#this is the longest single chapter of anything i've ever written i think

[teejaystumbles]

Against all odds (part 8)

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4 // Part 5 // Part 6 // Part 7

(Whenever I put this on AO3 it will probably be all one chapter and the longest single chapter fic I've ever written lol) (continues straight after Part 7)

Shame the stranger won’t want to visit the White Horse again any time soon, he thinks as he changes into his sleep clothes. It’s still a decent pub even if Hob heard when he last visited that they want to tear the place down for new buildings. It’s a shame, truly. Hob likes the old Inn. It’s one of the few constants in his life, the most important right after his stranger.

He lies down with a sigh and stares at the ceiling, trying to recall how the place has changed through time. He falls asleep before he can reach the 15th century.

--

Hob dreams again of the White Horse. It is 1389 and he is sitting and drinking with his mates of old, joking about Death being stupid.

A man clad all in black with a face as white as the moon steps silently up to their table. Hob’s mates ask him who he is but the man stays silent and doesn’t acknowledge them, his pitch-black eyes fixed on Hob. Hob stares. He knows him. Would know him anywhere. This is his friend, who he’s been waiting for for a very, very long time.

He ignores the others and they fade into obscurity. He says, awe and wonder clear in his voice and face, “You came.”

“We have an appointment, Hob Gadling. Of course I came.”

“But you didn’t- you didn’t want to meet…here. Any more. Am I wrong?” Hob feels confused. He knows what he’s saying is right, but it doesn’t make any sense, here and now where he has never met this man before. The stranger inclines his head.

“In your dreams I do not feel hesitant to visit this place. It is yours, and therefore a pleasant space to be in.”

Hob frowns.

“Mine? This is your place, my friend. Our place.”

“No. This is your dream of the White Horse Inn, Hob, and every human’s who has lived and visited it. But yours especially. It is not mine,” his friend says almost wistfully, “Neither here, nor in the Waking.”

“Then I'll find us a new place, or I'll build one!” Hob exclaims and jumps up. “A new Inn. One where you'll feel comfortable, a bright place, with a garden and a tree out front and sunny spots to sit and talk, or be quiet. Somewhere that is ours, yours and mine.”

“You would? For me?”

“Aye. I would do anything for you, my friend. My lord.”

Hob tastes the unfamiliar title on his tongue, repeats it again and finds it to feel perfectly right for his stranger, especially when he sees the sparkle in the man's eyes at being addressed as such. “My lord…” The words Hob knows he had been tempted to say on this day in 1389 roll out of him like a rushing river he cannot stop- 

“I’d swear fealty to you, if you’d accept it, and call you my liege. My king,” and he sinks to one knee before the one who rules him.

--

Dream gasps as Hob’s words hit him with the force of a wave crashing into him. He vibrates with ambiguous emotion as Hob smoothly sinks to one knee before him, brown doe eyes looking up at Dream with pure honesty and - love. It’s clearly love that’s shining out of Hob’s eyes and Dream feels the flames at his mantle’s hem lick higher and higher.

What is this human doing, offering him first his blood and now his fealty?

“Oh. Hob,” he rasps, aghast. He doesn’t know what to say. He accepted the first offering. Would it be wise to decline the second? There is magic in the number Three, if he is not careful this will turn into a dangerous affair indeed. If this continues Hob Gadling could be bound to him forever. Excitement rushes through him at the thought.

His.

Someone who'd willingly be Dream’s!

He cannot do this. He mustn’t. Hob may love him, or a version of him he thinks he knows, but Hob is someone who needs to be his own man. Dream cannot imagine him as a vassal, a servant, of anybody, least of all Dream’s.

He takes a step closer and puts a hand on Hob’s head. The man gazes hopefully up at him, a smile on his face. Dream feels his chest tighten.

“You honour me, old friend. Yet I would not rob you of your freedom. You are, and should always be, your own lord and master, subservient to none. I do not wish to be your king.”

Hob’s face falls for a moment and Dream prepares himself for Hob’s disappointment. Then the man at his feet suddenly smiles again and grabs Dream’s hand, cradling it gently before laying a kiss on it.

“Shame. I think it’s too late for you to refuse, my lord, as I have already made my choice. You need not acknowledge me as yours, I will still fight for you and defend you if you are in need. If not a servant, then I am your loyal ally, and I will still offer you anything that is mine.”

Dream shivers and gapes at Hob, who winks cheekily at him and kisses Dream’s hand again. Hastily Dream takes a step back and cradles his hand against his chest.

“You do not know what you promise, Hob. You have to be careful-”

“Careful? Hah!” Hob barks a laugh and gets up from the floor. He claps Dream on the shoulder as if they’ve always been in the habit of touching each other so casually and Dream flinches, stunned.

“Sorry to say this, old friend, but when it comes to you I have never been very careful. Don’t think I can start now.”

Hob shrugs and turns to the table to grab a tankard of ale and a glass of red wine, strangely modern in the mediaeval surroundings of the old tavern, and thrusts it into Dream’s hand. Then Hob toasts him with another wink.

“To our long and lasting friendship, my lord. My friend.”

Dream, perplexed, raises his glass in turn and they both drink. Hob grins happily at him and Dream feels his cheeks flush. He vanishes the wine with a frustrated gesture. Leave it to Hob Gadling to stump him and make him accept a second gift despite himself. He needs to think about this.

He murmurs, “This dream is over,” and leaves Hob to his sleep.

--

Hob wakes up with the feeling of having dreamt something nice, but he can't remember more than that he was in the old White Horse. Snatches of a conversation, of making a toast, come back to him, but he doesn't know who he was even talking to. No matter. It's still better than no dreams at all. He feels much more rested after sleeping since the dreams returned. Seems like his brain is very grateful.

He gets up and throws a glance over at his desk. The journal is gone. Hob blinks. Then he grins and goes to get ready for his day.

His stranger has taken the book! Now it’s just waiting for him to return it. Oh, and come up with a new place to meet, he supposes, while he shaves and slicks his hair back for another day at the agency. Hob sighs. He really needs to get another life. He’s sick and tired of his job and this look. He likes his flat but now that his stranger and him have a new way to communicate, and his friend has no interest in entering the White Horse any time soon, maybe Hob can just up and move to another town for a bit.

He finishes his routine and goes to put the kettle on. He hasn’t taken a holiday in a while. Maybe it’s time for a break at least, if not a reinvention of Hob Gadling. He can come up with what to do next and focus on his stranger. He seems to desperately need the company of a friend, even if he won’t say it outright, and Hob wants to be that friend. 

After breakfast Hob drives to work to finish up some business before he calls in some time off for a family emergency. ‘Against all odds’ plays on the radio and Hob sighs. He listens for a while as his Porsche crawls through London traffic, humiliated by the memory of putting these lyrics down to express his feelings in that first journal entry addressed to his friend. He switches stations and lands on the other extreme - Kylie’s ‘I should be so lucky’ cheerfully hits him right in the heart again. “It's a crazy situation, You always keep me waiting, Because it's only make believe, And I would come a-running, To give you all my loving, If one day, you would notice me-” “Christ,” Hob growls and turns the radio off. Just one more day. He just needs to keep his head for a few more hours, finish off some editing, talk to his bosses and then he’ll be free to wallow and pine for as long as he wants. “Get it together, Gadling,” he hisses at himself and changes gears as the light turns finally green. It’s not like his stranger is not talking to him. He’s back. Everything’s fine. Better than fine, even. He shouldn’t be hung up about things that will never change, he should focus on all the positive developments. His friend wants to meet him again, so Hob should focus on figuring out where they could meet. A park would probably be best, he thinks.

Part 9

[sequinsmile-x]

Where You Go - Chapter 4

She isn’t sure what does it, whether it’s the condescending tone in her mother’s voice, or how she can hear her aunt laughing in the background, but she’s lying before she can stop herself.

“Actually, I am seeing someone."

AKA - the one where Emily asks Aaron, her best friend (who she happens to be hopelessly in love with) to pose as her boyfriend at her cousin's wedding, and things change between them forever.

-x-

Hi friends,

I am genuinely blown away by the love for this fic - reading all of your comments about these two idiots has been incredible.

I've never written fake dating quite like this before, so thank you for letting me experiment with a new trope to me. I really am so glad you liked this, and I am excited to know what you think of this final part <3

-x-

Warnings: full list of tags can be found on the Master List (this chapter does contain smut)

Words: 4.7k

Read over on Ao3, or below the cut

For a moment, she lets herself sink into it. 

It’s like her body is on autopilot, her hands wrapping delicately around his wrists, the question of when did he put his hands on my cheeks barely registering as she unconsciously moves closer to him. It felt new and exciting and explosive, but also like it was something they’d done a thousand times, not just this once. Like coming home after the longest journey, worth every single step on the rocky path that had led her there. 

It’s only when he sighs contentedly, something she feels rather than hears, that her brain kicks back into gear, confusion flooding through her, chasing away anything that might make this feel good. 

She wrenches herself back from him, her chest heaving as she does so, her fingers pressed against her lips, the pads of them against the warmth he left there, the warmth he seemed to leave everywhere, as she stares at him. 

“Aaron…what…” she swallows thickly and shakes her head, a strangled laugh forcing itself out of her chest, “What?” 

He swallows thickly, distracted by the taste of her on his lips as his tongue runs over them, lost for words as he tries to gather himself, the brief moment of everything he’d wanted for years wrapped up in a single kiss so overwhelming that he struggles for a few seconds. He simply stares at her, the confusion painted across her face somehow making her more beautiful and ethereal than she had ever been. He reprimands himself, his hands forming fists at his sides as he pulls himself together, his nails sharp as they dig into his palms, the sensation finally bringing his brain back online. 

“I heard you in the bathroom this morning,” he says, clearing his throat as she frowns at him, her eyebrows knitting together as she tries to figure out what he’s talking about, “When you were talking to JJ.”

Her heart drops into her stomach, warmth creeping across her skin, embarrassment sneaking up on her and placing its hand on her shoulder, causing a shiver to break out throughout her body, something he sees across the distance she had put between them.

“Oh god,” she grumbles, pressing her fingers against her forehead, her eyes screwing closed, “This is so fucking embarrassing,” the embarrassment is fleeting, pushed away by indignant anger as she looks back up at him, “You were listening to my conversation?” 

He puts his hands up in defence, “Not on purpose,” he exclaims, “I promise. The door isn’t exactly soundproof.” 

She deflates as the anger fades as quickly as it had appeared, and she nods in acknowledgement, the memory of his out-of-tune singing in the shower that morning hitting her with full force, “So…you heard me?” 

He nods, “Yes.” 

She presses her lips together, hope sparking in her belly, the unexpected kiss gasoline on the fire she’d been trying to stoke all weekend, “Why didn’t you say anything this morning?”

“I thought you were talking about Derek.” He grimaces, embarrassed about his earlier assumption, a feeling that only gets worse, his entire body burning with it, when she looks at him like he’s grown another head, her face screwed up as she chokes on a laugh. 

“Derek?” She asks incredulously, “You thought I was in love with Derek?” 

He clears his throat and shoves his hands into his pockets as he avoids eye contact, “You said you didn’t want to ruin your friendship, you mentioned Ian,” he looks at her again, sees how her amused smile has slipped away, and it makes him ache, his hands still firmly in his pockets to stop himself from reaching out for her, “And I knew how hard everyone was on you when you came back - especially him. I made an assumption.” 

She hums, “Well, you know what they say about assumptions,” she mutters, she steps closer to him, drawn in by the invisible force that had always been there. If she didn’t know how hard they’d both worked to get here, how much they had endured, she’d think it was the universe pushing them together, “Derek is far too self-assured for me,” she says, smiling as she reaches for him, her hand delicately wrapping around his wrist, encouraging his hand out of his pocket so she can link their fingers together, “I prefer the broody, slightly grumpy type.”

He tries, and fails, to fight a smile. He squeezes her hand, “If it isn’t clear,” he says, running his thumb back and forth over the heel of her hand, unsure which one of them he’s trying to soothe, “I love you, Emily,” her eyes start to shine, “And I have for a long time.”

A breath catches in her chest, filling the space she’d carved out for him a long time ago, but she still finds herself hesitating, past experience and unanswered questions forcing her to protect herself just a little while longer. 

“What about Beth?” She asks, her voice not sounding like her own, the confidence she’d spent a lifetime cultivating nowhere to be found, “You only just broke up with her.” 

The same guilt he’d felt when he broke up with Beth washes over him, shame for what felt like using the other woman to get over Emily threatening to pull him under. He’s briefly overwhelmed by it, but then he feels Emily squeeze his hand, her touch his port in a storm. When he looks back up at her, her eyes are full of understanding, full of something he now knows is love. 

“A misguided attempt to try to move forward because I was convinced you didn’t feel the same way,” he admits, his smile tight as he shrugs, “I broke up with her because it wasn’t fair on her. She deserved to be with someone who feels the same way about her that I feel about you.” 

She gasps quietly, the confession somehow more meaningful than anything else he’d said, his words quiet and unassuming and utterly life-changing. She leans forward, folding herself into his embrace, her cheek against his chest as he wraps his free around her, their linked hands trapped between them. She isn’t sure how long they stand there like that, how long she lets herself get lost in the feeling of being pressed up against him, how his palm spans almost the entirety of her back. 

