#this is to say i want someone to be besties with oscar wilde

[rana-sentimental]

I always think about that moment in the bar when they casually drop Jean Paul Sartre and how armand talked to him like they were some long time chit chat acquaintances, It makes me wonder how many historical figures do they have beef/ friendships with. [Istg I need more fics with these dynamics]

[theyluvkarolina]

౨ৎ AS IT WAS ౨ৎ

masterlist / rules / requests & talks with me!

SUMMARY౨ৎ Being in Formula One has never been easy for Logan since he joined. At first, it was a childhood dream but now, his childhood dream is slipping away into a nightmare. The constant criticism, mistreatment by his team, being ignored by others, is especially getting into his head. But you are here to help him through these tough times…by less acceptable ways than others. Safe to say to not mess with his very overprotective girlfriend because something you say against him, might be the last..

PAIRING ౨ৎ Logan Sargeant x Fem!Reader

WARNINGS ౨ৎ reader is very overprotective of logan (and by that, i mean she goes after anyone that doesn’t give constructive criticism),

A/N ౨ৎ ugh i love logan sm and i hate what’s happening to him :( i really hope that if kimi antonelli ever joins now that the age has been lowered again, that they don’t rush him like what they did to logan. There wasn’t any specific way to do this fic so i did my personal spin on it.

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y/n_l/n

y/n_l/n posted a story 10 minutes ago!

[story 1: aussie aussie aussie!! oi oi oi!!] [story 2: finally landed 😵‍💫]

100 others have replied!

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username22 mom is on her way to support dad 😋 !

y/n_l/n yes i am!!

username23 MELBOURNE!! CAN’T WAIT TO SEE YOU IN THE PADDOCK 🥹🥹

y/n_l/n AHHHH ME TOO LOVELY!!

username24 say hello to logan for us, let him know that people definitely care about him and how amazing he is ❤️

y/n_l/n omg 🥹🥹 i’ll spread the word! he’ll be so happy 🩷

username25 logan sucks ass as a driver

y/n_l/n y’know what else sucked? your mom on my dick last night

TWITTER [Click on the photos!! they are cut weirdly to fit :(]

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y/n_l/n

liked by logansargeant, olliebearman, lilymunihe and others

y/n_l/n Look at my Logie Bear and think about what you did @ williamsracing & @ alexalbon .

tagged ; logansargeant

2,491 comments

williamsracing ✔︎ don’t blame admin for this… 😓😓

→ username1 FREE WILLIAMS ADMIN!!

username2 HELP THE FISH PHOTO 😭😭

→ username3 bro is too american → username4 @ username he is THE florida man → y/n_l/n listen, he was very proud of his fish that he caught.

logansargeant ✔︎ did you really have to choose those photos of me 😞

→ y/n_l/n i did you look like a cutie :( → logansargeant ✔︎ 🥲

alexalbon ✔︎ WHAT DID I DO??

→ y/n_l/n steal his car. → alexalbon ✔︎ I DIDN’T HAVE A CHOICE IT WAS A TEAM DECISION 😭 → alexalbon ✔︎ I SAID I SORRY MULTIPLE TIMES TOO → y/n_l/n ✔︎ WELL BE MORE SORRY. I EXPECT A PARAGRAPH APOLOGY TO HIM → username5 i seriously need someone that loves me as much as y/n loves and defends logan. → alexalbon ✔︎dear y/n and logan, I want to offer my sincerest apology for stealing logan’s car. It was a team decision I was forced into without my consent. it was never my intention to take your car. I hope we can still be besties. - Alexander Albon → username6 ALEXANDER IS WILD 😭

username7 photos 4-6 just being of him and y/n 🥹

username8 they are so in love 🤭

→ y/n_l/n you bet your ass in in love with this american boy.

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liked by lilyzneimer, oscarpiastri, logansargeant

y/n_l/n rest and relaxation after the race where logan gets all the love he deserves :) (thanks for the photos lily and oscar 🫶)

p.s good job alex… ig 😒

tagged ; logansargeant, oscarpiastri, lilyzneimer

2,109 comments

username9 TANGLED IS SUCH A PERFECT FILM TO WATCH WHAT

→ oscarpiastri ✔︎ don’t let the photos fool you, tied us down and made us watch it → lilyzneimer no we didn’t stop spreading lies :( → y/n_l/n stop making accusations.

username10 THANKS FOR THE LOGAN PHOTOS Y/N 🤭

→ y/n_l/n always ready to feed my children logan photos 🥴 → username11 oh, we ARE getting fed

oscrapiastri thanks for giving credit where credit is due 👍

username12 her caring for him after what williams did to him and logan not racing is what i needed.

username26 imagine supporting a driver that can’t even finish above 10th in racing

→ y/n_l/n blud just found about about logan and doesn’t know about his f2 an f3 wins

username27 this is why logan hasn’t won anything 😂 his gf constantly babies him

→ y/n_l/n babies? I just show more love than your gf would show your pathetic ass?

username28 i’m sorry that logan has to deal with this woman

→ y/n_l/n i’m sorry your mom doesn’t love you

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liked by logansargeant, alexalbon, arthurleclerc and others

logansargeant I love my girlfriend :)

tagged ; y/n_l/n

3,210 comments

y/n_l/n AWE LOGAN :(

y/n_l/n i love you so so so much sweet boy ❤️

→ username12 the complete 180 she does when talking to others compared to logan 😭 → y/n_l/n @ username12 is there a problem with that?? 🤨 → username13 @ y/n_l/n no ma’am.

alexalbon ✔︎ your gf is scary as shit

→ logansargeant ✔︎ what do you mean → alexalbon ✔︎ @ logansargeant mate, when i took your car she texted me a 54 sentence paragraph on how she will cut my dick off and HOW. → georgerussell63 ✔︎ … @ alexalbon remind me to never talk to her when i see her. → username ✔︎ GEORGE 😭😭 → landonorris ✔︎ @ y/n_l/n don't cut off the weenies :( → username14 ✔︎ @ landonorris WEENIES 💀 → y/n_l/n @ landonorris can’t make any promises 😆 → alexalbon ✔︎ @ logansargeant SEE SHE’S MENTAL → y/n_l/n @ alexalbon mentally fantasizing about my amazingly cute boyfriend? yes!! → y/n_l/n i still don’t forgive you alexander. → alexalbon ✔︎ @ y/n_l/n the full name too?? → lilymunihe ✔︎ you heard the lady alexander albon → alexalbon ✔︎ @ lilymunihe WHAT DID I DO TO GET TAG TEAMED?? BY MY OWN GIRLFRIEND TOO?? → y/n_l/n @ alexalbon i can list a lot of things!! → alexalbon ✔︎ @ y/n_l/n oh god.

y/n_l/n has posted a story with logansargeant 5 minutes ago!

[story 1: omw to jpn!!] [story2: logan snoozing 💤 ] [story3: 🩷 🇯🇵 ]

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liked by logansargeant, carmenmundt, georgerussell63 and others

y/n_l/n MY FAVORTIE AMERICNA SID IT OML IM SO HPAPY IM CYRING TAKE THIS ALEXANDER HAMILTON

tagged ; logansargeant

3,645 comments

username15 ALEXANDER HAMILTON 😭

username16 the fact logan only got 17th and she’s celebrating like he got P1 is so cute

→ y/n_l/n he’s always p1 in my heart no matter what ❤️ → logansargeant @ y/n_l/n babe 🥹 → landonorris @ logansargeant enough flirting i might hurl → y/n_l/n @ landonorris bro’s upset that he’s single → landonorris @ y/n_l/n WHAT NO IM NOT → y/n_l/n @ landonorris starge 1: denial

username17 USA USA USA 🇺🇸 🗣️ 🔥

username18 WTF IS A KILOMETER !?!?!?

→ logansargeant 1,000 meters or 0.62 miles :) → alexalbon @ logansargeant that’s my american. → y/n_l/n @ alexalbon get in line alexander, that’s my boyfriend. → alexalbon @ y/n_l/n STOP CALLING ME ALEXANDER I DON’T LIKE IT. → y/n_l/n @ alexalbon WOMP WOMP LOGAN'S BETTER 😒 → lilymunihe @ alexalbon okay alexander hamilton → alexalbon @ lilymunihe oh god not you too…

username19 the misspellings 😭 😭

username20 she’s happy that logan is happy… and that’s all that matters.

username21 i love it when people are in love

*♥︎ by Author!*

[moon0fairy]

Ted Lasso 3x08 commentary aka me suffering:

Jamie as Richmonds talisman aww and him and Rojas making a goal hehe

Yes Rupert suffer

Ted :(

Wait is his full name Jake Jacob ??

Akwaard~

Uhh Jacks tattoos

Girlfriends

Preparing myself for the bad news

Not a Nate scene I expected, he‘s so awkward hdgsjs

Look not to judge anyone by their looks but Jade gives of queer vibes

Oh no Keeley :(

Loved the whole locker room scene. Trent + his rainbow cup, Beard and Roy just watching behind the window, Beard agreeing with what Trent said

Roy asking if he wanna talk about it, look at the growth !! And immediately regretting it haha

Omg Trent is about to experience the diamond dogs for the first time he ain‘t ready

Trent experiencing a cultural shook hdjsks he looks so confused

Trent: 🤨

„You can‘t worry about something that hasn‘t happened yet“ (good advice bestie, still won‘t take it)

the amount of time I need to recover from Trent‘s „woof“ is embarrassingly long

AND WE DIDN’T EVEN SEE TED’S REACTION

Not Nate thinking Rupert would come over 🫡

Trying to recreate his own Diamond Dogs oh boi, bro really needs someone to talk

Those are terrible tricks and I hope this one guy burns this book and never speaks of it again

Noo not Ted learning Oscar Wilde is dead 😭😭😭

Knock on wood

Keeley don‘t read the comments :(

That‘s a terrible statement oh wow

Damn Jamie thats an impressive collection

Oh no Colin bestie what are you saying, that‘s too much and completely inappropriate

Thank you Isaac!! Thank you Jamie!!!

Bumberbatch, I wanna know your secrets

You would think Colin would be extra careful

Pain suffering… are Roy and Jamie gonna try to comfort Keeley ????

What did Jamie see…

The look Isaac gave Colin, fearing for my life right now

Isaac you just gave a whole speech about not looking at photos without permission😭😭 the pure panic and fear in Colins face

Suffering, only suffering (predicting a Colin and Trent talking about it scene)

Not even a word, this hurts so bad

I hope that teacher rots in jail wtf

Now I‘m scared that Jack will release the statement against her will (People are making me doubt her and I hate it)

Roy… why would you ask that …

Yeah Jack you should have asked :(

Look if I didn‘t know better and you just gave me that scene, I would 100% believe that Ted and Beard are a gay couple with their son

Not the west ham match🤡 Beard you‘re iconic for that

Damn Henry really loves Nate huh

„Friend“.. didn‘t you say in the beginning you wanted to show everyone your „girlfriend“ ?? (Not that she has to be out to everyone but this felt different)

Mae being petty love that for her

„Cause my dad does.“🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹

Rebecca asking the real questions, chapter Michelle is over!!

„You need to stop letting yesterday get in the way of today“

Jack…..

Jamie apologizing 🥹 being accountable matters !! Whoo

The whole scene about his password was hilarious jsksks

Henry ignoring Jake, that‘s right

[sad-chaos-goblin]

@ineffabildaddy and @celestialcrowley both tagged me in this long bio thingy (thank u!!! 💚), it's taken me a while to get round to it but here's some stuff about me:

Real name: Elyan

Nickname & nickname origins: Some people call me Ely but mostly everyone uses my full name.

Ao3: sad_chaos_goblin Haven't actually published anything (yet) but I might start soon ^^

Social media: i mostly use ig but it's a personal private acc

state country: Spain. I'm half English on my mum's side but I've never actually lived in the UK. I was born in Málaga, lived in Dublin for a bit and now I live in Barcelona.

pets: none right now, although I call my work bestie my Tamagotchi and she says she's my pet human, I keep snacks in my drawer cos she gets hungry often <3 Back when I was a kid we had a belgian shepherd and later on a samoyed, both the sweetest things ever. I miss them, dogs should live as long as humans :(

hobbies: reading (mostly I'm into fantasy and good omens fanfics right now but it changes every now and then), lyrical dance, aerial silks, pole dance and recently I'm getting into writing (inspired by GO)

Personality: I'm an extroverted introvert, I love spending time with people I like and I love getting to know new people I vibe with, but I need a lot of alone time, my social battery is limited and social interaction can feel very draining if I don't get alone time to recharge. I can be quite socially awkward and shy if I don't know people too well but once I'm comfortable around someone I get very giggly and silly. I'm an INFJ according to a test thingy someone sent me to fill in.

Favourite holiday: Hallowe'en. Big spooky fan, me. Mostly because it means autumn has arrived, it's my favourite season. Also love costume parties and roasted chestnuts (in the Catalunya region of Spain, where I live, it's tradition to have roasted chestnuts on the 31st).

Favourite food: hmm hard to choose. (Vegan) lasagna, mushroom risotto, curries, avocado toast, regular toast with margarine or olive oil, bread in general, i love bread!

Favourite dessert: lotus cheesecake or fudgy chocolate cake (vegan versions).

Favourite colour: I'm not really sure I have a specific favourite colour but I generally prefer cool colours over warm ones.

Favourite quote/s: "To live is the rarest thing in the world; most people exist, that is all" - Oscar Wilde, "Time is the school in which we learn, time is the fire in which we burn" - Delmore Schwartz, "To the world" - Good Omens

Favourite book/s: too hard to pick all-time faves so here are a few favourite recent reads - Six of Crows/Crooken Kingdom, 1Q84, Babel, Good Omens (currently reading)

Favourite tv shows: Good Omens (obvi), Brooklyn99, The Office, the Haunting of Bly Manor, From

Favourite films: Jurassic Park (the original one), Black Swan, Little Women, I'm kind of blanking here can't think of any others

Favourite characters: Crowley & Aziraphale, Inej Ghafa, Kaz Brekker, Jesper Fahey, Nina Zenik, Wylan VanEck, Matthias Helvar, Jo March, Tori from Heartstopper & Solitaire, Jake Peralta, Holden Caulfield

Favourite actors: currently quite obsessed with Michael Sheen and David Tennant, I wonder why

Favourite song/s: ooh this is a hard one. Off the top of my head right now:

-My immortal - Evanescence

-Under Pressure - Queen

-Who wants to live forever - Queen

-Lovely - Billie Eilish

-Smoke Signals - Phoebe Bridgers

-Famous Blue Raincoat - Leonard Cohen

-Take me somewhere nice - Mogwai

-Massa Tard - Blaumut

-With me - Sum41

-Perra - Rigoberta Bandini

-Run - Snow Patrol

-Cardigan - Taylor Swift

I'm gonna stop myself here cos I could just keep adding songs and this would get wayyy too long

Favourite music genre/s: Whatever vibes with my state of mind in the moment.

Favourite podcast/s: Don't really listen to podcasts cos I have rubbish attention span and if I play one while I'm out walking around I am practically guaranteed to get distracted by my own thoughts and stop paying attention and suddenly realise I haven't processed a single word in the last half hour

Have you ever met a celebrity: I've decided locally famous drag queens count as celebrities so yes, i have met a few and they were all super friendly! ^^

Do you collect anything: I've moved a lot since I left home so I've tended to be quite practical about not accumulating things. Books would be the exception I guess, I love buying physical copies.

Do you have any idols: in Neil Gaiman we trust

Is there a real life friend you can be completely yourself with: I am terrible at being vulnerable and expressing my feelings face to face but i do have a couple of people very willing to be a safe space whenever i do manage to share

Where would you live to travel to: New Zealand, Tromsø (Norway), West Coast Canada

Random fact about yourself: I get carsick very easily.

If you made it all the way down here, thanks for reading all my gibberish!! <3

I think many people i would tag have already been tagged elsewhere so I'll leave it at that but everybody feel free to join in!

[f1-birb]

I love people drawing conclusions from a TIRE TEST. (Like, one of the first things the commentators told you guys during the televised FP2 tire test sessions was that these times meant nothing. That was one of the first things Chris Medland told you guys before posting times on Twitter). I have already seen the "So, when will people start calling for Lando's seat?" and "Lando only spun because he's feeling the pressure of Piastri." and "Lando's about to get humbled by a rookie." comments on Twitter and I'm just like besties ... we know nothing about fuel loads, we know nothing about what tire compound each time was set on. Truthfully the only thing we could make assumptions based upon is track evolution for drivers who set their fastest lap later. Considering Lando set his fastest lap before I even went to sleep about 6 hours ago, whereas quite a few drivers seemed to have improved since then (Oscar himself, Sargeant, De Vries, Doohan, etc.), and drivers even aside from Lando who we know are talented who also set their fastest laps before I went to sleep and didn't improve (George, Bottas) (who are both behind most of the rookies and young drivers who tested today. Hamilton as well. I assume we're going to start calling a 7 time WDC talentless and demanding his seat over a tire test as well?), I think people are wild for drawing conclusions based upon this. And we're criticizing him for spinning ... during a tire test ... where they're testing completely NEW tires? (My first thought was it's better than having a moment in the pits and nearly crashing there, sorry Lando ily), but I guess Alonso is also talentless since he had a moment as well? Also find it very weird how Lando is the only one getting any hate from this. I thought maybe getting away from Dan Stans, he could finally breathe without someone belittling his talent, but I suppose not (though to be truthful, after following McLaren pages this long, I had a feeling this would happen when they stuck with the Aussies (also not to generalize ALL Aussies, some I've met through F1 are super cool, but quite a few of the ones I've encountered on McLaren's IG/FB/Reddit/etc. are super toxic too). This isn't anti-Piastri either. I went to sleep GLAD that he was already seemingly meshing with the car and getting closer to Lando times, but these responses from his fans aren't it, especially when basically every McLaren/Lando fan I know has been excited for him and even HOPING he does well so one driver alone wasn't depended upon for most of the points. He could come into next year and beat the socks off Lando and I wouldn't be bitter towards him, but you can bet I'll call out any shitty fans. (But who knows? Maybe they should keep being shitty and toxic. We saw how that seemed to motivate and push him even more when everyone was saying Dan would ruin his career and send him to FE 🤷🏻‍♀️).

I feel all of this, and it's exactly why I don't look at the comments on instagram and why I don't have Twitter nor will I get it

From what I've seen, most people who slate this sort of stuff don't even watch races, they watched DTS and now want drama. I was talking to someone at a work thing about F1 and they couldn't even tell me who'd won the weekend before (literally 3 days earlier) because they didn't watch it, they just liked DTS.... so another reason I ignore that kind of shit

We all know tyre tests don't mean shit, especially when they're not comparing like for like since Lando was testing the 23 tyres and Oscar was using the 22 tyres, and the other thing is even if they did mean anything it doesn't matter because they're the old cars. I can't wait to see the back of the MCL36 and judging from a couple of pics of Lando neither can he

Lando just gets under people's skin because they can't handle the fact they're wrong about him. It's literally that simple to me. All the pay driver comments and insults and accusations he's had priority or preference at the detriment of his teammate are all easily disproven because there's overwhelming evidence of his great performance through the lower Formulas, by the fact he won the McLaren drive and they loved him, by comments made by Fernando Alonso after the Daytona 24 (and my fave insta comment 'Bravo Landito'). And more importantly by the fact other teams want him - Horner literally came out and said recently they've tried to nab him on several occasions but he just keeps signing on to keep repping papaya, plus the fact that last year the team principals rated him 3rd in the top 10 drivers of the 2021 season, only behind Max and Lewis (aka the two fighting at the top for WDC last year...)

As for the Dan stans, we were never getting rid of them, they seem unable to help themselves from making comments (and of course this isn't all Daniel fans you know exactly who I'm talking about) but I had hoped for better from Oscar's fans (again, a handful and not the majority but you know what I mean). Especially when I haven't seen a single McLaren or Lando fan say a word against Oscar because the main thing we want is for Lando to not HAVE to carry the team on his back (*cough* 76% of the team's points Lando brought in *cough*) for another season

The fact these people saying about Lando's seat seem to forget Lando was offered one of the longest contracts aside from Max because McLaren know how good he is (*stares at Imola podium won in a fucking tractor and then at the overtake montage from COTA despite having lost the front left fairing*) and don't want him stolen from them, but yeah sure Oscar's absolutely gonna make McLaren sack him over times from tyre testing when Oscar was running the young driver testing which is a completely different thing 🙄

[absolutebl]

Thoughts on Why Safe & Consensual Sex Is So Rare In BL

This comes out of an ask who wanted to remain anonymous. 

Specifically we were discussing Rain & Payu in Love in the Air whom we admit are hot and seem to honestly enjoy each other, and did feature (briefly) a condom (although not enough time to put it on) but no verbal consent, safe words, or lube. 

I would likely it to be so perfectly and sublimely clear to all reading that lube is a matter of safety with a-play. Okay? It’s not optional. 

