#every once in a while I just low-key lose my mind over this

[dreamytfw]

Dean's siren is endlessly fascinating to me. And I'm not talking about the very surface level "OMG DEAN'S SIREN WAS A GUY" baby's first queer reading here. According to the siren (which, let's all remember, has 0 reason to lie about this), what Dean wanted was his hero-worshipping kid brother back. What I think is extremely interesting, though, is at no point does the siren ever act like Sam at all. Nor do they ever act like Dean's caricature of Sam that we get a glimpse at in Tall Tales.

What makes me go fucking feral is the siren acts like Dean. Which is wild because we're told and shown over and over again that Dean fucking hates himself and thinks he's obnoxious to be around. But based on the way the siren acts, it's very clear that Dean doesn't want a whole separate person with their own feelings, thoughts, autonomy, etc. What Dean wants is someone who likes all the same things he likes, does stuff to boost his ego, and never challenges him or his world view. What Dean wants, as it turns out, is a good little soldier.

I wonder if that speaks to his understanding of family and familial dynamics and certain cycles and things that get perpetuated in those cycles at all!!!

[vevobly]

Yellowjackets Dating Coach Ben's Niece Headcanons!

A/N: Misty is still obsessed with Coach Ben but it's more of her yearning for a parental figure than wanting him romantically as her lover. Anyways, shout out to my other babe for her endless encouragement and support! @salfishdelish 😘

Jackie Taylor:

Jackie would feel a little self-conscious at first, aware of the potential judgement that could come from your uncle—Coach Ben. She'd constantly worry from time to time whether he'd approve or not of her relationship with you. Even if he didn't give her a thumbs up for it, she would still pursue you nonetheless.

Jackie would try so hard to make a good impression on Coach Ben, acting extra polite around him during practices and team events to soften the blow once he found out about you two dating later on. Although she seems pretty cool and confident about the whole situation in herself, Jackie is hella nervous on the inside—scared of maybe slipping up and so.

“So…do you think Coach Ben would kill me if he found out? Asking for a friend, of course.”

Shauna Shipman:

Shauna would feel a mix of excitement and apprehension about the entire situation. She wouldn’t care much about the possibility of Coach Ben disapproving her relationship with you, but she would be hyper-aware of how it might complicate things.

Shauna would try her best to keep the relationship low-key, not wanting to risk the idea of Coach Ben finding out way too soon about you two. She would occasionally ask him these hypothetical kinds of scenario questions with the idea of you dating someone just so she could find out what he thinks about it.

“I'm not scared of him, but maybe let's just.. keep this between us for now.”

Taissa Turner:

While Tai is mindful of Coach Ben's position, she wouldn't let that stop her from pursuing you. She wouldn't have that much trouble dating you, just the fact that your uncle happens to be her coach and he could really beat her over you two dating if he disapproved mainly.

Tai would be hella respectful around him, making sure not to give anything about your relationship with her away (and to earn some brownie points beforehand). She'd make sure that you really were comfortable with the whole situation before stepping things up.

“Coach Ben doesn't scare me, but I'll follow your lead on this.”

Van Palmer:

Van would think this situation with you was completely hilarious and wouldn't be intimidated by Coach Ben in the slightest at all. She'd also make plenty of jokes every once in a while about the whole thing with you in private, just full on grinning at you while wiggling her eyebrows and so.

Van wouldn't care much about what Coach Ben thought about your relationship with her, she'd be upfront about what she feels for you. And she would also try to find ways to bond with him, mostly to earn herself some good impression on him along for fun.

“Do you think he'll bench me if he finds out? What! It's a genuine question, and honestly, It'd be totally worth it.”

Natalie Scatorccio:

Nat would be a little wary of how Coach Ben could potentially react but she would not let it stop her from being with you. And to be honest, she kinda finds the situation slightly amusing herself. I mean, it's not every day that you get to bag an amazing babe who just so happens to be your own coach's niece.

Nat would avoid drawing attention to her relationship with you around Coach Ben as much as possible, keeping almost everything you guys do privately. If he ever found out, she'd immediately go up and stand her ground, make it loud and clear to him that her feelings for you are genuine.

“I don't care what he thinks. This, whatever we have, is what I'm here for. Not him.”

Lottie Matthews:

Lottie would go for you, whether you were Coach Ben's niece or not. She loves you. And this thing you guys have is something important to her. She's not just gonna let herself lose it over your uncle's potential disapprovement of her relationship with you and so on.

Although she might say she doesn't care about Coach Ben, she will make the effort to be respectful around him and kinda (maybe) subtly try to win him over without making it obvious. She'd also make sure you're actually comfortable with your relationship with her, before doing anything further than what you guys did.

“I... We'll handle this together, alright? Your uncle doesn't have to be an obstacle between us.”

Laura Lee:

Laura Lee would be the most concerned about Coach Ben's opinion about your relationship with her because, aside from the possibly weird dynamic you guys have—she wants his approval. She'd be cautious about how she went about her relationship with you, wanting it to align with herself and her values.

Laura Lee would most likely get you to have an open conversation with her about how you guys should handle the situation. She'd also pray for guidance and support while making sure this relationship you guys have is built on mutual things, respect and understanding.

“I.. think we should be honest with him when the time is right.”

Misty Quigley:

Misty would be ecstatic about the situation, mostly because it gave her an excuse to interact with Coach Ben even more. She'd see it as a great opportunity to get a good impression from him while she's also pursuing her feelings for you, It's like killing two birds with one stone!

Misty would go above and beyond to win your uncle over, possibly overstepping boundaries while at it too. She would be so overly eager to prove herself worthy of you that you couldn't be able to tell if it was cute or kinda scary of her to be this determined about it.

“Do you think Coach Ben likes me? What, I'm trying to make a good impression for us!”

[ador3him]

Sooo if I just start dumping brain rots here, I hope you don't mind. I need a distraction from worrying over work and losing sleep. And I figured why not share the thoughts so you can feel free to elaborate!

I loved when ppl would do the dad!dream team head cannons. But here's me with my insanely dirty mind going, yeah all 3 of these boys def have breeding kinks. But I feel like it would manifest in different ways based off their personalities.

Dream:

- I feel like he is the type of bf to absolutely spoil tf outta his partner. He just wants to keep you happy and support you in achieving your dreams. He's so thankful to have you, constantly worrying he'll lose you. Definitely gives me the vibes he would propose quickly, like 3 yrs max into your relationship, bc of it. He KNEW you were HIS! Like possessive but in a good way (but more on that in a few)

- Definitely teases you every time you need to refill your birth control... Like you complain about having to call and refill the prescription and he just goes "Or you could just not😏" "Oh you wish," you roll your eyes in response.

- or if you have an IUD or implant and you need to get it replaced and you're freaking out about the pain. Of course he wouldn't want you to endure that! Luckily, he has a better alternative idea!

- dream is the type to absolutely go feral on your wedding night. Officially having you as HIS! Yes, youve been intimate before, but this is where his breeding kink really comes into play. Definitely makes it a point call you by his last name at every opportunity.

- SIZE KINK! That man is so tall 🤤 And if it wasn't apparent by him having a series called "manhunt," he loves that he can easily over power you. 

- your place is seated on his lap cockwarming him while he works

- I could see dream wanting a bigger family (3-4 kids) He's so close to his parents and siblings. Plus he has such a big heart. Having his own kids with you is a dream come true.

- they say that animals can tell when you're expecting. So of course, Miss Patches is the first to know about her new sibling. She's actually how you found out! One morning, you wake up to Patches laying on your stomach purring. She proceeds to follow you around the house, never leaving your side. She's lovey, but usually never this clingy. When you proceed to get sick later on bc of a bad taste or smell, you and Dream start to put the pieces together. Your suspicions come true when you both are starring down at the positive test in your hands.

- patches is your best buddy throughout your pregnancy. You can expected once the baby is born she'd sleep at the foot of the crib. 

- OMG all the crazy baby shower ideas he'd have. He's just crazy excited to share the news with everyone.

- dream would cater to your every demand. He's just so appreciative that you're carrying your baby. He's definitely the type to hold your baby belly to give your back a break. He also low key grateful your sex drive hasnt decreased too much. You'd have to keep him at bay during the last month of your pregnancy if you don't want the baby coming out early 🤣

- singing to your baby bump and his heart exploding every time he feels the baby kick

- he holds your hand the entire time you're in the hospital. He's so scared for you. He won't leave your side, constantly making sure u have whatever you need, even if it requires bribing the nurses /j

- he's SO SO proud of you! The sight of his partner and baby melts his heart! Omfg definitely has a little striped (blue or pink) cat beanie for the hospital.

- he is the type to take you and the kids on different family trips like to see football games and the beach.

Sapnap:

- he's definitely more the reserved type. Doesn't want to rush into things you arent ready for. But don't let him deceive you, he fantasizes about you pregnant in a sundress, with your swollen belly and tits, regularly.

- once you both decide it's the right time, there is no stopping the beast. It's his fucking mission to breed you multiple times a day

- that being said, he downloaded a app to track your ovulation cycle. Whenever he gets a notification, he immediately drops what he's doing and is on you in an instant

- sure Sap is on the shorter side, but he is still taller than you. And sure as heck broader. Again is the type to love that he can easily manhandle you

- again Milo and Naomi are the first to know and are your cuddle buddies

-also gives the vibe of wanting a bigger family (3-5). Also googled what a group of pandas is called, an embarrassment, a cupboard, or a bamboo. 

-will also spoil the crap out of you and the baby.

-he gives the vibes of construction dad. Like already putting up the fence and swing set in the yard and the kid isn't even born yet. But this is very useful during your nesting phase, so your house gets a make over

-loves setting up the nursery with you and picking out baby clothes and stuffed animals 

-he gives the vibes that he would enjoy going to like those couples birthing exercise classes with you. Like you both get a little workout and get to socialize with other couples (That's so random but it makes sense to my brain)

-scared asf when you go into labor. Panic mode activated! He gives the vibes where you wouldn't know if the doctor is giving breathing instructions to you or him. He would fight anyone who pissed you off tho. Full papa bear mode, just wanting to protect you. But it's all worth it when you and the baby turn out fine! 

-Will definitely ask the doctor when you can get pregnant again

-Dad bod.... Yup, no explanation needed. 

-he would be the coach of his kids sports teams. You will be the mini van parent. He's constantly playing with them outside. Definitely a road trip dad.

-would love doing his little girl's hair.

George:

-breeding kink goes brrrr. He would be such a dilf omfg 🤤

-even more reserved relationship wise. Doesn't want to rush anything. Just wants to appreciate your relationship. Not showy of your relationship either.

-you wait to have kids for a while after being married. You have to figure out if you'll live in the US or UK.

-that doesn't mean however that your sex life is boring. If anything it's polar opposite and you're surprised you didn't end up accidentally having kids sooner. Especially with George loving to mark you as his

-whether it's constantly having his hand on you whenever your out, the constant array of hickeys on the two of you, or the fact his cum is almost always buried in you. There is no doubt in your mind that your only HIS.

-george gives cuddle sex vibes. Like cock warming and somnophilia are 2 things up his alley.

-im tired of the George is short slander! That boy is lanky! And he can definitely put you in your place! He loves that if you're on the smaller side he can encompass you. And if you're taller, he loves that you submit to him.

-He gives me the vibes that one day he will just decide to wisk you away somewhere for a month long vacation and you aren't coming back without a baby in you.

-He gives me the vibes of being a dad of twins. Will tease you that you're such a fertile couple he put 2 kids in you, and that you'd have to be careful not to have more.

-As soon as he finds out you're expecting, he goes into research mode. Definitely reading books on what is best for you to eat to avoid nausea and he cooks for you. Just wants to make sure you are taken care of.

- Definitely tries all your weird pregnancy cravings with you

- cuddles constantly. He would love talking to your belly and would rub your back and feet for you. He holds your hair back and rubs your back when you're sick. The pure joy on his face when he feels the baby kicks. So protective of you too! No one is coming near you. Him and you keep your relationship private and your pregnancy a secret til the babies are born.

- OBSESSED with your pregnant body. Worships it. Like if you're ever insecure, he can't fathom it. Makes his point to prove just how much he loves it😉

- side bar, man definitely has a lactation kink

- he doesn't want you to be worried at all and you both do a lot of research. So when you go into labor, George is your number one supporter. Gets you all your favorite foods so you aren't hungry when u can't eat. Holds your hand during your entire C-section, kissing all over your face and constantly telling you how much he loves you.

- when both babies arrive, you both are holding them, cuddled up on the hospital bed. He feels like his life purpose is complete. He is in awe of your strength and how tiny the babies are. Will make sure to count all their fingers and toes and fuss over every little hair on their heads.

- when it's just the two of you in the room, you cuddle and take a well needed food break and fall asleep together.

- he would be the one to check on the kids at night to let you sleep

- he's so smart so he'd be the best to help with homework. And you bet the kids are carbon copies of him!

Okay that's my rant.... I have to try and sleep now bc work 😴 have a good day!

omg I'm obsessed with this. little points I wanna expand on.

SAPNAPS DAD BOD IS SO REAL HE WOULD OMG. AND THE CONSTRUCTION THING!!! he would totally build a tree house or clubhouse for your kids.

GEORGE AND YOUR KIDS WOULD BE HIM. His brown, thick hair would be the main thing they got along with his pale ass skin. And the way he would be so protective of you and your kids. He would def not show you or your kids until it was like really serious and your kids are born. He would blur out your kids faces though and only refer to the kids as nicknames not their real name.

Dream would be obsessed with breeding, on your wedding night he could barely make it to your hotel room. He'd def research beforehand to know the best positions for impregnating you. And he for sure have mini cat hats ready for your baby when they're born with their name embroidered into it.

[zais-zafu]

things I manifested through subs I started creating

I wanted to create a master list for all that I manifested but Idt that's possible cos we manifest all the time + I manifest a lot of things per day/week, so here's just what I got out of my own subs over time!

(yt channel link)

okay so far, I created these subs + results:

° dad does what I want sub

at first I dreamt about dad a few times & in my dreams he reflected back my affirmations + now he is much kinder, generous, and loving too <3 now it's been a while since that and it is so funny how the old story just switched (I even low-key forgot how dad was like before). my dad really conformed to what I affirmed for that now he's the least of my problems + someone I feel safe with and loved by

° perfect lips sub

my lips are much fuller and vibrant, actually they are kinda tearing up bc of how much larger they got lol (they're healing fast tho so dw + I think they're just a lil chapped cos of the heat & some dehydration) & as an update they healed and I am in love with them now, they compliment my face perfectly!!

° best driver sub

I got my license (even when I really gave and asked dad to lemme drop and was sooo done with lmao)

° hairless sub

I listen to it every once in a while and it is nice to see how my whole body is losing hair and really looks hairless (probs lost like 50% of my hair in the 3d)

° 'your life is perfect' repeated 100k+ times sub

this is one of my favourite subs cos it was a start of a new era when it came to how I formulate my subs. I got such a shock when I first listen to it and it is an umbrella aff so I can't exactly provide results but I feel grateful, peaceful + I see much more beauty, opportunities, and fun in my life!

° 'I / you are perfect' repeated 500k+ times sub

this sub is crazy! I remember I woke up, ran some errands, then created it and listened to it for like 4 times then I got SO sleepy like my mind was super tired even tho I jusy started my day (probs cos of the amount of affirmations like it is that powerful!). ever since I started listening to it I have become so aware of myself and changed a lot on the inside (I think my ego died a lil lol). I really feel much happier with myself in a way that is detached from my ego :)

(ofc these subs are not the only way I practice the law but subs are one my main ones so I hope you felt motivated by these results!)

[farfromstrange]

Do No Harm

CHAPTER SEVEN: Downward Spiral

Masterlist | Series Masterlist

Pairing: Matt Murdock x F!Reader

Summary: After agreeing to go on a date with Matt, you start realizing the weight of your decision, and your thoughts begin spiraling. In a moment of need, you turn to the only close friend you have in Hell's Kitchen, hoping she can pull you away from the edge of the very steep cliff your trauma is trying to throw you into.

Warnings for this chapter: ANGST (the caps feel appropriate here), mentions of domestic violence, suicidal thoughts, allusions to a suicide attempt, allusions to sexual assault, mentions of being taken advantage of by a superior, (I guess you could say) mentions of hypersexuality, self-loathing, PTSD, some foreshadowing, mental breakdown, alcohol, Season 1 related plot (spoilers)

Word Count: 6.4k

A/n: Surprise! I'm posting early because I'm going to see my family this weekend, and after I had an epiphany at two in the morning and spent 3 days writing this, I got it done, and I'm actually quite proud of this (or maybe it's the caffeine). Anyway, heed the warnings because the topics of conversation in this are pretty dark. That's why I highlighted the angst. And if you haven't watched past episode 1 of Season 1, this might spoil some things for you. (Also, I have no idea how this turned into a beast with a word count over 6k. Sorry in advance.)

