#this is what I get for pretending to be a normal person who has their life together
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And to quell dissent, the post 9/11 media (i.e. movies and tv shows - think 24) facilitated this. This is undoubtedly due to influence by the Department of Defense - they pour MILLIONS into funding movies and TV shows every year and give access to military equipment, provide consulting, etc.
They wanted what they were doing to look unpalatable but necessary. And the reality is that MOST people, the military included, bought into that idea. Fuck, I would say even people who should know that shit doesn’t work who were doing the actual torturing probably deluded themselves into believing it does.
Study after study in the post 9/11 world, however, has shown that people will say whateverthefuck under duress just to make the torture stop. Does it make them confess? You’re goddamn right it does. They’ll confess to murdering that guy. And their mom. And to having faked the moon landing. And to having shot JFK. And to being secretly 3 raccoons in a trench coat. Whatever you want just to make it stop. And, for clarity, when people are being enhanced interrogated tortured, it’s not like the detainee is saying “ok, you waterboarded me enough so here’s the plan…” They’re being asked simple questions like, “were you at the meeting” or “do you know Steve” and are being tortured until the torturer gets the desired response. “No” and “I don’t know” aren’t the right answers and result in more torture. So you say “yes” to make it stop.
The FBI was the only US security agency to actually get relevant information from adversaries in the post 9/11 era because they’ve been running interrogations of people for fucking ever and they know how to do it. ACAB. They established a relationship, got the person talking, then got relevant info. ACAB. That’s a normal part of law enforcement. ACAB. Fuck the cops forever but at least they got that right. ACAB.
Interestingly, this is where the movie Zero Dark Thirty is kind of a wild case. When it came out if got MASSIVE blowback for its torture scenes. People were saying it was pro-torture because they show these scenes where a character is being tortured and he ends up giving up information. And the characters in the movie are like, “yeah this is unsavory, but look at how effective it is.”
But, and this is critical, the information they get is wrong and useless. It’s not until one of the characters takes the prisoner out of the cell, starts talking to him, feeds him, and basically treats him like a person, that they get actual useful information. Sure the characters who are ostensibly the protagonists are pro-torture, but the plot shows that it’s actually bullshit and they’re wrong.
All that to say, yeah, torture doesn’t work irl and pretending like it does in media is irresponsible and dangerous because it helps all of us pretend like it does and just keeps us doing more torture.
Things that work in fiction but not real life
torture getting reliable information out of people
knocking someone out to harmlessly incapacitate them for like an hour
jumping into water from staggering heights and surviving the fall completely intact
calling the police to deescalate a situation
rafting your way off a desert island
correctly profiling total strangers based on vibes
effectively operating every computer by typing and nothing else
ripping an IV out of your arm without consequences
heterosexual cowboy
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Hello!! Can you do tsukki, kuroo, akaashi, kenma, shirabu, suna, and atsumu with a fem reader gf who is an actor and she has to do kiss scenes sometimes and char gets jealous? Tyy!
Also ik this is a lot of characters so take your time :)
— Tags/Genre: Fluff | Fem!Reader | Timeskip
— Characters: Tsukishima, Kuroo, Kenma, Akaashi, Shirabu, Suna and Atsumu.
— Warnings: None!
╰┈➤ Tsukishima Kei
He's definitely one of the most rational on this list, and as much as he tries to look at this situation as normal, he can't help but feel his eyebrows furrow slightly at the idea.
Well, that's your job, and you're not going to stop loving him and he's not going to stop trusting you because of something that both actors are dealing with professionally.
But even if he doesn't show it (at least that's what he thinks), you know the man you have.
The eye roll when you mention what happened, the drumming of his fingers on the table, and also the short but dry answers he gives you.
He really doesn't want to act like this towards you, after all he loves you, but he really can't help but feel jealous.
And speaking of jealousy, he would NEVER declare it to you out loud, this man is is annoyingly proud until the end.
However, you know very well what he is feeling, since every time you mention the recordings of your current project, he always finds a reason to mock about your romantic partner in the series/film.💀
╰┈➤ Kuroo Tetsurou
Even though he is the more playful type with you, so to speak, he wouldn't mind too much if you had to do something like that.
All the moments you spent together, all the words of love exchanged, every gesture, every look, all of this is enough for Kuroo to know that you love him with all your heart, just as he also loves you very much. <3
So obviously he's going to make some sarcastic comments about how 'I'm definitely a better kisser than this guy' or something like that.
But he wouldn't be worried about things like "maybe she won't love me anymore", for him these are silly thoughts.
He trusts you completely, and knows that you always handle everything that happens on set in a professional manner.
I think you would be more worried about this kiss than Kuroo, so he's the one who has to assure you that he knows how much you love him!!
And even if he assures you that everything is fine, he won't refuse the many compensatory kisses you give to him...🤫
╰┈➤ Kenma Kozume
Kenma is really a calm guy, it's rare for him to lose his temper.
And even in a situation like that, I honestly see him continuing to be the same.😭
It's not that he doesn't mind you kissing another man, after all the first time you told him that, you saw his face contort into an irritated grimace.
But he knows it's just for the recording, so he'd just be a little jealous at first!!
I see him as someone who doesn't share much about his personal life as a streamer, but his subscribers definitely know that you are his girlfriend, after all you are a very famous person too.
So they wouldn't be surprised if, At the beginning of his live, out of nowhere, he announced a film that had just premiered just because you were in it.
"Well, the movie is already in theaters, so watch it! It's pretty cool... except for the kissing part..." he says pretending to be jealous, and then gives a small smile, while showing the movie poster in his hands to the camera.
╰┈➤ Akaashi Keiji
Definitely the calmest and most responsible on the list.😭
There's no way he would be jealous of you, because he knows you both love each other, he trusts you and knows he have nothing to worry about.
Just like Kuroo, you might be more worried about this situation than he is, thinking that it would upset him in some way.
And if you're nervous because it's your first time doing a movie scene like that, Akaashi would definitely calm you down and assure you that you'll do well in the filming!!
He sees how talented you are as an actress, and believes you are capable of completing any type of scene, even though they might make you a little worried.
But he will always be there to support you with whatever you need, comforting you with the sweetest words.
╰┈➤ Kenjiro Shirabu
He would be PISSED💀
I see him as someone who, when he's jealous or upset about something, can't hide it at all.
Whether it's his facial expressions, like a contortion of his face, and a slight pout appearing on his beautiful face... or in his own words.
