#this is so raw and also very cathartic?

[pigswithwings]

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Angels that start out completely featureless. Almost like statues without real detail. They pick at themselves to shape themselves. Dig little pits for their feathers and paint themselves with whatever color they want. Eyes aren't usually a thing they have. Eyes appear when they dig deep enough to touch the holy light below their flesh

An eye is more like a scar. Angels with many eyes tend to pick and dig at themselves more frequently

MAN....

[monsterfuckerconfessions]

I like noncon + mind break/mind control + being used like a toy in my monsterfucker fantasies because it allows me to turn my brain off and just enjoy it.

I’m autistic so I get burnt out on socialization very easily, I’m prone to overstimulation to the point of meltdowns (which would likely ruin a scene irl), and I take “imagine this happens to you” scenarios a bit too literally (because I can’t not take things literally). It’s bad enough that just reading a fic that has the reader (me) talk out consent makes me so so tired, as if I actually just had a conversation. The chronic exhaustion from just dealing with everyday life means I’m always looking for any means of escape that doesn’t involve using more spoons, and that includes for my sexual outlets.

Enter noncon. You don’t have to talk because the monster doesn’t care about that. They may be nonverbal themselves and only communicate in body language, including reading yours, which may be of benefit if they’re the type that likes to elicit a response from you. If they just see your body as a sex toy, they’re not going to hold back or have any reserves about pounding into you either, which is exactly what I want.

Now add mind break/mind control. You don’t have to think or process feelings because the monster is doing it for you. They’re making you feel a certain way, usually highly pleasured, because they can. You don’t have to worry about it not feeling good because they’re in control of that. You also don’t have to worry about overstimulation or meltdowns because they can control whether you feel that too. And if they see you as a mate, breeding partner, incubator, or just a good fuck, of course they’re going to want you to feel good. The ideal scenario for horny monsters and breeders is that you keep coming back to them.

Personally it just sounds really nice to have someone turn off all the sensory noise, not require me to speak/interact with them, and just make me feel good for several hours or even days. I would love a break like that, just, finally existing in the world in a way that isn’t irritating or painful for me but is instead making me feel good for a while. For that reason, coming up with different iterations of monsters who can achieve this, either through magic, aphrodisiacs, or just raw skill, is a rather soothing hobby of mine.

And yeah I know it won’t ever happen like that irl. Partly because I’m aroace. But that’s the point of fantasy. The fantasy itself of these kinks is very cathartic.

And I guess if you couldn’t tell already I’m a massive sub. You know the omegaverse quiz? I got Submissive Omega on it. It fits. Not ashamed just tired and happy to let someone else have all the hard responsibility, protect me and make me feel good.

.

[tommygrace]

The people on YouTube are true fans of the show and what they say about the relationship between Tommy and Grace is beautiful. These are some of the comments:

"He didn't have great day, but the seconds he sees her his face lights up. And the way he keeps caressing her face , it melts the heart. He only did this with Grace."

"Grace is so adorable in this scene, she's the only one I'll accept for Tommy."

"Grace face expressipns just show happy she is marrying to tommy. Smiling and chukling more often than before... The actress nailed the grace character so well. You can feel her love for tommy."

"The way he looks at her and this soft aspect of him that we only see when Grace is around ❤️❤️"

"Grace was Tommy’s last light."

"He was never like this with lizzie and all the other girls."

"Tommy never got that happiness again after Grace's death. No woman could make that again not even Lizzie. I'm so sad Grace died so soon. They had barely a few moments of happiness😢"

"I like how she jumps on him at the end. Such natural chemistry between these two actors. Their relationship really felt real."

"Finishing the series and watching it again, its crystal clear Grace was the love of his life. He was just never the same without her 😢 he was so in love with her, both of them."

"The way he look at her.."

"I love the fact that after getting the Sapphire he decided to get a nacklace crafted for 'Grace' and nobody else... She was always on his mind..."

"She’s so happy to see him omg I love them."

"Yes. Everybody's talking about Tommy being in love with her but Grace was so in love with him too. ❤"

"They are perfection. This scene is just absolute cathartic perfection. From the fact she RUNS to greet him to the way that Mary admonishes her like a Mother. Arrow House was so fucking happy once. This was the life they deserved, he arrives home dead on his feet after being held hostage and he doesn't give a fuck because he's home. The way she's so excited for the letter is contagious and he cares, he genuinely CARES. He's not sat there mutely as she talks to him, he doesn't stop her from talking or distract her or come onto her. He sits and listens. He's just infatuated with her the - 'yes I am. I am.' Then the good wife comment and he's just like 'No.' Don't want a good wife, I just want you. It's just such a raw, intimate moment and the thought that this happened every time she came home soothes my little broken heart. How anyone can say she wasn't the love of his life or the best thing that ever happened to him I have no clue. She gave up her entire life for him and they built an empire in those two short years. Killing her off was a travesty and such a waste of both the character and the actress. Tommy was made to be with Grace and when she died, he died with her. He never recovered. Not with Lizzie or with the children, nobody. On a cold, dark lonely night it will be back here that he goes. Not back to his wife."

"The way he looks at her when he comes in 😩🥺🥺 it was a bad day but he knew she was home waiting on him 🥰🥰"

"She brought out the good and saw him as a man despite his power and position. They loved the parts of each other no one else truly did. His face lights up when she’s around no matter what. She was the one for him, nice to see that soft side of him."

"One of my fovourite scenes. They look so happy, paceful, soft...I miss their relationship😍"

"I really want her to come back... their chemistry is no joke... i want them to have their happily ever after."

"If Grace is in his arms then everything is alright for Tommy."

"I believe Grace's name is allegorical, since Tommy was the most happy n closest to peace while she was around him, which was for a very short time. The only 'grace' in his damned life."

"Thanks for uploading this scene. I loved when there were scenes of Grace and Tommy in their bedroom. I luv when Tommy said to Grace " come here" , so powerful, like I am your man and you are my woman. Also notice how that bedroom was set up so warm and romantic . The set crew really took time in creating this loving bedroom."

"She was his everything and his queen! He was at peace with her in his arms."

"So many people hating on Grace, but she was one of the few who called him out on his shit and snapped him out of his funk. She had seen him at his worst, when he was but a shell of a man striving to rise to the top. He was always most vulnerable around her and didn't bother hiding his true self because of this . The other women wouldn't have batted an eye at him, had he not been rich or influential."

"The change in him after 'tomorrow it will be just us'. He gives a little breath before calling her over like, 'just us' I've survived the day, now just the night and then 'just us'. Just us was all he ever wanted."

"This was the only time when he was at peace. With grace. The moment she died he was never the same."

"Man she is all he ever wanted. 🥺"

"When grace died Tommy was never really happy the rest of the show."

"This was the again after her death its clear that he will never love again, he will never be the person he was when he had her😔."

"I love how her name was Grace, since grace is the one thing Tom needed in his life and made him graceful to others- and when Grace was gone, grace was also gone out of his heart."

"Those words, and the context of who is saying them, make this scene a flawless example of what makes a man and a woman, together, creating something that wasn't there before."

"He was so full of happiness and joy 🥹."

"0:53 "Promise me, hm? A wedding vow". It melts my heart when she asks this, being so in love."

"The acting is incredible, especially her being in love with him. It feels so real, and the piano music elevates this; it emphasises their intimacy. Her love is so honest and pure."

"This scene kills me every time. They were just perfection. That smile at 1:40. The negotiated dance. The softness in him 😭 why she had to die I’ll never know. She could have been such an incredible instrument in the show. Amazing actress and character."

