#this is what my character looks like in my rock romancing save file~

[pelipper]

On my flight back home from Chicago I celebrated my most decisive victory yet against Charlie.

[cosmichorrorsarestillnicerthanme]

I seek romance with my favorite scrimblos. Can I see some general relationship HCs for a GN! Reader paired with Mahiru and Ibuki?

Your Wish Is My Command (You have no Idea how happy getting a request made me but I probably went Waaaaaay over board on this)

Ibuki Mioda

Okay first things first, confession time. Ibuki is one of my favorite Characters, Hell she’d probably be in my top five if Mukuro or Celestia didn't exist (You can take Mikan, Toko, and Jack out of my cold dead hands).

Now, let’s start with the basics

The two of you probably met at some Ma and Pop coffee shop, or Cafe.

It started out just as two people chilling while waiting for their coffee to be made.

But luckily it was a very busy day at rush hour

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

“Sooooo, what are ya in for?” Ibuki asked you as she hopped her leg in place.

You pocketed your phone and looked her directly in the eye’s before saying with the most serious face imaginable “Manslaughter.”

Ibuki and you went quiet for a moment before you started laughing and said in between chuckles “Calm down miss I’m just messing with you!” 

Ibuki soon joined in on the laughter as well

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

After that you and her would have little meetups every so often.

During one of these meetups the two of you started talking about what you liked 

And Ibuki had one of her “Happy Freakouts” 

You honest to good thought she was having a seizure because you asked what her favorite genre of music was only to be blasted with more information on metal music than there is on Wikipedia

It was a little shocking honestly

Then she asked you what your favorite genre of music was (Personally I enjoy Desert Rock, and Alternative Indie Rock, Think Queens Of The Stone Age and Arctic Monkeys)

Ibuki then filed that little tidbit of information away for a later date

After this little meetup Ibuki decided that she was going to ask you out soon

And you decided you were going to ask Ibuki out soon too

You know what that means!

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

“Hey I’ve got something I want to ask you!” You both said to the other at once.

“Oh, sure you go first!” The two of you once more said to each other at once.

You both went quiet before narrowing you both narrowed your eyes and shouted out your favorite Ice Cream flavor at the exact same time.

“Phew, I’m glad we aren’t sayin- OH GOD DAMN IT!!!” You both shouted as you once more began saying the same things.

“Okay on 3 we say the things we wanted to ask each other, I mean we can’t be asking the same thing right!?” You both exclaimed.

“One”

“Two”

“THREE”

“WILL YOU GO ON A DATE WITH ME!!!... WAIT WHAAAAAT!!!” You both shouted to each other at the same time as the owners of the Coffee shop shouted “FINALLY!” and Ibuki had another one of her “Happy Freakouts”

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

But now that the set up out of the way let’s get to those headcanons

Ibuki to me seems like someone who would value emotional openness and affection over physical but only slightly

She gives wonderful hugs

Very respectful of your boundaries, preferences, and limits

That said I hope you don’t mind loud noises and early mornings

This girl loves music almost as much as she loves you and right now she’s working on something to blow you away one day

She likes giving and receiving small cutesy gifts like little animals that go on your keychain or little stickers you could put on your phone case.

She also likes more symbolic things, words of love, acts of service, things that can bond the two of you together.

You are the very first person she will ever let hear her new music (Save for one song but only because it’s something she wants to be perfect)

Her screen saver is a picture of the two of you doing something fun but relaxing together

Ibuki is very respectful of your boundaries and limits, ready to stop something IMMEDIATELY if you ask her to

Her favorite thing to do with you (That isn’t cuddling) Is slow dancing with each other (Which is surprising due to her constant Manic energy)

In summaryIbuki is lady with a very pure definition of love based on mutual respect of boundaries and of the other person in the relationship

Mahiru Koizumi

You and Mahiru probably met completely by accident 

Either by literally running into each other or because the two of you got shoved together while doing something

 At first neither of you really knew what to say to the other

So one of you decided to blurt out a really shitty joke that the other one completely understood

It snowballed from there into Mahiru asking you if you wanted to grab some food sometime

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

You opened the door of an old hole in the wall restaurant that looked like it was here before the invention of the car and walked in.

An elderly woman looked up at you before smiling and saying “I assume you are here with Koizumi-Chan correct?”

“O-oh yes I am.” You responded to the elderly woman.

“Well it’s about time that girl got herself someone good for her” The woman said before standing up from her chair and gesturing for you to follow her.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

As you followed the lady through the hall leading to what you could only assume was the dining area you noticed that both of the walls were covered in framed photographs that dated back decades

But one picture in particular caught your attention

It was a relatively new photo when compared to the others 

It showed the woman you were following except a decade or so younger

Next to her stood an elderly man which you could only assume was her husband

And on her otherside was what you could only assume was a much younger Mahiru

When you asked her about the photos the woman explained that her family and Mahiru’s mother’s family have been friends going back generations

However before you could ask her to elaborate she shooed you into the dining area where Mahiru was fidgeting

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

“Mahiru-Chan, your date is her!” The elderly woman exclaimed before turning around and walking back to the front of the restaurant

Mahiru let out a strangled noise before you sat down

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

This poor girl is about ready to hurl

She is a nervous reck

This is her first time doing anything like this

Please calm her down

Ask her about her hobbies and passions

Or something

Please!

After asking her about her hobbies and calming her down things start going well

The two of you really hit it off

Enough to get Mahiru to ask you on another one

So now with the set up done let’s get to the headcanons

To begin with things started off slow

Handholding, little dates and outings, the small things that build a strong foundation to a relationship

When she hugged you for the first time it was a big shock

She nearly killed you

Lazy and Late mornings everyday

This is probably due to the fact she has absolutely no sleep schedule

She loves taking photos of you and the places the two of you visit while she’s at work

She gives you very well thought out and useful gifts

She uses you kind of as a test group on her photos and new styles she’s experimenting with

Her screen saver is actually a pretty clever photo

Her’s shows you holding on half of a heart while yours shows her doing the same

Together your screen savers make a full photo

Her favorite memory of the two of you is when both of you had the same day off and were able to stay in bead nearly all day

In summary Mahiru is the type of person who takes things slow but that's because she wants to make sure everything is perfect with the two of you

Sorry if this isn't what you wanted!-Cosmic

[sapphim]

no pressure or anything but i’m curious since you go in the game files a lot + have a mod sorta centered on this quest, i’ve never seen anyone do this, and i don’t have access to da2 rn, do you know how best served cold like. works? if bethany/carver are both dead, sebastian is never recruited, fenris is either not recruited or hawke betrays him during his act 3 quest, anders gets kicked out of the party after his act 2 personal quest, isabela leaves at the end of act 2, and hawke has aveline, varric, and merrill with them the whole time?

does the quest still work or does it get glitchy? i suppose it might not be too difficult to get to work from a gameplay standpoint, but that seems potentially even less comprehensible than the normal quest lmao and i know the devs were under crunch

lmao I don't know about "get" glitchy, since it is already glitchy under typical circumstances. after a companion is kidnapped you can still add them to your party from the party picker and sometimes go initiate conversations with them at their party base. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

what usually happens is that there will (should!) always be a "default" option the game will be able to fall back on, even if it's not itself a "correct" option. what I mean is like, if you have two lines that play based on Hawke's gender, you wouldn't set one to play if Hawke was male and the other to play if Hawke was female, you'd set one to play if Hawke was female and then set the other to *always* play, and then if Hawke's gender wasn't registering as either male or female for whatever reason, it would still have *a* line to play, even if incorrect, rather than abruptly breaking and falling out of the conversation early.

as for how best served cold works—in Keran's dialogue where he announces which character has been kidnapped, he has a long list of lines describing the kidnapped character, with special plot flags used specifically to determine if that character is eligible to be kidnapped there. this is for the siblings and romances. if there's no sibling alive and no romanced character not in the active party, it falls through to the default, generic line "We just got word they pulled it off, right before you came here."

cut for length

if that line plays, it calls a special little bit of plot script used to determine, if a sibling or romance isn't kidnapped, then who should be kidnapped instead? I've looked at the script disassembly for this flag recently and I don't 100% understand it, but it goes thru a list of characters and checks their availability and their approval level and then picks the first one in the list that meets its requirements. there SHOULD be a fall-through state for this too in case no one passes. I know back when I was making my mod, I made my fall-through state if all the changes that *I* made failed to pick a kidnapping victim to just... call this plot flag and let IT figure it out lmfao.

still, it's very probable that they didn't ever consider this one very specific situation in which NOBODY would be eligible and now I'm curious, so I deleted most of the characters from the party pool in my save game, unset some flags that would lead the game to believe bethany and carver were available anyway, and rocked up to the warehouse with aveline, merrill, varric, and no other friends in the whole wide world to see what would happen, keran told me someone unspecified had been kidnapped, and then lying there on the beach...

was no one

and then we abruptly fell out of thrask's conversation early because the conversation was set up "improperly" with no fallback line and so Grace couldn't decide whose death to call for, leaving us all stranded standing aimlessly on the beach with no way to progress the rest of the quest or the game

which was very funny

then I checked the cnv and saw the other dialogue choice WOULD have allowed the cutscene to progress (the third dialogue option was missing from the wheel completely), tried that, found a second dialogue wheel with a missing option, and then

we abruptly fell out of the conversation here once again because there was no one to thank me for rescuing them again and, once again, no fallback line, so once again our game was softlocked

so I'd say, to answer your question, the quest does NOT work and "glitchy" is an understatement

thanks for asking!

[emptymasks]

I’ve seen a lot about your thoughts on Elisabeth and Tanz der Vampire, and they’ve been really helpful getting into those musicals! But you have a huge list of other musicals that people can get into…

So I was wondering if you had any musicals you hadn’t mentioned in a while that you really like or would like to talk about??? (preferably something from your lists that has a blue heart please?)

Oh if only you knew how long the list of European musicals really is... I however have only seen 9 (if I counted right) and I have a lot more that I still need to watch. Oh also, I only put the blue hearts on any musicals that I was providing multiple links for so people could see which version I reccoment the most highly. If a musical only had one link and didn't have a blue heart it doesn't mean I didn't like it.

I've watched: Mozart das Musical, Elisabeth das Musical, Tanz der Vampire, 3 Musketiers, Mozart L'Opéra Rock, Dracula (the Graz production), Rebecca das Musical, Roméo et Juliette and Schikaneder.

If you enjoyed those two you're likely to enjoy Rebecca! It's written by the same composer/lyricist team as Elisabeth and Mozart (and same lyricist as Tanz der Vampire - though if you're listening to any German musical, original or translated, 90% of the time the lyrics will have been done by Michael Kunze that man is everywhere). The Stuttgart production has my favourite set design of any musical! Well... Actually probably. There are so many big set pieces it's insane, way more than I've seen in some Broadway and West End musicals. You can tell so much work went into it and the visual effects that I won't spoil if you don't know the plot but if you know the plot you know what I mean by the effects at the end are so good and I didn't expect them at all and I freaked out so much the first time I watched it. Jan Ammann as Maxim in the Stuttgart production is the best Maxim. No I won't take any argument. Other actors feel a bit one-dimensional to me, but the way Maxim acts at times comes from trauma and some actors and productions seem to forget that, but Jan really goes for it and his Maxim is a lot more sympathetic and I just want to give him a hug. Pia Douwes as Mrs Danvers, if you've seen her in Elisabeth what more do I need to say, she's amazing. A musical goddess. Her Danny is a bit more wild than some, but she kills it. My favourite video, which I put the blue heart next to, has understudy Christina Patten as Ich/I, but I adore her she's my favourite. She adds some spunk to Ich in act 2 and her voice is so pretty and aaaa. I just love these three actors together in these roles.

Roméo et Juliette is another favourite of mine! It's hard to choose which one to recommend, but it has to be the original 2000/2001 production because of the sweetness and chemistry and voices of Damien Sargue and Cecilia Cara as Romeo and Juliet. They're so pretty and work together so well. The only reason I say it's hard to pick is Mercutio. I adore him, but in the original production they cut out a song they had planned for him and he doesn't really do much at all? In the 2010 revival they gave him two more songs and you care about him so much more and John Eyzen plays such a good Mercutio. So I'd recommend the original but if you want to like Mercutio more, which you should he's amazing, I'd recommend watching at least clips of John's. It's an interesting musical because all productions are non-replica and also change around the order of songs, add or take away characters, all sorts. The Hungarian production is also very popular and I'm sure it's great, I just haven't' gotten around to watching it yet.

Mozart das Musical was the first non-English language musicals I watched so I have a fondness for it, but it's not my favourite. However, I do realise I have forgotten most of the songs and the few I've gone back and listened to are better than I remember.

Dracula isn't super popular and I understand why, I don't love the plot of the Dracula/Mina romance in it, however. I do love this musical because despite how I find the plot lacking, the songs are so good! At least, I love them. And the actors are all doing a great job. And it's one of the few Dracula adaptions to keep Quincy Morris so they get bonus points for that.

Mozart L'Opéra Rock and modern French musicals... This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but they're often more like pop-rock operas now. So if you're not into musicals with that style of music it might not be for you, but I still enjoyed it even though I didn't think I would because of the style of music. Mozart and Salieri's chemistry is very good, Salieri's bisexual crisis song is iconic, actually all of Salieri's songs are iconic.

Schikaneder... eh. I didn't like it that much and I didn't really like any of the songs. There's no English subtitles, but someone sent me the entire English synopsis and I watched it with a German friend so I had double the help of understanding it. Doesn't mean others might not like it, just none of the songs stood out to me and I had no desire to listen to any of them again. It's by Steven Scharwz of Wicked fame and I love Wicked, but I didn't love this.

3 Musketiers!! God it's so underrated and not spoken about within the European musical fandom that I even forget about it and literally forgot to write about it earlier in this post. It's a Dutch musical (though did also have a German production) and it's really good!? Faces you might know are Pia Douwes as Milady de Winter, Stanley Burlseon as Cardinal Richeliu (Netherlands Der Tod in Elisabeth), Henk Poort as Athos (Netherlands Phantom and Jean Valjean). The dialgoue is funny, the songs are good, some of the set pieces have no right to exist in this tiny musical?? They made this giant boat and pelt the actors with rain just for one 5 minute song and then we never see the boat again? And while I recommend the Dutch one because Dutch musicals deserve more love and it has official English subtitles!! Official ones, not fanmade! I have the DVD and it comes with English subtitles (and Dutch and German subtitles) which is so nice. The German version is also good, good cast, Pia came back and Uwe Kroger as Richeliu and omg they rearranged the songs and the German arrangement of Nicht Aus Stein is insane and amazing and frankly iconic.

That's all of the ones I have watched. Next on my list to watch are Rudolf and Notre Dame de Paris, both of which I have listened to some songs from and already love (I've listened to way too much of Notre Dame de Paris and am so in love).

I want to start organising streams where I'll host the musical either by getting the video from Youtube or my own files and anyone who wants to join can come along and watch with us, chat with us if you want or just watch there's no pressure to chat. I thought about doing weekly streams? This would also make me finally watch some of the ones I've been meaning to for ages. But I keep wondering about time zones. I'm in the UK and would want to stream at about 11pm at the latest (11pm BST/GMT+1 as we’re in daylight savings at the moment, if the streams continue past the end of October which would be wild then I’ll make a note of the time change that would be to 11pm GMT), which I know can work for other UK and Europeans, but for any Americans would be in the afternoon. So, I wondered if doing it on a weekend would be better? Then it doesn't matter if it's in the afternoon? Maybe Saturday evenings then? It would either be Saturday evenings UK time or Friday evenings UK time. What do you guys think? If people are down then I'll make a separate post with a list of what we'll be watching each week and if anything happens to me that means I can't stream one week then everything will just get pushed back a week, but I don't see that as likely to happen. And I'll only be streaming those that have English subtitles, so don't worry about not being able to understand anything.

edit: am also open to 10pm bst if others want that, im just trying to think of what time works best for everyone so sorry if 11pm is a little late for europeans, i know 10pm could be a little early for americans. also in case it sounded like these are the only musicals i will be streaming, thats not so, ive got more than just the ones mentioned on this list!

(Tagging some people who I know are or might be interested in streams to see what you think of that plan: @sirona-art @ringwraith100 @tanz-der-trash @smilingwoland @the-weird-dane @witchgaye @ami-fidele @kisstheghouls @looking-4-happiness @ladysapphire928 @sloanedestler @tinywound @persephonaae @phoenixdewinter @uwucoffee @freshbloodandgothicism )

[gb-patch]

Ask Answers: January 28th, 2021 (Part 1)

And we’re back with many more ask answers! Thank you for waiting.

Is lizzie/the main character tripping over a rock a random event in barbecue? or does it require certain choices? i picked the same choices in multiple different playthroughs but ended up with three different outcomes (1. nothing happens 2. liz trips 3. i trip)

Yep! It’s completely random. Just a little moment of life you don’t have control over, haha.

wait just double checking you stated that derek would be another romantic interest you can pursue in step 4 right??? im just asking cuz hes my fav character 

oh wait and btw i was the one that asked the question about derek being in the step 4 just now, and will you have to pay extra for like a dlc or something bc i play the free version rn and i just wanted to check!! 

