#this is what i'm wearing today on all levels except physical

[writers-potion]

Writing Female Fighters

The Heroine Must. Fight.

Today's female protagonists cannot sit on the side crying and breaking down or whimpering as the battle ensues.

Readers want to see autonomous female fighters who can at least defense themselves with courage and adequate skill.

Not all women are the same, but the heroine should get her butt moving.

Less Muscle, but More Flexibilty

The average woman is shorter than the average man, which makes it more difficult to wield a long sword or slam something down on the opponent's head.

A woman who works out can plausibly be stronger than a male couch potato, but if her male counterpart works out as much as her, the man is going to be much stronger.

On the other hand, the center of gravity in a woman's body is lower than a man's which makes it harder to knock her off her feet.

She is also more flexible, which gives her advantage in grappling fights, making use of complex landscapes, or deflecting blows.

A woman's small size can also be an advantage if her opponent has only ever trained with male opponents. His big hands might not get a good grip on her slender limbs.

In historical fiction, giving your heroine good muscule build can be tricky as exercise was generally considered harmful for women, with some exceptions for horseriding any maybe archery at best.

In such cases, make your heroine an accomplished dancer or an eager horsewoman, or the only girl whose father considered to be son replacement and thus, gave her a boy's education.

Women of lower classes who couldn't afford to be fashionably weak will be plausibly stronger, perhaps even more than an idle gentleman.

More Room for Negotiation, but Prolonged Ruthlessness

In the Suspense part of your fight scene, females are more likely to negotiate and talk more, strategically trying to descalate the situation rather than attacking on a momentary impulse.

Generally, women are less aggressive than men and remain level-headed longer than her male counterparts, opting for non-violent methods first before using force.

Exceptions apply if she is trying to protect her children (or someone who she cares for as a child). Mothers can be tigresses.

A female pre-fight conversation may be: "If you had not done so-and-so and betrayed me with so-and-so, we could have been good friends as I thought we would be." "What do you mean? It was in fact you who brought bad blood between us. I can still hear you laughing with so-and-so, taunting me, purposefully making me look bad -" "But that was so long ago! If you want me to say sorry about something so insignificant, you should have just said so: I'm sorry. There. Satisfied?" "Ha! I can't believe you say that so easily. You still don't get it, do you?" "Who's being petty and unreasonable now?"

A male pre-fight conversation will be shorter: "Who's the coward now?" "You're wrong." "Prove it." "Bastard."

Compared to men, it will take more time for a woman's fight hormones (adrenaline, neurotransmitters and such) to kick in.

She would be slower to engage initially, throwing reluctant punches and thinking, but she'll grow more and more violent and lose all rational thought and compassion, and once she's in full flow, may not stop even when her opponent begs for mercy.

When writing a male-female duo, you can show him going for the first blow while she observes and strategizes first. When he's past his peak and panting, she is flying about left and right. Later when the tension wears off and she becomes wobbly and teary, she can rely on him to have recovered faster and distract other teammates so that they won't see her cry.

Plausible Skills and Backstory

In many cultures and time periods, the general attitude of society towards girls is that they have no place in fist fights or martial arts, unlike how it is encouraged for boys of the same age. So if your heroine has physical prowess that surpasses typical 'fitness' or is hidden, build a backstory of how she's obtained it.

For modern heroines, it can be as simple as signing her up for martial arts classes or yearly membership at the local gym. For historical fiction or girls with strict 'feminine' upbringing, it can be trickier.

It can be related to profession: maybe she was an erotic wrestler, catfighter, or an assasin who thought killing was more honorable than prostitution. They may have dabbles with it for a short time and is now trying to hide their past from their respectable employer or fiance.

It can be family backstory: Perhaps her mother was an accomplished martial artist or she had to fend for younger siblings on the streets from an early age. Maybe she was the only girl in a family of many boys who refused to be the punching bag.

Inexperienced Female Fighters

A woman with no fighting experience or training is likely to resort to one of these on instinct:

Try to talk herself out of the situation, attempting to persuade or negotiate for her life.

Grab something to use as a weapon. This instinct seems to be stronger for women than it is in men.

Use her hands to try and break free, or kick (often wth little success)

Pull hair

Scratch.

In a serious fight, pulling hair and scratching won't be helpful, except when the police come to find her body, they would find the opponent's DNA under her fingernails.

Plausible Weapons and Clothing

All of the above applies to scenes where both parties have no weapons, or has the bare minimum (like one dagger each).

Weapons are equalizers, and if your heroine is pointing a gun at her opponent she will definitely NOT hesitate to be the one to shoot first.

When giving your female character a weapon, choose one she can plausibly use. It would take an unusually brawny woman to wield a great medieval longsword.

For historical fiction, give your heroine something she'll plausibly own. Swords and firearm were a no-go for women, but archery was borderline acceptable.

For clothing starters, you definitely CAN NOT dress her in a tight miniskirt and chainmail bra with long, flowy hair and multiple silver chockers. Unless she's trying to seduce her way into her opponent's bedroom, and he has a chainmail bra fetish.

A practical heroine will have her thighs covered, preferably with leather but at least with fabric, since a lot of blood flows through the thighs and a slash would be critical.

She'll keep her hair tied, tucked under a helmet, braided back, etc. so that it won't impede her vision.

She'll support her breasts with a strong sport bra. In a historical eprioid, she'll either tie her breasts tight with a fabric bandage or support them with some kind of leather corset.

Invent a female version of male fighter clothing of the time you are writing about if it doesn't exist.

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[ashleywool]

"I LOVED THAT SHOW"

I wore my How to Dance in Ohio hoodie to church today. It's Palm Sunday and we did our customary palm procession from Duffy Square into the building, which is nice and all except winter decided to come back and bite my skin off again...so that sweatshirt seemed like the best choice as warm enough for the weather + can fit under my choir robe + won't get swelteringly uncomfortable once we're inside at the service. It did the job. Truly the ultimate transition piece. Get yours today while supplies last.

At fellowship afterwards, someone from the congregation that I didn't know--she's only in NYC part of the year--pointed out my sweatshirt and said "I LOVED THAT SHOW!"

It took her a moment to recognize me (she initially confused me for Madison, which, yeah that happens, I'll never be mad about it), and we had a lovely chat about the show. And what I noticed after walking away was...the subject of autism, or me being autistic, didn't come up at all.

I love and cherish the advocacy aspect of my work on HTDIO. I love and cherish the opportunity it gave me to be the autistic representation I wished I'd had growing up. But I have to say, it was SO nice to have someone, a total stranger, talking about the show and loving the show independent of The Autism Part.

It was wonderful being part of discussions about diverse representation, and I will never turn down opportunities to eagerly participate in those conversations. But I really wanted us to stick around long enough that the "novelty" aspect of "autistic characters played by autistic actors" (or even "canonically nonbinary/genderqueer characters") would wear off sufficiently for more people, so they could focus on the story and the characters and the music and all the other things that make our show great irrespective of the Representation aspect.

I've had a ROUGH few weeks, y'all. Truthfully, I've been going through one of the worst depressive episodes of my life. Aside from the obvious grief factor and logistical stressors, it turns out that post-operative depression is absolutely a thing. While I'd like to think I'm cognitively and emotionally mature enough to handle this level of change, especially considering how lucky I am to have robust support systems in family, friends, and healthcare practitioners, my very autistic nervous system has had a difficult time letting the sympathetic part cooperate with the parasympathetic part. So I've been a ball of tension, exhaustion, and worst of all, that soul-sucking apathy where nothing seems enjoyable or interesting, but maybe it would be if I had the energy to be interested.

It's helped to find a great physical therapy clinic that is giving me comprehensive, multi-pronged care and NOT charging me copays (because apparently my insurance pays them excellently--thank you, Equity-League and Cigna). It's helped that I got back in touch with a therapist I had seen years ago on BetterHelp (she's since left the platform and honestly, GOOD FOR HER). It's helped that I have parents with the means to help me out financially--and, crucially, the means to keep me accountable without resorting to pressure and guilt-tripping. It's helped to still live in a city where financial assistance isn't excruciatingly hard to come by if all else fails (at least compared to other states). It's helped to have agents submitting me for tons of exciting projects, and having several cabarets and readings to look forward to in this time of transition. It's helped to have a really chill, supportive church community keeping me spiritually grounded without buying into the yt American evangelical toxicity. It's helped to have my cats.

But sometimes, what makes me the happiest of all, is hearing "I LOVED THAT SHOW!"

I'll never not be proud to be known for How to Dance in Ohio and everything we stood for. I'm proud that the love was real, and the quality of the material reflected and reverberated that love. I'm proud of the representation aspect, and I'm proud that it wasn't just about that. And people who saw it, saw all of that.

It's so comforting to know that we shared this show with enough people that it's going to continue to matter.

People aren't going to forget.

I love that for us.

By the way, it was too cold to really show it off, but this is the shirt I wore underneath the sweatshirt. :)

[harveybwabbit92]

Zoffy: Miss Yuri, I'd like for you to confirm something for me since we last talked.

Akari: What is it?

Zoffy: Seven, has informed me about the existence of children who have been genetically altered with Kaiju genes, why hadn't you mention this before?

[Akari shot her dad a look that caused him to flinch it was same look Anne gave him whenever he did something wrong.]

Akari, Turns her attention back to Zoffy: I'm sorry sir, but that's not my story to tell. You'll have to talk to your daughter about that...that is if she'll even talk at all.

Zoffy: Well, I'm sure she'll make an except-

Akari: No, I don't think you get it, sir.

Zoffy:

Akari: I've seen the files, What- (deep breath)..What the Morimoto sisters went through? Made my whole childhood look like a frickin' picnic at the beach in comparison. I'm talking full mental and physical tortures that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy...And there were others.

Hikari: You mean Zoffy and Leo weren't the only ones cloned?

Akari, shook her head: They clone all of the ultra brothers, I won't go into full details. but... Nayaka and Mile were the only survivors left by the time the Ultra Guard found out about them.

Man: Do you have any info on the other children?

Akari: Mile sent me some audio files by accident, she made me do a full wipe of my comm-unit *Waves the watch like computer on her wrist.* I missed one of them. I just never bothered to delete it, I dunno why.

Zoffy: May we listen to it?

Akari:......This doesn't leave this room.

{The ultra brothers reluctantly nodded as Akari played the audio the voice of a stern old man identifying himself as Dr. Ozma filled the room.]

{[Dr. Ozma: Now, one of the children managed to dart past the guards today and threw herself over the railing in the lobby. Not certain if she was trying to end her own life or… or merely escape. But either way, her legs had healed by the time I managed to get down to the first floor where she lay. Now, without proper setting, the rapid healing process had fused her bones back together at odd angles. We had to re-break and set them almost a dozen times each due to the small window of viability. Now, those children may be almost immortal, but I can verify, they feel pain. Advising Director Heiwajima on higher doses of sedatives to keep this from happening again.]}

[Akari stops the audio, as the rooms atmosphere grew tense.]

Ace: Akari...Did they find all the people responsible for this cloning project?

Akari: No, but they're on the UFG's most wanted list at a high priority level that's capture or kill on sight if they resist.

Taro: Do you have copy of that list?

Akari: Not at the moment.

Jack: That's a shame. We gotta do all the work ourselves.

{Akari has a feeling she may have just opened Pandora's box.]

-------------------

The child that tried to escape was Leo's daughter, Mile. The scars from that ordeal still show up in her ultra form on her legs as silvery tiger stripe like markings. in her human form Mile is very self-conscious about her scars, that she is always seen wearing, tights with long skirts or dresses to hide her legs.

[mstrickynici]

So I've been playing Forspoken for 2 days and I gotta say I don't understand why people hate on it so much (at least for the things they claim to hate, im pretty sure they dislike it for other reasons... ).

The world and characters are interesting. The story till now is great too, enough that I'll bingeplay it till its over for sure. The battle system is nice. The map is gigantic. Graphics and physics are good. The dialoge isn't any worse than a lot of other games.

Haven't encountered any bugs so far.

Only thing I don't like is the small font and wasting a lot of space instead of making the panels bigger. I'm playing on a ps5 on TV and sometimes I have to squint my eyes to read anything. Not talking about the subtitles, those are fine. But everything else...

All in all a great fantasy game with a magic based fighting style and parkour.

A well rounded single player rpg. I really don't get all the hate. A game doesn't have to be a masterpiece to be enjoyable.

Also there are a lot of cats. U can pet them. They cuddle with you when you sleep.

Definitely recommend it.

Edit1:

SOME SPOILERS AHEAD!!! Nothing major, but things about the environment and other small stuff.

First the somewhat negative stuff, which there is more than I had hoped.

Now that I've played some more I have to admit it gets somewhat repetitive, if you want to explore a lot. There are no real side quests, just some interactions in the main city and one fetch quest.

Especially the photo quest. It doesn't matter what pictures or how many you make, they always interact the same. Say the same line. There was a point in the story where people die and they still cheerily ask for their pictures. Normally I wouldn't care about that, but because there are no real side quests, this one just stands out.

And now that I'm near the end I've got to say that the main quest seems rather short. It's basically watch this interaction, watch another interaction, go here, another interaction, go fight the Boss.

Due to the story the only character interactions are in the main city, or when you meet one of the bosses, which I think there are four. I've defeated two and am on my way to the third and its chapter 11 of 12.

