#this is what I've gotten out of it so far

[lonesome-greenery]

I was four at the time and my heel had been sliced open by the edge of a bed so I had a waterproof bandaid on it. This will be important later.

I'd never gone to the ocean or beach for that matter before. That kind of thing just doesn't happen when you live so far inland and have a big family. So this was the first time I'd ever seen something so big and deep. The sand was wet and I was wearing my favorite sun dress. There were some older kids nearby -- I think they were probably ten to twelve years old -- who were building a sand castle with a moat. They had said something about finding a hermit crab and it pinching one of them. I was very careful wading through the water then because I didn't know what a crab pinch felt like, but I imagined it would be quite painful.

My mom was chatting with a circle of adults nearby in some of the deeper water, and I went out to meet her. I was treading water as best I could and the ocean was up to my neck. I say something to her and I'm sent back to the shore because it's too deep for me there and how did I get out so far? Why wasn't my dad watching me?

I get back to the shallows, and I feel something tug on my heel. My immediate thought is a hermit crab having gotten a hold on my foot. It doesn't hurt, but I'm terrified nonetheless and I go running up and onto the shore where the sun has baked the sand to the point that I can't handle the heat.

I'm back in the ocean again with the water around my ankles. I check my heel, and there's an immediate sense of relief. It's just a band aid. A band aid whose adhesive just doesn't work period. It's not a hermit crab, and I'm safe.

Now here's where things get interesting.

I'm standing in the shallows. The wind is picking up and I've just had the adrenaline wear off from being convinced that a hermit crab is attacking my foot. I'm four years old and relatively short.

The wind has picked up.

That means that the waves have started to get bigger. One starts picking up speed as it gets closer to the shore.

I don't know what exactly was going through my mind at that time, but I decide that the best way to handle that is not to go back to the shore (it's too hot on the sand, I'd rather stay in the water), but instead to drop onto my stomach and grab onto whatever stick or ocean greenery is there under the water and let the wave wash over me. I hadn't even taken a breath, but the wave passes over me and I can't get up. I'm sucked under and further out. The water is in my nose and stinging my eyes. I can't breathe. Everything is a murky yellow blue green. I'm no longer holding onto the sand and sticks. Those have slipped through my fingers.

I could very well die in that moment.

I don't realize it at the time. I'm four years old, and this is my first time interacting with a huge body of water.

I'm stuck under the wave for about twenty seconds before someone has grabbed me by the ankle and yanked me out of the ocean. He's one of my parents' friends and had noticed that I'd gone missing. It's the same leg as the heel with the bandaid that he's grabbed. I'm coughing up water and he's setting me upright. My mom and dad are running to check on me. I don't even know quite what's happened.

The guy who pulled me out of the water has sunglasses and assures them that I'm okay. I get told I almost drowned. That I could have died. When you're four, you don't have much of a concept of death. I didn't understand death much less drowning, but I understood the fear in my parents' voices.

I didn't drown, but I could have.

I'm still alive today.

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[unforth]

I keep seeing posts comparing this to 2004 or other past election losses and how this feels the same or similar to those past times.

As another Old who voted in 2004 (and I missed voting in 2000 by a month and was furious about it) I really can't even put into words how vehemently I disagree.

In 2008, I remember very earnestly sitting down with some friends and saying that if somehow McCain beat Obama, I'd have to join the fucking revolution, because I couldn't believe that this country would elect a Republican AGAIN after the previous 8 years of bullshit. I look back now and think how incredibly naive I was, but I also look back now and think, damn, why aren't I 25 NOW? I can't join the revolution now, I'm 41 and I own a house and have two young children and one old parent depending on me.

Because honestly, truly, as someone who has been studying American history since I was 7, as a Civil War buff with expertise on the years before the Civil War, as someone who has at least some memories of every election since 1988... guys, this isn't the same as 2004. I was furious then. Swift Boat bullshit I swear to fucking dog. And I was and still am fairly convinced that the 2000 election was deliberately stolen. But also I still had every reason then to believe in the rule of law.

In 2004, I still believed term limits would be respected.

In 2004, I still believed a person who wasn't elected would demure gracefully to the winner.

In 2004, I still trusted the courts.

In 2004, I still believed that we'd made progress on bigotry.

I could go on, and to be clear, my point isn't "I thought these institutions were ~good~" in literally any objective sense. Y'all are cynical but my generation was raised by, surrounded by, Vietnam vets and trust me, there was no way to be a kid, seeing what the 70s did to this country, and not come out as cynical and furious as the best of um. (My grandfather was a World War 2 vet, as were his close friends. My father and both his brothers are Vietnam vets, tho my dad didn't go overseas.) But I did believe that even corrupt institutions, even broken racist systems, even fucking Republicans, would follow basic norms of democracy. They said they believed in the constitution and I believed them. I believed that, like Nixon, truly getting caught doing something insane would at least force a mea culpa and turn public opinion. I believed...

Well, I guess it doesn't matter.

Because I no longer believe any of that.

I have watched the guard rails disappear over my lifetime. I have watched the party who once spent 2 years pursuing a guy over a BJ in the oval office elect a convicted rapist. I have watched and at times I've participated and I've voted and I've organized and I've protested and I've read the news more days than not and I've lived and I've grown and I've learned.

I have been an adult, legally, for almost 24 years now.

Guys... there are no norms remaining on the far right. The guard rails are gone. The Fascists control the White House, the senate, the Supreme Court, and things aren't looking promising for the House.

The bus has no brakes anymore. They think they have a mandate - and I can't blame them, as horrifying as this mandate is, because if things had gone the other way and Harris had gotten these results I'd also think it was a mandate.

Please sit with what this means: Trump and the Republican party said, "hand us the reins and we'll make everyone you hate hurt," and more than half the people who bothered to vote said "sure buddy, here goes." We don't have a usurper this time. This is the country that the majority of Americans said they wanted. Whether they come to regret that or not, they saw open Fascism and went "oh yes, count me in." And it wasn't because of the electoral college this time. It was because this country is so bigoted and misogynistic that they'd rather have this than a woman of color in the office.

I'm sick of "well she didn't run a good campaign." (Lie.) I'm sick of, "well we didn't get a primary." (Who cares?) I'm *extremely* sick of "well, Palestine." (Yes! Democrats actions have made the suffering there so much worse! It fucking sucks! You know what's about to suck so much worse?)

15 million people who showed up for Joe Biden couldn't be fussed to place a vote for Kamala Harris. Whatever their reason for not voting, we all knew the outcome if she lost. And seeing open fascism didn't fire them up enough to make the effort, and that's fucking pathetic. The consequences of the worst happening mattered so little to them that they couldn't be fucking bothered to make the minimum effort to stop it, and now millions of people will suffer as a result.

Because here we are: the huge swathe of the country who wanted a strongman now have one.

Look, I don't know what happens next. But I do know, and remember keenly: after 2016, Trump did, or at least tried to do, most of the things he said he'd do. When he was stopped, it was often because of career government employees: judges, bureaucrats, etc. And this time, he's said he's going to purge those people. I don't know if he'll succeed, but I certainly believe he'll try.

This is not 2004 again.

This is 2024. The Republicans have ripped the mask to shreds, shredded apart the book of political norms, and empowered hate, and they've been handed a governmental mandate for stamped "have at with our blessing!" in exchange.

And now they'll use that mandate to make everyone they hate suffer: people of color, queer people, trans people, immigrants, non-Christians.

Don't assume the worst can't happen. I am a Jew, and I have a photo album full of black and white photos of dead people that constantly reminds me: the worst has happened and it can happen again.

Do not despair. Despair is enervating. Be furious. As we should be. These douche bags are repulsive. Be prepared to fight. Be prepared to flee. Be prepared to defend. Don't assume you simply can't do something. There's always something to do, and even the smallest act of defiance can help. There's never any knowing until after which acts of resistance will end up galvanizing the good and just out of their apathy. But that apathy is the enemy.

