#this is why the quality of representation and not just seeing a face that looks like yours is important

[navillee]

hiii i've been an avid fan of your tumblr hehe and i've been meaning to request you this >< so we know that zayne is a teetotaler but BUT do you perhaps have any ideas/headcanons on how he would act if he's drunk? bet he can get drunk with just a sip of an alcohol and be a clingy mess towards mc 🤤

Oh, sweetie, it will be a pleasure to tell you Zayne has different dimensions depending on the levels of alcohol on his blood. The facade of his demure behavior would start presenting fissures, escalating to a total decay.

❆ Level 1 tipsy Zayne ࿐

• As a person who's not into any sort of vice — despite being ready to fight a god just so he can get laid by his woman every life possible, that doesn't count — Zayne only drink alcohol at social gatherings, more specifically, when someone makes a toast or when his colleagues bother to insist;

Zayne doesn't drink for two reasons: he thinks alcohol is very much overrated — sugar taste better 100% of the time, it doesn't need to keep forcing ingestion to start feeling palatable — and second of all, he's terrified of not being able to control his own mind;

But surprisingly, when he participates in a toast or just gives a little sip on some drink, he doesn't lose composure at first. Rather than that, he feels even more shy. He's trying too hard not to sink into the suave fluttering sensation that small sip of champagne/wine gave him;

He feels like he's committing a sin. How dare him? Making himself so vulnerable to his own profane thoughts, lingering into his brain like a sweet, sweet poison, making his eyes remain seconds more on your frame at the other side of the room;

He's a sinner. His pure as the driven snow facade falling abruptly from grace when he realized he's already unable to control his body temperature. That evil poison flows through his blood, making he feel so hot. It's like the room is gradually turning into a representation of hell, where sinners like him belong to;

The things gotten even worse when you approached him again, randomly giving him praises such as "pretty" or "handsome" just because he's wearing a suit you picked out for him. Oh, that heat comes up from his torso to his ears and cheeks. He's not the confident demure Zayne anymore. That's why he can't look into your eyes like the sober version of himself. He's just a corrupted shadow from a twisted world where everything is just in flames, and he's not able to control his own body temperature nor face you;

Make sure to make him look into your eyes, watch that needy glimmer on his eyes while his cheeks and neck turn into a pretty shade of red. He'll try to avoid you, but again, the warm feeling is so good that he knows that he physically needs to let the control go at some point;

He wants to let go. But would you accept him as your devoted? When all he is, is nothing but a dirty sinner?

❆ Level 2 tipsy Zayne ࿐

That's a level further, that, just as level 3, only you had witnessed. It's already rare to see level one tipsy, so you got surprised when you watched that dimension of Zayne blooming in front of you;

It usually happens when you two go out together to a new restaurant, especially the ones that have Italian or French cuisine, the ones that offer high-quality wine cellar. When you got sweet-grape-based alcohol drink and a doctor's sweet teeth together, you know, because the next day is his day off, that you're the one driving Zayne home tonight;

It takes the right conditions for him to get himself that tipsy; it's like seeing a double rainbow or else;

Tipsy Zayne is the dictionary's definition of a simp;

If he was already crumbling on level one, at level two, he's a whole new demeanor. That's the level he's not able to hold his thoughts — and tongue — anymore, so even though he's still a blushing mess, he will share with you how needy he truly is;

Zayne will compliment you, confess that the fact you didn't send him any sort of message/meme/emoji during his shift got him worried and upset, would reveal how many times he thought of you that day...he just will keep mumbling in simp language;

"Mamit- Manipja***...that's a word. learned last week? ...can't remember. It'sooo trusfating...I feel that every.time. we'retogether." *intensively blushes while looking deep into your soul. Looks away, all blushed and randomly change the topic.*

Will land you his coat anyway cause this man can lose an arm he'll still be top tier gentleman;

Zayne would grab your hand from the other side of the table and kiss it, rubbing his cheeks on the palm of your hand. It's a sign to head home;

The last time you delayed heading home when he start doing that hand kissing thing you two ended up fucking in the car;

Zayne is more desperate when he's like that. He always gets this urge under control when he's sober. However when he's tipsy, his beggingmometer would have a lower resistance;

Entering his home, stumbling on every corner, not knowing if it is the alcohol effect of the heat of the lustful kiss you're both sharing that's making his mind so foggy;

"Hmm...oh, fuck~~ᝰ.ᐟ𖹭ֶֶֶָָָ֢֢֢ Let me kneel, yeah? P-please let me kneel for you? I-i promise will be a good boy~ᝰ.ᐟ"

He would get more vocal, moaning depravedly, mumbling sweet nothings and revealing how much perverted thoughts he has;

Zaynw would get overwhelmed more easily, so he probably will cry during sex by how good it feels, and he can't take anymore orgasm denials;

It would be a total mess at the end, but a total cuddly boyfriend, asking for praises and drooling all over your collarbones at the aftercare;

Zyane would be an adorable vulnerable needy mess that deserves all the love and praise.

❆ Zayne Drunk level ࿐

It was only once in your lifetime that you witnessed this side of Zayne. And you never want to see it again, at least not at the setting of events that make it occur;

It was when you both had given at time to your relationship, not knowing exactly if you two would actually come back to each other. You and Zayne had broken up in some bad terms after a huge argument involving jealousy at work environment, plus you being wreckless as a hunter;

Two weeks after the break up, you decided to get back your things that still remained on his house;

When you entered his house — you still had the extra keys with you — you couldn't witness something more unexpected: the house that used to be all tidy up all the time was in a state of calamity. Zayne's dress clothes remained on the couch or careless on the floor, unwashed. There's work papers on every table surface possible, together with some high alcoholic elixir bottles here and there. All empty.

When you heard erratic steps walking towards you, you turned around to see Zayne failing his own gravity center when he tried to get closer. He was in a pitiful condition, the puffy red eyes announcing he probably had been crying or severely sleep deprived;

When he saw you, his eyes lighted up, and he desperately fell into his knees, begging forgiveness;

Even when he's on his most pathetic self, Zayne would never forget to kneel to you. After two weeks of trying to distract his mind, exhausting himself with work and alcohol, all he wanted was to have you back into his life again. He couldn't bear the idea of his life without your presence. So he cried and begged, and you hugged him, petting his hair, comforting him. He trembled on your embrace, warm tears soaking your neck as you, just like magic soothed him down. Poor doctor, bad as handling alcohol just as not being on mc's loving arms.

*** mamihlapinatapai: word to describe the feeling to people have when they're staring each other face a face, they wanna take action, but at the same time they both know none of them will make a move.

[bohemian-nights]

👏🏽

Adultification of all HotD Girls and the infantilization of Rhaenyra.

Two scenes in HotD really bug me with how the characters acknowledge Rhaenyra as a child when she’s 18, but then go on to marry and impregnate girls younger than 18.

Viserys call Rhaenyra, “just a girl” when Daemon takes her to the brothel. He doesn’t use the world woman, he uses girl, denoting Rhaenyra as not an adult at this point in her life. By Visery’s logic, he married a child. Alicent was only 14/15 when he married her and only 17 when she become a mother twice over.

Daemon also cause Rhaenyra, “just a child” when she’s says he abandoned her after her wedding. Daemon then goes on to flirt with a 15/16 year old Laena at the wedding and marrying her soon after.

The adultification of Laena is much worse than characters in text acknowledging people older than her as kids. Laena is played by two actresses that are about ten years older than Laena’s canon age. This also isn’t just a case of adults playing teens, the show has set Rhaenyra and Alicent as the standard for what a 14 through 18/19 year old and 28 through 34 year olds looks like. Laena’s actresses are older than Rhaenyra and Alicent’s Actors and Actresses. This is a classic example of black girlhood being earesed in text and out of. Laena goes from a clear 12 year old who is very visually much younger than Rhaenyra and Alicent to being a near adult woman who looks about the same age, if not older than the other girls. Laena is also styled in much more mature clothing than we see any other character in. Even Alicent’s “sex dresses” are much more reserved than Laena’s gold dress.

We also have the same thing happening to Laena’s daughters, Baela and Rhaena. In text they should be 16 or younger but their actresses are older than Jace’s actor. The only upside is that the two are not visually sexualized and aged up as teen Laena was.

In conclusion, HotD in text shows the absurdity of Viserys and Daemon viewing Rhaenyra as a child while pressing girls younger than she was at the time. The show tries to erase the clear adultification of Laena. The show engages in a lot of anti black stereotypes and I am not looking forward to how they’ll treat Nettles.

Disclaimer: I am not a WOC or a POC, if anything I wrote is wrong please correct me. My goal is to learn and advocate for better representation in media for all gender, races, ethnicities, and sexual orientation.

Blogs I recommend you follow if you want to read more about how HotD fails women and people of color: @bohemian-nights @venusintheblindspots-blog @mejcinta @sunnysideaeggs

[inkdragon1900]

No cause there is genuinely something heartbreakingly tender about how Louis decides to let go of Ghostat after choosing to not burn Armand’s photo after REALLY looking at it.

