#this is so unbelievably a me problem but I needed to throw it out there.

[tsukihigui]

.

[tritoch]

the other thing I find very funny about trying to write a canon compliant wol is taking all the wolship hints extremely seriously.

I don't really wolship because I'm just fundamentally not that kind of fan. But I know for those who are, the sheer number of romance hints FFXIV throws at you can be overwhelming to parse in a context where you have a preferred/intended wolship, particularly if you're not attracted to the gender the hints are coming from in the first place (a particular tip of the hat to wlw fans navigating the g'raha of it all). I've seen plenty of people write around them or write them out or be like "no aymeric was for real inviting my wol to a nice platonic zero-subtext dinner," and God bless all of you.

But it's really funny to imagine them all as all-too-real but unreciprocated or perhaps unreciprocatable. The sheer scale of it is comedy. Spoilers for all of FFXIV follow.

Oh God, the Lord Speaker wants to have dinner, just the two of us, at his family estate and not a government building. I hope he doesn't bring up his crush on me. Thal's balls he's about to bring it up—oh thank God there's an emergency. Oh no someone got hurt! Oh no it's the teenage girl with a crush on me.

Your life is a cosmic joke. You watch the Sultana get poisoned and all your friends probably die to save your life and it's kind of all your fault in some ways, I mean at the very least you should've spoken up when they gave the teenager a private army, and then the teenage boy speaks up and is like, "hey, I guess we have at least one ally. What about if we go visit that guy who is really obviously down unbelievably bad for you and wants to lick the sweat off of you." and you have to be like, yeah, Alphinaud. Great idea. Let's do it. I'll call him.

(brief interlude: also haurchefant's DEATH hits so good if you don't reciprocate. It's okay. He gets it. You're going through a lot and even if you had time to sort through your feelings maybe you're just not into him. That would be okay! You can love someone, or the idea of someone, without needing it to be romantically reciprocated. That's chivalric, even. Knightly. So he won't ask you to lie to him and say you love him as he lies dying in your arms. He's not so low as all that. But could you smile for him as you used to? That true hero's smile of yours. And you do, and he dies. And you both know he died for a lie, in a way, or a flight of fancy. And he's okay with that. Are you? Should you be? Should he?)

Then you're into Stormblood and it's like wow, okay. That last part was all high fantasy, of course there were loyal knights and elegant princes. But this is war. Imperialism. Grim business, surely there's no way—oh no BOTH handsome young revolutionary leaders seem to have a special interest in you?! And so does the Crown Prince of the Empire? Come on, man. I should get to do the whole horrors of war thing without having to also deal with this. Gaius sucked and it was weird that he let his foster daughter run around being openly obsessed with him but at least he never made it my problem.

You can't even get away from it across dimensions. Shadowbringers is a horror story about going on a teambuilding camping trip with your work colleagues for some reason except they all suddenly got really hot and they keep touching you affectionately on the shoulder and being like "I care for you and your happiness. Truly." And also you're being stalked for the whole camping trip by two old men who are obsessed with you. The false climax of the story is that the one old man tries to betray you and give a dramatic monologue about how he loves you but the two of you are doomed by the narrative and then the other old man shoots him in the back like "no actually its MY turn to betray them and give a dramatic monologue about how our love is doomed by the narrative." Then the real climax is old man #1 backstabbing old man #2 in the middle of said monologue before old man #2 dies and gives ANOTHER wistful monologue about his doomed love. Then for the patches they're like okay so we have this even CRAZIER old man who's gonna strike when you're weak and give a dramatic monolo—

and that's without even getting into the literal soulmate ghost only you can see

my warrior of light never felt more betrayed than in that scene where Y'shtola is like "haha Alisaie and G'raha have crushes on the warrior of light." Like I thought we were COOL, Y'shtola! I work here! This situation is already in such a delicate balance! Right when I got here I met Alisaie's "friend from work" who was like oh haha so YOU'RE the one she can't stop talking about and we never followed up on that because the woman died horrifically like five minutes later right in front of us! Then when Vauthry got away and we had to do all that shit with the dwarves, G'raha kept pausing every ten minutes to be like oooooh I'm so old I'm gonna die soon...at least I got to spend some time with some people who are really important to me...in fact here's what I'd tell the person who's most important to me...actually u know them really well haha. And I just had to sit there and be like wow, dude, crazy.

even in the face of apocalypse you still gotta go back in time like 12,000 years and there's somewhere there who makes you sit and listen to his story which is that the purpose of his whole godlike immortal life was to be in a throuple with you and old man #2 from the camping trip. and you just gotta sit there the whole time knowing you/your past life is the one who broke up the throuple over politics. He's like come help me harangue the old man into streaking in public, he'll do it if you ask.

then you meet and fight and kill God and you gotta turn to the team and be like hey sorry guys can you give me a sec. I'm gonna call God by her real name because we met one time for like four days and after that the promise of meeting me again was one of the things that sustained her through her millennia of suffering. Not like that but like. Idk. Just gimme a sec!

It's a relief when you finally get to Lahabrea and he's like actually I still don't fuck with your vibe. Like thank GOD.

And my WoL is very obviously dad-shaped so Dawntrail had a very specific energy for me but I understand that for plenty of people your deepening rapport with Wuk Lamat had a romantic subtext (same for Koana depending on how you read a few of his lines). And personally I think it's the height of comedy to be like, noooo, babe, your highness, I know you and your brother the king are in love with me and want me to stick around and support you emotionally through this governmental transition haha. But it's just...the cursed wineglass, babe. I GOTTA go figure out what's up with this cursed wineglass.

It's a running gag in some of the more optional content that people are like "you have an unreasonable number of hobbies and side gigs" to the WoL from time to time. But if every time you tried picking up a new hobby some new elf started baring their soul to you, you too would be like Hey Jessie (or sometimes Krile or Tataru), my good friend who is one of the only people in my life who knows what professional ethics and work-life boundaries are, any chance you need muscle on a gig on the other side of the world? Ideally with only Cid and his ex so all libidinal energy in the room is directed towards machinery or someone who isn't me?

ironically one of the only places you get a break from psychosexual obsession is the nier content

[twi-liight]

Petty Jealousy ❣

Tav's companions cannot fathom them potentially having other friends. ❥ Astarion/reader, Astarion/Tav, but also Companions/reader. I'm a Tavrem supremacist. ❥ Contains my own personal headcanon for why the companions call them "Tav" instead of their first name, which is justification for me loopholing the eternal problem of xreader writers having to wince when they use "F/N" or "Y/N". ❥ They/them pronouns for Tav/reader!

“Look,” Astarion hisses, “look at that!” 

5 pairs of eyes land on the offender of the night (which, to their surprise, isn’t Astarion) who conversed pleasantly with the leader of their party. A half-elf with a sharp jaw, proud brow, and mirthful eyes looks extraordinarily ordinary compared to their merry band of freaks. 

“Who is that, again?” Shadowheart asks absently. “Tav suggested I rest for today instead of mapping out the Underdark with the party, and the next thing I know, they’ve brought back another little companion.” 

Astarion’s jaw twitches. He snaps out, “Companion or complication?”

Gale crosses his arms, shrugging, used to Astarion’s temper running hot then cold. “His name is Nilmorn - a luthier. Tav took an interest in his wares. He makes a living selling stringed instruments in the Underdark. Strange place to sell such things.” 

Ugh. Astarion sighs, shaking his head. Leave it to Gale to traipse over the obvious. A sharpened mind like his would surely know that this Nilmorn has no place here, if not to be a bloodbag for him to slurp on. Beyond that, what use does this pretty boy have? Nilmorn sells wares that are utterly useless to them. He’s quite boring and one-dimensional, too, a character that strays too much into the side of “moral good” for Astarion to tolerate. 

 “Yes, yes, Gale, but have you considered how strange it is that he has invited himself to our camp?” Astarion flares out his hand towards the wizard, as if handing him common sense on his palm. 

“I,” Gale begins, blinking his wet, beautiful brown eyes at Astarion, “invited myself to this journey, Astarion. I am quite hurt you forgot. I thought what we had was special!” 

“Yes, but you’re weird!” Astarion exclaims. “You’re a freak with a bomb in your body because of your situationship with Mystra! That,” Astarion points an accusatory finger in the direction of Nilmorn, in which 5 pairs of eyes look at him again, “is someone so unbelievably normal he doesn’t even have any, any…” He gestures, articulates with his hands to placate his words. 

“No dubious motives?” Shadowheart offers, a smirk coyly playing on her lips. 

“No complicated backstory?” Wyll pipes in. Astarion’s eyes flicker to him, and irritation seeps into his skin when he finds Wyll smiling wryly, as if the warlock is in on some joke he is not picking up on. “No, I don’t know, god that has let him down in some way, shape, or form?” 

“Certainly no skills for fighting.” Lae’zel, thank the gods for Lae’zel. Her smooth voice hides none of her displeasure, and those sharp, slitted eyes stare across the fire to dig daggers into Nilmorn’s back. “Useless. We have no need for string-ed instruments. Let Tav pick one, and send this half-elf on his way.” 

Yes. Yes. Astarion nods eagerly.

“Hmmm. I almost envy his mundaneity,” Karlach adds,  “but I mean, he’s not that bad, Astari. Man’s just trying to make the world a better place, one string at a time.” 

Astarion almost throws up. He looks to the other companions helplessly. “Darlings. Please tell me you are not going to let Karlach get away with saying something so putridly motivational.” 

Karlach tosses her head back and cackles, much to Astarion's chagrin.

“Something is obviously bothering you,” Shadowheart states bluntly. Her green eyes watch his expression carefully in the firelight; she finds something there, but does not say it outright. With an exhale through her nose, as if it is painful for her to attempt a conversation with him, Shadowheart decides to throw him a bone: “Are you jealous?” 

He does not catch the bone. The bone slams right into his head as he stares at Shadowheart, slack-jawed and scandalized. Him? Jealous? “You must be joking.”

“Aw,” Shadowheart croons, another one of her insufferable smirks toying on her lips, “you are.” 

If he had mindflayer powers beyond reading her reprehensible surface-level thoughts, he would make Shadowheart’s head explode. Or something. 

He must establish his dignity in the group once more. He cannot handle more of this, especially not with Wyll grinning so wide, not self-aware enough that if he did not have a sexy demon controlling his life because he didn’t read the terms of conditions of a motherfucking contract, Astarion would bully him more.

“That is not the point here. Look,” he says. “I am just saying that our Tav is desirable in every way. Physically, we can all agree that Tav is attractive. Yes?” 

Yes. They all nod their heads. 

“Tav is a little strange, but they are our leader, and they got us this far somehow. Who knew caring about other people could go a long way.” 

Yes. They all nod their heads, except Wyll and Karlach, who look amongst the group with sheer disappointment on their faces. “Gods,” Karlach groans into her hand, “we– we need to unpack that later, gang. That’s just really sad.” 

“Lastly, Tav is strong. Strong enough to split apart the mountains and the sky, I imagine.” Strong enough to bury Cazador into the ground, hopefully. “Strong enough to face a god unwaveringly. Strong enough to persevere. Strong enough to be kind, despite everything. Despite what they think, they are charismatic, and they are the entire package. The only person who does not know of their value is Tav themselves.” 

They watch Tav’s lips quirk into a smile as Nilmorn holds a lyre out for them upon his smooth hands. Smooth, no sign of scars, no sign of complications. Just so unbearably mundane. Unbearably good. Unbearably kind. 

Unbearably unaware of their true nature.

Nilmorn does not know why they nicknamed them Tav, despite their name being [F/N]. Their unstoppable quench to loot everything and anything set back their timeline by weeks, no doubt. Reaching into barrels, reaching into the pockets of bandits, reaching into damn silk cocoons, reaching into whatever their curious little hands can salvage. It annoyed Astarion at first, but then Tav would find all of these weapons and armors and foods and coins and books. Normalcies and luxuries that made camp life feel less of a drab and more exciting. 

The gleaming, golden dagger at his side? They found it. The boots, the armor, the enchanted rings and necklaces they either found, bartered, or killed for their companions. Thus - Tav, short for tavara, the word meaning wares and merchandise; a clever little nickname Gale came up for their leader who is too good for all of them combined. 

“Any other party could whisk them away, you know,” Astarion says. “Tav could find a party of good, decent people, unlike any of us, without the mess and complication and hurt we cause them, and leave. Remember, my dears. It is not us who is irreplaceable. It is Tav.” 

How long would Tav tolerate him? Not long, he thinks. Long enough until he has expended his use for them, surely, but not forever. That's why anyone who wants Tav beyond sex or strength is a threat. If he hadn’t seduced his way into their heart, he wouldn’t be here where he stands, with a group of people who make him feel a little less alone. 

No doubt he would be in a cage on the back of a covered wagon that belongs to that disgusting gyr, Gandrel, his chain to Cazador growing shorter and shorter.

Silence. Tense and still. They watch as Tav laughs lightly, eyes alighting with amusement as Nilmorn cracks another joke. 

"You should meet my other companions," they hear Nilmorn offer, "I just know they would love to have you."

Revelation slams into each and every one of them like a magic missile.

“He’s not that funny,” Shadowheart mutters. She bends down, hands gripping tightly around the handle of her mace. “I don’t know why they are laughing that hard.”

“He can try to leave with his head on his shoulders,” snarls Lae’zel, “just say the word, Astarion.” 

Excellent. 

“What-” Wyll turns to Gale and Karlach. “We should stop them, shouldn’t we? There are no implications of this man trying to steal Tav away, he's just being nice, you worthless cunts! This is not fair to him!” 

“We’re in the Underdark, aren’t we? Super deep. Doubt anyone who cares for him will come looking for him.” 

“Karlach!” 

“Astute observation! To make this all a little easier on us, I can most certainly put this man to sleep.” 

“Gale?!” 

“Go on, Lae’zel,” Astarion grins wickedly, “attack!”

“Oh, hells,” Wyll stumbles back, then turns quickly to the other direction towards Halsin. “Halsin! Halsin - they’re trying to murder someone again!” 

❥ Additional links: kofi | ao3

[tsuutarr]

I Want to Pepper You In Kisses

Pairing: Arven x GN!Reader

Word count: 10K

Genres: fluff, hurt/comfort if you squint

Summary: Somehow, Arven’s journey to find Herba Mystica ended with him falling in love with you.

Before Arven falls in love with you, he’s not entirely sure what to make of you. He honestly finds you a nuisance, along with that hyperactive student council president. Seeing the brute out and about feeds into his annoyance, too. 

“What’re you doing out here?!” he yells, pointing an accusatory finger at the Pokémon his parent loved more than they loved him.

“Hey, please don’t get too angry – this sweetheart here helped me out,” you say.

Arven scoffs. “I’m not talking to you two. You can shove off.”

He expects you to get angry then and leave, but you don’t. Instead, your gaze softens for some unknown reason and he can’t maintain eye contact, so he looks away.

Then, the stupid student council president mentions his relation to the “great professor,” making anger course through his veins.

“It doesn’t matter who my parent is!” He crosses his arms, eyes narrowed into a glare as he tries to fight the bitterness rising in his chest. “The real issue here is what in the world this Pokémon is doing out here. And what’s with this form it’s in?”

“See, we heard this strange cry, and we tried to investigate it, but…” Nemona begins.

“But I fell off a cliff.” You give a small shrug with an awkward grin. “It wasn’t intentional.”

“And as mentioned earlier, this Pokémon came to the rescue!” Nemona beams. “But it seems like it wore itself out in the process. It got kinda… slumpy afterward. But you shoulda seen it before! It looked totally different – it was unbelievably strong!”

“Well, yeah. As it should be. But it can’t fight while it’s like this. The form you saw it take in battle – that’s its true form.”

“Heh,” you pat the brute’s head lovingly and Arven briefly wonders how your fingers would feel ruffling through his hair. He quickly shoves the thought from his mind. “You’re quite strong, huh?”

“...I don’t remember ever seeing you around. But given the uniform… You go to the academy too, do you?” he asks, making you nod. “Well, that brute isn’t the sort of Pokémon any old trainer can hope to command. It’s special.”

“Well, it definitely does seem that way,” you agree amicably as if he didn’t just insult your fighting prowess. Why aren’t you mad? Why aren’t you ignoring him? Why aren’t you… Ugh. He’s really not used to it and maybe that’s why he asks his next question.

“You think you’re up to ordering it around? Then how ‘bout I test your worthiness?”

You pause, seemingly surprised at his offer. You make eye contact with the brute who blinks at you, before cuddling its head into your side lovingly. You can’t help but laugh as you agree to battle him.

“I’ve been feeling all out of sorts, so I’m gonna use this battle to blast these doldrums away!” he announces, throwing out his newly caught Skowvet. He’s not really sure what outcome he expected, but he definitely didn’t expect you to absolutely pulverize him in battle.

“Good job,” you murmur sweetly as your starter Pokémon hops over to you, nuzzling your hand as you pet it. Arven can’t help but think about how warm your eyes look then, but he quickly glances away, afraid of being caught. You glance at Arven, who’s withdrawing his Pokémon into its ball. Smiling at him, you approach him, offering your hand. “Good battle.”

He doesn’t take it, instead opting to shove his Poké Ball back into his pocket. “I guess I wasn’t ever going to stand a chance using some Pokémon I’d only just caught…” he mutters. “But if you really think you can take that brute off my hands for me… you’ll need this. It’s its Poké Ball.”

You take it with a nod and a smile. “Thank you.”

Arceus, he’s really not used to people being nice to him. Or smiling. Or anything, really, so the softness in your expression throws him off wholly, making his ears feel hot. “Anyway,” he clears his throat, “that thing’s your problem now, not mine. Good luck.”

“Mhm,” you agree. “Thanks.”

“Yeah,” he says dumbly, “Uh. See you around, I guess.”

“See you!”

Arceus, he’s really not sure what to make of you.

His stance on your existence is further complicated as rumors about you seem to float around the school. He’s positive that the Academy has new students all the time, but for some reason you seem to stand out – and what’s this about you fighting Team Star? You’re definitely having some kind of day. Falling off a cliff, getting pawned an annoying Pokémon, beating up some Team Star grunt… you just seem to attract trouble.

Trouble…

An idea pops up in his head.

The next time he sees you, it’s during lunchtime. He notices you almost immediately and he tries to ignore the implications of that. He’s surprised to not see the annoying student council president next to you, but he takes it as his opportunity and slides up next to you as you browse the food selection in the cafeteria. “Oh, hey!” he catches your attention and you turn to him with a tilt of your head. He half expects your face to morph into one of disappointment but it doesn’t and it makes him feel… soft. Weird. He shoves the feeling down. “You remember me, right?”

You raise an inquisitive eyebrow, your lips twitching upwards. “I don’t think we’ve met…”

He must’ve made an odd expression, because a laugh jumps out of your throat.

“I’m kidding. From the lighthouse?’

“Yeah, exactly!” Arven feels oddly cozy. “That’s my little know-it-all buddy. Got a mind like a steel trap, eh?”

You blink at him, before saying, “I wouldn’t say that,” with a snort. “Ah, but I don’t think I’ve introduced myself –”

“Don’t worry about it.” Arven says your name. “That’s your name, right? The whole school seems to be talking about you. The new kid who showed up as the president of the student council.”

You scrunch up your nose a little at that. “I didn’t think I’d stand out that much.”

You stand out for a lot of reasons, Arven wanted to say, but instead says, “I normally wouldn’t even bother showing up for class, but I came all the way to school today just to talk to you, actually. Our new celebrity. You’ve gotta help me out so I can finally make my dream a reality!”

“Happy to help!” you respond, making him blink.

“Uh? What kind of little maniac says yes to something without knowing what they’re agreeing to?!”

“Well, you said it’s your dream, right?” you offer him a smile. “I dunno, I guess I’ve always admired people with dreams. Don’t really have any myself, so…” you give him a shrug. “What’s this dream?”

Your kindness makes him feel a little sick. He’s using you and you’re willing to be used – but before guilt can really settle in, he nods. Arven begins his spiel about picnics and sandwiches and health foods and he knows he’s rambling but you listen patiently. “...So. That’s the gist.” He rubs the nape of his neck. “I really want to get those herbs myself, but… I’m not very good at Pokémon battles. Don’t have any friends with strong Pokémon to lend me a hand, either.” Well, he didn’t really have friends, period, but he wasn’t going to say that. “And I’d never hear the end of it if I went crawling to that student council girl.” Arven inhales. “But then you waltz up! You’ve got to help me out with this – you’d be perfect!”

“Well–”

“Nope! Wait! I don’t need an answer yet! I’ll just register the places where it seems there might be Titans in your map app for you.” 

You laugh. “Well, I’ve pretty much made my decision, but okay.”

“Just let it stew a bit,” Arven insists. “And we can get more into the details later.”

“Gotcha,” you nod. “I’ll get some food in the meantime. Wanna join?”

“I have places to be,” Arven responds. “I’ll talk to you later.”

“All right, fine by me. See you!”

When Arven leaves the cafeteria, he regrets not taking you up on your offer. But he pushes the thought away, fiddling with the old Poké Ball in his pocket – he has places to be.

When he sees you again, he almost groans in annoyance at seeing Nemona with you. Surely chattering on about battles. Again.

“Hey, little buddy!” he yells, running up to you both. Arven gives you a little nod of acknowledgement, before narrowing his eyes at Nemona. “Tch. How’s that for a student council president! Giving your own friends an insider advantage?”

You stand, an amused expression on your face, as Arven and Nemona argue.

“I can do both, you know.” You finally say, trying to appease them. Pulling out your Rotom Phone, you show them the places marked on your map app. “See? They’re all pretty close to each other. I’ll do them all as I tackle Paldea.”

“So you’ll challenge the gyms?” Nemona asks, a sparkle in her eyes. As you nod, she cheers. “En serio? How exciting!”

“...Tch, fine. As long as you help me tackle the Titans, I guess.” Arven relents. “Well, I’m outta here. Catch up soon, little buddy!”

You laugh. “I will!”

Arven won’t admit it, but his steps feel lighter at your agreement to help him.

---

The first time Arven falls in love with you, he doesn’t even realize he’s fallen. Instead, he recognizes the overwhelming sense of relief at seeing you run up to him.

“Hey, Arven!”

“Hey,” he says, his tense shoulders relaxing by seeing your smile.

“How’ve you been?”

“Eh, the usual,” he responds, before awkwardly tacking on, “You?”

“Heh, I’ve been good,” you respond. “You ready to look for the Stony Cliff Titan?”

Arven snorts. “You’re more excited than me.”

“What can I say?” your gaze is so kind as you look at him that it makes his cheeks warm. “I want to help you achieve your dream.”

“All right, all right,” he huffs, though he can’t help the smile that sneaks up on his face. “Let’s split up then, yeah? It should be around this area, but we can cover more ground this way.”

“Sounds good to me! Call me if you find it, okay?”

“‘Course,” Arven responds. “Same to you!”

He hadn’t expected to hear from you so fast. “Arven!” you exclaim, “I found it – whoa, dodge that!” you command as a rock hurtles towards your Pokémon. “Yeesh, this thing is huge!”

“I’m on my way!” he hurriedly says, worry lacing his voice. He couldn’t help it – you were battling a Titan by yourself. You guys were supposed to fight it together! 

“Hah, don’t hurt yourself while rushing over here,” you laugh with ease and he’s surprised at how much your voice calms him down. “I’ll hold down the fort.”

Despite your words of assurance, he finds himself rushing to you. He can’t let you get hurt so early in the hunt, after all. 

When he gets to where you are, you’ve already done a lot of damage to the Titan. His mouth gapes in surprise at the huge size of the Pokémon, as well how cheery you are as you wave at him. “Hey, Arven!” you beam.

“Behind you!” he yells, and you hurriedly turn your attention back to the battle, commanding your Pokémon to counterattack. He won’t lie – you look kind of cool like this. Like a hero. His hero. Arceus, that’s embarrassing, Arven thinks, burying that thought deep into the crevices of his brain.

“Thanks!”

“No problem, but… that’s the Stony Cliff Titan? No Klawf has got any business being that big!” 

“Agreed,” you laugh, before tilting your head as you see the Klawf scrambling away. “Uh… Where’s it going?”

“It’s heading inside that cave…?” Arven’s eyes widen when the Klawf scrambles back outside with something in its hand.

“Do you think that’s–”

“A Herba Mystica!”

You and Arven watch as the Klawf gobbles the herb and it begins to glow, shaking with some immense power.

“You think it’s gonna be even stronger now, after eating all those herbs? Let’s watch ourselves!”

“You got it!” you nod. “I trust you to have my back!”

Arven can feel ears warm again as he tosses out his Shellder. You trusted him? You actually trusted him to have your back. Well, he can admit the feeling is mutual, at least. And, he won’t admit it to you, but watching you battle is riveting. The way your eyes shine, the confidence in your directions, you standing by his side – it makes his heart beat so fast he isn’t sure what to do with himself.

Adrenaline is still pumping through his veins when you’ve defeated the Titan, making his limbs feel jittery. His heart beats even faster as you turn to him, eyes crinkled at the sides as you raise your hand for a high five. Cute, he thinks as his palm makes contact with yours.

“We did it!” you cheer.

“Yeah,” he feels kind of breathless, but he can’t help the wide smile that overtakes his features. “Look at you – my little buddy; coming through like a champ!”

“I couldn’t have done it without you,” you respond, and Arven’s heart warms because he knows you could’ve done it without him. You’re so much better than him, after all.

He shakes his head at the thought, feeling his heart jolt painfully.

“These Titan Pokémon are… yeesh. I sure don’t like having something so tough out to get me.”

“Don’t worry!” When your laugh resounds again, Arven wonders how you can be so happy. “If they come for you, I’ll get them.”

His face heats up again as he clears his throat. “Anyway, I’m sure there’s more Herba Mystica somewhere back there – quick, let’s have a look before it comes back.”

You follow after Arven, asking, “Which one do you think we’ll find?”

“According to the book, it’s the Sweet Herba Mystica–”

“Whoa!” you trip, making Arven act faster than he thought possible. He grabs your arm as you stabilize yourself.

“Watch your step, it’s pretty dark,” Arven murmurs, removing his hand from your arm. He clenches his hand, still feeling your lingering warmth.

“Sorry, sorry,” you say.

“Nah, don’t apologize.” Arven pauses. “Uh, and if it helps… you can, uh, grab onto my vest or something.”

“I’ll take you up on that, actually,” you huff out a laugh, fingers gently grabbing the back of his vest. Arceus why did he offer this? He feels like he’s gonna die from how fast his heart is beating. Now he has to deal with making sure you both don’t trip and the thought makes him nervous (which is definitely, definitely the only reason his heart is beating so fast).

Before Arven can dwell in his thoughts for too long, his feet stop, making you bump into his back.

“Oof!”

 Arven wants to apologize, but he can’t as his throat constricts at the sight of the pink herb glimmering in the dark. “It’s – it’s real. It’s real!” He feels like crying, but he holds it in, taking in a shaking breath. “Let’s see… The book says that the Sweet Herba Mystica is good for gut health and that it helps aid digestion. Says it’s good for stomach aches, too, or when you want to stimulate an appetite!”

“Heh, that battle stimulated my appetite enough,” you hum and Arven can’t help but agree.

“...Now, if I can just get him to eat some…”

You look at him curiously, but don’t pry, which he’s grateful for.

“All right! Now it’s my turn to show off what I can do. You’re about to get a taste of my cooking!”

“Looking forward to it!” you respond and Arven can feel a grin come on his face as he prepares to cook.

He first learned how to cook all those years ago because he was the only one who could take care of himself. His parent was always too busy to take care of him, after all, so he could only really rely on himself and Mabosstiff. Well, it worked out in the end – him cooking turned out to be a good enough bribe for you to help him, which he really didn’t expect. He was so used to expecting people to help him and no one coming through, so you being there felt odd. But it wasn’t a bad thing, really. He… just hopes you’ll be able to stick around till the end. Just until he can get all the herbs, at least.

Somehow, the thought that you won’t talk to him after you get all the herbs kind of bothers him.

“Here you go!” Arven announces, trying to rid himself of his thoughts. He hands you the plate with a sandwich on it.

“Oh, that looks delicious!” you beam, making his heart swell with pride.

“It’s an Arven-original sandwich packed full of herbs! And–” he digs through his pocket, handing you something that looks like a badge. “–I’ll even give you this. It’s called a Titan Badge. I modeled it after the gym badges.”

You let out a whistle. “This looks genuine,” you marvel. “You’re really good with your hands.”

“Nah, it’s really nothing,” he bashfully says, but the moment is interrupted as the brute springs out of its Poké Ball. “What’s up with that thing? It just comes out of its ball whenever it wants?”

“I guess?” you respond, patting your Pokémon lovingly. It purrs underneath your touch, before sniffing at your sandwich.

“Hey now,” Arven says. “That’s not for you.”

Even as Arven says that, you give the sandwich to the brute, making Arven sigh. He’s starting to think you’re a complete pushover.

“Hey! I went through all the trouble of making that for you, and you just give it away? I hope you realize that’s all there was, so now there’s none left for you.”

“Oh.” You hum in thought. “That’s fine, don’t worry. Sorry about giving your sandwich away, though.”

Your kind gaze makes Arven heave out another sigh. “Aw, come on! Now you’re making me feel bad,” he grumbles without any real bite. He cuts his own sandwich in half, offering it to you.

“Oh, you really don’t have to–”

“Just take it,” he responds. “You fought hard, y’know. You should eat.”

“...Thanks.” You take the sandwich from him. He watches you expectantly as you take a huge bite and he’d be lying if he wasn’t absolutely ecstatic when he sees your eyes light up. “This is good!”

“Heh, I’m glad you think so!” he boasts, pleased, before he looks at your Pokémon. “Hey… is it just me or has your brute–”

You clear your throat.

“–your partner gotten… stronger?”

“I think so,” you tilt your head. “You think you got stronger, ‘Don?”

“Agias!” it responds, making you laugh.

He stares at the way you two interact with each other and there’s this twinge of something that stabs at him. At one point, that was how he and his Mabosstiff interacted.

“Arven?” you ask him, cautiously. 

He swallows. “The power of these herbs is really something! If they had that big of an effect on your Pokémon, then I bet…” he trails off. “I’ll start cleaning up – don’t worry about it!” he waves you away when you approach him to help. “You’ve done more than enough by defeating that Titan Pokémon. Leave the rest to me. Just… if you can, it’d be great if you could get started on searching out the other Herba Mystica for us.”

