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railingsofsorrow · 7 months ago

Text

Epilogue

[peter parker x reader]

summary: harry finds your behaviour slightly suspicious & there's an evening spent between friends.

pairing: p.parker x f!reader; slightly harry osborn x f!reader; mj x felicia hardy.

w.c: 3.3K

warnings/content: jealousy; injuries (mentioned); protective harry osborn; language; migraines (mentioned); clumsy but committed peter parker (yes, he learnt from his mistakes. finally); discussion about the multiverse theory; angst but there's more fluff this time sadly; minor character's death (mentioned).

A/N: this fic has come to an end :( it was fun writing this. my first experience in writing a short spiderman fic, it was so hard to come up with a good ending and it probably still not perfect but I feel like it's a good enough one. I hope you like it too and that you'll come back to read more of my spiderman stuff, cause there will definitely be more! good reading, people <3

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“So they're just gone?”

You turn your neck to glare at your friend. Ever since you mentioned your migraines to him one day and he saw one of your episodes once or twice — a little bit more than that — he hasn't stopped bugging you about it. He wanted you to go to the doctors to get checked out. Until, well. Until the migraines miraculously vanished. Your head never bothered you anymore and you're even sleeping better, given the lack of dark circles around your eyes.

Harry wasn’t having it.

First and foremost, he did not believe continuous migraines were cured just like that. Overnight. Because how come he saw you incapable of watching a lecture one day and you're perfectly fine on the other?

Either you are popping some pills or someone magically healed you.

He didn't like any of the options.

He was still worried, okay? Harry cares. He may not be loud with it, but it's you, so he cares. And he cares a lot. You should know better than to just outright lie to him.

“Yes. Why does it matter? I'm fine, shouldn't you be happy I'm no longer whining on your shoulder?”

“You're not taking drugs, are you?”

A surprised laugh echoed around the room and he almost felt his body melt at the sight of your curled up frame from how much you were laughing.

“It amazes me,” you said between chuckles. “that you'd think I'd pull that off.” Not without him knowing, at least. You and Harry are side by side for almost the entire day.

“I don't doubt you.”

“You're losing faith in me.”

“I never had it.” He huffs out a laugh when you throw a pillow at his face, hitting him right on his nose. He fell on his bed with a groan, you moved his homework out of the way before he could mess it up by laying on top of it.

“Just... tell me if it gets to that point again, okay?

You look at him, contemplating something that he can't figure out. With the way you avoid his eyes as you answer, he knows you decided to say something else instead of that first thought. “I will. But it won't.” He found the conviction in your voice strange. You can't know if it will ever get that bad again. Just as the migraines miraculously left, they might come back.

He didn’t question it further.

You went back to your homework, sharing some insights on his as he does with yours. It didn’t last long until your phone started blaring beneath the pillow you're perched on, the sound being slightly muffled by the fabric.

You feel Harry's teasing before he can sputter out a sentence.

“Shut up.” You hissed, picking up the call without looking at the caller ID.

“One Direction. Really?”

“Hello.” You pointedly turn away from his smirky face. You have to take the phone away from your ear due to some loud police sirens that come from the line.

“Hi, hello!” The distinctive voice of Peter Parker replies. Yelling. That was the only way you would be able to hear him anyway. “There's been a thing and I— Shit!”

You concluded the phone is thrown away because his voice suddenly sounds very far.

You offered Harry a lousy excuse to step out into the hallway, frowning at the other voices and the police sirens you could hear.

“Peter, you—”

“I'm back!” Again, you take the phone away from your ear with a sigh. “Sorry, I was— I was busy.” You gathered that fact by the way he sounded breathless.

“Are you running?”

“No!” The noise proceeded to quieten down and you raise an eyebrow at his blatant lie. “Sorry, was I loud? Feels like I was being loud. Sorry.” A door is closing and he's groaning at the end of the line. Instead of finding it funny, you start to get worried, picturing a dislocated shoulder or maybe a deep gash on his arm like last time.

You and Peter made an agreement. When you agreed to be friends again — part of that starting over bullshit that was your idea — you and him worked on filling each other out on both of your lives. Just catching up as good friends do. Less than a month later you were patching up his wounds as if you never had stopped doing that in the first place. Sometimes, you'd even think you were back where you started as if it was all back to the start of your story in Queens. Midtown. Making plans with Ned and Peter for the weekends. Sitting with MJ at lunch as much as she claimed she hated company. . .

There was a pull at your chest every time you remembered it wasn't like this. You weren't back at that time. You couldn't go back. You only had the now and it had to be enough. It was enough.

“Peter, are you hurt?” But you still felt the same agony whenever the idea of Peter being hurt came across your mind. An unsettling fear settling up in your core.

“No.” he shuffled around, clearing his throat. His voice was back for you to hear it clearly. “I'm fine. Just a bank robbery downtown and I—” he paused to let out a heavy sigh. “I'm sorry I'm late, I'll be there in a second, okay?”

You blink, confused. “What? Late for what, Peter?”

“Hanging out?” He said followed by a tinge of uncertainty. “Uh, you said that after class—”

Your brows shot up in recognition. “Oh! Yeah, that's—” Then you checked the time on your phone. You were supposed to meet after class to hang out around 5 p.m. It was still 3 in the afternoon. “Peter,” you held in a chuckle. “That's like, two hours away. You're not late.”

There's silence on his end and you start laughing.

“Oh,” he mumbled, letting out a breath of relief. “That's— That's good. I was thinking that I was like really really late and—”

“You're good, webs.” You softly reassured him. Peter has been working really hard to make sure he doesn't mess up with you again. That included arriving early at places. “Are you at home?”

“Yeah, I just got here.”

“Mhm. And you're not hurt at all?”

“Just a few scratches,” Peter answered with hesitancy. You smiled triumphantly. Not because you're happy he's hurt but because you knew you were right. “I'm fine, alright? You don't have to come.”

“Okay.” You said, stepping back into your dorm room, catching Harry eying your frame from your bed curiously. “No broken limbs though, right?”

Peter's scoff put a smile on your lips. “Have some faith in me. I can handle a robbery.”

The joke Spiderman can handle a robbery but Peter Parker is still clumsy almost slips out but, thankfully, you remember you're not alone.

“Sure. I'll see you later.”

“Hey,” he called your name before you could hang up so you waited for him to speak. “Do you— are you going— how are you— I mean...”

“Peter, breathe.”

You didn’t notice Harry's eye-roll, too busy cracking up at Peter's stuttering mess.

“Okay. Alright. Are you going by yourself? Cause I can pick you up and we can go, you know, so you don't have to go alone?” He clarified, a strain in his voice as if he's been choking up to say that.

“Oh. Harry and I are going to head out together, actually. He's here.”

You patiently waited for his response. “Of course. Yeah. Okay. I'll see you later then. You and— and Harry. And everyone else.”

“Yeah.” You sat down on the bed, biting the inside of your cheek. A weird feeling of guilt in in your chest. “See you later, then. Bye.”

You don't know why you feel guilty about turning him down. All of you would meet in the same place anyway so it's not like you weren't gonna see him, right? It's just a matter of logistics.

“Was that your boyfriend?”

You gave Harry a blank stare as you threw your phone to the side to go back to your assignment. One of his eyebrows arched up in defiance, he played your game of not looking away for a few minutes before you got sick of it.

“I wonder if the reason you're bothered by Peter is because you secretly have a crush on him.”

He looks away first and your lips spread into a satisfied smirk.

“Parker's not my type.” Harry uttered, leaning over your lap to mark a question that you had gotten wrong. His curls tickling your chin. “And this is wrong. It's not fifteen, it's fifty.” He decided to add for good measure, stepping out of your personal space. “I'm not bothered by him.”

You hummed quietly, erasing the previous calculation to redo the math.

“Who is your type anyway?” You asked, trying to cut through the tension. Every time you mention Peter, Harry's mood shifted. He got too quiet. He just didn’t like him for some reason you couldn't yet figure out. Peter and he haven't met before, that much you know. You claim you'll be out of this, because it's none of your business, some people just don't like each other, it happens. But you're curious and if the opportunity to find out the X of the equation comes, you won't run from it.

“You'll never know.” His mumble is so low that you wouldn't have heard it if you weren't sitting so close to each other. He steals the pen you were using, earning a frown from you. “I like this one better.”

“Buy one for you then,” you complained, not moving to get the pen back from him. You take the one he was using instead, eager to finish the assignment so you can have the rest of the afternoon free with your friends.

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[Pete]: (Picture attached)

[Pete]: Do you want this back?

When you opened the text message, your breath hitched. The image Peter had sent you showed the red scarf, the one you never let go of. You hadn't seen it in a while, ever since... Ever since you paid him a visit that night. The night you were set on burning the scarf along with that collection of pictures you found in your room.

You've been to Peter's place countless times after that, though. You wondered why he never mentioned anything.

[You]: Keep it.

You sighed, conflicted with that short answer. You weren't being rude, you didn't meant to be. But you didn't need the scarf anymore. Not when you have him back in your life. You realized the scarf represented everything the two of you lived and everything you didn't.

You didn't want it back. You weren't ready.

Not now, at least. You hoped he wouldn't be hurt by it.

[You]: Maybe one day you can give it back to me.

Satisfied with your reply, you slipped your phone into your pocket, standing up to help Harry carry five smoothies toward your table. Ned and MJ were on their way, as for Peter, you figured it was the same. His apartment wasn't that far from where you were.

“I know a loser when I see one.”

“Hello, MJ.” You greeted after taking the first sip of your smoothie. You offer her hers and she bumps your hip, sitting beside you in the booth as a greeting. “Where's Ned?” You asked, frowning now that you didn't see the boy arriving along with her. They were always together.

She shrugged, leaning back. “He said he would be ten minutes late. He was gonna get Peter so they could go to this store nearby his place before coming here.”

You didn't take long to acknowledge which store she was talking about. An eye roll later, you crack out a smile in amusement.

“The Star Wars one?”

She nodded and the three of you quickly entered a conversation about a movie that was airing on the local theatre. Ned and Peter arrived in the middle of your discussion, a few bags in their hands that earned your curiosity.

“Did you buy the whole store?” You joked, the edge of your lips curling up as Peter sat down in front of you, placing two little bags on the corner of his seat.

Peter raised an eyebrow at you, amusement all over his features. “Did I?”

“Looks like it.”

“Oh, this is—!” Ned exclaimed, taking a sip of his smoothie. Harry held back a laugh at the boy's blissed-out state. “You got it right.” He then pointed at Harry accusingly. “I love you.”

Harry shrugged, “I know.”

“The one time I got your order wrong—” MJ begins.

“You never get the right one.” Ned deadpanned, interrupting MJ's speech. The girl kicked his chin under the table and Ned proceeded to kick hers back. Just before the childish fight could escalate, you pull both of their ears and hear whining asking you to stop.

Peter and Harry were chucking and you have to backtrack because Harry wasn't glaring at Peter for the first time. Is this progress?

After a mindless walk to the nearest park, all of you silently decided to stick around for a while longer, basking in what was left of the sunset and the hues of orange, pink and blue that mixed together to form the purple sky of the evening.

You teased MJ at her inability to stop texting her girlfriend while in an evening among friends and she flipped you off immediately, blushing. She's been seeing Felicia Hardy for two months and from what you could see, it was becoming rather serious, even though MJ still cannot admit it. You know your best friend and her hidden smiles and secret joy because of a new person she's interested in.

“No, no, no. You don't get it. It's like different universes in one— Actually, no. Multiple universes that are currently happening right now. You could be you, but you're, I don't know, a villain in this other universe, while here, you're just Harry.”

Both of your and Peter's neck snapped as you turned towards the conversation between Harry and Ned.

Harry carried a crease between his brows, confusion twisting the corner of his lips.

“So I'm me... but different?”

Ned nodded vehemently. He'd always get excited whenever the topic of multiverse was brought up.

You, on the other hand, were tense and you did not have to look at Peter to know his reaction as well.

“I'm sure in every reality you're an entitled filthy rich bastard the same way. Don't worry.” MJ’s comment was enough you breathe again. Peter’s awkward laugh at your side.

Harry rolls his eyes, “and I'm sure you're sarcastic and bitchy about anything and anyone, Jones.”

You throw your head back to stare up at the sky.

“Children.” You mocked. Peter attempted to hide his laugh but he was not successful. You found it endearing how his cheeks slowly turned pink. It reminded you of when you were kids, he'd turn into a tomato every time he tried to hold in his laugh. “Behave.”

They initiated a bickering about she started it and he started it and Ned made a comment to side with Harry to add fire to the flames.

Sometimes you thought they could remember and then reality crashed down the moment for what it truly was. It could be good and bad at the same time. Bittersweet might be the right term to name the feeling. Of course you miss everything that was, but what currently is is also good, in a way. You have your people, despite the losses, you have him back and it's all that you could ask for.

“Peter.”

He gives you a sheepish smile, looking down at his shoes as he buried his hand in his jacket.

“Did you like it?”

You close the small box carefully. “How could I not? It's beautiful. I loved it.” You said, then punched his shoulder playfully. He pretends it hurts, but you know it doesn't. “Don't spend that much money on me, Parker.”

Peter shrugged, playing the nonchalant part. “I'll do what I want, actually.”

“You're such an annoying little shit, aren't you?”

He shrugged again, this time he's got a cocky grin and a little smug attitude you recognized from when he got an answer right and you got one wrong in an assignment. It's a glimpse of the carefree nature of Peter Parker. He's a little bit proud at times, but still clumsy around people, shy between strangers, and wears his heart on his sleeve for the people he truly cares about.

“You love it.”

“Help me,” you asked him when everyone stopped by the fountain on your way back to university. You had your back to him and he finally understood what he was supposed to do when he saw your fingers holding the two parts of the necklace behind your neck. He stepped forward, taking both parts from your hands and freezing once your fingers met. Your skin was cold. You shivered as he clasped the necklace, adjusting with a shaky sigh. His throat moved under his hard gulp. “Thank you.” You turned around with the little rose gold maple leaf pendant around your neck.

Peter blinked at you in a daze. The streetlight illuminated your figure as you moved your hair away from your shoulders so it wasn't curling around the necklace anymore.

You're beautiful. So beautiful.

As soon as he saw the maple leaf pendant, you came into his mind. It reminded him of the Fall, your favorite season, which, of course, led him to you. Funny that everything, somehow, lead him to you. He doesn't know what his life would be if it didn't. Nothing would make much sense, honestly. Peter didn't know how the other Peter Parkers handled losing you in their universe. It was such a difficult thought for him to even consider. His initial goal was to protect you and if that meant he had to let you go, then so be it. He would do it. Because you deserved a life without the mess that was his life. You deserved peace and happiness. But that plan backfired when he saw you crossing the street to reach a coffee shop. It was 8pm in the evening and he was on patrol. He had stopped two robberies an hour before so he was getting ready to go home and throw himself into bed, give a rest to his alter ego for the night. Until you showed up, crossing the street so distracted that a car almost hit you. Peter pulled you back in time, a hand on your shoulder to steady you from the scare of the car horn. You had been crying and at the moment Peter's only thought was to comfort you and figure out who had made you feel that way.

“Myself.” You laughed, tearfully. “Sorry. I wasn't paying attention.”

He convinced himself that from that point on he had to watch over you, to simply make sure you wouldn't cross the street without looking both ways again, or trip mad and get a severe head injury. He'd watch you from afar, it couldn't do any harm.

In reality, that was Peter's way of not letting you go and it had not been fair to either one of you. Especially you, who earned headaches and migraines and insomnia because of memories begging to come back, memories that shouldn't have been removed at all.

Peter disappointed you. He disappointed himself too — and probably Aunt May, who must be shaking her head in disapproval wherever she was watching over him from. He's slowly making peace with himself after everything. He's finally seen that having you close by was better than the heartache of letting you go and trying foolishly to move on. He didn't want to move on from you and if that was selfish. . . that was fine. Peter was never anything besides selfless his entire life. And if you wanted to be in his life, why couldn't he want to be in yours?

He would acknowledge the past and make the best out of the present. As for the future, well, he wasn't concerned, it would probably lead him to you. As always.

#peter parker x reader #peter parker imagine #peter parker fanfiction #peter parker fic #spiderman x reader #spiderman x you #reader insert

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tarithenurse · 2 years ago

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The Bathhouse

Fandom: MCU (AU) Pairing/starring: Jotun!Loki x Fem!Jotun!reader Content: Non-gender-segregated bathhouse, a bit of fluff and pining, smut, a smidgen of female heat, loss of virginity, naivety, mostly some sort of smut (though not P-in-V...this time). A/N: So this is actually from something else I’m working on just for myself but it had vibes that I thought I could use for some fun with Loki. Betaed by the lovely TanteFrutsel-CreativeNurse!

The Bathhouse

It has been a long day and you’re tired but even so you sneak past your friends’ doors at the inn and make your way down the stairs where the innkeeper is sitting with his book. A sideways glance reveals that it’s a volume of “Tusk Love” which you’ve never heard of.

Out onto the street and past the darkening homes, you can’t help but clutch at the concealed daggers although you feel surprisingly at home here in Utgarde. It’s just...it’s a new place and recent events have grown deep roots. It doesn’t make it easier that you feel like a stranger in your own body what with the delicate changes of the heat.

Living as long as Jötunn do, nature has decided to play a cruel trick on the females and only allow them to be fertile once every century... the heat, as this period is called, lasts for at least half a year in which they have to deal with several physical changes.

Reaching the bathhouse, the place looks closed and you are dubious when you push on the door but it swings inwards, allowing you entry to the antechamber with the reception where a flustered matron stands, wringing her hands and with curlers in the hair as though she’s been roused from bed and barely had time to dress.

“I’m terribly sorry,” she snips, “but we’re closed.”

“I was told to come.”

Before you can give more of an explanation a voice comes from the beyond the arches where the springs are: “She’s here on my behest.”

You continue into the changing area with the woman trailing behind, complaining quietly.

“Now leave us, please.” Loki sounds bored but authoritative, stirring something in you. It could be his demeanour or his rank, either way the matron leaves, pointing at a stack of towels on her way out.

The changing room has a series of smaller cubicles for private disrobing as well as a low bench snaking through the area. On the one end closest to the bath is a bunch of familiar clothes folded neatly and with a set of daggers lying on top.

Undressing, you discard your own weapons too although a knot forms in the belly at the idea of being unarmed. Then you grab a towel and wrap it around your torso before proceeding past the archway.

There’s a lot more steam than during the daytime when you would normally visit as though the springs run hotter at night. The sulphuric scent mingles with that of sweet incense burning in a pot to the side. That wasn’t there last time. Loki is resting in his true form in the water at the far side of the pool, facing the entry directly, and he lifts a dripping and muscular arm to wave at the newcomer.

“I wasn’t sure you’d come,” he admits.

And I’m not sure I should stay, you think. Still, you step forward, stepping into the bath wearing nothing but a short swath of fabric that you find entirely inadequate in spite of Jötunn traditions but at least it covers the most important bits. Loki isn’t shy to look, his red gaze travelling your form before meeting your own faintly glowing eyes and remaining there until you’re sat down, towel soaking up the water, making it cling to your body.

You sigh. The hot spring really lives up to its name. With eyes closed you dip down below the surface to wet your hair.

Upon resurfacing, you keep your eyes shut as you wipe the water from your face. “Now tell me...what brings me here?” you shrug blindly, unsure of what else to say but it turns out any more sentences probably wouldn’t have made it past your lips as the god cups your face with a hand and kisses your softly.

*SLAP*

It’s a knee-jerk reaction, caused more by bafflement than anger or fear and the moment your palm impacts with his cheek, you regrets it.

“Sorry!” you blurt simultaneously, leaving the other gaping.

You have rarely been the type that dreamed about kissing etc but this development is very far from anything you could have ever imagined. Shifting uncomfortably where you sit, you glance over at your friend and find that he has moved away and turned his back to you completely, fingers gripping the black tresses tightly.

“Please forgive me, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry,” he repeats under his breath.

As he mutters, you get up and slowly moves over, stretching out a hand to settle on his shoulder which makes him freeze under the touch. “No...I shouldn’t have...you just surprised me, is all.”

Turning and grabbing your hand as it falls, there’s a desperation in the god’s eyes that you don’t understand but you find nothing threatening there and so don’t back away when he closes the distance one careful step at a time.

He breathes heavily, hungrily. “I should leave.”

“Oh alright...but why?”

“It’s your...your scent...it changes when you’re in heat,” he grits out but stays put, still clutching your hand.

Holding your breath as if that could help, you consider everything you know about the nature of the heat you’re going through but you cannot recall anyone ever telling you about this effect.

“Does it...hurt you?” you ask naively.

