#this is so WEIRD

[clockwayswrites]

'Birdritch' part 3

Someday I might post this not at fuck all in the morning and proof read it first, but today is not that day! Masterpost Art

-

“Pamela—”

“Don’t ‘Pamela’ me during a fight!”

“But that’s the thing!” Nightwing said, keeping his hands raised even as he motioned with them. “This isn’t a fight. I get that you were upset—”

“They were trying to bury a body in my park!” Pamela hissed.

“And we stopped them!”

“You know,” Red Hood started from where he was sitting on top of the bound criminals, “you could have just thought of it as free fertilizer.”

Nightwing gave up and buried his face n his gloved hands. “Hood, you’re not really helping.”

“’Course I’m helping.,” Hood said as he inspected his gloved fingers. “I’m keeping the baddies pinned. Red is the one who’s not helping.”

“I’m keeping a birds eye view on things,” Red said into the comms. Which really was a good thing, considering. Like, what? “Speaking of birds, there’s one the size of a large SUV headed this way. Or at least it mostly looks like a bird.”

“What do you mean it mostly looks like a bird?” Nightwing asked.

“Fuck that,” Hood cut in, “what do you mean the size of an SUV?”

Pamela crossed her arms, hip jutted out defiantly. “What it wasn’t me. I don’t deal with animals, you know that.”

“I mean it’s got two legs and a beak…ish thing? It looks like some sort of water bird. Which I guess could explain it? Like, we know Gotham Harbor has too many weird chemicals in it. Maybe someone emptied one too many things right on a totally normal bird and— oh, it’s glowing too.”

“Well great,” Hood managed right before, with a thundering step, the bird thing broke through the vines.

The tuft of green feathers on its chest seemed to almost glow from how bright the color was, but Red hadn’t been wrong. The bird thing really was glowing, a pale cyan color that seemed to shift and ripple and pull away from the white crest and mostly black body of the bird.

“See,” Red said, motioning from his perch on the lamppost, “an SUV sized bird like thing.”

The bird thing’s head tilted and Red and the very sudden, very certain sense that all of the creature’s focus was suddenly on him.

“Red,” Hood rumbled as he slowly pulled out out a gun, “I think you better stop moving.”

“You can’t shoot it,” Nightwing hissed.

“If it tries to eat Red, I sure as fuck am shooting it,” Red growled back.

“Or I could just entangle it with my vines,” Pamela said. She crossed her arms when they all turned to look at her and examined her nails. “What? I am not going just stand here and let a giant bird eat my favorite little birds.”

“Aw,” Nightwing cooed, you do care!”

Pamela rolled her eyes and flicked the hand she had been looking at. One of the massive vines broke free from the ground and whipped towards the bird thing at a speed that was almost hard to track.

And stopped.

Short.

Held in the clawed grasp of the creature. The long neck reared back and the bird thing opened its beak and squawked in offense.

“Uh, guys?” Red said, his voice quiet now.

“Yeah, I’m seeing it too,” Nightwing answered.

“Why the fuck does it have three legs?” Hood asked.

[averageludwig]

TRUST there is a totally real normal explanation to the blood only being on their mouths. I just have to think of one first

[livingnerdyprude]

Ok soooooooooo…Jon Matteson is Lauren Lopez’s father, son, lover, boyfriend, killer, lawyer, brother, victim, etc. That’s crazy. I love Hatchetfield.

[hdusa]

they talked about you dancing on the tommyinnit jackmanifold podcast and also the lifesteal smp i gotso happy i cried imso happy it was so lovely 50:40

me spoke and mapicc just live reacted this is so funny oh my god everyone in lifesteal general is having a field day WHY THE FUCK DID THEY NAME DROP MEEEEEEE

[goddammiteverythingstaken]

i was today years old when i learned that roger federer and rafa nadal are a geniune sort of popular ship with 800 ao3 works and 127k followers on tumblr and i dont know what to feel

[janesurlife]

Why is Ollie literally a mini version of Carlos

[skyloftian-nutcase]

Y’all, I never have a weekend off from work, what am I supposed to do with myself, what is all this free time, I already assembled a dog crate, cleaned the house, rearranged the living room, visited my folks, and I’m just sitting here.

