#this is what didnt make my last job opportunity in this field work out

[elvenbeard]

Ya boi has a job interview for a graphics design job today, wish me luck 🤘

[honeypirate]

Fate of the Clouds

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 Gajeel x Fem Reader 

unedited 

“Hi” you say softly, sitting beside him against the side of the guild house. “Leave me alone” he turned away from you, his voice gruff. He smelled like fireworks and his hair was singed in a few places. You reach out and pinch the end of a lock that was smoldering “all that gorgeous hair, would hate for it to burn” you twist on your butt, laying your back against the sun warmed grass and placing your feet up against the building, you place your hands behind your head as you looked up at the clouds. 

“Why?” his voice was laced with annoyance that you were 50% sure was fake. You look over at his face “why what?” you smile softly at him and you watch his guard fall just a little bit “why won’t you leave me alone?” you sit up again, crossing your legs and resting your hands on your thighs as you study him for a moment “Gajeel, if you really want me to leave and I’m making you uncomfortable, I will. But honestly, I’d like to get to know you. So if it’s alright with you, i’d like to lay here by you and talk, unless you don't want to, then we can just sit together.” 

You watch his emotions in his eyes, he couldn’t understand you. You were sweet and cute and he heard all about how strong a wizard you were. You watched him tear apart the guild hall but you were here by him. Telling him you wat to get to know him? He couldnt decide if you were joking or not. When he doesnt say anything for a few minutes you lay back again, smiling as you look up at the sky. 

After ten minutes go by and your eyes flick down to him, he’s looking at his hands in his lap “Do you mind if I talk to you? You don’t have to respond '' your voice was quiet, like it was carried to his ears on the breeze, his gaze froze on a scar he has on his knuckle “I dont mind” his voice was quieter than you had heard before. His usual anger was gone, just like you suspected it was just a cover for his real feelings. You sigh softly and look back up to the clouds “there is a cloud up there that looks like a horse” he looks up then, his eyes searching, you chuckle and pat the ground next to you softly. He looks down at you, considering, trying to figure you out, to see if you could be hatching a plan. 

He sighs and moves over so he was laying beside you, tensing and watching your face when you scoot closer to him, moving your head down next to his so you could find the cloud again “there” you point up and it takes him a moment to tear his gaze from your soft smile to follow your finger to the right cloud. You move back into your place and smile as you watch the cloud float away and become a blob again. 

“When i was younger..,” you look at him “now you have to promise me you wont tell anyone this, okay? Pinky promise me and since we’re friends you cant break it” you hold up your hand, pinky out and wait for him. His head turns, looking at your eyes and then down to your hand. His fingers drum against his stomach before he hooks his pinky around yours. You smile and pull your hand still connected to his and kiss the back of your thumb, pushing his hand towards his lips next “kiss or it doesnt work” his cheeks flush and he huffs in annoyance but kisses the back of his thumb anyway “thank you Gajeel” you whisper before your hands rest against your stomach again. 

“When I was younger, I had a job on a farm. I would use my water magic to help the crops among other things. I once rode a horse to check for the cows and was feeling really proud of my horse riding skill, I rode down the wrong path, got scraped off the back of my horse and thrown down the mountain. Had a nasty cut on my neck and i wasn't trusted riding alone again. I know this story is stupid, juvenile, but the point is this; trust is something that is really hard to earn, but worth every second. Sure i have other stories i could have told you, other magical ones where i fucked up missions. But all of them have the same point. Proving that you can grow as an individual, proving that people are worthy of a second chance, it’s nice that we even have that opportunity.” you point out another cloud “ooh look at that one! It looks like a starfish!” you chuckle and notice the smile on his lips  

 “Forgiveness has always come easy to me. I truly would like to be your friend and get to know you. No jokes, no dirty tricks. I’m here if you’ll have me Gajeel” he sighs gently, his hands holding his shirt in his fists, his knuckles turning white, after a few minutes his hands release his shirt and he relaxes into the grass.

 He doesn't get any bad vibes from you, if he had to put a picture to how you feel to him, he would picture a field of daisies on a summer day. “That one” he reaches up and points “that one looks like a dragon with a rider on it’s back” you chuckle and follow his finger to the cloud you could see the dragon but figured the rider smudged away “it does! That’s so cute” his cheeks flush and a true smile sits upon his lips. 

After another ten minutes storm clouds roll in as well as cold winds, you shiver and sit up again, turning towards him as he sat up next to you, you reach out slowly and when he doesn't move or say anything you gently run your fingers through his thick hair, pulling out the pieces of grass that stuck to him. “Thank you for letting me sit with you” you smile sweetly up at him, even sitting by him he was much taller and bigger than you. “Thank you, for wanting to” he avoids your gaze, his cheeks dusting pink yet again. 

Every day you would eat meals with him and talk, slowly you would convince others to give him a chance. Inviting others to sit with you both, he slowly opened up more to you and you would cloud gaze and chat about your missions and other things you have witnessed or experienced. but even then, you had to take missions that kept you apart occasionally. 

Excitement was flooding your system, you were a few blocks away from home and you haven't been back for a few months, your last mission was difficult and you spent some time in the hospital. You were so excited to see Gajeel you almost couldn't handle it, forcing yourself to take normal steps and not to run. 

You open the door and look around at everyone, looking for your specific person. Gajeel was in the back of the room, deep in conversation with Levy. Your smile disappears and you feel your heart skip before it crumbles into your stomach. You were happy for him, proud of his growth in the guild. You blink back your tears and then clear your throat softly, working your way through the crowd to the stairs to the dorm. 

You were supposed to be back today, where were you?! He was checking the door every few minutes, his heart racing and his foot tapping against the stone floor. He had gotten back from his mission a few days prior and was waiting for you, you sent him a letter saying when you expected to be back and he kept that letter in his inside jacket pocket. “Hey Gajeeeeel” Levy says as she comes over to his table and he groans internally, he just wanted to talk to you,. 

After humoring her for a few minutes he hears the door close behind him, he turns his head and looks for you but doesn't find you, his eyes lock with Mirajane and she points across the crowded room. When Gajeel followed her finger he sees the end of your hair and bag disappear up the stairs “excuse me” he says, cutting her off and standing quickly, running after you. 

The moment your door closes it’s being opened again, you gasp and your bag falls to the ground “why didn’t you come to me?” he asks, his eyes filled with hurt. You smile up at him and reach behind him, closing the door gently. “You looked busy” you laugh nervously and he furrows his brow “no, dont, don't do this, okay? I was counting down the seconds until you returned, I always count the seconds until you return. So please, come see me immediately next time. Okay?”  your breath hitches as you look at him, his words sinking into your heart. His eyes were wild and his hands were stretched out towards you, he wanted to hug you but you haven't broken the physical touch barrier.. until now. 

You throw your arms around his neck and he tenses, his breath hitching “I missed you so much Gajeel” you whisper and his body relaxes against you, his arms holding you to him tight as he buries his face into your hair. “I missed you too” you pull back and smile up at the dark haired man “wanna get some food and cloud watch and catch up?” you ask and he nods “i’d love to” he says, his gruff voice extremely softer than usual. 

Sitting at a table downstairs you eat your fill, after being gone for so long and not eating enough, it was like you were in heaven. “wow i cant believe you took 5 different missions in two weeks” you say as you finish eating. He laughs “i just took smaller papers so i could back here when you would '' you smile warmly, but he was too busy eating to notice the sweet look you’re giving him. 

You end up on your spot on the grass outside of the build, watching the clouds and talking. You show him your healing wounds that will most likely scar and tell him about your time in the hospital. He looks worried about you but tries to laugh it off “you were scars like badges” you giggle “well duh. I work hard for them” his finger tips brush one of your healed scars and he sighs “i wish you didnt have to get hurt though” he whispers and your heartbeat skips. His eyes meet yours and you smile softly, his eyes looking down to your lips and you almost lean forward to kiss him but before you can he’s turning his attention back to the sky. 

I am such a coward he thinks. How am i supposed to fix this? How do i get back to that moment. His eyes are on your face, watching the clouds reflected on your shiny eyes, the tufts of moisture that you gaze at like you’re reading his fate, and he gets an idea. “look at that one” he points and you don’t really know which one he’s talking about “which one? What does it look like?” He laughs “come see it from my perspective” he all but whispers and you roll on your side, bringing your face close to his to trace his eyesight to the right cloud. But his eyes were on you, on your smiling face and bright eyes, you were gorgeous.

“That one. Right there. It’s a cloud that looks like a cat” you reach out and place your hand on his bicep, your small hand traveling softly down his arm until your hand rests against his bracelet “I can’t find it” you whisper and pout, how could you be so adorable? “It’s right there I don’t know how you can’t see it” he chuckles and you turn your head around, trying different angles before you turn and look back at him “I can’t find it-“ your breath hitches when you notice his gaze is on you, a small smile on his lips and his eyes gentle. His hand moved to cup your cheek “you’re beautiful” his gruff voice was a low whisper, the wind blowing your hair behind you and rustling his into his face. Your hand moves without thinking, brushing his hair out of his eyes and cupping his cheek for a moment. 

“Did these hurt?” your fingers gently brush the studs along his eyebrow “they were magic” you hum, probably hurt as much as the guild tattoo. “These too?” your first finger gently slides down the side of his nose and he nods, his eyes never leaving yours, “what about .. these?” your thumb runs along his bottom lip before pulling it down gently, letting it smack against his teeth as you brush his chin studs. His eyes flick down to your lips and you lean in almost all the way before your eyes flick up to his “Gajeel.. Did you really miss me?” you whisper and a strangled groan escapes his throat “every day” his lips touch yours and you feel sparks burst across your skin, your hand moving to tangle in his hair as he pulls you closer to him. 

You pull back and sigh, your eyes closed for a few moments before they flutter open and meet his. He has a soft blush on his cheeks and a smile “should we form a group?” you ask and he laughs, bringing a smile to your lips “probably” he says as he brushes his fingertips across your cheek “but.. More than that right?” he asks with furrowed brows and you chuckle, pressing your lips softly to the tip of his nose before turning and looking up at the clouds again, like you could read your fate in the tufts of moisture. 

 “I love you Gajeel” you whisper and his breath hitches “you do?” he asks, reaching out and turning your gaze back to his. You smile and nod “yes” he smiles softly, a soft sigh of peace as he presses his forehead to yours “I love you y/n” 

[incorrectzutaraquotes]

i’m sure you’re tired of me posting non incorrect quote or non zutara things, but there are things i want to talk about. it started, i guess, as a trend on tiktok where people would share their stories and experiences with racism as people of color in the united states(or anywhere really, but everyone i’ve seen has been from the us). as a woman of color, i felt compelled to participate, but wasn’t sure how to. i didnt want my face showing up globally because i knew that with posting that, not only could people i know in real life find it, but so could the wrong side of tiktok, thus leading some nice so not comments being left under the post. with tumblr i like the anonymity. i can talk about this in as much detail as i want without anyone being able to put a face to my name. despite being here for almost 19 years, i’m still not completely comfortable talking about these experiences when people know what i look like.

i’m going to put this under a cut so it doesn’t take up too much room, and so you can skip if you want.

for starters, my name’s holly. i’m asian american. i was born in china, but shortly after i was born i was stuck in an overcrowded orphanage. this resulted in being adopted by white parents when i was about one and a half to two years old. i lost fluency with my native language and that eventually lead to losing the language completely, and i lost touch with my culture.

i was in second grade, that’s how far back i can remember my first real encounter with racism. i was seven in a classroom full of white kids. there was this boy with blonde hair and blue eyes who sat next to me for a good portion of the year. i remember walking into class everyday, and every day he would ask me the same questions. “why is your nose so flat?” and “why do you eyes look like that”. i was seven. and whether or not he intended to hurt my feelings, it stuck with me for a long time. at first i was confused, because i didn’t think i looked different. i didn’t view myself as looking different until then. until i was constantly reminded everyday that my facial features were “weird” and “odd”. that my face was undesirable. it lead to years and years of insecurity and self hatred.

i wanted so bad to look like the other white girls in my school. i wanted a cute upturned nose with a perfect bridge shape. i wanted blue eyes. i wanted eyelids that didn’t connect in the corners and eyelashes that were naturally curled and turned up unlike mine, that just rested straight forward. i wished that i had lighter skin and blonde hair. i didn’t want to be different and undesirable. i thought i was ugly, and i would look at myself in the mirror for long periods of time, picking out everything that set me apart from the other white kids at my school.

that same year i found out that i needed glasses, and i’m pretty sure i cried. i didn’t want another reason for myself to stand out. i refused to wear them for an entire year and a half, before i realized that i had to wear them if i wanted to see. i was seven, eight. i wasn’t even in the double digits yet but i had this idea in my head that i was ugly because i wasn’t white. whether that kid had meant to hurt me like that didn’t matter, because the damage had already been done. and the worst part was that i had no one i could tell, but none of my friends and none of my family would understand what i was going through. so i suffered in silence and dealt with it the best a child could.

when i was in middle school, i can vividly remember kids mocking asians for laughs. they thought it was funny. funny to be racist. i remember this one time i was out walking the track with a group of kids during gym class. i was walking just behind them and i overheard their conversation. they were making fun of asian’s eye shape, and pulling their eyes back to make them smaller. and it hurt. and they knew i was walking behind them. they knew i was there and that i could hear their whole conversation, but they didn’t care. and i was too scared to speak up for myself, so i had to sit back, listening to and watching them mock people who looked like me because they thought it was funny. i was in seventh grade.

that next year, i was in eighth grade. i had a class with a boy. (i was convinced i liked him, but i’ve come to realize that was not the case at all. i was just forced into thinking he liked me, and i felt obligated to like him back. i realize now that that is just how society (and a get normative society) has conditioned women to feel, but that these feelings were nothing more than platonic. this will make more sense as i continue to tell the story.)