So other than "Cuff" making remarks its a gigantic open world, but only enemies to interact (fight) with.

It is an open world rpg, I know that. But the lack of side quests and the repetitive exploration locations dont really fill the story out.

The items you get (Cloaks/necklaces) aren't that rewarding either, because you can level up each one as much as you want (the max lvl for all items is the same) and apply any perks to any clothing item. The only thing that changes is the appearance. Exception to this is the nailpolish.

An example from today: I just fought a really hard boss and got a new cloak. Because I leveled up the one I'm already wearing its got double the stats than the one I got after the fight. And that's kinda disappointing, because that's been the case with every item I got until now. The only thing you really get are the perks the clothing item has, so you can use it on others; and the new appearance.

Positives: Still no bugs. Even if I get stuck somewhere I'll always get out in a second. The parkour and fighting gets better and better the farther you get in the story. The locations are stunning to look at. The floating rocks you can jump around on are definetly one of my favorite places. The story is still interesting, and I'm looking forward to the conclusion.

I also like that you get a little exp. when interacting with some people during story events. I wouldnt call them side quests, because you just talk with a character. But it's still nice.

Also all the cats you meet hang out in your home after you befriend them. I think I have 8 hanging out in my little house now. And there are more. Gotta collect them all and see how they all gonna fit in there.

Gonna write the second edit and make my verdict when I finish the game. But right now I'd say for what i got it was too expensive. I would have still bought it, but when it was on sale.

Edit 2: oh boy

I really, really wanted to love this game and say mostly good things about it, but I'd be lying if I did.

MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD!

The story ending was kinda dissapointing and mediocre. I could see the big plot reveals from pretty much the beginning and was hoping I'd be wrong and that itd be intentionally misleading. But no, it was like I thought, and not in a "AHA, I knew it!" triumphant kind of way. It was so obvious who the big bad is.

The last fight was also kinda meh. There was an instance where you fight while standing on a dragon, and I was stoked, hoping there'd be parkouring involved. Or just flying around. But no, the dragon hovers static in the air and you point and shoot at targets, like one of those carnival shooting games. It doesn't even move a bit.

Big, big plus point though: There are epiloge quests. The story is not over after the main boss fight, it goes on a little bit and you can explore everywhere. That's good for me, because with most games I lose interest as soon as the main storyline is over.

Also apparently the point of no return is actually in chapter 11 and there is no real warning except the normal "Frey enters new story chapter" warning. Because you lose some abilities that you only get back after finishing the game, some warning would have been nice.

Also the abilities you gain from boss Nr. 3 you can't really use freely until after the main story is over. So if you stop playing after the main story ends you've got a barely used magic skill tree. I'm sure they put a lot of work in those spells, so seeing an entire branch practically unused seems wasteful.

Putting all that and the last region in the epiloge, when a lot of people will probably not play much past it doesn't seem very smart.

There's also a quest where you fight the main bosses again. No difference. Just the same cutscenes and the sane fight.

I hate the dancing quest with a passion. Nevermind it's the same dance 4 times, just with more Button prompts. The 3 and 4 times are so fast, and as soon as you hit one wrong button, the dance is over. You can't skip the cutscenes. So you have to start again and again and again. Because you don't know what next button to press. Couldn't they just let you finish the dance even if you failed a few steps? Just so you can learn the sequences?

Downside to this after story playing is also character interactions. With Cuff. You'd think there would be some major difference, but no, for the most part the interactions and talks are the same, which I find baffling. Why didn't they change them? It's at times like nothing happened.

There's also a choice, before the boss fight.

It's fight the Boss, or go back to New York.

I'll reload and try the New York option, just to see how that will turn out.

Maybe there'll be Edit 3, after I've played some more.

Edit 3: if you choose the New York option it's a 5 second clip with her carrying her cat down the street. Then the credits roll... Wow.

[countrymusiclover]

6 - Saltzman Family Reunion

Part 7

Family is More than Blood

@secretdreamlandmentality

Today was a big day for Lizzie and Josie since they were turning sixteen. But it also meant they got closer to having to merge like every set of twins before them. Klaus and I were just walking the halls until we heard Alaric holler for me. “Raelyn. Klaus!”

We vamped into the office causing me to stumble against the bookshelf recognizing who was standing in front of him wearing her wedding dress. “Josette!”

Dorian, another teacher at the school came in behind us seeing Ric holding a loaded crossbow. “Are you okay? Whoa, whoa.”

Jo held up her hands glancing in the direction of Klaus and I. “Ric, if you could just put down the crossbow. My freak-out level is about right now.”

Dorian asked him.“You know her?”

“She’s my cousin and the Saltzman twins bio mom.” I responded towards the man trying to explain this in the easiest way.

Alaric cocked the crossbow, not lowering the weapon. “I know who she's supposed to be.”

Dorian asked. “Who?”

Alairc mumbled softly. “The love of my life.”

Grasping my husband’s hand in mine Klaus could see that I was on the verge of breaking down in happy tears that she was somehow back to life.“Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Ric…Listen to Dorian. Are you Dorian? I'm Jo.” Jo looked at Dorian.

The teacher stands beside Ric. “You're his dead wife? I m... I mean fiancée. I mean, uh... You don't think she's actually...?”

Ric scoffed. “No, I don't.”

“This is Mystic Falls, mate. Anything is possible.” Klaus shrugged his shoulders.

Dorian shook his head. “Did you see how she got here?”

Jo tried to explain where I could hear her heart beating inside of her chest. “I was sort of, um... yanked awake and then I was just here.”

Ric dryly chuckled. “Nothing suspicious about that.”

Dorian asked him. “You thinking what I'm thinking?”

“Kill her now before she attacks?” Alaric gripped his crossbow.

Jo gasped in a panic. “Wait, what?”

Spinning around on my feet I growled at him flashing my fangs at him. “Have you lost your mind, Alairc Saltzman!”

Dorian got in front of the weapon, finally getting him to lower it. “I-I... I was more, "Let's interrogate her." Because if she's the next monster…we might learn more. I’ll leave you all to her.”

He shut the door behind me where I raised my hands up on the door creating a boundary spell before turning towards her. “Jo…I have a million questions but I just need to hug you.” Running towards her I cried into her shoulder when she didn’t vanish like a ghost and I could physically touch her.

“Ohh Rae. I…I have missed you. But I have no idea how I am here.” She embraced me with a tight grip holding me for a few moments until we broke the embrace still holding each other’s hand.

“Okay. What's the last thing you remember?” Alaric asked his former lover.

She paused thinking back. “Morning sickness. My dress. Our vows. My psychopath twin brother with a very large Knife. And then... ...nothing. How long ago was that? You look a little... seasoned.”

He responded. “About 16 years ago.”

She gasped looking back at me. “16 years. I don't know what to say. How are you? How have you been?”

He shook his head not believing her. “Oh, just cut the... Just drop the act, okay?”

Jo responded back with a sharp tongue. “It's not an act, Ric. This is Mystic Falls. I'm not exactly the first person to be brought back from the dead.”

“I knew another reason I liked you because of how smart you are, Josette.” Klaus clasped his hands together behind his back smiling towards her.

Everyone of us except for Jo turned their head towards the door hearing Lizzie’s voice on the other side of the door. “Uh, Dad? Why is your door locked?”

Jo gasped pointing her index finger to the door. “

"Dad"?”

Josie responded. “And when were you going to tell us that Mom wasn't coming back?”

Alaric moved, wrapping one arm around Jo and covering her mouth with his other hand where she sent me a confused look. “I was about to. There-There's a strike at the airport in Mozambique.”

Lizzie scoffed back. “She couldn't compel a pilot and hop on a private jet?”

Alaric attempted to get them to leave. “She'll explain everything later. Okay? But right now I just need you to go because I am wrapping your presents.”

Josie knew he was lying. “No, you're not. You're lying through your teeth.”

“Enough of this, invisique-“ Placing my hand on my cousin’s shoulder I almost used the invisible spell until the door slammed open revealing Lizzie and Josie. “Oh how I wish I could be proud of you right now.”

Lizzie glared towards Jo. “Who's this trollop?”

“Oh, my God.” Josie muttered.

Ric tried to get them to leave but they wouldn’t. “I need you to leave right now.”

Jo pointed her index finger between the pair. “I'm sorry. How old are you?”

“16.” The Saltzman twins responded.

Lizzie said back. “Today. It's our birthday.”

Jo covered her mouth, almost crying. “You're twins?”

Lizzie raised a brow towards Klaus who just smirked in my direction. “What are we interrupting here?”

Alaric shook his head trying to push them out of the room. “I'm serious. Do as I say and now just go.”

Josie tugged her sister’s arm. “Lizzie. Lizzie, it's her.”

She looks at her sister confused. “Her who?”

Josie walked over grabbing the picture of Jo and Ric on their wedding. “Her.”

Lizzie gasped in shock. “Holy crap. You're Bio-mom.”

“Mystic Falls always makes interesting family reunions.” Klaus chuckles knowing we never expected this to happen.

Jo removed my hand from hers so she could run her fingers through her black hair. “This isn’t impossible. I wasn't even showing at our wedding. How…”

Alaric spun around on his feet standing beside his desk. “Your family's crazy coven magically implanted them in Caroline when you died. She's their birth mother.”

Jo shifted her gaze to me and Nik then back to Ric. “Caroline? So... you two…”

Ric answered her back. “No. She married Stefan Salvatore. Who basically died on their wedding day, too, but that's a long story.”

Lizzie said with her arms over her chest. “They're still very close.”

Alaric added on, “We opened this school together.”

“And Nik and I funded it to benefit our daughters and son. Oh Nik can you go find them and we’ll introduce them to Jo.” I clasped my hands together eyeing my husband before he vamped out of the room going on his search.

Lizzie smiled introducing herself. “She's overseas right now doing very important recruiting work. I'm Lizzie. After my mother's mom.”

Josie said, holding the picture frame in her hands. “And I'm Josie. Josette. Like…”

Jo smiled through happy tears. “Me.”

A few minutes later I heard Klaus vamp back into the room with Henrik being carried in his arms. While Alina and Missy were standing beside him. “Hope is helping Rafael with something for the girls party. So she won’t be able to catch up until later tonight.”

“That’ll be fine. Uh Jo I know you’ve technically already met them but there’s a newest member of the family…” Dropping myself down onto my knees I put Henrik on the ground so I could be level with him. “This is Henrik Mikaelson. Henrik, this is Jo.”

He waved to her smiling. “Hi Jo.”

“Hi Henrik.” My cousin waved with a smile focusing her attention on Missy and Alina. “I can’t believe you two are so grown up now.”

Alina smirked, crossing her arms over her chest like her daddy. “I’m a werewitch now and married.”

“And I’m a heretic like my mom.” Missy smiled showing her fangs brightly.

Jo put her hands together sending me a glance with a smirk on her face. “So I’m guessing you don’t know like last time. Have you gotten sick yet, Rae?”

“Jo, I know that look. I’ve seen it once before, don't tell me I’m..” Holding my hands up I waved a finger in her face remembering what happened last time.

Klaus raised a brow towards the former doctor until his vamp ears faintly heard something making noise inside my belly. “Ohh I don’t think we need to tell Jo all the details, love.”

“Mom. Dad…what’s going on - oh my gosh aunt Jo.” Hope came into the room rushing towards her and giving her a hug.

She grinned back at her. “It’s good to see you, Hope. Now as for what’s going on, your mother is pregnant again.”

“How do you know that?” Alaric asked her curiosity.

Jo glanced back at her lover. “I used to be a doctor. I can tell when Rae is basically glowing.”

“Nik…we’re having another baby.” Dropping my hands down to my stomach I chuckled through happy tears. Shutting my eyes I sighed hearing a faint beating inside my belly but it was a steady beat meaning it was true.

Klaus wrapped his arms around my waist kissing the crown of my head smiling down at me longingly. “I love you, Rae…and we have five kids now.” Jo grinned at us and for a few hours we were happy and all together for this sweet moment.

Alairc had found Jo a few hours later when no one could find her but she had been taken over by something demon-like so we had to respect her wish to siphon it from her. Shutting the door behind me with my magic I didn’t care that Jo and Alairc were hugging goodbye. “Are you insane, Josette. You just decide to sacrifice yourself to get the magic demon out of you without thinking we could put it somewhere else and maybe keep you alive!”

“Raelyn, I shouldn’t be here. Witches shouldn’t skip death all the time. This is the right thing.” She gently grabs my shoulders.

Shaking my head I yanked my wrist up to my mouth biting into it and drawing some blood wanting her to let me turn her. “Jo, please think about your daughters. You just got to meet them. Don’t make them say goodbye…become a vampire and live.”

“Rae, if I get this demon out of me then it will just jump into someone else. I love that you want me to stay for them and I wish I could. But this will protect the school from something much worse.” Josette explained before she didn’t waste a moment pulling me in for a tight hug.

Croaking through heavy tears I fling my arms around her neck not caring about my bleeding wrist. “I…I’m going to miss you Jo. But…I…I understand why you want to do this.” Gripping her shoulders while we hugged we remained there holding each other until we were tired of sobbing.

We took Jo up to her daughter’s combined room where she sat down on Josie’s bed. Lizzie and Josie sat on Lizzie’s bed when she asked nervously. “So, we just siphon the magic out of her until she's... what, dead again?”

Josie snapped at her twin. “Oh, my God. Lizzie, what is wrong with you?”

