#it wasn’t talking about ‘disabled people’ vs ‘people with disabilities’ it was talking about not saying ‘the disabled’

[terriblelizbians]

hyperfocus on language and using the “correct” phrasing/words is not great and can often be harmful to activist causes yeah yeah but like. i don’t love when that swings to the other direction of like, mocking people for being uncomfortable with certain terms

[runerapier]

With FS 2 finally out I wanted to share some of my thoughts, I think it would be fun to talk about the possible mental state Angeal is in around this time in his life and subsequently how it reflects Sephiroth, as well as the meaning behind Angeal's dream sequence.

Since a lot of the details of Angeal’s backstory are hidden in external material, I’m going to use it as a point of reference. Crisis Core has a lot of content they were not able to include at the time of it’s release, so it will be fun to see if they follow up on these things they wrote about but couldn’t include in game.

We already see from the get go that Angeal is serving as a contrast to Sephiroth’s outlook, demeanor, and manners. Angeal’s energy and passion he has for teamwork, his comrades, and genuine care he has for doing his job all directly contrast Sephiroth’s whatever attitude. Even small acts of chivalry are made to highlight this, showing Angeal going the extra mile to help Alissa across the bridge vs Sephiroth’s refusal to engage with anyone socially. Sephiroth was brought up to function independently, made to be a one man army, no use for friends, families, or allies. Especially with the recent loss of friends, he is going to be distant.

This is extremely important for contrast with Angeal, who has likely recently left home and is missing his family, not to mention he is someone he deeply values his connection to others. There is no set age for when Angeal left home, but it is likely within the last 2~ years. His sword in game is listed as type 90, this is comparable to Zack’s sword in CC which is type 99, the type number likely reflects the year the sword was created or the year of when that model was created. Assuming that it's updated every year, leans towards the fact they've been in SOLDIER since at least that year. Meaning Angeal likely left home at 14~, which is closer to around the age Zack and Cloud left home for SOLDIER anyways.

Angeal is someone very sentimental, he is very defensive of his home and his family. CC showed us he was quite nostalgic about Banora on several occasions. This is another contrast to Sephiroth, who doesn't have a hometown or a family. According to the CC ultimania, Genesis was one of the motivators for Angeal to leave and find a better way of living. The new chapter confirmed Angeal left home because he wanted to help pull his family out of poverty. In CC, Angeal's father was said to fall sick from overwork to pay off debt from the buster sword; however, the ultimania mentions an important detail: his father has always been weak and sickly. It’s partly due to his father being chronically ill/disabled that they aren’t able to make a lot of money. The buster sword isn’t the sole cause of his death but rather an extension of working in a system that likely exploits disabled people. Genesis might have been the push Angeal needed to leave far away from home rather than staying and trying to take care of his sick father.

Which gets us to Angeal’s dream, there is debate on how much of it is real because Sephiroth’s wasn’t real. In my personal opinion, the dream being real is a very important contrast to Sephiroth. We know that whatever Alissa is, she is preying on the desires of them. Especially in the case of her being Jenova, who uses memories of her victims to her advantage. Angeal doesn’t need to make up a scenario of his family loving him or being proud of him, because it’s already a reality, Sephiroth doesn’t have this luxury. Angeal's father pushed himself to the brink just so he could support his son in his endeavor, there is no doubt his family loved and supported him. So, what is Angeal's actual desire then? In CC it is never really specified when Angeal's father died, but in Gillian’s profile in the ultimania, it mentions his father died shortly after Angeal left for SOLDIER, even the dream is hinting towards something bad happening on the horizon. Angeal's dad is probably already dead and it is mirroring Sephiroth wanting to see his mother. Possibly reinforced by the fact he is already refusing to use the buster, while it's not confirmed if he didn’t use it all because of his cheapness, I think his father's death added significant value to the sword, making it irreplaceable. They are two kids who just want to be with their parents again, one's desire being entirely fictional and the other's being in the past. It is another contrast between them with their dreams: Sephiroth's being all he lacks, and Angeal's is all he had, but left behind. Both unattainable but in a different sense.

This dream is likely some of the last stability Angeal had before leaving home, along with possibly being one of the last times he saw his father alive which is probably why he is yearning for it. I think if the dream itself symbolized only wanting stability Angeal wouldn’t mention leaving for SOLDIER, I don’t think he wanted to leave home to provide for his family if given the choice. Instead "Jenova" is preying on something that is tangible. However, there is still a possibility it is exaggerated a bit with Angeal having the money for donations and plenty of food. I don't think this is true either, the dream implies Angeal was already working at this age to support his family, so it’s not entirely out of the question he uses what little he has to give back or that he helped with saving for Gillian's birthday party. In contrast nothing in Sephiroth's dream was real besides the fact he lives in the Shinra building, we know Angeal has loving parents, we know he is a hard worker, we know he left for soldier, and we know he loves his village and his family, more was real than just the setting. Also, I think there's a point that this is a special occasion, they could've opted to save up for her birthday. It really didn’t feel too wild to me that one day in particular they had extra food, especially considering they live in a farm village. When and the exact reason why Angeal stole when he was younger is honestly not clarified at all. He could have been afraid of asking for extra food, it could have been during droughts, or even when his father was too sick to work. It is very common for poor families in remote villages to grow their own crops, we even see people in Gongaga growing their own supply, so these things are not really out of the question. I think if any of these details were fake Angeal would be confused or surprised by having these things like how Sephiroth did to make it clear to us as the viewer, but that didn’t happen. The dream closes with remarking his desire to provide for his family so they live happy and healthy… and we know that didn’t happen, which is the point. I think it's also worth mentioning there are some small discrepancies in the localization. He isn't just giving out expensive equipment to multiple people individually, instead, it's a donation that is meant to be shared by everyone. Angeal is building community with farmers who might also be struggling, and I feel like this is an important detail that's missing.