A shiver passes through Loki from the top of his head and down, carrying with it your gaze which lands on something you have never seen before and you instinctively know that this is not meant for you to gaze upon. Snapping your eyes shut, warmth rising to your face, all the awkward lessons at school come rushing into your mind although they are coloured by something new now. Curiosity. Desire. Something within you is calling back, responding to the god’s desperation.

“No,” he chuckles darkly, “you’re are absolutely not hurting me...far from.”

“Then...is there anything I can do?”

“Tell me to leave.”

“And if I don’t?”

Loki closes his eyes for a second and shakes his head so slightly you almost miss it. When he opens them again he looks at you and asks,“Let me kiss you one last time?”

You have barely nodded before his mouth is upon you, stealing a kiss and your breath. Strong hands cup your face, tilting your head gently to allow him better access as his tongue sweeps the seam of your lips which automatically part.

After a second of flailing, you grab hold of him, pulling you closer together in spite of the prodding to your lower abdomen. You need the support or you would lose all sense of balance, of up and down...but soon enough your hands begin to wander, skating over his broad shoulders and down his back, teasing a new ripple to be released and pucker the blue skin under which his muscles bunch taut as if he’s restraining himself physically.

Then, just as sudden as he’d begun, Loki releases you and steps back several paces, leaving you with your arms stretched out before you, trying to reach him.

Something more than blood is coursing through your veins, throbbing at your core. You don’t quite understand it but you know one thing: you want more.

“[Y/N],” he gasps for breath, “this isn’t what I had planned.”

“I believe you.”

You move up to him once more and this time you’re the one to glide a hand around his neck, pulling him down for a new kiss which he gladly gives into for a moment before lifting his head up against your grip with a soft groan.

“Are you sure?”

“Shouldn’t I be the one to ask you that?” you mumble against his lips.

The strong Jotunn guides you to the edge of the pool, carefully removing the towel and lifting you up until you’re seated on the edge. “I could never regret you.” A perfect hand pushes against your sternum, slowly driving you onto your back while he slots his hips between your knees. “I know I cannot...but let me give you this instead...” Before you can ask what he means by that, he shushes you.

His grip is light enough that you could resist it when Loki pushes your legs apart, revealing your most intimates. Watching between the slopes of your breasts, you see him lick his lips before lowering himself to deliver a kitten lick to the sensitive folds.

You’ve never touched yourself there save for the practicality of cleaning. Nothing could have prepared you for the odd, delicate sensation of the increasingly dedicated strokes of the god’s tongue – sometimes broad, caressing all of your core at once, and sometimes pointed and directed to the bundle of nerves at the very front. It catches you off guard when your pelvis begins to rise on its own accord from the floor as an intensity builds within you. Loki grabs your hips, holding them in place and you can feel his smile against the puffy, lower lips.

“Loki, I...” you moan without really knowing what you want to say.

You’re on the verge of something new and you want him to bring you there despite the trepidation for this unknown.

Releasing your pearl with a soft pop, he smiles up at you with a glistening mouth. “It’s alright, I got you,” and with that he returns to the ministrations.

It comes as a rush, crashing through your body in waves until you’re a moaning and writhing mess. Fingers claw for anything to hold on to, finding only his hair as your back arches off the cool stone floor. Again and again you mewl his name.

Slowly, lapping at your core lazily, he helps bring you down from this new high until you can finally breathe evenly again.

“Fucking hell,” you sigh, staring up at the ceiling while still quivering.

A strangled grunt from Loki makes you look for him: his fist is holding onto his shaft, pumping it and drawing your curiosity despite feeling abashed at that and what has just transpired.

“Please...touch your breasts for me,” Loki pleads and you obey without hesitation.

Testing at first, you quickly find that the nipples are overly sensitive, sending goosebumps down your body when you roll them between the fingers. You also cup the breasts fully, squeezing them and for the first time in your life admiring their form.

“Just like that,” he groans, hand moving more furiously.

A curiosity strikes you and you slip a hand between your legs, tracing the wetness there until you hone in on the clit which makes you shudder. Hesitantly at first but then with greater need, you begin to rub small circles onto the sensitive spot, encouraged by the words of praise that Loki showers you with until he suddenly growls your name and stutters, pearly white leaking between his fingers as his head falls back.

In that moment, he’s the most beautiful you’ve ever seen: fragile yet strong and so incredibly sensual with parted lips.

He sinks to his knees and you slip into the water in alarm, catching him in your arms and relishing in the nearness of him. It takes a moment before you realize that he’s talking to you, slurring his words slightly because his lips are pressed to your blue skin.

“...not what I planned. I wanted to court you first. To bring you to my favourite places or learn of yours, wine and dine...treat you like you deserve.”

You’re stunned at the revelation but manage to gather you wits. “There’s still time for that.”

Loki’s hands find your waist, thumbs running circles below the ribs and causing you to shiver especially when he adjusts the grip so he can graze the bottom of your breasts. Slowly but surely his attention is diverted, split between fondling them and your ass.

“For so long,” Loki confesses, “I’ve been admiring you from afar.” His fingers slide along your hipbone, tracing the vee until delving between your still slick folds, making you whimper.

He turns you around, sitting you between his legs so you can feel the half-erect cock against your back as you lean against his chest. Long arms cage you in, holding you securely but gently as he continues the circular movements you yourself had initiated earlier.

“I don’t have words to explain why I love you,” the god whispers hoarsely in your ear, “but please let me try to show you.”

You nod mutely, breath already uneven as heat pools in your core.

It takes little time before he has reignited the burning ecstasy within you and you tumble over this strange precipice once more, calling out his name on ragged puffs of air.

This time, Loki simply holds you as you descend from the high, rocking you gently and whispering sweet nothings to you that make your heart swell with the knowledge that he loves you.

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contentment-of-cats · 1 year ago

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I'll say it again. Andor is the best Star Wars show.

And that's because they didn't let Dave Filoni anywhere near it.

The show is called 'Ahsoka' but is actually an unaired season of Rebels. It ought to have been called 'attempted massive retcon at unwise forward speed' or 'Sabine has abandonment issues and makes poor decisions.' There are good scenes (possibly from another show, which one is anyone's guess) strung together with tired plot devices. Thrawn was chucked into this mess because there was no other way to move the plot. I did dig on some of the details like the signs of age and hard living and the obvious condition of the Chimaera. Other than that - pfft.

Turning to Thrawn - I am an unabashed fan of the Zahn-authored 2017 Trilogy and the HTTE trilogy (except the ending). He is complex neither all good or all evil. He is an antagonist and protagonist at once. Someone to root for and also against. Did he contrive his exile to join the Empire and possibly take it over in order to protect his people? It's possible. I don't think we'll ever find out, though. That being said, I don't think we're going to get much more from two more episodes.

One of my friends said that Filoni writes for children's shows, and it's true. The characters are almost cartoonish, not understandable as adults, but as kids understand adults to be. Perhaps I am expecting too much from an eight-episode MCU-kin show, but there was time to develop Sabine, or FFS Ahsoka (you know, the protagonist?), to fill in whatever has gone on in the past nine years since the Battle of Yavin, five years after Endor. For Sabine and Ezra, there should have been more feeling in that scene than the swell of the music.

A lot of the blame rests with Disney, and the paranoia-controlled process to stamp out leaks at all costs. There is a continuity to writing a script, working out the story boards, reading the script, and then shooting that is entirely lacking in franchise-oriented product. Franchise oriented product is formulated to sell merch and streaming subscriptions, and to drive bodies into theme parks. It's marketable.

The writers' and actors' guild strikes are ongoing. I'm content to wait - writers and actors have been getting screwed, fucked, and buttered without mercy for years. There is a new intensity to the talks as the studios start to sweat.

Final note: I love Thrawn, but the ageism of a vocal part of the fandom makes me want to still be around when these people hit 50. Age and illness and injury HAPPEN. Our bodies do not work as well when joints break down, we get hurt, or sick. Even when he regain functionality, it doesn't all come back. Even when our lives are saved, there are still sequelae. It's made me think less of some folks.

#thrawn #ahsoka

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buckevantommy · 1 year ago

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Sorry do you hate marvel or not? You reblogged a gif set from moon knight, that straight up nonsense show, saying they should give a show to one of the supporting characters? You know if you hate marvel media you can just not watch it right

marvel needs to die a fiery death.

i love stucky but the studio either queerbaited or was clueless or queerphobic plus steve's endgame made no sense. i love rdj's tony stark but he deserved better. they sexualised natasha to the nth degree rather than let scarjo work her drama muscles then killed her off rather than let her retire. moon knight was a mess but it was heartwrenching and different and oscar isaac deserves an award for that portrayal and i have a crush on layla and think may would crush a solo show - an egyptian superhero! (sidenote: i watched hawkeye recently and hated it but the deaf woc who got a redemption arc is getting her own show which is great).

i can care about characters and still hate their treatment - I'm an spn fan, it's second nature for me.

one of the many problems with the mcu is they're churning out multiple shows and movies per year which means they're not giving time to flesh out characters and plots like they deserve to be but it ALSO means a lot of eyes are on them bc when you crank out that much content in this day and age you HAVE to give diverse representation so we're seeing more and more poc characters in shows and on the big screen thanks to the mcu - eternals, shang-chi, moon knight, ms marvel, echo, blue beetle - and yes the mcu's diverse rep is problematic bc they care more about flash than substance and more about algorithms than grounded characterisations but you can't deny that the mcu has helped bring diverse casting into mainstream media. the worst company you know did a good thing, or however the saying goes. think back to the first avenger movies and how whitebred supermodel cishet they were. but thanks to societal influence and the changing of times, it became a necessity to have more poc characters in the mcu. the audience expected it.

however when it comes to queer rep, we've seen a lot more racially and bodily diverse casting and poc characters than we have queer characters. the first onscreen gay kiss took 26 movies and happened in Eternals, and other queer characters have been blink and you'll miss it moments or throwaway lines many viewers don't realise signified queer characters and instead misinterpreted those comments as humour or commentary. we've had a few queer side characters (negasonic x yukio, ayo x aneka, valkyrie, korg) but we're to yet to see a main queer character - and regardless of intention or comic book canon, throwaway lines, possible flirting, and jokes do not qualify as queer rep imho. so loki, deadpool, and tony stark don't count. it has to be explicit and undeniable, not catered to queerphobes so they can easily misinterpret.

but my point is: the mcu is a powerhouse that's been dominating the superhero genre and blockbuster charts for two decades, and from their success they've bet big in planning and putting into production dozens of shows and movies set to be released over the next decade. and that is a terrifying thought. they can't predict the future but they're trying to create content to fit a world that hasn't come into being yet. they're already behind the times on queer rep so i dont have high hopes for whatever they have coming queer-rep wise. but aside from that, their storytelling has become trite and so convoluted that they trade sense for the surprise factor. they're writing characters and plots to fit algorithm parameters like someone trying to say every buzzword in their work presentation. just look at Quantumania: a mess from start to finish in plot, dialogue, characterisations, not to mention stilted acting from a cast forced to act the majority of the film on greenscreen with no physical interactions to ground their performances.

i could go on and on but this post would get long and i'm no expert I'm just your average viewer and tumblr user looking for plots that make sense in stories i want to enjoy because i care about (or want to care about) the characters. if only the mcu cared as much about their characters as they do about big budget seizure inducing interdimensional battle scenes. as for genuine queer rep: maybe in 3 years we'll see a pair of same-sex lips gentle colliding like two pale coconuts. or maybe the mcu will crash and burn (or fizzle out) long before then.

i wanna be done with their stranglehold on the genre since they can't even produce decent shit these days. i want all the strikes going on atm to see creative teams get what they're owed. i want the next dozen mcu productions to flop so they realise they're not hot shit anymore. i want the streamer service upheaval to screw over their longterm plans. i want viewers and bloggers and journalists to call them out for being like the very villains they set up for their heroes to defeat - villains who want to control the cinematic universe, kill off competition, and screw over anyone they consider beneath them.

so yes, i hate the mcu. but there are characters i care about, and plots i wish were done better. but that's why fanfiction exists.

#anti marvel #anti mcu #.txt #diverse characters #queer characters #representation matters #lgbtqia

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legobiwan · 2 years ago

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How much did you learn about the Mr. L arc? It's fascinating. You can fight him as Mario, Peach or Bowser & he has comments about all of them. He has issues w/Mario. Peach is gorgeous/stunner. I think he makes fun of the fact she's always kidnapped at one point. Bowsers' King Incompetent/butterball (Bowser says he has a big shell.) There's a game theory ep about how brainwashing works that makes it more interesting.

I know the basics at this point, anon, but I'm slowly watching a playthrough of the game on YouTube in my spare moments and I am just...enthralled with this storyline and world. (It gets a little...existential at times? Plus, the minion scenes are hilarious.) I'm also learning a lot rummaging through the Mr. L tags on Tumblr and Ao3, hahaha.

Honestly, I cannot believe they gave Luigi a brainwashing/bad guy arc where he fights his brother. Good gods, if that was ever made into an animation (with all the fallout from said encounters) I think I'd pass out from happiness (it probably won't, it's a little too dark, I imagine, for the big screen). But Luigi without his inhibitions (because you have to figure a lot of that attitude was simmering under the surface for a while) being kind of a cocky asshole (who is an accomplished mechanical engineer as well, go get it my lanky plumber friend!) is just great. The notion of Team Good Guys (+ Bowser) freaking out if/when they did figure out it was really Luigi under the mask is so incredibly juicy and ripe for exploration. (Makes me think of the Bucky Barnes arc in the MCU. Who the hell is Luigi? hahahha)

Anyway, most of my Mario knowledge (and enthusiasm) comes from 90s cartoons and the waaaaaay early days of Nintendo (like the original, original Mario, which I did not have at home but some friends did), so it's been fun having a reason to dive into more recent lore. (Probably should check out Luigi's Mansion at some point to get up to date). Don't know if I'll ever actually play the games past some emulators on my laptop (kind of junky), but it's cool to see how video game narratives have evolved and matured. And I'm looking forward to the part of Super Paper Mario where we get into the apocalypse and the afterlife? (Mario-style, of course). Wild topics for a Mario game.

I'm also looking very forward to what I assume will be the outpouring of Luigi content after this film comes out next year. Finally, one of my original beloveds gets his due! (Hopefully, the film will have a solid Luigi B Plot).

#hello there #ask legobiwan #luigi #mario brothers #mr l #sorry this blog is now a part-time luigi blog when I'm not on my usual star wars bullshit #this has UNLOCKED something primal in my brain #sorry for the word vomit here this has been my first opportunity to delve into this new little (re)obsession

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pinkpilct · 2 years ago

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// wrote a little warm-up thing for what I’m planning for mayternity and thought I should share it!

original prompt is from @mpregstoryprompts but I can’t find the original post to reblog it from. check them out if you can! they have amazing prompts and I have so many stashed away in my drafts for when inspiration strikes!

pumpkin seed

Fandom: MCU Pairing: strangefrost Word count: 1000 Tags: mpreg, fluff, pregnant loki Warnings: No warnings apply

AO3 LINK

"Hey, Loki!" Stephen interrupts. "Look at this."

Loki glances over at him, one brow arched. Then a very unimpressed expression takes over his face. "What...What are you doing?"

“Are you sure you’re okay to be doing this?” Stephen asks once again.

“Yes, Stephen, I’m sure,” Loki answers with an irritated sigh, tired of giving the same answer to the same question. He is walking in front of Stephen, surprisingly nimble despite the round heavy dome attached to his front, every single step careful and deliberate and secure. Despite the hint of waddling in his own walking, he can tell that Stephen is struggling just a little to keep up.

“Your back isn’t hurting?”

“Not yet. Your child seems to be behaving thus far.”

“Just be careful. There’s a lot of pebbles and loose stones. I don’t want you to fall and-”

Another sigh, and Loki stops, turning to face his husband. “Stephen. I’m fine. I can do this. It’s just walking. I’m pregnant, not incapable.”

Stephen, not quite content with this answer, stands with his hands in the pockets of his pants, shoulders hunching slightly as he looks out over the open expanse of land. The air is crisp and cool in New Asgard this time of year, and it’s been so long since Loki last stepped outside that his breath comes quickly and cold against the wind.

“Are you going to let me walk in peace?” Loki insists, feet twitching with the want to continue.

"...Yes." Stephen answers, though he doesn't look very convinced. "I’ll try. Just...just watch where you step, alright?"

Irritation pools in Loki's stomach. A surprising feeling, with the baby taking so much space he hadn’t thought there’d be room for anything else. Of course Stephen is worried about him. Loki is no fool, he understands. The past few months have seen them worrying about each other more than ever. But right now, Loki would rather not see those blue eyes filled with worry and apprehension. He just wants to stop thinking about the possible dangers that could come for him now that he is in the most vulnerable state he's ever known. And pick a damn pumpkin for Halloween. And bake some bread. Maybe carve some small jack-o-lanterns together if Stephen has the time in between his Sorcerer Supreme duties. That's all.

"Thank you, my love. That is appreciated," Loki says, refusing to take a defensive tone with Stephen even if he really really wants to right now. "Come on, then. This way. Thor said all the good ones are just over there."

He turns to waddle his way towards his destination, occasionally sneaking a glance at Stephen. He's watching him too, lips pursed as he holds back further questions on Loki's wellbeing. But the expression on his face soon fades into something softer, almost warm, as if Loki is the only thing he sees. It makes Loki's heart flutter and his cheeks redden, turning his attention back to the path sharply.

Eventually, they find the mentioned pumpkins. And they're huge.

"Oh, wow. These are...really big," Stephen mumbles, looking from one side of the patch of orange and green to the other. It's much larger than either of them had expected, with several more patches of much smaller pumpkins in between. Thor hadn’t been kidding when he’d said the Asgardians had been taking up farming. "You want to drag one of these monsters home?"

"No," Loki answers smugly, a hand supporting his belly and emphasising it. "I'm going to choose one, and you will drag it home."

Stephen breathes out a laugh. Of course. "And here I thought you brought me along for company."

Loki's smirk widens, not offering an answer, then turns to start inspecting the pumpkins. He doesn't really care about shape or size, he just wants one that's bigger than Thor's. A pumpkin so big it’ll eclipse all the rest. Perhaps this one? Or this other one that’s squashing some weeds?

A little jolt in his abdomen distracts him, and Loki’s smirk gives way to a warm smile as he rubs his belly affectionately.

"Finally woken up, have you? I was wondering when you’d be giving us your opinion," he whispers to the bump, secret words exchanged only between them. A wiggle answers his voice, then a squirm as the child rolls, making Loki huff. "Oof... If this is your way of helping-"

"Hey, Loki!" Stephen interrupts. "Look at this."

Loki glances over at him, one brow arched. Then a very unimpressed expression takes over his face. "What...What are you doing?"

Stephen is holding a perfectly spherical pumpkin in front of his stomach, with a ridiculously stupid grin on his face. Loki frowns. Stephen wiggles his eyebrows before he says: "Can’t you tell? I'm you."

Loki blinks.

Stephen begins to wonder if he should start preparing for some flying daggers.

A long moment of silence takes place before Loki snorts and starts to laugh. Stephen laughs with him, somewhat relieved that his joke has not been answered with something sharp. He approaches his partner, who greets him at his side with a flick to his nose.

"That’s not funny," Loki says in between chuckles. "You aren't funny."

"What?" Stephen says, offended. "I am! Look at you! I can barely tell the difference between the pumpkin and you. Identical." He holds up the pumpkin next to the bump, as if it proves his point.

The resemblance of the roundness is undeniable.

Loki lets out a high pitched guffaw, then his breath hitches, hands rushing to his belly to soothe their child. "Fff... Baby also thinks you're not funny."

Stephen's smile grows wider, a hand reaching out to feel the thumping of the baby's feet, the other still holding on to the pumpkin. "Is that right? Not a fan of dad jokes, kid?"

“No, they are not. Have some mercy on my insides and keep those jokes to yourself.”Loki says, still laughing and with a fond smile on his lips. "You know, I think we've found our prize."

“This one? You sure? I thought you wanted a bigger one.”

“Hmm,” Loki shakes his head. “This one’s just perfect.”

#mpreg #mpreg fic #strangefrost #mcu #mcu mpreg

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litcityblues · 1 year ago

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Loki Season 2 & What Should Have Happened With The MCU

I think it’s safe to say that at this point, the MCU has hit a rough patch- but the weirdly frustrating thing about navigating said rough patch is that a lot of the content they’ve put out has not been bad. In fact, some of it has been good to downright excellent, but the problem is that there’s been way too much of it.

Loki is firmly in the ‘downright excellent’ category. You actually see some of that old MCU magic at play here. There’s a unique visual style. Good characters. It’s obviously a key piece of the multiverse saga, but the frustrating part is that they didn’t really treat it like that until the end of the second season where Loki’s position in the multiverse becomes very apparent indeed. (Also that there gets to be a Multiverse full stop.) Leaving aside the Kang speculation for awhile, I think it’s worth looking at everything that’s come out since Endgame and really assessing what was necessary and what wasn’t. I think (and you won’t convince me of anything else) that a firehose of content was what undid them here. When it becomes a chore to keep track of whatever is going on in the MCU, you’re going to see diminishing returns and that’s exactly what has happened.

