#this is what I do instead of working on my MA thesis

[ghaasy]

Enjoltaire based on this Challengers scene

[pennyellee]

𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐗𝐈𝐑 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐞𝐰

title: ELIXIR pairings: mafia hoseok x female reader genre: dark romance, smut, porn with plot, 90s, arranged marriage, childhood friends to lovers word count: 22K/tba release date: 02.18.25 beta read by one and only @chaoticpuff17

prompt 1: "And I won't be satisfied till we're taking those vows" prompt 2: you were apparently promised to the heir of Jung's criminal empire since birth, not that you ever took that ongoing inside joke seriously. You grew up alongside the said man, yet your mind is conflicted about upholding your part and saying I do until one drunken night reveals a lot more than you'd like.

warnings: minors dni 18+ | explicit language, hurt men's ego, mild yandere behaviour (warnings were reduced to avoid spoilers)

author's note: ionoiafhoianfoaif, yalllll, I was writing this like foreveeeeerrrrr. So this is where it all basically started in my head when I created the retelling of what happened around the year 1996. Still, somehow Champagne Confetti and Anubis got out first, mainly because I will continue them, but this is one shot exclusively (I'm open to filler tho). Why? The story of Princess and Hoseok never dies throughout both the fics that are already out and those that will only come. Mainly with Anubis' chapters, you'll get to see them. I'm just as nervous to put this out as I am with every fic but very excited to throw Elixir in the world. I'm simultaneously working on my MA diploma thesis so bear with me when I'm radio silent, but I love you all! I appreciate you reading my stuff my good little fairies ♥ I'll see ya at Hobi's birthday! ♥ Enjoy!

disclaimer: this story is purely fictional, it does not depict real-life events or involve any actual members of BTS. This story will contain depictions of violence, bloodshed, death, mentions of abuse, smoking, alcohol drinking, illegal activities, and old social norms and traditions, which we do not condone.

main masterlist 𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐗𝐈𝐑

Winter 1995 You spotted Hoseok seated at the table, a serene picture of composure, his fingers curled around a steaming cup of coffee he enjoys in the mornings.

He looked up at your approach, his eyes locking onto yours. There was no trace of anger on his face, no sharp edge to his expression. If anything, he seemed calm, almost disarming.

"Hobi—" you started before he quickly interrupted you.

"Sit down," he said a bit more firmer than he'd want to, gesturing to the seat across from him.

You hesitated for a moment before lowering yourself into the chair, acutely aware of the weight of the moment. A plate of food sat before you, untouched. Your stomach churned, but the thought of eating felt impossible.

"Are you?—"

"I'm not mad, no," he cut you off gently, surprising you, as if he knew what you were suggesting before you even managed to let those words roll on your tongue.

"So?—" you echoed hesitantly, your voice barely above a whisper. You didn't know what to expect now. Maybe it would be better if he'd be mad and you knew that you have to make it better just like it used to be, instead he is not showing any kind of position in this situation and that was making you uneasy beyond comparison.

Hoseok leaned back in his chair, exhaling deeply.

"You're still here. That's what matters to me for now." He began, his tone measured. For now. Hoseok was always skilled at this—at saying something that sounded kind but felt like a command.

"I panicked," you admitted softly, the honesty slipping out before you could stop it.

"I know, baby, you chose wrong—" he replied, his gaze unwavering.

"—twice," he added fuel to the fire, salt to the wound. But you knew why. He wanted you to submit to him, and he needed to work overtime to do so.

"You need to show me you're willing to make this right, love," you swallowed hard, the tightness in your throat making it nearly impossible to respond. His aura and magnitude of how he could move you however he liked now was overwhelming. You cannot run away, not when he dragged you back to this place instead of his brownstone at 57th street. You're not only under his surveillance here, but the Kkangpae and the rest of the family.

“What’s it gonna be? Cuz’ I can’t fucking pretend anymore–” 

His gaze dropped to the table for a moment before he reached into his pocket. You stiffened instinctively, already guessing what he was about to do. Sure enough, his hand emerged clutching the familiar black velvet box. The sight of it made your chest tighten.

"Hoseok," you said softly, your voice trembling with unease. "Please—"

"I don't think I will be so forgiving if you'll choose wrong for a third time, Princess." He ignored your plea, opening the box to reveal the ring again. The one you'd angrily thrown at him that fateful night when he tried to force it down your finger after you explicitly said no to him.

The one that symbolised everything you were not ready to accept, but you had to. It glimmered in the soft light of the room, deceptively beautiful.

"I'm done asking," he said firmly, his eyes locking onto yours. Your breath hitched, but before you could speak, Hoseok reached across the table and took your hand in his. His touch was warm, grounding, yet the weight of his action was suffocating.

You tried to pull your hand back, but his grip tightened—not painfully, but enough to make it clear you weren't going anywhere. With deliberate precision, he slid the emerald ring onto your finger.

"There," he said, his voice softening just enough to send a shiver down your spine. "That wasn't so hard, was it?"

You stared at the emerald ring, your mind racing. It looked almost serene on your finger, as if it had always belonged there. Hoseok sat back, satisfied, his lips curling into a faint smile.

Before you could respond, the soft thuds of certain leather shoes announced another arrival.

"Joon-ah!" Hoseok greeted, leaning back in his chair. "I assume there's news?"

Namjoon glanced at you briefly, then back to Hoseok. "Yes. We've made progress with the Anubis situation. The distilleries have been secured, but the reports of interference need attention."

"Anubis situation?" You echoed Namjoon's words. Hoseok's smile didn't falter, but there was a subtle shift in his demeanour. His gaze flicked to you, and for a moment, you thought he might dismiss your question. Instead, he leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table, his fingers interlacing.

"Nothing for you to worry about," he said smoothly, his voice laced with a quiet finality that suggested the topic was closed.

Namjoon, however, wasn't as careful with his expression. His brow furrowed ever so slightly, a crack in the façade of calm efficiency he usually wore. It was gone as quickly as it came, but you caught it, and it only fuelled your curiosity.

"Anubis is my responsibility, Hoseok, you cannot—" you pressed, your tone sharper now. You'd learned long ago that brushing things under the rug only meant tripping over them later.

"Not anymore."

Hoseok's words cut through the room with an authority that left no room for argument. He leaned back in his chair, exuding an air of complete control, his eyes locked on yours with a quiet intensity.

"What?!" You breathed out rather loudly now.

"Not anymore," he repeated, slower this time as if daring you to challenge him. And challenge him you did.

"Hoseok," you tried again, your voice quieter this time, laced with both frustration and fear. "This isn't—"

"I gotta punish you somehow, Princess," his one was calm, almost casual, but the weight behind his words was anything but. Your stomach churned as his lips curved into a faint, disarming smile—a predator's smile hidden beneath a veil of warmth.

"Punish me?" you repeated, your voice trembling despite your best efforts to steady it. "Exactly for what you gotta punish me, Hoseok?

"For running," he said, the amusement in his voice doing little to soften the hurt he felt inside. "For throwing the ring. For abandoning me this morning after we made love last night—"

You opened your mouth to argue, but he cut you off with a raised hand. "Don't misunderstand me, Princess. I'm not angry. But actions have consequences."

Your heart pounded against your ribs, the rhythm chaotic and uneven. His calm demeanour made it worse. It took one wide-eyed glance for Namjoon to excuse himself and quickly retreat to Kkangpae's office to leave you two alone.

The sound of the door clicking shut behind Namjoon seemed louder in the heavy silence that followed. Your eyes darted to it, half-hoping for an interruption, but it was futile. Hoseok's gaze was fixed on you, unrelenting and unreadable, trapping you in this moment.

"Hoseok," you began, your voice trembling. "This isn't fair. You can't just—"

"I can," he interrupted his tone steady but brooking no argument. "And I will. You know I don't take betrayal lightly."

"Betrayal?" you repeated, the word stinging as it left your lips. "Is that what you think this is? Hoseok, I—"

"You ran," he said simply, leaning forward, his elbows resting on the table. His fingers interlocked, creating a casual posture that only heightened your unease. "You left me, you threw the ring at me, you abandoned what we're building. Call it whatever you want, Princess, but to me? That's betrayal."