as i was saying, i had a class with a boy, and we began talking and becoming friends. or, i thought we were friends. i realize now those feelings were one sided, and that he only used me to pick on me. he and his friends would take my things and hide them. they sat behind me and would move my desk during class while i was trying to work. they’d throw things at me, whatever they had available. sometimes it was paper, sometimes it was coins, i remember a few times it was a stick they’d found on the track. and now, it doesn’t seem like a racially motivated thing, and maybe it wasn’t and i’m just overreacting. but i saw how he treated other girls. i saw how he treated his girl friends. i saw how he treated my friends. i was with them all the time, and yet i was the only one who was ever on the receiving end of this treatment. and that, that sucked. but i didn’t tell anyone again, because i knew they would just tell me “that means he likes you”. but his actions went further then a playful slap in the arm, and became almost dangerous. i was only fourteen.

in high school i tried my best to stay away from those toxic people. instead, i could remember the racism i faced in those four years coming from my own family, rather than my peers at school. i cant possibly name every time my family has been racist, but i can specifically remember times when i was constantly told by them that my eyes “didn’t look asian”. that my sister looked “more asian” than i did simply because her eyes were smaller than mine. as if i didn’t already have an identity crisis because i wasn’t white enough to fit in with my predominantly white neighborhood, but i wasn’t asian enough to fit in with the few asian kids at my school. it was my dad who continually pushed me to be an engineer(which im not doing, to clarify). don’t get me wrong, he wanted all of us to be in a field where job demand was high, and he did want my sister to be an engineer, but he didn’t bring it up at the rate that he did with me. he still does it. and this plays into the stereotype that all asians are smart and that because we’re smart i have to go into a field that requires high intellect. he didn’t put that immense amount of pressure on any of my other white siblings. just me.

there’s a chinese restaurant down the street from us. we order from there a lot, and usually they’re really good with getting our orders right. in fact, this was the only time i can remember them getting our order wrong. and immediately they began to make fun of their understanding of english and their broken english. immediately they jumped on that opportunity to mock their language, using words like “ching chong” to describe their words. and the saddest part is, i wasn’t even surprised. and yet i couldn’t say anything because i didn’t want to start a fight, and i knew if i did i would be told that “it was just a joke” or that “you’re being too sensitive”. i often wonder if they’d mock me if i didn’t have perfect english. if i spoke with a “chinese accent”. it makes me wonder if i’m only really accepted because i’ve been so assimilated into whiteness that you can’t even tell i’m asian unless you look at my face. this happened mere weeks ago.

last week i went to get my hair done. because of covid everyone is required to wear masks, but there were at least 10 people in there. i was sat down in front of the mirror while my hairdresser cut my hair. in the reflection of the mirror i could see this older white women getting her hair one behind me. she wasn’t wearing her mask properly. it resting under her nose, eventually her chin, and at one point it came off completely and her hairdresser had to tell her to put it back on. the entire time i was sat in that chair, where i could only look straight ahead in that mirror, she was watching me like a hawk. giving me side eye glances and even turning her head completely towards me at times. let me remind you that there were other customers in there. it wasn’t just me and her. i could feel myself starting to get anxious, my heart starting to speed up and my fingers under the apron they put around you, tapping the side of my phone in my hands nervously. i was genuinely afraid that she would start throwing racist slurs and start blaming me for the coronavirus the entire time. i was scared. and it was literally just last week. im tired.

[stressed-crow]

i didnt exactly get tagged, but @lieberts​ said the “whoever wants to do it” thing (like 4 moths ago but i just found it in my likes) so here i goooo

also i tag @krchov​ @cowardlylearningtobebrave​ @feathereddamsel​ @gruntie​ and @luwucifer-s​ but like, only very vaguely. feel free not to~

1. MUSIC TAG MEME 

Rules: Post your first twenty songs in a playlist on shuffle

Mama (My Chemical Romance)

Stigma (BTS)

Man Who Sold The World (Nirvana)

End of Spring (ONEWE)

Love Maze (BTS)

I’m so afraid (Holland)

Dear my friend (agustd)

O-O-H Child (The Five Stairsteps)

Go Go (BTS)

Time is Running out (The Muse)

Movement (Hozier)

Les Passants (Zaz)

The Witching Hour (ODJBOX)

Feelings (Hayley Kiyoko)

0X1=LOVESONG (txt)

YAYAYA (Stray Kids)

Empire (Of Mice and Men)

Problems (Mother Mother)

Question (Stray Kids)

Kill Your Heroes (AWOLNATION)

(i do not take any criticism on my music taste, least of all a costructive one)

2. Rules: MAKE A NEW POST, bold what applies to you and tag whoever you want to get to know better.

APPEARANCE 

I’m an I-need-to-pull-the-driver-seat-all-the-way-in kind of a person // i wear glasses or contacts // i have blonde hair // i prefer loose clothing to tight clothing  // i have one or more piercings // i have at least one tattoo  // i have blue eyes // i have dyed or highlighted my hair // i have gotten plastic surgery // i have or had braces // i sunburn easily // i have freckles // i paint my nails // i wear makeup // i don’t often smile // i am pleased with how I look // I prefer nike to adidas // i wear baseball hats backward

HOBBIES & TALENTS 

i play a sport // i can play an instrument  // i am artistic  // i know more than one language // i have won a trophy in some sort of competition // i can cook or bake without a recipe // i know how to swim // i enjoy writing // i can do origami // i prefer movies to tv shows // i can execute a perfect somersault // i enjoy singing // i could survive in the wild on my own (if it was like... chill wildreness. i mean i can get a fire going and shit like that i cant fistfight a bear or whatever) // i have read a new book series this year // i enjoy spending time with friends // i travel during school or work breaks // i can do a handstand

RELATIONSHIPS 

i am in a relationship // i have a crush // i have a best friend i have known for ten years // my parents are together // i have dated my best friend // i am adopted // my crush has confessed to me // i have a long-distance relationship // i am an only child // i give advice to my friends // i have made an online friend // i met up with someone i have met online

AESTHETIC 

i have heard the ocean in a conch shell // i have watched the sunrise // i enjoy rainy days // i have slept under the stars // i meditate outside // the sound of chirping calms me // i enjoy the smell of the beach // i know what snow tastes like // i listen to music to fall asleep // i enjoy thunderstorms // i enjoy cloud watching // i have attended a bonfire // i pay close attention to colors // i find mystery in the ocean (i dont like it tho the sea scares me) // i enjoy hiking on nature paths // autumn is my favourite season

MISC 

i can fall asleep in a moving vehicle // i am the mom friend // i live by a certain quote // i like the smell of sharpies // i am involved in extracurricular activities // i enjoy mexican food // i can drive a stick-shift  // i believe in true love // i make up scenarios to fall asleep // i sing in the shower // i wish i lived in a video game // i have a canopy above my bed // i am multiracial // i am a redhead // i own at least one dog // i have a cat ---------

3. THIS OR THAT TAG GAME (1)

sage green or baby blue | moon or stars | paperback or hardback | piercings or tattoos (i want a new one... both piercing and tattoo) | drawing or writing | saturn or jupiter | line without a hook or mr. loverman (what does this mean??) | ancient greece or ancient egypt | prague (yo i live here thats wild) or amsterdam | dark academia or light academia | indie aesthetic or cottagecore | stargazing or late night drives | strawberries or watermelons | rings or necklaces | extrovert or introvert | dragons or griffins | ocean or mountain | silver or gold | dawn or dusk | creative or free spirit | early bird or night owl | cook or bake | dagger or sword ---------

4. THIS OR THAT TAG GAME (2)

indoor plants or gardens // cloud-watching or star-gazing // water or fire // paperback or hardcover // running or hiking // sleeping with socks or without socks // fruit or vegetables // hanging plants or succulents // dark wood or light wood // handwritten or typed // instagram or pinterest (i dont do either) // braids or pigtails // books or movies // oceans or meadows // forests or fields // sweet or salty // ice cream or chocolate // hoodies or sweaters // long hair or short hair // piercings or tattoos (new!! both!!) // summer or winter (both suck) // boots or sneakers // cars or motorcycles // curls or straight hair // castles or cottages // sunny days or storms // reptiles or birds // disney or nickelodeon (am european) // strawberries or watermelon (im using this opportunity to pick the other one yes) // essays or posters // phones or laptops // glass or stone // dark or light // photos or paintings // circuses or theaters // reading or writing // dogs or cats // poetry or novels // monsters or ghosts // thrift shops or libraries // fiction or non-fiction

5. Post one picture from my camera roll (no new downloads) to sum up my personality! u get two bcs they are v good

6. 30 QUESTIONS TAG GAME 

RULES: Answer 30 questions and tag others

Name/Nickname: lucy 

Gender: female 

Star Sign: leo

Height: 170 cm 

Time: 22:04 

Birthday: july 1  IS WHAT I WROTE INITIALLY bcs i cant fucking read and thought it just said “date” lol anyway its 11th of August

Favorite Bands: bts, stray kids :)

Favorite Solo Artists: sunmi, taemin :) and hozier i cant betray him 

Song stuck in my head: la la la la vie en rose

Last Movie: def some horror movie but i forget which lol

Last Show: probably the untamed lmaooo did not even finnish it 

When did I create this blog: december 2013 apparently 

What do I post: kpop babey 

Last thing googled: i gotta fact check lots of shit for work so probs smting sports related (but make no mistake i dont know a single thing abt sports) 

Other blogs: what for i dump everything here

Do I get asks: no

Why I chose my url: self-explanatory

Following: 100

Followers: ???

Average hours of sleep: about 8 hours 

Instruments: none 

What am I wearing: pink pajama shorts with kitties, black shirt torn beyond decent wearability and this dark green... jacket,,, hoodie...thing.

Dream job: village witch 

Dream trip: me @ japan: 

(i was supposed to go study there starting winter 2020 :) im abt to lose my fucking mind :) so yeah you get a dead meme for this) also new zealand, iceland, and going back to sweden sometime

Favorite food: pizza bithc its versatile, also cereal coz im a child

Nationality: czech (rip) 

Favorite song: black swan (bts), levanter (skz), take me to church (hozier), noir (sunmi) (those are from the top of my head current favs theres way more but here u go)

Last book read: MIMOZEMŠŤANÉ V ČECHÁCH (= aliens in czechia) by idk, some married couple thats probs wanted whatever xfiles had but low budget, its pure nonsense, best read of this year, dont regret a single second

 Top three fictional universes I’d like to live in: magnus archives bich i dont give a fuck; middle earth to blaze it with hobbits; i wanna be one of those lil shaky-head-tree-things in mononokehime

[hypertronicmain]

Whatever's worth it

Today, was alot of work.

I woke up tired from staying up late last night. I could instantly feel my nose was congested and my sinuses were blocked. Didnt know if it was allergies or just bad sleep but i saw it coming nevertheless. My kitchen is disgusting, my room still half covered in dog fur, another job that would take a good hour to do. But it needs to be done.

I get to work at 2, there's a lot to take in, new location, new staff to meet, whole new work flow. it was like starting all over again, but this time I just knew how the business worked. I felt like i had mastered level 1, and this was level 2. But maybe I skipped a level or two, because now instead of just take away, I'm serving tables on two storeys as well as all the duties I had before. At least the food is better.

Got some motivation to finally look at exchange opportunities today as well. Keio uni in Tokyo looks really awesome. cant wait to study ghosts, goblins, anime and otaku literature. That really would be amazing. Its probably a year away but i cant wait to start preparing for it. I needed that bit of motivation, especially since ill need to save up some money for it.

Still thinking about whether I'll keep this job after the summer. Shifts are so grueling sometimes, They take up my whole days energy. The money would be nice, but I really don't need it, and I would rather put my energy into the things that I really want to do. My mother actually sent me an interesting article today.

https://www.theguardian.com/books/2021/aug/07/on-earth-4000-weeks-so-why-lose-time-online-distraction-oliver-burkeman

Dunno if it makes sense, but what i got out of it is that everything you do in life that isnt towards the things you love, is just a distraction. Of course stuff to keep yourself alive and healthy, both mentally and physically counts to that as well. but things like video games, social media, doing degenerate shit, binge eating. Its all just a distraction, which can be good sometimes. But one important point the article made, was that internet conglomerates make all of their money on keeping you on the internet for as long as possible. And of course the easiest way to do that is to keep you distracted.

it made me think what work really meant to me. Doing a hard, labor intensive, sometimes mentally draining activity that allows me to pay for things i would not usually be able to with my regular budget. But i dont consider myself very materialistic, for me its all about trying to better myself, and some of those things do come with a change of image, as a form of affirmation. So im saying im gonna buy clothes. But apart from aesthetics and general welfare products i dont have the need for much else. however, if i did not have this job, i know that most of my time would be playing video games, watching teevee and eating. So i guess work is saving me from being distracted, and allowing me to invest more in my own welfare.

So that does make it worth it, but only for a short while. After the summer my friends will be back, ill have a whole new field of study, and alot of reading. For now, ill just get through the time i do have here, i know ill be looking back on it for a long time now.

[chicagopd2020]

New Beginnings Are Good For Everyone!!!

Kim Burgess has loved everything about her job. Honestly it was getting to be a little to much for at times. She loves being an FBI Agent & helping save lives of the people & putting away the bad guys but she is ready for something different. She still wants to work in law enforcement but something with a smaller unit of people. Luckily she made a new friend with a woman that had some into the FBI a few months ago. Erin Lindsey.

She was given the job of showing her the ropes of how everything was done. Within the time that they had soent together they had become very close, she would even go as far as saying Erin was her best friend. She was jealous of her a little though becayse tge unit that she came from in Chicago was exactly the kind of work that she has always wanted to do.

