#this is. the very short version
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was there ever a time their relationship status WAS in question? I watched them in like 2010 but stopped paying attention until BIG so I missed everything
LOL this is potentially the funniest possible phannie journey. you essentially left right before everything blew the fuck up and returned as it settled like, oh hi sorry did i miss anything?
but i mean, yes. yes it was very much in question. once they properly blew up and the vday video leaked (events that, unfortunately for them, pretty much coincided) dan freaked the FUCK out and was mr heterosexuality i-don't-know-what-gay-people-are for a year or two. to the point where he was honestly a bit of a cunt for awhile, but in hindsight it's like.. that's fair. i mean, it wasn't, because he'd play along and be like lolol yea me and phil are a bit gay lol and then suddenly did a 180 like everyone kill yourselves for even thinking it ! but it all makes a lot of sense, it's fine, boy was having a sexuality crisis to end all crises and got very famous very quickly all at the same time. and everyone who made him famous was breathing down his neck asking if he sucks dick. not a great time.
this was 2012, and as any seasoned phannie will know that year is infamous lmao. a lot of it was just phannies making shit up, tbf, but also a lot of it stemmed from very real shit. like, you can TELL the vibe was off. it's pretty obvious things weren't all sunshine and happiness in the dan and phil household for awhile there. and this weird vibe combined with dan going on rants on tumblr kind of did irreparable damage to the phandom for awhile, because even after dan mostly got over it (by the middle of 2013 he had chilled out and was back to joking about phan etc, even if he was still sneaking in little 'im straight btw' mentions now and then) phannies were so afraid of scaring him off again it became this huuuuuge thing. like. on one hand a lot of us did think they were together, but tbh in 2013-2014 i don't think the majority did! a lot of people wanted them to be, but it wasn't like now when it's just kinda accepted that they actually are. then in 2015-2016 they got even bigger and by now there were enough new phannies who didn't experience 2012 that people were a bit more chilled out in regards to saying if they're together or not. and since then it's just kinda... kept evolving. generally as the years passed it became more of an occam's razor thing, like, statistically what's more likely, they're together (in some shape way or form) or they're, somehow, actually just friends who've always just been friends. then they came out and everyone was like oh ok then. and now we've kinda revived the discourse but this time it's a lot less dramatic
#this is. the very short version#honestly things changed month to month#its been a wild journey#answered
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Five foot something and he's royalty.
#poorly drawn odyssey#the odyssey#odysseus#I was drawing him short because it was funny. I didn't expect it to come up in the text himself.#Remember that at this point he's retelling the story to the court of Alcinous.#So him saying 'Yeah I got to ride on the best and coolest ram so I only needed one of them' sounds like he's justifying being small.#I know there are likely other interpretations of this so it's not 'canonical' per say#but I didn't think my goofy short lump of misery parody version of ody was going to be...well...closer that expected.#By they way if you are a lover of sopping wet men - read the Odysssey.#So far he has solved 90% of his problems by wailing and sobbing so pathetically until people give up and help him out.#(sadly I am out of chronological order with the comics I wanted to post...next one WILL be the nausicaa comic I promise.#I've been very sick and swamped with work so comics are hard to do...I'm keeping my chin up though! I'll be slow but I'll do it!)
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Regular Abyssal Hunter downtime activities
#Sorry I haven't posted in ages!#I didn't die my spirit was just wrung out completely leaving me an empty ruined husk#What is the heterosexual explanation for the whole Abyssal Hunter situation#I survived grad school but I came back Wrong#I still know very little about AK but I have read some short stories and now my hollow soul has been filled with AK content#More to come#I want to draw more debauched stuff actually#pixel#digital art#pixel art#artists on tumblr#arknights#art#Skadi#Specter#Andreanna#Alt version later perhaps?
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Transcript:
Gabriel : Please, council. I know I failed you, but surely there's another way besides turning me into a marketable plushie?
No!
AAAAAHHHHH-*Squeak*
This is my lowest point, but I know it can't get worse from here.
