#keiks works

[thepeonysbackup]

◇Meal time◇

Pairing: Alastor x Fem!Reader

Part two of: Dry humping

Tags: More boring plot between, MDNI, smut, under the table, Husk gets traumatized, semi public, oral (M receiving)

Summary: After your incident in the kitchen, it seems the overlord just didn't have enough of you. So under the table in the dining hall of the new hotel you kept him warm from beneath the table until he sees it fit to take things to the next level.

A/N: I wasn't expecting to make this, but wooah- The last one got so much attention, and I honestly am honored you’d want more from me.

Word count: 1.3k

Request: Yes/No (By: @notalwaysa and my other ducklings~)

Part three at: Satisfaction

The grip Alastor held on the silver spoon within his clawed fingers tightened enough to bend it in half as his smile tightened. The soft caress he felt on his inner thighs made it happen, your dainty fingers slipped up it to the zipper of his red pants, pulling slowly as Charlie gushed about how much she was enjoying the dinner you'd planned for them all, the flavors all mixing in oddly fond way she couldn't place, she gave a sigh as she took another large bite which earned laughs and giggles from the girls. The wet patch on the crotch of his clothing from your moments just prior remained, his hips lifting ever so slightly to push himself a tad bit towards your grasp made you rather aware of how much he was urging you on, coaxing with mere movements for you to unsheath his steadily aching heat. Your lips drew a flat line when Vaggie inquired on your whereabouts, your hand gradually massaging the easing boner that was reforming in Al's lap. You managed to shuffle even closer until your head was right against the table cloth, breath fanning the fabric as your motions became slowly lighter, a teasing pinpoint from just enough to make his radio static hiss almost enough to catch attention of anyone else. “Yeah, she made this stuff for us, and she ain't even here to see us enjoy it!!” Angel dramatically groaned across from Husk, who was sitting beside Al, whose eyes were flickering around, and ears were on guard. “Uhh- Well..- Hey! Maybe she got tired and went to bed. It must've been exhausting to make this for us, especially when she didn't have to at all, by any means!” Charlie defended with a nervous smile, head looking around as well, “Don't you think so, Al?”

The mention of him made his attention turn from you to the princess, his tight smile easing slightly as he gave a laugh and gently slurped on the Gumbo from his special bowl, his free hand snaking down to place it above your head so he could stroke your hair in an unexpectedly soothing manner, “I believe wholeheartedly that she's here in spirit,” He gave a hum, static prickling the volume to a more unreasonable amount then usual, “Absolutely enthralled that were enjoying such a wonderful meal together.” He nearly strained as Charlie gave a dramatic coo, sparkles practically floating around her as she spoke about how proud she was that he was getting along with you so well. Oh boy, if only she knew just how well.. Suddenly your hair was gripped tightly and you were pulled flush against his crotch, cheek getting rubbed lightly against the lukewarm frabric in a concerningly soft way contrast to the grip you felt on yourself. It was a signal, one you had no problem understanding and acting on as your hand finally pulled his reharddened sticky length from its confines and gave a damp kiss to its base before a long teasing lick all the way up to its slit, burning the lovely sight of it jumping in your hand into your memory. He must've never touched himself, let alone let others, how perfect for you..

*SLAM*

The sudden sound came from the Overlord above, hand hitting the underside of the table after letting go of your hair, supposedly he hadn't expected such an action just yet. You had that to your advantage, giving him a few more soft barely-there licks up to his tip before placing both your lips against the side of his shaft and slowly making firm stroking movements up and down with your hand, lips working what you couldn't fit around your petite fingers. He made a grunt as he manifested a napkin and brought it up from his lap as if that's what he had been grabbing all along, “You okay?” Intruded Husk, his brow raising skeptically as his gaze began to travel down to the legs of the deer demons chair, where he could just barely see a pair bare skinned knees shifting slightly beneath them, he had to blink, looking back at his owner. “Peachy, old pal. Why do you ask?” Alastors nonchalant response urked the barcat, voice rumbling as he gave a, “Er, no reason.. Forget it.” Due to the subtle change in the way his deer had smiled, it's was sharper, strained with an expression that traveled to the dials in his eyes that spoke millions of undeniable threats. He couldn't say anything.

The meal continued with banter, Alastors claws now digging into the underside of the wooden table, eye twitching from your affection from below causing the pre-cum to form at his tip, shaft pulsing lightly as your tongue now played across his skin more confidently. He sighed quietly, ears flicking backwards for but a moment before he heard an annoyed, “Fuck-” From his side, seeing as Husk had dropped his spoon somehow. You took him into your mouth, a sharp breath from above being your cue to keep going until you had about half of him inside, eyes closing momentarily, your mind completely void of everything else around you as you gave a small noise against his hardness as it pushed past your uvual. You hadn't noticed the hand that was searching for the glinting silver below the tablecloth, or how it had brushed over your leg just enough to rise a small swallowed whimper from you, a head and body quickly found its way underneath the table only to jolt to a furry stop at the sight of you in such a not only lewd but shamless position. As your eyes opened, it took you a moment before you caught a glimpse of the bartender beside you gawking in sheer disbelief.

You were such a polite thing, never once had he thought...

But when you did, you stopped completely in your tracks to whip your panting head over to him, tempted to explain yourself, but stopping in the process as it would've alerted everyone. Alastors hand turning you back and against his cock again made you rethink and bat your eyes in thought before you ultimately gave Husk one final glance before setting back to work. The white claws of the former overlord quickly swiped the spoon from the ground before he went to stand up, hitting his head hard on the table which caused everyone to stop talking and laugh a bit as he came back up with a red furry face without his hat. Nothing was said about you, but the hand that was still on your head probably wouldn't have stopped pushing you down either way. The sporadic movements made your vision spotty, throat quickly becoming sore from the painful angle in which he was aiming you at as you almoat silently gagged on him, throat contracting enough for him to shove you down all the way. Almost silently.. Sadly, there had been just enough noise for Angel to hear, and his head perked up, “Am I going crazy or did I hear somethin’?” He said aloud, head on a swivel before Vaggie gave a groan and her hand pinched the bridge of her nose, “No, there's no-” You couldn't hold the soft cough that left you as you ripped yourself back, not having expected the man to give your throat a thick load that dribbled right down your chin onto your chest. “Okay, yeah, I heard that-” The fallen angel added just as Alastor placed his napkin next to his glass of wine, “Well, I must say I did enjoy our little family meal. But I have many things to do this evening, I do hope you discover whatever that odd noise truly was!” With Alastors words being spoken quickly and methodically he sunk into his shadows while grabbing both his cane and the glass of red liquid casually, you coming along with him just as quickly as Charlie bid him goodbye.

[fighting-these-demons]

I couldn't in good conscience add my bullshit to a 10 note post so:

Why does this sound like a sick burn Kaz*ma delivers to Hi*i while making fun of him for following him everywhere and not having a motorcycle?

He delivers this statement in his best Hi*i impression.

Yuk*na of course is very practiced at holding back tears but she's not practiced at holding back sudden uproarious laughter and busts a gut along with Yus*ke. A demure Kur*ma hides a subdued chuckle behind his hand along with B*tan.

[a-cloud-for-dreams]

Hii 🥰

I saw this picture and thought it might inspire a fic or an edit (no pressure 🥰)

omg this cake looks so good!!! i am literally obsessed ty!!! this may be angstier than i thought but:

Once A Shattered Heart

Book: Open Heart (Post Book 3)                     

Pairing/Characters:  Bryce Lahela x F!MC (Chandini Ramakrishnan), feat. Aishwarya Pillai (F!OC)

Rating: Teen     

Warnings: Childhood trauma/Insecurities                 

Category:  Angsty Fuff                

Words: 1.7k

Summary:��As Chandini and Bryce work on planning their wedding, he helps her deal with a heartbreak that never healed

A/N:  lol i don't know what came over me idc how tired i am i love angst <333 also a lot of Tamil people have their last names as their father's first names just a random note in case anyone was curious

Of all the things Chandini went through, it was a surprise to find that wedding planning would be so excruciating. Why on earth were there so many things to look through? Venues, guests, catering, and organizing between a Hindu wedding or a classical reception. Not to mention her phone's incessant buzzing. She sighed as she planted her face into one of the couch pillows.

She felt a strong urge to nap after such a day. She would have collapsed on their couch earlier if it wasn't for Bryce helping her. He currently sat at the island calling Keiki and asking her opinion on the table settings.

"Ugh, I don't know Keiks, that's why I'm asking you! I'm 100% sure she would prefer the NAVY blue tablecloth"

She chuckled to herself, keeping her gaze on her fiance. Her charming, hilarious, supportive husband who she still felt like she didn't deserve. He cut the phone call and walked towards Chandini, planting an eager kiss on her forehead. A giggle slipped before she could control herself.

"You're so adorable, you know that?"

"How dare you insinuate I am anything less than bold or intimidating," she retorted before taking his arms and placing them around her cold shoulders.

"Whoa, Nini you're freezing!" he said. Chandini rolled her eyes. "Are you sure you don't have a fever or something? I don't think we can move our wedding to a hospital on short notice."

"I'm always cold. Besides all the sweaters are in the wash because someone keeps stealing them."

"Okay, that was only one time-"

Her phone rang, for what felt like the tenth time that day. Who could it be? She craned her neck to see the lock screen on her phone and saw one person she would never want to see in her life ever again. 

"I...have to go Bryce. After all the work we just did I believe I deserve a nap." She left his arms and he was able to see the woman who kept calling her. 

Oh for God's sake. 

He played the voicemail she sent and physically restrained himself from throwing a pillow across the room. 