“What would you have done?” She asks, pulling back to look at him, still close enough that their noses scrape by each other, “If I had been talking about Derek.” 

He sighs, his grip on her tightening at the thought of it, and his expression turns stern his jaw clenched before he responds, “I would have sat him down and made him see sense. And then made sure he knew what would happen if he ever hurt you.” 

She bites her lower lip, leaning in closer so her nose bumps against his, her eyes drifting down to his lips, “You would have just…watched me be with someone else?” 

The question makes him smile, the irony in the fact that she’d recently watched him be with someone else not lost on him, “I just want you to be happy.” 

She smiles, but he only sees a flash of it before she closes the final gap between them, her lips soft as they press against his. He immediately tightens his hold on her, his hand firm against her lower back as she wraps her arms around his neck, moaning softly as he deepens the kiss. She nips his lower lip as she pulls back, her smile wide as she presses her forehead against his. 

“I’m guessing you’re going to be the perfect gentleman and not let this go any further than making out for now?” 

He leans in, his lips stamped against the corner of hers, “I want to take you on a date first, sweetheart.”  

She flushes at the term of endearment, her heart swelling in her chest, “This whole weekend has been one long date.” 

He chuckles, “I mean it. I want to take you for dinner. We have a lot to talk about.” 

She rolls her eyes but then nods, kissing him quickly, delighted in her newfound ability to do so, “Fine,” she grumbles, “But we can still make out, right?” 

He smiles widely and she cups his cheek, her thumb pressed into his dimple, something she’d wanted to do since the first time she noticed he had them, “Absolutely.” 

She bites the inside of her cheek, desperately trying to stop her smile from getting wider, so used to trying to put a dampener on her emotions even when she doesn’t have to. “Just so you know,” she says lightly scratching his scalp, taking delight in how he shivers, “I love you too.” 

His response is to kiss her, something that is lost to their wide smiles.

___

He takes her on a date the next day. 

The drive home from the wedding isn’t all that different to the drive to Connecticut. They talked and made fun of each other’s music preferences, but this time his hand was heavy on her thigh most of the journey, her fingers loosely linked through his. When he drops her home he carries her bag upstairs for her, leaving her at her door with a kiss and a promise that he’d be back in a few hours. 

He comes back exactly 3 hours later, freshly showered and in a suit, a bunch of sunflowers in his hands, his smile unsure as he explains he chose them because they wouldn’t be toxic to Sergio. She’d kissed him then and there, not sure how else to respond to his thoughtfulness, her hand on his chin as she held him in place.

There’s a moment, thankfully brief, when she worries dinner will be awkward, that they’ve built it up too much. But it’s just like every other meal they’ve ever shared. Easy and relaxed as they talk about everything, all the moments they’d somehow missed along the way, their hands linked on the table as they shake their heads at every missed opportunity. She doesn’t miss how he swallows thickly when she talks French to the waiter, how his grip on her hand gets tighter. They argue about who gets to pay for dinner, and she eventually relents, letting him win this one because she knows there will be so many more dates to come. 

He’s nervous when they make it back to hers, his hand tight around hers as she pulls him into her apartment. He never wanted her to think he was making assumptions, that he thought he had to spend the night no matter how much he wanted to. He wanted to do this at her pace, to make what would be both of their last first times special. 

She dumps her purse on the counter next to the vase of sunflowers and turns in his embrace, her arms hooking around his neck as she kisses him. “Thank you for dinner,” she says, kissing him again, “And my flowers.” 

He pulls her closer, his hand pressed against the dip of her back. He rubs the soft material of her dress between his thumb and forefinger, “Em…”

“Oh no, you aren’t backing out on me now mister,” she says, winking at him as if she’d read his mind, “You said dinner,” she kisses him, “And that we’d talk,” she smiles as she pulls back, “We did both.” 

He shifts his hands to her hips and squeezes them, “I want you to be sure.” 

She feels love bloom in her chest, warming her from the inside out as she brushes his hair out of his face. She’d quietly admitted to him the night before, tangled together in the same position they’d accidentally woken up in that morning, that she hadn’t had sex since her showdown with Ian. He knew what it was to contend with a new body, to learn what it was like to look in the mirror and not recognise the person looking back at you. 

“I’m sure,” she replies, her eyes flicking to his lips, “Besides, it would be a waste of the very uncomfortable yet very sexy lingerie I have on under this dress,” she smiles when his grip on her hips gets tighter, drawing a moan out of her as she imagines feeling the callouses on his fingers against her bare skin. She kisses him once more before she pulls him towards the bedroom, her smile wide as he follows her, his arms wrapped around her from behind as they walk as one. 

She picks Sergio up off the bed and kisses his head before she places him on the floor outside the bedroom, muttering an apology she feels ridiculous for to the cat as she closes the door. 

She blows out a breath before she turns to look at Aaron, nerves she hadn’t expected or felt since her very first time, a quick and awkward fumble that had led to one of the defining moments in her life. 

The nervousness is gone the moment she turns around, the absolute reverence in his eyes enough to make her feel confident, a magnetic pull that drags her towards him. As soon as she’s close enough, she kisses him. It’s a step change to all the kisses they’d shared so far, no restraint in the way he grasps at her, the material of her dress already starting to bunch around her waist. 

They walk backwards towards the bed, her back hitting the mattress with a gentle thunk as she pulls him on top of her, moaning into his mouth at the weight of him on top of her. His hand snakes its way under her, his fingers easily finding the zipper of her dress. He drags it down as she arches her back, a shiver chasing his touch as she presses her chest against his. He feels how she tenses as he pulls the straps of her dress down her arms, her shoulders tight beneath him the moment his fingers come close to skimming the brand mark on her chest. He immediately stops, pulling back enough to look at her, their eyes meeting as he sucks in a breath, shaking his head to remove the haze of arousal. 

“Em,” he says, his hands moving to a more respectable spot on her waist, as they both sit up “We don’t-”

“I want to,” she says, hooking her hand around the back of his head, pulling him in so their foreheads touch, “It’s just…I....” 

She trails off, unsure how to put it into words, but he understands because he’s him. Because he’s been there, and the way smiles at her eases some of the tension that had built in her lungs. 

“You’re so beautiful,” he says, kissing her cheek, “So beautiful. Nothing could ever change that.” 

She kisses him fiercely, pressing everything into it that words would never be enough to convey. As she’s kissing him she slips her arms out of the straps of her dress herself. The material slips down to her waist, exposing her scars all at once. When he looks at her, nothing but awe in his eyes she feels empowered. 

He’s sure he’s never seen anyone, or anything, more beautiful. He kisses her brand mark, taking time to linger over it, before he moves downwards, his mouth and hands paying close attention to the deep green lace of her bra, before he unhooks it, leaving her naked from the waist up. She throws her head back, his name a broken whimper as she hugs his head to her chest with one arm, the other behind her as she gently lowers them back down to the bed. He kisses his way down her body, taking the time to learn which spots make her sigh and which make her gasp his name like a prayer.

It feels strange when he kisses the scar beneath her ribcage. The skin is still mostly numb, a tingling sensation she almost always felt, something that tickled the back of her mind in the most infuriating way. It goes away the moment he presses his lips against it, leaving behind only the muted kiss she can only partially feel. If she wasn’t so delirious with pent-up arousal, if she wasn’t seconds away from telling him to hurry up she’s sure she’d see the beauty in it. The poetry come to life that was him healing the wounds that others had left before him. 

“God, I love you,” he mutters against her skin, kissing her belly just above where her dress had gathered before he sits up, his fingers hooked into the material as he drags it down her legs and throws it over his shoulder, her underwear going with it, a scrap of green lace that matches her bra which he only sees a flash of. “Look at you.” 

She flushes, her skin pink from his attention and praise and she pulls him in by the lapels of his shirt, her lips against his as she speaks, “You’re wearing far too many clothes.” 

He all but growls, a sound she thinks must have been living in his chest for years, and he kisses her before he stands at the edge of the bed. She watches closely as he slips the buttons through holes in his shirt. She gets on her knees, shifting so she’s in front of him, the pair of them eye level as she takes over for him, her eyes fixed on his chest as the scars she’d only read about in his medical report are slowly revealed. When his shirt flutters to the ground she runs her hands over his chest, running her fingers curiously over his scars. They were more healed than hers were, the time that had passed between both of their showdowns with their monsters enough to mean his were silver, none of the pink that still remained in the thickest parts of hers anywhere to be seen. 

“I know they’re not-

“No,” she says, cutting off what she’s sure will be a self-deprecating comment, something there was no room for between them, and she looks up at him, her arms around his neck as she pulls him closer so they are chest to chest, a shiver running through her as his chest hair scrapes across her breast, “They’re beautiful,” she says, stamping a kiss against his lips, “They’re made of you.” 

He wraps his arms around her and deepens the kiss, his hands warm against her bare back, his fingers meeting at her spine as they move to her waist. He lowers her back to the bed and takes his pants and underwear off so quickly she isn’t sure how he’s done it, a gasp passing from her mouth to his as she feels him notch against her clit as he lays between her legs. He reaches between them, drawing patterns over her before he slips a finger, then two into her, chasing the noise she makes, mapping out all the spots that draw the gasps he wants to hear forever out of her. He pulls her orgasm out of her slowly, making her limbs feel lighter than air and as heavy as lead all at once. She drags him in for a kiss, her legs falling open, one hooking around his back as she pulls him impossibly closer. 

“Aaron,” she whispers, “Please.”

As he positions himself between her thighs, the blunt edge of him pressing into her, she’s grateful that they discussed the practicalities when he dropped her home from the wedding earlier. His smile shy and adorable as he asked if he needed to bring supplies. She’d told him no as she leant over the centre console of the car to kiss him, said that she was on the pill and that she trusted him. He said he trusted her too, his cheeks warm from his misplaced embarrassment when she kissed his cheek. 

Her eyes roll back as he pushes forward, the stretch of him like coming home. They lay there for a moment, cheek to cheek as they get used to the feeling. He waits her out, his gut tight as he forces himself to stay still until she moves her hips against his, her breath gasping across his skin as she wordlessly encourages him to move. He links their hands next to her head, his lips against her cheek as he mutters his love against her, a stream of words he unconsciously lets out, words he’d kept to himself for too many years. 

She feels herself getting close again, the rhythm they’ve set somehow perfect as if they’d been doing this as long as she thinks they should have. She gasps out something that is half his name, half I love you and she comes, dragging him over the edge with her. He presses a messy kiss against her lips, muffling the way he grunts out her name, not wanting his first encounter with her neighbours to be an awkward one. 

Their breathing returns to normal as they exchange slow kisses, and she pats his back, a silent request for him to move that she doesn’t have to repeat. She walks to the ensuite bathroom and makes quick work of cleaning herself up, not wanting to be away from him for longer than necessary. When she walks out, he’s standing just outside the door, a smile on his face as his hands ghost over her waist as they switch places. 

When he walks out of the bathroom she’s in bed, curled under the covers, purposely having left the side she now knows he sleeps on bare. He smiles as he sneaks under the covers with her, his arms encircling her the moment he’s close enough to pull her into his side. 

She curls up against him, chuckling breathlessly as she kisses him, her hand seeking his out, “I can’t believe we waited so long to do that.” 

He smiles and kisses her nose and then her cheek, his heart still hammering in his chest, “It’s been less than a day since we figured it all out.” 

She smiles, a hint of sadness to it that he wishes he could erase, “Not what I meant.” 

He tucks some of her hair behind her ear, “We wasted a lot of time,” he replies, smiling when she turns her head to kiss his palm, “But we made it here.” 

She hums, “Eventually,” she tangles her leg with his, wrapping herself around him as much as possible, her head tucked under his chin, “We’re both idiots.” 

He laughs. Loud and bright and beautiful, and she thinks it could easily become her favourite sound in the world. “Maybe,” he says, kissing the top of her head, his hand curling around the back of her neck to hold her against him, as if she had anywhere else she’d rather be, “But at least we’re each other’s idiots.” 

She kisses his chest, her lips catching one of his thicker scars, and she lets herself revel in the fact she could do this now. That he was hers and she was his, and she couldn’t believe it was only days ago she lay in this very bed cursing herself for telling her mother she was bringing him as a date to her cousin's wedding.

“I’m so glad you came to Tiffany’s wedding with me,” she says quietly, and she can feel his smile against the top of her head.

“Me too,” he replies, stroking a soothing pattern at the base of her skull with his thumb, “Although, we’re going to have a hell of a time explaining this to the team.” 

She groans, “Do we have to tell them?” 

He laughs again, his touch slowly dragging her into sleep, his arms firmly around her but his embrace gentle, “We’ll figure it out, sweetheart.” 

A few weeks later she’d find it strangely fitting that the team find out about them at JJ and Will’s wedding, her face hidden in Aaron’s jacket when their friends all jeer lovingly when she kisses him as they dance.

___

The next wedding they dance at together is their own. 

It’s 18 months after the fateful weekend that brought them together. With anyone else, she knows it would have all felt too fast. The ‘I love you’s’ they’d exchanged even before their first date. The fact they’d moved in with each other, into the house in Dupont Circle that no longer scared her like it once had now it was theirs, just less than a year after their first date. The proposal and the marriage she would have, not all that long ago, thought she’d never get to have. 

