#this is the burden I must bear ect ect

[seasononesam]

sometimes I hesitate to post a gifset bc I know people will be Wrong about sam in the tags...and yet I still post on 

[strawberri-draws]

My little brother thought Jets name was Jeff; we have watched this show multiple times help me I can’t escape this cursed assumption…. Jeff…….

[tamelee]

Hii

How are you doing? 🥰 Hope you are doing well 💕

Thank you for answering my pervious question💓✨

Today I was reading some pRo Ss shippers and anti ss shippers agreements. When anti ss shipper said sasuke tried to kill sakura 3 times, the pro shipper answered :" he tried to kill everyone! Not only sakura " (u know they defeat their ship like this) and I don't know but if someone (ss shippers) tell you something like that: he wants to kill everyone, he is not in his right mind, sakura was the last person he doesn't want to hurt her, killing sakura was dramatic for sasuke and ect...) ) what will you say to them? I really want to know. I will appreciate it if you share your thoughts about this with me 🥰💕✨

BTW have a good day and night 💫💛

Hi @Nancy-8140 ! 💕 I am- hope you're well too! Sorry this took a while ( 〃．．)

Anyway, how tiring must it be for such people to have to come up with such excuses? Why do they need other people to believe in them too? Nothing in the story proves whatever contradictions they're preaching. And yet. 

I would say nothing to them tbh because it is impossible to get through their thick skulls. Arguing is futile. They're thinking in delusional ways to protect a SS-Headcanon or Sakura in particular.

It seems they love to "forget" why this conflict even happened in the first place. The most infuriating thing about it is that a large portion truly hates Sasuke. One of the biggest excuses is always "well his character is just complex" which is true, but not an excuse for them to use as a Joker-card. Someone doesn't understand their SS-Headcanon? Well Sasuke's just complex they say and you don't understand it apparently. They say they're a fan but if they need to downplay his character for the sake of Sakura? No hesitation. 

And SS is for the sake of Sakura. You can't tell me otherwise. 

Yes, Sasuke almost killed Sakura during the Kage Arc if it weren't for Kakashi saving her ass. And then Naruto. But, this was a response to her coming to backstab him. Both figuratively as a supposed teammate/comrade, and literally with a poisoned kunai. Which may be one of the dumbest moves from someone who is objectively one of the smarter characters. Something Sasuke himself complimented her on when they were kids. Do you think this was accidental on Kishimoto's part? Of course not. Was Sasuke not allowed to defend himself? Why is this always left out of the conversation though? Sasuke easily sees right through her. Was he supposed to stand there, arms open wide and say "okay, I know you're lying to me, make everything about yourself again but come and kill me as you please"? She didn't even care to listen or understand the guy she supposedly loves so much. She can't have him? She can't understand his motives? It hurts her to see his actions unfold and it has nothing to do with her? Fine then die I guess. Because "bearing the burden" of killing him.. as she took upon herself which no one told her to btw, is still self-inserting herself onto him in a last-ditch effort. And superficial as hell. Naruto fought tooth and nail to understand Sasuke unlike her. Never mind all her teachers and friends she manipulated and put in danger while doing so. Why else would she also put herself in danger AGAIN for the second time when Kakashi pleaded.. well, ordered her not to. When he told her to stay back? When she absolutely knew she stood no chance? How many times do they have to tell her she's irrelevant to him? 

Because why was she so desperate? Why are their fans? 

Sasuke never cared to kill Sakura before that and didn't care for her life after. That much was clear as we saw during the War Arc. He thanked her for loving him which is seen as a rejection for mutual love btw and left her on a bench. Because yes, that's human decency. It's true that Sasuke saw her as a comrade when they were Genin but that's it. 

Sasuke needed to kill Naruto. Not Sakura. And the only reason he needed to do so was so he could be alone and away from that love. This is stated time and time again. Meaning: no one else. Even characters like Orochimaru and Kabuto who are great observers realized this early on. Important here being that Kishimoto chose to show this to us readers. 

But despite the killing part and negativity. Sasuke sacrificed his life for Naruto and his dreams as if it was natural. Sasuke didn't hesitate to stand up against Sakura for Naruto. He smirks and is playful with him yet cries after the confession in the end. He freely shows emotion around Naruto. "It's okay to cry when you're happy."

So what the hell are those shippers talking about? "..it was dramatic for Sasuke" they're pulling those statements out of their asses tbh. 

I'll show the link since it's on your own blog.

You know, sometimes I do read a contrasting essay here and there but this is laughable. 🎤: What you have there is the ultimate example.. I mean good job of finding one btw. I hadn't seen one this creative in a while. 

They're saying Sasuke only left Konoha for 5 years instead of 12ish?

Not that it is any better for their ship btw. He did meet up with Naruto, so much so that mr. Hokage apparently forgot that Sarada was in the picture..

But anyway where is the proof? Lol. Meanwhile Kishimoto clearly states the facts and in Gaiden it says that Sarada has never seen Sasuke. That's the entire plot. These people are so funny. Hey, to be fair, I respect the hustle. Not the tone though, jfc. And I'm sorry but I skimmed quickly through the rest because that is purely headache inducing and not worth reading. Typical. 

Long-winded excuses, downplaying Naruto and Sasuke's characters and their bond, "it's not bad because (x) is worse!", "you wouldn't understand my ship because you're dumb and not because I don't show any evidence", "you don't get the characters even though it's my headcanon", etc etc- 

Yeah I wouldn't bother if I were you.

Hope you have a nice day ✨

[x688plsloveme]

Spoilers up to ~250!!!

Okay but let's go back to the whole "Joonghyuk had to singlehandedly bear the world's burden over and over again until Dokja came along." Cause like. That had to be such a relief for him. Put aside the fact that he's absolutely enamored and loyal (who isn't when it comes to Dokja), him being there must be a huge weight off his shoulders.

