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taestheticcus · 4 years ago

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This is the first time I’m addressing anything over here. But what I am going to address is surely not something which is new to any of us and it will be really nice if you read it. I know it’s long but please, if you ever loved One Direction, read it. :)

So one of the most popular bands in the WHOLE of known universe had its 10 year anniversary and I, as a super proud and happy directioner looked forward to that day with all my heart and eagerness. Of course we were clowning, I mean c’mon, this is the band that makes money off the hopes it gives us of reuniting, but still I will never stop loving them because the memories I have attached with them are too precious to just be forgotten about, even if the band doesn't physically exist anymore.

The day and the week (you might say), was rather filled with a burst of energy and extreme love that we feel for them and every time a member of the band posted a picture or tweeted, we lost it. We screamed “I love you” over more than a thousand times, got extremely frustrated because the fandom that can hack through security cameras and (supposedly) find out their passport pictures, is not able to goddamn open an envelope (which turned out to be the Where We Are Tour which I’m sure all of us have at least seen once) and cried our eyes out while scrolling through the website they created, watching the same video diaries, interviews and music videos that we now know by heart. But to our disappointment, we didn’t get anything more than a video, which barely lasted 5 minutes (and here comes the thing that stings the most) no post from Zayn.

Now I myself was extremely mad at the fact that he didn’t post anything. Not even a story or a small tweet and very honestly I called him names too. I feel nasty now for doing that because it IS a hard pill to swallow that he DOESN’T need to post anything to show us his respect for the other boys and the band. He owes it to himself and NOT us. Him posting or not posting anything doesn’t change his love and how thankful he is to us. I know that without “us” he won’t be so famous, but without us he won’t have suffered through racism and Islamophobia. Of course not all of us contributed to that but the fact that some of us did, the “fans” of the band, who did say horrible things here and there DID affect him, even when there were thousands of us believing the opposite. When you belong to a minority in a group, especially a minority that has been condemned and treated harshly over years, it’s hard to overlook the people criticizing you.

He was heavily whitewashed while he was in the band and the management went to the extent of telling him that he doesn’t need to answer anything related to his religion in any interview because they knew it would attract hate and they didn’t want such a “petty” issue to interfere in their monotonous-don’t take any musical input form the members-be the perfect band-money making strategy. But in one interview Zayn shared “I believe that your religion should be between you and whoever your belief is in. I don't think you should stick it in people’s faces.”

But being a Pakistani- British heartthrob, no one would allow him privacy. His tweets about spreading awareness about events like #FreePalestine and retweet in support of Peshwar were unnecessarily over thought and some media outlets suggested that Zayn is talking about all of this because he is somehow more involved in those incidents. As if he is not a human who could just have compassion towards them.

Being in One Direction, he wasn’t allowed to promote anything that showed his Muslim side and was asked to appeal more to white teenagers. This is ridiculous because they are already controlling the music that they sing and suppressing them in so many ways, that they decided to enforce power of looking after how they dress and look too.

When a video of Zayn and Louis smoking marijuana leaked online, Zayn received the most backlash, regardless of the fact that Louis used a racial slur (nigger). Let’s not forget how he was coined the ‘Bradford Bad Boy’ since the beginning because he was an introverted mysterious guy.

“The leaked promotional promotion of This Is Us put him in a box of being the “poser” and all other sorts of bad boy villian image in contrast of the positive descriptions of the other members. Curious how the only brown guy in the group gets the worst narrative.” A source states

Zayn has faced countless parody songs like “Zayn did 9/11″ by Uma Kompton, taunting tweets suggesting he’s a terrorist and joke about him leaving 1D to join ISIS.

But as we all know why he left 1D, since he developed an anxiety problem and eating disorder because of the absolute bullshit he went through, he is said to have caused disruption among the fanbase of One Direction. Some of the fans only want Zayn to be successful as long as he is a puppet of the toxic One Direction “brand.” Although fans encouraged him to speak up more about his problems while being a part of the band, they were outraged and stated his actions to be traitorous, when he left the band to cut himself off the suppression he was under and freely speak about it.

“Strangely enough, aside from Liam, Zayn’s former bandmates have never publicly defended him from discrimination. Perhaps that’s the result of their PR team’s instructions, but it is sad to see that the issue has largely been swept under the rug. The objective for the One Direction machine has always been to make as much money as possible in the shortest amount of time—not to make much of a social or political impact. But Zayn has the potential to do exactly that.” A source says.

Recently he told Vogue, “I was raised in the Islamic faith, so it will always be with me, and I identify a lot with the culture. But I’m just me. I don’t want to be defined by my religion or my cultural background.”

Surely we can say that he really believes in that and that’s why he said it openly, but a part of me can’t help but think that he is saying this and forcing himself to believe this because he has been discriminated against so much.

If we command that he posts something about how “amazing” his journey has been when he was in the band, the truth still remains the same that it wasn't an amazing journey. He loves the boys, he loved the exposure and the opportunity to some extent too and has always expressed his gratitude and gratefulness to them and the fans, but ITS OKAY if he doesn’t post about it.

You can say that without the fans he would have been a nothing, but don’t you think he already knows and acknowledges that? Don’t you think he knew that his fans might turn their back against him when he will depart from One Direction and still ended up leaving the band? Don’t you think he knew that he will practically face a different fan base now or that if worst comes to worst he will not have a lot of fans and might actually end up being a failure? People did turn against him but he doesn’t give a shit anymore because he cares about his mental health.

So, understand that he is always very grateful to all the love and support that he has been showered and will always mention it while in a concert or when he is winning an award, or tweet once or twice about it or randomly bless us with his face on Instagram, but don’t throw shade on him because it’s a day where he is “supposed” to post. He is already suffered enough, cut him some slack when he is finally happy and growing and healing and having a baby.

Let him be. Let him be free of all the hate we have held for our selfish reasons. Please.

#personal #zayn malik #harry styles #louis tomilson #niall horan #liam payne #one direction #solo 1d #solo zayn #zayn #harry #louis #liam #niall #respectforzayn #1d #10 years of one direction

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sweetoothsuggestions · 5 years ago

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Self Harm and Recovery

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Read With Caution

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Hello all, this is a post I wrote two years ago on amino and I wanted to put it onto this platform as well. I wanted to create a post on mental health, self harm specifically. It’s a difficult topic, but I feel it’s important to address and provide resources for those in the community.

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Please keep in mind this blog will not include everything, and it is important to seek professional guidance.

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Table of Contents

If header is marked with ‼️it is a warning for possible triggering content

1 • What is self harm / Spotting it‼️

2 • Coping Mechanisms

3 • Accepting Help

4 • Resources (apps, helplines, websites)

5 • What to do if a family member, friend, or classmate is struggling

6 • Glorification and Romanticism‼️

7 • Recovery and Relapses

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‼️1 • WHAT IS SELF HARM?‼️

If you’re currently dealing with self harm, I recommend skipping this header. This section will be discussing different forms self harm can take.

When an individual deliberately hurts themselves physically, this is self harm. It is considered a result of poor coping mechanisms when dealing with emotional or physical distress. It is important to acknowledge that self harm isn’t always the result of societal factors, and is often internal. Regardless of how self injury is influenced, it is a serious issue and important to address.

• Cutting

(Click title for more info) There are different methods of self harm, however the most common form is referred to as cutting. This is typically when an individual takes a razor or sharp object and damages their body. Most self harmers who cut, make slits on their wrists, thighs, stomach, or chest. This form of self injury is typically the quickest to escalate, as one gets more comfortable with this practice they will often begin going deeper and cutting more frequently.

• Burning

Another common form of self harm is burning, done in various ways. A burn mark can often be swollen and filled with pus, or more discreet and appear as a reddish brown patch of skin. With darker skin tones a burn can appear lighter or more faded as well. It’s important to realize that not every burn is self harm, most self harm burns are on the hand or leg.

• Bruising

When bruising, an individual will hit objects against parts of their body. This creates bumps and dark circles where created. This is typically done on the hands or leg.

• EDs

ED is an abbreviation for eating disorder also known as anorexia, while typically placed in a separate category of mental health, also relates back to self harm. However, EDs are very different than typical self Injury and really deserve a separate explanation, I will be briefly covering it as I did the other methods as it is important to acknowledge.

Like all forms of self harm, EDs aren’t always apparent. They consist of an individual struggling with body image (or dysmorphia) who take drastic measures to lower their weight. This includes forcing themselves to throw up (Bulimia), constricting calories, and skipping meals. This regularly hospitalizes those with anorexia and stands as one of the most difficult recoveries.

There are many other ways someone will self injure, these are solely the common ones. Other forms include:

• Hair Pulling

• Biting (Forum Discussion)

• Skin Picking

• Piercing

Okay, so that’s all that. I know it’s hard to read these things (as to why there are the tws) but I honestly think it’s really important people are aware of this. A lot of signs go unnoticed, and with self injury it’s especially important to catch early on.

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2 • COPING MECHANISMS AND ALTERNATIVES TO SELF HARM

There are many different coping mechanisms opposed to self harm, below are several common ones. Keep in mind these are not a substitute for seeking treatment, it is still crucial to seek professional help.

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Take a long shower or bath to relax and calm down

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Wash the Dishes / Cleaning and Keeping yourself preoccupied

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Create a playlist or mixtape of your favorite songs

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Drawing and Painting

(Or) on your skin (using a marker or pen with a blunt tip) or on paper to get feelings out peacefully

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Write about how you feel

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Take a run or move around

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Text or call someone you love

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20 minutes rule

“My therapist recently told me about this one. She said that when I'm feeling an urge to cut, if I can wait 20 minutes the urge will lessen and eventually pass. I can distract myself by making something to eat, taking a shower, or watching some TV. If you can make it through those 20 minutes, you'll be okay.”

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Run your hands under cold water

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Stress balls, occupying your hands

Here are some self harm alternatives online, you can also make your own list of what works for you

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3 • ACCEPTING HELP

Accepting that you need a change can be one of the hardest realizations to face. Self harm is not something you go at alone, it’s crucial to reach out. Wether this be to a family member, teacher, counselor, or friend you need to tell someone.

It’s scary, and by no means is easy. A lot of people don’t know how to tell someone, or you’re afraid of burdening them. But you are in no way a burden, getting help and gaining support is the best thing you can do for yourself. Regardless if you think that your harm is too minuscule to do any actual damage, it isn’t something you can control. Like stated earlier, self harm escalates and becomes dangerous even if you don’t want it to.

If you’re scared to tell someone directly, send them a message. Text or written, do whatever you can to let someone know what’s going on. If you suspect someone in your life is harming themselves, speak up and let an adult know. If you are an adult, let them know you’re there for them and help them find professional advise.

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4 • RESOURCES

APPS, WEBSITES, HELPLINES

Apps:

• Calm Harm

This app is password protected and provides activities and timers to prevent self destructive urges. It gives options of customization and allows you to change the app to your liking.

• Self Heal

This app provides a series of coping mechanisms for you to use, along with this gives anonymous support features and calming images.

• My Shiny Thing

This app was created in order to distract or take your mind off of self harm. A new installment brings up various YouTube videos and articles to take your mind off urges.

Websites:

• SIOU Outreach

This website allows you to share your stories, listen to others, and provides coping mechanisms as well as how to help. SIOU Works to support those who lack personal care and provide resources to struggling family members.

• The Trevor Project

The Trevor Project website, also using a help line (listed below) specializes in self harm and support. The website contains an FAQ, resources, and takes awareness to those in need of support.

• Self Injury Foundation

The SIF is a volunteer based community, that provides and structures research on self harm and education.

• Self injury - Cornell

The Self injury recovery, research, and resources center at Cornell focuses on adolescents and young adults who deal with self harm.

Helplines:

National Suicide Prevention Line

1-800-273-8255

Suicide Text Line

Text HOME to 741741

24 Hour Crisis Hotline

1-800-273-TALK

Self Injury Foundations National Hotline

1-800-334-HELP

Help for Teens

1-877-332-7333

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5 • WHAT TO DO AND HOW TO HELP

• Classmate

If you think/know a classmate is self harming, tell a teacher or your counselor (or any trusted adult). It’s always good to provide support, but remember that SH is personal and often times difficult to talk about. Be sensitive and caring, don’t belittle their issues or act as if their feelings are invalid.

A question you’ll want to ask is why, but a lot of times they won’t know. It’s important to respect that, and understand that there aren’t always external reasons.

• Adult

While self harm is predominantly seen in teenagers and youth, adults can self harm too. Adults are not classmates, tell another teacher and avoid confrontation directly. This isn’t a very common thing, but regardless is important to realize that everyone may need support at one time or another.

• Family Member

Similar to the classmate scenario, tell a trusted adult in your family (older sibling, aunt, uncle etc...) it’s also important to reach out and let them know you’re there for them. Again, don’t expect someone to automatically open up to you, respect boundaries.

! TELL SOMEONE !

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‼️6 • GLORIFICATION AND ROMANTICISM‼️

Self harm is not pretty, or your aesthetic. This ideal is dangerous and unhealthy, spreading the message that self injury is pretty or elegant.

An example of romanticism and glorification would be describing scars or injuries as something symbolic or more than they are. Molding self harm into something poetic or beautiful is once again the opposite of what it really is.

An extremely common form of this is when someone will take a black and white image of cuts with a weird quote next to it. This can also be seen in the media and cinematographic structures, 13 reasons why being a good example in this case.

Long story short, any piece conveying self harm as anything but emotional distress is glorification.

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7 • RECOVERY AND RELAPSES

Recovery is a process, it’s filled with difficulties and fall backs but it’s also about moving foreword. What matters is that you’re trying, and receiving help.