Because none of this is normal. None of this is "just like when..." Please stop saying it is.

And before anyone screams "privilege" at me, yes, I am in many ways. I'm white. I have access to some generational money even tho my own family lives paycheck to paycheck - we won't be rich but have enough of a support network to be comfortable. I live in a blue area of a blue state. But I'm also a woman (legally speaking, at least) married to another woman - since before Oberkfell, and yes I remember exactly what steps we had planned any time we wanted to leave our state. My wife has physical disabilities. We have two children. Both are biracial (half black). One is trans. We are caring for an elderly parent. I am Jewish and as my kids' birth parent, so are they. I own a publishing company that publishes the exact kinds of queer and kinky lit these people intend to ban. We tick so many boxes of what these people hate.

I know ya'll are scared. Trust me, I'm terrified. But fear is paralyzing. And that won't help. Whatever happens, don't lie down and take this shit.

When Gore lost I was one month shy of my 18th birthday and already in college. I have been fighting my entire adult life, and I'm exhausted. I'm much less able to fight now, much more tied down with responsibilities. But the fight isn't over. I'm checking our passports. I'm packing a go bag. I've convinced one vulnerable friend to move here and I have another who wants to and we're figuring out how to make that happen. I'm protecting who I can, starting with putting on my mask first. I don't know what will happen but if in the end all I can do is uproot my entire life to protect my children then I am preparing to do so. I can at least save them if no one else.

None of this is normal.

And I'm not sure, after Trump's in office, that anything will ever be normal again in the US. At least not the old normal. And there are ways that's a good thing, so many ways that the old normal sucked for so many people, and I'm optimistic that there's a bright future ahead, but man it looks far away right now. I don't want to go back to the old normal, and I want to be part of establishing a kinder, more just, more equal new normal, but we're a long way from there.

Whatever happens, we must endure. We must survive. We must support each other. We must find our allies and be prepared to compromise with them. Don't try to save everyone. You'll fail. Help even one person and you can change the world. Everyone things they can't do everything and so do nothing. That's insane. Do a single thing and it will be better than nothing. One phone call. One letter. One act of defiance. Very few people get the opportunity to grand gestures that matter, and the rest of us will die waiting for that moment. But the secret is that what makes those moments - the time when one person is in the right place at the right time for their action to matter - is built on millions of small moments by millions of people doing what little they can to make things slightly better. Think of every iconic photograph of a Sole Resistor you know of and think about every single tiny thing that had to happen for that moment to occur. Most of us will never me that one person, but that one person is a myth anyway. Countless tiny unseen moments create those myths. Doing literally anything is better than doing nothing.

And tooth and nail, quietly and loudly, in our homes and our towns and cities, during protests or when they come for our neighbors, we must fight.

[therandompagesblog]

SKZ Mate Chapter 20

Trigger Warnings: None

"How are you feeling?" Minho asked as he brushed a loose strand from her face. "I'm worried that is all," Y/N admitted as she cuddled into Minho's chest, wanting to fall asleep again. Y/N had a bit of a stressful night and struggled with being alone late at night. She didn't want to be alone with her thoughts so she found herself knocking on the beta's door who sat up with her and listened to her thoughts. It brought them closer than they were before. Minho even apologised for his awkward behaviour with her, but she brushed it off as there was too much tension going around the house and it was starting to nerve her. "Give Chan some time. He doesn't mean to push you away, it's a lot for him and he isn't someone who likes to express his emotions." Minho explained as he kissed her forehead, trying to soothe her worries even though he was concerned himself. He was worried about Chan. They had gotten over and dealt with the emotions of his uncle before, but now that it had all come to light again, Minho wasn't sure how to make it right. "How about me and you spend the day together?" Minho suggested, "we can cook together, and watch some films. I do have to make a shopping list." "What about the plan with Hongjoong? Minho I'm worried, I've been here six weeks." Y/N stated. "Shh. Me and Jeongin are on it. We have been working on a plan since you have arrived. We have been doing some digging around Hongjoong and your pack to try and prove Hongjoong kidnapped you out of spite." Minho explained. "I don't understand." "The werewolf council far north doesn't particularly like Hongjoong either and is more in favour of cooperating with us, but we need a strong amount of proof to appeal to them. If not then it's a war. Chan doesn't know me and Jeongin have been going out to find stuff." Minho stated as he got up to grab his clothes ready to have a shower, leaving Y/N to her thoughts. Y/N hadn't expected Jeongin and Minho to look into options as soon as she arrived. She wondered what they had found out and if she could help them in the future or the next time they went out.

While Minho was showering, Y/N rummaged through his clothes and put on his hoodie along with his jogging bottoms before heading into the kitchen to make a start. She gathered some ingredients and laid them out. "If you're going to poison them I would take Seungmin out, he is a little shit," Minho stated as he affectionately wrapped his arms around her waist, placing his nose into her hair, breathing in her scent. "I can cook Min," Y/N whispered, feeling slightly shy at his actions. He had never willingly embraced her before it was normally the other way around. She didn't want to ruin it by mentioning it, instead, she allowed him to hold her, watching her chop up somethings. "How is Seungmin a little shit?" Y/N asked, causing the older wolf to scoff. "When is he not? Don't be fooled by him. Seungmin has a sharp tongue and can be very sly." Minho warned playfully as he squeezed her tightly, before letting her go when the door opened to reveal a naked Jisung. Jisung jumped and covered himself with a dead bunny when he saw his little wolf was up and helping the beta. "Uh, me and Innie got some rabbits and deer meat for you," Jisung said nervously as he shuffled towards the counter to drop the bunnies off before scurrying up the stairs. Y/N watched him in amusement as she eyed his naked self, he was incredibly beautiful and he had a cute little ass. "You'll burn it," Minho whispered as he touched Y/N's hand with a knowing look.

The two of them continued to cook while occasionally nudging one another playfully. Once they finished Y/N sent Jisung to wake the others up so they could start eating. The wolves seemed much more eager to eat when they heard their omega helped to cook. Jisung was the first wolf to shove a mouthful of food in, which caused Changbin to smack him around the head. Even Hyunjin appreciated her food despite his unusually quiet behaviour. He was quiet normally but there was always a remark that followed through. Hyunjin could see her concerns so he gave a quick smile and a wave of calm energy. What concerned her was Chan wasn't present at breakfast. "He's gone to work early," Seungmin stated as he noticed her look for him. "What are everyone's plans today?" Y/N asked. "I'm going to the gym with Jisung, Jeongin and Hyunjin today. I would offer but nuna said no gym for you." Changbin gave Y/N a smirk knowing he would eventually get her in the gym at least once. He only wanted her to go so he could be extra close and fulfill his little gym instructor fantasies. "Jeongin and Hyunjin. Yah. I don't need to be bullied today." Jisung's voice was stressed as he thought about the pressure of the two alphas. "If you worked out more you would be fine Hyung!" Jeongin teased causing the older beta to shake his head. "The audacity of this alpha. He's not a little kid anymore." Jisung shook his head at Jeongin's attitude. "I'm still your alpha." Jeongin teased as he stole a piece of Jisung's meat. Y/N watched the two playfully tease each other. It felt normal as if everything was fine. She wanted this forever with them. "Felix, what will you do today?" Y/N asked as she looked at the blonde wolf whose eyes couldn't reach hers. He felt he did not deserve to look at her after what he had done. "Uh. I'm going to go for a run this morning." Felix answered awkwardly. "I'm gonna stay with you and Minho hyung." Seungmin interrupted as he gave Minho a playful look, causing the elder to glare. He did not want his date ruined by the younger beta. He was in trouble when he wanted to be. "Can't you go somewhere else?" Minho asked, a glare forming on his face as he watched the younger wolf playfully kiss the omega's neck and give the beta a sly look. "Why? Is there no room to love your favourite beta too?" Seungmin slurred. "Heathen!" Minho flared flashing his amber eyes at the wolf. "It's okay Min. Seungmin can clean the kitchen today." Y/N demanded as she flashed the wolf a look as she passed him the towel. Seungmin looked at the towel as if it was a foreign object. "Uh. What is this? I don't clean." Seungmin argued. "Uh. You will. Hyunjin can alpha order you." Y/N sassed, causing the wolves to either choke or grin. "No. No. Let me try." Jeongin said excitedly, "Seungmin go and clean up. Did it work?" "No I am not. I'm not a housewife." Seungmin argued. "Seungmin do as Y/N says all day." Hyunjin commanded his eyes glowing their usual dark shade of red causing Seungmin to huff into the kitchen. "You've got to put meaning into it and force," Hyunjin explained to the younger alpha who was scratching his head awkwardly. "We can practice on Jisung." "Uh, huh. No." Jisung laughed nervously at the thought of being the guinea pig today. Y/N gave him a sympathetic smile before getting up to hand a grumpy wolf the dirty plates.