“You got it,” you salute. “See you, Arven. Thanks again for the sandwich!”

He watches as you disappear out of the cave, whispering, “I really owe you one.” He inhales, before carefully letting his Mabosstiff out. It’s been a while since Arven’s heard Mabosstiff’s bark, but he still can’t help the disappointment that settles in his bones when he sees that all his partner can do is heave labored breaths. Gently, Arven combs his fingers through Mabosstiff’s thick fur. “Hey, buddy,” he murmurs. “You think you can eat this for me?”

Mabosstiff merely whines in response and Arven can feel his heart clench uncomfortably.

“It’s okay, bud.” Arven breaks off small chunks of the sandwich, feeding them to Mabosstiff one by one, carefully watching Mabosstiff’s reaction. 

Mabosstiff, the sweet friend that he is, slowly but surely eats what Arven offers. 

“You know,” Arven says, scratching behind Mabosstiff’s ear. “I actually made this with someone else.”

In response to Arven’s words, Mabosstiff nuzzles into Arven’s knee. It’s a soft gesture that makes tears well up in Arven's eyes.

“Yeah, I just met them recently but… they’ve agreed to help me help you,” Arven begins, still gently patting his Pokémon. Arven begins talking about how strong you are and how pretty you are when you smile. How cool you are when you fight. Recounting stories about you, little snippets about how you laugh or how you say certain words, makes Arven’s heart feel strangely warm and before he knows it, Mabosstiff has been lulled to sleep, paws warmer than before.

---

The second time Arven falls in love with you, he’s so overwhelmed by your kindness that he doesn’t realize he’s in love.

“Second Titan down!” you cheer, holding up your hand for another high five. Arven can’t help but grin back, hitting your palm with his. There’s a pleasant tingle that spreads out across his palm.

“You were amazing there, y’know?” he says, adjusting his bag, which makes you peer at him curiously.

“Isn’t that heavy?”

“Nah, I’ve been lugging this thing for a while, so…” he shakes his head, tilting his chin towards the direction of the cave. “Let’s get goin’ before the Titan comes back for seconds.”

“You got it!” you agree, following after Arven.

“If we’re lucky, there’ll be another herb here…”

“Over there!” you point, making the both of you run to it.

“It’s a Herba Mystica!” Arven grins, looking at the green herb. “Thanks, really. If I can just get him to eat this…” his voice turns quiet as he gazes at the herb in silence. It’s the second herb out of five and Arven desperately, desperately hopes this will do something to help Mabosstiff.

“Arven…”

He lightly smacks his cheeks with his hands, trying to get rid of his negative thoughts. “Okay, let me whip something up for us!” 

“...Okay,” you say softly with a smile. “Waiting for a good meal, chef.”

“You can count on it!” he responds as he gets ready to cook. It’s something he’s noticed lately, but sometimes he thinks about you while he’s cooking. It’s kinda embarrassing since you’re right there, but he can’t really help it. He didn’t think you’d pull through for a second time, which, maybe he shouldn’t have doubted you, but years of disappointment made it hard for him to expect things from anyone that isn’t him. Still, he’s so grateful because really, no matter how good his cooking is, there’s no reason to help him. After all, it wasn’t like you considered him a friend or anything yet, right…? 

It would be nice if you did, though.

“All right, all done!” Arven announces. “Here you go! My special, whimsical, herb-filled super sandwich! And it comes with a Titan Badge!”

“I’m still impressed with how good these look.”

“Heh, I’m glad you – aw, come on! You again?” Arven groans, seeing your brutish partner pop out. It nuzzles into your side again, looking at you with big doe eyes as it begs for your sandwich. The brute took his parent, and now it’s trying to take you, too? He can’t help but feel a little jealous – wait. Jealous? Why would he feel jealous…? Arven shakes his head, trying to get his thoughts in order. Still, he can’t help but pout when the Pokémon looks at him and mewls. “...Hmph. Is it trying to say thanks or something?”

“Maybe,” you laugh. “It really liked your sandwich. I’m not a bad cook or anything, but ‘Don will longingly stare in the distance sometimes when it eats my cooking – probably thinking about yours, heh.”

Arven clears his throat to tamper out the embarrassment that he’s feeling. “Well, it’s a good thing I made extra, then.”

“Oh?” there’s a teasing glint in your eyes that makes his cheeks flush.

“I just made extra ‘cause you’ve been helpin’ me a lot!” there’s a small frown on his face, though it’s not malicious, “I definitely, absolutely, did not make extra for your partner.”

You raise your hands as a testament of peace, though there’s still a teasing grin on your face because you both know he’s lying. He’s thankful when you don’t push, though, instead opting to take his sandwich from him. “This smells great, Arven!” Beside you, your partner yips happily, nudging you to hurry up and feed it. With a laugh – one that Arven absolutely does not think is cute – you give your partner its sandwich. After it gobbles down its sandwich, it glows brilliantly, making Arven’s eyebrows rise.

“Did it grow stronger again?”

“I think so!” you beam, patting your Pokémon. “Look at you go!”

“Man… these Herba Mystica really do pack a punch, huh? I mean, they ought to, or else–” Arven’s eyes widen as your Pokémon lumbers over to an extra sandwich on the table. The Pokémon’s action makes rage bolt through Arven, but even more than that, panic. “Don’t you dare touch that – it isn’t for you!” His shoulders are tense as he yells, his voice echoing throughout the cave. Both you and your Pokémon blink in surprise and Arven tries his best to control his ragged breathing, but it’s hard.

“Arven,” you murmur, placing a hand on his shoulder. He expected you to slap him for yelling at your Pokémon, so your soft touch gives him whiplash. “I’m sorry about ‘Don. Are you all right?”

“Yeah – yeah.” He’s not sure why you’re able to help calm him down so quickly, but there’s a sense of peace that thrums through his veins, allowing him to think a little clearer. “Yeah.”

“‘Don.” There’s a chastising lilt to it that makes your Pokémon bow its head apologetically. It purrs, slinking away from the table and curling up.

“...I’m sorry, too. I shouldn’t have shouted like that…” Arven inhales, the air feeling heavy in his lungs. “I… guess I should at least tell you the full story.” Fiddling with the Poké Ball in his pocket, Arven intakes another deep breath, before letting his beloved Mabosstiff out. “This is Mabosstiff, my partner.” Arven takes the extra sandwich off of the table, breaking it into smaller chunks and feeding it to Mabosstiff. “Here you go, bud. Eat up. This sandwich should help you feel better. Slowly now. Take your time. Small bites are fine. Just chew nice and slow…”

Mabosstiff does as instructed, slowly, but surely, eating out of Arven’s hand. You watch the scene silently, but kneel down next to Arven. It’s an odd feeling, but Arven can’t help but appreciate the fact that you’re still here.

“...My buddy here was… hurt pretty bad a while ago. Real bad, in fact. He never really recovered,” Arven says, feeling tears well up in his throat.

“Oh, Arven… I’m so sorry,” you murmur, hand gently rubbing his back. Before he’s cognizant of what’s happening, you’ve drawn him to your chest, giving him a hug. You have to angle yourself a little oddly because he’s so much taller than you, but that fact just makes his heart feel even more warm. He can’t really bring himself to hug you back fully, but he grabs the back of your shirt as he tries to steady his breathing.

“Nothing seems to help,” his voice cracks, “not potions, not Pokémon Centers… Nothing.” Inhaling deeply, he closes his eyes. “Mabosstiff here is the only thing in the world I care about. The only thing… So, I promised that I’d make him better – whatever it takes.”

“And that’s why we’re here.”

“Yeah.”

“You must’ve done your research,” you hum. “I’m impressed you found this out.”

“I was desperate,” he murmurs, basking in your warmth for a beat longer, before pulling away and pulling out a book. “I – this book… I found it in my parent’s lab. It’s full of legends and stuff, things nobody’d usually believe…” Saying it aloud makes it dawn on him how kind you actually are – when he asked for your help, he’d asked without knowing if any of this had any substance or value yet you agreed. “...But I believe it.” His gaze meets yours. “As an example, Mabosstiff’s paws have gotten warmer when he first ate Herba Mystica – I’m sure of it!”

Arven’s gaze sweeps back to Mabosstiff who is still chewing his food.

“Oh! You done eating, bud?” Arven murmurs, threading his fingers through Mabosstiff’s thick fur. There’s a twinge of anxiety as Arven gazes at his beloved companion. Something – anything, please, Arven thinks, teeth worrying his bottom lip. 

Slowly, Mabosstiff’s eyes open, making Arven’s breath hitch in his throat.

“H–hey, Mabosstiff! Can… can you see? Are your eyes open?” Tears clog his throat again as he sniffs. “Yes! It… It’s been so long since he was able to open his eyes! I was so worried–” he sniffs “–oh man, I–! I’m so–! I’m so glad!”

You rub gentle circles on Arven’s back as you allow him to bask in his relief while crying.

“Thank you, really,” he finally says, making you laugh.

“It’s all you, Arven, promise.” Your gaze is contemplative as you tap your fingers against your knee. “Do you mind if I pet him?”

“Ah… Well, what do you say, Mabosstiff?”

Mabosstiff looks at you and you look back with a smile.

“He says yes,” Arven supplies helpfully.

“I’m glad you told me,” you laugh. “I couldn’t tell.” Still, you gently take your hands and scratch behind Mabosstiff’s ear, which he seems to like. Watching you carefully handle his buddy makes an indescribable emotion well up in Arven – he’s really not sure what to make of it, but he wants to burn the image of you and Mabosstiff into his brain.

“Aw, look at him look at you!” Arven huffs out a laugh. “Those fiery orange little eyes… Hard to tell if they’re open or not, but I know the difference!”

“Hah, I don’t doubt it,” you respond, giving Mabosstiff one last scratch before drawing your hand away.

“The power of these herbs really is amazing!” Arven beams, feeling a lot better after crying. “I’m gonna get the rest of these herbs and bring Mabosstiff to full health.”

“Sounds like a plan,” you agree, making Arven awkwardly clear his throat. He knows that you’ve been nothing but kind to him, but he still feels a little shy around you now that things are dawning on him. He’s revealed his real reason for hunting Herba Mysticas and he’s cried in front of you, which is honestly pretty mortifying. But you take it in stride and for some reason, in his eyes, you’re glowing. Not wanting to bask in his awkwardness, he clears his throat.

“So… uh, yeah. That’s my story. Just… just three more to go.”

“Just three more to go,” you agree, before taking his hands into yours. Arven swears his heart just stopped. “Arven, I promise you that we’ll find the remaining herbs. We’re gonna bring Mabosstiff to full health, you’ll see.”

“Yeah,” he breathes, the passion in your eyes swallowing him whole.

You give his hands another squeeze before drawing away, making Arven really, really miss your warmth.

“We got this, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Arven agrees, nodding. “We do.”

---

The third time Arven falls in love with you, it’s because he realizes he finds comfort in your presence. You’ve just defeated the third Titan, and Arven can’t believe how amazing it feels. You’re both over halfway done with this quest – over half. He didn’t even think he’d be able to find one Herba Mystica, but somehow, with you, he’s found three. 

“Another successful search!” he beams, looking at the glowing herb. “We’re on a roll!”

“We are!” you agree, covered in mud from head to toe. The sight makes Arven laugh. “What?”

“Ah – it’s nothin’ to worry about,” he says, but the grin on his face says otherwise. Your eyes narrow and he can’t help but think it’s so freaking cute. 

“Hmph, I help a guy out and all he does is laugh at me…”

“And make you sandwiches,” he helpfully adds, making you snort.

“That too, I guess. Hm…”  you peer at him curiously, before digging through your pockets. Arven watches you curiously as you pull out a handkerchief. You stand on your toes, trying to reach his height as you carefully wipe his face. Arven stops breathing as you focus on him. “Okay, I think that’s as good as it’s gonna get,” you huff with a smile. “I can’t really do anything about your clothes, though. Sorry.”

“You–” Arven lets out a sigh, before bellowing out a laugh that makes you jump. “I really don’t know what to expect with you.”

“Thanks?”

Arven shakes his head with fondness, still feeling warmth radiate through his limbs. He digs through his bag, pulling out a fluffy Maschiff themed towel and handing it to you.

You take the toweling, blinking in confusion. “Thanks…?”

“You think I’m in a state?” he huffs, watching the expression on your face. You’re cute, Arven decides, but doesn’t put more thought into it because he’s so sure everyone finds you cute. 

“Is that why you were laughing?” you ask, finally, nose scrunching up. “I’m covered in mud, aren’t I?”

“Yup,” Arven responds with a smile. “Clean yourself up and I’ll get some food going.”

“Sounds good,” you reply, backing away from the picnic table. 

Arven watches you from the corner of his eye as you wipe your face and clothes, scrunching your nose in disdain. The sight makes him smile to himself as he begins to cook. Smiling wasn’t something he did too often before meeting you, but there’s just something about you that makes his lips quirk upwards. 

“Sorry to keep you waiting!” he exclaims, walking to where you’re sitting and handing you a plate. “Another one of your favorite ol’ Arven sandwiches with a side of Titan Badge!”

“Thank you!” you beam, still caked in mud but somehow glowing. 

“It’s nothing–” Arven snorts as your Pokémon pops out of its Poké Ball. “Figured this might happen. Don’t worry – I made extra this time for that partner of yours.”

“Thanks, Arven,” you beam, your partner chirping beside you in agreement.

“Yeah, no problem.” Arven fiddles with his Poké Ball for a bit, before gently letting Mabosstiff out. Shallow, but heavy, heaves leave Mabosstiff’s bruised body and Arven can feel his heart break, but he pushes on. Arven carefully breaks the sandwich down into smaller chunks, feeding it to Mabosstiff. “That’s it. Small bites, small bites…”

“Ah, ‘Don, slow down!”

Your voice makes him temporarily turn his attention to you, which allows him to observe your partner swallowing the sandwich whole.

“Ah, c’mon,” Arven huffs without malice. “At least bother to taste it before you swallow it right down, would you?”

You offer him a sheepish smile. “Uhm, if it’s any solace… I’m savoring every bite. It’s very good.”

Your words make Arven’s expression ease, a sense of comfort flooding through him. “That’s good, I’m glad.” For a brief moment, he stares at you eating his sandwich with glee, a sense of calm washing over him before his gaze shifts to Mabosstiff to assess Mabosstiff’s condition. “Oh. You done with your sandwich, Mabosstiff?”

A small sound escapes Mabosstiff, making both Arven and your eyes widen.

“R–ruff?! You… you heard that too, right?!” Bright teal eyes wet with tears turn to look at you. “Mabosstiff just woofed, right? Right?!”

“Right!” you agree, a wide grin on your face. “He definitely woofed!”

“See! See that?!” A relieved chuckle leaves Arven as his hands gently thread through Mabosstiff’s fur again. “I knew I wasn’t just hearing things!” With increased vigor, Arven scratches the back of Mabosstiff’s ear, causing the Pokémon to let out another small woof. “Oh, Mabosstiff! Who’s my best bud, huh? Who’s the best of boys? You are, yes, you are!” He sniffles and before he knows it, you're at his side again, rubbing circles on his back as you scratch Mabosstiff’s other ear.

Mabosstiff lets out another small woof at the attention he’s receiving, which makes Arven laugh through his tears.

“It’s been so long since I’ve heard that woof!” He can’t help but turn to you with a grin, which you reflect. “Mabosstiff is definitely getting better! Ever since I teamed up with you, good things keep happening!”

You laugh. “Then I guess I’ll have to work hard to make sure good things keep happening.”

Arven can feel his heart squeeze and he’s half-convinced that you’re trying to kill him.

“Just two more, right?” you give him one last pat on his back before you pull away your hand. He kind of misses (really misses) your warmth, but he doesn’t dwell on it as he nods.

“Just two more. I hope you’ll stick it out until we’re done.”

Your eyes crinkle at the sides as you smile. “I definitely will.”

He isn’t going to admit it anytime soon, but that smile brings him more comfort than you realize.

---

The fourth time Arven falls in love with you, it’s because of how much your encouragement spurs him to continue forward. The fourth titan is down for the count, and Arven can’t believe it. 

“Yes!” Arven cheers, looking at you with a bright grin.

You smile back at him, giving him a high five, before dusting off your shoulders. “What even was that thing?” you mutter. “It looked vaguely like a donphan.”

“That was definitely not a donphan,” Arven responds, scrunching his nose at the sand in his socks. “I don’t even think it was a Pokémon.”

“But then what is it?” you murmur, humming in thought. 

Arven thinks with you, his bottom lip jutting out slightly in thought. “I kinda feel like I’ve seen it before…” 

You peer at him curiously, before motioning him to lean down. Arven blinks at you, confused, but obliges. “We’re always in such a state after these battles,” you huff, amused, as your hands go to remove the sand in his hair. Arven can only stand still, words stuck in his throat as you gently weave your fingers through his hair. He can feel heat radiate off of his cheeks as his eyes flicker around aimlessly, trying to find something to look at. He feels like an eternity has passed when you remove your hands, a proud look on your face. “There. I got most of the big chunks out.”

“I–” he clears his dry throat, “Thanks. Do you, uh, want me…?”

You blink at him curiously, before you laugh. “I think my hat thankfully protected my hair from the worst of it. I don’t always wear it, but I’m glad I wore it today.”

Oh Arceus, he was so dumb. Arven wanted to crawl into the sand and never emerge again.

“Could you make me a sandwich, though? Please?”

“Yeah, of course,” he says, feeling warmed at your inquiry. You’re so sweet that he doesn’t really know what to do with himself.

The cave is, like always, dark when you and Arven enter it. For some reason, Arven pays a little more attention to you, trying to make sure you don’t slip or trip over your feet.

“Oh, the herb!” you say, making Arven finally turn his head and look at the herb growing in the distance.

“It looks like it’ll taste horrible,” Arven laughs, “which means it’s gotta be good for you!”

“I don’t know about that,” you respond, smiling, “but I’m sure you’ll be able to turn this into something tasty, at least.”

“You bet.” Arven rolls up his sleeves. “No time to waste – I’ll get some food going!”

Areven’s deft hands traverse across the picnic table as he sets up the ingredients to make a sandwich. There’s a giddiness behind his movements now as he anticipates your reaction, as well as Mabosstiff's increasing health. He can feel that he’s so, so close to his goal that he can taste it – and it’s all thanks to you. His heart fills with something he can’t really seem to describe whenever he thinks of you – whenever he’s with you. Sometimes he feels like the gratitude he has towards you will overflow, making him do something terribly stupid.

“Okay, sorry for the wait! Here’s the sandwich with a nice helping of Titan Badge! Gaze upon it in awe as you eat.”

“I am in awe,” you respond, taking both things from him gratefully. As your Pokémon comes out, Arven lets Mabosstiff out of its Poké Ball too. The sight of Mabosstiff’s eyes makes Arven smile.

“Seems like someone’s got a proper appetite now!” he glances at your Pokémon, watching it gobble up its food. “And that fellow’s also slowly regaining its original strength. Still… doesn’t look like it’s anywhere close to returning to its battle form. It seems healthy enough physically… But maybe it’s got a mental block?”

You frown at him, which makes Arven’s heart drop.

“A mental block?” you murmur, gently petting your Pokémon. It nuzzles into your hand as you do so.

“I, uh, I’ve read about it before. A mental scar – like psychological trauma.” As your frown deepens, Arven wishes he could just shut up. “Maybe it had a terrifying experience in battle and, uh, doesn’t really like to now? Like it’s too scared to fight.”

Your frown remains on your face as you continue to stroke your Pokémon’s head. Arven swallows, before clearing his throat.

“I’m sure it’ll be fine,” Arven says, quickly, noticing the worry in your tone. He really didn’t want to damper your mood – that wasn’t the intent of his words. So, seeing you crestfallen at the potential trauma your Pokémon faced makes his heart, well, drop. “I’m sure both the brute – uh, that is, your buddy – and Mabosstiff will both make a full recovery eventually!”

“Yeah,” you murmur, giving him a nod. You give him a small smile as if to appease him, but it does little to soothe the guilt in Arven’s heart.

“Well, Mabosstiff?” he says, turning his attention away from you. “How’s that Herba Mystica working?”

Mabosstiff only tiredly huffs in response, his breathing slow and steady. He lets out a little whine in apology, but it’s quiet and breathy.

“Uh, no pressure!” Arven exclaims, wanting to backtrack completely. He feels like he’s messed up twice now and he’s starting to panic a little. “It’s not like it’s fair to expect every kind of Herba Mystica to have some kind of huge effect, right? And it’s not like the result has to be immediate, either.” Arven gently ruffles Mabosstiff’s fur, holding in a sigh. “Okay, rest up now, buddy.” Ruffling Mabosstiff’s fur one last time, Arven withdraws Mabosstiff back into its Poké Ball. As soon as Mabosstiff is back in its Poké Ball, Arven heaves out a sigh.

Everything had started out so great, but now, it feels like he’s made mistake after mistake. Not to mention the fact that Mabosstiff didn’t have any huge changes this time around. And he’s made you all sad because your Pokémon might be traumatized. Arven groans, ruffling his hair in aggravation. He just keeps messing up.

What if he keeps messing up? What if Mabosstiff never recovers? What if you see that your efforts were for nothing and then leave him? What if–

“Arven, we have one more left,” your voice cuts in, making Arven turn to you slowly in confusion. You meet his gaze with a smile, your Pokémon curled up by your feet, dozing off. “We'll get the last one and Mabosstiff will be as right as rain, you’ll see. We’ve got this.”

He blinks at you. “Uh– yeah.” Arven’s eyes search your face for any signs of anger or frustration, but there are none. Just kindness and determination. “Yeah.”

Your smile is so bright that it actually melts away his worries this time. You aren’t mad at him, and you aren’t disappointed, either. He can see that now.

Arven smiles. He’s not sure why, but your words bring him a lot of comfort. Since you said it’ll work out, he really believes that it will. He believes you because you seem to believe in him.

It makes his heart feel warm.

---

The fifth time Arven falls in love, it’s because he realizes that his happiness is multiplied beyond words when you’re with him. 

“It’s pretty, isn’t it?” you ask, eyes glimmering as you look at Casseroya Lake.

“Yeah,” he responds, looking at how your smile widens at the sight of the blue lake before you.

“So the last Titan Pokémon – the False Dragon – is here, right?” you ask, tilting your head back to look at him. “It’s kinda bizarre to think about, you know. It’s so peaceful here.”

“Yeah, and not a single person’s caught of glimpse of it,” Arven mutters, eyes drifting across the quiet lake water. “It must be some kinda truly terrifying beast… But how are we supposed to search for a thing when we don’t even know what it looks like?”

“Surely it’ll do the kind thing and yell something like, ‘Grah! I’m the Titan!’” you joke, curling your fingers to look like claws, making Arven huff out a laugh.

“If only, right?” Arven’s thoughts are momentarily shaken when you start sprinting away from him. “Wha– hey! Where’re you going?!”

“I saw it!” is the last thing he hears before you surf away on your Pokémon.

Arven can only stand there, shell-shocked, before he runs after you, sending out his Cloyster.

When he catches up to you, he sees you confronting a huge Pokémon, a Poké Ball readied in your grasp. “Did you find the Titan?!” Arven asks, looking at the Dondozo. “So that’s it?! Sure is one big… uh… dragon?” His eyebrows furrow, expressing his confusion. “Wait, is that even a dragon? Or is it a fish?!”

“Well, it’s called the False Dragon Titan for a reason, right? So…” your eyebrows also furrow in confusion. “...If we beat it, I’m sure our questions will be answered.”

“That’s true– whoa!” Arven’s eyes widen. “Th–the little sushi guy got eaten up! Yeesh! Didn’t expect to see the food chain in action today!”

“And now we gotta step it up so we don’t end up a part of the food chain!” you respond, calling out your Pokémon.

“Right!” Arven agrees, sending out his Greedent.

“W–We did it!” Arven cheers once Dondozo goes down. “We–”

“Not yet!” you respond as Tatsugiri jumps out of Dondozo’s mouth and costumes some Herba Mystica. “Let’s go, Arven!”

“Uh…! Right!” 

Somehow, he always finds himself following your pace.

“Phew… Nice job!” Arven pats you on the back once the Tatsugiri also goes down. “Maybe the Titan was both those Pokémon together? Like some kinda combo meal.”

You laugh brightly at Arven’s words, making his heart warm. “Well, we're kinda a combo meal too, then, huh? A better one, of course.”

Arven ignores how hot his face feels, chalking it up to the battle you two just finished. “Okay! I’m pretty sure that Tatsugiri came out of there. Let’s go?”

You nod, following Arven as he enters the dark cave. Instinctively, you grab onto Arven’s vest, making his heart warm.

“That must be it!” Arven exclaims once he sees the red herb. You both run up to it, happy that your search is successful. “Let’s see what the book has to say… So it seems that the Spicy Herba Mystica is supposed to boost your metabolism! It gives your circulation a boost and helps flush out all those toxins!”

“Wow, it sounds intense!” you laugh, before patting Arven’s arm. “Sounds like something that’ll definitely pep someone up.”

“Yeah,” Arven says. If he were alone, he’s sure that he’d be more fearful than hopeful, scared that all his efforts were for nothing, but you’re here and that’s enough to reassure him. Inhaling deeply, he picks the herb up, giving you the brightest grin he can muster. “Just wait right there – I’ll whip something up real quick.”

“Waiting!” you reply, brightly.

Arven begins his cooking again, eyes intensified on the task in front of him. Before he can get too much further, however, you call for him. He turns around, looking at you quizzically as you approach him.

“Your hair’s gotten longer since we’ve started collecting Herba Mystica.”

Arven pauses, contemplative. He has noticed that his hair has been getting in the way more recently, but he was too busy to really think about it.

“Can I tie your hair back?”

“Huh?” Arven swears his heart stops, his cheeks heating up. He swears you’re gonna kill him one day. 

“Since your hands are busy,” you supplement, pulling out a cute hair tie with a Skwovet on it. “...Well, actually, it’s because I saw this and thought of you.”

You thought of him? You bought something because you thought of him? Arceus – he’s not sure when someone last bought him something – or even thought to, really.

“Arven?” you call.

“Yeah,” he responds, snapping out of his thoughts. “Ah, yeah.” He blinks rapidly, feeling his eyes grow wet with tears. It’s the onions, he tries to convince himself, but he’s not really sure if he can lie about it this time. He turns his back to you, barely choking out, “Go for it.” There’s a wobble in his voice that he hopes you didn’t hear.

Gingerly, at his permission, you take his hair into your grasp, threading your fingers through it. Arven busies himself with cooking, unsure of what to do with himself. The gentle movement of your fingers makes his heart beat erratically, but it somehow soothes him, too. He’s really not sure what to do.

 “There,” you say, finally, patting his back as your hands draw away from his hair.

He kind of misses your warmth, but he’s not going to admit that outloud. Instead, he mumbles a quiet thank you that he’s not sure you heard.

“No problem,” you hum, peering over his side to watch him work.

He suddenly feels shy under your gaze, even though you’ve watched him cook so many times. It takes all of his brain power to solely focus on cooking because he doesn’t want to mess up and lose you.

“Wow, that looks delicious!”

“Then it’s good that I made enough for you,” he responds, making you laugh. Arceus, he really likes your laugh.

“Thanks, Arven,” you say, taking the two sandwiches he’s offering you.

I should be thanking you, Arven thinks, but nods and says that it’s not a problem. He watches as you give your partner its sandwich, bright grin on your face as your partner gobbles it food in a flash. Arven watches as you eat yours, delight racing across your face as you savor each bite. Just seeing your reaction makes Arven think that he wouldn’t mind cooking for you every day.

“It’s delicious!” you say, making him puff his chest out in pride.

“Of course it is!” he exclaims, feeling your words simmer in his heart and give him courage. He inhales, pulling our Mabosstiff’s Poké Ball. “I guess it’s your turn, now…” he murmurs, releasing Mabosstiff. “Come on, bud. Eat up. It’s gonna make you all better, I promise,” Arven says, breaking up the sandwich and offering it to his partner. He waits for Mabosstiff to eat patiently. “We’re gonna play with your favorite ball as much as you want, y’know? Just like we used to.”

Mabosstiff silently eats out of Arven’s hands. It makes Arven’s heart throb.

“Please… get better. That’s all I want, really…” Arven’s voice is so quiet that he’s not sure if he’s said or thought his words. Still, he waits in anticipation as Mabosstiff finishes the last bite of his sandwich.

Arven waits.

And waits.

And waits.

“...Mabosstiff,” Arven finally says, voice cracking. He gently pats Mabosstiff’s fur, feeling his eyes grow wet with tears. “You did your best, bud…” With a sharp inhale, Arven stands, turning his back to you. He’s not sure what to do. You worked so hard for him. Mabosstiff worked so hard for him. And yet… it didn’t work. It didn’t work, of course it didn’t. But what else can he do now? Arven’s not sure. There’s a myriad of thoughts bustling in his head, becoming a murky black as he contemplates what to do next. He knows he has to keep trying, but–

Bark!

Arven’s eyes widen as he quickly whips around, teal eyes landing on Mabosstiff struggling to its feet. Though a little slow, Mabosstiff limps to the Poké Ball that rolled off the table, picking it up in its mouth and walking to Arven. The relief, the gratitude, the hope – all of it makes Arven fall to his knees as he clambers towards Mabosstiff to meet halfway. Mabosstiff lets out another energetic bark that makes Arven want to cry. “Bud, I know! Me, too!” he exclaims, hugging Mabosstiff close. He feels the soft warmth of Mabosstiff’s fur, the gentle beat of Mabosstiff’s heart, and Arven, for the first time in forever, knows that Mabosstiff will be just fine.

And Arven can’t be more grateful to you – you, who decided to help him, a stranger. You, who decided to help him despite there being no evidence of these Herba Mysticas existing. You, who has supported him through this entire journey–

“Thank you,” he finally says, looking at you. He knows his eyes are red, he knows he probably looks like a mess, but he really can’t bring himself to care – not when Mabosstiff’s better. Not when you’ve helped him so much.

“Don’t mention it, really,” you say, eyes so kind that he wishes he could hold your gaze forever. “I’m so glad Mabosstiff’s better.”