Your breath caught, the weight of his words pressing down on your chest. "I needed time," you whispered. "Time to think, to—"

No, you needed Mark. But you also needed your best friend.

"Think?" Hoseok's laughter was soft, almost amused, but it didn't reach his eyes. "What is there to think about? You're mine. You've always been mine. And this?" He gestured to the ring now firmly on your finger. "This makes it only official."

"You can't force me to—" you said, the defiance in your voice surprising even you. This was never a discourse you or Hobi ever had. Everything was thought to be just platonic. Not for him.

"To what?" he asked, cutting you off again. His tone was low, dangerously calm. "To wear a ring? To stay by my side? To stop running every time things don't go the way you want?"

You flinched, the truth in his words hitting too close to home. Hoseok sighed, his expression softening just enough to make your heart ache. You were running each time you did not feel like the family was doing you justice. And each time it was Hoseok who came to talk sense into you. But this is different. You are not kids anymore, or teenagers. This is serious. Hoseok is serious this time.

"You know what Anubis means to me—"

"And you still thought it was something you could just walk away from?"

You clenched your fists, your nails biting into your palms as the urge to argue warred with the fear.

"I didn't walk away from Anubis," you said, your voice barely above a whisper. "I just... I needed space, Hoseok."

"You said you were tired, love."

"You misunderstood—" Hoseok shook his head slowly, cutting you off once again, his gaze hardening.

"I never wanted it to come to this," Hoseok said, his voice softening as he reached across the table, his hand brushing against yours. "But you forced my hand, Princess. And now, you don't get to run anymore. Not from me. Not from us."

"But Anubis—"

"It's still yours. But until you learn your place, Namjoon will suffice."

You bit your lip, caught between the suffocating desire to fight back but all you could do is shut your mouth and obey, telling yourself that this is only temporary.

He was, indeed, not mad.

.

.

.

.

𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝟎𝟐.𝟏𝟖.𝟐𝟓

©pennyellee. please do not repost

tag list: if you want to be notified once the full story is up for reading, you can write in the comments and I'll create a tag list!

Don't be a silent reader, let's be friends chummers! ♥

lots of love, p.

[anyroads]

This is what the left needs to learn to do, and that very much includes Congressional Democrats.

Yes, Republicans win elections because their voters turn out and are united, and the left is busy bickering and infighting.

However. Republicans and the right have been controlling the conversation for decades and Democrats and the left are usually reactive. They aren't in control of the conversation, because they don't reframe it; instead they just respond to the right wing talking points that are framed as "got ya"s and allow issues to be reduced to two sides of an argument the Republicans are writing the thesis of.

Please stop letting them. When an issue comes up, the answer isn't "do I agree or not?" The answer is, "who is saying this, why are they saying it, who benefits from saying it, what factors are at play, and is this a good use of time, energy, and public resources?"

There was a brief respite from this in 2012 when Obama won re-election. He had been pushing for the ACA (Affordable Care Act) and affordable college tuitions. The Republicans, with Mitt Romney as their candidate, were trying to win on hot button issues and hoped to derail the Democrats' talking points by riling people up over gay marriage. Except it didn't work - because Obama was very good at getting voters to think, "my neighbor's personal life doesn't affect me, but I need health care and my kids need to go to college." It also helped that Mitt Romney was an absurdly wealthy Mormon who was removed from the everyday reality of the voters he was talking to, not to mention he had the charisma of a celery leaf, and what stuck to him most was when a young guy in a town hall q&a asked him what he's gonna do cause he can't pay for college, and Romney answered, "just ask your parents for money." Obama regained control Republicans had held over the national political discourse for over a decade by reframing their talking points and bringing more relevant ones of his own.

The point is, the Republicans are doing, on a national scale, what people engage in every day on social media now - they're yelling about bigoted nonsense because they want you to get wrapped up in the argument of "I am for the nonsense/against the nonsense" and we have to stop letting them. We have to do what the above Rep. Balint does here, and be able to stop and say, "this nonsense is overblown and does not put food on the table of the hungry, it does not give healthcare to the sick, it does not send anyone to college." We have to get better at saying, "why are you so obsessed with inspecting children's genitals, is it because you're detracting from the school lunches you just took from them with the legislation you signed?" etc.

We have to stop taking the bait the trolls are leaving out, and we have to stop passively consuming content and discourse, and we have to start actively bringing up the subjects we want discussed and our opinions along with it. Every single person, not just the political reps and online influencers (eurgh) we've elected to do in our stead. It starts with you bringing up a subject with your own perspective to your family and friends, instead of waiting for Uncle Transphobe Foxnewsington to go on his rant at Thanksgiving.

10000000% trans people deserve dignity, acceptance, and equality, as does everyone. But in order to achieve that we sometimes have to argue pragmatically, instead of moralistically. What I mean is, while my gut instinct, like most decent people's, is to respond to transphobia like in the above video with booing and saying, "trans rights are human rights!" it will also do nothing to convince that man of my perspective, whereas Rep. Balint's response gives him information, gives a pragmatic perspective that aligns with her responsibility as a public servant to all (not just the people who voted for her), and allows him to retain his dignity in a way that is more likely to prevent him from digging his heels in. I guarantee you, that even if that man didn't change his mind that day, he felt he was treated with respect and that made him listen to her - and that will have been the best chance for planting the seed of a new perspective in his mind and allowed for the possibility of him changing his stance much more than if she'd just given a a moralistic response that made him feel judged and looked down on. Strategy is everything, and we have to stop letting the right dictate it.

[hellsfirekeepsyouwarm]

hi! I just saw your requests are open and I love your writing and was wondering if you can do something with either ghost or gaz where reader is going to school for their masters in communications while working with the 141 and asks them to read their thesis but instead ghost/gaz makes them take a break/go to bed or something? I've been reworking my thesis from this last semester and I'm losing my mind lol....keep up the amazing writing and thank you so much love!

Here To Serve

Hello love! Thanks for coming my way with this ask because i just needed an excuse to write for Gaz. :D Be prepared to be fall in love with this man, i did. I tried to keep it simple, i hope you'll like it.

Kyle "Gaz" Garrick x Reader

Summary: Gaz finds you glued to you computer, tired an worn out and he takes the matter in his hands.

Uh-oh. It slips out of Kyle's mouth when he stops in front of his flat. He hears the last notes of Rihanna's Umbrella song before some classical takes over, even louder. He can't hear his own keys jingle opening the door, he can hear every instrument from the blasting music, ears already ringing. He can't prepare himself for the sight hat he's about to see.

You are just a small figure on the sofa, completely buried in papers, books and sharpies. And he can't help but chuckle at how lost you look, a manic expression on your troubled face, furiously typing on the keyboard. He's sure if you see him standing there, a smile on his face while you are on the edge of going crazy, you'll bite his head of for being so insensitive. He would watch you longer if the damn music wouldn't rip his brain out.

The room is a mess, and he finds the speaker under another pile of scratched out paper. He just lowers the volume, your head snaps up immediately at the loss of the stimulating background noise.

You look honestly horrifying.

"Oh no. You are home early." You smile, sheepish, almost embarrassed. Your eyes are glossy, makeup smudged over your cheek, messy hair peeking out of his grey hoodie that you are wearing.

You sudden surprise to see him sooner than you thought is quick to dissolve, you start rambling when Gaz sends you that scolding gaze. "Okay, so i had an idea. But that turned out worse than the previous one. So i had to rewrite half of it. But then i realized i may or ma no the original one better, so i..."

"Love.." Gaz puts down the Mexican food he got on his way home, finding his way to you over books and random stuff he wouldn't think about using while preparing for a thesis. Crouching next to you, a soft look easing the tension in your shoulders. "We talked about this."

"But i done it. Seriously." You turn your laptop towards him, to show a folder that was there weeks ago, perfect and ready. "I just need you to read it and tell me what's wrong with it."

Gaz shakes his head with a faint smile. "Oh no, no more of that nonsense. Give it to me."

With that, the computer is out of your reach, his skillful hands stealing it from your iron grip you had on it for hours now. You just now feel your sweaty palms, and an aching back and neck. "No, Kyle, please. I gotta double check if it's okay now."