(small disclaimer: I'm not fluent, I only know basics, but I did my best to break down the sentences to make sure these were accurate)

I think it’s clear Angeal isn’t yearning to be rich (or someone else that’s not even relevant in the current narrative… especially when their focus currently is to compare and contrast him with Sephiroth). If Angeal wanted to be rich or famous why isn't he chatting up the PR guy to hope it gets him more attention to the point of promotion? Instead Angeal cares about doing his job and making sure it’s done right, he even gets angry at Bachman and tells him his priority is the rescue mission. Angeal cares deeply about protecting and caring for the people around him, especially those important to him. The dream is only reinforcing this. They even made his gameplay reflect his narrative by being the one to provoke and tank damage for his team, which shows how he views his role as a leader. I want to preface this with there being nothing wrong if the dream ends up being exaggerated, I think regardless it is a good insight on Angeal's character. He loves his family and friends, he wants to support them and make them happy. It shows how they were a positive influence on his life and how they affected his motivations. I think narratively speaking though, Angeal having something that is at very least somewhat more real is another important contrast with Sephiroth, especially when a point of contention between them is how they grew up in different worlds. I think the turmoil of Angeal’s father being most likely dead is going to carry a lot of weight for this story and is meant to parallel Sephiroth's desires for wanting family, it possibly being how they find common ground. While Angeal did grow up in a loving household, he is going through a lot right now with his father's passing. The focus on the Buster sword is incredibly important since it is going to represent why Angeal fights. To protect and to care for what he couldn’t back home, for what his father wanted for him. A dream of a better future and to not lose sight of his morals.

In my personal opinion, it makes a lot of sense that Genesis might not be joining for this section of the story. It's shining a light on some of two most iconic swords in gaming history, and how Angeal’s outlook related to his struggles is going to shape Sephiroth. Angeal’s character and his trauma shape the foundation of the Buster sword and future wielders, and it shaping the Masamune too will be an extension of that. He is the heart of SOLDIER, and I am excited to see this story continue to reinforce that.

[piniatafullofblood]

disclaimer: these are just my raw feelings and immediate reaction because I’m feeling really hurt and sad about this and I can’t talk to anyone irl about it. this is a vent post, not me genuinely trying to psychoanalyze this ending in good faith.

mha 430 leak spoilers and the uncut unfiltered feelings of a physically disabled teenager about it

oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god okay.

so I’m fifteen, right. I’ve been caring about this show for 1/3rd of my life. I’ve been caring about these characters sometimes more than I care about irl people for. 1/3rd of my life.

and I’m physically disabled. I’ve been physically disabled my entire life, it wasn’t like an accident or anything. (minorly, but it’s obvious when you look at me and I was raised in military/christian spaces during childhood so it ended up affecting me a lot.) and I’ve always seen quirklessness as an allegory for disability. that’s always been what it meant to me.

and from the beginning I was ready for it to be about conformism, right? like if you only conform and work hard enough and bend over backwards to meet the expectations of society you can succeed. that’s what I’ve known that this show was about ever since the training montage in episode one. I had made myself content with the fact that the narrative is sort of pro system, pro police, pro stfu and cope. and the first time I watched it, I recognized the ‘greatest hero’ vs ‘number one hero’ line in episode one. I knew that that would probably be how it ended. but I really, really, wasn’t prepared for this.

he.. failed.

his stint with a quirk, in the limelight, was for a year and a half while he was in highschool. he never got to be a hero. he’ll spend the rest of his life thinking about ‘that time when I got so fucking close’. people will stop remembering him for the sports festival and by the time he’s a teacher he’ll have to show them old clips from it to explain why he’s teaching at a hero school.

and he did it all perfectly. he did it all perfectly. as soon as he was given a chance he trained hard and fought harder, and put in all the work to become a great hero. he analyzed and trained and thought and worked and he did everything right.

and then in the end he wasn’t able to keep it.

I was ready for the ending to be about conformism. I wasn’t ready for ‘you will never be fucking good enough, and if you weren’t born with an advantage, you won’t suceeed.’

although, maybe I should’ve been, with the ‘all men are not created equal’ talk in the beginning. I wasn’t ready for him to fail. out of all the anime’s I’ve watched, Izuku midoriya was the protagonist that deserved to win the most. he deserved to be happy. he did everything right. this is all he ever wanted out of his life.

and now he becomes a teacher, and has to watch from the sidelines as Bakugo succeeds without him. which is never what anyone wanted, much less Bakugo. we’re back at the beginning, back where we started. Katsuki succeeding and being great and Izuku watching from the sidelines and cheering him on. and maybe it’s much less contentious now, and maybe they will both know that Izuku is more of a hero, but that doesn’t fucking matter. from someone who had the consolation prize of moral dignity their entire life- it really, really, doesn’t change anything. it doesn’t matter. that doesn’t change the reality that he’ll spend his days watching all their fights on TV and he hasn’t seen the rest of the class for eight fucking years. I know that there are alternative ways to see the ending. I know this is probably not the intention horikoshi had with this ending. but this is how it impacted me and I’m not gonna stop saying it. once a fucking cripple always a fucking cripple, or whatever.

I always knew it would probably have an unsatisfying ending. that it might hurt me. that the cultural differences would probably only lead to my over sensitive ass being hurt and sad. but I wasn’t ready. he deserved better. izuku deserved better.

[fantastic-nonsense]

What are five of your favourite Grishaverse quotes? Send this ask to 5 of your favourite grishaverse blogs!

Thank you so much for sending this, and sorry it took me such a long time to get to it 😭

Choosing was super hard because there are so many insanely good quotes in the books and I love several of them for very different reasons, but I'll try and give it a go anyways. So: five of my favorite Six of Crows quotes (because I still haven't read the SaB trilogy), in no particular order:

Kaz and Inej, on getting back up after a fall:

Get it together, Brekker, he scolded himself harshly. It didn’t help. He was going to faint again, and this would all be over. Inej had once offered to teach him how to fall. “The trick is not getting knocked down,” he’d told her with a laugh. “No, Kaz,” she’d said, “the trick is in getting back up.” More Suli platitudes, but somehow even the memory of her voice helped. He was better than this. He had to be. Not just for Jordie, but for his crew. He’d brought these people here. He’d brought Inej here. It was his job to bring them out again. The trick is in getting back up. He kept her voice in his head, repeating those words, again and again, as he stripped off his boots, his clothes, and finally his gloves. -Ch. 22, Six of Crows

Matthias asking for mercy for monsters/the "we are all someone's monster" observation:

“Nina,” he said, hand still pressed over the smooth skin on his chest where a bullet wound should be. “Nina, please.” “You know they would not offer you mercy, Matthias.” “I know. I know. But let them live in shame instead.” She hesitated. “Nina, you taught me to be something better. They could be taught, too.” Nina shifted her gaze to his. Her eyes were ferocious, the deep green of forests; the pupils, dark wells. The air around her seemed to shimmer with power, as if she was alight with some secret flame. “They fear you as I once feared you,” he said. “As you once feared me. We are all someone’s monster, Nina.” -Ch. 41, Six of Crows

Wylan and Kaz's entire conversation about disability and vulnerability while cracking Van Eck's safe:

He thumbed quickly through the ledger and said, “When people see a cripple walking down the street, leaning on his cane, what do they feel?” Wylan looked away. People always did when Kaz talked about his limp, as if he didn’t know what he was or how the world saw him. “They feel pity. Now, what do they think when they see me coming?” Wylan’s mouth quirked up at the corner. “They think they’d better cross the street.” Kaz tossed the ledger back in the safe. “You’re not weak because you can’t read. You’re weak because you’re afraid of people seeing your weakness. You’re letting shame decide who you are. Help me with the painting.” They lifted the portrait back into place over the gaping hole in the safe. Martin Van Eck glared down at them. “Think on it, Wylan,” Kaz said as he straightened the frame. “It’s shame that lines my pockets, shame that keeps the Barrel teeming with fools ready to put on a mask just so they can have what they want with no one the wiser for it. We can endure all kinds of pain. It’s shame that eats men whole.” -Ch. 18, Crooked Kingdom

Inej vs. Dunyasha on the Church of Barter rooftop, refusing to be cowed on her own turf:

“The blood you spill is the blood of kings,” seethed Dunyasha. “You are not fit for such a gift.” Inej almost felt sorry for her. Dunyasha really believed she was the Lantsov heir, and maybe she was. But wasn’t that what every girl dreamed? That she’d wake and find herself a princess? Or blessed with magical powers and a grand destiny? Maybe there were people who lived those lives. Maybe this girl was one of them. But what about the rest of us? What about the nobodies and the nothings, the invisible girls? We learn to hold our heads as if we wear crowns. We learn to wring magic from the ordinary. That was how you survived when you weren’t chosen, when there was no royal blood in your veins. When the world owed you nothing, you demanded something of it anyway. Inej raised a brow and slowly wiped the blood of kings on her trousers. -Ch. 35, Crooked Kingdom

And Inej at the harbor...hopeful, in love, and ready to take on the world with her boy and her ship:

Had she really thought the world didn’t change? She was a fool. The world was made of miracles, unexpected earthquakes, storms that came from nowhere and might reshape a continent. The boy beside her. The future before her. Anything was possible. -Ch. 44, Crooked Kingdom

[egberts]

Losing my mind over how many people are continuing to miss the point of the shower post. It is a rich people thing in locations where water is expensive and showers are hard to come by… it is a rich people thing when you don’t have the money to get help for disabling conditions that affect regular hygiene… Even if it wasn’t a rich people thing it is literally fine to shower every other day or whenever available to you or whatever the hell, and it’s always going to be extremely shitty to get all snooty about pristine shower habits. Sorry for putting this in your askbox I’m just. Oh my god.

no you're literally right. this is it 100% this this this. this is the point i was making and instead everyone turned it into a normal shower vs not showering debate like unless you make over 400k a year I wasn't talking to you

[a-polite-melody]

I’m actually really glad more people are starting to get up in arms about how the rifts between the mentally disabled and physically disabled communities are getting hurtful.

Like. Over half a year ago I remember the stuff with cripplepunk getting heated and people saying some nasty stuff. And then creating reasons why what they were saying was perfectly fine when… actually it wasn’t.

For example: I saw a lot of people using the phrase ‘abled nd’. When called on that, and even had it pointed out to them that abled is the opposite of disabled, they would turn it into a personal semantics thing. “People are allowed to think of themselves as nd and abled, what the fuck are you talking about?” Except that’s not what was being said.

The label ‘abled nd’ was being put onto large swathes of people by people who do not consider themselves part of that category. THAT was the issue there, not people referring to themselves as abled nd or even mistakenly calling their community that if that how they personally identified. It was people on the outside using this label to talk about those who are PHYSICALLY abled and nd, but just felt fine leaving off that physically part and calling all nd people without physical disabilities ‘abled’.

That’s even leaving off all of the nonesense around what ‘actually counts’ to these people as physical disabilities, because I consider myself disabled both mentally and physically, and so this whole cripplepunk discourse should have left me with the ability to choose for myself whether or not to call myself crippled. But because I was vocally on the side of not gatekeeping the word crippled from physically abled NDs because of phrases like “mentally crippled” still being used medically and legally TO THIS DAY, people denied that I should have that choice. Obviously I wasn’t physically disabled if I thought that the ‘abled NDs’ should be able to call themselves crippled.

And fuck, this post is getting long and rambly, but I don’t care, I’m going to keep going because this shit was upsetting and I want to talk about it.

Even when I was less vocally in one camp or the other the lengths to which the goalposts were moved in terms of who could call themselves crippled was fucking absurd. I went through in a post how every time I saw another statement about it, I would have to change whether I could consider myself crippled or not. Literally every other statement I was seeing would disqualify me, and then qualify me again, then disqualify me…

Not that it really matters if people think I’m allowed to call myself crippled or not. That’s not really the point. The point is the goalpost moving. How these people’s standards would keep changing to some other thing that arbitrarily gatekept even other physically disabled people out. And you could tell how much this was affecting their followers, because these blogs would turn into hubs of anons asking if their disabilities were ‘enough’. Whether the word cripple and the cripplepunk community was for them too. And most of the time they would get affirming answers, but I could go back on that blog and find something they said that would have been disqualifying for that anon. And yet these people didn’t understand why they were being treated as arbiters of who belonged by anons; as if they weren’t literally posting about the things that you should be required to be to call yourself crippled.

Anyway, where I fell in all of this: I think, because of the nature of how the word cripple has been applied medically and legally to people with both mental and physical disabilities (even if one of those does have a longer history with the word, there is application to both groups), gatekeeping the word cripple to only the physically disabled is kinda bullshit. And that’s compounded by just how difficult it can be to separate out physical vs mental disability in the first place. What counts as what? For some things you can maybe try to sort them, but when you have something that affects the mind to also create physical differences, you really can’t sort that into one or the other.

However, people close to the individual who coined the term ‘cripplepunk’ are adamant that they had coined it specifically for the physically disabled because they wanted a space where people with mental disabilities wouldn’t speak over them. And while I get it, that has created a space that is hostile to people with mental disability if they ever talk about it, even if they are sufficiently physically disabled enough to be included by the original coiner’s wishes. The fact that the original coiner has since passed makes this a minefield to try to reconsider, though. People want to remain true to the wishes of the person who coined it. And I do think that respecting the coiner and the people close to them is something we should do. And so I personally don’t consider myself to be cripplepunk, because it is a community that, as it was made, is not going to be anything but hostile to me and/or others like me if it remains this restrictive. And I’ve made peace with that.

