#literally when I started being active in the community it was in response to shit ton of hate and anti black rhetoric being directed at

[ophernelia]

sorry if this question is stupid but are we not supposed to play with light skinned sims? im dark skinned and i have dark skinned ones i play with but i have been playing with the lighter ones lately. playing with them means i hate myself? is that the standard now

Honestly, there’s questions I don’t feel like I can answer. I’m black, fully black but I’m lightskin. There’s nuance and knowledge that comes with the lived experience of being a darker skinned person that I’m not privy to at all. It’s not my place to speak on that. What I can say is- that anon was just being an ass. The statement was like factually incorrect. There is no new standard. I will have to let my dark skinned counterparts discuss what they feel is right amongst themselves. Meanwhile, I’ll have to just shut up and listen on the sidelines. However, I am in full support of black creators being left the fuck alone and them being allowed to play and post their games in peace. There are creator’s with pages that look like the north side of Chicago when the cubs play. Go pester at them for not being inclusive at all.

I’ve had a similar experience before. I have a lot of lightskinned sims. Imogen’s family is huge and every one of those bobble heads are just variations of their bobble headed overlord, ME! However, I’ve got a lot of other sims I play with too. Usually when I make a new one, I make them darker skinned to balance things out. Cut down on that Brice family reign. I had JUST posted Savannah and got a “why are all your sims light skinned” comment. Completely overlooked my girl. Overlooked the rest of the darker skinned sims in the series like they literally always do. When I get distasteful comments it’s usually about one of them OR usually about a feature on a sims face that makes them unambiguously black. The shit is grody. I don’t wanna hear about the push for representation when the reaction to it is always less than savory and most times hurtful. It’s not even the sims themselves, but the creators too. Majority of the creators I follow only post dark skinned sims. They make fantastic content. And not to be arrogant, but I KNOW I have reach. So when I reblog their posts, I’m expecting to see that engagement grow. If people like the quality of the content I post, I know they’ll like theirs. It’s usually similar. However, nothing. They don’t get as much traction. And if they do, the main people I see interacting with the posts are primarily the other people who post darker skinned sims!! Like girl! Enjoy your game! Hell! That’s all I can say because whew!

[ohara-n-brown]

[WARNING: Rant]

Sometime made a post going 'Love the trans women in your life while they're still here'

Someone added 'Trans men and Nonbinary too!'

And this was the response.

My response: Cut this shit out, you're acting literally ridiculous.

First of all - no it's NOT an All Lives Matter moment.

ALL LIVES MATTER was created by white people who DON'T experience racism to silence the experiences of those who DO experience racism and die at the hands of it.

A transmasc or nonbinary person saying 'Us also!' is a not the same.

It's a group of people who DO experience transphobia adding to the experiences of those who ALSO experience transphobia.

It's A LOT MORE like a black person going 'BlackLivesMatter' and sometime commenting '#StopAsianHate too :)' and OP going 'wow fuck you read the room you're being racist.'

That's like a Gay person speaking out against homophobia and how it's wrong. And then a trans person says 'Transphobia too!' and suddenly it's 'Read the room. This isn't about y'all. Why do y'all have to bring yourself up always. This isn't about gender. Read the room-'

Sounds familiar to y'all? It should. I'm reading the room and the room is saying you just fucking hate another group of oppressed people lol

Another oppressed person who experiences the same violence as you adding their voice to your choir is NOT the same as white people using their privilege to silence others who experience racism when they themselves don't.

SECOND OF ALL - (tw death mention under cut)

YEAH THEY HAVE A RIGHT TO ADD 'Celebrate your trans brothers while there here' on a post you know..

considering a transmasc non-binary person got fucking beat to death on school grounds exactly a month ago.

Remember that??? The one whose death is being actively covered up by school, law, and state officials on a systemic scale??

Also - a fucking trans man from NJ is still missing as we speak (Elliot Ganiel)

But calling attention to that is like being a MRA??? Talking about a children deaths in a school bathroom and missing people are like being MRAs whose main concerns are women playing video games or some shit?

No. No it isn't.

Y'all misusing terms like MRA and yelling 'That's like all lives matter!!!' clearly show youdon't understand how oppression works in the slightest.

If you try to compare any white racist movement to an oppressed group of people - YTA.

One of us gets fucking killed with no justice, LGBTQ crisis line calls skyrocket, and when asked about it state officials say and I quote 'We don't want that filth in our state!!'

- and when we talk about it amongst people in our community it's 'read the room!!' or 'wow really MRA like'

Fucking bite me.

And before - 'Oh but they didn't have to put it on THAT post, they could've made their own'.

Did you not hear what I just said. A transmasc teen was beat to death and misgendered publically statewide.

Maybe transmascs would like to feel included by the community at this time? So they can feel safe? Safety in numbers? And maybe want to feel like the wider community cares when shit like this happens - which clearly.. y'all don't.

Cause when a transmasc kid is literally killed - and we see a post saying 'Love your transfemme friends whine they're here!' and add the same - only to be told to read the room - it tells us 'You only have a month or so to morn. They died last month? Why are you bringing it up now on a post about appreciating trans people before their death??? Read the room. That was for us only. Stop trying to hog all the attention'.

Like damn sorry for wanting to feel like my community would care if I got wiped off this fucking earth silly me. Silly us.

When we start the conversation on our own we're ignored. When we try to contribute our experiences to other conversations we're told to shut the fuck up and read the room and then compared to actual racists and sexists.

You constantly compare us to people who DO NOT face oppression - cis men and white people - in order to silence us, despite the fact you know we face oppression in ways both groups could never even imagine. You think you're slick. You're not.

BITE ME. HARD.

[velvetvexations]

Ive seen at least two responses to your antigonism post saying that the word would be divisive because “transfems who are normal about transmascs are the norm” and I really truly do believe that’s probably the case but at the same time it personally feels a little dismissive?? I cant speak for all trans people obviously but I know A LOT of trans people, basically everyone in my life is trans- my blood sibling, all of my friends, my 2 girlfriends (im poly) I am regularly in contact with other trans people/trans communities in several cities across my state, and for me it really does not feel like its a “small vocal minority” of transfems who hold anti transmasculine and exorsexist beliefs.

I want to make it clear I absolutely love the transfems in my community, they are my dearest friends, and I deeply treasure our relationships; but absolutely every one of them that I have gotten close to has ended up saying something to me that made me feel really weird. They either mention something about how transmascs have it easier/transfems have it the worst, or they feel the need to gatekeep things from other trans people& borderline accuse other trans people/intersex people of copying transfems, or they joke and complain about “theyfabs” or justify the use of the term (both of my gfs did this- mind you I was afab and exclusively use they/them pronouns), or they invalidate feminine transmasc and afab enby people (again something both of my gfs did despite me being genderfluid and sometimes presenting feminine).

And thats just some of the things Ive experienced IRL in my own home and within my own communities! If I were to start listing my experiences online Id be here all night!! I honestly want to go on about the shit I see online but I dont have the energy for it- but when I see exorsexist or anti trans masculinity coming from transfems (and self proclaimed tmes) online, the comments/notes/whatever is always filled with sometimes hundreds of other trans people agreeing and venting their own frustrations about “tmes” and it just. Again doesnt FEEL like its a minority. You are literally one of the only TWO transfems I know who makes content actively CONSISTENTLY standing up for transmascs and pushing back against anti trans masculinity. Its not that I think its transfems job to dismantle anti trans masculinity but the ratio of transfems who complain about tmes vs ones who actively push back against that rhetoric feels so disproportionate to how often I see transmasc and afab enbies pushback against trans misogyny and the exclusion of transfems in queer spaces.