A relapse is when someone stops self harm for an extended period of time, and then returns back to it. The longer you can stay away from this the better, and eventually the urges leave fully.

Progress isn’t black and white, a relapse doesn’t mean you’re failing it means there’s still more to do and that’s okay. To summarize this section:

Do’s and don’ts of recovery (WORK IN PROGRESS) Don’t:

• view images of self harm in the media, avoid anything that may trigger you

• go near what you use

Do:

• Talk to someone about it

• Get rid of objects you use to harm yourself

• If you have a ritual that leads up to sh, break your schedule and try something different.

• restructure negative thoughts, instead of thinking about what you think you did wrong, think about steps for improvement.

• use alternatives to self harm

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Tending to self harm wounds

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That’s all I have for this blog, again I’m not an expert and a lot of this is based off personal experiences. I can’t stress enough how important it is to tell someone, no matter how scared you are push through.

My dms are always open if you’d like to talk or have any questions. If you think I wrote anything inaccurately or you have something to add please message me or comment.

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#mental health #recovery #positivity post #positivity #suggestions #long post #self harm

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vesperwitch · 5 years ago

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Vesper’s Masterlist

This post is pretty much exactly as the title implies—a masterlist/post! It will consist of all the things I found and liked regarding various topics. Because the post is going to be so long, there will be a “Keep Reading” option provided. Enjoy, and blessed be!

NOTE: This masterlist/post is bound to be edited countless times. If you want to keep up, give a heart and/or save it somewhere.

.: CAT. 1: ASTRAL (TRAVEL, ENTITIES, SPIRITS, THOUGHTFORMS, AND FAE) :.

> spirit work 101 (protection, etiquette, safety)

> secluded/isolated spirit species/races and what to do

> fae (spirit) work (info-based masterpost provided)

> creating a thoughtform (guide & warnings)

> spirit house rules (guidelines for spirits and spirit companions alike)

> 15 things about the astral (dangers, pros & cons)

> spirit work advice — sincerely, an exorcist (key to ignorance, power of mind)

> spirit communication (non-verbal, the ways they communicate)

> spirit work: do you qualify (masterpost with other links provided)? (what it is, needs, discernment, divination, protection, banishment, cleansing, energy work, astral travel, dangers, etc)

> working with spirits (protection methods, communication, interactions, ideas for chatter, tips)

> how to banish entities (protection, know the entity, communication, demands, force, help, cleansing)

> dear new spirit workers/companions/psychics (psychic ability, motivation, belief in self, practice practice practice)

> red flags! (anxiety, fear, negative feelings, ever-changing names, too good to be true, manipulation, harm, powerless, switching/possession/oppression, what to do)

> no prior experience (spirit vessel, bonding, yes’s and no’s, misconceptions)

> guide to astral travel (meditation, blocks, relaxation, drifting, tips, planning ahead)

> common spirit scams (two-faced, deceit, excuses, too good to be true, obsession, possessiveness, etc)

> spirit anxiety (warnings, fear of spirits, overcoming fears, mantras, banishings, tl;dr)

> plant spirits (communication, diligence, determination, patience, protection, abuse, sharing energy)

> basic spirit work advice (no personal information like birth name or even nickname, don’t give away their personal info either, practice, patience, diligence, respect, color, binding)

.: CAT. 2: RITUALS, SPELLS, SIGILS, GLAMOURS & ENCHANTMENTS :.

> “I can do anything I set my mind to” (emoji spell)

> “I am safe from evil, abusive and toxic spirits” (sigil)

> “My studies will flourish and I will see results in my success” (emoji spell)

> home sweet home (jar spell, spell jar, jell spar, jsdlfk sdflsj, banishment, old energy, new energy)

> spoonie spell (energy, mug, teaspoon, ingredients and recipe)

> mentally ill witchcraft (masterpost for anger, anxiety, brain fog + memory, depression, disassociation, fatigue, trauma, insomnia, intrusive thoughts, panic attacks, paranoia, picking (hair, skin, etc.), mood swings/emotional balance spells)

> “I am inspired to write and/or create art” (emoji spell)

> thunderstorm spell (measuring cup, pen and paper, water, sigil, charging, summoning thunderstorms/rain, patience)

> “May the day bring me much joy and prosperity” (emoji spell + morning routine)

> bath magick (ritual, self healing, cleansing, recharging, energizing, self love, prosperity, calmness, beauty, motivation, self love)

> “I attract luck” (sigil, luck, short burst, wrist/hand, piece of paper, burning)

> make a wish (spell, manifestation, penny, visualization)

> your negativity does not affect me (spell, black tea, positivity, sigil, negativity gone)

> glamour magick (what it is, illusion, real, uses, recommendations, how-to, masterpost provided)

> wind enchantment for divination (jewelry, wind, how-to, cleansing)

.: CAT. 3: WITCHCRAFT IN GENERAL :.

> easy witchy things to do (elements, nature, candles, aesthetics, motivation, affirmations, spells, motivation)

> daily witch routine (meditation, divination, books, cleansing, praying and offering, energy work, journal)

> wand wood correspondences (alder, apple, bay, beech, cedar, cherry, dog wood, elder, etc)

> full moons of the year (correspondences, wolf, snow, worm, pink, flower, strawberry, thunder, sturgeon, harvest, hunter’s, beaver, cold, blue)

> uranian weather magick (uranus, god of the sky, correspondences, planets, weather, meteorological symbols, talismans)

> threatened magickal herbs (masterpost, alternatives, endangerment, United PlantSavers)

> self-care (medication comes first, cleansing, grounding, meditating, etc)

> low-effort witchcraft (emoji spells, sigilscribe.me, music, cleansing, scented soaps, etc)

> witch tip (first of the month, white rabbit)

> super easy and cheap witch tip (bay leaves, wishes, burning, crushing, intent)

> witchcraft 101 — spell jars and bottles! (correspondences, protection, money/lakshmi, wish, ingredients, making them, uses, bottles)

> importance of purification (ritual purification, body, mind, heart, banishing negativity, cleansing, self love and appreciation)

> things to research when you’ve reached a study plateau (planets, herbs, crystals, days of the week, moon phases, basic mythology and lore, basic divination, anthropology of different cultures/religions, science)

> witchcraft on a budget! (correspondences, herbs, magickal properties, homes and gardens)

> water (correspondences, natural water, simple water, composite water, ideas)

> beginner earth witches! (masterpost, herbal history, types of magick, energy, divination, moon phases, etc)

> getting closer to your craft (motivation, chanting, making lists, research, studying, self love, patience, tips and tricks, methods)

> big witch energy (crystals, sage, just funny stuff)

> a witch’s morning (routine, tips and tricks, tidying up, cleansing, recharging, meditation, tea, fitness, health)

> bedridden witch: wheel of the year edition (masterposts provided, imbolc, ostara, beltane, litha, lammas, mabon, samhain, yule)

> opposite practices (solar to lunar = lunar to solar, left to right = right to left, up to down = down to up, rivalry, respect)

> ways to connect to nature (non-wiccan, low-energy, strength in craft, taking walks, forests, beaches, mountains, seaside at night, riverside, pond/lake, houseplants)

> bedridden witch: worship edition (masterposts provided, candles, incense, blankets, online devotional blog/alter, chat with others online, sigils, stuffed animals, stones and crystals, astral travel/dream magick, music, praying, meditate, etc)

> witchy asks! (50 questions, all about you, learning more)

> bedridden witch: divination edition (masterposts provided, tarot, scrying, pendulum, tasseomancy)

> bedridden witch: love edition (masterposts provided, tips and tricks, self love, jars, coins, wind chimes, tarot, crystals, etc)

> random witch advice okok (insecurities, self love, confidence, mistakes, simplicity, ingredients, moon water, crystals, scrying, online journals, tarot apps, labels, sources, research, constructive criticism)

> what to do if witchcraft drains you (tips and tricks, foods and drinks, incense/candle, stone, bath/shower, nap, focusing on other things, friends, spirit companions)

> casting circles (methods, color association, scent correspondences, visualization, cleansing, invoking)

.: CAT. 4: TAROT :.

> sunrise/sunset (spread, endings, beginnings, focus)

> youtube divination lessons (masterpost, tarot, runes, pendulum, scrying, tasseomancy, cartomancy, bibliomancy, palmistry)

> tarot tip (two choices, two of pentacles, two more cards, lots of two’s)

> moon phases (spreads, new moon, waxing moon, full moon, waning moon)

> getting to know a new deck (spread, greeting, eye contact, handshake, conversation, gift, pros and cons, impressions, compatibility)

> the year ahead (spread, 12 months + the year overall)

> find your path (spread, earth, spirit, fire, air, water, grounding, nourishment, goals/dreams/ambitions, outlooks, giving and receiving love, healing)

> past life reading (spread, attributes, birth, childhood, adolescence, adulthood, death, karma, lessons, purpose, past to now, current)

> why am I so tired? (spread, reasons why, draining, fatigue, exhaustion, solution)

> meme reality check (spread, you, the truth of your situation, your perceptions)

> meeting familiar (spread, familiar, what/where/when, personality, animal)

> go deeper (spread, exploring the unknown, heart, mind, soul)

> into the heart (spread, where you are, where you will be, outcome, drawbacks)

> taking back the crown (spread, signifier, objectives, advantage, major arcana)

> spiderweb (spread, card stuck to you, signs, importance, what to do, if it won’t leave, interpretation)

> realize your goals (spread, short-term, long-term, help or hinder, outcome)

> midsummer (spread, leaving things behind, baggiage, carriage, qualities/skills, challenges, spirits/deities, what to take)

> evolving character (spread, what’s being left behind, what’s dormant, what’s emerging)

> don’t tread on me (spread, what’s holding you down, retaliation, banishing, changes)

> star (spread, problem, positive and negative influence, past influence, present, future, outcome)

> facing your sTuPiD aCtiONs (spread, meme, ignorance, contributions, outcome, reaction)

.: CAT. 5: CRYSTALS/MINERALS AND HERBS :.

> opal appreciation (correspondences, abilities, pros)

> smoke correspondences (white sage, palo santo, lemongrass, lavender, yerba santa, amaranth, yarrow, cedar, sweetgrass, rosemary)

.: CAT. 6: EVERYTHING ENERGY WORK :.

> reading auras (visualization, difficulty, practice, patience, diligence, colors, interpretations, personal correspondences)

> energy and energy manipulation magick (opinion, mantras, motivation, belief, self, will, negative, spells, patience, emotion, recharging)

> energetic healing, waterbending style (self healing, spirit water, amethyst, moon water, healing herbs, relaxation, visualization, blockages, negativity, cleansing, charging)

> energy work 101 (visualization, how-to, grounding, cleansing, methods, warding, raising, charging, casting, masterpost provided)

> sending dreams (how-to, printing pictures, energy-work)

> raising energy/vibrations (easy, random things, enjoyment, dancing, singing, music, instrument, meditation, bath, gratitude, etc)

> energy tethers 101 (what they are, charging, batteries, connections, energy, vibrations, disadvantages and advantages, modifications, long post)

> energy work: introduction to fields exercise (steps, how-to, read completely before trying)

> cutting energy cords (steps, how-to, cutting connections, cutting both ends, self healing)

> methods of energy healing (increasing healing speed, erasing injury, softening impacts, pros and cons)

> energy work: types and sources (independent energy, dependent energy, personal, organic, rooted, artistic, natural, manufactured, spiritual, programmed, emotional, parasitic, consumable)

> energy work: energy breathing (steps, how-to, what it is)

> healing energy systems (how-to, steps, distance, up close, blockages/anomalies, cleansing)

> true void energy 101 (what it is, cautions, difficulty, dangerous, dangers, pros and cons, important notes)

> true void energy intro (prequel to true void energy 101 ^, what it is, disclaimers, unverified personal gnosis, UPG, uses, description, working with it, compatible alignments, parasites)

> human aura 101: beginning to see auras (how-to, learning, patience, diligence, determination, intuition, other things you may see)

.: CAT. 7: CLEANSING, MEDITATION, VISUALIZATION, CHARGING :.

> meditation (what it is, what it isn’t, what to do, how to stop thinking which is REALLY easy, tips and tricks)

> visualization part 2 (part 1 provided, definition, practice, methods)

> cleansing (masterpost provided, visual, cleansing, herb correspondences, crystal correspondences)

> subtle magick practices for any place (energy, small decisions, scraps, communication clarity, dream supplies)

> visualization aids (gifs, pretty pictures)

> cleansing routine (masterpost provided, to-do list, how-to, steps, meditation, smoke cleansing, self-love, gratitude)

#astral travel #entities #spirits #fae #thoughtforms #banishing #spells #sigils #witchcraft in general #tarot #gemstones #crystals #minerals #tips and tricks #masterpost #masterlist #bound to be edited #please help me i've been doing this for h o u r s uGH #WORTH IT THOUGH

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loadingluke · 6 years ago

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2 months post stage 1 update

I had first stage radial forearm flap phalloplasty with Dr Hans Goossen in Brisbane, Australia on the 1st of February 2019. I’ve decided to split this update into several parts to reflect the different areas of healing etc. if you have any questions or wish to clarify anything let me know.

Here is how I’m healing up now, 2 months post stage 1.

ARM

Healing

Since I’d say about 5 and a half weeks post op, my arm has been healing and changing very rapidly. Every time I see it, it looks completely different. I’d say that now at 2 months 95% of my arm is completely healed. I have 2 small scabs healing on the seam line which would combined be no larger than a 5 cent piece. I also have a larger scab on the corner of my graft that is pretty much hanging on by a thread. I’m just leaving it there for the time being, and I’ll let it fall off when it’s ready. I’ve got a little bit of a blister by the looks of it on the seam line too, but I’m also leaving that be.

At 8 weeks, I stopped bandaging my arm, and only used island dressings on the problematic bits. Before this, I was having my dressings changed biweekly, once at my GP and once at hand therapy. Dressings changed pretty frequently with my arm, but we played around with jellonet, silver dressings, some more absorbent non adhesive dressings and loooooots of gauze. It is definitely nice feeling not being all bandaged up as I was pretty sick of it after 2 months. I’m able to dress my arm myself now too, so I’m changing the island dressings every few days. I still need to keep it covered when I shower until it is all healed, but they predict it really won’t be too much longer.

Mobility

My arm mobility honestly has been a complete non issue. I was lucky in that I never had any loss of sensation or very much swelling. My hand in general has been minimally affected. I was allowed to be majority out of the splint at 6 weeks, and then began some physio on my arm. My hand therapist Nicola was pretty impressed with how my movement was looking, and so I didn’t have to see her at 7 weeks. I was given some exercises to do at home and was sent on my way.

At 6 weeks, my movement was looking like this:

Wrist flexion/extension:

Right (donor arm): 50/40 degrees

Left (for comparison): 75/55 degrees

Ulnar deviaton/Radial deviation:

R: 35/15

L: 35/20

Supination/pronation

R: 75/85

L: 75/90

Grip strength (not super accurate as I was told to go gentle and not push it too much)

R: 5kg

L: 30kg

I was pretty close to matching my left side by 6 weeks, which was a pleasant surprise as I had not done any exercises and my arm was still splinted up up until this point. By 8 weeks, I was completely matching my left dominant arm in all tests besides being 5 degrees off in wrist extension, and my grip strength was still a little weaker at 18kg. Since I am left side dominant and usually your grip strength and mobility is weaker on your non dominant arm, Nicola is pretty happy with my progress and how my movement is looking, and so now the only exercise I’m really needing to practice is to work on grip strength and stretch. I have an appointment next week to see where I’m going and to touch base, but once that is closer to about 25-30, I’ll not need to keep going back which is exciting.

Mobility was a factor I was very concerned about leading up to surgery. As someone who wants to go into the medical field and is considering practicing as a surgeon, my fine motor movement was definitely something I was scared to risk. I am by no means saying that that fear was unfounded, as I know many people who have not been unaffected, but I’m very happy with how I’ve healed up in this department and that it didn’t end up being affected long term. I’m still working on my strength in general, and as I’m still not back at the gym I’m not sure if I’m completely unaffected or if more strenuous situations may leave me limited. I’m just taking it as it comes, doing my exercises and hoping for the best.

Scar care

Now that most of my graft is healed, I am finally allowed to begin actively managing scar care. It’s really nice mentally to have some agency in a process that by in large is completely out of your control, so I’m definitely liking that responsibility if that makes any sense. It was super frustrating watching my arm heal and knowing there’s absolutely nothing I can do to help it along!

I have begun scar massaging, all over the healed bits of the graft. I’m using a vitamin e cream, and just massaging it for about 5 minutes every couple of hours. It’s a bit too early to tell if it’s made much of a difference just yet, besides the graft feeling a smidge softer in some areas.

I have some other lotions and potions that I’m keen to try out, but I want to wait until I’m completely healed up and all the scabs are gone before I do. I’ll let everyone know what I found to work best once I figure it out. Nicola suggested a silicon and sunscreen blend stick to rub on my arm, which has been super easy to apply and use compared to other silicon products I’ve used in the past. It’s a bit too early to say if it’s made much of a difference, and I still have to be careful with where I apply it, but having some SPF built in definitely eases my mind. Although it is autumn now and my arm is always covered, UV is a constant menace and I don’t really want my very sensitive graft skin to get sunburnt. Nicola is also looking to find somewhere to get a custom silicon sleeve fitted, and will update me on that process at my next appointment.

As for compression, I’m doing a bit of both. During the day, I’m using a pretty light sock so I can let the skin breathe a little. It’s been bandaged and under compression for the past 2 months, so I’m happy to let it live a little. I’d say I’m at about 60% compression (mainly overnight and with a tubigrip sleeve) and 40% freedom. For how I’m healing now, that’s what Nicola suggested and is happy with, so I’m not complaining.

Final thoughts Arm wise

Everything is going well, and I’m looking forward to being able to stop dressing it and just going gung ho into scar care. Patience is key though, and now that it’s so close it’s easy to see how much has changed in such little time. The human body is amazing.

I’m seeing Nicola, who is an OT at Melbourne Hand Rehab opposite the Alfred in South Yarra. I honestly can’t recommend them enough. It’s definitely been a learning experience for everyone as they have never treated phallo patients before, but the care and support they’ve given me has been great. They definitely are very patient focused which I’m super grateful for. I don’t get the feeling like they’re trying to squeeze money out of me which is often what I’ve felt at some physios/allied health practices in the past (not ECKO, they were great too). Nicola and Isabelle (another OT at MHR) have both been super helpful, and so willing to explore solutions to help benefit me and my healing.

I was very flustered and stressed coming back to Melbourne as I knew that I was going to be away from Goossen and EKCO, and literally anyone who has experience with phallo, and so I felt very vulnerable. If you’re in Melbourne I totally recommend them, especially now that they’ve got some experience with me and will have established connections to help organise sleeves etc.

My team at the Prahran Market Clinic, especially Dr Doyle and RN Dianne have also been super. Hats off to all of them for supporting me and being so willing to learn and set up a system that before me (to my knowledge) was nonexistent here. Hopefully this will mean it’s easier for those in Melbourne in the future.

PENIS

General healing

At 2 months, I’m pretty sure all of the swelling in this area is completely gone. All my stitches are dissolved and out, and have been for a while. Redness and irritation are all completely gone. The end of my neourethra (which is located left side under the phallus) healed superbly and Goose is super happy with it. I am pretty sure I’m completely healed in this department in general.

I haven’t experienced a change in length, but I’ve had a slight reduction (maybe half a cm?) in girth as the swelling went down. I haven’t had any tightness in the underside scar, but I will start to massage it along with my arm to keep the scar loose to prevent any issues. I have no issues wearing underwear, and I prefer pouch undies from an American company called seperatec. I find they keep me the most supported whilst at the same time not squishing it. When I’m wearing pants I get pretty uncomfortable if they’re tight in the crotch area, and occasionally after a long time it’ll feel kinda sore, but manageable. Over time this has gotten much better, so I’m definitely not feeling super restricted. I was never a super skinny jeans sorta guy anyway so I’m not having too many issues. I defs look more forward to coming home to take my pants off though 😂

The hole

I’ve mentioned previously that I had a little hole that formed on the underside of my phallus at about 3 weeks post op due to some small haematoma/seroma. Well, it’s been a wild ride, but it is FINALLY closed up. Like my arm, this was changing pretty frequently and honestly half the time I had no idea what was happening. It looked like hypergranulated tissue for about a week, then it started swelling quite a bit and there seemed to be a buildup of fluid underneath that eventually just all came out. After, it looked a little like a fistula, and to this day I still have no idea if it was or not as it was hard to tell. After this it healed over again, popped (?) again, and then looked like an open blister. It was really strange and I didn’t really know what to do. Goossen said he was happy to wait and see how it was looking at my post op. I was just changing dressings every day to keep it dry, updating Goossen with its progress, and using saline to clean it every few days. It was taking weeks to look better, then one day last week I looked down and it was gone? Real weird.

The wound is healed, but there is still quite a larger incision due to it stretching, which aesthetically I’m not super happy with. I may look into a revision on that scar line during stage 2 or 3, but it’s not super pressing.

Urethra

The urethra is healing fine. I have begun flushing it every so often, as a bit of gunk builds up over time and that comes out the tip of my penis. It’s not an infection, and is totally normal (just a buildup of dead cells and other debris) but until my urethra is hooked up, I can’t really get rid of it without flushing it. I use a little syringe and just use a little bit of warm water every few days (mainly when I’m leaking quite a bit) and squeeze that in the tip of me penis so that it flushes it out. The water comes out of the constructed end of the urethra. This is all completely seperate from my natal urethra, which hasn’t been altered at all yet. I try to limit flushing as I don’t want to irritate the urethra or anything when I don’t need to. I’ve noticed the leaking increases after wearing tight pants, being hot and sweaty down there and standing for a long time. Usually it doesn’t drip out or anything though, and isn’t a huge deal.

I do have some hair that seems to be in my urethra. Maybe one or two that I just pluck out the end. They aren’t obstructing the urethra, and everything is still nice and clear, so I’m not super stressed about it or anything, nor is Goossen concerned.

Sensation

The exciting one! Definitely wasn’t expecting it, but I started getting a little bit of sensation on the phallus at 7 weeks post op. It is VERY patchy, and it definitely doesn’t feel good yet. It’s only in one very particular spot on the left side of my phallus, near the base. When I touch there, I feel a shock like feeling in my natal genitalia. It’s almost like a referred feeling, so I don’t really feel it directly on my phallus, but I also kind of do a little. It’s a pretty hard feeling to expain, but it felt a little like my nipple sensation after top surgery. Since then, I occasionally feel spontaneous shock like pains randomly in my penis and original junk. I’m starting to feel a little bit of something along the scar on the underside of the penis too. It’s not much, but I’m happy it’s something! I definitely wasn’t expecting anything until I was a lot further down the track. I’m using vibration to try to stimulate the nerves, and I find that I feel the sensation strongly when it is from that compared to just touching. I don’t know how much that will help or anything, but talking to friends and some anecdotal accounts from others have been promising so I might as well try it out.

Hair

I had laser hair removal pre op on my donor arm, and that did work quite well, however I did have quite a bit of hair grow back post op. This was expected as laser is not permanent, and often surgery and increased blood flow can stimulate this to grow back more than normal. It’s pretty frustrating as it does feel like I totally wasted my money, but compared to my left arm it is definitely a lot thinner and more sparse, just not *hairless*. Because of this, I’ve started looking into getting some electrolysis post op as soon as I can before I start getting more sensation. I’ve got my first appointment on Thursday, and will update with how it goes.

If you have the time and funds, I’d suggest starting hair removal as soon as you can. I definitely didn’t start early enough (I was able to have surgery 9 months earlier than I was planning for, if I'd known I would have started at least 6 months earlier than I did) And if I had the time and money I would have tried to get more in, and probably would have opted for electrolysis. Laser does work, but is definitely not as effective as electrolysis and is not permanent. Make sure you’re managing expectations as it can take a long time to see long term results, and can’t be rushed. Not looking forward to whipping my dick out for hours on end, but for me it’s worth it to not have to worry about unwanted hair.

MISC

Other Incisions

My incisions are healing nicely. The ones on the inside of my thighs are still pretty thin, and are healing nicely. The scar on my abdomen is also healing well. I’m keeping a little fixomull on it to help reduce tension and to help keep it thin. I’m happy with how it’s looking. I’m still a little shocked by how thin they all are. Goossen is an artist.

Butt Incisions are also all good. I’m keeping fixomull on them for the time being, and changing that every 1-2 weeks depending on how well it sticks. Like on my abdomen one, it’s just to relieve tension and to help the scar heal nicely. Having the fixomull really isn’t a huge deal, and so I’m gonna continue to do so until I run out of fixomull (which will be a while as I have a very long roll lol). I don’t have any issues sitting, though I don’t like sitting on hard surfaces for an extended period of time as that can still cause some discomfort. Sitting on anything with a little cushion is a non issue at this point which is good. I’ve got full range of motion and I’m able to squat and move as much as like.

Work

I started back at work at 6.5 weeks post op. I work as a pharmacy assistant at chemist warehouse, so it’s a lot of walking around, stock take and customer service. I wanted to give myself at least 6 weeks so I wouldn’t have to rush, but I probably could have gone back earlier. I’m glad I had the time to relax and recover though.

The first few shifts were a little hard to manage, as I kept wanting to lift more and I wasn’t used to standing for that long without sitting down so it was pretty tiring. It got easier over time though, and I feel pretty much back to normal now. I’m still being careful as I don’t want to lift anything too heavy or to injure myself. I’m stealth at work, and I’ve had some customers/coworkers ask about why my arm is covered. I just say I had to have surgery and usually people leave it after that.

Appointment with Goossen

I had my 2 month post op yesterday in Brisbane. It was a little bit of a rushed morning as my flight was changed about 48 hours before the day of my appointment, from leaving at 11am to 1:10pm. My appointment at Greenslopes was booked in for 2:45, with no chance of pushing it back or rescheduling. After almost missing my flight (it had been changed a few times and I just misread the time it I guess, completely my bad) I landed at 2:25, and ubered to the hospital. I ended up arriving at about 3:05, and for once doctors running late worked to my benefit as I ended up arriving just in time!

Goossen has a look at everything and was super thrilled with how I was healing. He was really impressed with how my arm was looking. He said it looks like everything is healing ahead of schedule, and has healed really well. We confirmed my stage 2 date for the 1st of August which is exciting! I’m seeing him again at the end of June as a final pre op just to make sure everything is all good. Exciting times! Only 4 months away 🥳🥳

Anyway, that’s it for now. Again if you have any questions leave them down below 😊

#lukes phalloplasty #phalloplasty #rff #rff phallo #rff phalloplasty #bottom surgery #lower surgery #stage 1 #dr goossen #ftm #trans #trans man #trans guy #transgender

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bandbacktogether · 6 years ago

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Coping With The Loss of A Child

New Post has been published on https://www.bandbacktogether.com/resources/loss-resources/coping-with-the-loss-of-a-child/

Coping With The Loss of A Child

It’s hard to imagine that the world hasn’t stopped. It’s hard to believe that everything keeps on going. When the horror of losing a child becomes a reality for you or someone that you love, you want to do something – anything – to help someone who has lost a baby, infant, or child.

But… how?

The path after someone has lost a child seems so fraught with peril, normal comfort measures seem too stupid, too trite for someone who has experienced such a monumental loss. But you can’t simply ignore the reality: your friend has experienced one of the worst horrors a person can go through – they have lost a child. It is up to you to be there for them.

Here are some tips coping with after losing a child.

Processing The Grief After Losing A Child:

Grief is a process. Although parents would wish otherwise, grief cannot be bypassed or hurried; it must be allowed to happen. Parents do not go through grief and come out the other side as before the loss. Grief changes parents. One approach to understanding bereavement, developed by Dr. J.W. Worden (2002), identifies grief not as a succession of phases through which a person passes with little or no control, but as four tasks for the bereaved person:

Accepting the reality of the loss:

When someone dies, there is always a sense that it hasn’t happened. The first task of grieving is to come full face with the reality that the child is dead, that the child is gone and will not return. The opposite of accepting the loss is not believing through some type of denial. Denial usually involves either the facts of the loss, the significance of the loss to the survivor, or the irreversibility of the loss. To accomplish this task, the parent must talk about the dead child and funeral, as well as the circumstances around the death.

Working through the pain of grief:

It is necessary to acknowledge and work through the pain of grief or it will manifest itself through some symptoms or atypical behavior. Not everyone experiences the same intensity of pain or feels it in the same way, but it is impossible to lose someone with whom you have been deeply attached without experiencing some level of pain. The negation of this second task is not to feel.

People may avoid feeling pain by using thought stopping procedures or by avoiding reminders of the child. Many emotions such as shock, anger, guilt and depression may be expressed. The bereaved need to allow themselves to indulge in the pain: to feel it and know that one day it will pass. Some say it is easier to express emotions with someone who knew the child or who can relate to the experience directly.

Adjusting To Life In Which Your Child Is Gone

Caring for a child takes an amazing amount of time and energy. Parents and other caregivers once consumed with the constant task of meeting the needs of a child are suddenly forced into inactivity. Where responsibility was, is now emptiness. During this adaptation to loss, people can work to avoid promoting their own helplessness by gradually re forming schedules and responsibilities. Creating meaningful rituals like a special memorial or keeping a journal or writing poetry are helpful components of completing this task.

Emotionally relocating the deceased and moving on with life:

Survivors sometimes think that if they withdraw their emotional attachment, they are somehow dishonoring the memory of the child. In some cases, parents are frightened by the prospect of having another baby because he or she might also die. For many people, this task is the most difficult one to accomplish. They may get stuck at this point and later realize that their life in some way stopped at the point the loss occurred.

Some bereavement experts note the grieving process includes not only the parent adapting to the loss and returning to functioning in their life, but also includes changing and maintaining their relationship with the infant or child. It is normal for parents to report that they having an ongoing relationship with their child through their memories and mental life.

How To Cope With The Loss Of A Child:

No matter how deep your grief and pain, no matter how alone you feel, you are not alone.

Factors that may interfere with the grief process:

Avoiding emotions

Overactivity leading to exhaustion

Use of alcohol or other drugs

Unrealistic promises made to the deceased

Unresolved grief from a previous loss

Judgmental relationships

Resentment of those who try to help

Complicated grief is delayed or incomplete adaptation to loss. In complicated grief, there is a failure to return, over time, to pre-loss levels of functioning, or to the previous state of emotional well-being. Grief may be more difficult in younger parents, women, and persons with limited social support, thus increasing their risk for complicated grief. The grief surrounding a child’s death is unique in its challenges and may necessitate professional counseling from the clergy, grief counselor, family physician, or mental health professional.

You are not to blame for the loss of your child.

The emotions experienced after the loss of a child can range from shock, to anger, to depression and back again. You may feel like you will never be whole again.

Many parents grieving the loss of a child have trouble sleeping. If that’s the case, ask a family doctor for a mild sedative. It’s very important to be rested as best as you can.

Grieving mothers and fathers may express their grief differently. A grieving mother may want to talk it out, while a grieving father may suffer in silence. This may cause both parents to feel like they cannot relate to each other

Grieving fathers may seek diversions – extra work or a new project – to cope with the loss of their child, hoping these diversions help them to stop thinking about their grief. They may have a hard time asking for help It may be especially difficult if one parent works at home, surrounded by the reminders of their lost child.

In the first weeks after a baby has died, the day of the week and hour of their death will be the most difficult time. After awhile, it may be the day of the month the child died. After awhile, it will stretch out to other anniversary dates, like the child’s birthday and holidays. What’s important is to focus upon what you need to happen during those days – if you need to get away from it all, do that. If you want to celebrate with family, do that. But make sure you do what is most important to you during those hard days.

Name your baby – if you’ve experienced a stillbirth or a miscarriage and haven’t named your child, yet, do so. This will help to give your baby an identity, and it will be comforting to you when friends and family call your baby by name.

Collect some mementos of your baby – you may feel too grief-stricken to think about keeping your baby’s things, but it is important. Later, you will realize how meaningful these hats, pictures, or stuffed animals can be.

if possible, be with your baby – even when he or she is dying. It may seem an insurmountable thing – to watch your baby die, but parents who have lost children say it is very important to do so if you can.

You’ll probably be asked about an autopsy. An autopsy may provide some answers as to why your child died and help provide some closure. It’s something you can elect to do or not do.

Invite friends and family to your baby’s funeral. While many people may not have met your child, having your loved ones with you can be very comforting. This is a chance for public recognition of your baby, a celebration of life.

Get into your grief, not out of it – many people want to rush around, keep busy, work harder, to have another baby – all to escape the grief. It doesn’t work that way. Your baby will live on forever in your heart and not acknowledging your loss may hinder the grieving process.

Take good care of yourself – grieving and loss depresses the mind and body. You may not want to eat, brush your teeth, take a shower, but you need to. Sometimes, the smallest step can make you feel very accomplished.

Write it out – write it here, for The Band, or in a private journal, but the act of putting words together in sentences can mean all the difference in the world.

Get help – talk to family and friends, and don’t be afraid to seek professional help from a grief counselor. There are many support groups available for grieving parents, which you may get from the NICU staff at your local hospital.

While you want to believe that you will recover quickly and entirely from the death of your child, that’s rarely the case. The journey through grief takes time and much work. The days will become less painful,

Admitting to themselves and others that their grief is overwhelming, unpredictable, painful, draining, and exhausting—that their grief should not be diminished or ignored.

Allowing themselves to be angry and acknowledging that they are vulnerable, helpless, and feeling disoriented.

Trying to understand that to grieve is to heal and that integrating grief into their lives is a necessity.

Acknowledging the need and desire to talk about the child who died as well as the moments and events that will be missed and never experienced with the child.

Maintaining a belief in the significance of their child’s life, no matter how short.

Creating memorial services and other rituals as ways to commemorate the child’s life.

Deriving support from religious beliefs, a sense of spirituality, or a personal faith.

Expressing feelings in journals, poetry, prayers, or other reflective writings or in art, music, or other creative activities.

Trying to be patient and forgiving with themselves and others and refraining from making hasty decisions.

Counting on, confiding in, and trusting those who care, listen, and hear, those who will walk with them, and not be critical of them, those who will try to understand their emotional and physical limitations, while also trying to understand and respect the limitations of their caretakers.

Increasing their physical activity and maintaining a healthful diet.Volunteering their services to organizations concerned with support for bereaved parents.

Obtaining help from traditional support systems, such as family, friends, professionals or religious groups, undergoing professional counseling, joining a parent support group, or acquiring information on the type of death that occurred as well as about their own grief.

Reassuring themselves and others that they were and still are loving parents.

Letting go of fear and guilt when the time seems right and the grief seems less.

Accepting that they are allowed to feel pleasure and continue their lives, knowing their love for the child transcends death.

How To Help A Friend Who Has Lost A Child:

When faced with the loss of a child, many people are afraid to say the wrong thing, so they say nothing. This is a mistake. Many people are afraid to bring up the deceased child, fearing it will open wounds and raw feelings. You may think that bringing it up will not help, but your friend has not forgotten for one second that her child has passed away – not saying the child’s name will only hurt the family because it will make the grieving family feel their child is forgotten

Comforting a Grieving Parent:

Send a photo or keepsake with the child’s name on it. It will be cherished by the grieving parents.

Send a card when you learn that your loved one has lost a child. They will hold onto these keepsakes for a long time.

If you don’t know what to say, tell your friend. Chances are, they don’t either. Simply knowing that they have someone patiently there with them can make all the difference.

If your friend begins to cry, don’t feel badly like it’s your fault. Grieving parents may cry a lot, and it’s not your fault. Just hold their hand or (if you’re in public together) take them some quiet place to allow them to calm down.

Not all grief looks the same. While some people will grieve the loss of their child by crying, not all will cry in front of you. That does not mean that they are “better” or “over it.” They will never be over it.

Grief is hellishly uncomfortable. If you begin to feel uncomfortable around your grieving loved one, stay anyway.

Ask, “can I help you with anything?” If your friend says no, ask again. Then ask again.

Figure out, through other friends or family members, what sort of help the grieving parents need and do it without being asked. Grief may make it very difficult to manage even the simplest tasks – they might not even know what they need.

Let your loved one talk about their lost child.

Share stories about the baby or child.

There is no time-line for grief.

When you visit, bring a bag of groceries, throw in a load of laundry, clean up the kitchen. Daily responsibilities are extremely difficult while in the throes of grief.

It’s okay if you only have fifteen minutes to stop by and visit. Do it anyway.

If you’ve agreed to help your friend, DO IT. Find someone else to do it, if you can’t manage it. Asking for help is REALLY hard, so if you’re asked, HONOR it.

Follow the lead of the parents. Discuss what they want. If they go to those places, you can discuss those things, but don’t try to steer it there. Sometimes, the grieving parents may want to talk about their child and the unfairness of it all, and other times they may want to hear funny stories or talk about reality TV.

Address the unfairness. People often worry about addressing how awful the situation is, but the parents want to hear that people get the hell they are in. The parents feel alone when they don’t think people understand how awful this is. Saying things like, “This is the worst thing. I am so sorry and sad that it had to happen to you and your child,” helps.

Food is very helpful. The last thing you want to do when mourning is worry about eating. There are always people around after a death, and the last thing you want to think about is feeding them. A gift of food also tells the parents they are loved.

If you’re financially able to, send some money to the grieving parents. The cost of a funeral for a child is high, and is often (especially if the loss of the child is not expected) not planned for.

Say or express something you never have before. If you have never told the person that you love them, come right out and tell them that you love them. If you’ve never held their hand, hold their hand. Give hugs. These expressions mean a lot.

Do not be afraid to take initiative.

Be there for your friends. Call, email, text. Tell them they don’t have to respond. Let them know you are thinking of them, and their child, all the time. Don’t drop away after the funeral – that’s when they’ll need you the most.

Be the kind of friend that you would want to have.

Remember the living children. When visiting, bring a toy or something you think the child would like.

Try to remember the dates that are associated with the loss. They may include:

The anniversary of the child’s death.

The date of the miscarriage.

The due-date of the miscarriage.

The birthday of the lost child.

Your friend’s birthday

Holidays like Mother’s Day and Father’s Day.

Make a donation to a specific cause or charity in honor of your friend’s lost child.

Be patient with your friend.

How NOT To Help A Friend Grieving The Death of a Child:

Don’t be afraid of intruding. You’re not.

Don’t be afraid of offering practical help. Your friend probably has no idea what he or she needs, so take some initiative.

Don’t avoid or ignore the grieving parents. They are already grieving a loss, and losing a friend or loved one only compounds it.

Don’t leave when you become uncomfortable. It will only make your friend feel worse – guilty about their grief.

Don’t avoid talking to your friend because you don’t know what to say.

Do not say, “It is for the best,” even if you believe it. It is trite, unfair bullshit.

Don’t shirk on promises – if you’ve agreed to do something for the grieving family, failing at your responsibilities will feel like a bigger slap in the face.

Don’t be hurt if the grieving parents say something mean or hurtful. They’re not quite themselves, which means they lash out. Be patient.

Religion is a potentially explosive way to comfort. Unless you absolutely know 100% the person will be comforted by mentions of faith, don’t go there. Religion is a very complicated thing in the wake of a child’s death, and they may be angry at God or confused as to how to incorporate the death of a child into the religion that they have known to have their best interests in mind.

Even if the grieving parents are intensely religious, they may be having a crisis of faith in the wake of a child’s death, and they could be angered/saddened by mention of religion.

Especially stay away from, “God wanted her more than you,” or “God needed her more.” I don’t care if it is the all powerful creator of the universe, you don’t tell any Mama that anyone wants her baby more than she does.

So many people hate seeing their loved one in such pain and want to fix it. Consequently, they start talking about how you have to move on, that you will see them again, the child is with God, it will get better in time, etc. – all things they think will “fix it.” Don’t try to do this.

Don’t be afraid to bring up the lost child – the grieving parents will already be thinking of their child.

If your friend doesn’t want to discuss their lost child or their feelings, accept that and move on to another topic.

Don’t say, “I know how you feel,” because you do not. It minimizes the grief and grieving they’re going through.

Don’t say, “I don’t know how you do it.” Your friend does it because he or she has to.

Don’t mention silver linings. That feels condescending and rude.

Don’t put a time-table on grief. No one knows how long it will take to grieve the loss of a child, so don’t expect that your friend will simply “get over it” in a specific period of time. They won’t.

Don’t refer to the child in impersonal ways – instead, use the child’s name. It may feel uncomfortable to you, but it will remind your friend that the world has not, in fact, forgotten their lost child.