But, of course, it’s not that easy. People who have been active in cripplepunk for a long time were basically being told that they were being cripplepunk advocates in the wrong way for being too inclusive of people who aren’t physically disabled. And that was getting extremely nasty, to the point that this was grounds for saying they “aren’t a real cripple” regardless of their physical disabilities. Saying that inviting people who are physically abled to participate in cripplepunk discussions and events was “spitting on the grave of the person who coined it,” while actively hurting other physically disabled people and gatekeeping them from a movement that did explicitly include them just because they had a different view than the coiner. I don’t know any other community built around a word where the coined has so much sway as to keep a community from ever making changes, and obviously these changes had been happening in the broader scope of how the word was used.

And in terms of recognition, being able to continue to use the word cripplepunk for their communities is probably something pretty big. It’s part of how people found these communities. And so just discarding the word, even for a word that better encompasses their goals based on what the coiners intended, would be a lot harder than me just personally choosing not to call myself part of a community I hadn’t really put much thought into before the discourse. Language is useful to keep using because of its recognition.

Basically, I guess this whole rambly post is me trying to get out my thoughts about this whole thing and say “this is very complicated because of deep psychological wounds and active community use of the term and none of this will be resolved by hurting each other, so why is that still where people are putting their time.” This discussion will continue to go nowhere and continue to hurt everyone involved until we can work past the trauma and emotion. Which I know is a lot, and not something you can rush. So it’s complicated. I guess.

I don’t really know how to end this post lol

[queer-starwars-bracket]

Queer Star Wars Characters (Round 1): Well Known Characters Match 12

Orka | Identity: mlm | Media: Star Wars Resistance

Ork and his romantic partner Flix ran the Office of Acquisitions on the Colossus, bringing them into frequent contact with the shenanigans of Kazuda Xiono when he purchases parts for his employer. They are part of the wider ensemble cast of the show, forming the loose found family you often get in cartoons set in small towns. Compared to his partner, Orka is the more brash and aggressive of the pair. 

In Resistance’s short run, there was no Orka-centric episode. However in Flix’s backstory episode, Flix’s family is shown to be supportive of their relationship, even if they aren’t supportive of Flix leaving the family business and fuel refinery.

If you don’t count Kallus and Zeb, Flix and Orka are the first queer characters in a Star Wars TV show. In fact, if it wasn’t for outside clarification, they have the same level of textual support, which played a large part in the decision to include Kallus and Zeb.

Vi Moradi | Identity: aro/ace | Media: Galaxy’s Edge

Vi Moradi is the first and so far only character who originated in Star Wars publishing to appear in the Disney parks. A Resistance spy, she was created for the novel Phasma. Leia Organa tasked her with uncovering the backstories of prominent First Order members. Her interrogation by the First Order stormtrooper trainer Cardinal serves as the frame narrative for the novel. It ends with Cardinal realizing that the values he thought he was serving with the First Order was false and the cruelty of Phasma is its true face. He helps his former captive escape, being injured on the way.

While Deliah S. Dawson was writing Vi Moradi, the imagineers decided to use her as a character in Galaxy’s Edge. Thus she came back for the novel Galaxy’s Edge Blackspire where she and Cardinal are forced to work together to create a Resistance base on Batuu, cut off from any wider support. The novel is a rare accurate depiction of the PTSD and disability that comes from torture. It also established VI as the first aro/ace character in Star Wars. 

Vi is both a very skilled spy and organizer, good at bringing out the strength of people around her. She is a walk-around character in the park, acting out the same storyline about Kylo Ren arriving on Batuu every day, improvising based on guest interaction. Getting to talk to her was my favorite moments of my visits to Galaxy’s Edge. 

[tabby-shieldmaiden]

I’ve decided that I would like to try and write Shonen with Women. Like that one popular tumblr post talking about it. There’s a handful of close-enough cases. But there’s not tons and tons such that you can have something for everyone. I would like to try and write something like that.

And I have decided on a list of things which I should try to engage with, so that I can get somewhere within the vicinity of ‘Shonen with Women’.

The first thing is, obviously, Shonen animanga. I want to try and engage with some of the ones which have like. Female leads. Notably big casts of women. At least 60/40 ratios. I’ve watched Soul Eater and JoJo part 6, and I may rewatch or reread them. I’ve watched Chainsaw Man, and I think I really should read it. I should look at some of the other big names too. I think I’ll get to TTGL and Demon Slayer both for social reasons (friends who like it and who I can talk to about), and because they are short in comparison to some shonen. But some of the longer stuff does interest me. In particular, I have an interest in Naruto, both because to some people, it does seem to symbolise some platonic ideal of ‘Shonen animanga’, and because it is notoriously known for poorly handling its female characters. I think it would be interesting to try and play around with it, therefore.

The second thing is just. Miscellaneous other works which fall under ‘boy-targeted action-adventure story with sff elements’. Which is what most people mean when they talk about capital S Shonen. Like, ‘shonen’ is a demographic, but capital S Shonen is a genre. Most of these works which aren’t animanga are Western works, in particular North American works. This is partially for social reasons, because I have friends who I can talk to about superhero cartoons and miscellaneous other ‘boy’ targeted media. But it is also because I think it will be interesting to compare and contrast and see in what ways things differ, and what ways they stay the same.

The third thing on my list are magical girl media. This is for interest reasons and social reasons. Also, it’ll be interesting to compare and contrast. The escapist heroism fantasy for boys vs the escapist heroism fantasy for girls. What ways are they the same? What ways are they different?

The fourth is like, fringe cases. Things people hold up as ‘Shonen with Women’ already which aren’t quite neatly magical girl. RWBY (which I have previously watched) and Worm (which I have not read) fall under here. But if there’s any more things which are like this, I will keep a lookout. RWBY wasn’t really for me, but I do want to rewatch it all at least once so that I can stew on it and what it does a little more. 

It’ll also be good for me to look at some other SFF works too, since so much of this sort of media has very obvious fantasy and science fiction elements to them. I still won’t read Lord of the Rings though, simply because too many people said that I had to read Lord of the Rings. I couldn’t even sit through the movies. My Mom was watching The Two Towers in cinemas and I think she had to leave midway because I decided it was time for me to be born*. If I ever had a natural disposition, it may just be disinterest in the goings-on of Middle Earth.

The sixth thing is like. I would like to know more about leftism. Economics, certainly, but also. Feminism and queer rights, postcolonialism, disability theory, and all sorts of other readings. This is for personal reasons, to become a better activist. But also, I feel like I will have to be prepared to think about what I see. I need tools to be able to look at the media and dissect it, and see what wasn’t working there, and how I can take things and put them in my own work and make them more informed. If I were to write Shonen with Women, I will have to put some work into it to really make it stand out. I think a part of that will be grappling with all the uncheck assumptions that tend to be put into this sort of escapist media, and seeing if we can escape to better places.

