#this is... very much showing my autism lmao

[seeingsooey]

my experience with BPD

I’m posting about bpd again to literally nobody that will read it. I just like to yap lmao

Note: i am in therapy and have been working really heavily on my behaviors and habits for a while now. None of this is to vent, rather to share my own experience with the disorder and how it developed. I’m actually doing pretty good right now!!

I’m mostly posting this just because it might provide some insight ( to at least one perspective of BPD) and because it might help any of you with BPD reading find something to relate to. I know how lonely it gets 😭

Also if you do read this please refrain from saying something like “ this aligns more with autism/HPD”

I mean yeah they totally do align in some ways but I’m diagnosed with something and it is neither of those. It could be possible but I’d rather not jump to that conclusion

For most people with a cluster B disorder, something happened in early childhood that was either extremely damaging or traumatic. I wouldn’t say I had a great childhood, but it wasn’t terrible. ( my therapist also told me that I normalize a lot of things so whatever. Don’t listen to me lmfao.)

For me, my early childhood looked like this

Apparently, I was super “Chill” as a child. I didn’t ask for much, and I was almost constantly asleep. The critical failure of my childhood was that I didn’t get any of the attention, approval, or much of anything emotional to the extent that I needed it growing up. It happened, just not enough. There was a failure to understand that just because I wasn’t stomping my foot to demand something, didn’t mean I did not need those things. I would have loved to have been rocked in one arm as a kid and told that everything would have been okay, but it just didn’t happen. I was “ independent”. ( which is. Impossible to be at that age.)

I was very frequently shut out, and I didn’t have the space to share anything with anyone. Which is why it strikes me as incredibly meaningful when somebody takes time to listen to me, looking at today. And it tends to be a lot, just because I have always had a lot to say.

I was also extremely emotional as a kid. Suuuuper sensitive to my surroundings and everything. This of course would have been brought to my attention excessively.

“ you’re such a baby! Stop being so sensitive”

Thanks for that ♥️ maybe I was being sensitive, but it’s not something I should have been punished for.

It taught me even further that I didn’t matter, and that I was lesser than everybody. I spent a lot of my time alone and making books my friends. I was super good with computers, art, and general trivia about wild animals but I could never really understand how human conversations or relationships worked. But that would not stop me from pretending that I did, unfortunately.

It was around this time that my worst habit developed. Compulsive lying.

It was more of a problem I had when I was a kid, lying about every goddamn thing ever. ( unless it was important.)

I would lie about the color of my socks, what I ate for breakfast, what I dreamt about, or what I had spent the weekend doing. The only reason I did this was because it would possibly give me approval from the people I needed approval from. I felt so much lesser than them, so I had to make myself seem interesting if I actually expected some kind of company.

I still catch myself lying for no good reason dating up to today. ( albeit rarely). Because it was something I did so much, it’s very hard for me to control and I usually say something without realizing I had just said it. I swear to god I’m getting a grip on it though.😭

Similarly, I would mimic and copy everything. It was for approval. I didn’t know how to talk to people so I copied lines from shows, movies, and games. I built my personality off of characters that I liked because I didn’t have a self of my own. ( a core criteria of BPD!!).

I also started getting “ delusions.” Not actual ones, because I can see through them somewhat, but definitely like. Weird magical ways of thinking. I was so completely bored and alone and emotionally neglected that my brain started to come up with scenarios to either keep myself entertained or make myself feel like I had any worth at all. I still get these weird magical thoughts today, I don’t know why either, because I’ve felt more confident in myself than I ever have before and I don’t need anything to make me feel like a “ special person” if I already see good in myself.

They thought I was schizo-spec because of the thinking. )

It was all to look interesting; because I was taught for so long that I wasn’t. That I was boring and that my place is below everyone else😥. I was desperately trying to get to “ that level” that everyone else was at. I just felt so inferior to everyone, and like they always would know better than me.

I felt abandoned by everyone and everything. I felt like everyone would leave, because there was something far better or interesting than me. If I was so below everyone, clearly there was something far higher than me that I would be left for. I was and am terrified of the concept of being temporary.

I still do kinda feel this way. #disorder

It changed as I grew up and got older and went through like puberty or whatever. I became a lot edgier and resentful of others. Actually, I was MISANTHROPIC. This was after I was very deeply hurt by somebody I held really close. It changed my perspective on everything. I was about 12 or 13 when this happened.

Suddenly, everyone was out to hurt me. Everyone was going to leave me behind so I’D be the one that left first. They would use me to entertain themselves and then throw me away, ( as edgy as that sounds it was what I believed.)

I couldn’t trust people anymore, despite how hard I tried there was always that damn fucking feeling that they were going to do “ the same thing”. I grew extremely hyper vigilant, looking for “signs”that somebody would leave me. And when I found them, I’d get so terrified that I eventually became angry and distant, self sabotaging anything I ever had. I wanted to leave and I wanted them to hate me, so they wouldn’t feel bad if they even did at all. ( “splitting”. If you want to google the BPD term.)

It’s apart of my wack attachment style. Which you could call “disorganized”

when it’s not like this, which it’s USUALLY not, I am actually extraordinarily attached to people. It’s harder for me to see the wrong with somebody and I end up completely consumed and loving somebody to like, the core of my being. A weird side effect of BPD is just how emotionally intimate my attachments with people can grow to be.

Which can be like, overwhelming or even draining to both parties. I am not sure if I’d want to love anybody “less” than I do though.

Another thing that can be draining is my emotions and how fast they SWITCH. my emotions never lessened from when I was a child. I’d actually say that years and years of bottling up made them a lot stronger than they already were. ( who knew?)

I can be extremely passionate or elated, extremely terrified and anxious or enraged or DESPAIRED inappropriately all quite randomly. It catches people off guard.

When I’m in a certain mood I also act kinda weirdly. To others it would be perceived as dramatic, but I almost don’t really see it. I mean I do, but only when I’m out of said mood. I can be really really sad and saying the cheesiest stupid stuff because that’s just how I feel, and I don’t know how to put it into words. Something I still struggle with is restraining myself from saying something I’ll probably regret when I’m out of a certain mood.

I can’t say “ I want to examine every single working bit that runs in your soul” because that’s just a creepy thing to say. Even if I do genuinely feel that way lmfaoooo. I can tell somebody I care about them better, and in a way that doesn’t make them or myself recoil.

Oh; I also get physical reactions to my emotions. I throw up very easily because of it or even just feel super sick for like a day or two.

When I get anxious; I throw the fuck UP. It’s usually because of pattern recognition, and something about worrying about being too vulnerable and being rejected for actually taking a mask off.

Same with being excited or simply just feeling an intense amount of care towards another person or group of people.

Another thing I do when I feel like I’m about to be abandoned is act a fucking FOOL. of course I hold a strong leash on myself now but I didn’t before. I used to engage in extremely self harming or self deprecating behaviors just to see if somebody actually cared enough to be worried. This, IRONICALLY, drives people away. Who would have thought, huh???

My other instance of being really stupid is when I’m “bored”. I very often feel empty, worthless, or unlovable. The only way I feel like I can fill up that hole is by doing something, and it’s usually not helpful to myself. My two examples for this are binge eating, and spending excessive money. I don’t have much to say about this but it’s here, and it’s another common thing with BPD.

Oh, oh , OH! And I disassociate a LOT. Frequently. Every day. I can be in a conversation with somebody and just suddenly be out of it. Like, on another world. No clue why I do this.

Anyways, I’ve been going to therapy for a while now. I have been working on myself even before then, but of course, actually knowing what to work on is pretty helpful lmao.

If you actually read through all of this hi!’ Thank you. And if you also have BPD I hope you can relate!!

[pezinvests]

clinical trial spoilers because there is somewhat of a following now here on tumblr and i want to make my mark. long opinion post. if you're reading through the tag and haven't played, please play the game to the end first i beg of you

so obsessed with how limited our true knowledge is of lee. for what we all know lee has done this kind of thing before and how he just might be more dangerous than he seems. a man in his 20s who got his nursing license during the bush administration (2007-2008ish), ex-mormon/ex-christian/ex-catholic with a slightly strange upbringing and carries himself so seriously and does things so meticulously.

in the bedroom scene he says he just moved out a year ago into a house full of hand-me-downs and old stuff he has kept forever, followed with him saying "a lot of stuff in my life doesn't make sense."

man. that is by far the most vague yet perhaps suspicious thing you could say if you were in his shoes. of course, some have speculated this is just him having some form of autism (in which i welcome this theory and would make sense), but i do think he has just done this type of thing before.

of course, he has fantasized about dying in those hidden walls and has dreamt of studying heavily on orthopedia and pursuing this as his career path, this is canon. maybe in general has studied these kinds of ideas of murder, torture, etc. that relates to it as well.

however he was covering up everything so well by driving brandon's car in a lake. (and hopefully covering whatever tracks he made after driving into the ditch like footprints and maybe tiretracks of his own car to leave the scene??? he seemed to have thought so far ahead to bury his body anyway in there because no one will come looking so. there's also that animation from the dev themselves on twitter that show how angel & lee disposed of brandon. my god. it's so meticulous and careful)

he was also quick thinking on his feet getting a signal jammer to block angel's cellphone from pinging nearby towers. he was only so lucky that their phone died on the way to his house and probably was able to set up the cell jammer before he brought in groceries.