I'm mainly thinking of the time that they were in First Murim and Dokja got him the sword he really wanted. Just. First Murim in general really. I think this was where he truly started to trust Dokja to help him reach the end

And I wholeheartedly believe that it was cemented when Dokja saved his teacher's life.

But anyway. When Dokja practically gives him the sword, Joonghyuk is stunned

In the novel, there's mentions about how Joonghyuk lived. And I don't quite remember if this was actually stated or not but it's true regardless - something about "Joonghyuk was distanced from his companions because they all depended on him so much ect ect". Something along those lines. You get the gist. Anyway what I'm getting at here is. When was the last time someone, a human nonetheless, was able and willing to stand on equal ground as him? To help lead his companions towards the end? Heck, when was the last time he was even given a gift???

It's no wonder that he latched onto Dokja so fiercely - he went through lifetimes without being able to fully rely on someone. In the beginning regressions he tries to but they just die like all the rest.

So when Dokja somehow survives time and time again and returns back to them? The very notion has to be foreign to Joonghyuk

[traci0417]

So I had an concept that just exploded in my head & I have to post this somewhere. No idea if this has already been done, but please let me know if it has so I can tag stories like it.

V long post- sorry. I’ll add a ‘read more’ if I can.

[spoliers, trauma, angst, alt trespasser ending, abandonment, found family ect - Youll get it in a min]

•Imagine if the inquisitor was a child. A little slip of an elven girl no more than 12. Who was simply at the wrong place at the wrong time. Her mother, a scout for her clan who wanted to bring her too curious daughter to see shems In person.

•Cassandras heart cracks at the sight of the kneeling prisoner in the cell. They didn’t even bother restraining her, the chains slipped off her thin wrists any time she moved. She’s a child! A child! Cassandra looks down, and the girl looks up at her with too big, too green bloodshot eyes. The tear stains on her face finally break Cassandras resolve, in the best way she can, she kneels, & as gently as Cassandra can, she asks “What happened?” The girl hiccups, her face crumples into another sob, and in between gasps she tells her all she knows.

•The trek up the mountain is no easy feat on a good day- So nevermind adding holding the hand of a little elf and fighting demons in the mix. But they do well, the girl doesn’t get in the way or scream every time an attack comes to close- then halfway up, the girl picks up a discarded mages staff, “So you are a mage?” The girl looks up at the seeker, cracking the first smile the woman has seen from her ,”With arms like these, I don’t think I’d do too well with a sword.” Cassandra gives a rare chuckle, ”no, I suppose not- are you proficient enough to defend yourself?” The elf stands straighter, “yes ma’am” “Then you must protect yourself well- we still have much to go.” And they continued.

•When Solas sees her- he feels something shoot him through the heart- grief? Remorse? You are only a child, I am so sorry, I have put you on a path that was not meant for you, you survived only for me to set you on the path of death once again. He is so angry, so enraged, it was not enough for Fen’Harel to damn his world, but in order to set it right he has to put a burden too great on a child? There is no atonement for what he means to do- but every time he sees that green glow on too small hands- he truly feels like the monster that this world thinks he is.

•Back at haven, she is getting more life back, her spirits are high despite the odds, She asks too many questions, but no one can deny her. Every time they see her flit about the encampment, smiling and laughing with the soldiers, the blacksmiths, no one knows how they should treat her, the herald, so they treat her as a child. She sits with Lilianna while she is writing messages, asks if she can help, and lilianna gives a gentle smile, because no way the girl can copy down & understand the codes needed, “I think just you being here helps” and the girls smile is filled with such joy that the spymasters heart aches- after she leaves, and goes to ask Jospehine, Cullen, Varrik, Blackwall, Bull & Solas a million questions- they all th ink the same thing after she turns in for the night. A child must bear this burden- we are so sorry for the pain that you must go though- we are so sorry that we cannot help you more, you were not meant for this path, but we will protect you with our lives.

•Despite the odds, she saves everyone. Haven is destroyed, she faced an arch demon, but she lived. The small settlement blooms with newfound hope because the herald is back. Solas holds her hand while she sleeps on the cot, healing magic Long spent, but he cannot bear to leave her, he underestimated her, she sacrificed herself, this little elf barely even 12, had saved them and faced against the abomination- Solas is in awe- he vows to protect her better. The advisers looked to her cot, seeing her sleeping body, tears running down their faces, although no one says anything about it, they’ve never been so relieved. They all vow to protect her better.

•Although the ceremony is symbolic, and the sword is taller than her, she accepted. Did her best to keep the sword steady.- but, naming her inquisitor was something they never wanted to put on her.

in the war room, hours before the ceremony had taken place, Josephine, with teary eyes and a lump in her throat, looks at red faced Cullen & Cassandra, who have been screaming at her for the better part of an hour. (“How could we even consider this!?” “She is a child, she has already done enough for us!” “We cannot possibly put more responsibility on those shoulders!” “Isn’t this needlessly cruel?”) Josephine stands taller, even though she has never felt so small,”I cannot think of a worse thing to do to her- but to name her inquisitor gives us a political edge, if we do not have a clear appointed leader, we will not be taken seriously- and to not name the only one who can close the rifts, the herald of Andraste, the inquisitor- would be political suicide.” “Damn the game!” Cullen bellows, “no amount of coin or favor can be worth what we are putting her though!” Lelianna has stayed silent, but as Cullen finishes his outburst, she clears her throat, and whispers, “we must.” And with that, the fight leaves the advisors, and despair replaces it.

•She loves freely, as only a child can, despite the sorrow. She triumphs, she charms, she is one of the strongest mages Solas has ever seen. She calls him Hahren & he calls her Da’Len. She never strays far from him, and it is clear to all that she loves the apostate & there is little Solas can do but love her just as much. it could just be homesickness on her part- but the attachment that she has formed with the mage, one cannot help but think it is that of what a daughter forms with a father.

