#this is the worst thing i can think of so far but damn it's horrifying

[beautifulterriblequeen]

Alright if I'm gonna look like a loon (moon ref) about some Aaravos ideas then at least I'm not alone now, LESSGO

Before we get confirmation on the actual title of 605, I wanna share the idea that I haven't been able to shake since "Moonless Night" became a possibility. Because let me tell you, when someone found those words, my gut dropped down a black hole and I wasn't sure why.

I mean, I can kind of guess why. It's the middle episode of the season. Multiple people have said it has wrecked them just to work with it. On that detail alone, I think we can guess who wrote it. And Devon's episodes always hurt me the most (affectionate)!

Why is the concept of a Moonless Night so scary? Lots of reasons come to mind this late in the show. The moon is the primal source for several characters in the show. It's a source of light and normalcy at night. And nights without moonlight are extremely dark. We all know this deep in our DNA already.

We could get Ruthari angst - Runaan suffering without the moon in his coin, trapped in darkness. Ethari suffering without Runaan and the hope and love he brought to his life.

Maybe it's Rayla struggling during a new moon, unable to do her usual moon powers in a clutch moment.

Maybe it's about the stars themselves being all the light that is, and how that's really not much and things are dark and powerful without the balance of other arcanums.

Maybe it's some or all of these.

But here's the thought that won't let me go: Fayla.

From what we think we know, Callum and Rayla get to the Starscraper in episode 4. We've seen images on promotional material, and etc.

But what's troubling me is the bits we got from NYCC attendants last fall, about how in the first episode the pearl is mysteriously empty, and Aaravos is somehow missing from it.

Where has he gone? Is he in Callum somehow? Is he doing things to his brain while he's awake, instead of giving him weird dreams?

And then there's the new twitter podcast account, Banter Lodge, posting a new Dear Callum letter yesterday.

No idea if this is fan-made or a sneak peek yet. But this is what tipped me into "holy shit" territory, because consider this with me for a second:

This letter makes it look like Rayla didn't go with Callum somewhere.

What if that somewhere is the Starscraper.

What if Callum gets all the way there and does all the things he does, and he doesn't realize until he's in the middle of the starry darkness that Rayla was never with him at all, and he has no moon at his side.

Fayla. Fake Rayla.

If his companion, all along, is Aaravos in Rayla's guise, nudging him toward wherever he wants Callum to go.

If he cannot outmatch Callum's love and trust for Rayla, he will simply shift the narrative and become that trusted source. Then, he thinks, Callum will do whatever he wants.

Sleep tight.

[steviesummer]

inspired by and as a direct follow up to this post by @strangersteddierthings:

Eddie is horrified. He remembers the day Steve is referring to, though clearly not as well as Steve does. He calls out as Steve raced up the stairs and hears his door slam.

“Fuck.” He stares blankly at the wall in front of him. He can’t believe things went so bad so quickly. He’s been trying to get to know Steve better, get closer and damn if he didn’t just blow the hole thing. He’d shown up early, told Steve he needed to prepare as an excuse to spend some time with him. Despite everything that happened over spring break, Steve had remained guarded, standoffish no matter what Eddie tried. At least now he knew why. He’d fucked things up before he’d known there was something to fuck up.

He feels even worse about calling him a bully. Sure, Steve had looked the other way and even laughed at some of the mean jokes others had made, but he was far from the worst. That dubious award went to Billy Hargrove, but even without him, there was plenty of people who did far worse than Steve did. Especially because Steve is right. He did hit first, metaphorically at least. He can justify it all he wants as trying to protect himself, but that doesn’t make it right. Steve all but admitted that as he said the same thing. He feels nauseous at the realization that maybe he was just as bad as those he decried. That for all his talk about accepting outcasts and defying convention, he was just as prejudiced. Swallowing hard, he heads back to the dining room and looks at the clock. There is no way he is going to be able to run the campaign today. He’s not going to be able to focus or even play without thinking about how things might have been if he hadn’t driven Steve off all those years ago. He grabs the phone and dials Gareth’s number. “Emerson house, Sheryl speaking.” “Hi Mrs. Emerson, it’s Eddie.” Eddie is proud that he manages to keep his voice even. “Is Gareth there?” “Oh, yes! Let me go get him for you.” “Thanks Mrs. Emerson.” Eddie focuses on breathing while he waits. “Eddie? Hey man, what’s up?” Eddie breathes out. “Hey Gareth. Look, I know its last minute, but we’re gonna have to postpone Hellfire. Something came up.” He could hear Gareth’s frown through the phone. “Postpone? What happened, did Harrington do something?” As if he couldn’t feel worse. “Nah. I’ll explain later, but can you call Jeff and Frank, let them know? I gotta call the freshman, too.” “Alright, but I’m going to hold you to that.” “Fair enough. Talk to you tomorrow.” Eddie promises before hanging up. He weighs his options for how to tell the Party. Eventually, he decides on calling Mike, know that the younger teen won’t push too much. He’s dialing the Wheeler home before he can second guess his decision. “This is Mike.” Eddie feels a rush of gratitude that Mike is the one who answered, rather than Nancy or one of their parents. “Hey Mike, it’s Eddie. Listen, Steve’s not feeling great and having Hellfire here isn’t going to help. Can you call the rest of the Party, let them know we’re gonna move it to another day? I’ll keep an eye on Steve.” Eddie knows Mike is a confused, given how adamant he’s been in the past about not canceling or moving Hellfire, but as he expected, Mike accepts what he says at face value. “Sure. Need us to bring anything?” “Nah, I’ve got it. Pretty sure he just needs some peace and quiet so he can rest. But thanks.” They say their goodbyes and Eddie puts the phone back on the hook.  With that done, he checks that the door is locked and faces the stairs. Now for the hard part. He’s not sure what he’s going to say, if there is anything he can say that will fix this, but he has to try. Even if doesn’t change things between him and Steve, Steve deserves at least that much. Every step feels like it takes effort, chest heavy with guilt, but it only takes him a few moments to get to Steve’s door. It’s closed, which doesn’t surprise him. He takes a moment to gather his thoughts before knocking. Nothing. “Steve?” If it wasn’t for the quiet sound of Steve’s breathing he could hear through the door, Eddie would think he had left. He glad that he at least didn’t drive Steve out of his own home. He rests his forehead on the door. “I’m sorry.” Eddie hopes Steve can hear how much he means it. “You’re right, I fucked up. I made an assumption and took out my anger at other people on you. And that wasn’t fair and it’s not okay. But I want you to know that I’m sorry. Even if it wasn’t you, I shouldn’t have done that.” He lets out a hysterical laugh as he realizes - “And despite that, you still humor the kids when they talk about D&D and agreed to let us play here and didn’t punch me in the face, which makes you a better man than I.” He falls silent, listens as Steve’s breathing slows. He isn’t sure how long he stands there. He wonders how many other people he hurt this way, without even realizing. Knows he wants to do better, be better. He sighs, feeling his shoulders slump. “Anyway, I canceled Hellfire for today. I told everyone something came up, don’t worry about that. I’ll make up some story, make sure they know its not your fault. And uh,  let me know if you want to hang out again or something. I know I’ve been around a lot; didn’t realize that I was making you so uncomfortable, which is probably another thing I should apologize for. Anyway. Yeah. I’ll see you around, okay?” He waits a moment for an answer, but when none comes, he backs away from the door and walks downstairs to gather his stuff. It hurts, but he knows Steve deserves space and to be the one to initiate contact. He has some thinking to do, anyway.

[fernsnouveau]

Tags by @erisluna35 :

#yeah the ship cracked not cause we dont believe in teen love #but because s5 messed up their dynamic #this whole thing messed up adriens arc not because of adrienette #but because he kept getting locked out of his own narrative #which is not satisfying regardless of adrienette #reducing all these complaints to just the salters belittling teen love #the sugar side really dont get it

Tags by @generalluxun :

#as a writer I feel this #writing the LS is hard now I need to ensure there is a clear break from canon to even contemplate it #why did they turn it so toxic?

“You don’t ship the love square because you’re an adult who doesn’t believe teenage love is legitimate”

I’m going to stop you there. Yes, I am an adult person who is aware teenage romance doesn’t have a great track record of being lasting in real life. But Miraculous Ladybug: Tales of Ladybug and Cat Noir is FICTIONAL.

