#i know i use the word contrast a lot but thats the point

[runerapier]

With FS 2 finally out I wanted to share some of my thoughts, I think it would be fun to talk about the possible mental state Angeal is in around this time in his life and subsequently how it reflects Sephiroth, as well as the meaning behind Angeal's dream sequence.

Since a lot of the details of Angeal’s backstory are hidden in external material, I’m going to use it as a point of reference. Crisis Core has a lot of content they were not able to include at the time of it’s release, so it will be fun to see if they follow up on these things they wrote about but couldn’t include in game.

We already see from the get go that Angeal is serving as a contrast to Sephiroth’s outlook, demeanor, and manners. Angeal’s energy and passion he has for teamwork, his comrades, and genuine care he has for doing his job all directly contrast Sephiroth’s whatever attitude. Even small acts of chivalry are made to highlight this, showing Angeal going the extra mile to help Alissa across the bridge vs Sephiroth’s refusal to engage with anyone socially. Sephiroth was brought up to function independently, made to be a one man army, no use for friends, families, or allies. Especially with the recent loss of friends, he is going to be distant.

This is extremely important for contrast with Angeal, who has likely recently left home and is missing his family, not to mention he is someone he deeply values his connection to others. There is no set age for when Angeal left home, but it is likely within the last 2~ years. His sword in game is listed as type 90, this is comparable to Zack’s sword in CC which is type 99, the type number likely reflects the year the sword was created or the year of when that model was created. Assuming that it's updated every year, leans towards the fact they've been in SOLDIER since at least that year. Meaning Angeal likely left home at 14~, which is closer to around the age Zack and Cloud left home for SOLDIER anyways.

Angeal is someone very sentimental, he is very defensive of his home and his family. CC showed us he was quite nostalgic about Banora on several occasions. This is another contrast to Sephiroth, who doesn't have a hometown or a family. According to the CC ultimania, Genesis was one of the motivators for Angeal to leave and find a better way of living. The new chapter confirmed Angeal left home because he wanted to help pull his family out of poverty. In CC, Angeal's father was said to fall sick from overwork to pay off debt from the buster sword; however, the ultimania mentions an important detail: his father has always been weak and sickly. It’s partly due to his father being chronically ill/disabled that they aren’t able to make a lot of money. The buster sword isn’t the sole cause of his death but rather an extension of working in a system that likely exploits disabled people. Genesis might have been the push Angeal needed to leave far away from home rather than staying and trying to take care of his sick father.

Which gets us to Angeal’s dream, there is debate on how much of it is real because Sephiroth’s wasn’t real. In my personal opinion, the dream being real is a very important contrast to Sephiroth. We know that whatever Alissa is, she is preying on the desires of them. Especially in the case of her being Jenova, who uses memories of her victims to her advantage. Angeal doesn’t need to make up a scenario of his family loving him or being proud of him, because it’s already a reality, Sephiroth doesn’t have this luxury. Angeal's father pushed himself to the brink just so he could support his son in his endeavor, there is no doubt his family loved and supported him. So, what is Angeal's actual desire then? In CC it is never really specified when Angeal's father died, but in Gillian’s profile in the ultimania, it mentions his father died shortly after Angeal left for SOLDIER, even the dream is hinting towards something bad happening on the horizon. Angeal's dad is probably already dead and it is mirroring Sephiroth wanting to see his mother. Possibly reinforced by the fact he is already refusing to use the buster, while it's not confirmed if he didn’t use it all because of his cheapness, I think his father's death added significant value to the sword, making it irreplaceable. They are two kids who just want to be with their parents again, one's desire being entirely fictional and the other's being in the past. It is another contrast between them with their dreams: Sephiroth's being all he lacks, and Angeal's is all he had, but left behind. Both unattainable but in a different sense.

This dream is likely some of the last stability Angeal had before leaving home, along with possibly being one of the last times he saw his father alive which is probably why he is yearning for it. I think if the dream itself symbolized only wanting stability Angeal wouldn’t mention leaving for SOLDIER, I don’t think he wanted to leave home to provide for his family if given the choice. Instead "Jenova" is preying on something that is tangible. However, there is still a possibility it is exaggerated a bit with Angeal having the money for donations and plenty of food. I don't think this is true either, the dream implies Angeal was already working at this age to support his family, so it’s not entirely out of the question he uses what little he has to give back or that he helped with saving for Gillian's birthday party. In contrast nothing in Sephiroth's dream was real besides the fact he lives in the Shinra building, we know Angeal has loving parents, we know he is a hard worker, we know he left for soldier, and we know he loves his village and his family, more was real than just the setting. Also, I think there's a point that this is a special occasion, they could've opted to save up for her birthday. It really didn’t feel too wild to me that one day in particular they had extra food, especially considering they live in a farm village. When and the exact reason why Angeal stole when he was younger is honestly not clarified at all. He could have been afraid of asking for extra food, it could have been during droughts, or even when his father was too sick to work. It is very common for poor families in remote villages to grow their own crops, we even see people in Gongaga growing their own supply, so these things are not really out of the question. I think if any of these details were fake Angeal would be confused or surprised by having these things like how Sephiroth did to make it clear to us as the viewer, but that didn’t happen. The dream closes with remarking his desire to provide for his family so they live happy and healthy… and we know that didn’t happen, which is the point. I think it's also worth mentioning there are some small discrepancies in the localization. He isn't just giving out expensive equipment to multiple people individually, instead, it's a donation that is meant to be shared by everyone. Angeal is building community with farmers who might also be struggling, and I feel like this is an important detail that's missing.

(small disclaimer: I'm not fluent, I only know basics, but I did my best to break down the sentences to make sure these were accurate)

I think it’s clear Angeal isn’t yearning to be rich (or someone else that’s not even relevant in the current narrative… especially when their focus currently is to compare and contrast him with Sephiroth). If Angeal wanted to be rich or famous why isn't he chatting up the PR guy to hope it gets him more attention to the point of promotion? Instead Angeal cares about doing his job and making sure it’s done right, he even gets angry at Bachman and tells him his priority is the rescue mission. Angeal cares deeply about protecting and caring for the people around him, especially those important to him. The dream is only reinforcing this. They even made his gameplay reflect his narrative by being the one to provoke and tank damage for his team, which shows how he views his role as a leader. I want to preface this with there being nothing wrong if the dream ends up being exaggerated, I think regardless it is a good insight on Angeal's character. He loves his family and friends, he wants to support them and make them happy. It shows how they were a positive influence on his life and how they affected his motivations. I think narratively speaking though, Angeal having something that is at very least somewhat more real is another important contrast with Sephiroth, especially when a point of contention between them is how they grew up in different worlds. I think the turmoil of Angeal’s father being most likely dead is going to carry a lot of weight for this story and is meant to parallel Sephiroth's desires for wanting family, it possibly being how they find common ground. While Angeal did grow up in a loving household, he is going through a lot right now with his father's passing. The focus on the Buster sword is incredibly important since it is going to represent why Angeal fights. To protect and to care for what he couldn’t back home, for what his father wanted for him. A dream of a better future and to not lose sight of his morals.

In my personal opinion, it makes a lot of sense that Genesis might not be joining for this section of the story. It's shining a light on some of two most iconic swords in gaming history, and how Angeal’s outlook related to his struggles is going to shape Sephiroth. Angeal’s character and his trauma shape the foundation of the Buster sword and future wielders, and it shaping the Masamune too will be an extension of that. He is the heart of SOLDIER, and I am excited to see this story continue to reinforce that.

[jadehaven]

A summary of the thoughts as I slowly realized that #Elrondriel would indeed become a thing in the show:

(for context, ROP was my first introduction to LOTR, so this was my perspective as a viewer with no concept of the lore)

Season 1:

Who is this guy? Is he her friend? More? Oh she touched his face, maybe it’s like, unrequited? Am confused.

Is this how elves flirt? What’s the history here? Oh well, she’s leaving anyway.

*Enter Halbrand* HOT DIGGITY DAWG now THATS what I call a love interest 😏😏😏

*Eating up all the enemies to lovers tropes and swooning over Halbrand*

*Elrond and Galadriel scenes* Me: Nah get this nice guy OUTTA HERE where is HOT HALBRAND? (future me is aghast that I would overlook the literal loml Elrond, Gal and I are the same ig)

Halbrand: *Is Sauron* Me: What!?? Nooo! No no no no no this can’t be happening oh noooo

*Elrond saves Galadriel*

Me: Wait

*Forehead touch, tears, deep breaths*

Me: Waaaiiittt

*Gasps* Omg. Of course, he loves her!! They’re going to fall in love! It’s perfect contrast to the enemies to lovers story— a *slow burn, best friends, it’s always been you* kind of love? Right? RIGHT!? That makes so much sense! I’m 1000% calling it for Season 2.

*Sometime between season 1 and season 2, discovers the heartbreaking truth* LOL what?? She’s his WHAT??! 😭😭😭

*Still holding out hope, clutching my suspicions like they’re my grandmas pearls*

Season 2:

Holy sheet he’s mad. Ofc he’s mad. But he’s her best friend :c?? Pls don’t make me sad like this, you’re supposed to love each other!

