#this is why i lie in the first place like to avoid these convos like . its 4am and theyre playing gaga inside can we pls go dance ….

[vampmcr]

also me lying by telling this girl i met that i was originally italian and turns out she was italian too PLEASE .. i had to be like haha joking xxx im syrian . and then got the classic talk abt war and politics and got asked if my parents are immigrants and if they were homophobic etc etc .. white ppl will never be normal .

[maidragoste]

hiii can i request a jace velaryon x reader where they are betrothed and jace is head over heels for her but she doesn’t want to get married because she knows it’s a political marriage and she doesn’t think jace likes her because he avoids her (not really “avoids” but tries to keep distance by ending convos quickly or not sitting next to her during mealtimes etc) due to his crush and being nervous around her.

ps. i’m so sorry for you loss, my cats are my babies so i am sending you an extra tight hug :(

Hi, anon, thank you very much for your message 🫂🫂 I hope you are well 💖💖

I'm sorry it took me so long to finish your request but I hope you like the result 🥰🥰

As I always say, likes, comments and reblogs are very much appreciated because they motivate me to keep writing 🤭💖💖

Disclaimer: English is not my first language so I apologize for any mistakes.

To say that you are excited about your engagement would be a lie.

Well, actually, at first you were, after all, every girl's dream was to marry a prince. But any fantasy of a loving marriage was put to rest with your fiancé's attitude.

Jacaerys Velaryon is not a bad man, he is not rude or treats you badly. But he clearly doesn't like you. Every time you try to have a conversation with the prince he finds a way to excuse himself to quickly end any interaction with you. When he arrives after you to the dining room and you smile at him giving him a clear invitation to sit next to you, you always end up disappointed because he is going to sit next to his brothers. But you never felt so humiliated as right now. You thought he would ask you to dance, you were sure he was watching you from the other side of the room and when you saw that Prince Aegon, King Viserys' son, gave him a push towards where you were sitting you thought it was to encourage him to ask you to dance, but when Jacaerys approached instead of offering you his hand he gave it to Baela, who was sitting next to you. You stared at your lap feeling deeply embarrassed and wishing to go home.

Maybe the problem was that Jacaerys wanted a Valyrian bride and instead, he had to settle for you, a noble girl without a dragon or violet eyes. But if that was the reason why Jacaerys wasn't even forcing himself to make this not just a political marriage then you thought he was a fool.

You wanted the party to end so you could go to your chambers and write to your mother to beg her to convince your father to break off the engagement. You didn’t want to marry Jacaerys.

“Will you dance with me?”

You raised your eyes from your lap to see Aegon Targaryen, your fiancé’s younger brother. You felt mortified, you must have been such a pitiful sight that the kid decided to take pity on you and put you out of your misery.

“It would be an honor my prince” You took a while to reply but Aegon never got nervous, in fact, he seemed sure that you wouldn’t refuse him.

The little prince led you to the dance floor like a good gentleman and the two of you began to dance. You honestly thought that he would at least step on you by accident once but the truth is that he dances very well.

“My brother can be quite a fool sometimes,” Aegon said, drawing your full attention, and if you weren’t already so upset with Jacaerys, then you would have told him he shouldn’t talk about his own brother like that. “I think he acts like that with you because you make him nervous.”

“That sounds foolish,” you said, not allowing yourself to have any hope that your possible future brother-in-law is right.

“I told you, he’s a fool,” he said with a small smile before spinning you around.

You were shocked when you finished spinning and found that your new dance partner was none other than your headache: your fiancé. You tried hard not to feel anything when his hand took yours and his other hand placed itself on your hip.

“You look beautiful,” Jacaerys said, surprising them both because he hadn’t planned to say that out loud. “It’s not that you didn’t look beautiful the other days, you always look beautiful,” he quickly clarified, afraid that he had offended you unintentionally when he saw that you remained silent.

You bit your lip, trying not to smile when you noticed his nerves. Maybe Prince Aegon was right.

“Thank you, my prince. It’s good to know that you don’t displeasure me.”

“Displeasure me? “Why would you think I displeasure you?” His pretty brown eyes looked at you distraught.

“Because you don’t spend time with me,” you answered obviously. “You seem to prefer being anywhere than being with me. It’s a miracle that you’re dancing with me right now.” There was no harshness in your tone but Jacaerys still felt embarrassed. “You know your brother told me something interesting, I’d like to know if he’s right or wrong,” you said, drawing the prince’s attention.

“What did Aegon say to you?”

“He told me that I make you nervous and that's why you avoid me,” you replied cheekily and watched with delight as a slight blush appeared on his face upon being discovered.

“I am so sorry, my lady."I shouldn't have had such a shameful attitude,” he apologized, realizing that because of his nerves, he had given you the wrong idea. It had never been his intention to make you think he didn’t like you.

“I will not accept your apology,” your words were like a slap to him and he couldn’t help but tense up. You weren’t even married and he already managed to upset you. “At least until I see your change of attitude,” you declared and felt excited as you saw his eyes fill with determination. Suddenly he seemed to have gained confidence.

"I'll do it. I will reward you,” Jacaerys promised, determined to be a better fiancé and not disappoint you again. He wanted to lay the groundwork for a good marriage with you.

“I can’t wait to see that,” you smiled, and he quickly returned your smile, feeling happy that you were willing to give him another chance.

Taglist for all my House of the Dragon works:

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hotd masterlist

[yeostars]

When ATEEZ members get jealous as ur bfs, reaction post !

Hongjoong:

• tbh, he gets jealous quite often, even at the smallest stuff but most of the time he manages to conceal it well.

• He's immediately besides you and whoever that guy is that you're enjoying talking to so much, my man would literally burn holes with his eyes whenever he's jealous. seriously, he gives such an intense stare to the person he perceives as a threat, although he trusts you a lot, he tends to get a little too protective of you...... cuz he loves you so much, ofcourse. He clings his arm with yours, sending a signal that you're ready to go.

•"Who even was that?" He asks, annoyance oozing in this voice as you turn back to him. Or "I didn't know you were that close...." would be his classic statement whenever a guy he doesn't know seems to get a little too close to you.

Seonghwa:

• Seonghwa tends to get a lot more clingy than usual whenever he's jealous. Not just clingy, but he'll purposely call you as "honey" "sweetheart" "babe" repeatedly in front of whoever made him jealous and protective of you in the first place.

• Something like "babe, we're getting late, let's go." he says, while entering the scene, emphasizing on the word babe a lil too much.

• As he says this, he'll eye up the guy in front of you up and down, almost in a judging manner, and effortlessly snakes an arm around your shoulder, bringing you closer to him, as if sending him a signal that you're his and his only. After you're done conversing with that guy, he'll literally jump on you, asking "what did he say to you?" demanding all details of your convo with him.

Yunho

• Another one who gets jealous more often than he wants to. If y'all remember, yunho himself admitted once that he "gets jealous too much/often" soo it's safe to say that he would be quite possessive of his s/o.

• When he notices that you're taking too much time conversing with whoever is your "new company", he crosses his arms, sighing as he watches you both, and matches towards your direction with a blank expression and sour smile (which looks kinda scary tbh)

• And then, voilà, you're getting dragged impossibly closer to him by the waist. His arm slides under your waist sideways, his grip firm and tight and that has goosebumps forming all over your skin. He doesn't even make eye contact with the guy in front of you, practically avoids him and once you're both alone, he says "do you talk to him often?" sensing that you do and he hates even the thought of you being close to him.

Yeosang

• Yeosang isn't really the jealous type. That's just how he is, and even if the slightest pang of jealousy hits him he conceals it so well that you've never seen his possessive side before.

• One day, you literally asked him out of the blue "you've never gotten jealous before, seeing me with some other guy, have you?" and yeosang laughs, literally LAUGHS because that was so random. but you sounded serious so he had to stop laughing and give you a reply. "what, you want me to get jealous? possessive? wouldn't that be annoying though?" he replied, staring at you. "why would it be? it shows how much you want me. i would actually love it if you act a bit possessive of me sometimes." you say, pouting, and yeosang just kisses your cheek, saying "alright, I'll try."

• And when the day comes when you ACTUALLY witness him being jealous for once, you're satisfied with his reaction. Yeosang noticed that you were gone away for quite a long time and went looking for you, only to find you talking to a guy he didn't know and you seeming to enjoy talking with him. Interwining his fingers with yours in a heartbeat, he asks "Hope I'm not interrupting? Y/n, love, let's go now, it's getting late." And when you're both alone, you pull his cheeks playfully, praising him and begging him to act more jealous like this cuz that's HOT of him (did I lie)

San

• He's literally both cute and scary when he actually gets jealous. He tries his best to not get jealous of the smallest stuff but sometimes he cannot hide his jealousy.

• He's the type to become restless when you aren't around. Literally staring at you both while sending death glares to the guy in front of you, his feet tapping impossibly faster on the floor.

• When he decides that it's his last straw when he notices the guy trying to get closer to you, he's there besides you in no time, smiling sweetly at you, not even acknowledging that guy. Placing a soft, quick kiss on your cheek, he brings your hand to his, suggesting you to check out those other food stalls with him.

Mingi

• He's DRAMATIC when he's jealous. When the princess itself gets jealous? It's over for you. You have to give him hundred times more kisses, cuddle him the entire night and hold his hand till eternity, all until he feels better ;D

• He'll barge in when you and the unknown guy are having a convo, introducing himself as your boyfriend. He'll literally tug on your arm sleeves, a small cute pout forming on his face and he stays like that until you exchange your goodbyes with that guy, finally alone with him.

• Rarely, he gives you silent treatment when he gets jealous. And you're always able to tell that he's jealous from the way he gets too quite rather than being talkative as usual. He denies it when you ask him about it, but immediately dissolves into a fit of giggles and a precious smile when you kiss him firmly on the lips and murmur I love you all over again. Really, that's all it takes for mingi to feel assured and happy.

Wooyoung

• 100 % scary when he's jealous. A little dramatic, might I add. He gets jealous quite often and doesn't shy away from showing that he's possessive of you.

• His last straw would be when you're flashing your incredible eye smile to that guy in front of you while talking to him, a smile that's reserved for wooyoung only. He appears being you in no time, back hugging you and wraps his arms around your waist tightly, placing his chin on your shoulder, sending death glares to the guy in front of you, not letting go of you unless that guy finally decides to leave.

• "What was so funny that you were laughing at literally every word he said?" Wooyoung asked, bitterly, lowering his eyes. "Don't worry, babe, he wasn't as funny as you. No one makes me laugh like you do, that was just a....fake laugh." You assured him, pulling his cheek playfully. He shrugs if off and makes sure to cling to you like a koala the entire day.

Jongho

• Something tells me that jongho hates admitting that he's feeling jealous. He does get jealous sometimes but it's mostly when something he senses someone else getting physically closer to you. He usually doesn't have a problem when you're just having a conversation with someone.

• So, when someone does try to get physically closer to you, he's there besides you immediately, snaking an arm around your shoulder. otherwise, he doesn't approach the person you're talking to since he doesn't want to come off as clingy to you.

• "I don't get a good vibe from him. He was trying to get close to you all the time." He admits, not out of jealousy, rather protectiveness. "If he was, i wouldn't let him. Don't worry babe, he was just an acquaintance." You assure him, kissing him lightly on the lips, causing jongho's cheeks to heat up as he hums, satisfied.

[utilitycaster]

i think it's telling that so many of the responses to imogen's convos with liliana and laudna were 'this is kinda fucked up and i am fascinated by it and am enjoying it' and but the response to THAT was like 'STOP trying to make everything toxic, ugh fandom never should've learned therapy speak'. like. ignoring that's NOT what that is, people are pretty clearly interacting POSITIVELY with these moments but because what they're enjoying is the parts that are messy, that's somehow bad too???

YUP! There are definitely people who use therapy speak inappropriately, including about Imogen and Laudna, and honestly I pretty specifically avoided using the word "toxic" (or "codependent") about their most recent interaction, but like...there is nothing wrong with enjoying the relationship for being messy! A good deal of the people who are calling it toxic or messy are people who support it and enjoy it! A good deal of people who don't particularly like the relationship for being flat and bland and the conflict constantly fizzling out into nothing, myself included, perked up at yesterday's conversation! It was fascinating: Laudna went to comfort Imogen and told her she loved her, and Imogen's response was to say "oh, you love me? well then why did you go running off to Delilah the second we were apart? why did you lie to me a second time [Laudna did not lie to her the first time, which by now Imogen knows]?"

I don't actually think Imogen's opinions re: Delilah are inconsistent - I think she very specifically started becoming uncomfortable after encountering Delilah in the middle of the night in Whitestone (and I think Laura said as much on a 4SD too), and so her previous assertions about digging into their power sources are not hypocritical. However, yeah, I think we should talk about how both of the two big kisses between these characters are specifically Imogen trying to cut off an emotional speech from Laudna - I don't think it is intended as manipulation, but rather coming from a place of profound fear, but that's still something you need to deal with because this is now three pretty significant cases of kicking the can of conflict down the road and it's only snowballing. I think we should talk about how actually maybe it's valid that Imogen, who has had to make a lot of difficult decisions regarding her engagement with Predathos's power and could be risking losing her powers through her actions, is frustrated that Laudna hasn't done the same with Delilah, but neither of them are working it out. Imogen is letting an assassination of her mother go forward - and I agree with her choice - and Laudna hasn't done anything to extricate herself from Delilah in 30 years despite expressing interest early in the campaign. Imogen is about to lose her mother because her mother declared her reliance on a potentially evil power as an inevitability and wouldn't listen to her, and Laudna's now doing the exact same thing.

And on the other hand, again, Laudna hasn't lied to Imogen. Imogen cut off Laudna's angry, hurt, and extremely valid rant about being betrayed by Bor'Dor by asking to kiss her and so Laudna, trying to make Imogen happy, never worked out these feelings and they've just been building up. Laudna can't express her fears to Imogen because Imogen will demonstrably cut her off. If Imogen is disgusted by Delilah, and that's not going away, what does that mean? Like, is the love enough? I don't know? Could be, but not without actually having a means of resolving all of these extremely valid hurt feelings, and they don't have that. And maybe some of us would like to have some resolution, and are getting real tired of the particularly dim children going "uwu let me have my cottagecore stardew valley dream you all are such MEANIES let people like things" which. Again, if the fact that other people want different things from this relationship is genuinely preventing you from liking things, that's entirely your problem, because I like all kinds of things other people dislike. If you cannot stomach any dissent from your personal interpretation and perceive it as an attack, that says a lot of things about you and none of them bode well.

There is a deeply frustrating tendency that is not limited to this fandom, nor to discussion of Imogen and Laudna, to deny that traumatized characters can hurt other people. You see it with some of the dumber discussions of Ludinus that presume he is specifically a survivor of Aeor (valid as a theory, but unconfirmed); his (hypothetical) trauma does not negate how many other people's lives he's ruined. Percy is deeply traumatized but he did still introduce the gun to the world. Fjord is traumatized but had he willingly completed Uk'otoa's unsealing that would have caused untold damage. Astrid is traumatized but she's still done terrible things as a Volstrucker. FCG and Yasha are both traumatized and both were not even in control of their actions when they caused their worst harm, and they both feel terrible about what they've done. I mean, touching on this episode, it is not actually a contradiction to say both "Liliana is traumatized and has been indoctrinated by a cult and is a victim of said cult and genuinely believes she is doing this for Imogen's benefit" and also "Liliana is a fucking shitty mom." These are both true. This is what cycles of abuse and generational trauma look like. This is what that "blorbo-centered morality" is; suddenly when it's your favorite character they can do no wrong and every explanation becomes, instead, an excuse.

I've been talking a lot about the harassment in this fandom and it really is like...look, I don't know if this harassment is coming, from some of those partaking in it, from a personal trauma. I do not want to ascribe shitty behavior to mental illness, because some people are just assholes. But if it is - it doesn't make it okay! If you are lashing out and sending hate because you project a lot of your own trauma onto Imogen or your own relationships to that of Imogen and Laudna and you perceive every bit of criticism as an attack on you, guess what! You're being a fucking asshole by trying to hurt other people and it does not ultimately matter that it might come from a place of your own hurt and you need to stop.

I've been going off about this and related topics all morning and so I do want to step back and say that I believe this is a relatively small group of people with an outsized toxic impact. I do think that many people are enjoying the relationship for its complexity and unhealthy, messy aspects, that most people would love to read more Imogen meta that covers her as a whole, complex person and not as a tee hee just a silly guy girlfailure. But yeah, I think everyone is getting increasingly done with the group of people who throw a tantrum and retreat into the most idiotic See Spot Run-levels of conflict fantasies whenever there's actual grit and friction and mess in the relationship.