This turned into a very long winded vent and Im kinda struggling to conclude my point but i guess I wish it felt like more people cared to pushback against TIRFism. It just feels kinda dismissive to hear people say that transmascs who are hesitant to interact w trans communities just need to touch grass or whatever when in my personal experience it feels like I cannot escape anti trasmasculinity or exorsexism in every trans space I am apart of. Kinda blanking on how to end this ask i hope any of this is coherent.

I wanna emphasize again that the person I responded to specifically was really cool and my emotions in this post are not directed at them

Recently someone said it was "easy to forget most trans women are normal about trans men," and I was scolded because me not thinking that was horribly transmisogynistic was apparently a sign I'd lowered my standards as a trans woman because I'm too discourse poisoned, so now I'm even more self-conscious that people will start to see me that way no matter how much I try to insist over and over that TRFs are a vocal minority.

Meanwhile I continue to get asks calling me a pickme and comparing me to Blair White. I continue to have ten people respond to my every reply going "don't listen to Velvet she's crazy and hates trans women!!!!!".

So yeah. It is, actually, easy to forget that sometimes.

Especially since I'm stuck in a tiny southern town without even the option to make use of what meager community exists in the area because there's no one to drive me several hours to the state capital for their annual Pride stuff. I can't just go outside and be gal pals with all the vast numberless hordes of Normal trans women. I would be shocked beyond fucking belief if I saw two gay cis men in my fucking zip code. With my personal situation I can't even be social with cishet people anyway, let alone other queers, let alone all the trans women others perceive as Normal because they've knowingly been in the physical presence of another trans person a single time in their life and have the option of making that happen when they want it to.

Thank you for the support, anon.

[yuhi-san]

I sat my ass down and put some meta thoughts into word that have been swirling in my head for ages for @tristampparty day 9 Brad and luida

Because i wont be finishing the planned story on time, soo

Brad, Luida and ship three went in completely blind when it came to how to handle vash being an independent pant. They had nothing to go off on and as far as they knew, independents were a theoretical possibility but vash was the first one they encountered (not even luida had the clearance to see anything that could contain mentions of tesla). Vash isn’t really human but he isn’t like a dependent plant either.

I made a post about how that regarding how vash initially seemed to go through a human lifecycle a lot faster, until they realized he just stopped aging at a certain point.

The other thing I wonder is, do brad, luida and at least some of the others know about tesla?

The answer is, im sure it will never come up in canon. And I guess people are inclined to say, no way would vash ever open up to anyone about it.

But I think brad and luida know. Not much. Maybe just that there was an independent before them and she had died from the experiments done on her. Just these two things is all vash ever said.

Because see, in stampede vash came to ship three when he was still very small. It became his home, he actually bonded with all these people, they are like family. And he was still very young when the traumatic loss of his arm happened.

It changes the dynamic between him and these people a lot compared to trimax and 98.

Vash doesn’t have a regular prosthesis but a cybernetic one (or three if you like me follow the hc that his legs are prosthesis as well). also there is metal and hardware (?) on his chest and stuff. But even

My point is, those aren’t things he got from patching himself up or went through shabby surgery in a back alley or something of no man’s land.

 Initial surgery when luida brought him back aside, that must have been ‘experimented’ with vash to some degree because they knew nothing. Can he get sick? How does he response to medicine, to painkillers? To anesthetics? Vash bleeds but does he have bloodtypes like a human? What are they supposed to do when he lost his arm? Give him a bloodtransfusion like they would with a human and hope his body wont reject it? Throw him in a plant tank and hope that the plants can do for him what he does for them?

And even if they were kind and patient and understanding and reassuring about it, there must have been so many moments where it was literally just trial and error because they simply had nothing to go on. It must have been so scary for vash.

But especially with his arm (and possibly his legs). It’s an cybernetic arm. There are cables and shit directly connected to his body. It’s not a regular stump he has, it’s a port, its hardware embedded in his flesh.

And surgeries are scary, especially for kids. Its normal to be afraid of them. But vash must have been beyond terrified by the mention of it. Far, far more so than could be reasonably explained as a normal reaction. So I think vash told them because he was too terrified, too afraid, didn’t know what else to do or say. A hysteric outburst more likely than calm communication.

(“There was an independent before us. They experimented on her. She’s dead.”)

It was terribly for everyone involved.

But, like even if vash didn’t tell them.

At some point, he made the conscious and active decision to trust this people so unconditionally. Despite his rocky start with them and what had transpired with the blackbox, they could reassure vash that he was save and no one would do him any harm.

Vsh trusted them enough to let them put him under, take a scalpel to him, change his body irrecoverably but he would come out of it alright, wouldn’t endure any unnecessary pain by their hand.

Like, if you think about it like that, after the horror of what happened to tesla that shaped him and nai so much, vash found it in himself to trust these people with what then and possibly still might be his biggest trauma. And like rem had promised, he didn’t end like his sister

[princess-of-the-corner]

So I was ranting to my mother about ML and how I hate Chat's lack of importance in the narrative and how he constantly gets sidelined, and after going into the details, she joked that Chat is Ladybug's sidekick.

Which got me thinking (always a dangerous affair). How WOULD things change if this wasn't pitched as an equal partnership? If Chat was purposefully given the sidekick label by the narrative and the characters? For argument's sake, let's say that Marinette had some more direct training from Fu before he sent her loose with the miraculous, but Adrien wasn't Discovered TM until after that time period, so Mari is more experienced and also still has more important powers.

I don't think Chat would feel as much resentment about being edged out and not trusted with secrets, because that's not his job anymore. He'd still be a bit salty about being lowkey replaced by the other temps, but nowhere near as much.

But I also think it might make him take more initiative to prove he can be trusted to do and know shit. Nobody, including him, holds the assumption that he's entitled to the same responsibilities and knowledge, so he might be more active and deliberate in showing Ladybug that she can lean on him. It'd encourage more open communication and responsibility from him, but I think it might also make him kind of reckless and desperate by constantly throwing himself at problems before anybody else gets a chance.

I feel like that may take pressure off Ladybug too. Whenever Chat starts to goof off, I don't think she'd feel as put out or upset about it, because it's not immaturity from someone who's supposed to be putting in as much legwork as her, it's someone she's supposed to be mentoring, so I think she'd treat it more like when Alya or Nino do something silly and dumb. Still "Not the Time or Place," but a lot less "You Should Know Better" happening.

It'd probably change the lovesquare up a little bit too. Not by much, since Chat is functionally her sidekick in canon, but it would add a few more parallels between Gabe and Nathalie, which could be fun. I also think that her being his outright teacher would take Chat's idolizing of Ladybug and crank it up to 10, which would kind of put him on par with how Marinette feels about Adrien in the earlier seasons (they both over-idealize each other in canon, but I think Marinette is probably worse about it).

In general, I think an acknowledgement of that dynamic between them might make their relationship less. . .tense, for lack of a better word. Just. A lot of miscommunication and shit might be cleared up if the two of them had different expectations for each other and themselves in the LadyNoir context.

I also think it might open avenues for Chat to do Fun 60s-Robin-Style Sidekick Shenanigans, which would be VERY entertaining, and it would DEFINITELY change up the tones of the New York special and how they interact with UV and Sparrow.

Idk, just interesting thoughts I had after subjecting my mother to my sleep deprived rambling.

So I do wanna address at first like.

This might just be how it's worded, but it makes it sound like Chat only feels /entitled/ to knowing secrets because he's there while doing nothing to prove himself, and also that him 'goofing off' is a constant problem.