It just becomes a bit much at times. I just sometimes wish I work in a unit like you used to work in, Kim says to Erin

Kim you have been here for right at 5 years if you a change nobody would judge you. Erins tells her

That may be true but I honestly wouldnt even know where to start, all I know is how to be an FBI Agent.

If I can set up a metting between you and my old sargent in Chicago, would you be willing to fly out there for a few days.

You would really do that for me? She asks

Of course as much as you have done for me its the least I could do.

Kim thinking that it wouldnt actually happen told Erin if she could set it up that she would fly out and me him.

Erin let Kim know to keep her a couple days & she would have an answer for her.

Kims weekend was pretty uneventful for the most part. It was just her & her couch...with the work week she had she thought she deserved it. Knowing Monday morning would come quicker than she wanted it to. As her alarm goes off at 4:30am like usual she gets up so that she would have enough time to get ready to make it on time to the office.

She arrives at the office at 6:30am like normal with her & Erin's morning coffee to help them survive the day.

Erin spots Kim walking her way with the extra coffee in her hand. She met her halfway because she was just so excited to let her know about the phone called that happened this weekend. She just had to let her know everything that she was told.

Good Morning Beautiful    Erin says excitedly with a huge smile on her face.

Good Morning to you too.    Smiling back to her

So I was going to wait til lunch and tell you the information that i found out this weekend but I dont think I can wait that long.

What are you talking about?    She asked puzzled

So I talked to my olf Sargent Hank Voight and he actually has an open spot in the Intelligence Unit. He is willing to meet with you next week to see if you would be a great addition to the team or not. I vouched for you and told him that he wouldnt find anyone better.

Kim had this blank look on her face...she just couldnt believe this was happening. She had pushed it of her mind thinking it wasnt going to happen.

I cant think you enough for doing this for me. What if he doesnt like me?

Just be yourself & he will love you. Plus ive seen first hand what you can do in the field. I know you are an amazing cop & would be a perfect fit for the team.

All Kim could do is hug Erin so tight.

She left for Chicago tomorrow & would be there for couple days. She has never been more nervous about anything but the only reason that she was this way was because she wanted it so bad. Everything was packed and ready to head to what she was hoping was the beginning of a new start to the rest of her life.

**Jay**

Ever since Erin had left without saying anything to him he just hasnt been the same. He goes to work does his job but besides that he doesnt really care about much of anything else. His job is the only thing that he has good going for him right now. He would only hang with the team at mollys for few drinks but he would always stay quiet just thinking about maybe what he done to cause her to up and leave him without as much as an explanation.

Everyone was worried about Jay, they knew he was hurting because of her leaving but he never let it affect his job performance. They just want him to be happy and find someone to make him happy again. They all know that she isnt coming back this time. She is gone for good and there is nothing that Jay,Hank or anyone on the team could do to bring her back. Maybe they could talk him into letting them set him up on a blind date.

5 months had gone by and he knew that he should put himself back out in the dating world but he didnt really want to start caring about someone again the way he did her just to be hurt again, but he also knows that he cant compare every woman to her and not every woman out there is going to hurt him or leave him. He just has to be a little more cautious this time before letting someone competely in. Maybe just maybe he might take the guys up on their option of letting them set me up on a blind date, I mean if it doesnt work out i mean at least he cant say that he didnt try.

He walks into the pin and he sees Adam & Kevin having a conversation so he walks up to them with a slight smile on his face.

Set it up. He blurts out

They both look at him kind of lost.

Ok..What exactly are you setting up?

You said that you wanted to set me up on a blind date & i thought that i would give it a shot. Whats the worst thing that could happen....Get stood up or End up not having a good time. I will never know if I dont give it a shot.

They were surprised but they are just glad that he is finally putting himself out there or at least giving them the opportunity to get him back in the dating life.

You got it brother..    They both say with a smile on their face.

Saying that he was nervous was a little bit of an understatement. He had arrived a little bit early just to make sure that everything was fine and set up to his liking. He had been sitting for 30 mins. She was a few mins late...whoever she was.

After sitting there for a little while longer he realized that she wasnt coming so he just decided to go to the bar and have drink or 2 or 4 he hadnt really made up his mind. He was sitting there looking at his drink when he seen a shadow standing next to him.

Is this seat taken? The nice lady ask

Not at all feel free he says as he goes back to nursing his drink getting lost in his thoughts.

Im sorry i dont mean to intrude but are you ok? You dont look the best...No offense. She ask him

No offense taken. I let my friends set me up on a blind date and whoever she was decided that to stand me up, so instead of sitting at the table looking like a fool i decided that i would come over here and have a few drinks. So i guess you could say that i have been better. Whats a lady like you doing out at this time of night?

I am staying in a room upstairs & have alot going through my mind so i thought that maybe if I came down here and had a drink that maybe it would ease my mind a bit and that i would actually be able to get some sleep. She informs him

Are you in Chicago for business or fun?

I am here for business I am currently living in Washington but I have an interview tomorrow and if all goes well then i may just end up permanently in Chicago. Heres to hoping she says as she holds up her glass.

He holds his up as well. I hope everything goes the way that you want it to tomorrow. My name is Jay he says as he sticks out his hand with a small smile.

My name is Kim it was very nice meeting you Jay but I think that it is time that i head upstairs to get some rest so that i dont look too tired in the morning. Good Night and I hope that your night gets better.

Thank you Kim, Good Luck tomorrow on your interview.

As she walks away he couldnt help but to look over his shoulder one last time before she was out of his sight knowing that he may never see this woman again. He was surprised that when he looked over he shoulder that his eyes was met with hers looking right back at him and she turn the corner with one final smile. When she was out of his sight he finished the drink in his hand he decided to just head home, turns out that being stood up turned out to be one of the best things that had happened to him. He really had to thank the boys for choosing such a horrible date for him.

PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK...AND BE TRUTHFUL & LET ME KNOW IF I SHOULD CONTINUE OR NOT????

[sweetbunnykook]

Bunny! Im just so sry for venting bc ur blog is a space safe for me (prev self sabotage anon) umm so bcs of my low income family, it was drilled in my head since the age of 3 the concept of money, to the point that it was a common catchphrase from my mom that ‘do u have any idea what could i possibly buy if u werent born’ it got worse after relatives (from my dad’s side) drained him and kick us out the house and the ‘u shouldnt trust anyone in this world’ was introduced when i hit 10 after (1)

finding out that i essentially was taken as a hostage by my aunt (from dad family,,again) after my mom left me in her care and go abroad to find a job and then find out my aunt embezzle like 6 grand from her instead of paying debts piling and threatened to leave me in the middle of nowhere so my mom was forced to go home and after knowing all that i felt so so angry and guilty that my mom was right and im about to turn 17 in a few months and this time i had to go to college because i didnt (2)

continue my junior year bc i took a program so i just graduate after sophomore, i felt like i didnt spend any single second having a ‘normal’ teen life and am terrified of wasting youth due to the prospect of growing up because money money money money is programmed in my head and i cant even figure out whether is it beneficial for me to take a degree suited for my passion or take a degree thats more easy so the chance i can get employed higher (im so sry that i just basically told my sob story)

I’m really sorry you have to live in such a draining environment. We can’t control dysfunctional families and most of the time, because of how young we are, it’s difficult to find an instant way out. Planning takes time but execution will be worth all the brain-rotting stress you have right now. 

Let’s address a few things first, okay? First, money is important but its importance shouldn’t make you feel like you can’t live your life. Growing up in a low income family, I was also often told of how terrifying money is because any big emergency can be devastating. My parents are strict about saving and we don’t go out to restaurants (maybe once a year, if we’re lucky), buy anything we don’t really need, or have friends that invite us to expensive places. Growing up frugal caused me to go a little crazy when I got to college and had extra scholarship money which I spent (stupidly) and didn’t save. But it made me happy that I can be self-sufficient, which is what money should really be about. If you can sustain yourself and indulge in little joyful things here and there, it’ll keep you sane until you are in the position to budget better and move out to your own space. 

Second, education is important not because of what you’re going to learn in the field you’re studying, but because you learn how to navigate life. It’s true; it’s not what you know, but who you know. When you grow up not having taught financial literacy ALONGSIDE discrimination against the working or lower class, you don’t have a full grasp of your reality to understand the way out. Parents, especially, have little to no knowledge about how times have changed. A traditional degree is not the safest route to take. There are many people walking around with a master’s degree in biology unemployed because they probably were not taught the value of creating opportunities instead of waiting for it to come around to you. I only learned about that this year, by the way. It takes time to turn away from what you parents taught you about money and education and face the reality of today’s job market. There is demand for STEM majors because technology is a large part of our lives now and of course, you might have a smoother experience landing a job after graduation. However, every graduate student have their own experiences and you can’t predict what will happen. You can only increase your chance of being hired by developing skills and talking to people who can give you opportunities. I know an aerospace engineer who was unemployed for two years after graduation, a mechanical engineer who was unemployed for six months after graduation, and people who got a job a day after graduation. 

Third, know that you’re not alone. You lost your teenage years to draining people around you. I did too. And a lot of my readers here did too. Although it’s upsetting that you can’t redo your childhood, it’s relieving that you are closer and closer to independence. You can still indulge in things you wanted to do as a teenager during adulthood. Last semester, I drove twenty minutes from school to a mall just to walk around aimlessly which was a dream of mine when I was little and wasn’t allowed to go anywhere with anyone. I still play old games I loved when I was younger and wander alone while skipping a class here and there. You have to do what you have to do to stay sane and trust yourself that YOU (yes, you), with your own efforts, will get out of there. Trust yourself, trust that anything valuable takes time to achieve, and that there are people out there who support you. 

- 🐰

[swampgallows]

i got distracted earlier and forgot to post but im thankful for my mutuals who have helped me time and again, even if it’s in ways you may not know. i appreciate you all so much and i am so grateful for the friends i’ve made here and the small but intimate community cultivated through tumblr. 

zbfc and wch, thank you for everything. @zeyan i love you with all my heart and i’m so fucking thankful i could have funny airbnb time with you and @aeiroki grimlock hunterpunter. you make me laugh every single day and i always want the best for you both (and jack!!! and PARKER!!!)

@lokaror thank you for letting me share my love of rexxar and bears with you. we’ve shared a lot of fantastic laughs together, some very fun stuff and some very deep shit too. i treasure every one of our convos together, and your playlists too!

@reglei thankful i finally got to beat you into submission at blizzcon. youre a sweetheart and a sleepyhead. thanks for listening to me ramble late into the night. i appreciate all the times youve had my back, whether it was creepy dudes or spoilers or w/e. you shoulda killed me w gorehowl when you had the chance

I LOVE @amarysue i miss you when you work long hours but i’m always so happy when we get to play games together. i hope you can leave the mcdonalds playplace soon. also i dont get to say it much but i love talking about academic stuff with you. i know i rib you about dark leafy greens but you are very educated in a lot of amazing fields and i love when you share your knowledge with me!!! i love amary!!!!

@theabsolutevoid i know youre the void but youre a golden human being of radiant light. you are so spectacular, we are all always in amazement of your passion and creativity and constant flow of ideas, and your compassion seems boundless. i am so grateful to know such a special person and spent many late nights laughing to tears with you

@perce the dynamic duo... im thankful daygo got me into ladybug so i could hear all of your amazing takes on it as they are equally as hilarious as your wow takes. i admire your resilience, though that might be weird to say, and though i know i’m an old crone youre definitely a role model for me taking command of my own life and establishing boundaries to become the person i want to be. i’m so grateful we got to spend blizzcon together again!! and thank you for getting me the long-forgotten hippogryph. its a very important memory to me.

refugees i know i dont pop in much but i still love you all dearly. im embarrassed actually because you are all functional adults and i’m not but when i get a job and reenter society i want to be able to come back and say i’m a big kid now

thrainosh squad @irenthel @wckhamm etc thank you for letting me indulge my interests without ridicule or judgment. @fitzefitcher i dunno you changed my life SORRY there is not a less fucked up way to say that. no pressure

@sithisis & crew thank you for so many incredible hots games and wonderful memories and all of your sweetness and fun times!!! sith you have inspired and supported so much of my writing and my ideas and i am in awe that you are getting so many amazing opportunities working in games journalism!!! i know theres a lot of grunt work but at the end of the day it seems like youre really doing something you genuinely love (and are good at!!) and i’m so happy for you. you work hard and you deserve it. im love skitty w a gun 

@steblynkaagain your art is such an inspiration to me, and i’m amazed by your cosplay too! i’m thankful that even across language barriers we can enjoy thraina and silly modern AUs together. i am so impressed by your intelligence and achievements. your comic where you pledge yourself to Thrall’s Horde is still so important to me, and every day i think about your mechanic garrosh..... and doctor drek’thar, and doctor thrall, and SHAMAN GARROSH....... (sob)

@captainkaprozyx and @sdei ... i am so thankful for all of your artwork and your amazing gifts. i am working on getting them framed, and your zine was amazing! you are a great team and I love your collaborations. also sdei’s birthday gift is still my discord icon. we just really love a big guy huh....... cannot express how inspiring your artwork is. the detail, the colors... it brings me to tears, i am so stunned. you are both so incredibly talented!