"You will not do such thing tonight, and if it's up to me, ever." He take the laptop to the other end of the room, saving the folder beforeshutting it down. You want to protest more, but honestly your body is like stone, rooted on the same spot where you sat down in the early afternoon.

He's wearing casual clothes, one of your favorite jacket, that dark brown leather one, his skin is glowing from the wetness of the rain, cologne leaving a scent trail behind. You missed him so much.

You sigh, defeated, you know he won't let you touch anything that is related to your studies.

He walks back to you, your tired eyes searching for comfort in his gaze that he's more than happy to offer with a quick peck on your lips when gets back to you. He brushes the hair out of your face, soft fingertips caressing your skin. He doesn't linger too long, turning to the bag he placed on table, probably finding the only free space on it.

"Hey, where are you going?" You pout, unhappy about his absence in your personal space. He has that calming effect on you, and the loss of it makes your brain tick, circling back to your thesis.

"Uh-uh, do not think about it! I brought food, just gon' grab soda from the fridge and we can dug in, copy?" You nod, starting to arrange the books on the table, pushing everything in a big unstable pile in the middle.

He returns quickly, flashing a wide smile, eyes sparkling with love. You watch him fish out the food from the takeaway bag, the smell of Mexican food hitting your nose. He places mystery food bags in front of, making you wonder what deliciousness is inside them. "There you go, love."

You dive in together, eating in silence, a soft piano and violin duo making some background noise, occasionally letting out some huffs and satisfied hums.

You both watch the other in secret, laughing like teenagers when catching a glimpse of the other staring. Times like this you remember how young you both are, despite the lifes you live. On the field, his youthfulness presents itself as strength in body and mind, in quick reflexes and sharp ideas. At home, he is just a guy, feeding his significant other, making sure they are well rested and cared for. He's an idiot in love.

You inhaled you food while he eats comfortably, no rush in it. So you just memorize this moment, him eating in complete piece, enjoying the flavors, shutting his eyes for a seconds longer, maybe the taste is better that way. You are in awe of how full of life he is, and you would be the happiest person on this earth to keep watching him.

He opens his eyes, the last bite gone too. "Wha?" He's bushing, his accent popping off with the question.

"Nothing." You hold up both your hands, or rather the arms of the hoodie that swallowed your limbs.

Breath caught in his throat every time he sees you in his clothes. Yeah, you wore it ten minutes ago too, when he arrived home, but as your face beams like the rays of sunshine, a stupid smile plastered on your perfect lips, your body hiding under his own clothing, he feels like he's in heaven. His scent hugging your skin, the thought that you are so cozy in his clothes is just intoxicating. Makes his heart skip a beat.

"Come 'ere." That voice, raspy like in the mornings, when hes turned on, or when his emotions strike him at once. He pulls you close to his side, arm hugging you close, securing your body next to his. You snake your limbs over his body, leg hooked in his, arm grabbing his shirt for support.

When you settle, he sighs into your hair, planting small kisses on the crown of your head.

"Thanks for the dinner." You smile, turning our face upwards to meet with his gaze. "And for the distraction."

"Anytime, love. Here to serve." His cheeky smile makes you giggle, oh how madly in love you are with him.

"Hmmm... Well in that case, where the hell is the dessert soldier?" You ask, not able to hide your smile.

"Your dessert is right here, darling." He point at himself, utterly proud of his answer.

You laugh into his mouth, closing that already small distance between your lips, sharing a longing kiss. A kiss you yearn all day.

You break the kiss, trying to be as serious as you can. "But you brought dessert, right?"

He laughs, head thrown back, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down. "Yeah, i brought dessert."

He kisses you with fiery eyes, tenderly, lovingly, the softest way a man is capable of. That dessert might have to wait a little more.

[ferindencadash]

Ranting here because I need to get it out of my system and this is my most anonymous platform.

I'm working on my second draft of my ethics for my MA thesis. I've been stuck on this FOREVER because every time I open the list of revisions given to me I get SO ANGRY I want to puke/cry.

My reviewer is a white, cishet, boomer, who is the most notoriously conservative prof in the arts department at an already nauseatingly conservative university. I'm doing my thesis on queer youth aging out of foster care.

This man telling me, a queer and trans person who has been a loud and proud member of the community for over 20 years, what is "offensive" to queer and trans people is a level of audacity I do not know how to deal with in a professional manner.

Examples:

"the word queer is offensive" (yes I am well aware of the controversy around the term and would never apply it to someone who doesn't want me to)

"please use 'preferred pronouns' instead of 'pronouns" (I absolutely will not, go fuck yourself my dude)

I hate grad school. I hate this university. I have so many regrets. I am full of queer rage.

[bamgyw]

you are incredible, you know that ?

the way i was just looking for some quick fun a few days ago, clicking on whatever and then i stumbled upon 6 nights and got immediately sucked in, hell within seconds i was at the beginning of sucker punch, all that heavy darkness weighing on me yet i couldn't look away, not for a second, i could not risk loosing this world that made me feel horrible yet strangely at ease, after all, it reeked of home.

you have one hell of a voice, i'd call it "opressive" (very fitting with the enviroment you are potraying ), whenever i'm trying to be like nah that's way too gloomy, too hyperbolized, you tell me to sit my ass down and accept the rules of the world you have created. I do and i get rewarded, that's the thing, you know how to reward the reader, you keep buidling up the tension, keep layering up the gloom only for it to lead to the best catharsis imaginable - yes, i'm talking about the troath fucking scene, at that point i could not even be horny anymore, i was just in shambles, it felt like my ribcage was gonna open up and let out all the screams i've ever burried within.

AND YOUR DIALOGUES, the way you work with silence, that brief conversation between soogyu after bg sees her for the first time has been stuck in my mind for days now, i see it almost as a movie scene. literally the simplest interaction can add up so much to the characters if handled well and you handle it SO well. there are also other lines that are very dear to me, cockteasing slut is definitely one of them and i can't help but alsolutely adore 'daddy thinks he's god's chosen one, but you keep outplaying him. so what does that make you ?' , such a perfect little line, makes her seem so alienated, so naive, i love it.

i'm obsessed with the way you're slowly crafting soobin, a side character but you don't miss a single chance with him, every single apperance he gets you make him even weirder, even hotter. much like the girls watching the entire hp series only for those 15 mins of draco, i'll gladly reread the entire six nights again only to go trough that thrill of you gradually revealing soobin. can't wait to see what you're gonna do with him

i could talk about your work forever but one last thing, the most important one. thank you so much for justifying or even just writing about the anger of those of us who went trough something similar. thank you so much for being there for all the past, helpless versions of me - the one whose ocd created a beautiful blend with the religious indoctrination and made her say 100 lord prayer's as a punishment for masturbating, the one who asked her parents for help regarding her mental ilness and got told it's the devil inside of her and instead they took her to a priest,  the one who cried for days, seeing no future for herself whatsover after she started realizing she's attracted to women, the one who had to observe how the self image of every woman of the house got torn to pieces by her daddy  and other daddy like figures.

we were so alone in those houses, we only had that anger. and you write about it beautifully. just that scene where you compare her taking his dick to recieving the body of christ. oh, that's all of that beautiful, painful anger. feels like standing up to them, for all the past versions of ourselves who could not.

phew, ok, back to writing that ma thesis, i had to get this out of my chest

also, I noticed somebody asking for a happy ending and while i'm a firm believer that it's completely up to you i can't help but dream of an ending so tragic that it would completely fuck me over :)

- could i 🐇?

well. i smiled not in a giggly kicking my feet kind of way but in a heartwarming fulfillment kind of way.

i really appreciate what you said about the hyperbolic style. i'm very aware of it. the melodramatic voice comes out because it's the one i have, but then it's my job to justify it and adapt it to the specific type of narration each story needs. i don't know if i'm making any sense, it's just. that particular observation was so heartening.

every time i post the final text i've read and gone through it so many times that i can't even tell if it's decent anymore, it's just whatever. but thank you so much for allowing me to see it through your eyes in this way that is not vainly flattering but substantial.

it means a lot to me, specially since i'm currently struggling to put out the fourth night because fucking nothing feels fucking good enough. but thanks to you i have this new thought of i've done it before which means i can do it again.

