#this is wholly a connecting-dots kind of deal

[kremlin]

could you explain for the "it makes the game go faster" idiots like myself what a GPU actually is? what's up with those multi thousand dollar "workstation" ones?

ya, ya. i will try and keep this one as approachable as possible

starting from raw reality. so, you have probably dealt with a graphics card before, right, stick in it, connects to motherboard, ass end sticks out of case & has display connectors, your vga/hdmi/displayport/whatever. clearly, it is providing pixel information to your monitor. before trying to figure out what's going on there, let's see what that entails. these are not really simple devices, the best way i can think to explain them would start with "why can't this be handled by a normal cpu"

a bog standard 1080p monitor has a resolution of 1920x1080 pixels, each comprised of 3 bytes (for red, blue, & green), which are updated 60 times a second:

~3 gigs a second is sort of a lot. on the higher end, with a 4k monitor updating 144 times a second:

17 gigs a second is definitely a lot. so this would be a good "first clue" there is some specialized hardware handling that throughput unrelated the cpu. the gpu. this would make sense, since your cpu is wholly unfit for dealing with this. if you've ever tried to play some computer game, with fancy 3D graphics, without any kind of video acceleration (e.g. without any kind of gpu [1]) you'd quickly see this, it'd run pretty slowly and bog down the rest of your system, the same way having a constantly-running program that is copying around 3-17GB/s in ram

it's worth remembering that displays operate isochronously -- they need to be fed pixel data at specific, very tight time timings. your monitor does not buffer pixel information, whatever goes down the wire is displayed immediately. not only do you have to transmit pixel data in realtime, you have to also send accompanying control data (e.g. data that bookends the pixel data, that says "oh this is the end of the frame", "this is the begining of the frame, etc", "i'm changing resolutions", etc) within very narrow timing tolerances otherwise the display won't work at all

3-17GB/s may not be a lot in the context of something like a bulk transfer, but it is a lot in an isochronous context, from the perspective of the cpu -- these transfers can't occur opportunistically when a core is idle, they have to occur now, and any core that is assigned to transmit pixel data has stop and drop whatever its doing immediately, switch contexts, and do the transfer. this sort of constant pre-empting would really hamstring the performance of everything else running, like your userspace programs, the kernel, etc.

so for a long list of reasons, there has to be some kind of special hardware doing this job. gpu.

instead of calculating every pixel value manually, the cpu just needs to give a high-level geometric overview of what it wants rendered, and does this with vertices. a vertex is very simple, it's just a point in 3D space, for example (5,2,3). just like a coordinate grid on paper with an extra dimension. with just a few vertices, you can have models like this:

where each dot at the intersection of lines in the above image, would be a vertex. gpus essentially handle huge number of vertices.

in the context of, like, a 3D video game, you have to render these vertex-based models conditionally. you're viewing it at some distance, at some angle, and the model is lit from some light source, and has perhaps some shadows cast across it, etc -- all of this requires a huge amount of vertex math that has to be calculated within the same timeframes as i described before -- and that is what a gpu is doing, taking a vertex-defined 3D environment, and running this large amount of computation in parallel. unlike your cpu which may only have, idk, 4-32 execution cores, your gpu has thousands -- they're nowhere near as featureful as your cpu cores, they can only do very specific simple math with vertices, but there's a ton of them, and they run alongside each other.

so that is what a gpu "does", in as few words as i can write

the things in the post you're referring to (V100/A100/H100 tensor "gpus") are called gpus because they are also periperal hardware that does a specific kind of math, massively, in parallel, they are just designed and fabricated by the same companies that make gpus so they're called gpus (annoyingly). they don't have any video output, and would probably be pretty bad at doing that kind of work. regular gpus excel at calculating vertices, tensor gpus operate on tensors, which are like matrixes, but with arbitrary numbers of dimensions. try not to think about it visually. they also use a weirder float. they're used for things like "artificial intelligence", training LLMs and whatever, but also for real things, like scientific weather/economy/particle models or simulations

they're very expensive because they cost the same, if not more, than what it cost to design & fabricate regular video gpus, but with a trillionth of the customer base. for every ten million rat gamers that will buy a gpu there is going to be one business buying one A100 or whatever.

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[kristyavsonhero2]

now, We Know the story of the bad guys changed into the good guys. 

But what if somebody else reformed the bad guys instead of Professor Marmalade and.... someone is 10 times better then Marmalade? What If somebody has Touched the meteorite and gives her/him superpowers by 50% and keeps it a secret?

What if Shortfuse had another vision of Kristy Avson the human woman from another world (aka The Shining star) battling Dread Overlord Splaarghön?

what if there was an 4th Prophecy about the star who shined so brightly as well, but only different and whisper that says, "Only the shining star will triumph over evil." in The Bad Guys AU: shining star arc, it does.

Story: shortfuse has a new vision of.... the star, a shining star is stronger than Shortfuse (AKA the one). somewhere in the Multiverse who can defeat Dread Overlord Splaarghön and save the multiverse.

At her homeworld know as earth, Kristy avson is a just a normal 31-year-old human woman, living her life, wondering what her life's purpose is.

when Dread Overlord Splaarghön tries to make a deal with kristy to join his side, she refuses. She figures it out after she reads books like "the bad guys" is written by Aaron Blabey and connecting the dots altogether about his evil plan. even she sees the horrible future were snake joins him.

fearing for the human interference, lord Splaarghön Sents kristy to some world where she'll never see her family again.

Kristy stuck in the world where where humans and anthropomorphic animals coexist. while being stranded in this dimension, kristy saw a strange looking meteorite AKA Love crater meteorite as she looks at is. kristy get accidentally close to touch... She still has a brown hair, but one highlight in front color is Turquoise like the meteorite. her hair somehow changes one color in the front of her hair, and she got some superpowers: mind-control and telekinesis. she got away before anyone sees her.

Over time, she became extremely popular and number one priority now then Professor Marmalade.

you know the rest of the movie where Professor Marmalade reformed the bad guys, but in this au, kristy will be refroming the bad guys instead at Professor Marmalade place. kristy and snake slowly become friends because mr. snake finds kristy not scared of the bad guys (kristy can be such a badass). the rescue of Guinea pigs from a lab was a failure But at least the Guinea pigs were safe thanks to the bad guys because Marmalade asked them to.

at the gala for goodness the second time, Wolf, having fallen in love with Foxington and seeing that he and his gang could actually go good, ultimately decides to take the offer of a fresh start, kristy in a beautiful galaxy Drass and dances with mr. snake in shining star arc au.

you know this movie where then Professor Marmalade sets the bad guys up to steal the meteorite.

in the au, not olny Marmalade steals the meteorite but also kidnapped kristy and had planned for the gang to be framed. He also reveals that he was the old woman Wolf had helped at the first gala, much to Wolf's fury. snake thinks that kristy has set him up too (even kristy has nothing to do with it).

In prison, Wolf tells his gang that he does not want to be a criminal anymore and that he believes a better life is possible for all of them. Snake rejects his proposal, adamant their public perception cannot be turned. Their fight is interrupted when a mysterious person, soon revealed to be Foxington, rescues them. Wolf identifies her as The Crimson Paw, a former criminal mastermind. Now free, the gang still rejects Wolf, who goes with Foxington. The gang finds their hideout wholly emptied of their loot, as Wolf had revealed its location to Foxington earlier to appease for his crimes. After Snake willingly gives Mr. Shark his last Push Pop out of kindness, they realize that Wolf was right and set out to help him. However, Snake denies it and allies with Marmalade, who plans to use the meteorite to power a device to hypnotize an army of guinea pigs into stealing his own charity funds. Foxington reveals to Wolf that she reformed when she was about to steal the Golden Dolphin, realizing that she was not being anything more than what everyone saw her as.

Wolf and Foxington break into Marmalade's home to steal the meteorite, only to be captured by Marmalade and Snake. The rest of the gang rescues them and steals the meteorite and while foiling Marmalade's heist. Chasing them to get Snake back while kristy goes with the gang, Marmalade kicks Snake out of his helicopter to blackmail Wolf to give him kristy and the meteorite back. However, the gang rescues Snake and kristy as destroys Marmalade's mind-control device, before surrendering to the authorities to prevent Foxington from revealing her criminal past. kristy's powers is gone for a long time after Marmalade use the device to drain her powers.

Marmalade attempts to take credit for recovering the meteorite, but it is revealed to be a fake planted by Snake, who had faked his defection and secretly switched it for the manor's meteorite-shaped lamp while saving kristy, the first human who didn't see him as a monster and yet not scared of him, and rigged the real meteorite to explode, blowing up Marmalade's manor and exposing him as the thief. When the lamp falls on Marmalade, a diamond that he stole from Foxington falls out of his suit, which police chief Misty Luggins recognizes as having been stolen by the Crimson Paw years ago. With his true nature exposed, and implicated as the Crimson Paw, Marmalade is arrested. Wolf then reveals to Snake that he deliberately left behind the Push Pop, much to Snake's shock.

The gang is still sent to prison for their former crimes but released for good behavior after one year and join Foxington and Kristy to begin their new lives.

in the book and the bad guys au, kristy is with them to go on all sorts of adventures after her superpowers of meteorite has somehow returns. even the friendship of kristy and mr. snake has been growing. kristy tries to warn him about the dark overlord was going to make a deal with him but has no idea what she's talking about and thinking she is being herself by Thinking outside of box again.

even they join the league of heroes as kristy is not sure why did the Love crater meteorite chose her. but Dread Overlord Splaarghön is not happy that kristy is somehow still alive.

Dread Overlord Splaarghön wants to make a deal with snake by threatening snake to harm her and his friends if he doesn't join him. Eventually he doesn't have a choice but join him as his minion.

the rest of the Book series of the bad guys, there was craziness in the story. in the au, same thing.

Snake was manipulated by Dread Overlord Splaarghön to do such a point where he believed and agreed to such but would instead wind up becoming corrupted by the entity. Once joining the Underlords, Snake would regress far worse than he originally was, eventually becoming much crueller and more villainous in his current state.

kristy and snake has both had bad experience with birthdays when they are kids in the backstories.

kristy use to have birthday parties, but after her parents learned that she has autism, nobody shows up to her birthday parties anymore And her mother divorced him after she found out that he had been cheating on her.

She is still had hope because she won't let one bad birthday get her down as she looks at the stars in the night sky, wishing.

So kristy and Snake are on the same boat, but Kristy took a light path while mr. snake took a dark path as he is walking a path of crime.

when all hopes seem lost, kristy wasn't going to give up on everything and everyone that she ever cared about, even mr. snake. she wants to Free everyone from under Dread Overlord Splaarghön's influence.

she wants to save the multiverse and the ones she loves as she has now wears a multiverse armor dress. on her birthday, kristy is at war, the multiverse war after she has found her life's purpose.

as the war rages on, wolf battles snake as he tries to tell snake to fight the control of dark overlord.

kristy is having one on one battle Against dark overlord in the Nightmare Realm. kristy tries to fight him, but lord Splaarghön is too strong.

Kristy's superpowers get overpowered Because she remembers all the times that she spent time with her friends and family. even she has new friends like the bad guys. also have a great friendship with mr. snake. Mr. Snake is the reason that she was freed from her gilded birdcage for so long.

after the long battle of good vs evil with a musical number, kristy won the war, Freeing everyone from under dark overlord influence thanks to the power of love, friendship, family and kindness.

Kristy's powers is gone for good and returns home safe.

But kristy can returns to mr. snake's world because Shortfuse lets her and have a happy ending.

So, Snake's has friends, kristy has family.

you get it? friends and family.

[museguided]

"Hmph," Inuyasha huffed in lieu of a proper response to his gratitude. It wasn't like he could let the guy wander around his turf smelling like a corpse anyway. Besides throwing his ass in the nearest river, it was the least he could do—that invited the fewest complications. Crossing his arms into his sleeves, he looked the other way while the other changed.

Now that he thought about it, his luck was really extraordinary. Whoever cursed him was powerful enough to make a full youkai out of him, exchanging his memories for power. In the eyes of someone else, it could have been considered a blessing. Whether he appeared to be human, youkai, or even an animal, at least he could get away with appearing normal at first glance, fitting in with little suspicion. If his transformations were voluntary and not based on his reactions, the hanyou could almost admit that he was a bit envious.

If that deal had been extended to him, he would have taken it in a heartbeat.

Dog ears flicked at the sound of clinking metal and the slide of cloth, almost muffling the sound of careless footsteps disturbing the tall grass. He visibly perked up at the familiar voice that called his name, curious about her immediate reaction until the sound of a fox diving for cover in the brush connected the dots.

But there were more important things to focus on.

"Nice to see ya come back on time for once, Kagome," he drawled. He could tell through his senses that the fox hadn't left the general area yet. Nodding in his direction, he added, "I was about to come get you when I ran into this guy." Who he just realized hadn't provided a name yet. If he could even remember that much.

He hummed a disgruntled note. "He's some kind of fox youkai... hybrid." It was the best summary he could think of. Even if he seemed to be fully fledged youkai, his mannerisms were undoubtedly still human. "He claims he was a human soldier before he was cursed by something. Whatever it was, it stole a whole lot of his memories too."

Now that Kagome was here, maybe he could wait for her insight on the situation. While Inuyasha played it by ear, willing to hear him out for the lack of danger he posed, there were too many holes to completely offer his trust or wholly believe him. Despite the trouble she often found herself in, she had a good judge of character—as well as a kind, open heart on top of that. Not that he was willing to admit any of that aloud.

"Oi, fox kid!" he called out, having a sense that the other boy was still nearby. Surely he was done changing by now. "Come on out and meet Kagome."

Yuu could only nod when told to stay where he was. He could tell that there was a village ahead, the sounds of humans going about their day to day lives was easy to hear. Probably wouldn't be so easy had he still been human himself. But he wasn't and didn't remember his human life for whatever reason either. So as he waited, he sighed and sat down on the raised roots of a tree.

Well he had a clue at least, that was better than what he woke up with. That flash of memory.. He'd been called Yuu-chan. So his name was either Yuu or some version of it. Shortened name maybe? Either way, Yuu was more than he'd had even an hour ago. He'd take it. Now he just had to get these transformations under control. But how to do that..?

Like he'd said before, his more youkai features seemed reactionary more than anything right now.. At least when his heartrate went up was when they tended to show. Why was that? Because he'd been human before this? Because of how he woke up? Because he'd been a soldier? The last one seemed the more likely option. If he'd been a soldier and used to battle, some old involuntary reactions may have followed him over past death. He couldn't remember that part of his existence, but it stood to reason that it could be so ingrained his body reacted in some way.

Or it could be that this was entirely the fox youkai part of himself. Though that one didn't seem as likely since the hanyou seemed just as stunned as Yuu himself. This time he let out a growl as he pushed his hand through black, dirty bangs. His new companion was right, he had to get this under control, brain fog be damned.