Don’t forget about the siblings of the lost child. Not only have they lost a brother or sister, they’ve lost their parents during the grieving process.

Never discount your gut. If your friend seems to be suicidal or is beginning to isolate, seek professional help.

Don’t forget the anniversary dates – almost no one remembers the second anniversary of a child’s death. This makes parents feel as though the world has forgotten their child.

Don’t be afraid to show emotion. Many people feel they have to be strong for their friends, that they can’t cry or show emotion. You can be strong AND be emotional. If tears come, don’t fight them. This shows your friends that you, too, are crushed and sad and lost.

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thecoroutfitters · 7 years ago

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Written by Guest Contributor on The Prepper Journal.

As a prepper, you need to learn diametrically opposite things when it comes to sleep. Both are useful for different situations.

On one hand, you need to learn how to get a good night’s sleep–because this is useful for everyday performance. Without adequate levels of rest, humans deteriorate both physically and mentally to the point where our very lives are at risk. For example, extreme exhaustion can lead to impaired judgment, something nobody wants in a life or death situation. Furthermore, lack of sleep can do damage to the immune system, making us especially susceptible to illness and infections which may be difficult to treat in an environment where resources are limited.

On the other hand, you’ve got to learn about the benefits of sleep deprivation in training–because this will help you remain alert and able during an emergency when you’ve had little or no sleep. Despite the health risks posed by not getting enough sleep, the human body and mind can continue to function for a surprisingly long time without proper rest. You’ll be able to perform well despite sleep deprivation if you’ve undergone the necessary training beforehand.

Since both are topics that can be discussed at length, for the sake of focus, let’s talk about how to sleep well first and why it is essential that you understand how to get a good night’s sleep and why it’s important. We will address the benefits of learning to function better in spite of a lack of sleep in a follow-up article.

How to Get a Good Night’s Sleep

Here are three ways to make sure you sleep well:

Sleep on a good mattress: A good mattress is essential for getting a good night’s sleep. A good bedding/mattress store will offers mattresses from top manufacturers like Serta, Simmons, TempurPedic, and Taylor & Wells. So the first place to start when it comes to troubleshooting how to improve the quality of your night’s rest is with a good mattress. One that is right for you. This is one of the things that, well, getting a bargain is never a bad thing, but sacrificing comfort and function for a few buck is NOT a smart decision.

Keep your bedroom dark and quiet: Our Stone Age ancestors slept in dark, quiet and cool caves and caverns. Consequently, we may be biologically primed to respond to these conditions. When a room is dark and quiet, and when it isn’t hot and stuffy, we sleep deeply. Darkening your room is as simple as turning off bright electronics in your bedroom, like your digital clock, computer, and television, adding window coverings and closing doors. If, for some reason, you can’t reduce the noise in the house, buy a white noise machine. And, finally, adjust the thermostat for the right temperature.

Enjoy a hot shower or bath before bed to calm your mind and relax your muscles: Although you’ll sleep better in a cooler room than a hotter one, your muscles relax more when you raise your body’s core temperature with a hot bath. Also, consider adding a few drops of a calming essential oil like lavender to the bath or as a mist on sheets to help trigger drowsiness.

Why You Need to Get a Good Night’s Sleep

Here is a quick list of the seven benefits you’ll get after a good night’s sleep:

You’ll get smarter: A good night’s sleep improves alertness and cognitive function. Additionally, sleep helps you remember important information. If you study before sleep, a process called Memory Consolidation helps your brain make connections, find contextual relationships, and build long-term memories.

You’ll be less stressed: When you’re sleep deprived, your blood pressure and stress hormones spike. Observable symptoms of stress from sleep deprivation include irritation, anger, and overwhelm. People who have not had a good night’s rest are more likely to lose patience with their spouse and children, yelling at them for trivial issues. They are also likely to be disinterested and unmotivated in things that they previously found engaging.

You’ll live longer: Studies have shown that there’s a direct correlation between the overall quality of sleep you get every night and your longevity. Every major physiological system and organ appears to be compromised when a person does not get enough sleep. For instance, they find difficulty in thinking clearly, heart variance rates are higher, and their immune system is compromised. When you get enough sleep, it will improve your overall health. Sleep helps your body heal from the pain of a recent injury, and it also boosts your immune system, reduces inflammation, controls blood sugar, and regulates heart rate.

You’ll be in a better mood: If you get enough sleep every night, your serotonin levels will soar, promoting a sense of peace and a feeling of well-being. The amygdala and the prefrontal cortex play a critical role in mood regulation. Connectivity between these two brain centers is higher when you’re well-rested and much lower when you’re suffering from sleep deprivation. This enhanced connectivity results in more effective executive functioning, better reactivity, and reduced impulsiveness.

You’ll be more attractive: When you sleep, your body begins to repair your skin, adding collagen protein and regenerating cells. Collagen prevents skin from sagging, and when you have plenty of collagen your skin is plumper. Conversely, insufficient collagen causes wrinkling.

You’ll control your weight: Weight control is managed by the hormones leptin and ghrelin. When you don’t get enough sleep, your levels of leptin go up, which, in turn, stimulates your appetite, making you overeat. Insufficient sleep also spikes up ghrelin, which stimulates appetite, reduces how many calories you burn, and increases how much fat you store. So, when leptin and ghrelin levels go up because of insufficient sleep, it becomes almost impossible to lose weight.

You’ll be less accident-prone: Although clumsiness caused by drowsiness might just result in bumps and bruises or dropping and breaking things, some accidents are far more dangerous. For instance, the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration reported that drowsy driving causes fatalities. In 2014, they reported 846 deaths were due to drowsy driving. Although much attention has been paid to fatalities and injuries due to alcohol, sleepiness has also played a significant role in poor decisions and slow reaction times behind the wheel.

The one lesson we probably all wish we’d learned years ago would be how to get a good night’s sleep. When you get good at figuring out how to get enough sleep, you’ll feel alert and ready to deal with anything that comes your way during the day. Good sleep allows you to feel happier and be healthier. You’ll be at your best the next day, ready and able to perform mental and physical tasks well.

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thespookybisexual · 8 years ago

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i just wrote a big ol’ mental health update/reflection, mostly about my ptsd. it’s a little long and serious and personal so it’s under a read more in case you’re not interested

i have felt my anxiety and depression slowly taking over my life and personality for a long time now. every day i do many things i don’t really want to do just to accommodate my anxiety. i stopped taking my meds and i’ve been disengaged from therapy because i don’t want to confront any of my problems. i think somewhere along the way i stopped caring enough about myself to care about getting better.

trying to deny what i’m going through has only made me express it in more insidious ways. instead of self harm, angry outbursts, crying all night instead of sleeping, it’s been sleeping too much, eating too little, and usually, saying nothing about the way i feel. my therapist and my partner might be the only people who notice, or at least they’re the only people who feel like they can say anything about it, and when they do, i downplay it. my #1 priority has been not dealing with it, and that’s pretty much the worst way to solve a problem.

what scares me about the process of healing and recovery is that i have to actually look at myself. i have to think about and figure out who i am, and i am honestly scared shitless to know that person. a lot of the time, all i understand about her is that i don’t like her. right now i’m trying to tell myself that isn’t true.

the past few years i’ve been dealing with the fallout of really serious trauma. i’ve recovered memories that i thought were lost forever and had to face them all over again. i’ve known for a while now that i have complex post-traumatic stress disorder, but it didn’t click for me until recently that ptsd is more than just flashbacks and anxiety. it also means that i’m still living my life in the mindset of someone going through trauma, even though i’m not anymore.

a lot of the time, i still feel all the self-hatred and sadness and worthlessness that all of the people who put me through those things made me feel. a lot of the time i still feel like the helpless teenager who didn’t know who to turn to, or the scared person in the shower, scrubbing her skin until it hurts to get the residue of someone’s hands off of me. ptsd makes me feel afraid that when i go looking for who i am, those are the only parts of myself that i’m going to find. it makes me feel afraid that those events define me. i can see now that it’s the opposite: there is more to me than trauma, and i need to have faith that i will find it. trauma will only define me if i keep refusing to heal from it.

so i guess this is me saying, hey world. i am setting out with intention. i want to get better. i want to know who i am. and when i figure that out, i would like to introduce her to you, because i am hoping she will kick ass.

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ao3feed-brucewayne · 1 year ago

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The Patient

by sarriathmg There are two groups of people in the world—anodynes, who are born to protect and comfort; and dysodynes, who are born to be the receivers of that comfort. About 99% of vigilantes are anodynes, with their biologically ingrained intention to protect and to guard, their natural inclination to be the saviors and defenders of their cities. They had assumed Jason was an anodyne, just like everyone else in the family. But after their battle over Joker, Bruce finds out the truth. Quite the opposite—Jason is the other 1%, a barely unheard of group of dysodyne vigilantes. He’s just gotten too good at hiding. With that knowledge, it becomes clear what Bruce must do to bring Jason back to him. BINGO Fills: Conditioning - Dollification | Shower/bath | Sex Heals Wounds Words: 6302, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English Series: Part 20 of NSFW BINGO Fills Summer/Fall 2023, Part 1 of Hurt/ComfortVerse, Part 133 of DC one-shots Fandoms: Batman (Comics) Rating: Explicit Warnings: Rape/Non-Con Categories: M/M Characters: Jason Todd, Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson Relationships: Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson & Jason Todd, Jason Todd/Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson/Jason Todd Additional Tags: Post-Under the Red Hood Arc, Non-Consensual Cuddling, Non-Consensual Hugging, Non-Consensual Touching, Non-Consensual Voyeurism, Alternate Universe - Hurtcomfortverse, Alternate Universe - Anodyneverse, Hand Feeding, Shower Sex, Non-Consensual Bondage, Dildos, Sensory Deprivation, Heavy BDSM, Platonic BDSM, Platonic Kissing, Platonic Sex, Bathing/Washing, Sub Jason Todd, Service Top Dick Grayson, Hurt Jason Todd, Jason Todd Gets A Hug, He Gets So Many Hugs Non-Consensually, Hurt/Comfort, Non-Consensual Hurt/Comfort, Dollification, Protective Bruce Wayne, Protective Dick Grayson, Shibari, Hand Jobs, Mental Health Issues, Bottom Jason Todd via https://ift.tt/gU1buxX

#IFTTT #bruce wayne #batman #the dark knight #the caped crusader #gotham #dcu #dc #ao3 #ao3feed

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gabrieogbonnaya-blog · 5 years ago

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Dr Gabriel Ogbonnaya The Best Massage Tips Which Never Fail You

Dr Gabriel Ogbonnaya Certified tips provider. Ask any doctor how beneficial a massage can be and they will quickly recommend them! Anyone who works long hard hours, takes in too much stress or suffers from many aches and pains would be wise to make an appointment with the nearest and best masseuse. Learn more about this treatment in the following article.

Massage tools are great for massages. Massages can be performed using a variety of accessories such as massage balls. They can be found quite easily online and in specialty store. Try different types of tools to see which works best for you.

Make the most of your massage by drinking lots of water. Why? Because a good massage gets your circulation going, but water is needed to flush toxins out of your body. Hydrating before your massage makes your blood less sluggish, making it easier for the masseuse to rub excess lactic acid out of your muscles. Staying hydrated after aids your body in processing and eliminating these toxins.

If you want to give a quick massage, consider focusing just on the feet. The feet offer a small area to massage that contains a wealth of benefits. Feet have many nerves and pressure points, and they hold the weight of the entire body throughout the day. Spend fifteen minutes massaging the feet and feel the difference it offers.

Dr Gabriel Ogbonnaya Most excellent service provider. Are you prone to muscle cramps either brought on by physical activity or sometimes nothing at all? These can be very painful, especially when they are in your calf. Massages can help to prevent your muscles from cramping up by promoting blood flow. You can also massage the area as soon as you feel it beginning to cramp up for some quick relief.

Massages can be therapeutic and great for relaxing. It can help with breathing issues, stress, headaches and muscle pain. To boost the effects of a massage, you must completely relax while your therapist works.

When you're stressed out or feeling emotional, aromatherapy massage is for you. The therapist will use essential oils while massaging your skin. They know exactly which oils will give you energy, relax you or help to bust stress. Lavender is frequently used to calm your mind and body, allowing you some peace.

When you have a client that you are giving a massage to, ask whether or not they are comfortable. The last thing that you will want is someone who does not feel secure when you are giving a massage. Additionally, they will be very tight and tough to massage if they are anxious.

If there's an illness going around, you can increase your chances of staving it off. Massage boosts white blood cell production. This is useful because white blood cells help your body fight off infection and viruses.

As you get into the deeper parts of a massage, pick up the pace. Start slowly to allow your subject time to relax and to acquaint yourself with the subject's body structure. After some time, you may move your hands faster across the body while applying harder pressure.

One of the most enjoyable bonding activities between baby and parent, or other loved one, is a massage. Just grab a bottle of baby oil, take off your jewelry and make sure your hands are warm, and start at the top or bottom. Anything you do is likely to be enjoyable if you're gentle.

Don't lie on a spa intake form! It is important that you list any medical issues or injuries you have experienced. This not only protects the spa from liability if you end up sick after the massage, but it allows them to determine exactly how the massage should be conducted for your health and safety.

Consider a hot shower after a massage. A hot shower can further relax your muscles, and it gives you an opportunity to stand still and enjoy all the benefits of the massage. The hot water is also very relaxing, lending to the stress free atmosphere you have probably hoped to create.

If you have a less than pleasant experience having a massage, try not to write them off completely. Everyone has their own style and techniques and no two massage therapists are the same. Ask for a recommendation from a friend for someone new, and explain your experience to them so they can do their best to make your massage with them as pleasant as possible.