Lizzie gasped through tears. “What?”

“It's okay, Josie. It's okay. I'm already dead. I was a witch, just like you. And we believe in the natural order of things. I shouldn't be here. I love that I had this, but it's a lie. And now I need you to help me make it right. The longer I'm here, the more I remember where I came from.” Jo explained holding her hands together in her lap moving her gaze from her girls and Ric. Then she glanced over to Nik and I with our kids. “I used to watch you. I used to watch all of you. Like in a dream... ...where everything is warm and happy. I think I was at peace. So that's where I'll be. Waiting for you.”

Lizzie sniffs through heavy tears toward her mother. “I'm so sorry. I was awful to you.”

“Oh, Lizzie. You have such a big heart. It's okay to let other people see it.” Jo sent Lizzie a kind smile, not angry at her. Jo got up from the bed lowering herself down onto her knees. “Oh, my beautiful girls. You are everything that I could have ever wished for. Everything. Be good to each other. Fight for each other. When you're older, you'll understand what I mean. But I need you to remember that I said it.”

Glancing at my kids they were each crying not wanting to see her go. Jo slowly opened her hand and Lizzie glanced back at me quickly for an answer on what to do. “Auntie Rae, do we have to?”

“Lizzie it’s…it’s better for her. We can’t all dodge death. She’s a good person. She’ll go to peace.” I stuttered out a shaky breath watching the blonde siphon take her mother’s hand.

Josie shook her head no eyeing her waiting hand for her to take. “I can't. I can't.”

Jo sniffed through tears knowing I would understand why she had to go. “Oh, Josette, this is the right thing to do. It's the only thing to do for you. I love you.”

“Jo…you will always be my family. I love you.” I croaked through tears stepping towards her struggling to not stop them from doing something.

Josette sent me a tear filled smile scanning her eyes from my kids and then to her daughters. “Rae Rae, you have been a better parent than my father was. And my father is proud of what you have done…I saw your mother Eliza there too. She said that she loves you…take care of my girls for me.”

“I will…I promise Josette.” I clutched Nik’s hand in mine where I swayed on my feet, never taking my eyes away from hers.

Jo gave me one final grin standing up in front of her daughters. “I love all of you so much.” The Saltzman twins' hands turned red siphoning away their bio mother and the magic within her. Throwing myself into Nik’s waiting arms I just broke down sobbing that this time she was really gone but at least we knew she was at peace.

Comments really appreciated ❤️

[gay-victorian-astronomer]

4! 16! 20! 39! :D

4. What do you wear when you have to dress nicely?

The most formal I need to get on a regular basis is academic conference attire, so like... business casual level of formality. My usual conference outfit is black chinos, a button up shirt whose print can only be described as space arcade carpet, and a black blazer with a pronoun pin on the lapel.

For more formal occasions, I don't actually own anything that works at the moment— in the past I would wear some type of long gown for those but subsequent Gender Realizations have made that intractable. I very badly want to get a proper suit, but I am having trouble finding an option that will have the details of men's suiting I want while still fitting nicely on my body while also not being super fucking expensive. My impending graduation might give me some motivation to figure something out though...

16. Describe your favorite hoodie. How long have you had it? What makes it unique?

Strangely I haven't been on a big hoodie kick lately— I've gone through pretty much this whole winter without really touching any of them, I've been blanket-burrito-moding instead. So I guess I'll talk about my favorite sweatshirt at the moment/one of the hoodies that's been with me the longest?

My favorite sweatshirt at the moment is one I got back in October as a free giveaway for seniors at my university. It doesn't have a hood and it's pretty plain except for a large applique of the university athletics logo on the front. I like it because I accidentally sized up more than I should have so it's pretty big and snuggly on me.

One of the hoodies that I've had the longest is a purple one from when I went to Washington, DC on a school trip in 8th grade. Most of my hoodies were purchased while traveling— for a while I had to wear a back brace for scoliosis and the brace would put holes in the backs of regular T-shirts, so whenever we'd travel I'd get hoodies as souvenirs because the thicker fabric would hold up better. That hoodie did in fact hold up— it was my favorite hoodie for most of high school because it was surprisingly thick and good quality for being an impulse purchase from a street vendor, and it was made out of pretty pill-resistant fabric, not to mention the fact that it's my favorite color.

20. What kind of math are you best at?

Going purely by my academic record, I'm generally pretty good at anything that doesn't require me to do proofs.

In terms of math I like doing, I think most parts of multivariable/vector calculus are pretty neat, and they are pretty strongly tied to physics. In a similar vein, doing boundary value problem stuff & solving partial differential equations is pretty nice as long as the problem isn't set up to be annoying as fuck (looking at you, applied boundary value problems homework sets)

Dishonorable mention goes to integrals. I am learning through taking quantum theory that I have very limited patience for dealing with integral bullshit (and there are some truly deeply bullshit integrals that have been thrown at me in that class). Evil little bastards that make my brain hurt >:(

39. What was the best part of your day today?

Not much immediately jumps out at me— I've been sick for the past couple days but I felt well enough to go to class today so it was a pretty normal Wednesday all things considered. My housemate ordered food for delivery at lunchtime and they gave me a spring roll they got as a freebie that they couldn't eat, so that was tasty. I'm debating whether to order delivery for dinner in which case that will also be a tasty treat (but we shall see).

[fourseasonsfigs]

Green Butterfly Daddy

From yesterday's Tough Mommy fig maker comes today's Green Butterfly Daddy!

The inspiration for this is Gong Jun walking up to the set of Chinese Restaurant Season 5 wearing, yes, this butterfly shirt.

I have not watched Chinese Restaurant, Season 5, because my queue for these two is already so long! So sadly I have no idea if he actually heated up a baby bottle or did anything with a baby bottle in the show. I'd guess no...except, with fig makers, you can't ever assume that, because eventually you see some random behind the scene picture on Weibo, and you're like, oh! THAT'S what that's from!

But in the interim, I'm gonna assume this is a play off Gong Jun being affectionately referred to as baba, dad.

Here he arrived, like all figs from this maker, in a plain white box, carefully protected in his polystyrene cutout.

This fig maker is always very thoughtful with the beauty marks on the ears - you see them on her figs for both Zhehan and Junjun.

He stands just fine! His little white sneakers look particularly small here, but they're steady!

People seem to like this butterfly print on him - I have an upcoming fig with him wearing this shirt as well.

I have to admit it's a very cute and cheerful shirt in fig form. In true supermodel style, Gong Jun appears to be able to pull off any outfit, and his fig apparently can too.

The more I look at it, the more the shirt is growing on me 😅 I've photographed a lot of Gong Jun's figs from the back, and it's actually nice to have these little printed butterflies brightening things up!

I actually do wonder how the physics of fig making works, where they figure out the right way to get these heavy resin figs to balance for each design. It works out more often than not.

Ah, he's really cute from this angle. I like the details on his little white shoes.

The extreme closeup of his shirt! And wow you can see the detail on the shoes really well here. I do sometimes wonder if I should include the ultra closeups, since the eye doesn't have this level of extreme detail (at least, not my eyes!) and you can see micro-flaws that can't actually be noticed. But sure.

I do love the wiggly mouth smile!

Now I'm really curious if there IS a baby bottle, or perhaps a condiment bottle (?) in Chinese Restaurant 5. I'll watch it after I watch The Blooms at Ruyi Pavilion (which I have made ZERO progress on, but I now am up to the Emerald League in Duolingo and learning, in extremely apropos timing, how to say baba and gege and jiejie etc. in Hello Chinese).

What a cutie, this butterfly baba!

Material: Resin

Fig Count: 231

Scene Count: 18

Rating: 🐶+🦋=❤️

[link back to Master Fig Index for more posts]

[antmimicry]

physical therapy today.. ride is going to be hell. my neck and shoulder have been soo messed up (I went on a short bird walk like last week and I think I like.. did something, fucked up my shoulder somehow, bc of how I held the binoculars? wasn't a long walk bc I'm not capable of that but yeah :( really sucks bc it was fun but idk if I could even hold them at all now)

I think I might be having some shoulder subluxations at times?? might be totally wrong but like it just feels. really off sometimes. and then it pops or cracks in a way that's a lot more extreme or just weird-feeling than usual? (it's always popping cracking shifting, all my joints are, but sometimes it's like. Different.) I think I'm not great at identifying subluxations bc I don't think I get them a lot, but my main point of reference for dislocations/subluxations is. my knees. and when that happens to your knees you fucking KNOW lol so I think I'm expecting like even minor subluxations to be like extremely painful complete incapacitation? but like.. anyways what I call knee subluxations are actually like full dislocations, they just pop back in immediately (after I collapse) most of the time (with one very painful exception lol. that sucked) . I think maybe I'm actually having some more minor subluxations in my knee sometimes without knowing it (is it even possible to have like smaller subluxations in the knee or are the only options In or Out?? I'm too afraid to google it bc thinking about knee shit makes me terrified), like my knee just feels weird and I can't really put weight on it (or am too afraid to try) until I flex it around a bit and I can feel it pop/shift in a major way. (but like obviously not full dislocation level.. I can still move it after all lol).

no idea if that's true though. maybe I'm not having any subluxations and my joints are just being weird but in a non-subluxation way. genuinely idk

anyways I really hope my PT will have some advice or be able to help me somehow with my shoulder bc it's just like Bad for real. it's not just the normal joint pain shit something is UP. I don't think I have an impinged nerve or anything but I am getting some really weird sensations sometimes too

will be wearing my neck brace in the car (the soft one probably... don't think I'm supposed to wear a hard one even for something like that, but I wore one—idk why my mom had one but she did so that's cool—for a while when I was sleeping on a day when it really hurt and that thing fucking ruled). that should help a bit but honestly not much. at least I'm only a passenger since I can't drive lol but I can't take ibuprofen until after PT (or like. feel like I shouldn't, don't want to risk hurting myself without knowing it, need that sensation of pain to be safe... although it's not like ibuprofen even helps that much anyways lol) and since the drive there is an hour and a half and then there's the pt appointment itself.. and the ibuprofen won't start kicking in until we're almost home... and my shoulder and neck are already killing me and feeling tingly and numb and we haven't even left yet.. it's gonna be bad

think I'm going to download a collection of shirley jackson short stories to read on the way. maybe that'll distract me. really need to get like.. functional headphones so I can listen to music or podcasts in the car (I do NOT need my dad hearing the podcasts I listen to lol) bc with the current ones I have I can't hear anything with them, noise of the road just drowns everything out

[wlwaterlily]

outfit of the day: a matching, lacy bralette + garter belt + stockings set, paired with a boxer strap-on-belt and a purple d*ck

[latte-fairytaekwoon]

Kickstart My Heart Pt.1 (Racer! Yeosang)

Next>>

Pairing: Racer! Kang Yeosang × Waitress/Fuckgirl! Reader (Female)

Genre: Fluff, Angst, 80s AU.

Summary: During an era known for its vibrant colors, eccentric fashion styles and rise of new yet unconventional genres of music, the young generation of that time was infamously known for their need to rebel and live their lives rather scandalously and Y/N is no exception. So when a new and attractive man moves into her town, she has her eyes set on making him her next boy toy.

Word Count: 4K+

Warnings: Dumb attempts at crackhead humor, reader is a cold hearted bitch, guy gets dumped in public, reader's friend is lowkey creepy.

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Throwing on the last article of clothing that had been discarded the night before, the young woman shook out her hair, still damp from the quick shower she just took. Picking up her bag, she looked over at the figure still sleeping soundly, the subtle hint of a smile on his face. With a pitied pout on her lips, she walked over to the edge where his face was. Taking out the lipstick tube from her bag, she applied it all over her lips, painting them in the dark burgundy color that she fancied so much and had practically become her signature hue. Bending over, she pressed her lips against the corners of his mouth, giving him the faintest whisper of a kiss before pulling away. A satisfied smirk was plastered on her pretty features as she stared at the lipstick mark on his face, the only memoir she'd leave him with as she had done with countless others.

Closing the front door behind her, she pulled her denim jacket tighter on her body, shivering slightly from the early dawn's breeze that blew across. It was always like that even though summer had just begun, the early morning hours still feeling obnoxiously cool and then transpiring into slightly uncomfortably warm afternoons that had more than one soul in that quaint town grumbling and fussing about the weather. But oh did the evenings feel absolutely refreshing, and that's when everything would start bustling to life.

Having finally made it out of that small residential area and finding one of the main roads that helped her locate where to go, she started heading south towards the all too familiar diner where she had been working in ever since her school days, first starting part time and eventually transpiring to full time when it came time for her to spread her wings and fly out on her own, a feat she had been most anxious to do to get away from the overly controlling nature of her parents. She knew they cared about her, but she herself cared very little about the morals and principles they had raised her with, a common trait all the young people in that town shared: their rebellious and headstrong nature to not conform and go against everything they had been taught thus far. Live their own lives as freely as they chose to do.

And she definitely lived as she wanted to, even if it ended up with a rather bad reputation and ugly labels that rather than infuriate her, she openly embraced, as others had come to as well.

The light twinkle of the bells above the glass door let the person at the register know someone came in and they immediately plastered on their business smile, which quickly faded when they saw who it was.

"You're late Y/N." The minuscule raven haired waitress informed her, eyes never leaving her coworker's figure that came behind the counter and started punching in her number.

