#this is some messed up shit lmao but there's no point me not being honest

[artisticxlly]

Kamomedai vs Karasuno; My thoughts

Yet ANOTHER long post about it, so I can get my thoughts onto digital paper. This will be heavily focused on Hiruhoshi, as announced lol

I'm also going to limit this to thoughts I think are less common/more worth mentioning (also for the sake of keeping this at an acceptable length lmao)

---

Both of them giving each other props, yet not really directly lol. Very cute

Him not liking the nickname the immovable is fair, but when it comes to Hinata it does fit thematically. As in: I'm not going to move just because you're flailing around a bait in front of me. This is said in a panel but I'm saying it anyways. Also, in my eyes, it contrasts Hoshiumi, who is undeniably fast and adaptable.

It's definitely an interesting point that Sachirou makes about not being phased by Hinata's antics, but I think that he also will straight up not look at Hinata with the intention of frustrating him. He makes straight eye contact with Tanaka while blocking his hit (which is terrifying) but when Hinata is in front of him his eyes stay purely focused on the ball. Ignoring the Karasuno's decoy, jeez. Takes some skill.

What did I say? Words of affection are out, words of defamation are in!

I love that this is something uniquely Hoshiumi and Sachirou get, when directed at one another. Jabs and honest observations aren't interpreted as insults to them.

Actually, if we take that and look at Sachirou's backstory, it makes sense? In two possible ways, actually. For one, he wouldn't feel insulted by someone pointing out his mistakes because duh, that is engrained in his mind anyway. His whole perspective was about finding the places where he lacked, finding the reason for his mistakes and fixing them. It's not a surprise to him, neither is it untrue. He isn't proud of mistakes but he won't deny them either.

But also, it shows just how much he took Kourai's advice. The whole philosophy of things not being so serious, that failure or diverging from a path isn't a death sentence. Mistakes aren't a total evil, so pointing them out shouldn't be an insult, either. It doesn't matter if they happen, but perhaps what they can do to improve upon it.

Either way, them not sugar coating things is so romantic you don't understand /hj (also anyone who ISNT them won't understand because they didn't witness their first 'on screen' interaction)

I'm totally not crying about Asa and Kourai watching volleyball games together while he was still little, nuh-uh.

Also Asa being a 'tough-love' mom is both sweet and just makes a WHOOLE lot of sense to me. Kourai takes after her a lot, I'd say. The bluntness, yet it's all out of care. "I will tell you when you're being an idiot, it's not only because you are but also because I care for you" is a sentiment that happens with both of them! Asa's is a sillier one, telling Kourai and Akitomo to play outside, and with Kourai stopping Sachirou from hurting himself and telling him to quit, while STILL handing him wipes to clean his knuckles. Ugh, that shit just kills me /pos

I love this conversation between Asa and Kourai a lot, but here's a thought: Despite how Sachirou's perspective is painted as 'harmful' in his backstory, it actually wouldn't be bad advice for Kourai in this point in time. "If you didn't win, you messed up somewhere. You didn't work hard enough" is too harsh, sure, but it's pretty much what Asa says, too. Hard work can overcome challenges that we might refrain from because they simply seem impossible to overcome, or failure seems inevitable.

Kourai doesn't need to hear Sachirou's advice/perspective from him specifically since Asa provides the same sentiment here, but it's interesting to me that Sachirou's and Kourai's respectice perspectives about things actually compliment and benefit each other.

This panel truly demonstrates that they recognise each other's growth, too. Sachirou embracing imperfections as part of life and Kourai embracing the 'perfectly unfair fairness' of life. (I mean come on, that smile?? Sachirou is proud, he has seen Kourai's journey from the start).

Both of them grow to accept imperfections in life, insecurities that haunted them for a certain time. They have a really strong relationship, learning from each other in that way.

They also know how the other thinks. Or at least with Sachirou, we have very clear instances. Here it's Sachirou knowing that Hinata's compliment went right to Kourai's head, but this happens AGAIN in the timeskip (quoting from memory here: "that bump was amazing, though Im sure he only gave himself 70 points" - Sachirou. And he's right on the DOT).

Because tumblr has an image limit, I'm posting a second part!

[disastertwins9000]

I would love to know more about your “homies in a half shell” crossover AU. I love everything about it, the art, the ideas, the characters interactions. All of it and I want- no need to know more. If this is too of an open ended question. Then here’s some specifics.

How do the rise boys find out about Leo’s reactions to the cold?

What is 2012 Leo’s relationship with rise Donnie?

What is 2012 Raphs relationship with rise Mikey?

Is 2012 Leo the only one that likes weighted blankets?

How do the 2012 boys help with the rise boys trauma?

That’s all, can’t wait to see more of your AU! :)

awww i’m so glad you like it!!! honestly i’ve spent hours on this au and this means so very much to me so thank you!! also i love the asks guys don’t be shy!!

get ready to read lmao

so lee and the cold… i’m being so completely honest.. i haven’t thought about how the rise fam found out. i will probably make a sketch about it later cause now you got me thinking about it. i’m thinking that, maybe, just hear me out.. he’ll get cold..? and have a panic attack 😄😄 -more about that coming soon in sketch form:)

leo and donnie: lee is still the mom of the group, but in a way that his brothers respect him highly. lee is impressed by rise donnie and is proud of him but worries that he might accidentally pressure him too much like he sometimes did with 12 donnie. 12 leo is also scared for his brothers, in the way that they value themselves. he doesn’t want rise donnie to think that lee is proud of him because he’s smart, he wants him to know that he loves him for much more then that. trauma am i right:)) on a more light hearted level, the disaster twins are constantly competing with one another to impress lee (praise from their badass big brother) and for the longest time lee has no idea what is going on.

2012 raph is ridiculously protective of rise mikey. this doesn’t mean that he loves rise mikey any more then 12 mikey, it’s just that rise mikey is still very young and still acts like it, and raphs got a major soft spot for him. together they enjoy being sarcastic little shits(affectionate) to their brothers and they like to do art together. mikey uses his ‘youngest and smallest of them all’ powers to get constant piggyback rides from everyone, especially 12 raph. don’t mess with the short boys they will bite your knees off

for the weighted blankets, the 12 twins both use them(lee and raph). raph got one bc lee introduced them to him. rise donnie uses one, and weighted blankets are always kept in the lair if anyone wishes to use one. rise mikey has a few different hammocks in his room that he can change out or hang up all at once and a few of them are therapy hammocks that him and his brothers use to help with anxiety and sleep. basically they have all used one at one point and it just depends on the person.

for the trauma part… not all their problems are solved yet..🤫 but the 12 boys do their best to be there for them. to listen and not dismiss the fear or pain. rarely did the 12brothers get a break to stop and process what was going on and their lives were never normal. while they are there for the rise boys in every way they can be, let’s be honest they need to stop and figure themselves out too.

thank you for the ask, i so enjoy answering and i’m so glad that ppl are interested in my au<3 also i can’t forget to credit @sapphiretanto for all the help with the hcs we’ve got going. lmao you got me info dumping

lucky i had this sketch already in my drafts cuz this is what my little brother does to me 😭🫶🏼

[starbuckaroo]

Sorry I know this is going around a lot rn but anyone who wants to say ANYTHING about bad parenting on this show and wants to talk about Eddie mf Diaz can eat a fucking dick UNLESS they can show me they’re not being hypocritical and can show me their posts that rip Athena apart. Fucking hell.

I will preface this by acknowledging that ofc there’s absolutely no way I can know what it’s like to be a black woman raising a black child. I never can. I do have some personal experience with raising a black boy in the US, though, so the episodes with Harry have always hit me really really hard, and usually because I always want to mcfucking scream at Athena for the way she allows her career indoctrination to harm her children.