With anyone else, she probably would have run in the other direction. But it was him, and she never wanted to run anywhere that wasn’t towards him. 

She sighs contentedly, her cheek against his as they sway in Dave’s backyard. She doesn’t care that everyone is watching them, that she can hear Penelope’s muffled, joyful, sobs from where she’s trying to hide them in Derek’s shoulder. 

“You ok, sweetheart?” 

She nods as she pulls back just enough to look at him, her smile wide as their eyes meet, “I’m more than okay,” she says, squeezing his hand, “Today was…”

“Perfect,” he finishes for her, kissing her cheek as the song comes to an end along with their solace, the makeshift dancefloor flooding with their guests. He kisses her temple as he spots Tiffany and Andrew walking towards them, and he mutters a warning against her hair, “Incoming.” 

“Emily! Aaron.” Tiffany exclaims, pulling her into a hug, a kiss pressed against each of her cheeks before she does the same with Aaron, pulling a surprised look out of him that has Emily hiding a smile against his shoulder when she leans back into him, “What a beautiful day. And what a lovely venue,” she says looking around Dave’s home, “It’s so…quaint.” 

Emily has to stop herself from rolling her eyes since only someone from her family could consider Dave’s home anything other than grand, “Thank you,” she replies diplomatically, “We’ve had a lovely day.” 

“I just knew you’d be the next to get married when you came to our wedding,” Tiffany exclaims, looking at her husband, “Didn’t I sweetie?” She asks, turning back to Emily and Aaron before Andrew can even reply, “I said to everyone the moment I saw you together that you were going to be next.” 

They’d never told her family that their relationship hadn’t been real when they’d arrived that weekend but it was by the time they left. Emily was sure her mother had her suspicions, but she’d never said anything, content to go along with the lie that had turned into the truth because of how happy it had made her daughter. 

She feels Aaron squeeze her closer, his arm around her shoulders as he smiles at the couple opposite them, “When you know, you know,” he says, winking down at Emily, a silent conversation passing between them in which she’s begging him to get her out of this conversation, “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go get a drink with my wife.” 

Emily follows him willingly, the moniker of wife making her skin tingle as he pulls her away from the crowd into a secluded spot on the edge of the party, “You know,” she says as they come to a stop, his arms around her as he drags her closer, “Now you’re my husband you’ve committed to getting me out of conversations with my extended family for the rest of our lives.” 

He smiles and nods, kissing the tip of her nose, “It’s a price I’ll pay willingly,” he says, his lips gentle against hers, a whisper-soft touch that she barely feels, “I love you.” 

She rests her cheek against his shoulder, letting herself sink into his embrace as she watches their friends and family together, her gaze shifting from Penelope encouraging Dave to have a shot to Jack dancing with Elizabeth, and she sighs gratefully, content and happy that she’d somehow, against all odds, ended up here. 

“I love you too.” 

-x-

Tag list:

@ssa-sparks , @ptrckjcne , @lyds102 , @glockleveledatyourcrotch , @hotchnissenthusiast , @danadeservesadrink , @ssamorganhotchner , @emilyprentissisgod , @notagentprentiss , @freesiasandfics , @emilyshotchniss , @thecharmingart , @paulitalblond , @hancydrewfan , @camille093 , @whitecrossgirl , @moonlight-2-6, @rawr-jess , @florenceremingtonthethird, @jareauswife , @ms-black-a , @beebeelank , @aubreyprc , @zipzapboingg, @psychopath-at-heart , @criminalmindsgonewrong , @fionaloover , @kinqslcys , @prentissinred , @ccmattis-22 , @denvivale317 , @thrindis , @hotchsguccitie , @cmfouatslota77 , @alexblakegf , @aliensaurusrex, @prentissxhotch , @emobabeyy , @victoiregranger , @stormyweatherth , @wanderingdreamer009 , @ssablackbird , @luhwithah , @lex13cm , @prentiss-theorem, @dont-emily-me , @mrs-ssa-hotch , @joccyreation, @itsmytimetoodream , @hotchnissgroupie, @controversialpooh, @capsshinyshield , @canuck-eh, @yoitsyourbuddy

Join my tag list here!

[lola-bunn1]

The moon and the sun.

Chapter Eight: Finale

a/n: this is probably the longest chapter i’ve ever written, hope it doesn’t suck, enjoy! i really hope you liked the series, and i’m so sad it’s gone to an end now! but if you have any ideas or head cannons you’d like me to write for the reader and neteyam (in this story) i’d love to!!

"I knew it!"

You and Neteyam turned to see Ao'nung standing there, an angry look on his face.

shit. shit. shit.

Your eyes widened, getting away from Neteyam, "Ao'nung-"

He just shook his head, running off to tell your parents.

"Shit!" You yelled

"Hey, hey, calm down" Neteyam said, getting up as well

You started hyperventilating, pushing him off you

"Y/n listen to me!" He said, pushing your arms away and grabbing you by the shoulders, "Panicking will get you nowhere, alright? Take a deep breath, we'll go together."

"We can't go together!" You said, pushing him away and running back to your marui pod

"Y/n!" He called, following you

Once you got to the pod, you saw your parents standing there, your father with a disappointed look on his face, and your mother just looking down

"Dad-"

"Do not speak!" He snapped, "I'm sick of this! Every day it's something new with you, isn't it!"

Suddenly, Jake and Neytiri showed up, Neteyam a few seconds after

"I've given you a chance, y/n. Many, many chances. But you always mess up! You can't do one thing right! You speak when it's not your place to speak, you fix when it's not your place to fix, and when you do all of those things, you can't even get them right! You just make them worse, as always." Your father said as you stood there, trying your best not to embarrass yourself even more

But you couldn't take it anymore. All those years, all those hurtful things everyone said to you just spilled out of the bottle you've been trying to keep closed your whole life.

"Why can't you do one simple thing right, hm?"

"Everything needs to be perfect, you've done enough."

"You know what your problem is, y/n? You always try to fix something but you just end up making it worse. Because that's just who you are. You can't even fix yourself."

"Why can't you just be like Tsireya and not have to be so hard to deal with, huh?"

You dropped to the ground, your tears slipping out of your eyes uncontrollably as you sobbed, Neteyam was about to go to you until his dad pulled him back, he pushed him off and ran to you

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry" You kept repeating as you cried

"Do not apologize, y/n! How could you say something like that!" Neteyam yelled

"Neteyam!" Neytiri tried to shut him up

"No! I've seen you all treat her like utter shit and I had to watch as she took it in silence! She doesn't deserve any of this! She is the sweetest person I've ever met, you all act like she has to be perfect! She hasn't done anything wrong! But every single person in this family comments and judges everything she does! You have no idea what your children tell her. You think they're so great and perfect, how about you teach them how to treat their sister with respect!"

"Enough!" Jake said, grabbing Neteyam's arm and pulling him out of the marui with Neytiri behind them

You sat there on the ground, in silence, your tears sliding down your cheeks

"Y/n" Your mother said, you kept looking down, not a single sound coming out of you. "Y/n" Your mother got down to the floor, she lifted your head up, her tears flowing as she wiped yours, "My sweet child, my baby. I'm so sorry, my baby" She cried as she hugged you, you didn't speak, didn't react, didn't do anything.

Your father looked at you, and just walked away. Your siblings were nowhere to be seen. It was just you and your mother, who held you as she cried mumbling apologies

Soon, she had calmed down, just stroking your hair as you laid your head on her lap. Ao'nung, who left after telling your dad what happened, walked back inside, seeing the sight. Your inexpressive face, looking into nothing.

He just looked away and walked out, you didn't even look at him, you didn't care anymore.

"Do you really like him?" Your mother said, breaking the silence

You just nodded, and your mother chuckled, "Why don't you go visit him?"

You looked up at her, "Go" she said, you lightly smiled at her before getting up and leaving

☽-☼

"Dad-"

"I get it, Neteyam, you like her, but it's just a crush, it'll go away. It wasn't worth the drama-"

"No, dad" Neteyam stood up, "She's not just a crush, I love her. And you don't know how her family treats her. She needed someone to stand up for her"

Jake sighed, looking at Neytiri and back to Neteyam, "I know. I know-I'm not saying you didn't do the right thing. I would've done the same, but he is Olo'eyktan, so even if it was right for you to stand up for her, it's still disrespectful that you stood in his home and insulted him like that."

Neteyam just stood there in silence, "Hey, you did the right thing, kid. You got that?" Jake said, and Neteyam nodded, "Alright, now go sleep. Tomorrow we go apologize, and who knows, maybe he'll let you have that girl after her ikinimaya."

Neteyam's ears perked up and his eyes widened, Jake chuckled at his reaction, "I can tell you love her, so you gotta get on his good side, alright?"

Neteyam smiled, nodding repeatedly before he went to his room, Neytiri and Jake went to their room

Even though Neteyam was happy his dad was gonna help him have you, he still couldn't help but think of how your parents must have reacted after they left. He couldn't help but feel like he made things worse now.

His smile faded, and the feeling of immense guilt took over. He was worried for you.

"Neteyam" He heard someone whisper, he turned around to see you standing there

He quickly rushed to you, hugging you tight, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry" He said as he dug his head into the crook of your neck, trying to get as close as possible, "I shouldn't have said anything, please forgive me, I'm sorry-"

"Ma Nete" You said in a low voice as you stroked his hair, "It's okay, thank you for standing up for me"

He looked at you, "Did they do anything?" He said

"Come, I'll tell you what happened..." You said, holding his hand and slowly trying to sneak out of the marui pod.

You two sat by the shore as you told him what happened

"So you're okay with your mother?" He asked

You nodded, he looked at you, seeing your numb face, "Are you sure you're okay?" He gently held your hand, concern written all over his face

You nodded again, you weren't mad at him, you made that clear. So he knew it wasn't him, and he saw everything that just happened, it clearly had affected you deeply.

Everything that had been bottled up for years and years just spilled out, so it wasn't easy to just act like nothing happened.

"I'm gonna go now" You said, he nodded, just as you were about to leave, he pulled you back, kissing you and wrapping his arms around your waist to pull you closer, he then watched as you looked at him in silence, "You know I love you, right?"

You nodded, he cradled your face, kissing you once again before letting go, and watching as you lightly smiled at him and walked away

Once you got home, you could see your father sitting there with your siblings, you looked at him for a moment, before going to your room, closing the curtain

You got on your hammock and just curled in on yourself, slowly beginning to doze off as some tears slipped from your eyes, you quickly wiped them away and just closed your eyes

The next day, you woke up and walked out to see your family having breakfast, you sat with them in silence, your mother looked at you with a smile, you just looked at the ground

you silently ate your breakfast, the others were talking, completely unaware of what happened before, while you just stared

your parents shared a look and ronal nodded, she got up

“come kids, i need your help with something outside” she said as she began leaving, they all got up and began following her

Just as you were about to get up, your father called you, you just stood there, your back turned to him

He got up and walked towards you, he turned to face you, and just looked at you

“You…you are good. You are a good daughter, my daughter” He said, Tonowari was never good at comfort. But to you, this was everything.

You just stayed quiet, trying to process the fact that he actually said that

“Jake Sully?” Tonowari spoke, you looked to see him standing there, Neteyam with him

They both motioned their hands as in to say they see him, “We just wanted to talk.” Jake said

Tonowari nodded, he sat down along with them while you just looked at Neteyam for a second and headed back into your room

“We just wanted to apologize for last night. My son did not mean any disrespect—“

Your father nodded, causing him to go quiet. He looked at Neteyam, “I like you, kid. You stood up for my daughter and showed me that you truly care about her. I forgive you, and I will allow you to have her, if you still want to, of course.”

Neteyam’s eyes widened, and a wide smile appeared across his face, “Yes, yes—I would—thank you so much, sir” He said, trying to be calm

“Y/n” Your father called, you walked out of your room, seeing the happiness on Neteyam’s face, Tonowari turned back to him, “I trust that you will protect my daughter from any harm, and will be a good mate to her.” He said, making you widen your eyes

“Don’t worry, sir. She will be safe with me, I will take care of her.” Neteyam said, still looking at you

Jake chuckled at how happy Neteyam looked

“Her iknimaya is soon, after it is complete, you can be with each other”

You looked at your dad, and went to hug him, he was surprised at first, but hugged you back soon after

“Thank you, father” You said with a smile on your face as you let go

He nodded at you, “Now go, go hang out together. No touching, though, okay?” He warned Neteyam who was quick to nod

He got up and walked outside with you as your fathers started some other conversation

Once you two were alone, you smiled at each other, he pulled you in for a quick kiss

“I’m sorry—I couldn’t help myself” He said

“Somebody could have seen us!” You told him, before smiling and looking around, and giving him another kiss

“Look who’s breaking the rules now, hm?” He joked, making you smack his arm

You loved Neteyam, you saw nobody but him. You got closer with your mother, even though you made up with your father, it was still a little awkward. You still didn’t speak with Ao’nung, but he started being nicer, and it was clear he was going to apologize some time in the future, but for now, this was his best.

But you didn’t care, you had Neteyam now, he made you feel safe and loved, he cared for you, he protected you, he loved you.

☽-☼

The moon.

You’ve always been fond of the moon.

