#this is so obscure and niche I'm actually losing it

[milolovesbmc]

Gruesome Playground Injuries except House is Doug's doctor. That's it. That's the post

[ravespect0r]

Idrc about vsynth fans acting pretentious but I think they first have to beat me in a pretentious one-off before acting the way they do. "ohhhh I hate newgen teto fans because they only care about the new popular songs and the memes they don't know any old or obscure songs" ok quick. name two teto-centric or at least utau-centric producers that debuted in the old era but no mimirobop, gojimajip, death ohagi, hario, inaphon, k*****a or anyone who only made covers and/or parodies

[nightshadehoney]

I never watched James Somerton's shitty Killing Stalking video because I was trying to be good to myself and avoid something that I knew would make me very angry. In fact, I never watched any of his stuff because the fact that he made a video like that was enough to discount any thing he ever had to say (also I heard about the Celluloid Closet plagiarism).

But man, is the James Somerton discourse bringing a lot of Killing Stalking-related feelings back up for me. Because I'm mad; I'm still so mad. There are a suprising amount of people on social media who are saying they never watched any of his stuff except for the Killing Stalking video. I'm annoyed not just to find out that the vid had that sort of reach and influence, but also because Somerton's unmasking hasn't seemed to make people reasses the validity of the kind of thing he was saying. People are just now being like "hmm I think this guy might have Issues With Women" but that doesn't warrant any reflection on what exactly the motivation is of people who complain about women enjoying a niche webcomic? Because I don't actually believe you're concerned about the influence of some obscure piece of media when you advertise its existence to your large audience many of whom had not heard of it and would never have heard of it but for your transparent outrage porn video. It's rage bait and the target was women that are perceived as straight. A big channel has publicized the fact that they excised a section that endorsed the opinions in this video from their own because they became aware of Somerton's plagiarism and dishonesty (presumably; if it was actually because they recognized his views were coming from a sexist place I would welcome a clarification). And you know, I don't think that's a good look actually. That you needed to be told he was a bad person and couldn't idependently put together that the misogynist man was saying misogynist things.

The comic ended years ago and the fandom has gone mostly quiet, but to this day people are still the peddling the"fujoshi/stupid teenage girls who don't know what's good for them are shipping these characters because they are too braindead to realize it's not a romance; it's a horror, two things I believe are mutually exclusive. I am smarter than all of these cringe degenerates" bullshit. It's in the comments of the hbomberguy video even; one comment was such a gross misrepresentation of the series that my friend needed to talk me down from getting into a pointless youtube comments argument (bless him) because these people are officially making me lose my marbles.

This narrative is full of shit, it's demonstrably not fucking true. You can go on the artist's twitter right now and its full of her retweeting shippy fanart of that pairing readers were apparently never intended to ship.

(I don't think Koogi knows or cares about James Somerton; she just reblogs the works of fans who tag her. This made me laugh though).

Now this is all speculation because he died decades before social media existed, but I think if Nabokov was alive today his twitter would not be full of Humbert Humbert x Dolores Haze fanart. And yet, I have unironically seen people compare shipping Sangwoo and Bum in Killing Stalking with the misreading of Lolita as a precocious sexual temptress more than once.

And this isn't me saying that Killing Stalking is the disgusting"pro-sexualized abuse" comic that tumblr purity police used to characterize it as either. One of these days I'm going to go truly bonkers and end up banging pots and pans on the street corner, yelling at random innocent passerbys about how stories about romantic and sexual relationships are not required to be Hallmark movies. You can make art about the negative, dark, and troubling parts of these feelings and relationships without creating a pat morality tale. You don't need to approach media analysis like your 7th grade teacher has assigned you an essay on explaining what a novel's "message" is.

Nobody, not the author and not the fans, genuinely thinks that Sangwoo and Bum have a healthy or aspirational relationship. This hypothetical person that does not understand the relationship is toxic doesn't exist. Because girls and women, even the ones having cringey fandom fun on tiktok or whatever, are not so stupid and naive that they are unware that breaking someone's legs and locking them in a muder basement is bad. The type of concern troll rhetoric Somerton employed in his video is directed near exclusively at women interested in men and there's a reason for this. Women are not responsible for abuse that men do to them; nobody is responsible for their partner abusing them. If I never saw people spit this bullshit again it would be too soon.

[jesncin]

Honestly, you are like the most based person ever. A Martian Manhunter fan and a MAWS critic? F YEAH!

I'm so disappointed with MAWS' Lois :( Her romance with Clark could've been so good. SO GOOD. But they decided to go for fan service instead. She just gives off Lena (from cwsg) vibes and that's never a good thing.

Speaking of Supergirl, what's your opinion on the show? And on the show's portrait of J'onn. It baffles me how much hate the show got for the same things fans are willing to overlook now on MAWS. Aren't those some double standards, geez...

Aw shucks thank you! 2 incredibly niche but based things to be...

Sob! Call it the ace in me but whenever people think MAWS!Clois have chemistry because they're easily amused by seeing hot characters undress I lose life force. I didn't witness a couple that grew mutual respect and affection, I saw an insta-crush that led to Lois becoming so entitled to a guy she'd known for less than a week to the point of demanding full transparency of his private life before they even started dating. And then the narrative says it's Clark's fault for having reasonable boundaries, and then they're a couple. What is this.

I've briefly talked about CW Supergirl before, but my takeaway is: if people think MAWS is genuinely good writing then they should absolutely watch CW Supergirl because it must look like high art in comparison to MAWS. Maybe people are less judgy when something's animated and that's not fair. If we want to take animation as a serious medium we should hold it to the same standard and not coddle it. As someone who watched a few eps when CW Supergirl aired and then revisited and watched the whole thing years after the show concluded, I feel that the misogyny surrounding people's discourse around the show has led to people judging the show based on a fanon idea of it rather than its own merits.

more under the cut!

CW Supergirl is a show with great highs and lows. This results in things being hit or miss. But when something hits- CW Supergirl is not given nearly enough credit as it deserves. As a Martian Manhunter fan, I believe that their take on J'onn is the most competent and well adapted in not just adapted media, but all of comics canon. That doesn't mean I like everything they did with his lore and character, but I can acknowledge that they actually bothered developing him outside of the comics/cartoon's fixation with making him mope about his Origin Story all the time. He gets to find love, have adopted daughters through Kara and Alex, reckon with what it's like to preserve aspects of a culture he doesn't fully identify with, deal with his dad going through Martian Alzheimer's disease, and most importantly MAKE PEACE WITH HIS BROTHER. CW Supergirl has hands down, the best take on Ma'alefa'ak in all of canon.

I think Lena is a great character on the show. She's dealing with the trauma of being constantly manipulated by her own family, the legacy her name carries and who she is in all that. But because the supercorp ship permeates the way people perceive the show, she's reduced to that by discourse. When Lena has drama over Kara's secret Superhero identity, it's something that's built up to and informed by trauma, trust-issues, and TIME. We are shown that she has these problems. It gets melodramatic at times, but it's still something that was built up to. Meanwhile in MAWS Lois just tells us she has daddy issues and that it's why she really needs the cute guy at work to spill all his personal info to her even though she gets to lie to him for her own personal gain multiple times. I appreciate what CW Supergirl did to bring more attention to what was an obscure character. Whenever I bump into Lena in the comics, it hasn't stacked up to the character I met on the show.

I've called this out before but while CW Supergirl isn't perfect by any means especially with their treatment of Jimmy Olsen as a love interest to Kara and a generally sidelined Black supporting character, they still discussed and acknowledged Jimmy's identity as a Black American man! Sure it was heavy handed many times, but that's way better than MAWS straight up ignoring Jimmy's Blackness and even making an unintentional jab at it!! Like cw Supergirl Jimmy knows bigotry and has experienced it. MAWS Jimmy thinks bigotry is being ghosted for a camping trip. I have seen the exact same critics call out cw Supergirl for Jimmy's treatment while gleefully thinking Jimmy's treatment in MAWS is so uwu perfect. It makes me sick! Am I going insane?? It's the double standards for me.