"Chandini. I know you are purposefully ignoring my messages and frankly, it's just disrespectful. I'm sure none of your other friends do this to their mothers. I need to speak with you immediately after I meet with one of my clients."

~~~~~~~~

There are moments in Bryce's life where he regrets everything he does during intense moments.  This was not going to be one of them. 

He rang the doorbell to Chandini's mother's condo that she coincidently bought a month after she announced their engagement. He scoffed when she tried to argue she wanted to have more real estate in the Boston area. The woman answered shortly after the first ring and gasped in surprise when she saw her future son-in-law in front of him. 

"Miss Pillai." 

Sometimes, he forgot how similar Chandini was to her mother. From the thick wavy hair cascading off her shoulders to her prominent facial features, not to mention her intelligence. It wasn’t a surprise. Banerji was a brilliant doctor on her mother’s side and that family genius must have passed on somehow because there was something about the woman in front of him that exuded a feeling of superiority. She knew she was better but unlike Chandini, she wouldn’t feel guilty tearing other people down to bring her up. 

She laughed deeply. "Please, Bryce. If we are to be family I insist you call me Aishwarya.” 

He squirmed before continuing, eager to leave back to Chandini as soon as possible to make her a bowl of soup for her potential cold.  "Okay, fine. Aishwarya, you need to leave Chandini alone."

Her facial expressions tightened with anger and stared deeply into his. “Excuse me?”

"She doesn't want you there, and you need to get off her back."

“I can’t believe this,” she muttered, delicately bracing her head with a hand, something Chandini did all the time whenever she was in distress. 

"For the record, she doesn't want Mr. Ramakrishnan there either. Or Ramakrishnan? I guess that's his first name, right?"

She ignored his somewhat rhetorical question and muttered something under her breath. "After so many years she's still being this dramatic."

His blood started to boil against his wish. "Excuse me?" he asked, repeating her tone. 

"I believe your hearing is working just fine, Doctor Lahela. She's so dramatic. She has the audacity to leave and go against her mother’s wishes not even thinking of apologizing. Even you forgave your mother. What is her excuse?"

He balled his hand into a fist at his side. “It’s not an ‘excuse’ to not want to talk to a parent who took her anger out on her daughter because of her cheating father. God, how do you not understand how messed up that is?!”

She wasn’t startled at his exclamatory tone, almost as if she was prepared to make him mad. “I did no such thing! I don’t care for what her cowardly father did. I know for a fact that I raised a poignant, hardworking, and successful young woman or she wouldn’t be where she is today!”

Bryce stepped closer to her and laughed scornfully. “You’re the reason where she is today?! In a career, you didn’t want her to pursue?”

“Don’t speak on things you don’t understand, Doctor Lahela. I admit she would have been a better lawyer but I can admit I am proud that she is a well-known doctor. You would have never met her if it wasn’t for me. It’s simply pointless to deny my role-”

“In what? Making your daughter feel like she doesn’t deserve to be loved? For making her feel like she has to do everything all on her own or she’s a burden?” his hand started shaking, and it took him so much of his willpower to not tremble with emotion.

“It’s not my fault she thinks of herself that way. I don’t know what she did with her father but I know for a fact I gave her all the tools she needed to succeed,” she threw her hands in anger. 

"That doesn't mean she's happy!" he yelled. He took in a deep breath before proceeding. "When I started talking to her for the first time about her family, she never said anything. She always seemed closed off and she never told anyone anything. Do you know what that does to a person? Shoving your emotions so low to the point where you feel weak for being human?"

“I-uh”

“Speechless huh? Not something you see every day in a lawyer,” he jests. She glowered at him, and Bryce could have sworn he saw tears forming in her eyes.

"You don't know my life, Dr. Lahela, and you never will. I have made sacrifices for her-"

"That doesn't mean you didn't make mistakes!" his voice started rising again. "You need to accept that she's not ready to see you right now. Even after helping her in the Martinez trial. Even when she was almost on her deathbed."

He was almost out the door before she spoke again.

"I don't think we'll be getting along as much as I thought, Bryce."

He scoffed. "If it means being on Chandini's side, I'm alright with that..."

The slam of the door sent a ripple of pain through Aishwarya. Was it guilt? Anger? Shame? A text from Chandini popped up on her screen. 

I am tired of arguing with you and Appa. I’m not changing my mind. Please stop texting me.

Aishwarya cradled her face in her hands. She cut a gaping wound in their relationship from the day she was born and now she would bleed the consequences.

~~~~

He made it back to their house and sighed happily when he saw Chandini, making a large pot of soup with baked bread. She heard his footsteps and turned around eagerly. "Bryce, you're home!"

He raised an eyebrow. "You're excited. Did you think I would get lost?"

She laughed. "No, I found a cake you would like!" Chandii swiped through messages on her phone Sienna sent her. "She sent me a few pictures from the first bakery we went to together to pick up Rafael's birthday cake, remember? And look at this!"

A glazed marble cake with intentional cuts seeping with candy jewels and a heart-shaped jeweled decoration dominated his vision. He fell in love. "This is perfect!"

She squealed, unexpected for someone like her. "I know! Sienna really did a good job finding a cake, though I should probably request a navy blue color instead..."

Bryce wrapped his arms around Chandini as she was talking, desperate to hold onto this moment forever. "You're amazing, you know that, right? I'm so excited to wake up and spend the rest of my life with you." He kissed her nose softly.

She smiled, sniffling to hide any unwarranted tears. "Well, at least I'm glad I'm marrying someone with excellent taste."

Perma Tags: @peonierose, @jamespotterthefirst, @choicesficwriterscreations

[keik-keik]

Hydrangea or how I know it - hortensia, is a genus of plants native to Asia and Americas.

I think many people, specifically those who watched some older, shoujo cartoons or read same genre comic books, might know this flowering plants from scenes "after the rain", where hortensias are used to show heavy rain-reside in the flowers or slowly rolling down from leafs. And that would work, because name hydrangea comes from Greek "water vessel". Interesting fact is how these plants react to soils and how does type of it affect color of the flowers.

Some Japanese and Korean teas use parts of the plant, and are popular among enthusiasts. While people of Cherokee tribe used this plants for pain relief and mild remedy for some urinary issues.

Despite many species of this plant genius, there's really not much to tell, especially from someone absolutely "green" in the field of flowers and decorative gardening. But nothing prevents anyone from just enjoying these!

No matter if it's a smaller type reaching up to 3 meters, or very tall kind being able to grow up to 30 meters, hydrangea is nice, soothing plant with beautiful flowers!

As always, thank you so much for taking a look at my art! Leaving a like, comment or sharing means a ton to me, and is more than appreciated! 🤗

Tools: pencil, ink, watercolor and watercolor crayons, white gel pen, white ink.

My socials: https://keik-keik.carrd.co

[thepeonysbackup]

[Ooooo, sex faces when he's flustered?? Can you imagine truly the depth of which we could go with that man????

Since he's an anthropomorphic being down there, like many others, he too has his own features that give away pleasure; be it by purring, his tail swaying, or a faint cat-like noise that draws you in, perhaps even getting a chance to brush his ears and elicit the sweetest of mrowls. But what happens when you've got him under you? Don't get him wrong. He LOVES seeing your body writhing atop his when he gets into a mood, but when he can not control himself, he is the most delicious.

♡..."You think you're in charge tonight?"...♡

He knows that you will be. He teases you softly each time.

'Has he always been this good at foreplay?'

Oh, he's well versed. Don't worry about that old man when it comes to his claws. He'll be sure to take care of the marks after he's finished between your legs. Oh, you thought I meant that he'd be down there with his hands? No, no, his furry head would be laid back, hands locked around those thighs of yours while he basked in the slurping and squelching noises he'd draw from that weeping flower between those thighs. When you'd move, the claws would dig in, tearing and cutting your thighs as you'd look down at him with a look that he would most likely take a different direction, one that would concern him on your anxiousness to the rare position.

♡..."What? Think you're too heavy? You could ride my face all night dollface, so you better sit back down!"...♡

But that's not the case, even if it did ick you a bit. But you'd oblige and sit back down, only grinding down harder once his hands were back in place. As usual it would continue til your third or fourth climax on his lips and tongue. His hands slowly loosening til he flipped you both over with surprising strength, considering his lithe body.

The sight of the slick from between your legs smeared across his lips and chin wouldn't seem any different, till the sight of his blown pupils were right in front of yours. Then you'd hear that purring, that.. That growling.. That animalistic wanton rouse.

♡..."Dollface.."...♡

First Stage: Denial..

The first actual round would be long, your voice giving him just the push he'd need to keep up what his old body was telling him to slow down on, which were his womb bruising thrusts, the pleasureable scraping of his barbs against your velvety walls.

Trying, he'd do what he could to keep up with you after the fifth round, verbally letting you know that he couldn't keep going for too much longer. The perfect moment for for you to twist the both of you back over. He could keep it up right?

Second Stage: ...

♡..."Dollface- fuck, Dollface come on, lemme catch a breather—"...♡

He wouldn't be surprised by your much higher libido was compared to his, nor the way you'd want more. But what would confuse him would be the way you wouldn't stop. Sure you had both discussed that he was open for anything you'd like to try on a reasonable level, but so suddenly?

♡..."Doll- Oh, you need it don't you? Wanna keep bouncin' for me, fuck keep bouncin' sugar..!— Ngh!-"...♡

Right back on him is where you'd be, staring down at his face as it contorts into desperation. Desperation for you to ease off his aching half hard cock, desperation for your delicious grip on his chest fluff to loosen, desperation for your bruising pace to soften so he could relax his tensed tail, desperation for you to stop.. stop... The tears in his eyes would swell, sliding down his furry cheek and soaking into the taut fur as you'd give his face peppered kisses as he choked out a..