or worse yet, he already had a signal jammer with him. like he just had one already and he set that up really fast before he could even get a charger for angel. lee never mentioned the full circumstances of him having it and when he set it up. he just said he was lucky that angel's phone died on the way there. him being so vague as well as the game not telling us much on that front really sells it.

i get that we don't really see angel's day-to-day life outside of the clinic either (minus the home scenes where you see their art posts and texts on their phone) + it's an RPGMAKER game, can't be that detailed, so we don't usually see what happens in between those times anyway (masterful story technique i must say). but it really leans into the idea that whatever lee says, we really just have to take his word for it now especially with the amount of things he tried to hide.

looking at the bigger picture, yes, lee's actions are inexcusable and disgusting, who would trust someone like this afterwards? and that really rings true throughout the entire game's story. angel giving lee a third chance really is an act of mercy from a god. hell, them walking away on ending 1 was also merciful, especially at their expense if the authorities don't believe angel as to what happened.

so uhh. main takeaway? i love the way lee was written. i'm so glad homie went full send on his character being a little bit of a pathetic creep (lmao the cum-stained jacket being fully written in, really sold it for me) and on purpose him being very vague about his true nature. it plays on the idea that "when someone says who they are, believe them". we have the same amount of info angel has as the player and through it all? we just have to take lee's word for everything.

[malleusmalifecarum]

Silver is such an awesome character

I always see people mention idia for disability representation -specifically autism- which is great, he’s canonically using an ipad for speech support and its very clear about his strong interests , etc. like as an autistic person in the same age group as him its.. so obvious. However ive always resonated with silver more, i feel like idia gives off more willing antisocial lifestyle, hes pretty sarcastic and comes off as rude (within reason lmao being a nrc student must suck), he doesnt enjoy or actively seek out social experiences unless its related to an interest, e.g harveston event. But with silver i feel like he’s not as willing to be like he is. (Not saying idia is happy with his lifestyle - tbh i dont really know enough about the guy to say)

For example, in his dorm uniform vignette he seeks out help from kalim who is naturally extroverted and friendly to help him communicate his emotions in a way that isnt strange to his classmates. Which is so!!ugh!, like that vignette literally made me tear up.. all my frustrations come from not being able to connect with my classmates or have people know me, how i feel, i know that i cant express my emotions in a way thats normal, or i cant express them at all. Like people portray silver as this cool, pretty, princely guy who everyone happens to have a slight crush on but hes not!! To his classmates hes just the quiet kid whos awkward to talk to and doesnt talk much himself.. as a high masking autistic girl its so real :’) fyi i wouldnt say silver is autistic, he portrays symptoms of narcolepsy- i dont have narcolepsy so i cant say if thats the reason for his social struggles and if its connected but either way the experience is very similar. Silver expresses grief and feels guilty over his condition, it gets in the way of his relationship when all he wants is to be of service to his family, but he just? Can’t! Like the feeling of knowing you CANT do something, not that you dont WANT to you just physically cannot fucking sucks!! And its guilt. Its not your fault, really isnt, but damn it feels like it. Especially when no one understands your condition, so they assume its something you can control, they dont get its a disability for a reason!! My diagnosis was 4 months ago, ive gone through the vast majority of my life being undiagnosed so aswell as general disability rep i also think silver’s really good for the undiagnosed/medical mystery folks; silver himself says many times he doesnt understand his own condition or why he works like that, which makes it soo much harder to explain it to other people because you cant just drop a doctor’s note. Its difficult to get support and have people’s sympathy so they dont become annoyed ( also: if you yourself arent aware the guilt aspect skyrockets. Undiagnosed neurodivergence/disability lifestyle is pretty much screaming why whyw whyw why!!! Am i like this! At god) . Example: his labwear vignette shows professer crewel beating silvers ass with a detention for something he cant control- he fell asleep during class . Silver apologises, gen means it, but crewel doubts the sincerity of his apology because it ‘didnt look like he meant it’ :’) this vignette gen makes me so mad out of empathy?? Tbh crewel didnt pass the vibe check.. like youre teaching teenagers- arguably the worst time for mental health of your life- someone at some point is gonna have a rough night.. even if he doesnt know its a disability (silver’s sleeping spells arent confirmed as such but through the way it affects him id argue that it should be treated as one) you can atleast assume the kids not doing it willingly 😭😭 professor crewel is a perfect example of the type of people that will be a pain in the ass if youre undiagnosed.. like honestly i resonate with silver so much i get second hand frustration.

Like all silver wants is to spend as much time as he wants with lilia, to repay him in the short time silver has (lilia is fae so will live much longer than he) but half that time is taken up by something beyond his comprehension and control!! When lilia has done all in his power to try and help silver but still nothing has worked.. silver doesnt want lilia to spent his life worrying about him 💔💔 hits even harder after lilia revealed hes dying and may in fact die before silver. It makes so much sense that silver would be shattered to the point of crying infront of malleus when everything hes ever wanted to give lilia (love,support, to stop lilia from worrying) is deemed almost impossible by factors he cannot control.

Therefore i dont really want book 7 to end with silver’s sleeping spells being cured- if the root of it is (BOOK 7 SPOILERS!!) from the spell that was put on him as a baby that would send him into a deep sleep until someone who could truly love him awakes him, i assume that after he gets over his complex of judging love by how much you can do for someone (this gets in the way of his relationship with lilia. He thinks that he isnt truly deserving of lilia’s love because he hasnt yet ‘repayed’ him for all lilia’s done for silver.. boy doesnt get the trope of unconditional love 😔), he will finally be content with his relationship with lilia: which concludes with ‘true love’ (familial), his curse will be fully broken. He wont get sleeping spells anymore. Which i suppose is good for silver and the message of love is most powerful which diasomnia has. But i also think it would be most affective if silver just learned to accept his condition and know that it cant get in the way of his family because their love is so strong.( it shouldn’t get in the way anyway,under any circumstance, but silver himself needs to know this 😭😭) Rather than solving the problem straight at the cause, its so much better for silver to heal and accept himself. May be slightly self indulgent aswell lmao because as much as id love to defeat a dragon and have my reward be the cure for neurodivergency id much rather love and accept instead. Like i dont want twst to erase his representation for the plot :’)

Anyway um. Yeah, silver you will always be a diva🫶🫶 -

[saintshadow]

NATAL Moon - Uranus aspect observations in the Natal Chart.

Blurring the line between Psychic Prowess, and utterly Divine Madness 🌚⚡

I've noticed that people who have harsh Uranus/moon aspects or moon conjunct Uranus esp if it's harshly aspected by a malefic tend to have a target on their back socially, ESPECIALLY in childhood. Like everything they do or say just pisses off the family or causes authority figures to lash out in some harsh or restrictive way- which never bodes well for anyone involved. Because moon - Uranus people will in fact drag their dissenters and the people abusing their authority against them to hell alongside them. These are people who psychologically torture authority, both intentionally and unintentionally depending on the scenario. They respond very negatively to having their freedom and self expression infringed upon especially if it's being done so unfairly.

I've also noticed that harsh moon-uranus aspects can look like a violent swing between constant over and understimulation. Finding a happy medium can be difficult, and when they aren't regulated the outbursts are volatile & intense.

If you have this aspect in your chart, feeling understood is very important. You have an almost magnetic need to stand out— and you generally WILL stand out whether you're trying to or not. You’re a natural-born truth-seeker.

Growing up, these natives question everything, and usually don't mind questioning or correcting others. Theres not usually a huge respect for authority either, and these natives have no problem challenging those who abuse their social power. They may even thrive on this dynamic, it's always very much "fuck the system".

While Uranus isn't a trauma marker, it does bring a lot of tension. Those with this aspect often feel like outsiders, like they don’t quite fit in; or they are intentionally singled out & ostracized. I've met a lot of people with moon - uranus who have been primarily targeted by teachers and authority as well. You also have the "popular loner" archetype which I tend to ascribe more commonly to Aquarius SUNS—everyone likes you, but you still feel like you’re living on a different planet.

People with strong Uranus energy often come from families that seem perfect on the outside, or at least very *different* from them. They can also come from families with shocking histories or have notable ancestors/ancestry. There can be sudden deaths, psychic and spiritual phenomena, (and sometimes autism LMAO don't come for me).

Sudden endings and deaths, sporadic change, and a difficult relationship with comfort. The moon is all about our creature comforts & the presence of Uranus can really strip this away from the native. It can feel like grasping at straws trying to soothe or comfort the onslaught of volatile emotion & psychic intensity.

A lot of unpredictable events and insane prophecies come with this placement. It's easy to feel detached from everyone including yourself & dissociative + personality disorders have the potential to brew here for sure.

At times you can feel like the antithesis to social normalcy, and as if your innate being causes nothing but chaos & trouble.

It's unsurprising that many with Moon-Uranus end up being generational cycle/curse breakers & tend to be highly detached from the family. There can be a desire to be freed from one's own ancestry, or to escape the family norm.

Living authentically is a non-negotiable for these folks. It’s just in their DNA. Trying to suppress it is literally like eating glass— being forced to perform or show up inauthentically can be legitimately painful & cause extreme emotional and physical dysregulation.