[zannolin]

fic author q&a

tagged by @beautyofsorrow <3

why do you write fanfic?

short answer, because i love it and it makes me happy. longer answer, still that. but it makes other people happy too, sometimes, and especially as i am often writing for nicher series/pairings/dynamics/etc, i love knowing that someday if anyone else likes this obscure silly thing, they can go looking for fic about it and mine will be there waiting for them. also i am immensely unhappy when i'm not writing. i don't think i could live without it. and writing fanfic is fulfilling to me in a way that original work often is not, largely because of the community aspect and the low pressure for it to be marketable or revised or support me as a person or an artist tbh.

which of your posted stories do you think of the most even though the story is "finished"?

mmm tough call. the fey au in the sense that it's the world and plot i am proudest of craft-wise. i worked really hard and i think you can see that it paid off. but other than that i think... i think it might have to be please don't hold me to it right now. because i did it just how i wanted. in a way it's like what my boys in bars series was trying to be but didn't quite reach on the friendship level i think.

if you could give yourself fic advice from when you first started writing fic, what would that advice be?

just let yourself write what you want, how you want. you can have flowery prose. you can be weird and vague and metaphorical. you can just write about friends, i promise. and stop looking at your fucking stats.

what's your relationship to fic stats?

well. i think above answers that one lol. i've blocked my ao3 stats. i cannot see hit or kudos or bookmark counts on ANY fics. + i've gotten much better about not expecting anything especially by writing highly niche stuff.

is there a pairing or scenario or friendship that you miss writing? if so, why? if not, why not?

ehhh. the shazamily, to an extent. the shazam fandom is lovely because so many of us are writing family/friendship centric works and that's if not the norm, at least MUCH more common than in other fandoms that i've been in, and i miss that because at heart, i'm a genficcer. i'm a friendshipper. i love platonic and ambiguous relationships so much. so i miss that, but for the most part, i'm actually okay with not writing anything i used to write. that's okay.

what motivates you to write?

i WILL lose my mind if i don't. i can't even elaborate past that like i'll just go bonkers.

why do you write for the fandom(s) you write for?

because i am sick and ill and dying from brainrot and nobody is writing the highly specific content that i crave in the way that i crave it. sometimes there's nothing for the fandom at all, and SOMEBODY's gotta be the change. mostly i'm just like hyperfixated and losing it.

if you're stuck writing a WIP, what do you do?

take a break. do other things like jigsaw puzzles and taking walks and reading books. listening to phoebe bridgers on my floor. the usual. it'll pass. the ideas will come when they're ready.

what do you wish people knew about comments?

a genuine comment is never a bother. NEVER. no author that i have ever met is going to be upset at you for commenting on a fic and saying hey i really loved this!!! or something like that. no matter how old that fic is. no matter if the author has moved on, or put it on anon, or hasn't written fanfiction in years. it is never, ever a bother. when i get a comment on a fic that i didn't JUST post, i rejoice. i lie on my floor and i think about how incredible it is that people are still finding, reading, and loving something that i wrote, no matter how bad i think it is now that i've grown into a different person. i have coasted for WEEKS on the fact that someone left me a comment saying i loved this and here's my favorite part. here's why. this made me cry. this made me smile. this reminded me of my best friend. this is how it feels, really, you got it. any of that. all of it. sometimes a fic is me going "is this crazy??" and a comment is someone saying "no, no, it's not, i see it". a comment that takes like two minutes to type can matter for two years just by being like, hey, this mattered to me. plus like 90% of my friendships online have been founded on the basis of commenting on fanfic so you know, rave reviews from me.

maybe there's a question you wish had been on here. what's that question (and answer)? -> is there a fic and/or author who is doing what you want to be doing with your own writing? who/what?

i can yap all day about inspirations but lately, i am haunted by love me on purpose by smoosnoom in terms of themes, emotions, and pure aching; @thcscus in sheer technicality and prose; the pacing, metaphor, and tone in there's daggers in men's smiles, @beautyofsorrow's sensory work in literally Every fic ever + her fic for the barbie zine none of you losers get to read yet; and @blusandbirds' ability to capture visceral emotion so damn vividly and succinctly.

tagging @blusandbirds @transjlawrence @lordgrimwing @pinkgrapefloyd!

[zincbot]

AWWW THIS IS SO SWEET

i had no such qualms and reblogged it with all my might BUT! I have like 4 active followers so! net nothing

Copper King is really good i've been really enjoying using this tournament to discover new music. so glad you already know the extra lens i see so little abt them online and like.. The Mountain Goats are popular (obviously some of the discography more so) but The Extra Lens is so slept on. Nothing Painted Blue is also slept on In My Opinion, and The Extra Lens is such a nice marrying of indie styles aaugh.

no but no but when I submitted The Extra Lens I wanted to make sure I kept them seperate from The Mountain Goats. Because while tmg fans would almost definitely enjoy their music, I feel like the other half of the band wouldn't get as appreciated. I think despite the tell vocal style, The Extra Lens can well stand on its own merit and I wanted to showcase that to people looking for a new niche band to listen to!

ANYWAY SORRY this is sweet you're sweet Copper King is sweet. I'm glad I made it past round 1, basically solo repping my band- As dramatic as missing the submission window over and over was, I'm just happy I got in.

ANYWAY. AS MY FINAL MESSAGE. LISTEN TO COPPER KING, AND

LISTEN TO THE EXTRA LENS.

Things said about Copper King: we met on tumblr in 2013 and the first time i heard them sing i knew it was only a matter of time before their music joined the ranks of widely beloved indie classics. it’s been almost a decade since then and that time has yet to come but the amount of growth in their craft has done nothing to deter my certainty that they have whatever “it” factor there is out there found only in stars. their lyricism, their voice, the instrumental parts of each song—i’m not the smartest about music but it’s like everything they do is crafted with magic. their song cavity has been my #1 spotify song every year since it came out and the only thing that’ll ever dethrone it is a song that’s currently only availible on patreon. their voice is like a spell that dissolves anxiety and stress. i saw a video of them performing at a college party once, in a crowded room, conversation ongoing between most of the people there; as soon as they started singing, it’s like the room had been enchanted, nobody able to do anything but pay attention to their performance. also, that’s my best friend in the entire world and i love them so much. (@inncarnate)

Beautiful vocals and interesting composition

Listen to one of their songs here: https://open.spotify.com/album/0RKDkD8NYeYGcscvTVJ88A?si=WE3EZ-l_SXunzQSp5ZM6EQ&context=spotify%3Aalbum%3A0RKDkD8NYeYGcscvTVJ88A, https://copperking.bandcamp.com/track/cavity, https://youtu.be/kk-x-pm7GRo

[deceitfuldevil]

1k Follower Sleepover Celebration!

Some may argue that 1,000 is not that large of a number, but I implore you to look up what 1,000 people in a room look like; and you’ll be as dumbfounded as me. I cannot believe that now over 1,000 real people follow me. I will not lie, I have always thought very little of myself and my writing. So hitting 1,000 followers is a milestone like no other to me, and I can’t begin to think of the right words to say to express how grateful and happy I am for each and every one of you for supporting me. Me and my weird, strange, obscure, and niche work. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I love you all.

Now for what everyone actually wants to read, no more sentimental blubbering for now.

I basically want to put out as many fics, drabbles, and headcanons as possible. So here are 100 different prompts for requesting! 33 smut, 33 fluff, and 33 angst. (1 extra for creating your own prompt to request!) The sleepover begins today, 2/16/23 (12:00pmCST) and ends 2/23/23 (11:59pmCST). 

Smut:

“Never tease me like that again”

“Touch me and you lose”

“You don't have to be so shy around me, you know?”

“You don’t have to be gentle with me, I don’t break easily.”

“You keep acting like a little brat and I’ll take you over my knee right here, I don’t care how many people are watching.”

“I’m not going to touch you unless you beg.”

“You can't tease me like that and expect not to be punished.”

“You look a bit tied up, want me to come back later?”

"You can give me another one, can't you baby? for me, please?"

“You better shut that pretty little mouth before I put it to work, love.”

"Cry all you want… I'm starting to think you're enjoying this."

“Don’t give me that look”

“The only way you’re getting off is on my thigh”

“Why don’t we film it?”