You used to hate the sun, it was the one that outshined the moon.

But now you realize how everyone seems to think the sun and moon are against each other

You were one of those people

The sun was always there, hiding behind the moon just as the moon hid behind the sun as well

But no matter what, the two were always there, with each other.

You now knew how the sun was never the better one, it shared the sky with the moon, they never leave each others side.

You knew this because, you were the moon, and he was the sun.

taglist: @itscheybaby @aespie @kimtaehussy @iheartamajiki @adoreeevie @junnniiieee07 @deathmetalangel @ambria @kittypoopies

[chartreuseian]

Fanfic Tag Game!

Tagged by the one and only @sarcasticsciencefictionwriter ❤️

1. How many fics do you have on AO3?

Only 22!!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

492,234. Which is a lot of words per fic, yes.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Sanctuary. Though I used to write for others

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Mr & Mrs - 110

Love Don't Die - 46

With Interest - 30 (but I feel this is misleading in that it's been up the longest)

Sturdy (29)

And it's a tie for fifth! Both What Should Have Happened After The Clean Up and When Will Failed the Perception Test have 18.

It is hilarious to me that only one of these is G rated. On is M rated, but otherwise it's explicit all the way 😲

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes! I try to! The only time I don't is if I've already been chatting to the person about the thing. But otherwise yes. Come be my friend via the comments!!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I had one called 'Release' that was all about Helen dying and choosing to go which was pretty angsty. 'She Had Him at Hello' is also gonna have a more angsty ending because canon is angsty when it comes to Helen and Nikola...

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Hehe. Most of them? I generally prefer happy endings because life is dark and depressing enough all on its own... I mean I did a whole series where the central premise was giving Helen and Nikola the happy ending the writers weren't willing to offer...

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Honestly, not since joining the Sanctuary fandom. The only really awful, vitrolic hate I recieved was in a different fandom (nothing quite like a gang of middle aged women telling you that you're awful to start off your writing journey!!)

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Lol. Yes. Most kinds. I'm new to the kinkier stuff, but provided it is consensual, I'm game.

Most of my stuff is romantic-y though. I like to write the tender stuff, with the occasional rough and tumble threaded throughout.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Haven't done one yet! Though I'm not adverse to it - my brain just doesn't work that way.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I... I don't think so. Is that a thing people do?! Yikes...

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I don't think so.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

Nope. Again though, not adverse to the idea!

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

Helen/Nikola. Hands down. Their dynamic is *chefs kiss*

16. What are your writing strengths?

Description, probably. And build up maybe? I'm pretty good at stretching out the anticipation...

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Fight sequences. I know in theory they're no different to sex scenes, but a lot of the smut I write is about the feeling rather than the action.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in a fic?

I used to do a fair bit of it, but I've found ways around it now so that I don't have to struggle with grammar I'm absolutely going to get wrong. The only exceptions for me are when I want to use a single word (like when Helen meets one of Nikola's sisters and she says 'sestra') where translation is clear, or when a character is trying to hide something from another. But even then I'll normally not use more than a word or two.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Private Practice.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Well, my current favourite is 'Stupid' because it really was my first go at writing some proper kinky stuff and I'm pretty pleased with how chapter 2 turned out, even if I'm still a bit nervous about posting it because it's more intense than anything I've written before.

Tagging @tinknevertalks @theleotorrio @writerxwren (and anyone else who wants to play along!!)

[can-of-pringles]

Talk Shop Tuesday: How do you decide on the length of your stories? How do you know whether something will be a oneshot or a multi-chapter piece - or when you do a oneshot series rather than multiple chapters of the same fic? Do you have a method for outlining your longfics or choosing which scenes will go in each chapter?

What's the shortest piece you've ever written - do you like the length of it? How about the longest piece you've ever written - same question? How much do you think about word count as you write?

(I know that's a lot of questions, feel free to skip over whatever you don't want to answer, I just wanted to give you something to focus on for a bit)

Thank you so much for sending this bestie I really appreciate it

Talk Shop Tuesday

I usually try to aim for at least 1k words. If more, then that's great obviously. I've learned not to pressure myself into writing a strict certain amount and just try to let my writing flow naturally.

I typically prefer one-shots over multiple chapters, but if I'm coming up with a more obvious overarching plot/clear cut story, then I stick to multiple chapters. Another thing is if I'm rewriting an existing media then those tend to be chaptered.

This is not to say that majority of my one-shots don't have a clear story or anything, they are more like loosely connected chapters so to speak, or maybe peeks into a big story is more correct to say. I feel less constricted when working with one-shots if I change my mind on something related to the plot. If there's an outdated one-shot it's not as big as a deal since I can either delete it or rewrite it. Whereas with a multi chapter, it feels harder to go back and change things.

I don't really tend to outline my work, though lately I've been big into spreadsheets and making timelines. Most of my stuff is now categorized by months and years, and I can decide what happens in a certain month which gets turned into a chapter or new one-shot/fic.

I feel like word count was answered above. I try not to think too much about word count as I write because I don't want it to discourage me. Sometimes I do check rarely if I've been working on a single fic for a while and it feels like it's getting long

Looks like the shortest thing I've written was Low which is 192 words. I wrote it when I was having a low (shocker /j) and was coping by writing about Peter dealing with low bloodsugar and Marigold helping him feel better I think. I think it's fine, it's certainly not my best but it only really exists as a coping fic, ( ironic when the actual fic is fairly fluffy from what I remember?)

And the longest I've written so far is When I'm Alone with You which is currently at 31,476 words. I'm honestly pretty happy and proud of myself that it's gotten that far, with still a lot more planned!

[jimothystu]

Talk Hockey To Me

Tagged by @david-reinbacher - thank you Alek!!

1. The thing that got you hooked on hockey

So I was kind of assimilated into the hockey world through Blue Jays moots (ty <3), and it was a slow progression for me to 1) start watching 2) pick teams I liked and 3) regularly watch. BUT what really made me be like holy fuck was the final game for the Habs in the 2021/2022 season where they had 10 goals and Cole got his first hattie and people chanted Guy's name. That was insane and just gave me chills the entire time.

2. Your first ever fandom friend

Like I said, I was assimilated through Blue Jays moots, so all of them!! But probably specifically @donttelltheelff <3

3. The jersey you would most like to own

I'd love any jersey tbh. They're so expensive and I have none - so any for my favourite players would be great.

4. YOUR player (you only get ONE so choose wisely)

Jimmy Stu. James. Timmy. The wettest rag in the league. My beloved floppy piece of bread.

5. A pairing that deserves more fic

There are a lot in my humble opinion. Juraj Slafkovsky/Arber Xhekaj, Cole Caufield/Nick Suzuki, Thomas Chabot/Josh Norris (though Jeh and I have been going a lil crazy with them lately...), Quinn Hughes/Josh Norris.

6. Your favourite on-ice moment

When G got his 1000th career point and the entire Sens bench went onto the ice to hug him mid game!!!!!! Vibes per 60 were through the roof!

THEN

link someone else's art/fic/etc that you love & think everyone should check out

Anything @canadian-as-puck writes for Chabs and Josh! These fics keep me sane.

AND

link something you made & are proud of & want people to see

Honestly 99% of the fics I've written the last sixish months have been ones I'm really proud of and loved writing and rereading. But here are my top 5:

Intoxicated: Tim Stutzle/Brady Tkachuk; silly fic where Timmy's high and drunk and can only speak German

Don't break the dam or you might drown in the current: Tim Stutzle/Brady Tkachuk; my longest single chapter fic in which the weight of being the Sens captain finally gets to Brady

You don't go to parties anymore: Thomas Chabot/Josh Norris; Josh stops going to Thomas's house parties and Thomas is desperate to know why

Desperate times call for desperate measures: Tim Stutzle/Brady Tkachuk; Brady's an idiot and has to win Timmy back after not realizing they were dating

Do's and Don't's: Tim Stutzle/Brady Tkachuk and Thomas Chabot/Josh Norris; G is sick of their pda

Tagging @donttelltheelff @canadian-as-puck @gordiemeow @graves-makar @may-the-puck-be-with-you @kylesdubas @lam-ila - no pressure + sorry if you don't wanna do it!!

[naranjapetrificada]

Fanfic Friday!

I still don't completely understand it, so this week I'm just gonna reflect on things that happened while writing this arranged marriage longfic, some of which I posted about on here and some of which I didn't.

I gave up on the Soup Paragraphs that were haunting me and realized I can introduce them later if I must.

I got in some "let go and let god" practice when I realized I don't have to get every little throwaway detail right, especially when it slows down my progress/makes writing miserable.

My therapist wants me to see about applying this Free Yourself skill in my non-writing life, to which I say I know you are but what am I

Characters put themselves in situations without my input and it was great!

Ceremonies are hard to write but at least I now know what Ed and Stede would be like if they were kids in a school play.

I started watching Rome again after thinking about it last week in the wake of the cancelation (I've had it on DVD for years). Still problematic in the way something made in 2005 will be, but otherwise it holds up incredibly well.

I've also stopped caring as much about all the people using the world's problems as a bludgeon against OFMD fans and the campaign to to save the show. For all the reasons other people have already articulated well but also, on a personal note, because of what this show has done for my relationship with writing.

I won't get into too much detail but suffice it to say I have a lot of baggage around writing, because of all the "gifted" nonsense of my childhood and my MFA experience as an adult. I don't blame anyone per se, but unhelpful social frameworks were unhelpful. Let's just say that when Pop-Pop said "if you were ever good at anything go do that" to Ed, it didn't not remind me of feeling obligated to do something that used to be rewarding but isn't anymore because it's what you're "supposed" to do. Anyway.

I wrote three short (<2000 word) fics between seasons 1&2, the first fic I've felt like writing in over a decade. It was liberating as hell to write again in a low-stakes environment, and with blorbo motivation to power me through the difficult parts. I never, ever thought I would write anything longer than 2000 words, but for the past (several?) weeks now I've been alternating between two drafts in tropes I can't get enough of, the shortest of which is around 10,000 (admittedly unedited) words.

The other is longer, and every time I work on it I keep having to break shit up so the chapters stay under 5000 words. This is unprecedented for me, and I've wanted to share it so much that I'm running out of shit to post on WIP Wednesday that won't reveal the plot or require too much context. I've never been in a fandom as creative (and creatively inspiring) as this one, nor have I every written so much in a single fandom before.

My relationship with writing wouldn't be healing like this at all if it weren't for this show and this fandom, and in particular I want to highlight the freedom in embracing the "David Jenkins School of Historical Inaccuracy." In fact, I've been keeping a running list of AO3 tags for the fic I've made the most progress on, and there are several "David Jenkins School of ________" tags, including Archaeology, Theology, and Comparative Politics. Thanks to seeing DJ's philosophy at work it's now possible for me to move on from certain details when I get stuck because they're "inaccurate" for the setting or whatever in a way I never could before. Now I feel empowered to move on from tricky details by asking myself:

Is it funny?

Is it related to the plot?

Is it character-building?

And if the answer to all of those is no, then so is the answer to question 4: "does it matter?"

Assuming I finish these longfics they'll be the longest creative pieces I've ever written and beyond the longest works of fiction I ever thought I would write, and for that I'm eternally grateful. Even if the world we live in is a crumbling disaster. Especially if the world we live in is a crumbling disaster.

[thesandsofelsweyr]

HOLLOWED OUT

《 READ ON AO3 // TAG 》

When Jason saw that photo of Batman and his new Robin, the thin cord of hope holding him together had snapped and he had broken into a million pieces. No one was coming for him. Not one single person on the planet cared whether he lived or died, or how much he suffered, or how loud he screamed. No one except the Clown. He was Joker’s now, and he would say or do anything to get a reprieve from the torment and the pain, even if it meant letting himself be reduced to something less than human.

《RATING》 🔞 Mature 《WORDS》 15,609 《CHAPTERS》 6/6

《CHARACTERS》 Jason Todd/Robin, Joker, Original Male Character(s), Bruce Wayne (mentioned), Dick Grayson (mentioned), Alfred Pennyworth (mentioned), Catherine Todd (mentioned), Willis Todd (mentioned)

《TROPES》 Hurt No Comfort, Angst, Whump, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat

《WARNINGS》 Dehumanization, Bathing/Washing, Master/Pet, Collars, Ownership, Brainwashing, Humiliation, Non-Consensual Touching, Torture, Mindfuck, Scars, Suicidal Thoughts, Self-Loathing, Past Child Abuse, Daddy Issues, Forced Nudity, Swearing

《SERIES》 Part 4 of My Arkhamverse, Part 4 of Ruined

《NOTES》

This fic is my pride & joy! It was the first thing I published after a 5+ year hiatus, and the longest story I've ever written by far!

This fic is also dark so be aware of the tags (especially the DD:DNE tag)

My Arkhamverse canon is a mix of game canon and Arkham Knight: Genesis canon. I pick and choose what I like best 😉

If you enjoy the read please consider kudosing, commenting, and reblogging ❤️

《 READ ON AO3 》 (excerpt below the cut)

Jason let his heavy head sag between his shoulders as he was dragged down the long hallway. He clenched his teeth to keep from crying out. The strain on his upper body reignited dull pain in his shoulders, pain that still lingered from the last time he was strung up like a slab of raw meat. The usual two orderlies, who Joker called “Left” and “Right” to amuse himself and confuse the hell out of everyone else, each grasped a bone-thin arm, showing no more concern for him than they would have for a sack of dirt. He didn’t have the strength to fight the men even if he wanted to, which he did not. Fighting was a punishable offense—he’d learned that long ago—and he would do anything to avoid a punishment. Yeah, the Clown still abused him whenever he felt like it, but punishment was a different experience entirely, the kind that lasted for hours and left him wishing for death. Just the thought of the word alone made him want to curl up and die.

