#this is what I have so far

[shuggymaniac]

My headcanons

◇ Rayleigh is the one who made and gave Buggy the cat eared beanie.

◇Mohji knows different facts about animals of the world and Buggy gave him a Book about all the living and extinct animals.

◇Buggy doesn't care if his crew was seen as Cowards, he is relieved that he doesn't have to worry about them "dying for him" because they have the common sense to escape danger.

◇Buggy had side hustles, example he makes toys and other merchandise using the likeness of popular pirates and profits from them without their knowledge.

◇Shanks kept tabs on Buggy all these years to make sure he was alive and well, their first meeting was in Marineford.

◇Shanks has a room on his ship dedicated for Buggy, he filled it with things that Buggy might like in hopes one day they will sail together as they always planned.

◇ Before impel down escape, The Red hair pirates were the first and only pirates who knew Buggy sailed in the Oro Jackson along with Gol.D.Roger and Shanks because Shanks doesn't find a point in hiding it.

◇If Benn caught glimpse of Buggy or any of his crew hiding or trying to escape he will silently and subtly help them, because that what Shanks would have wanted.

◇Rayleigh has a collection of all his boys wanted posters from the very first till the latest one, keeping them in a good condition and would show shakky every time he adds one or takes one out, to brag about them or tell stories about them.

◇Rayleigh and Buggy still keep in contact.

◇Buggy would send Money to Rayleigh every month because he feels the need to look after him, not knowing Rayleigh didn't spend any of it and keeps all the money he got in a safe just in case Buggy needed it back.

◇Buggy is very competent, Shanks, Rayleigh, and everyone in the Oro Jackson knows it, but Buggy doesn't want to show it because he doesn't want to make enemies who might be bigger than him, or be a main target to the marines.

[bloogers-boogers]

Got inspired to write this from @cakerybakery post !! Love them

Lucifer couldn’t help himself from the mixture of dreaded feelings he was experiencing at that moment, unable to sleep after realizing his clone and… Adam, were.. they had something. It was weird to even acknowledge it but how could you not? When you caught the enemy being in the arms of your clone sharing a passionate kiss. It was like your world froze at that exact point.

He didn’t know his clones could get to that position of consciousness, until he drained all the images, memories and thoughts his clone gave him after being evaporated out from existence. He didn’t think… it would feel. It felt so much during that time he was given the task to get Adam to safety and be healed. He didn’t even order him to do it himself! He was asked to be taken to a healer not to be the healer. Dumb clone.

He sighed while placing both hands on his desk, clawing the wood from time to time, he couldn’t believe it but the proof was right there. In his brain from vivid memories, from fresh feelings... The clone had fallen in love with Adam, and Adam… he too, had fallen for the clone version of himself. Now the results from such things are imprinted on Adam’s face when he sees him.

Being stuck at his daughter’s hotel has given the unpleasant experience for both men to see each other.

It’s like, a pang of guilt but also awkwardness hits every time their eyes met. Adam was clearly in pain but also angry at him. And well, it was not ideal to visualize your enemy naked in bed after having hardcore sex with your clone self.

That clone was fucking freaky too, went beyond what he’d ever done with Lilith. Crazy kinky motherfucker, made it even ten times weirder to handle seeing Adam when all he can see was the man being pounded on the wooden bed he had hand made to keep him safe and comfortable when he was still in the first few days of recovery. Then being use to fulfill the dirtiest desires they had in mind.

He shook his head, shooing all those thoughts away. All he ever wanted now is to have never discover what had happened but if he hadn’t who knows how much deeper it could’ve gotten between those two.

The guilt was eating him alive. In a way. He had taken another love from Adam’s life. In a way… he had hurt Adam again.

“Dad?” Charlie called out from behind the door of his workshop, snapping him out from his inner conflicted monologue.

“Yes, apple pie?”

“The activities are about to start, if.. you want to join? We’ll be downstairs.”

“In a minute, pumpkin! I’ll be right there.”

