#this isn’t really about like. slur discourse or the word queer btw

[terriblelizbians]

hyperfocus on language and using the “correct” phrasing/words is not great and can often be harmful to activist causes yeah yeah but like. i don’t love when that swings to the other direction of like, mocking people for being uncomfortable with certain terms

[bluevii]

I've been sitting on this thought for well over a decade.. I'm really not a fan of people treating the rainbow flag as the gay man's flag, likewise with the "gay" label; and more importantly, I'm sick of people treating like gay men themselves are somehow the ones perpetuating this. Gay men have never claimed the rainbow flag, or any label, as exclusively theirs and there's a good fucking reason for it. Yet some (mostly younger) queers, allies, and now even corporations, keep treating the rainbow flag and gay label as exclusively belonging to gay men, causing more discourse to say the least.

And you can see the consequences of that -- nowadays some of y'all don't think twice about calling a queer man slurs and mocking them publicly, because queer men are seen as acceptable targets because they are men, and because the picture of a gay man they have in their head is a rich white cis (passing) gay man. And while we're on the subject, it never made sense to me how y'all can claim you are an ally to people of colour, but time and time again you prove you only ever think of white people, and never consider how your actions affect people of colour. You say your public displays of internalized homophobia, and make no mistake that's what that is tho it doesn't excuse it in the slightest, are just aimed at the privileged of the unprivileged, but do you seriously think your actions exist in a vacuum? That your "activism" won't have backlash against queer men of colour, and other queer groups? As if y'all don't contribute to the erasure of people of colour in society's perception by acting like your words and actions only affect white people.

Gay men, as a group, never had their own exclusive flag or label until recently, and we all witnessed how y'all reacted to that btw, yet people keep losing their shit when their flag or label isn't explicitly mentioned as if gay men's are?? Or god forbid there is actual mlm representation in media, "oh how could they waste their precious queer rep quota on yet another mlm couple, surely gay men have had enough representation" is what some of y'all genuinely seem to think, or at least act as if that's the case. As if gay men are somehow hogging the spotlight, often times simply by existing as gay men visibly.

Nowadays we have all these flags and labels and that's wonderful, but it did not start with gay men claiming the rainbow flag and the label as theirs, like some of y'all convinced yourselves and others. Gay men, queer men, are suffering from hypervisibility, always have, society's focus on them is not their fault and it is not a privilege, stop acting like it is.

[romolite]

*Important FAQ*

Aka questions that pertain to what I usually post about or stuff I don’t like getting asks about but continue to get asks about regardless.

[Insert any invasive question about my ethnicity/race]

I’m Ghanaian American. My parents were born in Ghana and I was born here in the US. I’ve seen it more on twitter and tumblr, but Black Africans don’t like me because I’m American, and black Americans don’t like me because I’m African. So I’m stuck in the middle lmao. I’m what you’d consider a First-Generation African, my parents are Continental Africans, and if I have children, they will be considered Generational African Americans.

First Generation African: A black person born in the US to parents who were born in Africa

Generational African American: A black person born in the US to US-born black parent(s)

Continental African: A black person born in Africa to parents who were also born in Africa

Non is just a prefix, black people don’t have a monopoly on the term! I suppose you think nonbinary people are racist huh?

Yeah sure it wasnt coined by black people but the context it’s currently used as was predominantly used by black people. ALL people who are not black benefit from and contribute to antiblackness, even if they are marginalized themselves. That kind of dynamic doesnt exist in other contexts (unless we’re talking about transfem + transmisogyny, but that’s something you’d have to talk to someone who is transfem about. Plus they have their own word for  “non-transfem”). Using it in contexts outside of antiblackness is appropriative (Yall are annoying as fuck with the “non-aspec” “non-lesbian”(this term also has anti-bi roots btw) “non-bi” shit etc, stop it. You also can’t complain about the “replacement terms” lumping yall with oppressors when “non-x” does the exact same thing you’re so worried about. “Cis” puts cis gays with cis hets, cis disabled people with cis abled people, cis white people with cis poc, I could go on.) 