There was a blink as he heard the hanyou returning and turned his head in that direction. He deftly caught the clothes tossed as him as well, again wondering if he could because he was a soldier or because he was a youkai. That didn't matter though, not really. At least now he could get out of this ruined uniform.

"Thank you, I appreciate the help anyway." Though he was a little surprised to be offered to go with him and another person. A friend of his? Another hanyou? He didn't have to offer that to him, especially when he seemed so annoyed with him. But he was appreciative of it anyway.

He wasn't shy about undressing, and found himself doing it with ease. His fingers just knew where to go to get out of the uniform and the armor. That was definitely the soldier part then.. Besides, he was in the forest, no one would see him practically naked aside from-

"Inuyasha~ I'm- Ah!"

The voice along with the gasp and a squeak had him transforming all over again into the small fox as he whipped around. There was a girl now standing there, strangely dressed, eyes wide and face completely red before she quickly put her hands to her eyes and turned around.

"I'm sorry!" she gasped and Yuu, hackles up quickly grabbed the new clothes into his mouth and darted into the thicker cover of trees. He could feel something about this girl, some kind of power that felt like sparks over him and it startled the youkai enough to revert to a smaller fox.

"No wait! Wait.. A...fox..?" he heard the girl say from where he left. "Inuyasha who was that?"

Yuu didn't go far, just far enough he'd be out of the girl's sight and calm himself down. So that was the hanyou's name? Inuyasha. That's how she referred to him and since they seemed to know one another, it put him a little more at ease. Enough to relax himself and form himself to calm down to get dressed at least. What was she though to make him run off like that as if in some instinctual self preservation.

[pretty-little-martyr]

hot take of the day which will probably get me lambasted now and in 10 years will be an opinion considered "correct" or whatever: calling everyone who's polyamorous ugly, or implying that wanting to be polyamorous makes people ugly, is actually really really shitty. and we should stop doing that. I will never understand the kinds of people who will reblog 20 posts about smashing beauty standards and then reblog other posts about how ugly polyamorous people look and Yes while I love their work I am absolutely side-eyeing Chris Fleming's video on polyamorous people where they literally compare polyam folks to donkeys lmao it's just something that always strikes me as mean, and cruel, and not useful at all.

are there polyam people who fetishize bi people (usually referred to as "unicorn hunters")? yeah absolutely and you should call them out for fetishization .... not call them ugly beasts ..... are there polyam people who are shitty with boundaries and try to pressure friends into being their thirds/fourths? yeah and you should call them out for coercion... not call them ugly beasts!

idk man it just strikes me as SO weird how commonplace it is to equate being polyamorous with being ugly. especially while in the same social justice spaces that recognize how bullshit and eurocentric beauty standards are. and dont give me that "we mean ugly on the INSIDE" bullshit because 1) No You Do Not lmao and 2) do tell me why it's ok to generalize this whole Concept of people under "ugliness on the inside." give me a good reason that isnt either some weird moralizing about how it's cheating (it's Not, by the way, those are two separate things, and cheating Is shitty yes) or something equivalent i.e. "it's unnatural". ESPECIALLY do not hit my transgay ass with how "unnatural" it is, you will not be heard ! thanks.

[linkspooky]

Black Wolf, White Wolf, Megumi and Yuji.

In my last post I mentioned how the white wolf and black wolf are symbolic for the connection between Gojo and Yuji. However, because the students are all parallels for the previous generation (Gojo, Geto and Shoko paralleling Yuji, Megumi and Nobara), the white wolf and black wolf also represents the relationship between Megumi and Yuji. Megumi and Yuji are a pair of opposites, who are complementary to one another. They present themselves as completely different people, but also have far more in common with, and a closer connection to each other than anybody else. 

1. There are Two Wolves Inside of You, One of Them is Gay. 

The white wolf is wholly white except for three black dots on its head, the black wholf wholly black with the exception of three white dots. Each of these supposed opposites black and white have a little bit of each other’s coloring. This is a clear reference to the coloring of the Taijitu symbol.

The yin yang (i.e. taijitu symbol) shows a balance between two opposites with a portion of the opposite element in each section.

Yuji and Megumi are designed as characters to represent this same dualism as a couple. Yuji being associated with the white Yang, and Megumi the black yin.

n Ancient Chinese philosophy, yin and yang (/jɪn/ and /jɑːŋ, jæŋ/; Chinese: 陰陽 yīnyáng, lit. "dark-bright", "negative-positive") is a concept of dualism, describing how seemingly opposite or contrary forces may actually be complementary, interconnected, and interdependent in the natural world, and how they may give rise to each other as they interrelate to one another. Yin is the black side, and yang is the white side

The white wolf has a tendency to be associated with Yuji, and the black wolf associated with Megumi. This goes as early back as their first mission together. Immediately after panel where they first disagree with one another on how to save people, and end up confronting each other, the white wolf shikigami is killed permanently. 

In the same mission, Yuji dies. Afterwards, as a consequence for his death the white wolf can never be summoned as a shikigami again, but the black wolf begins to take on a few of the white wolf’s features.

Megumi and Yuji are opposites. Megumi is cold and dispassionate, and entirely selective with his sympathies. Yuji is warm, friendly, and willing to sympathize with almost anybody. They’re also like eac other. Not only that, but they become progressively like each other as the plot goes on. 

The relationship between yin and yang is often described in terms of sunlight playing over a mountain and a valley. Yin (literally the 'shady place' or 'north slope') is the dark area occluded by the mountain's bulk, while yang (literally the "sunny place' or "south slope") is the brightly lit portion. As the sun moves across the sky, yin and yang gradually trade places with each other, revealing what was obscured and obscuring what was revealed.

In other words, just like how the divine black dog now has a piece of the white dog. Megumi and Yuji present themselves to the world as opposites externally, but internally they have a piece of themselves inside each other. Despite being so different they both look at each other and think yeah, that’s the right way people should live instead. 

Megumi and Yuji are inspired by the differences they have with each other. Megumi wants to become a more emotional person to Yuji, true to his feelings and his desire to save others. Yuji wants to learn to think things through like Megumi does. 

There’s also several other ways the two of them compliment each other as a pair. 

Yin is characterized as slow, soft, yielding, diffuse, cold, wet, and passive; and is associated with water, earth, the moon, femininity, and night time.

Yin is associated with femininity. Megumi’s name is specifically a gender neutral name. Megumi himself uses shadow as his Curse Technique. Remember Yang is the sun over the valley, and Yin is the shadows created by that sun. Megumi literally uses those shadows as a form of attack. 

Megumi is also constantly characterized as passive in comparison to Yuji. It is Megumi who lives quietly with his head down, it is Megumi who passively accepts things, Megumi reacts while Yuji acts. Yuji is always running off to save people, and Megumi is the one trying to stop him from hurting himself. Even Gojo points out this passivity as a flaw on Megumi’s part. He spends so much time thinking of others, while Yuji isn’t even thinking of him, he’s swinging for a home run. 

Yang, by contrast, is fast, hard, solid, focused, hot, dry, and active; and is associated with fire, sky, the sun, masculinity and daytime.

Yuji on the other hand is associated with masculinity. Megumi uses the ten shadows, Yuji just punches things. The hypermasculine Todo finds Megumi boring, but warms up to Yuji right away as a brother. Yuji’s even famous for his strength. (There’s also some Tiger and Dragon symbolism going on here, Yuji is known as the Tiger of West Junior High. Geto, who is also his opposite foil is capable of summoning a dragon). 

Yuji is the active character always running off to save someone. He’s the one most determined to get involved while Megumi usually holds back. Once again returning to Gojo, Gojo and Yuji are both similiar because they think the same way about things, they’re always trying to stand out, be the star, because they’re both active. It’s usually Yuji who runs ahead and leaves Megumi behind. 

However, part of the yin / yang dulaity is that as complementary pairs they can also reverse. Strong can become weak. We’re even litereally shown this in the one fight Megumi and Yuji cooperate on during the shibuya arc, they fight someone whose literal curse technique is reversing polarizaiton, making strong attacks weak. 

Strong becomes weak, and weak becomes strong. The yin and yang glady trade places with one another. As a result of the Shibuya arc, we have seen Megumi acting more like Yuji, and Yuji acting more like Megumi. 

In their very first arc, it was Yuji who was active. He let Sukuna rampage in order to save the others, leaving Megumi behind to deal with the fallout. 

In the Shibuya arc this event is paralleled in an opposite way. Yuji becomes more passive, and less self centered. He starts to act more like Megumi. His individual life is less important, than contributing to the whole. In other words, it’s Yuji this time who decides to make the sacrifice bunt. 

While at the same time we see Megumi is pushed to his absolute limit and starts swinging for the stands. It’s Megumi’s choice to summon Mahoraga and let him effectively rampage, at the cost of himself. The kind of wild, self-sacrifice that only Yuji would make. This. 

Mirrors this. 

Not only that but the same way Megumi had to fight against Sukuna in order to try and contain him, this time Sukuna has to fight against Mahoraga in order to stop the exorcising ritual from killing Megumi. 

Megumi and Itadori are not only alike, they’re also becoming more like each other as the story progresses probably out of affection and genuine admiration of one another. Megumi inspires Yuji to become more passive and think things through. Yuji inspires Megumi to become more active towards saving others. Yuji’s thinking has even changed to become more like Megumi’s he calls himself a cog, using the same symbolism Megumi once did. 

They also reflect each others flaws. When they’re alone and apart from each other, both of them becomes way too willing to sacrifice themselves. While at the same time, they both believe the other sacrificing themself is unacceptable. For Yuji, Megumi dying is the worst result. For Megumi, Yuji dying is the worst result. 

Megumi and Yuji want to save each other, but individually they’re too prone to self destruction. However, with all the effort the manga puts into representing both of them as a pair, it leads me to believe that we’re eventually going to see a reconciliation between the two of them. Unlike Gojo and Geto who eventually ended up separating, and becoming incredibly unbalanced as individuals. I believe that Megumi and Yuji will have the opposite results, they’ll be able to find each other again, and find balance in each other. 

[wri0thesley]

Can you do headcannons for La Squadra with a tiny s/o who is extremely stubborn and refuses to accept their help for tasks and missions even when they need it

Risotto has no time for your pride. He will be blunt, though not rude, if he thinks you need help - and though you might rage against him, the fact is that he is both your boyfriend and your capo, and whilst you can discard the orders of one, you cannot discard the orders of the other. He stresses the importance, when all is said and done, of you both working as a team. He is not rude about it, or dismissive, or anything of the sort - he is honest, and he says things in few words but that get his point across totally. It’s still at odds with the stubborn independence raging in your heart, but you do your best to quiet the bubbling frustration and find that teamwork is, indeed, the best strategy. 

Formaggio thinks that you’re hilarious when you’re spitting fire, like a tiny angry little mouse. He’s laid back enough to put up his hands and say ‘okay, babe, do it yourself, then’. He’s not laid back enough to not follow you, though. He’s shrewd - he’s used to being misunderstood and underestimated, so he does not step in to help until the very last moment. And - surprisingly tactfully - even when he does step in, he stresses afterwards all the ways you helped set up the victory for the both of you. 

Illuso accept that you don’t want his help and steps back. He doesn’t leave it there for long, though - he’s constantly beside you even if you don’t realise he is. He’s sizing things up and weighing up options and trying to secretly and gently tip the scales in your favour - he’s just sneaky about it. You might find things easier than you expected, somehow - and yet you don’t manage to connect the dots.

Pesci’s a little taken aback by how vehemently you refuse his help. He stumbles and stutters about it and apologises, running away with his tail between his legs. He’s always been willing to accept help and glad people want to help him, personally - he doesn’t quite know how to deal with your need to do things on your own merit. He’s not wholly a coward, though - if he thinks you’re in trouble, he’ll dive in headfirst in an attempt to help. It’s not always successful.

Prosciutto is proud of you for trying to do things on your own - but he’s a little overprotective and overbearing, honestly. He’ll be near you, even if you’ve denied needing his help. He’s one of few who won’t lord it over you if he has to step in when you’re in danger - then again, he also does his best to make sure you get to solve the issues on your own. He’s more likely to stay by your side and offer you advice so you can do things on your own than he is to just out and out do it for you. 

Melone is likely to smirk at you and sit back to watch for a while. He thinks it’s adorable that you’re so insistent that you want to do things yourself; he’s already guilty of babying you a little and concentrating on how cute you are because of your small stature. He can’t help but admire your stubbornness; he thinks it’s an attractive quality to not want to back down! He’s excited for any children you two might . . . come across in the future to learn that resilience from you. He’s very pragmatic despite him enjoying watching you do things on your own, though, so he’ll absolutely have a backup plan if things go South. 

Ghiaccio is pissed. It takes him a lot to offer help to someone to begin with; if it’s rudely denied, he’s going to be churlish and grumpy about it. He’ll point out everything you do wrong - and do not expect him to soften, even if you’re in trouble. With a face like thunder, he’ll mumble to himself that any problems you encounter are your own fault for not accepting the help you clearly need.

Sorbet & Gelato will take you at face value, even if they know that you absolutely need the help. They’re the kind of men that, if their help is rejected the first time, will not help you again - they watch, hiding smirks behind their hands, offering ‘helpful’ advice. Eventually, if too much danger seems to be lurking, Sorbet will step in (whilst Gelato tugs on his arm and tells him not to because it will be much funnier if he doesn’t). Sorbet’s tone is harsh and low when he warns you not to reject them again; you’ll regret it, because he’s only stepping in this once. He doesn’t manage to stick to his word, of course, but the set of his mouth and the steel of his eyes should be enough to convince you to try and lighten up on your stubbornness. 

[bellatrixobsessed1]

Azula Week: Day 2 - When A Baby Cries

Prompt: Baby Pair: N/A Song: Within Temptation - The Last Dance (Music Box Version)

Summary: While looking for his sister, he comes across a baby that looks curiously like her. 

Crying echos around the jungle, he doesn’t exactly know where the wailing is coming from, but the baby doesn’t let up. Zuko frantically pushes vines and ivy aside. He hopes that the baby’s screams have nothing to do with his sister.

He has to track her down but he doesn't even know where to begin. The Forgetful Valley goes on and on for miles. Now he has to set that task aside to find the baby. It doesn’t sound like it is in pain but the distress is plain in its shrill cries.

At last he thinks that he has gauged the direction from which the cries emerge. He hustles, running short on breath, to the east. He finds the babe in a nest of vines and seaweed. She is positioned under a ray of light that has managed to break through the canopy.

Her face is red from crying so forcefully as she kicks her teeny legs. Zuko stoops down and scoops her up. She is relatively dry for being surrounded in rainforest water and he thinks that she is lucky in that she hadn’t been found face down in a small puddle.

He cradles the poor thing in his arms and rocks her back and forth. It is awkward at first, he has very little experience with children.  