Yeah, you will eventually be able to romance him, but unfortunately it is a paid DLC. Cove is the only love interest who’s entirely free-to-play. You can  follow our social media for when we giveaways for a chance to win a key for it, though.

i know that y’all said the step 3 dlc and step 4 will be released early 2021, is there any update to that? for example, a rough amount of days/weeks until release? no pressure at all, i’m super excited!! <3 

The Step 3 DLC will be about in maybe two-two and half months or so. Step 4, we’re not entirely sure. Maybe a few months after the Step 3. We don’t want to give set dates until we’re really close to the release since otherwise we wouldn’t be able to 100% guarantee them.

First off love the game. Second I'm a little confused on how the nsfw dlc is gonna work. Because based on some stuff you've said it sounds like a patreon only thing and others make me think it could be an itch/steam thing after the fact? Would you mind clarifying for me 😅. Also if it's a patreon only thing do you need to become one before it's released? 

It’s not going to be on Steam/Itch. The actual game of Our Life is safe for teens with no adult content. Any 18+ stuff we’re releasing is separate bonus content. Right now the only for sure plan is having it available through Patreon. If there’s another hosting site that’s not Steam or Itch that’d be easier for people than Patreon we might consider uploading it there too, but nothing else is set.

If you want the bonus Moment you’d have to join once it’s already out or sometime after the release. Joining now would get you our current rewards, but wouldn’t get you future content that’s coming later.

this is probably an awkward question and i apologize, feel free not to answer, but i just wanted to address the elephant in the room....will step 4 acknowledge covid/2020 world events?? i kind of hope not bc i'd like to just exist in a fictional version of the world where things are happy in this quaint seaside town and the world isn't falling apart, but i'd understand if there are some references to it. just thought i'd ask so i can Prepare if that makes sense

Step 4 isn’t going to include Covid or even reference it. When we set Step 4 in that year we definitely didn’t know there’d be a global pandemic during it. It’s too late to move the timeframe earlier or later, but we’re not going to make Step 4 stressful for anyone because the real world became so much more stressful. The universe of Our Life will just be an even more idealized place than it was before.

hiiiii! i'm really sorry if this is a bother. i was just curious if cove has a canon setting for each step, like is it canon that he stays candid the whole game and is super sporty for instance and the rest are variations? thank you for your time!

None of those settings are canon. They’re all equally valid.

I love the game and Cove so much that I ended up spending most of the holidays playing it. Definitely worth it! Idk if you're taking suggestions/criticisms, but I chose the peach skin tone and seeing it written as "my peach skin" in the game broke immersion for me because I kept thinking it was referring to the fruit instead of my skin color. I think that skin color is most commonly referred to as "fair" but "peachy" or "rosy" would work too if you're looking for a different word 

Thank you for sharing your experience. We’ll change it to “peachy” in the next update!

So I accidentally overwrote a save file with a different one, is there any way I can recover that save? 

Sadly, there isn’t. Not unless you had a backup of the actual save file files in a separate location you can get. I’m really sorry. You can try using the skip feature to quickly speed through the game and get back to where you were though.

Do you try to maintain the color scheme for the clothing throughout the years in Our Life? 

Yes, though in hindsight not as much as I wished I did, haha. It could’ve been a little more cohesive. It was a bit too broad in my opinion.

I noticed that Cliff mentions he wasn’t much older than Cove before finding out he was going to be a father when he finds MC in bed with Cove during Part 3 so doesn’t that Cliff and Kyra were teenage/young parents? 

Yeah, Cliff was nineteen and Kyra was eighteen when Cove was born. They were just a couple of kids.

Does Cove have a favourite holiday? 

It changes depending on the year. Around Step 1 he’s not a huge fan of a lot of holidays because he’s not together with his whole family for them. But once he’s older and Kyra comes around more, he starts appreciating major family holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas more than other holidays because he knows how it feels not to have that. Though summer vacation is of course his most favorite all the time, if that counts as a “holiday”.

I tried to join your patreon but I can’t seem to? The website keeps saying something went wrong and to try again. 

I’m sorry you’re having trouble! I think contacting Patreon support would probably be the best option if the joining process itself is having issues.

How much is it to become a part of your Patreon? I don’t have a lot of money currently but would love to help you out more than just buying the games and dlcs. 

Aw, I appreciate you wanting to support but the Patreon is really optional. You don’t need to push yourself to join if you don’t have extra funds for it. To still answer the question, the tiers are $1, $5, $10, $15, and $20 in USD. Each come with different perks.

I had this idea for a future daughter for the MC and Cove being named "Poppy", after the flowers on their hill~

That’s a really sweet idea! I’m sure Cove would be a fan.

So if you don't mind me asking, how do you get Cove to propose to you in Step 4 and not the other way around? 

I’m afraid that’d be too big of a spoiler to give away before the epilogue’s release, at least in terms of specifics. Generally you’ll just have to be patient and try not to propose first, haha.

will we get to move in with cove in step 4 😮?? or is that a secret 

You can be living together with Cove in Step 4! Though you wouldn’t get to see the place itself. That’s up to your imagination.

Is it bad that I'm completely in love with Cove's dad... What I gotta pay to romance Cliff 😭 (I don't mean as Jamie because that would be wack) 

That’ll cost one million 20 twenty dollar bills, haha. I’m really glad you like him, though sadly we aren’t able to make a separate game where you can romance Cliff. I wish we had enough time to make tons of new scenes/extra stories in the Our Life world, but it just takes too long. Maybe people will make fanworks about it.

—–

We released a new FAQ! It answers common questions and we’ll keep adding more to it. Please check there before sending an ask. FAQ   Also, if you prefer to just see the main posts without all the asks/reblogs, feel free to follow our side account instead: GB Patch Updates Blog  

[chris-evans-indian-fanfic]

Love

One-Shot

Description: Asexual!Bucky thinks he is broken beyond repair, until you show him that he has been complete all this while.

Warnings: Angst, bad language, mention of sex toys, romance and fluff

@jtargaryen18 organised a writing challenge for reaching 4k followers and of course I have to participate multiple times! 😍 I am sorry this entry is a little late 🙈

My Main Masterlist

A/N: This is the first time I am writing an asexual character. Whatever I have written is based upon my knowledge that I have gathered by reading various articles and posts on asexuality. The reason I am writing this is because I want to have an equal amount of straight and LGBTQ+ stories in my masterlist, so that there's something for everyone to enjoy. Hence, if you are an asexual person or know someone who is, and you realise that anything in my story is incorrectly represented, then please let me know. I will immediately correct it, issue an apology and accept my mistake publicly. 

I don’t consent to have any of my work published or featured on any third party app, website or translated. If you are seeing this fanfiction anywhere but Tumblr and AO3, it has been reposted without my permission. In that case, please do share the link and let me know.

…

"I cannot fucking believe this!" Karen shouted, "What are you like gay or something?"

Bucky winced at her venomous words. "You need to leave," he said in a quiet, respectful tone.

"Like hell I am going to leave. I want answers!" she placed her hands on her hips and stomped her foot. "What is it? Am I not sexy enough for you? Are you not attracted by this?!" she gestured towards the skimpy lingerie currently hugging her body.

Bucky met her eyes as he responded, "I do not want to have sex with you." 

She huffed, clearly not convinced, "Why not? We have been going out for what, 3 months now? And you still don't want to have sex with me? What is the issue here? Is it-" she paused suddenly, her eyes traveling down his torso to his crotch, "You can't get it up can you?" she sneered.

Bucky shook his head, too exhausted to deal with her, "Karen, it's nothing like that. I just do not want to get physical with you. That's all."

"Oh! Ooooohh!" she bent backwards a bit, "So it was fine to hug me, cuddle with me and hold my hands. But when it comes to sex, you suddenly become a pious celibate saint! What the fuck Bucky?"

Bucky sighed, and handed Karen back her coat, "We are done. Please leave."

She laughed dryly, "Oh abso-fucking-lutely we are done. You know what I think?" she asked while wearing the coat, "I think that you are too old grandpa and that your tiny ass tortured gay dick cannot salute on its own. Because no man in his right mind would deny this," she again pointed to herself. "Super-soldier my ass," she muttered as she left.

The door to his apartment closed with a loud bang, leaving an echo in its wake. Bucky stood still, rooted to his spot. If it were not for the silent tears rolling down his cheeks, anybody could have mistaken him for a statue. 

Slowly, he sat on the floor, his gentle sobs rocking his body as he hugged his knees. 

Decades of torture by the hands of Hydra had left him crippled, physically, mentally and emotionally. When he had been saved by Steve, he had started to piece his life back together, bit by bit. Things such as books, movies, music became tiny jigsaw pieces that slowly filled the void in his life. 

After the final galactic battle with Thanos, Bucky had been officially initiated to the Avengers team, or rather what was left of it. The team soon became an extended family, a family that Bucky was still getting used to. It was especially irksome when Sam and Scott decided to set him up on a date with Karen from Research & Development (R&D), despite his protests.

It wasn't that Bucky didn't desire a relationship. He wanted to be close to someone, experience romance, feel their heartbeat in a close embrace and place light kisses on their forehead. 

But he didn't want to have sex.

At first, he thought he might not have met the right woman. So he searched for porn online, which did little to sway his feelings. He put the issue on a backburner, the safety of the people and the urgency of his missions steering the wheel of his life for a while. 

But when Sam and Scott proudly announced their grand plans for Bucky's date, he remembered his "issue" again. He looked at Karen closely whenever they went on dates together. She looked perfect. Beautiful hair, soft glowing skin, curves in all the right places, all packed in a graceful, slender body.

Bucky liked being close to her, but he was still not getting aroused. Hence, he stopped her advancements everytime she tried to get physical. Karen tolerated it for a while, before her patience wore out tonight.

As the sun rose in the sky, Bucky was still seated on the floor, his cheeks now stained with tears that had stopped sometime in the night, though a sniff escaped from him every few minutes. He looked at the sunlight pouring in from the window, broken by the window-panes, landing at his feet in two rays with a comforting warmth. It was in that moment that Bucky realised, Hydra had truly broken him.

🏳️‍🌈

"We have various types of dildos available. There's The Classic, Textured, Long and Thin, Short and Thick, Vibrators, Transparent Plexiglass Dildos, Strap-Ons, G-Spot Dildos, Double-Ended, Squirting Dildos and ones that also come with a suction grip. Are you looking for yourself or are you looking for something to enjoy with your partner?" the helpful saleswoman asked you.

You stroked your chin in thought, "It's only for me. I already have a vibrator that I bought about a year back. The G-Spot ones have never really worked for me. I am looking to try something new. What is the suction grip one?" 

The attendant handed you the dildo and showed you the suction grip at the end of it, "You can use this to place and stick it on any flat surface you want, whether it's the floor or the wall or the side of your desk. It guarantees a completely hands-free pleasurable experience."

You stuck it on the wall besides the showcase to test the theory. It worked. "Neat! I will take this one," you smiled as the attendant went to fetch a fresh piece.

You paid for your new sex toy and walked back to the Avengers compound with your small white shopping bag in tow.

When you reached your desk, you heard Karen bitching as usual about something to Jessica. At first, you blocked them out like you did almost everyday, but then a name in their conversation caught your attention.

"He's the Winter Soldier alright. He's completely frozen down there," Karen whispered loudly with disgust. 

"Even that red sexy lingerie didn't do anything for him?" Jessica gasped dramatically.

"No!"

"That's crazy! That hot-red piece will convert even the most gayest of the guys! And it didn't do anything for him? Wow," Jessica responded.

Karen added, "You know something? I have always thought he was extremely weird. Like, dude, I know you were tortured by Hydra or whatever, but get over it man! It's been years since he was free. He should enjoy life and stop being such a wimp. I am 100% sure he is impotent."

"You know I was digging into him the other night," Jessica said in a hushed whisper, "and I saw a message board online which suggested that his penis has been completely cut by Hydra. This person knows all such secrets about these alleged superheros. You should follow him."

"What is his username?"

"Proud-Flat-Earther-MotherFuckers. Wait, I will send you the link," Jessica offered. 

Having heard enough of their nonsense, you made your way towards the HR department. Maybe both Karen and Jessica had forgotten, but talking about the personal lives of Avengers was strictly against the rules and was considered as reason enough to fire employees. 

You filed a complaint with the HR and within a few hours, both the women were fired on the spot. You savored the moment with relish, as their faces turned aghast at the realisation that their actions had consequences. You went up to them, watching the pair clean their desks, with unabashed glee. 

"You know something Karen?" you asked her, "Just because a man refuses to have sex, it didn't mean that he's a wimp, or gay or an impotent. But if you do choose to think of him that way, then it surely makes you a sexiest and a homophobic person."

Karen looked at you furiously, "You bitch! I lost my job because you went and blabbed in front of the HR!"

You chuckled at her outburst, "Oh my dearest Karen. Yes I did go and rat you out to the HR. But that's not what got the two of you fired."

"Then what did?" Jessica asked as she joined the conversation. 

You folded your hands for effect, "Your hateful comments and toxic views cost you your jobs. People like you think that just by using the latest iPhone or following the latest trends, you are a modern, 21st century person. But in reality, it is your open mindset which makes you a member of the modern society. If you would open your mind just as much as you open your legs, trust me, the two of you will be much better off."

You turned to leave, but stopped yourself, "Just a suggestion. Stop using words like gay and impotent as insults. It will help you retain your next job for a longer time." You winked at their speechless faces, and happily returned to your desk. 

Your job in R&D was taxing and so, you always found yourself working late. Today was no exception either. As you left your office at around 8pm, you saw Bucky heading towards the elevator which led to his apartment. You always had a soft spot for the brunette super-soldier. For starters, you couldn't even begin to comprehend the tortures he must have endured in his past. And the fact that he was trying to piece his life back together again? It was truly commendable.

He always kept to himself, his eyes downcast and his body language unsure. And after what you had heard today, you felt even more sorry for the guy. Turning towards the cafeteria, you picked up a box of vanilla-strawberry French macarons for him, thanking the heavens above for the free food available at the Avengers compound. You held the white bag with macarons in your left hand, being mindful of not confusing it with the similar white bag in your right which contained your new sex toy. 

A few moments later, you found yourself in front of his apartment. You had visited him twice before to adjust his vibranium arm or to sort out a few tweaks, but never before had you visited him so late in the evening. 

You knocked, feeling a little hesitant as you did so. He was surprised to find you standing on the opposite of the door, however, he still greeted you courteously nonetheless. 

Before you could state your reason for the visit, he said sincerely, "I heard what you did today. Thank you. I really appreciated it."

Now it was your turn to be surprised, "Oh. Ummm. It's okay really Mr Barnes. It was nothing. You don't need to-"

"No. It wasn't just nothing. You could have turned a deaf ear and ignored them. Yet you chose to stand-up for me. Thank you," a small smile laced his face and you melted on the spot.

You had a crush on Bucky. A BIG one. Could anyone blame you? This guy was a hot, sexy mess of an ice-cream sundae that left you hungry for more even on the coldest nights of the year. 

You realised you were staring into his steel-blue eyes like a creep, and immediately cleared your throat. "What-what they did was wrong. Karen had no right to demean you for your desires or lack of them. I-," you sighed, "I am sorry for what she said. It was disrespectful and hurtful. So I brought you something that I hope will cheer you up."

You awkwardly raised your right hand, "I got you some vanilla-strawberry macarons from the cafeteria."

Bucky did cheer up a bit at the mention of his favourite food. He eagerly took the bag with a huge smile, "Thank you," he said once again as you shook your head. "Thank you for everything you do to keep us safe Mr Barnes. I must be on my way now. Goodnight," and with that you left, grinning like an idiot.

🏳️‍🌈

You took a bath, ate your dinner and slipped into comfortable pyjamas. Excited to try your new sex toy tonight, you unpacked the bag expecting to see the nondescript box of the dildo. Instead, 5 delicious macarons stared back at you with innocence. 

You stumbled backwards in shock, the impact of your action settling like a dull, heavy weight in your stomach. "Oh no no no no," you whispered, horrified.

You immediately rushed to your window and pulled aside the curtain to look at Bucky's building, as if expecting to see him staring daggers at you. One of the privileges of working with the Avengers? You got to stay in a nice apartment within the compound itself. Your residential complex was a little further away from the main building, covered easily by 15 minutes of walking. 

Feeling hyper, you frantically searched for a coat and almost ran out of your house. You rushed back in to keep the box in the bag and again, dashed towards the elevator. 

Hoping that Bucky would have yet to open the box, you sent a silent prayer to all the gods and goddesses in the skies above, even Thor. Meh, you never know when an ex-Avenger could be of help.

You sprinted towards the other building, a multitude of thoughts clouding your mind- What if he was offended by it? Would he file a complaint against me? It would be sorta ironic if I was fired for this! Shit he would think my apology was false and I am probably mocking him.

