#this is not meant as criticism of anyone giving well-meaning advice

[battlestarbones]

There's a LOT of well-intentioned misinformation on this post from many many people, but I'm reblogging this comment bc it's the most detailed comment I saw. The above is mostly correct, but a few details are wrong. (110/70 is a lovely, perfectly normal BP and so is 100/60, especially for healthy young people. 135 on top is "elevated" but almost never acutely concerning and so is 95 on the bottom, although it's relatively more elevated.)

Sources: American Heart Association (linked where relevant below) and my education as a 4th year USAmerican medical student. This post is intended as education-only and not as medical advice for any specific individual or situation.

The most important thing missing from most of the advice on this post is that a concerning blood pressure is context-dependent.

Here is a chart from the American Heart Association. From here. All the numbers discussed below are for adults only.

As you can see, a normal BP is <120/80. Usually 90/60 is considered the bottom end of normal BP. This is the ideal range to be in over the long term (for most people) because it is healthiest for your heart, blood vessels, and kidneys. If you're concerned about low blood pressure, you can read more here.

Chronically elevated blood pressure is considered hypertension and should be treated with lifestyle changes and medication to maximize long term health. By definition, hypertension cannot be diagnosed from a single elevated BP reading. It requires multiple readings separated in time.

If you are reading this and already have high blood pressure diagnosed by your doctor, following their advice is your best strategy!

What is a concerning blood pressure? That depends on a lot of factors.

An acute change in BP is often the most concerning. The body habituates/adjusts to even an abnormal BP over time, so it will tolerate BPs in that range better than someone who usually has a very different BP.

For example, a BP of 200/120 is dangerously high for anyone. But I would be much more concerned about it in someone whose typical BP is 120/80 than in someone who has poorly-controlled hypertension and whose BP was 180/110 at their PCP visit last week. That high blood pressure is still going to do a lot of damage long term in the chronic hypertension patient, but I'm much less worried about their body being unable to handle it acutely over hours to days (e.g. causing flash pulmonary edema, hemorrhagic stroke, myocardial infarction) than I am about the patient without hypertension who suddenly has a sky-high BP. Additionally, quickly lowering BP to "normal" in a patient who has had a very high BP for a long time is often dangerous.

In the opposite direction, a BP of 85/55 is very low, but I am much more worried about that BP in a patient who usually has a normal or high BP than if I'm seeing a patient with chronic systolic heart failure on maximum medical therapy whose BP is maybe 90/60 on a good day. I'm much more worried about the cause of the low BP (and potentially the consequences) in the patient who should have a normal to high BP, compared to the heart failure patient.

As a very general guideline, intended just to provide more context on what a BP reading might mean:

If you are feeling well, a BP reading between 120/80 and about 160/100 is a good reason to make an appointment to see your primary care doctor. They can repeat your BP and give you advice.

If you are feeling well, a BP reading higher than 160/100 is a good reason to call your PCP and ask to speak to someone in the office about how soon they would like to see you.

Now we'll get to the section labeled in the chart as Hypertensive Crisis. The new guidelines break this into 2 categories:

1. Hypertensive Urgency

If the top number is >180 OR the bottom number is >120 AND you're feeling well, this is considered hypertensive urgency. You should call your PCP right away for advice and may need to go to the emergency room, especially if you can't speak to or see your PCP.

2. Hypertensive Emergency

Hypertensive emergency is the ONLY situation in which elevated blood pressure is a true medical emergency. Hypertensive emergency occurs when high blood pressure causes damage to your organs. This is diagnosed when the top number is >180 OR the bottom number is >120 AND you have signs/symptoms of "target organ damage."

From the AHA.

tl;dr: whether a blood pressure reading is "concerning" depends on the context. if you feel well in the moment, your blood pressure is probably not acutely dangerous. if you have any concerns about your own blood pressure, you should talk to a primary care provider. (also fyi cocaine and other non-prescription stimulant use can cause severely elevated blood pressure in otherwise healthy young people and for that reason can lead to severe complications including heart attack and stroke. i genuinely don't care what you put in your own body but i think people should be informed about the risks.)

[tarotwithlucien]

Letter from your Future Spouse | PICK A PILE

⊹ ᨦ Hello! Welcome to another PAP about future spouse, as you asked for a lot, here I am back ;) I have to warn you that there's a lil bit of nsfw in this reading so if you're underage LEAVE 😠

₊˚๑ How to choose: Close your eyes, take a deep breath and choose the image that caught your attention. ₊˚๑ Disclaimer: All readings are done for entertainment only, don't use my readings as a replacement for legitimate advice. This is a general reading, so take what resonates and leave what doesn't.

⊹ ࣪ ˖ masterist | tip jar

🥐 ⊹ ꒱ PILE ONE ᨦ ♡

⊹ ︶⏝⭒ ⊹ ⭒⏝︶ ⊹

"My dearest love,

I want you to know that all I truly desire is a peaceful life with you. In a world that often seems to value wealth, fame, and material luxuries, I find solace in the simplicity of our love. I don’t need grand gestures or extravagant possessions. As long as I’m by your side, that’s more than enough for me. I envision a quiet, private life where it’s just the two of us, free from the noise and distractions of the outside world. It doesn’t even matter to me if no one in the city we live in knows our name, all that matters is you and the beautiful life we build together. From the moment I met you, I’ve fallen for you deeply. Your essence captivates me in ways I can hardly explain. I love your unique style, even when others judge it harshly (Many people in this pile have a more alternative look, maybe even tattoos or piercings, and that just adds to how much they admire you). I find beauty in your individuality, in the way you express yourself unapologetically. I adore listening to you talk, even when your words ramble on about something seemingly silly – it doesn’t matter. When you ask me to, I love wrapping my hands around your neck, feeling the warmth of your skin beneath my fingertips. The way you beg for my touch sends shivers down my spine; it ignites a fire within me that I never knew existed. The pleasure you give me is beyond anything I’ve ever experienced, and I crave every moment we share. Seeing you from behind during our passionate encounters drives me wild with desire, and I’m utterly eager to know your taste in every sense. I am completely captivated by you; you have my heart, and honestly, I’d let you ruin my life if that’s what you wanted. I want you to know that you are free to be exactly who you are with me. Never apologize for being yourself; your authenticity is what makes you shine. Don’t let the opinions of others weigh you down or dictate how you live your life. You don’t need to seek validation from anyone or change who you are to fit someone else’s expectations. Those people who criticize you? They’re simply jealous because they lack the courage to live as freely as you do. Remember, you’re not perfect – none of us are – but you possess so much inherent value. I hope you can see that in yourself, even on days when self-doubt creeps in. I’ve noticed that you’ve been holding back, staying quiet when things or people bother you, and it’s been going on for far too long. It’s time to stop. You deserve to stand up for yourself and speak out when something doesn’t feel right. Don’t just let things slide or accept situations that don’t sit well with your heart. And please, exercise caution with the people you trust – not everyone has your best interests at heart. You are precious to me, and I want to protect you from any negativity or harm that may come your way. You mean everything to me, and I promise to be your safe haven, your supporter, and your biggest fan. Together, we can navigate this life and face whatever challenges come our way. I’ll always stand by your side, encouraging you to be the incredible person you are meant to be.

With all my love, Your future spouse."

🥐 ⊹ ꒱ PILE TWO ᨦ ♡

⊹ ︶⏝⭒ ⊹ ⭒⏝︶ ⊹

"My love,

I’ve never felt so happy or so deeply invested in someone until you came into my life. Before we became what we are now, we were just friends, and that in itself was confusing for me. I’d never felt anything like this for anyone before, so it caught me off guard. But now, being with you, I find myself in awe, thinking, "Wow, is this really my life?”. Being with you as your partner feels like the most divine experience I’ve ever had. Right now, I know there are people who don’t treat you the way you deserve. Some of them always think they’re right and criticize you, making it seem like you’re always wrong and never good enough. They point out your flaws and mistakes as if you aren’t capable of doing anything right. But listen to me, love, you don’t need to tolerate that. You deserve better. These people don’t know your worth, and I’m telling you, don’t waste your time trying to please them. Don’t let their words tear you down, and don’t let them walk all over you. It’s time for you to stand tall and show them exactly who you are. You’re so much more than their shallow judgments, and you don’t need their approval to know your value. The thought of losing you is something I can hardly bear. Just imagining you being with someone else, laughing with them, sharing moments, and kissing them – it makes my heart ache in ways I can’t describe. It’s not that I don’t trust you, it’s just that I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. I’m protective of you because I love you so much, and the idea of someone else having what we have – it would break me. I know it sounds possessive, but it’s not in a toxic way. I just can’t imagine my life without you, and I don’t want to share you with anyone. You’re mine, and I’ll always fight for us because I know that what we have is rare. This kind of love doesn’t come around often, and it’s something worth fighting for, no matter what. I’ll be by your side through every high and low. I’m not going anywhere. Stay with me, because I can give you everything you’ve ever wanted, everything you’ve dreamed of. You deserve the world, and I’ll spend my life trying to give it to you. You’re beautiful – so incredibly beautiful. If we were in a room full of people, you’d still be the only one I’d see. No one else could ever hold my attention the way you do. You make me feel more alive than I ever have before, and I can’t help but be mesmerized by you, by the way you move, by everything you are. I want you. I want to feel you close, I want our bodies to collapse into one another, and I want to hold you through the night. I want to wake up the next morning with you beside me, your face illuminated by the soft light of the sun. I can’t imagine anything more perfect than that. Every moment with you feels like a dream, and I never want to wake up from it. I hope you know how much you mean to me, how much I cherish you. I’m completely and hopelessly in love with you, and I’ll stand by you, no matter what comes our way. You’re my heart, my soul, my everything.

With all my love, Your future spouse."

🥐 ⊹ ꒱ PILE THREE ᨦ ♡

⊹ ︶⏝⭒ ⊹ ⭒⏝︶ ⊹

"My darling,

I want you to know that I’m here to lift you up and encourage you to fly high, chasing after all your dreams with unwavering determination. I see you grappling with people who are rude or who treat you as if you’re less than you truly are, and I want you to realize that this mistreatment only happens because you allow it. I understand that you might hold back your words, choosing silence to avoid conflict, but it’s essential for you to stand your ground and assert yourself. You have every right to demand respect, and you must not let anyone walk all over you. It might take time for you to learn how to set boundaries and to stand firm without feeling guilty, especially if you’re someone who tends to please others. Change doesn’t happen overnight, but I promise you, you’ll get there if you take that first step. I see you feeling lonely at times, and it pains me to know that you’re going through this. I can help you mend that loneliness, and I want nothing more than to see you shine brightly in your own unique way. I long to be near you, to touch you, to kiss you passionately, and to explore every inch of your being. You deserve to feel desired and loved, and I want to be the one to show you just how incredible you are. I’ll make you scream with pleasure because you are such a good girl/good boy, and I will send you all the love in my heart, wrapped in every caress and whisper. You have the power to manifest the life of your dream. You can create the reality you desire, and I believe in you wholeheartedly. Know that I am practically at your feet, waiting for you to call out to me. As soon as you do, I will come running. Being apart from you right now feels like a dagger to my heart. Even though we haven’t met yet, I am on a quest to find you, enduring this distance as best I can. The thought of trying to stop loving you is impossible; it would only cause my feelings to deepen. I could never truly let you go, and the very idea of it is unbearable. But I hold on to the hope that one day we will be together, sharing everything that life has to offer. My eyes are always on you; you are everything I see. You are my world, my everything, and I will always be here, ready to embrace you when the time comes.

With all my love, Your future spouse."

© tarotwithlucien - don't copy, redistribute or edit my content | moodboard & dividers by plutism

[indiaalphawhiskey]

Hi, India!!

I’m writing my first fic for a fest and I was so excited about it. But I reread what I wrote so far and it’s just soooo bad 😭 I can’t think of anyone reading it, specially because english is not my first language and I fear my writing is not natural or fluid enough.

Do you have any advice on how can I take my mind out of this though and just write for pleasure as I used to? 🥲

Hey, love 💕

I’m sorry this took me awhile to answer. (I’m also not the most eloquent right now, I’m sorry.) Honestly, it’s a little funny that you chose to ask me this question, because I’m notorious for being very, very in my head about my writing and being consistent about quality.

To be fair to that, and to you, I’m going to try and give you a handful of answers, from different perspectives. They can be taken together or separately or not at all, whatever suits.

First, most importantly, and most pragmatically:

1. Get a beta you trust.

I know the face of this fandom has changed, I know content creation has dwindled and that less and less people are able to support writers this way, but honestly, for me, this is more important than almost anything about the writing process, and especially so if you’re writing in your second, third, fourth language. There are just too many nuances to language and verbiage, and it helps so much for someone to say “I know what you meant here, but it doesn’t read like that.”

(I don’t believe in ever letting my work go unbeta-ed, no matter how confident I feel in the raw work or the language, because of course I know what I meant to say — I’m the writer. I need some to firmly (but kindly) check that the audience understands it as well.)

Betas also help in terms of managing self-criticism, because being hard on yourself is just not always something you can change, especially if you care about the story and skill-building. A good beta will help by either saying “it’s not bad, you’ve just read it too often, put it down” or “why do you think it’s bad exactly” and help you improve it.

Second, on the concept of writing for pleasure:

2. Just because something is hard doesn’t mean it’s not fun.

People often mistake “fun” for “easy”; I don’t think it’s the same. I think when you enjoy something and are passionate about it, it’s going to cost you and force you to push yourself. There’s no such thing as “low-stakes passion”, that’s just incongruous. (Marathon runners don’t keep running races that are easy for them. They progress because they like it — process, challenges, rewards, everything.)

Similarly, you clearly write because you love it. But if you’re getting to the point where you’re cognizant enough to be self-critical, that means you’re improving. It means there are things you want to convey that your skill doesn’t allow you to yet.