Minho had to admit it was funny to watch the wolf doing chores at least once in his life, but the only concerning thing was the wolf was putting some of them in the wrong places. He had even seen Seungmin toss the bowl into the wrong cupboard. Y/N pushed Minho into the living room so they could watch a film together. "Don't be mean, Minho." Y/N chided as she wrapped her arms around the beta's waist. "What? He looks like an angry puppy." Minho laughed even louder when he heard Seungmin's growls come from the kitchen. Y/N shook her head and dragged the wolf into the living room so they could watch a film together. It worked out successfully until the young beta interrupted them every fifteen minutes to question where something went. Minho knew he was doing it on purpose because every time Minho snuggled closer Seungmin popped up. Every time Minho went to kiss her, the obnoxious wolf would present himself with a confused innocent look about not knowing where it goes. Minho was incredibly frustrated. He wanted to spend time with his omega but it was becoming impossible. All Minho wanted was to show his love for the female wolf. As much as Y/N found it amusing she could feel the frustration radiating off of the beta so as soon as Seungmin left the room to place the random object back to its rightful place, the female wolf threw herself at the beta, smashing their lips together. Minho didn't expect it but allowed her to assault his lips as he quickly tried to match her pace. His hand reached to her back as he slid his leg over her waist drawing her closer. His tongue finally entered the cavern of her mouth. Minho didn't want to be too invasive but he also wanted to show his love for her. "Wow! Did Minho Hyung have his first kiss? Who would have thought." Seungmin taunted causing the wolves to jump and a snarl erupting from the beta's throat. Minho stood there with a shit-eating grin as he held a vase. "Didn't you know? Minho has never kissed anyone before." Seungmin snickered as he watched Minho's ears start to turn red in embarrassment. "I mean you stole his first kiss a few weeks ago, but Minho is a virgin at everything. You know-" "Outside. Now. Off you go." Y/N ordered as she waved the annoying wolf outside, before shutting the door on him. Seungmin rolled his eyes and walked back through the door when she stopped him. "I wasn't joking, you can stay outside all day," Y/N stated. "Don't be so mean little puppy, it doesn't suit you." Seungmin chided. "No. Then don't be a little shit. You're staying outside." Y/N ordered knowing he couldn't do anything about it since Hyunjin ordered him to follow her instructions today.

Y/N headed back to the living room to see an embarrassed Minho flitting around the kitchen as he looked for things to add to his shopping list. Y/N felt bad for him. Not because of him being a virgin but the fact that Seungmin blurted it out was horrible. It was kind of attractive to Y/N that Minho and Jisung were virgins but she also didn't want it to set an expectation because she wasn't a virgin. "Minho," Y/N called out as she looked at his shopping list and added some things to it. "Minho. Look at me." Y/N called out, making the wolf slowly turn around. His face held no expression and his eyes didn't reach hers. "It doesn't matter. None of it does." Y/N promised. The beta nodded his head and turned back around causing Y/N to pull at him. "Don't hide." "I need to go shopping, little wolf," Minho stated before grabbing her face to kiss her forehead. Y/N stared at the spot he once was and sighed. Why do they all go funny when there are problems? Why don't they talk to me?

Taglist for the iconic readers:

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[ylangelegy]

lvr ♾️ minghao x reader.

“take me out, and take me home. you're my, my, my lover.” # day seven of (the)8 days of minghao.

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ headcanons of minghao as your boyfriend.

❥ falling in love. minghao's feelings remind you of a flower blooming. it's a slow, gradual thing. he's not immune to physical attraction, but love for him is something much deeper. he knows better than to take things solely on the surface level. love would only be possible for him with time, with both the sunshine and the rain. when it comes, he's not surprised. he will know that his feelings for you have been blossoming, have been growing, and he is never one to deny himself of pure and simple truths.

❥ confessing. minghao has never been a man of overtly grand gestures. some might see this as a con, but there's also appeal in the way he makes sure things are always clear and uncomplicated. his confession may come in the form of an afternoon in a café, over the pastries he knows you like best— or an evening under the stars, while you two are seated side by side on a park bench. he tells you as it is. i like you. no i think, no maybe. "you don't have to respond or even reciprocate," he will tell you, and he means it. "i just wanted to let you know."

❥ pet names. a part of minghao withers at the like of 'babe' and 'baby'. he's more comfortable with 'darling', if any, because there's a dozen ways he can say it. when he's trying to coax you out of bed. "darling, your five minutes are up." when he's exasperated and you're squabbling. "that's not what i said, darling." when he's struck by the way you look. "look at you, darling; you're the prettiest thing i've seen." (on occasion, minghao will use 'petal' or 'angel'. all soft, reverent names.)

❥ dating (1). dates with minghao are like you'd imagine. he's big on museums, especially the contemporary/modern ones. he enjoys walking around with you aimlessly, reading the descriptions out loud to you, and asking what you think about certain pieces. he's also a fan of nature; you can expect visits to botanical gardens, treks through sun-soaked trails.

❥ dating (2). there's also a part of minghao that revels in shopping dates. it's his not-so guilty pleasure, having the chance to visit strip malls or boutiques with you. he has a keen eye for articles of clothing that suit you the best. it's a little harder for you to help dress him, so you're likely to be on the receiving end of his slight side-eye whenever you pick out something rather questionable. he'll indulge you all the same, but he draws pretty clear lines on what matches his style. "we are not getting that," he half-begs as you insist on what he considers the world's most atrocious jacket. "i love you, but please!"

❥ apology language. fights with minghao may be few and far between, but they still happen. he can be sarcastic and sharp-tongued, after all; honest, but not sentimental. when apologizing to you, he's the type to accept responsibility and make restitution. "i was wrong," he'll start. "what can i do to make things right?" he's able to take ownership of when he screwed up, and he believes in implementing change in making amends. he expects the same energy from you, though, because minghao is not about to be in a relationship where there's no growth.

❥ the little things, a.k.a minghao is... gossip excitedly shared the moment he gets home ("you said i shouldn't tell anyone, but that doesn't count my partner"). outings with his parents, where he glows with pride at the thought of it being a 'double date'. voice messages sent whenever he's away; groggy recordings of "just got to my hotel room. i'll text once i've gotten some sleep. good night… or is it morning there?… ugh, whatever."

❥ love language to receive. despite being a man who received compliments on the daily, minghao will be the first to admit that affirmation hits different when it comes from you. he may not actively seek your validation, but you can see it in a dozen little ways. how he turns to you first when he's trying on a new outfit. how he looks for you in the crowd whenever he's performing. there's a certain tension that eases from his shoulders when you acknowledge him. he will try not to look too pleased about it; you'll find it in the twinkle in his eye, the shine of his smile.

❥ love language to give. minghao is a man who lives and breathes acts of service. you need to do your groceries? he's more than happy to tag along. you can't pick up your laundry? he'll get it for you. minghao makes sure that you always have gas in your tank, that he has pocket versions of your vanity kit in every bag of his. a line from hafiz's it happens all the time in heaven best describes minghao's credo when it comes to loving you: "my dear, how can i be more loving to you? / how can i be more kind?"