“It’s alright.” He tries softly. “You’re safe now.” He continues his rocking. “How did you get all the way out here?”

At last her cries begin to slow. She blinks and looks up at him with vivid gold eyes before reaching out to grasp at his hair. She lets out a string of happy baby babble when she finally managed to catch a few strands. “I think that Katara’s going to like you.” He laughs.

.oOo.

She is a fussy thing. Noisey too.

When she doesn’t get food when she wants it she begins to bawl. When she isn’t clean she howls louder still. Thirst brings the tears and so do temperature drops. Zuko has come to find that the baby likes to be swaddled in heaps of blankets.

He wraps her up in them and picks up a bowl of fruit that Aang has taken the care to mash up for her. He spoons it into her mouth as he does every night before he passes her onto Katara for bedtime stories and lullabies. He finds that he isn’t creative enough for the stories and his singing usually makes the baby cry. She also isn’t fond of Toph’s singing.

Zuko gives her the last spoonful and rubs small circles on her chubby little cheeks. She gives a little yawn and reaches out to grasp at nothing in particular. He gives a half smile, recalling the night before. It had been Sokka’s turn to hold her and a cloud of glowflies pass by. The baby had tried to snatch all of them at once, successfully managing to capture none until one landed on her nose.

The baby had giggled gleefully. And she is doing it again while Zuko tickles her tummy. She might be fussy, but she is also happy.

He just wishes that he could find her parents.

.oOo.

“I may not have found her, but at least I found you. Right?” He finds himself mumbling to the infant. She looks up at him with those big bright eyes. At least she had made the misadventure at least a little worthwhile.

He finds himself wandering around the camp, pacing anxiously. He is beginning to think that is time to call off his search. If Azula doesn’t want to be found, then she won’t be. He doesn’t want to leave the baby out here for much longer. It has been a task to keep the mosquito-flies from harassing her. And the spider-wasps are even nastier.

It has been several weeks now and the rest of his party is growing weary and impatient. It leaves a bad taste in his mouth but he decides that if the week doesn’t close with a sign of his sister showing up, then he will abandon his question.

Zuko hugs the little bundle to his chest and carefully strokes her head. She is asleep almost immediately. He makes his way into his tent and tucks her into her makeshift bed. It is a rudimentary nest of blankets and pillows but it serves its purpose, she typically sleeps through the night. Only waking if she is startled by a jungle sound; an odd howl or a shrill squawk.

Tonight is such a night. He wakes to the sound of her crying out and kicking her feet as a roll of thunder comes to pass.

He scoops her into his arms again and lets her nuzzle her squishable cheeks against him. “You don’t have to be afraid anymore.” He mumbles.”I’ll keep you safe. And so will Aang and Katara and Sokka. You should see Toph when she gets going…” he rolls his eyes and chuckles at the thought. “Anyways, it’s just a storm, see Toph already has a stone roof to protect us.” He motions the the structure encasing their tent. There is a single wall missing so that they can leave if they desire. Not that he has any thoughts of going out in rainfall that heavy and battering.

“Go back to sleep now.” He mumbles and gives her a light rock.

He finds himself wondering if she has seen any storms before this and who had cared for her if she had.

.oOo.

Azula’s head is hazy when she wakes. Everything in her mind, everything before her waking is foggy like a dream. Yet she knows it has all been real and it brings color to her cheeks. To have been wholly and one hundred percent vulnerable. Completely and truly helpless…

Zuko hasn’t yet woken and she has half the mind to leave before he does. Even if she wanted to flee, she couldn’t. The earthbender had put the exit on the wrong side. The door to their tent faces one of the three walls of earth. And the door to their earth shelter faces one of the tent’s walls.

She supposes that she can burn a hole through that part of the tent’s wall but there is no sense in it. Besides, the little blanket nest he has made for her is admittedly cozzy. She nestles her face against one of the pillows.

He hadn’t known that he’d been caring for her for all of this time, but she very clearly remembers him muttering to her about how he was worried about her. About how he wanted to patch things up and start over now that their father isn’t around to poison them against one another.

Azula sits up and stretches her arms. She supposes that it should feel strange to be herself again, but it really isn’t. Such is the mercy of that dreamlike sensation. Confined to the tent and with nothing else to do while she waits for Zuko to stir, she fidgets with her hair, raveling her bangs around her pointer and then unraveling them.

At last Zuko awakens. “Hello, Zuzu.” She greets.

He is fully alert faster than she has ever seen anyone upon waking.

“A-azula?” He sputters. “When did you get here.”

“I’ve been here this whole time.” She confesses.

The dots seem to connect as he notes the absence of a screeching baby. Agni, that must have been aggravating to deal with. And as embarrassing as it is, she is glad that she has had the opportunity to thoroughly annoy him and break his sleeping patterns.

“I should have known.” He grumbles, rubbing the back of his head. “What kind of baby just shows up in a jungle? You had the same eyes…” he rambles. She can’t tell if he is pleased or not.

A mischievous grin lights his face, “you cry a lot.”

“Kiss my ass, Zuko.” She scowls, crossing her arms.

“I could have just left you there, you know?”

“You and I both know that you wouldn’t have had it in you, even if you knew.”

He sighs, “yeah, you’re right.”

“I know.” She replies.

“How...how did that even happen anyways?”

Azula shrugs. “Turns out, if you set enough things on fire, the jungle spirits get very angry.” She drops herself back onto the pillows with her arms tucked behind her head. Her hair fans out around her. “Or if you set the right things on fire. I’m not sure if it was a matter of quantity or quality.”

He almost laughs but he seems to stop himself at the last moment. “So are you going to run off again or…?”

“That depends, are you going to lock me up again?”

“I won’t if you don’t give me a reason to.” He replies. “If you work with me…” he trails off again.

She ponders his offer. Knowingly or not, he has taken good care of her. She is warm, well fed, clean, and comfortable. She had been...she had been loved. The feeling is foreign to her with the spirit curse lifted. But it is still there on the fringes of her memory.

“I’ll make you a deal, Zuzu.”

“The last one turned out so well…” he grumbles.

“It certainly did.” She smiles faux innocently. “If you can keep the whole baby thing a secret, I’ll come home and try to…” she considers her choice of words. “Make amends.”

“Fine, but I can’t promise that the others won’t talk.”

Azula groans at the notion of facing them again. Toph in particular is going to be a nightmare.

“Redemption is pretty fun, huh?” Zuko asks snidely.

“A real joy.” She mutters sarcastically with something of a pout. She supposes that, should things work out, it might be worth her while.

“Don’t be a baby about it.” Zuko smirks.

“I will light this tent on fire with both of us in it.” She threatens.

“You recover quickly.” He notes.

“That’s right.” She replies. But it isn’t entirely true, her mind is still unsettled and there are still many holes in her morals.She decides that if she can recover from one thing she can recover from another.

Azula is no fool, she knows a sign when she receives one.  She had been a baby; small and helpless, and needy. A baby. A baby and then--she looks at her hands--herself again. A physical rebirth to go with a spiritual one.

[thetimetravellershigh]

an informal goodbye to my sunflower eyes

I miss you.

Not in the bleeding heart, hole-in-the-chest type of way that I expected. It’s just hard to catch my breath in rapid-fire moments when I want to reach for you and you’re not there. Of course, I’ve wondered if there’s quite possibly something defective about me that I haven’t quite fixed after years of self-discovery. Something in me that just shuts off in the face of emotional trauma because I can’t bear it. This hasn’t been any easy lifetime so maybe I’ve met my quota of relentless reactions to bad, unfortunate luck.

Loving and losing you just came at a rotten time when the world is already so goddamn confusing. I don’t even know how to do taxes properly, but here I am, mourning the loss of a lover in my early twenties. It seems like some cosmic joke that I haven’t unraveled yet enough to laugh at...although, if I’m being frank, I did laugh when the news broke because, of course, it’s funny in a tragic way that no one around me understands.

The only man I’ve ever loved—ever wanted to love—is dead. You’re dead.

I’m a writer, but I don’t know how I’m supposed to react to this tragic ending. It reads like a modern-day rendition of a Shakespearian manuscript and I can’t help but marvel at how well-executed (excuse the pun) it was considering how atypical I used to be in the face of love. I don’t know how to accurately miss you, I guess.

Maybe I’ll feel your absence later in my thirties, or perhaps in the next lifetime if it was real enough.

I used to think that meeting you was beyond happenstance. Fate had to play a part in our introduction, didn’t it? But with age, I’m starting to think it was completely by coincidence that you captured my attention so randomly despite my better judgment. Truthfully, I don’t know if I want to believe in a world where people are dangled in front of each other as lessons.

What lesson was I supposed to grasp by falling in love with you? Yes, I’m aware that our answers differ for this part of my existential crisis. You’ve always been cruelly cold when it comes to romantic gestures, and as I’ve established over the last four years, I’m wholly sentimental. I think I learned a great deal loving you.

Forgiveness was one, although I’m not sure if I have the strength to do that right now. You did leave me here all alone. Despite our rollercoaster romance, it’s the first time you’ve ever left me. I don’t like it. Not one bit. I’m not ready to come to terms with what you did.

You once taught me how to dance, at least in a passable manner, in my small, empty apartment. I’ll remember that fondly for the rest of my life although I was so embarrassed that my cheeks were red as I stumbled over your complex instructions. I’d never slow danced with a lover before. In the same breath that I write this, I’m not sure that I want to dance with another. It seems like a cheap concept. A knock-off.

You sort of taught me patience. I’m stubborn, so I don’t think that lesson will ever land. Still, you made an effort. I spent most of our small lifetime together waiting on you; waiting for you to love me, waiting for you to understand me, waiting for you to come home to me. And now I’ll wait over ten times the amount of time we were together to see your face again and ask if any of it was real, or if I’m wasting my limited energy on hopeless love letters again.

Oddly enough, even after you broke me so many times, you taught me how to stand on my own two feet. I don’t know if it’s because I wanted to impress you with my persistent resilience, or because you fostered my growth. I have trouble understanding the concept but it’s tangible enough to mention. When I met you, I was a naive girl searching for something worth writing about. A great love. Now, just days after losing you, I’m a woman with a future ahead of me (at least that’s what they say) and a story I can’t quite tell yet. Our story. Your story.

There were other lessons. Harder ones that I can’t talk about. Softer ones that I want to keep just between you and me for now.

But, what lesson was I supposed to grasp by losing you? I don’t know how to sit here and believe God put you in my life to rip you away so suddenly because I needed to understand some secret message. If I did believe it, you would laugh at me. Religion really wasn’t your thing. You lived a life full of dots, moments, without a desire to find the line that connects them. In some pipe dream, I wanted to be your line.

I guess things don’t work out the way you hope. Maybe that’s the lesson.

I know I need to bury you. Say my respects and go through the whole closure dance. All the articles I’ve been mind-numbingly reading say it’s one of the fundamental steps.

The first night I saw you after we agreed to become a thing, I snagged your beer bottle top from the kitchen counter like a little fool. I held onto it all this time in the bottom of a box of momentos. Even when my friends begged me to, in the worst of us, I couldn’t part with it because it had some meaning although it was just trash. You would have thrown it away. Again, I’m sentimental.

I thought about driving to the beach, lying to the gatekeepers and burying it right in the sand in front of those beach condos. A small funeral, just me and you like old times. I was happiest there with you. I was also saddest, but I don’t like to think about that so much.

More than anything, I want to ask you if that’s okay. Can I say goodbye to you in that way?

The circumstances of our love didn’t permit me to attend a formal goodbye. Even if it did, I don’t think I would have gone. It’s not really what I believe in and I don’t like the spectacle it creates. It seems ingenuine, which is unusually cynical for me. It’s fake, though. You faked everything so often just to feel happy that it seems like a slap in the face that you have to endure the lies of others even in death.

You weren’t a good man per the textbook definition. You lied and cheated and broke people’s hearts because you weren’t sure how to use your own. But you were good enough for me when you weren’t being tormented by your worst demons. I can’t comprehend the things other people say about you because they didn’t really know you, did they? Then again, I could be the one that’s wrong.

I’m stroking my ego when I say you’ll live on beyond this terrible moment. It’s true. There should be an asterisk on your tombstone by your death date. You’re immortal in the pages of my unsuccessful books. I scribbled everything there. Every raw emotion. The happiness, the pain, the desire, the need, the despair. All those words were always about you, my poor dead muse, even when I didn’t want them to be.

Maybe people will crack open the pages and learn the depths of my love and the fragments of my loss generation after generation. I don’t think I can live in a world where you’ve been forgotten.

We can hope for a positive outcome, can’t we?

I think this is where I have to end, although I know it’s not the last time I write about you. I’ll make sure it’s just as crude and unpolished moving forward. I know you like that kind of shit. It’ll keep me humble.

Goodbye, my sunflower eyes.

May we meet again.

[college-au-masterblog]

Title: Match my Breath

Chapter 4: A Spark

Rating: Explicit

Summary: Kokichi and Shuichi keep their mouths moving but fail to talk, again.

Content warning: Explicit sex, implied sex as self-harm. Under the cut, there is self-harm, panic attacks, self-hate, and internalized victim-blaming.

Additional tags: College/Grad school AU, Trans characters, miscommunication, nipple play, oral fixation, kink discovery, body worship, breath play

Notes:

Finally finished the latest chapter to this fic!!

The chapter is pasted under the cut, but if you read I would love if you commented on Ao3! I’m still p new to fic writing and would love feedback.

Thank you to @dietshuichi my love, pall, and collaborator. I put the breathplay in 4 u.

[[MORE]]

Kokichi pushed Shuichi lips first, hands quickly pressing onto his cheek, pushing up underneath his shirt. Shuichi had to hold his arms out to avoid tripping over his own feet. Kokichi's kisses were rapid yet purposeful, starting shots for a race with a visible finish line; Kokichi barreled forward.

Shuichi's lower lip had just been sucked into Kokichi's violent mouth when Shuichi pulled back, teeth scraping against him in the process. They didn't speak, but it was far from silent. Kokichi watched straight-faced and wide-eyed as Shuichi pulled down his shirt and attempted to catch his breath.

Well, this is going to be even quicker than I thought, Kokichi mused as he braced himself for the familiar rejection he sought.

But Shuichi didn't shout or scoff or laugh. Kokichi thought Shuichi might retaliate, and winced as he maintained eye contact and raised his open palm. But his hand moved past Kokichi's head and onto the door, pushing it closed.

The door. Which had been open.

Oh.

Shuichi smiled too gently and spoke, "Ah-a, hi."

CLICK

Kokichi heard the lock behind him close, then the deadbolt, and the other deadbolt.

Shuichi had a thing for security.

Once the door had been properly closed, Shuichi wrapped his arms around Kokichi's waist. He bent at the knee to get to an appropriate angle and spun so that his back was now to the door, practically lifting Kokichi in the process. Kokichi hated himself for letting his weight fall onto Shuichi's welcoming arms.