"Only by like 7 minutes." She waved her slip at the nonchalant looking girl before placing it back in its respective slot.

"One day it wouldn't surprise me if you just didn't show up because you got too caught up in.... something else."

Chuckling softly, Y/N walked up behind her coworker, hands coming up to ruffle the cheekbone level bob cut hair framing her unusually small face.

"Awww come on Lynn, you know I'd never leave you hanging here to attend customers by yourself. You're my bestie." Y/N assured her, playfully poking her lips out as she tried to place a kiss on her friend, the poor girl craning her neck away as she tended to dislike physical affection.

"I will squirt ketchup on you." Lynn threatened as she picked up the cherry red bottle as a last resort to get her attacker to back away. A rather noisy struggle ensued between both girls, catching the attention of the owner and cook behind the two doors, prompting her to come out and see what was the cause of such ruckus.

"Well I'll be darned. I don't remember paying you youngsters to simply slack off and behave like the hooligans you are." The middle aged woman spoke up, her thick accent becoming more prominent. Although she had a stern look and hands placed at her hips, the girls knew she was not in reality angry at them.

Looking over at the recently arrived girl, the owner closed her eyes and sighed deeply when she took in the attire she was wearing: low cut white tank, ripped denim shorts that left little to the imagination if she bent down, fishnet tights with a few holes in them, and her beloved denim jacket that was almost always on Y/N's body.

"I swear to god, Y/N , everytime I see you wear them rags you call clothes, I feel like my body is about to collapse. Why must you insist on dressing like a common street worker?"

Y/N wasn't at all offended by her words, having grown used to and becoming fond of her boss's abrupt, direct and honest manner of speaking.

"Gotta start looking the part if I'm going to dedicate my life to the occupation." She giggled at her own joke, resulting in the older woman taking the rag off her apron and smacking her with it.

"This little runt, talking nonsense like that- get your ass back in there and change into your uniform. Can't have you prancing around here in those skimpy clothes and have all these men that come here say disrespectful things about you. Nuh uh, not to my girls." She shook her head.

"Yes Miss Audrey." Complying with the woman's wishes, she pushed open the swing doors leading to the back and quickly made her way to the corner where all the employee's cubicles were located. Grabbing the necessary items, she turned and went inside the bathroom to change into her uniform, consisting of a knee length crimson red dress, which she had actually altered so it would be shorter and display her thighs more, the cap sleeves slightly puffed up and the torso part had a trail of white buttons going all the way up to the modest v-neckline, usually most buttons were left undone so her cleavage would shamelessly peak out. Exchanging her black Doc Martens in favor of her white Nike sneakers, Y/N tied her apron around her waist, making sure it was as tight as possible so it would accentuate her curves and give her body a more flattering appearance. As she made her way out, she quickly piled her hair up before securing it with one of the many elastics she kept around her wrists, leaving out a few tendrils to fall on her temples.

Coming back out to start her daily work, she stood in front of Lynn, who merely spared her an unamused glance.

"How do I look?" Y/N asked.

"Like a total slut." Her friend answered in her usually rude way.

Rolling her eyes, Y/N grabbed a spray bottle and a rag. Making her way over to the table that had just finished being used, she quickly picked up the plates and glass, bringing them back over to where Lynn was, who took them so she could wash them in the sink. Spraying the top of the marble piece, she had began her task of wiping down the table when the ringing of the bell signaled new customers had arrived, and rowdy ones at that too.

"Damn! Is today's special fluffy sponge cake? Cause I would sure love a piece of that ass."

Y/N recognized that annoying voice even from miles away, belonging to none other than one of her old classmates, Jung Wooyoung, whom she considered a friend, if he didn't manage to irk her too much. Turning around, she of course wasn't surprised to see him surrounded by his crew of equally idiotic and adrenaline junkie friends, whom she had to admit were pleasant and fun to hang out with.

"Sit your asses down already, I'll be over in a minute to take your order." She told them before resuming her previous task, earning a scoff from the most dramatic of the group.

"Fine customer service! Don't think you'll be getting a tip from me." His words made her nearly burst into a fit of giggles.

"Wooyoung please, you never ever tip whenever you come. None of you, except Yunho." It kinda saddened her that said male unfortunately wasn't there with them at the moment.

"He doesn't tip you, he tips short stack over there." His friend with cat like eyes pointed towards Lynn, who upon overhearing him held up a rather explicit finger in his direction.

"I'll poison your food San." She threatened with a sing song tone.

"Like I wouldn't know that you already spit on it." San spat back, sticking his tongue out in his immature and infantile fashion.

"Can you guys hurry up and order already? I'm starving and we gotta head to the tracks as early as possible." The fiery red haired male known as Song Mingi blurted out, fingers tapping impatiently against the top of the table.

"If little miss g-string would care to hop her luscious ass over here, maybe we could."

Strutting over to where they sat, Y/N harshly threw the dirty rag on Wooyoung's face, causing a faint grunt to come out of his mouth.

"No matter how many times you mention my ass, I'm still not letting you tap it." She firmly stated, making Wooyoung slightly purse his lips outwards in a disappointed grimace.

"So anygays-" Mingi began.

"Umm I think you mean anyways." San corrected him.

Leaning in towards him, Mingi locked eyes on the shorter male and stared him down with an intimidating glare.

"Did I stutter Choi?"

San immediately shook his head rapidly. With a victory smile, Mingi reclined back in his seat.

"I'm just going to get the breakfast platter with some orange juice."

Y/N couldn't stifle her snort when he said his choice of drink, the other two men looking away in embarrassment.

"You've been drinking orange juice since you were in grade school Mingles, don't you think you outta start taking something more grown up? Like coffee?" San suggested and Mingi did not appreciate it.

"Coming from the one who still brings a plushie to sleep with him, your suggestion holds no value or power." He retorted.

"OK SHIBER IS NOT A PLUSHIE, HE'S FAMILY YOU JACKASS!" San sprinted up from his seat, nearly leaning across to grab Mingi by the color, but he was held back by Wooyoung.

Lynn, who had thus far stayed quiet, promptly came up with a spray bottle and consequently doused the untamed boy on his face.

"Bad kitty, bad kitty." She reprimanded him, unable to resist the opportunity to attack her long time frenemy.

"Lynn!" Y/N looked at her with surprise.

"You're welcome." Lynn replied rather monotone before going back to her place behind the counter like she didn't just spray San with disinfecting water.

"There's too many germs going around anyways..." She muttered under her breath.

Without any further interruptions, aside from the rumbling coming out of the boys' stomachs, they finished ordering what they wanted and Y/N sent it over so they could be prepared. Not wanting to be near their loud asses, Y/N went back over to where Lynn was, peeking over to see what she was currently reading in the magazine she held.

"What you reading?" She casually inquired.

"Horoscope section." Y/N wasn't surprised, her friend tended to be into more mystical, eccentric and rather.....extreme with her taste in fashion and music. If Y/N was the one who turned heads for her scandalous attire, Lynn was the one people turned away from in fear when they saw how she dressed. It was a sight that truly made both of them laugh at people's foolishness, well at least made Y/N laugh. Her friend rarely had any other expression plastered on that wasn't utter disdain for society and life.

Unexpectedly, another customer came in. Both girls looked at each other in confusion when neither of them recognized him. Their town was rather small with few people living there, so they deduced that he must be a traveler who probably got lost on his route. He himself looked around nervously, eyes barely lifting up. Y/N couldn't help herself as she took in his perfect face. Big, round eyes with crystal clear orbs, small face with a V-line jaw, perfectly sculpted nose with no sign of defects, skin smooth and blemish free, he looked like a prince out of a fairytale. He was incredibly pretty, yet stood there so awkwardly that it was almost comical.

"Hey Yeosang! You made it! Sit down! I ordered for you in advanced!" Wooyoung surprised both girls when it seemed he knew the stranger and even waved him over to where they sat. The other two boys also seem familiarized with him and welcomed him to sit with them, chatting up a storm already with him.

"Who's that?" Lynn was the one to finally ask out loud.

"Beats me.....but he sure is adorable."

Noticing the way her lips curled upwards, Lynn could already see the wheels inside Y/N's head turning.

"And I bet you're going to go over there and find out- aaand there you go." She ended up answering her own deduction as she watched Y/N happily walked over with a more bright expression on her face, that soon soured when her boss came out of the kitchen and beat her over to the table, laying down several plates of food.

"I knew as soon as I saw the orders that it had to be the lot of you." She scoffed softly as she looked at the boys' grinning faces.

"You know us Miss Audrey, we wouldn't ever think of eating anywhere else but here. You're the best cook in all of town." Wooyoung praised her with a sparkling charm that could have fooled anyone else but not the robust woman in front of him.

"Boy stop trying to tickle my ears, I've known you since you were in your soiled diapers being carried around by your mama, running around and creating chaos anywhere you went. Flattery may work on them poor girls you play with but me? I can see right through ruffians like you."

Turning her head to finally notice the new addition to the group, she looked him up and down.

"Boy who might you be?" She questioned him, earning the ears of the girls nearby to listen in for any valuable information.

"I'm..... Yeosang Kang, nice to meet you." He introduced himself, tilting his head slightly down when he said that.

"He just moved into town this week! He's the new guy who is going to work with us down at the car shop and help on the race track!" San enthusiastically shouted, making the older woman cringe.

"I may be old, but I still haven't gone deaf for you to yell in such a way boy. So...." She crossed her arms and looked at Yeosang again.

"You a racer too?"

Now the girls, particularly Y/N, were more interested in what his response would be.

"I- yes. So it seems." The poor boy looked so flustered, obviously being more of a soft spoken individual, contrasting starkly to the other 3 boys.

Miss Audrey let out a seemingly displeased hum at his answer.

"As if we needed anymore hooligans running wild. We already got enough with the 3 Stooges over here."

The girls couldn't help but snicker at their boss's words, always having a blast whenever she put the boys back in their place. They however looked displeased, glaring at them intensely.

"Shouldn't you both be off somewhere cleaning dishes or making sandwiches?"

Snatching one of the knifes, Lynn held it up and was about to jump over, but Y/N came up in front of her.

"Lynn, no. Just calm down ok? You know they're just being idiots." Y/N reminded her.

Grumbling something in a foreign language no one knew for sure if it was real or not, Lynn put the knife back, squinting her eyes at them before turning around to not look at them again. Y/N giggled softly, finding it absolutely cute whenever her friend lost her cool and collected form cause it reminded her of a chihuahua, barking and yelping at anything larger than itself trying to establish dominance.

Noticing that in her display of aggression, Lynn had inadvertently knocked over a few of the brochures that were on display for people to take, Y/N stooped down and proceeded to pick them up in a casual manner. Standing up, she neatly arranged them properly, making sure they all faced the same direction and the sides weren't poking out anywhere. Feeling as though someone had been watching her all along, she looked at the table of boys, half expecting Wooyoung's smug grin to greet her, but she was completely wrong as it was none other than the new guy who seemed unable to keep his eyes off her figure, staring intently at the length of her skirt. When he realized she noticed, his eyes went wide, cheeks burning up with utter embarrassment. Y/N however seemed unbothered by this. Wanting to test something, she pretended to accidentally drop one of the pamphlets. Bending over, she made sure he could get a perfect glimpse of her cleavage, if he payed enough attention, he'd be able to see that she was in fact, not wearing any bra. Coming back up, Y/N looked over to see the results, smirking when the agape mouth of Yeosang confirmed to her that he had indeed noticed everything.

"Oh sweetheart, you're gonna be too easy..." She had already made up in her mind that Yeosang would be her next target, and she had to put her plan in action. Placing the brochures down, she was about to go over and start flirting with him, until a familiar voice called for her.

"Y/N! There you are!"

She internally groaned when she heard him, wondering why on earth did he not get the hint of ditching him like that, especially when he very well knew about the reputation she had. She tried ignoring him, but of course, he had had to be the persistent type, no doubt thinking he was going to have a different ending than the rest before him.

"I thought you'd be here. You could have told me you were going to be gone early. I would have made you breakfast."

Knowing she had to say something, Y/N grabbed her pad and gave him the fakest smile she was capable of donning.

"Hi, what can we get started for you today? Waffles? Eggs and bacon? Coffee to start off with?"

The trio of friends, having no choice but to witness the interaction due to it happening right in front of them, snickered amongst themselves.

"Oh shit. He's in for it." San whispered lowly.

The boy obviously looked extremely confused, his smile lightly falling off, but then returning to its hopeful state.

"Why are you acting like this candy bear? Pretending like you don't know me?" When he tried to reach a hand to pull her close, the girl simply pushed him away with one of her fingers.

"Look, clearly you're too stupid to understand so let me spell it out in a language you can understand." Letting out a tired sigh, she crossed her arms in front of her chest, a sour look displaying on her pretty face.

"We had a nice time together, and last night was... average to put it nicely."

"Oh man. That was a total burn." Mingi couldn't help but snort, some of the orange juice being spit back into his glass.

"But that was all it was and all it's ever going to be. So why don't you do yourself a favor and just go back home to your Star Trek figurines and watch the latest episode of Thunder Cats?"

The not so discreet snickering coming from the table behind them only made the humiliation for the man multiply significantly. Turning red with utter despair and rage, he quickly brushed past Y/N rather brusquely.

"Fucking bitch." She heard him mutter under his breath, a phrase she had grown accustomed to hearing among many others.