Who's that? Someone approaches! Perhaps they could help me?
You! Listen, I need you to get me out of here.
What is that claw descending upon me?
No!
EGH-*Squeak* It squeezes me pretty tight!
Agh, oh it's carrying me to the exit. Thank heaven!
It's about to- *Squeak* AGH! Oh!
You had missed, fuck!
Try- try it again.
Come on I know you have another quarter, yes?
Yes, try it again, yes.
Okay, this time I'm out.
I'm out! I'm- *Squeak* AGHHH!
AW YOU FUCK.
V1 : YAYYY.
Gabriel : SUCH A- JUST BREAK THE GLASS.
FUCKIN' IDIOT.
Audio source
#ultrakill#gabriel ultrakill#this was annoying to edit because of the music 😭I tried#his endless torment - being picked up and dropped just short of the exit#also V1 is there and its probably the one controlling the claw#very sporadic posting will continue for uh idk how long#I have not had time to edit#if this sounds like 2 different clips stuck together (especially the no effect version)#its because he started the request without the filter lol#cant these 2 flirt normally#oddly specific rp happening here#of course gabe ends up inside of a claw Machine. typical.
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cassie sandsmark star jorts from issue #23 of yj98 you have always been famous to me
(before pic + additional photos and unnecessary ramblings under the cut)
I made these jorts in 22 hours over the course of 3 days! pure willpower via my love for cassie sandsmark because I am a total novice in sewing and i am still not very good at it. (i really just combined various tutorials and improvised on measurements and then regretted improvising measurements later on).
I thrifted these jeans last year for cassie vibes (even though I had already made her star-spangled red bellbottoms at that point) and wasn't a fan of how they fit + I couldn't figure out how to style them. I enjoyed sewing in the panels to flare them out and then everything else (cargo pockets and sewing in stars) was hell <3
the pockets are not placed well (nor are they particularly well-made), the hem is uneven, the stars are quite janky (and I think I stitched on too many), I probably stabbed my fingers a million times, and I am so in love with them
#these jorts are stained with the blood of my incapabilities but its okay because theyre already red#what should i conquer next in the cassie sandsmark wardrobe#as of current i have made: her GIRL necklace + her red star earrings + her wonder girl shirt (crop t-shirt version)#+ as aforementioned- her red bellbottoms#all of the above aside from the red bellbottoms were made for my halloween costume last year#the red bellbottoms were made last summer just bc i already had red bellbottoms that i never wore#none of the above really cycle through my everyday wardrobe#but i'm hoping these shorts will be an exception!#(i also have a very similar fit to what she wears in issue 22 of yj98- light green polo + dark blue baggy jeans)#(will probably just make an oversized ww shirt to go with my lightwash jorts for a baby cassie look.)#(should i be looking for a denim vest too... i can put a wonder woman patch on it...)#cassie sandsmark#wonder girl#cassandra sandsmark#young justice#yj98#young justice comics#wonder woman#dc#dc comics#soo much rambling happening in this post. sorry guys i've spent the last 3 days in hyperfocus mode and now i need release
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I made a few new wax seal stamps out of clay (like the ones I did for my worldbuilding stuff forever ago), this time just of random symbols that I thought might look good done in the style of painting over the raised part of the wax or etc. :0c Some of them aren't carved deep enough to really show up that well, but overall they worked okay for being clay lol
#wax seal#crafts#wax stamp#stationery#Window one is kind of stinky.. I was imagining like a swirly night sky sort of looking thing so it would be a surreal contrast of a night#sky with a window in the middle that shows a daytime sky - but the silver and purple wax kind of mixed too much together#with the black and it just looks very plain black and not all that starry or anything hjbhj.. Of course the eye is probably my favorite#since all I ever do is draw eyes and still like eye imagery for some reason. The four leaf clover is very lumpy and skrunkty but also it wa#the smallest in size out of all of them so was easier to do multiple stamps of just to try it out.#The heart with eyes wax is actually more swirly in person. I wanted it to be a mix of light pink and red and white. and the wax#did kind of all blend together but in person you can definitely see MORE of the intentional swirlyness. in this it just looks plain pink.