#this is not normal friend behavior and thinking it is is toxic af

[3-2-1-annihilation-station]

"Phoenix and Edgeworth are just friends!"

Ah, yes. Dedicating your entire life and career in hopes of just meeting the one guy who defended you once in fourth grade is just something friends do.

So is doing it again just because he asks you to even though the process to get it back is extremely difficult, the job has gotten you routinely injured, and you've been out of it for seven years.

Having a scrapbook entirely dedicated to him too is also something friends just do along with calling him Daddy while you're both at work in what is supposed to be an extremely professional setting. Same with the guy also inexplicably having a picture of you wet and shirtless just lying around.

That's totally just friend stuff, yeah. Ain't nothing to see here.

**Edit:**Some people are taking this post as an attack on ace people, people who just believe they’re friends, or is saying that Phoenix’s behavior is fine and normal if it’s romantic but suddenly not if it's just purely platonic.

Spoiler alert: it’s doing none of those things.

This post is simply pointing out the sheer insanity of Phoenix’s behavior and how what he does is not by any stretch what friends typically do for each other and nor is it healthy, regardless of the circumstances. It is just saying that while it would still be incredibly unhealthy, it being romance based would have it make a lot more sense.

[astrobydalia]

September Observations

This post has a TW I do not allow the repost on any others platform

© astrobydalia

Something I forgot to mention in this post about 8th house synastry!! I've noticed for some reason this overlay tends to manifest more positively when the house person already has 8th house placements in their natal chart (not a guarantee tho). I feel like its because this makes the house person be more naturally in their power and the planet person no longer feels like they can have control over the house person. In these cases instead of envy the planet person feels admiration and "positive" obsession over the house person like "Im obsessed with you, queen!🥰​😍​🤩​" kinda vibe

If Libra Moons didn’t have the ability to detach fast they could easily pass as water moons 100%. They are such hopeless romantics and love having someone to love be that friends or partners. And yes they can be codependent but only to an extent imo. I’ve seen Libra Moons actually detach surprisingly fast specially if they feel like you don’t match their energy

Im sorry but Libra Suns are not people you can count on imo. They have this very elitist/opportunistic mindset when it comes to people. They treat people based on some kind of unspoken social hierarchy they have in their minds like how successful or intelligent or interesting you appear to be for example. They'll be loyal for as long as they see benefit from associating themselves with you, otherwise they'll be distant, elusive and flighty af. Socially they appear to be super chill but they aren’t like at all, they’re very passive-aggressive and extremely judgmental of others

If you have Venusian MC/10th house (Libra or Taurus MC/10th or Venus in the 10th house), I've noticed people care what you think of them and really feel the need to make a good impression on you, specially the sex you're attracted to romantically. This placement makes people feel like your love and affection is a privilege to have, that’s why a lot of trophy wives have venusian 10th house/MC

Jupiterians (Pisces/Sagittarius but specially Sagittarius placements) are just the best people to be around tbh. Even when they have other toxic placements/energies in their charts, I’ve noticed they are ultimately all about the ✨vibes✨. They detach from negativity quite fast and avoid getting too deep into drama and controversy cause really all they want is to chill and have fun. The “no worries, bro” kinda people. The negative side of this tho is they tend to turn a blind eye when they get called out on their own issues and/or have a tendency to be dismissive when it’s time to take things seriously

^^^You’d say Venusians relate to this peaceful description too but tbh I didn’t include them cause Venusians tend to have a lot of repressed shit and are secretly all about drama (but watching it go down from afar tho)

I’ve noticed water mercury tend to be more diplomatic and charming with their words, the way they speak about things tends to be more soothing yet nebulous/confusing/cryptic. However earth mercuries are more direct and critical which makes them more prone to openly talking shit LMAO

There's a lot of posts victimizing and romanticizing Lilith in the 1st house/conjunct the ASC but I've seen this placement a lot in bullies and genuinely fraudulent people?? I've seen Lilith energy is commonly prominent in the charts of criminals too. Like​ idk why people act like the hate Lilith gets is ALWAYS unjustified 💀 They can truly be really dark and shady individuals that’s literally what Lilith signifies (this does not apply to everyone of courseeeeee)

Furthermore, I'm sorry to say this but prominent Lilith natives have a habit of living too much in the victim mindset and constantly make everyone else the problem as a way to justify their shitty behaviors

What I’ve noticed with Lilith natives who are not sketchy people (so just normal decent individuals) is that they have huge self-destructive and self-derogatory tendencies. They tend to become very cynical of the world, lose hope in their own value and humiliate themselves behaving in ways that are rebellious to them but make other people think the native has no self-respect

Libra/7th house Lilith tend to assume the worst in others. Envy placement. They struggle finding genuine and healthy relationships

I've noticed MC ruler in the 12th house is common in the charts of sex workers since 12th house is related to bed pleasures, secret affairs, etc

The sign that actually behaves like a child irl is Gemini. That’s why I've noticed Gemini placements always want to be the 'cool and fun parent' just like Phil Dunphy

TW: mentions of c**** abuse and s******.

I've noticed Cancer energy (Leo too but mostly cancer) is very common in the charts of p*dos, gr**mers and s*xual predators. No placement will determine someone being this way!!!

Chiron in the 1st house/conjunct the ASC/Harshly aspecting chart ruler is common in the charts of people who have or have tried to commit s******

End of TW

An underrated god complex indicator is Sun-Mercury conjunction. I can't stress enough how much these people's ego revolve around their intellect. Their entire personality to them is being the smartest person in the room

When it comes to pride and ego (Sun) fixed and mutable suns are the most likely to have a superiority complex

Mutable Suns take the most pride on their own knowledge and judgment, deeply believe they know better or have most if not all the answers. They have a tendency to often dismiss, correct or contradict others

Fixed Suns take pride in their own ‘essence’ if that make sense. They LOVE the idea of being special and irreplaceable. Feeling like there’s something intrinsically unique about them

Cardinal Suns are okay tbh. They can have other negatives but when it comes to ego theirs is usually pretty balanced I noticed. They usually take pride in their ability to level-up and improve themselves which often makes them rather competitive or in extreme cases have this heavily predatory mindset when it comes to what they want

This will not be accurate for everyone of course but when it comes to future children if you have Water/Earth moon you are most likely to have girls whereas if you have Air/Fire moon you're more most likely to have boys

Air Venus people are the most open-minded when it comes to taste in general. I've noticed they're the type to enjoy almost every music and movie genre, they can appreciate different aesthetics.... They're also the most likely to date outside their race I've seen cause they can really find beauty in all sort of features as long as it looks overall good/attractive to them. It's not that they don't have preferences, but they're type be open to being impressed and mentally stimulated

EARTH and Fire Venus people are the most selective when it comes to their taste. They know exactly what they want and like. In the case of earth Venus this can be to the point of strong reluctance to try new things. Fire Venus appear open minded cause they have this attitude of trying everything once but the usually have a very hard-set type of things they will actually commit to

Water Venus people aren't that open about their tastes. They hide or repress them cause they really tend to be into obscure or hidden stuff. If you ask them what they like, they'll give you an evasive and generic answer, specially if it's in the context of small talk

I've noticed Capricorn and Scorpio Moons have an innate understanding of the uglier sides of human nature which is what makes them pretty cynical (scorpio) and pessimistic (cap). They are hyper-aware of how most people can be bought and corrupted. This makes them AMAZING business people tho.

Aries ASC natives embody the active, wild and spontaneous stereotype more than the other aries placements. They come across as pretty chill at first but there's actually very little they won't dare to do, they love adventures

I've noticed Venusians can do really good in anything related to sales or business counseling, because they are good at estimating and promoting the value of things

I know we relate Neptune to otherworldly and glamorous vibe but all the people that I've met who made me go "wow, girl, you don't feel real" were people who had air signs in their big 3. They’re not real people, they’re concepts, I swear that’s the vibe they give me💀💀

Also, air signs in the big 3 is an underrated fame/success indicator imo. Nowadays networking is everything in order to succeed and these natives naturally attract popularity and connections SO easily. They effortlessly use their charm and likeness to gain opportunities

I once saw an observation that said Gemini risings give off dumb blonde energy and Im here to confirm it’s true, specially when Mercury is also in an air sign. This happens cause they're up in their minds all the time but this makes them appear VERY disconnected from their environment so they really just be looking like this 24/7 😀​😃​😄​😁​😆​🙂​ and that's why they come across as empty-headed. They also often have this manic pixie dream girl energy which results in people not taking them seriously. This is enhanced when you see that they have a tendency to get talkative about superficial or random topics but their more intelligent or deep thoughts they keep to themselves for some reason.

Taurus Moons actually are actually very very very strategic??? Other earth moons look messy af beside them. They're so grounded that they know exactly what they want, how they wanna get it and they are so sure of themselves they have no issue taking their sweet ass time with it. Every single step they take is so intentional and "organized" if that makes sense, but they pull it off as natural and spontaneous??

Also this is an obvious thing to say but Taurus Moons are so emotionally stable. They work extremely well under pressure, will literally be the calm person admist a chaos or extreme situation. I've seen Cap/Virgo moons getting triggered many times but Taurus moons???? I've known some of them for years and I've never seen them triggered EVER no matter happened which as a water moon that's fucking insane to me 😭​💀​💀​ Like sure depending on their personality they can be more or less expressive of their feelings but its always on their own terms, they don't let other people or situations just get reactions out of them if that makes sense

I've noticed Mercury in the 4th house creates a divided and scattered family. Just like Mercury in the 10th house indicates traveling for work, Mercury in the 4th indicates traveling because of your family. The people I've seen with this placement have all of their family members scattered around the world living completely different lives

Sun-Neptune harsh aspects are very impressionable people and very easily influenced

Also, a lot of people point out Sun-Pluto aspects have like a hidden dark/toxic side to their personality but I've seen it's actually Sun-Neptune that match this description

Libra placements can potentially be very disciplined and do well in demanding and/or serious occupations like corporate, military or athletes since Saturn is exalted in Libra.

Venus in the 1st house can tend to only value the superficially good things in them (lovable, likabale, beautiful, etc) and are more concerned with the image they present rather than building a real personality deep down. This make them ignore or downplay their flaws thus not reacting well to criticism and/or when someone does not like them.

All the men that I’ve met who were actually providers and had this involved father and husband vibes always had VIRGO, taurus and cancer placements

Men with capricorn placements aren’t providers, they’re just controlling af😭😭 They will also be emotionally distant and manipulative af too if they do not have other energies in the chart to balance it out

Honestly water suns (sun in a water house natives too) fascinate me. They just go around life casually hiding who they really are like they don’t have the most intricate personality deep down. All of them have mysterious and intriguing vibes it's not just scorpio!!!

5th house placements (including vertex) will stay behaving like teenagers regardless of their age. The song "forever young" by alphaville really describes them

Neptune in the 1st house/asc are prone to attracting lots and lots of creepy individuals because they have this aura where people project all sorts of delulu and twisted shit on them. Mentally and/or emotionally unwell people feel very attached to these natives unfortunately

Leo MC/10th house really does indicate a career where you're some kind of performer. That’s why many celebrities (specially ACTORS and singers) are Scorpio risings. This can also apply to careers like politics, public speaker, standup comedian, etc. All of these involve some level of fame ofc

Cancer MC/10th house indicates being some kind of creator (cancer=birthing something new, bringing something to life). This a lot of times relate to some art form of course but it can be other things for example a friend of mine has this placement and she works in science and she told me she works in a lab with substances and materials she created herself (idk how it works but you get the idea)

Pisces Suns have a major in gaslighting from the university of never taking responsibility. This can be the case for any unevolved pisces placement but I’ve noticed the lying to your face and twisting reality is much more blatant in Pisces Suns for some reason. They make arguments in such a way that you can tell something of what they’re saying is off but you can’t exactly prove them wrong either so 🤷🏽‍♀️💀

Mercurial placements (Gemini/Virgo) and Venus in the 3rd house may really love wearing rings or lots of bracelets, big watches, etc. Accessories that bring attention to the hands essentially

Libra placentas may or may not want to be "liked" but Libra Moon is a placement I've seen is genuinely liked by everyone. They have this calming and loving energy to them. Celebrities with this placement are generally unproblematic (Anne Hathaway, Emma Stone) or if they are problematic they can easily recover from backlash (Ariana Grande, Leo DiCaprio)

© astrobydalia

[cherryy-bullet]

An idea….

Currently thinking about how Cal was definitely toxic AF to Rachel. It was definitely the kind of thing where Rachel would invite the whole class to her birthday party, only for Cal to refuse to share the toys with the other kids and cause a scene. As they got older, and normal teenage insecurities started settling in, Rachel began hanging out with a more concrete group of friends. Still, she diligently tried her best to include Cal and integrate him into the group

He just wasn’t having it.

At group hangouts and parties, Cal would be moody and withdrawn. He’d make snide comments and leave early or lock himself in the bathroom half the time, effectively bringing down the mood and embarrassing Rachel. Her friends don’t quite understand what she sees in this guy.