"...Ew." That was the only comment he made when you showed him the photo of the person you were going to record with...
Even if he gets jealous about this whole situation, he would try not to think about it too much, otherwise he might just stay with a sullen face all day long.
But all you have to do is give him a few kisses and he'll melt right away and forget about it!!
If some of his friends (probably Goshiki and Tendou...😭) asked him if he was jealous of your kissing scene, teasing him, he would probably let another comment slip out.
"Why would I be jealous of someone who doesn't even know how to kiss well?"
╰┈➤ Suna Rintarou
When you talk to him about it, you can be sure that he would immediately pull out his cell phone to research the actor who will do the scene with you.
He didn't say this to you, but he did it in the hope of finding some controversy in which the person is involved, so he can show it to you...🧍♂️
Somehow, I see him as someone who is very much in the know about things that happen in the world of celebrities, the internet, etc.
So if he was a well-known actor, I think Suna would recognize him and other movies/series he was in and comment on it for you.
"He has the charisma equivalent to that of a door. Why did they put someone so boring in that role?"
I don't think he would be too jealous, but he is too clingy, so I think he would just cling to you all day while making fun of the situation.
╰┈➤ Atsumu Miya
If you told him that the world would be invaded by aliens and all of humanity would be exterminated, it would be less important for him than hearing that you were going to kiss someone other than him...
He acts in such a dramatic way, it's as if you're actually going to marry the person you're going to do the scene with.
"LET ME DO THE SCENE WITH YOU INSTEAD OF HIM!!" "Tsumu... you are not an actor..." "Huh, I guess now I'll have to give up my career as a volleyball player and become an actor..."
He's the kind of guy who when he's jealous, he crosses his arms while tapping his foot impatiently on the floor, rolling his eyes while huffing in annoyance, waiting for you to pay attention to him.
But despite that, of course he would watch your movie, after all, he wouldn't miss any work his beloved participated in!!
But when the kiss scene came on screen, he would do anything to grab the TV remote and skip that scene, swearing that this scene adds nothing to the film's purpose.😭
— A/N: I'm obsessed with Alien Stage and that's all I can think about...... You guys have no idea, this has completely changed my life (for the worse)😍🤩🥰🤩😍🤩😍
#haikyuu#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu headcanons#hq x reader#hq#hq fluff#haikyuu x fem!reader#kuroo tetsuro x reader#kuroo x reader#tsukishima x reader#tsukishima kei x reader#kozume kenma x reader#kenma x reader#keiji akaashi x reader#akaashi x reader#shirabu kenjirou x reader#shirabu x reader#suna rintaro x reader#suna x reader#miya atsumu x reader#atsumu x reader
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second chances | s.r.
the one where Spence regrets everything that’s happened in the past six months.
pairing: spencer reid x bau!reader category: angst, fluff cw: none wc: 3.3k a/n: this took forever too write because every time i tried writing it i absolutely hated how it came out. i’m hoping i gave them the ending they deserved and that you all love it! also please let me know if there's any warnings I should add.
pt.1 masterlist spencer reid masterlist
The entire car ride home was a blur, and you mean that literally. The tears that coated your eyes never seemed to stop even after you arrived back home. The dull hum of the engine couldn't seem to drown out the noise-deafening pounding in your chest.
You couldn't help but replay every moment from tonight on a loop, the gut wrenching realization that Spencer moved on so quickly, so easily. It felt as if your entire world had been tilted on its axis and you were left to live in a reality that didn't make any sense.
Maya. You hadn't been able to look at her without a sharp pang of jealousy making its way though your chest. The way she spoke to Spencer, so casually, so possessively like you were going to take her from him at any second. But in reality that's what she did to you.
You told yourself that you were fine, that you had enough time to move on and get over that relationship, but its clear you were lying to yourself. Every moment you were in his presence were the few moments of bliss where you could pretend everything with him was normal.
You had loved him. You still did. The harsh truth of that might've hurt worse than tonight's events.
Once you finally arrived home you didn't bother to go inside right away. Turning off the car you sit staring at the dashboard, trying to ground yourself in something, anything but the whirlwind of emotions going on in your mind right now.
As your about to open the door, your phone buzzes in the passenger seat. Picking it up you see it's a message from Penelope.
From: Penny
Are you okay, sweetheart? If you need anything I'm just a phone call away. Please don't let his stupidity ruin your night, we all know how much of an amazing person you are!
A small smile painted its way across your features, though drained and not very genuine.
You quickly texted her back letting her know you were okay and just needed some time to process everything. With that you finally got out of the car making your way inside, preparing for another sleepless night.
-
You had taken the day off. Well technically you didn't request it, it was given to you by Hotch. The team had just gotten back from a long gruesome case and he decided that everyone needed some time to decompress.
It had been a couple weeks since 'The Incident' as Emily has so kindly labeled it. Since then the unkind thoughts hadn't left your mind.
You spent most of the day curled up on the couch barely able to focus on the movies playing on the TV. Your mind was a storm of thoughts that blossomed from that night, though not into flowers, more so like weeds that didn't want to fully be pulled from the ground.
You replayed every word he said that night. Every glance, subtle expression. There was no warmth in his tone, nothing that suggested the gentle, awkward genius who had found solace in your presence.
You knew it hurt, but what hurt more was the realization that Spencer wasn't the only thing you lost that night. You were mourning the loss of what had been, what could've been.
-
The next morning, you showed up at the office. The decision half-hearted, debating on requesting for another day out of the crowded space. You're not sure what you were expecting, for something to just change overnight, or if you needed to prove to yourself that you could handle it.
You walked in to see the team gathered around the bullpen. Derek was leaning against the counter, talking animatedly to JJ, while Penelope was chattering away in her usual high-energy manner. They all seemed fine, but you knew they could feel your emotions. You had always worn them on your sleeve, and the team was nothing if not perceptive.
And Spencer? He was nowhere to be found.
Your heart dropped, but you quickly masked the disappointment with a neutral expression. You couldn’t allow yourself to think about him right now, not with everything else going on.
As you slid into your chair, you could feel their eyes on you every now and then, but none of them dared to speak up. It was only when the elevator doors opened that you saw Spencer walking toward the bullpen. His usual awkward stride was missing, replaced by something… hesitant. His eyes briefly met yours, but instead of the usual spark of familiarity, there was something different. Something strained.
He was carrying a large coffee cup in his hand, but it seemed like he was just holding it for the sake of holding it.
“y/n,” he said softly, his voice laced with the same uncertainty that had been present in his eyes. You barely met his gaze, your stomach doing somersaults at the sight of him.
“Spence,” you said, offering a forced smile. You couldn’t help but feel a pang of longing, but you couldn’t let yourself show it.
“I, uh, can we talk?” he asked, his words tumbling out in that way that was so quintessentially Spencer.
Your gaze flickered around the room, but you didn’t want to make a scene. “Now’s not the best time.”
He nodded, but you could see the disappointment in his face. He hesitated for a moment before turning away and heading to his own desk. You didn’t watch him go, how could you?
-
Hours passed, and the tension between you and Spencer lingered like a heavy fog. Every now and then, you caught his eyes lingering on you when he thought you weren’t looking, but every time you met his gaze, he looked away.
You were exhausted. Your mind was scattered. And when you finally gathered the courage to step away from your desk to grab a coffee, it was then that Spencer decided to approach you.
“y/n,” he called out gently, his voice softer now, less urgent.
You paused mid-step, not sure how to respond. His presence was overwhelming, and even though you wanted to retreat, you knew you couldn’t keep avoiding him forever.
Turning around slowly, you nodded. “Spencer.”
“Can we talk?” he asked again, this time with more sincerity in his voice.
You studied him carefully, unsure whether you could trust yourself to keep calm. “Do we really need to? I think we’ve said everything we need to say.”
“No,” he replied, shaking his head. “I don’t think we have. At least not yet.” He paused, looking down at his feet. “Please.”
You could hear the desperation in his voice, and for the first time since that night, you allowed yourself to truly look at him. You didn’t know what had changed, but you knew it was something important. You had loved Spencer for so long, and maybe it was time to let him explain himself.
“Alright,” you finally said, your voice barely above a whisper. “Let’s talk.”
-
The conference room door clicked shut behind you, and for a brief moment, you felt like you were trapped. The silence was thick, oppressive. Spencer stood by the window, facing away from you, his shoulders tense, his hands hanging stiffly at his sides. He didn’t move, didn’t speak. The space between you felt impossibly wide, like an ocean stretching between two distant shores.
You wanted to scream. To demand answers. To ask why. But you couldn’t, because the truth was, you were too scared of what might come next. The flood of emotions coursing through you felt like too much to bear. And the pain? The pain was undying.
Finally, Spencer spoke, but his voice was soft, almost trembling. “I never meant to hurt you,” he said, his words breaking the stillness in the room, but they did little to ease the ache in your chest.
He turned slowly, his eyes dropping to the floor as if he couldn’t bear to look at you. “I’m so sorry. For the way I ended things... for pushing you away.”
His gaze finally met yours, but there was no spark there, no warmth. Just an empty, hollow ache, the same one you felt. The distance between you both was palpable.
“I thought I was doing the right thing,” he continued, his voice barely above a whisper. “I thought I was protecting you. I thought I was giving you space to breathe… to move on. To get away from the chaos that’s always been a part of my life.”
The words struck you like a punch to the gut. Protecting you? Was that what this was? Did he think he was being noble by choosing to shut you out?
“You pushed me away, Spencer,” you said, your voice trembling with the rawness of everything you were holding in. “I didn’t ask for space. I didn’t ask for you to shut me out. I was here… I've always been here.” The anger, the hurt, it all poured out of you, and you couldn’t stop it even if you tried. “I just needed you to be honest with me. To tell me the truth, not hide behind your fears.”
His face faltered at your words, and for a moment, he looked like he might crumble under the weight of your pain. “I was scared,” he admitted, his voice breaking as if he hadn’t even meant to say it. “I was scared that if I kept you close, I would ruin everything. That I’d hurt you more. I thought if I pulled away, you’d be better off without me. But all I’ve done is hurt you even more.”
The truth of his words hit you like a wave, but it didn’t bring relief. Instead, it left you feeling raw, exposed. How could he think that? How could he think leaving was the solution? You had been through so much together. But the thought of him choosing to walk away, of him choosing her, it crushed you.
“I don’t know if I can forgive you, Spencer,” you whispered, the tears you had been holding back threatening to spill over. Your heart was breaking, the weight of everything that had happened too much to carry anymore.
“You didn’t just break my heart… you broke me. I was waiting for you. I thought... I thought we could work through this. But you didn’t give me a chance. And now you’re asking me to just… what? To just forget?”
Spencer’s face crumpled as if your words were a physical blow, but he didn’t look away. He couldn’t. He was broken too, and for the first time, he looked vulnerable, scared even. “I don’t want you to forget,” he said, his voice shaking with emotion.
“I just want a chance. A chance to prove that I’m not that guy anymore. That I’m not the one who left you… that I’m the one who’s ready to fight for us.”
You shook your head, a sob escaping before you could stop it. “I don’t know if I can believe you anymore, Spencer. I don’t know if I can trust you after everything.”
He stepped forward, his hands trembling as they reached out toward you. “Please,” he whispered, desperation creeping into his voice. “I’ve spent every second of the last six months thinking about how much I screwed up, wishing I could go back and do things differently. I don’t want to lose you. I can’t lose you.”
Your breath caught in your throat, and you could feel your heart pounding in your chest, erratic, unsure whether it was breaking or yearning for something—anything that might bring you peace. You knew Spencer had made mistakes, but he wasn’t the only one at fault. You had kept yourself at a distance too, not because you wanted to, but because you were terrified of what this might mean. Of what letting him back in might cost you.
“I’m scared, Spencer,” you whispered, your voice barely audible. “I’m scared that if I let you back in, you’ll leave again. That you’ll hurt me again.”
He closed the distance between you, standing just inches away now. You could see the unshed tears in his eyes, the way his face was etched with guilt and regret. He reached for your hand, but instead of pulling away, you let him. You let him hold you, as fragile as it felt, as broken as you both were in that moment.
“I won’t leave again,” he said softly, his voice thick with emotion. “I swear. I’ll fight for you. For us. I’ll fight for as long as it takes.”
The raw honesty in his voice, his words full of pain, of hope. It made something inside you snap. The walls you had built around your heart were crumbling, piece by piece. You didn’t know if you could ever go back to the way things were, but maybe, just maybe, there was a chance for something new. Something better.