So, if I’m an agent of the TVA and going back in time to try and fix this, this is what I’d probably do:

Far From Home: Keep

Black Widow: Keep

Shang-Chi: Ditch- though you can make a case for doing a release purely aimed at the Asian markets and/or making this an Iron Fist sequel where you clean up the obviously problematic things– but this movie was decent, but wasn’t really an ‘event’ for me.

Eternals: Ditch- I don’t mind the Eternals and it feels like an unusual departure and an attempt at trying something a little different for Marvel, so points for that. But without a plan of how to integrate them into the wider narrative, it feels like a wasted opportunity. (And they hinted at that with the Black Knight/Harry Styles cameo at the end- and then nothing happened with either of those characters as far as I can tell. Plus people keep rightly pointing out that there's a GIANT HAND coming out of the ocean that NO ONE in the MCU has mentioned since.)

No Way Home: Keep

Multiverse of Madness: Keep

Love and Thunder: Ditch- Something’s gotta go?

Wakanda Forever: Keep

Quantumania: Ditch- If the Eternals were trying something new with no integration into the wider narrative, Quantumania had the opposite problem. It was a chapter of the wider narrative that completely subsumed anything entertaining about the film. This should have been Avatar for the MCU.

GoTG 3: Keep

The Marvels: Keep- but I saw some decent criticism that pointed out that it’s hard to root for a character who is so damn powerful. Hopefully, the introduction of The X-Men gives them the opportunity to explore some storylines.

WandaVision: Keep

The Falcon and Winter Soldier: Should Have Been A Movie

Loki: Keep (obviously)

What If?: Keep

Hawkeye: Keep

Moon Knight: Should have been introduced somewhere else, but I appreciate the concept and how they portrayed it, but I’d say Ditch.

Ms. Marvel: Keep

She-Hulk: Keep

Secret Invasion: Should Have Been A Movie

Loki 2: Keep (obviously)

So, you’d go from 21 projects between streaming and movies down to 14 and suddenly the fire hose becomes a bit more manageable to me. I would have also led off with Loki as soon as practicable after Endgame so you could lay down the seeds of Kang (or whomever) and establish the Multiversity of it all. Wandavision does lead into Dr. Strange 2 quite nicely and the Spiderman movies tie in quite nicely as well with Dr. Strange and then the Spider-verse uniting with Andrew Garfield and Toby McGuire in No Way Home. Making Loki more of the centerpiece and turning down the firehose of content would have made the impact of the end of Season 2 land more impactfully I think.

Whatever you do- if you're moving into a Multiverse Saga then everything should have some connective tissue to that central concept and a lot of it doesn't-- some of that is probably down to the business of movies-- you're going to have some sequels, but again. 'less is more'.

(I am a big believer in the idea of ‘less is more’ for the MCU– but fight me in the comments if you don’t like what I’ve pruned from the timeline.)

But, Loki Season 2: The story picks up from Season 1- where Sylvie (Sophia Di Martino) has killed He Who Remains and thrown the TVA and the timeline into chaos. Without He Who Remains guarding the sacred timeline, the branches are growing out of control and Loki (Tom Hiddleston) has been afflicted with time-slipping that he cannot (at least at first)- but he and Mobius (Owen Wilson) go to TVA Technician Ouroboros (Ke Huy Quan) to try and figure out what's going on with Loki and prevent the Time Loom from going critical and exploding- which Loki sees in a vision of the future before he time slips again.

Loki, Mobius, and their allies in the TVA decide they need to find Sylvie-- but it turns out that's not the answer to their problems either, so they try and track down Miss Minutes (Tara Strong) and Renslayer (Gugu Mbatha-Raw) and find another of He Who Remains variants, Victor Timely (Jonathan Majors) instead. Everything keeps coming back to the Loom. They keep trying and trying to save it but eventually, Loki realizes that there is only one thing he can do to save his friends and, perhaps more importantly, reality itself: he goes out into the Loom and it explodes anyway, but Loki keeps going, realizing that his abilities can rejuvenate the branches and, rearranges them into a tree-like structure and becomes not the God of Mischief, but the God of Stories, overseeing the branches alone at the end of time.

The TVA dedicates itself to finding the variants of who remains across the timeline and stopping them and Mobius retires from the TVA.

Overall: Satisfying and perfect and a great way to wrap up this character's journey through the MCU, Loki Season 2 should be the capstone to Tom Hiddleston's role. Don't bring him back. Don't reboot him. Don't. Do. Anything. Else. (Unless it's very well-written and MAKES SENSE in terms of your larger narrative.) I love the sets in this show. I love the color palette of this show. I love the cast in this show-- Jonathan Majors gives an excellent performance as Victor TImely. Ke Huy Quan is a perfect addition to the cast as OB and they bring the story to a close perfectly.

However- as I said above, if Marvel had slowed down the fire hose of content and committed to investing in fewer shows with higher quality writing/sets/casts, etc- I think they'd be in a lot better position. That's not to say that both seasons of Loki aren't important in the current scheme of the MCU-- they obviously are, but because of the firehose of content that Marvel unleashed, they are decidedly not the appointment viewing that they should have been. It's not quite as frustrating to think about as it is when you watch Secret Invasion which was a criminal waste of both Samuel L. Jackson and Olivia Colman and should have been a movie, but there's some frustration here. This show is very, very good. It got robbed of some of its flowers because Marvel decided that more is more, when in fact, less would have been better.

My Grade: **** out of **** One of the best MCU shows hands down. Could have been even better though.

#loki season 2 #mcu #marvel

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kylesvariouslistsandstuff · 1 year ago

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Physical media lovers rejoice...

This week, we got some rather bombshell news from Disney's home entertainment division...

First up is PREY, the Dan Trachtenberg-directed PREDATOR film, getting a 4K and Blu-ray in October. That's *big*. PREY was one of the movies that Disney sent straight to streaming last year, among many other fellow 20th Century Studios titles like THE PRINCESS and ROSALINE. PREY had actually had actually tested very well before release, and many were puzzled as to why it never got a theatrical release... and why it seemingly had no future as a title outside of Hulu.

Even some recent theatrical 20th Century/Searchlight titles - confusingly - never made it to disc, like BARBARIAN - a surprise favorite of mine last year - and SEE HOW THEY RUN. The former was also thought to be a Hulu-only exclusive, but great test results bumped it to theatrical. And thankfully so, that was a movie - what with its one or two hard-left turns - worth experiencing in a theater. I certainly hope those movies come to 4K/Blu-ray very, very soon.

But even better... More physical media of streaming-exclusive stuff! Disney is now putting three Disney+ shows on physical media, on 4K and Blu-ray. WANDAVISION, LOKI's first season, and THE MANDALORIAN's two seasons... Obvious that they'd go with the MCU shows and the STAR WARS content, but it's a start... And it was strongly implied for quite some time that Disney+ was going to be the *only* place where you could watch the Marvel shows...

Well, demand can be quite a persuasive thing to these companies... Being loud works!

I don't know if this will lead to any other shows or movies getting the disc treatment. Disney heads had sort of implied that they'd put a greater emphasis on physical media releases in North America (meanwhile, pulling the plug on physical media releases in Australia, GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY VOL. 3 being the final title) post-Chapek... But I can easily see this being applied to popular stuff and not everything that's been released.

My hope is that all those 20th Century films eventually make it to disc, along with the Disney+ original movies and shows. HOWARD, in particular, is at the top of my wish list. Especially the ones they inexplicably removed, too, like CRATER. No work should be erased and unavailable to see. Like, ever. When something's made and released, and I don't care how good or bad it is, it's the public's from there on out. It should always be available, especially in a post-Disney Vault world.

It's funny because Disney themselves, back when the home media division was called "Walt Disney Home Video", released a truck-TON of various live-action movies on video and DVD over the years...

In the early 1980s, 90% of what was available on video from Disney was live-action stuff, due to the company's hesitance to release the majority of the animated features on video. So you had almost all the live-action movies, from well-known films like MARY POPPINS and THE LOVE BUG to things like... THE NORTH AVENUE IRREGULARS, SNOWBALL EXPRESS, GUS, etc. By the late 1980s, several other films made it to video, such as 2-parter movies that were aired on Disney's anthology program... Ever hear of SMOKE? BLACK ARROW? MY DOG, THE THIEF? Even some of the first-ever Disney Channel movies saw video releases back then, such as TIGER TOWN and GONE ARE THE DAYES.

Disney was even pretty good with putting a lot of these on DVD in the 2000s, although some didn't make it past videocassettes. And I have to say, when Disney+ launched, I was quite astounded at how many titles they had on there... Outside of greed and corporations being dinguses, I see no reason for the stuff not to be on there. I get licensing/rights stuff concerning catalogue 20th Century titles... But Disney-made titles? C'moooon...

So, this news gives me a spot of hope regarding physical media and the availability of certain films/shows.

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valkyrieandstrangeridingaragorn · 2 years ago

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I haven’t seen GOTG Vol. 3 yet, but I was planning on seeing it this Mother’s Day with my mom and family because they’re the MCU movies and characters she likes the most and really the only ones she’s been super invested in. However, after seeing news of the discussion around some of the particularly distressing scenes with animals in the movie, I’m wondering now if we should reconsider going on that day or something, just because I wouldn’t want to bum everyone out or make them upset on what’s supposed to be a happy day.

With my mom in particular, because while she can handle stuff like that because she can understand the importance of addressing important stuff like animal abuse in art, she also isn’t someone who seeks stuff like that out or wants to fill her life with things that cause such intense emotions for entertainment. She’s not naive or anything, but I can see how maybe she wouldn’t want to spend a day made for what she wants to do watching something that is just a movie to her, but a particularly heavy and distressing one. It’s especially concerning for me because her favorite animals are otters, so I don’t know if something bad happens to Lyla, but if it does and it would upset my mom then I don’t want to invite that.

Obviously you don’t know my mom or how she would react, and your tolerance for upsetting scenes in movies is likely different from hers, but what I was hoping you could maybe help with us sharing your thoughts on the films content with those scenes and elements (in the most spoiler-free way if possible) and I could take it under consideration when I bring it up with my mom later. I realize this is a lot to ask for being so heavy, but thank you very much for your time and effort.

It's okay, dear! I think it's so sweet that you're taking this so seriously just so you can make it a pleasant experience for your mom. 👍

There's nothing too graphic or especially bothersome in the movie, and the sad beats even though they're respected and they have their moment to shine, don't ever linger so much that you can't enjoy what comes next. You may feel sad or cry for a moment... but soon after you're laughing and having a good time. And many things are hinted at but not shown at all.

I'd say it's all more emotional pain than anything else, there's nothing too gore or distressing, at least in my opinion. I won't lie though, a few scenes are a little heavy on the emotional side.

Of course this depends on what kind of thing you might be comfortable with or not but I can assure you the sadness you might feel at certain parts is replaced by laughter and joy and celebration in the next. And if your mom likes otters... she's going to love Lylla.

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tarithenurse · 2 years ago

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Longing

Fandom: MCU Pairing: T’Challa &/x fem!reader Content: Lots of pining and some fluff A/N: I admit, I should have worked on other projects but I didn’t and here we go! Enjoy!

Longing

... T’Challa ...

Standing on the balcony high above Birning Zana, T’Challa was blind to the glory of his city because his inner vision was swarmed with images of you.

He had known you for years (since childhood, actually) and during that time his boyish inclination to seek you out had grown. It had transgressed what pure friendship ought to be and now he found himself unable to free his mind from you, be it awake or asleep. He didn’t want to, though. He quite liked having you there as a part of his life all the time but he feared that if he were to be honest with you – if he confessed his feelings – that he would lose you.

“My boy,” he heard his mother speak behind him, startling him with the nearness of her presence, “where is your mind at?”

“Right here, mama,” he tried to hide his fluster.

“Do not take me for a fool,” she admonished with a kind smile, “but let me ask you instead...where is your heart?” He could have answered a plethora of things but instead he found himself hesitating and that must have been enough for his mother to guess at his true feelings. “Did you know...the day your father confessed his love for me, he was shaking...trembling with fear that I might say no...that he might lose me?”

“I did not know,” T’Challa admits truthfully, silently fearing a similar possibility.

“It was his honesty that made me understand my own feelings.” For a moment they stood in silence, watching the life unfold far beneath in the streets and at the markets. “Far from me is it to tell you what to do in matters of your heart,” Ramonda smiles, “but I do hope you will invite [Y/N] along for my birthday party next week?”

T’Challa stared at his mother, dumbfounded by the forwardness and insight. It would be the perfect opportunity. “I will ask her.”

... Reader ...

Reaching out for the perfect avocado, you were peeved to see it being picked up by someone else but the disappointment only lasted a few seconds as the owner of the hand tossed it to you.

“I can’t take it when you look so sad, [Y/N],” T’Challa laughs.

“Good! Because I have plans for this one.”

You payed and then began to walk side by side with the man you’d come to adore and admire through years of knowing him. Smiling up at him, you could sense that something was on his mind but you knew better than to probe.

Only when the two of you have found a quiet park and the guards have spread out a bit did T’Challa speak to you again: “I was hoping you might be free next week? Friday, specifically?”

Butterflies began to flutter in your chest and stomach. Is he asking for a date? “I...think I am?”

“Good good...uhm...” Your king and friend was fidgeting with the ring on his thumb. “My mother would like you to attend her birthday celebrations.”

Ramonda...not him? “That is kind of her,” you answered, hoping you could hide the new disappointment in your voice.

You were not a stranger in the king’s household and considered yourself to be on amicable terms with both the queen and princess Shuri. Going to Ramonda’s celebration would not be a stretch of that relationship. No. What bothered you was that it was she that had asked for your attendance and not something T’Challa asked for his own sake and so you had half a mind to decline the invitation.

“T’Challa...” For the first time this day, your eyes met and you felt for a moment as though there was a glimmer of hope there within the ebony pools of his eyes. You sighed. “I would be honoured to come.”

Later that night as you laid in bed, you made yourself a promise to tell T’Challa the truth about what you felt for him. It might risk your friendship, but you found that the longing was starting to poison your view on every single situation with him.

... T’Challa ...

He found himself to be nervous – much more than normal at social events but perhaps that had something to do with the decision he’d made: he would use this opportunity to talk with [Y/N] and confess his feelings.

The only problem was – well that was a lie as there were several issues with the plan – one of the problems was that the object of his desire still hadn’t shown herself. Not that she was late...at least not more than fashionably so.

“Relax,” Ramonda said to her son, “I am sure she will be here soon.” And just as she said it the doors opened to let in the woman in question.

Wauw was the most coherent thought T’Challa could manage to begin with. Wearing a dress in a deep red with gold, [Y/N] looked like royalty herself.

... Reader ...

You caught Ramonda’s eyes briefly and saw her nod to T’Challa before she walked away and began talking with the leader of the River Tribe. Then all you could see was your friend as he came towards you. The man you cared about. Loved. All the words you had prepared, everything you wanted to say to him now became a mishmash in your mind, muddled by nerves that had your heart pounding hard in your chest and your stomach churning.

“[Y/N],” he smiled reassuringly, “it is good to see you again.”

It had been 10 days which might not sound like a lot but it was for the two of you. You used to be glued together by the hip but the last week both of you had been too busy to find each other...or perhaps you had been too nervous to stand face to face.

The hug was awkward for once, leaving you with even more doubt if you had made the right decision.

“Good to see you too.” You forced a smile. “Can we talk?”

Your request was echoed with T’Challa’s voice and you gaped at him before you realized that he had indeed asked the same thing. You both accepted in unison too.

Following him, he led you to a balcony overlooking the lake. Down there, the last fishing boats were on their way in to shore as the evening sneaked closer. Already, the lights were visible in several parts of the city where the adjacent forest enhanced the creeping darkness.

You heard the balcony door close behind you and you took a deep breath to steel yourself, knowing what had to be done now. I have to do this like ripping off a band aid.

... T’Challa ...

He waited for her to turn around and face him, using the moment before to gather his courage so he could say what had been on his mind for so long. There she stood: floor-length dress with a long slit, fingers toying with the single sleeve while the other arm was bare. Then she turned. I must say it now!

“I love you!”

They both frowned, puzzled by the other’s confession as if they themselves were the only person entitled to harbour such feelings.

“I’m sorry,” [Y/N] frowned, “say that again, please?”

T’Challa stepped closer, reaching for a hand but not daring to take it. “I...I love you, [Y/N],” he managed to repeat, “and I have for a long time.”

She took his hand but he hadn’t expected the laughter and didn’t quite know what to make of it until she explained: “I’ve been wrestling with these emotions for a long time too...and I’ve finally made up my mind to risk it all by telling you that...that I love you, T’Challa.”

He pulled her closer by the hand until he could embrace her properly. This time the hug felt natural. Just as it did when they looked at each other before kissing for the first time. Gently. Slightly hesitant although the stalling had nothing to do with uncertainty this time but rather a wish to savour every part of what happened.

#T'Challa #Black panther #T'Challa x reader #x fem!reader #T'Challa x you #pining #confessions #love confessions #mutual pining #writing #fanfic #fanfiction #x you #mcu #mcu fandom #Marvel Cinematic universe

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nightowlwriting · 3 years ago

Text

summary: steve is acting weird. avoiding you, being snippy and mean, leaving the room when you enter. all you want is your boyfriend back, but all he wants is to pretend you don't exist. when he's almost hurt on a mission, you do what you're made to do.

word count: 11k

reader specifics: no race/gender/sexuality/body type mentioned, no pronouns for reader used, powered!reader, insecure!reader

warnings: steve is mean to the reader in the beginning, heavy angst, hurt/comfort, canon-level violence, brief ptsd symptoms, slight description of blood, brief mention of racism in the '30s & '40s

brief mentions of: reader's parents being toxic, homelessness, past accidents, ableism in the past & present

note: this one hurt me lmfao. idk why this went the way it did but i'm not mad at it // also i am a queer, trans, disabled american. i have fundamental disagreements with things that marvel/the mcu as it stands for and some of the more nuanced things that you might not notice unless you're looking for it. this will take place in my writing because i cannot separate myself from the lens in which i consume/create content.

title credit: lil nas x

mobile masterlist - request - support my work? - ao3

Falling in love with Steve Rogers went against every instinct you had. You knew that he was going to hurt you from the first moment your lips touched his. Sure - he’s clever, righteous, courteous… You can’t forget he’s also drop-dead gorgeous because every trashy gossip magazine in a three-state radius of New York doesn’t let you forget. Neither does the sight of him waking up in your bed every morning. (Well, actually, maybe that would remind you if he was still fucking doing that.)

But lately, you’ve had to rely on the fucking tabloids to catch a glimpse of your super-hero boyfriend. The university class you had picked up on a whim at the end of the summer - Life & Times of the ‘30s and ‘40s - avoids any mention of Steve Rogers and the Howling Commandos. Not that your classmates do because, Christ on a bike, those magazines manage to catch pictures of you and Steve in moments that you don’t even remember. Plus, you’re an Avenger too. It’s bound to catch some attention when you waltz into a college classroom.

You’re sure if you were an undergrad trying to fill a gen-ed requirement and were sitting next to someone who could kill you without blinking but also dating Captain Rogers you’d be a little distracted too. You try not to blame your classmates too much, but they do make it hard to concentrate with their -really dating Captain America?- and -wonder if I could get an autograph- whispers. None of that matters because you’re learning, really studying, in between missions and missing Steve and believing that maybe the gossip reporters are right.

Maybe he’s forgotten about you.

You grit your teeth and push the thought away. It does you no good right now, while you’re training with Peter. He’s working his way up to bona fide missions and, because you’re the only one on the team who has experience with real-life teenagers outside of saving their lives, it’s up to you to get him to the level that he needs to be. Plus, the mission where he’s going to get his gills wet is just you, Tony, Steve, Nat, and Bucky. You’d much rather be the one to train him because you won’t traumatize him.

Right now, though, you’re just kicking his ass to try and get rid of some of the tension in your body. You feel a little bad about it, but when you started as his mentor you told him point-blank that you’d never go easy on him. That meant if you were having a bad day he either needed to up his game or he’d have a bad day too. It appears he’s taken that to heart as he struggles to dodge the hits you’re throwing his way. He lunges out of the way when you try to land a right hook but practically walks into the leg sweep that sends him crashing to the ground.

“Awe,” Peter groans, letting his guard down. You take the momentary lapse of focus to grab him by the collar of the hoodie he’s wearing and haul him to his feet, jerking one fist back to cold-clock him but he beats you to it. You hear the sound of your nose cracking before you feel it but then the pain rushes you all at once. You’ve had worse but coming from Peter, the move surprises you. You don’t yell out but he does when you push him away from you and call the fight off. Peter practically yelps your name, hands up by his head as he watches you bend at the waist, both hands over where your nose is absolutely gushing blood. “I am so sorry, I just reacted-!”