“Yeah,” he responds, feeling elated that he can share this moment with you. He continues to hug Mabosstiff close, whose tail has been wagging rapidly. The pulse thrumming through Mabosstiff’s body makes another shot of happiness move through Arven’s veins. “Yeah.”

Arven wonders if it’s all right to be this happy, but he decides that it’s okay to bask in it for now.

After all, what else can he feel when both Mabosstiff and you were by his side?

---

The moment Arven realizes he’s in love with you, it’s because he realizes that it’s because he can’t imagine life without you.

His mood had considerably soured when his parent had called you, especially since his parent wanted something from you. Bitterness rose to Arven’s throat, leaking into his words as his parent requested your help. He’d honestly rather you never interact with the professor that abandoned him. Still, you agree to help the professor and though Arven doesn’t want to be treated like an errand boy, he knows he owes you one.

Well, he owes you a lot, actually, which is why he helped you through the professor’s crazy request. He wants to be a pillar of support to you, like you were to him. So, he stood by you as you went to Area Zero.

But now that everything is solved, technically, he wonders if he should’ve gone with you at all.

Finding out that his parent had died years ago – he’s not sure what he’s supposed to feel. Sad? Angry? Frustrated? Scared?

Arven inhales, looking at the starry expanse above him. Somehow, despite the cloudiness in his heart, the stars shine bright as always. Somehow, despite the heaviness in his heart, he ends up drawing your visage in the constellations. You, who shines brighter than the stars, slumbering inside the tent next to Nemona and Penny. You, who braved the dangers of Area Zero. You. He wishes he can see you.

“Arven?” you call, and Arven wonders how he’s able to wish your presence into existence.

“Did I wake you?” he asks, hearing the yawn in your voice.

“No, I just…” you pause, “...I just couldn’t sleep.” Slowly, you make your way over to him. “Can I sit with you?”

“‘Course,” he replies, heart leaping in his throat when you sit closer to him than he expected. His emotions begin to jumble further into some odd emotion stew as you two sit in silence. The stars. The professor. Mabosstiff. You. Everything.

“Are you okay?” you ask, finally breaking the silence.

Arven doesn't know the answer to that. “Are you?”

You’re silent, before you breathe in deeply. “I don’t know.”

“Yeah.” Arven looks at you – you, who’s always been so brave and strong, and he sees. He sees the eyebags on your face. He sees the way your shoulders slump. He sees and he understands.

“...Thanks, Arven.”

“What?” The gratitude you express takes him by surprise, which you see when you turn your attention to him and meet his eyes.

“For coming with me. And helping me get Penny and Nemona on board. And… well, helping me adjust to Paldea. Traveling with you helped a lot, you know.” You inhale deeply, before your head seems to naturally rest on Arven’s shoulder, making him freeze. “I just… I don’t think I could’ve been down there by myself. So, yeah. Thank you.”

Arven’s not sure what to say. He’s still processing everything and if anything, he really should be thanking you. You, who helped him heal Mabosstiff. You, who let him vent about his parent. You, who reassured him the entire time in Area Zero. You, who’s still here, by his side, thanking him. You.

“I think I’m in love with you.” It dawns on Arven that he’s a mess of emotions and probably shouldn’t be talking. In fact, he probably should shut up now since you’ve removed your head from his shoulder, opting to look at him with wide eyes, but he can’t. “You’ve always been there for me. You didn’t have to, but you’ve been there. And you’re still here.” He inhales. Can you see how much he wants to hold you close? “Seriously, I should be thanking you.”

“Arven…”

Arven’s words finally catch up to his brain, making his cheeks flush. “Arceus, sorry.” He deflects his gaze from you. “I’m just– I’m a mess. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize,” you murmur, softly, placing your hand on his cheek to turn his face to you. “It’s been a long journey, y’know. I’d be more surprised if you weren’t a mess. I mean, remember what the sand did to us that one time when we beat the fourth Titan? Or the mud bath we had because of the third Titan?”

Despite his embarrassment, he can’t help but snort in laughter, which makes you smile.

“Arven,” your thumb brushes against his cheek, feeling the warmth radiating off of him, “Don’t ever apologize for expressing yourself, okay? I want you to talk to me if you need to. I’ll be here – I’ll always be here for you.”

Arceus, how could he have ever avoided falling for you? Everything you’ve done for him, everything he observes, it all builds and builds and builds until he feels like his love for you is reaching beyond the skies.

“And… maybe this isn’t the best time for this, but…” you gaze flickers to the ground, bashful, “I like you too.”

Arven blinks. Once. Twice. “Oh.”

Your lips quirk upward, your gaze shy. “Do you think you’d be okay if I stayed by your side?”

“Would you be okay with that?” Arven says, grabbing your hand. “Would… Me? You’d be okay with that?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

Arven wonders if he’s dreaming. He’s been constantly abandoned that he never thought that someone would willingly want to be with him. But here you are – here you always are. He can feel his eyes well up, and you let out a small laugh at that.

“I feel like I keep making you cry.”

He laughs for the first time since you had gotten the call from the professor. “I don’t think I’ve cried this much since I was five.”

“Sorry, I guess I’m just a heartbreaker.”

He snorts, mirth dancing on his face, despite the unshed tears.

“But don’t worry, I’d never break your heart.”

“You’re killin’ me, here,” Arven wheezes, dropping his forehead to your shoulder.

You respond by drawing him into a hug, laughter tickling his ear. Despite him being bigger than you, somehow you make him feel safe in his arms. He wraps his arms around you, eyes closing as he holds you close. He’s not sure when it started, or when it’ll end, really, but he feels the overwhelming emotions he’s feeling slowly leave him. He can’t fully comprehend what he’s feeling, still trying to balance the grief, the shock, the relief. Maybe he won't ever know what he's feeling. But when he feels you bury your face into his chest, wet tears decorating his shirt, he thinks it’s okay that he doesn’t fully know what he’s feeling.

He doesn’t know when he’ll be fine, maybe he won’t be fine for a while. But with you in his arms, by his side, he thinks he’ll be okay.

And he’ll do everything to make sure you’ll be okay, too.

[cursingtoji]

hi ! for cliches could you do “fake dating” with gojo please ?

𝑭𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝑫𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈

cw: fluff, naoya ┊The Clichés ™

“You’re buying matcha Daifuku after this or I’ll never talk to you again” Satoru reminded when you were about to arrive the Zenin state.

“Stop complaining, I already told you I will. Besides, you’re gonna get free food here” you adjusted your kimono.

“Like I would eat anything made by a Zenin.”

“You really don’t know them if you think they cook their own food.”

Your family was invited to a wedding at the Zenin state, you didn’t actually knew the couple but your parents did, and they insisted that you had to go to meet Naoya cause ‘you two would be great together’. After that you panicked and told them you were in fact dating and you would only come if you could bring your boyfriend as a plus one.

Of course your parents were a bit disappointed but once you told them your boyfriend was no other than a Gojo they agreed.

“So, just stay by my side the whole time and in a few days I’ll just tell my parents we broke up, by then Naoya will be back in Tokyo so they won’t try to play cupid anymore.”

“What makes you think I wanna break up?” he placed his arm around your shoulders which you immediately pushed away.

“Listen—” you moved to stay in front of him, only then realizing how beautiful he looked with his dark kimono and no sunglasses, you picked the outfit yourself so neither him or you wouldn’t stand out, the less attention you got from the Zenins the better. That proved to quite impossible when your friend had the prettiest features anyone could wish for.

“I’m listening” he teased when a few seconds passed and you still haven’t said anything, “Like what you see?”

“I’m— Shut up” you moved back to his side lacing your arms together and passing through the gates.

Your parents met you there and you formally introduced Gojo to them. Satoru of course couldn’t help but being… Satoru.

“I can see where your daughter inherited such beauty” he directed to your mom who giggled, “Sir I heard so much about you and what a great father you are to my precious girl” you wanted to throw up. The one thing you told Satoru about your dad was his name.

“Excuse me, I need to find the toilet” you headed there trying to avoid any Zenin on your way. As soon as you were done your mother was waiting for you nearby with no one other than Naoya Zenin.

“Darling, come here. Have you met Naoya before?” you took a look at him. He was tall, no as much as Satoru, and surprisingly handsome, again no as much as Satoru. Yet even the slightest chance of becoming a Zenin made you want to run away as fast as you could.

“Pleasure” he said simply.

“Likewise” you replied dryly.

“I’ll leave you two to talk” your mother claimed and walked away. Unbelievable.

“Your mother told me you are with the Gojo kid. If you don’t mind me asking: how did you two met?” he seemed to be suspicious, could your mom have told him she wasn’t sure about the legitimacy of this relationship?

“Hm—“

“We met at Jujutsu Tech, during the joined event between Tokyo and Kyoto” Satoru appeared to your side magically. Naoya raised his brows slightly but didn’t really moved, like a human being teleported in front of him wasn’t really worth being surprised, “It was love at first sight” he placed his hand on your waist, Naoya’s eyes were fixed on your blushing face.

“You two are quite young to be in a serious relationship” he observed. Indeed both you and Gojo were in the last year of Jujutsu Tech, you in Kyoto and him in Tokyo. That weekend he miraculously was in Kyoto for a mission and as soon as he texted you that you already asked him to pretend to be your boyfriend for that event.

Naoya shouldn’t be more than a couple years older than you, but you knew his intentions were to disqualify your relationship, which was quite courageous since your pretended boyfriend was one of the strongest sorcerers.

“And you are quite old to not be a in a relationship, what’s the problem? Can’t find a submissive wife nowadays?” you lighted elbowed Gojo. Even though you didn’t like the Zenins your parents had business with them, so it was best to keep being friendly.

Naoya squinted his eyes, probably thinking ‘how dare him’. That conversation was getting dangerous, the last thing you wanted was to cause a conflict in a house full of powerful sorcerers.

“You should go, thanks for receiving us” you pulled Satoru before their cursed energy raised and everyone directed their attention at the three of you, “Seriously?” you asked when you were out in the garden with him alone.

“Sorry, sweets, I just can’t stand him and the way he was looking at you. The audacity of this guy…” you adjusted your hair to cover the heat on your face.

The truth was you and Satoru weren’t really close, you only hanged out together once a year during the days of the Kyoto x Tokyo event and the times when he was in Kyoto for a mission or you in Tokyo. That’s why Gojo was surprised when you called him to pretend to be your boyfriend and how could he say no when he has been crushing on you since day one?

“We don’t have to stay until the ceremony, I’ll tell my parents we got called for a mission—“ you felt Satoru’s warm hand on your cheek and he moved your face to look at him, as soon as you met his piercing blue eyes you lost track of your thoughts.

He slowly approached his face to yours and you closed your eyes in anticipation for a kiss. His hand held your face gently but his lips kissed you strongly and stood there for a few seconds, enough to make your heart beat faster than it did during a fight.

“He’s looking at us” Satoru whispered making you open your eyes, he was facing the windows of the house you just left.

“Oh” you couldn’t hold the disappointment in your voice.

“You’re right, you should go, the cursed energy in this house is overwhelming me” he massaged his temple.

“No one told you to come without your sunglasses.”

“Please, like you didn’t want everyone to see what a gorgeous set of blue eyes your boyfriend has” you giggled. ‘Your boyfriend’ was a tittle Satoru could get used to, “Besides I’ve been wanting to try something different” he pulled a black fabric from his pocket.

“Is that a mask?”

“Yeah, it covers more than the glasses and doesn’t wear me out so much, it looks weird though.”

“Can I?” you asked for the mask and he handed to you, “Bend down a little bit.”

Satoru flex his knees to be closed to your height, your fingers brushed his hair back before surrounding his eyes with the blindfold and tying it on the back, Gojo could still see the shape of your face due to the cursed energy and he smiled once he noted the darker shade around your cheeks.

“W—What are you smiling for?” you let go of the fabric adjusting his hair a little bit more.

“Nothing, sweets” he pinched your cheeks.

“Take a look” you pulled a mirror from your tiny purse and handed to him, the way you put his hair was way better than what he was doing before, now it didn’t seem like he was about to hit a piñata.

“What do you think?” he asked, it was weird not seeing his eyes but you knew he was going to feel better like that.

“It’s okay… you look nice” you murmured not wanting to give him too much to brag about.

“Haha you think i’m super handsome, don’t you?”

And he did it anyways.

“No, let’s go.”

“Time for matcha daifuku” he placed his arm around your shoulders and you didn’t pushed away this time.

[sweatervest-obsessed]

Okay.. hear me out the song 'Stick Season' by Noah Kahan... for a fic like her and spence break up and she can't move on from him...

Oh you mean my FAVORITE NOAH KAHAN SONG???

Absolutely girlboss.

It ended up being 3.5k, so please please enjoy!!

(it's a gn! fic btw)

You must have had yourself a change of heart like Halfway through the drive Because your voice trailed off exactly as you passed my exit sign Kept on drivin' straight and left our future to the right

Everyone in the BAU hated letting Spencer drive. It was a fact of the universe. It wasn’t because he was bad at it, in fact he was quite a good driver. But whenever he would drive, it was constant chatter, constant rambling, and sometimes, it would be in between NPR segments where Spencer would correct someone or pause to discuss interesting facts that he knew. 

So when Spencer offered to drive the team to the hotel across town, no one had the guts to say no. It was some random town in Vermont, in the middle of October, some weird string of murders throwing another small town into disarray. He was in the middle of describing the science behind why certain leaves change into certain colors when his voice died out.

They were at one of two stop lights in town and they were stopped at one of them. Spencer was looking diagonally across at some random coffee shop, and Derek could not, for the life of him, figure out why Spencer was looking over there. 

“Reid? Hello.” 

“It’s her.” 

“Who?” Derek followed his line of sight again and realized what Spencer was looking at, well, who he was looking at. 

You. 

“Oh my god. Isn’t that…” 

Spencer nodded his head. 

“Why is she…” 

Spencer just stared at you. “I don’t know.” 

You were now leaving the coffee shop, cup in hand and small brown bag in the other. Spencer could probably guess what was in both. 

“Green light Reid.” 

The two of them started to move again, but neither of them spoke on the way to the hotel. It was almost unbelievable that they hadn’t seen you in over two years and yet here you were, in some random town that had a serial killer. 

Now I am stuck between my anger and the blame that I can't face And memories are somethin' even smoking weed does not replace And I am terrified of weather 'cause I see you when it rains Doc told me to travel, but there's COVID on the planes

“No no. Lucille. You don’t understand. He was like, nerdy hot. And I fucked up big time.” 

Lucille snorted and handed you the blunt in her hand. “My love, my life. I bet you, he was the problem.”

You scoffed and took a hit. “Yeah right.” 

Lucille raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms. “You’re not still in love with the guy are you?” 

“When you put it like that it makes me sound pathetic.” 

“Oh girl no, you are, aren't you.” 

You sighed and took another hit—a long inhale this time to compensate. 

“Sweetie, you are WAY too good for him.” 

You laughed. “Mr three PhDs, four Bachelors, and FBI? Yeah. I don’t think so.” 

“Weren’t you Mrs FBI?” 

“That’s Miss FBI to you. Mrs is reserved for happy married stupid people.” You grumbled and closed your eyes. 

“Wow.” 

“Wow What.” 

“He was really the one wasn’t he.” 

You nodded. “I really thought….god I’m so stupid.” You stood up and started pacing along the porch of your house. 

Once you and Spencer had broken up, you needed to get out of there. There had to be somewhere where he couldn’t touch you, couldn’t find you. So you closed your eyes and pointed to a random spot on the map. Then when you realized you pointed to Las Vegas, you sat down and wrote down what you knew about Spencer, then tried to find somewhere that he had the lowest percentage of going. 

And Fairlee seemed like the right place. There was nothing for him out here. 

Except for you. 

But Spencer didn’t feel that way. Not anymore at least.

You had taken up teaching, obtaining your teaching certificate up in Vermont and becoming one of ten teachers in the high school (which supported any child in a half hour radius). 

It wasn’t hunting down serial killers, but it was still fulfilling. 

That’s how you met Lucille. She was another teacher, in need of a roommate, and the rest is history. 

“You’re floating away again.” 

You snapped back to the conversation. “Sorry. Just. Really thought we were going to get married and be with each other and shit but.” 

“But?” 

“He wasn’t ready. You’d think three years knowing one another and being friends, and then another three years of dating would, you know. Add up to something.” 

“I’m sorry sweetie.” Lucille took your hand and squeezed it tightly. “He doesn’t deserve you.” 

“Yeah…maybe, I don’t know.” 

She squeezed it again. “Tonight’s the night Damian invited us all down to the bar to hang out, I know we said no but…might as well get free drinks out of a guy who will never get the hint. Free booze, boost of ego. You’re young, you’re hot.” 

“I see what you’re doing.” You smiled down at her. “But it’s raining and I’m not in the mood to get soaking wet just from walking from the house to the car then the car to the bar….”

“Pleaseeeee.” 

Just as you were about to answer, a pair of headlights turned onto your driveway. 

You’d know those stupid fucking headlights anywhere. 

“Who do we know that drives a black suburban?” 

Lucille shrugged. “I don’t think we know anyone who has one in town, why? Is that what the car is?” 

You nodded, your stomach dropping. 

“Luce. Hide the weed.” 

“Why, it's not Tom and you know he’s over here every—-“

“Now. Luce.” 

She furrowed her brows as the headlights stopped in front of the house. She quickly grabbed everything and went into the house. 

You stood on the porch, in your pajamas pants, and a sweatshirt, hands in the front porch. 

The car turned off and you watched as three figures got out of the car and walked up to the porch, freezing as they looked at you, the rain pouring down on them. 

“Why are you here Hotch?” 

The man was frozen,and he looked over at Emily, who was just as baffled to see you. 

“Y/n?” 

“Why are you here?” You asked again. 

“Why are you here?” 

“This is my home Em.” You stepped back a couple of steps and gestured for them to come up onto the porch so they don’t have to stand in the rain anymore. 

Spencer was silent the whole time, not taking his eyes off of you. 

The three of them moved up the porch and went towards the door, but you blocked them. 

“You need a warrant if you want to enter my house, Hotch. What are you doing here.” 

“We need to speak to Lucille Walkner.” 

“Why.” 

Emily raised her eyebrows, and crossed her arms. She was used to how stubborn you were, but being on the receiving end of it was something she was not a fan of. 

“It’s in regards to the string of murders y/n.” 

You raised your eyebrows. “I can guarantee you that I have been with Lucille every moment of every day for the past two weeks.” 

“We’re not accusing her, we’re just asking—“

You cut Emily off. “Asking her questions. Yeah. I know how this goes. In case you forgot or something. It hasn’t been that long. Why do you need to speak to her.” 

“Because she was the last person seen with the most recent victim.” 

You looked at Spencer for the first time since he got here. “So was I. But somehow you failed to mention that as well. You’re losing your grip, Doctor.” 

The group had never heard your voice so flat, so strict, so full of disdain. It was easy for you to treat him like he was the villain. He felt like one. He was one. 

“Y/n.” 

You broke your staring contest with Spencer and looked over at Hotch. “Get a warrant and come back tomorrow.” 

And with that you walked into your house and locked the door behind you. Feeling a bit more bitter than usual, you turned off the porch light too.

They all stood out there. Dumbfounded. 

And I love Vermont, but it's the season of the sticks And I saw your mom, she forgot that I existed And it's half my fault, but I just like to play the victim I'll drink alcohol 'til my friends come home for Christmas And I'll dream each night of some version of you That I might not have, but I did not lose Now your tire tracks and one pair of shoes And I'm split in half, but that'll have to do

When the BAU showed up at your door with the proper paperwork the next morning, both you and your roommate were at work, twenty minutes away. 

Your sense of humor still intact since you managed to leave a sticky note for them: 

At work. home by 4.

But that didn’t stop the caped crusaders of the BAU. 

When they showed up at the school to interview you and your roommate, Lucille went first, recounting the night all three of you went out to one of three bars in the town, and then when you offered to drive her home, she insisted on calling her own roommate. When you watched her get into her roommate's car, the both of you went home. 

When you recounted the same exact story, you both were released for the day. 

“Heard you were a pain in the ass yesterday.” 

You stopped in the hallway and turned around, facing Derek Morgan. “What do you want, Agent.” 

“Woah woah what’s with the formalities.” 

You rolled your eyes. “Derek. I’m really not in the mood. I fit the victimology of the asshole on a murder spree, and the team acted like I didn’t fucking know that. I’ve also realized you haven’t connected the fact that all of them are dating or sleeping with the police force.” 

“All? We only knew two of the five—“

“Because half of them don’t want to admit that they’re cheating on their wives, and the other half don’t want to admit they’re dating anyone regardless of marital status. Not a single one of the victims were married.”

Derek just stared at you. “Touchy subject?” 

You closed your eyes. “I still have a gun license Derek. Don’t make me use it.” 

“Too soon?” 

“Yeah Derek. Too soon.” You sighed as he pulled you into a hug. 

“We miss you y’a know. It’s not the same.” 

“I’m sure.” You squeezed him tightly. 

“And I’m serious. We haven’t found anyone nearly as good as you have been.” He whispered, kissing your head. “Your desk is still empty. Hotch won’t let anyone sit there. I think he’s hoping you’d come back. I think we all are.” 

“I can’t even look at him and it’s been two years” you whispered trying not to cry. 

“I know.” He just squeezed you. “I know.” 

“God I just….”

Derek pulled you into an empty classroom the second he felt your body tense up. There was one thing you hated more than crying, and it was crying in public. Once the door to the classroom was closed, he pulled you back into the hug, letting your tears pour down his shoulder.

“God I thought I’d never have to see you people again.” 

Derek chuckled. “Clearly you didn’t read your contract. It’s required that you’re supposed to see me at least seven times a year and if you don’t, I hunt you down.” 

You laughed through your tears and sat down on one of the desks. “You wish.” 

“I do.” 

“Be serious Derek.” 

“I am.” 

You sighed and looked up at him. “Well. Now you know where I am so. Come and visit me I guess.” 

“Oh I plan on it gorgeous.” 

You used the sleeve of your sweater to wipe away some of the tears still clinging to your cheeks. 

“He misses you too.” 

“Derek….”

He knew it ws dangerous territory, but he had to let you know—He needed you to know how it was affecting everyone, even though it’s been two years. “He does.” 

“Why would you tell me that Derek.”  

“You have to–

“Have to what Derek. I don’t wan��that’s a lie. What I would fucking give to be back in DC; back at the FBI. But I can’t do it Derek. I can’t go back.” 

“But–”

“No.” You backed away from him, out of his arms. “I’m not going back.”

“Please.” Derek watched as your back straightened and your eyes hardened. You didn’t want to talk about it anymore. You were just starting to move on. Fuck. He watched as you closed yourself off again. 

“Do you need anything else agent or can I go.” 

“Y/n…”

“Then goodbye Agent Morgan.” 

So I thought that if I piled something good on all my bad That I could cancel out the darkness I inherited from dad No, I am no longer funny 'cause I miss the way you laugh You once called me forever now you still can't call me back

Unexpectedly, but expectedly, the killer was caught. He was some sort of religious nut who had decided that “immoral sinners” be put in your place. 

That was something you did not miss: the misogynistic murderers. 

But the BAU was getting ready to leave. You were grateful that they had come and protected the community you had grown so close to, but the thought of them knowing where you were made you nervous. 

You knew Penelope most likely tracked you from time to time, and you weren’t trying to live completely off the grid/untraceable. But seeing them in person, watching them run around your town, was nerve-wracking. 

Seeing Spencer fucked you up the most though. 

He looked okay; or better than you at least. He was completely and utterly okay, and it bugged the shit out of you. How could he be okay, how could he move on and be happy without you, while you are stuck still trying to locate the remaining pieces of your shattered heart.

To Spencer, you were a wonderful experience. But to you, Spencer was everything. 

The BAU had left, no goodbyes were in order since you had fulfilled your goal of attempting to burn every bridge you had. It was painful, but you just couldn't help it. They reminded you of Spencer. Everything reminded you of Spencer. 

Lucille watched as you slowly transformed back into that lost person from two years ago. Your smile never reached your eyes. You drank just enough to be concerning, but not enough to continuously push the boundaries of alcoholism. Your face was pale. You never laughed or cracked jokes any more. 

All you could do was think of Spencer. Waking up next to him, his arms around your waist. The smell of his apartment, the rides to work, the glances from your desk to his desk. It was all just too painful. 

There were moments where you would pick up your phone and sometimes it felt like the world was against you. Derek posted a picture from some sort of day off, and suddenly you didn’t follow him anymore. Or, if you opened NPR, Doctor Spencer Reid was the headliner in a speaker series at Georgetown in blah blah blah. So you stopped listening to the radio. 

Every since he stepped out of the car in your drive you, you’ve wanted to call him. You’ve wanted to hear him speak to you like he did, to love you like he did. You wanted to call him and hear him apologize and tell you everything was going to be okay and this was all just a big misunderstanding and you were his forever. 

But you had a feeling that if you called, he wouldn’t pick up. 

Oh, that'll have to do My other half was you I hope this pain's just passin' through But I doubt it

One Year Later…

Time flies. Leaves change. Life moves on. 

But suddenly it's back to October and you find yourself in a new town, somewhere completely different. Another fresh start. Maybe this one will stick. 

But then you get a call.  

And it’s from Erin Strauss, offering you your job back, and your hesitation gave her all of the information she wanted to hear. You had three days to make a decision. 

Do you continue to run from place to place, hoping and praying that maybe someday you’d be able to feel like you deserved to be loved again. Hoping that someday someone might actually want to stay. They might want you to stay. 

Do you stay in this new town, and get attached to the people, making new friends, reminding you of the old ones, and hoping that it will be enough to fill the holes in your skin. 

Do you continue to teach. Do you continue to shape minds even though it’s not something you had ever dreamed of doing. Especially when it feels like you’re trying to force your body into loving something it doesn’t. 

Or

Do you go back to the FBI–the BAU.

Do you ignite the flame in your chest and let yourself enjoy the chase. LEt yourself be happy with your job and treasure every moment you get to catch the bad guy. 

Do you accept the job and move back to the desk you belong at, surrounded by your friends. Once again in a building you call home, letting your guard down for the first time in three years. 

Do you let your guard down and talk to Spencer and watch yourself undo all of the progress you had made. Watch as your resolve crumbles and your heart aches and you can;t even breathe around him because it hurts to see him. 

Do you give up and follow him around like some lost puppy and beg for him to take you back so maybe you’ll be able to melt your waxen heart and be happy again. 

You don’t take the job. You never hear from Erin Strauss again. 

And I love Vermont, but it's the season of the sticks And I saw your mom, she forgot that I existed And it's half my fault, but I just like to play the victim I'll drink alcohol 'til my friends come home for Christmas And I'll dream each night of some version of you That I might not have, but I did not lose Now your tire tracks and one pair of shoes

Sometimes in your sleep, you can see what your wedding would have looked like. The venue, the florals, your outfits and shoes. Your closest friends and family by your side as you commit your soul to be bound to his. 

But every time you get to the I Do’s, Spencer says yes. 

It hurts because you never even made it that far. 

You didn’t even get an engagement ring. 

All you got were pitiful looks and sympathetic glances while Spencer rambled on about how much he didn’t understand marriage or want children–not that you did, but you would have liked for it to have been a discussion between the two of you. 

You would have liked a lot of things. 

Sometimes, in your dreams, Spencer proposes. 

It never leaves your mind, watching as he publicly declares his love for you. Apparently, that was too much to ask for. 

And I'm split in half, but that'll have to do Have to do

The pain of waiting to be loved feels like you’ve but split down the middle, letting yourself melt apart. The skin, no matter how hard you try, can never be stitched back together, and even if you manage to get some back, it scars over, reminding you for the rest of your life how unloveable you feel. 

Maybe you’ll get lucky and someday you can learn to live with never being truly whole again. 

Since Spencer owns half of you, and you will never be whole without him.

Part 2

[mmmichyyy]

40? for the prompt

#40. "am i your husband or your taxi service?"

the first time it happens, mickey doesn't think much of it.

can you pick me up after my shift? too tired to take the L

when mickey is near the station, he parks the van a block away. force of habit from when he and his brothers used to sneak up and collect from people who owed terry money. plus, he doesn't particularly want ian's coworkers to see their stolen ambulance, even though it's completely unrecognizable after debbie helped them revamp the entire thing and paint over it with the logo sandy designed.

here

i don't see you

i'm parked a block away

pick me up at the station

your legs don't work?

i'm tired :(

i drove the van

it's fine no one will be able to tell lol

mickey rolls his eyes and drops his phone in the cupholder. as he pulls up across the street from the station, he sees ian standing on the curb, chatting with someone wearing a matching EMT uniform, a shorter man with tan skin and curly hair.

mickey honks once, a bit impatient since he's hungry as fuck and there's a large pizza he ordered earlier waiting for them at their apartment. ian lifts his head and smiles. as he waves goodbye to his coworker and jogs over to the van, mickey doesn't miss the way the dude is gaping at mickey with wide eyes and a dropped jaw.

the hell is this guy's problem?

"everything okay?" mickey asks, once ian buckles his seatbelt and reclines his seat.

"just tired." ian yawns. "had a long shift today."

"well," mickey puts the van in drive, reaching over the center console to ruffle ian's hair, promptly forgetting ian's weird coworker, "i already ordered a pizza so we can eat then turn in early."

ian smiles sleepily and interlaces his fingers with mickey's. "you're the best husband ever."

mickey shakes his head, biting back a smile. "sappy fucker."

*

after almost two weeks of ian asking to be picked up, mickey suspects something is up. not that he minds or anything, since he makes his own schedule nowadays. after the security business started turning a profit and ian went back to being an emt, he hired a couple of guys to drive the routes so he could work from home and catch up on admin work, freeing up a lot of time in his day to day.

but ian never used to mind the commute. he's the kind of long-legged freak who liked to take the scenic route and go on long runs in the morning, just for fun. absolutely deranged behaviour, in mickey's opinion. but lately, ian has been flashing his kicked-puppy eyes and asking to be chauffeured like a pampered prince and, well. mickey could never resist spending more time with his husband, so he hasn't said anything. not yet, anyway. god he's so whipped.

the excuses ian came up with, however, were more unbelievable as it went on, ranging from the train broke down (mickey knew for a fact it didn't), to spraining his elbow (though he had no problem throwing mickey on the bed later that night with his supposedly injured arm), to how it was going to rain later (it was sunny all day without a cloud in sight).

when mickey tried to call him out on his bullshit, ian either got down on his knees or flipped mickey over and fucked him senseless into the bed, promptly making mickey forget what the hell he was trying to say.

it's gotten to the point where ian stopped making excuses and simply asked mickey to come get him. which truthfully, mickey doesn't mind at all. but he just finds it odd how his beefy athletic husband had gotten so lazy.

"what's with you?" mickey finally asks one day, as ian climbs into the passenger seat.

ian blinks innocently. "what do you mean, dear husband of mine?"

mickey rolls his eyes. "am i your husband or your fuckin' taxi driver? 'cause i've been picking your ass up every day for the past two weeks when you have two perfectly functioning legs."

ian huffs, crossing his arms. "maybe i just want to spend more time with you."

"we live together," mickey points out flatly, "how much more time do you need?"

"i–"

a tap on the glass interrupts them, and mickey turns to see a woman with brown hair tied back in a ponytail, enthusiastically gesturing at him to roll down the window.

"the fuck?" mickey turns to ian, whose face has turned slightly pink. "did you forget something at the station?"

"ah, no." ian scratches his head sheepishly. "sue is just being... sue."

sue waves her hand again and mickey reluctantly lowers the window.

"mickey, this is sue, my supervisor, and sue, this is–"

"the elusive husband." sue grins. "i've heard a lot about you, mickey."

mickey raises his brow. "have you now."

"oh sure," she says, ignoring ian's frantic head shaking, "ian won't shut up about you, yapping on and on about mickey this and mickey that. we're all jealous at the station actually, everyone just complains about their partners while ian keeps gushing about how perfect and amazing his husband is. his words."

"huh." that explains a lot, actually, why there was always someone different waiting with ian every time he came to pick him up, and why they all stared at him like a circus freak. "well, i bet ian didn't tell you the time we stole an ambu–"

"okay," ian cuts in loudly, reaching over to turn the key in the ignition, "we're leaving. i'll see you tomorrow, sue."

"come to the company picnic next month," sue calls out. "it's a potluck and everyone is bringing their family. it'll be fun!"

"uh sure," mickey says, even though a social gathering with ian's nosy coworkers sounds like the least fun thing he's ever heard of. he looks over at ian, slumped in his seat, avoiding mickey's eyes. "I'll check my schedule."

once mickey drives around the corner, he playfully flicks his finger at ian's temple and ian rolls his eyes, shaking his head.

"you yap about me to your coworkers," mickey teases. "you're so fuckin' whipped."

"whatever," ian grumbles. "stupid sue calling me out."

"is that why you keep asking me to pick you up?" mickey asks, amused. "to parade me around like a little show dog?"

"well, eduardo blabbed to everyone he saw you, then everyone kept asking about you and wanted to see you in person, so..."

"hm." mickey reaches over and brushes his thumb over ian's palm. "what do you say about me?"

ian links their fingers together and sighs. "that you're attentive. funny. caring. protective. loyal. the ideal man."

mickey laughs. "you're really overselling me here, gallagher. did you forget i'm an ex-convict, pimp and drug dealer?"

ian waves him off and continues. "kind. loving. perfect in every single way, except when you leave your socks on the floor. oh and that you're hot as hell with an ass that won't quit."

"you talked about my ass?"

"okay, i didn't say the last part," ian amends, "your ass belongs to just me. but i meant everything else i said."

"you really are a sappy fucker."

"you love it."

"i'd love it even more if i didn't have to be your chauffeur every day, at least they get paid to drive back and forth."

"you come with me to the picnic, i'll pay you with favours in bed. i'll even throw in a big tip."

"a big tip, huh..."

[flickering-chandelier]

Was Any of it True? // ALTERNATE ANGST ENDING

Based on this request! 🖤

A/N: Here we go again! The beginning is the same, the new angsty ending starts after the row of black hearts. 🖤🖤🖤 (This one really hurt my feelings, friends 😭)

Word Count: 10.5k 

“I'm telling you, Az, she's pissing me off. The professor loves her, and I saw that she got a 100 on the exam,” Claire was seething while she and Azriel lounged in his apartment, eating the pizza he'd ordered.

“Mhmm,” he mumbled around his pizza, only half listening. Claire was always complaining about something. “And what did you get?”

“98! He took two points off because I didn't answer thoroughly enough,” she scoffed. “God, I hate her. She's going to push me right off the top of the Dean's list.”

Azriel blinked. “I mean, you'll still be very near the top of the list.”

Claire groaned, throwing her napkin onto her paper plate angrily, “That's not good enough!”

He rolled his eyes and she glared at him. “Don't be an ass! This is a big deal to me.”

“Oh, I know it is. This girl is all you talk about.”

“Because I hate her. Maybe if she got laid, she’d be distracted enough to slip up once in a while,” she grumbled.

“Yeah, maybe,” Azriel said, pulling his laptop out of his backpack and setting it on the table, a sufficient signal that he didn’t want to talk about his girlfriend’s arch nemesis anymore. 

No more than a week later, Azriel’s on-again-off-again girlfriend was off-again, and honestly, he was relieved. Claire’s obsession with being at the top of the academic food chain was bordering on insanity, and he was glad he didn’t have to hear about it anymore.

He was currently at a house party that Cassian had dragged him to, with a blonde girl that he couldn’t remember the name of sitting in his lap, one of her arms draped behind his neck, the other resting on his chest. She had been whispering in his ear all the things that she wanted to do to him, before Cassian interrupted, handing Azriel a shot with a grin. 

Blondie scowled at Cassian, who just smirked back as the girl that Cass had been talking to earlier sidled up next to him, wrapping her arms around his middle. 

Azriel knocked the shot back and handed the cup it had come in to the blonde girl. “Can you get me another one?”

She seemed annoyed, but took the cup from him anyway, striding into the kitchen. 

“Sorry for interrupting,” Cassian said, settling on the couch next to him, before pulling the girl onto his lap.

Azriel rolled his eyes. “Like I give a shit.”

Cassian snickered as the blonde girl came back, draping herself in his lap again, handing him another shot. He drank it, just as Claire appeared before him, her arms crossed over her chest, and her brow furrowed.

“What do you want?” he asked, his voice husky.

“I have a proposition for you.”

He smirked, making a show of tightening his grip on the blonde girl’s waist. “No, thanks. Been there, done that.”

“Not that kind of proposition, you idiot. Can we talk privately? I think it’ll be worth your while,” she said, her lips turning up into a sultry smile.

“I don’t know, Claire, I’m pretty busy right now,” he said, turning his gaze to the blonde girl, squeezing her thigh. She sighed dreamily, leaning further into him.

Claire groaned. “Look, Az, I really need your help. Please?” 

Azriel studied Claire, and he could see that it was true. She was wearing her most annoyed, don’t-fuck-with-me face, but her eyes were pleading. Sad.

He sighed, glancing apologetically at the girl in his lap before turning back to Claire. “Fine, we can talk.”

She led him into someone’s empty bedroom and shut the door behind her. 

“If this is about that girl you’re obsessed with, so help me,” he said. She winced, and he threw his head back. “Unbelievable. Claire, I don’t want to hear about this anymore! I don’t care about your problems.”

“Just hear me out!”

He crossed his arms over his chest, and raised an eyebrow at her, waiting.

“She actually is threatening my spot on the Dean’s list now,” she said, looking close to tears.

He looked pointedly at her. “And?”

“And I was thinking about what I said earlier… about how if a really hot guy was interested in her, maybe she would stop caring about her grades so much,” she said, smiling at him now.

“And?” Azriel just wished she would get to the point.

Claire sighed, exasperated. “I need you to seduce her.”

Azriel barked out a laugh, leaning his shoulder against the nearest wall. “You’re kidding, right? Why would I do that?”

She stepped closer to him, trailing a finger along his chest, her touch feather-light through his black t-shirt. She looked up at him from beneath her lashes, “Because I asked? Because I’ll give you anything you want,” she said, her voice dropping seductively.

He held her gaze, leaning down until their mouths were a breath away. Azriel heard her breath hitch.

Then he pulled away rapidly, and she blinked. “Sweetheart, you know I can fuck you anytime I want, right? That is not going to persuade me to help you.”

Her brow furrowed, her nose scrunching up. Oh, she was furious. Azriel's mouth turned up into his calculated half smile.

“What do you want, Az?” she huffed.

“Hmm,” he said, taking his time to think. Claire scowled. “I haven’t decided yet. But when I need to call in a favor of my own, you have to promise to do it. No matter what,” he drawled.

To her credit, she really looked like she was thinking it through, trying to think of another way to push this girl off the list. But finally, she sighed. “Deal.”

He pushed off the wall, walking towards the door. “Alright, so I just have to seduce the bookworm? Easy.”

Claire shook her head, her eyes still alight with her anger. “No, if I’m going to agree to any favor you could possibly want, you’re going to have to go further. You need to make her fall in love with you.”

Azriel bristled a bit, leaning against the door now. “I know I’m an asshole, but that seems too far, don’t you think?”

“No. If she’s going to be distracted enough that her grades will slip, you need to make it seem real,” she said, and then smiled as if she had a wicked thought.

“What?” Azriel asked.

“And then you break her heart, right before exams,” she said excitedly, her eyes burning with enthusiasm now. “You tell her, in front of everyone, that it was all fake.”

He rubbed at his bicep, a nervous tic that Claire picked up on immediately. “Jesus, Claire. I don’t want to ruin this girl’s life.”

She arched her brow. “Why not? She’s ruining mine.”

Azriel rolled his eyes and Claire pounced, “Any favor, Az. Any time, you can tell me to do whatever you want,” she smirked. 

He groaned, pinching his nose. “Fine,” he ground out. “Where do I find her?”

Claire beamed. “Where else would a nerd be? The library, of course.”

---

You shifted in your seat, starting to feel sore after poring over your notes for hours. Maybe you should go for a walk. Maybe. But, you still had so much to do…

Groaning, you crossed your arms on the table, laying your head down on top of them. Just a minute, you just needed a tiny break --

“Studying always makes me feel like that, too,” said a low, male voice. 

You lifted your head, bewildered, and nearly choked on your own spit. The guy who was for some reason deigning to talk to you was… well, what other way was there to say it? He was drop-dead gorgeous. 

His face was stoic as he sauntered up to your table, his jet black hair was just a tad unruly, his hazel eyes burning into yours. But it was his body that made the breath completely escape your lungs. He was dressed in all black, his t-shirt hugging his chest and his biceps, showing off his every muscle, and there were swirling black tattoos peeking out from under his sleeves. 

All you could do was stare as he took the seat across from you, leaning back with his arms crossed like the two of you did this every day.

“What class is that for?” he asked, nodding to the textbook open in front of you, the dozens of papers scattered around you.

“Organic Chemistry,” you said, trying to sound like you were normal and not completely surprised by this handsome stranger finding you in your favorite quiet corner of the library.

He let out a low whistle, “Damn, you are smart.”

“What, did someone tell you I was?” you asked. 

“No, I just figured when I saw all the --” he gestured to your cluttered workspace, “homework stuff.”

You arched an eyebrow. “Homework stuff?”

His mouth turned up the slightest bit, holding up his hands like he was surrendering. “You caught me. I’m not much of an academic.”

“Then what are you doing here?” you asked curiously.

“Now, that is an excellent question,” he said, and really did seem like he was questioning it. “Girls? Parties? Though I could get girls anywhere and I don't particularly enjoy parties.”

You nodded. “Ah,” you said. “Got it.”

He braced his arms on the table, leaning forward. “I take it you’re not into that kinda thing?”

A dry laugh escaped from your throat, “Definitely not. I’m really only here for the--” you mimicked his gesture from earlier, “homework stuff.”

He barked out a laugh, his stoic face completely transforming for the briefest of moments. You couldn’t help but stare. “You’re telling me all you do is study? A beautiful girl like you? Please tell me you’ve been to at least one party,” he said, looking at you incredulously. 

You blushed. “No, I haven’t been to any.”

You braced yourself for impact, for the teasing or insults to come, but he just smiled softly. “You wanna go to one with me tonight?”

Your eyebrows knit together in confusion. “You don’t even know my name.”

The side of his mouth quirked up into a smile, his eyes dancing with amusement. “What's your name?”

Rolling your eyes, you told him.

“Nice to meet you. I'm Azriel.” He raised his eyebrows, “So? Party?”

“I thought you just said you don't like parties!”

“True, but I do love the thought of corrupting a sweet, innocent bookworm,” he smirked.

“No, thanks.” You couldn't imagine yourself going to a house party, especially not with a stranger.

Azriel's cool-guy demeanor seemed to drop the slightest bit. “Why not?”

You looked at him pointedly. “I don't know you. And I have no interest in being corrupted. Why do you want me to come to this party so badly anyway?”

He shrugged casually. “I like you.”

“You don't know me!”

“See, that, right there,” he snapped his fingers and pointed at you. “You're funny. Smart, beautiful. What's not to like?”

You forced yourself to hold his gaze, even as a blush rose to your cheeks. “I'm not going to a party with someone I don't know. They make true crime documentaries about that sort of thing.”

He seemed to contemplate that for a moment. “Okay, you make a fair point. What do you want to do then?”

“What do you mean?”

“You can pick our first date, since you didn't like my idea.”

“What date?” You blanched.

He arched an eyebrow. “Our first date? Weren't you listening?”

You studied him for a moment. For the life of you, you could not figure out what this guy's angle was. 

As if reading your mind, he said softly, “Look, I just saw you and thought you were really pretty, and that it looked like you could use a break from studying. That's it,” he held his hands up again. “I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. If you want me to go, I'll go.”

For a beat longer, you watched him, his body language, his ridiculously pretty face. What was the harm, really? You sighed, tore off a scrap of paper from your notebook, scribbled out your number, then handed it to him. “I need to study. If you text me later, I'll let you know where we're going on the first date.” 

His face broke out into what might have been the first genuine smile you'd seen from him. He took the paper from you, his fingers brushing against yours.

“Can't wait.”

You were half expecting to never hear from Azriel again. But just a few hours later, as you were eating dinner in your apartment, your phone chimed with a text. 

Az: Done studying yet?

It was an effort to bite down your smile. 

You: Taking a break for dinner. 

It was less than a minute before he responded. 

Az: Dinner? Is that what our first date is going to be?

You didn’t try to hide your smile this time.

You: A little cliche, don’t you think?

Az: Oh, absolutely. So… what are we doing?

You: Meet at the tennis courts at 7 tomorrow?

Az: We’re playing tennis?

You: No, but I’m not giving you my address. And I’m not giving away the surprise.

Az: So smart. So mysterious. I’m swooning.

You: Shut up.

Az: See you tomorrow ;)

You tossed your phone to the side, forcing yourself to focus back on your schoolwork.

The following day you parked your car by the empty tennis courts on campus just before 7. It was early spring; the weather finally started to warm up enough to not be too chilly in the evening. Still, you rubbed your arms nervously. You were starting to regret this. You didn’t know this guy at all. What if it went horribly wrong?

Before you could contemplate bailing, a familiar figure rode up on a jet black motorcycle. Of course this guy had a motorcycle. You couldn't see his face underneath the helmet, but you would already recognize those tattooed arms anywhere. 

He parked his bike, smoothly sliding off it and taking his helmet off before sauntering over to you. “Hey, beautiful.” 

You rolled your eyes, sure that he had said that to a million girls on a million dates before.

“What? Don’t do that,” he said softly, his smile softening and his gaze raking down your body. “You are beautiful.”

“Thank you,” you said quietly, giving in. 

“So,” he said, towering over you. “What’s the plan?”

You smiled. “How’s your mini golf game?”

He raised an eyebrow, looking a little skeptical. “Mini golf? That’s what you’re choosing?”

“Yes, it is. Do you have something to say about that?” you teased. 

His eyes sparked at the tone in your voice. “Nope. Nothing at all.” He nodded to his motorcycle. “You wanna hop on the bike?”

You looked pointedly at him and he laughed. “Didn’t think so,” he gestured to your car. “Lead the way.”

Your nerves started to dim as the two of you fell into a rhythm going through the course. The two of you were just talking and laughing like it was normal. It was… fun, actually.

“Shit,” Azriel muttered as he overshot the hole. Again.

You laughed and his eyes flicked over to you, lingering a bit. “You’re good at this, bookworm,” he said as he took another shot, sinking it into the hole this time. You watched, leaning against your putter, having finished that hole two shots ago. 

Shrugging, you said, “I used to go with my family a lot.”

He placed his hand on the small of your back as you walked to the next hole. You cleared your throat, focusing on your steps, on your breathing, on anything but how it felt to have him touch you so casually. “What about you?”

“What about me?” he asked as you dropped your ball onto the green. 

You took your shot before you answered. The ball landed just shy of the hole. “What’s your family like?”

“My family…” he trailed off, clearing his throat, setting up his shot. He paused to look at you for a moment before he swung. “It’s complicated.”

He hit the ball and it stopped right next to yours. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pry,” you said, as the two of you walked further down the hole.

“No, you didn’t. It’s just… I don’t really talk about them with anybody.”

You nodded, not sure where to go from here.

Azriel smiled reassuringly, nudging you lightly with his shoulder. “Stop worrying.”

“I’m not worrying,” you claimed, your voice an octave too high. 

“You are. I can tell.”

You bit your lip to hide your smile as you sunk your ball into the hole.

“I think I’m going to need some pointers from you on the next hole,” he grumbled. 

“I guess I could help you out,” you laughed. 

So, when you got to the next hole, the last hole, he stepped so close that your bodies were nearly touching. You tried to control your breathing. 

“You’re gonna help me out?” he murmured, his eyes flashing down to your lips for a moment. 

“Okay,” you breathed. 

He stepped behind you, his body pressed against your back, wrapping his arms around you, his hands covering yours on the club. 

“How is this going to help you, exactly?” you asked, your voice slightly unsteady. 

His lips brushed your ear as he said, “Oh, trust me, it’s helping.”

You couldn’t say anything. Could hardly breathe.

“What do you think I’m doing wrong?” He murmured. 

You swallowed. “You’re hitting it too hard. Not exactly rocket science.”

“Mmm. That makes sense. I do tend to go… hard.”

That finally had you coming to your senses. You stepped out of his grasp, turning back to glare at him when you were a safe distance away. 

The side of his mouth turned up into a smile. “Sorry. I couldn't help myself.”

You resisted the urge to roll your eyes at him again. “Just take your shot.”

He smirked at you for a moment, before he swung, and the ball went right into the hole. 

He turned to you, his eyes wide. You laughed and he hugged you, picking you up and spinning you around. 

You let out an involuntary squeal of surprise, and he laughed, gazing into your eyes as he set you back on the ground. “Thanks for the help.”

“I think you’ve been playing me this whole time,” you joked. 

His smile fell a little, his eyes sobering. 

“What’s wrong?” you asked. When he just stared at you, his expression unreadable, you added, “Azriel, I was joking.”

He blinked and then his natural, stoic expression was back as he took a step closer to you. “Right. I think you’re just a good teacher.”

You just looked at him, trying to decipher the changes in his mood, who he really was underneath the gruff exterior.

He smiled faintly, stepping even closer. “What are you thinking about?”

You had to crane your neck to look him in the eye now. “I'm trying to figure out what you're thinking about.”

Azriel's smile turned into a smirk. “I'm thinking… that I really want to kiss you. But I don't want to scare you away.”

Heat flooded your face and his smile turned softer as he cupped your cheek gently with a rough hand. “Would it scare you away?” He murmured.

“I -- don't know,” you said honestly.

His hazel eyes dipped to your lips and stayed there. “I think I'm gonna have to take the risk,” he said, his voice low, husky.

“I think so, too,” you breathed.

His free hand slinked around your waist, gently pulling your body into his. Your heart thundered in your chest as he leaned down, slowly bringing his lips to yours. He seemed to give you a moment to process, and you felt him smile against your mouth when you started to kiss him back, your fingers curling around his bicep, his shoulder.

You were breathless by the time he pulled away, and as the two of you drove back to the tennis courts, you couldn't help but hope that it would happen again by the end of the night.

When you parked your car near his motorcycle in the abandoned lot, he lingered, his gaze holding yours, dropping to your mouth again.

He shot you a crooked smile. “Aren't you gonna walk me to my bike?”

Rolling your eyes playfully, you got out of the car, walking over to the motorcycle and settling against the fence near it, crossing your arms over your chest. “Happy now?” You asked.

Slowly, he sauntered over to you, his eyes twinkling under the stars. He raised his arm, twining his fingers in the chain link fence above your head, leaning his body towards you, but not quite touching. He gazed down at you, still sporting that half smile. “Very happy,” he murmured.

Your breath hitched and when his smile widened, you knew he heard it. 

He held your gaze as he leaned down, bringing his mouth to yours again. You let yourself fall deeper into the kiss this time, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him into you. 

When he finally pulled away, he was grinning. “Want to go for a ride before you head home?” He said, nodding to his motorcycle.

You had stepped far enough out of your comfort zone for today. “Maybe next time.”

He raised his eyebrows in amusement. “So you're giving me a next time?”

Damn. You blushed. “I said maybe.”

“Uh huh, sure,” he said, leaning in again so his lips were barely an inch from yours. “You can't wait to see me again,” he whispered.

You shoved him away lightly and he chuckled, backing up towards his bike, but keeping his eyes on you. “Until next time, then. Have a good night, bookworm.” He winked before putting his helmet on and speeding away.

A few weeks, a few dates, and several kisses later, you couldn't deny that Azriel was on your mind quite a bit.

You had never thought that someone like him would be interested in someone like you, but he seemed to prove time and time again that he did indeed like you. He texted you flirty little things every day, making you blush in class. He asked about your day, and seemed to genuinely be listening, and he would do pretty much anything you wanted on your dates. Last week, the two of you had gone to a local bookstore and he had watched you browse, a small smile on his face. He ended up picking out a book he wanted you to read and you did the same for him. He had been sending you daily updates on his progress through the book. Slowly, you were starting to let your walls down, despite yourself.

So, when he asked you to finally go to a party with him, to meet his friends, you accepted. You still felt cautious: partying had never been something that you were remotely interested in, but you trusted him.

---

Azriel knew he had to tread this next part carefully. Things had been going well with you. He let you take control of your time together so you would be comfortable, and honestly, he was actually having a really good time getting to know you and seeing where you would take him next.

And when you kissed him… God. It was always a struggle to keep his hands on your waist, to stay PG. He wished he could explore things further with you in that regard, but he wouldn't let himself go there. Not when your broken heart was the finish line.

He rarely let himself think about it -- the deal that he had made with Claire. Being with you felt so natural that he usually forgot he was supposed to be acting. That he was supposed to be leading you to Claire’s revenge.

He had convinced you to come to a party, upon Claire's request so she could see the progress he had made with you. You had said yes, he assumed because you trusted him enough now. The thought made his stomach roll. He was really starting to hate himself for getting mixed up in this.

Azriel acted differently around you than he did around the rest of the general population. At a young age he had learned to keep quiet, to not show a single emotion on his pretty face, to be tough, or be punished. 

With you… he couldn't help but smile. Couldn't stop the laughs that he usually stomped down for the rest of the world.

So, having his two worlds collide at this party…he didn't know exactly how to navigate it. Deep down, it made his heart swell that you trusted him enough to help you navigate something so far out of your comfort zone. But if his friends saw the way he acted around you, he would never hear the end of it.

This would be a mess.

If Azriel wasn't leaning against his motorcycle when you exited your apartment building, he may have fallen over. You were wearing skintight jeans and a black tank top that showed more cleavage than he ever imagined he'd see from you. His fingers flexed on his biceps. He wanted to pull you back into your apartment and spend an hour peeling those clothes away inch by inch.

He blinked the lust away, trying to maintain his stoic expression, but failed, as he always did with you. He smiled at you and you smiled back. 

He could tell by the way you carried yourself as you neared him that you were nervous. “Hey, beautiful,” he drawled his usual greeting as you wrapped your arms around his waist in your usual greeting.

“Hi,” you said, a little sheepishly. His eyes must have lingered on your curves a little too long because your eyes widened a bit, and you bit your lip nervously as you pulled away from him. He nearly groaned. “Is it too much? Do I look stupid?”

Azriel placed his hands on your shoulders gently, dipping his head to look you in the eyes. “You look amazing. Seriously.”

You blushed and murmured, “Thank you.”

He had to turn away, to grab your helmet, so you wouldn't see how much you affected him. He fucking loved it when he made you blush like that. 

Azriel turned back to you, holding up the helmet, his eyebrows raising with amusement. “You ready to join the dark side, bookworm?”

You sighed, shifting on your feet. 

“It'll be okay,” he said softly. “I got you.”

You nodded, seeming to resolve yourself, and reached for the helmet with slightly shaking hands.

He helped you make sure it was on correctly, his fingers brushing your chin, your neck. He bit back a smile as you shivered.

Azriel held your hand as you got settled on the back of the bike, showing you where to put your feet, and how to shift your weight with him.

When you seemed at least somewhat comfortable, he slid his helmet on, smoothly setting onto the motorcycle. You wrapped your arms around his middle, pressing your chest into his back. You were already holding him like your life depended on it, and he beamed freely underneath the helmet.

“Hold on tight,” he shot back at you, before he revved the engine, taking off much more gently than he normally would.

He tried not to think about the feel of you pressed into him, how tightly you were holding on. It didn't work. He wanted to drive you everywhere.

He couldn't resist reaching back to briefly squeeze your thigh at a red light. “How are you doing?”

“Good,” you said. He couldn't be sure, but he thought he heard a smile in your voice.

Too soon in Azriel's opinion, they had made it to the party. He parked, offering you his hand to help you get down.

When he pulled the helmet off your head, he was pleased to see that you were indeed smiling.

“Have fun?” He smirked.

“I did, actually,” you said, sounding a little breathless. 

“Whenever you need a ride, you just let me know,” he winked.

You laughed, glancing behind him at the house. 

He took your hand in his, squeezing reassuringly. You seemed to relax a bit. “We can leave whenever you want, okay?”

Taking a deep breath, you nodded and smiled nervously up at him.

You were doing this for him, he realized. Because he had asked you to. His heart constricted, guilt churning in his gut again as he led you inside, your hand squeezing his tightly. 

His shoulders tightened as he led you through the crowd, making sure you were tucked in close to him. 

“You want a drink?” he asked, as you made your way to the kitchen.

“Sure,” you said.

He rifled through what was on the sticky counter, trying to find something not disgusting for you to drink, making sure you stayed close to him. 

Finally handing you a cup, he put your hand on the small of your back, guiding you to a corner of the living room that wasn’t yet very crowded. He took a seat on the couch and you settled in next to him, tucked closely into his side. 

You smiled, leaning your shoulder into his. “Is this really it?” You asked skeptically. “You just sit here and drink around a bunch of drunk idiots?”

He laughed before he could stop himself. “I mean, yeah, that’s pretty much it,” he said, dipping his head to say in your ear. “Or we could dance. Or make out,” he smiled against your ear. 

You blushed and he laughed again, kissing your temple. 

Azriel wrapped an arm around your shoulders as Cassian and Rhys showed up, grinning at you, their eyebrows raised. Azriel fought the urge to roll his eyes. They had seen him laughing with you, kissing you, he knew. He had nearly forgotten where he was, why he was here with you. He loved them, but he wasn’t sure what they would say to you about him. They didn’t know about his arrangement with Claire, and he had been keeping details about his relationship with you as vague as possible.

“So you’re the one Az has been spending all his time with,” Cassian grinned. 

You smiled sheepishly, leaning further into Azriel. “I guess.”

Azriel nodded to his friends. “This is Cassian and Rhysand. They’ve been my best friends since we were kids.”

He could tell you were intrigued by that. He still hadn’t told you anything about his childhood. 

Before you could ask any questions, Claire showed up next to Azriel’s friends, her expression the very picture of friendship. It unsettled him so much that he held you closer to him, so you were practically on his lap. 

“Hi Claire,” you smiled, and his heart sank. You really had no idea how Claire felt about you. 

Claire smiled back. “Hey. I never expected to see you here.”

“I’m trying new things,” you said, smiling lightly at Azriel.

He couldn’t take it, having you so close to Claire, seeing that trust you had in him when you looked at him. He cleared his throat, standing up and offering you his hand. You took it, smiling politely at Claire and his friends as he led you through the house, out to the backyard. 

“Is everything okay?” You asked, looking up at him curiously as he leaned his back against the side of the house.

“Yeah,” he said, unable to stop the smile that rose to his face as you gazed at him with your big doe eyes. He tugged you closer, wrapping his arms around your waist. “I just wanted you to myself for a minute.”

“Oh yeah?” you flushed, and before he could stop himself, he kissed your cheeks, feeling the heat against his lips before his lips met yours in a slow, sensual kiss.

He was still kissing you when he heard Cassian snickering close by. “Oh shit, he’s whipped.”

Azriel rolled his eyes as he pulled away from you, but kept his hold on your waist. “How am I whipped?”

Cassian’s eyes gleamed with mischief and Azriel’s heart started to pound. “Sneaking out here on your own. You’re usually content to stay on the couch to make out with your girl of the week.”

Your body tensed in his arms and Azriel groaned internally, glaring at Cassian, who smirked. “Oh, she didn’t know? My bad, Az.”

Azriel’s expression was enough to send Cassian back inside. 

Your brow furrowed as you stepped back, out of his reach. “Girl of the week?”

He winced. “He’s being dramatic.”

You raised your eyebrows, glaring at him, crossing your arms over your chest. 

It was kind of adorable, but Azriel reigned in that comment. He held up his hands in surrender. “Okay, look. I told you when we met that I go to parties and meet girls there. But things are different now,” he said, taking a step closer to you. And it was true. Things were different. You had been the one haunting his thoughts since that first date. He had barely looked at anyone else since.

After a moment, you sighed, and he knew you wouldn’t resist when he wrapped his arms back around you. 

“Cassian’s an idiot,” he murmured, his focus back on your lips that he was dying to kiss again.

“So I’m not the girl of the week?” you said quietly, your eyes on his lips now. 

He smiled. “We’ve been seeing each other for several weeks, haven’t we?”

You nodded, biting your lip, before you stood up on your tiptoes to press a quick kiss to his lips. Azriel was surprised by his own relief. “Are we going back inside?” you asked. 

“Not if you don’t want to,” he said, wrapping his arms around your waist again. 

Pursing your lips in thought, you said, “Mmm. Let’s go back in.”

“Yeah?” he said, surprised.

You smiled up at him, resting your chin on his chest. His heart melted. “I’m trying to be brave.”

He kissed your forehead, smiling faintly. “I’m proud of you, bookworm.”

You beamed, your whole face lighting up. 

Azriel led you inside, his hand on the small of your back, trying to manage the swell of emotions in his chest. He didn’t have the time to process them right now. 

The two of you mingled throughout the party for a few hours, and you even went so far as to dance with him for a bit, your body pressed against his, your hips swaying to the beat of the pounding music. He could hardly believe it, the way you let loose with him.

He stopped in the bathroom before the two of you left. He wasn’t gone for more than a few minutes, but when he returned, he spotted you near the kitchen, backing away from a guy who was clearly very drunk and very horny. Azriel saw red. 

Before he could take a second to think, Azriel was upon the bastard, punching him in the jaw. 

He heard you yelp. The asshole staggered back, swearing, his hand cradling his jaw. Azriel barely spared him a glance, his hands gently holding either side of your face, his gaze raking your body, searching for any sign that he had touched you. 

Your eyes were wide, your breathing labored, but you seemed physically fine. “Are you okay?” he asked. 

You nodded, your eyes still frantic. 

He wrapped his arm around your shoulders as he led you outside. Claire caught his eye on the way out, hers shining with delight. He scowled at her. 

When you made it outside, he hugged you to his chest. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” 

“I shouldn’t have left you alone.”

You snorted. “You were gone for a few minutes. It’s not your fault that men are gross.”

“Are you okay, really?” He asked, pulling back to look you in the eye.

“I’m okay,” you said quietly. 

He held you close to him, gazing at you for another moment before you smiled faintly. “You really didn’t need to punch him, you know.”

He winced slightly, remembering the yelp you let out when he threw that punch. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be,” you said, rising on your tiptoes to kiss him. 

Azriel held you until his heart rate slowed down, until his body was convinced that you were okay.

Later, after he had dropped you off at your apartment, Azriel stayed awake, tossing and turning, so many images from that night racing through his mind.

The way his heart constricted every time you smiled at him, the horror he felt at seeing Claire play nice, the terror and rage that flowed through his entire body when he saw that creep bothering you…

Azriel knew then, that he had real feelings for you. Shit.

---

“C’mon, baby, you’ve been studying for ages already,” Azriel murmured, standing behind you as you sat at your desk in your apartment, his arms draped around your chest, his lips trailing down your neck.

Your toes curled, heat running right through you. You wanted to give in. You really did. But…

You sighed. “I’m sorry, Az. I have this big exam on Tuesday. And finals are only a few weeks away.”

For some reason, that comment made his entire body stiffen. “Oh, yeah. Finals.”

You snorted. “Don’t tell me you forgot about finals.”

“No, I just… they’re soon.” His voice wavered a bit as he stood up fully. You twisted in your seat to look up at him. His brow was furrowed, his eyes swimming with anxiety. 

“What’s wrong?” You asked, reaching up and cupping his cheek with your hand. “Do you need me to help you study?” He had never seemed to care about his grades before.

He leaned into your touch for a moment, shooting you a forced smile. “No, it’s okay. I’ll be fine. I should go, and let you study.” He stooped down to press a quick kiss to your lips. “I won’t distract you anymore today.” 

Before you could even respond, he was out the door. 

You turned back to your notes, but couldn’t digest any of the information. That was… weird.

Azriel and you had been dating for months now. Though neither of you had ever put a label on it, you both knew you were exclusive. 

In the privacy of your own mind, you secretly loved that he acted so differently around you than he did out and about on campus. You felt like you got a different version of him that was saved especially for you. It made your heart swell, all the little things he did for you each day. 

You were also willing to admit, to yourself only, that you were absolutely in love with him. You had known for weeks now, and had been debating whether or not you should tell him. 

He had been the one that made you step out of your comfort zone, to try new things, to be brave. 

So, soon. You would tell him soon.

--- 

Azriel had to get out of the deal. Now.

He remembered the exact moment that he realized he was in love with you. It was a random afternoon, the two of you were watching TV at his apartment. He was laying on the couch, you were laying on top of him, your legs intertwined with his, your head on his chest. He was absentmindedly running his fingers through your hair while you giggled about something that happened on the show. 

And he had the thought. I want my whole life to look like this. 

And he knew. He loved you.

This had scared him, obviously, on multiple levels. He had never loved anyone before, never knew what that looked like. Yet somehow, he knew without a doubt that it was true. 

And then, of course, there was the deal he had made with the devil. 

He had known early on that he would have to get out of the deal. He had just been putting it off, hoping that Claire’s insanity would die down throughout the semester. 

But now his time was up. 

He prayed to whoever might be listening that Claire would listen to reason. That she would call it off. He couldn’t bear the thought of hurting you. He wouldn’t do it. 

Claire smirked as she opened the door. “I’ve been wondering when you would show up. It’s been a long time, Az,” she purred. 

Azriel stalked into her apartment, barely sparing her a glance. “The deal’s off, Claire.”

She cocked her head to the side, amused. “Oh? Why is that?”

“Because it’s insane,” he growled. “You were insane for coming up with it, and I was insane for agreeing to it. I’m done.”

Slowly, her lips curled up into a lethal smile. “You fell for her.”

Azriel blinked. 

Claire cackled. “Oh, this is rich. You actually fell for the bookworm? I never thought I’d see the day. No wonder you haven’t been crawling into my bed.”

He scowled. “The deal’s off,” he repeated in the tone he used to scare people away.

She really looked at him then, her eyes bearing into his. After a moment, she finally said, “Okay.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Okay? Just like that?”

Claire shrugged. “You were right. It was an insane plan. And it didn’t even work,” she said bitterly. “You suck at your job. She’ll still be on the top of the Dean’s list, even after all your lovey-dovey shit.”

A swell of pride ran through him at the thought of your name at the top of that list.

“Alright,” he said, his brow furrowed, trying to figure out if there was some kind of angle here. But, there didn’t seem to be one. 

He left quickly, his heart and mind feeling lighter. The guilt of how the two of you started would always be there, he knew. But now when he looked into the future, it wasn’t a hazy blur of nothingness that he saw. It was you.

---

The week before finals, there were parties everywhere. So you heard. 

You had gone to a few more with Az over the past few months. It still wasn’t exactly your thing, but you didn’t mind going, especially with Azriel being so attentive to you every time you did. 

Azriel didn’t seem particularly interested in going to this one, but his friends had been complaining that they never saw him anymore, so he agreed to go. And you had agreed to go with him, if only to take a break from your near constant studying these days.

You followed him through the crowd, his hand clasping yours, as always. Drinks in hand, you made your way to the outskirts of a group of people who were dancing and you joined them, Azriel pulling you in close to him, moving against you.

A laugh burst from you, and Azriel grinned, leaning down to kiss you. 

You were so happy, you thought. So happy in that moment with him. You knew people watched you, as they usually did when Azriel was like this with you. You didn’t care.

When he pulled back from the kiss, he gazed down at you, his eyes swimming with affection. 

“I love you,” you said before you could stop it.

His eyes sobered, and he pulled you in even closer, so your bodies were flush together. He leaned his forehead against yours, and in a crowd of people, Azriel said, a soft smile on his face, “I love you, too.”

Your heart leaped and you grinned, threading your fingers in his hair and bringing his lips to yours. 

Suddenly, the music stopped, and from the TV came a voice. Azriel’s voice. 

Everyone turned to the sound, curiously, watching. The video was jumpy, filming the floor, like it was filmed from someone’s pocket. 

Azriel tensed, his arms still around you. “Fuck,” he said. “We need to go.”

Utterly confused, you didn’t argue as he pulled you through the crowd. But you stopped dead in your tracks when you heard video Azriel say, “Sweetheart, you know I can fuck you anytime I want, right? That is not going to persuade me to help you.”

Your blood ran cold, shock jolting from your heart down to your toes. Azriel was tugging on your arm, but you didn’t budge as you heard Claire’s voice next. 

Claire. He had been talking to Claire. What did he mean, that he could fuck her whenever he wanted? You hadn’t even known that they knew each other. When was this filmed?

“Baby, please, I’ll explain everything, but we need to go,” Azriel was saying, sounding frantic. 

You wrenched your arm from his grasp, weaving through the still crowd, moving toward the TV. You heard him swear, calling your name behind you, but you kept moving.

They were saying something about a deal, about him owing her a favor. You couldn’t make sense of it, not until you heard video Azriel say, “Alright, so I just have to seduce the bookworm? Easy.”

Video Claire responded, “No, if I’m going to agree to any favor you could possibly want, you’re going to have to go further. You need to make her fall in love with you.”

It was then that you noticed Claire, next to the TV, her eyes locked on you, smirking. 

You couldn’t breathe, your legs were going to give out -- 

It was all fake. All of it. 

Azriel caught up to you then, picking you up, slinging you over his shoulder. You didn’t protest, the shock setting in. You had to get out of there, even if it was him that carried you out. 

When he made it outside, you pounded on his back with your fists. “Put me down, you asshole!”

“Sorry,” Azriel said, wincing as he gently set you on your feet. “You looked like you were going to pass out.”

“Like you even care,” you spat, storming away from him. 

“Of course I care. Please, just give me a minute to explain,” he pleaded, following you. 

“Explain what?” You stopped abruptly, spinning around to face him. “That you played me for a fool? Made me fall in love with you as a sick joke? Well, congratulations, it worked,” you said, pouring every ounce of venom that you could muster into your voice. You turned back around and continued walking as tears started pricking your eyes. You refused to let him see you cry.

“It may have started out that way, but it’s not like that anymore. From the first date, I had feelings for you. I love you. You have to believe that,” he said, right on your heels. 

You knew he could catch up with you easily if he wanted to. He was hanging back, trying to give you your space. That pissed you off even more. “How could I possibly believe that?” 

“Because you feel it, I know you do,” he said, finally wrapping his fingers around your wrist.

You tugged your hand free, but stopped walking, needing to catch your breath. You faced him. “What was the point?” You asked quietly. “Why make the deal?”

It didn’t matter. But you had to know.

He sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Claire and I used to date. When you transferred, you pushed her off the top spot of the Dean’s list. She hated you for it. She said she would give me any favor I wanted if I made you fall for me… to distract you from school.”

You were so surprised that the tears you had been holding in started to fall. You angrily swatted them away. 

Azriel continued, “I said no at first, but she was persistent, and…” he took a deep breath, darting his eyes away from you for a moment. They were shining with unshed tears. “I have no excuse. I agreed to it. I’m an asshole. But you made me want to be different.”

“Was any of it true?” You heard yourself saying, your voice breaking. 

He lifted his hand, like he was about to reach for yours, then let it drop, thinking better of it. “It was all true. From our first date, you were breaking down my walls, making me smile, making me laugh.” He smiled sadly. “I fell for you. I love you,” he said, and now a lone tear did slide down his cheek. “I called it off with Claire ages ago. I told her I was out, and she agreed. I… I didn’t know she filmed it.”

You wanted to believe him, that he really did love you. But… “Even if you do love me, that doesn’t change what you did,” you said in a small voice. 

Azriel sniffed, wiping the tears off his face. “I know. I am so, so sorry.”

Shaking your head, backing away from him, you choked out, “I don’t -- I can’t. I can’t do this right now.”

He took a step toward you, his eyes pleading. “Please. Please don’t go.”

Turning your back to him, you walked away, barely registering the pavement beneath your feet, the direction you were going. 

Azriel called your name, but you kept walking.

You knew he had followed you home, not letting you walk alone at night. You watched his form retreat after you locked yourself inside your apartment with trembling hands. 

You went to bed, not even bothering to change. Laying on your back, watching your ceiling fan spin around and around, you tried to identify all that you were feeling: shame, humiliation, sorrow. Fury. 

Replaying all that had happened between you, all the times he was probably laughing at you with his friends behind your back. You felt nauseous. 

How could he do this? How could he have played you for so long?

What the hell were you supposed to do now?

You woke up to several missed calls and texts from Azriel, all sent hours apart. It seemed that he didn’t get any sleep at all.

I am so sorry. I’m the worst person in the world. I know that. 

I know what you’re thinking right now. I know that you’re going over it all in your head. But, it was real, baby. It was all real. I swear it was. I love you so much.

I’m hoping you’re getting some sleep. Can I see you today?

Groaning, you tossed your phone to the side, and took a long shower. By the time you got out, someone was knocking on your door. 

You quickly dressed in some old pajamas and called through the door, “Go away, Az.”

“Well, at least you’re alive,” you heard him say. “Can I please come in? Two minutes?”

You threw the door open, furious. “No, you cannot come in. You humiliated me. You used me. You had your fun. What else could you possibly want?”

Azriel was standing on the threshold, his hands in his pockets nervously, his facial expression looked like you had just slapped him. “I want to apologize! I want to make things better, that’s what I want.”

Biting your lip to keep from crying, you said quietly, “Go away.” 

His face fell. “I love you.”

Shaking your head, you said, “You don’t.”

He took a step forward, wedging his foot on the door jam so you couldn’t close it on him. “I do,” he said, his eyes pleading, baring into yours. “You know that I do. You know I’ve never let anybody else see the real me. Nobody but you.”

Tears spilled onto your cheeks then, and he wiped them away gently. Despite everything, you couldn’t back away. “It doesn’t matter,” you croaked. “You only went out with me so you could help her ruin my life.”

Azriel opened his mouth, as if to reply, but then shut it. 

You laughed humorlessly. “See? Even you don’t have a comeback.”

His eyes softened, his rough fingers still absentmindedly stroking your cheeks. “Please,” he said again. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not enough,” you whispered, your heart breaking all over again as you looked up at him, at the pain in his eyes.

“How do I fix it?” He whispered back, tears sliding freely down his cheeks now.

“I don’t know,” you said, stepping back out of his grasp. “Please, Az. I just -- I need to be alone right now.”

He nodded, drawing his arm across his face to wipe the tears away. “Okay. Okay, I’ll umm -- I’ll see you later?”

You didn’t know how to answer that, didn’t know if you would see him again at all. He took a step back, into the hallway. 

Without another word, you shut the door.

Especially knowing where that awful bet had originated, you refused to let Azriel and Claire get in your head for finals. You buckled down, spending entire days at the library studying, writing papers, finishing projects. 

It was helpful, actually. You didn’t allow yourself to think about him, about all the memories you had that had become so tainted and confusing. 

By the end of the semester, you had maintained all your A’s, passing every final with flying colors. And thus, secured the very top spot of the Dean’s list.

Azriel had been texting and calling every day. You left them all unanswered. 

You hadn’t yet had time to think, to process through the hurt. 

A new text chimed as you were packing up your car to head home for the summer. 

Saw the list. Nicely done, bookworm. I know it doesn’t matter, but I really am proud of you. Looks like all that hard work paid off ❤️

Despite everything, there was a swell of emotion in your chest at his words. God, why did everything have to be so awful?

Later, you were hefting your last box into your trunk when you heard the distinct sound of a motorcycle slowing down behind you. Your heart raced. You couldn’t tell if you wanted to see him again or not.

Slowly, you turned around to see Azriel sliding off the bike, his helmet tucked under his arm. “Hey, beautiful,” he said, somewhat tentatively.

“Hi,” you said softly. 

He nodded to your car, his expression grave. “You’re leaving?”

“Back home for the summer,” you said, unable to take your eyes off him. He looked tired. And sad. 

A moment passed silently, the two of you just looking at each other, pain hanging in the air between you.

“I miss you,” he said quietly. 

You sighed. Willed yourself to be brave. “I miss you, too,” you admitted. 

Something like hope gleamed in his eyes. “I love you,” he murmured. 

“I --” you started, and couldn’t bear it. “I need time.”

He looked crestfallen, like you had just punched him in the gut, but he nodded. “The summer?”

You swallowed. “Okay,” you said. “Okay. I get the summer, and I’ll find you in the fall. We’ll talk then.”

“Thank you,” he said, quietly. “Thank you for… for that. For talking to me now,” he winced. “I know I don’t deserve it.”

“No, you don’t,” you said, but there was no malice in it. You were too tired. “I get the summer, Az. Don’t contact me until school starts.”

He looked like he wanted to argue, but agreed. “Okay. I’ll see you in September,” he said, backing up towards his bike. “Have a good summer, bookworm,” he added with the slightest of smiles, before he slid on his helmet and drove away.

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

You spent most of the summer moping around, reading books, and trying to sort through everything that happened, all the feelings you had. 

For three months, you sifted through every moment that Azriel and you had shared together, picking them apart, deciphering every movement. 

It may have been slightly unhealthy.

No matter what you did, you couldn’t unsee it: Claire’s smirk, her eyes alight with evil joy as she watched you unravel before everyone at that party. The party that you were only at because you trusted Azriel, loved him. 

You couldn’t get Azriel’s words out of your head. I just have to seduce the bookworm? Easy.

It had been easy for him. You melted like putty in his hands from the first time he touched you. Humiliation rolled through you in a wave again, even if there was nobody to see it. You had never cared much what other people thought of you. It was something you had always taken pride in. But this… this was an embarrassment, a hurt that ran bone deep. 

And that nickname for you, the one that sent butterflies through your stomach every time he said it, had come from there, from that awful deal he had made to publicly break your heart.

You couldn’t understand how to put the pieces together of the Azriel you knew and the Azriel who would do this, who had willingly hurt you so badly. It didn’t make any sense. It probably never would.

Thinking back to him calling after you on that dark street, your breath coming to you in short, shallow gulps, he had said that he had called off the deal, that he didn’t know she had filmed it. Like that was supposed to make it better. 

All it meant was that he wouldn’t have told you. You may have spent your whole life with him, and he would’ve kept that secret, forever hiding the fact that he had only noticed you because his girlfriend hated you.

And you would have spent your whole life with him, if he had let you. That was the worst part. You really did love him more than you had ever loved anyone, felt more than you ever knew you could. 

The love had been real, you knew, even if it hadn’t started out that way. That just made it more unbearable.

Dread filled your very bones as September drew closer, of the inevitable moment when you would have to see him again, lay everything out on the table. You still didn’t know what you would say.

---

On the last day of August, Azriel sealed his final letter to you. 

He put it in the box with the other 91 letters, one for every day that you were apart. 

It killed him, not being able to see you, not being able to reach out at all. But, you had made your boundaries very clear, and he wasn’t about to mess that up now, not after everything that he had done. So, he wrote and wrote and wrote, telling you all the things he hadn’t got to in person. 

He hoped that he would get the chance to give the letters to you, to express just how sorry he was and how deeply he loved you. 

The summer was miserable. For as much shit as Cassian and Rhysand gave him when he was with you, they had even admitted that they missed having you around, if only because it kept Azriel from being pissed off and mopey all the time. 

The worst part was that he had nobody to blame but himself. He had tried to blame Claire, at first. But, he knew it wasn’t sound. He was the one who had agreed to the deal, the one who had been with you every day, keeping that damning secret. 

It had taken him a while to work up the nerve to text you on the first day of September, asking to meet. 

He felt like he was holding his breath until you finally responded hours later, asking to meet up at the tennis courts. 

He couldn’t tell if that was a good sign or a bad one, that you had asked to meet up at the same place from your first date. It could be a sweet full circle moment. Or it could mean that you don’t want him near you, and want to meet somewhere public because of it. His heart cracked at the thought.

You were already there when he arrived, sitting under a tree, your body closed in on itself. His heart leaped at the sight of you after all this time. 

He approached you slowly, like he would an injured animal. When you looked up, you didn’t smile. His heart sank into his stomach, apprehension weighing down every part of him. 

“Hey, beautiful,” he said, trying to keep his voice light, but it came out gruff and raspy. 

“Hi,” you said timidly, gesturing for him to sit down. 

He did. It wasn’t lost on him that you were looking at him like he was a stranger. Maybe to you, he was now. 

Azriel stayed silent, waiting for you to speak, willing you to say that you forgave him and everything could go back to the way it was.

It took you another few moments before you said, your eyes trained on your hands in your lap, “I thought about everything a lot over the summer. Over and over and over again. And I just…” you looked to the sky, trying to keep the tears from falling, he knew. Panic shot through his whole body. “I can’t get past it, Az,” you whispered. “I can’t be with you, knowing how we started.”

Azriel felt like the world was spinning, like everything around him was on fire. “I love you,” was all he could manage, the words choked out of him. 

Finally, you looked into his eyes, tears falling down your cheeks now. It took everything he had to stay where he was, to not wipe them away. “I deserve more,” you said, your voice cracking. “I deserve someone who wants me from the beginning.”

“I want you,” he said, not caring that he was crying in public, that he was groveling on his knees where anyone could see him. “I love you.”

“Please don’t make this harder than it already is,” you croaked. 

Azriel wanted to argue, to kick and scream and cry. He wanted to beg you to take him back, to give him another chance. He wanted to throw that box of letters at your feet and prove that he had thought of nothing else, nothing but you for three months. 

But, it wasn’t what you wanted. And Azriel had done enough to hurt you already. 

It took every bit of strength he could muster to force his mouth to say, quietly, “Okay. I hope you get everything that you want, bookworm. Everything. I mean that.” 

It took everything in him to rise to his feet, to walk away and leave you behind in that grass. 

As he threw the box of letters into the dumpster behind his apartment with shaking hands, he knew without a doubt that his heart would never be repaired, that there would always be a hole in him that nothing but you could ever fill.

He wished he could go back to the way he was: the aloof asshole who didn’t give a shit about anybody or anything. But he couldn’t be that guy, not anymore. Not after you.

So, instead he spent his days walking through the world with the rest of the heartbroken, cursing his own damned name over and over again, until it meant absolutely nothing.

@loving-and-dreaming @birdsflyhome @hanuh @sheblogs @iambored24601 @thalia-as-blog @evergreenlark @ecliphttlunar @bookloverandalsocats @melmo567 @headacheseason @sillysillygoose444 @yourqueenlilith @mariamay02 @halibshepherd @azrielshadows1nger @cigvrette-dvydrevms

[we-stan-cale]

I want to hear about your favorite moments in TCF.

I have a long list, but I'll start with one that I don't hear people talk about much - Cale's conversation with Lock and Raon the night before the battle at the gorge.

First, I absolutely love how Cale handled Lock here. Lock is feeling like a failure, guilty, a coward - a whole bunch of negative things because he's no longer able to use his berserk transformation, and he thinks it's because he's afraid.

Cale - acts normal. It's hard to describe what that means, or why it matters. He just doesn't make a big deal out of it. Not like he's dismissing Lock's fears, but also not like he thinks Lock needs to be reassured.

This is right after Lock told Cale he couldn't go berserk. Rosalyn is also there, and the 'she' it starts with.

She heard a quiet voice at that moment. Pat. “Why is a young boy like you so skinny?” Rosalyn could see Cale pat Lock on the back before heading toward the tent entrance. Cale opened up the flap in order to exit as he looked toward Lock. “Let’s go.”

Cale just... Doesn't respond to the fear, but does show care and concern. And just treats Lock like normal (except in this case that's not really normal).

He then basically gets Lock to focus on the here and now, so Lock won't go into that headspace where he keeps feeling like he's a failure. He's preventing Lock from spiraling as he keeps thinking about what a failure he is.

Cale started to speak as soon as the young boy stopped right in front of him. “Focus on my back. Follow behind me and don’t think about anything else.”

And then he invites Lock to dinner. Just Lock, Raon, and Cale. Cale lets Lock talk, and then said something I absolutely love:

Lock’s mumblings stopped as soon as Cale asked a question. “Would you throw me away if I was weak?” “What-” Something like that was unbelievable. Lock throw Cale away? Lock’s eyes opened wide in shock as Cale smiled back at him. “Lock, you wouldn’t, right?” Cale picked his fork back up. “So, don’t ask something so obvious. Just eat.”

I love my progression fantasy, but the protagonists in those stories almost always have the same solution for every problem - get stronger.

To hear the protagonist say something like this is just so refreshing. Like - your worth is not tied up with being strong. You are a worthwhile person even if you can't destroy a wall with one punch. You wouldn't throw away someone else just because they were weak, so why are you being so hard on yourself?

And Raon hearing this leads into the final part, the conversation they have as they prepare for bed.

“By the way, human.” “What is it?” Cale made eye contact with the six-years-old Dragon who stopped connecting the device and looked toward him. Raon looked at Cale and asked. “I cannot go through my first growth phase. Is that okay?” ...

“Didn’t I answer that last time? Don’t ask me something so obvious.” “…Is it okay if I am weak?”

...

“Raon, although I am weaker than you, I’ve lived at least thirty, no, fifteen years more than you. But I am still weaker than you. I am not even as strong as you front paw. Is that a problem?” Cale realized his mistake and quickly changed the years before looking at Raon. “It is not a problem at all.”

There's more, but I've already copied enough so if you want to read the rest you should just go check that chapter out.

The thing here is that Raon, who was supposed to go through his first growth phase, couldn't. It now looks like he was afraid of how weak and vulnerable he would be during that.

And Cale, dense though he can be, perfectly reassures Raon.

Now if only that lovely, dense and yet wise man could treat himself with a fraction of the consideration he shows everyone else.

[jazeswhbhaven]

💜Only 4 Me, Levi: Mass Birthday Post💜

💜Mini Playlist💜

Obsession- Innerpartysystem Change- Deftones People Error- the GazettE Filth in the Beauty- the GazettE I'm That Girl- Beyonce All Mine- Kali Uchis

💜Cake Flavor Headcanon💜

White Chocolate Raspberry bundt cake, drizzled with sweet cream and Raspberry compote

💜How the Nobles Celebrate Their King's Birthday💜

Foras: He mostly tries to convince Glas and Barbatos to leave Leviathan alone so he can serve him by himself all day. After being turned down for the third time with the span of five minutes, he's opted to hang himself for him instead.

Barbatos: He wanted to present a perfect rosebush he worked on growing in the shape of Leviathan. But it was too distracting so Levi destroyed it and Barb was to hang for thinking he could replicate Levi's beauty with plants.

Glasyalabolas: He intentionally seeks out MC, in attempts to spend alot of time with them in order to agitate his Majesty. He's even taken off the top half of his uniform to show off his form and let MC put their hand through his chest...which didn't last long because Leviathan immediately dragged him back to the palace by his rope to hang.

Orias: Oh the usual, he tried to get his soul...steal his life force, pulled all the pranks he could because he assumed he'd be distracted by his birthday and MC. He even put poison in a cupcake and tricked MC into delivering it. Ofc Levi suspected it and every plan failed. Up he goes!

Overall: None of these nobles work together, too jealous of one another and wanting to one up on who's praising Levi the most. Sadly, it's even certain that Levi would hate it more if his nobles planned something together for him anyway. How dare they all work together to waste time? Well it is for him. But still, can't have idle hands when there's things in Hades to take care of.

💜How Levi Celebrates with MC💜

MC does what their told and stays exactly where they were standing with their phone in hand. Suddenly, there's a presence behind their back...

MC: Oh! Levi, you showed up...

Leviathan: Why wouldn't I? I told you I was coming...

MC: Right. Um, So?

Leviathan: First, look at my face. What do you see?

MC: Nothing in particular...just your face?

Leviathan: No. Tell me what you see.

MC: Just a pretty face looking at me? Is that what you wanted to hear?

Leviathan: *scoffs* Next, focus on my horns.

MC: Levi...

Leviathan: Is there a problem? Or are you just too stupid to pay attention?

MC: No! Hey. I get it you're better than the others...you don't have to show....

Leviathan grabs their arm and starts dragging them back to his room

Leviathan: It seems you need to focus in a more private setting. Being in the middle of this hallway has you thinking about other men again.

MC: ????? But I-

Leviathan: I swear if I could tie you up and throw you in my coffin for the rest of your life I would. At least there you would have nothing to think about.

MC: *thinks to themselves* Guess this is best I'll get for celebrating his birthday.

Leviathan: See? You're doing it right now aren't you? Unbelievable. Right in front of me...*grumbles and drags them faster*

💜Levi and Beel: The Worst Besties Ever💜

Beelzebub once tried to throw Leviathan a surprise birthday party in Aybssos by luring him there with false pretenses that it was important. The amount of devils yelling "surprise" pissed of Leviathan so much he chased around Beel for three days trying to kill him for doing this. After the three days, he went back home to find a pile of gifts waiting for him that magically appeared from Beel. He told Foras to burn every single one, but changed his mind and took them anyway. He still has the gifts in his room in a glass case that he covers with a blanket so others can't see it. He uncovers it once in a while to dust it and look over everything.

nsfw incoming....

💜He doesn't normally celebration his birthday so he skips the formalities

💜A present? Why did you waste so much time picking something when he hasn't told you what he liked? Oh wait...he does like it...

💜The gift is easily forgotten because he suspected you asked someone else about what he likes, which means you're speaking to other devils again

💜As your clothes strip, he asks who was it that told you what he liked? Was it that annoying fly? That beast from Tartaros? The walking disaster that defends Gehenna?

💜It doesn't matter who you were asking, you're here now sprawled on his bed with your legs folded close to your chest so he can thrust so deep you won't remember anything but his cock in your hole

💜He leans in for you so you have a good reach for his neck, make sure you choke him with vigor or he'll stop thrusting in that good spot that's making your eyes roll

💜Repeat his name over and over during, say it perfectly, same tempo, don't waver...he wants to know all you're thinking about is him.

💜How many hours have passed? Does it matter to you that much? Of course not. His mission has succeeded and you're thinking about nothing except of how your brain is mush, every orifice on your body has been filled with cum, and marks have been left in obvious places for others to see.

💜Your his. his. h i s. You belong to Leviathan. No matter if it's his birthday or any other day.

💜Happy Birthday to the Most Envious and Petty King, Leviathan 11/01💜

[kaiserposting]

Michael Kaiser, Alexis Ness — Wardrobe Malfunction

PAIRING: Michael Kaiser/Reader/Alexis Ness WORD COUNT: 1.6k TYPE: Humor, Clothes Swap NOTE(S): For the purposes of this situation, reader is on the shorter side, and also because I feel like they have the evil of a short person in their soul. Also, same Y/n character as Dog Walking, but you don't need to read that to read this at all!

Despite whatever airs you put on, you like wearing your Bastard München uniform. Mostly because it makes you feel like a big shot professional, which appeals to your sense of self-importance.

You don’t think much of it when you slip on your shirt, but soon enough it becomes apparent to you that something is off. It feels wrong, too loose. And it’s falling down way lower than what you’re used to. You take a few seconds to scrutinize it in between owlish blinks, although the emboldened logo on the front doesn’t aid you in figuring out this mystery.

The easy way to check comes to you soon enough, and you lift your leg to see a traitorous ten in the corner of the shorts instead of your number. A look of horror takes over your face… No… You’re going to get Kaiser’s cooties. He is contaminating you with his germs.

You can already feel them loosening after the movement, and once you put your foot back down, they immediately slide off. With a huff, you grab them from the floor and resolve to strut up to the crux of your dilemma.

When you approach, Kaiser has his back on you, and you immediately notice the big eight, and the wrong name accompanying it. Ness is struggling to fit into the shirt he got, and while his jersey isn’t too ill-fitting on Kaiser, it’s too short, leaving him to fumble with the hem to try and hide the exposed part of his waist.

“It’s just like the pants, I can’t put it on,” Ness cries.

“What do you mean, you can’t put it on?” Kaiser asks before taking a handful of fabric and yanking down with too much force. “See, you can put it on just fine.”

“I can barely move! This is ridiculous-”

Oh, you see how it is now. Are they stupid, though? How have they been talking for so long without pinpointing the problem? You sneak behind Kaiser and reel in your arm before smacking him on the back with the shorts, exerting all of your might.

He lets out a grunt of pain you believe is overdramatized since it can’t have hurt that much, shoulders jerking up. “Whoever did that, I will fucking curb stomp y-” and then, after he whips around and sees you, the threat dies down on his tongue.

“Your dirty pants, sir,” you say in a fake fancy voice before throwing them at his face.

Kaiser flings them away on the bench, narrowing his eyes at you with this weird mix between taunting and adoring. “What the fuck? What the fuck is wrong with you. You’re so cute right now. Let me see.”

With this new positioning, Ness seems to finally realize what happened, too, because he says, “Wait, Kaiser, that’s… m-mine.”

Ignoring him, Kaiser steps around to examine you, and his ugly grin that you can’t stand grows even wider somehow when he reads his name. His name that’s on you because you’re wearing his jersey. “Holy shit.”

“You look like an imp.”

He disregards you with ease, too — you have to admit he’s good at this ‘only hearing what he wants to hear’ stuff — and opens his locker to rummage through it. Ness says, “You’re- you’re wearing Kaiser’s? That’s so unfair.”

“Yeah, and you’re wearing mine. Stand proud. You’re blessed. Millions would kill to be in your place. Everyone’s gonna wear this merch in the future, but you get the real thing.”

“You seriously live in la-la-land, it’s unbelievable.”

You spin your finger in the air, seeming way too pleased with yourself. “Do a little twirl for me, I wanna see how it looks on you all around.”

“I will NOT be doing that,” Ness denies with a huff. He’s so uptight when it comes to anyone who’s not Kaiser. Someone would’ve thought you have gangrene or that you asked him to clean roadkill off the street or something with the way he’s acting.

What Kaiser was searching for in such a rush turns out to have been his phone, you come to find out when he starts taking pictures of you without even a modicum of shame. Multiple of them, if the repetitive pressing he’s doing is indicative of anything.

“Don’t point your phone at me, you sick fuck,” you say, reaching out to cover the lens.

Your efforts go in vain, since he just lifts it up high where you can’t reach and continues. “No way. You’re just way too cute right now. I mean, shit.”

Mocking you aside, there’s this thinly-veiled wonder on his face, and it’s making you want to vomit because of course he’d be the type to get a kick out of stupid shit like this. He’s so fucking lucky, too, it’s pissing you off. Among the three of you, he’s the only one who’s kind of in presentable condition.

Once you come close to swatting the device out of his grasp with a jump, Kaiser presses his palm to your face and shoves you away, keeping you at an arm’s length. Then he diverts his attention to Ness, snapping photos of him now and laughing. “You look stupid as hell.”

“Nooo, Kaiser, don’t! Stop!” Ness says, red-faced, to absolutely no avail.

He even takes a few steps back and does a bad job of covering his stomach with his hands while inching towards the bench, which… he makes a genuine attempt at ducking under. This doesn’t deter Kaiser from continuing his paparazzi session or whatever it is that he’s doing, nor does it conceal Ness from view.

You detach your cheek from Kaiser’s hold and announce, “Don’t worry, Ness, I’m gonna save you from the vile pig,” before you take an unnecessary leap and stick your fingers where the shirt is riding up, tickling his sides.

This startles him enough to let go of his phone (the apparatus of evil), sending it flying. You at least have enough decency to catch it, since you’re not really above letting it shatter either. Then you start scrolling through it with the intention of deleting the photos.

It doesn’t take Kaiser long to recover from your attack, and when he does, he reaches out to you. You assume he’s just trying to get his phone, so you kind of twist around to try and prevent him from doing so, but what he does is much worse.

He wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you into him before collapsing his stupid ass on the bench (which, at this point, has witnessed many horrors), leaving you to sit on his lap. Then — as if this isn’t offensive enough already — he rests his chin on your shoulder.

“God, you’re such a touch-starved freak, it’s actually appalling.”

“You probably won’t look this good in your life ever again.” You roll your eyes at the stupid comment, and he starts tapping the screen along with you, and he even has the nerve to snicker. “I needed to be opportunistic.”

“Whatever, man.”

The weird battle results in a lot of random apps opening and closing, until eventually the gallery comes up on accident. With a feeling of triumph, you slap his hand away, so he won’t get in your way anymore. There you see the long string of pictures depicting Ness’s progression towards hiding under the bench, which, in your opinion, would make a great slideshow. Next are the images featuring you, where you’re looking up at him and struggling to even graze the phone, swiping your fists at thin air. Wow, you never thought you’d see your Great and Almighty Self from such a… pitiful perspective.

Before you can mope about how vertically challenged you are, however, something else catches your eye, and you burst out laughing, borderline dry-heaving from the acuteness of it. “What-”

Kaiser flusters and snatches his phone out of your fingers before pushing you up and away from him. This, for better or for worse, doesn’t wipe your memory or make you unsee the comically large amount of shirtless mirror selfies he has accumulated.

Despite your stumbling, you don’t fall. “How did you always manage to make the exact same pose and exact same expression in every single one of them?! Seriously. That’s spine-chilling.” You pretend to wipe a tear, even if it’s not that funny.

Kaiser doesn’t respond and turns around to toss his phone back to wherever he got it from. Ness — whose presence you kind of forgot about — deems it safe enough to stand up and reemerge. He asks, “What? What did you see?”

“His shrine of himself,” you say. “By the way, I think he’s a stripper.”

“I’m not a stripper,” argues Kaiser as if there was a possibility Ness might believe you.

For the first time, it’s Ness who is pretending Kaiser didn’t say anything. “Did you delete them?”

“No.”

He slumps, disheartened.

You make your way behind him. “Alright, let’s switch back,” you say, rolling up the material of your jersey. Surprisingly Ness accepts the help without any complaints and just accommodates you with a high raise of his hands.

You’re nearing the biggest problem area — his shoulders — when Kaiser deems it fit to intervene. “Ness, bend over. You’re taking too long.”

He does as told and Kaiser, for some godforsaken, idiotic reason, hooks his fingers inside of the collar. But you don’t see that since you’re trying to focus on your part, so instead you just comment on his willingness, “Slutty.”

“S-Shut up- Oh my god, don’t pull like that, what if it tears?!”

“It’s not going to tear.”

This exchange alarms you somewhat, so you shift your gaze to Kaiser, and what greets you is the sight of him tugging on the collar, trying to hoist it over Ness’s head. Your eye twitches. “If you damage mine, I’m gonna make good use of yours. Naturally what I mean by this is that I’ll use it as toilet paper.”

“It’s not going to tear,” repeats Kaiser, yanking harder. Apparently your collective lack of faith in him is vexing him.

… You hear a rip.

___

Happy valentine's day (I wrote this yesterday i was with my boyfriend today lol. He's american so he thinks valentine's day is a real holiday)

[burirammin]

Watched sepang 2011 moto2 fp1 followed by qualification and now I am absolutely devastated. screaming crying throwing up etc. etc. (the following write-up aka. me ever so slightly losing my mind over how Marc Marquez's 2011 season ends)

That weekend was so cursed it's unbelievable. Not even two minutes into the fp1 session the camera cut to the turn 10 gravel trap and then there was two riders occupying the place. The first one was Jules Cluzel, who was thankfully already up and was not hurt. Marc was the second one and oh boy, was he NOT fine. He laid there on his back for what felt like minutes, camera focusing on him almost THE WHOLE TIME. I. am. sick. to my stomach!!!

Not a moment later another bike (or two actually, but one of them was off camera) came crashing in, Marc was still on the ground, just out of the hit range. It was Yonny Hernandez (who looks to be fine. he raced the next day but was black-flagged) and Bradley Smith, who ended up with a broken collarbone + bruised ribs and was forced to be out of the race altogether. His injuries were caused by him getting thrown directly into Marc's bike. How unlucky was that??? The cause of all these crashes? A WET. FUCKING. PATCH. I reeallly meant it when I say that weekend was fucking cursed (and on sunday. we all know what happened on sunday...)

I was already regretting my choice to watch it at this point but just like watching a trainwreck, I couldn't stop.

And then I saw the team's reaction (full on regret. hits like a brick)

The icing on the cake? the whole session did not have any commentary. Just pure ambient noises, bike engines, staff radios, people rushing around the track. The whole scene was so eerie, I could not imagine watching this live.

The way they were running out from the pit, almost entirely abandoning it to (presumably) check on Marc at the medical center? gut punched.

The famous shot of Marc after medical check-up. Already a pro at slutty suffering at the tender age of eighteen. (I was about to throw up, so thank you I guess? how he was just out there, looking beautiful in this state was beyond my comprehension)

Marc missed all the sessions following fp1 (3 in total) but he did joined in for qualification session the next day. There was commentating for this and they mentioned that he was still a little dizzy this morning, his neck and left shoulder was not doing great either. Of course Marc being Marc he still wants to at least try to qualify and maybe, race. For context, he was just 3 points off the lead and not participating in this race means he will lose the championship, which in the end, he did.

It didn't last long. Marc was back in the box after just one qualifying lap.

Back in the box, Santi and Emilio was immediately all over him. The commentators DID pick up that there was something seriously wrong as normally only Santi (crew chief) would be present to talk about technical stuff that needs to be done and such, and not Emilio (manager). They discussed, things did not look good. With the gift of hindsight we can see that Marc was clearly informing them about his eye problem (which we know was diplopia later on) not to mention his other injuries to neck and left shoulder that was probably bothering him.

He has to leave the box shortly after. The commentators said they were hoping that he will be feeling better in the morning of race day, and also that Marc losing the championship was “inconceivable” before the fp1 crash*. There’s no such luck, unfortunately.

*mind you, he already have another big (very reckless and very much his own fault) crash from prior week with Ratthapark Wilairot in phillip island resulting in his blackeye but that was not enough to hindered his performance.

Marc watching the sunday race from the sidelines, no longer able to participate in this and following race.

And just to add even more (like anyone needed it, jesus christ) to the cursed factor of this weekend, Axel Pons suffered a massive crash during the race, resulting in a red flag. He also, was not fit for the next race.

God. That's it. That's the end of his 2011 season. From a crash that was in no way, shape or form, his fault. The circuit was later fined for not displaying yellow flag to warn riders of a wet patch on the track.

He could've won. HE COULD HAVE WON. HE COULD HAVE BEEN A MOTO2 WORLD CHAMPION IN HIS ROOKIE YEAR!!!!! I must repeat that at the time he was 3 POINTS AWAY FROM THE LEAD and has more or less been DOMINATING the whole season. He was on the podium for every races that he has finished and was on a streak. I am convinced he could have easily done it if not for the unfortunate accident.

But all he got out of it was second place in the championship (which we all know he won't accept in his mind. at least back then) and a diplopia problem that would still haunts him more than ten years later...

[mirkoluvs]

★ MHA CHARACTERS WHEN YOU WON’T TELL THEM WHAT’S WRONG

characters: midoriya, bakugo, todoroki

genre: fluff, kinda comfort !!

izuku midoriya

- i love him so much but he would be unbelievably awkward 💀

- you told him you were fine, but it was clear you were the complete opposite of that

- when he tried asking you the first time, you just brushed it off and brought up something else, practically forcing a topic change

- but by the time classes were over and everyone was back in the dorms, you still looked just as miserable as you did before

- he couldn’t just let you suffer alone, so he mustered up all of his courage and went over to talk to you

“uhm… y/n, can i talk to you?”, midoriya asked, getting your attention. “sure, what’s wrong?”, you asked, following him as he walked to a more private part of the common room. “i don’t mean to be nosy, but are you sure you’re alright? i know you said you were fine earlier, but you don’t really look like it… WAIT, THAT CAME OUT WRONG. i mean, you look great as always! wait, no. i mean, yes! okay, what i’m trying to ask is-“, “izuku, i get what you’re trying to say, relax”, you interrupted him from his rant, causing him to let out a slight chuckle of embarrassment. “okay, i may have lied a little bit. i just got in a bit of trouble with mr. aizawa for not doing my homework on time and it ruined my mood, i promise it’s nothing serious”, you said, reassuring him. as if he had been holding it in all day, he let out a huge sigh of relief, leaning against the wall. “well that’s reassuring. i was thinking it was something really serious… not that what mr. aizawa said isn’t important! if you want, i could help you with your homework after school, kind of like a tutor!”, he suggested, perking up at the idea. you as well liked the sound of that, thinking of the things that could come out of it. “that actually sounds like a really good idea! thanks, izuku. for checking up on me and offering to tutor me”, you smiled at the boy. his face going from normal to a bright shade of red in mere moments, he hastily nodded his head. “no problem!”.

katsuki bakugo

- we all know bakugo’s a perspective person, so he notices when your mood is off

- “oi, what’s wrong with you, moron?”

- instead of making a snarky comment like you always do, you just muttered a “nothing” and pushed by him, walking out of the classroom

- he knew you were lying and it pissed him off, but he didn’t bother since you were already gone

- now, you two usually walk together after school and you still did walk with him, it was just unbearably quiet.

- usually you would find anything to talk about the whole entire walk home, but this time you didn’t even make a peep.

- this REALLY pissed him off, but he didn’t just brush it off this time

grabbing your wrist, bakugo dragged you behind a building, pinning you against a wall, his arms trapping you in, hands laid against the wall right next to your head. “what the hell-?”, “alright, cut the shit. what’s wrong? you’re acting weird and it’s annoying as hell”, he said in an irritated tone. “i already said it’s nothing”, you repeated from earlier. clicking his tongue, he rolled his eyes, clearly seeing through you. “do you think i’m dumb or some shit? i can tell you’re lying. you aren’t leaving until you spit it out”, he told you. it really didn’t look like he was going to budge anytime soon, so you sighed, giving in. “okay, okay! fine. i’m just upset because i got a really bad score during training today and it just put me off because i worked so hard and i still did bad”, you confessed, looking down in embarrassment. the silence was loud until you saw him put his arms down, letting out a sigh. “that’s it? you’re dramatic as hell”, he said, his attitude-filled tone coming back. “wow, thanks”, you replied sarcastically, rolling your eyes. “if you needed help with training, you could’ve just asked. throwing a pity party isn’t gonna fix shit, so actually communicate with me so we can figure it out together”, he finished, his tone softening. it was rare to ever receive actual advice or even help from bakugo, even if he was a little harsh with it. you couldn’t help but snicker at his attitude change, causing him to whip his head around. “WHAT THE HELL IS SO FUNNY?!”, he shouted at you as you continued to burst out in laughter. “i-im sorry! it’s just i’ve never seen you be so nice before, it’s so out of character for you and it’s funny!”, you laughed, trying to catch your breath. “tch, whatever, idiot! you better take my offer or else you aren’t getting any help from me” he told you with annoyance in his tone. “i will, trust me! thank you, katsuki”, you smiled.

shoto todoroki

- this poor man 😭

- he doesn’t really realize realize that you’re hiding something from him, he literally just thinks you hate him

- usually he would be greeted in the mornings by you running up to his desk and talking to him about any life updates, but that didn’t happen today

- instead, you walked right to your seat and didn’t say a word all period and it stayed like that the whole day

- when he tried to talk to you and asked if you were okay, you just responded in small hums, making it seem as if you were uninterested

- after a while, he just flat out asked you

“y/n, do you hate me?”, todoroki asked, causing you to practically choke on the juice you were drinking. “what?! no, why would i hate you?”, you asked, clearing your throat. “well, you haven’t spoken to me all day, so i assumed that was the case. if it is, i will leave you alone if that’s what you would like”, he said, preparing his stuff to move to a different table. “no, wait! shoto, im not mad at you at all, it’s just been a rough day, that’s all”, you reassured him, pulling him back down into the seat by his shirt. “oh”, he stated dumbfounded, sitting back down. he felt like a complete idiot by not noticing that something may be wrong. it was hard for him to figure out other people’s feelings as he had that problem himself. “well, what’s wrong then?”, he asked you, showing full attentiveness. you sighed before continuing to explain how you got in trouble with your parents for “being too careless” when it came to doing hero work and how it put you in a bad mood for the rest of the day. he nodded, taking everything you said into account before coming up with something to say. “well, i think you are amazing when it comes to hero work, you just act quickly, which may be a bit risky sometimes, but heros have to take risk to save people, right?”, he said, trying his best to help you out. you cracked a small smile for the first time all day, appreciating how hard he was trying to make you feel better. “yeah, you’re right. thanks, sho! and sorry about earlier, i shouldn’t have ignored you like that”, you apologized, feeling guilty about how you made him think you hated him. “it’s alright. i was a bit worried, but now that you told me what was actually going on, i feel a lot better. just know you can always tell me when somethings wrong, i’ll listen”.

© mirkoluvs. please do not copy, modify, or repost on other platforms. thank you !!

[lurkingshan]

Every time I see a Wedding Impossible GIFs on my dash I keep thinking that when it's over I'd love to read your take on what went wrong with this show. In a form of a very spiteful rant preferably.

(the show probably doesn't deserve too much of your time but I am just very VERY curious and had to share)

WELL! I was considering just letting this show go quietly into the night, but I will take this excuse to do a good rant instead.

*cracks knuckles*

You asked what went wrong with this show, but truly, nothing went right with it. From top to bottom, it's an utter waste of a good premise and a total destruction of the rare opportunity to get some positive queer rep into a het kdrama for a broader audience than will ever be reached by a ql. Let me list the most glaring problems:

They made Do Han a supporting character in his own narrative. Do Han, his sexuality, his desire and need to hide who he is to protect himself, and his desperate plan to avoid a life he doesn't want is the core of the story. Despite that, the story treats him like a minor supporting character with limited screen time and virtually no interiority or character development that made any sense.

The relationships were poorly written and the bonds were not believable. Ah Jeong was meant to be Do Han's ride or die bestie, but nothing in their scenes together or her behavior towards him suggested this was actually true. They seemed more like acquaintances who were friendly enough but had no real loyalty to each other, or even like she was a random actress he hired to play his wife. And Ji Han and Do Han had no brotherly bond or affection to speak of; their relationship consisted entirely of Ji Han throwing tantrums and demanding things for no reason other than he wants them, and Do Han trying to avoid being forced into them.

The leads were terrible people and the show did not realize that. Do Han's brother and best friend entered into a romance while she was engaged to Do Han. Ji Han thought it was a real relationship and did not seem to feel any guilt about pursuing his brother's lover. Ah Jeong was under a contract she agreed to as both his best friend and as a job to protect him and did not seem to care that she was breaking her commitment and threatening his safety. They gallivanted around flaunting their relationship in public with no regard for Do Han or his reputation whatsoever. And the show tried to convince me that Do Han was the selfish one in this scenario for the great sin of being gay and not just fucking off and getting out of the way of their relationship. Ji Han and Ah Jeong were never held accountable for what they did to him; instead we got to watch many scenes of Do Han being shamed and berated. Anyone who contributed to the writing and depiction of this can get fucked.

Every element of the story was poorly written and the resolutions were either unearned or so badly set up that they fell flat anyway. Do Han was being harassed and stalked and the story only barely cared about this. The family drama was boring and the grandpa character was a mess of contradictions who changed on a dime depending on the demands of the plot. There was no chemistry to speak of between the leads. The romance was utterly unbelievable and developed so poorly that it was impossible to care about whether these two assholes got together. The show used romcom tropes randomly to fill time even if they didn't fit. The final episode was stuffed with cameos by actors with personal connections to the cast and crew in the hopes it would distract us from what an unsatisfying conclusion it was, and the whole thing ended on a bizarre wedding gag that didn't work at all. The only good part was Do Han coming out on his own terms and leaving to go live his own life in New York, but the way they framed that was so gross I couldn't even enjoy it.

Most importantly, the messages of this show were deeply, unforgivably homophobic. This story went out of its way to tell us over and over again that Do Han is a selfish coward for being closeted, that his sexuality is a burden for his loved ones, that his family and friends are the real victims for having to deal with him, and that he was the one in the wrong for trying to protect himself. At no point was he allowed to get truly angry at the way his family and friends were treating him; he remained benevolent and shouldered the guilt and blame for everything, despite doing absolutely nothing except try to live an authentic life. At every turn the show depicted his siblings and grandfather and friend being hateful and/or careless with him, but then told us it was Do Han's fault for being who he is. They wanted us to blame the gay character and sympathize with a brother who resented him for not being the straight business leader he wanted him to be, and a friend who betrayed him without a second thought. The show argued passionately that the lies Do Han told to protect himself were the real problem, not the homophobia and hatred and rejection he faced every day of his life. It was an abysmal and offensive message and exactly the opposite of what a responsible piece of media would be trying to communicate.

I don't know if the people who made this show are actively malicious or just deeply incompetent, but they had no business telling a story involving a queer character if they were going to do it like this.

[ayayiiie]

Make me love you

Song playing: Taeyeon - Make me love you.

Pairing: fuck boy! Heeseung x good girl! Reader. (Feat Enha)

TW: cursing, mentions of sex, drugs, smoking, throwing up. (Y'all is Heeseung very a bad boy in this one? :3)

Genre: hints of angst, fluff

Words: ~ 13k

Trope:

Lee Heeseung wants you real bad. So what? He needs to prove how much he's worthy.

- « Don't you want to claim me as yours baby girl? »

- « You will only bring me problems Lee. »

- « You don't know til you try. Look at me, ready to give my entire self to you. »

« Then.. Take me far away. »

하나.

« Shadows come from the light in the darkness 

In times that are even lonelier »

He was foully beautiful, has a disgustingly pretty smile and a diabolically angel face. He was as hot as Sukuna Ryomen, smart like Chrollo Lucifer, toned like Eren Yeager and flirty (and annoying) as Usui Takumi.

Every one of his steps scream power and dominance, people in town were obliged to recognize his god-like features.

Lee Heeseung was a piece of wonder. He was the personification of the Great Chinese Wall. Well, for others it means he was one of the seven wonders, his friends being the others six. For you he was illigible, like a void devoid of colors, feelings, words. Looking at him was like walking on the Great Chinese Wall. Infinite stairs, a never ending pathway, long exhausting adventure where you can get lost easily.

You never knew how to understand Lee Heeseung.

And people were here, yelling at you for not being liquified by his unbelievable visuals.

You were not attracted to Lee Heeseung.

And people were here once again, crying about you not having a good eyesight because who in the world would tell a big NO NO to THE Lee Heeseung ?

Despite his apparence, one thing you knew for sure was that he was the synonym of troubles. And that compensated his visuals. Lee Heeseung was a big red flag.

Vandalizing walls, driving fast past three in the morning, drinking heavily almost every night, skipping class (even though he always passed his exams with flying colors which confused you), smoking, sniffing drugs you never heard the name before, fucking some random women of every age everywhere.

Yeah, for you he was the worst of the worst, and you sure would not (in this peaceful life of yours) like to have an affair or everything as minuscule as it is with him.

You knew that Lee Heeseung had no interests in you either and it was perfectly perfect for you.

둘.

« The hand that was carefully held out

I couldn’t hold it, I’ve only hesitated but »

« Hey, did you heard that? Lee Heeseung has won the cars’ racing yesterday!

- Listen Young-Hee, you do know I don't give a freak about him right? This man screams problems.

- But don't deny he's attractive! Plus Seo-Hyun had a one night stand with him last week, are you realizing? THE Park Seo-Hyun?

- Please why do you look so interested about that? What is incredible about this?

- Oh please Y/N, we ALL know that Seo-Hyun has a purity ring given by her dad! She promised chastety and here she was, fucking with Lee Heeseung!

- And so? It's something between her, her father and Heeseung, what do I have to do about that?

- YOU COULD BE NEXT IN LINE! »

The strawberry milk you were drinking went out of your mouth to someone's shirt. Eyes widening in both shock and embarrassment, you quickly excuse yourself, not even looking up to cross eyes with them and lend them a tissue while repeatedly apologizing.

« I'm sorry I'm sorry, I didn't attend to do that! »

The bell ringing was a lucky sign for you to sprint directly to your class. As you both pant from the little course, you suddenly hear a loud chuckle from Young-Hee.

« Girl that's what I call being "purged"! she said in between laughs.

- Shut up that was embarassing! And it's your fault! You did it on purpose right?!

- I will keep doing it to see those faces you make! She laughs loudly, people staring.

- Hee! » you yell, trying to grab her arm. But she was faster and quickly went to her seat.

Let's say you couldn't focus on the entire class. Your mind was busy spacing out and thinking about the conversation earlier. Of course you knew that Park Seo-Hyun was the famous virgin of the campus, because everyone knew that. And the fact she wore proudly her ring was her way of showing her engagement !

« You could be next in line! »

This sentence keeps repeating in your head like a malicious mentra and you can't help but to imagine Lee Heeseung devouring you with his eyes. As much as you hated to admit it, he was indeed handsome. But that was a facade to you. Because deep inside, you kept telling yourself that he was someone bad, manipulative and who had no interest in women's feelings. That's what you hate the most. Your dad always made sure to show his love to your mom, so it sure was a big shock when you learn that some men were beating and mistreating their girlfriends or wives. The perfect image of love just crumbled down and you couldn't help but to be on your guard ever since. Especially with people like Lee Heeseung. People categorized you as the « girl talking to only girls » because you always talk with girls only. Not that you despise men, you just don't feel like talking to them and you were perfectly fine with it. Even if some dare to approach you, you woulk kindly answer them and then dash as fast as possible, avoiding the interaction like plague.

Indeed, you did not hate men, you just never knew how to talk to them.

Beside your big brother of two years older your dad and to any men in your small family, talking to the opposite genre was a real challenge for you. Sweaty hands, swifty gazes, mumbling and rosy cheeks. You hated making a fool of yourself and indirectly, men were making you this way. You discovered later that you had heterosocial anxiety. « Good » you told yourself ironically while rolling your eyes, this means talking to men was making you nervous.

But like all stories, there was an exception, a boy in who you could talk to without stuttering and being insecure about your side profile, about the way you would smile, all the mimicks you had. He was your childhood neighbour, Kim Sunoo.

Maybe because he looked less scary and more welcoming, or the way he would smile and his eyes would form two little crescents. Maybe because he seemed more boyish ? Kim Sunoo was the only boy you could talk without being feared of being judged. For you, he will always be the little boy who shared strawberries his grandma prepared for after-school snack. He will always be your super adventures’ companion in your garden.

So it sure was painful when Kim Sunoo transferred from public school to private. Being children, you did not keep in touch and never saw each other ever since. But Sunoo gifted you with a braided bracelet. It was synonym of you guys’ friendship as he too, had one. His mother would show you pics of him, he would send her some after he finished his class, in secondary school. His peace sign beside his wink and little smile would bring a grin to your face too, somewhat relieved he was doing so well.

As you were thinking deeply of your childhood friend, a hand came crashing on your face.

« Young-Hee! I swear you're a dead woman!

- Listen, it's lunch and I'm hungry, stop thinking about Lee Heeseung and let's go to the cafet! she crosses her arms with a devilish smirk plastered on her face.

- I wasn't even thinking about him, cut the drama. »

The walk to the cafeteria was filled with laughters and a warm mood. Tray in hands, you were searching for a place to sit. It seems like today was filled with students as the only places you found were in the middle of two groups, hastily chatting. Not even two minutes after Young-Hee and you started eating, a breaking sound was heard on the other side of the cafet.

« LEE HEESEUNG YOU FUCKING SON OF A BITCH ! » was heard by a female voice.

There, was standing Park Seo-Hyun, infront of a sitting Lee Heeseung. It looked like she threw her glass at him within her tray of food. You see how unbothered he looked, even with food and water all over his clothes. Seo-Hyun scoffed at his lack of reaction and quickly walk out of the cafet, her two best friends following her. Shrugging, you turn back and start eating like nothing happened.

« Oh my god, what do you think did just happen?

- Well, this is what happens when you go inside Lee Heeseung’s circle. That’s why I don’t want anything with him, you said, unimpressed while digging in your tomatoes (I’m sorry for those who don’t like them 😭)

- But don’t you want to know? I loooove gossips hehe…

- If you want to investigate it’s without me you already know that, you say, unbothered.

- But please, she said, a tiny pout on her lips and giving her best doe eyes.

- I really hate you, you know? You sighed while shaking your head.

- Yey! I love you bestie! » She smiles happily then proceeds to swallow everything she had in her mouth.

For you, it was none other than some childish things, without harm. At least, that’s what you expected.

셋.

« My heart already trembles, I keep

getting scared

On this night when you secretly held out

your hand »

After disposing your tray in the conveyor belt, Young-Hee excitedly locked your cubital fossa together and has speed towards the almost empty hallways.

« Where are we going? You tell just loud enough for her to listen.

- In front of their class, Heeseung and Seo-Hyun are classmates, didn’t you know? She said making sure to be discreet and to look everywhere.

- I’m not such a big gossip girl like you Hee, you know that, you watched her getting agitated.

- It’s not some gossip, it’s general knowledge Y/N!

