#this is not a vague i can confidently say this has happened to me 50-100 times since i started gaining followers a few years ago

[soracities]

how do you know when you're getting good at poetry? everybody dunks on halsey and rupi kaur's poetry, and i never really got why and idk if that's what i sound like

Honestly, I don't think there's ever a point at which you "know" you're getting good at poetry--I think "good" and "bad" are kind of vague and amorphous (and distracting) categories that don't do much in helping us understand the feel and impact of certain writing, chiefly because they can also be deeply subjective. How a poet views a particular work and how a reader views it will be very, very different because their relationship to the work is different. I also think "good" is a sort of external category that does not (or should not) carry into the act of writing itself--when you make "is this good?" the chief consideration as you write, you're not actually present in the writing: you're focused on the finished product, not the process, but the process is the most important thing: that's where the poem actually meets you. I think growth, in writing, is less about knowing if you're "good" in this regard, and more about being able to have confidence, or simply just trust, in the writing as it happens.

There's a famous saying somewhere that a work of literature is never "finished"--it just stops. I think skill, when it comes to writing, lies in recognising where this point is, in learning and developing how you navigate what it is you want to say, and how you say it. Some poems, eventually, reach a point where you can take them no further and you know there is nothing more to be said in them or through them. Some poems reach a point where you can take them no further, but there is still something left to be said in them. Those poems get revisited, worked, and reworked again, until they (maybe) get close to the first category: this may mean you work on them for a few weeks, or for years--but either way you are prioritizing the process of making the poem, not how it will be received. "Is this a good poem?" in my view at least, is not really the relevant question--what's relevant is "is this true to what I wanted to say?" Leonard Cohen famously wrote over 100 drafts of "Hallelujah"--I don't know if the central question for him here was just a matter of his skills as a songwriter.

Regarding Halsey and Rupi Kaur, I've only been able to read Halsey's poems through previews on Google Books so I don't know what other people's critiques are--based on what I saw, though, I don't know if it makes sense to criticize their quality as "poems" when she is primarily a songwriter and a lot of those poems wound up as songs. I'm more familiar with Rupi Kaur's writing, though, and others like her (Atticus, Michael Faudet etc), and while I have a personal policy of not getting into Kaur online (there's an ask here which is about as much as I'm willing to say regarding my feelings on her writing)--I can get into this trend or poetry "style" as a whole. And to be honest I think the chief issue here with poetry like this is that poetry, by definition, involves a deep and intimate relationship with language: this holds true regardless of whether the poem is simple, or complex, whether it's 5 lines long or goes on for 50 pages. As I said in that previous ask, it's not something you can reduce to a formula, nor is it a matter of mere reportage or a collection of statements: what makes a poem has nothing to do with line breaks (prose poems exist), but everything to do with how the language moves, how the language of a poem engages with its own content, with itself, and, as a result, with the reader.

The kind of work that proliferates on Instagram does not have that kind of engagement with language--they are, to me, pieces of information more than anything else. They reduce language to a series of stock phrases that act, not as actual words, but as images (and I don't mean this in a visually evocative way). It tries to evoke something that requires a thoughtful and sustained examination in order to be expressed, by surpassing the reality of what that examination actually requires. It tries to ape the effect of a powerful poem without the work that goes into actually being able to make that kind of a poem in the first place: and that work is a sustained encounter and confrontation with the language used and its relationship to what it tries to convey, in understanding that words are not interchangeable blocks you move around willy-nilly but that they have weight and intention, that they interact with each other to build up an idea or a feeling or a landscape in the most accessible way (insofar as language can make anything accessible, at least). But this is rarely, if ever, felt in IG poetry because it refuses to recognize or respect the demands and requirements of the medium it uses.

And because it is lacking in this engagement and recognition, these poems are also, for the most part, lacking sincerity--and this, to me, is one of the most crucial things when it comes to writing. I recall one IG poet whose work was in the same class as someone like Atticus, but I also recall one of his poems which genuinely moved me--and it moved me because, unlike everything else on his account, that poem felt sincere: the structure and the language wasn't any different to anything else he wrote, but in reading it, it was not a question for me of whether it was "bad" or "good"--what made the impact was that it was honest: and the difference showed. You can't come into a poem with ulterior motives. You can't come into it without an understanding, or respect, for the language you use. I'm absolutely not policing what people should or shouldn't read, and I'm not saying people are wrong for liking these poems, either, or that Halsey, Kaur, Atticus et al., are wrong for writing them. Expression is expression, and what speaks to you speaks to you. And to be honest, it is a different kettle of fish when you are writing something purely for yourself (and I think allowing yourself to partake in any kind of artform, without worrying about needing to be good at it, is deeply important for the human spirit)--but because they are putting their work out publicly, if we are going to be evaluating what they write and how they write it, that evaluation has to be rooted in an understanding of the art form they intend their work to be a part of.