"Adore this scene. So beautiful and sweet."

I cried when she died , they were just perfect together. The only time Tommy was happy was with Grace."

"The part that killed me was after Grace was shot and she was dying in Tommy’s arms and they cut to a wide shot and we could see her almost caressing his back, soothing his pain as she died. Maybe it wasn’t intentional but, it was a very powerful touch before they cut away. Such a fantastic show…"

"Grace was his one and only❤…he was never the same without her."

"Their relationship from beginning to end gave me chills. They did so well with these characters and their chemistry and sexual tension."

"tommy explicitly said he doesn't believe in God, and confessing to grace in a church is something i perceived that she is the only one he believes in and will save him from his sins... grace is tommy's religion ❤️‍🔥"

"The chemistry between these two, Cillian Murphy and Annabelle Wallis, is electric. Fantastic actor & actress because I'm shocked they're not married in real life with how great this is. I wish they'd get more couple roles together! Another on-screen couple in recent times I've seen with this electric chemistry is Brandon Sklenar and Julia Schlaepfer in 1923, this stuff is mesmerizing to me."

"S1 is my all time favourite. Tommy and Grace were so special. This conversation was absolutely brilliant, pureness of their emotions (symbolised by the church) amidst the lies and dangers lurking over their heads. Her presence was heavily missed in s6.😢"

"Season 1 and 2 are the highlights of deep storytelling and fantastic writing. After that the story starts to get convoluted and it is the fantastic acting that keeps people hooked."

"A brilliant scene, simple yet melancholic. They spoke so succinctly, to the point that each and every word spoken is like its weight in gold. It's just so mesmerising."

"I think that’s the sweetest on screen kiss I’ve seen yet 🥲."

"I’m still so bitter about her death 😭 I know that Tommy isn’t meant to be happy, but I would’ve loved to see Grace’s character grow alongside Tommy’s. I also think that Grace, Ada, and Polly would’ve created an amazing bond and relationship. And they would’ve been lethal for the Peaky Blinders organization. When Mosley said to Tommy that he wanted to sleep with Lizzie when Tommy invited him over to Lizzie’s bday party ballet celebration, I’ve always wondered what Tommy’s reaction would’ve been if instead of Lizzie, it was Grace who Mosley wanted to sleep with. I’m sure he would’ve lost his marbles right then and there. Grace just brought out a different side of Tommy and I love seeing that contrast in a character (the good, the bad and the ugly ). Can’t wait for the movie, though! It’s going to be EPIC!"

"I want to cry, they were so pure when they allow their feelings to flow 💓😭💕".

"Grace and Tommy...A match made in heaven❤️."

"Tommy's swith was completly off after her death,he was never the same."

"I love so much these two together. ♥"

"I love them and miss them the most a lot."

"I loved every scene Tommy and Grace were with each other. They had great chemistry together. This couple could have had so much potential but instead the writer decided to break Tommy's heart and soul so early and make him live in hell for the rest of his life. 😭So sad."

"Poor Tommy she was perfect for him and her death tore him apart."

"I want to see them together, please give us a proper closure in the movie."

"I think it was wrong to have Lizzie and Tommy together afterwards. Grace was the high standard. No other female character can replicate Tommy and Grace’s chemistry."

"Here it is shown that Grace is always going to be the great love of his life. His mind is so damaged that just imagining Grace's ghost brings him to a state of peace, because she is the only one who can make him feel better."

"When she embraced him I was ready to burst into tears. Just bring her back! 🥺."

"Maybe my heart broke all over again."

"She is the love of Tommy's life and the love for his life too. Tommy was a romantic guy who laughed, but because of the trauma of war he became a gangster to take the pressure and survive. He never loved this life, he lives like this because it is the only way. In addition to making him forget the terror of war, she was the only one to present an alternative (for 2x). He would be happy and could work with horses and cars legally without worry."

"i think this is the best scene in the entire show... I was very moved by it and i rarely get moved by anything...it captured beautifully how alone tom is ... opiates by the fire talking to his wife's ghost..i can't think of anything more lonely."

"0:55 his little smile when she starts to speak. so sad 💔."

"Grace is Tommy’s only love ❤️ I miss Grace so much 🥺🥺."

"True fooking love. No one can come close to Grace periodt. Give her a fooking role already".

"Look how relieved Tommy looked for a sec when he was embracing her 😥."

"I loved the chemistry between Tommy and Grace and I wanted to see more of Tommy and Grace and I was heartbroken when she died cause I wanted her to be with Tommy till the end of the series but sadly she had to die for the sake of storyline but still she’s my fav female character in the whole series. Tbh Annabelle is really so beautiful and gorgeous that she can make anyone fall in love with her".

"Lizzie is no where close to grace..I really wished she got to play a double role..."

"they were made for each other."

"Best scene in the series ever. the most happiest, normal, and peaceful moment Tommy ever had."

"Admit it, we all wanted this wedding to happen as soon as he met grace."

"When the tune kicked in after revealing it was Grace. Amazing."

"4:02 lol tommy wanted to kiss her forever, Grace had to be like "enough" love their love."

"The happiest days of Thomas life!"

*The shelby family is so happy that day."

"Finally!! he really loved her i was afraid they are not gonna get married."

"Tooo much love in this episode ❤"

"Tommy was so lost after poor Grace died."

This has to be one of the happiest moments in Tommy's life."

"Never saw Tommy happier and more complete than at this moment."

"His smile at 0.12 is ❤"

"Cillian Murphy said it best “There’s always a sense of healing when he’s with Grace, but that healing goes away very quickly”"

"I am so glad that someone posted this.. this scene is beautiful. For once Tommy is happy.. like really happy. It's nice that they showed one scene like this in the series. I really wanted to see that since they fell in love."

"Tommy loved his wife and son so much, poor guy lost his true happiness."

Dedicated to every Grace fan. People love them, just like all of us, Team Grace!

[freesia-writes]

Chapter 4: A Shop Visit

Enjoy a warm and fuzzy tale of romance, suspense, adventure, and self-discovery as Hunter finds his path after the events of TBB. Banner/dividers by @pinkiemme ~ Master List ~ Previous Chapter

Chapter 4 - Word Count: 2.2k - FANART BY @nika6q!!

Hunter wiped his hands on the rag before tossing it on the counter, scrutinizing the rows of neatly-trimmed filets spread across the butcher block in front of him. It had been an oddly quiet day, aside from a very boisterous group of women from the school who had stopped by on their lunch break. Why they were in search of raw meat at an hour when most people would be eating prepared food, Hunter had no idea. But he had a sneaking suspicion, after recent conversations, that there was some sort of challenge going around the office that involved his attention, and their enthusiastic questions about his sausages only furthered his increasing need for caution. 

It was nearing time to close, although he wasn’t in any hurry to get home to the empty house. Omega would be home the following day, so he’d busied himself with extra hunting time as well as some organizational tasks around the butcher shop that he’d been putting off for a while. He found it strangely cathartic as he wiped the counters after putting everything away, enjoying the smoothness of the stone surface as his mind wandered across the various aspects of life on the island.

The gentle tinkle of the bell hanging inside the door caught his attention, and he ventured out from the back room. It was another one of the office ladies, the one he’d spoken to about the emergency beacon for Omega. She was wearing a long brown skirt with a plain blue shirt tucked into it, and her brown hair was tucked into a loose braid at the base of her neck. He wracked his memory for her name, surprised that he was coming up entirely blank, but was saved from speaking by her gentle greeting. 

