#this isn't 'I shouldn't be out at night paranoia'

[transgayhawkeyepierce]

I have tickets for a band I wanted to see, but since I don't have anyone to go with I'm probably going to have to skip it :(

[etfrin]

❝ꜱᴏᴜʟꜱ ᴛᴏ ᴄʀᴜꜱʜ❞ — chapter five | part two | coriolanus snow

「ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢ:」 SFW | Dr. Gaul is her own warning, Coriolanus Snow is his own warning, mentions of Arachnes' death

「ᴘᴀɪʀɪɴɢ:」 young! Coriolanus Snow x fem! Reader

「ꜱᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ:」 you meet Dr. Gaul and her snakes with Coryo at your side 🐍

「ᴀ/ɴ:」 here's part two!! Hope y'all enjoy it! Give me your feedback!

beta read by the AWESOME @nowitsmissing

series masterlist | navigation

Classes were dull. He couldn't stop thinking about the morning, Sejanus' tears, and Lucy Gray's smile. It felt like a terrible dream possible when sick. He hates how easily Sejanus will have his girl after Coryo makes sure she wins.

He hates how he will never have you. And another district girl will be brought to riches undeserving or maybe Sejanus will leave with her.

He hates how he sees himself in Sejanus. Sejanus' sobs are so similar to the tantrum Coriolanus had thrown when he was eight. The tears were the same as his, unable to stop. The pain is too much. Coriolanus’ tears were of shame of who his soulmate was. Sejanus’ tears were of fear that his soulmate might die in the arena.

He had to make sure Lucy Gray won in the arena. Not because he felt pity for his so-called friend but for the fact that this would ensure his victory over the Plinth Prize. Surely, mentoring the soulmate of the heir of Plinth's fortune would get him some kind of reward, at least from the kind, foolish Sejanus.

Coriolanus received a dismissal from his current history class as he was called to meet Dr. Gaul. It took him mere minutes to reach the lab of the Academy where she was temporarily stationed until the games ended. His proposal is in his satchel. He sees you there, waiting for him, and he pauses.

He soaks you in, ignoring the confusion in your eyes. He stomps on his heart that he feels broken because of how fast it is beating. And begins to walk towards you confidently, trying to channel annoyance and anger over your actions of yesterday. He failed miserably.

He mirrors the small smile you give him and he acknowledges last night by saying, “How's the day going for you, little thief?” He feels his worries fade away, the paranoia that you might have stolen his work gone as he hears you laugh at being called a thief.

“I wasn't confident enough to let you read it, and it felt rude to make you walk back to her lab to submit when I was on my way there anyways,” you explained instead, your eyes hoping for his understanding and forgiveness.

You answered his question as well, “It's been going well, I was nearly late for my classes.”

It's pathetic how easily he caved in. “It's fine,” he whispered, “maybe next time don't leave a note, so the culprit isn't more obvious.” Coriolanus Snow decided your giggle was the prettiest sound he had ever heard and his face burns as his mind repeats it. You give him a friendly swat on his arm and Snow lets himself grin. A real smile with teeth, not the perfect one designated for his classmates.

His proposal is forgotten in his bag as he and you enter the lab. He pulls you a bit closer to him, and a bit behind so he's a step ahead. Dr. Gaul was insane and Coriolanus couldn't help the feeling of being protective of you. He didn't want you to receive even a scratch while he was there.

Dr. Gaul greets you and the Coryo with a feral look in her eyes and her red-stained lips in a wild grin befitting animals. You politely greet her back and Coriolanus follows. Coriolanus swallows as he sees hundreds if not more rainbow-colored snakes in a tank.

“For the games?” He hears you ask.

Dr. Gaul replied, “We'll see, child. Now come forth.”

Coriolanus swallows and even though he shouldn't, he holds your hand, his fingers gripping yours and he walks forward, still keeping you a step behind.

The snakes hiss and move around the tank in swirls of color that hurt his eyes. But in the limited space, he could almost make out parchments with familiar handwriting. What was Dr. Gaul planning?

As if on cue, Dr. Gaul asked, “Which brings me to your proposal. I liked it. Who wrote it? Just you two? Or did your brassy friend weigh in before her throat was cut?”

Coriolanus is surprised by the small laugh you let out, and he sees the humor in Dr. Gauls’ eyes. “No ma'am, I am sure she was rather busy choking on blood. They were written by us,” you said.

“Is that so?” Gauls' voice is full of suspicion but it deters neither of you.

“Yes,” Coriolanus butts in. “Our proposals were written completely by us.”

“Well, let's read it again, shall we?” Dr. Gaul adds, “Unfortunately, my assistant lined this very case with it while I was having my lunch. Let's retrieve it, shall we?”

“Isn't it dangerous?” Coriolanus asked, his voice edged.

Dr. Gaul chuckled and explained, “They can’t see too well, and they hear even less,” said Dr. Gaul. “But they know you’re there. Snakes can smell you using their tongues, these mutts here more than others.” “If you’re familiar, if they have pleasant associations with your scent — a warm tank, for instance — they’ll ignore you. A new scent, something foreign, that would be a threat,” said Dr. Gaul. “You’d be on your own, little boy.”

He doesn't let the fear swallow him, not when he saw how eager you were to prove her suspicions wrong. He didn't want to take Dr. Gauls' words at face value but what else could he do? In no world, he would let you dip your hand into a pit of possibly venomous snakes. Not if he had a choice.

“Me first then,” he said, his voice filled with (fake) confidence.

He puts his hand inside the tank, trying not to shiver in disgust. The snakes ignore him, slithering around his hand as he wiggles through to pull out his proposal successfully. It was safe. Which means you could do the same as well. He hands his proposal to Dr. Gaul before stepping so you can repeat the action.

And you succeed as well with flying colors. You step back to stand beside Snow as Gaul holds both of your works. She raised an eyebrow impressed but Coriolanus can see the underlying disappointment and vows to never leave you alone in her presence.

Dr. Gaul said, “Well… I will try to implement both of your ideas for the Games as soon as possible. The victory tour and idea of what you called tesserae were impeccable. Same with your idea, Coriolanus Snow. I am proud to have you both as Capitol students. I am also looking forward to Arachnes’ funeral”

“Now leave,” Dr. Gaul dismissed, “It's time for my tea and crackers.”

Coriolanus couldn't walk out of there faster. Je catches you before you can walk away. Your actions tilted his reality, in so little time since the reaping day, you were changing every thought of his.

“Choking on blood?” He said, “So much for Arachne's 'family'.”

You raised an eyebrow, “There were people in the library and it was already a bad look that we weren't in our homes grieving or whatever.”

He frowned, “So that tear- those red eyes were fake?”

You looked around the hall, the students present were out of earshot. You pulled him closer by the collar and whispered,

“Guess your songbird isn't the only performer.”

Your lips were mere inches away from his. He could seal a kiss. He could take you- he processes your words and doesn't know how to react. You… you changed his whole reality, his perception of you with a sentence. Coriolanus Snow didn't know what to make of you anymore.

You pulled back (why, why, why) and handed him your proposal. “I need you to know, everything I wrote here is for Panem. Don't judge me too harshly.”

You were nothing like he thought of and you were laid bare as he read down your proposal, what you had planned for Arachnes’ funeral. And in his mind, he realized that perhaps. . .

You stopped being District a long time ago.

NEXT PART

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for calling animal control?

Both of my roommates are out of town, so I'm looking after all of the animals. One of my roommates, I'll call her Jay, owns a small dog. I took him outside late last night so he could pee before I went to bed. While we were outside, a random dog started barking and run up to us. I quickly picked Jay's dog up and put him inside so they wouldn't fight.

The other dog was friendly and had a leash and harness on. I checked for tags and couldn't find any. I couldn't let him inside since Jay's dog would try and fight him and my car isn't working so I couldn't drive him to the shelter (if they were even open), so I called animal control. From my understanding, animal control will take the dog to the shelter in the hopes that the owner will call.

I waited outside with the dog since I didn't want him to run off and get in trouble or hit by a car. 30 minutes later, the owner miraculously showed up! He called the dog by his name and the dog ran up to him, so I'm pretty sure it was his owner. I explained to him how I called animal control, and he seemed understanding. After he took the dog, I called animal control back and they cancelled the request.

Throughout this entire time, I was texting Jay updates since it originally involved her dog and I wanted to keep her in the loop on what was happening. This morning, she texted me back basically saying that I shouldn't have called animal control and that if she were in that owner's shoes, she would be pissed. She claimed that the pound would put down the dog since he was an "aggressive breed" (a pit bull) and that I shouldn't have called animal control in the first place. I was also a bit worried about it and apprehensive about calling animal control, but I genuinely feel like I had no other choice. Now she's paranoid about the owner trying to get "revenge" on us and I'm pissed off that she blames me in this paranoia.

Either way, I'm worried now. AITA for calling animal control in the first place? Was there anything else I could have done?

What are these acronyms?

[dwobbitfromtheshire]

Ah, just ignore me just thinking about Nancy and her agency again. . . I'm just rambling out of frustration, and I just need to write it down to work through my irritation. It just baffles me how people don't think they're being misogynistic towards Nancy. In season 5, Nancy Wheeler deserves a monologue, she deserves to say fuck you to it all, and I hope they let her give the finger. . .