You reached his apartment, a panting, huffing mess of a person. You knocked frantically, his door shaking with force at your desperation. However, you jumped as Bucky whispered your name from behind you, "Are you okay? What's going on?" he asked with concern as you turned around to face him.

"Did-did you op-open the bo-ox?" you questioned him while panting like a dog. 

He furrowed his brows in response, "No I was planning to open it in a few minutes. Please tell me what's going on. Why do you look so scared?"

You bent over double, your stomach cramping thanks to your impromptu running, "Thi-this is your bag," you held up the package, "That ba-bag is mine."

"Okay," Bucky said slowly, still unsure of your behaviour, "Should I open the door to retrieve your bag?"

You nodded as he stepped aside, "Why are you not wearing any shoes?"

You looked down at your feet at his query, small blades of grass had stuck to your naked feet along with dirt. "I was in a hur-hurry to get to you," you managed to say between your breaths.

Bucky just nodded in response. It was then that you noticed the pack of paper tissues in his hand. He opened the door and stepped inside, beckoning you to follow him. He pointed to the white bag kept on the table while he looked at it with worry. "Will it explode?" he solicited.

"Uhh no," you replied awkwardly.

"Is it dangerous?" curiosity etched on Bucky's face as you swapped the bags.

"No, it's nothing like that," you looked down at your feet, feeling the heat rush to your cheeks with embarrassment.

He narrowed his eyes, "Then what is it?"

"I can't tell you," you quietly admitted, "but here are your macarons. I am really sorry for this. Didn't mean to disturb you from whatever you had planned," you pointed to the box of tissues still in his hand. 

Bucky noticed the underlying question in your statement, "I was about to watch a movie. So needed these to clear the mess."

Your eyes went wide at his sincerity. While you had a crush on him, you definitely did not want to know about Bucky's late night masturbation adventures. Shaking your head, you raised your hands and started walking backwards, "I am sorry I disturbed your nightly… activities. I get out of your hair."

"Actually, would you like to join me for the movie?" Bucky asked hopefully, "We have the macarons and you seem like you need to calm your nerves."

You were surprised for the third time that day. Did Bucky just ask you to masturbate with him? Or have sex while eating the macarons? Or did he want to eat them after you guys have had sex? A flurry of questions swirled in your mind as you stared at him with a slightly open mouth. 

Bucky interpreted your gaze and stumbled to clarify himself, "As friends! Would you like to watch a movie with me as a friend?"

You slowly nodded your affirmation, "Yeah okay. Which movie are we watching?" 

"The Notebook," he revealed with a smile, "It's an extremely emotional movie. Ummm what's the term? Tear-jerker? Uhh yeah, it's a real tear-jerker of a movie."

"Oh so that's why…" you pointed at the tissues. "Yeah," he confirmed, "I tend to cry a lot while watching that movie. And… ummm… I am the kind of person who cries ugly. You know, all tears and snot. So yeah… I need the whole box."

"That's… that's actually sweet," you smiled, "Trust me you are not alone. I start crying as soon as the titles appear on the screen."

He got excited at your confession, "Yes! Exactly! It's because you know what's going to come and you are just mentally preparing yourself."

You chuckled with him in affirmation as he led you further into his apartment.

You freshened up a bit in his washroom, making sure to clean your feet and the residue on your face from the sweat.

Bucky was standing besides your bag when you entered the living room, "Now that we are friends," he intoned, "will you please tell me what's inside of this?"

You sighed, "Mr Barnes-." 

"Bucky," he corrected you and you smiled. 

"Will you promise me you will not take any offense or be insulted by it? I really did not mean to swap the bags."

"I trust you," Bucky said with assurance.

"It's…it is a sex toy," you mumbled quietly. Any normal human wouldn't have heard you, but Bucky's enhanced hearing caught your words flawlessly. 

He took a moment to process your words, and finally, to your amazement, burst out laughing. 

You sheepishly smiled at his reaction as your heart felt a little lighter. "That is embarrassing," he agreed with a wide grin. 

The two of you settled on the couch as Bucky's chuckles lessened. He kept the box of macarons between you two, but hesitated to begin the movie.

You sensed his curiosity, and clarified, "I haven't been in a relationship in a very long time. It's been… 2 years I guess… since my last breakup." You took a deep breath, "And my job doesn't exactly leave a lot of time on my hands for dating or one-night-stands."

Bucky seemed to consider your words for what felt like a long time. Finally, he asked quietly, "What does it feel like? To… to want another person… sexually?"

You blinked your eyes, thinking you must have misheard him. But then, his gaze met yours, and you knew his question was sincere.

"It feels like…," you raked your mind in search for the appropriate words, "...like your entire body is on fire, and you need the touch of the other person to quench your thirst. Like, just for a few moments, you want to shut your mind, and let your body think for you."

Bucky nodded slowly as you finished, "But what if you feel that in your heart? And not for your body?"

You squint your eyes at his question, "What do you mean Bucky?"

He placed his head in his hands, "I just… I don't feel like that with anyone. I mean, I don't want to have sex. Trust me I have tried everything. Literally everything. Still I don't feel aroused… I am broken, aren't I? Because this is abnormal, right? No matter how hard I try I will never be normal."

Your heart shattered at his words. You had heard about his horrid nightmares, but to think that he was struggling to accept himself, thinking that he was broken, even when he had so much love to give, was depressing. You could not just stand by and watch.

Gently, you placed a hand on his shoulder, "Bucky, look at me." When he didn't comply, you urged him, "Bucky, you are not broken. It is completely normal to not have any sexual desires."

"No it's not," he scoffed.

"Yes it is," you coerced him, "Do you know what is asexuality? It is the complete absence of sexual desires. Many people-"

He interrupted you, "There is no such thing. You are making this up."

"I am not," you replied indignantly, "Research indicates that more than 1% of the American population is asexual. Also, experts believe that more people might be asexuals because they think that they "haven't found the right person yet"," you ended with air quotes.

With no reaction from him, you sighed and got up, "Do yourself a favour. Use the internet and learn about asexuality. It will help put your mind at ease." You left after giving that piece of advice.

Bucky stayed in the same position for a few moments after your departure. He nibbled on a macaron as he considered the movie playing in front of him. Unable to focus, he promptly shut it all and carried the box to his bed. The macarons disappeared into his mouth as he tossed and turned, feeling restless. 

There was no way asexuality was a thing. If it was, then how come there were no movies, tv shows or even advertisements on asexuality? That's because it wasn't normal, right? Maybe you had just lied to him to make him feel better? Maybe you took pity on him?

He looked at his phone on the table near the tv set, your final words repeating in his head in a loop. The combination of tiredness and laziness encouraged him to take your advice in the morning.

🏳️‍🌈

You didn't see Bucky for 3 days after your fateful encounter with him. The fact that you still had your job at the Avengers Tower meant that he hadn't filed a complaint yet with the HR. And for that you were grateful. Friday came and you found yourself working late, again. It was around 10pm and you were still in your lab, almost done with the work. That's when you heard the small swoosh of the lab doors opening and closing.

You looked up from your table, and found Bucky staring intently at you with his blue eyes. He cleared his throat and tentatively took a step towards you. "You were right," he said slowly, "I researched online, read a few articles and spoke with the in-house therapist. I am an," he took a deep breath, "an asexual."

You closed your laptop and smiled at his confession, "How are you feeling now?"

"Honestly? A little bit better. I feel somewhat free," he admitted while gripping the white bag in his hand a little bit tighter.

"That's great! I am so proud of the progress you have made," you beamed at him, but sensed his hesitance as you neared him.

"What's wrong?" you gently inquired.

"You are… not… I mean… by any chance… asexual?" he winced at his own question.

You chuckled lightly, "No I am not."

"Ahh, then it's okay," he murmured and turned as if to leave.

You stopped him by placing a hand on his firm bicep, "What's going on?"

He shifted on his feet, visibly uncomfortable and anxious, "I was just… no nevermind it's stupid."

"Bucky," you said his name in a stern voice.

He sighed again, "I thought… I mean I owe you a movie because… of that night… and so… you know… would you like to watch it? The movie? But why would you? You deserve better… you are not an asexual. You are normal. Why would you want to go on a date with me?" he finally ended his mumbling.

You looked at him with squinted eyes, trying to decipher what he had muttered. "Did you just say you would like to go on a date with me? But it was stupid because you are an asexual and I am normal?" you blinked as he nodded.

"Who told you that you are not normal?" you asked him, a little irritated, "Bucky look at me." This time he complied, "You. Are. Normal. As normal as me, as the other Avengers or as anybody else in the world. Do not, for even one goddamn second, think that there's something wrong with you because there isn't. Are you listening to me? Am I clear?" you wagged your forefinger at him.

Amused at your outburst, he nodded with a sheepish grin. Clearing his throat, he asked you again, "Would you like to watch a movie with me tomorrow? As a date?"

You placed your hands on your waist, "Yes."

His grin widened as he asked you the next question, "Still mad at me?"

"Uh-huh."

"Maybe these cupcakes will help," he shyly held up the white bag in front of you, "I made sure they were cupcakes," he added with a smirk.

You graciously accepted the bag, "Cupcakes will always help."

"Great! It's a date then. Tomorrow… at 4pm? My apartment?" Bucky suggested.

You agreed, and he left with a goodbye. As soon as he was out of sight, you opened the box, expecting to see the usual cupcakes inside. Instead, you found that the sweet treats were decorated with cute messages such as "U R Cute" , "Be Mine?" , "So Sweet" and so on. Feeling mushy at his adorable gesture, you bit into the sweet treat as you headed back to your apartment.

The next day, you made sure to wear a purple dress, complete with black, grey and white accessories - the colours of the asexual flag. Bucky beamed at you as he welcomed you into his apartment. He had made a snack mix from popcorn, crispy pretzels, chips and nachos, the perfect accompaniment to any movie according to him, and you couldn't agree more.

The pair of you watched The Notebook in silence, except for a few sobs and sniffs here and there and the straight up bawling during the emotional parts of the movie.

After a while, the film ended but your date continued. The two of you talked about everything, right from the meaningful discussions about the government policies to random questions like "which mythical creature would you be and why?"

Soon, it was time for you to head back to your apartment. Bucky offered to walk you and you happily agreed. But before you left, he asked you nervously, "Would you like to have a second date?"

"I would love to," you beamed, "Which movie should we watch the next time?"

He ran his hand in his somewhat disheveled hair, "Uhh… I actually made a date jar. Wait, I will get it."

He brought over a glass jar, filled with tiny bits of folded paper, "I thought we could have dates that start from each English alphabet. We can pick and choose at random from the jar."

Tears pricked the corner of your eyes again at his thoughtful and romantic gesture. You gingerly picked one note from the jar, excited for the adventure that awaited the two of you.

🏳️‍🌈

It took more than 2 years for the pair of you to finish every date in the date jar, except for one. Whether it was jet-skiing in the ocean, taking classes for flamenco dance, him teaching you self-defense or going on a wildlife safari together, you and Bucky finally got through it all. Only the letter "P" was now left.

In these 2 years, any distance between the two of you had practically vanished. Bucky was comfortable in removing his bionic arm in front of you. Moreover, he had started sharing everything with you. Right from his darkest and disturbing nightmares to a pretty butterfly that he may have seen during his missions, Bucky made it a point to ensure that you were a part of his life, and you had absolutely no complaints.

The two of you had also discussed about your sexual desires, and Bucky had been comfortable with you using your sex toys as and when you wished.

Bucky was the perfect boyfriend anybody could ask for. He was considerate, thoughtful, a hardcore feminist and gave the best foot-rubs in the world. And so you were nervous. Nervous because the two of you had never actually sat down to talk about the nature of your relationship. And as the day of the last date loomed nearer, your anxiety increased. At first, you thought of making a second date jar, but he had quickly dismissed the idea, stating that he would be caught up with multiple things after the last date ended.

As you sat in the car that Bucky had sent for you, your apprehension grew. Bucky always picked you up, however this time, he had asked you to come alone in the car. Maybe he wanted to break up with you?

By the time you reached the park it was pitch black. You were sure Bucky had paid the guards to keep the gates of the park open just for you.

As soon as you entered, you saw the pathway lined with 25 lamp posts, leading you towards a breathtaking archway decorated with fairy lights and your favourite flowers.

On every lamp post, a photograph of the two of you - which were taken on your dates - was stuck along with a note. The notes described how he fell in love with you over and over again on every single date. Your progress was slow, as read each of his meticulously written words with tears in your eyes. You collected all of his notes and the photographs, and finally headed towards the lit archway.

When you entered it, the instrumental notes of the song "All of Me" by John Legend reached your ears.

You walked ahead and reached a bend. Upon crossing it, you were showered with rose petals as the live music grew louder. And at the end of the archway, your boyfriend, James Buchanan Barnes, was standing in a tuxedo, looking as sinfully good as the forbidden fruit. The entire area around him was lit with soft fairy lights that cascaded gracefully between tall lamp posts. Even on the ground, small wooden lamps illuminated the grass across the area. A live band was playing the music and your Bucky was standing with the most gorgeous bouquet of red roses that you had ever seen.

Your vision turned blurry as you started crying, and looking at your tears, he started sobbing as well. "No no no I can't cry now," he managed to say between his sobs while giving you his handkerchief, "I have to do this."

He got down on one knee and took your hand in his. You both laughed as you started crying harder. He took a deep breath and said your name, "These 2 years have been the most magical years of my life. You have accepted me as who I am, what I am, and never once tried to change me or make fun of me for it. I never thought I would be treated with the amount of respect that-" he started crying, unable to finish his sentence.

You sat beside him and handed him your kerchief. "Yes," you said with a tear-stained smile.

"Let me ask you first!" he exclaimed between his sobs.

You laughed and wiped your snot as he cleared his throat, "I love you so much. You are the only one I want to-" he started crying again.

"Yes!" you answered his unsaid question.

"I haven't asked you yet!" he exclaimed again as the two of you giggled between your sobs.

"Okay c'mon Bucky you can do this," he muttered to himself as you beamed at him. "Okay," he looked into your eyes and whispered your name, "Will you do me the honour of marrying me and becoming my wife?"

You choked up at finally hearing the words. Rendered speechless, you could only nod as fresh tears escaped your eyes.

"You have to say yes!" he almost shouted with excitement.

"Yes! Yes! Yes!!" you matched his enthusiasm as he slipped a ring onto your finger. His large arms then engulfed you in a bear hug, wrapping you in a safe and secure space for eternity to come.

Permanent tag: @donutloverxo @notyourtypicalrose @just-one-ordinary-fangirl

Bucky taglist: @loustan90

Taglist open! Just comment, send an ask or message!

[davidmann95]

How'd you like the new Death Metal special (and, more broadly, this week's comics)?

pretenderoftheeast said: Comics this week (12/9/2020)?

Batman: Black and White #1: The first of a platter of anthologies today:

* The Tynion/Moore story is predictably fire.

* JHIII is JHIII. Also he does a really nice surprising story about how Batman’s relating to this moment of the time, but let’s be real, you’re here because JHIII, and be assured he is JHIII as helllll here and it’s great.

* Dini/Kubert plays as the former building a story around accommodating requests by the latter, but that’s not a bad thing, and glad to see Kubert’s kept up the pace since his DK3/Up In The Sky creative rejuvenation.

* Ok I’m a philistine who has no idea what that Emma Rios thing was about but it was certainly pretty.

* Wilson doing Batman is surprisingly disappointing, but Smallwood doing Batman definitely isn’t.

DC’s Very Merry Multiverse: Not a very merry time! I hate to say it given this should be so geared to my interests, but this is the weakest overall effort we’ve gotten from one of DC’s quarterly anthologies in a good long while, at least among those I’ve picked up. Not to say it’s a dud, there are several nifty little stories in here including the much-hyped first appearance of Kid Quick (destined to become the Flash of Future State) and really almost everything here reaches ‘pretty okay’. But for $10, and a creative space that should reach so much more than ‘pretty okay’, I don’t know that this is a justifiable recommendation unless you’re understandably desperate for all the President Superman content you can get your hands on.

Tales of the Dark Multiverse: Flashpoint: I’m surprised I got it too, but the preview grabbed me and in practice it was a fun, mean little high-concept adventure of Reverse Flash being a total cock.

Wonder Woman #768: Credit where it is due, this has been getting a bit better in its closing stretch.

Dark Nights: Death Metal: The Last Stories of the DC Universe: This ruled. Obviously there was the one story folks are most interested in, but almost all of the tales in here lived up to being a ‘final’ story of sorts for their leads.

* The Titans bookenders were pretty nice even if it’s hilarious that their big rallying cry basically amounts to “by god, our book may be shit, but we’re valuable IP so we’ll never be cancelled!”

* Green Lantern is basically an epilogue to Johns’ run sans the baggage of bringing back Johns (that we get in two weeks with Secret Origin and god forgive me I’m so looking forward to that), and definitely one of my favorite efforts from Lemire.

* Wonder Woman’s the stinker in what’s nominally her own event. I can parse the roots of most bad Superman stories one way or another, but I just can’t understand what’s behind most bad Wonder Woman stories beyond that the people handling it simply don’t give a shit.

* Astonishingly, the Green Arrow and Black Canary chapter in here might be my favorite of the bunch? Simone at her best, a really sweet slice of playful, sincere romance about two characters I’m not by default invested in but ended up quite caring for here.

* This Aquaman story is everything I generally hate in Aquaman stuff, a big long maudlin speech about the weight of the world as he swims through a black featureless ocean, except here between the real heart Sebela brings to the script and the mood artist Christopher Mooneyham manages to evoke, it all clicks together.

* The Batman Family story feels like it can’t quite make its pacing work, but it’s still a heartfelt little ode to the theoretical power of the concept.

* Hey, that Mark Waid guy? Turns out he can write him some Superman. It’s not perhaps the total barnburner you might have expected - I imagine he’s saving his biggest hits for later - but it’s a very solid execution of a gangbusters concept, and Manapul steals the show with absolutely sensational, gorgeous scenic Superman imagery. I’mma say 60/40 in favor of them doing a Superman project together on either a main book or Black Label (I know Manapul was supposed to be locked into a creator-owned thing with Scott Snyder but that was ages ago), because this is a paring that’s yielded some immediate results and I imagine everyone knows it. And given my upbringing, nice to see a big, iconic, beautiful Superman story with him rocking the mullet.

Anonymous said: Haha holy shit Crossover is literally Cates taking that page where Spawn meets all the corporate heroes locked up and spinning it out into a series

Anonymous said: Does Crossover #2 hold the crown for the funniest, dumbest, most baffling opening page ever?

Crossover #2: Readers I’m not too big to admit I laughed my ass off at the first page, and at least a little bit for the actual reasons intended. The sense of homaging that Spawn scene in the context of a book about “Gosh, isn’t IP the best folks?”, or Cates’ dialogue...(shall we say) proving why he likes the concept of ellipses enough to name a character after them aside though? That it’s already crossed the line with its central metaphor from “indefensibly insensitive in its ridiculous self-centeredness” to “out-and-out cartoonishly offensive” somehow actually makes it more rather than less palatable; there’s no longer the secondhand embarrassment of waiting to see how bad Cates is going to handle this, it simply is the worst it could possibly be and readers have to accept and perhaps revel in the sight of him stepping on rake after rake. I cannot wait for him to finally give an interview on this book where he explains what the hell he thinks this looks like, and I hope my dad keeps somehow enjoying it forever because I totally wanna see what pit this descends to next.

Penultiman #3: This is absolutely agonizing and probably the most relatable take on a ‘superman’ ever.

Home Sick Pilots #1: A new creator-owned book from Dan Watters (whose big two credits include the stupendous “Afraid of America” with John Paul Leon in the last Batman Secret Files, and the upcoming Future State: Superman/Wonder Woman) and Peter Cannon’s Caspar Wijngaard, this new book set against the backdrop of a Californian high school’s punk scene in 1994 describes itself as “Power Rangers meets The Shining (yes, really)”. The former influence isn’t much in play yet, but thus far this is a book that merges building tension and freewheeling dopey teen bullshit to an extent that’s subtly impressive as hell, and seems likely to proudly take a place among the current horror comic renaissance.

Warhammer 40,000: Marneus Calgar #3: Ok again I don’t have any experience with this franchise but you’d better believe that cultural osmosis was enough that I popped for BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD! SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE!

King in Black: Namor #1: Kurt Busiek’s return to Marvel...sucks? Such is the power of Knull I guess even if he doesn’t manifest within the actual story here, this is a complete nothing of a comic and I’m not tuning in for issue #2.

Avengers #39: Eh, I’m not liking Aaron Avengers when it gets remotely serious nearly as much as when he’s doing stuff like having them finally help Blade with all those vampires or Captain America assisting with the delivery of an exploding space-baby in the back of a muscle car.

Anonymous said: That new Guardians of the Galaxy was something else. What do you think the odds are that Comic Books, with a decade or two of hindsight, recognizes Ewing as one of the best to ever do it?

Guardians of the Galaxy #9: I lack much context here beyond recalling from an interview that this is Ewing’s way of grappling with the ideas from Steve Englehart’s original unrealized vision of Star-Lord’s character arc, but wherever it stems from this is a hell of a comic.

S.W.O.R.D. #1: This is everything I’ve wanted from the non-Hickman X-books since the moment HoXPoX ended, and so much more, and also it is basically hilarious that Ewing is all but explicitly using his clout to force Marvel to let him to Ultimates3 under a currently cancellation-proof banner. Most importantly of all, Ewing has already mastered the subtle art of writing not merely Magneto, but the infinitely superior Jonathan Hickman Magneto. And good lord Schiti and Gracia, I already knew they were top-tier but these pages’d make a grown man cry.

[seekeroftruthpromestein]

Welp. Paradox time.It’s the Finale.

Yikes. Last campground....

That doesn’t bode well...

Here they are. All my friends. I’ve traveled with them for this long. We’re near the end of the game. Who knows what will happen... 

Promestein. You’ve been a very interesting character to see through this game. Seeing you young kind of shows you were always a fucked up kid. But, you have a good heart. And you now have a found family. You’re no longer a lone wolf salvaging through a dark world. You have us. And we’re happy to have you and alllow you to examine this bright new world.

Nuruko. I sadly didn’t get to know you too well and I’ll be sure to remedy that next game. But you were an interesting little thing. 

I wouldn’t have pegged you as a main character honestly but hey. I’m glad your here. You were another person that I’ll have to be sure to bring next time because I feel you probably have lots of interesting insight. 

Pope. You are DEF going to be in my next group. You were one of the most exciting twists i’ve ever seen and I am happy you were here. I am still angry for no sex scene. 

Hilde. Once again, another “I didn’t bring around enough” but you hey. Happy to have you.

These two were my favorite running joke. The not so wise senpai and the student. 

Not sure why YOU are here but you WERE the first boss of the game. So. Yeah. Welcome.

And you were the first recruited monster... I think.

This little exchange reminds me. Granberia was NOT at ALL a regular character in this entire exchange. Hardly any of the knights showed their faces. Alma I think was the most regular. 

The spirits play little purpose as well. In the orginal trilogy they were SUPER important as they were a constant ability you had to keep on or die.  Here. They’re not weak, they’re decent buffs.  But I rarely use them... I did use them actually in the battle against Blalice. Alice actually is a Spirit Summoner because I felt it was rather poetic all things considered. 

Wait are you a noble? Maybe you should put on pants. And a shirt. But okay. Vanilla! The most useful member that never see’s battle. She was BRIEFLY drafted in Black Alice when all of the other allies died but yeah. She has been a rock this entire time. Constantly producing MP for the party.  

I admit I never had a use for her. She mostly stayed around because she had the most Dialog from things. 

And ah. The MVP herself. Okay second MVP but we’ll get to her soon. Superb support. Valuable as hell. Sadly a lot of Angels have Auto-hit attacks. But I would have lost without her many times. 

I’m trying to do the whole sentimental thing but yeah. Don’t have a lot to say. Maybe one of these days I’ll have just the four of them on a team. 

I’m just WAITING for you to betray me. But it’s a bit late and you’re no longer important in the slightest so. 

Ah speak of the devil. Now. Time for the main course. 

Traveling with Black Alice has been a really facinating experience. She’s a lot of fun. If you know, a bit evil. It’s interesting that she played the Alice. Pretending to be something she’s not. It makes me wonder if it’s a tradition? I wonder if this experience will make her nicer. 

Ah Sonya. You sadly have a LOT of death flags... It was interesting the idea of Luka having a human friend, but from a writing perspective it makes sense as she suddenly got the tropes that were associated with Alice in the first game. 

Not a good sign.

This does bring a point though. Sonya I dropped out of the party for not being too useful. A healer in a game where healing is incredibly easy. And she didn’t exactly have a whole lot... Actually I could have turned her into a vampire funny enough. And a worm Villager. But yeah, besides that. She didn’t have a whole lot. I’m probably gonna try using her more in my Ilias file as I want to RP it as more of a Human/Angel Centric idea. The only overlap being Prom really. 

And Alice. I really wish there was more to you but I get it. The romance between Luka and her just isn’t  a focal point. Despite the fact that her and Luka’s children are in fact facing off. I kind of wish that was addressed more. 

And her mother... There’s actually a LOT of plot threads still not addressed. 

Was hoping for Elemental Giga. This would be a game where it could be theoretically useful though. With all the abilities and such.

Ilias prayer music in the background.

Now we have Opera music... Place has changed.

Less then steller. 

You bitch.

You know what. Fuck you. YOU are FOURTH! 

Alright gotta act quickly. Can’t... wait

WHAT??

SHE SAID IT

I’m not sure if gleefully killing an entire town counts. 

Never a nice thing to learn.

“Then the fanfiction writers started... There’s this ONE bitch. She runs a Promestein blog and if you LISTENED to the drivel she writes. She made up this nonsense with male monsters for drama’s sake”

“And don’t get me started on the Luka Situation. There were like 3 at one point.”

Wait... How many others from other worlds??

...Wait When??? I can go over level 60 now?? Must be when I updated.. Huh. Okay. Wish I did this earlier.

Too many... oh

See. I’m doing an RP with La Croix that takes place using this concept. But something both of us realized is that Luka actually very rarely DIED in most of his endings. Not right away. Many of them used him as a pleasure slave. Or married him. Or he just gave up adventuring. Some like the angels even used him for 1000′s of years. So. Theoretically. He would have had to live his entire life. Die of natural causes. And then wake up back at a fight he had years ago. 

But here it just says failed. 

Oh.... Is this...Which Ilias?

I forgot... You’re... the Real ilias. so you have been trying your best to keep things from going to shit huh?

Oops.

Yikes... So yeah. Makes sense. Fuck that Lukia (Which was us)

The...Remina labs??

Oh hey. It that bitch.

Yes Little Prom. Yes. Soon. You will meet. Yourself.

A better part of the whole. I remember there being an Angel/Monster hybrid who says she couldn’t  combine her dark and holy energy. This is probably why.

I wonder if this is a joke of some kind revolving around smoking becoming less allowed in Japan.

And they summoned.... Black..Alice. Is that how she was alive in the original Trilogy??

Oh no... This..... Is.... Original Trilogy Black Alice.

As creepy music plays. I am reminded. The White Rabbit is a universal Constant. Where was she then in the original Trilogy? Simple. She was here. Right here. In Black Alice... the drug created by Promestein. The fusion of Holy and Dark.

Those poor Scientist.

That Casualty of it.

Oh. Dear. Lord.

“So you finished the art for that Hentai game right?” “HENTAI GAME?? I thought we were making Bloodborne.”

That is terrifying. 

Oh dear lord.

Angels. Demons. Both are at her demand.

YOU SAID SHE COULD NOT REACH US.

Of course. Time Succubi from aother wordl

That. Is terrifying.

Yup. Zero.

She’s dying as the Villain again? The Pyrrha. 

Wait. What?

So... You.. Were killing them to.. Bring them into YOUR world??? So. They’re alive? 

So they’re killing people... to bring them into another?  This reminds me of a little bit of a Webcomic called Order of the Stick. Where the gods wondered briefly if they should destroy the world, in order to save the souls. Because the main monster, was a giant horrifying sould devouring creature.  So if the gods destroyed the world, they could save many from inhiliation, and bring them into the after life.  This begs a lot of question about after lives and existance beyond death and whether or not it truly is a death. 

Bloodying her hands so her daughter doesn’t have to.

Yeah I would like to know that as well.

I would like to know actually.

Wait why are you wearing clothes now?

I forgot you were a person.  Wait. So these are from another universe.... One where Ilias won...And therefor Eden got to wear clothes. 

The old Monster and Angel War, Fought in the foreground of the world we stand.

And the death flags come home to roost. 

Was she... one the entire time?

Or did she become one now?

Mhm. This looks familiar.

And the music begins. The  battle wasn’t too hard. But...

This isn’t good.

Not grand.

This battle music is though. ♪♫

Oh you bitch.

We beat both of them... or...

We did not.

That’s... really really not good.

...what?

HUH???

UMMM????

SHES A WHATR??

She’s the element of chaos....   Does that mean there’s a HOly and Dark Spirit too?

Fine. I’ll train you.

...What?

Oh.... shit.... Dad... Killed Alice’s Mom.

And. That. Is the end.... Welp. I guess we have to do the Ilias Route next.

[octania]

Icy summer explosion (part 3)

Bakugo x Reader

Shoto x Reader  

Genre: Romance, Drama, Comedy, Smut

Warning: Smut, Cursing

Type: Series

Words: 2666

Characters in this part: Bakugo, Shoto, Deku, Kaminari, Kirishima.

Short description: A tense summer love drama between you, Bakugo and Shoto. It all starts in summer paradise, but where will it end and how?

_____________________________________________________

The coast was clear. Y/N could finally catch her breath.

„That was one hell of a show..you are not so bad after all, mermaid.“- the first that came out of the darkness was Kirishima. He smiled at her with gratitude. The others came out as well, with an expression of relief on their faces. Only one of them did not share their momentary joy.

“What were you thinking? You literally could’ve killed yourself! What if you have landed on your head, breaking your neck?!”- Bakugo was now in her face. He gritted his teeth in anger.

“Ease up buddy, she is fine, she saved our asses, be grateful.”- Kirishima approched Bakugo, calmly putting his hand on his shoulder, but Bakugo wouldn’t have that. He shook him off.

“That was not the point asshole! She literally jumped down the rocks! It was reckless and stupid!”- he continued, pointing his finger on her legs.

“Look at her legs! I am surprised how you are able to stand!”- all of them now lowered their gaze on her thighs and knees. It was true, they looked pretty bad and painful. From all that adrenaline Y/N forgot about the pain for a moment. They skin was all starched and bleeding and bruises were already visible. She tried to move one leg, pretend that everything is fine, but the sharp pain prevented her from moving the foot more than a few centimeters. Her expression gave her state away, and it angered Bakugo even more.

“Damn it!”- Before she or anyone else could say something, he knelt in front of her. Having him this close once again and now staring at her legs on his knees, made her heart race and cheeks fire up. She thanked the Gods they were all in the dark, and could not see the  treacherous colors of her cheeks. His fingertips started to touch her skin, checking the damage carefully. She could hear him cursing under his breath.

 “It’s not too deep, but still is not good. We have to clean it before it infects.” – suddenly, she felt a grip on her writs. He pulled her hand slowly to his lips. He bit the end of her sleeve. Like and animal, with one pull , he tore the material with ease. He grabbed one part with his hand, pulling it all the way to her elbow, then again grabbed it between his teeth and pulled once more, until it didn’t break fully, leaving a long piece of fabric in his hand. They guys stared in shock.

 “What are you doing?”- Shoto asked with a husky voice that hid disapproval.

“What are you all staring at?! What?! What does it look like I am doing?! We don’t have nothing else here but this.”- and it was true, they were all in their bathing suits and flip flops. She nodded, looking away. His face remained furious, as he started to cover up the deepest cut she had, gentile as possible. She let out a quiet sound from pain, that almost made his hands shake.

 “Did he hurt you?”- Shotos voice was deep, filled with concern.   She shook her head.

“I am fine.”- she replied. Once he was done, he stood up. Turning to the guys.

“There you useless shits, I did what I could. And you call your selves heroees. We need to reach the apartment, and mend that wounds properly.” – once again, his words sounded like commands, but no one wanted to disagree. Except…

“Our room. Yes, five guys, one fucked up naked girl, with even torn clothes. Sure, does not look at all wrong. Not to say, nooottt at all suspicious.”- Kaminari said irritated.  The others wanted to slap him on the head as usual, but they didn’t, because as hard it was for them to admit, he was right.

“We can’t just walk around with her like this, if he get spotted, her effort to hide us was all in vain.”- said Deku.

 “Guys, its ok! I don’t need to come with you! I will go to my apartment and mend myself. Really, you have done enough!”- she said. She didn’t want to cause them no more trouble.

 “Do you have anyone at home who can help you? Come here to get you? Because Im not…”- he coughed, correcting his sentence quickly. “…we are not leaving you here alone or letting you go alone.”- Shoto stared in her eyes, making her realize he will not discuss this any further. 

“No..but..”-she started, but stopped when he turned his back to her, facing the guys.

“We are doing this, we will find a way. And I have a slight idea how.”- he started walking to the exit of the stone labyrinth.

“But first, I need to get my jacket. I left it on the one of the beach bars that we almost burned.”- he went out of the cave before anyone could disagree, but he can still hear Bakugos swears and nagging, but he didn’t care for that. He had other problems now. He slowly went to the surface, looking around carefully. No one was there. The teens were gone, and he could even see their footsteps in the send. He hurried, trying to stay in the shadows to reach the place they were at. He managed to miss the spot because how deep in  his thoughts he was. He didn’t understand why, but he was worried…too worried. It was normal to them as heroes to do everything in their power to protect people, but this didn’t feel like that. He knew she was never in some real danger, and even the thing that did happen to her could be easily resolved by just taking her to the hospital. Even now. But he didn’t want that, he didn’t want her to leave. Furthermore, he did not trust others when it comes to helping her.

“What the fuck..”- he said to himself. He only just met her. He literally knows her for about one hour. But…she impressed him more than any other woman ever had. Her modest behavior, her courage and intellect when she was trying to keep them hidden…her endurance when she was clearly in pain…how her hand fit perfectly in his when they were running on the beach. He didn’t even realize it, he was smiling. Warm feeling consumed him, and it was not from his fiery side. Once more he gave himself permission to think about her face. How the fire light played a game of dancing shadows on her cheeks, how the glow in her eyes were almost magical. And he possesses fire…that means he can recreate that enchanting moment once more.

“Y/H…”- he tasted your name on his lips once more. To see how it fits in his mouth, how it sounds in his ears. He was even a bit surprised to realize…it was a perfect match. 

                                        *                *             *

They were running now. The streets were empty but they didn’t want to risk it. They were fast, moving like cats, unseen. Y/N was so impressed she had a filing she was floating. Just 20 minutes earlier, Shoto managed to collect his jacket. They covered her with it, hiding the torn sleeve. It was long, looking like a dress on her, but still she was half naked. She didn’t have time to think about that, she had so much on her plate already. They agreed to reach the apartment with her, disguise her as one of them and walk in the apartment like nothing is wrong. They would put her in the middle, cover her head with the hood of the hoodie, to fool the cameras, and one of them will have to climb up to the apartment through the window. She wanted to disagree, but Shoto didn’t want to hear about it. He was determent they do this. The only one who was not happy about this plan was Bakugo, but he didn’t directly disagree.

“Fucking idiots..”-that was the only thing he said before they moved on.  Bakugo. She slowly turned her head to look at him with the corner of her eyes. Deku was carrying her on his back, and Bakugo was right next to them, just a few meters away. The anger on his face was gone, but the serious look remained. She questioned herself why he would want to risk so much just to help her. Was it because of  what happened in the water? Did he feel guilty? The look on his face all along was nothing even close to guilt. She could not reach a normal conclusion. Her thoughts were disrupted by a voice.

“You ok back there?”-Deku asked softly, with a friendly smile. He reminded her on her brother, his foolish face. It made her feel a bit more relaxed when she remembered her brother.

 “Um..yeah.Sure.”-she smiled, hiding her concern and fear of what might happen next.  They have reached the building where their apartment was. It the building was tall and lavish, very different from the old style of this island. It was obvious that this was intended for the upper class. The guys stopped just on the corner before the main entrance, as Deku slowly let Y/N go. Just when the pain was getting better, her standing made it all come back in a flash. She bit her lip, giving her best to hide it.

“Are you ok?”- that voice, again, sharp and direct, wrapped in concern. Shoto.

“Yes, I can do this.”- she said with determination . If they could this for her, at least she could walk for them.  Her answer didn’t satisfy Shoto, but he knew there is not much he could do before they reach the apartment.

 “Ok, we shall do this quickly as we agreed. No quirks, we don’t want to draw attention, so we need to do this the old fashioned way once more. Just one more thing needs to be decided.”-he looked up to the balcony on the third floor.

 “Who will play the role of the Spiderman?”- once more, Kaminari could not hold in his bitch side. Seeing that the climb would be more then dangerous, Y/N turned pale, being certain she does not want to go on with this.

 “No, no way! This is enough! I am fine God damn it! And I am going home now!”- she said, not even looking at them anymore. She didn’t want to risk this, it was more than foolish. For one moment, she thought her legs were pain free, like nothing happened at all. But soon enough she realized, she was not even walking. Once more the feeling of being in the air. She turned furious, facing Kirishimas silly face.

“Excuse me Y/N, but I think it is better if he stick to the plan.”- his smile was filled with unbelievable warmth. Smile that exuded good intentions and friendship. The kind that is usually built over the years, but he was showing it to the complete stranger. She could not help but the melt and get sad in the same time. How the people were looking at them as meat, good for nothing but saving others or making a fool of themselves on the shows. She barely kept the tear in her eye, and smiled back nodding. 

“Thank you!”- he said with joy, turning back to face the guys, letting her go.

 “Move aside retards,like any of you can do shit without your quirks. Better yet, like any of you can do shit even with them.” – Bakugo pushed Shoto and Kaminari aside and started to walk to the wall.

“I hope you will make this as painless as it can be..Meet you up there.”- Shoto said in a low voice, ignoring Bakugos insults.  Bakugo said nothing, disappearing in the dark corner of the building.  They entered the hallways. Considering it was almost 2 a.m., guests were asleep or at least in their rooms. The plan sounded simple. Put her in the middle, surround her, make her unnoticeable as possible, just nod at the lady at the front desk, keep her head under the hoodie and dodge the cameras, enter the elevator and then straight to the room. But everything sounds easy in theory, because the little cracks in the plan are becoming more visible only when the plan is set in motion. They were half naked, she was much smaller than them, security in this place was high obviously because the guests were important people… But the guys looked like they were ready. It made Y/N wonder how many times they had to act just to get a little privacy. She was lost in her deep thoughts for a moment, trying to walk as fast as they were. To help her, Kirishima was right behind her, holding her elbow, giving her support. Shoto was in charge to get everyone to do their part correctly. As the tallest, he was in the front, covering her as much as possible. Soon enough , they were few meters away from the elevator. The only thing that was left was to fool the old lady in the front desk. She gazed at them with a smile. They smiled back, trying to continue without a word

.“Did you have a nice time?”- she said suddenly. Damn it…Shoto cursed in his mind. Without stopping, he replied.

“Yes, this island is beautiful.”- short and respectful. Just when he thought that was it, the lady said in a panic.

“Oh my God, is that blood on you?”- they froze. She saw her, it is over.

 “Izuku what happened?”- she pointed on his ribs. Little blood stains were on him, but the blood was not his. When he carried Y/N, her legs left bloody marks. Shoto exhaled with ease.

“He is fine, he scratched himself on a rock as we swam.”- Shoto replied as Deku nodded with a smile.

“I am fine really, just want to take a shower and rest.”- Shoto said and started walking, as the others followed. They said goodnight to the lady, entering the elevator fast. They all exhaled with ease. It was almost over, they just needed to reach the room. And they did, without any more distractions. When they entered and turned on the lights, Y/N had a feeling she entered a dream house. A huge white room with modern stuff, classy and clean. But the thing that occupied all of her attention and made her mouth open was the glass wall and the view it provided. She almost lost herself in that hypnotic view of a dark see in motion, but the unsettling thought crossed her mind and made her shiver.

“Where is Bakugo?”- she said, turning. The guys started checking the rooms and calling his name, but no one was there. The panic was slowly throwing its strings around them. Their hearts almost stopped as the sudden sound of thunder pierced the sky, making a blinding flash. The dark water reflected the light, crashing its waves in the same moment.

 “Bakugo..”- the sound escaped Y/N shivering lips as she saw his silhouette on the other side of a glass wall. He was holding himself on the edge of fence, with the rest of his body still hanging on the other side. The guys didn’t even manage to move, he twisted his whole body, jumping over the fence and landing on his feet. She watched him in shock. He stood there in the dark, as the rain started pouring. She could see his deep breaths, chest moving, making every muscle alive and visible. The water fallowed the shape of his tight jaw. He licked his lips to gather the water from the rain, exhaling once more, before he looked up straight at them. He ran his hand through his blonde hair, making the biceps twitch. His face held no emotion , it was cold as a stone. His eyes were barely visible, but the expression he had was anything but soft. 

[tatiletotesamaze]

(found this while looking for something else. I can only assume it’s related to my big ethics essay considering what’s at the bottom, but even my digital file keeping is akin to post-it notes and scatted pieces of paper.)

"If the Empire is to have my life, why can't I have a say in how long they should have it? If I can decide what to do within it, why not outside it?" Rochester looked uneasily to Simone. She stared back at him, placid as a river sheathed in ice.

"If you get that," she said after a while. "Why can't I get that?"

"You should. I should. We paid our dues." Maybe everyone has.

For (contrived purpose) Wilhelm, Rochester and Qiu find themselves on a planet recently instituted with new leadership Imperial. In disguise they are not Imperial citizens and are treated harshly by the enforcement officers. Rochester area this as an injustice to the empire as he knows it: a corruption of the ideal of progress under Imperial leadership, the use of sith ideology outside of context. Wilhelm, being off a lower class, sees it as rote. There is a brief discussion on the ship about relationships: the expectation of Rochester to have had the marriage with Stion'n (or some other appropriate woman) before the intervention of Sith, Qiu remarks she gave eggs to the eugenics programme and Willem points out he "failed" an exam on 97/100 and  did not get invited to the programme despite surpassing colleagues in areas untested. As they prepare to leave Rochester involves himself in a riot against the planetary governor, believing that they will be replaced for their failings. It's some weeks later, on another planet, he learns of the retribution meted out against the populace, and sees the extent of the propaganda used.

"If there's no reward or punishment for unjust acts and likewise for just, or that for this moment we not consider them and think only of the act themselves, why act justly? Or unjustly?"

"Nothing?"

"Nothing at all."

Rochester shrugged. "I can't think of anything."

"So nothing in the act itself is preventing you?"

"You said no external factors. Aren't my own feelings external factors to the act?"

"So the justness or unjustness of an act is not in the act itself?"

"I don't know. Is a human life different to a leaf, if we don't consider consequences?"

"A 'human' life?"

"Sorry, a person's."

"And we consider consequences?"

"Aren't those the external factors? I wouldn't be rewarded for saving a murderer from drowning but rather punished for it?"

"Is a person's life not inherently worth something?"

"Beyond their being a murderer?"

"I think we might be getting off track."

"Well, if you remove consequences of the action, doesn't the action then become amoral?"

"How so?"

"There's no question of justice when I wave my hand, but if I strike someone with it, then the question arises. But if there's no consequence to myself or the person I hit, where's the need to question its justice or morality?"

"So, you think the justness of an action might stem from it taking place in a system of consequences and reactions?"

"I suppose so." A little uneasy. Unsure of his answers and thoughts for the road ahead was unpaved and long, and shrouded in ignorance.

It is, in the Imperial culture, just that the Sith might rule as they do for they are favoured, might is within their nature and the weakness self correcting in their system.

It is to be above one's station if, being not force sensitive, one attempts to exercise that rule of might.

The empire as a tool of sith has the might to be right, but its citizens within must act appropriately. As all citizens are equal, they are to act equally to each other (but they aren't equal, class and breeding are paramount, where it is merit one might advance but first merit is birth). To act as a sith is to put oneself on their footing, and thereby in their court. So that all citizens are equally protected from the Sith court, no citizen must enter it.

Under the sphere of philosophy comes the ministry of education which, in its entirety, covers education from childhood to adulthood, propaganda and censorship. Censorship in part extends the role of sith who search for heretics by ensuring that texts published to have anti-Imperial sentiment. This might include, but is not limited to, characters engaging in un-virtuous or sinful acts who do not get their comeuppance (see Hayes code) or who are otherwise depicted sympathetically, expect where they are sith and act in a sith manner (that is virtuous to a sith but not a citizen). Less so on core worlds but common on those conquered is the existence of illegal printing presses (sometimes actually paper and ink) that create anti-Imperial leaflets alongside unapproved works or uncensored versions of sort after works. Even though romance is a common genre in the empire and many books are sold cross borders, the Cabinet censors parts or rewrites whole chapters to better suit "Imperial tastes".

Virtues of the Empire:

Loyalty

Of the citizen:

Honesty

Integrity

"Strength of will"/perseverance

Charity to children

Courage

Pride (in the empire and ones achievements)

Wisdom

Temperance of action and feeling (self discipline)

Orderliness *at once keeping stuff in order, but also understanding one's place in the empire

Will to excellence *the best me and the best I can do makes the empire better as a whole or the the best I can do for the empire is the best me

cleanliness *don't smell

Unity *not necessarily friendliness, but not rocking the boat as it were

"In all ones actions and duties to uphold the standards of the Empire"

Timely - to know when best to be serious and to be jovial. Also, be on fucking time

Respectfulness

Of the Sith:

Cunning

Wisdom

To live one's truth (the existential ideal)

Strength

Will to power

Justice (upholding Imperial laws and ideals)

Magnificence

The Sith might also be expected to perform the virtues of the citizens listed above, particularly those of being timely, orderly and clean. When in the presence of Sith of higher standing, or of citizens of high standing particularly those of the military or intelligence, then such actions will also be expected.

Temperance (self discipline) - the Sith rule and control their emotions. Though one might become powerful through unbridled rage, one might lose oneself to it and lose one's mental faculties including (ironically) the _will_ to power, making one un-Sith-like.

As ever, these virtues are not to be practiced in excess nor be shied from. Life in the Empire is a balancing act.

The Empire contains three formal classes, four if slaves are considered.

There are the Citizens, which one could class all as for they all live within the Empire, but Citizens are those who are born to Imperial families, typically within core Imperial worlds. They have the force of longevity behind them, their presence and purpose within the Empire is inherent. They have the tried and true Imperial education, in mathematics, warfare, literature and the sciences. They all hold in some form a military position. A teacher can be called upon to fire a gun, as a baker can be expected to fix a tank. Full time military service is performed by all citizens for four years, and after that either continue within the military system or return to perform other vital roles within the Empire.

De facto citizens or the Treatise'd. Those living in planets the Empire has conquered, by war or through the Treaty of Coruscant. Formal expectations of them are the same, however Citizens oft treat them, not necessarily with contempt but not with high expectations. Citizens see their lack of Imperial education (something being rectified but sorely lacking in the adult generations) as a fault that prevents them from performing the best they can for the Empire (see the virtues). This disregard for their own experiences, talents and cultures does, to put it mildly, chafe the De Facto citizens.

The Sith. They can learn philosophy. It's not the most popular subject, but many who do involve themselves in the Ministry of Education, and by extension the Bureau of Propaganda and the censorship cabinet. Philosophy is a poor subject for citizens, as it gives one the ability to ask questions and not necessarily accept the answers given.

Rule consequentialism (not utility as this implies Bentham et al, but "to the betterment of the Empire" that is, does this action benefit the Empire, how so, to what extent) and virtue, as outlined. As the legal system must exist for the society to function there are of course pre-existing rules.

For an example from the game, murder. It is implicitly stated that murder is _not_ allowed (the quest of the acolyte sith ganking civs) through much of the society, up to the Dark Council, where it seems to be a matter of not getting caught (a virtue of the Sith is therefore cunning; Darth Thanaton's adherence to tradition in the face of the easier route is seen as an eccentricity ultimately turned weakness).

Education in the Sith language starts at an early age. For those who are sith born to sith, it is a natural process of learning as with any mother tongue. For those who have force abilities at a young age, or are believed to be likely of showing them, this is a more formal education one might expect on a school setting, starting also at a young age. Obviously this approach favours those who have the opportunity to learn and whose abilities can be either reasonably expected it recognised. Those who come into their abilities late, or come from de facto worlds, or even are slaves, may never receive this education. The ability to speak the sith language is a merit. This is how merits play out in the Empire, and how their meritocracy works. Birth is a merit, opportunity and privilege also.

[justalittlelitnerd]

Pretty Reckless by L.J. Shen

This book really surprised me not only because of the characters, but the writing itself was truly beautiful. In my own personal experience with romance novels they’re not always the best written and I think that has more to do with the industry and the genre and the lack of support romance novels and their authors get than a lack of talent on the writer’s part. Most romance novels are self-published with whatever resources or connections the author has in terms of editorial work which in the end just means the final result is *typically* (note: not always obviously) a little rougher than say if it went through the traditional publishing process where an agent works with the author for months to fine-tune the story before it goes to an editor who will then work for months to fine-tune the writing and on and on until it’s finally published. 

Sorry that was a long tangent just to say that I’ve gotten into a habit of skimming romance books because I’m in it for the characters and the romance and the HEA more than the writing itself (honestly characters and their relationships are far more important to me than writing), but I found myself taking my time with this book because there were so many beautiful lines that I wanted to savor. 

Basically, Daria Followhill and Penn Scully meet at age 14 when both their lives are falling apart in very different ways. Daria is teeming with the jealousy only a fourteen-year-old girl who feels her mother loves another girl more than her can feel and she finds herself in possession of a letter that would change everything. Penn enters, unaware of the letter’s contents or the effect it will have on his family, and in an attempt to win Daria’s attention he trashes the letter, leaves her with a piece of sea glass, her first kiss, and a promise of more. But the letter contained his sister’s future and when she thinks she didn’t get in she runs away from Penn and their abusive family, never to be seen again. 

Fast forward four years to Penn’s 18th birthday and it’s clear that a lot has changed, but there’s still an undeniable pull between the two. When Penn’s mother dies and his step-father kicks him out, Daria’s mom (who feels residual guilt over his sister’s disappearance) offers him a place to stay and he makes it his mission to make Daria pay for the role she played in what happened. But Daria’s already paid and is still paying. What neither of them expected was love. Or the return of a ghost.