“You were my friend!!” Mhm yknow they tend to use this word a lot

That’s… that’s a lot of hand holding there…

omg she put her hand on his CHEST OMGSJHDHFBF

“It was entirely of your choosing, the lost king blah blah” Ok but this is literally him saying he knows her type?

Hollldd up, I see what’s happening. Tension. There’s negative tension. I’ll bet if they stick to the trope, there’ll be a *moment* between them at the end that breaks the tension. There has to be.

*Galadriel gets caught by the Barrow-Wights* Wait for it babe, Elronds going to rescue her oh— yep, there he is. Saving her again. Because he’s the love interest.

“Promise you will put defeating Sauron over saving my life” Pfft hahaha miss Galady, our boy has it bad, there’s no way he’ll stay true to that promise. (For real though this sentence just showed us what the most important thing in the world is to him, it’s her y’all)

*Galadriel gets captured and brought out to the battle field* Ooooh yup. Look at his FACE when he sees her, the slow mo and everything wow. That’s his whole life right there. He can’t sacrifice her, he can’t do it.

Dang he’s gonna do it???

“Let me bid her farewell” Omg please kiss her goodbye haha but no they wouldn—

0/////o!!???

O/////O!!!!!!!

I CALLED IT I FKING CALLED IT ARE YOU KIDDING ME I AM SCREAMING

THIS IS THE MOMENT THAT BROKE THE TENSION.

Everyone online: iT wASNt RoManTIC

😐

Sigh. Of course it “wasn’t romantic”. THATS THE WHOLE POINT. That’s how this whole “forced to kiss” trope works. They don’t have feelings for each other yet, that they’re aware of anyway. It’s supposed to be an awakening. This is only the beginning.

*Continues to get gaslit by everyone and their mother including the actors and writers themselves*

Ok ok fine. Maybe I’m delusional about the whole thing. But every scene so far has been classic romantic arc set up. If they have a scene next episode where Elrond saves Galadriel again and maybe like, puts the ring on her finger all proposal style, then I’ll know. That would seal it for me.

*Episode 8*

*Speechless*

LITERALLY SPEECHLESS.

That’s it yall. If you didn’t pick up on that, then I’ll see you next season for all the slow burn tropes. I can see them already. LFG. #Elrondriel for life.

[starliights-shining]

Hi! I hope you're not busy, but can i request Bayverse Ironhide x female reader (russian if you could) who is a bit grumpy medic but is soft towards Ironhide and has russian nicknames for him. Free to refuse but if you chose to write this Good luck✨❤️

Hi Darlingggg!!!! I hope youre having a good day. I'm terrible sorry this is like almost a year later. I couldn't come up with a story plot that was worth the length and time. SO here's some headcannons about grumpy female medic and Ironhide.

Ironhide likes to think your grumpiness is cute. The way your brows knits together and your optics focus on something in your servos.

He loves the way your grumpiness alwways shows when working with the other autobots.

Everyone points out the stark contrast of your interactions with everyone and Ironhide. To the point where sometimes Bee gets Ironhide to ask you questions out of fear your optics.

They'll laugh when you were just mumlbing under your breath about something and then trun right around and smile at Ironhide when he says something.

Ironhide used to say he never noticed it, but recently since the Autobots arrival on Earth, he's able to really see and tell the difference with you. Its almost like you got grumpier when you arrived on earth.

He's also noticed your vocalizer sounds different. Your voice is cold towards your co-worker Ratchet. Your words roll differently than anyone elses, your e's now have a y put in their somewhere and your r's roll a lot more than they used too.

He remembers when you first reuinted that you sounded cold but felt warm. Your metal plating was like heated and your voice was deeper but soothing. You often mumbled another luange to yourself. Espically when transformered. It thought it was nice.

You were you to him, but you everyone else you were a grumpy you. Rougher tone and sharper words to others, epsically decpitcons, Thats when he noticed your insults were differnet. Harsher sounding than your original ones. He made a notice to ask you about it but always forgets until this last time.

Your voice came at him with the same warmth it always has. Your optics not even looking at him as you spoke. "Сладкий(sweetie) can you had me that." Your free servor pointing at a tool he's never seen before, But before his own servor starts to move he catches what you just called him. He stops for a second. Helm swivle to look at you over his shoulder plating. HIs one optic staring whole into your helm.

"What did you just call me?"

His voice wasn't aggressie or hard, he had a curiouse nature to it. Actually wanting to know what you called him. He saw you smile a bit from his place The corners of your mouth curving slightly.

"Sweetie, Do you not like it?"

Your question didn't need an actual answer. You knew he liked it. He's always enjoyed the little pet names you give him. Even the basic Cybertronian ones he enjoys. It sends a jolt to his spark, but this one made his entire frame zap. His servos almost feeling numb to its own touch.

"I never said I didn't like it. It's just differnt."

His servos handed you the tool you asked for. watching as you repaired whatever Bee was needing for his visor.

You gave the fighter bot a light tap on the helm, tellling him hes good as you sighed. He saw your shoulder plates losen when Bee walked out.

Ironhide made his way to you, servo resting on your lower back. He can see you soften for him. Optics whirling into a soft look as you took in his pressence. You could vivildly feel your spark humming with his touch.

"I think I prefer your new pet names."

He smiled, watching as you lighten up and think about all the names you can call him.

"How about Котенок(cat). Your optics looked for anything that said no in his face plating. He just looked at you waiting for you to explain.

"It means cat, cuase you my little grumpy black cat."

You spoke, smiling bright at him and placing a servo on his chasis.

"I think your more of the grumpy Котенок, than me"

HIs attempt at saying the name was funny to you, his face contorting as he tried his hardest tp pronouce the word correctly, but failed horribly. You just laughed at him, your optics closing at you basked in him, Your grumpy large weapons specialist.

[acourtofwhatthefuck]

Hi, i just saw your post. Tiktok is banned in my country and I am very curious about that video now. So I was wondering if you could summarize or just explain it, if thats not too much to ask.

Hi, darling. Of course, I’ve transcribed it for you 🫶🏻 👇🏻

“After literal years of avoiding reading ACOTAR because of all the bad things I'd heard about it, I decided I would give it a go if for no other reason than to at least know what everybody else is talking about.

What surprised me upon reading it though was how much the books actually appear to reference Israel and Palestine. Maybe this shouldn't be surprising because it turns out that the author Sarah J Maas is indeed a Zionist.

She hails from the Jewish community in New York and has spoken previously about how much happiness she felt whenattending a birthright trip to Israel, as well as the pride she feels at her family's ties to the IDF. Her grandmother still volunteers at an army base while she's in her 80s.

I didn't know about this until I was halfway through the series and at that point I decided to finish it just to be able to see if her politics manifest in the novels, and unsurprisingly they do, especially in books two and three which have the most Israeli Zionist politics.

But before we get into the Zionism that's evident in the series, let's just take a step back and note some of the Jewish influences in the novel.

There are lots of references to the Torah, and the novel also uses Hebrew words, but the most overt Jewish references come in the forms of the characters Miriam and Amren.

Miriam is a legendary figure who is half human, half fae, and was born when humans were enslaved in the Black Lands. She was given as a gift to Prince Drakon, who she escapes, but later falls in love with when he allies with humans.

The two lead her people across a desert to a sea, which Prince Drakon splits in half to lead them to safety before it crashes down upon their enemies. And this lore is obviously an adaptation of the story of Moses and the enslaved Israelites.

Amren’s situation also references Moses. She's a primordial being, godlike in her powers, and there's a scene where the people of Velaris leave lamb's blood outside their doors while she prowls the streets at night, as a sign of respect for her.

If this sounds familiar, it's because Amren represents the Angel of Death, who God sent down to kill firstborn sons in Egypt in the Passover story. Believers were told to mark lamb’s blood above their doors so that the Angel of Death would pass by without taking from them. Obviously, these references are not problematic, and in fact I kind of love it when Abrahamic religions are woven into fantasy worlds, especially when they are subversive and center women.

But where this all becomes a problem is when the Zionist elements come through, which is very clear with the city of Velaris and its underground counterpart, the Hewn city. When you introduce them and contrast them, they are very clearly representative of Israel and Palestine.

In the books, Velaris is a secret city described as a safe haven for the marginalized, particularly queer folk and women. It's considered more advanced than the surrounding cities, especially when it comes to art, and its depiction to me is very reminiscent of Israel's claims that it's the only democracy in the Middle East.

Velaris is contrasted heavily with the Hewn City, also part of the Night Court, which is portrayed as conservative, misogynistic, and homophobic.

Mor, beloved best friend to Feyre, was princess of the city; however, when she had premarital sex, she was brutalized by her family and nearly honour-killed until Rhysand stepped in and saved her.

