#this is why I can never finish anything
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you're the only one for me, baby
1.7k, steddie, one of them getting so drunk that they don't recognise the other and telling them back off i've already got a boyfriend, it's all sweetness <3 likely a modern!au and actually just goobers in love
Eddie doesn't really drink. He's not against partying but he's much more attuned to smoking a little weed to take the edge off, sometimes a spliff if he wants to mix a little business and pleasure.
Eddie doesn't really drink—so when he does, it goes about as well as expected.
From zero to a hundred.
Steve had lost track of him after directing his stumbling feet towards the bathroom to take a leak. But apparently, as he's now found out, this bathroom has two doors.
What the fuck kind of bathroom has two doors, like some weird thoroughfare?
Regardless, it took all of five minutes with no noises coming from the inside before Steve had loudly announced he was coming in, no matter what, getting quite worried for his boyfriend.
He trusted Eddie to not be too sloshed to handle a piss, even if he was on the wilder side tonight, but still leaned up against the door to chase off anyone else looking to knock—because Eddie hilariously gets pee-shy.
The door had opened easily, apparently unlocked, and Steve had stepped into the empty bathroom. The other door across the room, the one he hadn't noticed until now, was wide open to the party.
So, now he's on the hunt for Eddie.
Which is a task that feels a little bit like herding cats because drunk Eddie isn't something Steve has a lot of experience with. But what he does know, is this: it's the opposite of high Eddie.
Stoned, Eddie likes to find the comfiest place he can (usually Steve's lap, or so he proclaims) and sink into it, like melting wax. Then, given he has access to adequate snacks, he doesn't move for quite some time.
Drunken Eddie cannot even fathom the concept of sitting still.
Either way, looking where there's food is a good as a place to start as any.
Steve ambles out the strange two-doored bathroom and flips his head back and forth, trying to remember the direction of the kitchen. He hasn't been here before—one of Eddie's band connections—and Steve's still had a couple beers himself.
He shakes his head and takes a left, relieved when it leads to the stairs. Okay, he sort of knows where he's going now. They had only come upstairs to find the quieter bathroom for Eddie.
As Steve reaches the bottom of the stairs, a faint stir of irritation flashes through him. Eddie just left him behind? That wasn't that nice, even if he was incredibly drunk.
He can hear the din of people chattering just above the music and he follows it, leading him into the half-full kitchen, people dotted around. There's a few pizza boxes scattered around and Steve eyes each of them specifically, looking for the tell-tale wipe of Eddie's greasy fingers. No dice.
Steve wrinkles his nose, spinning around and double checking before he moves on.
If not by the food, then... where?
Steve takes a few steps forward into the living room, his heart beginning to sink and shrivel all at once. There was a miserable feeling attached to looking for his partners at a party, a wallowing and awful memory tied to the feeling.
Steve pushes a hand across his chest roughly, as if trying to shove the feeling away.
Eddie wasn't... her. Eddie wouldn't do that.
But the moment he's thought it, it's stuck in his head. Steve's feet begin to speed up, checking a little more carelessly as he starts to stick his head in different rooms, his hazel eyes jumping around. Not Eddie, not Eddie, not Eddie—so many people and none of them are Eddie.
Until—there. Steve spots a very familiar looking behind as it leans over the back of the couch, the owner of said-behind talking to someone sitting on the couch.
He blinks, just to be sure, but the details come into better focus. There's chains on his belt loops and when he shakes his head, Steve can see the curls he loves to bury his hands into.
Eddie.
Steve's relief pulls him forward, his feet almost stumbling, his mouth pulling into a relieved smile. He puts a hand out, fingers spread, across the leather-clad back.
"Eds," Steve says, relief colouring his voice.
Eddie swings up abruptly, pushing himself off the couch. When he turns, a bit of liquid sloshes out of the beer bottle he's holding.
"Heyyy," The words come out a bit slurred and when he finally stands straight, he doesn't look right at Steve. "Handsssss off the merchandise, buddy."
Steve chuckles, reaching out and plucking the bottle from his boyfriend's grasp. Eddie gawps, an adorable little hiccup interrupting his shocked expression.
"Hey," He says loudly, reaching forward for it fruitlessly as Steve pulls it out reach. "That's mine." Eddie whines.
"You've had more than enough, I think." Steve says. He steals just one gulp of it before he turns at puts it on a nearby table. When he turns back, Eddie is frowning at him, brows pulled together tightly and bottom lip jutting out.
"Listen—" Eddie leans forward, jabbing a finger into Steve's chest. "I dunnowhoyouthinkyouare," The words come out in a one big jumble and Steve frowns.
What? Something sour claws into Steve's chest at the frosty greeting.
"Eddie," Steve says, his hazel eyes wide and worried as his gaze darts between Eddie's squinted face and swaying form.
Steve reaches out to put a hand on his waist, aiming to steady him, but Eddie sees it coming and widens his eyes comically. He swerves back to avoid it, his boots tilting dangerously on the wooden floors. If he was still holding his beer, Steve bets half of it would be on the floor by now.
"Wo-oah," Eddie exaggerates, waving a hand out and batting Steve's outstretched arm away. The rottenness in Steve's chest blooms, rancid and freezing. He sucks in a sharp breath.