Hold on to that, because that’s motivation. It means that you love something enough that you’re consumed with doing it justice. That tension is not a bad thing; that’s where a hobby turns into a passion and the solution is not about regressing back to something low-stakes — it’s about finding out how to bridge the gap between your skill and your ambition.

And third, focused on the output:

3. Focus on how much you want your story to exist.

Most of the time, writing is a long game. It’s about consistency and effort and focus and discipline, and all of those things are tiring as fuck.

It’s so much easier to bang out a drabble and get the validation, and move onto the next “fun” idea. And that’s totally fine, except for when you want this particular story to exist this particular way.

I’ve found that’s the only thing that pushes me to stay motivated and devoted to writing — the thought that I just want this story to exist and I don’t want to live in a world where it doesn’t.

My boss always says this thing: “let the content lead”, and I think that’s true of writing. If you’re focused on weaving this idea into something tangible, if that’s mainly what drives you, the relationship stays between you and the story (not the story and it’s external reception) and that can alleviate the pressure a lot, because you shift into writing to fulfill an internal goal, and as long as that story exists, you’ve achieved that.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, I think all of your concerns are valid. You have a very practical issue: the language barrier, that needs a very practical solution: a beta. But you’re also hitting a moment of growth in terms of your writing, and I don’t want you to look at that hurdle and assume it means you need to turn around. Things can be hard and also fun, and I wouldn’t want the fandom to miss out on this version of this story that can only be written by you just because you’ve outgrown your current skill set.

Lastly, and I think this is really important: remember that this is never going to be your last fic. So if it’s not perfect — if it’s not exactly the way you want it to be at the end — write another one that’s better, and another, and another. There’s room in this fandom for every version of you as a writer, and your chances to improve and represent yourself better are infinite. Write what you can write now, and then write something better later. 🩷

[hexandbalances]

Hi, any advice on where to start as a beginner interested in witchcraft

I have some general advice. I wrote something to this effect some years ago and it boiled down to this:

Wicca is just one system. Adaptive, certainly, but it is not a universal default of magical practice. This is perhaps more commonly understood now than when I began practising, in which Wicca was misrepresented as THE witchcraft.

You don’t need to buy anything. Witchcraft has/is becoming slowly consumed by the Wellness Industry. Some will attempt to sell you everything from crystal phallus (porous! Do Not Use) to nail polish in the guise of self-care/self-affirmation/empowerment. You cannot buy these feelings, only products. Where you can, make your own tools. Thrift them. Improvise. Try the next best thing and see if it works.

Experiment.

Actually practice. Especially if it feels silly. Too often we make practice a thought exercise and it never escapes ideation.

When it comes to religion or spirituality, no one has the answer. You must discover what is true for yourself.

Read everything. Often we read one thing and then sit on that as the Definitive thing. Expose yourself to different interpretations, different perspectives. You may find you like some things but turn away from others. Resist anyone or anything that requires you to be “all in or else.”

Have curiosity. “Where does this belief come from? Why must it be done like this? What was the purpose of this part? So and so says XYZ, is that true? Is doing X serving me, my patron, or someone else?” If a step seems arbitrary there may have been meaning that was lost over generations - or it might have just fit more nicely in the pan. Critically analyzing the text/practice/metaphysical schema/culture/etc. will give you a better understanding and dismiss assumptions that might otherwise waste your time and resources.

You might find you like a particular style or practice for a time and then decide that it stops working quite as well or something else calls to you more. This is natural; you were never meant to be static. Be ready to leave some things behind and be at peace when you do.

Khaire

[donnerpartyofone]

I bailed on a party over the weekend because the parties in that particular series tend to be kind of overwhelming and the last time my husband and I were at one some creepy guy grabbed me in a really intimate full-body way and got kind of hurt about it when I reacted with stunned confusion, and even though I don't think he meant personal harm and basically "nothing bad happened", it gave me this feeling of trepidation about the next party and I decided I needed a slightly longer break from that whole crowd. In the meantime I made it clear to my husband that in the future I might just leave on my own when I start to get overwhelmed so people don't have to watch my aura change and wonder what the fuck my problem is while I wait until things wind down naturally.

Anyway the incident above is exceptional because that guy was really not acting right, but in general: When you have a thing where you strongly do not wish to be touched, and especially if you are at the same time a woman, people will give you all kinds of idealistic, impractical advice about how you Must stand up for your self in a spirit of radical honesty at all times, to exercise your all-important modern bodily sovereignty, and it's like...yeah but life is not an after school special where everybody learns a big lesson and changes for the better in the space of two or three lines of dialog. And like people who say this kind of thing--well, I often suspect that they don't really live the way they're telling me I should live, it's just some aspirational fantasy they have about how life SHOULD be, but to that point I think they're not really considering the tax of constantly, righteously asserting your needs with all kinds of people, especially in more casual and/or public situations. Like yes in a perfect world I would bring the law down on anyone who threatens to ignorantly violate my comfort, but the reality is that most people just do not understand specifically the touching thing at all, and trying to explain myself to people who are not going to get it in situations that don't really matter is just a lot more trouble than it's worth. I have had supposedly-close loved ones make fun of me for it, or passive-aggressively declare that they're respecting my boundaries while making it really clear that they're hurt by my perceived rejection of them, or even just act like I secretly DO really want a bunch of big ol' mushy hugs and my whole "don't touch me" thing is just my secret way of begging for the physical contact that I'm too shy to ask for directly. And when it's a question of dealing with someone I do NOT know, and who I may not even want to get to know, there can be political factors in play, or safety issues, or just the plain old desire for expedience. A lot of the time it's genuinely better to just eat shit and accept the hug knowing that this, too, shall pass.

I recently witnessed a helpful example of this problem that had nothing to do with sex. If you've spent any amount of time with macho tough guys then you probably know that they're incredibly thin-skinned--not just that they're easily angered, but they're extremely sensitive to rejection and criticism. Sometimes I meet one of these tough guys and while I think I'm being totally friendly and normal, they manage to react to everything I say as if I'm secretly judging them and they have to somehow communicate that they know I don't really like them or something. It's funny how that tough guy stuff means the opposite of what it expresses, like how saying "I don't give a fuck" is the clearest possible way to let people know that you most certainly give a fuck and in fact you are giving one right now.

So I was at the classy neighborhood whiskey bar for the birthday of a friend who has had his party there every year for like a decade or something, and the owner is one of these guys. I like him actually, he's smart and funny and has interesting things to say, but he's always indicating that he thinks I'm avoiding him or rolling my eyes at him or something, like he's going to catch me in the act of secretly not liking him. So at this party, which was really an intimate gathering of close-knit pals who have been coming to the bar for years, there was another big macho tough guy, and he refused to shake hands with the owner. There was a good reason that he explained very clearly up front; I can't remember exactly but it was something very rational like his kids were sick, or he was trying not to catch a cold before traveling to see older relatives, that kind of thing--but the bar owner just got so uncomfortable about it, it was really awkward and the two tough guys were like not OK with each other for the rest of the night. And you can imagine that if there were a harder-to-understand reason like a person just does not enjoy physical contact with other people and says "No thanks I do not prefer this", it might have been really not-worth the political problem of creating a bad atmosphere at an intimate birthday party just to avoid five seconds of discomfort. I mean if you're always happy to confront and instruct people under all circumstances, god bless you, but things are not always as black and white as all that for everybody else.

[dsimeon]

Okay, so… Lesson 40 spoilers ahead. I have many thoughts. Be warned, not all thoughts are positive.

Alright, so… We all know the general thoughts and feelings about the writing in nightbringer especially. I’ll touch on that later- but I will say, i sure as hell don’t think it was good in this most recent lesson.

First, I will say- I did greatly enjoy the individual moments with each of our boys. You’ll never guess who my favorite was- no, don’t look at the blog name- shit, yeah, it was Simeon. A close second was Barbatos, and following that, I loved Solomon in the whole lesson.

Simeon’s individual time was adorable. I loved the callback to the previous lesson. Giving him his own advice, and getting the option to cover his eyes for him as well? I think that was a nice touch. I also loved how we could see the seed of distrust planted in Simeon. We got to see him begin questioning his Father, which I think was actually very interesting. There Will be writing based on that coming from me at some point lol.

Next, Barbatos. I’ve seen other people talking about it, but… He knows. Barbatos SO knows. I loved how they hinted at him knowing that we aren’t from that time.

Lastly on the individual characters, Solomon! Normally, in OM, things that happened a while ago just straight up get forgotten, or brushed under the rug if they conflict with something new. I fully expected that to be the case with telling him his food is hot garbage. But it was very fun to see his endeavors in cooking once more, and actually succeeding with the help of Luke and Barbatos! I still feel bad about telling him the truth, but hey… someone had to. And we had a nice moment where his food was actually appreciated for it!

Now… That’s about all the positive things I have to say about this chapter. Please, click away if you don’t want to see criticism.

So… The goodbye felt lacking. The whole thing did, honestly- but the goodbye especially. You mean to tell me that we spent months building up to this epic moment where we are supposed to be going back home and… That?

1: the whole portal thing was absolutely pulled out of someone’s ass. Unless anyone remembers something I don’t- there was absolutely 0 mention of some hole in the sky that was meant to take us home. It makes no sense, either. We had the OPTION to wait until the founding ceremony, according to Solomon. That’s what made it special, in my opinion. The whole thing felt like laziness and rushed explanation. It feels as though they just didn’t want us to see Lucifer’s speech and wanted some excuse for the boys to “sacrifice” something for us, but really- there’s no reason.

2: You mean to tell me we really didn’t get to figure anything out about nightbringer? I want to be able to say that I trust the writers to give us more on nightbringer in the later lessons, but… We all know how much Solmare loves to just brush things under the rug. I wouldn’t be shocked if we got a half assed explanation, or even just ignored the whole nightbringer dudarino entirely.

3: Now, I can’t personally attest to it since I don’t give as many fucks about the hard lessons… But from what I hear, the hard lesson 40 was kinda bullshit. You’ll have to look for someone else’s explanation (or please, post your experience here!) but basically, from what I gathered, it also seemed very half assed.

4: This one is maybe more subjective, but… It bothers me a LOT that we never came clean. We made this big deal about having the brothers and everyone else trust us, but at the end of the day? We were no better. We hid a huge secret. And, don’t get me started with the whole “we can’t say anything because it will alter timelines” bullshit, because what the hell is the excuse with lesson 16 in OG? We died, then showed up again back then. That’s pretty groundbreaking shit.

ADDITIONALLY… Would that not give something for us to overcome? What is the point of storytelling if not to give the characters a problem? Say the timeline went fucky because we said something- I think that’s a way more entertaining tale than if everything went perfectly according to plan.

I’m really, really irritated that the MC had to be so hypocritical. How is it fair that we demand the trust from others if we won’t place our trust in them?

So… There are my thoughts. I don’t think my experience is universal- people are 100% free to disagree. But, with this being the season finale, I feel it was so… so lacking. Please, share your thoughts!

[yamayuandadu]

hello and thanks for all the information on your blog! i'm hoping you can provide some insight on this. were there any similarities left between the early cult of inanna from the "hymns to inanna", and the cult of ishtar in the neo-babylonian empire? people say the cult of ishtar came from the cult of inanna, but after many centuries, has the cult retained any of its previous characteristics?

With all due respect: please ask more precise questions about Inanna. I already requested that a few times before. There’s no viable way to give you a comprehensive response when the question is basically about critical evaluation of 4000 years worth of incredibly abundant material. My advice for anyone with similar questions would be to read Goddesses in Context as it addresses many similar matters. The short answer is that there is no real doubt about the continuity of cult of the city goddess of Uruk, whether referred to as Inanna, Ishtar, Nin-Eanna, Belet-Eanna or any variant name, from the fourth millennium BCE (the dawn of recorded history) down to the Parthian period (the end of cuneiform). See Paul-Alain Beaulieu's The Pantheon of Uruk During the Neo-Babylonian Period for some discussion.

More detailed response almost entirely relying on these two easily accessible sources under the cut.

I will admit I am puzzled by a part of the ask. There’s no singular work known as "hymns to inanna". I don't quite understand what you mean here. I can’t think of a single early corpus of hymns that might be meant here. The zami hymns are hardly Inanna-centric, the most recent edition argues they are ultimately centered on Lisin (article update tbd). They also do not say much about cult beyond listing cult centers. The Temple Hymns? Same caveat applies. The earliest form of Inanna’s cult is not documented in any hymns and in fact predates any literary texts whatsoever. These do not appear until well into the Early Dynastic period. The earliest evidence for the cult of Inanna boils down to references in administrative texts from the Uruk period. They confirm she was one of the oldest deities linked to specific cities - not the only one, since for example Nanshe and NINA (reading uncertain; Tell Zurghul) or Nisaba and Eresh (unlocated) show similarly strong links, but still. There isn’t much to say about the details. The typical early Inanna source is a list of commodities issued by a small or middle sized city, something like NI.RU (Jemdet Nasr) or Urum (Tell Uqair) for Inanna of Uruk. Virtually all settlements attested in the Uruk period corpus evidently included Inanna in their local pantheons, which reflects her role as the deity of the preeminent city-state, ie. Uruk. Zabalam needs to be singled out here since it seems Inanna in this case didn’t just enter the local pantheon, but also absorbed a deity worshiped there, possibly still sparsely attested as a separate figure in the Early Dynastic period. Inanna of Zabalam in later periods maintained some unique traits, like the connection to Shara, a god of exclusively local importance, but this cannot be discussed here in detail. I already covered the topic extensively elsewhere. Since the Uruk period texts are incredibly lax economic and administrative documents - writing was only just invented, after all - they do not provide much information about theology. However, they do confirm Inanna was already an astral deity at the dawn of history, since separate offerings had to be provided for “morning” and “evening” aspects of her. There are also more enigmatic epithets attested, including Inanna-NUN (maybe “princely Inanna”) and Inanna-KUR (“Inanna, the mountain”? I’d have to look into this more, but I’ve always assumed it’s like Enlil’s and Dagan’s mountain-related epithets highlighting their status). So to sum up, three out of the five main elements attested in later periods, all the way up to the death of cuneiform - astral character, major deity status and connection to Uruk - already appeared at the dawn of recorded history. Not bad for a deity whose early history we can only really analyze through texts looking like this:

The political importance of Inanna’s cult documented in earliest sources from Uruk was retained through the following centuries, even as the center of power in Mesopotamia shifted towards other cities, like Umma and Lagash. Theologically, she retained the role of one of the preeminent deities. The earliest known god list firmly places her as the #1 goddess, right behind An (whose prominence was entirely nominal) and Enlil (functionally the head of the pantheon). Most important, the importance of Inanna evidently continued in the Sargonic period. That’s when a big change in status quo occurred: complete fusion of Inanna of Uruk and the royal goddess of the Sargonic dynasty, hailing from Akkad up in the north. This was most likely motivated in no small part by politics - Uruk was one of the best established cities in the world known to the Mesopotamians, Akkad was an upstart peripheral town, deities were the key to royal legitimacy. Sometimes arguments are made that the warlike side of Inanna was absorbed from the goddess of Akkad, but really it seems the conflation was based on preexisting similarities. Certainly it would be unexpected for a deity of a militarily active city to have no warlike traits. It needs to be stressed here that the merge between the goddesses of Uruk and Akkad was actually pretty unique. To fully illustrate the point: there are thirty seven goddesses in the zame hymns; of these, only Inanna really underwent a similar process. Medimsha served as the counterpart of Shala later on but this is a different matter. At the same time, it was not the first case of conflation, as evidenced by the fact the names Nanna and Sin are already interchangeable in the early sources (and while nominally Akkadian, Sin was actually the preferred one ex. in Lagash, where Sumerian was by far the most commonly spoken language). There was a single mixed pantheon with deities with names originating in both languages (and some whose names instead came from substrates, Hurrian, etc) and with a lot of regional variety, there were no two similar but distinct “Sumerian” and “Akkadian” pantheons and conflation occurred on a case by case basis, not necessarily between a "Sumerian" and "Akkadian" deity. In the Temple Hymns, which might have been originally composed in the Sargonic period, there are three separate cult centers of Inanna as a result of the merge: Uruk, Zabalam and Ulmash, to be understood as the city of Akkad (it’s the name of a temple located there to be more precise). A further impact of the merge was the fact that the logogram representing Inanna’s name could also be read as Ishtar. The situation did not change much through the Ur III and Isin-Larsa periods when it came to the worship of Inanna in Uruk, but in the Old Babylonian period a crisis led to abandonment of many southern cities (in most cases temporarily, not permanently). The circumstances would take too much space to discuss, but both political and environmental factors are typically considered in scholarship. Uruk was among the locations impacted. The clergy evacuated to Kish, and brought Inanna(/Ishtar) with them. Kish had its own Ishtar already (she also had the distinct name Kišītum, “she of Kish”, according to texts from Mari and some theophoric names), but she was seemingly not affected by Inanna of Uruk “moving in”, and continued to be worshiped separately. She was actually more impacted by the introduction of Bau from another abandoned southern city, Lagash, but that’s also another matter which cannot be covered here (I already wrote about it in the past). The period between the end of the Old Babylonian period and the Neo-Babylonian period is somewhat poorly documented when it comes to Uruk, but we do know that the “cult in exile” came back home from Kish and that rulers from the Kassite dynasty rebuilt the Eanna temple for Inanna, with new snazzy decorated walls:

The Eanna dates back at least to the Early Dynastic period, and remained the center of Inanna's cult all the way up to the late first millennium BCE. While there is a hole in records from Uruk, documentation resumes in the Neo-Babylonian period, in no small part thanks to the discovery of the Eanna archive. It doesn’t seem like the model changed: kings fund cults in individual cities, clergy manages the day to day affairs of the temples, rituals like dressing up statues and lamentations occur regularly (though doubtlessly the “cultic calendar” shifted many times). The fall of the Neo-Babylonian Empire did bring huge changes, both from Uruk and for Mesopotamian religion as a whole, but that's another story.

[meaculpablog111]

I feel bad for not being of support to my mother.

I used to be very good at giving advice when I was younger, I remember I always had just the right thing to say to help people. At this point in time tho I feel so hopeless, I have no words of comfort for anyone, I can’t even express a thought or give a tiny but of advice without breaking down and feeling like I am on the verge of tears. When it comes to my mom I always have the feeling I am being an asshole about her problems and her worries. Whenever she comes to me with some paranoia or anxiety I can’t help at all, I just lifelessly stare at her and tells her not to worry and that it’s nothing. I can see in her eyes the disappointment. The more I go on, the more emotional burden I have to shoulder the less I am able to help people emotionally. For now I can still lend an hand and be collected and logical with my friends and people outside my family but the situation at home is slowly eating away at my will, I can’t even phantom having to be there for my future partners and family, I am afraid I will turn in the tired and drawn out shell I am around my mother around everyone, and that will drive people away and I will be lonely and have no one to reach out to. 

I can’t even freely share things with people because I don’t wish the sort of burden I am being put through to befall my loved ones. So I rot away. 

But I feel like shit, my mom has friends sure but when she comes to me I always have the feeling that she has no one in her corner, that she is so used to relying on me for emotional support that she can’t reach out to anyone at all. My father is a cold and pessimistic man who would only worsen her anxieties and worries, she is old, she is tired, she is worn, she can’t do it anymore. I’m twice as tired, twice as worn, and I am half her age. 

I want to find a way to be nice to my mom, to help her out, but I can’t, it’s like I gave up completely, because let’s be honest, I tried it all, I have been a remarkable kid, good, respectful, studious, insightful, reliable, emotionally stable, well mannered. I have done it all to lift worries off her shoulders, I held her while she cried, I tried to fill in for what my dad didn’t do, but now I just can’t anymore. I wish she would get a therapist, or talk to a friend. All the advice I give her she ignores, in favor of rotting in her misery around people who make her into an emotional sponge for their sadness, and then it all gets dumped on me. 

I feel like I am becoming an husk of what I was, I am barely ever happy at home, I am only mildly okay when I am out, and even then I worry for my mother, I can’t live like this anymore. Today I told her, that I feel like I am approaching a nervous breakdown and she thought it was a joke, I can’t live like this, I want out. But how could I? My mom did everything for me, all that she could do she did, and this is how I thank her? By being an unresponsive sulky idiot at 21 years of age? I blame myself, if I was stronger maybe I could have really helped my mother, instead I leave her alone like the people I criticize. Why couldn’t I be born stronger my god. I don’t know what children are meant to do to repay their parents, I think I am abandoning my mother in her old age, I feel like I am being mean and ungrateful. I didn’t want to turn out this way, I never wanted this, sometimes I wonder if there was a way for my family to be happy or if I was doomed from the start. 

[my-reality-my-rules]

How to make peace with failures i don't understand, every time when i don't shift ,i feel like dude that's fake people tell you fake stories and no one has ever shifted

[thanks for this ask!]

before i say anything else, i want you to know that what you're currently feeling is incredibly valid. i don't think i can stress how important this actually is. people make jokes about not being able to shift yet all the time, but it's really a sad thing—something that i admire your tenacity for, but a heavy burden nonetheless.

don't undersell the weight that it puts on you. when i started my shifting journey, there are times where shifting started to look less like something to enjoy, and more like a chore. that failure to shift (especially to fandom shifters) takes a toll because there's that underlying thought of When is it my turn? and Why can't I have that?.

it leaves a bitter taste, doesn't it?

I'm not saying this to mock anyone, but because i know how it feels. my eight months are nothing compared to, say, those who have been at it for nigh two or three years. but the wait, the anticipation, and the constant longing is the same.

i don't know what to say to make anyone feel better, because at the end of the day someone or no one at all could follow what i say. but, if there's one piece of advice i could give, it's to find victory where it counts.

things haven't been going well in my CR, lately. ya girl got rejected from two uni's :'DD and one of the teachers i contacted for a recommendation isn't replying at all. i didn't attend my batch's graduation ball and one of my dogs passed away. I'm in my room, crying and reading fanfiction, listening to bo burnham on loop as my parents go on about 'the future you would have, you useless child-'.

it's that feeling of being left behind in PE all over again: the last person to run, the weakest link, or the heavy weight on a team.

and in shifting, it's being made to watch as people find happiness in their lives, while you're rooted in one spot, seemingly indefinitely. it's being hungry but not having enough money for food, and seeing someone else eat what you wanted to buy. it's noticing how the popular kids at your school laugh freely and carelessly, while you're being shoved or ignored.

and on most nights, it's as if your best isn't good enough.

I'd like to think that every world always finds a balance. maybe it's a result of bad choices, and we're facing the consequences. maybe it's the calm before the storm. maybe it's the jump before the fall.

one thing stays the same: they all happen, eventually. and as things slot into place, you'll realise that they're meant to be there. maybe it's chance, but it would make sense one day, and you might even be able to laugh and smile about it.

- - -

(1) separate the failure from your identity.

they do shape you to be the person you become, but you are not defined by them. that you're not shifting to your DR right now does not mean that you aren't a shifter, or shifting at all. you keep on going, even if it hurts, because that's the price of happiness, and the gift of failure: you build your identity on your journey.

(2) overcome your fear of failure.

it is natural. rome burned in one day, odysseus waited for a decade to return home, and lincoln was defeated in the elections four times. this implies that even the best things or people in life were not always so great. it's cliché, and perhaps over-romanticised; but failure does not equate an end—it's a stepping stone. you'll face setbacks, you'll find humiliation, you'll get criticism. and it's called life. it's how things are, and the first step in overcoming failure is to accept that it occurs even to the best of us.

(3) humble yourself.

no, don't take this the wrong way. failure can be what humbles you, what makes you feel horrible about feeling good. at the same time, there's a difference between pride and self-respect. you don't make peace with failure by ignoring your own body's call for help, or by endlessly consuming guilty pleasures. some people have it easy, and some others have to work for it. it's how it is, unfortunate as it sounds, but that isn't a cause for being idle and letting yourself stagnate.

[caterkinnie]

"Could you please teach me how to be like you?" Vil, Rook x reader.

summary: You've always admired them from afar, how did they manage to talk to people so easily? How could they always be so confident on themselves?

genre: fluff (could be interpreted as romantic or platonic!)

was going to add Kalim as i mentioned but i didn't have any interesting ideas for him rather than "he was happy ^^", sorry.

anyways enjoy!

Well, he was surprised, most people usually found him intimidating, so hearing you asking for tips to be more confident definitely caught him off guard.

it's not like he doesn't want to help you, quite the opposite, he just didn't expect you to approach HIM, of all people.

He agrees, of course, he imagines approaching him to ask such favor already needed effort from your part, which meant you truly wanted to improve your social skills! Otherwise he definitely wouldn't have bothered in trying to help you.

He's STRICT and way too honest sometimes, his criticism is blunt but always constructive. Hard to accept but everything he says is the truth (Vil only gets nitpicky when he's in a bad mood)

Of course he still gives you a little "Good job", "Your efforts are starting to pay off" whenever you are able to talk to someone without stuttering. It's small but it really means a lot coming from him.

One of his exercises is getting you to wear clothes that make you feel good with yourself! He's very passionate when he's talking about fashion too, it's kinda endearing.

And DON'T even think of making any self-deprecating comments! He WILL scold you, that's COUNTERPRODUCTIVE and you will be punished! You will have to say good things about yourself until he's satisfied!

Even if he sounds mean he's genuinely trying to help you, you're working hard after all! And he wouldn't like to waste neither yours or his time.

But in general... He's just glad you're actually trying to fix your insecurities. He knows some people with similar struggles who would rather DIE than seek help. Sorry Idia

It just starts as him helping someone to be their best self! But soon after getting to know you, he genuinely starts to care about you.

It's not obvious to people who aren't close to him, but it's obvious he has a soft spot for you. It's something about the way he looks at you, the way his expression softens whenever you go to tell him about how you got to ask a question to professor Crewel without stuttering! Or how you could talk to your classmates without feeling anxious! It truly makes him feel proud.

BEAUTE! He actually has been keeping an eye on you since he first saw you! He finds your timid attitude absolutely beautiful (pun intended), but your determination to get rid of your shyness is even more beautiful!

Rook, just like Vil, is very happy that you asked for his advice and even if his approach is similar to vil's, he's… a lot nicer.

Maybe TOO MUCH.

We all know he can be overwhelming all the time sometimes, but he just finds everything about you so adorable!

And you're just so cute! He loves observing you, struggling when trying to buy your lunch.

Though, he's not as sadistic compared to other students so whenever you run out of social batteries, he's quick to take the lead of the situation and let you have a small break. And don't forget all the loud praises even if what you did was something small, to him, it's always a big improvement!

Like Vil, DON'T EVEN THINK OF MAKING ANY SELF-DEPRECATING COMMENTS. He has a counter-argument for any, literally any, comment it's insane. Does this guy ever run out of compliments?

(Please someone help he's been talking about you for WEEKS and is driving Vil insane.)

You might feel like someone is staring at you at random times of the day. He's just protecting you don't worry!

Overall, he's very good at this. He's an expert at redirecting conversations if anyone is making you uncomfortable, and every step is a big step! You can't feel like you aren't doing enough around this man because he will reassure you things like this need time. Very very loudly.

He's weird, yeah. But he's proud of you. Every single conversation with Rook feels like he's not telling you something, and if you ask he's amazing at dodging any questions. Really, what does he hide?

Feel free to drop tips or constructive criticism!

[originalgenshinscenarios]

I was curious if you'd be up for writing some headcanons for some of our ladies who don't get enough love. Sucrose, Xingling, Barbara, Fischl, and Amber

Reader is their secret admirer and finally gains the courage to ask them out. Please and thank you so so much

I think that most ladies don't get enough love to be honest. At least from the writing community.

Sucrose, Xiangling, Barbara, Fischl and Amber meeting their secret admirer

Reader here is gender neutral

Sucrose

She wouldn't ever think that she'd have a secret admirer, yet here you were. She even thought you meant to do everything for someone else.

Leaving cute letters, gifts and other things did make her flustered. Even though at first she thought it was a bit creepy...

She just didn't know how to respond to all of it really. She's certain now that you do mean to give it all to her but... What if it's just a joke?

But then who would go out of their way to learn about her so well to know all the right words to use, all the right gifts that would most probably creep out anyone else... Where did you get those great quality bones to begin with?

Perhaps your inability to talk directly to her is a good thing, since she isn't sure herself what she'd talk to you about.

Then she got a letter where you asked her to meet you.

It freaked her out to even imagine herself seeing you. Perhaps she already knew you personally and you were just hiding your interest in her so well? That's for her to find out

She mumbled to herself and in the end she wasn't sure if she wanted to meet you. She was scared that you might be disappointed when you get closer.

And her mumbling wasn't quiet enough for Timaeus to not hear any of it. So he ended up giving her some advice as well as hyping her up.

She got there on time, she was almost late but she got the time and place right.

She saw you from the distance and greeted you. Blushing as you engaged in a conversation. Although she knew what you wanted, hearing you ask her out was something else on it's own.

"I-I'd love to go out with you. But before we go, can you tell me where did you get these great quality alchemy materials from? And how did-" she caught herself rambling "Oh s-sorry... It's probably not appropriate to discuss something like this on a date right?"

Xiangling

"complements to the chef" is something she heard quite often. It was much better when costumers directly gave their praise as well as some criticism, but she can't be too picky about that now can she?

Well it started bothering her that now she was getting those sweet letters and she couldn't even guess who it was from.

It drove her crazy actually, she even asked her dad if she could access list of people who had ordered anything recently, hoping her admirer was a frequent costumer because that would make things so much easier.

Still she was super excited each time she got another letter from you. It made her even more determined to seek you out.

But none of her methods worked. She had to wait for you to take the first step. To speed things up she began leaving letters along with other snacks to you too.

You could tell that she wanted to meet you, so you had to overcome your shyness for her sake.

She was super excited for the meeting and was early too. In the meantime she prepared a picnic for you to enjoy.

And since it was a date she didn't bring Guoba with her, but she did promise to introduce you to him.

So when you finally arrived you were both met with wonderful smell of some great food and her smile.

"Hello! I'm so happy to finally see you. Have a seat, don't be shy" she was clearly excited and she couldn't wait to see how your relationship develops "I tried some new recipes this time, hope you like it"

Barbara

She has quite a lot of secret admirers, but unlike the others you never made her uncomfortable.

You never tried to "prove how much you knew her" so that definitely was a nice change.

You were honest and you always ended your letters in a way that made her laugh.

To be honest she felt like she was talking to you even though she never responded to you.

She was definitely in higher spirits ever since she started to realize that she was falling for you.

Of course she kept everything a secret from everyone and never read the letters in public.

She wanted to do something for you too, but she didn't know how to go about it.

She didn't need to think much about it though, since by that time you asked her to meet you.

You picked the time she was free... But she'd also not have much time to get there on time since it was right after her practice.

So she'd rush over there as soon as she was done. Being out of breath, but on time she finally saw you.

"Am I late? Oh, I'm so sorry! I tried my best to get here on time and..." she paused to catch her breath. In the meantime you explained that she wasn't late and even if she was it wouldn't upset you, she nodded "You're the one who was leaving those sweet letters? I was so excited to finally meet you and talk to you directly. Let's go on a walk, I'd love to get to know you better"

Fischl

Your mysterious appearance was quite interesting to say the least. One day Katherine passed to her a gift from you, but she'd also refuse to tell her anything about it.

Knowing that she won't get the truth out of her she decided to accept your kind gesture thinking it was a one time thing. Perhaps she helped you with a commission some time ago and it was your way of thanking her...

Needless to say she was wrong. She stated getting them frequently and with each package and list she became more and more flustered.

She was happy to get that, wait no any kind of attention. But she felt bad that she could not respond to you.

She really wanted to talk to you, she wanted to know who was behind her heart skipping a beat after just reading a letter.

So she started looking for you herself, with her investigation skills it would be rather sooner than later.

And once you noticed it you decided to come out and tell her directly instead of letting the clues lead to you.

Although that rush did mess up your words pretty badly she was twice as flustered as you were.

"So... One that had fought for heart that belongs to myself was you all along? While I do think that talking to me is flooding regular minds with uncertainty... I would expect my lover to overcome such barrier. Alas I'm still willing to give you a chance, as long as you'll be open with me and I only shall return the favor" she looked away blushing "I'll pledge my loyalty to you... But before that I-... I'd like to enjoy a moment of rest with you. Looking for you proved to be exhausting and I don't have the energy to partake in activities that may drain it further"

Amber

She thought of your gifts more as kind gestures and was oblivious at first when it came to your feelings.

Of course she did eventually connect the dots and she was really flattered.

Reading everything made her feel like she was playing scavenger hunt. Every time you left a tip on who you might be.

And even though she was curious, she wanted you to walk up to her so she didn't seek you out. She only tried to guess who you are.

She was usually in a good mood but she had even wider smile on her face after reading your letters.

So when you wanted to meet up she immediately thought of how to prepare herself before going.

And she was awfully early. She looked around and waited still thinking of who you might be.

When you approached her, you could see how happy she was to see you.

"Hello! Are you the person I was supposed to meet?" after you answered she followed up with "In that case, let's go on a date. I was honestly wondering when you'll ask me out already" she laughed.

~Mod Lisa

[natewriteslol]

Love Is In the Air: Part Two Final

thSummary: When an accident during a lab experiment in Mr. Crewel’s class goes haywire, Leona just can’t keep your hands off of you. You and the gang have to get him back to normal, or would it be too late? 

Y/N is gender neutral  

Part One here!

“So this means that Leona’s affection toward you isn’t random, his loving nature for you and others just bubbled to the surface due to the judgmental part of his brain that criticizes actions of love is completely gone at the moment.” 

After your meeting with Crewel, his statement continued to sit in your brain. You couldn’t believe it, but at the same time Crewel got no benefit of lying to you nor is he the type to swindle students. 

“Mr. Bucchi and Mr. Howl have complained to me as well about Leona’s behavior, it seems that he has been incredibly kind to them as well. With Mr. Howl saying Leona continues to dote on him ‘like he’s my big brother’,” Crewel explained. 

So that’s what Ruggie meant when he said Leona was acting weird… 

“And while this may be good that Mr. Kingscholar is opening up about his feelings, there are life threatening consequences if we do not get this out of his system. One that would affect his brain,” Crewel explained. 

“Wait, I thought that  we just cure him and then Leona’s okay?” You said, incredibly worried. 

“Well this potion has the potential to affect the hypothalamus, the part of the brain that controls sleep. And while I know Mr. Kingscholar does enjoy naps, I don’t think that he would enjoy sleeping forever.  

~~~

You were stressed out of your mind at the moment. You wanted to keep this whole mishap private between Leona and the other students that encountered the beastman’s odd behavior. As you walked to the Heartslabyul dorm to possibly find solutions with Ace and Deuce, you received a text. 

Jack:

We need to talk, I’ll be my dorm room with Ruggie

Y/N:

Okay, omw! 

You had to sneak into the dorm room, trying to not get the attention of other students who might recognize you. The feat being easy as all of the Savannaclaw residents were busy with their sports, working out or playing pool. 

Once you made it to Jack’s dorm you closed the door quietly, letting out a sigh even though you were in complete darkness.

Clink

A light in the room turned on, spooking you to find Jack and Ruggie on the bed staring at you. 

“You made it,” Jack started. 

“Surprised you managed to sneak past all those beastmen, Leona said that if one of the students brought him to ya then he’d give ‘em a reward,” Ruggie said, quirking up a brow. 

“So then why would you make me sneak all the way over here” you asked, feeling as though you were better off going to a different location if there was a bounty on you. 

“Well, Leona is not here since he was heading over to the Heartsabyul dorm to look for you. We had to get you out of there as soon as possible,” Jack explained. While you did plan on meeting them, you didn’t expect it to be so soon.

“So, what info did you get from Crewel. He won’t let us know anything, besides that Leona is under the effects of a potion” Ruggie said. 

So you told them everything Crewel said, making them swear they wouldn’t tell anyone. You didn’t want anyone else to worry about this situation or Leona’s possible fate. 

“S-so does this mean Leona sees me as a little brother?” Jack said, a blush reaching his face. 

“Hmm, no wonder Leona was talking to me about advice and stuff, he likes you,” Ruggie laughed. 

“Wait, what did he ask you about?” you asked. 

“Well, he didn’t really ask me directly but it was more of him talking to himself and I decided to chide in” Ruggie giggled. “It was when we finished studying in the library…”

“How could they be so oblivious?” Leona said, pinching his nose bridge and sighing. 

“Whatcha mean, boss?” Ruggie piped up, interested. 

“Stay out of this, Ruggie” the lion beastmen replied, twiddling a pen in his hand. 

“Awww~ well I think that I can be of help. That is my job after all” the hyena beastmen quipped, shrugging. Ruggie tried his best not to seem as though he was nosy, but he did have a big suspicion. His boss seemed to be quite adamant on knowing where Jack was going when he went to hangout with the other first years. Occasionally aking about a certain someone, Y/N L/N. 

“Fine… I’m only doing this so you can get off of my back. If you’re interested in someone and you look at them, wouldn’t you think that they would get the hint that they’re interested in you,” Leona sighed. 

“Hahahaha! Hell no! Not by the way you stare at people, y-you look like you're about to kill somebody!” Ruggie cackled. 

“Stop laughing at me you damn hyena!” Leona growled, ready to strangle the blonde. 

“I-I’m so sorry but that was fucking hilarious, Leona. You can’t just look at someone and expect for them to fall in love with you!” the boy replied, wiping his tears from his laughter. 

“We were kicked out of the library for making too much noise, but yeah I had a suspicion Leona had a little crush on you” Ruggie finished, booping your nose gently. But then his face formed a smirk, “I can’t be too handsy with you anymore since I can’t touch what’s Leona’s~”

“I-I don’t belong to Leona-!”

“Now that you’re done with your storytime, can we get to how we’re supposed to fix Leona” Jack said cutting you off, but if you paid slightly more attention you could see the pink on his cheeks. 

“We unfortunately can’t fix him until this Friday since the MMC takes a week to send out the Rosemary,” you replied “until then we’re just going to have to monitor Leona and make sure that nothing’s out of the ordinary.” 

Jack nodded “I think we should try to lay low from Leona and try not to make him suspicious-” 

“Jack, do you know where Ruggie is- oh Y/N!” And there he was, Leona standing in the doorway.

Shit. So much for being incognito. 

“Oh my god look at the time, I’ve gotta feed Grim! I’ve completely forgot about him, please excuse me” You said, running out of Jack’s dorm room, yet your hand was softly gripped. 

“You silly thing, I already went to Ramshackle and fed Grim” Leona said with a smile. He was so beautiful and relaxed like this, all his anger and snarkiness was gone. And you were so taken aback that you let yourself be taken into his arms. 

“He misses you, Grim hasn’t seen you all day. And I feel the same way,” the lovestruck man said, cupping your cheek placing a kiss on your nose

“Don’t run away from me, hmm?” Leona purred. 

“O-okay” you replied shakily. You then realized what position you were in, on his lap in front of your two friends. 

Jack was shocked, and Ruggie thought it was hilarious. He didn’t know Leona’s inner feelings were this needy.

“Love slows you down.”

“I could never do any of that romantic crap.”

“It’s disgusting.”

All of that, just for it to be bullshit! Ruggie knew Leona was a scammer, but this is a whole new level of a liar.

They obeyed your directions of your mouthed words of, “Just go.” and left you alone with the lion half conscious on your shoulder. 

Walking out slowly, Jack gave you sympathetic eyes, giving you motivation to push through this. While Ruggie smiled giving you a thumbs up, but not before taking pictures of you both, letting out small giggles about your expense.

“Where are they going?” Leona said, his deep voice reverbing on your shoulder. 

“They’re going to go check on everyone outside, Leona” you answered, growing flustered from him being so close

Leona hummed back in response, holding you in a cuddle on the beanbag chair. You had to get out of his grip, because if Leona ends up falling asleep you’ll never be able to get out. 

Think, Y/N. Think of a plan. . . 

You waited until Leona was on the brink of consciousness, and get out of his arms as smoothly as possible, then replace it with the pillow to your right. 

You held Leona’s large hands on your arms, lifting them off of you as well as your body. You quickly placed the dense pillow into the lion beastmen’s arms. And from there you made your escape from the Savannaclaw dorm to your home, Ramshackle. 

Once you got home, you were met with a screaming Grim who was completely upset that you left him alone all day. However, the cat creature calmed just a little once you told him the situation you were in. 

“So Leona is in love with you?” Grim asked. 

“Yes-well no” you sighed, exhausted from your day “I don’t know, Grim. I don’t want to make assumptions. This could just be only the potion talking for him, who knows?” 

“Well, Crewel did say that it wasn’t randomized affection. So… maybe after all this is over you can finally have a boyfriend!” Grim said happily, especially since he had been thinking about this for a long time. 

Unknown to your knowledge, your friends had been theorizing as to whom might have a crush on you. And one of the candidates that Grim had been most excited about was Leona. Sure he didn’t like the guy, but he sure did love the money in his pockets. If you both got together he would be spoiled rotten! He couldn’t let Leona slip out of his fingers, and maybe he did want you to be happy with some pretty boy prince. 

“Grim this is very serious, I can’t be thinking about whether I could go and start dating Leona. And also, I go on dates!” you retorted, offended that of all people Grim commented on your relationship status. 

“With who, henchman? And name them,” Grim said, crossing his paws. 

. . . 

“I don’t hear any name’s, Y/N-”

“Shut up and don’t call me your henchman!”

~~~

It was already Friday and you only had to wait until Saturday until the rosemary would come in. You’ve been holding out for so long, evading Leona with excuses of studying or having to talk to teachers. Or Ruggie and Jack hauling him away with activities. 

However that could only go for so long, which put you in this position. Cuddling with Leona, in the public common room of Heartslabyul as you typed up your History of Magical Law report with Grim. You sat in his lap with his arms around your waist, with his head draped on your shoulder, every once in a while glancing at your computer screen to see how you were doing. 

You got ready to submit the document to Professor Crewel, you worked so hard on this essay and you finally finished!

“Ah, I’m done!” You exclaimed as you high fived Grim. Your success made a relaxed smile grow on Leona’s face.  

“Nice job, love” Leona purred in your ear, planting a kiss on your cheek. Even though he had been very close in contact for the past week, it felt like every action of affection made you bubbly inside. 

And while it wouldn’t last forever, you were glad you could have these moments with the lion beastman. 

~~~

Today was the day that Rosemary had been shipped to Crewel’s office. But Leona wasn’t answering his texts from you at all. So you decided to call his phone, slightly worried about him, only for Ruggie to pick up. 

“Y/N, Leona isn’t waking up at all. Please get over here now!” 

You ran over to Savannaclaw to find Ruggie, Jack and other Savannaclaw residents standing around his bed. Leona was completely unresponsive to your presence. You ordered them to carry Leona to the hospital room, calling up Crewel and telling him Leona was unresponsive. 

You shouldn’t have been so careless, especially since things were so dire. But you couldn’t help it, as Crewel assured you that the chances for him going into a comatose state were little to none. 

Yet here you are. Possibly too late to save Leona. 

Once you got to the infirmary, you saw Crewel standing beside the hospital bed reserved for Leona. Everyone placed him in the bed gently, you opened his mouth pouring the light blue liquid and made sure it went down safely. Everyone was on edge, waiting for the beastman to open his eyes and wake up. 

5 minutes had gone by quickly, Leona’s eyes still resting. It was so good for the past couple of days to see his brows not curled into an unforgiving scowl, looking down on those who dare come close. To show true inner love for those he holds dear. Does Leona opening his heart come with this big of a price tag? 

The air was thick and you felt yourself choking up. Your heart heavy and breath short. Tears welling at your eyes as you stared at Leona’s state. 

You laid above him holding his face, only to lay across the beastmen’s chest. You had failed him… 

“I’m so sorry, Leona. God, I’m so sorry f-for screwing up” you couldn’t dare speak, your voice had betrayed you enough. It was pathetic, the state you were in. Calling out to someone in comatose, someone who couldn’t respond back. You just laid there wallowing in defeat.

Only for a hand to stroke your back. 

You jumped not expecting the contact, looking up you saw the green eyes in their normal, un-dilated state. A sight you have yearned for, for so long. 

“Leona o-oh my god you’re okay!” you exclaimed, clinging to his upper half. 

“A-ah be easy on me, herbivore. I don’t need more headache than I already do. God you’re just as jumpy as Cheka,” Leona quipped. And there it was, the borderline bullying backtalk you had missed from old Leona. 

“I’m sorry, I just” you let out a sigh, all your stress slightly unwinding, “I missed you… alot. And when you went and closed your eyes like that I thought we were too late.” 

Leona sighed, he wanted to be clever and throw out a good comeback but for once he realized something. 

Maybe it’s just good enough to comfort someone. 

To not bite back at the hand that you know wouldn’t punish you. 

“Thank you for taking care of me,” Leona said, his voice wavering a little.

You wiped away your tears and sighed, “No problem...but I guess you’re fine and you don’t really remember anything-”

“Stupid, you don’t think I don’t remember anything? It’s my body you know” Leona said, cutting you off. 

“Y/N I did say that the potion was based on real feelings that harbor within the host did I not?” Mr. Crewel reminded you. 

“And me giving Leona a little crash course in flirting~” Ruggie teased, wiggling his fingers, only to be stopped by Jack. 

“Is this true Leona? Your feelings for me?” you asked, unexpectedly backing Leona into a corner. 

He couldn’t even deny it. With scientific evidence, personal accounts from Ruggie, Leona couldn’t just give a sassy comment and squeeze his way out of your questions. 

“Yes” he whispered, barely audible to anyone. 

“What did you say? I couldn’t hear you” you said, genuinely confused. 

“Y-yes. I do like you, and I’ve liked you for a long period of time,” Leona said, trying to keep his voice from wavering off. 

“Yay, you did it! Now was that so hard, I’ve been on suspense because of you for weeks-” Ruggie said, pushing Leona’s buttons more and more.

“If you speak anymore I will fire you, you damn hyena!” 

“Wahh, don’t say that! You love Jack and I like brothers~” Ruggie said, sing songy. 

“GET ME OUT OF THIS BED-” 

~~~

It was movie night in the Heartslabyul dorm. Commemorating the end of a huge exam, you were ready to celebrate with all your friends. 

Everyone was there, even Mr. No Show himself, Leona. 

“You better not fall asleep during this movie” you said, poking the lazy man’s cheek as he laid his head across your thighs.  

“Well maybe you should hold me instead, that’ll keep me awake” Leona replied, poking your face back. 

You know, one of the things you’ve always adored about Leona’s smile is how his fangs would poke through. And just for him showing off his pearly whites, you knelt and gave him a kiss on the lips. 

While it was good that the potion had started your relationship with Leona and made his feelings open up, you sure wouldn’t change him for the world.

taglist for those who commented on part one!💕:

@starshiningsirius, @bluecrystals01, @wannacookie, @poptartsthings​

[ariesjupiter]

Mitski Birth Chart Reading

This is just my interpretation based on Mitski’s birth chart and what I know of her music. Let me know if you have any suggestions of someone I should make a post on next! If you’re interested, I offer natal chart readings, just check my pinned post!

Libra sun: In terms of basic personality and ego, Mitski is focused on creating balanced, harmonic relationships. Intimate, one-on-one relationships are a major part of her identity. Libra is ruled by venus which represents love and beauty. After all, she is known for her lyrics relating to her romantic relationships. The lyric “I love everybody because I love you” is so profoundly Libra to me. She is friendly and charming. She sees herself reflected and other people and people see themselves reflected in her (for better or worse). Venus also rules the arts and Mitski is a natural artist in every sense of the word. Her music sonically is very unique, inventive, and creative as she experiments with mixing different genres. This is influenced by her sun in the 11th house. Sun in the 11th house also indicates an emphasis on friendships and memberships of certain groups and communities. It also indicates an importance of her hopes and dreams. Her sun in 3° explains why she is such a talented writer, communicator, and lyricist. Peak libra sun culture: “Young adult romance is the shit” (a real quote from the queen herself). And let’s not forget her iconic quote from 2016: “I’m a libra so my sexuality is essentially “you can really be any gender as long as you treat me like a princes.” Truer words have never been spoken.

Capricorn moon: Despite how personal her music is, Mitski is a rather private and reserved person, particularly when it comes to expressing her emotions. Also, Capricorn is associated with the father and she has been known to be especially private regarding her dad’s career. She is serious and intense with emotions but can sometimes get detached. The emphasis is on having control over her feelings. She is ambitious and a practical person. Her emotions are connected to her career. Those who do not know her well may see her as cold. In temperament she tends to be melancholic. Emotionally mature and wise beyond her years. Straightforward and honest with her expression. She is dependable, loyal, hard working, & realistic. Emotional fulfillment is often tied to achievement and success. Her moon in the 2nd house and 2° suggests material comforts make her feel safe. With the 2nd house being associated with venus, she is able to express her emotions in an artistic way. Could be protective over material objects. Sentimental. Music has a big impact on her emotions and mood. Peak capricorn moon culture: “I didn’t really feel anything. I’ve stopped feeling things for a long time” - Mitski, The Fader Interview, 2017. In all seriousness, I hope my capricorn moons are doing good.

Virgo mercury: Mitski is practical and detail oriented when it comes to communication and matters of learning. She takes the time to choose the right words to convey her thoughts. She is clear and concise. Mercury is in its sign of rulership here. Her mercury in the 10th house suggests that she will be known for her communication style. Has a lot of thoughts but is also organized. Analytical. Mitski likes making lists. Loves to give advice. Mercury is in 16° (cancer degree) and she has a soft spoken voice. Talks about the past and her roots (cancerian themes).

Virgo venus: In love, Mitski will assume a caretaking role and will gladly help her partner finish mundane tasks and chores. A devoted and faithful lover. Love is about the mundane and routine details of life. Love is about service. Acts of service tend to be virgo venus’ main love language. She wants to help improve her partner’s life. She is patient and observant. Values love that is simple and authentic. Appreciates a partner with whom she can have intellectual conversations. May have a tendency to be too critical on herself when it comes to love. Venus rules aesthetics & style and she tends to have a modest fashion sense. Mitski has voiced her interest in astrology and how she has asked people she’s interested for their birth times lmao. Her venus is in the 11th house, she treats a lover like she would treat a friend. In fact, romantic love probably equates to platonic love in her book. She has her venus in 24° which is a pisces degree, which explains this natural interest in astrology.

Gemini mars: Could be impatient because she moves quickly. Efficient. Has a lot of goals and likes to keep busy. She thrives when she talks to others and exchanged ideas. Likes to multitask. Very versatile. Probably has a flirty, bubbly energy when she’s attracted to someone. Attracted to intellect. Desire to see things from multiple perspectives. Gemini rules the hands so she’s skilled with playing instruments and writing. Likes to try new things. Witty and humorous. Could have nervous energy or fidget often.

Leo jupiter: The planet of luck and expansion in Leo is a big indicator of fame. Her jupiter is also in the 9th house and in 7°. Jupiter in the 9th indicates being born in a different country from where you reside now. Mitski is biracial and has lived in multiple countries growing up. She loves to learn, particularly about other cultures and ways of life. She is open minded, philosophical and values freedom and being independent. She attracts good fortune when she travels (touring!) and also when she focuses on partnerships/intimate relationships (7°). Combining this energy, Mitski attracts luck when she acts dramatically, demonstrates/teaches her knowledge, expresses herself artistically, shows her warm hearted and sometimes stubborn side, & takes chances, shows her bravery, and takes the lead. Be the Cowboy is big leo energy 🤠

Capricorn saturn: Mitski is responsible, practical, goal-oriented, and cautious. With saturn in the 3rd house, she probably had to grow up quickly and become mature at a young age. Capricorn saturn people tend to be very successful people. Strong willed. Tendency to be quiet and is a good listener. Could also be outspoken. With saturn in 18° (virgo degree), she’s very hard working but she may need to learn how to take a break and let herself rest and recharge.

Capricorn uranus: This placement also indicates that she goes after her goals and is efficient and practical in achieving them. Uranus being in the 2nd house shows that she could make money from being unique and groundbreaking. 2nd house also rules the voice! Her values are unique and she could be resistant to change them. Her self esteem could be in a constant state of flux and be tied to money. Her income could rapidly change, like maybe she did not get paid much but then suddenly she starts making a lot of money. Uranus is in 5° which is a fame degree. She’s famous for being authentically herself and very much an individual in the industry that can’t be compared.

Capricorn neptune: Capricorn neptunes are most likely realists. She is skilled at going after her dreams. Her dreams are practical and connected to themes of wealth, power, and control. Neptune in 3rd house shows a dreamy, poetic way of communicating. A very creative placement. Dreamy vibes. Could be elusive in communication, open for interpretation. Neptune is in 11° so this gives aquarian energy. Idealistic with friends and always searching for ways to achieve her dreams.

Scorpio pluto: Her power lies in her ability to analayze human interactions and be introspective with herself since it’s in the 1st house. She is very self aware. Mitski understands that life is about going through changes and she welcomes the ability to grow and rebuild. She has intense, deep emotions but has control over them and how she expresses them. Pluto in 16° adds a cancerian energy. Her strength lies in her ability to nurture and be empathetic.

Scorpio rising: First impressions of Mitski can be that she’s mysterious and secretive. A powerful and intimidating presence. This explains to me why she loves dressing in black. She probably has a strong dislike for anything superficial. She likes to get to know people on a deeper level and connect with them. She likes honesty and is probably very perceptive and intuitive. Privacy is so important to her! She has a lot of layers and wants people to unpack them, but it may take her a while to open up. She is powerful and has endurance. Her presence leaves an impact on people. Loyalty and intimacy is important. She’s not afraid to talk about taboo topics or scary, heavier emotions. Passionate and even a tendency to get fixed on or obsessed with something or someone. Her rising is in 15° (gemini degree) so she’s clever, curious, and thinks quickly. a little more flexible than a regular Scorpio rising would be.

Leo midheaven: People might see her as dramatic or arrogant. In the public eye, she was meant to be a performer. At her concerts she’s known for putting on a good show & includes interpretive dance and choreography. She becomes herself more when she’s on stage. The stage is where she shines. Has a lot of pride connected to her career. Reputation for creatively expressing herself and being brave and taking risks. Wants to be admired, especially regarding her career. Her purpose is to become a leader. Mc in 22° (capricorn degree) shows that she is a very hard worker when it comes to her career. She won’t let anyone stop her when it comes to achievement and success in her field. Another indicator of being at the top of her career and being publicly recognized for it!