@omnifariousness bro i dont even know where to start. many good dog times and we can strike up the late night jawin again soon i hope. shit has been scattered and i know youve been dippin back n forth on the road but i hope the shit evens out soon for you. excited for you to see tool in feb and damn dude every DAY i think about the reading you treated me to of the 40k stuff for your reel. god man i want that VA shit to work out for you bad. your diction is impeccable and you so deserve it

@darnjam i know you guys dont read this but i love you so much and every day i’m so thankful we’re all still friends. @daygloow thank you for being like the sole source and catalyst for my personal development for like the last 3 years, im so proud of you and everything youve worked so hard to achieve and i’m so glad youre getting the recognition you deserve. thank you for always picking me up (vehicular and emotional) and for watching cartoons n playin vidya with me. god whens the next GOOD rave? i need to make you proud and actually dj so i can play banana

@bluntcrusher every day i’m like god when will king tori take the throne... im so thankful that youre in a good spot finally and that youre getting the love you deserve. and plus a sweet pucci mane. my blogs a mess but im glad youre still stickin around for it haha. always happy to see youre safe and THRIVING

@swarnpert love you dude thank you for lettin me harass you w 420 snaps. bro when you sent me those sabaton snaps i was in line for the haunted mansion at disneyland during blizzcon and it was just like... my heart was so full, it meant so much to me ALSO HOLY SHIT i love your art please NEVER STOP drawing

@nelfs i love your blog and your art and your FEELINGS like I dunno how to word it in a not-weird way. i think you are a very bright person with a good heart, and i’m thankful to know someone like that, even tangentially. it is fortifying also to see someone stand up for the things they love, whether it’s just a cartoon show or something of serious concern like animal welfare. i admire your healthy relationship to yourself and your strong integrity.

@neophyte-redglare i think about bead world garrosh every fucking day of my life. cannot thank you enough. i treasure it

@redpandalori THIS IS THE MVP RIGHT HERE. i dunno when you started sending me floods of kittums but every day i look forward to it and every single one means so much to me. i wear the kandi you handcrafted for me every single day and i show it off constantly to my friends because it’s just mindblowing. you are so sweet and thoughtful and i love sendin you snaps and it’s just incredible how the internet is. thank you for sending me rain snaps and kito & harley/ears & lilith pics all the time

@hungwy i dunno WHAT you get outta my blog but i’m thankful for the reams of sweet animal pics and interesting linguistic and anthropology posts on your blog. you’re a very positive force on my dash and you seem a wonderful person irl too!

@ubersaur im so happy we’re still mutuals after all this time lmao. you were one of the first aces id ever known so we’ll always have that solidarity and i’ll always be thankful. and i have to seriously catch up on magus bride haha. thank you for all of your love and support after all this time, i hope i offer the same to you!!

@18milliondeadplebs the rare and beautiful nexus of my two sole interests... warcraft and raving. dude just thank you for existing man LMAO i hope we can go ravin together some day

@kontextmaschine what a strange long fuckin trip it’s been dude. super surreal to have raved with you and had you come all the way down for burst but i knew i’d be remiss if youd missed it. you definitely deserved a potent taste of the 90s. thank you for the usb sticks, im still waiting on a worthy recipient for the other two. the majority of your blog is practically in hieroglyphics to me but man when the posts hit... they fuckin hit. i know you dont need me to tell you, but youve got a great talent and weirdass fuckin eye. a very very particular eye. love you man. please kiss badger for me.

@ironbull thank you for suffering in wisdom tooth hell with me. i am glad you had a good time at disney world and im hoping we can both be free of all of our tooth woes soon. thank you also for your advice and support in my personal stuff too!!

@kittensceilidh thank you for your sweet messages! every one of your hugs means a lot to me!!! it is nice to feel seen when i am in dark places.

@dimedog warcraft and foggy forests... hell yeah dude

@tim-official man sometimes it really is as simple as just laughing at the same funny shit, but youve reached out to me too and i appreciate it!!!

@peanotbotter thank you for all of the laughs and the kind words! thank you for caring about me, i care about you too!! i hope we can play hots again or wow together soon!!! 

wow this got long but i love a bunch of people. there are more of you that i love and are very special to me and i apologize if i didnt get to you. i hope you all had a nice holiday, if you celebrated. thank you for believing in me

[normal-thoughts-official]

Ok hmmmm fake dating art school au with Malec, Claia, Lukemaryse and (platonic, obviously) garrowbane where hmmm magnus is with an ex at the start and tries setting up Luke with people

well this got really cracky really fast

okay so im gonna go ahead and say that i have no idea how art school works in the US so for the sake of My Convenience™ imma go with the way it is in Brazil, which is "there are numerous kinds of arts going on in the same institute/college"

so im thinking..... clary obviously is doing visual arts, painting, whatever its called (this is probably where i should warn you that i know nothing about visual arts). maia is not really an arts major, but she's doing a course on technical/scientific drawing since shes a biology major and that's useful for her field studies. magnus is on the same course, except hes like an engineering major really. im a slut for inventor Magnus so yeah he wants to be an engineer to develop new kinds of technology so technical drawing is important for him. meliorn (watch me slip meliorn in literally everything i can) is a theatre major, and Luke and Maryse r both studying music

Luke and Maryse r older and like idk how common that is in the US but here in Brazil some ppl (spec retired ppl) come back to college to study something they have Always Wanted To but that wouldnt bring them money. i know that the whole "no free college" thing makes that harder but they can be post-graduates i guess. or Luke is and maryse is a regular major but shes a super rich hotshot lawyer who after the divorce decided to be less stuck up and dedicate herself to things she enjoys, and since shes rich, she has the money to do a major or a music course just for fun

anyway! Magnus is the kind of guy whos friends with everyone from all ages and courses. he quickly becomes friends with maia (shes on his course after all) and meliorn (who is a theatre major but takes classes in everything they can because.... they can)

i just realized maia/meliorn has a LOT of brotp potential but ok anyway

magnus and maia bond greatly over their shared interests (yeah shes a biologist and hes an engineer but magnus' interests vary a lot and also hes a fan of biochemistry. they also have relatively similar life stories and a similar sense of humor, even if maia is sharper at the edges - which is something Magnus likes, really. she's fierce and fun and unafraid and he wishes he were more like her sometimes. they have a mutual admiration and kind of protection pact). meliorn on the other hand is kind of the local queer cryptid in a way, which of course means magnus immediately befriends him, and Maia is just delighted at how much of a trickster they are. magnus also likes meliorn a lot because they're so... chill and easy and unbothered by social conventions to the point of being nearly unaware, which makes Magnus feel so comfortable. and meliorn thinks Magnus is interesting, and they all get along.

maia kind of brings luke into the group. luke is kind of maia's adoptive uncle. she lives alone but once she ran away from home luke was super nice and helpful and also one of the ppl who most encouraged her to go after her major like she wanted

luke and maia are clearly close and have each other's backs, but they also tease each other a lot. so when one day luke teases maia over her crush on clary, she retaliates by looking DIRECTLY at meliorn and being like "he's just jealous. did you ppl know he hasnt been on a single date in years" and meliorn, who thrives on the chaos, is like "oooh we should set him up" and magnus of course jumps at the opportunity

so the three of them keep trying to set ppl up with luke, and it just ...... never works. like doesnt come even close to working. its kind of a disaster actually. its awkward, it never clicks, and at this point luke is begging them to stop but you know thats not gonna happen. so as a last resort, luke lies that he's dating a woman from class. cue him asking maryse, whom hes never talked to in his life but is the only eligible woman his age at class, to like, please do him a solid. and maryse is just so shocked by this random (but handsome) man's life, shes like. lmao sure. look shes a post-divorce woman she wants to be free and cease giving fucks

and maryse kind of has fun pretending to date luke, but she's a busy woman and she doesnt hang out with them often, and they are like [BANGING POTS AND PANS] WE WANT TO ACTUALLY MEET HER

and luke is all like "well maybe if all of yall singles got dates we could have a date together otherwise get out" so maia asks clary out purely out of spite and turns out it works, but Magnus and Meliorn are like "uuuuhhhhh,,,,,,," so meliorn is like "what if we pretend to be together lmao" and Magnus is like shit we're gonna do that aren't we

i know its not exactly Magnus having an ex but look im struggling to put all of this together okay udhdhdbd also im not big on the whole "breaking up because of someone else" trope ya feel

god this is just the setup for malec to meet, im,,,, a mess

so anyway Magnus and Meliorn are determined to totally sell this to luke (maia knows its a scam of course, she can smell bullshit from miles away). and luke and maryse are also totally determined to sell this cuz everyone is an idiot. so they keep having, like,,,,, dates together, until eventually they kind of become a solid group of friends. they all welcome maryse and are really impressed by how critical she is of her pre-divorce self and how it did wonders for her, they think shes really strong. she even shares about how she struggled with her son being gay and her daughter deciding to become a forensic pathologist instead of a lawyer like her, you know. in short they all become good friends

so now everyone (but maia and clary who are happy and drama free and laughing their butts off at Magnus and Meliorn) is in a difficult situation because now theyre all friends! what are they gonna do, confess it was a scam all along? pretend to break up and make the whole thing awkward? they're trapped in their fake dating and it looks like they're just gonna have to, like ... deal with it

and in luke and maryse's situation it's even more complicated because they are kind of getting into each other, and theyre like groaning because theyre grown ass adults they shouldn't be living this trope. and yet

anyway as they become closer they start going to maryse's (shes the only one with a large enough place) and that's when Magnus meets Alec and meliorn meets izzy

which,,,,, despair

because they had been doing a great job of fake dating so far, excuse you, they are partners in crime. they're a well oiled lying machine and they work together flawlessly. magnus is not even a good liar but shit if meliorn didnt teach him every trick on how to not technically lie, and also they are very close and the kind of ppl who are comfortable with sharing affection, so yeah they drape their arms on each others shoulders and hold hands and kiss each others cheeks NO PROBLEM but now theyre both interested in someone else

hell, theyre both interested in maryse's kids

fuck

shit

goddamn

meliorn is all like "i told you we should have pretended to have an open relationship" and Magnus is like luke KNOWS im monogamous he would KNOW we're lying and meliorn is like FUCK and maia and clary are losing their shits

meanwhile luke and maryse are becoming more and more domestic and oblivious to the world. they will b like "you kids put the movie on, we'll make dinner" and be all like fluffy asshole

izzy quickly picks up that its a scheme cuz shes smart, and flirts with meliorn when maryse isnt around, while Alec is like SHIT dude i cant believe ur into a TAKEN MAN what the fuck kind of sad gay stereotype r u

but their pull is like,,, stronk and they frequently find themselves getting lost in their own little world and lowkey flirting and just being a liiiiil too close (especially in alecs case since hes like ..... stoic extraordinaire) and then theyre like AH SHIT WAIT and they jump and pretend nothings happening

and look, izzy would tell Alec about the scam, but she's, como se dice...... having way too much fun at his expense. she and meliorn start dating on like day 1 and make a pact to see how long they can keep the act up and enjoy the show

maia and clary have eaten their combined weight in popcorn by this point

the intrigue. the chaos. the misunderstandings

it gets more and more ridiculous as time goes by but Magnus is still determined to yknow keep the act up and not expose his and meliorn's lies

they just,,,,,,, live like this

it lasts for so long

like ..... months of ridiculousness

and alec is suffering because hes into a taken man whos obviously very in love with his partner and he feels guilty and all of that shit

and magnus just.... doesnt know what to do with his predicament. look he has anxiety this was a bad idea how is he gonna walk up to Alec and b like "hey so I'm not really dating meliorn it was all a scam so we could spy on luke and ur mom but it went too far" and the more time passes the more awkward it gets

the dam probably breaks when magnus finds meliorn and izzy on a date on accident, and hes like rjrhrjrjdnc SO THEY KNOW???? and meliorn is like nah only izzy knows we wanted to see how long itd take for u and alec to get ur shit together. and magnus is like oh my god and meliorn is like "in my defense i didnt think it would take literal months!!!!!! and then it started to feel awkward to just tell you to go for it"

so magnus is like FINE i guess i will TELL ALEC and ask him if he wants to DATE ME IN SECRET so we can keep NOT HAVING TO CONFESS WE LIED TO HIS MOM

and then i guess he tells Alec???? and he still isnt sure whether or not Alec likes him so he isnt planning to ask him out immediately afterwards, just, you know, let him in on the secret, and Alec is like "dude my mom is lying too" and Magnus is like what she and luke are like married

anyway knowing about that gives them full permission to come out as lying bitches so they're like "how dare you lie to us like this.. but also we did the same thing"

eventually luke actually asks maryse out

i dont even know whats happening anymore god im done

this is your fault anon

if anyone wants to actually write this, feel free rjrhdjdn honestly id read it

[fatherquesadilla]

Orion D. Black -They/Them · @DungeonCommandr

4th Jul 2020 from TwitLonger

my statement

"It's July 3th and I no longer work for Wizards of the Coast. I no longer work on D&D, the little that I did. This is going to be a long thread and my last for quite a while, so bear with me.

I took the job for two reasons. The first was for the dream. To escape poverty doing what I love, writing and making games. The second was to make D&D welcoming to the millions who are scorned by it.

A lot of people had hope for D&D that they carried with me. While some people were upset to see me work for a corporation that overshadows indie, others hoped that I would be able to make real change. I tried. I failed. And I lost a lot.

Liking a tweet or post, RTing, or even following people who speak ill of WotC can lose you your job in an instant. That's why you never see it happen. @Zbeg is 100% correct. It's a silencing tool. I can say more now.

Kindness doesn't replace respect. Working within your comfort zone doesnt support change. Most people in that group were not ready for me to be there, a nonbinary Black person who would actually critique their problems. Idk what they expected.

I worked hard for a very long time. I got a lot of smiles and vocal support, but it was followed by inaction and being ignored. My coworkers were frustrated for me, and still are now. I confided in them often, cried on shoulders on a few occasions.

I realized at one point that leadership had given me 2 assignments over about 5 months. It was mostly me asking project leads for work, searching out opportunities. Leadership didnt really care about me or my growth. I had to.

I firmly believe that I was a diversity hire. There was no expectation for me to do much of anything. I probably disrupted them by being vocal and following up. It didnt matter if I was supported by seniors and positive.