♡..."Please-"...♡

Third Stage: Acceptance..

Begging, oh to see this man beg for you to let him cum inside after all your work. His crying would've stopped, eyes instead rolled back just barely enough to prove he was losing himself in the pleasure you were causing him. (Especially with ya backdoor) Gasping and clawing into your already mangled and torn legs, your pace would falter as he shot a nearly blank load into your body.

♡..."Baby- Oh, fuck babydoooll please, uhn-"...♡

"Yeah, just like that big guy.. Let out some more of that beautiful fucking voice.."

The jump of his cock inside you would be a better response to his voice, feeling it reharden almost painfully inside just so you could start up again. Up, down, up, down. Rise, slam, rise, slam..!

A blubbering mess, rough voice already gravelly, as though it's been put through a woodchipper. "Come on, you have another load for me right?" The stammered moan of disagreeance that would come from his face of pure unadulterated bliss would make you chuckle, almost sinisterly.]

god almighty I need more art of Husk making sex faces

He's hot when he's dominant and in control, but even he can get flustered... blushing, ears tilting back, shaking and growling... fuck

[zeldaelmo]

Update on the advent calendar!

The thing with the matching Christmas Sweaters / modern BotW AU ✅ collab with Flutefemme

Dismissed/ AoC ✅ collab Bahbahh!

Dismissed ch. 2 ✅

Dismissed ch. 3 ✅

It may be winter outside (but in my heart it's spring)/Oot kids ✅ collab with srahviola

Believe/ Hylink ✅ collab Toby

Believe ch. 2 ✅

Believe ch. 3 ✅

Close enough/ TP ✅ collab onewingedsparrow

Fairy Magic/ TP ✅ collab JimmyJims

A rare find/ modern AU ✅

Of pines and pining/ BotW (✅)

Royal Icing/ Sequel to Flour, Water, Salt, Yeast, Love ✅ collab with Keik

Sneaky Snow Attack/ AoC  ✅

One night in December ✅/ modern AU

The Pen Pal Plan ✅ general Zelda AU

The Pen Pal Plan ch. 2 ✅

The Pen Pal Plan ch. 3 ✅

The Pen Pal Plan ch. 4 ✅

The Pen Pal Plan ch. 5 ✅

Link_inofficial_23

Snowboarding on Snowpeak with TP Zelink (or Oot???)

Regency winter ball

Regency winter ball pt 2

The numbers with a ✅ are finished, the rest are working titles. 

You see that some of the stories have collabs with artist, that’s still an option! Let me know what you’re interested in, and we’ll figure something out!

Some of these will shift around and I might end up mashing some of the prompts together, but that’s what’s planned/finished at the moment!

[pulchinelle]

Btw this isn't his Magus form just a casual outfit

𝔗𝔯𝔦𝔰𝔱𝔞𝔫 𝔗𝔞𝔪𝔞𝔰𝔥𝔦𝔦𝔥𝔦

Name: Tristan Ureitamashii

Katakana: トリスタン たましい憂い

Voice Actor:Tasuku Hatanaka (Japanese)

Nickname/s: Tri, Little Goody two-shoes

Twisted from: Magical girls (more specifically M/d/ka Magica, M/ho/ Sh/uj/ S/te/ and M/hou Sh//ujo Ik//sei Keik//aku)

Gender & pronouns: male, he/him

Age: 17

Sexuality: Pansexual

Birthday: June 6th

Star sign:  Gemini

Hair colour: Rasin Purple

Eye colour: Fandango Pink

Height: 190 cm

Homeland: Briar's Valley

Family: ???

Personality: Tristan is a very kind and gentle person, who doesn't like talking to other students as he is very shy and socially awkward, he spends most of his time in the School's garden studying or playing with animals, you can find him there even in the middle of the night. Tristan tends to put himself down, even when talking to others.

He is also very reckless, and that often puts him in more trouble, especially when he "works". In his Magus form, he is a little more cheerful and open.

Affiliation: RSA, Reikyu

Occupation: Student, Magus

Grade: 1st year

Best subject: Defensive magic

Club: ///

Hobbies: taking care of wild animals, practicing spells

Talents: very flexible, quick learner

Trivia:

✧Tri still hasn't developed a Signature Spell, and although he has powerful magic, he struggles to learn to use it.

✧He is always followed around by a weird little creature he calls Reikyu. It never talks, and isn't Tristan's Familiar

✧In the Main Story, we meet ihim during chapters 2 and 5 (I still have to decide wether he makes an appearance in chapter 6 ) to take the overblot stones Grimm eats

✧His main weapon is a shotg/n (cough cough It is a mix of Mami's and Aya's), his secondary (and less harmful) weapon is a staff

✧Tristan knows a lot about overblots, more than a normal student should

✧He is a big fan of Neige (only second Rook) but he limits himself to watching Neige from afar

His school uniform which I'm too scared to draw again (+ Reikyu in their human form and not understanding the concept of having to attend class ^^)

[bex-la-get]

22 for B&S, if you are feeling evil it could be interrupting their first time 😂

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Nonny, you are an evil genius. I love this, let's do it!

From this ask list.

22) A kiss that is leading to more, but is interrupted by a third party.

"Wanna get out of here?" Bryce asked.

The party they'd been at had been going for hours and they'd both be lying if they said they weren't tired and socially drained. Sienna fought back a yawn and nodded, stepping closer to him.

"Yeah, let's go."

Bryce wrapped his arm around her shoulder and squeezed it reassuringly. "Wanna go back to my place? It's quieter."

Sienna nodded, unable to fight back her yawn this time. "Yes, please."

Saying their goodbyes, they made a quick exit out of the party and onto the streets of Boston. Linking his fingers with hers, Bryce flagged down a taxi and the two of them climbed into it, making their way back to his apartment. The ride back was quiet, with Sienna’s head on Bryce’s shoulder, and their fingers entwined tightly. He placed a soft kiss on her head and she gave him a sleepy smile.

When they entered his apartment, fingers still entwined, they collapsed on the couch, heaving exhausted sighs from the evening.

Sienna snuggled into Bryce’s side, tucking her legs underneath her. Bryce wrapped his arms around her and held her close, kissing her temple. “Can I get you anything?” he asked.

“Uh uh,” she replied, “Just you.”

Smiling, the two of them held each other close in a comfortable silence. After a moment, Sienna tucked her face into Bryce’s neck and began peppering gentle kisses along it, towards his face. As she reached his cheek, Bryce turned his face and met her lips with his, kissing her slowly and languidly.

Sienna cupped his face with one of her hands as the kiss began to grow in intensity, Bryce’s arms tightening around her midsection and pulling her closer. Bryce’s tongue slipped into her mouth as he savored the taste of wine still on her tongue. Sienna lifted herself up and straddled his lap as her fingers ran through his hair, their lips never parting.

Bryce’s hands slipped under her skirt and tightened around her thighs with the intention of picking her up and carrying her to the bedroom, when the lock in the front door clicked.

Sienna jumped in surprise and nearly flew off of Bryce’s lap, putting several feet of distance between the two of them. She blushed and gave him an apologetic smile as the door opened and Keikei walked into the apartment.

Bryce silently cursed his sister’s appearance and made quick work to cross his legs, hiding the uncomfortable tightness of his pants. “Keikei. What are you doing here? I thought you were in Martha’s Vineyard?”

Keikei sighed and dropped her keys in a nearby bowl next to the front door. “I was. Then Marie got sick and we had to call the trip early. Being on the beach isn’t as fun when one of your friends is running a 100 degree fever.”

“Is she okay?” Sienna asked, regaining her composure.

Keikei nodded. “Yeah, she’ll be fine. She took some meds and slept most of the drive back.”

Bryce frowned. “Sorry your trip was cancelled early, Keiks.”

She shrugged. “It is what it is. What about you two? You had a party tonight, right? How’d it go?”

“Good,” Sienna answered, blushing again.

“You okay, Sienna? You look flushed,” Keikei asked.

Sienna nodded. “Yes, I’m fine. Though, I might have a few too many glasses of wine at the party. If you’ll excuse me for a minute.” She quickly made her way into Bryce’s bedroom and closed the door behind her, leaving the Lahela siblings alone.

Keikei looked after her for a moment then shrugged, swinging her bag over her shoulder. “Well, I’m in desperate need of a shower and then I’m going to bed. Night, Bryce!”

“Goodnight,” he replied. He waited until Keikei closed the door to her bedroom before adjusting himself and standing, following Sienna’s path to his own room. “Si?” He asked, knocking gently on the door. “Can I come in?”

“Yeah,” came her reply.

Entering the room, Bryce found Sienna sitting on his bed, legs tucked underneath her. He smiled and sat down next to her. “Hey.”

“Hi.”

“Listen, I’m sorry if things got a little intense before. I should have asked what you wanted and—”

Sienna shook her head and cut him off. “You have nothing to be sorry for, Bryce. I— I wanted things to keep going. I just— I’m sorry for panicking when Keikei walked in. It was a weird reflex.”

He chuckled. “No, it wasn’t. The last thing I want my sister to see is what we were doing so you made the right call.”

She giggled and laced her fingers with his. “I guess we’ll have to pick up where we left off another time. Preferably without your sister in the next room.”

“Agreed,” he nodded, smiling. “But you’re welcome to stay the night, if you’d like? I have some spare clothes you can borrow.”

“You don’t mind?” She asked.

Bryce leaned over and kissed her softly. “I would love it.”

Sienna smiled and nodded. “Okay.”

Quickly changing and getting comfortable, the two of them snuggled up into Bryce’s bed, and fell asleep in each other’s arms.

A/N: This kind of took a weird turn but I hope you liked it anyway.