There’s a gorgeous metaphor there that by focusing on what’s no longer there he’s missing Armand’s vulnerability. Hence him telling the art critic earlier in the episode that his interpretation of Armand based on the photo was wrong.

That is until Armand takes him to the art museum and opens up about his trauma and how he hates his job and how he doesn’t know who he is truly outside of these things because they are all he has known. Then later on when Louis is facing the photo again he can see fully what this relationship is to Armand.

The entire episode Armand wants to know what they are but Louis having been traumatized by his last relationship of course is not going to jump right back into a committed relationship with a powerful vampire with sooo much power.

But Armand freely offers the vulnerability that Louis had to fight tooth and nail out of Lestat.

Lestat doesn’t tell Louis about his trauma from his creation as a vampire until it’s something that’s in the way of him being allowed back into Louis’ life. By Armand proving that he is different from Lestat, that he wants this relationship, that he would choose Louis over power. It leaves the ball in Louis court to choose if he wants this as well.

The bench scene is perfect in every sense of the word. The heartbreaking goodbye to ghostat being a representation of Louis letting go of his grief over all of Lestat’s best qualities and the things he misses about their relationship. By doing this and grieving that he’s allowing himself to commit to his relationship with Armand by later on the bench acknowledging Armand’s vulnerability from earlier in the episode by calling him Arun and Armand answering by referring to Louis with a title of power and respect.

He even is vulnerable back by saying he’s not an artist.

But Louis was wrong.

Because he is. He has the eye.

The reason why the photo is his best piece is not just because he caught a moment of what lies under Armand’s coven leader persona but also because it captured Louis’ grief in it as well. It’s a work of art because he truly captured all three subjects, the mind of the artist behind the lens, the vunerable paramour and the absent focal point.

Louis deepest struggle is vulnerability it’s why he couldn’t tell Lestat he loved him. It’s why he reacts with anger when he’s critiqued by the art critic.

It’s why the interview failed in the 70s it will most likely be why he attacked Daniel after Daniel said “you don’t even understand the meaning of your own story.”

Louis could be a great artist if he allowed his own vulnerability to show.

The interview can be a success if he allows his vulnerability to show.

[james-spooky]

Eddie Diaz and the Phenomenon of Queer Representation

A post to organise my thoughts ahead of the rest of the season and to really get this off my chest! (Spoilers for 9-1-1) (It’s long and I will inevitably have more thoughts about things I failed to mention)

Within queer representation in media, there’s a certain expectation that audiences have been conditioned to accept, including the omission of any representation at all. This has led to many non-canon ships being popularised in fandoms in an attempt to obtain agency surrounding queer media. One of these such head canons is Eddie Diaz from 9-1-1 who is largely speculated to be gay. This is sort of an essay and sort of me rambling on.

Picking up in Season 8, Episode 1, Eddie’s been trying for three months so keep his shit together and try to stay in contact with his son in the wake of the whole emotionally-cheating-with-the-doppelgänger-of-your-deceased-wife situation. I think the birthday zoom was really the beginning of his breakdown. To keep all of this inside him it way too much for someone to handle. He is going to break at some point with the stress. Not only that but as others have pointed out, Helena and Ramon are not actively participating in the reconnection of their son and their grandchild. This ties into their long-term goal which has been present across multiple seasons to be Christopher’s sole caregivers, without any acknowledgment of Eddie. To me it looks like he’s been trying to put on a brave face for his kid and sort of suppress everything (as he always does) to try and be a better father. But you can’t be that person if you’re not taking care of yourself; not necessarily “putting yourself first”, not in a selfish way but genuinely having self-love and a certain assuredness, something which Eddie doesn’t appear to have pinned down. I can definitely see him being introspective this season and forced to deal with quite literally everything that’s ever happened to him and to actually process that and who he really is. Ergo, realising his sexuality.

Tim said that the episode six thing was one of his favourite moments in the show, is actively excited for us to see it, is the episode where the “reason for the moustache” is “explicitly stated”; genuinely what else could this be other than gay Eddie. I cannot think of a reason personally. Other than “religion” which I don’t is a path they’d go down; I cannot come up with another reason for why they’re being so vague about it.

This is exactly the same thought process I went through pre-s7. I wrote down all my thoughts and analysis on those articles and Buck’s arc, coming to the conclusion that there could be no other outcome other than Buck being bisexual. Before s7 there were lots of articles about Buck and they all had that same sort of strange wording surrounding his storylines that season. E.G: “a season of self-discovery for Buck”, describing him getting off that “hamster wheel” of failed relationships. Whether or not you believe that he has achieved that is beside the point; the point is that, the vague quality to them which alluded his storyline going in a particular direction is happening yet again. Ryan has the exact same thing happening now, if not more with the majority of the season’s promo being his moustache. This is pattern recognition if I’ve ever seen it. Truly, due to the sheer amount of promo and interviews there have been, in my mind I don’t see another reason for why this would be, other than Eddie having a large and pivotal storyline this season.

It’s not just “about buddie”. When people pin down a character’s sexuality to purely the ship they’re in, it annoys me because it’s genuinely about the storyline and Eddies character arc. Yes, these headcanons have stemmed from the ship and obviously if they were to go down this route, the ship would most likely be a by-product of this discovery, but it’s not the priority. It may be an end goal, but what about the journey? It’s more than ship wars or trying to one up each other. For me personally, it would be so beneficial to his character to go in this direction. Not even just for his character but for the show and representation in general. What other show on a major network would have a character who’s been on the show for multiple seasons, had relationships with women, a wife, a child, religious traumas, PTSD, grief, catholic guilt and then having a gay awakening in their eighth season? None. How many have had strong platonic male relationships? A lot. Honestly, I don’t interact with those people who whittle down Eddie having a queer realisation or the possibility of Buddie being canon as “erasing platonic male friendships”. I simply don’t buy into that and my reaction towards those people who use that argument is just “Point me towards a show where (the written above happens)” and you can’t. Because it hasn’t happened. Not only that but queer ships in mainstream shows are notorious for “queer-baiting” and not “going canon”. I could name numerous shows where this has happened all to the dismay of a large percentage of the audience. In my experience in fandoms with popular queer ships, (majority mainstream shows with non-explicitly queer characters) I cannot think of a single time where they have been confirmed in canon. To me, this would be a huge step in the right direction for queer media as a whole. Of course, we cannot deny the massive impact that Buck being canonically bisexual last season has had and I commend ABC, the writers and Tim for bringing that to our screens. It was so heartfelt and truly amazing to watch. However, in terms of fandom and popular ships, it’s a little different. I’m in no way disregarding bi Buck, but rather exploring the impact that having a popular queer ship becoming canon would have on other media and the audience in general.

As queer audiences, we are so often let down with the directions that tv shows and film take in regard to their queer-coded characters. It’s become normalised to expect disappointment over seeing a popular pairing actually become “canon” within the text itself.

I’m aware that queer-baiting is definitely different than simply having queer-coded characters, however the two often come hand in hand. There is a misconception, in my opinion that “going woke is going broke”. I think that yes, having queer elements or characters in media definitely effect the reception and reaction, especially online from the general audience. This has happened time and time again and because the negative reaction is so loud, it drowns out any of the positive ones, forcing media companies to pull back in fear of losing money or audience. They want to be seen as “impartial” as a large percentage of audiences are bigoted but by removing any conversation surrounding queer representation in media, it immediately becomes biased and panders towards the people who shout the loudest. Queer people know all too well that on social media, it can be hard to avoid the rampant bigoted views that are shared so violently towards marginalised communities. Companies are so fearful of the backlash towards queer characters, that they won’t even have them at all, regardless of whether it would be classified as “good” or “positive” representation.

In my experience with fandoms with popular queer ships, when the show is still airing there’s this sense of hope that we cling to that it might “turn out different this time” and the character or characters might actually end up canonically queer or together. And every time, it ends the same. And even if they are confirmed queer, the “bury your gays” trope swoops in before it can truly be explored. As a collective, we tend to self-deprecate in order to deal with it but it’s actually quite a damaging thing. It reinforces the idea that queer characters and storylines are not of merit or valued in mainstream media. This turns into a vicious cycle of queer-coded characters staying queer-coded and never becoming canon as that’s how far the media company producing the show is willing to go. They are not willing to take it a step further and explicitly show queer characters having agency and a place in media as this will result in backlash. Additionally, even when we are given queer characters, a lot of the time there is a lack of depth or exploration of their queerness, almost as if it doesn’t exist. For example, Loki’s genderfluidity and bisexuality is canon and confirmed but a large amount of people who were invested in this, were disappointed to see it not having any effect on his storylines at all due to Marvel as a distribution company whose audience, or rather, targeted audience is largely cisgender, straight men. Therefore, queer audiences typically already have an expectation going into a show with a queer ship; it will most likely never happen. I’ve seen first-hand people who actively don’t partake in these shows in order to avoid being disappointed and it hurts me to think that queer people have obtained this way of thinking in regard to media. That we know it’s not going to happen so we either avoid it or watch it with the miniscule hope that something will happen. And even if it does, the show will most likely get cancelled after the first season in the name of “watch hours”, (despite how dedicated or prevalent the fandom may be, dead boy detectives, IANOWT, first kill etc.) once again solidifying the belief that queer characters or stories are not worth the time, money or value that heterosexual ones are. This causes queer media to have a lack of funding and marketing, essentially dooming them to crash and burn. It’s like building a house made of paper and then blaming the weather on its destruction.