"Ed—"
"I—" Eddie says, holding up his hand and waggling one finger at Steve, like he's a naughty schoolboy. His words still have that drunken slur to them.
"—already have a boyfriend, thank you very much. He's much too pretty to be throwing it away for the likes of you, you weasel of a man..." His ludicrous and nonsensical insult trails off under his breath as Eddie's attention is drawn away by a shout across the room.
As he watches Eddie drape himself back over the couch, the sourness between Steve's ribs shifts, transforming into something infinitely sweeter. He lets out a dazed laugh, a wild smile spreading on his face before he can smother it beneath his hand.
I'm dating a lunatic, Steve thinks happily.
He reaches out and steals Eddie's beer once more, taking another large swig before giving it another go.
This time, he sidles up beside Eddie who's engaged back in conversation with one of the guys on the couch, and just waits. It only takes a minute before the dude on the couch seems to realise who Steve's waiting for and he nudges Eddie, gesturing behind him.
Eddie, still bent over the back of the couch, twists only his head to look. This time, the recognition is immediate.
He springs up, pushing the couch forward an inch in his excitement and leaps forward, his hands clawing into Steve's shoulder with a fierce delight.
"Steeeeve," Eddie croons, crowding in close. His hands start moving, fingers searching like curious spiders, fingertips dancing along the sensitive skin of Steve's neck til he's squirming back, laughter betraying him.
"Stop it." He laughs. Steve arrests Eddie's wrists in his hand and Eddie cackles, using the pause to surge forward, kissing him square on the mouth.
Eddie tastes like the beer he's been drinking and Steve barely gets a moment to enjoy it before Eddie's pulling back, leaning forward so they're forehead to forehead.
"I was looking for you." Eddie says, his doe eyes wide. His pupils grow larger the longer he stares at Steve.
Steve grins. "Uh huh. Looking for me between the couch cushions, were you?"
Eddie rears back, his head flipping as he stares back at the couch and then back at Steve. "Nuh uh. I came out the bathroom and you were goooone."
That explains it. Eddie must have left out the other door — and then thought Steve had left him behind and gone hunting for him. Something else settles in Steve's chest, relieved.
"And—" Eddie hiccups. "—and some guy tried to- to freakin' flirt with me. Can you believeee?"
Steve's grin widens by a mile. "Is that so? What you'd tell him?"
"No, of course!" Eddie says, head pulled back as if he's appalled Steve would think otherwise. He shakes his hands out of Steve's grip and drops them, fumbling for a moment to get his fingers into Steve's belt loops.
When he does, he yanks Steve forward a tad too forcefully, their bodies colliding in a way that's more sore than sexy. Eddie continues on as if he doesn't notice. "Even if he was particularly tasty," He murmurs, his lips tracing the column of Steve's throat.
"I let him know, baby." Eddie all but purrs.
And perhaps if the competition Eddie was beating off was literally anyone other than himself, Steve would be right there with him.
Instead, he can't contain his snort of laughter. Eddie was perfect; he was a possessive and drunken dog, barking up the wrong damn tree. Steve loves him.
"You're laughing," Eddie states plainly, even as his doe eyes manage to grow even more round. Steve can't help it, it just makes him laugh more.
"Treason." Eddie declares. Then using the belt loops to keep Steve captive, he leans in and blows a raspberry on his neck.
Steve lets out an unattractive squawk, his laughter melting into Eddie's as he pushes his boyfriend's face away — to which Eddie simply lets himself go limp, his face cradled and held up solely by Steve's hands.
"Christ," Steve says between his laughs, shifting his hand to hold him more tenderly. Eddie smiles dopely, then puckers his lips and closes his eyes.
Steve rolls his eyes, entirely too endeared. "Alright, c'mere," He gives in, leaning and kissing Eddie, short and sweet. When he pulls back, Eddie's eyes are open, starry and gazing up at him. He gives a dreamy sounding sigh. Steve's heart fizzles, like it's full of pop-rocks.
"Ready to go?"
"As long as it's with you, baby." Eddie says, sounding every bit like he means it.
#steve asks him if he can remember the other dude in the morning#eddie: i do recall him being distinctly super hot..... [his ass still has no clue]#steve never tells him for the fact that eddie is so chuffed to 1) get hit on and 2) get to defend his relationship#its steve lil secret :-) he does tell robin tho and she laughs so hard soda comes out her nose#i love this silly trope !#even better if they’ve only been together a short -ish time#does eddie ever find out you may ask? why yes he does. at their wedding 😇#if you take anything from this its my headcanon that eddie is pee-shy#it's gooberish but after months and months of 'you're not from around here' i'm okayyyy with that#its nice to have simply written and finished something sillay#steddie#ruby writes steddie#steve x eddie#steddie fic#steddie ficlet#steddie fanfiction#steddie fluff#established relationship#steve harrington#eddie munson#if u have more of this trope SENDDDD PLEEEK#eddie rlly is the most in love in this
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i’m making a mic shimeji!!! im not sure when i’ll be done but probably like a week or a few since i’m doing a lot of stuff and coding extra behavior animations in.. but take a little snippet
#inanimate insanity#osc#object show community#microphone ii#if anyones wondering why i never finished the cabby one its because i lost the file. oops#but this time i actually have a good understanding of what im doing so i can do even more things#when i’m done ill also compile the anims in high res if anyone wants to use them for anything#no tacomic will be in this sorry chat. youll have to wait til i make taco
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Got an itch to play Sunless Sea again and it's always such an odd experience because. Like.