•Solas is weak against her, as is everyone, but Solas in particular. Which is ironic considering he tried everything to put up a boundary between them- he knows how this will turn out- but he is helpless against the too curious, too bright eyes. He has infinite patience for her, her constant questions, her empathy, her aptitude for magic all pull at him. No one teases him for it. Although, one day, as he was walking through the courtyard, Iron Bull ran to him, “Solas! You’re daughter is on the roof- mind getting her down before Josephine bas a heart attack?” Solas’ heart flipped, he was not the childs father- the furthest thing, in fact, but he found he did not have it in him to correct the qunari.

•Despite her gentle nature, they have sharpened her into something to be feared. It haunts them, but they did not have a choice. She always helps, always saves, seems to always make the most righteous judgements- but as Adolescent, 13 now- she is growing before their eyes. Sometimes even going on missions alone(she lets Cole come, of course). No one says anything, but they all see how Solas & her circle leave on horses a few hours after she departed because “they need to check on something.”

•At 13, she charms the courts, Halamshiral was a success and Josephine couldn’t be more proud. Solas could nearly see her in the parties in arlathan, His daughter did so beautifully that he knows she would be the most feared, but he Tamps the thought down, it hurts to think about.

•Dorian and Sera love her more than they thought they could love anybody. She teaches them to look beyond themselves. They are her closets friends, and when it all becomes to much for Da’Len, they do their best to make mischief, so she never forgets to have fun as well.

•ever since she was 12, she has called Solas ‘Father’. It is a sweet pang in his heart every time, but he does not stop her. Just like no one stops her when she calls Iron Bull ‘uncle’ or lilianna, “Aunt”. But Skyhold does notice when the spy master is in a particular good mood for weeks, or how uncharacteristically quite Bull is after that.

•She defeats Corypheous, and Solas tells her how proud he is as he holds the broken orb, that he needs to go to do something important. And that he will be back. She begs to come with him, tells him to wait, that she is his daughter and fathers are never supposed to leave, & it is the first time she sees her father cry, she begs him to wait, but when he turns around. He is already gone,

•2 years have passed and she is 15. She is turning into a great beauty and an even greater mage. Her people worship her like a god, despite her protests. Ever since Solas left, Cullen and varrik have taken up the mantle as best they can, though they know it’s not enough, & Josephine teaches her all she knows, then lelianna teaches her how to hide it. They have done there best despite the worst and she knows that, the seeker is her closet to a mother though, with all of her harshness, she would do anything for the growing elf.

•The exalted council flurries past, she saves everyone yet again, but she is dying, and Da’len knows it. Her anchor is melting down and she tells everyone that she loves them- that she had the greatest family, that she was so grateful to help. She goes through the eluvian alone, leaving her patched up family screaming and crying behind her, to do this one last thing

•Fen’Harel was not prepared. He did not account for how much it would devastate him to see his daughter again. Hunched over in pain, the anchor killing her and oh maker it’s all his fault- but she still looks up at him, her face older, more wise, beautiful, she smiles a bloody smile, “Father, I‘ve missed you so much .”

•Fen’harel swallows down a sob, kneels before her, calms the anchor slightly, “My daughter, I suspect you have questions.”

•she lunges for him, wrapping her arms around his neck in the first hug he’s had since before he left her, “Father, I’ll never ask another question again if it means I can come with you.” He never heard her beg for anything, but she’s begging now. “Let me stay with you, Please never leave, not you, not again.”

•Fen’Harel was always weak when it came to his Da’Len. He carries his daughter through the eluvian, and together they’ll try to build a better future, for everyone.

[keyorden]

DND, Pathfinder, GLOG, other things

So, uptil now, I basically haven’t used this as anything more than a repost machine. Crazy, I know. However, I have gotten bored or insane enough to post my own bullshit here. Namely, classes from various tabletop games I play that i’ve made because I’ve been cursed to see beyond. Here is the first one. ScapeGoat (GLOG, specifically Rat-On-A-Stick) Everyone knows scapegoats are necessary evils. Sacrificing a goat or other harvest to take the evils of the area is a simple,thoughtful and even necessary action every now and again. However, sometimes a goat isn’t enough. A few poor souls, by poor fate or unlucky selection, are forced to bear the burden of those around them. Most simply perish in unfortunate but amusing accidents. A select few do manage to muster, and find some measure of power in their new unluck. At least until a bathtub falls on their head. Backgrounds 1: Divine A: A god has cursed your lineage, and you bear the curse. Gain the curses skill, and the enmity of a minor god.B: A botched baptism along with a magical mishap made you. The Priest was extremely embarrassed. You can act/be treated as a member of the monk/nun with a bit of effort, and you are literate for the purposes of religious text. C: Your curse is the result of extremely intense blasphemy. Gain the religion skill, and one local church/monastery who despises you. 2: Cult A: A cult kidnapped you as a child and forced all the bad karma they accumulated onto you. Gain the Cult and Religion skill, start with a fear of secret organizations, as well as members of a cult after you B:  You have made a great sacrifice, and all those in your cult thank you, though you can no longer be apart of them. Start with 1d10 extra silver, and once ever you may ask a favor from your former cult C: Your cult worships tris-kaid-kaph(e), the minor god of unluck. Gain the Cult skill and their favor.3:Unluck 3: Weirdness A: You can’t remember if you intended for the ritual to go that badly, but it did. Oh well. Start with 1d13 sp worth in ritual supplies and the Rituals skill B: You have no idea when this started happening, you were just a normal farmer dammit. You may start with the farmer, shepherd, or otherwise applicable skill. Start with 1d6 farm animals and 1d13 family members who wish you would come back home. C: It is remarkable that you were so monumentally unlucky with games of chance that you attracted this much bad karma. Gain the Unlucky Gambler skill (You can never use this to win a jackpot or a single game yourself). Gain 1d13 gold and 1d13 plat in gambling debts from far away. They probably won’t catch you.Starting equipment: Some small chance related trinket (Dice, kuncklebones, cards, ect.) 1 patched up set of leather armor, 1 dagger that is going to break at anytime. TEMPLATE A; Karmic Attraction