Plus we’re talking about marginalized groups here. Black people are a marginalized group. Binary people as a whole are not so the term nonbinary isn’t appropriate at all.  I dont take issue with terms like “nonamerican” or “nonwhite” because (obviously) whites + americans as a whole aren’t oppressed for being white or american.

Basically using "non-x” in contexts to talk about oppression bad, everything else good.

Follow up: If we can’t use non-[marginalized group], what can we use instead?

There are other words to describe the people you’re talking about

non-transfem- TME

non-LGBT- cishet, or people who aren’t LGBT

non-trans - cis

Black people don’t have a monopoly on the acronym nb! I’ll call myself nb if I want to!

At this point I dont really care, go on your antiblack crusade elsewhere and out of my inbox, I’m always gonna mean nonblack when I use the acronym nb. 

And yes, you’re antiblack as fuck if you think black people telling you “nb” stands for “nonblack” is the same as exclusionists claiming “aspec” is for autistic people.

Is x AAVE?

I have a tag dedicated to what is and is not aave and how harmful it is for nonblacks to use aave given its history. I know some things overlap with southern culture but others are specifically for black people. A lot of “stan twitter” language/slang is just repackaged AAVE. No, I can’t tell you how to stop using AAVE. Don’t tell me you’re going to try to stop using AAVE, I don’t want to hear it.

Why don’t you like the n-word being compared to LGBT slurs?

Race and Sexuality/Gender aren’t comparable topics because each deals with a different history of oppression. I don’t care about slur discourse that much because I don’t even use/reclaim any myself except the n-word.

I have a problem with nonblack LGBT people co-opting black culture and struggle(like they always do), especially for trivial online discourse.

And to be honest it goes deeper than slur discourse. Every other day someone is weaponizing the oppression of black trans women, or comparing “cishet aces/aros” in the LGBT community to white/nonblack people invading black spaces (you know, something that ACTUALLY takes resources away from the people who need it, see the cultural appropriation of Black African and Blac American culture in literally any nonblack community while black people get demonized for said culture), or tokenizing their black friends to get away with something blatantly racist. And that’s not even getting into how a lot of gay slang/stan culture is just repurposed AAVE/black culture.

And I’m not gonna lie, I’ve seen this more with exclusionist accounts than inclus accounts, but it’s still not excusable for inclus to do that either. We get erased as black gay/trans/queer/aspec people up until it’s time for discourse accounts to bring us up to one-up each other

Can you give me advice on x?

Most likely not, because I’m not an expert or an advice blog. I’ll try, but don't take my word for it. I’m also tme, able-bodied, not Jewish, singlet, etc, so I’m not able to accurately answer questions about transmisogyny, (physical?) ableism, antisemitism, “sycourse”, etc.

I might be able to give advice on school-related stuff since I just graduated high school, but remember that students are not a monolith, and what worked for me may not work for someone else.

Can I follow if I’m nonblack/a minor/cishet?

Nonblack and/or cishet can follow but watch your step, minors blacklist the #minors dni tag before following

Why do you hate Ao3?

*long sigh*

I don't, I have a problem with the fact that it allows racist and (frankly voyeuristic) pedophilic/abusive/incestuous content to exist on its platform. It’s a good concept overall, but the devs are complicit in allowing “underage” and “noncon/dubcon” fics on their platform.

And there's the fact that they somehow need donations every year despite exceeding their goal several times over each year?

What’s wrong with Hazbin Hotel/The Ships/Vivziepop?