*TRIGGER WARNING* in general there’s quite a bit of violence, mentions of rape/assault, and an abusive relationship between the principal and Daria which started when she was 14. 

All in all if you like classic enemies-to-lovers, fated romance, complicated family dynamics, tough guys with soft hearts, and dark elements with your romance than this book is probably worth a shot.     

Keep reading for the quotes!

Boys can smell heartbreak from across a continent. Even at fourteen. Even in the middle of an innocent summer afternoon. We girls have an invisible string behind our belly button, and only certain guys can tug at it. This boy…he will snap it if I let him.

He studies me with quiet interest as though I’m a painting, not a person. My heart is rioting all over, and the dumbest thought crosses my mind. Ever notice how the heart is literally caged by the ribs? That’s insane. As if our body knows it can break so easily, it needs to be protected.

My voice hardens around the words. Like tin. I’m desperate. I have no lead. I want to rip the world apart to find her, but the world is not mine to destroy. The world just continues turning at the same pace, because kids like Via and me? We disappear all the time, and no one notices.

His scent messes with my head. I want to reach out and caress his face. Kiss his wounds better. Beg for forgiveness. Curse him. Push him away. Cry on his shoulder for what we’ve done. For how it ended. For what we became afterward. Because I’m full of crap, and he is totally empty. We ruined ourselves the day of our first kiss.

She stares at me with the same wild gaze that made me give her the sea glass four years ago. As though I’m the most fascinating creature in the world. I want to pocket that look and save it for the next time the world lets me down. Which should be in the next twenty minutes.

Normally, he’d drag my ass out and give me a piece of his mind. Not today. He and I both know he can’t be that much of a hypocrite. If he saw someone hitting on Luna, he would rip them to shreds and dump whatever’s left of them on the side of the road. I’ve seen him screw people up for less than looking at her. The only problem is, Penn is not my Luna. We don’t have some long, elaborate, angsty childhood friendship that’s dancing on the edge of more.

“And miss out on all this delicious teenage angst?” I murmur, mesmerized by how beautifully she fits under my palm. As though she was born to have my hands on her. “It’s practically Netflix for free.”

“You’re Saturn,” she whispers. “Made of iron-nickel and surrounded by protective rings of ice and rock.” “How do you know that?” I smile, and I know the smile is warm. I know it’s fucking up something in her chest, and even though I shouldn’t, I like it. After all these years, I still want to ruin her. Then put her back together. Then do it again and again and a-fucking-gain.

He stops, cupping my face in his hands. His eyes twinkle, but maybe I see what I want to see. I didn’t mean to save him all my firsts. But it happened, and a part of me is glad that it did. Because he was the first boy to give me a gift. The first boy to kiss me. To want to become my friend not because I was popular, but because I was me. He was the first boy who noticed the injured animal behind the camouflage of hostility and tried to give it water and shelter.

Luckily, I have a lot of experience when it comes to fakeness. My personality is basically one hundred percent recyclable plastic. The only person who can still scrape a bit of authenticity from me is her brother.

The Scullys are too smart to fall for this type of Riverdale nonsense.

She is wrong. I can look at her face all fucking day. I wish it were a legit job so I could make money doing it. I would put in all the extra hours and become a billionaire within a year. (The math doesn’t add up, by the way, so don’t try to do it.)

My world, however, is narrow-pathed and dingy. I don’t believe in fairy tales. I think Shakespeare got it right. When two people try to go against the grain, they get fucked up. End of story.

“It’s not like that,” I say hurriedly. If I have to tell him what’s going on with Prichard, I will. I’m not proud of it, but pride is a very slippery slope where love is involved. Marx. Love. I don’t use the L word lightly. I don’t go around telling people I love pizza or chocolate or Riverdale. I like those things. Love, I save for the important stuff. But I am hopelessly, tragically in love with Penn Scully. That’s why I can’t really hate his sister. Not entirely, anyway. She is an extension of him, and he has my heart.

Love. Four letters can’t cover what I feel for Daria Followhill. They seem too trivial, too small, too overused.

And love IS humbling, I know now because I want to punch myself in the face for being the smug bastard who assumed he’d just walk out of this shit unscathed. The tin man didn’t ask for a heart—but got one anyway. I love you, Daria Followhill, and I think you love me, too. In fact, I think we fell at the same time. You, like rain, in drizzles, over the weeks. Me, like the fucking sky above my head, all at once, crashing without the faintest chance of stopping.

My mouth goes dry, and I shake my head slowly. She takes a step closer and folds my shirt under her palm so that the hole in my chest looks like it’s closing in when, in reality, it opens up like a shark’s jaw. “Everything I touch is tainted, Penn. Everything I want turns to ash. I spent the entire semester trying to be yours, but you’ve never once claimed my heart. I’m sending you to Adriana’s arms, not because I don’t care, but because I do. So much. Maybe too much. Because I screwed up so many relationships, the only way for us to heal is if I take myself out of the equation.” You are the fucking equation, I want to yell in her face. The riddle and the answer and the numbers within it. You’re math. You make sense.

“You were never a drizzle, Penn Scully. When I fell for you, you came beating down, and I felt you everywhere. You were hail.”

“I’ve loved you in secret, and I’ve loved you openly in front of both our worlds, and if you think I’ll stop loving you if you put an ocean between us, you’re dead wrong.”

I want her to tell me that I’m not the only one here feeling like every breath is a fucking nail jammed straight into my lungs. If this is what love feels like, it’s complete bullshit. I want my money back because Shakespeare was right all along. True love truly sucks ass.

I’ll go wherever Daria goes. Even if it’s straight to hell.

“I wouldn’t have missed it for the world. You know that, right?” No, I don’t, and I’m trying to tell myself not to get my hopes up because they are slamming their little fists against the door of my brain’s basement, wanting to gush out.

Last time we spoke to each other, she promised not to leave, but she did. I’m not taking any chances. She might as well file a restraining order because I’m not letting her out of my sight.

[prettywordsyouleft]

Through His Eyes - Part 7

Summary: Losing your sight after your accident was traumatic, and Jaebum’s guilt of knowing it should have been him instead creates an intricate bond between you both, as you overcome adversity and try to find your way in life again.

Genre: angst / romance

Characters: Im Jaebum x female reader

A/N: This story is emotional and raw compared to some of the content on my blog. It is in no way an attempt to glamourise or undervalue the lives of those who suffer from something similar. This story is purely fictional.

Through His Eyes will be posted every Tuesday at 10am NZST.

Index: Prologue | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 [M] | 13 - FINAL

After opening the door, Jaebum helped you inside before going over to his desk and signing into the computer. Turning back to you, he looked around his studio, and then walked over to the clothing rack in the corner and rummaged through for something for you to wear.

“Okay, if you don’t tell me where we are soon, I’m going to lose it,” you said softly, not moving from where he had let go of your hand. Jaebum smiled to himself, knowing that you were waiting for some direction. It was foolish of him to feel important from gestures like this, but being someone who could make you stop and move all by his touch made Jaebum feel a strong sense of purpose and need. 

You noticed his returned approach and turned your head towards him at the last moment. Jaebum rocked back on his heels, noticing how warm your eyes were tonight. You had been fortunate that your eyes had no disruptions on how they appeared, though the light scarring just above your eyes and cheek reminded him of the day you received them. He glanced away, his stomach dropping as he found it hard to swallow. Tentatively, your hand grabbed onto his lower arm and Jaebum looked at it sadly.

“We’re in my studio,” he finally mentioned and your grip lessened at the knowledge. Your head shifted slowly around and you took a deep breath, assessing the room for any telltale signs that you could store in your mind to recognise it again in the future. Jaebum had watched you do the same thing last time you were together in this room and that fuelled his thoughts back to the reason he had brought you here. “I want to share something with you.”

“What is it?” you asked brightly, curiosity making you gingerly step forward. Jaebum quickly moved you back so you wouldn’t bang into the table and you stumbled, grabbing onto him more tightly for support. You both stood there for a moment, and Jaebum watched as your cheeks reddened from embarrassment. “Ha-ha, oops.”

“Before you get to find out, how are your legs?”

“My legs?” You were momentarily confused and then remembered your damp jeans. It only seemed to make her skin darken. “Ah, well…”

“Here, put these on.” He led you over to the couch and then gave you the sweats he’d picked out just before, which you stood awkwardly holding onto. Jaebum frowned and waited for you to make some kind of gesture, but nothing happened. He realised he needed to turn around to give you some privacy and whipped about, scolding himself inwardly for being rude.

“Jaebum… I uh, need assistance.”

Turning back around, he found you fumbling your hands along the material, searching for an indication of the top of the pants. Groaning lightly at how he hadn’t taken into account how changing clothes would be for you, Jaebum moved back to your side, grabbing the sweatpants and righted them. “I’m holding them out for you the right way.”

“Um, maybe I should just stay like this.”

“And catch a cold because you didn’t remove something wet?”

“It’s just that, well, I can’t exactly just change alone. With my own clothes my Mum helps me, not as in dressing me, well some times she does, but… oh my god, I need to stop talking, I’m sorry!”

Jaebum smiled sadly and instinctively leaned in to hug you. You froze at his sudden gesture before relaxing into him. “I was thoughtless, I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s not that, I think you were very thoughtful actually, just… I lack the skills to do this with you out of the room, and uh, it’s inappropriate for me to change in front of you. It’s fine; do you have a blanket instead?”

“I do.” Grabbing one off the sofa and then gently guiding you over to the chair next to his desk, Jaebum placed the blanket over your lap, and you arranged it to your desire. The uncomfortable air between you continued as he started clicking through files on the computer, organising the event he had suddenly felt the need to share. Jaebum had been planning it ever since he wrote the song the same night you had last been in this room, but the timing always felt off. After hearing your despair about the university attempt, Jaebum knew you needed to hear what he had created for you.

“So what are we going to do today? More playing on the equipment?”

“It’s actually about that. Do you remember this?” He pressed play on the music you had created last time, and you smiled brightly. Jaebum stopped the music and then clicked onto the next file. “Well, this is what I did with it.”

Letting the song play, Jaebum turned his chair and focused on your expression. You stilled, your shock evident as the beat played around the room. Reaching over, Jaebum flicked on the vocal line to the song, and you jumped back in your chair, hearing Jinyoung’s voice fill the room. You were intriguing to watch, your expression was subtlety changing as the song progressed. Once it finished, Jaebum nudged you gently and you shook yourself out of her reverie.

“You, you recorded it into a song?”

“It’s a song that I created a while ago for our upcoming album, but I felt it was missing something. Our music together gave me an idea of how to revamp the sound. What do you think?”

“I… I don’t know.”

“Really?” Jaebum frowned. “I thought you’d be happy.”

“I’m beyond happy. Just, wow Jaebum. I don’t know what to say.”

He couldn’t help but feel accomplished by your words, or lack of them, and turned back to the computer, readying the actual surprise. A flutter of apprehension rose in his stomach as he hesitated to turn it on, and Jaebum swung back to you, grabbing your hand. “I have another song to share with you. Do you want to hear it?”

You nodded slowly, your eyes widening and you chewed your bottom lip softly. Taking a deep breath, Jaebum hit play and allowed the song to fill the room. For the first part of I’ll Protect You, he found it impossible to look over at you, wanting so badly to see your reaction, and yet worrying if you would dislike the song. It wasn’t every day that he wrote lyrics for someone still in his world, and so the feelings within his chest were wrestling with his rationale. By the time it reached the second chorus however, Jaebum managed to glance over at you, his eyes slowly connecting to the raw emotion upon your face. Once again, you remained still, apart from the blinking you were doing to try and keep your emotions at bay. You seemed to have lost the ability to breathe, and although your hand was still holding his, Jaebum was surprised to feel no distinctive weight within it. Your mouth was curled ever so slightly, and he watched as the first tear finally fell, the music becoming distant the longer he stared at you. It took Jaebum a moment to realise the song had stopped as your tears flowed silently down your cheeks and Jaebum reached over to gently wipe them away.

“You’re crying,” he stated, then removed his hand away from your face and back into his lap. He didn’t know what else to say or do with how intense the air felt around you both.

“You have suffered so much,” you spluttered, and Jaebum turned your chair to face him, wondering why that was your first statement to the song.

“Me? Y/N, I wrote this song about you.”

“It’s for me?”

He shifted closer to you and held your upper arms gently. “Over the past few months, I’ve watched you struggle to find who you are after losing your sight. How often you would try to hide your feelings behind being optimistic. You tell me that your therapy sessions are seen as great improvements because you never wanted to let them know how much it hurts or how sad you felt deep down. You’ve been struggling so much and I want you to know it’s okay to feel. It’s alright to express your troubles. I’ll always be here. Like today, I came running as soon as you needed me. I want to be that person to you always.”

“I’m sorry,” she said, a new wave of tears running from her cheeks.

“Y/N, you don’t owe me an apology. It’s not your fault. You could have died! It was meant to be me up there, not you. Don’t you realise you saved me?”

“But it’s still affected your life. It’s made things harder for you.”

Jaebum shook the grip he held on you gently. “And what about you?”

“I…”

“You deserve to be whatever you want to be. I wrote this song to tell you that. Let the world know you are angry when you’re angry. Let them know it hurts. Don’t hide behind your disability or let it hold you back. Accept help, but don’t stop moving forward okay? I’m going to protect you and make sure you can reach all your dreams.”

“You wrote a song for me.” Your voice trailed off as well as the rest of your energy and Jaebum stared at you, watching as you tried to stop crying and yet you started smiling too. Your arms soon moved forward, reaching out to hug him, your head resting on his chest. Jaebum took a deep breath and shifted to push play on the song again, moving back to make so you could remain comfortable where you had put yourself. It wasn’t long until you were humming along to the song, and Jaebum felt a calm wash over him, his message to you being delivered. Closing his eyes, he relaxed into the chair, enjoying the sense of pride he held for his song and your friendship.

Eventually, you had both left the studio and walked back out to Jaebum’s car, the ride to your home being in silence. Unlike how the last drive home from the studio had been, the air between you felt the most relaxed it had ever been. Jaebum was certain you were feeling many emotions at once still, but you were content enough to not need to address each feeling in one go. He noticed how you gripped onto the USB he had given you of the raw tracklist of the upcoming PRESENT: YOU album like your life depended on keeping it safe after his warning that no one but yourself could know of the songs. Jaebum smiled and pulled into a park at the apartment building, nudging you lightly.

“Are we home?”

“Yeah, you can put the USB away, you know.”

You shook your head. “I can’t see anything so I’m keeping it on me in case anything happens.”

“What if you drop it?” Your face filled with horror and Jaebum chuckled. “Relax, just pop it away in your bag until we’re inside. I’m scared your hand is going to break.”

“Jaebum?” He paused in opening the car door, turning back to face you. You gathered your composure and then smiled at him. “Thank you, what you did with everything today, it means a lot to me.”

“I know.”

“I don’t think you do,” you continued and then hesitated to say anything further. You sighed. “I don’t like being blind. However, it is teaching me things about myself and showing me, sometimes harshly, who and what I need to have in my life. I’m really glad to have you.”

Jaebum didn’t respond immediately, your words catching his breath. Jaebum cleared his throat. “I’m always going to be here, I made that promise, remember?”

“You won’t get sick of me?”

Jaebum laughed and nudged you lightly again. “Come on, I’m going to take you up to your Mum. I’m sick of you today already!”

“Ha, some promise!”

For some reason, Jaebum felt the need to lighten the mood in that moment. Just like you, Jaebum knew he had emotions that needed assessing, but for now, he wanted to hold onto the happiness of creating a song of strength for you.

Everything else could wait.

_________________

[Part 8]

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[crqstalite]

part 13, alone together. (elara & xev’heng)

finished off the trooper storyline for the second time and it only gets better! i know i’ve said this about other romances, but elara dorne’s romance is the best and you can fuckin’ fist fight me about it. she’s so precious and this game was meant for cowards that when (and if) i run synntai she can’t romance her.

written: 9.1.19. words: 2,864.

════ ⋆★⋆ ════

character song: love you like a love song, selena gomez

character file: xev'heng lumere, major of havoc squad.