We passed the torture chamber already, he reassured himself, trying not to let the fear take over and start pleading for mercy like the coward he was. They’re taking me somewhere else, someplace new. 

For Jason it was a torture chamber, but really it was another abandoned office in this buried wing of Arkham Asylum where Joker kept all the toys he used to make him squeal. He was almost always punished in that room: tied to a chair, dangling from a meat hook, or, especially when guests paid him a visit, left free to crawl into a corner and contemplate how helpless he was even without any restraints. 

He only punishes me when I’m bad…

He wracked his weary mind for anything he might have done to piss the Clown off lately. Not that the Clown needed to be pissed off to make him regret ever putting on that red suit. Whacking him with a crowbar was probably part of the psycho’s self-care routine. But a punishable offense? He couldn’t think of anything. Joker was usually fair when it came to punishing him. He only hurts me like that when I deserve it, and he had been on his very best behavior. At least he hoped he had. He was so exhausted it was hard to keep track of what he had or hadn’t done.

It seemed as if a lot of time had passed since his last punishment, but he had no real concept of time in this pit. Well, not since the first six months of his imprisonment, back when he thought someone might actually give a damn that he was missing. He’d tried to keep track of the days then, but after Joker showed him that photo he decided there was no point anymore.

In those early days—back when he was nothing but bad—he would fight back. He broke the wrist of one of the guest torturers, bit a guard’s ear off, even knocked a tooth out of the Clown’s stupid grin. He also tried to escape at least once a month. The guards or orderlies or the Clown himself (armed with that goddamned crowbar) would drag him back and beat him within an inch of his life. But as soon as he could stand up again he was running—or limping more likely—toward that salvation that was a concrete staircase leading up to a makeshift trap door leading out to freedom. Even then Joker made sure his ankle stayed broken, but he had way more tolerance for pain when he thought Batman was coming to beat the shit out of the Clown and his goons and take him home. Hope will do that to you.

He was a good boy now though, as docile as a whipped dog—relentless suffering for nearly a year of his life made certain of that. Joker taught him that it was easier to just submit, to obey; that life was better as a broken boy than it was as a bad boy. He no longer wished to escape. Where would he go? He had no home, no one waiting for him. At least here in this dungeon someone actually cared about him, in his sick, twisted, fucked-up sort of way. And then there was the warning of what would happen to him if he ever tried to run again. Oh God… Fear coiled like a snake around his chest, squeezing tighter and tighter as he struggled to push the memory of that terrible threat away, to push back the panic that crept in. I learned my lesson, he reminded himself as he fought for a breath. That will only happen to me if I disobey…

His mind was mercifully wrenched back to the present when the orderlies suddenly turned, pulling his limp body into an unfamiliar room and dropping him to the cold tile floor. His heart started to slow as the pain in his shoulders receded and he took in his new surroundings. The small, musty room looked like it might have been a break room or a kitchen. There was a sink, a fridge, a microwave, an empty water cooler, some cabinets—all blanketed in a thin layer of dust. In the center of the room sat a square table with four metal chairs, and beside it stood the Clown. His heart sank. Joker was grinning at him as ever, his feverish green eyes glittering with excitement for whatever sadistic cruelties he was about to dish out. The sight of the man made him want to puke.

But he couldn’t puke right now, not when Joker expected him in position. With a soft groan he slowly pushed himself up onto his hands and knees, ignoring the protests from cracked bones and torn muscles. His bruised knees ached from crawling on the hard floor for the past weeks (months? years??). Since he’d been stripped of his armor Joker only allowed him to crawl; never walk, never stand. He kept his head bowed low while he waited for a command to obey. 

The uneasy silence was soon filled by the sound of a metal chair scraping against the tile as it was pulled from beneath the table. He shivered as all-too-familiar dread and despair settled over him. It was about to start again.

“Come. Sit,” Joker said in a lilting voice that suggested this was a friendly request, but Jason knew better.

Without hesitation he crawled over to where Joker was standing with his hands resting on the chair back. He gripped the chair and used it as leverage to pull his trembling, broken body off the floor. Gingerly, he slid into the chair, and winced as his ass and thighs—still bruised from the wooden paddle—came in contact with the hard plastic seat. My body still hasn’t recovered from my last punishment, he thought miserably. It was hard for him to believe that this same body was running around Gotham, brawling with its colorful lineup of thugs only months ago. Now he could barely stand on his own, much less run. Even the slightest of movements awakened some awful pain from a previous beating. He was only 16 yet he felt like he was 60.

16… He was only weeks away from getting his license when he fell into this shithole. Two more years and he would’ve had his high school diploma, maybe even sooner. I wanted to go to college. I was gonna try for an Ivy. A ‘fuck you’ to Willis for giving him hell for opening a book more than once in his life. I’ll never read another book. That realization was a particularly brutal gut-punch. Books were always his escape, from his shitty home life when his sperm donor was still breathing, or when he was feeling like he, a corner boy from Crime Alley, had no business living in a billionaire’s mansion. He remembered when he first arrived at that billionaire’s mansion how excited he was when he saw the floor-to-ceiling bookshelves Alfred built for him in his new bedroom, and the hundreds of books that Bruce had already filled them with. He also remembered the pack of Marlboros he had stashed behind his (Bruce’s) first edition copy of Pride and Prejudice. This hell would be more bearable with a paperback and a cigarette. He would never experience either of those things again though. He would never see his bedroom again… or Alfred… or Bruce. He bit back tears. Willis was probably laughing his ass off in hell right now. He always said I was a loser, that I’d never amount to anything. Looks like the fuckhead was right in the end.

Read the rest on AO3→

[icedteaandoldlace]

20 questions for fic writers - tagged by the fantastic @frosty-the-killer-doll ☃️🔪🪆

How many works do you have on ao3?

13.

What's your total ao3 word count?

72,472

What fandoms do you write for?

The Flash, Glee, and Gossip Girl.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Flying Free (or Free Kurt - Emma Pillsbury Style) ((Glee obvs))

Heartless (Glee)

Smoke and Mirrors (Glee)

Maybe Our Real Soulmates Were The... (Flash/Arrow)

As Frightened As You (Glee)

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

It depends. Direct compliments, yes, I'll reply to say thank you. I'll also answer questions, or drop little bits of behind-the-scenes info if there's something fun attached to a detail that a reader pointed out. If the comment is simply "wow!!" or "oof" or something else that doesn't really call for a response and that I don't have anything to add to, I'll just leave it as it is.

What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Toss up between two:

Heartless ends with Kurt getting hit with another wave of grief after having Finn's letterman returned to him, and while he's hugging it and sobbing, for a second it feels like Finn's hugging him back.

The Longest Distance Between Two Points Is Arm's Length ends with Cisco accidentally vibing a moment from earlier in the fic, and misunderstanding what's happening in it. If he'd had context, he would've realized he was seeing proof that his mom loves him, but instead he takes it as a painful reminder that he'll never be enough for her because he's not Dante.

What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Probably Alive Again. Just two dorks playing in the rain, on the brink of falling in love.

Do you get hate on fics?

None so far.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Absolutely not.

Do you write crossovers?

Not usually, but I have a few. Maybe Our Real Soulmates Were The... is considered a crossover fic by AO3 and FFN's standards, but not by mine. My most ambitious crossover (and the one I'm most invested in) is Preppy In Pink, which is gonna be so much fun when it's ready for posting.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I certainly hope not. Doesn't look too likely, though.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Pretty sure I haven't had that happen, either. It'd be cool though.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Smoke and Mirrors started as a few lines of dialogue that @kurtbastian-land had sitting in her notes app that she didn't have a full story developed for, and posted on Tumblr for anyone who wanted to expand on it. I wrote a very dramatic continuation (the majority of chapter 1), and then @jwmelmoth gave it a happy ending (chapter 2). But then she realized we left a couple loose ends untied, so the two of us collaborated on how it should end, and wrote a few more chapters together.

What’s your all-time favorite ship to write for?

I honestly don't know. I think I have the most WIPs for Kamisco at the moment, but Barrisco and Kurtbastian are both incredibly fun as well.

What’s a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I started a crossover AU ages ago where Kurt Hummel ends up with Eric van der Woodsen. I don't think I'll ever finish it, but I like to reread the snippets I've already written every now and then.

What are your writing strengths?

Viscerally describing emotions, setting a scene, nailing characters' voices.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Titles, titles, titles, and titles. Oh, and also titles. They HARD!! Also, I'm very bad at following my own advice to write badly and edit later. I want everything to sound pretty immediately! This is how I get stuck on the same paragraph for weeks with a whole big chunk of the fic still unwritten.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Not something I'm going to attempt a whole lot of in the near future. I have already slipped a little bit of Spanish (+1 word of French) into a couple fics, but only like a single word/phrase at a time, spoken by bilingual characters in mostly English sentences. There are also a few spots where a character says more in Spanish, but I don't write the actual dialogue, I just imply a general idea of what they're saying. I'd love to include more, but I'm not about to make a fool of myself with Google Translate—I'm sticking to very minimal Spanish until I can speak it better.

First fandom you wrote for?

First fandom I finished a fic for was Gossip Girl. As for first one I started writing a fic for, it was either Gossip Girl (not the same fic) or Boy Meets World (a still unfinished Shawngela fix-it).

Favorite fic you’ve written?

I mean, A Little Help From Your Friends is pretty hard to beat. It's got everything—humor, angst, fluff, ambiguity, movie references, ROOMMATES!! And funnily enough, I gave it a title with a little help from my friend, @daftydraw (and by "a little" I mean she suggested the whole title and I ran with it).

And tagging: @starstruckpurpledragon @fictionandmusic @orangesunsets12 @thequeenofshebasays @queer-cheer @elledelajoie

[solarsavoy]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love ❤

That's so hard, I've so many! But I think I've figured it out, my top 5.

Assassin Skills Required

By far my favorite fic I've written, even now. It was based off a dream and includes characters from Krystar while focusing on the AC characters. I didn't know where I was going with it until I was halfway done, so it was written and posted live, consistently. It went from Saturdays only to Saturdays and Wednesdays and somehow I kept up the whole time thru 3 works of it. As a debut for fanfiction, it's simply the best, and I haven't been able to recreate my experience with it since. Writing live was just so... I can't believe I did it. Not once did I miss an update and it wasn't even prewritten. In fact, I outpaced my posting schedule, even after starting to post a second day each week. I'd never been so inspired than when writing ASR. Picking the top 5 is hard, but picking number 1 is easy. Link to ASR teaser.

Kristmas Karma

This one wasn't quite written live, but it wasn't written that far ahead either, and it includes a ridiculous amount of art all drawn the week before it was posted. I can't believe it was more or less posted on time. It was also partially an experiment. While ASR included all the AC characters, I still didn't know them that well individually outside of Karmagisa. Kristmas Karma changed that. I was able to write and understand nearly every single student's POV convincingly, and still reference the fic to this day when trying to feel them out. It still makes me cry and Christmas Day, despite being the single most longest chapter I've ever written, so long it was split into 2 chapters (23k words btw), still flies right by every time I reread it. Link to KK prelude.

Magic Shuu

Speaking of getting to learn about the other characters in AC, this one focuses on Shuu and the five virtuosos. What I love most about this one is how fluidly I've crossed these boys into the Sailor Moon universe. I love how I turn this very minor character and his even more invisible friends into the main stars and make them relatable. In fact, my friend who has a similarly overbearing father relates to Shuu deeply. This story just has so much heart in it. Currently unfinished, but I'll finish it someday, even if it takes me years. Link to first chapter.

Ubisoft

A Karushuu one-shot. It's playful and fun and both of them are such loveable dorks in this. XD I've reread it so many times I've lost count. My favorite part for Karma is when he stumbles out the door in the morning, tripping and nearly breaking his phone on the way. My favorite part for Shuu is how awkward his attempt to be a better kisser is. I love them so much in this. Link to Ubisoft.

Cuddles and Kisses

A Karmagisa one-shot that I'd planned to write for the longest time. It was based on an idea that someone else had, but it's surprisingly sweet and wholesome despite it being about Karma summoning an incubus. XD My favorite part for Nagisa is when he attempts to "seduce" Karma. My favorite part for Karma is when he rushes home because he's worried about Nagisa disappearing, frantically searching the house until he calls out Nagisa's name, and then hugging him in relief when he appears before him. It's just so sweet for a one-shot, and I'm strongly considering writing more for this AU. Link to Cuddles and Kisses.

Honorable mention:

Gerit

An original story set in the Krystar universe but separate from the main story. It's actually my favorite of anything on AO3, but it's technically not a fanfiction. It centers around a neurodivergent named Gerit who was abused in many ways as a child while training to be an assassin. I wrote this in the midst of writing ASR as Gerit was in the story and I hadn't fleshed him out as a Krystar character yet. It's finished, but not all posted on AO3 as I've decided the tiny Krystar spoilers at the end aren't something I should spoil until at least after book 1 or 2 of the Fragment series is out. Still, feel free to check it out. Not for the faint of heart, rated MA. Link to Gerit.