Shuichi's smile refused to falter as he continued,

"Now, what the fuck are you wearing?

Oh.

Right.

Kokichi had forgotten about his ingenious solution for February ho-ery and had just dommed up his crush in a hot pink, floor-length, fluffy, marshmallow coat.

The walking sleeping bag.

Kokichi continued unphased. "Only my sleekest seduction wear. What? You're too good for "Baby's First Snow" couture? Slaying in Sleigh-bells? Marsh-my-Mello and puff me up Zaddy.

Shuichi broke into laughter, and Kokichi took the pause in active conversation as an opportunity to reflect. Anything to drown out that laugh.

Admittedly, Kokichi had been focused on other things. In fact, despite the physical nature of his actions, he had intentionally separated himself from his body. The point of this wasn't to feel. It was to stop the feeling.

But why did Shuichi have to look at him like that?

His detective was clearly amused.

But more importantly, he wasn't his.

Kokichi looked up at Shuichi with mischievous eyes and then turned his gaze downwards towards his own body, inviting Shuichi to do the same. Kokichi pulled on the zipper and revealed what he was wearing underneath, certain that Shuichi would be more enthralled by what he wasn't wearing.

When Kokichi glanced up again, he was pleased to see that this time, Shuichi's eyes hadn't followed along. Instead, they were lingering somewhere closer to Kokichi's thighs. Kokichi lowered his voice, "I wanted to surprise you," he stepped out of the coat completely, kicking it behind him with his stride. "Well," He was only inches away from Shuichi now, "Are you surprised?"

The laughter was gone, replaced by heavy breaths and unfocused, hungry eyes.

Before Shuichi could respond, Kokichi gripped the front of his shirt with both hands and slammed into him once again. He pulled Shuichi around pushed them both backward, not stopping until the backs of Shuichi's knees hit the edge of his couch.

With a final shove, Shuichi fell backward onto the plush cushions, eyes wide and arms raised above his head. Kokichi kicked off his shoes, climbed on top of him, and mashed their lips together. Kokichi was relieved to feel that Shuichi was already at least partially erect. This shouldn't take too long, Kokichi assured himself as he aggressively massaged the growing bulge to further expedite the process.

Kokichi tried his best to ignore the hands wandering his own body, save for ducking out of the way when they neared any spot that might be too vulnerable, too sensitive, too difficult to ignore.

Kokichi simultaneously slipped his tongue into Shuichi's welcoming mouth and fumbled with the other man's pants, eventually releasing the button and undoing the zipper. Kokichi pulled Shuichi's pants down just enough to expose his cock. Shuichi gasped at the sudden shock of cool air, only to fall back into a moan as Kokichi stroked his erection.

As soon as his dick felt suitably hard, Kokichi lifted his torso up, pushed his sturdy black underwear to the side, and moved to ride Shuichi, when he was stopped by a trembling hand. Shuichi had lifted just enough to push Kokichi's hips aside. His expression was decidedly concerned as he furrowed his brows at Kokichi.

Kokichi paused at the sudden interference before continuing knowingly "Sweet~chi, I've been tested, and this slut is a hundo-P STI free! Now if it's other concerns that have got your briefs climbing up your ass," Kokichi rubbed the space between his stomach and crotch. "With the hormonal situation I've got going on, plus my Lil' Copper Buddy- Let's just say that if you manage to get anything cookin' in this oven, we've got a lot more biblical armageddon-y problems than any clinic could deal with. Anndd on the topic of second comings~.

Shuichi's groaned, his body spasming and mouth opening wide as he felt the tip of his dick enter Kokichi.

But when he opened his eyes, he saw an image that immediately stripped the situation of any pleasure.

Kokichi's face was contorted in pain. He was wincing, steadying himself on the couch with a trembling hand as he tried to force his wholly unprepared body down onto Shuichi.

Shuichi felt his eyes water as he adjusted his hips to separate from Kokichi. Shuichi attempted to reach towards his face, but the moment Kokichi felt him pull out, the grimace was replaced by a charming smirk. Kokichi's face looked at ease.

But his hand was still trembling.

"What's the matter Sweeeechiiii? Hoping to fuck my mouth instead? Nishishi~ One fuck, and you're already bored of that hole? Well, luckily~ I have others."

Before Kokichi could dip his head, Shuichi cupped Kokichi's chin and lifted him up.

Shuichi's experience with sex was undeniably limited, and it was difficult for him to ascertain what was "normal" second hook-up behavior. However, he knew Kokichi well enough to know that this wasn't his normal. Something was up, so Shuichi wasn't.

Adjusting himself back into his briefs and lifting his body back into a sitting position, Shuichi stammered. "U-Um, a-actually," Shuichi knew better than to trust in Kokichi's cool expression. He focused instead on Kokichi's hand as he dug his nails into the side of Shuichi's couch.

Shuichi gave Kokichi what he hoped was a reassuring smile. "I just think this might be fun somewhere more comfortable, you know? I'm, ah, kind of falling off here."

He wasn't lying. His couch was not a stranger to sexual encounters, but like 99% of Shuichi's history, it was limited to solo trips and sized appropriately. Good for a quick release if he got home from work a bit too stressed, or annoyed, or distracted by a daydream he had on the ride home, and just couldn't make it to the bed. Not intended for real-life dalliances with real-life cuties, whose blessed weight pressed against him, and also pressed his back into the less-pleasant hardness of the couch's base. His lanky legs were awkwardly dangling, unable to fit onto the limited cushion space.

Kokichi took in the unbalanced positioning and stated factually, "Hm, I see your point. And I'd much rather see your other point. Welp, Let me just move my cutie Lil' booty over to the floor and you can just-" But he was cut off by Shuichi moving off the couch first.

"I have a different idea- if you don't mind."

Before Kokichi could question him again, Shuichi scooped the smaller boy into his arms and held him up.

"I want to take you to my bed."

Kokichi hadn't prepared for this. Bridal-style carrying was not on the agenda, did not align with their roles, but here Shuichi was, going off-script.

Shuichi's room wasn't very far away, a fact for which Shuichi's un-trained arms were grateful. He really didn't want to be thinking about Kaito right now, but he felt his disappointed presence, chastising him for every weight un-lifted. As he moved through the "hallway," which was really more an extension of the living room/kitchen, his mind flashed images of Kokichi's strained face. Notably, Kokichi, who was always so careful with his expressions, deliberate in his disarming, hadn't tried to conceal the hurt, not until Shuichi pulled away. Shuichi wanted to doubt his own deduction as he connected cruel dots.

He didn't think he had to.

Kokichi didn't think his visible discomfort would dissuade him. Shuichi felt ill. Did people usually fuck him without any consideration for his pain, let alone his pleasure? How many times had it been like this? How many people saw tears in his eyes and kept going?

He held Kokichi tighter as they neared the door. He turned around, used his hip to turn the knob, and walked backward into the space, careful not to bang Kokichi's head. He laid Kokichi onto his bed, allowing his head to rest onto a pillow. Shuichi paused before joining him and traced his fingers back and forth along Kokichi's thighs.

Shuichi took a breath and asked, "Can I undress you?"

He looked to Kokichi for a response and was happy to see a serene expression. Kokichi's mouth was agape, and his eyes were glazed over, pointed in the general direction of Shuichi's lingering hands. The light tickle-scratch touch had soothed him. Then, as if waking from a dream, Kokichi swallowed and blinked up, mouth tightening as he sneered,

"Ugh, FINE. I guess if Shuichi needs a bit more ~visual stimuli~, I can accommodate,"

Kokichi kept riffing as Shuichi pulled off his own shirt and positioned himself above Kokichi on the bed. "Now are we doing this or should I get my outerwear back on, cause I'll have you know that the full marshmallowzation process can take up to ten union minutes and-"

Shuichi kissed Kokichi before he could continue.

Shuichi kissed him laggardly, in defiance of Kokichi's tempo. He found that he had no choice but to submit to the decadent, horrible, sensation.

Kokichi felt the hands he had been dodging traverse his body. One hand cradled his neck, fingers reaching to rest in his hair, and the other started at his thighs and traveled upwards, lingering below his waist and massaging the muscles around his hip bone. Kokichi's moans couldn't drown out the alarms ringing in his head. DANGER.

Too much. Too good.

Not real.

Kokichi might have attempted another snide remark had Shuichi not dragged the hand that was on his neck down to the frayed edge of his cropped shirt. Shuichi pressed his palms flat onto Kokichi's stomach and pushed underneath his top, pushing the fabric up and revealing Kokichi's chest. Shuichi's hands ran over Kokichi's hardening nipples, and the contact incited an involuntary cry. Kokichi spasmed with pleasure, jumping into the touch then falling back, breath heavy, feeling conflicted about Shuichi discovering the extent of his sensitivity.

With the pads of his fingers, Shuichi lightly tapped Kokichi's nipples, testing a hypothesis. Once again, Kokichi whimpered, this time, his eyes squeezing shut as he tried to fight against the needlessly overwhelming sensation. Shuichi felt he had likely confirmed his theory, but extra assurance couldn't hurt. He let his fingers rest on Kokichi, rubbing gently in small circles as he spoke. "You're really sensitive here, aren't you?"

Kokichi thought it was a shitty question.

But he didn't say that, couldn't say much of anything when his whole body seemed focused on the minute movements of Shuichi's hands.

Kokichi hated this, or at least, he hated not hating it. He hated himself. He knew this couldn't go anywhere good, and yet he didn't move, didn't want to. He desperately wanted to live in this world, this space where Shuichi cared for him and kissed him softly and didn't let him hurt. He wanted it even if it wouldn't last. He was disgusted with himself for indulging in his sick fantasy.

He hated liars.

But if he was going to hurt anyway,

Kokichi wrapped his arms around Shuichi and pulled him down, fully intending on bringing him into a deep kiss. Their lips met, but Kokichi only had a moment to savor the feeling of Shuichi's tongue entering his mouth before he was forced back with an embarrassing squeal. Shuichi had pinched his chest, hard.

Kokichi absolutely expected Shuichi to be laughing and was surprised to see that Shuichi was just as wrecked as he was. He was just barely avoiding drooling out of his panting mouth. They kept their faces close as Shuchi continued toying with Kokichi's reddened chest, loving the way his fingers could make the other boy cry out into his mouth. Enthused by the desperation in Kokichi's eyes, Shuichi lifted Kokichi's shirt off of him and tossed it to the side. Kokichi compulsively pouted when Shuichi first took those incredible fingers away, but he moaned in delighted relief as Shuichi raked his fingernails down his body, down his arms, over his chest, stopping at the tops of his thigh highs.

Shuichi looked up at Kokichi and stated, "I didn't finish undressing you." Shuichi locked eyes with Kokichi, waiting for the go-ahead. As soon as Kokichi gave him a gentle nod, Shuichi lowered to Kokichi's thighs. Kokichi gasped as he felt teeth scrape against his inner thighs, followed by wet kisses trailing down his newly exposed legs. Shuichi lowered the stockings inch by inch, taking care to cover each revealed bit of flesh with open-mouthed kisses. Kokichi trembled and tried desperately to tune out the lingering warning bells.

He fell into Shuichi, enveloped in his warmth. He knew the spark would come and if he was sinking into tar, he didn't care because, at that moment, it was more than worth the cost of getting burned.

Once Shuichi reached the ends of Kokichi's legs, he quickly pulled off the stockings and kissed the tips of his feet. He was almost entirely naked now. Almost.

Kokichi looked at Shuichi and saw intense determination. He moved purposefully yet tenderly up Kokichi's body, this time, giving him only teasing pecks along the way. Kokichi, selfishly, stupidly, craved more. His legs parted unconsciously, his body revealing the desire his mind wanted to hide.

Kokichi held his breath as Shuichi reached the edge of his underwear.

Kokichi's mind raced. Shuichi could run away, Shuichi could leave, he didn't want to be with him, why would he do something so intimate with a guy who was just an easy fuck.

Shuichi positioned his face in front of Kokichi's clothed cock. His mouth hung open, and Kokichi could swear he felt Shuichi's hot breath against him. They both laid still, waiting, when Shuichi finally spoke out,

"Kokichi. Do you want this?"

Against his better judgment, against himself, against any hope of self-preservation and leaving this situation unscarred, Kokichi whispered,

"Yes."

Shuichi's mouth on him felt more than incredible.

He kissed him firmly over his underwear, flattening his tongue and licking a luxurious stripe up from his entrance to the tip of his cock. Once there, he pressed his lips down to wrap over the sensitive head and suckled gingerly at the obscene wetness.

Shuichi couldn't help but notice how soaked Kokichi's underwear had become, even before Shuichi had his mouth on it. The teasing and kissing had Kokichi pliant and dripping pre, in stark contrast to his earlier state.

Shuichi liked the taste of Kokichi's come, and although having his mouth stuffed with Kokichi's used panties satisfied him in a way he wasn't quite ready to confront, he wanted nothing more than to feel Kokichi's bare cock against his lips.

He gripped onto the elastic and pulled down, careful not to tear the fabric. Kokichi graciously lifted his hips in support, and with that, he was entirely nude. This action reminded Shuichi of the fact that he had somehow momentarily forgotten; Shuichi had hands. Two of them even! And the fact that those hands were not being put to better use was absolutely criminal.

As Shuichi went to lower his head once again, he lifted his hands, relishing in Kokichi's delirious moan when his fingers reached their destination.

All at once, Shuichi pulled at Kokichi's hardened nipples and fervently sucked over his dripping cock.

Kokichi screamed.

Despite his lack of experience, Shuichi felt utterly comfortable and confident licking Kokichi's twitching cock. In fact, he found himself moaning into each kiss, letting his tongue explore, and suckling the soft folds to see what would make Kokichi scream the loudest. Shuichi was swept in complete supplication and all too eager to offer his tongue in worship.

Startled by his own arousal, Shuichi- a detective- was suddenly able to put years of nail-biting, gum-chewing, and lip-worrying together. It only took over two decades and the noble sacrifice of hundreds of ruined pencils.

On the topic of ruined pencils, Shuichi found himself desperately rutting into the mattress. Every lick brought him closer to his own edge. He didn't know how much longer he would last, only that he needed Kokichi, to have Kokichi fill his mouth.

Uncomfortably hard, Shuichi longed for more friction but didn't want to take any attention away from Kokichi. Shuichi compromised by lowering one hand, making sure to offer Kokichi hard, slow laps, to compensate. Shuichi quickly adjusted his cock, bunching nearby fabric into a makeshift sleeve, anything to give him that bit of contact he needed. As soon as he felt there was just enough pressure, he rushed his hand back to Kokichi's chest.

Kokichi was enrapt by the varied sensations, delighting in the way his loud pleasure quieted his ever-racing mind. He lifted his open legs, wanting to give himself entirely to Shuichi, to his perfect little mouth.