Yeah my main gripe with this show always always boils down to “Athena quit your job” bc I can’t stand her anymore tbh. She would have stayed an interesting character IF at some point in s4-5 thereabouts she started to have doubts about the system and they did something interesting with that

OR

If they would allow the literal actual conflicts of interest to crop up and let her be a fucking antagonist. Let Bobby struggle with his ethical evaluation of a scene and his marital obligations. Let May struggle with learning and growing away from her childhood home and wrestle with what her mom continues to do. And let that storyline with Harry this season actually carry the fucking heavy and heinous weight that it truly has. It turns my stomach honestly like I had to stand up and walk away, and let me sister tell me when it was over so I could go sit back down.

But the apologism is what is so unforgivable. Like don’t get me wrong, I love the hell out of this show and it’s my full on hyperfixation and has been for years, but its top billed character has been nigh unwatchable for most of the last few seasons. The narrative trying to sell me that she’s one of the protagonists, that she doesn’t have to struggle meaningfully at all about what she does for a living or to her family, and I’m supposed to swallow that without protest? Nah. Can’t happen.

I liked her character a lot in the first three seasons tbh against my better judgment! I was expecting to hate her from day one but I was sold, actually. Michael leaving the show kind of tanked her character, I think, maybe. I think it was their dynamic that made her interesting at first, and then sympathetic later on when she really was trying to make their blended unconventional family work despite her upbringing. But honestly once Harry aged into teenagerdom and Michael left and May graduated it meant there was like…nothing left about Athena that was interesting except her job except that’s actually the worst part about her lmao woopsies.

Anyways. Let Athena be a villain or at least an antagonist. That would fix everything tbh. It would make her interesting again, it would be in character given how many ethical messes she’s caused or been party to, and would allow the show to keep doing their dumb copaganda shit that they’re almost certainly contractually obligated to shove in at least once per season. But it would finally be interesting because it wouldn’t feel like I was being asked to swallow bullshit covered in glitter spray. Maybe they could explore her toxic relationship with her mother and how engaging so heavily and perpetually with respectability politics has done damage to herself (and her parents and her ex husband and her children) over the years. Maybe her magical fairytale white lady boss at the precinct can actually act in character for once and pls god I would just like. I would sell a kidney for a real and honest Athena Quit Your Job plotline. Fuck. They could even take the coward’s way out like they did with Eddie’s military service and just have her quit for some random reason so ethics never actually has to be part of the conversation but neither would we have to deal with the copaganda all the time. You know Angela Bassett would act the fuck out of that kind of complicated character. It would be a real conflict instead of whatever contrived nonsense they’ve been putting on her this season.

Anyways this really fucking got away from me but I’m just not willing to hear a fucking WORD against single dad Eddie fucking Diaz unless the speaker has already done their bit about Athena and they’re just making their way through the line.

Except

I don’t actually want that bc We Know Why they’re saying that shit about Eddie and if they ever opened their mouth about Athena I don’t even really have to wonder about what sort of racist bullshit might fall out. Those aren’t the people I want attempting to critique Athena Grant. So actually yeah can everyone just shut the fuck up.

Myself included.

[aviradasa]

I got you 🖤 to make this authentic I smoked a fat ass blunt just for you anyways I did the characters you requested plus a few extra and I decided to do small HC/ drabbles cause I have to many imagines atm 🤣 anyways also I added nuada from hellboy 2 cause he's pookie all the way @horny4bj-blog

Characters included:

Hellboy (2004)

Prince nuada ( hellboy 2, 2008)

Daryl (Alexandria timeline)

Sam (supernatural)

Dean (supernatural)

Castiel (supernatural

Lucifer (supernatural)

Let's get startedddd

Different characters react to you stoned/couch-logged

Masterlist

Hellboy:

Honestly was not surprised when he walked into him room one day to it smelling entirely of weed. Honestly he was mostly impressed because not only did it smell. But when the door opened all that came out was smoke.

Like damn.

When he went to venture further he was also not surprised when he saw you sprawled out on the couch with like 6 cats laying on you.

You didnt register him calling your name until he threw a candybar at your face

This is pretty much how it went

“Hey???” “…” “Hellooo??” “…” “Hey!” “Ow fuck what do you want.” you say as you open the candy bar and take a bite

Honestly he doesn't really care but he expects you to share you weed with him. If you don't he will lowkey just take it without asking and deal with you later. (no he won't pay you back hes always magically broke when you ask him to 😒)

As for you being on the couch he tells you to move over. If you don't he moves you himself.

He finds it funny to mess with you when you get to the point when you think everything is in slow motion And your basically not registering anything the way your supposed to

Like one time yall played Uno. And you were at the point you couldn't even read the cards and you were slumped over leaning on the back of the couch like a corpse thinkin the number 6 was the funniest shit on earth

And what did he do.convinced you to give him your cards so he could read them to you.in your state you agreed. That prick (this is based off a true story i have a lot of these adafia if you see this. Fuck you I should have one that game 🖕)

Yeah naw i dont have much for him he's just an asshole who also smokes so he don't really care yall end up watching a lot of movies though.

Nuada:

Now he's interesting with this idea lmao

He's confused as fuck cause he don't really do shit that could alter his mind, he want to stay sharp and ready for anything (boring fuckaaaa)

He at first acts like a disappointed mother

“ now why would you go and do this to yourself knowing what we have to do.” “because I'm a whole ass adult and it makes it more fun.” “that's besides the point (name)” part of a real argument yall had at one point

Yeah like don't get me wrong he doesn't hate weed he just thinks it makes you act dumb

He's lowkey right though

But anyways back to the prompt. When he walks in and your just spaces out in your bed he just shakes his head and goes to do what he needs to do.

If you are logged somewhere is his way this man with nudge/kick you with his foot until you move and if you don't he will just use his foot to roll you out of the way.

He acts like he doesn't care and to be frank he doesn't have the energy to put into caring about something so dumb so he leaves you alone.

But then there was the one time that he accidentally ate an edible.

He took that shit like a champ though and was able to function decently, but for the most part he was just chillin just silently staring off into space

He says he would never do that again. But you decide not to say anything when you notice some of your edibles missing.

Bro thinks he's slick 🤣🤣

Sam:

Ok gonna be honest his brother is dean. Need I say more

He knows what to do he pulls up with the munchies and some red box movie

If your slumped on the couch this man will sit on the floor

Y'all can talk for hours even if he is sober

Or you pass out from him typing on the computer cause I mean that sound is just relaxing.

Honestly don't have much for him he's just a chill guy

Dean:

He don't walk in

He's slumped with you on the other side of the couch

He eats all the damn munchies

He refuses to watch anything besides old Scooby doo reruns.

(he has a crush on the hex girls)

He's literally just a grown up child when he's high (not much different then normal)

Yall are laughing high people

The jokes are hilarious

Cass

He walks in and sees you on the couch looking half dead and he's confused

Like really confused

“Are you ok?” “huh?” are you ok??” “HUH??” “nevermind.”

He doesn't know what to do so he does nothing 😭😭

If you ask he will get you snacks

He's kinda hard to talk to so if you are laughing its at him not knowing anything

(these are getting short cause of my beautiful bong so its not my fault blame daisy that's my bongs name.)

Lucifer:

Ok let be honest here

He's lucifer he's hilarious

If you wanna feel like your gonna suffocate from laughing then he's your guy

He doesn't even try to be funny he just says out of pocket shit.

All the time

I haven't seen much of his character yet but he's already a favorite

I don't think he would light up with you unless you peer pressure him

Yes you have to peer pressurethe damn devil to smoke the devils lettuce with you.

If yall do he just spaces in and out while your on your phone on that couch unmoving

But during this spacing in and out he just says weird shit

I dare you to show him the dark crystal afterwords tho just trust me.

Daryl:

This man could not give less of a fuck

He's used to seeing people on all sorts of shit so some weed don't scare him

He just goes about his day

He will sit and chat with you

He's a horrible high sitter tho

If you get to high he's your worst nightmare

Will throw fake spiders and shit at you knowing your on that couch to see you jump

He's lowkey funny tho 🤣

He might smoke with you once in awhile

It's rare tho he's more of a drinker

Anyways that's all for today hope you enjoyed dis shitz

Edit: sorry I sounded like a fuckin idiot here also sorry I forgot Crowley and carol 😭😭 I wrote for nuada took a break forgot it was nuada and gaslit myself into thinking I wrote for Crowley 🤣🤣

didnt mean to but its really late and I'm to lazy to write for them rn so I hope you enjoy what I got down please forgive me🖤🖤 also sorry nuadas there you didnt ask for him I was just living it up with daisy at that moment.

[danicaliwali]

Leo Valdez x enby!reader? Preferably a child of Hermes? :)

RAAAAHHHH THANK YOOOOUUU

Due to lack of specifics, I'm just gonna do some general headcannons if you dont mind ^^

ʚ yall are always scheming. Wether it be what/how to steal next, a prank, or just overall not mr. D approved bullshit.

ʚ oh you chaotic little shits >:)

ʚ also he puts you on the most important job ever

ʚ youre his gopher >:) he has you deliver things to/for him!!! Its probably a lot cuter in my head but like-

just chillin on a creeper next to his next project, drifting back and forth out of boredom. At some point, he looks over with a sigh.

"Mi amor?" He spoke, watching you perk up. "Would'ya do me a massive favor and head back to my cabin for some bigger ball bearings? I think-"

ʚ youre already gone tho :/ off in search of... being helpful ig? I mean, who wouldnt be at this mans beck and call???

ʚ alsoalsoalso!!! He makes you a little pocket watch that has an automatically set timer that you set when/if you put on bindings!!!

ʚ he asks you which spanish pronoun youd prefer since the language doesnt really have gender neutral terms

ʚ Or if you want, he uses both genders interchangably because hes so great and smart like that

ʚ depending on how androgynous you look and how bad your dysphoria can get, he likes to think of compliments that sound weird out of context that are almost inside jokes

"You look very forest witch, goblin spawn today, mi guapo~"

ʚ also i feel like yall would take random walks?? He just follows you around while you wander- i assume youre good at wandering bc hermes kid???

ʚ hed probably try to make you some flying shoes but im not sure how hermes would feel :<

ʚ oh and back on the enby thing, he messes up your pronouns sometimes, but i SWEAR this man is trying. Hed also correct people

ʚ once he used a gendered pronoun while correcting someone, like that one meme? Yeah you SO know the one :)

ʚ and if your dysphoria gets you down, hes always there, always tellin you how handsome you are if you feel too fem or vice versa.

ʚ hes trying lmao. His trauma makes him feel like if he gets it wrong, youre out the door. (Woah cali great observation)

ʚ but you gotta assure him that youre staying :'( just give him lots of affirmations and be patient ok kiddo?

Sorry its short yall

I gotta be so honest idk if i headcannon him as trans or not :/ like, it makes SOOOO much sense and i love ftm leo with my WHOLE HEART but i cant tell which one just... IS leo to me??? I can honestly see it both ways im just on the fence and i need to be swayed >:(

[norellenilia]

Damn, I remember the first time I watched FMA 03, when I was 16 or 17, I stayed up until 1 am to finish it, and today, watching episodes 38 through 42 turned me into such an emotional mess that I have to take a break lmao what happened??? My own emotional traumas, that's what happened

I'm feeling so many things again

In episode 38, when Ed and Al are fighting, Al drenches Ed in water and he says "it's going to rain!!!" and I'm like haha no don't try to pull a Mustang on me I know this episode won't make me cry and GUESS WHAT the flashback with Trisha convincing Ed to go and find Al so they can talk things out and Al looking so happy that Ed isn't upset with him anymore it's so cute I CRIED

I need -- no, I DEMAND a spin-off series where Winry and Scziezka solve murder mysteries together (I'd love to write it myself but I know I'm not nearly good enough at coming up with mystery stories lol), they're adorable I'm so happy they totally get together post CoS

Martel's death hits SO MUCH HARDER than I remembered holy shit, she and Al actually got close, we see more of her, her death is so horrific and hearing sweet sweet baby boy Alphonse cry just BROKE MY HEART I never wanted to hug an armor so badly

Scar's brother's last moments, the way he looks so terrified and desperate to protect his little brother from Kimblee and Scar being so devastated when he dies I just-- *clenches fist*

Sloth using Ed's PTSD against him that's so UNFAIR; also I was thinking that I was a bit disappointed that this anime did not include the nightmare that Ed has at some point in the manga where he sees his mom saying "why didn't you make me right" etc but this is it, this is this scene, and it's worse because he's hearing it for real, he is very much awake, he has the real voice of his mom in his ears and she's saying this to him and I'm-- *clenches fist harder*

Rose's story, I'm still so mad, she deserves all the happiness in the world

Speaking of Rose, it's so funny how the moment Al is like "I wonder how Rose is doing" the show just full on goes "Ed/Rose shipper" mode lmao, with Ed blushing while pretending not to remember her, him being so awkward when he speaks to her just before they go on their separate ways and her son just smiling and giggling when he speaks (first time we see the baby laugh, he had only been crying up until then) :') To be honest it feels a bit out of the blue to me but idk

Dante sporting Lyra's white ass in the town of brown people and speaking as if she was part of them just because she's following Rose around to manipulate her is incredibly cringe, but then again, it's Dante, she's the villain and we're already supposed to know something is up with "Lyra". But still.

Very random but Al pulling objects from or putting objects inside his armor from behind the cloth always looks very awkward lol

I used to never really care about Scar but I have learned the errors of my way as I now realize he is actually one of the best characters in this goddamn series, even with the orb of knowledge and the three arm losses, and Mangahood!Scar being much more villainized and ending up working with the military will never come even CLOSE to 03!Scar using his last bit of strength to save Alphonse to honor his love for his lost brother and take his ultimate revenge on those who murdered his people in the goal of protecting oppressed people, all of this while an epic music is playing (honestly it even feels like Ed is made to be seen as an obstacle as he tries to prevent the soldiers from entering Liore lol)

Sorry but Wrath is annoying as hell, I know that I'll probably have a different opinion if I rewatch CoS after that, but for now I hate him

We're finally entering the "Rewrite" era of the show and I had forgotten how much it rocks (Ed's hair animation at the beginning fhjkfhkdhjk)

I only have 9 episodes left but between Lust and Sloth in the upcoming episodes I'm not even sure I'll be able to watch it all in one go lol. Still excited to see more of Winry and Scziezka and remembering how much Hohenheim is absolutely useless in this x)

[luxraydyne]

ngl kinda super fixating on the idea of tokiko actually meeting pewter if she hasn’t already, and absolutely set on the idea of bringing him into her fold. this guy conceived of psyncing, not only conceived, but built a *machine*. he’s tapping into some unforseen crevices of the sim here with this shit. how damn valuable would he be? oh, and how easily manipulated. he learns of the sim. he’s crushed. he’s wrecked. he’s angry. and tokiko’s like, this is a slam dunk, so where do we start on breaking out of this thing? and pewter just looks at her like, nah. this isn’t going where you think it’s going. you’re telling me this is all a program. you’re telling me all i’ve been through, all the pain and loneliness was a construct. and this is your reaction? this is what y’all are doing with that information? and you think that’s gonna convince me to *help* you? he’s pissed. if this is all a program, if me being locked in a cell with my grief after losing the love of my life is a simulation, hell if i’m helping you to chase some illusion of escape. i’m not gonna break the simulation just to let you out. i ain’t running away. i’m not letting that happen. i’m staying here. if i’ve been messing with the code already, then dammit i’m rummaging around in there some more and i’m changing it, i’m fixing it. if it was a “simulation” that took renju away, then i’m gonna bring him back. cause i can. watch me. idgaf if you say nothing in this place matters. he mattered, to me. i won’t let them take him. and i won’t let you take this chance from me either. you’re stuck in here with *me*.

what does tokiko even do? this wasn’t the plan. this is bonkers. what, does she keep trying to bring him under her control somehow? does she just let him go on his vengeful faustian quest and hope his meddling somehow tips the scales in her favour? risky, but might work ig. does she just do damage control, try to kill him off? probably. if she can. he’s good but he’s not *that* good. tf is she even up against at this point? and to be fuckin honest, she probably resents him, somewhere, in a brutal place she refuses to actually acknowledge. boy she done goofed.

bosh, and there’s your conflict. gentlemen, i solved ai3 lmao

[decepti-thots]

in lieu of tf fanon, can we all just agree that the fanon around seekers is just WAY too pervasive???? genuinely. why is seeker fanon Like That. why are seekers sometimes treated as a whole exotic subspecies. i feel like people got too attached to starscream, looked at the silly color swapped jet models due to budget in the original 80's cartoon, and just decided to invent a new kind of weird robot racism. sorry that this is on the bitchery side of anons but weirdly set-in-stone fanon stuff like seekers is what turned me off from reading tf fanfic

The answer to this, that is 'why is seeker fanon Like That', is gonna by necessity involve some discussion of NSFW stuff so I will cut this. But it's kinda. Necessary for the topic, lmao, so. And I do think it's worth actually going through ig. I've seen a lot of folks recently express this exact irritation and confusion, so...

OK so the honest answer: a good chunk of it's just fetish porn tbqh. And people, they are horny for those jets, lmao, and Starscream, exactly. Kink with some worldbuilding scaffolded around it as setup. Which to be clear, when someone is straight up just like 'hi, here is some cheerfully self-aware kink about breeding and shit, do not read too hard into this fantasy nonsense as a coherent narrative- we are here for horny egg laying and the implications will not be expanded on beyond that' I am usually like 'yeah cool go for it!!', lmao. Not my thing, can still go places in execution I'm like 'uhhhh think this through better please' about ofc, but like. Kink's kink, and all. Pretend adult fun times engaged in with full self-awareness are fine, a lot of the time.

My irritation really comes with when this bleeds into stuff that is taking itself seriously and is uhhhh. Not that? Or when it's engaged in by people who clearly don't have a level of self awareness about the above. And the answer is... IMO it's just regular fandom racism tbh, with an extra layer of obfuscation over it because it's got the fantasy analogue thing disguising it. Some people enjoy a lot of tropes that derive from certain strands of commercial genre romance, and honestly a lot of classic SFF as well, that are based in things they do not fully realise are rooted in racism, or any number of -isms tbh. And there's also a lot of people who sort of do notice, but they still want to keep enjoying those things without guilt, so they try and take the underlying logics and apply them to fantasy constructs or whatever in the hopes this will make the thing they like Not Racist. (Spoiler alert: the issue is rarely who the tropes are applied to alone, and this basically never works, because humans have pattern recognition and know how analogies work.)

People like stories about Scary Barbarians, or Submissive Sexually Exotic Androgynes, or whatever. And then someone points out 'yeah but mate, those are racial stereotypes, have you heard of orientalism' or whatever, and people feel bad but they sort of. Want to keep enjoying those stories in a way that is not harmful! That strips out that element succesfully. So they try and write an alien fantasy version, but again. This doesn't actually work most of the time, tbh. Because humans have pattern recognition and the tropes, the logic underlying the ideas in the first place, are often the actual issue. Shrug.

And IMO, this is where you get 'biologically distinct races frametypes who are Just Naturally For Breeding' shit, or whatever other example I can pull out of the TF fanon hat, in ostensibly serious stories about geopolitical conflicts or serious personal drama, ones which expect you to engage with this as an actual framework for how a world could work and not just as a loose excuse for 2000 words of smut. It's not as though canon is totally immune to this to be clear- ask me sometime about how I feel about the mess that is functionism being an analogy for 48563 things, lmao- but fanon is more pervasive because you're contending with decades of this stuff being super pervasive in fandom spaces and it becoming standard for fic. We were having discussions about this exact stuff like. When I was 15 on LJ, lmao. And it wasn't new then! I don't think it's anything unique; it's just got those extra layers of abstraction to sort through in terms of 'why IS this happening with these fuckin planes'.

[tenrose]

I may or may not have bought a ps5 for black Friday...

You might think this is a useless buy, and it is. But get this, I have a gaming pc but it's not very strong. Also I don't like playing on it. Mainly because I work on computer screen all day and it hurt my eyes (not sure a TV screen is better but I can see from a bit more afar) Also I absolutely do not know how to play on keyboard so I already play with a gamepad but it's an Action gamepad and it keeps disconnecting it's annoying. Also I don't play a lot but the games I'm more interested into playing are way too big for my pc anyway (Baldur's gate here I come, also wanna try Elden Ring but I feel like with my disaster level of gaming this might be suicide lmao). Also I want the physical copies of games, it feels wrong not having them physical, and I have brand new empty shelves waiting for other stuff than books. Speaking of physical I haven't owned a disc reader in ages, so I will finally be able to own the 4k version of LOTR (and if I'm being honest I'm more excited about spending my new year's eve watching LOTR than anything else), not sure the ps5 does read music CDs though... But if it does it might convince me to also buy new CDs we'll see. But yeah, I'm not a movie watcher mainly cause I don't have the means anymore (meaning I don't pay platforms) but there's some movies I want to buy, so who cares if I watch the same movies 150 times anyway (do I really need anything else but lotr to be happy? Obviously not). Speaking of tv, at first this whole project was kinda blurry cause I need a brand new TV first, because mine is old so no point in having 4k stuff with it. And at first this was what I was supposed to buy for black Friday and my aunt's husband told me he'd check what kind of TV would be good for me, but long story short story they bought me a TV as my Christmas/birthday gift (cause I never gave my bank account number for my birthday) so my aunt said it's for both. I was like 'you did what????' lmao. The only 'annoying' thing is that I bought Dragon Age on Steam but my pc is literally dying, basically I have like 10go left with the game installed so it's an absolute mess, I had to lower quality and shit and between work, migraines and sickness I've played six hours... So I'm gonna buy it again and I'm not very proud for that. To not feel like I've spent stupidly 60€ twice I'm gonna use the gift card from our Union which is conveniently 60€. But yeah stupid move if I had been patient.... But anyway.

So yeah it's kinda 500€ for something that is absolutely necessary. BUT I have solid arguments. Basically it is the gift for me finally being able to put on with my house chores. I mean it's not perfect yet, I still have the dreadful administrative paper to tidy but yes my apartment is now in an acceptable state and truth to be told this wasn't an easy task for me and maintaining it keeps being harder but the experts were right, setting up a routine help and it is easier to clean a little bit every day. Also I finally have my massive bookshelves I'm so in love with them. And basically the apartment being better makes me wanna do stuff and make it prettier. Btw I also feel the desire to buy a bigger plant, I think I'm ready to take this risk. And most importantly I now feel, safe enough to invite my parents properly to eat. And that is something I've never felt confident before to do. Because of the cleaning and also because of the cooking. And that's a huge thing for me, cause believe it or not in like 15 years I've been away I've never invited them to dinner, they like sometimes visited me when they were nearby but every time I had meetings with my mom I'd invite her to the restaurant instead of home to avoid stressful situations. Mind you this is my mom we're talking about so it's gonna be stressful anyway and not right enough for her, but if I know it is right enough for me that's ok. Needless to say I've never talk to her about this house chores struggle, I've been dealing with it with my aunt without who all of this wouldn't be possible and honestly I don't even know how the fuck I am supposed to thank her for everything she did to me since I've been a teen. She's the first one I came out to, she visited me when I was hospitalised for my mental health, she and my grandma made sure I had money to eat when I was a student and she's the only person I can only discuss with my undiagnosed whatever is wrong with my dysfunctional brain, my mental health struggle without her being like 'well do it', like for example she did scold me for the cleaning but like not a useless scold where I feel even more worse than I already felt before, she explains to me tricks and stuff so yes it's what I'm the most thankful to her for.

And now that this thing is altogether under my capacities, I feel like I can focus on something new next year. I have plan but this involves confronting my biggest fear and some of you might guess what I'm talking about. Like it's not a thing I desperately crave to do but it would make my life easier and also it's like the only thing I don't have that stop from being 100% independent of anyone... But yeah I'm scared. And it might come handy for my next next project which is getting the hell out of the infernal place that is my job (but unfortunately that thing doesn't depend 100% on me unlike some would want us to think, like the job market is utter shit everywhere) but anyway

So yes all in all I think I am allowed to recklessly buy a ps5 as a gift to myself.

And I don't know why the hell I wrote a whole damn essay to convince everyone but really just myself that it is ok and that I shouldn't feel guilty about it.

And why the hell am I justifying myself for spending my own money earned with my depression driving job???

[jeonqkooks]

I missed you too!!! 🫶 haha I bet. It was the universe bringing us back together again 😌 I've been alright, nothing out of ordinary happened lately so that's cool. Working (except for today and tomorrow cause I had a few days off), been spending some time with my little nephew- he's 3 and such a cutie 🥰 I almost got baby fever but then I came back to my senses lmao.. but yeah, that's what I've been doing, ohh and I also have to move out of the place where I live now, in march 🥲 it is what it is..

Idk what's been happening with your blog or the people around here but my best advice is to just ignore them.. not sure if you're aware but we're kind of a mess rn, everywhere you look on sm, in this fandom, someone's always fighting 😶 Maybe do what you think it's best for you. I don't like it either when someone's trying to control my every move like "you gotta do this, you gotta like that, you cannot! say stuff like this" , ofc interactions wouldn't even be fun anymore so what's the point of having this place dedicated to something you like if *some* people are acting up.... If you feel the need to step away from it for some time I wouldn't blame you. And you can still enjoy whatever content you like without someone always breathing down your neck, you know. See now I started rambling and I don't even know the context of your anger 🤣🤣 but my advice is still the same> just ignore them..

But what does it mean "someone from inside the house"?? There's more tea??? 👀 *drags the chair closer*

Also, just so you know, anger issues aren't any better even if you're 5'6..... I'm the type of person to try to be calm and hold it together for as long as possible and then one day I just explode and almost bite everyone's head off 😮‍💨 that's on unexpected tmi 🤪

- 🎃

“but then i came back to my senses” PUMPKIN 🤣🤣 you’re too real for that lmao. you’re moving out in march? how’s the apartment hunting going?

yeah tbh lately i’ve been pretty quiet on this blog so not a lot is happening in terms of broader fandom interactions so thankfully no one’s fighting on the blog as of late (knock on wood, knock on wood, knock on wood). so yeah things have been simmering elsewhere (starts with obs and ends with something that rhymes with “murder” lmao) for A While and honestly i had unresolved feelings about that that i’ve just been trying to brush off (bc it’s literally over the stupidest thing) but smth just really set me off this past week lol. then i found out even more things to be mad about

you build a house with rooms for everyone to cater to their own shit. then you renovate another room for you to do your niche lil thing and people demonize you and burn your fucking house down and scurry off to another house that they built god knows when (god does know when) and still question why you’re not making more effort to put out the dumpster fire.

saurrr yeah, that’s been my past few days :D (and if we’re being honest, since october 23, 2023 too lmao)

[dirtyoldmanhole]

going through CQ has me thinking how corrin/gunter would progress if i had the stamina to write that route on top of YRMR (for revelation). :P

obviously, i'm not going to write another 120k fic. [stares meaningfully @ myself lmao] but here's the bullet points i've been playing with for those interested ~

in general, i think corrin has a much worse time in conquest, and gunter has a worse time in revelation. there's ups and down to rev with corrin, but his longer absence in CQ meant she truly thinks he was, like, for real dead. in yrmr/revelation, she was honestly so distracted with the hoshido/mikoto/dragon stuff that she shoved her grief aside for so long that he came back before it really hit. (unhealthy in a different way but it does keep her going).

i deleted the scene in the fic since it was a little maudlin/cheesy, but lilith feels like she'd be the only one to realize just how hard corrin grieved for him, that very first span of days in the astral plane (in both routes).

cq!corrin, bluntly - feels like she's being constantly broken with the "tests" of loyalty that garon and iago force her through, so there's a lot harsher of an element to keeping her stoic game face on, much earlier. i think she honestly just numbs herself to any and all emotion between that and the grief and basically all the "constants" in her life changing given the new war campaign "for" garon.

once corrin finally re-joins him in valla, she just. breaks down in ugly sobs in his arms. she's a mess, he's almost a mess, and it's kind of a good thing that reunion was mostly private.

ironically azura's the first to know about their... thing. i see the three of them staying in valla overnight to at least catch up on [plot shit] and to speak freely for the first time in like, ever, while recovering from minor wounds from that battle. he totally holds her by his side. uwu

(imagine if corrin had told azura offhandedly 'oh he was like my dad' a few weeks before much like micaiah/sothe's 'he's my brother' and then azura sees. them all but canoodling. lmao. 'if whatever your deal is familial i will eat my entire pendant')

post re-recruitment:

i also think their relationship would, surprisingly, progress much faster than even in the rev route. corrin seeks him out nightly just for him to hold her through the night terrors and in one of those nights, they uh.... stumble into the sex, heh.

i also, hah, think it'd progress a lot "harder" in the kink sense - as mentioned above, corrin has a shitty, shitty time in CQ's route, and i think she'd seek him out as somebody she can safely 'break' with in those scant moments of uncomplicated happiness. cough [nods meaningfully @ the recent 'gunter is totes a sadist' headcanon] cough

i don't think he actually ever tells corrin about his late wife until after the war, or his whole motivation for killing garon. it's..... not great, in ways i actually feel like their relationship in yrmr/rev route is more open/honest? their dynamic in CQ is more ... two shellshocked veterans finding that spark of happiness and nonverbal trust in private vs in the middle of some truly crushing awfulness where they both have to keep their 'game face' on in public.

lategame:

so the thing is. i think kana's an accident in CQ vs them intentionally wanting a child post-YRMR, lol. (parts of it are funny ('oh shit what do you mean babies can still happen') and then parts of it are whiplash-y tragic when gunter's struggling with his feelings given his late wife/child. given he uh. hasn't told corrin about that yet. yeahhhh.)

i'm on the fence as to whether he blurts it out to her in the middle of all that (i can see their nastiest "fight" being here especially when hormones are going nuts, she's a little less patient with him than she is normally, and there's a lot of pressure there.)