#I was going to do one eye in the heart but it looked weird. but now two seems too plain. i could have done 3?? in a pattern.. hmm#alas. I wish I could make actual metal ones. With the clay i have to paint them in a thin layer of olive oil before stamping because#otherwise the wax just kind of gets stuck in the grooves of the clay and then you can't pull it up. Very wacky ''unprofessional'' looking#set up where I'm hot gluing circles of sculpey clay to short stumps of a wooden dowel that I sawed apart with a serrated bread knife#and then using an old paintbrush to put olive oil on them whilst holding a spoon over a yankee candle flame hjbjh#ANYWAY.. I think if I were middle class/rich/etc. this would be one of the main things in my crafting room is like.. SO many colors#of wax. and all different custom made stamps designed by me. which could be much more elaborate in actual metal.. muahaha.... >:)c#RHGghhh... I actually don't want to talk much about it since (this is probably just my Obsessed With My Own World Artist Delusions) I#think I have a really cool idea for a game that could genuinely be successful if i ever get to make it and I don't want to give#everything away and spoil the whole plot/concept in hopes that one day I can actually do it - BUT - a game that I'd like to make after the#visual novel I'm making now has partially to do with the main character working as a sort of writer/scribe/artist assistant in an elven#city (set in my world/with my worldbuilding species and versions of elves and etc) and I was thinking of maybe incorporating#somehow being able to collect little writing type items like these like.. you can get different wax seal patterns or pens or etc. when I do#stuff like this in Real Life it always makes me think of that like.. ouh... this is good research.. what it shall be like to be a littol#elf collecting wax seals and such.. indeed... GRR i need to be finished with my current game NOWWW... i MUST work on other#thingss... aughh... ANYWAY.. yay. accomplishment to do One Single Thing other than Sit In The Summer Heat And Rot#though also hilarious as this was the first cool-ish day that was below 80F in a while hgvh#waking up like 'wow.. i actually feel okay today?? like I could do things?? how mysterious.. I wonder why..?? :0'' Its The Weather You Fool#Tis Always The Weather
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It wasn’t on my 2024 bingo card that I’d draw V again. Anyway I’ll go ahead ramble in the tags
#devil may cry 5#dmc5#dmc v#so I’ve replayed dmc5 a stupid amount of times since March#but to be fair it’s a very short game#but I’ve developed a hobby of trying to connect dots between v and Vergil#cuz the detail is actually so good#for instance even how he holds the cane is similar to how he handles Yamato#his expressions are so alike but it’s not obvious#but then I thought#why is vergil’s humanity some dweeb who is like 20 something#he is like closest age wise to his dmc3 version#(this has probably been answered but I wanted to figure it out myself)#then I remembered the line from v about how his humanity has finally returned#so has it been subdued and dormant ever since he got imprisoned by mundus#and is that why his humanity resembles his younger self#cuz the human vulnerable side of him has been dead#this is the only edition of Vergil I won’t drop kick on sight#human v is a dork ass goth who has a soft squishy heart#and he can’t even kill his brother who he hates so much when given the chance#UUUGGHHHHHHHHHH#don’t even get me started about the ordeal with Nero#v tried so hard to just see him as a tool but he knows that wasn’t the case
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ok I have A Lot of thoughts about the staircase confession (well really about Edwin's whole character arc, but all roads lead to rome) but for now I just wanna say that, yes, I was bracing myself for something to go terribly wrong when I first watched it, and yes, part of me was initially worried its placement might be an uncharacteristically foolish choice made in the name of Drama or Pacing or Making a Compelling Episode of Television but at the expense of narrative sense--
But I wanna say that having taken all that into account, and watched it play out, and sat with it - and honestly become rather transfixed by it - I really think it's a beautifully crafted moment and truly the only way that arc could've arrived at such a satisfying conclusion.