you thank me for 'justifying the anger', but the anger is not to be justified, it's the direct consequence of a cause and that's fucking abuse. psychological, physical, whatever.

kids aren't born evil. they're treated like fucking moronic puppets to encage and lie to all through childhood and adolescence. be it at home, at school, at church, or anywhere else. so when they realize they're being treated like garbage by their alleged protectors they understandably act up, that's if they're not too scarred to act at all. and then they get punished because it's just too fucking easy to yell at a kid.

i wish i had some more mellow and emotional words to acknowledge your experience, but it's a very political and angering issue for me.

i went to a catholic school. we'd get hit with a ruler on our fingers just for not sitting the correct way, or forgetting to bring a pencil, or holding another girl's hand. and things like that just happen because a kid won't hit you back. it's a power dynamic, the ruler and the ruled.

so anyway. six nights is meant to be enjoyed in many different ways, all of them valid, but i just want you to know that i see and i share and i value your particular way of reading it.

six nights is a far from perfect work and i keep regretting and feeling insecure about so many things, but it's still thorough and intimate and very dear to me as it is. so thank you so so much.

of course you can be bunny anon and i wanna hear from you all the time.

i can't say anything about the ending. i'm just gonna wink. ;)

[glamorouspixels]

We've reached the point where I need to ramble about uni again (apologies to everyone seeing this on their dash). I'm working on my BA thesis and getting ready to take the second of two final oral exams that make up the final assessment of my degree. I did the first in early July and it was the worst I've felt since my burnout year. It feels genuinely impossible to survive the second without losing more of myself in the process. I've sacrificed so much for this stupid degree. My life consists of nothing but studying and writing. My attention span has suffered so much that I can no longer read more than a couple of sentences with my eyes and rely on text-to-speech readers for almost everything. Reading fic is so hard even though I desperately want to do it, and I have several-hours-long gaps in my days every single day where I just sort of float through time because I'm too exhausted to make myself focus for another second.

And I just… I can't see myself surviving my Master's degree. It's only ("only") twenty courses compared to the sixty that made up my BA, but ten of them require you to write massive papers, and your final assessment once again consists of two (far bigger) oral exams and a fucking 85-page thesis. The only thing I know for certain is that I need to get out. I can't afford to do both my MA and my PhD abroad, and since the only place I can see myself surviving a full-time job is academia I need to do my MA here before I can leave. You're supposed to do all of the above in two years and it's taken me nine semesters to finish my BA instead of six. I don't want to be stuck here for another three to four years while I suffer through another degree that is so unnecessarily hard compared to degrees at the same level in other countries. I am so fucking tired of this bullshit.

Also, something else I can't really talk about has been happening on the side and making it even harder to push myself through the other stuff the way I normally would. The second anything bad happens, my mind goes to this one specific thing and place I want to go to for comfort, but I can't. It's made things so much harder these past few months. And I keep asking myself if the correct course of action would be to take said thing out of my life entirely because there is so much potential for future pain there and it's almost inevitable that something painful will happen at some point. But I don't want to give up something so incredible that makes me so happy either. Anyway I've been trying to cope by writing fics about it. I hope you guys like extremely comfort-focused hurt/comfort because that's what you'll be getting for the next couple of months 😅

[suit-of-cups]

Hi, I’m new to the Tumblr pagan/polytheist-sphere, and I was inspired by my research on Sappho and Aphrodite (I'm slowly working on defining modern Sapphic rhetoric and modern Sapphic online and offline spaces) for my MA thesis to look into polytheism. I' also identify as a sapphic woman so this topic is in general very fun for me to learn about. I really like your blog, and I'm curious if you just worship deities, or do you worship heroes, spirits, etc. as well? Would you be interested in worshiping Sappho, for example? Also, would it be okay if I included your answer in my project? If not, totally cool! ☺️ and if so, thats great too. (I can def give you more info about what I'm doing if you'd like as well.)

Hi! I’d be more than happy for my answer to be in your project(if it makes sense, if not I'm happy to try and explain more). I may also put a few disclaimers in here just so that people don't think I'm against their beliefs, just that I don't personally follow them and I support others that may have differing beliefs,! (can you tell I get anxious easily)

I currently only worship deities simply because of their aspects of them being divine beings and having domain over situations, much like other religions I will look towards them for guidance in situations and for help in aiding me when I feel there is a need, and simply try to create a relationship with them. I will find myself more relying on deities/gods as I believe that while they won't influence everything or always answer my prayers, they do have the power to alter situations in their domain and if they were to answer then they would have the ability to do so. (when I say domain I mean the things they are known to have control over, such as Lord Apollon and music).

I have been looking into heroes, but (from what I've found and it may be incorrect) it’s a very different process than to the gods, you're more honouring them than worshipping. I've found myself thinking of heroes in situations that may be similar to theirs, but I am often not going to them for situations where I feel genuinely in need for guidance, as I would prefer to go towards one of my gods instead.

With spirits I find its a slight more difficult topic for myself as I distinguish them in 2 or 3 categorise.

(This part might be controversial, and I don't frown on those that do this, its just a personal opinion) If we're talking about spirits of those that have passed, such as ancestors, I'm a big believer in leaving the dead undisturbed and respecting their beliefs(such as how they're buried and what with), and as I have no knowledge of what their relationship to spirituality was I don't want to do something against their belief. Such as some people believe that communicating with the dead is some form of 'devil worship' so trying to work with them after their dead would be disrespectful of their beliefs, and while their opinion may have changed after being dead or be willing to communicate, I would much rather keep my distance and leave them to rest, as while others have reasons to communicate with these spirits, I don't.

Additionally, I wouldn't include heroes into that section as spirits as I feel they have been communicated with for years and many people have positive relationships with them so I feel as though we have an understanding on their belief with communication after death.

If we're more referencing spirits in the daemones sense (personified spirits), then I do actively worship them, such as Lady Mnemosyne, and I hold them to the same level if divinity as the rest of the Olympians, much like I do with the Titans. I find that that I may think of them or worship them during times of heightened specific emotions, such as if I'm having a period of disrupted sleep, I may pray towards Lord Hypnos, or if I'm looking for justice in a situation I may look towards Lady Dike as well as other gods.

If we're talking about spirits that don't fit into these categorise then I have very little interaction or opinion on them, but if people have other information on them I'd be willing to look into it and it may alter my opinion.

(I would personally place Sappho into the 'heroes' section) I’m not sure if I would worship Sappho simply because of what I personally relate her too, which is literature and writing. While I do enjoy these things, and may look to her for inspiration if I'm writing or reading something, but its not the most prominent aspect of my life and I would be more likely to turn to the gods in these situations. I also know some people may worship her in relation to her sexuality and relation to love, but, while I very rarely pray for love related matters anyway, I would feel more comfortable looking towards gods that have domain over it, however I can see why some people may try to get advice from heroes.

Also sorry for the late reply, I was trying to gather my thoughts on the subject and lay it out in a way that makes sense, and feel free to send another ask if you want any more info or if this doesn't explain it well. (I may also edit it if I find any mistakes or feel I could explain better, but I hope this makes sense)

[bimbosymzs]

Black artist exploration: Ruth E Carter

The Academy Award winner and Hampton Alum, best known for her costume design in The Black Panther film series and numerous Spike Lee films has been at it for over 40 years. Let's do a run-down of her decades-long career.

🪡🧵🪡🧵🪡🧵🪡🧵🪡🧵The Phenomenal Ruth Carter🪡🧵🪡🧵🪡🧵🪡🧵🪡🧵🪡🧵

Ruth E. Carter´s Beginnings

Ruth E. Carter was born and raised in Springfield, MA. Initially, Carter saw herself on stage instead of backstage, starring in numerous uni productions as a theatre major during her time at Hampton. She picked up her sewing skills as a teenager practicing with different sewing patterns and used that as a part of her way to express herself as she was the youngest of 8. It was during her time at Hampton that a professor asked her to help in the costume department, and she found her true passion in costume design. She had a small workshop where she created costumes for the theatre department, the travel dance companies, the campus musicals, and the steppers.