Lucifer sighed heavily, puffing out his chest, cheeks full with air, fists clenched tightly. It wasn’t his fault. This shouldn’t be weird. He shouldn’t be the one hiding! He didn’t ask for Adam to fuck his clone, he didn’t ask for his clone to had fallen in love with Adam!

He will be fine.

.

.

.

He is not fine.

Lucifer watched carefully as Adam had been teamed up with three hound sinners, one who was awfully close and constantly flirting with him. And Adam seemingly entertaining it.

He was not in any way jealous, but he was particularly beyond furious on his clone behalf. How could he be so easy going with some hussy after the supposedly “love of his life” died in-front of him.

Adam was a slut. His only conclusion. After all, he does recall this is the same man that most likely shoved his manhood inside all heaven when he was still up there. He knows. Adam would brag that shit in their dumb yearly reunions. All the fucking time.

Honestly, he wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case all along with his clone. Maybe, all this time Adam just saw him as a fuck buddy while he was still at his care until he fully recovered back to his dick self.

No. That can’t be. There was a lot of… personal and tender exchanges the two had for it to be just seen as something light. It’s unlikely.

He breathed out the air he had trapped in, unaware that he popped the ball he held in his hands.

“Man! Now we have to get a new one!” He heard Angel dust groaned out annoyed.

But he didn’t care. He needed to talk to Adam. They’ve ignored this for too long.

[mitamicah]

I would like to ask for your guidance as someone with a degree in Joker Out!

Of course I know about our boys, but I don't know anything about the people surrounding them, like Kiki. Could you enlighten me, maybe?

Hi there - I can try my best but disclaimer out of the way, I don't know a lot either :'D (so if anybody else have something to add or if I have misunderstood/made an error somewhere please let me know :'D)

Okay so as far as I know these are (some of) the people around Joker Out

Kristjan aka Kiki is a stage person (I believe?) - good friend of the band and seems very funny and nice to hang around with. (fun fact: he gave me a setlist in Malmö :3)

Sergej is another recognisable stage person - he often sits by the side controlling the sound/lights if I am not mistaken? Bigger guy with buzz cut- seems pretty nice as well ^V^

Vita Orehek is a friend and photographer of the band - often seen touring with the boys as one of if not single lady (if the videos is something to go by) more fun facts: At Ruisrock Vita would interview us in the crowd about our feelings towards Sta Bih Ja - I didn't get interviewed but my friend did (I was too busy trying my best getting over my hate of sparkling water so to actually drink the water Vita had brought me to help me from fainting).

Mark Pirc is another photographer closely connected to Joker Out - he is the one filming most of Joker Out's music videos and the docomentaries Carpe Diem and Welcome to Backstage. You can find little clips of people saying 'hi Mark' in said documentaries which I find quite adorable :3

Dean Grainger is yet another photographer that is often taking pictures of the boys. He has been following the boys around for about a year (posted a series of anniversary posts on IG recently)

Maks is Kris' younger brother and helped as a stage person for a little while (he is now off to college if I remember correctly). He looks more like his mother than Kris does.

Karlo Kirri is a designer that makes most of Joker Out's stage outfits using traditional slovenian embroidery. Really cool, really awesome! Love the pride the guys have in their heritage like this!!

Yeah that was my very brief and probably very chaotic guide xD hopefully it is helpful and that I didn't make too many mistakes :'D

[ceiling-karasu]

World-Building for My Squirrel and Hedgehog AUs: Flower Hill Area Specific

I could not find the motivation to write for The Rod That Blocks the Lightning this week, so I made these instead. Splitting it into three posts, because they are pretty large and a lot of information. I also cannot draw well, so I have

So, I think I have finally figured out how my AUs work a bit in context of the Squirrel and Hedgehog universe, or at least what I will use. This is subject to be changed as time goes on, but none of this should spoil anything I have written so far, or what I will write in the future.