If the writers decide on a convincing arc for Maribug and Adricat being “made for each other”, then yes, I will ship them. I considered them an OTP for years, actually.

UNFORTUNATELY there was a multi-season storyline of Ladybug keeping important secrets from Chat Noir that was not fully addressed and pushed aside.

UNFORTUNATELY as of the season 5 finale, we have Maribug lying to Adricat about his very existence as a son of Monarque and his status of being a Sentimonster.

So no. I don’t ship it anymore. And I’m actually kind of bummed this fictional relationship I invested in for years is dead to me.

[istoleyoursk1n]

Hi can you do halsin Gale and Astarion with a very explicit and flirty paladin s/o who looks super stoic and serious please?

Like they’re there standing stoic and menacing and then whispers in their ear the dirtiest pick up line ever?

Like I think they’d have a funny reaction!

Feel free to refuse ofc! Thanks anyways!

•❅───────────✧❅✦❅✧───────────❅•

How would Halsin, Gale, and Astarion react to a paladin who looks stoic/strict only for them to be an explicit and flirty?

(Damn, reminds me of my PaladinLMAO)

.

.

: ̗̀➛ ASTARION

“Oh, darling, and just when I thought you were as dense as a brick wall. I never could have guessed that beneath all that was a cheeky little flirt. All that dirt coming out of such a filthy mouth, you ought to have someone clean it out for you, my sweet.”

He was the one being the flirty ass at first, hitting on you in every teasing way he could think of with the hopes that perhaps someday he’d get a reaction out of you for his own amusement.

You never seemed to comment on his “advances” at first, you remained as stern as usual with little but a side glance to offer.

Probably got personally offended each time his usual charms failed but he was persistent. More so because he wanted to prove that he could truly seduce even the most stoic of hearts.

He made it his personal mission to make you crack, but along the way, he may or may not have fallen for you. Regardless, the realization absolutely horrified him.

Perhaps he just has the worst luck ever or you finally started to begin your master plan of turning the tables against him but nevertheless, he wasn't prepared at all for what you had in store for him.

He was already taking quite the liking to you, so the moment you began whispering such depraved yet smooth words into his ear, he was shocked and speechless for the first time in years.

His mind was practically breaking apart as you laid out every filthy thing you had in mind. He truly couldn't tell if this was utterly fucked or if he was somehow into it.

You would be the sole reason a tint of color finally appears in his otherwise undead skin. The tint being a bright shade of red of course.

He goes from being startled, angry, confused, flustered and then eventually hitting you right back with a little pick up line of his own once he’s finally calmed down.

Now both of you end up teasing and flirting with each other as sneakily as possible, both of you trying to outdo the other in terms of who could fluster whom the most.

: ̗̀➛ GALE

“I…oh gods, love, you truly don't understand the things you do to this heart of mine. Of all the weaknesses I could have possibly gotten, you are one I’d welcome with open arms. I have stood proud amongst a Goddess but for you? I’d fall to my knees.”

He was slightly intimated by you at first by how stoic you appeared to be. You seemed like a person who’d prioritize business and work above all else, repelling anyone with nothing more than a glare.

He wasn't even sure how to approach you, he was already admiring you from afar but he feared that you would have never felt the same. Not when it felt as if your heart was locked within walls of stone.

He tried to shoot his shot once or twice, but they were always met with a few words of acknowledgment or even worse, a mere nod.

As much as he wished to simply move on from his utter fixation on you, he can't help but pine. You’re something he's grown to truly desire in ways he could hardly express.

However, one way or another, every little attraction he’s felt for you thus far is revealed by him. Completely exposing just how smitten he truly is by you and perhaps that single moment of true vulnerability is what finally made you snap.

Pull him close and abruptly whisper every depraved fantasy and dirty pickup line you've thought of just for him and he’d die. I mean, melting right then and there into a puddle of shame.

For a man who talks too much, he suddenly becomes oddly quiet, his eyes wide with a certain gleam of helplessness that makes him look all the more exposed to you.

For once in his life he’s stuttering his words, barely even able to hang onto a sentence without having to take a moment to breathe or silently whimper out in a mix of embarrassment, confusion, and frustration.

Dropping one of your pickup lines would be just enough to have this man in a chokehold. Truly. It’s one of the only ways to actually silence him.

He’s not one for pickup lines but he’d try his damn best to voice out his admiration for you similar to how a poet would describe their one and only muse. Through each sweet whisper, you dare utter, he falls deeper and deeper in love with you.

: ̗̀➛ HALSIN

“My heart, I beg of you. Each word, each whisper, even the soft tingle of your breath against my skin- you are a walking temptation that I so longingly wish to taste. My blood runs wild when you are near and I fear what I may do to you if you if you continue on.”

He was hardly bothered by the fact that you seemed a tad bit uptight. He has met far too many people similar to you and he’s learned better than to judge someone based on appearances alone.

Doesn't change the fact that he was in fact attracted to you.

The thing is, he respects you too much to ever make a move. At least, not for a while. Most conversations you’d have with Halsin were of the friendly sort at first, prioritizing the mission at hand before anything else.

However, in truth, the way his eyes practically brightened and his breath ever so subtly quivered when you approached was something you could have slowly picked up on.

He eventually slides very discrete hints about his attraction toward you, simply testing the waters to see if you would reciprocate. However, he truly never expected you to actually take the bait.

Before he could even properly make a move on you, you were already whispering every one of your sweetly depraved desires into his ear, catching him completely off guard.

He knew that there must have been more beneath your hardened exterior but he would have never suspected this. But is he complaining? Absolutely not.

But do be careful when and where you decide to whisper such things to him because you may or may not be seconds away from being utterly ravished by one bear of a man against the nearest surface.

Do so in public spaces where it's safe to tease him, giving you the freedom to watch as his breath heaves and his voice breaks just by the smoothened words coming out of your dirty mouth.

Nevertheless, he’s absolutely obsessed with your little flirty remarks, said remarks being enough to fluster him instantaneously. All the lovers he had taken in his life and yet he had never met one who could madden him as much as you do.

•❅───────────✧❅✦❅✧───────────❅•

[cheesecakethots]

hiii I came across your blog and fell in love with your yandere illumi posts!! <3 can I ask how you think it’d be like if reader actually WAS pregnant and forced to carry the child to term?? if ur comfy ofc!!

ahhh thank you!!

tw// unwanted/forced pregnancy, implied noncon, reader depression, reader su1c1de attempts. this is SAD. just SAD. minimum comfort from this. also you have a baby and you don’t like it

this is the worst possible outcome

i try and kinda base reader off of how i would react in that situation, and my reaction would be BADDDD.

the second you realise that you’re pregnant you’re already making plans to throw yourself off the nearest balcony or down the steepest stairs in the manor. unfortunately, illumi is going to account for this. he’ll probably realise you’re pregnant before you even do, and soon enough the whole manor will be “baby proofed”.

there’s going to be butlers following you every step of the way, anything sharp is taken from bathrooms or your bedroom, even illumi has started to cut your food up for you. it’s extremely demeaning and only settles to make things worse.

you’ll start growing quiet as the pregnancy progresses, first out of spite and then out of genuine sadness. as far as you think, you’re truly just a womb to illumi and his family.

illumi will notice how depressed you’ve gotten, but he’s not exactly a comforting person. he’ll monotonously give you compliments, silently hand you bouquets of flowers, and tell the butlers to prepare your favourite foods as though any of those things are what you want.

occasionally, if his worry starts to grow, he’ll allow you outside into the garden for a couple of hours. he’ll even arrange a little allotment for you to plant your own. you might not even like flowers, or gardening, but the distraction is nice. if not, you can still wander the grounds, as though it can give you some illusion of freedom. it doesn’t.

illumi tells you that during your visits to the garden you’re truly on your own; no guards, no butlers, no maids, and none of his family watching. it’s not necessarily true. he’ll be behind you every step of the way, hidden in plain sight. he once believed you’d start appearing happy when no one was around, proving that it’s all a rouse and that you’re fine. he quickly discovered it wasn’t fake when the first time he watched you in the garden you found a bench and cried on it the entire time.