Thank you Anon, for sending me this ask. I hope my favorite reads can get some views from this. 💙

[sparkle-fiend]

✨ 2022 ao3 wrapped ✨

tagged by @theamazingbard (thank you so much!!!)

(I'm squeaking in under the wire on this one, which is very on-brand for me lol.)

Works Published: 7

Word Count: 68,488

Hits: 19,388

Bookmarks: 1,307

Most popular by kudos: A thin line between love and hate - this is my first completed fanfic (not just art or a comic), so I am thrilled that it's done as well as it has!

Most hits: Red Touches Black - my Daemon AU! (this one is chaptered, and was my longest story; so that makes sense)

Longest: Red Touches Black at 39,324 words. I think this is the story I'm most proud of. I never imagined I could complete something this long!

Shortest: A Kiss in the Snow at 1,882 words. (or possibly a miscellaneous Tumblr drabble - there may be some floating around that I never put on ao3).

Most comments: Probably Red Touches Black - I had some of the most amazing commenters cheering me on as I posted this story (I think they were the reason it actually got finished, lol).

Fic that made me cry: Maybe A Bargain Made in Winter? (I think I teared up a little when writing the end - which might be my favorite ending I've ever written)

Fic that made me smile: All of them! Every single one made me super happy at some point in writing (or else they would have been abandoned lol)

Gifts: I haven't attempted to gift anything yet on ao3? (Although I've written a few things for/inspired by people on Tumblr)

Events: A Kiss in the Snow for the winter fic challenge hosted by @thefreakandthehair (sorry to keep tagging you on this stuff, but I keep talking about your awesome event!)

tagging: I think I'm way behind on this one, I'm not sure who's done it and who hasn't? So I'm going to say - anyone wanting to participate, please go for it!

Now I will take some more cold medicine and collapse to sleep until next year!!!

[revolutionsoftheheart]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Thank you for tagging me @majolination! 💜

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

24

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

166,478

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently: Star Trek, Ted Lasso, Doctor Who, although I'm mainly posting Ted Lasso at the moment (and my Doctor Who fic has never seen the light of day!). I find it hard to go back and forth between different fandoms.

Over the course of my fandom life: Stargate SG1 and Sanctuary (which are still only on FFN at the moment), Once Upon a Time, Madam Secretary (only Tumblr ficlets).

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

five (Star Trek: The Next Generation, Star Trek: Picard)

plausible deniability (Once Upon a Time)

in the silence (Ted Lasso)

somewhere along the way, i should forget (Once Upon a Time) 

Hide (Once Upon a Time) 

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do! I've gone back and forth on it during my fandom life because a few years ago, I read some post that was like 'you shouldn't reply to comments because you're just inflating the numbers' and that turned me off for a while, but I like answering comments. I like talking to people and discussing fic! So I do respond. As much as I can anyway. Sometimes, life gets busy.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Probably Surrender (Once Upon a Time), although it's really just tragic. Calling it angst almost seems to soft.

Maybe five (Star Trek: The Next Generation, Star Trek: Picard)? It's a fic about a couple breaking up over and over again.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Probably Ethereal (Once Upon a Time). It's one of two Christmas fics I wrote in that fandom, and I think this one is the most magical and very cute at the end.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

No, I luckily never have!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Sometimes, when the story requires it. I've never written smut for the sake of smut. I need emotions or something to go with it. I also dislike writing it, haha.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I have not written crossovers.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No! But I did write a fic in French once.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes, but it was never completed and I forget where it lives. It was a group project by a few authors, to write a season together.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

I'm going to answer this as the ship for which I've read fic the longest and that would be either Janeway/Chakotay (Star Trek VOY) or Picard/Crusher (Star Trek TNG), but this is a very hard questions to answer. The ship I've written the most for is Regina/Robin (Once Upon a Time). I love River Song/The Doctor (Doctor Who) with every single cell of my body, but I've never written anything for them. And of course, Ted/Rebecca (Ted Lasso) own my heart at the moment. So, my favourite ship? Yes.

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Oof. Probably White Lies (Once Upon a Time). There's a chapter of it on AO3, but I won't bother linking because it's only one chapter, and although there's a full folder on my computer with scenes and I know the entire plot in my head, I don't think I'll ever have the motivation to write it.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I do angst pretty well, or like just emotional thoughts/scenes. Exploring characters and their motivation (vs plot, which I don't do as well, or much).

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

The English language? Lol. Okay, not entirely true, but my self-confidence in the fact that my English is good enough be a writer. Let's put it that way. I find that my vocabulary is never big or strong enough.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

If the fic calls for it sure! But it needs to be done well.

I've never written a dialogue in another language in an English fic, but as a reader and as someone who speaks French, nothing turns me off a fic faster than bad French. So if I were to write dialogue in another language, I'd want to make sure it was 100% correct.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

A little unknown local show on message boards 15+ years ago. It's been lost to the ether of the internet.

First fandom of my English fandom era: Sanctuary.

20. Favorite fic you've ever written?

I'm cheating and saying three because I can.

Favourite fic of all time and completed? Probably Greatest Hits (Once Upon a Time). I'm super proud of that one and all the multiple AUs I created for it and the way they are weaved together.

From this past year and completed? five (Star Trek: The Next Generation, Star Trek: Picard), hands down. I am so very proud of this fic. It's the first fic I managed to complete in 5 years. I feel like chapter 1 is a little rough, but by chapter 4, I impressed myself and it was a very nice feeling.

Incomplete? I've never had as much fun writing and planning something as I've had working on celestial games (Ted Lasso). I hit a bit of a wall because life got intense and then I lost my momentum, but I cannot wait to get back to it! I smile just thinking about it.

tagging in a no-pressure way (and sorry for any double tags): @broadwayfreak5357 @fandomfrolics @somewhereapart @ninzied @the-alpha-incipiens @writtenndust @quillerqueen and anyone else who wants to do it! (I did my best trying to spread this to various fandoms haha)

[television-overload]

Fanfic end of year asks:

1. favorite fic you wrote this year, 3. favorite line/scene you wrote this year, 5. most popular fic this year, 7. longest completed fic you wrote this year, 14. a fic you didn’t expect to write, 23. fics you wanted to write but didn't

Ooh yay! All great questions, let's see...

1. favorite fic you wrote this year

Man, I honestly don't know. For NCIS, probably How Does a Moment Last Forever just because I tend to be happier with one shots as a whole than with multichaps. Plus, I really love writing Tony and little Tali.

For X-Files, which I just watched this year and started writing for, probably Beautiful. I love writing bittersweet fics, if you can't tell.

3. favorite line/scene you wrote this year

Scene? Probably when Tony and Ziva are making dinner together in the Boxed In chapter of my Season 3 fic.

As for line... hmm, I don't know. Maybe something from the Star Wars Obi-Wan/Satine fic I'm writing, adapting The Sound of Music storyline 😂 but I usually only talk about that on my Star Wars sideblog lol

5. most popular fic this year

By hits for a fic *written* this year: Yeah, that's the Sound of Music Star Wars fic hahaha, and then my Season 3 NCIS story.

By kudos is actually sh-boom for the X-Files fandom, which kind of surprises me. It was the first one I posted for the fandom and was written on a whim, but I really do like it.

7. longest completed fic you wrote this year

"Completed" is the problem, here 😂. Beautiful (X-Files) is the longest at 4,985 words, because I'm excluding stuff I wrote years ago and only just uploaded to AO3. BUT the aforementioned Star Wars fic (incomplete) is the longest thing I've written ever, by far, at 40,057 words.

14. a fic you didn’t expect to write

Anything besides the big projects I'm working on is pretty much unexpected. The Tony and Tali fic was a pleasant surprise, as I'd been wanting to write something inspired by that song for literal years, and the answer just suddenly came to me. Also wasn't planning to jump into writing X-Files fic quite yet, so each of those was written in a sudden bout of inspiration.

23. fics you wanted to write but didn't

Oof. So many. I don't even want to think about the number of small (and not so small) snippets I have written both on my computer and on my notes app 😅

I've got one that honestly doesn't need much work to make it a publishable that I completely forgot about until just now. It's where Tony stays in Israel longer than in canon and is there when Ziva finds out she's pregnant. A tried and true trope, but I love every single one of those fics and would love to write one of my own someday.

For X-Files, there's this joke that Mulder and Scully have been sharing the same pair of glasses the whole time (because the actors often were on the show), and I was planning to write something about how that got started and progressed throughout the series.

[watercolor-hearts]

@dumbf1sketches gave me one of the best Christmas gifts I could ever dream of and asked me to answer every questions from this list, and now I'm finally here with all of the answers. Almost 5K words, my longest post ever but I really enjoyed talking about my stories, my writing process, fave stories, not published ideas from the bottom of my notes app, and everything else. I don't think a lot of people will read this, but if you will, thank you, and enjoy!

1. Share a song that makes you think of [fic title]

Easy start because there weren’t any fics specified for this question. Let’s move on to the second one. 

2. Do you read/reread your own fics?

I do. I write about things I like so I usually reread my stories when there aren’t any new ones I could read. I enjoy reading my stories, they make me happy and I think it's a really important part of writing.

3. What’s your favorite fic that you’ve written?

This one is hard because I like a lot of my stories. My favorite single-chapter one is “Battle scar” and my favorite multi-chapter one is the Depressed Seb AU.

4. How many WIPs do you have right now?

Only one (WIP as in I've started thinking about it but haven't started writing it), because I try to only work on one story at a time. (But I have a lot of ideas.)

5. What’s a fic idea you’ve had that you will never write?

I’m gonna tell you about two ideas that are very important to me but I will probably never write them. I think I’ve already mentioned this one once. (Trigger warning for mention of suicide attempt!)

“Stay with me, stay with me” is about gamer (and later professional esports player) Max and paramedic Daniel. The story starts with Max’s suicide attempt. Charles finds him, calls 911 or whatever the number is and Daniel’s team is the one that arrives to help. One thing that’s really really important is Daniel’s voice and the words he says to Max (“stay with me, stay with me”) when Max is on the verge of losing consciousness because of the blood loss, because Daniel’s voice will later be what helps Max to identify him when he goes to thank him for saving him. 

When Max goes to Daniel to thank him for saving him, Daniel offers to show Max his favorite place, a lake, to talk with him there because he knows people like Max need someone who understands them, and Daniel understands them because he has had his own struggles before deciding to become a paramedic. So yeah, Max accepts the offer and goes to the lake with Daniel and they start to get to know each other.

I don’t want to tell every single detail because I already know that this post will be really long but here are a few more things: They always meet at the lake, Max asks a lot about Daniel, about his job, about anything, really, because he loves listening to Daniel, he loves his voice and accent. Daniel also asks Max questions but with Max, it’s a bit more difficult because it’s hard for him to open up, especially about why he’d attempted suicide. But eventually, they get there and Max tells it to Daniel, and from then on their friendship becomes even stronger. 

One of my favorite things from the story is that Max can’t swim in it but Daniel can and he tries to get Max to join him in the water. It takes a lot of time but eventually, Max joins him but he keeps holding on to the pier until Daniel tells him to try and hold on to him. Max tries and everything goes well until Daniel tries to swim away with him and Max starts panicking. Daniel tells him not to but Max cannot not panic, he needs to get out because otherwise, he’ll die. (He won’t, Daniel’s there.) Daniel can’t get Max into the water again until he brings him an inflatable swimming ring. With that and with the promise of getting to hold onto the pier, Max gets in again. This time it’s better.

They spend a few days like this, Daniel swimming around Max, Max chilling in the swimming ring. Later Daniel gets Max’s trust back (after trying to swim away with him and losing it) so Max gets into the water without the swimming ring and holds on to Daniel like a human backpack, asking him millions of times not to go away from the pier. He doesn’t go, he won’t play with Max’s trust ever again. After a while Max tries to be a bit braver and only holds Daniel’s hand or shoulder, not clinging on his whole body. And in the end, Daniel teaches him how to swim and they jump into the lake and race each other. (I love them so much, I love imagining this scene.)

Another important thing is the first time when they meet again in Max’s house. This time it’s in the middle of the night, Max wakes up hardly being able to breathe, fully panicking, heart racing, everything, thinking he’s having a heart attack. He calls Daniel and hopes he will pick up and Max won’t die. Daniel picks up and tries to calm him down and collect enough symptoms to decide if it’s a panic attack or if it really is a heart attack and Max needs an ambulance. Max doesn’t make it easy, Daniel decides it’s better if he goes to Max and checks him up because it’s safer than doing it on the phone. By then he knows it’s just a panic attack. He arrives there, gives him a quick check-up to make sure everything’s okay and to show him everything is okay and he doesn’t have to worry, and then… he stays there because Max asks him to. (Because he feels safe with him.) So this is how they first end up (literally) sleeping together.