This is thought to be an aspect that leads to hysterical outbursts, but in my observation it's usually a stimulation issue. Which honestly, I think is one of the biggest lifelong difficulties of this aspect. What other people may see as hysteria or volatility may actually be psychic overload.

Regardless of whether or not other people see it, this is a highly gifted and PROPHETIC placement. They see into the future & have the ability to intuitively read other people's minds.

Think gifted in the sense of telepathy, telekinesis, and even manipulating electromagnetic energy.

Uranus has a "futuristic knowing” that really boosts the already psychic nature of the moon.

Uranus also brings duality, and these folks intrinsically understand this universal llaw. With the right support, these individuals can become powerful manifestors, using their deep understanding of reality to shape their world and to redefine the world for others. These natives are highly proficient in recognizing patterns and often disrupt things, even when they don’t mean to.

Learning to ride out the emotional roller coaster is a necessary skill to develop for those carrying this energy. The highs and lows can be draining, so grounding is essential. They tend to see things in black-and-white, which can lead to intense emotional outbursts or social withdrawal. There's also a tendency to spiral from information overload. The constant desire for intellectual stimulation can drive you crazy & also cause attention span issues., Difficulty focusing, difficulty managing and maintaining relationships, can have an anxious-avoidant attachment or be prone to attracting anxious-avoidant dynamics.

There can be a major lesson in accepting losses & being comfortable with discomfort. Nothing feels predictable or reliable for moon-uranus individuals, which can lead to a pessimistic outlook & feelings of dread.

But despite it all, these people walk to the beat of their own deum, & remain true to themselves, even when the world refuses to get it.

[prentitsluvr]

screaming into the void a little here because i was lurking on twitter and i saw people saying they hate emily's character in evolution and it pissed me off because like well. autistic special interest.

but also like their arguments for disliking her (which is valid but also upset me bc obvi) was like that she doesn't feel like the same character / feels more like paget than emily and like

first of awlllll like the whole 'i cant separate emily and paget' thing like hello theyre so different ??? yeah i think paget has sort of bled into emily a little because when you play a character for 20-odd years that's Gonna happen and i think it's the case with a lot of the characters now, having been in the show for so long. and also, they arent that similar ??? paget is very smiley and giggly and she loves cooking and fun stuff and emily is a pretty sad person?

to me an important part of emily's character is her loneliness (which is one of the reasons i'm pissed that they're supposedly giving her a sister). she is an intensely lonely and sad woman i think. she has no family (besides said sister, supposedly) and all of the BAU have someone else they would probably choose over her, and have some connection with their family. so she's like, pretty damn lonely. but i digress, the point is her and paget, to me, are quite intensely different ??

and as for her character not being the same as she used to be, well yes ???? this woman has been through unimaginable trauma in what world is she not changed by that? of course she doesn't feel like the same person, she's lost herself, and she's changed over 20 years, much like paget's portrayal of the character.

but there are core things which remain the same. like her pushing of the law/her professionalism in pursuit of what she believes is right. her devotion to the team -- and i'd say also her belief that their lives are worth more than hers. the way she cares for the victims they see. all of these core parts of her are still her, but she's aged, grown, and adapted through all of her trauma, and the lives she's lived. just because she's changed doesn't mean it's bad

i know the posts were probably light hearted but it hit me in the autism and i could rant abt emily for hours and hours. i might start rambling about her more on here as opposed to spamming my gc abt it LMAO they are sick of me i fear

[strangeaxel]

you appear to draw isaac and gerard as being very physically close. cuddly even (:3c), and i want to learn more about this specific aspect because its so cute.. were they always like that? did they have to build up a lot of trust in each other first? how do they see and engage with touch? are/were they ever touch starved?

Drawing a made for the ask lalalala

First of all, thanks for the question! <3

In Gerard's case he used to touch Isaac's hands for example or shoulders to basically indicate he was safe with him and also try to communicate he wanted something more than a friendship with him when they were starting to know each other. I feel like even tho Gerard doesn't consider he's romantic himself in a traditional way i feel he actually is-- (Like when Susana Gimenez asked Charly Garcia if he was romantic and he said yes and Susana asked him "really? You like a dinner, with roses and candles??" And he said "i said im romantic, not stupid" lmao) He calls bitch pet names and cute things even tho she's always abusive towards him, he still tries, so imagine how much freedom could he have with someone like Isaac, a guy that has an anxious attachedment style. I feel he is the way he is in the game as a way of self defense, a way for him to cope with all the shit he has to go through all the time xD so he can't show much emotion or tries to hide it with humor, but in Isaac's world, this paradise isn't so bad, it's more,,, realistic. He doesn't have the constant need to hide his needs in a relationship like he used to (Well, only in private since ... its the 90s-2000s, duh). Gerard started to be more expressive with his physical touch towards Isaac as went time on, cuz of isaac's delusions of people being infected or sinful (this last one mostly because of his alters, for example, Demon) and also so Isaac could have time to process his own feelings, being someone who tries/tried to be a devoted christian this relationship felt wrong in all senses, it took him some time to accept he indeed liked him. Isaac isn't someone who would be nagging you on the streets is he saw you in, for example, a gay relationship, he's ignorant mostly, he doesn't have evil intentions (he also uses this ignorant/innocent view as a way to cope with his own emotions towards man).

While in Isaac's case, once he accepted it/half accepted it started to do your typical couple stuff, only in private, he gets mad when Gerard holds his hand on public and even tho this bothers Gerard a little bit he just can't complain, he understands but also well... his wife was much worst than this. Isaac feels safe cuddling with him, he feels like nothing wrong can happend when he's around (even tho Gerard's bad luck follows him everywhere lol), sometimes when he's having strong episodes because of his delusion it feels like he and him are the only non infected. Isaac has BPD so touch and words mean a lot to him even tho he isn't the best showing his love in a conventional way + he's non verbal for most of the time, it's like they both have two different types of autism lol

I think that's all i have to say about this at least for now, i'm still working on the ship but these types of questions really help me to understand and think of ways to improve it, thanks a lot for the question once again, i'm glad people are interested in knowing about my au/ship.

The song i used as lyrics for the drawing (i love this Tribute so much, please go check it out):

[mimikyuno]

my yuriful summer 2024 watchlist 🏖️☀️

now that i checked out the first episode of all the yuriful shows i was keeping an eye on, here’s my first thoughts and impressions

Mayonaka Punch

tags: comedy, supernatural, vampire

thoughts on episode 1: LOVED IT SO SO MUCH!!! i love the mc already she’s such a mess and i already love the dynamic between her and the raging vampire lesbian. my favorite from the ones on this list tbh!! need more cancelled youtubers and horny for blood lesbian vampires. also i have a weak spot for anime with adult characters who can drink alcohol and get wasted lol. WILL be watching EAGERLY.

yuri thoughts 🌸: the yuri looks solid!! there was verbal mention of lesbian romantic feelings. and as in most vampire shows, blood drinking is metaphor for sex but it’s made quite explicit in this one which increases the yuri score. the protagonists have already a v interesting dynamic im invested.

(EDIT) POST EP 3 THOUGHTS: i love this one more and more!!! still my fave out of these 5 for some reason? i just like masaki and live’s dynamic a lot, i hope they kiss

(EDIT) ALMOST END OF THE SEASON UPDATE: only one of these im still watching lmao ep 9 and 10 were really good! i hope masaki and live make out by the end. yuki best girl

Na Nare Hana Nare

tags: sports

thoughts on episode 1: LOVE the colors and art style in this one! love that there’s a girl in a wheelchair!! love the brazilian girl who keeps kissing everyone!! the parkour girl is turbo autistic fr… also a ninja lmao. im v interested in this tbh!! will be watching.

yuri thoughts 🌸: im v interested in the possible yuriful dynamics, especially between the girl in a wheelchair and mc, and between parkour ninja autistic and tall girl. i think the brazilian girl and girl who follows her around are also supposed to be shipped.

(EDIT) POST EP 3 THOUGHTS: yeppp turbo autism ninja is a huge lesbian i love her sm 💌. very sweet show!

(EDIT) ALMOST END OF THE SEASON UPDATE: on hold. it got quite boring at the ep 5 mark and i cant will myself to continue. might drop

Senpai was Otokonoko

tags: crossdressing, love polygon, romance, school

thoughts on episode 1: this counts as yuriful and i Will fight u on this. bisexual girl x closeted trans girl x closeted gay childhood friend love triangle? discussions of gender identity? yes pls. will be continuing it!!

yuri thoughts 🌸: makoto and aoi are cute 🥹

(EDIT) POST EP 3 THOUGHTS: idc about whatever happens later on, makoto is a trans girl, episode 2 and 3 are an insane confirmation. even if she never breaks through her eggshell throughout the whole series, she’s trans. no like fr. i love her so so much and i hope she’ll be able to transition (either at the end of the series or afterwards). egg of the season 🥚🏳️‍⚧️

(EDIT) ALMOST END OF THE SEASON UPDATE: meh. dropped lmao

Shikanoko Nokonoko Koshitantan

tags: comedy, gag humor, school

thoughts on episode 1: “shiiiika 🦌!!!” okay y’all know i love me some gag humor anime but tbqh im feeling kinda lukewarm on this one. maybe it’s bc i had rly high expectations for this but idk most of the gags did not hit as nice as i hoped. tho some of them were brilliant (also looove the constant breaking of the fourth wall). not looking forward to the siscon character that’s gonna be introduced. will be continuing but might drop if i get bored. however i loved how they Did mention that only male deer have horns sooo… noko transbian 🦌🏳️‍⚧️?

yuri thoughts 🌸: the two protagonists have great yuri potential!! torako has already shown she’s a huge girl kisser and noko just keeps teasing her, which is a great dynamic imo. also torako’s va is hatsune miku’s voice provider, and we all know hatsune miku is transbian goddess so!

