snapshots-of-the-young-egotist

[snapshots-of-the-young-egotist]

At the point of transition where I have yet to go back to my old job. I know I need to go back just off of principle and justice. . Even if my return is as brief as a month or two. . But after one big decision, the universe opened all of these other possibilities and too many options is confusing to me. The thing about confusion though, is I’m not actually confused. My confusion comes only when I consider how the equation would look if I were to consider another person in the trajectory of my own life and decisions. The world is already a scary place. To go through such a life changing event without knowing it and being alone is so painful and scary for me. Im so scared of what my future could hold.

in my youth I admired this quote.. “Think and act ten years ahead”

and I still admire it, but it houses a different sentiment these days.

These are all consequences of my accident in August. I think it was an ischemic stroke, but I have yet to determine the distant severity. . I showed up to work several days after my accident, unable to move my fingers, entire left arm paralyzed, unable to form full sentences without stuttering, or lacking terms that should’ve been easy to remember. . Then, are the mental incapacities that did prevent me from actually articulating the words that I could see, but was just completely unable to verbalize. I show up to work and explain what happened, and it induces tears. I know now I was crying because I was kind of devastated by it all.. but it mattered not! Because when you come into work, you check your problems at the door! And if you can’t or it’s going to prove dangerous to yourself or others do so, you should tell someone! So I did. I told all of my bosses at once and the operations manager who could be GM now but idk.. work says, “thanks for letting us know! Our departments slow today, so you will be a runner for this concourse.. also, we’re not going to tell any other leadership about what happened to you! We want you to do alll of the work for us, and for yourself… and then also others!!”

And that was the way of things for ole’ LP.

Also consequences of inactions by others- and the scale of any sort of reasonable accommodations were completely out of question.. both at home, (to a certain existent) but more so ,the most surprising thing to come out my accident is the expectations set at work that I absolutely needed to be somewhat lower.. but at no point did anyone that I’ve spent years working with stop and give me time to recover. No one stopped and said, “Hey, why is this walking liability who doesn’t have the dexterity between her two hands to even tie her shoe or pick up her badge, excuse me, how is she out on the floor instead of fulfilling another role for the company because this is dangerous? Not just dangerous for her, but also dangerous to any child or passenger she comes into contact with and is expected to assist?”

Lol no one ever said anything like that. Not one Soul that I either worked for, under, or around. So, during a personal experience of not knowing if I’d ever regain feeling or mobility in my arms and hands and fingers- I was expected to maintain all of the responsibilities of my job. You guys! I’ve spent the past five years taking care of people of aren’t able to operate their bodies or minds in their fullest capacity without being assisted. . The nicest people were several.. none that I ever really spoke with prior to the accident.. the first was a girl who I actually prayed for as I was getting dressed for work. It was only really after several last minute attempts to force my fingers to suddenly regain dexterity.. instead, all I wound up doing, was hit myself in the face. Repeatedly lol with each try to pull my hair into a ponytail. Each time it happened that morning, it made me laugh at first, because how could I ever forget something so serious! & So quickly too! So, this happened and then it happened again and again- and each time it was funny for a second.. but then that very serious tone of things would come back. The question of whether or not I’d ever be able to take care of myself or even dress myself. It was really hard for me to show up to work but I did.

-It was the first morning I’d be returning to work since my accident, when a tsa officer -helped me put on my jacket because I was unable to do so.

at the end of August, I had an accident after dancing one night. I came home after work and was warming up my body but fell asleep. When I woke up I had an accident that cause me to be suddenly unable to move my hands. I went to bed and then went to work without being able to move my hands and this was the scariest feeling I’ve felt in my life. I didn’t know how long i would be in such a state of being.

All year, prior to this accident at the end of August, I also suffered front what seems most like symptoms of MS. - which restricts your ability to move at all. Even when you want to or really need to because a floor supervisor is still yelling at you after you’ve already explained that you literally can’t move.. but then the HR rep only supports you in a room with your manager in it and at no point does she actually do anything humane to help you- like present you with FMLA paperwork.. but that’s the thing. No one wants to do their job all of the time. Or even some times.

