#this is very good. had to add too
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Ghouls night out
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#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#Scopophobia#Don't be mean Lan Wangji - the dead girl aesthetic is a curated one. Support women's rights to look dead!#I have been waiting for this scene for ages...the ghost girl entourage is such a good look for WWX.#And by gods does the audio drama actually do something interesting with one of them.#Namely that we actually get to see WWX talk with them and learn about who they were and what they left behind.#I love necromancer characters but it's way too common for them to be like “Go! Ghost no.145!” like they're a pokemon#and not...you know...someone who had a whole life that they left behind.#I love me a necromancer who has an awareness to whose soul/body they are using. It adds a lot of flavour!#MDZS is a little hit or miss with this. I think the fans do a lot of the work with making Mo Xuanyu a bigger character.#Yi City has this in spades. Even though we don't individually get character backstories#We get many painful reminders about how these 'corpses' were people.#We also get a few lines about how WWX used whatever corpses he could get his hands on (including grandparents - Woof!)#MDZS often (but not always) likes to remind us that every sacrifice and every ghost was a person.#It is so close to nailing the landing regarding the deconstruction of the necromancer character.#Anyhow. You may have noticed the uptick in quality in the last two comics. Rule of three means next one is going to be a treat B*)#See you all very soon!
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#mrs flood who are you: time lord edition
#dwedit#doctor who#mrs flood#fifteenth doctor#the master#jacobi!master#tenth doctor#jack harkness#martha jones#twelfth doctor#ninth doctor#*#okay here is my argument: mrs flood IS a time lord but her presence here has nothing to do with the doctor#instead she's here because of ruby. she's seemingly part of/related to the pantheon of discord & we know that ruby is connected to them too#so i think that she was deliberately placed as ruby's neighbor by the pantheon/oldest one/ruby's mom/? in order to watch over her#it also explains why she was there to check on ruby in 1.04. once she realizes she's on the phone w carla she says 'nothing to do with me'#and she leaves. which implies that it COULD have had something to do with her. if it had been something else going on#ANYWAY. to get to the time lordness of it all. rn i personally believe that she's a time lord that's been hiding on earth for 50+ years#bc i don't think she recognized the police box as a tardis initially. that first quote should be taken at face value.#instead picture this: she's watching over ruby as per usual. a police box is there - weird but nbd. then it dematerializes in front of her.#she drops her groceries. she's shocked. she kinda looks scared. if she already knew it was a tardis why would she react like that?#so imo she knows OF tardises. she DIDN'T know the police box was one. and she's worried the time lords have found her hence the fear.#but when nothing happens and nobody comes at her she realizes she's still safe#later when she sees the doctor she realizes the tardis is his/he must be a time lord. he doesn't identify her but that's happened before#so then when she asks him who he is i think what she's actually asking for is his title. WHICH time lord are you.#bc lbr if she knows abt tardises then she knows about time lords and if she knows abt time lords she knows what it means for ruby#to be joining him - and that's why she wishes ruby good luck. meanwhile this is clearly the outcome she WANTS (them to be together)#bc she gets visibly upset when the doctor seems to decide to leave without ruby.#and for once i'm not master clowning bc the list of names the doctor gives out is VERY interesting. some of them we've never heard before:#the bishop; the conquistador; later he adds the pedant and sagi-shi and reiterates the bishop AGAIN. so i wonder if she's the bishop.....
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Also the superstition of strong witches or those attached to the occult in general being perceived as stronger in magicks with red/auburn hair has been rolling around since ancient celtic times too. One of those tropes that never really went away, along with this being seen as impure or not innocent when you're very beautiful - Armand was kind of marked either way! Him being a divine conduit for ikon paintings marked him as other from the start. Marius saying no matter how beautiful his smile was never innocent (my dude what would you know about that anyway...)
Plus Marius was potentially more inlive with a life with Amadeo than continuing to baby sitter silent gods didn't help.
what WAS her problem anyway
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Bungou Stray Dogs: Dead Apple and how “ability users” (opposite to “normal people”) learning to accept themselves through the acceptance of their own abilities is a queer metaphor of acceptance of own's sexual orientation and gender: an essay by me
#bsd#bungou stray dogs#About: Dead Apple. Watched this a while ago with a friend and it was a lot of fun!!!#If you're reading this: thank you so much for hanging out with me I had such a good time (ㅅ´ ˘ )♡#Next to general considerations: wow they were right that Bungou Stray Dogs movie sure can Bungou Stray Dogs#It's always nice to see the detailed animation and elaborate backgrounds of movies. The animation quality compared to the manga is–#definitely noticeable and it's nice to see. That said... I still like the season 2 art style more? And I'm speaking strictly of art style.#The s2 one looks more soft and smooth while the da one is so much more rough.#The plot is... Very bsd-esque I don't think there's anything to add.#In my opinion Kyouka's arc is the one that turned out best tbh. I really like her narrative development and personal growth in this movie.#I like the complexity of her state of mind. how full of contradiction she is. I especially appreciate the recurring small changes of–#expression that indicate how she thinks differently from Atsushi even if she doesn't voice them. The fight between her cynicism and her–#kind nature. It's all very interesting.#Atsushi's development is interesting too. Although all the open questions about his ability we still have kind of leave me frustrated#I don't feel very strongly about Akutagawa in this movie? I mean‚ he's there. The ss/kk scenes are always great and in character and a joy–#to witness no matter what they do. He just doesn't shine particularly? Or at least personally I dont find the “proving my strength against–#myself” narrative arc to be particularly interesting. Imo it was a lot better flashed out in the da stage play! With the complexity that–#the dialogues with Chuuya added to the character. Dazai attacking him. And especially Aktgw understanding that Rashomon wasn't testing Aktg#but rather only expressing that unstoppable rage that is also Aktgw's own. About that I checked out the play and I really liked it!!#I only watched highlights (aka: ss/kk and chuu/aku scenes) but there's some stuff I really like. I like the conflict between Aktgw and–#Chuuya and how Chuuya messes up with Aktgw at first maliciously and then amiably. It's interesting how Atsushi himself observes that Kyouka#and Akutagawa get along. And especially the sskk almost-handholding and Atsushi saying Akutagawa has a nice profile were cute akjdhbsawhjb#Next. Da really is shipping paradise (╥﹏╥) Sorry but... It is. oda/zai. daz/atsu. ss/kk. s/kk. fuku/mori. chuu/aku. It really has everythin#and the moments are so good!!!! What else. Wish we'd see more of Tsujimura. And Christie. And women in general tbh.#Also‚‚‚‚‚ Atsushi's tiger form in this movie is ATROCIOUS. I've said it before but it's crazy how a franchises that relies so heavily on–#fanservice came up with something this hideous. Man the movie overall was pretty but Atsushi sure wasn't. Firmly stand by the belief–#that only Akutagawa would find that form attractive.#Oh last note. honestly if we're ready to accept a movie where an antidote has effect AFTER the person has effectively died then we really–#can't complain about any kind of insanity the manga brings up#random rambles
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My interests are directly aligning this is NOT a drill!!!