(EDIT) POST EP 3 THOUGHTS: okay nvm i actually love this!!!!!! and the siscon character is such a caricature and parody of the siscon trope that i love her too (also she’s voiced by mafuyu project sekai uwu).

(EDIT) ALMOST END OF THE SEASON UPDATE: dropped lmao (gags got boring, i have seen too many similar shows)

VTuber Nandaga Haishin Kiri Wasuretara Densetsu ni Natteta

tags: comedy, otaku culture

thoughts on episode 1: once again maybe unpopular opinion but im not completely sold on this one. yes it’s fun, yes she’s unhinged, yes they’re all absolutely raging homosexuals BUT idk how to explain it but it feels very much male oriented. idk i think i feel this way bc it’s my personal pet peeve when otaku shows focus mostly on men as the intended audience (for example, when they showed her audience, all the viewers were men which like. they could have shown at least one woman who likes watching her videos yknow?). so anyway. at least it’s incredibly gay? and once again, love characters gettinf drunk lol. but idk i feel like this was made to ride the wave of hololive and get men on twitter to share funny clips idk. i like how they use actual vtuber avatars in certain scenes, and i get the vibe they’ll want to make these girls real vtubers, hence why we dont see what they actually look like but just their vtuber persona. will be checking out more ep but will drop if it gets too meh.

yuri thoughts 🌸: as mentioned, all the girls are RAGING homosexuals fr. asking about favorite lesbian porn scenarios to each other to possibly act them out. hello?!

(EDIT) POST EP 3 THOUGHTS: again nvm, i like this one too now lmao tho i’d rank it last out of these 5 tbh. but it’s so unhinged and deranged that it’s a super fun watch

(EDIT) ALMOST END OF THE SEASON UPDATE: the wii fit -like episode was the last drop. burnt braincells i’ll never grow back. dropped byeee 0/10

[peachyfnaf]

Who are your favorite TSAMS artists?

GOD i have SO many, and i also have the worst memory imaginable!!! hold on let me like try to fuckin compile a LIST

@/polaris-stuff

^ I will never shut up abt polaris' art. she's so good at posing, lighting, texturing, showing emotion, literally the whole shebang. also once every two months or so she drops a piece like this or this or this that leaves my ass FLABBERGASTED ON THE FLOOR and thinking about it SO MUCH for SO LONG. polaris S tier frfr

@/zthesheep

^ Z CAN DRAW SO GOOD SO FAST AND IT'S SCARY. he's also hella talented at animating and pov/perspective-work and his art needs more attention rn or im gonna blow up this whole website

@/turbotasthick

^ GOD. TURBO IS SO FUCKING GOOD AT DRAWING THINGS THAT JUST KNOCK THE BREATHE FROM MY LUNGS. and theyre ALSO good at making things that just make me giggle and be HAPPY. like, the silly goofy bm and noface art they do?? joyous and whimsical, but when they DECIDE TO DROP A PIECE BASED OFF AN OLD VICTORIAN PAINTING THAT WATERS MY CROPS CLEARS MY SKIN AND CLEANSES MY SOUL? ascension

@/meemo32

^ They way they color and render things brings me so much joy and satisfaction, theyre also hella good at posing too. shaking around their doodles in my teeth like a cat

@/crees-a

^ GOD. CRESPA. I LOVE THEIR STYLE SO MUCH AND THEIR FULLY RENDERED PIECES STRAIGHT UP LOOK 3D SOMETIMES. THE SHEER AMOUNT OF DETAIL THEY PUT INTO EVERYTHING THEY MAKE IS ASTONISHING AND THE SPEEEDDD THEY DO IT AT IS SO SKJDFHSHDF YK? also i love how they're just an autism creature incarnate lmao

@/fablekitty

^ fable art soft.... fable art elicits me to me feel warm and fuzzy. looking at her stuff invokes the same feelings from me that those old 2015 fnaf speedpaint videos with fnaf music playing ovterop of them did. calmness and a subtle happiness

@/kuuchaos

^ another one who's specific style/way of drawing the dca just brings me so much joy. im a sucker for people who draw em with 3d noses. also the lighting MASTERRR. style that is so squishable yet so strong. oobleck-like artstyle.

@/milkyshea

^ THE SOFTEST AND MOST HOMELY ART EVER. also i could be wrong so dont quote me on this but i THINK milky draws on their PHONE and that. that is insane. thats coocoo bananas. milky how do u draw like that on your phone. milky what are they feeding you

@/frankie-funked

^ ART STLYE THAT MAKES ME GO "HEEHEE" EVERY TIME I SEE IT. ART STYLE THAT MAKES ME VERY HAPPY AND I LOVE THEIR FULLY RENDERED STUFF. GUYS HAVE YOU LOOKED AT THEIR FULLY RENDERED STUFF??? IT'S FUCKIN' JAW DROPPING AS HELL

@/momokooooooooooooo

^ god i love momoko's human tsams stuff so much. i love the outfits they put the characters in, they're always so creative and have such intricate details in them that i just find myself staring to inhale it all. ALSO CAN BE A PERSON WHO SUCKER PUNCHES ME WITH THAT GOOD ANGST SOUP WHEN THEY SO CHOOSE TO DO SO

@/paaatchm

^ JUST ANOTHER ONE WHO'S ART BRINGS ME JOY AND WHIMSY. their solar design? i love him, especially that one time they drew him with like a steampunk mecha arm. that shit was SO COOL and i just. something about their style is another one that just makes me go 'HHRRHRGRHGGGRHR" /VPOS

@/superstar8bongos

^ what am i to say? it's bongos, we all know that bongos is like. so talented it makes everyone clip through the walls. their way of coloring/rendering is incredible and if i stare at their art LONG enough hopefully i will be able to absorb their skills and have a fraction of their power

@/hazard-c-horror

^ I LOVE. HORROR ART. SO MUCH. HAZARD IS LIKE THE OASIS FOR ME IN THE MOSTLY FLUFF-FILLED/NON-HORROR LAND THAT IS THE TSAMS ARTIST DESERT. they're so good at making things unnerving but also hella cute at the same time? like, their OC, Hazard??? fucking FREAK but also omg thats an OUPPY. also how they do expressions w characters eyes my beloved

@/flufffydestroyer

^ THE best artist on this site to go to if you need to look at some art to perk you up and make you smile. art that is very soft and sweet and loving that will warm you up like hot cocoa on a cold winters day. i love all their trans sun and characters as babies stuff

@/samoftheswamp

^ the best tmgafs/teaps artist on this entire site and i will not be convinced otherwise. i love how they use shapes SO much, and also just their overall. just their overall everything. their puppet-master design??? hello??? put that in a museum

@/marshmallowcat666

^ artist who i have not seen many pieces from but every time i do i just go "!!!" cause' something about the way they color and pose (esp when they do multiple-character pieces) just makes me perk up. joy and whimsy

honest to god i have more but this is already so long im going to end it here solely for the fact that i, tragically, have to do other things than gush about cool artists. punches the air

[canmom]

Comics mini-Comints: Dungeon Meshi

reread dungeon meshi through to the end. still such a great manga. here are immediate thoughts - if I end up having time and energy I hope I can write something that goes deeper!

ironically i was only a few chapters from the end when I stopped keeping up, but I was struggling to remember all the characters and context, so reading it through in one go was definitely an ideal way to achieve maximum impact there.

ryoko kui does a very elegant job of handling a transition from 'silly antics' to 'big dramatic fantasy' while still keeping the central thematic throughline - eating and being eaten, belonging to an ecosystem, the significance of sacrificing others to achieve your own desires. a lot of setups pay off in a way that feels meticulously planned - and of course the crux of the final showdown revolves around characters attempting to eat each other, of course the big payoff is a huge feast that symbolically unites all the conflicting factions. it is maybe a bit too neat and happy for my taste, but it's undeniably tightly executed - it never loses sight of what it's about. especially compared to something like Frieren, it's an incredibly coherent serialisation, up there with e.g. Fullmetal Alchemist.

kui's art style deserves all kinds of praise - it feels effortlessly simple, but it clearly communicates all sorts of different shapes and body types and it's really fun to see her play around with remixing the different visual elements when she switches the races around. in general Laius's autistic monster loving ways clearly reflect kui's own deeply felt appreciation for all the ways people and animals live (accentuated further by all the extra sketches the scanlators tuck in). in a way you could kinda call it like Parts Unknown the fantasy manga.

the stakes of the final conflict are interesting - there is much to be said about the framing of 'desire' and its fulfilment, of this occult idea of 'the infinite'. lots you could put in relation to other manga, and also buddhism. (in particular I really want to develop a comparison to Made In Abyss, there are so many parallels, it just might be too spicy for tumblr lmao).