Shout out to @sah-headcanons for listening to me ramble nonsensically about ideas for AUs for the past 3-4 years, and offering encouragement the whole time as I had revelations to actually write it out! Might have taken an offhand comment or two they made and turned them into entire massive plot ideas.

For one, the continents appear to be about the same as in the real world. I am assuming the flag colors represent the dominant culture or country in the region.

It is likely that Asia is more in the middle, but is blocked on the screen here. Some real life world maps have their own country in the middle to make it easier. It is safe to say that North and South Korea would be in the same shape and place.

As such, I think I can say that some of the same concepts will appear throughout all of my AUs. It does not necessarily mean they are taking place in the same timeline/AU, just that the areas, countries, and concepts are the same.

History of the area Around Flower Hill:

As with regular Korea, it used to be run by emperors, and had a strict caste system split up by species. Strong predators such as tigers were at the top, while weaker animals were towards the bottom. Most creatures lived in villages located according to their species or biological (food, sleep, hibernation) needs, and did not mingle with each other.

Within each caste, there were hierarchies depending on how useful the attributes of the family bloodline were. For instance, sheep that grew wool rapidly that could be used as clothing, as with domesticated sheep, were higher ranking than sheep who did not have fast growing wool, or wool that simply blew off (wild sheep). This would help explain the appearance of domestic sheep, pigs, and Korean Village dogs in the absence of humans. Plus why accusing individuals of being a lapdog or running dog is apparently a thing in universe.

Likewise, animals within a caste with a bloodline that allowed them to see colors better than others were also higher ranking, such as wolves seeing the color green, since they cannot in real life, and seeing green made them more effective in their tasks.

Eventually, the royal families were overthrown, as was the caste system some time later. Newfound trade allowed different species to move between areas and better survive, leading to populations forming alliances with each other based on what they needed and for protection, as well as larger villages and some cities.

However, even generations later, echos of the caste system still remain. Weasels and tigers still see themselves as being superior over mice, squirrels, rabbits, and other, smaller creatures, for instance. Inter caste system issues still occur, such as canines that have trouble seeing the color green seen as lesser than canines who can see green.

Descendants of the old royal families still exist, and while some are content with their lives, others seethe over the lost power their ancestors used to hold. Some wish to hold the values of their royal ancestors, whilst living within their means. These descendants can usually be identified by the possession of a royal or high ranking family munjang, which is useless to many, but still gives the wielder much respect.

I also have the headcanon (and we came up with these ideas separately) that Mulamgcho's family are descendants of royalty. Although it does not seem as if he wishes to reinstall an empire himself, as much as live comfortably and in power somewhere with his surviving family member(s).

Food and dietary habits are close to that of real world animals. Animals that eat meat subsist on seafood (non-sentient in this universe), small non-sentient birds, and insects. Cannibalism, even of the enemy, is seen as unclean and taboo, so bodies are disposed of as quickly as possible and thoroughly as possible to prevent temptation. Crematoriums are a booming business, although the wealthy may get personalized electrified coffins to dispose of their bodies in a more individual manner, if funerals are available, as seen when General Commander Jogjebi faked his death.

The split between South and North

I hold the idea that weasels and other obligate carnivores live in villages around the ocean and large lakes in the South. There, they are able to create fish farms for food. The south of the continent is great for fish farms, as long as they are properly managed, although agriculture is possible. Other inhabitants live towards the middle of the country, or labor for the weasels.

The North of the country is better for agriculture, and proper management has made it very profitable. Fish farming is possible, but given the coast would require considerable more effort. Smaller species, and those who were not obligate carnivores, also migrated up north to avoid the amassing weasels taking over the power vacuum from the royals. Silkworms also thrive in the Northern climate.

Weasel Empires:

Location and Geography: South Korean area. The weasels mostly live in villages around the coastline in small fishing kingdoms. Smaller weasel villages might live inland around larger lakes. Non weasel species, such as mice, also live inland in impoverished villages. But the villages are subject to being raided, with inhabitants being forcibly conscripted into the service of the weasels, when not taxed heavily.