“Hi,” she said, offering a halfhearted wave as she carefully closed the door behind her. Her eyebrows lifted slightly as her eyes flickered around the shop. “Man, I’ve never seen any place so clean,” she admitted with the faintest chuckle that was oddly endearing. Or perhaps it was just the most emotion he’d seen from her. “Also… We Meat Again? Did you come up with the name?” She was fighting to keep her face neutral.

“I lost a bet.” He grinned at the memory, shaking his head fondly.

“Ah, well… It’s fantastic. I’d like to open a cheese shop next door and call it… uh…” she faltered, clearly not having thought this far into her own joke. “Something cheesy…” She cringed, then continued, “Are you all wrapped up for the day?”

“Just about,” Hunter said, leaning on the counter opposite her. “But what were you looking for? I think your coworkers bought enough sausage to go around for quite a while…” 

“Yeah…” Her gaze found his face for a moment before returning to their leisurely perusal of the signs, glass cases, and other elements of the storefront. “They have a bit of a herd mentality sometimes.” Her tone was hard to discern, and Hunter tilted his head, assessing her body language. She seemed a little bit sheepish and a little unsure of herself, and he didn’t get the sense that she was part of the whole office debacle, which put him at ease a bit. “Anyway – I’ve been telling myself for weeks that I was going to stop by and check the place out, so… check,” she said with a small smile, moving her index finger in the shape of a check mark in the air. 

“Can I get you anything?” he pressed, rubbing his hands together slowly as if itching to make himself useful. 

“I don’t want to make you undo all your tidying,” she answered, eyeing the slabs of meat in the case.

“It’s alright; it’s a quick clean-up if you’re not asking me to butcher an entire caraboose,” Hunter said, smirking at the resulting shock on her face that quickly melted into mildly enthused humor.

“I’m not sure I’d want to see that,” she said with a smile, pointing toward the thinly-sliced fambaa fillets. “But if you wouldn’t mind wrapping up a pound of those bad boys… perhaps then my mouth will stop watering.” He nodded, a courteous grin of his own passing across his face as he moved into action. 

“They were bad boys,” he mused, laying out the butcher paper before fetching the steaks. “Took advantage of some nearby stampeding kod’yok to try to sneak up on me. Probably would have taken a decent chunk out of my leg if I didn’t have enha… If I hadn’t been paying attention.”

“You… uh… You hunt this all yourself?” she said, eyes widening slightly as he gave a curt nod. “That sounds intense. How do you do it?” 

Hunter shrugged, folding the thick brown paper in careful layers to create one neat little package, “I was trained from a young age… had lots of practice… And it seemed to address a need around here, so I’m glad to have a place to apply my… skills.” 

“You’ve been a butcher all your life?” she asked, shifting her weight to her other foot to pull her shoulder bag into reach, digging absently for her wallet. 

“Not entirely. Did some other stuff here and there. Whatever it took to get by at different stages of life,” he answered evenly, weighing the package and printing a small label. “How about you?” he continued, shifting the focus.

“I know how that goes,” she said, delicately placing the money into his hand and taking the package from him. “Um, I had a few different jobs on Coruscant. The last one was an administrative aide for a senator’s office. I thought it would be glamorous,” she admitted, again letting out that quiet chuckle as though laughing at herself, then turning somber. “Needless to say, it was decidedly not what I expected.” 

“So you came here?” Hunter asked, tucking the money into the drawer beneath the counter. 

“Yep,” she said. “The thrilling adventures of Lyra. Coming soon to a holoscreen near you.” He chuckled, running the towel across the counter again as he committed the name to memory. “But really… It’s wonderful here. So peaceful and quiet. It’s like closing a door on the chaos of the Core Worlds.”

“Been here long?” 

“Not really… Almost two years now. But long enough to feel pretty settled.”

“Hm. Any inside info I should know?” 

Lyra laughed again, almost nervously this time, shrugging as she looked at the counter, “About what?”

“The island. The planet. The comings and goings. We’ve been here for a number of months, but it seems to be almost too quiet. I guess I have a hard time believing that anywhere could be a perfect little safe place.”

“Ah,” she said, nodding slowly. “I know the feeling. But as far as I’ve seen, the Empire doesn’t seem to know nor care about anything out here, so that keeps most of the issues away. Not a lot of conflict otherwise. Haven’t even seen many pirates. There aren’t any valuable natural resources other than what sustains everyone on the planet itself, so it just doesn’t get much attention. It’s been a nice change of pace, for me at least.”

“Sounds like the sort of place the unsavory type might go to disappear…” he mused, brow furrowing slightly. Crosshair often accused him of seeing threats anywhere and everywhere, which was ironic coming from the snarky sniper, but the sense of responsibility that had rested heavily on Hunter’s shoulders for the entirety of his created life so far was hard to shake. He sensed an immediate wave of discomfort emanating from Lyra, and he turned to face her more fully. “Sorry,” he said, realizing what it may imply. “I just mean… You haven’t seen any shady types lurking around, have you?” 

“Just that tall, scowling, gray-haired man with the eye tattoo,” she said, keeping her face carefully neutral. The flashes of humor and wit were so fleeting that Hunter questioned whether they happened at all. She must have known who he was from the school’s initial orientation day, or from Omega’s enrollment paperwork, where all of her brothers had been listed as emergency contacts and trusted guardians.

“Mmm,” he agreed, tightening his lips to hold back a smirk. “Yeah, we should watch out for that one. Anyway… Sorry if that’s an odd thing to say. Just trying to get a feel for a new place, you know…”

“I get it,” she said, in the same gentle tone she’d used in her office when he’d asked her to keep the emergency beacon. He couldn’t tell what it was about her that created an air of compassion, understanding, and quiet assurance, but it had a settling effect that he appreciated. “It’s nice to feel safe,” she finished, simply and quietly. 

“It is.” 

They stood silently for a moment, pleasantly surprised by the sense of agreement and the notable lack of awkwardness, then Lyra took a step back, tucking her bag behind her shoulder and lifting her chin slightly to give Hunter another tiny smile. 

“Thank you so much for these,” she said, nodding toward her purchase. “I’m excited to try out a dry seasoning rub that I haven’t used in years.” 

“Sounds fancy,” Hunter commented, his interest piqued. “You like to cook?” 

“I do,” Lyra admitted, running an hand absently up and down the outside of one arm. “Maybe too much,” she laughed, a little self-conscious. “I love being home. I have a little garden with herbs and vegetables, way too many pots and pans, and a disproportionate love of food. So I enjoy coming up with new recipes and trying new things.”

“Well I’m sure your family members aren’t complaining. Or whoever gets to eat it,” Hunter corrected, realizing he still didn’t know much about her situation. 

“Just me,” she said with a small shrug. “Well, that’s not true – I take some meals to neighbors at times. But it’s just me and my cozy little cottage. And the critters in the garden, I suppose. I’m not very exciting.”

“Excitement isn’t always all that it’s cracked up to be.” 

“Very true,” Lyra agreed. “Well, if you ever need some fresh herbs for all your steak adventures that Omega talks about, I’m happy to share. I’ve got a trick or two up my sleeve in the thrilling realm of meat marinades.” Every word of hers felt somehow self-effacing and unapologetic at the same time, and Hunter found a small smile on his face. 

“And you said you weren’t exciting,” he said dryly, earning a little snicker from her. “Although, to be honest, I’ll take all the help I can get… As grateful and appreciative as Omega and Wrecker are, I think we’re all getting a little sick of the same three meals. I wasn’t really made for… domestic life.” His tone grew somewhat sad at the end, echoes of his creation and purpose surfacing above his efforts to find his way in a new stage of life. 