one thing I really like about it is how much its fantasy dungeon-exploring setting owes to D&D and other TTRPGs, rather than videogames. monster ecology has been a fascination of that game since the early days of Dragon magazine, and Kui sharply zeroes in on some of the intrinsic conflicts baked in to that fantasy milieu, notably the lifespan thing, while smartly avoiding the traps of 'evil races'. there's some really fun nods to the weirder monster manual entries. and in a story with so many characters and factions, it does a genuinely incredible job of furnishing everyone with understandable, reasonable motivations, conflicts drawn from their context just like the monsters are explained by their ecology.

and one thing that I particularly appreciate is like... how much it is able to simultaneously understand and sympathise with a character and also show us how and why they'd rub others the wrong way. it's impossible not to like our main group, they're all such charming dorks and the manga leads you along with all the crazy rpg party shit they do, but at the same time you definitely find yourself thinking 'guy's got a point' in the kabru chapters lmao. I'm projecting hard bc i don't really know a thing about ryōko kui but laius def feels like the sort of depiction of having an autism that you can only do if you've lived it.

but yeah, it's a fuzzy ending where it all turns out well. but what's the deeper thrust of it all? there's a funny moment where marcille is like 'maybe in the end our journey is about learning to accept death' and the grouchy old gnome guy completely laughs this off as naive, because death doesn't mean anything. and indeed their big plan pays off, and falin does indeed come back just fine. but still, through all of this it asks you to bite the bullet that being a living creature means eating to survive, at the cost of other creatures, with the other side being that one day you too will be eaten. in contrast to this honest way of being is the beguiling fantasy of infinity, where all your desires are immediately fulfilled - this is shown as a dangerous path of corruption that produces madness and manipulability. having limits and rubbing up against the wishes of others, or 'doing things you don't want to do' as izutsumi's arc puts it, becomes necessary for having some kind of definition as a subject. the thing that makes the demon concrete as an entity is a desire, or appetite, that can't immediately be fulfilled.

of course we can connect this to the idea of narrative conflict. a standard advice for putting together a plot is to ask what each character wants and why they can't get it. wanting something implies movement. and indeed over the course of this story, we see that while having too many desires fulfilled too readily leads to incoherence and callousness, equally a character who is left catatonic as their desires have been eaten by the demon must be reawakened to activity by finding a new desire.

it's kinda Buddhist innit. neither the opulence of the palace nor asceticism. desires are what tie you to the world. but mixed with ecology: what a creature does to find the energy to live is what defines its lifestyle, its form.

this is probably where I'd start talking about entropy gradients and shit if i wasn't typing this on a phone at 1:30am lmao.

but yeah - it's a powerful move to go from 'D&D monster recipe show sendup' to 'living with the inherently violent nature of being an organism fated to live in a finite sum game' and yet Dungeon Meshi makes it feel natural and convincing, while remaining tremendously charming and funny throughout. ryōko kui is definitely some kind of genius, and I can't wait to see what her next act is gonna be. it's all definitely making me appreciate the act of eating a lot more.

next story on my plate is probably The Flower That Bloomed Nowhere, which sounds like it will present a very gnarly thematic contrast.

[bookiezzz]

FOR THRICE I HATH RETURNED❗️❗️ Hope you're doing good :3 for this request, I wanted to see if I could get some Headcanon's of OMORI's Kel, Undertale's Asriel (in young adult years if you don't mind writing him as if the buttercup tragedy didn't happen), & Dungeon Meshi's Laois with a younger brother reader! My thoughts were that reader's been getting very invested & skilled at painting recently, & he's made a spectacular portrait of his brother that's incredibly shy to show to him.

a/n: of course! im sorry this is so late, its been a super rough week for me, but i hope you enjoy!

Kel, Asriel and Laois with a younger brother reader

(who is particularly into painting!)

Kel

— Kel is like the #1 funnest older brother ever real

— He would love to hear you’re getting into painting and art! He would paint and draw with you, and always ask about it.. he’s pretty involved with all your activities.

— Always asking “any new paintings? any new drawings”, and always responds so positively to them, he truly loves them!

— he’ll compliment you on them and then give you a big hug !

— He would also encourage Sally and Hero to look at them as well :)

— So when you come to Kel, saying that you made a painting of him, he gets WILDLY ecstatic.

— in all honesty he would probably cry happy tears, so happy that you like him THAT much that you would paint him.

— But when he sees you’re a bit shy to show him, he’ll put his hand on your shoulder and tell you that he always loves your art! You’re so good at it!! and then you, cautiously, show him your painting of him.

— He smiles ear to ear and hugs you, just repeating thank you, and how good it is, and how he loves it <3

— If you let him, Kel would absolutely, 100000% hang it up in his room.

— He really loves this hobby and all of your paintings, and your talent!

Asriel

— im going to go a bit deltarune-esque on this one lmao

— Asriel is in college, but he still comes home very often to see you, his little brother, and Toriel <3

— He loves his family and doesn’t really like going long periods of time without seeing you both.

— So one day, he comes home and learns you’re into painting, when you excitedly show him a painting you’re working on in the common room!

— He laughs and smiles, saying it looks great. He never really knew you were that into painting; though you were always artsy.

— Asriel asks if you have any more paintings, and you take his hand, bringing him to your room to show him multiple paintings!

— he loves them, and he’ll talk to Toriel about them too!

— The next time Asriel comes home, you hug him and tell him you have a little surprise for him.

— you painted him! you just hoped he’d like it, as you worked really hard. Nonetheless, you were super nervous, trembling as you led your older brother to your room to show him.

— He just puts an arm around you, kneeling down, and telling you that he’s so excited, and that’s… weirdly soothing?

— You open your door and show him the amazing portrait, sitting on an easel.

— He gasps and blinks, a smile creeping onto his face as he kneels down to look at it intently.

— You’re watching nervously as he just looks all around it…

— he suddenly turns around and hugs you tightly! “Thank you.. I love this. This is a great way to come home!” Asriel whispers into your ear. You smile and hug tighter. “Please keep painting.”

Laios

— autism brother

— Laios is literally bouncing off the walls when you tell him you’re into painting. He’s super mega uber x100 excited.

— “THATS SOOOOO COOL”

— He would marvel over your paintings like no other, just admiring them!

— For the next few weeks, you’re working on a particular painting, and are very strict when you say Laois CAN’T see.

— He’ll just say, “Okay…”

— Until one day, you nervously blindfold him and take his hand into your room. You’re very nervous, but Laios’s goofy smile and excited laughs put you much more at ease.

— “1,2,3..” you untie the blindfold and Laios squeals and smiles, rushing over to the painting of him, in his armor.

— He starts talking about how much he loves it, straight up ranting, he says he loves you, and hugs you, multiple times!

— He’d show Falin and would be shaking her, saying: “THAT’S ME!!! ME!!!”

— he loves your paintings and you <3

[dr-spectre]

You mentioned something about Splatoon 4 thoughts earlier today, and I really wanna hear you ramble about that. But I also really wanna listen to you ramble about a Hypno Callie rewrite lmao. So if you haven't already, since there's a good chance I missed it lol, what would a Spectre Hypno Callie rewrite look like?

OH DUDE NOW YOU'RE GETTING ME ALL PUMPED UP TEHEHEHEHE! ITS TIME FOR ME TO RAMBLE!!! Imma go ultra autism on you!!! It's gonna border on fanfiction territory! (Not the creepy or romantic kind...) Don't say that I didn't warn you...

Splatoon 4 Ideas.

Now here's the thing right. I only have a few ideas on a Splatoon 4 so I don't think I can do a giant ramble about it yet. But so far I got the idea of Splatoon 4 taking place in a giant futuristic city near the beach. So you get this cool plaza area near the beach and I got that idea from the AMAZING Project Splatoon 3. Seriously go check that out, it is amazing!!!!!!!

But you can also go into the city and explore some of it. And you can ride a bike to different shops and have your own apartment!!! I know people want apartments for the next game and yeah I agree. We NEED an apartment maker, it's the next logical step from lockers!

Also for weapons... I would LOVE to have a flamethrower weapon but instead of fire it's mist. A crank operated shooter made out of bike gears where you gotta keep spamming the ZR button, kind of like the Octoshower's weapon. A Wii Zapper charger!!! PLEASE NINTENDO! A saw blade Splatana. Maybe a pool noodle Inkbrush? That would be funny. Maybe a Painbrush that has a fan on it? Man... I'm starting to sound like Sheldon HAHAHA!

For the new Idols, it would be a duo instead of a 3 Idol group because oh my god 3 team Splatfests are so unbalanced sometimes. They would have the colors red and cyan. I don't have much on what they would look like, but I imagine one of them is a female Inkling with a cyan color and the other is a male octoling with a red color. It's time we have a proper God damn male Idol that isn't a giant manta ray!!! Now since I cannot draw for shit and I don't have the desire to draw (drawing has made me so angry so multiple times so I stick to writing and rambling) so I'll just show some pics to show you what kind of vibe I'm going for.

(Yes I'm not fucking joking. I've gotten inspiration from Silver the Hedgehog and Spider-Punk...)