[aemondapologistfrfr]

Dethrone - Chapter 4

Warnings: swearing and I think that’s it Authors Note: I’m too soft for this literal war criminal and want to braid his beautiful hair, ig this is like a filler but it’s cute and is one of my favs so far and contains more info and convos Word Count: 2.6k

⊹₊⋆☁︎⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆☁︎⋆₊ ⊹ ⊹₊⋆☁︎⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆☁︎⋆₊ ⊹ ⊹₊⋆☁︎⋆⁺₊⋆

I’m ecstatic Aemond is taking me to see Vhagar. It shocks me that he’s able to command the skies with her. She’s the last living piece of Old Valyria. I’ve heard stories of Vhagar and I’m excited to see if she is as glorious as they say.

“So where does she stay?” I ask curiously still following him.

“Near the dragon pits by the others. Theres a cave mouth on the side that she’s able to fit in.” he informs me.

“I always wondered if she would be able to fit in the pits. I would assume they could’ve made it her size since she’s been here since they were made.” I say trailing off.

“How do you know if she’s big?” he asks slowing his pace as we approach the pits.

“The only freedom I had in my life was the freedom to read and learn. I probably know Vhagar better than you.” I say with a sly smile.

“Then by all means, lead me to her.” Aemond says waving me to go in front of him.

“Of course, follow me. I don’t want you to get lost.” I laugh out as he gently pushes me forward.

“Putting your hands on a Princess is a serious crime.” I joke grasping my chest.

“And what is my punishment for such actions?” he says with a smirk getting closer.

“Usually death.” I say casually shrugging.

“Go on then.” he jests handing me his dagger.

At first I’m in awe of the beauty of the dagger and sit to admire it for a second. Then I realize he really handed me his dagger. Does he really trust me enough to hand me a weapon? Then again, he probably doesn’t know the extent of my training, or the fact that I’ve had any. I look back to him and he’s smiling and watching me.

“I thought so.” he hums and grabs his dagger back.

“Shut up and show me Vhagar before I take your dagger back.” I huff rolling my eyes.

“This way Princess.” he laughs and leads the way.

As we walk through the winding tunnels I can hear various dragons. The air gets more damp and warm the further we journey in. I end up falling behind from being distracted by my new surroundings. When I look ahead Aemond is no longer in sight. I know he’s close by so I’m not too worried.

“You need to be more aware of your surroundings.” Aemond whispers in my ear causing me to yelp and I turn around to glare at him.

“You need to be a better guide.” I grumble and push him back.

“Putting your hands on a Prince is a serious crime.” he smirks copying my words from earlier.

“Fuck you Aemond.” I roll my eyes.

“You shouldn’t let such words come out of your pretty mouth.” he tsks once again leading me down the hall.

We finally reach Vhagar and I’m speechless. She’s so much grander than described in the books. She’s massive and you can see the years written all over her body. I slowly walk up to her holding my hands out. I turn back to Aemond and he just nods his head encouraging me.

“Hello Vhagar.” I say softly greeting her. I slowly walk up to her and place a hand on the side of her neck. “Calm Vhagar.” I whisper as I place my other hand on her as she slowly starts to stir. I turn to Aemond and smile.

“Amazing.” he whispers looking at me in awe.

“Will you take me for a ride?” I turn to him smiling.

“Anything you want.” he says walking over.

Aemond leads me over to her ropes and helps me start my ascent. She’s massive and I won’t lie and say I’m not scared. It takes one misstep and I’m falling. Once I reach the top and get settled he takes his place behind of me. I try my best to avoid looking down at how far we truly are up.

“Have you ridden a dragon before?” he asks grabbing the reins.

“I have my own.” I say wiping my hands on my dresses trying to calm my nerves.

“Then why are you nervous? I can practically feel it radiating off of you.” he says softly readjusting.

“She’s just so big. It amazes me how you can fly and command her.” I say turning my head back towards him.

“Do you trust me?” he asks smirking.

That’s a loaded question. Somehow I do trust him. He’s been so open and kind. Since we’ve arrived at Kings Landing he has been the only person to show interest in me. My dreams have also lead me to this moment with him. How could I not trust him when I see us working perfectly together in the future.

“I do.” I say nodding my head.

“Good.” he says tightening his grip on the reins and leaning into me. “Fly Vhagar.” he commands.

Vhagar twists her way out of the large cave mouth and soon we’re practically flying straight up. I quickly wrap my hands around his in a death grip. Tears are forming in my eyes from the harsh wind. Once we even out I loosen my grip and relax back into his chest.

“Not so bad, right?” he asks leaning into my ear causing a shiver to snake down my spine.

“Just a little scary.” I respond squeezing his hands.

“If you wanted to hold my hands, all you had to do was ask.” he says chuckling.

“Aemond.” I scold turning my head back to him.

“Shh, just hold on to my hands.” he instructs lifting his hands off the reins as my hands grip his tighter. “Keep trusting me.”

He slowly lifts our hands up to our sides like wings. He moves his hands so we can interlock our fingers. I close my eyes and lean back into him. I’ve never felt this free in my life. We stay like that for a bit and then he slowly brings our hands back down to the reins. We fly in silence just taking in the warm wind and the freedom dragons offer us.

“Would you like to stop at a beach?” he whispers in my ear.

I nod in response and feel him begin our descent. The wind whips my hair violently and I’m scared that I’m blinding Aemond. It seems as if we’re flying straight down as my hands grip his tightly. He commands her to even out and slowly glide down to the beach. We finally land on solid ground again and I let out a large breath. It’s not that I don’t trust Aemond to fly and land us safely, it’s just the sheer size of Vhagar and riding her that intimidates me.

As Vhagar finally settles into the sand I’m blown away by the beach. The pale sand is a perfect contrast to the dark blue water. Further back from the shore there are trees tangling and growing together with all kinds of greenery. Wildflowers litter the ground around the trees freely.

“You can let go of my hands.” I hear the smirk in his voice. “For now.”

I groan at his arrogance and rip my hands away from his dramatically. Aemond lets out a low chuckle and begins getting off first and tells me to follow. I finally get on the ground and start to laugh when I see how messed up his hair is from flight.

“Care to tell me what’s so funny?” he asks looking down at me with a squinted eye.

“You’re hair is ruined.” I say in between giggles.

“And you think yours isn’t?” he smiles raising his eyebrow.

“Can I braid your hair?” I ask grinning tilting my head.

“If I can braid yours after.” Aemond bargains.

“Deal.” I agree.

We walk over to sit in the grass by the trees. There’s a light breeze surrounding us with the smell of the sea. The sounds of the waves crashing and the life around us fills our ears.

“Sit down in front of me.” I say patting the ground in front of me. He huffs out and sits down quietly.

“Can I take this off.” I ask trailing my fingers along the strap of his eyepatch.

“You may.” he responds.

I slowly remove his eyepatch and set it safely in my lap. I so badly want to ask him to turn around just so I can see his beauty again. I don’t want to push it too far so I refrain and focus on his hair.

“So how do you want me to do your hair?” I ask taking out the hair tie that was barely doing anything anymore.

“Whatever pleases you.” he hums.

I comb my fingers through his hair in attempt to detangle it. I’ve decided to do a couple little braids that meet in the back to make a new ponytail. I slowly start sectioning his hair trying not to think about him relaxing and leaning back into my hands.

“So what was it like growing up in Runestone?” he asks breaking the silence.

“Lonely.” I say honestly. “Once I showed interest in something it was taken away from me. I wasn’t allowed to see my dragon. Seldom allowed to leave my chambers. The only thing that they could use to get me out of bed was offering me training with different masters. Wielding a weapon brings me a lot of comfort and peace because it offers me control.” I ramble on hoping I’m not boring him.

“So you could’ve killed me with that dagger. Why’d you hesitate?” I hear the slight smirk in his voice.

“You’re more useful to me alive.” I joke starting another braid.

“Mm, how’s that?” he asks chuckling.

“If I tell you a secret will you keep it?” I lean in and whisper in his ear.

“Of course, now I’m intrigued.” he hums as I finish the next braid.

“I’m a dragon dreamer.” I whisper.

“Are you actually?” he inhales sharply in surprise.

The surprise in his voice settles me knowing my ability isn’t public knowledge. I finish up his last braid and tie them together. I pick some wildflowers around me and place them in my lap. I grab small white and lilac flowers making sure they’re free of thrones. I gently push them into strands of his braids and smile when I’m done.

“I am.” I whisper. “This is going to sound crazy-“ he cuts me off.

“You’re not crazy. My sister is also a dreamer.” he reassures me with a soft voice.

It makes me feel more at ease that he knows another dreamer. I feel a little weird about telling him about my reoccurring dream. What if he doesn’t even like me? Maybe I should come up with something else so I don’t scare him away on the first day we meet. At the same time I feel like he wouldn’t react poorly. I don’t know if I’d be able to handle his rejection after years of searching for him.

“Can you turn around? I want to add some finishing touches.” I breathe out trying to change the subject.

“So what is it?” he turns around and is now facing me. He’s looking at me so intensely I feel like I could combust. I see him smile when I start to pick up the remaining flowers. I lightly place the flowers near his hair line like a crown. Once I’m done I sit back and admire my work.

“You’re staring.” he smiles bringing me back to reality.

“You’re just so pretty, Aemond.” I whisper.

“That’s the second time you’ve called me pretty.” he notes. “And the second time you’ve avoided telling me what’s on your mind.”

“Would you prefer me to call you something else?” I tilt my head.

“I’d prefer you to tell me your dream, you’ve piqued my interest.” he hums. “It’s my turn to do your hair.” he helps turn me around.

He carefully undoes my braids and shakes my hair a bit to bring life back to my curls. I can feel him start to braid my hair and I’m honestly surprised he knows how. His movements are so delicate I feel like Kaenna is doing my hair. I know I have to tell him something and soon or he’ll just keep asking. I don’t want to lie so I’m just going to tell him my dream and hope for the best.

“I’ve had a single constant throughout my life and it is one particular dream. It never changes, only becomes clearer.” I say nervously playing with my nails.

“Go on,” he urges me as he continues to braid my hair.

“I’m at my wedding, on Dragonstone. My hands are bleeding and bound to a man with blinding white hair that flows down his back.” I whisper as I feel my cheeks heating up. “I know every detail of this man besides what his face looks like.” I explain trying to keep my voice steady.

“The dream blurs the cuts to another ceremony with me and this man. A coronation. For us.” I switch to High Valyrian.

“Oh, you intend to marry Aegon.” Aemond clears his throat. “Turn around for me. I have to place your flowers.” he says flatly.

“No you misunderstand. It’s you. It’s us. I’ve been searching for you for years. For my entire life.” I whisper and he stops placing the flowers instantly.

“And how could that be? I’m a second son and you’re a daughter.” he squints his eye skeptically.

“We’ll figure it out. We can do it. I’ve seen it.” I say suddenly nervous that he doesn’t want this and I’m starting to sound like a crazed usurper.

“And you want to rule at my side?” he asks plucking apart a flower somewhat nervous and avoiding my eye contact.

“Yes my King.” I breathe out nodding my head quickly.

His eye snaps to mine and studies me. I watch him as he delicately starts to place the flowers again. He’s biting his lip in concentration and I can’t help but to just take him in. I’m scared of this silence but I know it’s a lot to take in, especially from someone he just met. Gods I should’ve held my tongue. My mind is racing through the different scenarios that could come along with me telling Aemond so hastily.

“All done. You look beautiful.” he smiles to me warmly. “My Queen.” he whispers making my eyes shoot to his.

“Do you mean it?” I ask searching his face nervously. “Or will my head be on a spike by sundown?” I half joke.

“You are safe. No harm will come to you. I promise you this.” Aemond says brushing my cheek with his thumb.

“I know it probably sounds weird but I’m just happy and relieved to finally have found you.” I say closing my eyes and leaning into his hand.

“Your gift is not weird. I wish your father never hid you away. You deserve to be out in the world.” Aemond whispers sincerely.

“I hope to see it all someday.” I reply wistfully looking off at the sea.

“We have time to make that happen. Together.” he says as he gets up and offers me his hand. “For now we should head back to Kings Landing.” he says as I accept his hand and rise.

We walk back to Vhagar and make our way up her ladder. I feel more confident this time riding Vhagar and now I can truly enjoy it. I feel completely safe with Aemond behind of me as he guides this giant piece of history. I know we have a long and dangerous journey ahead of us but I’m confident that we will prevail.

[terraliensvent]

cool story did you know we can check the discord for messages youve sent? anyways here’s screenshots of V being guilt trippy and weird

https://ibb.co/NW0z6JD

https://ibb.co/kDfXVH6

https://ibb.co/TPX4Ljc

https://ibb.co/ngWcnrX

https://ibb.co/PNB0P2Z

not huge crimes by any means and I wouldn’t have brought it up if these supposed meat riders decided to lie about it ‘being about a game’ or whatever. the behavior in these screenshots tends to make people avoid you, shocker. there are way too many examples of this person interrupting convos to overshare as well. As for the ‘it’s not your business’ ones, that’s a totally okay stance to have… but if you don’t want strangers asking why bring it up in the first place?

my point originally was people can be ignored for justifiable reasons and you cant force anyone to like you. what made me sus was that it’s super weird to go onto a vent blog and talk about a SPECIFIC person (who isn’t you) getting ignored while doing nothing about it yourself. hence my original ‘conspiratorial’ post (lol at anon for confirming my hunch, not a very good defense tactic)

the defensiveness has honestly only convinced me it’s V themselves considering their past. its weird that they have such a large group of friends ready to suck them off when they get vaguely mentioned on a drama blog but are still “ignored” in the server. we didnt need your backstory and you dont need to defend your honor to a bunch of shit talkers, just like you really dont require attention from randos on a discord. anyone can lie about not using tumblr, were all anon here. watch: I do not use tumblr!

anyways wrapping this up, just pro tip, this entire argument could have been avoided had you guys just ignored my ask. its very weird to try and defend yourself or a friend over such minor grievances because they got anonymously mentioned on a vent blog.

post related

yeah these are pretty weird things to say and its understandable people dont really wanna continue a convo with someone who says stuff like this

especially with the first ones, like if you dont wanna talk about it then why did you even bring it up?? it gives the same energy as someone sighing really loudly again and again, then when someone asks whats wrong, they get all dramatic and say its nothing.

and anon you put it really well here, i dont have much to add to your last few points since theyre really well summed up

so conclusion: V is guilt trippy, and whiteknights coming out of the woodwork to defend you really only makes things worse

thank you for coming to my ted talk

[juszar2]

Nothing....?( I like to show flaws... It is convo for Rot... Like bait). You just cannot believe the illness and low life people who exist in the world. I am a homosexual Rot enemy's fantasy. You won't believe who is following your life. It asked to hide and pretend to be me. To be someone's life long fantasy and they get aggrieved and sick and display it. I don't want to be a homosexual's fantasy and it uses a low life liability to act out its life long fantasy as me... Would offer its body. This type of sick is new to me but professionals seeing this explain how it is clinical and mental illness. Vile

And so he said... Nothing? No dancing ever. Does he take you to dinner often? Has he taken you to see the National landmarks that you like? Does he take you to experience nature like you enjoy? Travel in the world?

None of the above. Hides in life. Does not step forward as a leader. I was saying nobody would ever understand how it feels to know that you wasted so much. God gave you and extra portion of all things and you wasted it. Fear of wasting my intellect and ability forces me to pursue endeavors. I teach the same... Considering someone else's feelings and protecting that has allowed me to live life on their low level terms. Their cowardice, their low standards and thinking there was decency and nobility and personhood made me do that. God made me an amicable type of person though with a hidden David and Joshua spirit. An Arabic really clam and casual curly man bun husky beard stethoscope cannot believe my life. He asked me when I'd be available. I said to do what,... and he said life. I want to say to him and I have in a sorta way... But what horror will you bring? He's not a coward , believes in achieving, respects my effort, is a leader, has a bed... And a place of his own to put it. Does not f with Rot. That is first, is offended by Rot and knows how detrimental to even let them make your acquaintance. And he knows that he is cool, you can't tell him, but he knows why he is cool and it is character, family is important and dignity is his religion. And still... Being a stethoscope is common for those our age in that geographical location, so that ain't it. But that he does not or at least has not met someone like me is really interesting. And again.... I digress.

It's really interesting to know that I was not meant to stay here. Second mistake. First was to accept the requests of a toilet paper. God gave me so much and I put it in a toilet. And it is not erasable, nor can I get a year back. I could be consulting my man about best strategy to ensure the success of the final great person yet beginning to pursue it. The more that is shown of what he is, the more disgusting and I cannot believe I wasted it all. Only someone with dignity and any tenacity any class and care could understand what I mean. I'm not haughty nor. Too much pride... And.... I never took a photo for years of my life. Modest and humble forever until really recent years. But I have lived this life being me and I know what I experienced daily. I also know possibility and I am clear on how I failed myself. I would have Not had to even know him then... There would be nothing that the Rot could use in my life. They wouldn't even know where I went in life. So sad and such waste and those who cautioned against it know well what I lost by accepting. I like to erase errors completely, as much as I try to just avoid errors all together. I really made an uncleanable mess by getting involved with this trash. He would lie about his ethnicity... I have to take that in. How did I not know that something really bad would be down the road.