Especially since so many works in my chosen genre are written by white or Japanese men, and I do want to write more obviously Southeast Asian fiction (in the sense of writing informed by the region’s history and culture). I think I will read postcolonial writings and feminist writings and Southeast Asian history and mix it with thoughts on all these other stories. I’ll start small. Learn about my country first. Then the direct neighbours. Learn about the whole region. Then on to South Asia and China and other Pacific Islanders and any other peoples who have had shared histories with the region. And I will keep learning more and more and keep jumping down rabbit holes. This is for my own curiosity, to understand where I am, and how to move forward. And hopefully, because these things are on my mind, they will mix with my animanga and action cartoon thoughts, and it will blossom into something worth writing about.

And of course, I will need to go get more life experiences. Learn more things about the world. Engage with non-fiction. Do things which aren’t fiction related. This is also an important part of being a good writer period. It’s not all about media consumption. It’s learning facts about science and going out with family and friends and learning new things, and having all those experiences fuel my writing.

So yeah. I guess that’s it. My list of things I will try and engage with in order to try and write Shonen with Women. My current WIP isn’t quite it. My next WIP idea may be closer. I don’t have a third long-form one yet. But who knows. Maybe after engaging with all these things, I will find something that I can say, while also saying it by writing women battle each other in dramatic, magical and/or scifi-ish fights. 

*Either that, or it was before or after the movie. They were not very clear telling the story.

[cl0udpup]

Autism and developmental delays

I asked a question on Autistic Twitter yesterday, and got a ton of response. I will share my post and some responses here.

The post

Is it possible to be autistic if you didn’t have learning, speaking, or movement delays as a child?

The responses

“It is possible. Processing differences leaning towards monotropism is a core component though that type of processing doesn’t always show up as delays. Most Autistics I know do have “spiky profiles” where we have some major strengths but some foundational skills are low.

I was a late reader but had a hyperlexic vocabulary. I was in reading and math special ed. I didn’t read at all. Then one night my mom was in the middle of reading a book to me and lost her voice. I picked it up and just started reading. 0-60.”

“Definitely! I didn't have those problems & whilst I wasn't diagnosed until 55, in hindsight it was obvious from early childhood. The DSM diagnostic criteria badly need updating & too many alleged professionals still rely on stereotypes like "All Autistics have X & can't do Y".”

“The ways I am "advanced" showed up earlier than the ways I am "behind" average development. Probably in part because the "bad effects" of autism are cumulative little abuses, so I had less to battle against just to exist back then.

It seems like a lot of autistics become aware of it/first start feeling a major increase in disconnect when other kids start growing out of 'kid' behaviors and start looking at the autistics weird for just...continuing on the same path that had been fine before.”

“You can be hyperlexic or dyslexic, have a good command of words+expression, but the difference (from my understanding) is: lack of sense-perception filtering, monotropism and social codes. Anything else stems from these in variations and intensities add personality.”

“Delays are more commonly signs of intellectual disability which is often comorbid, but you don't "need" them to be autistic.”

“I don't think of delayed vs nondelayed development as a central or essential part of how DSM5 approaches autism.  Language and communication differences include pragmatics which often flies under the clinical radar.”

“Yes, I had no apparent delays as a child. I spoke early, am hyperlexic so my reading ability was beyond my classmates, academically I was quick.  I did struggle with pretend play but no one noticed. My eye contact was poor and I was just seen as shy.

I struggled more in secondary. I took things literally and was rigid about schedules. Most of my issues came out as an adult. I struggled with transition to work, didn't get work place banter. I developed really bad OCD and I burntout at 24. I was diagnosed at 25. A psychiatrist noticed I was autistic.”

My personal context

I was talking and reading early; books at age four, and conversing at 18 months. No issues with crawling, walking, waving hello when I was supposed to. I did toe-walk, but that’s all I remember being pointed out.

Once I got to preschool and kindergarten, I was extremely shy, anxious, but wasn’t marked as having special needs. I was smart, but bored by school.

As I got older, I liked other kids, liked making friends, extremely nice, empathetic, didn’t easily clock bullying. I still struggle w that as I take things at face value, don’t notice if someone’s being mean with sarcasm, passive aggressiveness, or having an ulterior motive.

Even though I liked other kids, I always felt like there was this wall I couldn’t get past. I felt like an outsider, like more like an observer in groups than part of it.

Older people and adults called me mature for my age, or said I seemed depressed, or teased me for being sensitive. I think I was detached, ending up compartmentalizing the “real me” and the one who had to be strong.

I had violent meltdowns as long as I can remember. It felt like everything was spinning, and I was alone, overstimulated, like everything I kept hidden would come to a boiling point and I just burst at the seams. It felt like nothing would ever be okay again.

I’d get punished for these meltdowns (and hit as a toddler.) I eventually started turning my outward chaotic energy inward; SH, dissociation, withdrawing. This made me even “weirder”, but as a teen I guess I tried to embrace it.

I was extremely rebellious, always in trouble, picked on, did not understand authority, could not stand being patronized, felt like an alien, did not understand why I had such huge emotions, or what they meant, or how to reckon w them. And no one would put up w them.

I started using drugs and alcohol at age 13. I barely made it through high school. I planned on dropping out at 16, when it was legal to do so in my state, but managed to stick it out.

I stayed in party scenes up until age ~30. I felt like less of an outsider surrounded by other “weird” kids, especially because we were always intoxicated, so the ND behaviors were masked by, or attributed to, being high/drunk.

I bounced around friend groups, at my school, and random people I met partying, online, or through other friends. I was extremely outgoing, and definitely see now that connecting people was part of sensation seeking for me. I was direct, and had no problem asking random people to hang out.

It was even easier because I always wanted to share my drugs/booze, and found this to be a great method of breaking the ice. Because of that, most of my friendships (all of them once I got into high school) were based around using.

I’m realizing now that I could be very “head in the clouds” when it came to noticing when people found me weird or didn’t want to be around me. I never understood it back then, but would get very hurt when I’d frequently be left out of things. It didn’t end, even through my twenties.

There were all these people I thought I was friends with, but I’d consistently be left out when the groups got together. I wasn’t a part of it. My therapist said this is common for people with ADHD, as inattentiveness, boredom, sensation seeking keeps us moving around and not as easily committing to one group or person or scene to stick with.

I really didn’t understand back then why I’d get left out, and it led me to having bad feelings towards groups that would exclude me. So, I withdrew, and found new friends, and continued bouncing around. I tried to be very “not give a fuck” and keep it moving.