The Hewn city is considered primitive, and its people live under a mountain. Occupants are not allowed to leave; they do not enjoy the same freedoms as those in Velaris. Apparently, because they were all brutish and backwards, and they just don't deserve them. Never mind that Mor is from the city, and it's proof that the entire population must not share these values. We as readers are expected to believe everybody in the city is homophobic, a woman abuser, and they all deserve to be trapped in what you could call an open-air prison. When Mor is the exception because she is feminist and queer.

As war looms, Rhysand is forced to request the Hewn city’s military assistance. The condition, their leader, who is Mor’s father, requests in exchange, is access to Valaris.

Mor’s father says his people want the freedom of movement that those in Valaris enjoy, which is immediately shot down and then framed by the book as a dangerous thing to grant. And like…not acceptable.

Feyre believes Mor’s father doesn't even want freedom and he's only asking for it to spite her, and for some reason this makes trapping his entire city under the Mountain okay?

This was when I realized how evil the politics of the book actually are. It does not at all question the fairness of generalising the Hewn City’s population as backwards, and it finds the thought of giving the people the same rights as those in Velaris laughable. The craziest part is that Rhysand, our hero, meets the Hewn City's demands by way of introducing what I think is a blockade. It allows them access to Velaris in limited numbers through strict checkpoints and then tells all the shopkeepers in Velaris not to serve visitors from the Hewn City, essentially creating an apartheid state to maintain these people’s status as second-class citizens.

I'm truly baffled at how Sarah J. Maas wrote about this and didn't see anything wrong with it.

Rhysand’s Inner Circle spouts similar rhetoric that Zionists use against Palestinians, and it's pretty clear that Velaris, a city of art and a safe haven for queer people, represents Israel, and the Hewn City a, blockaded territory full of a population that sees women as cattle and hates gay people, represents Palestine

This reductive positioning of Israel as kind of the West and liberatory, and then Palestine as backwards, sexist, misogynistic, homophobic is not new, and it's something we're seeing a lot right now, especially post October 7.

So I think if you are thinking about reading ACOTAR and you've been on the fence because of all the bad things you've heard about it maybe reconsider, maybe reconsider reading it, because we could also talk all day about the feminist issues and the bodily autonomy issues in it but now it’s racist, too.”

[woah-uhuh-uhuh-uhuh]

Christine Canigula was socially ostracized & developed a complex to protect herself: an essay

(suddenly i NEED to infodump about Christine actually so here)

Something I only noticed on rewatch: the way Christine will say something silly and then just kind of gingerly wait to see if Jeremy reacts well to it before continuing, almost like she's asking permission?? (e.g. the gap after the first stanza of "Play Rehearsal"). And it's only after he riffs off her bowling alley bit that she feels comfortable talking about her personal feelings with him (right before "Guy that I'd Kinda be Into"). The same happens with their "weird noise" exchange immediately before "It's pretty killer to sit and chat with you." I know theater relies on being succinct, and that 'bonding over shared quirks' and 'feelings talk' are both just crucial parts of relationship development... but I don't think it's a coincidence that it always goes in that order!

It's like Jeremy has to pass these *trials of weirdness* before she feels safe opening up to him and it drives me BONKERS so I wrote a whole 1000 word thing about it under the cut and this got too massive and I'm sorry. Also some autistic Jeremy meta at the end if that sweetens the pot hehehe

Table of contents:

Why she was ostracized

How she was ostracized

How that might inform her pattern of relationship development with Jeremy and Jake

How gender caused Jeremy's experiences to differ from hers, and how that affects their current relationships with "popularity" and peer acceptance.

1. Why she was ostracized

I am just so certain that Christine has been bullied or at least majorly outcast for a lot of her life. She's very obviously neurodivergent and because of that she can have these obnoxiously deep and repetitive interests, she can't judge if a piece of information will be genuinely interesting to someone, and she doesn't take social cues very well.

She frequently interrupts people when they're talking (an ADHD symptom btw), even when they're literally talking to her about the thing she wants to hear!

(C: "Do you find that? Because I totally find that!" J: "Uh, yeah, I-" C: "-And no matter how hard I try....")

(J: "I know the last thing I deserve is another shot, but-" C:"Jeremy, just... say what's on your mind.") (girl I'm sorry but that's what he was doing..... I have a whole other thoughtpiece on how this particularly fucks with Jeremy while they're dating but thats another thing...)

She doesn't seem confident in her interpretations of people's emotions and she'll ask/talk about them point blank (both theirs and her own) in a way a lot of people would find rude

("Uh, you seem really nervous...") ("Popular people are fucked up! *mutual laughter* …I mean, you're one of them!") ("I am flattered, this is new / still I'm not sure what I should do" <- as a response to getting asked out, that's pretty bold! Plus the entire part where she laughs at Jake's "rich boy routine") (also compare and contrast to Jeremy's "I don't know what I'm supposed to say right now." idk. are your allistic stage dorks in the room with us right now motherfuckers)

I'd go on about her hyperfixations/special interests too but I think Play Rehearsal pretty much sums it up lol

2. How she was ostracized

All this to say that I am CERTAIN she spent a lot of her schooling having "nice girls" patiently let her sit with them at lunch for weeks at a time until they finally get sick of her rambling and faux pas. Only when they leave does Christine realize that they didn't actually care about anything she said... And this happens over and over and over. (I know this seems hella specific but I swear it's an actual phenomenon... at least I'm pretty sure? sdjflksjf)

But anyway, it's clear that by the time they're juniors, Christine has kind of (and I do only mean kind of) figured out what behaviour other people respond poorly to. And from evidence I stated in the intro, I think she's become really careful about which people she lets herself get attached to. She doesn't want this to ever happen again - which means if she's going to hang out with someone, she has to know that they actually care about her, that they know she will sometimes be obnoxious or blunt, and they'll still be okay with that forever.

3. Applying this to her canon relationships

You can extend this to Jake, someone who sees her in her element in drama rehearsal (the thing everyone finds annoying about her because she won't shut up about it) and STILL likes her. I think it's a totally valid reading that her bluntness with him later ("Upgrade") is just because she misreads him / doesn't quite get the social standard that she should be white lying instead. But I think you could also read her as testing the waters. If she's really going to commit to dating this guy, she's gotta know he's okay with her being herself. And the fact that this guy (and I think it's significant that he is a boy, for reasons I'll explain in the end note) genuinely seems to like her is a whole new level of peer validation ("I am flattered, this is new") -- so of course she's gonna fall at least a little! It doesn't hurt that he's "tired of being the person that everyone thinks that I am..." just like her!

Her history with being pity-liked makes Chloe's "advice," that Jake's just toying with her and is going to move on soon, even scarier, because that's genuinely happened to her (on a platonic level) so many times before.

Jeremy is also a good candidate from the beginning because he's weird he's a weirdo he doesn't fit in and he doesn't wanna fit in you ever see him without this stupid cardigan on? that's weird! And she keeps warming up to him not only because they're getting to know each other but because he gets progressively more willing to not only tolerate (as Jake does) but *participate* in her weirdness!

First, she does something weird and he tolerates it ("Play Rehearsal"); the next time she's weird, he participates! (bowling ball before GTIKBI). Then finally finally finally he initiates the weirdness and lets her join in! ("weird noises" exchange before GTIKBI reprise).

And notably, it is THIS moment that canonically signifies that they've hit the apex of their canon relationship development. If there was an achievement called "Befriend Christine," it would have popped up right then and there!!!

IN CONCLUSION: YOUR HONOR I LOVE THEM T_T

4: Christine vs. Jeremy: Gender differences & how that ultimately impacts their social goals

I also think all of this would have happened to Jeremy too if he'd been a girl. But because, generally, young boys feel less social obligation than girls to take pity on the autistic kid (and because boys tend to be more quickly recognized as autistic) he just ends up completely alone for most of his school life (Michael nonwithstanding - and yeah there's an important distinction between your childhood friend putting up with you and knowing that, woah, I guess literally nobody else ever will).

Meanwhile, Christine has had people "put up" with her, and she's SICK OF IT!

That's part of why their complexes are so different, because Christine is trying to check everyone she meets to make sure they'll be okay with her weirdness before she gets attached, Jeremy is trying to eliminate his weirdness altogether because he's never even experienced his peers listening out of *pity* so how the hell can he expect someone to ever listen to him out of *interest?*

Jeremy has never had someone pretend to like him before, so he completely lacks Christine's fear of befriending someone who secretly hates you. He doesn't realize how bad it'll hurt him if he destroys his real self for popularity, if he befriends people who would have bullied his real self. He doesn't know what disingenuous friendship feels like, so like a very young Christine he's still actively trying to get there because he thinks it's the only kind of validation he'll ever get.