Government: A central government dictatorship, but since the territories are scattered, the strongest weasel in the area leads.

Economy: most of the economy comes from fishing. There may be small areas of agriculture for species that work for the weasels. Wheat and rice farms exist for the purpose of making soju for export in some areas. Weasels levy large taxes against all non weasel villages, leading to very poor villages that struggle to survive and trade amongst themselves. Agriculture is looked down upon, so while farming could be viable, it is seen as for servants and lesser species.

Demographics: Mostly weasels and mice, some crows, anyone else they can force to join to their side.

Foreign relations and relations involving Flower Hill: The weasel policy is to fish farm in an area until there are not enough fish to sustain the current population. Then, they will create a new territories up or down the coast. However, severe mismanagement has led to a depletion in fish across the weasel villages throughout the nation. Flower Hill has coastlines, and therefore, fish. Which means more power and food to whoever takes over the area, which is also very rich in other resources. Also, forced labor for the fish farms, so they can rule over the area while they themselves relax. Many upstart weasels are promised fame and power if they occupy a region of Flower Hill, and the temptation of new servants to rule over. The mice are mostly just desperate to take over Flower Hill for the food, and to force the residents to work for them so they can taste a bit of power for once. Propaganda posters also promise mice and crows higher pay and higher ranks for joining the army, and the idea that they can treat the residents of conquered regions as their own servants.

Political Alliances: Wolf Unit and tiger kingdoms, and what would be the equivalent of Japan, in universe, that I have not gotten around to yet as I highly doubt they will play a part.

Traditional Clothing style (other than military gear): Much taken from the Japan equivalent, clothing is a Kimono covered by a Haori, although these are usually worn more by high class individuals.

Regular shirts and trousers are worn by lower and working classes. Villagers more towards the inner part of the country wear simple, traditional Hanbok.

Other: The idea of the weasels needing to stay on the coast works with a certain concept with the Kidnapped Scientists AU. It would be an interesting idea to have the scientists eventually work with the weasels by helping them conquer inland areas around Flower Hill, knowingly forcing the weasels to waste resources trying to get extra fish to the area before it goes bad, as well as having the army be stretched thin.

While the Weasel Country is allied with the equivalent of Japan, the country is not interested in helping the weasels take over another country due to pressure from the international community, and the fact that they see countries as too small for them to want to get involved.

Flower Hill:

Location and Geography: North Korea, although I assume the rabbit villages are China. Varies between coastal, woodlands, plains, lakes, rivers, and mountainous areas

Government: Stratocracy, where the government is headed by military chiefs. Villages may have their own chiefs, but they answer to the military in the end. Strangely, more and more village chiefs are becoming military chiefs...

Flower Hill also encourages education and sending intelligent individuals for prestigious universities to hopefully bring back new ideas and information that could help the economy and the government, although it is noticeable that almost everyone that goes seems to have an affiliation to the military as well...

Economy: For the most part, Flower Hill is an agricultural nation, with plenty of food to sustain the population. Fishing is also popular, and many countries like the local goby fish. Science and research allows for many discoveries and patents to be made in Flower Hill.

Honestly, I saw sah-headcanon's post asking about what carnivores eat, and wound up seeing if insects were a food eaten in Korea. What I found was that Beondegi (silkworm pupa) is a well known food in Korea, sold as street food and in convenience stores. Which has led to me deciding that Flower Hill has a massive silk and silkworm industry that takes up the bulk of the exports. Good for lots of food, and also for fancy clothing for themselves and other countries, which bolsters foreign relations.

They will import what they need from other countries.

Demographics: squirrels, hedgehogs, ducks, monkeys, pigs, sheep, deer, geese, bears. Originally, each species had their own specific jobs, such as squirrels being farmers, hedgehogs being military, ducks being the navy, monkeys being entertainers, and so on. But that was abolished a few generations ago, and the hedgehogs encourage other species to join in the military or try other careers.