B: Experienced Incompetence C: Curse of the Unlucky, Balanced Attraction D: Reversal of Fortunes. A: Karmic Attraction: The forces of Unluck and Inconveniences are forever attracted to you. Whenever an ally in 10ft fails a roll, you may choose to take on their bad luck. They are considered to have barely succeeded, and you take that dice. You may have up to {Template} dice stored this way. At any time you would roll a dice of the same size, you may use that (Sum). If you do not do this in {Template} hours, the GM may declare you critically fumble a roll you make, and this removes a dice. Whenever an ally critically fumbles, you must use this, and they only fail instead of critically fumble. B: Experienced Incompetence: Keep track of your failures. Everytime you fail at a kind of roll, gain an experience. (For example, missing with a sword, rolling one of your stats, Saving from posion, ect.) Starting at 4, then 8, 16, 32 ect. When you fail that kind of roll, you can gain a minor benefit. Examples are Still doing {Template} dmg with a missed attack, taking 1 less damage, giving an ally a benefit on their next roll of the same kind, ect.C:  Curse of the unlucky. At any time, you can force a creature to Save vrs unluck. If they fail, you may force them to use any amount of stored dice in whatever order you choose on their next rolls of that dice.You automatically fail on as many next rolls as you force them to take. This may not work on truly blessed or lucky creatures. Balanced Attraction: Your range for Karmic Attraction extends to 60ft. When you take a critical fumble, your ally now barely succeeds instead. D: Reversal of Fortunes. With concerted effort, you throw enough bad forces together and come out with something good. After activation, you can use your stored dice to replace allies rolls. You store any dice you replace in this way. You have {Stored Dice}*2 rounds to do this. After the duration expires, Roll on whatever magic user list you have, then roll {Dice used + 1} D6’s to check for mishaps and dooms from your random list. Every time you use this feature again, add an extra 2 dice to this roll. This resets each day. https://coinsandscrolls.blogspot.com/2019/10/osr-glog-based-homebrew-v2-many-rats-on.html Link is for the basis. Technically what i’m playing is a hack of that hack, and this class is for that game, buttttt whatever

[recklessmoon]

nein starters ( part one !)

Taken from Defade’s translations of the Nein album from Sound Horizon! Some of the lyrics may be dark natured, so take care of yourself if you’re bothered by certain lines. Feel free to change anything to accommodate to make something transition well!  Enjoy! 

( Part two –– ! ) 

The Miniature Garden within the Cage

“My Lord, I am very fearful of sleep…”

“The moment I became self-aware, I questioned myself with no forewarning…”

“When I wake up am I really the same person as who I was when I went to sleep?”

“A limited period of sleep is but a short moment of death…”

“And a long-lasting death is simply eternal slumber…”

“One day, I became incapable of sleep…”

“And you have disappeared…but why is that?”

“For what purpose…was I born?”

“Let’s turn these shining starry skies into song…”

Poem of the Nameless Woman

“Oh…please take me along; don’t leave me behind.”

“What was the thing he really wanted to defend?”

“Woah, so I heard this from the guy at the flour mill, but apparently our boss just has no luck with the ladies at all. And that drove him nuts until he snapped and kidnapped some girl, is that true?”

“…crap, it IS true!?”

“Oh, you’re awake!”

“I found you passed out in the forest near the water mill, so I carried you all the way here.”

“Guess what, you’re in luck! Come now, no need to be polite! Just eat up! We’ve got enough bread to sell!”

“I mean, it is a bakery!”

“Just leave me be!”

“I would’ve continued my journey, even if I had to crawl on all fours…”

“What a cold-hearted [woman/man/ect] I am, but…Is it so wrong to wish for day to day happiness?”

“All’s well ends well.”

A World Connected through Food

“Where does the life begin and fade away?“

“How nasty!”

“Go away!”

“[S/he/ect] had a wonderful smile, gentle like the moon”

“Oh look, [s/he/ect]’s here! Everybody’s favorite ‘good [girl/boy/ect]’!”

“It’s okay, don’t listen to them.”

“Oh look,[s/he/ect]’s like a prince charming!

”Let’s tell everyone about this!” 

“But [s/he/ect]’s my prince charming…”

 “Hey…stop it!”

“…you’re such a pain!”

“‘Oh look, [s/he/ect]’s helping out that stupid child, what an angel [s/he/ect] is!’ - That’s supposed to be your only purpose - to make me look good…”

“So can you stop using that [ <stupidly curvy body of yours> / insert something else here! ]  to seduce my beloved, you ugly bitch?”

“Don’t think too much and get carried away!”

“Oh…what a deceitful, sickening world.”

“After that I lost all faith in humanity and closed off my heart and lived on”

“I was finally able to think that true love exists, and so does fate!”

“Let us live on in happiness!”

“But in the end….nothing good ever comes out of life…”

“You never wished for your birth?”

“Ah I have lived, ah, I have lived...”

“But even then, I simply wished for you to smile until the very end…”

“You were…here!? You were…laughing!!!”

“I am living, and I am being kept alive.”

“Darling…”

“You’re looking pretty healthy today.”

Words that Could not be Said

“What did the words possibly tell the partners who have different subjectivity?”

I won’t cry anymore, for spring will come again…

“Shit, I can’t let it end here! I need to get back…my [son/daughter/child]!”

Amidst these empty seasons…I closed myself off…

“Are you alright?”

“Hold on, we’re all here for you.”

“Kind people shed tears for me, but they could not share in the color of my loneliness.”

“If you ever run into trouble, come to me.”

 “Just take it slow.”

“The sound of the evening waves is very much like sadness…”

“I was left behind without a chance to say goodbye.”