I think it would be an interesting dynamic to have a fancy, highly teched out character paired up with a grungy and punk character who's loud and funny. I can imagine their music to be futuristic and techno while including segments of rock. Basically techno rock with romantic elements in it.

I would like some quality of life improvements and just general improvements as well, like being able to customize EVERY part of your look without having to go through that annoying character creation menu in the crater. Faster levelling up for abilities, ability drinks and food actually giving you which ability you want instead of a chance at it. Way more pants and a pants shop. WAY MORE hairstyles, eye colors with an option to select from a color wheel, eyebrows, scar and tattoo options too with a new tattoo vendor. (the tattoos are explained in game to be temporary ones even though they secretly aren't, to make sure parents don't get the wrong idea lmao)

Maybe some gameplay tweaks too? like including very slight momentum when going downhill? It has to be very slight though for balance. I would like to add a dolphin dive like mechanic where if you press the jump button in the air in your swimming form, you'll quickly stomp to the ground, and that speed will be carried over when swimming in ink for a little while. Maybe faster horizontal wall swimming too? Basically make the gameplay a little bit faster is all I'm trying to say, Splatoon doesn't need a giant gameplay overhaul, just small tweaks to make the last game seem worse to play lmao.

And of course, BETTER SERVERS! WE NEED DEDICATED SERVERS! NOW!!!!!!!!!!! EVEN IF ITS JUST A FEW IT'LL BE SOOOOOO HELPFUL! STOP BEING STUPID NINTENDO! GOD!

Um... anyways!

Now, in terms of story.... I would have 3 parts, one is the main campaign while the other two are DLC. The main campaign is focused on the Salmonids. You play as a new agent (Agent X or something, i think that's a cool name) as you explore these islands Super Mario 64 style where you do missions and try and stop the Salmonids from getting out of control as they gone on a rampage from an unknown cause. You have to complete enough missions on an island to go to the next.

Basically, think of Salmon Run maps and areas found in Mario games but they are WAY LARGER and more complex areas to go through with NPCs to talk to. I really want Splatoon 4 to expand on the concepts found in the hub worlds in Alterna and go fully into a 3D Mario sandbox style game.

You also have to team up with Frye, Big Man, Neo Agent 3 and Marie who join up with a new cast of characters who are in charge of guiding you to new islands (haven't thought much about what these characters are) to figure out what's going on. Callie doesn't appear in the story as it's explained in a Sunken Scroll that Callie is helping Octavio figure out what to do with the Fuzzy Octarians that are still trapped in Alterna. And yes Octavio has now fully joined the New Squidbeak Splatoon which Callie is very ecstatic about.

Cuttlefish is fully retired and doesn't appear, and Captain is taking a break from captain duties, leaving Marie to watch over Frye and Big Man as she is their boss anyways. Now, where is Shiver in all this? Well... here me out... she's the villain. And no she doesn't have any sort of bullshit evil headgear on. She's a villain due to being corrupted by greed and wanting more power. She has become addicted to the high she gets from winning and feeling powerful and has teamed up with the Salmonids to gain even more power and cash. She's been fully consumed by power and cash and Frye and Big Man are not on board with her plans as Shiver doesn't wanna give back to the people in Splatsville anymore. So Shiver leaves the group and gathers up the Salmonids and commands them.

However it's revealed that Shiver is doing these things because she had a bad family upbringing in her clan and was always talked down to and treated as weak. So all that trauma and resentment is finally on the surface and Shiver is lashing out at everyone because her pain is so much for her. There could be some themes about found families and healing trauma with the people that you love and stuff like that. Haven't thought too deeply about it. But I would really love to see Deep Cut forgive Shiver and just hug and cry it out. I'll cry alongside them lol.

Now, the second story is focused on the Squid Sisters and takes place before the events of the main campaign. You play as Agent 4 and Callie finds you lying on the floor and tells you that Inkopolis Plaza has been covered in a strange fog and a weird green substance that looks like gooey moss. The buildings have changed and there's all this weird plant life and dust everywhere. Callie escorts you to the tower found in Inkopolis Plaza to figure out where Marie went and that's where you meet Octavio who got shot down in his mech from a laser.

The three go inside and the building looks very similar to the aesthetics of Side Order but with a hospital liminal space edge to it. It looks like a twisted dream hospital environment with a giant lobby in the middle.

This kind of vibe but more open and less hallway like. It should invoke the feeling of going to a hospital as a kid.

However, instead of an elevator to go higher, it's a giant spiraling staircase that grows after each floor Agent 4 completes. Basically the gameplay is the same as the rogue like gameplay found in Side Order but its heavily expanded upon with new enemies, objectives, color chips, etc. However... during the first 12 floors you hear these weird whispers and voices that sound very similar to Marie's voice.... Callie says she's getting major Deja Vu, and then Marie's voice is fully clear and echoes throughout the building, telling Callie in specific to leave her alone and to get out of here. They don't listen and continue forward.

When you reach the 12th floor, you go inside a giant white chamber and you see Marie in a new outfit that's similar to this outfit found in the Splatoon 2 artbook. Basically this but with a cool cloak and squid tentacle patterns on it and a gas mask instead of shades.

She's standing on some kind of green gooey moss and looks angry. Marie attacks Agent 4 with her charger and its a stealth boss where you gotta sneak around and get up to Marie and knock her down from the moss pile. Evil Marie has always been a beloved fan concept in the community, like Hypno Marie has so many cool fan designs out there and i think that could work honestly.

Callie manages to knock the mask off of Marie with a splat bomb but she's still angry. Callie grabs onto Marie and Marie calms down and cries. Agent 4 looks at the gas mask and its just filled with regular oxygen, nothing special about it. No hypnosis gas or anything. Just regular oxygen... Marie says she's sorry and explains that stuff from her past is catching up to her and making her unwell (you can guess on what I'm referring to wink wink.) She was unable to sleep for several days and was being manipulated by someone...

The thing behind Marie's manipulation appears from the ceiling and it's this giant white metallic squid that has transparent glass on some of it's body and arms, which shows this bright green goo flowing inside it. (think of Overlorder but he's a squid). I don't have a lot of information for this guy but this villain was created to cure Fuzzy Octarians, but due to unknown circumstances it went out of control and its coding was changed to "heal" people's pain by covering the planet in a modified and twisted version of Marie's low tide ink which now has evolved to be very similar to plant life. This goo/ink neutralizes certain parts of the brain, leaving the victim completely unfeeling and depressed, unable to feel anything, even physical touch or sensation. The villain manipulated Marie by going inside her head, analyzing her memories and telling her that all she has to is to get rid of "the intruders" and he will "heal her pain."

After the Marie boss fight, you have to travel up to 40 floors instead of 30 and during the downtime you get to learn about the Squid Sisters. Stuff like Callie and Marie before they blew up, who came up with their outfits, more info about their parents and managers, Marie talking about how she has trauma and nightmares from the events of Splatoon 2 and is terrified that one day Callie may leave and never come back again, Callie diving into her time in the Octo Canyon and finally clearing up what happened to her, Octavio showing remorse and sorrow for the actions he has done over the past 100 years. Basically Side Order but with the Squid Sisters, Octavio and Agent 4. I know it's a lot like Side Order but Side Order is so damn good so why not do it again but improve upon the gameplay you know?

That's all I got for this story and it's probably gonna change and be tweaked over time.

Now for the third story of Splatoon 4. I barely have anything for this but it will star the new Idol duo of the game, Off the Hook, Eight and Captain. I think it'll be like Octo Expansion in terms of gameplay and difficulty, but also expanded and longer to complete.

OKAY! NO MORE SPLATOON 4! TIME TO TALK ABOUT HYPNO CALLIE!

Hypno Callie Rewrite.

Honestly, the way I would go about rewriting Hypno Callie is very simple... Remove the Hypnoshades. That's it. She can still have them as an aesthetic part of her outfit, but i would make it so Callie is no longer hypnotized and it's WAY MORE clear to the audience that Callie is suffering from mental illness and that she left with the Octarians, not "kidnapped, overpowered and brainwashed into being a mind controlled slave." Splatoon 2 was always about the separation of the Squid Sisters and their eventual healing and reunion, it was always gonna be about that but due to time constraints probably, they rushed it and introduced bullshit shades to make it easier and simpler, they then tried to fix it later with an obscure post with a relationship chart that no one even fucking talks about, even timeline explainers fail to fucking mention it... ugh...

Making Callie an actual antagonist that has been manipulated by Octavio, whispering to her and playing into her insecurities and pain is way more compelling and makes more sense for Octavio to do as a character. Like how the fuck did he come up with the Hypnoshades and why did he only use it on Callie? He can just make hypnosis tech out of nowhere? Huh? It makes way more sense for Octavio to just manipulate her as he is a master of words and propaganda.

So what I would do is introduce a new mandatory collectable in the Splatoon 2 Hero Mode called "Callie's diary." At certain moments in the campaign Agent 4 and Marie find pages from Callie's diary as she explains her feelings and pain from being overworked and feeling some resentment as Marie has stopped calling or texting her. Marie looks so ashamed and disappointed and starts blaming herself for Callie's disappearance. Some of the diary entries include the photos found in Sunken Scrolls 21 and 22. The last diary entry found in Sector 4 is an emotional rant from Callie the day she went missing. She rants about how she can't take working anymore and how she's so lonely. Her last line is "if no one truly cares for me up here... Then... Maybe..." And there's a small tear stain at the bottom of the page.