I think genuine people proposed me as an option and it was accepted because it would look like a radical positive change. It would help quiet vocal outrage. And because I had to stay silent, it was a safe bet.

I started to lose all of my confidence. I started to lose trust in myself. After finding out that I wasnt getting an extension or FTE, I resolved to just finish things out and take care of myself. To stop fighting and to just survive, quietly. But it just kept getting worse.

They would talk about how they're going to start working on treating staff better, retaining contractors, actually answering questions. How much they were invested in diversity and change even though they hired two cis white dudes into two big leadership positions during this. One of whom claimed that he doesnt know what he's doing. No shit. I never want to hear "maybe they just hire the best person for the job" again.

I found out that some of my work was stolen, which destroyed me. It lined up with a project they were going to do and I had sent it in to someone in leadership months ago. The project was announced and this person who contributed "forgot" that we had a meeting where I gave them my ideas, and then a follow up document the day after. I knew nothing was going to be done about it. Someone else told me that the person said sorry that they forgot. That's it.

I was really losing my ability to do much of anything. I have depression and anxiety and ADHD, all of which I manage pretty well. But those parts of me were under the pressure of being ignored, disrespected, "forgotten", and not being able to say a word to the world.

Then, as social unrest continued global due to BLM, the D&D team comes out with their statement. It was like a slap in the face. How much they care about people of color, how much changing things (that I and others had been pushing for months, if not longer) was just going to happen now. It took weeks of protesting across the globe to get D&D to do what people they hired have been already telling them to fix. You cannot, CANNOT say Black lives matter when you cannot respect the Black people who you exploit at 1/3rd your pay, for progressive ideas you pick apart until it's comfortable, for your millions of profit year over year. People of color can make art and freelance, but are never hired. D&D takes what they want from marginalized people, give them scraps, and claim progress.

I spent my time in that building worrying about how much people hated me for working there. I spent a lot of time thinking about how much it hurt to work there. I had and still have supporters, and many. Thanks to you all for being my voice and speaking out when I could not. But I felt so isolated and alone. If not for some coworkers who checked in on me, who were going through the same things? I would've quit. Every angry statement about D&D felt personal because I couldn't fix it. Because I failed, whether it was my fault or not. I felt like I was being trashed by everyone because I could not disconnect what I set as a personal responsibility from the state of the game. That part IS my fault.

But I wound up as I am now because of all of this and much, much more. I am depressed. I am unable to write. I constantly question if anything I create is worth anything. I feel like I let everyone down, and no matter how much people tell me I didnt, that doesnt change. I feel guilty for not being what y'all needed me to be, what I wanted to be, and betrayed for how I was treated at that company. It's an exceptionally kind place on the D&D team. People are very nice to each other in a very genuine way that I truly enjoyed. However, that doesnt replace respect. That doesnt delete how I was treated. It doesnt change the fact that I honestly never want to play a trpg again and am definitely not working in that field anymore.

I know that I'm probably losing a ton of opportunities writing elsewhere because of what I've said here, as well as what I've sent in internally. It may mean that I will return to poverty, which makes me feel like a failure to my race, my family, and my partner who I want to provide the world. But under all these things, I have my integrity. I worked my ass off. I did my best for as long as I could. And I didnt let them treat me like that without telling the world what needs to be said.

Trust actions, not words. Not "look at how much we freelance so and so", because freelancing is exploitation of diversity with no support for the freelancer. Not "here we finally did what we KNOW we should've done a long time ago", because they only care about how optics turn to dollars. EVERYTHING involving D&D will continue to farm marginalized people for the looks and never put them in leadership. They wont be put on staff. They will be held at arms length. I hope they prove me wrong.

A lot of BIPOC and other marginalized people are trying to make their way by using D&D. Dont shame them for that. Think about how much, and when you wield your anger, that it is done righteously.

That said, I dont recommend to anyone, working for the D&D department of Wizards of the Coast."

https://www.twitlonger.com/show/n_1sra9pq

[gaygwenpool]

*slams fists on table* MYSTELEON

I knew you wouldnt disappoint! :D  tho you already know most of these lmaoo  lotsa credit to @herbofoo anyway, i dont remember which of these you came up with but Patchwork wouldnt be the same without your Good Good Content! (And of course thanks for all your patience as i cry about comics lmao)

I’ve lost all shame long since ive started shipping them so brace yourself for the self-indulgent cheese that is Chameleon/Mysterio in my Patchwork verse. (its reallly. really Melodramatic. i gave up all pretense.. also under the cut cuz its long..)

ask meme

Who cooks:

Mysterio! Although Chameleon is objectively The Superior Cook thanks to the long years of being a servant to picky russian nobility BUT exactly because of that, he really doesnt enjoy it, even less when cooking for others and not just himself. So it is usually Beck who prepares meals (that are not bad either, they are just simpler) but as often as they can, they eat out. That said, Cham is very well aware Quentin loves his cooking so sometimes, he makes them something. (Being sick isnt so bad when it means Chammy bringin you a big bowl of hot borscht :)

On the other hand, Cham has quite a sweet tooth which Q notices Fast and decides to learn how to bake. It took more effort and failed tries than it could have, mostly because he got cocky, how hard could this be and just. kept forgetting he put stuff in the oven.. But now he makes quite delicious cookies n cakes which make Dmitri almost tear up because tasty + Quentin baked something Specifically for him?? 

Who does the laundry and other chores:

Mysterio’s laundry is usually booby trapped so he has to clean it himself and he doesnt even let Cham near it. And he keeps forgetting gadgets in his civvies. Not to mention that again, for the same servant reason, Cham really doesnt enjoy house chores in general, so he usually just gets his own clothes cleaned somewhere else (especially since his fancy suits and even fancier gowns are the highest quality and delicate materials, he doesnt even Know how to clean them..) 

As for the rest of the chores, its pretty balanced, although Cham has more of an eye for things that needs to be cleaned up (and Beck already has cooking duties) so he does a tad more. 

How many children do they have + Any pets:

In my Patchwork universe there’s a whole Thing about Leon, the Chameleon of the Ultimate universe but I’ve tried to type up a short summary and failed, it’s a long story lmao ^^;; and anyway he isnt exactly their kid, he is just much younger than them and they ended up sorta mentoring him. 

However, they have Celavi, the escaped ex-spy beluga.(Yes, it started as a joke based on this post that accidentally grew more and more serious until @herbofoo and me were too attached to let it go) She counts pretty much as their adopted daughter that they both spoil to hell and back, I mean no surprise, she saved Cham’s life once and sometimes, she helps out with heists. (Mostly for the show, you should have SEEN the look on Spider’s face when a beluga splashed him. He is used to humanoid sharks, to Hydroman.. not like. real life beluga that LAUGHS at him) Beck’s voice: “Dont you dare to insult her, SHE IS PERFECT AND FLAWLESS and A GOODNESS INCARNATE!! -she is literally a deserted russian spy that was trained to gather everything that could be used to harm USA-yea, i have a soft spot for those ;)“

She was always surprisingly clever so she never really counted as a “pet” and at one point, she even bonds with a symbiote (together they are Vague, again long story ah ha). They dont talk but have quite some range of vocalisations so communication isnt a problem. 

Who’s more dominant: 

They both have pretty dominant strong personalities (ok chameleon’s a bit more complicated with that but like.) with big egos who dont like others questioning their superiority. (Of course not at the level of like Doc Ock etc, they are surprisingly flexible and good team players that can be willing to let someone else take the spotlight if they are Nice) But the whole point of their relationship is that neither of them is dominant over the other, they get enough of that literally everywhere else. It’s very reassuring to be so sure that they are on equal footing, cooperating, no hidden nooses around their neck. Especially in their line of work of course! 

(Also, for the other interpretation of this question: anythin remotely sexual happens Pretty Late in the story and both of them are somewhere on the ace spectrum so it doesnt happen that often but they are both verses tho Beck bottoms more)

Favorite nonsexual activity:

MOVIES!! Sprawled on the giant comfy couch, closer than technically needed, cuddling and watching old movies with great special effects and/or great actors! Listening to Beck excitedly rant through the most dramatic speech of the story as he explains how the next cliffhanger is done with hydraulics! Focusing so hard on the stars in his eyes and his excited tone and gestures and just the tone of his voice you forgot to listen to the words themselves! Watching Cham’s face flawlessly mimic the faces on the screen in a blink of an eye and secretly guessing which one will he pick next. Feeling his head slowly fall on your shoulder, eyes closed, his mask smooth but not tense, instead just.. peaceful. Slight ping of annoyance, after all, this is A Classic movie dammit, but it’s gone in a second because Mitya hasnt slept since thursday and you are just relieved he is finally getting his rest. Feeling his warmth under your hand on his shoulders and suddenly never ever wanting to get up again.. EHM. anyway

PLANING HEISTS TOGETHER!! and more or less successfully executing them but planning is actually even more fun aside from the Big Reveals and Entrances which are actually harder to coordinate than one would think! 

Lots of shobiz/job talk actually, they really enjoy what they do! Lots of people already mentioned that in their hc compilations but i agree, they love goin to see all kinds of movies and plays and performances as well as acting various scenes with one another!  

Their favorite place to be together:

NEW YORK CITY BABEYY. Sure they love to travel and see other countries (and cause mayhem there) but.. they love their mess of a city, it’s never the same without the webhead around as well as the bazillion of other heroes n villains bashin each other’s heads. 

Any traditions:

Oh so many pop culture references and inside jokes, oh my god. One time, they spent the entire heist (and its planning period) speaking strictly in famous movie lines and titles, Max and other sixers tried to join but didnt last too long :’D 

Beck also has a habit of taking pictures of people with Interesting faces or styles he sees and sends them to Cham. Also another fanon classic: together they have a running game, disguising themselves as moderately famous people and the other guessing who..

Their “song”:

‘This is me’ from the Greatest Showman, i just live for the two of them singin it in Cham’s car,off key but fully immersed and living it. 

What they do for each other on holidays:

Neither of them are religious but that doesnt stop Beck from going ALL OUT at any opportunity, Sin Six doesn’t do any heists around holidays because you Know he’d make them dress for the occasion or worse, write them themed lines…  They still meet for Christmas and Hanukkah and sometimes other holidays too because this is my AU and you can pry festivities-related shenanigans from my cold, cold hands. It’s always at Beck’s place tho because he can turn his hideout into the tackiest holiday-themed showcase but he aint roping them into it.  

On the other hand, Cham despises American commercialized holidays in general and Christmas time especially, since it’s not a big thing in Russia and  also once again, he has family issues for days. (Although relatively speaking, he is pretty over these, he is not gonna like mope around or anything) 

Anyway, what they do for each other is that they try to compromise, Dmitri doesnt sneer at stupid kitsch decorations every 5 minutes and Quentin ..chills a little. :’D To be fair, Beck makes everything fun and having Cham there makes Beck appreciate the details more instead of just goin into BETTER!BIGGER! frenzy.

Where did they go for their honeymoon:

After the fuckin Ages of pinning, when they finally end up together for realsies, they wanted somethin Big and Flashy! (Well Beck wanted and Cham kinda too but also with the option to merge with the crowd unnoticed and take some chill time) Anyway they went on a whole world wide tour! Starting with a luxury cruise, they took their time, lots of crime sprees to plan and execute, lots of local shows to see, lots of dumb heroes to fool, they’re gonna have it all! 

Where did they first meet:

Around the time when Cham and Hammerhead had their criminal empire running Fisk to the ground, Otto decided the Sin Six should team up with them for their ressources needed on one heist or something. They agreed but Cham insisted on actually going in the field, it’s been a while since he really stretched his face legs like this and the mafia life was starting to bore him. Doc made him team up with Mysterio much to the fishbowl’s dismay because why do they need another disguise artist?? He is the Master Of Illusions dammit, he can run circles around this guy, what the fuck Otto?? So at the start, he pouts and fumes under his helmet and in general he is his v unpleasant self but… He can’t help but notice that the new guy is a real professional, he even uses Traditional masks, he likes the same movies… And most importantly, he is actually interested in Mysti’s craft, asking questions and even LISTENING to his long winded answers… At one point he even wondered if that X thing was meant as a HOMMAGE to the Y movie, the Six never did that!! (Usually the rest of the sixers dont know the reference, heathens, and when they do, they mock him for it, that he’s copying ideas and mixin them ridiculously.  BUT THIS GUY GETS IT!!) So it doesn’t take long for them to hit it off, of course at this point without any real Trust behind it but it’s a start. 

(Though Beck does pay a visit to Otto like, buddy pal i know you’ve been planning on manipulating these crimelords to your end somehow and honestly, any other day i’d be down, i actually had a robot prepared for my own backstab but i was thinking they werent that bad and maybe we Could hold our end of the bargain this time and just. leave each other on good terms? Mabye? Obviously it’s purely out of respect for our teammate Kraven since him and Chameleon seem to have some history, nothing more, definitely nothing to do with how bright Cham’s eyes were when i was showing him the back of my stage… ) 

What do they fight over:

this whole post has been a mountain of cheese but im bringing more! Honestly, goin through my notes on Patchwork, their biggest arguments have always been about.. the other one not taking proper care of himself :’D Or them lashing out because they were scared and worried about the other and they cant stand being so vulnerable while the other pretends it’s not a big deal because they dont know how to handle genuine concern directed at them. 

Do they go on vacations, if so where:

GIVE!!! BECK!!!! HIS!!!! ISLAND!!!!!!They actually do have one, it’s where Celavi spends most of the time and they visit her often. But never for too long, neither of them can actually spend too long doing nothing.. 

[dxmagedrose]

GET TO KNOW THE BLOGGER!

Tagged by: my lover @hammurabicomplex​ I’m tagging: anyone and everyone who wants to pick this one up! share with the class if you feel like it! tag me in it!!