TLDR: Mitski is a natural born singer, performer and artist. She is unique, talented, and an introspective writer. Being earth and water dominant, she balances practicality & stability with sentimentality & raw emotion. With all of her Capricorn placements, she is grounded and doesn’t let fame get to her head. Her chart ruler is Scorpio pluto in the 1st which means that major transformations will be a big theme in her life, especially regarding herself & her identity. She is always reflecting and looking at herself on a deep level.

[ddarker-dreams]

Epiphany. Yan Albedo x Reader

Warnings: General yandere themes, implied unhappy previous relationship, and spoilers for Albedo’s story. Word count: 2k.

It wasn’t fair. 

A snowstorm, unlike anything you’ve ever seen rages outside, shards of lustrous ice falling from the sky with the intent to kill. The Dragonspine’s traditionally somber ambiance contorts into something far more sinister. Numerous hues of grays and dark blues blur together, obscuring your view of the mountainous region. It’s difficult to see anything outside Albedo’s workshop save for the storm. 

“Your shaking won’t stop unless you sit by the fire.” 

His matter-of-fact declaration startles you. Albedo hadn’t spoken in some time, his attention devoted to a specimen he had discovered prior to the storm. You would’ve shared in his enthusiasm if not for the overall situation and company. Sighing reluctantly, you stand from your spot, hugging yourself to stave off the biting cold. It’s impossible to settle on which is worse: staring at the blizzard or staring at him. 

Albedo’s fair skin glows from the light of the crackling fire, sandy blonde hair tousled around his face without care. As he studies the new specimen, his lips purse, eyes focusing on nothing but the work before him, like nothing else mattered. This is how you’ve always known him to be. Even if the world was falling apart around him, Albedo would never falter from what catches his interest until he felt sated. 

Sensing how you’re fixating on him, his attention flickers briefly to you, an unidentifiable emotion gleaming in his eyes. You’re the one to avert your gaze first. Sucrose is going to owe you majorly for this one, why did you even accept her request in the first place? Thinking about it now and cursing your past self does nothing yet you still occupy the time by doing just that. She had come to you panicked, pleading that you take this letter to Albedo in the Dragonspine, claiming it’s urgent. In the heat of the moment, your judgment lapsed and you caved. She spoke of needing to continue her research in Mondstadt or else she would’ve done it herself.

Look where your goodwill has gotten you now, you think. She owes me a week’s worth of dinner. 

You lament giving credence to his advice, but your stubbornness concedes, the cold too miserable to withstand any longer. The fire is right by his side to add insult to injury. Did he do that on purpose to spite you? It’s unlikely, yet your mind wanders to the worst-case scenario. If any other citizen of Mondstadt were privy to your suspicious thoughts, they’d think you unreasonable, as Albedo has established his reputation well. He’s a known eccentric, sure, but a genius one. A few quirks on his behalf that anyone else could overlook. 

Quirks that you used to overlook yourself.

“Would you please grab my bag,” he doesn’t look away from his prized sample but motions to the general area it’s in. “I need to write down my observations.” 

You follow through with what he asks. There was a time you’d have been over the moon to participate in his process, you used to practically trip over yourself to do anything he needed. That enthusiasm has long died off and been replaced by apathy. It’s when he reaches out to take the bag from you that you snap from your trance-like reverie. Whatever remnants of obedience that lingered in your subconscious are brushed away, as you decide to finally challenge him.

Inhaling sharply, you hold the bag just out of his reach, finally earning his recognition for more than a millisecond. 

“I’m not your assistant anymore.” Among other things, you think. 

The words come out more childish than you intended. What you had meant to communicate was your new, critical view on him — he’s a person just the same as anyone else — who held no authority over you. You hold your breath awaiting his response. Albedo doesn’t have an intimidating presence, not in the traditional sense. It’s his mind that you’re wary of. There’s no guessing what sentiments run through his head, yet that’s never stopped you from trying to unravel the mystery that is his thought process.

He gives you a long, hard stare. “I’m aware of that.” 

Where were you going with this again? Albedo doesn’t need to point out your needlessly spiteful behavior with words, his mildly irate facial expression says it just fine. His thin eyebrows threaten to furrow together and the corners of his lips curl down into a frown. You’re unsure of what bothers him more. What you pointed out, or that his work is being interrupted for even the slightest moment. 

The budding confidence you had is all but crushed beneath the weight of his unblinking gaze. Clearing your throat, you decide to take a new approach, straightening your posture in an attempt to be taken more seriously.

“Then tell me, why do you still act like I am?” Your question comes from a genuine place of confusion. Ever since your arrival, you’ve begrudgingly done the odds and ends he’s asked of you, almost like clockwork. You had fallen back into the rhythm that was your life up until a month ago. There was just something about the silent authority he carries that makes it impossible to say no. 

That is, until now. You’re determined to clear up the problems that have plagued your mind. Albedo’s had his time to be nonchalant like nothing happened between you two, but you’re not having it anymore. 

“Force of habit,” he nods his head towards your hand that holds his possessions captive. “Now, would you please…?” 

Your grip tightens and you shake your head defiantly. “No. Or at least, not until you give me a better explanation. Not just about that. How you act in general… none of it makes sense to me.” 

It wouldn’t take much effort from his half to wrangle his bag from you, you’ve seen him in action before after all, so it comes as a surprise when he instead gives in. You blink, gaping when he takes a seat by the roaring fire, and motions for you to do the same. An opportunity like this is hard to come by. The past few weeks, it’s been your code of conduct to avoid any interaction with Albedo, but your frustration can no longer be repressed. 

You take a seat by his side but intentionally leave some distance. 

There’s so much you want to say. Insults, questions, demands, anything. Anything that could give just a hint of closure that he refused to offer himself. It doesn’t help that this familiar area brings memories with it — good and bad alike — painful nostalgia eating away at your heart from the inside out. While you battle with your inner thoughts, he observes you in silence. For a time you hear nothing but the crackling of the fire and wind howling outside.

Finding the courage to speak up, your throat tightens as you force a question out. “Did I… mean so little to you?” 

It’s rare that Albedo ever looks taken aback, but your inquiry managed to do just that. His eyes widen ever so slightly, confusion etching onto his face before he manages to compose himself. Lots of intimate discussions had gone this way. You’d spend hours prepping yourself, meticulously going over what it was you wanted to say, only for the words to die on your tongue when you saw him. 

“I don’t understand what you mean.” He appears genuinely perplexed and you can’t help but feel silly. It may have served you better to think long about this, you realize, but now it’s too late. You rush to explain yourself in hopes of making better sense. 

“When I said I wanted to, er, part ways,” you can’t help but cringe at not knowing the proper label for ending whatever was going on between you two, “You just seemed, I don’t know, indifferent…?” 

In your head, this went down in such a different way. 

Your cheeks are set ablaze by the humiliation his silence brings. It’s not the first time you’ve felt this exact way when bringing up your feelings to Albedo, yet it’s just as awful. Archons, does he always have to look at you like you have three heads? 

When he finally gives you an answer, you wish you had never asked. 

“I knew you would come back to me eventually.” 

Now it’s your turn to give him an incredulous look. He says it without an ounce of hesitation, never once breaking eye contact, his resolve holding firm. Sensing a need to clarify, he attempts to do just that. 

“I considered a variety of variables,” he raises his hand and brushes his knuckles over your face, the unexpected tenderness making you shiver. “I know how your mind works very well. When you told me that’s what you wanted, your physical mannerisms didn’t line up with what you were saying.”

Your heart drops but he doesn’t stop there. 

“Biological responses never lie. It wasn’t anxiety that kept you from looking me in the eye then, it was reasonable doubt. You know it as well as I do. There’s something about me that you can’t place, and the natural human response to the unknown is caution.”

He stops caressing your cheek. “So, tell me [First], and maybe then you’ll reach the conclusion you’ve been searching for. Why are you afraid of me?”

Everything feels wrong. How he’s whispering such horrifying ideas into your mind, leading the conversation with expertise. Is it charisma? You don’t think that’s the proper word. No, it’s how damn certain he is, how he never once leaves room for argument. 

Albedo appraises your silence coldly. 

“See? You’re not sure yourself. Thus why I knew you’d return to me,” he retracts his hand and leans back, but the ghost of his touch leaves your face tingling. “When you don’t understand something, you study it. That’s who you are. It’s why I picked you to be my assistant, that quality of exhausting curiosity, much like the one I have myself.”

He’s hypnotizing you with his words, his even tone, his silent authority. You’re drawn in like a moth to a flame and trapped in a verbal standoff. Whether it was a result of your Vision flickering subconsciously resulting in the fire diminishing or some other cause, you realize what little warmth in the cave is disappearing, your breath materializing in front of you as a result. 

But it’s only yours. 

That’s when it clicks deep inside the recesses of your mind. Apart of what always bothered you about Albedo was this sense of uncanniness. Whenever you thought you were understanding him better, new mysteries would arise, leaving you worse off than when you started. This combined with his workload and the emotional distance you felt between the two of you is what led to your separation. 

Albedo’s face is but a few inches away from yours. He’s patiently awaiting a response or anything you could muster to challenge him with, though both of you are aware that no such thing exists. 

You manage to surprise him again by asking another question. “Why… why are you not breathing?”

And how could you never have noticed until now?

His long eyelashes flutter shut. “Relationships truly are troublesome. There are unspoken rules and expectations, both of which take effort to satisfy. I hadn’t mind trying to do so to keep you happy, but that approach didn’t work as intended.” 

Had it not been for the hammering of your heart and how lighthearted you feel, you’d challenge him on his definition of trying. Instead, you watch without so much as moving an inch, too in awe to utter a single word. 

“You always asked me to be more romantic, but I guess the phrase you take my breath away won’t suffice here,” he sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “I’ll tell you, but once you know… well, I don’t think I can ever let you leave my side.”

“I hope you won’t mind keeping me company a bit longer than you intended to.” 

[inomios]

Eight types of love II Levi Ackerman

Summary: “There are eight types of love, and even though his life has been full of pain since the very beginning, he could say he experienced them all.”

Genre: Angst and Fluff

Word count: + 5k

Author note: This is the first thing I’ve ever published and I’m really nervous, so I would really appreciate if you reblogged, liked and commented. Also, English is not my first language, so I’m sorry for any mistakes. Constructive criticism is really appreciated.

                                                           . . . . 

1. AGAPE or Selfless love

           His mother would tell him everyday that she loved him with everything she had, even though it was not a lot. He asked his mother what love was, what meant loving someone. She couldn’t explain it with exact words, she would tell him that love meant caring deeply for someone, even more than for yourself. She loved him and he loved her, that much was true. He asked if he could love more than one person, his mom told him that yes, you could love many people in your life and in different ways. Then, he proceeded to ask if she had ever loved anyone else besides him, she was quiet, like she was thinking the right answer and after a few minutes she said that she had or at least she thought she did, but she had never loved someone as much as she loved him. Love was a confusing thing for him and the more he asked, the more unclear it got.

          The only thing he was sure of was that the only thing she loved was her mother. However, curious as he was, he would ask her questions about it all the time.

         ‘Is love the best thing in the world?’ 

        ‘Yes, Levi, it is the only thing that makes life worth it.’

        ‘Is love always good?’ 

       ‘Not always, sometimes it makes you sad.’

       ‘I don’t wanna be sad. I won’t love anyone else but you.’ 

      ‘You can’t choose who you love, sweetie.’

      ‘Love sucks.’ 

     ‘You will get it when you grow up.’

     ‘I’m already a grown-up.’

     He tried to get it, but he couldn’t. He prided himself of being smart, his mom would always tell him that he was really clever and witty for his age. Then, how come he wasn’t able to understand love. It was just a four-letter word: L-O-V-E, it couldn’t have such a deep meaning. ‘Door’ had also four letters and it wasn’t hard to understand and ‘Scandalous’, pretty much the biggest word for him, had ten letters and he knew what it meant, he could even use it in a phrase.

      His mom, noticing that he was about to collapse trying to figure out what has love, tried to come up with the best possible definition, one that would please his five-year old son.

    ‘Love is a selfless thing. Love means giving everything you have, to make the other person happy and content, even though you may not get back all you give. When you love someone, you only what the best for them. It can cause you pain too but loving someone and being loved back is one of the best things we can experience as humans. We may not have a lot, Levi, but we have each other and more important, we love one another and that makes us privileged.’

     He understood it then, kind of, so the questions stopped.

     However, when his mother’s body laid lifeless in bed, he regretted not making one last question: ‘if you died, do you think anyone would ever love me, mom?’

     Later, when he was under Kenny’s wing and after Kenny had left him at his own, he soon found an answer: no one would.

2. PHILIA or Affectionate love

           After his mother’s death, after Kenny, after everything, he thought that love was out of his reach, something he could never have again. Then Isabel and Farlan happened.

           Every single day since his mother died, he would ask himself if he would love again and if someone would love him back. However, at the same time, he wanted to know nothing about love, love brought pain and he had already suffered enough for a lifetime. He sometimes thought that he had an emptiness inside, a big hole where his heart should be, a room so big that no one could ever fill.

           After his mom came Kenny, but he was sure he did not love him, at least not like he had loved his mother, and he was sure as hell Kenny did not love him back. Love was supposed to be selfless and caring and Kenny was selfish and did not give a damn about him, he proved him that when he left him alone, again.

           Loneliness was a feeling he was already used to but being used to it didn’t mean he liked it. Then again, who would be dumb enough to love him? And he knew better than to love someone who would end up leaving him, like his mother did, like Kenny did.