“I’m not asking for things to be perfect,” Spencer continued, his thumb brushing over the back of your hand, the small touch making your pulse race. “I just need you to know that I’m here. And I’m not going anywhere.”
You met his gaze then, your eyes brimming with unshed tears, but this time they weren’t just born from hurt. There was something else there. Something like hope. “I’m not ready to forgive you yet, Spencer,” you said softly, your voice trembling. “But I’m willing to try. I’m willing to see where this goes. If you really mean it.”
His face softened, the tension easing just a fraction. “I do,” he whispered, his hand still gently holding yours. “I mean it. More than anything.”
And as he pulled you into his arms, you let yourself hold on, just for a moment. You weren’t sure where this would lead, or if you could ever truly forget the pain. But for the first time in a long while, you weren’t alone. And maybe that was enough.
-
It was one of those quiet mornings that felt like a small slice of heaven. The sun was just beginning to rise, casting a soft glow through the windows, and the only sound in the apartment was the rhythmic hum of the coffee maker.
The air was still cool from the night before, but the warmth of the morning sun slowly crept in, filling the room with a gentle golden light.
You were sitting at the kitchen table, your bare feet tucked under you, a mug of coffee warming your hands. Your hair was messy from sleep, but you didn’t mind.
You had gotten used to waking up next to Spencer every morning, and the sight of him, still half-asleep, a little rumpled, and incredibly endearing, was one of the small things you’d grown to cherish.
Spencer was at the counter, his glasses perched on the tip of his nose as he flipped through a pile of paperwork. The clutter of his case files and textbooks was a normal part of your life now, but the way he had rearranged things over the past few months, more neatly than ever before, was a quiet testament to how much he had changed. He wasn’t perfect, but he was working on it. He was trying, and that was all that mattered.
“Y/n?” Spencer’s voice broke the quiet, pulling your attention away from your thoughts.
You looked up from your coffee, meeting his soft brown eyes. He was still wearing his sleep-filled smile, the one that only appeared after a good night’s sleep, when he wasn’t overthinking or buried under a pile of cases.
“I was wondering… would you mind helping me with something later?” His voice was tentative, but there was something else there now, something more confident. He wasn’t afraid to ask for help anymore.
You’d noticed that shift in him over the past few months, the way he wasn’t afraid to lean on you, to let you in when before he would have kept his distance. It had taken time, but now, when he needed you, he knew how to reach for you without hesitation.
“Of course,” you said with a smile, your heart swelling at how far you’d come since that difficult conversation. “What do you need help with?”
Spencer hesitated for just a moment, glancing down at the paperwork. His fingers hovered over the pile, as though unsure how to ask. “I’m working on this case… and I just need to go over the details. I know you’ve got that… special way of seeing things,” he said with a playful grin, using the affectionate nickname you’d earned after countless cases where your instincts had been spot on. “You’re better at spotting the details than I am.”
You raised an eyebrow at him, playfully teasing. “Oh, so now I’m the expert, huh? I thought you were the genius here.”
Spencer’s smile widened, and he shook his head, walking over to the table and taking a seat across from you. He didn’t even try to hide the fondness in his gaze as he looked at you. “You are the expert,” he said softly. “And I’m just the guy who gets to learn from you every day.”
The words lingered between you, warm and comfortable. You reached across the table, brushing your fingers over his hand in a simple, affectionate gesture. A small smile played on your lips as you felt his fingers intertwine with yours, and for the first time, you didn’t feel like you had to hold anything back. There was no fear of losing each other, no worry that the cracks would reopen. Everything—every single piece of you—had found a place next to him, and for once, it felt right.
“I’ll help you,” you said softly, squeezing his hand. “Just like I always do.”
Spencer’s expression softened, his eyes reflecting a quiet sense of gratitude. You knew, deep down, that he wasn’t just thankful for your help with the case. He was thankful for everything—for your patience, for your trust, for the fact that despite all the mistakes and misunderstandings, you were still here. You had come through the storm together, stronger than before, and you could feel it in every touch, in every glance. There was an unspoken understanding between you now. A promise that no matter what came your way, you would face it as a team.
“You know,” Spencer said, his voice low, “I never thought I’d have something like this. Something so... real. So comfortable.”
You laughed softly, the sound light and free, a stark contrast to the uncertainty that had plagued your earlier months together. “I think we’ve finally figured out how to make it work,” you said, your voice steady and full of warmth. “No more pushing each other away. No more running. Just… us.”
Spencer nodded, his gaze softening as his thumb gently traced the back of your hand. “I’m not running anymore,” he whispered, the sincerity in his voice bringing a warmth to your chest. “I’m staying. For good.”
There was no need for more words. You leaned across the table, your lips brushing his in a kiss that was slow and full of meaning. It wasn’t a kiss filled with urgency or desperation, but one of quiet comfort. One of trust and affection. One that said we’re here, and that was enough.
As you pulled away, you saw the same sense of contentment reflected in his eyes, a peacefulness that had taken months to build but was finally here. You didn’t need anything else, because with Spencer, you had everything you’d ever wanted.
The coffee and case files were long forgotten as the two of you sat there, simply enjoying each other’s company. There was no rush to get to the day, no lingering doubt or fear. Just the warmth of his presence beside you, and the certainty that no matter what the future held, you’d face it together.