I know this game. Any other game, the level if knowledge and research I have put into this would make me a confident fucking master. And yet.
I can be reading text I've read dozens of times before and i still feel...not clueless, but absolutely off the mark. It all feels so familiar and yet I've never seen a victory condition. I've at least started pretty much every storyline but I'll still see something new each time I sink some time into it. I have a fucking JOURNAL of TRADE ROUTES and REQUIRED ITEMS and somehow that's only mildly helpful
That and the fact Fallen London's lore is so fucking batshit and honestly kind of hard to research (thr wiki's are frustratingly structured for me and the browser game is just. A bit inaccessible for me) means I can have a pretty solid understanding of what's going on in each port and what each faction is about and still ZERO FUCKING GRASP ON LITERALLY ANY PLOT
#to be clear! this is a big part of why i enjoy it#like...imo fallen london is kind of a perfect cosmic horror setting#bc you can learn everything there is to know and so much remains somewhat inscrutable#leaves me hungry for information which is a little frustrating but still enjoyable#also its so slow paced? so youre really left to juat kinda. stew in the atmosphere#anyway if anyones super familiar with it and wants to give me tips id love to talk about it asfgjgjf#im still trying to build up money early game#juat finished the salt lions and it seems the khanate has spawned on the fucking furthest north eastern corner#so i need to fucking find it so i can run the sun trade for a bit#sunless sea#also forgot you only get the sub unlocked in one playthrough so i gotta do that again#but tbh the unterzee stuff is what i know least about. ive done stuff here and there but not finished anything#i need to know what the deal is with the nook#also that fucking spider TERRIFIES me even tho its never caught me
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Only two chapters left of Wobbly Hearts and then I’m DONE. 21 is pretty much finished I just got to edit it and look over it and all that, and 22 needs some tweaking but its almost done too and I’m AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA longest I’ve ever worked on anything like this and it’s almost done!!!!
#Knox rambles#is it a little silly to celebrate finishing a fanfic? maybe! but that’s not gonna stop me#worked on this thing for like what? three years?#that’s crazy#so close to being done |;A;/#now all i need is to make so no extra chapters sneak up on me#they shouldn’t this is all i had planned but you never know hLGJKSDF#i remind you this was supposed to be a oneshot and now it’s over 100k and 22 chapters long so we can see how good i am at keeping things#the pre-planned length that they’re supposed to be XD#it would be so cool if i could finish this for the new year#i know it probably won’t get done that fast but a guy can hope#i wanna draw everyone’s designs for the end of the fic still aaaa#oh I just got an idea for that actually mwahahaha#okay anyway just rambling a bunch cause I’m excited that I’m actually gonna complete this#completing things never cease to feel unreal to me i remember never feeling like i finished anything and now I’m finishing another fic and#it’s so long#aaaa#okay okay back to it methinks! hope y’all’s holidays are treating you well!!!#i got a new keyboard to hook up to my iPad and i have been using it every day since to write wobbly hearts hlKGJSDF#heck im using it right now! that’s probably why I’m so chatty in the tags again typing is easy texting is SO ROUGH i love keyboards okay bye#LEGO NINJAGO Wobbly Hearts AU
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So, my mom was telling me how much free time I have, and I was like, "I have no freetime wth do you mean?????" And I just wanna see if this is like. A normal way to think of things?
Things I need to do:
Finish reading icebound land
Make a whole lotta art that I promised people
Research study abroad programs
At least one Dutch lesson a day
Keep my room clean
Talk to my friends so they know I love them (and so I don't go insane)
My math homework
Keep myself clean (showers, finally brushing my teeth after months, etc etc) so I don't go insane
Eat at 7pm
Various things I enjoy as to not go insane
All from 6pm to 9 pm, every day, after being at school from 8 am to 3:30 pm and then The Public (teen center) from 3:30 to 5:30, and I need to be in bed by 9:30 and asleep by 10:00
So, basically, I'm "on the clock" from 7 am (When I start getting ready for school) until 9 pm, with no breaks
But yeah no I totally have free time. Yeaup
#“but you never actually do that stuff! you just sit and scroll!”#yeah cause if I'm not doing what I need to I'm not Allowed to do anything else#but I'm just. too tired. to do what I need yo#I hate high school#rambles#adhd#executive dysfunction#<- I've heard that this kinda mental math can be a symptom of those things? idk#im so tired#burnout#adhd burnout#(????? I think????)#high school#I'm just so tired of all of this#the sun is going down way too early and I barely speak at all at school and I never finish work early anymore and the teen center is loud#and I still want to be active in the fandom but I don't have time to make posts anymore#and I don't have any in person friends anymore and I don't know when the last time I got a hug was#and I'm just. so. tired. my room is clean and I have good grades and I talk to my friends everyday and I shower routinely#why the hell am I so stressed#I do everything I'm supposed to do#I just want to go somewhere else man#The Netherlands hopefully#I wanna actually DO something#go on a trip for band#not just finish the work put in front of me day after day after day after day#I wasn't built for this shit#I'm so fucking tired
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bloody mess
#blood#gotham#oswald cobblepot#curryart#this is a little........................... mm?#i don't actually know how to paint blood i've never actually done it before#it was difficult to make it transparent with his skintone#that's what I felt like anyway. it was hard to find references that explained why light works the way it does w/ an example of it On Skin#i found one that explained it in a way that was useful but... the original resource has long since been deleted#all that's left of it is the preview#anyway this isn't based on anything specific I just wanted him to bite someone#to be honest I've been looking at this for so long I can't tell if it's odd looking because...#I did something wrong or because he has odd features? maybe hsi eyes are too big i don't know#maybe they're too close together? maybe he's cross-eyed?#i think it will simply have to be finished and i can live with that