Once I graduated high school, I quickly went into my career (sex work) and totally absorbed myself in that. It felt great to have something that no one else I grew up around was involved in. It was easy for me because sex work is acting! I fucking love acting. I researched the type of character I wanted to portray, studied body language, dialogue, took notes, read books, took online courses, it became my whole life. I have a lot to say about that, but will save it for another post.

One last point on my lack of perception on myself in high school. In my 20s, I ran into a woman I went to school with who was now in the same greater social scene as me. She was intoxicated and blabbing and told me “Yeah, you know, I used to think you were sooo weird, but maybe you actually had things figured out back then.” So, that’s that.

Now that I’m sober, I’m starting to get some real perspective. Now that my real self is not clouded by substances, I feel I’m able to understand myself better, and analyze my life for answers.

Thanks to anyone reading, for accompanying me on this portion of my journey.

[iovealexivs]

If I may, Cerebral is Better Help’s just as evil sponsorship twin. Only it may actually be more dangerous because of their ability to prescribe medication while treating you as a customer, not a patient.

I was drawn in at a time I had no health insurance but their prices rose to the point it wasn’t that affordable anymore. So in that sense I felt taken advantage of when I’m already down, mentally.

The medications wouldn’t work and when I tried to talk to a provider about concerns to my health I was ghosted. I had a therapist ghost me at a time she knew I was struggling and like god imagine how shitty it is when everyone in your life at that point abandons you, even your therapist. The care councilors I worked with (different from their therapists, supposedly, though I felt no difference between either service tbh) tried their best genuinely but they were not equipped to handle more than the most basic of anxiety and the most palatable of depression symptoms. And this sucks, because they advertised treatment options for PTSD and ADHD specifically (which are things that cripple me at times), as well as other conditions like Bipolar Depression and so on.

Not to mention security breaches with their userbase’s medical records. They can send apologize emails all they want and say they won’t do it again but they should have never done that to begin with.

It’s hard for people like me (disabled in whatever way) to actually be taken seriously so to be treated as nothing more than just some source of data or customer rather than a patient is indescribably disgusting.

In general, I am wary of any kind of subscription based, online health service. This sucks, because I am disabled and leaving the house to go to a doctors office isn’t always convenient, if it’s even possible. I’ve had so many experiences soured from the business I just mentioned amongst some others that it just makes me all the more reluctant to get help. If I can encourage people to really consider the select pros vs many cons here I will.

Fundamental life advice: never trust a product from a youtuber/influencer sponsorship

[fadecrow]

This is just a vent if you come in here yelling at me I’m just gonna block you because I’m not gonna tolerate that shit here if you don’t like what I’m saying, just block me, close the page, hide the post, whatever. Constructive criticism is welcome, but you’re not allowed to be harsh. I can’t deal with that shit.

But I wanted to have a textual acknowledgement for memory reasons that in my experience, people like to talk big shit about oppression dynamics and the way they intersect until the point where they intersect in a way that makes them uncomfortable with the implications attached to how they’ve been treating people.

Like as an example, people like to talk about how oppression dynamics can compound the way people experience things. What they don’t like to talk about, and I’m sorry if I word this wrong but I don’t know how to say it in The Correct Way, is how they can make things a little bit fucky when you’re trying to figure out if oppression is even happening. Kind of like how some disabilities conflict but instead of being just disabilities it’s everything. You have a dynamic that is supposed to be oppressed vs oppressor yaaay punching up, BUT because of the way that it is people just get hurt.

For example, sex positivity and open sexuality is very important in order to kill shame, but there are also people who are sex repulsed and don’t wanna hear about fucking. This just kind of ends up with shame being thrown around on both sides of the argument and no one coming to a conclusion about how to accommodate both important things.

Or someone might have a symptom of a disorder that is very uncomfortable for one person to be around for one historical reason or another, but in all honesty, the symptom isn’t actually causing tangible harm. It just reminds someone else of the tangible harm they’ve already been through, and so they decide to take it out on the person who has the symptom. (Like certain disabilities that make you curse in public, etc.) When the person with the symptom tries to defend themselves because the one who is uncomfortable suddenly attacks them, the one who is uncomfortable leverages the idea that you’re not allowed to tell someone whether or not you’re hurting them, completely glossing over the fact that they aren’t in any danger to begin with. And then the person with the symptom in trying to express that they are allowed to exist in public without causing themselves unnecessary stress is now the bad guy. Nobody calls the person who was uncomfortable out and tells them maybe they should take a step back.

And I’m not even going to get into people who say silence is violence and that shows up for people with CPTSD or moral scrupulosity OCD, which might be exacerbated by the idea that if you don’t think and say and do things exactly the right way you are A Problem and Evil.

I have personally been told because I didn’t word things in exactly the right way and the person didn’t like how I existed in their twisted up perception of me I deserve to have my mental health tanked every day. They literally said they hope that my symptoms get worse right to my digital face, no anon. And I wasn’t telling them anything mean in regards to them or their family or political party or anything, I was trying to express something that upset me in my own life where I didn’t know how to deal with it in a space where others were also sharing similar situations. Trying to defend myself at all in that space just got more and more people yelling at me and I had to leave that site. (And no, I’m not going to name the site or exactly what the argument was about because I’m not going to go through all that shit a second time. It took hours for me to come back from it mentally, and I had people threaten to find me. I’m done forever talking about that specific difficulty in detail I’m just not going to do it ever again or seek any help for it.)

It’s really fucked up if people don’t exist the right way it’s acceptable to destroy them by dogpiling them.

I don’t know what this is called like social violence or something? Is it a form of gaslighting or a double bind or am I confused? Any way you slice it, it’s unacceptable in my opinion and I don’t understand why it’s so widely accepted in places that are supposed to be progressive.

It makes many spaces too hostile for me to learn in, and half of the time I just kinda have to absorb information from passive things that come across my feed instead of actually trying to seek out my flaws and learn actively because if I say things incorrectly, I only get attacked. Nobody will say anything in my defense and there is no compassion to be found anywhere anymore the way there was when I was a kid. I don’t want them to treat me like a child, but I want them to hold me to the same amount of value they did before if that makes any sense. It feels like now that people think my mind is sturdier, it means I am also trash that deserves to be chewed up.

[interstellarstorms]

Honestly I want to fucking sue my workplace right now for doing this to me

Backstory: I have been working at Target since March 2019. The last time I had at least a week off work was in December 2019, to attend a residential treatment facility out of state for my mental illness (long story short, they ended up kicking me out for being too mentally ill and I came back to work in January 2020 while finishing outpatient treatment back home). In the last year or so, I’ve been making so much progress at work that they sometimes forget about my needs and disabilities. This is one of those occasions but also like, kind of a worker’s rights issue.