Leaving aside the issues with kink (but not really) non-con and dub-con in BL, because I’ve chatted about that before i wanted to noodle on just safe sex as repped in romance dramas in general (or not, as the case may be). 

Honestly, I think this is a problem not just in BL but in all romance, much of Hollywood and also the literary side of the equation. 

The fact that they struggle just to showcase verbal consent as sexy (which it is) and safe sex as sexy (which it is) shows a profound lack of imagination and is backwards (to say the least) and probubly quite damaging. 

Some romance novelists are taking strides to correct for this but it is... rare in % of product produced no matter what media or genre you are in. In matters of cultural honestly TV always lags behind literature by 5-10 years, and international industries are going to be even slower for reasons of culture conflict. 

Lack of depictions of SSC (safe, sane, consensual) sex is primarily an issue that comes with misogyny (in BL the seme/uke being code for male/female) and the male "taking what he wants because he’d just so overwhelmed by desire" being conflated with "sexy." The more patriarchal the dominant society the less we see consent and safe sex represented in pop culture (if at all). 

There’s a narrative flaw with preparation as well (condoms, lube, other forms of protection) because it indicates premeditation (characterization). The narrative wants the seme to be spontaneous and swept away by his desires, the presence of a condom under such circumstances indicates he either thought about it before and thought the uke would be easy, or was prepared to do it with someone else (gasp). So the narrative can color preparation as a character flaw. (There are ways around this by having the crass/spunky bestie tuck a condom into his trusty tote see Pond in LBC, or have him leave in the middle of hot & heavy to go running arounds drugstores - rare but more common in het dramas.) 

There will be additional cultural components in play. Cultures with dominant religious and nationalistic agendas that are pro childbirth, for example, will rarely show condom use. Those where a man having to glove up is associated with “limiting manliness” or somehow “impinging upon control of identity,” the same again. In parts of the world where condoms are associated with gayness and disease control it can have a detrimental effect on use in general, since to use a condom is to be tied to gayness and uncleanliness. (A marketing and messaging problem. Look into some of the research on convincing doctors to wash their hands, for example. Sigh. Podcast No Stupid Questions Ep 116: Do People Pay Attention to Signs? is tangential to this.) This also will have to do with the presence or absence of socialized medicine. 

A zeitgeist change needs to happen, much as we saw happen with smoking (in some parts of the world in the late 90s - early 2000s). When neglecting to positively showcase safety in pop culture is actually seen as disgusting or unhygienic (or better: low status, inferior, weak, taboo) the more likely safe sex is to happen. (There’s not enough psyche work done in intentionally instilling disgust, if you ask me. Probably because it infringes on religion’s territory.) 

It’s best to attempt to instill a visceral gag factor response if at all possible. 

That said, Japanese cinema still loves to show a hot man smoking - clearly thinking it subversive and sexy. 

As Oscar Wilde once put it:

“As long as war is regarded as wicked, it will always be regarded with fascination. When it is looked upon as vulgar it will cease to be popular.” 

This essay could have been better said if I cribbed from him, 

“As long as risky sex is  regarded as wicked, it will always be regarded with fascination. When it is looked upon as vulgar it will cease to be popular.” 

Also, ya know what, I’m gonna call fanfic on their shit too. It’s on you as well, you slackers. Get your sex right, especially if it’s why people are reading you. Take this as a challenge. What, you think it’s too hard to write safe sex as hot? Are you lily-livered or just incompetent? Do better. 

And you know why you should? Because your shit is free and you are doing it for fun. There’s no barrier to entry, therefore most anyone globally can read it, and therefore you owe MORE to your readers, and the next generation of fic authors and sex havers out there, not less.

“Barrier to entry.”

Heh heh. 

So clearly as far as I am concerned, the battle, it persists. 

Older post here with some earlier BL that depicts safe sex. 

This post dated Fall 2022, I’m hoping things change, but I am not responsible to update or keep track of stuff after this date. 

(source) 

[artificialqueens]

Just the Game We’re In - Chapter 12 (Ortega

a/n: I have honestly no idea how to start this off, and I’m aware I’m not accepting a fucking Oscar, so I’ll try to keep this as short as possible. Back in the summer of 2016, there was a crossover fic challenge posted to this blog. I was in the process of finishing MasP and, as someone who fucking loved The Thick Of It and knew how well Bianca would fit as Malcolm Tucker, I posted chapter 1 of what started as a lighthearted, funny Politics AU, Just the Game We’re In. Fast forward nearly three fucking years, me graduating from uni and getting a job, countless long-ass fuckin update gaps and 179,065 words later, this is the final chapter, and I have no idea what the fuck I’m going to do with my life now!! I know I’m not the first person to ever finish a fic in this blog’s history, i ain’t special sis, but I really do want to say thank you thank you thank you to anyone who has ever given any chapter of this a note, reblogged it with something lovely, made fucking fanart or a moodboard (still in awe at that), has read any part of it, or has simply been a friend I’ve made through the writing process. It would be criminal not to specially mention @purecamp- she has without a doubt been Game’s biggest cheerleader throughout it all and legit I may not have even finished this if it wasn’t for her. She is a fantastic person and an amazing friend. I’ll sound like a wet wipe, but Game has legit changed my life. When I was little my dream was to be an author and I loved writing stories. I had never expected my writing to get much of a response when I joined AQ but I can safely say that this blog has been so so amazing and has really allowed me to live my childhood dream of writing a story that people actually wanted to read (this is the definition of cheesy). I’ll shut up now, but here she is everyone. As always lmk what u think over at artificialortega, I tried so hard to make it the most absolutely perfect ending. Chapter 12 of Game, the final chapter. It has been some fuckin wild ride. Xxxxxxxxx

(p.s. phi phi ur a babe im sorry i made u the opposition in this fic and i know u don’t have shitty opinions like game phi phi)

The street was silent. Time had seemed to freeze completely, and even the sound of the car speeding away seemed to be on mute. Perhaps it was just the overwhelming ringing in Willam’s ears that drowned everything else out, which sounded eerily akin to a flatline.

Willam could only blink and feel her heartbeat through her chest, cruelly taunting her and reminding her that Sharon, lying on the concrete, might not have had that privilege. Was she moving? Was she bleeding? Was she alive?

It felt as if Willam stood there frozen for minutes but it was probably only seconds, as all at once she felt herself walking forward, two slow steps and then breaking out into a sprint where she skidded to a halt beside Sharon’s body.

Fuck, no, not her body, Willam thought. Beside Sharon. Sharon, the living human being.

“Sharon,” Willam felt her voice come out as nothing more than a hoarse, panic-induced whisper. She looked at the woman in front of her. Willam was relieved to find that there weren’t any horrific, horror-movie style streams of blood pissing out of her. Suddenly she remembered the phrase she’d gleaned from many hours of her Mum watching Casualty, “internal bleeding”, and her heart grew cold. There were some huge scratches on her head which were already taking on the greenish hue of a bruise underneath, and the friction of her body on the tarmac had ripped open the light Summer jacket Sharon had been wearing and opened a deep gash on the arm which sat ugly and unmoving, a stagnant red against her pale skin.

Her leg was bent at a gruesomely impossible angle.

“Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Willam hissed, shock pulsing through her like a thousand volts as she grabbed her phone from her jacket pocket and grew frustrated as it clung to the material and wouldn’t seem to budge. After some fierce tugs it finally emerged. Willam fumbled with her passcode two times then succeeded in opening her phone, and with shaky fingers she dialled 4 9s, deleted one, and hit the call button.

It rang once, then twice, then again. The ringing continued. Willam’s panic increased tenfold. How often do you need to phone 999 in your life, and when you finally do they don’t fucking pick up the phone?

Finally, the voice of the operator came down the line.

“999, which service do you require?”

“Ambulance, please,” Willam breathed out, the scared tone in her voice and the small, polite plea at the end making her feel as if she was about 5 years old.

“And the address please?”

Willam looked around, panic consuming her every movement and rendering her unable to see clearly. “We’re outside the Crown and Anchor in Chiswick, I don’t know the road name, um-”

“Can you see any road signs at all?”

Willam found her gaze focussing on a street sign a little further along the road. “Um. Belmont Road, I think? I’m sorry, I can’t-”

“Don’t worry, love, we’ve got it,” the voice replied soothingly, making Willam feel more like a child than ever. “And can you describe what’s happened at all?”

“My friend,” Willam began, then was suddenly cut off by a sob that unexpectedly welled up and burst in her throat, causing two tears to spring from her eyes. “She’s been hit by a car, it just came along from nowhere and it didn’t stop, she rolled right over it.”

“Your friend’s been hit by a car? Okay, my love. And you’re saying the car didn’t brake?”

“No,” Willam gasped, her breathing becoming more and more erratic as she sobbed. Fuck, where had all this crying come from?

“Was the car moving quickly?”

Willam frowned. It had been so long since she’d driven it was hard to give an estimate. “It seemed to be going pretty fast but I couldn’t say how much, sorry.”

There was a short pause. Willam looked at Sharon lying below her, then in panic around her as she realised she was still on the road. “I’m not being rude but is the ambulance coming?”

“Don’t worry, love, I know it can be hard when you’re waiting for someone to arrive. The ambulance has been dispatched, don’t panic. Keep talking to me. Is your friend conscious?”

Willam instantly turned to Sharon. “Sharon?” she shook her shoulder, lifted up an eyelid. “Sharon? Fuck, I don’t think so.”

“Don’t think so. Okay. Is she breathing?”

Willam knelt close to her chest and rested her hand on her heart. She felt the gentle rise and fall of her chest and wanted to cry with relief.  “Yes.”

“Still breathing, okay. And you said the patient’s name was Sharon?”

“Yeah, Sharon Needles,” Willam stuttered, momentarily worried about the headlines then cursing herself for the priorities she automatically had.

“Is she bleeding?” the call carrier continued, seemingly not the least bit fazed by the famous invalid.

“She’s got a massive big cut on her arm, but nothing else major. Um…some scratches here and there? I don’t know what’ll need stitches or not…fuck, fuck,” Willam breathed, the seriousness and reality of the situation hitting her all over again. “We’re still on the road, should I move her?”

“No, don’t move her, love. There could be broken bones which might be made worse if you do.”

Willam sighed, taking Sharon’s hand absent-mindedly. The small gesture almost broke her heart and reminded her of how things used to be. Maybe everything would be different if she’d never accepted Sharon’s offer of drinks, this may never have happened. She sighed in exasperation as she suppressed another sob. “Is the ambulance nearby?”

“I’m sorry love, it’s on its way. I know the questions can be annoying but everything we get we pass on to the paramedics-”

“She’s my friend,” Willam said softly, bringing her other hand up to stroke Sharon’s cheek.

“I know, love, we’re doing all we can at this end. Can you describe your friend for me? Age, gender, nationailty?”

The questions seemed to go round in a circle. They were endless, and Willam could feel herself growing more and more irate as the minutes seemed to tick by. Finally, after what seemed like hours, an ambulance slowly drew to a halt on the opposite side of the road to Willam. She immediately hung up on the operator and sprinted to the paramedics who were on their way over to Sharon.

“Hello there!” one greeted her, as natural and cheerful as if she’d just asked him about the weather. “Right, so this is our patient over here. What’s her name?“

Everything passed on to the paramedics my ass, Willam cursed under her breath, then spoke. “It’s Sharon. She was hit by a car.”

“Hello, Sharon, love!” the other paramedic greeted her, lifting her eyelids and shining a small torch into them. “Can you hear us, Sharon?”

Willam wanted to hiss at them that they’d get more conversation out of Helen Keller but she remembered that she wasn’t in Dosac any more, she wasn’t at work, she was lying on a road with her friend crumpled in a heap and no matter how incompetent these people seemed, they were there to help her.

“No response. Okay, grab the gurney.”

What followed this may as well have been another language as the two paramedics spoke in terrifying terminology about IV drips, lacerations and bone fractures. The man brought out a huge metal trolley that Sharon was lifted up onto after some form of yellow styrofoam-looking cast was placed around her mangled leg and another one was placed around her head. As she was carried into the ambulance, Willam, who had been silent for some time save for answering the paramedic’s questions, spoke up.

“Can I, um. Can I come with you in the ambulance?”

‘Of course you can, darling,” the female paramedic smiled at her. Willam momentarily wondered why NHS staff seemed to speak solely in pet names. “What’s your name, love?”

“Willam.”

“Willam, okay. And you are Sharon’s…?”

Willam paused for a beat. “I’m her best friend.”

“Bestie, aw that’s nice. So you were out for some drinks when this happened then, yeah? Girls night out?”

“Something like that,” Willam sighed, climbing the steps up to the back of the ambulance then sitting in the small chair at the end of the vehicle and putting her seatbelt on. Sharon sat in the silver trolley opposite her already hooked up to various machines. Symbols and numbers flashed on a small screen, none of which Willam could tell was good or bad.

“Okay, seatbelt on,” the woman instructed her, sitting down in her own seat herself. “We’ll be at the hospital in no time. Once we’re there, we’ll-”

Willam barely heard her as her mind began to drift away, and all she could focus on were the sirens attached to the ambulance that seemed so far away. That all-too-familiar sound that she recognised from streets and junctions was her and Sharon, the pair of them racing through central London in an ambulance.

Soon enough they arrived at the hospital, and Sharon was being wheeled out of the ambulance, down a ramp and straight into the building. Willam followed awkwardly behind, past people in wheelchairs and others in beds hooked up to various beeping machines and parked, or perhaps abandoned, in corridors. The male paramedic turned to her suddenly as Sharon was wheeled behind a curtain.

“I’m sorry- she can’t have anyone with her at the moment.”

Willam frowned, helpless. “But-”

“She’s in good hands, I promise,” he smiled at her, his gentle eyes reminding her of a long-dead Grandpa she had loved dearly and making her want to cry all over again. His face turned conspiratorial as his eyes shifted around. “Look you shouldn’t really, but if you go to that desk over there you’ll get taken to a relative’s room. It’s not much but it’ll be a quiet room with a kettle and a sofa and a phone and it’ll be a hell of a lot better than sitting stressed in the waiting room.”

Willam gazed over at the desk in question, opposite which were hordes of people waiting to be seen- some looked fine, some had huge wads of kitchen roll wrapped around cuts, there were a couple of drunk men singing football chants and a child with a toy stuck to their foot. Definitely not ideal company.

“Thanks,” Willam summoned up a smile to return to the man.

“That’s alright. I know you must have had a stressful evening,” he said sincerely, frowning.

Willam nodded to him. “It’s appreciated, um…”

“Mattheiu,” the paramedic smiled, holding out a hand for her to shake. She took it gently, thanked him for perhaps the third time, and made her way to the desk where she answered a few questions in a daze and then got shown to a small room, just as Matthieu had described- small, windowless, with dim lights and a single sofa and a little tray with a kettle, teabags, coffee and a pot of milk. There was a landline phone too, and Willam wanted to laugh at it before she checked her phone and realised she had no signal.

She sat on the sofa and took one deep, shuddery breath. What would happen now? Should she have phoned the police too? Willam hadn’t known what to do, but at least Sharon was being taken care of now. She hoped to God she would be okay. Willam thought hard. What had the car looked like? Silver. Or was it black? Fuck, she couldn’t remember. Number plate? Willam was fucked if she knew. This was terrible. If the police did arrive she would be about as much use as a bottle of Becks at an AA meeting. Something inside Willam questioned whether the whole thing had been an accident. It was easily enough explained- or what if it had been planned? Anyone who ran someone over would have stopped and got out and checked to see if the person was okay, surely? Maybe it was someone who felt too guilty to stop, who was too terrified in case they got convicted- or maybe it was somebody who was satisfied they’d completed what they’d set out to do. What if they’d charged the wrong person for the death threats? What if they had still been at large the whole time?

Willam sighed. Her head was too full, and it was killing her not being able to talk the situation out with anybody. Suddenly, it struck her that people would need to know what had happened. Two people in particular, Willam thought- one in particular that probably hated her but who would come into the hospital to sit with her, and to be with her. After all, she still cared about Willam, she had said so herself. The second was worse, but she still needed to be here. Willam knew she would immediately come in, no matter how bad things had been between her and the woman currently lying on a hospital trolley. She needed to know before it got into the press, and Willam had horrific visions of one of them finding out from a BBC News 24 notification.

Her professional brain urged her to phone Bianca first, and Willam growled at it angrily as she picked up the landline, looked in her contacts, and dialled the number of the first woman in question. She could have been apprehensive or afraid, but not right now. Right now she was afraid of something much worse, and it wasn’t on the other end of the phone.

Courtney picked up after four rings. “Hello?”

“Hey. It’s me,” Willam began, her stomach sinking at having to do this over the phone.

“Willam…it’s two in the morning.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry. I didn’t know if you’d still be awake.”

Courtney’s voice wasn’t harsh or reprimanding as Willam had expected. It was as if she knew that something was up. Sure enough, the Australian accent came down the line again. “Willam, what’s happened?”

Willam felt her blood run cold. She didn’t want to have to bear the news. “Sharon’s in hospital.”

“Oh fuck.”

“She was run over by a car,” Willam said, completely unsure of where the conversation went from here.

“Oh Jesus. Is she okay? Fuck, sorry, what a stupid question,” Courtney’s voice was apologetic, and Willam could hear commotion on the other end of the line, and snuffling.

“Courtney, don’t be upset. It’s okay, it’ll be alright,” Willam found herself comforting the girl on the end of the phone, annoyed that there wasn’t much else she could do.

“Are you at the hospital now? Can I come in?” Willam could hear Courtney struggling with something down the line, perhaps a coat or a pair of shoes.

“Yeah, please. We’re at Charing Cross Hospital. Phone me when you’re outside- no, shit, I’ve got no reception. Just tell me how long you’ll be and I’ll go and wait at the main entrance for you.”

Courtney gave a small, helpless sigh. “Fuck, I don’t know, I don’t know how long I’ll have to wait for a taxi at this time of night.”

“Courtney, you live in London,” Willam said, unable to help herself as she snorted a small giggle.

“Fuck. Right,” Courtney matched her laughter, which quickly turned into a sob. “Fuck. Um, half an hour?”

“Okay. See you then,” Willam sighed, her heart hurting at Courtney’s panic. “Courtney, it’ll be okay. Don’t worry. She’s safe now.”

“Right,” Courtney replied with a sniff, which didn’t inspire any confidence in Willam. “See you then.”

With that, Courtney was gone. Willam deflated on the sofa, letting out what seemed to be all the air in her lungs.

That had been hard enough. Now for the phone call she really didn’t want to have to make.

***

Willam had decided to wait at the entrance a little earlier than she said she’d be, just in case Courtney was early too. Part of her was anxious about leaving the relatives room, in case somebody arrived with news about Sharon, but she’d said she would meet Courtney at the door. As she stood in the chilly night air, she watched as cars and taxis pulled up and people came and went, the hospital just as busy as it probably was during the daytime. Health didn’t sleep or take a rest, thought Willam, and she supposed anything could happen to anyone at any time. Life was scary, she pondered, and mortality was so fragile.

As she was wondering, she was suddenly distracted by a sudden, harsh pounding of footsteps on the pavement, and somebody sobbing. Willam looked up and saw Alaska running from a taxi and straight towards her. If it had been any other situation, Willam would have laughed- Alaska was wearing trainers on her feet paired with huge fluffy bedsocks, her outfit consisted of Winnie The Pooh pyjama bottoms and a huge, baggy hoodie, probably pulled on over her pyjama top. A huge parka topped off the look, and Alaska’s face was red and blotchy with puffy eyes which had tears streaming from them.

As Alaska finally reached Willam, she flung her arms around her in a hug and the girl’s body was racked with sobs. Willam sighed, muttering soft, calming words and rubbing Alaska’s back in circles. It had been a horrendous phone call even though it hadn’t lasted long- Alaska, just like Courtney, sensed something had been up, even to the extent that she’d known something had happened to Sharon. She had immediately broken down in tears, but Willam had hardly had time to say anything comforting to her before she was gone, presumably to phone a taxi.

“Is she okay?” Alaska squeaked out in between shudders and sobs. Willam gave her a squeeze.

“She’s in good hands. They’ve not given me an update but I think she’ll be okay. She was still breathing when I was with her so that’s a good sign.”

Alaska broke away from the hug slightly, horror on her face. “Oh my God, you were there? What happened?”

Willam sighed, not wanting to relive it all. “We had been for a drink and we were literally just saying goodbye. Sharon was crossing the road and we were mucking about, she was sort of walking across it really slowly. She stopped and paused in the middle of it and then the car just came at her.”

“She stopped in the road?” Alaska whispered. Willam could see her mind was going at around a thousand miles an hour.

“Alaska, it was 1am. The streets were dead.”

“But surely you could hear the car coming? Fuck, Willam, why didn’t you stop her or push her out of the way or something?” Alaska said, growing frustrated. Then, seeing Willam’s hackles immediately raising at the accusation, she stopped. “Sorry. Shit, I’m sorry, Willam, it wasn’t your fault, none of it was your fault. Fuck, it’s such a mess.”

Alaska began to cry again and Willam pulled her back into a hug. As she started to calm down, Willam took her hand and squeezed it.

“I’ve been put in a relative’s room- nobody’s updated me about Sharon yet but then I’ve only been here for 20 minutes. Why don’t we go inside and see if there’s been any progress?” she summoned a smile for her friend, not yet letting go of her hand. She led Alaska back into the hospital, past the initial shopping-centre facade of coffee shops and WH Smiths that lined the entrance hall and staved off the horrors of the fact that they were in an actual fucking hospital- a place where people bled and suffered and died, and Willam hated it.

She had only just managed to find her way back to the relative’s room and get a snuffling Alaska sat on the couch when a doctor who seemed entirely too young in an all-too-stereotypical white coat entered. Willam could have laughed at how much of a parody everything seemed, until the doctor spoke.

“Hello, ladies. I’m Dr Hall, I’ve been put in charge of Sharon for the time being,” he stuck out his hand, Willam following suit and shaking it while Alaska was unable to rise from the couch.

“I’m Willam, that’s Alaska. She’s Sharon’s girlfriend,” she responded as she shook. Semantics could get fucked for now- Alaska cared like a girlfriend, cried like a girlfriend and worried like a girlfriend so for the moment, that was who she was to Sharon.

“Good to meet you both. I’ve just been in triage with Sharon and I’ve done an initial assessment with the head nurse. It’s hard to say until we run some more thorough tests, but for the moment we believe Sharon has sustained a number of injuries and she’ll be in the ICU for her time here.”

There, the doctor paused as if to take in the reactions of the girls in front of him. Willam had been aware of a cry from Alaska, but she was motionless and felt completely sick. “Injuries like what?”

“Well, we’re certain she’s broken her leg. That’s straightforward enough and we’ll be able to fix that. She also has a laceration on her right arm that will need stitched up, but everything else seems to be internal. Her breathing is very laboured so we think there could be some sort of fracture to her ribs or alternatively a traumatic pneumothorax, what you and I would refer to as a punctured lung.”

Alaska gave a gasp as Willam took all of the information in. She knew Sharon was hurt, but she didn’t realise just how bad it was, as silly as it sounded.

“Apart from that, we’ll need to get her a CT scan to assess whether or not there’s any internal bleeding or any other fractures or breakages,” he continued, his face softening as his eyes settled on Alaska. “I’m very sorry, I know how hard this must be for you both.”

“Can we see her?” Alaska asked softly, her eyes filled with tears. Willam let a small breath go.

“Alaska, you heard him. Sharon will be waiting to go for scans just now, she’s not in a fit state for us,” Willam sat down next to her friend and pulled her close. Exhaustion seemed to overcome Alaska and her sobs fell quiet, choosing to look intently at the floor instead. Willam turned to address the doctor. “When can we see her, though?”

“It’s hard to say. Once she’s had her scans she might need to go into theatre and if so, she’ll be waiting for that. When she’s done, we’ll give her a room and you can go and see her. Until then you’re welcome to use this room as your base, and if you need me at all then please feel free to ask at reception for me,” Dr Hall smiled gently, nodding to the two women as he left the room and closed the door silently.

Once he was gone, silence filled the small room. Willam stood up slowly.

“Lask, I’m going to need to head back outside. I said I’d pick up Courtney. Are you going to be okay here?”

The other woman wordlessly nodded. Despite the uneasy feeling in her chest, Willam knew she had to go outside to see if Courtney was there.

As she walked back to the same spot where she’d met Alaska, thoughts swirled around her mind and poured over the top of each other like a whirlpool. A punctured lung, internal bleeding. All of it was so horrible. Willam couldn’t help but imagine the worst, and her stomach felt so tight and sick.

She didn’t have to walk all the way back outside, as she found Courtney as she turned into the small shopping area. She was leaving the little M&S food (capitalism at its worst, Willam thought, putting arguably the most expensive supermarket in a hospital so people have no other choice but to buy from them) with a small shopping bag and her face, similar to Alaska’s, was red and tear-stained. She was dressed in a sweatshirt, jeans and trainers but her hair was still curled neatly, indicative of her date just hours before.

She’d probably been having such a good night, Willam thought, and I’ve ruined it.

“Courtney,” Willam called her over, the other girl’s head turning at the mention of her name. Selfishly, Willam’s heart lifted at the brief light that shone in Courtney’s eyes when she saw her. As if everything that had happened between them had been forgotten, Courtney hurried forward and wrapped her arms around Willam in a hug. Willam could feel her breathing deeply as she sighed and her mind cruelly taunted her, the image of a rib piercing through Sharon’s lung springing to mind involuntarily even though she knew that wasn’t how a punctured lung worked. For a moment they both stood still in each other’s arms, the two women simply needing held, one anchoring the other.

Courtney pulled away first, like Willam knew she would. She fixed her red eyes on Willam’s and her face was full of concern. “How is she, Willam?”

“Doctor was just in, they’re doing a scan on her now but they think she’s got a punctured lung and maybe internal bleeding. She’s broken her leg and the road sliced her arm open too. She could have fractured or broken more bones but they don’t know yet,” Willam sighed, unable to break Courtney’s gaze. The other woman looked sick as she glanced down the corridor. Willam could see she was looking at all the different horrifying hospital signs, each as cryptic and foreboding as the last.

“Oh God, it’s horrible. Absolutely fucking horrible,” she said softly, shakily breathing in.

“She’ll be in the ICU once they’ve finished with her, but we don’t know how long that’ll be. Alaska’s here, and they’ve given us a room to wait in,” Willam explained, as she began to walk slowly forward, gently encouraging Courtney to follow.

Courtney walked a couple of steps silently, then gave a panicked laugh. “I’m an idiot. I just went and panic-bought a ton of hospital shit for Sharon. I doubt it’ll be much use to her.”

Willam looked down at the bag. “What did you get?”

Courtney gave a humourless bark of a laugh. “Grapes, Lucosade and Heat magazine.”

“The holy trinity of intensive care unit accessories,” Willam quipped equally humourlessly.

They walked the rest of the way in silence, Willam having to fight the urge to reach down and intertwine her fingers with Courtney’s as they walked down each corridor. She couldn’t believe she was having these horrible, selfish thoughts while Sharon was lying on a hospital trolley somewhere in the building but the whole experience had shocked and scared her, reminded her of how unforgiving and cruel fate could be, and that was enough to make anyone cling to the people they cared for.

The rest of the time in the relatives’ room passed in a blur. Courtney and Alaska were reunited and tears were shed as soon as they saw each other, Courtney clinging to Alaska and muttering how sorry she was over and over again whilst Alaska silently stood and let herself be held, tears alternating between streaming down her cheeks and dropping directly from her eyes onto Courtney’s hoodie. They sat and they waited. Willam made the three of them cups of tea, none of which were drank. They tried to talk about things, mundane things, anything that wasn’t Sharon. They sat still and isolated from each other, save for Courtney holding Alaska’s hand tightly, her knuckles white and curled around Alaska’s fingers.

It had been roughly an hour and twenty minutes when the doctor from before re-appeared in the room, and just before he spoke there was silence like Willam had never heard before, as if the whole world held its breath.

***

The beeping was monotonous and creepy and clinical, but to Willam it was the best sound she’d heard in her life because as long as the beeping continued, it meant Sharon was alive.

She didn’t look very Sharon-like, though, she supposed, as Willam watched in slight horror as her chest rose laboriously up and down. Tubes snaked in and out of various limbs and an oxygen mask was strapped to her swollen face, upon which had developed several green and blue bruises. She looked awful, but she was breathing.

The hours had both dragged and flown by.  03.40, Doctor Hall had explained that Sharon was in theatre as the CAT scan had uncovered internal bleeding near her liver. Their worst fear. Alaska had cried and Courtney had been shaken and Willam sat and stared at nothing, paralysed with fear. 04.15, another visit from the doctor after a tense and sickening half hour in the relatives’ room, which had begun to feel like a prison. The surgeons had stopped the bleeding and Sharon would be okay, although on top of the punctured lung she did have a broken collarbone, two fractured ribs and a fractured pelvis. Willam hadn’t known if she was supposed to be happy that Sharon wasn’t in immediate life-threatening danger or full of dread at all the horrible breaks and fractures she’d sustained. 04.50, another visit from Dr Hall, and just as tensions were running at their highest the three girls had finally been told they could see Sharon.

That had been the last update before they’d followed Dr Hall up to the intensive care unit and into a small, mercifully private room which housed a bed, two chairs, a bedside cabinet, a TV, and Sharon with all her tubes and machines. Willam hadn’t been able to stop staring at the woman on the bed since she’d seen her, and neither had the other two girls. Willam had given both of them the chairs and she’d chosen to stand near the door, which meant she could see both of their expressions. Courtney looked pale and blank-faced, Alaska looked mournful.

It was Alaska who spoke first in an entirely emotionless voice. “She doesn’t look like Sharon.”

There was a silence which Willam filled. “He did tell us that she’d look different. I know it’s freaky but all the stuff she’s hooked up to is all stuff that’s going to help her, Lask.”

Alaska nodded silently. She looked at one of Sharon’s hands, the one closest to the bed, which had an IV line attached to the back of it. Her mouth turned downwards. “I’m scared to even hold her hand in case something else goes wrong.”

Courtney rested a hand on Alaska’s arm. “Nothing’s going to go wrong. It’ll be fine.”

Alaska leaned forward, reached a hand out and awkwardly rested it over Sharon’s, lacing the tips of her fingers through Sharon’s own. Willam let out a breath she was unaware she’d been holding, akin to a sigh of relief.

“When will she wake up, do you think?” Alaska asked, her voice small.

Courtney sighed. “She’ll be resting for a while yet, I think. The pain meds will knock her out quite a bit.”

“Do you think when she wakes up she’d be able to get me some?” Willam deadpanned, without being able to help it. She watched as Alaska turned to look at her, then bit her lip as she stifled a laugh. Courtney first looked to Alaska, then at Willam before she let out a small giggle. Willam smiled. It wasn’t much, an unfunny joke about drugs, but it had lifted some of the tension from the room.

Suddenly, her phone buzzed once, then twice, then three times. A call. She took her phone out of her pocket, and she could see the other girls looking at her forebodingly.

Caller ID- Bianca.

Willam had known that the phone call would come, she just hadn’t expected it to be so soon. She looked at the other two girls, stepped out of the room, and took it.

“Hi, Bianca.”

There was a beat of silence on the other end of the line, which never ever happened in a Bianca Del Rio phone call. When Bianca phoned you she had shit to say immediately and she never wasted time. Now, though, Willam felt the seconds tick by. Her voice finally came. “Willam. What’s happened to Sharon.”

Willam cast her eyes through the glass to the three women in the small room, and her heart sank.

“Willam.”

Willam took a breath. “We were out together. She was in a hit and run. She’s in intensive care.”

There was some form of sound from Bianca that sounded both angry and anguished. Willam held her breath. “I’m sorry, Bianca, I should have phoned you earlier. I should have phoned the police-”

“Willam, you listen to me,” Bianca’s voice came down the line, hoarse and harsh. “Do not dare apologise. You weren’t to know. You got her to the hospital, which was the most important thing.”

There was a silence. Willam turned and looked at the pale, beige paint of the corridor walls. “It’s reached the press, hasn’t it.”

“Obviously.”

She hissed and let the silence linger. “Jesus Christ, Bianca, this is all a fucking hellscape.”

“I know. I know. And I can’t hold it from the front pages, Willam, they’re all fucking animals and they need to be fed. The Guardian have got a testimonial from a trainee nurse that knows all her fucking injuries and has leaked them all,” Bianca sighed. Willam had never heard her sound so hopeless. She was silent again. “You’ve been my first port of call. I’m going to phone the detective looking after Sharon’s case, because I don’t believe for a minute that this was a coincidence. Then I’m coming in to see her.”

“Bianca, don’t…” Willam began. How do you comfort a woman like Bianca? “Don’t worry about the press. There’s still a couple of hours before shit goes to print, we can figure something out.”

“I’m not worried about the press. I’m worried about Sharon.”

Silence.

Bianca’s voice came again. “I’ll see you in a bit. Take care, Willam.”

She was gone.

Willam walked back into Sharon’s room. Alaska and Courtney immediately looked up at her.

“The press have got it,” she said blankly. Courtney shook her head.

“Well, we knew it would only be a matter of time,” Alaska said softly, her face frowning.

“Bianca’s coming in. She’ll probably have police with her,” Willam said, then sighed as realisation dawned on her. “Which means I’ll get questioned. Can’t wait for that.”

Courtney caught her eye. She looked genuinely concerned for Willam and despite everything, Willam’s heart skipped a beat. Courtney rose slowly. “Well, we’ll all need coffee if we’re going to be awake much longer. I’ll get us some.”

“I’ll come with you,” Willam suddenly decided, Courtney’s eyes giving nothing away as she nodded her permission. Alaska simply looked up at them and then back down at Sharon. It was an unspoken fact that she wasn’t going to leave her side anytime soon.

Willam followed Courtney out into the corridor and then into the lift where they were both silent. Willam looked at the floor, then spoke.

“At least she’s alright.”

Courtney nodded. “True. I think we just need her to come to and then we’ll all breathe a sigh of relief.”

There was another silence as they walked into the small Costa. Courtney ordered three espressos with milk from a barista with purple hair and huge winged eyeliner, and they sat at a table and waited. Willam looked at Courtney’s face- the worried frown lines on her forehead, her glassy, tired eyes, her lips which were sore and bitten. She missed her so much.

“So,” Willam began, deciding to break the silence. “How was your date?”

“My date- oh!” Courtney looked confused, then enlightened. She gave a laugh. “Yeah…it was nice. Andrew’s a lovely guy and he’s a good old-fashioned gentleman.”

Willam wanted to laugh. What had she expected, Courtney to fall back into her arms? “Oh. Well, at least that’s-”

“But I think we’re probably going to stay as friends,” Courtney finished, interrupting her. Willam couldn’t help but feel her heart lifting.

“That’s a shame,” Willam frowned. Courtney looked at her for a beat, then spluttered a laugh.

“You don’t give a shit, do you?” she asked softly as she laughed. Willam snorted.

“No, I guess I don’t,” she smiled affectionately. Fuck, she’d missed laughing with her, seeing her eyes crinkle up and the way she’d tip her head back and let her hair cascade down her shoulders. “So what was the problem, then?”

Courtney raised her eyebrows. “He wasn’t really vegan. He just eats quorn sometimes. I took him to a vegan restaurant and he looked so horrified at the lack of meat.”

The both of them laughed quietly. Courtney looked awkward, as if she was about to say something else. Willam felt her heartbeat through her chest. She knew that Courtney was holding back on something and so she was almost afraid to say anything in case she backed off.

“Besides,” Courtney mentioned, her gaze firmly fixed on the floor. “He could tell…that I wasn’t over somebody.”

“Oh,” Willam said. It was as if her body couldn’t keep up with everything. One minute she was worried sick about Sharon, the next she was almost going into cardiac arrest because Courtney had basically dropped a massive hint.

Courtney had raised her gaze and fixed it on Willam. “Somebody being you.”

“Right.”

Courtney laughed. “I thought I’d spell that out for you, because you’re a massive fucking moron.”

Willam coughed out a laugh. “I am.”

Courtney smiled a little, looked at Willam expectantly for a beat, then looked again to the floor. Willam panicked. She couldn’t risk losing Courtney again.

“Well…I’m not over you either,” she said quietly, watching as Courtney’s eyes snapped up to face her. Maybe Courtney had been missing her as much as she’d been missing Courtney.

Courtney gave a little smile. “I know.”

Willam obviously looked taken-aback because Courtney burst out laughing, which made Willam start laughing too. As the laughter died down, all that was left was the pair of them looking into each other’s eyes. Just as Willam was about to speak and just as it looked as if Courtney was about to too, the barista yelled Courtney’s order. Courtney jumped up and grabbed the little cardboard tray of three coffees with one hand, then turned to Willam, smiled and gave a little shrug. Just then, her phone vibrated again.

“Bianca’s upstairs with Sharon and Alaska. There’s someone from Scotland Yard with her,” Willam explained as she looked at her phone. Courtney nodded.

“That’s the fun over then,” she quipped, moving towards the exit. Willam’s silence prompted Courtney to look towards her, her expression concerned. “Willam. It’ll be fine.”

Willam mustered a small smile as she walked towards the lifts. She was so lost in thought and worry that she almost didn’t notice Courtney transfer the tray of drinks to her right hand and silently curl her left hand around Willam’s own.

***

It was six o’clock in the morning, and Willam was exhausted. She’d never been questioned by the police before, and she never wanted to be again. They were sympathetic but relentless, and with each question Willam felt more and more useless. How much had Sharon had to drink? What was the precise time that it had happened? Whereabouts in the road was she standing? How fast was the car going? What was its number plate? What was the make of car? What was the colour? What did the driver look like? What did the driver do after they hit Sharon? Which way did they continue driving? Every question was one that Willam felt she couldn’t properly answer. They asked her some questions about the previous death threats, and who she felt might have been behind them- did Sharon have any enemies, and suchlike. Apart from blaming most of the UK’s far right population, Willam had said she wasn’t sure.

She and Bianca had been taken to a station nearby to the hospital, and she emerged from the small questioning room tired and simply wanting to go to bed, but knowing that she would return to the hospital to stay with Alaska and Courtney. She wasn’t really in the mood to speak much to Bianca, and for once Bianca didn’t seem as if she wanted to chat much to her.

“How were they with you?” Bianca asked, rising from the chair she’d been sitting on in the police waiting room as she saw Willam emerge.

“Fine. Didn’t feel very helpful, though,” Willam said, sighing as she walked with Bianca. “I should have written the number plate down, or looked harder at the car, or tried to get a look at the driver.”

Bianca frowned deeply. “Willam, you can’t blame yourself.”

They walked out of the station and down the small, quiet road which was starting to become bathed with morning sunlight. Willam turned to look at Bianca. In all her time working with her, she’d never seen her look so troubled.

Seeing Willam’s concerned look, Bianca exhaled. “I couldn’t keep it from going to the papers. There’s articles online now, and it’ll be on the front pages. We stuck the TV on in Sharon’s room and it was all over News 24. I’m sorry, Willam, I couldn’t protect her.”

“It’s alright, Bianca,” Willam sighed, stopping as she got to the junction. A big black car was waiting at a stop sign, presumably Bianca’s. The spin doctor looked troubled as she gazed to the car.

“It’s getting dragged into politics already.”

Willam cursed under her breath. This was all they needed, Sharon’s accident getting turned into a points-scoring exercise by different parties. “What are people saying?”

“Some of it’s nice. Most of the party have rallied round without me even having to give them a line. Latrice has given a statement, as has Trinity. Shea has tweeted support, so’s Sasha, Peppermint and Maxine. Ironically Sharon getting run over by a car is the most uniting thing she’s done for the party. If I’d known I would have hired her a hitman ages ago,” Bianca laughed bitterly. Her face turned grave. “It’s Mrs fucking Blind Man’s Crumpet herself.”

“Fucking Phi Phi,” Willam hissed, surprising herself with how much venom was in her voice.

“She’s spoken with ITV and she’s given the whole wobbly top lip expressing condolences thing, but she’s trying to turn it into an attack on immigrants.”

“Fuck, did she stretch before she reached? What the hell does that have to do with anything?” Willam complained, deeply irritated.

Bianca frowned. “Because The Sun, the paper we all love to line our cat litter trays with, is alleging that the hit and run was a terrorist incident carried out by an Asian man.”

Willam tore her hands through her hair. “But that’s bullshit, surely? Nobody knows who did it, the police don’t even know who did it!”

“They have a source,” Bianca said. “Which means that either it’s a bullshit source, their usual currency, or that the suspect has leaked it themself.”

“God, Bianca, this is fucking madness.”

Bianca looked at the pavement awkwardly, then at Willam. “Look, I wasn’t going to mention it to you today given the massive amount of stress you’ve already been put through, but we need something on Phi Phi’s party to distract from this mess. If you have anything…well, we’d all appreciate it. Especially Number 10, if you get me.”

Willam momentarily wished she was lying sleeping on a hospital bed instead of Sharon.

“Okay,” she simply nodded once, her mind too full of words to say anything else. Bianca nodded back in goodbye and walked towards her car. Willam watched her climb in and drive off before beginning her own walk back to the hospital. On the way she saw people walking to work, some of whom gave her funny looks. She wondered if they all knew what had happened, until she realised she was still in her clothes from last night- green fur jacket, black lace crop top, tight black skirt without tights and platform trainers on her feet.

Before long she was back at the hospital and in the lift up to the ICU. As she found Sharon’s room, it was almost as if the past hour or so hadn’t happened as the girls were still in the same position- Sharon unmoving on the bed, Alaska staring at her and holding her hand, and Courtney with her phone in her hand texting furiously. Alaska and Courtney looked up as Willam entered the room.

“Hey,” Courtney said, her eyes slightly wide in anticipation. “How was it?”

“It was okay. They asked me a bunch of things I couldn’t answer and then a couple of things I could. I just felt like a fucking failure, like I was no help at all.”

“Stop it,” Courtney frowned, chastising her. “You’re not a failure at all. I bet you were really helpful. Here, come sit. You must be shattered.”

With that, Courtney rose from her chair and beckoned Willam to sit. Too exhausted to protest, Willam slid into it. She looked at Sharon, then Alaska.

“Anything?”

Alaska sighed deeply. “Nothing. She hasn’t even moved.”

Worry churned in Willam’s stomach. Courtney piped up. “The doctor was in though, and he said that sometimes it can help to talk to them even if they’re not responding.”

“Did you try it?”

Alaska chuckled. “We read her some of Heat magazine.”

“Oh, good, she’d have loved that,” Willam said dryly, causing Courtney to snort. Willam thought for a moment, then turned back to Alaska. “Well, when she wakes up, you’ll be sitting there. She’s not properly seen you for ages. Why don’t you talk to her? Explain your side of everything that’s happened.”

Willam looked to Courtney for approval, who shrugged. “Worth a try, Lask.”

Alaska took a deep breath, laughed a little self-consciously, then turned to Sharon.

“Hey babe,” she began, looking at Willam and Courtney in embarrassment, then back to Sharon. “God, this is just…literal torture seeing you like this. Somehow I just feel like all of this is my fault, maybe if I’d stayed with you then you wouldn’t have gone out with Willam and none of this would have happened. I’m an absolute dick, really, because I’ve been ignoring you and every single attempt you’ve made at trying to contact me and then Willam phoned me and told me about what happened and all I could think about was getting here and being with you. It was the worst fucking moment of my life, Sharon. I kept torturing myself and wondering what if she never wakes up, that the last contact I had with you was over some fucking stupid USB stick that I didn’t even want to give to you in the first place? And I couldn’t even tell you-”

Willam looked up as Alaska sniffed. Tears were running down her face and welling in her eyes, and Alaska used the hand that wasn’t holding Sharon’s to wipe at her nose.

“I couldn’t even tell you want I wanted to tell you- that I wanted to just put everything aside and make up with you, to stop our stupid fucking fight, to tell you that I never wanted to end things with you and that the whole thing was a horrible, stupid mistake,” Alaska sobbed, snuffling and taking a deep breath in. “And I couldn’t even tell you that I loved you- that I love you- and when I got that call I was so fucking terrified of never being able to say it to you again. Do you remember when we first said it to each other, Sharon? It was the night we went out for dinner at that Italian restaurant at like, eleven o’clock after I’d gone with you to Newsnight, and you walked me back home and we watched a film- The Other Woman- and you hated it, and you were making all these jokes about it and I was joining in and we laughed so much that when it died down and we just looked at each other I couldn’t help but say it. And you said it back right after? Why can’t we go back to the way things were? Fuck, I would have kept our relationship secret for a lifetime if it meant we could have just stayed together. In fact fuck, if it means so much Sharon, I won’t pursue the whole MP thing. You’re more important to me than my job, you’re more important to me than life. I love you more than anything or anyone I’ve ever loved in my life so please…”

Alaska took a big gulp of air. “…please, fuck, get better.”

Willam and Courtney stood in a horrible, cold silence as they watched Alaska cry quietly to herself. Suddenly, Willam gave a slight jump as Sharon’s free hand came up to her face and slowly lifted the oxygen mask to one side.

“You are becoming an MP, bitch,” she croaked hoarsely, causing Alaska’s gaze to shoot up to look at her girlfriend. “There’s no way you’re giving up on that just because I’m in a hospital bed.”

Willam choked a laugh as she looked at Alaska, her face at once shocked and relieved. She looked slightly as if she didn’t know what to do for a moment, then elected to burst out crying, bringing Sharon’s hand up to her face to kiss it over and over again. Sharon laughed- tiredly, weakly, but it was a laugh nonetheless.

“Jesus Christ, you took your time there,” Willam smiled, part of her wanting to cry in relief too.

“How long have I been out for?” Sharon asked, coughing as she sat up.

“Since about 1. It’s like, 6.15 now.”

“Shit,” she said, her voice weak.

“How are you feeling?” Courtney asked, visibly relieved too.

“Like someone’s kicked me half to death. Pain meds do shit all, I feel like shit but also incredibly high,” Sharon wheezed, then turned to Alaska. Her face softened and judging by Alaska’s reaction, she had squeezed her hand. “Hey, stranger.”

Alaska laughed through her tears. “Hey.”

Sharon smiled affectionately. “Is this all I had to do to get you back, then? Get run over?”

“Don’t,” Alaska half-laughed, half-cried, then kissed Sharon’s fingers. “Sharon, I’m so sorry. Oh my God, I was so fucking worried.”

“Yeah, I know. I heard it all. I could have said something halfway through, I just wanted you to keep saying more nice things about me,” Sharon joked, still her old self despite the tubes and drips and machines. Her expression grew dark as she turned to Courtney. “Oh, by the way. Never read me fucking any women’s magazine ever again. Hearing about Natalie Cassidy’s fucking colonoscopy was more painful than getting struck down.”

All four of the girls laughed, happy to be together with everyone conscious and cheerful all over again.

“Bianca’s been round. And people have said nice things. Trinity, Peppermint, Latrice, Max, Shea, Sasha,” Willam mentioned, thinking it would cheer Sharon up. Sharon smiled in a lazy, drugged-up-on-pain-meds way.

“God. All that in five hours? Did Bianca leave flowers?”

“No, of course not,” Alaska sighed. Then she laughed. “She stuck News 24 on.”

The girls all laughed again, this time quieter. Courtney took a deep breath and stretched. Sharon narrowed her swollen eyes at her.

“Are we boring you, Act?”

Courtney gave a smile. “Listen, I’ve been up a long time. It’s hard to squeeze a date, a trauma and a relief into one night. Slash…morning.”

“Oh yeah, how did that go?” Alaska asked pleasantly. She’d still not let go of Sharon’s hand, Willam noted with a smile.

“It was nice. We’re going to stay friends, though.”

Sharon looked at Willam meaningfully. Willam gave her a look that simply said, behave.

“Fair enough. I think me and Alaska are going to stay friends too,” Sharon smiled lazily, laughing as Alaska’s face grew bashful.

“Stop it. I’ve suffered enough,” she leaned her head over to nuzzle it into the crook of Sharon’s neck, one of the few parts of her that didn’t have wires or tubes coming in or out of it.

“I know, baby, I’m sorry.”

Alaska frowned and lifted her head off of Sharon’s shoulder momentarily. “This isn’t the broken collarbone, is it?”

Sharon laughed. “I broke a collarbone? Oh, well, fucked if I know. Everything hurts.”

Willam laughed. She stretched and yawned. Life and normal routine seemed so far away. “I think I should go home and sleep, now that I know you’re alright.”

“Me too,” Courtney said, giving a yawn that Willam could tell was fake. Why was that?

“You guys go ahead. I’m going to stay here for a while,” Alaska smiled at Sharon, the other woman returning her smile and shrugging.

“You can go home if you want, babe. I might have another snooze.”

“Well, I’ll snooze with you,” Alaska said matter-of-factly, shuffling her chair forward and resting her head on Sharon’s side. Sharon smiled and used her other hand to stroke Alaska’s hair.

Willam looked at Courtney, taking her cue to leave. She cast her gaze back to the couple. “I’ll be back when I’ve had a sleep and something to eat. Bianca might be back, just to warn you.” She wondered if she should mention the shit with Phi Phi. She decided not to.

“Oh, goody,” Sharon sighed, re-adjusting her oxygen mask so that it was over her face as a goodbye. Alaska waved sleepily to her friends and then Willam left the room, followed by Courtney. They walked down the corridor silently for a minute, neither one of them sure of what to say. Courtney’s words from earlier swirled around in Willam’s mind, and the fact that the two of them were alone together again, with so much possibility and opportunity of things that could be said, made Willam’s skin prickle in excitement and optimism.

As if she could read Willam’s mind, Courtney gave a small sigh as they both walked into the open air. She turned to face Willam and looked her in the eyes. “I know it sounds stupid, but I could really murder a glass of wine.”

“Same.”

Courtney was still looking at her. “Well, I’ve got wine at my place, if you want to come.”

Willam didn’t hesitate. “Okay. Sounds good.”

They talked about trivial things on the walk to the tube, and on the tube itself. The elephant in the room (or train carriage) was enormous and almost suffocating, and the sound of the train against the electric charges almost mirrored the electricity that seemed to run through Willam’s veins - Courtney isn’t over me, and I’m not over her.

It was almost seven o’clock in the morning by the time they got to Courtney’s flat, but the sheer adrenaline that was pumping through her heart was keeping Willam awake. As Courtney opened her front door for Willam and slipped off her shoes, Willam looked around at the small hallway. It had been around four months since she’d last been here, but nothing had changed. It was somehow reassuring to Willam. She followed Courtney into the kitchen where the other girl had pulled out two bottles of wine- an unopened red with a somewhat dusty bottle, and a half-full white with that fresh-from-the-fridge wet glaze.

“I like either, so it’s your pick,” Courtney smiled easily, making Willam wonder whether or not she was feeling the same mix of apprehension and excitement.

“Well, white’s going to make us feel less guilty about the fact we’re drinking wine when we’re normally getting ready for work,” Willam shrugged, Courtney snorting a laugh and fetching two glasses from a cupboard below her breakfast bar. She picked up the glasses in one hand and the bottle in the other and made her way through to the living room, Willam following behind her. As they slumped down on the sofas and Courtney poured the wine out, Willam sighed.

“I’m so fucking relieved she’s okay.”

Courtney looked at her, an expression on her face that Willam couldn’t make out. “I just can’t believe it all actually happened. It’s like a horrendous nightmare,” she lifted up her glass. “To Sharon being alive.”

Willam smiled lazily and echoed the sentiment. “To Sharon being alive.”

There was silence for a moment as they both took a sip, Willam watching the early morning sun bathe the skyline out of Courtney’s French doors.

“Do you think…it was deliberate?” Courtney spoke quietly, Willam looking at her only to find Courtney was looking at the view as well.

“Fuck, I don’t know. The police think so. Could be, or it could be a jittery driver with a guilty conscience who didn’t want to stop.”

Courtney nodded, then narrowed her eyes. “Didn’t the doctor say she was lucky to be alive? Ten miles an hour more and she wouldn’t have made it. If it was a main road and the car wasn’t going that fast, it kind of sounds like someone was parked waiting for her. Do you not think?”

Willam rolled her eyes. “Or it was just someone that wasn’t driving very fast.”

“On a main road like that at 1am? Willam, come on.”

Willam couldn’t help but laugh. “What is this, CSI: Sydney?”

Courtney walloped Willam on the arm, then laughed with her. She sighed. “I’ve just been sitting waiting with Alaska for so long that I’ve had all of these thoughts running around my head, but of course I couldn’t share them with her. I’m glad you came back with me.”

Willam’s heart gave a jump. She wanted to say something in response, something flirty that didn’t come on too strong, but her mind couldn’t conjure anything up.

Courtney spoke again, and Willam noticed she had that same look on her face as before. “So how come you were,” she paused the tiniest amount. “…out with Sharon anyway?”

“She suggested it. Probably thought it’d cheer us both up,” Willam shrugged, taking another sip. She noticed Courtney still hadn’t taken that look off her face. What did she want from her?

Honesty?

“Court, you should probably know. And I probably should’ve told you sooner. Me and Sharon had this whole thing when we were at uni,” Willam felt herself just coming out with it and it was like jumping out of a moving vehicle. Courtney’s expression finally relaxed.

“Okay.”

Willam picked at a stray thread on a sofa cushion. “You don’t seem surprised.”

“Because I’m not,” Courtney said plainly, taking a small sip. She paused, then added, “You always had this weird tension between you when you started. Like you really weren’t keen on her and I couldn’t see why. She always seemed as if she was walking on eggshells slightly around you. It only really seemed to go away…gosh, I don’t know when. But I always wondered why you were like that with her.”

Willam looked out at the view again. “I tried to reset my own view of the whole situation. I told anyone who asked that I knew her from uni, and that wasn’t a lie, but just not the full truth either.”

There was a small silence. Courtney leant over to top up their glasses. As she was pouring, she spoke again. Willam noticed how level and nonchalant her voice was, as if she was making a particular effort not to sound too interested. “So what was it that went on between you?”

Willam exhaled. Even after she’d talked through it all with Sharon, she still didn’t know what they’d been. “A miscommunication. She thought we were just friends that fucked, which we were. I saw it as more than that. I was a young, naive little bitch and I just got too deep in my feelings. It’s fucked, though, because the whole thing just made me so scared of relationships. Like what if it ever happened again to me and I was into it but the other person wasn’t?”

Courtney nodded understandingly. Her eyes were soft. It was scary to Willam to be telling Courtney all of this, but she didn’t seem to be scared off by it.

“Wonder how that feels, to be really, really into someone only to find out that they weren’t on your wavelength about it at all.”

“It was-” Willam started, then stopped as realisation dawned on her. She looked at Courtney, who was trying to conceal a smile. Willam laughed apologetically. “Fuck.”

Courtney gave a soft laugh, reaching out and taking Willam’s free hand. She held it gently. The gesture almost broke Willam’s heart. All at once it hit her just how badly she’d fucked up with Courtney. Only now was she realising that she had put Courtney in the exact same position that she had been in with Sharon all those years ago. Looking at Courtney’s hand, she squeezed it tightly. “Courtney, I’m sorry. I mean it.”

Courtney gave a peaceful smile. “I know you are.”

Willam smiled back. A small weight on her heart noted that she’d not been forgiven, only acknowledged, but after the past fortnight or so, acknowledgement was better than nothing.

“What was Bianca saying anyway?” Courtney continued, sipping her wine again. Willam sighed deeply.

“Well, you know that Phi Phi’s trying to politicise everything already. Bianca wants something on her party to take the heat off Sharon.”

Courtney grimaced and shook her head. She still hadn’t let go of Willam’s hand. “Jesus Christ, it’s all so messy and gross and tasteless.”

“I know, Court, but it’s our career. It was bound to happen. Politician gets hit by car, it turns political. Politician does anything, it turns political,” Willam shrugged, taking a drink. The sun was higher in the sky now and it was illuminating Courtney’s hair so beautifully.

“What are we supposed to get for her? This situation’s already stressful enough as it is.”

Willam felt herself tense up. She allowed herself to confront what she’d been pushing to the back of her mind all this time. She still had those photos on her phone of Roxxxy and Detox from all those months ago at Alyssa’s ball, and Phi Phi had recently voted against an LGBT-inclusive curriculum in secondary schools. How would the media react if she’d unknowingly voted against a policy which showed disapproval towards her own two advisors?

“I have something,” Willam stated simply, causing Courtney to sigh in relaxation.

“Thank Christ. Just give it to Bianca now and she can get out of our hair and let Sharon recover. What is it, anyway? Oil dumping in the Pacific? Foxhunting?” she laughed gently, stopping as she saw Willam’s grave face.

“Roxxxy and Detox,” she said. Courtney’s face dropped, her wine glass tipping over a little and threatening to spill. “I got photos of them at Alyssa’s ball, together. It would make Phi Phi look like a massive idiot and would take her down more than a few pegs…” Willam let all the air out of her body and looked into her glass. “…but it also outs both of her advisors.”

Courtney looked sick. “Oh God. Willam, you can’t do that.”

“I know,” she shook her head and wondered if she could voice the other horrible thought in her head. Communication could be good right now, she supposed. “Although part of me thinks why not? Fuck them, you know? They were both absolute cunts to Alaska, they work for a fucking sycophant. And I just…ugh…I really want that Number 10 job, and Bianca heavily implied that any info on this could get me it.”

She looked hesitantly for Courtney’s reaction. It turned out there were a lot of them. First, she wrinkled her nose and scrunched up her face in a brief display of disgust. Then, her expression completely dropped as if she was considering something. Finally she put her glass down, reached out to take Willam’s hand in her own, and gazed at her kindly.

“Willam,” she began. “Why do you want this job so much?”

Willam gave a choked laugh. “I mean it’s…it’s my fucking dream, Courtney. It’s all I’ve ever wanted out of life, to get to Number 10, to actually say I work there. I’ll have finally made it…and not many people can say that.”

“Okay,” Courtney nodded. Willam could tell she was listening intently. “So…you get the job at Number 10, let’s say. And what then?”

Willam blinked. “What do you mean?”

“What then? What do you aim for, what do you aspire to be after that? If that’s your life’s dream and it’s already achieved? Bill, you’re not even 30 yet,” Courtney smiled gently, tucking a piece of Willam’s layers behind her ear. “If you complete your life’s goal and you’re not even at the halfway point…what happens then?”

Willam felt completely blank. “Well, I…”

Courtney continued. “I know you don’t want to be PM, because you’re happy in the background. I know you don’t have any designs on leadership for the same reason. So what else is there?”

Willam paused and thought, trying to summon up something. “Bianca’s going to have to retire at some point.”

Courtney barked a laugh. “And what, you take her job? You take the job that consumed Bianca’s life so much she ended up getting divorced and she now lives on her own with no family? You want that life?”

Willam felt as if she’d heard Courtney’s voice catch in her throat. She was looking at her almost pleadingly, hopefully, desperate for what she deigned the right answer. Her intensity unsettled Willam. Or perhaps it was the truth in all that Courtney was saying? She’d never once reconsidered her determination to get to Number 10, never once wavered in her decision-making, because if she changed her mind about the job she’d wanted for so long, what was left?

“What do you have at Dosac? You’ve got me, you’ve got Sharon, you’ve got Alaska and the other girls. You’ve got a considerable amount of influence, you’re a big fish in a small pond. Other departments know your name, you’ve got so many opportunities. And if you change now…all that will be gone.”

Willam looked out of the windows again. The sun was now directly at her eye level. She turned back to Courtney and frowned at her. “Why are you saying all this, Court?”

Courtney looked away as if Willam’s gaze had burnt her. “I’m not trying to stop you from going after what you want, Willam. That would make me a horrific friend and an even worse person. I’m just trying to get you to be sure that it really is what you want.”

Willam’s voice caught in her throat. She looked away from Courtney, drained her glass, then placed it gently on the coffee table in front of them both.

“I should probably go home-” Willam began, making to slide off the couch, but Courtney gripped tighter to her hand. Turning, Willam saw a need in Courtney’s eyes that she’d never once experienced before.

“Stay,” she said simply. It was so quiet but so strong, and the blood in Willam’s veins was freezing and icy but pumping so rapidly like an ice cold waterfall, and she could feel her heart plummeting with it.

“Why?” Willam asked, and as soon as it left her mouth she cursed herself for it, but a part of her wanted to hear Courtney say what was on her mind. Frowning and sighing a tiny, needy sigh, Courtney gently tugged at Willam’s hand.

“I just need to be…close to you just now. Because I’ve fucking missed you.”

Willam looked at her hand in Courtney’s, then met her eyes.

Now or never.

And in one fluid movement Willam was back on the sofa, both her hands fisted and tangled in Courtney’s blonde hair, melting and moaning into a kiss full of fire that Willam wanted never to end.

***

Willam woke up in the same bed she’d woken up in in December, with the same girl she’d woken up with in December. Except the circumstances weren’t quite the same. Instead of grey skies and pouring rain, the sun that poked through the blinds was golden and warm, lighting up the room. Courtney was still in the bed, her eyes shut with her dark lashes fanned out and framing them as she slept. Probably the biggest difference, though, was that both of them were completely naked.

Sex with Courtney was every bit as amazing as Willam had imagined it would be, and she was already sorry that she couldn’t remember every single second of the entire thing in detail. She could swear that nobody else, not even Sharon, could make her feel the way Courtney had made her feel last night. She had expected it to be good and for Courtney to know what she was doing, but what she didn’t expect was for Courtney to have a mouth like a phone sex chat line girl and she had actually almost laughed in awe of the stuff she was coming out with. She didn’t know if it was the intensity of the situation that fed into it- there were so many emotions that Willam had been put through last night (or this morning, she supposed) that she had almost cried once everything was over and Courtney was holding her in her arms, but she hadn’t. She’d been calm, and happy, like her life was finally at peace. Sharon was going to be alright, and Courtney had…what? Courtney had forgiven her? Courtney liked her again? Courtney wanted to be more than her friend? She didn’t know, but she got the feeling that whatever it was was positive.

Willam wondered whether or not to wake her up but Courtney quickly solved that problem as her arm reached out to grab Willam by the waist and pull her closer, Courtney nuzzling into her side sleepily.

“Hey,” she murmured through a yawn, kissing Willam’s skin and making her feel as if she was 19 years old with a melting, gooey heart all over again.

“G’morning,” Willam smiled, rubbing her eyes then remembering she hadn’t taken off any of her makeup from the night before. “Did you sleep okay?”

“Mm. Always sleep like a baby after sex, I think it’s some weird nympho-narcoleptic thing I need to see a doctor about.”

Willam’s heart hammered in her chest and instantly woke her up more. “So we’re just coming out and addressing that that happened immediately?”

Courtney hurriedly sat up in bed and looked her in the eye, exasperation on her face. She’d foregone pulling the duvet up to cover herself and her boobs were fully out. “Uh, we’re both stark bollock naked, dipshit. How much more addressing of the situation could there be?”

“Yeah I know, fuckhead!” Willam snapped, a laugh bubbling in her throat. “I just don’t…I don’t know what this means now? Like what are we?”

Courtney half-laughed, half-sighed then pulled a pillow over her face and yelled into it. “Fuck! I don’t know, Willam, okay?”

Willam was smiling, but she simultaneously felt as if she was hanging by a thread. She watched as Courtney pulled the pillow off her face then rolled over and pulled her close.

“Cards on the table, I really fucking like you. I’ve never stopped liking you. I care about you, and I want to see you do well, and I like us when we’re together. We just work, we fit. We squabble at times, but it’s never malicious. But this job…it’s a bitch, and I don’t want us ending up having to hide away or have our lives ruined by it like Sharon and Alaska. So I don’t…” Courtney sighed. Willam could see her pulse thudding rapidly under her skin by her wrist. “I don’t want to label us just now. I’m scared to. But can we just…can we at least be exclusive? Because I don’t want to share you with anyone else.”

Willam smiled and rolled her eyes. “As if I’d fucking want anyone else.”

Courtney nuzzled her head into Willam’s side, and Willam cast her eyes to the sun coming in through the blinds. She blinked quickly three times. “No, that sounds good. Exclusive but with no labels. I can do that. Does this mean I’m forgiven?”

“For what?” Courtney kissed Willam’s temple.

“For being a cunt to you.”

“You were a cunt to me?” Courtney pulled away, frowning. “Now that doesn’t sound like Willam Belli at all.”

Willam took that as a yes.

“No more games,” Courtney said quietly, gently stroking the palm of Willam’s hand with her finger.

“No more games,” Willam agreed.

It was 2 o’clock by the time they got back to the hospital to see Sharon, after they’d showered, dressed (Willam borrowing Courtney’s clothes again), had some breakfast and got the two tubes over. It was an unspoken plan- they hadn’t talked about whether they should stay at the flat, or go visit Sharon, or even go into work. There was only one place they really needed to be today. They’d talked and chatted and laughed just as they used to, but without any awkward tension and with extra added hand holding and light knuckle and cheek kisses. They’d wondered out loud whether it had been in poor taste to fuck within the 24 hours that they’d found out Sharon had been hit by a car, before deciding that it was probably what Sharon would have wanted and endorsed anyway.

When they arrived at Sharon’s ward, it was as if nothing had changed at all- Alaska seemingly hadn’t moved from her seat and was still sitting in it facing Sharon in her Winnie the Pooh pyjamas, while the other woman was still in bed but was propped up with pillows and had her oxygen mask on. She had a loving, dreamy look on her face and seemed to be listening to Alaska talk when Courtney and Willam arrived. Alaska turned around excitedly when they came in.

“Morning,” Willam smiled, moving to hug Alaska tightly and then Sharon markedly less so, in case Willam accidentally pulled a wire out. “Or afternoon, or whatever the fuck time it is.”

“Hey,” Sharon took her mask off and smiled gently.

“How are you feeling, Sharon?” Courtney asked as she took her turn to hug her.

“I’m holding up okay. I had a big sleep when you two left, woke up at like 9. Then me and Alaska had a massive chat which took about an hour and exhausted me, so I had a nap again. Woke up about an hour ago and Alaska had stuck on the news. It’s weird seeing myself on the news in a capacity which isn’t politics. I’m not in the mood for a lot of talking so Alaska’s just been telling me about her leadership campaign,” Sharon gestured to Alaska’s happy, excited face and smiled fondly. “Christ, she looks like she’s about to explode. I fucking love this girl so much.”

Willam made a vomiting sound as she pulled up a chair beside Alaska. “Gross. So your big chat. Did you both grow up and say sorry to each other?”

Willam saw Alaska squeeze Sharon’s hand. “Of course we fucking did. That was the first thing we said. Then we basically just cried and talked about how much we loved each other for the next 59 minutes.”

Courtney laughed, and Alaska gave a small giggle then shook her head as she looked at Sharon. “No, joking. Well, we did do that. But we also spoke about career stuff- what we wanted in the next five years, what we need to do to get there.”

“It’s doable for what we both want. We just need to support each other, make it two sided and communicate. I know that now,” Sharon piped up, smiling at Alaska as if it was for her benefit and not Courtney and Willam’s.

“Well, I’m glad you two have made up,” Courtney smiled softly, moving to perch on Willam’s knee in the absence of a chair. Willam pulled her close. She didn’t miss the look that passed between Alaska and Sharon.

“Um, on the topic of making up…” Alaska raised an eyebrow and looked pointedly at them both. “…what is this?”

“Courtney sitting on my lap?” Willam said sarcastically, resting her head on Courtney’s back.

“Yes…” Sharon said, waving a tubed-up hand to prompt more. “So…?”

“So…what?” Courtney asked, just as deadpan as Willam had been, and she loved her for it.

“Oh fuck, put a dying woman out of her misery!” Sharon coughed out in exasperation, earning her a furious look and a gentle smack from Alaska.

“DON’T joke about that!” she glared at her for all of two seconds, before she took her hand and turned back to Courtney and Willam. “But seriously guys, Sharon’s only got one properly working lung, can you just give us the information that we both already know but want to scream like babies at when it comes from you?”

Courtney turned and looked at Willam, suddenly embarrassed. Willam gave her a squeeze and spoke for her. “Well, we’re going to disappoint you, because we’re not girlfriends. We can’t all fall in love with our work friends and go balls-deep into a relationship. But no, we’re just…”

“We like each other, and we’re exclusive, and we’re going to take it a day at a time,” Courtney finished, Alaska giving a small, excited squeal. Sharon smiled and rolled her eyes.

“Bo-ring! I want to know if you’ve banged yet.”

“Yeah, we did,” Courtney shrugged, Willam completely shocked at her blasé display of honesty but also too tired to care much. Sharon let out a loud cheer, then immediately started coughing violently in a sobering display that reminded the girls why they were all together in the first place. Seeing Alaska’s concerned face, Sharon frowned.

“I’m fine, it’s okay,” she wheezed, waving a dismissive hand. “Don’t worry. Just coughing up pieces of old lung, they say the new one should grow back within 3-5 working days.”

Alaska snorted. Willam laughed and shook her head. “You’re so fucking unfunny it hurts.”

Sharon shrugged. “Blame the pain meds, I’ve been popping them like Smints.”

They chatted quietly after that, the four of them just enjoying each other’s’ company without having to talk about work or politics or anything like that. Often Alaska would talk for Sharon, the other woman wearing her oxygen mask and resting. Alaska had phoned Jinkx and texted the comms girls to fill them in on what had happened, after they all basically woke up, saw the headlines and immediately fired off about fifty texts to Alaska, Courtney and Willam (none of which Willam saw, her phone having long since died.). Sharon was annoyed that Jinkx wouldn’t honour her request to bring in her work laptop so she could work from her hospital bed, a request which all three advisors were glad she’d shut down. They were all going to pop in at some point in the evening to visit, Adore and Katya promising to bring what they’d termed as “huge, inconvenient, inflatable balloons”. Willam had told Sharon about the Phi Phi incident, Sharon rolling her eyes almost to the back of her head but refusing to allow herself to get worked up over it.

“That’s a point, actually,” she said, sitting up in bed and wincing slightly at some unseen pain. “Didn’t you say Bianca would be visiting me soon? She’s not been in.”

“Well, she still has to oversee all the other departments. Maybe something’s happened with them?” Courtney offered, Sharon shrugging and conceding.

Around ten minutes later, they had their answer. Bianca came in to Sharon’s room dressed in her usual work attire, ironically all in black. Her face was serious but she had a small, kind smile, and was holding a box of Guiylan pralines.

“Christ, Bianca, I’ve not died,” Sharon laughed by way of a greeting, as Bianca cracked a rare, genuine smile and handed her the chocolates.

“Shut it. Some of us still have to go to work. How are you?”

“Sore.”

“That’s crap, I’m sorry. And I’m sorry I didn’t swing by earlier. I’ve been at Number 10, I’ve been with the police, I’ve been into Dosac. This might be a bit of good news for you,” she said, addressing the room this time. “The police have apprehended a guy. Old woman who lives in the area had CCTV outside her flat. She came forward with footage of a car going well beyond the speed limit. Matches the time that the whole thing happened. They were able to get a number plate from it and traced it back to the fucker.”

Willam was in shock. She had no idea it would all happen so quickly. Looking at Bianca closely, she could see how puffy her eyes were and how her dark circles had been concealed with foundation, and how much her hands were shaking. It hit her how hard Bianca must have been working to help the police catch whoever had done this to Sharon.

“Thank you, Bianca,” she said, her voice coming out way more emotional than she’d meant it to. Bianca turned to her in surprise, as if she was taken aback slightly.

“Well, I mean, don’t thank me. The police did all the work. They’ll be in to question you, Sharon, but once you’re feeling a bit better. Maybe this evening, or tomorrow.”

“Oh, great. Reliving the moment a car hit me in all its horrifying detail, with the greatest hits of poison pen letters as a follow-up. All my fucky stars have come at once,” Sharon said. Her breathing was becoming laboured, so she put her oxygen mask back on.

“Just keep the damn thing on, you’ve had it off and on like a fucking lightswitch the entire time you’ve been awake,” Alaska chastised her, tucking the hospital blanket in around Sharon. “I’ll maybe see if there’s some way Jinkx can bring in your duvet.”

“You could always go get it for her,” Courtney suggested, Alaska laughing at the ridiculous suggestion.

“Yeah, good one Court, like I’m going to leave her side until she’s discharged.”

Bianca watched the whole exchange carefully, then opened her mouth. “So I take it…that you’re back together.”

Alaska looked at Sharon and nodded.

“You understand that I’m absolutely livid at the pair of you for ever beginning this in the first place and that if it had even got into the media you would have been out of a job?” Bianca said, pointing to Alaska. Alaska blinked and gave a small shrug.

“She would have been worth it,” she said, Willam noticing how Sharon squeezed Alaska’s hand. Bianca fake-gagged.

“Yes, well, in any case, I’m hearing you’ve got plans to stand in the by-election? Is that still happening?” Bianca asked. “Because if it is, then it would make my life a lot easier. There’s not nearly as many implications. In fact you could probably put you two into the public eye. Might be good for the party.”

Sharon wheezed a laugh and Alaska suppressed a smile. “God. Our relationship is literally politically correct. But yeah, I am standing. It’d be good to get some tips from you about that, actually.”

Bianca checked her phone as she spoke. “You don’t need tips. I’ll get you the support you need. Might as well start considering yourself an MP.”

Alaska smiled happily, bringing Sharon’s hand up to her face and kissing it in excitement.

“Although that does mean a position opening up at Dosac. Got anyone in mind, Sharon?”

Sharon sighed exasperatedly, ripping off her mask and gesturing to all her tubes and wires. “Funnily enough, no, I’ve been too busy being a human fucking colander!”

Willam smiled at Sharon knowingly. “I’ve got someone in mind. She’s young, and a bit fucking useless at the moment, but we could train her up. She’s got potential.”

“Well, that seems sorted,” Bianca shrugged. “Right, I’m going to have to make tracks. Flying visit. One of Trinity Taylor’s one night stands has gone to Closer magazine and we can’t risk that getting into the press. But take care, okay?”

Sharon waved a hand. “Thank you, Bianca.”

“No problem. See you later. Willam, can I borrow you for a second?”

Willam’s heart sank as she followed Bianca out of the room. She knew that Bianca was going to ask her if she had anything on Phi Phi. She knew that the photos were still in her phone, burning a hole in her pocket. She knew that Courtney didn’t want her to take the job at Number 10. She knew that her and Courtney weren’t at all official yet.

What she didn’t know was what she was going to do.

They stood at the side of the corridor beside the glass outside Sharon’s room, doctors and nurses hurrying past and completely oblivious to Willam about to make one of the biggest decisions of her life.

“So,” Bianca opened. “If you’ve got anything for me, now is the time to say, because the right-wing media are starting to lap up Phi Phi’s bullshit pretty fucking quickly. It would take a lot of the heat off Sharon if we could just…bury her.”

Willam felt pained. She had completely forgotten about the implications this would have for Sharon.

“So anything at all would be a saving grace,” Bianca finished, looking Willam in the eye and almost triggering a fight or flight response in her.

What would Courtney want her to do? What would Bianca want her to do?

What would Sharon want her to do?

“Um,” Willam swallowed. Her throat was completely dry. “You know, it’s been a rough 24 hours…I haven’t really managed to find anything.” Bianca looked visibly disappointed. “Sorry, Bianca.”

The other woman nodded understandingly. “That’s okay. It has been a rough time. Thank you for looking after her, Willam.”

Willam gave a small smile and without knowing what possessed her, she was speaking again. “Also, Bianca…take me out of the running for the Number 10 job.”

This was the first time Willam had ever seen Bianca look legitimately shocked in her life. Bianca always knew what was going on, she was always so plugged in and in the loop, there was so rarely anything that she didn’t know. So this information was clearly a bombshell. “I mean. I can, but I would also be asking why in the fuck would you want me to do that?”

Willam sighed. “I’m still young. There’ll be other chances to work there and besides, there’s other stuff I want to focus on right now. There’s more to life than politics, I guess.”

Bianca gave a harsh laugh. “Life is politics, Willam.”

“Your life, maybe.”

“Yeah, well,” Bianca exhaled. She had a faraway look in her eyes. “I suppose you’re right about that.”

Willam suddenly heard Courtney laugh through the glass and she involuntarily smiled. She looked back at Bianca, who was looking through the glass.

“Is this because of her?”

Willam looked back at the glass, then cocked her head. “Sort of. It’s for me first, and her second. People spend so much of their lives wishing for better, focusing so much on the future or on the past. Like…what’s wrong with what we have now? You know? Appreciate what you’ve got. Change is good. Except if it’s not. I don’t know, fuck, I’m so tired.”

Bianca nodded slowly, a tiny frown still present on her face. “You’re sure this is what you want?”

“Honestly, no,” Willam laughed. “But I’m sure I want things to stay as they are, for now. There’s going to be so much change in Dosac. It would be nice for me to stay a constant.”

Bianca gave a small sigh. “Well, I won’t say I’m not disappointed. But good for you, Willam.”

Willam shifted her weight from one foot to the other. “I’ll see you, Bianca.”

“See you, Willam.”

As Bianca walked away, Willam thought it was the first time she’d ever seen her look genuinely gutted. It made her feel slightly proud of herself, though she had no idea why. Watching her until she was out of sight, Willam turned back and went back into Sharon’s room.

“Back,” she said. Sharon looked up at her, puzzled.

“What was that all about?” she frowned.

“Wanted to know if I had anything we could use on Phi Phi.”

“And did you?”

Willam looked at Courtney, who seemed frozen. She paused. “No. No, of course I didn’t. Been too busy making sure your dumb fucking roadkill ass is okay, haven’t I?”

As Sharon and Alaska laughed, Willam watched as Courtney’s face lit up. She crossed the room and wrapped her arms around Willam in a hug. She didn’t say anything. She didn’t have to.

“Willam, I’ve been meaning to say. Thank you. For phoning the ambulance,” Sharon said, suddenly serious. Her voice was quiet and her face grave.

Willam reached out and touched her leg lightly. “That’s what best friends do.”

Sharon smiled in gratitude, then gave a yawn. “Sorry to be boring, but I think I need to sleep again.”

“Well, we’ll leave,” Courtney smiled, her voice gentle. “I kind of want to go for a walk round the park. It’s such a nice day. You fancy joining us, Lask?”

Willam barely had time to bask in the use of “us” before Alaska rolled her eyes.

“What part of I’m-not-leaving-Sharon’s-side do you not understand? Go,” she smirked, looking at Willam and Courtney hand in hand. “Be cute and gross.”

Willam smiled at Courtney sheepishly, and Courtney smiled back. She turned back to the other couple in the room. “We’ll be back around dinnertime. Want us to bring you anything?”

“Ugh, a Wasabi please. Lunch was mush, with mashed mush, on a bed of mush. It’s enough to turn me vegetarian,” Sharon shook her head before laying down on her pillow and closing her eyes. “Thanks for coming in. See you later, guys.”

“See you both,” Courtney smied, waving at Alaska as she opened the door and Willam following behind her. Once they were out the room, they had taken a few steps down the corridor before Courtney spoke again. “I’m proud of you.”

“Thanks,” Willam said as she pressed the button for the lift. She wondered if she should say any more, but thanks was enough, and she decided to leave it. “So. Park then home, then back to see Sharon?”

“Home,” Courtney gave a little smile as she looked at Willam. “Home sounds nice.”

And as the lift doors closed leaving them both sealed up together going down towards the bright Spring day outside, Willam had to agree.

***

Willam woke up in the same bed she’d woken up in in December, and in April, with the same girl she’d woken up with in December and April. Except the circumstances weren’t quite the same. Firstly, Courtney was out of bed before her, and Willam could hear her battering and clanging around in their kitchen together (their kitchen, Willam thought fondly to herself, it would never get old to say their like that). Second, Willam didn’t have any inner turmoil or panicked thoughts or insecurities running around her mind. She was peaceful and calm, and life was good. Sure, Sharon had a fucker of a TV debate coming up the next day, and Willam was afraid that her ribs might re-break at the sheer force with which she was going to shout at Phi Phi O’Hara, but apart from that everything was all just fine. She hadn’t felt this calm in forever. In fact, no, that was a lie. She’d woken up feeling this calm every single day for the past two months since the day she and Courtney walked out of that lift together. Sure, there were one or two blips- the day she’d asked Courtney to be her girlfriend she had woken up completely convinced she was having a heart attack- but that aside, she’d never felt this content.

“Bill!” came a voice from the kitchen. “Put it on!”

Willam sat up, groaned, and rubbed her eyes sleepily. “What channel?”

A frustrated sigh. “It’s Sunday fucking Politics, you know what channel!!”

Laughing, Willam fumbled for the remote on her bedside table, in danger of knocking over many half-empty cups of coffee, and switched the TV on. She hadn’t needed to find the channel as the TV immediately showed her what they were both looking for- Alaska Thunder, MP for West Central London, the first MP to take the seat from Phi Phi O’Hara’s party in 12 years, in her biggest TV interview so far.

“Court, it’s started!” Willam shouted through, hearing a thunder of footsteps in response. Soon enough her girlfriend, her beautiful, tiny, blonde koala girlfriend, emerged from the hallway in her huge flannel Snoopy pyjamas holding two cups of coffee.

“Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit,” she was saying, reaching over and almost spilling half the coffee on the bright white bedsheets as she half-handed, half-threw it to Willam. “I said to you it bloody started at 5 past 10, and you took the piss out of me!”

“No I fucking didn’t!” Willam cried incredulously, laughing.

“Yes you so did! Meh Courtney, why would a programme start at five past ten that’s such an awkward time, meh meh meh why do you think it’s going to start then, is it because of the time delay? Is it because you’re Australian? Mehhh,” Courtney imitated Willam. Willam went to retort but was immediately shushed by her girlfriend.

“Shut up! I don’t want to miss any more.”

Raja Gemini was asking Alaska a question, and she had her don’t-fuck-with-me face on. “Alaska Thunder, what I’d most like to know is- why were you so strongly in favour of the incarceration of young offenders until last week, when your fiancé Sharon Needles came out in support of rehabilitation? Is this what we can expect from you as an MP, to simply agree with everything your fiancé says?”

“That bitch.”

“Shut up!”

Alaska’s face was calm and amused. “No not at all, Raja, see my change of heart was based on a consultation I had with the Minister for Justice Sasha Coulee-Velour, where she actually presented me with lots of facts and figures as to why rehabilitation produces better results and contributes to a reduction of repeat offenders in society. I then conducted a focus group who pretty much agreed with the Minister, so I have decided to back what is clearly the more well-researched opinion.”

“But isn’t it true that Sharon Needles has held no such focus groups and has point-blank refused to listen to any opposing opinion on the other side? How must that translate to the public?”

Alaska smirked and narrowed her eyes. “I don’t know, Raja. If you wanted to ask that question you should have invited her onto your show. You asked for me, you’ve got me, and now you’re asking me about my fiancé? Is this Hello magazine or Sunday Politics?”

Courtney threw her hands up in the air and cheered. “Finish her, Lask!”

Just then, Willam’s phone buzzed. It was a message from Sharon. Willam knew she had taken the morning off to go into the studio and watch Alaska do the interview and was probably hiding behind the cameramen as Alaska and Raja spoke.

S: i say, that’s my baby and i’m really proud

Willam snorted, holding her phone up to show Courtney who laughed in response.

“Fucking hell, who keeps introducing her to memes?” she sighed, pouting as she looked to the TV and saw the interview was coming to a close. “Oh fuck, we missed pretty much the whole thing!”

Willam pulled her into a hug. “Doesn’t matter. We saw the best bit. There’ll be more interviews where that came from. I think Alaska’s making quite the splash.”

“I wouldn’t expect anything less,” Courtney smiled, sipping her coffee then sliding off the bed. “What’s our plan for today? We’re meeting Katya and Trixie for lunch, then Adore’s joining for drinks. She said she might bring her girlfriend along!”

“Oh, Aja?” Willam asked, scrolling her phone lazily. “That’s good, she seems nice.”

“Well, I’m going to shower if you need in before me?” Courtney offered, unhooking her towel from the back of their bedroom door.

“Nah, no need. I always just piss in your charcoal water. You’d never taste the difference,” Willam deadpanned, smiling as she watched Courtney laugh and throw a makeup sponge at her from the door.

Courtney was so beautiful, even in her old pyjamas and with her hair hanging messily over her shoulders. Her smile did something to Willam, something she’d never felt before and never wanted to stop feeling ever again. What was the something? Suddenly, it was as if Willam had been struck by a lightning bolt. She knew, but she couldn’t possibly tell her. Not today and not now. It was far too soon, surely?

Then a little voice in her head whispered to her. No more games.

Willam’s voice stopped her just as she was about to leave the room.

“Hey, Courtney?”

[kfs1001]

I love his term. I have a couple of these and yes I would agree with the definition. 

My squirrel friends are not my besties and warrant only partial access to the secrets of my life. Now, to me this means you trust them but there is still something about the person(s) which makes you not want upzip yourself and reveal my deepest, darkest and move personal secrets. 

In the context of C and W, this statement speaks volumes. It tells us C sees W as a confidant but someone he does not share his deepest self with. However, C trusts W enough to handle day to day aspects of his life with confidence and that W regards C’s privacy with care.I would never call my husband or my bestie(s) a squirrel friend because it is a downgrade in the level of trust and emotion. 

It has been rumoured, and LM had even commented to the fact, W is C’s personal assistant. Such a profession would place him into a position equal to a squirrel friend meaning he would definitely know the truth. 

Being acknowledged as a secret weapon speaks volumes. Secret weapon for what? Well we can guess but we really do not know. My guess is he is C’s secret weapon in his endeavour to keep his true relationship private. W is a cover-date and someone to be seen on outing where C may be publicly in contact with his real love or to keep up appearances.

At E/lton’s OSCAR party with D present, from what I saw, W did not act as I would expect a significate other would. To me, it looked as if C and W kept a respectful distance from each other with C leaning into and laughed more with AF than W. Mind you, C and W could have been holding hands under the table. Many gay men will do that in a public outing surrounded by people they do not know to protect themselves but still remain connected to their lovers. However, C was at a table with friends and former cast mates (who certainly know the truth)  hosted by a very openly married gay man in at a openly gay friendly event. In stark contrast a woman wrapped herself around D as if she marked her property. Oh, this tells you much, but then you have to believe the PR. Do we? Really?

My take is W started out as a PA and perhaps a bodyguard. Over time, and with the wild exploits of a certain woman attached (literally) to C’s true love, W’s role morphed into what it is now. Yes, he remains a PA and trophy boyfriend who is hauled out on occasion to keep up the impression of the two men being in a relationship.I happen to like this low key approach. It is not in your face like D’s over-the-top and out of control beard. W is used strategically and then he slips  quietly into the background. 

W has made comments which can be construed as homophobic, which makes me doubt there is a true romantic relationship with C. If I was C I would have admonished him for the perceived meaning and it may very well have happened. Some obvious rough spots aside, I have always believed C and W are friends both professionally and personally. 

If W is indeed C’s squirrel friend he knows damn well that C’s lover comes home (barring his crazy schedule) every night. This means (an assumption) W interacts with the man C truly adores and loves. The fact you do not see (to the best of my knowledge) W trying to undermine C the way a certain woman claws at D, tells me he accepts or at least knows not to rock the boat. 

Now -- as a side note -- this tells me C’s team works for C and as for D, the antics speak for themselves.

Images and video of C and W together reveals they have fun with each other which points to once more to bring friends. Having AF is in the picture so often leaves me thinking of her as a chaperon, but then, we all know AF is one of C’s besties. You only need to see the three of them together -- W seems to be just occupying spaces while C laughs with his bestie. Hmmmm?

Anyhow, I can respect W for the manner in which he handles himself. He is doing what he must and, for the most part, tries to behave himself. This leaved me with an opinion W must have a life behind the illusion which he is content with. You cannot say that about D’s in-your-face beard. 

Regardless of my speculations and in my opinion, C and W have a friendship which is refreshingly different than the publicity seeking side show following D around.

I will, however stand behind what I have said before. We do not know the real truth and may never know it. We base our thoughts and assumptions on the evidence we have at hand and faith and in the end it is up the readers of these blogs to make up there own minds. 

This said, I believe D and C are in a committed and loving relationship. They are soulmate and soul lovers who are surviving and thriving under circumstances which will drive most couples apart. This brings the strength to endure and find a greater lover in each other. 

[thepuckishrogue]

Not me being so 2000-and late with this lol.

As per usual, review/spoilers under the cut!

Omg, are Kiri and T-Squared cousins? Love that for them!!

But oh, to be a college student again, studying with my favorite hard boy *le sigh* Kats tutoring his bestie to keep him from getting benched is such a him thing lol. ((also he doesn’t want to see his friend fail ofc, but still like a good 76% is ‘we’re not gonna be down a goalie’ lmao)) But of course he’s gonna do good in the psych classes—wait, pause. You know, I just realized how dangerous Kiri with a psych degree is, like… Dude’s already naturally good at reading people and their moods, so to add actual training to that?? Father god lmao…

Eijiro lifted his head, the page of his textbook clinging to his forehead. Oh GOD I remember that vibe. Never had it with English classes since I actually liked those, but math and statistics and the like? Bane of my gd existence >.<

Dude, I need a new bookshelf too! Yes, let’s get on that good Ikea shit, bro. Is it wrong that I low-key wanna see Kiri flip his shit over some poorly worded, really obscure instructions now? But as someone who can technically ice skate, I still feel Reader!me’s pain; like taking any potential embarrassment out of the falling bit, I’m so scared that I’ll lose my fingers to a freak accident, i.e. someone skating over them after I’ve fallen—I KNOW, it’s irrational af, but it’s how I feel lmao. But how’s a girl supposed to say no when she’s got this big puppy of a man making doe eyes at her??

Man, this really made me miss my university’s library. It was so big and quiet and all the staff were so nice and the chairs were so comfortable. I think I got more sleep in there on some days than I did in my own damn dorm freshman year ((my roomie was, in a word, terrible)). But aww, mans was trying, tho not gonna lie I probably would’ve bodied his ass too if he was walking around my apt. at crackhead hours reciting fucking Oscar Wilde, like take yo thick ass to sleep ffs lmao.

!!! Can we just talk about how cute the nickname ‘Squeaks’ is?? Kats is still an asshole for nearly evicting my soul from my body, but yeah lol.

More big man with smol child, brain goes brrr as usual. More tonight at 10.

Mina and Sero abandoning me on the ice has the same vibes of when your friends take you to the party of a friend from their other group of friends and then leaves you to hang with said friends ((how many times can I insert the word ‘friend’ into a single sentence lol)). Hell it may even be worst since you can’t dip as readily >.> And it gets worse with addition of a surprise Monoma lmao—which can I say, Monoma and Dinks being step bros is so funny to me like… RIP to them both because you just know they’ll drive each other nuts with their pettiness. Thankfully Kats steps in before I have to figure out a way to roundhouse a mf on ice when I can barely stand on it lol.

“I dunno why Hana latches onto me, but she has since she was a baby.”—Uhh, because the kid has excellent taste?? Lol. But seriously tho, you cannot convince me that this dude’s not a kid magnet. He just gives off those good big brother vibes; v. fun, v. safe, we stan.

Gotta love having a cute lil spin around the rink with your even cuter friend only for you to both end up busting yo asses lol. Big-ups to best boy for taking the brunt of the fall even tho it was like 90% his fault, imo >.> But UGH. He’s so cute I can’t even be too mad at him; gdi, dude’s too powerful >.< (also loving the background Mirio and Tama, my sunshine bby loves ;n;)

Omg, I wanna do karaoke with Dinks so bad!! I can’t sing for shit, but that’s the world’s problem lmao. I can totally see doing a duet of something like, fucking… idk, “Total Eclipse of the Heart” and fighting over who gets to do Bonnie Tyler’s part and who has to sing backup. Friendship goals, truly.

Brb—gonna go cry over Kendo for a bit. Loved her in the series and I still love her here! My heart really goes out to her, that’s a tough situation ;n; And that she still does what she can to look after us/help us out? Extra most bestest girl, 10000/10—would maim for her.

Oh no, Mr. Off-Brand Tender App is giving me fuckboi vibes—oh, because he is. Just say you’re DTF, take that L, and go, please. And now Reader’s having a panic attack. Please tell me this fucker really did give us an addy, because like all it takes is a bottle of baby oil and a belt and you can absolutely ruin a mf’s whole day, or so the movies would have me to believe lol…

((Also I know I’m probably reaching buuuuut—what if dating app dude and creepy club dude are one and the same??? I know it’s prolly not, but like they both got that hella creepy, hella entitled fuckboi energy, so…))

Oh Kiri, you truly are the best of us. Yes, sometimes a distraction is what is really needed at the time. Pressuring someone to talk before they’re ready oftentimes makes things worst and can fracture their trust in you; ofc between his natural intuition and his field of study he knows this, and gosh it’s just so nice to see someone being supportive in such an understated way. Not everything needs to be fixed right then and there, sometimes ya just gotta build that bookshelf, yanno?

I know you said you were a bit iffy on this ch. but it was perfectly fine, imo, for whatever that’s worth. I very much enjoyed it and can’t wait to see where the story takes us next!!

Breaking Point - On Ice

Pairing: Hockey Player Eijiro Kirishima x F!Reader

Warnings: Minors DNI, Panic Attacks, Fatfobic Comments, Badgering, Swearing

Contains: Struggles with trauma in the form of panic attacks, fluffy moments thrown in though too! As the pairing suggests, Kiri is a hockey player, reader is also plus size.

Summary: When Kirishima finds out you've never tried ice skating he insists you come to the hockey team's fundraiser at the rink.

Word Count: 4,601

A/N: This is part three in the Breaking Point series. I did make a mistake in the posting of part 2, all main characters are at least sophomores in college, not juniors. Friendly reminder this is a quirkless AU. I hope you enjoy getting some more background here.

Other Parts:

Breaking Point - Part One - Locked Out

Breaking Point - Part Two - Intimacy

Breaking Point - Part ? - Do More (This is just out-of-order smut for the time being)

Eijiro lay on the floor of your bedroom, flat on his stomach, with a pen between his teeth. You were situated on your bed, back against the wall, while textbooks and notepads surrounded you when you heard a thump.

Eijiro's head now atop his own binder, the pages muffling his aggravation, "'M gonna fail!"

"You are not. Don't be so dramatic!"

Over the last month, you really had become friends with the red-headed giant who you'd let use your shower on a whim. Of course, it helped a little that he'd been childhood friends with your roommate and also happened to be the cousin of her boyfriend.

There was also the fact that you had four classes together. Eijiro excelled in your psychology classes, understood the material with ease! It was the core classes that were giving him trouble. English Lit and Calc specifically. Katsuki, his best friend with the shortest temper of anyone you'd ever met, had taken up tutoring him in calculus even if it was for mildly selfish reasons. If his grade slipped any lower, he stood a chance of being benched for the hockey season and Captain Katsuki wasn't standing a chance of their best goalie not being able to play.

That just left English Lit which, you took last semester, and remembered the material pretty well. Enough to help him study and get a decent grade at least. That didn't mean Eijiro liked it though, still struggled despite trying his damndest.

You cleared a path and leaned over the edge of the bed, "Gotta move your head, big guy. I don't have superpowers, can't see through it." Eijiro lifted his head, the page of his textbook clinging to his forehead. "It just wants you to write a synopsis of the last five chapters, 1K minimum. Why are you gonna fail?"

"'Cause for the life of me I can't stay focused on it!" He rolled onto his back. "Don't know how you can read so much and like it." His eyes scanned over the five shelves that made up one of the walls in your bedroom, each filled to the point you had to start stacking piles of books on the floor in front of them. "I think you need another shelf."

You pointed to the box in your closet, already way ahead of him. "It's taller than the others and heavy as hell. I'm just waiting for Suka to get time to help me."

"Hello! You coulda asked me!"

He had a point, you could have, it just hadn't crossed your mind.

"I've got this hockey thing tonight and then practice tomorrow but I could stop by after and help you put it together."

"Sure, thanks! I have- you know, never mind, just come by when it's done."

You were supposed to have a date, nothing series, just a meet-up off an app. Nothing you couldn't reschedule or just cancel if you had to. They wanted you to come to their birthday celebration at a bar anyways... it certainly didn't feel very date-like.

"Great!"

"But, you know you actually have to finish this paper..."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. Gotta reread the chapters first though and hopefully remember enough of it." He started gathering his things, "I'll try again after this thing tonight. Unless you feel like coming to this fundraiser thing tonight with me and we can keep studying there."

You thanked him but, "I can't skate anyways, I don't think adding studying to the mix would be safe."

Eijiro dropped his books, "You what?"

"Yeah, I can't skate."

"You've always just said you didn't wanna go on open skate nights with us! How've I been friends with you this long and not known you couldn't skate!"

You shrugged, "I dunno. Not like it really comes up..."

"Please come tonight." His elbows rested on the edge of your bed, big eyes pleading with you.

"Why? So you can watch as I fall on my ass?"

"I mean, you probably will but who hasn't! I fall so much! Plus, you can be entertained by Kami singing terrible karaoke!"

You did like watching Denki's performances... "What if I just show up at the rink and not skate? I'll be happy to come and show my support!"

His eyebrows dropped. "You've gotta try it. Please, Y/N. If you hate it, I'll drop it forever."

"Fine. Only if you promise you'll read two chapters when you get home AND text me about them so you can remember what you read. Do we have a deal?"

He gave a rather indignant sigh but finally accepted your terms.

You agreed to meet at the rink around 8, giving you enough time to make a pit stop at the library before going. Eijiro made a point to remind you to wear something warm but that you could still move easily in, and thick socks. That was a very important point he was driving home.

A part of you wished Itsuka was going, wanting the comfort of your best friend around but you knew she had to check in on her brother back home as well as her grandfather. The nursing home made things easier in some ways and yet harder in so many others.

So, you grabbed something to eat, threw on a hoodie and a thicker pair of black leggings, and dug out a pair of black cotton gloves just in case, stuffing them into your bag for now, and proceeded to lock up for the evening.

>>><<<

The library was on the way to the ice complex. A massive ten-story tall building with an art gallery taking up two of the floors. You loved this place. Becoming very acquainted with its walls during your freshman year. The only place quiet enough for you to study.

You nodded at the woman on duty at the circulation desk. Showing you the school idea even though she knew who you were and headed right for the elevators to take you up to the sixth floor, straight to the section that contained books of philosophical fiction.

At home, on your second bookshelf from the right to be exact, you had your own copy of The Picture of Dorian Grey but, Eijiro's class was reading the version that consisted of twenty chapters rather than your book's thirteen. You scanned the shelf and were in luck, plucking the book and heading right back to the elevator.

"Are you taking English Lit over again?"

It always amazed you the way the woman at the desk remembered faces. Hundreds of people had to come through this library on a daily basis and yet she could recall names and classes with seemingly no effort at all.

"No, not exactly, a friend of mine is though and he's struggling a bit. Just wanna freshen upon it."

"What a good person you are! Your friend better consider himself a lucky man." She scanned the book, reminded you of the three you still had checked out, and bid you a good weekend.

>>><<<

For a fundraising event, there weren't too many people present at the ice complex, even the overall team's members seemed to be lacking. Not that the school had that big of a hockey team to begin with. Itsuka told you how it started off as a club just last year with only six members, just enough to form a team. At least now their numbers had tripled.

You could hear music pouring out of the rink as well as chatter and laughter.

You pushed open the door happy to see some familiar faces. "Hey! Y/N!" Hanta waved from the concession stand balancing a basket of nachos and a pretzel in his hand, "Ha. Thanks." taking the basket and cup of cheese from him.

"Kiri said you'd be stopping by."

"It's sort of just a way of getting him to actually do his literary homework."

The man laughed, "Yeah. He's been trying to tackle that book. Kami threw a shoe at him the other day for walking around narrating it at one in the morning."

So, he did try reading to himself. It was good to know he was at least trying to take your advice.

Someone slammed into the rink's wall making you jolt, a nervous chirp escaping you in the process before you heard the low laugh of the team captain. "Show'd up, huh, Squeaks? Go talk to Headphones and get a pair of skates. Heard you've never been on the ice, time we fix that."

You'd only had a moment to wonder why it was Katsuki telling you to get skates rather than Eijiro because as soon as you looked at the explosive captain you spotted the redhead over his shoulder, skating backward, and holding the hands of a little girl bundled in a jacket as puffy and pink as her older sisters hair. The little girl couldn't have been related to anyone other than Mina Ashido.

"Come on, I'll show ya."

Hanta led the way around the concession counter and to a small window where Kyoka was sitting, busy fiddling with buttons on a soundboard. She smiled, seeing the two of you at the window and pulling back her headphones so she could hear when you told her your size.

The fee wasn't a lot and you were happy to pay it since half was going to the team.

"Can I help ya? That's way too loose." Hanta commented on your laces.

"This is how I normally tie my shoes."

"That might be but these have to be tight to give you the support you need. Plus, you don't want them coming undone on the ice, that's just a pain in the ass."

He bent down in front of you, tugging and pulling until the top of the boot was snug and asking you if it was too tight before tying it off and moving to the next one. He held out his hands, pulling you up onto your feet. "Walkings gonna feel a little weird, so, take your time."

You took a cautious step, balancing on the thin blade. "Feels like I'm walking on a tight rope."

"It's going to for a little while but you'll get used to it." He led you around the wall of the rink, letting you get a feel for them, checking again how they felt on your feet.

"Hey!" A whirl of pink hair zipped by you, Mina, spinning around perfectly on the ice and joining you both by the wall. "Whatcha waiting for? Get her out here Hanta!"

"Whenever you're ready."

If you hate it, I'll drop it forever.

You just had to try it once, one lap. "I'm gonna fall."

"That's a part of it though, babe." Mina grinned and glided back to the rink entrance. "Everyone here has fallen." She held out her hand while you carefully placed one foot on the ice. "I'm gonna hold this hand, grab the wall with your other. Hanta will be right behind you, okay?"

Everything wobbled the moment both feet were on the ice, knees locking just to try and stay upright. "Whoa, don't do that. Keep them bent just a little." Hanta corrected, "Locking your knees is a sure-fire way to fall."

Mina pulled you along, neither foot lifting off the ice, while your heart was firmly lodged in your throat. "You're doing just fine, see!" You really weren't doing anything but her praise was still nice.

"Mina!" You almost slipped, trying to follow the voice, but Hanta caught your elbow and guided both your hands to the wall. Jiro was standing at the entrance, waving a box over her head.

"Crap," Mina muttered. "I forgot to set something up with the sound system to get the karaoke going. Hanta, can you help me real fast, you're taller."

"Wha, what about me?"

"We will be right back. Promise! Not even taking our skates off!" They were gone before you could say anything else... damn it.

You stared at the far side of the rink, you'd gone exactly halfway around. One lap. You just had to go one lap. Your fingers gripped the edge of the wall, muttering to yourself, hating how unstable you felt when your feet started to move, oh no no no...

Willing them to stop moving wasn't working. Quickly, you pulled against the wall but you were getting away from it, "Come on, stop stop, please." You muttered but your feet weren't listening.

A hand slipped behind your waist. "You really shouldn't panic. All you have to do is point your toe down into the ice. 'Surprised someone didn't tell you that."

You had no idea who the man beside you was. Tall and slender with blonde hair falling in front of blue eyes. "You really have no idea what you're doing out here, do you? Poor thing."

"I'm, well, I'm just waiting for-"

"Not a problem, I'd be happy to help you back where you'll be more comfortable."

"Back off, Monoma." Someone's warm hand was tight on your shoulder, that gruff voice at your back. "She's fine."

"Take it easy, Bakugo, I wasn't doing anything. She just looked uneasy, that's all."

"Yeah, right. Why are you even here?"

"Supporting my dear brother, though I haven't seen him around."

"Kaminari's got class 'til 8." You turned, Eijiro skidding to a stop at your side, the little girl up in his arms.

"You'd think you'd know that about your, dear brother." Katsuki spat.

Katsuki pulled you back against him, slipping slightly but you were more than safe in his grasp. "Ah, that's right. Must have slipped my mind. Well, you seem in capable hands, enjoy your evening. I'll make sure to leave a donation to your little club before I go."