corrin/gunter never actually outright tell anyone about their relationship (unlike in yrmr), even when kana's a thing. both of them really don't want iago and garon to be able to weaponise kana or their relationship - not that the stakes are higher here than in rev, per se, but there's much less margin for error. (kana knows who his parents are but is also instructed not to tell anyone, at least until before garon and iago are dead.)

tho i think azura explicitly knows because she'd be the one to suggest the deeprealms as a place for pregnant!corrin to go to for safety once when she can't hide it.

buuut it's obvious enough to the point when lilith dies in the eternal staircase that xander & co just give corrin to him immediately afterwards all 'make sure she doesn't crack ok'. she regresses a bit there - gunter actually gets to see a glimpse of what she was like before; just.... completely dead eyed. (i actually have an old piece of art that was one of my very first gunter/corrin strips that's just that entire scene. need to finish it.)

to that point i think lilith's death also hits hard because out of anything that's been a "constant" loving presence for corrin, it's the northern fortress gang. and lilith was iirc the one person to be there pretty much continuously even when corrin went over in hoshido.

interestingly i also think that gunter is ... while he's still focused on seeing garon dead, he kind of knows this is corrin&azura's endgame plan anyway, so he puts himself more as an advisor/supportive figure to help make it happen. he's quite good with long term planning, and i don't think anankos would have near the hatred or hold on him as happens in revelation.

anyway i haven't figured out post-endgame stuff yet (i totally want to see how anankos slots into this since the silent dragon still has a number of negative feelings to pull off on with gunter) but there ya go ~

[straye]

𝐃𝐀𝐒𝐇 𝐆𝐀𝐌𝐄 : the hella sweet munday meme ( ORIGINAL SOURCE, FORMATTED TO BE A DASH GAME. )

♻ Any advice on improving Tumblr RP experience?

Block and blacklist, block and blacklist. Out of sight out of mind is a real thing here, and even reading everything on someone's blog to be able to do that efficiently.

⛅ Do you believe aesthetics are another form of expression?

In a way, yeah! I mean, the way I have my blog set up is certainly so.

☮ Are you feeling happy and inspired right now?

Happy, I guess. Inspired, errr. Trying!

☄ Has someone ever admitted to being inspired by you?

Maybe once? I mean Ren once said that the verse they made with Ghostshima was for me and I almost bawled my eyes out because I feel passionately about that evil little tape worm and the effect he has on Kogami past the grave. T_T

⚌ Who inspires you?

[dial up sounds]

♋ Are there any FC’s you believe should be used more? Why?

I don't use FCs at all if I can help it, so I think this is geared more towards people who use rl FCs? But if I had to say, as someone who observes secondhand, MORE SOUTHEAST ASIAN / BROWN / BLACK / INDIGENOUS FCS !!!

☸ Do you reblog from the source when someone practices reblog karma or do you follow it?

I reblog from the source for a cleaner activity tab, and I expect the same courtesy. Though, if it's something I can send in, I always try sending in stuff for memes.

☯ Do you believe you’re a forgiving person?

I'll be honest with you, no, and I've had very good reason not to be over the years.

⚑ Have you been forgiven for a mistake you’ve made?

Hard question, because I'd say kinda.

♛ Have you ever seen drama be maturely sorted out?

No lol.

♞ Do you tend to ignore drama?

Generally. It stops being drama if someone is a genuinely bad person or is up to some heinous shit though.

☾ Have you ever tried to bring peace to a situation?

One, a very long time ago. Now? Hell no.

☻ Have you ever made someone a promo or a positive shoutout?

Yes! <3 I always try to.

☎ What do you think about bias lists?

I only do these for like. KPop biases lol. Do you guys remember the mess that was follow forevers? I think we've learned from then.

☈ How many people would you say likes you?

I should hope my following, though idc if anyone hate follows.

♡ How many people do you like? Are there any people in particular that pop up?

Most of my following ??? I know me and @sorrowmarked , @withgutsandglory and @ungodli are super cool. I also wuv @kudakenai and @vtriol forever and ever. me and @yeonban have crazy meow meow to meow meow communication. Me and @n0fa0e have been friends for yeeeeears <3. And @naisetsu is pretty neat too. <3 ALSO @achroanimus FOR THEIR AMAZING IDEAS AND DEPICTION OF THE EVIL LITTLE MAN. I also owe so much to @amaeranthos. I also love love love what @vulpesse and @aahri do for a certain fox of whom I am smitten over ..............

☢ What calms you down after negativity?

Vidya games, talking to my best friend. :3

☠ What keeps you happy?

Thinking about Kogami Shinya.

☘ Is there anything that makes you instantly want to follow someone?

If they're funny as hell. Always.

☕ Is it often you hear people complimenting your blog? Characters, writing, theme, icons, etc.

No, not really, though the latest compliment I've gotten was the fact that my Kogami is so baby girl and I needed a moment to cry (positively) about that. <3

☂ What’s your best RP experience?

This was before this blog's time but when me and an ex made an entire multiverse of OCs. :( I miss that, and my OCs are still around, but that was a weirdly formative experience. Also when me and @ungodli had this rhythm for our first thread where our replies kept getting longer and longer and at some point we stopped apologizing for that LMAO AND WHEN ME AND @achroanimus STARTED OUR KOGAMI AND GHOSTSHIMA THREAD THAT I STILL NEED TO REPLY TO AUGH

⚈ What sweet things tend to happen to you from time to time RP wise?

When me and my partners will reply to something and when we see it we immediately alert each other with raw reactions <3

☐ What trends are you currently into?

girl idk.

★ What fandom do you consider welcoming?

I don't really pay attention to this. </3

☆ What are some the perks with the fandom you’re currently in?

It's small and quiet and if you want to be left alone you'll be well left alone.

☉ What fandom do you believe needs improvement? What could you do to do that?

No comment.

♦ How has roleplaying on Tumblr improved since you started out?

Um honestly yes especially when it comes to NSFW content and what kind of shit we'll let fly. It used to be that you'd see obscurely tagged full blown rl porn on your feed but now people have the courtesy to actually try tagging it better as well as people just feeling safe enough to call people out on bigotry and condoning gross shit. I kinda wish this environment is the one little 12-13 year old me started off on lol.

♨ Have you ever roleplayed with someone that has been problematic but offered critique and then watched them improve?

Yes but they did not improve.

⚓ Are there any small details you tend to like in roleplays?

Quoting some of my favorite medias / poems / etc. If you squint, you'll see my writing riddled with them. >:)

⚡ What are the good sides with duplicates?

I don't have a lot of experience with saying so but some of the villains I play where I don't mind duplicates : we really do understand these characters more than most of their fans do.

☀ What’s the best thing about roleplaying?

What isn't there to like about putting my character in all sorts of whacky scenarios or whatnot with characters he'll probably not have much interaction with or otherwise? Creating AUs, connecting with people through him, and even getting people into Psycho-Pass mwhahaha.

⛵ What genres do you like writing the most?

Slice of life, hurt-comfort, fluff, comedy, action. I want to try horror one of these days so bad.

☺ What tends to bring out your muse the most? What inspires you?

Little things that remind me of Kogami; then, I'm possessed by his spirit to let the world know that xyz is so him. Then his spirit leaves me. It often tends to be other forms of media, music, poems.

[the1975attheirverybest]

I know you probably don't want people to vent to you, but I just had a close friend put me down for liking Matty and it's kinda messing with my mood. They said it was "kinda fucked up" that I liked him. They are a good friend and this kinda came out of nowhere and now Im sad. I know he says some bad stuff sometimes, but my life is so chaotic rn and my enjoyment of this band and Matty is kinda a reprieve from my life. I just don't want them to think I'm a bad person. I don't believe that Matty is bad, but some people don't see that and only assume the worst, and then I feel like the asshole.

- 🦝

Hey, listen, you can ALWAYS vent to me! Promise!!

Also, like, who else are you supposed to talk to? People who don’t know Matty/the band kinda won’t get this sort of thing. Only other fans do! So, this is totally fine.

And, yeah, to be honest, I used to get that a lot. From my sister even! Like, she’s really into punk and emo music. Like really hardcore shit. She does NOT like the 1975, lmao. Even though I’ve told her a thousand times that if she likes punk, she’d love Matty. Cuz he’s legit more punk than whatever bands she likes these days…the genre has devolved into a parody of itself, you can’t really do punk in punk anymore…BUT I DIGRESS!! My point is, she gets all of her impressions of Matty from Twitter. And, we all know what Twitter thinks of Matty. Like, when the podcast shit was going down, she was texting me screenshots everyday like “this is your Matty Healy?” It made me really sad.

It’s difficult cuz it’s not the same type of thing as when people make fun of me for, like, liking Harry Styles. They just think Harry isn’t a “real musician” (whatever the fuck that means) but, with Matty, some people actually think he’s a Nazi!!!!! Like my sister and I got into it a bit cuz she was like “If you’re fine with Matty Healy…I feel like you’re the type of person to end up in a toxic relationship cuz you’ll just let men say shit.” BUT, my thing is, she’s my sister. She knows me. She knows the millions of ways that I stand up for my students when our department policy is discriminatory against some of them. She knows my personal politics and who I am. So, if she can’t give me the benefit of the doubt and/or realize that, if I like Matty, then there must be something about him that PERHAPS! Twitter isn’t showing her??? Then we are in a sorry state as a society. You know?

Besides, I know lots of people say they wish Matty would tone it down for the sake of the rest of the guys and/or the band’s general image, but, I think that’s exactly why he doesn’t what he does. He’s asking for a little more nuance and real thought in debates around art. He doesn’t want art to become sterilized, corporate-friendly, performative activism, cuz art is where real thought and real resistance happens. And if there’s no space in it for push-back, then we lose as a society. So, the way I see it is, the fact that not everyone loves him, that he’s not another Harry Styles or whatever, is proof that he’s right and it’s working. You could try and explain that to people? Some people will get it, some, like my sister, will be like “yeah, sounds like you’re being brainwashed by a dude” … her loss honestly, cuz Matty has given me so much courage and joy and if she wants to dig in and miss out on it cuz punk Twitter can’t candle that Matty is more badass than them…then alright. She’s my sister and one of my best friends but she’s objectively wrong here lmao.

Bottom line is, they don’t have to love Matty but they love you. And if they do, they’ll understand who you are as a person is proof enough that you’re not a homophobe/Nazi/whatever the fuck the world misunderstands Matty to be. If they can’t see that, then, sorry but you may need a new friend? Hope that makes sense?

YOU CAN ALWAYS FANGIRL WITH US THOUGH 💗💗

[a-kaash-me-outside]

I agree with prev anon that reader was a bit frustrating because she said some out of pocket stuff (though it wasn’t intentional or said out of maliciousness) but Atsumu making an effort and trying for 3 weeks is the bare bareeeee minimum come on!!! 😭We gotta stop giving credit to men who do the bare minimum in terms of being a nice respectful person. Like if someone was into me I’d HOPE they would be nice and “try” while they were making an effort to date me???

Especially cause all it took was one comment for him to revoke it and throw it in her face. What does that say about him 😭 reader’s mess up was due to nerves and not stopping to think before she spoke, Atsumu’s mess up was due to him knowingly choosing to perform an action that he was aware would hurt her on some level since he knew she was into him as well. Their convo outside their rooms could’ve been solved with an honest follow up conversation, but he decided to revenge fuck a stranger and make her a witness to it so he could punish her for making a petty comment towards him.

What she said wasn’t even false either because he did have a track record of bringing home multiple girls every weekend lmao if he doesnt like people pointing out his past behaviour then I dunno maybe demonstrate that you don’t engage in that behaviour anymore?! Not go out and immediately prove y/n right!!

okay yes. no okay yes I UNDERSTAND i understand. and i'm not saying we like praise him for the effort that's he's putting into it and the change in patterns that he's exhibiting, but more like aw man no yea this is actually the longest change in pattern that he's displayed.

(omg look another read more because i have so much to say/try to explain) but also it'll all be explained better in the next chapter lmao lmao. i will probably stop long explaining a lot of these and just let you guys read the next chapter and either like it or not HAHAHHA.

i feel like no one is -IN ANY WAY- skipping over the fact that the bs he pulled was shitty and he is an asshole because like yea no ur 100% right he's an asshole.

i just think that the layers that i built into twrt are kinda a lot and complex because it's not just "oh reader is super super into atsumu so why doesn't atsumu just date her instead of having sex with other people" its much more like "reader is keeping atsumu at arms length while still engaging with and flirting and practically fucking him while they're drunk" like reader specifically is not trying to be in a relationship with him while still doing relationshipy things because she's terrified of the effect that it'll have on a lot of aspects in her life and the hesitancy that she's feeling is super evident and real frustrating for someone who has, many times, tried to breech this line of oh let's actually date.

NOW IS ALL OF THIS AN EXCUSE FOR THE WAY THAT ATSUMU ACTED? yea no of course not but i just mean that it doesn't boil down to oh yea no reader has done NOTHING BUT want to be with atsumu she literally wanted to fuck maki like,,,, a few weeks prior to this conversation. and it wasn't as vindictive or shitty as atsumu's because of cOURSE IT WASNT but we don't really get to see atsumu's side or feelings in any of this the entire time bc its from reader pov. so it's hard to like,, understand the other side of it.

and i will say the comment that she makes outside of his door serves less as a reminder of his past and more of sudden change in tendencies. i don't know if that distinction makes SENSE but it does in my mind hehe.

also when i came up with the idea for this fic, this is always the way that i wanted the conflict to go. which became a bit difficult as it moved from being a oneshot to a chaptered fic and all of the feelings that came along with it. this shit is much less ouch when yknow- you dont have as much background as you do in the chaptered versions but i hope that chapter7 gives some insight? some better like oh yea ok yea tori you explained that really well, nice.

[amb00bs]

Aaahh, I'm loving the pics from the springs! It looks so beautiful, and the water is so crystal clear. 😍😍 I love being outside, and I'm so jealous. We have rivers, lakes, and mountains where I live, but the rivers and lakes are never THAT blue and THAT clear.

I love to hike, kayak, fish, etc. Get my ass outdoors, and I'm in heaven. It's how I reset.

I've dated a couple of witches, and the witchy things intrigue me. However, I'm more into druidry. 🤗

Thrift store, antique stores, flea markets..... are all places I wouldn't mind spending my weekends. 😂 I use Facebook marketplace (modern yardsaling) entirely too much.

I am an introvert to my very core. Unless it's a concert/music festival, I don't want to be in a large ass crowd. Also, I went through a rough time, and the workers at the only gay club in town know me too well at this point. So, I prefer hanging out with friends around a fire. 🤣😂 I also enjoy disappearing for days at a time (my best friend calls it hobbit holing), and I only talk to my essential people to tell them essential things, like, I'm alive. 😂😂

The camping part of a music festival is ROUGH, and I fucking love camping. I always had our Bonnaroo site set up with a private shower, all the good camping stoves for meals, and a big ass fan. Yet, it still was absolutely miserable. My friends and I talked about doing a final hoorah and renting an RV for it.