he starts to convince himself that when you give birth to his child you’ll recover, and you’ll love them and feel less lonely.

you don’t.

the birthing is messy, probably due to your stress, and it’s the first time anyone in the manor has seen illumi so nervous. it may not be obvious to you, but to those who have known him his entire life, it is.

you don’t love your baby. sometimes you can’t bring yourself to even look at it. you know that illumi and his family are going to be training it to be as bloodthirsty and murderous as them, so you tell yourself that there’s no point in even bothering trying to grow close with it.

in all honesty, you’re in for a fucking awful time. illumi might get irritated with your lack of love for your child. he might think another will make you feel less lonely. only when you stop talking and stop reacting entirely does he realise that he truly has broken you.

i don’t really enjoy writing about reader having kids because it would be my worst nightmare. literally horrifying. that’s why illumi is so damn scary, he’s having a child whether you like it or not.

if you do manage to get rid of it before you give birth, illumi is going to be fucking pissed. expect yourself to be taken into the basement for a week, at the minimum.

best case scenario for this is that reader can’t have kids. fuck this shit.

i could potentially see illumi turning away from his family and their insistence for him to have a bunch of kids, but only if your pregnancy was that bad. if you almost died during childbirth, i could imagine him being extremely shaken up about it, and may not want to see you that way again. that a very big if, though.

[tadpoles-and-daydreams]

I feel the need to say something. Whether that's because someone might need to hear it, or I just need to get it written down, I don't know and likely never will. Be warned that this post might come across as a little vent-y despite that not being its purpose.

Moral of this post in case you don't want to read it all; the gods are patient. They are kind. Sometimes, in ways you don't expect.

Currently, I am overthinking something. Badly. I can feel it boiling over, and at first I tried to keep it hidden from Loki because I deemed it cringe or bad. Unlovable in some way. (even though I make a point to never label anyone else cringe, this label is often applied to me when I feel self deprecative.)

Eventually I just gave up, because I figured they'd already seen it, and I admit I vented about it. They sat with me and listened, and I could feel that he's just... Distraught. Horrified that I think this part of me is unworthy of existing. He hates that I won't let him help, either.

But the reason I say that the gods are patient is this; I have yet to do a reading about it. I don't allow much in the means of direct communication when I'm talking about it, because I "could just be imagining it" and no matter what stance they take it's either what I want to hear or what I'm afraid of. Both of which I could see myself imagining.

Loki WANTS to help. I can feel him getting antsy, kind of. I almost finally grabbed my cards to do a reading with him tonight, but I'm too tired right now and, admittedly, I'm procrastinating. This is something I am actively beating myself up about, and Loki could absolutely be cruel. They could be my worst fucking nightmare. I know they won't, logically, but emotions are not often logical.

And yet they wait. They're sitting with me right now, I can feel it- and they're going to give me all the time I need. They're a deity, they have all the time in the world. If this were a human friend, and I had vented about this but not been willing to listen to their opinions, I know damn well I would not be given the time I need to prepare myself for that conversation. But Loki isn't human. So they wait until I can pick up those cards and face the fear head-on.

I'm reminded of someone saying that Loki will push you to be far more than you ever knew you could be. I think that's true. But I also think that there's something to say about how patient they are, just... Letting us grow ourselves, walking alongside us while we're fucking terrified, and understanding that these things don't happen overnight.

[zabala0z]

Welcome back to the first episode of “Listening to TMA S5, blind” I’m your beloved host and guys. Guys guys. I actually am freaking out.

MAG 161: Dwelling

I’m actually screaming. Hearing the old gang actually made me want to cry. SASHA. SASHA I MISSED YOU :(( also Elias: “I’d like to keep an eye out” you think you’re so fucking funny. I loved the very off key singing of Happy Birthday. Accurate. I wonder if Elias/Jonah sent the tapes for a reason. It’s definitely not to gloat. Is this apart of a wider web of manipulation? The Web style? Also, the fact Sasha could’ve been head archivist. Jesus

Hearing the description of the entities, that they don’t care enough to keep humanity fed and watered unnerved me a lot actually. I don’t know.

MAG 162: A Cozy Cabin

GERRY!!! Nice to hear him as a human, without all the ghost-like qualities. Although hearing Jon rewind the tape over and over and over and over again just made me feel bad.

And then Sasha and Tim.

“we had the ill-advised hookup, the awkward aftermath, and the gradually rebuilt friendship, but – that’s all season two stuff. We’ve got like five more seasons before we get the heartwarming epilogue that makes it canon.”

“No. You took it too far! I’m unforgettable!”

So what if I just ended it all?

Also Jon’s monologue. For a bit, I thought he was “knowing” one of Martins poems that he made during this since Martin was the one who did not like staying at the cabin but no, I was wrong. But time to see the outside world

MAG 163: In The Trenches

I wanna go back to the cabin.

I love TMA so much because of how the format switches up every season. Like season 1 was pretty simple enough with season 2 having Jon add in those supplementals and having a new setting (the tunnels). Season 3 cranks it up with having live statements from recurring characters, statements read by others, and dropping some lore. season 4, while similar to season 1 in terms of format, has Martin reading statements, more god damn lore and some new settings. And now season 5 has uh all this. It’s so amazing and I love it and I’m terrified.

Hearing Jon describe everything going on actuslly made me horrified. Like I got spooked out by the statements but this made me feel so much dread like I’m not even kidding. I also wanna know more about that weird ass doctor and the man with the red flower. Avatars of The Slaughter I presume.

Also that phone. ???? What???

MAG 164: The Sick Village

Gross. While the previous episode made me experience horror, this made me feel disgust. Disgust that just burrowed into my bones (get it. Cause..the episode-). I had such a deep instinct of repulsion. Like actually. I also read the triggers just cause you can never be too careful and I remember thinking, “how can xenophobia be involved with The Corruption?”…apparently xenophobia was very prevalent

Now I know where the whole “Martin’s middle name” thing comes from. I’m glad Basira is alive. And heart broken at the tragedy there is. She’s always chasing Daisy and Daisy is always chasing another thing SOMEBODY SEDATE ME

I think Georgie and Melanie are in the tunnels. It’s been established before that Elias can’t see in the tunnels which probably means Jon can’t see them. I’m glad they are safe. They need it.

Helen! Nice to see her again, I actually cackled when she said “check up on the happy couple”. Nice to see a confirmation about the relationship. This is like the worst time to be dating someone though 💀 Helen’s so happy. I’m sure she has a ton of people in her hallways. I don’t know if she’s lying about the “friend thing, but it’d be funny if she wasn’t

Okay. That’s everything. Sorry for the long wait, I had to take a break after season 4’s finale and then ANOTHER one after listening to the first 3 eps. This is like, actually heavy. Kinda draining. But god, I’m actually going insane.

I want to know how this is going to be fixed. Like. There’s gotta be some happy ending. ??? Right??? Please tell me there is one.

[dicenote]

touta matsuda

discuss

omg YES ty! This is gonna be a long, disorganized ramble, so bear with me!

Touta Matsuda. My blorbo, skrunky scrimblo, love of my life, etc.

There are so many things about Matsuda's character that I could talk about. His impulsivity, his loyalty, his uncertainty... All of it makes a very real and very interesting character. And I think that a lot of his traits shine in one of the most horrifying scenes from his perspective: the Yellow Box Warehouse.

Like, let's take a step back and look at the numbers here. On one side of the warehouse, we've got a guy claiming to be L, and the three members of the old Kira Task Force that he brought with him. On the other side, we've got a different guy claiming to be L and three members of the SPK that he brought with him (oh. and the guy from the Task Force that got kidnapped in the mix). Outside, Kira's accomplice is lying in wait. So we've got ten people in all who are ready for the final showdown. The reveal. The evidence that will finally end this years-long nightmare and point to the true identity of Kira.

And of those 10 people, only one of them doesn't have a clue who Kira really is.

Light is Kira. Mikami is X-Kira and finds out who Kira is as soon as he looks in the room. Near and the SPK are all on the same page. Mogi and Aizawa know. Ide's a bit more on the fence but he wasn't completely in the dark. So Matsuda is the only one who goes in totally blind.