-

three years ago.

when she asked to be given some time alone, xev'heng wasn't sure exactly what she was implying. and, it seems as if elara didn't either.

seventy-three minutes. tops.

xev'heng will be the first to admit he rarely knew what to do with downtime. reasoning being? he never has any. havoc takes up so much of his time that besides his scheduled sleep (starting at 22:00 and ending at 5:00, usually.), he's always working. hakio keeps him busy, not to say she isn't always busy herself, but like her, he likes to stay that way. his days have been captured with training ryean and synntai (both more chaotic than they seemed, hence why the result outweighed the calculated risk of taking another demolition specialist and commando on to havoc) and keeping himself in tip top shape. general rakton isn't going to wait for him to finish his holovid. the faster they can take him down, the safer the republic is going to be.

that's...also to say maybe he's let his budding relationship with elara take the backseat.

hence why he's pacing back and forth in his own quarters waiting for her to return (most likely changing out of her armor), pondering on what to spend their time doing. his mind flickers for a moment before returning to more, pg themes. what does elara like to do? she's always happy to see him, sparing any moment to be with him, even for just a minute. any other time, he catches her working on something. it's not to say he assumes she doesn't relax at all, but then again...

what do aric and hakio do? he almost shakes the thought from his head, before really considering it. he and the others in havoc are all aware of their relationship, but have never been privy to any pda they may have engaged in. they're always rushing around to do some sort of mission, working alongside each other and trusting the other with their lives. his commanding officer seems so put together, he's sure their relationship is rock-hard stable.

but how? and why? both of their tempers run so high, he's curious if they've been leading the crew on that they're really together. but, he's never caught them arguing with one another. it's always compliments on the other's shot, fixing things together, going on early morning runs together when they stay on coruscant. the cathar and cyborg woman always seem so happy with each other, like nothing could go wrong and there's no possibility they could die tomorrow.

he's shaken out of his intruding thoughts when he hears a light knock on his door. "sir?"

he tries not to seem too excited when he gets up, slowing his steps when he reaches the door. it slides open after he presses a button, and he steps aside to prompt her to enter. she does so, and gives him a nervous grin in response. "the captain isn't exactly enjoying these forms. he grumbled all the way back to the weapon's locker."

"and the colonel?" he asks jokingly. how would hakio react? the hot headed woman never exactly enjoyed forms or doing things legally when she could get away with it. updating all of her forms would definitely make her a lot more irritable later.

"she gave me a knowing look and mentioned something about her distracting the captain long enough to fill it out fully." she chuckles, "i believe that means my original guess may have been incorrect."

"guess we have more time than we thought." they both stand awkwardly for a moment, unsure of their next moves. "seventy three minutes or more...we could watch a holo for a bit? it'd be over long before jorgan's finished with the forms."

"that sounds nice...xev." she fumbles with his name for a moment, rather foreign on her lips. spoken with such a beautiful articulation of an imperial accent, he smiles. elara doesn't often refer to him by anything but his title, and it sounds..pretty, even. "did you have one in mind?"

"not exactly. would you rather pick?" he asks, sitting on his bed as elara turns to the small terminal he has. "i haven't watched anything in years."

"i'd like that." she says, softly sitting next to him before he prompts her to sit back next to him against the pillows. it's a long while before the decide on one, a muted action flick neither admits to seeing before. it's been so long since xev'heng sat down to really watch one that he misses when he and vscyla used to watch them together as children. how she would shush him from time to time when he asked too many questions, when she made them snacks. when she smiled with a gap through her two front teeth, and said she'd earned the gap from a fight with a monster.

he tries not to frown at the thought as he tries to relax.

it isn't until halfway through the movie that he lets his eyes wander from the terminal to the blonde woman next to him. she's let her hair down from it's usually severely tied bun, and the curls fall around her shoulders. as typical as it is, her lounges are clean and stitched from where they may have ripped. she holds herself carefully, sitting up straight as her eyes remain glued to the blue projection. sometimes without her armor, xev'heng sees a fragile woman. he sees her scars that the durasteel hides along her arms and face. he sees the sky blue eyes that have seen the world a million times over, and the delicate but worn hands that have patched up people and simutaneously said goodbye to those who left the galaxy much too soon.

she's beautiful.

it's not like this is the first time he's been alone with her her. they've been off and on...'together', but with both of them being the medic to a less than cautious team (he can't even count on both of his hands how many times their CO has come back with some catastrophic injury and shrugs at it until she collapses, or worse.) and just being part of havoc pulls them away from each other. somedays, he forgets. somedays, he doesn't walk by the medbay just so he doesn't have to tell her he doesn't have any time left for her.

somedays, he doesn't want to tell her he's hurting, that another injury has put him on the sidelines. that someone's died he was unable to save. he wants to see her smile, he wants to see her relax.

just, something about her makes everything better.

he doesn't mean to stare, but her colbalt blue eyes catch his and her pale cheeks turn a rosy shade of red. "did you need something, xev?"

"n-no." he says (y'know, like the liar he is), as she turns back to the terminal. he tries to focus again on the holo, but every little shift, every little hair brush reminds him that she is beautiful, and smart. a warrior on the battlefield, well-versed in medical history and knowledge.

and she took time out of her day to watch some old holovid with him.

his hand moves from where it was beside him to hook into hers, lacing their fingers together. she tenses for a moment, first looking at their hands and then up at him. a shaky grin crosses his face as she leans against his shoulder. holo forgotten, she relaxes against him and tightens her grasp. xev raises her knuckle to his lips, pressing a kiss to the back of her hand before allowing it to drop back to her side in between them.

it's the small gestures that get him. he likes to feel her warm hand in between his as quiet explosions rage across the projection. her hair tickles his lekku welcomingly, and his typically cool body is warmed by her presence.

"i love you, elara." he whispers. at first, he's not sure she's heard him, but she turns to face him in answer.

"i love you too, xev." she responds. she presses a light kiss to his cheek before returning her head to his shoulder. he smiles, and leans back a bit into the pillows. "i promise you that i always will."

"and ever, and ever, and ever?" he asks, grinning as she chuckles.

"and ever, and ever, and ever." she nods, as he turns to kiss her, pressing herself into him further. there's no real intention behind it, but somehow she ends up in his lap, arms around his neck as she presses her forehead to his. he calms immediatly before she looks at him directly. "i did my research."

and somehow, he knows immediatly what she's talking about.

and he loves her for it.

-

present time.

"cipher, are you sure this was the brightest idea?" he can hear a hushed imperial accent as he begins to regain consciousness, head pulsing as he tries to keep any food down. he's nauseous and exhausted. "he is little more than a figurehead, we suppose we'll garner attention we do not wish to have."

"i don't believe that is the case, vector. research says he is a war hero. we should be cautious." another, more feminine voice answers.

"bugboy's right, cy. as much as i want to say this was a good idea to get this off your chest and all, your personal problems shouldn't come in contact with us, or me specifically." another, non imperial female answers. "rubi's gonna kick your ass if she ever leaves her room and finds out about this."

"then let's make sure she doesn't, yes, djannis? cipher nine needs to know nothing about this in her current state." another imperial accent, but this one diluted by another accent. as if they are new to imperial space.

wait.

"not to mention, i'm sure rakton will be pleased we've captured the man who took him into custody in the first place." the same voice answers as he opens his eyes, the dark light of his surroundings blurring most of his vision. trying to stay as still as possible, he finds his hands are bound behind him and feet tied together. the footsteps move in the opposite direction, and they haven't taken his armor off of him. his canon is gone, obviously, as he shifts a bit. "you're sure we weren't followed, ensign?"

"i'm quite sure, cipher." the other imperial voice answers, almost begrudingly. "no republic ships have entered the system since we've taken him aboard."

"is he bugged?" djannis asks skeptically, "don't republic soldiers have armor cams and kriff?"

"doubt it. he took a beating when he came in from the butt of my rifle. if he does, it must be glitched out by now." the main voice, the cipher's answers. "now all of you leave the room. i'm sure he's been listening. when he decides to reveal he's come around, i want to be the first person he sees."

the shuffling of boots across the ground and the closing of a blast door accompanies a finger under his chin as he tries to shrink away from the foreign touch. his eyesight is slowly returning, and a tanned yellow twi'lek stares back at him. "eoh nerra, it's been so long. it would be that we meet on opposite sides of the war, yes?" her voices is deceptively soft, deceptively soothing.

eoh nerra.

"vscyla?" her name flies out of his mouth in a panicked whisper. "what-"

"shhh, eoh nerra. i wouldn't want the others to find out the real reason you're here." his eyes clear fully now, as her yellow skin and lavender yellow eyes twinkle in the darkness of the room. she's dressed prim and proper in an imperial uniform, the black fabric stretched taut across her form as red and blue pins rest on her chest. her lekku hang around her neck, as she used to always have them when she'd been wearing a helmet for an extended period of time.

used to.

when she used to wear the republic's colors.

"why am i here?" he says darkly, struggling against his restraints as they dig into his armored wrists. "i'm a major of the republic military!"

"my, my. you've gotten so far in the galaxy since i saw you last, xevvie." she says, musing as she pulls a vibroknife from a sheath on one of her thighs. it glints in the low light as it dances between her fingers, sharp and deadly. "a major in the republic? nearly my own rank within intelligence i suppose."

"you're a defector!" he says loudly, hoping her companions will hear him, and know of her true nature. to his surprise, she only laughs.

"i am, yes." she smirks, running the blunt edge of the knife under his chin. "they know, everyone knows. and no one cares. i'm one of the most successful cipher agents of this generation, and i didn't need to be brainwashed to do it." she responds, the last sentence a whisper as she switches the way the blade is facing. the silver just barely touches his neck, but with malicious intent behind it, he fears for his life.

he doesn't know what scares him more, the fact she admits it whole heartedly and that there is no cipher among her words to be found, or that her imperial accent sounds so...so natural.

like every part of his milry numa was gone. replaced with that of an imperial soldier.

"what is it, xev? afraid of me? of what i can do to you?" she questions. "what i am?"

"what choices you've made aren't for me to judge." he says, keeping one eye on the knife and another on her. her forehead raises, if she had eyebrows they would raise as well. "these were your choices that you made, to turn on the faction you fought for!"

"you mean the faction that left me to die!" she says, a fire blazing behind her eyes, as the knife digs just a bit too far and punctures his skin. "you mean the faction that thought i didn't matter enough to send an evac for. you mean the faction that saw me as replaceable. the faction that saw me as little more than just a sergeant in the military with no life without them. the faction that was going to let me die on some backwater planet!"

xev'heng doesn't answer, grunting as the blade presses against his neck, leaving a line of a cut across his throat. "i won't forget balmorra. the imperials gave me a way out of an operation that would've gotten me killed. they saw me as much more than just expendable. they saw me as an operative. they saw me as worthy. they took me, trained me. gave me the tools to succeed."

"you're committing treason." he answer as she pulls the knife away, trying to ignore the stinging pain the cut leaves, blood dripping onto his armor as vscyla wipes the vibroknife on the shirt of her midnight black uniform. "they were coming back for you, you just ran out of patience."

"tell me, major. have you ever been stuck in a trench, wondering whether your faction was coming back for you? without rations, watching as your fellow soldiers fell like flies around you? wondering whether the last thing you said to your loved ones would be your last words to them?" she says, her voice and eyes hardening.

"every. damn. day."

"now imagine being twenty. fresh out of the academy, terrified for her life. tell me, eoh nerra. when given the chance to live, even with the chance of defecting, to fight for a faction that cared about you and what you did for them, would you switch sides?"

"no." he grits his teeth as he answers. "i fight for the republic, and always will!"

"blind obedience then. you're little more than a kath hound at heart." she answers, resheating her knife. "as always. it seems you've never changed."

"and if i haven't?"

"i suppose you could be convinced, little one. that, or i could have the likes of vector and the doctor have their way with you." she said, and a shiver ran down his spine at the thought. who was vector? he'd been in the room earlier, vscyla had mentioned his name. but a doctor? was there one? and what would they do to him? "stay there, and don't move a muscle. i'd be disappointed if my present escaped the phantom before i could gift it."

-

scy'arla's only thought was that in the time she'd gotten to know cipher nine's companions since her arrival on the phantom was that vector was too much of a sweetheart to do any real damage to her younger brother, and the doctor wouldn't know where to start with the likes of him. however, she could nearly feel the childish fear radiating off of the major, and she smirked. she still had power over him, as she always had.

and this? ran much deeper than fighting for her faction.

blood was always thicker than water.

-

translations (in ryl):

eoh merra - little brother

milry numa - older sister

and the forehead touching thing that elara researched? a bit of a headcanon i found while writing this chapter, which is here << i thought it was rather fascinating, and included it. it seems elara would research such a thing for her lover.

[nicolemagolan]

Books I Read In June 2019

This month was nearly entirely dominated by science-fiction, but Nicholas Eames’ high fantasy novel prevented that. I have no regrets! Not a wholly satisfactory reading month, as these books ranged from excellent to underwhelming. Read on to find out which was which!

Sand by Hugh Howey

3.5/5 stars

“And so it went, sand piling up to the heavens and homes sinking toward hell.”

Sand is a sci-fi story in the same vein as Howey's previous Wool series, set in a scary dystopian future. This one, however, despite being exceptionally well-written, falls short of greatness.

The plot doesn't ever seem to go anywhere -- nowhere interesting anyway. There is a lackluster feeling to the world-building, and a lack of threat because of this. In this world, the characters live in a desert, and make their living by diving through sand as if it's water to collect treasures buried under the dunes. An interesting concept, but the society around it was not explained much, and I am left unsure of how their society actually functions.

The characters were great though. The focus was on a family of 4 siblings, and I loved seeing their dynamics and how they played off each other. There was a lot a nuance to the characters and their relationships.

Hugh Howey is an excellent writer. There were so many beautifully crafted sentences and paragraphs, and riveting action scenes. The dive scenes were horrifying and enthralling. I was constantly in awe of how good Howey's writing style is. Despite the lack of world building, Sand developed a gritty atmosphere that I enjoyed. I'm looking forward to reading more of his work, but I hope they're more balanced.

I was under the impression that Sand tied into Wool in some way, but I couldn't find a connection. It's possible that the buried cities are the Silo's, but it wasn't used for any effect. Could have been any old city, and it wouldn't make a difference. I was disappointed at the false advertising.All in all, I would recommend the Wool trilogy over this. But, if you read and enjoyed that this might just fill the void.

The Walking Dead, Issue #192: Aftermath by Robert Kirkman, Charlie Adlard (Cover Art), Dave Stewart (Cover Art), Stefano Gaudiano (Artist), Cliff Rathburn (Artist)

5/5 stars

I can't believe they actually did the thing. This issue is brilliant. I don't have anything else I could possibly say.

Star Wars Battlefront II: Inferno Squad by Christie Golden

4/5 stars

“It���s all for the glory of the Empire, honey, and don’t you forget it.”

Another win for the new Star Wars canon! Inferno Squad is a gripping tale of undercover imperial agents going undercover in the Rebellion to find out where or who is leaking top secret information. It's somewhat lacking in true white-knuckle action, but it makes up for that with well-developed and distinct characters. Iden Versio, the lead character, at first seems like the typical Empire-loving, cold, and one-dimensional trooper that we're familiar with in Star Wars canon. But as the story unfolds, her character builds into a complex, intriguing, and empathetic -- and yet still rather cold -- lead. 

I was worried this would be a typical, cheesy story of an imperial agent suddenly realising the error of their ways and joining the rebels...but that wasn't the case. Nor was it completely a one-note "the Empire is always right" perspective; there was enough nuance to keep it compelling. 

As for the other characters, they were all fine, and developed individuality. But I didn't feel there were any other standouts. 

There were a few cringey moments within the writing style -- MULTIPLE instances of "they let out a breath they didn't know they were holding"...Can we let this overused line die, PLEASE. And descriptions were a bit lackluster. But for a Star Wars novel, I would say it was actually pretty decent.

I highly recommend this to Star Wars fans!

Kings of the Wyld by Nicholas Eames 

4/5 stars

“As individuals they were each of them fallible, discordant as notes without harmony. But as a band they were something more, something perfect in its own intangible way.”

Kings of the Wyld is an epic romp through a world both colourful and gritty. It has incredibly balanced flavours of Rock & Roll and hard-hitting fantasy. Plus, it's hilarious. And heartfelt. And totally badass.

Okay, Kings of the Wyld is a little vulgar for my tastes. The language and gore doesn't pull punches, and the depiction of female characters is sometimes over-sexualised. Not always though, thankfully, and it's usually for some purpose. 

The world-building is wack. The fantasy setting feels like it's being pieced together with bright lego bricks as you read, but sometimes instead of sticking together lego, you're just getting pelted with mud. Information about the world is dropped in dialogue and metaphor as if you already have any clue what they're talking about. Sometimes it works, sometimes it's overwhelming. The informal and funny style of writing gives it a cartoony feel (and I don't mean that in a negative way), and it feels very original while still reshaping classic tropes and paying homage to the greats.

But the characters. The characters. The story follows this group of old warriors, getting their mercenary band back together long after their glory days are over. They've settled down and had families, become fat and drunk, gone a bit mad. And when one of their daughters is in mortal danger, they reunite to take on the impossible quest to save her. 

The lead character is Clay Cooper: the sweetest, most wholesome murderer you'll ever meet. Easy to root for, plenty of compelling back-story to dig into, and snarky comments galore.

My second favourite is the wizard Moog. He is a total weirdo and he knows it. I love how ridiculous and passionate he is.

There's Mattrick, who's become a sad, fat King with a terrible marriage and kids that aren't his. But he's still a menace with his knives.

Gabriel is the leader of the group, and the one who is trying to find his daughter. He was one of the less-developed characters, but it worked because he was wholly focused on his daughter. His love for her was nice.

