#this is not satire lol

[forestedlot]

if you’re a therian and wish you could get down on all fours and drink from a creek without worrying about getting brain eating amemobas i highly recommend a life straw because this is really the only practical use i can think of utilizing it for 😭

very species affirming

[madame-helen]

[cannibalchicken]

[mysharona1987]

[bixels]

I watched Starship Troopers tonight.

[hailkingcheeto]

Don't Call Us Nazis from Ruben Bolling via DailyKos

[the-most-humble-blog]

"The tag of my shirt touching my neck"

My brain:

😱

[erelyt]

[odinsblog]

Please, just remember to use hand sanitizer afterwards. More helpful advice under the cut.

Among my friends, the questions asked were not the typical moralistic questions of whether or not you should punch Nazis. Apparently, they viewed this less as a moral dilemma and more as a moral imperative. Instead, the questions revolved more around how to punch a Nazi most effectively.

As a martial artist with a special interest in practical self-defense, I decided that I could help tackle some of these; to create a Nazi-punching FAQ, in other words.

Should I wait for the Nazi to punch first?

While some would advocate this as a way to avoid any criminal or civil charges, this is generally a mistake, as this will normally happen only when they outnumber you 6 to 1, because all Nazis are cowards who skulk in the dark like cockroaches.

From a self-defense perspective, it is of paramount importance to seize the initiative. If you allow your opponent to have the initiative, it puts you in a reactive state and at a severe disadvantage.

Preemption is thus greatly preferred and can be rationalized as long as you can articulate why you struck first and why this constituted legal self-defense. A sincere belief that you were under immediate risk of bodily harm normally suffices for this. Why did you feel you were in immediate danger? Because he’s a fucking Nazi, that’s why.

What’s the best way to make the punch count?

Contrary to popular belief, the most effective strikes are rarely punches. Unless you have trained in self-defense and are used to punching things (plenty of no-gloves bag-work, etc), I recommend AGAINST punching with a closed fist. While it can be a very effective strike, it also opens the striker up to injury — breaking the metatarsal bones in the hand is very common, as is damage to the wrist from poor alignment. For this very reason, most martial arts gloves also incorporate wrist-stabilization.

Instead, I would recommend open handed “power bitch-slaps” to get your point across, or better yet, go with a solid elbow. It’s the hardest point on your body so is nearly impervious to injury, and be sure to get your hips into the action for full effect.

How can I throw a punch without looking like I’m “Heil Hitler-ing”?

If you can get close enough, making it look like your “Seig Heil”-ing is an excellent way to make it look like you’re not a threat. I recommend the eyes or throat as targets while striking with a spear-hand technique.

If you’re worried about looking like a Nazi supporter to others standing nearby, make sure your punch is a left-handed one. It’s important to train the off-hand punches too, and this is a great reason why.

A left-hook cannot be confused with an alt-right.

Does the headbutt have a role here?

The head butt is an extremely effective and common technique that is best applied if you are British and/or a “soccer hooligan”.

This technique is also an excellent preemptive strike that I discourage only because it means you have to get even closer to the fucking Nazi to utilize.

What if you’re too short to headbutt the Nazi?

You can crouch slightly and explode up and into the underside of the chin, it’s a personal favorite headbutt of mine and doesn’t require being tall.

I’m short and have weak shoulders. Is it acceptable to kick a Nazi in the bollocks instead?

If you can find them, yes. Be aware that they’re likely to be tiny and withered if they have any at all.

While the groin is indeed a very tender area and a way to immediately get the full and undivided attention of any pussy-grabbing Nazi nearby, be aware that it’s also an area that all boys and men have been accustomed to guarding their entire lives (mostly from other boys and men who think it’s hilarious to hit their “friend” there when they aren’t expecting anything).

It should be viewed as a target of opportunity, but there are often easier ones presented.

How do you make it look accidental?

I recommend a trip and an “accidental” elbow. When you go to apologize and help him up, make sure to accidentally step on something. Preferably his groin, though that might look bad if on camera.

I do highly recommend, once again, to re-stomp the groin as a solid disengagement technique.

I have a multiple part question, just in case I am feeling especially giddy at the opportunity to punch a Nazi. 1) Can I punch more than once? 2) How much is too much? 3) Best technique for throwing multiple punches. 4) When I do get tired, can I rest & then resume punching?

These are all excellent questions, and require multifaceted answers. First of all, punching more than once is primarily a matter of situational awareness. Is the Nazi alone? If he has friends nearby, then the sniper method is best; hit him hard and fast, and leave quickly. See Richard Spencer’s excellent demos for examples of this. The same may apply if there is a local law enforcement presence, as they are unlikely to understand the nuance of the situation.

2) If the Nazi is alone, then punching more than once is more likely to be fully efficacious. How much is too much? Well, if he renounces his terrible worldview and makes a sincere pledge to turn his life around, you should probably stop.

3) The best techniques for throwing multiple punches? To be honest, flurries of punches are far more likely to result in abrasions, breaking your hand or damaging your wrist than a single shot would. If you can obtain a mounted position such as in MMA, you’d be advised to rain down elbows instead. If you can’t maintain a mount and still feel the need for multiple strikes, I recommend using a force multiplier. This can be any common object within easy reach. A protest sign, a rock, another Nazi… you get the idea.

4) Make sure to retain situational awareness before attempting this. It’s probably best to just go home by now, especially if there’s anyone nearby who may have misinterpreted your discussion and contacted law enforcement.

The fact that I am German makes me uniquely qualified for Nazi punching, since it potentially would confuse the to-be-punched Nazi that someone from the Vaterland would attempt to rearrange their facial structures. What’s the best way to take advantage of this?

Get close, speak German, click your heels in the Prussian manner as, with a slight bow, you bring your forehead down on the bridge of his nose. It could be an accident.

Okay, I’m done punching this Nazi. What’s the best way to disengage without risking a counterattack?

Well, if he’s still conscious, I’d utilize the advice of Master Ken, and always re-stomp the groin. If he’s unconscious, the same advice applies.

(source)

[chlorinatedpopsicle]

Females be like "I'm scared of being assaulted/kidnapped/murdered 😢." Meanwhile, males literally have to deal with FOG so stfu.

Oh okay I get it now. The joke is that females don't possess the intellectual capacity for deep thinking and also that deep thinking is scarier /more emotionally taxing than constantly being at risk for violence. That makes sense. (?????????)

[randominternetindividual]

Why I won't eat vegetables (with pictures):

This shit looks like grass wtf people walk on that shit.

2. EVIL EVIL EVIL EWWHHH-

3. Rabbit food!!! Do I look like a rabbit to you??? NO!!!

Thanks for your time.

[madame-helen]

[cannibalchicken]

your friends love you, your brain is just mean

[tigerbears]

[indecisitivity]

god don't you just hate people who overtag posts with the most inane unrelated tags and currently trending tags just to increase visibility

[the-most-humble-blog]

Back in my day, turtles ate pizza, not trauma. What the hell happened to our heroes in a half shell? 🐢🍕