Does anyone want to talk blorbos or AUs?

[b0ard1ngsch00l]

So…I don’t think I’m obsessed with him anymore, and I don’t see him in the same way that I previously have. He’s definitely my favourite teacher, and I still find him attractive🤭and we talk a lot, we’re pretty close!

But I think that I see him as a father figure (maybe he’s compared me to his daughter too many times). But now I’m realising that he is like the father I never had.

[star-lights-up]

okay, cherik idea here.

And this is a really, really wacky one.... but hear me out (honestly, I think I'm just built for thinking of/writing crackfics).

So, you know that thing where your brain has to make everything you see, think of, listen to, and talk about relate to your current hyperfixation? Well, if you don't... just know I do.

So, I rewatched the barbie movie tonight (you can see where this is going) and my brain was like, hm, okay, how can we make this cherik?

I present to you: this very dumb idea.

So, it's a few years after the ken takeover and the barbies and kens talking things out and mattel visiting barbieland and that one barbie leaving to be a human, and slowly kens are starting to carve out their own places in society.

Let's look at this one ken. He's always felt a little like the odd one out, even during the ken-mojo-dojo-casa-house-kendom-kenland takeover thing where supposedly all kens were just living their best, most kenough lives. (He wonders sometimes, what the other kens would think, if he knew he'd felt the way about some of them that they had felt for barbies.)

After all that happened, he decided to go to university, since he had always been friends with biologist barbie and doctor barbie and philosophy barbie (okay the other two might not be real but I KNOW doctor barbie's a thing). So he goes, he gets a degree, he's chilling. Whatever. (you guys see where this is going, yeah?)

He also chills with weird barbie all the time, since he finds her really smart and interesting to talk to, and sometimes she has books from the real world that he gets to read. And that's really cool.

Then one day, he gets really sad. And really tired. And he's thinking about loss a lot, like, what if he lost his friends? what if they grow up, and change, and they don't need him anymore? And his wardrobe, which had always been kind of a cute, ken-ish style academia, has gotten super depressing and subdued. And he doesn't know what to make of it.

So, he goes and chats with his friend weird barbie, and she tells him all about the barbie who went to the real world a few years ago -- a story she never wanted to talk about before. She says that this is exactly how that started for her -- and that whoever's playing with him must be experiencing some kind of crisis, and their emotions were bleeding into his life.

And before she can even finish talking, he's gripped with this overwhelming sense of sadness for that person -- and the feeling that he wants to help them stop feeling so awful. And so, when weird barbie says that he could go to the real world to help, he doesn't even think twice.

She does, though, and says that since it worked out so crazy last time, he needs a plan going in. While barbieland has become a little more like the real world, it's still REALLY different. So she has him make up a story and choose a name for himself.

Charles Xavier: thirty three years old. He lived in westchester for years. He has a degree in genetics and a passion for learning (though those aren't a lie). He's estranged from his family, but still has some money (weird barbie gave him this thing called a credit card). He's new to LA.

With that, weird barbie sends him forth into the real world.

(I'm going to take a pause here and just mention that originally i had the ken as erik, but then realized i needed a girldad to be the human. Not that charles isn't, but he's got david, and erik has... wanda, nina, anya, and lorna, not to even mention peter, so we're just sticking with erik as the human and the twins as his kids. no, i can't add all his kids i'm too tired to work them into the plot.)

And everything's different there, and messy, and he finds himself a little intimidated, especially after wandering around and meeting weird people (let's just say he hit a bad spot of the city) and he's about to go home when he stumbles into a library. And it's a little bit like he's seen this library before, somewhere, in a dream... but also like it's his first time seeing this big, beautiful library, and obviously he's a nerd, so it's like a kid in a candy shop.