Do you see what im saying? Do you see it???? AUAUGUGUUGGH

THANK YOU FOR READING!!! If you have thoughts or even rebuttals please share i am so desperate to discuss the blorbos

[sophaeros]

golden trunks theory but i've forgotten how to do literary analysis:

so i think much like a lot of tbhc golden trunks is about a juxtaposition between intimacy/desire and the facade u have to put up as a public figure

like the opening verse/chorus are so starkly plain in the mental image they describe. it's just a simple portrait of an intimate night falling asleep together, and theres a very secretive tone created by the words "whispered" "admit". so from the get go we know immediately that it's about "true love" → romantic connotations, and this true love is associated w the night ie secrecy

this is a stark contrast to the second verse and bridge but esp the bridge where he plainly says "in the daytime". usually the day and light are associated w truth and revealing things but here he uses the daytime to talk about "a fresh new pack of lies", in contrast to the nighttime's "true love". the fact that the bridge is about being a celebrity and contending with lying for the sake of public relations is made very clear w how he says "bendable figures" → public figures who just bend/conform to the narrative crafted by pr managers, and most obviously w the use of the word "publicise". in an interview w la times hes asked if he enjoys being a pop star (w all the pressure and attention that entails) and he says "i have very little basis for comparison. the band has been going on for a larger fraction of my lifetime than it hasn’t." so as a very private person even leaving conspiracy theories about sexuality aside hes obv familiar w trying to keep the details of his relationships out of the spotlight. + this idea of the nighttime being the time for truth has been used before in diwk so it's a consistent theme

lots of people say the song about politics bc of the second verse cuz they say it's about (eugh) donald trump but i feel like thats a very surface reading. it's very out of place to me for him to have this randomass political commentary in a love song that he never brings up ever again which is why i dont think it's actually political commentary (or well, not Just, the pitchfork interview shows that is Is aware of politics obv it's just not the Point) it's just another angle to illustrate the idea of a public facing facade. he states in an interview that he thought of the wwf, which has given us the very interesting concept of kayfabe: the fact or convention of presenting staged performances as genuine or authentic. the public persona, like a wrestler w a dramatic theme song, is larger than life, rehearsed, beloved and famous, and also very much fake. 

this next part i said entirely as a joke making shit up while talking to my mutuals but then i was like wait maybe i was cooking. we're getting into more speculative rpf territory here but essentially i thought it was very interesting how he specifies that this is "the closest thing to a love song on this record", and also that the character it's centred around is one that he "made". many of his past love songs everyone knows are about his real actual love interests (eg shes thunderstorms was about alexa. alexa was a tv presenter) and now here's this song that is about simple, straightforward admittance of desire towards someone that doesnt exist. summed up in my og message to my mutuals, "hes singing to the amalgamation of his lovers an imaginary ideal to whom he can be simple and honest with in a way he can't quite bring himself to be in real life". i honestly feel like this gels well with the ultracheese's last two lines; a vague admission of guilt, of complicated feelings, vs capitulating to honesty and tiring of lying for the sake of pr ("i'm sure you've heard about enough"). + i find it interesting that golden trunks is that only tbhc song that has never been performed live

++ this idea of duplicity and lying has come up a lot in his discography but in tbhc specifically the bside anyways has the line "what a place for both the opposite sides / of my double life to finally collide"

and finally. the absolute funniest part of golden trunks.

Let me set the scene: sometime between Axl Rose getting braids (2002) and People Just Do Nothing jumping the shark (right now), those brothers in melodic yarns Turner and Kane, plus “another human being” – let’s call her “The Girl”, shall we, to save her poor mother’s heart condition? – are intertwined among the postcoital flotsam of an upmarket hotel room. “Hey, I’m glad you came,” Turner is alleged to have said, forever on the right side of etiquette and politeness in such matters. While Kane, in his sludgy Scouser lilt acknowledged, “Ah, thanks, man.” At which point Turner sat bolt upright in his sparkly gold briefs (unconfirmed) to stress who, in fact, his grateful aside was aimed at: “Not you, you wally. Her!”

sauces: - quotes curated by genius - la times - gq magazine / tumblr post

[cugzarui]

rewatching ben 10 cuz i feel like it

i have watched kuro's reviews and he keeps being frustrated that ben has to relearn the same lessons (like not needing the omnitrix to be a hero) but looking at the first two episodes i think there might be a reason ben is like this

he seems to have some inherent desire to be a hero and help people, but doesn't seem to actually have what it takes to do it. forgetting for a moment that his idea of "being a hero" is essentially "beat up bad guys" and "rescue people from physically dangerous situations", he just doesn't even have the physical ability to do those things. then the omnitrix shows up and suddenly he can do those things, and you can see he thinks of it as his chance to help people, to be a hero. and he's a ten year old kid. this was undeniably a formative memory for him. so i think it makes sense that even if he learns that he can be a hero without the omnitrix, it does make sense that he'd at least need reminding of it.

now circling back to his entire conception of heroism: his idea of being a hero seems entirely focused on the awesomeness of overcoming physical adversity and beating up bad guys - a typical belief for a young boy in the early 2000s - but in this case i think his obsession with it may also have to do with his grandpa.

when max picks up ben, he mentions how he thought it would be nice to have gwen join them this summer. this summer. implying they do this vacation regularly. ben also mentions he's been looking forward to this all summer so it looks like he and max are pretty tight; and in hindsight (knowing max is used to be a superhero in his own right) it would make sense he instilled in ben some idealism for heros. but he probably didnt need to try too hard considering ben is, once again, a young boy in the early 2000s - a condition which probably explains why bens idea of heros is a bit warped at this stage. i doubt max taught ben that physical might is the way of the hero but i do think thats what ben wouldve taken away since its simple and cool.

this idealising of heros would be a constant throughout bens childhood and another core part of his personality, so it makes sense he would need to be regularly reminded that heros arnt just about overcoming physical hazards and beating up bad guys and being awsome, even if its a lesson he's already learned in the past.

i havent analyzed the other characters as much as i did ben but heres a quick rundown:

vilgax: fully crafted to be an archetypal evil overlord. watching this now he almost seems comical. he exists to be setup and namedrop and be intimidating, and thats basically the only reason hes in the show at this point. (he does of course become important later)

max: i kinda get the feeling max is a little selfish. he didnt ask ben if he's ok with gwen joining them (he couldve at least said something ahead of time). he keeps making dishes he likes but that the kids think are gross. his saving grace is he is experienced and wise enough to not push his luck or do anything totally stupid. my image of him changed less than my image of vilgax and i still like him a lot but my image of him did drop a little. on the other hand he feels more human and his taste in food would be very trendy on tiktok

gwen: she feels more like an archetype at this point and its honestly hard for me to analyze her. shes obviously The Responsible One and is the straight man to bens goofy shenanigans, but shes not above some goofing around herself, which is a nice touch. i like how as much as she bickers with ben they still have each others backs, and how she still listens to max and respects him but doesnt...idolize him? thats not the right word...to contrast bens relationship with max which ontop of respect includes some idolization i think. but what i like the most about her is how she beats up robots and mutant monsters.

animo: hes so much more of a person. hes become a gimmick in the later series and essentially just exists in a vacuum. why is he mutating animals? cuz hes doctor animo. he doesnt need a reason. but in classic he HAS a reason. he has a backstory and a good one. hes a legitimate threat instead of a goofball. i like him being a goofball too but i missed this animo.

as for the aesthetic of the show

i really like watching early 2000s shows because the culture in them is marginally but noticeably different from what we have now. its in bens ashy voice. its in the character designs. its in the entire alien theme of the show. the theme song seems to be a variant of creepy alien music but made to be awsome and inspirational instead of scary. i dont know much about music but i think this show has a lot of punk influence as well if im not mistaken.

animos monsters are also interesting in their design. i feel like they may be inspired by old designs of demons? dont know enough to say anything about that.

bens aliens though definitely feel like they were designed more with the idea of "alternate versions of ben" than the idea of aliens.

one complaint is that have is that vilgaxes drones are apparently do shoddy you can wreck them with a shovel??? i know gwen is the one who was wielding that shovel but still. the shovel shouldve realistically broken before the robot.

edit: note: remember that stick ben tried to use to pry off the omnitrix and the stick broke while lodged under the omnitrix? i wonder if theres still a small piece of it left under there for the entire original show and if it ever itches

edit2: they say 'busted' a lot in this show. phineas and ferb is also pretty 'busting' centric. just interesting how the words we use to communicate seem to have changed in just a couple decades

[kings-highway]

Sneaking into the advice corner: how do you write non-serious but also non-crack conversations? How do you balance the mundane friendship-building levity bits with the need for purpose and capturing the themes or progression you need without jumping directly into the heavy stuff?

Thank you!

so so so sorry it took me so long to answer this one! just busy and wanted to make sure I could give it the attention it deserves

now, obviously, the master key to this kind of question is just to understand people very very very well, because all questions of dialogue sort of eventually become questions of psyche, but thats a lot of work so Im gonna run through some things I use to address a few of the points mentioned above: non-serious but non-crack; balance between levity and seriousness; and how to avoid jumping into the hard stuff.

1. Non-Serious but Non-Crack

this answer might not gel with everyone but the truth is... just write the crack conversations. based on some comments ive seen on my own stories recently, fandom has turned the word "crack" into anything that isnt intended to be emotionally enlightening or significant. you might be looking at perfectly normal conversations as crack conversations. Or, you might be VASTLY overestimating the average intelligence of the conversations between friends. People are WEIRD. As long as you play it straight and dont make a joke out of your own writing, you can pass off pretty much anything as non-crack if its meant to be characters goofing around and being silly. How the fuck else do you think I pulled off daichi straight up biting a pencil in half in TETRIA or the Peace Sign in In The Woods? Crack content played straight is just regular funny.