I'm always down for music recs, and I do trust your taste now. So, sure!! I'm down. 😁

Thank you!!! I've been feeling so drawn to water lately, so any chance I can, I'm going to a spring. I wanna check out one's I've never been to, as a kid, my mom only took me to a select number of them, but florida has HUNDREDS of springs! I need to see them all!!! Lmao. But where are you from??? You said mountains, and I perked up, we don't got those here in flat ass florida 👀 and I haven't gone kayaking since high school, and that was the first time I've gone lolllll so I really wanna try that. Or paddleboarding. It sounds so fun!

And ooooo what is druiddry??? I don't think I've heard of that?? Im still a newbie with the witchcraft thing, so I don't practice often. But I just love the things I've learned so far. It's so freaking cool and fun hahah

I also use market place often, but my algorithm is messed up and I don't see anything cool other than rvs and places for rent 🥲 I need to fix it to see what cool shit is around. But yesssss my mom always took me thrifting and to yard sales/flea markets as a kid. I grew to love that shit myself lol!

And dudeeeeeee, I camped at Electric Forest and Imagine (with a big group) and I still couldn't enjoy it. I was miserable. I love the aspect of meeting neighbors and hearing all the wooktivities, and going to afters. But I need a proper bed and shower. An rv honestly sounds like a great solution!! But I know renting them isn't cheap, and getting an rv pass can be difficult since tickets for them are limited! But I hope you are able to do that! That sounds like a blast!

And yeah, lately I've been seeing my friends every weekend, but during the week, I'm to myself and take a business day or two to text back. So I get it 😂 and okay!!!! I send send you some mixes. That will probably be easier than sending a whole set of songs. Do you use soundcloud? Here's a Svdden Death mix back from 2020 when we only had digital raves online lmao: https://on.soundcloud.com/zA3dD

And a heavy mix from mvc 10:

https://on.soundcloud.com/vcXNq

They are long, so take your time listening. Maybe on a work commute or while cleaning lol. And if you don't like it, be honest! I can help you find other stuff you might like instead.

[egcdeath]

first of all your thoughts on patrick's honesty being stifled in succession au are so true and interesting because it's such a core part of who he is and what makes him such a great character but!! imagine him losing that over time once he gets involved with the business... like part of why you fell in love with him in the first place despite him being a mess when you met was how honest and raw he is (like how shiv can be) and then you watch that slowly go away over time, even within your relationship, once the succession plot kicks in and it hurts you because it marks a shift in your dynamic especially once you're on opposing sides. also idk how i hadn't put this together earlier but calling specifically josh o'connor's earlobes thick and chewy like barnacle meat... it's perfect.

emotional crutch is absolutely what you are to each other because yes the way tomshiv came together after logan's plane incident (lol) despite literally saying "this is it" about their marriage to each other and the outward appearance of divorce and talking shit about each other is absolutely the core of the marriage and it makes me feel crazy!! like even with all the tension and issues piling up and the marriage being doomed to implode from the start, that relationship and what you are to each other is still so important because nobody cares about him like you do and vice versa and he loves you the only way he knows how. and tom called shiv from the plane first TWICE!!! tom's perspective is also so interesting because we know he has a good relationship with his married parents especially compared to shiv so maybe how that night and day difference plays into the different ways you and patrick view children and romance and commitment and how you were the one to propose at the hospital because you thought it would be a "nice thing" (lmao) also carries over to the pregnancy and how you view parenting and how his fears affect the way you interact

and oh my god the taking the fall for jail thing... insane to think about because the depression tom had about it in s3 and how it altered his perception of shiv and the way he operated moving forward carrying over to you and the ambition you have for climbing up especially after going through that and especially if you were PREGNANT? and actually having physical connection to him and his family without him knowing? it's even crazier than shiv hiding it from tom

and for the kendallrava dynamic... i think art as stewy has a role in this relationship and tension because nobody brings out patrick's jealousy and insecurity like he does and he would stir some shit up if you were having relationship issues. it would contribute to patrick's repression of his emotions and like the blurring of art's involvement in your marriage and in the business at the same time would create such mess and of course nobody can communicate properly in the most toxic throuple of all time that never was. and the fact that you're totally removed from the business and the only reason you're still around is for patrick and your life together is very angsty and makes him basically fall to his knees for you not to leave him because the only reason you're here is him and what happens if he's not enough anymore?

also i have kind of been thinking about where tashi could possibly fit into all of this and the potential answer is right in front of my face but i totally missed it: tashi's kind of like nate. like imagine her and patrick having history and working really well together and the jealousy... ooh

(also i love you too we are on the same wavelength this is very fun <3)

it’s always such a treat to get one of these messages in my inbox 🙏🏽

all the love to josh o’connor but calling his earlobes thick and meaty and like barnacle meat is actually so funny and perfect so idk how i can NOT write that at this point!

i can see the theme of watching patrick lose his true sense of self because of all of the family politics working really well with either dynamic! i think with the kendallrava dynamic that’s just one more thing you have to watch him lose and realize that he really can’t even be honest with himself anymore, and i think with the tomshiv dynamic i can see patrick’s honesty being something you always found really refreshing from him and something that truly made him different from some of the other people you’ve been with, and you start realizing that you’re losing/lost it once it starts to become obvious to you that he’s getting caught up with his family and that it’s pretty possible that he’s having an affair. (also. tashi as nate? so extremely big brained)

the emotional crutch part is just sooo everything to me honestly. like these characters put each other through HELL. even after shiv lays into him a bit and is like we should get divorced they’re laying in bed together HOLDING HANDS!!! i’m just thinking about how devastating it would be for patrick to randomly stroll into your apartment to “grab clothes” (after you’ve just spent the day working with his father to try to undermine the deal he’s working on), wake you up, tell you that you look good, make comments about your love life, suggest that you should actually get divorced (even though you were holding onto a little hope that you could get past this), then end up in the same bed holding hands and talking about how you have it a go. nauseating. then not that later he finds out you’ve been going around to the best divorce attorneys in the city talking to them just so they can’t talk to him and how devastated he would be that you’re taking a page out of his own evil father’s book and kinda turning into him in a way. i love pain and suffering!

great points about their upbringing and how that changes the way they view things like having kids and marriage as a whole! i think reader probably always very genuinely wanted a family/stable marriage with patrick and the second that he tells her on her wedding night that he wants to try an open relationship kinda throws everything for a loop. i think she still holds out hope that their relationship will work out for strategy purposes but also because she really does love that man no matter how hard she tries to hide it! like i think maybe she’d suggest having a child while she thinks she might be going to jail for this scandal because she thinks she might get better treatment in jail if she’s pregnant but also because she actually wants his child!

i do think the taking the fall thing would probably be one of the final nails in the coffin on her side for their relationships. like that kind of betrayal would just be too much for her to personally handle. and you’re right, if she was pregnant already when that happened that would be even more devastating 😭

toxic throuple that never was patrick art and reader is very intriguing to me. except im actually going to say that art doesn’t even really want reader but he DOES want to stir shit up and make it more difficult for patrick to succeed with one more struggle he’s facing in life. i really do need to see patrick be pathetic and beg for you to stay and confess that you’re the only thing keeping him afloat and he doesn’t know what he’ll do without you, and you as reader knowing that the relationship is so bad for you but staying anyway because you love him. devastating stuff.

i know i already said tashi as nate is big brained but it really is. like just knowing of her and googling her a few times and finally meeting her right before your wedding and just knowing that patrick has very obviously been with her, probably pretty recently, is absolutely gut wrenching. maybe not worse than patrick’s sibling committing accidental vehicular manslaughter during the wedding but pretty damn bad.

ugh i love your brain!!!