- As if, you couldn’t help but to roll your eyes.

- Let’s hide here! » Young-Hee said as she sweeps you both behind a big pillar glued to the classroom’s wall.

Peeking through the marble, you quietly observe your surroundings. Seo-Hyun was in the classroom with her friends, talking angrily about something you couldn’t hear.

« This situation kinda stress me Hee, you said playing with your bracelet. The tropes were so lose they could ripped anytime. It was a habit of you to fidget with it when you were nervous.

- Shh, I’m trying to decipher what they’re saying », she shushed you, looking attentively at the girls.

You couldn’t help but to roll your eyes a second time. Young-Hee was really persistent when she wanted to be but you couldn’t blame her, she lifted up your moral numerous times with this personality of hers.

« I fucking hate his guts! He promised me so many things but at the end what?! I gave my fucking virginity to an asshole like him?! Screams Seo-Hyun.

- He doesn’t deserve you Seo, trust us, said one of her friends.

- But Chae I gave him my v card, my dad’s gonna kill me if he learn that.

- You can just wear the ring again, he wouldn’t know.

- The whole school knows it! No way he will not be aware!

- Seo, calm down first. Instructed Chae-Won.

- I can’t-

- Y/N! Hide quick! » whispered-yelled Young-Hee.

Panicked, you rapidly hide behind the pillar, pressing your body as far as you could.

« What’s happening? » You whisper to your friend, completely lost.

Hee only gave you her big eyes as a response and gestured you that someone was coming. You didn’t think two times about it and just nodded.

« What are you gonna do Hee? She’s super mad at you and look at you, you’re covered in tomatoes’ sauce. You both hear a man voice talking.

- Huh? She took my hoodie when we did it last week, I just want to take it back, and I need to change clothes too. You could recognize Heeseung’s voice at the same time steps were coming your way.

- You’re unbelievable man! Exclaimed the other guy with him, chuckling in disbelief.

- I know, Heeseung only replied. You could practically hear and imagine his smirk as they open the door.

- What do you want bastard?! Screams Seo-Hyun.

- Wow, I didn’t came to be assaulted. I just want to take my hoodie back, I left it at yours last week.

- Already threw it in the trash can. She spat bitterly.

- Ouch, » murmured Young-Hee.

You looked at Young-Hee but didn’t expect her to make a silly face so you accidentally snort without realizing you both could be in big troubles if they happen to know you were here.

« Hey, did you heard that? Said the friend accompanying Heeseung.

- Hear what Jake? Questioned Heeseung.

- I heard some muffles over there, let me check. »

Panic immediately took possession of your body as you hurriedly run and turn in the near corridor.

« Hey! Wait! » You hear from the other side as you run endlessly trying to turn in the maximum corridors possible to left him.

Finally arriving at the back of your school, you both pant loudly, trying to catch your breath.

« That was freaking close! For once Mr Hwang’s running class weren’t useless! Pant Young-Hee between each inspirations taking.

- Listen carefully Hee, you stand fully up as your hands were resting on your knees to catch your breath, last time. I swear, last time forever.

- But they didn’t catch us, I’m sure he didn’t even see our faces! » She exclaimed feigning innocence.

You frown. If Jake was running behind you, he must have seen two figures at least. Plus, girls. You subconsciously touch your wrist to feel your bracelet when nothing brush your fingertips. Imagining the worst, you look down only to see it gone.

« Shit shit shit, don't tell me it fell off while we were running? You mumbled.

- What happened? asks Young-Hee, concerned.

- My bracelet fell off when we ran Hee, I need to search for it, it's a gift!

- Wow, it's okay, let's go back and see if it's there. »

You then walk the opposite way, following exactly each corridor you took. You were stressing, losing the only memory of your friend was the last thing you wanted to face right now. And as you kept approaching the classroom, your fear only increased.

« It's nowhere to be found Y/N... said your companion, empathic.

- Maybe it just fell right next to the pillar? I will take a look, you finally sighed, feeling hopeless.

- Okay, I'll search in this area over there, » she pointed the opposite direction with her finger.

As you were searching, you failed to notice a stare on you, silently watching every move you made.

You finally concluded after fifteen minutes that it was lost and you couldn't do anything about it. To feel guilty and sad were an understatement to what you were feeling right now. This bracelet was your anti-stress and now it was gone.

넷.

« Make me kiss you

 Ma-make me kiss you »

The end of the day came up rather quickly and you were now packing your things in your backpack. Young-Hee bided you goodbye earlier because she has tennis sessions so today you had to walk back home alone. It was actually great for you as you long for loneliness and peace sometimes. It eases your mind, not that being with Young-Hee create headaches but she was a little bit too loud sometimes.

As you exit the hallway of your university, someone secretly hold their phone up and snap a picture of you walking away. Shuffling it back in their pocket, they act like nothing happened and watch your back disappears.

« So you’re like that huh?! Taking pic of someone without their consent?! » Screams a girl.

You abruptly turn around to see the scrap. There you see again Seo-Hyun and Heeseung. Looks like she was yelling at him for something he did.

« Does it concern you? Just because we fucked doesn’t mean we’re dating idiot, » he spoke calmly, his chin lightly raised alongside a brow.

Reminding you of your « mission » with Young-Hee, you can’t help but to approach the scene quietly, making sure you’re discreet. As you hide behind a spot you continue to listen.

« Then you shouldn’t have promised me so many things that night! Was it nothing to you?! She angrily tells.

- And what are these things? Because I don’t remember any actually, he answers casually. He was used to it.

- You told me you will make me feel special, that I’m not like the others and that I’ll be the only one! At this point she was just stomping her foot on the ground brutally.

- Oh. Yeah it was in the heat of the moment. Never actually think this way. Plus I was drunk so I didn’t really paid attention to what I was saying, » he said once again as if it really didn’t bother him to see her on the verge of beating him up.

*clap*

Your eyes widened at the loud clap your heard and you were sure it came from her hand entering in collision with his cheek. « Must have hurt » you told yourself in your head.

« Fucking asshole, I’m gonna denounce you for what you’ve done and also for taking a pic of Y/N in secret! » she lastly said before storming away.

You slowly realized what she said and confusion took all over your mind.

« Wait, what? He took a secret pic of me? » You wondered in your mind.

- Stop hiding. I know you’re here, you hear a masculine voice calling, broking your self-thought bubble.

- Oh shit, you mumbled, it was over now, you were discovered, umh, hi haha, I was just about to go haha, you said, the uneasy feeling slowly climbing in your whole body as you step out of your hiding spot, walking awkwardly like a robot with a grimace.

- Really? You do know it’s not really polite to listen to others in secret yeah? »

Lee Heeseung grabs onto your shoulder, the scene particularly comic as he turns your around.

As you face him, your eyes immediately locked together and you can’t help but to feel intimidated by his gaze. It was teasing, almost mocking and shockingly traversing your entire core. You feel naked under him and once again you remind yourself why you hated talking to men this much. Instead of his uniform’s shirt he was wearing a plain oversized t-shirt of color white, he probably changed clothes after receiving the food on himself at the cafet. His black hair were swaying by the wind, softly falling on his mischievous eyes. God he was perfect.

« So? Kitten got your tongue angel? He tilted his head, waiting for an answer.

- Don’t… call me that, it sounds naughty coming from your mouth, you said looking finally down, not supporting his gaze.

- Oh really? That’s what y’all say, he chuckled slowly moving forward, but y’all love it in bed.

- And you talk about me listening to conversations in secret but you are not so good yourself, taking pic like a creep of someone without their consent, » you spat, your tone harsher than you intended too and your eyes piercing his when you lift your head. As much as you wanted to deny it, your cheeks were already red and your heartbeat as quick as the speed of light.

In response, he smirks, clearly pleased by what he’s seeing and hearing in front of him. You tried not to take in details his black hair perfectly styled as well as his perfect face and soft creamy skin. You then notice how bad Seo-Hyun had slapped him as a red mark was clearly visible on his left cheek.

« I don’t really like brats but with you I think I can make some efforts, he shrugged and came even more close, I don’t want to be harsh with you baby it would break my heart, he whispered, his hand coming up to brush against your chin.

- Who said you could touch me? Delete this pic as soon as possible and leave me alone, you’re carrying troubles, you sweep his hand away and step back.

- And what if I don’t? What are you gonna do? His cocky grin never leaving his face.

- I… I will report it to the police! You stumble over your words, quickly regretting the way you look so weak in front of him.

- Will you? When you know that my dad is a powerful CEO? In fact, the most powerful of the country? » He retorts, a feeling of satisfaction filling him up when your eyes widen up.

You sigh then frown at him and quickly dash away, not wanting to talk further. It was infuriating you that he was always winning. You hated him so much.

« We can find a way if you’re willing to be mine! 

- Never!! » you shout loud enough for him to hear you, only to hear a laugh as a response.

- How would you react if I tell you that you’re the reason I bring troubles Y/N? » Heeseung finally sighed watching your silhouette ventures between the buildings.

You let out a scream after making sure nobody was around you.

« This freaking Lee Heeseung!! You and your bad mouth will go down in hell I swear! You angrily said as you stomp your feet.

- Pff. »

You turn around as soon as you heard something. Scanning your surroundings you search the source of the noise.

« Is someone there? You ask, unsure and on your defensive.

- Not at all, act like I’m not here, answered a voice.

- Are they dumb or dumb? I just yelled my frustration and you’re telling me to continue embarrassing myself? You thought, low key judging them. Where are you? Show yourself. » (Frozen enwnkzjwnz)

After a few minutes, a boy finally step out and came infront of you. He was wearing a white t-shirt and by the look of the small pink stain on it you immediately remembered what happened this morning.

« Oh, you said taken aback.

- Like you said « Oh », he laughed, thank you for customizing my t-shirt, I didn’t know it was a tradition in your uni, he looked down at it, a small smile on his face.

- Huh… sorry… you didn’t had any clothes to change? You nervously ask.

- Oh no, I’m new here and I needed to get my dorm’s keys after school so nope.

- I’m sorry you had to walk like this the entire day. Uhm… » you said, hesitant.

In fact you were hesitating, one part of you wanted to go home, feeling the urge to burry yourself alive because a male was talking to you but yet another part was feeling too guilty to just go and you feel like you had to forgive for what you’ve done.

« Yes? He looked at you, a soft smile appearing on his face.

- Do you want to go to the cafe shop with me? We can go and drink some chocolate milk? I want to apologize properly.

- Uh, it will be coffee milk for me, he laughed, but yeah sure, » he smiles.

You couldn’t help the dumbfounded expression on your face as you heard his answer. « Mr is picky I see. » you thought to yourself. Well, you thought you said it in your head but his laugh caught you off guard, WAIT DID YOU JUST ASKED A BOY OUT ?

« I heard you, and I personally do not think that I’m picky, I just have my preferences, » he says proudly, mischievous eyes looking straight right through yours.

You just shake your head, already embarrassed about the fact he heard your thoughts.

As you both make your way to the cafe shop, you learn that his name is Sunghoon Park. He was currently an ice skater and was preparing for his national competition. As a big fan of Yuzuru Hanyu, you couldn’t help but to feel interested in his career’s story.

« So you learned ice skating when you were 10? That’s quite amazing. Do you have any friends? You ask without really knowing how you could talk to him this easily.

- Mh.. only one, her name is Eunseo, she is the only girl who dared to come to me when we were young, he shrugged looking unbothered.

- Oh, were you the only boy? You keep asking, trying to match his walking pace, your voice weakening as you saw the unbothered look on his face, were you boring? Did you forced him to go with you? And what if he didn’t wanted to?

- In my club yes, it was kinda lonely back then before I met Junhwan, he notices that you were having a hard time keeping up with him so he slowed down, quickly scanning your smaller figure with a glance.

- I see I see, you nod rapidly, your eyes that were on him now looking in front of you, throat suddenly dry as the conversation touched its end.

- And you? What’re you doing on a daily basis? He raised an eyebrow towards you.

- Me? Haha nothing as interesting as you, I’m a simple girl, you try to brush the subject away, surprised that he kept the conversation on going.

- Really? Aren’t you working at an animals center? He opens the door for you as you were now arrived.

- How… how do you know that? You enter, waving a hand to thank him.

- A friend of a friend, » he grins once more, passing before you towards the counter.

« What in the world..? » you thought again, gradually joining him as your mind overflowed with thoughts, finding him kinda creepy.

While you guys took commands, you quickly paid for both drinks before he could do anything, muttering a shy « it’s on me ». Unfortunately for you, you missed the way his eyes shone as his heart skipped a beat. You then found a table in a corner, near a window offering you the view of a busy crowd. The more you were thinking of the situation you were right now, the more you’re nervous. Endless fears and thoughts invading your head as you look around in an alarmed state, your knees automatically shaking under the table.

« You seem to have a lot of thoughts in your head. Every time you’re quiet, I’m quite sure you’re thinking of something, he softly puts his chin on his palm as his elbow is resting on the table, his attention entirely on you, making things even harder for you to support the awkward atmosphere you were feeling alone.

- Yes, I actually think a lot haha, not you? Your gaze darting away from his stare.

- Depends, he responds, eyes not blinking and continuing to stare right into your orbits.

- Number 38! You perked, reacting to your command’s number.

- Will be right back, » you stand up and walk rather awkwardly feeling his intense gaze on your back.

You went to grab your drink and thanked the woman. On your way back, you notice a frown adorning Sunghoon's soft features as he was staring at his phone. Not wanting to bother him, you sat down quietly, sipping on the sweetness awaited, immediately calming your stress. He quickly put his phone back into his pocket before looking at you, eyes softening upon seeing your content eyes. You were zoning out, so did not notice his eyes staring at you.

« It's unfair really, he managed to mumbled, a grin evident on his face as he finally looks away.

- What is unfair? You barely heard what he said but did anyways.

- It's unfair to look this cute actually, he whispers, still looking around the cafe shop.

- W-what did you say? I didn’t hear you, you purse your lips, blinking in confusion. To be honest you did heard him, you just wanted to be sure and not be delusional.

- Nothing, a simple note to myself, » he shrugs and then stand up when his order is being called.

You couldn't help but wonder to what he said earlier, what does he mean by "unfair"? Anyways, you checked the time on your phone to see that it was late (or that you wanted to escape from this situation?), and that you needed to revise for a test coming soon. Sunghoon was just arriving when you stand up. He gave you a confused look and you quickly told him the reason of your departure.

« Already leaving? We have just arrived? He asks, incredulous, standing still with his drink in hand. (Sunghoon be like : 🧍‍♂️)

- I know and I'm sorry for that! I'll see you around! You say, in a sort of a rush.

- Wait lemme at least walk you, he tries to slow you down, but you were faster and have already left the cafe shop. Aish... This girl... » he tilted his head, disappointed in himself or in you he didn't know, but he for sure wanted to spend a little bit more time with you.

After all, you caught his eyes and with it, his cold heart.

다섯.

« Make me touch you 

Ma-make me touch you »

The following week was packed.

You finally let out a sigh of relief, it was now the week-end, you will have the deserved time to breathe. You were now in your room, on your bed, laying on your chest. You had just finished your night routine and was on the verge of sleeping when you heard something hitting your window. Panicked, you quickly turn off your bedside lamp, telling who-the-hell they're that you're sleeping and above all, that you want to be alone. In fact, you were scared it was a stealer or a serial killer and hurriedly hide yourself under your blanket as if it will protect you from them. Even though you tried to sleep, your eyes tightly shut, the noise wouldn’t stop, it was quite the contrary. Taking your courage in both hands, you quietly stand up and gently push aside your curtains before looking for the culprit of your peacefulness. Being shocked was an understatement as you saw none other than Lee Heeseung standing behind your gates, getting ready to throw yet another rock on your window before you furiously open the latter.

« Lee Heeseung! What are you doing at this hour? I'm trying to sleep! You whisper-yelled, not wanting to wake up your parents.

- Come with me! He offers you a big smile, waving at you.

- Is he crazy or what? You murmured to yourself, not believing his words. What? Why? Are you going to give me some candies and then kidnap me? You say ironically, I don't know you! Go to your home! » You finally pronounce your last words before closing your window.

« I wouldn’t mind kidnapping you though, » he mumbles under his breath as he smiles, heart racing.

Not even two seconds after it was closed, you hear knocking sounds again. Taking a deep breath, you tried to calm yourself, you were not one to be very patient, plus the lack of sleep these days were really working you up. Lee Heeseung or not, you were strangers and he was invading your privacy at this point ! It has to cease before your parents found him out and call the police. As much as you didn’t liked him, it's not like you hated him too and you just wanted to avoid problems. God knows what could happen to you if this story disclose around, his fangirls would grab your hair, make a pretty haircut (note the sarcasm) and throw you in the nearest dump while his father would probably kick you out of the country with your parents. So you decided to slip on an oversized hoodie, stolen from your brother (working overseas), and to step down your stairs in the quietest way possible. You needed to be extra careful because your mother was a light sleeper so even the weenie mistake would wake her up and you would then be in big problems. Reaching the entrance, you open the door without a care about your looks, after all, it completely went out of your head.

« What's your problem? Why are you here? You hiss, now infront of the fuckboy of the campus.

- Woah ~ so sexy, he whistles at the sight of your disheveled hair, oversized hoodie, slippers and your annoying face.

- Just answer the damn question Lee, you switch your weight on one of your leg, the foot opposed stomping against the fresh grass of your garden. Your hands were on your hips as you were glaring at him.

- Just wanted to see you, that's all, he lifted his hands above his shoulders, acting as if he was surrending himself.

- And why so? I don't understand, we are not friends, not even acquaintances even more, we don't speak to each other at all. How did you even got my address?! And most importantly : What do you want from me? Your frown deepening, your arms cross on your chest.

- I'm racing tonight, I need to bring someone with me. I thought of-, he began but you quickly dismiss him.

- Rejected. Did you really think I was going to accept? In your dreams, you scoff, not believing him.

- Come on, it will be fun I promise you, » he extends his hand, as if waiting for you to grab it.

The truth is, you heard from some classmates that racing with Heeseung was amazing. He would have excellent driving skills and it would have been a shame to miss it. Closing the distance between you and him, you raise your hand, almost as if you were going to accept his proposition, only to clap his hand down. His eyes, that were hopeful of you possibly agreeing, lose their light, like a sad puppy not getting his treat.

« I will say it one last time Heeseung, you look straight into his eyes, rejected. » You gritted, emphasizing on your last word.

You then turn around, not letting him the time to reply back, and enter your home. Not even two minutes inside and you're glidding down the door, your hands pressed against your chest, a futile attempt to calm your messy heartbeat. This interaction with this man was in no point good for you and put you in one hell of a state you couldn't even imagine.

Why everything was suddenly happening to you? And most of all, why did it has to be LEE FREAKING HEESEUNG?

That night, you couldn't sleep.

여섯.

« Make me want you 

Ma-make me want you »

The next morning you felt especially groggy. You didn't had much sleep and it was also the first day of your period. « I hate this world » you mumbled to yourself, already feeling the cramps coming. As you peacefully went out of bed to ready yourself, a notification caught your attention.

« #Lee_Heeseungs_new_chick »

Seriously? Was he going to follow you everywhere you were going? Would you believe! Now he’s even invading your notifications… You feel like Lee Heeseung was stuck with you for whatever reason and it pissed you off. For wanting him away it looks like the opposite.

« Are you ready Y/N? Hurry or you will be late, informs your father, peeking through your door, ajar.

- Yes I'm coming right now, is mom already gone? You ask, standing up and taking your uniform hanging on your wardrobe.

- Yup, said she has to go early today, » you hear his faint voice as he was walking down the stairs, his voice resonating in the corridor.

It was unusual for you, your mom never had to go early to work. But you shrugged it off, everything happens for a reason. You quickly do your morning routine then finally went out of your house.

As you arrived at the university, you couldn't help but notice how stares were directed at you for a reason you ignore. Being self-counscious, you found a restroom and checked if you had anything on your face or your clothes, only to notice that everything was perfectly fine. What the hell was happening?

The only way to know was to ask Young-Hee as she always keep herself updated. And you didn't had to search for her for too long as you could pratically hear her yells from the other side of the hallway.

« Y/NNN! Oh my god why didn't you tell me? She grabs your hand and pulls you towards a quieter side of the hallway, where nobody could hear you both.

- About what? You ask, like a lost puppy.

- You and Lee Heeseung are dating !Congrats! She cheerfully says.

- Wait- what?! No way in this freaking world! I do not like him and you know it! You offer her your most disgusted-shocked face, making her laugh.

- But the whole campus is aware! She then take out her phone from her bag's pocket.

- And why am I not aware then? What's happening?

You noticed that everyone were looking at you with weird eyes, you panicked a little, looking repeatedly on both side of you.

- Look! » She shows you her screen.

You couldn't believe what you were seeing right now.

It was a picture of you and Heeseung last night. The picture showed the moment you just taped his hand down to refuse his proposition, but it gives the impression of you two holding hands. Who would take a picture of you and him this late at night? One of his fans? Or maybe he planned this all along? You were confused and soon a striking pain started to pounced in your head. Good, you were having a headache because of all the ruckus. Not to mention the pain of your cramps too, you knew how bad they were particularly during the first few days.

« Are you okay? Worriedly ask Young-Hee, seeing you squinting your eyes in pain.

- Having a headache and period cramps are the worst I swear, you mutter under your breath, taking a big inspiration only to wince when you feel the contractions.

- Today's really not your day ma girl, she shakes her head, going through her bag to find a potential pill that could helps you.

- Let's go in class, it's about to start, » you take her extended hand that was giving you the med and walk to class, steps galloping in fear of being late.

Mrs So was already in the classroom, spreading her books and belongings and not even after being seated, she began her lesson. You quickly ate the med while rummaging through your bag to pull out your belongings.

« Pssst Y/N, »

It was one of your classmate, in whom you never really spoke. The way her eyes glinted in curiosity was slowly freaking you out. You knew what she wanted to know.

« No, we aren't dating, don't misunderstand the pic, you respond drier than attended and not even sparring her a glance making it look even more rude.

- Okay okay sorry for wasting your time, you could hear the sarcastic tone with an eye roll, not that you really care. What a boring girl you are, why would he choose you instead of me? »

You silently sighed, it's not your fault if his flirty ass was in front of your house at 1 A.M. But maybe you shouldn't have approached him and just should've shut him down and go to sleep like nothing happened.

« Ladies at the right, stop talking, warns Mrs So.

- It's Y/N, she can't keep her mouth shut, she said, voice filled with sarcasm.

- Huh? Are you talking about you?

- Tch, what are you five?

- Yup five times smarter than you, you proudly smile, the whole class hyping you.

- YOU-

- Mrs Park, this is your last warning, stares Mrs So.

- I'll kill you Marilyn Monhoe, she lastly whisper.

- At least I'm hot, » you quietly say, hearing the snickers of some of your classmates.

Internally, you were screaming because how in hell someone spotted you with THE Lee Heeseung? This just made you exasperated and more determined to have less contact with him...

Days had passed and you were avoiding Lee Heeseung like plague. The latter did not understand your behavior as he was secretly longing for you.

Following you with his eyes each time you happened to walk by him. His friends, except one were looking at him with a grin, they knew oh how much Heeseung wanted to own you, well the reason was unknown to them, but the way he was devouring you with his eyes spoke enough for them to know you were his prey.

In fact, Lee Heeseung has been infatuated by you the day he saw you rejecting one guy. The latter was known for being a real playboy in disguise, playing the Prince Charming to get girls. We could say he and Heeseung were sworn enemies, competing over who could catch more girls. So when you turned the guy down, it only created a spark in Heeseung, the desire to win you invading his brain. If he could have you, he could brag about it to the loser who failed, gaining yet a tingle of pride. At first, winning you and throwing you like an old rag was all he could think of, yet what he didn't expected, was the fact you were *actually* attractive and interesting. He felt like you were an unpolished gem, a precious diamond that didn't showcase its spark yet. In his head he was the miner, you were the diamond, he had to polish you, to make you shine.

일곱.

« K-kiss you, t-touch you, w-want you »

« Make me love you »

Soon enough, seeing and thinking that Lee Heeseung's attention on you was finally finished, you lowered your guards and peacefully lived your life, knowing the only person you needed in your social circle was Young-Hee.

*Ding*

The sound of your phone makes you freak out as you take it out of your bag. Speaking of the devil, Hee has just send you a message, claiming she was feeling sick and won't be able to come in class.

« Is this for real? The exact moment I think about her, she's sick, this girl I swear, » you sigh.

Young-Hee was the type of girl who got rarely sick, so it feels empty to eat alone in a classroom. You thought that it could bring you peace and to be honest, you didn't want to be looked at for eating alone. So here you were, eating alone in a classroom, just minding your business.

« Oh, did I just caught a fish eating alone? » a voice resonated in your ears, breaking the pleasant silence you were in.

Immediately perking your head, your gaze falls upon the ice skater. His tall frame was leaning against the door, his arms crossed with one hand holding a drink.

His eyes had looked you from toes to head, analyzing every details and to be fair, made you slightly uncomfortable. His grin and teasing eyes just made you feel self conscious and you looked away, a slight blush creepig up your face.

« I didn't expect you to be here... What brings you here? you ask softly, resuming on eating your lunch.

- I saw you eating alone, so I thought I could keep you compagny, are you okay with this? » he says, already making his way to take the chair in front of you, pulling it so the back could rest against your desk. He finally plopped down on the chair, facing you directly, propping his forearm on the top of his chair.

- Well... looks like you already eased yourself here, beside, who am I to tell you no? You suck in a sigh, his intense gaze was just urging you to hide in a hole and to never get out of it.

- We didn't get to finish our conversation last time, so why not catching it up now? he asks, looking at the window, the sun rays shining on his handsome face, did he thought he was in a drama? Even the breeze was a paid actor as it made your hair and his leisurely dancing.

- Hum... I'm kinda an awkward girl, you may go on your way...you mutter, dumbfounded as to why someone like him would want to have a conversation with a girl like you, trying to escape guys like death.

- It's okay l'm awkward too, » he chuckles to himself, his head lowering slightly as he does.

Gosh he was beautiful, what did he ate to be this handsome?

« Sung- », a voice called but immediately stopped.

Lee Heeseung was there, and the scene before his eyes was like a bad dream. His close friend, Park Sunghoon is having a face to face conversation with the girl he's trying so hard to catch the attention. Heeseung wondered why it looks easy for his friend to talk to you, he did not understand at the moment why you weren't hostile towards him. If one day Heeseung was being told he got jealous over one of his friend, he would have just laughed it off, shaking his head while mumbling some incoherent things on how it is impossible for him to feel that way.

« What is it hyung? » asks Sunghoon, clearly aware of his senior's intentions with you.

« Well... I didn't expect you two to be together, his eyes were locked on your figure, long time no see Y/ N, » he smiles at you, closing the distance between you three. You couldn't be in a more embarassing situation. Firstly, the tension could be felt from miles, secondly, you never asked to be talked to, and finally, how can it be so hard to be alone these days?

Feeling uneasy, both by their intimidating gazes and their presence, you shakily release a sigh.

« I don't know what I did to you guys... what do you want from me? » you ask, on one hand, not wanting to know their answer, and on the other one, craving to know what their full intentions were.

« Didn't I told ya already? I want you to race with me, » he says nonchalently, shrugging his shoulders.

« And I was clear about it, I don't wanna do it, » you sigh, not really knowing how to formulate your words so he could give it up.

« Racing with Heeseung could be dangerous, that's why I'm never riding with him, » says softly Sunghoon, his expression betraying his voice. But it ceased when his attention finally focused itself on you, the older man glaring at him.

« Don't act like you are not riding like him, » your brows creased, not impressed.

« I don't do cars races, I swear on my lovely dog, » he lifted his hands up, claiming his innocence.

« I don't wanna drive with either of you two, you sigh, closing your eyes, what did I do for you two to want me to ride with you? There's plently of girls in the campus! »

At this point they didn't know if you were really clueless or if you were doing this on purpose. It was as clear as water that Lee Heeseung and Park Sunghoon were hitting on you. We couldn't really blame you: never got confessed, never got a boyfriend, never had male friends after Sunoo so yes, what is love anyways?

Heeseung thought for a while, trying to find a way to make you agree. When the idea comes to him, he smiles brightly and stand in front of you, looking down at you with a smirk.

« How about I buy you those pretty pencils from this one shop near the campus? I noticed that you have a lot of them, » he smiles, proud.

Touché, you felt blocked, because as much as you want to deny it, you always had a things for books and stationery stores. You took care of the esthetic of your belongings and it didn't go unoticed by Lee. Gritting your teeth, your head became fuzzy as well as your thoughts, the tentation was high but a side of you keep reminding you that he was Lee Heeseung, the campus' playboy. You failed to catch the smile of Sunghoon sightly faltering. Freak, Heeseung got a step ahead, and you, who were usually direct to reject him, was now hesitating.

The first time Park Sunghoon came visiting the new city he was gonna moved in, he didn't thought much of it. His introvert character made it hard for him to open up to people. Only on his friends he could lean on and they were everything he needed. Sunghoon didn't planned on falling in love. Indeed he was known for being quite the heartless and cold guy, ignoring confessions and not showing a bit of interest in the opposite gender. His sister and mom were enough for him, he didn't need other women in his life than his family. But fate worked against him when he saw a young girl from his age, crouching near a dog while patting it. His eyes traveled up to see the longstanding crusty letters that formed the two words « Animal center » written on an old building, dilapidated enough to imagine it was there for many years. The girl was standing just behind the opened gate, talking sweetly with the dog in front of her. She looked like she was the happiest on Earth, in her own bubble as her soft chuckles resonated in the silence of the street. Sunghoon was too stunned to speak a word, clearly dazed by the scenery painted in front of his eyes. The golden hour made it look even more beautiful than it was already, melting his icy heart the more he was watching you.

« HUM... Can I help you? » Sunghoon heard a voice calling out to him, stopping him from his dazy state and regaining consciousness. The sight of you was nowhere to be seen as an old granny, smiling softly at him, stood a few meters away from him, eventually blocking him from seeing you.

« Oh, hum, n-no... I was just passing by... » he answered, caught off guard and blushing from embarassment. He quickly bowed before hasting his steps out of sight. At this moment, he believed that he could never see you again.

