fatherquesadilla
Trying Too Hard
42K posts
28, bi, white, he/him, complete garbage man
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fatherquesadilla · 2 years ago
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every cylindrical object should have flaccid and erect states simply because it would be funny
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fatherquesadilla · 2 years ago
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fatherquesadilla · 2 years ago
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Some gay men really put 0 hours of work into unlearning their hatred of women’s bodies and anatomy it’s embarrassing. Like i’m super fucking sorry that you’ve got a pussy ick thing going on but i got over it after like one conversation with a friend and you’re 29 years old publicizing your pussy ick on twitter dot com dot gov posting about how super fucking hard it is that trans men are also in gay bars and that’s Not Valid because ewwww they have vacheena which is the opposite of gay eeewwwwwww! And you have to let everybody know that you’re gay not because you like men but because you hate pussy so much it makes you transphobic. Like how can you even continue to serve cunt in such a state
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fatherquesadilla · 2 years ago
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fatherquesadilla · 2 years ago
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I wanna see a ufo
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fatherquesadilla · 2 years ago
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is there something you want to tell us aonuma
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fatherquesadilla · 2 years ago
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fatherquesadilla · 2 years ago
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fatherquesadilla · 2 years ago
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Wait is Zelda coming out this month
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fatherquesadilla · 2 years ago
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Why do we as a society keep coming back to sex jokes?
Penis blast hilarious
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fatherquesadilla · 2 years ago
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SOMEONE'S ACTUALLY IN A FURSUIT AT MET
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fatherquesadilla · 2 years ago
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fatherquesadilla · 2 years ago
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new heresy that makes the bible way funnier:
god genuinely had no idea that people would be able to disobey him, when he made them. angels couldn’t! everything in the universe was just an extension or a reflection of god himself, operating in perfect mechanical order. then he put a spark of his own creative consciousness in an animal and it turned out it could disobey him.
like, that’s why he told adam and eve not to access a perfectly accessible tree. nothing else in the universe up until that point would have done something he told them not to.
that’s why he asks cain a perfectly ridiculous question, given that he would have watched the murder happen right in front of him: where is your brother? what did you do to him? he didn’t know cain could lie. even when adam and eve disobeyed him, surprising absolutely everyone involved, they hadn’t figured out lying yet. cain figured out lying.
that’s why god decides to destroy humans and start over only a few centuries later. he has no idea what to do. not only are people disobeying and lying to him, they’ve started completely ignoring him, too. he can control the wind, the water, the plants, the animals, the angels, the heavens, the earth. but he cut a part of himself loose and gave it to this totally unique new critter and now he can’t get it back. he can’t make anyone do anything, and now they know it. he had to carve humanity back down to the one family that actually, for whatever reason, still listened to him, and he had to ride them pretty fucking hard from that point onward to make sure they didn’t just….. stop. because at any point basically any human, ever, even the ones who liked him, could just randomly decide to fuck off and do their own thing.
then like, according to christians, god thought maybe he could get a handle on whatever the fuck was going on with how bad humans were being by making another human who had even more god in him than all the other humans, and that didn’t work either. and also even jesus himself didn’t know what humans were going to do next, which was kill him young. like, god had to break the news to him based on an educated guess, and it was a big surprise to him! he was really upset! there’s a whole scene!
like, i think this is hands down the funniest fucking thing to conclude about god ever. he didn’t know it was going to turn out like this when he started and he didn’t know what to do when it did. he’s been basically scrambling to stay on top of the situation for six thousand years and he’s totally beefed it repeatedly.
god the omnipotent lord of creation knows everything, except what you’re going to do next. god the supreme ruler of the universe can do anything, except stop you. you have a little piece of god inside you and it lets you defy the most fundamental machinery of existence basically whenever you like.
if that’s not funny, i don’t know what is.
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fatherquesadilla · 2 years ago
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fatherquesadilla · 2 years ago
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this weekend at my job this trio of kids were coming up to me throughout the day begging me to look at a rusty spoon they had found in the creek by the dining hall because it was rusty and had some detailing and they were convinced it's an antique and i should put it in our nature museum. and every time i was either busy or they didnt have the spoon so i never saw it. but like. it's a spoon someone threw into the creek from the dining hall. finally at dinner im eating my pasta and having a bit of a break when the little trio comes up to me with the spoon and it sure is a tarnished rusty spoon. and im like "yeah ill look it over and ill let you know later!!" already thinking of ways to nicely tell them this is regular silverware from 2003. but then i look at the back and google the branding on the back and. those kids legit found a silver spoon from 1922. guess i gotta put it in the museum
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fatherquesadilla · 2 years ago
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Now you see, I’ve watched enough cartoons to know that this square of the carpet is on a separate animation cell from the background & therefore something funky will happen if I step on it. You won’t catch me making a rookie mistake like that no sir!
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fatherquesadilla · 2 years ago
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spotted in a pub in continental Europe
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