He's been roaming around the aisles and browsing through some of the books for hours, and then he gets kicked out because it's closing. And it's night. He finds himself walking around, and then stumbling into a fight...

well, not so much a fight -- more just one boy, getting beat up, by a few other boys. Older boys. Bigger boys. Well, bigger than the first boy. Not full grown adults with ken muscles. So, the ken intervenes -- first with his words, then with his fist. And he can't even think about how it hurt to hit those guy's faces when he's focused on comforting the first boy. A boy who... well, the ken almost feels like he knows him, somehow.

He says his name's Pietro, well, nobody calls him that, it's actually peter, and when asked what he's doing there at night he gets really quiet, then admits to the ken -- to... Charles -- that those boys told him to meet them there. That they were going to hang out, finally. That they'd be his friends if he just sucked it up and stopped being such a little wimp and snuck out tonight. So he did, and now his face is all messed up and he got blood on his jeans and his dad is going to be so mad-

Charles manages to calm him down, and he walks the boy home, fending off the creeps of the city because protecting peter has become his new main priority.

And when the door opens, he recognizes the man standing there, just like he recognized the library, just like he recognized peter. And he's not sure why, but he gets the feeling that maybe this is the person he's come to the real world to find.

The man, Erik Lehnsherr, as he introduces himself, is obviously livid, not at Charles, but at peter. He thanks Charles, though, in a very heartfelt manner -- he's so grateful that someone brought his boy back safe.

And then, like that, he says goodbye, and the door closes, and Charles doesn't know what to do. Erik's the person he's come here for, he's sure of that.

He gets himself a hotel room not too far away with weird barbie's credit card, and decides to try and figure it out tomorrow.

Meanwhile, after scolding Peter for sneaking out, cleaning up his face, promising to use his magical homemade stain-remover potion on his son's jeans, and sending the boy to bed, Erik finds himself unable to sleep. It's been like this for months now, really. Ever since the twins have gone to high school he's been feeling down and out.

He goes to his desk in his office, thinking that maybe he can get some work done if he's not going to sleep, and ends up pulling out that stupid ken doll that he saved from the donate bin wanda put out on the street three weeks ago.

When he played dolls with the twins when they were little, this was always the doll they made his doll marry. "dad's ken." Even back then, even when they were making the barbies fight to the death and launch air raid attacks on the legos, his kids didn't want him to be lonely.

Though now, as they're getting older, it's like they've forgotten how they all used to be friends. His friends. Wanda and peter are always fighting now, and peter's hanging out with jerks and sneaking out and getting low grades, and wanda has a boyfriend who seems perfectly nice but there's just got to be something wrong with him and erik worries she's gotten too caught up in all the drama and he's just the same as he's always been. They're growing up, and he can't help them, and sometimes it's like they're changing and growing and he's not -- he's just getting older.

(I'm going to make a side note here -- why the hell have i been typing a cherik barbie au for 45 minutes?? what has this fandom done to my brain???)

His thoughts turn, suddenly, to the kind stranger, Charles, who saved peter tonight. Brought him home safe.

He almost looked a little like the ken. brown hair, blue eyes. But then again, he was better -- he had freckles, too, and his eyes were even bluer than any painted-on blue could be, smart, too, and with that accent... Erik shakes his head, scolds himself for thinking those thoughts about a complete stranger, and forces himself to go to bed, hoping it will all be forgotten in the morning.

But then he sees Charles again. And again. And again.

Charles, at the library he frequents. Charles, at the coffee shop where he goes sometimes after the twins have gone to school. Charles, randomly, on the street, Charles, Charles, Charles.

Meanwhile, Charles -- because, yes, that fits better than ken ever did -- is having the time of his life exploring the human world. He's read so many books. He's eaten so many delicious new foods, and the coffee cups actually have liquid in them (disgusting liquid. He's found he prefers tea). He's found that he really needs a proper cellphone to exist, and goes out and gets one -- making an email with his new name. He finds that there are places he just instinctively recognizes, the way he did the library and erik and peter, and he explores those places -- and new ones, too.