“It’s fine, Pete,” You shake your head and stand straight again, the blood beginning to leak through your fingers, “Just go get me a towel, okay?” Peter practically trips over his feet to get something for your nose and as you track him on his way into the locker rooms, you see Steve, Bucky, and Nat. The latter are looking your way, eyebrows raised like they’re asking you if you’re okay. Steve hasn’t even broken stride in his conversation so you wave them off with a bloody hand. Peter’s back in a flash, pressing a wet towel into your grasp and snapping you out of your self-pity party. “It was a good hit,” You compliment as you wipe your face off, “I just wasn’t expecting it. Prob’ly wouldn't have landed it if I had.”

He wrings his hands, shifting from foot to foot. “I’m sorry-”

“It’s a good thing, Peter, means you’re getting better.” You deadpan, checking to see if your nose has stopped bleeding yet, “I don’t think you actually broke it, but I’ll go down to medical to check later.” You do your best to clean up your hands with the wet towel, but it’s so soaked with your blood that it mostly just smears it around. You grimace and shake your head. “Well, I should go now before our sparring match ends up looking like I murdered you.”

“I’ll go with,” He offers, “I’m the one who broke your nose.” You let Peter walk you down to medical even though you were originally going to refuse. Perhaps petty, but it was the way that Steve didn’t even look your way as you left that made you let the teenager walk you the two floors to where you’d be able to clean yourself up. He hums in the elevator and you know that he wants to ask you something - it’s the way he holds his mouth when he’s prying for information or keeping a secret that tips you off. Finally, just before the elevator opens, you sigh and turn to him.

“What, Peter?” He grins but then it falls when he has to skitter after you down the hall. Maybe that’s why it falls - the question he asks next nearly sends you to your ass.

“Is everything okay with you and Captain Rogers?” He easily catches up to you when you stop in your tracks, ignoring that you’re still bleeding a little bit down your face and you might be dripping blood everywhere from where it’s run down your arms.

“What?” You do your best to look confused like everything is fine, but Peter is perceptive. He may fumble around and be pretty awkward, but those are really just teenager things that he’ll hopefully outgrow. You should have known that when someone caught onto how bad things are on your end, it would be Peter. (You wonder if Nat or Bucky has brought it up with Steve, considering he’s spent more time with them in the past week than he’s seen you in the past month.) “We’re fine.” Your words are stilted as you begin walking to the medical wing much faster than before.

“I just thought I’d ask, well, because I’ve sort of noticed… Something just seems off, you know? Like, you two used to spend a lot of time together, and maybe it’s the recon mission coming up, but I was just thinking that you two really barely look at each other even when you’re in the same -”

“Peter!” You say his name much louder than either of you expected and both of you jump. “Peter,” You say softer, looking at the glass door to the medical wing instead of him, “Just leave it, okay? It’s nothing you have to worry about, kid.” Peter ducks around to open the door, forcing you to look at him. “He’s just focused on his stuff and I’m focused on getting you whipped into shape for this mission. We only have two days.” Once you’re inside and surrounded by the medical crew Tony keeps on staff, he thankfully drops it. You love Peter, you do, but it’s a lot like having a little brother. You can only love them so much before you want to fucking strangle them. Eventually, as the doctor checks to make sure he hasn’t broken your nose, you have to order him away to go study or something. “I’ll join you later,” You promise him as the doctor prods at your tender flesh, “I have an essay due soon.”

That’s another thing that’s been bugging you that Peter surely picked up on. Nearly everybody knew you were taking a course at the local community college, but nobody knew what it was about. You’d wanted to keep it a secret until you told Steve, but the day you had registered he’d flown out for a two-week mission without telling you or saying goodbye. After that, you decided it didn’t really matter if anyone knew what class you were taking, and keeping it a secret sort of spiraled from there. If they wanted to know they could look it up. Maybe it was petty, but you just wanted the class to be over and done with so you could forget that you really only picked it up so you relate to your boyfriend more.

If you can even call Steve your boyfriend anymore. You’re not so sure where you stand and, honestly, you’re really close to giving up on the relationship as a whole but you can’t do that. Before you were dating, you were friends, and Steve… He never gave up on you. Not once. How could you repay him by giving up on your relationship? The one that you thought was The One? Even if it hurts, even if you’re unsure more than sure these days, how could you? Somewhere, though, you know you deserve better. You don’t deserve the sinking, dark feeling that lingers in your gut for most of your days now or the way that you second-guess every move you make - even in the field. It’s dangerous but you can’t do anything to fix it.

You’re too scared. You know that eventually, it will happen, he’ll break up with you, but you’d like to put that day off for as long as possible. To relish in the love he once had for you, how pure and powerful it was. You’re sure that you’ll never experience anything like that again.

Hell, you might never fall in love again.

Those thoughts don’t do anything to help you, though, so you try not to have them. You get clearance from the doctor and get cleaned up as much as you can without taking a full body shower. The idea to go back to your room and take one crosses your mind but you know that Steve’s probably done training, probably heading back for his own shower, and you don’t want to open that can of worms. Instead, you go to the common room and drop into the couch between Peter and Tony. They’re talking about something something science something something, but you pull your stack of books and notebooks out from the shelf underneath the coffee table and continue outlining your essay from where you left off. The assignment was focused on how the end of WW1 changed American life and then how life changed leading up to and during WW2 but that had hit a little too close to home for you, so you’re writing about the racial tension and overall racism of the times. Tony and Peter keep talking over your back and then you hear footsteps heading toward the common room.

You barely look up when they enter - Nat and Bucky - because it’s fine. It’s normal. They’re just two of Steve’s best friends, that’s all, nothing to be jumpy about. You don’t even register that emotional pain that hits when you realize that, yeah, you’re not one of his best friends anymore. You doubt you’re even considered a friend in his book.

You groan and lean back into the couch, bringing your study materials with you. Peter glances over, skimming over your page and a half of shorthand, and gags. “Jesus, can you write like a normal person?”

“Oh, sorry,” You say lazily, not looking up as you continue to scribble in your incomprehensible code, “I do forget that some of us had privacy at home.” You lift your lips just a little bit to let Peter know you’re kidding, looking up at him through your lashes as you slouch next to him. He looks red in the face. “Besides, once you have to start doing mission reports you’ll be begging me to learn my shorthand and use my stenography machine.”

“I keep telling you that I can update that ol’ thing,” Tony draws your attention. For the first time, you realize that Nat and Bucky are on the loveseat looking at you expectantly. Steve is standing in the corner over their shoulder reading a book from the bookshelf in front of him. His back is tense and he looks like he’s not reading, just listening. You force your eyes back to Tony on your right and shake your head.

“No, because then you’d know my shorthand and it makes me too happy to see you spend hours trying to decipher it.” His eyes wander to your essay again, trying to find any patterns that he can use to figure out what the hell you’re writing on anything ever. He’s opening his mouth to make a smart-ass remark that will no doubt lift some of the weight off of your shoulders when another voice speaks up.

“Wow,” Steve doesn’t even look at you even as he says your name sardonically, “Way to be a team player.” Your mind comes to a screeching halt, trying to figure out what the fuck he’s playing at. Even Bucky and Nat look surprised at the cold way he spoke to you, Tony and Peter both gasping from your side. You can’t say anything, throat tight and burning with tears as you stare at your boyfriend with raised eyebrows. What do you say to that? How do you respond? You know it wasn’t a joke because he’s not laughing, not smiling, not even looking up from that fucking book in his hands. You can’t tell if you’re more hurt or embarrassed, but either way, you don’t want to stick around for someone to get the nerve to say something.

Instead of replying, you slam your textbooks shut and bundle everything into your arms. You doubt Steve even notices that you’re making such a hasty retreat but if he does, he doesn’t say a fucking thing. You feel like you’re in high school - practically running through an empty hallway with your notebooks and textbooks pressed to your chest, trying not to cry. It’s ridiculous. You’re a trained assassin, you’re an Avenger, you are strong and powerful and yet… And yet. You’ve given so much of your heart and soul to Steve Rogers that he can knock you down eight pegs without even trying. Without even looking at you. You can’t wait to go on this fucking recon mission, where you can put all of your focus on making sure Peter is doing okay and gathering the intel. Where you can stop thinking about how easily Steve Rogers seems to be pushing you to the side.

You spend the next two days writing your essay, ignoring almost everyone, and working on your essay. On the day of the recon mission, you’re running out the door for your eight a.m lecture, printed essay in hand, and reminding Tony that he promised to pick you up on campus after class for the mission.

You’re lucky that you went, too. You hadn’t counted on the professor making everyone stand up and tell the class the subject of their essays - didn’t realize that it would be twenty-five percent of the grade on the paper. You’ll never understand college professors and the weird shit they do, but the class is informative and entertaining. He goes around the room, starting on the opposite side of you, so you’ll be last. Great.

Several students did their papers on the propaganda of the time, one student was brave and did her essay on the ethical dilemma of the super-soldier serum and eugenics, and most of the other students focused on pop culture and how it changed. When your professor looks at you it’s almost like he’s expecting you to have done nothing but fawn over Steve and Bucky, considering you know them personally. He looks surprised when you clear your throat, stand and say: “I focused on the casual and institutional racism that faced non-white Americans at the time.” You almost preen when he looks impressed and then the shame fills you. It’s just… You want Steve to be proud of you. You want him to congratulate you on going back to school, even if it’s just for one class. You want him to be happy and surprised that he was the inspiration for taking the class.

Though, lately, the class has been more for you than for him. You like learning new things, pushing the boundaries of assignments, making people uncomfortable with the truth of the times you’re studying as told to you by two people who lived it. It’s nice. Normal.

Everyone needs a little bit of normal.

But, honestly, normal is fucking boring. By the time your class is over and you’re handing in your essay it’s like ants are crawling over your skin. A combination of nerves from the upcoming mission, a head full of fog from whatever is happening with Steve, and a little bit of fear at the thought of taking Peter into the field has you bolting for the door the moment your essay is taken from you. You’d worn your tac-suit underneath a pair of baggy sweats and a loose hoodie, so you don’t even bother slowing down as you head toward the car that Tony has waiting for you. He’s in the front seat, grinning at you from underneath his aviators and Peter is driving.

You slip into the backseat without thinking or looking at who’s there, tossing your bag in the back and peeling your hoodie off. “God, Tone, we’re goin’ to die before we even get to the mission with Petey driving.” You toss your hoodie back to join your bag and finally see who’s sitting next to you.

Of course, it’s Steve. He’s looking at you - but not really. He’s looking through you, like he can’t stand that you’re both crammed in the backseat of Tony’s electric car. His gaze catches you and holds you in place. Everything around you goes cold and fuzzy, making you miss Peter’s indignant complaining that he has his license so he should be able to drive… And then Steve scoffs and looks out his window, ignoring you. It stings but you have a job to do. You make some witty retort back to Peter, but it falls flat as you struggle out of your sweats. This is what life is, you think. Relationships aren’t meant to be forever - you learned that at a young age.

Until your accident at fifteen, you had watched your parents run out of helium, their relationship expanding and cooling in arguments, in days spent not talking, in trips to your grandparents without the other, in passive-aggressive computer searches for divorce attorneys left open for anyone to see. Then, after you were trapped between those machines - after you spent hour after agonizing hour with electricity pressing between your atoms, being torn apart and rebuilt as a young god - after that day you watched them expand against each other before the neutron core of their relationship collapsed on itself and the resulting supernova sent you to the streets. But then Fury found you. Then Tony, then Nat, then Steve.

Your parents exploded out from each other and the shockwaves ruined your life. At least now, your relationship with Steve is ending silently. There’s no explosion, no collapse, no rapid expansion to take over your cosmos. Your relationship with Steve is simply approaching the event horizon, where it will hang in the air until one of you takes the final step and you both become frozen, two collapsing objects on opposite sides of the universe. Maybe that’s what you already are. You feel so far away from him in the back of Tony’s car - like he’s eons and light-years away from you - and you feel so cold. Frozen, down to the bone. It makes you stiff in your replies to Tony and Peter, slow on the uptake when the car pulls up to the quinjet, nearing stasis and unable to respond when Nat asks if you’re okay.

Finally, you turn to look at her, nodding. “Fine,” You clear your throat, “Been a rough day.” You do your best to smile at her, but your face feels heavy. Your chest feels cold and tight, making you worry about your performance on the upcoming mission. When Peter shakes his head next to you, discreetly telling Nat not to press, you’re focused on Steve and the electricity humming in the most base part of your body.

He scoffs and rolls his eyes. You turn away and force yourself to smile, throwing a weak and numb arm over Peter’s shoulders. “Are you ready for this, Pete?” You jostle him back and forth, leading him toward the sitting area behind the cockpit. “Gonna get your ass kicked?”

“Please,” He shoves you off, nervously laughing, “Not with the skills you’ve taught me.” He mimics throwing webs, making hissing noises under his breath, and you bark out a laugh, shaking your head.

“You’re payin’ my medical bills when I have to save your ass, Spidey.” You shake your head and strap in next to the wall, Peter taking the seat to your right. Tony, from the aisle across from you, points a thick finger your way.

“You don’t pay medical bills anymore,” He waggles his finger, “So you’ll just have to make him do your homework for a week.”

“Mister Stark!”

“He’ll have to earn shorthand to do your essays,” Nat chimes in from between Bucky and Steve, who are both doing their best to not look at you - or anyone really. “You willing to share that with him?”

You lean back in your seat and jab at Peter with your elbow. “Hell no, so I guess Spider-Boy better do his best.” The arachnid in question grumbles, crossing his arms and slouching in his seat.

“No pressure, right?” He complains, “Not like I’m already nervous or anything.”

“You’ll do fine, kid,” Bucky pipes up, drawing your eyes back to Steve, “It’s goin’ to be a cakewalk.”

“Don’t jinx it, Barnes,” You warn half-heartedly, tucking in on yourself, “We need this to be easy.” From the look on his face - everyone’s face, really - you know that they heard you loud and clear when you were really saying I need this to be easy.

After an uneasy laugh from Bucky, a claustrophobic silence settles over you all as the jet begins to take off. You’re in for an hour ride and plan to spend it going over battle plans with Peter when harsh whispering catches your ear. It’s Bucky and Steve nearly crushing Nat between them until she gets up and sits across from Peter, rolling her eyes. Still, you try your best to run him through the actions you both had planned - the names, the setups you needed to execute them, everything. If something happens to Peter, you’ll never forgive yourself.

And then, cutting through your soft promptings to Peter and his equally soft replies, Bucky’s voice. “Leave it, Steve. Until after this mission.” Even Tony looks up from his tablet, curiosity piqued. Their faces are both red, set hard and angry at each other and your stomach drops. What the hell is going on that Steve ‘Till The End Of The Line Rogers is fighting with Bucky You And Me, Pal Barnes? You must shift, or lean too far into Steve’s eyesight, because for the first time in what feels like years he is looking directly at you - and seeing you, too. It makes your pulse jump and, almost instinctively, you want to reach out and ground yourself on the rubber of the seat underneath you.

You don’t get the chance, though, because Steve speaks. “No, why should I? This is clearly affecting the team.” He’s still looking - glaring - at you like you’ve done something wrong. “What’s the point of waiting? I’ve been waiting to talk about this.”

“Bo, I don’t think this is the time,” Bucky looks over his shoulder at you, then, and you know what’s coming. You know that it’s time, that Steve is about to break up with you in front of your teammates. Your friends. Your family. You steel yourself for the anguish you’re about to feel and then jerk your chin out, hardening your resolve.

“Buck, it’s fine. If Steve wants to address something, he can.”

Natasha says your name, a low warning over the hum of the quinjet. “I think he should wait.”

“Well, I’m not goin’ to wait!” Steve unbuckles himself and stands, “I have tried waiting, and look at where that has gotten me.” He puts his hands on his hips and puffs out a breath. You unbuckle and stand, too, unsure of where this is going. “You need to,” He holds one hand out, pointing at you while his voice shakes. You notice his hand is shaking, too, but fractionally. If you didn’t know Steve as well as you do you may have never noticed it. “You need to get it together.”

“I need to get it together?” You question, eyebrows nearly hitting the ceiling with how fast they shoot up. You’re not totally sure you’ve heard him right because what do you have to get together? The broken shards of your relationship? The information and research for your final paper? The awful way you’ve let yourself be treated for what seems like forever?

“You heard me,” Steve says, at the same time Bucky leans his head back and groans deep in his chest. “What? Someone had to say it.”

“We should wait for this,” Nat speaks up again, but lifelessly. She knows now that you and Steve are both on the warpath, neither of you are going to stop. (That’s also why the two of you work together as a couple so well. Very rarely are you both so worked up about something that you can’t back down, so the other is always there to meet you halfway and get you back to earth.)

“No, no, no,” You say, near hysterically, “No, he wants to do this now? Before a mission? Instead of the fuckin’ weeks we had to hash whatever crawled up his ass and died out? Be my guest. He’s already dragged everyone into this by treating me like a pariah.” You’re not sneering, but your teeth are gritted so tightly together you can hear them scraping and feel a tension headache beginning to bloom in your temples. Bucky looks… Almost incredulous at your statement. Like putting the blame on Steve is a dick move or something.

“Oh, so I’m the bad guy here?” Steve is curling his lip, glaring at you. There’s something behind his eyes, but he’s buried it so deep that you can’t reach it and figure out what it is. “I’m the bad guy, right. Right, right, right.” He scoffs, shakes his head, and then he’s running his fingers through his hair like he really can’t believe what you’re saying to him.

“Well, what else am I supposed to think?” You throw your hands out to the side and let them slap back down on your thighs. “You ignore me, you make me feel like shit, you talk down to me like I’m some insignificant foot soldier. How else am I supposed to take that, Steve?”

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe ask me what’s wrong? Maybe ask me why I’m acting like this, instead of ignoring all of your problems like a child?” He mirrors your moments, but the sound his hands make when they hit the outside of his suit is more powerful than yours. Fueled by anger, you think. Anger and whatever the hell was in the serum Erskine pumped into Steve.

“Ask you?” You repeat, near-hysterical, “Ask you? Oh yeah, let me get right on that. Hey, Mister Rogers? Mister Captain America? Mister Ignores-His-Partner-For-God-Knows-Why? Hey, just why are you doin’ that?” You’re surprised that you’ve said something so snotty, but you don’t back down. (Steve looks surprised, too, and Bucky has stood up next to his friend like he’s about to start berating you as well. At least he looks more cautious about it, like he’s not totally sure that this fight should be happening.)

The more surprising part of your fight is how fast it’s shut down. Tony and Nat stand at the same time and exchange a glance like they’ve surprised each other. “That’s enough,” Tony starts.

Nat cuts him off. “I don’t care if you fight this one out instead of talking, but if you do it before this recon mission you two are going to blow it. Do you understand me?” She looks dangerous, the sharp edge of a knife spiraling through the air. You force yourself to look away from her, from Tony, from Bucky, from Steve. She’s right. You know she’s right - especially on this mission. Peter is there, going to be in real danger even though there’s not supposed to be one Hydra agent in a four-mile radius. You have to clear your mind and focus on protecting him.

Steve seems to think the same thing because he stands down. When you watch him collapse in on himself, Bucky’s arms around his shoulders, into the little quinjet seats your everything aches. Heart, lungs, eyes - everything. Even though you don’t know what’s going on, what could have possibly happened to make your relationship sink this quickly and out of the blue, you still love him. He’s still The One for you. You still want to be the one to comfort him and make him feel whole when he’s struggling.

But you can’t. You can’t and it kills you.

The heat of battle makes a lot of things fade into the background. Important things like why the fuck are there Hydra agents here? and Steve is going to break up with you when you get back on the jet and Tony swore on the fucking limited edition AC/DC vintage tour poster he has in his office that this would be an easy in/easy out information mission. None of that matters, though, because you’re in deep shit. There are seventeen of them, all primed to the teeth with weapons made to take your team down permanently.

You’re practically glued to Peter, calling out commands and plans for him to initiate. It’s when all of your plans fall through that you take a hit from a heavy fist on purpose, hitting the ground hard. “Plan F, Spidey, Plan F!” You cover the instruction with a groan and then you’re back on your feet, working your way toward him.

“Plan F?” Tony says, somewhere above you in his suit. Your comms crackle ominously as another heat-seeking grenade is launched, interfering with the radio waves your tech relies on. You don’t worry about it, because you know Tony is on it. He’s your eyes in the sky.

