#this is not a w!ncest post

[dreamytfw]

Dean's siren is endlessly fascinating to me. And I'm not talking about the very surface level "OMG DEAN'S SIREN WAS A GUY" baby's first queer reading here. According to the siren (which, let's all remember, has 0 reason to lie about this), what Dean wanted was his hero-worshipping kid brother back. What I think is extremely interesting, though, is at no point does the siren ever act like Sam at all. Nor do they ever act like Dean's caricature of Sam that we get a glimpse at in Tall Tales.

What makes me go fucking feral is the siren acts like Dean. Which is wild because we're told and shown over and over again that Dean fucking hates himself and thinks he's obnoxious to be around. But based on the way the siren acts, it's very clear that Dean doesn't want a whole separate person with their own feelings, thoughts, autonomy, etc. What Dean wants is someone who likes all the same things he likes, does stuff to boost his ego, and never challenges him or his world view. What Dean wants, as it turns out, is a good little soldier.

I wonder if that speaks to his understanding of family and familial dynamics and certain cycles and things that get perpetuated in those cycles at all!!!

[sirlancenotalot]

[wayward-seraphim]

early seasons sam and dean

[omgitskaii]

you guys ever think that dean feels as though everyone who has ever loved him was obligated to? not loving him just because they wanted to? because as much as he doesn’t want to admit it, he’s filled with so much love, so much that it builds up like a dam and drowns him.

because he loves his dad, he hates to admit it. but, for years, john was all he had. but, when it came down to it, he loved dean because that was all he had too. he was his kid, and he looked and acted just like his mom. he needed something to cling to after mary, and dean wasn’t enough just as a son. he needed a soldier. someone to bare the heavy burden with him. he loved him, of course he did… that’s what fathers do, love unconditionally, but all that love was condensed into bittersweet pats on the shoulder, into leaving crumpled up cash on the counter and muddy footprints leading out the door, into steadying an 8 year-olds hands as he shoots tin cans off stumps. it wasn’t teaching dean to ride a bike, it was teaching dean to cut through blood and guts just to get that look of approval because without it, dean wasn’t his son. he had to learn to earn love, and no matter what he did, it was never enough to earn it.

and of course, he loves sammy. he raised him like he was his own kid, but sammy loves dean because he’s his brother. because he has to. because he’s his family, whether he likes it or not. when it came down to it, sam didn’t bother looking for dean for a year, he didn’t try to get dean out of hell. but does he love him? of course, he’s his brother. but dean loves him so much. he loves him like a brother, like a son, like a mother and a father. even when he was 10 and dean let him finish the rest of the lucky charms even though he loved them and he’d saved most of the marshmallows for himself, when he’d swaddle sammy in torn up blankets from the good will and he'd wrap himself in dads old coat and shiver, but it was okay because sammy was warm and asleep. when he’d complained his hair was too long and asked dean to cut it, and he threatened to give sammy a mullet. dean spent hours cutting it while he fussed, until sammy finally beamed and thanked him. even when he was older now, withering and crying out his name as he went through demonic withdrawals, when dean pressed a wet wash cloth to his feverish head in the aftermath, and whispered “it’s okay, sammy. you’re gonna be fine.” but when dean crawled his way through dirt and earthworms, blood and soil under his dull fingernails. his first move after coming back from the dead, is he drove hours to find sammy. his brother. to find him mingling with a chick from the bar, to find out he did nothing to try and find him… even after he gave up his soul to bring him back to life. enduring 30 years of torture, and dishing it all back for another 10.

lisa and ben. he came to their doorstep stricken with grief after losing his brother. they took him as he grieved, wasted a year of their life putting dean back together after losing his brother. dean had meddled in their lives, wiggled his way in like a leech and fed off the love they gave him until the sinking of his teeth felt like a comfort. until the pain felt like fishing trips with ben, backyard barbecues with work friends, date nights with lisa. it made him whole, for awhile, like building a dam against the inevitable crash from the weight of deans guilt and shame and fear that he’d fuck everything up. until the fear turned to reality, and deans hands were covered in the same colour of her lipstick on date night. until dean put on his fathers shoes and barked out orders to a terrified boy that he looked at like his own son, rushing lisa to the hospital where her vanilla perfume went stale and smelt like antiseptic. until dean walked out of that room, because no one could just love him. not without consequences.