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#reidsbabyhoney#spencer reid#spencer reid x reader#fic recs#spencer reid angst#dr spencer reid#spencer reid fluff#angst with a happy ending#spencer reid x fem!reader#spencer reid x you#spencer reid x self insert#criminal minds#bau team#fluff
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actually it's kind of funny how people will say Alex's fatal flaw is that he 'doesn't ask for help' and that it's his determination to handle things on his own that leads to his deterioration and eventual death when his whole introduction to the present-day timeline was a very literal cry for help that simply went ignored
#N posts stuff#like even if you think alex was lying throughout the entirety of season 2 and he was waiting from the Moment jay showed up#JUST to kill him (Which again i don't think makes much sense when he could have killed Tim & Jay immediately instead of#breaking Tim's leg. anyway) EVEN IF alex spent that whole time lying it doesn't actually change the fact that he would have at least#been Pretending to Ask For Help and if he wasn't lying then he was Literally Asking For Help and it doesn't Actually matter#what intention Alex had because the text is Ambiguous about Alex's honesty during season two; what isn't ambiguous is the way#other characters (specifically Jay) respond to him; like yeah - S2 Brian/Tim were never in one million years going to help Alex with shit#so sort of any argument that brings up Tim as someone who asks for/offers help is borderline meaningless in this era of the series#Jay had the 'opportunity' to help Alex (and i'll get back to that in a sec) but DIDN'T - Jay wasn't Interested in actually offering Alex#'help' bc Jay is ultimately curious about Answers and 'Offering Help' and 'Getting Answers' are two Wildly conflicting goals#Jay thinks Alex has answers and when Alex doesn't Offer these 'Answers' to Jay on a silver platter Jay gets pissed off and paranoid#and starts Stalking Alex bc he thinks it's 'Suspicious' that Alex won't give him the Answers (that Alex probably doesn't Actually have)#ANYWAY. ultimately this post is about how it's absurd when people argue#that individual character choices could have made a difference in the way this series played out - specifically wrt Alex#because EVERYONE in this WHOLE series are being affected by influences outside of their control ; including Brian Tim and Jay#so it's silly when people are like 'if ALEX had just made a different choice For Himself this could have all been avoided' WRONG.#bc Ultimately there's not really a way to 'help' someone else out of this situation - Tim tried and failed Repeatedly#the comics proved he even failed with Jessica - like MH isn't a horror situation where you can kill the big bad#'getting help' is a meaningless argument - what would successfully helping or getting help even look like? anyway.#the sub argument of this post is that Alex's biggest 'sin' is that he doesn't perform emotions the way other people want him to#like Alex is a character with a kind of flat affect - instead of LOOKING scared or grieved he LOOKS bored or angry#and everyone judges him based on that - so Alex is 'Suspicious' he's 'Lying' he's 'Guilty' but all of these deductions are predicated#on the belief that Alex isn't reacting to his circumstances the way a 'Normal' person would - so it MUST all be an act and so he's guilty#so everyone treats him like he's guilty until the end of season two when he's like 'Fuck it FINE i'll be guilty then' and so it goes#not a self-fulfilled prophecy but being Cornered Into a prophecy and then Blamed for it - SAD. anyway
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does anyone have recommendations for fictional media that has like. actual lesbians in it. not like supergirl Two White Skinny Girls, One Blonde and One Brunette Kiss media, or "its implied lesbianism!!!" but just regular fucking lesbians
#i say lesbians but i guess i mean sapphic#im just like. tired of gnawing#and of men also. sorry men in my life i love you but on god if i have to pretend one more man is butch just to get#content that isnt m/m or m/f im going to turn into a horse and run into the wilderness until im saved from the glue factory by a plucky#young woman except instead of letting her have her formative summer where she trains me and bonds w me and wins a competition w me#im going to commit horse suicide in front of her & change her life forever. just because im so tired of bland CW-marketable women kissing &#digging for scraps in a refuse bin while brushing aside 7002993829292929939292929399394 gay and het romances#m text#i will also take nonfictional lesbians if its like a story#not to be whiny on main but one of the hardest hurdles i had to jump wasnt realizing i was a lesbian. i came out to myself and to friends a#lesbian multiple times. but i would always walk it back when a friend would express doubt or a male friend would ask me out#bc i dont and especially then didnt know very many lesbians in person. and so i had to turn to examples#and all i fucking had were fictional women who liked men. or fictional lesbians who were so cleaned and sanitized and prettified#(you all know what i mean right. the 2 skinny white girls one blonde one brunette. im not crazy right)#and i would be like. i dont feel things when i look at these fictional lesbians so i guess i belong back here#(this is also bc my gender ended up being fuckier than i realized but shhhhh)#I WAS GOING SOMEWHERE WITH THESE TAGS but theyre too long and im lost.#anyway the point is if people werent so fucking weird abt fictional or onscreen lesbians maybe thered be a lot more people comfortable bein#out as lesbian#like sorry but this awful ouroboros of 'all lesbians onscreen have to be cute and sanitized' meaning that people write and believe wlw has#to be cute and pure and sanitized (OR a 'badge of honor' bc good for u u doodled two women together or had it as a background in ur fic)#meaning that therefore all portrayals of lesbianism continue to be like this. is just#and im also gonna be honest theres probably a lot of good sapphic media im just in the wrong circles to have stumbled into lol. so#yknow. personal viewer bias here#but i still like swing wildly between overly brandishing my dykeness as a badge to feel like im proving im lesbian#and like. backing up under a blanket bc i dont wanna be weird or annoying or freak people out#but if people just Saw Normal Ass Lesbians. aough.#im going to watch revolutionary girl utena one of these days even if i struggled w the writing style the first few episodes#I JUST WANNA SEE AN OLD BUTCH ONSCREEN GET SOME PUSSY.#like it also doesnt help im mostly femme4butch so seeing 2 femmes on screen is like. okay cool so what. but only femmes are 'marketable'
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prize for least genre aware protagonist 👑
#no because Thor trusted Loki so much and was oblivious and that's what made the whole thing a tragedy#but Thor was really out there like 'what do you MEAN Loki lied to me about Father's death and my banishment... let me try appealing to him'#except Thor's version of appeal is like a really really bad apology where the person doesn't want to admit they did anything#and also isn't convinced you're hurt#and Thor's SO SURE this plan will work because he knows his brother right#he knows Loki#and his plan which in accordance to him would have worked was to appeal to Loki's good side/the truth of who would be hurt#his plan was to do away with Loki's assumed anger by being like ''noooo don't do this here hit me instead <3''#and he thought Loki wouldn't do it.#which means that before the whole plot shenanigans that would have worked and Loki also wouldn't have hit Thor#Loki watching Thor try to manipulate him by acting like his feelings are invalid the same way Frigga and Odin tried: nice try. thot. *wack*#so anyway Thor got hit and I think that's what u get for being soooooo sure that your little brother who u take for granted won't get hurt#by anything discouraging said or done or implied or being used by u for about him <3#anyway the fact that Thor was SO sure that Loki was reacting badly and would calm down and be normal again is so sad actually#because it means Thor had the experience to know that's how it should have gone#which means when that's not what happened Thor also gets to be the one who has to work through processing that Loki's changed#and I don't think he DID that in the year where Loki was gone#he just neglected thinking about it until Loki was back and suddenly he couldn't pretend his brother had been the same (good) one at death#sad ironic something something character foils too late tragedy#Thor really went out there like i got this and got <beep>slapped fr fr#and then it happened again when he showed up for the Bifrost fight#Thor: i just have to wait it out. we all get angry. he'll get better#Loki: [screaming crying raging shrieking trying to kill him]#Thor: HE'LL GET BETTER#the fact that Thor doesn't expect the lies or the hitting or the unreasonable attitude even when Loki is VERY angry.......... ;-;#Thor watched his brother deteriorate in real time
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If there's one thing I like more than time travel it's crossover reincarnation, so.