Dr Gabriel Ogbonnaya Professional tips provider. When it comes to lower back pain, massage therapy is very effective and can bring helpful relief to an individual that is suffering from this affliction. Almost fifty percent of health care providers recommend therapeutic massage for patients that are suffering from lower back pain. Combined with other medical treatments, massage therapy gives many people relief from debilitating back pains.

Prior to making your first visit to a massage clinic, make sure you research the facility. Consumers often post reviews online, and the Better Business Bureau will let you know if there have been any complaints lodged against the practice. Finally, you can also talk to your local Department of Health.

Use scented massage lotion when you are giving a massage. The scent acts as aromatherapy and can enhance the feeling of relaxation. The lotion softens the friction between your hands and the person's body, so the massage is easier on the skin. Find out what the scent preference is before you apply it.

If you want to put some spark back into your relationship, consider giving your partner a romantic massage. They are more intimate than a standard massage and can really relax your partner for some couple focused bonding time. It will enhance your relationship through touch and make your partner feel special.

Massage Secrets For Saving Money And Time

You might be looking for a great massage or trying to learn more about giving one. It is important to know a few things about massage therapy, whether you like giving massages to the people you love or go to a massage therapist regularly. In this article, we will share some excellent information that will be useful to you when giving or receiving a massage.

Hire only massage therapists who are professionally licensed. Licensed therapists have been through rigorous training and are better able to understand your needs. Hiring someone of this caliber guarantees you a certain level of professionalism that is backed by the industry in which the person works.

Ease your aching feet! Your feet are under pressure all day long and are often ignored when it comes to a healing massage. Massage your toes, gently stretching them out until they feel relaxed. Use your thumbs to put pressure on the sole of your foot, slowly moving from the toes to the heel. For feet that are particularly achy you can apply more pressure by kneading the sole with your knuckles. Finally, treat your tired feet with a rich moisturizer.

If you will be getting a massage to have some stress relieved, go with an aromatherapy massage. Along with a massage, the therapist will use essential oils on your capillaries in order to relax the body. Most of these oils come from flowers, roots, and herbs and are completely safe.

Gabriel Ogbonnaya Proficient tips provider. Put your thinking on hold. One of the most difficult, yet essential elements of getting the most out of a massage is relaxing your mental state. Try to start doing some deep breathing while the therapist is setting up. Imagine that, with every inhale, you gather all the nagging and stressful thoughts in your head. On the exhale, envision blowing all of these thoughts out into space, gone forever. Keep repeating until you feel yourself relaxing.

If you cannot find anyone to give you a massage, you should try using massage tools such as head massagers or canes designed to massage your back. These tools are not as efficient as receiving a massage from a professional but they are a good solution if you cannot afford to go get a massage on a daily basis.

Tell your therapist where your problems lie. Your therapist will want to target your problem areas to help you relieve tension. Your masseuse cannot read your mind, so tell them where you are stiff and sore.

Do not forget to stretch before and after you receive a massage. A massage will be more efficient if your muscles are already warm and you will have more energy after your massage if you take a few minutes to stretch your muscles. Besides, stretching is an efficient way to relieve muscle pain.

Don't swear off using a massage therapist of the opposite sex. You may initially be weird about it, but get over it! Men may have the height and strength you need to work out the kinks from a really bad back, and women may have the relaxed touch you need to de-stress. Be open to whoever may best fit your current need.

Surprisingly enough, a massage exists that should be done by everyone after a meal is eaten. It involves putting your hands on you belly and moving them around. This can help you digest better, improving your overall health.

If your shoulders are bothering you, you should try hugging yourself and massaging the muscles you can reach while hugging yourself. This exercise will also help you stretch your entire back. You should try this technique if you have to sit on a chair during most of your work day.

Use massage to help fight poor circulation that can come with many illnesses. Massage will naturally increase the blood flow to problem areas, slowing the effects the poor circulation can have. The great thing is that it will likely be covered by your insurance as it is a treatment for a health condition.

Gabriel Ogbonnaya Specialized tips provider. Massaging is a great way to relieve pain and stress but keep in mind that a massage might not be your best option if your joints or articulations are bothering you. You should go to a chiropractor for some adjustments instead of massaging or trying to adjust your joints yourself.

The patient isn't made of glass, so don't be afraid to close your fists or use your elbows to thump along the body's outline. This small exertion of force at the beginning of a massage helps waken the nerves and loosen the tired muscles. Apply a gentle amount of force and follow along the shoulders, ribcage, and lower neck for maximum efficiency.

The massage is supposed to reduce stress and a great way of doing this is by knocking the problems away beneath a well-placed elbow. Using your fists as well, you can thump the stress away in a relaxing manner before bed. This will help improve the quality of their sleep by calming the muscles and allows the patient to have a good night's rest.

Make sure you aren't holding your breath during your massage session. Pressure massage is important to work out the kinks and pains in your muscles. The stored up pension cannot be eliminated if you are holding your breath the whole time. If you are feeling nervous, try some deep and slow breathing exercises before starting your session.

You can learn so much more about massages than just what is in this article. This article was just the tip of the iceberg. Read through this article carefully once more and begin practicing the lessons you have learned until you are ready to move on to more advanced techniques.

Gabriel Ogbonnaya Proficient tips provider. Create a warm and relaxing environment for your patient. The temperature should be comfortable enough that exposed skin is not cold. You may choose to play relaxing music if you both agree to it. Turn off any cell phones and perform the massage in a clean room to minimize distractions.

Doctors have been prescribing deep-tissue massages for centuries and it's now wonder why! Few things are more soothing and beneficial to the mind and body. Hopefully you are sold on the many rewards of regular massage therapy and book your own appointment soon. Your whole body will thank you!

#Gabriel Ogbonnaya

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comfsy · 5 years ago

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On Turning 40 With An Ancient Heart

In February, I realized that I was no longer sleeping well. On the rare nights that I did rest, my tracker said I went into only 20 minutes of deep sleep a night total. Plus, the hours of light or REM sleep that I did have were punctuated with awful nightmares.

After a particularly rough stretch of ugly darkness, my friend Naomi asked to chat one night before bed. I slept soundly for the first time in months. In the morning, I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw that I had one hour and fifteen minutes of deep sleep. In the shower, where all good ideas derive, I decided to ask for some help and see who would want to have a nighttime call with me to help me sleep better.

Worried it was too hokey, I texted my brother as my brain-check.

“Are you kidding!?” he exclaimed. “Everyone feels helpless in this mess. Give them something to do.”

He was right.

I put up a short sign-up sheet on my personal Facebook page on February 13th, and by the end of the day I had a call booked every single night, all the way until late May.

“Some species of trees spread root systems underground that interconnect the individual trunks and weave the individual trees into a more stable whole that can’t so easily be blown down in the wind,” wrote Rebecca Solnit in her essay A Short History of Silence. “Stories and conversations are like those roots.”

The nighttime calls were my root system that leant a beautiful intimacy to already existing friendships. Everyone who signed up already knew me fairly well. The combo of my present situation, plus the tenderness with which everyone tried to tiptoe around it, assured that the calls were truly wonderful.

I wanted to direct the conversation away from my explaining how I was doing. I wasn’t doing very well, and to repeat that night after night didn’t seem like an effective way to sleep better. So I decided to ask everyone two questions:

When life takes something or someone important from you or delivers a big blow, how do you find hope and joy again?

Does spirituality affect your ability to be resilient in life? (By this I meant lower-case “s” spirituality, general connectedness to all things / something greater, not necessarily Spirituality in a religious sense. For many who were religious, it was one and the same.)

The questions led to some beautiful discourse, a deep dive into wonder and the human experience. People felt comfortable sharing their own grief and losses, as well as how they picked themselves up again.

I listened, I shared, and I felt connected to the world in a way that I missed.

I slept well almost every night.

***

The day before my 40th birthday, someone asked me how old I felt internally. I laughed, saying that we all felt younger than we were. But she meant an actual number. The question stemmed from an exchange she had with her friends, since none of them felt their age.

Does anyone feel their actual age, over the age of 30? I suppose I assumed we generally did not, that we were all milling around in various states of cognitive dissonance, waiting for a certainty that would never arrive.

I thought about it and calculated that my internal compass stopped at 28. That was the answer I gave last Wednesday, and it still fits after exploring the edges of the statement ever since. It was at 28 that I planned in earnest to leave my law job and start traveling. I didn’t plan to keep traveling. My one year sabbatical was supposed to morph into real life once more, and into a law job potentially in the public sector instead of a private firm.

But as the story goes, not so much with the return to the law.

Frankly, up until that point, I did things a bit backward. I started law school just after my 19th birthday, I billed 90 weeks at a fast-paced firm, then moved to a slightly smaller one to work in advertising law. While I did play mini-putt in the hallway with paralegals while waiting for my proxy statements to turn, the level of billable hours certainly wasn’t what my most of my friends in their early twenties were doing. And as anyone in the billable business knows, the astronomical hours billed in my first year of lawyering meant far more actual hours in the office all told.

From the judicious billing in 6-minute units, I took a sabbatical to turn to what I loved most in the world: learning as much as possible every day. That my thirst to absorb (and eat!) turned into a business was extraordinary. That it sustained my travels financially and led me to develop a community of travellers and readers who supported my work was… well, very delightful. Very humbling. How did these smart, capable people become interested in my site? Reader meetups were a wondrous marvel. I didn’t know how they got there. I just felt grateful.

Long-term Legal Nomads fans know that I never quit my job as a lawyer because I burned out. I quit because I wanted to see the world, and let those memories inform my next steps as an attorney. That I had the privilege to do so was never lost on me. Taken together, that privilege plus my profound awe that I mistakenly stumbled into a passion that became a career, meant that most of my days took little for granted.

And then this leak happened.

When I look back, I feel a loss of innocence. How could I have known to also be grateful for the ability to tie my own shoes? To walk down the street without fear of someone bumping into me and reversing my fragile healing?

I wrote about being in pain since I got dengue fever, and along the edges of that pain I found a deeper appreciation for my work and my life. At the time, it felt that my world was narrowing beyond recognition for each. It took adjustment to recalibrate to gratitude.

With the perspective I have now, those years feel ethereal and free. That journey toward grace, and my earlier reacquaintance with food when I learned I was a celiac, both feel expansive in retrospect.

***

One of my favourite short quotes is by Italian writer Carlo Levi, who noted that “the future has an ancient heart.” In a 2011 column on The Rumpus, Cheryl Strayed shared it and added that the quote beautifully summarizes her belief that who we become is born of who we most primitively are. Strayed’s reply was to a request for a graduation speech for writers, many of whom dreaded entering the real world.

I think it’s a useful sentiment for you to reflect upon now, sweet peas, at this moment when the future likely feels the opposite of ancient, when instead it feels like a Lamborghini that’s pulled up to the curb while every voice around demands you get in and drive.

I remembered this column when I began to write this post. Those times where the future felt roaring and new are curiously hard to grasp. With the weight of tragedy, I’m not alone in struggling to reconcile who I was with how my heart and soul has evolved.

The future may have an ancient heart, but my present does too.

In the two years since this spinal leak began, my inbox overflowed regularly with the rattled confusion that accompanies deep misfortune. And I write those people back using my thumbs and I say, “Yes – what we actually know in our hearts feels murky in the midst of unfathomable disorientation. Yes. I hear you. I’m sorry. I’m listening.”

How do you trust your heart when you can’t put on your own socks? How do you close your eyes and be you when “you” no longer exists in some fundamental way? The catastrophe led each of us to this mysterious place where nothing makes any sense always fails to provide the way out.

The cold truth is that life just isn’t fair. Depending on our childhoods, we learn that lesson early. Or, we learn it later. Eventually, we figure it out. How we deal with the stoic certainty of that unfairness as it churns through us dictates how well we survive.

In those two years, I’ve come to believe what many before me have said. That way out is through. The way out is remembering what we are outside the bounds of our wounds. In a society obsessed with doing, identity often ties to your accomplishments, not who you are. Fighting through all that “doing” to get to the “being” sometimes feels like a salmon trying to swim upstream.

My life today life is life itty bitty teeny tiny through no fault of my own. Many weeks I cannot go outside. I am not alone in this place; I have found others with similar, persistent CSF leaks and similar complications following treatment. Together we hold ourselves aloft in the ether.

As I’ve written before, getting through this is not about thinking positive for me. It’s about choosing what serves this journey best. Anger corrodes, and the last thing I need is more of that. It has taken a conscious shift to force myself past the borders of reasonable reaction, and into something open-hearted. To accept this twisted lot I’ve received, and then transform those fiery feelings into something lighter and more empowering.

A wisp of life is what I have, sure. But my work each day is to find joy in that wisp. Or put another way: I can’t change what happened now, but I can change the way I wake up each day. Moment to moment, I have had to pull out my most powerful emotion-microscope to find ways to feel gratitude despite how much I grieve.

I have many tools that have helped me calibrate that microscope, and I absolutely could not have done it alone. I also could not have dedicated so much brainpower and time to overcoming the mental aspect of this big life change without my family holding the weight of my physical care.

The “how to stay sane within tragedy” is a question I receive each day from readers. I hope to write about it when my health allows. It’s one of the most important questions we can ask, even in the absence of calamity.

Every day, the choice looms: do we dust ourselves off and try to find joy, or do we wallow in suffering? It’s a decision we all have to make. I used to think that optimizing for joy alone meant that we were neglecting the reasons for suffering. I equated the shift in thinking to burying my head in the sand. Through this experience, I see that even when we have good reason to wallow, it doesn’t help us endure or overcome.