Tagging separately.

[eleanorbloom]

Marry My Lover (Bryce x Eleanor Proposal Headcanon)

A/N: Well, I thought I wouldn't do it because I was too invested with this fic, but I've been thinking adult life is so fucking hard that maybe I'll never find the time and inspo to finish this fic, so... well, why not realease it to the world as headcanon/very-poorly-written-fic. If later I find the inspo, maybe I'll write it, maybe not, but I think posting this will lift a heavy weight off me.

Please forgive me my grammar mistakes and poor english, I mean, I know it's not poor, but I went really basic here, other way I would've never finished writing this lol

Tagging my WYR readers, in case you're interested in reading this @curiousconch @romereadingshop @utterlyinevitable @lahellacute @chocopeppermintcake

Also this is sumbission for @openheartfanfics Weekly Trope Challenge, week 2: Weddings & Proposals (@openheartheadcanons)

Marry My Lover

Bryce had wanted to propose to Eleanor for a while, considering both spontaneous and prepared ways to do it.

One of the first ideas was proposing on a visit to the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum, as it was the place of their first date. But none of their shifts let them assist for a couple of weeks, so he decided to look for something less complicated.

As he saw their annual meeting with the gang was coming, he decided he would propose on that occasion. Surrounded by friends, the people who helped them get together and supported them in the most difficult times both personally and as a couple.

So he would propose at Donahue’s. With a song, no less. Marry Me by Bruno Mars. A cheerful song, Eleanor loved Bruno Mars and simply matched with the tone he wanted to have on the proposal. Happy and spectacular. He wanted to make her feel the luckiest, most loved woman on earth.

So when he decided what he would do, he shared the news with Sienna so she could help him orchestrate the event. He would arrive a bit later than Eleanor, Sienna would keep her distracted, and then whoop, Bryce would appear at the center of the bar singing the song.

On the day of the meeting, Bryce was in the locker room when he received a text from Sienna: “All set, B! We’re waiting for you”. He breathed deeply, excited and a bit nervous at the same time.

They had talked about marriage, about a life together thousands of times, but it was different just taking the step and doing it, of proposing marriage. Marriage. Damn.

But at the same time, it was just a confirmation of the love they had for each other. Their love that had grown exponentially, to unknown highs and depths in the three years they had been together, and he was sure that their love would keep growing and getting stronger with each day.

After getting ready, he texted Keiki: “Hey Keiks, are you there already?” “Oh, yeah, hidden in the parking lot, super spy.” “Awesome, I’m coming out of the locker room I’ll be there in five” “Okay”

Bryce didn’t want her to miss it for the world. Keiki would kill him if he let that happen. Luckily for both Bryce and Keiki, she was studying close to home, more than close. Cambridge. BS in Physics at MIT, so as she was living just a few minutes away from Boston, they saw each other pretty regularly, once a week or once every two weeks depending on how busy the three were.

Keiki was excited about it, but there was just this strange smirk on her. Bryce thought it was just the fact that her brother would propose to Eleanor at last.

Once at the bar, he greeted their friends, Elijah, coming from Chicago, Jackie, from Baltimore, and Sienna coming from New York. Aurora was the only one living in Boston, working at Brigham and Women’s Hospital as attending and part of the new Diagnostic Team there.

Everyone was happy but at the same time with this strange smirk, like they were hiding something.

“And Elle?” he asked.

A few moments after the question was made, a guitar started to play. He looked at the center of the bar, and found Eleanor, on a yellow dress, and matched hatband playing guitar and singing: We could leave the Christmas lights up 'til January And this is our place, we make the rules And there's a dazzling haze, a mysterious way about you, dear Have I known you twenty seconds or twenty years?

Bryce couldn’t believe his eyes. His ears. His skin. How a shiver ran down his spine, making tingle every inch of him; how his stomach fluttered at the sight of her there, beautiful and singing and… Surprising him.

It was Lover by Taylor Swift, because, how not, his girlfriend was a Swiftie since High School, so once a Swiftie, always a Swiftie.

Bryce knew almost every song of the last two albums she had released in the last couple of years because they had blasted the speakers of their home for weeks. Can I go where you go? Can we always be this close? Forever and ever, ah Take me out, and take me home You're my, my, my, my lover

After singing the chorus, Eleanor handed the guitar to Rafael, who continued with the melody, and took the mic in one hand, singing the second verse as she started walking slowly towards him. We could let our friends crash in the living room This is our place, we make the call She took his hand on hers and softly pulled him to the center of the bar

And when Eleanor sang “And I'm highly suspicious that everyone who sees you wants you”, both chuckled knowingly, because they knew how true that was, wherever he goes, he enchants.

I've loved you three summers now, honey, but I want 'em all

It had been three summers indeed and nor he or she couldn’t imagine a summer without each other.

Eleanor kept singing, every word with meaning, it was like the song was written for them, especially “I take this magnetic force of a man to be my lover” Because who else on this planet was a magnetic force but him?

Bryce was beaming the whole song, smiling, laughing, biting his lip, showing how happy, flattered, incredulous and in love he was.

He couldn’t believe his luck. To this day, after more than three years, sometimes he still couldn’t believe he had the chance to love so much and be so loved. So happy, so free, so understood. And he would probably live this luck, this love, forever and ever with her.

When the song ended, Eleanor took out something from the pocket of her yellow dress. A velvet box. When she opened it, a silver ring with a diamond at the center shined under the multicolor lights of the bar. Eleanor took his hand in hers and kissed his knuckles softly before asking: “Bryce Lahela, mi amor, we both know we want to spend the rest of our lives together. In these three years you have made me nothing but happy. The happiest luckiest woman alive. I want that for the rest of our lives. Would you marry me?”

“Yes,” he said, eyes sparkling, shining so bright with emotions, with love, with adoration, with happiness, “Yes, babe, yes! The only thing I want is to spend the rest of my life with you!”

Everyone cheered, Sienna was crying, Kyra too, and even Keiki had shed a tear.

Eleanor put a ring on his finger and both kissed sweetly in the middle of the bar.

After a few moments, Bryce kissed her hand and chuckled, “Well, now it’s my turn.”

Eleanor stared confused at him, and when she heard him shouting “Música maestro!” she understood.

Eleanor couldn't believe it either. When the notes of Marry Me by Bruno Mars started playing, she covered her mouth with her hands just like Cecilia Bolocco when she won Miss Universe in 1986. “No way, love!” she squealed.

After a few verses, Bryce took her hand and turned her to the wall, where a video was playing. Videos of colleagues, nurses, even patients, with thumbs up singing along “Don't say no, no, no, no, no, Just say yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah” Then, her parents showed up in the video, beaming as they sang along too. Even her grandparents from Chile, Ricardo and Ofelia, appeared in the video asking the same.” “Oh my god,” Eleanor couldn't hold it anymore and simply let the tears fall. Tears of joy, of happiness.

Then Bryce started to walk around the bar, singing with a persuasive tone, asking the patrons to join him in his singing, as if he had to convince her to marry him. Friendly patrons would nod and show their thumbs up and sing along for a couple of seconds.

Once the song ended, Bryce bend on one knee and took the velvet box out of the pocket of his pants, where a beautiful rose gold ring was there, with a round diamond at the center and smaller at the sides. “Well, you won me. This was my idea too, but you were faster, or maybe you had friends who took your side and decided to help you instead of me.” Everyone chuckled. “Or maybe she just asked before you did,” Jackie teased. “Either way, I’m honored and flattered, but I couldn’t miss the opportunity to propose to you. I mean, I’ve dreamed about this day practically since I met you.” “Awww, mi amor.” “I want all summers with you and all winters, especially winters so you can keep me warm on snowy nights.” Eleanor giggled, her eyes full of tenderness, “Of course, my love. Summer, fall, winter, spring, all of the seasons and all of the years I have left on this planet.” “Good. And you, Eleanor Andrea Bloom, would you marry me?” “Yes, my love, mi amor, sí, sí, yes!” Bryce put the ring on her finger, and again, people cheered and clapped. Keiki and Jackie whistled.

When Bryce and Eleanor got off the stage, the gang approached them, filling them with congratulations and hugs, and just love for the happy, recently-engaged couple. they disclosed how everything had happened -Eleanor indeed had asked help first, she had been practicing guitar for more than a month with the help of Rafael.

After a while, Bryce took Eleanor’s hand and led her to a quiet place so they could have a moment for themselves. They smiled and laughed without saying anything, still processing what had happened and trying to understand the happiness they were feeling. their hearts were simply overflowing with happiness and love. “You know? I can say people, mostly women, have asked me a lot of things in my life, some of them shocking, some of them rather cute, but never had a woman proposing to me, so this is a first. You're definitely a keeper.” “Oh, that's why you're agreeing to marry me?” she asked, feigning offense. “One of the four hundred million reasons, babe.” Eleanor smiled pensively, earnest, “You deserve everything, my love, everything. And that includes being proposed, because, damn, we’re too far from gender stereotypes and toxic masculinity.” “I agree.” “And because I really wanted you to know that I wanna marry you, and spend the rest of my life with you, just as much as you do.”

Completely spellbound by the sincerity of her love, now and always, Bryce simply bit his lip and leaned to plant a sweet kiss on her lips.

There was nothing else to do but be happy.

____

Ps: Here pics of Bryce and Eleanor engagement rings. I had the idea of a collage, but it would've also taken me a day to finish it, lol sorry

Thank you for reading! ❤

[storyofmychoices]

A Very Lahela Christmas: Kanaka Hau

[Bryce Lahela x Olivia Hadley Masterlist]

Characters: Bryce Lahela, Keiki Lahela Book: (pre) Open Heart Word Count:  <1,000 Prompts: @choicesmonthlychallenge #siblings ; @choicesdecemberchallenge decorations

Summary: In a prequel to Open Heart, Bryce and Keiki spend an afternoon together celebrating the holiday. *family fluff* Kanaka Hau means ‘snowman’ in Hawaiian.