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boy in silly sitting positions compilation
#cats#I especially like the last one where he just has one single paw poking out of that box for some reason lol#I still have costumes to post and like a billion other things.... grr... constantly failing at staying active on social media aughh#I think because currently my Main Focus is on trying to get my game done and stuff.. which basically just means sitting and writing all day#so there's not much to post about. Though I know the Good At Social Media thing to do would be to post about the#writing and share progress and talk about the game and characters or whatever to try to build interest or something but that is SOOO weird#to me.. I could maybe get it if it was like a tiny tiny discord groupchat of playtesters with like 5 people in#it.. But something about talking openly about things before they happen is weird to me?? Like presumptuous feeling or something#''oooo guess whats gonna happen LATER!!!'' like.. how do you know.. what if it doesnt. what if you dont finish it. what if its not the way#you think it's going to be. what if something changes. etc. Like I literally avoid movie trailers and game trailers for the same reason ghj#Even if it's not ME doing it it just feels... weird.. Maybe it has to do with my OCD and how I just don't like talking about ''future''#things in Certain Terms. Like if I was going to say ''Oh yeah sure. come over to my house in a few months''. I would have to follow it up#with like ''HOPEFULLY you can come over to my house in a few months'' or 'They'll come over in a few months MOST LIKELY''. Because just#stating that something will happen matter of factly takes for granted like.. what if somehting horrible happens and I DONT have a house#in a few months? or what if something bad happens to me. or to the person coming over? I can't ever DEFINITELY say with 100% certainty#that one could ACTUALLY come to my house in a few months. anything could change. So I have to allot for that in my phrasing. hbjjkn#There are a lot of situations where you're expected to just Assume Things but for some reason that bothers me. My brain literally does not#even Assume the most basic things.. like how do *I* know that just because it's someones birthday that they want to be wished a happy#birthday? what if they dont? everyone is different and has different preferences. I should check with them first. or wait until they public#ly announce that theyre accepting birthday wishes. I have to allot for all 5034859069 rare possibilities at any given time and never take#anything for certain. etc. ghjbjhbh.... ANYWAY.. I have been feeling a bit sick lately as usual.. but still slowly making progress on some#things. Moslty I need to edit costume photos. make sculptures. and work on the game. Going back reading some of the old writing from like#2018 and suprisingly I don't have to change that much of it? In fact I like it mostly. so that's good. I would be very interested if I were#playing the game myself. Though that doesnt mean much since my tastes are so niche lol..#Still really want to clear some of my million tumblr drafts as well... alas and aughh and ooughh and so on and so forth. Between all of my#evil appointments other such things...why cant I have one billion dollar to retire into relaxed hermit artist life of no stressors.. bleas
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genuinely why is there so much misinformation about the guardians of childhood book series?
#Lemme be a toxic fan for a moment bc im so tired and stressed and i need to yell my silly fandom frustrations out to the void#The people saying Jack is fourteen in them. No.#He can manipulate his age from 11 to 18 and is dating a 25 yr old#people still insist that the books are connected to the movie despite there being no possibility for that since 2018#And like they totally guess what happens in the books#I saw someone try to say that dreamworks were being 'weird' and aged Jack up to ship him with tooth but in the books he was a child#three things: He's not fourteen (see above for age. He's essentially an adult and is treated as such) and is dating an adult#And he didn't make an official appearance in the books until 2018. Six years AFTER the movies release#and thirdly dreamworks aged him DOWN????#Joyce's og idea was an adult with a wife + kids ???#Like what are you talking about#never mind the people insisting that JACK IS 12???? NO??? Where did you get ur information bc wtf???#the movie started production (in 2008) before any of the books even existed (first book was published in 2011)#We have no idea how much of the books they had! The most they had were Joyce's ideas that were subject to change (and boy did they change)#the walking eggs in the movie didn't come from the book (even tho they're in there) they came from Joyce's doodling on notes!#The third book published alongside the movie tie-in books and then days later the finished film premiered at the Mill Valley Film Festival#by the time the second book rolled around (2012) the movie was probably finished and was just getting distributed by paramount and#was possibly even finished in 2011! Four years of production of the movie and then the first book got released#I cannot express enough how much the books are not the source material for the movie. If anything is it's the 2005 short film Joyce made#God it's so infuriating to see people discussing the books like they're the Bible without having read it. I get so irrationally upset#And why are we talking about the books like they have any relevance to the movie after 2018? that book completely severed all ties#Like I get it if people want to connect them but you'd have to ignore the entire last book to do that (which yeah most do)#but there's so many assumptions about the books and it makes it clear who got their into from fan rumors and who actually read them#if you are basing ur understanding of a book you've never read based on fanfic maybe you just shouldn’t say anything about the book#rotg#rise of the guardians#guardians of childhood#goc
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Guys should I write a Dracula musical. Should I???