Speaking of Erik; he sees him everywhere. Sometimes it's on purpose -- he does know that the man will frequent the spots he recognizes -- but a lot of the times, really, it's by complete accident.

They strike up a conversation at the library, about a book. Charles mentions that he's kind of new to LA and doesn't really know anyone yet, and Erik asks if he'd like to meet up with some friends of his for drinks sometime. Now, mind you, he has no clue the next time all of them will have an evening free, but the offer's there.

And then Charles asks if maybe, he'd like to sit at the same table together at the cafe tomorrow morning. They're both going. They may as well. Erik accepts, and Charles feels this strange fluttering feeling in his chest -- a little bit like how he'd felt about a few people back at home, but never with this intensity.

They have coffee. They have coffee twice, three times, five times. Ten. Every morning. Coffee turns into dinner, which turns into three dinners, which turns into dating.

Erik makes a joke a few times, about this ken doll that he stole from wanda, the one that they used to joke that he'd marry that looks just like him. And Charles feels that fluttering feeling again, because while Erik may not know it, he's that ken doll, and somehow the idea of having been married to this incredible man, even in a make-believe setting, is amazing.

Charles meets Wanda. Charles hangs out with her and peter and their dad. Charles moves in. Charles comforts a crying wanda when she breaks up with her boyfriend -- and much worse, her best friend is ghosting her too. Charles helps peter with his homework and talks with him about his friendship problems and his problems with his sister. Charles learns to cook, Erik laughing by his side in the kitchen as he burns eggs. Charles meets Erik's friends. Charles gets a teaching position at the nearby university (he found a way to use his barbieland credentials. I'm too tired to think up the specifics right now so that's all I'll say). Charles convinces Erik that he's still living and growing, too, just like his children. To be human is to change, constantly -- an idea he's becoming more and more familiar with as the days pass. While he thinks of his friends back in barbieland from time to time, this, what he has with erik, his new friends, even peter and wanda, this is more real than anything he's ever had before. He feels like a person. Maybe he is. All he knows is he wants to stay.

But, of course, eventually mattel realizes one of their dolls is on the loose in the real world again -- and this issue must be rectified as soon as possible, because, wow, look at what happened last time (they had to continue producing ken's mojo dojo casa houses because people wanted them so bad, even after the ken takeover was over). They notify the heads of their departments: keep a look out for british ken (probably not a thing but you know what we're making it a thing), brunette, blue eyes, on the shorter side, wearing cardigans, reading books.

Erik lehnsherr, head of the art department, gets... a little concerned.

Hadn't he been thinking that Charles was just like that ken?

Hadn't charles shown up right after he'd seen the doll for the first time in years, dug out of the back of wanda's closet (ha, he came out of the closet) to be donated?

Didn't he fit that exact description?

Well, how do you ask your boyfriend if he's a barbie doll?

And what do you do when he gets all quiet, and asks how you figured it out?

Mattel intervenes, obviously. Shit gets tense for a little while, but in the end... They realize it hasn't made an impact. Nobody back in barbie world is worried too much about one missing, discontinued ken. Not enough for it to effect either world.

Maybe it makes Charles a little sad, that his old friends seem to have forgotten about him. But what matters more is he gets to stay with the man he loves, the man who somehow still loves him back, the two messy, sometimes awful, amazing teenagers that he's come to love as though they're his own, and all the friends he's made.

They have a big-ass, glamorous wedding, curtesy of weird barbie's self-refilling credit card (yeah, they're pretty much infinitely rich now. they decide not to ruin the economy and just use it when they need it and make large donations to charities as much as they can.)

And that is what I thought of the entire time I watched barbie tonight.