So no, I don’t believe that “going woke is going broke” as I have personally indulged in many shows and films due to the sheer prospect that there might be a queer character or couple. Too many times, I’ve binged several seasons of a show (in an alarmingly short amount of time I may add) purely because there is a popular ship/one of the characters might be queer – emphasis on might. It is due to the fear of these media companies that queer shows and film are immediately disadvantaged straight out the gate. However, I do see there has been a change. Obviously, there are many popular queer shows that have been given chances such as Heartstopper and Interview With The Vampire. To me, this clearly shows that queer storylines and characters, showing diversity and marginalised communities does bring audiences and value (as we ourselves know) and it’s purely the skewed bigotry which overtakes the reception and influences the production of media.

Additionally, when bi Buck went canon, the sheer disbelief of queer audiences that it happened at all, to me showed the standards that we’re used to. We’re so used to not having that, that when it does happen, we’re actively surprised by it. Obviously, 9-1-1 in particular has showcased many queer characters before and continues to do so, however this was different as Buck was a previously established character for six seasons and so to have a sexuality arc for someone later in life was definitely a huge moment for bisexual representation in television.

For Eddie, if Tim is doing this storyline, he is right in the approach he’s taken. I’ve talked before about how they weren’t sure whether it was going to be Buck or Eddie having this queer storyline in Season 7… To me that’s basically confirmation of queer Eddie, right? Well, not necessarily “confirmation” but the fact that he was even considered at all for this storyline solidifies his queer-coding to me and that we aren’t all “delusional” for recognising it. I’ve said before but it makes so much sense for Buck to essentially “go first” by having him realise he’s bi and come out in S7 because it was a very different way of doing it, as you would have with Eddie. Buck is very sure of himself as a person and for him it’s something that was always there, but he never realised it and he’s quick to accept it! There’s no tortured Buck struggling with his sexuality (unless of course you count the basketball scene) it’s relatively smooth in the sense that he’s not having a breakdown over it; it’s just his relationship that’s rocky and provides those hurdles. This was refreshing to see as it can often be an expectation that the queer character in the show is negatively affected by their queerness. However, with Eddie, it wouldn’t make sense for him to have that arc in season 7 itself. Partly because it had 10 episodes which would not do it enough justice, and because Eddie already had a lot to unpack. For instance, his whole season 7 storyline was surrounding his deceased wife which was just the start of his journey. Even many seasons later, he is still grappling with the effects of his grief on him and Christopher. Everything is much deeply rooted in him, as is everything in his backstory.

His whole begins episode and all of the backstory we see of him, is him trying to be someone he’s not/who he thinks he should be. He was trying to be a big brother turned parent for his sisters when his parents wouldn’t. He’s trying to be a good father at nineteen, he’s trying to conform to the hegemonic standard of masculinity by marrying Shannon (pressured by the church as she got pregnant young) he enlists because he’s trying to provide for his family even though he doesn’t realise that it’s actually hurting them instead, he’s trying to keep custody of Chris from his parents who only see Chris as a “do-over” for Eddie. Eddie trying his best and get a job to provide for his son. Him doing anything his can for Chris. Shannon coming back, dating her again for Chris - despite the fact that Shannon wanted a divorce (and then died). Eddie dating Chris’ teacher who he loves but Eddie doesn’t. Again, for Chris. He’s always doing things for other people. His parents, Chris, his partners, but never for himself. We’ve seen him spiral before into his fighting arc; that was something he did for himself in a sense, but it was only because he didn’t know how to properly regulate all the pain and grief he was feeling! He’s a single father trying so hard to be the very best he can for everyone around him, to live up to “what it means to be a man” pushing down any emotionally vulnerability until he inevitably snaps. The church, his catholic guilt! This affects him in numerous ways - religious wiring quite literally effects the ways you think about everything and internalise the things that happen to you. Kim was something he did for himself, but it still tied to everything else and his grief. Because of all this, no wonder you wouldn’t be able to fit his gay awakening into a 10-episode season… Eddie requires more time and thought behind what he’s going to have to face and process by himself. For the first time, he is truly alone with his thoughts and is faced with who he is. Outside of his parents, outside of Chris, Shannon, the army, the church, the 118, he is discovering who he truly is, not what anyone else or any institution expects him to be. And this is why, it’s gonna take a lot out of him and is a much different storyline to the one that Buck went through.

Everyone’s sexuality realisation/coming out is different and I really can’t imagine Eddie going through the arc that Buck went through so I think it was a good decision to go with Buck for Season 7. Eddie has so much more to deconstruct and process in order to accept or even just realise his attraction to men, however that plays into his relationship with Buck. And even more so, his lack of attraction to women.

Honourable mention of “I’m broken. I’m broken and I can’t fix it,” being said in his conversation with Kim which is a heavily queer coded statement, as this is a concept that is frequent in the queer community of thinking you’re broken due to your identity. I’d genuinely be surprised if this is not the direction they’re going as there’s so many moments like this with Eddie across the seasons (cough dating feeling like a performance cough) especially this one, which just stand out and heavily resonate with queer audiences. I’d say if they don’t, it’s a huge missed opportunity and character assassination to be honest. I care so deeply about Eddie and he’s such a complex character, it annoyingly makes me mad when people undermine him or pin him down to one thing as if multiple things can’t be true at the same time. I know he’s a fictional character and in reality, it’s not that deep but when people undermine his queer-coding or deny it, it feels like denying a whole group of people’s experiences akin to his.

So, the “emotional reason” behind the moustache in my mind, would definitely link to the idea that Eddie has clung possibly extra hard to his perceived idea of what masculinity is to him/what it’s expected to be. Yes, the style of moustache is engrained in queer culture, but I think that it’s more so an accessory which he’s using to overcompensate for his queerness, (consciously or not). I’m relating this to one of my favourite queer films, Maurice, as in that movie facial hair, specifically moustaches play a significant role in displaying the characters attitudes towards their queerness without explicitly saying them. Maurice and Clive both go through phases of having a moustache, with Maurice first when he is in a period of reluctance towards his sexuality. He’s the more accepting of the two, so it doesn’t last long. However, as Maurice moves out of this phase and begs Clive to stay with him and be together, Clive transitions into that position and denies Maurice’s claims that they could be happy somewhere together. He clings to the traditional ideals of marriage and heterosexuality, as is the norm in 1910’s England, trying to bring an end to the whole affair. Later, when Clive announces he’s engaged to be wed to a woman, he has a moustache and continues to have this moustache for the rest of the film, showing how he’s never going to accept himself for who he is, and is using this to conceal his emotions. The moustache here, represents hiding your true self and repressing your desires, acting as a “mask”. This to me, is very reminiscent of how Eddie appears with his moustache, and I wouldn’t be surprised if they ended up with the same metaphorical reasoning.

In the first episode (the only episode that’s currently out), we saw that Gerrard approves of his moustache, himself being the typical masculine archetype that Eddie may believe himself to be or believes that he should be. Not that Eddie wants to be like Gerrard; of course not, he’s a bigot. It’s that portrayal of masculinity which ties into how he was brought up, and the ideals of the catholic church surrounding gender roles and sexuality. I thought this direct comparison was interesting between them as Eddie is definitely doing this for approval if not from others, but from himself that “this is who he is” when in reality it’s not. In my interpretation, the fact that they’ve specifically mentioned episode six as when he shaves off the moustache and has this physical manifestation of his inner demons, screams to me a queer arc for Eddie. I think there is so much potential for his character and storyline, not just for the ship he’s involved in but for himself and everyone who sees themselves in Eddie.

In conclusion, I really hope they go down this route and if they don’t, once again, it will be a huge, missed opportunity and I wouldn’t be certain where they’d go with his character if not there. This was just a chance for me to get my thoughts out, ahead of the upcoming episodes and I really hope we get to see a positive outcome for his character, whatever route they take.

[bird-inacage]

Only Friends: EP10 Ray's Therapy Scene (First Focus)

I've been meaning to do a deep dive on this scene, which has no doubt been immensely commended for Khaotung's stellar performance (I'm running out of vocabulary to gush about how talented that boy is). However the purpose of this post is to highlight how equally superb First is, as I fear some may overlook the excellent work he does here.

The reason why this scene warrants a huge amount of respect is how challenging this dynamic is on both actors. Only Ray is speaking the entire way through, which means the tone and rhythm of the scene is led by Khaotung, whilst First's role here as Sand is to be reactive to this immense outpouring and release of emotion. First is required to be a very restrained and contemplative presence - a projection and visual representation of Sand in Ray's own mind. It's literally acting on a macro (Khaotung) and micro (First) level in tandem.