He’s the type of person to complain to her afterward about how her new friends don’t like him and think he’s a weirdo, and how he hates how shallow they are, but if she tried to refute by bringing up his cold and standoffiish behavior, he’d close off from her, muttering that “she should just stop bothering with him then”

This guy will avoid her friends at all costs, and then get mad at her for not including him in their hangouts. He’ll criticize her friends all he wants, but as soon as she brings up her own concerns about his behavior and Andre’s, he’s like talking to a brick wall. Also the type to pull the “if you’d be so much better without me I guess I’ll just off myself” shit.

All of it leaves Rachel in a constant state of distress around Cal. She constantly feels like she’s walking on eggshells, never knowing what will set him off or what she’s done wrong. It hurts because despite everything, she still cares about Cal. In a some ways, Rachel feels the pressure of fitting in and behaving a certain way with her normal group of friends, as is the way for many adolescence. For her, Cal is almost like freedom, a place to where her darker thoughts and feelings will not be judged harshly. (Also, if she happened to have a small crush on him, then that’s between her and the universe)

It hurts her that he’s so distant from her friends, that he’s so unpredictable, that he spends so much time closed off with Andre instead of opening up to her. It’s so much worse after zero day as well, when she begins to see the truth that she feared all along: to Cal, Andre was important, Andre was an equal, and everyone else was just a speck of dust meant to fade away. She cared so much for this boy, and he never really cared about her.

[lmk-6earm4c-au-blog]

6Ears-Wifey posted to r/ispp Reasons Why 6Ears from ISPP is a GOOD PERSON (y'all are just mean) a comprehensive thread:

He is actually a real person. He doesn't try to act positive all the time, and he was actually a little gruff and awkward back in S1 when some fans would talk to him. I think he wasn't used to being online and all that interaction yet so you know he's not some narcissistic mastermind trying to manipulate the internet into loving him.

Wholesome af. Like SO WHOLESOME he reminds me of my happy autistic stimming moments when he starts gushing about his interests and projects on a stream, you can tell that he really cares about his work and has fun with it unlike some soul less productions out there and it's just so pure to see 🥺 more happy 6 moments pls and thanks

He's an Indie content creator when he could be SO MUCH MORE. He turned down deals and sponsorships from bigger companies.

Even after moving his plays to YouTube full-time, he still puts on part-time plays for FREE even if there's only one person. ESPECIALLY if there are kids. You know what tweet I'm talking about with the teacher whose students missed out on their field trip due to crazy weather and he let them inside his theatre and put on a free show. We stan 😍

This is my friend's story but she fell asleep after one of his shows and instead of being a creep because the whole place was empty, he let her use his phone to call me to pick her up and kept the theatre open past closing until I got there since it was raining and he was just so normal and nice the whole time and encouraged her to pursue her acting dreams if she wanted. 10/10 motivational speaker and 10/10 respectful behavior. Yeah she got into her first choice college btw 😉 love you bestie! you earned it 😘 and ty 6 you're literally an inspiration

The only acceptable 6 sightings are those where he's watching a family of ducklings cross the street before someone tried to run them over and protecting them and the one with the baby monkey on his head??? He's so sweet with animals too. This is NOT a simp post I'm just saying.

He's broke af but when a fan said they couldn't donate because of their situation he went and paypal-ed all the money he got from the livestream to them??? Hello sir???

He ADORES his VAs and you can really see that with Heir because he's younger and we love seeing a director who actually cares about the actors involved. He's always uplifting them and having to defend them against everyone's toxic 💩

Case in point: Get out of here with 6 negativity! You're not welcome in our fandom.

🕊 icarus-withstyle follow

FINALLY SOME GOOD FUCKING FOOD

source: reddit

🌊 gentle-waters follow

ALL HAIL 6EARS-WIFEY!!!!! 🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️

🥔 hakuna_patatas

[violentviolette]

Jack I have a question. Is this healthy or no?

So i am a very conflict avoidant person, but also an emotional bitch about everything all the time. I have over time learned to separate my emotions from logic though, and give space to both of them. The way I do this is that if someone upsets me but it’s not a genuine issue that needs communication on, I will tell them they’re okay/i’m okay, and then will vent the emotions elsewhere where they can’t see.

What I tell them is not a lie. I usually am not actually angry or whatever, but I have to give voice to my irrational emotions somewhere or it sticks in the back of my throat for the rest of the day/night/week/month (that’s not an exaggeration)

I only ask because people don’t seem to like or understand it so i don’t know. Am I insane? Am I being toxic? Or am I just being complicated™️? I dont know anymore.

My gf recently broke up with me over it so (someone sent her screenshots of my vents) :/

oh that sucks, im sorry someone did that because that is genuinely a normal and healthy thing like, we are going to sometimes think negative things about the people we love and care about. thats SUCH a normal human thing. ppl are going to get on our nerves or do things that bug us or any number of things and it is very much perfectly healthy to recognize when those feelings are either irrational or dissproportionate to the situation or just unhelpful or even mean and unfair, and instead of bringing any of that to the other person or putting that on them, to deal with those feelings privately away from them and then move on. like that is so incredibly normal and healthy a lot of people dont like that because a lot of people have issues with boundaries and control, and think that dating or being close friends with someone means ur entitled to their every thought and that anything u dont share with them is lying or hiding things from them. this is very unhealthy and can lead to lots of different kinds of abusive and negative behavior. we are all entitled to privacy, even from the people closest to us it sucks that someone showed her what should have been private conversations and its a p big breech of trust and boundaries on the part of that person. i'd be pissed af honestly. and it's understandable that ur gf was hurt by them, but since thats exactly the reason u didnt express any of that to her, it sucks that she saw them despite ur best efforts just to be very fair i will say that it's also understandable on her end that seeing them made her change her feelings and decide to break up, depending on the exact content of the vents it might have been hard to know u ever think of her that way or upsetting to know u speak about her that way to others. not saying the things u were saying were fucked up but ive known ppl who will vent about their partners with zero consideration for them as people and say things like "fuck that stupid bitch i hope she dies" or "she's just being a dumb whore" or other like deeply desparaging statements that go beyond expressing ur feelings and into value judgement of the other person and its understandable why someone would then immediately breakup with someone who speaks about them like that, even if its not to their face. so i feel like its an important contextual footnote that depending on the content of the vents it might make the situation less u healthily expressing ur feelings elsewhere and more its just not acceptable or okay to speak about a partner this way ever, even if its not to their face but again im not accusing u of that and am giving u the good faith benifit of the doubt that u were just having normal vents, which is not only absolutely a healthy thing, but is very much needed in relationships. u and ur partner should both of have spaces and circles outside of one another where u can speak and vent freely about eachother and get support and reassurance from other people without the involvment of ur partner at all. u both have a right to privacy from one another and u dont have to tell eachother ur every thought and ur allowed to have private feelings that u dont share with ur partner, even if those feelings are negative. those are basic and core parts of a healthy relationship so ur not just being toxic or insane.

[nogenderbee]

Hello so I thought I’d finally try a matchup and see who I get! I don’t mind if it’s a boy or a girl <333

What nickname would you call your lover? - I don’t really use that many nicknames but another version of their name or love

What are your hobbies? - I like writing, drawing, reading, singing, going on long walks

What’s your perfect date idea? - Probably a picnic or something like that. Something with a good amount of effort but is also really cute (I can’t think of any examples rn)

What’s something you hate in others? - people who are mean for no reason and are just toxic. Also consent is really important to me so if people don’t listen to that I am ready to strike >:)

What are your main 3-5 personality traits? - I’d say I’m pretty talkative to the people I’m close to, creative but also oblivious af. I’m also really empathetic and also sensitive according to my friend.

What activity/hobby do you like? - I like anything art and music related, also anything to do with storytelling

What activity/hobby don’t you like? - most competitive sports and doing things in public

Hiii! I'm so happy you decided to try it! So here it is~

I pair you with...

🥁🥁🥁

Ichika Hoshino!

⊱ as for nicknames, she's pretty used to "Ichi" so she definitely won't mind if you call her that! Or came iwth one yourself but that only depends on you~

⊱ of course you both like singing! And she also writes lyrics for her band so you both write and that's another thing in common! Then there are long walks, especially at night. She'd absolutely love to have slow walk with you while having her head up and admiring the stars

⊱ as for date ideas, she most definitely enjoys picnic dates! Maybe she's not the best at baking but she does gave friend that is good at it so she'll definitely use her help and bring you some handmade sweets! But some are definitely bought... But it's still the thought that counts, right?

⊱ as for your traits, she opens once you are close together so you both are pretty talkative together sometimes! And of course, she absolutely adores you creative side! So whenever she's struggle Ng sith lyrics, you'd be the first person she'd ask for help! As for your oblivious and sensitive side, one word... "protect". She'll literally explain to you anything you won't get and will try to step in if she sees someone is hurting your feelings. But point it out and she'll definitely blush a bit but won't deny her mother behavior towards you!

⊱ and finally, she's a bit good at storytelling since writing lyrics kinda helps her with it. But if you offer to tell her a story, her attention is all on you! And if it happens to get late, you may even get her to sleep if it's a bed story~

You and Ichika were calmly taking an evening walk around the streets, well you were actually slowly walking back home now. But this seemed to be just perfect for blue haired girl as she could just spend some time with you and look for first stars in the sky.

"I don't think any star will show up... maybe once we get closer to our house they'll appear...?"

She had kinda talking to herself right now more like but honestly you didn't mind answering. After all talks like these are normal for you. When she's just in her own world from time to time but is also always willing to go out from there and tell you what's on your mind.

"It's late evening so it is a possibility! If not, we can always look through window!"

"That's a good idea! But... what do you say we go for a stargazing date sometime? I enjoy our normal ones too but this just seems like something fun we could try..."

❉⊱•═•⊰❉⊱•═•⊰❉⊱•═•⊰❉⊱•═•⊰❉⊱•═•⊰❉⊱•═•⊰❉

[fuckityshitbang]

anyways while im on the subject (Ranting),

things ive learned from 2023 that i appreciate...

i've learned that the reason why i tend to burn myself out is because i have boundaries ive not really been aware of until this year. ive also learned that some things that dont personally bother me are not things to be tolerated per se - which ive always known, per my moral compass. for example, not my business if a friend of mine is cheating on someone on the low who i dont even know.. i cant associate with that kind of poor moral character, so i'd cut them out and tell them why. but even outside of stark moral compass things (with autism, it's very easy to stick to your moral guidelines as a compass without nuanced compromise), im observing things a little more carefully.

i lost a friend of 8 years this year. there's a lot more context that i dont want to give bc its elaborate and TMI even for me/for what im essentially using as a diary, but basically there was a harmless mutual attraction btwn the two of us, bc we're both capable of managing that and we'd had some history about 6y ago. however, just because i can do it doesnt mean other people can - or even he could, apparently. he tried to sleep w my gf twice, where there was also mutual attraction (it didn't happen, bc my gf isnt a monster). i've never dated someone he was attracted to in the duration of our friendship, so this revealed something intolerable to me - especially as he had a fiance, regardless of their messy past (because it was in the past).

so all that said, as an example, going forward, i wont foster these types of bonds. i do think attractions can be harmless - like i have friends im attracted to where i dont reciprocate, and so do other ppl i know. but where theres anything mutual, im going to stay away (which for me is gonna be rare af anyway). bc even if i trust myself, that always leads to messiness even if nothing happens. drama with your friends, etc, bc of allo shenanigans where sex causes drama. people treat sex with such casualness, but it's delusional; it always has an impact on community and social dynamics.

i've also learned a lot about my own behavior, and have learned that i have meltdowns - uncommon but humiliating, and now i've learned what facilitates them. pushing myself, etc.

it's made me realize i'm actually so uncomfortable all of the time, bc part of masking and passing in society and having normal connections and going thru the world normally... means im quite literally repressing myself. seems obvious, but the issue is, i didn't even feel it; i didn't and still don't even always notice.

i don't push myself so unkindly for the sake of other people OUT of some kind of people pleasing kindness.. it's literally just a toxic coping reflex from going around as a "cool", "hot" autistic person my whole life without realizing that's what was going on.

idk. i've always been self aware, but those parameters have branched out. i'm learning more about myself.

i hope with this i can learn to be a better lover, friend, and person.

[abysscronica]

Yo~~ ngl, I didn’t even notice birdie’s possessive behavior until that ask pointed it out 😂. but now it makes me wonder, what do aokiji and kid think of this? Ik kid’s possessive af, but i feel like he’d find possessive behavior annoying. As for aokiji, i just realized you prob can’t answer due to Bonds spoilers lol.

But now i’m wondering: if birdie decided to go along with tsuru and her legion, do you think birdie would be less messed up?? I’m beyond curious on birdie and aokiji’s past, and think (in my head anyway) that he’s somehow the cause to her behavior, like not following orders and just being difficult. But anyways, looking forward to when you get to Bonds!! Also, if I may ask for a tiny hint, will we get to see any kizaru/birdie interactions thru flashbacks maybe?