           Well, maybe he did love Kenny, but loving him was painful. While loving his mother was sweet, freeing and it brought him solace and comfort; loving Kenny was toxic and tough, when he thought about it, it troubled him. He gave him a home and he taught him how to survive in the Underground, he didn’t know why, but he raised him, and Kenny never did something freely, he was sure something was missing there, but he didn’t know what. It was stupid of him to think that he cared about him, but a little white lie never hurt anyone. Loving Kenny, seeing him as the paternal figure he never had, filled him with turmoil and changed the way he perceived love.

           Love was weakness, it could bring you to your knees, he had learned that. It was pointless, why would you commit to something that would inevitably bring you sorrow? He wasn’t about to make the same mistake again, he knew better, the only person who would stay with him was himself and that wasn’t about to change.

           Then Isabel and Farlan walked into his life. Well, Farlan walked, Isabel stumbled.

           They became family. He knew better but he couldn’t help it. They were thick as thieves, literally. Suddenly, they became the family he yearned for since his mother died. He loved them with everything he had. Loving them was selfless as his mother said, he wanted the best for them, he wanted to see them happy, no matter the price. However, it was a different kind of love, it was pure affection. It wasn’t the adoration he had for his mother, nor the rage he felt for Kenny. It was tender and sweet, he never had a brother or a close friend to care about while growing up, but he thought it was supposed to feel like that, it had to be like that. It had to be another type of love. His mother told him that love was never the same, it had different shapes and, for him, at that moment love had Isabel and Farlan’s shape.

           Sadly, nothing good lasts forever, at least not for him. Love causes pain and brings you to your knees, he shouldn’t have forgotten that. When he saw Isabel’s head laying on the floor surrounded by a puddle of her own blood, mouth agape, eyes wide open and pale face, he fell to his knees. He saw a supercut of him, Isabel and Farlan, all the good times, all the laughs they shared and all the stories they still had to write but they would never be able to do because they weren’t there, not anymore, they were gone like his mother, like Kenny. He was alone again.

           Love always brought him to his knees and he would never forget it again. He wasn’t made for love; the same way love wasn’t made for him.

3. LUDUS or Playful love

           Meeting you happened out of pure coincidence, being in the right place at the wrong time.

           He had come from a long mission and he was completely and utterly fine, seriously, but Hange loved to make a big deal out of everything. Well, maybe he had an injury, but a minor one, nothing that he couldn’t take care of himself. He spent years in the Underground, he didn’t need a doctor, he could stitch himself up and place his bones back in place. However, Hange didn’t think the same and was nagging him about getting his injuries checked, so there he was, in one of the infirmary’s bed, waiting for the head doctor.

           It wasn’t that he was scared of doctors or “hospitals”, he just didn’t like the idea of some stranger touching him or feeling hopeless and powerless, he didn’t like feeling like he needed help or advice, he could do it pretty much on his own. But Hange didn’t really trust his medical abilities and he knew that arguing with her was pointless.

           ‘Doctor Brunner couldn’t come since he is busy with some paperwork, so he sent me. I’m his trainee y/n y/ln.’ 

           ‘I’m not letting some failed attempt of medic treat my wounds.’

           It wasn’t what people would call a ‘meet cute’ moment, it was more like a ‘meet jerk’. He wasn’t the best dealing with people, nor that he wanted to be, he preferred it that way. If you had been any other person, you wouldn’t have bitten back, but you had a sharp tongue and weren’t scared of him. That was probably what drew him in, he was so used to people recoiling in fear when they saw him that having someone that actually fought back was quite alluring.

           ‘Well, this failed attempt of a doctor knows more than you ever will, so act your age, stop being a bitch and let me tend your injuries.’

           ‘You have some nerve talking to me like that.’ 

           ‘You have some nerve coming to my workplace to insult me.’

           During that first encounter none of you said much to each other. He wasn’t fond on talking and you didn’t like his attitude, so you didn’t try to strike a conversation. He had to admit that you were good at you job, you tended him with care and you knew what you were doing, not that he would tell you, at least not yet.

           ‘Well, not so bad for a failed attempt of a doctor.’

           It was the closest thing to a compliment he could say, and it looked like you knew, because he swears that he saw you smile a little.

           ‘Aren’t you a pleasure to work with? The injury in your arm was pretty nasty and poorly treated, so luckily for you, you will have to drop by more times to check on you. These are my hours, if you want this failed attempt of a doctor to treat you, Captain. I could get used to see your friendly face now and then.’

           He didn’t know if the last part was supposed to be interpreted as flirting, but he did come back to visit you, to keep an eye of his injury, obviously. However, if you asked Hange, she would say that you had caught his eye, he still says that at that point in your relationship you annoyed him too much to find himself interested in you.

           His weekly visits turned into daily visits, so much for not liking you.

           ‘I’m starting to think I’ve managed to catch your attention, Captain.’ 

          ‘Tch, you’re just less annoying than the rest of the brats.’ 

          ‘Oh Captain, you really know how to make me blush.’

           He lied. You did catch his attention and you both knew it. It wasn’t love, not at all, it was a gentle curiosity that grew a little bit every day, like a flower blossoming.

           ‘Tch, you only know to say shit with that mouth of yours.’ 

           ‘This mouth of mine knows to do a lot of things, want me show you, Captain?’

           ‘When you return from the expedition, you have to come to the infirmary to see your wounds and stop playing the hero, it’s bullshit.’ 

            ‘I’m starting to think you may have an obsession for doing check-ups on me, brat.’ 

           ‘You caught me, I only do them because I can’t keep my hands of you, Captain.’

         ‘Why do you always call me Captain? It’s annoying, I’m not your superior.’

        ‘I know, but I like teasing you with it, Captain.’

        He cared for you more than he cared for other people in his life, he liked being with you, maybe that was another type of love. Loving his mother was selfless; loving Isabel and Farlan was affectionate; loving you, or whatever the hell he was felling, was playful, flirty and it filled him with joy.

       Maybe it wasn’t love, but it was getting there.

4. MANIA or Obsessive love

           Your relationship was frustrating everybody, absolutely every single person that knew about you two, everybody knew you had feelings for each other but none of you did something about it, you just kept tiptoeing around each other. It was painful to see. They didn’t know if you were oblivious, stupid, scared or if you were just messing with them, Hange believed the latter one because there was no way you two weren’t together already. The banter, the flirty remarks, the way he looked out for you and the way you took care of him.

           ‘What’s going on with you and y/n, Shorty?’ 

           ‘You tell me, Four-eyes’

           ‘Tell me the truth, y/n. Are you and Levi dating and just keeping it as a secret? Because I’m losing my mind.’ 

           ‘We aren’t dating, Hange.’

           To be honest, Levi was losing his mind too. The playful game turned into something more serious, something more obsessive and he didn’t like it. He couldn’t stop thinking about you and what were you doing while he was busy with paperwork. On missions his mind wandered about your wellbeing and if you were fine. He couldn’t ignore the way his heartbeat became erratic whenever you were close to him or the way he would notice every single thing about you. He felt powerless, there was no way to stop it.

           He, who always had a plan and knew to do, was helpless under something he could have prevented, or at least something he think he could have avoided. Deep down he knew that he would have fallen for you one way or another, some things are bound to happen, and love is one of them, but he didn’t want to admit that something as mundane as love could outpower him in his own life.

           He was aware of how you felt about him, you weren’t scared to be vocal about it and it drove him mad, and by the way his stoic eyes would gleam and glisten while looking at you, you were certain it was mutual. He knew that if he said the word or gave you signal, you’d be his and he’d be yours, but he couldn’t give you what you wanted, and it was a matter of time before you got tired of him. You were young and beautiful, one the most outstanding creatures he had ever seen, you could do better than him and you’d realize soon enough. Life was too short to waste it on him.

           ‘What are you waiting for, Levi? Do something about it because it’s getting painful to watch.’ 

           ‘Get off my fucking case, Four-eyes.’

           Everyone was waiting for him to do something, but he couldn’t. In those moments he remembered the question he wasn’t able to ask his mother: ‘if you died, do you think anyone would ever love me, mom?’ His mother loved him, and she died, just like Isabel and Farlan, he couldn’t love you, because he’ll end up losing you, the same way he lost everyone else.

           He was loveless.

           But you weren’t, and you found someone to do what he couldn’t do, someone to love you like you deserved.

           He didn’t know a lot about them. You looked happier and that was all he cared about. He thought that seeing you with another person would calm his heart and his desires, but they only got worse, there was no way of forgetting about you. You were everywhere.

           ‘C’mon Levi, do something.’ 

          ‘Didn’t I tell you to drop it, Hange?’

           His visits stopped but you kept waiting for him, hoping he would come to his senses. You didn’t get it, you really didn’t. He had the opportunity, he could have taken the chance to be with you, but he didn’t, so you moved on, or tried to, you didn’t love your partner, but you could see yourself falling in love with them. However, you still missed Levi, not as a potential lover, but as a friend. The way he erased you from his life as you were nothing broke your heart. What did he want from you?

           He wanted everything. He wanted all of you and yet he couldn’t do anything about it. He was just frozen in time while you kept moving. He met your partner, they came to visit you once, they were gentle and loving, they looked at you like you were the brightest star in the firmament. They held your hand and kissed your lips. They did all the things he wanted to do. He was jealous, but he didn’t have the right to say something, he had never had the right.

           The way he looked at you made you feel guilty, like you were betraying him, and you were so confused and annoyed and angry and mad, and you really wanted to punch him in the face. So, you went to his room that night and stormed in.

           ‘What the fuck is wrong with you?’ 

           ‘I should be asking that, I’m not the one barging in someone else’s room with no previous invitation.’

           He had never seen you like that, so mad and full of rage and it was all directed to him and he knew it was his fault.

           ‘What do you want of me, Levi?’

           He wanted everything.

           He wanted you.

           ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about. Could you please stop making me lose my time?’

           He saw it in your face, that was the last straw.

           ‘You’re selfish, an asshole, a prick and a lot of other things. But above it all, you’re a fucking coward, so much for Humanity’s Strongest. For fucks sake, Levi, I loved you, I still do, but I can’t keep waiting for someone who is too scared to do something about it. I want you and you want me too. What’s stopping you?’

           He remembered again, the question he never had the chance to ask: ‘if you died, do you think anyone would ever love me, mom?’

           You loved him and you weren’t scared of it. But he was, and you were about to leave the room. You turned your back on him and it was now or never. He had to choose: would he let you walk away definitely of his life or would he do something?

           For once, he didn’t think, he didn’t listen to his head, he listened to his heart. For so long he made himself believe that he didn’t have a heart, but his heart was right there, beating for you.

           He kissed you and you kissed him back.

           ‘Mine.’ 

          ‘Yours.’

5. EROS or Passionate love

           You both were private people, you didn’t want people talking about your relationship during its first stages, what you had was precious and new and you wanted to protect it from the world a little longer. That’s why no one really knew about the whole ordeal, well, they knew that something had shifted because you could be in the same room without making everyone uncomfortable with your unsolved issues, but they couldn’t pinpoint what had exactly changed, they just guessed that you sorted everything out, finally.

           However, Hange did know what changed. She prided herself on knowing Levi, after many years working with him she had learned that Levi only talked through his body language, so she started paying attention to what his body said instead of listening to the words he spewed. Therefore, when she asked him if he was dating you and he said a short no, he knew he was lying. She noticed how he seemed more at ease, how you had broken up with your partner, the way he would gravitate towards you and that when he looked at you, his eyes weren’t filled with longing and remorse, they were shinier and less cold than usual. So, she obviously knew that something was up, but she kept quiet. She may talk way too much, and people could find her annoying, but at the end of the day she was a good friend, and she would respect that neither of you wanted to make things public.

           Keeping things private was harder than he originally thought, he was distant and cold to everyone, but he couldn’t be cold and distant with you when you made him burn inside and he could only think about holding you close. It was weird for him, he had spent so many years deprived of touch that he couldn’t imagine himself getting addicted to it, but he was wrong, so wrong.

           You knew that Levi was touch starved, you didn’t need to be a genius to notice. When you picked up his body language and started hearing about his childhood, everything came together: his mother died when he was very young, the most paternal figure he had was toxic and abusive to him and since Isabel and Farlan he didn’t let anyone in easily. Levi wasn’t used to someone doting him and you knew that if you started showering him with affection, it would probably scare him off a little, and that was the last thing you wanted. So, you started slowly: holding hands, gentle caresses, kisses in his cheek, hugs, light pecks on the lips and when you saw that he started getting more comfortable, things started scaling on their own, you let him mark the pace. It wasn’t a quick process, but it was worth it.

           After a few months, Levi couldn’t keep his hands of you and he surely didn’t want you to keep your hands off him. This was a new kind of love, at first, on the early stages of your relationship it was playful, but then it evolved into something more passionate: quick pecks turned into open mouthed kisses; holding hands innocently turned into holding you close while you came undone under him again and again; kisses now went lower and lower, exploring new parts of you that he hadn’t seen and that no one else would. He didn’t think that touch could mean so much to him, but it did now, and he knew that couldn’t ever go back to a touchless life where you wouldn’t be there to love him.

6. PHILAUTIA or Self-love

          He wasn’t neither deaf, blind or stupid. He could hear what people had to say about your relationship, how you deserved better than him; he could see his reflection on the mirror and how he wasn’t beautiful, at least not as much as you, he wasn’t the male that would make people swoon and he knew that you could have any man or female you wanted, but you chose him, out of every other person, you decided to be with him. He was a lucky bastard and you didn’t make good decisions, what a match.