Peter is the one who answers his question, watching your close hand-to-hand tilt out of your favor briefly. “Plan Fuck It, Mister Stark.” He grunts as he webs up a Hydra agent, jerking him away from where he was about to slip a knife up and under Natasha’s kevlar. You finally drop the guy in front of you, ignoring Steve’s disappointed Language! and toss one of your knives toward Nat for her to use. Tony is still laughing in your ear, wheezing as he drops down and snags the rifle from one of the snipers and then takes back off.

What your little protégé failed to mention about Plan F is that it’s not just chaos, but controlled chaos. You let loose, letting a soft current cover every inch of your skin as Peter switches to his conductive webbing and takes special care to not web any of his allies. Except for you - if you’re in the way and he catches you in a web it doesn’t matter because you’re you, alive with electricity that drops the men that get caught in the web, too. You rip out of the webs and turn the current off when one of your teammates gets too close.

More Hydra agents are pouring out of the woods, topping out their numbers around twenty-five. That’s twenty-five too many in your opinion, especially when you can see Peter getting tired, his anxiety spiking, his moves having more and more hesitation behind them. You need to get this over with quickly, but you don’t have the options to do that. Steve, Bucky, and Nat are really the heavy-hitters - you, Pete, and Tony are the only ones without serums despite all of your individual abilities. Desperately you reach out for a web that’s still connected to Peter’s arms, pulling him out of the way of a baton that’s about to come down on the back of his neck.

The baton the agent is wielding glints in the coming dusk, freezing you as Peter scrambles past you with a quick apology. You’ve seen that before - seen it, felt it, know it like the back of your hand. There’s no way that you could ever forget that weapon. The man stumbles when his hit doesn’t connect but then rights himself and searches for a new target.

A long, black baton that splits into two prongs at the end is heavy in his hand. Electricity crackles between the bulbs at the end, flashing in the setting sun and your memories. The man only has one, but if it was hooked up to a machine, spinning. If there were four, five, six. If you were pinned between them, screaming in the pain as they rewrote your DNA… You’ve only felt it once, but you’ll never forget it.

And now, you’ll taste it again. On purpose this time. The man holding the stun baton is going for Steve’s back - his strong back, the one that protects people, the one that holds the weight of the world, the one that lays in your bed, the one you see whipping out of rooms as you’re entering just so that he doesn’t have to look at you - and you can’t let that happen. It only takes ten amps to kill a regular human, but you know those things are cranked up to twenty minimum. You don’t want to see how many amps of current it will take to stop Steve’s heart. You’re between the baton and Steve before you can think about what you’re doing or what comes next, the hard bulbs settling unyielding into your side and cranking out maximum power for maximum damage as soon as the current is connected and able to flow from one bulb to the other.

The pain hits you and your throat catches on it. It burns through your body, setting everything on fire - your chest hurts as your heart protests the electrons and then your powers kick in, sweeping them into your very atoms and cells. You’re a live wire now, ears humming and body thrumming with power you’ve only dreamed of. It hurts, and it burns, and you feel tears rising in your eyes because you’re back there - back begging for death or for life or for God and god at the same time - but then it’s over. The man sees that you’re not seizing up, not dropping dead in front of him, and he takes three steps back.

It’s not far enough.

You’ve only felt like this once before - right after you were unhooked from the machine that changed your life and brought you to your new family. You remember how you looked when you were put in front of a mirror with all of the pent up electricity circling your body - how your eyes were filled to the brim and dripping with bright and blue electricity, the way it was jumping across your body, how you didn’t need to breathe because your body was fully saturated with pure, unadulterated power. You wonder if you look like that now and assume you do because you can see the bright blue reflecting in the terrified eyes of the Hydra agent.

Your suit, unlike everyone else’s, is not grounded. It’s metal, metal, metal. You’re made to conduct, born for it, and the earth beneath you comes alive with bright white as you release all of the energy, the power, surges down and out. You’re practiced. You can reach out and feel the synapses and neurons of every human being in the clearing, know exactly where your teammates are standing, and know exactly how to target everything but them and the pitiful amount of electricity their brains carry. You grin, something truly feral and unhinged, and you can see the fear in the Hydra agent. Then, you let go.

You know that everyone is going to be pissed. (Maybe not everyone.) You’re not built for this, not made to take down nearly twenty fucking people at once. As you let go, you feel what they feel. The seizing muscles, the stopping of their hearts, the inside of their bodies crisping against their bones. At that moment, that delicious moment, you see the universe.

You become God. You become everything - your mother and your father and God and god and anyone else who’s watching your life from the ether. You become the judge, jury, and executioner of souls that you don’t know from Adam. You become lightning, and thunder, and exposed nerves of the cosmos at the same time. The world bends to your will and you relish in it, taking that power in your fist and wielding it to protect the man you’ll love for the rest of your life and the family that you’ve made. You will stop at nothing to end this, even if it means turning yourself inside out to do it.

You damn near do turn yourself inside out too, but that doesn’t matter, does it? The blood spilling from your ears, nose, and eyes feels like heaven. It’s hot, and thick, and it’s proof of the power that your body holds. You’re a temple and a sanctuary, a war-room and a bunker, a field of flowers and a sun-dry desert. It does not matter if Steve doesn’t love you at that moment, because you are love and hate wrapped into one package. You are everything and nothing, spread thin at the beginning and the end of time.

And then none of that is true. You are just… You. Standing in a clearing, surrounded by twenty-something dead Hydra agents and your terrified, terrified family. It hurts to breathe and you can taste blood in your mouth, but that’s an afterthought. Steve is still standing behind you, but he is alive. That is what matters.

This is what love is, you think.

Pain and pleasure.

Even if he leaves you, you will always love him.

Pain and pleasure.

You’re weak at the knees when he finally turns to see you - and you’re a sight. Struggling to stand, fingertips blackened with soot but not burnt, blood pouring from your nose, ears, eyes… You look like death, but you feel like life. Someone says something behind you - Peter, maybe? Or maybe Tony, in your comms? - but you don’t hear it. Everything tunnels out, your weak knees finally collapsing as you keel backward.

Steve bears down upon you almost immediately. You’re halfway to unconsciousness when he wraps you up in his arms, keeping you from falling in with the pile of bodies around you. He’s saying your name, harsh and soft and then in a voice like he’s ordering you to wake up. You loll about as he drops you down onto a patch of clear grass, hands searching your body for wounds. When he skims over your side, where the baton has burnt through your suit and your flesh, you surge back toward being able to have cohesive thoughts. The pain brings you back, hands wrapping around Steve’s arm and calling out his name. “Steve! Fuck, that hurts!”

“Honey,” He breathes, “Fuck, we have to get you back to the jet.” His jaw ticks, hair dirty and loose from its normal style. “Why’d you do that?” Steve doesn’t wait for an answer from you, ordering Peter to web something up to carry you over your protests.

“I’m fine,” You argue, only slurring slightly, “I feel fine.” But you’re going to let Nat and Bucky load you up on the webbed stretcher anyway because it’s the first time Steve has cared for you in a long time. You want to relish in this moment, the way that he didn't say your name but called you honey.

Well, and because Natasha slides a thumb across her neck over Steve’s shoulder in a silent threat.

You groan when Bucky accidentally grabs your calf where there is an absolutely awful stab wound, but you wave off his apology. “How could you have known?” To be honest, you hadn’t even known it was there until his Vibranium hand was slipping against it and sending shockwaves of pain through you. Peter is next to you the whole time that you’re being carried back to the jet - Tony staying back to begin scanning the bodies of the Hydra agents for the information you need and any other information they may be carrying. The poor kid is nearly at a breakdown, so you reach out to him and shake his arm when his fingers twine with yours. “Chill out, kid, I don’t know how you got it into your head that this is your fault, but it sure isn’t.” He sniffles, but hands back with Steve as Bucky and Nat get you situated in the small medical room of the jet. They transfer you and then make to leave, only Bucky hesitating near the door.

“Stevie’s goin’ to be here soon and… I don’t know what made you do what you did but you have’t explain it to him. He’s bendin’ over backwards to figure it out, and we don’t have’a clue. Came out’a nowhere.” He looks at you for another moment before shaking his head and stepping out of the room. Your head is spinning, partially from what Bucky just said and partially from the pain and stimulus of electricity. You wait there, then, because this is it. This is the event horizon. You wait there, eyes closed, until you hear footsteps approach the med room, and then the door slowly opens. Steve says your name, holding all the finality and weight of an atomic bomb. You don’t open your eyes until he swings a chair next to the stretcher and lays a hand on your calf.

“You don’t have to do this,” You finally say, pushing yourself up onto your elbows to watch him. “I know that you don’t want to.” Steve only scoffs and begins to wash the stab wound using a packet of soap and a water bottle. You say his name twice before he looks at you, something between hate and hurt curdling into a glaze over his eyes that stops you in your tracks.

“Just let me do this. It is the least that you can do.” His words are painful and stilted, like it’s taking force to push them past his teeth. You lay back down and close your eyes, content to just feel the pain of Steve beginning to stitch you up and then dress the wound before you feel the pain of Steve leaving you like you knew he always would. (Falling in love with Steve Rogers went against every instinct you had. You knew that he was going to hurt you from the first moment your lips touched his.)

When he’s done he sits back and puts his elbows on his knees, head in his hands. He heaves a heavy sigh and then shakes it off, “I’ll dress your burn, and then we’ll talk.” And normally, yes, you would agree but this is too important. You want to get it over with so you can lick your wounds metaphorically and dress them literally - and then you want to go home, you want to pack your bags, and you want to disappear and remake your life somewhere else.

Some far-off place where everyone you know won’t take one look at your face and know that you’re still painfully, deeply in love with Steve Rogers, end of your semester be damned. Family you’ve made be damned. You can’t sit around and be in love with him like a neon sign on a dark highway while it’s painfully clear that he hasn’t had a sign on his highway in a long time.

So instead of agreeing, you swing your legs over the stretcher and swallow your flinch when the burn pulls tight. Steve opens his mouth to argue but you give him a tight-lipped shake of your head and his jaw snaps shut. “No,” You say, voice not giving in to the emotion swirling in your chest. “I have let this go on long enough.”

It’s the wrong thing to say because Steve fucking scoffs again and looks away from you. “One day was long enough.” He says, cutting straight to your core. Okay, ouch. You take a deep breath and shake your head to try and bite back the tears that are inevitably rising in your eyes. If one day was long enough for him to realize he doesn’t want to be with you, why did he let it go on for nearly a full year? Why did he spend so long leading you on, pulling you by a thread before garroting your heart with it? What was the point?

“If you want to leave me, just say that,” You reply harshly, standing and wobbling away from him. He just watches you go, watches the way you struggle past the lead weights your muscles have become, the way you’re starting to feel the stab wound on your leg, the way the skin on your burn is beginning to blister and only just now losing its heat. He just watches you, where the Steve that loved you once upon a time might have helped. You turn your back on him, hands on your hips so that you can hide the way that you’re crying and your hands are shaking.

“If I want to leave you? If?” He says. You hear the scrape of his chair as he stands, “I think after what you’ve done, it’s not an if, sweetheart.” The way he says it tastes like iron. Steve never calls you sweetheart like he never calls you by your name. It’s always honey, lover, dovie. You don’t turn to face him because you’re struggling to keep yourself above water. “I spent so long thinkin’, wonderin’, askin’ myself - God damnit, will you look at me?” You turn slowly, not because you’ve never heard Steve speak like that but because his voice is desperate and raw. When you turn, you’re not sure what to expect. Maybe him, standing in front of you, broad-shouldered and disappointed like in those PSA’s he had to film once. Maybe he’d be angry, hands clenched at his sides and eyes narrowed like he gets in meetings when he doesn’t agree with something but he’s out-voted. But you never expect to see him crying, lip wobbling, folded in on himself like a young boy instead of the strong, invincible man you’ve come to love.

He looks so different.

It hits you, then, that you’re not looking at Steve Rogers. Not really. He's not Steve Rogers, not Captain America, not even Captain Rogers. You see him as he was - before America spat it’s untruths all over him and injected him with a serum that changed who he was, is, will be. He’s not the able-bodied man that you know, not strong and unreachable, not the heartthrob that overshadows the team during press events. He’s not America’s Darling, not really. Not where it counts.

You’re looking at Stevie Rogers. Stevie Rogers who, for all intents and purposes, was supposed to die before he made it out of toddlerhood or soon thereafter. Stevie Rogers who the doctors said wasn’t supposed to survive. Stevie Rogers who grew up sickly, rattling painful breaths and never playing ball with the neighborhood boys. Who couldn’t walk until middle school when he got his braces off. Who never had a partner because Bucky, strong and handsome and tall Bucky, was always deemed the better option. Who believed in his country so much that he tried to sneak into the second world war, subjected himself to a painful medical procedure so that he could change his very DNA to be what the world wanted him to be.

Captain Steve Rogers. Captain America. Strong, blond, patriotic, resilient.

You’re sure that if men don’t want to go to therapy now, in the modern age, they certainly didn’t want to go in the ‘40s. So where did that leave Steve, your Steve, standing in front of you and looking small, and broken, and sad, and alone? Did they expect him to take his new, taller, working body and run with it? Did they not think about how he would lose a part of himself in the process? How did they expect him to go from disabled to abled without some disconnect?

You think about the You That You Were Before and the You That You Are Now, and how you lost a part of yourself when the accident gave you your powers and how you’d lose yourself if someone figured out a way to take them away. You Before formed your identity around being normal - living in a shitty home with shitty parents, sure, but normal - and You Now form your identity around your powers, your team, your job, your love. If you lost those things, what did you have left? Who would you be?

When Steve lost his identity and became everything that America wanted everyone to think that America was, what did he have left? Sure, he could tell himself that he represents America - strong and patriotic and just - but it must have conflicted with everything he knew about himself before that. You know that disabled people now know that American society is unjust, unfit for them with abled people not willing to make room to allow them to thrive. You can only imagine what it was really like for Steve in the ‘20s and ‘30s and ‘40s. What he had to do just to survive. (Medical experimentation, you remind yourself. Did they know it wouldn’t kill him? Did they know his body wouldn’t rip itself apart with the new sinewy muscle they were packing on? Did they care? Or was he just a body they saw as broken? A project to fix? To turn him into something more like them and call it patriotism?)

You shake your head at him, still filled with despair, and try to figure out what he’s talking about. “Stevie,” You start, pet name easily replacing what you had been calling him because it’s not fair to shoe-horn him into a body that doesn’t feel like his own. You wonder if he still expects the bone-grinding pain that he used to tell you would happen when it rains. He raises a hand, a strong and family hand, shaking his head.

“I just need to know why I wasn’t enough for you,” Steve looks sad, slouching in on himself like he’s expecting to get his ass handed to him in another alleyway and hope Bucky is there to save him. “I need to know why you wouldn’t just break up with me if you wanted to see other people so badly.” You suck in a shocked breath because, okay, that’s not what you were expecting. Between that and the paradigm shift you’ve had on how Steve must view his identity, body, and self, you’re stunned. Steve continues like he doesn’t even register that you look shocked and pale and now you’re crying because he thinks you’re cheating on him? “And I get it. I get it. You have no idea how much I understand. If I were you, I wouldn’t want me either, okay?”

You cut him off there because what the actual God damn fuck is he talking about? “No, Stevie, I’m not cheating on you.” You shake your head again and this, your statement, lights a fire in him. He still looks like Stevie rather than Steve, but there’s anger there. You imagine that’s what it might have looked like moments before he got himself in trouble back before he was serumed. “I’m not.”

“Oh, yeah?” He challenges, jaw ticking and chin jerking up, “Oh, yeah? You can’t lie to me. I know, okay? The act is up, it’s over, I know, okay? You can stop pretending.”

“Steve, I do not fucking know what you’re talking about but I”m not cheating on you!” You raise your voice, not really angry but more out of necessity. You need to get it out of his head that he is anything less than everything you want - that you could possibly love anyone more than you love him.

“I wanted to clarify something for you,” Steve says like he’s reading an old script from when he was just a beefy, red/white/blue stage prop for the American military, “I am excited to meet with you, but there are some rules. Do not talk about Captain Steve Rogers. I don’t want to hear about him,” As he continues to recite something that has clearly hurt him, you go lax. You know exactly what’s happened - your fists unclench, your jaw drops a little bit, and it feels like someone has gutted you, “I think it is wise to keep work and pleasure separate, and it’s a rule I will enforce heavily. I look forward to seeing you again.” He’s sneering at the end, tears falling down his ruddy cheeks.

“Steve,” You try again, but he cuts you off.

“Am I just work for you?” His voice is shaking more than you thought possible, and so are his hands. You’ve never seen Steve so off-kilter, so thrown, and it breaks your heart that yes, technically, you’re the cause of this. Before this, before this horrible misunderstanding, your relationship with Steve was the paragon of trust so neither of you cared if the other read emails or texts. You remember the email - the email from your fucking college professor - because it had made you so angry that he’d referred to your relationship with Steve as something as simple and base as just pleasure - like you could even put words to the galaxy of a relationship you had with Steve - that you’d gone to the gym to work off some of that irritation. You hadn’t wanted to take it out on anyone accidentally. When you came back from the gym, Steve was gone on that two-week mission that he’d left on without saying goodbye.

Oh, God. You feel sick to your stomach as the paradigm of the way that Steve’s been treating you shifts violently to the left. You have to physically hold yourself up and try to speak past the lump in your throat. Steve looks… Brokenly smug. Like he knows he’s right, but he’d rather gnaw his own legs off than be right.

“No,” You croak, “No, Steve, you’ve got it all wrong.” You want to reach for him, but it feels like the room is closing in on you. You’re second-guessing everything now - especially what you’ve just said. How many people said the exact same thing to him pre-serum because they said something meant for Bucky to him? How many times did he hear that when he was getting a new diagnosis, hoping for the best? How many times had his own mother said it to him when he told her something someone had said, fresh-faced and not yet used to the way that abled people sometimes treated disabled people? You think you might be sick. “That email was from my professor, Steve. I’m not cheating on you, I’d never.” He laughs darkly and sits back down in his chair, head in his hands again. You try to gather the strength to move toward him when you see his shoulders shaking, a telltale sign that he’s crying.

“A professor,” He says with a watery laugh, “Right.”

Finally, you realize that he needs you, needs to know you love him, that you’d do anything for him. You can iron out the kinks later - figure out why he didn’t want to come to talk to you past the original hurt, why he treated you so coldly, why he didn’t trust that you wouldn’t do this to him - but now, you need to show him that you’re here. That you choose him. That you’ll always choose him.

You make your way to him and set a shaking hand on his shoulder. For a brief second you think he’s going to shake you off but then Steve’s hand shoots up and latches onto where your hand is resting, dipping his head to press against your arm. “Stevie, please,” You say, unsure of what you’re asking him to do, “I picked up a class, just one, and it’s… I picked it up for you, it’s about the ‘30s and ‘40s and…” He looks up at you and he looks so broken - face ruddy and wet with tears, lip wobbling, chest heaving as he tries to not sob. His brows are knit and he looks confused, “I just wanted to be able to understand you better. You had to leave so much of yourself at the door when you joined the Avengers, had to leave so much of yourself in the ice… In Erskine’s lab… Stevie, I just wanted you to be able to be you when you’re with me. I wanted to know the you that you were before you became Captain America.” Your voice is shaking, knees knocking together, and honestly? You feel like you might blackout.

“What?” He rasps, “What?”

“He sent that email because too many kids signed up for his class thinking that they’d be able to look at pictures of you and Buck for a semester. Emailed me directly because he knows we’re…” You choke on your words, shaking your head because you’re not even sure there’s a we anymore, “Because he knows I’m on the team. Didn’t want me walking in and making his class about just a few years in the ‘30s and ‘40s rather than the culture of the time.” You don’t know how else to explain it to him, but Steve isn’t saying anything - practically isn’t moving or breathing- so you continue to try and explain what’s really happening as best as you can, “And - and that email made me so angry because he singled me out, didn’t email anyone else about it, and I left to try and work some of that out; I didn’t want to take it out on you, or let it spoil - let it spoil… But when I came back from the gym, you were gone. You were gone for two weeks and I didn’t know why.” You’re crying harder now and pretty sure that within the next sixty seconds you’re going to collapse if you don’t sit down.

Steve shakes his head, still looking like he doesn’t understand. “What?” He says for a third time, “A class? A college class?”

“I just wanted to feel closer to you,” You confess, “Just wanted to understand a fraction of your life without making you do the heavy liftin’ and teachin’ me. Shouldn’t have’t do that,” You’re sobbing, barely biting out your words as you realize that something you’ve done to strengthen your relationship with Steve has destroyed it, “Shouldn’t have to explain a whole different time just to feel loved, Stevie. Should be able to be with someone who understands without you havin’ to explain.” You’re not sure you can say Peggy’s name out loud, and you hope he understands what you’re saying without making you actually say it, “Should’a been able to have love with someone who knew, and I know I’m nothin’ compared to what you should’a had, but I want to be. I want to be in the same ballpark instead’a watchin’ from the stands.” You wipe your face with your free hand and look away from Steve when he stands in front of you. You don’t want to see the look on his face - what he’s thinking about what you’ve said.

