#this is not fair at all.

[kitty-lemon]

I hate Olympics.......the most bullshit event ever

[pangur-and-grim]

I got too excited while playing chess and told my opponent that I was going to slit his throat and slaughter him like a hog. something to work on for next time

[baltimore-belle]

i need you all to understand how absolutely fucking monumental beating someone by SEVENTEEN seconds in a swim race is. normally, in olympic swimming, all the swimmers finish within the same few seconds. notice how in the event replay, all the other swimmers are roughly in a line during the race… (admittedly, swimmers tend to finish further apart from each other in longer distance races, but not by that much.) people spend months, years of their lives doing brutal training just trying to one-up other swimmers by a single second, because that can mean a win. every hundredth of a second matters.

and then. imagine being ledecky and finishing your olympic race, sitting and waiting on second place to arrive for seventeen entire seconds.

[cubbyhole-for-flea-bee]

Macaque spent the whole season Big-Damn-Hero-ing and was NOT happy about it xD

[jasontoddspussy]

Bruce: the Red Hood is Jason Todd.

Tim: yeah

Alfred: british surprise

Dick: No. I don't believe you.

Bruce: Why? because he's a killer?

Dick: No.

Dick: have you seen the size of that lad? Jason at 15 barely reached my waist! and you want me to believe mr. built like a fridge is my little brother, suddenly a head taller than me? taller than you?

Bruce: ....

Tim: ....

Alfred: ....

Dick: yeah no way. i don't believe it.

Tim: lazarus pits said transgender euphoria, huh.

[adhd-merlin]

some people really be out there typing fanfics longer than war and peace in their free time and then going on about their life like it's no big deal. how fucking incredible. like no offense to tolstoy but that was like. his whole job

[egophiliac]

still ruminating over Lost In the Book With Spooky Skeletons Part 1, so here's a selection of some of my favorite little bits! (...some more loosely paraphrased than others) (I just feel like Idia has no room to criticize in general, okay)

anyway, I'm sure we're just going to have a fun time celebrating Halloween and nothing bad is going to happen whatsoever! :)

[inkskinned]

probably time for this story i guess but when i was a kid there was a summer that my brother was really into making smoothies and milkshakes. part of this was that we didn't have AC and couldn't afford to run fans all day so it was kind of important to get good at making Cool Down Concoctions.

we also had a patch of mint, and he had two impressionable little sisters who had the attitude of "fuck it, might as well."

at one point, for fun, this 16 year old boy with a dream in his eye and scientific fervor in heart just wanted to see how far one could push the idea of "vanilla mint smoothie". how much vanilla extract and how much mint can go into a blender before it truly is inedible.

the answer is 3 cups of vanilla extract, 1/2 cup milk alternative, and about 50 sprigs (not leaves, whole spring) of mint. add ice and the courage of a child. idk, it was summer and we were bored.

the word i would use to describe the feeling of drinking it would maybe be "violent" or perhaps, like. "triangular." my nose felt pristine. inhaling following the first sip was like trying to sculpt a new face. i was ensconced in a mesh of horror. it was something beyond taste. for years after, i assumed those commercials that said "this is how it feels to chew five gum" were referencing the exact experience of this singular viscous smoothie.

what's worse is that we knew our mother would hate that we wasted so much vanilla extract. so we had to make it worth it. we had to actually finish the drink. it wasn't "wasting" it if we actually drank it, right? we huddled around outside in the blistering sun, gagging and passing around a single green potion, shivering with disgust. each sip was transcendent, but in a sort of non-euclidean way. i think this is where i lost my binary gender. it eroded certain parts of me in an acidic gut ecology collapse.

here's the thing about love and trust: the next day my brother made a different shake, and i drank it without complaint. it's been like 15 years. he's now a genuinely skilled cook. sometimes one of the three of us will fuck up in the kitchen or find something horrible or make a terrible smoothie mistake and then we pass it to each other, single potion bottle, and we say try it it's delicious. it always smells disgusting. and then, cerimonious, we drink it together. because that's what family does.

[chloesimaginationthings]

Gregory fears FNAF DJ music man...Abby does not

[lazylittledragon]

dadkarios doods sponsored by my stress migraine

[tattoosingarishhues]

[gingermintpepper]

I think, perhaps one of the funniest things to come from EPIC popularising the Odyssey is that now a ton of people think Poseidon wanted to kill Odysseus.

In the Odyssey, Poseidon has no intention of killing Odysseus. In fact, part of the whole reason Zeus lets Poseidon do whatever he wants even though he thinks Odysseus is rad and should get to kiss his wife is explicitly because Poseidon had no intentions of killing Odysseus. Poseidon wanted to pay back the suffering/inconvenience blinding Polyphemus would have caused. It's a really abstract thing tbh. How do you pay back someone permanently disabling your son? Poseidon's solution was just to amputate Odysseus from his other half; i.e. Penelope. The end game was never murder, it was always an endurance race.

(Od. Book 1: Zeus reassuring Athena that he is not, in fact, a part of Odysseus Hater-Nation. Trans. Robert Fagles)

Also, for those wondering if there's any sort of in text reason for why Poseidon wasn't around in God Games - at the time in the Odyssey when Athena petitions Zeus to let Odysseus leave Calypso's island, Poseidon was -checks notes- on vacation in Ethiopia. Yep. He left to Ethiopia for a festival and thusly was very much absent for Athena's whole "please let Ody go? Please? 🥺" request.

(Od. Book 1: While Odysseus was suffering, Poseidon went to party in the east)

I am begging y'all to read the Odyssey. It's a comedy for everyone except Odysseus and Penelope who are, in fact, suffering 24/7 365.

[hinamie]

sry i have chronic only draws megumi disorder the doctor said it's terminal :/

[bigfatbreak]

Birds of a Feather previous / next

[shotmrmiller]

oh to be at some rugby game with your boyfriend who's a total fan, face painted and all, and he squeezes you into a jersey of some player you don't care to know, couldn't even find his number on the field because they're all just slamming themselves into each other with enough force to cause brain damage but then a big man with the number you've got on your front eventually comes up to the stands and your bf's losing it because finally, here comes his #1 player but his eyes are on you, and you alone.

he blows you off when you tell him that actually, you don't know who he is, you're just here because your bf is.

"don't care. you've my name on your back."

(fisting your jersey he tosses you to the guy below, who had been standing there with his arms stretched above him as if expectant. "ya can wear mine next week.")