In an interview with American Matters she discussed where her love for costume design began: ¨...I realized that it was an artistic medium. And I got to see my work on stage and look at color balance and relationships between people by what they were wearing, and it allowed me to step outside of my desire to be on stage and inside the story, it allowed me to step outside the story and orchestrate what I was doing with all the characters. And that’s how I fell in love with it. I thought this is big. It felt bigger than just playing the one character.¨

After graduating, she went back home and interned at her local theater for a year. The next year, she went across the country to New Mexico to intern with the Santa Fe Opera. She was dedicated to growing her craft, and it was during this time that she truly fell in love with costume design and felt like she was stepping into something new. She moved to LA at 26, and later that year, she worked with the Los Angeles Theatre Center and worked her way up to an administration job. Carter realized over time that administration was not what she wanted and found an opportunity to travel with a dance company as their costume designer. It was at this time she met Spike Lee.

Meeting Spike Lee would redirect Carter to her true passion for creating costumes for film and TV. At the time, Spike Lee had begun production on She´s Gotta Have It and asked Carter to consider working on a student thesis film. It was during this time she understood how film wasn't so focused on bravado as theatre arts were, the focus was more dedicated to showcasing the details, or the subtleties of characters. She understood that even everyday people, in their everyday lives, are telling stories through the clothes they wear and how they wear them.

In an interview with NPR´s Fresh Air: ¨There is someone that you personify in that vision of yourself, in your mind, and there's also that vision of someone who we see, the representative of you. And that's where fashion stops and costume begins, because we create a mood for ourselves. We create a voice that we want to project to the world without us saying a word. And that's what costumes do. They communicate amongst each other. Either they're collaborative or they are in opposition. They say who you are or who you want to be or how you want to be perceived. And that's the part of clothing that can be so simple and yet so complicated.¨

Her Most Iconic Designs

Malcolm X directed by Spike Lee (1992)

To create the costumes for this project Ruth was blessed with the opportunity to interview Betty Shabazz about her time with Malcolm and who he was behind closed doors. She also was granted access to his prison letters allowing for a more intimate understanding of who this person was before he became Malcolm X. To build a costume for a real person, she looked into his personal history and textile history from the 1920s to '60s. The costume design for Malcolm X would grant her the first of multiple prestigious film nominations, garnering an Oscar Nomination.

Carter describes the costuming for Malcolm X: ¨...each stage in his life deserved a different color palette since his mindset was different in all the stages of his life. When he is Malcolm Little and Detroit Red, the color palette is playful with the zoot suits. When he is incarcerated, the palette is a blue like he is being cleansed. When he emerges as Malcolm X, there are black, white, and grey notes for his clean, strict, and unwavering devotion to the nation of Islam." This dark suit, was worn during the time that Malcolm X was fully immersed in the nation of Islam.¨

Black Panther (2018) and Wakanda Forever (2022)

Black Panther and Black Panther: Wakanda Forever would grant Ruth her first and second Oscar win for outstanding Costume Design. Her designs sit on display at the North Carolina Art Museum honoring her ability to tap into Afro-futurism in design. For these projects she studied not only the comics but kept a specific imagery in mind and remain dedicated to the artistry and storytelling of traditional clothing around Africa, specifically South Africa. Within the story there were multiple fictional tribes represented, a heritage of beading, pattern work, and specific garments were important in portraying the station at which the different characters existed, taking from real life examples instead of creating her own separate designs.

From Ruth E Carter´s website on designing the costumes for Black Panther (2018) When Carter was in the initial planning stages for the film, she printed out four words and pinned them to her wall: beautiful, positive, forward, and colorful. These adjectives guided her process and can all be used to describe the stunning Black Panther costumes, which merge technology and tradition. “I think people will be able to contextualize and look at African art and appreciate it so much differently. That’s what we did: We appreciated it, we reimagined it, we took it to another level, another place, and there were inspirations everywhere!” 

School Daze (1988)

The 1988 film would be the first of many projects Spike Lee and Carter would collaborate on together. This film was inspired by Lee's times at Morehouse and touched on numerous -isms that exist within the Black community, specifically being exasperated in a college setting. For this project, they would collaborate with the iconic fashion designer known for his ¨street couture,¨ Willi Smith creator of Williwear who provided designs for all of the costumes for the homecoming scenes. Although her time at Hampton would prepare her for the type of costume designing needed for this project, Carter found herself incredibly overwhelmed. This was a small production, with a small budget but she found a way to manage. This project would set the tone for her career to come.

Advice from an interview I thought all creatives need to hear:

¨My advice is that you get a strong foundation of how you go about coming up with ideas and I think it’ll stay with you for the rest of your career. My foundation was research. I love to research.¨ Carter in an interview with American Matters: Creative spark Feb, 9th 2023.

Carter Discussing Costume Design vs. Fashion Design

¨Overall, fashion is about a development of a personality in the world, usually based around a real person that is a celebrity or a muse. Costume design is creating the psychology of the fictional character and the person behind the clothes. When fashion designers give you something, they don’t expect you to, like, dirty it up. They don’t expect you to make it look oversized or rumpled. But with costuming, the clothes are part of telling a story. That story could be that the actors slept in their car. So it’s often really hard to incorporate commercial design because we’re working with different goals in mind.¨

Thank you for reading! I hope you learned something new.

Signing off,

B, the Virgo

sources:

[trustafarian-has-liner-notes]

Here is a link to the pdf of a free novel i wrote, about being young and only kinda dumb, at the dawn of a new millennium

this version is formatted to be readable on my girlfriend's aged kobo, feel free to dm me about alternate formatting or with typos/corrections/questions

Cast art by the author:

I do need someone to tell me whose exact ages or birthdays have been mentioned

Dan is actually 23 in January of 2016 but is one of those people who counts his year of life up until age 1 so he considers himself 24......he's a libra (I think the birthday wouldve been mentioned if it was during the parts of year we know about) which means he's actually turning 24 in october of 2016 and was born in 1992....in victoria bc. I think his folks and sisters moved from halifax before he was born. Their last name is Edwards. What do the parents do again? Are they both engineers?

We know JP is a year older so he's 25 and born in 1991, which ims (in my synesthesia) is a good year for him, the ones are giving 2x thin and white, lol and being 25 is giving quarterlife crisis......born in montreal?...... born jan 1, so he just had had a birthday when dan shows up

I think mouse is 20 which means when he was 13, 7 years ago, was approx when Bruce moved in with Toi who had just taken on the Maison....so thats 2009 right when thank me later came out and unrelatedly, people were starting hella podcasts on random topics and having them take off because a huge rush of iphone people wanted to subscribe to anything that sounded cute.....anyway mouse's place of birth is unclear, i think he's an aries or scorpio, whichever he isnt for sun, thats his moon....maybe he turns 20 during aries season of 2016? Which makes him born 1996. Aries/pisces cusp.

If Bruce is 24 also, 7 years ago he was 17, which, works fine legally and with his family biography, for him to move to Toronto to live in an older partner's house. He's def gotta a christmas baby, sag/cap cusp all the way, plus that means Toi is back with new boobies just in time for his bday....so wait is he then 23 for the whole story? Thats fine. Either way i dont want to have to figure this out. Like its cool if he's turning 25 but does that mean he was born in 1991? I think yes, and that makes sense agewise so, he spends the whole story age 24 and was born in 1991

Toi would've been a newly minted legal adult with property rights at that time and therefore fit to sign a leasing contract from mommy dearest, so, 19 in 2009 and seven years later age 26, so, born in 1990. An aquarius date....closer to capricorn cusp.

Alice is the oldest, 29 or 30, right? Let's say she an '86, they have a softer, kinder energy than the 85s (im an 85, i can say that) but still soooooo xennial......i think libra/scorp cusp or scorp/sag....probably scorp/sag, so, she's 29 during the story? I didnt say her age did i?

I think Roscoe is 34 and from somewhere, like grew up in rural Italy and has family who emigrated and his mom wanted him to go to school in canada for unclear reasons and he did the business visa thing after by starting a business but ultimately still doesnt know why he's in exile (god spoke strongly to his mother that her gay son should be with the heathens her relatives hate) because he's never come out to his family and he's so butch and beloved. Anyway i guess that means he's an '82....a pisces, so he's 33 when we meet him.