☆  ☆  ☆  ☆   ☆   ☆   ☆

The warm rays of the midday sun danced across his smooth, honey-golden skin. He basked in the heat of its glow, letting it settle deep into his core. 

“You coming, Lahela?” a call came from down the shore. A group of teenagers chatted away, surfboards grasped under their arms. 

Bryce drew in a long breath. The salty scent of the sea lingered in his lungs before he answered. “Not today,” he offered reluctantly. “Maybe tomorrow.”

Before he had time to listen for his friend’s reply, a tug on his arm by an exuberant almost-four-year-old demanded his attention. 

“Bryce! Bryce! Bryce! Let’s go!” 

The young girl was no match for her older brother, but she still dug in her heels, attempting to pull him forward. The determination on her innocent face drew a laugh from him. 

“Okay, Keiks! I’m coming!” 

Bryce resigned himself to being dragged after his sister, carrying a tote with shovels and pails in his alternate hand. 

“What about here?” 

“Hmm,” Bryce pondered, watching her excited eyes grow wider. His large hands patted her head, tousling her dark wavy hair. “I think it’s perfect.”

Bryce set the tote down and knelt nearby. He sifted his hands through the cool sand. “Feel it,” he instructed his sister. “Feel how it’s cooler than the sand we walked through. But not as squishy as the sand closer to the water. This sand is just wet enough. When you build something, you want to make sure your sand isn’t too wet or dry.”

Keiki gave little consideration to her brother’s words, hastily grabbing the first shovel and pail she saw. She plopped down beside him; her little legs sprawling out in front of her. Using two hands, she grasped the tiny shovel and dug down, scooping sand into her bucket. 

Following her lead, Bryce filled his own pail, packing it down. He was careful to fill it completely and tightly to ensure the structure would be strong and maintain its form. Steadily, he flipped the container on its head, patting the sides and top to help free the sand structure within.

Once her pail was equally as full, Keiki stood to get into a better position to flip hers. Some of the sand spilled out as she pushed the bucket on its side before flipping it upside down. With one grand gesture, she pulled the container away, expecting a perfectly sculpted shape, but instead, found a messy pile. Her feet stamped in the sand, tears threatening to spill from her eyes in disappointment. 

“Hey, Keiki. It’s alright. Come here.” He held out his hand for his sister. She folded her arms across her chest and shook her head, sniffling back her sadness. “I could use your help.” He patted the top of the bucket again. 

Intrigued by the sound, she drifted closer, moving to the rhythm he was creating. 

“You like that?” He smiled, watching her body twist. He drummed a more consistent rhythm on the pail, watching as the light returned to her eyes as she danced to the beat. Soon the salty tears were a distant memory and her laughter was all that remained. 

When she had completely calmed down, he pulled his container away, revealing a perfectly sturdy structure. He gave it one look before knocking it over to Keiki’s delight. “I like your way better. Let’s start by just making a big mountain of sand. Do you think you can do that?”

She nodded excitedly and began pushing the sand around her toward the center where their combined piles now mixed. Together, they worked to create a sand mountain as tall as Keiki. 

“I think that will do it.”

“That will do,” Keiki repeated, nodding in agreement. 

Bryce knelt beside his sister. “Can I give you a really important job? I need you to pat the sand gently to make it smooth and harder.” He modeled slowly so she could watch. “Then, I will start sculpting it. We’re a team, Keiks!”

She got to work immediately, smoothing and packing down the sand. Bryce’s practiced hands slid gracefully across the cool sand, molding and carving as he went. He created two creases, which he then rounded on either side of the line, creating the illusion of three, round, oval shapes. 

Keiki bounced in her step, watching as her snowman came to life. 

“Do you have the pebbles and shells we collected?”

“Right here,” she ran to grab the bag in which they had put their decorations. She pulled out the shells first. 

Bryce created three small impressions going down the center of the second oval. “Place one shell on each of these. But be careful, don’t press too hard.”

She followed his directions, adding the shells, then the pebbles for his eyes and mouth. He carefully stuck the two sticks they had collected on either side for the arms and added a red Santa hat on top. 

“Now, the carrot!” She cheered, holding it up as if she were ready to stab the sand sculpture with it.

“Let’s do that one together,” Bryce suggested, not wanting her to be too forceful. She might be little, but she was mighty. He guided her movements as they positioned the carrot at the center of the top oval.

“He’s perfect.” Keiki threw her arms around the sand structure. Bryce flinched, instinctively closing his eyes, half expecting it to crumble under her adoration, but the sand snowman stood firmly. “I love you, Mr. Snowman!” 

Without warning, she flung herself at her brother, wrapping her arms around him. “I love you, Bryce! Thank you!”

“You got it, Keiks!” He pulled her closer. The sun was nothing compared to the warmth and comfort of her embrace. “I love you, too.”

☆  ☆  ☆  ☆   ☆   ☆   ☆

A/N: In my head, I’m going to write a series of ficlets/drabbles (at least 3) for a Lahela Christmas, but my brain doesn’t always cooperate and let me write (at least recently), so here is to hoping!  🤞

Perma tags: @lilyoffandoms ; @raleighcarrera ; @mfackenthal ; @the-soot-sprite ; @virtuallytakenby​ ; @zeniamiii ; @whimsicallywayward15; ; @xjustin-ethansgirliex ; @caseyvalentineramsey; @trappedinfanfiction; @anotherbeingsworld ;  @tyrils-star​​ ; @nikki-2406; @princess-geek ;  @katrinegrey ; @lucy-268 ; @gardeningourmet

Bryce //  Open Heart Tags:  @thearianam  ; @burnsoslow​ ; @mvalentine​  ; @rookie-ramsey​ ; @missmiimiie;; @jamespotterthefirst ; @adrianadmirer ; @bitchloveskcbaseball ; @nyastarlight ; @doriansapprentice ; @brycesgirl; @bratzlahela; @loveellamae 

[thepeonysbackup]

We've all been there:

[browneyedmissy]

Keiki In Real Life

Story Summary: Her brother was essentially a stranger to her and the prospect of meeting the people most important to him intimidated the hell out of her.

Chapter Summary: Keiki meets her brother’s girlfriend Casey and wonders whether she made a mistake coming to Boston.

Author’s Note: Oh god this has been in my drafts... since June. Which might have been around the time that Keiki was introduced? I think I mostly like this. I’ve been in such a dry spell when it comes to writing and stories that I just needed to finish something so if you see me using the same words a few times whooooooooooops. I swear there was a post that inspired this somewhere and if I find it I’ll link it!

I’m sneaking a recommendation in here, go read Estelle’s social media AU because it is literally the best serotonin right now.

The first time she met her brother's girlfriend, she learned a few... things about Bryce’s sex life she'd rather not know.

The girlfriend was cute, Keiki observed as she gave her a once over. Soft, wavy brown hair pulled up in a ponytail, warm brown eyes and little dimples that framed her smile.

She also at least had the decency to look a little embarrassed but before either of them could say anything they heard Bryce's voice as he came through the elevator with an armful of groceries.

"Keiki," Bryce said in an exasperated tone, "What did I tell you about-"

He froze when he recognized the girl talking to his sister and he dropped his groceries.

"Case, aww shi- I mean shoot."

Keiki rolled her eyes. "You know, I'm sixteen. I know a lot of curse words by now. In fact-"

"Keiki." He shot her a warning glance before his eyes settled back on the other girl. He shifted back and forth on his feet, a trait he used to do when they were young, Keiki observed. "This is my girlfriend, Casey. Casey, this is my sister, who is going to go inside for a moment.”

Keik glanced at Casey who couldn’t mask the surprise on her face. Bryce hadn’t told Casey about her, Keiki noted. A small part of her wanted to open her mouth and talk back but Casey seemed nice enough.

"Fineeeee." She sighed, drawing out the last syllable. She closed the door behind her, the sounds of her brother and his girlfriend's voices, muffled through the door. She caught her name a few times and she shut her eyes for a moment, wondering whether coming to see her brother was the right thing to do. 

She had just settled herself into a show on the television when Bryce and Casey came back inside.

"Keiki, Casey's going to stay for dinner." He announced, sending his girlfriend a grateful look.

"Good, that means less chance of the apartment burning down." Keiki retorted. She watched as Bryce’s eyes narrowed for a second and prepared herself for an argument. They hadn’t spoken much since she had gotten there and she didn’t know why she felt the need to be so mean to him.

Before he could say anything, Casey interrupted.

“Come on Bryce, you can help me in the kitchen.” She glanced at the groceries that Bryce had bought. “Keiki, is pasta okay?”

“That’s fine.” Keiki replied, holding her brother’s eyes for a moment before turning back to the TV.

"What can I do, chief?"

"Chop and sauté the vegetables." She directed as she found his pots and pans.

There was a silence from the kitchen and Keiki heard Casey try to hide a cough at Bryce's lack of response.

"Where'd I lose you, babe?"

"Sauté." Her brother said sheepishly.

Keiki snorted from her spot on the couch and stretched out. "How'd you get through college?"

"Dining hall and take out. The Thai place down the street loves me." Her brother shrugged.

Casey glanced over Keiki’s way, giving her a thoughtful expression. “Keiki, will you take over for your brother? Bryce, can you boil the water for the pasta?"

"Oh, that I can do." Bryce grinned as he pressed a kiss to Casey's cheek. Keiki glanced at the TV, suddenly not interested anymore and made her way to the kitchen.