If anyone were to re-write Death Note purely from Matsuda's perspective, the Warehouse scene would go from tense to horrifying. To (nearly) everyone else there, this confrontation isn’t meant to reveal an unexpected truth, it’s to confirm something that they already know. But for Matsuda? Near's request to meet at the warehouse is, at worst, a tactic to once again frame Light. Because Light obviously can't be Kira, right? Light will show Near that he's wrong, and the investigation will continue as normal until the real Kira is caught.

But then Near presents that irrefutable evidence, and everything that Matsuda knew for over five years comes crumbling down. Light starts monologuing about how the world had to be fixed and how no one could ever make it as far as he did. Kira and Light are one and the same. Matsuda always thought that Kira was a well-intentioned person who was helping change the world. Ide and Aizawa and Mogi believed that Kira was evil, they were much stronger in their resolve than Matsuda ever could be. But Light had confessed to him once that he too questioned if what they were doing was right. If Kira was doing right.

Light has always been Kira.

And then comes the absolutely tasty part where Matsuda shoots Light. I love how chapter 106 is called "Intent to Kill", because it reminds me of how Matsuda and Light are foils to each other. Better yet, they can be compared against a man they both held such deep respect for, Soichiro Yagami.

See, Soichiro threatens to kill people a good couple times, and even holds a gun to his son's face, but he never has any intent to kill. In fact, he's never killed anyone, as (I think) Mello points out. It's almost kind of silly. Like, Soichiro draws the line at firing bullets or writing full names in the Death Note, and that's it? Everything else is fair game? Weird line to draw, but go off I guess.

Light, meanwhile, justifies killing thousands. But only with the Death Note. With the Death Note, his intent to kill becomes a righteous one, another step on the path to becoming God of a New World. The criminals deserved to die. Those who get in Kira's way deserve to die. Because Light isn't a serial killer. He's doing the right thing! Crime is going down, war has stopped, and Light is the only one who could have possibly gone this far and done this much good.

And then we're back to Matsuda. I believe the mafia raid is the first time we see Matsuda using a gun, and we see that he's damn good at it. So good, in fact, that he's able to fire only non-lethal shots to get the Death Note back. (Also, fun tidbit: I'm pretty sure he's the only one who doesn't go into the raid with a rifle, he's just got like, a standard-issue cop pistol with a light on it.) The same thing happens in the warehouse, at least initially. He fires at Light's hand to get him to stop writing. Then he and Light yell at each other for a little bit about (who else?) Soichiro. Light demands that Matsuda shoot the others, because he's the only one who understands Kira. When Matsuda hesitates, Light resumes writing Near's name. Then Matsuda fires again and again and again. Anything to make Light stop. Anything to make it all stop. But it becomes obvious that he's not just shooting Light as a deterrent. What does Matsuda say as he's doing it?

"He needs to die!"

The others literally have to drag Matsuda away before he can execute Light on the spot.

Matsuda is a character full of contradictions. He dedicates over half a decade to fighting Kira, but he doubts the whole time. He tries to follow in Soichiro's footsteps but in the end makes the same justification that Light did when he first started writing in the Death Note. This man is a criminal. He deserves to die. The Yellow Box Warehouse not only exposed Light's true colors, but Matsuda's as well.

[tinyfishtits]

Heat Wave

Micah Bell / Female Reader

Summary: A heat wave rolls through Rhodes and the reader decides to shave their head, much to Micahs surprise. Word Count: 2,222 Rating: Teen and Up ~ for foul language Author's Note: For all my bald and buzzed girlies out there, this fluffs for you! A pretty gn fic, though a more fem reader makes sense for the reaction their buzz gets.

★ Read on AO3 ★ ☆ Masterlist ☆

“I think I’m dying.” I whined as Micah finally emerged from the general store. He leaned against an adjacent pillar, slowly looking me over as he stuffed his change into his pocket. 

“You look it.” He said, so matter of factly I could have slapped him if the thought of moving wasn't so abhorrent. The smug bastard must have walked straight out of the pits of hell to be so wholly unbothered by the heat. 

“Go… Fuck yourself.” I didn’t have the energy to go off on him like I really wanted. He had dragged me around the bayou all morning on some bogus treasure hunt that led to nothing but us trotting around in the sun for hours. And then the second we got back to camp Dutch just had to insist that he and I make a run into town for supplies. I could throttle them both. 

“How can you even stand it?” I lifted a hand, lazily gesturing to the leather jacket he wore. “I swear… You’re inhumane.” His lips twitched with a smirk.

“Here.” He flicked a few nickels into my lap. “Go get something to drink doll, I got one more thing to do.” I groaned, and he was off with no more than a chuckle. Building towns in the middle of this hellscape was a sick kind of torture. I never imagined I’d yearn for our time back in Colter, but getting stuck in a blizzard would be a godsend right about now. 

Every inch of my body was coated in sweat, my clothes sticking to me like I’d just crawled out of the swamp. I swear my feet even sloshed in my shoes as I finally got up and started walking across town to the saloon. I’d never felt so disgusting in my life. 

The worst of it though, by far, was my god damn hair. I could feel every fucking strand clinging to my skin, scratching my neck, getting stuck in my eyes and mouth… I wanted to rip it off my scalp. I wish I’d taken Mary Beth up on her offer to braid it this morning, if only so that it was out of my face. I’d never been one to put much effort into my hair or appearance, especially when compared to the other girls in camp.

“You look like ya could use a drink.” The bartender announced as I trudged into the saloon, face beet red and body drenched. What I really needed was a wash. “Y'all got a bath here?” I asked. The bartender just jerked his chin toward the door behind him and went on polishing the glasses. I didn’t take two steps before I saw it, a barber. 

“How much for a cut?” I demanded of the greying man that was half asleep in the barbers chair, a newspaper strewn out on his chest. “Wha- What? You want a… a haircut?” He slurred as he jumped out of the chair and looked me over, his expression less than amused. 

“Well you’re a barber aintchya?” The man just gawked at me. “How much?” I repeated, pulling the change out of my pockets and setting it on his work table. “I- Uh… Well-” He stuttered, obviously torn between the money and whatever misogynistic mindset kept him from seeing me as a worthy customer. 

“These your shears?” I asked, taking the cool metal clippers in my hand. His eyes widened as if I’d just picked up a gun. I rolled my eyes at him, Fragile fucking asshole, I murmured to myself as I brought the shears to my scalp and without a second thought, began cutting. 

My attempt at a shaved head was choppy at best, but boy… the relief! It was instantaneous. Every lock of hair that fell to the ground felt as if I was shedding layer after layer of clothes I didn’t even realize had been suffocating me until they were gone. By the time I was done I felt… Well, normal. I’d expected to feel weird at best, especially if the barber's horrified expression was anything to go off of. But I felt like me, just cooler and lighter and free . 

Knowing Micah, I had plenty of time to kill. So I indulged in a cool bath and even played some blackjack as I waited for him to finish whatever business he was up to. I’d turned two nickels into a few bucks by the time he sauntered into the saloon close to dusk. 

“Lookin’ for someone?” The bartender asked as Micah leaned against the bar, scanning the place for me. I watched from the balcony as he looked the room over, his eyes sweeping right over me without a second glance. He grunted, motioning for a beer. “A lady.” He answered, finally. “Ain't we all.” The barkeep replied with a laugh. 

“Micah.” I called as I made my way down the stairs. He locked eyes with me for a moment as he downed his beer and I saw the second the realization dawned on him. He almost choked, doubling over the bar as he violently coughed up his last swig of beer. 

“Holy-” He sputtered out between coughs, slamming his hand on the bar as he regained his composure.“Shit!” His eyes were wild the next time they met mine, scanning over my freshly shaved scalp in utter disbelief. “What the hell did you do?” Not feeling the need to state the obvious, I just smiled back at him as I joined him at the bar, rubbing a hand over my stubbly head. It was quickly becoming my favorite feeling. 

“I- I thought you was a man.” He said, eyes still fixed on my hair. “And I thought you were a lady…” I retorted, pulling on a strand of his long blonde hair. “Damn shame… Woulda made a sweet couple, you and I.” I teased, but he didn’t join in. “Oh come on, Micah. Big rough outlaw like you seen crazier things than a bald lady.” He just shook his head and ran a palm over his face. 