The thing about jobs, is that we have to reserve parts of our personality to some extent… but then sometimes we stay in that energy. I’m no longer in that energy. I know I’ve been around people who can register my intelligence without needing to see proof hanging around my neck that says, “manager” . I love my job. Or loved it. Being able to work around children has been a dream of mine and it came to fruition for a while. I want to return to work or to switch to the airlines. School was the only reason I’ve yet to make that move.

one thing about me that apparently surprises people is what their version of me compared to the experience of what my energy IS like. Energy can’t lie in person. It rearranges itself to form various pictures for all of the viewers, but it doesn’t lie. So whoever is at the base of the energetic exchange, those two individuals may be more inclined to feel what each others energy IS, rather than what it looks like.

so maybe after I finally send this email, I will not have to send another one… but come on guys, it’s me ✨ I’m never going to do what’s expected of me if there’s some kind of interference within a situation where justice was not offered or even considered. I’m very considerate, and at times my consideration is too thoughtful of others instead of towards myself. That’s why I am where I am now. If I had been considerate enough to point out flaws or basic issues with my bosses or people in positions of authority, I would have fostered immediate change. I’ve supported people in the complete absence of finding their support for me. It’s totally okay. I don’t care to get anyone in trouble- no matter how irresponsible their judgment calls were. That’s a main reason why I would be fine speaking to someone at even corporate, rather than scale the ladder of positions first, as they want employees to do. I considered that, but immediately noted that if I were to do that, I’d have to include how every department failed to communicate between each other. At the end of the day, it’s not up to one or two individuals to communicate. There are resources that could be used for better communication but in the absence of those resources, we just have our own emotions to control or steer the direction; outcome; and point of view of others who are brought Into the picture.

[snapshots-of-the-young-egotist]

Reality will always bite Because reality is Only people Random people Reality is only Documented laws That exceed A billion words That span hallways That are hidden from The publics view Reality becomes eschewed In a single amendment Reality is only opinion The Real allies of time Cross the threshold Of different Chakra Points Of the most similar paradigms Where is the parrallel realm devised? Outside of our own minds

Austen Sendek petitioned With an honorable request To make the International System of Units Make

10^27 A “Hella” Meter The measurement

Rather than leave it As is (@ 1 Octillion) this college kid Found, Since the diameter Of the universe is 1.4 hellameters (stretched) Those whom are earthbound Could refer to the Astral universe As “Hella Big”

But those whom are in power Turned off such a switch However, I am always going to honor the kid.

He’s just as enlightened And being younger, More fit So I trust in the creativity rather than closed minds Of naivety Because math can be standard or it could be expanded In exponential form Equations are more easily handled With less thoughts And thus less minding So with the rolling years Come more entanglement I’d rather use easier forms of conversion Than be lead by old minds who operate through an outdated version

[snapshots-of-the-young-egotist]

I want to edit this again and I will fix it to say what I left out

He’s not who you think he is. Be careful.

Hardly anyone is who others think they are. Especially when an allotment of time passes without being on speaking terms with the person in question. Hope that answers your question. 💗

Edit: People are capable of more than they know, and this may sway in a positive direction or negative direction.. So even the person in question may not have known who he was - but I guarantee he either knows now, or is on the verge of becoming who he always was! - but maybe hid from the world and the ways of the world- and the ways people of this world have made him feel.

the fastest way for a person to learn lessons- is through love and light. For even enduring the most difficult circumstances that aren’t beautiful by action, the source of the action is from sentiment- and that must be observed and taken into consideration. The love is definitely necessary- so it’s very necessary for the love to be from a source that is really made up of love- so that love can be given away in the right moments- without needing much To restore it back to full capacity.

like in very serious life moments.. you know the kind I’m referring to. . The moments where someone needs forgiveness. And to do that sometimes, when it feels disproportionate to the action(s) to be forgiven, it will probably feel like you’re giving up something because of it. . And this will probably make you sad- or very terribly soul crushingly sad and mad and angry and unseen. - as it should! you don’t like the feelings but would you seriously rather a body and mind that are cold and aloof from emotions coming or going? No feeling? That’s no way to live or be.