[WIP, as I have to go into extensive detail about this and I currently don’t have the energy for it]

TLDR: Viv made a half-assed apology for supporting racists (one of whom did blackface [yes the mask was used to do blackface shut up] to mock black activist) and drawing gross content. Her current projects including Hazbin Hotel are full of anti-gay/trans/aspec (Angel Dust, Vaggie, Alastor), antisemetic (Mimzy), and racist (Vaggie again, that yellow cyclops character that I’ve forgotten the name of) content under the guise of humor. If you’re into that shit, whatever, just don’t follow me and don’t whine when I make posts criticizing it.

What’s wrong with Hamilton?

Aside from the fact that it’s very obviously glorifying slave owners and made people worldwide believe the founding fathers were good people, LMM, the creator, is nonblack. This isn't his story to tell at all. 

Can you tag x?

I have a list of things I usually tag because they come upon this blog a lot. I cannot do catch all tags, as I have way too many followers for that. The closest thing to that is the “ask to tag” tag when there’s something potentially triggering but I’m not sure what it is. Everything is tagged as “x tw”. If something is extremely triggering, I’ll tag it as “major tw”

Do you tag slurs?

I tag slurs I’m not able to reclaim at all (i.e., d slur, f slur, t slur) or slurs I can reclaim but are being used as a slurs. I don’t tag the n-word, as I reclaim that one. I always tag the r slur

Can I message you about something/someone?

Unless you’re a mutual, most likely no. My DMs are only open to mutuals.

Do you want to be mutuals?

I don’t usually follow back people who follow me, especially if you’re under 16 or post things I’m not interested in.

Why is it important to have byf or about?

1) So I know gross people aren’t following me. This is not up for discussion

2) So I know someone’s not speaking out of their lane, which tends to happen a lot. (i.e, someone refusing to disclose that they are tme when discussing transmisogyny, someone not having their race listed when discussing racism)

3) Some people don’t want to interact with people under 18 or over like 30 or something.

Yeah, yeah, people aren’t entitled to personal information and all that crap but I have a serious problem with people speaking on topics from a place of privilege. Not to say they can’t talk about those things, just perhaps add a disclaimer that you’re privileged when talking about these things and be open to criticism, and NOT blocking people of the said marginalized group when they tell you something you’ve said was problematic.

I also have a problem with people who are intentionally vague about their age. There’s a difference between interacting with someone who’s 20 and someone who’s 29. I don’t want to say it’s the opposite for minors but at the same time there’s a difference for saying something racist at 13 and doing so at 17, and keeping your age vague makes it harder to determine how to deal with something like that. (Not that 13-year-olds shouldn’t know better, it’s just I don’t feel whole ass callout posts and receipt blogs are necessary for someone of that age).

Also anyone under 16, I can't stop you from following, but keep your interaction limited, please. This isnt an 18+ blog but I do rb suggestive jokes from time to time

I sent you an ask and you never answered it!

It’s likely that

I never got it

You were blocked

I’ve already answered this or it’s been answered in my faq

It’s a random positivity ask (which I appreciate but not sure how to respond to those)

You were rude in your ask and I didn’t feel like answering

I forgot until it was too late, which happens when my inbox gets a lot of asks at a time.

You sent it to the wrong blog (I.e, sending asks about my ocs to this blog instead of @ochood )

Hey, the op is [insert post] is [someone on my dni]! I usually double-check myself, just to be sure.

Have you heard about [someone who is mutuals with someone I’m loosely connected with]?

Most likely, no. And unless they’re an immediate danger to someone or they’ve got my name in their mouth, I don’t care.

Do you know who [x person/group/thing] is?Most likely no. Not to sound like a hipster but I don't usually keep up to date with trends. If I do hear about something, it’s most likely from twitter or Instagram.

Why am I blocked? Check here.

Why do you continuously move mains/change URLs/update themes?

I’m inconsistent. And sometimes there are posts on my blog that I no longer stand by.

Can I tag you in posts I think I’d like?Of course! 