“I think we all find ourselves thrown into situations we’d never would have guessed, at some time or another in our lives,” Lyra mused, a nearly imperceptible ache in her own slightly husky voice. Her gaze grew distant for a moment, caught only by his sharp senses before she shook her head minutely and seemed to return to the present. “Feels like getting a new pair of shoes. Awkward and clunky at first, then you wear them in until they seem to fit perfectly. You know?” Hunter’s hum of agreement was lost in her words as she continued, “Unless they’re high heels. Those are just cruel and unrelenting.”

“Now that I definitely wouldn’t know about,” he said, ducking his head to run an idle hand over his hair, most of which was pulled back near the top of his head. 

“You’d be wise to keep it that way,” Lyra said with a smile, feeling the conversation coming to a close. “Anyway… Thanks again for this,” she said, patting her bag, “And I’ll see you next time!”

“See you,” Hunter echoed, watching her slip demurely out the door. He sighed, casting a glance around the shop and mulling over her words. The only shoes he’d ever known had been combat boots, made as much for him as he had been made for them. It had been simple, in a way… And then his singular, straightforward trajectory exploded like a firework into a million different paths, leaving him scrambling to try to choose the best one for him and his squad. It was hard to believe that now, after years of chaos and tumult, he could settle into something like a simple island life. 

He finished the few remaining clean-up tasks and turned the sign on the door before locking it behind him, taking a deep breath of the fresh air before starting his walk home. Part of him wanted that sense of autonomy and freedom that nat-borns took for granted, and yet part of him balked at the thought. Why? He had no idea. But he shrugged off the thoughts as much as he could, resolving to continue on, one step at a time… while remaining prepared for anything.

.

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[lewkwoodnco]

I take you like you do your tea, with lemon and with honey - Lockwood x Reader/ Locklyle

And then you’re gone, along with half my hyper heart, leaving me alone with half-formed images of soil, rich and dark, burying what’s left of me. Oh darling, I wanted to write, I fear it is the future I hear calling, and I fear that it is from no further than our garden.

a/n: it's been a while since I've been inspired to write a fic impromptu and GOD have I missed it!! this was very cathartic to write and is one of my fav pieces of writing yet :) I decided to try something new by writing it in first person, from Lockwood's perspective, to the reader/Lucy (so it could technically also be considered a lockyle fic) there's not exactly a linear storyline heheh and i hope u enjoy!

warnings/tropes: first/second person writing, love??? fluff at least, sickeningly romantic, but also a dash of angst

word count: 720

TAGLIST | MASTERLIST

I watched you make your first cup of tea on a blustery January morning. The kitchen was too bright, and with the pounding in my head, it hurt my eyes to look. But I watched you add a drizzle of honey and a squeeze of lemon.

What's the point, I asked, of adding both honey and lemon? One sweet, the other sour, only tasting whichever’s sharper in the moment. You smiled at me. You held your cup like it was home. Outside, the curtains were singing and sighing. A new day had begun, just like any other, except now I knew how you took your tea.

You are a thousand different flavours that riddle my tongue blunt all the time. How to handle the scrapbook of memories that you are, I wonder. One moment you’re pressing a flare into my hand, making me promise not to blow up in a fit of recklessness, and the next you're resting your head on my chest, and I am too terrified to breathe.

When I'm in a mood and when you're rough with your words, I burn my tongue on you. A part of me eggs me on, pushes me to be something violent and unforgiving. Another part of me is crippled, and won't move on from the deathly quiet you left behind all those months ago. Tell me how I am supposed to love you when I don't have the capacity to do anything but, I wanted to demand. I was tired. Exhausted. You exhausted me. But still I thought, oh, love is stored in the tea leaves you wrung the very life out of.

What's the point, you say, if we are dizzy with grief as we spiral all the way down to ground zero, again? Then you look at me strange, and I realise no one's spoken. What’s the point, I ask, if we’re only running this into the ground. What’s this, you ask. I leave the door ajar.

On the morning of your trip, we’re having breakfast when George looks out the window and says the garden needs seeing to. He’s right - the grass needs cutting, the weeds need weeding but for a moment I watch the dandelions toss their heads in the wind. And then you’re gone, along with half my hyper heart, leaving me alone with half-formed images of soil, rich and dark, burying what’s left of me. Oh darling, I wanted to write, I fear it is the future I hear calling, and I fear that it is from no further than our garden. That night, I forget to sleep. I sit at the kitchen table just like I did in the morning, and continue watching their ghostly heads sway in a nonexistent breeze. I dream of you, miles away from me, and I humour myself by thinking you can feel the disease rotting away at my heart. It is some dream that you float back home, back to me, on a cloud of hope and contentment. It is some dream that I can make you happy.

I hold you close to my chest when my throat is raw, clutching you desperately like a promise for salvation. You tell me I'm hallucinating, and press a cold pack to my head, and I'm too weak to explain myself. I’m terrible and you don’t know half of it. You yell at me, wrap up my scrapes, and make my tea something bitter awful, and you still don’t know. You sit there at the corner of the table with your pencils, colouring something happy, and you don’t know that you make me half decent.

Every day, I hold you like water in my hands. You are forever slipping away and there is nothing I can do about it. I am no anchor, but rather the rough seas which capsize any hope for freedom from calamity.

There is the sweet, and there is the sour. There is the good, and there is the bad. I take them both. I take it with your palm slotted against mine, grimacing, like a bitter vitamin. I take it all. Just keep your fingers laced with mine.

Maybe love is the brew you use to irrigate my system when you get too sick of my cough. Or, maybe, love is you, and not your tea.

TAGLIST: @dangelnleif @elenianag080 @snoopyluver20 @ell0ra-br3kk3r @avdiobliss @mitskiswift99 @ahead-fullofdreams @mischivana @houseoftwistedspirits

[theonceandfuturequeenoftarts]

Thank you for the tag, @mosiva! ♡♡♡

"Self-rec time! What are your favorite five fics that you've written and why? After replying to this ask, feel free to pass on to five other writers to spread the love. 💗"

Four of these were easy choices and one was trickier, but in no particular order...

thrown into the nest (T, 10,565 words, WIP)

This fic possessed me. The first chapter took over my entire life for ten hours during which I came up with and wrote the whole thing -- I couldn't stop until it was done and posted. Two or three days later, the same thing happened with the second chapter. It's like I was exorcising demons into a doc file. It's also notable because maybe a week or two before I wrote it, I told a friend I would never write ABO fic. More fool me.

I love this fic because it drew together so many ace people -- I've never felt a greater sense of community than I did in the hours after this fic was posted, seeing the comments of people who saw themselves in Harry and Tom's experiences. It blew me away, and I felt so happy to have done justice to some small part of the ace experience. It was a different type of joy, and a bit more cathartic, to write compared to other fics of mine.

VII (M, 2,609 words)

I think I've said it before, but I honestly thought this would be one of those weird little fics that I wrote for myself and maybe five other people would like. It's grown beyond what I originally meant it to be, and while I really, really love the sequel too, this one holds my heart. It's disjointed and dark (for me), and it's one of the few that I've written that actually has Harry and Voldemort start out hating each other and move through it. (What can I say, I mainly write crack and fluff.) They're both feral and damaged and violent and cling to each other all the tighter for it by the end. I also like making the Unspeakables ethically (and morally) dubious and research-obsessed, and this was my first foray into that.

naïve melody (G, 2,904 words)

The Ferris wheel fic; another fic that I thought maybe five other people would enjoy. I'm still proud of the wistful tone it has, and some of the turns of phrase, despite the crack-tastic premise. It's sweet and silly and it makes me feel warm to re-read it. It might also be my favourite Voldemort characterisation of all the fics I've written.

engrave the silhouette of you (M, 10,480 words, WIP)

Look... I just like hurting them, okay? I used the "angst with a happy ending" tag because I need everyone (myself included) to know it's gonna be alright in the end. I have made myself a crying mess multiple times in the course of writing or plotting out this fic. This is very much a "how would the characters react in this situation if X happened?" fic that has grown legs. It's fun (and painful) to put myself in Harry and Voldemort's headspaces and then put us all through the emotional meat-grinder. But it's going to be fine. Eventually.