[juicydangler]

I definitely understand the impulse to lash out and start fights at a time like this (I can think of a few people whose necks I want to absolutely metaphorically wring right now) but it doesn't do anything. It doesn't fix anything, it doesn't help anyone, it doesn't even make you feel better. You'll get a little righteous rush and feel like you did something for five minutes and then you feel like shit again and go looking for another fight, trust me I've been there. It just wastes your time and energy and leaves you exhausted and friendless and easier to crush.

this is not so much directed to anon but generally to anyone who's feeling the kinda way anon is feeling but hasn't spiraled as far yet: Please try to go and lift something or make something or clean something or help someone, instead of lashing out. I put some dumbbells next to my desk this morning, it doesn't have to be dumbbells it can be gallon jugs of water, whatever, and every time I feel like picking a fight I pick them up instead, so that instead of wasting my time & energy and burning my bridges I'm building up literal physical strength to literally physically fight. I could've gotten my yarn project bag out but I'm very superstitious about yarn and vibes, so I picked lifting, it doesn't matter, just pick something and redirect the impulse.

You don't have to be by nature a very patient or forgiving person for this. I'm not. I've already done Several sets today because of what a patient and forgiving person I'm not. But what I'm not doing is whipping myself into a stupid useless tantrum on tumblr.

Literally fuck you for not even mentioning the existence of DIY HRT for trans mascs on that post

The the very first link on HRTcafe takes you to a wiki that has information on DIY HRT for transmascs, I just linked to the page that doesn't start with an immediate age verification popup. If clicking through a second link was obscuring that information too much for you, I don't know what to tell you.

For the record: I have, like, five variations of this in my inbox and I don't know if they're all from you and I'm not blocking any of them because we're all having a rough day, but, as a personal note from me to you, you're being an asshole and you could put this energy to more productive use.

[sporeclan]

it's been more than a year of sporeclan! how are you feeling about it? what's your favourite piece (and not so favourite) so far? or favourite to draw?

It sure has! It's pretty wild that it's been a year since I started drawing these silly kitties! It paradoxically feels like it's been forever and no time at all simultaneously haha

I'm pretty proud of myself that I've managed to draw 27 moons of content over the course of the year! I usually have trouble sticking with long term projects, but all the positive reactions have really lit my fire to keep going. Thank you all for every like, reblog, tag, reply, ask and especially the wonderful fanart, I could not have gotten this far without you <3

Now, if I had to pick a favourite piece from this year, it definitely goes to Oakfox's death;

I REALLY love how this one turned out! The fire turned out so nice, and I really like the poses and expressions. I think if there's one thing I would change, I would make the text more visible. It's a little too light.

Least favourite piece is so hard to pick... So I'll just pick a process instead lol! I really don't like trying to map out the panels in moons where nothing happens. It's suchhh a fight to get the ratio's right when nothing even happened!!!

Anyways, I'm off to bed now!! Thank you all so much <3

[rafesbabyg1rl]

The Watcher ~ Part One

Summary: Rafe Cameron x Reader, Stalker!Rafe x Pogue!Reader Reader's parents work late on Friday nights, which she spends alone. Except Reader hasn't been alone in a long time, not that she knows of at least. Rafe has watched you for years, he's very good at it. He has no plans of formally meeting you, as he's satisfied with the current arrangement. He likes it better when Reader doesn't know he's watching. But his idea of staying an anonymous stalker is ruined when reader catches him in her bedroom one Friday night. Rafe has to figure out how to fix his mistake before he loses the only thing that makes his life worth living.

Warnings: Rafe stalks reader...that's literally the entire plot. He's pretty pervy in this, I guess. Masturbation (Rafe) in front of unconscious reader, strong/vulgar language, somnophilia (I guess?), death threat(?). If I missed anything from this part that I should include in the warnings, please let me know!

Word Count: 5.9k

Author Note: My sneak peek got a few likes, so thank you if you liked it, y'all are the reason I'm finally posting this part! I'm not sure how I feel about this fic so far, I definitely have a habit of overly critiquing my own work and never being fully satisfied with it, but I'm trying to get over that. I don't have plans for this fic, it's just going in whatever direction I can think of as I write, so if you have any suggestions, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASEEE let me know, I'll write pretty much anything. This is my first work published on tumblr and the first thing I've written in years, so I hope it's at least readable, and maybe even a little enjoyable. If just one person enjoys this, then my mission is accomplished. Thank you, I hope you enjoy! And do NOT be shy to share feedback or give suggestions/requests. Again, thank you!

For those of you that DID read the sneak peek, a large portion of this part was included in the sneak peek, but I highly suggest reading it over in it's entirety. This draft has undergone several additional rounds of editing and I believe it is better than the version I published as a sneak peek.

One thing about humans is that we always want what we can’t have, especially when everyone else wants that same thing. It’s just something all humans do; but what happens when you already have more than you need and everything you could ever want? Well, almost everything. Rafe Cameron has more money than he could spend in his own lifetime, he can practically buy anything he wants. Except one thing, you.

At first he just thought you were pretty, but the more he saw you out in public the more and more he liked you. The way you’d talk or laugh when you were out with your friends…god, he could tell just how sweet you are. Too delicate for him to touch, like the wings of a butterfly or the petals of a flower. This is when he went from wanting you to needing you. 

See, another thing about humans is that we admire things. And, admiration can easily turn into obsession. Everyone has been obsessed with something or someone at some point in life, it’s normal. Obsessions will come and go, like a cycle. You get obsessed with something, you get over it, and you let it go until a new obsession marks the beginning of the new cycle. But things are a bit different for Rafe, he has never gotten over anything like, ever. Not once has Rafe Cameron ever let anything in his life go. When Rafe wants something, when he needs something, he will do whatever it takes to get it. And oh, how he needs you.

Rafe’s fascination, his obsession with you has been going on for years. He won’t ever admit it, but his perfectly curated collection of your personal items in his closet proves just how bad he’s been obsessing over you. The first thing he had ever stolen from you was your drink, you had been at the same party and you left your red solo cup about three-quarters full. Nobody noticed anything when he casually picked up the cup and finished the rest of your beer, purposely lining his lips with where yours had touched the cup, which was perfectly marked by the lipstick you had been wearing. After you’d leave a restaurant, he’d take the straws from your drinks. Rafe eventually worked himself up to breaking into your house and stealing your things when nobody was home. And Rafe made sure to explore every single inch of your room. All of your favorite panties? Gone. He’d take everything, your shirts, bras, whatever he liked really. You had noticed things kept disappearing from your room, but you’d just think you misplaced it–whatever it may be, or left it in a bag somewhere. Rafe had a good system. He knows exactly how much and how often he can take from you. 

Rafe knows he’s sick. He knows that it’s wrong to watch you from outside your bedroom window, that it’s wrong to follow you around in public, to purposely bump into you so you have to mutter a ‘sorry’ as you move around him. He just really, really needs you. And in Rafe’s twisted, dark, mess of a mind he believes this is the best way–the only way. He couldn’t treat you like every other girl, no, you were special. You were his and you just didn’t know it yet. Starting early on in his life, Rafe has always been neglected, always pushed into the shadow of his younger sister, Sarah. He’s been told he ruins everything, that everything he touches turns to ash. And you’re way too perfect to ruin. So, he follows you around like a creep, lurking from a distance. Of course you didn't know he’s been following you everywhere…he liked it better that way.

Rafe knew the line had already been crossed. Hell, the line had been crossed a long fucking time ago. He doesn’t care anymore, he needs you. Heaven is smelling like you; and not because you had left your scent on him, but because he had bought the same perfume as you. He needed to know what you smell like, how sweet you are…and how sweet you taste. Heaven is watching your chest rise and fall as you sleep peacefully in your bed. Heaven is you.