Read Chapter 7: Downward Spiral here on AO3

You don’t know what came over you.

You typed in Matt’s number in a moment of weakness, and once you heard his voice through the line, you gave up on being careful. You gave up on denying yourself what you’re so desperately craving, and you abandoned all rational thought.

For him.

You promised not to get attached to someone ever again—let alone a man. You started a new life in Hell’s Kitchen to find your way back to normalcy. You took all the necessary precautions, and even though you look back at the shreds of your old life every day, you are never going back.

Two years. That is the longest you have managed to stay in one place ever since you left California. But you still haven’t found your way back into the real world.

You have been guarding yourself, afraid of having your heart broken, afraid of losing this chance at a new life, and afraid of the man who ruined you. 

Every time you close your eyes, you see his face. You hear his voice in the back of your mind. He’s everywhere, even when you don’t want him to be. 

It’s easier to put a wall between yourself and everyone else. A wall no one can break through, not even yourself. You trapped your soul for the sole purpose of keeping yourself alive after you made the hardest decision of your life. When you ran, you believed your life was over, but you have always been too much of a coward to end your misery. God knows you’ve tried, but even a trained doctor can’t fully understand death, and some things just don’t work out the way we want them to. 

Drunken one-night stands can’t possibly compare to a meaningful emotional connection, but they satisfy the need for physical intimacy. At least for a little while. It killed you; slowly, almost pathetically, but sleeping with strangers in dirty motel rooms did a better job than you ever could. 

For the longest time, you used sex as a coping mechanism. You let strange men use you because that is the only way you know how to be with someone else. You let them hurt you to feel something, anything because pain is better than feeling nothing at all. But when you finally got settled in Hell’s Kitchen, thanks to Claire, you stopped. 

You locked up your heart and threw away the key. You started to shield your body the same way you have shielded your soul. You retreated into a shell of restlessness and constant fear of every little sliver of hope you feel being taken away from you. 

You have nowhere else to run, which is why keeping a low profile is so important to you, but after two years, don’t you deserve to finally live? 

We don’t exist to just survive; we exist to live the life we were given. You are Olivia Clarke now, not the broken girl you left behind, but every time you think about it, his voice returns and backs you into a corner that you can’t escape from. 

Every time you see the scars on your body, all you want to do is rip the skin off your bones and feed it to the dogs. 

The men you slept with while you were running from your past saw you as a mere object, and you are used to being seen that way, but it was isolating nonetheless. They didn’t care about your scars, they only cared about what you could give them. They treated you like he did without lifting a finger. 

Even though you don’t do that anymore, it still weighs heavy on your wounded soul. 

Matt treats you like a person. He can’t physically see, but he still sees you. He sees you in a way no one has ever seen you before. And he is gentle, and patient, and—

You scream into your pillow. Your nose still hurts, but it is nothing compared to how fast your heart is beating. 

To you, Matt is perfect. You know that no one can be perfect, and you should be careful, but he makes you feel things you have long denied yourself. He makes you feel wanted. Desired. Like you can be yourself around him and still be worthy of his attention. Like you matter. And he has a certain way of being around you that makes you feel protected, almost. 

You don’t need protection. You have made it this far without a bodyguard by your side. You know how to fight your own battles better than most, but you can’t deny that you wouldn’t mind being saved by him. 

You wouldn’t mind those hands he always wraps around his cane to wrap around you instead. He can’t see your scars, but he can feel them, and as terrifying as that thought sounds, it also excites you. 

You’re treading dangerous territory, but God, he won’t leave you alone, not even when you’re trying to sleep. He could offer you a sense of normal that you have long missed. He could teach you how to be a person again. And maybe, just maybe, you could let yourself be cared for by him. 

You roll back onto your back when you need to breathe, one of your hairs getting stuck to your lip. You let out an annoyed huff. There won’t be much sleeping tonight, you’re sure. Not when you keep thinking about tomorrow.

“You’re not fifteen anymore,” you mutter to yourself. “What is wrong with you? God!”

It’s almost too surreal to believe that this magnetic force of a man managed to retrieve some of your long-lost hope, and he only had to call you beautiful once for you to be completely smitten. 

When he allowed you to take care of his injuries on the first day you met, you didn’t think a person could be this guarded yet so vulnerable at the same time. He’s breaking under an invisible weight that must have been on his shoulders for years, maybe even decades. You’re painfully aware of other people’s feelings, and it wasn’t hard to tell that Matt carries a lot of unresolved pain with him. Always. He reminds you so much of yourself, it’s like staring into a mirror. Two broken halves of a whole. 

Your thoughts won’t stand still, no matter how hard you try. You’re stuck inside an invisible hourglass. Not even heaven knows what will happen once time runs out. You don’t understand why you’re overthinking this while, at the same time, knowing exactly why. And you hate it. 

There is a part of you that you can never get back. A little girl who grew up too fast. A girl who didn’t know any better. A broken teenager who wanted nothing more than to escape and live a better life than her parents could ever give her, and when she did manage to escape one hell, she found herself in a new quarter of purgatory built just for you.

You used to think that maybe you just bring the worst out in people, but after seeing the worst of humanity outside of your broken relationships, too, you’re not so sure about that anymore.

The fact that you don’t understand why you can’t stop your usually so intelligent brain from spinning out of control makes you want to claw at the walls of your apartment that threaten to cave in on you.

Part of you wants nothing more than to run and never look back, but you can’t run forever. This time, you wouldn’t be running from the Devil; you would be running from a fear of your own feelings. Human feelings. Feelings that have a high likelihood of recurring, and then you will have to run again. 

You can’t run from reality forever. It’s a different reality now, but it’s a better reality. That is a rational thought, but being rational currently has no place in your mind, so you’re spiraling, and all because a nice guy asked you out for coffee. 

You find yourself in a cab a few minutes later, wearing a pair of sweatpants, and an oversized shirt, with an untouched bottle of wine in your bag. Your worn-down sneakers are not the appropriate footwear for today’s weather, but you couldn’t be bothered to pick another pair. 

You’re aware that it’s late and maybe you should have texted, but you’re already here, and Claire told you that you could always come to her, even if it happens to be the middle of the night. If the rule still stands after she suddenly decided to stay at your co-worker’s place without a proper explanation, you’re not quite sure though. 

You knock. At first, no response. You knock again. The floorboards creak on the other side of the door. 

“Claire, it’s Liv,” you call out.

You can hear the exact moment the person inside the apartment starts to panic. The floorboards creak again, more frequent this time, and it sounds almost as if Claire is turning the room upside down. You raise your eyebrows. 

Before you can knock again, the lock finally clicks, and she opens the door. She’s more of a mess than you are, and that is put lightly.

“It’s the middle of the night,” Claire greets you. “What are you doing here?”

You blink a few times. “Hello to you too?”

She sighs. “I didn’t mean—I’m sorry, it’s just been a long night.”

“I can see that,” you answer. “Are you alright?”

“I could ask you the same thing.” She looks you up and down. “What happened to your nose?”

“It’s a long story.”

“No shit.”

“Yeah. Can I, uh, come in?”

She hesitates before stepping aside to let you in. “Sure.”

You take a quick look around the apartment. Nothing seems out of place. A bowl of cat food stands in the corner by the kitchen. The window in the living room is open, but it seems intentional. 

The scent of antiseptic lingers in the air. You’re not sure if your nose is betraying you as you breathe in, but the smell is familiar. Bandages, disinfectant, and salve. You don’t want to question it, but you can’t help it. 

“Did you hurt yourself?” you ask. 

Claire blows her nose behind you. If you didn’t know better, you would think she was actually sick. She shakes her head upon hearing your question, but there is a faint blush on her cheeks. 

“What makes you think that?” she retorts. 

“Oh, no particular reason. It just smells very… hospital-y. That’s why I asked.”

“I, uh, I had to put a bandage on my leg earlier ‘cause this stupid cat decided to scratch me after peeing everywhere.” She sniffs. “Had to clean the wound, that thing—“ she nods toward the cat sitting in the cat tree, “and then the apartment. Maybe that’s why.” 

You follow her gaze toward the little furball resting on his cat tree. You approach him, but Claire seems less pleased at the prospect. 

“Be careful. He’s pissed.”

“At you,” you correct her. “Also, you’re having an allergic reaction, and—if he really, honest-to-God scratched you—very probably an infection. Why are you even staying here?”

Your voice rises in pitch when you reach the sleeping cat. “Hello, you.” You stroke his fur. He only opens one eye to sniff you, but once he recognizes you, he starts purring. For a moment, you forget the reason why you even came here. 

Claire exhales loudly. She scratches her neck, her skin threatening to break out into hives. “It’s a long story,” she says. 

You glare at her over your shoulder, your hand still stroking up and down the cat’s back as he settles back into a deep sleep. “I’m worried about you."

“That’s sweet of you, but I’m fine.”

“You called out of work and told Shelly you were sick.” You straighten up and turn back to face her. “You’re not sick, Claire.”

She sniffs as if to prove her point.

“Your immune system is overreacting by producing Immunoglobulin E. The antibodies are traveling to the cells responsible for releasing chemicals into your body, causing you to get a stuffy nose and break out into hives. You’re not sick. You’re allergic to cats and sharing an apartment with one. There’s a big difference,” you state. “Look, I know it’s none of my business, but you have to admit that, from where I’m standing, your behavior looks a little suspicious.”

“I’m going through some shit, alright?” she says. “And it’s a lot easier to deal with them here than back at my place. That’s why I called in sick.”

You don’t know what to make of her answer. It’s vague. You don’t like vague answers because they often indicate a bigger problem. It is one thing for you to deal with your demons on your own and refuse to talk about it with your best friend; it’s another thing entirely to keep a dangerous truth from the person you’re closest with, one that could potentially lead to worse consequences. If Claire were a naturally secretive person, maybe you would understand, but she isn’t like that. She isn’t you. 

She’s the only person who knows your entire story. She saved your life. You can’t imagine her keeping secrets from you that might end up hurting her. 

You dare to ask, “Are you in danger?”

She shakes her head a little too fast. “I’m fine, Liv. Really.”

“I’m sorry, but I have a hard time believing that.”

“It’s…personal.”

“Personal? Oh, my. Are you sleeping with Luke again?”

Claire stammers. The look on her face suggests that she didn’t expect you to jump to that conclusion. “What? How did you even–”

“Are you?” you repeat your question. 

The last time she slept with Luke Cage, she lied to you about it. She knew you would worry. It’s only natural for you to come to that conclusion now. Except that Luke is in prison, serving his sentence, and it doesn’t make sense. 

“How would I sleep with an incarcerated man?” Claire deadpans. 

“I’m sure you have your ways,” you say. 

“You’re grasping at straws.”

“That’s… true, but it’s coming from a place of love.”

She responds with a sigh. “I don’t wanna fight.”

You join in. You exhale, slowly lowering yourself down on the couch. “I’m sorry,” you murmur. “Just tell me you’re okay, please.”

She offers you a gentle smile. “I’m okay,” she says. 

“Thank you.” 

You choose to believe her. For the time being, at least. 

The silence tugs at your brain cells. You obsessed over Claire’s situation because you didn’t want to face your own, but now that your thoughts have regained the freedom to roam and cause irreversible destruction, you start spiraling again. 

You reach into your bag. 

“You brought wine,” Claire points out. 

“Yep,” you say. The bottle weighs heavily in your hand.

“You need a glass?”

You unscrew the top. “No.”

She doesn’t listen. Claire makes her way into the kitchen, reaching for the wine glasses in the cupboard. “Does this have anything to do with why your nose is all blue and swollen?” 

You shake your head at her question. “That was a patient I tried to sedate. No, I, uh… I have a date,” your voice falls flat. 

The wine glasses move back into the cupboard. Claire turns around, her eyebrows moving up to her hairline. “Come again?”

“I have a date.”

Saying it out loud makes it real. Something so surreal cannot be real, but it is. You have a date with Matt Murdock. Your heart begins racing again, and you feel the same desperate urge to scream into the nearest pillow again. 

You take a sip of wine straight from the bottle. You have a date with a nice man who, for the first time in two years, made you see some resemblance of light at the end of this endless tunnel of despair, and the thought alone is terrifying. Because how are you supposed to live after just existing for the longest time? After you dedicated your life to the act of survival?

Claire steps out of the kitchen and in front of you. “Liv, that’s… that’s amazing!” she says. She sounds like a proud mother. Maybe she is. 

You want to shake your head, but you can’t find it in yourself to do anything other than put the bottle back against your lips and take another sip. The alcohol burns down your esophagus into your stomach, spreading a warm feeling through your fragile body, and into your broken soul. 

“Or not,” she corrects herself upon seeing the expression you’re carrying. Your eyes are empty. “I’m confused,” She pauses, “Are we not happy about the fact that you’ve finally got a date after two years of being miserable?”

If she puts it like that, you feel even more miserable. Another sip of wine finds its way down your throat. 

“Okay, maybe you should put the bottle down. I’m sorry if I said something wrong–”

“It’s not you, it’s me.” You put the bottle down. 

Claire sits down next to you, but you get up before she can take your hand and look at you with that caring look she always gives you when she’s worried. You’re not even mad that she played your concerns down when you expressed them and now she is expressing concerns about you; you’re mad at yourself. 

She watches you. “You have a date. That’s a good thing. It means you allowed yourself to finally say yes to someone interested in you, right?”

“No,” you shake your head. 

“Why not?”

“Because.”

“That’s not an answer.”

You’re pacing over the creaky floorboards. “The last time I went on a date with someone was after my intern year.”

Her gaze softens. “You told me that,” she murmurs. 

“He took me to a restaurant,” you tell her. Your lip quivers as you speak, and your nails dig into your palms until they draw blood. You can barely feel it. His face is right in front of you. “It was a nice restaurant. He paid for me, even offered me his jacket while we were walking home. It was the best date I ever had. And then he kissed me on the doorstep before wishing me a good night.”

“I know. You told me all of that before. But you couldn’t have known that he would turn out to be who he turned out to be. He was your boss. He had no right—”

“That is precisely the problem, Claire!” your voice breaks. “The guy I met, he’s… his name is Matthew. He’s… he is so nice to me. He cares. He treats me like a human being. He… he’s respectful. He called me beautiful. I don’t even know how he knows that. He just… he was so nice to me, and I feel so comfortable around him. I haven’t felt this comfortable around a man in so long. I… I wanted to go out with him. I flirted with him, for fuck’s sake! And when I’m with him, I finally feel wanted again.”

“But you know who else was nice to me when I first met him?” you say. “Who was respectful? Who said I was the only real thing in this world, the only important thing in his life, and that he loved me? You know who made me feel safe and wanted, and who said he cared about me? John said that I was the most beautiful woman on this planet, and I fell for it because he was nice to me. He–”

“But that guy isn’t John,” Claire cuts you off. She raises her voice only slightly—only enough to make you stop and stare at her, tears streaming down your cheeks. You’re miserable. You’re a mess. It is truly embarrassing. But she doesn’t look at you any differently.

“Don’t you think I know that?” you snap back. 

“Liv–”

“Every time I close my eyes, I see his face. I’m 32, and I can’t sleep without a nightlight most nights because I wake up in a cold sweat. I can’t drop a glass without going into shock. I can’t look in the mirror without feeling his hands on me. Without feeling disgusting and worthless, and…” You can feel the shiver traveling up your spine from the thought alone. “I can’t exist without feeling like he should have killed me when he got the chance.” 

“Liv, I know you’re upset, but please, don’t say that,” Claire says, her voice gentle yet assertive.

“Why? It’s true. I wish he would’ve killed me. He took four years of my life that I can never get back. At least if he’d killed me I wouldn’t have to suffer now.”

“That’s exactly why I don’t want you saying things like that.”

“You don’t get it,” you say. “Every time I look in the mirror, I want to vomit because I see what he made of me. I can’t even meet a nice guy and allow myself to like him without seeing his face and hearing his stupid voice in my ear, telling me—telling me that no one will ever love me, that he tainted me, and that I will never be free of him because I can’t exist without him.” You break into a sob. 

“And he was right, you know,” you cry. “I ran from him. I made the hardest decision of my life after years of living in his shadow, and I almost died. Because of him, I can’t trust a kind and respectful man who treats me like a person to actually be kind, and I recoil at the thought of someone being gentle with me. Something is seriously broken inside of me, Claire. Very, very broken.”

Claire opens her mouth, but all she can do is bear your tirade. She knows that if she speaks now, you will find another reason to shut her down. This is your pain talking. It’s a powerful avalanche set out to cause destruction on a global scale.

“With Matt, I—” you exhale. “I was myself around him for the first time since I ran away, and he didn’t shy away. I had hope, Claire. I felt like I could finally step into normal life again after settling down here, and I thought I’d have a chance,” you say. “But I just have to close my eyes, and John is right there to ruin everything for me. He is always right there, and I can’t fucking escape him. That’s the problem. That’s why I can’t be happy about this date because I’m fucking terrified. I can’t go through this again. I—I can’t give myself to someone again because there is hardly anything left of me. He took everything, including my ability to love another man ever again, and that thought is fucking with my head.”