"Oh god. Homegirl struck again." Wooyoung laughed, swirling his milkshake in his hand.

"Ayo why you gotta do Thunder Cats like that? It's actually pretty entertaining." San commented.

Looking over at the time, the guys quickly stood up, dropping their share of bills onto the table.

"You guys get paid today too right? Come meet up with us at the track." Wooyoung suggested.

"Why on earth would we want to go see your greasy, oil smelling ass after dealing for nearly an hour with you already?" Lynn questioned him, eyes never peering up from her magazine.

"Because Yunho would be there?"

Still she didn't respond, the only movement made was her finger turning the page.

"Bro we been knew she don't give two shits about him." Mingi reminded them.

"Because we're going to the drive in theater after work, they're playing a horror movie."

Lifting her gaze, Lynn closed the magazine, although still stone faced, her eyes seemed to brighten up.

"My interest has been greatly piqued." Her lips showed the faintest whisper of a smile that gave a rather eerie and chilling feel down the people's spines.

"Maybe we should rethink inviting Satan's offspring." San leaned in towards Mingi, shivering significantly.

"Great! So we'll catch you gals later."

The boys quickly dispersed themselves, save Yeosang who still sat quietly, keeping mostly to himself. His fingers fidgeted with the half drunk cup he was holding, gaze fixed on the table in front of him. Looking up, he was attempting to work up the courage to talk to Y/N, but before he could even get the chance to gather strength, the owner came out from the back, whispering a few orders to her and gesturing for her to go tend to a situation in the kitchen. With a defeated sigh, he got up to go join the rest of the gang outside who were waiting for him. Slumping his hands in the pockets of his pants, he moved out of the booth with a solemn gaze.

"Hey."

His steps came to a screeching halt when he heard Y/N call out to him. Looking over, she smiled sweetly in his direction.

"Hope I see you later." With a flirtatious wink, she bid him goodbye as she disappeared into the back.

Yeosang stood there stunned momentarily, replaying her words over and over again in his mind, pondering endlessly at their meaning.

"Little pussy cat sure got you brain dead, didn't she?"

Startled by the unexpected voice next to him, he jumped when the face of the kind yet stern old lady studied him carefully. With a disapproving shake of her head, she decided it'd be best to warn him before he started getting ideas in his head.

"Listen, you seem like a sweet and sensible young man, so it's best for you to listen to me and stay away from that darn girl. Don't let them sugar coated lips of hers sweet talk themselves into your heart. You'll just end up heart broken like all the lovers she's had."

Picking up some of the plates, she gave him one last look, pointing an accusatory finger at him to get her point across.

"She's dangerous." Finally saying what she needed to say, Miss Audrey headed back with plates in her arms, slapping away Lynn's hands when they attempted to pry them off her, barking instructions at her to watch the counter and leave her be.

"Dangerous....." Yeosang thought to himself, the warning the good intended woman gave him sinking deep in his mind. Although he took her words to heart, something about the way she glanced at him pulled at the strings in his chest, taking his breath away when he remembered the risque position she was in that purposely allowed him to view more than he should have. That memory tinted his cheeks pink, lips unable to suppress a small smile. He knew that he should heed the old woman's advice.

But he had to admit that he loved danger and the thrill it came with.........

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Taglist: @little-precious-baby @yunhofingers @brie02 @galaxteez @multidreams-and-desires @deja-vux @hanatiny @couchpotatoaniki @daniblogs164 @a-soft-hornytiny @yunsangoveryonder @minhyukmyluv @nanamarkie @ateezbabysitters @mingismoon @rainteez02

[grailfinders]

Fate and Phantasms #202

(Woof, we were almost a day late. Sorry about that, just got a second job. The first one at Facebook isn't working out that great. Anyway!)

Today on Fate and Phantasms we're getting a little bit beastly with the help of Atalante (Alter)! Move fast, hit hard, and outlast anyone who gets in your way. She's a Beast Barbarian for some beastly armaments and extra mobility, plus a Brute Fighter to hit harder and last longer.

Check out her build breakdown below the cut, or her character sheet over here!

Next up: They say every mentor learns from his students. This next servant really took that lesson to heart.

Race and Background

This Atalante is still a Shifter, but thanks to that beast's hide she's wearing, she's now a Beasthide Shifter, giving her +1 Strength and +2 Constitution (Thanks, Tasha!) She also gets Darkvision, Keen Senses for Perception proficiency, and a Toughness that gives her proficiency with Athletics. The big purpose of the class, however, is Shifting. You can transform into a fuzzier version of yourself for up to a minute once per short rest. Because you're a beasthide, your shift is a bit tougher than most; you gain 1d6+your level+ your constitution modifier temporary hit points, and your AC goes up by 1.

You're also still an Outlander, giving you Survival proficiency to live off of hydras. You would normally get athletics too, but you've got that already, so grab Persuasion instead. You're able to keep Yagas together, that's no small feat.

Ability Scores

You might be a wild animal now, but your speed is still your greatest asset, so your Dexterity should still be pretty high. Second highest now is your Constitution, that hide you've got on is really tough. And distracting, I mean you look like a goddamn Power Rangers villain. You kill things with your bare hands, so your Strength has to be up to snuff too. Your Wisdom is also above average, the Yaga seem to like you fine. This means your Intelligence isn't that great- you're not Chiron's star pupil this time. Finally, dump Charisma. You're a terrible liar, and you're hard to get along with.

Class Levels

Barbarian 1: Starting off as a barbarian makes your AC even better, thanks to Unarmored Defense. Now you can add your constitution and your dexterity modifiers to your AC while unarmored. (I know you technically get armor later, but it completely avoids your vital organs, so I'm not counting it.) You also get Rage, spending a bonus action to make you stronger (advantage on strength saves & checks), tougher (resistance to physical damage) and more brutal (bonus damage from strength-based attacks). Oh right, you also get proficiencies. Strength and Constitution saves, plus Intimidation and Nature skills. You're a scary wild animal, yes you are, yes you are!

Fighter 1: You still need weapons though, and rather than wait for two levels for your subclass, we'll go into Fighter right now for an Unarmed Fighting Style. You can punch people for 1d6 damage (1d8 if you have two hands free), and you can deal damage to grappled creatures if you start your turn holding onto them. You also get a Second Wind, healing yourself as a bonus action.

Barbarian 2: Second level barbs can make Reckless Attacks; you get advantage, your enemies get advantage, everyone wins! Except your enemies, because they'll all be dead before they get a turn. You also get a Danger Sense that gives you advantage on dexterity saves. You're still kind of a cat, I guess.

Barbarian 3: Third level barbarians set down a primal path, and the path of the Beast is for those who want to rip and tear, until the job is done. Right now you get a Form of the Beast when you rage, giving you one of three natural weapons. You can bite, dealing 1d8 piercing damage and regaining HP once per turn if you're bloodied. Otherwise, you can use your Claws to deal 1d6 slashing damage, and you get one extra attack with them per turn. The last one's less in character, but you can still grow a Tail if you want, dealing 1d8 piercing damage on attack, and you can use your reaction to apply a d8 to your AC against an attack that hit you. You also get Primal Knowledge in another barbarian skill. Pick up Animal Handling, it might help with the Yaga.

Barbarian 4: Bump up your Strength for better fighting. Real simple.

Barbarian 5: Fifth level barbs get an Extra Attack each attack action, as well as Fast Movement giving you an extra 10' of speed each turn. Turns out, you're fast! Who knew!

Barbarian 6: Sixth level beastbarians find their Bestial Soul, making their rage weapons magical against resistances. Whenever you finish a rest, you can also Self Evolve in one of three ways. You can gain a swiming speed and breathe underwater, a climbing speed that negates the need for climbing checks, or you can add an Athletics check to your jump distance once per turn. Normally, you can make an 8 foot long jump without runnig. Now you can jump a distance between 15' and 34'. It's a pretty good jump boost. The jump is the most in-character, but feel free to evolve whatever you need for the situation.

Barbarian 7: Seventh level barbarians grow even faster, with their Feral Instincts giving them advantage on initiative rolls, and you can ignore a surprise round by raging. Which you'd probably do anyway, so just roll with it. Speaking of raging, when you do so, you can make an Instinctive Pounce to move half your speed as part of the bonus action. You're not as fast as your archer self, but this'll help close the gap.

Fighter 2: Yep, we've got enough primal stuff, time to make it hurt. Bouncing back to fighter now gets you an Action Surge. Once per short rest, you can add an extra action to your turn, no strings attached. Use this to attack and you can hit people four times per turn, or five times with your claws!

Fighter 3: Third level fighters get their martial archetype, and becoming a Brute makes you a bit more heavy-handed. Your Brute Force lets you add a d4 to every damage roll you make with your weapons, and the die grows as you level up. This means your teeth are now arguably as strong as a greatsword.

Fighter 4: Another ASI! Bump up your Strength.

Fighter 5: Unfortunately, the fifth level of fighter gets you absolutely nothing. Extra attack doesn't stack like that. :(

Fighter 6: Use this ASI to grab the Mobile feat, for extra movement and the ability to shut down the attacks of opportunity from anyone you tried to hit this turn. Getting hit is for slow people.

Fighter 7: Seventh level brutes get Brutish Durability, adding a d6 to every save they make, up to and including death saves. If this brings a death save to a total of 20 or higher, you automatically pop back up with 1 HP. Barbarians tend to make the most death saves out of any party member, might as well be good at it.

Fighter 8: Another ASI! Grab the Martial Adept feat for a superiority die (1d6) that you can use to perform one of two Battle Master Maneuvers once per short rest. A big part of this build is adaptability, so the final say in what maneuvers you get is up to you. That being said, I highly recommend Ambush for a boost to stealth and initiative rolls, or Maneuvering Attack for even more mobility. It adds damage to your attack, and you can let one friendly creature (including you) move half its speed without provoking opportunity attacks from the target.

Fighter 9: Now that you're Indomitable, you can re-roll a failed saving throw once per long rest. I know berserkers are glass cannons in FGO, but that's just how they flavor their easily tricked nature, really they're hard as hell to fight, even if you've got fireballs and shit.

Fighter 10: Tenth level brutes get a bigger Brute Force die, now you add 1d6 to every attack, so your hands are as powerful as a greatsword. You also get an Additional Fighting Style, so grab Superior Technique for a second superiority die per rest and a third maneuver of your choice.

Fighter 11: Eleventh level fighters get another Extra Attack, and this one does stack, so you can attack up to 6 times per turn, or 7 with your claws and your action surge.

Fighter 12: Use your last ASI to become Resilient to Dexterity saves. You get +1 dexterity, and proficiency with that kind of save. So yeah, you now have advantage, proficiency, and an extra 1d6 against that fireball. Good luck, spellcasters.

Fighter 13: Our capstone level is a second use of Indomitable per day. Not the flashiest way to end a build, but at least you're not a sorcerer.

Pros and Cons

Pros:

When you want to hurt someone, they really hurt. With four claw attacks and three unarmed attacks, all boosted by rage, maneuvers, and brute force, you can deal 3d8+13d6+42. And those are all with advantage, so you've got a good chance of dealing a crit. Even without that chance, you can still deal over 100 damage in a single turn with average rolls.

You've also got plenty of Mobility to stay on top of your prey, with a base movement of 50' per turn and the ability to jump an absolute minimum of 20', or you can swap in other kinds of movement if you're going to the sea or a cliff face. You've also got several ways to pour more speed in if you need it. You won't be able to win a race against your archer self, but you'll definitely make her work for it.

Your saves are ridiculous, especially your physical ones. You've got proficiency in all three, good scores, an additional 1d6, and your strength and dexterity saves probably have advantage. If people try to get through your hide, they'll find your skin is just as tough, with an AC of 16-17, damage resistance, almost 200 HP, and plenty of ways to heal yourself.

Cons:

If you can't catch up to a person, your range means you're screwed. Your best weapons are all melee range, and you'll just end up chasing them around like a fool. (Technically you can just... pick up a bow and use it, you're a fighter after all, but we're playing to character.)

Despite your save shenanigans, your low charisma means you still might end up getting shunted to another dimension. That would explain how you got to the lostbelt, though....

We spent a whole feat and fighting style on those superiority dice, and to be honest they're probably not worth the effort. Bumping up your strength and picking up the Mariner style would be just as useful, if less customizable.

[lizacstuff]

Liza that 3rd fragman 👀 "if I was born a 100 times I'd fall in love with you everytime" Eda saying this is their last obstacle and nothing can separate them, serkan's "I'll be right back, close your eyes I'm here" If this isn't all a red flag for shits about to hit the fan then I don't know what is LOL (but also how cute to Edser look and them telling each other they love each other very much 😭😭😭)

That fragman is both the SWEETEST and the MOST OMINOUS thing I’ve ever seen. ALL AT ONCE.  

Friends... we’re gonna go through some things.  That being said, everything is going to be great. These writers have been solid so far, and I have faith they have come up with something really interesting to increase the longevity of this show. And I don’t know about you, but I’m prepared to go through some things if it means keeping Eda and Serkan for longer.  (I heart them)

This show is about Eda and Serkan and their love story, at it’s core it’s a comedy, it will all lead to happy things, but... yeah, buckle up! 

I have a lot of asks both about the fragman and last ep, so I’m going to answer a bunch under the cut. 