Which is quite the opposite. Chat is putting in just as much effort as Ladybug, he's just given the short end of the stick because...... literally no in-universe reason. Like I've seen some people argue 'it's because Mari turned in the Grimoire to Fu while Adrien didn't', but Adrien took the book and was gonna bring it to Ladybug's attention, he didn't know about Fu. Hell, Mari didn't know about Fu at that point! Tikki told her! For some reason Plagg didn't tell Adrien.

He's even stepped up and asked 'hey please give me more responsibility, even if it's something 'minor'!'. Like offering to help Ladybug hand out and recover the Miraculous from the various temps he knows the identities of. He's just shut down and called a hindrance who would fuck it up.

Meanwhile Chat goofing around rarely causes problems. It /can/ of course, but it rarely does. Usually Chat is able to be both silly and effective, and when his silly nature does cause problems he typically backs off and reorients into focus mode.

But also this really highlights how it's so dissonant in the narrative. Chat is sidelined not because there's any in-universe reason for him to be sidelined, but because the writers want to sideline him

Anyway:

While I think some of Adrichat's frustration would be lessened if he was a 'sidekick' character in the first place, I think there'd be less changes and more just a re-contextualizing of the actions. Instead of 'Hey I'm supposed to be your partner but you're treating me like a sidekick(at best)', it's more 'I know I started as your sidekick but I think I've done enough that I should be respected as a long-term teammate who's been here for nearly every fight over the people who have been in less than i can count on one hand'.

[selfportrait27]

Ween fans of Tumblr. Come over to ween.wiki and help us build a new knowledge base for future fans.

I didn't start the wiki, I just got pissed off a couple of months ago and posted this on r/ween. To my surprise, people actually listened. We now have a few regular contributors, but it's time to start reaching out to the rest of the Ween web, and I'm starting here on Tumblr for a reason.

The fuck-you spirit of Ween and punk rock seems to have actually survived on this platform. Despite Tumblr's best efforts, this has mercifully not become a Nice Normal Place for Nice Normal People. There's a beautifully unhinged quality to all Ween fans that still circulates in the air supply here, that when you see it on reddit for example, you know that it's being allowed to happen.

Anyway, check out my original post on Reddit, or you can read the text below. Then saunter back to the Ween Wiki house and take a look around. If you see anything you think you can help with, go for it. You can find my user page here.

Full text of my post from r/ween:

If you didn't know, there is a Ween wiki just sitting there waiting for us to fill it in.

I know it isn’t very well maintained or reliable. That’s because we’re not using it. It’s a community database, not someone’s personal website. It’s supposed to be maintained by the fan base, that’s the point of a knowledge commons.

Let’s say, for example, if 50 of us make one quick, low-effort change to the wiki in the next month or so. That would already be a big improvement. If it’s the first and last time for you, you will have made a contribution.

Here are some little things you can do anonymously, without an account or a username: 

~Add lyrics to a song.~ 

Change lyrics that someone else added. (It updates instantly, this isn’t genius.com.)

Add a page that you think should be there - you can leave it blank for others to fill in if you don’t want to do it.

Delete something if you think it’s wrong -  you don’t need to have something to replace it with in order to do this. Removing something counts as a contribution. If it turns out to be right after all, it can be put back.

Ditto if you see a citation that you don’t trust - you can just remove the source. Now it’s a ‘citation needed’ situation, which gives others an opportunity to do something.

Correct a minor spelling error, it can literally be that small.

Don’t share private material without permission, but other than that, it can be just about anything at this point, as long as it keeps the ~recent changes page~ ~active.~ Even if you’re new and you don’t know much about Ween, you almost certainly know something that isn’t there yet. Remember you can edit anonymously, so nobody can give you shit if you get it wrong. What they can do is change it.

A few notes:

Why do we need this, when we can just ask someone more reliable? Because it’s too much pressure to expect any person to be reliable all of the time*.* It might sound counter-intuitive, but having a community database that “just anyone” can edit actually creates more accountability, because we’re all responsible for its content, rather than expecting a few people to do all the work and get everything right. This is an opportunity to make a contribution to the legacy of Ween and their fan base, one that’s at least a little better than the stew of info and misinfo that’s out there now. It’s also a chance to help ensure that the good work people are doing on projects like Ween Archived doesn’t just end up getting mixed in with all the bullshit~.~

You don’t need to know what you’re doing. I’m a tech-moron - seriously, my 80-year-old father probably knows how to use Media Wiki better than I do. Even I figured out how to make a few basic edits. We’re going for minimal effort here, so even if you think it won’t make a difference, it will only have cost you a minute of your life.  Do a sloppy, half-assed job. Make a tiny improvement to someone else’s sloppy, half-assed job. Do it now or later - a community database is a long term, ongoing project and there’s no deadline for anything.

But people will just use it to troll? Yeah, they might. They can already do that now. If that’s what you want to use it for, you’re going to anyway. Here’s a couple of things worth remembering:

Nobody needs to put in a ton of work only to risk having it spoiled. There’s enough of us that your individual contribution can be as tiny as you want, and it still counts.

Again, anybody can delete information, so dealing with troll entries doesn’t just fall to one person or a few people. It’s unlikely that we’re gonna have a troll problem that’s too big for the rest of us to handle.

Sorry to be cheesy, but if we’re too scared to do anything, then my friends, the trolls have already won.

One last thing. You can do this and still hate everybody and complain as much as you want, nobody can take that away from you. You can even feel better about complaining, knowing that at least you did something. And if you want to tell me to shut up, who the fuck do I think I am etc, then you’ll still have plenty of time to do that too.

Come on, people. Two children who couldn’t play their guitars yet started a band without a drummer, and we can’t build a better community wiki than this, with all the tools in front of us? Of course we fucking can.

[moonshynecybin]

it’s probably been said already but rosquez howl’s moving castle

INSANE!!!!!!! vale's tiny earring vaguely androgynous wizard swag... old man marc... this got long?? under the cut

and see the thing is. i think this is a unique kind of torture for someone like marc. truly. like marc knows he's hot. marc enjoys people thinking he's hot. even in this universe, where he's sadly running the family shop so alex doesnt have to, i simply must believe he has six pack abs and is in fact invested in making people look at them. like he views his body as a machine, hes very active, he would NOT enjoy all of the new aches and pains and limitations that come with being magically EIGHTY. so after the witch of the wastes (uccio?? someone jealous and in love with vale LMAOO) brushes in to the hatshop that night and hates marc on sight/fundamentally alters his body, i think he IMMEDIATELY starts militantly looking for a solution.

the solution: the wizard valentino is this oft elusive but INCREDIBLY charismatic wizard known by whisper and rumor to a. be insanely powerful and b. eat the HEARTS out of his young suitors. and marc (CRAZY MAN.) goes oh well im not hot anymore so he wont do that to me. i will make him fix me! and then he invites himself into vale's home and refuses to leave! says i am your new HOUSEKEEPER. and you will help me break my curse thank you :)

BUT: instead of a mystical and powerful wizard, hes confronted with the HOT GUY that he met several weeks ago that he helped escape from the witch of the waste's GOONS. he was like. walking home. and vale (in his big poofy shirt) whisks him into a scheme... looks at marc all bright eyed mischief... and marc hasnt had any enrichment in his enclosure in so long and just feels LIT UP from the inside, falls into step with vale immediately, matching him as they go. feels ALIVE for the first time since alex took his apprenticeship in another town... so he helps vale escape, flirts with him a LOT and laughs even more. smitten. but crucially and unfortunately, he also has NO idea who vale is throughout this. so later when he walks in the door and finds out that the guy he has a major crush on is also THE WIZARD VALENTINO. who also has a small FLEET of HIGHLY SKEPTICAL teen boy apprentices that marc is now kind of in charge of coparenting and like. convincing to clean their rooms, its a bit of an insane time to be marc.

so some WILD but highly amusing control freak behavior from marc ensues.. lots of little frictions as he arrives... pushback from the kids, vale acting cold and dismissive, a brand new body that doesnt do what he wants it to do... but after a while, marc MAKES space for himself. forcibly improves their lives. settles in to a FAMILY and CRUCIALLY starts emotionally fulfilling the little feral animal inside him that yearns to throw himself off of motorcycles at high speeds. get this many adrenaline seeking freaks that know MAGIC in one place and they are inventing new types of danger Know This. marc is with vale and the kids doing insane shit. and for the first time since he took over his family's shop, he is allowing himself to do what he LOVES. find his purpose. enjoy a community. relieve some of the crushing weight of familial responsibility. its literally the best hes ever felt. and he is. SO in love. so so in love.