#BUT I NEED TO FINISH MY ROBIN HOOD ALBUM TOO#it’s going well!! I think!#but I’ve just listened to the Jekyll & Hyde musical soundtrack it was pretty good#a couple really great songs#so currently I’m kind of obsessed with like old gothic horror stories? something like that?#but like. retellings#because I am still sooo in love with The Glass Scientists#in love in love in love#and then I listened to the Dracula musical soundtrack#I reeeally did not like it#I only listened to the soundtrack though I didn’t watch it#but there was barely anything on Arthur and Jack and Quincey????#the three suitors??? hello????#where did they go :(#AND MINA ENDS UP WITH DRACULA???#EXCUSE YOU SHE WOULD NEVER#I love Jon and Mina so much why would you do this to them :(#anyway I want to write my own Dracula musical now#I can do that right? how hard can it be?#I’ve already written two episodes of a musical TV show for my creative writing class#and I’m actually quite proud of those#I also need to catch up on my Dracula Daily!! I’m a few days behind#also if I write a Dracula musical I will absolutely be imagining the songs with the voices of the Re: Dracula cast#dracula daily#re dracula#robin hood mechs au#<- tagging that so someone can tell me NOOO FINISH YOUR ROBIN HOOD MECHS ALBUM FIRST!! YOU LITTLE SILLY!!#if you actually read through all these tags wow! thanks for your time :)#dracula the (other) musical#<- my tag for this now I guess
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Okay so i have NEVER (and i mean NEVER) watched TUA, but my wonderful and amazing friend @aroacebooknerd is a huge fan and quite genuinely 99.9% of what they’ve posted recently has been reblogs of people who are angry about the S4 ending and the character assassination of Five
so here’s basically what I know about season four (and TUA in general):
TUA fans: Oh boy! I can’t wait for the season 4 finale, we’re finally gonna get closure! I’m hoping all the characters will finally be happy and something with marigolds will happen! TUA director (i think): uhm actually no we’re going to give this practically cannon aroace character a love interest and make him a homewrecker! That’s what you guys wanted right? TUA fans: *unintelligible screeching and angry noises*
So heres what i know:
Marigolds?? Those are important for the ending for some reason
a man named Klaus who sets off my gaydar and smth abt him being a stripper? (He’s like my queen Dan wildes, pop off king)
Five (I I still don’t know why he’s named after a number?) is somehow like 75 but also 18
This woman named..uh I forget, but her actors name is Rita I think and apparently she’s like 34 and agreed to cheat on her loving husband (who’s five’s brother) with five. this is so potent with the stench of pedophilia. this is so not okay. you can’t just be like “oh but he’s 18 so he’s legal so it’s okay!” Like NO SIR THATS NOT OKAY
apparently they waited for fives actor to be like 18 before they forced him to kiss Rita or wtv??? like…that is illegal sir? or if it’s not it should be?? Wtf??
I saw a picture of the kiss that happened between them and I started genuinely BURSTING OUT LAUGHING. and not in the “haha that’s hilarious!” Way but in the “HAHA OMFG THIS IS SO NOT FUNNY AND STUPID” way. Like. that kiss looked so uncomfortable. you can TELL that five’s actor is uncomfortable. wtf guys.
the trans guys voice got deeper!! that’s so good for him!! we love seeing representation of trans people and their journeys through transitioning (or not if they don’t choose to, but the emotional journey they partake in)!!
we’re sad abt a woman named Sloan for some reason
S1 Allison and Luther (I have no idea who they are) was uncomfortable
one of the main guys has like a kill count of the entire population of the fucking planet. Apparently his powers are like..out of control and he killed everyone?? …how….i have so many questions and i know that none will be answered
theres like five main characters and they are all apparently siblings. So i guess SOMEONE was getting dicked down good
SOMETHING ABOUT SOMEONE WITH A MONKEY BODY
theres a guy that’s a ghost..i think his power was like Painful As Fuck™️
I think there was a kraken involved at some point?
It’s giving found-family aftg vibes but also not ( nothing could ever compare to my beloved aftg)
i tHink they’re all like assassins?
There’s something about their being normal versions of them, and then Sparrow versions on them? What?
something about a mannequin and how Five really likes said mannequin
fives character was assassinated bc he would always choose his family over himself and that’s not what he did in the finale
they all end up dying in the end, no closure is given, everyone is angry, Obama has packed up his stuff and is NOT there
Yea, thats pretty much all I know
Which is..not much
I am still VERY confused the more i look at this list
Feel free to reblog this or whatever to just rage about the season 4 finale bc from what I understand it was SHIT
I was considering watching the show before but like..do i even want to at this point?