He says your name and you glance at him, but his expression stops him in your tracks. Where Steve looked broken and hurt and fuming with anger to hide the anguish, now he looks stricken. You shake your head, “No, no. I didn’t say that to make you feel guilty-”

“You think that I care about whether or not you can understand the ‘40s?” He cuts you off, hands moving to curl around your biceps, “You think that I care whether or not you can relate to a time in history when you weren’t even thought of?”

“Of course I love you. I love you more than anything in this world, but you shouldn’t have to not care, Steve,” You argue, shaking your head, “That’s what I’m trying to say. You should be with someone who understands without explanation. I just wanted to give that to you - didn’t know that this would happen.”

“I should be with someone who loves me,” He argues back, “If you love me, that’s all that matters. My past be damned.”

“But your past is you!” You try to pull away from Steve, but he anchors you there. You’re dizzy from being so close to him after this long, but also because of how many different twists this situation has taken. You can barely keep up with how bad your communication with Steve has become - barely keep up with how you need to fix it, or how to fix it. “Your past is you,” You repeat when you realize that Steve isn’t going to let you go. “And you shouldn’t have to give that up so that someone will love you.”

“But you love me,” He says desperately, ducking his head so that he’s nearly nose to nose with you, “You love me, right?”

“More than anything,” You say, closing your eyes and relishing in the feeling of being so close to Steve, “I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone. I don’t care about what anyone else thinks, or anyone else. I’ll even stop goin’ to class if you want me to - Steve, I just can’t do this anymore. Can’t do this thing where you don’t talk to me about what’s botherin’ you.” You’re choking up, barely whispering, but you know he hears you. YOu can feel his warm breath on your face, “Nearly fuckin’ killed me.”

“I thought it was goin’ to be easier,” He breathes, nose bumping yours, “When you eventually decided to leave me for him. Thought I was savin’ myself some trouble.” You can practically taste his tears as they fall again, “Buck and Nat tried to tell me that you weren’t - that you wouldn’t - but I just couldn’t believe them.”

When you open your eyes, his are closed. This close to him you can see the soft freckles that are blooming over his eyelids, his soft eyelashes kissing his cheekbones. You can feel him breathing, feel him nearly pressed against you in a way that feels hauntingly nostalgic and terrifyingly fleeting; like you’ll be able to feel his warmth for years to come, but he’s about to disappear. “That’s okay,” You finally whisper, “It’s okay that you didn’t believe them. That you thought what you thought. It’s okay.” He shakes his head against yours, opening his mouth to protest, but you refuse to let him feel guilty about feeling this way - you have plenty of time to sit him down and talk to him candidly about the way he acted because of these feelings, anyway. “If I would have been in your place I’m not sure I would have believed them.”

“I treated you so badly…” He shifts and wraps his arms around you. It’s almost immediate - you relax into his arms and wind yours around his waist, keeping him pulled against you as he presses his face into your neck and you press your cheek against his chest. “So awfully.”

“We’ll talk about that, okay? But later. Right now you just need to know that I love you, Steve. I love you more than I can tell you - more than I can express.” You want to kiss him, but you can’t. Can’t kiss him, you need to wait for him to kiss you, for him to close that gap and show you that he still loves you like you love him. “We’ll have to have a talk, a long and hard conversation about this, Stevie, but for now… For now, I’m just content to be with you, okay? MIssed you so much.”

He sighs, nose pressing against yours again. “Missed you too, dovie. Missed you more than I can even say,” His voice breaks as his lips brush yours. Your relationship is not without its flaws and problems - Steve’s actions when he thought you were cheating on him are proof of that and, well, the fact that you didn’t realize what was happening, why it was happening, or a large part of your boyfriend’s psychological makeup having an impact on your relationship while it went unknown by you… There is a lot of work for the two of you to do, a lot of work to do, a lot of communication to be done… But you’d do it all for Steve, over and over again.

When he presses forward and presses his lips gently to yours, you know that he’ll do it all for you, over and over again, too.

#steve rogers imagine #steve rogers/reader #steve rogers x reader #marvel imagine #mcu imagine

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fandomtrashhh · 3 years ago

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How Stucky was Queer Coded

A deep, detailed look at how Steve x Bucky had queer subtext and coding in the MCU movies.

Word Count: 9k+

Trigger Warning: Cussing, I mention the normal stuff that comes with action movies like mentioning torture, brainwash, mind control, violence, character deaths

I want to say that I AM NOT smart enough to come up with all of this by myself. Most of this article is based off of the Tik Toks made by "daniellesilverstone." That's where I get most of my examples and sources from. If you have Tik Tok, give them a follow! You can also follow her on Instagram with the same name and YouTube under the same name.

I used some information from the account Char on Twitter: https://twitter.com/charcubed/status/1085731788897570817

This is an article of someone explaining why Cap should have had a boyfriend:

Why Marvel Should Give Captain America a Boyfriend - HubPages

Other than that, the rest of the stuff I added was from common knowledge facts online like memes that you can find anywhere, there's no source for those.

Warning! Spoilers for Captain America: The First Avenger, Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Captain America: Civil War, Avengers: Infinity War, Avengers: Endgame, Falcon and The Winter Soldier, and What If...?. I cover a lot of content, so if you haven't seen these and plan to, read this after you've seen them.

Before I begin, let me just say that there's a difference between queer coding and queer baiting. Queer coding is when a character is coded but isn't able to be queer because of homophobia. A lot of queer coding is through villains and relationships. In a relationship sense, that's when the characters are written as romantic parallels to each other and are coded. It could be on purpose or accidental. It's not always harmful, but it can be. In the MCU, Steve and Bucky are queer coded, and so are Carol and Maria. So queer coding is subtext, but isn't allowed to be confirmed. Queer baiting is used as a marketing ploy and is on purpose. An example is when there was a scene in Falcon and The Winter Soldier when it was hinted that Bucky was queer (I'll discuss that later) and the people working on the show said "Just wait and see" and literally nothing happened. Stucky wasn't used as a way to bait people, so it's coding. Now that I got that out of the way, let's start! I hope you enjoy this 29 page essay!

Introduction

The ship "Stucky" is the romantic pairing between Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes from the Marvel Cinematic Universe. The duo are very close and share a very strong bond, and while many people believe it to be only platonic, there is strong evidence that supports it could've been way more than that.

Who the Hell is Bucky?

Did you understand that reference? Anyways, Bucky has been Steve Rogers's (aka Captain America's) best friend since childhood. He protected Steve against bullies and took care of him. In the comics, his character was actually very different. The comics takes inspiration from Bucky Barnes and a character called Arnie Roth. Bucky in the comics is Captain America's sidekick, an orphaned teenager who admires Captain America. It's a similar dynamic to Batman and Robin. While Bucky's name and storyline is the same as in the comics (as in he is presumed dead but is brainwashed by Hydra for decades and becomes the Winter Soldier) his character role and personality is mainly based off of Arnie Roth. Arnie Roth was Steve's childhood best friend who looked out for and protected Steve and fought off bullies for him. When he was a teenager, he flirted with and dated a lot of girls. All of this seems quite like Bucky in the MCU, right? So what's my point? Well, Arnie was gay (and Jewish! No Jewish erasure here). He was trying to overcompensate. If so much of Bucky's personality and role in Steve's life was based off of Arnie, is it really a stretch to say that Bucky is possibly also gay or bisexual? (Not to mention in some recent comics, both Natasha (Black Widow) and Bucky admitted to having a crush on Steve. If you don't believe me, look it up.)

There are also moments in the newer comics (where Steve and Bucky are the same age) that seem pretty gay, like in Planet Hulk, or when actual comic characters were shipping them. I don't usually take the comics into consideration though, because Bucky was a teenager in the earlier comics so I obviously don't ship them then.

Here's an article about Arnie:

Captain America May Never Have A Boyfriend, But He's Long Had A Gay Best Friend

Anyways, onto the MCU!

Their Home

It's never explicitly stated in the movies, but it's hinted that Steve and Bucky lived together during the 30's and 40's (the flashback scene in Captain America: The Winter Soldier.) I mean, to be fair, that's pretty normal, right? Friends live together all the time. It makes even more sense because Steve was an orphan by the time he was 18, and due to his health issues he was probably unable to work. It was also during the Great Depression, so things were really difficult. Just wait. There's a piece of concept art that was made for what Steve's apartment looked like, and it was made by people who worked for the MCU. In the picture, a tall dark haired man is standing at the sink, which is presumably Bucky. That's still fine, right? That is until you realize there's one bed. Yup. They lived in a very small apartment, the only room that isn't visible is the room that has a toilet in it. They had one bed in their apartment. There was no couch. Listen, I get that they were really close friends, but even really close friends, especially adult men, don't sleep in the same bed every night unless they were in a relationship.

That's not all. Steve and Bucky lived in Brooklyn, New York, which was known to be a very queer area back when Steve and Bucky lived there that can be traced back to the 1850's. It was one of two underground queer cities. And actually, Coney Island, which Steve and Bucky talked about going to, had gay bath houses. Not only did they live in a queer city, they lived in a queer neighborhood. The exact place they lived according to Marvel Studios themselves was in a neighborhood that was in the middle of bar/gay hangouts. Someone mapped out the entire area they lived in in detail and everything surrounding during the 1930's/40's, and it was very queer. (Sadly, the post was taken down, but you get the idea.)

I've only talked about Bucky's character and where they lived so far, and I already have a lot of proof. Just wait, I have a LOT more.

Punk

In the beginning of the movie, Steve and Bucky go on a date with 2 women. I'm not even going to go into detail about the fact that Bucky always insisted on going on a "double date" with Steve, or that he never understood why no one wanted to date Steve, or that Bucky spent more time focusing on Steve during the date than his actual date. Anyways, Steve sneaks off to try and enlist in the army again and Bucky finds him. They have a whole conversation where Bucky is very protective of Steve and very insistent that he doesn't join the army. Fast forward, and Steve and Bucky are saying bye to each other. Bucky says "Don't do anything stupid 'til I get back." Steve replies, "How can I? You're taking all the stupid with you." They hug each other, and Bucky calls Steve a punk.

You would think it's normal to call someone a punk, because the way we use it now is WAY different to how it was used in the 1940's.

The word "punk" can be traced back to Shakespeare, and during that time it meant a female prostitute. So it's really no surprise what the word was used for after that.

"Punk" meant "twink." Bucky called Steve a twink. I mean, Steve was the younger and smaller one of the both of them, so I guess it adds up.

The Bar Scene

This scene. This whole scene right here. This would be enough proof to prove my point. This scene in Captain America: The First Avenger that starts at 1:14:00 is the most queer coded scene in any of the MCU movies for multiple reasons. Let me dive deeper.

First, let's talk about the dialogue. Steve asks Bucky if he's "Willing to follow Captain America into the jaws of death." Bucky says, "Hell no. But that little guy from Brooklyn who was too dumb not to run away from a fight, I'm following him." I don't know about you, but that sounds romantic. If you watch the look on Bucky's face as he's saying it, I can't even describe it. Then Steve looks at him intensely.

Next gay line. They're talking about Steve's tight skinned Captain America costume. Bucky says, "But you're keeping the outfit, right?" He made the first America's ass joke. Why would Bucky say that? Gay jokes were not a thing back in the 40's. You could be killed for saying that if the wrong person overheard you. So it wasn't just a joke. In the original script for the movie, Steve replies with "Don't get your hopes up." Um??? Why would Bucky get his hopes up??? Again, gay jokes were NOT a thing then. And he wasn't drunk, because at this point Bucky had gotten the serum, and people with the super serum can't get drunk.

Just wait, this scene gets GAYER.

So, music is really important in movies. It sets the tone for certain scenes, and lyrics most times have purpose to what is going on in the story. Marvel is no exception. So, with that being said, the song playing in the background of this scene is called "Tavern in the Town." It was written in the 1880's. You want to know what it's about?

It was written about a man who was flirting with another woman. Yes, the song was originally sang by a woman who was talking about her boyfriend (as in the boyfriend was the one flirting with another woman), but in many of the versions afterwards, including the one played in the movie, it's sang by a man. The singers and the MCU writers could've changed gender pronouns, but they didn't. Making the song in this context gay.

Why would Marvel use that specific song if they weren't trying to tell us something? They could've used any song in the world for this scene, so why did they choose that one? One that describes the situation perfectly? Peggy Carter, Steve's canon love interest, is a dark haired woman. And wait. It STILL gets gayer.

The song lyrics match up with what is going on in the scene. The song starts with "There is a tavern in the town, in the town. There my true love sits him down, sits him down." The song is basically saying that the 2 lovers are sitting down in a tavern, and Bucky and Steve sit down in a bar, which is similar to a tavern. The next lyrics say "And drinks his wine 'mid laughter free. And never, never thinks of me, thinks of me." In this scene, Steve is drinking and he is thinking about his new life, which Bucky is barely a part of. The next lyrics basically talk about how even the best of friends must part but don't grieve me, which symbolizes that they'll be separated soon because Steve thinks Bucky dies. The next part goes "adieu, adieu" (I'll skip a couple lines) and then "I can no longer stay with you, stay with you," as Peggy walks in. I don't think I need to explain what that means. When Bucky and Steve stand up as Peggy approaches them, Bucky's jaw is clenched and his fists are balled. What other reason besides jealousy or hate would make someone react like that?

As Steve and Peggy are talking, the song talks about the lover actually leaving for a woman. It even says that they go out on a Friday, which is when Steve and Peggy said they would go dancing right before Steve crashed the plane into the ocean. Look at Bucky's face as they're talking. He's looking at Steve and he looks uncomfortable, unhappy when he realizes how Steve feels about Peggy.

Now, the GAYEST part of the scene. As the music gets louder for this one line and goes, "He left me for a damsel dark, damsel dark," the camera focuses on Bucky's face and he looks at Steve and then looks down. He looks upset. Then he tries to flirt with her, but if you watch his facial expressions and his body language and his voice, he isn't very convincing. It's more likely he's trying to direct the conversation towards himself so she isn't focusing on Steve, like when Peggy says she likes to dance he cuts in and says "So what are we waiting for?" But again, the way he's doesn't sound like he actually is trying to flirt with her because he wants to date her, it's because he doesn't want Peggy and Steve to date so he's desperately trying to end the conversation.

Some people might say that this scene is saying that Bucky is jealous that Steve is getting the girl for once, but that doesn't fit with his personality. It showed in the beginning that he was trying to get girls for Steve. He wanted Steve to be happy. He wouldn't be upset if Steve finally found someone. He just didn't realize it would happen so soon. So the only explanation? Now that Steve actually has a chance with someone, Bucky is jealous because he wants Steve.

After Peggy walks away, after he's frowning after her, Bucky says "I'm invisible." He's trying to play it off like he's invisible to Peggy, but by the way he's looking at Steve with a hurt expression, then looking away, it's really the opposite. He can't even look Steve in the fucking eyes. Then the lyrics repeat "Fare thee well for I must leave thee. Do not let the parting grieve thee. And remember that the best of friends must part, must part." Bucky realizes he's nothing compared to Peggy. Then the song ends. Interesting that they decided to end the song there. The rest of the song basically just talks about being in love with someone who is in love with someone else.

I want to point out real quick that the way he addresses Peggy in this scene is very different to how he addresses other women in the MCU, especially in this movie. Yes he's a flirt (like I said, a cover) but he's also polite and kind towards women. That's not the case with Peggy. It doesn't seem like he likes her, and there is no other reason why he wouldn't like someone as amazing as Peggy unless it was because he was jealous.

So. That's what I call The Bar Scene. This scene is clearly angst. This movie came out in 2011, over 10 years ago now, and there STILL isn't a heterosexual explanation for it. I sometimes have to remind myself that this scene is actually real.

Link to The Bar Scene, watch the words closely and watch Bucky's expressions and the way they look at each other! Captain America: The First Avenger Bar Scene Stucky Easter Egg -- There is a Tavern in the Town

Here's some more detail about that scene if you want it:

Homoerotic Subtext from the Bar Scene in CATFA - vulcansmirk - Captain America (Movies) [Archive of Our Own]

Facial Expressions

Before I get onto the next specific piece of evidence, let me point out the way they look at each other. ESPECIALLY the way Bucky looks at Steve. He looks at him like Steve is his whole world. I'm sorry, I don't look at my friends like that. If you look at the way Sebastian Stan (the actor for Bucky) and Chris Evans (the actor for Steve) look at their love interests in both the MCU and other things they have acted in, it's practically the same look.

Look at the way Bucky looks at Steve when they are sitting at the bar. Or when Steve and Peggy are talking right after Steve gets back from saving all those people from Hydra. In that scene specifically, when Steve is looking at Bucky, Bucky smiles. As soon as Steve looks away, his face falls as he's looking at Steve and Peggy talking. That's TWO scenes where Bucky looks jealous that Steve is talking to Peggy.

Almost every time, if not every time that Bucky smiles in any of the movies (not including the show) he smiles for and at Steve.

There are many more examples of the way they look at each other, and I could go on about it all day. Instead, let me get to my next topic.

The Apartment Scene

In Captain America: The Winter Soldier, we have another scene that is queer coded through the music. The scene where Steve is in his apartment and Nick Fury gets shot by the Winter Soldier (aka mind controlled Bucky.) The song playing in the background as Steve walks into the apartment is "It's Been a Long, Long Time." Yes, I know we all have feelings about this song. This was the song used for Steve and Peggy (Steggy) at the end of Avengers: Endgame. But it was used for Stucky first, way before it was used for Steggy.

The song "It's Been a Long, Long Time," is a woman singing about seeing her husband after he comes back from war. In the movie, this is the scene where Bucky and Steve interact for the first time since 1945, when they were in the war together, so it really matches up. They could've used any reunion-like song, why did it have to be such an overly romantic one, which literally says "kiss me once then kiss me twice then kiss me once again?" If you continue the song past the point where it cuts off, it goes really well with the scene, and at the end Steve is looking out over the city while he stands on the roof as the music rises. Yeah, that's romantic. So when they made that song a Steggy song, they were telling us that song was always supposed to be used romantically. That's now 2 romantic songs that are used for Steve and Bucky.

'Til the End of the Line

Any MCU fan knows this famous line. In Captain America: The Winter Soldier, there's a flashback to the year 1936, right after Steve and Bucky went to Steve's mom's funeral. Bucky was telling Steve that he could live with him, but Steve was saying he could get by on his own. Then Bucky says, "The thing is, you don't have to. I'm with you to the end of the line, pal."

I don't know about you, but to me that sounds like "til death do us part." Aka, a wedding vow.

In Spanish, if you translate it, it says, "Because I'm with you until the end." That's even gayer!

Later in the movie, Steve says it as a mind controlled Bucky is beating him up, almost killing him, and it was enough to break through Bucky's brainwashing. That's how important that phrase meant to each other.

Which brings me to my next piece of evidence.

Bucky's Brainwash

Bucky constantly got his memory wiped and was mind controlled and conditioned during his 70 years of being used as a weapon for Hydra. No semblance of his past life ever broke through that. His orders to kill people went smoothly and he was a very deadly weapon. That is, until he was ordered to kill Steve. All Bucky had to do was see Steve's face and hear Steve say his name for the brainwash and mind control to start to break.

Even when he was sent to kill Howard and Maria Stark, he didn't show any sign of recognition. Bucky and Howard were friends, and Howard said "Sergeant Barnes?" right before Bucky killed him. There was just nothing there. Bucky just didn't recognize him.

So when Bucky lifted up his gun to fire at Steve after he started to recognize him, there was a look of fear and confusion on his face and in his eyes. Already all of that mind control is breaking.

When Bucky gets back to the Hydra base, he's very upset and he asks who the man on the bridge was. His captors try to lie to him about it, but Bucky just keeps saying "I knew him." So they wiped his memory again and tortured him. It was a heartbreaking scene that always makes me cry.

Not long later, Hydra sent Bucky to go kill Steve again. Steve was trying to convince Bucky that he knew him, and that his name was James Buchanan Barnes and that Steve knew him his whole life. Bucky tried denying it and punched him and shouted "You're my mission!"

That's when Steve said, "Then finish it. 'Cause I'm with you to the end of the line." After that, Bucky's brainwash breaks AGAIN, and that's when Steve falls off the Helicarrier that they're on in the air, and Steve falls into the water. Bucky didn't even have his memories at this point, he just felt that he needed to save Steve, so that's what he did. Bucky pulled Steve out of the water and made sure he was breathing before he left. Honestly, that whole scene felt romantic for me, with the dramatic music and the slow motion and the trust that Steve had for Bucky. It was very beautifully written and every time I watch it I always feel blown away.