Hey, thank you for the ask! Sorry it took a while for me to get to it.

Let's get to the Kid part right away: a possessive birdie turns him on. I'm with you that he normally would find possessiveness (directed to him) very annoying, and he wouldn't stand for it with the random women he was messing around before, buuut... because birdie is such a tsundere, and he loooves teasing her, he gets off by seeing her getting jealous, and it amuses him when she tries to get his attention back. Because she always tries to play it cool like she's not really smitten with him, Kid loves seeing her forced to show her feelings. I guess everything is different when it's someone you really care for. 🤷‍♀️

Now, Aokiji! There are some hints in Captive that may partially answer your doubts, so I can get into them without turning spoilerish.

More than annoying, he finds birdie's possessiveness toward him somewhat concerning. Aokiji knows she's not independent and idealizes him way too much. We subtly get this feeling in a few instances: he wants her to decide for herself what to do with the ancient books, he leaves her alone during the ball so she can handle the social situation on her own and, at the very end, he wants her to say that she will be fine without him (which she fails to). There are other examples in the flashbacks.

At the same time, he doesn't do enough to address this issue, and it's not clear why. Did Aokiji really want her by his side all the time? Was it convenient? Did he think about her like his daughter? Was he simply too lazy? Because of this, yes, he enabled birdie's toxic/asocial/headstrong traits through her teens, so they dragged into her twenties and she never really learned how to connect with others.

The thing is, like you pointed out, we do not get Aokiji's POV in Captive, so it's hard to make out what he thinks. It's clear he cares about her to some extent, but not much else. You'll get some clarification in Bonds, although you'll probably have to wait for the very end.

I'd love to write some birdie/Kizaru interaction! I'll see if I can sneak something in Bonds.

Lastly, what if birdie had accepted Tsuru's invitation to enter her squad? Her social skills and behavior would be more developed, but... she likely would be just as unhappy. Birdie doesn't do well with women (she doesn't do well with humans, actually, but there are better chances with men), so she would probably feel like an outsider all the time anyway.

What could've actually been a game changer was joining Smoker's G5. There's mutual respect between birdie and Smoker/Tashigi, she could truly connect with them in due time. Plus, G5 men are the rascals of the Marines: birdie could do great among them. Not only she would benefit from a greater degree of freedom (with Smoker's trust), but as she rises through the ranks, she would have to keep in line men that are just as difficult as her, so she'd learn first-hand how much of a pain in the ass she is/was. Furthermore, birdie and Tashigi could have become true friends.

Yes, this is one of the very few scenarios in which birdie really finds her place in the Marines. Had Aokiji won the duel and become the new Fleet Admiral, he probably would have sent birdie to Smoker.

[avidoro]

Edit: Guess I’ll put this in here since everyone is just glossing it over to look for the negative parts. I never said you couldn’t ship SessRin. I never said I was anti-SessRin. I know I tagged it as such, but it isn’t because of my opinion. I have friends who ship SessRin. I love those friends. What I mean by these statements is that the community in general is toxic because of the people in it who have caused problems for others. Like, for example, the person who felt the need to jump me about my personal ship because it wasn’t with Rin when I wasn’t even talking about a ship. Or the people who harassed the English voice cast to the point that even they were calling the SessRin community toxic. Or the people who are fighting to have any Sesshoumaru shipping blog deleted if Rin isn’t involved. I am capable of peacefully sharing Sesshoumaru with other shippers if they could be civilized. But since they aren’t, then I feel like I have the right to speak my mind. And those of you who feel the need to fight me about it are just proving my point because you’re so worked up that anyone could have a different opinion that you absolutely have to argue. That being said, I also stated that I would never have said a word about this if it weren’t for the fact that Rin is underage in Yashahime. Sunrise is trying to lie about how much time passed. They clearly didn’t do their own math. And while I’m fine with SessRin shippers who ship her as an adult, I will not tolerate the people who justify her being underage in Yashahime. Also to those trying to argue about Yashahime being canon, I would love to provide the evidence to the statement I saw, but it’s gotten lost in the sea of people arguing about the show being canon. It was something along the lines of her saying the story wasn’t canon or wasn’t hers but the three girls were and that she was washing her hands of InuYasha and other’s could do what they wanted with it. Which kind of implies it’s not canon but she doesn’t care. If I find it again I will definitely share it. But if Rumiko steps up and actually says the show is canon, then I’ll accept it as canon. But that doesn’t mean I’m okay with Rin being underage. But go ahead and continue to comment with your ridiculous arguments. New edit: @tiny-foots​ It’s not what I saw but I was provided this where Rumiko stated InuYasha was complete within herself meaning the story was done. She left it up to Mr. Sumisawa to write. Take it as you will, but I see that as her giving the okay for a fanfic to be officiated. But I don’t see it as canon. I suppose that can be left up to interpretation. But my personal belief is that it’s not canon. Even before all this I never even saw the original anime as canon.

I am going to start off by saying that I always said I would never be anti-ship. But if this is what it's come to then I am completely against what is happening right now.

Let's just pretend my OTP isn't actually my OTP right now. What I ship has nothing to do with this. In fact I am a multi-shipper, so don't even think about that. This is beyond more than my personal shipping opinions. InuYasha was my comfort series during a very rough time and Sesshoumaru is my favorite character because of his massive character development and redemption arc. He is an astounding character.

The fact that Sunrise has "officially" (I refuse to say canon because it's not canon. Rumiko said so. Fight me!) paired him with Rin is the most disturbing and disgusting thing they could have possibly done. Again, I am not against people who do ship them. If that's what they enjoy then that's fine.

HOWEVER!

The SessRin community is toxic AF! They have been for a long time and now they've been given a reason to really be horrible people. And that's only one reason why I'm disgusted by this entire thing. And mind you, since Yashahime isn't canon anyway, I wouldn't have cared as much if they hadn't done it the way they had. Let me break this down for you. I'm going to list why SessRin is unhealthy, toxic, and morally wrong and I'll even list some of the justifying arguments shippers have tried to use to support it and explain why they're wrong too.

Pairing Sesshoumaru with Rin destroyed his character development and redemption.

Sesshoumaru's father had a strong desire to see his son learn compassion. Toward everyone! Humans and youkai alike. He learned that lesson through both a human and a youkai. Rin and Kagura. These were the characters who were meant to teach him to be compassionate toward others. By pairing him with Rin you have taken away that compassion that he learned. It's like sticking a giant middle finger up to all the humans he was supposed to learn to respect and say he only tolerates Rin and no one else. There goes his redemption! Way to go, Sunrise!

SessRin was never meant to become a thing.

Rumiko went out of her way to create a bond between Kagura and Sesshoumaru as well as Kohaku and Rin. It's clear who we were meant to ship them with. These characters were placed as a barrier between Rin and Sesshoumaru to avoid an improper ship. SessKagu is the ONLY canon Sesshoumaru ship.

No child in their right mind grows up to fall in love with the man who raised them from childhood.

And if they do then they need to seek counseling because that's not healthy. A normal child would grow up to view that man as her father.

And how about these lame and unjustifiable arguments that SessRinners are throwing out.

"He waited until she was an adult! She's 18!"

Do some research. She is not 18! Look at the the facts that have been compiled. She is 15 MAX. She's underage!

"This was normal back then!"

No it was not! Again, do your research! Nobility groomed children to be wives, yes, but it wasn't normal. Even then the girl wasn't bedded until she was an adult. Also, would you portray a black person, in media, as an abused slave in 1800s America by your story's "good guy" and say it's okay because it was normal back then?  I don't think so!

"They were meant to be together! It was a given! It was clear!"

Again, no it wasn't! Kagura was placed in the story for this purpose! She was in love with Sesshoumaru and he was falling in love with her. They are the ONLY canon Sess ship!

"Well, you're forgetting about the original series being about a 15-year-old girl getting with a 50+ year old man!"

There are so many reasons why this is an illogical statement. - InuYasha and Kagome met when they were mentally the same age. Sess and Rin met with he was mentally a young adult and she was EIGHT! - Kagome and InuYasha didn't have an official relationship until she returned from her time after three years... WHEN SHE WAS 18! - Every moment in the original story where Kagome was in an inappropriate situation she got mad and did something about it! She didn't just giggle and let the men around her ogle or touch her! - And my personal opinion, I also believe InuYasha and Kagome’s relationship was toxic anyway, so don’t try to hold that one over me. There’s a reason I’m a multi-shipper.

And one of my favorites, even from pre-Yashahime

"NO ONE is shipping child Rin with Sesshoumaru!"

Yeah? Go do a Google image search, you sickos. Edited to include this little treasure in the comments:

Who’s putting words in her mouth? She stated, in an interview plain as day, that Yashahime was not canon! She didn’t write it. An official publication does not canon make! Not to mention “the woman who changed him” is such an incredibly vague statement. If it was meant to be Rin, she’d have just said Rin. As mentioned before, she was very adamant about pushing the Kagura x Sesshoumaru ship. And Kagura definitely changed him. Was it not his compassion toward her specifically that regained his arm and gave him a sword? I’m pretty sure “the woman who changed him” was meant to be a vague statement because the canonical intention was just to leave it open to interpretation and is probably meant to be some random village woman who bonded with Sesshoumaru and ultimately completed his change.

And if, by chance, she did mean Rin, she didn’t say it was canon. Just that she was his wife meaning that is who Sunrise set as his wife in the show. Think about it? She was answering the question of “who had his children in Yashahime.” If she meant Rin, she was avoiding spoilers and giving a hint to who Sunrise chose as his wife. That’s not saying she would have picked Rin, herself. She didn’t write it. So it seems to me that you are the one putting words in her mouth.

Now tell me, if your best friend from grade school who was adopted told you when she was a teen or even an adult, "My dad's hot. We decided to sleep together." would you not find that disturbing? That's SessRin right now.

Also:

HANYOU NO YASHAHIME IS NOT CANON! THIS IS PER RUMIKO TAKAHASHI HERSELF! DO NOT TRY TO JUSTIFY THAT SESSRIN IS CANON NOW BECAUSE IT ISN'T! IT'S JUST AN OVERGLORIFIED AND POORLY WRITTEN FANFICTION!

ONLY THE MANGA IS CANON! OG SESSHOUMARU IS THE ONLY SESSHOUMARU!! That being said, I still say if you do happen to be a SessRin shipper, then you do you. Enjoy what you want. But what is happening right now does not give you a right to justify any toxic behavior that your community is expressing. Again, I wouldn’t even be mad if Sunrise hadn’t portrayed Rin as still being underage. I won’t stand to see people justify this!

[katsukikitten]

Wholesome Frat AU, Clearly aged up, college au, main characters are Bakugou, Kirishima, Denki, Sero, Jiro, Mina, and of course you my dear reader. Sexual themes, mentions of drugs and booze through out.

AHEM

Chapter 1

Denki lies upside down off his bed, staring at his phone when another invite to a party comes through. It's from a classmate he shares notes with and one of the few non toxic dudes on campus. A smile forms on his face, his fingers ready to fly across the screen to confirm his Friday night to be golden and one to remember. 

Or maybe wish to remember as alcohol and maybe some weed numb his senses. 

But then the location comes through, a frat house that's notorious for ignorance and low key rape culture. He turns it down claiming to study and sighs. Staring at his shared four walls from the top bunk. 

"What's going on with you? No one wants you to keep their bed warm tonight?" Sero teases passing him up a beer before starting the next round of his game. Preferring to get buzzed and troll in Apex lobbies than find somewhere to be tonight.  

Their phones buzz at the same time, Kirishima coming through on the group chat. 

Big Red 🦈 : Any plans tonight boys?

Boomboi 💣 : Fuck off, busy. 

Tape dispenser 🎞 : Apex

Zaptos ⚡: got invited to a party but location is sus af. You bro? 

Big Red 🦈 : Yikes 😬 Keepin some ladies safe. Don't like the scene here…

Tape dispenser 🎞 : Same

Zaptos ⚡: Same

Boomboi 💣:  FUCK OFF!

Denki and Sero both smirk at their phones before moving on with their Friday night with small talk of Instagram stories and received risque snapchats. As the beer fridge gets dwindles  their thoughts seem to grow. 

"Okay, listen. Here me out!" Denki says as if Sero would ever come off defensive. He finishes his eighth beer before continuing. 

"What if we started our own frat? Like...like a fucking wholesome one." 

"Dude not only does that sound impossible but what would we call ourselves?" Sero chuckles nursing his seventh beer. Denki pauses for a moment, trying to think of something, anything great. 

"Alpha Kappa Wholesome." He smiles, "Yea that's it!"

Sero laughs from his bottom bunk earning an angry faced Denki to put half of his body over the side of his bed. 

"I'm serious man! We could kick out whoever doesn't match our values. This college is supposed to be about making 'lasting connections' with fellow heroes! How are we supposed to do it when we are cooped up in our tiny dorm!" He gestures to their cramped room. A set of bunk beds and desks with their TV and shared dresser on the far wall. Sero looks around, this sure as hell wasn't like the dorms at UA that's for sure. 