What Rafe has been doing to you for years could be defined as worship. Rafe was worshiping you. He’s your good boy; your loyal man and he was going to take care of you; protect you, even if you don’t know it yet. You’re what he lives for; you’re all that keeps him going, the only thing he cares about. 

Since he’s been watching you for years, of course he knew your schedule. Of course he knew that on Fridays your parents work late at the local bar & grill that they own. This means you slept in your house by yourself practically every Friday night. So every Friday night, Rafe would sneak in through the back door that you always forget to lock. He just wants to check on you, he wants to see his pretty girl sleeping beautifully, he wants to know that his baby is okay. This is not a crime, it’s not a crime to care; he’s not insane, he’s just in love–if you could even call it that. How can it be wrong to protect what’s his? nOh, and god forbid anyone ever get in the way of his stalking routine, if anyone were to take you away from the inevitable path of meeting him…oh, the things he would do; whatever it takes.

One unforgettable Friday night, you fall asleep on your couch watching a rerun of one of your favorite shows. You enjoy being alone. If only you knew you haven’t been alone for a very long time. You’re woken up by sudden, loud noises coming from your bedroom, but you think maybe it’s just the cat, or maybe you didn’t shut your window. You get up from the couch and in several slow, cautious steps you tiptoe over to your room. When you enter your doorway, you’re immediately greeted by the sight of a tall and broad man standing in the center of your bedroom holding the last shirt you wore to his nose, breathing in your scent. The sight of all this makes you immediately freeze and stand motionless in your bedroom doorway, staring at him blankly. 

Rafe doesn’t startle when he realizes you’ve caught him red-handed. Instead, quite the opposite actually. He’s actually a bit amused, relieved even; if you hadn’t caught him just now, he never would’ve been able to work up the nerve to finally talk to you. He didn’t want to have to be creepy about things between you two, but he couldn’t talk to you like a normal person. It’d be too unpredictable, too unknown. Meeting you like this…he has all of the control. 

“There you are,” he grinned. “How beautiful…” The strangely offputting man gloated in your fear and it was obvious.

You take a step back from where you had been frozen. He takes a step forward. This cannot be happening, you think. Your brows furrow in hopelessness and defeat. Again, you freeze where you are standing, even more afraid to move now. 

You feel like you’ve seen the man before, which you have, plenty of times; but he was careful to never have too big of an interaction, so that you couldn’t recognize his face. You have no clue that you’ve been and always will be his.

 “W-wha…who are you? W-why are you in my house?” You try to keep your voice as strong as possible, but the way your words shake with trepidation betrays you. 

The man takes a quick step forward, slowing to a stop and putting his hands up in mock surrender as you jump back. “Woah, woah, hey…calm down, alright?”, he chuckles when he sees the utter horror and complete fright in your eyes. His tone switches into one of a little more seriousness, “I'm not here to hurt you, you don't need to be so scared...”.  If you didn’t feel like your only choice was to look him in the eyes, you might even believe him. But, you had no other option but to witness the animalistic spark in his eyes that lit up with each word he spoke. With each step he took, you took one further back—your heart dropped into your stomach at the sight of his cocky, twisted smile and the way he looked at you…like you’re a zebra grazing in your natural habitat and he’s the lion waiting to pounce and attack you in your own home. 

“I just wanted to see you," he leaned up against your dresser, taking in the look on your face. His face almost instantly drops the predatory look and adopts one of mock concern, almost convincing enough to hide his amusement. “Hey, it's okay, baby, it’s okay…”

“Please,” you beg. “If you leave I won’t call the cops. I won’t tell.”

Rafe cocks his head and lets out a slow breath, as if he’s disappointed in your reaction; you aren’t supposed to want him to leave. “Hey, hey…I’m not gonna hurt you. Just listen to me…you don’t wanna have to call the cops at three in the morning,” he elaborated. He’s trying to be as convincing as he can because he cannot screw this up. Even so, he still can’t help his smile that only grows at the sight of your terrified face. He shakes the smirk off, adopting a serious expression once more. “Especially when the cops won't be able to do a damn thing.” 

He continues to step closer to you with each word. He stops once his figure is looming over you, looking at you like a lion about to pounce on its prey. “You should really be more careful, sweetheart, leaving the back door open like that at this time of night, when you’re all alone…you never know who might be out there.” His voice is cold as he warns you about the dangers of the world; the dangers of himself. 

“Who are you?” You repeated. The man looks so familiar but you just couldn’t quite place his face anywhere. You just need to know what he wants; who he is. 

“That’s not important right now baby…we’re focused on you, yeah?” The man’s eyes widen, taking in every detail of your face; the only other times he’s seen you this close is when he watches you sleep. 

You could feel his breath on your face as he spoke. The look in his eyes tells you to take another step back, but when your back collides with the wall you jump; there’s nowhere left for you to go and that was exactly how he wanted it. He wanted you like this alone, afraid, and cornered. He loved your fear. The man stares at you with a predatory look although aside from the darkness and lust in his eyes, you can see something else, but…what is it?  

“W-what do you want?” You ask, keeping as calm as you can. Even though with every passing second the air gets thinner and thinner. Your stomach is in knots and your throat starts to close up. Not to mention the stinging tears in your eyes, threatening to fall at any given moment.

“Me?” he cocked an eyebrow, his eyes shamelessly roaming your body as he blew out a huff. “I just wanna have a little chat, that's all...” The unknown man takes another step towards you, invading your personal space, his tall frame towering over you as his bottom lip finds a home between his teeth. Rafe reaches up and tucks a strand of your hair behind your ear. “No need to be so scared, baby...”

“T-talk about what?” You have no idea what this man who you don’t know, could possibly want to talk about with you. Why is he acting like he knows you when you’re sure you’ve never even seen him before? Why is he…admiring you? No, that couldn’t be right. The mystery man is so confusing, all his twists and turns giving you whiplash. 

“Ah, you see...” he responds, pausing to place his other hand on the wall behind you, almost trapping you in. You feel his hot breath against the sensitive skin of your face, burning you like hot steam. His breath was slow and steady. He was completely calm. He liked this. He gave you a genuine smirk, bringing his face closer to your ear. “It’s more of a proposition really…”

“What is it…?” You ask. Not out of curiosity because honestly, you’re too afraid to know. But because you figure things might, just might go better for you if you play along. He stayed silent for a moment—enjoying the look in your eyes and your erratic breathing.

“All this fear…all this trembling...” he trails off as he brings his hand up to your chin, his thumb slowly tracing the outline of your lower lip. “It's nice to finally meet you...” He chuckles and leans in so that his lips nearly touch your ear. “Will you stop shaking like that if I tell you what I want?” His thumb moves from your bottom lip and he tucks a piece of your hair behind your ear; he doesn’t want anything getting in the way of his view of your pretty face.“Hmmm?” he challenged. “Or will you still be shaking like a scared little puppy?”

“I-I don’t…” You stutter, not being able to speak or even think clearly with the way he’s glaring at you. 

“Shhhh… ” he tutted, bringing his other hand from the wall to your lower back and drawing you even closer to him—until your body was almost flush against his, his touch surprisingly warm. “You're not answering my question,” he whispers your name as he runs his fingers through your hair, it’s softer than he’d imagined. 

“Please just…” The tears were no longer threatening as they began to fall down your cheeks. “Please…” Hearing this man who you do not know, say your name, was probably the most frightening thing to happen to you yet. 

“Shhh, stop that...” he calmly commanded when he saw the tears falling from your pretty eyes. Rafe's voice was soft but stern—he hated seeing you so distressed. His hand moved from your lower back to your chin, making you look up at him. “Hey it’s okay…it’s okay baby, no need for tears. I just wanna talk to you is all." You almost believe him for a moment with how sincere the glint in his eyes appeared. But you’ve picked up on his manipulative expressions. 

“My parents will be home soon…” You vaguely remember your parents mentioning something about something and blah blah blah…they’re closing early tonight. You really hope it’s true and isn’t just a figment of your imagination; something your mind is making up so you don’t completely give up. 