I have worked a week of basically all Drive Up (delivering orders to cars in the parking lot). It has been absolutely freezing, I’m talking mostly subzero temperatures. I’ve spent a large portion of my workday outside. Target has these (probably barely sufficient) reflective jackets they loan out but my store only has like 3 smalls and 3 extra larges and anyway I prefer to use my own coat with a reflective vest because sensory issues and the smell. Until two days ago, I did not own a coat that was warm enough because my mom donated the one I used last year. Target also no longer provides us with hats like they used to, although I was okay on that front. For our hands, we were basically denied the ability to wear anything but fingerless and really thin touchscreen gloves because we have to be able to type in codes on our devices while outside. My hands always are in extreme pain by the time I get back inside, to the point where I probably need to hold them in front of a heater after every venture out, but every time I’m back in, I’m told I’m not going fast enough and I need to deliver more orders ASAP.

We have a single heater, a desktop unit, for the whole department, which can have up to like 10 people at a time. HR “provided hot chocolate to thank Drive Up” by putting a Keurig with some cocoa cups in the break room where other non-Drive Up employees took them all.

Our managers have given us so so so many talks the last few days about how we need to “do better” and be faster. They don’t take the cold into account. Some of them don’t even help us take orders out when we’re swamped. They also tend to make some people designated “runners” (who go outside and deliver, vs. grabbing the orders and prepping them) and that’s my job generally speaking, and while they claim to be trying to divide this job equally, they’re not doing a good job. I spend much more time outside than most. Some people spend so little time outside they don’t even bother to come prepared to go outside at all. And management generally lets them.

What does this mean, you ask?

Exactly. What. You. Think.

After MONTHS of having to delay my much-needed mental health break (God knows I wasn’t getting time off before or during the holidays, my week off is almost here. And I’m sick. Thanks to good old Target. Who made me waste my long-saved PTO. My vacation time. On illness. That they 100% caused in their negligence.

I’ve also missed a couple 15 minute (non-enforced) breaks and taken my (enforced) 30 minute break late if that counts for anything (yes I know it does but I don’t feel like it does).

If you read the whole thing lmk ily ❤️

[im-just-a-random-fandom-girl]

merry christmas!

sorry i’ve not been on much. miss you all dearly. just need to rant right now. sometimes tumblr acts as a journal of sorts, you know?

being in the closet is hard.

my grandpas visited this past week, and my dad’s dad laughed and said that he’s referring to his grandkids by numbers now (ex gc 1, gc 2) because they keep changing their names and he’s “not going to call Andrew, Athena, [he] just won’t!” (I’m referring to my amab cousin, Andrew, with that name but they/them pronouns because I’m not clear on what they go by right now, and I wasn’t even aware that they were reassessing their gender identity. the outing of Andrew when they themselves have not told us is also frustrating, just not what is particularly aggravating to me at the moment)

anyway, i mentioned it today to my family because it’s been on my mind a lot. casually, i said that my grandpa was a little mean over the weekend, and that it’s hard to comprehend how a gay person could be transphobic. and both my parents sort of launched into defending him, about how he wasn’t being transphobic just that he was laughing about all the changes and how andrew has apparently changed their name a few times and gone back and forth. i mentioned that he was apparently mean and unsupportive when my other cousin, ethan, started transitioning (ethan was afab and started socially transitioning at 13 and has recently started medically transitioning at 15). so then my parents began talking all this shit about how he had a reasonable concern given ethan’s age etc etc. (i didn’t mention the fact that my grandpa’s skepticism and rudeness about ethan were pretty ridiculous as he has played a very small role in ethan’s life despite the fact that he’s his grandpa, and hurtful bc the person who is raising him is his ex-wife (my dad’s mom) and a lot of his “concern” just seemed to be a question of my grandma’s judgement and ability to raise ethan. which is AGAIN even more ridiculous given how hard raising ethan has been! he has a plethora of learning disabilities and has been dealing with severe mental health issues (self-harm, suicide attempts) for the last few years, none of which my grandpa can even come close to understanding bc, again, he has played such a small role - I see Ethan MAYBE 3 times a year and that’s STILL more than our grandpa))

anyway, this was all hurtful enough, to have all of these pieces overlooked, but especially when my dad’s final defense of my grandpa was this: “he’s a part of this community and has an insight and perspective that none of us can understand.” listen, i value the fact that my dad sees queer knowledge and experience as something valuable, but that doesn’t mean it can never be questioned and challenged; not every queer person is actually a part of the community. transphobic queer people exist! case in point. anyway, the worst part was just the assumption that all of us at the table are straight. i hurt more than i thought. i want to be myself! shouldn’t it be easy to come out to my family when my grandpa is gay? when i have (potentially) two trans cousins? but the micro aggressions are like slashes in my confidence, and the unsteady attempts at being accepting of queer identities (but not going so far as feeling like we need to be more actively and openly supportive, and certainly being confused and kind of disgusted by those that reject the gender binary) make me feel out of place.

i’m bi. i think it’s a lot easier than coming out as gay, or trans, or gender-fluid/queer etc. to straight, cis people, i’m still “half-straight” and i’m still conforming to gender norms. so i feel dumb for being so scared to come out. my family is more supportive than many out there. im lucky in that regard. but i feel like im already fighting to educate them on so many things (the current issue: cultural appropriation vs cultural appreciation) that i can’t handle trying to teach them how to handle having a queer kid too. i can’t be the guinea pig (more than i already am #oldestchild). so i stay in the closet at home and beg for the semester to start sooner so i can go back to my safe, queer friends at school where i am out.

[tkbrokkoli]

I’d like to add the tags by @palms-upturned (hope that’s ok!). I broke them up into paragraphs so they’re easier to read.

#disco elysium #ren i am jumping in front of you like the silent protector meme #but. yeah. like i don’t doubt harry has done some traumatic shit to jean #he traumatized half of martinaise over the span of just a few days dhgsdjxh #but you can tell A LOT about each character from how they treat harry in the aftermath #sylvie leaving town and refusing to forgive or engage w him? fair #acele reacting to harry hollering at her and then breaking down in tears on the ice with compassion #specifically bc she understands what’s going on with him and has probably been in his shoes before? also fair

#people treat him w varying degrees of patience vs drawing justified boundaries that depends on their circumstances #and ofc specifics of how exactly harry treats them both before and during the events of the game #but you can ALWAYS tell when ableism plays a part bc the game doesn’t shy away from that discussion At All #it’s not even particularly subtle #lena talks openly about martinaise not being wheelchair accessible! noid talks with you about stigma of mental illness! #harry takes morale damage AND PHYSICAL DAMAGE when kim yells ‘’are you fucking insane?!’’