Anonymous said: The fandom theories about episode 28 have gotten so wild that I literally think the most shocking thing would be if they actually got married and were not separated (emotionally or physically). What if the earlier painful episodes were to make us believe that things couldn't possibly go right in 28 and it's a reverse psychology trick?

You could be right!  I like your thinking. I checked on twitter and I had to back away slowly. The juvenile temper tantrums were too much for me today.  

Look, I think it’s clear something big is coming. It has to, there has to be something that shakes up the show. Some of the theories are more upsetting and catastrophic than others, but the writers won’t do anything that dings either character or their love for one another.  Whatever happens will showcase the connection between these two and the chemistry between the actors, that’s the point of everything, and anything that does those things is gonna be a-okay with me. 

@jan31​ Hi Liza. Do you think we are going to see the wedding in 28 or they will leave it on a cliffhanger for next week. Lots of theories going round mainly cos of Neslihan saying new dimensions coming in episode 29, which could just mean married life etc. I have seen suggestions of memory loss, it's all a dream since episode one. I would personally love Eda to wake up like in episode one but for it to be a total turn around and she is the boss and Serkan the employee. Eda being robot yildiz appeals to me!!! I know it will never happen but leave me here with my dreams!!

I started the day at 90% sure they’ll be married in 28/29, but now I’m down to like 30% that they’ll get married in these episodes. I really, really want them to get married before whatever happens happens, because every scenario I can think of for this reset or starting again, seems like it would be better if they were married.  

However, the shooting spoilers from today, make me question that. Namely the videos where Hande appears to still be wearing the ring on her right hand. We shall see, that could be for many reasons. 

Honestly, though, I wouldn’t hate a memory loss storyline. Seeing one of them (and Serkan’s line in the trailer makes it seem like it might be him) lose their memory and have to fall in love all over again? There are worse fates for a shipper than getting to experience that all again but in a different way.  

Anonymous said: Your response to the fandom drama anon was so good, it's exactly how I feel. While I don't know what the old posts that were like are (that's shady as fuck) I did see all the other drama go down and wow. The actresses def need to stay in their lane and some of the fans, hoooo boy, it's obvious they're young based off their reactions alone. Had to unfollow some people once I realized what they were like. Also some of the IRL shipping reminded me of col*fer stuff, reading into everything and blowing it out of proportion (which then gets picked up by paps....). But you're right in that at least the show related drama is tame compared to OUAT. But still, people being too careless even while they know the paps see everything and harass Kerem and hande (omg did you see the video of hande the other day stopped in the van and she looked so overwhelmed 😔)

You’re referencing this post here about yesterday’s drama. 

Today Neslihan made it worse by addressing everything and claiming she didn’t like all those Hande-bashing posts because... wait for it... she was HACKED. Oy. Hackers got in and went back two years to like gross posts about Hande? Sure, Jan. While I don’t believe that for a second, I guess that at least gives her cover with Hande so they can all pretend it’s true and move on so it’s not awkward on set.  But, yikes, she needs to consult a publicist, she took a narrative that was circulating in certain circles in fandom and made sure all her followers were aware. Not very savvy. 

As for the paps coming after Hande, yes I did see her in the car, she did look overwhelmed. Back off vultures!!! That’s why I think Kerem sometimes throws himself to the wolves so that doesn’t happen. She always handles them like a pro, but you can tell she’d rather be anywhere else on earth than talking to them. 

The pap stuff is worse than I’ve seen before, they’re like vultures circling for any conjecture (sometimes made up out of thin air) they can turn into a question and blame fans. OUAT actors dealt with nothing like this. Also I can’t believe they never ask about the show. Like after last week? They could legit ask about the sex scene which probably would have given them some angle on the actors that they wanted, (especially since it was too hot for Turkish TV) but they let that pass them by, and instead asked the same questions about being together that they never answer. Dumbasses. They are not only awful people, they are awful at their jobs. 

In Van, the paps pay off crew members for info, they always know more than fans. Also I don’t remember stars of my shows getting this level of tabloid attention before. Except for on Riverdale, Lili and Cole generated that level of interest, and while I didn’t pay terribly close attention to them, I feel like they rarely talked to the paps, were just photographed. Also I don’t suspected the CW of calling the paps on them, but I suspect either the network or production company of sometimes calling them on Hande and Kerem. 

Anonymous said: Do you think it’s weird that they didn’t touch the kidnapping at all in either trailer? They might not have filmed it in time for the 1st one but certainly the 2nd. And I’m definitely not complaining about the ones we got because its like a fairytale but the kidnapping was the cliffhanger...? 🧐 I think they should’ve just left the princes storyline at “he went back to his country” but then they didn’t so......

If they’d left his story at just going back to his country, then the Prince really wouldn’t have served his purpose. He was brought on to cause some sort of trouble, so they probably need him to cause the trouble before he goes, lets hope it ends with this kidnapping!

And to answer your question, yes, I do think it’s weird that neither trailer touched on it. On any other show I’d think it was a huge red flag, but on this show maybe not as much because  a) there’s obviously a lot of romance in this episode, it’s not crazy that they are focusing on that to draw people in with the promos  b) this show likes to do cliffhangers that end up being no big deal, that happens a lot.  

Who knows it could turn out to be a big deal that shapes the rest of the episode in some unexpected way (Eda’s captured the whole episode and she’s dreaming about wedding prep, or... who knows) but I think it’s more likely that they resolve in the first 5-10 minutes and then move on.  Since we know from the summary (not that I trust those) that Serkan goes on the bachelor weekend, it feels like the Prince is taken care of prior to that. I don’t think he’d leave her alone for a second if there was a chance the Prince was still a threat. Perhaps Babaanne is pissed he tried to kidnap Eda and tells them she’ll handle it herself???

Anonymous said: Semiha not being in the promo is highkey suspicious. The actress is promoting the episode lol. She's about to Evil Queen this wedding ceremony but you know what, I'm fine with whatever she has planned if they end up married at the end of the day. What's funny is that since a lot of fans these days will assume that there will be shocking negative plot twists, not actually having one here would be a plot twist so I hope the writers keep them together for whatever's next haha

You’re not wrong, at this point, having this wedding take place would be a shocking twist for all of us!  As for Semiha... hmmm... it will be interesting to see what her reaction is to Eda being kidnapped by her pick of suitor. Serkan Bolat might be the son of the man indirectly responsible for her parents death, but he would never hurt her. Take note, Grandbag!  

Anonymous said: Do you mind sharing your speculative scenarios?

After the trailer today, I don’t know if I can even remember some of them. 

Memory loss

Grandma forces Serkan to choose between Eda and his company/wealth,  he chooses Eda and they start over from scratch with nothing

Time jump

AU starting over, showing a different path they might have taken together

Dream

These actors playing different characters in a new story

I don’t think the last three are likely, but they did spring to mind after some of Neslihan’s teases. 

Anonymous said: So this show doesn't get like fantastic ratings (it actually seems to be on the lower end compared to all other dizis airing) but the social media engagement is off the charts. Why is that?!? Is the show just extraordinarily popular internationally? or that this is a "shipping" show? I'm floored by the numbers - its like no other show/fandom is even trying

The ratings were terrific during the summer. But to your point, it has a huge fandom both in Turkey and internationally, but it’s worth noting that most of those charts you see where it beats every other show in every imaginable social metric is just for Turkey.  

It’s one of those lightning in a bottle situations where you get the right property and the right actors together at the right time and magic happens.  And, for sure, the number one reason is the shipping. Shipping drives fandom engagement, and a fantastic ship with a juicy, fun, tropey love story is what this show offers. It also offers up two extremely attractive, talented, likeable leads with off-the-charts chemistry (plus the added speculation about an off-camera relationship that has intrigued more than a few fans, tabloids and gossip sites and fueled interest) who have done a good job of building the fanbase through their social media engagement. Plus the timing is part of it as well. I don’t know about you, but this show hit the spot during this pandemic and the horror of 2020. We all needed this escape. 

Anonymous said:Do you think something happened in the writers room after the backlash of 25 and fan disappointment after Ayse's announcement? I feel like a switch flipped and now we're in fanficland with how much good content we've gotten in these last two episodes. Like I thought maybe they should wrap up the series soon before the characters got completely off the tracks but they may be finding their groove now and I'm interested to see what their next twist is after they can write out Balca/Seymen.

I don’t know about a switch flip, this show has been fanfic land since the first episode!  The tropes! That is how I described it to multiple people when I first started watching: an AU fanfic come to life.

As for the writing changes, no, I don’t think backlash after 25 affected 26 or 27, because 26 was already 90% shot, and 27 already written. However, I assume they themselves could tell that 25 got just too dark and had strayed pretty far from the DNA of the series. While I didn’t think it was bad, it was not fun to watch and this show ought to be fun to watch. 

Let’s hope, however, that the backlash affects future episodes in that they know what works... and what doesn’t.  The last two episodes definitely felt reminiscent of the first batch of episodes. Light, funny, romantic. If they can keep that tone... I’ll be thrilled.

Anonymous said: i didn't realize how much i missed "together" edser until watching 27.. it's been so long since they were "officially" together and we also had such few episodes of it.. ppl have been comparing it to 12 and while in some ways i agree, edser are always so different here than they were there. 12 was them navigating their new relationship.. they were more shy and finding their footing.. here they are very much established, as they should be after knowing their love for so long in comparison to 12!

Yes, it was lovely. You know I’ve preached a lot about how even though Eda and Serkan were broken up, they’ve still been together all this time. And it’s true, but there is something about them truly being together that is magical. We never got enough of that the first time around (a writing mistake in my opinion) and they’re so good together it’s lovely to watch. 

Anonymous said: Serkan not asking for help from Balca when asking his team for help with the marriage gifts preparations and refusing her offer of help when she asked made me so happy. Good job Serkan! He's learning! She's not trustworthy!

Yes, that was a good moment. And he was eyeing her very warily when she offered. The thing I don’t understand is how has no one caught on that she’s working with Babaanne? That entire office is filled with nosy people, has no one remarked on the number of times Balca has gone up to the office or they’ve disappeared for lunch at the same time? Come on Leyla! Come on Melo! Notice these things!  

Anonymous said: Fingers crossed that we finally make progress towards getting rid of Seiman & Balca now that all the girls were drugged and Eda was put in the car in the last episode. Unless Seiman has a change of heart and takes Eda back inside before anyone wakes & the guys get there then the show has to address it. Although I do not think Balca is going to back down unless Serkan straight up tells her he has zero interest in her and never will. Totally fine if that happens in the next episode.

Will Balca backdown even if she’s humiliated like that? She’s so delusional I’m not sure. What I am sure is that she’s dangerous. This came in before we saw the other two fragmans that have no mention of the kidnapping. Hard to picture how that is so easily resolved. Unless she frees herself (which seems unlikely in her groggy state) or maybe Melo’s future boyfriend is able to stop it before they get far?  Or I don’t know. I just know that I want to see Serkan lose his mind and all the other characters see Serkan lose his mind and then I want it to be over. LOL.

Anonymous said: As much as I am loving everything Edser, I cannot wait for Seiman, Balca and Grandma to be gone. And I am even more annoyed to think that the show might try to redeem all 3 characters. All 3 of them are truly awful people and no need to waste air time trying to make the audience think any different. Just my opinion...🤷🏻‍♀️. Show please finally expose those 3 for the psychos they are and get rid of them.

Bye bitches!  I don’t think there’s any redemption for Balca and Seiman. They both have poisoned/dosed people, hard to come back from that.  And there is no need to redeem them because neither is compelling enough to be a long-term character. But maybe Granny, we probably will see a redemption arc for her. 

Anonymous said: i know you were worried a few weeks ago that with ayse leaving as writer, we probably wouldn't have the same sort of comedy as previous episodes... but istg the whole kiz isteme scene, especially with chef alex, had me almost crying with laughter. especially when serkan off the cuff just goes "well if that's an option..." to everyone misunderstanding alex "wanting" ayfer for 2 nights and then eda ready to beat him with the flowers he bought her... comedic gold lmao.

SO GOOD! I was thrilled to see that sort of comedy, the sort of comedy we’d come to expect, from these writers. I think it bodes very well indeed!  

That scene was amazing. I know Neslihan said that much of it was improvised. Probably that line from Serkan (since Serkan is SO out-of-his-mind in love I’m not sure he could even joke about having Eda only two nights a week! LOL) was improv from Kerem, and Aydan asking about the other nights, and Seyfi bringing up the weekend. And Eda’s very Hande-esque “Ser-KAN.” 

I just love rewatching that scene and checking out everyone who is breaking character and just losing it. Cagri most of all. He’s blurred aback there but you can see Ferit spends the whole time laughing or trying to stifle a laugh. Reminds me of Cagri in the scene in 18 when they’re watching the security footage he was losing it in that scene as well. 

Anonymous said: i'm scared - I think they are really about to give us all of these happy EdSer scenes only to have something happen RIGHT before the wedding ceremony due to Babaanne. Based on the last episode, I don't think there's any chance of a breakup (knock on wood) but what if Serkan gets arrested, goes to jail for 2 years, and we get a time jump?

This was sent before the last two teasers, so yes I think something is gonna happen. We shall see!  I don’t really think Serkan going to jail for 2 years is in the cards, at least I hope not!  Besides if Babaanne did that she would have no hopes of ever reconciling with Eda, so that seems unlikely she’d follow through and leave him there for so long a time. 