You fall silent. The tears continue running down your cheeks, and you bury your face in your hands. Your knees are so weak. You don’t have it in you to hold yourself up any longer. You drop to the carpet, crying into your hands, but you don’t sob. You stay silent because your pain is so great, you don’t know whether to scream or shut down, so you scream internally and shut down from the world around you because you can’t face it. You can’t face Claire. 

The couch creaks. Her feet brush against the carpet. “He abused you,” her voice borders above a whisper. 

She kneels beside you, her hand reaching out—but not touching you. She knows what lines to cross and which to better leave untouched.

“What he did to you wasn’t your fault. He’s a cruel man with cruel intentions.” When you don’t shy away from her proximity, she finally places her hand on your shoulder. “You did the impossible. You survived. You’re here now because you chose to save yourself, and that is so admirable,” she says. “It’s been two years. You’re safe here, you’re not alone anymore, and I know it hurts and it is terrifying, but it’s a good sign that you want to feel more of what this guy made you feel.”

“But I can’t,” you choke out. 

“I know, and I wish I could help you, but I’m not a professional. The truth is, John may have made you feel like there is nothing left of you, but you’re not Olivia Clarke. You’re still you. You’re still…” Claire takes a deep breath before she utters your name. Your real name. The one you were given when you were born. 

The mention of your name makes you shiver. “She’s gone,” you say. “He killed her, but he left her body alive.”

“She’s not gone, she’s just buried very fucking deep. I mean, you said it yourself. You could be yourself around this other guy, and he took you for who you are. That isn’t Olivia, that’s you. And it’s such a good sign that you want to go out with him. That you like him. John hurt you, but he didn’t break you beyond repair. Please, you have to remember that.”

Your tears slowly subside. Her words finally manage to reach your rebelling mind through your ears. Even though everything feels like it has been wrapped in cotton, she manages to get through to you like no one else. It was a subconscious decision to come to her, but perhaps your soul knew something that you didn’t, and you can’t say that opening up didn’t help. 

The mess slowly subsides. Left behind is nothing but hot air, and the words Claire decided to share with you. 

You look up to meet her eyes. She smiles down at you. “I just… I don’t want to feel like this anymore,” you whisper.

“That’s why I think you should go on that date,” she tells you.

“Yeah, but who wants to sign up for a mess like me?”

“Seems like he does. And if he’s a good guy, he’ll like you regardless of your mess.”

“You know it’s not that easy.”

She shrugs. “I hate to break it to you, but you can’t pretend it never happened. And you can’t give John the satisfaction of putting your life on hold because of him. That’s just giving him what he wants.”

“I don’t want to give him what he wants,” you’re quick to answer.

Claire hands you a tissue, and you take it gratefully, wiping your runny nose and the salty tears stuck to your dry skin.

Her words stir something within you; even though you don’t want her to be right, she is. Matt may not deserve a mess like you, but if he’s truly a good guy, it can’t hurt to see if it would work between you. And when your past comes out eventually, there is a chance that he won’t abandon you. A slight chance, but a chance nonetheless. That’s a positive outlook you still have to learn how to adapt.

“C’mon.” Claire helps you off the floor and onto the couch. 

You reach for the bottle of wine instantly, but she takes it away from you. She screws the top back on and places it aside, far out of your desperate reach.

“This is not the answer,” she says, “talking is.”

“Can’t we talk and have wine?” you counter.

“Not when you’re on the verge of a nervous breakdown.”

You sniff, wiping the remaining tears on your cheeks with the tissue. 

“We need to take care of you, and alcohol won’t fix your problems.”

Once again, she isn’t wrong. You let out a defeated sigh before dropping your head in her lap. 

A long time ago, you used to be an affectionate person. The fear of being hurt again, of someone raising their hand against you, took that away from you. With Claire though, it’s different. You know she won’t hurt you. She’s not that kind of person, and you can say that with complete certainty. 

Claire Temple is not a violent human being, except for when the people she loves are in danger, but only then. 

She gently brushes the hair out of your face and crumbles it into a messy bun at the back of your head. She wipes at your nose and the last of your tears before they can dry out your skin more than it already is. The past couple of days have taken an emotional and physical toll on you. 

You wince slightly when you notice how sore your nose is. It isn’t broken, but you still got hit. You’re not quite healed yet. A shiver rolls down your spine. 

Shaking her head, Claire gently removes her hand. “You always get yourself in trouble when I’m not around,” she mutters. 

You scoff softly. “Maybe that’s a sign.”

“A sign for you to be more careful, yeah,” she says. 

“Now, where would be the fun in that?” You try to joke, but your voice falls flat with the weight of your exhaustion. 

Claire offers you a chuckle, but it’s more of a pity laugh than anything else.

You sigh. You know that you’re not an example when it comes to the significance of making the right decisions. Not at all. 

“Did I ever thank you for saving my life?” you ask her then, breaking the silence between you in two.

She leans back against the cushions. “Once or twice.”

“Not nearly enough then.”

“I don’t know about that. I mean, if you hadn’t come into Metro General with your hand in a man’s chest cavity, I wouldn’t have gotten the chance to help you. You chose to stay.”

“Well, I had my hand on his vena cava, so, letting go would have been unfortunate for the poor guy.”

“That’s true.”

“But if you hadn’t disobeyed protocol, risking your job by putting your trust in me, I wouldn’t have had a reason to stay.”

Claire looks down at you, and you meet her eyes. “That sounded a lot like a love confession,” she nudges you.

You roll your eyes playfully. “You wish.”

“Hey, I’d understand it if you were in love with me. I’m hot.”

She never fails to make you laugh, even when you feel like a truck has rolled you over and broken every bone in your body. That is one of the many qualities you value about her. She’s a good person with a good heart, and she is the kind of person you could trust with your life and she would always make sure that you come out on the other side unharmed, mentally and physically. 

If she hadn’t taken you under her wing, you’re not sure where you would be, but it surely wouldn’t be where you are now.

When your laughter quiets down, you nod. “I can’t argue with that. You are hot. If you weren’t my friend,” you say, “I’d ask you out.”

“And if I were into women, I’d say yes,” she says. 

“I appreciate that.”

“Speaking of dates though–” She stops when you sigh a little too loudly. Claire shoots you a stern glare before she continues, “Promise me you won’t cancel.”

It’s not a question, it’s a statement. She wants you to mean it. You won’t lie; canceling your plans with Matt did cross your mind, but after Claire worked her magic on you, you can see a little clearer. The fog that kept your mind clouded has started to lift slowly but steadily. You’re no longer spiraling as fast as you have before. 

If you could wash your hands and wash him off of you, it wouldn’t be as much of a problem as it is, but you’ve tried. You have tried washing all memory of him off of your body, out of your mind, but he’s a resilient son of a bitch. John will always try to drive a wedge between you and a normal, happy life, the question is just if you will allow him to do so without even being near you, or if you will finally allow yourself to crawl out of the dark hole he tossed you into. 

You can’t do it alone, and asking for help is terrifying. You have spent the past two years trying to push through. Unfortunately, your healthy coping mechanisms won’t work forever. 

You sigh again, a little quieter. “I won’t cancel,” you tell her, your voice barely above a whisper, yet still so very certain. As certain as you can be, anyway. 

“Thank you.” Claire reaches for the wine bottle next to the couch. “You deserve to be happy.”

“Hm,” you can only murmur. 

“What?”

“What are you doing with the bottle?” you ask. 

“Drinking,” she says. 

“Now I feel betrayed.”

“You should celebrate the fact that you found a Matt, or whatever his name is, and not another Mike.”

You promptly sit up. “Hold up. Pause. Rewind. Mike, like your ex?”

Claire takes a sip of the bottle. A storm rages behind her hazel eyes. You have never seen her that conflicted before. 

“Is he the personal reason why you’re subjecting yourself to a constant allergic reaction by staying here?” you ask. 

The pieces slowly start falling into place. She nods. “Not Mike Mike, but yeah. It’s always the Mike’s.”

Your jaw drops. “I feel like you skipped some chapters there. You met a guy and you didn’t tell me? What–”

“He met me,” she corrects you. “I didn’t tell you because we’re not a thing. Let’s just say there’s a reason his name is Mike. That’s why I’m here.”

Claire takes another sip. You watch her closely, trying to catch her in a lie, but it seems like she’s telling the truth—or a version of the actual truth, but that still makes it true. She’s giving you as much as she can after you cried your eyes out to her. 

You clear your throat, lowering your voice. “But you’re not in danger?” you ask to clarify. 

She shakes her head. “I just have shitty taste in men, even if it's platonic, apparently. It’s like… I’m trying to exist, and then I find a stray cat in a dumpster, but the stray cat has been stabbed and needs medical attention.”

“But you’re allergic to cats and you’re not a vet?” you try to make sense of her analogy. 

When she lets out a sigh and nods, you figure you came as close as possible. It still doesn’t make sense to you, but when does anything? At least when it comes to romance and people’s love lives.

You decide to push a little more, “Did you actually find an injured guy in a dumpster?” 

She shakes her head. The reaction comes a little fast, but you don’t question it. “No, that–that was just an analogy,” Claire says. 

“And Mike is the stray cat in that analogy? But not your Mike, another Mike?”

“Yeah.”

“Dude, you’re frying my brain cells.”

“The single one you still have, or did you buy new ones?”

You try not to laugh, trying to look like you are genuinely offended, but your lips still curl up into a smile. “Shut up,” you mutter. You reach for the bottle, against better judgment, and take a sip.

Claire shakes her head. “What I’m trying to tell you is that, if he’s a good guy, you can’t let him slip away. You can’t let a good thing slip away and possibly end up with a–a Mike kinda guy for the rest of your life.”

“I know.” You look down at your hands, your broken fingernails, and sore knuckles from the constant scrubbing. “I just wish I could understand what he’s doing to me without questioning my entire existence.”

“Some people are just that enigmatic,” and she sounds as if she knows exactly what she’s talking about. 

You wonder about Mike. Not her ex-boyfriend but the one she mentioned. He sounds like he has no sense of self-preservation, and he may not even be a good influence. He reminds you of yourself, and that’s creepy—you don’t even know him. 

And then there is Matt, who is also so eerily similar to you, but in different ways. It’s more of an emotional connection. His heart is in the right place. And unlike the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen, he doesn’t have a savior complex.

Why did he even come to your mind? His existence should not be playing into the equation. You brush the picture of his chiseled chest in that tight shirt away, or the way he looked even more dangerous with that smirk below the the mask. 

You hand the wine bottle back to Claire. If you don’t cut yourself off now, you will melt into a puddle of embarrassment. 

Your focus should be on Matt and Matt alone. You have to try. Claire was right. You can’t sacrifice your happiness because you’re scared—you can’t give the man who dedicated his life to breaking you and your confidence down the satisfaction of cowering in fear every time a man shows an interest in you. A good man. A man who could make you happier than he ever had. 

You won’t run this time. You will face the situation head-on. You owe that much to the little girl who dreamed of a life beyond the hell she grew up in, the same girl who was obsessed with finding her soulmate and still believed in true love. Above everyone, you owe it to yourself. No one else matters quite as much as you do. 

And for the sake of seeing what could be instead of wondering what could have been, you have to try.

Tag List: @shiorimakibawrites @allllium @siampie @auroraslibrary @roseallisonparker @abucketofweird @thatonegamefish @capylore @kniselle @sumo-b98 @peachstarliight @danzer8705 @kakamixo @littlehappyperson @atemydadforbreakfast @stevenknightmarc @zheezs14 @shouldbestudying41 @kiwwia-wiwwia

[alloveydovey]

Blah blah, dramas of this month. This is the ACTUAL month of rewatch lol.

It’s Okay, That’s Love, 2014 (kdrama) 8.5

A psychiatrist who has issues getting intimate in her relationships meets a flirty famous author who might have a lot more issues than he lets on.

Okay, so, mixed feelings. It's very different from what I've seen before, so that's a good thing. It took me a while to get into it because I didn't like the secondary characters that much. One of them is 28 and is after a high schooler, and the other one has a whole family somewhere but lives with FL, ML, and the dude in love with the teenager-- and like? He's also in a weird relationship with his ex-wife. Maybe I can't take complex characters cause what is this man doing with his life? Or maybe that's part of the theme of this drama. What are we all doing? lmao, anyway. It's more adultish, and it deals with mental health. Zo In Sung and Gong Hyo Jin are great, their acting very natural, and their chemistry is fire. It did take me a while to end it, sooo... I don't know. I'm still not sure how to rate it. Overall good, though.

One Spring Night, 2019 (kdrama) (rewatch!) 9 ⭐

A librarian meets a pharmacist. She’s already in a relationship, and he has a kid outside of wedlock.

I guess this is where cultural differences collide. This drama would make absolutely no sense where I'm from. ML is a father whose girlfriend runaway after having the child... ok? Single parents (even young ones) are a common thing where I'm from. FL breaks up with her boyfriend, but he, her father, and his ex's father as well don't seem to get the memo and insist on a wedding... absolutely insane. I do get it, though. I get that in their culture, such things (maybe a little hyperbolic) happen, so I forego the cultural contrast and absolutely adore this drama. It's one of my favorites. And not just because of Jung Hae In (although, yeah, he was the reason I watched it the first time lol). The whole cast is amazing, you hate almost every man in it, but the women... the women are so worth it. Hae Ji Min is such an amazing and realistic FL. And the comfort... It's one of those cozy dramas perfect for watching every once in a while. Even the repetitive songs hit differently.

Because This is My First Life (kdrama) (rewatch!) 9

FL loses her job and on top of that doesn’t have where to live. ML wants monthly rent to keep up with his mortgage. A wedding contract ensues.

This is probably my favorite marriage contract/fake relationship drama. Also, the softest FL and ML ever. Even with their awkwardness, Jung So Min (I loooooove her) and Lee Min Ki manage to grasp you. My only two cons are the ending and one of the secondary couples. The unnecessary, always present separation between FL and ML. Sometimes it makes sense, sometimes it doesn't. I feel like it might have made sense here, but at the same time it was one of the separations I hated most. Happy ending, though, so yay. I loved the girl with the bra problem and the sentimental boss, they were badass. But yeah, I hated the other secondary couple that broke up and made up over and over again. Extra notes: It was the first drama I saved music from lol.

Boys Over Flowers, 2009 (kdrama) (rewatch!) 7.5

Jan Di gets a scholarship at a rich kids' school and stands up to the F4, a group of popular guys who love to bully the shit out of everyone who they dim as bothersome.

I watched BoF when I was fourteen, and to be honest, I didn't remember much other than the fact that it wouldn't be one of those dramas I'd rewatch again. Well, let's ignore the fact that I'm here watching it again lol. I’m into 00s dramas lately, they’re kind of addictive so I had to re-check this one.

I didn’t remember Joon Pyo being so soft. I mean, still a menace to society, yes, but I think my mind got stuck with the first episodes and I low-key forgot that he actually falls for Jan Di way earlier in the drama and that he's just a caricaturized dumbass. And as for our FL, she could be a pain in the ass, but Jan Di could also be pretty fucking badass. Obviously the drama is way outdated, an adaptation from an even more outdated manga, and has a million red flags. Outside of that, I didn't think I'd be able to rewatch it. It gets extremely annoying at one point, but maybe the nostalgia won me over, and I low-key mostly enjoyed this. Extra notes: One of my favorite secondary couples/ Fuck Ji Hoo I never liked him lol.

Love in Contract, 2022 (kdrama) 8

FL works as a wife for hire. In between various clients, she’s had a consistent one for the past 5 years, a quiet and awkward man who she doesn’t know much about. Now, when she decides to retire, she has doubts about how to approach the end of their business relationship (fake marriage) with her longest and favorite husband/client.

I should stop reading drama reviews before watching them cause, unlike everyone else apparently, I enjoyed this drama a lot. Sure, it’s not perfect, but it’s far from being bad. The chemistry between Park Min Young and Go Kyung Pyo is everything. It also has an openly gay character who is possibly my new favorite character ever. It does drag at the end, but I don't think it diminishes the rating of the drama.

A Piece of Your Mind, 2020 (kdrama) 8.5

ML is trying to capture the personality of the woman he loves (but hasn’t seen in years) inside a device he invented. A classical music recording engineer ends up connecting with that same woman, and they both meet in— spoiler.

I admit I still haven’t finished this one but I’m really into it. Great story, great visuals, great OST. It’s a slow drama, but I feel like it’s meant to immerse you in its little melodrama world. It's both heartbreaking and comforting at the same time. Apparently, it has a low rating, and I can understand why it might be that way because it's a soft drama, but I absolutely adore it. Jung Hae In never disappoints. Also, Chae Soo Bin might be becoming one of my favorite Korean actresses.