As Keiki stood at the cutting board and watched her brother, she noticed how much more relaxed he was. His smile when he had been in high school had always been over polite as if everything he did was on display. His brow had been furrowed most of the time when she saw him at home, in between his shifts at the hospital as if he didn’t know what to do with her.

But Casey- he looked at her with bright eyes and a perpetual grin on his face. Keiki couldn't remember the girls he had dated but it was as if every bit of him was drawn to her.

She felt her heart suddenly twist as panic began to fill her. Bryce didn’t need her here. He certainly didn’t want her here, not when he had pretty Casey who moved through his kitchen as if she knew it like the back of her hand. She wasn’t sure what she wanted or what answers she was looking for when she had bought her ticket, just that she needed to get out of the house.

“Keiki?” She blinked as Casey came into focus. Bryce had started setting up the table and Keiki had been blankly stirring the pasta sauce. “I think the sauce is ready, if you want to eat.”

“Uhh, yeah.” Keiki frowned, trying to collect her thoughts. “I, uh…”

“Hey.” She felt a warmth on her shoulder and she looked up into Casey’s kind eyes. “There’s more time to talk later, okay? For now, let’s have dinner.”

-

After dinner, she had claimed fatigue after dinner, still feeling unsettled. She wasn’t ready to talk, wasn’t ready to put words to how she felt, standing in the kitchen and Casey and Bryce hadn’t stopped her.

But Keiki hadn’t adjusted to the time change yet and some nights, especially when Bryce was at work, she would just lay in bed, listening to the sounds of the city. She glanced at her phone, 3AM blaring back at her in white light.

Keiki groaned and crept quietly to the door.

She had stepped into the kitchen and was reaching into the cabinet to get herself a glass for water when she heard a sound. She jumped around to see that Casey had stayed and she and her brother were fast asleep on the couch. They both didn't quite fit but despite that Bryce had an arm wrapped around her middle and their breathing was soft and peaceful. Keiki watched as her brother shifted and nestled himself closer into Casey before his breathing evened out again. He had a smile on his face, even while he was asleep and he just seemed to be... content.

Keiki blinked, suddenly feeling dampness at her eyes.

The selfish part of her was angry. She was angry that her brother was able to move on so easily to this life without her where he had a pretty girlfriend and didn't have to spare a thought for their parents- or for her. She could have screamed all of the feelings of abandonment and neglect that she felt but couldn’t explain while he played house in Boston.

And the other part of her wanted to be happy for him. He was lighter and more carefree than he ever was in even her rose-colored memories. These moments were saved for Casey and that peace he felt was something she yearned for.

She didn’t belong in Hawaii with her classmates that hated her and her parents that controlled every part of her life. She certainly didn’t belong here in this apartment with her successful surgeon brother and his new life.

Abandoning her water, she quietly crept back into the bed, staring at the shadows on the ceiling until sleep finally claimed her.

[terrm9]

CHAPTER 8 - Closure

Never in her life would Chiara expect to find herself getting ready for engagement party of Harper Emery, of all people. But alas, neither would she think that her biggest accessory to the said party would be a wooden cane and yet here she was.

She felt equally nervous and excited about both, the process of getting ready and also the fact that after almost three months, she was going to spend the whole evening in the company of so many people. Considering the fact that Decembers in Boston were disgustingly cold compared to those back in San Francisco, Chiara decided not to test her own ability to not to freeze in the tiny, back cut out navy blue dress she wanted to wear initially, instead reaching for tight, long sleeved emerald green ones. She also succumbed the idea of wearing a thigh high boots, since she still needed to use a cane in spite of walking steadily. She grabbed the pair of black Doc Martens instead, put her hair into purposefully messy bun and stepped into the living room, where Sienna and Jackie were already waiting for her.

“Look at yourself!” Sienna smiled widely when she first noticed her. “Ready to blow some minds tonight?”

“Please, Sienna,” Chiara laughed shortly. “It just felt nice to put some make up on after such long time.”

“Well, you definitely dress to impress, Chiaris,” Jackie nodded, grinning. “I personally prefer undressing to impress, however. Is Lahela joining us?”

Chiara shook her head, going through her purse once again, making sure she wasn’t forgetting anything and without looking up, she shrugged: “He decided to spend tonight with Keiki.”

It was only a half truth. He was spending his night with Keike, but also with Kyra, who wasn’t feeling very well and wouldn’t really enjoy an evening spent at a party. The something going on between Bryce and Kyra, whatever it was, wasn’t exactly top secret, but Chiara knew that Bryce hasn’t told anyone about them yet and she didn’t feel like she should just spill it now.

“Whatever. Aurora is already there and she just texted me saying that the place is full of old doctors and even older teachers, so we really need to hurry up and get drunk with her.”

Sienna grabbed her coat and looked at Chiara, her face concerned.

“Are you sure you want to take the T, Chiara? We can always call a cab.”

“Thanks, Si, but I really want to take the T. I am going back to work in two days, remember? I kinda have to handle the basic life at this point.”

˜

It only took them about 20 minutes to get to the place where the party has been held and it was only when Chiara stepped through the main door that she fully realized that she would probably be meeting Ethan tonight.

Before she could drown herself in the sea of panic, nervousness, doubt and even sadness, she almost got crushed in a hug.

“Chiara, it’s so good to see you! We are all so, so happy that you are getting back!”

Chiara had to take two steps back and blink several times to match the face to the voice and the arms around her.

“Ines,” she smiled wholeheartedly. “I am the happy one. I missed you all. Yep, even you, Zaid,” she laughed as she noticed the older doctor to roll his eyes at the sentimental scene in front of him.

“I haven’t missed you at all, Ray,” he responded without missing a beat. “But I am glad to see that you are doing well.”

He took a sip of his drink and returned to the conversation he had with Ines before and as hard as he tried to look casual, Chiara knew very well that he just told her he actually did miss her.

˜

Ethan Ramsey was sitting at the bar, watching the crowd of people that all came to celebrate the happy couple. He really wanted to go home already, not feeling any of the happy vibes reaching him. The picture of scotch, book and comfort of his bed, was enough for him to dream about leaving, however he couldn’t bring himself to actually do so. It wouldn’t be impolite towards Harper and her fiancé, as he already congratulated them and the speeches were told and nobody really cared about the grumpy doctor at the bar. He stayed because he believed he’d see Chiara somewhere among the crowd, he hoped to at least catch a glimpse of her. Two hours ago, Ethan spotted Dr. Varma dancing with Aurora Emery and so he expected to see Chiara nearby, but two long hours have passed and she was nowhere to be found.

Just as he started to concede the possibility of her not coming to the party, the familiar voice behind his back startled him. He turned around abruptly on his bar stool and suddenly found himself staring in those beautiful green eyes, the eyes that were wide with surprise as they stared back at him.

“Chia- um, Dr. Ray. Nice to see you,” he nodded towards her, remembering her wish to keep things professional.

“Hi, Ethan,” she smiled softly as she grabbed the glass of wine she ordered and his shoulders visibly relaxed when she called him by his first name.

Chiara wished to go home. As happy as she was for Dr. Emery and Mr. Banks, she felt her legs slightly trembling after the pressure she kept putting on them for the last three hours and her head was hurting. Clearly, she was overwhelmed by all the noises and fellow doctors wanting to talk to her and foreign teachers asking her how did she – so young and beautiful – ended up with a cane. All she dreamed about was her bed and medical journal and some lovely, slow, silent music in the background. Sienna promised to take her home anytime she wanted but seeing how much she was enjoying her time with Danny on the dance floor, Chiara couldn’t bring herself to ask her to leave. And so, she decided to at least order a glass of wine and just observe the others from a corner of the room.

The possibility of meeting Ethan at the bar hasn’t crossed her mind even once, when really it was the only place she could imagine him spending the night at.

He looked as handsome as ever and it took Chiara by surprise. She believed she could face him and maintain the cold distance she decided to put between them this time. She wasn’t prepared for him, dressed in black button up shirt and black pants, to look so unfairly awesome.

“You look like you are attending a funeral,” she blurted out, trying to save herself from telling him how attractive he looked.

“I hate parties almost equally much,” Ethan replied, observing her from head to toes, admiring her beauty. Her cheeks were blushed pink, few strands of her hair sticking out of her bun, the dress flattering both, her figure and her complexion.

You look so beautifully alive, Rookie.

“Why are you here then?”

“Because I respect Harper and, as much as it may surprise you, I am sincerely happy for her to find the right man. Well, I would definitely be happier if the amount of “darlings” and “sweethearts” in their speeches was radically decreased, but nonetheless, I am happy for them.”

Chiara, despite trying to keep her expression cool and distant, had to laugh at the dissatisfied expression on his face as he said the words darlings and sweethearts.

“You hate nicknames in relationship. Obviously.”

“Yes, obviously,” he repeated. “I mean, they have their names for a reason.”

“But you call me Rookie,” the pointed out, sipping slowly on her wine.

Ethan’s expression softened immediately, remembering the first time he called her so.

“I called you Rookie on your first day in hospital, because I didn’t know your real name back then. That’s the difference. These two, I mean, Harper and Thomas are pretty decent names, why can’t they just use them?”

Ignoring his rage about Harper and Thomas not using their actual names, Chiara couldn’t help but tease him.

“Yeah, you didn’t know my name back then, but now you do, and you still call me Rookie. So I guess the nicknames are not all that bad.”

His cheeks blushed in dark pink colour as he realized that she was indeed right. He gave her a nickname and they both grew so fond of it, that he didn’t want to stop calling her that.

Clearing his throat, Ethan decided to change the topic before they would tangle themselves too deep in the memories and therefore regrets.

“So, have have you been doing?”