With the DC crossover announced and the images released, I figured that since most of the sonic cast are technically teens(??) it would be cool to see them as the teen heroes, too!! Here's Sonic as Impulse, Knuckles as Superboy, Amy as Wonder Girl, Tails as Robin, and Shadow as the blue Black Beetle!
Bonus shadow with black doom bc i loved how the doodle turned out :) he's essentially the stand-in for the scarab Khaji Da
I do love shadow as batman, but i figured blue beetle was a good fit, what with the alien stuff and his new doom powers in the upcoming game that give him wings and transformation abilities
#sonic the hedgehog#sonic fanart#sonic x dc#young justice#(which i'm going to tag bc i do in fact have all the members of the core 4 depicted)#dc comics#oh god. do i tag all the characters??#knuckles the echidna#amy rose#miles tails prower#shadow the hedgehog#WOW these were fun to draw. the sonic style is so fun!!!#i feel like this dc crossover was created specifically to cater to me#which is fabulous.#but man shadow was so hard to draw tho. i mean he's already hard to draw bc he's got all these shapes but then i had to add#all those stupid spider arms. and also his air shoes are surprisingly hard to get right???#whatever. i think it turned out sick#OH also i didn't include silver bc i think that green lantern is perfect for him and i couldn't improve the design#superboy#dc impulse#wonder girl#dc robin#just for good measure. i mean technically it is them#art#my art#weaverofink#should i turn these into stickers?? they look very sticker-able#or is this too niche. is this a combo only for me
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LOST: Season One
#lost#abc lost#lost one cap per ep#this was a project i was gonna do anyways but the timing worked out that i could post the first one on the 20th anniversary!#this is one cap per ep every season. from left to right. and this is important: its not a cap that sums up each ep#its a cap that REPRESENTS each ep. the way i choose them varies every episode#sometimes its an utterly iconic moment. sometimes it reps the theme of the ep. or it hits with a theme of the character themselves#sometimes the cap i use won't even involve the character whose centric episode it is. trust me. this makes sense#anyways i'll give a good example: for outlaws i was so tempted to use a shot of the judgemental soulful gaze of the boar#or perhaps sawyer in the rain after he shot that man#but! i used that shot of sawyer's dads legs as sawyer is hiding under the bed. i feel it worthy because this moment. this scene#is literally a core part of sawyer. it's a defining moment of his backstory. of his character. so yeah. makes sense yeah?#anyways some eps had Too Much going on (lord i could make one of these for exodus part 1 alone) and some not enough#or well they DID but like lacked in caps that Hit in the way im thinking. thank heavens charlie shot ethan cuz i was worried about that ep#i was like ''aw shit what am i gonna use'' and then an iconic lost moment happened kjhfdsjkhfd#anyways. there are 25 eps in season one. so im really glad that the last ep contains one of the moment iconic visuals/moments in all of los#oh i should add that these caps are unedited. i did not fuck with the colours or saturation in any way#i found 'em and i pieced them together. this is harder than it sounds. i browsed through all the screencaps of every ep of season one#and i will do so the remaining five seasons#some of these were super easy like i knew what cap i'd be using before i even started (eg. do no harm. the moth. in translation)#but some took some real Thinking. and some eps even had several caps that would have worked. this has all been quite interesting#also yeah. y'all already know damn well what cap i'm using for the very last episode
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-(click for a better quality!)
#ah.. first of all! I made these two arts “to be done”. there is no lore or anything(at least for now....OQBZKAVZJVWJZVS)#and I wanted to test how I make/draw blood!#It had been a long time since I had made a drawing that contained blood.#so I had this idea (in this case. the arts you see there) in my head and I did it!#oh. and I also wanted to put the colors a little inverted. as you can see-#I did omori. normal. black and white. with BLOOD-colored blood (not pink. but RED)#and then I made sunny. with his colors but also with the touch of red and the blood in black mixed a little with the white/gray!#what did you think!? It was a good idea!?!!? Well.. if yes or even no. I still hope you enjoyed! :DD#(and sorry for not making the knife very visible..#I focused too much on the blood and forgot to add more detail to the knife- so.. sorry. ok!?)#omori omori#omori sunny#sunny omori#omori fandom#hi omori fandom!!#(I forgot to say this before :'])#omori fanart#omori#i'm mel and this is my blog✌️#my art blog#art#my art#my art <3#art mel#my art style#fanart#tw bl0od#tw blood
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so here's my honest thoughts on dragon age: the veilguard, after ~40 hours of playing. i finished the main quest after having finished all companion quests and major faction quests. just to clear up what content i saw, i played as an elven transmasc rook who is a member of the lords of fortune. he romanced lucanis (although after finishing the game i'm now leaning towards taash). i don't know what's happening in playthroughs that have a different race, gender identity, romance or faction going on.
full spoilers ahead, i mean it. don't read further if you want to avoid them. i don't want complaining about it in my asks.
oh and also, if you're worried because of a few negative reviews online i can comfort you by saying don't give a fuck about a certain big name youtuber who is very much tied to bethesda franchises giving this a negative review. i'll explain why.