Rich Man, Poor Woman, 2012 (jdrama) 8

Poor Woman is restlessly looking for a job and ends up working for the project of Rich Man’s company. Poor woman likes Rich Man. Rich Man is bratty and in serious need of social skills. However, fire chemistry ensues.

This drama was a surprise, for sure. The chemistry between the leads is amazing (old rom-com style), and the storyline itself, though sometimes focusing a little too much on the company and the partners-turned-rivals, is quite capturing. I did wish that it could concentrate a little more on the two leads and their romance since they were great together. I usually hate when dramas have their leads get together in the last episode (jdramas do this so much man) but here... well, I hated it, but it's okay cause they were cute af. (Also there’s a follow up movie apparently).

Haven't finished yet and don't know if I will ⬇️

Amidst a Snowstorm of Love, 2024 (cdrama) 8

ML falls in love at first sight with a girl in Finland. She plays billiard which is coincidentally the sport he gave up.

I have a lot of mixed feelings here because, yes, this is extremely romantic, which is what I always look for. The chemistry absolutely takes the cake, and the actors deal with it incredibly well. But... For me, love at first sight lacks substance. I rarely like it, and here, it felt like she liked him because he was good-looking and attentive (sometimes a bit too much... like back off, she's not a kid), and he liked her because... he just did. She obviously had great qualities but, yeah, I don’t know. I need a little friction to enjoy a good romantic drama. Also, it's not important, but I don't like billiards, so a lot of this was a bit boring for me. The writing felt also a bit off.

I might finish it because the characters and setting are interesting enough. Romance is cute and seems promising as well.

My Boss, 2024 (cdrama) 7

An inexperienced lawyer ends up sharing a flat with her boss after they accidentally rent the same place. Both are complete opposites.

This is actually from January, but I tried seeing if I'd be able to finish it now and still no. Back then I was looking forward to this one cause it seemed like a cute silly rom-com, but it might have been a little bit too much on the silly. The actors are okay, their chemistry is fine. I guess what really made me drop it was the writing. Which was not good... at all.

[cevans-is-classic]

18+ only please, language, nudity mentioned, tooth aching sweetness and kissing

My Masterlist

My Pedro List

It’s the soft string of lyrics near your ear that wake you up, drawing you to the surface to see Javi leaning against the headboard with his ukulele in his lap.

In lieu of asking him anything, you carefully roll over, smiling when he glances down his fingers slowly, his soft strumming, "Buen día, cariño."

The tune changes for a moment, going even softer as he sings low, whispered lyrics that crack and pitch, a sheepish smile on his lips. The little curl over his forehead moves as he softly nods with the rhythm.

He’s adorable.

He’s perfect.

He can’t sing worth a damn though, but it doesn’t stop the swell of your heart as he sways with the music.

“Can’t you see that it’s just raining,” He smiles at you, “Ain’t no need to go outside.” The song changes as he switches languages, his voice going in and out of Spanish and English.

It makes you want to close your eyes and lose yourself in it.

Except for the crack with each note that makes you bury your face in your blanket, cheeks red to keep from laughing, eyes following the up, down, up, down movement of his right hand.

“Pretend like it’s the weekend now. We can pretend it all the time -” Javi slowed for a moment, eyes casting over the room, gray light coming through the sheer curtains. The sound of rain hitting the windows created a cocoon of tranquility as he started strumming again, “- can’t you see that it’s just raining? Ain’t no need to go outside.”

He closes his eyes, and you watch him.

Javi is mesmerizing.

A force of nature.

Something beautiful, sweet, and kind wrapped up in warm colors and caramel hair. His smile rivals the sun, and most days, it takes a herculean effort not to get lost in the brown of his eyes.

You knew if you brushed your finger across his cheek you’d feel the heat of him. That if you curled your fingers behind his chin and he’d lean into it, rest his cheek in your palm and wait.

He’s wonderfully unreal.

His voice cracks, once again, on the next note, and you laugh — airy, covered by the blanket pulled up to your chin. Javi glances down at you, cracks a grin wider than the universe, and keeps right on singing, off key and all.

“But the telephone is singing, ringing it’s too early. Don’t pick it up-” You sat up, scooting closer, the blanket falling from your shoulders. The air on your bare skin was startling, causing you to gasp, and Javi looked then kept on looking. His fingers playing, up, down, up, up, down, as he sings, “but baby you hardly even notice, when I try to show you this, song is meant to keep ya, from doing what you’re supposed to-“

Your lips hovered over his, every note he sang, brushing them against yours.

Breathe for breath.

He kept strumming, humming now and then, singing words he knew in Spanish, then back to English all while staying there. Head cocked, fingers playing, lips faintly chasing yours.

The rain outside added to the ambiance, suffocating the sound of the world around you. All that mattered was Javi, here and now. Javi's voice, Javi's lips, his eyes, the curve of his nose that you kiss once, twice, three times, then down his cheek going from one to the other.

"And we can pretend it all the time, can't you see that it's just raining, ain't no need to go outside."

A quick glance shows you the time, hardly seven in the morning.

Is he allowed to be this beautiful at seven in the morning?

(You might have a biased opinion, and little sleep, but Javi was heaven come to life.)

The strumming stops for a moment, a crinkle between his brows as he mouths along with the noise in his head before flushing and shaking his head.

"I forgot the words." Ah, his ever running mind.

“Well-" Your voice is rough and Javi blinks at the sound, cheeks reddening even more when he catches sight of your bare chest and the marks he'd left the night before.

(and the night before that.)

"Try a different song."

With a slow nod he looks up at the ceiling, Whispering lyrics from a variety of songs, idly picking at the ukulele chords.

"I'm not sure to be honest."

"Hmm." You slid down, crossing your arms behind your head, "Try playing Banana Pancakes again from the beginning."

The strumming started up once more, up, down, up, down, his knuckles rocking against the slick brown wood as he hummed along with it.

"Can't you see that it's just raining?" Your voice wasn't any better than Javi's.

You wondered how a man, with a bedroom voice meant for the radio, sounds strangled when he sings.

"Ain't no need to go outside."

He winked after singing, the Spanish rolling off his tongue making your cheeks burn as you start the next line.

"But baby, you hardly even notice."

"When I try to show you this."

"Song that's meant to keep ya, from doing what you're supposed to." Javi was smiling again, brighter than before, turning his body towards you.

You slide a hand up his arm, across his chest, resting it over his heart as he sings. "like waking up too early. Maybe we can sleep in. I'll make you banana pancakes. Pretend that it's the weekend now."

Coming in at the crack of his note, you joined him again.

"And we can pretend it all the time."

"Can't you see that it's just raining? Ain't no need to go outside." His voice dropped, low, smooth, dark eyes holding yours as his fingers pick at the chords and slide along the frets.

It's intoxicating watching him like this.

"Javi-"

He stops playing, "Yes?"

"What woke you up?"

An embarrassed look took over his face, "I had a dream. Nicolas Cage stopped speaking to me. I could not go back to that time, that life, before him. I had to call him."

"Oh, baby."

He set the ukulele aside, moving to rest his head against the wall behind you, "Afterward — he was very generous to talk to me for three hours before the sun rose for him — I watched Con-air and started listening to How Do I Live — I thought of you."

"So you started playing our song?"

"Sí, I knew it'd wake you up, but I couldn't resist watching you sleep as I played."

Your hand moved from his chest to his cheek, feeling the stubble beneath it, brushing your thumb beneath his lip.

Javi leaned into it, closed his eyes, sitting the ukulele on the bed to make room for you to climb into his lap and capture his lips with yours.

It's sweet.

It's slow.

Javi's hands move over your back to your waist, gripping your hips for a best before moving back up and wrapping around you. There is no space between your bodies, chest to chest, lips to lips, he's everywhere you are.

Kissing Javi felt like falling. It's air stealing, a rush of adrenaline with each swipe of his tongue, and how wonderful he feels when he gives in.

"My baby boy." You pull back for air and Javi pants, his mouth on your collar, fingers gripping you.

"Come back to bed." You murmured, lifted his chin for another kiss even as you moved off his lap.

He follows you, "I'm in bed."

"No," you lift the blanket as he slides in, "beneath the covers, baby, with me."

Javi hums a tune as you wrap yourself around him and close your eyes.

@coulsons-fullmetal-cellist

Just cuz I wanted some sweet Javi music

[wysteir]

Wisteria's FG Journal

S1 In Review

Around the start of this year I decided to try and get into fighting games! This post will have notes about my journey and learning experiences in the first 3 months

My first* fighting game was Granblue Fantasy Versus: Rising! Asterisk because it was the first game I actually wanted to try to learn all the ins and outs of fighting games seriously.

Before this year the bulk of my experience was whatever odd fighting games we had lying around, including Samsho V, One Of The Mortal Kombats, and One Of The Dead Or Alives. Later got Skullgirls and Street Fighter 4 but never got deeply into either, and I'll include any time I played playing Whichever Versions of smash.

Either way, having fun with them casually, but never really thinking about actual strats. I wanted to fling specials at people and hit then with heavy buttons hahaheeheehoohoo

Granblue stood out to me because

1) A bunch of folks I knew were playing it

2) It touted a relatively low skill floor

3) Fox gal with huge fluffy tail

So I steeled myself for losses, and dove in, except - where do I even start?

Well thankfully my friends had my back on that one. I got linked copious amounts of resources, and of them the most important ones for me personally were the ones related to keeping a healthy mental game.

Fighting games are hard to learn because it's a skill like any other. Learning an art is hard- music, visual arts, writing, dance: all of these are skills that take time and have difficult aspects to learning them.

They should also bring joy when engaging in them, both through the fun of doing, but also the satisfaction of honing a skill. This is where healthy mental comes in. I didn't want to be stuck in a bad mental state learning fighting games. That would cascade into my attempts to learn and would spoil my fun- and at that point why bother?

Staying realistic while taking as much pride as I could in my progress contributed a huge amount in how smoothly I ramped up. In many ways I benefitted from being almost entirely new, and starting with upholding mental first. Note that it was also important to me to not dismiss my feelings or bottle them up. These things linger in the subconscious, they are mind killers and they need to be treated with care.

Immense damage was dealt to me by the North American Education System and Familial Expectations. Part of my journey in fighting games involved a continuation of dismantling the shame in perceived failures. I would let nothing stop me from finding joy in learning, and being silly with it. A key thing for fighting games is that for better or for worse, there's a common perception that the failure state is getting KO'd. After much deliberation, I personally refuse to view it as such.

Winning is merely a side effect of good play.

Losing is an opportunity to hone my skills.

Success to me is the 50/50. I'm a performer by heart, I love the drama, the thrill, the narration. And over and over again, I see my goal in others' replays and tournament footage- it's the 50/50. Being evenly matched with my opponent became an immense source of positive vibes, and as I improved, and got closer to it, the joy I got grew more and more. Most notably, I hit a point where even fighting players who could 10-0 me wasn't even daunting anymore, because every round we played I got just a little bit better, and I knew it was only a matter of time before I could turn it into a 10-1.

Mental is the most important thing because it determines how efficient you are in terms of learning, performance, and inspiration. Once mental tanks or ges overwhelmed, it's time for a break!!!

The next important thing for me was defense and taking back my turn.

I thought about it, and realized that at my skill level, I would probably be on the losing side of the fight more often than not. What I needed wasn't the most damaging combo, what I needed were the skills to get myself out of an inevitable scenario.

A dependency comes about from this then:

1) If I'm knocked down or in the corner, my priority needs to be taking my turn back. I can't do anything else if I'm under attack with whatever mix tape my opponent is blasting on loop.

2) If we're in neutral, I need to find the best way to get into a position to establish offence (or just establish it outright)

3) If they're blocking, I need to mix them and watch out for when they want to take their turn back

4) If I'm hitting them I either won or I'm about to get sent back to 3

Combos ain't shit actually!! They kinda fucking suck for a new player!!!! Combos and Complicated Hornswogglery won't save the new player from the situation they'll be in most of the time, ie- blocking in the corner

Second most important is playing neutral to try and prevent getting hit and cornered in the first place.

When I first started playing Granblue the most I could do was a basic baby auto combo into 236L and easy input super for offense, but I learned how to jab out of pressure, I learned how valuable reversals were, as I spent less and less time in the corner I learned how to approach and counter in neutral, and everything else was the fun fancy stuff that most resources list in great detail.

So! Behold, my power 9!

0) Preliminary research on game specifics

1) Learn how to maintain good mental

2) Learn how to block/evade/tech

3) Learn how to escape pressure

4) Learn how to skip/hold neutral

5) Learn a basic midscreen combo

6) Learn Okizeme/counter reversals

7) Learn a basic corner combo

8) Learn the advanced mechanics

Throughout the discord server I'm in I have lists and lists of things I felt I wanted to learn and some little victories and eureka moments

The 9 things above basically cover the gist of things

As I learned more and more granblue basics I also ended up playing guilty gear strive more often, and applied the same principles. Strive has more mechanics/resources than granblue so some of them came hand and hand with the 9, but I'm sure you'll find they slot in easy

By the end of March I was at a relatively low Mental and was taking it easier, but by then I was also playing in a way I didn't see myself being able to do for at least 6 months.

And now, even only 2.5 weeks since then? I could deck the halls with my March self

And if you've ever been interested in fighting games, you could learn them well too!!!

[mozart-the-meerkitten]

Low-key losing my mind at how good the Battlestar Galactica characters are with kids. It’s like a requirement for the main characters.

Like, Apollo has Boxy, who is his kid by marriage/adoption and literally right after he married Boxy’s mother she died. You wouldn’t even know it, you would think this man had raised this little boy from infancy. He’s such a sweet dad, he loves his son SO MUCH. He’s very genuine and in tune with Boxy and understands and validates his son’s feelings. He gets frustrated with his kid sometimes but I don’t think he’s ever actually like, yelled and gotten angry at him. When he met his wife she told him he “seemed good with children” based on a 10 second interaction he’d had with Boxy. He’s one of those people who automatically knows how to talk to children, by not talking down to them like they’re stupid, but explaining things to them in ways they understand. When he meets a little boy and his single mom when he emergency lands on a planet he does the exact same thing and actually helps the kid grow up a little and understand his mom a bit better.

You would not look at Starbuck and think this man would be good with kids but wow he is. Like, yeah, he flirts with almost every woman he meets but I’m 99% sure that if he ever actually got one pregnant he’d drop everything to raise that kid. When Apollo was MIA and they didn’t want to worry Boxy, Starbuck, on the fly, told Boxy that his dad said he was going to be longer than expected but he wanted Boxy to spend the night with the Blue Squadron pilots. He sets up a whole card game with fruit juice instead of beer and jellybeans as bets to give the kid the full experience. He crash-landed on a planet and was rescued by a gang of kids who were trying to rescue their father from cylons by doing hit-and-run attacks. He doesn’t belittle them, or talk down to them (once he understands what’s going on) he just tries to advise them. When the leader of the siblings (a boy about 15) realizes that if he hadn’t listened to Starbuck he’d have made a horrible mistake, he relinquishes command to Starbuck, who agrees on the condition that the kid be his lieutenant. He leads the kids to rescue their dad and teaches them the plan to storm the castle THROUGH SONG. He MADE UP A SONG and taught it to them so, in the words of my mom “all the kids would know what was going on the whole time”. And that’s just SO SMART because that’s how kids LEARN.

And Boomer over here has just learned to roll with his friend’s shenanigans so hard that he totally went along with the aforementioned scenario with Starbuck and Boxy. Like, he went as far as to cue other pilots while Boxy was around so that they kept the atmosphere light for the kid. Also his voice gets so much softer when he’s talking to Boxy and I die.

And ADAMA, the commander of the fleet, who, when his little grandson Boxy comes up to him late one night on the bridge and tells him he can’t sleep, lets the kid climb up on his lap like, “You know, when your father was little and couldn’t sleep I’d tell him stories. Do you want me to tell you a story?” and then he just tells Boxy a bedtime story right then and there on the bridge of the Galactica. I MELT.

Cassiopeia moms Boxy sometimes too and it’s very cute. Back to that time Starbuck set it up so Boxy could stay with Blue Squadron, their card game was interrupted by Cassie showing up and yelling at them about teaching the six-year-old how to gamble and smoke (Boxy did not have a cigar xD) and drink (again, fruit juice). The boys indignantly defended themselves against these claims and added about the card game, “And (Boxy’s) winning!” Cassie gets through yelling at the boys and turns to Boxy with the softest voice, “you can come back once you’re ready for bed-” *turns and glares at the boys* “and they RECIRCULATE THE AIR IN HERE!” xDD

Also, I’d like to point out that all but one of these characters are men and I think that’s fantastic. Showing that the best of the best warriors in the fleet and the Commander himself can be so soft and gentle with children is just, it makes my heart happy. It’s such a needed message- that you can be brave and strong and fight for your home and your people but also be kind and compassionate and loving. They’re just such well done characters and I love them so much. ;-;

[sugugasm]

TOJI’S RETURN — ft. fushiguro toji

· ₊ ⊹ toji cums home from a mission.