"Okay well two people isn't enough for a frat, man." Sero lets the dream die before it can bloom, running a hand through his raven hair. Denki scrunches up his face before he remembers where his crush stays.  It's as if a light bulb lit up atop his upside down head. He jolts himself falling from the top bunk crashing into the empty beer bottle. They clink in protest but thankfully non break, just roll beneath the bottom bunk. 

"But there is a sorority of only four and we have four friends in our group!" 

Denki decides now is a good time to face time them. Kirishima answers first with a shout that he's gonna step outside, the roaring party and flashing lights die behind the shutting door while Bakugou is illuminated by the light of his screen glaring into the camera while a meek looking girl hides. 

"This better be fucking good." Bakugou growls. 

After an hour and a half of screaming Denki finally convinces Bakugou that sharing a house with the three of them as opposed to a rando was a much better idea. Reminding him that he had done it for three years in highschool surely he could last two more. He agrees but refuses to help argue with the dean meanwhile Kirishima is GLOWING with excitement over the idea formulating with his sober mind the best way to handle the notorious harsh Dean. 

It takes petitions, several meetings and almost til the spring break to come down to this, the final meeting. Bakugou, who has attended every meeting and true to his word has said nothing. Denki nervous as a sinner in church, Sero who's sweating bullets and Kirishima all sit in the room with the board, treasury and the Dean in a final meeting of sorts. 

Kirishima gulps and before he can explain the benefits the frat will have to offer the Dean stops him with a simple show of his hand. Taking a report from the secretary of treasury to look over, he just needed the monetary excuse to back up his favorite word. 

"No." He clears his throat, "Unfortunately funds are too low to be able to support another fraternity." The Dean leaves it at that not even bothering to offer they join something preexisting. 

Three of the four men accept defeat, mentally communicating that they did a good job trying. But the fourth man dreamed of his own room, of his own space to do as he pleased. And all without threat of being charged with murder. Although the fourth man would never admit that the reason he spoke up wasn't totally about the room, it was the look of defeat, anguish on his friends faces that had the room heating up a degree or two and smelling heavily of boiling sugar. 

"Oi, toupee." The hot head let's his seat fall back to all fours, fixing the Dean a withering look, "You said something about not enough money huh?" 

The Dean swallows thickly carefully thinking out his next sentence. 

"Why, Yes its…." Bakugou interrupts before the Dean can even finish his thought. 

"Pretty sure I'm the reason this campus is gonna be swarming with fucking no name extras next year." Katsuki's smile widens as his hand pops, "If you deny this request with the money I'm making you then I'll participate in the university sports festival with another college's across my fucking chest." 

The Dean visibly sweats, Bakugou really was a hard student to land. His brash attitude and unapologetic behavior was popular among the younger generation bringing with it an influx of applicants and donations. It hadn't even been 24 hours since his announcement did it crash the admin and donation site. He panics, not even sure if there is any real estate available on or around campus in order for him to legally allow this fraternity to flourish. As if reading his mind the secretary of grounds offers him a file, an old run down home within a decent walking distance of the main campus. The Dean exhales the breath he didn't realize he was holding. 

"Let's not act so rash. It has just come to my attention that we have some extra funding to be able to purchase a place for you all…" He looks over the file, he hopes this is enough to placate the hot head, "But it will need some old fashioned sweat equity, if we can secure it. The town has been kind enough to offer us first dibs to real estate within a certain radius of campus and if they like our offer you hardworking men will have your 'Alpha Kappa Wholesome home." 

"They better like your offer." Is all Bakugou says before standing, "We get the keys in a month, got it?"

He doesn't give the Dean time to rebuttal, he just leaves while the other shocked three follow suit. It isn't until they are in the courtyard does their excitement hit them all at once.

"HOLY SHIT BAKUBRO ALWAYS COMING IN ON THE FUCKING KLUTCH!" Denki shouts, tackling Bakugou into a hug, Sero and then Kirishima wrap their arms around the yelling hot head who threatens to blow them up. 

"I owe you a fucking drink!" Kirishima shouts lifting the group and twirling them  

"OI OI OI SHITTY HAIR PUT ME DOWN!" 

After that promised drink and a month of waiting the four musketeers stand before their new home. The house is trashed, easily a short sale of a foreclosure as the rent went higher but their wages stayed low. The amount of work to make this place semi decent was going to be astronomical at best. 

Bakugou is thoroughly unimpressed, scoffing as Denki runs up the porch. The vision is clear in the electric blonde's head. The massive porch is clean, with a swing and some chairs, string lights hanging from the wooden ceiling while the half wrapped around, second story porch is draped in endless artificial star light cloaking the house in cozy warmth. 

Dneki opens the front door and plume of dust rushes out around him, the other two follow suit. Taking the steps two at a time as they rush into the house. Harsh garnet stares after them before glancing at their luggage. He decides to leave it all stepping inside. 

Their imaginations run rampant as they stand beneath the large archway to the main living room while Bakugou begins to second guess opening his mouth. That or getting more money from the Dean. Before displeasure can leave the hot head his friends turn to face him, their eyes shining and smiles stretched wide, wide enough it begins to hurt Bakugou's own cheeks. They encourage him to step into the home more, telling him what will go where. For a moment his smile is soft, tender as he looks at these three idiots seeing the bright side of everything before he steels back into his normal self.

"Oi! Quick acting all googly eyed. We've got a lot of work to do and a lot of fucking money to raise." 

The four friends spend majority of their spring term picking rooms and doing basic cleaning. Bringing only one of the two full bathrooms up to par, trying their best to keep up with the old big house. Even after all of them picked their rooms there were still three bedrooms and a den with a door left. They brain stormed adding recruits but Bakugou shot the idea down despite Sero being elected the president of the frat. 

Spring boils into summer, bringing with it the promise of cold hard cash. Bake sales and lunch deals thanks to Bakugou's cooking skills brought in a large amount of income, so did the odd jobs Kirishima, Denki, and Sero found themselves doing. Still they find themselves short.

"Shirtless carwash!" Denki announces earning a glare from Bakugou. Kirishima pipes up before the idea is blasted sky high. 

"Think of the money man. The community around here is soccer mom's and freshly graduated college kids and I don't know about yall but when I go for a run or hit up the corner store after a good run I'm being stared at." 

"That's a valid point Bakugou. I've seen how they flock to you for baked goods, they've been staring at your arms and eyes man." Sero adds voting yes to the idea making it three to one. 

Just as Kirishima said, woman and even some men, flock to the area for a car wash. Some even coming back twice in one day! The cash flow is good but still a bit lacking. Denki wipes the sweat from his brow as he wonders how they will get enough to be able to get decent light fixtures and a working fridge in the dorm. Let alone anything aside from a blown up mattress and folding chairs in the living room. He scrolls through his social media on his break and comes across the miracle he has been asking for. 

A lovely summer picture of four women in bikinis, three of them his housemates have lived with before. Mina Ashido, Jiro Kyoka,  Ochako Uraraka, and then there is the new woman, you.

But what makes the picture that much sweeter isn't even the content itself, no it's that gorgeous caption just beneath it. 

"BASIC BITCH CAR WASH! Help us raise money for an apartment so our sorority doesn't get disbanded!" 

An idea formulates in the electric blondes head so quickly he thinks sparks fly from his ears. A dangerous smile forms on Denki Kaminari's lips. 

[electricea-archive]

Anonymous sent - ☣ Have you ever rp'd with someone you knew for a fact was abusive but tried to give them a chance/to make up your own opinion on the roleplayer? Did they change or did you understand what people were talking about? ( Salty AF Munday - Accepting! )

☣ Have you ever rp'd with someone you knew for a fact was abusive but tried to give them a chance/to make up your own opinion on the roleplayer? Did they change or did you understand what people were talking about?

I really don’t want to throw around the world ‘abusive’ - I think more than anything else, this was a mun who was severely depressed and needed more help than Tumblr could offer.  The bulk of their posts were...pretty negative and every other day, it seemed like they were threatening to leave Tumblr or posting about how they had no friends or nobody cared about them.  They’d be the sort of person to make a public post if they lost followers or had someone block them - that kind of person.

As someone who’s dug themselves out of a pretty deep rut with depression, I guess my first instinct is to try and help others - because I know how it feels to struggle in silence with these feelings of depression and isolation.  I know how much it can hurt when you feel like you had nobody or you feel like you’re being abandoned.  I guess I thought all this person needed was someone to listen, a friendly voice.

Mind you, I wouldn’t really call us friends but they were friendly enough towards me and they made it clear I was someone they were comfortable and happy around and even if they seemed normal and happy in their IM’s, the continued barrage of negative content on their blog was pretty suspect.  They were also a mun who openly admitted to being on the spectrum and I guess as someone with asd, who’s experienced a lot of social mishaps and misunderstandings because of it, my instinct is also to try and give advice to others with asd - I’m more sympathetic to people with asd because in a lot of cases they might not genuinely know what they did wrong or how negative and depressing their content can get.

I was kind of warned - not really to stay away, but that they did tend to latch onto muns, get pretty clingy.  I heard some instances of inappropriate behavior but that never happened to me and I don’t think they ever really had a chance to get too attached to me thankfully.

What kind of led me to stop was just realizing it’s been a few years of this - a few years of just looking over at this person’s blog and seeing the same kind of negative posts taking up the majority of their blog just time after time after time and I’ve gotten to a point where I realize that I need to look out for my own mental wellbeing and happiness and I can’t be around someone who’s creating a negative and depressing atmosphere, even if they might not realize that they’re doing it.  I need to look out for myself at the end of the day.

I want to reiterate that I don’t think that they’re toxic and I don’t dislike them or harbor any negative feelings towards them.  I think they’re a nice person and I genuinely want them to climb out of this rut as I did and get some help for themselves.  They deserve to be in a happier place but I’ve realized that people need to decide to make a change for themselves.  You can offer them advice or try to nudge them but at the end of the day, it’s their decision - and maybe this person will also reach a day where they’re fed up of being sad and negative all the time and want to change that.  I just wish them the best sincerely.

[thoughtfulpaperback]

Issues with SPN as someone who has struggled with depression, PTSD, and childhood trauma, and who identifies as as asexual/queer.

1. The idea that a character who is emotionally dependant on another (family) because of childhood trauma:

Despite making friends and adding people into thier family,

Despite being shown to truly love living and having fhe free will to decide what to do with that life, and

Despite the fact that the character has always been shown to want more than what they have (not necessarily a nuclear family or hunt free life, but a longing for more) despite this character always fighting for the things he loves.

His "happy" end is dying.

It's disgusting. It's disgusting especially when people with mental health issues and members of the LGBTQ+ community are more likely to complete suicide and struggle with suicidal ideations.

Does Dean deserve a heaven where he can be with all his friends and ride around in the impala with his brother. OF👏 FREAK👏ING👏 COURSE 👏

But he also deserves a chance to explore his free will and purpose outside of saving the world. He deserved more than a couple of days to celebrate his win. He deserved to explore the feelings and situations he already stated he was longing to explore. Dean deserved to be happy in life, not just in death. To reduce Dean to the person who had to die for the other person to be able to live the life they wanted.....utterly disgusting.

The show could have ended with just the boys in heaven riding around in the impala at without that trash they peddled. Let Dean live his version of a good life and die on a hunt years later. Let him see that heaven has changed and its place worthy of him now.

To die so close to just winning against GOD and then never getting to do those things, to show that Sam could not have what he really wanted with his brother around and paint that as real love is toxic af.

2. Why do people think happy ends are boring? Why are "bittersweet" or tragic ends supposably more beautiful and seemingly mostly reserved for lgbtq+, poc, and traumatized characters?

We can all complain about the queer baiting and the bury your gay issues, but even more so, why is it that the straight guy is the only one who gets to live out a long life and accomplish what he wants?!?!

Why is it that shows often torture thier lgbtq+,lgbtq+ coded characters, or characters with trauma more so than thier other characters?

Why are tragic death endings more popular and used for these characters than the heteronormative or less traumatized?

Ah yes the internalized homophobia and glorification of trauma. Don't get me wrong, I love a good tragedy. I love angst and bittersweet endings. And I don't have a problem with "art imitating life". But I am tired of people torturing and killing poc and lgbtq+ characters and calling it poetic and realistic.

Maybe (but not really) that is life, but it's the life many people are trying to escape and make a non-reality. There is no satisfaction or emotional catharsis in treating it as a determined and unavoidable fact of life.

Also, I am tired of the idea that these things are the product of straight writers or homophobic studio executives. While they are definitely (a large) part of the problem, we have to face the fact that for years all people were fed the idea that traumatizing characters was deep and poetic. Happy families, found or blood, are not okay, they have to be dysfunctional to be "normal". I've read fics written by women, poc, and lgbtq+ members that had me like.....

And every emotion invetween those reactions, because they played into all the same tropes and themes we had all been ingesting our entire lives.

Yes diversity in the writers room and among the executives would help, but it doesn't mean anything if these people still have these internalized ideas about happy and tragic ends.