I want to start by mentioning how well First portrays this bedded-in weariness in Sand’s demeanor throughout, an expression we’ve seen in Episode 8. It carries this heartbreakingly heavy and worn down quality. A symptom of a man who bears far too much weight on his shoulders, whose mental toil never seems to end; a product of his own nature and those who knowingly or unknowingly take advantage of it. This is the tragedy of Sand's character. And this is the realisation that is well and truly hitting Ray now. His temper and behaviour have inevitably taken its toll on someone Ray knows doesn't deserve all the suffering he's been putting him through.

⬆️ "I was stupid, but I want you to understand me. I was mad at you because I cared so much about you."

When Ray starts asking for forgiveness, there's an air of slightly deflated scepticism that flits across Sand's face. Sand's immediate instinct is to be hopeful, to give someone the benefit of the doubt. But the reality is Ray has apologised a number of times before and that hasn’t stopped him from hurting Sand still. So Sand’s expression sobers, conscious of how likely it is that Ray will let him down again.

This is Ray acknowledging that he's fallen into a pattern of taking Sand for granted. If that’s all Sand has come to expect, why would his apology this time change anything? Ray has not earnt his redemption yet as he hasn't apologised to Sand in person, and has no guarantee it would be accepted. Which is why he's so upset because he registers that Sand's disappointment in him is fully deserved.

⬆️ "There's no one more caring or loving than you. Though I've been nothing but an asshole to you."

You see the tiniest lift of Sand's brow that's tinged with grateful disbelief, 'Me? But I'm nothing special'. His gaze softens by the sentiment, a visible breath inhaled in as if taken aback, clearly touched but hesitant to believe it. A humbling trait of Sand's is that he genuinely struggles to see his own value. He doesn't realise just how meaningful he can be to someone. That he could hold such weight.

And all the criticism that Ray has thrown at Sand has only piled onto the insecurities he possesses. Remarks that have questioned Sand's principles, his dignity, his sense of worth.

⬆️ "But if you don't want to put up with me anymore, that's alright. I get you."

Ray's image of Sand watches on as he begins to fall apart, crushed by a mixture of intense fear, regret, and despair that this may be too little too late. That his last outburst may well have been the final straw, and he failed to appreciate Sand when it mattered.

On the surface Sand may look numb or somewhat devoid of emotion, but you can detect the turbulence brewing underneath. Sand has a habit of holding in his feelings in to an almost painful degree (which begs for release). It gives you the impression he could suddenly burst at the seams at any given moment. But Sand as always holds still, holds strong, holds steady. Other than the slight twitch of his lip, he holds himself together somehow.

⬆️ "No one can put up with me".

Ray vocalises his own self-hatred, how little he deserves someone like Sand, how guilty he feels for causing this damage. Whilst he does so, Sand appears increasingly teary, lip ever so slightly quivering, brows crumpling. He looks like he desperately wants to break down and cry along with Ray.

What sets Sand apart from everyone else in Ray’s life is he understands. He can sympathise with why Ray is the way he is. Despite everything Ray has done, Sand still very much wants to protect him, shield him, care for him. He doesn't blame him. It breaks his heart to see Ray upset, to see Ray hurting. His compassion for Ray has always been his undoing.

The last thing he would want is for Ray to feel unwanted or intolerable. He tries to be the person who can withstand Ray's temper, his volatile nature, because he knows Ray is still deserving of love. It’s because of this love that he can feel every single thing that Ray is going through.

Sand exudes an incredibly strong parental presence in this scene; a form of unconditional love and patience. As we're often told by our parents, they're not angry at us when we veer off path, just disappointed and perhaps saddened on our behalf - but that won't stop them from loving us all the same. This is beautifully captured by First. You can detect Sand's selfless love for Ray in his every gaze, always.

⬆️ "Ever since you walked into my life, I've been so happy. So damn happy Sand."

This is where Sand almost breaks down as he displays a small, tentative smile that is laced with pained and tired relief. His eyes close in an attempt to maintain composure. Whilst there’s overwhelm, there’s also finally a glimmer of peace.

This is what Ray knows Sand needs to hear, what Ray wishes he'd said sooner. Ray picturing himself saying this to Sand may be a form of vindication in the event he doesn't get say this to him in-person.

Finally Ray collapses into Sand's arms. Sand seems to visibly reign in his own emotions, in order to revert back to 'care-taker' mode. Sand nods once, a gesture of kindness and true acceptance that says 'It's all okay, I know.'

He's Ray's pillar, his rock, and his raft. Sand has become Ray's primary source of safety and comfort. Sand's gaze is so endlessly gentle as he nestles in close to hold Ray. Everything about his embrace feels warm and stable in such a reassuring way. Sand is every bit as loving and caring as Ray just described him to be.

What makes this entire portrayal so devastating is this is the Sand Ray sees and knows. Ray mentions in Episode 11 that he’s been stowing away these details. Which indicates that everything Sand has done and said has not gone unnoticed. Whether it was due to denial or ignorance that prevented Ray from confronting it sooner, he has unconsciously taken note of it all. How Ray's image of Sand responds in this scene is based on every interaction he's had with Sand up until now. This imaginary representation of Sand is proof of everything that Ray has come to fall in love with.

First was not given any dialogue in which to communicate in this scene. His entire performance relies solely on the tiniest of micro-expressions and gestures. He symbolises the essence of Sand but not the physical manifestation of him. Therefore his acting may come across as understated but that’s a sign of real talent when you can say so much with so little.

[friedfriedchicken]

Looking back on TFOne and the toys that came out before the film, there's something interesting there about the Iacon 5000 to me. Spoilers under the cut

So what I've noticed is that there was a notable absence of Mirage in TFOne despite him appearing in the Iacon 5000 three-pack alongside D-16 and Orion.

Like- he was advertised in a toy commercial I saw months before TFOne went to theaters but he never actually got a highlight in the Iacon 5000. His name was on the leaderboard at one point but I've seen this film twice and didn't see him in crowd shots. At least not with this design.

But who WAS in the Iacon 5000 with a large focus and is also a blue-colored Transformer? Chromia! (Image sourced from trading cards on Weibo)

But the interesting part, to me at least, is her head design. There's nothing stereotypically 'Chromia' about her. The thing is, she looks more like a G1-styled Mirage than the usual Chromia head design. And again, having watched TFOne twice, I was looking in crowdshots for any familiar faces and this one miner who showed up during Orion Pax's speech towards the end of the film always stuck out to me. This 'Not-Chromia' had a more familiar look to her than Chromia did and she reminded me of Moonracer, specifically the one from the Netflix Transformers series who was a green-ish repaint of Chromia's model.

My pictures of TFOne are dulled out because of the camera quality- I promise they're brighter and easier to see than what I have here So what am I getting at? I think that Mirage was originally planned to be in this movie but was swapped out for Chromia after production had already started. Why is this important enough to write a whole post about it? Because I think it's just neat but also I noticed that IGN's review of TFOne complained about a lack of female representation. Maybe Mirage was changed to Chromia so that TFOne has more girl characters? Maybe I'm overlooking things because IGN's take made me really mad but TFOne has been an absolute treat to bite into and I hope more people also write essays and stuff like this.

[skyloftian-nutcase]

@dogsnoptics requested Imprisoning War (Power) Link and his kids, so have Link and his little firstborn toddler cutie pie baby girl <3

Link found solace in looking after his daughter.

He hadn’t expected to, honestly. It had taken him so long to convince himself to even look at her when she was a baby. He’d been convinced he might hate her initially, and the idea of seeing the physical representation of a union that neither party wanted… it felt too real. Somehow, Zelda had managed to do it, though. He supposed that was mainly because she didn’t really have an option not to. But she’d been handling the baby on her own, with nannies’ help, and he’d done nothing to assist for six months.

He felt a little ashamed about it now, honestly, but there was no changing the past. The little girl was a ray of sunshine, and he loved watching her run about in the royal gardens. Her favorite pastime, in return, was to point everything out to him and make sure he saw it.

Lately, Sonia had been playing a new game. She would grab all kinds of items and identify them – if she didn’t know what something was, she would find the nanny and ask her. Link wasn’t really able to help in that regard as he hadn’t spoken a single word since a few weeks after the girl’s birth.

Today, though, the nanny wasn’t around – many times when Link came to be with his daughter, he would be left in solitude, which he appreciated. Sonia was still playing her game, grabbing an item, running up to Link, and showing him what it was. He nodded and smiled every time, giving her a kiss if she’d sit still long enough for one. The toddler giggled every time, running back into the garden to find something else. But today, she seemed more insistent about things, bringing him a ball three times, and grabbing another ball and differentiating the color.

“Blue ball!” she said, showing him. Then she put it down and brought up another one. “Green ball!”

Link nodded again, looking between the two, wondering what his silly girl was getting at.

Sonia stared back at him, trying to communicate something, and she sighed, sitting on the ground of in front of him. She held the blue one up again. “Ball.”

She pointed it to it. “Ball.”

Did she want another one? Link looked around to find a matching blue ball, but there was none.

“Ball, Dada.”

Link looked back at his daughter, handing her the green one. She held it, looking at it curiously, but there was a clear frustration in her face. She sighed again, running towards the fountain. Link watched her a little confusedly, wondering what that had been about.