@ content warning ! : minors do not interact, lieutenant toji, dominant toji, submissive reader, female! reader, black reader in mind, cunninlingus, doggystyle, missionary, usage of profanity and pet names such as baby/pretty/mama. @ author’s note ! : omg i need him so so bad. enjoy me being insanely horny for toji in 3k words. the ending is kinda rushed bc i wanted to get this out soon, i hope u don’t mind <_> !! please enjoy ;)

toji wasn’t the easiest man to approach.

with his stern resting face and his not so kind demeanor, it was a surprise to see him settling down with such a easy going woman like yourself. but alas, you were the love of his life— to put it shortly.

using his keys to unlock the front door, toji interrupts what seems to be your usual sunday routine. he wasn’t supposed to be back until later tonight, but to your surprise, his mission was cut short. toji could proudly say that the first thing he wanted to do was see you— his partner in crime, his bestfriend, his wife.

stepping foot into your shared home, the fresh scent of his favorite food consumed him, along with the sound of a r&b track playing in the background.

“baby? i’m home.” he calls out your name twice and then once again, the music a bit too loud for you to hear him. as toji stepped closer toward the sound, he could see your figure — and god, were you beautiful.

dressed in one of his many oversized shirts, the hem of it barely covering your ass. your hair was tied up into a head scarf as lose strands of baby hairs peeked from the front, face bare, and just as pretty as ever.

you were swaying your hips along to the beat all the while stirring at the pot on the stove, not even aware of the man’s presence behind you up until he snakes his arms around your waist.

you flinch at the sudden feeling, quickly turning around and hitting him on the shoulder for startling you, “toji! you nearly scared the shit out of me,” you whine, but he shuts you up with a sensual kiss to the lips.

you fall into it of course, too blinded by love to think about the tiny jumpscare, “my love, i’ve missed you so much,” you say, still planting pecks all over his face.

“i missed you more, mama. how are you?” the genuine question brings a smile to your face. out of instinct, you burry your head into his chest, embracing him once more.

“i’m fine, baby. the real question is how are you? mission go okay?” toji avoids your question by shifting the subject.

“i’ve been away from you long enough, let’s talk about you.”

not minding the the change of topic. toji would prefer if you didn’t know how most of his missions went, for your sake. he didn't want to worry you anymore than you already do when he leaves.

“i’ve been okay, just glad you’re back. i don’t think i could go another day without you in the bed when i sleep,” you joke, but toji seemed to be focused on something else— your attire. your hardened nipples poked through the plain shirt, skin grazing against the fabric with every breath.

“keep her wet ‘f me while i was gone?” he asks.

blunt, per usual.

“toji! not now, i’m cooking. you’ve already made me burn the—“ a swift smooch to your lips cut you off as toji brought his hand to your neck.

“the appetizers can wait, i’m ready for the main course.” his fingers slipped between the line of your thong as he plucked at the fabric, making it snap back. you couldn’t deny it— the stream between your thighs. in his defense, the man had been away from you for far too long and your kitty was already purring. there wasn’t much else needed to be said.

“yeah? and what about desert? gonna’ wait for that too,” you tease, rubbing him through his uniform. a low groan left his lips as he wasted no time scooping you into his arms and carrying you up the stairs to your bedroom.

as your tongues danced with one another, toji gently tossed you onto the bed, a giggle leaving your lips as you watch him begin to undress— and god was it a dream.

toji was already built, but it seemed as if he’d gotten even bigger— swollen almost. the muscles in his arms tore through his tight shirt, and the veins seemed to be playing a game of seek and no hide— popping out more than usual.

and don’t even get started on his cock.

the bi-colored piece attached bellow his belly stood straight up and thumped as he removed his underwear. the pinkish tip was already wet with precum and the lightly tan colored length itself had you close to drooling. he was wide, with a bit of length— not too long, but just right. it had a curve too— to the left to be specific, perfect for hitting that sensitive spot with little to no effort.

“starin’ hard,” he utters.

“could you blame me?”

he chuckles, taking his position on the bed— body hovering over you, “i’d tell you to close your mouth but i like it open like that.”

“put it to use then,” you sass, earning knit brows from your husband. usually, talking back to him wouldn’t exactly fly, but tonight, he could dabble in your little game.

“watch it. now, take this off. let me love you, woman,” he smirks down at you, reaching for the hem of ‘your’ shirt. woe and behold your bare body was finally seen. toji tried not to get too giddy, but the way you looked up at him had him already going feral.

you were just irresistible.

he couldn’t quite figure out exactly what it was. maybe it was that nasty mind of yours that never failed to match the energy he gave you. or maybe it was that body— that grown woman body, to be specific. tiger stripes on your ass, hips growing wider, and a pretty pussy to top it all off.

with a smile on your face, you groped at your breast, slowly lifting your legs to meet your chest, spreading yourself for him, “and you said i was staring?”

“could you blame me?” he mocks, laying on his stomach, face coming into contact with your cunt up until your small hand stopped his movements.

“fuck the foreplay, toji. i wan’ it.”

“eager little thing, aren’t ya?” he laughs, getting up and taping his tip on your puffy clit. instead of entering you when you asked, toji continued to graze his tip along your cunt, rubbing himself against you.

“toji do something, please-“

“hush.”

“toji-“

his once gentle touch turned into a mini slap on your cunt, making you jerk in response, “what’d i say?” a pout twisted your lips as you watched toji continue to toy with your folds. it felt more like admiration than teasing, his eyes wandering your figure. he’ll never get over how pretty you are, from the day he met you to the moment he married you, he knew he’d won in life.

“perfect fuckin’ physique,” he grunts, hands circling your stomach and waist. you turn your head aside while stifling a laugh. the man still made you nervous after all these years. "look up here," he orders, taking his large cock in his hand as he aligns it with your entrance, piercing eyes still looking at you in awe as he begins to push his tip into you.

“a-ah, toji go slow, baby. it’s been a minute,” you hiss, pushing at his abdomen. you could take dick like a champ, but toji was far too wide to be getting too hasty. hell, it took a few times for him to fully fit when you first fucked and even now, it was still a bit of a challenge.

every stretch to your cunt had you digging your nails into his biceps as he eased his way in.

“so tight, sweetheart— needed me that bad, huh?”

obviously.

“you’re so big toji, love it so much,” you mumble, the soft thrusts to your cunt making you whimper under him. still rocking into you slowly, toji’s thumb moved to your clit, rubbing the sensitive little thing as if you’d break. you felt so full, so whole, and you were loving every minute of it.

“missed you so much, missed this sweet pussy fuckin’ on me like this,” he grunts, your pussy clamping around him so tightly like you’d never taken his dick before.

“she missed you too, daddy.”

a sly smirk was all he needed to pick up his speed, but not too fast— he wanted to make sure you felt everything, “this fuckin’ cunt- goddamn,” toji’s hands move from your waist to your chest as he kneads your tits in his hands, running his thumb along your hardened nipples.

“fuck, fuck, fuck, toji! oh—right there, right there, baby.” toji matched his thrusts with the rhythm of your moans as he stroked your pussy slowly, pulling completely out then slamming right back in. the attack on your hole was too much and the sight of him above you was even more.

you didn’t fail to take in the way his eyes never left yours as he fucked you deeply, staring as if you were the only girl in the world— and to him, you were. he was losing himself inside of you and was trying so hard not to cum from the grip you had on him. it was only round one, and there were many more to go.

“you’re so pretty,” he says, barely above a whisper as his lips meet yours. you could feel his hands holding the back of your head now, your eyes being forced to look at nothing but him and the commotion between you both. he was sweaty and his dog tags were dangling and most of all, his dick was throbbing inside of you, hitting a spot that you didn’t even know you had.

“oh my go- baby! harder toji, harder please- aah.”

“like this? harder like this?” he mocks, tilting his head to the side as he watches you plead and beg for more of him. but the truth was, this was as deep as he could get— well, for right now.

“what if i did this? hm,” he asks, now circling his hips with every sharp pound to your cunt. it was like a reflex when your eyes rolled to the back of your head, mind going foggy from the overriding amount of power he was giving you.

“i…i think i’m—oooh toji, m’ cumming m’ cumming,” you announce, holding your mouth wide open as you close your eyes seeing nothing but white. toji sensed this before you did, because when he felt that last final clench, his only thought was to bring you higher.

“hold it, baby. hold that shit—hold it for me, yn.”

“i cant! i can’t!” you reply, shaking your head from side to side only to have toji completely stop his movements to stand up.

“baby, please i wanna cu—“

“and ima’ let you. c’mere,” he assures as he reaches his arms out to pick you up into his arms. he flips you over onto your tummy, pulling you by the hips to create an arch in your tattooed spine. he smiles seeing his initials on your right cheek, reaching down to give it a kiss.

one kiss led to toji full on tongue fucking you from behind. he licked and ate at your sensitive clit, paying close attention to your small whines and squirms. it was hard to even do the job with you trying your best to run from him all the while calling out his name.

toji loved eating pussy. he’d do it over and over until lockjaw told him to stop. not only did it make you feel good, but he got hard from the process of it alone— his tongue toying at your folds, the whiff of your fresh scent each and every time he took in a breath, and your broken record of moans that echoed off the four walls around you both.

“tojiii- slow down, baby.” reaching an arm back to swat at his movements, you're quickly shut down by three harsh smacks to both of your cheeks. he says nothing and continues eating, burying his face in your euphoria.

he was a leach latching on to your clit like he was. he sucked and let his tongue massage whatever flesh it could find, “baby! fu-fu-fuck- m’ gonna- m’ gonna cum!” you squeal. you could feel toji shaking his head from side to side and still sucking on your ticking time bomb. his groans and moans didn’t help your case, a wave of vibrations taking you straight to your climax.

he mushed and fondled your ass cheeks as you whimpered, wetting his face up with every last ounce of your juices. toji couldn’t believe his eyes. you were shaking in his grasp, squirting on his faint facial hair while crying out his name in exhilaration. you tasted so good, and just for him.

“that’s my girl. missed you ‘s much. give me another one, babydoll. i know you can do it.” you could, you knew you could. regardless of how badly you wanted to collapse and fall into a deep sleep, to put it short— the dick was just too good.

you nod your head and fix your arch, still fuzzy from the mess you just made. you could see your husband leaning over to help you, grabbing a pillow and stuffing it between your head and the sheets— allowing you to be more comfortable. toji begins to kiss down your spine. when reaching lower, he carefully places his thumbs where your back dimples are, holding on to your waist.

he stuck his cock in between your cheeks, watching it glide up and down. he patted it against the left one as a way of telling you he was about to put it in.

you demonstrate your hands in front of you and let him get to work. toji slid his cock into your cunt, your walls tracing his veins and swallowing him whole. as his hands massaged your ass cheeks, he let out a small groan, watching your moons clash against his pelvis.

he could only sit there and indulge in your greatness. he missed this. he missed you. it was times like this where he could remeber the good old days— back when the two of you were young and so, so irresponsible, fucking like rabbits back to back with no other thoughts on your minds but each other.

but life came fast, and both of you had to grow up. even if it meant toji working a bit more than he should for his own health, he knew it’d all be worth it the moment he saw your face again.

“yes, yes, yes- toji! don’t stop, baby. that feels ‘s good.” your cries were music to his ears. your voice was shaky, and your words were being drawn out— too drunk in love to care much about the volume.

“fuck me back, don’t be fuckin’ lazy.”

you don’t budge.

taking matters into his own hands, toji places a hand on your shoulder while the other still remains on your hip. he begins to yank you back onto him, deepening the pretty dip in your spine. holding your mouth wide open, your hand reaches to hold his wrist for support. he was drilling into you so quickly, gritting his teeth and sucking harsh breaths followed by profanities.

“could fuck you all day. just say the fuckin’ word, yn.” as much as you wanted to tell him how good he was making you feel, the overriding power of his cock driving in and out of you put your statement on hold.

“don’t be silent. talk to me, let me know.” his voice was shaky, and his movements seemed to be picking up speed. with every thrust, there was another step closer to the headboard putting a dent on your bedroom wall.

“y-you’re makin’ me f-feel ‘s good,” you babble mindlessly as toji laughs, the scar on his lip forming into a smile as he watches you fall apart.

“i know i am. dick feels good, doesn’t it? missed me beating this pretty pussy up, huh?” when toji stopped talking you immediately felt your stomach form a knot. your eyes involuntarily rolled to the back of your head as you let him fuck the absolute shit out of you.

“bout’ to cum for me, aren’t you?”

“yesss! don’t. fuckin’. stop.” and he didn’t. letting go of your shoulder, toji quickly pushes down your lower back. now, he was fucking you into the matress, his fat cock stuffing you full as you cling on to the sheets and brace yourself.

“ooh! tojii- right there, fuck!”

there it was. that spot that he never failed to find within only just a few minutes, “you feel too fuckin’ good, sweetheart- fuck,” he grunts. his adrenaline had died down a bit, his strokes now becoming long and a bit unorganized. he was giving you all of him, cock jabbing into your cervix making you holler.

“i feel it, baby- please don’t stop! wanna’ cum for you so bad.” the tears in your eyes had fallen silently down your cheeks as you began to feel a strain in your thighs. you quickly whip your head around to look at your husband. his eyes were low and his jaw was clenched, waiting for you to cum around him so he could follow close behind you.

“give it to me, c’mon. i want it. i know you want to, darlin.’ just let it go.”

and just like that, the pleasure bubbling in your stomach had finally erupted. it was only then when toji heard you cry out an almost inhumane moan that roared from the pit of your stomach. your limbs had grown weak and your face was twisted into somewhat of a smile.

“good girl. good fuckin’ girl.”

toji could detect your sensitivity. it drove him insane knowing he was the cause; his body ached and so did yours, but he couldn’t stop. you just felt too good. it was as if you were specifically made for him and only him. his cock fit perfectly inside of you, never leaving any gaps in your walls. when he fucked you, he lost himself, but who could blame him?

“toji- please, please cum for me. i w-want it. i wanna’ feel it in me,” you moan, voice barely above a whisper as you feel him still massaging your walls. the tank top molding toji’s muscles was stained with sweat, the fabric sticking to his skin. growing annoyed, toji quickly lifts the hem of the shirt and holds on to it with his gritted teeth.

you could now see his bare stomach, along with the many tattoos that covered it. his form had you ready to cum again— and he felt it too. between the motion of your ass and the sounds you let out, he was cumming in no time.

“aw-fuck!” the wet noises coming from your cunt only made him cum harder. he painted your walls with ropes and ropes of white, making sure he didn’t leave a single drop left.

“yes! yes, toji- keep c-cumming in me, please..”

eyes rolled to the back of your head, you use whatever strength you had left to look back at him, doe eyes sending him nothing but a look of admiration. toji held your gaze as he finished himself off, still giving you small, unorganized strokes— just the tip.

“you take it so well- every time. pussy is to die for,” he was babbling now, praising you endlessly without any other thoughts on his mind. for a moment it was just the two of you, basking in one another’s love as everything around you was on pause.

when he finally pulled out, he used his fingers to push the leaking cum back into your hole, the cold temperature of his wedding ring giving you a chill, “i think it’s time we have a mini me around to keep you company, what do ya’ say?”

smiling, you pull him down for his lips to meet yours, “i say it’s about damn time.”

SUUNMIC 2022 ©️ all rights reserved to @suunmic. please refrain from copying or reposting as your own.

tagging my babies <33 : @venusflytrapstar @touyyes

[seraphdreams]

If you do can you write Yandere Tokyo revengers characters pls?? Like with Izana/Mikey/whoever watching someone flirt with s/o and they're low-key losing it. If not that's okay and I hope you have a good day. ☺️

izana x gn!reader.

contains. yandere themes, guns, gender-neutral reader, stalking, slight manipulation (??), slight sexual themes.

ser’s note. this is like the first time i ever wrote izana, i’m sorry if he’s ooc!

you were never close with kurokawa izana, only exchanging one or two words with him every so often while you worked as one of his many assistants. you were a busy thing, not having the time to be caught up in his antics or the business he partakes in. yet to him, you were so much more. hours would pass by when izana would think of just how perfect you are, how you weren’t as uppity as the others around him, and just as sweet as his favorite drink.

to him, you were in love.

he took it upon himself to try and get closer with you. he’d call you in to work more hours, give you personal tasks, and even arrange a lunch session for the two of you. at first, you thought this was his way of getting used to his new employee but that suspicion hastily died down.

izana already knew any and every thing about you. he knew what time you woke up, what you ate for breakfast, the shops that you’d frequent — he knew it all; and he wasn’t ashamed of that. that’s what lovers do, right?

he had gotten into the habit of stalking you after a little business party had managed to get you too intoxicated to drive yourself home. izana had taken that opportunity to be cordial with you, get your address so that he knew it like the back of his hand and relish in the sight of you so unkempt. lovers see themselves at their most vulnerable, yes?

after that incident, you hadn’t noticed how often izana was around, merely because he was dexterous at concealing his presence. everyday at the same time for the past month, he’d get accustomed to your routines until there was a little disturbance that angered him more than any traitor.