[dilutedd]

here’s a list of popular/common users who are aphobes so those of us who don’t want to platform them can avoid them

or in other words, I see these guys casually on posts a lot and want you all who are reblogging them to know they are aphobes (and some of them have done worse yet, such as abuse, rape apologism, transphobia, being anti sj, racism, etc)

tw for: ableism, abuse, abuse apologism, biphobia, body shaming, child sexual abuse, cissexism, conversion therapy, death/violent threats, fatphobia, gaslighting, homophobia, intersexism, lesbophobia, misgendering, pedo apologism, pedophilia, queerphobia, racism, radfems/terfs/swerfs, rape, rape apologism, sex shaming, sexism, sexual abuse, sexual harassment, suicide baiting, transphobia, truscum, whorephobia

edit Last updated: 12/11/2017

[edit] fun fact: I am trans and queer!! thanks for the misgendering, misidentifying, threats, constant use of misogynistic slurs, and suicide bait!

(will exclusionists ever stop misgendering inclusionists and calling them the b-slur? the world may never know)

[edit] Honestly this has now become just a general list of aphobes for people to block, not necessarily specifically of people I “see a lot” that people don’t know about. So with that in mind, here’s an extension that lets you block a list of people at once. (edit: link fixed, sorry!) Unfortunately, it’s only for Google Chrome and I’m not sure if there are other versions out there for other browsers.

[edit] Latest additions, so people can keep track of updates: cadaverjones, captainfunkpunkandroll, captainprism, chainsawpunk, cherryseltzer, chloepricekin, chunke, cisphobepapyrus, clara-the-slytherin-graduate, clarith, clusterc, commanderlotus, commuwuism, confused-alien-on-earth, constowllation, corrgii, courtneyhammett, cozybears, crash-bandisloot, crawlybug, crunchydude, cuckmobile, cybernetyx, cyberni, depechemodemutual, peppermint-dyke, reindeer-ritsu, romansilver, wikdsushi

[edit] Other block lists to take note of: Pedo apologist list and list of other shitty inclusionists, list of anti-sj, anti-feminists, terfs, truscum, and their apologists

[edit] Previous versions of this list. Keep in mind these may contain users that have been removed.

[edit4] Aphobic as in,

don’t believe aro/aces are LGBT+,

don’t think aphobia is real, don’t think ace/aro pride is needed and/or that it is homophobic, don’t think aro/ace issues should be discussed,

think asexuality and aromanticism aren’t real, are “just modifiers”, are “just internalized homophobia”, and/or are fake “special snowflake” identities,

or worse, that aspecs need to be medically/psychologically examined - that being aspec is or is a symptom of a medical disorder or mental illness,

think asexuality just means someone doesn’t like or have sex,

don’t think we should educate about asexuality,

think minors can’t be aspec,

think the A is for “ally” which is particularly ironic while arguing aces don’t belong because they’re “cishet invaders”

think asexuality and/or aromanticism is pedophilia, homophobic, inherently abusive, or nsfw, etc

believe having sex without attraction is bad, mentally ill, abusive, rape, etc (just in general a lot of sex-shaming shit that often pulls in whorephobia), or even think aspecs can’t or shouldn’t date

often don’t even think you can be gay/etc and ace, and make sweeping statements against asexuality in general, so “lgbt aces” is a bunch of lying shit

make and support numerous lies regarding the discourse, such as that MOGAI was “coined by a pedophile” or that aspec was “stolen from autistics”

And most of them are biphobic, such as believing biphobia doesn’t exist, using phrases like “bihet”, and hating on “”””new”””” or “”””fake”””” identities in general, which means many are truscum/anti-nonbinary/exorsexist as well (fun fact: truscum came up with this “the mogais” shit btw), and most of them believing in “straight/cis passing” privilege

And tend to have a habit of shitting on people who identify as queer, or even imply or directly say nobody is allowed to ID as queer, as well as a habit of intersexism on top of that. Many also think it’s inherently homophobic to be triggered or uncomfortable by general pda and related content, including sexually explicit content (there’s generally a lot of anti-survivor and anti-sex repulsed bs).