“I’ll try believing, once again!

“Because of you, I was able to find hope!”

“I just can’t bear it anymore…”

“Is that a burden so heavy…that I cannot share in?”

To Turn Hatred into a Bouquet

“Is it really that the hatred creates only hatred?”

“Why!? Answer me…why!”

“We even swore eternity with each other…”

“It’s true! Humans can change themselves any time, over and over again.”

“That’s why….no matter how terrible you feel at the moment you should never give up on [  your own potential / future ]  !”

“I knew from one glance that [s/he/ect] was a [woman/man/ect] with a few screws loose. But I couldn’t take my eyes off her vibrant existence”

“It must be fate! For the two of us to meet at this popular cafe.”

“To commemorate this day, I’ll give this rose bouquet that I don’t need anymore!”

“Oh, but please give whatever’s inside back to me~”

“There’s enough bitterness in life already”

“Oh why…why does nothing ever work out in life?”

“That’s right, I’m the one at fault here…”

"I’m sorry…I’m sorry…I’ll be a good [girl/boy/child/ect]…”

“What a cocky newbie!”

“So I teased [her/him/them/ect] endlessly with lots of love ♥

“Before I knew it, I found myself swept up by [her/his/their/ect] pace…”

“It must be fate! I don’t find myself hating you anymore!”

“Really!? You wanna go out with me, then?”

“Sure! …just kidding, not gonna happen~hahaha~!”

“But that’s a story for another time!”

“Thank you for your donation!”

“The days you’ve [<endured suffering>/[lived through] ] aren’t for nothing!”

“But why is it…that humans cannot escape from the cage of prejudice?”

“By the way, that dress of yours is wonderful!”

[strawberry-siren]

every FREAKING day i make a day about how i’m freaking out, but i’m going to live or whatever. like i chose not to kill myself. but there really is no point. like there’s not. even if i go to a mental hospital, they really suck and they abuse patients, act like patients are infantile, like they’re not human. I don’t even have insurance, so the sheer price of that would mess up any chance i would ever have of making money or even just like…living–even if i wanted to. i dont even think treatment would be helpful. i dont think drugs would really help either.

i’ve tried weed before, and that’s the drug that everyone is always like “omg man weed totally takes away my anxiety.” no. weed literally did nothing to my sad and anxious thoughts. all it did was make me act completely spacey and waste time. i’ve heard from my friends that anti-depressants just make them feel empty. like just honestly whats the point of living and feeling empty? i did that for like a year to cope. i would just repress any emotion. i guess i lived another year. but it’s also like whats even the point. you’re not happy. you’re not anything. what’s the point of living like a zombie? like talk therapy wouldnt help because i’m not going to change….. i’ve had so many different therapists and it just really doesn’t do much… 

i should just go to church and follow their stupid rules because my family does and at least they would stop being mad at me and they could feel like they’re saving me even if church has no purpose. church honestly just makes me feel a million times worse and it is boring and kind of a waste of time for me. but, then they could be those people who talk about their reformed lesbian sister and how she found god and got her life together and is happy ! :-) i love sex and my sexuality, but it’s true that i’ve never even been in a real relationship. it’s not like relationships can save you… 

here’s another thing: ultimately everything is a two way road. people are not obligated to put up with me. i am draining. i am exhausting. i am boring. therefore i attempt to impose myself on people the least amount i can. but also i have poor impulse control, so i attempt to make friends despite this innate desire to minimize myself. it sucks though because relationships will never be permanent. there will never be a relationship that spans your lifetime. friends will leave. it’s just a fact of life. 

society itself doesn’t lend itself well to me. i grew up in an abrasive (and abusive) environment. i didn’t learn how to keep things to myself–or rather i recognized that you are supposed to keep all to yourself, and i fail at it. i burden people with my feelings far too often. like in some classes i might seem like the student who doesnt care, or in others, i am the student that makes too many comments or tries to talk about things they dont really grasp. I’m really just trying my best. but i know im stupid. im saying too many things. im saying wrong things. since i’m failing two of my classes, i just stopped going to them. so i go to art history, i feel stupid, i go home and cry. then on tuesdays and thursdays i go to theater and i try my best, but i feel untalented. i go home and i cry. 

because i’m just full of self-pity. no one wants a victim. i act haughty, i am narcissistic. but i am full of the exact opposite as well. i am one who is constantly at war with myself. i realize this is not a rare phenomenon though. 

like how can you want to live in a society where you’re wrong. In conservative circles, I’m wrong because of my desire and action upon my lesbianism. In liberal circles, I’m wrong because lesbian is a label that’s restrictive. Why aren’t you just Q****? let us call you q****. Don’t doubt that you can one day be attracted to men!

Artists are nothing. A dime a dozen. My art is meaningless. It’s all been done. Everyone wants something revolutionary.

 everything is dominated by men. my eyes are so open. from the smallest way we do things. how women give birth. names babies have. EVERYTHING was made by men. my chair. modern architecture. why i wear makeup. what my makeup is made out of. it’s all men. and i really do love individual men. i feel like a lot of men don’t realize things. but like it cant be ignored. it is a fact of life. until we completely remake our society, it exists to be hostile to me. and why should society conform to me…one person. 

im a sex object. im sexually repulsive. im fat. ugly. im beautiful. im cute. im the center of the universe. i’m purity– was virginity. im “dirty” now. a crumpled dollar bill. i am sex. im lust. im whatever label i prescribe to. im whatever label others project onto me. im all– i’m nothing. 

everything is utterly, utterly meaningless. words are words, meanings are meanings. “how nihilistic. how pessimistic” one may say. i suppose it’s true. nihilism can give a meaning to life. an inspiration to just let the forces of the world happen to you until you die. but it’s also i’m constantly feeling the weight of the world on me. the world that ultimately ignores me. 