And the reason why I won’t write it is because… I don’t know… I don’t want to end up with it like how I ended up with my original multi-chapter story, leaving it unfinished. Also, the reason why Max did what he did is one of the things in this story that I can’t really figure out because I don’t want him to be depressed or anything like that but I’d still need a good reason for him to do it. And I don’t have any. (Besides maybe something non-con sexual thing but I’m not sure if that’s… enough of a reason because I don’t know much about this topic.)

-

I haven’t talked enough so here’s the second story, “Lullaby”. It’s a non-sexual age regression Max/Daniel story/universe (because not everything I’m going to tell is in one story). I’ll try to keep it short.

So, in this story/universe, Max likes to regress to a younger age, something like 3-4, maybe 5 in some cases. After a bad race, they’re back in the hotel (or in Max’s or Daniel’s apartment) with Daniel. Daniel’s lying on the couch, Max is on top of him, and they’re in complete silence, both too tired to talk.

And then after a while, Daniel notices Max tapping a rhythm on his upper arm. Daniel asks what’s it and Max simply replies “It’s your heartbeat, Daddy” and this is the beginning of Daniel discovering that his heartbeat helps Max to regress and that little Max likes heartbeats, especially Daniel’s. Daniel asks little Max about it and little Max tells him that he likes hearts because he thinks they’re interesting and sometimes they help him calm down.

At first, it’s a bit new and unexpected for Daniel but he quickly gets used to it and encourages little Max to talk about it and tell Daniel everything he knows about it, everything Brad told big Max about it in training, everything, and tells him to ask questions about it so they can learn together, and Daniel reads about it so he can tell little Max more facts about it, and he buys him a stethoscope so he can listen to daddy’s heart and to his own and compare them and things like that. The sparkle in little Max’s eyes is everything for Daniel. 

Then Daniel lets little Max check his pulse when he’s training (not the normal, serious training, more like training for Max to make him happy and let him be his “doctor”). And then maybe once he brings little Max with him to the medical check-up before the start of the season to show some interesting things to little Max and let him ask real doctors and learn more. To be honest it’s just little Max finding hearts interesting and Daniel supporting him in every possible way because happy Max is everything to him.

And the reason why I probably won’t write it is that even though I love reading about little Max (or any little driver), I find it difficult to write age regression stories. I don’t exactly know why but I think partly because it’s still quite new to me and I don’t really know how to do it, I don’t really know how little kids speak English and things like that, how this whole age regression thing works... Also, it’s been about two days since I got to know that age regression is not just a fictional thing but people do it for real. So yeah, it’s really new to me, this is the first fandom where I’ve seen these types of stories. 

And also, I feel like it’d be too much hearts. I have a difficult relationship with this topic because I want to write about it in non-sexual and sexual way too but since nobody really writes about it, I can’t hide with my stories like in some more popular topics where there are a lot of people writing about that topic. It’s scary to be that one person who writes about that one topic.

(Yes, I’m scared about people, about negative comments, about people pointing at me and laughing at me, etc. Kind of sad but yeah. I shouldn’t care about it because it’s just me that makes it seem like it’s a big thing. It’s not, I’m just not brave enough to actually write about it. I should just shut up and start writing about it. I know nobody would eat me alive but still. Easier said than done.)

6. Are there any fics from others you reread all the time?

Yeah, there are a lot but I can’t name all of them because I don’t remember the titles. I usually just search for topics like panic attacks and read the stories there over and over again. But I do have some downloaded so I can recommend some of my faves. Our Hearts Beat as One, don’t wanna drive another mile without knowing you’re breathing (i’ll call your mom.), Heartbeat, i carry your heart with me, by small and small; midnight to four am, & burn., Heartbeat Mine and one that’s not F1 but I really like is Four. Eight. Seven. I think we can say my faves are the hurt/comfort, self-harm, panic attack, and heartbeat-related ones. 

7. How many ideas for fics do you have right now?

A lot. 😀 I have some prompts in my inbox waiting for me. Carlando jewelry, Carlos coming to terms with liking men, Carlando hurt/comfort with Lando comforting Carlos, a lot of ideas for the Depressed Seb AU, and then I have some own ideas like Charlos premature birth and male lactation (you can see the collage I made to it below, as well as some others), and I’ve claimed two kinkmeme prompts too, so yeah, there is a lot to write and I hope I’ll be able to write all of them.

8. What project(s) are you currently working on?

I’m currently working on one of the kinkmeme prompts I’ve claimed.

9. Do you write every day? If you wrote today, share a sentence of what you’ve written!

I don’t write every day because sometimes I don’t have time for it and sometimes I’m simply just not in the mood to write. I didn’t write today because I was working on answering these questions.

10. Is there a fic that got a different response than you were expecting?

Yeah, I wasn’t expecting people to like my accidental pregnancy, abortion, and angst Lestappen story, “Broken Hearts and Broken Dreams”, but it has become my number one story based on hits count (and the other counts are pretty impressive, too, at least for me).

11. Do you have specific playlists for writing fics?

You can find the answer here.

12. Do you have a playlist for your current WIP(s)? Share it!

I don’t make playlists because I don’t really listen to music while writing and I don’t feel like I need songs for my stories. I’m more of a collage maker type, I like visualizing my ideas.

13. How much planning do you do before writing?

Not much, to be honest, but it depends on the story. Depressed Seb AU is one of the more planned stories, as well as some of my stories I daydream about a lot but will probably never post them. 

14. If you could see one of your fics adapted into a visual medium, such as comic or film, which fan fic would you pick?

I’d love to see a short film about “Safe place” because I really like the soft and safe vibes it has. Campfire under the stars on Daniel’s farm, Daniel playing the guitar for his friends while they're eating marshmallows, Lando and Carlos’ developing relationship, the cuddling under the stars, and everything. It’s just so soft.

15. How do you come up with titles for your fics/chapters?

I usually just choose something from the story. A word or sentence that describes it or is an important part of the story. I don’t really give artsy titles or anything like that. I don’t think it’s important because when I read I usually forget the title about a second after reading it.

16. At what point in the process do you come up with titles?

If it’s for a requested story, then at the end when I post it on Ao3. If it’s a non-prompt story, then at the beginning because I need to make collages to my stories before I start writing them and I usually put the title on the collage.

17. What’s something you’ve learned about while doing research for a fic?

For someone who has nothing to do with the medical field, I know a few things about cardiac surgery, army medicine, and heart surgeons’ and trauma surgeons’ lives and mindsets because my one and only original multi-chapter story was about a heart surgeon single dad and an army medic/trauma surgeon, and I did a lot of research because I wanted the story to be good and realistic, and I hate when people write stupid things like defibrillation (shocking) brings back someone from asystole (flatline) so I didn’t want to be one of them. I didn't want people to laugh at me for writing inaccurate things.

Loved doing research for that story, it was my everything but after a while, I stopped enjoying writing it because it felt like a job and, also I didn’t feel well in the Hungarian writing community so I left it and stopped writing the story because I decided to completely switch to writing in English in this fandom. I miss that story because I put a lot of work into it and didn’t reach the end of it but it is what it is.

I love medical stories and things like that but since I’ve seen at least five doctors and other medical personnel in this fandom I’ve decided not to write any medical-focused stories because I don't want to provide them stories they can laugh at with their friends in their group chat. (Because I’d still make mistakes as I’m not a medical worker, I’m just interested in it.) Also, I’m too much of a snowflake one negative word about my writing not to break me completely.

18. What’s one of your favorite lines you’ve written in a fic?

I have a lot that I really like, most of them are in “Maybe I deserve all of this”. My two (so far) Galex stories are very special to me. ❤

“You know, when people see someone crying, they usually say something like ‘please don’t cry, it’s going to be alright’ because they… they don’t really know what to do when someone cries. Nobody really teaches you what to do. It’s a stressful situation and they want it to end as soon as possible and then move on like nothing’s happened. (...)”

-

“I wouldn't compare pain,” Alex said, “because it’s not something you can or should compare. It’s not about whose pain is worse. Everybody’s pain is valid and they deserve to get comforted if they want to. (...)”

-

“(...) We all have moments like this; when we’re vulnerable and just want someone to hold us.”

“And it’s one of the best things in the world when you have someone to hold you.”

19. Give us a small teaser from one of your WIPs.

I don’t have any WIPs now, I’m sorry. My latest one is finished and I haven’t actually started writing my next one because I spent my whole day answering these questions.

20. What’s a favorite title for a fic you’ve written?

Home. I once read a quote that was something like “Home is not a place but the person you love.” and this quote perfectly describes my “ars poetica”. I mainly write about hurt/comfort, my characters hug and cuddle a lot, they usually like and need physical touch, and their home is/are their partner(s) because they can be anywhere in the world if their partner(s) is/are with them, they’re home.

21. Have you ever deleted an entire scene after spending hours laboring over it? If so, why?

Oh, yeah, of course. Because sometimes in my head some scenes look like they’re good and fit the story but when I actually write them down they don’t fit anymore.

22. Do you know how your fic will end before you start writing?

Sometimes yes, sometimes no. When I write for prompts, I rarely know how the story will end. If I write my non-prompt stories, I usually kinda know how I want to end it. But I’m flexible so if the story changes halfway, I’m totally okay with it. Sometimes it makes it even better.

23. How do you choose where to end a chapter (if you have multi-chapter works)?

I don’t really know, to be honest. I just… know where to end. 😃 I mean I don’t really have real multi-chapter works, only universes where I post different stories so I usually just write single-chapter stories, moments from that universe. So I can’t really give you a good answer to this question.

24. Share a moodboard for (one of) your current WIP(s).

Not only wips but the other mentioned stories, too, because I love making moodboards. 😊

25. Have you ever upset yourself with your own writing?

You can find the answer here.

26. Is there something you’ve written that you would never want your family to see?

I don’t want them to see any of my stories. Big big nope. This is my comfort thing, this is my secret, no family, nope.

27. Is there a fic you were nervous to post/share? Why?

My vampire Seb/human Kimi story, “You're mine”, because I don’t really like to write fantasy stories and this was my first one, and even more because this story is the closest I’ve ever dared to go to heartbeat fetish and I was really, really scared of people’s reaction.

28. Have you ever tagged a fic “Dead Dove: Do Not Eat”?

I’ve never and I don’t plan to because I don’t plan to write stories that require this tag. I don't think I'm that dark in terms of things I write about. I prefer a little bit of angst, hurt/comfort, fluff and things like that.

29. Share a bit from a fic you’ll never post OR from a scene that was cut from an already posted fic. (If you don’t have either, just share a random fic idea you have that you don’t plan on getting to.)

I went through my notes app to see if I have anything unfinished and I’ve found a few stories so I’m gonna put them here:

Seb/Kimi (105 words)

The first time Kimi noticed it was when they were about to go on a date and Seb was still in the bathroom when Kimi was already ready to go ten minutes ago. When he took a few steps towards the bathroom to check on Seb, he noticed that his husband was still busy with his hair like he was when Kimi left the bathroom to get dressed. He was trying to style it somehow, trying to hide the bald spots and his receding hairline. It didn't work and he started to get frustrated. They don't talk about Seb's hair. Or the lack of it. 

This one started as an idea of a 3+1 or 5+1 times fic in which Kimi notices how Seb becomes more and more self-conscious about the state of his hair (with the “help” of what people say about it on the internet) and wants to show him that his hair is not everything and the world doesn’t end only because he has started losing his hair. Kimi still loves him and he still looks good, and also, there are different ways he can try to either save his hair to find a hairstyle that gives him confidence. But then I let this idea go because I didn’t really care about it anymore as I had better ideas. I think I only wanted to write this because I hate when fans make it seem like the drivers’ hair is everything and oh my god their hair is thinning and falling out and look at their hairline and everything. It will become gray, and it will fall out, this is life. Hair is not everything.

Nyck/Stoffel (259 words)

Nyck was sitting on the stairs at the base of their terrace, leaning against the wall when Stoffel opened the door to bring Nyck and himself a glass of lemonade and to check on his boyfriend. He put the tray on the table between the two outdoor couches and took one of the glasses off to give it to Nyck, who was just sitting there, looking towards the backyard. Stoffel sat down next to him. “I’ve brought you lemonade,” Stoffel showed him the glass with the ice cubes and lemon and orange slices, “It's cold. You should drink a bit.” Nyck didn't say anything, just grabbed the glass, drank a few sips from it, and went back to leaning against the wall. Stoffel put the glass down a bit further so they wouldn’t knock it over. “Is it out?” was all Nyck asked in a toneless voice. He has turned off his phone long ago because he didn't want to see all the posts about Daniel replacing him. He didn't need all the hate, all the fake I'm sorrys, phone calls, and messages. “Yes,” Stoffel nodded, putting his hand on Nyck’s back. “Only one post about—” “I don't care,” Nyck said, cutting Stoffel off. He knew what was in the post, he didn't need a reminder. Stoffel nodded, reaching out to get his own glass. Nyck tried to take a few deep breaths to make his tears not to blurt out but it wasn't easy. It wasn't easy to hold them back all day. 

I started writing this one after they got rid of Nyck but I was too sad to actually finish it.

Daniel/George (739 words) (trigger warning for self-harm and blood!)