“sorry i had you come by on such short notice, i’ve been so busy.” you say as you let some man inside your abode. to izana, he was some roguish individual, he looked as though he had no regard for you, and you allowed your guard to be down! if it was him, he’d never allow such a thing to happen. you led the man somewhere throughout your home, possibly the bedroom where izana found an opening to step inside your place since you so conveniently forgot to lock the front door.

he found solace in hiding behind a tall, slovenly houseplant while continuing to spy in on your conversation.

“it’s been a while since i’ve done this, i hope you don’t mind.” said the man. from those words alone, izana could only so much as guess what types of ordeals he was up to.

was he coming over for sex? to hookup?

either way, izana wouldn’t let that happen. he’s about you, he loves you. he’s the one to take your presumed innocence, not anyone else. yet, he keeps himself composed, slowly finding another spot to conceal himself in.

a few moments of silence pass by until izana’s interest is once again piqued.

“down there?” — “yeah, right there.”

the exchange has his heart rate bludgeoning and he knows for sure if he doesn’t stop whatever’s going on, that you’ll regret it for the rest of your life, he’ll regret it. he steadily makes his way to your room where he catches sight of that awful scum of a man with his body hovering over yours as you lay sprawled out on your bed.

like second nature, izana whips out the gun from his pocket, firing off a few warning shots that caused the man to jump from his previous position. izana lined the weapon to the man’s forehead, emotionless purple eyes boring into droopy brown ones. “mr. kurokawa?” you questioned, huddle up amongst your pillows, trying to minimize yourself as much as possible. “lay another finger on my baby and i’ll blow your brains out, y’hear me?”

maybe if it wasn’t too late, you could’ve explained that you had scheduled an appointment with an at-home trainer who was just helping you stretch your body out before working out, but as you know, your boss was extremely trigger happy.

with the shock that settled into you, it wasn’t hard to mold your malleable mind into some warped perception of the whole situation. you had genuinely believed izana did this all for you, to protect you because he sees dangers far better than you can. he had convinced you that the man in your house didn’t have your best interest at heart. he was just a con, like any other man.

you don’t need anyone else besides izana, and he’ll make sure of that.

[i4bellingham]

Love your writing! Could you do one where you’re friends with Trent and he has a crush on you but you don’t know since he keeps things close to the chest. And it’s not an issue until you meet Jude and the two of you click and start dating that he voices his feelings to you. You want to stay w Jude but Trent can’t bare being just friends and seeing you fall in love w someone else.

THE CHOICE : bsf!trent alexander-arnold x fem!reader x mentioned bf!jude bellingham

all of the gifs in my posts are from my keyboard. they aren't mine but i also have no clue who their owners are but all credits goes to them for creating such beautiful gifs <33 thank you so much <333

cw: unresolved issues, trent and reader low-key being redflags 🚩🚩🚩, cussing, mentions of making out, honestly jude deserves better in this fic why’d i write it like this ��� + not proofread

i added a twist of mine on this one, hope that's alright 👀 how i managed to finish this in a day is beyond me. i normally take 2-3 days to finish a fic but here i am finishing a trent fic in a day 😨

Admitting that you loved someone was hard.

Admitting that you love someone who already loves someone else is harder.

Trent was very well-aware that his fondness of you grew past the stages of ‘like’. It was something that he had to come into terms with just recently seeing you wrapped around someone else’s arms.

Before anything, you were a good friend of Trent’s. You would always show up to his games wearing his jersey, you always opened up your time and attention to him when he’s feeling under the weather or when they lost a game. You were always there for him, through his good times and even at his worst. You were there, hugging him close to you when the hateful comments got too much and inside his head, clouding his mind with doubt and insecurity as he recalls them over and over in his memory. You always liked to remind him of what he’s achieved at a young age, reiterate every single thing that he’s won at football and praise him for being so strong for facing each of his days with a raised head despite the comments, until he’s there in your arms with tears fogging his sight.

You were so good to him, so good for someone with the likes of him that him falling for you wasn’t even out of the picture anymore.

But Trent stopped himself from confessing, thinking that whatever friendship he got with you was too good for him to lose. So he never did, never once gave any inclinations of his feelings for you until it grew and blossomed into what it’s now known as love.

There wasn’t really any worries on his part, because although you've gone to a few dates (none of which really succeeded), there wasn’t really anyone who had the pleasure of being called your boyfriend.

Not until him.

Not until Jude Bellingham came into the picture and shattered whatever complacent Trent found in your relationship.

It was supposed to be you and him and although merely as friends, Trent wanted nothing more for it to be just you and him for a very long time.

But really, he’s the partial reason why you started dating Jude in the very first place regardless if he likes the profound relationship between you and his best mate anyways.

He did introduce the two of you to each other at his own birthday party because while he tried to distract himself with the multiple girls that surrounded him that night from how beautiful and breathtaking you looked in your dress, he had given Jude the perfect open opportunity to get to know you better. And before he even knows it, Trent’s greatest fear had come into life.

Eight months after his birthday party, you began dating Jude leaving him with nothing but the scarce presence of you in his life.

Not until one day when you reached out and asked him to hang out that Trent came into the conclusion that he would rather get the things off in his chest now no matter the cost than never doing it and dwelling on the what should have been. He knows it’s not fair to you nor to Jude but he’d really wanted to do this now in hopes that it would give him the peace that he needs with the feelings he holds for you.

Trent wasn’t expecting much from you if he did confess, but it was still safe to say that he was hoping for at least a little bit that in someway, you reciprocated his feelings too no matter how slim they may be now.

Trent hugs you a little longer than he should have when he finds you in his door step, clad in a familiar hoodie that also had the lingering scent of its owner when he pulls away from you before ushering you inside his house.

“Feels like I haven’t seen you in forever.”

You really haven’t, is what response crossed Trent’s mind as the both of you sat on his couch with an arms length of space dividing you both that wasn’t normally there before you started dating Jude. But instead of voicing it out, Trent reaches a hand out to ruffle your hair.

“You’ve been rather occupied with your new relationship, don’t want to interfere in young love.” He ends his reply with a teasing smile.

You face him, adjusting on his couch with your legs crossed above the cushions. “So... how have you been?”

Miserable?

Missing you?

Regretting lots of stuff?

What should have been a proper answer to such a basic question was drowned out by Trent's thoughts in the situation he tried to move past. It was all about his regrets of not confessing and owning up to his feelings earlier. It was all about the what-ifs inside his head that ran rampant just like his thoughts of you.

“Okay...”

“Just okay?” You teased, chuckling when Trent rolls his eyes. “What? No new flings Mr. Alexander-Arnold?”

Trent’s demeanor immediately shifts into a tensed one, and as if sensing his discomfort for the topic you reel your question back with another remark.

“Now don't be so uptight with me T, you know I don't judge you for that.”

Of course you haven't. You don’t judge him in anything he does. You hold him at such a high regard to trust him fully that he doesn't do anything stupid, one that could potentially dwindle your trust on him.

Those flings haven’t come by for more than a few months now, only seeking out the presence of other girls to satiate his needs with the courage he's gotten from the alcohol, but even those instances became sparse ever since he owned up to how he really felt about you.

“I know, you love me too much to judge me for every shit that I do.” Trent insinuates.

You unknowingly nod your head. “Of course I do. You have been such a good friend to me T, of course I love you-”

“Just as friends?”

You snap your head to his direction, shock on your face before you're letting out forced and nervous chuckles.

“Of course Trent, you're my friend aren’t you?”

There is a feint hints of smirk on his lips. Trent nods his head spuriously to appease you, but the next words to come out of his lips did anything but to ease you down.

“I see you're still a horrible liar.”

You look at him confused.

“You don’t call me Trent unless you're hiding something from me pretty baby...” Trent inches closer to you, grabbing your hand in his to which you didn't take backㅡnot immediately anyways, no.

You seemed to have been stunned to hear the nickname he used to call you before you were dating Jude tumble out of his lips.

Frozen next to him and shocked, you only managed to shake yourself back to reality with the thought of your current boyfriend passing by your mind.

You take your hand back immediately, scooting a little further away from Trent.

“Trent-” You warn him, not wanting to hear the next words leave his lips.

“What? Really? You thought I would believe that you only ever loved me as a ‘friend’ ?” He asks you almost mockingly. “Friends don’t kiss each other baby. Friends don’t make out a plenty of times-”

“We were both drunk that time Trent!”

“The first time it happened we were! But what about the other times that it happened Y/N?”

You stand up from the couch. “I don’t know why you’re bringing this up now Trent! It had been a year and a half since it happened!” You started to head to door, planning on leaving the entire conversation and Trent behind when his hand reaches out to grasp at your arm, pulling your back against his chest.

“Don’t lie Y/N. You know me better than anyone, and I know you better than everyone else.” He wraps his arms around your waist, slotting his forehead against the plane of your shoulder. “You didn’t see me just as your friend-”

You struggled against his hold, mind reminding you of your boyfriend and how wrong and unfair this is to him.

“Yes Trent! I did see you more than just my friend! Is that what you want to hear from me!?”

Yes, you two did kiss during that one damned night during New Year’s eve drunk and out of your wits and the situation went completely out of control when the two of you found yourselves in the back of his car, lips slotted perfectly against each other as you spent the New Year countdown in each other’s arm and tongues down each other’s throat.

After that, the tension just grew more to which the both of you tried to ignore at first but to no avail. It just turned palpable that even some of your mutual friends began to suspect a thing when you’d hang out with them. It was so apparent that something went down between you and Trent but you've never had the guts to openly admit that.

It was one random night when the both of you finally broke that tension out into the open air, nearly ridding each other of clothes in a messy lip-lock and hands on opposite bodies that didn’t stay at one spot for more than a second.

Instances like that happened for a few more times before Trent himself ultimately ended what he himself started.

His birthday party was the perfect gateway that able you to meet Jude, eyes and attention on him instead of Trent and the multiple girls on his arms as he openly flirted with them.

You remember trying to keep your tears from falling, tried so hard to tune down the disappointment, hurt and sadness that you felt in that moment.

But Jude was there. Jude was there to distract you with his lame jokes and made you play boardgames with him in Trent’s guest room that you used to occupy sometimes when staying at his house.

Both of you left the party a little past 12 am back then, giggling and shoving each other past the number of guests in Trent’s house before driving over to a local fast food chain. There were still loitering thoughts of Trent here and there during that night but somehow, Jude managed to divert your pain into a copious sound of laughter from his foolish punch lines.

If he knew what you felt for Trent back then, he made no comments about it. But he stayed with you and a few more times after that night meanwhile, you chose to ignore what you witnessed Trent doing that night.

Even though you only made-out a lot of times in an unlabeled relationship that went past beyond just being friends at that point, it still hurt to think that Trent did that in front of you. It still hurt that he didn't seemed to care that you were watching them moreover when he was openly kissing a girl on his lap in front of everybody before you and Jude left the house to drive around the city for food.

It just went like that.

Everything went unresolved and although you began to reconnect three months after that, everything was just not the same.

The both of you tried so hardㅡor you did at least to keep those memories and feelings buried deep down your mind because you have someone better now. Someone who provided so much of his attention, care and adoration for you. Someone you know would never ever think let out alone act on hurting you.

Jude was perfect in so many ways, and he was so good to you but you don’t want to let him go. Not even for the sake of Trent’s realizations.

Trent’s grip around your waist loosens, and from there he can hear your sniffs before he’s turning you around, lips on your forehead and hands on your arms.

“But you broke what we had Trent... and Jude was there to pick up the mess you made...” You murmur, letting the tears to freely cascade down your cheeks. “After your birthday party all I heard from your teammates was you seeing different girls each week Trent... how do you think I’d feel from that?”

“But you didn't reach out to me-”

“You fucking hurt me when you talked to those girls all night long and completely ignored me! You even had your tongue down some girl’s throat on the couch when Jude and I left and you expect me to reach out to you?” Pushing him off you, you pointed a finger against his chest. “Don’t put the blame on me for something that is completely on you Trent. I waited for you to explain yourself even though you really didn't have to... what we had was just like what you have with the other girls isn’t it? A friend with benefits type of th-”

This seems to trigger something in Trent because his pulling you by the arms and slotting his lips against yours just like how he did long ago.

Stunned, you were too dumbfounded to push Trent away. The realization only hits you like a truck when he pulls away and places his forehead against yours, whispering the words that you refused to hear until now.

“Don’t.” Trent caresses your cheeks in gentle motions of his fingers, cupping your face against the warmth of his palm. “Don’t ever fucking compare what you and I had to my stupid rendezvous. I was a coward. I didn’t admit that I love you, not even to my self until a few months ago. I didn’t want to lose you Y/N... I was so afraid to lose you that I'd rather lose my chances of being someone more than a friend to you than lose you in my life entirely if you didn't reciprocated my feelings and felt uncomfortable to be my friend again to stay.

I know I had such a douche way of showing that I didn't want you gone from my life and I admit that, I know that. I want to apologize to you in every waking day but I was way in my head to even recognize the selfishness that I did. And before I knew it, you had broken the news to me that you were seeing Jude and we pretended that those times didn't happen and I was okay with it. I was okay with it because at least you were talking to me again. I was okay with pretending that I was supportive of your relationship when all I ever wanted was what Jude have now because at least you acknowledged me again as someone in your life...”

Trent sighs, cursing underneath his breath before closing his eyes to keep his tears from falling. “I was so okay with you being with him because at least I got to see you again... I was so fucking okay with every minimal gesture from you because at least you were back in my life. I was ready to take everything you gave me baby, no matter how foolish and insignificant they may be... I’d take them all because they're from you...

I love you Y/N, and I don’t fucking care if you're with Jude. I’ll fight for your affection if I have to, if I get you by the end of it... it’s all gonna be worth it.”

With the tears freely rolling down both of your cheeks and like a twisted sense of irony, the phone in your pocket rings. You fish it out to see the contact name and face of the very person who had given you his everything ever since you became his girlfriend officially; the guy who tampered your broken pieces to keep you whole and kept you safe and loved.

　

　　　　　　　Incoming call...

　　　　　　　　　jude 🖤

a/n: i know this is a piece of information you lot already know but marcus rashford is so fucking fine like i would literally breathe dust if he ever do as much as look in my way-

read part two here !!

[bella-studyblr]

Task Management:

Creating + Maintaining a Schoolwork Schedule

Key elements

Your schedule suits your individual time/task management preferences.

It is flexible enough to accommodate sudden changes, plus fluctuating energy levels, states of concentration, symptoms and moods.

Daily tasks are not over-whelming; they are small enough that they are achievable.

You do not get “burned out.”

It allows you to be consistent.

Steps to create your schedule

Decide if you want your planner to be paper or digital

Find an “order” that’s logical and achievable for you (more on this later)

Refer to your addendum/syllabus and write down all the assignments, tests and other events taking place that week/month (and their due-dates).

Then break these down, assigning tasks to each day of the week (more on this later).

Break down your tasks even further (more on this later).

Decide if you want to follow a simple daily to-do list or a timed schedule (more on this later).

Find your “order(s)”

Mandatory: Schedule assignments around other commitments (work, social, hobbies, etc.).

Do the hardest task first to get it out of the way (so that the rest of your tasks are less daunting, and because your smaller tasks require less energy therefore can be done even after completing the hard task).

Do the easiest task first to build momentum (give yourself a feeling of accomplishment which will motivate you to continue, and boost your self-confidence early in the day to establish a positive mindset for the rest of the day).

Do the task that’s due first to minimize deadline stress, and so your assignments don’t fall through the cracks (causing you to get discouraged and lose momentum).

Plan according to your energy level throughout the day and week: Do you have Pilates once a week? Maybe you can reserve that day for easier assignments. If you know you’re going to be tired for whatever reason, account for that in your planning.

Consider your state of concentration: If you know you’re too groggy or spaced out for the first hour of your day, you can either schedule easy tasks in that time, or none at all. If you take a medication in the afternoon/evening that makes you tired, schedule easier tasks or none, and get harder tasks done earlier/later in the day. If you have ADHD and crowded places mess with your concentration, but you like studying at a café, go when it’s not busy.

Be mindful of your emotions and symptoms: If you have depression, or are prone to depressive episodes, you’ll need to consider that when scheduling. You might have to rework your entire schedule when you get into a depressive episode (like adding lots of breaks). If suddenly you’re going through a big life event (like a breakup), you need to account for that when scheduling. For instance, if you can’t stand to be alone, maybe you can go out instead of staying in, and if your motivation is low, you may need to up your reward-system or break down your tasks even more.

Break down this week/month’s tasks

Refer to your addendum/syllabus and write down all your due dates for the time period you’re scheduling for.

Based on due dates, outside commitments, predictions of energy/mood/symptoms, assign assignments to the days of the week/month that make most sense for you.