“this is why you need god.”a god is a comforting notion to those faced with the uncertainty of death. i feel a god would not be so cruel. this notion of cruelty. why should a god care about humans. it’s the same hierarchical structure men have put me in– no thank you. not that i completely blame men. women could have done things. but men and women alike are selfish. why should straight women truly care about lesbians–they dont. no one truly cares. they do what makes them seem progressive. they perform. the worlds a stage and all that. we entertain ourselves, but for those who cannot find entertainment or arent forced to just spend their time working– those who must be confronted with their very existence, thoughts, ideas, ect. well no one cares. it’s all ultimately self-serving. 

everything you think. everything you do. it’s all for yourself. you may say “oh i do service for others!” well in the context of a church think about this. you do it because it will grant you favor with your god. it will give you the satisfaction that you are in a position above someone that you’re taking your time to “serve” them. Are you really doing this out of selflessness? 

There are

“Dont help panhandlers signs in utah. People ive talked to about this have been like “well there’s so much welfare available, there’s really no need to give them money because they’re just going to spend it on drugs.” as if drugs aren’t a cycle. as if being poor–being homeless is your own failure. not the failure of a society that lets people die. that lets people believe all the money you have– you’ve earned. I got money from my dad’s IRA when he died. Did I earn this? Because he worked until he died at 59, two and a half years ago. If it was my wage for how he raised me, the emotional labor I gave him, it was not enough money. If it’s just money because he worked his entire life, I didn’t earn that. Parents no longer even really hold up the “nuclear family” myth. I dont deserve this money. I deserve nothing. No one owes me anything. It would just be better to die than to continue taking up space and time of others. I am utterly unhelpful to society in general, personally, and as a whole. I will not contribute children. I will not bring joy to others. My art will achieve nothing. 

I am a commodity, an object. A Worker. Within my church, I was supposed to find a man to love and serve. To bear his children. To preach of God. In this regard, I am also useless. There is truly no point of my existence, and the world would truly be better without me.

[snapshots-of-the-young-egotist]