I don’t wanna fall in love with the show knowing that THIS SHIT is gonna happen
I deeply empathize with all the TUA fans. I feel so bad for y’all 😭
#whys it called the umbrella academy?#Is it always raining?#And why do I never hear anything about their time at the academy?#Is this not central to the story?#Then why would it be called the umbrella academy if they’re not going to school?#tua#tua season 4#tua s4#the umbrella academy season 4#the umbrella academy s4#tua spoilers#TUA#the umbrella academy#umbrella academy#i know nothing about this show evidently#This is like voltron season 8 (i think) all over again#i was on like season 3 and now i can never finish the show
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I don't know what writing I want to work onnnnnn
#I have too many options and I'm getting overwhelmed by them all again#aheem heem whimper#why can i never FINISH anything#i can start fics endlessly but finish them???#hah.#rambles from the floor#someone drag me towards a fic or something#i'll kick and scream but i think i need it
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ooooof why did it take me about 3.5 hours to write about the very first fadelstyle scene alone. at this rate i'm never gonna finish the main text by sunday night (monday noon)
#and i HAVE to finish at the latest by monday at noon#bc i'm busy all afternoon on monday and tuesday i have classes again#and wednesday i also have classes before the new ep drops so i can't really do anything there#except for maybe do some editing/proofreading (at least in the morning class)#ideally i'd done with the main text by appointment monday afternoon#bc i'm studying with my language buddy and i can ask him all the language questions i still need to clear up for my meta by then#and then monday evening when i get home i can work the new info into my meta#and then tuesday in my free time i'll make the gifs i need and then proof-read everything at night#anyway it's 1:30am i better get back to writing as much as i can before bedtime#airenyah plappert#thk#adrm#thing is!! i'll be traveling home tomorrow as well so that's already 3h i can't spend on writing#and monday i'm traveling back again so that's why ideally i'd be done by sunday night (never gonna make it rip)#technically i can write on the train altho i was gonna use that time for assignments kdfjkdf#you know what. maybe i should just pull an all-nighter now#that way i'll have the weekend to catch up on sleep so i won't be tired af when i go back to uni next week#ohhhh there's an idea yeah djfkjkdfkdg
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Junicrane/Starstruck Ramble
I will not be brief, all under the cut
To clear some things right off the bat:
No corpse, no proof with Juniper. Obligatory this is set in a canon where he's alive and adjacent to the agency in some way.
Reggie & Juniper are just gay to me, but I don't mind any interpretation of their sexuality
The games are set in 1967/68 to me (based on a couple bits in game) which is before it was legal to be gay in America at least (1971), which is relevant to how I interpret canon as being somewhat grounded in reality, despite unrealistic elements.
This is just an insane amount of headcanons/elements of and AU all culminated into one post. I will talk about some headcanons like they're just facts because they are established in my head, and it saves me over explaining literally everything, however I will explain some parts a little bit for clarity.
Alright. Actual beginning of the ramble:
Juniper is a character to me who had gotten so lost in his job as an actor and a social presence that in the end his whole life revolved around that 'role'. Because of this, by the time he's put into the situation where he's around the Agency, he basically knows nothing about himself, though he doesn't realise at first. Furthermore, what little identity he had has changed in so many ways. He's no longer a beloved famous actor in the prominence of public light, he's legally dead and he tarnished his career just before he was supposed to die, with the bonus of that making him lose the majority of his estate. From that, he also has horrific facial scarring from the electrical burns from literally having his face fried. I believe a friend of mine made a post about this a while ago (I also think they were the first to think it up also), but, to me, Juniper has a permanent trimmer in his right arm (aka his dominant hand) from the electrical current and it is messing with his nervous system.
All in all, he's not doing great, but he's too proud to admit that he's not doing great, because if anything, what's left of his ego is all he has as a defense since he's deep in unfamiliar water.
Before ending up around the agency (I have multiple interpretations of this, so I'm just going to bring it up generally), he'd never actually seen Reggie, and his only impression of him is a single voicemail, which was his only reference he had to later impersonate him. Juniper probably has very little feelings other than the ones he projects onto him because of Phoenix and that, at the very least, he's physically attracted to Reggie to some degree (that's like the beginning of how everything else would tumble into place in this sort of interpretation at least).
And on Crane's side? His feelings towards Juniper are probably very intense and muddled. On the one hand, he adores musical theatre, and that's his now ex-favourite actor. The thought of just casually being around him blows the bit of fanboy in him away at first because THAT'S the GUY, plus the inklings of a celebrity crush which still poke at him. And then there's the rational side of him, which knows Juniper has committed absolute atrocities on the side of Zoraxis, and hates him for that. Then there's how much Juniper comes off as an asshole at first because he refuses to cooperate with anything the Agency tried to put in place. He finds Juniper endlessly frustrating, and yet he's stuck working with him since, afterall, he's the one who knows the Agency's history with Juniper the best. I imagine him acting a lot like how he does IEYTD 1 around Juniper.
At this point, I'm just describing the pitch for a romcom.
I think the start of their relationship with one another largely started with Juniper trying to wind Crane up. It was a way of getting his attention, and I don't think Juniper knows why he's so dead set on that at first, because I don't think he realises he has a crush on 'this grump' at first. (I think that's actually the fun part about these two, because it's almost like a role reversal of the celebrity crush dynamic. This ex-big name actor has a TERRIBLE crush on an average joe and it is KILLING HIM.) But of course the Agency keeps them together because Juniper is at least conversing with Crane, so it's a start.