So the day you splashed your milk onto his shirt, his anger immediately turned into surprise when he saw your face, the image of you patting the dog inked in his brain. He hadn't got the time to speak a word that you were already dashing out of his sight, handing him a tissue while looking down and walking past him.

« How long does a racing lasts? » You ask, reclaiming again Sunghoon's attention on you.

Watching as Heeseung heaved a sigh alongside a sly grin, his face showing nothing else but satisfaction and victory.

« It's tonight, midnight, I will pick you up at 11:30 PM » Heeseung smirks, eyeing you with fancy eyes.

« I didn't ask when it was, I asked about the duration, you sigh, besides I didn't even agreed, you stated and raised a brow at him.

- Yet. If you really wanted to refused you would have already told me no, he smiles, knowing he won, so tell me, are you coming or not? »

Gritting your teeth, you looked everywhere besides the two men in front of you, one eager to know your answer, certain you will say yes. The other, praying you will say no, his eyes not leaving yours.

« Y/N- », begins Sunghoon before getting cut of by Heeseung.

« Come on! First and last time I ask you to! »

« I really hate you... » you mutter enough for them both to hear.

« Shit… » thinks Sunghoon, completely devastated you agreed.

여덟.

« Every day, I enter into a different world

I was a butterfly, attracted to the temptation 

I’ve fallen into a sweet scent

How do I look ? »

Here you were, waiting for Lee Heeseung to come pick you up, your hands tightly grabbing the strap of your purse. Soon enough, you catch a glimpse of a car's headlights. Stopping just in front of you, the driver's door opened to reveal Heeseung. His hair was up, showing his forehead, wearing a dark blue baggy jeans, an oversize black t-shirt with a leather jacket. His looks were complimented by earrings and necklace. And on his face, a smirk was plastered. You could tell he loved what he was seeing.

« Here we go, Mrs Y/N, » he smiles, opening the passagenger's door for you, and you oblige, sitting inside his car. His car was impressive, a black Alfa Romeo Giulia quadrifoglio. « Perfect for his car's racings », you thought to yourself as your eyes wander on the illuminated dashboard. As much as your heart was beating loudly, a part of you was telling you that Lee Heeseung has made a special propose for you to drive with him made you feel unique, until the other part of your brain reminds you that the seat you're currently sitting on had tons of women on it. It gave you chills and a little frown make its place on your face as Heeseung finally eases himself beside you.

« Are you comfy? he asks before stopping himself when looking at your face, I feel like I just kidnapped you while you agreed to come with me. » He chuckles while you refused to look back at him, a small pout on your lips.

« Nothing, hurry so I can go home as fast as I can, » you mumble while looking at the window.

« Alright, received loud and clear. » He smiles before pressing his foot on the pedal, the car dashing at top speed.

You suppress a loud gasp when he does, firmly gripping anything you can grasp. Your heart that was already beating real fast feels like it could explose anytime. You could not even apprehend what was happening at the moment, the city flashing at an incredible speed, soon reaching the small-town.

You try not to pay too much attention on the way he has his left elbow on the ledge of the window, his fingers grazing his lips and the other hand, firmly seizing the steerwheel. Gosh why was he still attractive after all the troubles he did to you?

« Liking the view my lady? » he says, snapping you out of your trance.

« I would be pleased if I could get another one right now. » You answer without missing a beat.

All you recolted was his laugh filling the tensed silence.

« I can say you give your trust easily Y/N, he stated with a grin, you really do look like those children who are seen being proposed some candies by a total stranger, he looks at you for a few seconds before looking back at the road, fallen into the trap. »

«I-, » you tried to answer back but couldn't say anything as it was true.

The rest of the trip was spent in the silence as a soft music played in the background. You were feeling uncomfortable. Mainly because you were not expecting to spend a soiree with a man and mostly Lee Heeseung.

You finally arrived when you see an infinite amount of cars alongside cheerful people, suddenly feeling self-consicous about the situation you're in right now. You didn't think about the fact that Lee Heeseung was very well known in town and so, that everyone surely already knew it was him by the sight of his car. As Heeseung parked right in front of a crowd, he turns his head to look at you. « Just be natural pretty, you will mak’em all speechless » he whispers smoothly, you took a deep breathe, nodding quickly before going out of the vehicule.

« Yo man, came with your new chick? Whistle a man upon seeing you, his eyes roaming up and down your silhouette.

- Yup, m'racing with her tonight, » grins proudly Heeseung, glancing back at you with a glint in his eyes while you roll yours up.

You then noticed how people were staring at you, mixed reactions coming up as you try not to pay attention to it. However, in the corner of your eyes, you notice a familiar body. Park Sunghoon. He was standing alongside the rest of the band. His eyes were fixed on you, a frown visible on his features. This made you uncomfortable. To be honest, everything made you self-conscious and anxious. This wasn't something you were used to, all the ruckus, this seems like another world to you and the dryness in your throat wasn't helping.

« Everyone! I'm gonna list all the races of tonight! » announces a slender men wearing a pair of sunglasses even though it was pitch dark, his long hair hiden behind a red cap.

Soon, everyone turned their attention towards him, listening actively to what he was saying.

« And for the last race, we will have Lee Heeseung against a new opponent! Tonight signs his first participation! Please, welcome Park Sunghoon! » he screams happily as he gestures towards the said man, standing not so far away from you, screams soon invading your ears as your eyes were fixed on him.

You notice the way his face remains close, not a single emotion discernible except for determination. And as your eyes cross each other, a firm grip on your hip made you look up, a low angle-shot of Heeseung's side profile entering your vision.

« Stop staring at him and focus on me. He says lowly only for you to hear.

- And who are you to order me that? You answer him, an eyebrow arched, surprising yourself at the way you could respond with confidence.

- Consider tonight like a date. He grins, finally looking down at you, his eyes flickering between your lips and your eyes.

- ...Tch. » You sigh. You really felt into his trap.

When your turn finally came, your hurriedly walk to go to Heeseung's car, but not before a hand gripped your forearm, yanking you slowly back.

« Can we talk real fast before going? You recognize his voice, it's Sunghoon.

- Okay... but quick. You nod along before isolating yourself with him, Heeseung watching afar not really liking what he is seeing, but the crowd around him make it impossible for him to reach out to you.

- Fuck. » He curses under his breath, feeling his blood boiling in his veins.

Being now a few meters away from all these people, Sunghoon halt his steps and turns around, his eyes immediately falling on your delicate features.

« Listen-

- Sunghoon-, you both started at the same time. He quickly gestures you to keep going as you heave a sigh, why? Why are you participating in this race ? Weren't you the one saying it was dangerous? You frown, your arms crossing against your chest.

- I know, I'm sorry I just... I just.. I think I just can't trust Heeseung hyung with you. He spoke, his words faint as if he was searching for his words. Thanks for the darkness of the sky, you couldn't decipher his red cheeks and ears nor even the way his eyes were looking everywhere but you.

- And why so? » You tilt your head, ignoring the reason behind this reasoning.

Your eyes were fixed on his face as he looks right back at you, determination written on his face.

« Because I… »

You were now in Heeseung's car, your heart beating crazily against your ribcage.

« What happened with Sunghoon? the driver asks, tone colder than a few hours ago.

- Nothing concerning you, you answer slowly, the name of the other man making you anxious.

- Y/N, what did Sunghoon told you? » Heeseung repeats, his voice a bit menacing as he places his car on the left side of the track, a gorgeous woman standing at your right with two flags in her hands. Soon, another vehicule stops just beside you. Not wanting to face Heeseung, you look at the window only to meet Sunghoon's fierce gaze. Your cheeks reddening, you quickly look in front of you, breath stuck in your chest.

« Well, if I win, you better tell me, he scoffs, foot on the pedal, pressing it hardly, both cars' motors roaring up.

- No, you frown, your hands clasping against the belt.

- It wasn't a question, » he finally says as a loud sound comes from an air horn signalling the start of the race.

Your words got stuck in your throat as the car dash at an alluring speed, your hands quickly grabbing the door's handdle to keep yourself steady.

« Fuck you Lee Heeseung for pulling me in this shit, you curse, feeling like your heart could explode anytime.

- The pleasure is mine baby, he smirks, shooting a glance in the rearview mirror, seeing as Sunghoon was close behind you, I can't believe it's his first time, you don't drive like this on your first time, he chuckles lowly, accelerating.

- Well, don't blame me if I end up barfing in your car, you say, breathless as he took a sharp turn on the left, your head almost colliding harshly against the window.

- Mark your territory pretty, » he only chuckles loudly.

It was a close race, one you couldn't tell who will win. And to be honest, you were more on the verge of throwing up and dying than to take care on who was winning. The only thing you could do was to focus on your breathe, cursing here and there and wondering why on earth did you accept to accompagny him, for what? Some dumb stationnary things you could buy yourself?!

In no time, you heard another loud bang of air horn, concluding the end of the race. Your eyes previously closed, opened slowly to reveal the crowd cheering for you.

« Did you win? You ask, voice weak and wet.

- Yup, I won baby, » the playboy declares, quickly opening his door as people were cheering loudly for him.

He quickly blend into the crowd, happily celebrating his victory as you got out of the vehicule, running to a secret corner to throw up. Coughing, tears in your eyes, you felt a striking pain in your head.

« I hate this man so much... kof kof... » you blabber, wiping your mouth with the hem of your hoodie.

You hurriedly dash out of the car once the latter stops in front of your house. The ride back was silent as you had closed your eyes all along, not answering the winner even once.

« Hey, Heeseung spoke, after stepping out of his car too, hands in his pockets, he makes his way towards you, a grin evident adorning his face, care to explain what had happened between you and Sunghoon now that I won?

- No. And after this night, I think I hate you even more, you spat, tiredness written all over your face.

- All right all right, what did I even do this time? he smirks, coming closer to you, his scent invading your nostrils as the wind carries his perfume.

- I... I freaking threw-, » you said before feeling another wave of vomit climbing back up your esophagus, your hand clasping against your lips.

Seeing your state, Heeseung couldn’t help but laugh out loud, his bright smile making you blush.

« It’s alright, just throw up, » he snickers as you walk fast away from him, crouching down near the drain in front of your house. Soon enough, you throw up once more, feeling breathless and thirsty. You then feel two warm hands tying your hair up in a makeshift ponytail, then a delicate hand massaging the back of your neck.

« I’m sorry I had to put you through this, but I had to win, » he smiles, his eyes inked to the back of your head as you cough, a few tears escaping your eyes.

Lee Heeseung, apologizing? This does not goes together very well. But why does he sound so sincere? Did he really meant those words?

« And for what? What did you won? » You ask, spitting not so gracefully in the drain, feeling well aware of his eyes on you, at this point you couldn’t care because your head was throbbing so painfully that receiving a bullet in your skull was the only solution you could think of.

« I was wishing for a chance with you actually, he said unbothered while you choked on your own saliva.

- Are you kidding me? You say, your throat so dry you feel like all the water in your body left you when you threw up.

- Nope, I want you. » he said, crouching down next to you, his fingers cupping your jaw to make you look at him. His thumb coming up to wipe off the saliva at the corner of your lips, the movement making you dizzy.

In the breezy night, it felt like only you and Lee Heeseung remained on Earth as time seems to have stopped. His eyes were hypnotizing you, your breathing stopping as you contemplate each other. For a second, your mind sure felt bewitched by his pupils. You felt like you were drunk, was it the effect of your periods? The fatigue? The stress? Or was it simply because of him?

« Make me love you… you breathed out, quietly.

- Mh? He only hums, slowly approaching his face closer to yours.

- If you so want me… then try to make me love you… you whisper, your ears and cheeks turning crimson as your heartbeat pounded furiously.

- Are you allowing me to? Because once I start, there’s no turning back, and… I will not accept any complain coming from your pretty lips » he mutters, his eyes closing slowly.

On the contrary, your eyes opened wildly, is he really going to kiss you? Like, right now? Your thoughts invaded your brain and without thinking twice, you quickly pushed him away, both your hands on his toned chest before getting up and running towards your house.

« I threw up! You say embarrassed as you fidget with your purse while searching for your keys.

- Wouldn’t have bothered me… » he mumbles to himself as he chuckles, a smirk plastered on his face as he watches you, hands in his pockets.

아홉.

« Farther, a little bit farther, high in the sky

I’ve come a white star as I fly away

Never seen it before 

(Such warm eyes) »

You sigh in relief as you remember that it was Saturday.

« Finally alone! » You huffed softly, stretching out on your bed as birds are chirping.

Thanks to your great organisation, you already did all your homework too, so the weekend will be pretty chill. As you were humming contently, memories of what happened last night flew in your head and you quickly hide your tomato face in your cushions, screaming your frustration out.

« Are you okay girl? A deep voice asks.

- Huh? You’re back?! You instantly lift your head up to look up at your big bro, standing against the door of your room.

- Yup. Why did you screamed like a dead hen? Did you realized you’ll be single for the rest of your life? He grins mockingly.

- Shut up you cow! You spoke back, yeeting a pillow in his direction which he avoids easily.

- Breakfast’s ready, move yo ass down. » He smiles, satisfied before going down the stairs.

Fortunately for you, the breakfast went smoothly, catching up with your brother and spending time with your family is something you particularly enjoy.

« Someone threw up in the drain just in front of our house, if I catch them I’ll send them to Hades! Rumbles your dad as your face turn pale and you gulp down.

- If only you knew Dad… you thought to yourself, once again remembering Heeseung’s lips near yours.

- Hey, why are ya red like this? Smirks your brother, teasing you for the ninth time.

- Eggs are hot, you try to dissuade him, glaring.

- They’ve been on your plate for an hour what do you mean they’re hot? Liar. » He replies back, an eyebrow cocked, not believing you one bit.

You just snort and keep on eating, missing the way your brother’s stare remained on you for a bit longer than usual, examining your face.

**Buzz buzz**

The table trembles slightly as your phone vibrates. All eyes on you as you check your notifications. Some messages from an unknown number. Well…. Not so unknown if you’re being honest because you knew exactly who it was.

« Answer, grins your brother.

- No phone at the table. Strictly orders your mom.

- Mom, your daughter is probably seeing your future son-in-law, snickers your brother which earns a small kick from you under the table, ouch! Why so violent sis?

- The day my daughter will have a boyfriend will be the day your father will stops snoring, your mother chuckles as your phone keeps vibrating, Y/N answer the poor boy.

- …, you watch every member of your family before sighing, okay…, » you mumble, taking your phone and walking away.

You then isolated yourself in the kitchen, a groggy voice reaching your eardrums.

« Hey beautiful, he greets you, the raspy voice being a clue of his recent awakening.

- What? You answer drier than intended, making him chuckle.

- Do you feel better? He asks, his eyes closed as your voice soothe his heart.

- Yes… thank you… for holding up my hair…, you mumble shyly, suddenly embarrassed about the fact you actually threw up before a human other than your family.

- Are you free? I want to see you. His tone sounded so pleading, you thought for a second.

- …Let’s buy what you had promised me, you whisper softly, unconsciously smiling.

- All right, will be here in 20, » he says, making a kissing sound before hanging up.

Your cheeks flushed when you realized he sent you a flying kiss. Before quickly shaking your head and slapping your cheeks. « Get your shot together Y/N! » you think to yourself.

« It was cheesy sis, sneers your brother peeking through the door, I actually can’t believe my sister has a date like right now, by the way can you run some errands for me? I will send you by texts. Thank you! He quickly says before disappearing.

- This kid I swear, I wonder if I’m not the older sister sometimes. » You roll your eyes up before quickly preparing yourself.

« Is it a date? Is it not? » After all, Heeseung did promised to buy you some stationery items, right? So he was just fulfilling his promise, right? So why couldn’t you stop the speed of your heart nor the unstopping back and forth thoughts in your head? Twenty minutes flew by in an instant and you were nervously waiting for him in front of the gates.

A loud roaring takes your attention as you search for the familiar car of last night. Here you see Heeseung’s impressive car, stopping in front of you.

« Tut-tut-tut, before you go lemme do a small check, cut off your dad, surprisingly standing next to you, I gotta see who is taking my daughter away from me.

- Dad it’s not a date..! You mumble between gritted teeth as you watch anxiously the way Heeseung got out of his car to come to you.

- That’s what your mom told her dad on the first date with me, he scoffs before examining Heeseung from head to toe.

- Good morning, I’m Lee Heeseung, » the latter says, extending his hand after bowing politely to your dad.

Your dad only shakes the younger man’s hand, his grip strongly engulfing Heeseung’s one. He puts some more pressure on his grip before Heeseung tightens his too making your dad chuckles shortly.

« 11 PM, not one second more, » he just said before turning his heels away and going back home.

You scoff at what he said, rolling your eyes up.

« I‘ll be home earlier than that, » you shake your head in disbelief.

Lee Heeseung could only smile as he opens the door for you, before going to the driver seats and driving you two in direction of your favorite shop.

열.

« Deeply place me in your universe

(I’ll close my eyes) 

Take me far away

And make me love you »

8 PM, you couldn’t believe your eyes as you saw the time. Did you just spent a whole day with the man you thought hated from your deepest guts? The day flew by so quickly you did not even noticed it. And you hated to admit it but you had a great time with him. It almost felt too real to be true.

You were sitting on a bench, facing a lake as some shopping bags were at your feet, a respectable distance between you and Heeseung.

**Buzz buzz**

Your phone vibrates as you were staring at the female duck and her children swimming in the water.

« Ayo sis, I’m sending you what I need, just go to the 24/7 store! Thank you! » was the text your brother sent you before a list followed right after.

« - Cigarettes

- Lighter

- Candies

- Lube

- Condoms- »

You cough out loud, almost throwing out your phone in the lake as you saw the two last items he needed.

« Is everything okay? Heeseung asks with a small frown upon seeing you coughing badly.

- Y-yeah…yeah yeah… you chuckle it off, looking elsewhere but him.

- Do you want to go home? I will drive you-

- No actually I need to buy some stuff for my brother you can go ahead, I’ll go home alone, you smile sheepishly.

- Your dad’s gonna kill me if he ever learn I let you go home alone, Heeseung responds, and he was right, besides, I do want to drive you home, » he smiles softly, grazing his eyes over your features.

You could only sigh. Secretly noticing how the Lee Heeseung you knew in college wasn’t the same one standing in front of you.

« Well… why should I be shy since you saw me spitting out my intestines? You finally say before standing back up on your feet. Let’s go, » your turn to face him, his eyes staring up at you.

You didn’t noticed the awkward feeling right away but now it was eating you up as you were in the aisle presenting every brand of condoms that existed.

« Did I miss a hint from you? Smirks Heeseung, a box of condoms in his hand as he fixes the product.

- Stop it, I already want to bury myself alive right now, you whisper lowly, checking your surroundings like a psycho every two seconds, checking if someone is witnessing you.

- Should I help you out? These ones are great, he said, pointing a particular brand on a shelf.

- God, I didn’t have to know! You bite down on your lower lip, heat quickly spreading across your cheeks and your chest.

- And for the lube, take this one, » he says softly, ignoring your words, his body suddenly behind you as he reaches for a box of lube, the proximity making you breathless.

It seems like you stopped working as you couldn’t answer him nor move. So Heeseung took the matter in his hands and grabs the necessary items in one hand and your own hand in his other before leading you to the cashier. He then puts down the items that were quickly scanned by the young lady, eyeing you not so secretly.

« 28080.55₩, announces the lady.

- W-what?! Twenty thousand freaking won for some condoms and lube?! You thought to yourself before a little sound comes from the POS machine, indicating that the payment was done.

- Thank you! Have a great night! Bow the cashier before you couldn’t even process anything.

- Let’s go, » says Heeseung, grabbing the plastic bag and your hand, leading you outside.

You only snapped back to reality once the cold wind hit your face.

« Why did you paid for it?! And why did you choose the most expensive ones?! Twenty thousand won for condoms and lube were not worth it!

- If we want to do it correctly, the price is not important, he grins, tilting his head curiously.

- It’s not for me! You blush furiously, looking away and walking towards his car, let’s go home now.

- Should we eat a bit before I drive you home? He offers.

- …Then let me pay for it, you suggest after taking a few seconds to think.

- Alright princess, » he smiles as you both enter his car.

Like promised, Lee Heeseung let you pay for the dinner. You didn’t know if he was doing it on purpose or not, but his menu was cheaper than you, almost making you believe that he didn’t wanted you to pay a crazy amount.

« Are you sure this will be enough? You only took some fries and a soda… you mutter, looking down at his tray.

- Don’t worry, just eat, he shakes his head, plopping one fries in between in lips, slowly munching on it as he stares at the window.

- Here… you extend your untouched burger close to his mouth, your lips in a thin line. Hurry before I take it out. »

Heeseung looks at you with wide eyes before a warm smile spread onto his lips, holding onto the eye contact as he bites in the burger. His hand engulfs yours placed on the burger as he munches slowly. You then noticed how his fingers are long and slim, bigger than yours.

« Liking the view? His words seemed oddly familiar, reminding you of the scenes that happened earlier this weekend, finding it odd how everything changed in only a week.

- It’s not too bad, you answer boldly this time, keeping the eye contact.

- Want to see more? He grins.

- Nope, no more, don’t cross the line, you suddenly stopped him, his eyes going wide, a shocked expression before he burst out laughing, what? You ask, in disbelief.

- Nah you’re just cute, » he says, his chin on his palm, watching you endearingly as you eat your burger.

You stopped in front of your house’s gates, turning around.

« Thank you, I guess? » You say in a sigh.

Heeseung comes close to you, taking the bags from your hands and putting them down.

« I’ve never in my life waited this long, he mumbled, hands clasping around yours.

- For what? You ask a bit incredulous, palms sweating as the unusual feeling creeping in your chest comes again.

- After everything I’ve done to you, you’re still clueless of my intentions? I even said it to you multiple times already, he chuckles, incredulously.

- It doesn’t change the fact that you’re a playboy Heeseung…

- Do you want me to stop? He grins, a loving beam in his eyes.

- And what if you do? You answer back, looking up at him, getting lost in his eyes.

- Then I can have you for myself, he whispers, leaning dangerously close to you.

- I don’t know… you speak softly, voice fainter and fainter.

- If I give you something you longed for ever since, will you let me kiss you? He stares deeply in your eyes, searching for any hints of rejection, none besides hesitation.

- Depends… » you say, not really sure what he meant by that.

He fiddles with something in his pocket before a too familiar stringed bracelet comes into your field of view: the one your childhood’s friend gifted you, your anti stress.

« How…

- It fell when you were escaping Jake the other day, he gave me this and I knew it belonged to you when you came back searching for it, he whispers as he ties it back around your wrist.

- Thank you… for the day… for the bracelet, you trail off, not taking your eyes off from the simple but precious accessory on your wrist.

- It’s okay… he murmurs, his finger lifting your chin up, so is that a yes? You’re not going to reject me now, right? You didn’t threw up nor-

- Hurry up before I change my mind! You hiss, blushing and hitting his chest lightly.

- I love you. »

His words caught you off guard as his lips meet yours in a sweet kiss. Warmth spreading everywhere in your body as you felt butterflies in your stomach. Kissing Lee Heeseung was so easy, he made it so easy by taking the lead, kisses intoxicating your trail of thoughts.

His gentle bite on your bottom lip made you gasp, his wet muscle quickly claiming yours in a burning tango.

From his point of view, Heeseung sneakily slide his hands on your hips, grabbing them firmly as he practically presses his body to yours. His eyes half opened to see the way your eyes fluttered or the way your cheeks flushed. His heart couldn’t take any more of it, pounding in sync with yours.

« Gosh you make me go insane Y/N… he whispers against your lips, heavy breathing as you both seems in a trance, forehead finally joining.

- I hate you…you lie, looking away.

- You’re so sneaky Y/N, » he chuckles, ready to capture your lips for another kiss.

A loud gasp emitted from behind you as you quickly step away from Heeseung, turning around to see your brother.

« Sorry to interrupt but… Lil sis, do you have my condoms? »

« K-kiss you, t-touch you, w-want you »

« Make me love you »

END.

Your Highness!

We are delighted to see you here!

After a long break, our Queen had finally decided to wake up and had works her magic again!

She charged me to inform you about her ongoing activities! Lots of things are happening so we are hoping you will enjoy them!

Apologizing for taking so long to come back, we wish you a happy day.

- Butler of the castle.

[xxsabitoxx]

Toxic Things the Pillars Do.

Pillars x Unspecified Reader

Warnings: toxic behaviors/habits — angst-ish

A/N: don’t get me wrong, I love the idea of these characters being the perfect dream man/woman but lets be real… if they were real people they’d definitely have some bad habits… so this is what I think they are :)

Bold words = the toxic trait

Tomioka Giyu

He is so unbelievably withdrawn sometimes

You were able to break him out of his shell enough to want to be with him and make a life with him and such

But sometimes he falls into these periods where he wants nothing to do with anyone — including you.

Which, you understand his past traumas, you understand when people need space

But these periods of silence can go on for months

You try to be there for him but really there is only so much you can handle before you feel like you’re in a relationship with a damn ghost.

He thinks things can go right back to normal once these episodes pass

He thinks you’ll always be willing and waiting for him once he pulls himself out of these depressive episodes

And you were the first few times it happened, now you’re at your wits end

He can’t see why you’d be bothered by his withdrawn personality

I mean, you knew what you were getting into, right?

Kocho Shinobu

She can have a mean ass attitude

I’m talking mean as fuck, like she gets into moods where she’s just looking to start an argument

We know she’s an angry soul, she hides it behind a never ending smile

But when she’s alone with you, she can be herself

Which, in her mind, means she doesn’t need to put up an always happy facade with you

You respect that of course, you knew she was feisty before getting into your relationship with her

But there have been times where her attitude gets the better of her and she can be almost unbearable

She’ll insult you during a fight and not apologize after

She struggles to see when she’s in the wrong

It’ll take a lot of work to get her to apologize but honestly it sometimes doesn’t even feel genuine

She gets visibly upset if you give her an attitude in response to her behavior

Rengoku Kyojuro

He’s too positive

If you have a problem or are having a bad day, you’ll often go to him for help

The problem being, his advice can almost be a little too much… pushy even.

Sometimes you just want to collapse in his arms and hug him tightly to feel better

However, he’ll nonstop talk about ways to fix your problems and even try and get you off of him to do so

He struggles to read the room

When you’re upset, sometimes Kyojuro has an issue realizing it. (It’s giving tism…mood)

He’s also very practical and can struggle to differentiate between you wanting advice and simply wanting comfort

The thing his, overall his “toxic traits” aren’t all that bad

They just take some getting used to, and he’s more than willing to work on them

Main toxic trait: he really doesn’t have one

Uzui Tengen

He unintentionally plays favorites

Out of his spouses, he’s quite obvious about the one he’s feeling closer to that day (ouch)

He doesn’t realize it, he thinks he’s hiding it well because honestly he loves all four of you the same.

It’s just… sometimes he’s a little more clingy with one or two of you more so than other days

He’s blunt as fuck

He has no regards for what he says, if it hurts it hurts but it’s the god damn truth

This has actually created a few arguments among the five of you all together (Tengen, Makio, Suma, Hina and you)

There has actually been times where you’ve all slept in separate beds because of it

He is a perfectionist

If you do his makeup or hair wrong, he’ll get pissy about it

Maybe even make a comment about how one of the other wives do it better. Like I said, he’s blunt.

Kanroji Mitsuri

She’s extremely clingy Don’t come for me for saying that, I love clingy people tbh

She’ll throw a fit if you have to leave her on days she’s not feeling the best

She’s super emotional too so sometimes you feel like you’re walking on eggshells around her

If you don’t give her the attention she deserves, she’ll give you the silent treatment

That being said… she’s stubborn

Similar to Giyu, she doesn’t think her stubbornness is a big deal and can’t understand why you’re peeved by it

Which results in an argument… which results in tears

Even if you didn’t do anything wrong, she expects you to apologize yes of course Queen, whatever you want fr I’m on my knees.

She unintentionally gaslights you

“What? Do you not love me? Why don’t you spend more time with me? I guess I’m not that important”

She’s a lot to handle but tbh you still love her. No fr I’m on my knees I’ll do whatever she wants

Iguro Obanai

He’ll compare you to others

In a weird way, he’ll project his own insecurities onto you

He’s super critical when it comes to random things, if you ask him a question and he feels the answer is obvious he’ll make you feel a bit stupid for not knowing

He gets super jealous

Some may see that as a plus it’s me, I’m some but it can honestly become overbearing

He is hesitant to let you go out with anyone that isn’t in him and often forced you to decline plans

You’ll get into arguments over this and he’ll blatantly pretend he has no idea what you’re talking about

He gaslights you purposely

Unlike Mitsuri, he knows what he’s doing and knows just how to fuck with you

He’s a bit of a drama queen because of it

I totally see him not letting you break up with him, low key Yandere-ish

Shinazugawa Sanemi

His mouth. His attitude.

This bitch is a smart ass, even if what he says backfires he knows he’s more than capable of handling himself

So when it comes to you? It’s always a losing battle

It’s almost as if he’s trying to get you to leave him, see how far he can push you before you give up

He won’t open up

If you manage to stick with him, you’ll realize he mellows out and isn’t as big of a hard ass as he was

That being said, it doesn’t prevent him from falling into periods of depression or anger

When you try to help him, he pushes you away. Similar to Giyu, but these episodes don’t last nearly as long

He’s possessive

Unlike Obanai, this man rarely gets jealous. He’s cocky enough to know you’ll never find anyone better than him… gaslighter lmfao but he right

He likes to leave various marks on you where people will see and he’s not shy to public affection. Even if it makes you uncomfortable.

Himejima Gyomei

He often prioritizes other things over you

You know his work comes first, you know a lot of people rely on him but… he’ll always put work before you

Even if it’s a birthday, special occasion, etc

He’ll make it up to you of course but there is only so many missed dates, missed birthdays, missed anniversaries that you can take before you start to feel inferior

He wants children but can’t understand why you don’t

Going off of what I said above, you know damn well you’ll essentially be a single parent even though you’re with him

When you bring it up, he doesn’t see the issue. He doesn’t think he’s that absent in your life

He’s pretty timid personality wise, but there have been times where you’ve pushed his buttons and he gets curt with you.

You can go a while without seeing him

I’m talking months. When it comes to work, it’ll always be his number one priority

I should mention, he fully expects you to wait for him and refrain from… any sexual activity. I’m not sorry for that lmao