“I'm going to ruin you.”

“Do you think of me when you touch yourself?”

"What's the matter, love? you get nervous when i look at you like this?"

“I thought you said you were going to be good for me?”

“It hurts!” . . . “Good.”

"I know you're mad and all, but I just wanna bend you over the desk right now."

“Aw baby why didn’t you tell me, I could’ve helped you”  

 “Gonna fuck you until the only word you remember is my name.”

“Don’t tell me you’re feeling short of breath now”

“No, I’m the one that’s supposed to be making you feel good.”

“Yeah? you like being treated as a doll, don't you?”

“You aren't the innocent little angel everyone thinks you are, are you?”

“I'll stuff you so full you'll be leaking my cum for days.”

“Show me where you want me.”

“I wanna rip that dress off you.” . . . “Only if you buy me a new one.” . . . “Deal.”

“You want to come?” . . . “Y-yes, I— please—” . . . “Hm, but do you really deserve to?” 

“Stop fucking teasing me and get to it already.” 

“Th-There are people outside this door—” . . . “Well, this isn’t about them, is it?” 

“I don’t like people touching what’s mine.”

Fluff:

“Just to clarify: me holding your hand doesn’t, like, mean anything, by the way. not in that way, at least. unless you want it to mean something. I don't mind. That's cool.”

“Come taste! Tell me if I need to add anything.”

“Why can’t we stay here forever?”

“My lipgloss is all over your lips.”

“That's the first time I've ever seen you smile.”

“You canceled plans for me?”

“Quick, kiss me!”

“That's the sixth time you’ve complimented me today.”

“How mad would you be if I kissed you?”

“It’s hard to sit here and be close to you and not kiss you.”

“My heart is so full of you I can hardly call it my own.”

"I heard what you said...no one's ever talked about me that way before.."

“Here's a spare key so you don’t have to keep coming in through the window.”

“As much as I’d like to stay in bed with you, I have breakfast to make for the two of us.” 

“Not that I'm not enjoying being used as your pillow, but I think we’d be more comfortable in bed.”

“It’s always been you, and it will always be you. Please never forget that.” 

 “Aw, sweetheart you know you don’t have to ask...come here.”

“Your cheeks are really soft.” . . . “Stop squishing them!” 

“How much lipstick is smeared on my lips right now?”

“Wherever you want to go, I promise I'll be with you every step of the way.”

“Is it the alcohol or are your eyes always this pretty”

“Never pegged you for a horny drunk”

“Can you wash my hair for me?” 

“You sent me inappropriate pictures. . . when I was out in public” 

“Can I sit on your lap?” 

“I had a nightmare…”

“Should we make it official?” (I’m thinking Vegas?)

"Should I stop talking?" . . . "Don't, your voice is very soothing"

"Do you want me to carry you?"

"Thank you" . . . "For what?" . . . "For coming into my life"

"C-can you... hold me for a while?" "Of course."

“Is that... my shirt that you're wearing?”

“gods, you're such an idiot.” . . . “and yet, you still love me that way.”

Angst:

"It would be better if you stayed away from me."

"Do you really want me? Or is this just your way of trying to solve your daddy issues?"

"I am here to tell you that I cannot meet you anymore."

“You always push people away. i just thought you’d never do it to me”

“I know I have a heart because I can feel it breaking”

“I hate the way that I don't hate you.”

“I didn't realize it was such an inconvenience.”

“How many times am I supposed to forgive you?”

“All my friends told me you’d break my heart.”

“How could you let them say that about me?”

“You look happier” . . . “I’m not.”

“You still live in the silence between my thoughts.”

“I am in love with a moment we never had.”

“You didn’t just break promises, you broke me.”

"Don't go on that date." . . . "Why?" . . . "You know why." . . . "Say it."

“I don't even remember why we used to fight so much.”

“Why didn’t you kill me when you had the chance?” 

 “Please, for the love of god, shut up for once.” . . . “Why don’t you come over here and make me?”

“I don't like you. I can barely even tolerate you.” . . . “Then why do you keep coming back?”

“You’re annoying, you know that?”

“I don’t need your permission to do anything.”

“Why is it that whenever we see each other, you’re always covered in blood?”

“Don’t pretend to care about me.”

“Us? There never was an ‘us’.”

“What do you want? Because I could care less.”

“Why are you suddenly coming back into my life after I just started to do better?”

“Do me a favor and never cross my path again.”

“You can’t save everyone you know.”

“Take another step towards me and see what happens.”

“I don’t have the energy to fight you anymore.”

“I’m allowed to move on.”

“You can’t save me and then must walk out!”

“I needed you, I fucking needed you and you weren’t there!”

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE!

ASK TYPES:

🪐 Ask about the author! Ask me anything you want to know about my writing, my personal life, even my favorite (x,y,z)! (these are what I’ll answer stoned) ((see below))

📝 Send in any sort of request from any of the prompt lists at the top, with characters I’ve write for! (Peter Parker, Pietro Maximoff, Baron Helmut Zemo, Druig the Eternal, Matt Murdock, and Valkyrie!) 

🗣 Send me your name and I’ll tell you what I associate with it!

🏹 Ask about one of my WIPs or up-and-coming story ideas and I’ll post a snippet!

+ anything you want to see in this sleepover, just ask!

It’s a good thing tumblr has polls now because now I can ask this: tumblr is a relatively faceless app. . . but would you all care for a face reveal to mark this milestone?

Regardless of the results of the poll, I want to share more about myself with all of you! So what better way to get the most truthful and vulnerable answers than answering asks while stoned? All of 2/22 will be devoted to answering personal asked while high as balls <3

Once again thank you all so much for 1,000 followers, and don't forget to reblog this so my sleepover isn't a total flop lmaooo

Much Love, 

—Skyler

Mutual tags: @mactavishwritings @wannabemurdock @grippingbeskar @galaxysgal @toastybuggy @peterman-spideyparker @yourbucky084

Mutual tags: @mactavishwritings @wannabemurdock @toastybuggy @peterman-spideyparker @yourbucky084 @galaxysgal

Mutual tags:

—Skyler

Mutual tags: @wannabemurdock @peterman-spideyparker @yourbucky084 @mactavishwritings

[myriadium]

Can you tell us more about this au you mentioned?

I WOULD BE HAPPY TO!!! i've always been obsessed with bakugan since literally the single digits (i'm talking kindergarten bro) and i always end up reliving that hyperfixation every year. Naturally, the characters grew up with me, and so i've made a new storyline for who are essentially new characters.

so. mikhail gehabich, a elusive physicist and scientist in russia start getting readings of tears between Earth and a whole new dimension. at the same time, marucho at the fresh age of 14 also discover this, and the two of them get in touch to discuss this strange phenomenon. in an attempt to collect this strange energy emanating from the tears and study it, marucho created a computer system to visualize it. to both nerds' surprise, it turns out that the power was "packed with incredible power from another world" and marucho realizes that the complexity of the energy lends itself well to a card battling anime.

mikhail, who usually has a hard time finding funding or support for his esoteric findings, was suddenly able to study this groundbreaking discovery of a whole 'nother dimension with what seems like real, sentient (?) creatures. he doesn't give a shit about gamers lmao. as such, the two of them work together to decipher and understand the rules of this energy. after several months of work, marucho is ready to release a closed beta. Since it's basically a passion project, he feels weird asking his parents for advertising, so most of the preliminary testing were employees of the marukura conglomerate. afterwards, marucho extended an invitation to the general public as well. for some reason, the dimensional strain is strongest in [SOME RANDOM CITY] in japan, and...arizona? in the depths of the grand canyon? also other places. idk haven't thought about that yet.

since marucho was super sheltered, he posted in kinda obscure game forums to get the word out but lucky him! dan kuso is also a gamer nerd and he frequents those communities often. roping shun with him, the two of them excitedly learn the strategies and techniques in this well fleshed out game (strangely intricate, there's no way a 15 year old planned this all out, right?). Other japanese people also join in, but surprisingly, marucho allows an american (julie, who was on super niche sites to practice jp) to join the server and they also bond.