Botk link reincarnated as Damian Wayne.
An incredible weapon master of all types, but especially prodigious with a sword - he was beating knights at the age of 4 and with his memories as intact as they get for him I can see that goalpost moving even further (probably with traps and tricks, a 3yo doesn't exactly have great bodily control).
He's an excellent survivalist, agile, strong, durable, cunning and creative. He can move like a feather in the breeze, strike from behind with ease. His first kill, an animal, did not stir him as it did the other children. With his poise, grace, skills, obedience, he ought to be ra'as' finest assassin in the making, a jewel in the crown of the league.
Except he never speaks a word. Half his targets escape unscathed. He skates by true punishment on the merit of his skills and achievements in other missions. Testing has shown it is not a physical deformity that prevents his speech, but not even talia has been able to coaxe a word from him past his second birthday.
It is a defect ra'as is growing more and more frustrated by, as each attempt to fix these two final flaws ends in resounding failure. Less extreme solutions are running dry.
Talia fears those solutions. Her child does too, she knows. For them, there is a possible solution, more extreme than anything ra'as would tolerate.
She sends him out of the league. To his father.
To Gotham.
#'gee phoenix that sure sounds like that dp x dc you're normally rattling on about' yeah lol I steal tropes and sell them on the black market#Anyway this has been slowly rotisserie-ing in my head for a while I just like shaking canon like a magic 8 ball#I'd love to explore how link would react to Gotham and how he might see getting suddenly dumped in a found family as the youngest#And how that contrasts with both his expectations in the league and his role as the saviour last hope of a whole country#Because that kid cannot have a modern interpretation of killing. Like monsters? Kill with prejudice loot the corpses.#The yiga might have a little more hindsight understanding and he never killed them anyway but zero hesitation blowing them up#And ganon is so far removed from the concept of 'killing is bad' because a) human??? Monster??? B) literally the problem#C) he's been killing people so it'd even out d) everyone wants him dead So Bad e) been killed already like a dozen times what's one more#I get the feeling he'd assign the same role to the joker like 'widely considered the source of all evil. 'died' several times and came back#personal source of absolute misery for several heroes. Killed many' = slay the monster. Straightforward.#Like yes link always chooses kindness and has a strong morality and Opinion on killing people it's just a lot would be solved#By hitting the joker until he stopped making life miserable for everyone and if that means permanently well that's kind of link's job.#And like with Jason the bats understand that a lot better than they pretend to. But that is a 10yo who should not be thinking like that.#I think it'd be interesting to see how that'd change their reactions to 'Damian'. Like he holds a very similar opinion to og and Jason he#Just goes about it completely differently.#And I'd love to explore the differences between two fictional worlds and how they can go from pretty much the most black/white morality#To probably one of the greyest areas while still holding near identical themes and methods of dealing with that.#Found family compassion as a weapon against evil and copious amounts of weapons and cool gear lol#Also link should keep the arm he's earned it. Reincarnating with all his memories knocked a few other things loose I'd imagine#Mostly because all the loz games I've played have absolutely altered the way I view any link and also I love referencing them.#Damian with telekinesis and infinite glue would be great. A tiny 10yo sword master choosing instead to drop a dumpster on you#In between hurt comfort link beginning to bond with his family and begin to speak and learn sign language from cass#There's also the sound of explosives and a small figure clinging to a flying door as it crosses the Gotham night skies#Speaking of cass I bet her and link would be great friends in this au.#batman#batfam#bruce wayne#loz au#Loz#loz totk
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I’ve plummeted deep into the brainrot and no soul can even fathom being able to pull me out of it don’t even try because it’s a lost cause :))
Enjoy the silly spur of the moment cover I did while seated in the car Thursday (the 8th if I remember dates correctly). Was on the fence about posting it anywhere but hell why not. I tried to make one with cleaner audio quality but hated how my voice inflections sounded so this is the best version we’ve got a hold of currently!
#oh yes it’s so normal to pretend to be a TV head yes what no absolutely real#it’s funny because if I ever cover one of these songs on YouTube I’d never title them as ‘female cover’ or whatever#I know some people market they’re singing like that when singing a part originally by a male character but-#when I’m singing I want to EMBODY the guy like I want to BECOME him#even just for a moment when singing it’s all an act and getting in character and immersing yourself into the narrative#there ain’t nothing about drawing attention to myself separate from him we morph into the same entity lol#although clearly I could never match up to his vocals like damn#not like it’s a contest anyways tho I just enjoy singing <3#speaking of which I wasn’t sure about posting this anywhere due to glimpses of my face in the reflection#usually I’m discreet about showing myself for personal privacy reasons#however not like it’s taken at a good angle and my face has been exposed by friends or family before (smh lol)#so whatever have it as a bonus treat who even cares#we are just here to enjoy the silly fella singing Broadway and supporting his ambitions here that is what we stand for#hplonesome art#random
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step 1 of watching suits: haha fun plot! look at this little guy pretending to be a law school graduate. yeah this won't have any consequences whatsoever
step 2 of watching suits: oh this little guy and that bigshot lawyer have some good chemistry. yeah they're both committing a crime by having him work at this new york big law firm but it's fun :)
step 3 of watching suits: they're actually facing consequences to their actions now, but oh god i don't want to see either of them lose. yes, they did something terrible but don't we all want to feel a bit special. don't we all feel stuck. doesn't our own ambition swallow us whole. don't we feel insanely loyal to the person who gave us everything. we're going down together. if you go, i go.