A cocky smile returned to his face as he let a small huff of amusement slip past his lips. He knew your parents were working late, just like every other Friday night. "Bullshit,” he chuckled. His hand moved back to your lower back, holding you against him. “It’s just you and me, pretty girl.” He grabs your waist and within the next second, you’re on your bed and he’s hovering over you. You can feel his hot breath in your ear, you can smell him, feel the excessive heat radiating from his body. He speaks quietly now, more serious than he’s been this entire time, “Don’t ever fuckin’ lie to me again. Got it?”

His words provoke a small whimper from you. How long has he been watching you? What’s he gonna do? What does he want to talk about? Your mind is filled with questions you’re too afraid to ask. “I-I’m not lying.” He leans down, his lips almost touching yours. Rafe’s eyes are looking straight into yours, admiring the complete and utter fear your eyes possess. He doesn’t want you to be scared of him. But fuck, does he love it.

“Oh yeah?” He mumbles as he presses his face into your hair, taking in your scent. He can’t believe he’s finally this close to you. He didn’t think it’d ever happen, and if you didn’t catch him tonight, it probably wouldn’t have. It’s meant to be, he thinks. “What did I tell you about lying, hm baby? I know you’re fuckin’ lyin’ to me, so you wanna try that again?”

Before your brain could muster up some bullshit response, the sound of the front door unlocking echoes through the hall and into your bedroom. Rafe holds his breath and puts his hand over your mouth, causing your eyes to widen as he leans to the side to glance down the hallway at the front door. “Shh…”, he whispers. You weren’t lying. Your parents came home from work early and they’re about to turn the doorknob and come inside the house. Rafe looks at you, the look in his eyes beyond unsettling. “Tell the cops…tell anyone, and I’ll come back and fuckin’ kill you, okay? This is our secret. Don’t make me come back and hurt you babe, I really, really don’t wanna have to do that, alright?” 

He has to be bluffing, right? But, when you look up to meet his gaze, you can tell; you can tell he meant every single syllable that he spoke. It’s not like the cops would believe you if you said you had a stalker anyways, you’re a pogue. And cops never believe a pogue. Rafe doesn’t need a response from you, the fear in your eyes tells him all he needs to know.

 Just before you hear the front door open, Rafe smirks at you. “We’re gonna have so much fun together baby.” Reluctantly, the disturbed man leans back and takes his hands away from you. Without another word, he walks over to your bedroom window and pushes it open. Before ducking to climb out, the large man looks back at you. Your breath hitches even further if that’s even possible.

 “Goodnight puppy.” The outline of his smug grin is visible even in the darkness of your room. Just as you hear the quiet voices of your parents enter your house, the dark figure turns and exits your window. When the man is outside you sit up and rush over to shut and lock the window behind him. 

With caution, Rafe watches as your mother comes to peek her head in your bedroom. She only lingers in your doorway long enough to see your dark shape laying in bed. Covered in blankets, you pretend to sleep, knowing that you wouldn’t be able to hold a casual conversation with your mother at the moment. And the last thing you want to do is raise any alarm. Not while he’s out there–whoever he is. Hot, salty tears fall from your eyes, wetting the soft skin of your cheeks. When she shuts the door, you let out a shaky breath, finally being able to breathe.But, you keep your eyes sealed shut. At least then you can’t see if the man is still watching you from outside your window. You lie awake for hours, how are you meant to go back to sleep after whatever the hell just happened? All you can do now is wait. Is he coming back? When will he come back? Who is he? Why does he want you? There’s a million different questions and worst scenarios circling around in your head. So, you just wait, it’s all you can do. 

As you wait, the hours turn into days, days turning into a week as the next Friday approaches you; you spend your time worrying about having to be home alone again. There still had been no sign of him since your encounter last week, but you decide to stay the night at a friend’s house, not wanting to take the risk. The second Friday after you came face-to-face with your stalker, you get a friend to spend the night with you. And now, after four weeks of waiting there’s still no sign of the deranged man. Although, if you had no knowledge of him stalking you for years he clearly is good at staying hidden. As the fourth Friday approaches, you think over your options. You can go to a friend’s house or have a friend stay over, as you’ve been doing. But, you’re tired of waiting for something to happen. You’re sick of not feeling safe in your own home and of having to look over your shoulder at all times. You used to love being alone, and now it’s been weeks since you’ve spent any time to yourself. You’ve had enough. This Friday you’re not hiding, you’re done being a coward. You will not allow this creep to keep taking away everything you love; you won’t allow yourself to waste any more time worrying about that psycho. So, you stay at home by yourself. He’s not gonna show, right? He was just bluffing or on drugs or something, that’s what you convince yourself.

You pull back the fluffy comforter on your bed and climb in. You pull the covers up and completely over yourself, you used to do this as a little girl when you’d have a nightmare or you’re scared of the thunder or the monster in your closet. If the blanket could protect you when you were little it should work now…right? Well, maybe it’d still work if you had a nightmare, but logically, what is it gonna do against your stalker? But no matter how much you force yourself to believe that he’s not coming back, you still find yourself praying. You’ve never been very religious, but recently you pray to whoever will listen. 

You had bought some sleeping pills from the store a few days after you discovered your secret stalker. They helped you sleep, since your brain hasn’t once stopped thinking about him since the whole fiasco. Reaching over, you pull out the drawer of your nightstand. You grab the bottle of pills, you swallow a couple dry and set the rest on your nightstand. The pills start to kick in quite sooner than usual, must be because you took double the amount…you’re gonna need them to fall asleep tonight. Your first night alone in weeks. In just a few short minutes, you’re out cold, buried underneath an absurd amount of pillows and blankets.

Rafe spent the past few weeks feeling overwrought after what he did. He feels wrong–a feeling he’s not used to experiencing. But it’s because he knows he’s ruined any chance he might’ve had with you. Before you caught him in your bedroom, he had a chance that you could meet him regularly and think he was just a normal guy. But now, all hopes of you ever thinking he’s ‘normal’ have been abandoned. He actually feels shame and…regret for his actions? He’s been seeing less and less of you, and it’s making him angry, so fucking angry. Your schedule has been relatively the same for the past years and now you’re switching it up? You’re hiding from him; running from him just like everyone else in his life. Maybe the things his family has been saying about him for most of his life is true; maybe everything he touches does turn to ash. God, why does he ruin everything? 

You are the one thing, the only thing that Rafe did not want to ruin. You’re the one thing in his life that’s too perfect to ruin…too innocent. But, the damage has been done. He doesn't have many options left. He could leave you alone, but then he’d be weak for not sticking to his word and he can’t have you thinking he’s weak and that you have the power. He could go back, but then what would he do? There was absolutely no way in hell you’d seriously talk to him, and he didn’t want to force himself onto you. He really wanted you to need him back, you have to want it. But everything you do or say now will be out of fear, it’ll be you trying to stay alive. He wanted you to be desperate for him, not desperate to get rid of him. Either way, you’re never gonna forgive him; you’ll always hate him now. Since you’ll feel the same no matter what he does now, he decides that he just needs to see you, he needs to talk to you again. It’s been far too long since he’s been close to you. He can’t take another goddamn second without seeing his reason to live.

He hurries over to your house, parking an entire block away as usual. He makes sure no eyes are on him as he sneaks around to your backyard. Rafe tries peeking through the curtains that block your window to see if you were in bed or not, but he can’t get a good view. He needs to know if you’re home. He needs to see you. 

Rafe sneaks around to the side of your house, checking all windows and doors in the process, but he has no such luck. But he doesn’t give up yet, he’ll get in, he’ll find a way. He tries the side door that leads into your garage. He lets out a giant breath of relief when the door clicks open. Once he’s inside the garage, he takes a quick glance around to analyze his surroundings and burn every inch of your house into his memory. When he finally enters your house, he takes his time to look around. Obviously Rafe knew you were a pogue–he knew everything about you, but you never really looked or acted like one. However, the inside of your home puts your life on display, making it very clear you’re a pogue. 