there are more people in the beta, of course, but shun is the one who really understood the way the game was meant to be played, and by the time marucho asked his parents for support in an international release (which they happily provided him because they see him coming out of his shell), shun climbs the leaderboards startlingly fast and stays there. after a couple months though, he seems to have quit and starts losing places. weird.

also i'm thinking that to play the game you would need a gate card, which converts the vestroian energy around them into a pocket dimension for them to duke it out, and a battle watch, all provided by the marukura conglomerate. yay, capitalism. (bakugan gacha?! /j)

meanwhile, the dimensional energies seem to be getting stronger, and the rips seem to be getting bigger. the day of international release, mikhail goes radio silent. he's disappeared. enter: alice. she obviously notices this and, knowing that he's been studying this mysterious energy with some guy in japan, flies in to see if marucho has any idea what happened to him. coincidentally, that is when masquerade enters japanese servers. weird!

that's the basic premise of the story. i got a lot of small detailed planned out, like how alice's first few days in japan is like, how she meets runo who introduces her to the rest of the team blah blah

i'm actually really happy someone asked this, because i kinda had this thing festering in my head for almost a year now, and i have yet to write any of it down. thinking about writing about it is much more fun than actually writing about it T^T

[moe-broey]

One thing I think about how autism can be (mistakenly) shaved down to just Having Interests You're Passionate About, is like. The huge difference between me and my sister(s) actually. Both of my sisters are avid manga collectors, like, I am not kidding I know at least one of them as a manga count in the 1000s (EDIT: this is true! For one of them. The other has a 2000+ count). I'm specifically also thinking about my sister who's more into video games too. And how for her and myself, both of these things just?? Manifest so differently?

Like yeah she's a collector she has a HUGE collection. Meanwhile, I have always described myself as having "niche" interests -- not as in, my interests are obscure, but as in, they're very few and VERY specific. I'm only actively collecting three series right now (and only two, before Dungeon Meshi). The other two are Toilet Bound Hanako-kun and Devil's Candy. I love stories about ghosts, I love all the creativity that goes into monster designs, and I like them a bit fun and silly! (Of course, with a few heavy/serious emotional beats/themes here and there). And for Dungeon Meshi, I think the setting of my Special Interest (FE) is carrying over, while also having an extremely appealing art style (that's another factor!). Plus, ALL of the creative designs that go into it, from the adventurers to the monsters.

Beyond that, the only other manga I tend to be interested in is queer stuff. And I am a little picky about it! Go For It, Nakamura! is a fun one-shot for me (though I think there might be another one now?), Roadqueen: Eternal Roadtrip to Love is another delightful one-shot, Love Me For Who I Am is one I CANNOT recommend ENOUGH, and also I find autobiographies extremely insightful though I can't do them all the time (one I'd HIGHLY recommend but with trigger warnings is My Lesbian Experience With Loneliness).

I'm. Getting off topic I think LMFAO but. My main point is that, I have a very narrow set of interests, which means my manga collection is very small actually. It can actually be very difficult to get myself to try something New.

Also I'm realizing the video game point got lost, but that one is huge too. The way my sister interacts w her interest in video games is actually Very different than how I do. Same core, we both really enjoy it! And given the time and motivation, she Could write entire essays on what she's most passionate about. Though, this Is harder to place actually -- because on the surface, it's extremely similar, isn't it? Because I can (and do LMFAO), too! The infinite feedback loop is SO FUN.

But I think, maybe the Core difference is. Especially with Fire Emblem, and FEH/Alfonse/Sharena Specifically. That is where my special interest lies, and I am CONSTANTLY. Using both Alfonse and Sharena as proxies to navigate my own thoughts and feelings. To examine them, recontextualize them, and ESPECIALLY to comprehend and study things that don't come naturally to me. It's also just all I'm thinking about 90% of the time. Sometimes to the point where I can't pull myself away or it prevents me from interacting with other things.

LIKE. I AM. LOSING THE POINT A BIT. But I think what I'm trying to express, is that my sisters are far more well-rounded about their interests. And that, while one of my sisters is extremely passionate and interested in video games like I am (honestly thanks to her LMFAOO), it just shows. So differently.

[fnvminorcharacterpoll]

Preliminary Voting Round Masterpost

Hello! This tournament is massive. Very massive. There's somewhere close to 200 named characters in Fallout: New Vegas, but even after disqualifying the characters too important for this poll and eliminating some other characters still, there was more than 150 left. So that's why we're having preliminary voting rounds starting Monday, April 3rd.

[PRELIMINARY VOTING ROUNDS HAVE CONCLUDED]

What is a preliminary voting round?

Preliminary voting rounds ("prelims") are not the FNV Minor Character Poll proper. Prelims are a series of 16 multi-man free-for-all polls that will occur before the tournament itself starts, or is even seeded, where candidate characters with key similarities are grouped together. Only the most popular choice or choices from these free-for-all polls will earn the chance to get seeded in the actual tournament.

What is the point of prelims?

In addition to thinning out the herd, prelims prevent the final bracket from being clogged up by too many characters who don't particularly have a lot that makes them uniquely interesting. We don't need every single officer in the NCR or every single member of the Mojave Brotherhood in the tournament, for example, but some characters who fill the same niche may not be aligned enough in their goals to pair together (for example, Thomas Hildern and Angela Williams are not a paired entrant, but Francine and James Garret are). Many of these characters in the prelims are low seeds already, so these preliminary rounds ensure that only characters who can cross a certain threshold of popularity can get into the tournament in the first place.

So just to be clear, the characters in the prelims are not every single character that's going to be in the actual tournament?

Correct. For example, there are other Powder Ganger characters with guaranteed seeds who are not included in the group of Powder Gangers who need to qualify in a prelim first. However, note that characters that do not qualify in their prelim are guaranteed to not be in the actual tournament. If they lose their prelim, then they've lost before the tournament's even begun!

I thought this was a tournament for unpopular characters?

Not all unpopular characters are equally unpopular, and besides, minor does not equal unpopular, or even necessarily obscure.

What is the structure and schedule of the prelims?

There are sixteen total prelim polls. Each poll will feature anywhere from two to seven characters, and only the highest-voted character or characters will earn a place in the real tournament. In some prelims, only the first winner will move on. In others, the top two or even the top three will earn spots. It depends on the size of the prelim and the type of characters in the prelim. There will be two prelims every day from Monday, April 3rd through Monday, April 10th.

What if there's a tie?

In the event of tied results, I will privately flip a coin (or generate a random number, if it's more than two tied candidates) in real life to determine which of the tied candidates qualify. I know that that's pretty low-tech and anti-climactic, but at this stage of things, It's really not that serious.

What happens after the prelims?

Once all of the prelims have been decided, the victors of the prelims will be added to the tournament seed list, which includes all of the characters that didn't need to go through prelims to qualify. I will then seed the tournament from the highest seed (1) to the lowest seed (104), and the actual tournament will be able to begin once that's done.

How did you determine which characters needed to qualify through prelims, or how to group them together?

It's all subjective. Tournament seeding is always subjective to a degree, and this is just an extension of seeding. I thought that this would be a better idea than just making yet another judgement call of my own, though. Audience participation!

So with all that said, what are the prelim groups?

I'm glad you asked. This list will be updated with the results of each prelim to reveal the winners.

PRELIMINARY VOTING ROUNDS:

1-A: The NCR Office of Science and Industry (April 3, Top 1 Qualifies) —Angela Williams, Researcher at the NCR OSI Eastern Division at Camp McCarran —Thomas Hildern, Director of the NCR OSI Eastern Division at Camp McCarran

1-B: Tops Talent (April 3, Top 2 Qualifies) —Billy Knight, street comedian —Bruce Isaac, runaway club singer from New Reno —Hadrian, ghoulified insult comic —The Lonesome Drifter, wandering country musician

2-A: Battle of the Bartenders (April 4, Top 3 Qualify) —Fitz & Lupe, proprietors of the Grub 'n' Gulp —Francine & James Garret, proprietors of the Atomic Wrangler —Genaro, proprietor of a...food stand in Freeside —Ike, proprietor of the Boulder City Saloon —Lacey, bartender at the Mojave Outpost Barracks —Samuel & Michelle Kerr, proprietors of the 188 Slop & Shop —Trudy, proprietor of the Goodsprings Saloon —Cpl. William Farber, NCR mess officer at Camp McCarran

2-B: Which Boomers are OK? (April 4, Top 2 Qualify) —Argyll, the doctor —Jack, the lovesick one —Lindsay, whose teddy bear is missing —Loyal, the eldest one —Pete, who keeps the story —Raquel, master-at-arms for Nellis AFB.