i'm starting off with the things i liked
the game looks really pretty. i was worried it wouldn't feel like thedas anymore (with them trying to "focus on northern thedas only" i thought they'd make a clear cut in environmental design. they do and they don't. it's complicated. i'll elaborate on it when talking about the negative stuff). anyway it does. minrathous feels like kirkwall. treviso enchanted me like the winter palace did. the hossberg wetlands reminded me of the hinterlands and a couple other inquisition maps. arlathan looked like... arlathan. the crossroads were different, but familiar. overall i like the way it looks and feels. it's thedas, with a twist. it's a good one, and gives everything a solid but unique feel.
combat is top tier. if you're a hardcore dragon age player you WILL miss the tactical aspect of it for a bit, but i promise you, once you're used to the way the combat works, you will be lapping that shit up. and once you get to ability combos you'll mourn the control you used to have over your companions in battle a bit less
the MAIN quest and its story. i expected worse, way worse. and for a while the game even had me tricked (harr harr you'll get it in a second) it is Really That Much Worse. but holy shit was it good. i walked away satisfied ngl.
your choices have SOLID weight. there's consequences, good AND bad. i got minrathous blighted, ruled over by venatori, and the leader of the shadow dragons ultimately died because of my decisions. i made those at the beginning and throughout the game. he died at the end. DAVRIN died because i didn't expect what i was saying to have that much weight. i thought i was in the clear. he had hero status. well turns out, your choices can still get your companions killed even if you do everything right. i fucking love him. he shouldn't have made that sacrifice just because i told him to do everything it takes once.
the inquisitor, morrigan and dorian being there, surprisingly. there's also negatives to this though, see below.
speaking of companions dying and the inquisitor playing a bigger role: the final quest feels like me2's suicide mission. i was blown away by it and the fact that i got to see the results of all my efforts playing out in front of me.
bioware are NOT trying to redeem solas. they love him as a character yes, but i wasn't forced to see any good in him. he betrays you. he fucked my rook over twice. he fucked him over right back, for good this time (the veil wasn't torn down, i anchored it by binding him to it, he's doomed to uphold it). but solas really lives up to his name as the trickster elven god. rip to all the people who grew really attached to him over the years.
varric died. if you like him that's probably as hard reading it as it was watching it. varric died and the game lies about it until the very end. when the realisation hits, it hurts. but in the very best way.
the amount of care they put into gender expression and trans identities this time around. (i'll add onto this with negative points as well too).
rook feels very much ingrained in the world of thedas. he doesn't ask questions that expose the player to lore through dialogue as if he's stepped foot into thedas for the first time. those conversations feel very solid and good. i hope other faction players got as much joy out of this as i did.
and the things i didn't like and boy there's a lot unfortunately
the music. let's just get that out of the way holy shit. it doesn't feel like it belongs in this universe. it gets so incredibly sci-fi-y at times you'd think it's taken straight from mass effect andromeda. there's not a single song unique to veilguard that i really enjoyed. it broke my immersion, real bad. hearing a busker play the tavern songs from inquisition on a lute right after i killed some venatori with wobbly bass songs playing in the background is just odd. weird tonal shift. don't like it. it's made for people who like flashy light-weight cinema.
tevinter nights is required reading. the podcasts are required listening exercises. the game is so fast paced, especially at the start, that there's no time to introduce you to characters and how much weight their names carry in-game. i would not have known who half these people are if i hadn't skimmed over tevinter nights. i'd care even less about them than i already did. there is no time to get properly attached to them. people will act as if you're talking to a legend personified and you'll be thinking man goddamn which chapter of tevinter night were they in again and what did they do???
there's a weird mismatch with the animations. you'll have beautifully fluid ones, like emmrich casting spells. and then you'll have rook's face animating in the most unnatural manner that's sorta reminiscent of mass effect andromeda's "my face is tired" addison, when their emotions SHOULD be landing with the player rn instead.
i'm not vibing with the art style. sometimes it works. most of the time it doesn't. at points i felt like i was watching tangled.
that also brings me to some of the dialogue. same issue. i am watching frozen. i am watching tangled. someone on the writer's team really likes the adorkable trope. bellara is its victim.
for all the talk about identity, bioware sure doesn't like theirs. the grey warden armor got a redesign again and it just makes them look like a generic army. i hate it lol
in general, i don't like the armor design. the wardrobe/appearances system is fine, but it's just not helping if all the armors are just... kinda bland or downight bad looking? and don't get me started on the lords of fortune armor. that is orientalism personified.
the world states should have been carried over, full stop. i know they said they didn't because they want to separate what happens in the north from what happens in the south, which... i could have lived with that. but the inquisitor sends you letters that keep you up to date on... the south of thedas. you learn that there's a blight again, that people are standing strong but it's difficult, denerim's fallen, the rulers are taking care of it, orlais is fighting and they're successful for a while, etc etc. what's good bioware. i thought we don't care about the south this time around. why are you feeding me so much boring generic information. if you're not gonna show any of it and just write letters, then carrying the world state over should not have been an issue. i have a game dev background. those few lines of code would not have broken your budget or pushed your engine's limits. fuck right off.
this gripe of mine carries over to all the cameos. as a lord of fortune you have to deal with isabela a lot. it's fun. i missed her. you get to go drinking with her and taash and bellara! also my hawke romanced her. she's not mentioned once. they had the opportunity to put a sentence or two about her in there with not a lot of effort, trust me.
when varric dies, all she has is a single line about it. for gold, for fortune, for varric. she only says it if you interact with her on your way to the final push. that's not mandatory.
morrigan is there. kieran isn't. the old god soul that mythal and then solas absorbed? who cares at this point, the gods are dead now and solas is locked away for eternity. i suppose? why is morrigan there. she feels unneeded. i wish they'd just left her down south, at least that way i wouldn't have had to witness her god awful redesign.
dorian at least feels as if he belongs in this story. the shadow dragons are a crucial part to protecting minrathous. he's also weirdly underutilised. isabela and morrigan had more lines than him in my playthrough.