What is wild is that the Rot as they were what they call "setting up" or simping my life, they had the community whom I don't even know watching or keeping up. They were talking about what the toilet paper said he was going to do to my life. Wild, as if I were a celebrity and I believe this attention was just too much for him. It made him relevant in a way that he must have deep inside wanted to be. I try to understand from a perspective as someone receiving attention daily for life, and not interested in it...so he is not used to that I guess. Colluding was and identity for him even if being a low life. It was like oh the Rot, cause they know its Rot, the Rot is harming that beautiful kind smart and dignified woman that was a figure in community employment. Now they have thrown her on a pedestal, a homosexual enemy from childhood said it wanted to be appreciated and noticed too, it could try and simp the toilet to get into my life and be relevant too. Seriously aggrieved. That homosexual kept saying and posting that it wanted some "shine". So I guess it never shined either other than to look like what it has displayed. They were literally commenting on me as I am a private person. Told them all what they got this toilet to participate in and folks just watching me like I'm celeb. Watching my life, still likely I'm sure. I have to be away for privacy. Wild. It's like a fan and a hater at the same time. It is sick. This low life ass wipe serving as Judas.

[lavellander]

hello im feeling extra “touch the stove”-y today so. i was looking for any dialogue where solas just straight up lies and (of what i could find online/transcribed, obv) i didnt find anything that was 100% untrue. he’ll completely avoid the question, change the subject, give part of the truth, etc etc etc, but nothing was just Entirely A Lie

what really gets me is that there’s a handful of convos where someone infers something from what solas says, and he will even point out that he didn’t directly say that. like, he tells people how to see through his shit, lmao

here is an embarrassingly long ass list of examples, all sorted by what kind of not-lying he’s doing lol, just bc i am unhinged<3

*note that some of these are cut from longer bits of dialogue or have been split up from one conversation into different categories*

literally just Not Answering The Question lol

Dorian: How much “will” do they have? They’re amorphous constructs of the Fade. Solas: Hmm.

Dorian: Solas, have I offended you? Solas: If you have, why would it concern you?

Dorian: Solas, what is this whole look of yours about? Solas: I’m sorry? Dorian: No, that outfit is sorry. What are you supposed to be, some kind of woodsman? Dorian: Is it a Dalish thing? Don’t you dislike the Dalish? Or is it some kind of statement? Solas: No.

Dorian: Let me get this straight, Solas. Dorian: You’re an apostate – neither Dalish nor city elf – who lived alone in the woods studying spirits. Solas: Is that a problem for you?

Solas: [has a whole tactical moment about the red jennies lmao] Sera: Where d’you get all this, then? Solas: Do you wish to be unnerved by another tale of my explorations of the Fade? Or do you wish to learn something?

Vivienne: You must be pleased with what was revealed at the Temple of Mythal, Solas. Solas: Why should those ruins please me, Enchanter?

changing the subject before he backs himself into a corner

Gatt: I don’t see any tattoos, but you’re carrying a staff. Are you from a Chantry Circle? Solas: No. And I would prefer not to discuss it.

Solas: I find the fall of the dwarven lands confusing. Varric: What’s so confusing about endless darkspawn? Solas: A great deal, although that is a different matter.

giving the truth, but not the whole truth

Blackwall: Skyhold. How did you find it? Solas: I looked. Blackwall: Now you sound like Cole. You looked? Solas: This world is full of wonders for those who seek them.

Blackwall: You spoke of seeing death and destruction. Did you fight in a war? Solas: There are struggles across Thedas at any given time. I doubt you would have heard of it. Blackwall: An elven skirmish? Solas: In a manner of speaking, yes.

Cassandra: Solas, have you always lived alone? Out in the wilderness, as an apostate? Solas: For the most part.

Cassandra: Have you ever encountered templars before? Solas: Only at a distance. I am an apostate, after all. Cassandra: And they never caught you even once? Solas: I am a very careful apostate.

Dorian: We found elves, living ancient elves, at the Temple of Mythal. Does that bother you, Solas? If Inquisitor allied with the Sentinels: Solas: I am pleased we were not forced to kill them, if that’s what you mean.

Iron Bull: You’ve got an odd style, Solas. Your spells are a bit different from the Circle mages or the Vints. Solas: That comes from being self-taught. Solas: I discovered most of my magic on my own, or learned it from my journeys in the Fade.

Vivienne: So, an apostate? Solas: That is correct, Enchanter. I did not train in your Circle.

Solas: You are a man who made a choice... possibly the first of your life. Iron Bull: I’ve always liked fighting. What if I turn savage, like the other Tal-Vashoth? Solas: You have the Inquisition, you have the Inquisitor... and you have me.

from cutscene at beginning Inquisitor: [mentions the anchor closing a rift] Solas: Whatever magic opened the Breach in the sky also placed that mark upon your hand. I theorized the mark might be able to close the rifts that have opened in the Breach's wake – and it seems I was correct.

from cutscene at beginning Solas: [to a Dalish Inq] You are Dalish, but clearly away from the rest of your clan. Did they send you here? Inquisitor: What do you know of the Dalish? Solas: I have wandered many roads in my time, and crossed paths with your people on more than one occasion. Inquisitor: [Crossed paths? dialogue choice] Solas: I mean that I offered to share knowledge, only to be attacked for no greater reason than their superstition.

from “I’d like to know more about you” convo in Haven Inquisitor: What made you start studying the Fade? Solas: I grew up in a village to the north. There was little to interest a young man, especially one gifted with magic. But as I slept, spirits of the Fade showed me glimpses of wonders I had never imagined. I treasured my dreams. Being awake, out of the Fade, became troublesome.

actually telling the truth but no one picks up on the gravity of it

Solas: [...] I believe the elven gods existed, as did the old gods of Tevinter. But I do not think any of them were gods, unless you expand the definition of the word to the point of absurdity. I appreciate the idea of your Maker, a god that does not need to prove his power. I wish more such gods felt the same. Cassandra: You have seen much sadness in your journeys, Solas. Following the Maker might offer some hope. Solas: I have people, Seeker. The greatest triumphs and tragedies this world has known can all be traced to people.

Cole: No, inside. I don’t hear your hurt as much. Your song is softer, subtler, not silent but still. Solas: How small the pain of one man seems when weighted against the endless depths of memory, of feeling, of existence. That ocean carries everyone. And those of us who learn to see its currents move through life with their fewer ripples.

Cole: You didn’t do it to be right. You did it to save them. Inquisitor: Solas, what is Cole talking about? Solas: A mistake. One of many made by a much younger elf who was certain he knew everything.

Solas: Empires rise and fall. Arlathan was no more “innocent” than your own Tevinter in its time. Solas: Your nostalgia for the ancient elves, however romanticized, is pointless.

Solas: Our people used to be here. Sera: Pfft, you say that everywhere. Solas: It is more true than you want to believe.

Vivienne: You must be pleased, apostate. With the Templars dissolved, your rebels will be most difficult to pacify. Solas: My rebels? Am I an agent for their cause, whispering poison into the Inquisition’s ears? Solas: How comforting. Vivienne: You enjoy seeing yourself as a villain? Solas: No more than any other clever man who wonders what he could do if pushed.

Vivienne: [about the Temple of Mythal] Now you know the elves were once a mighty nation. Solas: I always knew, Enchanter. The Temple of Mythal is just another reminder of what was lost.

(in the Emerald Graves): These forests have changed much since I was last here.

during the Fade!Haven cutscene Solas: It seems you hold the key to our salvation. You had sealed it with a gesture... and right then, I felt the whole world change. Inquisitor: [romance option] “Felt the whole world change?” Solas: A figure of speech. Inquisitor: I’m aware of the metaphor. I’m more interested in felt. Solas: You change... everything.

pointing out that people assume he means things he did not directly say

Cole: There is pain though, still within you. Solas: And I never said there was not.

Solas: You may well become fully human, after all. I never thought to see it. Cole: When did you see it before? Solas: I did not say that I had.

Iron Bull: We’ve got the alliance with my people. Given how much you love the Qun, I figured... Solas: I might scold you? Berate you for your decisions? Iron Bull: Hey. The Chargers died as heroes for the good of the mission. Solas: I never said otherwise.

Sera: Don’t you start. Solas: I’m reasonably certain I said nothing.

Vivienne: [talking shit about grey warden mages] Solas: I never claimed mages should be above the law, Enchanter. Vivienne: No, darling. You merely implied it, while offering no viable suggestions for improvement.

after infamous “side benefits” dialogue Warrior Inquisitor: You find my muscles enjoyable? Solas: I meant that you enjoyed having them, presumably. Warrior Inquisitor: Ah. Solas: But yes... since you asked.

diminishing things he does actually know by saying he he “believes” or “thinks,” or that things were vaguely “said” or “told”

Solas: I say what I believe to be true, even if it gives offense to those who prefer the lie.

Dorian: That orb Corypheus carries... are you certain it’s of elven origin, Solas? Solas: I believe so. Why do you ask?

Solas: It is said that we lived at a pace that sustained us for... ages.

making it sound like he’s talking about something/someone else, but it’s just him lmao

Cole: Do you know a lot about wolves? Solas: I know that they are intelligent, practical creatures that small-minded fools think of as terrible beasts.

Solas: No man can kill so many people without breaking inside. To survive... those you fight must become monsters. Iron Bull: The ones that kill innocent people, yeah. The rest... I don’t know. Solas: The mind does marvelous things to protect itself.

during In Hushed Whispers Inquisitor: I’m glad you understood what he just said because I’m not sure I did. Solas: You would think such understanding would stop me from making such terrible mistakes. You would be wrong.

misc

this one i wanted to include because it’s the only circumstance (that i came across) where someone directly asks solas to lie and he literally says he can’t

during the fucking crestwood breakup scene Inquisitor: [angry option] Tell me you don’t care. Solas: I can’t do that. Inquisitor: Tell me I was some casual dalliance so I can call you a cold-hearted son of a bitch and move on! Solas: I’m sorry.

*also note that most of these are banter transcriptions from the wiki; some are cutscene / other dialogue posted by either @/daitranscripts or u/karinini on reddit; it’s not all his cutscenes obv, but I’m not about to look up every single one individually sdlkfj*

[tangledinmdzs]

always yours - yi city mdzs characters hcs

the last of the best friend series head canons!

this is a modern version (stay tuned for a different version (v^ー°) )

»»——⍟——««

Xiao Xingchen

stepping into high school, you’ve always felt out of your depth

both from the pressure of moving to a new town and entering another stage of education in your life

it was kind of intimidating

mildly stressful

and you know it shouldn’t be much of a bother to try and fit in and find your crowd

because good things take time (as your parents have reminded you)

and that you were such a lovable person, so

who wouldn’t want to be your friend?

but it still didn’t change the fact that it was hard, nonetheless

luckily, when you’re kind of floating about in between the crowds of people and laughter in the first lunch of your first year, see an empty seat for you to snag

considering how crowded the lunch room was, you feel quite proud of yourself

so you sit down at the spot without a second thought

not even realizing that the seat in front of your empty one was occupied

you’re digging heartily, halfway through your sandwich, when you realize that someone is looking at you

and that’s when you meet Xingchen, immediately humored by your enthusiasm with food 

definitely not one of your best first impressions

but it’s surely something that sticks

because aside from finding out that you both are in the same grade, you both have a plethora of classes together as well

and it becomes easy for you to find a familiar face to gravitate to in your classes

throughout the year

he’s the person that saves you a seat in the cafeteria whenever the teacher from the previous class lets you out late

you’re the person that shares your notes with him in class so that you both can be caught up

you’re each other’s first choice as partners

and it’s so so easy being friends with someone as lovely and wonderful as Xingchen

and he’s so great in everything

from his smarts

to his genuine kindness

and you know that he deserves the world

which is why

your world comes to a halting stop

when Xiao Xingchen is suddenly blinded after an accident

luckily he’s not fully blind

but his vision is heavily impaired 

and you know that your high school is not the right environment for him safety and social wise

you know it is for the best that his parents are making plans to find a better accommodating school for him

but...

he’s your only, truest, friend, 

and it’s only been a short while since you both have met

but you can’t imagine going through the last remaining two years high school without 

and as you sit next to his hospital bed, feel his warm hand clutch yours

you think that 

he feels the same

»»——⍟——««

A-Qing

you meet A-Qing as you’re helping Xiao Xingchen around the your high school, helping him to orient in an old place through a new perspective

you can’t lie and say that it’s not frustrating

but Xingchen’s always been more patient than you

even now, 

when you were supposed to be helping him

it saddens you sometimes

when you can’t be of more help to him than you currently are

“i think this would be pretty useful,” 

both you and Xingchen startle at the voice that talks to you both

your eyes find a young girl, probably a freshman, staring up at you

her hand holds out a small foldable stick

“it’s a white cane, it’ll help him feel out the floor better than you saying ��watch out’ every other minute” the girl notes

“he can still see,” you try to correct, because everyone nowadays just assumes that Xingchen is fully blind... and he just accepts it like he accepts everything in his life-

“oh, i’ve never tried a cane before. i think that could be of help,” Xingchen says in his quiet voice, he turns to you though not fully enough to meet your eyes staring at him

you’ve gotten more used to his profile than his full face as of recently

“can you give it to me, y/n” Xingchen asks you, 

and he’s using that voice with you

the ‘be patient, let’s try it’ voice

you manage a stiff nod at the girl, and take the white cane from her and open it from Xingchen

we you place the handle that he’s supposed to hold in his palm, Xingchen as polite as ever says,

“thank you... um...”

“A-Qing,” the girl finally introduces and then turns to you, a half smile on her face

“and you’re y/n,” the young girl parrots from what she heard before

you nod at her, a small ‘thank you’ coming from you too

‘it’s no problem. my grandma is blind so i understand you too,” A-Qing says 

at that, you realize, that it would be good to befriend someone that has experience in helping visually impaired people

because you wanted to learn how to help Xingchen better

you friendship starts from Xingchen’s hardships

but as you three spend more time together,

the difficulties of his life lessen

especially with A-Qing’s support

you two become his two closest friends

and A-Qing morphs more into a little sister to you

because for all of her knowledge with Xingchen’s situation, she was still very very new to the high school situation

so she relied on your guidance (in that aspect) as much as you relied on her to help you help Xingchen

but you three come together like a sandwich

and all is well

until your third year of high school

when trouble comes in the form of a human person

»»——⍟——««

Xue Yang 

trouble goes by the name of Xue Yang

your high school is relatively medium sized so you think that if you haven’t met everyone yet at least you know of most people

but 

when you walk into the hallway at the sight of someone taunting Xingchen, you can’t help the way your blood boils

A-Qing is still young,

and the boy that’s flicking and pushing at Xingchen’s calm shoulder looks to be about your age, an junior

you’re about to intervene when you’re surprised at Xingchen’s quick handed grasp of the man’s hand when it lands on his chest for the third (and final time)

Xingchen holds the wrist tightly

and you remember that before, a short while ago, Xingchen used to do material arts after school

he probably never forgot his instincts, having practiced for so many years

“what do you think you’re doing?” 

at the sound of your voice, the boy spares you a glance, 

and then you give a short sigh under your breath

because it was Xue Yang

it was always Xue Yang

“just chatting with your boyfriend, y/n. no need to go all mama bird” Xue Yang teases and takes his hand roughly out of Xingchen’s grasp

“he’s not my boyfriend,” you correct Xue Yang, going up to Xingchen’s side to stare Xue Yang down

Xue Yang laughs, humorlessly 

“you sure about that? because i think you’re probably babying him even more than his real mother,” and you really want to land a good fist to Xue Yang’s face

but Xingchen’s true testament to your friendship is that he just knows you well enough to reach a hand out and hold your wrist, hold you back from doing anything rash

because your little convo with Xue Yang had already grabbed enough of a crowd

you let Xiao Xingchen and A-Qing lead you away, though you manage to spare a long glare at Xue Yang before he fully leaves your sight

from then on, you all try to avoid Xue Yang as best as you can

and you stay closer to A-Qing and Xiao Xingchen

because it seems like you’re Xue Yang repellent

he only bothers the other two when you’re not within the vicinity 

and you don’t dare think that Xue Yang is scared of you (Xue Yang isn’t scared of anything)

but it’s a little blessing that you’re grateful for

you don’t want anyone making Xingchen’s life harder than it already was

and you think that you can get through the last few months of junior year without trouble

well you hope

but one memorable time that trouble visits you

is in the turn spring

right before you you’re about to finish your junior year (practically already a senior in high school)

Xue Yang catches your arm when you’re on your way out of school after your free block

drags you to the bleachers despite your protests 

you glare at him, 

he stares at you, sighs

“what?” you ask

“you don’t care about anything that has to do with us do you?”

you sigh as you lean your back on the edges of the bleacher seats

“why do you put your friends before us all the time?”

“because he needs me-”

“more than i do?”