Lastly there's Ganelon, the terrifying warrior with no emotions. Except there are emotions! The scenes showing his vulnerability are fantastic, but where he truly shines is the battlefield.

The comradeship of the band is so natural and entertaining. Their relationships felt fully developed and like they had real history. They are so easy to root for!

The plot does plod a bit, with a bunch of mini-quests along the way that begin to drag towards the end. I think one or two of the little adventures could have been cut-down for the sake of building towards the epic final battle and touching conclusion.

I'll definitely be looking out for more from this author. And if you want a fantasy novel that's a little something different, definitely give this a go!

Brightly Burning by Alexa Donne

2/5 stars

Brightly Burning is a retelling of the classic Jane Eyre, but set in space! Wooooo! I don't know why I thought I would like this. It does exactly what it says on the tin. It has the plot, characters, and atmosphere of Jane Eyre. But when a character looks out a window...it's space. Maybe if I was a huge fan of the original story, I would be able to appreciate this re-imagining of it. But I don't think Brightly Burning did anything exceptionally interesting with the premise. The language is full of modern colloquialisms that are weirdly balanced with the futuristic world building. It often feels cheesy or just plain silly to me, but this is much lighter sci-fi than I anticipated. I'm kinda dumb though, because of course it's a fluffy/angsty/tropey romance and not a compelling, twisty, or fresh sci-fi take on the classic story. It serves its purpose and it does so with moderate success. me @ me, closing this book:

Sleeping Giants by Sylvain Neuvel

3/5 stars

Sleeping Giants is..........good? I guess? It's a kinda entertaining sci-fi tale told through interviews, self-recorded journals and other audio files. It follows a cast of mostly-military characters as they discover and search for the scattered remains of some strange and potentially alien technology. This premise could really be taken in any direction...unfortunately the compelling concept is bogged down by a dumb LOVE TRIANGLE. Whyyyyy. Minor spoiler territory here, but it becomes clear early on that the alien tech is essentially a mech-style robot thingy. I am wondering how anime it's gonna get, when one of the characters is like 'gee, this sure is something out of Star Wars huh.' GIRL WHAT. No. It really isn't. Anywayyy I love the title, and the cover, and the characters are well-developed. Nothing of real interest happens within the story to be honest, and the ending is kinda lame. I'm not interested in the sequels but I appreciated my time with the audiobook -- it has a full and talented cast.

My reading hopes for next month are high as Semester 1 is over and my holiday has begun! I have big reading plans, folks. Big plans. Like, 5,000 page plans. :) 

Have you read any of these books? Let me know what you thought of them!

[raybansandcoffee]

First Paragraph Tag Game

I was tagged by @bysombreseas  on this and I’m finally getting around to doing it. The game is to post the first paragraph/paragraphs of something you have not shared yet and then tag other people. Side note @bysombreseas I loved what you wrote! You rock.

It’s taken me FOR-EV-ER to do this because what I’m writing didn’t have a title until TODAY! My go-to editor @pumpkinyall came through with the help of narrowing it down for me. We also all know that I suck about following the rules so I’m not going to share a paragraph, I’m going to share the first full page of one of the chapters I’ve written for this puppy.

*****

I quickly hit send on the email I’d been typing on my phone as soon as I heard the bell ring. I shut off the car, grabbed my purse and got out to go grab Ellie from the sidewalk where she knew to meet me. I slid my phone into my back pocket and pulled my sunglasses down from where they’d been resting in my hair. It wasn’t long before the kids started running out. It wasn’t the orderly filing I was used to. It was last day adrenaline rush running with a lot of yelling and talking added in. I remembered how the last day of school felt as a kid, I got why they were so excited. An entire summer to do whatever they wanted.

“Hey there munchkin. How was your last day of school?” I asked as the five-year-old girl with brown hair and brown eyes who ran and jumped into my arms. 

“It was fun and I’m so happy for summer!”

“I am too. We have so many exciting things to do this summer, Ellie Bellie.” I squeezed her tightly before putting her back down on the ground.

“Hey Ellie, my Dad said that if it was okay with your Mom that you could come over tomorrow.” The little girl was right about Ellie’s height and had a smile that lit up her entire face.

“Uh…Mom, can I go to Ava’s house tomorrow?” Her little eyes looked up at mine filled with hope, she’d hesitated when she spoke. This year had been extremely hard on all of us. For Ellie going through everything we had would’ve been tough enough but she had to start kindergarten and find friends at not only a new school but in our new town, it had been tricky for her. 

“Well, I think we could do that.”

“Daddy! Ellie’s Mom said it was okay.” Ava yelled as she had turned to look towards what I assumed was her father. He leaning against a very large black truck with a black leather jacket on and his eyes hidden behind aviator sunglasses. As his daughter spoke his face broke into a giant smile.

“Great!” he replied as he started to walk over. “Hi, I’m Jeremy, Ava’s Dad.” He slid his sunglasses up into his hair and it was that moment that I put everything together. Ava Renner. Dad named Jeremy. Dad with gorgeous blue eyes. Her Dad is Jeremy Fucking Renner.

“Hi, I’m Ellie’s Mom, Charlotte.” Saying that still seemed odd, but it was becoming a little easier every time I said it. “I have heard so much about Ava from Ellie.”

“Likewise, I thought with school being out that maybe the girls could have a playdate. Staying in touch over summer is always important.”

*****

Yup. The first page of a chapter. Not even the first page of the book. I’m good at being evil when I feel like it. This thing, that now has a name, is so far out of my fucking wheelhouse. I mean there’s SO MANY new characters. There’s kids and we all know I’m childless and have sworn to remain that way for the remainder of my life. 

But here are the positives: 

I am writing a character near my age! I am actually a little bit younger than my main character.

There will be romance but it’s not going to be in your face immediately.

The friendships are going to be a huge focus.

It’s still going to have the same sense of humor that my narrators have.

I get to embrace my Marvel obsession by using an actor from the MCU as my main male character. I’ve watched a LOT of Marvel movies, youtube videos, and stuff. Though if you’ve read anything I write I don’t really take their real personality into it too much. Though with Jeremy I do intend on using aspects like he’s a Dad (which is hot despite me being #childlessforlife).

I have a fun new location to write and research because YES.

It is making me enjoy writing again. As much as I love London Calling, A New Life in New York, and In the Heat of Los Angeles/When Will You Save Me, Los Angeles I needed a break. Harry wasn’t inspiring my creative need anymore. I needed someting new and this was it. Trust me. I got a few hundred words into a Chris Evans piece and into a Michael B. Jordan piece that maybe someday will get love but for now it’s this. Watch out in the near future as I’ll be debuting the name, cover art, and start publishing this soon. Well at least if there’s any interest in it.

Oh and I’m not tagging anyone because I know the pressure that not being sure what to publish can do. So I’m going to say if you see this and you want to post something post it and tag me. I need new writers, fic authors, anthing to follow and read.

I hope you all loved this. I’ve got 17,213 words written and the house completely to myself tonight so I’m going to crank some tunes and write.  If you feel so inclined hit me up and keep me company.

[inkedcrystal]

This critic is just as bad as the book

Why does this book exist?

The Boy Who Sneaks in My Bedroom Window written by Kirsty Moseley. I really don't know where to start. I dived into this book as it was going to be a teen romance maybe with a dash of drama. Who doesn't like that, right? The girl falls in love with the boy who seems to be out of reach and this love is going to be only one-sided. Boy, I was wrong.  

 Let's start at the beginning, shall we? We meet Amber a sixteen years old high school student who is abused – not jot physically but sexually as well – by her father  (and abuses the mother as well, but it isn’t relevant to the story). Her older brother, Jake (a popular hockey player in the school), tries to save her from the beatings but doesn’t know about his father’s sexually filled dream including his sister. 

A dark plot to unfold, right? You might think, Eszter why do you – potentially – hate this story then? Let me tell you. After the first few pages, I had very high expectations from the book. Family abuse is an important topic to discuss even if it's about an imaginary family. According to Abuse Law, it could be: "… everything from domestic violence to sexual exploitation taking place within a family home." Now then, we have a character that is overruled and used by her father. In the story at one point, he is about to rape her (she is aged thirteen) when her brother interrupts him, beat the life out of the father and save the girl. From that point, the father is out of the picture because the brother (who is sixteen or fifteen at that time) threatens the father with calling the police if he doesn’t get the heck out of the house, leaving them alone. Father leaves, they are happy. From now on the story is going downhill. I know, how you ask.

 Amber and Jake do not tell everyone about the incident, even their mother is kept in the dark. Like why? You are thirteen, you were constantly abused, almost raped by your father and you are telling me you don’t need any therapy for that?

 Moseley fasts forward to eight years later when Amber is sixteen and has some problems. She doesn't like to be touched by a stranger, only lets her friends and brother hug her, etc…

Are you surprised? I am certainly not. But who needs therapy right?

 Now then, after accepting that this story is going to make no sense, let us dive into the romantic part of it.

Amber, like every normal teenager, thinks love is important… or at least having a boyfriend in high school. There is a boy, named Liam who is the most popular student; he is hot, athletic and girls drool over him like crazy. Although Amber pays little attention to him, he annoys her all the time. Like boys did in kindergarten when they liked someone. It's cute, isn't it? But there's a twist, which is pretty obvious from the beginning but I purposely missed out on it.

So Amber and Liam sleep together. No, not the way you think. They share a bed. Why, since, what?  In the first chapter, we learn everything about the abuse and violence also we got to know that Liam – who is Jakes best friend, also play hockey – live next door and sees six-year-old Amber crying in her bedroom after a rough dinner with her father. He sneaks into the room and comforts her. They fall asleep together and since then they sleep together. (Liam leaves before anyone could notice.) 

 How come then, the boy-next-door is possibly a rock to Amber without any feelings? First, she seems pretty uninterested in Liam and the boy changes one-night-stands like I change underwear….Yeah, every night… So there is no way they get together. But wait, here's a plot twist! Liam confesses his love towards the girl on a party – hold in Amber's house – and they hit it off. Okay, they just have a hot make-out session, but here's my problem. If Amber says she has a problem with being touched (and I am aware of the fact that Liam slept with her several times) how come that kissing a boy who is clearly hormone-driven is fine? Although Amber stops him from taking the lead and potentially going too far and Liam saying he waited years for this, he could wait for eternity too I still did not believe him. And a healthy – or not that healthy mind – after this statement would think about being too prude about sex, right?  Or it is just me and my anxiety, who knows.

 So they got together but keeping it secret because Amber's brother wouldn't approve it. (Here I have to mention Jake is also a hormone-driven bunny having fun with girls, just you know he isn't the perfect and protective brother.) But it isn't easy. Girls linger around Liam like flies around….you know what and it makes Amber quite jealous. So Liam tells everyone that he has a girlfriend to which the people react that she must be a good company in bed. Liam's answer to that is simple: he tells them that he hasn't had sex with the girl. This, in a normal universe, is totally fine. But in this high school, the most popular girl starts a bet: everybody who participates has to give in twenty bucks and the winner who sleeps with Liam gets the money. Simple as that. So when Amber hears about it she decides to join in the party and to keep up the image of trying to win Liam's dick…I mean heart she starts seducing him in front of everyone. Does it work? Of course, the boy is head over heels. Does it make sense? No. Let's not forget that Amber was sexually abused and mentally damaged. Or at least she should be. But no, she is playing the succubus (google it) while not giving any to Liam. No, my problem is not with the whole sex pact-bet thing. But the fact that she stepped out of her comfort zone so suddenly, makes me think that Moseley has no idea how an abused person gets through the experienced trauma.

So this goes on for a week; playing with Liam's head and pissing off all the girls who try to do the same. They eventually got together and sleep with each other. This time, properly. Do I have a problem with that? No. However, I didn't forget that Amber gave herself to Liam even though she mentions the experience with her dad has never left her. Now…is three years enough for a kid without a psychologist to process the experience? In my opinion; no! No one should go through something like domestic and sexual abuse and certainly not to keep it to oneself. The trauma should be treated with the help of professional and not with dark Tumblr quotes. Prove me wrong, but this is a major plot hole. Moseley doesn’t pay enough attention to Amber’s mental health in this situation. Even if Liam was a great guy and cared about her…She was still alone with her untreated trauma. It should not have been that easy.

 Moving on; Liam and she go public, Amber gets the money (which is over four thousand dollars, don’t even get me started) and they are all over each other. Happy end, like in every teen romance. Well, not exactly. Amber’s dad shows up in town with his new family: a new wife, a step-son and a baby boy of his own. You might think, great, here comes the drama part. Oh, it’s more and deeper than you think. Daddy (don’t!) told everything about his ex-family except the fact that he almost raped Amber and missed out on all the abuse. His step-son Johnny gets to know Amber and even though they get on pretty well neither of them wants to talk about their father. Wonder why? As the story "progresses" we find out that Daddy hasn't changed, still loves Amber (she visits Johnny when Daddy doesn't suppose to be there and he confesses that she looks like a great snack…) and beats the hell out of both his new wife and step-son.  

Amber has switched on the danger button and the party train does not stop here. She finds out she is pregnant but she was on the pill. How then? Well let me tell you, this was the most WTF part of the whole book. Her gynaecologist misinformed her about the contraceptive and Amber started to take the pills on a wrong day. My question is how can a doctor, a professional make such a huge mistake. And, no I don't think to have a baby – even if you are in high school – is a mistake, since creating life is amazing but the doctor should know how each kind of pills work. 

So Amber is pregnant, circa five weeks into it and she is freaking out. Her abusive father is back in town, she’s having a baby and still in high school. Life could not be more complicated.

But here’s more. After Amber visited Johnny and met her father, Jake was pretty angry. He told off Amber even though it wasn’t her fault that Daddy unexpectedly showed up. After this, they find out the whole Dad-is-still-abusive situation and while Amber is at school Jake and Liam help Johnny and his family to pack their things and move them into Amber's home while Daddy is out of town. The saving expedition goes well, well, sort of. Daddy (okay, his name is Stephen but it's such a lame name) arrives at an empty home. Somehow he knows that Jake has something to do with it and goes to their house in a very drunk and angry state. Before he could arrive Liam takes Amber into his house and makes her promise that she doesn’t move until Daddy leaves. 

What do you think? A) Amber stays patient or B) Tries to save the day. If you chose B) it’s your lucky day because Amber is the heroine who thinks she is capable of anything. For this heroic act, she gets few bruises and a big hit into her stomach. 

Yeah, right there.

 You can guess what happens next. Liam breaks Daddy's nose, Amber loses her baby and Daddy files a report against Liam, he's in custody and against the doctor's advice, Amber leaves the hospital to talk with her father. He has a condition: Amber leaves with him and they live together. First of all, gross, how dare you. Second, Amber records the conversation about her father confessing all the abuse and raping attempt so it's time for her to threaten Daddy with sending it to the police it doesn't leave for good.  During this heated situation Jake shows up, takes Amber home and they live happily ever after.  

 Moseley jumps to five years later when Amber graduates from college; she is still with Liam who became a superstar hockey player. We find out that Daddy is in jail for fraud and attempted rape, so he gets what he deserves. 

 Let's see how this book fails to live up to any expectations:[ 

-          The writer pays so little attention to Amber's mental health, she doesn't even attempt to give a girl a chance to process the trauma. It might be for the tension, I know it is hard to deal with these things alone is pretty hard but Amber was a kid when it happened to her. A thirteen-year-old has such little knowledge about sex and sexuality (at least I wasn't very aware of these things back then).

-          Keeping secrets; like the attempted rape. No! Do not deal with it alone! Get help! I am serious.

-          The characters: they have the depths of a dried out river. Jake is overprotective and the only emotion that I could detect was a millisecond of jealousy when Amber’s friend flirted with someone else. Liam is like a puppy in love and he is said to be the perfect boyfriend (like that exists). Amber…well, I think you get it.

-          Though Amber stated that physical interaction is hard for her she slept with Liam after a week. If you are really messed up, no one, I repeat no one could get so close to you that all the wall that you built up to protect yourself fall down like it was made out of feathers. And more: she said she feels like a slut after giving in so early. Girl…girl!  Even if you have sex with your partner after the first date you are not a slut. If it’s a one-time thing that doesn’t make you a whore either. This statement felt like Amber thinks really little about herself. In the twenty-first century, why would someone popularize such thought? 

 All in all, I think I should have never read this book. The title suggests an easy reading about teen love and maybe a hint of drama but with the first chapter it surprises you with the dark past of the main character and gives you hope that it's going to be a great story about fighting demons and getting over the trauma. Even though, it presented you a strong base of a story which could shine some light on an important topic but Moseley takes a turn into the woods of clichés and  creates a cheesy tale of the girl whose problematic past is only mentioned a few times up until the moment that it catches up with her and almost buries her as a tsunami.

My advice is, read it if you want your mind to catch on fire. Other than that, it would be a great fanfiction.

xxx

Eszter // InkedCrystal

PS: I have no hatred towards Moseley. I think she has to improve, that’s all.