minute 13 -- ---------------------------- Notes to myself for future vids/daily docs. But I doubt I shall leave them here on this platform. Steem-it maybe.. As I've said before, I am strong. Yet at minute 13 the overwhelming fate of truly interacting, that true interaction-- will play out as well as my inner-action does. Inner action-going within is all to important. So this is imperative for proof. I must show and therefore will. I have chosen to do this in case anyone who has seen similar videos can understand that this is something to make a case of. This is something that should be a focal point of many discussions pertaining to the elite, who the elite is, how they operate ect. When you hear stuff and read stuff about Monks fighting in other dimensions or anything similar, exactly what is being fought? Who are they fighting? As beautiful as Earth appears, who's the real artist of this canvas? Why does the light from Sirius shine brighter than even than the light of Venus? When you wake up in a world where you are required to make transactions from anything outside of a pen and paper. We are living during a time when cable wires no longer suffice, but there is still the a world-wide impairment that is much more important than any new app, or technological advancement. It is unfair of every single government, both foreign and domestic, and that doesn't change depending on what country you are in. When you wake up to an America where one of richest men in all of america's entire history becomes the presidential candidate and then everything he does four a 4year period is paid for from money of the citizens. The man who has chosen to prey on the ignorance of people who perpetuate it with combined efforts of innocence and intent. To build a wall and forget about tunnels. Wake up! Nobody of either side of the aisle stopped it from occurring, to the the point that it did occur. . To the point that certain people from different states begin to release similar statments from the same republican party, and also a few from the democratic party who would have liked to have run, but didn't. These people who were educated into their positions, then elected into their positions realized that they were just not as publicily known. So that lack of faith in themselves, and the faith that others would rather vote in another direction, decided for them that they could not win. The statements along the lines of, "God told me to run for President." When you look around and see what is evident, you will clearly see that it is all a consequence of the misuse of power. The entire point of money and wealth heralds generations from mixed social classes into an artificial future where intelligence is becoming more and more diluted. There is so much overthinking and that is disempowering when it divides action from being permitted. It's not like these improvements that should have already been improved can't be done. That idea is wrong, because the improvements can be met. Whether there are sanctions and treaties in the way of certain relations between foreign entities should matter only After the global epidemic of poverty and disease have been erradicated. It is difficult in these days to talk like this, and feel like this and have a deep resonating desire to just do nothing but talk about this. It is really difficult to bear. In the same way people will say that what I talk about and what I give my attention to is just conspiracy, I also feel that burden. It doesn't matter if it comes from friends family or strangers, to hear that is still like a burden on me. There are some who shoot me down and say, "wake up. Make money. Buy a very nice car with your money. Get into a relationship, you're beautiful, don't waste your youth on this." As endearing as that can appear, I am astute to my desires. As walt whitman put it, "Do I contradict myself? Very well then, I contradict myself. I am large, I contain multitudes." My future is bigger than the my own past and the past of my own family combined. I am in touch with reality, and I am in touch with my inner world. I am following a process that will enable me the password neccessary to unlock what's safely hidden from view now. Those same people I can love all day, but the truest form of love overshadows shallow emotions. I have noticed that people like to throw around whatever knowledge they can on the subjects which are archaic, but when it shows up in their life, it is too much and the subject is changed. Or there is laugher when the tone should be more serious. Or when offended, the tone is serious when it should be much softer. This is the yin and yang though. The masculine and the feminine and neither are completely isolated to a particular gender. We are already seeing gender roles changing very quickly. This week I'm going to post a few things and it is going to be about love,war, and power. They are all intertwined. Yet, there is always power in love. Such powerful love can fight off that which is threatening to love. •Greed is threatening to love. •Money is a threat to love. •Apathy is a threat to love. •Contentment is a threat to love. •Lack of Self discipline is a threat to love. •Depression is a threat to love. •Low self-esteem is a threat to love. •Mediocrity is a threat to love. _________________________ That all is issued world-wide. Doesn't matter if you speak Arabic, German, Russian, Dutch, Italian, French, Finnish--- It makes no difference what language because feelings are the underlying tone. Feelings are the most important identifiers which are proof that we are all here to help each other. Help each other in your world, your inner circle. Support. Support your family members. Support your friends. Support your co-workers. Support your own inner-world and whoever you have to see in that inner world is of importance. If you really are smarter than "the idiot" you work with, then prove it. Prove it by being helpful if you can, or by showing up and offering your support any way you can. Or by starting your own business. Nobody is perfect, but if your own mental health has fallen to the way-side, life can seem to be stagnant. Mental Health is imperative. I have felt like such a fool in the past, to share what Spirit has been sharing with me. Not necessarily because I felt like I was a fool--no those moments were fleeting bouts of Utter Mediumship. Meaning, deeply deeply I was feeling and recieving the thoughts of those who were tuned into my lines of transmission. If someone or some people brought my name up in a conversation I was absent during, that got back to me. Just as it gets back to every individual. Energy circulates. It doesn't just leave someones mouth and try to find a wall to stop at. It doesn't work like that. It does, however work in a way that it continues to travel. It travels and when it's picked up, it gets mixed with other energy. Then it leaves and goes off and changes again. Eventually, what you send out is brought back to you and vice-versa. That can be dangerous though, because sometimes what is sent out is so out of proportion from what is brought in. Do not be fooled though. Certainly, that which was released, shall come back inside. It might take no time at all. Or it might take a week, or a month, or several years, or a decade, but it is going to come back to where it came from. I just acknowledge that nobody is perfect, nor can anyone be on this earth. **Nobody has the exact same agenda either. Even if two artists are in a relationship for example, are they going to do all the exact same projects? Of course not. We all seek to maintain a certain degree of change, that operates in tandem with our true selves. So, afterall The times I was lowering my vibrations to adjust to those around me, It's like my spirit guides and Angels were all synchronistically saying, "stop it! Stop reducing yourself into fragments! It should not be done!" They were right, and I acknowledge that. I acknowledge that I wasted so much time smoking and toking and the occassional drink. Yet, how insulting to an inherited gift? So much so, that it couldn't be continued. This project is a basis for future generations. Anything ever rejected or sideswept, has come back on me tenfold-- so at the very least the thing Of importance would and could not be forgotten. The last time I spent so much time on myself, doubling every effort, was years ago. Before the heaviness of the truth broke through my heart like a dagger-turning that chakra wheel--the Spoken-filled and so opened. And for the longest time, I was using my head letting my heart be the only guide I'd need. However too much is to obstruct and that is not fair to this body. It is not fair to be obtusely open. Everything about trusting the process of completely becoming a better version is the only diversion now. The truth is found out, but taken in so deep. To really look and map out alignments. That is a proper adjustment. I can only go so far if My chakras are out of balance. I can only go so far, if I continue to stop and forgive what I know is violence. So that is through and harsh words can come through. In no time at all, when every chakra is in working order, not working to much, being too open. Nor working too little, and thus closed. No. Everything has changed. I like this word typing thing because I can write this and it looks so easy when it's written. But it was anything but easy. It's anything but easy to demand respect when it is supposed to already be there. The perpetual ignorance I am done with giving allowances to those who don't even PHYSICALLY TRY. Therefore, I am done done allowing it to come Physically into my life. Psychic attacks they are one thing and personal attacks are another. Mental Health is The Basis. The Basis: Rather than bases. That's where the whole conspiracy shall begin to be dissected, because the basis is the premise for all of this dis-entanglement. Where I am from, this is ghastly. So there is myself, and a few others who are hidden from view. I can hold a lot of light and still, wouldn't mind an extra prayer or two. This kind of work takes up so much energy. It was important to break this down and repeatedly go through it. Repeating experiences that are "the same thing." Clairvoyance Seems so sweet and everything would be roses and butterflies-- no. It's is literally painful, and if I am either too open, it is to give freely, too many allowances for Particular people. So then, it is imperative that I am clean and eat clean and sleep clean. So that my own matrix field is recalibrated accordingly. So that my aura can extend and be as bright as it needs to. So that I can be on several planes at once, just by sitting in a room. So that is always an adjustment. This is real and I make no more apologies because this was the biggest part of my earth mission. I must be tuned in to recieve the transmissions. The opposite of fear is love, ehich is why I was lucky enough to incarnate with my Twin-Flame. It is quite unusual, and the relationship alone, without a meeting is already so powerful. The union is confusing and only after the recognition and meeting can we really get down to business. Yet, to hold such a vison is too damaging if it stops one or the other for living. As reclusive as I have become, I have been slowly stopping that, because that experience is not just mine alone, and that is the impact. This celestial obligation, to act so that we can interact. Oy vey, is the most I can say for now.

[politicaltheoryexplained-blog]

Liberals and Conservatives: A Tale of Two World Views

I thought long and hard about what to start this blog off with. But, really, there was only one thing to start with, and it had to be perhaps one of the most intriguing articles I’ve read in recent memory. It was an article entitled ‘Why Rural America Voted For Trump.’ The central premise of the article was that, at their core, Liberals and Conservatives approach issues from two separate places. Liberals view people as innately good, whereas Conservatives believe people are innately bad. In the Liberal mind, you don’t need to teach people to be good, they are already good; you simply need to give people the tools they require and they will do well. Conservatives believe that you don’t need to teach people to be evil, they already know how to do that; you need to teach them how to be good so that they can get the tools and use them properly, rather than squander them. 

If you’re like many, the above paragraph likely induced some kind of eye roll or sigh of annoyance at one of the two positions stated above. Most likely you thought something akin to ‘ugh, they don’t get it.’ It’s a way of thinking that many people ascribe to, and that’s not unnatural. As a graduate of history, I can say that humanity has always said that people who don’t agree simply don’t get it. Yet this dismissive attitude does little to actually fix the problems, or make anyone agree. For to get compromise, to work together, both sides must understand where the other side is coming from. 