You sleep soundly, only being interrupted by the occasional dream; completely unaware that your stalker is making his way down the hall and into your bedroom. Rafe opens the door quietly. Your room is dark like the rest of your house, but the moonlight shining through your thin curtains provides just enough light that he can see the outline of your sleeping body. Now that your presence has been confirmed, he feels like he can finally breathe and he lets out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding. 

Before he became totally obsessed with you and he’d see you occasionally in public, you used to just make him horny. He’d catch a glimpse of your smile or hear the softness in the way you spoke, or the innocence in your sweet laugh and his dick would be hard within seconds. And when his obsession grew and he’d watch you more frequently, sex with other girls started not doing anything for him. He needed you…he needs you. When he actually started paying attention to the way you spoke, the way you acted, he fell in love–what he thinks is love anyways. Rafe realized you’re the sweetest, most pure person he’s ever known. He didn’t think people like you really existed. His discovery led him to watch you more closely, he started taking more risks just because he needed to find your flaw. There’s no way you’re actually this perfect, it has to be an act. Now, after years of watching you he can confidently say that you really are just that perfect. Rafe needs you for more than just getting off now, he needs your comfort, he needs the kindness that radiates off of you. Which is why he’s always trying to find a way to get closer to you, he needs to absorb your sweetness. But hes really done it now; he’s fucked up big time. You hate him.

He hadn’t realized that the hate he brought upon you would tint the kindness that radiates for your being. He has to get you to let go of the hate he’s caused you, he needs you to be yourself again. He just doesn't know how, if it’s even possible.

 As you sleep soundly, his large frame towers over you as he stares down at you through the darkness. You look so peaceful, so innocent. It physically pains him to know that he’s taken away parts of your innocence. All he can do is stare at you as he mentally curses himself. He can’t wake you up and ruin your small moment of peace. It’s better if you don’t know he’s there. 

Your stalker slowly raises his hand and uses his thumb and pointer finger to pull your blanket down to your knees. Even with the blankets pulled down most of your body was hidden from him. Almost everything is left to the imagination in the loose, patterned pj pants and the oversized, long sleeve shirt that you’re wearing. He can only see a small portion of your lower stomach due to your shirt slightly riding up. And that small bit of skin is enough to trigger his memories of you. Because of course he’s seen you countless times; he’s got your body memorized.

He’s practically panting as he takes in the sight of you, imagining that you’re unclothed beneath him; his memory is sharp enough to almost see it. His cock grows to press against his jeans and his eyes trail up to your beautiful face. The ache in his needy cock starts to become unbearable. Your name slips past his lips in the form of a mumble when he starts to palm himself through his newly tightened jeans. 

Okay, Rafe has definitely jerked off to the thought of you, your smell…everything about you makes him lose whatever control he ever even had to begin with. Something he hasn’t gotten to do yet is jerk off with you right in front of him as a live viewing source, fresh for his eyes. He’s gonna be able to cross that off the bucket list soon enough; he can’t wait any longer. His hand stops its ministrations over his jeans as his head turns and he moves over to your closet, grabbing a pair of delicate, worn panties from the top of your laundry hamper. He brings the treasure up to his nose to smell you. God, he could cream his fucking pants right now. He quietly walks back over to you, taking a look at the pill bottle on your nightstand. He picks it up with his free hand, eyes quickly scanning over the label. He smirks as he sets it back down. Rafe turns his head to look back at you. His smirk grows even wider as he leans back, cocking his head as he observes you. Yeah, you’re definitely gonna be out for a while.

With his pants and boxers around his ankles, he stands over you. Your panties between his hand and his cock as his fist slowly pumps up and down his length. His other hand meticulously pulls your shirt up to reveal your chest.

“Fuckkk…” he whispers under his breath as his bottom lip is held captive between his teeth. Your perfect tits are spilling out of your bra as you lie asleep on your back. He lightly fiddles with the ends of your hair as his hand pumps over his dick repeatedly and without rhythm. He takes his time, Rafe never likes to rush this. Especially not with you.

Your subconscious mind reacts to his light touch and sounds, pulling you into a wet dream; seeing as a main side effect of the medication you took was vivid dreams. You’ve also been unusually horny lately, probably because you’d been too afraid to touch yourself when you thought you were being watched twenty-four/seven. His fingers trail up your stomach and into the valley of your breasts with feather light touch.

You stir a bit, not because you felt him, but because the dream you’ve been thrown into by your subconscious is starting to get your body all worked up. You’ve been extra horny recently and keep having sex dreams since you haven’t been able to touch yourself the past few weeks, having a stalker and all. As he leans down to lightly kiss the skin in between your boobs, a moan slips past his lips, vibrating off of your skin and interrupting the mostly silent room. The only other sound that can be heard in the quiet room is that caused by Rafe’s hand quickly moving up and down his cock; the friction caused by the soft fabric of your panties generates a quiet noise. Pre-cum leaks from his slit and seeps into the fabric of your recently worn panties. He leans back down to create a hickey on your chest and hopes that you won’t wake up from the sudden feeling, although if you did that might be even better. Shaking the selfish thought out of his head, he sucks strongly at the smooth skin between your beautiful tits. He pulls his mouth off with a pop! Leaning back to see the mark he left, he smirks knowing you’ll see it too eventually. The already rhythmless movements of his hand gets even more erratic the closer he gets to reaching his orgasm. 

The man standing above you runs his hand back down your chest and abdomen as you sleep. Completely unaware of what's happening to your physical body right now, you begin to get all wrapped up in your dream. You only ever get sex dreams when you’re so overly horny, which you’ve been the past few weeks. That combined with the sleeping medication you took, made this particular dream feel different; it felt so…real. The only dream-like part about it was that you couldn’t see the man's face for whatever reason. 

While you’re in a deep sleep, you involuntarily let out a needy whine as your active mind plays games with you. When Rafe hears you he thinks he imagined it, until he hears you do it again. He wonders if you could feel him, except he’s not even touching you right now. Realizing that's clearly not the reason, he furrows his brows in confusion. He pulls the duvet cover completely off of you to reveal the way you keep periodically squirming as your body searches for the same feeling your mind is experiencing; and the way your toes tighten up and curl as you’re tricked into thinking you feel pleasure. 

He can’t take it, not when you look like this. The man hovering over your unconscious figure lets out a lewd moan that corrupts the silence as hot strings of his cum spurt out of the pink, glistening tip of his cock and onto the pair of your panties that he's got clenched in his fist, immediately soaking into the fabric. Surprisingly, when he gets through his orgasm, he adoringly covers you back up with your blankets and leaves your house, locking the door he entered through to be sure you were safe. He got enough to satisfy him for now as he works on a plan to change the way you think of him.  He’ll be back for more of you soon enough. He has to fix this; the biggest mistake he’s ever made and the only regret he’ll ever carry. 

To be continued...

Thank you for reading! I hope this was enjoyable and not a waste of time. I spent a lot of time on this part, especially with the editing since I never really feel done with anything. If you have literally ANY feedback, questions, or suggestions, PLEASE feel free to let me know! I don't really have any solid plans for this fic so if you have any ideas I just might include them, there's not much I won't write!