on the topic of romance: bro that was underwhelming. no, genuinely. you know when romance picked up a bit? after the point of no return. i heard maybe two lines of companion banter about it before that. maybe i missed something which i honestly doubt, but romance did not play much of a role in lucanis's storyline. i saved his grandmother as he wished me to (and if you read tevinter nights you know she was rather abusive and their relationship not the healthiest) and told him to focus on his family. a reunified family my rook wasn't even introduced to as a partner at the end of all that.
really, do not buy this game if you're only in it for the romances. others might be better, lucanis's basically gave me nothing. except for an outing (the second coffee date i had with him, it was getting repetitive) all of it played out once i committed to the final quest. the sex scene was a fade to black. annoyingly right after davrin died. if you're looking for well paced and good spice, pick up something else. the sweet talk and the final goodbye were nice though.
for all the good the ever-presence of gender identity does, it is brought up in such a disruptive manner too. it doesn't even play out naturally if you CHOOSE the lines that are meant to be said. hearing the words trans and non-binary in this setting doesn't feel right, and i'm saying this as a trans guy. i think it could have been handled more gracefully. the amount of times my rook went "i'm a MAN" as if he's about to start drumming on his chest and roaring any second now got super nerve-grating. "i'm so glad you're into me... the me who is trans. remember?" just. tell me one trans person who'd talk like that to a person they've grown close with and are trying to romance. this game doesn't handle sexuality well, so all this hey my body might not look like the way you're expecting it to look talk amounts to nothing anyway. i feel about this the way i feel about krem: this is partial exposition to trans experiences... packaged up for cis consumption. the ONLY exception to that is interacting with taash. holy shit was all of that heartwarming and bro did it feel good and natural to talk to them about theirs and rook's gender.
rivain and nevarra are new locations added by veilguard. they're also incredibly underwhelming, small and constricted maps. rivain is a coastline with a few ruins. the hall of valor is a partial ruin nestled into a cave on a beach, with a fighting pit. isabela is there in her skimpy outfit commentating your pit fights. that's it. i'm sorry if you were looking for a bustling pirate cove or whatever. you're not gonna get it. the nevarran crypts btw are a long ass dungeon crawl. that's it.
speaking of maps. i thought people were being dramatic when they said you're gonna be fighting the same enemies on them again and again. i thought they were figure of speeching it. they're not. you WILL fight the same amount of enemies. in the same spot. every time you reload the map. best to stay on a map and clear out the enemies and do as much questing on that map as you can before leaving, because you WILL have to do it all over again once you return.
the three choices i made for my inquisitor didn't matter lol she didn't have to face solas and therefore couldn't stop him at any cost as she had sworn (maybe because my rook tricked solas into binding himself to the veil, there was also an option to fight him. would she have stepped in? who knows). blackwall wasn't mentioned. and either her using a small amount of her forces in the final fight was the reason the civilians of minrathous fared so well..... or it just didn't matter. ultimately i think she had very little impact on anything
#datv#datv spoilers#dragon age: the veilguard#oh wow i hit a limit typing this#anyway to tie this up a bit: the good and bad to the environmental design being that well-known architecture like minrathous and dwarven#ruins look fire and remind me a lot of the previous games#but newly added locations are very... generic... very bland#i was very excited for rivain. i thought we'd get to see ships. not a bunch of ruins and a fighting pit and that's it#and why did i say to ignore a certain guy's review? bro because he was complaining about taash being ace and that taking up their screentim#and them being too up in your face about their identity. he did all this while she/her'ing them constantly#but my man they're trans. nb. not ace.#y'all need to be careful about bad reviews. they're coming from people who are upset about gender identity being handled as a topic in this#game. meanwhile they have no clue what they're even talking about. i don't think matty knows the difference between ace and trans#and neither do the hundreds of people who are one star rating this game currently#i liked this game. it's not top tier. it's not something i'll sink hours and hours and hours of my life into#it has tonal issues and it's moving away from what made dragon age stand out for me#but i do think that it's a genuinely fun play and people who are very invested in dragon age will squeeze joy out of it wherever they can#i had a hard time warming up to the new characters (taash and lucanis being the exception because they have an older bioware air about them#but solas's and varric's story (and don't get me wrong that's what veilguard is about) is GOOD. that is how bioware used to be.#and i wish they'd given us that energy all over the game. that direness. that grit. serious and mature writing.#that consistency is lacking#and whether you're gonna enjoy this game or not is entirely dependant on what you came here for and how well the game delivers on it#i think their weakest points are ironically the thing they advertised the most: the new companions and their writing#you won't find nuanced and good enemies here (i already reblogged something about this. you can go scroll around a bit and catch up on that#really the only thing that had me super invested and emotional was the main quest.#so make of that what you will. ultimately i was more frustrated with the game than i got enjoyment out of it. i was close to just put it#aside for now... until i went to minrathous to end ghila'nain's and elgar'nan's ritual. that all blew me away. still on a high off of it.#anyway yeah that review got cut short by the character limit maybe i'll add more to it tomorrow but rn... i am heading to bed#thanks for coming to my ted talk. also i'm sorry. zevran REALLY isn't in this.#dragon age
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Rules: list five of your favorite movies and have people vote on which one matches your vibe the best!
Tagged by @biathediamond :)
If anyone wants to steal this poll game, feel free to do so!! Reblog with your poll or make a new post—and if the latter, please tag me so I can see & vote :D
ALSO if you would like to then please tell me what you voted for in a reply/reblog!! I am extremely curious!