Annnnd a lot of the cis here keep using “cishet” which is not their fucking word to use! because they have cis privilege! they are not oppressed by cis people! And a lot of them speak over trans people or outright try to educate us about what is “really” transphobic in the discourse. And the amount of misgendering is extreme, if the above big and bold part didn’t indicate that well enough.

Just look at my damned discourse tag ffs.

That being said of course if you see someone on here who is additionally abusive, an assailant, a radfem/truscum, etc, feel free to mention it. Blogs like @regreceipts and @aphobehallofshame and @justaphobethings​ has quite a lot of posts on these people (and others) saying awful things and being nasty.

[edit] Due to the increased harassment, transphobia, and threats, I am now auto-blocking everyone added to this list. If you do NOT believe any of the above and I’ve made a mistake, you’ll have to find another way besides a message or reply to correct this.

[edit] Also, (many) people on here aren’t irredeemable, there have been cases of people changing and being removed from here. There’s also the case of when someone else (often unrelated) takes over the URL and gets removed from here. If that happens, let me know… but again because of the abuse, these blogs are autoblocked, so you’ll have to find a way around that.

[edit5] “Why are there deactivated people on here?”

because regardless of deactivation their posts still exist and their comments on others’ posts also still exist, so, people who don’t want to give aphobes a platform should avoid those posts, that’s the point of this list

0829z

0nlyskeletonbcnesremain

16bitdiscourse (also threatens physical violence on aces for coming out)

343-guiltyspark / x2013x (also a terf and makes posts about violently attacking trans people)

37q

3amstims

3coursemeal

410940

4lung

6-/-6-6 (remove / for blocking purposes, tumblr autocorrects it to a longer dash)

6c415f (also a terf and biphobe)

6juggernaut

8bitprincex

9-lovs (also a terf and pedo apologist)

96galdeco

999twink

9enj1

a-bit-of-luck-and-a-lot-of-hunk

a-phobia

aawb (also a terf, doesn’t believe in biphobia, doesn’t believe that refusing to date or befriend bi people is biphobic, and believes that bi women are privileged over lesbians)

abigots

abracababra / discourspicy

accelgors (also biphobic)

ace-aro-spectrum-ppl-can-b-str8

ace-bpd-sangwoo

ace-cringe

ace-discourse-attorney

ace-tears

acecommunityreceipts (also claims aces can’t be raped for being ace)

acediscourse-central

acediscourseconsumer

acediscoursehalloffame

acediscourselesbian

acediskhorse

acenvy

aceoppression (also believes calling trans people cishets isn’t misgendering)

acephobeon

acephobia101 (also believes sex ed shouldn’t be taught to children and that you can’t know you’re ace until you’re a teen)

acephobiafreediscourse (also defended discourseprincesa (see below) and protested her outing)

acephobiaisajoke / gonnadeleteafter (also a rape apologist)

acepom

acetungldotcom (also suicide baits; wishes death on aces)

aceslation / lesbiandiscordblog (also blames Ace Tumblr TM for lesbian porn)

acevorese

acting-lesbianistically

aceslayertrannie

acetungle

acewlws

achievement-hunter

acoupleofradfems (also a terf)

actualaphobe

adlernotes

[scriptlgbt]

Cleaning up

Hi! Mod Scix here! We’re trying to cut our way through the inbox, and I’ve compiled a few similar asks. This post will be a lot of ask and very short answer. Please understand this isn’t me being rude, I’m just trying to be efficient so we can get less behind. (hee hee, “behind”)

The first category of questions are errors:

Anonymous said:

(nb 2/3) They’re feminine, but choose against HRT/surgeries (maybe later?) bc they’re on PREP and the combination might lead to lower bone density (they’re a MedSchool stdt, they’d know). And they’re on Prep bc their boyfriend, the protag, is Poz, but their relationship isn’t healthy (constant arguing and protag trying to decide NB-char’s career for them). But NB-char puts up with it for years. Partly for love, partly bc protag accepts their gender, and they think they won’t ever have that again

Anonymous said:

Clarifying a few things about my ask (I'm the anon with the love triangle): 1. Gender/sexuality is of minimum importance in this story. Tough to explain, but the MC doesn't really have a concept of those issues? She's afab but agender for all intents and purposes. 2. The relationship between the two men is way healthier/happier than that between the MC and her ex. 3. There's no animosity between the MC and her ex's current partner.