And if I had to pinpoint why I not only buy it but also have come to really treasure it, I'd have to put it down to the fact that it genuinely is a confession, and nothing else.
That moment is an announcement of what Edwin has come to understand about himself, but because it takes the form of a character admitting romantic feelings for such a close friend, I think it can be very easy, when writing that kind of thing, to imbue it with other elements like a plea or a request or even the start of a new relationship that, intentionally or not, would change the shape of the moment and can quickly overshadow what a huge deal the telling is all on its own. But that's not the case here. Since it is only a confession, unaccompanied by anything else, and since we see afterward how it was enough, evidently, to fix the strangeness that had grown between him & Charles, we're forced to understand that it was never Edwin's feelings that were actually making things difficult for him - it was not being able to tell Charles about them. 'Terrified' as he's been of this, Edwin learns that his feelings don't need to either disappear completely or be totally reciprocated in order for him to be able to return to the peace, stability, and security of the relationship with which he defines his existence - and the scale of that relief a) tells us a hell of a lot about Edwin as a character and b) totally justifies the way his declaration just bursts out of him at what would otherwise be such a poorly chosen moment, in my opinion.
Whether or not they are or ever could be reciprocated, Edwin's feelings are definitively proven not to be the problem here - only his potential choice to bottle it up - his repression - is. And where that repression had once been mainly involuntary, a product of what he'd been through, now that he's got this new awareness of himself, if he still fails to admit what he's found either to himself or to the one person he's so unambiguously close with, then that repression will be by his own choice and actions.
And he won't do that. Among other things, he's coming into this scene having just (unknowingly) absolved the soul of his own school bully and accidental killer by pointing out a fact that is every bit as central to his self-discovery as anything about his sexuality or his attraction to Charles is: the idea that "If you punish yourself, everywhere becomes Hell"
So narratively speaking, of course it makes sense that Edwin literally cannot get out of Hell until he stops punishing himself - and right now, the thing that's torturing him is something he has control over. It's not who he is or what he feels, but what he chooses to do with those feelings that's hurting him, and he's even already made the conscious choice to tell Charles about them, he was just interrupted. But now that they're back together and he's literally in the middle of an attempt to escape Hell, there is absolutely no way he can so much as stop for breath without telling Charles the truth. Even the stopping for breath is so loaded - because they're ghosts, they don't need to breathe, but also they're in Hell, so the one thing they can feel is pain, however nonsensical. And Edwin certainly is in pain. But whether he knows what he's about to do or not when he says he 'just needs a tick,' a breather is absolutely not what's gonna give him enough relief to keep climbing - it's fixing that other hurt, though, that will.
Like everything else in that scene, there's a lot of layers to him promising Charles "You don't have to feel the same way, I just needed you to know" - but I don't think that means it isn't also true on a surface level. It's the act of telling Charles that matters so much more than whatever follows it, and while that might have gone unnoticed if anything else major had happened in the same conversation, now we're forced to acknowledge its staggering and singular importance for what it is. The moment is well-earned and properly built up to, but until we see it happen in all its wonderful simplicity, and we see the aftermath (or lack thereof, even), we couldn't properly anticipate how much of a weight off Edwin's shoulders merely getting to share the truth with Charles was going to be, why he couldn't wait for a better, safer opportunity before giving in to that desire, or how badly he needed to say it and nothing else - and I really, really love the weight that act of just being honest, seen, and known is given in their story/relationship.