"Don't want any of your damn money."

"Hehe. Eiji said a bad word! Imma tell Mina!"

The two weren't distracted by the bundle of giggles in his arms. "Kats, can you take Hana back to Mina, please?"

Hana pouted, lip sticking out while she whined, "No, wanna stay with you, Eiji, please?"

Katsuki took the little girl. "You'll have your boyfriend back in a little bit, Squirt."

"So, Denki has a brother?"

"Step." Eijiro clarified, his arm casually slipping around you making sure you didn't lose your balance. "Like, we've never really found anything wrong with the guy. He's a year older than us, has money thanks to his mother, and likes to toss it around, he's just always rubbed us the wrong way. Little comments here or there about Denki but nothing to warrant us actually getting mad at him."

"Katsuki seemed pretty mad."

"That's just his default setting though." Eijiro sighed, shaking his head, before settling on a grin, "Anyway, "m happy you came. Sorry, I couldn't help you right away."

"That's alright. You were skating with a cutie. I can't blame you for that."

"I dunno why Hana latches onto me, but she has since she was a baby. We were fifteen when she was born and Mina loved babysitting so we all got used to her being around. But, I guess being Mina's neighbor meant I was around a little more than most."

"That's actually pretty cute."

He chuckled. "You're pretty good at this, by the way."

You hadn't even realized it. Eijiro had pulled you from the wall and you'd been skating at his side this whole time. Granted, he was doing most of the work but still! "Hey, don't tense up on me now!" He spun and took your hands in his, just like he'd been skating with Hana. "I've got ya. Just try moving your feet. Push against me."

With speed, something actually felt a bit familiar to you. You hadn't rollerbladed in years but you pushed off exactly like you used to. The toe pick Monoma had mentioned snagging a bit of the ice but Eijiro kept you stable with a smile, cheering you on and into your second lap around the ice.

He watched you, then your feet, his brows slowly coming together. "What? What am I doing wrong?"

"No, nothing like that but, you sorta skate like a hockey player. See, look at Mirio over there watch how he moves compared to his boyfriend who's a figure skater." He directed you to the blonde and his blue-haired boyfriend and there was something different about them. Mirio was moving about, turning quickly, chattering around Tamaki who pivoted when needed, favoriting long turns. "I think you should try a pair of hockey skates."

"Next time, Eijiro, okay?"

It was impossible to miss the way his face lit up. "Next time? You wanna do this again?"

"Yeah, yeah, this isn't so bad, actually. Just don't leave me stranded, 'kay?"

"Not a chance."

He continued to guide you around the rink so many times you'd lost count, bracing to catch you each time you stumbled. "I think you should try going backwards."

"Eijiro, no," A devilish grin spread across his face, "No, no, you can't. I can't!"

"Oh yes, you can!"

"No! Don't do it!"

You felt his hands shift, "Hang on tight."

He whipped you around. "Move your feet just a little," He pushed you along, "Yeah! Hell yeah! You got it!"

Despite wobbly knees, you woke muscles you hadn't used in ages from when you roller skated, gliding your feet the only way you knew how and praying it worked. And it did... for about twelve seconds.

A groove in the ice made you stumble backward, letting go of Eijiro as your arms flailed, doing your best windmill impression. You didn't hit the ice though. Eijiro was too quick to let that happen. He'd grabbed your waist and spun you around again. You still fell but onto his chest instead, his back smacking against the ice.

"Shit! Kiri! I'm so-"

His laughing cut you off, did he hit his head!? "You did great!"

"Gr-great? You think I did great!? Eijiro! What the hell is wrong with you!" You barely even felt the bite of the cold ice below your bare hands as you stared down at him waiting to see dark red blood trickling from behind his head, indicating some trauma.

"'Nothing! And you did! Better than me first time I tried anyways!"

"Don't break my damn goalie, Squeaks! I need 'em!"

"Or do!" You looked up to see Denki zipping by, a mic in his hands, "A broken Kiri means I might actually get some ice time!" The blonde wore a large smile, laughing in good fun before yelling at Kyoka to drop the screen for karaoke to begin.

"Are you alright?" Eijiro made sure to ask when you scooted off of him.

When you assure him you were, he hoisted you back up on your feet, slipping up only twice before regaining your balance just as Denki began singing Sweet Caroline.

You stayed out far later than you expected. Ended up walking back to the apartments with Eijiro, Hanta, Mina, and Denki. Hugging them each good night before slipping into the quiet of your apartment.

>>><<<

The next morning, you woke up late. The copy of Dorian Gray from the library lay open across your chest and the voice recorder was dangerously close to the edge of your bed. A quick playback told you you'd made it halfway through chapter eight before falling asleep. Decent progress.

Itsuka wasn't home, you noticed that on your way back from the bathroom. Her bed was still made and when you checked your phone, sure enough, there was the text telling you she was crashing at Tetsu's place. Honestly, you didn't even know why she bothered renting this place with you when she was never here.

That was a lie, you did know. It was out of kindness. Because she was a good person and knew you couldn't afford the rent on your savings alone. Hell, next year you were going to have to get a job along with classes just to stay in the apartment.

You also knew it was her way of looking after you. Itsuka would never outright say it but you knew she never looked at you the same after what happened your senior year of high school, and you couldn't really blame her. In fact, you were thankful in a way. Out of everyone you tried pushing away, Itsuka was the one who refused to let you slip through the cracks. Not only that, she pulled you back on your feet too. Literally filled out your college application when you felt like you didn't even deserve to go.

Itsuka Kendo was too damn good for this world and now she was dealing with her dying grandfather and trying to support her younger brother, needing to get him through just one more year of school. You wanted to go back with her on her visits, you felt like you owed her that after all she'd done for you but just the thought of driving through your old town terrified you and thankfully, she knew that.

Still, you were going to think of some way to help her. Something you could do. You added it to your list:

Currently, you just had to cancel your "date", finish chapter eight of Dorian Grey, and then download the audio files before Eijiro's practice ended in two hours.

Canceling the date was task one. Wanting to give as much notice as possible, already feeling a little guilty for forgetting to do it yesterday, you opened the app, reading a few of the messages they'd sent while you'd been away. You'd seen a few come in while you were at the rink but were honestly having too good of a time to want to respond.

Them: Gonna be a great party. Tons of drinks to go around.

You were still underaged but that meant little to a lot of college students. Besides that, you probably should have mentioned that you wouldn't be drinking even if you legally could.

Them: Your pictures look so hot! Bet those curves look even better in person ;)

Them: This is gonna be an awesome birthday. I know the present you're gonna give me is gonna be the best.

They could have just said they wanted to fuck you and it would have been quicker.

You: I'm really sorry but something's come up and I'm not going to be making it tonight. Hope you have a great party though.

Leaving your phone tossed on your bed forgotten, you moved on to task number two: the book.

It only took you ten or so minutes to finish the chapter. The files themselves took a while to upload to your computer, giving you enough time to throw together a bit of breakfast and take a shower in the meantime. Once they were all neat and orderly, you pulled a flash drive from the clutter on your desk, wiped it, and then started the download process. It was all rather robotic at this point.

Tugging on a hoodie and jeans, you intended on cleaning up your room a bit. Making sure you and Eijiro would have plenty of room for building. First was your rug, pushing it out of the way leaving only the wooden floor below, a nice even surface. You'd rolled it up, setting it in the corner of your room when you noticed your notifications flashing.

The dating app. They'd responded right after your message and you simply missed it... and the messages didn't stop coming through.

Them: Not gonna make it? Why?

Them: You mean like at all? Aw, come on baby? Don't leave me high and dry on my birthday.

Three minutes after,

Them: At least stop by my place later and gimme my present.

Them: That fat ass will do.

You sank to the floor of your room, back pressed against your bed, reading the messages that got progressively worse.

Them: Not gonna fuckin' answer now? Sick of damn teases like you.

Them: All you guys are good for is a quick fuck anyways.

Them: C'mon! I was even nice to you! Bet that doesn't happen often! Not with the way you look!

Them: Why can't you just gimme what I want?

It's all your good for... I was nice to you... gimme what I want...

Your chest felt tight as the phrases played over and over again. It crept up on you at the worst times, from the most damn things...

Just listen. Just do what they ask. Everything will be okay if you just listen.

Just listen, just do what they ask, everything will be okay. Just listen, just do what they ask, everything would be okay...

The way your brain twisted facts and bent reality, making it into nonsense that only seemed right within your mind. Your fingers pressed into your scalp, desperate to quiet the mess.

Everything will be okay, it'll be okay, it'll be okay, she'd be okay- in your hand, your phone began to vibrate.

Through blurry eyes, you made out the bright red hair of Kirishima's caller ID photo. You made sure to clear your throat before answering, steadying your voice.

"Hey, Kiri, what's up?"

"Hey, are you home?"

"Yeah. Been here all morning."

"Well, I've been knocking on your door for the last ten minutes. Can ya come lemme in?"

Ten minutes? Shit. You hadn't heard a thing. "Yeah! Sorry, I had my headphones on."

You could only pray your eyes weren't too red as you quickly wiped away any tears that may have spilled before answering the door. "Heya!" But his bright smile faltered. "You alright?"

"Totally!" Lying had become so easy now. You barely had to think about it, "This is gonna sound dumb but I stubbed my toe on my bed. Don't laugh! It really hurt!"

"Oh... Yeah, I've done that a couple times myself. It's okay though, right, no blood?"

"No, I'll be just fine."

>>><<<

Eijiro let you lead him into your home, carefully watching your back because he knew you were hiding something. He'd meant to take a shower before coming over but he heard your muttering coming through your open bedroom window. It wasn't like he was listening in but he'd heard your words nonetheless, heard you repeat them over and over. He knocked, banged on your front door with his fist actually, and got no response. Just the same words over and over.

He'd tried looking in your window, just wanting to know if you were okay but your curtains and the blind kept you hidden from view, kept your whole room private which, any other time, would have been great! He didn't want to scare you by calling through the window to you, didn't know if that'd be better or worse.

That's why he pulled out his phone and called you. Thrilled that apparently, that was enough to bring you out of whatever panic you were in.

He wished you'd talk to him, tell him whatever the fuck that was about, how long you'd been in a panic, but it was clear you weren't going to. He saw you flinch though when you looked at your phone, caught a glimpse at the screen, a dating app?

The same contact kept popping up but you just ignored it. "Do you wanna get that?"

"No. It's fine. Nothing important."

Sure seemed important. Or eager? He wasn't sure but it bothered you.

And, if you weren't going to talk to him about it, he was going to do the next best thing he could think of: distract you. "So, where's that bookshelf?"

[poorguysheadisdoingwhatnow]

idk if you’ve seen the office but the newsboys as the office characters ???

I LOVE THE OFFICE

-okay so I really want Jack to be Michael just because of that one meme where Michael’s on the train and he goes “I am running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good.” and someone put a caption on it that’s like “Jack leaving for Santa Fe, 1899. Colorized” and it’s like one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen because everything Michael says is #relatable and I can see Jack saying half of it

-I realize that making Jack Michael leaves the obvious spots of Jim and Pam open since I feel like most people would probably make Jack Jim and Katherine Pam but also

-picture this

-Race is Jim because of his obvious wit and love of pranking. He’s not really serious most of the time, but everyone loves him because he’s an absolute delight

-Davey has a Pam sort of vibe to him (thanks to @disney-princess-sized for her lovely insight). He’d probably be into Race’s pranks but from more of an admiration/slightly exasperated standpoint. plus we all know Davey is the mom friend and puts up with Jack’s nonsense (much like Pam puts up with Michael’s)

-okay so Spot is Dwight. he’s super serious about many things, and of course he has to put up with Race’s shit (but you know they love each other)

-Katherine’s Jan (a no-nonsense vibe, but probably lots of screaming because being successful is super stressful, ya feel)

-Romeo is Kelly (because of obvious reasons). they both love to love...and they’re both just a little hoe-ish, I’m just sayin

-Specs is definitely Oscar (sarcastic but chill). but also we know Specs is a mystery (as is Oscar...to the other characters, at least, we all know what’s going on), a wild card. what is the boi hiding. what’s his mission. the world may never know

-Crutchie fits Erin (they both have happy-go-lucky, sort of carefree personalities). plus Crutchie’s not afraid to give people shit if they’re being dumb human beings (or just plain rude), and I feel like Erin developed enough throughout the show to do the same thing

-okay so Elmer and Albert could totally be Clark and Pete (those new guys from later in the show). they’re besties, of course, and also I can definitely imagine that Clark and Pete discussed a bunch of stuff like movie theories and conspiracy theories (maybe even aliens...they seemed to have a bunch of free time), and to me that just screams Elmer and Albert, the ghost-hunting buddies

-JoJo is Kevin (they have similar personalities, I feel like)...kind of oblivious, but with wonderful personalities and i mean, both hilarious in the best moments

-Blink is Angela (it just fits so perfectly I mean). they’re both so done with everyone because “everyone I hang out with is an idiot” (which is true)

-Mush is Ryan lol (easily annoyed, but loyal to a tee)...also I can just feel it in my bones

-okay Finch is Meredith (listen, the boy’s a stoner, and we know he’d know how to get lit...and Meredith is the most lit out of all of them)

[lunar-magnolia]

11 Questions

Hello! I was tagged by @mikia87. As always, thank you very much for thinking of me! I’m very happy :D

Rules: Answer the questions you’re given. At the end, write 11 of your own, and tag people.

1. What is your favorite video game? Final Fantasy XV. I’m sorry, Kingdom Hearts, you’ve been dethroned. Jokes aside, this game literally saved my life, so this is the bare minimum.

2. What kind of music do you like? Uhhh anything and everything tbh. Although when I hear a new song the thing I value the most is the lyrics, then the global arrangement.

3. What is your favorite movie? I don’t have one, I’m not that much into movies… I like them of course, but meh.

4. If you could be a fictional character, which one would you choose? Uhhhhh… the one that gets to bang/be besties with Aranea I dunno really. Surely I’d like to live into the Final Fantasy XV Universe and have some kind of relationship with the main characters, but I don’t really want to be anyone else more than me.

5. What is your favorite color? Purple! Or red. Or blue. Or rainbow.

6. What is the first video game you played? Ohhh I dunno. I was like 3 LOL. I saw my father play something and I tried it, back in the days when the ps1 and the gamecube were around. Maybe it was Mario Bros? I don’t know man lol

7. What is your favorite book? Damn it’s been so long since I’ve read a book because I liked it, I really don’t know how to answer. Guess I’ll go for “The Picture of Dorian Gray” by Oscar Wilde. The moral conflict depicted in the book is something that always fascinated me.

8. Big question: Moogle or chocobo? Why? 😉 Chocobros. LOL Chocobos! They’re like horses, but with fluffy feathers. And they can glide. I mean. Imagine.

9. Who is your favorite artist (any kind : art, music, dance, acting…)? Every single artist who loves their art is my favorite. It’s not just a poetic thing, I just think that when someone loves what they’re doing it shows somehow. The passion put in their work is in plain sight and I love it. So yeah, everytime I see a new drawing, or hear a new song, or whatever form of art, I fall in love with the artist’s passion and the artist. I love art, even if I can’t really contribute.

10. What is your favorite anime/cartoon? I haven’t watched anything of the kind in a while, but I’d say Black Butler. When I first started watching it I wasn’t only fascinated by the artwork, but also the story, how history and fiction melded together and how it felt challenging in its moral choices at times. I should catch up with it sooner or later…

11. If you had to sacrifice one of your 5 senses (sight, hearing, smell, taste, touch). Which one would you choose?  My name is not IGNIS FUCKING SCIENTIA so maybe not my sight. I rely too much on it, I need it to read fanfics.

Smell has been recognized as the sense that triggers the strongest memories and tbh I like those moments when I remember things. Even if they make me cry sometimes.

Taste no. I love eating and different flavors. Don’t, please.

And last but not least touch. I’m already touch-starved, I’d like to keep what’s left lol. Jokes aside, I like touching things to study the textures, so meh no thanks. So yeah, goodbye hearing. And music. Well, it is a sacrifice, isn’t it?

Uhh I’m not good at asking questions.

1. Do you daydream?

2. Ever dozed off unwillingly?

3.What would you do if your favorite character knocked at your door?

4.If you could change your age, would you rather be older or younger than you are now? Why?

5. Have you ever done something very important and never told anyone about it?

6. If ancient deities existed and you coul meet one of them, who would you like to know better? (Consider: going on a tour with them and helping them perform their duties, learning more about their relationship with humans and other gods, maybe going to a party with them.)

7. If you could change the law for a month, what would you do?

8. Bitter truth or sweet lie? Careful: both, to hear and say.

9. Is friendship different from romance or not?

10. Liberty is..?

11. Would you change your name?

Tagging: @saintsimcat @swizzlecahoots @sternentreue @faygosmayhem … I dunno guys, if you want to do it is cool, otherwise don’t feel pressured! I’d be curious to hear your answers though!

[dinosaurastronauts]

Introduction

Hello, I’m not exactly sure how this works, and I’m almost positive no one is gonna read this ever but since I’m just starting out, I figured it best to introduce myself :)

Wow who knew talking about yourself on the internet was scary, interesting. I guess I’m just gonna answer questions I think people would want to know

whats the point of this blog? 

ok so basically for the zero(0) people reading this, I am an extremely sheltered 17 year old who has never had a tumblr before, but I have always wanted one so since I have a lot of interests and few friends I decided to collect them all in one place so thats why I made this (also it’s my own tiny personal teenage rebellion) So really its just for fun and to meet cool kids on the internet :)

Interests? What interests?

honestly I have so many and I’m always open to suggestions. A few of my favorites are Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Marvel, the Sciences (especially chemistry), comedy (performing, watching, and writing), art ( I can’t draw for shit but I love watching other people create art), and EVERY BOOK EVER (genuinely though I will read anything) {anything I missed will eventually crop up, along with other stuff I discover)

Views on life/religion

ummmmmm well i grew up in a very conservative family but personally I lean more liberal. I like to say I’m an existentialist but I am still figuring a lot of it out. as far as religion goes, I still attend church but I don’t really believe in a deity so I guess I’m kinda agnostic, but who Knows :)

Goals?

I want to double major in Biochemistry and Biotechnology in college and get a masters in Biotech and a doctorate in Biochem. I want to focus mainly in carcinogens but I wouldn’t mind dabbling in genetic modification research. Honestly whatever I do I want to go somewhere far away 

Relationships?

Like it says in my bio I’m ace but i’m bi romantic, however I haven’t actually dated anyone, but there is someone i’m interested in at the moment. As for platonic ones, basically I keep like randomly adopting people. My best friend is a mom friend by nature and I’m a dad friend by nature so it works well. We pick up people who seem lonely or bored with life and we adopt them and I convince them to live life to the fullest and have adventures, then my bestie makes sure to keep everyone safe, loved and ensures we are all responsibly thinking of our futures. Its pretty nice, I get to have a very intense empathy for others without necessarily having to be responsible. As for inter-web friends I would really like to meet new people and develop relationships and stuff but just Know that I will probably still act like a dad friend

Personal Flaws?(just kidding I’m perfect)

I included this in an attempt to give some clarity as why I am such a mess to the zero(0) people looking at this. Ummm well I procrastinate super bad, I use the Number(#) format because it genuinely makes me laugh, I way overuse this ‘:)’ emoticon, I have zero(0) grammatical or spelling skills despite being in AP English (including, but not limited to, random capitalization, a writing style similar to Oscar Wilde, random parenthetical interruptions, and overuse of filler words like umm). I have ADHD (couldn’t tell could you?), anxiety, autonomic dysfunction, and Dyscalculia (number Dyslexia). Those last ones aren’t flaws but they are irksome 

yeh so I’m assuming very few people have made it this far, if you have, well thanks and also I’m sorry. By the way feel free to chat to me because I would love to meet all you cool kids. If you want to talk but need something to call me, dino works or if you want just call me a random dad name and I will respond

for those wondering if I’m being weird on purpose or if I’m trying to play a part, I’m not, this is literally just how I am, I know its weird, I’m sorry

[imaginetonyandbucky]

Prompts are open omgg! My prompt is: Tony acts like a playboy and a tough guy, but in reality, he is a sucker for everything emotional, romantic and affectionate. He lives for it. You can win his heart this way. Bucky loves it, loves doing all the romantic things for Tony and loves the expression on Tony's face whenever he does.

50 Ways to Woo Your Lover

“What the hell, Stevie,” Bucky whined to hisbest friend. “How the fuck am I supposed to impress a fucking geniusbillionaire?”

Steve, No Help At All, Charter Member, had thefucking gall to laugh at him. “You don’t,” Steve said. He didn’t quite finishthat up with Why would you even want to, but Bucky could see it dancingon the tip of his tongue.