BUT im gonna pull something from the novel here: marc is also an incredibly powerful sorcerer. has been forever. he just has NO IDEA. like i see marc literally his entire life using magic in little ways to influence all of the crazy thrill seeking stuff that he's done, but entirely unintentionally. but vale fucking knows. could see it the second they met. in FACT. marc has already broken his curse (marc doesnt know that). but he likes sticking around vale. so he's unconsciously keeping himself old so he can avoid leaving. truly, like when he isnt thinking about his body and hes normal and happy he looks like his actual age. marc with silver hair just laughing with vale and the boys... smile lines staying there but wrinkles fading more and more as time passes... he doesnt want to go back to his old life!!! back to being unremarkable in the hatshop like he knows he should!!! and everytime he remembers he looks decades older... but vale doesnt want to lose him either. so he doesnt tell him. but he also vant make a move with it hanging over them like that... so they live in a fraught equilibrium of pining that is also lowkey a marriage LMAO. like you are coparenting. jesus.

EYE THINK. that the breaking point here is alex returning at some point. talking with marc. and marc is. SO happy to see alex. smiling as hard as he can. but also he looks older than he's looked since he first arrived. all of that responsibility and guilt rushing back for abandoning his life at the hatshop. and it TEARS into vale like omg i am keeping him here selfishly away from his brother.... so he sends him away, "breaks" his curse. and marc thinks hes being DUMPED. and thats how the divorce happens....

[galaxysharks]

HSMTMTS Maddox Autism Analysis

I had to use my laptop for this one, cause I'm not about to write all this shit on mobile. However, I shall not be adding gifs and pics to this one, cause i don't have those on my laptop, and i think there is a limit to those anyway. This one's long, and not guaranteed exhaustive cause my memory is Meh, at best.

Anyways, Onward!

General Info

So just from Promotional Material for Season 3

Maddox:

Techie Who always follows the rules.

The most excited person for Camp.

Hates Change

Comes to the same camp every year

From these, we already can see the building blocks of a targeted interest and a need for routines. The always following the rules is reminiscent of Autistics not breaking rules due to simply not thinking to.

Once the show itself aired, Maddox pretty quickly showed multiple indicators as well. For the sake of organization, I'm going to break these down as Tics and Tendencies and give a few examples, rather than by episode.

Irritation/Panic at unexpected changes in schedule

Saylor mentions frequently that Maddox is really struggling in Season 3 because for the first time, something is drastically disrupting this yearly escape. Unlike Ricky who, while panicking at the change, is able to actively work against it, Maddox struggles with fighting the change and usually must physically remove herself to prevent a more extreme reaction.

Maddox begins already thrown off due to Jet being sent with her to camp.

Dislikes when the Auditions is interrupted by Jet arriving an hour late.

She isn't hanging out with EJ this summer, likely due to feeling thrown off that he brought an entire troupe of friends.

Literally everything in Woman in the Woods - and going to her hiding spot to avoid a full meltdown.

RCOSL changes how she normally does the set direction in order to cause drama - again runs off after her and Jet's fight.

Really struggles with Madison's initial appearance at camp.

Realizes she signed to go to NZ before getting with Ash, and completely removes herself from the post-production celebration that LITERALLY every other character attended.

Very Literal Speaking

Several times when Maddox accidentally gets herself in trouble its because she says something that doubles as a pointed metaphor, even though she was being literal.

"...that kind of bond is....Forever"

"...you just got to commit to one side, of the boat....or else you'll fall in..."

"You have two minutes" - and actually timing it

"....and well, life has other plans..." - not realizing Ash could take this as an attack on her relationship.

"...Yeah my crystals haven't charged in like a month" - thinking Jet is literally taking about what she was actively doing.

Scripting

Maddox has multiple moments where she communicates using a clearly practiced script, and a few where she struggles once someone doesn't react how she expected and she did not have a response ready.

Shallow Lake Welcome Song

Introducing herself in the Honeycomb

The automatic little Thank yous when that one kid compliments her at a few points in the season.

The safety information on Newbie Night

The Woman in the Woods story is scripted - she gets interrupted and starts mixing up scripts when trying to get back on track.

Truly awful improvised scripting during RCOSL. Also not having the words to tell Carlos to lay off the whole 'hot for Jet' thing.

Memorizing all the lines she would need as a PA on the flight.

We literally see her scripting her confession to Ash.

Fumbling through talking to Ash about the NZ move, as she didn't think it was a conversation she was going to need to have.

Info Dumping

When Maddox gets excited, she frequently starts info dumping without thinking about it, usually while also kind of tuning out whats happening around her.

Several times in 3x03

Talking about her favorite nigh before she realizes no one is listening.

again when leading the group to the tents, when she is giving the rules and safety information.

Info dumps about rising signs before Ash gets upset and leaves.

general tips for color wars with Gina in 3x06

Snapping

Maddox tends to snap when deciding what to say to someone.

When she calls out Carlos for changing the cast list

We can hear a snap when she first asks Ashlyn if she was a Leo rising

She snaps when getting annoyed at Jet and Ricky when she directs them

She snaps after finishing her script for confessing to Ashlyn

Tapping/Clapping

Maddox claps and taps things when idling or when she is in between actions. Generally, if she's not got her hands in her pockets and isn't holding something, then she's doing this.

Maddox taps her hands together after Ashlyn catches her attention about the letter.

Clapping hands together as she talks when entering the honeycomb.

Taps on the set pieces when not using the drill.

Claps her hands with the paper star when Carlos suggests she likes Jet.

Taps on the bunk beds while talking to the girls after Camp Prom.

Taps on the broom while cleaning after Opening Night.

Claps her hands while talking to Ash in the hallway when walking to set.

Taps the tree stump that Ash hands her.

Shaking Things

Not as common as the tapping, but if Maddie is only using one hand she tends to shake the object she's holding.

The Letter to Big Red

The Markers after signing the wall.

The pamphlet on PA barking

Facial Expressions

Maddox's face tends to either be way more expressive than expected for the response she is giving, or way less. When she is alone, or with friends/Jet, her expressions are more free. she spends less time guessing and just lets her face to whatever its going to.

During RCOSL, her expression is almost unchanged, probably due to having to think about it constantly.

Once Newbie Night started going downhill, she paid more attention to seeming fine.

She is a lot more open in the fourth season, except with Quinn, where she remains professional.

Special Interests

More than pretty much everyone, Maddox has clearly defined interests

Camping

Set Design

Production

Possibly 80's style Camp Humor/Horror

Avoiding Adverse Stimuli

Okay so Maddox has exactly ONE coping mechanism, and its removing/Distancing herself from the situation.

Stands by the stage instead of joining the crowd on Welcome Day.

Does not return to the Bunks until very late.

Sits alone brooding when Jet takes off

Goes to hiding spot after scary story is interrupted

Stays by the wall for much of movie night

Building set/Managing costumes alone, instead of adjusting to help.