#dead boy detectives#edwin payne#the case of the very long stairway#im sorry this really IS the short version of my thoughts i swear#i didnt want to get long and rambley backing everything up and mentioning everything else this forces me to reconsider#i just feel like i've barely interacted w this fandom and still seen quite a few odd duck takes on this moment imo#i dont think he wouldntve got the nerve to say it otherwise#(he was already going to! & if anything his new experiences in hell only cement that being the right choice)#and as much as i get what fear can do to a person i still definitely dont think he was resigned to staying in hell if charles reacted badly#i truly think he just couldnt keep it to himself any longer#the show is upfront about his escaping hell being a testament to his own strength rather than a lucky break of some sort#so i think even being on the receiving end of a rescue mission getting out still must take a lot of strength in this universe#and telling charles that definitely made him stronger/in less pain#so yeah totally necessary it happened where and when it did in my book#also i hope it doesnt sound like im being dismissive of anything charles says in this scene#but the way i see it those were all things they both already knew#so reaffirming them just adds to the idea that the act of Telling Each Other Things is what's so important here#rather than counting as a truly separate thing this conversation achieves#just my two cents
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Very silly idea I had a couple months ago + good pose practice 😜🦆
#DuckTales#Lena Sabrewing#Violet Sabrewing#Sabrewing sisters#my art#my comics#breaking the fourth wall#duckblr#for the record Vi's book is a “Top (however many) book of spices” XD#and their clothes are inspired by some of my own personal favs!#Lena's is kinda an Artemis/shuttle twist on my NASA shirt (that I totally cut the sleeves off to make a muscle tank :))#(also: Lena's little Webby bow phone charm!! 🥹💝)#Vi's shirt is based off of a shirt my bro gave me as a birthday gift#mine's of the Earth and the Moon dancing together (it's literally an Astro Dance and it makes me so happy! 😄🥰)#I gave Vi the Sun! :D#and her shorts are a very simple version of a pair of red shorts that I have that are arguably my fav pair and I call them “lava shorts”#in other happenings I ran 5.04 miles today for the first time and I am SORE but also so proud of myself bc yeah I did that! 😊❤️#anyway enjoy the sillies! XD
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He was Earth, and we were the fruit of that Earth; and though he had eaten us, he would never digest us.
#pig does art#eyestrain#eye strain#bright colors#bright colours#if you saw the other version of this no you did not !!! anyways. read ihnmaims i love that thing#its very short you can search for a pdf easily its amazing . i esp love the imagery when teds describing AM its so powerful to me#ihnmaims#ihnmaims fanart#allied mastercomputer#<- you can tell i like drawing wires. lmao
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god sid, it really is fuckin brutal out here
#VERY quick and slapdash scream edit i literally cut it short because i got SLEEPY and i'm only like four days post surgery so nobody can be#mean only really niceys okay#mine#i promise i'll make a full version someday#sidney prescott#scream#happy halloween#tumblr pls process this before i feel physically sick Please#also tatum is an icon of a best friend i love her#tw gore#tw violence
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Mysterious Lotus Casebook and Complex PTSD Representations: Part I
One of my favorite things about Mysterious Lotus Casebook is how surprisingly nuanced and unusual its portrayal of complex PTSD is. So many shows either introduce character trauma to make the character Sad and Brooding, Angry and Violent (if they’re a villain) or Hesitant to Start a Relationship (if it’s a romance), and that’s usually as in-depth as it gets. If they address the unique after effects of child abuse that lead to complex PTSD at all, it’s usually either explain why a character is a homicidal monster (which is all sorts of problematic) or it’s limited to a single phobia, which can be overcome by the Power of Love, or it’s just something that crops up occasionally for Plot and then forgotten about the rest of the time.
Mysterious Lotus Casebook gives us two deeply traumatized characters–Li Lianhua and Di Feisheng–who each have clear symptoms of complex PTSD, and yet, their cPTSD manifests completely differently because of the types of traumas that caused it and their relationships to the people causing the traumas. And their manifestations of cPTSD affect just about every level of their being, including their sense of self, their decision-making, and their relationships with others, and it includes some of the incredibly important manifestations of cPTSD that are almost never shown in media while avoiding the most insulting stereotypes!
PTSD vs cPTSD
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is an anxiety disorder caused by experiencing a single (or short lived) traumatic event (an accident, assault, medical emergency, fighting in a war, etc), where the symptoms last for longer than a month. Symptoms include things like reexperiencing the event (flashbacks), avoidance (of things related to the event), changes in mood (depression, anger, fear, etc), and issues with emotional regulation (hypervigilance–being constantly on the lookout for threats–irritability/angry outbursts, etc.).