PRESENTING. RANDOM DEEP DIVE WITH INDIGO-MUN AT 2AM ;

FIRST NAME Good fucking question… It’s (sort-of) currently Dylann! I was Kieran before that, though; it’s still used as one of my first names and I’m not used to Dylann quite yet bc I’ve just started using it. 

Indigo is one of my middle names though, and I’ve used it as an online handle elsewhere forever so I use it here now!  [ Fun etymology facts: Dylan(n) is a mythology name generally meaning “born of the wave” (aspiring diver & a water witch at heart). Kieran means “little dark one” bc of my love for horror, && I chose Indigo bc as a kid to be it was neither boy (blue) or purple (girl) and was both and neither as well as my absolute favorite color as this vibrant ass mystical color. ]

STRANGE FACT ABOUT YOURSELF hmmmmm…. I’m a horror lover at heart, so as a child (I wanna say 12), I was walking through an antique store (I have a few cool finds, I considered putting my other one as the fact tbh) and I turned the corner and I saw these two dolls staring back at me at the foot of the stairs of this antique building. my blood froze, and i felt my stomach drop. i got actual, physical goosebumps stumbling across these two creepy dolls staring back at me in the corner, and i couldn’t leave the store without them. perhaps the little painted porcelain boy would be somewhat spooky by himself if it wasn’t for the terrifying lidded gaze of the porcelain girl with the hairline fractures and slightly open lips. i cant look at her. i dont really find dolls scary, I like to find the spookier ones ones, and she makes me paranoid as hell. i keep her face covered and her up in my closet except for when i bring her out to show her off proudly as the spookiest thing I have but……. i dont really collect dolls anymore.  even thinking about her brings a fearful tear to my eye.  i don’t like to think about her for very long, but that’s why I’m so fucking proud to own her. ( YES — I’m THAT white person in the horror film )

TOP THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU FIND ATTRACTIVE ON A PERSON hhhhh a beardy jawline, high cheekbones, crooked canine teeth >:3c

A FOOD YOU COULD EAT FOREVER AND NOT GET BORED OF b.l.t.’s with avocado. ahhhh. my mouth is watering just thinking about it, oh my god. just a bit of salt and pepper???

A FOOD YOU HATE barbecue anything, i hate the taste of bbq sauce, you keep your nasty black goo to yourselves at the grill. twice in my life i have presented with barbecue pizza and both times i cried literal tears. why would you do such a horrible thing to a person? what kind of a monster are you? how do you sleep at night?!

GUILTY PLEASURE the sims. constantly. always. i’ve sunk thousands of hours into my households. oh also uhhhhhh i run two 80s horror blogs, one being a shitpost blog with occasional art of mine and one gremlin fanfic ship blog for horrible, terrible self indulgent fanfics i’ll get the courage to finish writing & post so i can be cancelled on tumblr for at some point. NO, i won’t link them. as i pretend they’re even all that hard to find, within a day i was found on both by someone i admire here a lot :’) ilu bby thnk u eternally for supporting ur local horrifying dumbass wtf

WHAT DO YOU SLEEP IN the same clothes i’ve been wearing all day usually, my sweats & long sleeve raglans or my hoodies. i like being cozy day & and out. and ugh. efoort. just throw me in a blanket in a cool room and im out.

SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS OR FLINGS serious relationships with some openness or poly. i wish i could fling! just not exactly easy for demisexual autistics lmao.

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN THE PAST AND CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOUR LIFE, WOULD YOU AND WHAT WOULD IT BE I think I would be adopted by my grandma as a kid. It would save me some trauma but mostly I think it would get my autism diagnosed way earlier and save me angsting all these years of wondering why & thinking it’s my fault I’m struggling so much and so loud and affectionate and different in a world that i didnt fit in the same way. 

ARE YOU AN AFFECTIONATE PERSON when i get drunk i text people how much they mean to me in my life. does that answer your question? ahhh. i’m sometimes a cuddle monster with friends, i message people with long texts about how much they mean to me, but I sometimes really don’t like to be touched at all. 

A MOVIE YOU COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN FLYPAPER.  F L Y P A P E R.  FLYPAPER.  FLY, and, I can’t stress this enough, fucking PAPER. ( Though also Whole Nine Yards and both Re-Animator & Bride ). I have watched Flypaper already like, 5 times this week and I’m still not done, and the other movies have been on repeat for days in this household within the last year. In the past it has also been Donnie Darko & the new Nightmare on Elm Street.  roast me.

FAVORITE BOOK White Fang by Jack London. Have I actually ever finished it? No. Do I still own a copy I’ve had since childhood thru multiple dogs eating it, taking it to and from school, and highlighting and circling all the best parts of chapter one ever since I was a kid and it was too hard of a book for me to read? You bet your ass. If I ever need inspiration I just reread chapter 1. Although one of my other favorites was Broken Monsters by Lauren Beukes. But White Fang is like, a weirdly personal text. We stan London’s writing in this household.

YOU HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO KEEP ANY ANIMAL AS A PET, WHAT DO YOU CHOOSE FENNEC FOX!! I used to daydream about having my own named Shiloh when I was a lil kid. they’re adorable little things and i am obsessed. i mean, gimme any fox and im happy, marble foxes, red foxes… but I was obsessed with fennec foxes. Also tbh ferrets. I want a ferret.

TOP FIVE FICTIONAL SHIPS [IF YOU ARE AN RP BLOG, YOU CAN USE YOUR OWN SHIPS AS WELL] Rosa & @ninetyscnds‘s Luke, Rosa & @iimpulsivity is already screaming my name, Rosa & Constantine, Jesse & Andrea from Breaking Bad, and the joker and harley of 80s sci-fi Dan & Herbert from Re-Ani.  I am but a simple opossum. 

PIE OR CAKE Pie! I’ll take both pumpkin & melty apple over cake. also, cheesecake is more pie than cake soooo, pie wins.

FAVORITE SCENT my dogs / my blanket. :’)  It’s the most grounding smell in the world. 

CELEBRITY CRUSH oliver jackson-cohen, i’m fucking GAY and im angry about it. there i was, minding my own business, and i saw that asshole in a certain SHIRTLESS GIF and it AWOKE SOMETHING IN ME. dont talk to me about it, holy shit im obsessed with beardy men now god fuckkdafjaask i hate him why did he make me this gay i was perfectly fine being into girls but NOOOOOO him and his dumb hairy chest and sweet rugged face and I——  I also am obsessed with the archaeologist & television personality Josh Gates and may or may not be considering making a fan blog for him bc idk if my anthropology docuseries host is Dad or Daddy but i love him lots

IF YOU COULD TRAVEL ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD YOU GO I would go on a dive with anthropologists and archaeologists doing fieldwork research in the ancient cenotes of the Yucatán Peninsula. My actual dream job, catch me crying & fantasizing about being underwater documenting Mayan skulls given as offerings. Fuckkkk, I love anthropology so much!!  take me anywhere in the world to immerse myself into culture & archaeology.

INTROVERT OR EXTROVERT Introvert. I have a real life friend I see roughly once a month, and that’s it. Plenty of online relationships, I’m chatty, message me all day every day. but i dont do people well.

DO YOU SCARE EASILY I used to! Really bad. I don’t as much anymore. I do get paranoia a lot still. Having therapists telling you that the FBI could be outside your house watching you through your windows will kind of nervous. ( no google results for: yes hello fbi i am a writer please dont put me on watchlists i just have research i need to do for this idea im working on, would you like to try again? ) I have nightmares nightly but not they never make me afraid, they just make me feel like crap. jumpscares and loud noises and seeing people reaching into their pockets dont set off as many brain alarms anymore tho!! progress haha.

IPHONE OR ANDROID I like my android better bc of capabilities but meh

DO YOU PLAY ANY VIDEO GAMES My mom, her husband & I play COD for family game night, and Silent Hill is my life’s blood. I’ve sunken hours into Sims & Skyrim, and Norman Jayden from Heavy Rain is my #1 fictional character in existence, why do i love the druggie babies

DREAM JOB Oh… You’re asking me to pick? I’d love to be an anthropologist doing work out in the field. Underwater archaeology is peak, but I’m also heavily considering being a body recovery diver or police diver. I’d love to see myself in uniform someday, if possible. Just the thought makes me teary eyed & proud.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH A MILLION DOLLARS fund my person creative & educational endeavors. get myself a spooky ass abandoned house to make my own home to create in, and travel to the world’s best dive sites. just live a mild life of education, creation & exploration. that’s the dream TM.

FICTIONAL CHARACTER YOU HATE dr. hill is a gross and whiny lil bitch this post brought to u by the miskatonic crew, how is everyone here an even worse bad guy than herbert west precious dan excluded talk shit get hit tho john winchester from spn and both walter white & todd from breaking bad are all in my crew of hated characters. i jusT…   the reani novel is difficult to read because i have to deal with this old sack of shit.

FANDOM THAT YOU WERE ONCE A PART OF BUT AREN’T ANY LONGER Supernatural :-)

… AND THIS CONCLUDES A DEEP DIVE WITH INDIGO!! //

[lilytcyip]

December 31st, 2019

1.3 tera v w/ rjin & ggao

1.4 cactus & la foret w/ jng

1.8 talked it out with jng ; tried to understand that if i were happy, what more could you ask for

1.11 cyns bday dinner

1.11 craft beer w/ aleung & lwong

1.13 arisu & standing egg with efeng & aleung ; drove on highway for the first time

1.18 west dineout w/ annie pkp

1.19 glass w/ fifi

2.10 first snow of the year

2.3 cny lunch at home with the fam - tong yuen & poon choi

2.4 mooseknuckles - grateful

2.5 lunar new year

2.16 hangiout with mamayip & sis: beta 5, fixing the parka, meetfresh, miku sushi dindin

2.17 mom leaving for 2 months, wandering earth with the yips

2.19 happy hour cactus w/ fifi

2.20 kokoro lunch & shopping w/ rjin

2.20 so hyang w/ veda & nwu

2.21 black been noodles & tonkatsu lunch & usagi matcha sweets w/ ewong

2.22 green leaf sushi & grounds for coffee w/ vtan

2.25 sushi mura w/ acao ; larry berg planes and kisses for the first time

3.13 mental health talk w/ nwu & tchiu + jamjar

3.15 virtuous pie & nanas green tea w/ rjin

3.16 wine night w/ claw, aleung & fsyal

3.17 tabom & stanely park w/ jerpilla

3.23 pool & rc shopping with jyang

4.3 studying with jyang on campus & langara bye

4.9 studying with jyang at my house

4.18 ramen danbo & official date 

4.20 so hyang & off the grid waffles w/ ayip

4.26 sci ning off w/ aleung, claw, fsyal, lwong & mcheung

4.27 clay llama terra pot class

4.29 so hyang budae jjigae & yifang w/ ewong

4.30 rc shopping & sushi lover with the yips 

5.1 maenam, kits beach & rain or shiine ice cream w/ rjin

5.2 our first little tiff & being called chubby by mlo

5.3 shopping w/ vchan, aleung & fsyal

5.7-5.11 LA trip

5.8 LACMA & melrose & century city field

5.9 warner bros tour

5.10 malibu

5.28-6.1 hokkaido, japan

5.29 a 2-floor hotel with own onsen

5.31 otaru food adventures

6.1 doraemon painting & royce airport

6.2 macau: got scammed by taxi & lost luggage

6.7-6.15 inner mongolia & beijing

6.18 first co op offer 

6.21 fire port party at fifis house

6.29 pottery painting w lwong, aleung, vchan, fsyal

7.5 brunch w/ rjin at jethro’s fine grub, baker & table

7.6 nwu’s birthday dindin at coast, hangout with aleung & nwu at nightingale

7.14 leavenworth cherries

7.17 brunch w/ rjin at OEB

7.19 nightmarket w/ jyang, mlaw, rjin

7.21 beach day w/ aleung, fsyal & lwong; hy’s with fam

7.24 chau veggies w/ acao

7.27 shiok & icy bar w/ ewong

8.3 first day of work at doctors office

8.4 escape room w/ vchan, fsyal & jyang; bowling & anh and chi

8.17 dindin w/ fsyal, aleung & tlim; double date walks at olympic village with ancas