#caroline watches tv#suits#anyways. biting them. shaking them.#staring at the characters and laughing nervously because yes i know that they're doing awful things#but also i feel so much for them#i do feel quite a bit for mike because it's like. that frustration of knowing you could have been someone but then something happened#and you were shunted out of a life that you always wanted to have. and you're scrambling to get it back. you're trying so hard.#and when someone presents it to you on a silver platter. yeah you're gonna take it.#and also like. harvey.#like. yes he's morally grey or morally bankrupt (depending on who you ask) but it's like. you're this giant of an attorney who never loses#and you recruit this guy who you know is lying but you're never going to give up on him. you don't want anyone to leave you but you also#don't know how to ask anyone to stay.#which isn't much of an excuse for like. helping commit fraud.#but also. harvey can pretend he doesn't need anyone but the most pathetic truth is that he needs people so badly#and he has no idea what to do with that.#and tbh. i think when he saw mike. he saw a glimmer of something real and earnest and immediately decided to keep him.#and there's so much irony in that? the most genuine person he's ever known is also someone who's going to defraud an entire law firm#something tragic about that but also something so intriguing. anyways i'm normal about this show#i'm normal about them. etc.
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i want sooooo badly to lash out and pull away from everyone but the god damn people pleaser in me .
#sorry to make two personal posts in as many hours but man .#i dont want to go to the family gathering. i dont want to talk to people. i dont want to celebrate holidays.#i dont want to do ANY of this i want to be left alone. smfhhhhhhhhhhhh.#(all this is in context with irl family btw. friends in phone ilysm this doesnt apply to u <3)#like i get that we're all grieving together or whatever. but i want to stop being civil about it.#everyone in my family is very religious and theyre using god and church to cope with this. as people do.#but im NOT religious im in fact the only one in the entire family who's NOT religious and i am not comforted by any of that.#''we need to be grateful for this trial that jesus has given us'' ok well what if i set something on fire.#i just. want to fight someone. bloody fists blood in my mouth kinda fight.#none of this ''good christian sadness'' shit i want to fucking fight someone. biting and clawing like a wild animal because i feel like one#et cetera.#this is senseless and meaningless don't mind me i just donnnnt wanna go to the family gatherings <//3#its like. everyone's SO determined to pretend like everything's fine and normal. carrying on with things like every other year.#and i get that theyre trying to deal with this shit but things are NOT normal. they will in fact never again be normal.#idk. i need to punch someone. i need someone to punch me. and then i need to be alone by myself for 300 years.#winter speaks#personal
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First reprimand for shitty customer service <3. Well first one that wasnt just just my boss laughing and saying a local famous person accused me of stealing their wallet [left it on a shelf].
#no. not even a little bit#some shit#MANY EMOTIONS ABT IT. lol#first being not clear if this is the first actual complaint. or if ther3 were multiple complaints. which i just think is funny...#cmon man. spill the deets what they say abt meeeeee#second. my boss does have a language barrier byt more than that qlso just. seems. uncomfortable... being my boss???#like. as in. clearly tries to skirt around telling me what to do..... but vause this was clearly a pull aside talking to...#i decided to not lie when he asks. do you knoe whsy i mean?#WHAT IT BOILS DOWN TOO....#my bosses are boomers who get sad when ppl dont greet them at stores. i think. fhdhddhf. even tho i DO greet customers. whatevr.#cause im on that PHONEEEEEEEEE#take aways..... well im fueled by. CLOSER THAN EVER. to [kym replacement] quiting my fucking job. due to circumstances. ways and means.#and a side of. god so he was trying make me not. worried i guess. so he said. everyone has there own character and i know ur character.#i know your a good person i dont expect you to pretend and smile at everyone.#HEY. CAN WE UNPACK THAT.........#1. I STILL MASK (LITERAL). so. what do we mean by that.......#2.... i HAVE a customer service VOICE. WHAT THE HELL MAN...... it INVOLVES. doing the smiling intonation at I HATE IT.#=_= receiving accomadations at work -> have been clocked/ ASSIGNED. DOUR PERSONALITY......#maybe you dont... get my cust serv persona... cause.... ur not..... a customer.................. and i work the floor by myself??????????#anyways just. little bit of agonized personal writing i kept LOCKED UP. was right. You never Can be Normal enough.....#but. THIS IS EXTREMELY LONG REPORT. to you.... my fellow bloggers. closest things i have to coworkers....#is just that i guess lol... im bored by it now. godspeed peach and love butt also destruction and hate. whatever.#im pretty sure is is not actually gonna affect much going forward i just. WOW. i continue to not elaborate to ppl irl and do share alls#(or somes...) here.#OKAY WhATEVVER POST
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Just found out I somehow accidentally added “Dirty Night Clowns” by Chris Garneau to my That Girl workout playlist. Some unsuspecting fitness girlie is going to be CONFUSED.
#whoops#this is what I get for pretending to be a normal person who has their life together#betrayed by the dirty night clowns#I might even leave it on there just because it’s so thematically Not what I was going for#that girl#but yknow#not really
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in finland our biggest pride event canceled their partnership with our biggest political party because the party hadn't voted in agreement about our new trans law (to allow self-ID and remove requirement of being sterile (yeah really)) (the party had ruled it a “matter of conscience” and abt 1/3 voted against), and now our news are full of the members of that party being pissed abt it and our likely next prime minister commenting how this is “sad and offends many people”, and ppl are flocking to lament and mock how pride is so intolerable and how u have to have 100% correct opinions in order to participate and i'm
#rat.pov#i KNOW cis ppl who don't care really don't care and can't even pretend to care but somehow it still shocks me how unbelievable this shit is#they're literally like#''OH SO WE AS A PARTY HAD TO BE unanimously against forced sterilisation to be welcomed to your lil gay festival?? you ungrateful shits''#NBSFBEJFBEHJBHRNJETNJRMGNRGRGNERM#THEY DON'T EVEN GET THE ABSURDITY OF WHAT THEY'RE SAYING#some MPs of the party have literally said they won't now attend pride because of this#ok that's cool really don't care except that#yes we know you really Really REALLY don't care abt human rights but could you at least think of a less ridiculous way to announce it#can you imagine your members voting against our human rights might also have offended some people CAN YOU IMAGINE H BHBHRH#(they can't bc ppls brain are full of ''this is not an issue that touches normal real life people'' and ''your everyday person doesn't#even understand trans issues''. if only trans people were real everyday people :/)#also the future prime minister just said ''this is very sad and it does feel like a political move instead of an appropriate one''#??????????????????? i'm at a loss#what the fuck do you even mean.#how. HOW do you expect politics to not be political what the. fUCK is wrong with you grow a GODDAMN BRAIN?#and ppl in general like ''oh so pride is full on political now''#I'M BEGGING YOU.WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN WHAT HAS IT EVER BEEN EXCEPT POLITICAL#i know people think it's a funny gay carnival just to piss off straights and conservative christians but I WISH I COULD LAUGH.#it would be funny if it was#.#sorry to rant on side but i had to scream into a void somewhere
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sweetheart please love me too long my heart’s too strong love me too long sweetheart please let me hold on to these old songs I’ve loved too long
#hi I had two beers in a bar with a bunch of flight attendant colleagues and I'm SAD#the more I interact with normal people the more I see how I'm a fucking weirdo lmao#at least I'm working on my pretending skills#like. I can now pretend I'm a normal person and have loud bar conversations and spend 16 bucks on a beer I know costs 5#but deep down when I get home I know that's just so fundamentally not me...?#and the fact that I can't interact with people showcasing the real me it's just kinda sad#also everyone was talking abt their sex lives and love lives and I was just sitting there laughing along#like I wasn't a 21 year old who no one has ever wanted and hasn't even had their first kiss yet#and the more I interact with people the more I see I'll always be the fat kind kid who no one will ever consider as fuckable#I'm literally the fat friend lmao#I feel like I lost all of the chances I had to change that in high-school#and now I'm an adult who's never kissed anyone and has absolutely zero game#so it'll probably stay like that. that's so fucking sad#I'm going to die not knowing what KISSING feels like. what the fuck.#anyways I'm just tipsy and lonely lol I'm gonna shower and go to bed now#probably put on the ❤️ video and have a little cry sess beforehand and that's ok#we love dying alone and being a unfuckable weirdo!#rambles*
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do u ever speak too soon & immediately regret it.