Complex PTSD happens if someone has experienced long term, chronic/repeated trauma that induces hopelessness and no chance of escape (survivors of extended child abuse, human trafficking, domestic violence, prisoners of war, slavery, etc.). It’s also often interpersonal in ways a car crash or medical emergency is not, and is particularly linked with chronic trauma during childhood: chronic stress hormones introduce literal physical changes in a growing brain, particularly the amygdala (which processes fear), hippocampus (which is responsible for learning/memory), and the prefrontal cortex (which is responsible for executive function), so it can affect every aspect of life and also affect a child’s progression through developmental stages. In addition to these physical changes to the brain, the prolonged trauma–particularly the helplessness–distorts a child’s sense of self, the perpetrator, and the world in ways that alter their decision making, their memory, and their future relationships.
For instance, whereas a traumatic event that caused PTSD might make you depressed or not trust the person who harmed you (or to fear driving), the trauma from cPTSD might make you suicidal, blame yourself for your victimization, decide to isolate to avoid interpersonal relationships to keep from getting hurt, or become obsessed with never being harmed again.
Basically, cPTSD has the core symptoms from PTSD with some extra challenges, including issues with emotional regulation, self-concept, interruptions in consciousness, difficulties with relationships, perceptions of the perpetrator, and systems of meaning.
DFS and LLH: CPTSD Symptoms
There’s so much more to say about this than I can cover in this superficial introduction, so this will be the first of a series of metas; I’m hoping to go into more depth about some of these categories in future posts (the DFS and emotional regulation/violence one is already drafted, so stay tuned).
Difficulties with Relationships (problems with trust, communication, missing red flags): Both DFS and LLH have a history of trusting the wrong people and not trusting the right people, both in the past and in the present of the show: in the past, LLH missed the fact that SGD hated him and DFS missed the fact that JLQ was obsessed with him, and as a result, both sects were destroyed, many people died, and the two almost destroyed each other. If they had communicated with each other instead of fighting at the donghai battle, they might have realized they were being set up and could have worked together, but their difficulties with trust after perceived betrayal made that impossible for them. They both have a history of overlooking red flags in the present–DFS in particular, keeping the red-flag-personified-JLQ around despite her history of poisoning people, including himself–and they both tend to struggle with relationships in the present: LLH runs away from and/or drugs the people who care about him, and DFS sends endless mixed messages by not telling Li Lianhua most of his plans to help him.
Self-Concept (Self-hatred and self-fragmentation): Li Lianhua is basically the poster child for having a negative self concept: he has an overdeveloped sense of self-blame and responsibility, even believing he deserves to die for leading his men to their deaths, and once he learns he was manipulated and SGD was behind it all, he seems to think it’s his own fault that he was manipulated, lied to, and abused. His self-loathing is so extreme that he imagines his earlier self, Li Xiangyi, to have died, and tries as much as possible to be nothing like that earlier persona. His repeated insistence that Li Xiangyi and Li Lianhua are NOT the same person is reminiscent of the fragmentary sense of self that comes with more extreme trauma, like Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) or Other-Specified Dissociative Disorder (OSDD), where traumatic experiences are so painful that people form different alters, or differentiated self-states, that can have different names and skills and memories and identities.
Di Feisheng doesn’t have the self-hatred or guilt that LLH does, and it seems like he tries to skip over questions of self worth, blame, or hatred by focusing exclusively on staying true to his code of ethics he’s developed for himself and focusing on gaining the strength necessary to fight for his freedom from mind control and the Di Fortress. But even though he’s kept his Di name, kept his goals the same since escaping Di Fortress, and hasn’t tried to separate himself from his trauma the way LLH did with LXY, he’s even more willing than LLH to take on different identities: it’s literally one of his martial arts skills. The Bone Constriction Skill lets him become someone else for a time, whether that’s a child or Shi Hun. It fits well with his willingness to be whoever he needs to be to accomplish his goals: he’s perfectly willing to be seen as a heartless villain if it lets him protect LLH, and he’s willing to flirt with and pretend to be jealous of JLQ to get information from her, and he’s willing to be LLH’s a-Fei, both with and without his memories.