3-A: Brotherhood Cull (April 5, Top 2 Qualify) —Lars Taggart, Head Scribe —Linda Schuler, Senior Scribe —Lorenzo, Senior Knight —Melissa Watkins, Apprentice —Stanton, Initiate —Torres, Knight and quartermaster

3-B: Doctor Draft (April 5, Top 2 Qualify) —Ada Straus, traveling "doctor" in Novac —Alex Richards, NCR medic at Camp Forlorn Hope —Bert Gunnarsson, ghoulified missionary at Aerotech Office Park —Doc Sawbones, NCR medic at Camp Golf —Doctor Usanagi, Followers surgeon at New Vegas Medical Clinic.

4-A: Enclave Remnants (April 6, Top 2 Qualify) —Cannibal Johnson, former Enclave soldier —Daisy Whitman, former Vertibird pilot —Doc Henry, former Enclave scientist —Judah Kreger, former Enclave captain —Orion Moreno, former Enclave soldier

4-B: Fight of the Fiends (April 6, Top 1 Qualifies) —Cook-Cook, gourmand —Driver Nephi, avid golfer —Motor Runner, statesman —Violet, dog lover

5-A: First Recon (April 7, Top 2 Qualify) —Cpl. Betsy, lady killer. —Sgt. Bitter Root, former Great Khan —Lt. Gorobets, squad leader —Cpl. Sterling, former Ranger and Legion escapee —Ten of Spades, novice and spotter

5-B: Shopkeeper Showdown (April 7, Top 2 Qualify) —Chet, proprietor of the Goodsprings General Store —Clayton Ettienne & Tom Anderson, co-owners of Westside Co-Op —Cliff Briscoe, proprietor of the Dino Dee-Lite Motel —Johnson & Ruby Nash, proprietors of the Mojave Express —Mick & Ralph, proprietors of their eponymous store in Freeside

6-A: Legion Cull (April 8, Top 1 Qualifies) —Canyon-Runner, slavemaster at Cottonwood Cove —Dead Sea, Legion commander at Nelson —Lucullus, ferryman at Cottonwood Cove —Karl, Legion advisor to the Great Khans —Otho, operator of the Legion Arena

6-B: NCR Brass (April 8, Top 2 Qualify) —Dennis Crocker, NCR Ambassador at the NCR Embassy —Maj. Dhatri, NCR officer at Camp McCarran —Cpt. Gilles, commanding officer at Bitter Springs —Col. James Hsu, commanding officer at Camp McCarran —Ranger Jackson, NCR ranger in charge of the Mojave Outpost —Cpt. Marie Pappas, head officer of NCR Military Police —Cpt. Parker, commanding officer at Aerotech Office Park —Maj. Joseph Polatli, commanding officer at Forlorn Hope

7-A: NCR Misfits (April 9, Top 1 Qualifies) —Cpl. Mags, bitter and blonde —Sgt. McCredie, frustrated squad commander —Pvt. O'Hanrahan, sweet ol' farm boy —Pvt. Poindexter, do-nothing know-it-all —Pvt. Razz, who hates everything

7-B: NCRCF Releases (April 9, Top 1 Qualifies) —Carter, Powder Gangers trader —Dawes, door guard of the NCR Correctional Facility —Eddie, leader of the Powder Gangers —Hannigan, medic at the NCR Correctional Facility —Scrambler, enforcer for the Powder Gangers

8-A: The Omertas (April 10, Top 1 Qualifies) —Big Sal, second-in-command of the Omertas —Cachino, opportunistic Omerta lieutenant —Clanden, weapons engineer with, quote, "exotic tastes" —Nero, leader of the Omertas —Troike, arms smuggler and blackmail victim

8-B: The White Glove Society (April 10, Top 1 Qualifies) —Marjorie, anti-cannibalism head of the White Glove Society —Mortimer, pro-cannibalism head of the White Glove Society

[frozenartscapes]

I've always maintained that AI could be a useful TOOL if it is used appropriately and responsibly. No one likes writing little product descriptions for websites, so a chatbot could help get you started. Or how many times has an artist had an idea in their head but just cannot find the reference images needed to get it started? Imaging AI could help create that. But the important thing is that whatever AI produces isn't taken as the final product. It is there to assist, not outcompete. (Especially Art AI, since we're still at that stage where it is blatantly ripping off actual artwork. If artists get in trouble for plagiarizing someone else's work by just reproducing/doing something obviously similar, then that logic should also extend to AI.)

Right now AI is being billed as "the thing that will replace artists" by both sides of the argument. People against AI see it as the ultimate evil, sent out to obliterate creativity as we know it. People for AI see it as a godsend that will not only free up time and money, but will also raise "untalented" people up to the same level as artists who have trained for years in their craft. Both of these thoughts are extremes, yes, however one is maintained by the current ruling class (the bosses, managers, CEOs, etc.) and the other by those immediately affected by the changes - the ones losing their jobs to AI, or being told to use it despite the moral grey area around it. Everyone else falls in the middle somewhere, and unfortunately, the pro-AI side is very good at gently convincing people that it is for the best. It's hard to get people to see the problem when they can immediately benefit from the new system. Because now suddenly everyone can immediately whip up their own artwork, or have a bot write a paper for them. It's like any new technology: it makes their lives easier, so what's the problem?

I'm going to use an example a little closer to our time period: photography. There was a huge push back against digital photography when it was first introduced. Many famous photographers flat out refused to use digital cameras. Film was regarded as the highest standard, while digital was something "lesser" and mundane. Which...is kind of true. Film photography requires a higher skill level. Not just on the developing end, but also in general maintenance, and the actual photo taking. With a digital camera, you've essentially got an infinite number of chances to take the perfect shot. You can fuck up the exposure, or the shutter speed, or the composition any number of times and try again with no consequence. But with film, you've got as many tries as the film you've got with you. If you fuck up, then you've missed the shot. It is an unforgiving hobby if you don't know what you're doing, which is why people actually needed to learn the basics of what makes a good photo.

But that was just shooting raw. Editing is where we really get into the debate. Film could be edited, but that required even more skill. That was limited to only the most professional of photographers - the ones with actual darkrooms and proper knowledge of how different levels of exposure can change the final developed photo. For most people, photo editing and manipulation wasn't possible until a fun little program took over the digital scene: Photoshop.

Photoshop changed everything about photography. And digital art, too. It affected so much it literally became the term for manipulating digital images. You don't say "photo edited" - you say "Photoshopped". Between Photoshop and the constantly improving digital camera market, film photography quickly fell away to obscurity. Of course, film photography is still a thing, but it is not seen as industry standard anymore. It is a niche, a hobby, largely due to its difficult-to-enter nature. Digital photography, on the other hand, is much more accessible. Nearly every camera produced - including the ones from famous film brands like Hasselblad, Leica, Fujifilm, Kodak - is digital. And Photoshop elevated everyone's skills in the editing front.

Photoshop was never created to be a malicious program, designed to put film photographers out of work. It was created to make their lives easier. And the lives of anyone interested in photography. And it does make things easier, again combined with the forgiving nature of digital photography. It was a useful TOOL there to improve people's creativity and expression.

But there were some drawbacks. It was expensive. And it was difficult to use. There was still a learning curve to using Photoshop that limited its effectiveness for some people. And it still does. I went to photography school for two years and I still don't know all the ins and outs of Photoshop. It is a scary, complicated program that (now more than ever) costs an arm and a leg so for most people, it is still inaccessible. That's why we're not seeing a new shift to people using their phones to take most of their photos, and to do most of their editing. At least, for the general population.