and cas… his best friend. he wasn’t sure what to make of him at first, but he slowly wriggled his way into deans skin, and he learned to love him. every awkward bit of him. the small tilt in his head that was far too charming for a celestial being. the softness in his eyes as he looked straight through dean, into his soul, and dean could do nothing about it. not like he wanted to. he felt safe under his eyes, safe under the tingling of the scar on his shoulder whenever cas silently popped on, safe whenever he heard a fluttering of wings. but for cas? it was his job. it was destiny that cas loved him. it was built into the stardust that made up his being. his only purpose was to love and protect dean winchester and he did his job well. but, it was his job. an obligation. it was an order by God that he was built to obey. it was the only thing he knew how to do, everything else was building blocks to something bigger than cas. and even then, even though it was coded, dean still had to earn his love through all the fuck ups he made. he kicked and clawed his way up gravel and dirt and coughed up the insects that took root in his sternum, even though he'd rather they carved a colony in his ribcage as he settled back into that pine box. he felt love even when he didn't want to, in the way cas shoved him against a brick wall, cursing his entire existence, and blood pooled in his mouth as he let out strangled "i need you's" and "i'm sorry's." because he did and he was. because for a few terrifying moments, even the creature bound and devoted to him found it a chore to love him back. and that scared dean.

sometimes, after everything, dean would sit at the dinged up coffee table of his motel room while sam went on another beer run, and he’d stare at the nicks and scratches on it and he’d wonder if cas would still drag him out if it wasn’t fate. if it wasn’t fate, would he still look at dean like he was made of gold? like he was a savior, because he was written to be? would he rebuild him from his atoms, stich back every muscle and fiber, carve back in the scars from when he was 11 and cutting his finger trying to cook for sammy in another strange state and paste back every freckle on his face. would cas do all that all over again, if it wasn’t written? if it wasn’t meant to be?

and he’s gone to hell. he’s spent years there. he’s felt his bones break and bend in ways only a select species could imagine. he’s felt each molar and canine get torn from his mouth, skin fall off the bone, names and ugly sigils carved into his skin for years. years and years. until he’d caved. until he wasn’t the one screaming anymore, until he was so far gone that he’d listen to the same pleads and screams like his favourite mixtape. until he learned a different kind of love. a dirty kind. one that made him swallow down the lump of guilt and shame in his throat and bare his teeth in a bloody, shit eating grin to make up for it.

and he’d think that he’d take that a thousand times over, than live in a world where someone loving him was an order that had to be followed. where caring for him was nothing but a chore. because it was carved into bone marrow and littered with stardust and prophecies. because it was coded into dna and dyed the same red as his own. because it was a matter of necessity to stop him from drinking himself to death, or to do something even stupider.

so instead of thinking, he’d pour another glass of whiskey into his cup and fill himself with it, until the love he felt was nothing but a buzz. until all the love he had ran over, and he’d pour it all onto someone he knew would love him back. if only for a short while. he’d wink at the cute bartender with long black hair and blues eyes. she’d look like someone he can’t quite name, or maybe he didn’t want to. he’d think ‘fuck it,’ blaming it on the drunk fever the next day, and wink at a sturdy looking man with a cowboy hat all alone. and the man would tip his hat with a small smile, and dean would grab another drink to ignore the warmth he felt from it. he’d pour out his thoughts and feelings methodically to the girl because she’d ask, and he’d stare and blink and nod enough times to catch her attention when she spoke, and then he’d smile with no real meaning and she’d smile with one to make up for it. hook, line, and sinker. he’d whisper sweet sentiments into pillows of strangers, because at least then he knew that it wasn’t a matter of life long obligation. it was just a stranger, for just one night, who’d love dean because she’d wanted to. and all the flirting and the drinking and the pretty comments he'd earn it. just for one night.

and that’s okay with dean, no matter how much it really isn’t.

because i think abt it a lot.