Sorry, the rest of your questions are missing. If it's still a relevant question, please resend.

The next set I call research:

@teal0cean said:

Hello!! Love you guys! I wanted to ask if you know about the history of HRT for trans males. As in. What was or wasnt available or how the process of transitioning was during some historical period or other (im interested in early 20th Century!)

@yevie said:

Do you have any information on what sorts of resources/information would be available for a (lower-middle class, 20 year old nursing student in a metropolitan area) trans man in 1995? [Resources in terms of both social transitioning, especially in his academic and work setting and also resources in the whole LGBT community aspect and having access to the language to describe his experiences.] (He's also gay and ace, if that's relevant.)

Anonymous said:

I heard theres discourse about the terms FTM/MTF/etc. whats that about??

Anonymous said:

So I've always wondered about this, but I don't to seem like I'm insulting anybody. :( I just really want to know how it works... but I'm to scared to ask so I'm going to drop it here, because I think you will understand! :) (1/2)

You see, If a female decides to do the transision to male. How will she get the male genitalia and loose the female one? I really want to know. Does it hurt? (2/2)

Anonymous said:

How and when do people realize they might be homosexual?

Anonymous said:

Can you think of any really good ideas for a short LGBTQ film? Thank you!

Anonymous said:

Do you know where I could read a bit more about lgbtq+ stereotypes so that I don't do it myself?

Anonymous said:

What is bi/tri/polygender

Anonymous said:

I am making a documentary so i need a good script on it in hindi, would you be able to provide it?

So these are all research questions. Not actually what we are here for, though we do sometimes dive in. The first couple may be tougher to find using google, but the rest are pretty easy to dig up. Or else need to be reworded to narrow the focus. And sometimes the questions we get have built-in assumptions that kinda make it impossible to answer fairly.

Like the assumption that we write Hindi.

If anyone wants to answer these, please be civil.

The next section is the quick answer:

Anonymous said:

Do any trans men choose not to take hormones, even if they're available to the person? I know this answer would really vary from person to person, but I'm thinking of writing a trans man who doesn't want to take hormones, and I'm not sure if that would be considered unusual or not really understanding of the desires most transgender people have.

@pan-at-thedisco said:

Is it plausible for a trans boy who can definitely afford transition surgery to choose not to? Is this something that happens often?

Yeah, transfolk sometimes choose not to get surgery or take hormones. Don’t worry about “often,” it’s fiction.

Anonymous said:

Hello there, I have this male character that I wrote a long time ago and only recently have I been seeing him as bi, now he has crushes on guys but he still ends up with a girl. I can't help but feel like I "cheated" in a way by making a bi character have a hetero relationship but I don't want to change his relationship. I just want to hear your opinion about this.

It's not a hetero relationship, because he is in it. Just don't write it that the new relationship is fixing him, or more real, or anything like that.

Anonymous said:

I want to ask about usage of the word "queer" not in reference to a person or their gender/sexual orientation. Its original meaning meant "strange." It later became a slur, and has now been reclaimed by some in the community. I'm wondering if it's still okay to use it in its original meaning (i.e. "In front of him was the queerest fog he'd ever seen.") or has the evolution of the word has made that no longer acceptable, even if you're writing period/a specific atmosphere?

Go for it! Just be aware it sounds kind of old-fashioned.