The next day, Sonia’s game was less pronounced. She still raced around the garden, but she barely showed him anything with her excited announcements. He wondered if maybe she just wasn’t in the mood that day, but the next day she spoke even less. By the end of the week, the nanny commented that she wasn’t talking at all.

Link bit his lip as he watched her take a nap. Why had she stopped speaking? What was wrong? He wondered if it had to do with the trip they’d just gotten home from – Zelda had wanted to tour the kingdom, but, knowing the people would want to see the entire royal family, she had dragged Link and Sonia along. Link had not been keen on the idea in the slightest, and had spent nearly the entirety of the trip silently carrying Sonia from one place to the next. He supposed there were some genuinely good things that had come out of it, though – he himself hadn’t been outside the castle perimeter since Impa had taken him to Kakariko a year ago, and aside from that, he hadn’t seen how Hyrule had been recovering at all since the war’s end. It had been… reassuring to witness it. At least he knew his sacrifice was doing something.

The other good thing, he supposed, was that Zelda got to spend far more time with her daughter than she usually did.

Link didn’t have much interest in being anywhere near Zelda, but it was only fair for Sonia to have quality time with her mother. That was rarely the case when they were in the palace – Zelda’s duties kept her busy from sun up to sun down. She found moments as best she could to spend time with Sonia, but Link knew it was few and far between; he himself spent a good portion of the day with his daughter and he never saw Zelda. He and the queen saw more of each other on their tour of Hyrule than they ever had since their wedding

Sonia stirred, and he gently ran his hand over her forehead. She didn’t feel warm, so it wasn’t likely a fever. When she opened her eyes, she reached up to him, and he gently pulled her into his arms, rocking back and forth. His daughter pointed excitedly towards the window and the gardens, giggling. Her energy certainly didn’t imply that anything was wrong. So why was she as mute as Link all of a sudden?

As… as mute as…

Oh.

Oh.

This was… this was his fault, wasn’t it? While Link never spoke, Sonia did usually spend time with nannies, who constantly indulged the girl’s babbling and taught her new words. On their tour of Hyrule, the girl’s time had exclusively been with her father.

He remembered Impa’s gentle push, her advice that children need to hear and see new words to learn them. He remembered smiling a little at the comment, thinking that was what the nannies were for.

Damn it.

It wasn’t like Link couldn’t speak. He knew he could. He used to. But ever since… well. For a while he was incapable of it. Too exhausted, too out of words in the first place. Since then, he’d gotten better, but there was honestly no reason to speak. The only people he spent time around were knights who knew that he just wanted to spar, Impa, who had long since learned his cues and didn’t need him to speak to understand, and his daughter, who didn’t used to care that he was silent. His duties didn’t extend far beyond that – he was more symbolic for the kingdom than anything else. It was the queen whose words held power to them, whose words were necessary. Link was a shadow in the castle. So he saw no reason to speak anymore.

Link bit his tongue, uncertain. It had been so long…

He sighed, taking Sonia outside. When he put her on the ground, the two-year-old excitedly took off after a butterfly. He made his way over to a wooden crate in the corner where many of her outdoor toys were stored. He pulled out her favorite one.

It didn’t take long for Sonia to notice, and she watched him curiously, waddling over. Link sat on the ground to be at eye level with her, holding out the item. He took a deep breath. “Ball.”

His voice cracked. It cracked. Goddess. He felt like he was trying to resurrect himself. But Sonia’s entire face lit up, and she grabbed the ball, bouncing up and down and screaming its name over and over and over, alongside his own. “Dada! Ball! Dada, ball! Ball!!”

Link’s laughter rang through the gardens, something he hadn’t heard in years, and the two giggled themselves breathless.

[user-kanra]

Penacony as a Theme Park

I just finished watching Jenny Nicholson's video on the Star Wars Hotel (Galactic Starcruiser, if we're being fancy) and the last section put into words a lot of concerns I've had about the current state of theme parks and the entertainment industry in general. It's a very worthwhile watch, and it's honestly got me thinking about Penacony, so I'm going to ramble for a bit.

I don't know if I'm off-base thinking this, but I've always perceived the Golden Hour to be very theme park-esque. If memory serves, it's where we first meet Clockie, who's voice actor did what I consider an amazing Mickey Mouse impression. It's design is very much giving theme park trying to look like a city (main street in magic kingdom, I'm even reminded of Hollywood Studios just a tad), and the statue of Clockie reminds me of Walt with Mickey in Magic Kingdom.

Also, that little bit of Robin POV felt like a character actor moving around the parks LMAO

(Spoilers under the cut)

I'm going to make a bit of a leap here and call Mikhail/Misha Walt Disney. I promise, I love that kid, I only want to use Walt as an example.

Misha, as the remnants of the Watchmaker, played a heavy role in designing the dreamscape. From what I can tell, the dreamscape was only ever really intended to be an attraction, a place of entertainment you're not meant to live in.

So Misha built the dreamscape. Mikhail is dead, Misha didn't even know he was Mikhail, so all we have left are people acting in the Watchmaker's name. This, to me, resembles Disney in the aftermath of Walt's death. EPCOT was named not for what it stood for, but because it was the name of one of Walt's projects that never got to see its creation.

I think Penacony is actually a great representation of what's going wrong with entertainment right now. Sunday's anger make sense in the context of the unequal, poor treatment a lot of guests get nowadays. This place should be magic for everyone. It should be everyone's most memorable moment. But for one reason or another that's not happening. (Why do people barf in the dreamscape? Evil trash cans and performers? I'd also be pissed if I was promised a luxury experience and got that instead).

But part of what was so important was that Misha's story ended in that chair. He can rest now. Penacony is no longer tied to the Watchmaker.

That's, you know, both good and bad. It leaves room for greed and bastardizing what the dreamscape was supposed to be. If you know anything about the current state of theme parks, you know that the quality's gone down and the prices have gone up. Jenny Nicholson said it the best when she said that Disney is looking for a way to charge the most and do the least. They're "cashing in on the good will they've built," they can get away with this stuff.

But it's also important. Walt wasn't always right (actually, he was usually wrong), and staying in the past (or a dream) is never a good idea in the first place. At some point, you have to face the core of the problem. For Disney, it's that capitalistic greed is the entirety of their current business model. For Penacony, it's that everyone being equal in a dream isn't the same as everyone being equal in real life. You need to look critically at Disney, just as the dreamscape shouldn't be your entire life.

Of course, there's more important lenses to look at Penacony with, but theme parks strike a special cord with me, so I thought I'd try to reason it out here. Hope this made sense!

[davekat-sucks]

homestuck's fanbase is really making me feel like giving up on the story as a whole... Jesus, I might just call it quits soon. Listening to idiots try to defend how shit Homestuck's story became is too exhausting. It reminds me of when I was listening to lectures of, people who hardly counted as, writers go off about how important it is to prioritize representation over all else. They never realized if you do a terrible job with writing a story, you do a terrible job of representing women, different racial groups, gay men, ext. They don't want to write female characters like they're people who make mistakes and grow. Those authors wanted women to always be perfect and always in the right and her biggest obstacle is that men don't believe in her. You can see that in Star Wars with Rei or Captain Marvel as an example of the mindset I'm talking about.

I liked homestuck because so many of the female characters had challenges and flaws. Aradia, Terezi, Rose... They had amazing stories and their flaws made them interesting.

Homestuck could have been a story about different people who have completely different mindsets coming together for a common goal. Homestuck is just... soap opera drama and shitty teen romance at the end of the story where the characters just wait for the story to finish and most of the audience left. In the epilogue, it feels like all of the characters gave up. I suppose Kanaya did put in effort to find Rose and make sure she is safe, I'll give the story credit there. Dirk wants something too. Dirk's goal is just to close the loop and create the first universe in the first place but all you ever hear people talking about is how his motivations have something to do with the shitty meta fiction gimmick the story has going on. "Gotta keep the story going or else the characters fade out of memory" That is such bullshit concept. Sounds like a justification for why there are so many Star Wars shows now. Sounds like milking an IP. Quantity of quality kind of excuse.

And, for the record, my beef isn't with how the fandom represents it's own headcanons or interpretations of the characters, my beef is with how people talk about the canon. Fandom and canon should be two different things. But people act like the fandom should influence canon. I thought the point of both of the cherubs were to show that is a bad idea. Fanon being in canon feels like it derails the story, even the homosuck part that Caliborn came up with.

I'm getting tired of trying to even find a space in this fandom. It's occupying too much of my freetime now. I have so much nostalgia for homestuck but now it feels like trying to get back on the swings of a playground, too old for this shit. Fuck, I adulted too hard and I outgrew fandom I guess. Shit sucks.

Ah well, at least they fans are having fun. But how much fun can you really have when Rose screwed over Kanaya in two timelines? Kanaya felt like a better character in the epilouge cause she's given a challenge to face that is unique to her and her relationship with her wife. Rose's dad brainwashed(?) her to leave her wife, wow, Kanaya that's some shit. Just sucks that she is getting cucked AGAIN. Is it a universal constant that Kanaya is just going to keep falling for women who don't respect her? Maybe she should have stuck with Vriska. All of this Kanaya Rose drama is a bad sign of what's to come. I think it's disrespectful to the fans that are still sticking around. I'm not really included in this bunch. My horse tapped out of the race years ago. People who are still holding out for hope this story is going somewhere are either the most optimistic people out there or the most beaten down.