2. Balance

im gonna say one piece real quick and then go more in depth.

**Your funny ha-ha jokes have to come before your serious Oh-Nos**

If you finish a serious conversation with a stupid joke, you've ruined the serious conversation. If you finish a joke by having the characters somber up, you've heightened the intensity with the contrast of humour. You know that scene in Mulan where they transition from "A Girl Worth Fighting For" into gazing into a razed village? Imagine how fucking annoying the scene would be if they found that village, and then when marching off to continue on their way broke into that song exactly as it was performed? Terrible. [TBH this mostly applies to scenes that flow into each other, not so much if they are separated by chapters, scene breaks or time skips.]

A much more challenging piece of advice is to try and have a good mental map of how all your characters feel about certain topics/emotions. for example, if you want your character to be avoidant of feelings, theres no reason to make them bad at avoiding feelings, you can use genuinely funny jokes to break up serious conversations and distract the reader (and other characters) exactly as the avoidant character intends to. This just requires some awareness of your scene and will carry more of a weight on the other characters who may realize (or come to realize) what that character is doing. etc, etc. For all types. This sort of transitions into the last one...

3. When to Get Serious (And How to Make It Natural)

now you've probably heard the classic writing advice "people will say everything except what they want to say" and I have a LOT of issues with that for various reasons, but its a good benchmark for understanding the timing on these things. Saying what you Want can be almost impossible. If youve ever had to break bad news to someone - and I mean really bad news, "someone passed away" bad news - youll know how paralyzing doing so can be. You end up doing everything BUT saying that. You pick up a glass sitting on the table and make a joke about how, from the corner of your eye, you thought there was a spider in it. This isnt true, youre making it up you need to tell them something important. You both laugh about how gross that would be. you need to tell them. You think it'll kill you if you say the words out loud but you need to say something so you joke about what would have happened if youd poured yourself some water and there was a spider inside. This is supposed to be a conversation about their father passing away. And now youre talking about drinking spiders. Everyone is laughing. (crack conversation amirite?)

Look, I have severe anxiety about expressing my wants and this bullshit happens to everyone. Do you know how many days I spent telling my roommate about the plotlines of haikyuu before finally suggesting we should watch it together? SO MANY. Because I was just terrified of rejection. This works for everything. People HATE feeling bad. People hate feeling bad so much they'll do the weirdest shit to avoid it. And honestly that's when you get your best humour.

Of course, similarly, since people hate that feeling, they're often likely to COPE by making quips. Typically, if two characters are fighting each other, I find it better for them to be 100% serious. BUT if two characters are communicating while fighting a 3rd thing, theyre WAY more likely to start making little one liners. Obviously if its the climax of your story, hold off, but the very classic "WATCH OUT!" "NO I WAS JUST PLANNING ON GETTING PUNCHED THANKS FOR THAT." (screamed across a field mid fight) kinda never goes out of style. you just dont want people making jokes WITH the things theyre fighting (in my opinion) - this whole concept can be combined with point 2, where these jokes can be inserted in a climactic conlict only BEFORE the emotional beat hits.

But when it comes to timing, it can be hard. Here are a few quick things to keep in mind:

1. If there is external pressure (man coming to kill you RIGHT NOW) that anxiety disappears. These are the scenes you want to break into 100% seriousness right away.

2. If there is tension to break or potential conflict between characters (are YOU the Killer??) characters will avoid this like the plague. Beat around the bush. Possibly for as many scenes as it takes to turn it into a #1

3. If there is bad news or a message to deliver (Your Mom was Killed by the KILLER.) you can hesitate and beat around the bush but it probably should be passed along in that scene.

4. do NOT try and break the tension with humour AFTER the intensity. Sincerity is a good thing, and allowing your intense scenes to be intense and to be heavy and serious even if theyre not funny is really important.

and finally, of course... all advice to be taken with a grain of salt. If you write a scene that breaks all of this advice, and you love it, and its exactly what you want... then that scene is perfectly written. Do what makes you happy.

thanks again!

[heyheydidjaknow]

Maybe it's just fuelled by bias, but I never interpreted L as a virgin or completely inept when it comes to physical affection. i mean i agree with the idea that he's not the most experienced, but idk i always held the notion that he would view sex, arousal, etc as [within the context of not having a partner] just an bodily inconvenience that could be ignored until it couldn't, or even just a way of stress relief that he'd either take care of himself, or resort to a one night stand (under a different alias, in an impersonal setting and most likely never contact them again).

i think in terms of physically affection he'd understand it phonetically - for lack of a better word; like when children are learning to talk, and instead of understanding the right pronunciation and meaning of words, they just know what it sounds like and know roughly how to use the word. L understands what affection looks like, he knows usually when it's expected and how to mimic and adapt to his partner's wants, etc. but he doesn't understand fully (either from his childhood, or his analytical nature) that physical affection is just a common thing that happens for the sake of it, and instead thinks it happens because x and happens in the context of y. if that makes any sense what so ever.

idk. this isn't a slight against you btw, i like the way you write him and i think you're the best person to dump interpretations of him if thats ok.

I agree with aspects of this but I’m still going to argue because it’s fun to do that. Obviously this is a perfectly valid way of interpreting the text but what’s the point of sharing opposing viewpoints if not to discuss and contrast them?

I’m going to mark his whole thing with Misa as one of my biggest points for L being somewhat into sex. We see him enjoying her hypersexual ads, he responds to her kiss on the cheek like someone who understands and is somewhat comfortable with physical contact and when he’s confronted about the obvious ickiness that is his restraining Misa he does seem genuinely off-put when Misa calls him a perv, which means he at the very least seems to understand how it could be construed that way. I agree with your point to an extent that in practical terms all things sexual would become something like a chore but I think that would just be the way that a lot of things would get if your mind is singularly focused on a task for extended periods. He just does not have a lot of time to take time to enjoy that sort of thing the same way he does not have time to enjoy eating a proper meal without working.

I agree with the general physical affection thing to an extent— that he would be naturally inclined to make it a bit more clinical and follow more linear reasoning— but I don’t imagine that a person whose job it is to watch and understand people would not also put together that physical affection is just a social need that people typically have. To not be able to understand that much— that touching someone can and is a mean in it of itself— seems like a huge oversight on his part if that is the case. And, again, he does respond positively to physical affection, so I don’t think he’s necessarily unfamiliar with it; even going beyond the cheek kiss, he has no issue holding hands with Light and Misa in their circle thing, and doesn’t react negatively or as if he’s startled when Aizawa grabs his shoulder during the whole Sakura TV incident. This leads me to believe that he has enough practical experience with being physically touched to not be weirded out by it or not know how to respond to it, which is why I’ve always hinted at the idea that his childhood did have a lot of normal person on person interaction in it to explain this discrepancy.

[mikodrawnnarratives]

GOt ahold of the Supernova audiobook again, continued where I left off, and god I forgot that Max temporarily lived with Ruby's family and with the twins. Im definitely gonna start paying so much attention to them in my next reread/relisten I already have a few ideas for how their dynamic with Max could contrast Max and Maggie's dynamic, Maggie's opinions on Max's impromptu brothers, explore potential for how the supernova would change Max and the twins relationship, etc

So far, I'm thinking about Max and his two older brother figures that Maggie finds INCREDIBLY ANNOYING god. Why. Max. I hate them. (max is like. Hey. Those are my friends!) She Avoids them like the plague.

Max noticing anyone and everyone during his time in the quarantine, and its very hard NOT to notice when the first renegade HIS AGE joins. Very exciting! Especially since she keeps stealing everyone's shit. He asks about her powers and wonders the specifics of them for FOREVER, not ever really getting the chance to ask about them.

Then he gets friends his age, or close enough (I think i saw somewhere that they were around 12 but I dunno if thats accurate), and THEY WOULD BOND, he gets more brothers. And then the supernova happens and. They ARE still close, the twins never make him feel different, but there is still that worry they might be bored with him. They have powers now and max. doesn't. They aren't worries founded on anything, If ANYTHING the twins find him even cooler for being the reason they have powers in the first place.

And then Magpie and him would actually meet and. Probably have a rocky start. Maggie isn't gonna make it easy she's MAGGIE. But Max already knows her personality and being the still new to making friends kid he is (his main friends are kids Adrian introduced him to he hasn't exercised many social skills into actually getting friends) begins unknowingly implementing strategies that get REAL magpies to like you

It works. ANd the rest is history I'll talk more about it later you know I will

Some other things about the Tucker family. They canonically "Don't Do Secrets"

Tough when Max is literally befriending a Thief that can easily misstep her way into a crime that would literally get her imprisoned if she hadn't already upset someone she shouldn't have upset. Maggie doesn't want people knowing she's visiting Max on a regular basis. So Tough. Secrets art abundant when Max is spending even more time than usual outside, which was already a lot.