#my post#my polls#tag game#it was SUCH a hard choice between Bolt or Interstellar#Interstellar is arguably the Better movie and it’s beautiful and haunting and has nearly reduced me to tears and it’s real and it’s human#and it’s just. incredible#very very good movie I like it very much#BUT Bolt is way more nostalgic and I also went through a phase where I’d watch it every week/every few weeks#for like. two years#both are amazing movies and both are some of my favorites#but c’mon man#I had to go with Bolt#gosh I wanna watch it again it’s been far too long#KRIFF I forgot to add an option for me to push :( misery and despair and wailing
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Not me adding annotations to a book to make it more accessible for my mom when she will read it
#i am once again complaining about italian translators not adding enough context and explainations in queer non fiction books#90% of non queer people or people who do not speak english don't have enough fucking context to get certain things#i need tranlators to add the necessary context to make these books accessible for everyone#olay surely mainly queer people will read a book about going outside the binary but if we want more people to understand us#we need to add the necessary context to make these things comprehensible to everyone#both those who do not have a queer background and therefore have never see certain words and those who do not speak any english#why the fuck are we assuminng everyone reading this knows english and the linguistic and cultural context between certain words#most people i know do not know one word on english and since it's an italian translation you should make it completly accessible for anyone#i don't want people to read this with their phone in their hands to look for meaninga here and there#i have had this complaint before and i will keep complaining#it's frustrating because this book makes the concept of going outside the binary very easy and accessible and the translation is not as good#also the translation of this particular chapter did a terrible job language wise too so i can't expect much#the concept is there but oh boy do a few sentences look like they have been translated with google#so yep i resorted to making my own notes because i want my mom to read this and understand it without here needing to ask me for context#i mean i want conversations to start but not because of translation reasons if you know what i mean#and it would be very unmotivating to read a book that has too many words you don't know bc the translator took things for grated#cris speaks#i am done complaining for now#the og book is super good tho i am happy i am reading it again after so many years#the---hermit
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I wanted to give my own quick interpretation of the scene where Atsushi... imagines? hallucinates? all those people while conflicted over what to do in the most recent chapter, because idk I haven't seen people talk about it that much?
See, the whole conflict with Atsushi in this arc is that he's replaced the constant demeaning of the orphanage director in his head with encouragement from his mentor, and he can control the tiger, and he supports the people around him... but Kunikida makes a point of saying (before everything went to shit) that while Atsushi's tiger is strong, he himself is still weak.
I don't think this has to do with Atsushi's character per se. I think it more so has to do with his still very simplistic views on people or the world - things are very black and white, good or bad. And when faced with a problem without a simple solution, Atsushi's unfortunate tendency is still to freeze up. This is not surprising - he may be 18, but he's a very... how do I put this... a very young 18. He hasn't had anyone teach him these things or guide him. He very much craves support and encouragement from others. He likely also didn't see much of the world outside the orphanage before he was kicked out either. And let's not forget how absolutely shot his self-esteem is. The fact that Atsushi functions and believes in the best in people as well as he does is testament to how kind-hearted and resilient of a person he is.
But here's the problem: Atsushi's self-confidence hasn't done much developing.
What Atsushi has learned throughout the story is how incredible the Agency as a whole is, and as he grows to learn and care about them and realize that he has been given a place to belong, he grows to support them in turn; pulls his weight in a number of increasingly badass ways (he caught a bullet with his teeth. GODDAMN). But all that confidence goes away the moment he is left alone. Atsushi has confidence in his own strength in a group - and only in a group.
Unfortunately, the Agency, though I believe well-intentioned, kind of enables this mentality in him. We see Ranpo, Kunikida and Kyouka in turn, who echo things they have said and would say to this situation.
"Don't you even know that?" Ranpo would ask this, rhetorically, and then solve it himself. Atsushi would not have time to come up with an answer of his own.
"Failure is unacceptable." Kunikida would say this and then act, no matter what. Atsushi would be left to follow what he does.
"You don't have to do anything." Kyouka would protect him. Atsushi wouldn't have to do anything because she would grab his arm and take over from there.
See what's happening here? These are no longer demeaning words from the headmaster (in fact, I want to reiterate that I believe they are all well-intentioned), but they still insinuate that Atsushi is incapable on his own. And indeed it's interesting that Atsushi sees these "visions" of Dazai guiding him all throughout the hunting dogs, sky casino and decay of angels arcs. I, for one, think this is just Atsushi's imagination and not a real vision (unless we get some evidence to the contrary in the future) but for now, it implies that Atsushi's self-confidence is still so abysmal that he has to imagine someone giving him advice and advising him on what to do - instead of being able to consciously admit these ideas are his own.
And then Fitzgerald shows up - "No one expects anything from you." Looming over him, a symbol of power and status over the panicked, conflicted form of a boy who feels eternally powerless without support.
And then it gets interesting.
Akutagawa shows up in Atsushi's mind, for the first time in a guiding role, not a demeaning one. And there's a definite reason for this - when Atsushi was all alone, when he admitted to himself he had no idea what to do and was terrified to be left to fight with no one else with him - who showed up?
Akutagawa. Akutagawa, who in spite of everything, fought by his side and was reliable. And the thing is, Akutagawa cannot take over, not in their kind of plans, or they just won't work. They have to work together. They have to be equals. And on some level, I think this part shows Atsushi's realization of the rather surprising amount of trust Akutagawa had to have placed in him - and him alone. I find it rather heartbreaking that Atsushi appears to have just now started to realize this after their plan failed due to a lack of trust (mostly on his side I'd say) and Akutagawa died.
So, Atsushi receives guidance from Akutagawa, and of course, from Dazai, the person he is extremely grateful for as a mentor. They don't tell him what to do. But still, Atsushi is guided into looking - "get out of your head" and moving - "the door is right there - do something about it". These "visions" still spur Atsushi into action, but the action itself? It's Atsushi's alone.
Atsushi still needs to justify his actions by imagining others giving him support, but this is definite progress for him restoring a sense of personal... agency (see what I did there?) within himself.
And yes, his eventual course of action is to find Fukuzawa and have him make the final decision on the matter - but really now, he's just been told something that apparently has Teruko (who I am certain is older than much of the cast and likely a former soldier from the war) drained and tired and seemingly conflicted herself - this isn't really the kind of issue you want to be deciding on all by yourself. Also, admitting you don't know what to do but moving forwards anyways to actively ask for advice or help is very much still making a decision and moving forward. Actively asking someone what they think about a complex situation is very different from being passive while others take control around you.
Atsushi made the decision to walk out that door into uncertainty. And I am convinced he's going to have to pick a course of action anyways - as of right now, Fukuzawa is out of commission, as are Dazai, Akutagawa, Ranpo and Kunikida (we don't know where Kyouka is yet).