“I got you to thank, anyway.” I said and his eyes practically bulged out his head. “Probably wouldn’t have gone through with it if I wasn’t so damn hot and exhausted from our trek this morning.” He groaned. “Please… Don’t tell Dutch that. They’ll have my hide if they think I was behind…” He waved a hand at my head, “ this.” 

Silence dragged on between us, the bartender casting the occasional curious sidelong glance in our direction. “...Wanna touch it?” I asked, trying to keep things playful and light hearted. Micah in anything other than a cocky, sleazy, flirty mood always made me feel on edge, it wasn’t natural. So I fluttered my lashes at him for good measure.

“No.” He said gruffly. The pout I put on in response was only a smidge theatrical. He avoided looking at me, instead ordering another beer and thumbing through the newspaper he’d bought. I sighed, preparing myself for a long night of Micah getting piss drunk, at least maybe after a few drinks he’d be in a better mood. 

I debated ditching him and riding back to camp myself, but I didn’t want to face the gang just yet. I’d had time enough to prepare myself for Micah’s reaction, but I wasn’t ready for the barrage of questions from the girls and teasing remarks from others just yet. I felt… good. Better than I had in a long time. I didn’t want that soured so soon. 

A well dressed man at the piano began to play then, a jazzy, upbeat tune that brought the smile back to my face. The place was finally starting to liven up. Groups of men coming off work flooded in, the saloon’s working ladies quickly swarming around, bombarding them with promises of a good time. 

None of the men paid me any mind. Occasionally they’d do a double take in my direction, look me up and down with contempt clear on their face before seeking out the more feminine looking ladies. I was more than fine with this. Who knew all I had to do to avoid the unwanted advances from men my whole life was cut my hair off. Simple minded fools, I mumbled into my whiskey as I watched the couple dancing in the middle of the room.

Downing the last of my drink I jumped from my seat and started swaying to the music, letting the alcohol loosen my limbs and the music move them. Without a partner I mostly just twirled around, rolling my hips and shuffling my feet like I'd seen those belly dancers at the fair do. Though I was sure my interpretation was… underwhelming at best. 

Lost in music and whiskey, I didn’t notice until the fourth song that I was the only one left dancing. Most of the patrons ignored me, having moved on to gambling and securing someone to warm their bed for the night. But I couldn’t shake the feeling that a pair of eyes watched me. Still twirling, I scanned the bar's inhabitants for any prying eyes and found a familiar silvery blue pair watching me under the large, white brim of a hat. Micah sat facing me, his elbows perched on the bar, beer and newspaper forgotten. His attention solely on me as I danced, seemingly just for him. 

My movements stuttered a bit under his gaze and I started toward him, intent on asking him to dance when his head jerked up and he reached out to grab me by the arm. “Let's go.” He said curtly, not bothering to meet my confused stare before he pulled me with him toward the back door. A quick glance back at the bar was all I needed to understand, Lemoyne fucking raiders. 

We went on in silence down the dirt road, our horses a good ten minute walk away on the other side of town. The evening breeze blew over me and I jolted back, overcome with a full-body shiver. I could feel the wind in every single hair on my head. I’d never felt anything like it. Though he didn’t say anything, Micah kept turning to stare at me every few steps. His brows furrowed and lips pursed.

“Why do you keep lookin’ at me like that?” I finally asked and he stopped walking, his attention fully on me as I whirled around to meet his gaze. His eyes dragged slowly over my body, starting and stopping at my hair. I folded my arms on my chest, waiting for whatever bullshit he was about to spew at me. 

He took a step closer, his steely blue eyes locked on mine. “You’re bein’ so serious” I said, stifling the impulse to retreat a step as he closed the distance between us, “It’s… unnerving.” I finished and he huffed a breathy laugh, a crooked smile creeping at the corner of his lips. 

The music from the saloon spilled out onto the path we walked and in an attempt to lighten the mood, I reached for his hands. He pulled away, seemingly on instinct, then cautiously relented his hands to me. I took them and began to sway them back and forth, as if coaxing a stubborn child to dance. A big, stupid smile grew on my face as the grumpy outlaw gave in and wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me in closer and leading me in a proper dance. 

It was surprisingly… tender , the dance. Slow and intimate. Micah's strong, calloused hands didn’t restrain or force me, he just held me. I was fighting the urge to lay my head on his shoulder the whole time, all too aware of how close we were already. One hand occupied in his, I trailed the other up his arm, firm and muscled. I ran my fingers idly through his hair - the sensation already growing foreign to me - and he let out the softest moan. As if trying to conceal it he began to hum along with the music, his movements never faltering as he slowly twirled us around in the dirt. 

He was a rather good dancer, strong and confident in his steps. And for how grumpy he’d been at the saloon, dancing seemed to lighten his mood significantly. “You look… good.” He said suddenly and I stumbled, stepping on his foot. Pulling me back against him he continued, “Happy.” A bit shocked by his genuine compliment, I just repeated, “I look happy? ” He cleared his throat and hummed a response “Mmhm…” 

“So you’re not gonna start callin’ me sir or boy or nothin’?” I asked and his brows raised, “Tempting… But you already got a pet name, doll. ” I rolled my eyes, “I think I might prefer boy.” He laughed and this time, so did I. 

“Ready to head back?” He asked, our dancing slowing to a gentle sway. I hummed, wrapping my arms around his neck and resting my head on his shoulder in reply. Trailing a hand up to my scalp, he began to caress the short hair there. “So soft.” He murmured, and I just giggled into his shoulder. The feeling of his hand rubbing over my scalp was so heavenly, if I was a cat, I would have purred.

[moonfungers]

this is sort of random as hell but i can't help but think of like. a funger termina isekai fic. 💀 no but like. FEAR AND HUNGER IS THE WORST universe to be inside, really. it's all misery!!! pain!! suffering!! and i'm just picturing this like, regular person gets transported into the universe and just absolutely loses her shit bc she KNOWS, she KNOWS DAMN WELL exactly how she's screwed, far better than anyone else!! she's played the games dozens and dozens of times, died so many times, and now she's IN that setting, she's in that world, and death is now PERMANENT with REAL stakes. she knows the entire game like the back of her hand, but what does it matter, bc it's fear and hunger. there's only so much knowledge that can help you . .

in my head, in a lot of isekai fic and stuff, ocs tend to like, hide the fact that they know things? but i feel like a modern-day oc who gets transported into fear and hunger would be forced into a position where she has to be honest bc its the best chance of survival. this isn't a game where she can just follow the right steps, recruit the people, get them to do the things, this is now real and dangerous and terrifying, and she knows that she can't do it alone.

and i'm just picturing like. d1, she wakes up before everyone else, loses her shit, and then promptly refuses to let ANYONE leave the train. no no but like, also can you picture what im seeing, this woman just pacing back and forth frantically, very clearly losing it, and she's like "you fuckers are not going ANYWHERE, we are all traveling TOGETHER, bc you all do not understand how much danger we're in" and then the others are like, you know, the train just stopped, weird dream, they haven't even been to prehevil yet so they don't know how fucked up everything is over there, and now this random stranger is just losing her shit, they don't take her seriously bc honestly who would, and so she just. she just starts fucking putting them on blast

"o'saa i know you went into the dungeons and nasrah's with you" "pav you will SIT your motherfucking ass down, you do not stand a chance against the fucking kaiser and it isn't even the REAL one you fucking idiot"