My stakes feel particularly acute, since most of my days are spent to myself. I first had to accept the intrinsic unfairness. Slowly now, I can untangle the knots of my frustration and despair, and flatten out the thread until it looks sleek. Neat and tidy.

And then the next day, I start all over again.

***

This picture was a generous gift from my friend Marie-Christine. A wedding photographer, she came over to shoot photos and make me feel glamorous for my 40th. I put on makeup for the first time in almost a year, went on the balcony, and MC did her thing.

A wise person once told me decades ago that it was smart never to compare my insides to someone else’s outsides. Few people wear their struggles on their sleeve or their face. We never know someone’s story, we can’t say what is weighing them down or lifting them up. We use our own beliefs, honed with however many years of bias, to make a judgement call about a stranger.

It doesn’t look like I spent 10 months in bed or that my brain is sinking into my spine, does it? There’s a reason they call it “invisible illness”. It’s one of 30 photos I’m set to receive, all taken last week. My smile and laughter are real. I had an excellent afternoon with a dear friend, even though I paid for being upright with some extra pain.

The afternoon was a reminder of what I’ve tried to remember as I pass through this extraordinary time. That each moment we get with someone we love, each second that we can find goodness and joy — that’s one moment we aren’t giving into what exists and can dredge us down.

***

“As my face changes, I will lose myself,” writes Chelsea G. Summers in a piece about the skincare industry. “The skin-deep existential crisis is this: Who am I when I don’t recognize myself in my own skin?”

As a woman, aging unfurls all sorts of whispered consequences. Peeking grey hair and wrinkles and yes, changing skin. These days, aging is somewhere in a storage space at the back of my mind. At forefront is instead the dearth of basics that I never thought I’d lack. Walking. Being able to tie my own shoes or cut my own toenails. Opening a heavy drawer. Cooking my own food. Laughing hard or coughing or sneezing without worrying about opening up a bigger leak in my spine.

It’s not been an easy few years. It’s been the hardest few years, harder than I ever thought I could sustain. I haven’t given up, and have surprised myself with the resilience I needed to power through. “I couldn’t do what you’re doing,” people tell me. Of course they could. We never know the depths of our own adaptability and strength until it’s deeply called into question.

My story is no exception, it’s just a story of extremes. Freedom to not-freedom, with the love of the world in between.

Learning as much as I could powered my life as a traveler, and it’s powering my life now. I’ve spent two years reading everything I could about neuroplasticity, immunology, and epigenetics. I’ve meditated more than is reasonable. Through force of imagination and curiosity, and with the help of many remarkable people, I’m no longer in the pit. Even though I don’t know when I’ll walk again without brain sag.

There are thousands and thousands of people who have shown me they care during this absurd time. I try to show up for other leakers in the same way, or for readers who are scared about their pain.

I dreaded my 40th for the last while because my plan was for years to summit a big mountain with my friends. But as the day approached, I made more peace with where I am. Is it where I wanted to be? Absolutely not. But the same lust for life that fuelled my too-young-to-be-lawyering years and my eating-all-of-the-soup years sustains me now.

Life changes in an instant, and I feel proud that I packed in more in my 40 years than many people get in a lifetime. For the last two years, I’ve had to live life from the inside-out, searching for answers that don’t exist. Trying to keep my brain afloat both literally and figuratively.

***

My actual birthday was as good as it could be given the circumstances. I woke up to a burst of love from around the globe from my family, community, and friends. Friends and my mum stopped in all day long in waves, to give me gentle hugs. My Montreal bestie, who you may remember from my post about how I officiated her wedding in Costa Rica, came over for sushi dinner and a beautiful cake.

The cake was specially by Kleine Shoppe. The owner, Katie, patiently took my short list of “ingredients that don’t cause a Jodi to go into anaphylaxis” and turned out one of the most beautiful cakes I’ve ever had the pleasure of eating.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Jodi Ettenberg Legal Nomads (@legalnomads) on Aug 16, 2019 at 5:43am PDT

To be clear, she chose the message not me. But it was both hilarious and delicious, and I saved some of it for future consumption.

I went to bed content on my 40th. Even without the foods I used to obsess over, I felt sated. And most of all, I felt deeply cared for.

Many of us have a hard time receiving love, and that’s been a lesson for me in the past two years. It’s hard not to feel unworthy – not of love generally, but the fierceness and care of so many who want to see me well. But the natural awkwardness of that feeling is far eclipsed by the strength it gives me, and the humbling effect the support has.

I’ve always looked young, something that was a liability as a lawyer, and a source of mirth as a traveler. But now, it feels particularly off-key. When I first arrived in New York as a summer associate I was 20. Amazed I was there at all, I would scrutinize people’s faces as they passed by. Who would I look like? Where would my life lead me in 20 years time? It’s always fascinating to remember the shape of those predictions in retrospect.

I look at my face and my face doesn’t look forty.

I look at my face and think, who cares how old my face looks?

In that 2011 Rumpus column, Strayed writes about the interstitial years between knowing your heart’s path and making it there, eventually.

The most terrible and beautiful and interesting things happen in a life. For some of you, those things have already happened. Whatever happens to you belongs to you. Make it yours. Feed it to yourself even if it feels impossible to swallow. Let it nurture you, because it will.

When I stare in the mirror, I see a weary but strong version of me that doesn’t jive with who I was, but is exactly who I am. Surprised and knowing all at once.

And in those quiet exhalations when the pain lessens for a blessed moment, I feel overwhelmed with pure love.

My soul in bloom and my ancient heart and my youthful face, all of it, braided together to help me feel whole.

-Jodi

How You Can Help

A lot of incredibly generous people have written to ask how to help during this time. I am not starting a Go Fund Me again, and unless things change I do not plan to.

However there are two easy ways to help.

1. Helping with awareness of CSF leaks

Make a donation to the CSF Spinal Leak Foundation, a 501(c)(3) charitable organization that has advocated tremendously for the condition I’m currently working to overcome. They are a lean organization, with those involved also dealing with spinal leaks – so every dollar counts. I’ve started a fundraiser for 1 week, via the Legal Nomads page. If you’re on Facebook, you can make a donation here until the fundraiser ends on August 22nd.

2. Helping me personally (which many of you have asked for specifically!)

I’ve told friends and extended family that the best way to help me is an Amazon gift card. This allows me purchase ingredients for foods I can eat, like teff and tiger nut flour, without my parents having to go hunt for them. I also use Amazon for the items that help with the disabilities I face – grabber devices, coccyx pillows, and my fave! Lying down glasses. You can send a gift card to legalnomads-at-gmail.com if you’d like to contribute to me personally.

***

PS. It seems my internal age broadcasts externally just fine, because several people joked that I looked 28 before I published this post. Here are a few of the responses from my birthday pics on FB and Instagram:

Best coincidence ever?

PPS. I had to end with a llama

Another of MC’s photos from our birthday photoshoot last week, with bonus llama photoshopped in by my always-creative friend, Laurence.

The post On Turning 40 With An Ancient Heart appeared first on Legal Nomads.

On Turning 40 With An Ancient Heart published first on https://takebreaktravel.tumblr.com/

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marcusssanderson · 6 years ago

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10 Signs It’s Time To Change Your Mindset To Better Your Life

Is it time for you to change your mindset?

The key to long-term health and happiness is a mindset. Many people mistake mindset for “fake-it-till-you-make-it” and that’s not it at all. There are two ends of the mindset spectrum: fixed versus growth. A fixed mindset holds to the belief that people are born with a set of skills and abilities that do not change. This mindset can cause problems in every area of life that demands that we grow and change, including work, relationships, and health.

A growth mindset is the opposite.

People with a growth mindset believe that change is not only possible but a positive and empowering part of life. These are the optimistic ones who look for opportunity and aren’t afraid to step outside their comfort zone in order to achieve a new goal.

Of course, these are two extremes, but most of us fall somewhere on the continuum so it’s helpful to know when it’s time for a fresh perspective.

10 signs it’s time to change your mindset to better your life

1. You’ve had the same complaint for more than a week

I know a few people who repeatedly complain so much about the same things, I already know their miseries even before I ask! Don’t let your complaints define you. Complaints are poison to any relationship, so you definitely want to get away from them as much as possible.

While It is important to acknowledge what we don’t like or what upsets us, it’s also important to acknowledge that there are opportunities for growth and change. So when you see something you don’t like, either change your mindset and do something about it or let it go.

2. Your relationship woes are on repeat

Is there a pattern in your relationships? If you’re having the same argument with your significant other week after week, then it’s time for a mindset shift. Most long-term couples who are struggling report a much higher level of relationship satisfaction after 5 years.

This is largely due to being pushed into growing in some way. Save time and anguish by resolving to shift to a growth mindset, which allows for change in yourself and your partner. There is a difference between what you need in life and what you need from your partner.

3. You are Content.

Feeling content is okay, but really it’s a short hop over to ambivalence. When was the last time something thrilled you? Close on the heels of a growth mindset is your passion and purpose.

While your passions and purpose may evolve over time, it’s important to acknowledge them and give them room to be expressed.

4. You put everyone else’s needs before your own.

Parents are especially prone to this. Granted, there are moments in time where the needs of others come first. This is especially true if you have an infant or someone is sick with the flu.

However, as the saying goes, “you can’t pour from an empty cup.” Long-term, healthy lifestyle changes that begin with a mindset shift are an investment in yourself that pays dividends in terms of the physical and emotional energy. The bonus here is that the better you meet your own needs, the more emotionally generous you can be later on.

5. You’ve asked yourself, “Is this all there is?”

This is the manifestation of growth versus fixed mindset in its simplest form. The short answer is no. Life is full of limitless possibilities. The best way to make these possibilities a reality is to start by switching your mindset from fixed to growth.

It’s not necessary to know what you’re growing towards but to know that growth is possible and necessary for long-term health and happiness. If your future seems depressing, change your mindset as the first step to better mental health.

6. Your health could use a tune-up.

Reality check: As a young adult, you still have youth on your side. The exercise and eating habits you relied on in your 20s won’t work as you age. The problem isn’t just poor diet and insufficient exercise.

More and more, we know the massive ill-effects of insufficient sleep. If change your mindset, you start to put yourself first. You deserve to make time to exercise, sleep well, and eat healthfully. You deserve these things as much as you deserve to shower.

It is possible to look and feel as good as you did in your twenties. Switching your mindset from “getting by” to “self-care” is the only healthy way to get there. Remember, it’s not about being a swimsuit model. It’s about maintaining health in the long term.

7. Your routine is painfully predictable.

Having a fixed mindset might serve you for a short time, but to thrive, you may try shaking things up a bit. If that sounds too vague and you don’t know where to start, try this: List your daily routine.

What is necessary? Do you notice something that doesn’t serve you? Oftentimes we keep a routine because it’s easier to go on autopilot to save mental energy that you may feel is in short supply.

By opening the door to change with a growth mindset, you allow ideas to flow freely into your daily experience. The benefit is that more meaningful experiences mean that you create more energy which improves your mood and overall outlook on life.

8. You hate your job

You spend the majority of your life at your job, so it’s important for you to enjoy it. Clearly, it’s not always practical or even advisable to quit your job in a blaze of glory. Adopting a growth mindset helps redefine your current experience as you explore other options later on.

Even if your co-worker is a total dolt and your cubicle is less than inspirational, there is room to reframe your perspective and use the experience as part of your personal growth. Identify where you are and imagine where you want to be.

Chart a course to get there. In the meantime, be open to learning opportunities within your current experience. You know what you don’t like. List what you do like. It could be the paycheck, the environment, the prestige, or the resume’ building experience.

9. You’ve been called a pessimist.

Either that, or the more polite term, “pragmatic.” This is the result of fixed mindset and will get you nowhere. Our ego would love to tell us that something isn’t possible, but in reality anything is possible with a growth mindset.

Sometimes this outlook manifests because secretly we don’t believe that we are worthy of anything more than what is in front of us. The truth is, growth is possible, even if the solution isn’t clear yet.

10. You are self-critical

A growth mindset is the most instant cure for self-criticism. If your inner dialogue has been harsh, snarky, or downright hateful, it’s time for a mindset shift. Remind yourself that you are where you are because that’s the plan for you right now.

It’s important to be aware of those last two words, “right now.” Nothing is set in stone. A change in perspective is more powerful than you realize. Once the self-criticism stops and as you heal your relationship with yourself, you are at a point where real, useful, and powerful changes can happen. Hopefully, you’ve learned how to change your mindset to better your life.

The post 10 Signs It’s Time To Change Your Mindset To Better Your Life appeared first on Everyday Power Blog.

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sarahburness · 7 years ago

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8 Quick and Easy Meditation Techniques to Calm Your Anxious Mind

Have you ever found it hard to motivate yourself to do something that was good for you, only to eventually do it, feel amazing, and wonder why you waited so long?

That’s what meditating was like for me. Even though I knew I could do it for only five minutes each day to feel calmer, less stressed, and more present, I found excuses not to do it regularly for years.

I’d tell myself five minutes wasn’t enough; I really needed thirty or more, and I didn’t have that time, so why bother?

I’d lament that I was too anxious to sit still (ironic, considering that I knew meditating could calm my anxiety).

I’d complain that my environment was too distracting (irony yet again, since meditation ultimately helps us focus and better deal with distractions).

And then there was my most commonly used excuse: “It just doesn’t work for me.”

Of course it didn’t “work.” I wasn’t meditating with any consistency. And when I did, I got impatient with my own busy brain, like watching the proverbial pot that wouldn’t boil, instead of simply easing into the experience.

I was approaching it with a perfectionist mindset, as if I needed to eventually have a completely clear mind to be “good at it.”