Chiara wasn’t looking at him as she answered: “I like to think that I am doing fine”

“What exactly does that mean?”

She shrugged, not really wanting to elaborate. She only wanted to talk to him about work and the money she owed him, the concept of the “how-has-life-been-lately” talk not fitting into her plan.

“My back doesn’t hurt much anymore, only when I stand for too long or sleep on one side for too long. The legs are fine, except the stability in my left leg – I don’t trust myself with it enough, I guess. That’s why I’ll have to use this little friend of mine-” she chuckled as she lifted her wooden cane up, “-a little bit longer than I initially expected. Other than that, I am totally fine.”

“And the nightmares?” he couldn’t help but ask, noticing the dark circles under her eyes.

“Manageable,” Chiara responded way too quickly and before he could accuse her of lying, she changed the topic. “Honestly, I think I should be the one to ask you if you were okay. I mean, this is 16 ounces glass you are holding in your hand and it’s filled with pure liquid. So you’re either drinking insufferably huge amount of vodka or you are drinking water, which in your case, is just as weird. Are you sick or something?”

Ethan couldn’t suppress his laugh anymore, hearing Chiara like that reminding him all the conversations they had while she was in the hospital.

“It’s water, which, for the record, I drink quite often, since as a doctor I know how important it is. And as much as I’d prefer whiskey tonight, I came here by car. Therefore, I just have to stick with the water until I get home.”

Chiara laughed at the tone of his voice, indicating just how very much he already wished to be home with a glass of said whiskey in his hand.

It was Ethan’s turn to observe the crowd, not knowing if Chiara still insisted on keeping their distance or if he could finally talk to her about all those things he wanted to talk to her about.

Chiara’s whole chest was tight, and she felt her heart breaking all over again at the sight of him. She missed him so much and she wanted to forget all the hurt he caused her and all the trust issues she’s had, because this light conversation they just managed to have, that was her relationship with Ethan. Laughs and teasing and caring for each other. For him to hate sweet couple nicknames and for her to tease him about not drinking alcohol in the middle of the party, it simply felt so natural.

This is who we are. This is what we could be if only he could stop leaving me in the dark. If only I could trust him.

The tears threatened to fall out of her eyes and she was thankful for the fact that Ethan wasn’t looking at her. She quickly blinked them away and took a deep breath before speaking again.

“I was actually hoping to talk to you?”

Ethan’s head snapped back at her, his expression surprised and also somehow… pleased?

“You were?”

“I wanted to let you know that I am officially getting back to work on Monday. I missed a lot, so if you have some work for me to catch up, you can send it and I’ll get through everything until then.”

“Please, Chiara,” he smiled softly at her, falling for her even deeper at those words, seeing how dedicated she was. “You’ll catch up just fine on Monday. Enjoy these two free days, the work will wait for you.”

“As you wish,” she shrugged, knowing better than to try to persuade him. “I also wanted to let you know that I haven’t forgotten about the rents you paid for me and as soon as I am back to work, I will pay everything back. Just give me another week or so, please.”

Ethan didn’t want her to pay him back. He didn’t miss the money and the fact that he could do at least something for her made him feel good. But just as Chiara knew about his stubbornness, Ethan knew about hers and so he knew that when Chiara Ray made her mind about something, there was no point in persuading her otherwise.

He was about to nod when he noticed Chiara wincing in pain and gently massaging her lower back.

“So much about no back pains,” he frowned. “Don’t you want to go home?”

“I’d really like to, but I am forbidden to go home without Sienna’s supervision, and she is having such a great time. I don’t want to make her leave, so I guess I’ll just drink wine until she decides to go home.”

“I was about to leave. I can take you,” Ethan offered without a second of hesitation.

She knew she shouldn’t accept. She knew that it was her idea to keep a distance and that stepping into Ethan’s car would ruin her dedication to maintain it. But in this moment, she also knew they both deserved a closure, the talk about them. The talk where both sides could talk and explain.

She hoped for them to be best friends again.

Chiara missed Ethan.

“Okay,” she nodded. “Let me just text Sienna. You can go first and I’ll follow you in a few minutes, so that people don’t talk about us leaving together.”

“Please,” he laughed loudly, for the first time in the evening. “People already are talking about us.”

“What?” she gasped, eyes wide with shock.

“I think it started at the softball game, when I’ve gotten a little bit too protective over you. That and the fact that not once in my eleven years at Edenbrook I attended a softball game. Until you asked me to play,” he chuckled, but after a brief moment his expression hardened. “And well, my, uh… breakdown in the E.R. after your accident, my visits by your bedside, I guess all of those things sparked the rumors.”

Not sure if she felt more amused or embarrassed, Chiara sent a quick text to Sienna, explaining that Dr. Terminator would give her a ride home and after putting her phone back to the purse, she grinned at Ethan: “Let’s give them something fresh then, shall we?”

Ethan put his hand at her lower back lightly and with a smug smile on his face lead her out of the party neither of them wanted to attend in the first place.

˜

The car ride was peaceful, Boston streets unusually quiet and empty, fresh snow reflecting the streetlights, making the street look brighter than it really was.

Ethan was being extremely careful to make sure the ride was smooth, not braking abruptly, not taking sharp turns. As okay as Chiara pretended to be, he was a doctor after all, and he knew that dealing with trauma came in waves. That anything could trigger a bad memory back.

His thoughts were disturbed by a sudden cry coming from Chiara’s mouth.

“Ethan, stop!”

He slammed the brakes, sighing with relief when he made sure that there was no car following them, as his sudden braking would definitely cause a crash. He turned to Chiara startled and despite wanting to respect her wishes, he reached for her hand.

“What is it, Chiara?”

“I am sorry,” she whispered, her voice shaking. “I just felt like the opposite car was about to crash into us.”

At this point, her whole body was trembling, her breaths short and shallow. She was at the beginning of hyperventilation, her face ghostly pale.

“Just let me park and we can step out of the car, okay? We’ll catch some fresh air and everything will be alright,” Ethan squeezed her hand and slowly pulled out, parking the car by the carb as soon as he could. Turning the engine off, his whole figure turned towards Chiara.

“You haven’t been in car since the accident?”

After taking a few deep breaths to steady her senses, Chiara look at Ethan and with a weak voice, she replied: “Only once, when Bryce drove me home from the hospital. But that was at the noon and I could see the whole car on the opposite side of road. I could see that the car was in its own lane, I could even see the driver. But now it’s night and it’s dark and the only thing I see are the two front lights getting closer and closer and…” she trailed off, not able to finish the sentence as her lower lip was trembling again.

Ethan cupped her cheeks with his hands and with voice so soft it broke her heart, he whispered: “It’s okay, Rookie. You are okay, you are safe. We don’t have to continue, we can just sit in the car until you feel better, okay?”

She nodded, leaning into his touch as she closed her eyes. The comfortable silence in the car was only disturbed by occasional car driving by them and for the first time in almost two weeks, Chiara felt safe.

“I guess we should talk,” she muttered into his hand.

“About work? Because as I said, there’s no need-“

“About us,” she cut him off, straightening on her seat.

Ethan raised his eyebrows in surprise, but soon his expression was utterly vulnerable.

“I would like that very much. Do you want to talk here in the car? Or at your place? Of course we could go to my place, as it provides more privacy, but I am fine with whatever you want. As long as you feel comfortable,” he felt the hotness creeping on his neck, realizing very well how nervous he must’ve sounded.

“Your place sounds fine,” Chiara smiled at him, amused as she, too, realized just how nervous he suddenly was.

˜

As they stepped into Ethan’s apartment, the first thing he made sure of was that Chiara was sitting comfortably on his couch.

“Can I offer you something to drink?” he asked, making his way to the kitchen.

“I’ll have whatever you are having.”

“Uhm, I am not going to have anything, so I recommend you to change your mind.”

“You came home to have scotch.”

“Yes, but that was before I knew that you would join me. I’ll be taking you back home,” he shrugged, pouring himself another glass of water.

“I’ll just take a cab,” she rolled her eyes. “Get us both some good scotch, please.”

“There’s no way I am letting you take a cab,” he shook his head. “I promised you a drive home and I intend to give you that.”

Chiara wanted to fight him, to tell him that she was a big girl and didn’t need to be supervised all the time, but she came here to talk about them and so she let the topic of whiskey go.

“I think it’s rather fair to both of us to know where we stand, now that I’ll be back to work and things will go back to normal.”

Ethan joined her on the couch, his expression thoughtful as he kept looking not at her, rather at the coffee table. He nodded slowly and even though he realized that it was not a gentleman thing to do, he started to speak before she could say anything else.

“I am sorry, Chiara. If I am to tell you only one thing tonight, I want you to know, most of all, that I am truly and infinitely sorry for everything I’ve ever put you through. I am sorry for leaving you when you most needed me, for running away when things got hard, for pushing you away only to pull you closer. I now see just how huge coward, how huge asshole I’ve been all that time. And I know very well that one damn ‘sorry’ doesn’t make up for everything I’ve caused you to feel. But still, I am sorry.”

“You weren’t all that bad, you know,” she grinned. “I have forgiven you a long time ago, Ethan. I don’t hate you, obviously. I am not even angry. And I missed you. I mean, there’s no better target of my teasing than you, old man. What we had, while I was in the hospital, it was more than I’ve ever imagined we could be. Being close friends with internal jokes and deep talks, I miss that, Ethan, but I am so afraid to trust you, because every time things got actually good between us, you’d take a step back. So I need you to tell me what you want and once it’s said Ethan, I need you to stick to your words. No matter what.”

Ethan stood up and started to pace nervously around the living room, preparing himself to tell Chiara everything he wanted to tell her for such a long time.