Anonymous said:

hi! do you think it would be considered ok for a nonbinary character in a historical setting to use their language's equivalent of "it/its" pronouns? i'm cis and i'm worried people will take it the wrong way, but the character just wants to be convenient as their language only has one set of gender-neutral pronouns and it's for inanimate objects

No. If it's a fictional language, then it can have a gender-unspecified pronoun that doesn't only refer to objects.

@dreamwishing said:

I have a rather odd question. Odd enough that I'm not sure where to ask. This may not be the right place, and if it's not, maybe you could point me in a direction? That would be great. Everyone asks how to avoid stereotyping lgbtq+ people, but...how do I avoid stereotyping homophobes and the like?

...make them rounded, complete characters with more than one thing in their life.

Anonymous said:

I have a villainous character who is a combination/amalgamation of various people of different genders/sexualities, and they don't have a gender. I'm planning to refer to the character with they/them pronouns, and it just doesn't feel right to give them a gender. But since they're a bad guy, would it be... what's the word... transphobic (I guess? you know what i mean) to portray them as agender? I have other agender characters, if that makes a difference. (It's fantasy btw)

Having other agender characters -- well-represented -- solves the issue for you just fine. Also, make the villain interesting. I love a good villain. 

Anonymous said:

Will the mod/s be monitoring the comments at all? I've seen quite a few hateful replies and reblogs toward nonbinary and demisexual people. I would love to keep following, but it sucks having to be subjected to people invalidating my gender and sexuality in the comments.

There is nothing we can do about comments. "Never read the comments" is often a good idea. Alternately, block the blogs that are evil, and you'll soon find it was the same few all along. Anything really terrible, let us know so we can block them ourselves, and let our readers know.

That was a lot of work. I know it doesn’t look like much, but it took me a few hours and I’m wiped. Some kinds of work are more labor than they appear, and this is that kind of labor.

Still and all: love you all! Just not that way. 

~~Mod Scix

[forevrdreamingofbetterthings]

Hello! I'm doing research for a french presentation (I'm doing a speech on the importance of gender-neutral pronouns in french) and I'm having a bit of trouble that I thought you might be able to help with! I've been doing my best to translate gender identities into french (for example, agender as agenre, genderfluid as genre-fluide, etc.) but I'm having trouble with genderqueer. I'm trying to cite a genderfluid person and I was going to just (1/2)

(2/2,thank you!) I was going to just translate the word for queer, but I rememberedthat (per your blog and also a few translation sites) queer is allosexuelle inFrench. Being ace, I want to make sure that there isn't any mix-up, so I waswondering if there's a different word for queer? Or perhaps an entirely newword for genderqueer?? Thank you so much, and I'm really sorry if this bringsup bad discourse memories. I love your blog, and it's so brave to stand up forace ppl the way you do! =)

Hello there Anon! Thank you for saying all those nice thingsabout my blog and work in the Tumblr ace community, it’s been a definite labourof love. Not to mention super stressful and rather painful at times. Sorry it took so long to respond (2 days) as my mom’s been visiting soI haven’t had a chance. I hope my response will still be useful for you!

This project sounds really good, I’d love to seeyour “findings” once it’s done. Anyone that knows French (or anyLatin-based language) knows that it’s incredibly and painfully gendered. Yuck! AndI say this as a half French Canadian woman who, nevertheless, still believes French to be a lovelylanguage.

I have to also tell you that I am not in any way an expert on the wordAllosexual, but I have looked and looked and looked for (and lots of ppl havedirected me to) any and all research on this issue. Unfortunately, I’ve foundvery little. 

From what I can tell, it seems as though the French Canadian term “allosexuelle” (so this isn’t across the board, it’s specifically an FC term) was made up entirelyindependently from the English term “allosexual” and, as we already know,they mean very different things. 