[icepip]

͏͏͏͏͏͏ ͏͏͏͏͏͏⠀⠀ ͏͏͏͏͏on goodbyes.

i've been thinking about this for a while and it feels like the right choice for me, but i'm going to be leaving this blog and probably writing in general. i just don't feel happy anymore and that joy that i used to experience being here has shifted into guilt and leads me into depression.

it feels a bit silly to write this all out in all honesty, but i hate the idea of never explaining my absence. similar to my old blog, icepip will stay up as an archive so that what i've posted isn't lost, but it won't be updated anymore. i apologize for all the asks i've left unanswered, for all the stories i said i would write and share. it wasn't my intention but i simply can't continue to write.

i've never thought that i was good at writing but the need to express my ideas outweighed that lack of confidence. i wrote because i thought my ideas were worth sharing, even if it didn't sound the best. now, the scales have shifted too much and i can't find the drive to even try to put words on the screen. i just get stressed and upset and convince myself that it's not worth it. and that has gotten far too tiring for me to deal with.

logging in and seeing my mutuals and others i follow post and write and share, it fills me with such guilt that i can't be like that, too. i don't have the energy to read, i don't have the energy to engage. instead of getting inspired by others like i used to, i find myself slipping into depressive spirals.

i truly wish that i could write or even just simply exist here but it hurts to try to. i hope one day, i'll be proven wrong and i can come back, that the idea of being here doesn't make me want to cry. that i'll be able to write and share again. but i'm not going to hold my breath for it. i know myself too well, i know i give up and move on far too easily and i fear that this is what's happening now.

but thank you to everyone who was nice to me. who supported me and commented and reblogged my posts. who sent asks and engaged with me. thank you for bringing me joy and making me feel like i belonged. i truly, truly, appreciate everything you did.

and i'm sorry for everything i left unfinished, but i hope that if you followed me — whether for a short or a long time — that you enjoyed your time here. maybe one day our paths will cross again.

[meltedbluecaterpillar]

I saw your post about requests and I figured I'd ask - would it be alright to request something with Leona performing oral? (I don't mind what assets the reader has - either way is fun hehe)

I feel like the sight of his sexy fuckin face while his head is between my thighs and his arms are wrapped around my legs to hold them open so he can easily access whatever he wants to is hot AF lol

I hope you have a nice day! Remember to stay hydrated (⁠ﾉ⁠◕⁠ヮ⁠◕⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠*⁠.⁠✧

Apply Pressure

A/N: Oh my dearest Alice... How you've seduced me with this thought... Unfortunately... I am a bigger fan of sinking to my knees for Leona... But... I also like this kind of service... I hope you enjoy what I've made.

tags: Leona Kingscholar x gn!afab!reader, cunnilingus wc: 507

Leona Kingscholar had bewitched you with his charms once again. It wasn’t like the two of you had a romantic relationship. No, not at all. It was far more explicit. A form of animalism on Leona’s behalf. You had something between your legs that he had hungered for. And with enough prodding and poking, convincing and cooing, he had you all to himself in the botanical gardens.  

It was an occasion that you couldn’t predict. You would find yourself dozing off in class in the early morning. And around lunch time, the lion would seek you out for something more entertaining. Today was one of those occasions. His knee parted your thighs when he cornered you, whispering sweet nothings that stoked a familiar flame in your stomach. With a smirk, Leona had you trailing right behind him with your gaze turned towards the tips of your shoes.  

Your chest heaved, thighs clamping around his head as his sandpapery tongue dragged against your plush folds. His lips pursed and kissed wetly at your aching clit. His hands held your hips tightly pressed against the soft earth to keep you from bucking against his face. Your pleas and cries fell silent to his little brown ears. It was just the foreplay. The wild flicks of his tongue that would urge your orgasm out of your shaking body was only the foreplay. Leona usually did this for the sake of his own pleasure. His tail would flick and curl in the air as he kissed and sucked, not caring for the shaking sound of your voice as he savored your nectar.  

“Leona- Please waait... Mmm’cumming again...” Your voice was strangled in your throat as the beastman continued. Tears pricking the corners off your eyes from overstimulation and your hands un-balled from fists to find purchase in his long, dark hair. Your legs were shaking uncontrollably as Leona laughed against your throbbing mound. He whispered something inaudible to you. His nails dug into your skin, tongue delving inside of your wet, silky walls as he continued to devour you. The muscles constricted and throbbed as your body shook beneath him. Coming unraveled from his light touches and the rough texture of his tongue against your aching clit.  

The moans falling from your lips was something that encouraged Leona. You couldn’t remember how many orgasms the beastman had already gotten out of you. And you weren’t sure how much more you could take. His thumbs began to press roughly against that soft spot of skin under your belly button. The application of pressure made you gasp, your voice pitching high as a sudden gush of fluid began to pour out of you. The familiar stickiness coated Leona’s mouth as you uncontrollably rocked your hips against the soft ground and up against his awaiting mouth. The beastman lapped and swiped his tongue against your awaiting hole. He could feel how boneless you had become. Limp and malleable under his hold.  

Again, this was just foreplay. There was far more to come for you.  

[mugenmcfugen]

On other hand, I can't for the love of God figure out where is Shiv going with his lore. I mean we get the bits here and there but what I've seen so far, majority of people are arguing if he's either vampire (because blood and hanging upside down) or werewolf (based on his unused ulti ability model which is just holy fuck kill it with fire). But I personally can't place him in either camp. One thing I've gotten so far is that he isn't evil or malevolent and has quite friendly vibe with couple of others, and Grey Talon chose him for the next leader of Baxter Society, which is there to hunt monsters and I get feeling that Grey Talon isn't THAT unwise to say the least. One thing that threw me off is this post from Reddit where someone picked up that his reliquary is almost perfect 1:1 of reliquary from old horror movie "Tales from the Crypt Presents: Demon Knight" and people keep saying he's similar to the antagonist, but I get vibe he's sort of mixture between both judging by the description of a movie?

One other thing my mind immediately went to is that Grey Talon and Shiv kinda remind me of Vesemir and Geralt from Witcher, both in relationship and well, job description wise. Witchers themselves are based on Vedmak which seems to fit Shiv's description, and Shiv has the line ''time to cull the herd'' when you level up his dash, Vedmaks were known to treat humans and animals. He could also fit Krsnik too, which is slavic version of vampire hunter. Or Dhampir, like Blade.

Now, question is, when Patron is glazing him before match, is he talking to Shiv or the entity within him? It's probably both, and it's just my mind is trying to attack every single angle of this and trying not to burn out at same time.

[v88sy]

As a bi person this episode was disgusting. They really played into the stereotypes and didn’t care how it came across. This is my comfort show but that was not it. Then hearing that Lou/Tommy won’t be back, makes it even worse. They may lose viewers because of this and it’ll be their own fault sadly. I just know the other fandom is about to throw a party and the harassment will be through the roof 😢😢😢

Good, I'm glad I'm not the only person that felt things were coming across that way. I'm not straight either, but I can tend to over think things or maybe not grasp them the first time around. I've said on more than one occasion that I have to watch episodes several times to really get what's going on.

Honestly, Oliver seems so in tune with wanting to do this storyline and things correctly, I'm surprised he allowed it to play out that way.

As far the the Lou thing goes...I dunno. I'm trying to not read too much into that interview, if that makes sense? The only person that really said his time was over was the person who wrote the article, and they're a known buddie, I think. Unless someone official gives me something concrete...I dunno.

It just seems so weird after all the signs pointing in the opposite direction and all the positive engagement they've gotten from him.

As far as the other side...I don't really care much, honestly. It'll just make it all that easier to go back to being GA like I was for the 6 years prior.

[secondbeatsongs]

[kumakuma-circus]

investitism team.

[bunnihearted]

being too weird and unlikable and off putting and always being shunned and turned into an outcast everywhere i go and not having felt the connection and healing friendship has on you for so many years has really done a number on me

[xellandria]

Week one of @stranglethorn-bonfire-bash's art bash this year is "Hidden Treasure" and for once, I immediately had an idea of what I wanted to do: make friends! Literally! A quick walk over to the local fabric/craft store (after making sure they had what I wanted via the internet) and I had the materials to make 31 gold coins and 30 silver ones. I ended up only making 20 gold and 6 silver because the pens I was using all kept running out of ink, and at some point I'd decided I'd had enough, heh.

Of course, now I have almost an entire can of greyish-gold spray paint that I gotta find a use for...

[outlying-hyppocrate]

well. did you fucking miss me.