Foreign relations: Flower Hill prefers to keep peaceful relations with other countries. Even though they are being invaded by the Weasel Unit, they will still invite weasel leaders to diplomatic events and festivals. However, dark secrets are hidden deep from the international eyes. Many countries enjoy the high quality silk that comes from the area.

Political Alliances: Jindo Dog Island, Chaand Hadia, Chambelli Koh

Traditional Clothing Style (not including military uniforms): Flower Hill citizens would wear intricately patterned chosŏn-ot, bolstered by their massive silkworm pupae industry. Otherwise, shirts and trousers for when they are working.

Other Countries/continents outside of the local area:

Tiger Empires: believe that they are of royal blood, and at the top of the old caste system, and will occasionally create small empires. Their disregard for other species usually results in their collapse. Tigers tend to be the main villains for many Korean cartoons, so it is an interesting concept.

White-Naped Crane Party:

Used to be the upper class clergy and preachers meant to keep the lower castes under control. Most of this group fully supports the return to the emperors and caste system. White-Naped Cranes in real life primarily live in the demilitarized zone of North Korea, but they do migrate to other areas before returning. Therefore, it is only natural to have them appear at some point.

Their migrations have them bring back strange, new ideas of subservience to emperors, and they cause each disruptions that Flower Hill considers revoking their traditional permits to come and go as they please. They also tend to be found within the territories of Tiger Empires.

Other Countries:

I don't think other countries outside of the immediate area will feature too much. For them, It's too much effort to get involved in that type of conflict for a country that is not a big superpower. I do hold that the Geneva Convention and international courts exist, but not because of World War reasons. Due to species restrictions, events like World Wars are not possible, but rules of warfare are, for decencies sake.

Travel and trade is still allowed into the area, and both the weasels and Flower Hill avoid angering citizens from other countries due to diplomatic reasons, which can lead into reporters poking their noses in there they don't belong...

Outside of Flower Hill, in more industrious countries, there are larger cities. Universities exist, and some are very prestigious. But, due to the lack of travel ability and certain species restrictions (climate and such), long distance and online classes are available and seen as valid.

[icewindandboringhorror]

(also feel free in the tags to clarify Why you made the choice you made!! :0c)

[butchfalin]

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

[dirtytransmasc]

the men and boys are innocent too.

we cry "the innocent women and children" to appeal to the masses, to try and force their sympathy, but the men and boys are innocent too.

I have seen sons crying out for their mothers, their fathers, their siblings. I have seen them break down at the loss of their families. I have seen them cling to their dead and grieve.

I have seen fathers cradle their dead children, seen them kiss their faces and hold their little hands. I have seen them faint with grief when asked to identify the dead. I have seen them carry their sons and daughters. I have seen them fasting to provide what little they can for their families.

I have seen men and boys digging through the rubble with just their bare hands, I have seen them comforting strangers, playing with children, rocking them, hushing them, even if the face of such imminent danger. I have seen them cry, seen them grieve, seen them break down into each other's arms, seen them be selfless, beyond selfless, becoming something I don't have a word for.

I have seen the men who are doctors refuse to leave their patients, even when they have no medicine or supplies to give them, even when they're threatened with bombings. I have seen fathers who have lost all their children pick orphans up into their arms and proclaim them their child so they are not alone. I have seen men and boys digging pets out of the rubble.

the men are innocent too. the men and boys are being hurt and killed too. the men and boys are grieving too. the men and boys are scared too. the men and boys are fighting to save their people too. the men and boys deserve to be fought for too.

[fastepp]

Every time I see an author promoting their debut Greek mythology retelling on twitter I mourn the loss of like. To put in ineloquently. Just using these stories as inspiration for your own. Your story does not need to force itself to fit the shape of Orpheus and Eurydice it’s fine you can just allude to their story!! You can use their themes!! Nobody is going to arrest you for being allegorical instead of literal!! I might eat them alive at this point. It’s the only way.