It's been a long time coming, but this is serious progress for his character.
#i will say that it's interesting that the big previous self-informed idea atsushi had - working with the mafia against the guild#he also went to approach fukuzawa#i think there's something in that too but i'm too tired atm#to clarify though - in the guild arc he was very certain that the truce was the right decision#and here he is uncertain which is where his confidence consistently fails him throughout the story#anyways idk what people thought of this scene or what but this is how i read it? i guess?#bsd#bsd atsushi#bsd akutagawa#shin soukoku#sskk#bsd chapter 105#bsd meta#hope this wasn't entirely incoherent#if it was... sorry about that :/#storyrambles#editing to add in that i love atsushi so much. sweet tiger boy. he's such a good bean
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[modern] cael | red dress, white dress
After Cael picks up a new hobby relating to your latest work, the two of you discuss weddings and wedding dresses. It ends with a proposal, from you to him.
1.8k, set after qixi [+ some spoilers for his whisper], romantic fluff + super self-indulgent, reader is mc, sequel to this cael fic [but you don't have to read it in order], series: none
IN THE TIME SINCE THE night of the QIxi festival, Cael has discovered an amusing new hobby with which to occupy himself with, when he's with you.
The words that the painter and the spirit speak—particularly towards end of your oneshot—are, evidently, not unrelated to your relationship with him. That much is obvious. And it'd be rather difficult to claim otherwise, given the faces they wear.
You haven't tried to, either.
Between the two of you, there is an acknowledgment, implicit, that they are a reflection of your innermost thoughts and desires. That they are the kind of daydreams that even someone eloquent as him would find difficult to describe, domestic and loving—just tumultuous enough to describe their standing, with the sort of fairytale ending most would wish for. That they are memories, transformed only in setting and time—only this time, they are not newly acquainted or on a time limit.
He thinks of the quaint little moment where the painter promises to make sure that no one will bother his lover. Had he not done the same for you, once, long ago?
He remembers the casual affection the spirit showers upon her love too, the way she finds herself with her head on his lap underneath the wisterias, and if that ever stops feeling familiar, it must be because he's lost his mind.
After all, you've always been an affectionate person. How can he miss it when the evidence remains in the lingering heat left by your touch? Through the way you so easily take his hand, or throw your arms around him—
When your lovesick gaze isn't boring holes into his body, that is.
He's no better in that regard. In some ways, he thinks he might be worse, with the way his loving gaze seems incapable of following anyone but you. But you might turn it into a competition if he brings it up, so Cael—well aware it won't end well for him—keeps his mouth shut.
Still, it's clear that you never expected him to start quoting your dialogue back at you.
It reminds him of one of the first times he'd properly let his mask down. The way the gears turned in your head, your deer-in-headlights expression betraying your panic before he'd clarified his joke. You'd stared at him—half-relieved, half-surprised, sitting in the silence a bit longer before you laughed.
Today, when you stare at him, there is a hint of defiance peeking through from underneath your flustered mien.
You're dressed casually, in a yoga pants and an oversized t-shirt with one of your favorite cartoon characters. Jagged lines run across the drawing, signaling its age. Some parts of the design have entirely vanished, but it remains one of your most faithful companions still.
With your head on his lap and legs thrown over the armrest, you're sprawled across the couch. In your hand is your phone, and before he dropped his line of the day on you, you'd been showing him a red dress that you really liked—one you intended to buy with your next paycheck.
"Thank you." The effect of your haughty tone is greatly lessened by the scarlet hue painting your cheeks. You clear your throat. "Does that mean you'd like to see me in a red dress?"
Cael chuckles, brushing your hair gently. "To me, it seems like you're the one who wants to be seen in a red dress."
"Of course, I do," you reply, your hand reaching out to play with his hair. "But red or white, it's not the dress that matters. As long as there's a certain someone waiting for me at the end."
For a moment, his quick-thinking mind betrays him, offering him nothing but static. He puts down the book in his hand down and carefully adjust the bookmark until it looks neat. His attention had left its crisp pages when you'd sat down beside him, but it remained in his hand still.
Occasionally, he would flip to the next page, then remember that he had absorbed none of the words on the previous page. So, he would go back, a fact that had not escaped your keen gaze—you'd teased him plenty for it, and who was he to stop you?
"I wonder who that certain someone is," he murmurs.
"I think he knows who he is," you answer, holding onto the end of his now braided strands. After a moment of digging around in your pockets, and the sofa as well, you managed to find a hair tie. "Or, he should, by this point."
"Indeed," Cael says, earning himself a wry smile from you. "It would be difficult to miss."
Enamored by your smile, he sifts through his memories, searching for the line that had left every single reader in desperate search of their own painter.
You'd been rather pleased when you went scrolling through the comments, with a smile so big it bordered on evil. So pleased, in fact, that you made sure to show him every such comment. The underlying meaning to your words was clear—you'd already found your painter, after all.
You'd have a big ego if you were dating someone so pretty too, you'd said, when he'd commented offhandedly on it.
He remembers responding with:
Then I'm certain I have the biggest ego out of anyone.
Though, his words ended up only disarming you for a brief second. It wasn't long before you were throwing your arms around him and calling him a liar ". But for the time being, the comment section was forgotten, and it was just you and him—and Beanie, watching you both from his favorite spot underneath the round table in the corner, seemingly miffed at being excluded.
He had snuck in a few extra treats for him.
Then, all was well in their relationship once more.
"'If that day ever comes, no matter what you want—'" Cael smiles helplessly, remembering the way you'd so easily captured his expression on the painter's face. "'I'll do everything in my power to bring you the most elegant wedding in the entire world.' Though you said the dress itself doesn't matter..."
You inhale sharply, seemingly forgetting—for a moment—that you're in the middle of braiding another section of his hair. When you look back at him, having looked away, your eyes are shining with poorly-disguised affection and your voice is painfully soft.
"When," you correct. "When that day comes. That's what I should've written down."