#and jean does not hide the fact that a lot of his disdain for harry comes from the fact that he’s an addict #to the point where you can get shot (potentially TWICE) in the line of duty #which literally breaks your hip!!! #and jean will still say to your face that you don’t deserve a disability pension #and even possibly leave you with a broken hip/leg and a potential infection in a town with no doctors #and the fact that self harm plays a role in harry’s health is a big reason why and it’s a core aspect of this kind of ableism #we see this Every. Day. in our lives and the lives of our siblings #if your disability is Your Fault then well you have to deal with the consequences! it’s not OUR problem #even though A) we wouldn’t actually give you proper care even if that wasn’t the case bc we don’t support disabled lives/QoL in general #B) we have never given any consideration to what kind of circumstances drive a person to that kind of self harm

#obviously harry is not a good man. he’s a violent cop who takes advantage of his position #to take out all his pain on anyone smaller than him #but at the end of the day the goal is not to only care for disabled people who ‘’deserve’’ care #it’s a human right… and it’s one that is constantly denied harry both throughout the game and in the entire story of his life #and the game takes pains to point this out. kurvitz has openly talked abt struggling w addiction himself iirc #this is not a sign that harry somehow earned jean’s disgust. it’s just what people like harry live with every single day

aside from the game never indicating Jean as a carer for Harry (and EDC estimating that they’ve been together for about two years or less)

there’s also just. the way. he talks. about Harry's disabilities. like.

JEAN VICQUEMARE - "For *now*?" He looks at you, then at Trant. "I misphrased my question. It should have been: Is he able to put his clothes on, and use the potty, or do we need to get him on a disability pension?"

+

YOU - "He's wrong. I'm too far gone for work."

JEAN VICQUEMARE - "Agreed, Harry." He nods. "Just don't expect us to get you a disability pension. Cops who actually gave a shit are waiting in line. You're not gonna hog their seat."

…

so yeah I think it’s more than a little shitty that fandom has decided Jean was Harry’s carer, that it excuses how he treats him, or fandom decides that Harry was Jean's abusive rapist. like get real. this is how people who hate addicts and the disabled talk to them. this is every day life for a ton of us.

while Kim was making sure Harry didn’t die of his gunshot wound Jean was telling all his superiors about how unfit for the job he is so they’d give him the authority to evaluate and fire him. he leaves Harry to die of that wound in the bad ending and lies to him that Kim is dying and that it’s his fault.

there’s a lot of discussion on disability and poverty and the reluctance of society to actually take responsibility for them. It’s present when you have to goad the Hardie boys into taking care of The Pigs. It’s there whenever Cuno and C are brought up.

so idk. kind of extremely depressing that fans go out of their way to ignore it so they can woobify Jean and strip him of all his flaws and characterization and in the process demonize Harry as an unforgivable monster

[dovesndecay]

Like, not to be an anarcho-communist on main 

but i’m so tired of hearing liberals talk about how “can’t we just have one day to breathe” literally every single time anyone criticizes B*den or H*rris. Y’all wanted “one day” during the entirety of the election process, then election day, and the days following, and now inauguration, and probably for the next four years 

because it’s so much easier for y’all to ask for more time to enjoy yourselves vs actually acknowledging that Tr*mp was a symptom of a system working exactly as it was designed to and that B*den isn’t going to fix everything for you if you ask him to, pretty please with a cherry on top, and then doing shit beyond pushing people to vote as if that’s the be all end all of activism 

so, no. you can’t have “one day.” you’ve had too many days. and we’ve lost too many people. 

ETA: 

I’m fucking tired of y’all reblogging this post and completely missing the part where I wasn’t talking about mental health days but that when I PERSONALLY talk about issues with the Biden administration, I have consistently been yelled at to let other people rest. 

And like I’ve said NUMEROUS TIMES in the notes that no one reads: this has happened to me a lot. 

if you want to rest, fine. but this post was me venting about people telling me to stop talking because it makes them uncomfortable to think about things. And to all the folks who have speculated on my level of privilege: I’m a disabled QPOC, so kindly fuck off. 

that whole chorus method in one of the reblogs? It’s a great metaphor. But it only works if you let the people holding the note actually hold the note and stop telling them that they need to let you rest and stop making that racket.

ETA: this post is now un-rebloggable. ✌🏼 Have a great day.

[power-chords]

At least once a month I see these self-professed ADHD gurus on social media feeding absolute horseshit to their follower base, which of course uncritically gobbles it up.

Even if ADHD were an endogenous, medically verifiable presence/absence condition – by which I mean as opposed to “psychiatrically verifiable,” which involves reverse engineering diagnoses on the exclusive basis of symptom observation – instead of the wide spectrum of situationally dependent disability that it actually is, an OVERWHELMING percentage of “neurotypical” people in this country would probably fit the bill. Functionally, they would be encountering marked difficulty and distress at school or at work, in their social lives, and they would meet enough diagnostic criteria. Because that's how psychiatric diagnosis works. It's not science-based medicine. It's subjective professional evaluation and box-checking.

There is no such thing as an “ADHD brain.” Variable individual responses to amphetamine dosages do not mean that speed works fundamentally differently on people “with” ADHD vs “without” ADHD. This is pop psychiatry and personal anecdata meets repackaged Twitter phrenology. Attentional deficits and executive dysfunction that are severe enough to reduce quality of life are not bugs proving specific organic disease, they are a widespread feature of modern existence, and an increasingly unavoidable consequence of it. We acknowledge that depression and anxiety do not exist in a vacuum, and are exacerbated (if not occasionally fucking caused) by the miseries and indignities of capitalism. But the way people talk about ADHD on Twitter, you’d think 30% of the American population has sprouted frontal lobe tumors that will show up on a CT scan and also make it difficult to initiate tasks. How about the fact that we're all spending 16 hours a day in front of flat-screen LCD dopamine ray guns???? I’m glad we’ve collectively decided to acknowledge that A Problem exists, and that kids/teens/adults who struggle aren’t just lazy delinquents, but COME THE FUCK ON. I’m not a technophobic luddite, either, but get real.

P.S. for what it’s worth, I was diagnosed as a 13-year-old and prescribed Concerta, which I hated, because I was an Upper East Side White Girl who was not performing to spec at an exclusive evil prep school. (Guess who got these diagnoses, and the associated medications, back in 2001? Guess who got access to Better Grades Through Chemistry?) It wasn’t until the advent of smartphones and social media that shit got so bad I actually relented, and was willing to give twice-daily Adderall a shot. I’m glad I did. With the world we live in now, just about everyone would benefit from a bit of speed.