Through one way or another, they actually get talking casually, at least mildly at first. It takes Juniper a long time to fully deconstruct the wall he's built, and the thing is, Crane isn't the one trying to deconstruct it, at least at first, because yeah, Juniper realises if he wants Reggie to actually like him in any way, he can't keep winding him up. So they talk. Small talk at first, something rhythmic and almost easy to keep to a script. And over time that turns into actual conversations. Genuine ones in which Reggie rips out the occasional one of his jokes which Juniper is endlessly endeared about. The way he smiles just before he makes them, like he wants to chuckle at what he's about to say before he says it. That's probably when Juniper realised that he does have some vague crush on him, and that it wasn't going away.
This is what kickstarts John I can't-buy-you-things-to-impress-you-so-acts-of-service-it-is Juniper to do little things for him. It mostly starts off as him trying to make Reggie his tea how he likes it. However, the nerve damage in his arm makes that hard, as the weight of the kettle and trying to pour is hard all of a sudden. And he refuses to accept that, so he tries for a very long while. Long enough that Crane would go to investigate what was going on. And when he does see Juniper leaning over a cup with the kettle as he uneasily tries to pour it, and when Crane asks Juniper responds so matter-of-fact that his intention is nothing but genuine. And it catches Reggie off guard because Juniper hadn't done anything like that up to that point, and his very apparent vulnerability is so clearly on show.
It shifts something between them.
From that point on, conversations are longer, more familiar. Both of their attitudes soften, and Reggie makes more jokes. Juniper learns how to better use his left hand while strengthening his right back to a point where it could be used again. Slowly, they're both spending time with one another not because they have to, but just because they can. Little bits at first, not too far outside what they already were doing, but those little bits turned into long bits to a point where the other person's company was genuinely desirable.
As time passes, Juniper probably realises that he doesn't genuinely know much about himself or what hobbies he's into, because he never really had the time when he got big, and his home life in his youth wasn't bad, but it wasn't picturesque. I think Reggie would pick up on it, and absolutely try to introduce him to some things he's into. Some things stick, other things don't (corn husking very much stays Reggie's passion, and John will go with him sometimes because it's him, but it's not something he strongly cares for). Crane introduces him to a lot of music, and it's something that becomes a staple between them, with tracks they listen to more than others (tragically, I know relatively little about 60s music so I couldn't really say what). Occasionally they dance, never anything intense, think slow dancing, but the closeness is nice.
Through all of it, Juniper is battling the worst crush of his life, and he can't stand it, because I think he struggles to read people since he doesn't have anything like a script or a director to refer back to, so he has no idea if Reggie likes him back or if he's just desperate for that to be true. I think because of that any sort of confession between them would be incredibly raw, not only because of the time they live in making it hard for them to be truthful about how they love, but because it's a complete show of Juniper who's worked to be this better person. I don't exactly know how that would go, mainly because I don't have one set version of their dynamic, this post is just a generalisation of main consistent points.
Reggie does like him back, because he's gotten used to Juniper being just this guy, not a figure in the public eye, not a Zoraxis lackey, and not any sort of Agency operative (despite being under their care to some degree). He's someone he genuinely cares for, because they've given one another the time of day to learn one another, and I think because Reggie was a field agent, he was a lot better at reading Juniper than Juniper was at reading him. Eventually Juniper's company becomes something he could see around him for the rest of his life, and I think he accepts that he likes Juniper a lot more gracefully.
I think any affection directed at Juniper would at first be met with him feeling a little muddled. Reggie was a very physically affectionate person when he could be, and sure the initial flirting with one another came with the occasional little touches, but everything now was so deeply intentional. I also don't think Juniper would almost ever get over the novelty of being able to kiss him, or many other gestures, because it made the fact that they were together so very real, and it was great. I do think it comes easier to Reggie, and it's a big way of showing how much he cares, so it's important for Juniper to try and show it back because he knows how much it means to the other.
I like the idea of them eventually living with one another, too. I think Juniper would have always had a quiet little daydream of sorts where he does just live a domestic quiet life, and he can with Reggie (well, as close as they can get between the Agency and Zoraxis always being at odds), and he loves that, and he loves him, and it's immense.
I think they cook for one another a lot, it helps Juniper work on his dexterity in a controlled environment, which means a lot because it's a huge point of insecurity (that and his scars). He does improve, and Crane is proud of that and shows it and it's great. I also think they'd probably cook together too, because they can deal with being in the kitchen together and they work well with one another. It's probably a good way for them to unwind because over time they can do it in relative silence.
As I said before, I also think music is a staple in their household, and that Reggie listens to things on vinyl almost all of the time because he likes the background noise. Sometimes Juniper will catch him chuntering along to the music which he finds endlessly endearing. I wouldn't put it past his dramatic ass to also join in to fluster Reggie, but I also don't think Reggie would mind that terribly because Juniper has listened to the music enough to know the lyrics, and that's huge to him.
I don't think they are without rough patches, no relationship is, but I think the good part about them is that they're willing to talk about it (... eventually). They're used to long conversations, and while they're often less fun conversations, they're needed and they know that, and it works out.