[thepunkmuppet]

icl i’m still so genuinely baffled by dean and jo’s relationship

because just what the FUCK were the writers trying to do there??? like i don’t understand - it’s established that jo likes dean, which, valid, same girl, but laments him “only seeing her a a sister”. which is then corroborated by dean smith calling ellen and jo his mum and sister when he’s lost his memories. fair, could’ve left it at that. adds a lot of tragedy to her death.

but WHY ON GOD’S GREEN EARTH would you do all of that WHILE ALSO MAKING DEAN EXPLICITLY INTERESTED IN HER??????? he flirts with her EXTREMELY TRANSPARENTLY all the time, suggesting they have sex, making innuendos, etc, and then kisses her on the lips before she dies - i just straight up don’t understand what they were trying to do. it makes it feel so incestuous and weird, especially because she’s younger than him - why not lean into the unrequitedness?

is there not a bittersweet tragedy in jo loving dean, renowned womaniser who will get with anyone, and him seeing her as only a sister? doesn’t exactly pass the bechedel test ofc, but would that not in itself be a really sad ending for her character, and for dean to feel like he failed her by not loving her back??

i just really don’t get it, it feels like there were maybe multiple writers at once who weren’t sure what they wanted to do with the character and it comes across SO weirdly, bc dean wdym in your ideal life jo is your sister but you also want to fuck her 💀 EW bro

[babyblue-mind]

its thinking about dean wearing sam’s hoodie in faith hours

[spnregular]

11.16, 11.17, 11.19

Fun collection of moments where Dean is fucked up or not sleeping because he feels like he needs to rescue Cas v. Sam being like dang, it ain't that deep! Let's hunt!

Bonus, 11.18 Dean crying out for Cas when Amara is taking away Lucifer:

[monstermoviedean]

dean was the eternal vessel and he didn't even get to get filled

[crownlessam]

sam winchester + william butler yeats, calvary / 1.22 all hell breaks loose: part II / clive barker, the hellbound heart / 8.23 sacrific / 9.10 road trip / sarah waters, the night watch / 15.20 carry on

[picklesinabottle]

obsessing about michael holing up in a body that is not his own in a dark church and dean folding in on himself every time and neither of them doing anything until prompted with a way for revenge or to get them back

[kerryweaverlesbian]

Screamintothesun on ao3 if you're out there.........your fics are so good I'm going to explode......

Everyone read their Sam and Dean preseries fic Long Black Cloud Coming Down immediately. Sam's sick and exhibiting psychic powers. Dean's doing his absolute best not to perceive it. The MOOD of this fic. LOOK at this snippet:

He finally made it into the glow of the streetlight. Still no answer. The light flickered above them. Sam looked up.

There were marbles where his eyes should be. Glassy, unfocused. They almost looked—Dean’s breath hitched. Yellow.

The lamp died. Sam swayed.

You HAVE to read it you have to you gotta

[dreamytfw]

You know what I find interesting?

Dean calls Sam's true crime hobby a fetish as siblings are wont to do: no one bats an eye. Everyone understands it is a joke/sibling banter.

Sam calls Dean's cowboy/Western history hobby a fetish as siblings are wont to do: "OMG DEAN LITERALLY WANTS TO GET FUCKED BY A COWBOY SO BAD HE HAS AN ACTUAL LITERAL FETISH FOR COWBOYS AND THERE IS NO OTHER WAY TO INTERPRET THAT LINE!!!"

And for added interest: this reading (afaik) is not brought to you by Wincest shippers, and if you ask one of them why Sam would know about Dean's sexual fetishes and would seriously talk about it in front of their adoptive father (yes, Sam says that in front of Bobby), YOU get accused of shipping Wincest!

[sirlancenotalot]

[wayward-seraphim]

sam and dean winchester, matching pfps

[philtatosbuck]

"you can't tell me you don't notice the insanity between dean and sam!" literally no one on earth who has watched that stupid little show has ever said those two were a normal bond by any stretch of the imagination. you don't have to be foaming as the mouth about how they're "in love" with each other to acknowledge they aren't normal you bitches just don't understand people can see them solely as brothers and still see them for how insane they are

[babyblue-mind]

btw love being the thing that dooms and saves the winchesters over and over is the most important thing ever. actually