Letting go of his hair, you pull yourself off his lap and draw your knees closer to your chest. You rest your head on his shoulder. And as loose dark hair begins to tickle his cheek, his hand seeks out yours, pinky finger brushing against the back of your hand.
"When that day comes, we'll get married."
His gaze softens when he looks at you, in the midst of murmuring his agreement. Your wedding is something he's thought about often—his own is not. But now, the groom at the altar is no longer a blurry figure, devoid of any recognizable qualities and having only an aura of happiness that befits a day so celebrated.
It is something he'll ponder over until the day comes, all so that you're the happiest bride to ever live, whether on Earth or any other world.
"Good." You squeeze his hand gently. "Consider it a proposal then."
"It's the first time I've ever been proposed to," he comments offhandedly.
"Really?" For some reason, you sound surprised. And though your words sound like they could pass for a joke, the thoughtful note to them makes it clear that they are not. "Alright, I'm taking it back. I'll make sure to come back with a ring next time."
Cael smiles helplessly at you. "I'm not sure if you can take something like that back so easily."
His breath catches in his throat when you lift your head slightly to meet his gaze. Because in that moment, you're smiling at him brightly, It is blinding. While he's distracted, you lean in close and steal a quick kiss from his lips.
"Temporary measure," you respond, squinting at him in faux annoyance. "You're not getting rid of me so easily."
In a voice so soft that he's half certain you'll miss it, he says, sincerely, "I would never dream of it."
Judging by the way your smile widens into a grin, you don't miss it at all.
+extra
"YOU KNOW, YOU MISSED IT BEFORE," you point out unexpectedly, long after they've moved on from the topic of weddings and wedding dresses.
Cael catches onto the context immediately.
It's past dinner time now. The dirty dishes in the sink wait for you and your yellow rubber gloves patiently for their turn. He'd been the one to make dinner, something quick and easy, per your request. Your wish for the day had been "a lazy day together", so your initial intention was to order to takeout.
But halfway through the day, you began to crave his cooking.
Once he'd made sure the ingredients were there, getting them both out of a trip to the supermarket, you had no reason to refuse his offer. So you'd scrapped your plans and followed him into the kitchen to help.
"I'm not sure it would've been very appropriate to point out," he says, from where he sits at the dining table.
He'd expected nothing to come out of it, so he simply never brought it up. There were more important things to worry about at the time—your presence in Godheim, and all that came after that. His heart aches at the memory of your tears, particularly because he'd been the one to cause them.
They'd never properly spoken of it—of the day Peter Pan understood, but could not bring himself to make peace with, the fact that Wendy would have to leave him one day.
"After all, you were a teenager," Cael adds, remembering what he'd told your friend Natalie. "It would be no different than taking advantage of you."
His words, however, go in one ear and go out the other. You're rather specific about what you choose to pick out from his words, your next words discarding all but the subtext.
"So, you did know about my crush on you."
Though your words are undeniably a conclusion, a statement and not a question, they carry with them an expectation of a response. You crane your neck to fix him with an equally expectant stare, as if the weight behind your words isn't enough.
"Yes, I knew about your crush on me," Cael admits wryly. A helpless sigh accompanies his words. "What brought this on?"
You hum strainedly, returning to your dishes. "Nothing."
For the time being, he leaves it at that.
It is only when the two of you happen to encounter Lars while on a date that he discovers the truth, after some coaxing on his part. That you'd been under the impression that your crush on him was a secret kept carefully under wraps. That it'd been Lars who'd guessed otherwise—after some advice on how to handle Cael's new hobby—and subsequently been proven correct, leaving you to sulk on your own.
Unsurprisingly, Cael does not manage to stifle his laughter before you notice.
#fics by aya#lovebrush chronicles#lovebrush chronicles x reader#for all time#for all time x reader#cael anselm#cael anselm x reader#lbc cael#lbc cael x reader#lovebrush cael#lovebrush cael x reader#rambles from here on ->#this has been on my to-do list since qixi ended#also i don't think it's ever said that mc had a crush on him but. i feel like that's something im very attached to#the idea of cael being mc's first love...it's just too good#wanted to add that into the story but then i couldn't fit in the quote so i said “whatever make it an extra”#now i can finally pivot to alkaid bcs. i was supposed to do alkaid but i started during maintenance. and i needed te3#anyways im really in love with the way cael promises to find the perfect dress from mc but makes it sound like he won't be part of it#sir did you miss the part where you're the groom#hc that mc didn't realize how detached painter!cael sounded until she read it much later and hated using “if” vs “when”#just in general im in love with the whisper bcs. if you've seen me on discord lmao#at the time of writing this it's still in my name
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see, even though i kept singing, i was still crying alone
in the music festival where i danced frantically
are the sounds reaching your ears? lomia, lomia!
i fell in an almost magical love with a sound,
which i had finally met after years of separation,
and i didn't even notice. 🌹
#mellohi draws stuff#tsukasa tenma#emu otori#emukasa#tsukaemu#project sekai#prsk#pjsk#wxs#wonderlands x showtime#tenma tsukasa#otori emu#skeleton orchestra and lilia#waow guys it's emukasa who'd have thought#i was gonna add rui and nene too but my hand was hurting and my drawing tablet was dying#i kind of thought nothing of it until i saw someone's wishlist yesterday before wondershow#of them wanting emukasa skeleton orchestra and lilia so i thought “alright bet”#so now this exists!#it's kind of boring in that i could've done something more with the composition this feels very. typical of me y'know.#kind of wish i had it in me to render emu's dress actually she looks so good and unfortunately i am not nearly strong enough to do more#i'm not drawing tsukasa with the fedora fuck you fuck you fuck you#sucks that they're covering the wxs colour stars but whatever
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youtube
this soundtrack genuinely makes me so emotional like damn. the jack vs fiona scene at the end of ep 2 is already so perfect and then they had to go make this beautiful as hell ost with it too. those bastards
#yeah im gonna gush abt the borderlands ost again#it slaps so hard and i dont see many people talking abt it SOB#but this one especially got me by the balls#cause it really adds to the intensity of the decision of whether you should trust jack or fiona#like you can feel rhys' nerves and conflicting emotions through the soundtrack alone#cause even tho you yourself know jack is Bad and fiona is the objectively good option you also know that rhys has a different perspective#fiona is a pandoran con artist which should be reason enough to not trust her (dude is NOT immune to hyperion propaganda)#but shes also tough and survived for 29 whole years WHILE ALSO protecting her sister so she's gotta be doing something right#and even rhys could tell fiona is very genuine. plus they set out to find the vault together so he kinda has to trust her at some point#but then theres jack who hes idolized for so long and hes literally in his ear telling him not to trust fiona#but trusting jack means giving jack way too much access to his cybernetics and even tho hes a massive fanboy hes also aware of jacks nature#and on top of this hard decision theres also a time limit. like he had to make this choice on the spot#IM TELLING YOU MAN THAT SCENE IS CRAZY. I GET GOOSEBUMPS THINKING ABOUT IT#and no matter who you pick at the end youre always like 'well. this doesnt bode well'#because youve either essentially given jack access to your brain or youve pissed jack off and neither of those are good#rhys was in a lose-lose situation there#txt
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I cannot stop thinking about Haku.