For all the people who don't fit the heteronormative, white, and abled mold. Even with trauma and whatever emotional/behavioral/mental issues came out of it, you deserve a happy life. Death is not the only why for you to get what you want or deserve. You are not destined for a "bittersweet" end. You can have romance, a family (blood or found), self-love, self-care, a content single life, good health, or whatever the heck you long for in life. You dont need to disappear for the people around you to be happy.

The show, like others, did you dirty but don't let it play into any feeling or suicidal ideations you have or may have had in the past.

[you-did-well-moon]

The Warmth Provided (1)

Type: fluff, angst, crack, college au, friends to lovers au

Word Count: 7,784

A/N: This was obviously just supposed to be a little imagine not more than 5k words, but it turned out to be three times as big. I really need to control myself as a writer from now on, and if you request anything from me don't expect it to be as big as this lol. This simply happened because I got the inspiration for it. Also im sorry but y/n real booboo the fool with this one. With that please enjoy and don't be afraid to talk to me. 

TW: mentions of mental illness, mentions of infidelity, awkward situations, toxicity from Sungjin, footsie

Part 1| Part 2| Part 3

You groaned whining at Sungjin and tugging at the very warm looking hoodie he wore. He gave an exasperated sigh not daring to even look at you knowing he would give in to your stupid puppy eyes. He put his face in his hands letting out a grunt that could only mean he was giving in to your temptations. You persisted, now putting both hands on his hoodie clad arm and leaning your head on his shoulder. You really could be evil sometimes.

“Y/n please-”

“Come on Sungjinie i’ll give it back by the end of class”

“You said the same thing last time, and you ran out of class WITH my hoodie peaches”

“It was buy one taco get another one free day at the cafeteria…”

You innocently smiled at him as he whipped his head to look at you with furrowed eyebrows and his facial features scrunched up. “Free tacos are on fridays. It was monday” he scoffed, shaking his head as if not being able to believe the audacity you had asking for his hoodie. You slowly blinked your eyes at him. “Sungjin I don’t even remember what month it is, and you want me to know what day it is! Am i a joke to you? You know what, don’t answer that asshole”

You sucked in air through your teeth and leaned back in your seat not being able to believe you and one of your best friends were arguing right before class was going to start because he wouldn’t give you his dumb hoodie. You had forgotten your own because you had spent around half an hour trying to pick what cereal you wanted to eat, and by the time you put the last darn Cheerio in your mouth you had five minutes to run to the opposite side of campus.

You really didn’t get why the human resources building was on the opposite side of campus from your apartment. It was only a matter of time before you actually woke up in time for the class. It didn’t matter because upon arrival to your seat in one of the middle rows in between Sungjin and Dowoon, you found out the professor was late to his own class. Probably still trying to convince his wife to stay with him. Poor man really couldn’t catch a break with that witch.

Mornings were always cold, and the building was also freezing. That brought you here, begging your best friend to let you borrow his hoodie which had cheese stains around the edges of the sleeves and smelled like ramen.

You were desperate.

You grimaced, turning your head to look at the sleeping Dowoon. There was no way you were waking him up to ask for his hoodie. Last time you did that he swung at you with his backpack -which had at least five books the size of your arm in it. Sungjin banned him from playing games for a month as punishment, but it didn’t stop the pain you felt when doing literally any kind of movement. From that moment onwards, you swore never to even look at Dowoon when he was sleeping. You liked your ribs just how they were.

In tact, and not broken.

You shivered, hugging yourself and grimacing at the thousands of goosebumps littering the bare skin of your arms. The feeling from the cold metal of the chair through your thin shirt making you all the more uncomfortable.

You inhaled sharply as you shifted and cold air blew against the exposed parts of your body. “Sungjin please, i’ll make it up to you just please give me your hoodie” you pleaded exposing yourself more to the cold by taking your hands from your body and bringing them together in a begging motion.

Sungjin looked at your shaking figure, worry in his eyes upon noticing your lips turning a paler color than the normal rosy tint they usually had. He threw his head back before giving you a sharp look and smacking his lips.

“Last time you wore my hoodie, you almost got me in trouble, peaches. Everyone thought-” he cut off not being able to make eye contact with you. Your head tilted and you pursed your lips blankly staring at your best friend. You repeated the unfinished thought pushing him to continue while he shook his head pinching the bridge of his nose.

He didn’t even look at you, his tone on the borderline of hopelessness and defeat when he asked you “Y/n, do you know what it means when a person wears someone else’s hoodie or jacket?”

You looked around af if you could find the answer in the tired faces of the students surrounding you before looking back at his hunched over figure and slowly blinking before adamantly answering, “They’re cold”

At your answer, the sleeping figure of Dowoon slightly shifted as he snorted muttering something about how dumb you were before moving in search of a more comfortable sleeping position. You were just about to raise your hand to retaliate with a slap to his back, but Sungjin caught your attention by belting out a disbelieving laugh now looking at you with wide eyes and an unamused smile.

“They thought we were dating, as in romantically involved, as in an intimate relationship, as in doing more than ki-” Sungjin was now rambling voice getting higher with each word before you cut him off with a light hit to his arm feeling your body grow hot in embarrassment.

“I-I know what dating is Sungjin” You hissed hands clenching around the arms of your chair and feeling your chest cave in as you gasped laughing it off awkwardly. “Come on Sungjin, let’s act like the adults that we are. We know we aren’t dating, and since when have you cared about what people think?” you searched his face looking for the answer in the hesitant shadows of his face.

“I don't,” he answered bitterly.

“Then what’s your problem?” You leaned in left speechless at the unexpected behavior of your friend. You felt like the whole situation was getting too serious over a stupid hoodie, so you tried easing the tension by joking around. “Would I be that bad to date?”

You immediately shrunk back giggling when Sungjin lifted his head from his hands for a little bit to glare at you nostrils flaring before shoving his face back into his hands.

“That’s not it and you know it,” he gritted out. Sungjin truly didn’t mean to get grumpy with you, he was having an internal conflict. Whether to tell you his friend’s secret, or to keep it to himself and not interfere. You were left to stare at him wondering if you should leave him alone for the rest of class while Sungjin went through a flashback that had put him on edge around you.

-2 days ago-

Sungjin groaned, shoving his face deeper into the soft fabric of his pillow and stretching his arm out to the nightstand next to his bed, hand fumbling around for the blaring alarm clock. He grumbled, lifting his head to groggily glare at the numbers displayed on the clock.

7:26

He had 34 minutes to get to his 8 am psychology class. He tiredly exhaled sitting up in his bed and rubbing his bleary eyes. He took a quick shower hoping it would wake him up, but the haziness of sleep still drifted around the corners of his mind. He could barely keep his eyes open as he brushed his teeth.

He threw the first thing he could find from his dresser figuring he could come back to change if he had any change to plans which right now was absolutely nothing. Sometimes he wondered why he had decided to be in a frat, he wasn’t the most social or the most popular, and he didn’t particularly like going to parties- but, he had met some people he could never dream of living without.

Like Dowoon, who he had to push off the bed with a promise that he could sleep in class later. He sighed watching the poor boy stumble as he tugged on a pair of jeans letting out a sigh of relief when he fell back on the bed.

Sungjin couldn’t help but smile. Even with all the people he had met because of the frat, Dowoom and you would be the closest friends he had in this stressful place. You guys were the foundation of everything he had ever found important. The people who guided him when he was lost, and he would be damned if he ever let his friendship with the both of you go.

He mindlessly grabbed his ramen smelling hoodie thinking you could use it if you forgot your own like you did every other day, or Dowoon could use it as a pillow if he was particularly tired like he was...every other day. Sungjin swore that kid had to stop taking the bus to random places late at night. It was a wonder how he hadn’t accidentally ended up in another city with his nightly escapades.

He was thinking about whether he would risk eating or not as he jogged down the stairs to get to the kitchen when he heard your name. He narrowed his eyes stopping right at the last step of the stairs thinking he was mishearing things. Wait- there it was again. Your name. His precious friend’s name.

Sungjin shrugged it off thinking they meant another Y/n, but he was quickly corrected when he heard your last name too.

His jaw ticked and his mouth suddenly felt dry as he wondered what you could have possibly done to have frat boys talking about you. He paused just right outside the kitchen wanting to hear just what they could have been talking about to be bringing you into the conversation.

“How would I know if the girl is single? I didn’t even know she existed before Jae mentioned her”

He heard the person scoff as confusion made Sungjin’s eyebrows tug together. You? In a relationship? You hadn’t had a boyfriend since high school, who he had to stop himself from pummeling into the ground when he cheated on you and had continuously tried getting you back. Sungjin swore you had the worst luck when it came to relationships.

Not only had you had a bad experience with one, but you were too naive when it came to people actually liking you. He had lost count of all the disappointed faces he had seen of people who had asked you out only for you to respond with one of your bright smiles along with something along the lines of “Sure, I would love to be your friend”.

He shivered wincing at the sole memory of some of them. He had never said anything because you had never mentioned liking them, and you told him everything. He really wished he could forget about the fact you sold Dowoon’s game controller in order to buy a Cheeto the shape of a heart which you then proceeded to eat without any regrets.

“Well then what are we supposed to do? Go up to the girl  and say “Hey, you don’t know who the hell we are, but we would like to know about your relationship status because you don’t have a Facebook we can stalk to see whether your love life is existent or not”, Sungjin peeked around the edge of the doorway seeing two figures sitting at the kitchen island having breakfast, and the person talking was animatedly waving his hands around.

“We desperately need to know because our friend Jae is about to be strangled since he won’t stop writing stupid sappy love songs about you” Younghyung do you even know how crazy we seem right now. We are quite possibly the worst wingmen in the history of wingmen” He now recognized the voice as Kim Wonpil’s voice, and at the same time Sungjin felt his heart claw up his throat as he slightly stumbled back in surprise.

Jae Park. One of the other members of the frat. And the boy you had been crushing on for two years. Also one of his closest friends not including you and Dowoon. Sungjin suddenly wished he had just stayed in bed today. Jae was one of the most popular guys on campus. Not because he slept around or anything, but because he was actually a friendly person. He got along with everyone, and he was basically friends with everyone.

Jae had helped Sungjin out of some tough spots before, even invited him out to hang out when you and Dowoon were busy doing who knows what. Jae’s closest friends were Kim Wonpil and Kang Younghyun. Sungjin had talked to those two before, but not enough to go up to them and randomly start up conversations with them.

He still remembered the day you had excitedly come up to him squealing about how the Jae Park was in your sociology class. Eyes shining and giggles erupting out of your mouth every five seconds. He really couldn’t stand you that day. Sungjin felt something stir in his chest, but he couldn't really tell what it was. He shook it off stiffly walking into the kitchen with his heart pounding in his ears.

Sungjin had felt awkward almost all his life, but he was sure nothing could top the sudden tension he felt in his body when the boy’s conversation came to a sudden halt at his appearance. He kept his back to them rolling his shoulders and trying to distract himself from the eyes boring into his back. He grabbed the cereal box turning around to get a bowl catching the two boys wildy gesturing at each other with wide eyes before immediately stopping once they noticed he could see them.

He kept his gaze directly directed at his cereal hoping whoever was listening they wouldn’t talk to him.

“Hey, Sungjin?’

He always thought there’d be a day where he’d drown in his cereal. Maybe today was that day. He paused a bit before grunting in reply looking up to see it had been Younghyun who had spoken and Wonpil who was darting his gaze everywhere but Sungjin’s eyes.

“You know Y/n L/n?” Younghyun again spoke leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms.

Sungjin knew he was playing dumb. Everybody knew you and Sungjin were practically glued at the hip. Wherever one of you was, the other could probably be found close by.

He put down the cereal with a sigh, tilting his head at them as he braced himself against the kitchen island with both arms.

“I would hope so. I’ve known her since I was seven years old, and I see her almost everyday” He smiled at them mirthfully feeling an inkling of possessiveness sprout in the confines of his chest. Once again, Sungjin shook it off as protectiveness he felt for you as a little sister.

Younghyun opened and closed his mouth as if not knowing how to respond to Sungjin’s answer. He finally cleared his throat seemingly still finding his voice until Wonpil’s panicked and rushed voice cut him off.

“Are you and Y/n seeing each other?” Wompil immediately clasped his hand to his mouth shaking his head wildy and mumbling warbled apologies while Younghyun slapped the loud mouth upside the head.

Sungjin took a shaky breath in suddenly feeling dizzy as he swayed lightly. His voice was disbelieving when he was able to sputter out his reply.

“W-what makes you think Y/n and I are anything more than friends” his eyes flitted between Wonpil and Younghyun left at a loss for words.

Sure, he and you were inseparable, always going everywhere and anywhere together, but not once had you ever shown signs of being more than friends. Never looking longingly or lovingly at each other, never kissing, never holding hands for more than a minute (in his defense he didn’t want to lose you in the crowd), never proclaiming your love for one another. You guys had never done anything that would suggest anything more than a friendly relationship.

The two boys in front of you looked at each other then at the speechless figure of Sungjin harshly whispering before Wonpil finally made eye contact with Sungjin nervously tapping his finger on the kitchen islan. Pursing his lips he seemed to be choosing his words carefully.

“It’s just that, Jinyoung said he saw Y/n wearing your hoodie. The one you have right now, and you know um people wear each other’s clothes when they’re together, so we just assumed there was something between you guys. We’re sorry Sungjin, we really didn’t mean to jump to conclusions bud”

Sungjin’s eyes drifted down to the hoodie in his hands. The very one he always let you borrow simply because you got cold, and he bought it to class for that exact reason. He was just trying to take care of you, and somehow that had gotten mistaken as anything but friendly intentions. He knew you really liked Jae, but at the same time Sungjin was scared.

He was scared you would leave him behind once you began dating Jae. You almost did when your dumb high school boyfriend told you he didn’t like you being so close to a boy, and he threatened to break up with you if you didn’t distance yourself from Sungjin, your bestfriend. He was terrified of it happening for real this time.

You would have no time for him because you were too busy with Jae, and he would be forgotten by the one person he could always count on. He would lose the smile and laughter of the one person who had always been there for him, but who was he to cling on to you when you could be happier without him. Sungjin felt like he was going to throw up. He was so sure you would leave him behind to rot, you wouldn’t need him anymore.

You wouldn’t need someone to bring a hoodie for you in case you forgot. You wouldn’t need someone to help you fix your bike after you crashed it from getting distracted while riding it. You wouldn’t need someone to patch you up and take away the pain after said bike crash. You wouldn’t need anyone to wipe away your tears when the demons in your head got particularly demanding. You wouldn’t need sungjin anymore because you would have Jae. Sungjin felt like he was getting strangled. He couldn’t breathe past the lump of dread that had formed in his drying throat.

He could not bear to lose the one person that had been by his side through the brightest and cloudiest days. He could not possibly lose the one person that had been by his side through all the ups and downs of life. He could not lose you. Not his peaches with your soft exterior but strong interior.

He felt his body go numb with the immense sadness that tore through his chest, and he began feeling his eyes tear up.

Would he be selfish at the expense of your happiness?

He felt his chest heave as he let out a heavy exhale closing his eyes at the ache beginning to probe at his temples. He shook his head once looking back at the pair who were staring at him with hunched shoulders, both regretting the fact they had even bought it up to him seeing his inner turmoil.

“Does Jae think so too?” his voice was as monotone as he’d ever heard it. Wonpil simply nodded chewing at his lips nervously.

Sungjin shoved the cereal box back into the cupboard not bothering to look at the boys mumbling a low “I need to get to class” as he walked away shaking hands clutching the hoodie to his chest not seeing the worried look the boys gave each other.

-Back to present-

Sungjin groaned feeling like he was about to pass out with all the mixed emotions coursing through his body right now. He decided for now, he would not tell you of Jae’s returned feelings towards you ignoring the guilt clenching around his heart by deciding it was not his place to say what Jae felt.

He quickly slipped his body out the hoodie throwing it at you and grumbling that you better return it to by the end of class. You laughed happily snuggling into the warmth of the hoodie but looking skeptically at Sungjin who had decided to distract himself by scrolling through his phone. You knew when your best friend was hiding something, and right now your best friend was certainly not telling you something.

You felt a bit hurt that even after all these years of building each other up, he couldn’t confide in you when there was something that was bothering him, but you shrugged it off figuring he would tell you when he was ready and you didn’t want to push him. You wondered why he was asking for it by the end of class since he always let you keep it until the end of the day. You once again shook it off figuring he probably got cold too.

You did not give it back by the end of class. You ran out of class. With the hoodie.

By the time Sungjin noticed you were gone with the hoodie still on your body, you were out the human resources building on your way to the student common area where the cafeteria was. Sungjin cursed your black hole of a stomach while Dowoon cackled claiming he deserved it for letting you sell his game controller.

You excitedly ran into the cafeteria stomach growling because let’s be real, cereal was not enough to sustain a growing girl such as yourself. You were instantly met with the smell of different kinds of foods from the variety of restaurants your university cafeteria had. Your eyes hungrily scanned the restaurants lining the room before deciding you could really go for a Subway right now. You were walking out of the little restaurant with the sandwich in your hands when you heard a voice call your name.

You let out a small confused “Huh” in response to the calling of your name spinning around searching the faces of the students peacefully eating and laughing together not being able to find the caller of your name.

Your vision went black as hands suddenly covered your eyes and a chest pressed up against your back. You jumped scared by the sudden greeting gasping in surprise.

“Hey!”, you yelped out.

Your own hands went up to the culprit’s wrists gently moving them down. You tilted your head back being met with a bright smile and a soft laugh that rang in your ears and made your chest fill with warmth. You instantly spun around face to face with your crush of two years.

He was your crush, but he had also become a close friend since the day you had coincidentally sat next to him on the first day of your sociology class not paying attention to who you were sitting next to and just walking to one of the front rows, sure you wouldn’t know anyone in the class.

He whispered your name asking to borrow a pencil and you spent around one minute staring at him like an idiot before fumbling inside your bag for a pencil and giving it to him clumsily. He had chuckled lowly muttering a “cute” under his breath which you were sure you weren’t meant to hear but you had become very attentive to him now knowing he was the one you were sitting next to and stunned by the fact he even knew your name.

You tried ignoring he was sitting next to you, but he moved around so much you wondered if he had to go to the restroom. He eventually noticed your staring simply telling you he had become restless since he had gotten sudden motivation for a song. You were impressed and intrigued by the prospect of him being a songwriter wondering what kind of words he brought to life with different melodies and harmonies.

You sneakily smiled at him, eyes flickering to the professor not far from where you were sitting before sliding your books in front of the notes he had put no effort into and giving him a sly wink giggling.

“I’ll cover for you”, you whispered.

He gave you a look that made a warm tingle run all over your body, eyes softening at you and cheekily winking back.

“I won’t forget your noble sacrifice” he immediately flipped to a new page of his notebook borrowed pencil quickly scribbling across the page.

You had to stop yourself from squealing as you subtly sank in your chair, the corner of your lips twitching as you tried to stop yourself from smiling at seemingly nothing. Sticking your nose into your own notebook and actually writing notes in order to distract yourself from looking at Jae who was now in his own world. Not failing the class was a bonus.

You were so into forcing yourself to pay attention to the monotone professor you didn’t notice Jae’s gaze coming back to your figure every so often taking note of all your features that made his heart beat faster and his head spin.

Ever since that day, you two became close, occasionally getting together outside of class when one of you finally mustered up the courage to plan said get together. It was usually to see a movie where you guys occasionally brushed each other’s hands while trying to get one of the snacks you had bought.

After the movie, it was tradition to go to the noodle place next to the bookstore at the end of the street where you laughed and joked around together. You had never told anyone of these times holding the memories as too precious and personal to share, scared that if you spoke of them they would disappear.  You had even refused to hang out with Sungjin telling him you had to study which you felt a little guilty about, but spending a little less time with him wouldn’t hurt right?

Your eyes widened as you pouted at him. ���Jae, you can’t just do that to a person, I almost dropped my lunch and I would have made you pay for another one you ingrate” You were once again met with the same laugh as before, except louder this time. The one that instantly made you smile back at him, heart skipping beats periodically. The laugh that made the colors around you suddenly dance with a vibrancy that beautifully spun and twirled making you so wonderfully dizzy.

“I’m a college student Y/n I can barely afford my own food. Do you want me to starve?”  His eyes crinkled behind the glasses sitting on his narrow nose making your world spin just a bit faster on the axis of what could only be his smile. “Evil, pure evil.” he shook his head scrunching up his nose as if disappointed in you.

You put your hands on your hips  looking offended and tutting. “You’re the one that wants to make me starve. I haven’t eaten in one hour. That’s too long Jae!” he chuckled playfully, narrowing his eyes at you.

“Stop being dramatic and come eat with me loser. I mean uh, if you want to of course. Do you?” he gave you a nervous smile lightly tugging at a strand of your chair before shifting his feet and tugging at his jacket.

You tilted your head as if seriously thinking, looking at his smile slowly falling making your own heart sink being the cause of making something so lovely die. You teasingly reached up to push his glasses back up his nose, finger accidentally gracing the corner of his mouth. Softly laughing you walked by him and gently bumped his shoulder with yours.

“Maybe another day,” you snickered.    He instantly played into your joke once again laughing. He did a lot of that. Laugh. Never ashamed to show how happy he was. You on the other hand, had to hide how happy his own happiness made you.

“Walk away from me young lady and I will never let you eat my Starbursts again nerd” he threatened with a small smile playing on his lips. You couldn’t the light laugh that bubbled up from your chest turning around and putting your hands up in mock surrender. Jae’s chest filled with warm tingles like it did every time he made you laugh.

“You monster. You can’t just deprive me of Starbursts. They get me through the horror movies you always pick! I’ll sit with you, for the Starbursts.” Your determined tone and furrowed eyebrows made Jae breathlessly laugh as he walked closer to you hand reaching out towards your frozen figure.

Your heart palpitated as you tried to calm your breathing, but one of his hands took a hold of your hand running up your arm until it located itself on your shoulder, tugging you into his body and making him able to throw an arm around your shoulder.

Your skin burned wherever his warm touch lingered, and your face felt hot. You once again had to take a deep breath to calm yourself from the wondrous euphoria you felt just by being by Jae. He began walking bringing your flustered self along with him. You were so caught up in trying to make sure you didn’t trip, you didn’t notice Jae’s own cheeks tinting with pink or his shaking hand hanging off your shoulder.

He led you over to a table near the windows where two figures were hunched over and inhaling their food, talking to each other every few seconds. You recognized them as Jae’s two closest friends, Wonpil and Younghyun. You had never met them which caused you to dig your heels into the ground effectively stopping both you and Jae.

“Don’t worry they’re nice. As long as i'm here, they won’t do anything. I won’t let them” he had ducked down too whisper into your ear  warm breath hitting the shell of your ear. You hesitantly nodded continuing to walk while Jae tightened his arm around your shoulders and brought you closer into his left side making the whole right side of your body burn at the wake of his touch.

Different from his earlier tone he cheerfully called out for the two who didn;t look up from their food.

“Jae you’re usually the first one at the table what took you so long. Wait don’t tell me, busy staring at-'' Younghyun had begun speaking taunting Jae and still not looking up until he was cut off by a shove from Wonpil who had raised his gaze to greet Jae only to be surprised with you basically tucked into his friend’s body. You curiously looked up at Jae wondering what so often caught his attention so much his friends teased him who only shrugged mouthing a “he’s crazy” and looking in Younghyun’s direction.

Jae cleared his voice but you poked him purposefully looking at him and muttering, “I can speak for myself” You turned to the pair who were both kindly smiling at you waving awkwardly at them. “Uh hi, my name is Y/n”

Wonpil smiled sweetly at you putting his chin on his hand and glancing at Jae. “We know”. You stared at him, mouth falling open and uttering a confused “Huh?” You were so focused on staring questionly at Wonpil to notice Jae mouthing threatening words at his friends. Younghyun cut him with a stiff laugh “Sungjin talks about you a lot”.

You instantly bought it smiling at the thought of your friend. You had forgotten these boys were a part of the frat he had recently joined. Wonpil seemed to fall out of whatever stupor he had fallen in stupidly smiling in Jae’s direction jumping up to offer you a handshake and introducing himself which you instantly took hoping your palms weren’t sweaty from nervousness. Younghyun followed in Wonpil’s lead, just a little more relaxed and laid back than the jumpy and energetic Wonpil.

Jae’s hands ushered you to sit down while he sat opposite the seat he had pushed you into next to his friends, making Wonpil’s small form get squished between Jae and Younghyun. You smiled softly at the sight getting reminded by your own little trio of you, Sungjin, and Dowoon. You started unwrapping your sandwich as you answered basic questions from Jae’s friends like what your major was and what flavor of ice cream you preferred.

You found yourself being able to fall into a steady rhythm of laughing and talking with the three boys in front of you getting comfortable enough to relax and talk with ease growing confident with the little group. You were answering Wonpil’s question about the tattoo just behind your right ear when you saw his gaze fall to your clothes, his mouth fell open a little as he struggled to focus on your answer too focused on the hoodie enveloping your form.

His shoulders slightly slumped as he nudged Younghyun muttering to him that you had the hoodie on. You were completely enraptured in the conversation Jae had pulled you into, so Younghyun had to clear his throat to catch your attention. His mouth was tugged into a calm smile, but his gaze was sharp making your stomach quiver with a sudden bundle of nerves.

“The hoodie is nice” he gestured cooly to the hoodie keeping you warm “Where did you get it from” the question seemed to carry double meaning. You saw Jae eyes widen, filling with an emotion you couldn’t quite place, body stiffening in his seat. You suddenly remembered what the one rule Sungjin had given you when throwing the clothing at you, and you had run right out of class breaking the one damn rule he had given you.