Break down daily tasks into sub-tasks

You can do this (in advance) for your full week/month’s assignments, or do it every morning/evening.

Generally, your assignments will follow a variation of this formula: brainstorm, create an outline, research, write rough draft, edit and revise. Test/exam prep will look something like: check to see what the test is based on, pinpoint important sections, review to see how well you know the material, create a list of items to study, rewrite select notes, make flash cards, study topic 1, study topic 2, etc.

What are the individual components of these steps? Here are some examples. Brainstorm: what should my topic be, what should my thesis be, what points can support my thesis, what do I need to research, what questions do I need to ask my prof? Outline: topic, thesis, points, conclusion. Research: write down all the important parts from each source (separately), then sift through to sort into Supporting Point 1, Supporting Point 2, etc. Rough draft: opening statement(s), intro, point 1, point 2, etc., conclusion, closing statement(s). Edit/revise: read and check for grammar only, then read again and check for spelling only, read again and check for cohesiveness only, etc. Topic 1: Part A, Part B, etc.

Each of these small components can be individual items on your to-do list. Big tasks like, “write essay” are too big for most people. Even “write rough draft” is daunting. If you start with something specific and small like brainstorming, and work your way up, it’s a lot easier to approach. Plus, being able to check off tasks more often and more easily will boost your confidence and your sense of competence, thus building momentum.

Here is a sample to-do list: Research X for Point 1 of Literary Essay, create outline for History Essay, Edit/Revise Assignment 1, study Topic 1 and Topic 2 for Test 1.

To-do list or time-based schedule?

To do list: Write down all your assignments for the day. Put them in the order you want to do them, or go through them intuitively (based on what you feel like doing, or what’s most practical at the time/place you’re at).

Timed-based: Write down all your assignments, then write down the time you’re going to do each of them. You could set reminders or alarms if you want, or simply refer to the list. There’s an awesome app I recommend if this is your thing. It’s called Structured (iOS only).

Curate your study environment for maximum focus

Eliminate distractions such as uncomfortable clothing, sounds (or silence), phone and computer notifications, clutter in the room and on your desk, people who may try to talk to you (shut your door and/or inform them that you’re busy).

Designate a space to doing homework only and avoid spaces that you associate with other things (do not study in bed, as you will want to relax or sleep, and/or you will mess with your sleep by weakening the bed’s association with sleep).

Build associations: Incorporate other events and items into your study/homework routine that you only use while doing that, so that you associate those things with studying/homework (examples: specific playlists, pencils/pens, cups/bottles, scents, rituals, decor, etc.).

Ensure good lighting (preferably including daylight).

Get dressed in clothes that make you feel good about yourself. They don’t have to be “professional” and they should definitely be comfortable. Do not stay in your pyjamas. Believe me, I know this can be hard, and I love PJ’s. But they are not good for productivity.

Don’t “multi-task.” It may feel like you’re getting more done this way, but by splitting your focus, not only do tasks take longer, they also diminish in quality. Commit to the task you’re doing.

Meditate: You can even meditate for just 1-5 mins right before studying, homework and/or classes.

Practice self care (daily!)

Sleep (enough, well, and regularly).

Daylight: Get outside, work by windows, use a light therapy box. These can help regulate your sleep, improve and maintain mental health, and boost energy.

Fresh air: Getting outside even for a couple minutes can help you refresh and reset, and feel good about yourself and your life. Fresh oxygen can help you wake up and is great for your health. Even just opening your window can do a lot for your mood, energy and motivation.

Movement: Try to move at least once per day. The benefits of exercise are numerous and immense.

Healthy and consistent eating: Avoid spikes in insulin levels by eating regularly so you don’t have extreme dips in your energy level. Also, brain power uses calories too, so make sure you’re eating consistently, and try to eat healthy. There are so many other reasons eating consistently is good for your health (and by extension, your productivity).

Relaxation and leisure: Make time for fun and socializing, as well as intentional relaxation. Hobbies, movies/tv, time with friends/family, meditation, baths, progressive muscle relaxation, etc.

Therapy: Your therapy sessions are not daily, but you can do 5 minutes of inner-work per day based on what you and your therapist are currently working on. Working with a therapist is a great way to stay on track with your goals, and develop the skills and positive mindset required for success in school.

Reward yourself

Track progress: Reflect on all the assignments you’ve completed and your grades to remind yourself that you’re capable!

Completing to-do lists daily maintains a sense of accomplishment which keeps your momentum going. Check those items off! Or give yourself gold stars! ⭐️

Treat yourself with non-food rewards: Tie completed school work with fun tasks like video games, or take yourself out for coffee, or some other small (non-food) outing. What I’m trying to do right now is not do my leisure activities until my daily tasks are done.

Develop a positive mindset

Take promises you make to yourself seriously. The more you break promises to yourself, the easier it will get to continue breaking promises. You will lose respect for yourself which lowers motivation, and you will lose trust in yourself which can become debilitating as well. The more you keep promises, the easier it will get, the more motivated you’ll become, and the more you’ll trust and respect yourself. Your confidence will improve, and you’ll feel better about yourself. Productivity is choosing yourself. Discipline is choosing what’s best for you instead of what you feel like doing in the moment. Discipline is a muscle, and like any muscle, it can be strengthened, and it can atrophy.

Remember your “why.” What is the end goal of being in school? What’s your career path, and why did you choose it? What will your life be like when you have that career? What would your life be like if you gave up and didn’t make it to your goal? Aiming for your dream while running from your nightmare is a great strategy for maintaining motivation. Lighting a fire under your *** can be a huge motivator.

Remember how good you feel when you get schoolwork done, and let this motivate you to stay consistent. You can also remember how you feel when you don’t get work done, but definitely focus more on the positive!

Go to therapy and/or hire a coach. There are SO many benefits to therapy and I’d honestly need a whole other post to get into it. You don’t need to be depressed or mentally ill at all in order to benefit from talking to a therapist. They can even help you with time management, procrastination, motivation and more! If you can afford it, please do it. It’s such a worthwhile investment.

Be consistent

No “zero days.” Do at least a bit of homework or studying every day so you don’t slip into vacation mode. Make schoolwork a daily part of your life, so it just becomes the norm.

Build productivity momentum (track progress, check items off your to-do list daily, treat yourself, keep promises to yourself, remember your “why,” remember how success feels).

Stay on top of projects. Your assignments are made up of smaller tasks you assign yourself across time. “Success is the sum of small efforts repeated day in and day out.” - Robert Collier

Avoid burnout (more on this later).

Keep it interesting (more on this later).

Avoid burnout

Self-care: shower and/or bathe regularly, maintain proper sleep habits, stay hydrated, take care of your skin, do relaxation activities like meditation and reading, do fun activities, pamper yourself every now and then with face masks or foot baths, take your meds as prescribed, eat well and regularly, get outside often, move daily, etc.

Break up study/homework sessions into small, manageable chunks of time, with constructive (refreshing) breaks in between.

Break assignments down into even smaller tasks so that you aren’t over-working yourself during the course of a day, and so that you don’t overwhelm yourself (the stress can lead to burnout).

School-life balance: Keep up with your social life as best as you can, make time for your hobbies, maintain self-care, say no to things that don’t serve you, etc. Try to follow through with scheduled schoolwork 100% of the time, but know that you won’t. Sometimes you’ll need to prioritize mental health over schoolwork (be careful though, this is a very fine line, and a slippery slope). Sometimes things will come up and it’ll be out of your control. But more than anything else, there will be times when you just decide to prioritize something else like fun and socializing over schoolwork. This is why your schedule needs to be flexible: to accommodate sudden invites to hang out and random decisions to skip a homework/study session, but more importantly, flexibility will reduce the odds that you’ll skip in the first place. If your schedule includes hobbies and socializing, and anything else that’s important to you, then you won’t feel deprived. If you have school-life balance, you’ll have more of yourself to devote to schoolwork when it’s time to.

Keep it interesting

Romanticize your life by putting effort into making all of your daily tasks a special occasion.

Make meals and drinks special by using your favourite dinnerware and cutlery. Perhaps even incorporate extra elements such as: a beautiful tablecloth, napkins, candles and/or dim lighting, music, wearing your favourite clothing, etc.

Pretend you’re the main character in a movie about a successful, productive student (because you are the main character in your life).

Make games out of studying if this is something that interests you (the Forest app comes to mind).

Use lots of colours in your notes and buy colourful stationary! 🌈

Vary your approach/methods if needed to avoid boredom.

Study with friends (online or in person).

Reward yourself often.

Remember your “why.”

[yukidragon]

Heeeey YukiDragon!

Big fan; been low-key tearing through your SDJ headcanons and making notes for a fic that I'm somehow 25K deep in after only a few days....

Anyway, wanted to ask: what do YOU think the sun in the corner of the screen when you play SJD indicates? Because *I* have thoughts...but I also wanted to pick your brain 👀

Apologies if you've already been asked this! 😅

I’m really glad you like my headcanons and that I could be helpful for your fic!

I haven’t been asked about this actually, and I happen to have a few thoughts and screenshots I’d like to share!

This took me a couple tries to capture the full title screen before the “start” button appears. I did it to get see more of the children’s drawing of the ‘84 incident where Jack died. The crying of Jack, the children, and the X eyes make it pretty clear that’s what’s being depicted.

You’ll notice in the corner that the sun with the red, yellow, and blue swirls is obscured by a crinkled cloud, and three primary colors are awash in a layer of bloody red. This affects the border around the game as well.

We get to see this cloudy sun more clearly once we start the game... while Jack is talking to his sunshine for the first time.

There’s a cloud obscuring the sun, and all the colors are washed out in an unpleasant shade of gray. The border similarly is washed out. Curiously the text box is normal and vividly colored.

Then, when we jump ahead to MC’s monologue that takes place after they’ve started living with Jack and accepted him as a part of everyday life, the colors are vibrant all around. There’s no cloud blocking the sun. The corner icon remains like this for the rest of the game regardless of choices, including in the mini story with Ian at the end.

I want to show all three versions of this icon up close and side by side so you can see the difference better for yourselves.

I think the symbolism is pretty obvious here. The cloud and unpleasant colors muting the bright and cheerful colors that represent Sunny Day Jack... I imagine this is going to be an indication of when the relationship with Jack is deteriorating... or perhaps his mind.

I honestly hadn’t noticed this detail until someone pointed it out in this post, then I searched for every instance where this might change. I would’ve assumed that we might see it cloudy again in the “no” route, but it was still the sunny version there too.

What I suspect is that the user interface we see during the game is going to be affected by the route we’re on and the choices we make, specifically when it comes to our relationship with Jack and how it affects his state of mind. When everything is positive and MC’s feelings towards Jack are favorable, it’ll be sunny and colorful. When it’s negative... that’s when the cloud comes in and the colors are muted.

I suspect that when things start going this negative route, the interface in the text box is going to change as well. We might see dingier colors, stains, or even tears in the paper. After all, we’re given crinkly paper textures and folded up stickers in the regular interface. The cloud over the sun is especially crinkly. We might get more font changes as well besides just red text.

In this way, the game user interface is doing some storytelling here, likely giving us a hint of Jack’s state of mind. He is solidly in the mindset of Sunny Day Jack, who is all colorful, cheerful, and even child friendly.

Starting to lose his sunshine... that’s going to make Jack start to degrade, I think. His grasp on reality and his sunshine’s love is slipping. He is at risk of being forgotten in that cold, sleepless static hell where God had abandoned him...

I think that as Jack’s sanity starts slipping, that’s when the framing is going to be darker, more unsettling. Jack has the potential to be our foe after all, and he’s certainly a yandere considering what he does to Nick no matter what choices we make in the demo...

If I was to make a guess about what these mean currently... The red version with the cloud is the harshest of them all. It could, in a very real sense, represent Jack while he’s trapped in hell, reliving his gruesome death over and over again. He can’t leave it until MC plays the tape... or we start the game.

Then things change for Jack. He’s not reliving his death, he’s interacting with someone. He’s still wounded, as evidenced by the dimmed colors and the cloud obscuring his sun. MC doesn’t care for him yet because they don’t know him yet. However, by contrast the text interface is colored cheerfully, almost welcoming. The presence of someone interrupting his hell and reaching out to him gives him hope.

Then finally... everything is bright. MC wants Jack around no matter the route. They want him in their life to be their friend, or maybe more. They make him feel love, which of course makes him feel happy. He loves them. He’s free. He’s warm and basking in their happy light. Everything will be wonderfully sunny... as long as no one takes his sunshine away.

What’s interesting too is that by showing that the game’s interface is malleable in this way... it might hint that Jack could be a character who breaks the 4th wall and addresses the player directly at some point. After all, we’re the ones that start the game and let him live again. We’re supporting him and the game being made in the first place. It could even be more confusing to him why we would pick the “no” option when we’re literally playing the game for his company and love.

Personally, I think this is just a meta touch for us as players. It’s much too soon to jump to the conclusion that Jack is a 4th wall breaking entity like Monika from Doki Doki Literature Club, Flowey from Undertale, or other games like that where the characters address the player directly. We haven’t gotten any real hints that he’s interested in us, the player, rather than the MC we’re guiding through the story. MC does have their own personality after all, and a pretty strong one.

Still... it would make sense why Jack can read MC’s thoughts if he was a 4th wall breaker. After all... he could just be reading their narration right alongside us.

@channydraws @earthgirlaesthetic @sai-of-the-7-stars @cheriihoney @illary-kore @okamiliqueur  

[kaijime]

watch your mouth

includes. osamu miya x f!reader

cw. corruption kink, virgin reader/first time, osamu wants to breed u <33, dubcon, kitchen sex? [it’s in his shop so?], fingering, pierced dick [prince albert piercing], vaginal penetration, size kink, praise kink, tummy bulge, breeding kink, slight dumbification, creampie, thigh slapping?

wc. 3k

a/n. my piece for @seita’s corrupt-a-virgin collab, thank you for letting me join!!

osamu miya likes to think he follows a strict routine. he wakes up early, shows up for his job, works, and goes home, waiting for tomorrow to arrive and the cycle to repeat itself.

but ever since you've entered his restaurant, you've become a part of his routine.

he sits behind the kitchen counter, watching in admiration how you tend to the customers. he'd be lying if he said he wasn't staring at your ass, but it’s not a lie if he doesn't say it right?

"samu?" there's that nickname again, the one you deemed him ever since that interview for the part time job. "this customer says you forgot to give her a part of her order"

"no i didn't"

"yeah, look" you approach him with the receipt in hand, pointing to a small part of the inked writing. "see?"

he can't see. or at least he can't see the receipt. he's too focused on you, pressing up against him. he knows you're not at fault, but you couldn't be that innocent.

you couldn't be innocent enough to not know the things you were doing to him, the things you were making him feel, the urges that blossomed with every lingering look and longing touch you left on his body. you just couldn't be.

right?

yet, even when his idiotic brother dropped by his shop and shamelessly started flirting with you, you, it seemed like you didn't catch onto what he was doing.

"what's the freakiest place you've ever had sex in?" the fake blond asked, and osamu would've stopped him, if he wasn't curious to hear the answer for himself. still, he doesn't drive his full attention away from the counters he's been wiping, seemingly focused on the simple task.

you chuckled awkwardly under your breath. "that's inappropriate, tsu-"

"c'mon, tell me" he bumps his elbow against yours "can't be that bad"

"no i-... i've never uhm..." osamu can tell you're stumbling and stuttering to find an answer, so he lends you a few helping words.

"'tsumu” he calls "will ya stop harrassin' my employees?"

"'m just talkin' to her samu, no need to make a big fuss" he downs the last of his food and leaves, supposedly in a sudden rush.

it doesn't seem like it’s been hours since then, but the moon hangs low, and the crickets sing outside the window in spite of the late hour. despite the passing of time, not a single word has been said between you and your boss about the conversation you had with his brother, and every minute that passes only seems to thicken the tension between the two of you.

"shit" you mumble, mostly to yourself. you didn’t expect him to shoot up from his place, bent down searching through the lower cabinets.

"watch yer mouth" he says, an evident frown on his face, where he would once smile at you and nod in greeting.

"sorry" you reply, lip pouting slightly while you cleaned off your finger with a paper towel "just got a papercut" the blood tints the paper red and you wince at the stinging sensation.

"here" he holds out his hand to examine yours, even though you already cleaned most of it off, there's still a slight trickle of blood. he wipes it out with the towel he always hangs on his shoulder.

as he cleans your hand, he can't help but think about how it'd look so pretty wrapped around his cock. it would certainly bring more relief than his fist after all this time he's spent thinking about you while stroking himself late at night.

it’s not the first time thoughts like these cloud osamu's mind, but this time he's a little less discreet about it. he stares at your hand like he wants to devour it, and you'd be a fool not to notice it.

"samu?" you call out to his faraway mind, and he snaps out of his thoughs, loosening his grip around your hand.