Character Roles & Movie Details

All three Captain America movies were about Steve and Bucky's devotion to each other. The movies constantly showed us that Steve would do anything for Bucky and Bucky would do anything for Steve. All 3 of Steve's movies were about him trying to save Bucky.

It feels like fate that these two ended up in the 21st century. Like they got a second chance.

Let me start with Captain America: The First Avenger. In this movie, Steve starts out in the "damsel in distress" role, because Bucky is always protecting and saving him. After Steve gets the serum, the roles switch, and Bucky becomes Steve's damsel in distress.

The first thing that Steve did as Captain America was to save Bucky from Hydra (the FIRST time Bucky was captured by Hydra.) He literally picked up the shield to save Bucky. As soon as he found out where Bucky was, he stormed the base all by himself just because there was a chance that Bucky MIGHT be alive. He had no idea if he was. That reminds me of in movies when the main character saves the love interest, even if it gets them killed, they still do it.

Not just that, but earlier in the movie, before Bucky was captured, Steve said, "I don't want to kill anyone." After Bucky was captured, he said, "I'm not gonna stop until all of Hydra are dead or captured." This is when he talks about saving Bucky. That's called character inconsistency. That usually only happens in a story when a love interest is in danger.

Later, Bucky and Steve refused to leave a burning building without each other. When Steve told Bucky to leave without him, to save himself, Bucky yelled, "No, not without you!" That was hands down the most passionate and crazed Bucky had ever been about something. He had never been more serious about something in his over 10 year span of him being in the MCU. He would rather die than leave without Steve. Every time I watch that scene I can feel how frantic, how sure he is about that statement. It's one of my favorite Bucky lines. Damn, Sebastian Stan is an amazing actor.

Later in the movie, when Bucky seemingly died, that was Steve's motivator to stop Hydra once and for all. Bucky's "death" was what led Steve to being able to take down Hydra.

Let's not forget that Steve could've probably jumped off the plane. In a deleted scene for Avengers: Endgame, Rhodey asked why Steve had to crash the plane. Steve tells him there were bombs on board. Rhodey then asked him why he didn't jump off, and Steve didn't reply. Steve could have jumped off, but Bucky had "died" 3 days before, and Steve didn't want to live a life without him.

So basically, in The First Avenger, Steve "became" Captain America and picked up the shield for Bucky, and Bucky's death was what motivated him to take down Hydra. That usually is the role of the love interest.

Now, Captain America: The Winter Soldier. That one was basically an act of true love's kiss.

First off, foreshadowing is added a lot in stories. Marvel is no exception, there's many instances of foreshadowing in the MCU. Including a scene between Natasha and Steve not long before Steve meets up with Bucky. The two of them are talking about dating and the like, and Natasha says, "Nobody special then?" And Steve responds with "Believe it or not, it's kind of hard to find someone with shared life experience." Umm? I wonder? It's not like there's anybody who was born in the early 20th century who fought in World War II and who didn't age for decades only to wake up in the 21st century. Besides James Buchanan Barnes, of course. The fact that they used the foreshadowing in a romantic context was so unnecessary, they could have foreshadowed Bucky's appearance in so many other ways. There's no other explanation for this line besides it foreshadowing Bucky.

When Steve realized that The Winter Soldier was Bucky, he dropped his shield and refused to fight him. A well trained assassin who could kill him in a heartbeat. Then there was the whole Bucky remembering him, but I already discussed it.

Steve was in so much shock that he let himself get arrested. He then blamed himself for what happened to Bucky even though there was nothing he could've done. He said, "Even when I had nothing, I had Bucky."

Then back to the fight on the helicarrier. Steve risks his life for Bucky just like he did in The First Avenger. Steve drops his shield in this scene because he doesn't want to hurt him, which contrasts picking up the shield for Bucky in The First Avenger. He tells Bucky TO KILL HIM. Then Bucky says "You're my mission." Then Steve says "Then finish it. Cause I'm with you to the end of the line." He gave Bucky permission to kill him, he knew there was a chance that he couldn't break through Bucky's brainwashing, but he still took that chance. He loved him so much that he gave him permission to kill him. He'd rather die by his hand than live without him.

Then Steve breaks Bucky's brainwashing, which is like the act of true love. It's actually been confirmed that the only reason the brainwashing broke was because of his memories of Steve.

The closing scene of the movie is Steve looking at Bucky's file, which mirrors Peggy looking at Steve's file at the end of The First Avenger. Which, again. Peggy is Steve's canon love interest. They parallel a canon love interest with a "friendship."

Then, there's 2 years between Winter Soldier and Civil War. In those 2 years, Steve had been actively trying to find Bucky. 2 YEARS. During that time, Bucky was trying to lay low in places like Romania (which is a nod to Sebastian Stan who lived in Romania until he was 8) and trying to remember things.

Next, I'll talk about Captain America: Civil War. Oh, boy. That whole movie was incredibly gay. Even Sebastian Stan, who plays Bucky, admits as much. He said, "Look, maybe it was a little bit Brokeback Mountain at times, I mean I'll admit, it was a little I won't quit you."

Like. You know something is gay if one of the main cast members even admits as much.

There's quite a bit to this movie, but I'm only going to talk about the things pertaining to Steve and Bucky.

In the movie, Bucky is accused of bombing a building that was resposnible for killing and injuring many people. The whole world is looking for Bucky and trying to kill him. The only person that believes he didn't do it and tries to help him is Steve, and Steve gets some of his friends to help.

At one point, a character who previously appeared in Captain America: The Winter Soldier showed up in Civil War. His name was Rumlow. When he went up against Steve, he started talking about Bucky. (Rumlow was a part of Hydra therefore he worked with The Winter Soldier.) He said "You know, he knew you. Your pal, your buddy, your Bucky." He says "your Bucky" which is used possessively, like Bucky is Steve's. Yeah, that sounds romantic. You don't use that for platonic relationships. The mention of Bucky distracted Steve from his mission so much that it allowed Rumlow to detonate a bomb which killed people. Later, Steve was talking to Wanda and said, "Rumlow said 'Bucky,' and all of a sudden I was a 16 year old kid again in Brooklyn."

The "your pal, your buddy" was probably added in there so it wouldn't just be "your Bucky" which sounds ever gayer.

One of Bucky's trigger words to become the Winter Soldier is seventeen, and all the words are strongly theorized to have meaning in Bucky's life. Bucky is a year older than Steve, so what the hell happened when they were 16 and 17? (This one is mostly a joke and probably just a coincidence, though.)

Another thing. When Steve goes to Bucky's apartment in Romania to rescue him from people who are trying to kill him, we see that he has a notebook. In that notebook there's a big picture of Steve. Bucky had been using that journal to remember Steve again. He's relying on his memory and trying to get his memories back by focusing on Steve. And like....c'mon. You have a huge picture (that's not just a picture but a drawing) of "your best friend" on the first page of your journal? That's kinda gay, my dude.

Steve goes against 117 countries for Bucky. He fought the entire government for Bucky. He becomes an international fugitive for him. He gets arrested for him. He risks his life for Bucky AGAIN in this movie and some of his friends' lives. His friends actually end up in a high security prison because of it. He risks a friend's career for him. When Bucky gets mind controlled again, Steve risks his life AGAIN. He stops a helicopter for him. In this movie, Steve literally gives up absolutely everything for Bucky. He gives up the shield AGAIN for him, proving that Bucky is worth more than being Captain America. This whole movie was about Steve trying to protect Bucky and showing the lengths that he would go for him.

So yeah. The lesson is everything goes to shit when Bucky is taken from Steve in any of the movies.

Not to mention the scene where Bucky loses his metal arm and is bleeding and broken on the ground and can't do anything but still tries the best he can to get Tony away from hurting Steve, anything to help Steve even though Bucky can barely move.

In the scenes they fight together, they're immediately in sync, even though they hadn't fought side by side since 1945, that's how comfortable they are with each other. Like the scene where Steve instantly covers Bucky with his shield, no hesitation. Only Steve's head is covered, and Bucky has his arm on Steve's back. That's just one example!

Let's talk Sharon Carter: she was Steve's love interest in Civil War. I use the term love interest loosely. They got less than 10 minutes of screen time together in this movie and less than 10 minutes of screen time in Captain America: The Winter Soldier. They kissed once. Their "relationship" was very underdeveloped, and was probably just thrown in there so that it wouldn't seem like Bucky was the love interest. Steve x Sharon is probably one of the worst romantic relationships in the entire MCU, whether you ship Stucky or not. Both scenes they are in together gets interrupted by Bucky. (There are even scenes where he interrupts Steve and Peggy moments, and even scenes where Peggy interrupts Steve and Bucky moments! That all seems romantic to me.) Also, the less Peggy that's in each Captain America movie the more Bucky there is. Just something worth pointing out.

Another thing is that there is a scene with Sharon and Steve talking in front of an elevator (one of the ones that was interrupted by Bucky) and it was honestly kind of weird and there was no passion. This contrasts a scene later in the film where Steve and Bucky are actually in an elevator, and they're looking at each other and that scene seems pretty passionate. No words and no interruptions. Not really that groundbreaking of a piece of evidence, but I thought it was interesting.

So yeah, she exists to throw off everything that's going on with Steve and Bucky. Just by the scenes she and Steve share, things feel awkward and whatever was going on between them wasn't written to be a long term relationship for him, not like with Peggy. And simply, their little fling doesn't work because of Bucky.

Another little music fact: one of the songs they credited in Civil War was a song called "Bonnie & Clyde." Bonnie and Clyde were 2 lovers who were on the run from the law...hmmm....what were Steve and Bucky doing that whole movie? I mean, there were no other 2 characters who were romantically involved that were on the run together.

Here's the scene I mentioned above where Steve and Bucky are in an elevator together and they're facing each other and staring at each other. I could really feel the tension between them in that scene. If they were "like brothers" wouldn't they stand more like how Loki and Thor stand next to each other in an elevator? I don't know, I just wanted to add that.

If you think about Peggy's character and the role she has in Steve's life, it's way less than Bucky. When Bucky "died," Steve tried to get drunk and he was crying for hours and he was ready to kill anyone, then he went into the ice 3 days later so he didn't even have a proper amount of time to accept he was gone and start the mourning process, so who knows how it would've been. When Peggy died, he went to her funeral and cried a little and stuff and was sad, but he kissed her niece less than a week later. If she was his true love then she would be more important to his story. I'm sorry, did Steve infiltrate a Hydra base with nothing but props for Peggy? Did Steve give Peggy permission to kill him? No, he did not. That was Bucky.

Bucky truly is Steve's only weakness. Not even Peggy is his weakness, it's always been Bucky. He would go to the ends of the Earth to save him from harm. Bucky was the most important person in Steve's life. His priorities always changed to him, even giving up his new family with the Avengers to keep him safe. He put Bucky ahead of everything else even when it wasn't the right thing to do. He was always blindsighted by Bucky. This is another character inconsistency because Captain America always stood for what is right, except when it came to Bucky. Being Captain America was really important to Steve, but he went against everything Captain America stood for - multiple times - for Bucky.

Bucky always insisted on being called "Bucky" because Steve called him Bucky. I thought that was cute.

If you try to argue that "they were like brothers," I'm sorry, you're wrong. Loki and Thor are brothers. Peter and Ned are like brothers. Even Sam and Bucky are like brothers. I don't know any brothers or best friends with such a deep emotional bond that one sentence would be able to break through 70 years of torture and brainwash and mind control.

All in all, they were written as romantic parallels to each other. All 3 movies were about their devotion to each other. Their stories can't even exist without each other. Their motivations depend on each other and they are each other's purposes.

Behind the Scenes

A lot of people who worked on these movies literally called Steve and Bucky a love story.

Joe Russo, one of the directors, called it a love story. Then he later clarified that it was between brothers, but why would you call a story about brothers a love story? You would call that a family story. Joe also said that "Steve and Bucky's arc follows the same arc that a love story would follow."

Markus and McFeely said they were soulmates. Christopher Markus and Stephen McFeely wrote all 3 Captain America scripts.

Chris Evans said, "It's a love story. You can take it however you wanna take it, but the fact is, it's a love story." This was after he walked himself in circles trying to tell people it wasn't romantic.

Samuel L. Jackson, who plays Nick Fury, said, "He's the first LBGT Captain America," after an interviewer asked Chris Evans, "Why do you feel like Captain America is the perfect hero for our times?"

Kevin Feige, who is in charge of the MCU, wore an ACTUAL Stucky sweatshirt.

Then we have Mark Millar. He's an important person. He wrote the Civil War comics that Civil War the movie was based on. He's literally a Stucky shipper. A Stucky shipper who wrote comics that the MCU used in their movies.

One thing he tweeted was "In a movie with Spider-Man & Ant-Man, Cap's few seconds kissing a girl was STILL the least-convincing moment in Civil War :) #TeamStucky."

In another tweet, he said, "#NationalBoyfriendDay" with a picture of Steve and Bucky.

A fan got to meet Sebastian Stan a few years ago and she had him sign a picture with Cap and Bucky on it. He signed "#PowerCouple" and he told her, "At least I'm on top." (In the picture Bucky is above Steve.) Even Bucky's actor supports the ship! (Plus there's the whole BrokeBack Mountain thing he said.)

In an interview a few years ago, the interviewer asked "Do you think Falcon is a contender as Cap's greatest love?"

Anthony Mackie, who plays Sam Wilson aka The Falcon who is one of Steve's good friends, said, "No, I'll be a contender for getting rid of Bucky."

A different interviewer said, "But you already have a romantic B story with Cap and Bucky, right?" (Cue in the screams and cheers.)

"We sure do." Said one of the Russo brothers. And the other said "We still do, we still do."

The interviewer went on to ask, "Did you ever have to dial down the sexual tension on set?"

One Russo said "Why should we?"

LIKE WHAT THE FUCK, MAN.

Chris Evans said at a Comic Con one year that Bucky is Steve's home, then realized what he said and backtracked.

A whole crowd chanted "Bucky" when Chris Evans was talking about his love interest Peggy, including 3 other MCU actors. (Chris Hemsworth who plays Thor, Jeremy Renner who plays Hawkeye, and Paul Rudd who plays Ant-Man.) Are Thor, Clint, and Scott Stucky shippers confirmed? 🤨

If you go online, TONS of articles talk about the relationship between Steve and Bucky. There are articles talking about why Bucky would've been better as Steve's love interest, articles about how close they are. Then there's stuff like this. "While Peggy was his actual love interest, Steve's love for Bucky was such that they can be considered each other's true loves." Famous sites like "TIME" and "BBC Three" even talked about Stucky!

In 2016, Marvel UK & Ireland said "The Winter Soldier....#baein3words" with a picture of Steve and Bucky.

In 2016, the hashtag "givecaptainamericaaboyfriend" was trending WORLDWIDE. The most popular choice for Steve was Bucky. Stucky is the most popular MCU ship in the fandom. They were in the top 5 ao3 ships for multiple years with over 50,000 fanfictions and are on the top 5 popular ao3 fanfictions of all time starting in 2017 and still holding in 2021! That's a lot of shippers!

Even though some of these interviews were jokes, they were jokes made from realizing that there is a deep bond between Steve and Bucky. Even if they are joking about romance it's still showing that they might see a little bit of what I see, or else they wouldn't be joking about it. And if there are actual articles by popular sites like ScreenRant about them, that means there's definitely something going on there.

The other ones who were serious, why did they keep backtracking? They were basically the people who were like "Oh yeah, they're soulmates, but no homo lmao." Or like historians who found out that they lived together in a one bedroom house and said they were "the best of friends."

I think the reason they had to be careful when they were talking about Steve and Bucky is because they didn't want to get in trouble with the higher ups.

What If....?

In the Marvel show "What If....?" Episode 1, "Agent Carter," there is surprisingly a lot of Stucky content. But not in the way that you think. It actually has to do with the parallels between Steve and Peggy moments in the show and Steve and Bucky moments in the MCU. Let me break it down.

So if you haven't watched What If, it's basically what the title says, what if something different happened in the MCU. Episode 1 is if Peggy got the super serum instead of Steve.

First parallel, Steve says "Let's hear it for Captain Carter!" When he's cheering on Peggy for saving a whole bunch of people. Just like when Bucky says "Let's hear it for Captain America!" In The First Avenger when he was cheering on Steve when HE saved a bunch of people.

Or when Steve literally fell off a train, JUST like Bucky did. The same train.

Then, Peggy's motivation to end Hydra was because she thought Steve was dead, just like when Steve thought Bucky died, he was motivated to stop Hydra. It was in the same room and everything.

And the fact that there was even a bar scene for Steve and Peggy in What If.

Let's not forget the fact that there was a scene when Peggy and Steve were talking, and Steve said to Peggy "In a way, the outside finally matches the inside." That's literally a direct quote from a popular Stucky fanfiction.

Basically, what these scenes were telling us was that they were romantic, because Steve and Peggy were romantically involved in the movies and in the show. So by telling us the scenes were romantic in the show, they were telling us they were always supposed to be romantic.

Like, why would you parallel 2 characters who were actually romantically involved with 2 people who are "just friends?" It doesn't make sense.

Miscellaneous

Before I go, let me point out a couple things that couldn't quite fit in any of the other categories. For one, in Avengers: Infinity War, the first scene we see with Bucky, his hair is all greasy and he looks dirty from being out on the farm. Shuri tells him that Steve will be coming soon, and the next time we see Bucky, he's all clean and his hair is very clean and fluffy and pretty and he looks so happy to see Steve even though it was confirmed that Steve visited him multiple times when Bucky was in Wakanda.

In Avengers: Endgame, Steve has to fight a past version of himself. They're having a pretty intense fight and matching each other in strength (which makes sense, they're the same person) and at one point 2012 Steve had current Steve (2023) in a chokehold. Do you know how he gets away? Current Steve says "Bucky is alive." And 2012 Steve loosened his grip on 2023 Steve long enough for him to get away. Out of everything he could have told him, he said that, because he thought that would be the most likely way to get him to stop. Again, Bucky is his main weakness, if not his only weakness.

When Bucky turned to dust, his last words were "Steve...?" Even when he was dying, his first instinct was to address him, in his final moments, Bucky looked at Steve for comfort and because he was all that mattered. I imagine his final thoughts were confusion about what was happening and to show Steve, but ultimately, as he was fading away, he probably thought "It's okay. Steve is okay and that's all that matters." Jeez, that's making me emotional just writing that! Then Steve goes over and touches his ashes as he looks at what Bucky had been reduced to in shock and horror, defeat and confusion.

So this one doesn't have anything to do with Stucky, but this is some proof that Bucky is queer. In the show he recently was in, "The Falcon and The Winter Soldier," there was a scene where Bucky went on an unsuccessful date with a woman who worked at the place he went to eat sometimes. When they're on the date, they're talking about online dating. Before I tell you what Bucky said, let me explain something. On dating apps, it's quite popular to have a man pose with a tiger for his profile picture. It's a guy thing specifically, though. Bucky says he's seen some weird pictures on dating apps, saying, "I mean, tiger photos? Half the time, I don't even know what I'm looking at. It's a lot." This is weird because dating apps show gender preferences.

The director of the show tried to give some half- assed excuse for it by saying that Bucky just thought it was weird and reminding us that he's 106 and finds modern technology confusing. But that still doesn't explain why he was seeing tiger photos in the first place? It just doesn't add up. There's no explanation.

Just like how Wanda was the only one able to destroy the mind stone out of Vision's head (she had to kill the love of her life for the good of the universe, it was sad), Steve and Bucky are equals and only Steve can get through to Bucky.

I'm just going to put this one out there. If one of them was a girl (especially Bucky) it would've been canon by now. Quick tip: if you ever need to figure out whether something is queer coded or queer baited, just imagine it as a straight relationship. Now think of Bucky and Steve being in a straight relationship. It would probably be considered the greatest love story of the MCU. Even if it wasn't made canon, there would be so many more people shipping it. They would take one look at the way they look at each other and say "Omgs they're so cute together!" I'm just giving you the facts here. So here's all the evidence laid out for everyone to see. We're not making this up.

If you're thinking "Steve loved Peggy, he went to the past and had a happy ending with her!" then let me just tell you that Steve's ending in Endgame was wrong and extremely out of character, it doesn't matter if you're a Stucky shipper or not. Steve's entire arc in the MCU was saving Bucky no matter the cost, he showed time and time again that Bucky was the most important person in his life, and he just recently got Bucky back for good, he would never leave him. At that point, Bucky was very broken and he needed help healing. Steve was the only person in Bucky's life, he wouldn't just abandon him for a woman he kissed once. It doesn't make sense for his character. Steve would do anything for Bucky, he never abandoned him throughout everything that happened, he never left Bucky's side.

A constant theme throughout the MCU movies for Steve was moving on. His character development was to move on from the past. In Avengers: Age of Ultron, Steve said that he was home. (This was after he found out Bucky was alive, by the way. Just pointing that out.) In Captain America: The Winter Soldier, old Peggy told him that "The world has changed and none of us can go back. All we can do is our best and sometimes the best we can do is to start over." That was the main point his movies were making after he woke up from the ice. That was his development. Endgame ruined that.