Operates more or less ALL of stage alone using a switchboard. Including in Season 4, when we know she has stagehands available.

Goes to hiding spot after argument with Jet.

Goes to probably commit balloon homicide before Jet stops her.

Hides from Ash to avoid NZ conversation.

Mentions that she doesn't actually attend Camp Prom all that often and normally goes to prank the boy's bunks.

Its okay, she'll probably get better about this with her now robust support system.

Anyway, there is definitely more, but this is what i can remember without immediately re watching the show again and going episode by episode.

[jen-with-a-pen]

If people aren't comfortable reblogging fics to their blog (which I am not, due to a personal history of being doxxed and humiliated to my irl friends and family), are comments sufficient enough engagement or would you rather that reader not engage with your work at all?

I feel like that came out sounding passive aggressive but I truly mean it as a genuine question and am just not sure how to rework it to sound less snarky! I see this discourse on and off from different fic writers and respect both opinions and think everyone should be able to curate interaction with their fics as they see fit.

Hi, anon.

I've been thinking carefully on how to respond to this. I can tell you're not trying to come off as snarky– which i say as someone who can't read tone for shit most of the time and whose own tone can come off aggressive or bitchy when I don't mean it to be.

I'm gonna address your ask as thoroughly as I can, if that's cool. Sorry if it's a long response. I'll put a cut in so I don't interrupt feeds ✂️

First, I want to pose a question to your question, which I mean genuinely with no spite whatsoever: why are you on Tumblr if you're not reblogging or don't even reblog?

As I've stated in other replies to the post I made a few weeks back, from the way I see it, Tumblr is literally built upon the foundation of sharing creations and content. There is no dead-set algorithm here like there is for Instagram or TikTok. Sharing is, quite fucking literally, caring here. We are able to form communities of all sizes because we share things. Reblogging is essential to the upkeep, and quite frankly the existence, of fandom and communities. Without sharing, our communities crumble and become ruins. We are actively seeing this as we speak: many mutuals and authors I follow are starting to quit writing due to passive, demanding consumption patterns and 0 engagement.

I know you probably know this, but I thought I'd restate it for answer's sake.

To answer the meat of your ask, I will pull from both personal experience and mutuals' experiences and input.

In my own personal opinion, if you are solely commenting on fics and are not engaging in anything else (no likes, no reblogs, etc.) then I personally think that Tumblr is not the site you should be on and, frankly, you should go sign up for AO3 if that's all you're going to do.

And I mean this earnestly. If all you want to do for engagement is commenting, then AO3 needs you because sharing does NOT affect authors nearly as much over there as it does here. In fact comments on AO3 are the literal equivalent to reblog on Tumblr: we don't get any and when we do it's like finding an oasis in a never ending desert.

Now in terms of what mutuals and other authors have said on the matter, it seems the consensus is that commenting without reblogging is a case-by-case basis. I'm going to quote a mutual of mine here:

"...if someone is commenting on my work but not reblogging… I'd say it's case by case. If it's just MY fics they aren’t reblogging, then it'd be a problem, but if they don’t reblog ANY [fics] I'd be more okay."

Another mutuals also put it this way:

"... I feel like there *is* both sides in this sense; yes comments are nice and engaging even though they aren't the preferred and most helpful way to boost writers..."

I feel like both of them put it into words where I struggled to. I will also say that I do agree with the point being that if you're not gonna reblog ANYTHING– no art, no content, no photos, no other fics, nothing– AND your profile adheres to the guidelines set forth in basic Tumblr etiquette (not looking like a bot and not a minor) then sure, comment away.

The verdict, in summary with my opinion and mutuals': it depends on your behavior and your interactions with other works and content.

I hate the word content but I couldn't think of another one.

But, my question still stands: why are you on Tumblr when you don't even participate in the basic fundamental function of this site?

I also wanted to take the time to address the other part of your ask regarding the doxxing and people finding out your identity.

It has been very widely known for (close to) two decades now that Tumblr is the place where you can have an anonymous identity. Truly. I've been on here for the collective half of the last decade and have been on the Internet for a little more than half my life, now, and Tumblr and fandom are literally the biggest and best places where you can be someone else. You can be completely anonymous.

The common denominator, however, is you.

The amount of information you have on your blog is what you choose to put on it. If you state your real name, your state and city, have one of those (imo stupid) carrd things or whatever, then honey– and I mean this in the nicest way possible, truly– that is on you. I know for a fact (from good and bad experiences) that you have all of the power in the world to annonymize yourself while still maintaining yourself on the Internet. That make sense?

A couple of mutuals made very excellent points regarding this:

"...I have a best friend irl who has Tumblr and is so close to the fandoms I'm in, and she doesn't know I write here. I am anonymous on here. I'm suprised she hasnt connected the dots because my aesthetics are the same in real life..."

"...I personally think its pretty easy to be anonymous on tumblr. Especially since usually all we ask is you have that you aren’t a minor at the top of your blog..."

"...it's really easy to be anonymous on the internet [...] you can be an ENTIRELY different person on the internet..."

From that last mutual, I'll paraphrase and go off of another point they made: the fact that you do want to participate and comment negates your ENTIRE arguement because someone– anyone– can find you and your blog through said comment(s).

Your digital footprint is what you leave behind. So if you have your city and state and grade and real name and all this other shit in your blog or carrd or whatever, then you are the only one who is responsible for having put said information out there.

Hell, I've been mutuals with some people going on 2-3 YEARS at this point and the only other things they know about me is my state, general city vicinity, my cat, and what I do for a living. That's it. And we span from early twenties to married with a kid or two.

We are in charge of what we share and I implore you– as someone with a certification in legal information technology– to please educate yourself on your Internet privacy and digital footprint. Please take the time to think about your actions and the information you have online. I STILL do this to this day, even after getting certified and being on the Internet for half my life.

I am sorry that you've gotten doxxed in the past. Truly, I am. It's a horrible act and I hope you never have to experience that again. Please know I am not being dismissive of that nor trying to blame you for said acts.

But it all comes down to you at the end of the day. In general, it's you, your actions, and the consequences of your actions. And if you happen to be a minor, then I strongly urge you to rethink your decisions and maybe step away from social media and utilize critical thinking in order to asses your situation and who you surround yourself with, both online and offline. I wish I had someone to tell me that when I was 14– fuck, even when I was 18.

And I mean it when I say AO3 might suit you more than Tumblr. If any fandom site has more capabilities to be anonymous than Tumblr itself, it's AO3.

Anyways, I think that's all I have to say for you. My DMs and ask box are always open and I am open to more commentary on the matter and related ones so long as it is civil and respectful. I refuse to stop having this conversation.

Thank you for listening ❤️

[defira85]

I've got an hour and a half left of the year so let's be introspective - 2023 was pretty fucking garbage, and that's saying a lot after the mess of last year

It was the first time in 8 years that I struggled with active thoughts of suicide again

I really wanted things to get easier this year after the shit that went down last year - the sudden death of my mother-in-law, being absolutely dragged through the mud by my Covid infection, and a colossal mess with work when my boss developed Long Covid and ended up taking 5 months off of work. I thought that, given time, the grief would become easier to manage, and the work stress would ease up when my boss returned to work in January, and my health would be manageable

The larger cracks started forming in around April, and in July I started seeing a psychologist again. The decline got worse around August, and by late October it was... well. It was that.