You groaned burying your head in your arms while tugging at the fabric that was Sungjin’s hoodie as if it would magically disappear from your body into Sungjin’s hands. You chewed at your lip looking at the boys in front of you, bitten lips now formed into a pout.

“I’m not even supposed to have this. I should have given it to him by the end of class, but it was so cold and Sungjin always gives me his hoodie when I forget mine.” You ran your hands through your hair already practicing what you’d say to him, but you knew the outcome was all the same. He was probably going to give you the scolding of your life. You really didn’t understand why he cared if other people thought you were dating. He had never cared about it before.

People had even confused you as a couple before, and he had always shrugged it off forgetting about it as soon as it happened. “Ugh, he’s going to kill me. If you don’t see me tomorrow Sungjin did it” i said sadly.

Jae wasn’t saying anything finding more interest in the table than the conversation you were currently having with his friends. You wondered what was up with him since he was always more than eager to join in on the conversation, but you coined it off as him being lost in thought.

The sharp look in Younghyun’s eyes remained and he didn’t laugh like most people would at the relationship between you and the other male. Wonpil simply sank in his seat leaning a little closer to Jae. You were beginning to feel anxious left foot tapping across the floor getting ready to bolt any second. Your mouth felt dry and it hurt to swallow the bite of sandwich you had just put in your mouth.

Younghyun finally looked away from you staring out the window next to the table and fiddling with the spoon on his table. “You and Sungjin seem close” his jaw was tight and tone uninterested but you felt like your answer held the weight of the world in it. You chose to stay calm ignoring the voices in your head telling you to run away as fast as you could. The food in your stomach felt heavy and you fought the urge to throw up.

You smiled softly at them. “Of course we are, he’s one of the most important people in my life'' You saw Jae close his eyes as if he had just been punched in the gut, and you saw Younghyun’s hand clenched into a fist knuckles turning white but you kept going, keeping your voice light and soft. “He’s been my best friend since I can remember” you added on taking the hoodie off and instantly wincing and getting attacked by the cold air circulating the cafeteria.

You shivered really hating yourself for forgetting your jacket. Everybody seemed to ease up, so you figured your answer had been the right one. What exactly deemed it as right you still weren’t sure. Younghyun leaned back in his seat, his sharp gaze gone, and the humorous glint in his eyes back. Wonpil put his elbows on the table leaning closer to you and once again asking you another question while Jae seemed to spring back to life also joining in on the conversation with the bright smile back on his face and his eyes getting their shine back.

You couldn’t help but feel a light tingle prick at the back of your neck at seeing Jae happy and himself again. Your lips tugged into a small satisfied smile, and while talking with them you would continuously look at Jae who you caught staring every time then bashfully look back at Wonpil not being able to bear the thought of Jae looking at you and only you.

Jae never looked away from you. Not even when you caught him in the act simply chuckling when you smiled nervously and looked at his friend. You were both so caught up in each other you didn’t see Wonpil wiggling his eyebrows at Younghyun who rolled his eyes but smiled happily nonetheless.

A little tension left your body because the air around the four of you had immensely calmed down, but the cold was now once again seeping into your skin, chilling you to the bones.You gave the boys an uncomfortable smile as you began to shiver. Wonpil and Younghyun smiled at you sympathetically while Jae got an unsure look on his face, lips pursing and eyebrows furrowing. He looked worriedly at you, a silent question in his eyes.

“You okay?”  You beamed at him assuring him, but your body was still shaking. He set his shoulders back keeping eye contact with you while getting up and pulling his jacket off his body. He shook his head “Tsk tsk Y/n, what would you possibly do without me?” You felt your face grow hot trying your hardest to ignore the sliver of skin exposed by his shirt riding up when he took off the article of clothing.

His hair was ruffled and his glasses were askew and barely held up by the bridge of his nose, but the only thing you could focus on was the arm extended towards you holding the blue jean jacket being offered to you. Your breath was caught in your throat, and you stood there frozen staring at the jean jacket. You couldn’t even feel the chilly air of the cafeteria anymore. Not when the warmth caused by Jae’s offer was enough to sink into the deepest confines of your chest, settling there giving you an odd sense of comfort making your heart hum happily.

Both you and Jae did not see Wonpil and Younghyun looking at each other with goofy grins before leaving both of you heading towards their next classes.

The hand holding the sweater shook once. “We don’t have all day here loser. My noodle arm really can’t hold this jacket forever. I skipped arm day last week” you held your hand out placing it on the jacket, but you still didn’t take the jacket swallowing harshly and clearing your throat. You looked at Jae beneath your eyelashes blinking slowly at him ,heart pounding against your rib cage. At that moment, nobody but you and Jae existed.

“Are you sure?” your unsure question made Jae roll his eyes, his next actions happening so fast you had no time to properly react. He grasped your wrist from the hand placed on his jacket still in his hand drawing your body towards his with so much force your hips briefly bumped against his. He let go of your wrist instead grabbing his jacket with both hands, and you were forced to put your hand on his shoulder to stop yourself from actually crashing into him.

His arms went around you putting his jacket around your head in order to hang the jacket on your shoulders making sure it covered you enough so the cold wouldn’t bother you anymore. You were pretty sure the whole cafeteria could hear how loud and fast your heart was beating. You couldn’t think straight. The only thing you could even process was Jae’s hands still on the lapel of the jacket, barely brushing the part of your stomach above your belly button.

You seemed to get a control of your body as you looked up at him with wide eyes getting met with his face closer than it had ever been, the lightest flush on his cheek bones and lips slightly parted. You could see your hand trembling with pure adrenaline as the hand that wasn’t on his shoulder reached up to fix his tilted glasses and messy hair. The hand on his shoulder was close enough to his chest to feel the slight drum of his heart unusually fast for someone who was basically standing still.

You really weren’t sure why you were surprised. Jae had always gone out of his for you. Always done little things to take care of you in his own little way. Holding your hand when the professor handed back assignments rubbing your knuckles with his thumb reassuringly, playing his guitar when you were in a sad mood at the park you sometimes visited after coming back from the noodle place, gently brushing your hair away from your face when it fell on your face while writing notes, or crushing you in a hug when you didn’t get the grade you wanted hand gently holding you against him.

He always joined in on your childish behavior by pushing you on the swing or going down the slide with you at the park, always bringing you your favorite snacks from the convenience store he walked by on the way to class knowing fully well you sometimes forgot to eat, or even letting you spill your tears to him on days you just didn’t feel good.

He had always stuck by your side. During both good days and bad days even managing to make the bad days good days just by being there with you making it his mission to make you smile. All this made you come to a realization. Sure, maybe what you had for him before was nothing but a silly crush, but now as you got to know him more and become someone he confided in, the feelings you got around him were crystal clear.

You were in love with Jaehyung Park, and now that you knew what you were feeling, you wanted to scream it to the whole world. What you were feeling was something so beautiful and precious that people only dreamed to experience. You weren’t sure if the vile world would ever allow you to feel this ethereal emotion ever again, and as you looked up at the man your heart had so harshly and deeply fallen for, you were terrified. You didn’t want to ruin what you had.

You wanted to stay like this, blissfully unaware of each other's true feelings for one another. Even if your body and heart longed to be close to him, to touch him, feel him, and know every crevice and inch of him, you counted yourself lucky to be able to be close to him like this, where your probably unreturned feelings didn’t make anything awkward or burdensome for anyone.

You felt a little prick at your eye cursing yourself for wanting to cry, but you managed a small smile in Jae’s direction taking a step away from him and suggesting you sit back down since you both still had time before you had to go to class. He sat on the opposite side of the table as you, gaze not straying away from you.

You took a deep breath feeling tingles running along your spine since the air between you both had become tense filled with something you couldn’t identify. You both remained silent sitting there. You became fidgety, stretching your legs in front of you only for your right leg to gently bump against what you assumed to be the pole supporting and holding the table up. You were staring outside watching all the students pass by happily ignorant to the slight change in relationship between the two friends sitting across each other sitting in silence.

You absentmindedly started running your leg up and down the pole under the table when you heard a weird sputtering sound much alike to choking from a foot away from you. You turned away from the window looking at the man across from you only to flinch back in surprise with the sight you were met with.

Jae was staring at you with wide panicked eyes, and his shaking arm held up to his face, but even with the arm you could see the red tinting his chest, neck, face, and ears. His chest was heaving and you could see his whole body trembling. You instantly grew worried all focus going to Jae assuming there was something seriously wrong with him. The table wasn’t that wide which allowed you to lean closer to his body holding your palm to his forehead feeling it was abnormally hot. You anxiously tapped your foot against the pole supporting the table. “Jae are you okay?” you heard him gasp out an answer not being able to understand at all when you felt the pole under the table slightly move against your leg.

Wait, poles can’t move.

[vierafication]

Last night around 4 am, I reblogged a certain post about "villainous rp" and added my own two cents to what had been discussed within it- mostly just venting about behavior I'd seen in the past. I didn't think much of it until I saw the next day it had been reblogged, and reblogged again, and again, by some folks who seemed pretty unhappy about what I'd said. I was told I needed to get a life, that I clearly can't separate IC and OOC, that maybe I shouldn't be writing at all. That hurt. I was irritated, then, feeling like I'd had words shoved in my mouth, like I was being purposefully misinterpreted. I typed up a clarification post explaining my previous points and pressed send, but it was seemingly ignored.

I talked with @damankjol about it later. He's the best, if you didn't know. And he rp's villains! I don't think he's a sociopath! He's very empathic and honest and understanding and cool, and he helped me realize that people weren't just angry at me, they were genuinely hurt by what I'd written. I went back and reread what I posted, as well as the responses, with a more critical eye. And... yeah. What I typed up wasn't clean, organized, or coordinated. I was venting and the tone that came off was irritated and rude. While not my intention, what I wrote sounded pretty fucking disrespectful and downright mean. And, frankly, my intentions don't matter, anyway, since I wasn't able to convey them properly. I just put some angry bullshit up on tumblr way too late at night, and I didn't expect anybody to even look at it, let alone reblog it- but I should have. Tumblr is a public platform and I should have approached my post the same way I'd approach any other one during the normal hours of the day. Thinking critically is always key, but audience is too- a vent post is a vent post, but I should have thought before I vented about a topic other people were sensitive to, and properly indicate specifics instead of vague generalizations. So, yes, I really wanted to apologize to anyone who that post hurt. I’m genuinely sorry. I should not have generalized like that. It wasn't even my intention in the first place. I was disrespectful and now that I think about it, incredibly hypocritical to boot. So yeah. I really am sorry. I respect @damankjol and @miqojak a lot as writers, and it would never be my intention to tear them down. Or anybody else, for that matter- rp only works when you rp with others, after all.

Once again, I'm sorry, and I hope you won't hate me for eternity or anything. Storytime and critical analysis under the cut.

One of my first, and worst, experiences in the ffxiv rp community was a good couple years ago. I was describing my character to a “friend,” and that character happened to be Lionnet Blodoint, my Ishgardian chirurgeon. Lionnet was not a good person by a long shot, to begin with, and from his time serving during the Dragonsong War, he’d developed quite a bit of PTSD relating to any and all things draconic. He hated dragons. He didn’t even like Au Ra. “Wow,” said the so-called friend at the time. “Your character is a nazi.”

“What? No!” I exclaimed. I tried to explain that he was NOT a nazi, he was just a traditionalist Ishgardian who hated dragons because they had been, at one point in time, absolutely hell-bent on destroying his home and everything he knew. I thought it was a pretty reasonable character trait to hate, or at least fear, dragons after serving in the Dragonsong War. The core of how I’d planned to develop him would be overcoming or at least coming to terms with his trauma, and no longer seeing it in every dragon or Au Ra he met. “No,” they said. “Your character is terribly written. They’re awful and nobody would ever want to rp with them. They’re boring because they’re so full of negative traits. They’re racist and thus, a nazi. And you are just as bad, because you’re defending them! You’re a nazi too!”

So yeah, they are NOT my friend anymore. But that whole convo really stuck with me, and I was afraid to bring out Lio afterwards- it took me another year before I actually began to use him in rp. And he turned out wonderful! His story became one of my favorite rp character stories of all time, and he had great relationship development and a happy ending. He’s still around, canonically, but I have a different main toon now.

So it shocks me that what that person told me about Lio is more or less the same as what I wrote in that post. I’m honestly dumbfounded at how I could just casually type that up and post it, when it draws so many parallels to the way I was bullied back then. So yeah. Huge hypocrisy right there. I swore to never act like that. And to an extent, I suppose I have. But that post I made was pretty fucking close- just directed at a vaguely generalized audience instead of a singular person and character. Maybe that’s actually worse. And I am sorry. I guess because it wasn’t directed at anyone but the void (even the op’s url doesn’t exist anymore), I just didn’t think about it. Which sounds like a lame-ass excuse, but... it’s true. I just wasn’t thinking. I was just venting. It’s really fucking with me that I could’ve hurt somebody so much completely unintentionally, to be honest.