It's no wonder so many people who worked on homestuck abandoned ship. Toby looks like he's having a good career and Hussie looks like he's afraid of what he created. Maybe there is poetic justice to be gleaned from all of this.

It had lot of creative ideas and talent. But through it, there are cracks and messes that can't be ignored. Even now, the same kind of messes appear again in present times and I think people are scared to talk about it in fear that the thing they love was not as great as they though it was. We really are suffering from Stockholm Syndrome. Even when moments in the series and narrative itself that tells the audience that we were stupid to even care, we stayed because we loved it for what it was back then before the meta shit kicked in. The whole revival of the series so it won't fade away and being comparable to Star Wars is a good way to describe it. The team not taking risks to actually go outside of the Homestuck cast, tell a new story, or even trying to focus on the base webcomic alone that made it popular in the first place. They can't even put more focus on Hiveswap just yet because they know people know Homestuck first before Hiveswap, despite said game could make a better introduction or entryway for people to get interested in the webcomic. I'm not sure what is going on through Hussie or James Roach's mind for all this.

[acebiacebasis]

K long vaguely unhappy story time again:

I thought my mom was more mature than this, but wow we had a fucking moment tonight. It ended okay basically because we both decided to move on. But I'm definitely still emotionally *tense* and am so ready to move away again and be my own person. I LOVE the family quality time I get watching shows with them, especially in context like this when it's a show that I got them hooked on, but gosh she could not chill on the homophobia for five seconds.

We're watching White Collar and there is an episode in Season 4 that features the lesbian character (who is a badass and funny and amazing FBI agent) more prominently and queerly. Aka instead of just referencing her having a girlfriend, she actually kisses another woman (undercover shenanigans and sexy criminals and all that jazz). My mom literally asked me to skip ahead when these two gorgeous women were only TALKING on a DATE and I avoided skipping at that point because the focus went back to the main crime plot so soon (like, soon as in she finished asking me plus a couple seconds of my hesitation and surprise that my mom couldn't just watch two people fucking talking and not even like heavily flirting or being touchy-feely or anything, and then the moment ended anyway).

So, we move on from that scene and keep watching the episode unfold, and most of it is not actually queer-related so she doesn't throw a fuss (because literally any other time she likes the show). BUT part of the plot to catch the criminal involves these two women going on another date, so my mom starts to kinda get tense again, and then suddenly they kiss and she legitimately hollers out "Oh! No!" and I think it will be fine because it cuts away but then right away they kiss again and my mom starts yelling "Skip it!" And I just hesitate for a split second again because I've seen it before and I know it'll end soon and I try to tell her this and she's just going on and on at full volume over the TV yelling "Who has the remote?! Skip it!! It's GROSS and I don't want to see it!"

So I pause it, pretty upset myself at this point, and stand up to face her and ask "Why?!" and try to say again that it is SO SHORT a moment (like, I said she couldn't watch it for two seconds and she corrected me that it was at least four 🙄) so then I also pull out the religious card (because of course my mom brought up her opinion that "It's a SIN and it's gross and wrong" and blah blah blah) and I challenge that she watches other shows with divorced people or cheating or fucking murderers and she doesn't skip those conversations... And she tries to kinda blow that off as saying she would or whatever justification but she basically gives up that front and turns to my dad and asks "Doesn't it both you?" And he just quietly says "well yeah but I just don't watch" (which he plays on his phone anyway if the show gets too silly for him in other circumstances so that annoys me but I find overall less offensive) so I jump in and say "You could've done that too! You can just look away if it bothers you that much!"

So mostly at that point I'm frustrated and just really flabbergasted that she could not watch sapphic representation for literal SECONDS and I say she can watch what she wants and toss her the remote and I walk out of the room. *But* then I can hear from my room that she checks in with my dad about still watching it and I hear her start it up again, which is GOOD because I want them to watch it and enjoy it and there wasn't any gay stuff for her to throw a fit about for the rest of it anyway (besides some conversational references that I expected her to skip and she didn't, so my dad must've told her it didn't matter or something)...

Anyway because I'm an absolute sucker for this show I ended up going back out and said "Okay, if you're still watching it then I'll watch it with you." And because of course I want to watch in solidarity with this one queer episode and enjoy the representation. But golly.

------

And another thing is that I already had queerness heavily on the brain. I saw a homophobic post by a fb friend from high school (who I really should probably unfriend, especially cause this isn't the first homophobic post I've seen by him, but instead I just unfollowed because I'm a sucker that can't quite give up being liked or having sources of information yet... But I'm working on that) and anyway he also is a "Christian" and is supposed to have found faith more as an adult and apparently talks about it a lot but from what I can tell it just seems like he's grown into being a bully?

So I have already been feeling convicted again NOT about how queerness is a sin BUT how to bridge my queer communities with my Christian communities because I feel like they should be united and instead they're at war and it breaks my heart.

...if you made it this far, thanks for reading. Also, sorry for us both if you relate.

Prayers for hearts to be opened, I guess.

10-20-24

[telomeke]

LAST TWILIGHT – THE FISHTANK AND THE FLOWERS

So I've got a hugely long post about my thoughts on Last Twilight (linked here), and one of the themes identified in there is about Mhok and Day's struggle around seeing and being seen for their true selves.

There are some visual metaphors embedded within the series that illustrate this theme pretty vividly (and given that issues with vision are a major plot point, they're also hugely appropriate for the narrative). But to avoid bulking out my already long post there, I've written up these metaphors separately in this post instead (though they really should be read together).

Now Day's struggle in Last Twilight was getting the world to see him as his true self, still the same champion worthy of the same dignity that he had always been worthy of, and not some lesser being consigned to the sidelines as enfeebled and irrelevant.

Mhok's struggle was a parallel one, in that his external identity (an unrefined, uneducated ex-convict) always caused those around him to misread his inner truth (that was altogether less violent and threatening) and relegate him to the status of an outsider, thereby diminishing his chances in life.

And both had to journey to a place where they could be seen how they deserved to be seen, in order to move on with their lives.

In my opinion, there are two sets of visual metaphors in Last Twilight that illustrate the ideas above.

The most obvious one is the aquarium and its goldfish in Day's room (with the goldfish aptly named Big Mhok and Little Day), calling out to the theme of seeing and being seen:

(above left) Last Twilight Ep.12 [4/4] 13.06; (above right) Last Twilight Ep.12 [4/4] 13.04 – Mhok and Day looking through (aquarium) glass darkly

Just as Big Mhok and Little Day were always in the sights of Bigger Mhok and Not-So-Little Day, the world outside was also portrayed as watching (and passing judgement on) human MhokDay (and that includes us viewers of Last Twilight too). And just as the panes of glass and water quality could sometimes distort the view of their goldfish namesakes, Mhok and Day were also subject to veiled (and thus not always accurate) appraisals when seen by others around them. This is quite likely the reason for the many shots of Mhok and Day peering through the fishtank.

And this was also why Mhok was so insistent on washing the aquarium glass and changing the water at the beginning of Ep.2 [3‌/4] – his salvation of a suffocating Day Noi even as he made the goldfish clearly visible again was a metaphor foreshadowing Mhok's intervention in Nong Day's life as well, helping to restore his sense of self-worth and strength to be seen for all he was (and was not).

‌

The second visual metaphor standing in as a representation of Mhok and Day, unusually, is floral – and it's the jasmine and the sunflower:

(above left) Last Twilight Ep.2 [3‌/4] 1.46 – Day and the jasmine; (above right) Last Twilight Ep.6 [4/4] 2.23 – Mhok and the sunflower

The small, delicate jasmine is known for its strong scent, typically with blooms that are small rather than showy, and is a flower of the purest white. From what little I remember of biology class – these are all characteristics of blooms that favor night pollinators like moths (relying on fragrance rather than visuals to attract them, and eschewing color – which is wasted during hours of darkness – for the brightest white to stand out in the moonlight). So the jasmine (even though its blooms are open during the day as well) is a flower identified with the night (especially for moths, and the creators of Last Twilight 😂).

Meanwhile the sunflower is resolutely a blossom of the daytime, large, robust and eye-catching, always seeking out the sun.

You might think that the jasmine would be the stand-in for the delicate-seeming Day, whose life is enveloped by darkness, and the bold sunflower for the brash, in-your-face tough guy Mhok. (And I did so too, at first.) But as it did many times during its run, Last Twilight requires us to look again, and see what's beyond first impressions.

For it was actually big dude Mhok who had the fragile, sentiment-driven interior (witness him rent apart by emotions at Ep.1 [1‌/4] 9.37 and Ep.11 [4/4] 16.23, and moved to tears beside a stoic Day at Ep.12 [3‌/4] 1.55) while Day was the one who furiously, but purposefully, broke off their relationship in Ep.11, firmly in control of himself and the situation.

Post-breakup Day also learnt to live independently from Mhok just fine. No wonder Mhon told Night at Ep.11 [4/4] 15.39 that it was Mhok she was more worried about, because this mom, like a lot of Khun Noppharnach's other mom characters, could see her baby boy's hidden truths all too well (and that included both his strengths and weaknesses).

Perhaps it's not surprising that the sunflower was Day's favorite blossom (see Ep.5 [4/4] 10.40), because its sun-seeking parallels Day's obvious relish for the athletic spotlight that his inner self found nourishing in some way, which in turn explains his self-perceived loss of face when blindness forced him away from all that, causing him to shun his friends.

Meanwhile the jasmine, that is mostly unseen on the darkest night, has to rely on an intrinsic but invisible fragrance to announce its presence. And this truly is a parallel for Mhok, whose real self was missed by those who judged only based on what they saw, and whose inner qualities could only be known and appreciated if you went by other senses instead.

In Last Twilight, prior to Episode 12 (and unless I'm missing something), we're (only) shown the jasmine in the daytime and the sunflower at night – these are also metaphors for Mhok's status as an out-of-place misfit, and Day who could no longer bask in the glow of sporting glory the way he used to, like a sunflower deprived of the sunshine it craves.

And when Day noticed the jasmine by its fragrance at Ep.2 [3‌/4] 0.59, this was also a metaphor for how he, subsumed by the never-ending night of blindness, was one of the few people who could see and sense Mhok's true self that most of the sighted could not.

There is a scene of the jasmine at night, and significantly this is after Mhok's return in Episode 12 (specifically at Ep.12 [3‌/4] 13.59), having gotten his personal and professional life in order, reconciling his outer self and inner truth, and recognizing himself for who he truly was:

(above) Last Twilight Ep.12 [3‌/4] 14.11 – Mhok holds a sprig of jasmine flowers during his night ride to the airport 

I'm not as sure about the sunflower in the daytime, but it looks like they're in Day's graduation bouquets also in Episode 12 (see Ep.12 [1‌/4] 2.10 and 2.15, in the bouquet Gee passes to Day and in the one that Mhon is holding):

(above) Last Twilight Ep.12 [1‌/4] 2.19 – sunflowers peek out among the bouquets that Day and Mhon are holding, on the occasion of Day's (daytime) graduation

If so, the jasmine and the sunflower were signaling that our boys had finally found their place in the world where they were no longer struggling to fit in, and were free at last to live their best lives. 💖

‌

[swallowerofdharma]

©️Kentaro Miura

Miura represents the entanglement of light and shadow - that makes possible any understanding or perception of what constitutes light - by using, among other things, two male characters, not a man and a woman, opposing each other and represented like this. That’s important to notice and relevant for a number of reasons. I have been debating with myself on how to tackle this topic. This is how I understand it, so this is my reasoning only and I am not sharing my thoughts to convince people of something, but just to put down in writing something so apparently simple and so damn complicated.

The description of 陽陰 yinyang originated in China, but it is well known and documented in many East Asian artistic expressions and a concept widely adopted and recognized in Japan. The kanji used are the same characters used in China:

陽 north side of a hill (not facing the sun) - pronounced in or on

陰 south side of a hill (facing the sun) - pronounced yo or myo

These are not rigid ontological categories, but rather representations of dynamic relationships, complementary and necessary bonds inside things that explain the ever changing and evolving nature of the cosmos. Without these dynamics we cannot comprehend reality and the various processes of production and generation, including the production and generation of meaning.

Complementary forces - as we understand them through association - can be: dark and bright, moon and sun, feminine and masculine, earth and heaven.

But again, these are not rigid ontological categories: this is the part that can be confusing. These aren’t absolute and immutable states. When we look at reality, we look at phenomena, everything is a temporary manifestation of the ever changing cycle of birth and death and everything contains the entanglement of 陽陰.

So you see why this isn’t a dualistic doctrine - as we use in the western world - and that man and woman, being temporary physical manifestations or phenomena, have also 陽陰. So to say that you can’t divorce 陽陰 and assign the two opposite energies in a real individual man or a real individual woman in a state of division.

I would like to know how to explain it so much better than this. I have visualized a sphere and, trapped inside it, there are 陽陰 moving and entangling without pause. If we break the sphere, we haven’t separated 陽 from 陰, but we have broken pieces containing still 陽陰 inside.

So I’ll try to get back to the image of Griffith and Guts. One looks at the heavens and the other at the earth, one is bright and the other is dark. Yet Griffith is often associated with the moon and has more feminine features, while Guts, not specifically associated with the sun but with elves or other bright forces, has more masculine appearance. If you have kept in mind the opposite of 陽陰, you may notice that you can’t split orderly the opposite qualities between Griffith or Guts. For example

dark, moon, night, autumn, feminine, earth, passivity

light, sun, day, spring, masculine, heaven, activity

and I am simplifying a lot here, because these are just some of the possibilities - like tiger and dragon or Miura versions of a falcon and a wolf - and I am not taking into consideration other nuances.

Griffith and Guts represent the fight between opposing forces and their entanglement at the same time, they are in attraction and opposition, but not rigidly divided as one person having all the 陽 qualities and the other all the 陰 ones, because that isn’t how these concepts work. And they are both men. Yet they generate the story of Berserk.

When we read the list of qualities of 陽 and we see femininity associated with negative traits, dark forces and passivity, in a brain that is informed by the rigidity of other traditions and beliefs, we might feel that this is just another example of denigration of the position of ‘woman’. But this isn’t how I understand it - granted I can’t say for sure.

How I see it is that the individuals, as physical manifestations and temporary ones, possess physical forms able to reproduce life through the cooperation between opposites, where one part becomes passive, receptive and the other becomes active, giving. Life - or knowledge - cannot be born without these dynamic interactions. But inside the phenomena, or inside each individuals, we still have those inseparable and opposite forces. They are dynamic, relative, not fixed or absolute. Woman still has 陽陰 and in the encounter with man, she can oscillate between those opposing forces: she can become accepting but doesn’t lose the capacity to be giving. She might enhance her femininity or she might embrace her masculinity. And the same occurs in man.

There are people who believe that you need to split some parts of 陽陰. They believe that woman should always portray femininity and passivity, always be receptive. They believe that man should never portray femininity and passivity, and never be receptive. But 陽陰 tell me that we are born complete and in a sort of equilibrium, while we have to make adjustments in our individual bodies throughout our lives and circumstances. When we face the will of those types of people, we face a will that puts us in a condition of disequilibrium and unbalance. And that makes us ill. Men suppressing 陽 are doing violence to themselves, but they can be severely punished or ostracized if they don’t. I’ll leave the social commentary at that, but I think that that kind of thinking lacks sufficient wisdom or maybe some people are guided by other preoccupations or motivations.

Please let me know if I made any type of mistake in trying to explain 陽陰. I am not an expert on this subject. Any correction or suggestion will be welcome, I am here to learn! I’ll share also a very useful outline that I have been using to navigate these new concepts: The Two Aspects or Sides of Reality from a Chan/Zen Perspective

[loudlooks]

Day 15 - Freshly baked bread

30 day challenge notes: quantity over quality, limited editing, stand-alone/unrelated stories unless specifically stated otherwise, not always tiva, chronologically randomly set in whatever pre-s11 season seems to fit

A/N: Ziva shows up at Tony's thinking he's sick, friendship, set in the earlier seasons

actual representation of my brain while writing this:

Tag for blocking/following: 30 days of spring

Prompt: Freshly baked bread

Word count: 615

-

The knock on the door woke him at an ungodly hour. Blindly he grasped for his phone to check the time: 10 AM. He rolled onto his back and rubbed his eyes. Technically not ungodly, but it was a Saturday, there should be laws against this.

Another knock, followed by the unlocking of his front door a few seconds later. He sat up and listened closely, only one person he knew had this modus operandi. At the sound of Ziva’s barely perceptible footsteps, he threw on a shirt and padded out of his bedroom. He found her placing an overflowing wicker basket on his kitchen table.

Ziva didn’t bother to look up at him, as she removed a few jars from the basket. “You weren’t feeling well yesterday, I thought I would bring you something to eat.”

“I’m fine.” He yawned, and stretched his arms above his head.

Ziva frowned, and looked at him closely. “I overheard you cancel your date at work.”

“I didn’t feel like going on a date.”

“You showed us her photo in the morning, bragging about how gorgeous she was.” She raised her eyebrows, and handed him a cup of tea. “Should I call Ducky?”

“There’s nothing wrong with me.” He swatted her hand away before she could touch his forehead. “Why are you here, it’s 10 AM?”

“I’m Jewish, we show people we care about them with food.”

“Oh, Italians do that too.”

“Really, you must not like any of us, then,” Ziva deadpanned, shuffling the small jars around.

“What? I buy you guys takeout all the time.”

“Buying takeout is not the same as a home cooked meal.”

“If I cooked for you, you’d arrest me for attempted murder.”

“If you’re going to be like this, I can take my freshly baked bread to someone who appreciates it.”

“Hey, you just woke me up, I’m still processing the fact that it’s a new day, I need a few more minutes.”

“You just woke up? It’s 10 AM.”

“I was trying to sleep in, like a normal person.”