But there is a cautionary tale with Photoshop, and Adobe specifically. And this is something to think about for AI, as well. Adobe recent came under fire for discreetly changing their user policy to add a clause that they (Adobe) are allowed to use any work created with any of their programs for whatever they want - which, in this instance, is largely for AI training. Oh, they don't own the work (yet) but they can just use it... And not credit the artist. And because Adobe and Photoshop have so deeply ingrained themselves within the industry, no one can do a damn thing about it. Some artists are switching, but all of the major studios and companies won't. It would be way too much work to find something new and retrain thousands of workers. Plus, because of how aggressive Adobe is about cornering its market, most similar programs just don't cut it compared to the power of Adobe's software. Think about .pdf files. How many people use them for documents? How many industries use them? They are literally the file-sharing format for most government agencies and corporations. And they are an Adobe product. Think about the implications there. Maybe the Internet Elders remember how greatly things changed once Adobe no longer supported Flash - now imagine if they ever decided to change up .pdfs.

My main concern with AI is where it will go from here, in the next decade or so. AI may not be like a giant, incredibly faulty and dangerous weaving machine being rolled out in a textile factory to speed up production. AI won't literally rip children apart when it breaks and needs fixing. But AI is still slotting into that roll in the modern workforce: it is a new machine that can do its tasks faster than a human can (whether or not it is better is up for debate). Take a look at manufacturing now - machines are here to stay. As is AI. Like it or not, it's here. However, how we move forward is important, and right now we are setting things up on very shaky foundation. AI is currently on track to replace a lot of creative jobs. Writers, graphic designers, artists, photographers, etc. And right now, this is seen as a good thing by the corporate ruling class. For every job that can be done by AI instead of an actual human, then that is a salary they don't have to pay. Again, it doesn't have to be this way: AI can be used alongside these specialized trades to speed things up, and increase productivity. But a lot of people are already making the jump to "we'll just get the computer to do it".

Right now, it is so easy to do that. It is so easy for anyone with a computer to call themselves an artist. It is so easy for people to not study, to not think, and to rely on computers to do the tasks for them. Just like with digital photography, it has opened up a new creative avenue to a lot of people. But unlike digital photography, it takes far less skill and isn't as strictly paywalled. Yet.

Watch - in a few decades, once most people have given up actually training in creative fields and society has come to rely heavily on AI - once most actually skilled people have disappeared - that's when the price will go up. Like Photoshop and Adobe, once AI is the industry standard and commonplace in people's day-to-day lives, it will suddenly start to get expensive. AI is (mostly) free to use right now. It won't be. Not in a post-capitalist hellscape like ours. They'll start charging for it. Just a little, then a little more, then more. Then more. But people need it, so they'll keep paying for it. And rather than actual skilled people who have trained and studied and devoted their time and energy in order to produce things for other people, that money will go to some tech billionare's tenth yacht fund. It will go into a corporation's profit, which is an abstract number our current economic system dictates must always go up, regardless of the human sacrifice needed to make it so. They won't stop until they've squeezed every stone dry.

AI may not literally be a child-killing monstrosity of a machine rolled out onto a factory floor to replace skilled workers. But it has the potential to figuratively be one. Only in this instance, rather than ripping apart the small children forced to crawl inside to clear a stuck mechanism, it will rip apart people's desire to actually learn the skills it is replacing. And once it is the only game in town, there will be no going back.

anti-ai people need to understand that the opposition communists have to luddism and reactionary sentiment isn't like, a moral one. the main problem with luddism is that it doesn't actually work. like when we say 'we mustn't try to fight against technology itself, we need to fight against the social system that makes it so that advancement in technology and labour-saving devices lead to layoffs' the reason we're saying it is because, if you try fighting the technology, you're going to lose, and you're still going to lose your job too. when you say 'yeah i understand your criticism but I'm still going to fight against AI' you very clearly did not understand the criticism, because the point is that it isn't even in your own self-interest, because it will not work. the fact that, even if it did work, it would only mean maintaining a privileged strata of 'skilled labour' above other workers is secondary -- because, again, flatly resisting technological advancement has never worked in history.

[eternal-armin]

ain't no rest for the wicked.

reader sticks up jinx in hopes to just get money, but gets a surprising proposition instead. reader: neutral. sorry that the fics have been so niche recently. i've just been solely self-indulgent recently lol

you cocked the gun, aiming it right at the back of her head. though perhaps it was your steely gaze which felt more threatening. "give me everything you've got. i'm not looking for a fight." the absolute lack of fear in your voice was palpable. "if you try to make a move, i won't think twice."

you knew exactly who you were sticking up, but you didn't care. this could be your last attempt ever, but you didn't care. desperation does funny things to someone.

looking over her shoulder at you, jinx narrowed her eyes, looking you directly in yours. your expression didn't change. not that she could really tell- everything except for your eyes was covered or obscured. smart. "what the hell do you think you're doin', sweets?"

"what i need to. now you either have money, or you don't. the story can end here." your response was swift and definite, so smooth it almost sounded scripted. jinx peered strangely at you. she definitely recognized the look in your eyes. she'd seen it before in many people.

"you think you're gonna succeed with this? do you know who i am?"

"i know you well enough that if you were gonna kill or hurt me, you would've done so by now." your gaze didn't falter, nor lose its power, and neither did your hand. "all i want is money. i've got people to take care of."

conflict glinted in jinx's eyes for a moment. she huffed out through her nose, scowling slightly. "i don't have any. i'm not a dumbass who carries gold in her pocket."

"then you can go ahead and leave."

"put down the gun and i will."

you scoffed. "no. i'm not putting it down."

"then we're gonna get to know each other really well, toots. just as stubborn as me, at least! y'know, you're really comfortable with all this. super intimidating."

she didn't get a response from you. no twitch in your eye, no change in your gaze, even when she smiled. she was certainly up to something, but you weren't into finding out what it was. jinx's grin did little to placate your tension.

"oh, chill out! you said it yourself. i ain't gonna hurt ya. i'm curious, actually."

"i couldn't tell."

"you're putting a lotta shit to waste living like this, y'know."

"why do you care."

"if you want money, the best ways to get it down here is ring-fighting and gadgetry. this doesn't look like either." jinx slowly crossed her arms, making sure you knew she wasn't going for anything in her pockets.

"my question still stands. why do you care."

"because i'm just an angel, perfect, i care about everyone!" jinx chirped. "well, maybe not really. but you're stickin' people up because you think it's the only thing you can do to support your family, right? sorry for cutting to the chase. but i'm usually right about these things."

your silence spoke volumes.

"see! i am right!" jinx giggled, biting her lip. "but you look like you'd be good in a fight. people would pay good money to see someone small like you win against a... huge opponent. that's top-tier entertainment for the bozos down here! imagine the bag you'd make! unless you made that gun yourself. give it a shot for me, would ya?" jinx asked. obviously you hesitated. she ws about as unpredictable as they came.

"alright, alright. if i pinkie promise ya that i won't hurt ya, will you just give me a shot?"

lowering the gun to the ground in front of her, you fired. the explosion was more than just a bullet, it was a mini-explosion of green fire. the shot buried into the ground, leaving behind a neat hole that singed green on the sides of the pavement. it was over in less than two seconds. immediately after, you loaded another bullet and raised the gun back up, barely giving jinx any time away from your ever-present threat.

"ho-ly shit, that was better than i was hopin' for. and ya trusted me! you're truly an enigma."

"don't call me that."

"mystery."

"...fine."

"okay! mystery, that's a cool name! i'll call ya that."

you rolled your eyes. "get to your point."

"wow, sounding like sevika," jinx muttered distastefully. "i wanna sponsor ya. i can see what you're capable of. so angry and moody. you could destroy the world. why don't you?"

"because i have people who live in it."

"not a bad way to put it. best way to take care of them is to have steady income. the way i see it, your gadgetry and your fighting would do that. the question is, how d'you wanna live your life?" jinx tilted her head, examining you carefully, as if drinking in every aspect of your soul.

"what do you mean by that."

"do you wanna hurt people directly? or make things they buy so you don't have to confront what they're doing with it?"

"i'm not gonna answer that question," you replied. she scowled slightly, but shook her head. looking at the gun again, the delicate work you put into it to make it so efficient...