Capsized (M, 948 words)

Fun, not-previously-shared fact: this fic started out as a way for me to process my maladaptive daydreams and suicidal ideations through Harry. All of the things he imagines or considers are things that I have, as well. (This makes the one comment that says "MAKE HIM SUFFER YASSSS" really, really funny to me.) I wasn't sure if I would ever post it -- it took me five months to decide to do it, because it's extremely personal. But it felt good to put it all into words and make it... "pretty," I guess? It's probably as raw as I can make it while also trying to fit it into the HP world and have it be enjoyable to read.

(Honourable mention goes to Prompt-ober 2023, because it almost killed me to do it, but it was so much fun to write everyday for a month and have the same folks comment each day and chat with them throughout the month (I love you all ♡♡♡). However, that's like twenty-five different fics in one, so it doesn't count.)

Tagging @liquidluckandstuff, @i-dream-of-libraries, @toast-ranger-to-a-stranger, @aglassroseneverfades, and @hikarimeroperiddle

No pressure, do it if it will be a fun distraction! ♡♡♡

(Note: I recently locked my account to registered users only because of an AI scraper targetting Ao3. If you don't have an account and would like to read any of the above, just send me a message and I'll provide a file ♡)

[taylorhawkins]

14 Essential-Listening Taylor Hawkins Tunes

… that aren’t “Cold Day in the Sun”!

1. Pitiful (Taylor Hawkins & the Coattail Riders)

One of his most emotionally raw tracks. I love the strange chords he used on the acoustic guitar to convey the somber depiction of guilt and shame associated with drug addiction described in the lyrics. This is a really painful song to listen to, but it’s beautiful.

2. The Path We’re On (Nighttime Boogie Association)

Matt Cameron and Taylor share vocal duties on this tune (Taylor sings the verses, Matt sings the choruses). Their voices together are pure heaven! Also features Melvins’ Buzz Osbourne snd Steven McDonald on guitar & bass. This group unfortunately only put out 2 songs during the pandemic, but they’re a magical 2.

3. I Could Be Somebody Else (NHC)

Psychedelic in every aspect of that word, this one is best experienced cranked with headphones. Trippy as hell. Dave Navarro was right when he said Taylor is a mind-blowing lyricist and singer. Another emotionally raw tune, when he said one of NHC’s songs makes him feel naked, I think he was referring to this one.

4. Running In Place (Taylor Hawkins & the Coattail Riders)

This song takes you on a journey. It eases you in, then crescendos into classic prog-influenced chaos before it turns to a stream of pretty guitar work and layered vocals as it drops you back off. Taylor said this one was something he wrote talking to himself, trying to bring himself back down to earth and not go crazy. “The Teacher” by Foo Fighters almost certainly took inspiration from this song - the breakdown is nearly identical, and the “…say goodbye” outro is very similar.

5. Too Much for My Own Good (Phil X & the Drills)

This song by Phil X features Taylor on the drums. This is such a fun rock & roll tune that will definitely be stuck in your head for days but you won’t be mad about it. Every person I’ve ever played this to has loved it!! PS- you’ve definitely heard Phil X before, his discography as a studio musician is wild.

6. You Drive Me Insane (Taylor Hawkins & the Coattails Riders)

I love the trippy riff and the vocals in this song, it’s a California rock & roll vibe and it’s one of my top favorites of his. One of his sexier tunes he said was written about Mrs. Alison Hawkins.

7. Southern Belles

No group credited as he played every instrument and sang this one! (I think the bass is either Chris Chaney or Nate Mendel, but I couldn’t find out for sure). This is a heavy-hitting, super catchy one about his southern family roots. Really under-appreciated track from the same EP that gave us “Range Rover Bitch”.

8. Never Enough (Taylor Hawkins and the Coattail Riders)

Taylor’s vocal range doesn’t get talked about enough… The cathartic way he belts his heart out at the end of this song gets me every single time. His voice was so beautiful. Another of that emotionally raw side of his music.

9. It’s Ok Now (Taylor Hawkins and the Coattail Riders)

Another earworm, this one’s rhythm is bound to make you move. His voice is pure rock and roll. I think you can really hear how much his songwriting impacted the Foo Fighters’ music on this album, even though many people think Dave told everyone what to play…when you really listen, that doesn’t seem to be the case. This song feels like summer sunshine to me.

10. Guess I’ll Go Away (Edgar Winter)

Taylor on vocals for “Brother Johnny”, a tribute to Johnny Winter album, this was one of the last things he did musically. He SLAYED that shit. He sounds so good. Rock and fucking roll.

11. Louise (Taylor Hawkins and the Coattail Riders)

I have no idea how he played that drumbeat and sang this song at the same time. Mind boggling. This song is so unique and so catchy, I don’t get why it wasn’t a hit. The rhythm section is my favorite part of the whole thing, Taylor and Chris Chaney locked in together SO well. It’s no wonder they played together from the Alanis days all the way up to him putting the ‘C’ in NHC.

12. Fearless (NHC)

This is a Pink Floyd cover…But it’s an amazing one! It’s groovy and trippy and they’re so locked in together, they were made to play music with each other. NHC unfortunately has a very small discography, otherwise I probably wouldn’t have selected a cover…but maybe I would’ve anyway, this one is just so good!

13. You’re No Good at Life No More (Taylor Hawkins and the Coattail Riders)

Taylor and Dave Grohl split the vocals on this one and it’s such a wild ride. You can really hear his Queen influence throughout this album… so much so that he manifested Roger Taylor’s appearance on the last track! D&T’s voices together are magic as you hear on “Rope” by Foo Fighters and their cover of “Come Together”, I always wish they sang together more often.

14. Perfect Day

Only a minute long, this beautiful song is just Taylor and his guitar. A sweet reminder he wrote for Mrs. Hawkins that his love is always with her no matter where he goes. I’m sure she treasures this one. There’s so much love in it.

[misstrashchan]

Number 7 for the RWBY ask game!

Yang's "I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!! CAN EVERYONE JUST CALM DOWN FOR LIKE FIVE MINUTES BEFORE SOMETHING CRAZY HAPPENS AGAIN!" from V1

No super deep reason why I like this one tbh. Often I just find myself repeating this line either in my head or out loud when I feel overwhelmed and stressed out. Idk I just find it cathartic and it's just a good line of expressing anger and frustration in a humorous way when too much is happening all at once.

"Do you believe in destiny?"

The last words said before her death, carrying Pyrrha's legacy. The way it encapsulates Pyrrha's arc and her struggle with agency and existentialism. The way it continues to haunt the narrative, especially for Cinder and Jaune's characters, makes it one of the most iconic lines of the show.

"This must be really hard on her too"

I have literally written an entire meta on why I love this line.

"Some things are more important, I think. Keeping our humanity."

I absolutely adore the humble and honest defiance Oscar's line has in the face of Ironwood's "we have to do whatever it takes to stop Salem, nothing matters more". It's also really when you see Oscar coming into his own and finding himself, starting to find and assert his own beliefs (...though you can clearly see Ruby's inspiration and influence shining through *gestures to her "so all those times you talked about having faith in humanity... That was just for everyone else?"). Because Oscar is trying to believe in Ironwood's humanity. And in his own, in the face of the merge. He pays for it dearly and yet that belief of his doesn't falter, and we see it again with how he believes in Oz, Hazel and Emerald. And what he says here really is at the heart of what will lead to them saving the day I think, in the same vein as Ruby and Maria's conversation about the Silver Eyes not being about destroying monsters, but preserving humanity and life.

"She's not protecting me. And I'm not protecting her. We're protecting each other"

If Blake and Yang facing against Adam again and holding hands wasn't enough to drive me wild and giddy, this line does. So much growth in Blake and Yang's relationship culminating in their confrontation with Adam, especially with this line. Letting go of matyr complexes, and instead coming together as equals to mutually uplift and support each other, so neither has to suffer alone or feel infantalised or overshadowed as the protector or protected, instead growing beyond that into something stronger and more beautiful, the moment their love truly began to blossom.

"You atlas elites are all the same! you think hoarding power means you'll have it forever, but it just makes the rest of us hungrier. And I refuse to starve."

I love this line for the feral energy it has, the raw drive and ambition Cinder has that it bleeds far past desire and into a need, a desperation. It carries so much weight with it, the foreshadowing for Cinder's backstory as a slave girl trampled and abused by atlas elites, literally starved for food, affection and agency. I really love the way the hunger motif in general is used. On top of that it makes the foiling between Winter and Cinder very apparent

"Without you I am nothing, but because of you I am everything"

Honestly up there as another one of the most iconic lines of the show. It's said in a a moment of rebellion and triumph by Cinder over her abuser, but simultaneously is tragic in how Cinder is essentially defining herself by the abuse and pain she endured. Fully expecting this line to resurface in a moment with Salem, but with the original meaning turned on its head.

"Maybe there was something you just weren't seeing" I also wrote another whole ass meta about why I love this line

also shoutout to Ilia's "Quit taking pot shots and FIGHT ME LIKE YOU MEAN IT!" and "I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO! I don't know what else to do..." purely for Cherami Leigh's brilliant performance in delivering such raw and emotional lines.

Ozpin's fear speech is pretty great too.

There's another line from V9 that's one of my favorites too, but I know you haven't watched V9 yet so I'll tell you that one later :)

[merakiui]

MERA im thinking of purist vil who is taking on a new role, something darker and deeper than usual. But something is missing, he's perfect as always but there is the feeling of lack.

Sensuality. Lust. Craving.

Things vil has never chased due to his ambition and high self perspective. So, he gets things set up. Its easy with his connections- someone private, quiet, no-nonsense. Can do the job without alerting the press.

A whore.

He's progressive enough to not look down on your way of living and you exceed his expectations when he meets you. There's no fanfare or excitement. You're a professional-just like him.

Who else is better to teach him the ways of the body? And maybe, deep inside, he's even thrilled at the thought you receiving his golden virginity and corrupting him.

He may get greedy after a while and soon it makes no sense to take any other customers with how well he pays you. He gave you something precious so shouldn't you return the favor? He won't ask for much. Just bear his child and all is well.

-can i be 👠 anon please?

👠 anon....... this is so good omg,,,, Vil learning more about sex and the intimacy between bodies so that he can better act the role he's meant to play, but then he unintentionally grows too attached and now he's returning to you even after filming has finished. Now it's no longer about the role; he just wants to be closer to you because you're his very first sexual relationship, which part of him hopes will ease into romance. Of course Vil is also doing what he can to make it like that; he won't wait for a miracle. He'll make it happen!

So just let him fuck you raw, let him put a baby in you, let him make you his forever. <3 you'll go as many rounds as possible, with Vil hellbent on knocking you up. After all, it's quite the honor to be able to fuck him and have his child, to peer into a private sliver of his life, to wake up in his arms and see Vil beyond the cameras and the shimmering spotlights. He's blessed your life with such a grand opportunity. You must thank him accordingly, and he'll only accept such thanks if you let him knock you up. But then maybe you're too dazed to think properly and he ends up getting his way hehe.

Vil just doesn't want to let you go. Since he technically wrapped up his role in that film, he doesn't need you to teach him. But he has to have a valid reason to return to you, and like clockwork you're there to accept him. It's a bad habit he's found himself in, but it feels so cathartic to forget all about who and what he is when he's with you. He can just be Vil and you can be yourself.

He will be immensely proud once you start showing. >:) and as he suspected, you're absolutely beautiful when you're pregnant.

[archangeldyke-all]

HELLOOO!!!! this is my first time ever requesting something but I felt like I just had to. Could you possibly write something about sevika and having a girlfriend/significant other that has alot of body hair? Especially on arms if possible. And also if you don't wanna write something like this I completely understand 😋❤️

ooooooh your first request, i'm honored! i'd be happy to :)

just a quick disclaimer! i'm naturally blonde and have very fair body hair, so while i am fuzzy, it's not very noticeable, so if i get anything wrong just lmk! i'd be happy to change it :)

men and minors dni

sevika would love your body hair.

she'd constantly be playing with the hair on your forearms, running her fingers through it, gently scratching against it, swirling it and twirling it and-- on a few occasions--even trying to french braid it

she absolutely adores nuzzling her cheeks and nose against the hair on the inside of your thighs, not even in a sexual way, it just relaxes her. sometimes she'll just make you take your pants off so she can bury your face between your thighs and nuzzle against the patches of hair that decorate your thighs.

if there's any hair you like to remove, whether it's from your brows or armits or legs, she'll help you wax. she won't pull the strips off for you, too scared to hurt you (unless she's angry at you, in which case it's kinda cathartic) but once you remove the strip and your skin is still stinging and raw, she'll swoop in to soothe it with cooling lotion and kisses.

if you ever need help trimming or shaving down there, sevika's always happy to help.

but don't let this fool you, sevika likes you hairy just as much as she likes you hairless. so if you're someone who just lets it all grow-- she'd be obsessed. (sevika loves a big full bushy bush, and if you have a happy trail, be prepared for her to be constantly scratching it and tracing it while she's going down on you. she also likes tugging on it, watching you flinch and glare at her with a smirk.)

if you grow hair in 'unusual' areas (breasts, buttcheeks, neck, fingers, toes, or back) and you ever feel insecure about it, sevika would be the loudest fan of it. she'd be constantly pressing kisses against the little patches of hair, gently swirling her fingers through the little hairs and humming happily.

also if you have knuckle hair? when you guys hold hands sevika's always stroking her thumb over your knuckles, loving the feel of the soft hairs beneath her thumb.

basically, sevika loves your body hair. i think her love language is physical touch, and your hair is just another thing she can mindlessly fiddle with while you guys are together.

taglist!

@lesbeaniegreenie @fyeahnix @sapphicsgirl @half-of-a-gay @ellabslut @thesevi0lentdelights @sexysapphicshopowner @shimtarofstupidity @love-sugarr @chuucanchuucan @222danielaa @badbye666 @femme-historian

[life-on]

But I’m also a little devastated by the news because I was holding onto a tiny sliver of hope?? From how I watch the show, Dennis doesn’t believe he’s worthy of love, he’s not necessarily self aware of how horrible some of the stuff he does is but he sees himself as completely unloveable and that’s what bothers him about Mac so much it’s like how can you love *me* of all people, like Mac’s raw vulnerability scares him and their situation raises the question is it possible for Dennis to accept the love he thinks he doesn’t deserve?? And I very badly need the answer to be yes. So I think that would fall under macdennis becoming canon so that’s out I guess but god how cathartic would that be. I generally dislike fics where Mac has self awareness and emotional intelligence so i definitely wouldn’t want that from him but I need some kind of acknowledgment, you know?? That’s what bothered me a lot DTAMHD, I didn’t hate it but it wasn’t the kind of catharsis I was hoping for. Like Dennis got mad at some people, and was able to control it but I was hoping to see more?? Like can we go further? Honestly it left me very curious as to where they’ll go with him in season 17. Has he managed to get a better handle on his rage? If not, what was the point of that? If so, what new things are we going to see from him? Listen I have a lot of thoughts and worries re: the writers’ room but I generally have full faith in Glenn to write Dennis well. Anyway I’m rambling and projecting and it’s a silly fictional show and everything’s fine and I’ll be fine but oof that stung just a little.

[thegreatimpersonator]

i'm having feelings about the way mental health has been discussed in this album and tbh none of them are good... as someone who was drawn to taylor's lyricism when i first started listening to her i'm only enjoying this album because i like the music production lol i'm straight up ignoring so many lyrics. not that there aren't any good ones it's just that so many of them are making me feel icky. idk i know it's meant to be raw or whatever but so many lyrics sound so unkind when it comes to dealing with mental health issues specifically. what do you think about it, especially since you're majoring in psychology?

This is such an interesting point, because I've been having several thoughts about the way mental health is being discussed in the fandom rn. Right from swifties giggling at the that one interview where she says "I don't need therapy. I'm sane." (as if therapy is only for someone "insane", whatever that is) and joking about the psych ward, taking the asylum and functional alcoholic lyrics in light and lowkey making fun of someone's addiction is just....disgusting? I think taylor tried to be earnest in her portrayal of her struggles but it's getting lost in translation for me, because some of the lyrics seemed to not only imply that her partner's struggles with depression or addiction were a reason for the relationship to fall apart (which is fine, that happens and is an extremely difficult process for both partners) but also point out how it's their fault for not being able to get over those struggles? I keep reiterating that I still haven't played the album in its entirety so it's possible I'm missing a few facts, but there is a very fine line between expressing your mental health issues through art in a way that is cathartic and important to the artist + inspiring to their audience and cherry picking imagery that you find the most "aesthetic" for your art with little concern over how those who actually experience these issues may perceive it + its actual public reception

[nenya85]

hi! im wondering how u feel about the reading that Atem coming back in DSOD ruins the point of his goodbye in the original manga ending

and how Kaiba's final scene with him also seemingly ruins the theme of "letting the dead pass on and moving on" cuz seemingly Yugi moves on (healthy and good!) and Kaiba doesnt (unhealthy and bad!)

i personally dont believe this but im curious what ur take is as a Kaiba head 😭😭😭

I don’t have an argument with how someone else interprets the ending of either the original series or “The Dark Side of Dimensions,” because one of the things that makes Yu-Gi-Oh! so special is that it resonates with people for different reasons.  I support people interpreting the story in the way that is most meaningful to them.  So, I’d rather focus on how I see both the series and DSoD.

The themes in Yu-Gi-Oh! that I really loved were its emphasis on the value of friendship and that it was okay to ask your friends for help, the importance of finding connection, even when it takes the form of rivalry and dueling, and the value of holding on to your life chip above all else. I loved the way Kaiba continually reexamines his own opposition to these themes and the even more destructive one that losers deserve death.  I also love the way, especially in Kaiba’s duel with Isis, the series explored both fate and the belief that it’s up to each of us to create our own destinies and I adored I how Yu-Gi-Oh! explored the effects of loss, abandonment and abuse through Kaiba and the other characters.    

The theme that the dead need to move on was not the theme I was watching Yu-Gi-Oh! for, so I was much less emotionally invested in watching that theme play out as the dominant one in the Ceremonial Duel.  For me, “The Dark Side of Dimensions” was a return to the themes of friendship and the effects of loss that I loved about the original series.

While DSoD does show different models of grieving, I really like how, especially in the original subtitled movie, it is very non-judgmental, rather than dividing it into Yugi = good and Kaiba = bad.  Instead, DSoD focused on how people deal with grief.  Yugi is trying to manage his grief in a way that is most considerate for his friends – never mentioning Atem to them, even when Jounouchi encourages him to talk about it.  I think it’s worth noting that Yugi had already achieved a measure of closure through the Ceremonial Duel, something Kaiba never got to have. 

In contrast, Kaiba not only fails the course in Socially Acceptable Ways to Grieve 101, he marches into the classroom, rips up the final exam and sets it on fire for good measure before turning over a table or two on his way out.  I found this really cathartic, because Kaiba was expressing the raw edge of grief and the movie treated this as real and gave even the harshness and ugliness of his feelings genuine emotional weight and validity. 

I also loved that given a choice between enforcing a pop culture version of the six stages of grief and pure wish fulfillment, DSoD doubles down on the side of wish fulfillment.  In real life we must struggle our way towards acceptance of loss because there is no other option.  Here, DSoD is giving wings (or a dimensional cannon) to our own secret desires to see our lost loved ones again, even if only for the length of time it takes to duel.  I love that DSoD narratively rewards Kaiba for his desire for friendship by letting him see Atem and having Atem smile back. I honestly found that lovely, very moving and ultimately healing. 

Kaiba is chasing connection through the medium of a duel throughout the movie.  And I can’t think of a more fitting ending for a Yu-Gi-Oh! movie than an affirmation that the of the power of unity is the most important thing in this – or any – dimension.

[evansbby]

GIRLIE GIRLIE GIRLIE LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN. I HAVE AN IDEA FOR A REQUEST.

[Its also 03:57AM and I’m crying my eyes out, so I might regret this when I woke up lolllll]

Hear me out, hear me out, hear me out. See the visionnnnn. So, this is my request:

Sugar daddy!Ari AU. This is a little after the reader becomes his girlfriend. The reader hasn’t really gotten it into her head that she’s not just his sugar baby, but she’s his love, so she tends to hide her feelings and pain and raw emotions from him because she wants to sort of keep up the image of her being his sexy personal nymphomaniac because she thinks he’ll leave if she’s real with him.

So let’s say, something happened. Maybe an argument with her terrible family or her shitty friends gossip about her or she’s burnt out from taking care of others or someone shames her for something, idk, you’re the author, you decide what happens, but anyways.

Something happens that made her extremely sad and miserable, but she’s trying to hide her feelings from Ari, she pretends everything is fine (it’s not lol), she’s acting a little weird cos she’s trying to keep up appearances so that he won’t dismiss and discard her, etc. But Ari, being her daddy and the smart motherfucker he is, knows that something is wrong with his precious girl.

So basically, shit goes down with her and Ari and he soft doms her (maybe a little hard dom too) and comforts her and reassures her that she’s his girl and not just a plaything and all that lovey dovey shit. Oh, and aftercare lol! Only if you want to.

This probably could’ve been said in fewer words, but I’m crying my eyes out and it’s a little cathartic to type this out lol, sorryyyy. Thank youuuu! Love your writing!