I will come up with more shenanigans mark my fucking words. I haven't forgotten Ruby is also tied into this and Ruby is another point of connection to Nova and Adrian if Max wasn't already living with those two

I love identity shenanigans

Also Max already got uper smart when in the quarantine since, he didn't have much to do, so imagine if he got so ahead in schooling that only a few years after the supernova he literally has already graduated highschool. Max at roughly 15 has MORE free time on his hands goddammit (he'd probably take whatever higher education available to him. 13 or so years after the age of anarchy would allow at least some version of that in the works right?)

Anyway, he has time. The twins are in highschool, around 17, and Max finds his time spent with Maggie, a kid closer to his age that isn't in school. I think of Maggie almost a year older than Max but not quite. If they were in school together she'd be on the significantly older side in her grade. Going by what ages the US puts in certain grades and all

[red-elric]

back at it again w classpect deepdives!!! i only did one of these before forgetting about it completely but i have some THOUGHTS ABOUT VOID LETS GO WOO!!!

so for starters: i used to never really subscribe to void and light being an inverse pair, key word USED TO. idr why exactly; part of it was i hadnt fully thought out what the other pairs would have to be, part of it was wanting doom to be lights inverse through similar logic that ppl apply to seers and mages being inverses. which, ironically, is also smth i dont consider to be true anymore BUT I DIGRESS. i now think of void and light as true inverses for a couple reasons. most obviously being the light vs dark thing that gets played up in the comic proper, esp w the lalondes. but theres entire dimensions of the two aspects that also have to fit, right? right.

lets look at light for a second. (i promise this is a void post.) the light players we have, rose vriska and aranea, all have classes that take light in its more..... nonliteral sense. its not about LITERAL LIGHT like an heir or a knight or a maid would use, its about LUCK and FATE and...... whatever the fuck is going on w araneas abilities. not really sure how her shit works but i think a large part of it is just..... aranea was able to justify how her power would work, so it does. and i think thats a big part of light as an aspect too; the NARRATIVE. all three light players are biiiig big players who assign importance to the roles they play and make sure everything they do is significant. and its about IMPROBABILITY too; its about the unlikely outcomes that are very lucky for the player that fit the narratives flow and, as such, become the only fated outcome for the hero. for light players, everything is a PERFORMANCE.

so, conversely, we look at void! roxy, equius, horuss..... lets ignore horuss tho bc we just dont know enough about him. (tho isnt that smth in itself, a void player fading into obscurity.... whatever.) theres defo some metaphorical interpretations of void going on in hs proper, but we cant ignore the more literal stuff either!! or.... i guess we can; void comes up a lot as a way to HIDE THINGS. equius's blood is used to block out text in rose's journal, hiding information from seers, both literal and those who do it more as a hobby (callie). roxy causes the cherub's viewports to blackout, and she is able to help callie's ghost hide in the void. equius and darkleer both are able to create dark spots in doc scratch's omniscience, notably hiding the cue ball from him (specifically FOR some light aligned folks!). following along w literal interpretations, theres two more things that jump out at me: one, the repeated references to void as 'nothingness' and two, the fact that the void symbol clearly references the space symbol, as the spaces in between space's spiral. space is pretty generally agreed on as the aspect of stuff, like all matter and distance and concepts in the three traditional dimensions and whatnot; by contrast, void would have to refer to the SPACE IN BETWEEN. kind of confusing terminology but like, on a universal scale, if 'space' refers to planets and stars and people and asteroids and whatnot, 'void' would be like..... the vacuum. the vast majority of the universe where all that 'space' stuff ISNT. coming back to the first point, the NOTHINGNESS. space has strong ties to life, too, or like.... natural evolution? reproduction? the whole frog thing. and in any universe, sustained life is extremely rare, improbable, lucky....... and here we are coming back to light again! now were getting somewhere! which leaves void as a reference to the PROBABLE, and the MUNDANE, because if you pick a random point in the universe to look at theres a 99% chance youre coming up with NOTHING. void :3

bringing this back to more abstract stuff! tho tbh thats kinda hard bc i think void is just..... generally more predisposed to the literal than light is, which would make sense; light wants to tell a good story, void just shows things as they are. but when you have a class like a rogue, that steals the void from shit, you start to turn things on their head a bit. stealing the void moves the balance a bit more towards light, in a way, so you have roxy able to do kind of what aranea and vriska do, in that they come up w a narrative of what they SHOULD be able to do and through that have the ability to do it. notably, roxy didnt come up w the idea herself, and was told she could do it; her natural voidy things were much more literal interpretations of the aspect. but i digress. a rogue of void can steal the nothingness from an idea and make it a real object. if we think of that in more light friendly terms, we have the rogue considering a concept...... an object that is VERY PROBABLY not real, or not here in the present moment or universe or whatever. the odds are astronomically low that roxy would have a matriorb in the alpha timeline, right? it doesnt make sense, that would be fantastical and improbable and would be something out of a narrative; thats a light thing. and thats exactly why roxy can make it happen; she takes that concept of her just HAVING the matriorb, and she removes the improbability from it, the mundane details of how it could possibly exist, and in turn, very luckily is able to create a real matriorb to give to kanaya. and the luck here is critical! kanaya comments many times on how impossible it seems to ensure the return of her race. and the rogue of void thing DOESNT work when condy demands it of her, as if its a given that roxy can do it; instead, it only works when shes under no pressure, but trying to be heroic for someone else, with callie aka the MUSE OF SPACE, a super powerful class that inspires others wrt space stuff, including life in a universal sense..... yeah, w that many narrative signals theres no way light wasnt going to show up w void being rogued away.

anyway. what does this all mean? not too much, just.... some things to consider when classpecting a void player :3 a void player blends into the background, doesnt feel like a hero or a main character, and has little to no association w fate or luck (even bad luck! bad luck is a doom thing, its also improbable. void is more neutral luck, the v probable concept of just being normal). they likely seem like a fairly cookie cutter member of whatever society theyre in (yes, even equius. most of the trolls were not standard trolls; he was the one to give us insight on actual troll culture and norms). theyre down to earth, in a sense, and may feel as though they cant let their true feelings show for the sake of more 'narratively important' characters. little to no association with life or nature, probably more scientifically inclined (tech, not bio). stuff like that

[27-royal-teas]

hi its lyric analysis time and uhh this time im tying Hum Hallelujah to the Best Buy incident because i really do think that pete’s past is integral in his writing and also i just kind of want to address it. It’s some dark shit so read with caution. Trigger warnings for lengthy (but not graphic) discussions of suicide, suicide attempts, and drug overdose.

i address things very jumbled and the verses are out of order so yeahh. In addition i did use lyricgenius a lot but im not just copying off them, i have my own ideas, give me some credit ://

For those of you guys who dont know, pete tried to commit suicide via anxiety med overdose in a best buy parking lot after FUTCT was released in 2005 (thus, ‘best buy incident’) but i just want to touch on how it affected his songs, this one in particular; it shows through the lyrics in this and i really dont see enough people talking about it because this song is a masterpiece (i am well aware Infinity On High released sixteen years ago (WOW) but you all talk about thnks fr th mmrs and arms race enough- this is not a bad thing, i just really like this song)

So hum hallelujah’s chorus goes like this:

“So hum hallelujah, just off the key of reason

I thought i loved you but it was just how you looked in the light

A teenage vow in a parking lot; til tonight do us part

I sing the blues and swallow them too.”

pete is pretty much known for his lyrics (aside from being a bassist and several media scandals) and a lot of his lyrics, if you havent noticed, are really fucking depressing. He thinks that maybe he can swallow the sadness which presumably alludes to the drug overdose (“i sing the blues and swallow them too”). It feels also like hes saying that he swallows his own words, as well- his style of lyrics is deeply confessional and tells a story, just like blues, of which is described to hold a conversational feel. It could also be a throwback to the saying you’re going to eat your words, which basically just means ‘you’re going to regret what you say’. He’s singing his sadness. 

For the rest of the chorus, it’s pretty much just the best buy incident. Hallelujah references what he was listening to when he tried to do it. lyricgenius notes that the key of c major is often referred to as the ‘key of reason’ (the original hallelujah was written in this key). HOWEVER, hum hallelujah was written in the key of D (which is right after C major) which makes it just off the key of reason. ‘A teenage vow in a parking lot’ (lyricgenius doesnt agree with me on this one rip) references the attempt- a vow of death; vows are meant to be binding, but a teenage vow might be broken as teenagers are typically painted to be naive (showing he DIDNT SUCCEED IN THE ATTEMPT). the parking lot is because best buy. You might also contrast this line with marriage and how those vows are supposed to be binding, although thats not always the case. ‘Til tonight do us part’ brings up the marriage vow (again) ‘until death do us part’. hes talking about how since he’s going to do it that day, that will be the day they are parted. 

i also wanted to look into the reasoning of hallelujah beyond the fact that that was what he was listening to, and google steadily reports that it means praise the lord or praise god and appears in several psalms in the Old Testament, typically at the beginning or the end. Its a phrase that, to me, symbolizes relief and new beginnings, and i think its interesting that its paired with this line in this way. 