As Shuichi rubbed into Kokich's gorgeously firm nipples, he realized with a groan that in the process of positioning his cock, he had coated his fingers in precome. The same fingers that were now making Kokichi buckle and shout. He thought about how Kokichi must look from above, his eyes squeezing tight, biting his lip, overwhelmed with pleasure, and his abused redded chest, streaked with Shuichi's come. Shuichi's legs began to quake, hips moving rapidly. He couldn't come yet, he couldn't not without Kokichi, he needed to taste his come, needed Kokichi to finish inside of him.

He focused all of his attention onto Kokichi, wrapping his lips around him and sucking deeply, pulling Kokichi's cock in with strokes of his tongue. Shuichi flipped the tip of his tongue in the perfect spot, and suddenly, Kokichi thrust his hips up and crossed his ankles in the air. Before Shuichi could react, Kokichi pushed his heels down onto the back of Shuichi's head, forcing him onto his cock and completely cutting off his air.

With that, Shuichi couldn't wait anymore. He came, whimpering into Kokichi. He felt himself make a mess out of his comforter, come sputtering out. He tried to keep his mouth moving but struggled to push through the spasms. As if in response to his misbehavior, Kokichi grabbed Shuichi by his hair, gripping tightly with both hands, and Not wanting to leave Kokichi hanging, he stuck out his tongue and allowed Kokichi to rut against him.

Kokichi felt heat building: need on need. He tightened his grip as he pushed Shuichi's head faster. He wanted so much, felt so much. He looked down and as he saw Shuichi, beautiful Shuichi, pressed into him, so focused on his body. Kokichi couldn't help but come.

He released his grip, and his legs shook upwards. He didn't realize his screams could get so loud, that orgasm could be this intense. He rode out the spasms as long as he could until the sensitivity started to hurt, and he pulled up his legs and rolled onto his side, panting.

- - -

Kokichi kept his eyes closed as he attempted to catch his breath. He lay still and felt himself sink into the mattress. His limp body felt relaxed, but the wetness pooled between his legs was getting a bit icky. Moreover, naked atop the blankets, he was starting to feel cold. He stretched his legs back down and was surprised that he didn't bump into any limbs along the way. He smiled and rolled onto his back, ready to commend Shuichi on his excellent dodging skills, when he froze.

Shuichi wasn't there.

Of course he wasn't.

Why would he be, they were finished.

There wasn't anything else he would want to do with him. Kokichi felt himself shiver and wrapped his own arms around his chest. Kokichi then realized with a start that Shuichi likely wasn't finished with him. His mind flashed to few times he had failed to get a guy off to their liking, not fast enough, not hard enough. Kokichi heard his breath before he felt it; he was breathing rapidly, and the shivers had turned into shakes. He felt a familiar stab of pain in his chest.

This was the exact opposite of what he came here for; he was so pathetic. Kokichi bit into his lip and pressed his nails into his skin. Did he think something had changed? That suddenly Shuichi would see him as anything more than an easy fuck? So pathetic, what? He wanted to be held? Cuddled? Tears welled in his eyes. A freak like him should feel grateful someone like Shuich could stand to touch him, and he couldn't even do that right. He couldn't breathe.

This was worse than burning; he was drowning.

He messed it all up he messed it all up, and now Shuichi was gone.

- - -

Shuchi swore he heard sobs as he approached the bedroom door, fresh sheets in hand. But as he turned the knob, the only thing he could see was Kokichi, bright-eyed and looking no different from when he first entered Shuichi's apartment. In fact, Kokichi seemed to vibrate with energy, jumping forward onto his knees as he exclaimed. "Guess you really live up to your title there, huh Succi? Nishsihi ~ sowwy about all that!" Kokichi kept his hips in the air as he slunk his upper body onto the mattress, resting his weight on his elbows. Shuichi twitched as Kokichi's arms stretched dangerously close to the disgusting mess he really did Not want Kokichi noticing. Kokichi deepened his voice and looked up at Kokichi through his long lashes, spreading his legs further apart. "Now what do you want me to do for you? You can fuck me however you wanna, you know?"

Oh god, Kokichi's hand was about to touch Shuichi's-no please, god no. Shuichi quickly interjected, "Oh! Um, well, I actually think I'm good. And, uh," Shuichi motioned away from the sheets, "I think you should get off the bed."

Kokichi lay still for a moment before leaping off the bed and facing Shuichi with an unnervingly wide grin. "Mmmhmm! Okay! Well, like I said earlier, I'm tooottally fine getting fucked on the floor. I can get on my knees right now-"

Shuichi cut him off, not wanting to linger on the fact that his desperate barely-not-a-virgin ass had finished without even needing Kokichi to touch his cock. "That's really, uh, not necessary." God, Shuichi could barely stand to make eye contact with Kokichi. Shuichi was so fucking gross, how could Kokichi even stand it?

Shuichi began changing his sheets and so caught up mentally enumerating all the reasons why he was disgusting, it took him a minute to realize that Kokichi was unusually quiet. Before Shuichi could comment, Kokichi spun away from him and broke the silence.

"Well I've actually got another guy waiting up for me, so if you've had enough of my services, I'd like to get to my next appointment." Kokichi bent over to pick up his discarded clothing, dressing in fast, tight, motions.

Shuichi tried to keep his body from dropping with his heart. He struggled to hear over the intense ringing before remembering his conversation with Kaito. Kokichi couldn't go like this.

"Kokichi, wait, are you okay?" Shuichi barely managed to get the words out, in stark contrast to Kokichi, who quickly fired his response,

"Never better! But I'll be bad if I'm late and I think I've already been punished enough for one night, so if you'll excuse me Saihara."

This wasn't right, this was not how he wanted things to go. Kokichi couldn't be leaving; they hadn't even talked. Shuichi called out, "Kokichi, wait- wait!" Shuichi reached out to Kokichi and brushed against the crescent indents on the sides of his arms. The contact seemed to spur Kokichi forward, who moved even faster out the door and out of the apartment, picking up his coat along the way but not bothering to put it on. He slammed the door behind him and walked into the hallway, half-naked and alone.

[gimmetheheadcanons]

Breathe - Day 1 Gothic Klonnie -

A/N: Hey decided to take part of the #gothic klonnie 2k18 this week with this little story. May do the others prompts but not sure how many since I had a pretty awful week. sorry no energy to edit so prepare for glaring typos and errors

Prompt Day 1: Oneirataxia : inability to distinguish between fantasy and reality.

-------------

The days after Bonnie Bennett buried her grandmother were indistinguishable from one another. Beginnings melted into endings until time froze. Night fell, the sun rose, and Bonnie went on existing in a world icier and more grotesque than it had any right being.

First it was her mother.

Just as the heavy lid slammed shut on Abby's glossy dark coffin, a fourteen years old Bonnie began to choke. The lungs her mother so lovingly made for her finding themselves out of a job also.

“Breathe child.”

Next it was her father.

Snow came early that year and Rudy, still adjusting to life as a widower, was every bit as careless as she begged him not to be. In a dorm miles from home, surrounded by bags she would never unpack, Bonnie's tongue turned to stone. All the pretty words her daddy taught her all of a sudden gone. 

“Breathe child.”

She’d been there. Grams.

Through it all, whispering to Bonnie. Her voice, a gentle current carrying a young battered body back to shore. Holding onto the heartbroken teenager with the strong clasp of her fingers. Shaking. Wrinkled. Dependable as driftwood.

“Just breathe for me and we'll take it from there.”

Now there was no one left to remind Bonnie to breathe but Bonnie. And the unimaginable grief swallowed her whole, trapping her in a dark place to become as lost as God said Jonah was.

Night fell, the sun rose, and in between there was nothing to do but sit in same dusty upstairs home office; consume bitter cups of black coffee topped-up with tears, meant to keep her from a soft bed she knew would never leave if given the chance.

A dull ache in her head cried out for real nourishment but her jaw wouldn't know what to do with a full meal. It may well have been wired shut right after the last conversation she had with another soul ended.

Days ago.

Or was it weeks?

Thrown by the faded numbers on the face of an ancient grandfather clock long past its chiming days yet diligently still stood in its corner, Bonnie gave up.  

She continued to sit cross legged on the scratchy hardwood floor, in the same black dress and wool tights from the funeral and her nose deep in a dusty, yellowing notebook. After whole nights spent reading and doing little else, Bonnie’s senses were numb to the strong musk of ripe clothes or the churning sounds of an empty stomach. Weak and nauseated, she struggled to put away the late great Sheila Bennett's things just as she had so many of the things that once belonged to the people she loved. 

Surrounded by piles of bound paper, some with glossy professional hardcovers proudly displaying her family name and others limp cheap things filled with far more intimate wisdoms kept from the public eye, Bonnie Bennett sat in a sea of Sheila’s secrets. And whilst she waded through these warmer waters, the waves outside the pages would have to wait.

Undeveloped ideas, musings and drawings. All done in her grandmother’s hand. So much to obsess over and yet each night, lit only by the softest glow of the desk lamp beside her, Bonnie returned to the same page - staring into eyes that had begun to stare back.

The wriggly lines bewitching Bonnie made up a face.

A man with cheeks high and round, the faintest hint of dimples on each side and at the center of his chin. He was objectively handsome as he was terrible.

Head full of short wild locks with full lips curling into something on the brink of a smile yet clouded by enough of the world’s cruelty to deny the beholder such grace. His mocking mouth was surrounded by a sea of tiny dots delicately done by the precise nib of a dark fountain pen. It was like someone had spilled a shaker full of pepper over half his face as a means to cast a shadow over an otherwise bright countenance.

He was older than her but how old exactly she couldn't say for sure.

But those eyes...

Burdened a dark secret she knew she shouldn’t want to know, they sat under a set of straight thin lines produced by trickling ink that barely touched the page; the artist’s careful bid to accurately represent the soft sparse hairs of a couple of faint, yet still very much there, eyebrows.

A glance and she'd fallen into a well. There, Bonnie lost herself for hours. Drifting in the cool dark waters of those clear astute orbs that thought to read her like the very tower of books she built around herself.

Sat in near darkness, she continued to stare at a face she met years ago.

Or had she?

Twice she crumbled. Twice she forgot to breathe. Twice she was brought back.

Twice she saw him.  

And now he was here.

Among her grandmother’s things.

Cold and unmoving.

A rough sketch, an absurd death mask.

Except this time when Bonnie blinked, the picture blinked back.

It blinked back.

He did.

“No.”

Bonnie shut the book and shook her head.

No, no such thing happened.

Couldn't have.

She just needed coffee. Plenty of it.

Disorientated and with only the aid of her cellphone light, she was amazed she made it down the stairs in one piece. A victory, something her grandmother never managed having slipped on her final descent one morning in late September.

Sheila Bennett was dead before she hit the ground.

An aneurysm had taken her from a granddaughter who needed her. Another Bennet woman cruelly betrayed by her own body.

It was quick and painless - a mercy, Bonnie was told this many times, a mercy when compared to the indecisive cancer cells that taunted her mother for months with the promise of meaningless survival statistics and conflicting second opinions.

“Breathe.”

Bonnie commanded her stubborn body, it begged for slumber with a pathetic yawn she chose to ignore. She rubbed her blurry eyes and stepped over the exact spot she found her grandmother's broken body, banishing the awful image until the next time she stood at the bottom of the winding staircase.

Once away from the spot, she turned on the hall lights the rest of the way.

She entered the kitchen forgetting for a moment why, the cool stone under feet sent a chill up her spine. When she remembered, she pulled her cardigan tighter and this time just skipped lighting the fires of the old stove acting as a heater.

There was nothing that could banish the cold, Bonnie told herself as she waited for the strangely out of place, expensive coffee machine to switch on and brew her next fix. The year end came with harsher winds she’d better get used to.

Grams in September. Mom got November. And December for dad.

“Breathe damn it.”

Bonnie said through gritted teeth, aloud for the ears on the walls of this grand federal style house, a house always listening and more than used to the comings and tragic goings of its inhabitants.

“We deal in legacy, not death.”

Her mother told her the first time she visited this place. Six years old, gripped by an intense fear of ghouls and goblins, she found the awful intimidating architecture of her grandmother’s home off putting. Then came the merry christmases and the happy birthdays, her mother teaching her piano and her father chasing her all over the green grounds in spring.

And Grams.

In the pattern of the dated wallpaper. On the shelves in between the many books. In the random drawers capable of conjuring up sweet treats.

Grams in every room.

The place began to smell like a different kind of old.  

Familiar.

What Bonnie had to figure out on her own, however, was that their history was bought. The fixtures foreign and her grandmother, a fraud who kept things as she found it.

Now, left behind, there was only decay and doors to rooms that won’t open.

Bonnie had been looking for clues to a past that didn’t begin after her grandmother’s first million dollar book deal in 1979. Something that could make sense of the gaps in her own memories.

All she found were more gaps.

Like how did she end up here after the funeral? Where was everyone else? And when was the last time she actually saw the sun rise?

Not a memory but with her own two eyes.

Bonnie looked for her phone, the one she just used to safely maneuver those dangerous creaking stairs.

It was in her right hand.

The screen had gone black. It should’ve bothered her, but she knew it’d be on again for the climb. It always was.

Even if she when couldn’t remember charging it. 

How funny of her to forget.

Unsure why, Bonnie remained as she was, waiting patiently for the spurting sounds of the coffeemaker to stop. But as she moved to grab for the steaming pot she noticed what lay next to it.

There it was on the counter - the same yellowing notebook.

Bonnie frowned slightly.

She was certain she dropped the stupid thing after the unkind trick her tired brain decided to play. Yet here it was.

She began to reach for it, drawn to it as she had every night since she came across it in the study, but at the last second changing her mind and going for the handle instead.

“Just breathe.”

She whispered in a far calmer voice than she expected and began pouring her coffee.

When she glanced at the notebook again it was open on the same page from earlier.

Those eyes staring back.

Bonnie's own ones widened.

There appeared to be a new detail for her to read. Written in elegant, yet wholly unfamiliar, cursive script - Niklaus.

Scalding hot blackness connected with her brown skin, coffee spilling everywhere but into the stained chipped mug she always fished out of the sink.

Her grandmother's favorite.

Now smashed to a thousand pieces, it too would never again kiss Bonnie's lips.

The burn was agonizing.

There was something wrong.

So very wrong.

Clutching at her injured hand, pressing the arm up against a thundering chest, Bonnie stumbled out of  the kitchen and into the hallway to get away.

Breathe.

But there wasn't enough air in the empty halls either. Unable to get far from the kitchen and the unexplainable things there, she suddenly was confronted by the home two faceless grey lawyers described to her at reading of Sheila Bennet’s last will and testament.

A place far too huge for a young woman on her own to keep haunting.

Except she remembered now.

That never happened. And she wasn't alone.

Those clear eyes following her.