#yes this is about the trade that just happened three minutes ago#clown shoes of prophecy in the tumblr tags#no i am not Doing Well#I THOUGHT I WAS GODDAMN SAFE FROM THE BRUINS#to be deleted but i am literally resisting the urge to screech like a feral animal in the gym right now i am being soooooo normal#WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME PERSONALLY SPECIFICALLY I’M GOING TO CRY INTO A HOLE I CAN’T DO THIS NARRATIVE IT’S ONLY DYLAN LEFT YOU TOOK HIM#i have to pretend to be normal :) i have to take an exam :) and function as a human being :) instead of crouching like a bug on the floor#and then i will come home and open up the notes app i made two (?) years ago that says ‘if tyler bertuzzi ever gets traded it’s-’#& everyone will be suffering with me. sorry not sorry for the influx of sad bertuzzi posts that are coming like i have Such a relationship#with him as a player &i know he’s the worst but also it really sucks to watch every guy you thought was the core of ur team get traded away#purely narratively speaking in all bemoaning etc etc etc except for the part where we don’t have a gritty net front presence now &#who’s gonna be larks & lucas’ winger & i just cried about tyler in a fight the other day because mickey said ‘i’m sure he wants to protect#those hands but sometimes you can’t you gotta do it for the boys’ & i think mickey said ‘they’ as in the team wants him to not hurt his hand#again but he has to fight & if that isn’t also v much a part of the old gods detroit it was always tyler champion of blood & guts & giving#& regardless of hockey (EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT IT WAS FOR DRAFT PICKS I HATE DRAFT PICKS WHAT ARE U GONNA DO WITH THOSE like at least if#it’s for a guy i could maybe learn to love him but you never remember who you traded to get those draft picks unless it’s narratively r#relevant later but right now it feels like it’s for nothing & i don’t want to learn to love some new guy in five years i miss tyler already)#anyway. ik full well this won’t cause me to actually finish tyler borzoituzzi bc i haven’t even properly started it but i can dream of spite
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im doing one for shinon too bc he deserves it
shinon radiant dawn vc: my mom never hugged me
shinon path of radiance and radiant dawn vc: -treats greil like a respectable father and never mentions his own father literally ever-
shinon radiant dawn death quote: (smiling portrait) “Ugh... This is...such a crock... What a... boring way to die... Co... Commander... Greil... I... I... I'm...” (is he implying “I’m coming to see you again”, based on the quote and smiling portrait?)
#DCB Comments#shinon is one of those characters where the fandom focuses on one single negative trait#and they blow it up completely and pretend it's the only trait he ever has had and ever will have#meanwhile there's a gold mine of information you can figure out just by reading his lines and thinking about why he acts like that#like the whole want for money to live well when they're clearly not super well off mercenaries#or when he takes weapons from dead enemies and gets scolded for it but like can they even afford new weapons regularly?#the way he acts implies he grew up poor and has always been poor and STILL IS but he's there bc he cares about greil#and eventually came to care about everyone else and cares a lot about kids which they had rolf who rly respected shinon#he does what he can to help them raise money when they need it but fact is they always need it#in his quote versus oscar in chapter 18 oscar asks him if promotion is so important and he says it's everything#he clearly has no ill will toward oscar but for shinon getting promoted and getting money in that promotion will help him live well#he's tired of being fucking poor. he doesn't see an issue with wanting to live like you know a normal person should#but ofc everyone sees that he argued with janaff in two supports (which btw janaff egged on HARD and talked shit abt greil#and he also used racist rhetoric back at shinon so like... that whole argument was a two way street#but the fandom ignores that and just calls shinon racist even tho in their A support shinon specifically catches himself#from using a racist term and changes the term he uses so he's not being rude bc he learned he was wrong abt laguz through janaff#and janaff learned he was wrong about beorc through shinon. it was a very development heavy support chain for both of them#the fandom hates on shinon for ''being racist'' even tho he's one of the few non-main characters to actually get full development#and has a complete story from beginning to end between both games and comes out better for it)#i mean that's only a couple examples of things that aren't even hard to read into but ppl like to reduce him to one trait#and one trait that actually gets better and develops through both games. oh no a flawed character who has to have a development journey AAAA#guess what he's perfect specifically bc he's not a boring already perfect and flawless character#he has to get angry and get annoyed and learn from others despite being a grown adult. he has to have negative interactions to grow#he doesn't get to cling to the ADORED main character and get a gay paired ending and be loved for it#which no offense to soren that's not his fault that's the fandom's fault for treating them both the way they do for stupid reasons#i.e. would soren rly be so loved by the fandom if he wasn't tunnel visioned at ike#yes i will take forever to write this out slowly with my injured arm JUST TO GET THIS POINT ACROSS!#HE IS A FANTASTIC CHARACTER EVEN WITHIN THE TELLIUS CAST AND I WILL FIGHT FOR HIM11!!111!!!1!#also i wrote this earlier between those asks no im not that speedy lel. much less with a bandaged arm l e l
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