[a-scary-lack-of-common-sense]

How Bill was defeated and captured by Ford in my Gf AU! He basically just tricked Bill into accepting a deal that trapped him within Ford's mind and under his control :]

He may have gotten a little out of hand though....

>:)

Next post :]

[twisting-in-wonderland]

'Yuu!'

[luwha]

Not telling y'all that you should be able to identify AI slop (but it is a valuable skill, you totes should), but if you're to be accusing artists of being AI left and right at least go and do your homework, or at least do the bare minimum and use AI identification tools like Hive Moderation, so you 1- don't ruin someone's lifehood 2- don't make a clown out of yourself maybe

Like, i get it, AI slop and "AI artists" pretending to be genuine is getting harder and harder to identify, but just accusing someone out of the blue and calling it a day doesn't make it any better.

The AI clowns shifted to styles that have less "tells" and the AI arts are becoming better. Yeah, it sucks ass.

They're also integrating them with memes, so you chuckle and share, like those knights with pink backgrounds, some cool frog and a funny one liner, so you get used to their aesthetic.

This is an art from the new coming set Final Fantasy for MtG. This is someone on Reddit accusing someone of using AI. From what i can tell, and i fucking hate AI, there is NO AI used on this image.

As far as i can tell and as far as any tool i've used, the Artist didn't use AI. which leads to the next one:

they accused the artist of this one of using Ai. the name of this artist is Nestor Ossandon.

He as already been FALSELY ACCUSED of using AI, because he drew a HAND THAT LOOKED A LITTLE WEIRD, which caused a statement from D&D Beyond, confirming that no AI has been used.

Not to repeat mysef, they're accusing the art above, that is by Nestor, to have used Ai.

REAL artists are not machines. And just like the AI slop, we are not perfect and we make mistakes. The hands we draw have wonky fingers sometimes. The folds we draw are weird. But we are REAL. We are real people. And hey, some of our "mistakes" sometimes are CHOICES. Artistic choices are a thing yo.

If you're to accuse someone of using Ai, i know it's getting hard to identify. But come on. At least do your due diligence.

[hinamie]

I'll rip in hands and teeth and take a bite

[inkedberries]

if any one of you missed me it's because i've been playing hades game nonstop since a month ago and there have been shown no signs of stopping as of yet i love my silly boys

[captain-krow-drozdov]

Danny Is An Alternate Version Of Ra's Al Ghul And Flash Already Called Dibs On Adopting Him

Danny In All His Sleep Deprived Slightly Scuffed Up From A Fight Glory Is On His Way To Clockworks Tower To Hopefully Get A Nap And Maybe Some Homework Done When A Natural Portal Opens Up In Front Of Him And Proceeds To Unceremoniously Drop Him In The DC Verse Just Outside Of Central City Before Promptly Closing Leaving A Tired Danny Behind In A Run Down Abandoned Parking Lot.

It's Times Like This When Danny Regrets Putting Off Learning How To Make His Own Portals, Cause Now He Is Very Much Stuck For The Foreseeable Future And He Has No Idea Where Or When He Is. Luckily For Him However Central City Isn't Too Far Away, Unlucky For Him However Is That Once In The City He Realizes This Isn't His Dimension. He's Pretty Sure He'd Remember Something Called The Justice League.

So What Do You Do When Supernatural Bullshit Fails You? You Fall Back On Your Mad Scientist Roots And You Make A Portal Gun. So That's Exactly What Danny Plans To Do.

Unfortunately Staying Alive And Building Questionably Safe Portal Technology Requires Money And Supplies, So He Ends Up Wandering From City To City Doing Odd Jobs/Fixing Up Busted Tech For Cash Or Unwanted Electronics For His "Operation: Get Home" Needs. This Obviously Ends In A Few Superhero Encounter Shenanigans.