“I slept in,” Ziva said defensively.

“Ziva, postponing your 5 AM run to 6 AM is hardly sleeping in.”

She turned to leave. “I have better things to do.”

“Wait,” Tony said and grabbed her arm, turning her around. “Can’t you stay and have breakfast with me?” He put on his most charming smile. “You did go to all the trouble of baking this bread, it wouldn’t be right if you didn’t get to enjoy it.”

She contemplated his offer, and gave in when he waved the loaf of bread under her nose with a goofy look on his face. With a reluctant smile, she sat down as he went to get plates and cutlery.

“So what did you have planned that’s better than sharing breakfast with a friend?” Tony asked as he set the table.

Ziva opened and closed her mouth, then shrugged and took a piece of bread. “Things.”

Tony sat down, and looked at her expectantly, knowing she had nothing important planned.

Her gaze flicked upwards, and with a forced smile, she admitted, “Chores.”

“Good, seeing as I’m now up at the crack of dawn, we have the whole day ahead of us for better things than chores.”

“The crack of dawn was five hours ago, Tony.”

“It’s dawn somewhere on the planet, now eat your breakfast while I plan our day.”

Ziva frowned. “Wouldn’t you rather make plans with the blonde you cancelled on yesterday?”

“No,” he bit into a piece of buttered bread, and briefly closed his eyes as the flavors and textures hit just right. “She would’ve never woken me up with freshly baked bread.”

[capsensislagamoprh]

Aiight, mother fluffers, we got doll-ception. This is a doll body I got off allied express. (just look up BJD body, you get choices) It’s low quality, dolor store plastic. Good for practicing or replacing the toddlers broken barbie body. More importantly: JOINTS.

I’mma take those joints.

MWAHAHAHAHAH!

He-he-hehehe. *ahem*. Okay, then. As you can see, I have a spare body. It’s a Barbie official body I got from @ maleficentmrsofallevil . The legs were rubber and the arms too. So off they went!

Worbla. Is. Your. Friend. I have been using this one sheet for over two years, and it. Is. Magnificent. Chopstick through joints, and many hours of slowly building a connecting link together above a rubber frikin Barbie leg, and BOOM!

Look, a thigh joint is a bit beyond me at this point. Ankles too. But I think I could literally sculpt one by hand. Just didn’t have a part for it on my cheep doll. Also learned that the doll with this sort of torso... one leg is shorter than the other. So this doll has a killer stand still stance. And permanent scoliosis. Representation? Sure, why not. But you know what she do have? FLEXIBILITY!

Upper arm joint works, fingers split into individual digits. Now I need to fill the side joints and reseal the body. Then I need to find a head to go on it. Once that’s done, I’ll paint the body and head to match, do some hair, a face up, and all that jazz.

[icy-watch]

And wowwwie. Because Azure isn't just like that with Wukong, but DBK too! Y'all need to learn how to be whumpy losers like Mackie over there and know when to give up /j it'll save you the pain. You're down bad for your original image of Wukong, but in all the wrong ways. You never really knew him. Azure would be great on call out and discourse twitter with the hot shots he thinks he's throwing about the whole situation with Princess Iron Fan and DBK deciding he doesn't want to rule the world now, just wants to be a family man. "Just another beast serving the will of the Monkey King." fr, even Mackie wasn't this obsessed when he was bothering MK with his ~ you're just like the hero~ helps that he changes his mind later and was less seething about it to begin with. Azure is like. "Wukong ruined my life." / srs, kind of hatred and is all "woe is us for what has become of our sworn brother." Speaking of people being obsessed with others. Why is Peng always talking about Macaque lmaooo. "That coward has tucked himself away where even I can't sniff him out." What makes you think he'd want to join? Probably heard you were looking. But Yeah, he's hanging out on FFM in some little cave area above where Wukong lives I think??? Was that place in the pilots, or was it the secret place we saw Wukong eating peaches that one episode?" Are they roommates with Mackie living rent free up there??? I gotta knoww pffff. But yo "sniff" y'know, Peng's VA suggested they might have a hate-crush on Mackie which is HILARIOUS. like, they only remember the one from before so that little fluffball??? that's the one you want???? what appeals to you, the fact past!Mackie is someone you can step on with those boots er talons? Ooh we just reached the sweet scene of MK and the baby monkey ugh I wuv them, and I see Mackie's cave has a nice view of the sun there ha-! and the lanterns I told you about!! sweet, those lanterns were also present during the Brotherhood dinner, 100% had to have been Mackie's design choice. its his trademark pretty much. There is logically no way Wukong just decided to leave them hanging in some random cave here too hence = bud totally lives here. We caught him sleeping here with baby monkey later XD awww. also his FACE when MK and friends drop in, he is SO proud of MK but will not say it. Also interesting eh? Monkie Gang share the opposite qualities of the Pilgrims. the ones they had to learn. the things that led to enlightenment. now they need to adopt the thing their ancestors had to let go of. but they also reject the destiny of being and doing things like their ancestors. this is part of the one thing that makes me ok with show! Tripitaka bc they're making the story more of the classic hero team journey personal growth thing by having Tripitaka learn THE MAGIC OF FRIENDSHIP. we will see if I change my mind seeing the context of "Monkey! No violence!" Zhu Bajie becoming a "deeply caring and protective creature" cracks me up. He didn't achieve enlightenment and caused Wukong problems every step of the way when the Monk believed him every time. Like there's def some deeper representation and allegorical stuff there, but it escapes me atm. "The heart you have in abundance." was also pretty funny tho, bc Tripitaka represents the heart where Wukong is the mind. And Zhu and him were so often on the same page mmm. wonder if its on purpose.

I kinda wondered about Peng's obsession with Macaron too. It's possibly they have a lil bit of a crush on Mackie, but it's also possible that it's jealousy.

Oh, it's totally on purpose there.

[dozzlegramcracker]

ok so rant abt monster high

im gonna rant about so many things that went wrong with the new monster high gen. there is. many.

lagoona isnt even blue anymore

why. why is she pink. WHAT HAPPENED TO HER CURLY HAIR and gil. he's...

i actually hate this. WHY DOES HE LOOK LIKE THATTT WHAT HAPPENED. GIL IS NOT A FUCKBOY CHAD DONT MAKE HIM LOOK LIKE ONE

2. Draculaura's face marking, and her hair.

bangs, on fleek, slay girl. but...the colors. what happened to her stripes? it looked so cool. and the heart birthmark is supposed to be PINK. because its a BIRTHMARK and her skin is PINK ಠ_ಠ and her overbite is gone, no more fangs showing 3. frankie.

shes/they're....blue. so they made frankie blue and lagoona pink??? ... im guessing the metal leg is supposed to represent people with missing limbs so i wont say anything abt it

but her bolts are gone too?? now she has blue in her hair..okay? 4. ABBEY. (i am LIVID) WHAT. DID. THEY. DO.

one of the worst redesigns, in my opinion. I also heard she doesn't have her accent anymore?? way to take away every sense of individuality these characters ever had.

5. HEATH OH MY GOD HE'S SO UGLY I CANT

WHAT WERE YOU THINKING

6. The breakup of Cleo and Deuce (and their designs) completely unnecessary, should've just let sleeping dogs lie really. i feel like they just wanted more LGBTQ characters. Cleo could've stayed with Deuce AND able to be bisexual. Cleo: Blue. INSTEAD OF GOLD? She's rich as hell, her hair is suppose to have gold in it for her richy-bitchy persona while still having good redeeming qualities that makes her a good character.

Deuce: he's green, okay, because he's a gorgon. That's fair, i suppose. His snakes are...mischievous now? I mean, they never used to be. They were always a bit goofy. His sunglasses are see-through..and he's a gorgon..everyone is turned to stone (you're not supposed to look into the eyes of a gorgon period..see-through sunglasses will NOT stop it.) Also, he has two mothers, great that's cool we love lesbian mamas. But one of them is a harpy..so..why doesn't deuce have harpy traits like Avea Trotter? Unless Lyra is a stepmom?

7. The outfits. What was once cool, has become really bad and modern. Literally. They don't appeal to me anymore. It looks like bright colors strewn haphazardly all over, they use the worst combinations as well. Not just with the outfits! I mean, look.

its just so...watered down. Blue on blue/Pink on pink..really??

8. The animation, and overall. Let's look at the difference between G1/2 and G3

excusing a few characters, but my question is, why? I really didn't see any reason to change the original. If it was 'to make it more appealing' then you failed at that, in my book. I've actually heard that one reason was sexualization of characters. None of these original characters were sexualized, remember, they are in HIGHSCHOOL. The patrons of Monster High range from 14-18 years old (save for the vampires) and the main cast is 15-16 years old. If anything, giving Abbey larger hips is sexualization. I get that most characters in the original are abnormally skinny but it is the art style that makes them that way. No, it isn't wrong to make them less skinny and give them some actual fat. There was little to no plus-size representation in the older shows/movies. It IS wrong to change their designs completely! I respect what they did with Catty Noir because they did change her body type but almost completely left her design alone. Rethink about what happened with this, ask yourselves what you did wrong.