[wooyoungchangbinstaytiny]

I don’t even know…

Hello guys! I’ve never posted before on here actually, so I know this is a bit weird. I’ve decided to be brave, I guess. Back in February or March (whenever Niki and Kailee were dating I don’t remember when that was), Niki started getting a shit ton of hate asks (still pissed about that). And even before that, I noticed another writer, Stacy, getting these same asks. But I noticed that this only started after they became friends with Leah. After I looked into it a bit, I realized that they’re only getting the swarms of hate asks while Leah is online, and many others are also victims of this. For example, Ash and hynjinniesworld (Idk their name). Unfortunately, I don’t have proof, and I’m probably gonna be a pussy and delete my account anyways if I get it wrong, but please hear me out. These people are my favorite creators, and they don’t deserve people like this in their lives. She has been sending herself these asks too about other people, saying things like ‘Niki sucks’ or something, and then she proceeds to answer and defend Niki to make her seem like a better person. I also notice that she always @‘s people in her posts, and she also @‘s everyone in her anon asks. I’m confident it’s her, but please don’t come at me if it’s not. There has to be some kind of misunderstanding, because there’s absolutely no way these things are coincidence. And also, Leah what the fuck is wrong with you? Again, I’m not sure if it was you, but if it was you need to learn your fucking place. I still think about that ask you send in being all homophobic on anon and acting like a perfect human being when you answered. That’s disgusting, and I wouldn’t be surprised if you sent in the asks on Niki’s account being transphobic to Az either. Grow up, seriously. You’re an amazing and talented writer, you don’t need to gain fame or popularity this way, I promise.

People Mentioned: @straykidsholicleigh @silverstarburst @atinyniki @hynjinniesworld @cinnamostar @galaxycatdrawz

Again, I am so sorry if I’m incorrect about all of this, but I refuse to sit here and watch this disrespect.

[k-martins]

I've seen people saying they're going to abandon the manga now that Gojo is dead, so I'll give you a message. COWARDS, ALL COWARDS!!!!!!

YOU HAVE NOT BEEN ON THIS BOAT SO LONG TO DECIDE TO JUMP NEAR THE BEACH!!!!!

SATORU GOJO WOULDN'T WANT THAT!!!!!

STAND AND FIGHT BRAVELY, HONOR HIS LEGACY!!!!!!

LET'S ALL UNITE, IN SADNESS AND… SADNESS!, IN THE MANGA AND IN THE ANIME!!!!!

WE WILL SHOW GEGE THAT HE WON'T TAKE US DOWN SO EASY!!!! WE ARE RESISTANT JUST LIKE THAT HORRIBLE FUCKING SHIRT!!!!!!

GET UP, WIPE YOUR TEARS AND START TWITTING IN THE NAME OF GOJO AND YOUR FAVORITE CHARACTERS!!!!!

BE THE REAL JUJUTSU KAISEN!!!!

[callmesel]

I'm having a mandela effect rn with the word gray

I thought it was spell grey?

It kind of feels wrong too

[clvudii-launch42]

Someone who's aware of the ships, but hasn't seen the show: so, what couple said "I love you" first? Kenji X Brooklynn or Yasmina x Sammy?

Jwcc fan: BHA. None of em.

None fan: But someone??? Cuz i heard someone say that one of the campers said "I love you". Did no one say that ever??

Jwcc fan: Ofc they did!!!

None fan: But who could've-

Jwcc fan: Ben x Darius!!!

None fan: Wha-

Jwcc fan: well, more exactly, Ben to Darius, but you get the grit.

None fan: But they... Are they dating?

Jwcc fan: Nope!!! *Crying* AREN'T THEY ADORABLE!?!

[outofthemouthsof]

Kinda ironic to take the last uncensored Chinese show and censor it.

[vorfreudevortex]

I JUST REALIZED THAT I HAVE OVER 700 OF YOU LITTLE SHITS FOLLOWING ME NOW ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

i’m actually going to piss myself because what the fuck?????? oh my god oh my god oh my god???

I LOVE YOU ALL SO. FUCKING. MUCH.

THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU.