#this is really cruel
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we were sitting on the floor and i was cutting out tiny pictures to make a collage for a friend's birthday. you were on your phone and you laughed about something, and i was still in love with you then, so i asked what had you giggling.
"sorry. i was just..." you took a moment and went back to texting. "i was telling someone about how you're afraid of the dark."
i'm afraid of the dark because something bad happened. "oh." i felt a little slinky of shame crawl down my throat.
you glanced up, and maybe it showed on my face, because you rolled your eyes and held the phone to the side casually so i could see the group chat. "what? was it a secret?"
i looked down to the scissors in my hand. "i just..." no, it's not a secret. it just felt like something private, something serious. saying why would you tell someone that just feels like an accusation. it's unfair. i honestly am not even ashamed of it, it's just a fact about my person that i don't usually share.
what a strange experience. is this a human thing or a generational thing? for our grandparents: did they need to worry about how quickly someone can just... share your personal information? again, i didn't even really have a true objection. what could i say? i want any person in my life to feel they can be honest with their friends. it's not like i said don't tell anyone this.
i cut out another letter to complete the rainbow happy birthday, started hunting for the exclamation mark. i heard you sigh dramatically.
"don't make a big deal about this," you said.
this entire conversation was a pattern for us, and this was when we got to my least favorite part of the pattern. i would get my feelings hurt in some oblique not-technically-terrible way, and then it would be making a big deal about something. you'd get frustrated for me for being soft, but i was born soft. you knew i was soft when you pierced me. it's one of the things that made controlling me so easy.
"i'm not," i felt my voice crack. the question came without my wanting. "why are you guys talking about me?" and why are you saying that thing? why not like - i'm telling them how you're generous and kind and pretty.
you let out this low, tragic groan. "oh my god." you tossed the phone away from your body. "there, see? i just won't talk to them if you don't like it."
the rest of the hour went the way it always went, between us: i said i don't actually mind if you talk to your friends but -, you found a way to call my minor expression of discomfort "being dramatic." you got upset that i had been offended. i ended up apologizing, even though i hadn't actually done anything.
afterwards, you picked up the phone again. after texting for a little bit, you snorted. "okay," you said, "but it is kind of funny you're afraid of the dark. i mean, when you think about it."
#spilled ink#writeblr#i'm trying to write about this really specific and wierd new experience#that i think is specific to the internet generation#where people you trust can just... say whatever??? and while most people are trustworthy#sometimes they'll just like... put ur shit out there????#and the thing is that sometimes it's GOOD - i want you to tell ppl if ur partner is being cruel!!!!!#i want u to be like ''hey is it normal if xyz happens'' ... but stuff like ''she's afraid of the dark''#PARTICULARLY when it's CLEARLY making fun of me....#what is the point of that.#this is huge and complicated and happens outside of romantic relationships too btw#like someone u thought of as a friend will be like . oh did u know she's scared of heights and it's like.#girl why are u fuckin doing that tho?#it's not a SECRET i just ...???????????????????????#and i think that gross feeling of like -- ''i can't REALLY be upset bc there's not a TRUE RULE about this....''#it's just not something talked about. bc it's so specific and yet so complex#bc how could i say like '' this is a violation of trust'' when it... technically I GUESS isn't????????????#idk maybe im just like super sensitive but please tell me in the comments/tags/etc if this is#something u have experienced (a trusted person like spreading ur shit) and if u were cool with it
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"D-Don't worry about me! Focus on helping the little one, okay?" 🌠 panel redraw of @laikascomet
#laikas comet#laika's comet#laika bones#yue bones#(? i dug a lil bit but if that's not his last name im a silly goose!!)#panel redraw#animation#gif#animated comic panel#lc laika#lc yue#original art by willow woods / fourleaf / fourleafisland / the original author!!#i made this a little after this page came out and then didnt post it because i kept waiting to add the book lol#i will say it every time if you havent read laikas comet you should read laikas comet#definitely one of my all time faves#also this is a really compressed gif (tumblr quality is cruel) but i might rb this with the mp4 version#doing the border effects in after effects was so much fun i wanna try something composition intensive again but with davinci resolve#animation done in flipaclip and background in procreate :]#okay bye ily have a good day!
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i love the DLC man
#elden ring#miquella the unalloyed#promised consort radahn#I’ve been thinking about how despite all the talk of age of compassion… Miquella’s first spell as a god is an offensive incantation#with a wide af damage radius 💀💀💀#meanwhile Marika who built her age upon violence… her spells are all healing and defense buffs#and her first spell as a God is a little tree that heals a wide area#she was still trying to heal her ppl to the bitter end AND gunning for revenge. there’s a kind of heartbreaking honesty to it#the cruel irony in the DLC story is crazy#really show how badly Miq had strayed from his original path after forsaking Trina#then that meme pops in my head ajshsjhsjhs#now i do think the vow is two-way btw Radahn just got cold feet near the end#the only thing i dont like about the DLC is i cant draw jokes without explaining I LOVE THESE CHARACTERS i think their actions are valid !!#like having to pull up a whole lore presentation slide for this#yes i think it's funny as hell that Miq did show Radahn why he should not fuck around and find out
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Bingqiu AU where Luo Binghe's the chosen village sacrifice to the evil deity who lives up the mountain.
Normally the village sends maidens, but they've more or less run out of expendable girls of the right age and, ahem, "virtues". So of course Luo Binghe's early life bad luck kicks in. In the wake of his mother's death there's no one to really care about what happens to him, he's fairly pretty, and the village leaders decide that if they dress him up like a girl the teenaged homeless kid should pass well enough. And hey, y'know, he's probably got a hard life ahead for him anyway -- dying in a brothel of some venereal disease or on the streets of exposure or starvation. At least as a sacrifice, everyone else gets to benefit from his loss! And the kid will get added to a shrine and be remembered as a hero! If anything, he should be happy about this!
Binghe is not happy about this.
But he's also a skinny underfed nobody who is easily overpowered, dressed up like a bride, and tied to a post. So. Not much he can do but wait for the evil deity to come and do whatever horrible thing he's gonna do to him.
Meanwhile, Shen Yuan is pretty sure he's been isekai'd into the over-powered hero of some kind of supernatural adventure story? He's not totally sure because he doesn't recognize the setting, but the signs are there. He's got a shrine-like base of operations (though it seems to have become corrupted/ruined, probably he has to restore it somehow), he has a very resilient and handsome new body with spiritual energy of some kind flowing through him, and a very clearly magical sword. Plus lots of neat starter powers! Though it feels like he has other abilities that have been blocked somehow? Probably he has to level up in order to access them.
When he treks out of his "base" and finds what seems to be a distressed maiden, he takes it for his beginner hero mission. The girl claims that she's been doomed to be sacrificed to an evil god. That sounds a little above Shen Yuan's pay grade for dealing with, so he unties her and decides that they had better just get out of the whole region altogether. He already packed up anything useful from his base, anticipating he might get caught up in an adventure once he left, so they follow the river away from the settlement until they reach another one.
While they travel, Luo Binghe tells Shen Yuan about the cursed deity, Shen Qingqiu, who was cast out of the heavens for slaughtering one of his brethren and has apparently being do-who-knows what to maidens from the local village in exchange for his "protection" ever since. Sounds like a real asshole! And also mid-level boss type bad guy at least. Shen Yuan hopes he doesn't have to fight him, but he probably will.
Thank goodness he found Binghe, though! Clearly the helpful little sister type! He's definitely going to require her assistance if he's going to figure out how to navigate this world and level up his skills enough to take on a god.
#svsss#bingqiu#scum villain's self saving system#scum villain#luo binghe: I don't know why the evil deity toys with me this much but as long as he is amused then he's not killing me#luo binghe: each day he lets me live is another blessing especially since I have no hope of escape#luo binghe: is it for some sick amusement that he drags me to and from the dens of monsters and feigns ignorance?#luo binghe: if I reveal that I know the truth will the ruse end? does he do this with all his sacrifices?#luo binghe: or is he toying with me because he knows that I'm not really a maiden at all? standing on this knife's edge is unbearable#luo binghe: and yet somehow this is the most stable my life has been ever since the death of my poor mother#luo binghe: the world is cruel -- perhaps if I become whatever it is this god desires I might be shielded from more of it for another day#luo binghe: wait I have heavenly demon blood? then... perhaps my dark master considers me a suitable companion thanks to this?#luo binghe: are we two companions in this wretched world? outsiders sharing scorn and thus only able to find solace in each other?#luo binghe: is this what it feels like to care and be cared for? it's been so long I had almost completely forgotten it#shen yuan: gosh these upgrades are getting convoluted I wish I had a skill menu or something#shen yuan: oooh neat a slime! easy exp!
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PALESTINIAN FAMILY FORCED TO RESTART FUNDRAISING - PLEASE DONATE!
PROGRESS: £520 / £35,000
a little while ago, I was contacted by Amal Abushaban, a Palestinian mother of 5, for help regarding her Gofundme campaign.
In summary, after spending months raising over $13,000 for her family, she attempted to withdraw the money. She did everything right, she answered Gofundme's questions, she provided the details of her beneficiary and she contacted their support team - only to be left in the dark until an email came one day, notifying her that her campaign had been closed and all donations were now in the process of being refunded.
I tried kicking up a major fuss about it online, as well as trying to pester Gofundme Support on my own account, but all it did was send me in circles as I desperately pleaded for the Gofundme Support person I was assigned to at least re-instate the damn fund. Even worse, Amal got her first email today about refunds going through.
Regrettably, Amal is being forced to start over completely in her fundraising efforts. Her beneficiary has started this Paypal fund for her. Please donate and share!
PROGRESS: £520 / £35,000
#with my whole chest. fuck gofundme#the way that their support page has a pre-made response encouraging people to donate to ukraine#while theyre actively sabotaging palestinian gofundmes and intentionally cancelling them or holding up funds for banal reasons#fuck you to fucking hell#the hypocrisy is astounding#or do a genocided people only deserve support when theyre white#the way that i know for a fact this has happened MULTIPLE TIMES BEFORE#fuck gofundme and their zionist bullshit asses#sucking up to genocidal entity of the US. fucking cowards.#the one place where palestinians might gain a semblance of hope for escape and even they fail them.#please donate to amal. i really can't imagine this kind of desperation#the worst part of it is that there isnt even a workable alternative#they know they hold all the power here and they use it to be unimaginably cruel#palestine#free palestine#free gaza#donations#free west bank#fundraiser
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I love the vibe of this Alternate Jude card from the Enemies & Lovers game.
Credit frostbite.studios
#you know the more time that passes the more i wish all the art weren't yassified versions of the characters#but i do still really love the art#it just feels like a missed opportunity#but whatever#enemies and lovers game#holly black#tfota#the cruel prince#jude duarte
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post magic reveal merlin who is so used to working in the shadows and continuing on as if he wasn’t dying the night before disappearing for a day and showing up like nothing happened until someone points out blood seeping through his clothes and merlin going “oh! whoops! lol” and arthur has a heart attack
#bbc merlin#merlin emrys#arthur pendragon#fanfiction#fanfic#fic ideas#prompts#silly guy#merlin limping around with a smile on his face#arthur is conflicted and isnt sure if he should feel concerned or jealous#once he finally cracks merlin and gets the truth#concern wins out#this pattern continues and arthur is Frustrated#merlin has this habit so deeply ingrained in him that he really isnt sure how to stop#he starts slowly with lancelot and dragging that poor man into his schemes and plots#then lancelot is able to decide if merlin should have back up or not#but lancelot always finds arthur and tells him whats going down just so hes aware#lancelot does not want to be middle man#destiny is cruel#merthur
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I'm ngl i kinda wish people wouldn't look at a character I create, see that they're mean, and then immediately assume by default they're actually super tragic and a sad woobie. And I'm not even saying this to be like "people need to appreciate 2-dimensional villains!" because I don't agree with those people either.
It's like if a character is a jerk, it either needs to be justified with a sad backstory, or they need to be a saturday morning cartoon villain. it can't just be a part of their personality.
#txt#like the amount of people who seem to think scylla is going to be revealed as this poor battered puppy who needs love is... a Lot#there's not much to really indicate it. its just expected for some reason.#and to be clear i do really enjoy both interpretations (if handled well).#i definitely think powers fits the former and luvart fits the latter.#but we gotta accept that sometimes a jerk character is just. a jerk. they may have their own reasonings for it. but it doesnt need to be#tragic or unfounded. sometimes people are assholes for cultural reasons or different views. whats cruel to us isnt cruel to them. etc
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I hate when you’re reading an interesting fic and then they through in some stupid subtle anti Jedi thing like ‘Oh the Jedi don’t have mattress because comfort leads to the dark side’ and it’s just like. no the Jedi didn’t do that, don’t be stupid, and so now you just can’t enjoy the fic.
#star wars#pro jedi#anti jedi bashing#the Jedi aren’t stupid#or cruel#having a mattress doesn’t lead to the dark side#that’s just stupid#the Jedi didn’t believe that#and the temple was a lovely place to live#I’m ranting on tumblr because I’d feel bad doing this in the comment section of a fic#but it really annoys me#this isn’t a clone wars reference#it’s because of this fic I was reading
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There’s something so raw about the image of Cardan with his sleeves rolled up washing the blood off Jude’s hands, after he’s ruined his velvet jacket to stop her bleeding. It’s one of the moments where we clearly see how much he cares for her. He wouldn’t let the guards touch her, despite—from his perspective—not having any way of knowing she wasn’t there to kill him. On top of that, he declares to the palace crowd that Jude is the rightful Queen of Elfhame, who is not in exile, stunning everyone. And then later tells Jude that he had been terrified, not of her but for her.
“It was terrifying,” he says, “watching you fall.”
“Mortals are fragile,” I say. “Not you,” he says in a way that sounds a little like a lament. “You never break.”
Jurdan are wild because they may not have been able to verbalise what they felt for each other, nor even admit it to themselves, but it showed through their actions anyway.
#this was maybe the moment cardan really warmed up to me#and later jude’s like damn i hogged his bed this whole time crap#like guaranteed jude he was just scared he might lose you he didnt give one damn about u getting blood on his sheets#he was terrified for you he said as much!#ahhhhh#jurdan#jude duarte#cardan greenbriar#jude x cardan#the queen of nothing#the cruel prince#the queen of nothing spoilers#tfota#the cruel prince spoilers#AHHHHHHHH
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today i love the red metal crane in her long neck arching her body over the boston skyline, which means i am okay for a moment. when i am unwell, everything is a little ugly. i always tell myself look for the beauty but when it is bad, i will look at birds and sunsets and little ducklings and feel absolutely nothing.
when my brother got his puppy, i was in a deep depression. what kind of monster isn't affected by a puppy. i was gentle and kind to her - i just didn't have an emotional reaction. she's five now and i feel like i spend all of our interactions apologizing to her - i don't know why. i just didn't feel anything. how embarrassing. i feel like if i admit that, i'll seem cruel and jaded. it comes in waves. like, two months ago when i went out into the world - it was like that. life behind a pane of stormglass. a firework could go off over your head - nothing. like dead skin, no reaction. not to ice cream or rainbows or baby chickens. life foggy and uninteresting.
i love goslings again. i love their little webbed feet splayed over grass. i love good food and live music and long walks. i like puppies. i feel like some kind of my soul has been starved - i keep staring at everything with wide eyes, trying to burrow the sensation into my stomach. it's real. beauty is real. when it's bad again, remember this. i stop and smell the flowers, feeling cliche in the moment. i like the white-to-red ombre of my neighbor's roses. i like colorcoding and yoga and cold drinks. i try to pass my hands over every moment, feeling like i'm squeezing joy out of every instant. remember this. for the love of god, it's real - just remember this.
#and yet i NEVER DO REMEMBER IT#spilled ink#writeblr#i feel like due to tiktok ppl think >#deeply depressed & not having an emotional reaction to things MUST mean#you are cruel or uncaring#like girlie that is STILL a lack of mental illness awareness. it doesn't make us mean#it just means im like. ohhhh im not well. i don't really react to puppies. that's bad#Im still gonna be super nice to the puppy. like it just doesn't bring me joy.#bc the problem i have is CLINICAL. the dopamine ISNT being made.#but PLENTY of us are still kind#considerate.#GENTLE people. even if we're like '..........' all the time.#i actually think this is why i'm harsh on people who are so mean - you don't need to be emotionally attached to someone/thing#in order to be kind.... you just choose to be kind bc it's the right thing to do#not bc it's easy....... like it's extra effort sure. but it's worth it. bc ppl deserve kindness.#it's hard to describe this bc it's the ugly side of depression. the part that's like#not in netflix - the part where it's like ''i love this person. i just don't feel anything''
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in a mood (ID in alt)
#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#trigun maximum#doing straight up nothing with the bestie. really good activity of doing nothing#i mainly drew this just so i can test how itd be not drawing their faces bc i Love drawing their faces a little too much.#maybe ill throw them in a more intense situation next time i try it bc it just ended up focusing on wolfwood and his silly newspaper#he's reading the news... cruel happenings all around no mans land... have to keep up to know where to go next and where to avoid#but theres also some guy in the same room being distracting as hell. i think they can coexist without bothering each other but theyd#be so painfully aware of the other person... both of them usually have tended to their own space after all for years. ww especially i think#would be easily distracted with vash's presence bc he's spent 2 years thinking about him already (for his mission...)#and thinking about vash is a Little easier than dealing with his personal anguish#though it can definitely overlap too. and sometimes its not that bad. sometimes its just vash's hand feeling unexpectedly nice and gentle#ruporas art
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a little late to deny the kiss pv
#no i wont explain what made me draw this#crk fanart#cookie run kingdom#pure vanilla cookie#shadow milk cookie#shadowvanilla#pureshadow#vanilla milkshake#my drawbs#fanart#OKAY FINE I LIED I WILL EXPLAIN#this may slightly connect w the other comic i did with touchstarved sm#in the way that he very much forcefully dragged pv in a widdle smooch (not widdle at all)#and got the urge to give him a little bite (not little he is bleeding)#OH the hypocrisy to say sm can touch him whenever he wants yet deny a little kiss!! so cruel of pv!!#but pv didnt fight against it really hard until he was bitten
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félix's attitude towards adrien is so fucking funny. like yeah, he'll shove cheese under his pillow. yeah, he'll sabotage his relationships. yeah, he'll mock him to his face and frame him for assisting a terrorist. but he also (before deciding later to add kagami and marinette) hatched a plan to make them the last two people on earth together. like felix was legitimately like "man the world would be so much better if it were only adrien and i. sigh. then we could hang out all the time." talk about mixed messages. how does adrien interpret this
#ml spoilers#ml s5 spoilers#emotion spoilers#ml emotion#legitimately though it's really interesting and i love it#something something felix is jealous of adrien's ignorance but also protective of his vulnerability#something something jealous of the fact adrien has friends (unlike him) but also untrusting of them to not be cruel#something something hates how much adrien reminds him of himself but loves how adrien is one of the only ones in the same boat as him#all mixed in with something something felix is traumatized and actually not very emotionally stable and also 14
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Cruel and Unusual Punishments (the PSA episode).
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#wen zhuliu#The pay off of the juicebox finally comes to fruition. Wen Zhuliu was diabetic and trying to mange his low blood sugar.#The theme of WWX's revenge kills is 'cruel and unusual punishments' which is very much what I'd consider this to be.#I know this is a funny jokes blog and a funny jokes comics but:#Hypoglycemia is a serious medical emergency. Do *not* prank anybody who relies on quick sugars by hiding their stuff.#I am lovingly skipping the other brutal torture scenes in this episode <3 They happened off screen but I'm not ready to draw that.#This is the end for Wen Zhuliu. Mr. Core melting hand more like...uh...Snore Smelting hand (got 'em)#He feels like such a dominating and threatening force - and he has a lasting impact within the story.#And yet he is so spineless. He really is just the attack dog at the heels of the Wen Clan.#For all the airs he gives off about not *really* being 100% down with everything going on - he still goes along with it.#It's the most pathetic kind of evil in this world.#Rest uneasy in your grave Wen Zhuliu. No peace for you.
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Madam Yu is so much of a character in so little space, it's fantastic, and it's funny to me being also in the Scum Villain fandom because. She is very much set up on the same character framework as Shen Jiu. She's that same Kind Of A Guy.
But ofc her trauma foundation is in being a proud woman in a world that does not value womanhood, and without the social skills to get anyone to forgive her for it. So she's less violently fucked up than he is.
But like him, she's all twisted up around the sensation that her suffering is her own fault for being the wrong sort of person. Which is an unutterably fucking corrosive mindset.
And I really think that she doesn't in the least believe that her husband loved or had an affair with Cangse Sanren. She's humiliated that other people believe it, and furious that he's encouraged them to, but she doesn't think it's true.
What she thinks is that Jiang Fengmian liked Cangse Sanren. As a person.
And of course, he doesn't like her. Because who could? Yu Ziyuan is not the sort of person people like.
And then Jiang Cheng, her son who takes after her, is basically just an extension of herself. So obviously, his father doesn't like him, either.
And she says this. Out loud, in front of him. While having honestly a really embarrassing meltdown.
I'm sure one of the things driving it is worry, because as she'd just acknowledged even though she's now blaming her husband about it they have to send either Jiang Cheng or Jiang Yanli into the hands of the Wen or face reprisals, which she doesn't want to face either, and obviously Jiang Yanli would be toast.
But if your response to worrying about your kid is to make fun of him, yell at him, shame him, and shout that his father doesn't love him in a weird tantrum before storming out and going to your room where he isn't allowed, you are failing as a parent on such a fantastic variety of levels idk where to start.
#hoc est meum#yu ziyuan#very much a person defined by her insecurities#and we really need to embrace that more#she's strong and she's proud but she's also undisciplined and cruel and kind of pathetic#and utterly incapable of expressing emotion in a healthy way#mdzs
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