Oh I would love to read this 😭😭😭

But you see I’m insane so I need to make it more sad so if I were to write this…

I’d make it so that reader is very insecure and she thinks she’s not good enough to be Ari’s girlfriend (kind of along the lines of what you said) and she thinks she’s only good enough for sex bc she has zero feelings of self worth 🤧🤧🤧 and no matter what Ari says or does to reassure her and uplift her, she just doesn’t believe him😔😔

And she keeps pushing herself away from him, bc she thinks he deserves better bc he’s such a nice guy and it’s not a normal sugar daddy relationship bc Ari doesn’t even expect sex from her (although they do have great amazing perfect sex) but Ari just loves talking to her all night, getting to know her interests, buying her special gifts that match her interests… And reader is overwhelmed bc she’s sooo insecure and she thinks she doesn’t deserve this happiness. She’s scared of letting herself be happy in case Ari “wakes up” one day and realises he can do better and leaves her🥲 (he wouldn’t but she thinks he will).

So then one day she gets so overwhelmed that she breaks up with him impulsively. But we all know what a strong mature wise perfect daddy Ari is, so he’d be like “let’s talk this out” and she bursts into tears and tells him that he deserves better and that she’s broken and she needs to go away so he can start living his life instead of always worrying about her 🥲🥲🥲 and Ari tells her that he’s in love with her and he couldn’t live without her and then they have sex 🥺🥺🥺 where Ari is being a soft dom and sooo perfect and sexy and reader needed this bc she needs him to tell her what to do so she can relax and stop worrying. Her mind never turns off during the day and she’s wracked with insecurities and fear, but with Ari… he lets her mind go blank so she doesn’t need to think, and she feels okay.

But then she’s up all night and Ari is asleep and she watches him and all her insecurities come back and she thinks that he deserves better and he can’t spend his whole life with her as a burden just bc she’s so insecure all the time 🥲🥲

So she leaves… without a note or a phone call or anything. In fact, she moves far away to live with a distant relative and deletes her social media. Ari calls her and texts her every single day, begging her to pick up or come back etc and she changes her phone number 🥲🥲🥲 some of her friends tell her that Ari is miserable and he’s still looking for her and waiting for her but she hopes he will move on soon.

Anyways then reader starts working on herself, she gets a job in an industry she likes and she makes some new friends. She starts seeing a therapist and slowly, bit by bit, her confidence starts to grow. She realises she deserves love as much as anyone else does. And she misses Ari so much bc he really was the love of her life 🥹🥹 it’s been a whole year now and one day she decides she wants to see him again. She wants to try again and hopefully he’d be open to getting back together with her.

She shows up at his door with Chinese takeaway (their favourite meal they’d have together) and Ari answers the door and he’s shocked to see her. And she says she thinks she’s all whole again, she thinks she’s fixed and she’d like to give it a try with him once more. And she got food 🍲

But then she looks beyond his shoulder and sees another girl. And Chinese takeaway already on the table. He’s moved on. She’s heartbroken. But she smiles and tells him she’s happy for him. He tries to stop her but she leaves.

THE END 😭😭😭😭

[zepskies]

Hey, Zep! Any advice on writing a good kiss scene? (Totally not for upcoming chapters or fanfics or whatever and I’m procrastinating and possibly hyperventilating-)

But yeah. Any tips and/or tricks?

Hey there!

Oooh, what a great question. 😉 (Aww, don't worry, this is the fun part! lol ❤️)

So when it comes to any kind of romance scene, it has to do with the buildup. Where is the couple at this point? Is it desperation, longing and yearning, hurt/comfort, pure fluff and sweetness, raw, dirty, gritty desire, or a combination of these things?

And when they come together for that moment, is there a bit of hesitation, or even fear -- the idea that once they do this, there's no going back to the way it was before? Is the kiss tentative and sweet, chaste at first, or hungry and devouring from the onset?

Anticipation is also a big part of the first kiss especially. It's the culmination of a "will they, won't they," and it's a cathartic moment for a romance.

A kiss can start out small, just a meeting of lips. It can lead to more, as passion builds. You want to think of what emotions are driving each of them -- what defines their connection and chemistry, and this need to be together physically.

Word choice here can also be very important in how to convey passion, because again, "passion" can be expressed in different ways. To help figure this out, I try to visualize a scene in my head like a movie, down to the:

Setting: Are they out in the open? Is there the threat of getting caught? Are they in the privacy of a bedroom, in the kitchen, couch, potentially knocking things about? lol

Character "Blocking": The characters' physical movements in the scene, like the placement of hands, head tilting, movements of lips, teeth, tongue, bodies pressing, hand brushing the cheek, holding the hips or waist, hands cradling/caressing their partner’s face, hands slipping under layers of clothing, fingers tangling in the hair, gripping, pulling, or soothing, etc.). And of course, where on the body their partner is kissing, if they migrate from the lips after a while. 😏

Internal Thoughts: "God, should we really be doing this?" vs. "Freakin' finally," etc. 😂

Dialogue: Potentially breaks up the "action." Quipping remarks, teasing, heartfelt romantic words, sexy/dirty talk, etc. But sometimes there's no time for words, if you catch my drift. 😉

The Emotions: The key to what's driving each of them throughout the scene.

Taking these into account (in my experience) can help you create a unique romantic scene. ❤️❤️

Thanks for the question, lovely. Let me know if this helps! 🫡

[anderperrylover]

THOUGHTS? DEAD POET'S SOCIETY EDITION

Just thoughts I wanted to get out there

So Dead Poet's Society? Right? Now that I think of it was a film that came out when my dad was in his like late teens (technically he was around the same age as some of the cast). And somehow this film - made and released during their time has been one that resonated with the next generation? I am looking at the film and thinking, and I couldn't help but wonder.

I am not talking specifically about the aesthetic or anything but namely how this one film was definitely not made for my demographic. However - 35 or so years later I read a post here or come across a playlist or an edit or a series of head canons - I see how much this single film has impacted generations who came after.

I relate to this film on a very personal level (put the shipping factors aside). I remember watching scenes with Neil and I could almost recall having similar conversations in life and I had to take a step back and think as to why I wanted to block this film out for a while. I resonated with Todd as a writer but also as someone who had a very similar experience (shy - lack of confidence - but one who found their people). Other than that there were relationships within the story that made me look back at the ones I have and had and all that I am grateful for.

Also as a coming of age film I feel like it is one of the most realistic ones out there. The themes and the extremely bittersweet ending are raw and it hit me like a pile of bricks. The fact that they fell apart because of the things they loved - the heart of the group not being there made things drift apart - and those dreamers and poets who speak out are the ones to leave behind a deeply flawed system (and the cause and reason and leaving is depicted in extremely sad ways - they might give up on everything - or be kicked out for what they believed in - or carry extreme guilt for the rest of their lives) - There are those who fall in love and the ones that betray you and all of that can happen in just a few month. Things that took years to build like friendships and fellowships can crumble because of something external and all you believed in might not fix that.

(Also something weird just jog my memory if I am wrong but throughout the film these three use O Captain, My Captain - and its all in important moments - The last one to use it is Todd - Which I just think just captures his growth - he's taken up the confidence brought by two of his closest friends and a teacher who changed his life for at least a small fraction in time)

I had a few teachers in my life like Keating. They are the reason I never gave up on writing or doing things I love. They gave me reason to believe that I had something small I could put to use - I had a teacher who taught me at 14 who told me to never give up writing and another teacher who told me to continue writing poetry - another who showed to me that I should continue to fall in love with reading - another who showed me that the world was beyond the academics (as I studied classics - it was far more than that cookie cutter stereotype) - Also Keating as a teacher who actually listens - who is there to guide and help the boxes that literally hold students in uniformity

I don't know why - and how a film from the past can have such an impact on me in the 21st century - Very few films have impacted me in this manner and most of the films that have impacted me in that way were released in my lifetime. That being said I think myself lucky to have this to go back to. The film is a cathartic ritual of living, laughing in the moment and weeping and crying afterwards.