Now for the final boss, the main plot points would occur sorta the same way, you fight Octavio and Callie, after a bit Marie comes in and shoots her in the eye, Callie calms down, blah blah blah. I actually really do like the idea of the "low tide ink" that the English translation team introduced. I think it's a neat idea that Marie has this special ink that calms someone down so I'll keep that for the rewrite.

However, during the final boss, i would make it to where Marie is really trying to reach to Callie and trying to convince her that she is loved and she matters, she tries to apologize for her actions and explains that Octavio is just manipulating her for the Octarians' goals. Callie fights back and doesn't wanna listen to her, constantly trying to shut her down. Marie even reminds Callie of their childhood and it almost gets to Callie, but she becomes more emotional and angry, she's so confused because deep down she knows Marie is right, but she's so scared to listen to her because she doesn't want to get abandoned again.

However what really gets to Callie is Marie collapsing on her knees and crying, just begging her badly to come back to her. And Marie says "I love you...." Callie is in shock and starts getting flashes of good memories with her and Marie. She holds the shades in her hands and destroys them. Callie leaps into the air and collides into Marie's arms, and they cry their eyes out and say sorry to each other.

The battle plays out the same but i would like to add another cutscene after Octavio gets his shit kicked in, Callie and Marie are on Sheldon's van and they look at the sunset together. I think that would be really sweet and connect beautifully with the credits and Fresh Start.

I took a lot of inspiration from the game Marvel's Spider-Man 2 and two boss fights in particular. The Miles vs. Peter fight, and the Spider-Man vs. Scream/MJ fight. In those boss fights, it's sort of like a therapy session for the characters in that the people under the symbiote are venting about their issues and expressing their anger they have kept hidden for so long, and the person on the other side is trying desperately to reach for them and save them from themselves. It's really powerful shit honestly and it made me feel emotional seeing Peter go "ALL I WANTED WAS TO SAVE EVERYONE! MJ! MAY! NOW THE CITY THINKS I'M THE PROBLEM! you think I'm the problem." Like i know it's kind of crazy to take inspiration from a game made for adults and take some of it into Splatoon but... I really don't give a shit. Children's media can show powerful scenes of characters struggling with their inner demons. They can do it and have proven to be successful. Children can handle it, they can.

Now... i have worked on a Splatoon 2 finale rewrite and I'm pretty much almost done with it, i need to finish the last bit of it and then go over it again so I'm fully happy with it. However i don't know how to present it as it's in the form of a script and idk how that's gonna work on tumblr, i mean i could put it on AO3 but idk if i wanna make an account just to post one thing on there and idk how many scripts get posted onto AO3 anyways...

It's like I'm a chef and I'm cooking something, but there's no waiter to deliver the food lmao.

ANYWAYS! Thank you for reading my autistic ass ramblings! I got so much free time that i just so much of it just writing down fan concepts for things on different games and stuff (I have a 42 page and counting document on a potential Sonic Frontiers 2.) Yeah... I got THAT kind of autism, not the maths and science one... Again, thank you for reading!

[jestinjoculators]

Here's a doodle of all the horror movies I watched for the first time during October !

Couldn't do every single day of October and missed out on a lot of films i planned to watch due to work and such, most were watched with friends, some (like the obvious scream-binge I had) were by myself! I plan to continue this chart for every Horror movie I watch after this post!

AWARDS:

I got an A in film studies so my opinion is obviously fact

WORST/LEAST SPOOKY:

Obviously Jennifer's Body got the worst points, but I didn't even choose that one so Jennifer gets a mere participation award, I'm not even going to talk about that one.

Besides her, the winner is the Exorcist! Congratulations????

I'm sorry, I do not care for exorcism horror, I think religious horror is badass, and posession/exorcism should be too, but it's lame. This just felt like my priest was wiggling his fingers at me with a flashlight under his chin. HOWEVER - I CAN appreciate the impact it had on horror and pop culture, and its theme is awesome.

BEST/MOST SPOOKY:

oh oops it's a top 3 lol...well anyway,

*opens the palm of my hand*

I liek these ones..... :) they scare me

okay well Sadako not as much, she's too cute to spook me, as well as the film being mostly buildup and story than spooks. The well scene though? EOUGH. It's like touching wet food while washing dishes but x10 worse. I love Ringu and dear little Sadako very much!

Texas Chainsaw Massacre was slightly horrifying, everytime Bubba showed up I went AAH even if it wasn't a jumpscare, maybe I'm just afraid of hillbillies? Lmao. Everything about Bubba's house just creeps me out, especially that red room with all the animal heads, why did any of the victims willingly go in there???

The spook factor went down pretty hard when I saw Bubba interacting with his family though, but that's not a bad thing for the film itself. I just couldn't be scared with how much I sympathised with Bubba, the 6"5 stroganoff of a man turned into a confused child in front of my very eyes. I love TCM a whole lot, my only complaint is that it was too short, I wanted it to be LONGER.

So My Bloody Valentine gets the TRUE Spook Award, and I thought Harry Warden was pretty adorable to look at, but no, he's beastly. I was creeped out almost the entire film. The gore was scarily creative and brutal, even if I didn't go AAH as much as something like TCM, I was cold when things got tense.

But eh...thanks for reading....here's a bonus award *opens my other palm*

The Autism Award

It is literally his fault I'm talking to you right now. All of this. Everything that's ever happened. It's his fault.

[sunlit-mess]

Hello, I hope it's not rude but I'm REALLY REALLY fond of your art!!!!! I was scrolling through your blog from new to old and found that you have Bpd,,,. I only heard about this condition, what is it like? If it's ok to know,,,!

hello, thank u! uhm it's something? HAHAHAHA idk how to explain it 😭🏳 lemme try to be as direct as possible

I'm high-functioning, but there are points I seriously just start showing symptoms.

Emotions: INTENSE as it can get while FEELING 99 PERCENT EMPTY. Something just- keeps you so.. hungry (not literally). Sensory is also another factor, and honestly I burn out a lot, tend to get overwhelmed n meltdown like shit

Identity: I either have BEEF WITH it, feel GODLY, or be so LOW, really low. I live with both passion and hate. I'm very confused. But I can say I'm just tired!

Attachments: Relationships are so hard to maintain bc of how much I fear abandonment, like bro I can't even leave my family as much as I want to. I'm more scared of getting disowned or losing my name. Love is a concept I long to grasp at the same time scared of it, I don't understand jackshit about " love ".

> I tend to self-Isolate with or without reason

> ...I used to test other people whether they can handle me or not, whether they'd leave or not. Not anymore though, but the thought lingers.

> Very- paranoid- about.. perception, neglect and invalidity HAHA.

Mindset: They call it Black and White, or generally just two categories to label my perception of things. However, I try to understand AS MUCH AS I CAN about a situation, etc. See what's in-between before I decide. that's really hard for me to do LOL.

> I always do my best to think and be nice

> I can be so fucking bad at the same time, only to regret it the next second or so

> My mind is scattered all over the place, It's exhausting

Trauma: I have memory problems and a lot to connect with that. Hate and fear is what I'm accustomed to. I live with a fuck ton of active predicaments like hell. Old wounds keeps reopening, and new ones never closes.

Impulse: shows in speech more than in action (THANK GOD LMAO I'D DIE IF I LET MY INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS WIN)

Habits: uhm. Ranging from sunshine and rainbows to SELF-DESTRUCTIVE. I get obsessive, like.. really obsessive.

Coping mechanisms: Usually I have mood stabilizers and anti-depressants n shit, but I don't rely on them anymore (bc I can't keep buying). I don't have good coping mechanisms even for physical needs. It's so bad bro. So I just end up drawing. that's the only good one I can list.

Living with it: Exhausting and an internal war 24/7. Does it affect me physically? Yes. Does it come with other mental factors and conditions? Also yes! But as one of God's most tired soldiers, nothing I can do but keep walking.

What I'm confused about: dawg last time, i kept searching about how conditions co exists like— Thats normal?? N the last diagnosis I was in confirms it does and nothing to worry about. BLUD I AM DEF WORRYING. Autism n bpd? u mean my behavior and shit isnt meant to be invalid as most people perceive — u mean these fckass experiences built that bpd? ☠️ WHAT AM I THEN—

(I'm having a hard time believing it bc as an adult, it's harder to process information like these)

[celeste-the-witch]

I actually love gemology, ngl. I did just learn that I'd apparently have to learn physics and chemistry to actually do stuff in that field, tho, so that's insane. I don't understand that stuff. I just wanna get paid to look at pretty rocks :( and keep them, I'd keep the gems and grow them :(.

I don't wan to learn physics and chemistry it's lame and hard... (I did do extremely well in my science classes in school tho and was even in an ap chemistry class for a bit in like my junior year, but I was too lazy and adhd to actually commit and purposely flunked so they'd put me back in regular science. Did that twice actually. Also got put in the most advanced possible math class, can't remember the name for some reason, in my sophomore year, but flunked that one too on purpose. My teachers were very sad i didn't apply myself, but i just couldn't handle that much work. I was also invited to the "honor society" or wtv, which was like the nerd club where they invited all the smart kids at one point, but i never went to the first meeting lmao. I really messed up all my chances to be smart cause of my stupid adhd and autism and stuff, huh? Lame.)