So, what did I say- or, to be more clear, what was I attempting to say? What was my intention, and what wasn’t? I’m going to go over that now, more for my benefit than anyone else’s. Please note that I am not trying to make excuses or shove any blame elsewhere. I am just trying to clarify what I meant and address the issues that made my post so negative, for my own sake.

To begin, I’m gonna link this post by @lilac-memorials. It goes into detail about the trouble with “villain” discourse, and addresses a number of issues from a much more unbiased standpoint, far more eloquently than I could. Also, it seems to reference (the worse) parts of my posts at some points, or maybe I’m just paranoid. Regardless, it’s a much better post than the trainwreck that was the original one, and I agree with every bit of it. It also addresses the difference between a “villain” and an “antagonist,” which is something I attempted to go into but failed miserably.

Anyhoo. My post began with this paragraph:

Seriously. I do not trust anyone who refers to themselves as a “villain” rper. A character can take an antagonistic role in another character’s story arc, that’s fine, that works. It goes back to the “everyone is the hero of their own story” sorta thing. But playing a villain, only as a villain… what’s the point in that? It’s just someone roleplaying as an evil asshole that expects to be treated as stronger than other characters, expects to be feared. It reads like some twisted power fantasy. It doesn’t sound fun and it sure isn’t fun for the people rping with you. Like dude, calm down.

To begin with, yes, I am indeed a little distrustful of people who label their characters first and foremost as villains, before anything else. I am more suspicious of engaging in rp with them than I am with other types of characters, because I have seen some pretty crappy villains out and about and I just don’t wanna deal with that. Next, I go on to try to draw the line between a villain and an antagonist, and how I am much less suspicious of “antagonistic” characters than straight-up “villain” characters. “But playing a villain, only as a villain... what’s the point in that?” I ask. Very rudely. Insinuating that their is no point whatsoever in playing a villain. Which I didn’t intend to. But honestly, I don’t know how else that would’ve translated- I don’t know what I was thinking. I go on to describe this “villain” as somebody who is an evil asshole with a power fantasy, and how it ruins fun for anybody. Which can be read very easily as saying “all villains are like this.” No, they are not! I was describing the bad type of villain rper. The rper who “plays a villain, only as a villain,” and not as a character. Do you get what I mean now? The controlling, toxic, power-hungry rper that plays a villain as an outlet to be further controlling, toxic, and power-hungry, moreso than they ever could in reality. We all know that type of person exists. We’ve met them, somewhere. Sometimes they aren’t playing the villain at all, anyway. They’re playing the hero, or somebody else entirely. But here, I am just venting about that type of person. They are what my post is about. The key line should’ve been “playing a villain, only as a villain,” but it was shoved into a passive-aggressive question addressing self-worth instead of a proper sentence describing the difference between a well-written villain and a badly-written villain. And thus the post begins as if it had been rudely addressed to all villain rpers everywhere, labeling them as the evil asshole with a power fantasy, instead.

Next is: Anyway hot take but maybe the reason people kept trying to “redeem” and “change” OP’s character is because their character is boring af!

Yeahhhh, that one’s just mean. And, given the first paragraph, easily able to seen as an attack saying that if you are a villain rper, your character is boring af. They’re not! The op’s post is a little much, to be honest, and I guess I thought I was feeling spicy at 4 am. Now I think I must’ve just been being mean. Aurelia explains what’s wrong with the initial post here, though, instead of trying and failing to poke fun at it in that special pseudo-mean tumblr way like I did.

Lastly, Like, honestly! Play a character as a foil to another, play to fucked up ideas about morality, play an antagonist arc to a protagonist character, play a character who makes bad decisions. But don’t play a “villain.” Don’t play a character whose core personality traits are simply being cruel/evil. Don’t play a character whose sole focus is to kill npcs, be scary, and lord over other players’ characters. Don’t play a character who never develops or changes, and doesn’t facilitate change in other characters. Just don’t be an asshole edgelord. Don’t be flat and one dimensional. Don’t use rp to live out your fucked up power fantasy. Get therapy instead.

Honestly, I think this is the most clear part of my entire post, and also the worst, at the end there. I just am listing off behaviors that this figurative “bad villain rper” exhibits, and what offsets them. Play a villain that’s complex, had depth, nuance! I’m saying don’t play the “villain,” and then listing off what this specific hypothetical villain is. The opposite of deep and nuanced. The “bad villain rper” type the whole post is a vent about.

Then comes the dreaded “ Don’t use rp to live out your fucked up power fantasy. Get therapy instead. “ The villainous power fantasy. No, I do not think everyone who rp’s villains is like this. Yes, I believe there are people like this, who are INCREDIBLY few and far between, and if they solely use rp as an outlet to harass others both ICly and OOCly, that is bad! And maybe they should get help! And even, then, that was only half-serious! But therapy is a serious subject and I should have known better, and done better. Did all of that come off as intended? Hell no! Instead, it was the final nail in the coffin.

So! That’s what I was trying to say. Badly-written villains are a pain. If I had written up a post like I am now, with this long-ass thing, actually trying to be eloquent and clear. Not 4 am word vomit. This 4 am word vomit instead has gotten me to be read and interpreted as:

-being completely unable to separate character and player to the point where i think every villain’s player is a Real Life Bad Person and/or needs mental help

-saying all villains are boring because they’re not heroes, and thus are incapable of being complex and nuanced

-saying people who play dark/antagonistic characters are, in general, living out their fucked up power fantasy through them

-thinking that villainous characters are incredibly boring and just plain terrible

No! None of that is what I think! Absolutely none! I’m not going to go in and refute each of those claims, because, like I said, I’m not trying to make excuses here. But I WILL end this thing with what I do think of villainous characters and their players:

They’re fucking great, okay? A good story is made a gazillion times better by having a good villain in it, be the story a book, a movie, or an rp scenario. Well-written villain rpers are a TREASURE, and need to be appreciated! It is often harder to find rp with antagonistic toons, to begin with, and their players may find themselves getting shit on more often than others, which should absolutely not be the case. Characters that are complex and deep and nuanced are great no matter what their alignment is.

There ARE some pretty shitty villain rpers out there, too. And, in my own personal experience, they tend to be much more obnoxious than shitty hero rpers. A badly written hero will ruin a villain’s rp. A badly written villain may well try to ruin everybody around them’s rp.

Badly written villains suck. They’re the worst. And they make things worse for those that dedicate a lot of time and effort to crafting complex and cleverly written, compelling villains! Badly written villains are something I can and will complain about, just as well-written villains are something that I can and will praise. But I’ll try not to complain or vent on this platform anymore, to start.

And I do NOT blend IC and OOC. That’s the rper’s taboo! I will critique others who do it, though, which ironically is what I was sort of trying to do- complain about those specific villain players who do that. But anyway. If you’ve read this far, good for you! This has been way too long.

And. Please. If I do say or do something that hurts you in the future, regardless of what type of post it is, talk to me! Tell me what’s up! Thank you!

[crisisoninfintefandoms]

I see some people says Xena changed their life and stuff, did Xena inspired you as a fan in some way ?

Um, I’m not really sure what “inspired as a fan” means exactly? But, uh, yeah, Xena was a Big Deal for me lol.

Showing my age here a bit, X:WP first came on air when I was 8-years old and I had--quite frankly--never seen anything like it. I remember the ads leading up to premier, and from the very first episode I was hooked. I watched it every week religiously, even recording episodes on video cassette when I couldn’t watch it live. It was (and still is, really) so rare to have a female character with that much unapologetic power. Finally, there was a power fantasy on television that was made for me. Honestly, this show meant so much to me as a person, in ways that I didn’t even fully realize till I was musch older and could look back on it. 

It showed complex women making difficult choices and growing from their experiences, letting them be human and have flaws while simultaneously managing to be utterly indulgent in letting them just be Awesome. 

It showed a powerful, heroic woman who was also deeply emotional, and not in a “her emotions give her power” type of way, just in a “she’s a person and feels things sometimes” type of way. As someone who always really admired stoicism but could never really remotely succeed at being stoic, seeing a hero, especially a woman, who cried and screamed and laughed and felt anger and sadness and joy so fully probably did way more for me than I realized at the time. Xena was a badass woman who allowed to cry, without that being some Big Deal moment showing “oh look, she’s really still a Vulnerable Soft Woman” underneath. Her tears just showed that she was human and felt things, and in no way diminished her ability to be smart, heroic, and kick your fucking ass. 

It was my first exposure to positive depictions of bisexuality and lesbian women, and even if I maybe didn’t quite consciously pick up on it at the time, I can’t help but feel like growing up with Xena and Gabrielle in my life helped me accept my own bisexuality more easily. How could love between two women possibly be wrong, when it was clearly such a beautiful and powerful thing? And yes, Xena can be attracted to Ares and Gabrielle, why wouldn’t she be? They’re both Hot AF! (Also Lucy Lawless could have chemistry with a brick wall, so...yeah) 

Also, it was a show that just had so many women in it? Like, so many different types of women, women in different roles, good women, bad women, scary women, inspiring women, wise and foolish women, brave and cowardly women...in Orange is the New Black there was this statement by one of the actresses about a big brawl scene, how unusual it was to even have a scene with that many women in it at all, let alone a fight scene, and yeah, that is pretty unusual these days. But Xena: Warrior Princess had a whole slew of stunt women on call and they use them basically whenever they can. There’s a whole tribe of Amazons--several, actually--who are a major part of the story. It made it feel normal, like women were just a part of this world. Y’know...the way they are in real life? And this isn’t to knock OitNB, I’m just pointing out that the fact that this is still so note-worthy makes Xena feel even more special, like more of a phenomenon that deserves a really special place in our cultural memory, cause while Xena is, like, canonically The Greatest Warrior and Military Leader Of All Time, she is by no means the only woman warrior, general or leader in her world.

AND THEN THERE’S THE MEN TOO, LET’S NOT FORGET ABOUT THEM (lol). Cause, yes, while there’s plenty of villainous men (and women, but I’m talking about men in this paragraph), there were also examples of men who were genuinely supportive, caring, brave and selfless, and who could learn to grow beyond the toxic masculinity they were brought up with (not that toxic masculinity was a commonly known term back then, but looking back, that’s clearly what’s going on). Men and Women can “just be friends” in this universe. They can support each other and watch each other’s back and come to each other’s rescue when needed because that’s what friends do. 

And finally, as someone who writes and someone who loves stories, I think X:WP remains one of the big examples in my life that reminds me that adventures stories are supposed to be fun. Sure, there can be a lot of darkness and sadness and pain, but at the end of the day, you gotta remember to have fun with the stories you’re telling, y’know? And y’know what, yeah, do that thing you want! You wanna do a riff on Groundhog Day via Romeo and Juliet? Sure! Wanna tell several versions of Cinderella set in a time period probably long before the Cinderella was a thing? Have at it! Want a musical episode? Here: have two.  

And look, does the show have flaws? Of course. Are there things I wish were different, or that I’d do differently if making the show today? Obviously. But I’ve barely begun to scratch the surface here about all the things I love about it and  overall, I do just feel like my life was better for having Xena in it, and I think if they give it a chance, most people would find themselves feeling the same way. It’s special. There’s nothing else quite like it. It was Supernatural, before Supernatural, but gayer. It was the best parts of Wonder Woman and Batman all rolled into one. It was HBO’s Game of Thrones but, like...fun. 

So, did Xena change my life? Yeah, probably, in the sense that I literally can’t imagine my life without her in it or who I’d be without her. She didn’t just change my life--she helped make it. And thank you for sending me this ask, because it’s honestly reminded me that, in times of struggle and when you’re feeling low, it’s a good idea to just take a breath and remember to:

(I mean, good Xena, obviously. Evil Xena, nine times out of ten, would just shout “kill them all” and then set everything on fire, and that is not the behavior I am condoning or encouraging lol)

[edsbev]

I really need people to stop calling normal teen behavior “toxic” especially that “it’s not my fault you don’t like girls” scene because both actors have already said that they don’t think it means what everyone wants it to mean. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist, and that the audience can’t interpret it that way. But they make up and ultimately it’s a fight that forces them to reevaluate their behavior and then grow over the course of the season 1/2

2/2 bc if we’re going around calling fights between friends toxic then the fight between Richie and Bill is toxic af. Richie literally says “Georgie is dead” the one thing he knows will break Bill. But Bill forgives him and they end that summer still being friends, closer friends than before. why is Mike and Will’s fight toxic and Bill and Richie’s fight now? I feel like people take these ~sinking~ of ships too seriously and expect more of these teen characters than they do of adult characters

oh yeah definitely. none of the young teen ships are toxic. ppl throw that word around way too easily. of course there can still be some negative and even unhealthy aspects to those ships/dynamics etc (eg. it was unhealthy how dependent m.ileven were at the start of this season but they developed by the end of the season). but theyre young. theyre kids. theyre gonna fuck up and make mistakes, gonna hurt each others feelings and yell at each other and say things they dont mean, and learn and grow from that. kids are messy.