The other thing I’ve heard (so this isn’t a confirmed fact) isthat the FC term was never used as a slur and as such, is non-offensive. I really hopethis is true but I cannot 100% confirm it. Also, I’m not sure but I got this one anon about it that is unclearwhether it’s a troll or sincere:

like don't answer this but my native language is french so everytime someone uses allosexual they're literally calling me a queer so itactually does harm people lol

In respect for the request not to answer the question I neverdid publish it until now. (Since I’m technically not answering it I feel this isprobably an acceptable use of the anon.)

I suspect this is an aphobic troll though since it onlysays “French” not “French Canadian”, they provided no evidence to support their claim, and it was submitted it on anon instead of standing by their message. Still, this messagecould easily be completely legit and I am still completely open to hearing moreabout it (and I will absolutely change my mind on the subject if given solid evidence).Actually, I’m MORE than open: I’m full-on asking for people to step up with any and all info if they have on this bc it’s important.

That said, I would like to point out that here in Montreal whereI live and where the term allosexuelle is apparently used (I’ve NEVER heard itused though, btw), the q word is used EVERYWHERE as a stand in term for LGBT+.It’s THE term that is used, even at my university. The LGBT+ stuff is alllumped under the q identity and not a single person seems to have an issue withit. So that alone makes me suspect that allosexuelle in FC is indeed anon-offensive term used simply as an LGBT+ umbrella. Still, I could easily be wrong...

Does anyone else have any input on this? I would really love itif you would share it with us!

[thesaviorofmisbehavior]

@neonbaebae Newsflash: the queer community is the community of people who identify with queer. If someone doesn’t identify as queer, they’re not included in that statement.

And it’s not like “the gay community” or “the lgbt community” are inclusive statements either. Plenty of people are uncomfortable with the “gay community” because that’s the slur they had used against them when they were bullied. Plenty of people have spoken about this. Nobody is walking around saying “omg don’t say g*y it’s a slur sweety you might trigger someone.” (Btw I’m included in the group of people uncomfortable with “gay” as an umbrella term, because of bullying and a variety of other reasons.) The acronym isn’t great either. I mean it takes about two seconds to find a post where someone is getting screamed at because they included “too many” letters that “don’t actually belong” or whatever bullshit, or because the letters were in the wrong order, or what have you. And at the end of the day “lgbt” is NOT ENOUGH. It’s wildly unrepresentative of a LARGE portion of the community. I won’t call it the gay community because “gay” was used to bully, harass and exclude both me and my partner by straight people AND other people with marginalized sexual and gender identities. And I refuse to actively exclude anyone by using an acronym that’s not representative of the community. So tell me why I should just accept terms for a community that make me uncomfortable, but anti queer folks shouldn’t.

Also, you just sound deliberately obtuse when you say “that’s how anybody could have interpreted it.” I specifically said “people who identify with” I said nothing about the community as a whole. And nobody is walking around saying “the dyke community” of “the fag community.” That’s not what the discourse is about. This post is CLEARLY about personal identities, you just saw “queer” and got mad because someone is using a word for themself that you don’t like.

Last, I find it REALLY interesting that you got on my case about using queer without addressing the fact that the whole rhetoric comes for terf/radfem/exclusionary rhetoric. Makes it seem like your ok with the group of people who perpetuate intracommunity harassment and aggression, but not the part of the community that just wants to be LEFT THE FUCK ALONE ABOUT A WORD THEY USE TO PERSONALLY IDENTIFY THEMSELSVES.

I actually hate people who will openly identify with/use a slur (dyke, fag, etc) and then get on their high horse about “queer”

Like stfu that shit is straight out of terf, radfem, truscum and exclusionist rhetoric. It’s all about shunning people who don’t fit neatly into some box YOU decided on, and the resurgence of this discourse (which is almost nonexistent in offline queer spaces) springs out of a movement started by radfems ages ago, and it puts the power of an ugly word back into the hands of our oppressors.

If you think you have the right to reclaim a messy, complicated word without people censoring you, DONT YOU DARE COME DOWN ON SOMEONE ELSE FOR THE SAME THING