Anonymous said: With the last week's sex scene, they did a lot of fade outs but the scene was basically still there so it wasn't much wasted effort for the actors. But for what they're teasing in episode 28 - idk how they can get away with showing them in the shower at all if Serkan lifting Eda with her clothes on had required blurring? Is Eda dropping her robe even pushing it? It's intriguing indeed.

Great questions. We’re 36 hours from finding out (well I'm longer than that because I wait for the English subs, hee hee) All I know is I want to see these scenes.. one way or another! 

[raspberrymatchups-blog]

Can I have a JoJo matchup, please? Any gender and part is fine. I'm a 5'2'' black bisexual genderfluid/non binary female (she/her pronouns) who is chubby with dark black braided hair, dark brown eyes, dimples and is nearsighterd and wears glasses. Hobbies include playing video games, drawing, writing, reading manga and comics, wathcing anime and movies (mostly supernatural and horror), eating sweets and junk food in general.

(Part 2) I'm quiet and shy, tomboyish, somewhat aloof around new people but I can be a very quirky, awkward, goofy, mildly clingy, sarcastic dork with a strange sense of humor when I get close to them. I have heavy bouts of depression to the point where I can't get out of bed in the morning. I prefer wearing t-shirts and jeans but I will wear a skirt or a dress on occassion. I'm also somewhat touch starved and just want to be loved. I also like jewelry and makeup.

(Part 3) I've also been described as having the patience of a a saint but I do have my limits. I'm incredibly foul mouthed and incredibly perverted. I woouldn't mind having someone whi is able to take care of me during my (often severe) depression episodes, as well as someone who I can trust and feel secure as well as being able to talk about just about anything and everything.

- - -

First of all, I would like to thank you for sending in a request ahh!! I was absolutely thrilled to wake up and see your matchup request. ♡ Anyways, after some contemplation, I have decided to match you with (the great) Rohan Kishibe!

- Cards on the table, Rohan has always been super focused on his work, so he never really felt the need for a relationship. He, at least, never went looking for one.

- Your relationship with Rohan would be super slow burn, I think.

- You're quiet and shy and can be a bit aloof around new people, and Rohan's abrasive personality makes him particularly difficult to get close to, so it would be a gradual progression.

- He would find you attractive from the beginning, though. He'd think your short stature and chubbiness were actually quite cute, and your dimples would give him the strange feeling that he wanted to see you smile more often.

- Not that he'd admit having a physical attraction to you.

- The moment that made him catch feelings, surprisingly, would be you getting pissed off at him and giving him a piece of your mind.

- He was probably being a bit of a jerk, and though you have a lot of patience, you probably put up with his snarkiness for a while already.

- You never got close to Rohan, so he never saw past your quietness, until that point. And oh man, was he ever surprised when you let him have it.

- After your argument, he'd find himself at your door with chocolates. The great Rohan Kishibe was not a forgetful man, and he had seen your fondness for sweets. This might make up for what had happened earlier. Not that his pride would let him actually apologize.

- The two of you would grow closer, after that. Rohan would enjoy your quirky and goofy personality, and he would be fond of your strange sense of humor. He's quite sarcastic too, so I'm sure you guys would indulge in some sassy banter.

- When you learned each others hobbies, you'd find yourselves spending a lot of time together. We're talking binge watching an entire movie or anime series with no contact with anyone except each other for days.

- It'd be one of those times where everyone else could see you guys had feelings for each other, but neither of you could see that the feelings were mutual, so it'd take some time to establish a relationship.

- Once you were together, Rohan would be a bit impulsive with spoiling you. If he sees anything he thinks you'd like, he'd buy it for you just because. You might try to talk him out of it, but this is the same guy that bought an entire mountain range, so good luck getting him to reign it in.

- He'd love to draw you. Sometimes he'd get you to model for him, but most times he would just draw you while you weren't even aware he was doing so. Reality is the greatest inspiration, and you just being you would be all he wanted.

- Your perverted remarks would catch him off guard, though. Like okay, he's not inexperienced or naive, but if you were particularly forward with him he'd scoff and blush and try to pretend he was unfazed. He likes teasing you and trying to make you blush, but he doesn't want to admit that you can make him blush too.

- Rohan secretly loves when you get clingy and just want to touch him and be with him. He will roll his eyes and say "if you must", but actually doesn't want to let you go.

- He also LOVES your eyes. The deep, dark brown is fascinating to him. Your eyes were like the night sky. Not like the stars, no. Everybody sees the stars, but your eyes resembled the darkness behind them. The deep and untamed night that could hold any amount of mystery. He could stare into them forever.

- On a serious note, though, he would be really concerned the first time he witnessed you having a depressive episode. He wouldn't know what to do, and would find himself doing a bunch of research on the topic so he could be more informed.

- Unfortunately, depression isn't something you can just make go away, and honestly it would frustrate Rohan a lot. He might even debate using his stand to write your depression away, but ultimately decide against it. You were the one person he didn't want to change against their will. He wouldn't take the easy way out this time.

- But during these times, you'd see a softer side of Rohan. He's not usually open with his feelings by any stretch of the imagination, but he can read the mood, and sometimes the mood calls for sincerity.

- "Take today off. Just rest, and don't even think about pushing yourself. Do not underestimate my ability to take care of the one I love." He would huff, hands on his hips. "I, the great Rohan Kishibe, will take care of everything."

- And the big dork really would. He would cook for you, if you were hungry. He would listen to you quietly, and be the level head you needed. If you needed him to just hold you, he would crawl under the blankets and pull you into his chest, keeping you there as long as you needed. He would take pride in it.

[iamanartichoke]

Oh man.. I went to see endgame again and I want to like Thor in this movie I really do and am worried I'm a bad person for not but like, the tone feels all over the place with him, like the tragedy undercuts the humour but then the humour disrespects the tragedy. I can't get my head around this creative decision. What do you think?

First of all, you’re not a bad person for not liking Thor in this film. The negative reaction to how Thor is portrayed is pretty widespread, especially on Tumblr, and a lot of people share your opinion that his character was handled poorly. 

I ... *sighs* Here’s the thing. My immediate/general reaction was something like being stunned and second-hand embarrassed for Thor and really upset at the portrayal, because it really, really does feel like the narrative is framing Thor’s very real PTSD as a joke. Playing it up for laughs when there’s nothing funny about that level of loss and grief. 

I felt it was disrespectful, that it undermined not only Thor but those of us who suffer from mental illness and have unhealthy coping mechanisms. I felt like depression was being made fun of, like trauma was being made fun of, like weight gain/generally showing how far a person can sink into depression where they can’t take care of themselves was being made fun of. Furthermore, I have been especially furious that despite his trauma, Thor didn’t mention Loki even once, even when acknowledging literally everything else he’s lost besides Loki (family, Asgard, Jane). 

But. 

Everyone knows, because I have been obsessing about it for days, that I’ve discovered some really, really good during/post-Endgame Thor fic. Fic that manages to strike the balance between what we saw on-screen and what’s going on in Thor’s head. I have found fic that somehow manages to reconcile the two, showing how deep Thor’s trauma runs while still being consistent to what was portrayed on-screen. 

And in finding myself not only empathizing with Fic!Thor, but also feeling very protective of him and generally loving toward him, it also made me admit to myself that, when I watched Endgame, it was like two days before the release and I was watching a really shitty cam rip, where I missed 75% of what was really happening, due to poor sound and visual quality. 

So, tonight, I went back and rewatched it. Not in the theatre but I found a better cam version on Putlocker, with much better sound and video. I tried to be open-minded. And I had no idea how much I missed, when it came to Thor’s microexpressions and mannerisms and even what he was saying half the time. Watching it in better quality along with having the fics in my head has kind of ... brought me to an understanding of it, I think? In a way that I’m no longer furious about it, because I can sort of get behind the creative decision to show Thor just completely deteriorating and becoming something like an entirely different person than what he’s been before. Because mental illness and trauma do do that to a person. And I do think that it was a bold, but not necessarily a wrong, decision to go the opposite way in portraying the illness than what is usually shown in media. Usually, in films and tv, traumatized, depressed people are portrayed as stoic, and usually really thin, and scowly and brooding.

Thor in Endgame as a concept is taking that expectation and subverting it and showing the other end of the spectrum: that sometimes you are smiling and joking even though it’s an act, that you’re laughing on the outside while a weight is pressing down on you on the inside, that drinking to excess can cause weight gain, that eating as a coping mechanism can cause weight gain, that not caring about life can mean not caring about yourself and you don’t necessarily notice that it’s been a week since you washed your hair and two years since you cut it and what does it matter anyway, because you’re not going anywhere or doing anything or trying to impress anybody, you’re just putting one foot in front of the other and trying to make it through day by day until the universe finally decides to take pity on you and you die. 

And I get that, because I’ve been there, because a lot of people have been there, because it’s a very real, uncomfortable, visceral portrayal of someone who has just completely broken down - mentally, physically, emotionally. 

That all said - I understand the intention better now than I did before, but I do think that it fell flat. Instead of really delving into these things, the narrative played it like we were supposed to laugh at Thor. Not a single person, except for Bruce, asked Thor if he was okay. No one acknowledged that Thor might not be up for this mission. No one acknowledged that even if the snap was reversed, Thor will still have lost everything and he doesn’t get anything back. 

Thor is very visibly breaking down, and the others just roll with it. Worse, they make fun of him, what with the way they look at him and the way they act toward him and Rhodey’s stupid “cheeze whiz” joke. The narrative supports this view, especially with camera shots that emphasize Thor’s weight and general disheveled appearance. And the version I watched today was still filmed in a theatre, so I was able to hear all the places where the audience just laughed, even when Thor was obviously in pain and obviously needed sympathy rather than mockery. It smacks of fat shaming and general mental health shaming. And that’s not okay. 

I feel ... more generous toward Chris Hemsworth’s performance than I did before. On a second, closer viewing, I do think that his facial expressions and his delivery of his lines did show someone who was in deep pain, especially when it came to Thanos specifically (his change in demeanor when Bruce says his name, the way he begs to wear the gauntlet and “do something right,” the way he approaches Thanos in the final battle, among other moments). 

I also think, though, that Chris may have gotten too into the comedic aspect of it, too, and that probably contributed to Thor in general being played for laughs. Because Chris likes to laugh, and have fun, and screw around, and he’s said so himself. I think if Chris had a better understanding of mental illness than I assume he does, he might have been more willing to delve further into the emotional side and relied less on the comedic side. And if Chris wasn’t so anti-Loki, then I think we would have had a lot more acknowledgement of how much Loki’s death has contributed to Thor’s grief and mental state. 

Idk. It could have been better. The fics are better. But at the same time, I do get it now more than I did before. I’m not really crediting the Russos with that, bc they’re trash, but I do give Chris Hemsworth and his acting more credit than I did. And honestly, I give the fic writers credit bc reading them forced me to consider my point of view and whether or not I was looking at Thor too critically due to my general hatred of everything the Russos touch. 

So, yeah. Overall, it’s ... a complicated thing. I don’t think I’ll ever be okay with it, but I’m not so anti it either, anymore. If that makes sense. 

I didn’t mean to write you a dissertation, Anon, so I’m sorry for the length. This has actually been on my mind for several days, though, so I kind of hopped on this ask and took it as an opportunity to write all of this out. I hope it makes sense. I hope people can understand where I’m coming from. And even if you can’t, please don’t @ me, I’m very tired. 

Anyway. Yeah. So that’s what I think. I hope this somewhat answered the question. XDD 

[nighttimepixels]

You're doing amazing my dude! I was looking back through your art tag today and I'm just.... blown away by how /gorgeous/ your animating style is. Skeleton Sisters and the Architect is also??? Absolutely fantastic to read????? I'm so gay for each and every one of the ladies. Since Alpha hasn't gotten much love yet(and because I have a huge soft spot for that smart sassy spitfire) might we get some headcanons on how she'd act on a date with an s/o? Or mayhaps gifts she'd give?

jaksjdflks thank you so, so much Anon, you’re so sweet?? (⁄ ⁄@⁄ ▽ ⁄@⁄ ⁄)  I try my best on all of it, to keep developing and putting out better content, so... it means a lot to hear that ;v;

And heckin’ bless you for being interested in Alpha content-!! She doesn’t get as much love as some of the others so I’m beyond stoked to hear someone’s interested in her (ง •̀ ヮ•́)ง✧

I’ll put the answer below the cut to save dashes ♡

Okay, the answer to this totally depends on the ‘which date and when does this occur’, but I’ll go ahead and say this is a more lighthearted first date; Alpha, smooth and sassy operator that she is, has managed to score a date, and potential s/o knows that she’s genuinely interested to some degree (so this isn’t a ‘oh we’re just hanging out!’ misunderstanding situation, heh).

Also, disclaimer - I wouldn’t do this for most of the girls (as obviously the fic will involve their dates, so I don’t want to just spoil what’s to come!), but Alpha’s circumstances are a bit different for spoiler reasons, so this one’s the exception ;Dc

At this point, Alpha has developed her fully-detailed and full-sized robot body - she spends more time with friends in the physical realm after all (unlike her male counterpart, Q, who has a whole digital world/people/friends that he is based in/lives with). So she’s taking s/o out on a proper real-world date - no reality bending shenanigans (yet- you can bet she’s started working on VR that can digitize you and interact that way). Here’s how that might go:

Starts by arriving just five minutes early to pick you up; while she’s a casual person and would likely run a little late on average more than early, she’s not only intent on making a good impression, but also sneakily hoping to surprise you just a little early so she can see your fluster and get to banter with you while you finish getting ready.

She’s dressed well - robot body and all, a mix of casual but clearly dressed up too, obvious effort put in without looking try hard. Excellent fashion taste, frankly. Also, whatever cologne/perfume she’s wearing is subtle but freaking absurdly attractive. You literally have to stop yourself from leaning in to smell it.

From there she’s escorting you to her car - one she designed and built herself, wholly electric and renewable, and has the coolest design and vibe without being ostentatious.

Secretly, she totally made a playlist specific for this date, but won’t mention it - it plays in the background, both suited to your shared tastes and appropriate for energy level throughout the date whenever you’re in the car ;Dc

First up is some activity you have interest in, or would well suit your interests even if it’s a new thing; I won’t specifically say what as it’d depend person to person, but it could range from anything like: special show at the aquarium where you get to interact with the animals, blacklight minigolf, a two-person escape room, one of those delightful interactive science museums that’s an adult playground basically, or even something like a pottery class where you get to work together and drink wine or etc etc ;D

The first activity key is something fun, but something you can be close to one another with, involved in the activity, but still have conversation (thus she’s not picking a concert/movie/comedy show/etc for this first one).

Next up, once you’re delighted and possibly just worn out enough to have worked up an appetite, she drives you to dinner ;)c the sun’s setting, she’s picked a place that’s right up your personal alley, and has a great view. A lot of time is spent here, lingering well after the food’s done, having coffee/tea/another drink, so on, and just having great convo.

She walks you then, not back to her car, but to this little hole in the wall bakery - picks up an order, but doesn’t show it to you. Winks and takes your hand, escorting you onwards. Makes some jokes about the mystery of it but doesn’t answer any questions-

From there, she makes a couple other curious stops, doesn’t show you what she’s pickin gup; but the route you take is really picturesque, and easy walk through a lovely part of town that’s meant to be walked through, especially at night as the lanterns shift the atmosphere and so on.

At last you get back to the car, the playlist transitioning slightly, better setting a intimate but not too crossing-the-line mood; probably has a mild jazzy vibe.

You head a little out of town until she pulls out onto a back road, unlocks a barrier, and continues down the road - if you try and get answers she just grins and winks at you-

Finally, she pulls to a stop - but the windows go black (high tech car and all) before you can see. She gets out first, telling you to close your eyes before she opens your door for you - keep em closed - and she takes your hand at last once she opens the door and you’ve complied, heh. She then sweeps you off your feet, startling you- but laughs and tells you to keep em closed-

She walks for a bit, and finally you’re set back on your feet - a few seconds pass and you’re allowed to open your eyes-!

You’re on a picturesque lookout, an old abandoned observatory behind you - no telescope anymore, but the dome still remaining. Alpha recently purchased the land, and wanted to show you most of all-

She gestures in the direction opposite the building, and you can see for ages, on just the other side of the mountains from the glow of the city - the starry night sky stretching above you for ages, as unimpeded as you’ve ever seen it. The things she picked up are revealed, including dessert, a chilled artisan version of your favorite drink, a specially bound book that appears to be of constellations and their meanings (and, if you’re into astrology, she’s also had it hand tailored to include information on the history and rise thereof in relation to the stars - if not, then it’s just focused on a layman’s view and potential interest in them.)

You spend the rest of the date with her, eating the dessert (your favorite), enjoying the specially selected drink and flipping through the pages of the book, and Alpha continues making jokes with you as she points out constellations and talks more with you on all kinds of topic, the atmosphere growing closer all the while~

And, Alpha being the slick lady she is... well, she’s already been friends with you for a while at this point; don’t be surprised if you wind up thoroughly kissed under the stars, her jacket over your shoulders, and a soft playlist that set the mood just perfectly playing in the background. ♡♡♡

[ae-diaries]

My Life Testimony

Warning: Long post ahead

The content of this blog has me holding a secret I've kept hidden for a long time. I'm a bit hesitant to share my personal story because others (who knew me already) may be shocked or turned off 😅, but hopefully, the thoughts would bless someone and help you face your weaknesses and rise above them. This is a celebration of the greatest miracle I received from God. I never thought that miracle was real, until circumstances proved that it is possible. 

Foremost in my mind is when I was a high school kid. My life was symbolized by the microphone; I’d been exposed to sing in front of a crowd, be it in school or amateur singing contests. It's not to boast but it felt like I was a singing sensation back then, others dubbed me as 'songbird', 'sweet nightingale' to name a few 🤣. But when no one's looking, I felt, for lack of a better description, just off. This was caused by a certain physical condition that tear down my self-image. 

It all began when my mother noticed that I had an uneven shoulders when I was 13 years old. Later on, I was diagnosed with scoliosis measuring a 20-degree curve, and so my doctor from PGH gave me various stretching exercises and required me to wear a brace to prevent the curve from worsening or else surgery awaits me.

I freaked out inside. At the back of my mind, I wondered, “Why me?”. From then on, a hidden scar symbolizes my 'private' life. People might not notice it, but really I was riddled with inferiority complex and lack of self-worth. Nakakaiyak isipin, imagine ako lang bukod tanging estudyante sa private skul na may ganitong klaseng kundisyon. How I pitied myself. Parang ayoko nang lumabas. Hiyang hiya ako. 

I usually cried and pahirapan pa every time my mother would be putting the brace into my body, kabilinbilinan niya wag ko daw aalisin para daw mapabilis paggaling ko, but there was this one time, while I was on my way to school, naisipan kong dumaan muna sa haus ng classmate ko para lang ipatago yung brace ko. And it happened many times. Ang bigat nyang dalhin, di lang sa katawan kundi pati narin sa kalooban. Later on, they found out what I was doing, until wala na silang nagawa sa tigas ng ulo ko. Fortunately, my classmates did not bully me in school; however, I was still very conscious and afraid that my crush would see me like a bionic kid. To this day, I have never told my parents about this reason. You know as a teenager, I was overly sensitive by the opinion of others. And that's all that matters to me. I didn't think of the consequences of this action. 

Fast forward to 2012, sabi nila end of the world na this year (according to Mayan calendar), feeling ko katapusan ko nadin when I went back to the doctor and learned that the deformity progressed to over 50 degrees. Reality finally hit me! A major surgery was needed to correct my S-curved spine. Why I didn't just wear that darn thing? I must admit nagpabaya ako as I was trying to live like a normal kid. At that time, I was already employed in my first job so I filed for a two-month leave. Luckily, my very understanding boss approved it. I also had an amazing orthopedic surgeon, Dr. Teodoro Castro, who explained to me the procedure (though it was as clear as mud to me). He was very reassuring, so I didn't get scared. 

And when he asked, "Kelan mo gusto magpa-opera?," Without a second thought, I replied, "Kahit po bukas na doc!". My thoughts were, "If not now, when pa?"( I felt like I was running out of time.) His eyes bulged upon hearing my immediate response! And so he set the schedule to May 16, 1 p.m (which I spent at Sta. Teresita General Hospital in Quezon City). 

It was exciting, really, though it had 'Final Destination' feels. Andaming 'what ifs', what if di ako maka-survive? Bigla kong naisip talagang 'life is short' at ang dami ko pa palang di nagagawa sa mundong ibabaw such as makapag-serve kay God through joining a spiritual ministry, to travel for a cause, makapag-abroad, makakanta sa tv, makita si Regine & Sarah, magamit license ko to teach students, maigala ang magulang ko, and to have my own family. Sana magawa ko pa ang mga ito after post-op. 

More so, I felt my family's collective fear; I could actually hear the loud beating of my parents' chest when they signed the waiver 🤣. My father had worries that my voice might deteriorate after the operation. Laying in my bed and knowing that I may be that close to dying, I delivered my prayer of surrender to God and remained fearless. The comforting lyrics of 'You made me Stronger' by Kelly Clarkson became my fight song while in the hospital.

Waking up after the operation was the highlight. Being groggy from the anesthesia, I opened my eyes, feeling like it's just a continuation of my short sleep. I saw the nurses and my family - patiently waiting for me to wake up for almost 6 hours na daw. The first thing I asked was, "Tapos na?" (many times). I felt a huge sigh of relief when they uttered the words that struck me to the core, "Oo, tapos na." S*** I couldn't believe my ears; I was flying with joy! For years I have prayed for this miracle. I wanted to shout and do any dance challenge, 🤣 but how could I do that? They were preventing me from talking yet or make any movements because a mask was surrounding my nose and a lot of apparatuses were attached to my body. Later on, I learned that my younger brother cried after seeing me survived the operation. May kadramahan din pala si brother na lagi kong kabangayan 😂. While the success of my operation wouldn't be possible if it weren't for the assistance provided by my father's company, DMCI Corp. That's why I'll always be indebted to their big boss, VAC (May his soul rest in peace).

My healing lasted for almost nine months. I never suffered from complications, just pure torture and regrets na sana di nalang ako nagpa-opera (huhu). This is no exaggeration but dinaig ko pa talaga ang na-cesarean. On the first month after my operation, I became disabled and reached levels of pain I thought never existed in human experience: It was difficult to breath; I could not stand and walk on my own; I became excessively skinny because of drug intake - this was a legal drug prescribed by my doctor which can remove the pain only for 4-6 hrs. It felt so pathetic and frustrating to see myself in front of the mirror. No matter how much I tried to be positive, my insecurities gripped me down again and again to the point of questioning God: "Is there a hope for me?", 

"How come others could breathe and walk so well? During these times, inggit na inggit ako sa mga taong nakakalakad at nakakahinga ng maluwag. Feeling ko life is so unfair. Somewhere deep inside, I believed I was ugly, that He really didn't like me and it was His punishment for all the sins I did in the past. As I poured out my grief before God, a question popped in my head: “Mira, give me reasons why you should remain grateful?.”

“Seriously, how can I be grateful in times like this?.”

But in those agonizing moments, a light of hope from my parents’ eyes illuminates my darkness. 

In all the times that I cried and complained, I never saw them get too tired to feed me or serve me even if it would make them uncomfortable to make me comfortable. I couldn't imagine how they felt when I looked down on myself. Aside from my parents, my siblings, concerned relatives and genuine friends also never left my side. It's as if they became my extra pair of legs when mine refuse to walk. And my heart is full of gratitude today because they have loved me during the times that I didn't love myself. 

I'm living a normal life now as if nothing happened but others observed that except for my angelic voice 🤣, I tend to become forgetful and a little bit of deaf (Yes to this level) - this was probably caused by my extra dose of antibiotics intake 🤣. They noticed that I walk with lightning speed, as if may hinahabol daw ako lagi - maybe subconsciously, this has something to do with my life goals. Yes, I do get tired easier that's why there are some things that I must not do such as lifting heavy objects, sport activities (except for swimming), washing a mountain of clothes 🤣, bawal ma-stress and ma-exposed sa extreme cold places 😅.

As they say, true wisdom is learning from your shortcomings. For everything that I'd been through, I realized that there's a lesson hidden underneath the pain and it was God's way for me to:

(1) strengthen my faith - It was through this difficult times that I also underwent a 'spiritual surgery/enlightenment'. It has helped me find my stride in God and pray like I have never prayed before (for I know nakalimot ako). I didn't know all His plans but surely He was turning my brokenness into greatness. 

(2) love myself, invest in my relationships and create good memories - The whole discernment gave me the courage to keep progressing. I began to accept my imperfections, pick up my self-esteem, and do the things I haven't done before: Much is to be done but so far, I already saw Miss Regine and Sarah in person, traveled to different places, got to teach students in schools, treat my parents - brought  them to concerts and resto; spent midnight snacks and watched movies with my siblings; hang-out with friends; reunited with a long lost friend; restored a broken relationship, and tried to forgive someone;

(3) appreciate the fine details of life - More and more, my wishes become simpler. I realized there is more to life than any material thing could give, and that is getting enough oxygen and optimal healing to every organ in my body. Sobra kong na-appreciate ang buhay ko, especially the air I breathe, and the legs that carry me everywhere.

Eto lang sapat na 'to be happy'. Why did I fail to notice this before? And that's also what I want to ask you, when was the last time you were thankful for the air around you? True to what they say, the best things in life are free, but the problem is we're not contented with what we have and complicate rules to experiencing happiness: “I will be happy only if I’ll be able to upgrade my phone, buy a latest collection of chanel bag, wear a new pair of sketchers shoes..” And I'm so guilty of it because I once was a shoppaholic before that I forgot to remember how 'enough' I truly have.   

As I look back, hagulhol nako sa iyak - there were tears in my eyes, but they were no longer tears of pain but tears of gratitude - thinking how would I survive without the amazing people in my life.

I believe that God wants me to write this article so that I could speak for Him and claim that today, I can go out without any worries because I'm no longer ashamed of the scar life has left me with. It's a blessing in disguise; a sign that I conquered pain and fear. Wala na sigurong pagsubok na di ko kakayanin dahil kinaya ko na yung 'pinakamahirap' because truly, life is about not giving up and trying to fix yourself up after every fall. 

I cannot make the scar disappear but by looking at it, I see a testimony of survival, inner strength and God's miracles. Jesus never said it wouldn't be easy, but He said it would be worth it!  - Matt. 7:13

#secondlife #lifetestimony #embracingmyscar