The grief never got easier. I'm still waiting for it to be something bearable, but I think the fact that she died of a very traumatic heart attack and - for those who have been paying attention to my posts - I run a practice for a cardiologist means that I have to go into work every day and look into the faces of people who don't want to take medication for their hearts, and who don't want surgery for their hearts, and I want to shake them and tell them that they're resigning their families to unbelievable trauma and heartache that is literally preventable... it's not the same job as it was eighteen months ago

Add on to that the fact that our receptionist got more and more aggressive towards our preventative health measures as time wore on to protect the doctor and enable him to keep working with Long Covid and literally keep us employed, resulting in massive outbursts from her in October and November that I had to just sit and take because I had to be the professional even while she was lashing out and treating me like shit

It's been hard. It's been really hard. Last year was garbage but god this year was bleak

I tried getting back into fandom this year after the start of the pandemic just killed my spirit dead in the water, and it's been miserable. 2020 was only 3 years ago, but the difference in 3 years feels so so stark. The bleak silence in response to "content" instead of community like I used to see and partake in is so demoralising and so humiliating. I write because I have stories I want to share, but who am I sharing them with? I don't know! The numbers tick very slowly up, so SOMEONE is reading, but I don't know them from a bar of soap. I've tried joining conversations in a couple of fandoms on tumblr and it all fizzles out to nothing. Everyone and everything is on discord these days, and I'm just not interested in that for fandom

No prophesying for 2024, but the receptionist quit on the last business day of the year, so I never have to see her again. I'm terrified that the doctor will decide we don't need to replace her and will expect me to be his receptionist and nurse and secretary and practice manager and hospital bookings manager all in one... without the pay rise to match, and without the acknowledgement that I absolutely cannot do all of that by myself without help. I'm glad the bitch is gone but I'm so miserable thinking about the coming years work. My doctor wants to do more mental health stuff including eating disorder stuff and it's exhausting still trying to get that under control when I'm nearly 40

I don't even know what the point of this post was. It's not a happy one. Maybe it's good to spew it all out here with the intention of leaving it in the past

I just don't know what the future holds. I don't know what to hope for anymore. I just want this year to be over though

[passthroughtime]

coming to your ask box to tell you that what you said about kuwana being protective of yagami is real and true actually. if kuwana weren't so busy trying to keep himself safe, he'd be doing more to try and keep yagami out of this (though he also desperately wants to be with him more). kuwana knows that yagami can handle a few scratches (and an explosion apparently, lmao) but he would take it very personally if anything ever happened to yagami ....i think. perhaps we're having shared delusions

thank you jichan, you're still the only one ever

yeah. though, he knew if he just went and disappeared without letting yagami know where he's going, it would kinda slow his process of getting into shit and endangering himself, even if for a bit. if kuwana actively and purposely involved him into everything, yagami would be in much more trouble i think. killing him was always an afterthought for RK, but if he'd be involved with kuwana more, well... it just paints a target on his back. and yagami wouldn't try to hide. he has ties to other people, he has something to lose.

so pushing yagami away and out of this all was a bit "two birds with one stone" kind of situation

though he also desperately wants to be with him more

yeah lol, i just realized that when kuwana gives him the pendant so he'd help ehara, he says that yagami is the only one he can trust with it, and like, really? you have lots of accomplices whose actions you can literally control, jeez, man xD

and of course kuwana suspected (or anticipated) that yagami would use this against ehara, so there's that also. but. his motivations are a mess, so we can be a little delusional about this as well i think

and an explosion apparently, lmao

explosion is nothing compared to all injuries yagami suffered in the end of JE, kuwana figured, he can survive a little explosion <3 it'd be good for him <3

but he would take it very personally if anything ever happened to yagami

no no, you're right. i mean, he does beat himself up over sawa, as well as mitsuru. he couldn't not feel responsible if this case would lead to yagami's demise as well. if anything, i can't say that kuwana doesn't care about other people. he even cares about his students even knowing that they despise him (i can't stop thinking about the fact that he agreed to meet with yagami so they'd release mamiya... it's not like he was afraid she'd spill everything, i mean, he tells yagami about a lot of things himself)

or maybe i really want to think that kuwana is a better person than he actually is. idk.

tbh i doubt my characterization of them a lot, hence all these disclaimers lol. and i really want to know other's opinions and why i can be wrong in how i view them? i mean, we are a small community. i can see people disagreeing with me, though in silence. but i want to discuss this, because i strive to see all sides of things, and i think it's fun to take their relationship apart again and again

i re-watch quite, uh. let's say, often the cutscenes featuring the two of them, and sometimes the moments where there's only mentions of them. i've started to write an "analysis" of each scene and their (presumed) reactions to their interactions, because it really does make things clearer in my head. i'm replaying the game rn, trying to see anything beyond my insanity lmao, but it's still just one view on things, you know? i really want to have a discussion and see where i can be wrong. and just... it'd be fun to listen other people talking about my favourite characters.

(is this approach insane? of course! but i'm having fun at the very least, and if i can have fun two years after i've finished LJ for the first time, well, i'll take it.)

when i say that i think about them a lot, i really mean it lol. (that's not my first rodeo, so business as usual for me.) but even if i strive to open-minded, and even if i re-visit canon again and again, it's hard to not be biased about lots of things.

and, yeah, i'm really glad to hear that you agree with me on this hc. but even if you, or anyone else, didn't, i'd want to hear all about it

[jeannie-youre-a-tragedy]

Seeing a starving child in the street next to a capitalist laughing and counting money, then running up and kicking the child while shaking the capitalist's hand when I realize he's actually a hero of the proletariat for exacting revolutionary justice on the filthy imperial core through price gouging

:D my first hate anon over communism! lovely to see people with nothing better to do have started taking an interest in me, i'll be answering questions all night!

anyway, to answer your question dear reader, it's amazing how, let alone reading comprehension, just a little literal textual reading of the thing i assune you *just* read would be needed to see that i do hold sympathy for the disenfrenchised working class of the imperial core, against my best impulses because you guys make it *very* hard. i continue to believe in internationalism! as a very direct and pragmatic response to global capitalist oppression, it's a very important tool, and i hold out hope for decolonialism coming from communist projects that exist in the colonial empire of the US.

i love the word picture you paint here. i hope you'll let me counter with one of my own.

there's a kid, who for these purposes, like yours, represents the imperial core's working class. this kid does chores and has an allowance. this is possible because of the status of their parents, who have the money to spare to hand their kid out an allowance. these parents, however, are systematically denying the kid of any sort of meaningful amount of money, giving them a pittance (up to you, because i don't know what a "dollar" is) to keep the kid reliant, as economic power is one a parent can reasonably hold over a kid. this means the kid, given less and less money, cannot buy goods from other adults. this is bad for the kid, and we're going to make a little leap that this is somehow lethal (though as a stand in for the entirety of the working class the kid will not actually die, moreso just suffer as if.)

the parents, with control over the earnings of their child and some sort of control over the prices of what their kid will buy (presumably through regulating it and not letting the kid buy things by themself), will manage to set prices to actually benefit them, to continue profiting over the child they control. (the "greedy capitalist" and "the kid" are in fact directly related in the social dynamic, you see.)

this is of course, a shitty fucking situation for this kid!

but there's a clear thing we need to consider.

how are the parents getting this shit?

for, again, the purposes of this analogy, there is another kid, in another neighborhood. this kid gets significantly less (if any!) allowance from their parents, who put them up to that work. this kid makes the stuff for their parents to sell to the first kid's parents.

the parents of the second kid are not nearly as rich as the parents of the first kid, but they get invited to the grills, the cookouts, the pool parties, whatever it is you americans do. but they are still less rich, and actively exploit their kid even more.

the first kid however treats the second kid with contempt, ignoring them at best and bullying them at worse. this is the ingrained philosophy the first kid's parents taught them. despite both of them being oppressed and exploited, first kid has an entitlement of power over the second kid.

both kids are in shitty situations. i leave it to you to decide any value judgement beyond that.

do you think the second kid would be entitled for speaking out against the fact that the first kid complains about their parents, after years of them bullying the second kid enabled by both sets of parents?

have a nice night anon. i hope this clears things up.