Pete is in the liminal MA or PHD thesis zone of being on campus a lot for student teacher stuff, department stuff, grad student events that are secretly mandatory, etc....I suppose he's also 24 in 2016, born in 1992...keeps his birthday to himself so i bet he's a cancerian or maybe taurus and he visited family for a big homecooked meal instead of hanging around the maison (this is a big list of why we dont know their birthdays from the story lol, huge cast and no birthdays wtf)

Andre's age is pretty unfixed, I think she's younger than the others but not as young as Mouse, so, maybe 23, that's a fun age that really goes to her whole deal, its weird how different 23 and 24 often are for people ime. So, she's a 1993 and her birthday is feb 14, a valentines baby. Roscoe knows from andreah that she wanted to do something highkey sexy-romantic with andre to celebrate that day, and andre said no because of cigarette mom childhood birthday baggage, and they had a fight where no one was wrong and everyone reasserted their boundaries, but andreah was still upset about no sex on valentine's and decided to use the open relationship card when roscoe punted dan her way at the cafe. Of course she got in trouble for ignoring andres birthday the wrong way. Of course she did.

Andreah I think is older, maybe even a little older than Toi...she's def got 80s energies attached to her....let's say '89, which tracks with her being in middleschool when one of those x-men movies with halle berry is in theatres.......i think she's an aries, closer to the taurus cusp. Her mom is anishinabe, her dad is from mumbai, she was raised by a Philippino nanny living at her dads, until highschool when she moved in with her mom and then out into her own place as a subletter. She feels neglected and unwanted by both parents, which is true, she is.

[saamnangg]

Week 3: Revised problem statement

Start Assignment

Progress since last week:

Revised thesis topic. Now focusing on implementing adaptive re-use with empty or underutilized buildings in downtown areas such as Boston. Work will include visiting sites of third places that are working well, failed third places, and empty buildings that have potential to be used as a third place. 

Programming and multiple forms of revenue are essential to a third place to be an environment that can pay their rent and still be a hub where the modality isn’t business first and people/community second. 

Case Study 1: Knight’s Move (Brookline, MA)

Successful third place where there is the presence of regulars, newcomers, and multiple revenue models, well embedded within their local community, promotes socialization and entertainment through being a board game cafe. 

Case Study 2: Ryder Grad Studio (Boston, MA)

Failed third place that is meant to exist as a room to rest, socialize, and entertain outside of classrooms. Lack of programming to build cohort bonding and mingling between the two programs XD and IDDV

Case Study 3: Random building in Downtown Boston (Boston, MA)

Implement hypotheses and ideas that would work in the building to create a third place. 

Case Study 4: Trident Bookcafe 

Attempts to be a third place with programming, revenue, and actively advertising themselves as a third place but has tactics such as limiting sitting time etc. preventing people from feeling invited or welcome to stay. 

Problem:

The disappearance of physical third places for people that are seeking community and a place to relax, socialize, and enjoy themselves. 

I.e. People that are actively seeking a place to exist that isn’t home, work, or school.

The thesis project will enable the creation of a third place that embraces and practices the values of a third place. 

*Further literature review and thinking in progress for a list or description of what exactly the values of a third place are. 

The values of a third place are about making people feel welcome. In the third space, everyone can come in, stay as long as they want, and feel encouraged to return often and invite friends.

Rationale: 

Third places are disappearing because they aren’t maintaining a modality that is balancing the needs of a business to make revenue but also ensuring that their environment isn’t unwelcoming or has a “barrier to access”.

Significance: 

I think the problem is actually a huge issue and is ever growing. Especially post-pandemic people yearn for connection, a place to be/exist, and simply to talk or do things. However, the current existing third places are all built for business first and aren’t exactly promoters of socialization or establishing new bonds and connections. Cafes, bars, and gyms are not ideal third places nor should they be expected to. Third places need to embrace the values that are defined by being a third place instead of merely wearing a costume of a third place while otherwise being a regular business. 

Evidence:

I feel pretty comfortable in my analysis due to constantly seeing an overwhelming number of ads focused on promoting “community, bonding, socializing, and going places”. The existence of social clubs itself is also a factor contributing to my belief that the need and demand for third places is growing. The establishment of organizations such as Volo and TimeLeft further exemplifies the desire for relationship-building and meeting people in general in locations outside of home, work, and school. Everything leads to being outside and at another location. 

Design Strategies: 

Research and observe then see what changes can be made to revitalize the presence and number of third places available to people. Changes may include proposing a framework/methodology and/or implementing certain design changes.

Design Direction:

The project will take advantage of observing or even experimenting with the aforementioned study locations and try to narrow down and define what exactly makes a good third place. 

I believe that direct observation and seeing things happen in person will be more valuable for my work rather than hypothesizing and keeping myself in a bubble of what I assume is happening or will occur. I can live in theory land forever but good research, results, and ideas come from seeing and experiencing what is happening out in the real world. 

Design Concepts: 

Experiment with small changes in the grad studio. Put tea bags and coffee to see if people come to the studio more often and then use the equipment that is there more. Will people converse over the random appearance of usable goods? Put a random pinboard with a silly question or survey thing and see if people interact with it and socialize over the presence of the board. See if small design changes are viable to implement third place values or can be used to revive a third place.

Sit in and partake in a well-functioning third place and see why and how it works. Experience a third place for what it is and what the difference is between a regular cafe such as Tatte versus Knight’s Move 

Next Steps

Start doing the little experiments in the Ryder Studio since it’s right there and accessible 

Take a trip and bring tea bags/coffee for people to use and see if it brings more people in to use them and sit/converse with others

Create some form of programming to see if the room is still used as a place to conduct socialization

Tour some of the referenced third places and check for:

Access through public transit

If they have seating for people to sit and if it’s unlimited time or a certain amount

Go find an empty building in downtown to use as a case study 

Bring a camera with me so I can take some pictures of the site 

Revisit the definition of third places by Oldenburg and see how it applies to current context and times

[fantasiavii]

I had an anthro prof on my orals board and I invited him and wanted him there since he’s basically an expert in my topic but damn at points his comments just reminded me why I am forever thankful I’m not an anthropologist. (No offense to anthropology in general—our fields are pretty similar and we use a lot of the same tools—but it’s not for me.)

[i-make-fun-of-spn-characters]

I feel like you've given most spn related things some lil spice but I always love the spice on this : hot spicy take on the "Dean is the most horrible character and ruins everyone's life and Sam and Cas are poor little meow meows who only do bad things sometimes because tyran Dean farted in their direction" takes that are not really only said by anti-Dean peeps ? Obsessed with that incredible thesis and would love the added spice ❤

SPICY HOT HOT GHOST PEPPERS CAROLINA REAPERS HELP I'M BURNING

I really try to respect other people’s opinions, and I believe there are a wealth of ways to interpret a story, and I think that’s a deeply beautiful thing. This applies to interpretations I don't agree with and outright dislike as well. That said, some opinions are simply and objectively bad, dishonest, and/or demonstrably false, and I truly do not believe you can sit down and honestly watch through the show with an open mind about all the characters, truly pay attention to what they do, say, and believe, and come to the conclusion that this show is about an evil manipulative abusive man terrorizing his pure and sinless brother and friend. It is an interpretation built from cherry picking facts to suit an ugly, miserable theory, making Mount Everest out of a bunch of the tiny mole hills, making the worst possible presumptions of feelings and intentions, and holding characters to completely different standards in order to neatly divide them into "abused" and "abuser" in a way that, frankly, fetishizes the abused person. I despise this interpretation of the story with every fiber of my being, and I have absolutely no respect for the opinion of anyone who peddles it, regardless of who they cast as villain/victim (because people have also done this with the others—it’s just more “popular” to do it with Dean... I mean... does anyone else remember how people were shitting on Sam after his emotional reaction in 14.12? Calling him an evil abuser? Because I do).