Interruptions in Consciousness (Amnesia and nightmares for Everyone): LLH and DFS both have nightmares and flashbacks/memories of traumatic events, and as mentioned above, both have interesting hints of having fragmented/fluid senses of self. They both also dissociate, or separate themselves from the present when dealing with traumatic things: LLH spaces out and gets stuck in his past memories about SGD when talking to FDB after burying SGD, and DFS dissociates from physical pain so as not to make noise both after he’s been stabbed and poisoned with Wuxin Huai and again when JLQ is torturing him in her water dungeon.
They both also have dissociative amnesia that takes away trauma memories, although one is from a poisonous incense plus the magic of qi macgyvering: LLH forgot the existence of his older brother who died in front of him, and DFS as a-Fei had just about all of his memories (except a few of killing as a child) taken away. Amnesia is a huge part of cPTSD, because it’s the brain’s way of trying to protect you from truths that you might not survive. It can manifest as blocking out one single traumatic event, a bunch of thematically or temporally linked traumatic events, a skill set related to the trauma, or, in the case of something like DID or OSDD, just about everything. It’s endlessly fascinating to me that the show gives us one example of definite traumatic amnesia through LLH, and then seems to almost transform the experience of having DID and being a new part and finding yourself with a new name and very little else into an exaggerated fantasy setting (interestingly, people often report experiencing debilitating headaches when they try to regain memories behind the amnesia barrier). I doubt this is what they were actually going for, since DID is almost universally portrayed incorrectly and offensively in media (one of the alters is almost always portrayed as a serial killer, but that’s a rant for another day), but the different names and the presence of amnesia with LLH made it a fascinating enough parallel that I had to mention it.
Problems with Emotional Regulation (Lashing in vs. lashing out): Li Xiangyi and Di Feisheng are polar opposites when it comes to struggles with emotional regulation: whereas LXY turns his anger inward, directing it all toward self-hate in what’s often called a “toxic shame spiral,” both after the donghai battle and after he finds out about SGD’s role in his shifu’s death, DFS lashes out physically at those who have harmed him, usually via choking people, although he is usually exerting an impressive amount of control over his emotions and strength. To put in perspective just how different their emotional strategies are and how much effort DFS puts into emotional regulation, compare how much more calm he is than LLH during any revelation of past betrayal or painful information, any scene where they confront the people who have abused them, or any scene where they learn they’ve been wrong about something big; LLH is most likely having an emotional flashback (re-experiencing the emotions from the earlier traumas) and DFS is probably compartmentalizing them or dissociating from them to process later/never so he can stay semi-functional and not show a potential opponent a weak spot.
NOTE: This means that DFS is loooong overdue for a very dramatic breakdown when it eventually all catches up to him and he can’t distract himself from it anymore.
Perceptions of Perpetrators: In this way only, Di Feisheng has one advantage: he knows the head of Di Fortress is a cruel, abusive tyrant. While he clearly still fears him, even as a physically strong adult (he has nightmares, flashbacks, and dedicates his life to being free from him, which means he still to some extent feels young, small, and helpless when he thinks of him), DFS knows that he hates him and wants to be free of him. This is probably part of why he’s spared some of the self-hatred LLH experiences: he knows he didn’t deserve the abuse because seeing it happen to other children means he knows the abuse wasn’t a personal reflection on him. It does, however, motivate him to want to be stronger and invulnerable so as to never be helpless again, and that obsession is what drives him to have a single-minded focus on reaching the pinnacle of the jianghu.