[2af-afterdark]

I'm in the VERY VERY vocal minority about this but tbh I'm kinda glad that the angel units are behind paywals. Bc their stories are really dicey and I am NOT strong enough for the discourse that would come out of that. Like, I understand this whole ordeal was handled terribly but I'm just trying to look for silver linings at this point.

Also I doubt pb will learn their lesson. They got their money already and this announcement was just salt in the wound. I wasn't surprised that the angel units wouldn't be added to the main gacha. Plus they only seem to work well with other angel units so putting them in the main gacha would dilute it further. Though I guess since a lot of people are saying they're Uninstalling so maybe they'll see it plus their emails are probably getting blown up.

All in all. It's disappointing but unsurprising. I at least wished they'd just given us S rank Gabe as part of the challenge since he's technically in the game. But as soon as I saw that it was L rank I knew they wouldn't give it out for free.

Sorry for rambling. I'm just holding out for the main story at this point.

Okaay so, maybe I'm not communicating this well but... having limited time cards is not the issue for me. The issue is how trash PB's communication is and how predatory and money-hungry they are being. They should have said in the announcements that the angels would be limited time and not added to the pool. I get certain cards being only for a limited time (that's what most gacha do). The issue was that they said nothing until later, which establishes that they can and will change the rules whenever they feel like it without warning. It doesn't have to do with if the units are good or bad. They could literally be the worst units in the game and I would still be upset because of what they are communicating to the players; that we are not worth keeping informed.

I admit that I am not happy they are paywalled, but that's because I'm never happy when cards (a huge bulk of the gameplay for a gacha) are completely paywalled. I find it gross and predatory. Also, it may sound heartless of me, but this game has so many problematic elements that if people get spicy over the content with the angels... I don't know what to say? The game is very open about what it is. It has many dub/noncon elements, intense kinks (two of them are literally decapitation and necrophilia), violence, etc. If the angels are the thing that starts the discourse, I will have to wonder who ignored all the other similar shit without saying something. If the cards are going to start discourse, they will do that regardless of the paywall. But, again, idk why they would when anyone walking into this game should already be aware of what it is.

And, no, I don't expect them to learn their lesson. The only way they would learn anything is if it hits them in the paycheck. The fact that people pay for Solomon Seals continues to encourage PB to use Solomon Seals to earn money. Unless the whales stop spending money on these practices, PB will keep using them (they why I don't, even though i am one person and my resolve means little in the grand scheme). Unless the sudden evacuation of players are whales (who seem to be the only ones PB cares about at this point), I doubt the company will notice.

Gabriel though, does genuinely upset me. Like I said in a previous response, battle pass systems like this tend to have free rewards and paid rewards. The rewards are usually the same but the free path gives out the main reward much later (think earning the card at level 200 for a free path versus earning it at level 120 for the paid path). This is usually fine because, though difficult, both paid and free players can earn the final reward. It's a small way of rewarding players for, you know, playing the game. This is especially true because battle passes require frequent log-ins and active participation. But Gabriel, the ultimate reward for the battle pass, can only be acquired after doing all that work plus spending $60. I find that gross.

I'm a whale. I do spend money on this game, but I am careful about how I spend that money. I pay for the daily log-in bonuses (the extra AP and keys). I have bought several event packs. I own every sticker pack. Basically, the only thing I don't do is pay for Solomon Seals. I simply want PB to not alienate a huge chunk of the players just because they can't, won't, or don't want to shell out money. It's about the principle of the matter to me.

As for S-rank Gabriel... He's okay. He's a good unit in battle, but he comes with no intimacy (so no comic, info, etc). Also, my guess is that they wouldn't add him to the general pool afterward either. After all, Minhyeok wasn't added after he left. Plus, my guess is they don't want to do that since they plan to release more packs, including those that sell Gabriel. Less incentive to buy his pack if you can just earn him in the general pool.

[asherlockstudy]

Random Rhink realisations that came to haunt me as I was trying to sleep;

(Under read more so you don’t hatebomb the half-asleep messenger)

Link has a very different way of talking about his 13 minute sessions with his wife than about his frequently mentioned, very consistent yearn for very long sex with what seems like tantric qualities, even if it takes a toll on the frequency of sex he’s having. The face of the man describing the typical sex he is having and the face of the man describing his dream of very passionate, intense sex are like seeing two different faces. How to put it into words; if these were the same man, then the passionate man would ensure even a bit that this bad craving for intensity, duration and bonding (as I perceive) would bleed in more in his regular sex sessions… right? It would be crucial to him. At least there is not much indication that he takes initiatives to achieve as much as possible for this in his sexual life (the part of it that he has actually described publicly). He also wishes he could cum multiple times and in short wishes for a heightened type of sexual experience that doesn’t resemble much the average straight male preferences, to which Rhett seems to be closer (often, quick and a little rough).

It is interesting to pay attention to the movies Link says he would like to watch; he has mentioned Brokeback Mountain more than once I believe. It is a movie he is interested in watching but actively postpones it out of… what, fear? The plot is literally a blonde and a brunette cowboy bonding and eventually becoming lovers, and really falling hard in love, but it stays a secret and they return to their wives especially because the blonde is terrified of coming out. And then the ending is BAD and all this shit might be hitting a little too close to home. Let alone that the one point of reference Link once made was that he had “heard” that the sex scene, their first time, was very unrealistic or simply very traumatic for the bottom guy (brunette). And if you know, you know (I may or may not have said something relevant in another post). Also, interesting that this was what resonated with him enough to point out, from all of a movie he had not even watched.

The second episode with fanfic enactment, I think, when they find out Link is pregnant and they return home, Link jumps on Rhett on the spot and Rhett suddenly bursts and calls out fanfic writers that “relationships don’t work like that”. There is an unstated semi-bafflement lingering over the crew and Link after he says this and I was so confused, why can’t couples who just learnt they are going to have children go home and be excited enough to want to celebrate their love and happiness immediately? What if Rhett referred to the mechanics of anal instead and the lack of realism in suggesting it could be done immediately and suddenly with zero preparation. He seemed like he was itching to point out the lack of realism in it. (Did not point out whether Link being pregnant was realistic or not 😂)

Topic shift: in the last EB they complained a little about the low viewership of the R&L videos but they acknowledged that the comments they get are very positive. Yet, there was still something they wanted to express but eventually didn’t. Both Rhett and Link attempted to say something two-three times but then backpedaled and made it a more generic statement every time. It really seemed that what they meant was that despite the satisfaction at getting positive comments and compliments on their scripted videos, they still weren’t getting the type of response and comments they expected or hoped for. There was the lingering implication that the videos are not getting well communicated, that their intent gets a little lost in translation. They said the meaning is perhaps not well understood, and I once again invite you to consider what such a meaning could be in a video like, say, We Dug a Medium-sized Hole. Hmm? In their EB talking about starting these videos they had also talked about the importance of checking what the videos would communicate to the audience. If it is what I speculated it was, then maybe the reason we are getting so conflicting behaviours from them, even from Link at this point, is because they had agreed to work the jumping out of the plane in tandem exclusively through this format, while nothing at all would change in the other formats, at least until they ensured the response of the viewers would give them the green light through their scripted videos. But they are not getting this response yet, so the process has been slowed down for now.

They said the videos still don’t make the money they cost but they are determined to keep doing them. Very uncharacteristic of them but very good news for me. Ideally they should be weekly for me lol. These videos come out every 4-5 weeks and I am always in withdrawal syndrome the first and the second week after the video. The third and fourth week I am good again and then the week of the new video it is a new experience that makes me a little anxious all over!

They have used the hashtag #blessed too often lately. Whenever I hear someone say this for themselves, weeeellll I get a little suspicious. Nothing from them ever shook me more than that time in an old EB, several years ago, the one about what makes a good joke, when Rhett said "we're fundamentally sad people". Link also goes on and on about how he is living his best life, yet it is not enough to keep him from some prescriptions. He did try to stop them around spring for a while, but his emotional / mental state made him resume the medication. Perhaps not everything is as ideal as all the hashtags and insta posts imply. In Rhett's solo episode, he was asked how he managed to figure out life and happiness in general. Rhett replied "when I know, I will tell you". So. You know.

I was watching season 8, 2015 and Rhett was right in saying Link at the time would never be so reckless in the things he did or said. He was always acting silly and all, but he was way more uptight about what could be said and what was risky. At the time Rhett said more questionable things than he did. But let me tell you: stuff was happening already at that time.

[system-of-a-feather]

Less moody about it cause - actually no equally moody but less bothered by it if that makes sense - but as much as I am glad to be working through the gender stuff with the system, or rather for the system until now, finding out just how deep this rabbit hole of misery goes fucking sucks and is literally draining as shit.

I think I'm getting fatigued cause I've been bearing it on my own for what, like three years? Solely to give Riku the time to focus and catch up on healing sexual trauma (which I've been responsible for monitoring and guiding them through) and so that Ray - who is our stability backbone - didn't have to endure or risk his stability for longer than needed when little could be done (cite Riku's sexual trauma being a blocking point for any genuine deep thought on gender at the time)

Like, in hindsight, and Riku pointed this out the other day, but in a polyfragmented system that is majorily transmasc, I'm the only part that has actively stayed focus on this and have kept a very intense tab and focus on it while juggling being the ferryman for Riku's sexual trauma recovery, the advocate for EPs for like a year and a half of that time, and the Persecutor Breaking-In Guy like

It's totally fair for me to "start getting burnt out" and if anything its really impressive that I am only NOW getting burnt out being the only one dealing with a topic that regularly makes me suicidal (not active but not passive either, a secret third thing - active but absolutely not doing it)

And honestly though, having dealt with that and been the ferryman through trauma processing of CSA shit for like 3 years and forcing persecutors to communicate their trauma and issues effecticely to help them, I REALLY don't get why anyone would think someone would CHOOSE to be trans or that it is anything but a group of people just trying to live life with a fucking shitty hand

Like I'm sure others would disagree, but as someone with a lot of trauma thats carried less experienced trauma holders through living inspite of what happened to them, dysphoria is literally the only mental / psychological / physical means of suffering that has ever had me **depressed properly** rather than any form of depression or hurt that immediately turns into a burning fire and rage of some sort

Literally raising myself, being a trained dog, regularly handing my dad his own ass on a plate in fights, dealing with an oppressive DID system, fucking America existing, first hand and second hand shit with sexual trauma, betrayal from the person who was supposedly our "only support" - literally dysphoria is the top dog of a beast I have ever had to push through

And the fact that some people minimize how much people with dysphoria could be struggling? It just blows me the fuck away

If you gave me the option to solve our dysphoria and all its complications in a snap or resolve our trauma and all its complications in a snap I would rapidly click dysphoria without hesitation and without consulting the system

Cause at this point I am the Trauma King. I'm the best at handling it and Im (at least one of) the best at dragging parts through Trauma Coping 101. And I'm also the dysphoria king, and as it is such a hypothetical situation would fall into my domain to make decisions on since I have the largest breath and experience with both

And it would be such an easy decision I kid you not.

But anyways, this is equally for the trauma / DID community as it is for the trans community. And for the transfolk out there, good god know your misery is valid and you arent being dramatic or asking for too much to have people respect you and make small changes to make your suffering slightly less

It shouldn't be needed, but if you need a socially normalized right to validate your hurt and need for aid, this post stands here as verification as a survivor of a shit ton of traumas that the suffering is absolutely, at the very least, comparable. If people can understand how bad it is to have to deal with PTSD let alone the shit thay gives you DID (diagnosed), there is at least one person out there that says dysphoria is more unbearable.

So what with all the American stages of transgenocide going on especially in America, I just wanted to let you know that they are the fucking atrocious people and whatever garbage transphobes say that might make you question your "choice" throw it in the fucking garbage.

Being trans isnt easy and wouldnt be anyones choice with how bullshit it can be

[princess-of-the-corner]

I mean, discounting everything that lead up to and happened in Kuro Neko as Maribug telling Adrichat to fuck off bc she doesn't need him is a super one sided and kinda disingenuous look at it.

All of Maribugs choices are stemming from her trauma. Trauma from heroing in general, from events like Chat Blanc in specific that make her wary of her own partner, and the trauma Fu accidentally passed onto her with both his own paranoia and sacrificing himself right in front of her.

Just like all of Adrichats choices, to hide his actual feelings for the sake of someone who's love he's been taught he has to earn, are stemming from the trauma he got from the massively abusive childhood his parents subjected him to.

Trauma isn't logical, or rational, so of course neither of these unsupervised fourteen year olds with the weight of an entire city on their shoulders are making logical or rational decisions.

And bc their issues match up in just the wrong way, Maribug losing her mentor and getting a butt load more responsibility dumped solely in her lap by said mentor who taught her not to trust her partner drop kicked her into a spiral that she unintentionally dragged Adrichat into by virtue of them being partners and working so closely together.

Maribug became Guardian out of nowhere, due to a tragic event she held herself responsible for. She'd been taught for an unknown amount of time, but presumably a few months, by a man who had more than a century to get stuck within a paranoid rut, and trauma specifically centered around her partner gaining information.

So when even more responsibility is dumped on her and her alone by her paranoid mentor, she's been primed for months to lean away from the partner who she should have been taught to trust and who should have been treated like her equal by their mentor from the start.

And Maribug leaning away from him unknowingly triggered Adrichat's own issues. He felt unheard and unnecessary as a hero and partner, just like he commonly felt at home with his parents abusive parenting styles, but bc he's been trained his whole life to bottle up his issues and be seen and not heard, that's what he tries to do with Ladybug.

And even though the actions Adrichat takes are more passive and quiet, verses Maribugs more active ones, they do just as much to aggravate both of their issues even further.

Maribug can't change her harmful behaviors if Adrichat is actively bottling up and hiding the pain she's causing from her, which meant she just pulled away from him even more without realizing how she was making him feel until he just quit, possibly seeming to her like it was a bit out of the blue, and actively adding onto the massive workload she's already been saddled with.

And these aren't issued that either of them should be expected to somehow get a handle on and get over and fix all by themselves at the age of fourteen.

Honestly Adrichat and Maribug just need one single, solitary adult in their lives who gives a shit about them and actually teach them to communicate and also get them into therapy.

Anyway, tl;dr, fuck the Guardians and Su Han in particular bc so much of this stems from their abusive ways of teaching that kicked off literally everything in the series and started the cycle of paranoia Maribug (and by extension everyone in her life, hero or civilian) is the latest victim of

Oh yeah no it's.

I totally get why they're both like that and don't think she was doing it just callously.

It's. It's basically how I write the Chloé/Sabrina cycle Up of trauma in HC/LL. They're a match made in hell because their trauma responses feed into one another.

Marinette's trauma response is to clam up and take on all responsibility herself, shoving away anyone who wants to help. Adrien's trauma response is to pretend things are fine and do whatever he can to please the people he cares about.

Which means that unless acted on by a third party, they're going to keep circling and getting worse