"it's the latter, isn't it? well, of course it is. you remind me of me, mystery."

you cursed yourself for letting her call you that. a nickname basis with jinx? either your family was gonna kill you or you were gonna be hunted down like an animal in this undercity labrynth.

"in fact, you would make a perfect understudy! oh, or is it apprentice? pupil? whatever, doesn't matter. don't you wanna learn from me? working with me, selling what you make, you could make a lot of money, toots. it would help your family soo much," jinx cooed, leaning toward you a little. but she backed off when you stood straight, raising the gun to her forehead.

"why would i ever accept that? why did you care to offer it in the first place?"

jinx stared at you for a moment. she backhanded the gun out of your hand, grabbing you by your jaw and slamming you back against the wall. just as quickly as she moved, you drew a knife, pressing the sharp blade to her neck. she chuckled, giving you a grin.

"you're thinking twice, mystery kid," she purred. "just accept my offer. i know you want to. y'won't have to worry about not returning, about leaving them all alone," she tilted her head, looking you in your eyes. for the first time, your gaze faltered. you didn't respond, but didn't look away, either.

"this is the miracle you've been looking for! you have the perfect opportunity and you're gonna hesitate?"

"i... want to take care of them." your voice sounded soft, almost wavering. it was such a stark contrast to even a few moments before, jinx could think someone else entirely had spoken. but she broke into a smile.

"there ya go. put that knife away! let's get a drink, on me!"

[eurofox]

Why are horror games such crazy fucking prices and also so inaccessible 😩

Even big titles like silent hill are not easy to find and play legit these days, and good fucking luck if you want to play anything more obscure. Even if you do track down and buy a copy, you just have to hope it actually even works.

None of the project zero/fatal frame series are available online in Europe with the exception of 5. I do have the first 2 on disc but my PS2 finally conked out and I don't feel like tracking down an old console to play them. I still want to play the third installment but getting to do so is such an ordeal,not to mention very expensive.

Some, like silent hill 1 , are on the PS3 shop but who knows how long that has left. My PS3 is actually entering it's end of life stage so I'll probably lose access to that too. Then you have PT, where they just took it off everyone lmao.

I was going to get rule of rose for it's release but there was a panicked outrage about it in Ireland and it was labelled as some sort of nonce game with child murder so my parents refused to buy it. Shame, because not only was it not true, those games sell for hundreds of Euros now, and there's no legitimate digital release. Never even saw games like clocktower or haunting ground for sale anywhere when physical shops were still a thing. Did find ghosthunter though, a hidden gem most are probably unfamiliar with,but of course we lost the disc on holiday 🙄

Horror is so perfect for videogames because you've no choice but to get up close and personal so I'm surprised it's always been considered such a niche genre. And becoming all the more niche because so much of it is a complete pain in the arse to track down and play, the only exception probably being resident evil.

I don't really watch streamers but they are bringing some attention back to them I guess.

[bunkernine]

what social media would each member of the lost trio use most and what would they do on it

dude i thought wattpad was social media up until 8th grade, I'm so bad at this but:

Leo: Made really strange vines that all flopped, except for one which boosted his ego, and he became annoying. Vine died and he moved to YouTube. from there he makes extremely niche videos that only 5 people would get. Random 8 second clips, bass-boosting songs, obscure memes- but also the occasional vlog, like "Hey Guys, So uhhhh Just Made a Jetpack if You wanna See lmao". However, he does have a TikTok and he does exactly what you expect him to do in TikTok. A sizeable following so you probably have seen his face a few times but not exactly that well known. Leo is also known for going on Reddit a fair amount, for both cool and helpful reddits but also the weirdo ones. He trolls people on any site tho

Piper: Isn't actually into social media that much. Has the usual crap but opens it about once a month. People follow her on Insta because of her dad, but she barely posts. When she does post it typically soars in likes. Her Finnsta is just making fun of Leo and he still doesn't know yet, (He'd get huffy and be like '😠 they made another post' and she goes 'oh really? 🤔 that's so craaaazy'). She has a secret Tumblr that was made for her aesthetic stuff and rants but then she forgot it existed and it hasn't been touched in 3 years. The type of person to tweet a single sentence and leave while everyone loses it

Jason: He has a VSCO account cause he likes the pictures. Pretty into Instagram but only because he starts scrolling and then loses track of time. He does InstaLive or whatever when the three of them do stupid shit. He also uses Snap a lot and sends annoying morning streaks (Jason: gm, beautiful day 😊 Leo: *sends pic of the ceiling with his hair peeking out at the bottom* shut up ❤️ Piper: OPENED). People thirst follow him but then he posts shit like puppies or something he saw on a walk. Jason takes an obscene amount of selfies with his friends but he also uses the dog filter. He turned off Insta's comments cause people kept calling him a furry and wolf kinnie.

[internet-necrosis]

Do other people get carried away like this and kinda just lose their mind?

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You know I had a thought, but I was stuck fooling around with this app so much that I totally forgot it. How sad. I am currently running on very little sleep. Why do I do this to myself? I almost seem to procrastinate sleeping in a way, like I'm experiencing executive dysfunction but with a very pressing need. I just hate how unsatifying sleeping has become for me these days, and how little it seems to serve me. I hate how I lose time, considering I'm barely doing anything of worth these days already. I know a lot of subconsious dislike for myself for not having internet fame in any way, or any friends, or any money probably messes up the way I go about anything. Oh, I just remembered what I was going to say earlier. This is nice. Writing is such a nice thing. I actually really enjoy doing it and wish I could just do this and be paid somehow. I'm so tired of feeling unconfident in my writing just because I lack any formal training. Who fucking cares that I don't read books or that I don't give stupid amounts of money to corrupt institutions? Why can't my ego run free and become validated with a group of niche internet followers, not unlike a popular tumblr blog except I actually make money? I hate that I am forced to endure memorization of technical knowledge regarding how I should organize and operate. I hate that I will be seen as a lesser outsider in my structure of thinking and not as a radical or progressive writing. I hate being organized and I hate that organization is even remotely glorified. I am capable of complex thought, not complex memory. I am capable of complex interpretation; not complex regurgitation and orginization. I am a fleeting moment of interest and engagement, devoid of structure and consistency. I am death and decay, and the life subsequent. I am movement, I am flow. I am not rigid, I am so very cursed to not be rigid.

I understand if this can come across more as a childish stoner lamenting the death of their 20s and outside pressure to mature and assimilate with their peers than a strange woman ranting into the void. I hate to say it; but I am prone to act and sound like a mediocre white person who just took acid for the first time a week ago, and thinks they like, totally get things now. I suppose it is delusional on my part to feel as if my super cool aloof speaking style and half knowledge of a few obscure subjects and internet culture has any merit in comparison to the hard intellectual work involved with becoming somthing interesting or worthwhile. Maybe my first mistake was having heroes, being influenced. I haven't given things crititcal thought in a long time, I'm just trying to find the smart people that everyone else hasnt uncovered yet, and regurgitating them in the way that makes me the most interesting. I would like to think the abscract nature of my wit could merit a career in comedy writing or Gonzo journalism but girl, nobody does it like that anymore. Even the current god of Gonzo journalism is in video format on Channel 5 doing it so flawlessly theres no reason to even compete. No one really looks for that stuff in writing form anyway. They want you hot, skinny, in front of the camera without stuttering and immacculate editing so you can get 230 views and tell your dreams to fuck off a week later.

I'm a "now or never" type, which is just a neat way of saying my adhd and adhd behaviors control my entire life even when I beg them to finally cease. I either exhaust it all now or it never happens. Oh, you wanted to finish this online course? best I can do is complete half of it in one day and never return to the subject again. Oh you actually enjoy doing this thing? here's a random feeling of crippling fear and discomfort at the very thought of doing it again, youre welcome. Good fucking god, is it exhausting. How do they do it? How do they actually do this every day without feeling actual internal suffering? How can it be so easy for all of them? Oh what I would give for just one day, of the freedom to do things I've wanted and needed to do. To just shower without having to add steps to build up to the act, to take one simple college course, just one, the entire way. I would love to make writing like this a regular thing, but how can I when nothing actually helps? I've tried the google calendars, i've done the millions of alarms, i've done it all so many times and so many times it fades away; it always does. Dare I breathe to reduce my mania? Dare I attempt to enjoy a hobby? Dare I even buy a video game? What can be done? How will I ever feel free? Have I ever even felt it in my life?