The hot pain on the back of her hand.  

It happened before.

Her trembling fingers desperately grabbed at moving wallpaper to steady legs about to give out. Then as Bonnie fell to her knees, the maroon carpet turned to jello beneath her, first wobbling then quaking.

Again, before her it lay in wait.

The notebook.

It seemed larger now. A monstrous mouth, inch by inch expanding and prepping itself for the birth of a fresh nightmare.

A pale hand reached out of the blinding whiteness. Fingers first, shooting up towards the sky like branches on a tree and then for her throat.

She saw it coming but failed to move until her long dark hair became trapped between the white knuckles and it began squeezing. The more she struggled, the deeper and deeper its nails cut into her soft skin; taking root and leaving her thin neck slick with blood. Tears falling from her eyes earned her little mercy from the thing, yet she continued to water it just the same as it went on growing out of the blood soaked pages before her.

So much wetness, none of it allowing her to slip free from the hooks planted into her flesh.  

Breathe.

A final gasp, a futile kick and Bonnie gave in. A dark curtain drew over the world and her weary body finally got the rest it so wished for.

[feralknights]

OB64 PTS#6

Unfortunately I didn’t proofread this as much as I probably should have.  But, after reading the notes, chatting with folks, getting opinions from others, and having a bit of a rough night I finally decided to put it all down:  My feelings and opinions about OB64 and the current direction of Paladins: Champions of the Realm.

So if you've read the fourm post that I'd written, you'd know that at the moment I have a lot to say about Paladins OB64, and very little of it is positive.  We're at the 6th iteration of the PTS, with it getting an eleventh-hour push-back another week for more bug issues, card balancing, and now the inclusion of what they're calling a "Classic" mode where the cards will be balanced as they are for Competitive.

Apparently I've garnered something of a reputation with members of the community about my essay-sized feedback; I go on and on with my points, and in almost every post I make sure to highlight and emphasize a few points:  I am not a professional player, I am not a competitive player, and I try to play Devil's Advocate with everything that I suggest on any champion or item adjustment in the game, no matter how insane or unreasonable.

Early on, I expressed sentiments to members of the development team-- those I am fortunate enough to speak with-- that I often times like a shake-up of the system.  Essence being reverted to gold sat all right with me, though if you remember, I was actually a staunch defender of the Essence system.  Yes, it added grind, but it retained a spirit of player agency and decision-making that helped bring me in and keep me in.

Then, the patch notes were released.  I spent an hour reading them again, and then again, and then again, trying to figure this out.  I actually said out loud, "what is their goal here?"  The most vocal components of the community across almost every platform of social media I followed the game on were crying out for a scant few things:  Bugfixes, matchmaking, and balance.  Vivian and Lex were the two most hated champions on the PC circuit; I was regaled with stories constantly about Skye being an auto-ban in competitive from my nephew, an avid console player.

Instead, we were served up this:  Cards Unbound.

We were told that feedback complained about the complexity of a 5-card, 4-point card, 12-point deck system was just "too high" for players.  We were told that this would be "more free than ever."  Then we also got a really cheeky jab at Battlefront 2's decisions on how to monetize content after being a $60 buy-in game.  Having spent a fair share of money on the game in the last year, I can definitely say that that particular comment left a bad, lasting impression on me; I was a Tier 3 founder within a few days of starting the game when they initially offered the pack.

The PTS iterations continued to roll on, leading us up to that 5-- PTS5, where I was hoping that they would provide us with a fair, balanced version of the Casual gameplay or just an announcement that they would scrap the system altogether.  Instead, we were left with card changes, balance notes that made absolutely no sense, and a version of the PTS that was so buggy and insane that streamers from pro to casual were remarking on how bad it is.  Youtube content creators practically rioting, and conspiracy theories flying left, right, and center.

I really don't want to buy into the conspiracy theories.  They breed fear.  They breed paranoia.  People start connecting dots that aren't there.  I do realize that we are in an insane world in 2017 with world leaders that lie and change lies as quickly and easily as they draw breath, but I'm a person that tries really hard to give people a second chance and asks for the data.  I want to see the metrics and data; I want to know what's going on.

The things I can see:  The bug fourms are riddled with people reporting bugs, but I have yet to see much more than *very faint* praise for the Cards Unbound system.  At the time of this writing, the main patch notes thread is currently 122 pages, with scattered pages and posts from fans that are exasperated and tired of fighting Hi-Rez with this.  The subreddit is still on fire with people upset with the changes; the OB64 additions video currently sits with an overwhelming 11k dislikes and a petition to have OB64 shelved has broken 7,700 signatures and it's only climbing.

I think this, more than anything, shows that a significant part of the recurring, constant playerbase loves this complexity.  They love the depth that Paladins provides versus it's competitors.  Personally, I loved throwing down at least five bucks every patch cycle or so, charging into the game and seeing what changes were lined up and how things shook out.  I'm a Skye main, so not only am I a rare breed that deals with way too much shit in the playerbase, but I am one that would look at all of these changes with a critical lens, asking myself "how can I get past this one champion's buff?  This new champion and this specific card combination?"

I'm not afraid to admit it:  Skye is what brought me into playing Paladins in the first place, but I stayed because of the world, the depth, and the complexity.  I'm borrowing and paraphrasing the words of Skillup from Youtube as I have in my prior posts, but I believe it bears some repeating:

"It's a statement to the industry that I hope other developers take note of:  Gamers aren't idiots.  We don't need our hands held all of the time.  Complexity and depth should be embraced, not feared."

I've met more people that were intrigued by the 12-point system of Paladins and the open beta experience than driven away from it.  Even friends that were afraid of the complexity acknowledged the depth and what it brought to the table in terms of customization and decision-making-- even if they weren't up for playing it, they still admired it.  They admired the product, and even folks that felt burned about the Tribes treatment felt that the system was something rich and diverse and good and something that the now-flooded "hero shooter" market needed in order to remain competitive and make a name for itself.

I remember reading the Q&A responses from the subreddit, and how they felt that players that should be in competitive are in casual rather than comp, and how they wanted to encourage and incentivize people to take the step to finally playing competitive.  Unfortunately, that's still not me:  I don't care about comp.  As dramatic as it sounds, and as I've said before, I absolutely despise draft picking with every fiber of my being.  I don't care about the competitive experience in Paladins, let alone any other game, be it League of Legends, Overwatch, Team Fortress, Battlerite, or even the few fledging times people tried to make Conclave a thing in Warframe.  I just don't care.  I've even said as much to Hi-Rez staff members in casual conversation; the only thing that would make me even remotely consider broaching the Competitive queue would be if they added a Skye skin as a seasonal reward.  However, considering she is far and away not a meta darling-- and how certain casters react when she was picked, something that still ires me to this day if only because casters should be more professional and objective-- I don't see that happening anytime in the next few years.

I remember feeling almost singled out, and even made a mockup:  'Bring back casual, make an unbound queue.'  Boom, done.  But even then it wouldn't be what I actually wanted, what actually kept me playing Paladins for so long even as someone that does not play or even particularly enjoy competitive, PVP-driven FPS experiences:  That 12-point card system.

PTS6 almost solves that, but it still feels like something of a slap in the face.

I don't mean that to sound dramatic, either, but it feels wholly limited and punishing because I don't want to play Cards Unbound.  I won't get those First Wins of the Day chests.  I won't get access to Onslaught unless I put myself into Unbound mode.  And then rather than simply leaving it branded as "Casual," they made the conscious decision to call this mode "Classic," as though it were the game mode that Paladins fans have known and loved for over a year-- a maneuver that was undoubtedly made for marketing purposes, as folks that come in with the Cards Unbound system would think that this is what the game always was, and what folks would eventually come to accept.  Plus, I won't get the same rewards for playing "Classic Mode."  Rather than treating Casual as a focal-point experience, it's being treated as a tacked-on afterthought that feels like it's meant to appease people on the fence rather than address the problems that people are having with the system.

But this all comes back to the same thing that I keep grappling with?  What is the mission of Cards Unbound?

I wasn't here for the closed beta phase of Paladins.  Point in fact, I came in kind of late compared to many people; I came in roughly around OB35-36, well after the era of Skye reigning supreme and champion balance being somewhat insane.  Even then, through all of the ups and downs of my favorites, I loved playing the game.  I didn't know about the closed beta systems and mechanics, and when I had heard them, it left me stunned that the system started with something that sounded so haphazard and unfocused and managed to sharply refine into something that was so simplistic on the surface, yet so complex as soon as you start digging into it.  I understood why the pros grabbed on with both hands, why teams flocked to it, why HRX2017 was such a big deal.

Paladins actually made me give a shit about esports.

CU feels like a bold, drastic step that should have been considered-- or implemented-- during a closed beta phase or even an alpha phase.  This is something that should have been done over a year ago, or an iteration of the prior level-as-you-play system from a year ago.  This feels like something that should be used in a game that is specifically not Paladins.  But, the company is so driven and committed to it that I don't think they're going to heed the vocal playerbase-- and to be fair, it feels like a vocal majority rather than the vocal minority-- that I doubt they're going to pull back from it right now.

I think PTS6 hits a place where I can finally sigh, throw up my hands, and say "I guess."  For all it's faults, for everything I feel is wrong with it, it's at least finally offering me a balanced casual experience even if I'm being shortchanged on my rewards and the investment of my time.  As a tier 3 Founder, I don't have to worry about buying Champions anymore, so again, the so-called "Classic" mode will offer me the trade of "worse advancement" for "balanced gameplay," though I still have to put the word "balanced" in those accursed quotation marks.  For as much as I can say, "I guess," I still don't like it.

I really wish I had a better solution, something that allows Hi-Rez to move ahead with their system.  I wish I had that much input or leeway on the company as a fan, a player, an artist, fanartist, and content creator, but I know I'm just one teeny tiny part of the machine.  I just keep coming up short; I really don't have a better offering of how to balance the system, or restore trust, or even restore the player agency that a game like this actually requires in order to flourish.

What I can say, though?

Community management and public relations needs to step up.  Please don't get me wrong here, either:  CMs have an incredibly tough job and they have to deal with a lot of hate, flaming, and bullshit, but they can't be silent day after day.  The team needs to be in front of this literally every single day, talking to the community, hosting more Q&A threads, developer livestreams, and actually showing that they're listening to the input.  They may be getting positive feedback that is steering the current state of the system, but in large part a lot of this could have been avoided:

The company should have been transparent in their goals and plans for this system months in advance.

2017 has been a turbulent year for gaming and developers.  Players are more savvy and less willing, especially in Western markets, to deal with developers that try to do things that they feel are short-changing or otherwise screwing players out of what they feel is a fun, fair, balanced experience.  “Transparency” and “trust” are two critical, key components of free to play gaming that I feel are unjustly overlooked or treated as unfeasable.  That is not the case at all.  As I noted earlier, gamers aren't idiots:  Transparency builds trust.  Being willing to course correct because you were open and honest with your playerbase creates options, opens doors, and makes your players more willing to trust and invest their time-- and money-- in the company and the game.

The community should have been involved in shaping Cards Unbound.

This is a dramatic change.  The community should have had input on how to shape this system over the course of weeks and months, rather than having an ill-conceived, ill-balanced, and frankly ill-executed system being dropped on their lap on a Wednesday afternoon.  I am not against the *concept* of a Cards Unbound system, but I feel like the system would have worked perfectly well within the 5-card, 4-point card confines they currently have.  I think Legendary cards having points and level values is a mistake.  This is a system that, like the Wrecker change, should not have left the PTS cycle.  It still should not leave the PTS cycle.  Honestly, I do openly implore the development team to just release the art assets in as OB64, then for OB65 heed the needs of the community:  Focus on balance.  Focus on bugfixes, and be willing to list not just the most pertinent, but all of them.

Seriously.  All of them.  There are more people than you think that are interested in knowing what and where the bugs were.  Allowing the players that level of trust to know where your mistakes are will make them more willing to quickly jump up and report the things that they see on a broader scale, and acknowledging those bugs quickly and effectively would foster a lot of trust with them.

The company should keep the "eject" button on the table for the patch.

I realize that is the crux of my personal opinion, but I feel that this is something that still needs to be reiterated, put on the table, and stated.  We don't have the metrics on player retention over the last few months, we don't know what the feedback is actually like beyond a quick glance at the fourms, and most tellingly, I cannot recall the last time that Hi-Rez has sent out a player survey to email boxes or had linked in the game's main screen/UI for over twenty patches.  Operating solely on what we can see-- the fourm announcements, a scant offering comment or three subreddit-- people are, bluntly, *pissed*.  I realize that Hi-Rez has done a lot to get OB64 ready, and I realize that there's a lot on the line for them to push what they have, but at a certain point there needs to be a willingness to say, "Maybe we should pump the brakes."

So, with all of this, at the end, all I can really say about OB64 comes down to a scant few things:  I like the skins.  I like the visuals.  I'm glad we're finally getting lore.  I'm really hoping Skye isn't just a cookiecutter villain or spy cliche.  I've heard Mal'damba might be more morally gray and pretty interesting.  I just ... look at the rest, sigh, and go, "I guess."

Balance changes that don't make sense.  Champions that still have innate caut at ridiculous levels.  Skye having her LMB damage reduced unnecessarily while also losing her 25% movement bonus in Hidden without anything to compensate for her kit being hit so hard.  "I guess."

I don't want to feel "I guess."  I want to have the same feelings I had for the last twenty patches, excited, ready to go, and continuing my hatred for anyone that picks Lex and Vivian.  I'm willing to give the patch a go.  I want to keep enjoying Paladins, but I don't want to see the playerbase pick up and leave.  I don't want to see people hating on the game.  I want to see Paladins succeed.  I want a Paladins Worlds 2020.  I want to be there for the game, as a community creator, commentator, blogger, or more.  I love this game, and I've met a lot of amazing people through it.  I've had my audience explode because of it, and I value what I've been given through it.

I just... don't want "I guess."

edit 12/14/17: Touched up a little bit of the grammar and some spelling errors, sorry about that.  I was having A Night!

[litabrown]

A Beginner's Guide to Twitter Ads

Since the inception of Twitter in 2006, it has thrived into active users of about over 300 million active users monthly. Without a doubt, Twitter is among the largest social media forums despite its effort to entice fresh users. When one reckons about social media advertising, they incline to believe it is virtually Facebook ads. Nonetheless, Twitter has a very influential advertising strategy and is under-utilized by a bunch of businesses, employers, and marketers. Twitter is a great marketing medium for propelling dealings and inducing leads.

Truthfully, 63% of Twitter users pursue small businesses. It's no surprise that corporations can see substantial development from this forum. If you're yet to utilize Twitter for business objectives or wish to get competent at it, keep reading. You'll learn how you can utilize Twitter ad campaigns to reach the audiences you oversee. This guide will encircle everything you desire to understand to get set up with Twitter advertising, enabling you to set up your first campaign and enticing leads. Here's the full guide for twitter ads.