Not only did it affect poor Bucky's life, but Peggy's, too. She got married. She had children and grandchildren and she said that she had a happy full life. She moved on from Steve. By going to the past, he erased all of that for her. Erased how her life was supposed to be. He also made Peggy's entire show "Agent Carter" not on the official timeline anymore.

I understand that they needed an ending for Steve because Chris Evans' contract was up, but they could've done that in a way where it wasn't completely out of character and ruined people's character arcs. They could have killed him off in battle (that would've made me very upset, but it still makes more sense.) He could have retired from fighting so he could help Bucky heal (they could regularly mention Steve but not show him while having Bucky still be in the MCU.) So if you use that as an argument against Stucky, I find it irrelevant because it was extremely out of character and was a lazy way to take a character out. They also severely changed his character in Infinity War and Endgame, he was totally out of character in certain parts and they completely sidelined Steve and Bucky's relationship because at that point Marvel knew about Stucky.

And before you go and say Steve and Peggy were soulmates, remember that they were only crushing on each other for two years and kissed one time before Steve went into the ice. They never got to date. I've had a crush on the same person for 3 years without dating them and no one would say I'm in love with them. I love Peggy's character a lot, I think she was really badass and amazing, but she wasn't Steve's soulmate. For all we knew, Steve could have gone to the past to be with her and it could've not worked out between them. I do believe that they could've been in love with each other, and I think they're really cute together, but they needed more time to fall in love.

In a universe where magic and superpowers exist, why is Captain America having a boyfriend the least believable? Why can Wanda be in love with a robot yet Steve can't be in love with someone who he has built up a relationship of many movies with?

So do you want to know what I think is the most plausible explanation for why they have all of this chemistry and coding? I think someone who worked on Cap's movies was a Stucky shipper but had to be subtle about it. It could've been one person, it could've been multiple. But I know for sure some of those things were NOT accidents. You don't accidentally create the greatest superhero love story of all time.

Why Avengers: Endgame's Sidelining of the Steve & Bucky Relationship Matters | Den of Geek

Afterword

Well, that's all I have for you! I got the inspiration to write this after reading "The Case for R/S" which was explaining how Wolfstar was queer coded. I thought to myself "I don't think anyone has made one for Stucky!" So I wrote this! I've been shipping Stucky since I was 11 when I first joined the MCU fandom. Back then I thought it was cute. When I was 13 I saved some pieces of fanart of them and still thought "they're pretty cute!" Now, at 15, after I found legitimate proof that they were coded, I went from thinking they were cute to obsessing over it!

Wolfstar Article: https://www.theparisreview.org/blog/2018/12/10/harry-potter-and-the-secret-gay-love-story/

The Case for R/S: https://web.archive.org/web/20050305162545/http:/www.livejournal.com/users/elwing_alcyone/11152.html

Also, if you ship another ship, I'm not trying to put down your ship. I respect all ships as long as they are legal and appropriate. It's okay if you ship something else. This was made to give more proof to my fellow queers that the iconic Captain America is probably queer like us, and for the people who hate on this ship and try to say it wasn't real and that we're reading too much into it. I'm someone who doesn't read too much into things, and I don't headcanon many fictional characters queer if they aren't confirmed queer. (If you want to know my queer character headcanons, just ask me!) Anyways, like I said, this is made for proof and validation.

If, after reading all of this, you still don't think they were coded, that's okay! While the purpose for this was to convince and inform, it's totally fine if you don't agree with me. Steve is dead now, so we'll never truly know for sure. This is probably all we're going to get. (Unless Bucky admits to being in love with Steve or something, but I doubt that will happen. We can only hope.) I hope you enjoyed the read, anyway!

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reitziluz · 2 years ago

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Back at'cha!! 9 and 14 for the artist ask meme <3

thanks!! a simple one and a complex one.

9. What are your file name conventions

oh damn. there's the thematic or outright titles of the works, like splitattheroot or howskeletonsareborn. more often, especially for one off things, it's more along the lines of sexywizardbullshit or hungery. for challenges or series, i tend to do pretty utilitarian file names, like witchfashion_pencilskirt.

when i start to really get into an idea, the amount of files for it tend to explode. when that happens, the "core" name tends to get more matter of fact. the current file for shit-all is dsdsa_canoncompliancecut, but there's also dsdsa_oldarchived and dsdsa_rewrit_note (which is the spreadsheet file for the rewrite).

14. Any favorite motifs

ahhh this is hard! i mean, skeletons, flowers and food feel like obvious things to mention? but hmm...

there's of course monstrous hunger. especially when it's made mundane. like in the venom movie with the tater tots and trash can chicken, or when i used to read mcu fics just for the "everyone lives in the avengers tower and boy do supersoldiers eat a lot" type of content. i have one oc, whose one iteration in a superhero setting had the power to literally become what he ate, but the drawback was a ridiculous metabolism that also meant he had to eat constantly. something about bodily needs that are not respected because they're seen as funny or frivolous or something inconvenient and unsightly that's ought to be controlled and surely the person is exaggerating and should just act normal because why would anyone normal experience a basic thing like that that strongly or in such a weird way?

monsters, specifically skeletons, and even more specifically gashadokuro, are also a big fave. the process of becoming a monster, or being made into one. but i don't find the "pure evil" kind of monsters compelling at all*. like, sure, gashadokuro bite off the heads of lone travelers and drink their blood, and that's a p straighforward evil thing to do. but if you reduce them to that, it's like, you might as well be writing about lightning strikes or earth quakes? the compelling thing about monsters to me is how complex they are. not in a shallow sympathetic portrayal of "oh there's a tragic backstory so all the wrongs are excused", but in the inherent horror and tragedy of "oh, i see how i could have become that" and "i see how that could have been prevented but wasn't." gashadokuro are formed from the spirits of those who fell in battle, who were disrespected in death, or who died of starvation, and they crumble to nothing when their rage is spent. that's devastating on multiple levels, and i think the tragedy adds to the horror as much as the horror adds to the tragedy.

(there's also something to be said about how people who see monsters as inhuman pure evil might also fail to recognize or outright reject the possibility that they could be acting monstrously against others, and also how extending no sympathy to any monsters can also turn into hatred for the parts in you (unfairly) deemed monstrous, but i've already gotten off topic and rambled enough.)

*to be fair, this is mostly just when the monster is more of a character of its own. like if the monster is way in the symbolic end of the spectrum, or like, more of just a scenario like zombies most of the time are, that's alright. but i don't get people who, for example, say that sephiroth is absolute pure evil and to argue anything else diminishes him as a villain, when i think knowing that he was 14 at the oldest when he was first thrown into an all out war and that without the evils of shinra the evils he committed would also not have come to pass just... like fuck man, how is that not more terrifying to you than a flavorless construct of "pure evil" that you can compartmentalize and distance from yourself and your reality as a whole?

#igotasked #this got away from me

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in-tua-deep · 3 years ago

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Are you into my hero academia? What about an AU or crossover with tua?

UHHHH I am technically, like, peripherally? I watched some seasons of the show like two or three years ago and since then have simply absorbed all content through osmosis, reading fanfiction that has canon events, and my sister telling me about the arcs of her fav characters lmao

so a crossover hmmm

First of all you'd have to like, establish whether bnha is an alternate universe or just The Future If No Apocalypse with quirks being traced back to the descendants of the kids born without mothers

So let's say it's that - the glowing baby was the "first quirk" but the truth is people had powers before that. But - well, the Umbrella Academy was obviously a marketing gimmick to those in the future! There were even comics based on them

In the future, you might find some of those comics in museum exhibits dedicated to depictions of powers in the pre-quirk era, but they're just fun depictions and much less popular than, oh, DC or MCU comics which are also in the exhibits!

End of s2 doesn't happen I guess in this au?? No sparrow academy at least lmao. So, the Umbrella Academy stop the apocalypse (again) and the Commission threat is? Neutralized? Whatever. They decide to jump back to the future

Five warns them that time travel is a crapshoot, that he has no fucking idea when they'll land beyond some nebulous "future" because Five can at least control the direction if not exactly how long

Also, Five is like. Super tired. Incredibly tired. Homeboy still has a healing gut wound, time traveled twice, has been jumping all over the place, gotten even more injured, experienced paradox psychosis, and managed to undo time all in the space of like, two weeks. There actually more than that but we don't have time to get into how fucking tired Five is from his ~Month of Hell

Like genuinely this is like putting someone almost delirious from lack of sleep in the driver's seat of a car and expecting to get to your destination in one piece

But hey, the siblings are like "do it uwu" and Five has sacrificed everything for them already so why not get behind the wheel again

So Five jumps them, and of course something goes wrong because Five has pushed his powers like a great big rubber band and honestly it was only a matter of time before he lost his grip and it snapped back to hit him

So here be the umbrella academy: spilled out into the future like a cup of bad coffee.

Five probably isn't in too good of shape tbh, like they're hundreds of years in the future (but hey at least confirmation of no apocalypse am I right) in a world full of superpowers and Five is like. bleeding from his ears and nose probably idk

Let's handwave a little bit - Reginald made them all polyglots so the squad all speak varying levels of Japanese. Allison is the best at it, Five is second best but tends to use more archaic words bc he had missions in Japan back when he was with the commission, and Klaus is third best.

(Ben is the worst bc he decided when he was 16-and-dead that he didn't have to do anything regarding lessons and maintenance and hasn't given a shit since - but also he's dead so)

So you have a bunch of weird adults with a bleeding child in like, an alley who have appeared from nowhere

so of course heroes get involved

Anyway, the squad get taken in and Five is conscious but like, barely? And he's not going to let himself get separated from his siblings again fuck-you-officer and there is a lot of confusion

anyway detective tsukauchi ends up getting involved and ends up having to hear this batshit story and be like "...truth." which sends all kinds of people scrambling because fucking time travel? Like yeah, it's been theorized to be a possible quirk but there's no recorded cases of any sort of time travel that is for more than 24 hours let alone hundreds of years

"I'm an adult." Five says sourly, "I just happened to be returned to my 13 year old body when I time traveled one time."

"True." Tsukauchi says, feeling his soul leave his body, but like. absently. the way he does when he's called in at 2am after getting off of work at midnight.

"I'm 58." Five says.

"Lie." Tsukauchi says, because this is a headcanon hill I will die on.

"I'm probably 58, but it was hard to keep track. I'm at least 50." Five corrects.

"True." Tsukauchi sighs like these six (seven? they keep referring to another sibling and Klaus said 'ghost' like that was fine and it registered as true and Tsukauchi is not nearly paid enough for this) are not giving him a migraine by just existing

on the bright side there's like, probably protocols in place for individuals who are Legally Chronologically Adults but thanks to quirks are Not Physically Or Not Mentally Adults with tests to determine if the individual needs a guardian or not

though i'm gonna be honest idk if Five would pass the test bc he literally cannot take care of himself at all, has never paid taxes or understands how to exist legally, and also his emotional maturity is stunted as all hell. also like. we don't actually know how much being in his thirteen-year-old body affects his mental state but yeAH Five is vibing

anyway Tsukauchi probably phones a friend on this bullshit because Time Travel Child alone is probably enough for the Hero Commission to be like "find a way to control and use it or nuke it from orbit" and that's not even touching whatever the fuck Klaus is doing (shit gets real once 'dead men tell no tales' stops being true) let ALONE Allison's whole deal

on the bright side like, at least Vanya isn't getting side-eyed that much bc Big Destructive Quirks aren't exactly unknown? if vanya wanted to i guess quirk suppressors exist for that until extensive training on how to control a super powerful quirk happens

Tsukauchi in the group chat: Aizawa please I am literally begging you to take this bullshit on

Aizawa: in this economy? with my class?

RatGod: lol we'll take them ;3c

Aizawa: no

Anyway they probably end up having to live at UA while Five insists on trying to get them home still and everyone else is like "oh hey we used to be child soldiers as well! (:" and Aizawa is like "i hate everything about this and everything about all of you but also like nedzu is making me interact with you so :/"

nedzu is out here vibing like "lol i just don't want the hero commission to get their little paws on these time traveling fuckers, i think you should make then teaching assistants or something"

honestly the siblings are probably like. figuring out how to function in the bnha universe and getting like, legally registered and stuff while Five ferally refuses bc that's like saying he's giving up on getting them home and he can do this

Recovery girl tries to heal him a little when he arrives and he passes out for two weeks like, immediately bc homeboy is running on fumes and spite at this point

also i think on principle it would be REALLY FUNNY if the squad got to tag along with the class bc like. Five is thirteen and the class are all 15. this does not sound like a large age gap. anyone who has interacted with teenagers know that the class would squint at Five and be like "who is this sassy lost middle schooler."

I feel like when I was a sophomore we were still like "freshman... babie" even though we were literally only one year older.

i think the difference between the umbrella academy and school kids would be pretty funny like. objectively the bnha kids are lowkey child soldiers?? like they're 15 and fighting villains but like, there's all this red tape and laws and stuff but,,, deku still be breaking his limbs in a child fighting ring against equally superpowered children for like. entertainment and sponsorships sooo

but also like Five would be like "oh cool when is the experimentation class"

"the what"

"you know, when your powers are pushed real hard by putting you in different terrible situations while your dad and sibling stand by with clipboards writing down the exact voltage it takes before you can't use your powers anymore when being electrocuted"

"hound dog's office is right there. therapy is available to you at any time. i need you to know this."

all might calls Luther "my boy" like one (1) time and Luther just breaks down crying probably because he is starved for positive attention

klaus and midnight get along like a literal house on fire, aizawa tried his best to keep them apart for as long as possible but god damn

(klaus: your name is shimura nana??

all might: immediately dies choking on blood)

i feel it absolutely necessary to point out that aizawa, present mic, and midnight are all like, 30? and the umbrella academy are all between 29-early 30s? they are PEERS but like. the umbrella academy are more chaotic due to childhood trauma

the umbrella academy probably get offered to like. also train to be heroes. i mean,, there HAS to be some sort of track for people who change careers right?? you don't have to cement your future as a hero when you're 15 i'm sure there must be something and the squad already have experience if they want to go be legal heroes

diego probably does at least?? diego just vibes honestly. diego gets momo to make knives during a team exercise and they just go feral on everyone else and it ends with diego highfiving momo and someone getting way to close to being stabbed for comfort

Five might just be. legally enrolled as an Actual Student? But also i think it's funny to picture the entire squad just. all in the back of the classroom with luther trying to fit into a high school desk as they take notes on the laws of The Future surrounding heroics

every word out of the umbrella academy's mouths just make everyone more concerned on principal but like, five and klaus are probably the worst offenders. Klaus just says whatever comes to mind with no filter and Five doesn't get what people would consider to be abnormal anymore like

Five: yeah our dad bought us when we were babies and experimented on us throughout our childhood in order to make an elite team of child soldiers superheroes, it happens

Todoroki: ...have you heard of quirk marriages?

izuku probably has an aneurism bc he's is the only person who might recognize them from the comics because you know ya boy extensively researched the idea of heroics in pre-quirk eras (batman was an inspiration alright???) and might dredge up a memory of a less popular comic series

Five: I can time travel but it is very hard, which is why we are hundreds of years in the future. And why I look like a child.

Kaminari: so are you a kid or not?

Five, serenely: whatever is most convenient for me at any given moment

Mina: hell yeah game the system

they have a brief lesson on astronomy and Luther raises his hand like "ooh! i was isolated on the moon for four years and did SO MUCH research" and then just gets up and starts infodumping like way too much information on the moon

Izuku sitting there like "damn if quirks hadn't popped up we could have achieved so much in terms of space travel. please tell me more giant man who lived in pre-quirk era."

Vanya finds out about the quirkless and is like "oh mood that genuinely sounds like my childhood, being ordinary in a house full of extraordinary people, and then i found out that i did have powers but only much later in life after i had already been emotionally scarred by the experience"

deku: vanya we have so much in common

iida and uraraka: concerned noises

aizawa: hound dog. therapy with hound dog for all of you.

there's probably some conflict with like, the hero commission wanting to get their hands on the time travelers?? but probably especially five and klaus as a) time travel and b) ghosts (the hc def has bodies they would like to stay buried)

five has a pavlovian reaction to anything with 'commission' in the name and hates them on site, probably plays into his age in order to become a ward of UA or something to protect him from the commission a little bit.

(this makes nedzu Five's legal guardian. aizawa has his resignation papers all prepped in a drawer marked 'in case of emergency' but let's be real, if nedzu wants to take over the world aizawa should probably be on the rat-bear's side of things :/)

five: ah, i do recall the inhumane experimentation that we were subjected to

nedzu, who was experimented on: haha same hat! want me to dig up the location of reginald hargreeves's remains so you can spit on them?

klaus: nah no worries we dumped them out in the courtyard unceremoniously like, a while back. how long ago varies for each of us because of time travel!

luther: you said hound dog's office was down the hall and to the right?

on the bright side, Luther probably feels like. way less self conscious about his body, partially bc of his fighting and all that in the 60s but also bc !! now he genuinely doesn't feel like a freak. no one even gives him a second glance. one of the teachers looks like a slab of cement with a face. gang orca looks Like That. there is literally a student with an entire bird head and goth aesthetic. Luther does not stick out at all

allison and shinso bond over having "villainous" voice-based quirks

allison and shinso having worn muzzles at some point in their youth as punishment 🤝

aizawa probably helps train vanya as well with the whole, being able to erase a world ending quirk safely thing he's got going on which makes for a very nice safety net

i don't think vanya would want to be a hero at the end of things though. maybe the assistant teacher in the music class or something?? all vanya wants is to be able to not end the world

i feel like as time goes by, five brings up trying to get home less and less. part of that is because like,,, genuinely what do they have to go back to?? Allison has Claire, but like. I'm 100% sure the first thing she did in the future was try track down Claire's records and found out Claire was like. fine. became an adult, had a family, probably became the ancestor of the first "quirked" kids who officially popped up after light baby. had a good life, died at an old age etc. etc.

they start settling into the bnha world with like, "we can always hop aboard the five express into where the fuck ever" as a plan Z if things go completely pear shaped (again)

i'mma be real, five himself doesn't give a fuck as long as there is a) no apocalypse and b) his family is alive. Like that's it. His bar is so incredibly low and yet his life keeps fucking trying to limbo under it

i just think it would be funny to have like, Five trying to get along with his "peers" and make friends while the siblings do the same but like, in the staff room

also think it would be funny for five to just walk into the staff room and get coffee occasionally.

a teacher: why is a student in here -

Five, sipping coffee: i'm an adult

nedzu like "what kind of guardian would i be if i didn't teach my new son all the tunnels around ua so he can pop out wherever"

five like "hey new dad can i put stashes of supplies all around ua of weapons, money, food, and other assorted things that might be useful if one needed to fight or make a run for it" and nedzu is like "haha just put your list of what supplies you want in your go bags on my desk and i'll critique it later!"

anyway a bnha/tua crossover would be incredibly chaotic but probably very funny

#long post #far tua long #tua bnha crossover #what kind of disaster is this #there are so many characters in bnha to even consider #there is no more apocalypse so five either chills the fuck out or his paranoia ramps up to an eleven #or both!#five teleporting into nedzu's office like: hey i wrote a 52 page potential contingency plan for if x happens #and nedzu is like 'wonderful!' and gives it back to five the next day with corrections and critiques in red ink #klaus ben and ghost!nana get along like a house on fire even if she keeps telling klaus that he's too skinny #ben: klaus is an absolute fucking idiot with zero braincells #nana nodding sagely while looking at all might: ah yes i know the exact type #diego and snipe become absolute bros like ride or die because why not #luther gets positive reinforcement and goes to therapy #also thirteen listens patiently to luther infodumping about space because i think that would be nice #five is either like 'i'm only thirteen uwu' or 'i'm fifty eight' and there is nothing in between - only what is most convenient #i feel like kaminari and mina vibe with five's brand of chaos #iida doesn't know whether to murder five for being a gremlin and disobeying so many rules or to be respectful bc five is technically old #aizawa is SO TIRED y'all #aizawa thinks vanya is going to be the good hargreeves but PSYCHE all the hargreeves are equally chaotic in different ways #five calls nedzu 'dad' for the sole reason that it makes every teacher and/or hero in earshot cringe in automatic fear #klaus also calls nedzu dad because he just thinks it's funny #five and nedzu have similar coping mechanisms so they vibe but nedzu also vibes with klaus's sense of chaotic humor #five gets talked into healthier coping mechanisms by way of 'keeping his cover' or 'preventing the hc from getting their hands on you'#aka five is not allowed to drink alcohol #five HAS gone to midnight and been like 'hey teach knock me the fuck out my brain is working overdrive and i need to not be awake anymore'

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