Alright. I think I'm done for now. I haven't mentioned everything, but this definitely got the worst of it out of my system. If you ever want to hear any specific thoughts my ask box is open but other than that, behold my general dynamic for these two which has been festering in my head for years. I think they're great
#ty right-agent for explicitly telling me that this would be welcomed you a real one#i had a massive babble to my friend abt what if they all feed me to the hounds for speaking#and he said “girl that fandom is like 12 people big they need you to speak” and yeah that also helped#i have a hard time talking if I'm not asked/prompted to that's why i adding tags is great for me. that and i like the format#anyways.#THESE TWO.............dear lord can you tell I have been unwell abt them forever..#this is propeganda (/j) for them. btw. please you have to understand the potential here. it's so good.#it's slowburn <- my (probably) demiromantic ass cannot handle romance without a build up and this set up is perfect (it will never happen)#also i find it easier to write ANYTHING between these two from Juniper's perspective because i find it easier to get into his head#idk reggie is like the gay version of the: what is he thinking of? i could take a bear in a fight. audio ive heard.#whereas with juniper i have him trapped under a microscope#im going to tag this now so i can use the remaining tags to RANT#ieytd#john juniper#reginald crane#junicrane#starstruck#i expect you to die#<- being BRAVE!!!#when I get really excited i start getting like this internal shaking feeling and uh. yeah this rant started that#the worst part abt that is it also triggers my tourettes so like. double whammy. excited about blorbos? jail :(#but. yeah I uh. yeah. sorry this IS so long..I did warn but . AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHHHAUUUUUUAHHHHHHHHHHHHH#also i did this rant in 2 parts. last night and this morning so yeah uh. yeah.#god im so messed up about these two#make me a boat by the family crest came on while wroting this and while it's mainly a roxanix song to me......AUUUUUG.....#i struggle to find music for these sillies because they have such a specific vibe to me amd I've not quite managed to find something which -#- genuinely feels correct for them and it drives me up the WALL#GOD NIGHT SHIFT JUST CAME OF SHUFFL.....all my ieytd songs are coming out to drive me up the wall.......#FINISHED I've been adding tags as I've gone alonga#thank you for reading hope you enoyed and if you didn't im sorry
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I need to stop coming up with new fic ideas when I haven't even finished the ones in my fucking folders
#sass talks#tell me WHY when talking to sammy today my brain is like#“you know...you've done a lot of knh demon x angel or immortal x demon or fox hunter x fox spirit...”#“but you never done like a knh spn au where jiang yuelou is a monster hunter like dean and chen yuzhi is an angel like castiel”#and i'm just over here like CAN I FINISH THE FUCKING FICS I HAVE FIRST BEFORE I DECIDE TO FUCKING WORK ON ANYTHING NEW?! PLEASE?!
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Reminder to self when I've done some more writing: Remind people that I'm canon-strict, what that means, and how I guess it means that I'm reclaiming yet another term that has been rendered as being something akin to negative by the masses. Better known as, a... 'lore purist'. Hi, yes, that's me! Hi, hello, my name is Sae, how do you do?
#[ out of character. ] don't bend or water it down. don't try to make it logical. rather: follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.#[ honestly-- i love the muses i have /because/ they're wonderful within their canon from pretty much start to finish. ]#[ i don't fall in love with concepts; i fall in love with actual characters. ]#[ i don't love the idea of dorian. i love /dorian/ as he is. everything about him. ]#[ okay so i don't like how they didn't allow us to see him in full glory tevinter robes but there's logic to that choice. i know. i know. ]#[ but i mean it. can there be small things that i dislike? certainly. but they're rarely choices that play into the grand scheme... ]#[ of things. things that weren't included because they don't HAVE to be (ie: his attire). or idle animations. ]#[ they can't spend time on everything. same with solas. and my genshin/hsr muses. ]#[ it usually pertains to little things and never anything big. i don't... remember when i last went 'divergent'. ]#[ because i haven't had a muse where i think the writers/creators lost their way or made sacrifices. ]#[ any way-- all of this to say what i want to say more thoroughly later: leave fanon at the door when you knock on the door of my blog. ]#[ i /elaborate/ on canon. i don't change it. and yes-- i like the lore of DA. i love it even. ]#[ why would i change it? ]#[ i can 'explain away' most accusations of retcons with relative ease with use of canon. the moment that i can't? well. ]#[ then you can make me eat my own words. but until then. here we are. ]#[ my name is sae-- and i'm a proud lore purist. it's what i've always been. and how i've always functioned on my blogs. ]#[ ... since ezio in 2016. and it won't change. i'll adhere to some changes people make for the sake of their characters of course but-- ]#[ if it changes things that adhere to things that pertain to my muses inherently? not really. unless we /really/ talk. ]
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The urge to make a world too big for my writing capabilities
Does anyone get the inspiration to write an AU, starts planning, and realizes that they can never finish it because there's just too much stuff to do? Because I just got the idea to do a superpower AU, and God I want to write it but I've seen how this story this ends with many of my other WIPs. It always gets too much.
#landoscar#lestappen#f1 rpf#fanfic#send help#why do I always do this to myself#brocedes#this is the first time I've even posted anything here because I want to finish writing a story so bad but can never#I can see the scenes but argh can't pull them all together
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