The body is smarter than the mind- and it’s especially quicker than the toungue. There are so many secrets to the body and the heart - and they are unlocked with divine keys- so here’s one:

your experiences cause you to be angry and when you’re angry and hurt, your body chemistry can change- so you could literally become a new person, and how so? How are we not responsible for how we feel about something? It is when We are being absent minded that we are not capable of being fully responsible. We are not directly in charge of the body mind no emotions all at once all of the time. So if we aren’t I even present for something, how could we be held liable when we weren’t even in attendance? We check in and out of this world. We check in and out with each other and ourselves. Thee are neurotransmitters for lots of stuff the average Souls go through. The meaner and colder a Soul can seem or appear, the colder they could want to appear- and this goes for men and women, we all do it. As we all reserve the right to. It’s easier for some to take an exam rather than different pre reqs and quizzes - and then still have to take the exam itself anyways—- so some souls would like to bypass this.. they are generally quick souls- deep souls- souls with emotional agendas - because they can live in their emotions and this can make such a person feel like they are a slave to their emotions.. what a terribly crushingly beautiful way to live. . It’s a beautiful letdown is what it is.

we all need more love. There is no question about that. we need to love ourselves first and foremost. So in order to make sure we have the best chances at success, we choose the most perfect Soul mates to come down and learn with. You’re teaching while you learn. Don’t forget that. Especially when it comes to settling scores with people in your life who live in their ego. Use what you need to- and discard the rest. That is my advice right here for some reason .maybe it will mean something to the author of the question.. or statement rather.

Your body loves you so much, it’s got so many ways to protect you and shield you from this harsh world you have to live in. It doesn’t matter if you’re rich but impoverished with low self esteem- whatever be the case- we are Al malnourished from something; that’s why we came down to the Earthplane in the first place! We missed something.. or some things.

maybe he’s not who is think he is. . But maybe you’re not who you think you are either! I love that for you. It’s a clean slate. So now everyone can try to be who they were always meant to become! ✨

[snapshots-of-the-young-egotist]

sometimes people who love you so much can be afraid of your light- they really cant quite believe it - even when it’s right in front of them- but be gentle with them- they aren’t waking with quite the same vision- - people may talk all day- but conversations are abundant and easy- and some visuals are just so rare and breathtaking - it could take a lifetime to understand why it touched you so.

[snapshots-of-the-young-egotist]

notes:

people will treat you how they see you. Or dilute it for the sake of company. So sometimes it is a good thing and other times not so much. Sometimes people only treat you well because you are in the shared company of someone they respect. So they dilute how they feel about you. It is done very simply. . But IYKYK.

so that’s always a pleasure to witness. I’m just speaking of this because I’m learning si many things so quickly and it’s all so much to digest. These are just points. Points to make later. At another time. After the experience of it all is finally digested.. and therefore transmuted.

what happens when you refrain from swaying from your center? From who you truly are? It is that energy of when you are being challenged- directly or indirectly. There is a real learning lesson for all Souls involved in these little challenges. That’s not the proper term and I hope that change it because it should be referred to as something else. I am unable to recall the word at the moment. So the gist of it all is about staying truer to yourself, rather than become a liar to someone else. Even if you think you love that person who challenges your truth, you must stay on the course- which your Soul would learn the easiest, the funnest, the happiest ways. Everything is just bigger when you choose yourself. I’m totally experiencing that right now and that’s why I am writing about it. its not quite me though. The stars have an impact on us - just as the tides - but celestial impacts are not for everyone. . Or so some believe. . But show them their chart! I think maybe it would blow their mind. So in that way, some things about this life are too mind blowing to believe. So sometimes we do believe and sometimes we dont. Did you ever look at life like an Adam Sandler movie? His movies are all about soul work! It’s very cool and nonchalant. To look at the Soul work in that way. Like in Billy Madison. Or any other movie.

I guess my gym time is just going to be 10 for a while.

[snapshots-of-the-young-egotist]

In the past month I have seen several old acquaintances.. and I’ve realized I am seeing old friends in places I’m just regularly in. So that alignment has been a bit sentimental for me this past month. In the strangest way, that energy carried over into this past week and I have had the most pronounced idea that I would see one more person completely at random. Sometimes time changes someone’s appearance that you’re familiar with… and sometimes, it’s not that. It’s the costume they aren’t in that you are accustomed to seeing them in. It’s not familiar.. and so they may be more or less familiar to you when you see them out of costume.

the thing is though, would you say hello to someone who you think you recognize? You know you look pretty close to how they normally see you- but what if you yourself aren’t too sure? Well I had a moment like that and it only just happened. So what’s absolutely wild to me, is when I receive these somewhat general feelings, or a certain persons image is imposed on me in such a particular way that I only remember it after I’ve run into that person! Idk . The universe is strange and people are strange. . I made plans to ask if it was who I thought it was but I stayed in my car for too long and I think the next opportunity I had (which was still very minuscule) I got so confused in the moment I literally forgot what I was doing.. or what I was going to say. So I didn’t say anything and neither did they- and they got into their car and drove off.. and I think I will be bothered by this until I ever see that person ( who I thought it might’ve been- but in real life) or am like on the other side lol. Idk it was so weird and I was excited that maybe my feelings were being cool enough to show me something cool. It doesn’t sound like it but I was prepared. I’ve heard that phrase by Jim about how it’s better to be “Pre-pre-pre-pared” so I really have been.. preparing for something and idk why I feel like this. Especially when there’s absolutely no reason to. One of the old projects I liked a few years ago was to prepare letters in case I saw someone on my mind. So the idea, is that if you randomly think of someone in particular or suddenly start thinking of a friend or loved one- all of a sudden or for a while without it letting up- it may be because that person and you are energetically connected and although your higher self knows this- your higher self is simply a figment of the imagination- you are the one actually in the drivers seat. So it’s your opportunity to learn more about the very nature of energy and communication. An opportunity to explore the bodies innate capacity to connect with a certain soul- even if you are disconnected from the idea of it entirely! Just as the body does lots of important work while we are asleep, the Soul does lots of work while we are awake! So the most authentic proof I can or could ever provide to someone that they were in fact on my mind, is to simply pull out a letter for them. I mean, maybe we will consider some of them notes rather than letters :) so if you’re around Charlotte and you see me, and I don’t say hello first- say something. . and I may just have a letter for you ✨

I’m going to surprise Stella with an evening at hornets nest park. She’s so much better with squirrels now!!

.. I think

[snapshots-of-the-young-egotist]

dear diary,

sitting at planet fitness and I have had some ideas come to mind. Old considerations revisited.

It took me like 45 mins to really get in. The guy at the desk is so nice tonight. couldn’t find any of my headphones so I got some at Harris teeter. Thought I could open things on my own. I was good until I needed to put the appropriate sized buds in my ears. Ugh. So cue the stress and tears before concluding I do in fact need help. So he helped me by putting them on for me.

the thing is though at one point I had to sync them to my phone.

so I’m back in the parking lot and a group of guys in an suv started to ask if I was someone - like said a girls name and I said no? Then the passenger had the audacity to ask my name and I said it doesn’t matter because I know you’re not looking for me- but they asked again.. so I said, I will answer your question if you do me a favor? “ held out the case of buds and I had one left that I had not been able to get out. He looked at me like I had a bomb in my hand and asked me what it was. I told him they were headphones and asked if he could help me and pull the last one out? And he laughed and I explained quickly why I needed help- which I actually have been very conscious to not do at night around certain places such as rozzelles ferry- or anywhere around sunset. But still he didn’t care. He laughed again and I said forget it- and walked away.

that’s the way of things and it’s cool.

it’s very fine and life goes on even though it’s humiliating. It matters until doesnt.

I think I’ll be here for a good while considering it’s first time I’ve had this much space to work with. Very happy about this.

considering doing a dance workout class-

in general I just know I want to teach classes and it can be very empowering for women around town to get in touch with their body..

maybe show a move or two to their husbands or significant others.

I’m capable of so many things and now I am so limited by the left side of my body- but I’m very pleased with my progress. I have to keep telling myself I can be patient. It’s okay to not get things the first time. As a single person, they’re quite a lot of things I’m going to be required to do on my own.

so maybe things that make me very happy are the very things I get to look forward to

[snapshots-of-the-young-egotist]

*Volume button is in top right corner*

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Considerations: Time is perceived by human beings as a way to measure the length of a moment. We want to place perimeters on the amount of “time” we have allotted to us for various things. For a day, we are given 24hrs- and when the sun returns to us, we say, it’s a new day. So we continue to break down our time incrementally. If we wish to measure a lot of time at once, we use terms such as years, months, decades, centuries.. and some of us remember that time is absolutely not linear.. and we gravitate towards those things which we know ourselves to be familiar with..

*two clocks set to the same time

im not in the business of making attempts to change any Minds. A nice lesson to remember is that work is important- but it is not everything, Sometimes, the Soul work involves playtime. Or finding moments to play in the delightful life you’ve created this time around. Look at the soulmates around you! Out of all of the soulmates to have with you in a lifetime, look at who is around you! What are you learning? What have you been taught by these people? Soulmates know you- they will push your buttons.. they will be exactly who they need to be in order for all involved to learn lessons they desire to learn. t

[snapshots-of-the-young-egotist]

“And a hug in a dream was sufficient.. Until I was walking with the same vision”