Everything changed for me when I realized I could meditate in many different ways, to suit my schedule, moods, and needs; and that the only goal was to show up, mindfully observe my inner life, and practice detaching from my thoughts.

It was okay if I never achieved complete mental clarity. The practice itself, with its mental messiness and mind wandering, was the path to more clarity in my daily life.

And it’s not just about mental clarity. Adopting a regular meditation practice—even just five minutes a day—can improve your sleep, regulate your mood, boost your resilience, and help ease and prevent a number of physical ailments.

No other habit positively impacts so many areas of your life simultaneously. Because meditation helps reduce anxiety, depression, stress, and anger, while improving your focus, presence, and physical health, it bleeds into all areas of your life—your work, your relationships, your hobbies.

Literally everything can transform, over time, with just five minutes each day.

Whether you’re new to meditation or just looking for some alternative ways to fit mindfulness into your daily life, you may enjoy trying one or more of my favorite practices, including…

1. Alternate Nostril Breathing

Hold your left nostril down with your left thumb and inhale through your right nostril. Then close your right nostril with your left index finger, so both are closed, and hold the breath. Release your left nostril only and exhale.

With your right nostril still closed, inhale through your left. Now close your left nostril with your thumb, so both nostrils are closed, and hold the breath. Release your index finger from your right nostril and exhale.

This is one set. Complete a minimum of five sets to harmonize the left and right hemispheres of your brain, calm your nervous system, and create a sense of relaxation and ease.

2. The 100-Breaths Technique

Close your eyes. Feel your back against your chair and your feet pressed firmly on the ground, then gently bring yourself into the present moment. Now start breathing through your nostrils and counting as you go, thinking “and” for every inhale, and the number for each exhale—inhale “and,” exhale “one”; inhale “and,” exhale “two.”

Feel your belly rise with each inhalation, and let the breaths slow as you count yourself into a greater sense of relaxation. After you reach 100, open your eyes, move your fingers and toes, and bow your head in gratitude for the mental space you created.

3. Full Body Breath Scan

Start by inhaling through your nose, expanding your stomach, and counting to five. As you breathe in, visualize soothing warm light filling your feet, and then exhale through your lips for a count of five, while visualizing yourself releasing any tension you may have been carrying there.

Repeat this process for your ankles, your shins, your knees, and so on, all the way up to your head. End your breathing practice by silently expressing gratitude for the healing power of your breath.

4. Lip-Touching Breathing

When aroused, your sympathetic nervous system puts you in a state of high alert—that sense of “fight-or-flight” panic that tells you there’s some sort of threat. Your parasympathetic nervous system, when aroused, produces the opposite feeling—a sense of relaxation and ease.

In his book, Buddha’s Brain, Rick Hanson suggests a few simple ways to stimulate the parasympathetic nervous system—the simplest of which is to touch your lip with two fingers.

The lips contain parasympathetic nerve fibers, making this is a simple approach to create a sense of calm that you can use anywhere, anytime. To reap the benefits, all you need to do is touch your lips, breathe slowly, and tell yourself, “I am safe.”

5. Walking Meditation

Though you can practice this any time you’re walking, you may want to find a peaceful place to stroll, away from crowds, chaos, or noise pollution. If it��s safe to walk barefoot, this will give you a sense of being more connected to the earth.

Stand with your spine straight, with your shoulders and arms relaxed, and take a few inhalations and exhalations to breathe in calming energy and breathe out tension.

Now begin slowly moving forward and sync your breathing with your steps—right foot, inhale; left foot, exhale. Use all of your senses to fully experience where you are—the warm feeling of sun on your face, the soft sound of wind rustling leaves on trees. The goal is not to arrive at a destination; it’s simply to be present in the experience of walking.

6. Meditative Shower

It’s easy to let go of all other thoughts when you’re standing under a stream of water, set to the perfect temperature for you.

Take this time to tune into your senses. Choose a soap you love so that the scent is intoxicating. Enjoy the sensation of the water on your skin, and feel it drip down your back, your calves, and your heels.

Notice when you begin thinking about the day ahead (or behind you). Don’t judge the thoughts or yourself for having them. Instead, visualize them going down the drain and then bring your focus back to the experience of cleansing your body and mind.

7. Chore Meditation

Whether you’re vacuuming, dusting, or washing dishes, it can be your meditation if you immerse yourself completely in the activity.

Washing dishes, for example, can be both satisfying and grounding. Feel the warm water on your hands; let yourself enjoy the experience of making something dirty clean again. Don’t think about finishing or what you’ll do when you’re done. Focus solely on the doing and see if you can find a sense of acceptance and presence in doing it slowly and well.

8. Mindful Eating

Instead of eating quickly with one eye on your food and the other on your iPhone, turn mealtime into meditation.

Breathe deeply and try to identify the different nuances of scent in each item on your plate. When you’re eating, take deep breaths between each bite, and think about your food like a gourmet, appreciating the different flavors and textures.

If you find your thoughts wandering to things you’ve done or have to do, bring your attention to the feeling of the fork in your hand. Then breathe deeply, take a bite, and focus on your gratitude for the food in front of you.

—

You can incorporate any of these techniques into your day to begin to reap the benefits. And it really only takes five minutes, though you may be tempted to do more once you get started. Mindfulness just feels that good. In a world where it’s all too easy to get distracted and caught up in your thoughts and fears, there’s nothing quite as calming as a few moments of pure presence.

If you’re interested in learning more about mindfulness and meditation, I highly recommend Tara Brach’s online course, Flourishing in Stressful Times.

Tara Brach is a world-renowned teacher in the meditation world, equipped with a Ph. D in Clinical Psychology and a five-year Buddhist teacher training program under her belt. She blends psychotherapy and meditation into a beautiful mindfulness practice.

This particular course was designed for people who are plagued by stress and anxiety and/or caught up in destructive behaviors. If you’ve never visited Udemy before, you may want to check out their other offerings here.

**Though this post was sponsored by Udemy, you can trust that I only promote products and courses I personally love.

About Lori Deschene

Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha and Recreate Your Life Story, an online course that helps you let go of the past and live a life you love. Her latest bookTiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal, which includes 15 coloring pages, is now available for purchase. For daily wisdom, follow Tiny Buddha on Twitter, Facebook & Instagram..

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from Tiny Buddha https://tinybuddha.com/blog/mindfulness-peace-blog/8-quick-and-easy-meditation-techniques-to-calm-your-anxious-mind/

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shivaswati · 8 years ago

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Shiva and Swati's Notes on Happiness Tuesday, 31 January 2017 Learning from Past Mistakes - A SCRIPTED REPROGRAMMING VISUALIZATION The following is an excerpt from my book REDEFINING HAPPINESS . It has been practised to try and test its validity before writing it down. All the 25 techniques of self healing given in this book are applied techniques and have to be applied on self while reading, for the positive energy shift which you desire to be created as an automatic behaviour of your subconscious mind. https://www.amazon.com/REDEFINING-HAPPINESS-Handling-Negative-Empowerment-ebook/dp/B00RV8JWB2/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&qid=1485884185&sr=8-5&keywords=shiva+swati METHOD 24 Learning from Past Mistakes Soul evolution is about learning from past mistakes. We make mistakes because we are in a hurry to achieve an outcome and we adopt wrong methods of learning. When we make mistakes, we feel negative as we create more trouble for ourselves than happiness. Mistakes can occur in various areas of life. However, mistakes make us feel negative only when we fail to learn our soul lessons. If we clear our soul tests and do not repeat the pattern of making the mistakes, we evolve to a higher dimension of happiness. Like, when a toddler falls while walking, it is a mistake. If he keeps falling, he would feel negative. But, if he does not attempt to walk in fear of falling, he may never learn to walk. Once he learns to walk with balance and patience, the mistake would help him evolve. Hence, in order to evolve and walk with balance in life, it is necessary to learn from mistakes. However, when we make a mistake, we fall into a trap of negative thinking. Then, because our focus becomes negative, we keep repeating the same mistakes. If we are in the habit of not learning from mistakes, rescripting the mind from a pure energy level helps. Rescripting the mind from an energy dimension means that we relive the event in our mind but at an energy level. Then, we reverse the energy current in an opposite direction, without repeating the energy pattern of making the mistake. Metaphorically, if we are in the habit of getting into accidents along a path, rescripting our mind means that we walk along the same path in our mind and do not get into an accident. We would find that we repeat the same patterns in imagination as we do in reality, and it is as difficult to control our mind in imagination as in real life. However, since physical limitations do not awe us in imagination, it is easier to train our mind in that mentally created scenario, than on the real plane. Once new ways of working are discovered by our mind at the abstract level, our subconscious mind transfers the learning on the physical plane more skillfully. By training our mind to focus on the correct visualization, when we encounter a similar situation again, we find that we automatically do not repeat the mistake. The urge to stay negative reduces as we keep practicing mind control. The following steps can be followed to rescript a memory of a mistake. This will help you subconsciously, reverse the energy of the mistake. Breaking the Chain – Erasing Habit Of Making Mistakes Subconsciously • Close your eyes. • Sit with feet flat on the floor or lie down. • Keep your spine straight. • Stretch out your hands. • Keep both your elbows stretched out straight. • Let your palms face the sky. • Do not rest them anywhere. Keep them suspended in a way that you have to balance the suspended elbows position. This balancing need would make your mind go into semi trance as you continue to focus on the single thought of balancing your hands in air. • Next, focus on both your palms at the same time. • Keep focusing on your palms while also staring at the center of your eyebrows. • Maintain a three point focus for a minute. • As you maintain the focus, your eyes would start closing • Allow your eyes to close. • Count one to five and take in a deep breath to your stomach. • See yourself staring at a TV screen or a cinema screen. • Now, think of the situation where you usually make a mistake • Replay the event in your mind on the TV SCREEN. • Record the associated feelings mentally. Be aware of how you feel after having made the mistake • Now, just focus on the feeling you feel after the mistake is done. • It is a negative feeling. • View it as an energy current or as a wire of energy moving in a certain direction. • Now, reverse the current. • If the energy is moving anti-clockwise, let it rotate clockwise; and if the energy is rotating clockwise, make it rotate anti clockwise. If the energy is going forward, let it come backwards. • If the current is moving horizontally, let it come into you vertically. Connect yourself to the sky with a vertical electric wire taking life force current from the sky. • Now, focus on the energy moving in a reverse direction for a minute. • See the earlier situation again where you made the mistake. • Erase the memory. • Make the picture blurred, black and white. • Make it hazy as if you are erasing it with a rubber. • Now, feel the memory being sucked into the sunlight and only white light remaining, as an empty canvas in your mind. • In place of the memory of you making the mistake, feel golden energy revolving on the TV screen. Feel the energy wire rotating anti clockwise, in the direction opposite to what it was when you made the mistake. • If there is a pull to make the mistake again, control the energy movement with mind power. • You would notice that you are as tempted to make the mistake in your mind as in reality. • When you control yourself from making the mistake in your imagination, you would be able to control yourself as much from making the mistake in reality. • Control your mind again and again by reversing energy currents with force, as if applying a break to a car speeding in a wrong direction. The force would be required because you want to reverse the direction of speed. • Ask your spirit guide mentally why you should not make the mistake or how can you correct it in alignment with your plan of soul evolution. • Download wisdom as an energy coming into your body from the sky. • Now, replay the event with you feeling positive at the end of it. • Enter the event with a firm control on your energy. • Keep seeing yourself living in the event as you desire. • Prevent the negative pull from dissuading you to be weak again and indulge in the action which makes you feel negative at the end. Ask your mind to show you alternative methods of finding the same kind of happiness. • Invest your energies in pursuing those alternative methods. • The negative urge would keep pulling till you can completely convince yourself that making the mistake is harmful for your happiness. • Repeatedly download wisdom in your body as a shower of golden energy coming from the sky and filling your body. Awareness would dawn sooner if you can keep focusing on mentally choosing the alternate methods your mind suggests for tackling that situation. If you are able to convince yourself that by using the alternative methods, you are able to attain the same intention, as by indulging in the negative behavior, your urge would diminish overtime. Keep practicing the imagination of not repeating the mistakes but using alternative methods to feel good. Your feeling of being able to control your mind would increase your self-worth, as your soul would evolve to a higher positive frequency. You may make the mistake again a few times but with consistent, persistent focus on reversing your energy, you would rise above the mistake. Also, before entering the event, always visualize that you are not making the mistake and are coming out of the event feeling empowered, not low in spirits as earlier. If you are unable to train your mind to focus on not making the mistake, there could be three reasons: You may be a lazy person or you may lack belief in your own abilities. The behavior may be in alignment with your soul’s vision of happiness. It may not be a mistake from the soul’s perspective. There may be requirement of additional therapies like inner child healing or past life therapy. However, persistence to heal would direct you to seek the right therapies needed for your soul to rise to a higher level of happiness. swati shiv at 09:39 Share No comments: Post a Comment ‹ › Home View web version About the Author swati shiv http://www.gurusfeet.com/guru/swati-shiv Dr. Swati Shiv,RMP (A.M), Ccht. ,- has written five books on the soul's purpose of life and how to be happy by dealing with problems from the perspective of happiness. The books have a unique voice and approach happiness as an energy not as tangible objects,money, rewards or food but as joy, health , love, contentment, peace etc. i.e as a derivative of things pursued .These books cover the history of human lives over war periods, how competitive stress has led to negative conditioning in schooling and how we need to change the way we think from early childhood to be happy and healthy as adults. http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=swati+shiv Just a superficial approach to happiness does not help as happiness has to arise by cleansing the core of the soul from misguided beliefs about life. The books explain how to be happy in difficulties through using simplified, practical meditation and changing self destructive beliefs by increasing the soul's power in taking decisions.

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