Allow me to begin with a bit of background. I myself normally ascribe to more liberal ideologies on many things. I consider myself to be fairly open minded, and I come from a relatively well off family, all things considered. Yet at the same time, I didn’t grow up in the suburbs of a big city; I grew up in a small town with less than ten thousand people, in the foothills of the Appalachian mountains. When my parents moved to my small town when I was around four, there were only three thousand people in my town; by the time I left, there were about fifteen thousand, and a majority of those people only arrived within the last few years of my living there. 

It was a very different world, and a very conservative one. For many of the people I went to school with, the local church was also the community center, both spiritually and physically. Everyone knew each other, and everyone knew what was going on. I spent a lot of time surrounded by the Future Farmers of America, or the FFA kids, as we called them. I remember going to high school and seeing kids pull up in pickup trucks with dead animals in the back because they were hunting before school, and seeing their parents show up to take the animals out of the trucks for them. I also remember that, by the time I graduated, many of these things had disappeared. 

So suffice it to say, I’ve spent a lot of time buried in the conservative mentality, and it’s because of this that I don’t entirely agree with the premise that the author of the New York Times article above presents. In it, things are as simple as figuring out whether you think people are innately good or innately evil. A simple and effective metaphor, but it doesn’t exactly work. People by and large, don’t care about such metaphysical concepts when it comes to policy. And since this is about understanding both sides of the aisle, we must come up with a more rational explanation. 

The real difference and underlying separation between Liberals and Conservatives comes down to the two ideas on how to solve problems. A liberal would say that the thing that keeps people from achieving things is a lack of resources; therefore, giving people these resources will allow them to do things they otherwise couldn’t, and thus accomplish more. A conservative would say that the thing that keeps people from accomplishing more is a lack of necessity; that because necessity is the mother of invention, the way to get things to improve is to create situations where there are no other choices. 

A liberal would point to the many social programs that help people get out of poverty, and the people who then go on to do great things because of it. The line of argument is something along the lines of ‘if you lift people up, they can do great things.’ A conservative would point to the many, many success stories of people who suffered when they were younger only to use that as motivation to succeed, arguing that rather than trying to lift everyone up and not knowing which will actually succeed, it’s better to let people rise on their own accord. It’s essentially the teach a man to fish or give a man a fish scenario. 

But before we break down each worldview, let’s point out on thing: Both sides want the same thing. In the end, both liberals and conservatives believe that what they are doing is right, and that it will help people. It’s easy to categorize those that don’t believe what you do as mustache-twirling evildoers, looking to oppress everyone who isn’t like them. The reality is, in terms of policy, most issues come down to a core difference in how a result is to come about. That isn’t to say that there aren’t plenty of racist/homophobic/sexist/ect policy makers out there, because there are, but when we’re talking broad, all encompassing policies, most of them fall into this core difference of what drives success. 

Let’s start with the Liberal position. Most liberals would characterize themselves as being more ‘open minded’ or ‘charitable’ than their conservative counterparts, as they believe that things like education should be funded, that things like healthcare should be a right and not a privilege, that things like ones sexual or romantic preference should be decided by the individual. At the core though, the basic idea behind all of this is that, once people have these things and don’t need to worry about them themselves, they can then focus their efforts on more productive things, and thus the cycle becomes beneficial to everyone. The person who doesn’t have to worry about not having healthcare can then save money and invest it, thus growing the economy. The person who can get easy access to education can then go on to invent new things and become a part of America’s growing educated labor market. Yes, the cost of raising people up in the short term requires higher taxes, but in the long term it will mean more people paying taxes, and that offsets the cost. It’s the idea behind immigration reform; naturalizing people has the effect of having more people paying taxes, which means more people paying into healthcare, which means after a point, taxes go down because more people are paying them. 

Now, let’s look at the Conservative position. A conservative would say that you don’t need universal healthcare. Why? Because in the conservative view, the reason healthcare costs are so high is because too many people are using them when they don’t need to. Training people to only go when they need to means healthcare costs go down, because companies have to remain competitive. If people don’t use their services, then they can’t stay in business. Thus, in order to remain competitive, prices have to drop to meet the lowered demand. Things like the minimum wage aren’t needed, because if people can’t afford to live, then they can’t buy products. If they can’t buy products, companies can’t keep people employed. Therefore, it is in a company’s best interest to pay employees what they can. Take the idea of abortion. What’s the point of blocking abortions? Simple, it stops people from having children they can’t afford, by encouraging them to not have sex. Simply put, the conservative view is that actions should have consequences, and those consequences are what motivates and discourages people from doing things that aren’t in their self interest. After all, if they want things, they need to work for them; if they don’t want certain outcomes such as having a child, then they shouldn’t take the risk of sex. 

It’s entirely counter to the liberal view that one should always seek to provide for worst case scenarios. Instead, says the conservative view, people should expect consequences for actions, and that will make them more careful, more prudent, and plan more before taking actions. The liberal view would counter and say that, no matter how much planning one does, that bad things will always happen, and that there should be things in place to account for that. The conservative view would counter by saying that if they were planning, then the would already have accounted for that, and if not, then it’s the individual’s fault, and it shouldn’t be up to others to bear the burden. 

Of course, which side you think is “right” or “wrong” will come down entirely to who you are as a person, and what ideas you believe in. As I said in the beginning, I’m of a more liberal mindset myself. Yet the fact remains that, for much of America, the idea that the best way to improve things is to create a need for people to improve things is embedded in the culture. In order to bridge the gap, in order for each side to understand the other, it has to be put in terms that make sense. 

Granted, this won’t fix every problem. But in a country where each side seems to be speaking different languages, we need to be able to at least understand the mindset of the other side before we can hope to convince each other of our positions.