8.18 - 8.19 kelowna

8.18 polar grove & penticton lazy river, mission hill

8.19 kayaking, quail’s gate

8.24 lit night at fifis house with the girls and boys

8.25 aleung’s bday harrison trip

8.27 work shopping & nuba w/ fsyal

8.28 sleepover w/ rjin

8.29 brunch w/ aleung, moii cafe chill with fsyal too

9.3 first day of co op work

9.7 grave of the fireflies & wildtale cuddles

9.14 eric chou meet & greet

9.19 amandarachlee neg comment and posted my encouragement on her story

10.5 maiko parfait & shopping w/ jyang, earls with the amigos

10.18 gmen & oncecake: melody, rillakuma, card & collage

10.24 dark table w/ rjin

11.7 moii after work 

12.15 baking custard souffle pancakes w/ ewong

12.18 office christmas party & bbt w/ slim

12.19 glow

12.21 fifi’s christmas party

12.22 christmas market w/ rjin: churros & chimney cake

12.23 psyc team secret santa & mahjong

12.25 christmas dindin at market by jean-georges

12.26 birthday dindin at zeferelli

12.27 ring & birthday dinner at brix and mortar w/ jyang

12.28 skated alone, worked out, baked & dindin at botanist

looking back at it now, i definitely went out a lot more compared to previous years LOL i had some struggles in january, and at multiple points in my life i blamed myself for being ungrateful, for seeking more when i already had so much in life compared to other people. my friends were there for me and i wouldnt have been able to live through it without them. then again, during reading break in february, i got myself into the same hot mess and i was sad about it for a week and i blamed myself for getting so attached so quickly. because of these experiences, my expectations were v low and i didnt really expect anything when i talked to jyang, what they say really is true, you get it the moment you stop seeking for it. it comes and find you (: the 3 most important that happened this year is burbur, co op job & me getting more comfortable around doggs; this is a big deal !! i actually like cuddling dogs and i feel less scared of them as long as i have some time to get used to them!! im proud of myself for making progress with my phobia! after i started my co op job, bc i didnt have a lot to do, i felt like i wasnt actively contributing to my workplace and that i was very useless. i still feel the same way now, but i think i am slowly getting used to it. thankfully, my coworkers are VERY nice and i enjoy working around them. while i did not get a different position for january, im still grateful that i got an extended placement. nonetheless, meeting with the different PIs and sumeet pointed me in the right direction of looking for nserc / volunteering opportunities when i do go back to school. AND ofc burbur! im grateful that we were able to be there for each other for the past 8 months, both the ups and downs and i am so so thankful that we’re understanding and patient with each other, as we help each other learn along the way and help each other become a better version of ourselves. this companionship is better than i have asked for and i always remind myself to focus on the important things rather than the minor inconveniences. this year, in terms of fitness goals, ive been doing really well before asia. but ever since i came back, it all went downhill and i gained back all the weight that i lost this year year LOL so in 2020, one of my biggest goal is to eat healthy again, and workout more consistently. getting a job in sept kinda interfered with my progress too, bc i was so tired after work, even when i wasnt doing anything and i stressed eat bc i felt terrible. a lot of diff factors made me feel super stressed, and the fact that i wasnt eating clean / exercising reguarly made me feel worse about the whole situation ): so in 2020, maintaining a healthy lifestyle will be one of my top priorities and gifting myself a healthy body is one of greatest things i can do for myself. this also contributed to the lack of journalling near the end of the year, it felt like bc i wasnt doing the things i was “supposed to do”, i just felt so bad whenever i couldnt tick off that particular habit whenever i fill in my trackers. but tonight, i watched this video and it talked about habits should be for awareness, not for self-hate or self-loathing. this is something that i need to keep in mind. ever since april really, the issue of leaving my house and meeting up with my friends have always stressed me in fear of dealing with passive aggressiveness with my mom lool everytime i get inviited to plans, i just get anxiety about having to tell her about it LOL and even when im out, having a msg/ call for her freaks me out in fear that she will get mad at me for being home late and etc and fifi really woke me up with her words, i should just care less LOL i need to stop caring so much about what she thinks, bc at the end of the day, this IS my life and if i never make any changes, i will never be able to grow and be independent. i think this pree much sums up all my events and emotions in 2019, the last year of the 2010s. in the next decade, a lot of things will happen as i will be in my 20s - 30s, where new opportunities will arise, and graduate uni, do my masters, find a job, maybe even marry and move out LOL the 2020s will definitely be an impt decade, but just for next year i want to:

1. understand that i am old enough to make choices, and in general, care less about what she thinks

2. at the same time, i want to appreciate and be grateful for what my mom, dad and annie have done for me; a lot of the times, i feel like i take them for granted just bc i know they will always be there for me and this is not how you should treat your biggest supporters

3. trust that everything will workout in the end, while you may not be able to envision what you career / life would be like when youre 30, you can definitely take small steps and move towards your goal

4. be mindful of what i eat and exercise regularly (4x hiit & cardio a week) ; treats & sweets in moderation; use those habit trackers for awareness, not for self-loathing / self-hate

5. create art regularly, read more and at least do 5 duolingos every week! 

every year, time just seems to go by faster and faster and i feel scared at times. as i type this, theres only 8 minutes left of this decade LOL so in 2020, continue to live in the moment, be present, cherish those that are around you, and have faith that everything will come together, one piece at a time. at the same time, always rmb that you can make small changes to be a better version of yourself, whenever & however you want and this is the 1 thing that other people can’t stop you from doing! 

[sunsiac]

Can I request #4 with either Jeonghan from SVT or Mark from Got7?

Hi, of course! I’m sorry this took so long, but I hope you like this :)

#4: “letting you go was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.”

pairing: lawyer!jeonghan x prosecutor!reader

group: SEVENTEEN

word count: 2.1k

summary: everyone lives their life in black and white until they meet their soulmate. you, with possibly the shittiest luck on earth, have always had to be the one to sit back and listen to people ramble about the colours of the world. all you have is a small tint of colour in the bottom corner of your left eye, from a past court session, you think. but, you’ve given up on trying to figure out how that works at this point. and, you were planning on keeping it that way, at least until one particular trial gave you a reason not to.

–

“I never knew how bright blue was!”

You’d heard this sentence more times than you thought you could count, closely paired with things like ‘green is so nice to look at’ or ’pink is really cute, sort of frilly’ But, you’d always have to be the one to politely explain that you didn’t understand, because hadn’t found your soulmate; at least, not yet.

You were 24 years old when you’d finally decided that you’d had enough. You’d searched far and wide for your soulmate, but still had to listen to an eighteen year old tell you about how beautiful the colours of the world were with a smile on your face? You definitely enjoyed hearing the experiences at first, but after a while, it became similar to your own personal hell.

So, you decided to dedicate your life to a job that handled the misfortunes that came with soulmates. The greying vision, the cheating, everything that made you feel like maybe you weren’t exactly alone in your struggle after all.

He, however, was the opposite.

He liked the idea of soulmates, he liked what came with it, but he wasn’t in any rush to find them. ‘if they’re really my soulmate, they’ll find me first.’ he’d always thought. Besides, he figured that actually graduating law school first was much more important at that time, anyway.

So, after a while, he just learned to disregard the possibility of finding his soulmate, the monochromatic vision he possessed no longer bothering him.

At least, until they caught eyes years later, the pair acting as training officers standing behind their mentors in the courtroom. They were both just approaching 26 when they caught the slight glimpse of each other. But, unknowingly, they were both left with only fragments of colour afterwards. Hers in the bottom corner of her left eye, and his in the bottom corner of his right.

They both had failed to come up with an excuse to disregard the small colour of puddle that had appeared in their vision, and gave their all in trying to figure out just who in the world had put it there. But, when neither of them could figure it out, they had to give up.

They had both been in their respective fields now for at least a couple years, the both of them going on 29 already. But, this time, it was the both of them worrying about their soulmate.

'what in the world are they doing?’ was a consistent thought for both of you. You were dreading the day when you were truly out maxed by everyone around you, and with each passing day, you knew that reality was getting closer. And now, he was the same. He dreamed of his soulmate, his second sense of vision flooding with colour as he slept. But your face was always blocked out, leaving him to find out who you were for himself. It made him restless, ad even more eager to find out your identity.

But he was ready to take on the challenge. 

The both of you, even while being busy in your respective fields, barely spent time at home. Any time that you weren’t cooped up doing work was time to go out and enjoy yourselves with the potential of finding your soulmate. But you were too logical in that sense; fate doesn’t work like that.

But only until that day did you realise this.

It started out as any other case would; arriving ten minutes before starting point, your feet dragging slightly from the inevitable late night you’d spent overviewing your portion of the crime, and having a polite conversation with whoever else you happened to be seated with. Those ten minutes came and went as normal, until the sound of the gavel rang out, signifying that the trial was about to start.

So, with even looking up, you grabbed your notes and fixed your robe, ready to begin. You squinted across the room, trying to loosely size up your opponent. Having forgotten your glasses on the bathroom sink and neglected to put in your contacts before rushing out the door that morning, you couldn’t see much but the outline of a man with light blonde hair. But, you didn’t think much of your lapse in eyesight, seeing as you could argue all the same.

This trial was formed based on the accusations that a man had begun to abuse his soulmate, but she had no way to prove it. Your intel told you that she was a naturally muscular woman, being a kick boxer, so even if she did appear to have any bruises or physical damage of any kind, it was the type that could easily be played off. But, you weren’t there to pick sides; you never were, after all. 

But, seeing her sitting down from across the room, even being able to make out the faint purple and red marks on her face and arms, you didnt really know what to think. You turned your head to the crowd after a few seconds, curious. If her soulmate really had been abusing her, would they be in this crowd?

You did a once over of the crowd, but thanks to your lack of sight, couldn’t find much out of the ordinary. You would rather not be involved in a situation like that anyway. But as you looked back at your papers, you reminded yourself that even if they were somewhere in the crowd, it didn’t matter for you. After all, you were trying to prove the woman’s claims as false.

“Please rise,”

You finally looked up, your thoughts automatically clearing at the phrase that had been drilled into your head. Standing straight, you clasped your hands together and listened to the judge give a preliminary statement before telling each side to begin stating their cases.

The lawyer you were facing stood up first, seizing the opportunity to give his side of the story first.

“My client and her soulmate met 3 years ago,” He began, making his way around his portion of desk. “Since then, she has done 6 consecutive years of indoor kick boxing, and has even gone on to play in national competitions,”

You saw him turn to you, but he was still fuzzy, so you didn’t try to push yourself at all.

He looked down at the papers in his arms before turning to the jury. “A woman who has won first place in many of these competitions would be hard to put down by anyone that wasn’t her soulmate,”

A few people in the crowd let out uncomfortable sighs. You was having a hard time keeping one in yourself, as you saw his point.

“If you love someone, or if you have this kind of physical- no, mental connection with them, it’s hard to deny even things you aren’t comfortable doing,” The lawyer said, turning back to the judge.

“1 month ago she was admitted into the hospital with 3 broken ribs and assorted bruising on her neck. While meanwhile, she hadn’t taken part in any competitions in that past month nor had she attended any sort of practice or meeting regarding the sport,” He said, referring to the dates that were probably written on the papers he carried, “I am proposing that this man gets 2 years jail time, under part II of the soulmate act of 2034,”

The court room was silent, before the judge nodded.

“Thank you. Next, please,” He said, waving in your general direction. As you stood up, the lawyer went to sit back down. You caught a better view of his hair as you switched spots, though, finally able to clearly see a part of him for a moment.

he’s probably handsome.

“Her last official meet took place a month and a half ago, and while she had no injuries at that point, it’s a proven fact that rib injuries may take up to 2 months to fully appear.” You suggested, watching the lawyer’s eyebrow tick up as you took another few steps forward. “As for the bruises on her face – miss, is it okay if I ask you a question?”

You eyes moved to her, her face flushing slightly as she nodded.

“Do you happen to have any sort of condition, such as asthma, or eczema that you take medication for?”

She bit her lip, but nodded again.

“Do you use any type of skin treatment? Such as rollers, exfoliating brushes, things like that?”

Another nod.

You turned to the jury. “Medicines used to for particular things like these sometimes lead to blood thinning, which means, if she uses anything heavy on her face such as a roller, it would cause the skin to sink in slightly, and therefore bruise easily.”

The crowd shifted a bit, obviously uneasy. But before you could say anything else, the lawyer rang in.

“Objection, your honour, What means are backing up these facts? And, blood thinning only happens with certain medications, not necessarily the ones my client was using.”

The judge turned to you, so you quickly walked over, getting the message as you pulled a paper from the small stack you was holding and slipped it onto his desk. He put on his glasses and straightened out the paper, everyone in the room consecutively holding their breath as he scanned over it.

It was a few moments of silence before he nodded. “Overruled. Means and clarification of medication are stated,”

I fought back a sigh in relief. Thankfully, this was looking to be an easy case so far. I turned back around to take a look at the lawyer for a moment, and to my delight, he seemed speechless. His eyes were slightly wider now, a newfound panic underlying the deep brown colour.

wait.

You blinked again, and sure enough, his eyes were still brown. Then, upon your realization, other things began to change, too. The glasses that were on the tip of his nose began to fill in with a light silver colour, whilst everything around him filled in next. The deeper brown of the desks, the green of the carpet beneath your feet, it was all so sudden, but you felt like you didn’t ever want it to stop.

That small spot in the corner of your eye had expanded to the whole of your vision.

You met his eyes after a moment, and when you saw the familiar look in eyes, you wanted to jump in joy. Finally, you thought. You had finally found your soulmate, and at work of all places.

But, you figured that you had both spaced out, so you pulled your eyes off of him and begrudgingly turned back to the judge.

The rest of the trial had gone smoothly for you, the facts and points you’d given driving out until the end and giving you yet another win. Apparently, the woman had been having an affair and hadn’t reported her injuries from a kickboxing meet until they got so bad that she could blame her soulmate, whom she wanted to leave, for it.

To him normally, losing a case would be a huge deal. but this time, he considered it a win. He would always take meeting his soulmate over winning a case.

Everything had played out well, you thought, but you couldn’t exactly think of that for long. The only thing on your mind was the world around you; and the man that had put it all there. 

“Y/N?” You turned around in the lobby, and was met with the same man you’d been against just recently. You finally smiled, enjoying the sight of the one you could finally call your soulmate.

“Jeonghan,” You let out a name that you’d become familiarized with just minutes ago, and took happiness in watching the smile that spread across his face.

He undoubtedly looked as happy as you were.

“Gosh,” You mumbled, unable to help the tears that came to your eyes as you walked over to him, wrapping your arms around him in a tight hug. “Do you realised how long I’ve been waiting for you?”

He just let out a soft chuckle, arms wrapping around you and pulling you into him. “The same amount of time I’ve spent waiting for you. It was really hard having just a small bit of colour, you know. Knowing that I’d briefly met my soulmate; it was torture. Letting you go was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.”

You pulled back from the hug to look at his face, unable to wipe the grin off your own. 

“Then promise me you won’t do it again?”

“You can count on it,”

—

(lowkey pulled that entire court case out of my ass, but I think it worked out well enough??)