To accent my sentiments I see past my chromebook a youtube video that has been paused for about 3 hours, next to me a freshly unsmoked bowl of green waiting for some attention, and a constantly reheated and ignored cup of coffee. My god, was I ever worth anything but my labor? My practiced barista skills completely buried in a year of intentional unemployment. I grew up an only child to two people wired completely different than me, so I feel like the mosiac of my habits are an embarrassing rendition of who I really am. I wonder if I am alone in being this way or if other people are losing their minds trying to determine their comparitive worth so that they can know how to best conduct themselves for an online and social persona. Let's be real; I am too fat and unskilled to be confident. I used to be an artist; at least that's the sentiment that gets forced upon me because I used to like drawing and got a little skill with it, now I'm completely demolished by the technical knowledge and expenses needed to grasp digital art; slowly becoming the only true art these days. I am now living a life of identity vagrancy; full of unlikable confidence and excessive incompetence. It's certainly a new perspective.

I remember clearly when I first read (in a adhd sense, which is to say I read until I lost steam and started skimming despite full realization of the texts importance) the Scum Manifesto. My god if you don't know what that is just google it and have your first moment as well. I'll wait, seeing as I'm actually just a wall of text. The heated and consise writing hit me in the gut a little, but I was scared at how much I kinda liked it. The conversational writing stroked a bias of mine and made me realize how much I craved more of the style because it made me feel like maybe for a minute I wasn't wrong in how I did things. "This writing reminds me of me, when I get really angry and vent. When I get fed up and talk to myself in my made up scenarios of radical political and social change completly in my favor. This is my rage expressed when I know no one can hear me and get all butthurt. This feels wrong in how extreme, and yet I've been there....was my rage ever wrong to feel?" And my god, that's the liberating question, isn't it? Was I ever actually in the wrong or did I just make people uncomfortable? And is their discomfort a reason I should stop or is it a sign that I'm eroding the social conditioning they've exstablished unfounded comfort? It kind of brings me back to the gonzo journalism in a sense, where I'm not doing anything much more than giving you facts and the way that I see them. The bias is there but it's always going to be there as long as humans are the journalists. Why not lean into the bias and push people to actually think about how they feel regarding the subject instead of spoonfeeding them the most middle of the road, "all lives mattter", "let's listen to both sides" bullshit take? Why do you need to be the personal advocate for "everyone is right in their own way" when it doesn't encourage much other than agreement? Agreement doesn't seem like a very robust goal to me. I want more weird bitches with their little hills they would die on. I want people to be unmarketable in their takes and ideas and yet I want them well thought out and meaningful. I want both sides to be argued with passion, and without apology or compromise within a space that honors what that can mean for the world. I know this glorifying middle of the road attitudes is a result of humans viewing themselves as marketable product, and yeah it's pretty sad. I know there's merit in looking for a common ground but I think we have lost our way so incredibly far on how to actually do something with that, that we should just lose our access to it until we can behave. Perhaps, I too, am another radical political expression of rage, meant to just be another crazy bitch footnote in history but hell, at least it puts me in the history books. Maybe I will read about my eccentrism and how it was my downfall in history class in a next life, making the boys uncomfortable and the girls wonder how I got like this.

You want to know what that thing was I remembered earlier, right? Nah, you totally do. I'm gonna tell you anyway. Checking my email I recieve an unneeded amount of spam from quora asking about people who are "narccisists" or whatever. I notice people treat that label like a clinical dianosis. Is it really? I mean truly. I have no idea. But even if it is, I'm concerned it exists without considering social factors, absolving the public from taking responsibility for their little monster. I see that many of them are bad people, annoying people, whatever. I was probably raised by one or two. I notice they seem to be overwhelmingly female. Funny, aren't we socialized to be narsicistic anyway? From the constant awareness of our bodies and appearance, to the hypersexualization, to the glorifying of being a superficial female taking constant care of herself and others....would it not be a natural reaction to the oppressive culture to disconnect our ability to empathize and prioritize others? Would it not make sense to fall into our falsely constructed bimbo selves and put ourselves constantly first to keep ourselves safe? And what a very obvious reaction to trauma...to say "never again" in our most formative years and to disconnect ourselves from reality enough to finally enjoy the experience. To finally take and take and never give back. To feel no remorse for the innocent because they were innocent, too. To accept how the game is played and just hyperfocus on ourselves because we never truly feel safe or loved. It's always so easy to make up a new strawman villian to direct our indirectable hatred and yet, it's so easy sometimes to throw it onto the hurt person hurting other people. Because it's easy. Maybe I do that too. Maybe I'm wrong and theres a clinical disorder that makes you a bad person that should be taken off the earth. Of course it's pretty difficult to achieve deeper understanding of this thing without realising how misogynist of a world we live in, how it appears everywhere and is always going to follow the female population around in some form. Without that you just look at a bunch of information men wrote and say "well those are the experts here, looks real to me!" and move on. I wish I had that little brain worm. I kinda hope yours dies though.

You have read about 2000 words of caffinated ramble. The misspellings, the lack of coherency- I just want you to know that it's all for you, baby. I can't imagine a human on this earth doing something for me as tedious and meaningful as just reading through my "old woman yells at cloud" and even if you dissagree with me and all I've said I still thank you for not dismissing what I have to say. I hope I get that blog post writing for 100 dollars an article job so I can beef it up with my useless verbage and whatever else I need to do to get enough money to not feel so bad about taking a year off to rest my soul. I would just love to be able to just type up my little words whenever I felt like it and make a little money to keep myself smoking heavy, watching youtube, and walking in a circle to get my step counter to say nice numbers. I think I'll just....post this rambling for the rad girlies on tumblr to see. what was this about every action doesn't have to be performative? I do not hear it...

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Yesterday’s Canadian CPC leadership election highlights how significant members of Stephen Harper’s cabinet have gone on to bigger things, years after Harper faded into obscurity. Maxime Bernier (I mean, what he’s doing now doesn’t give him more political power than he had a minister, and now that Poilievre is running the CPC they’ll almost match him so he’s probably done, but he’s raised his personal profile a hell of a lot), Erin O’Toole, Candice Bergen, Jason Kenney, and of course Pierre Poilievre himself. It’s mainly the most right-wing ones who’ve gone up since the end of Harper, though. The Red Tories are lucky if their careers have taken anything but a sharp dive. Lisa Raitt’s doing pundit podcasts and Peter McKay’s a broken shell of a man.

That doesn’t say great things about the direction and momentum in Canadian politics, even if we’re still holding on to a basically reasonable ground at the federal level, at least. It leaves me to wonder how many of Justin Trudeau’s ministers will take their political careers to better places after he loses. It’s a weird situation, because some of the ones with the most seemingly promising careers (Jody Wilson-Raybould, Jane Philpott, Catherine McKenna, Andrew Leslie, Harjit Sajjan) have already either left politics or at least started doing it with a much lower profile, under a variety of rough circumstances. Obviously Chrystia Freeland is going places, but it’s a sign of the lack of other candidates as much as of her own potential that she’s always the first name mentioned as alternatives to Trudeau for Top Liberal, whether that’s meant figuratively or literally (as party leader).

You just don’t get the same extent of high-profile names in the Trudeau cabinet, and maybe that is down to there being some truth in the accusations that too much power is concentrated in the Prime Minister’s Office under this Government. It’s not great that this is so clearly where things are going, but I’m already looking at how strong an Opposition the Liberals will be able to mount after the Conservatives take back Government, and I don’t love what I see. It’s not just about who will be specifically still in the party as MPs, I’m think of what high-profile people associated with the Liberal party will still be in important parts of Canadian politics anywhere. I'm trying to predict the future landscape, and the Liberals are just not well set up right now.

Anyway. Thank you for indulging my post-leadership election thoughts, which I realize were a bit niche. I will go back to updates about Frankie Boyle’s Twitter page soon (actually you can have one now, he made a joke about how Charles should sing a Lion King song when he takes the crown).