"levi i know youre going thru like. withdrawal right now and its totally ok and we have a doctor here and i will get you some heroin if i need to but like please dont run off where i cant find you"

and just basically knows stuff she absolutely shouldn't know, and she's like "YOU GUYS GOTTA BELIEVE ME BC OTHERWISE WE WILL LITERALLY ALL DIE, DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND. there is only ONE way to guarantee us to live and im telling you this bc i know how screwed we are and i cant do it alone ive never even held a fucking weapon in my entire LIFE i just play video games at home-" and also how fucked up is it, that this isekai oc would know damn well that no matter what, someone has to die? like. you either kill everyone else and like get sulfurized/escape, you get moonscorched bc you run out of time, or someone has to become one with logic. aka to get the best "everyone lives" run, someone still needs to die

idk my brain just had this pop into my brain and won't let it go. it'd like, a cliche trope ofc, but i feel like in the context of fear and hunger, it'd be just so horrifying and awful and so WONDERFUL to read

bc its like, fear and hunger is a game series that we know damn well is a horrible like, UNIVERSE to be in, its depressing and awful for the characters who live in it, but can you imagine the ripe ANGST of having an isekai oc from our world go into it? they have our world as a reference point, in the way none of the other characters do, bc this is their world, they don't know anything else, how could they? but this isekai oc would just be so fucking-- innocent in the way the others aren't, bc she hasn't lived through the horrible F&H world and like, the dynamic there is so so interesting too bc all of the characters in termina, all of them on that train are AWARE or have been involved/done bad things, and this here is a character who hasn't, who hasn't seen blood or misery for her entire fucking LIFE. she'd be an "everyman" character by our standards, you know, but by their standards? she'd be such a fucking anomaly with the shit she says, the things she believes in. and also, you know, the fact she knows things about all of them and the situation they're in she has absolutely no right to know and its so SO interesting to think about, actually?? like genuinely losing my mind thinking about this rn

[chalterdh22]

Day 1: Joel, Tommy and Sarah Miller in “Anticipation” for Tickletober2024

Summary:  This takes place before the outbreak.  Sarah wants to go to a Ripley’s type museum where there’s a special section for medieval torture devices.  A volunteer is needed to demonstrate one, and Joel is it!!!

Warnings: This is a tickle fic, so if that’s not your thing, don’t read.  Some swearing.  All fluff.  Mention of torture devices, but no specifics.  Ler: M/F Lee: M

Joel and Tommy were walking through the museum, seeing all the crazy things people had done, found, lived in, etc.  Sarah was fascinated by it all and asked the guide a ton of questions.  It was just the three of them in this tour that Tommy had looked up and found.  He thought it would be a fun day trip for all three of them.

“And now, we are going into a more mature section, where we will see some torture devices used against unfortunate folk.”  The tour guide explained.  “This isn’t for the faint of heart, so please let me know if you want to skip this section.”

“Nah, let’s go see it!  Right, Sarah’s old enough!”  Tommy nudged Joel in the arm, nodding at Sarah, who was about 11 at the time.  She was smiling ear to ear at her dad, who had a look on his face like he wasn’t sure.

“Fine, fine, but I don’t wanna hear about you bein scared later, hear me?”  Joel said in a stern voice to his wide-eyed kid, nodding up and down fast.

“I won’t, I promise!”

“And if you can make it all the way through without being scared little lady, we had a special surprise at the end for kids just like you!”  the tour guy commented, looking down at Sarah.

With excitement, all three of them went through the rows of horrible devices used.  Joel was more interested in how contraptions actually worked.  Sarah wasn’t scared, but horrified at what people did to each other.  Tommy on the other hand was like a big kid, pointing and reading everything out loud, laughing.

“Well, young lady, you did so well, so we have a surprise for you.  I need you to pick one of these gentlemen right here to demonstrate the final torture method!”  He leaned in and whispered something to her which made her grin ear to ear.  She nodded.

“Daddy, I want Daddy to do it!”  She pointed excitedly at Joel, who was shaking his head no, even though he had no idea what was about to happen.

“No, nu-uh.  Ya aint strappin me into any of this shit!  No way!”

“Oh, come on big brother!  It’s not like they can actually do anything to hurt you.  It’s probably just to show how something could work is all!”  Tommy explained, and Sarah shaking her head yes.

“Please dad!  He asked me to pick the strongest out of you two and I picked you!”  Tommy immediately shot his head to his niece giving her a fake hurt look. “Come on!  It’ll be fun!”

Joel crossed his arms and huffed.  Then he took his hand and scratched the back of his head, still thinking.  “I dunno….” He trailed off.

“Damn Joel, I never knew you to be a chicken!”  Joel shot a glare at Tommy, who was clucking like a chicken now.

“Fine, fine.  Let’s get this done!  I’m hungry anyway!”

“Alright sir.  Come onto the stage with me.”  Joel walked over to a small stage and a chair with straps was rolled out by two masked figures.  “Have a seat right here, will ya?” Joel sat reluctantly down, looking around as if something would jump out.  He was sweating and nervous.  Sarah had the biggest smile he’d ever seen, and that couldn’t be the best news, but he loved to make her happy, so he relaxed in.

“Ok, Joel is it?”  Joel nodded yes.  “Here’s how this is going to work.  We are going to strap your arms to the sides of the chair, and they will stretch out.  It shouldn’t be uncomfortable though.”  He pointed to the sides.  “Then we will put a seatbelt on you around your waist and chest so you can’t move.  Do you understand so far?”

“Yeah, I get it, strapped down.  So, then what?”  Joel asked in an aggravated voice.

“Well, that’s the kicker.  Some of the worst torture is the not knowing.”  The guide walked around back to the front and the two masked men started strapping Joel down.  Then a crank started moving and the side rests moved up so his arms we at a T now.  You could see the sweat dripping from Joel’s head, just waiting in anticipation on what would happen next.

As this was happening, the guide had something in his hand.  “Ok, sir, we are now going to put a scarf around your mouth so you can’t talk.”

“Wait, what?”  Joel shot his head right at the man holding the scarf.

“Oh, come on dad, it’ll be fun!”  Sarah yelled out.

“For who?”

“Me!!!”  Sarah shot back.  Tommy was smiling as well.  He loved to see others get the upper hand on his big brother.  It usually never happened. 

Joel sighed.  “Joel, we will only do this for one minute and then we will stop.”

Joel sighed long and hard.  “Fine, let’s get on with it then!”  The scarf was tied around his mouth tightly.  Joel muffled in it, but you couldn’t hear what he said.

“Now, ladies and gentlemen,” the guide yelled out like he was talking to a hundred people.  “The moment you have been waiting for!  The Tickle Chair!!!”

Joel’s head shot forward and yelling through the scarf was happening, but you couldn’t understand it.

Tommy started laughing hard and slapped his knee.  He knew how ticklish Joel was, way more than himself.  And he hated it!!!  He always thought it was because he couldn’t control himself.

“Please step on up, you two!  One on each side!”  Sarah skipped up next to her helpless dad and Tommy did as well, never breaking eye contact with his brother.

“We are going to destroy you Joel!!!  Ya better be ready!”

“Remember, just one minute than you stop!”  Joel was fiercely making noises, shaking his head no and pulling hard at the restraints.  “Don’t worry Joel.  We haven’t lost anyone yet!”  He pulled out a timer.  “Ready, three, two, one, and go!”

Neither Sarah nor Tommy waited.  They both dove right at his sides, digging hard.  Joel’s body would have flown off the seat if it wasn’t strapped down.  He was screaming in his gag, red in the face and sweat in his eyes.

“What was the game you used to always play, countin ribs or something?”  Tommy looked at Sarah.

“Oh, yeah, dad.  You always wanted to know how many I had!  Let’s count yours!  One, two, three….”  She slowly took each little finger and massaged each rib before moving onto the next, as he was twitching.

“Well, while you do that, I’ll get his legs!”  Tommy said almost with too much excitement in his voice.

If that scarf wasn’t in Joel’s mouth, he would have spewed the most hateful things ever, but would have been laughing the whole time, which wouldn’t have been as threatening.  He felt like his head was going to explode.  Every rib was poked by Sarah’s tiny fingers and Tommy’s big hands were squeezing both his thighs and above his knee caps.  It felt like longer than a minute too!

“You have 30 more seconds!”  Tommy started squeezing both the inside and outside of his thighs and above his knees.  He knew exactly where to get his big brother from years of tormenting each other.  Joel couldn’t stand to be tickled because he felt like less of a man.

Joel yelled no in his muffled gag but kept throwing his head back.  Then he felt a jolt of lightening like he hadn’t felt before.  Tommy’s hands reached up and started pinching in his armpits.  This was by far his worst spot. 

He was bargaining with his brain not to die like this.  He knew he wouldn’t, but just in case.  He could not move his arms an inch.  Tommy’s hands were poking and proding into the hallows of his arm pits and he couldn’t shoot them down.

Sarah’s little hands moved onto his belly, which didn’t tickle near as much, but Tommy knew exactly where to strike.