I hoped you liked it :)

[easylion]

2019

I put indulging myself and my hobbies and my career on the back burner the last two years. and for good reasons, some of which those here may be familiar with, but its been hard to get out of that funk, especially with what i went through. i settled at a job quickly after graduation (for reasons i thought i would have to) that makes it easy to at least pay the bills and live on my own, but not much else. no travel, no fun trips, and sticking to a budget. as much as I've seen growth in some areas of my life; my friendships with new faces, my relationship, and professionally just by having the experience of not being in school and seeing how normal day-to-day businesses operate, i haven’t given much time to my personal growth. and in a lot of ways i fee like i lost a little bit of myself in the last two years. i did lose a bit of myself. i will never be that person two years ago again. and i didn’t mourn that loss. All of it spun out of control so fast that I had no time to comprehend it. and then i was consumed by the Adult-hole. 

i’m frustrated by falling into this Adult-hole. living to pay bills, suddenly being inundated by these responsibilities i kind of forgot i would have. i’m frustrated with work, and having a job where i like the people, i’m happy, it’s no chore - but not feeling fulfilled. How can i be happy but unhappy???? How did I get here? 

I have a boyfriend - and like, that’s not even the correct term for this man. i am the axis on which his world spins. i have known him since i was eight and he is The One for me. and a part of my heart i didn’t know i had grew and filled in the space of seconds for him. in this way, i am so very fulfilled. but not content.

 I realize i miss school desperately. i miss the academia, the interactions with students and professors and feeling The Whole World was right there ready for me to take for myself.  Don’t get me wrong, i love my relationship and my friends, but we don’t share the same passions and interests and slowly but surely i’ve found myself losing interest midway through conversations. i have a hard time staying focused and have found myself forcing conversation. and i had to look even harder at myself to realize that burden is on me, too. because i haven’t honored myself, haven’t made an effort to find things outside of this circle and life that are my own. That isn't anyone elses fault.  i got duped by the Adult-hole. i got comfortable with being uncomfortable and now i’m suffocating. it’s made me quiet and sullen and not as enthusiastic about my life. I don’t like talking about myself because I am not happy with what i’ve accomplished so far.  I dont mean to sound like im miserable. i have a happy life, happy friends, happy coworkers. but i realized i didnt deal with some of the things that happened to me as well as i thought. and compounded on top of not sharing my time with those in my academic field or even places like here, where other interests in my life are shared, i barely recognize the person i am these days. 

It’s also so so hard  at this age because - seriously - comparison is the THIEF of joy and it makes the Adult-hole more darker and all consuming. WHY am i wasting all this time being frustrated by people living their lives. I was living the life for years with responsibilities, wondering why people were reacting to my trips and education the same way i’m reacting to people enjoying their lives now. I used to think, you make it work if its what you want in your heart. its easy. its easy to have friends and travel and see people because i wasnt consumed by what others were doing. i was doing what i wanted to do! HOW did i let the Adult-hole dupe me and make me so cynical about people living their best lives?! Seriously, who is Social Media and Instagram to dictate i’m not fulfilled? why do i feel like i need to be anywhere other than where i am and the opportunities i have now? I know the things i NEED to be happy, not what everything and everyone else is pretending i need to be happy. I finally got it. I got the Wake-Up Call. 

i sort of got to this realization a couple months ago. before, all of this was affecting my mood, my relationship, my work ethic. but i finally had this wake up call that i can change all of it. i may not be in control how much The Man and the Adult-hole squeeze out of me, but I can get serious again about the things I always wanted to do and the person I want to be. I miss the person I was when i had cultivated all of these beautiful friendships here, the person i was when travelling, and the person who didn't blame The Adult-hole for not honoring and honing those friendships and experiences and above all myself. I miss the person who thought about other people as much as herself. but who have i been consumed with? its sad, but no one. i have been going through the motions because i was so BURNT OUT by myself, i didnt even want to honor myself. and how can i honor other people if i dont even like who i see most days? 

I finally threw myself into plans. Contingency plans. School again? Move? across the country? where can i work in Jordan, in Oman, in London? Fuck it, move to Hawaii. 

i swear, i was making crazy drastic plans by the minute. I realize, obviously, that isn’t realistic. but I could start changing things little by little. reach out to people i missed when they crossed my mind. Take the time to ask people how they were doing. Look at programs and school, try to change things little by little. Yoga on Saturdays. God, I’m terrible, but it makes me feel better. Really. Get back to the gym. SAY IT WITH ME  GET BACK TO THE GYM. YOU FELT BETTER. YOU SLEPT BETTER. YOU STARTED YOUR DAY EARLIER AND EVERYTHING THEY SAY ABOUT THE GYM IS TRUE. STOP spending STUPID money. you have LOANS TO PAY!!!  JORDAN, when was the last time you wrote? remember how much you loved writing, how you wanted to publish short stories? when you were writing you were more emphatic, more human, more in touch with your day.  oh, and drink some FUCKING WATER you heathen. vodka and coffee aren’t going to hydrate you!!! Clean up and light a candle. watch a new show. read a book once a month. find a church or a class. and for the love of god, put your fucking phone away when you're around people you care about. I MEAN IT. 

I decided to find me in 2019. I have started my process to the job i want again. I’m talking and networking. People are prepping me for the whole process. it’ll take about a year. But my transcipts are requested and i’m writing my responses to the application questions and I’m keeping at it (which may lead to me having to delete this blog, who knows, but for now it stays). im looking at options where schools takes me to that career, too and looking into academic programs.I’m bouncing ideas off those who are in this field and they are as enthusiastic for me as i am. and finally, finally, i feel good enough, i feel like i can do this. and its because i’m making these smaller goals in the hopes it makes me feel good rather than lousy if i can’t accomplish everything. its working. i think the big change comes from all of these smaller changes. I want to feel like me again.  

[seovienrose]

soccer club captain mingyu x yearbook editor reader au! pt 2

continue from pt 1

mingyu is very close to seungcheol, the soccer club former captain and school alumni as he came to monitor the progress of soccer club under mingyu’s leadership

the 10 players, lining up and standing across each others trying to pass the ball to each other as a warm up

so the team was divided to into 6:6 with seungcheol as the goalkeeper for the opposite team 

the game started with a loud whistle and seokmin got the ball, trying to score into the opposite goal, he passed the ball to the team’s striker, mingyu and mingyu striked a goal easily

jihoon, then tackled a ball from seokmin and almost landed a goal but was blocked by chan, the team’s goalkeeper

after 2 hours of games, the practice ended and mingyu’s team won with 8:6

seungcheol knew he entrusted the soccer club to a reliable person 

“good game today mingyu and others, i have lots of fun monitoring and playing with you guys today! good luck with upcoming regional tournament! now lets go to mcdonalds boys its my treat!”

since its been half of the year, the yearbook committees had gotten so busy to catch up with activities within the months (sports day, academic decathlon, language week etc)

since that bread and milk day, mingyu and you didn’t come across each other except that time you met him at the school gate and he blushed suddenly

what drugs he’s consuming

anyways, you were discussing with yearbook journalists and photographers about having them manage their time properly according to upcoming events due to midterm examinations coming soon

a lot of teachers complained that some yearbook committees had to miss classes frequently because of activities held by the school (its inevitable you know)

you went to your work desk after briefing but the photographers and journalists still sat around the meeting table 

you were eavesdropping to minghao talking to other photographers about regional soccer tournament apparently being held soon and who’s getting the tickets

“mingyu got me a front seat ticket and he said he is inviting someone else too”

“he is probably inviting the girl in the theatre club, no?”

“dunno...”

WHATS THE DEETS WITH THE THEATRE CLUB GIRL

“well im not suprised if they still keep in contact with each other”

as much as you pretended to be unbothered you cant help yourself to be engaged in their conversation about mingyu

until the assistant editor of yours, soonyoung or people call him mr hochi came breaking the chit chatter to end with his arms crossed

hochi is much feared by the committees compared to the chief editor yourself since he is a year older and stricter with the yearbook’s precision

he was the chief editor for 3 years consecutively before you and decided to become an assistant because a lot of past committees quitted because of his leadership lol

“i didn’t appoint you guys to gossip but to do your job as yearbook committees, i don’t want to hear any complaints again from teacher about any of you slacking or missing out in classes”

with that everyone parted ways and continue doing their things at their personal desks

that was just an appreciation advertisement for our mr hochi lets get back to your love story

when you went to your locker to pick up english literature books, you saw a note stuck on the locker door

‘hey can we meet at equipments stores around 4 am right after our evening class, don’t be late i have to attend my soccer practice at 4:15 pm, sincerely mingyu’

okay why he wants to meet you at 4 in the morning but the practice at 4:15 pm???

you just laughed and proceeded to your literature class

after your literature class, you went straight to equipments stores and saw mingyu were fiddling around with something in his hands

“why do you want to meet me at 4 am?”

mingyu was half shOOKETH when he heard your voice and he had this “what???” face

“you wrote 4 am in the note” and you laughed again

mingyu was rubbing his neck and kinda laughed too, “i wrote that in hurry because i was in rush to my mathematics class”

you nodded and he smiled in awe after looking at you

“ah actually i want to give you this..i don’t know if you’re free but i’d be honoured if you can come to my tournament”

(my readers be like pretends to be surprise.gif lmao)

HE GAVE YOU THE VIP SEAT TO THE SOCCER TOURNAMENT YEAYYYY

“oh....” you just accepted it shyly

suddenly he rummaged his adidas convertible and took out an egg tart and strawberry milk again this time

you feel so overwhelmed you want to burst when he gave them to you

“y/n do come to my tournament this saturday alright? i would be so happy if the chief editor herself could come and give her personal feedback!! i gtg now, bye!!”

“thank you mingyu..”

mingyu walked away and went to field after making you feeling so flushed

the following morning, when you walk to the hall you met minghao and he greeted you a good morning

“y/n i already talk to the graphic and layout designer to reformat the yearbook design since we’re adding new segment”

“what segment?”

“either advertisements or candids section, what do you think is better?”

“for 2 pages? nobody is gonna be entertained with ads” and someone was running in the busy hall, pushing your shoulder making your file in your arms fell

minghao collected your file and tilted his head to the side

“y/n..you’re going to mingyu’s tournament?”

little did you remember that the soccer tournament ticket was in your clear file and minghao had to see that

“y-yes...”

“we’re going together then!!!” minghao jumped a little and stopped his track, “wait a minute...so you’re the girl he is currently having a crush on?”

“what crush? what about the theatre club girl?”

minghao was standing with his hand hanging to his waist, “so you overheard our conversation?”

you nodded

“we guessed him and the theatre club girl were a thing but turned out she was pestering mingyu one-sided”

he walked to the stairs to go to his literature class and you continued your way to your physics class after bidding goodbyes

in the literature class, minghao interrogating mingyu session

“dude, you’re flirting with y/n now?”

mingyu ignored the latter but he was actually flustered to answer

“do you expect a full page coverage of you and soccer club in the yearbook by doing this?”

mg: “what the hell minghao?”

minghao: “okay im just kidding”

mg: “she’s too adorable”

minghao: “adorable? didnt she get mad at you for sleeping on the couch in a prohibited room?”

mingyu was in his dreamy state because he was reminded of your smile

he was like that for 1 minute and minghao snapped his fingers

“okay fine i like her genuinely i want to keep her in pocket stop asking me” 

saturday arrived aka the awaited soccer tournament day

your father lifted you off at the town’s stadium and you saw minghao with his camera bag and camera tripod

“hi do you need help mr photographer?”

minghao: “sure thing, do you have the ticket? lets go in”

you helped carried the adapters and batteries bag and got inside the soccer hall 

mingyu who happened to be searching for vending machine found you and minghao

HE INSTANTLY TURNED INTO THE BIGGEST PUPPY EVER

he came running to you and grinned as wide as he can

“you came y/n!!!” 

he looked at your shoulder and noticed the adapter bag belonged to minghao and rolled his eyes as he took the bag off your shoulder

“yOU MADE HER HOLD YOUR THINGS???!!!”

minghao was like -_______- “shut up mingyu” 

“i offered to help because those seemed heavy” 

after the chaos mingyu held minghao’s both camera and adapters bags then lead both of you to your vip seats

minghao set up his tripod and started adjusting his camera

you were inspecting the soccer hall

can you guess what mingyu was doing?

DING DONG DAENG 

he was looking at you tenderly like he hadn’t seen you for 10 million years, he was really infatuated with you

you said “don’t you have like rehearsal or stuff to do other than looking at me like a creep?”

mingyu blushed again and excused himself to the waiting room to brief to his soccer club teammates

“i have never seen him so invested in a girl like that before, he likes you like a lot y/n”

“really minghao, you think so?”

anyways the tournament began, for the first halves of the game your school team seemed sloppy and demotivated because “apparently they seemed nervous” the commentator said

during the interval time, you can see and hear mingyu shouted really loudly to give encouragements toward his teams

the coach also were guiding them and giving careful advices before their second halves started 

mingyu on the field were looking at you and minghao, smiling half-heartedly

you took this opportunity to make a big heart with your arms and mingyu instantly laughed, continued running to his position

seokmin, jihoon and mingyu scored 4 goals during the second halves with chan managing to block 2 goals and 1 free kick from opposite team

your school soccer club took the trophy home with last minute goal from jihoon with 9:7 and all of the players were roaring happily doing their circle hugs

after the final match ended, you waited by the side of field 

mingyu saw you in the crowds and he ran towards you

“congratulations mingyu, i enjoyed it!!”

“well im hoping you could come for another tournaments”

“i would love to......date you and also go to your other tournaments.”

mingyu was SHOOKETH AGAin its like he was getting heart attack

“what?????”

“you didn’t hear it wrong, boyfriend”

mg: “so it’s day one today?”

you nodded and beamed like the brightest sun ever

mingyu gently kissed your cheek and you both half-hugged since mingyu was sweating lol

little did you know, minghao captured the picture of mingyu kissing your cheek perfectly