"right" he mumbles, clearing his throat "sorry"

"thank you" you almost whisper, if he wasn't so close to you, he probably wouldn't have heard it.

he turns and goes back to the cabinets, thinking about what you answered earlier. you'd never what? had sex? were you that uncorrupted?

it would make sense to him, and it would help ease the pain of seeing you let his brother flirt with you like he wasn't even there, but those are all selfish reasons he wants to believe, and he's too scared to ask.

apparently not scared enough.

“what were ya talkin’ about with my brother” he asks, nonchalant as ever, making your breath hitch as you turned around hesitantly.

“we were just chatting” you say, the slightest purse on your lips that tried to relieve the nervousness of the conversation.

“sorry about that” he apologizes. “he can be annoyin’ sometimes”

“oh no, he wasn’t” you lie, clenching around the table cloth you held in your hands. even if the talk had been going smoothly, you still felt on edge after the question his brother left you thinking about. “he was really friendly”

“really?” his hands find comfort in his pockets, and if you’d looked close enough, you would’ve seen the slight smirk in his lip, one that indicates how eager he is to hear what you had to say. “then why didn’ you answer his question?”

if only you knew how much it mattered to him, to know if you were a pretty untouched virgin or not. osamu miya likes to go for girls like you, college girls who look for a quick cashgrab as a part time employee, innocent little girls who unknowingly fall for his charms and next thing you know he’s ruining them with his cock.

but you feel different, you feel delicate. like a pretty piece of porcelain he might break if he continues to toy with you under his calloused hands. yet, he can’t help but think about how perfect he finds your body. perfectly ripe and ready to be filled to the brim with his seed, the perfect age to be plump and round with a child. his child.

“does it matter?”

oh, it does, especially when he pins you against the counter and grips your cheeks between his thumb and his index finger. “samu?” you ask, displaying that innocent look on your face he’d grown to hate.

“i told ya to watch yer mouth” his hands roam down your body until they grab at the back of your thighs. “now jump”

“samu i- i’ve never done anything like-“

“i said jump” hesitant with your actions, you jump and wrap your legs around his waist as he settles you on the shop counter, where he takes off your pants and runs a finger over your clothes slit.

“please” you grip his wrist and beg in hopes for him to stop, but he slaps it away, pinning them behind you with his other hand. he slides your panties down your legs and plays with your clit, circling the nub with his fingertips and watching as your expression changes from one of fear to pleasure.

“please what?” his breath shudders against your neck, where he nuzzles his head and finds comfort in your scent. he slowly inserts a finger into your hole, scanning your face and searching for any signs of discomfort, despite him practically forcing you into this position.

you’re not strong enough to answer him, too lost in the way his fingers feel inside you. you’d been too afraid to do anything by yourself, but god did it feel so good when you gave yourself up to him, slightly bucking your hips into his thrusting fingers and arching your back into his frame.

he’s fond of every little expression you make, the bite of your lips, the clench of your thighs around his hand, and the tilt of your head, willingly granting him access to the skin, all for him to mark, bite and suck. all for him to claim as his.

“d’ya like it?” he asks, putting another one of his fingers to use inside your tight walls, feeling them clench and suck his fingers back inside every time he was close to taking them out.

“yes! yes! i-i... mmh!” you can’t even finish the sentence, not only because you’re sobbing and clenching around his digits uncontrollably at the foreign yet pleasurable sensation, but also because his lips suddenly enclosed yours in a hungry kiss.

he didn’t even have to put up a fight with you, pleased to find you let him do whatever he wanted with your mouth. his tongue tangles with yours in a passionate clash of lips, until he pulls away at the feeling of your hips wildly bucking against his hand, a sign of your inevitable orgasm approaching.

“feels weird ‘samu! ‘s-‘samu please!” the implication of your sensations being new to you made his cock strained against his pants, threatening the thick fabric of his jeans to snap if he grew even harder. the tight knot in your stomach finally snaps when he curls his fingers, sending you into ecstasy as your vision blocked out and you moaned uncontrollably loud.

still, after everything, osamu hasn’t forgotten where he is, and he knows his shop isn’t a decent place to lose your virginity. so he puts you down with shaky legs and slips up your panties, catching you before your trembling thighs can treason you and make you fall.

“do ya have a car here?” he says, grabbing his keys from the counter and puts a hand on your hip, guiding you over to the door which he locks before he continues to walk to his car. the dim lighting of the parking made this the perfect spot, if he were to fuck you in his car, no one would see it. but he has self control, or at least he tells himself that.

“no, my friend usually picks me up” he hums an answer and opens the passenger door to his car.

“i live a few minutes from here” he explains “wanna come over?” he asks, fully aware that he’s taking a leap of faith and you could just refuse him. but that’s not the case, and he’s more than happy to see you hesitantly get in his car and put your bag in your lap, covering yourself as much as you can since he ‘forgot’ to give you back your shorts.

the short ride to his house is awkwardly silent, and terribly torturous. his hand had found home in your thigh, and it had only sent an ache between your legs like you’d never felt before, prompting a clench from your thighs every so often.

he wasn’t lying, he only lived ten minutes away from his shop, but the distance seemed so much longer when his lingering touch would leave you high with the need for more.

“you ready?” he asks, holding the door open for you again as he waits for you to take his hand and get out of his car. he’s quick with hoisting you up and wrapping your thighs against his hips, carrying you to his doorway and leading the way to his room. there, he gently placed you on the bed and stripped off his clothing, taking off the apron he should’ve taken off at the shop, his shirt, his pants and—

“eager?” he can see the wanting look in your eyes, he’d be a fool not to notice it. his voice only startles you out of your thoughts, enough to make you stand up and take off your shirt as well, now fully exposed to him if it weren’t for the bra covering up your tits. there’s only so much he can hold back, but right now, with those pretty puppy eyes you unintentionally give him, he just can’t help it when he takes off your bra and slightly suckles at your nipple, circling his tongue around your perky nub and watching your face warm up in embarrassment.

he takes you to his bed again, this time while he plants kisses all over your neck. he’s hungry with the way he nips and bites at the skin, leaving a trail of teeth marks that would need to be covered up in the morning. in the morning, because right now, you couldn’t be bothered to care about anything else other than the way he rutted against you.

his cock already seemed big when he hadn’t taken off his briefs, so it shouldn’t have come as a surprise when he slipped them off and rubbed his tip against your clit, right?

he was huge, thick tip dripping precum, with a girth that looked too big to be real, pulsing against your pussy. he positions it against your drooling hole, using your slick to lube up his tip and feeling— metal?

you sit up, leaning against your elbows to see the prince albert piercing that runs along his tip, metal jewelry threatening to slip into your pussy, but you put a hand on his chest to stop him.

“i-it won’t fit!” you kick and shake your thighs around him, only for him to put your ankles together and fold your legs over his shoulder, pinning you down and slipping in the pierced head of his cock. you wince and gasp at the sudden stretch, silenced by his mouth clashing against yours, eagerly nipping at your bottom lip, desperate to drink in all your saccharine moans.

“good girl” he praises, slipping in inch by inch of his cock into your tight virgin walls “fuck- this tight little cunt is suckin’ me in, want ma cock princess? yeah? gonna stuff ya full of me ‘til ya can’t even speak, you’ll just be a dumb baby for me”

“hurts!” your words only drive him closer to shoving himself in one smooth thrust, but he holds back, he sees how much you struggle to take barely half of him, he wants to make this good for you to. he wants to make your first time your best time, the one you’ll remember and think about if you ever fuck another man. he wants to mold your insides to fit his cock perfectly, he wants to train you to be his perfect little girl who won’t find another way to get off if she doesn’t have his cock, he wants you to depend on him to always make you feel good.

“‘s ok princess” he leans down, folding you into a mating press as he kisses your neck and slips in the last of his cock, covered in a thin layer of white sheen. “my good girl, creamin’ around me” he mumbles against your ear while he starts a slow pace into your pussy, carefully rutting his hips into you, almost afraid he would break you. “so pretty”

“please!” you sob, tears stream down your face despite his carefulness, it would break his heart, but he can feel the way your own body betrays you, clenching around him and pulling him in for more of the delicious sensation of his cock dragging against your walls. “so big! c-can’t take it!”

“sure ya can, look” he puts a hand to your tummy, guiding you to do the same as he puts his hand over yours. there’s a small bulge, that appears and disappears whenever he thrusts in and out. “you’re takin’ it so well princess, keep yer hand right there” his other hand starts working tight circles against your clit, making you throw back your head at the sudden sensation.

“no! if you do that i-!”

“what are ya gonna do? cum? clench around my cock like yer doin’ right now every time i praise ya?” you fist the sheets to your sides, anything to relieve the aching between your legs and the tight knot that keeps forming in your stomach again.

“please don’t!” you desperately paw at his wrist, only to be slapped away and for him to increase the speed of his cock, rutting into your with more force. suddenly, the head of his piercing hits a different spot, one that left you gasping for air and arching your back against the mattress. “ah! right there- right there ‘samu!”

“yeah? you like it when i fuck ya right there?” he parrots, angling his hips at the same spot over and over, abusing it until he’s sloppily thrusting into you, on the verge of cumming and spilling all his load into you. “my pretty girl, moanin’ like a bitch in heat, all because i’m makin’ ya feel good”

“yes ‘samu! please please, please m-make me feel good! wanna cum, please!” fresh tears roll down your cheeks as you scream and beg for him, unwillingly rutting your hips against him as you cum around his cock, your high too much for your sensitive body as you whine uncontrollably when he doesn’t stop. you’re too overstimulated to say a word, gone too dumb on his cock to even realize that you’re babbling little nonsense words about how good you feel, and how much you want him.

“dumb lil’ thing” he says, giving one sharp, final thrust before he empties his load between your legs, deep inside you, careful not to move you too much in fear of his cum spilling out of your clenching hole.

he’s right, you are a dumb little thing, because as soon as he pulls out you’re desperately bucking your hips, blindly searching for him in hope he would fill up the sudden emptiness in your pussy, unintentionally spilling all his hard work between your thighs.

“no!” he grunts, slapping your thigh and grounding you to the mattress as you wince in pain, dark color blossoming at the skin where he’d placed the spank. “look what you’ve done, bad fuckin’ girl” he says, the sudden tone shift sends a tinge of fear all over your body, and you’re reduced to nothing but a kin to a stray puppy, a terrible look of guilt in your eyes, even if you don’t realize what you’ve done wrong.

“look at the mess you made” he mumbles, flipping you over and placing ass up “now i’m gonna have to fill ya up all over again”

©️ kaijime 2021 | all content belongs to kaijime, do not modify or repost

[blackswan18]

Shattered Glass | kth - Fic Announcement

Series Summary: They say time heals all wounds, but it's been eight years since you cut each other out of your lives and the pain is still sharp as ever. You were the best of friends, and a whisper of something more, but the future you once dreamed of shattered in the blink of an eye. Thrust back together by a twist of fate, you find yourselves torn between the past and the present as you struggle to pick up the pieces.

Pairing: idol!taehyung x idol!reader

Genre : idol!au (mostly canon-compliant), friends to enemies to idiots to lovers (these two will put you through the ringer), mutual pining, fluff, heavy angst, eventual smut, slow burn

Rating: 18+

Warnings: swearing, alcohol consumption, serious trust issues, physical violence (not with each other), mentions of past sexual abuse and infidelity, explicit sexual content; chapters will have their own warnings!

Schedule: Fall 2022

Taglist: Please comment or send an ask to be added!

a/n: I wrote half of this last year before getting pregnant with my daughter, but have been stalled out since then. I'm hoping that by posting this announcement I'll magically find the motivation to finish this once and for all :)

teaser below the cut

⋘ ──── ∗ ⋅ Taehyung ⋅ ∗ ──── ⋙

When Taehyung’s gaze landed on you, he nearly choked on his martini. The drink - his third of the night - was in clear violation of the personal rule he usually adhered to of having no more than two drinks while at any Big Hit-sponsored events. While his tolerance had improved significantly over the years, he still never wanted to take any chances, knowing how quickly a light buzz can morph into much more if you aren’t careful. Being that one inebriated idiot in a room full of mostly sober people was never a good look, but it was far worse when some of those people were your bosses or, if you were really having a bad day, members of the media.

And yet, there he was, well on his way to legitimate drunkenness.

You must have arrived recently because there was absolutely no way he wouldn’t have spotted you sooner. Your dress was bright red, the same exact shade of red as a stop sign, he couldn’t help but notice. It was form fitting, falling just above the knee, with a sweetheart neckline and halter tie strap. You’d paired it with matching red stilettos and a few simple pieces of silver jewelry. Your hair was up in one of those perfectly messy buns, your lips painted scarlet. 

You and the other girls from Red Velvet were on the far side of the room in the middle of a conversation with the guys from TXT. You appeared to be telling some sort of story, having apparently just said something hilarious given the way the guys all threw their heads back in laughter. You were smiling back at them, looking confident and relaxed, elegant yet sexy, truly and utterly stunning.

And, just like that he was annoyed. 

You would dress like that tonight, wearing something so eye-catching that it made it virtually impossible for him to not let his gaze linger on your figure every time he stopped staring into the bottom of his glass. You would act so boldly, waltzing in here like you owned the place, talking and laughing with his friends while he sulked alone in the corner. You would be completely unaffected by his presence, that is, if you even noticed he was there.

Watching with narrowed eyes as you leaned in to whisper something into Yeonjun’s ear, his grip on the glass in his hand tightened. You were the reason why he’d broken his two-drink rule within an hour of arriving at the party. In fact, you were the reason why he’d been drinking more and sleeping less and losing his grip entirely these last few months. Since the moment Bang PD told them of the acquisition, he’d been living in a constant state of low-level, but ever-growing anxiety. 

He had long ago locked you in a box and thrown away the key, taking all that you once were and never would be and erasing it from his waking mind. You were meant to stay in there forever, but now here you were, crashing back into his life and threatening to ruin everything. Just looking at you was stirring up memories and feelings he hadn’t the slightest clue how to deal with, ones that were still sharp and terrible as ever, even after all this time.

As he took another recklessly large gulp of his drink, he seriously considered making a break for it through the emergency exit behind him. Clearly the two of you would cross paths sooner or later now that you worked for the same company, but he wanted to delay that reunion for as long as humanly possible. Having not had a legitimate conversation with you in almost a decade, he had absolutely no idea what he was going to say to you. 

Despite the fact that you were both K-pop idols, and therefore members of a rather small circle, the two of you had done a remarkable job of avoiding one another over the last few years. Belonging to different management companies had certainly helped in that regard, as did the fact that you didn’t share any mutual friends. Although BTS and Red Velvet often attended the same award shows, there were usually so many people there that you didn’t run into each other. On the rare occasions when your groups had been forced to interact on stage or on the red carpet, the two of you had donned your most convincing smiles and pretended to be friendly, casual acquaintances. 

The only truly meaningful correspondence you’d had since high school was three years ago when his grandmother died and you sent your condolences in a handwritten letter. It had taken him two days to build up the courage to open it. The instant he started reading, he broke down. There on the page before him, in the same neat handwriting that used to appear on folded notes tucked into his backpack, were the most heartfelt, sorrowful words. 

You had met both his grandparents many times when you came with him to visit their farm in Daegu, but you’d always had a special relationship with his grandmother. Having never met either of your own, you said that she filled the hole in your heart by showering you with love and affection as if you were one of her own grandchildren. From the scattered blotches of smeared ink he could tell that you’d cried while writing the letter which absolutely shattered him. He hated it when you cried, especially when he wasn’t there to comfort you. 

The letter he wrote in response was five pages long. Into it, he poured his entire soul, telling you how happy he was to hear from you and how much it meant to him that you’d remembered his grandmother. He told you that she always loved you and that she asked about you every single time he called to talk to her, even after you’d stopped speaking to one another. He recounted some of your fondest memories from the farm like that time you got stung by a bee on the tip of your nose and looked like Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. 

He asked about your family, wondering if they still lived in Jeonju and if you were able to see them often. He asked how you’d liked living in New York City and mentioned how impressed he was with your English. He congratulated you on joining Red Velvet, confessing that he’d been following your career closely for the past year and was so proud of how seamlessly you’d filled the role of main vocalist. 

And, he told you that he missed you. He told you he missed you so much that it hurt and that he thought about you every single day. He apologized again for the awful things he said to you that fateful day all those years ago, telling you he truly didn’t mean any of it and that he was just sad and scared because you were going to be so far away from him for so long. He said he wished more than anything that you could be a part of his life again. He left his phone number and all but begged you to contact him before signing the letter, ‘Love Tae’.

But, you never did. 

You never wrote back. You never texted. You never called.

Deep down, he had been holding out hope that you would come back to him one day, but your silence made him realize that was nothing more than wishful thinking. You had written out of respect for his grandmother, nothing more. You had moved on and carved out a new life for yourself, one in which he did not have a place. 

You were no longer his best friend. You were no longer his princess. You were no longer his anything.