#this is shorter but i wanted to make a separate entry for this prompt and for the next one

[i-will-cry-you-a-river]

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Day 7 of @sangyaoweek

Qinghe

Back home, it took no time to get used to everything. Hah, no. Nie Huaisang's mood was dark, he missed his friend, he hated the renewed expectations and not even his birds could cheer him up. His usual carefree demeanor was replaced by bitterness. He promised that he was going to behave more responsibly, and he would take things seriously, so he performed the tasks with spiteful determination. But he wasn't happy. Not by far.

His thoughts were constantly drifting back to Meng Yao and Jin Guangyao. He was always thinking about him, which irritated him almost as much as saber practice did, which was pretty telling. Jin Guangyao decided; Nie Huaisang had life outside of him. Then why did it feel like that the then Meng Yao made home in Nie Huaisang's thoughts?!

"I just don't understand," Nie Huaisang grunted to himself, frustration coloring his tone. “I don't know. I don't know anything at all…”

His thoughts churned as he completed his tasks, his mind filled with images of Jin Guangyao’s past, present and future struggles and the cold reception he had received in Lanling. The more he thought about it, the more it hurt. If Meng Yao had stayed with them, he would have been respected and valued. Even his Da-ge had to admit that he did a great job against the saber spirits!

Everything felt… off. Wrong. Empty. He didn't even have energy to complain anymore. He just wanted his friend back. (Which, admittedly, didn't sound healthy, but he didn't care. He just wished Meng Yao stayed with him.)

He could have even become his husband, if he wanted to join a family! After all, it was much better to become the husband of the heir to a clan, than to be accepted as the bastard son who wasn't even the spare.

It was frustrating. But Nie Huaisang worked on accepting it. (It was harder than saber practice with his demanding and ruthless Da-ge.)

Days turned into weeks, and Nie Huaisang's mood showed no sign of improving. He was determined to prove himself, not as the mini Nie Mingjue, but as a more competent Nie Huaisang. But no matter how hard he tried, thoughts of Jin Guangyao continued to haunt him. As he went about his duties, he couldn't shake the feeling of loss. And yet, despite his bitterness, Nie Huaisang couldn't help but hope that his friend would find a way to prove his worth, even in the hostile environment of Lanling. Nie Huaisang was sure that if there was such person, it was definitely his friend who would be able to do that. He was smart and resourceful, determined and objectively amazing.

While his emotions towards Jin Guangyao were quite distracting, the responsibilities he had been running from for his whole life seemed to be determined to drown him. Every task, every training and lesson felt like a mountain to climb. His father’s and brother's legacies, the clan’s expectations, and his own feeling of inadequacy all mixed into a crushing burden. He spent hours in the library, poring over ancient manuscripts, most of the time not out of genuine interest, but out of a desperate need to distract himself from his spiraling thoughts.

He attended every training session, engaged more actively in clan meetings, and tried to put his feelings behind him. He threw himself into his studies, focusing on strategy and planning, areas where he could be use. He started developing new techniques for the clan, to reduce the issues with saber cultivation, to mitigate the negative effects of their violent style.

Nie Huaisang’s transformation didn’t go unnoticed. The clan members began to see him in a new light, recognizing his contributions. And while nothing was easy, and each day felt like it was a challenge to even get up from his bed, it was good to be accepted.

It was good to be recognized as Nie Huaisang.

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