You ever think about the reason why Nancy felt like everyone knew the next day after sleeping with Steve. Most people assume she regrets it, but maybe sometime during the night, during that moment when she was looking out the window, she had sensed that someone was watching her. She probably brushed it off as paranoia. It was a hair-raising moment for her, and it was proved to be true. Someone was standing outside watching her, taking pictures of her, judging her. . .like, yeah, Jonathan's character deserves better development, but Nancy's character deserves better over all because because it's just been framed in a way that shames women for having sex especially with someone who people don't expect her to be with. I don't know. . .it's also fucking frustrating because when it comes to Steve, they treat Nancy like some naive little girl who doesn't know what she's doing. And it doesn't matter how many times she fucking screams it, no one ever believes it that she wasn't trying to be someone else and because Jonathan Byers told her that she was going to end up in a depressing relationship like her parents, people fucking cling to that. It frustrates me because people will treat women like this, like they don't know their own mind and infantilze them, but they don't realize how cruel, how misogynistic they're being by doing that. The worst part is that people ignore all the problems. Instead of addressing them, their only hope that Jonathan and Nancy get together stems from the fact that the actors are together. I have literally seen people say that, and that shouldn't be your reason, especially if it's your only reason. Steve isn't the problem here. He never has been. Nothing makes me angrier than people who think they're fighting for women's rights, but they're actually doing the complete opposite. It seems like they're trying to fix that viewpoint with Steve and Nancy reconciling. You know, I think that's why people are so angry about it, because it's finally addressing how they have been treating Nancy, how the narrative and themselves have framed her character as someone who should stay in her lane and only care about her career. Heaven forbid Nancy Wheeler ventures away from what people want FOR her. The best thing they did for Nancy was make sure she felt like she wasn't crazy for loving Steve, and it's crazy how people don't see how much Nancy had struggled with that due to certain situations, due to certain people telling her she shouldn't.

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

Hey, Michelle! I'm a night owl, which is why I'm still up at 1 a.m. 🦉

I have a question for you, and it may be a tough one considering how many awesome stories you've written, but...

Which story are you most proud of? If it's easier, one series, one one-shot. 😆💕

I'm a night owl too! Which is why it's so unfortunate I have to start my workday at 7am 😂

Stories I'm most proud of, hm? Well that is definitely not the easiest question, especially considering the volume of them! So I'm going to cheat juuuuust a little bit and keep the list to under 10 (you may want coffee, wine and/or snacks cause this turned into a novel):

The Daughter!Reader Fic With More Timestamps Than Parts (😂)

Probably the one series I'm most proud of because of the impact it's had on my readers is A Place to Call Home (or APTCH as it's been affectionately dubbed around here). And it's a funny little story to me to have that special designation because it really shouldn't be so popular. It's a Jensen x foster daughter!reader story which is so niche in the first place. I don't really read daughter!reader stories myself so I really have no idea why I wanted to write this one. I held onto it for almost a year after it was written because I thought I'd get such a negative reaction to it for being weird, disrespectful, you name it. Yet, it's turned into this never-ending saga that I get told over and over is one thing: comforting. It's such a simple story, a girl who needs a family but has been so hurt she's given up on the idea of one and a man who will do whatever it takes to show her she's worthy of love. And it's that story over time from a scared 17 year old high school kid to a young woman falling in love, figuring out her own career, navigating her own family, her own adulthood and how overtime that relationship with Jensen grows and changes as it does for all of us with parents as we grow up. Having people who were actually in foster care/were adopted/are foster/adoptive parents themselves reach out and say it captures a lot of those real life feelings and desires is still probably the best compliment I've ever gotten. For every situation there is, good or bad, I've been told it's a pick me up by so many and for that I will always be proud of this one.

The Canon-esque, "Hey this is like a post-show movie"

Staying in canon is fun. Staying in canon at a point beyond the show? That's even more fun for me. Beautiful Loser was really my first crack at, "hey what could a post series finale pickup look like?" Bring in some kids, bring in good ole fashioned hunter paranoia, bring in a creepy little kid...this one felt like writing an episode of SPN and I'm SOOO happy with how it turned out! The lore, the ups and downs, damn it still gets me.

The Arranged Marriage Political Thriller

I mean, Unconventional originally was supposed to be a fun little ABO quirky arranged marriage story and then...then it became "this idea of being lesser is the shit women have to deal with even in the real world". I didn't intend to write that story but it ended up going there and I'm incredibly proud of the message it puts out there that change is hard, change requires sacrifice sometimes, but not everyone is bad and if you fight for it, sometimes you can make a real difference.

The Fast Paced Detective Story

39 Hours was the first story I ever wrote based on the aesthetic and one of the first cop!Dean stories I did. I wrote it like a good thriller mystery. The clock is ticking down faster and faster. The protector is a grump with maybe a soft side? The victim isn't weak and some threat is looming in the air. This was such a departure for me to write a long condensed story like this too but it broke open that avenue for me and I still consider this one of my favorite stories I've done.

The Body Issues One

It's such a trope of women having body issues but what about if the guy had them too? Because we know they do they do, they just talk about it so much. And we all always call Jensen that male model SOB so a model Dean was faaar too tempting. Now give the reader some physical scars from an accident Dean's own dad caused, a father who's disowned Dean for his career choice...we've got two people who very much seem themselves as broken yet can't see it in one another. This was a heavy topic on a lot of fronts to work in Broken Like Me but I'm really happy with the messaging that comes through.

The Jensen Shower Pics Inspired One

Thank god for Jensen Ackles cause this one wouldn't have existed without those shirtless late night pics. ABO has always been an interesting world I like to push the boundaries of but this was my first real attempt at going big, adding my own rules and boundaries. Coming up with the new science, adding the mystery elements, adding that growing sexual tension...yeah Feral is my favorite ABO story I've ever done hands down.

The Best RPF I'll Ever Write

RPF isn't for everyone but if you only ever read one by me, it's got to be If I Fell For You by a landslide. A Jensen x nanny!reader fic can be, let's just say, really easy to screw up. They can go down routes I don't like to go. But this story deals with so many themes that are worthwhile. Grief. Loss. Learning to love again. Parental love and when it's lacking. Forgiveness and pain. It hurts so good is the best way to put this one. And the safety net analogy I came up with in Part 4 is something I'm particularly proud of.

Making You Forgive The Asshole

I know you in particular will understand this Zep but writing a redemption story for Soldier Boy is fucking hard. It's really easy to watch the show and go he's awful but he's so cute, he can do whatever he wants. Throw in an actual reader and suddenly him being walking sin ain't gonna cut it. Writing character growth realistically can be hard. It can be ever harder when we got like a grand total of 15 mins of screen time with that character. I was nervous as hell to write Thunder In Our Hearts quite honestly. So when I got the reaction that I didn't screw it up felt so, so good. Now I can't wait to do it again with The Villain's Protector! 😉

I'm quite proud of myself for narrowing this down to 8 fics lol. There are many more I could list but these are the big hitters! And thank you for the trip down memory lane! 🥰

[animeyanderelover]

hey! if possible, id like to request general hc for akito, yuki, kyo, hatori, shigure, ayame, hatsuharu and ritsu.

So, I already discussed it and apparently this person only watched the 2001 anime version and for that was unaware of Akito being in reality a woman in the manga.

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, possessive behavior, obsession, paranoia, guilt-tripping, manipulation, jealousy, stalking, delusion, isolation, abduction, trauma, Akito in itself is plently a trigger warning

Yandere Fruits Basket Hc's

Sohma Yuki

🐭 Yuki suffers from a low self-esteem thanks to all of the abuse Akito put him through and has been stuck acting like the charming yet cold prince for a long time due to his belief that no one would love his true personality. So it's a must for him that his s/o is kind and understanding. He can't love anyone, he shouldn't with Akito there yet it happens anyways. Yuki can't seem to prevent his infatuation with you with every refreshing smile you give and how you carry yourself. The realization that he's fallen in love with you scares him to his core simply because he's terrified what Akito will do if she ever finds out. In an attempt to save you by avoiding you, he only hurts himself that much more. He can't get you out of his head and his heart clenches painfully when he sees how you're so completely unaffected by it whilst he's probably spent some nights crying because he longs for you so painfully much. He doesn't blame you though, after all he has never introduced himself to you.

🐭 This avoidance already showcases that Yuki is very protective, he knows what Hatori had to go through after all and it utterly terrifies him to think that he might end up putting you in such a situation too. Despite doing his best to not interact with you, he always watches you though and if he wouldn't be so popular, he might even go out to stalk you a bit. Cleary obsessed as he memorizes everything you say or do and whilst you might not pay it much mind when you greet him or help him with something since his anti-social and awkward side sometimes breaks out of him, he never forgets it as it makes him only fall more for you. It isn't until Tohru, Machi and Kakeru appear in his life and slowly help him to heal does he gain the courage to talk to you. He's admired you for a longer time from the distance so he feels flustered and nervous when he approaches you, heart pounding in his chest and palms clammy as he finally talks to you for the first time and turns completely lovesick.

🐭 He is prone to jealousy a lot which mainly ties into his low self-esteem and the fact that all he is able to do for months on end is watching you silently. It's selfish and dangerous to wish that you'd give him your smile and your laugh all the time but whenever he catches you acting very close to someone else, he gets quickly insecure and has to leave, tears stinging his eyes. Yuki can only direct his frustration at himself because he doesn't have the courage to talk to you, let you know that he also wants to be a part of your life. He always leaves whenever he sees something like that and ends up being depressed for the rest of the day, lamenting over his hurting heart. The insecurity never leaves him, not even after he's gained the courage to talk to you and befriend you nor even after the curse is broken and he's your boyfriend. The lingering fear to not be good enough and to be replacable always lingers inside his heart although to your pleasant surprise in front of certain people he expresses more confidence, maybe even slight arrogance.

🐭 Yuki has been traumatized with Akito's unstable and violent behavior so I feel like he'd be one of the last people who would want to inflict the same pain and fear on others. With his inner growth comes more confidence and more maturity so Yuki always attempts to talk about something to resolve a conflict. Generally talking though, I can totally see him manipulating the situation to paint him in the better light and let's be for real, he's very good at it. For the most part, he tries to avoid all conflict though and is most of the time anyways too focused on loving his darling and sucking up any affection they could give him like a dry sponge. He can fight quite good though and can be more snarky and say stuff that provokes the other person.

🐭 Behind his kind and very sweet behavior lies still a somewhat broken person and Yuki is far more possessive over his s/o than he lets on. He's been feeling lonely and isolated his entire life so after he's finally freed from his curse, he knows exactly that he wants to stay together with you for the rest of his life. It's genuinely not hard to fall in love with Yuki since he's so charming and loving to you. Sometimes he cracks though as his low confidence and his paranoia speak out of him where he grows desperate for some reassurance from you. He'd definitely guilt-trip his s/o if he's paranoid and afraid that they might leave him since he is somewhat clumsy and simply not good enough. He's extremely fragile at such moments. Whilst he should technically know that such emotional manipulation is toxic, Yuki is probably just more on a semi-aware side. The fear of rejection and abandonment outweighs his guilty consciousness.

🐭 He often feels insecure because he's often more clumsy and isn't a good cook although he tries his best to get better for his s/o. Sometimes you find him going to far though when he puts your needs in first place instead of his own which happens especially often when he wants to prove himself and feels stressed. He tends to overthink simple things such as when you ignore him or don't return the kiss he gives you. He's slightly shaken and thinks he's done something wrong although he always asks you first, doing his best to calm his paranoia and lingering trauma down. He's skittish with physical affection at first since he's been abused by Akito so you have to be gentle with him at first. He learns to love everything you do to express your love for him though and physical affection is included. You give him security and more confidence, have patience even with all of his relapses and Yuki desperately hopes that he can give you in return the love and care no one else can give you.

Sohma Shigure

🐕Summarizing Shigure up in one word is quite difficult simply because you have troubles making up your mind. What you can't deny is that he's quite annoying at times as he always seems to visit the places where he's bound to find you and doesn't shy away from being very friendly with approaching you. Behind that laid-back and light-hearted facade, Shigure is very hyper-aware of his own feelings though. He knows that he's just a tad bit too obsessed with his darling but the undeniably worst thing about Shigure is that he doesn't care about his toxic mind. He knows himself best and for that is aware that he's far too possessive to leave you alone anyways so why should he feel guilty? That possessive emotion of his is quite fearsome though as he's willing to hurt the feelings of other people, sometimes even including you, and is ready to sacrifice everything if it will guarantee that he can be with you.

🐕Exceptionally manipulative too and his normally goofy behavior helps him to conceal his true side. He's annoying but appears harmless in your eyes although you already have a good hunch what he wants from you. You can't deny that the wise advices he gives you at times or moments where he's made you laugh with his silly behavior haven't helped you at least a bit. That's why you endure him in your life and that is according to Shigure's plans. A lot of his actions have a hidden motive or some plan behind it all such as the time where he makes acquaintance with people you socialize with and get all friendly with them only to use them to find out more about you. He's a shameless stalker too who waits for you in spots you pass by quite often to bump into you there, although he won't outright deny your claims that he's been here on purpose to find you. It's a bit risky, gambling like this whilst fully aware how Akito might react but Shigure can't help but find this all a bit entertaining.

🐕Despite being the oldest of the zodiac signs, when it comes to Shigure getting hurt emotionally, he's without a doubt the most immature and petty one. He wants his darling only for himself if he could do so and whilst he hides it well behind his silly mask, he secretly despises about everyone who is close to you. It doesn't even have to make a difference whether the interaction is purely platonic or gives romantic undertones, he finds a way to interfere somehow. You can't expect him to be decent enough to let you live your life after all. No, he has to be always part of it and ruin you quite a few things. Worst is though that he can be petty enough to effectively ignore you for a few days just to have you approach him and ask him if he's fine. Worry about him, but forget all about that other person.

🐕Self-serving, selfish, cunning and deceptive. Shigure is a menace and there's no way to put that lightly or in any positive way. He's willing to cause people around him pain and ruin even you relationships. That makes him the worst person you've ever met and who everyone in general can be unfortunate enough to meet but he doesn't care. Not as long as he can have you. Shigure is a master manipulator who manages to make the people around him always look worse than him. Friendships or even ties with your potential lover or crush will be cut by him and he will spread rumors and lies about you and the people you hang out with. He watches then from the sidelines how you end up having argument after argument and take devastating blows to your heart before he always comes in and cheers you up. It's only a question until you find out about his true personality though.

🐕Whilst Shigure can drag you into harm's way and sometimes does so willingly, he knows better than to repeat a Hatori situation with Akito. Kidnapping you isn't possible as long as the curse still lasts but he's fooled almost everyone else so far and he can do the same with you. You're most likely a bit sceptical around him anyways and truthfully, Shigure wants it that way at times. It's cute in his opinion to see you on your toes around him. At other times he just wants you to rely solely on him and for that fools around with the ties you have. Bad experiences regarding the friendships and strong ties you have with others makes you more cautious to get to know new people and causes you to cling more to him because he made himself look like the only person who sticks through with you. Strangely enough even when you discover what inhumane things he's done all along and demand him to leave you alone, he doesn't abduct you. No, instead all emotions leave his face and he promises you that he'll never leave you alone. You will be his, sooner or later.

🐕When the curse is finally broken and everyone is free to go, Shigure goes all out of his way. If he hasn't been able to properly touch you before, he will now absolutely smother you in affection. Bonus if you're bashful and embarrassed about it because then he'll do it to just rile you up a bit. People like Ayame and Hatori most likely know about his interest in you even before the curse is broken and also about his twisted ways of courting you but Shigure finds it all rather entertaining how they attempt to convince him that this isn't the right way to do it. It's better to always be on edge with Shigure around since you never know what's going on inside his head. He could be on one day an annoying and clingy man who dotes on you and teases you simultanously and on the next day gets all possessive and willing to even attack you emotionally to release some of his petty emotions when you've made him angry in some way.

Sohma Kyo

🐈Kyo wears his emotions on his sleeves and for that has an easier time socializing than Yuki has yet he is very adament to avoid and reject his darling as often as he can. He's very aggressive about the fact that he loves his darling and keeps his fair distance from them as he is used to people in his life only pitying and hating him and doesn't want to witness you undergoing the same process. Additionally he doesn't think that he's deserving of your love and affection either since he's terrified of hurting you. So every time you try to talk with him or every time someone asks him if he harbors feelings for you, he reacts brash and defensive, ends up saying something that will hurt you and your feelings and he feels incredibly guilty later on but he tells himself that it's the right thing to do. He stalks his darling a lot though.

🐈Watching over his darling from the shadows fills him simultanously with longing as much as with happiness. He wants to be with you too but knows that he'll be locked away after he finishes high school. You'd only get hurt if he would get close to you right now only to be left by him then because he can't do anything against his cursed fate. Kyo is extremely overprotective though and will do whatever he can to make you happy, puts your own needs actively above his own as well as his happiness. He always steps in as soon as someone makes you uncomfortable to protect you from then even if it ends up putting him into a situation where you want to thank him and feel the need to get to know him better. Underneath all that stubborn and aggressive behavior is in reality a very sensitive and affectionate person though who is just too traumatized and afraid to be hurt by you, the one person he's so in love with.

🐈He has a hard time really suppressing his jealousy but doesn’t want to to show his own feelings so initially Kyo just resorts to avoiding the scene as good as he can. He’s visibly stressed for the rest of the day though as the image won’t leave his head and serves to only make him even more irritated. He’s going to be a lot more brash and sharp-tongued if he meets the person again too. He mellows out after he has successfully managed to overcome his insecurities and decide to just enjoy the time he has left with you. That doesn’t deter his jealous streak quite obviously but Kyo wants his darling to be happy and feels inferior and not in the right to interfere with people you’ve been friends with and known for way longer than him. The boy is still bound to snap when he realizes that someone flirts with you and he’s really intimidating when he’s really pissed. Glowing, orange eyes staring at whoever thinks that they can just carelessly flirt with you because they take you for easy and the clear way he steps in front of you to shield you from their vision.

🐈Definitely one to get quicker aggressive and defensive over you than some others. Kyo can be a hothead and at times very possessive but he matures emotionally over time and learns to at least control his temper a bit better even if it still bursts out at times. The moment someone harms his s/o though and puts them under unnecessary stress, he is quick to get triggered due to his overprotective side. He’s very skilled in martial arts and it has been one of his biggest passions in his life before he met people he can trust and his darling so he’s quite obviously really good in it. He tends to stop thinking rationally for a bit when someone truly messes with his darling as he’s utterly consumed by rage.

🐈He never tries to dream about living together with his darling as he’s aware of his looming fate but that doesn’t stop his thoughts from betraying him at times. It makes his whole chest ache. You might even marry someone else later in your life and that thought infuriated him as much as it makes him depressed. He’s such a fool for letting his feelings escalate that far. After the curse is broken and he’s freed from Akito, he’s in shock as he slowly begins to realize that he will now be able to spend his future together with you. He’s free to be with you and when the truth finally sinks in, he storms to your place and the first thing he does is giving you a tight hug, something he couldn’t and/or didn’t want to initiate so far. With nothing to hold him back anymore, Kyo becomes as determined as obsessed to stay with you.

🐈Whilst he mellows out and grows softer after his curse is broken and he can finally be with his darling, his obsession also cranks up a good notch. He’s been holding back so far because he kept repeating Akito’s words inside his head, thought that it would be useless and hurt and tormented himself with it. There’s nothing to hold him back though as soon as the shackles of the cat zodiac are gone, everything that he has been trying and failing to bury deep inside of him bursts all at once out of him. Kazuma knew pretty much all along and is delighted when he finally gets to meet you, although Kyo is constantly a bit on edge since he fears that Kazuma will tell you something embarrassing about him. Common for most Zodiac members but Kyo is quite starved for affection and gets grumpy when you don’t give him any.

Sohma Hatori

🐉Hatori has resigned himself to the belief that he doesn't deserve any love since he has hurt people by erasing memories. Yuki's friends, Momiji's own mother and his own lover Kana has caused him to develop a rather low opinion of himself. Loving someone again isn't his intention so the experience of gaining an infatuation with his s/o is a scarring one. He's hurt already enough people and the personal trauma of what Akito did to Kana push him to distance himself as good as he can. You shouldn't get involved with him nor with any of the Sohma since it's safest for you. Very lucid about his own feelings too and it does nothing to help his already low self-esteem. There's fear and trauma as much as there is a low-key possessive longing somewhere inside his chest, one that suffocates him yet he's unwilling to let you suffer for his own selfish emotions.

🐉At the same time Hatori is also awfully protective over his s/o and if you two happen to cross paths, he can't help but let his eyes constantly wander to you. Any sign of stress or sickness from your side causes him to feel instantly the need to check on you and even dote on you slightly. If he catches you ignoring your own health in favor of going outside and working, he will usher you instantly back to take a day off and caters to your needs. It's wrong, Hatori shouldn't get himself so actively involved but he can't help himself whenever he sees that you're physically or emotionally unwell. He eventually decides to stop the constant attempts to distance himself since he always comes back to you, settles on becoming an acquaintance in your life who you can trust. He doesn't want to take it any further though but his darling always manages to break his already fragile resolve once again.

🐉Composure is one of the key words for Hatori together with his overall kindness. He isn't petty like Shigure is nor is he as open with his emotions as Kyo and even his insecurities are better tamed than some other of the zodiac signs. His darling makes them happy and if he can somehow help them feeling better and brighten up their daily life, he absolutely will. Hatori is rational, he has to be since his somewhat more unhealthy feelings are a silent burden on him at times. He's all about icy politeness and arctic stares when he's jealous, slightly passive-aggressive with a tad bit more edge to his words. He isn't as possessive as some other members are but definitely feels the need to be when someone is overly nice to you which leads to slightly more affection from his side, as much as he can give his s/o if his curse should hinder him.

🐉It's rather interesting considering that he could just erase someone's memories with hypnosis but I feel he's done it too often and has harmed others because of it that he's become hesitant and unwilling to use it at all. Honestly, Hatori is rather tame and is someone who prefers to talk then to harm others, something he believes he has done enough already. His overall kindness gets a tad bit tainted by his obsession though which leads in certain situations to anger and hatred that isn't typical for him and startles him a bit when he reflects on it. Before anything can happen though, he would always opt for hypnosis and prevent and accident before it can happen. He always has to keep his darling away from that person afterwards though and vice versa since there's no guarantee that the memories he has erased will stay hidden forever.

🐉Considering that he's been imprisoned for years because of his curse, Hatori values your own choices and personal freedom very much and similar to most members of the Sohma family, it's only after the curse is broken that he is truly able to think about his own future. There's always only been one thing he wanted ever since you shined on him like a single star of guidance in the darkness he was imprisoned in. Hatori wants to stay with his darling and he's very open to admit that to them as soon as he's freed. Probably the one who can lead the most normal relationship with you although at times when he's very worried about you or gets a bit paranoid, he becomes a tad bit more controlling.

🐉All the care and love he provides aside, it's probably quite good for his own mental and emotional health too when his darling is with him. He doesn't allow himself to indulge in some basic human needs like eating and sleeping which somewhat makes him a hypocrite since he points it out to you immediately when you skip a meal or couldn't sleep very well on one night. So you sometimes have to straight-up push him to bed or insist that you won't eat anything until he has consumed something too. You might be sometimes a bit too persistent but it shows that you care for him and that always manages to flatter Hatori in the end. Considering that his own profession is one of a doctor, he's almost always the one who caters to your needs and nurses you back to health when you fall ill and yes, he can't deny that this boils also partially down to pride of being able to provide for you and protect you, something he wasn't able to do in his past.

Sohma Ayame

🐍Ayame was never really traumatized and hurt by Akito which is why he's in comparison to other members of the Sohma clan not as shackled down and emotionally damaged. Instead he's flamboyant, confident and vivacious. When he falls in love with you though, he loves with his entire mind and heart and that definitely gives him a fine obsession as he's not able to keep you out of his head. Admittedly, Ayame doesn't even try much to help it as he throws himself almost willingly into his never-ending infatuation. Mine catches him more than once daydreaming about you with a grin on his face and just him waiting hopefully for ou to enter his shop again. Whenever you do, he tries to keep you busy and with him as long as he can since he absolutely despises to be away from you. He's clingy and his presence at times almost overwhelming which admittedly allowed him to get your number so now you have him spamming you and calling you multiple times a day just to hear your voice.

🐍Ayame is highly affectionate and if he can touch his s/o, they will be drowned in hugs and smooches as this man has zero shame about the public display of affection. If he can't be physically too affectionate then he does about anything else, which he also already does if he can be as touchy as he wants to be. All cheesy and romantic nicknames you can imagine, presents and cute gifts and he even designs couple outfits for the both of you and starts pouting when you refuse to wear them. What's worth mentioning is that the gorgeous man is highly delusional as everything others may perceive as wrong and creepy, he perceives as a sign of his dedication and love. Whether he just follows you around outside since he can't bear being separated from you or coaxes friends of yours to tell him stuff about you, it all just shows to him how much he loves you. He in fact sees you as his missing half, as his soulmate of sorts because why else would he adore you as much as he does?

🐍Ayame is even with his sometimes downright ridiculous behavior deep down still deeply possessive over his sweetheart. That is only fueled by his delusion that his darling is basically his soulmate. Only his. He’s an attention whore, loves it when his sweetheart pays attention to him and only him and starts sulking and pouting fast when that isn’t the case. Ayame is an exception among many Zodiac signs since the man is quite confident in himself and knows that he looks gorgeous, not to mention that his delusions give him this additional boost that really just makes him a bit arrogant. He gives your counterpart little to no chance to talk much with you as he does almost anything to interrupt you to and get your attention back on him, is very extra whenever he introduces himself to your acquaintances. Ayame calls himself already your lover even if you don’t see it that way.

🐍The eccentric man is probably more malicious and cunning than he lets on at times but that mainly stems from the fact that most of the time he has better things to do than waste his time on others. What could be after all more important than paying attention to his darling sweetheart? He draws a very clear line though when it comes to someone potentially thinking about courting you since you’re already his lover. He’s aware that you might not think of it the same way as he does but he’s even more convinced that eventually you’ll realize your mistake and see things just as he already does. His zodiac sign is the snake and that animal is known for it’s cunning and manipulative nature so just don’t underestimate him.

🐍Despite the freedom he’s able to enjoy in comparison to his younger brother, the tragedy of Kana and Hatori still serves as a reminder of what might happen if he were to ask Akito for your hand in marriage. So even if Ayame persuades a relationship with you rather freely, he’ll still keep it a secret from Akito. He always calls you over to his shop for the most ridiculous and trivial reasons and essentially keeps you there with him for hours, more than just once so that you can give him your opinion on clothes and even wear them, he adores it to see you wearing the dresses he makes, no matter your gender. He always run the risk of transforming when the temperature is either too hot or too cold so it’s safest for you and him to stay in his shop. He’s already quite overbearing but surprisingly he still holds back due to the looming threat of Akito. He goes fully out the moment he’s no longer cursed as the snake.

🐍That’s meant quite literally because in the very moment where his curse is broken, he instantly seeks you out and proposes to you. He’s bought the ring already a long time before but had to wait . He probably would have proposed to you even with the curse but now that he has quite literally nothing to worry about, he asks you for your hand in marriage. His clingy behavior only intensifies as the man is up your ass every waking second. Hands are always somewhere on you and he is unashamed enough to even walk in when you plan to shower or take a bath and insists that he should join you. He doesn’t have to hold you a secret from others either so he always rambles and gushes over how sweet and beautiful you are in front of his friends and younger brothers, flaunts you in front of everyone.

Sohma Hatsuharu

🐮Hatsuharu basically has two personalities where he is very calm and placid as "White Haru" and very foul-mouthed and aggressive as "Black Haru". Due to that he expresses his own feelings very differently depending on which Haru he currently is. Overall Hatsuharu is frighteningly nonchalant about the whole aspect of his own obsession though. Whilst he is aware about how this technically isn't something that is healthy and does attempt to not turn too overbearing and potentially hurt you, he doesn't really worry about ti overall too much. He deals very relaxed with it and isn't that shy to at least approach you and talk to you differently from even some guys here older than him. He still has to be careful with everything since Akito is still a threat. He attempts to follow you around and stalk you but has been shown to have a terrible sense of direction so he more than once gets lost the moment he loses sight of you.

🐮His terrible sense of direction is frequently taken advantage off by him though since the person he asks in most cases for help when he gets lost is usually you. A bit dirty but Hatsuharu has little to no shame. Black Haru has even less shame than he does and it happens that he gets triggered in cases wher his possessive or overprotective side flares up. Hatsuharu is almost casual about his possessive and protective tendencies but Black Haru is a completely different story. He's aggressive, gets in fights, provokes and insults others and is not even afraid to make it clear to you that he'll be your boyfriend at some point, even if he isn't now. Until then you better not fall for everyone else because he'll scare everyone away threatening to steal your heart before he does and he is even quite touchy with you in such times, especially if he has nothing to worry about.

🐮Jealousy is an ugly feeling, one that has someone's blood boiling when he sees you being affectionate with someone else or when he catches some fool daring to flirt with what's his. Hatsuharu does make attempts to try to push down his black side simply because he knows that his vast switch in personality tends to scare you at times and make you uncomfortable and he cares a lot for you. There's nothing he can really do once he gets triggered though and in his black personality he has very little to no shame. He's violent, loud and rude and ready to start a fight with anyone who he deems in that moment as a rival for him. Black Haru is also quite confident, brags about himself in front of you and is a total show off.

🐮If it's fight someone wants, fights they shall get. White Haru is passive-aggressive, a prankster who embarrasses people without resorting to violence. This is the more pleasant way to deal with him since he knows how bad he can be in his black personality which is why he gives someone who has been getting on his nerves lately for stressing you or trying to ask you out always receives a warning from him beforehand. If he snaps though, Black Hatsu won't hold back at all with his punches and kicks and tends to leave someone with bruises which will last and hurt for weeks. It becomes especially brutal if someone actually harms his s/o because he snaps just like that and sees red for a while. Because of that, Yuki, Momoji and Kyo tend to supervise him a bit because god knows what he might otherwise do to someone who has been messing with you. It's most of the time effective to just quickly retrieve you and have you stop Hatsuharu.

🐮Hatsuharu has already made the decision that he wants to live his life together with his s/o and he doesn't care what Akito might say about this. At the same time he will do absolutely everything to keep this a secret from her as well since he knows that she might do otherwise some horrifying thing to you that might traumatize you permanently. He will still try to enter a relationship with you even if he has to keep it a secret because he literally can't control himself otherwise. Black Haru tends to come out more often as soon as he hasn't been able to see you for a whole day or when someone has made a move on you which bothers him and worsens his mood for the rest of the day. Similar to Ayame, he's very shameless in his approach as soon as his curse has been broken and he literally asks you if you'd like to move in with him. His whole behavior at this point just screams "choose me".

🐮He spends a lot of money on his wardrobe and ends up buying his s/o lots of clothes too, his favorite is leather so expect a lot of that. Alternatively he just adores seeing how you wear his clothes since it is a small boost to see you walking around in what he normally wears. You are genuinely the person who can keep him the most effectively calm which is why his friends always run to you the moment he switches to Black Haru and goes out of control. Admittedly, one of the main reasons he turns is when he isn't able to find or see you. It's the worst when he's had an argument with you, you ignore him or even reject him and his affection though since this leads him to having essentially a mental breakdown which takes him a long time to recover from and that only when you help him with it.

Sohma Ritsu

🐵This man stays the heck away from his darling but the fear of Akito is in this case not even the main reason. He's plagued with insecurities, has an inferiority complex and deep issues when it comes to his own self-esteem and deems himself to be utterly useless and to only be a burden. What could he possibly do to enrich your life somhow with his presence? He's such a disappointment after all, you'd be better off not knowing him. Ritsu sees everything wrong with him but he deeply adores and loves his s/o, thinks of them as perfect even if they obviously also have things they're terrible in. His anxiety makes it about impossible for him to approach you properly because if he as much as sees you passing by anywhere he already topples over and turns into a clumsy mess. The only thing he seems to be able to do is stalk you for a very long while, too insecure to do anything else. He's beyond horrified of you thinking badly of him and since he has some suicidal tendencies as it is, this would only drag him even further down.

🐵For Ritsu his darling becomes really important though when he decides to live for their sake. He's always questioned what his reason for life was after all and at one point is genuinely convinced that you are his reason for being born. This thought consumes his mind and turns him into a somewhat delusional person even if he still knows that doing hings like stalking you is still creepy and he loathes himself for doing this. You'd surely be disgusted with him if you'd ever find out. He feels like fainting when you actually approach him and talk to him since you've noticed him for a while now although you're surprised to find out that he's in fact a man. Something Ritsu instantly apologizes for. He is prone to overreacting and apologizing for every little thing so that is something that you have to get used to if you want to hang out with him. The worst is that he knows that his behavior might tire you out which only pushes him into more anxiety and leads to more tears and apologies.

🐵He feels like crying, he genuinely feels like crying more than anything. His jealousy always ends in an overwhelming pain and insecurities because he has poor social skills and is very well aware of that. Undeniably one of the most toxic thing he does is putting himself through al of the pain though as he is just as aware of the fact that separating himself from you would hurt even more. He can't give you what so many others in this world could give you, he's too useless for that. It should be enough already that you accepted him into your life as the wreck he is. He never tells you either about his problems because you have better things to do than listen to his trivial feelings. He always lets it out when he's home though, bursting out in tears and regretting and hating himself for his own cowardice. He really is a good-for-nothing, is he?

🐵He couldn't hurt a fly, let's be real here. Ritsu is probably the most harmless guy to have. He's too kind-hearted and gentle to be malicious to anyone, at the same time would rather die than witness his darling having any troubles which sadden them and cause them pain. Funnily enough witnessing how you end up in a risky situation gives him enough adrenaline to shortly go beyond his comfort zone and shield you before basically making a run for it with you together. He's rather self-sacrificing, doesn't care if he has to suffer for you if it means that you will end up being better off because of it. It's the least he can do to help you, isn't it? At least he can be of some use then for you. Alternatively he asks some of the other zodiac members for help as he learns to have a bit more faith in himself with passing time.

🐵He's one of the few members who has been shown having a good relationship with his mother and she has always wished that he'd find someone who would accept him. Ritsu isn't exactly discreet about his crush, the only one he is always careful around is Akito. His mother knows about you at some point though and invites you over to their onsen, something that nearly causes Ritsu to pass out again because what if he says something or does something that might insult you? Ritsu has to spend a good portion of the day with his darling though to prevent himself from suffering from a lasting meltdown and for that he's extremely clingy. Sure, he always trails a few steps behind you and steps back when you're conversating with someone else, otherwise he might as well look like your little duckling. Of course he wants to be together with you, he admits that tearfully to his mother when she asks him but he's feeling like he won't be able to give you anything in return for the love you provide him with.

🐵The whole co-dependency follows you through the whole time as Ritsu continues to hail you as his reason to be born. His darling would definitely have to be the patient and encouraging type though to help him slowly gain more self-confidence in himself and therefore be a major part in his character development. In Ritsu's eyes most likely the most important person. When the curse eventually fades away, he's finally freed from the last shackles that might have prevented him from fully wanting to spend his entire life with you. He's nervous when he approaches you for the first time dressed as a male in fear you might not like him in this appearance. Sometimes the habits of frantically apologizing and blaming himself for everything return to him just as much as the sometimes unhealthy signs of the co-dependent attachment Ritsu has developed over time and won't be able to get rid of ever. The delusion that he lives for your sake and that you helped him gaining more confidence are still present on his mind and he wouldn't be able to know what he should do with himself if you wouldn't be with him.

Sohma Akito

⚫️Congratulations, you're screwed. Akito is mentally unstable, insane, short-tempered and above all awfully possessive. If her darling has managed to gain her twisted and wicked heart, she will cling to them with everything she has. Akito has some issues going on herself with the emotional abuse Ren put her through and for that is in a way almost desperate to be loved but in order to achieve that she expresses it in horrible and inhumane ways. Her obsession with keeping the zodiac signs by her side and having the male ones essentially only loving her, she becomes overly focused on having her darling only love her to the point where she sort of drops her attention from the zodiacs as she is now obsessed with having her darling love her. Because her darling is no zodiac though and for that she isn't their god, there is a deep fear inside Akito's core that she might not be anything special to you and that thought disturbs her whilst at the same time clinging to the words of her father and thinking that she is in fact "special" and for that entitled to your affection.

⚫️Her possessive tendencies really only allows herself in your life as she forces you pretty much into everything. She is no more lonely now that she has you but you on the other hand end up losing everyone you had since Aktio flips out when you do as much as mention someone else in front of her. You have her! Forget them and just focus on her! Her mood can range from her sitting silently next to you to throwing angrily furniture around and whilst in most cases she is genuinely calmer when you're with her, you can just as easily set her off when she realizes that you aren't happy with her and in fact want to be with the people you love. You can't fathom how she can't understand that what she puts you through and what she has done to other Sohma family members is wrong whilst Akito at the same time can't really understand why you would blame her. No one ever taught her what's right or wrong, she's been as spoiled as traumatized during her childhood so it's either that she genuinely can't see her terrifying obsession as wrong or she chooses to actively not care.

⚫️Don't. Just don't. Not with someone like Akito who actively demands for you to show her your affection. Akito is immensely jealous and prone to her violent tantrums and outbursts and if you know her only a bit, you know what she's capable of. She won't allow anyone besides herself inside your life and your heart besides herself so you're better staying quiet because mentioning even a name can set her off and throw her into a nightmarish jealous frenzy. She's hurt other people before who stole the attention of her zodiac animals away from her so she's very much capable of doing the same to the people you hold dear, even your family members wouldn't be spared from her. She forbids you pretty much to love anyone else besides her.

⚫️It isn't really necessary to talk too much about that topic since Akito is pretty self-explaining already. She harshly punishes everyone who tries to take away what's hers and that has never been more true with her darling. The woman is cruel to everyone who does as much as waste some of your time she wants and demands you to spend with her and doesn't hold back from blaming you either, especially if you call her out for the terrible things she does. You should know better after all! Since Akito is a feared and respected woman and the head of the Sohma family, almost no one has enough guts to interact too much with you and risk meeting the furious jealousy and rage of Akito though which leaves you just as isolated as Akito.

⚫️Considering that her darling is the only person that can keep her somewhat calm and pacify her, you're pretty much never allowed to leave her side. Most of your days are spent secluded in the Sohma mansion by her side and the maids who serve her are no help to you at all. Some of them are too terrified to help you and others pretty much just chide you for wanting to leave Akito's side since she is the God of this family and allow her and actively help her to keep you imprisoned. The woman is awfully clingy, wants you extremely close to her with some sort of physical affection all of the time and if she has to leave, you're always forced to tag along with her. She's paranoid, fears that as soon as she leaves you alone someone will make a move and for that you're never allowed out of her vision.

⚫️Akito is the worst Yandere to have since she's openly violent, abuses others and manipulates and guilt-trips her own darling into staying with her as well. You're going to be emotionally scarred one way or another although she never seems to physically hurt you, at least not deliberately. With the way she functions and rages on, chances are that you end up getting hurt within all the chaos and her fuming wrath. As soon as she realizes that she's hurt you though, she drops whatever else she was doing just seconds before and shouts for the maids to help you, shaking hands grabbing you too harshly for your own comfort to see whatever damage she has inflicted upon you. The tamest you'll probably ever see her is when the two of you are completely alone and you've essentially learned the hard way how to keep her from exploding where she reminds you at times of a insecure child as she constantly clings to you, asks you if you love her and demands you to show her that in all sorts of affection.

[momentokori]

Everyone meet KillerKidz! Something me and @paperbagirlratlover came up with, basically if KoolKidz were, well killers.

Descriptions under cut! I wanna tag moots but I'm scared for how they would feel about these..MOOTS IF YOU SEE THESE TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK :] /NF

Amara- She's a cannibal, heavily inspired by the song Butcher Vanity. Fray was the first, after trying to get Heather to eat it with her Heather enjoyed it. She would help Amara kill the rest of them and make them into a meal only to kill herself after realizing she won't see them again. Amara ate most of the big meal and gave the leftovers to their families so they would 'feel closer' to their missing kid.

Lara- She tried on a porcelain mask she found while in the middle of a heist, if you know anything about her and her masks then you understand this is a terrible idea. She ends up seeing everything as a dystopian world and thinks she has to kill her friends to keep them safe from this new world. The mask broke and she now sees what she did. Nonetheless, she believes what she did was for the better, still seeing the words as a hellhole they needed escape from.

Rai- She would make an invention that was a new eye for herself since she hated her astigmatism and not being able to see properly. Seeing how well it worked and even made her vision better she decided to help her friends out. She ended up turning them into husks of their former selves, now only scraps of metal and wires with bits of skin. She stays reclused, still trying to make them perfect.

Elaine- One day she had decided to follow her friends to see if they were as good as she thought. She had followed Lara on a night she was out stealing from a house. Elaine hated this and while arguing pushed her out the window, since she was the first she killed she took her mask. Fray saw and ran off which caused her death including everyone else's. Elaine thinks what she did was for the better, she wanted her friends to be good people.

Fray- After getting into something she shouldn't have she sees everything as some kind of fun, silly game. She thinks that chasing her friends is a fun silly game. She thinks running over friends is a fun silly game. She kept all of her friends bodies in the back of her van, she'll move them around so they can still play games together. They talk, watch movies, and even cuddle together. Just like old times. This thing never wore off, she's insane forever.

Heather- She never got over her dad and how terrible of a person he was. Because of this even after meeting her friends she grew terrified of everyone and everything. She was so scared that she killed what she feared. She only saw the parts of her friends that could end badly. She was afraid of Lara because she was a criminal. She was afraid of Elaine because she thought she was too nice, she must have something wrong with her. Her paranoia caused her to kill the ones who cared for her. She's still scared of everything. Fight and flight in a way.

Overall- These kids are not from the same dimensions. They're all from their own dimension. They were taken but some other weirdly entity because they were terrible people and needed to be gone so they couldn't hurt anyone anywhere else. They end up killing this entity and now travel dimensions and find more people to kill for their own reasons. When they run out of places to hide they go to another dimension. They don't harm each other because they see them as the better version of their own friends. If the way I worded that makes sense. Heather isn't afraid of them because they've also killed, Lara wouldn't feel the need to protect them because they protect themselves, Amara finds them less appetizing, etc etc.

[marshmallowprotection]

If you don't answer this I completely understand you why and I don't blame you

But! How do you think the Choi twins + all the alters would reach to a mc who smokes 🍃🍃?

The answer shouldn't surprise you.

Ray doesn't care for cigarettes. He doesn't like the smell. His mother wasn't a smoker, but she would come home from the liquor store at night and smell strongly of someone else's smoke. Now, the smell of cigarettes is different from the smell of weed, but weed can be just as pungent as cigarette smoke. Given that Ray is sensitive to smells and easily overwhelmed by them, I would say that he wouldn't want to be near you when you're smoking, yet, he'd probably push himself to do it if the only time he could see you would be when you're taking your break to smoke.

That's just the kind of person Ray is. He may show obvious signs of discomfort, but he won't say anything about it even if you try to poke and prod him about it. He doesn't care that you smoke because he's certain you enjoy it for whatever reason, and he's happy that you get to indulge in whatever makes you happy—but it would be a lie to say he would be excited about you smoking anything when the smell will inevitably cling to your clothes.

You won't see him ask to smoke with you given his feelings about the smell that comes with it, but... he would appreciate it if you would open a window if you decide to smoke recreationally. I also can't see him or any Saeran responding well to the psychoactive quality of cannabis...

I'm well aware that not all weed is going to cause someone to go on a trip, but some people do not respond well to weed regardless of what strain they smoke, at least, that's what I've seen, and I don't think it'd be great to watch Ray or Saeran go through an entire episode of fear and paranoia. Cannabis can be calming for some, and we've made a lot of great advancements in medical marijuana, but as far as seeing this character smoke it? I just can't see it.

Suit Saeran would be vocal about his dislike of cannabis. He's more likely to say what Ray won't say to you, and that the smell bothered him. He's not going to smoke it if you offer it to him, he's more likely to throw it out the window if anything. Frankly, my main concern in regards to him is that the scent might spark more memories of his mother and that's not a good thing by any means. Even if you try to explain to him that it calms your nerves and helps you feel better at the end of it, he doesn't want to hear it.

GE Saeran is actually interested in learning more about cannabis. It's a plant, after all, and he's curious about the history behind it. He may not be likely to consume it the way you do, but he thinks there's a lot to learn about it given the fact that medicine has been able to use it to help patients with all sorts of health issues over the years. Plants have been used to help craft medication for years, and learning more about this subject might help him overcome his fear of consuming other medications. After all, the elixir contained God knows what and he's still trying to recover from what it did to his body.

Learning how to trust his doctors and pharmacy staff is going to take some time. If he learns more about cannabis, and by extension, all of the ways medication is created by doctors using different plants and chemical compounds, he's more likely to feel at home trusting them with his health. Again, he won't smoke with you, but I think it's worth saying he's more comfortable with you smoking outside than Ray or Suit Saeran would be because he's able to educate himself on what it does without the walls of Mint Eye suffocating him.

Saeyoung will not smoke cannabis. He made it clear that he is as straight-laced as they come, his only vice is Dr. Pepper, and that's what he considers his hard limit. He'll drink caffeine but he won't do anything else. I can't fault him for that. He knows that cannabis isn't something to shame or fault others for enjoying, just as much as he knows that anyone who enjoys alcohol doesn't deserve his ire. He's a supportive friend and lover, so if you enjoy something, he won't stop you from enjoying it!

Just... don't do it around him. If you like to drink, for example, he will not tell you you're not allowed to enjoy that glass of wine. He isn't the boss of you. He would just... appreciate not being subjected to it if he can help it if he's not in an environment that has the expectation of a wine bottle. He does fine at the RFA parties because he knows there will be drinking and he prepares himself for that! But, in his bunker...? No way! If you want to go to the bar, that's fine, just call him when it's late and you need a ride home.

Alcohol, cannabis, cigarettes, etc...? You need to make sure you have a healthy experience and taper your use of it so as not to fall to addictive habits. It's fine if you want to enjoy something because it makes you feel better, but there HAS to be a hard line somewhere.

He has seen what addiction can do to people—it's very tragic and overwhelming to see someone lose themselves. He doesn't want to see his loved ones fall into bad habits. This goes for more than just things we may consider to be "addictive" like alcohol and recreational drugs. It's possible to become addicted to all sorts of things, doing too much of something can be detrimental to your health.

At the end of the day, the twins aren't going to engage with cannabis as long as it's being smoked rather than consumed like a pill you can take. I can see an argument for medical marijuana, definitely, but I'm not sure I can ever see them smoking it. You will need to talk to them about boundaries regardless if this is something you do! There isn't anything wrong with enjoying some cannabis if it's 100% legal in your country, state, whatever.

The only problem I have with it myself is if you're smoking around someone who didn't consent to that. I'm all for people indulging and enjoying themselves in whatever way they desire but I don't want to be forced into a situation where I have to deal with it and I wasn't told someone was going to be doing that beforehand.

Honestly, I feel the same way about cigarettes. If you're going to smoke something, do it in a way that doesn't blow on other people. It's one thing if you're doing that within the confines of your home because that's your space and you get to decide what you do! But, it's another when it's a shared space and you didn't make sure it was okay beforehand. You wouldn't like it if someone started smoking in your area without your consent, right?

[inkrabbit]

Just some Mary hcs when they're sketching/painting while I slowly work on this discussion post-

Mary stays in shrimp position

They've tried sitting up straight or even laying back in bed, but hunched over his sketchbook or canvas just works better

He does own an easel, but that's mainly for the larger canvases

Yes, this idiot will still occasionally put the larger canvas on the floor and hunch over it

You can yell at them all you want to stop. It's not going to work

Contrary to popular belief, Mary actually listens to different music when he's painting or sketching

What's different music? Something slow with a chill beat. They'll even listen to some old romantic songs. Only You by The Platters is one of their favorites to start working with

If you notice Mary working too much on paintings (sacrificing sleep and meals) or even too little on them (having not touched a single painting in a month or more) please ask them if something is wrong. These are normally "warning" signs that something is wrong mentally, which can normally be stress or another episode of deep depression

On the very rare occasion, Mary working too much on his paintings can mean that he's neglected his schizophrenia medication due to forgetfulness. When this happens, their paranoia kicks in full force and they'll be too scared to even sleep. There isn't a way to "break" this. The most you can do is remind them to take their medication and be there for them (preferably in person and to spend a few nights in their apartment, but he understands if you're too busy to visit)

Sometimes Mary's sketches can be... a little out there

This shouldn't be a surprise because of the lyrics to their songs, but you should always be weary when you peek inside their sketchbook

Is it going to be scenery? Portraits? A portrait study of a dead body they dug up the other night? No one knows! Good luck.

I promise most of the sketches weren't for Mary to get his rocks off later

He actually has a morbid fascination with death because it was never talked about when they were growing up. His parents always shot down any "What happens when we die?" question from him and his siblings

Well Mary is now a grown adult that gets to see what exactly happens. And you know what? They love it. They love the circle of life, seeing what the person was buried in and what was buried with them

Mary never steals, though. He'll look through everything, and he even spent the night reading some Edgar Allan Poe when he saw the book tucked beside the corpse

But every time they're done, bored, or it's getting to almost be daylight, Mary will put everything back inside the casket and bury it neatly so it looks like no one was ever there

Sometimes Mary's sketches will reflect what they found. Books, jewelry, stuffed animals, wilted and dead flowers. At the bottom of the page, you'll find the name of the person that was inside the casket, along with the birth and death year

None of these sketches will ever make it to canvas. This is Mary's own personal outing and they don't feel the need to transfer something so personal onto canvas

What does Mary do with all of these paintings?

He sells them. Normally online, but if you've managed to drag them out to an art convention, he'll bring along several canvases

You always tell them they should charge more for their work, but Mary will just say it's not that big of a deal

Really, they're just happy someone loves their artwork and is willing to pay money so they can hang it in their home

Plus, some of the people recognize him and will gush about his music as well. These people get paintings for a little cheaper

Why?

"I feel like they've spent enough either coming to see our shows or buying our shit. I can afford to not make ten or twenty dollars."

[speuradair]

You asked for michael afton requetsts sooo

Michael afton being controlled by glitchtrap, glitchtrap trying to continue his legacy with his own son, wether he wants it or not

oh my god i love this. the angst is unmatched >>>

Michael got a little too close to something he shouldn't have

He's always had a habit of doing that

from being a rebellious teen who pushed his luck with a smart mouth to being an adult who just doesn't know how to stay away from the horrors of Fazbear Entertainment

From the very moment he saw that damned rabbit he knew he'd messed up

Now it seems to be following him, lingering in the corner of his eye and creeping in the shadows of his mind

when he's falling asleep and he finds himself in that fleeting mix of lucidity and sleep he can even hear him calling to him

"Hello. Can you hear me?"

No matter how hard he tries, he can't push the image of that thing from his mind

It's there from the time he wakes up to the time he falls asleep, even more so while he's asleep

Michael ends up getting less and less sleep until he's staying up all night

Then, overtired, he's hearing that voice again

"Let me out."

He isn't sleeping yet he's barely awake, functioning on autopilot as he goes through his day and his nightshifts at the pizzeria

He's forcing himself awake, making himself move to stay up and depriving himself of sleep until he's falling asleep at work the second he actually sits still

Michael wakes up in his desk chair in the security office with a pounding headache and confusion clouding his mind

he's used to being creeped out by the eerie atmosphere of the pizzeria at night, from the odd shiver down his spine to that feeling of paranoia that tends to build up over his six hour shift

but that was nothing compared to this

no matter how hard he tried he just couldn't seem to focus

he was dizzy, disoriented, confused

the last thing he remembered was clocking in just before midnight but now the clock read 5:30 am

How had he lost five and a half hours?

It takes a few moments for him to refocus

and then he notices the blood on his hands, the mud on his shoes

what the hell?

Was that his blood?

He didn't think so

He isn't in any pain that would indicate he'd actually gotten hurt

but if that's the case, who's blood was it?

Only then does he realize he can hear that voice again, laughing in satisfaction

[bibibievansbuckley]

tw: eating disorders, mentions of sleep deprivation/dv, self-hatred, and paranoia

--

"This is so stupid."

Ken glares at the plate as he spears the pasta with his fork. The clock ticks in the living room, a taunt that grows louder by the second. It's been nearly an hour. The pasta is probably cold by now and it won't even taste good, so maybe he should just -

"It's not stupid." Ken closes his eyes, inhaling sharply through the nose. He'd nearly forgotten about Colt. He hasn't looked at Colt since they sat down for dinner. Colt entwines their fingers, but it's a cold comfort. "It's okay, dollface. Look at me for a sec. I have an idea."

Ken hesitates before he turns his head to face Colt. When he opens his eyes, he fully expects to see anger, irritation, maybe even mockery, but there's none of that. Colt smiles softly at him, no hint of judgment. Ken doesn't deserve him. "Um." He swallows and jiggles his leg, trying desperately to calm his racing mind Don't eat that, it's not safe, but I haven't eaten all day and I'm so hungry, you're disgusting, stop that. "What was your idea?"

"I take a bite, and then you take a bite. We can do it together."

Guilt and shame curl deep in his belly. Colt's plate is untouched, pasta primavera long gone cold. "You didn't have to wait." Ken mumbles. "You could've eaten."

Don't wait for me. I can't eat normally. We're going to be here all night, can't you see that? I'm not worth your time.

"I know," Colt says airily. "I wanted to." Colt lifts his fork, and the smell of pasta, bell peppers, pepper flakes and so many vegetables Ken likes hits his nose. Resentment boils under his skin, always so close to the surface. As with most things, there is before and there is after.

In this case, before four and a half days of sleep deprivation and after four and a half days of sleep deprivation. Not being allowed to close his eyes for even ten minutes broke something inside of him. All he remembers is being irrevocably convinced that Patrick was poisoning him.

He wasn't. But from that moment, even when he finally slept, food was unsafe. Everything started innocently enough - Ken made sure that either he cooked, or they went out for dinner. So long as Patrick steered clear from the kitchen, it was safe. But then only certain foods were safe. Safe from what? Ken doesn't even know.

All he knows is that the list of safe foods got smaller by the week. He stopped having people over for dinner. Couldn't let them see how he ate, right? If there were plans to go out to eat, he wasn't allowed to eat until they got to the restaurant. Ken thought he was making the decisions at first. It's a funny thing, isn't it, the illusion of control? One minute you're eating without a care in the world, you're cutting zucchini into perfect symmetrical slices because it has to be Just Right, and of course I know what I'm doing, I'm fine, don't worry about me!

Then someone brings home pizza, and then there's the quickening of breathing, heart hammering away, palms sweating - finally, the illusion shatters.

There is no control.

There never was.

Now he's here, trying to recover and put the broken pieces of his life back together.

"Come on." Colt coaxes him with a gentle smile and knocks their shoulders together. "We're in this together."

Ken exhales slowly and lifts the fork to his mouth. If he doesn't try, he'll never get better. But being brave enough to try is so hard. "Together," he repeats. He quickly shoves the pasta in his mouth before his brain jumps at the chance to talk him out of it. He doesn't even taste the food before he swallows it. The fork falls onto the plate with a clang, and Ken buries his head in his shaking hands.

Stupid idiot, fucking worthless, why would you do that? Do you know what you just did?

Colt pulls Ken into his side, and Ken shudders. Colt shouldn't touch him. He's filthy, disgusting, and the dirt will spread and Ken can't do that to Colt, he can't -

But then Colt presses a kiss to his temple and utters a soft, "Good job." Ken doesn't pull away, even though he knows he should.

He's always been weak. What else is new?

[twyred]

character sheet (repost please, don't reblog.)

tagged by @yunalai tagging: The pool is yet small! If you're laying eyes on this, I should love to see your own response, feel free to tag me in it.

basics

FULL NAME. Vasil Tatarov NICKNAME. -- (in the context of titles like The Haruspex / The Bachelor, Vasil can be referred to as The Epigone.) GENDER. Male HEIGHT. 5'10" AGE. Most pit him between early 30s - late 40s. Very unclear. ZODIAC. "The stars only concern themselves with the Bound. It's not my place." SPOKEN LANGUAGES. English, Russian, minor amounts of Latin.

physical characteristics

HAIR COLOR. Ashen brown at best, looks a dirty grey at a distance. EYE COLOR. Milk white, looks like it must cloud vision partially. BODY TYPE. A sturdy frame. It could be strong, if it weren't so hungry for something. VOICE. Quiet, like every word is a secret. Manages to sounds like fevered muttering even when all the words are clear. DOMINANT HAND. Right-handed. POSTURE. Hunched, with a perpetual lean to one side. SCARS. Littering his hands; he wasn't always good with a scalpel. A diagonal scar from the right shoulder to the left ribs; shouldn't have gone out at night. TATTOOS. None but the marks of time. BIRTHMARKS. A tan, jagged patch at the hip. MOST NOTICEABLE FEATURE(S). A crooked nose. The bandage over his right eye. The haunted stare remaining in the left.

childhood

HOMETOWN / PLACE OF BIRTH. Gorkhon, Russia. SIBLINGS. An older sister; Enka. PARENTS. Andrei & Olena Tatarov.

adult life

OCCUPATION. General medical practitioner & haematologist. Organ trafficker. Prophet of the ill. CURRENT RESIDENCE. Varies. Currently nomadic. CLOSE FRIENDS. ". . ." RELATIONSHIP STATUS. Single. He's been slightly preoccupied with the plague. FINANCIAL STATUS. Extremely skint. DRIVER’S LICENSE. Not officially, but acts as a driver for his domitor when called upon in Vampire: The Masquerade 'verse. CRIMINAL RECORD. Nothing on paper. "It isn't killing. What a horrific idea. No, it's... rebirth." VICES. Hypocrisy. All manner of tinctures, their benefits varied and effectiveness dubious. In the V:TM: 'verse, an added addiction to vitae.

sex and romance

SEXUAL ORIENTATION. Homosexual. PREFERRED EMOTIONAL ROLE. submissive | dominant | switch PREFERRED SEXUAL ROLE. submissive | dominant | switch LIBIDO. Low. TURN ON’S. Intellect & drive. TURN OFF’S. Arrogance, classists. Physical advances with no emotional connection. LOVE LANGUAGE. Words of affirmation. There are times even Vasil grows unsure if his ambitions are justifiable. RELATIONSHIP TENDENCIES. Tends towards people also down on their luck. Rarely initiates intimate relationships first.

miscellaneous

THEME SONG. Could’ve Moved Mountains · Silver Mt. Zion HOBBIES TO PASS TIME. Vasil struggles actively against the passing of time. He is always researching, carving, theorising, gathering. Learning. Someone must be ready. LEFT OR RIGHT BRAINED. He resents this distinction. Leans more towards right-brained; abstract thought & intuition. PHOBIAS. Returning from death. Vasil believes without a doubt this will happen to him, and to others involved in some cyclic horror he refers to only as "the story." SELF CONFIDENCE LEVEL. Moderate. VULNERABILITIES. Prone to overly trusting those who express admiration or agreement in regards to his work. Easily beaten in physical conflicts. Preyed on by paranoia; believes something terrible and unspoken is coming.

[tinylittlecubby]

I just had the WEIRDEST fucking dream about jj like?????????????????

Okay it was tied into another dream cause thats how dreams work but that part isn't important (I will say that someone was wearing 2 bags of frozen vegetables like they were dresses and yes there were still vegetables in the bags and yes they did get in trouble) but anyway!!! It changes to some brawl in the parking lot of someone's business and everyone needs to get the fuck out (but it was like a bunch of children and some adults I do not know why I was there or any other of the adults. I think the kids were trying to do some legit property damage so the adults were trying to stop them?) So jj (in a tesla for some reason I feel like THAT was unrealistic) drives me and him away from the scene but bro this nigga was SPEEDING!!!! Like got the attention of the police speeding. Like two other cars did aggressive u turns to avoid him speeding!! I literally started hyperventilating cause I HATE when people speed (specifically men, women scare me less when they speed in a car so my reaction is realistic) I tell jj to pull into a busy mall parking lot so we blend in with the rest of the cars and that somehow works. We are now just sitting in the car and I start talking about our relationship (didnt know we were involved but we roll) and I said "I'm scared you're going to hurt me" (yo I FELT SO for real vulnerable saying that in the dream it felt so real im never dating irl I woke up pissed off) and HE GOT POUTY AND UPSET 😡 he said "oh because we are getting more serious you are getting worried about these things" (first of all bitch! I have clinical paranoia issues and anxiety okay I've done been worried about this and 2 I can feel however I want to feel at any point in time and 3 you LITCHERALLY just out ran the police okay I do NOT find that hot its only hot when I do it,its irresponsible when other people do it. Unfortunately I did not say any of this in the dream.) What I said in response was essentially that "im not worried about you hurting me with your hands or words -even though fucking high key his reaction fucking pissed me off which is a type of hurt but I digress- which only leaves one type of you hurting me left and that is physically losing you. Like you dying" and then we started talking about it and he tried to break the tension by making a comment that I wont write here because I feel like its a comment that I shouldn't even be dreaming about (its enough im dreaming about the nigga but im not trying to read his life like that either) and during this i saw my older sister in the parking lot with her friends????? And then she saw me????? And then she came over and was like "haha ******* is with a guy romantically!" And honestly to that I say based,she was valid in that reaction cause outside of this dream thats never going to happen intentionally!! I will make sure of that!! But yeah thats pretty much where the dream ends but it was weird as fuck and whats sticking out to me is how pouty he got when I was vulnerable I felt like saying "fuck you!! I'm out" I was absolutely anticipating him being like "omg honey what have I done for you to think that oh no nono" but instead I had to pivot. I know in real life I would've gotten out the car and been like "yknow what bye boi im walking home have fun speeding in your iPad car" but I felt feelings for him???? Fucking gross. Not gross cause of who he is,he is an extremely attractive man in real life and I would most likely,like 98% break most of my rules for him in real life BUT it was just so antithetical to his public persona his reaction (but then again I dont know the man so it could've been actually spot on) honestly the first red flag that it was evil jj was the speeding away from the police,don't think he would do that irl. Anyway anyway anyway this is what you get when you stay up all night listening to the podcast amongstotherthingsthatilegallycannotdisclose

[noirhistories]

"you had a guy like that come in and there wasn't a bar fight? surprising." ari can just imagine the kind of rhetoric that guy was spewing, but one doesn't go to nails for the high brow clientele. there's a reason for their reputation and it's well deserved, but he doesn't need to explain that to max, who must have some kind of preservation instinct. ari doesn't blame max for finding his podcasts about murder more interesting than a chat about politics with someone like that, but ari has never been one for political talks. or religious talks, for what's likely obvious reasons, and yet the proselytizers keep finding him like they could smell something on him.

despite all the time he spends with criminals, the necrophilia twist is unexpected and gets a snort out of ari before he tilts his head in thought. "if he had some kind of obsession with necrophilia, i would argue that he tried killing her because he loved her. he loved her enough to want to have her in life and death and possess her completely. if there wasn't something about her to make it special, he could have just dug up a dead body. if he waited for a flood, he could have his pick and store them for a lonely night." morbid, but he isn't saying that the guy was in his right mind. love is just a chemical cocktail and it's so easy for love to tip into paranoia or worse, so fuck the idea that love is only ever a good and pure thing.

maybe he shouldn't have been making jokes about desecrating a corpse, but ari's never been known for his social skills and he isn't particularly worried about scandalizing max even if there was a chance max was trying to poison him at that moment. "nuclear waste isn't nearly as impressive to look at compared to barbicide," ari comments, strictly for the sake of being a dick as he takes a sip and he has to hand it to max, he wants to make a face over how sour it tastes. "it's like a jolly rancher made of acid. i'm impressed." and curious to see if max is going to dare try taking a sip.

"yeah, everyone in this shithole is a weirdo. but they're not—there's different kinds of weirdos. a guy came in last week with a leather jacket hand painted to look like the american flag. you can imagine what he had to say about politics. nothing i want to hear about." human evil is always so... boring and unimaginative. oh, sure. hate the unknown. hate the differences. hate what base instinct and horrible upbringing tells you is the easiest. it's that kind of hatred that undermines what he's trying to do—he should be the face of ultimate evil! instead, he's out gunned by a bunch of lunatics! but he'll give ari something—it probably doesn't hold a candle to the true horror that is the criminal mind. that's the kind of evil he would like to hear more about, the inherent, creeping darkness of it all... no, instead he gets a bunch of people drugged up on fear. what a useless emotion it is, too. he knows his underground friend will agree with that sentiment. "serial killer, actually. i guess those are kind of like crimes of passion... of your passion is necrophilia. but anyway, he tried to kill his girlfriend and one host said that means it's obvious he never loved her. the other argued that maybe he did, but that love wasn't good enough to save him, or whatever. curious what someone who actually works with these people would think... other than that they're a bunch of losers. which, obviously—that's why they get caught." he watches ari sip and is surprised when he doesn't immediately double over in pain. "i call it nuclear waste," he says, brow arched. "and you know what, if that's not good enough for you..." he snatches the glass back, offering one last evil glare before he lunges for the shelves. what does he put into it? the better question is what doesn't he? hanging it back to ari, he seethes with daring spirit—go on, future heart attack, drink it! "review that."

[goopymess]

Ive gotten to a point that I actually think I should be heavily more medicated. not that I fucking like it. I already struggle with just antidepressants— but this isn't right.

I shouldn't be waking up at night lightheaded as if I just ran a marathon, and terrified of something that I don't even remember.

my BPD shouldn't restrict me of doing things because of how bad it gets sometimes.

my paranoia shouldn't make me not step out of my room cuz if I do something will happen.

but how. how should I afford it. I'm not ready to start getting jobs. I'm doing the best I can trying to open a shop for my little trinkets. but who the fuck will spend money on something they can easily do. who the fuck will see my things and say "I want to spend money on that, even if it's simple and I could do it myself". no one. fucking no one.

[marshmallowprotection]

Whenever I have a massive panic attack out of the blue, the only thing I can think about with my life by Saeran's side is how fast he'd pick up on the signs, likely far faster than I'd be able to since I hardly notice I'm lost until I feel the sensation and creeping dread, and a thought like that cools me down when I'm at my wit's ends. It's such a small thing but the perspective helps.

His gentle hands fast as a lightning bolt to keep me from trying to make sure I haven't lost feeling in different spots forever, a calm voice whispering in my ear to remind me to pace my breathing when it feels like my air isn't coming in fast enough, and a rumble of his heartbeat to bring me back down just as soon as the tunnel vision fades away. It's the thought of his gentleness in the name of the worst terror someone could ever feel without a rhyme or reason to explain why.

It's the thought of knowing that he wouldn't move from that very spot until I was able to properly communicate what was happening to me and what I needed him to do for me, if at all. It's knowing that he would understand more than anybody else what to do and after a lifetime of people not understanding and not bothering to learn how to do the right thing even if they're close to me, the thought is an immense comfort.

Saeran very well knows what it feels like to be overcome with something that you can't control. He spent so many nights in a lonely room working himself into a frenzy until he felt like he was going to be sick. He... didn't have anybody back then to be there for him the way he needed. He didn't have anybody to explain what was happening whenever he woke up with terror.

Does anybody ever wonder if he thought that was just a normal experience? What is that like for him when he discovers that it's not normal for him to feel miserable? Sure, he knows that he doesn't have to feel angry all the time, but does he know that he shouldn't feel constant dread or paranoia all the time?

Does he know what it means to have a panic attack? Does he know what it means to have anxiety?

He knows the feelings as they are shown time and time again as his thoughts and experiences, but did anybody teach him the words?

I think about it, sometimes. I think about how Saeran wasn't able to know there was a word for what he was experiencing with his mind until he escaped from Mint Eye. There's a lot of things he doesn't know about the world, but one thing is for certain, I can imagine the unadulterated relief that he must feel on the inside to be validated. For him to be told that what he's experiencing has a name, and there are things he can do to make it better, by his side, I think I would weep with him.

Being able to have language like that is undescribable. Some people may not understand how crucial it is for some people to have the language to communicate what they're going through, but when you are somebody like Saeran who has been constantly robbed of his autonomy, him being able to describe what he's going through and what he needs is a godsend. It may take him a while to learn what he wants or needs when he's struggling, but having the ability to communicate it at all is the important part.

Sometimes, all you want is for somebody to substantiate your feelings. You just want somebody to say that your feelings are valid and that what you're experiencing is real. No derailments. No cover-ups. You want to be told that what you're feeling is real and it's going to be okay. You don't want anybody to tell you that what you're feeling is fake and that you need to get over yourself. Saeran is the kind of person who would understand what you're feeling and want to do right by you, no matter what you need.

Why? I think that's simple, it's because you're always there for him and you want to do right by him. You helped him realize that he wants to help people as much as he wants to help himself, and you are the most important one he wants to cherish. There's something Beautiful about being able to gently coax each other through a panic attack. There is something about being in perfect Harmony and understanding what your partner needs, and even if it's not perfect, the fact that you try is what matters.

That's all it takes to feel like the storm will die before it becomes consuming to cry over and there will be no goddamn victory run for the terror that isn't welcome to stay in my head.

"My love, I understand that you may not be able to think clearly right now, but I want you to know that I'm not going anywhere. I will stay right here by your side as long as you need me. If you want me to leave, I'll leave until you need me to come back. But I want you to know that no matter what, I've got you. My heart will protect you from any fear you have. I've got you and I'll never let go. I've got you. I've got you, I promise."