Straying away from the musical explanation, ‘just off the key of reason’ could also be interpreted as ‘just off the verge of insanity’ (just off reason). 

thanking the lord while losing your mind… nothing patrick does in any of his songs is unintentional. to me the entire chorus itself feels like a musical panic attack.

lyricgenuis also brings up an excellent point with i thought i loved you but it was just how you looked in the light. It’s kind of a regret sentence. it could mean a lover, someone he had glorified until he actually got to know them (gee, i do get that) or it could be his outlook on death and his suicide attempt in general. He thought that dying would be an escape, but in another light, looking back later, he can see it was not the right choice after all.

The second verse goes: 

“The road outside my house

 Is paved with good intentions

hired a construction crew 

cause’ its hell on the engine”

This entire verse is telling us this: pete is trying his very best to live, to get outside his house, to wade through the massive depressive slump and his view on how he just messes everything up, but no matter what he does, nothing works and he hurts everyone else (‘it’s hell on the engine’). Hes saying that his best is never good enough because whenever people try to help him- when he tries to help himself- it only backfires. The prechorus goes like this:

“And you are the dreamer

And we are the dream

i could write it better than you ever felt it”

i feel like everyones dreamed of being famous at some point of time. I know i have. I still want to be famous. Its the dream, i guess, being credited for accomplishments. We all want validation (how sad is that?) but these two lines, you are the dreamer and we are the dream is kind of like saying dreams can come true, because look at me, im living it. 

as for ‘i could write it better than you ever felt it’ lyricgenius does have a pretty decent explanation. it could ALSO, HOWEVER, mean not being able to put a name to things, but even if you feel numb inside, you can write it down. i for one have an entire moleskine filled with potential song lyrics and poetry, and every single line is something ive felt. 

I think that, excluding the chorus, my favorite verse in this song would have to be the one right after the chorus.

“My words are my faith, to hell with our good name

Remix of your guts, your insides x-rayed

and one day we’ll get nostalgic for disaster

We’re a bull, your ears are just a china shop”

lyrical GOLD

I cant even decide which one i want to go through first so lets just start at the top. fall out boy was never known for being good; they were known for being different, weird, emo. ‘my words are my faith’ call to mind the mention of religion, something of which has been a controversial topic pretty much the entire time humans have been alive. he will fight to keep his ‘religion’ alive, even if it sours his name. And pete has spent his whole life writing; hes pretty much dedicated himself to this band, so it wont take much for him to throw away his name to keep it (perhaps this is linked to the best buy incident because he doesnt care anymore). 

Remix of your guts could mean someone changing the meaning of something you’ve poured your heart and soul into. your insides x-rayed is interpreted to mean being overanalyzed so much that the orignal meaning is lost (rip im doing that right now arent i) but honestly when i heard this line the first thing i thought of was that one time pete got his heart x rayed to give to his girlfriend, which was truly peak pete wentz. i dont think its correlated with the song but it would definitely be interesting

One day we’ll get nostalgic for disaster again its that LOOKING BACK. im a fucking sucker for nostalgia. Id get high on it if i could. Im so stuck in the past, but im trying to move on. Nostalgic for disaster,.. he probably misses the van days. those were definitely a disaster, but he can look back and go hey, that was one of the highlights of my life. 

We’re a bull and your ears are just a china shop calls back to the song’s second verse again-- it’s similar to hired a construction crew, 'cause’ it’s hell on the engine. It recalls the phrase a bull in a china shop which comes to mean ‘a clumsy person’. ‘a clumsy person breaking things’. He’s using a generalization (which I actually notice he does a lot, it takes the pressure off something being personal, it’s a tactic of YEP, YOU GUESSED IT, AVOIDANCE) to say that he will ruin everything he does, and that could translate into the listeners eventually, as well. 

The second prechorus of the song also ends with ‘I could write it better than you ever felt it’ but the first line is different. It goes:

“Sometimes we take chances, sometimes we take pills”

This is so clearly influenced by the Best Buy Incident. You can choose to live, to take a chance, or you can take the pills and take the fast way out. This could also mean taking a break from medication (I’m pretty sure pete went off his meds for some time). By going off his medication in order to feel things (sometimes we take chances) it could harm him, but he’d rather do that than take the pills. 

Halfway through this essay i have come to the realization that im writing in a really light tone and it could be taken as im joking about this situation and for the record i am not joking about any of it, i am very serious, pete attempting to commit suicide was terrible and mental health is not something to joke about. i understand the weight of what happened and im not trying to make light of it im just trying to analyze how this event impacted his work- specifically this song in particular- and i just want it known that i dont take suicide lightly and while the mood of this is supposed to be analytical and easy to read, im not trying to be casual about any of it. ok thanks for reading this interlude 

anyway the first verse, the intro, is actually really hard to hear the words in the song because patrick does not enunciate at ALL and even though i know the lyrics i still cant tell what hes saying lol but anyway the first verse goes like this:

“It’s all a game of this or that, now versus then,

Better off against worse for wear

And youre someone who knows someone who knows someone

i once knew

and i just want to be a part of this”

The first line here i believe correlates to the pressure that pete felt as the frontman of fall out boy; their entire goal AS fall out boy was to take something current and differentiate it with a spin. often the fans would complain that the sound had changed (im looking at you, everyone who hated mania, i am glaring, mania is my musical wife) and often their new sound would be compared to the old sound, mostly by fans who didnt like anything after take this to your grave- thus, ‘now versus then’. ‘This or that’ could also relate to this but furthermore i think its the choices and sacrifices pete made as the frontman. Im not going to go into specifics but uhhh yeah.‘Better off against worse for wear’ makes me think of mcr’s set at wwwy fest when they dressed up super old as a stab at nostalgia.,, perhaps here pete is saying that the fans would rather them have their older sound and be less mentally stable rather than doing better off with something new.

‘And youre someone who knows someone who knows someone i once knew’ im not sure this is completely relevent and slash or connected with the previous part of the verse but its definitely connected with the next line : “and i just want to be a part of this”. again connecting it to sickly sweet nostalgia. Maybe its about him himself. He thought he knew himself five years ago maybe but now he doesnt, and he sort of wants that back, when he was freer, and now here he is in a best buy parking lot, overdosing on ativan. 

I think the only thing that i have left on this is the second half of verse two (fuck, this is what i get for doing this song out of order over the span of four days) so um:

“I love you in the same way, there’s a chapel in a hospital, 

One foot in your bedroom and one foot out the door”

This might be the second part most linked to the best buy incident because it feels especially morbid, the idea of a chapel in a hospital, waiting for the people who are already dead. ‘One foot in your bedroom and one foot out the door’ sort of illustrates someone who is ready to escape at a moment’s notice, someone who is preparing for the worst. it sort of reflects the feeling of waiting for someone to die. Chapel in a hospital definitely plays into the ‘waiting for someone to die’ factor. when you’re holding your breath to make sure your best friend in the world is still alive… fuck. I cant even imagine what that feels like. I’d also be preparing for the worst. 

The bridge to this song is interesting. It’s just the main chorus of the original Hallelujah but still in the key of D, and it has a slightly faster tempo than the original. And, of course, patrick is singing it. It gives the feeling of a climax, a deciding factor. given the fact that its the bridge and the whole point of a bridge is to make the turning point of a song, i guess that kind of makes sense, but it feels even more like you’re holding your breath with anticipation and the cusp of regret. 

anyway this song is just really interesting and there are. so many different ways to take the words of pete wentz. i should make a lyricgenius account. 

[pyrosomatic-metamorphosis]

i love colours have i ever mentioned how much i love colours. becausee i do. theres SO mang fucking ways to use tbem. to manipulate them. there’s ways to make pieces FULL of colour look flat and full because you chose colours that fuckin- cancelled each other out. did you know that green cancels out red and thats why theyve got those green little makeup sticks its awesome. Your perception of colour is affected hy the colours around it now tell me thT isnt the coolest shit in the world

one od the things i love doing with colours is thinking about like- the Vibes isnt quite the right word for it but i like thinking about what i want to stand out or what i want to remain sorta. flat. and standing out does Not mean the focal point to me sometimes it just means “what someone would talk about if asked abput this thing.” like the bogboyhalo piece?? i normally dont make things that has so many similar muted tones. but because it DOES have v similar tones it comes out v peaceful

values do SO much for the intensity of a piece like my guxning gosh. it really stands out that it isnt just colour contrast that matters in some of the jaiden ones ive done

like here ^ you got a mix of warm and cool colours. id say cool reds and warm blues/purples?? because of the way its muted and rhey interact w each other.i dont know. but its like a sliding scale along the colour wheel there of colours which are usually Not similar at all given cohesion /softness by muting and matching (and making sure that the colours that Arent muted are used minimally and at least match)

but then also youve got shit where theres a lot if similar colours but Intensity. there’s not a lot of colours here! mostly blue! but the selective contrast of the values makes it Stand Out more, PLUS the red does something fuckin- wild here. its almost like faux bouncing light? it helps attach the subject (blue) to the environment (dark reddish purple). its not a very intense value so the light blue still gets to be the Intense thing against the dark blue of the rest of him, but it still adds a little somrthing.