Xue Yang’s question surprises you, slightly

but you regain your composure quickly

“talk to me again when you learn that a relationship has friends and partners,

not everything in life is about you” 

and that’s the final time you talk to him

»»——⍟——««

Song Lan

Song Lan comes back into your life as abruptly as he had left it

he had always been more of Xingchen’s friend than yours

you remember him being introduced to you as the quiet, barely smiling but loyal friend that Xingchen knew from way back

he and you never talked much

but he talked a lot with Xingchen

and you could tell that the both of them were close

they made each other happy

which was why his abrupt exit from high school

at the time where Xingchen needed him the most

was difficult for you to understand

though at the same time

his departure gave you a better chance to prove your friendship to Xingchen

to be the person that was there for him when it seemed like no one was

and you think that the chapter of old friendships had closed when you graduated high school

so you didn’t think you’d ever see Song Lan again

let alone, see him in your second year of college in the middle of your campus walk with Xingchen’s arm linked with yours 

“y/n? why’d you stop? we’re going to be late for class”

and now, with Xingchen fully blind

you were somewhat the eyes for him when it came to new places and people

A-Qing was still in her final year of high school, already planning on following your footsteps and applying to the same college as you guys

so it was all left to you

how do you explain to XIngchen that you just saw his best friend that had left him in high school all those years ago without so much as a goodbye?

should you even let him know?

luckily, you don’t have to make the choice

when Song Lan turns and walks away immediately, not looking back

“it’s nothing, i was just startled when a squirrel ran past,” you lie to Xingchen

and continue walking on the path that you both are on

but Xingchen knows you better than yourself

and he can tell that your grip around his arm is a bit tighter than before

but he doesn’t mention anything

~~~

fate would have it that that was not the last encounter that you have with Song Lan

and the next time you do see him, you don’t let him off the hook so easily

“where did you go? how are you here now?” you ask him, when you manage to latch onto his arm at the small campus cafe 

he takes his wrist out of your grasp easily

though his face looks slightly more expressive than you remember he used to be

“how’s Xingchen?” he counters with you and you huff out an exasperated laugh

“you wouldn’t need to ask me that if you had been there for us,” you find yourself saying

because you can still remember, vividly

the first few weeks of Xingchen’s blindness

his embarrassment towards you where you know he wouldn’t have been with Song Lan

and how much he missed him

“do you... do you think i can see him?” Song Lan asks, a beat after your heavy comment

you truly wonder what Xiao Xingchen would have to say to this

because you may be his best friend

but you can’t make his decisions for him

“i don’t know, why don’t you ask him,” you tell Song Lan, then tilt your head

when Song Lan turns around, he sees the person who he’s looking for right away

Xiao Xingchen is hard to miss

Song Lan stares

now it all comes down to, whether or not he would take the first step to him or not

[argumentl]

The Freedom of Expression, radio version - Live special #3, August 9th 2016.

✯📆Kaoru starts by trying to remember when the last live special was, getting it wrong by saying it was at the start of year (It was actually in Dec).  Kaoru comments on how the amount of staff in the studio is different from usual when they go live. They also have half-price off food from the supermarket to keep them going for 2 hours.

✵🐎They then welcome Hiranabe and Tasai to join them for the show. Hiranabe worries whether he'll still have a job in the morning after doing this show. He doesnt want to lose his job, as he just also lost a ton of money on the horse racing.

Kaoru then suggest they might get a visit from Kami at some point, and they will try to have a phone call with Dobashi, who is currenly in Brazil 🇧🇷.

He then gets started with the top 5 stories of the first half of 2016. Counting down from...

●5. North Korean satellite lauch/ America and Japan suspect an intercontinental ballistic missile launch - Hiranabe thinks American satellites are so advanced that America will know exactly what N.Korea is doing. Joe thinks the wording/phrasing in such news articles makes a big difference as to how the story is percieved.

Kami tells them he is ok to appear on the show tonight, as he managed to catch the last train home after work. He's now enjoying taking part with a beer.

●4. A boom in adultery - Celebrity Becky's affair (plus apology to her sponsers at a press conference) at the start of the year has set off a string of public revelations about the adulterous affairs of other celebrities, all of whom have also immediately held press conferences to apologize. Before this year, celebrities tended to use their personal blogs etc to address the accusations. Joe brings up something he heard from Nuclear Safety Chief Madarame Haruki when interviewing him about the 3.11 disaster. Madarame said that it has long been Japan's culture to never badmouth a samurai who has commited seppuku. Badmouthing such a person makes you worse than whatever they did. In this way, if celebs appear at a press conference with tears in their eyes and full of apology, they can avoid any future dragging about their past mistakes.

✵🏘️At this point Kaoru takes a break from the countdown to read out an email from a listener. The email is from someone who currently lives in their hometown, but is thinking of moving to Tokyo, so they want to know Kaoru's advice for moving to Tokyo for the first time as a single person. Kaoru says he moved to Tokyo 19 years ago, and lived in Nerima ward at first, specifically the neighborhood Fujimidai. This was to be near to where Dir's manager lived. The rent was ¥120,000 a month for a 2LDK apartment, which he shared with Kyo. Kami gives out advice to not be picky about specific locations when searching for a cheap place. Hiranabe brings up the website 'Oshima teru', where you can check to see which apartments have previously been the sites of murders/deaths. The rent for such apartments is often abnormally cheap.  

✵🤭🤭🤭 Next Kaoru moves onto some news which interested Hiranabe a lot, the story being very typical of him....'Admission of squirting'. (Lots of laughs from the others, and Joe wants to know more 😆). The story relates to the model Darenogare Akemi. She appeared on a radio show and was denying the rumour that she was the type to lie still during sex, she claimed that she moves around and vocalises a lot during sex. The host of the show asked her, 'Yeh, but I bet you don't squirt?'. She replied on air, 'I do, I did for the first time a year and a half ago'. Hiranabe decided to dedicate a whole page in Tokyo Sports to this story.

Hiranabe was also fond of the Beat Takeshi 'Comǎneci pose' story, invovling actresses Ayase Haruka, Nagasawa Masami, and Hirose Suzu. This story was talked about previously on Ep 25.

✵☎️Next, they try having a direct phone convo with a listener. The caller brings up the news of the 2016 World Happiness Report, in which Japan ranked at #53. Joe explains these results are obtained by surveying local populations, but each nation has different standards of what happiness is. Kaoru thinks happiness is not something that should be ranked in this way. The caller then asks Hiranabe why he never learns to not spend so much money on women. He answers 'Because Im an idiot'. Joe asks the caller what she thinks Hiranabe looks like. She says 'a face which can't be broadcast'. (Laughs all round).

✵🎶Next they listen to a few of the new jingle entries. They like the second entry, which apparently contains phrases influened by a couple of Dir songs. They also like the fifth entry and ask Kami to do the voice-over on it, which they all find hilarious. Kaoru says he might use some of these entries on the show in future.

📞✵🇧🇷Next they connect via the phone to Dobashi, who is in Brazil covering the 2016 Olympics for Tokyo Sports. He is calling from the table tennis venue, as he is covering a match there. He says he has seen a few Japanese athletes win gold medals in other events, and encourages listeners to buy Tokyo Sports to read his reports.

They ask Dobashi various questions about security, and the local food etc, then Hiranabe asks him if he has any of the commemorative Olympic condoms, and whether or not he has used them. Dobashi says he has some, but hasn't used them. He opened one to check it out, and it was so thick, obviously not made in Japan (his words). Hiranabe asks him to bring some back as souvenirs 🤭😆

✵Before moving onto # 3 in the countdown, Kaoru reads out an email. This is from a listener who is a fan of Dobashi and wants to know what kind of woman he likes. Hiranabe knows his type..he likes kinda crazy women. Another email from 'radio name: 0.3mm' asks for some Olympic condoms. The last email asks them whether they like watching movies on regular screens, or on 3D/4D screenings. Kaoru prefers regular screens, otherwise he finds it difficult to concentrate. He recently watched the movie 'Shin Godzilla' (in 2D), and was anxious seeing familiar Tokyo landmarks getting trashed.

Continuing the countdown...

●3. Muhammed Ali's death. This was discussed in ep 39, about how Ali was very outspoken in regards to segregation. Despite Obama becoming the first black president, Joe questions how much discrimination against black people by white people in the US has actually improved. Hiranabe agrees with Joe, in that based on the news, race relations are not improving at all. Joe says we must be careful not to focus too much on the big headline of Obama as President. That doesn't suddenly mean everything is ok now.

Hiranabe then talks for a bit about his memories of prowrestler Antonio Inoki, who fought with Ali once.

●2. The eventual resignation of (former) Tokyo Governor Masuzoe Yōichi. Masuzoe had held onto his position as long as possible, claiming he was innocent. He's used specific techniques during press conferences to avoid getting cornered. Hiranabe was impressed with the words of new candidate Torigoe Shuntaro, who used the phrase, 'Everyone please get distracted', instead of the usual 'Don't get distracted', which candidates usually finish their speeches with. Joe draws comparisons with the 3.11 response. A third party investigation committee was set up in both the 3.11 case and Masuzoe's case, but if the guilty parties are choosing which lawyers make up the committee, its not very impartial in the end. Use of the word 'third-party' is another trick politicians use to try to look innocent.

✵☎️Next they take another phone call from a listener. This caller's first fave news of the year is the announcement of new Dir en grey tours. His second is about Pokemon Go. He asks if Kaoru plays. Kaoru says he's already given up, after getting to level 12. Joe interrupts to say Kami looks as if he's about to fall asleep.

Reaching the end of the countdown..

●1. Mystery Phoenix appears in sun. This is a story from Tokyo Sports back in May. Shapes resembling a phoenix have been spotted in various photos of the sun which were released by NASA. Tokyo Sports offered the suggestion of whether this might actually be real. Tasai hands a copy of Tokyo Sports out to everyone to show them the image, but Kaoru is more interested in another story on the same page: 'Discovery in Arizona of trunk from 20cm tall elephant with fish gills'. Joe then reads out some similarly crazy headlines from the newspaper in his hands. The question arises of whether this story merits being at #1.

✵To finish a quick suggestion of another live special at the end of the year, as long as everyone still has their job, and are not in Atami...., and Kaoru plugs his upcoming tours. In the last min, they all agree that Kami voicing the jingle was the funniest bit of the show. Kaoru wishes the listeners good luck at work tomorrow after staying up late to listen to the show.

Songs - Dir en grey/Amon (Symphonic ver.), Ill niño/God Save Us, Dir en grey/Un deux, Meshuggah/New Millennium Cyanide Christ, Dir en grey/Ruten no tou, Jakalope/Go Away, Dir en grey/Utafumi, System of a Down/Chop Suey.

To radio top page

[btswishes]

She what?

Jungkook x reader

Part1 / ...

A/N: Kookie needs more stories added to his masterlist section, so I am bringing you guys this. Sorry for any mistakes made, hope you like it.

Word count:  2,906

Warnings: Swearing.

                  -----------------------------------------------------------------

  “Y/N! Get up it’s time for school!” your mom’s voice echoed in the house so loudly ,that even the people waiting for you outside heard her. 

“I am up!” you mirrored her energy, while running around your room “Ok ok, books, pens, ummm AH! Homework!” you were wearing only one sock on your left leg and over all looked like a mess “I swear I won’t stay up today till 3am, it really fucks me up hard!”  

“Y/N!” your mom yelled out again 

“I KNOW! FUCK!” 

“WHAT DID YOU SAY!”

“NOTHING!” throwing the bag on your back, you took a quick glance in the mirror. Fixing up the things that weren’t in order ,you looked presentable enough for school. This wasn’t a fashion show after all.

  Your footsteps filled up the house when you said goodbye to your mom and dashed outside. Leaning onto your knees you took deep and sharp breaths, trying to calm down your fight or flight reaction to oversleeping.

“Look who it is.” moving up, your eyes focused onto that familiar beanie, trying to keep in check all those dark and wild curls. 

“Whip that look off your face Kook.” Yoongi murmured under his nose “We had to drag your ass out of bed. You ain’t any better than her.” Jungkook reached and pulled you up by your hand 

“Don’t look down with this pretty face kitten.” he was smug, knowing oh so well that he was good at flirting.

“Calm yourself hot stuff. Cats also have claws.” you pulled back with a playful wink his way, which pulled out a scoff out of him. With a jump in your step you grabbed Yoongi’s arm and started pulling everyone to school. 

  A quick stop at your friend Mina’s house and you were on your way again to the 4 wall jail. 

“I see Yoongi is lookin disgusted.” she needed only one glance at him to know what happened “Let me guess, Y/N and Jungkook are being flirty earlier than usual.” Mina sighed proceeding to ask the obvious question “Yall seem to like each other, why not just, um i don’t know. Date!”

“Mina, you are misunderstanding.” Jungkook patted her shoulder 

“Me and Jungkook are just friends. He is just shitty and stuck up, thinking he is so good at flirting. I am just showing him that those skills are mad trash and won’t work on me.” you turned to look at him “Even if he chocked me!”

“Damn, you don’t have to say your kinks out loud like that sweetie.” Jungkook ran his hand gently through your hair, leaving the sensation of a light tugging  “Leave that for when we are alone.” 

“EW! I can’t with you two!” Jimin rustled his hair, shaking his head aggressively 

“ Ok ok, let’s change the subject.”Namjoon stop the conversation from drifting into a huge mess “Can we stop for a sec? I need to go buy pens.” there was a small store next to the school. Size aside, they were always stocked up with good materials since all the students visited frequently. 

  While Namjoon was buying writing supplies, Jin pulled you to the side with an alibi of fix your hair.

“Ok what is up with you and Kook lately?” he kept pulling out small clips and all kinds of things, from last night’s 3am glow up attempt 

“What do you mean?” 

“Lately all this flirting has been a bit...” 

“Too direct?” you tried to help Jin out

“Personal.” his voice was serious, the word cutting almost through the air around you “ Are we going to act like Jungkook didn’t bring kinks in a public convo?”

“He is just being the same dork as always.” you laughed out, crossing your arms in front of your chest

“I am not worried about what people are going to think of him for saying stuff like that out loud, he can deal with that himself. I am worried about miss tough bruh girl.” Jin’s lips pressed together as he looked at you. The confidence and macho behavior disappeared from your body “Are you really ok?” he turned around to make sure no one was around you two

“...honestly?” you asked him, receiving a nod “I am dyingggg Jin!”you folded like a piece of paper as the words came out “I know he is just flirting with me to prove his point, but it’s so hard to act unfazed by it. “

“Of course it is. You are head over heels for him.” Jin bluntly spoke when you hushed him, checking around yourself again

“Look. It was fine till a week ago. He became...touchy.” 

“Touchy how?” you were trying to avoid Jin’s gaze, while blushing “He um...he has been brushing his hand over me and then saying it was by mistake. He bumped into me a few days ago and got so close he almost kissed me!” your voice was a forced whisper ,as your hyper nature pushed it out from your throat like a whistle 

“He what!?” Jin gasped upon hearing all that “Shy Kook did that?” you nodded “He is a flirt, agreed. But he NEVER did anything remotely close to this. Are we 100% sure he doesn’t like you?”

“I am positive Jin. He is doing this to prove his point that any girl falls for him if he gets serious about it. Jungkook is trying to prove me wrong.”

“That is not like him t-” Namjoon’s voice pulled everyone’s attention to himself, exiting the store with a bunch of pens in hand. 

“You have like a billion of them.”  said Jin

“Yeah, but these are comfortable for exams.” Namjoon was placing them in his school bag, when Hoseok gasped 

“Wait, what do you mean for exams?” 

“We have 4 exams today.” noticing the confused faces around, Joon facepalmed himself “Yall didn’t really think they were letting us leave 3h earlier just like that, right?” the group synchronized nod was so shocking, that you could hear even Namjoon’s brain facepalm itself “I don’t know what you guys will do, just don’t fail at least.”

“Oh, I knew about the exams.” you rose your hand between the bunch of panicking creatures “Surprisingly my mom found out and made me study my ass off. I am confidant this time.” you took a few steps and stood next to Namjoon “For once i am on team Joon and honestly, I can’t lie, it feels amazing.”

“So what you are saying is that you are actually prepared for all 4 exams!?” Taehyung had to do a double check just in case he heard wrong

“Yup.”

“Better sit next to me before someone asks to cheat off you.”Namjoon said making you giggle. Your head swung in the opposite direction as you felt a strong hand grab the back of your head. Not even in a moment’s notice you came inches from Jungkook. His eyes, sharp and dark, eyeing up and down slowly.

“So this pretty head of yours got the answers?” you couldn’t move, frozen from the shock “Mind if I use some of that knowledge?”

“I- what?” you stuttered in panic.

“Jungkook you better stop acting like a kid and study!” Jin tried to be a hero and pull you by the hand, out of his grasp. Yet Kookie with an aggressive look directed towards his hyung, grabbed his wrist and curved his arm up. 

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” the air was tense, you could hear the silence no matter how weird that sounded. His free hand proceeded to pull you flush against himself, holding you by your waist. His hot touch felt even under the layers of clothes “I can use whatever is mine. Isn’t that right kitty cat?” 

“Jungkook don’t be a brat!” Hoseok tried to calm the atmosphere, but was met with the same energy as Jin, when he grabbed your hand. A loud smack pushed him away as Jungkook lifted you of the ground like it was nothing , throwing your body over his shoulder. His serious face changed to a childish smile when he yelled out “MINE!” and dashed towards the school building, only letting you go once you were inside and behind a wall. He was peeking to see if the others were catching up, excited from the whole situation. 

  His breath was deep and the giggling was coming out of his mouth none stop.

“Did you see the look on their face?” Jungkook turned to you, but you were still frozen from what just happened “Hey, you good?” he lowered himself to your eye level but you averted your gaze, grabbed your bag and dashed to your classroom.

“Y/N...?”

  With all the power in your legs you got to your now safe space. The desk felt secure for the first time. As you were catching your breath, Mina caught up to you. 

“What the fuck was that!” she threw her bag on the chair next to you, bashing her palms into the wooden board of your table “It was new!”

“Drop it Mina.” you didn’t want to look at her right now, but she was a persistent one 

“Nah nah, I am not doing this again. You HAVE to tell me, this isn’t formal.”   

“At this point we both need an explanation.” Jin seemed to have calmed down a bit and took a third chair, cornering you with Mina “Come on, you can trust us.” 

  A moment later you sighed deeply and looked them in the eyes. It was time to get things off your chest. “Kook is going overboard.”

“Yeah, we all saw that.”Mina drew a circle parallel to the floor, in the air “ He has been openly umm nasty.”

“Not to mention weirdly touchy.” Jin nodded as he spoke up “ He might find it fun trying to prove his stupid point, but in the end of the day you like him. It’s effecting you in more than one way.”

“ Jin is right. Acting tough like it doesn’t effect you can’t and won’t last long. What will you do when he gets a gf and stops acting like this towards you?” 

“Yes. You like it, of course but that would just crash you princess. I think you should try to move on or at least find someone else to crush over. Sounds hard but...yeah.”

“I know I know.” you grunted placing your face into your hands “It’s a mess, I shouldn’t have challenged him at all. This wouldn’t have happened at all.” 

  You were frustrated, it felt like a huge mess you made and now had to clean up on your own with only a rag and water. For a moment you forgot about the issue because of the exams. Namjoon and you were confident but not the rest of the gang, luckily Jungkook had one class with you. You were able to avoid him easily with all the running around and revising. 

  After all the stress was done, you decided to have some lunch with Jin and Mina after everyone else went home for the week. There was a moment of silence.

“Someone gonna say something?” Mina looked at you two stuffing your faces, avoiding the matter at hand “I thought we staid to talk this out.”

“You are right.” Jin sighed placing his box on top of his backpack “ The more we try to ignore it the worse it will get. I know you are frustrated Y/N but we need to do something.”

“Maybe I should really pull back and try to move on like you two said.” the floor was locking your attention in one place. 

“Or you don’t except defeat and step on his toes for once in your life.” for a three party conversation you weren’t expecting a fourth person. For a second your heart dropped till you located Taehyung

“Tae!” your body rose from the desk “Please don’t t-” he placed his hand over your mouth. The index finger of his free hand stood in front of his lips as he winked your way.  Jumping onto your desk he sat down, crossing his legs widely with his hands now in his pockets

“Relaxxx~, I am not a snitch, plus this smells to me like I can mess a bit with that little brat. His high horse has been fucking annoying all of us, well maybe expect Joon.” 

“Your plan is so bad!” Jin rolled his eyes 

“Well from what I saw so far all she did was bark back. Come on, don’t you guys see?” he flicked your forehead and leaned back after your ‘ouch’ “ She is all bark no bite. Jungkook sees her as a toy or a little puppy, nothing more. He knows he will break her down at some point.” Tae focused onto you again “Y/N you really need to grab that boy by the hair and show him that you aren’t one to be messed with.”

“On a serious note, I am on Taehyung’s side. Backing up is what he wants you to do. “ Mina clapped her hands excited about the whole plan 

“How do I even do that?” you began to panic inside again 

“First of all that attitude. Confidence is key.” Jin grabbed your shoulder “ You dress timid, I know this will sound like one of those early 2000s movies with the makeovers.” 

“But it is.” you didn’t even need to look up, you just knew. That soft yet manly voice  “What?” Jimin leaned onto Taehyung’s shoulder and smirked at you “You didn’t think I wouldn’t sniff this whole thing up, did you?”

“Guess Jimin is up for the part.”Tae fist bumped him “I got the plan already in my head.” he pulled out his phone making a small group chat with all of you in it

“We got this man!” Jimin and Tae were apparently too into the whole situation, while you were almost dripping in cold sweat 

“Ok ok.”your hands rose up “Let’s say I agree to all this. What do you want me to do?”

“Man the fuck up!” Jimin hit the table in front of you “ Pull that kid’s leash for once, he thinks he is all strong and stuff. I am so done with him and his disgusting flirting skills lately.I can’t even go to the gym without thinking about him...ugh” a shiver went through his body

“Try to be dominat for once princess.” Jin was being gentle in attempts to calm you down 

 * knock knock *

   The wood sounds creeped into your ears and your heart dropped, when you saw him. Jungkook in all his cocky glory. You panicked and grabbed your bag, trying to get past him in the most natural way possible, but his arm hit the door frame and you were staring at his veiny hand.

“Wow, where do you think you are going?” he sounded more serious than usual  “You have been ignoring me all day and then I catch all you guys having a fun looking meeting without me.” 

“I am not ignoring you, I just don’t feel that well.” you mumbled under your nose just hoping he would turn back into his old self for a moment and let you go. The day was long, filled with all kinds of emotions you weren’t ready for. You didn’t want him to be one of them. The feelings inside you were starting to bubble, there was no more space to keep them. 

“Aw.” Jungkook lifted your chin up with his finger “ I can be your medicine if you want something sweet on your tongue, baby girl.”

“Jungkook!” Jimin threw the chair back, about to start something when Taehyung grabbed his shirt stopping him “...wait...”

“Wasup hyung, why so aggressive ?” the boy leaned onto the door looking high and mighty. Your hand slowly creeped up onto Jungkook’s shoulder. His attention focused onto you once more, when your leg kicked his foot to the side. With a strong grip you pushed onto him, making the boy kneel in front of you. This was the first time he was the one looking up.

  With your free hand you swung your hair back, revealing a pissed off gaze that send a chill down Jungkook’s back, in a way he had never experienced before. 

“Listen here you little shit.” it sounded like a low growl of frustration “I said I don’t feel good, but you insist on being all macho manly and annoying me. Next time.” you squatted down slowly making him follow you as you came down to eye level “ When I say move, you will be a good little boy and what?”

“...move.” the room was shook by the fact he followed your lead calmly . You eyed his lips making him feel something beep inside his chest, as your index and middle finger gently caressed them 

“Louder!” you snapped him out of the trans as you got up suddenly. 

“I will move!” he almost yelled out

“Good.” with the bag swung over your shoulder you walked out of the room with a strong step. The moment you were outside the school, you got back to your senses and the situation sunk in. The dash you did towards your house was Olympic level. You had no idea what happened in the classroom, but you didn’t even want to think about it after what you just did.

[spookysmujer]

His Girl // Sad Eyes

Prompt: You and Sad Eyes are trying to avoid your older brother, Spooky, from finding out about your relationship.

pairing: Sad Eyes x reader

warning: mild swearing, s m u t 🥵

word count: 1.7k

A/N: okay okay so @youare-mysonshine mentions an idea and I can’t not try to bring it to life. I didn’t think I would want to write for anyone else but Spooky but I enjoyed this! My first smut piece and I hope it’s okay. I find writing requests is much easier than thinking of my own ideas, lol. BUT recent convos with this babe, a series called NACROS will soon make an appearance. Send me requests!

“It’s almost 3 ‘o’ clock..” You say as you feel the wet kisses on your neck. The assault hot and heavy with no end in sight. He ignores your pleas on the time nearing.

You sigh but very contently. Your hands rubbing up and down his back, scratching them gently with your acrylics. Black as he likes.

With the heel of your foot, you dig it on top of his ass and he lets out a laugh, finally stopping the attack on your neck, sitting up to rest his hands on the side of you face.

“Mhm, one day I’m a leave a mark.”

“Promises, promises. Com’n you gotta bounce. Cesar will be home and then,” You sigh, as he climbs off you. “Spooky is back. We’re picking him up at 5.”

Sad Eyes glances at you as he pulls his shirt back on. He rubs the nape of his neck and sits besides you, taking your hand and kissing the back of it. You smile at his sweetness, puckering your lips waiting for a kiss.

This thing between you two happened at the beginning of summer, 2 1/2 months ago. Your little brother and his friends were at a party or watching one and you followed to make sure he didn’t get himself in any trouble.

When you entered the party for drinks, that’s when you caught Sad Eyes attention. He wasted no time in approaching you, which lead to talking and then stepping away from the party, smoking a blunt and ... well you know. You warned him about something happening between the two of you, your big brother being Spooky. But he didn’t seem to care. That was until the summer had passed by and Oscar’s release date neared. You managed to avoid Cesar figuring it out, knowing he’d rat you out. But now is the real deal.

“When you gonna tell him?” He asks you, pulling you from the daydream. You give him a look.

“When are you? You suppose to be his compa.”

He laughs and stands, pulling a blunt from the top of your dresser. Shrugging he lights it up, “End of me if I do it. We might live, if you tell him.”

“Boy, please, he’d kill me and you regardless of who tells him. Which is why, we don’t. We lay low. Let him get comfortable then when things settle and he gets in the groove of leading the Santos, we figure it out then. Now, go, before I make us get naked again. Bye.” You smack his ass as he leaves.

☻☹☻☹☻☹☻☹☻☹☻☹☻☹☻☹

Though you were stressed about your relationship being exposed to Spooky, you did miss him a lot. He’d be locked up for the past 4 years. Times were hard taking care of Cesar on your own bit the Santos helped out a lot. When Cesar got home, you both cleaned up the place and before you know it, the clock struck close to 5.

You both sit against the red impala, waiting for him to come out. And when you hear the gates open, you all run to each other and embrace.

“Mano... look at you. And Y/N, who said you could become a woman and shit?” Oscar has his arm around both yours and Cesar’s neck. You both hug him walking back to the car and back home.

The Santos were gathered at the house to welcome your brother back. And it’ll be the first time being around all of the Santos, Sad Eyes AND Oscar at the same time.

You won’t lie, your nerves are racked and you felt like Oscar knows and will know soon. But he can’t know, you and Sad Eyes were always careful. Not just around Cesar but around the other homies. All loyal to your brother, so you kept it on the extra down low.

“You need another?” You ask your brother heading to get another drink. He nods and you head to the cooler, on your way you and Sad Eyes look at one another. His eyes burning into as you walk past him and around the house.

After grabbing a few, you turn to head back but bump into a body. You look up and see your guy staring at you, “Yes? Need one?”

“Nah, not a beer.”

You roll your eyes, “No no no, you heard what I said. We aren’t letting him find out, especially not tonight. So quench your thirst with a beer, papi.”

He hisses at the nickname and watch you walk away.

The night went well, for the most part. You occasionally glance over at Sad Eyes from time to time. So wishing you didn’t need hide this shit from Oscar. But your brother never wanted you involved with anything or anyone else in the gang. Understandable.

“I’ll be back. Bathroom.” You say pushing off the couch.

“Again?”

“I drank like 3 beers straight. Must you be controlling me still? I’m 23. Be back I said!” You kick his leg. Sad Eyes looks your way and you look to the house as you walk around the corner.

When you get to the bathroom, you wait for a minute when you a hear a knock. Your heart rate spikes as you open and peek your head out. Sad eyes bounces his eyebrows at you as you pull him in. His lips on yours instantly.

He feels your ass as your arms are tightly wrapped around his neck. Your kisses hot and sloppy, the alcohol taking lead.

“I was waiting to come back here and kiss you. Been watching you all night, mujer.”

You moan as he dips his face down to kiss your neck, the moan escaping louder. You cover your mouth with your hand and laugh, “Sorry.”

He laughs with you and you push him off of you and against the sink. You feel the courage and need to take it further, you keep your eyes on his as you sink down to your knees. He watches you as you play with the waistband of his jeans. Oh, you are going there.

You feel him through the jeans, licking your lips as he gets more aroused under your hand, “I kept thinking of the first time we did it. In my brothers car, best head you ever had.”

He nods in agreement, sinister look.

With the lust thick in the air, you undo his pants with his help, pushes it down enough to pull him out of his briefs, you’ll never not be star struck with what this man is packing.

You wet your lips and press a kiss on the underside of his length. Sad Eyes groans at the sensation. You are horny and tipsy as fuck. You take the tip of his cock in your mouth and twirl your tongue around it. He dips his head back in pleasure. It’s when you pump him a few times and take him deeper into your mouth and feel it hit the back of your throat that you hear him groan.

“Fuuuuck, bebe.”

Your bob your head up and down, slowly, earning impatient groans from him. You push your hand up his torso, feeling his chiseled body underneath it. He grabs your hair and bunches it up, getting a nice grip. Sad Eyes pulls you back off his cock, you look up at him as he leans down to kiss you.

“I want to make you cum, por favor.”

He smirks and pushes your head down as your take him again. With the grip of your hair in his hand and his groans, you feel yourself getting more and more aroused. But you know you can’t go too far, before someone notices you been gone too long.

Your release him with a pop and pull your top down to let him get a view of his second favorite part of your body. He bites his lips as you take his cock in your hands. Sad Eyes leans down and spits on your chest, it slides between your boobs. You bite your lip and push his cock through your boobs.

“You know ima cum quick if make me fuck your titties.”

You smirk and push your chest up and down his length. He moans and watches you work him up to the brink of release. “Oh fuck.” He groans as he releases his seed on your chest. You slow your pace as he crumbles under you. With one last stroke, you let go and kiss the tip of dick.

“Mhm, you made a mess all over me, papi. When everyone is gone, ima make a mess all over your face.” You kiss him, careful not to make a mess all over him.

After cleaning each other up and outfit change, you peek out of the bathroom and head out to your room while he heads out to party.

You do a quick fix of your make up and hair before heading back out.

A quick stop to get a beer, you spot him leaning against the house with some homies. You wink and head towards the others.

“Whew, that queso always fucks me up!” You laugh and sit back down. Oscar eyes you but goes back to the convo you interrupted.

After the long night that turned into 3am, you all clean up and get ready for bed. You constantly looking at your phone, hoping to god that Sad Eyes will still be up and down for the fuck sesh you mentioned.

“Goodnight, Y/N.” Cesar says as you sitting on your bed. “Night, Mano.”

You sigh as you wait for a text back.

“Waiting for someone?” You hear Oscar, who is standing in your door way. You roll your eyes and fly your pillow at him.

“The sandman to knock your ass out, go to sleep already.” You stick your tongue out as he flies the pillow back at you and heads down the hallway.

After an hour, you sigh in defeat. No response from him and the clock is nearing 5am. You pull your covers over you and go turn off your light when you hear a sound in your window. You wait a second to make sure you aren’t hearing things when you hear it again.

You squeal and do a little dance before heading over to the window, you open it and find your older brother standing outside of it. Your jaw drops when you see Sad Eyes standing behind him, a look of embarrassment and fear.

“Hola hermana, wanna explain this to me?”

[caranfindel]

Recap/review 15.17: “Unity”

THEN: Chuck is destroying all his worlds. Dean tricked Amara into going along with their plan. Empty!Meg is on Billie's side because she just wants to go back to sleep. (Don't we all, dear.) Billie wants Dean to be ready. Dean finally told Sam the truth and Sam was MAD.

NOW: Amara is enjoying a hot pool and a glass of wine in Reykjavik, Iceland. (She's pretending to read but there's no way she can see that book. Although I guess she could have super vision. Why not? And I'm sure the book itself is significant and maybe I'll look that up later but let's face it, I probably won't.) Her glorious view of the Milky Way is punctuated by what seems to be a falling star. But there are more and more and more and she knows what it really is. "Welcome home, brother."

Title card!

Bunker. Sam is on the phone with Cas, who just found out a possible lead in the "Basilica of Guadalupe" was useless. I wonder if he means the Basilica of Our Lady of Guadalupe in Mexico? A 35-hour drive from Lebanon? "That's all right," Sam says. "We'll find a way." {Sidebar: Eternal optimism or simple bullheaded refusal to accept the inevitable truth? Discuss.} Dean enters and asks if that was Cas, but Sam doesn't answer.

So, this is how it's gonna be? You're gonna give me the silent treatment?

I'm not sure what you want me to say.

That you get it. Like I said, killing Amara, Jack, dying, that's the only way.

Sam huffs and imitates Dean: "The only way. Our one shot. Our last chance. You ever get tired of saying stuff like that?" The guys are interrupted by a noise, and I'm just going to stop here for a minute, because I need to talk about Sam's anger. Sam's delicious anger. Apparently some people thought it was inappropriate for Sam to be so mad at Dean last week. At least that's what I read on the Tumblr. I'm sure no one reading this post feels that way. I mean, anyone who found Sam's anger inappropriate would have stopped reading my crap a long time ago, right? I just don't get it. This isn't an "I can see both sides" situation. Dean withheld information from Sam - lied to Sam - and I know they've both lied to each other before, but this was something catastrophic involving someone he loves. And when confronted, Dean doubled down. He didn't say "sorry, I just couldn't bear to tell you" or "I was hoping Cas would find some other way" or "I was trying to think of a way to break it to you easy." He blamed Sam. He told Sam he wasn't qualified to have that information because he would have done something about it. And after Dean spent the entire episode whining about having no control over his life, being a hamster in a wheel, he sentenced Sam to the same fate - he told him that he didn't have the right to know about Jack because he refused to just accept that this is their destiny.

I mean, I'm not bitter or anything.

Silver lining: Dean treating Sam so horribly at least means I got some tasty, tasty Angry Sam. (Mandatory disclaimer: I love Dean. I love that he is heroic and self-sacrificing but also deeply, deeply flawed.) Moving on.

Wait. I also love that Sam's justification for the silent treatment isn't I'm punishing you or even I'm mad at you, but is literally there is nothing I can say to you. Nothing I say will mean anything to you. All right, now we're moving on. Searching for the source of the noise, the guys find - Amara! Drinking their beer! Wearing pink again, but this time it's sparkly! "We should talk," she says.

Or, you know, we could just look. Looking is good. We have a little time jump in order to gather Jack. Amara tells the boys that her brother is back, and Jack knows this means it's time. She asks how they're going to cage Chuck, and Dean lies that Jack will be able to do it. Amara hopes she and Jack can get to know each other afterward, and Jack lies that they will. He just has to complete one final ritual. Sam doesn't lie to anybody; he just stands there looking unhappy. Amara asks what she can do to help, and they cut away from any discussion of what she's going to do, but then we get this. When the time comes, we can count on you, right? Like I told you when we first met, you and I will always help each other. Awkward! The way Amara is looking at Dean, I'm pretty sure she knows he's lying, and is just waiting for him to break down. (Spoiler alert: why do I even try?) But Dean and his lying, lying eyes do not break down.

But those eyes don't exactly hide any secrets either, do they? Meanwhile, Jack is concerned that Sam is angry at him. Or disappointed. Sam manages to express both support for Jack doing the thing and a strong desire for Jack to not do the thing. "Sacrificing your life for a cause takes a lot of courage," he says."I still think it's wrong, though." OH SAM. YOU WOULD KNOW. AND YOU WOULD DO IT ANYWAY. Apparently Jack's final ritual is taking place in Santa Fe. Dean's ready to go, and says they can be there by morning. (Oh, I hope she tells us if that's possible, they said sarcastically.) Hey, anyone who doesn't want a deep dive into the logistics of Winchester travel can write their own damn recap skip this part. I think the guys actually went to Santa Fe last season? Ouroboros? Anyway, it's 10.5 hours away. 11 hours if you avoid highways, which we know Dean likes to do, although that route would take you on some mountain roads that would probably be a little much for the Impala. So yeah, depending on what time it is now, "by morning" is doable. I know you're relieved. I think the bigger question is when will Cas get back from Mexico City? (Yes, I'm sure he drove - he was standing by his blue truck. Yes, I know no one else cares.) Dean is surprised to find that Sam's not going. He accuses Sam of "taking a knee," but Sam says that's not what he's doing. He's still looking for another way. Sam, you and me, we have to do this; it's in the book. Oh, Chuck's death book, right? Come on, man! Blindly following orders, sending Amara to her death; does any of this feel right to you? It doesn't matter how we feel! You know what? Stay. Stay. But somebody's got to be the grownup here. Yeah, well, someone has to keep fighting for Jack. He knows what he signed up for! Last I checked, we don't give up on family. Jack's not family! I know how you feel about the kid, okay? I feel for him too. I do. But he's not like you. He's not like Cas. He's just not. I have to confess, I maaaayyyybeee haven't been keeping up with the A plot as much as I should have, because I wasn't aware they were actually operating from a book. (Or I was and I forgot. Stranger things have happened.) I thought this was just Billie's plan. But if it's a book, that means it was fated to happen, right? Um, like the Ma'lak box? And why isn't Sam pointing that out? Why isn't Sam saying "we've already changed one of Billie's unchangeable endings, what makes you think we can't change this one?" But, you know. That's not important. What is important are two things: 1, the way Sam reacts when Dean says "Jack's not family," and B, the fact that Jack has entered the room at some point and heard some of that. Again, awkward! How many times has Jack come up behind someone and overheard something like that? Why don't they put a bell on that poor kid? Jack says he's ready, Sam gives him a sad, broken little smile and Jack and Dean hit the road. Boy, that's gonna be an uncomfortable 11 hours.

Whatever you think about this scene, you have to admit Jared is acting the hell out of it. Bunker. Cas is back, so I guess it's been 35 hours since that phone call. "Stayed behind to find another way, huh? I would have done the same." They research together. Wooded park. Amara. Chuck shows up. A title card weirdly informs us this is Amara. Yeah, we know that. I don't really care that much about their convo. All you need to know is he wants to do a "hard reset" - another Big Bang? - and can't do it without her. But she cares about this world now and wants to protect it. He thinks humans are lame and boring, and she says "what about your first children?" and zaps him into Heaven. He's welcomed by a small, adoring group of angels, but Crystal (an angel named Crystal?) annoys him so much that he snaps them all away. Amara offers him balance, darkness and light, here on this Earth, but he's not interested. So she zaps him into the bunker, which she has made into a trap for him. Impala. Dean, says the title card, unnecessarily. (Now that I've figured out what they're doing, I'd say the odds are 50:50 that Sam will have a title card.) Dean starts to talk about what Jack heard - not necessarily to apologize, but Jack says he understands that he's not like Sam or Cas. Okay then. Morning. They show up at a jewelry store and are greeted enthusiastically by the man and woman inside. "I'm Adam," the man says. "You know. God's primo. First dude off the assembly line." The woman with him is not Eve, but a hippie angel named Seraphina. I guess that means she's a seraph? Get it? (Sorry, I have to amuse myself sometimes.) She proclaims Jack's aura is "like Skittles," and of course it is. What else would it be like, other than something sweet and rainbow-colored? {Sidebar: Or should it be like nougat? Discuss.} Adam and Seraphina are very into Jack and also very much into each other. They separate long enough for Adam to take Jack for a "pop quiz." Seraphina says she knows Jack will pass because she saw it in a dream, which annoys me because angels don't sleep, but it turns out she means a mushroom-induced hallucination. She tells Dean that so many things had to happen for Jack to end up here, it was obviously "meant to be." Which doesn't sit well with Dean. Meanwhile, Adam explains to Jack that because of what God did to him and his sons, he's been wanting to kill him for a very long time. Billie is working with him, and kept him alive so he could finish the job. They've just been waiting for Jack. Adam shows him a tray of crystals and tells him to pick the one that was touched by God. Jack points to one, and Adam is disappointed. That's your choice? Yes. And... the others. All of them. They're just rocks, but their existence makes them divine, because God is in everything. And that's the right answer! Jack and Adam return, triumphant, and Seraphina celebrates by plunging a knife into Adam's chest and prying out a rib. Ew. "Everything can contain the spark of the divine, but this puppy? Is packing enough punch to create life. Or in this case, destroy God." With the power of the rib, Jack will turn into a "metaphysical black hole for divine energy" that nothing can escape. Not Amara, not God. But once is starts, it can't be stopped, so Jack shouldn't use it until "game time."

I'm pleased that Adam is a Middle Eastern guy. Back in the Impala, some hours later, Dean pulls over right before they get home. He apologizes to Jack for hearing what he heard. Not for saying it, but for Jack hearing it. He tells Jack that he hasn't been free his entire life. "But now, now me and Sam, we got a shot at living a life. Without all this crap on our backs. And that's because of you. So, I want to say, I need to say, thank you, Jack." Well, that's a nice emotional moment, but isn't Jack doing this to save the world? Not just to get Dean off the hamster wheel? Dean's phone buzzes. It's time. Jack takes the rib out of its baggie and absorbs it into his hand and oh, Jack, I don't think I'd have done that just yet. Bunker. Is this Sam's section? Yes, it is! \o/ Sam hurls a book to the floor in frustration and is comforted by Cas. Guys, Sam and Cas tend to do some crazy fucked-up shit when they're left together unsupervised, and I am here for it. Sam wishes he could talk to Billie about her plan, and Cas immediately assumes he's going to kill himself and puts his foot down. But Sam suddenly remembers what Sergei said about the key to Death's library. "Oh, is that why I invited Sergei here to the secret bunker," Cas says, "because now that makes sense." They start digging through old wooden chests and I'm fairly sure these are boxes full of cursed objects, although all they find are a large novelty chess piece, a gold leaf cross from Hobby Lobby, and the Holy Grail.

Tell me you didn't think the same thing. But Cas eventually does find the box with the key. The box has an inscription in Latin, which Sam reads out loud. By the way, Sam Latinating is always hot, even though he looks like he doesn't understand what he's saying. As the guys watch in amazement, a portal and keyhole appear in the wall. Cas wants to go with, but Sam asks him to stay and buy him some time if Dean comes back before he gets out, even if that sounds crazy. "Sam, for what it's worth, I don't think you're crazy," Cas says. "I think your internal compass is functioning perfectly." And Sam's all, aw, that's the nicest thing anyone's said to me in a long time.

"Donde está la biblioteca?” He puts the key in the keyhole and opens the door into the W section of Billie's library. I want him to start pulling books off the shelves and reading versions of his death, but he's distracted by a dead reaper on the floor. And more dead reapers. And the sound of one begging for her life and then noisily dying. He finally sees Empty!Meg (\o/) sitting at the circulation desk, as another reaper pleads for his life. "Please," he cries, "she won't come!" He prays unsuccessfully for Billie to come, and gets his neck snapped for his trouble. Sam immediately tries to nope the hell out of there, but Empty!Meg snaps her fingers and he appears in front of her. Sam Winchester? Meg? Sorry, she's still dead. Just borrowing the queen's pretty face cause really? I'm empty. {Sidebar: Why would Meg's meatsuit go to the Empty with her? Discuss.} Empty!Meg is trying to get Billie's attention, and she drops a bombshell on Sam. Billie intends to become the new God. "Classic narcissist, right? So tingly for the rules, the good old days. Everyone back to where they belong. Realities, dimensions, graves. What should be dead dies, angels off Earth, demons back to Hell, and I go back to sleep!" Oh, wait. Graves? So anyone who was dead at some point, and was brought back to life, would go back to the grave? She tells Sam that he's in God's book - the ornate book in front of her that only Billie can read. "She always talked about how you should be so dead, except she needs you." Empty!Meg decides that hurting Sam might get Billie's attention, and well, y'all know I'm not opposed to that. (If you're new here, hi, my name is caranfindel and I have a problem.) She brings Sam to his knees, but he finally manages to say "Billie sent me." Oh, Sam. He claims Billie sent him to get the book, because she's trapped on Earth. Empty!Meg can't go to Earth unless she's summoned (hmmm, wonder if that will come up later), and Sam says he has a message for her, from Billie. "Billie will honor her promise. God, Amara, they die. And you, you can go back to sleep." Empty!Meg decides to believe Sam, even though he didn't even know who she was or why she was there when he got there, or that Billie had even made any promises, but I'd have a hard time saying no to that face too.

I'll believe your lies. When Sam comes back through the door into the bunker, Cas greets him with "finally" as if he's been gone a long time, so time must flow differently in Billie's library. Cas tells him Chuck and Amara are here, and it's time. "We can't let that happen," says Sam. "We have to stop it." In the trap, Chuck narrates what's happening elsewhere in the bunker. "You hear that? Dean. Brought to the edge of doubt. His sense of duty, his rage, winning out in the end." As Dean drags Jack through the hall, Sam tells him about Billie's plan to take advantage of the power vacuum and become God. Dean doesn't care - he doesn't mind being duped as long as it's not by Chuck. "And poor Sam," says Chuck. "Always gotta know everything. Can't leave well enough alone." Poor Sam stands in front of Dean, trying to stop him. Dean yells that Jack already "lit the fuse" and they can't wait any longer. "This is my ending," Chuck says. "My real ending." And just as I'm wondering if he means his preferred ending, where one brother always kills another, Dean pulls his gun out and points it at Sam's heart. "Move, Sam. Move!" Sam's horrified. Cas and Jack are horrified. I'm horrified. And also, I'm ashamed to say, very entertained. I mean, I don't want the brothers fighting, and yet for Dean to lose the plot so badly that he'd actually shoot Sam in order to get off the hamster wheel? That's some gloriously messed up stuff, friends. Amara is shocked that Chuck orchestrated all of this. "What part of omniscient do you people not understand?" he says, and YES. THIS is something that has long needed to be said. He says that even though he can't read his death book, all he had to do was plant a few visions, mess with a few outcomes, bada bing bada boom! Nobody's killing him! Hallway. Sam pleads with Dean. "I don't want to do this," Dean says, "but this is everything!"

THIS is everything. Trap. Amara tells Chuck they're going to cage him, not kill him. Hallway. Dean does that thing you do with a gun when you want someone to know you're serious. Clicks off the safety, or whatever. Sam makes a have we really come to this? face and yanks Dean's gun hand away. Dean punches him and he drops to the floor. Trap. Chuck tells Amara that TFW is planning to kill both of them. Hallway. Dean drags Jack toward the trap and Sam tackles him. Dean punches him again. Cas just watches all this. What the hell, Cas. Trap. Chuck says the Winchesters are using Jack to destroy them. Amara says that can't be, because Dean can't hurt her. "No, but he can lie to you. He can send you into the meat grinder with a wink and a smile." But isn't that hurting her? Hallway. Dean orders Cas and Jack to go. Sam yells for Jack not to do it. Cas asks why not, because... Cas has suddenly forgotten what side of this argument he's on? "Because if Billie takes over, then everyone goes back to where they belong!" Sam says. "That means everybody from Apocalypse World - Bobby, Charlie - they get sent back to a place that doesn't exist any more. And everyone we saved! Eileen, she just dies, again! And that's just the beginning!" Trap. Amara is devastated. Hallway. Dean yells that they don't have a choice, and Sam says "we always have a choice!" Trap. Chuck tells Amara "the only ones who ever really get us is us." Hallway. Dean says there's nothing they can do but get out of the way, and he doesn't care if Billie becomes God. I'd trade it all, I'd trade 'em all, for Chuck! In a heartbeat! What about me? Would you trade me? Okay, is this Sam pointing out that if Billie becomes God, he dies? Because it's awfully subtle, and I think he just needs to come right and say "that's fine, Dean, but when I told you everyone we saved would die again, I meant everyone, and that includes me!" And Dean would probably also want to know that angels will be banished to Heaven, don't you think, Sam? Anyway. I saw this on Tumblr, and I can't get to it now because Tumblr is being a little bitch, but basically: Sam Winchester may have low self-worth, but he absolutely knows what he means to his brother, and he does not hesitate to use it. Trap. Chuck offers Amara the balance she said she wanted. "Us, starting fresh, creating something new, something beautiful, peaceful, together. And we can finally forget about all this pain. No baggage. Only balance." He extends a hand. Amara takes it and dissolves into smoke, which is absorbed by Chuck, who now has one demon-black eye and one angel-blue eye. And a sadistic grin. Hallway. Chuck has to die. He has to! Otherwise he'll keep us tap dancing forever, and I can't live like that, man! I can't live like that; I won't! I know you feel like that right now, okay? I know you do. But you gotta trust me. My entire life, you've protected me. From Dad? From Lucifer? From everything. I didn't always like it, you know, but it's the one thing in the whole world that I could always count on. It's the only thing I've ever known that was true. So please, put the gun away. Just put it away. We'll figure it out, Dean; we'll find another way. You and me. We always do. Gotta admit, I'm torn about this scene. I mean, on the one hand, it's beautifully done, so much emotion and angst and anger and teary-eyed, shaky Sam. Once again, Jared is acting the hell out of it. (And Jensen too, but come on.) And yet, on the other hand... how bad is Sam's Stockholm Syndrome? "You protected me from Dad?" Have we seen any evidence of that? I'm sure Dean was forced to be the referee sometimes, but have we seen any evidence that Dean ever said "no Sam, you're not disowned just because you want to stop hunting and go to college" or "no Dad, I'm not even going to pretend I'll kill Sam," rather than consider it an option until he was actually faced with it? It seems like "protecting Sam from Dad" mostly meant "trying to get Sam to do what Dad wanted, so he'd stay out of trouble." And Lucifer? When Sam told him he was Lucifer's vessel, and the Devil was coming to him in his dreams, Dean basically said "sucks to be you, now pick a hemisphere." Now, I'm aware that Dean has actually protected Sam from many, many things. In good ways and in bad ways. And yet he's also hurt him in some pretty awful ways. I mean, he just now threatened to shoot him for refusing to accept his destiny is to help Dean escape the slavery of his destiny. So for Sam to say "you protect me" is one thing. Dean absolutely does that. But to say it's the only thing that's true, and to specifically mention John and Lucifer, well. Hmmm.

Let's just concentrate on the pretty. Anyway. Dean puts the gun away, Sam sighs a tearful shaky sigh of relief, and then the door to Amara's trapped room explodes. Chuck walks out dramatically - not nearly as hot as Demon!Demon dramatically walking through his own destroyed door - and yells at them. "Are you kidding me? After everything, after all that, you did it again!" He tells them he absorbed Amara, mocks Castiel (which is kind of funny), and says they're all stupid, stubborn, and broken, and he's done with them. "You know what you do with broken toys? You throw them out. So, kill each other, don't kill each other, I don't care." Then he tells them to have fun watching Jack die, and zaps on out of there. Jack collapses, and bad things are clearly happening to him. Well, it's hard to get worked up over Jack dying again (what would this be, the third time?). After all, as Dean said, he's not Sam. I'm more interested in finding out if Dean understood he was sentencing Sam to death when he said he didn't care if Billie became God. {Sidebar: Would Dean die too? Or would everything that happened because Sam was brought back be erased? Discuss. And maybe fic.} And now Amara is gone. But, conveniently, destroying Chuck will also destroy her, so. Balance! Unity! Hugs and puppies all around! Oh, friends. The end is near, and I don't feel good about it. I'm anxious about a lot of things happening next week, and the third-to-last episode of Supernatural is one of them. How do you feel? 

Please help me stay unspoiled, including episode titles and casting info, thanks!

[rnegitsune]

Ok so I thought I'd put together some horror stories from my time as a babymetal fan bc of how drastic the shift in the fandom has been the past year or so. For context I got into babymetal in like june of 2014 (all 3 girls were still underage at the time, I was 22; when I first got into them I thought I would be considered an older fan lmao the naivete, the innocence of new fan me wow I know now I'm not at all in the older half of the fandom esp considering I was born the same decade as su and moa), and I made this blog in I think may of 2015.

I've had people say I should compile men being gross into a post and I just couldn't do that out of fear for my own mental health but this will be pretty close. These are all my experiences with this fandom over the years; I'm definitely missing some but what I do remember should do well to cover most of how this fandom used to be vs now. It's gonna be a lot and tw for men being gross about minors.

Back in my first year or so of this blog I on multiple occasions got dms from men asking to be friends. At the time my bio only said my name and my pronouns. I've always been cautious of dms so I'd ask their age and every single one was considerably older than me. I wouldn't usually answer after that bc no thanks but they would generally try to continue convos til I blocked. The only one I still had was this one

After I put my age in my bio, which was 23 at the time, I never got a dm like that again; take from that what you will. But if you're young please be wary of this hell fandom even now. And if you're an older fan and esp an older male fan reading this, don't dm people trying to be friends. I was over 18 and it still creeped me out to no end.

One of my real first men in this fandom are disgusting moments was a blog back in like 2015 or 2016 who I had some contact with due to common interests; he was a huge yui stan and made bm content. He was like 28 or 29 at the time and I eventually noticed he would tag idols, mostly kpop girls, by their body parts (legs, butt, etc) which is disgusting enough as it is but then I saw him do the same for literal minors, like tzuyu from twice. I messaged him asking what the hell he was doing objectifying women but also actual children and he blocked me lmao. He later unblocked me to let me know that's just how he tagged things and it was my fault he had anxiety and then he blocked me again.

Back before the tumblr purge this fandom was repulsive to a degree I cannot even begin to describe. Someone would reblog something from me, I'd go to their blog and it would be underage jpop idols and japanese p*rn all the way down. I even stumbled upon a man editing underage su into p*rn gifs. Obviously no proof of that but I did go find my initial reaction to it

The number of times I'd get a follow from someone then go to their blog and it would be as mentioned above or their bio would be the most misogynistic trash I'd ever read was staggering. I genuinely considered giving up and deleting this blog so many times bc i felt oberwhelmed and outnumbered by these gross old dudes; and so the fact that this fandom has evolved into a bunch of chaotic wlw?? Amazing, I could cry.

Fun phenomenon of women running bm blogs was men sending messages asking if we liked babymetal. No joke. I think this happened to me two or three times but I spoke w other female creators at the time and it had happened to them as well. My entire blog is babymetal, and yet???

He said the weird guy idk bc he sent some random ass messages vaguely insulting me and when I responded coldly, he acted confused so I said you're some guy idk, hence the above message starting as such. Also that pic and the one up above that has my current pfp bc I just took those screenshots. Like I said I typically blocked weird dms but I guess these passed me by so I still had the messages.

Most people know the sub reddit is the worst and don't need me to tell you but it's a hellscape and I highly recommend avoiding it. A short list of things I've had to see as a result of going there: men discussing at length kano and momoko's appearances and how they look in costume vs in normal clothes. Men discussing at length the hope that the girls would marry men who aren't Japanese, a thread that was from when all 3 girls were underage. They aren't gonna marry you dude they're really not.

The insulting of billie Eilish, a 17 year old at the time, was horrible too. Su and moa got to meet her, something they were extremely excited for, and they posted a pic; the comments were disgusting as you can imagine. The yui rumors were terrible too, fatshaming, slutshaming etc all based on nothing. Some man saying the rumors about yui leaving bc, no joke this was a real rumor, she "got too fat" couldn't be true bc "look at saya." Saya being a barely 18 yo back up dancer who covered the third spot after yui left but before the avengers. Not to mention the upskirt shots from when they were minors, the constant editing of their faces onto explicit photoshoots etc. I remember being a new fan looking for a su pic on google and being horrified at the fact that one of the top suggested results after her name was “bikini;” she was 16 at the time. Also, the uptick in massively creepy posts and messages sent to bm blogs as each girl, but esp moa and yui, approached 18 was disgusting.

Now for some personal nonsense. A big reason why I haven't touched my youtube channel in months is bc I got tired of dealing with the men of this fandom. I poke fun at metal and get told I deserve to die. I say ped*philes and creepy men are gross and get a swarm of middle aged men cursing at me. Had a guy cry about how men are shamed for liking bm and then he turned around and said some gross shit about wlw. Had a guy call me racist for liking a band he also likes (and despite him having no way of knowing my own race) and tell me the babymetal fandom doesn't need my kpop feminist bullshit, which is honestly a great description and I thought about putting it in my yt about lmao. Had a middle aged man unironically say he'd never seen a man be creepy towards bm but fans su and moa's ages calling them hot was creepy. The disillusionment....the level of unawareness is astounding. If you want to see screenshots of some of these comments they are fairly recent in my don't mind me tag; I don't want to see them anymore tho bc they're infuriating so I'm not going to look at them to post here.

Essentially I haven't looked at my channel since may bc men are exhausting and rude and refuse to examine the fandoms they're a part of no matter what. They're told by a woman of the fandom that she's had bad experiences personally and they all start crying about how it's either a lie bc they haven't seen it or unimportant. I did stop reading comments in may and I will never read another one again probably as a result of this shit. Trash men being trash are not worth my time and I refuse to give them anymore of it. I do plan on making more videos tho and let my ~feminist kpop bullshit~ live in their minds rent free.

I will also continue to make fun of metal and the creepy men in this fandom bc it's important and I'm a spiteful asshole who likes disrupting these dudes perfect bubble of a fandom. It genuinely brings me so much joy seeing all the new fans recently (which sidenote if you got into them recently I am kinda curious as to how you found them; I've gotten tons of new followers and considering how inactive they are rn I'm curious). People sending messages about how they finally feel like they belong or that they have a safe space....like I don't even know what to say and I never feel like my responses fully convey how genuinely wonderful that is and how thrilled I am that this is where we're at now and I have had at least some part in it. As this post shows, my experiences have been negative for the most part so the shift recently is such a relief I cannot even begin to explain my gratitude.

So to anyone who read all of this and hasn't disintegrated from the male bullshit, thank you. Keep being yourself and fighting for your place in this fandom, esp if you're a young woman; keep making fun of the creeps and keep making wlw memes!! Babymetal's music is in such a huge way meant for girls and to see more and more finding their way to this previously hellish beyond belief fandom is incredible.

[kg2hub]

so let’s talk about the kindergarten amino. 

there are issues we need to address like grown ups, which some certain people refuse to do.

i’m not gonna lie, i avoided getting amino for the longest time because i am aware of how much of a festering cesspool of toxicity it is there. it’s terrifying, how shitty people can be on there honestly. the community?  garbage. absolute garbage, and despite not having an account there i personally know my friends have been affected by the utter bullshit that goes on in there.

sure, i know many of the wonderful creators there, good friends who mean the world to me, and amazing talented mutuals of mine spanning multiple social media platforms who are on the amino as well. good people exist. but so do the bad ones, and it seems on amino specifically, the bad people are more prevalent there.

it’s kind of really stupid, how much of a horrible place that app is, and yet the kindergarten communities i’ve personally witnessed on tumblr, discord, instagram-- are so much kinder, supportive and not at all what a certain mod team describes. 

how curious! it’s almost as if the behaviour you allow freely in a community breeds likeminded people in that community! :) mindblowing, isn’t it?

on that topic. the kindergarten amino mods. 

according to the oxford dictionary1, a moderator is defined as being 1. a person whose job is to help people or groups who disagree to reach an agreement ;  4. ​a person who is responsible for preventing offensive material from being published on a website. 

notice how none of these definitions say anything about uhhhhh “talking like a simp” lmao? 

like what they said to a friend of mine who asked why she didn’t get the mod position she applied for and when she asked what was “wrong” with the way she spoke to people when they answered her, case in point:

:)

under the cut, here are the requirements for how a kga mod is supposedly obligated to speak to people, straight from the mod team themselves (and how the above and below are incredibly unfitting for someone supposedly in a moderator’s position):

the above images are the message that came before the first screenshot from the convo from my friend shown above the cut. now, let me point out the issues with this list. the 1st definition of “moderator” portrays a mod as helping two parties reach an agreement with one another after an argument. the 4th definition of “moderator” is someone who is responsible for preventing offensive material from being published on a website (in this case, app)

“talk casual” is not applicable to these definitions. this has little to no relation to how a mod may mediate a situation, but there are a few conceivable pros and cons.

pros: both parties in an argument may find them easier to talk to, and might understand each other’s points better when explained in terms that come off as relaxed and not like a serious adult wagging their finger at a child. 

cons: the exact opposite might happen due to the fact they will sound less professional and may be taken less seriously, and there is no guaranteed way the two parties in question will interpret the mod’s efforts in either a good or bad way. 

in conclusion, speaking casually to someone as a mod is not important nor does it affect how the actual act of moderation occurs. “speak respectfully” is the phrase you’re looking for, kga mods. it doesn’t matter how formal or casual you are, as long as you’re not straight up being a dick to anyone.

“try to make negatives sound neutral” is, in other words, deliberately wording a situation to avoid taking one specific side of an argument. --the issue with this, is that there are some situations that are rooted in facts, and you cannot change a negative fact to “make it sound neutral” because it exists in reality as a negative fact no matter what you think or how you try to convince yourself otherwise. there are cases where one person is wrong and one person is right, and that is the end of that. there are cases where it doesn’t matter what the user’s intent behind their actions were; well-meaning or not, if they did something wrong, they did something wrong. tell them what they did wrong, issue a warning, let them apologize and move on if they won’t do it again. if they’re a repeat offender, take the appropriate actions for the situation and deal with it responsibly as the person in the authoritative position. end of story.

there are differences between petty arguments (eg. who is the “best” character), and serious matters that should be dealt in a serious way (eg. art theft, rape jokes, bullying). nothing in this world is completely black and white, but there is a clear difference between what will harm a person, and what will not; what is good for the sake of a community, and what isn’t. and frankly, if you think you can dispute that and take a neutral side on urgent issues anyway, you are incredibly mistaken. 

this can be a tactic used for de-escalation, absolutely, and for making sure you aren’t inserting your personal opinions into the argument by looking at it from an objective point of view. but it is not fit for every situation, and the fact that it’s listed as “one of the ways a mod is supposed to talk to people” puts it in a checklist for the “standard” of how they should speak, which therefore implies that a mod needs to “try” to use it in every situation possible. instead of, you know, judging the situation and reacting accordingly rather than going a roundabout way that doesn’t go straight to solving the actual issue between users. i would count that specific point as bad wording on their part, but my point for all of this still stands regardless.

“be patient” does play an important part of handling arguments between two people, i will agree with that. it’s advisable to be the calm, rational one when dealing with two people whose emotions are influencing them to only see their side and no one else’s. that’s only assuming the situation isn’t as serious as other ones may be, however, and that there are multiple sides to the argument at all. 

of course this isn’t the case for other things that are much worse, and if we recall the 4th definition of a moderator in modern, internet-associated terms, it is the mod’s duty to prevent offensive, harmful material from being posted on a website. not everything can be solved with patience and talking things out when someone is breaking the rules. a moderator also needs to be able to put their foot down when needed, and take action especially in the case that the mod isn’t actually being listened to.

as a person being confronted by a mod, it’s easy to say you agree and won’t do it again but you’ll just do it again anyway. which is why punishment, repercussions, consequences (banning, reporting, etc) are put in place to prevent these things from happening. relying only on talking things out cannot and will not stop people from doing what they want, if they don’t listen and have no desire to change for the better.

“try to make your users comfortable while talking to you” is not applicable in every situation either. of course it’s important to ensure you are respected as a mod, and that you are respectful towards other people as well. it’s nice to have a friendly disposition when talking to people, so they aren’t intimidated or scared of you, or think you’re stuck up or unlikable or mean and whatever else. 

but in the end, it doesn’t really matter what everyone thinks of you, whether you’re a mod or not. not everyone will like you at any given point, ever. that’s just a fact of life. what matters as a mod, is doing your job properly. the way others see you is a factor in it, sure, but as a mod you will always inherently be someone who some others are a little jumpy when talking to you. but most people also don’t have any reason to be uncomfortable if they aren’t doing anything wrong in the first place. if they’re hurting people and being toxic, it doesn’t matter how comfortable they are when talking to you.

in addition, it’s possible to be amicable while also being firm and direct about moderation work. and it is also possible to separate how you speak in a friendly conversation with someone, compared to speaking to someone who has seriously messed up and broken the rules. 

“smiley face trademarked” this straight up has nothing to do with being a mod. it’s just a typing quirk. it’s not important to what makes someone a mod. it also is typically used for passive aggressiveness so. if the kga staff wants to come off to their community that way, i am not fishing out the one (1) radioactive shoe in the sewers that is the kindergarten amino. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

“de-escalate situations or try to stay calm” does fit exactly with what i was talking about earlier. this is the 1st definition of moderators, and essentially is part of their job. i legitimately don’t have objections to this, that haven’t already been said, because it is a mod’s job to keep the peace between the people in an online community.

this message came after the list they provided, before the screenshot of my friend asking if her not sugarcoating things was the issue. for context, she had challenged their authority before this instance, and critiqued the way the mods would usually handle situations. in that, they don’t actually handle the situation and would opt for “being a simp” rather than solving the issue. (keeping this in mind, it’s hard not to suspect they rejected her because of past hostility against her for speaking her mind before this.)

it’s not hard to change the way you speak according to the situation. you don’t talk to the principal (or your boss if you’re older), the same way you would talk to your best friend, or the way you would talk to a sibling, and you don’t speak to a stranger on the street, or significant other in any of those ways too. 

it doesn’t matter how she spoke when she critiqued the mods. the way she spoke for that occasion was appropriate for the topic, and does not in any way correlate or give any indication to how she would speak to a general person if she was in a mod position.

it doesn’t matter about how “relatable” you are as a mod either. that has nothing to do with moderation and does not make you do your job any better or any less than someone who “isn’t relatable” whatever the fuck that means. 

a teacher can be relatable all they want, but they can and will get booted from their job if they’re, y’know, not actually doing their job; aka teaching. a teacher can teach without being engaging in any way for the students at all, and that arguably isn’t good either, but the difference is, as much as the students may not like it, that’s not a requirement for their job, hence why a teacher would not get fired for being boring but still getting information through to their students, but a teacher would get fired for not teaching no matter how fun, relatable, or friendly they are. 

the power a mod has is supposed to be used to moderate, while “being relatable” is not needed, even though it can be beneficial, to actually do your job properly.

ah yes, this screenshot again. urban dictionary’s 1st definition of “simp” is:  Someone who will say anything to please someone, particularly a girl, in the hopes that they will be in good favor with that person.

and that really speaks for itself why simps are unfit to be in a moderator position. essentially, they are suck ups. fakes. they will, by this definition, say anything to win the good graces of other people, to win approval, and make people like them. --and as i mentioned before, this is not the job of a mod in any way, shape or form.

it is not beneficial for a mod to suck up to someone who is breaking the rules and hurting others. it doesn’t matter what the community’s opinion is of how likable a mod is; the mod is the person in a position of power, and it is their job to make sure no one is breaking the rules or posting anything harmful to others or to the community. that has nothing to do with popularity contests.

and, this shows how these mods handle situations if they “talk like a simp” to the perpetrators. it’s a substantial reason why this mod team doesn’t actually get their work done if this is the way they speak to people. to talk in this manner means they are not really telling the perpetrators what they’re doing wrong and trying to get them to stop, but are rather encouraging and enabling them to keep doing terrible things because of the fact that “it will please them, and that person will think good of the mods”

--another point i should talk about, is the “we have to be kind and try to understand” part of what they said. 

according to one of my friends, some people in the kga mod team are over 18?? i don’t know if this is true, and i don’t really care. but if it is, maybe fucking act like it lmao. if you really are adults-- even some young teenagers already know this-- but you should already know it is completely possible to be kind and polite to someone while disagreeing with them and telling them they are wrong and what they did is wrong. 

it’s word choice. there is a deliberate difference between choosing to type “wow you’re so stupid, don’t you know you’re not allowed to post this? delete it, dipshit” and “hey there! this post doesn’t fit the posting guidelines, so please take this down. thanks!” 

there’s also a neat little thing where a person can understand why a person did something and the reasons why they think something is right, looking at an opinion that is not their own and the contexts for why other people may think that way-- but still realize that it’s fundamentally wrong and they shouldn’t do that anyway! it’s called critical thinking. it comes with the experience of growing up, which, doesn’t necessarily correlate to how old a person is. 

so even if the mods are adults, they have no excuse for not being able to connect saying things in a kind way while also being firm about moderating and doing their job without being a doormat. 

we, as adults, are supposed to be the responsible ones when dealing with minors, and mods are the designated responsible ones over every member of an online community by proxy. by now, you should have learned these things. but i will acknowledge that not all people may be mentally capable of thinking and speaking this way as easily as others. and that’s fine and dandy and doesn’t make them a bad person-- but that also means they should not be mods in the first place if they can’t deal with things objectively but respectfully and kind at the same time.

--kinda funny how that screenshot under the simp screenshot practically agrees with that notion, huh!

( plus the fact those under 13 are not allowed to use amino in the first fucking place, yet they allow a fucking 12 year old to join without doing anything about it?? children should not be on that app until they’re old enough. it’s detrimental to them and everyone around them, and unsafe for them especially. i’m pretty sure more than two people are aware of this incident, and the fact the mods did nothing about it? pure incompetence. )

^ she put it pretty well in her own words too.

and now onto this bullshit. i, on the other hand do not personally know these people on the kga mod team, but i do not care for their opinions on me considering i don’t know them and do not care for the amino community-- nor do i have the obligation to suspend my belief on whether they truly are lovely people or not. 

they allowed my friends to get hurt, everything i’ve seen from them is incompetence, and frankly, the simp one especially made me actively lose braincells trying to comprehend that any human on this planet thinks that is a legitimate, reasonable response to anyone in any situation. if it was a joke, it is their fault for putting a poorly placed joke in the middle of a serious conversation. if it wasn’t a joke, i really cannot fathom how anyone believes that is an intelligent or beneficial way to talk to people while moderating.

anyway. that response of theirs? that passive aggressive “don’t say thank you when you hate us :)” while disregarding literally everything else my friend said is incredibly childish on the mod’s part. i have legitimate trouble believing anyone but a child is typing these arguments, and i’m not saying this to be mean, but i seriously cannot imagine with every single one of my synapses, that an adult would make such a halfassed “argument” like that.

on the other hand, twitter drama exists. so. perhaps i can believe there are adults who can’t communicate properly.

either way, their true age has no relation to the immature behaviour they show throughout this conversation. child or not, adult or not, they are still being unreasonable and immature and the bottom line is that these people really shouldn’t be mods.

“the next message probably isn’t me so like don’t blame kga staff” that really does not sound like anything but an excuse to say whatever you want without actually owning up to your actions. 

a friend when i was 11 would say shitty things to me and then say “omg i’m soooo sorry that wasn’t me, my cousin used my computer!!” and that sounds just like that imo. 

i will give the benefit of the doubt for this one assuming multiple mods are using that account(?) but the “don’t blame kga staff” makes zero sense, like my friend says. if someone from your mod team says something, it means you all either agree with it (especially considering it seems you only let people like yourself and not anyone with varied opinions become mods) or you would have to retract the statement as a team and own up to what your actual opinions are. you can have individual opinions as individual mods, but i’m pretty sure that if you say things as the kga staff as a whole, it must be assumed those opinions are at least shared with most if not all members.

there are problems involving the kga staff. of course the entire kga staff will be blamed, no matter who the individual was, for causing problems in the first place.

“abrasive and downright impulsive” buddy, you and your little mod posse have had these issues spanning several months, according to my friends. there’s nothing impulsive about poking the hornet’s nest repeatedly and then getting surprised when you get stung. or in this case, called out with the truth. because the truth isn’t “abrasive”, it’s just real. 

consider: you’re being spoken to this way because you won’t listen to literally any other way whenever your inadequacies of being mods has been brought up in the past lmao. being nice obviously hasn’t worked (oh the irony). what else do you expect to happen?

“if everyone despised us and we put no effort into getting a little liked from the community [...]” you said “simp” behaviour was required for all mods. there’s a huge fucking difference between “too nice to mod properly or tell people what they’re doing wrong”, and being well liked and respected while still being competent. again, being liked by everyone is not what makes someone The Best Mod(tm). doesn’t matter if you don’t actually do your job.

“the problems aren’t with the entire staff. so I don’t see the need to blame everyone” this is exactly like saying “this cancer tumor isn’t affecting all of your body so i don’t see the need to remove it before it gets worse”

“the reason we need this more lighthearted [...] and those involved in the problem” again. it is entirely possible to be kind to someone while also dealing with problems in a responsible manner.

yep. as she said, the kga staff is the first one to throw insults at her, not the other way around. and it is incredibly hypocritical of them to talk that way. not very simp-like when you’re directly being called out on the shit you’re doing wrong, huh :) 

and you heard it here folks; the kga staff doesn’t care about the opinions and critical feedback of it’s own members! “a bad opinion based on next to nothing” you mean the stuff you sweep under the rug and the shit she’s personally witnessed the whole time she’s been on that amino?

sure, that first mod is not specifically responsible for what the second one said. but you’re both still mods, and whole idea of being a mod is being responsible for others in the first place. and that responsibility includes amongst yourselves. if you don’t know how to police your fellow mods (and on the case if it happened, speak up if another mod is being corrupt), can you really expect anyone to believe you can moderate other people if you don’t know how to check yourselves first?

“you’ve never been a mod. you can’t judge how we do our jobs” that is a shitty argument and always has been since the dawn of time. 99.99% of people have never and will never be president or work in parliament. that doesn’t stop them from criticizing how the government runs things. the majority of an audience have never worked on a movie set before. that doesn’t stop them from saying whether they thought the movie was absolute shit. they don’t have to know how much “hard work” is put into being a mod to judge you. what matters is the outcome, they see the outcome, and will judge you because the outcome directly affects them. 

and in both of the above situations, the feedback from the outsiders are incredibly vital and influence the way the government, or the movie directors, make their next move. because if the next move they make is complete nonsensical garbage to everyone else? they’re ruined. they have to listen to everyone else or their reputation, and trust everyone else has for them, will suffer. it’s the exact same thing in an online community where its members create the content, and this is just the way humans function. she, and i, and many others of us who agree with her absolutely can judge the way you do your jobs, and at the same time you have the option of not listening. but that option isn’t always the best option for the sake of the community. these are what people who are actually fit to be mods have to decide, whether they actually want to listen to the people they’re governing, or if they’d rather avoid facing the many, many issues in their community and admitting the fact they fucked up. i’m pretty sure we all know what the kga staff is gonna pick.

you people really shouldn’t have become mods if you’re so sensitive to criticism and can’t handle confrontation. i’m pretty sure the critique you’ve been given was never a personal attack on you as people, but the point of it was, and is, to make you better mods. something which you don’t seem to care about doing.

i’m almost done here.

i have a whole bunch of disclaimers in the event whoever-the-fuck decides to argue with me on all of this. because goddammit i am a tired adult and i don’t give a shit about “mean anons” who are gonna attempt to out-logic my logic because by the end of this post, i will be done here. i will laugh as i delete your asks, on the assumption anyone will actually bother trying to fight me after everything i said. i don’t feel i’ve wasted my time with this post, but i will not waste my time arguing further with some random person on the internet. 

i’m 1000% aware that being a mod for this amino is not a serious thing. i don’t care. i know it’s not a job job where you’re getting paid to actually do shit so you don’t really have to do anything at all. which is probably why the amino community sucks so bad. i’m just saying, being in that mod position still means you’re fucking responsible for when people get hurt in your community, and when people post inappropriate shit. it may not matter to you, and it may not matter in your life in the long run, but those experiences matter to someone. and it will always be, in part, your fault because your mod team was responsible for it at the time. if you don’t care? i don’t care that you don’t care. it won’t change the fact you let people get hurt and have no regrets about it. which is even worse. 

yes, i wrote all of this out. i typed out this longass fucking essay for a few hours of my life despite that these people are likely never going to read this, or care, or take into consideration anything i said because they clearly can’t handle criticism-- because of the sheer amount of salt i have for these children, these adults, these people who can’t fucking do their jobs right. i haven’t wasted my time typing this, and i don’t care if other people see it that way because i don’t. and unlike some people, i’m not so insecure in myself that i care so much about what other people think. i wanted to do this. i’m happy with this decision. i don’t care that this isn’t a “real issue” or that “i could have done better things with my time” or “wow i’m a loser with no life” sure, thanks. honestly this was a better use of my time than staring at youtube all day. so. what i care about is that real people are affected by the things this excuse for a mod team has been pulling for way too long.

yes, i talked about how it’s easy to be kind while being firm. no, i am not being kind but the difference is that i am fully aware of it because i am making the choice to not put up with this bs. yes i’m some adult on the internet getting riled up that these people are trashy af. because some of the people i do care about are involved. your point?

and if you’re one of those mods on the kga and will not read all of this? i don’t care for your short attention span. mine’s the size of a goldfish’s too, dw. you read it and don’t care about what i have to say? great! here’s an uno reverse card. i do not know the mods or have any desire to know them based on what i do know of them. if they are willing to actually be reasonable, i may change my mind. until then, this criticism still stands.

no, i do not use amino other than the salt account i made today just to see firsthand what things go on there in the first place. i don’t care what happens to that account and have zero plans on posting on it. other than maybe a salt post, maybe. a specific phrase that really stuck as i was browsing was the community being described by one of the mods as an “emo daycare”. like i said way earlier in this post, the behaviour you freely allow is what breeds likeminded people in a community. that means: it’s your own fault that your community consists of mostly horrible, toxic people. if you actually did your work as mods, you wouldn’t have that issue with the people in the first place :) 

it is the kindergarten fandom, but that doesn’t mean you all have to act like a bunch of kindergarteners. everything they said about the fandom is completely wrong if you actually look in the right places and, y’know, stop keeping your head in radioactive sand like a fucking ostrich while refusing to look at everything else around you. i am personally friends with so many talented individuals for this fandom, and in my experience this fandom has done nothing but good for me and my overall creativity.

no, of course i’m not above criticism either. unlike some people i am rather open to it and am aware it is important and something everyone needs to deal with in their own lives including me. i just don’t care for petty squabbling. i do have better things to do after this post, after all. i’ve said everything i needed to say, and @ whatever else the people who may disagree think of this? c’est la vie. so. yeah. i’m done here, that was me being pissed off by the sheer lack of braincells i’ve witnessed tonight, gonna draw now, bye.

[we8comic]

i was the anon who sent the eyeroll dream thing and genuinely actually do you have any feelings about like dream and by extension sapnap trying to assert themselves into pop off trio streams

because i’m not gonna lie as much as i love dream and sapnap and yeah the going dark thing was funny, they do have this problem where they show up and get confrontational about not being invited and when they do that shit and put everyone on the spot about “being left out” it’s very weird to me you should just accept they want to have a stream alone right..? i was wondering what you thought about that and whether you think they genuinely feel threatened about being left out

like let george hang out with his other friends maybe i doubt they’d do this if it was quackity and karl with anyone else or even just them alone

also i’m too much of a coward to discuss this on my own main idk if you know who this is but i have a feeling it’s smth you agree with and it’s veryyy nice to see someone calling sapnap and dream out for their occasional annoying and stream ruining behaviour

sorry this is so long!! you also totally don’t have to answer btw lmao i just notice the same frustration sometimes through your liveblogging whenever sapnap and dream crash a stream

anonymous: wait wait to add onto my last ask it was the biggest power move for karl to announce that the sex havers only consists of george karl and quackity and i really felt like that was a hint drop from him, i think jokingly adding that anyone else is “a friend of sex havers” was to lessen the impact but i still enjoy the fact that he asserted (and has been asserting) that their group when they’re together is an exclusive trio

i felt it that time he was like yeah well. we were the original sex havers groupchat and i feel like sapnap and dream kinda wriggled themselves into being included like i hope none of this sounds mean i just really want dream and sapnap to understand it’s okay to not be included in everything

oh MAN do i have feelings 😩 dream and sapnap are almost comically emasculated by any little thing that makes them feel inferior and that includes being excluded from things. and i personally feel they have no right to get angry about being left out and to then show up onto their streams to express that theyre upset in front of an audience of thousands. i say this because the other three ALWAYS mention that they dm'd them and invited them to the activity or otherwise said they had reason to believe dream or sapnap wouldnt be available (and even outside of that, theyre not required to tell the other about every single one of their plans lol)

i think getting confrontational about it on stream in the middle of planned activities is childish. take a look at bad for example, who also isnt a part of the trio but doesnt get confrontational about having been left out. the trio is full of lighthearted people, bad came into the call and they asked him if he wanted to join in the game they were playing and he did and that was it. compare that to dream or sapnap and when they join calls. theyre consistently immediately accusatory. the trio will take it in stride (cus again. an audience of over 100k is watching. its really not the time and place to whine and get mad about feeling left out, those are convos to have in private), theyll throw some facts like "we invited you" "you said you were busy" "we already had this planned for a while" etc., then theyll offer an invitation to join. this invitation is usually met w quite frankly STUPID debate about "well why wasnt i included in the first place" like dude. read the room, youre streamers for a living, talk about these things off stream like an adult. plus they literally already said you could join if you still wanted to, whats the problem, why drag it out for longer than it needs to be. it just stalls the stream and their plans and shifts the lighthearted tone into somethin a little more careful (however briefly it might be, it didnt need to happen)

i LOVE karl for saying that theyre their own group and joking that their attitude is why theyre friends of sex havers. it felt like a lighthearted way to lift the mood again and kinda say "hey, we do our own things sometimes, chill"

i cant speak for whether i think they genuinely feel threatened about being left out cus not only do i not know them personally, theyre also not ccs i focus energy on (thats for quackity and george 😌) i DO think that with all the times theyve brought it up when crashing the trio streams, they should really by this point have talked about it off screen. it feels almost like they use the audience as a safety net to avoid the consequence of intruding/being mean cus whoever theyre talking to has to keep a certain face and therefore cant say certain things (might even hazard a guess that off screen they probably still dont REALLY talk about it)

i dont blame them for wanting to be a part of things their friends are doing but i blame them for the way they express that. it makes the atmosphere tense by making it far too personal for something thats visible to a live public audience.

i know theyre around the same age, but the way dream an sapnap handle conflict on screen IS immature vs the way quackity and karl do. quackity and karl have been entertainers for A WHILE and understand how to stay entertaining and theyre far more aware of their audience and the overall mood and how to handle problems and conflict without things getting too tense. dream and sapnap (sapnap moreso) have a habit of being confrontational and not lightening the mood and instead continuing to be mad, making everyone else in the call responsible for the energy of the stream instead of them themselves dealing with the tenseness theyve caused. it makes things awkward and im always hoping itll end fast and that theyd please for the love of god talk about it off stream

thats worded a little dramatically cus its rarely ever THAT bad, but it would be SO much better if it just didnt happen yknow. if they understood that they dont have to be a part of everything their other friends do AND if they understood that getting mad on stream and stalling their plans and souring the vibe isnt the best way to handle it.

tl;dr: theyre their own group who do their own things and arent required to share their plans w the rest of their friends (and usually they dm in advance anyway asking if they wanna be a part of their plans). dream and sapnap feeling excluded isnt something they should get overly heated about on stream (its an immature way to bring up the issue especially without ever offering a solution). these are problems they should talk about off stream where the trio dont have to be so conscious about their audience and its perception. i love karl and quackity for emphasizing that theyre their own group with their own plans and joking that the way they act is WHY theyre not part of the group. i think they deal w it as well as they can and i think dream and sapnap need to learn just a little more spacial awareness and how to handle conflict

edit: quackity/karl/george should be fully able to have their own stream together without anyone else intruding. dream and sapnap arent their bosses, they dont need to run all their plans by them first. if they want to have streams with just their own established group, they should be able to have that.