This is one of those stories I started writing shortly after joining the fandom. I was sad, Daniel was sad too, and I liked the pain so all I did was think about story ideas like this. Fortunately, I don’t really do it anymore. But, now that I’ve reread this story, I think I should finish it and put it on Ao3. There's not much left of this to be finished. What do you think? Anyway, this is the original “nurse” Russell story, not the Galex one. So so OG I thought it'll never see daylight. 😂 I should really make a Nurse Russell series with George taking care of his boyfriends. ❤

“Can you please... come over?” Daniel sounds desperate on the phone, his breathing is heavy. George tries not to panic, but he can sense what's happened because there was a phone call like this in the past too. “There's... There's blood.” George immediately jumps out of the bed. “I'm on my way Danny,” he says as he quickly puts on his shoes and a hoodie, his Suzuka merch. “How much blood is there?” he asks as he grabs his keycard and the first aid kit from his room. He knows that there probably is one in Daniel's room, too, but he wants to make sure. “More... More than last time...” comes the answer from Daniel, his voice shaking. George jumps in the lift and tries to think about what to say to Daniel to help him calm down. It's not the first time this has happened. George knows that Daniel's struggling, and he hates to see it. He was once smiley, and cheerful, and now, two years later, he has to force himself to smile, he has to cut himself to replace the mental pain with physical pain. It's not what he deserves and George hates himself for that he can't be there for him always, he can't help Daniel enough not to hurt himself. “Don’t… Don’t wanna go to the hospital…” “Try to breathe, yeah?” is all George can say as he hopes Daniel won't have a panic attack. “I'm almost there,” he says as he steps out of the elevator, heading towards Daniel’s hotel room. “I'm on the balcony,” says Daniel between two deep breaths. He's trying, he's trying, that's good, George thinks as he steps out of the elevator and runs towards Daniel's hotel room door. “Door's open.” “I'm coming,” the Brit says as he enters the room and goes straight to the balcony. He ends the call once he sees Daniel. Daniel is sitting in the corner, blood slowly dripping from his forearm to the ground, razor blade lying next to a bigger red drop. “Hey, Danny,” says George as calmly as he can as he sits down in front of Daniel. “I'm here, I'll help you. Tell me, what happened?” he asks while opening the first aid kit and gently holding Daniel's arm to take a look at it. Daniel lets him without saying a word. He always lets him. And George is grateful for that. He counts five cuts. Last time there were three. They're longer than the ones before, but fortunately not deeper. George looks at Daniel for a moment before he starts to clean up the blood. Daniel's tired. His face tells it. He doesn't speak, his eyes are shut, tears running down his cheeks. “Danny...” George says calmly and touches Daniel's left cheek, gently trying to wipe the tears off. It breaks his heart to see Daniel like this. “I'm tired,” Daniel says before George can continue with something like he shouldn't do this, his friends are there for him, and things like that. Daniel knows he's alone. When people are deep down in their shit, they can only count on themselves. They're alone. Nobody wants to be with you when you're suffering, Daniel knows it. That's why he doesn't tell anyone when he's about to harm himself again. “Please just... Clean it up and put something on it, and then...” “I won't go and let you alone again, don't even try,” George says firmly because he knows Daniel and he knows that he wanted to say it, just like last time. “I'll stay here with you. We don't have to talk if you don't want to, but I want to be here with you.” “I don't even know why I even called you. I should've known you'd want to stay here and babysit me. I'm a grown-ass man, George. I won't kill myself, don't worry.” George doesn't say anything, instead, he concentrates on Daniel's arm. He's almost done with it. He doesn't want to say anything that could result in something like this again. He knows Daniel could take care of himself if he wanted to, but he still had called George. And George knows why. Because he doesn't want to be alone. Because when he's alone he can't think about anything but all the things that happened in the last few months. And it's too much for him. It would be too much for everyone.

And the last one:

Max/Daniel (52 words) - This is all I have of “Stay with me, stay with me” in my notes app. :(

“Stay with me,” an unfamiliar but calm and caring voice filled his ears as he struggled to open his eyes and recognize where he was and what happened. “Stay with me, stay with me,” the voice continued and Max felt someone placing something on his face and it became easier to breathe.

It’s really short and I’m very sad because in my notebook there are a few more pages for this story but that notebook is in my dorm room and I’m at home so I can’t show it to you, even if I really want to because it’d show a bit more about the story but I’ve already talked about this story above so yeah. I wanted to show the ambulance scene but I guess I’ll have to do it another time, if I’ll ever do it. 

30. Ask anything!

Feel free to ask anything. About my published stories, about my non-published ones from here, anything, really. As you can see I love talking about my stories, especially if people ask about them and I can talk about exactly what they want to know about.

-

If you're seeing this message here, congratulations, you've just read almost 5K words! Thank you so much for reading this bit of my soul and my heart, if you have any questions, feel free to write a comment, send a message or an ask. I never bite and I'm always grateful for interactions.

Have a nice day! ❤

[whitherwanderyouspirit]

20 questions for fic writers

I was tagged by @pinkytoothlesso11! Thank you! This looks fun!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Currently only 11.

2. What's your total A03 word count?

61,178...feels like it would be a lot more! I do have several un-posted WIPs and unfinished chapters, so I'm guessing that's why my brain is doing a double-take.

3. What fandom's do you write for?

Currently, only Trollhunters/Tales of Arcadia. I have an unfinished WIP for Hocus Pocus that I've been chipping away at since last Halloween, but it's far from done. I tend to kind of zero in on a single fandom at a time, for the most part. I've been part of a lot of fandoms in the past though, so there's every chance I could jump over to another and drop a fic at any given time.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Locked Rooms

Media Consumption

Snippets, Snails, and Trollish Tales

A Measure of Intellect

Sketchy Antiques

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Many times yes, sometimes no. If I'm not responding to a comment you left on my work, I'm either struggling with social burnout or I've waited so long to respond that I feel like it would be...awkward. I am thankful for and genuinely appreciate all comments though! Sometimes, I just don't have the spoons left over at the end of the day.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Probably Blood and Frost, which is located within Snippets, Snails, and Trollish Tales. If only because it's left intentionally unclear within the narrative whether or not the monster is the protagonist's deceased and reanimated wife or just a doppelganger. I'm not a big fan of raw angst or whump. A dash, just enough to pull the heartstrings is good, but I've dealt with enough trauma in my life that I don't read to intentionally induce negative emotions.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Probably Locked Rooms. It's not an end all to solve to Barbara and Walter's notable relationship drama, but it's enough of a milestone that at least one of them probably felt major relief from the outcome. Underneath the pain from the blunt-force trauma to his skull.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Thankfully, no. I'm very relieved that this fandom seems to honor the concept of "don't like, don't read."

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Generally, no. I'll get suggestive and imply or tease certain inevitabilities or outcomes of what the characters intend to do, but I just can't stay engaged enough with smut to write it. I don't have a problem with smut at all, and will read it if it involves characters I ship, but I don't really get anything from it. I'm asexual, and I tend to just zone out during those scenes. I think it's a part of a healthy relationship when both parties clearly want it, so I think I'm generally clear that, yes, these two are fucking. I just...get too bored with it to write it.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I would with the right motivation and time, but not yet. I do read them though, if I like both fandoms.

Having come into the ToA fandom from Danny Phantom (I kept seeing that meme about good series that have "wtf did I just watch" endings and figured it was worth watching), I have brainstormed out scenarios where Vlad gets his ass chewed out by Barbara on the importance of reciprocated feelings and for being a stalker. Not motivated to write it at the moment, but it's fun to visit.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I'm aware of, but I've considered translating my own for language practice. I'm fluent (albeit out of practice) in Japanese in addition to English.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but I'd be interested in collaborating if the story premise peaked my interest!

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

All-time? Oh man, I tend not to rank things like that, to be honest. My current fixation is Stricklake. Longest ship...probably Touya/Yukito from Card Captor Sakura? I was really hoping the CLAMP would explore more of their relationship in the current follow-up series but, alas, Nakayoshi has the final say I guess (because you can't convince me that CLAMP, the queens of smut doujin and shipping crack that they are, didn't want to pimp out their power couple as much as possible).

I'm admittedly not big into shipping in the grander scheme. It's less common for me to get into a ship than, say, some other aspect of a story or character. It happens, but it's not the norm.

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I am entirely too much of a perfectionist to never finish my WIPs, even if they seem to be taking forever for me to update. If I've posted it, I plan on finishing it eventually.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm good about keeping characters in-character, from both an action and a dialogue perspective. Also grammar. Generally, I think my pacing's usually okay, though sometimes I think I draw things out too much.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I have the hardest time figuring out what idle background actions are going on during dialogue-heavy scenes. This is responsible for 75% of my writing delays, lol. You would think that as someone who got their writing start in text-based role play, I would be a master of fluffing up the spaces between to up my wordcount, but not anymore! Gone are the days when I could churn out multiple 500+ RP posts. To be fair, though, I think I've finally eliminated all my more damning writing tells from those days, lol.

Figuring out how to do this better though is something I'm actively working to improve.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I try to stick to what I know, or get at least a little familiar with the language so that the characters sound natural enough. I will fall back on the protagonist not speaking enough of the foreign language to understand, and thus not translate it directly.

I generally won't create languages or conlang for fantasy races. I don't have a problem with them, but it's an effort that I often just don't have the energy to undertake. When writing starts to feel like work for me, the writer's block tends to set in quickly. I try to avoid that.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Published or no? Published: Tales of Arcadia/Trollhunters. Unpublished...Probably Animorphs. And by "unpublished," I mean it's probably handwritten in pencil in a leftover marble notebook from middle school.

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

Currently, A Measure of Intellect. I enjoy exploring the modern fantasy aspects of ToA that would theoretically occur post-reveal in Arcadia Oaks. It's an aspect of modern fantasy that I think often gets overlooked because the reveal is often designed to be set as the ending of a series. It's always been my favorite part to fantasize about though--how the mundane world and fantasy can intermesh and interact.

If I can ever finish In Betweens and move on to post-Trollhunters works set in that series, I think some of the things I'd like to write would be my favorites. I just need to figure out the details of this plot and get it done...

[epersonae]

Tagged by @adickaboutspoons - thank you!

Rules: Go to your published works on AO3 and list the first fic you ever published there, the last fic you published, any fic that you wrote for a fandom/ship only once, your favorite fic you wrote in the fandom/ship that has the most works, the fic you wish more people read, the fic you agonized over the most, the fic that sprang fully formed from your mind without any effort, and a work you are proud of—for whatever reason. <3

First fic - A week at a day spa, which is the first fic I ever wrote, and the first time I'd written any fiction in years. It was a bit of an experiment, right before I became completely obsessed with my rarepair. I don't love it, but I don't hate it either. I'd be tempted to take another run at that moment from another direction after everything else I've written.

Last fic - end up several worlds away, the missing scenes companion to for the benefit of all the broken hearts. I just added a chapter with Stede seeing Mary's art for the first time. At the moment, this is my only active WIP; I have a partially written chapter in GDocs that I might work on again soon.

Only fic for a fandom/ship - The dead and the living, my one and only Star Trek (TOS movies) fic. During my time between TAZ and OFMD, I got into a Star Trek Slack and we have done watch parties for a bunch of the movies. somewhere in my head/gdocs I have the start of a long heavy fic about Khan's wife, but this little piece just kind of popped into my head after we watched Star Trek III. I love Carol Marcus a lot.

Favorite fic in the fandom with the most works - Did I really write one hundred and fifty fics for The Adventure Zone????? I sure did. Obviously I have to pick The Reckoning Arrives, which is my longest fic in any fandom, the fic that Ryn and I worked so hard on, the fic that kinda saved my life. But also I was poking through some of my other TAZ fic, and there's actually quite a few of them I still love, but The Woman Who Wasn't There is a fave as far as fics that aren't in my larger continuity. (readers of for the benefit of all the broken hearts will notice a theme about bringing the wife back into the story, which I hadn't really considered until today.)

Fic I wish more people read - another one I found while poking through old TAZ fics: Don't forget to remember. NGL, it's kinda fucked up, but at least it's short? But it's just a tight little story about coping and trauma and memory, and honestly it gave me an outlet at a time when I really needed it. Of my Our Flag Means Death fics: probably the whole devil's threeway series, which is about to be completely decanonized and I'm totally okay with that. I still think I got a vibe that I'm really pleased with and it ended up being the only reunion that I've written, which I think is genuinely funny.

Fic I agonized over the most - for the benefit of all the broken hearts, which I agonized over in so many ways. both in terms of WHAT AM I EVEN WRITING HERE and in the actual work of writing (and the bonkers choice to not name the protagonist in the text), and then in the actual work of editing. I put the most effort into this of literally anything I've ever written in any medium for any purpose.

Fic that sprang fully formed - nice either way, aka the beard fic, which I wrote over the course of a single afternoon driving along the Columbia River Scenic Highway (that was a weird week). Although to be honest, I would say almost any fic less than 1000 words is likely to have sprung fully formed, especially a lot of my earlier TAZ works when I was kind of continuously writing. (Again: 150 works)

A work I'm proud of - it really does have to be for the benefit of all the broken hearts, I worked my ass off on that one and it occupied my whole brain for several months. It was a wild thing to attempt to do, both as a story and as a technical challenge, and I'm so pleased with how it turned out.

Tagging (as always, no pressure but have fun with it!) - @naranjapetrificada, @nekosd43, @gaypiratebrainrot, @mxmollusca, @oatmilktruther, @emi--rose