It’s so much more complicated for Li Lianhua (and for a more detailed analysis, check out this meta): the childhood perpetrators were manifold–a slew of bandits, whichever children and adults on the street would abuse him for existing and being poor–it probably felt like life itself was to blame. It’s no wonder that when his shifu and shiniang took him in, they were the ultimate rescuers whom he hero-worshipped, so when he felt he made a mistake and his life fell apart, he blamed himself: at least there would be someone to blame that way and something he could do about it (try to kill his past self and hate everything about him). It’s also very telling that LLH doesn’t blame JLQ or YBQ all that much when he learns they poisoned him, and that he’s more angry that SGD murdered their shifu than he is that SGD set him up, hated him, and was the real mastermind behind everything he had blamed himself for; he struggles to stay angry at people who harm him, and would rather blame and hate himself for being tricked than hate the person who tricked him. So, whereas DFS tries to destroy the people who abused him, LLH tries to destroy himself.
If you read this far, thanks! I’m probably going to be posting the DFS and emotional regulation/violence against perpetrator meta next, because it’s drafted, but if there are any of these you desperately want me to talk about more sooner rather than later, let me know! :D
#mysterious lotus casebook#mlc meta#di feisheng#li lianhua#Li Xiangyi#complex PTSD#child abuse#sorry it's so long! This is the short version#The original version was 2700 words#dissociation#trauma#I am so here for non-monolithic representations of mental illnesses#PTSD#In case you can't tell I am very invested in depictions of PTSD and cPTSD#I'm always up for talking about fictional portrayals of trauma#so feel free to message if you have questions about any of this and don't want it to be in the notes for some reason
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The use of the octatonic scale here is driving me insane, if for no other reason than that I want to know why this scale in particular was chosen, because it is a deliberate decision. (I have a whole post ready to go with some bat-shit music theory (over)analysis that I may or may not put up later today).
#hello there#book of bill#book of bill spoilers#sorry guys the music professor in me can't let this one go#and no it has nothing to do with the gravity falls theme song which very much does not use this scale#the rhythm makes sense that IS the opening rhythm to the theme's main motive#musician bullshit#there's probably no real reason but i indulged myself this morning#plus it's a cool scale#ANYWAY#can you tell the fall semester is creeping closer hahahahahah#damn i wish i was teaching the upper level class where i could use this graphic but we don't get to octatonic this semester#anyway the short version of my long drafted post is 'Petroushka Chord' and all the implications that come from that
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Hi stump! Can I request an Imp and Skizz?
25.
"It's called a skumpass! :D Stand for Skizzleman��🏻 compass!🕺🏻"
"W-"
from this post
#where was the cut version of that short..? im guessing in the podcast#i just saw it one day and found it the most hilarious thing to ever exist#perfectly cut questions №46. i love it very much#skizzleman#impulsesv#imp and skizz#artstump#answeringstump
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I'm very tired but plz get this:
The Marauders do a group costume for Halloween (they always do). They chose Little Red Riding Hood. The cast is as follow:
→ Remus as Little Red Riding Hood (he didn't get a choice);
→ Sirius as the Hunter (promise it's a fake axe but real abs);
→ James as the Grandma (he's rocking the nightdress, also already had the glasses);
→ Peter as the Wolf (he would get a furrsuit just to be more authentic if he could).
#hp#marauders#hc#peter and james tossed a coin to choose#i'll let you decide who won#they all think they're very funny btw#i would draw this if i had drawing skills#well better drawing skills than what i got#remus lupin#sirius black#james potter#peter pettigrew#they can do the cheap version of their costume#the classic#and also the sexy version#someone tried to veto the sexy version bc the skirt was too short but he got outvoted (sorry remus)#i'm very tired. i'm silly on main. thank u.#rambles of my soul
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timeloop where it starts with zam trapped under mapicc about to die. it resets each time. each loop lasts only a couple seconds, just a small period of time before he's killed and put back in that same spot, with nothing he can do.
#thought about how fucked a very short timeloop would be ^-^#theres also a version of this where mapiccs in the same loops#only his doesnt reset with zam. he goes through more and never realizes zam is looping too#he thinks he has to kill everyone to get out lolzzzz#rambles#cat posting#devotion posting#princezam#lifesteal
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