“Three, two, one and stop!”  They both pulled their hands back immediately.  The scarf was removed.  Joel’s head slumped over his limp body and the straps were being removed.  A bottle of water was brought to him, which he took with very little strength left.

He put his head in the palms of his hands, breathing heavily, not saying a word.  “Congratulations Joel, on your first Tickle Chair experience!  How was it?”

Joel took a swig of his water and looked up slowly at both his daughter and brother, shaking his head left and right, licking his lips.  “You two are so dead.”  He said quietly.

Both Sarah and Tommy stepped back together, taking each other’s hands.  Joel finally standing up, gaining more strength. 

“Well, that’s the end of the tour!  I hope you had fun today!”  Just as he finished his sentence, Joel chased down Tommy, right past Sarah. 

“You’re next!”  Sarah heard Joel scream.  She started walking to the door laughing. 

“We might be back and go through it again!”  Sarah said looking back at the tour guide.

“Sorry, one show a day.”

“We’ll see you another day then!”

The end.

[gsabt]

AGOT; Prologue

Preface

Welcome to my first installment of a totally unoriginal concept! You can call me G, Sab/Sabi, Mia, I really don’t care. You’ll probably call me a whore after this first post to be fair!

I think over time I’ll perfect these posts since I was never fully sure of how I wanted to format things. Obviously it’ll be about the chapter and my thoughts however I won’t be divulging everything in the chapter because y’know… it’s pretty cheap to buy and if you’re feeling a little Greyjoy it’s easy to find over on the high seas but hey, I won’t tell if you won’t. I’ve read both AGOT and ACOK start to finish and even got into ASOS when I was around 15-17. Now as a much older adult, I decided to hop back in and check on my ex-bf Jon Snow who is now very younger than me and I wish GRRM would fix that desperately.

Anyways I’ve been wanting to do this for a while, pretty much since I started my main blog earlier this year but I have a career and whatnot. Let’s get started cause I need to shut it already. Be warned, there will be spoilers and I may lightly discuss theories when they tie into chapters in the later books.

I’m not surprised that right from the first line, my loud mouth already has commentary.

“We should start back,” Gared urged as the woods began to grow dark around them.

Like yeah, you’re nuts for wanting to check this out, Waymar, pack it up babe they’re dead! Speaking of Waymar it’d hit it till the wheels fall off. Back on track. I have always enjoyed how immersive George’s writing was, people have told me how my own writing is very Tolkien-like which I think is totally brown-nosing but thank you anyway. The seamless immersion every time I read this chapter is unbelievable as I’m the type of person to ‘see’ things I read in my head practically being played out if that makes sense.

This chapter is scary and it damn well should be. These three Nights Watch men are trekking through the Haunted Forest tracking wildlings that are claimed to be deceased by Will, our POV character for the prologue. He’s having the worst night of his life being stuck between Gared and Waymar, the latter being very douchey and picking at Gared but what I said earlier still stands. Till the wheels fall off.

I also think Waymar getting to be the commander of this ranging after only being in the NW for about 6 months is telling of the Nights Watch and the influence of nepotism but of course, that’s my opinion. Waymar is continually an asshole to Gared who is clearly played into the wise elder trope. This is a man that’s lost pieces of himself during the freezing cold winters, something Waymar has never experienced. I do feel greatly bad for Gared, having to deal with a ‘man’-child and I say it like that because I believe it’s 15 that boys are considered men which I clearly don’t agree but I mean… pop off feudalism.

The way the Others are written makes me so uncomfortable. I’m made aware of how sentient these beings are despite they share no common tongue (as far as we know) with the human characters in this chapter. They know their abilities and are confident of it when it comes to fighting Waymar.

The Other’s parry was almost lazy.

Waymar’s death was certainly a downer, especially with the sword shard getting into one of his eyes (the left I believe). But Will’s death certainly hit a little harder. I can’t imagine trying to leave and suddenly your commander who you believe to be dead just rises and stands behind you, looming like a tower of dread. It’s a feeling I know from experience and it’s horrifying. Big G hardly misses and after my 4th reread of this prologue it’s safe to say that I still thoroughly enjoy it.

[connisk]

(Fanfic that I really like by @kitsunefyuu )(strongly recommend)

Something about this mental image of AFO dressing izuku in fancy clothes, like very dear doll, just stuck with me. And I felt like drawing a few of the more feminine outfits since every one of them has some kind of meaning to the story.

The first more feminine outfit was the one izuku chose specifically when he tried to convince his father to let him go to UA.

"Dad, I want to go back to a real school and make actual friends," Izuku spoke bluntly. Trying his damn hardest to keep himself calm as he asks, and had even prepared himself with his dads favorite outfit. It was a traditional green Hanfu dress with flowers. More than aware it is for women, but it isn't as if it matters in a home where the only company he's allowed is his father.

Absolutely creepy, but in sweet way. As he doesn't care about what he supposed to be wearing and enjoys everything, but at the same time trying to persuade his father to what he wants with it.

The second outfit I drew was the black dress he wore when he accidentally met his childhood friend. And it escalated quickly to the worst

Maybe Izuku was desperate for some kind of recognition. To gather a fraction of the past that his father took him away from after all these years. That he dug far back to that nickname he hated even if didn’t want to say that name as Kacchan was about to leave, “How about Deku?”

Now that seemed to trigger something and a curiously amused expression showed on Bakugou’s face. The recognition sparked in his eyes as a loud hum escaped him.

“Oh yeah! Deku must explain why you look like a weird doll,” Katsuki said with amusement.

Izuku felt a stab in his chest at the other words.

This happened right after izuku ran away from his dinner with his father. Naturally he was wearing a dress. I can't find the exact quote but I remember it being described as dress with a ribbon. Maybe it was just my imagination, but izuku wearing a dress and looks like a doll, Plus kachan recognizing him by his old nickname just felt very symbolic. Like Deku will never be more than just a doll for others.

The last image, and the one I liked the most was izuku wearing his school uniform.

"Dad! Can you grab me my uniform!?"

(...)

Izuku doesn't even check what the man brought feeling pretty good right now. Though clearly, he was going to end up late so he just throws it on.

(...)

"Sorry he's just- Well he's excited I have a friend," Izuku noted only to realize Shoto was looking at him up and down. "What? Is something wrong?" Ugh, did he not put on enough makeup? Did he put the uniform on and mess up his hair? Izuku felt nervous at his friend's suddenly very critical gaze wondering if he needs to run back home to fix up-

"You look nice,"

(...)

Though when he arrived at the school Izuku felt like he was getting a LOT more looks than normal. To the point if he was honest he kind of felt almost anxious about it as while attention can be nice it felt more like they were weirded out. Wondering why that is the case, he worked hard on his appearance! Even Shoto said he looked nice, did he miss something? "Hey do I look weird?" Izuku questioned wondering why people were staring knowing his friend would be honest. Shoto glanced around a bit then back at him in confusion before a light bulb seemed to register. Those eyes light up as he finally decides to answer the question.

"Probably because you're wearing the girl uniform?" Shoto questioned. As if he hadn't just revealed the most horrifying thing Izuku could have done. The innocent way his best friend didn't even think to point out the uniform was for a girl.

The betrayal izuku felt. For his father it was simply a joke. For izuku it was world shattering. How he took izuku's trust and played with it.

Shoto, with his pure heart didn't question it.

I reason chose to give izuku white hair even when he supposed to still have his green is because he's under his father's manipulation. From the moment his mother died his father was everything to him and he was everything for hisashi.

And still, he plays with izuku's life like he's some kind of doll. Just because he doesn't see a problem with it. But for izuku it affects everything.

[hasufin]

Ad astra, non planetarum

With current talk of the pipe dream of colonizing Mars, I'd like to put forth a more realistic notion:

We are never going to colonize other planets at all.

Now, I'm not saying we will give up on space and stick on this little ball of rock. I mean, yes, it's a pretty nice ball of rock and it's well-suited to us, but there are Damned Good Reasons to not limit ourselves.

However, it's a really nice ball of rock, in terms of human life. Uniquely so. To the extent that it's kind of silly to think of Humans as independent organisms. We are part of this ecosystem. I think it's fair to say Earth's ecosystems would largely continue without us - we are not a keystone species in most cases - that ecosystem is crucial to our survival.

We are uniquely suited to, and reliant on, Earth conditions in ways which are both obvious and subtle.

It's not hard to replicate straightforward things like temperature, pressure, and atmosphere. We're at the point where we can - with risks, to be sure - create shirtsleeve conditions both on the ocean floor and in space. Gone are the days of Oxygen-only environments for space, and exotic gas mixes aren't obligatory for deep sea exploration.

That's enough for brief little excursions. For longer time periods, though, that's not enough. Earth's Van Allen belts and ozone layer protect us from the worst of cosmic radiation (fun fact! Apollo astronauts reported seeing bright flashes. This was due to high energy particles passing through their eyes! This is horrifying!).

There's also the microbial world. Now, a controlled environment has some advantages - people don't get the common cold at the South Pole, because everyone who goes there undergoes quarantine and screening so they don't bring in unwanted bugs - but you need your gut bacteria, your skin mites, your yeasts. There's even the old friends hypothesis that you need some exposure to allergans so your immune system doesn't freak out. So a fully-controlled long-term environment has some potential issues there.

But we haven't even touched the big one: gravity. Humans evolved on a nice 1g planet, and living a long time in lower G is... not great. Technically the ISS and other orbital habitats are not in zero G, they're in freefall, but the effect is (probably) the same. It has significant effects on bone density, lymphatic drainage, and cardiovascular health, just to name a few things.

Some of these issues can be ameliorated. I recall discussing with a friend how to handle the radiation issue - I was coming up with a design for a hypothetical P5 containment facility out at a LaGrange point - and he suggested sintered lunar dust as shielding. Because in the absence of a planetary dynamo generating a magnetic shield, you need a lot of mass to block that sort of stuff.

And sure, we'll probably work out the microbial stuff. The gravity, though... we do kinda need it. And so far there's exactly one way to generate gravity: a centrifuge. Which could be adapted to operate on a planet, but would be an engineering challenge. It would be necessary, though, as the only planets with surface gravity even close to Earth's are Venus and (with caveats vis a vis their lack of a "surface") the three outermost gas giants. And I cannot even go into how difficult it would be to build a habitat on Venus. So you couldn't have people permanently living on one of the other planets - they'd have to rotate out every few months, and even then have permanent health issues.

Not to mention that those other planets all have their own issues. For example, moon dust turns out to be terribly abrasive and gets everywhere, which is bad for equipment. Martian soil is full of toxic perchlorates. Venus is... well, Venus. Mercury is at times inside the solar corona. Not only is Mars a bad place to raise your kids, so are the other planets.

What I'm getting at is, in order to have a habitat on any other planetary body, we'd necessarily need to have a fully-realized supporting space station. A habitat in space which provides not just heat and atmosphere, but has a functional facsimile of a Terran ecosystem, is largely a closed or at least self-sustaining system in terms of food and water, provides gravity, has appropriate radiation shielding, and addresses whatever other unknown unknowns we have with extraterrestrial habitation. Some of the solutions can be put on a planetary body, but only a few are easier to implement on a planet, and some may not be possible on a planetary body at all. Moreover, before we could do them on a planet we'd inevitably have to build them all in a space station at the same place anyway.

Which means that you decide you want to go to Mars. Or Epsilon Eridani. Whatever. You build a pretty comfortable space station, you park it in orbit. Then you decide to build an inferior habitat on the planet below. At which point you need to address the exorbitant cost of going in and out of a gravity well. And for what? Bragging rights?

I'm reluctant to cast this strictly in economic terms, but from where we are right now, it looks like it will never make sense (assuming humans remain as biological entities) to colonize other planets: we will always have to build something better first, and a planetary habitat will be both more expensive and inferior to a space habitat.

[pandorasboxoftreasures]

I BRINGETH!

Hate to admit it, don’t wanna name names. 

But the level of structural accuracy of canon Na’vi character fanart MUST improve.

It’s been 6 months now. And I still keep seeing some very high quality art in amazing styles, however, the characters themselves are severely lacking in their accuracy.

I’ve been pointing out what I can about the worst victim of this, Recom “Ritch” Quaritch, and I’ve noticed people have been paying more attention and noticing these little things on their own. It’s great seeing artists working hard and perfecting their skills.

I hate as an artist to have to say that it’s not been enough for quite a lot of artists I’ve seen so far. I know everybody is improving and working hard. Including myself. And everyone has to start drawing Na’vi somewhere.

But I think I need to nudge things along a bit more. And I recently discovered a new way that may help.

Using a painting filter to basically give each character human-ish skin and eyeballs. (Unfortunately only in one light tone which is very frustrating but I guess it’s consistent and the lighter shade will make details harder to miss in different lighting situations) Clearing up the beautiful to observe but visually cluttering to study and paint details and colour palettes. Some of you may find this horrifying, I dunno. A warning anyway.

For months whenever people tell me “He’s ugly in the movie!” I’d rebuke with “He’s classically beautiful. Like works from the Italian and Dutch masters. Like the ancient sculptures of Rome. Slap him down on a couch in front of Da Vinci or Michelangelo and they’d piss themselves with sheer awe.”

Well, here’s the proof... kinda... using screenshots I’ve collected and made myself in as many angles as I could fit together for now with different levels of quality until I can get my 4K inputs sorted :

STOP JUST PAINTING HIM BELOW THE NECK!  YOU HAVE NO EXCUSES NOW!

Try rendering him similar to this in your target or individual style, and THEN put the Na’vi detailing on top. See if it makes a difference.

Granted, the filter only worked on some angles (I have more images to add later too) and it did make some very minor alterations, I did my best to mimise them, regardless take note. And it couldn’t get every little crease. But with how much missing the mark there’s been anyway, I guess aiming for this is still better than the status quo (again not naming names except for maybe myself).

I’m gonna be doing this with other characters, too. I simply figured starting with him would both be the best test as to whether this would help as well as fight the tide of “this artwork is amazing but who the hell is that guy” disease.

It might also be worth my while to morph these together and see what I get. 1 uniform face for each character. Guess I’ll see what happens with the others.

Note the other posts I’ve made about the finer details like moles and freckles past and future as companions to this one. 

I’ve also got another post coming up about the consistencies and differences of the patterns in the bioluminescent freckles each Na’vi subspecies has so watch out for that if you’re interested.

(SO GLAD TO BE ABLE TO SHOW HOW VISUALLY DISTINCT HE IS FROM HIS HUMAN DONOR, TOO! LIKE DAMN. THEY HAVE THEIR SIMILARITIES OF COURSE BUT I SHOULD PROBABLY DO THE SAME TO HUMAN QUARITCH SEE WHAT SHOWS UP)

UPDATE HOLD UP I THINK I FIGURED OUT A BETTER WAY OF DOING THIS BY USING THE PAINTING FILTER AS A BRIGHTNESS LAYER WITH THE ORIGINAL IMAGE COLOURS UNDERNEATH BEHOLD MUCH BETTER RESULTS AND NOT HUMANWASHING I’LL TRY AND REDO THE ORIGINAL IMAGES THIS WAY:

[lovesickramblingsofmine]

It all feels so damn scary right now. So much is changing. And that's not new, I graduated and entered a new chapter of my life, and I could deal with that. My dad's the worst he's ever been by far, and while tough I could deal with that. I'm taking my biggest leap ever and starting a full-time job in something I think I'll be good at but that I'm not qualified for at all, and I could deal with that. I'm looking to move out for the first time soon, and I could deal with that. But now I realize that my closest friend-group is dissolving, and I don't think I can deal with that too.

I'm realizing how much of a rock that has been for me, I've had all these things happen, but my friends have always had my back, they've always been there. And I have the very best of friends. And I understood intellectually that they were all moving away, but I clearly hadn't internalized it. It's horrifying, my emotional safety-net is going away, and now I don't know if I can deal with all the other stuff any more.

The people who matter most in this regard, who have held me up and been my rocks are all going. And how am I supposed to be okay now? I have hinged so much of my well-being on having these the best of friends. And now they're all going.

And I know that this is just life, your early twenties are for leaving and living and exploring. But fuck, too many things are changing and I feel like when this log was pulled away it might lead to the entire pile floating away. I'll see how I feel tomorrow when I've rested, I hope it'll all seem better then.