Fucking. its so wild too how as you play with art and look at art and experiment it becomes so instinctive. there’s a lot of factors that go into why i use x or y or z brightness or hue or size and its Always Changing because every environment demands something different !! you can tell so many different stories with the same things paired up differently its so so awesome

[epistemofili]

I was making a post defending her outfit but i realized that yeah it would better change everything.

But! The idea itself is nice, and I've seen it done well many times. I think in this case, it's more about a failed styling attempt

(Tho i understand that from the perspective of a high fashion magazine on the 2000s, this outfit is sacrilegious)

First: Change the shirt to a white one because its too blue with the blue sweater. A white shirt would bring more contrast and variation, and it would be easier to the eyes. It would be more fun! Idk how to word it lolol

Second: change the sweater to a more oversized one. The one she is wearing is ill-fitting, so it makes an anxious and awkward impression.

Third: The skirt. Ok. Look. At first i thought it was fine, and yeah it foes depends on how its stylized and the vision of the look! But either dont really apply to Andy cuz she lacks both. And now i dont really like it. It looks ugly, and the ill-fitting blue sweater prevents me from re-imagining it.

But! I found some pics of similar looks on pinterest and one of them do have a blue sweater! So yeah something akin to those can work out

I think the biggest issue with Andy's skirt is that although on first look its fine, if you stop to think about it, the form and stamp and how is used doesn't work well at all with the other pieces. ESPECIALLY with the sweater. So change it to any of the above skirts, esp the last one and it will be fine.

(I just want to add that the og skirt is innocent. It can go well with more alt vintage styles, but again, the wearer and how is wearered matters a lot.

Also also ik the movie is in 2000s so my opinions on this is very biased. I know shit abt USAian 00s fashion culture aside from y2k and punk scenes)

4: The highstocks. Since im making a point of maintaining the same idea without excluding any piece of the look, rather than leaving them out i think its better to either 1. Change it to white stocks or 2. Change it to those somewhat transparent stocks. But considering that Andy is def going to a more "conservative" look here, it would make more sense to make her use white stocks.

5: Her shoes is ugly. I dont like it. Any hope for the original look is destroyed the moment you look at her shoes. Since current Andy doesn't seems to like high heels, then maybe wearing boots or those more cute-looking, lolita type shoes would the best. But considering her character and environment and time, boots would make more sense. More specifically, black boots!

And thats it. I dont want to justify her colleagues/boss's mean remarks, its shitty nonetheless, but they do have a point. Andy do work for a prestigious/elite fashion magazine and dressing better due to that is important, because as the assistant of the editor in chief, she is part of the magazine's face.

So like. Girl sorry i cant defend your outfit but to give your a credit your workplace is shitty.

[somelokivariant]

Writing skill or an interesting fucking plot? Ft the queen Margaret Atwood

I read the Handmaids tale for my gr 12 final (which was on my tbr for a while) and it low key sucked 🧍

Don't cancel me, the book wasn't b a d, I think it wasn't as good as it could've been.

The book felt dead. After I read it my mom was like "so what was it about" and im like gurl idek. There is no plot to summarize. It was a 300 page "day in the life" of a Handmaid (ig that's literally the title of the book-).

But you know how in grade three you learn the story arch with the conflict-climax-resolution? Atwood didn't follow that, (and I'm all for ditching rules for artistique purposes) but in this case it didn't do anything for the story.

Offred was right at the climax point, right in the smack of that dab, but because the entire book was at the same level of stakes, there was no stimulation and it fell flat.

Now ik we do get Offreds flashbacks, but I don't think they fully made the reader feel what we were supposed to. That contrast (between Gilead and the "before") that's supposed to intrigue us wasn't shown in an effective way. The mix of present (that was actually past because it was a tale, a retelling?) and the flashbacks just made things confusing. There were a couple times i was like, wait where are we actually? Where is offred physically rn??

That story arch is still in mind within the story, but it wasn't illustrated that clearly. It was like a faint idea behind the writing that didn't quite make it into the actual writing. (However this does show how good of an author Atwood is). The story telling was unorganized. It came off as a lot of yapping (listen I love yapping) but Atwood was writing to the point where the words lost their meaning. (Remember that this is all opinion guys. See side note from me is, poetic wordy classic writing is great, but when it's used properly. Writing like that is supposed to be a punch, it's supposed stand out. When you pull that move too much, it becomes dull and no longer strikes the reader. [Just like how the plot is so much climax that its dull too])

And this us where you could say the lack of order was supposed to represent Offred's state of mind and life and how out of control things became (and i'll say thats a totally valid point)

She coulve written about offered running away, her child getting stolen, and making it through the red centre whatever, and you would seen that increase, change and danger in her life.

The problem is Atwood has an INSANELY good plot. The world building was so good, and her characters were so complex and fleshed out. As a professional author 🤓☝️ I can tell so much thinking went in to building Gilead. But then she just didn't indulge as much as she could've.

She literally didn't do her own story justice.

See falling short on a movie coming from a book I understand, because they lose things all the time, but falling short on the book itself in the first place? The story had so much potential 😭.

When i was reading I think there were multiple parts where I thought she was making a point, but then she never reinforced it. Like she forgot talking abt that, she started an idea and never finished. (Again I'm sure some of y'all love that kind of writing, and love coming to your own conclusions on what the piece means). An example was early on in the book Offred talks about the white caps the handmaids wear, and how it blinds them and "it’s hard to look up, hard to get the full view, of the sky, of anything.” (34). And I was like Atwood better use this line, this better mean something later on for their character development. But then shE DIDNT, and it became more word fluff. If the book went on to have the handmaids look up, look at the sky, with optimism and hope, to get the full view and see how Gilead was corrupted, that shit would've been SO GOOD.

That's the level of shaping a tale i was expecting and I didn't get it.

Atwoods writing is very good. My teacher said shes very showy, hes right, she exploits how well she works with words, (which doeesnt always turn out to be a good thing, because she gets carried away). She's a yapper. I understand you have skill, can you direct it to the plot please? (/lightheartedly)

Someone asked bad writing + good story or good writing + bad story. I am would rather take bad writing + good story and I think this is an example of good writing + bad story

So as an author I think yes it's a very strong novel and writing. But as a reader I was so bored 😭. Atwood is a GREAT author and the Handmaids tale was a GREAT plot, I just didn't like the way she wrote it.

[rereadingtlt]

DAY ONE chapter one The main thing that stands out to me in this chapter is the domesticity. The getting dressed, making eggs, getting out the bowls, dont they teach you to count at school, how Palamedes always offers Nona coffee, how Pyrrha shaves every day, doing Nona's hair. I think they closest to this kind of thing in the previous two books was Harrow doing Gideon's face paint, and wolfing down meals. And as I said on my main blog the other day, the murder dinner and the other murder dinner. The whole pace is slowed way down, not just in the sense of going through all these details, but also the bigger structure that the entire book is only a week. Or is it five days, I dont remember now. Books 1 and 2 are frantic plot, murder mystery and survival, scraping by, life and death. In theory Nona's surroundings are similar and the book from Cam or Pyrrha's perspective would have been similar, but the difference is Nona. She is happy. She's grateful. She loves every minute of every day and so we slow down and experience it with her. Im guessing AtN is going to go back to fast paced and frenetic, so it makes a lot of sense to me on multiple angles that Nona gets her own book. To the discussion between Palamedes and Pyrrha that's absolute word salad the first time around - There's site C and site B. This might be the same as the barracks and actually Im not sure what the other option is (I think its looking for the Sixth, who we know are in The Convoy. I'll have to come back to this because I dont remember what Campal knows at this point about where their housemates are). I think that the barracks is where Ianthe shows up later, at this point it seems like there's Cohort members under siege in there, maybe 200 people.

Then, Pal's layered hostage situation. From a chapter or two later, we learn everyone who's not in the Houses are on one of three planets.

"Three million people on a thanergy planetoid millions of kilometres away from us. Nine million people in this city alone.....Three million people, plus nine million, plus sixteen. We refuse to leave any of them behind." And then Pyrrha says "If you asked me to pick between the three of us and those twelve million plus sixteen, I'd pick us." This is extremely curious to me. Its not plus sixteen million, its plus sixteen. Who are the sixteen? Is it relevant that thats the exact number of OG lyctor's and cavs? Contrasted with Pyrrha's "the three of us" makes me even more sure that sixteen and not sixteen million is deliberate. But who the hell are those sixteen? Second, "We refuse to leave any of them behind." Direct parallel to John the chapter before. Cant believe I never noticed this but of course the main theme of John and not leaving anyone behind to nuking everyone is going to be mirrored in our protagonists. I honestly dont remember how this goes for our protagonists so Im going to have to watch this carefully. Small notes , what is with hairy v wooly animals, and what the heck is with the sand jackets that pour sand out in copious amounts if you put them on wrong? What is that for whats the construction what does it look like?