What are Twitter Ads?

Twitter ads are segments that permit you to publicize personal tweets or whole campaigns committed to certain purposes. Businesses can decide between various motives: the app installs video views and website modifications and sets audience targeting standards for each ad campaign they build.

To broaden your scope and amass your follower directory on Twitter, assume augmenting your organic undertakings with the paid promotional alternatives, Twitter has created straight into the forum. Utilizing Twitter Ads is a modest standard to get your tweets in front of the audiences who are not yet your followers, which is exceptionally helpful for producing new leads for your business. And you don't certainly have to use up capital on it; either Twitter ads can be beneficial even on moderately small funding.

Guide to Twitter Ads

To begin advert on twitter, follow the under-listed steps:

1. Create a twitter ads account: To start with, you need to; create a Twitter advertising account and log in. After signing in; To place an advert on Twitter, the account is expected to have a specific degree of engagement before Twitter considers you eligible. If you receive feedback that "Your account is not eligible" to partake in the Twitter ads scheme. Learn more about Twitter ads eligibility" message; see that your profile is properly set up by ensuring the following has been verified:

Email address.

Profile picture/cover.

Web site.

Now fully begin to tweet for seven days or more. After this, check back to see if you have been enabled to sign up for ads.

2. Select the type of Twitter campaign: If you are still fresh to Twitter, or you're initiating a new brand, boosting your "following" will be one of your main interests. You can also use this category of an ad to target people in your target need, Follower campaigns appear as tweets in user timelines and also in the Who to Follow boxes you will see dotted around Twitter.

Website

If your primary interest is website traffic or goal conversions (email sign-up/sale), therefore, this is your best chance. Twitter will attend to your ad to people it believes most apt to connect with your ad. These ads will come up in user timelines and Twitter search result pages.

Attention of tweets

Tweet attention is considerable for being able to gain more people and propelling discussion. Twitter will administer your ad to people it understands are most apt to reply, like, or retweet your subject. Just like a post on Facebook that is boosted.

App installs

If you have an app, you wish people to download, this is the ad type you need to employ. App installs will only appear in mobile feeds.

Twitter leads

Leads on Twitter campaigns are precise for obtaining leads, like email addresses. Probably you have an email course, free ebook, or something else you're offering in return for email addresses? The user doesn't have to input their mail address, which extensively increases the likelihood of a change.

3. Create Twitter ads: There are four ways to creating ads:

· Naming your campaign.

· Choosing your audience.

· Setting your budget.

· Selecting your creatives.

The initial phase is very easy. Just select a name for your campaign and determine when you want the campaign to operate. You can either agree on it to start instantly and operate continuously, or you can fix the beginning and ending duration.

4. Set a target for your perfect audience: One time you've selected your ad motive and formulated the virtual ad, it's time to decide on who you expect the ad to be distributed to. Twitter has influential targeting capacities, which makes it simple to discover and section audiences.

5. Allotment setting:  Once you've selected your audience, you require to agree on how much capital you're going to sell out. You do this by forming a daily result. Twitter will cap the proportion you exhaust each day to whatever you fix it. You can also fix a full allotment, which will end your campaign operation, once the budget has been attained. This is an elective.

6. Selecting your creative: This is where you build what your ad will certainly look like. What you discover here will depend on what kind of campaign you've established. In most circumstances, you'll be inquired to either 'compose a tweet' or 'choose a tweet.' This is wholly up to you. You can either build a new tweet for your ad or select one of your earlier tweets to facilitate. Once you've done this, you need not worry. All you have to do is to navigate back to the tip of your screen and tap 'Launch' at the top right.

Just in case, you are required to choose your pricing under 'Advanced settings,' You can select between 'Automatic bid' and 'Maximum bid.' In most cases, it is the best suggestion to go with automatic bidding. When spending for ads on Twitter, you spend per activity adopted (i.e., a retweet or follow). If you select an automatic bid, Twitter will optimize your bid to receive the nicest outcomes at the shortest tariff (within your budget).

If you select a Maximum bid, you have to select how extensively you're ready to spend on an activity.

000

[lucid-illegal-vibes]

That which you Need To know To generate Dollars On the web

Make sure to maintain an eye out for info on cons on the web. Though you can find a myriad of possibilities in your case to make dollars, some are less than savory. Examine assessments of any strategy you should implement inside your on-line technique prior to deciding to signal over the dotted line for something.

A single great way to make money on the internet is to work with a web site like Etsy or eBay to sell things you make you. In case you have any skills, from stitching to knitting to carpentry, you may create a killing by on the net marketplaces. People today want merchandise which might be handmade, so join in!

When planning ways to earn a living operating online, never put all your eggs in a single basket. Continue to keep as numerous selections open up as feasible, in order that you can generally have cash coming in. Failure to strategy like this can definitely set you back in the event your main site suddenly stops publishing do the job or chances.

como ganhar dinheiro na internet

Indicator up for the web page that will pay you to study e-mail over the training course on the day. You will just get one-way links to scan around unique sites and read by way of miscellaneous textual content. This could not get you a lot of your time and will pay terrific advantages within the prolonged run.

1 hassle-free technique to generate profits online is to get started on creating. There are lots of web-sites which will pay you to make articles for various folks. When you have completed nicely in creating programs right before, this could be perfect for you. You can obtain paid out to put in writing website posts and even more.

When you are a great writer, there are actually numerous alternatives for you on the net when it comes to making added funds. By way of example, check out out report composing web-sites wherever it is possible to develop material to be used for search engine optimisation. Lots of shell out greater than some cents for every phrase, rendering it worthy of your while.

You may earn cash on-line by participating in online games. Farm Gold is an excellent internet site that you simply can log in to and play enjoyment games in the training course on the working day in the spare time. There are several online games which you can choose between for making this a successful and pleasurable encounter.

Create a day-to-day program for yourself. On line revenue is definitely tied to the potential to help keep at it on a steady foundation. This is often no rapid deal with to a ton of dollars. You would like to work diligently each working day. Carve out a specific timeframe day-to-day. Even an hour or so per day can make a major distinction after a while!

When you plan to make money on line, join a minimum of a person forum 1st. You will find there's large amount to be figured out, therefore you can perform so from other people's issues, fairly than owning to make your own personal. Introduce your self, request issues and make connections much too. Networking for online money-making predicaments can transform into pretty profitable work opportunities.

Try undertaking surveys. You will find no scarcity of on the net surveys around. Surveys could be a terrific way to receive funds on the net. Based on exactly where you take these surveys, they usually will not spend very substantially. Even so, they are simple to carry out during down time, and the revenue you make from them will speedily include up.

Before you decide to set your heart on earning money on the net, established your family up. Ensuring that you're totally free from interruptions is usually an important aspect of the achievements. Kids, spouses and also other individuals can slice you off for the most inconvenient periods. Make sure your time and efforts is your own, in order to increase earnings.

Get paid to evaluate a lot of the new items that are out over the sector these days. This is certainly a great way for firms to ascertain if their new products and solutions undoubtedly are a hit and miss as they can pay superior income to obtain an belief on them. Get the phrase out on these solutions and pull while in the income.

Consider accomplishing some surveys on the net. You are going to not make as much money when you would with a few other kinds of on line get the job done. These surveys normally don't acquire extensive, and they normally just ask for the feeling. In case you be part of a respectable study website, those cents can immediately include around some excess hard cash.

Market a number of the junk that you've across the dwelling on eBay. You don't have to pay for to put in place an account and might checklist your merchandise any way you want. There are many different training web sites that you choose to can use to obtain begun the appropriate way on eBay.

Present companies to folks on Fiverr. This is often a web page that allows people today to receive everything that they want from media design and style to promotions for just a flat rate of five bucks. There's a one particular greenback demand for each assistance that you promote, but when you are doing a superior quantity, the profit can insert up.

If proudly owning your personal web site is usually a bit way too time intensive, however you would nonetheless love to publish and make money, detail about producing articles or blog posts for present blogs. There are a variety around, together with Weblogs and PayPerPost. By using a very little research plus a bit of initiative, you can get create with a person of these web pages and begin earning dollars in no time.

Lots of individuals find that they are able to make excess income by completing surveys. You will discover numerous study internet sites on line that could spend you for the opinions. All you'll need is really a valid email tackle. These web sites offer checks, gift cards and PayPal payments. Be truthful any time you fill out your facts so that you can qualify for that surveys they mail you.

Do a google hunt for making a living on-line. You might obtain a big listing of numerous unique alternatives. As you uncover anything that sparks your curiosity, ensure to try and do an intensive search about evaluations about that corporation. It does not matter who you select however, make sure to normally certainly be a bit careful about this.

como trabalhar na internet

Bear in mind to make a spending budget before you begin to work on the web. You require to grasp what your overhead will be, be it the price of your laptop or computer and internet connection in case your perform are going to be wholly totally almost, or any supplies you require if the system is usually to promote merchandise on the net.

[owfemslashexchange]

Stay With Me - Submission from user @mvrcy

From @mvrcy to @missvadner

At 11:23 P.M. on October 25th, 2077, Sombra told Satya the truth.

She’d been baiting along the architech for months in hopes of getting an inside contact to retrieve information for her on Vishkar, find someway to blackmail “Symmetra” into helping her using the dirt she’d dug up on the corporation. But after a few preparatory emails and months of digging through files and records, it was clear that Satya, despite having a high rank in the corporation, knew next to nothing about Vishkar’s true dealings.

And with that realization came a sense of duty that was wholly foreign to Sombra. Satya didn’t deserve to be remembered as some high-ranking Vishkar employee; history would be too unkind to her for that. She needed to be an example, a hero. She deserved to be.

At 12:04 A.M. on October 26th, 2077, Sombra received a request for a video call. She’d never taken one before; showing her face on camera was dangerous. But this was different; this was Satya.

She clicked answer the second it popped up.

“I’m sorry,” she said right as it connected, expecting to see the architech in tears, angry, something. But her face was completely blank.

“Is it safe to assume that Natalia is not your real name?” Satya asked, raising an eyebrow. Sombra nodded. “How should I refer to you then?”

Her voice was so calm it was unsettling. She didn’t seem angry at all; she seemed completely indifferent. Sombra knew she wasn’t wrong to reveal the information, and she was certain that Satya had no idea about the full extent of Vishkar’s doings. There was something terrifying about how she was handling it, like the eye of a storm. Completely serene while everything around her was being torn apart. “Sombra,” Sombra said.

“Sombra,” Satya repeated, almost as if she were testing the feel of the word. “Very well. Miss Sombra, at exactly 3:30 this morning I will be at my window. I’m assuming you know where I live.” Sombra nodded. “Meet me there, and take me away. Wherever you are will work.”

Satya ended the video call, and the window disappeared from Sombra’s screen. Sombra sat back in her chair, exhaling slowly, processing. Take her away. Meet her at the window. Take her away.

Wherever I am. Sombra blinked. No, Satya couldn’t come there, not to Talon. That was hardly an improvement from Vishkar. Sombra herself could barely stand doing work for them, but she could only throw so many missions before Talon became suspicious of her and the possibility of reconditioning would appear.

At 1:37 A.M., Dr. Angela Ziegler stood in her lab at the watchpoint, reviewing files on her computer. A notification for a new email appeared in the corner of her screen, and she clicked on it absent mindedly, welcoming the distraction from paperwork. The sender’s address was obscured so that she could not see it, and the message was short, and simple: I have a recruit.

Sombra was five minutes early to Satya’s apartment. She stood in the street, Satya’s apartment being on the second story, and wondered if she had the right window. There were three that overlooked a street, and they were all spread in weird places. She’d decided to stand under the bedroom window – it seemed to be the place Satya would most likely be so early in the morning – but she still paced back and forth, stopping every so often if she thought she heard a noise but being to restless to hide completely.

At 3:30 on the dot, the curtains pulled apart, and the window slid open. “Sombra?” Satya’s voice whispered into the night, and Sombra smiled up at her.

“Here, amiga,” she said, waving. “C’mon down.” Satya shot her a look that was somewhere between confused and apprehensive.

“You want me to jump?” She asked, and Sombra laughed quietly.

“Well, you can, but you don’t have to. I hear the front door is also a suitable way to exit a building.” Satya clicked her tongue.

“Don’t be a smartass,” she chastised, and pulled back from the window. “I will be down in a minute.”

When Satya exited the door, she was dressed in a black dress with dark red lining, and had a bag slung over her shoulder. “What is your plan to get out?” She asked. Sombra grinned.

“Well, it’s a bit unconventional,” Sombra said, extending her hand to the architech. “But you’re just going to have to grab on and trust me.”

Satya stared down at her outstretched hand for a moment before taking it. “Okay,” she said. “I trust you.”

Sombra’s heart skipped a beat, and she had to look away from the architech to regain her composure. Her face felt hot. “Good,” she responded, and she activated her translocator. They disappeared from the street in a dim flash of purple and reappeared several yards outside the development, where Sombra had left her transport. Satya was clutching her head, looking like she was trying very hard not to throw up.

“When you said unconventional,” she began, taking a few deep breaths, “that was not what I was expecting.” She reached back into her bag and pulled out her hard light bender, sliding into the passenger seat of Sombra’s transport and slowly forming small shapes with the bender and spinning them around.

“Sorry,” Sombra said, and Satya shook her head.

“No, it was very efficient. I… thank you, for coming for me.” Sombra felt her face flush.

“Of course. I wasn’t going to leave you here, with all that information dumped on you. That would be cruel.”

The architech simply hummed in response, continuing to spin the various 3-D models around with her hand. Sombra turned on autopilot and allowed the ship to take off, headed for Gibraltar, where she could only hope Dr. Ziegler would be waiting. Or any of the reformed Overwatch team.

People who could help Satya, and keep her safe.

At 5:09 A.M., the transport landed in the docking area of Watchpoint: Gibraltar. Sombra gently prodded Satya awake, and Satya took a moment to survey their surroundings.

“You’re with Overwatch?” She asked, eyes wide.

“Not exactly,” Sombra replied. “I don’t work for anyone, really. Just myself. But the organization I’m currently… ah…” she paused, looking for the right way to put it. “…Affiliated with, lets say, is not the kind of place I want you to be.” Satya’s gaze cast downwards.

“I see.” She took a deep breath. “Is this goodbye, then?” Sombra shook her head.

“No,” she said, maybe a little too quickly. “I mean… it doesn’t have to be. We can stay in contact.” She smiled. “And, this is the kind of organization I would prefer to be affiliated with. So perhaps, one day, I will see you here again.” Satya smiled.

“I’d like that.”

Sombra felt her heartbeat speed up, could hear it thumping against her ribcage. She was glad for the dark, lest Satya see how red her face way. “Goodbye, Satya,” Sombra said quietly, and the architech stood.