“Not so long ago I told you that there was no such a thing as unconditional love or soul mates. That I am not capable of love, because I don’t believe in it in the first place. But sweet Lord, seeing you in the I.C.U. after the accident, believing that I would never see your eyes open, that I would never hear you laugh again, it made me think. And as terrible as I am at expressing my emotions and my feelings, I no longer feel that way. I know now that whatever it is that you feel for me, it’s unconditional. It must be, because otherwise you would just give up on me already. And I know that what I feel for you, whatever it is, is unconditional too.”

He took a deep breath and sat back down on the couch next to her, taking her hand into his.

“For a long time I believed that the thing I wanted the most was to have you all to myself. To selfishly call you mine. But now I know that is actually not what I want the most.”

“Oh?” she interrupted him for the first time, her expression visibly pained.

“What I want more than anything in this world is for you to be happy. You deserve the whole world Chiara and you deserve to be happy and nothing else but happy. And I know myself. I am broken man, destroyed one. Cynic. Asshole. Unable to express what he feels, enable to show affection. No matter how much I care for you, there are still men out there, that would be so much better at expressing it. Even though they wouldn’t care as much as I do, they would show you just how much they do. If we were together, we would have to keep our relationship a secret. I wouldn’t be able to take you out for a dinner, to accompany you to the parties as your plus one. You deserve so much better than me, Chiara, and I want you to have the best.”

There was a long pause after that. Chiara was staring at the wall, obviously way too deep in her thoughts, considering everything Ethan has just said. Her brows were furrowed, her fingers playing with the hem of her dress without her mind actually realizing so.

After what felt like forever, she turned to Ethan and looked straight into his eyes.

“You don’t get to decide what’s best for me, Ethan. As noble as it is, for you to want me to be happy even if it’s with someone else, if you selfishly want me all for yourself, just say it, damnit. I can decide if that’s what’s best for me.”

The fire in her eyes as she looked at him made Ethan’s throat dry. Before he could compose any meaningful sentence, Chiara added: “But remember, I need you to stand by what you say. I need you to keep your words this time, Ramsey.”

“Well, then I selfishly want you all for myself, Rookie,” he smiled at her, the fact that she didn’t retreat the hand he was holding giving him a tiny bit of hope. “And I wish I could be the one to make you happy.”

“You mean it?”

She wanted to come with a comeback, with response that would break this tense, vulnerable, raw atmosphere, yet she needed him to ensure her that he wouldn’t change his mind in the morning.

“I mean it. With all my heart, if there’s something of it left. I mean it with my whole being, Chiara. If you ever decide to give me, give us, a chance, I promise not to give up on us, not to leave, not to push you back. I can't promise you happily ever after and I can't promise to never disappoint you again, because I likely will disappoint you again. However, I can promise to learn how to change. I promise to work on the relationship harder than I’ve ever worked on my degree.”

They both laughed, knowing that such promise meant more than any other could mean.

“Well, in that case, it’s a good thing that I selfishly want you all to myself too, Dr. Ramsey,” her words almost a whisper as she let them out.

For the first time ever, their lips met in a kiss that didn’t taste like regrets, doubts and sorrow.

For the first time ever they kissed with hope and promises and happiness.

[keik-keik]

PLANTOBER # 9 PINE 🌲

Pines are so popular, that even people who do not have those plants in their vicinity do know what they do look like, thanks to them being iconic, Christmas trees.

Pine trees are broad spectrum of species, so will only gloss on most specific or well known trivia.

Name "pine" comes from Latin pinus, which may be traced to proto-indo-european languages, and means resin. Until recently, English-speaking parts of the world would call these trees firs or firre, and while English moved on, Germanic languages still use fyr, fura, vuren or Fohre to name this, hehe, branch of the Kingdom of Trees.

Yet again, pines are stalwart part of the Northern Hemisphere's biome, being once more, a well established, used, reliable, and beloved plant. Used in furniture, medicine, crafts, agricultural, ornamental or cuisine, our old friend PINE is virtually everywhere.

Trees of these species reach from slightly above 15, to staggering 80 meters! And while growing relatively fast initially, adult trees vary from century to ten centuries old specimens. Yes - pines can live for millenium. Thousand years. Oldest pine tree, Prometheus, which was aged between 4800 to over 5000 years, was growing in United States, and its cutting is explained by scientific reasons and probably erroneous decision making. Controversy of that event remain to this day. Other long-living tree, again in USA, is Methuselah, estimated to be over 4800 years old, located in The Methuselah Grove in California.

What part of pine is used, ne may ask? Well: everything! "Needle" leafs can be used as camping fire-starters, green ones can be made into "forest tea", bark can retain moisture of the garden plants or used as a mulch, or you can whittle boat out of it, fat wood or branch knots are used in bush crafting as a reliable base for starting fire, true wood can be used as a fuel, construction, flooring or furniture material, and sap can be turned into food ingredient or natural glue. Pine, due to it relative softness is also most popular starting wood type for wood sculptors. Though, due to its relative wetness and brittleness, it is not suited for more refined or delicate creations. But if you want to whittle owl, fox or make your first kuksa cup, pine will do just great! Washed onto beach roots of pine trees are often taken and used as decorative elements in homes or restaurants near sea shores. Due to "sappy", resin-rich nature of pine, parts of the plant are used into making essential oils popular in, for example but not limited to aromatherapy. And also as natural glue used in traditional art, leather work, construction or even historically accurate bows and arrows, medieval swords, and so on.

Broad range and reach of Pinus genius is also cause for pine being popular theme of many painting, illustrations and poetry. People do love, what is surrounding them and what did help to push mankind ot our modern times!

As always, thank you so much for taking a look at my art! Leaving a like, comment or sharing means a ton to me, and is more than appreciated! 🤗

Tools: pencil, ink, watercolor and watercolor crayons, white gel pen, white ink.

My socials: https://keik-keik.carrd.co

[zozammer]

Learning Learning

Trying to create some power moves in the wake of a fairly incomplete week. They’re piling up. All my incomplete tasks and unmastered lessons. Feel like shit right now. But I need to make myself feel better.

“Don’t try so hard.”

“Don’t try to be someone you’re not.”

“If you can’t do it, give up!” 

The last one is Freud.

Let me organise and list down the incomplete tasks for my readers:

1) finishing my very simple book that has been stretched for 2 months now.

2) a wedding invitation, though I’m making it right now. This has to get out.

3) Have not attended a single yoga class in the past week and the guilt is surmounting. I miss my mat, but the time isn’t right or I’m not making it right.

4) Have not gone for a swim since Tuesday and I seem to be falling back on my daily goals.

5) my drum lessons are ending with my current teacher due to personal differences. I am personally feeling a bit relieved, sad, and anxious at the same time. If I had to choose, I’d pick relieved.

I need to get better. Way better. I’m nervous and hopeful about working with a new teacher. Not enough hours in the day. Learning the drums and controlling anxiety lol. Nature clash.

6) Hunting for digs with my shoestring budget, and badgering my accountant for papers so I can get the ball rolling on my other pursuits. 

7) Giving up on RTOM Black Hole mesh heads and a Mapex Mars, and settling for a dirt cheap student band set on a resale site because adulting and priorities. Waiting out the summer since moving in to a new place is going to ching ching ka-ching the way to the not-so-full-anyway piggy.

8) My pending submission for my online class is long overdue. It’s been three days.

9) My pending office work and deliverables are due Monday. That’s actually the most important thing.

I am falling back.

... I think the termination of my drum classes really kicked it for me. I’ve been trying to train my brain and my body, but I haven’t been able to get up before sun’s out and that’s made all the difference in managing my time.

On Learning:

I am currently trying to Pay Attention.

Thoughts, desire, analysis, rumination, lethargy, fear, negativity.  

All these dull the brain. All these babies, I guilty of smoking in the past decade (no typo, that’s how I’m saying it). And now I’m trying to be a better student but it’s a bit hard remoulding a brain when you’re older (not impossible, very possible).

The pre frontal cortex needs activation. Well, a key to healthier firing and opening of neural pathways is optimism. 

Now that I’m getting back up on the horse, it’s taking a lot more effort. I found my drum classes so frustrating today. I’m slightly turned off. Sometimes people can turn me off a subject. Fundamentally, haste is the enemy.

But I’m trying to change how I view learning, lessons, and growth. Which is why, the minute I got home, I googled a bunch of lessons online. I felt in control again. I told myself that it was time to grow thicker skin. Can’t do without it, sorry baby girl.

Self-study. Practice. Practice. Curiosity. Persistence. Presence (this one is so hard, but I’m so much better at this than I was 3 years ago). Visualisation. 

And most importantly - stop talking. Stop thinking. Wastes energy.

The fact that my reading is poor currently, strikes much fear in me, because there’s just so much to learn, with that skill in hand. And I’m thirsty all the damn time for more knowledge and skills to pick up. My auditory, visual, and logical comprehension need boosts; I wonder if the flax seeds are helping. I really want to get better at it. 

(... Since I want to, I will.)

http://english.glendale.cc.ca.us/speed1.html 

bought a book by the Princeton Review last month. Will read it once I’ve actually finished the aforementioned tasks. Something tells me I have to start timing my activities in fascist fashion. 

Is this post causing you anxiety? I apologise.

This -...

or let go. 

Let go and see things as they are. Pay full attention. 

Be present 

in the here and now, 

every day. 

ffff....aaaaaahhh......  Let’s try.

Again tomorrow.

It’s a yogic practice to thank Patanjali for all that one learns in the day, and to try again tomorrow.

Trying to finish one or two of these tasks before I go to bed. Feel better about the week and the day. Completion is a great feeling. Get your shit straight, Keik.

[spoilersgr]

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