Though He Always Ends Up Back Near Central City, Both On The Off Chance The Natural Portal Will Open Up Again And Because Out Of All The Superheroes That Apparently Exist In This Universe The Speedsters Are His Favorite (Red Robin Is Solidly His Second Favorite Ever Since The Gotham Vigilante Gave Him A Large Coffee Filled With Enough Caffeine To Kill A Man).

Unbeknownst To Danny However Is That Every Hero/Vigilante He Has Encountered Has Come To At Least One Of The Following Conclusions; 1. Run Away Meta Who Is In Desperate Need Of A Good Meal/Adoption Bait. 2. Possibly Red Robin/Tim Drake Clone 3. A Good Kid But Could Possibly Be A Future Rouge If Left Unsupervised. 4. Did Bats Get A New Kid And Why Is He Here?

All Flash Knows Is That He Saw The Kid First And Therefore Has Dibs. Suck It Bruce.

Fast-forward A Few Months And Danny Gets Hurt During A Rogue Attack While Trying To Help Some Civilians Get To Safety (Old Hero Habits Die Hard (Ha Die Hard) And All That Jazz) And He Nopes Out Once Everyone Is Safe And When The Paramedics Are Busy With Other People Unaware He Left A Blood Sample Behind.

One DNA Test Brought To You By Paranoid Bat Concerns Of A Possible Red Robin Clone Later And They Find Out That Dannys DNA Matches One Ra's Al Ghul.

They Now Think Danny Is An Escaped Ra's Al Ghul Clone.

Memes For The Vibes:

[inkskinned]

you know, you know. no gods, no masters, no kings on pedestals. everyone is fallible. death of the author. you know! you are balanced about your intake of media - you allow the wiggle room, the grace, the gratitude, the skepticism. nobody above criticism.

but still. a weird gut-punch feeling, something akin to betrayal. you read the article. surprise! an author you love is actually: a serial fucking predator.

well, shit. what now. no, you knew he was a person (all people are), but now you're wondering - what have i overlooked by accident? what messages have i internalized that are strange and cruel? and also, like, what the fuck?

his actions lay a thick glaze on top of everything. like each place is now ruined, opaque in a new way. but okay, fine, you've done this before. you knew better, right? you've been betrayed by many a cherished childhood author.

still, this stickiness. fuck. can you pick up that book again. will you read it to your children. you've recommended it to others - will you ever do that again? and of course, of course, no parasocial relationships. you were theoretically above this kind of sentiment. but the artist informs the art, right.

so it's not something as clear-cut as feeling he owed you, specifically (a stranger) better behavior - just that you kind of, in a distant and odd way... sort of trusted him to do better. it's not like a real trust or something speakable, just the faint hope that the product (good books) was a thin representation of the soul. now it feels like the product (good? books?) was a mask. in some small or insignificant way, your previous support of this person lent them power. your money and your time and your laughter.

and the thing is - you have this terrible, echoing sensation. how many times will this happen? over and over. you find out that the singer you love is actually a predator. you learn over drinks that your favorite high school english teacher is in jail for what he did to her. you listen to the news idly and suddenly discover that a woman you used to idolize has been abusing her kids for an actual eon.

what can you touch without the static melting off. you can't even really complain about it too much (you were supposed to know better, and besides, you don't want the same re-split "it's not your fault, love what you love" basic advice), but now it's here. somehow, it feels like - you let him into your life.

it's not that things need to be pure or an artist has to be like, endlessly perfect, mindful. demure. it's more just this terrible truth that has been replayed through your veins so often it feels criminally vain. power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely. did you want any one person to be worth that power?

it's just that he wrote books where he seemed to understand that. he seemed to know about hierarchies and unfair systems and bigotry and privilege. you thought they were books about what it means to struggle. you thought they were about having power and still using it for good rather than for control. he spooned you a narrative of being a good guy, a kind soul. you fucking bought what that fucking monster sold.

maybe that's why they were fantasies, after all.

[floccinaucinihilipilificationa]