“Goodbye, Sombra,” she responded, still smiling. She stared at the hacker for a moment before extending a single finger and reaching out towards Sombra. She pressed it against Sombra’s nose for a second, grin widening. “Boop.”

Sombra sat in stunned silence and watched as Satya disembarked the plane. She could see out the window that Dr. Ziegler was indeed there to greet her, as were some others she only knew by face. She took off without really thinking about it, her mind still replaying Satya’s light touch in her mind.

Boop.

At 2:38 P.M. on March 30th, 2078, Satya and Sombra were curled up together on the corner of the couch, watching some old movie from the 2040’s and sharing a bowl of popcorn. Sombra glanced up at Satya and beamed, and the architech raised a brow.

“What?” she asked, and Sombra’s smile widened. She reached up and pressed her forefinger to Satya’s nose.

“Boop.”

Satya laughed. “I love you too.”

 I’ll be posting this on AO3 on May 7th, I’ll be sure to tag you & my person !!

[worldbuildingworkshop]

Worldbuilding Tutorial #11: Example World B

Intro As with Example World A, starting with this set of tutorials, I am going to continue to tighten my focus to a handful of regions in each world. Which regions these are may shift a little depending on which ones are most useful to demonstrate a given tutorial; likely it will probably tend to be a core few.  

Going Over Notes: This world has a pantheon of 13 major deities, each with their own portfolio of domains, which are humanlike in nature and capable of manifesting on and influencing the world directly. This world also hosts a variety of other supernatural entities - demons, fey, spirits, etc - as well as creatures known as “the Dark Ones”, to which the gods are directly opposed. Luck is a major force in this world, as is another force akin to karma. Magic is accessible to everyone in this world, and is commonplace. For a more detailed reminder (there’s a lot for this one that I couldn’t fit in), you can go here.

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Region #1: Warm Coastal Region This is a region with high population density and a great deal of influence from other regions and cultures; because of this, it houses a plethora of traditions associated with each deity. There are place of worship not just for each deity; but for regional variations of each deity under different names, with variations their portfolio, and with worshippers belonging to a variety of sects with different practices of worship pertaining to these deities. It is a multireligious region, particularly in the major city central to it; however, religion is far from central to the daily lives of most people here, except for those who are themselves ardent worshippers or priestesses and priests. Most of the activity around religion in this region comes around during major holidays of those particular deities.

Holidays are generally major events in this region; each deity has a variety of holidays attributed to them - some major and some minor - and the major holidays can take the form of several-day-long festivals or carnivals during which guilds work to put on elaborate events, presentations, dedications, etc. The guilds are not religions entities, but contributing to these carnivals is seen both as a kind of charity and as a way to try to one-up other guilds and jockey for influence. 

Regarding other beings: demons, spirits, fey, etc are relatively uncommon in this region due to the dense population. These beings tend to favor more open, wild space and don’t fare as well in more developed areas. 

Lastly, magic is commonplace in this region. There are certainly some laws about practicing certain kinds of magic (eg, disruptive) within city boundaries, and other kinds of magic (eg, interfering with dead bodies) period. It is not regulated by any guild but rather by common law; and, as with forms of worship, because this region is so multicultural there are many traditions and magical practices that exist within the region.

------------

Region #2: Wooded Region

All deities are also worshipped here; however, the relationship between deity and worshipper is much more individual. Rather than shrines tended directly by priestesses and priests, there are places dedicated to particular deities which worshippers can go to and leave small offerings, make prayers, take oaths, and the like; they can come and go as they like, and can generally assume a certain amount of privacy while at these spaces due to the relatively few people in a given village. 

There are priestesses and priests of these deities. Rather than be tied to one place, they instead travel around to maintain these much more informal shrines. They also hold counsel with villagers who ask for it, perform rites associated with the deities, and otherwise deal with the more face-to-face matters of religion demanded by their particular deities. They may or may not lead holiday celebrations, but individual villages may lead their own celebrations without the help of priest/esses as well. 

Other entities and beings are still not common in this region; there are several spirits and fey who live within the region, mostly in older and deeper parts of the woods where people do not often go; but demons are all but nonexistent in this place. 

Magicians follow much in the footsteps of priestesses and priests: it is not uncommon for them to wander from village to village and offering their services (for pay, of course) to anyone who needs or wants them. Some villages may also have magicians who stay in that place, particularly if the magician is also a crafter who works in a workshop. Magic used for crafting is more common in this region than in others, mostly because of this region’s emphasis on crafting. Because of it, magic here tends to be slower and subtle rather than flashy and showy; it’s seen as something you work and shape the same way you might work wood, or clay, or metal. 

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Region #3: In-Between Region Magic in this region - while not in any way outlawed, save certain practices - is something that its practitioners hide from most people in their daily lives, and reveal only to close confidants. This is because magic can be the edge that you need in order to get one up on an opponent or competitor; and it doesn’t pay to have your competitors know that you can cast magic at all, much less how proficiently and what types you favor. In a region where travel is a constant necessity, it’s also advantageous to conceal your magic in case of a surprise attack by bandits or the next fife’s soldiers - giving no sign of your proficiency with it can also give you the extra edge needed to slip away mostly intact to live another day.

When in private amongst trusted confidants, magic is often used superfluously and as much for entertainment as anything: levitating your guests’ glasses off the tray and into their hands, refilling their drinks with arcing streams pulled forth from the wine bottle, etc. Performing magic is a sign of trust, but also something not remarked upon when done unexpectedly - it is polite to (figuratively) look the other way and act as if it is wholly normal.

It is also normal to keep “court magicians” on hand; a given fife may employ anywhere from one to a dozen skilled magicians to perform various tasks as needed by the fife. These magicians do not hide their ability to perform magic, but rather use it as a shield: they are given a great deal of status and deterrence, and many people stay out of their way out of fear rather than any particular taboo. In this place, someone who is comfortable broadcasting their abilities is someone to be feared indeed - because it means that they are strong enough in their abilities for that to be a better deterrent to competition than being wholly unknown.

Religion in this region is somewhat more regimented than it is in the prior two locations. It is not uncommon for the ruler of a fife to have a separate room, chamber, or building set aside for the construction of an elaborate shrine dedicated to the family’s patron deity. Those who live under a fife’s rule are generally expected to pay at least cursory homage to that deity, though this varies by fife and its rulers’ expectations. These buildings are also common in city spaces, where a given city may have separate buildings dedicated to a handful of different deities. It is not uncommon for there to be regular rites of worship depending on the deity, whether it be praying before dinner or fasting every final day of the week or attending a sermon or ritual held in that deity’s honor. Holidays are less important here, and any festivals surrounding them are shorter - lasting the whole day, but no more.

Particularly notable here are Keada the Fool and Odlain the Pilgrim. Shrines to Odlain dot the roads up and down the countryside; these are travelers’ shrines and much more informal. It is not uncommon for priest/esses of Odlain to wander the roads as well, helping out travelers as necessary. Keada, on the other hand, is rarely spoken of openly - despite being one of the major deities worshipped in this region, and this region being one of the places with the deity’s largest following in this part of the world. It is not uncommon for worshippers of Keada to have secret signs and symbols they use to communicate their allegiance with each other, and pretend to have pledged themselves to another deity entirely otherwise. It is for very much the same reason that magicians hide their abilities: the worshippers of Keada are powerful, and it does not do to broadcast your powerful connections in a place like this.

Lastly, other beings: demons, spirits, fey, etc are more common in this region than the other two, because it has more of the empty spaces that these beings favor. Along long empty stretches of road where one might encounter occasional lone travelers is ideal; similarly with places tucked away just off the road that only the foolish will come to investigate. Because of this, there are cultural norms against stepping out of sight of the roads; and being caught outside at night when traveling - and thus having to make camp - is a dangerous business. There are many inns and hostels along the road for this reason, as well as sanctuaries established by the Pilgrims of Odlain to provide safe harbor for travelers caught far from town.

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Region #4: Open Plains Region Relationships with deities in this region have much more to do with oaths and pledges than holidays and worship at shrines. It is common to invoke the name of the deity with the aspect you wish to call on - Ragnok the Warrior before raiding an enemy group or playing a sport, Calwain the Mother before giving birth or undergoing treatment for an illness, Sersei the Giver before courtship or making a trade deal, and so on. Calling on the deity is thought to bring that deity into the space to judge what happens next; success is thought to bring strength to the deity and earn good will with them, and failure is thought to be the ill judgement of the deity and is often followed by some form of penance or making it up to them. This may take the form of fasting, self-flagellation, or giving up possessions for the deity depending on the deity and task in question.

It is rare for people to pledge themselves to individual deities here - they simply call on the ones they need when they need them. A particular band may have a “priestess” whose job it is to serve as a more direct intermediary between the deity and a person or group; but this priestess or priest is almost always secular, though they may be better at connecting with or reading the will of some deities than others. These people do not have to be magicians, but often are powerful ones in their own right; though they are by no means the only magical practitioners in a given band, they are generally the most experienced or masterful ones. 

Magic is treated like any other skill here: if a child shows an aptitude for it, that amplitude is encouraged by having them compete with other children in sports and games designed to strengthen their ability. It is not hidden, and is seen as selfish not to share it with others - and especially not to use it for the benefit of your band, both in good times and in times of danger. Magic tends to be very active and physical in this region, and take place as a quick action rather than a slow practice or spell. 

Like Region #3, this is a region where many demons, spirits, fey, etc are scattered across the landscape. Depending on the individual being and band, a given being’s “home” may be given a wide berth and avoided by any band in the region; or a given band may build a relationship with the being by giving them gifts or offerings from time to time. Though these beings are generally opposed to deities, this does not stop people from worshipping those deities; each relationship is seen as merely that - a relationship - and met on its own terms. 

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These are only broad strokes. I would have liked to develop some specific holidays, sects, and so on for each region; but space to do so is limited and I will instead flesh those things out further in other tutorials. 

[kennethherrerablog]

Want to Study Abroad in College? Here’s How It Can Help Your Career

In a career workshop focused on teaching University of South Florida (USF) students how to constructively talk about their study abroad experiences, some descriptions were banned from the discussion.

Amazing. Awesome. Life changing.

Studying abroad no doubt ticks all three boxes. So why were they banned?

“We want to see students dive in a little deeper,” says Chris Haynes, assistant director of student services at USF’s education abroad office.

By dive deeper, Haynes means that he wants students to articulate exactly how their study abroad experiences translate to tangible skills.

Whether applying for grad school or trying to land a good job right out of college, the experience of studying abroad prepares students for the future in several ways that might not seem wholly evident at first. But the benefits are certainly there to stay.

(If you’re worried about the price, we’ve already got you covered: Here’s how to study abroad cheap — or free.)

Distinguish Yourself From Other College Grads

In today’s economy, employers are looking for experiences and competencies, which are difficult to obtain in college by just going to class and studying. It’s not that those are bad things — they are just not the only things that matter when preparing for the workforce.

Research shows that students who studied abroad had better GPAs, retention rates and graduation rates. The experience particularly motivated students who weren’t the best academics before going abroad.

Studying abroad also helps alumni stand out from their peers, as less than 9% of bachelor-degree seeking undergrads studied internationally in the 2016-2017 academic year, which is the latest data from the Institute of International Education (IIE).

“Employers look very positively upon study abroad,” said Lesa Shouse, director of the career center at USF’s St. Petersburg campus. “And I think it’s going to continue to grow.”

In October 2017, the Institute of International Education released a comprehensive study that examined the employability of 4,500 study abroad alumni.

Dr. Christine Farrugia, deputy head of research at IIE and author of the study, said there’s been an assumption in the higher education industry that studying abroad helps alumni land jobs. But she wanted to put that assumption to the test with empirical research.

The biggest takeaway?

“There is an association between studying abroad and positive career outcomes,” she said.

Some of the other findings were a little more surprising. STEM students who studied abroad felt that they particularly benefited. Farrugia explained that’s because their peers tend to focus too much on technical skills.

“What better way to stand out on a resume or in an interview?” Haynes said.

Develop and Sharpen Your Soft Skills

For a long time, there’s been a persistent narrative for college students: You need engineering, computer science or coding skills, and STEM jobs are the best paying and most in demand.

But that’s not really true.

The Washington Post reported in December 2017 on the findings of a Google experiment on its own hiring and promotion practices. Conventional wisdom would tell us that the best coders or computer scientists probably performed the best at the company, right?

Wrong. Google audited all of its recruitment data since 1998 and found that the top factors of career mobility within the company are all soft skills — problem solving, communication and insight into others.

And according to Dr. Farrugia’s research at IIE, study abroad alumni reported huge increases in those exact skills. In her research, she defines these skills as the “most desired by 21st century employers.”

The National Association of Colleges and Employers (NACE) also defined the best career-readiness skills to have as a college graduate, which included:

Critical thinking and problem solving.

Oral and written communication.

Professionalism and work ethic.

Teamwork and collaboration.

Global and intercultural fluency.

In terms of career trajectory, these skills also happen to be highly desirable traits for managers.

Can you see where I’m going with this? Studying abroad is a singular way to strengthen or develop all of those skills simultaneously.

It helps you “prepare for long-term career planning as well as that immediate job post-graduation,” Shouse said.

“As your career progresses, and as you get into the working world,” Farrugia said, “you’re going to find that… technical skills are important but not enough.”

Use Study Abroad to Nail the Job Interview and Land Your Dream Job

Recent college grads likely don’t have years of work experience, but study abroad experience can really set you apart. Being prepared to talk about it on your resume, in your cover letter and in the job interview is key.

“If you’re not prepared to talk about your study abroad,” Farrugia said, “the person interviewing you may not ask about it directly.”

Not all employers are on the same page about the benefits of studying abroad, Shouse said. While significant progress has been made in recent years, it’s still up to you as a job seeker to connect the dots for them.

The best way to bridge that gap is by preparing for the questions interviewers commonly ask.

“You’re going to have some kind of questions about how you deal with people that are different than you, or how you deal with difficult people,” Shouse said.

Bingo. Those kinds of questions are ripe for study-abroad anecdotes.

“It gives you those concrete examples that interviewers are looking for,” Shouse said. “You’re able to talk specifically about an experience and how you learned from it.”

So yes, studying abroad is amazing and awesome and life changing. But at the end of the day, it will also help you land a job.

“We’re not doing it just to send students to Spain,” Haynes said. “We’re trying to prepare them for the workforce.”

Adam Hardy is an editorial assistant at The Penny Hoarder. He studied abroad as a low-income, first-generation college student. That gave him the confidence to move to South Korea, where he taught grade-schoolers and North Korean refugees. Read his full bio, or say hi on Twitter @hardyjournalism.

This was originally published on The Penny Hoarder, which helps millions of readers worldwide earn and save money by sharing unique job opportunities, personal stories, freebies and more. The Inc. 5000 ranked The Penny Hoarder as the fastest-growing private media company in the U.S. in 2017.

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