I have a much longer post in the making, talking about his behavior and his relationship with trust and truth/lies and another one about his relationship with being a ghoul, but in the meantime, have this:
Kano from Mekakucity Actors (Kagerou Project) and Haku from Tokyo Debunkers
Same vibes, trust me.
Just. Listen.
Happy/flirtatious behavior, glimpses of a darker/upsetting hidden past, self-loathing, family not treating them right, hiding their true self, not being happy with what they have become, wanting someone who they can be honest with and who fully trusts them, working hard while acting like it's nothing, lies lies lies, "Ah sorry, I was just joking/it was just a story! haha", just---
Just trust me c:
Looking for more proof? Look no further: listen to Kano's song
(it's so good yo, you won't regret it)
youtube
Also, Hotarubi's episode is filled with lies/truth themes... Like.......
Bonus: Subaru saying this to Haku send help please someone save me aaaaaaaaaaaaah
Extra note:
In Kagerou Project many of the characters go through "a traumatic experience" (which is sometimes described as "having your heart be devoured by a monster") that grants them a "power" and they feel "othered" and like a "monster (no longer human)" because of it.
Sound familiar?
Kano's power is to "deceive" btw :)
#Tokyo Debunker#Haku Kusanagi#Shuuya Kano#dawngel speaks#dawngel writes#also they both have longer hair on their right side? what is this#if this gets you into Mekakucity Actors please let me know I love it so much ;w;#Kagerou Project my beloved#I don't know if I should add the main tags for Mekakucity Actors and Kagerou Project since this post is mainly focused on Tokyo Debunkers 😭#I cannot stop thinking about Haku someone save me#same goes for Taiga but that's for another day#aaaaaah#also#Subaru and Haku's relationship please someone rescue me fr I'm screaming I cannot deal with this#and then it turns out that he had been lying too?? and then he trusts him (and mc) with something so important??? and then Haku--#save me#anyway#listen to the song it's really good#the extra note is described very vaguely on purpose btw
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just going about my day idly contemplating how some of the ways hawke can interact with a romanced anders are not at all unlike how they interact with leandra (and a bit of carver too, especially with a purple hawke), and then thought about my hawke in the timeline where he romances anders and was hit straight in the face with 'was he ever actually in love, or was he just desperately trying to renegotiate with his mother's ghost in any way he could' and now i need to lie down. this is the power of dragon age 2
#'you don't know my mother' haunting me through the years#dragon age#dragon age 2#hawke#On second thought let's not go to Kirkwall; it is a silly place#there are of course as many ways to do/read that relationship as there are players to interact with it haha and all valid!#but my personal version of handers is sooo fucked up and bad times for everyone involved and I love it haha.#this is a relationship neither of them should have been in and that made everything worse and everyone unhappy in the end#locked tomb levels of the horrors of love. i ship it but in the way that I want to make it sadder and more gutwrenching each time#to be clear this is a very mutual two-way kind of fucked up but I think varric in his loyalty and love would downplay hawke's side of it#for huge swathes of their relationship anders is not in a mental place to be a good partner and the emotional blackmail is Not Okay#(but it's just like how mother used to make it! hawke's soul cries sadly as it reaches for it hungrily)#which is in some ways fair enough no one could accuse him of not warning you ahead of time fjskda#but hawke is messy about it in a way only available to a covert people pleaser who has never had a millisecond of therapy#with some added stuff that my hawke is always acespec in some form and when he gets together with anders...#is the sex something he doesn't particularly care to have or not have but it 'makes anders happy'/he longs to feel wanted *and* needed#and also a way he gets out of ever being *actually* vulnerable (which I think he'd had to be with varric for example if he Went There )#'you want the hawke who's in your head so badly and I kind of wish I were that hawke too. so let's be collaborateurs with that fantasy'#(and then maybe if I do it right every time you'll finally be happy hawke says in his heart looking at this leandra-anders phantom form)#(and echoing stuff in varric's relationship to hawke but I think the important distinction there is that varric -- is a craftsman haha#he KNOWS when he's lying/making up a story he KNOWS the difference between what is and what he wishes the world was#(I think there's some deep longing there to not know; for it to blend together or have the power to change things. but he always knows)#which ironically leaves him in a better position to actually see and understand hawke the person#even as he is creating hawke the literary figure. almost to protect him in some ways? god da2 is so full of STUFF!!! I adore it)#and of course anders gets so disillusioned with hawke's inertia and lack of action (you all but married this man anders!#you should know this about him he's already carrying the whole family and city on his shoulders if you add a gram more he'll collapse!)#and hawke feels so desperately hurt that the promise anders seemed to make that he'd be enough -- that he could fix things for him --#('I'm the one bright light in kirkwall and that apparently doesn't count for shit so I'm just slowly turning to ash for you')#turned out to be untrue. anyway. sad now. imagine them meeting like twenty years on what the fuck could you even say to each other then#(I can't imagine Hawke ever physically hurting anyone he loves so he just tells Anders to leave at the end of DA2. they COULD meet again
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