Anyway, wanna see my favorite pretty rock that I've found? I've already shown it in a different post, but wtv hehe. I'll show you my other quartz too eventually :3, though they're less cool and rare.

[shima-draws]

Please share your thoughts on Kieran/Ash

GRINDS MY TEETH OKAY ALRIGHT WE’RE DOING THIS

-Ash arrives in Kitakami and immediately butts heads with Carmine. Needless to say this leaves a strong first impression on Kieran who has never really seen someone stand up to Carmine before

-Carmine challenges Ash to a battle. Ash whoops her ass. Kieran is enthralled. Kieran proceeds to laugh to himself saying “It’s not like I lie awake thinking about him at night or anything” cut to Kieran lying in bed thinking about Ash going AW MAN

-Ash and Kieran get paired up together for the little interactive tour. Kieran is a hot mess. How do you not act like a total oddball in front of the really cool foreign trainer who was able to beat your sister in a Pokemon battle.

-Kieran’s a nervous ball of anxiety the ENTIRE time until they get to the first signboard. Then his autism kicks in and he tells Ash about Ogerpon. Ash notices how passionate Kieran seems to be about Kitakami’s history and is like whoa that’s really neat 😳

-Ash agrees with Kieran and says whoa yeah the ogre actually sounds really cool!! Aw man now I really want to meet it!

Kieran: Oh no I think I’m in love with him

-Kieran is inwardly having a mental gay breakdown and wonders what to do. How does he handle this. How can he impress Ash, who is already so impressive. Maybe a Pokemon battle? But there’s no way he could beat Ash after seeing how strong he was yesterday…

-Kieran decides to battle Ash anyway. Unsurprisingly, he loses. He’s about to go into a self-deprecating spiral when Ash comes over and is like WOW that was AWESOME!! Your Pokemon were so great, that was such a good battle!! Man battles are really really fun huh ^^

-Huh. Kieran’s never really thought about it that way before. At least with his background, battles have always been about power and proving yourself the strongest and winning. Maybe Ash is onto something? Kieran doesn’t feel the sort of disappointment he usually feels when losing a battle. He actually feels…satisfied?

-They continue on to the second signpost, and then to the Dreaded Den. Kieran infodumps about Ogerpon again. Ash listens to every word with a dreamy look on his face. Is nobody else seeing this?? Okay. Alright

-The Festival of Masks is ready to start. Kieran’s grandparents let Ash borrow an extra set of jinbei. Kieran sees Ash all dressed up and tries not to let his gay show too much. (He fails.) Kieran’s grandparents watch them awkwardly flirt with each other and do that eyebrow raise thing.

-THEY GO TO THE FESTIVAL! With Carmine tagging along. Carmine is her usual snarky self and unintentionally insults Kieran. Ash gets angry on Kieran’s behalf. Kieran manages to calm both of them down and he and Ash split from Carmine for a little while.

-Ash: I don’t like how your sister treats you >:(

Kieran: O-oh 😳

ASH CARES ABOUT HIM. He wants to cry. This is the best festival ever.

-I actually considered having Ash and Carmine being the ones to have a run-in with Ogerpon, and then Ash refusing to keep it a secret from Kieran, but. I like to think that Ash would change the narrative so much that he and Kieran would encounter Ogerpon from the get-go. This is the Good End route.

-Ash is able to start befriending Ogerpon with his Protag Powers and Kieran is stupidly impressed. And very very gay.

-Ash, freaking out: Was that the ogre?!! OH MAN

Kieran, freaking out: OH WOWZERS

Ash cares about him AND they met the ogre. This is DEFINITELY the best festival ever.

-Since Ash is bad at keeping secrets they’ll probably end up telling Carmine about Ogerpon anyway. Lmao

-The next morning the three of them find out the Real Story behind the Loyal Three and Ogerpon’s past. Carmine is furious. Ash is also furious but to a lesser degree. Kieran is just heartbroken that Ogerpon’s had to live this way for so long. And Ash is like holy CRAP Kieran was right the entire time!! Kieran you’re amazing!! How did you know Ogerpon wasn’t the bad guy?? You’re so cool Kieran 😤

Kieran: (A cute boy is complimenting me I think I’m going to explode)

-They aren’t sure what to do about changing the townspeople’s minds. Carmine says they should probably keep it a secret like her grandfather told them to. Ash refuses. Kieran also refuses. Carmine gets angry that Kieran is taking Ash’s side. Kieran actually snaps back at her and Ash is VERY proud Kieran’s standing up for himself

-They split up for the time being. Ash and Kieran decide to go tackle the last signpost. Along the way Kieran’s p dang quiet. Ash asks him what’s wrong when they get there and Kieran asks him for another battle.

-This time it’s CLOSE. And both of them get REALLY into it. Kieran realizes he’s never had this much fun battling someone before. Along this crazy adventure he’s learned so many things. And Ash has inspired him so much. Kieran’s always wanted to get stronger. But the way he’s been going about it has been all wrong.

-Kieran has an epiphany of sorts. Battling with Ash made him realize it’s not about winning or showing off. It’s about having fun!! And this whole time Kieran’s gotten stronger without even realizing it.

-Ash runs at him after the battle ends and he’s like “That was AMAZING did you see the way those moves collided?!! And when Furret dodged Pikachu’s attack like that I was like WHOA and then they were like WHAM and I was like YOOO!!” And Kieran’s gushing right along with him. The tism LEAPS out

-Ash makes Kieran develop a true passion and love for battling and he’s so thankful 🤧 Bc before he never could really grasp why he wasn’t improving at all. Focusing on strength kinda blinded him to what was really important.

-Kieran: Let’s battle again soon! I’m feeling really pumped up now, battling you and watching you strategize has given me some good ideas :’D

Ash gets the DOKI DOKIS and he’s like uh yeah okay! Definitely! (I don’t know why my heart jumped just now.) Pikachu looks at him like homie I think you’re catching SOMETHIN but it’s not a Pokemon 👀

Obviously there’s the rest of the DLC plot to finish but you can probably guess the direction it’s going in. Kieran’s obviously overcome his weird thing about strength so he doesn’t spiral and become unhinged over Ogerpon like in canon. Lol

Oh and this

-Kieran: You’re the WORLD CHAMPION???

Ash: Oh yeah did I not mention that?

Kieran: *Proceeds to have a heart attack*

Anyway I love them thanks bye

[vulcajes]

Regulus Black headcanons?

I don't often think much about Regulus, but here you go !!

How I view him:

Regulus Black: the most annoying younger brother ever. Feels superior to everyone and anyone because of his name and blood status and gets very easily upset/cries a lot whenever he feels disrespected. Thought he was better than everyone and had a very holier-than-thou attitude towards everything. Was smart, but not the brightest student Hogwarts had seen. Quite cowardly and didn't like violence even though he idolised people who were violent and would try to justify it. Always tried to be the perfect child to win his parents affection, but was never given a second thought by them. Extremely competitive but would throw a hissy fit anytime someone did better than him. He's kind of like a pathetic little guy to me. A wet paper towel.

My fave hcs:

It took a really long time for his magic to show, to the point where his family thought he was a squib

His father's favourite because he was easily manipulated and reminded Orion of himself

Felt superior to Narcissa and Walburga because he had a star name

Walburga chose his clothes throughout his entire life

Modern!au Regulus would've LOVED true crime. Obsessed over every single serial killer but in the most fucked way possible.

Strongly believed in pureblood supremacy until his death. The only reason why he went against Voldemort was because he felt his (massive) ego was damaged by Kreacher being hurt

Classical music lover and classic book snob

Studies all the time to try to get better grades than Sirius but he never can — he has a strong one-sided rivalry with him

Would snitch on Sirius to their parents. When he went to Hogwarts, he wrote back to his parents every time Sirius did anything.

Loved arts and crafts and collages (see the Voldemort shrine in his bedroom lmao)

My fave ships:

Waterkiller — insane guy x quiet loser. Yes that's them. Regulus gets annoyed at Barty often but they make out in his bedroom whenever their parents do pureblood stuff together

Rosewater — they sit in awkward silence together. Autism x autism. They study and read together and do a lot of blood supremacy together. Rosewaterkiller is also very fun.

Moonwater — in a non-canon muggle au they could've been besties. Remus would introduce him to new music and they'd study together. I think they'd have similar taste in books and Remus would like to seem smart for him. Also, let them kiss.

Jegulus — honestly I do not like them unless in a non canon muggle au. Like Regulus has to be COMPLETELY different to how he is in a wizarding au. But I appreciate their vibes.

Kregulus — unfortunately Kreacher is his only friend. They are best friends and he was the only being Regulus would talk to for the first few years of his life.

Pandalus — I like them being headcanoned as best friends. I think someone like Regulus and someone like Pandora being friends works really well. Annoyed loser x whimsical loser.

Regulily — I think they would've been good friends in a muggle au. Their biting sarcasm and annoyance at everyone would be bestie material. I also accept Jegulily.