Good thing for Steve they were already sparring,which meant that Bucky had gloves on and Steve was wearing protective headgear.Both things were actually pointless, if Bucky wanted to do damage. Bucky calmlyanalyzed the situation, found a good three dozen openings that Steve gave himin the first five minutes alone, and took exactly none of them. Right up untilthe very end, when he lightly tapped Steve in the nose with his elbow. (Okay,so the Winter Soldier version of lightly gave Steve a bloody nose and a splitlip, but hey, Bucky wasn’t above cheating. Never had been.)

“Look,” Steve said. He wasn’t even mad, he justhad his head tilted back and an ice pack over the bridge of his nose, eventhough everyone had already told him that didn’t help. “You think I know whatto do to win the girl. I’ve talked to like two in my entire life.”

“Tony’s not a girl,” Bucky growled. He was quiteaware of how very male Tony was. He couldn’t help but trace the lines of theman’s body with his eyes, couldn’t help leaning in a little closer to catch awhiff of that masculine scent, sweat and cologne and a tang of metal and fire.

“Probably even less help there, pal,” Stevesaid. “I dunno, you were always a hit with the dames back in the day. Howdifferent can it be?”

Clint snorted, the next time he’d passed Buckyin the hall and tossed a women’s magazine at him. Ways to win the heart ofyour lover, teased from the cover. Bucky didn’t even ask how Clint knew.There was no percentage in that play.

#1 - Write a poem

Tony spent most of his time in his workshop,surrounded by iron and steel, by fire and wire, by electric and circuits. Withrare exceptions, no one else was allowed in, unless Tony was already there --Pepper had an access pass, but these days she rarely used it. Rhodey, becauseTony was never sure when his bestie was going to be in town, and it was justeasier to let Rhodey come in and get his attention than to be sure that areminder would pry him out of his headspace and out for a dinner meeting.

(mobile readers, ware the readmore)

So why was there crumpled paper in hiswastebasket? Tony never used paper. Even when Pepper had things for him to signthese days, they were always on tablets or another device that he could use athumb print and scribble in the air with a light pen.

Tony fished the paper out of the trash; balledup and torn. He spread it out on his workbench, matching the pieces together.Hand-written, even. The letters were black and spiky, written with thatbackward slant that indicated a left-handed writer.

Tony

I am afraid of forgettingI am afraid of myselfI am afraid that I'll hurt someoneI am afraid that someone will be youI am even afraid you'll forget meI am afraid of the coldI am afraid of the darkI am afraid that blood is on my handsI am afraid that it's never mineI am even afraid sometimes it's yoursI want to know loveI want remember who I amI want your touchI want your kissI even want your loveI want to know who I amI want to remember who I wasI want to have a futureI want to have dreamsI even want to be with you

Most of all…..

#5 Pick Wildflowers

Five days running, Tony had opened the door to  the penthouse and found a little bouquet of daisies, tied with a silver  ribbon, laying across the hall.

Daisies didn’t smell like anything.

They were small, white and yellow.

The petals were not quite firmly attached; a  few of them always fell off when he picked up the packet. They weren’t  cultivated, either. Mandelbrot only knew where his unseen admirer was getting  them from. There were aphids crawling on the stems sometimes. The petals were  somewhat gray from being exposed to roadside air.

Every morning Tony brought them back into the  penthouse and found a little cup full of water to put them in.

The sixth day, he left a little note pinned to  the floor where the flowers had been left.

and while never saying a wordwho was anything but dumb;since the silence of himself sang like a bird.Most people have been heardscreaming for internationalmeasures that render hell rational—i thank heaven somebody’s crazyenough to give me a daisy

                                 Eecummings

The seventh day, someone left roses.

#19 Watch an old Movie

Tony would have thought it was Steve whoselected the black-and-white films, but Steve really had almost no interest inmovie night at all. He sat with everyone else, because it was expected andbecause Steve had some pretty firm beliefs about team-building activities, butwhenever it was Steve’s turn to pick the films, he usually selected somethingfrom the Oscars awards list, like he was going through in reverse chronologicalorder. According to Tony’s mental map, he was going to have to skip Steve’s turnin about a month, because he was not going to watch Forrest Gump again. Thatmovie was terrible the first time.

Bucky, on the other hand, kept picking all theold films. City Lights, Notorious, Roman Holiday, Camille.

And the man put off body heat like nobody’sbusiness. There was something about a super-soldier’s metabolism, Tonytheorized, but Bucky was like a portable furnace. Tony didn’t like to admit it,but he was getting older, and it started casually enough, just sitting next tothe man was enough to keep him warm.

Then he was leaning against Bucky, sharingpopcorn. No one sat on Bucky’s right, that was Tony’s spot, long before Tonyeven recognized it. Bucky was so warm, and soft. And one night, while they werewatching Philadelphia Story, Bucky’s arm went around Tony’s shoulderslike it was the most natural thing in the world. He played with the ends ofTony’s hair, fingers dangling loose and warm over Tony’s neck.

#34 Rooftop picnic

“Hey, Tony,” a soft voice grabbed his attentionand Tony looked up from where he was analyzing a three percent improvement inarc-reactor efficiency. “You hungry?”

“Hmmm?” Tony stuck the screwdriver in his mouth.He didn’t actually need a screwdriver, but he had a tendency to fiddle while hewas thinking and the screwdriver often seemed to end up in his hand, or in hismouth, or sometimes drumming it against the countertop. He went through a listof food that he thought he’d eaten in the last few days; an orange forbreakfast was the last thing he could remember and looking at the clock, hewasn’t sure if that was this morning or yesterday morning. He did sort of getinto the zone sometimes.’ “I could eat.”

Bucky gingerly took the screwdriver out ofTony’s mouth and put it down next to his toolbox. “That can’t be hygienic,”Bucky commented.

“Pfffft,” Tony dismissed this concern. Really,Bucky should have seen his working conditions in Afghanistan. On secondthought, and third, and maybe seventh as well, he probably should not. Buckyhad gotten a little wild around the eyes when Steve had off-hand mentionedTony’s captivity at the hands of Ten Rings, and Steve hadn’t even gotten intosome of the more gruesome parts of that memory.

Tony had to admit, he was surprised by that;given what Bucky had gone through with Hydra, he’d almost been expecting a boutor two of trauma-Olympics where a room full of people competed for who’d had itworst and everybody lost.

When Tony went to push the button for the commonkitchen, Bucky reached past him and thumbed the rooftop access.

“What’s up, Bambi?”

Bucky made a soft scoffing noise and rolled hiseyes. “It’s a surprise, genius,” he said.

The landing platform had a small table and twochairs set up; a simple peaked tent had been arranged, dripping with white Christmaslights, over the table.

A whiff of spicy Thai food came from silverplatters arranged on the buffet to the side.

“What is this?”

“Dinner,” Bucky said, offering Tony his arm.“Some genius you are.”

Tony rolled his eyes. “I know dinner. But…dinner, or… you know… dinner?”

“Whatever you want it to be, Tony,” Bucky said,all wide-eyed sincerity and earnest eagerness.

“Are you…” Tony wasn’t sure how to phrase it.“Are you --”

“Courting you?” Bucky suggested. “If… yeah, kinda,I guess. If you… wanted to, I dunno. I…”

Tony’s eyebrow shot up. “Is this a date, Barnes,it’s a yes or no question.”

James Buchanan Barnes, the Winter Soldier, themost feared ghost-story assassin in the last century, stared down at the tipsof his boots and scuffed his foot in the gravel that covered the roof of theAvenger’s Tower. “Yes?” He looked for all the world like a high school juniorthat was trying to work up his nerve to ask out the homecoming queen.

It should not have been cute.

It should have been damn near terrifying.

It was fucking adorable.

“A date,” Tony said, again, slow. Rolling theword around in his mouth like he wasn’t sure what it was supposed to tastelike.

“Yes,” Bucky said again. “I’d… would you like tohave dinner with me, Tony?”

Tony rested his fingers on Bucky’s offered arm.“Yes, yes I would.”

#50 Do what comes naturally. Slowly.

Tony snuggled, wrapped around Bucky’s body likea cuddly octopus. “I want to see this list of yours,” he said.

Bucky blushed. He’d finally confessed, let Tonydrag it out of him with torturous kisses and teasing touches, that he’d gottenhis ideas from a glossy magazine. But Bucky had his number now. He kissedTony’s temple and worked his way down with soft nuzzles until he was nipping atTony’s throat. With all the wicked promise he felt in his heart, Bucky ran hishands up Tony’s body. “Shall I read it to you?”

[madnessinthishouse]

@murhaprinsessa

MAKE ME ADMIT STUFFFF

No se que pasaba por mi mente cuando dije “92 preguntas no son nada para mi”

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?

MMmmmm con la bestie..... si ella se deja o yo me dejo(??)

2. You talked to an ex today, correct?

Pos no tengo ex, así que no(?)

3. Have you taken someones virginity?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA THIS QUESTIONsi

4. Is trust a big issue for you?

Si, lo es bastante

5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently?

Si ♥

6. What are you excited for?

Porque actualicen mangas y saquen animes fasdfasd

7. What happened tonight?

Que Maye acepto hacer todas estas preguntas(?)

8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted?

Hombres o mujeres, o sea, no negare que me he divertido viendo eso, pero no significa que eso sea bueno, me ha tocado cuidar gente en ese estado y puedo asegurar que no se mira nada bueno

9. Is confidence cute?

Claro que si, pero la timidez también lo es, un balance es el turn on

10. What is the last beverage you had?

Leche chocolatada

11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?

Como 5 maso

12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans?

This body no entra en los skinny jeans xD

13. What are you gonna do Saturday night?

Pasarla en tumblr posiblemente (?)

14. What are you going to spend money on next?

En comida posiblemente

15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed?

Si♥

16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months?

No lo dudo, y eso me da algo de miedo, pero yolo(?)

17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?

Seh, a mi todos los temas me gustan, más si son taboo, esos me encantan

18. The last time you felt broken?

Mmm hace un par de días.

19. Have you had sex today?

Solo si en la imaginación cuenta(???)

20. Are you starting to realize anything?

Que procastino mucho y hay cosas de la uni que debería empezar ya.

21. Are you in a good mood?

Voy en la pregunta 21 y son las 11:30pm, claro que si, por el momenot (?)

22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks?

La verdad si, suena bonito

23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s?

Si, no es exactamente el mismo tono de verde, pero de ahí los saque.

24. What do you want right this second?

Quitarme la ansiedad por la tesis y la última práctica, más por esta última hahahahaha :’D

25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?

Que me invite para la próxima (?) no se, me he puesto en esa escena y solo se me ocurren cosas bobas, más si lo veo besando un chico(?)

26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color?

Nop, mi color natural es castaño claro, actualmente esta negro.

27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?

Dudo mucho, me gusta reír.

28. What was the last thing that made you laugh?

Me reí nerviosamente cuando me di cuenta del calibre de esto(?)

29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now?

Mucho a muchas personas, pero en este momento a una amiga que lleva como más de un mes sin conectarse ni nada, so, aparte de extrañarla me preocupa.

30. Does everyone deserve a second chance?

Soy de dar varias oportunidades, a la mayoría al menos.

31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to?

Muchísimo(?) maldito titan(???) noescierto

32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do?

No se lo digo seguido, pero si

33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda?

QUE PECADO ES ESE

34. Listening to?

Ando oyendo electro swing, una lista de reproducción que me encontré por ahí

35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore?

Si, por supuesto xD

36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is?

En su casa supongo, anda jugando Smite según me dice Steam(?)

37. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Creo en los crush a primera vista realmente.

38. Who did you last call?

Como no suelo llamar a nadie, no recuerdo xD

39. Who was the last person you danced with?

Conmigo misma(?) no esperen, con mi perro porque se puso en dos patas, lo agarre de las patas delanteras y bailamos(?)

40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?

Porque tenía ganas? (?)

41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake?

Hace como tres meses

42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today?

Le lance besitos a mi madre

43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?

Todavía lo hago (?)

44. Do you tan in the nude?

what no xD

45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss?

Neh, todo bien.

46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?

A la hora que me dormí, todos habían caído ya

47. Who was the last person to call you?

Una tía creo

48. Do you sing in the shower?

A veces hasta bailo (?)

49. Do you dance in the car?

Like a crazy

50. Ever used a bow and arrow?

Sep, y no se apuntar

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?

Como tres meses

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?

Depende creo, aunque no he ido a ninguno

53. Is Christmas stressful?

MUCHO

54. Ever eat a pierogi?

Solo las versiones de acá que son las empanadas(?)

55. Favorite type of fruit pie?

De fresa con queso... o de manzan♥

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?

Veterinaria, aún me dan ganas 

57. Do you believe in ghosts?

Si, créanme cuando les digo que existen, las cosas que he vivido no son alucinaciones (?)

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?

Si, y muchas fueron gracias a sueños.

59. Take a vitamin daily?

Nop

60. Wear slippers?

A veces, tengo hasta unos con forma de Scooby Doo.

61. Wear a bath robe?

Si.

62. What do you wear to bed?

Pijama?

63. First concert?

Creo que fue de Ricardo Arjona... 

64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?

De esas tres, solo hay Wal-Mart acá

65. Nike or Adidas?

Ninguno la verdad xD

66. Cheetos Or Fritos?

CHEETOS

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?

Aasfasd las dos me gustan, pero si es de elegir una... peanuts

68. Favorite Taylor Swift song?

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM quebuenoquemimadrenoleeestoomematacuzelladetestaataylor, no tengo una favorita la verdad, pero me gusta Shake it

69. Ever take dance lessons?

Si y extraño tanto esas clases *sobs*

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?

Nah, que haga lo que se le de la gana.

71. Can you curl your tongue?

Puedo hacer muchas cosas con la lengua  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) (?)

72. Ever won a spelling bee?

No habían de esos... o tal vez si y nunca gane.

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?

Si llorar de la risa cuenta, si.

74. What is your favorite book?

“El Túnel” de Ernesto Sabato, me debatía con “El crimen de Lord Arthur Saville” de Oscar Wilde, pero El Túnel me lo he leído más veces y pues me encanta (?)

75. Do you study better with or without music?

Con, pero debe ser instrumental o no me concentro

76. Regularly burn incense?

Sip, en especial de menta.

77. Ever been in love?

*blushes* lo estoy(?)

78. Who would you like to see in concert?

THREE DAYS GRACE ♥ OF COURSE QUE SI ASDFASDF, también a Garbage♥

79. What was the last concert you saw?

Ufa, creo que fue de un grupo nacional hace muchos años.

80. Hot tea or cold tea?

Ambas, tal vez un poco más té frío.

81. Tea or coffee?

Prefiero el té

82. Favorite type of cookie?

Con mucho chocolate

83. Can you swim well?

Como un gato en el agua (?) o sea no me hundo(?)

84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?

Si, aunque si lo hago mucho me atacan mis pulmones defectuosos(?)

85. Are you patient?

Para muchas cosas lo soy

86. DJ or band, at a wedding?

Why not both

87. Ever won a contest?

Creo que si xD

88. Ever have plastic surgery?

Si, para reconstrucción de mi labio cuando casi me arranca la cara un perro hahaha(?)

89. Which are better black or green olives?

NINGUNA, I HATE THEM

90. Opinions on sex before marriage?

Cada quien hace con su cuerpo lo que quiere, como diría mi abuelo “Cada quien hace de su culo un candelero”

91. Best room for a fireplace?

El mío porque tendría fuego cerca y sería feliz (?) 

92. Do you want to get married?

Uff... es complicado, a veces si hasta imagino como sería mi boda, pero cuando lo hago, no me imagino casándome, igual si lo llego a hacer, es dentro de mucho, tengo otros planes antes de eso.

[danafraedrich]

October Recap

Hi, friends. Sorry it’s been a minute since I’ve posted on here 😅. I took a stay-cation when the bestie came into town, interspersed with some shows. October basically went by in a blur. And November… well, November’s been a bit rough. So here’s a recap of last month.

Shows ~ September ended with me finishing up the Doctor Who Steampunk Convention in Clarksville. The community was super nice, and I made a bird friend! His name is Bishop and he’s an African raven, so I couldn’t resist showing off my book, Raven’s Cry, with him. He tried to eat it 😂.

I also did the Southern Festival of Books here in Nashville. Don’t tell the other shows, but it’s one is one of my favorites 😉. That one is outdoors, and I get a whole tent for it, which is good since it always tends to rain one of the days. And it got pretty chilly, which tells me I need a medium-weight steampunky type jacket. If anyone has any recommendations I’m all ears. Let me know in the comments below.

And finally there was the Atlanta Steampunk Expo. This is the second year it’s been on, and I’ve done it both years, so I guess you can call me an elder attendee? I dunno. Anyway, because I’ve been there before I saw some familiar faces. People I’d met the year before, which I really love. It’s nice to catch up and reconnect, plus I got to hang with a friend of mine from college after the show. I also got to meet some new people. First there was Mike Lackey, who I’ve known through Instagram for a long time, but haven’t ever actually met him in real life. Does that count as a new meeting? 🤔 Anyhoodles, I didn’t know he was going to be there and at one point I looked over, saw his banner, and thought, “Hey, I know the guy!” I also met Kevin J. Anderson, who is a massively prolific author. He’s got over 150 box under his belt! I even had the the honor of doing some panels with him. I always learn things at panels, even the ones I’m on, and this was no different. My biggest takeaway was dictation, which he does all the time. Part of this blog post was even written via dictation. Unfortunately, Siri doesn’t understand everything I say, so it requires a good bit of corrections, but it’s still a quick way of getting down thoughts your thoughts.

Books (bought and read) ~ As far as buying books goes… ha ha, things got a little out of control 😆. While the bestie was here, we hit a bunch of independent bookstores (support your local bookstores, people!). It’s near impossible for me to walk into a bookstore and not buy something. But look at all the pretty! 😍 I’m currently reading Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott, which has turned out to be both amazingly comforting and instructional 😊 .

As for books read, I feel pretty proud because I have once again proven that I can eat a book for breakfast if I really put my mind to it. I purchased Hallowe’en Party by Agatha Christie on October 30th and finished it on the 31st. This was also my first Agatha Christie novel. What have I been missing my whole life?! Firstly, I really appreciated the storytelling style. I know I’ve mentioned this before, so I don’t know why I keep thinking this way since it keeps being disproved. I often think older books are going to have a boring storytelling style, and that’s just not the case. People just don’t really change no matter what decade or even century you’re in. People so often assume they know things things, take them as absolute fact. Things that are broad-brush generalizations. And they take things they heard from someone else and believe it as gospel, and I love the way that muddied the waters of the mystery. As I’ve mentioned before, I love playing Whodunnit, and I could not come near to making a guess. I had a suspicion about one character, but it was about 40% suspicion, 60% uncertainty. And Hercule Poirot was a way more interesting character than I expected. I first met him while watching the film version of Murder on the Orient Express with Kenneth Branagh, and that was a really great depiction, but I don’t think I got the sense of Hercule’s character from that as well as I got it from the book.

I also barely finished listening to the audiobook of The Picture of Dorian Gray. Like, finished reading it around 9pm while giving candy to trick-or-treaters. I’m not sure what I expected from this book, having never read any Oscar Wilde before. I found the characters a little difficult to relate to but only because I got pissed off at them again and again. Lord Henry is king of the douche bags, hands down. I had more trouble with Dorian even though I understand his character. People rationalize all kinds of things to themselves, but I wanted to shake him. I’ll be honest, I didn’t know where the book was going for a lot of it. I feel like the middle kind of fast forwarded and just gave us an overview of his life, but the ending got really exciting. I had no idea what was coming and was not disappointed at all 😱.

Newsletter ~ I wrote a spooky story for my newsletter last month, set in the Broken Gears world. You can still access that if you want to by signing up for my VIP newsletter (along the right-hand sidebar if you’re on a laptop or desktop computer or down at the bottom if you’re on a mobile device - tablet or phone). The story stars Cali from Raven’s Cry, plus a few other familiar faces. No spoilers but some relationships that are established during Raven’s Cry are revealed in the short story. Once you sign up, you’ll receive a password to access the Exclusive Content page where you can find this and all my other VIP-only short stories.

What’s Next? ~ I’ve got a lot in the hopper, friends. You can check the homepage or the Events pages of my website for all my upcoming live shows. If you’re in the Tennessee area, however, Dickens of a Christmas on December 8th is the next one.

I’m also working on my NaNoWriMo project, which will be the next installment in Lenore‘s storyline from the Broken Gears universe. There are so many pieces! I’m really loving Scrivener’s folder functionality right now because, without it, I think I’d be tearing my hair out.

I’ve also been selected to contribute to an anthology coming out in February! I’m so excited because I get to write a retelling of The Snow Queen 😄. The first draft is done, and I’ll be getting first critiques on it this weekend. The anthology will debut at the Austin Bookstars event I’m attending in Austin, Texas on May 4th. All proceeds benefit the Make-A-Wish Foundation, which is a charity very near and dear to my heart since I am a survivor of childhood cancer. When the pre-order is available I will post links everywhere!

I know this was kind of a long one, so thanks so much for sticking with me 💗. If you made it this far, here’s a picture of me dressed as a faun for Halloween.

Thanks for reading!