           You would look at him like he held the stars in the sky, and you would touch him like he was about to disappear in any moment, as if he were a dream you were afraid to wake up from. He didn’t get why him, he wasn’t the most handsome, nor the nicest, nor the easiest to love, and you still decided to keep him around. He liked to think that he was smart or cleverer than the average, and yet he couldn’t grasp his head around that the fact you loved him and just him, and that was it, it was as simple as that.

           Whenever you heard the things people said about your partner, you went feral, because you knew all those comments fueled the self-hate Levi had. Being loveless for so long it obviously affected the perception he had of himself and you wanted to change that, because he deserved it, he deserved all the happiness in this dull world. He liked to play strong, but you saw through him, and even though he never acted upon them, it hurt him. You wished he could see himself through you eyes, because it caused you pain the mere idea of him thinking less of himself, that he wasn’t worthy of your love.

           You would tell him every day how much you loved him, as if you were reciting a prayer to your own god.

           ‘I love you.’

           ‘You’re beautiful.’

           ‘I could stare at you for the rest of my life.’

           ‘I don’t know what I would do without you.’

           You would tell him that he needed to love himself, see the good inside of him, he guessed that that was one the types of love he had yet to discover: self-love. He didn’t see himself capable of loving himself nearly the half of how much you loved him.

           ‘You know one reason why you should love yourself, because you make me the happiest I’ve ever been.’

              He didn’t love himself, not yet, but if he was able to make you smile like that, he couldn’t be that unworthy of you.

7. STORGE or Familiar love

              He had been avoiding love for as long as he could remember, and then you burst into his life with the force of a typhoon. Love had found him, and he couldn’t get away, you never can, it was a lesson that he had finally accepted.

             For so long he saw love as something unnecessary, a burden for the soul. Love ruins you, it stabs you on the back, whenever he let his walls down, love would always take advantage of it and destroy him, bringing him closer to insanity, he had lost himself too many times by loving people and when he met you, he did not want the cycle to repeat itself. He didn’t want more Kuchels, Kennys, Isabels and Farlans, love was merciless, and he wasn’t interested in it, at least that was what he told to himself every day, that he was better off alone. Was all the pain worth it? He thought love came with a high price and he couldn’t afford it. However, things change, life happens, destiny has always something in the store, well, in his case he had someone.

           You were his everything, the beacon that brought light in his life, for so long he had been lost, walking amongst shadows, nearly becoming one, and when you appeared you changed the rules of the game, of his game. Every wall he had built around himself came down and you filled every gap his heart was missing. It was the scariest thing he had ever done, letting you in, letting someone in, giving someone else the control of his own heart. You knew the power you held between your hands and you never abused it. You were his solace in this mad world, the oasis in the middle of the desert.

         Loving him was not easy, he knew it, he was rude, sharp, too closed off, mean, he was what people liked to call a ‘fucking jerk’ and yet you never gave up on him, on what you had. Instead of leaving when you had the chance, you stayed through thick and thin: through sleepless nights, through his bad moods and grumpiness, through his biting remarks… .You didn’t ran way, you were too stubborn for that, instead you taught him more forms of love.

         You were all of the ones he knew and more.

         You were selfless, giving him every part of you and loving him with everything you had to offer.

         You were his best friend, his companion, the better half of him.

         You were playful, joyous, probably the only thing that could make him smile and bring him happiness.

         You were consuming, like a fire burning inside of him.

         You were passionate, intoxicating.

         You were every form of love he had ever experienced, but nothing could have ever prepared him for the kind of love he was experiencing in that moment: the familiar one. The one you feel when you hold your newborn in your trembling hands. It was something he couldn’t describe, there weren’t words for it, he tried to, but he failed every single time.

         This was the way his mom loved him, and then he knew how much he had meant for his own mother. While holding little Kuchel on his arms, he remembered all those days and nights on that dirty brothel, all the hours he spent by his mother’s side, how she would do everything to give him the best life and he soon realized there was nothing in this world he wouldn’t do for his daughter. It wasn’t the best of times to have a child, but in that moment, in that precise instant, when Kuchel opened her grey eyes, he was sure of one thing: he would tear everything and everyone down only to see her smile.

        A knock on the door. Another one. Two minutes passed and then Hange, followed by Erwin, entered in the room.

       ‘Tch, Shitty-glasses, who gave you permission to come in?’ 

       ‘My authority as a god-mother.’

       ‘Don’t make me regret it.’

      ‘She’s beautiful, what’s her name?’ 

     ‘Her name is Kuchel.’

     Kuchel was his new world, he loved her so much that it was overwhelming, he would never love someone as much as he loved her, and no one would probably love with the same devotion Levi Ackerman loved his daughter.

    ‘You know, Kuchel, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I promise you that you will have the best life a man like me can give you. I may be a little cold, perhaps a little strict and you will probably get mad at me sometimes, but no matter what happens, I will love you through everything. And by the way, no dating until I’m dead because no brat will be good enough for you. You deserve the world Kuchel and I’ll give you everything it has to offer. Things may get hard, you aren’t born in the best circumstances, but I’ll protect you because you deserve the life I couldn’t live.’

     Kuchel’s first word was ‘dadda’.

     Kuchel’s first steps were pointed towards his father.

     Kuchel’s favorite pastime was being in his father’s arms.

     Kuchel could only sleep after his father had kissed her forehead.

     And Kuchel would never love someone as much as he loved his father, because she loved him as much as he loved her.

8. PRAGMA or Enduring love

           He was old and wrinkly, he was scarred, mutilated and there were days he couldn’t sleep because the nightmares were too real. But he was happy, he was married to the most beautiful and special person he had ever met, he had a loving daughter, a bunch of brats he was proud to call grandchildren and the tea shop he had always dreamed about.

           Life hadn’t been fair to him. He had lost so many people he cared about, he had fought a war and he had had the weight of the world on his shoulders. But, after all, after the tortures, the adversities, the deaths… He had people who loved and whom he loved.

          Love was worth it. He had finally learned that.

          At his seventies he found out about the last kind of love, the enduring, the one that lasts and survives in time. He loved his family above everything, and he would love them long after his bones turn into ashes and no one remembers his name.

         Then he recalled that question he never got to ask his mother: ‘if you died, do you think anyone would ever love me, mom?’

         He looked at the sky and smiled.

        ‘After all someone was fool enough to love me mom, who would have thought?’

         A gentle breeze caressed his skin and a single tear fell from his eye.

        ‘I guess that’s the way you have of answering the question.’

[demonologistfucker]

In Love with an Artist💛✨

Obey me! Boys x gn! Mc who is a professional artist. I try to be vague about what sort of art you make so that anyone can fit in. As well as what your goals are as a professional artist. This could be someone who just posts art online, does commissions, whatever. I put in some gallery shows cuz those are fun to think about.

this is SFW Fluff💛 rest of the brothers under the cut

Lucifer

- he saw on your file that you did art, but wasn’t really thinking too much about it. Though when you arrived to your dorm you were greeted with a set of art supplies. A nice sketchbook, a couple pencils and pens. As well as rather high end paint set and brushes. He will never bring it up.

- if you do art out where others can see he’ll try to get a look as what you do, but if you’re private about it he would be respectful. Lucifer doesn’t enjoy when people step over his boundaries, and wouldn’t want to do that he you. He knows enough about artists to understand that ones work is personal.

- when he does get to see what you make he will be internally blown away, but outwardly just ask questions about your process. Trying to figure out if there is symbolism you are drawn to, or what you were trying to capture. There is always a little more to art than just the subject.

- if you want to continue being a professional artist in the Devildom he would be a great support. Would give you advice on who to contact and what venues would be best for your work. He seems to have had the information all prepared. He wouldn’t flex his power too much because he wants this to be your own effort, but is happy to help if you want it. 

- At shows he’s a an easy presence besides you. Though he likes to be admired. he knows when to step back at let you shine. If nerves catch your tongue or the social work becomes to much. Lucifer will step in with smooth answers. He knows your work backwards and forwards. So can easily answer any question a patron might have. 

Mammon

- “oh you should draw me!” It’s up to you if you actually do, but that’s one of the first things out of his mouth when he learns you do art. He does have a pretty face, and would make a good life model....

- Doesn’t verbalize that he thinks your art is cool, but he does want to see every little thing you make. Finds even your doodles to be mesmerizing. So if you’re do art while he’s around be prepared for him leaning over your shoulder to get a good look.

- If you’re trying to make money off of your art Mammon is extremely helpful. his sway over people’s spending could magically get people to be interested in you, but he’s also just good at setting prices. He will not stand for you setting your prices too low, and will come after people who try to skip out on paying.

- Will try to get your art hung up in every establishment he has a connection too. Not every place will be your vibe though so you get to choose where your art actually ends up.

- Though his room style is more modern minimalism. He has several of your pieces framed around his room. A couple you were sure had been sold...

Leviathan

- as a proud otaku he knows how to treat artists right 👏🏻👏🏻 if he wants you to draw something for him he’s gunna tip out of his ass. Leviathan has definitely worked with artists before. Commissioning cosplay, or fanart, and each time he tips outrageously. So be prepared for what he might do to try and impress you.

- Initially gets a little over eager with the commissions, but is able to figure out that.. you might want to do some art just for fun. Or enjoy other things too. Talk to him and he’ll relax. He just wants to support your beautiful art!

- really loves it when you show him what your working on. Especially when you show sketches or work in progresses. It makes him feel really special to see the unfinished product. Being trusted with your genuine ideas and imperfect thoughts means a lot to him. 

- if your art is story based at all. He will want to hear All about it. Might say it reminds him of anime’s he’s watched but he means that as the highest compliment. Your idea are just as good as his beloved shows. Your ideas might even be better because he gets to love the person who made them.

- If you have an art show... He will leave his room for you. He will look so dashing, but so uncomfortable. There with you as long as you need him, but if you are fine on your own he might hang out in a corner. Or go home early. 

-When you get home he will make it up to you✨

Satan

- He isn’t going to push you to show off your art if you don’t want too. Even if you are drawing in the same room as him. He just can’t see himself being able to interrupt you. Your focused expression is delightful. Though curiosity will eventually get the better of him if you don’t show him yourself.

- Once you do he is captivated. His face is still calm and collected. Expect for his eyes which are wide and sparkling. If you let him he’ll spend a full hour looking at just one of your pieces. Satan will try to spot every little detail, and see how it all comes together. Both as a reflection of what your are trying to capture but also you. What he see’s only makes him more captivated. 

- Asks good questions about what you’re working on, as well as complimenting by comparing to other artists in the realms. You had no idea what he meant when he said your worked reminded him of the great Venia the Dark Slayer. So he showed you his books on Devildom artists. You were surprised that Venia the Dark Slayer really did have something in common with your work. Weirdly enough. He also has sections for earth and the celestial realm artists. You are more then welcome to look through them whenever you like.  

- When you’re not around he talks about your art a lot. Always so proud of the latest piece he saw you working on. Satan conveniently forgets that some of his friends are gallery owners. He won’t sign you up for any shows without your informed consent, but he definitely help you get shows much easier.

- Whether he helps you get the show or not. He wants to help set up. His eye for detail makes hanging all the frames easier, as well as making good labels for the work. Whenever you can’t come up with a name for a piece. he’s pretty good at coming up with something clever. 

Asmodeus 

- Also going to lean over your shoulder to see what you’re making. Then is absolutely captivated by what you’re able to make.

- ART DAY! Asmo wants to be creative with you as much as you’re willing for. So you’ll both take up a table and have your art supplies shared in the middle. Asmo is planning his never dress design, or possibly a make up look he’d want to try. Stops to talks to you a lot. Wanders the room and ends up against you to peak at what you’re working on again. 

- He’ll ask for your opinion on his outfits and make up, as well as any other creative project they’ve gotten involved with. See’s you as a creative equal. 

- Thinks everything you made is brilliant, but also gives good constructive criticism when you want it. 

- When you get your first Devildom Galley. It’s going to be the biggest event that whole week. Asmo will not stand for anyone not going to this wonderful event. Takes over most of the party planning. Which makes you worried it’s going to be a big flirty party with Asmo at the center of attention. When you get there it is beautiful. Asmo has decorated the place to fit the theme or your art. There is catering and drinks. All of which again are themed to your art or just your favorite foods. 

- He’s so proud of you of course he had to make this event special. 

Beelzebub

- :OOOO 

- Really blown away by what you’re capable off. Asks you to send him photos as you work on pieces. Very quietly supportive. When you do art with him around he feels so happy. There will be a small smile on his face the whole time. Which breaks out into a beam whenever you show him what you’re working on.

- If you need a life model👀👀👀 Beel wouldn’t mind posing for you. 

- Very used to you coming up and asking him to hold something, or do something with his hands. So that you can reference it. Either holds the pose or asks you to take a picture if busy. 

- Commissions you to do art for his brother’s birthdays. Not only does he get to support your work, but he knows his brothers will be thrilled to have one of your pieces. 

- If you give him any art it will be treasured till the end of time. Neatly framed and kept somewhere he can see everyday. 

- Makes sure you stretch before and after doing arts. Making art requires a lot of fine motor skills that can put serious strain on your body. It’s important to take breaks and stretch. 

Belphegor

- His face makes a good desk when he falls asleep on your lap

- Might want to do art with you from time to time. He’s got a lot of thoughts in that brain and getting them out on paper feels really nice. If he can’t come up with something to make. he still gets to watch you make art which is always nice. 

- Wants to know the meaning behind your artwork. Even if he doesn’t particularly like an art piece. He wants to know what it meant to you, and its importance. Or lack there of. Some art is just shits and giggles. Belphegor just wants to know the intent of what you’re doing. 

- Has never gone to a gallery before, but for you?? He will be there on time. Hair brushed, face washed, and freshly shaved. Maybe even wearing a suit.

- “How many commissions have you been doing? no get your ass to bed.”

- Very good at reminding you to take breaks. Or getting in your way so much you can’t work and Have to rest.