The thing that always gets me about this take isn't just how dishonest, unfair, mean-spirited, and compassionless it is in its treatment of Dean’s feelings, circumstances, and intentions... but how deeply reductive and offensive it is toward Sam and Castiel, sucking away their identities to turn them into effigies to mourn for their sad, Stockholm syndrome-esque attachment to their "abuser". Further, it grips the heart of the show—the relationship between Sam and Dean, and then the relationship among TFW as a whole—in a tight, uncompromising fist and pulverizes it. It literally rips out the heart of the show (the RELATIONSHIPS) and replaces it with something unprepossessing of any merit: A miserable, 15 years long story about a malicious abuser getting away with terrorizing those closest to him for his entire life, while his poor abuse victims suffer through until they die for him/happy to be reunited with him because they “don’t know any better” and never ever learned better, I guess. What a stupid, sad sack of a story.

Castiel is a thousands of years old celestial being who has literally beaten Dean into the pavement under no form of mind control, and has shown over and over again that he will do whatever the hell he wants, regardless of whatever Dean thinks about being sidelined. If he thinks whatever he is doing is in Dean's best interest, he literally does not care how Dean feels about it. He will nod and smile and then fly off and swallow thousands of souls with Dean begging him not to, shove Dean out of the way to attack the big bad, leave Dean alone in Purgatory, refuse to come out of Purgatory so he can self-flagellate, fly off with the angel tablet, help Sam with the Book of the Damned, let Lucifer possess him without anyone's knowledge or agreement, come into Dean's room under the guise of apologizing for ghosting him so that he can steal The Colt out from under his pillow and murder someone, decide not to murder that person and still prevent Sam and Dean from helping by knocking them both unconscious, get himself killed, make a deal to trade his life for Jack's and never tell anyone, hide information and worries and ignore phone calls, ghost Sam and Dean, and bicker and fight with Dean as if they are a married couple. Love sickness and feelings of worthlessness (which Cas has a wealth of reasons to feel—many of which aren’t even related to Dean but to his heavenly family) are reinterpreted as the result of some sort of constant, terrorizing emotional abuse. Power and authority that Dean does not actually have is forced into his hands by these fans. Maybe listen when Cas says, “Hey—not everything is your fault.” Maybe listen when he says “I loved the whole world because of you”, calls Dean a role model, says he enjoys their conversations, offers to die with him and dies for him multiple times. Maybe treat these feelings as genuine and valid and HIS and not as the delusions of some poor manipulated baby. 

Sam is framed this way even more often than Cas, and it's a damn shame, because what I typically see is this: Sam’s development into a mediator and peacemaker is twisted and reinterpreted as coming from a place of weakness and/or fear. Rationality, maturity, wisdom, and compassion are not the traits of a scared, powerless child. They are the traits of a mature adult, who has been beaten down by life, and fought and raged against his circumstances, and somehow come out of it with more kindness and understanding and strength instead of less. He has made his own decisions whenever it was possible, within the set of circumstances doled out to him. From telling his dad to go fuck himself and going to college, to getting back into hunting to avenge Jess (NOT because of Dean—Dean took him home without complaint at the end of the woman in white case), to continuing to hunt after their father died because he wanted to feel close to him (Dean was actually weirded out and sort of disgusted by this), raging and fighting to save Dean from his deal against Dean’s wishes, continuing to hunt and working with Ruby (directly against Dean’s dying wish), drinking demon blood, jumping in the cage, leaving hunting to go be with Amelia, coming back to hunting to save Kevin, fighting with Dean over what he had with Amelia and threatening to leave if Dean didn't shut his mouth, leaving Amelia to go back to hunting (Dean ultimately suggests he go back to her—Sam chooses to stay), trying to kill Benny, demanding to be the one to do The Trials and saying he is going to SURVIVE them—that being the ENTIRE POINT, losing that resolve in a fit of depression but choosing to drop the knife, demanding space from Dean (and being given it), fighting to save Demon Dean who didn’t want to be found or saved, using the Book of the Damned against Dean’s wishes, telling Charlie that this is what he wants—that he used to want normal but now all he wants is to hunt with Dean and that he doesn’t know what he’ll do if he can’t have that, unleashing the Darkness in his desperation to keep Dean with him and even saying, “I would do it again” in the aftermath, saving the town being destroyed by Amara, getting into The Cage with Lucifer, leading a team against the British Men of Letters, nurturing Jack, punching Dean in the face when he was going to sacrifice himself, leading more hunters, wielding a gun against Chuck... and that’s just some highlights. Sam Fucking Winchester does not need your bullshit about him being some sad, scared, helpless baby lorded over by mean old Dean who has never let him do anything he wants. 

Yes, in the text itself, there is jealousy and resentment at times, and there is legitimate and righteous anger on Sam’s part on a few occasions. There is blame cast on Dean by Sam for some of these choices/circumstances. Some of those moments where Dean is blamed are legitimate, and some of them... frankly, are not. Within the framework of the fucked up dynamics of the way they were raised, Sam and some fans bristle when they feel Dean is casting himself as the parent he is not, but Sam also has been guilty in the past of trying to reframe himself as Dean’s child when things got tough. Neither of them is responsible for the origin of that dynamic, but they BOTH have responsibility to change it, and they both, ultimately, succeed in doing so. For Sam, his part comes in recognizing and learning to fully own his own choices. Recognizing that he is not a child, and he is certainly not Dean’s child, and it isn’t just “Mummy—loosen the grip”, but Sam has to too—not claim independence only to blame Dean for his choices when his own decisions have an ultimate outcome he is unhappy with. That is a legitimate arc that Sam goes through imo, but he comes out the other side of it, and he and Dean relate to each other much better as peers from then on—and I’d like to note that throughout the entire series, when they don’t relate as perfect peers and teammates, it isn’t always Dean “bossing Sam around”, but Sam also trying to sideline Dean and yes—boss him around. And when they lied and hurt each other and yes, even manipulated each other, Dean most certainly wasn't always the one doing the lying and hurting and manipulating. Always, always, ALWAYS, they both had an understandable point of view, and it was complex, and you could understand why they made the choices they did, even if you thought of those choices as being wrong ones. 

I also would like to point out (because this is basically what I see all of the time) that Dean being hurt by someone or simply voicing his feelings or opinion is in no way abusive or manipulative. Dean is certainly charismatic and loved and his returning love and respect is often deeply desired, but he is not an actual siren, who bends people to his will simply by speaking or being. People are, in fact, able to tell him “no”, and frequently FREQUENTLY do. Further more, no one is owed his affection, his unwavering loyalty, or his trust. He has a right to his boundaries, regardless of if it makes some poor sad sap feel deprived of the “wellspring of coveted love” while he works through things. He can be hurt and angry, and he can wear his heart on his sleeve at times, and he can be flawed, and broken. [Insert Castiel's speech from 15.18 here]. So can Sam. So can Cas. None of them are manipulating each other by virtue of getting angry, feeling hurt, being traumatized, needing space, or having differing opinions or feelings. Sam didn’t punch Dean in the face in 14.12 because he's a cruel, manipulative abuser trying to force Dean under his thumb. He didn’t work behind Dean’s back with Ruby, insist on doing The Trials, beg Dean to use Doc Benton’s alchemy, use the Book of the Damned to cure Dean, pump him full of blood to cure him of being a demon despite the fact that it might kill him, or scream at him and fight him for wanting to get in the Ma’lak box because he “doesn’t respect his autonomy” and “wants to control him” and “doesn’t respect his right to his own body”. He did it because he loves him desperately, and Dean could stand to fucking hate himself less, and he fiercely wanted Dean to live even when Dean didn’t want to or couldn’t picture what that could be like. He didn’t force Dean to do anything simply by opening his mouth to voice disagreement and swaying Dean when he did so. Now reverse that. 

Cas didn't beat Dean into the ground in season 5 because he wanted to terrorize him into never going against Castiel ever again. He didn’t go behind his back dozens of times, sideline him, go MIA, all because he wanted to manipulate and control Dean and punish him. He didn’t throw sassy remarks at him to shatter his self-esteem. Now reverse that. 

*Breathes*

Anyway, fuck "X is abusive” interpretations. 

[nellygwyn]

different anon, thoughts of harlots portrayal of historical sex work?

I got another anon asking for a similar thing so here it goes:

Season 1, in particular, I think, had a really nuanced approach to sex work, historical and contemporary. It says a lot that some of my friends who are full service sex workers felt it explored a lot of the complex thoughts they have about being sex workers. We had Charlotte and Emily who are both ambivalent and ambitious, practical, knowing that money is the most important thing in their world whilst also being unattainable for them in other socially acceptable careers (also, since I did my MA thesis on the rape of working class adolescent girls in Georgian London, where I basically found that working in a pub or as a servant in a house could just as unsavory, if not worse, as being a sex worker in the same time period, I like to think Charlotte in particular knows this very well and that's why she wants to control her own narrative so much). We also have Lucy, who hates it and is taken advantage of by her mother in many ways, and other characters who end up in the sex industry through ~Hogarthian~ methods i.e. tricked by a kindly older woman who turns out to be an unscrupulous brothel-keeper a la Mother Needham. This kind of thing certainly happened, though not as often as 18th century moralists might like you to think, but in the show, it plays into the overarching theme that this is a world where the people who should be looking after sex workers and making sure they aren't treated like shit literally do not care (which definitely mirrors our own times). Like, Emily likes sex work in many ways but when she experiences awful aspects of it? It's always because of powerful people letting other powerful people do whatever they want to these women....the only thing outside forces ever seem to do is moralise or take away their money, or punish them. People who have the power to actually transform the system are basically useless, except Josiah in S2 who initially starts off as useless but does later try to make amends.....he's just not powerful ENOUGH though.

I do wish they hadn't made so much of the '1 in 5 women in Georgian London sell sex' because....that's not necessarily a false statistic but it doesn't actually just include sex workers, it also includes women who lived with men they weren't married to which could've been a financial arrangement or could've been simply women living with long term partners. It also includes women who dabbled in sex work, which was extremely common in a world where other, more socially acceptable jobs for working women didn't always pay very well. We know that a lot of women who were in domestic service in Georgian London also had what we might call 'a side hustle' as sex workers, specifically strollers and bunters (sex workers who didn't work in a brothel and usually picked up clients/did work on the streets). I think Harlots did a good job of showing us like, sex workers who work in brothels but also more independent sex workers like Nancy and Violet, but it would've been nice to have a character who was a maid in a middle class home most of the time but occasionally dabbled in sex work in the late evening. It would've emphasised the theme of money being important and barely within reach, but also would've shown the reality of women's work in this period OUTSIDE OF sex work.

The diversity of the industry was also good, although it's a shame that the show kind of failed at showing us male sex workers, or queer sex workers - I mean, we did see mollies (contemporary name for gay men sex workers) but not in a particularly meaningful way imo. Plus, we could've had a trans woman sex worker, especially as there is precedent in this period! Princess Serefina, for example, was probably a transgender woman and one of the most famous sex workers of the early 18th century. But I think Harlots did show us the amount of women of colour who not only lived in Georgian London, but who worked there and not just as sex workers. We also had sex workers with disabilities, too. One of my favourite details is that Harriet Lennox is inspired by a real Georgian sex worker called Black Harriet who only employed sex workers of colour at her brothel (which Harriet Lennox also does in S2 and 3). And there is quite an admirable attempt to explore intersectionality in the series - Harriet doesn't just experience sexism but pretty awful racism (I mean, she literally used to be enslaved by the first man who made her his mistress)....and this changes the way she experiences the world.

My biggest criticism is of the way Charlotte was killed off. Well, first of all, I have an issue with the fact Season 3 put her in a relationship with a pimp, which is so fucked up on every level. Like, not even just a pimp but a pimp who tried to kill her and the women she lives with. Then, she ends up being ACTUALLY killed off by said pimp and his brother (also a pimp) in the most deranged way possible a.k.a getting in the way of a fight and being pushed down the stairs. So many stories about sex workers, historical and contemporary, employ the 'Dead Hooker' trope and I hate it and I especially hate it for this time period because dying violently or tragically as a sex worker doesn't have much basis in reality. Charlotte specifically was inspired by famous courtesans of the time like Kitty Fisher and Fanny Murray. Both of whom......met someone who was willing to keep them long term/marry them and left the industry, financially stable and contented. This series wanted to honour women like that but I don't understand how it could do that by killing Charlotte violently (and other characters violently). We know that most sex workers left the industry around their mid twenties, usually because they had found a long term keeper/husband or because they became actresses/singers in the London theatres (a job that had strong links to sex work and courtesanry at the time). There were so many options for Charlotte but the writers picked that one, as her exit. It just brings us back to the fact that for some people, sex workers don't deserve any kind of happy ending. In fact, John Cleland, the writer of the scandalous c. 1749 erotic novel 'Fanny Hill,' had his book banned and criticised not just because it was obscene but because Fanny never repents her life as a sex worker. Instead, she marries a decent man and has a decent life and explictly says she doesn't feel bad or upset about her old job. Like, that's an example from the actual time period so imagine my disappointment when history seemed to repeat itself in a period series c. 2019.

[xiaq]

Hi, I hope it's alright to ask this here (and please feel free to ignore this otherwise!), but I was wondering if you'd have some advice re: academia? So my ongoing undergrad major has nothing to do with the masters programs I'm hoping to apply to (I'm studying engineering but I plan to switch to cultural studies or something similar). And the MA that sounds most exciting to me is an interdisciplinary one called Society and Culture that touches upon varied subjects like cultural studies, archeology, literature, etc., with the expectation that the student would pick one to go deeper into for their thesis. I like the program because it's so varied, but I was wondering if that could also be a disadvantage (i.e., be viewed as too shallow for any one field)? With no other significant degrees/credentials in the humanities, would it be better to pick a, uh, sort of more "focused" or traditional program like literature instead (and then use that to springboard off into the specific topics I want to study further)?

I suppose I'm asking if you could shed light on how the less common interdisciplinary degrees are viewed by arts/humanities academia in general, if that's a valid question?

(Also I'm not from the US, if that matters, and the profs I approached at my uni didn't have much to say. :( )

(Also also, hope your day ahead is nice to you and your plans!)

Sorry I'm so late answering this, but I wanted to give it a think and talk to some academic friends for their input since I'm a bit jaded. The folks I spoke to are from the US and Canada, so keep that in mind, but the general consensus is that, particularly in these (I hate to say it, but I'm gunna) uncertain times, having varied experiences and expertise will likely benefit you more than picking a very particular niche right off the bat. Especially because a lot of folks don't end up in a career that is directly related to the thing they specialized in anyway (I mean, exhibit A, me). Ye Olde School academics might turn up their noses at interdisciplinary degrees, but many employers will prefer them unless, again, your future career necessitates extensive study in one area. So if a program interests you, and you're excited for a multitude of future opportunities it might facilitate, I'd definitely go with that one (if I could do it again, I'd probably do an interdisciplinary degree rather than straight English lit, if that means anything to you). But what's most important is working toward the Thing You Want to Do and getting Experience Doing the Thing. The sooner you sort that out, the better!

[imnotgoinganywhereok]

I had a great day today! It’s very surprising - considering how I felt for the past few weeks - but I am nearly finished with my MA thesis (actually wrote 69 pages, hehe), and I also got a few good final grades. This means I don’t have to worry about these subjects anymore, as I know I passed them. I don’t want to be ahead of myself but I really think I’m getting better mentally. Thank you for crossing your fingers for me in the last post!

So, onto the post! Deryn is enjoying her life, trying to finish her gardening aspiration. We can’t plant cowplants in apartaments - and planting it in the community garden and waiting for it to grow does not work - so I think she’ll be stuck at this one. But that’s okay, finishing an aspiration is not a necessity, and I played this one many times already. What we got instead, however, is a second female adult cat! Her name is Coco Jumbo (like the song, yes) and she’s a Somali cat.

What Deryn also got is a girfriend! Yes, it’s the same gal I told you to pay attention to, ahaha. Her name is Maria Kawka - I finally open myself to the ‘Polishness’ of my game - and I’m obsessed with her! I think the cats like her too. Cool, beautiful, and daring? Yes, queen!! I love her sassy faces! Do you know what else Deryn got? Pregnant. So, the family also welcomed these twin girls: Wren and Ariel Owl. Generation 15 starts here!