For me, these are the main issues I have with these writers and their work and why I just do not like them. But I also want to stress that, ultimately, what you sound like in your own poems, anon, does not matter as much as being sincere to yourself does. As I said, I don' like using terms like "good" and "bad" and I think that often they're fairly reductive (and sometimes outright pointless) categories to use when we talk about and assess poetry--more than anything else, the key to building a robust and informed discernment when it comes to poems is to simply just read--read a lot of it and read widely. The broader and richer your repository of poetry (and literature in general) is, the more informed you are when it comes to all the different ways language can move through a poem, and all the different impacts it can have as a result. It deepens and enriches your understanding of all the different ways of looking at something, questioning something, expressing something. Your vocabularly grows and deepens; your net of associations--visual, linguistic etc--strengthens. And when this understanding grows you are able to place the things you read into a much wider and far more informed context. And this in turn allows you to grow as a reader and a writer. I hope this helps you a little, anon 💕

[bipercabeth]

does it ever get weird being a big blog and having all these strangers want to be friends with you? i used to want to be tumblr famous but ur blog changed my mind

this made me chuckle but yeah it’s definitely weird! i wouldn’t call myself tumblr famous by any means but having a lot of followers really opened my eyes to how weird the world of parasocial relationships is as someone who had never been on the receiving end of that energy. i’m really glad that i give off positive vibes and people want to be my friend, but there’s really no easy way to respond to people when they say that. i’m a pretty honest and vulnerable person so i think it’s quite easy to scroll through my blog and get the sparknotes version of me, but the lengths people will go to cram me into the personality they’re projecting truly know no bounds! people have mentioned me by both url and (first) name on platforms entirely outside of tumblr. people come into my inbox or dms unsolicited with Heavy and potentially triggering content because they saw me reblog poetry that made them think i’d relate enough to help them work through it. there was a whole month where i got shit on for setting the most (in hindsight) hilariously self-respecting boundaries because it shattered peoples’ previous pushover/obscenely kind image of me. and i think the weirdest thing about tumblr is that it’s truly isolated to this website. every other platform follows u to a certain degree but the anonymity of tumblr means i can log off and go about my own business OR log on and be either uplifted or harassed by thousands of people. it’s WEIRD. 

and the parasocial thing is just. i don’t know how to describe it. it’s not hard to tell when someone is interacting with you for parasocial reasons. if you have sent me 5+ asks off anon i definitely at least recognize ur url, same if you’re regularly in my notes (usually). there’s a stark difference between the people who hop into my inbox to yell about a chapter and cheer me on (love u guys so much i smile whenever i see ur urls) and the people who hop into my inbox hoping to spark more future interaction (derogatory). and that’s not meant to discourage potential friends like mutuals--i have absolutely slid into people’s dms with the hopes of becoming their friend. this is really hard to articulate but there is such a strong distinction between someone who interacts with and enjoys your content and someone who regularly follows and unfollows you, replies to posts that don’t require replies, sends you things “on accident”, etc. it’s not original! it’s transparent and wildly uncomfortable! 

basically i am grateful to this trash website for giving me some of my closest friends in life but those friendships were born from clear mutual desire and a healthy, mutual respect for boundaries without pressure or idolization. instead of like. projecting wildly and treating someone like a white whale 

[nevertheless-moving]

Could you talk more about your gumbo jar jar au or the frog one? 🐸

hm on close review the frog promise draft is a now redundant drabble from this au. Here it is in its entirety:

“I will never join you,” Luke said with a sneer of disgust.

Palpatine, as well as the nearby politicians, Jedi masters, and reporters were taken aback. 

“I’m afraid I don’t understand your meaning, Master Jedi,” the Senator said incredulously. “Do you mean to tell me that you consider yourself separate from the Republic? I know the Jedi Council had disavowed recognizing you but I never could have imagined...” he trailed off, leaving the crowd to murmur in alarm.

“I mean I will never join the Sith,” the rogue master replied calmly. “I imagine you’re responsible for the traces of the dark side I felt amongst the trade federation leaders.”

“The Sith...I see.” Palpatine took a step back, deliberately reassuring tone and alarmed expression clearly indicated that he suspected the man before him of insanity. “It’s been a very long day and you clearly intended to do good by my humble home world. Perhaps your fellow Jedi can take you to the healers so you can-”

“Why are you working alongside a Sith Lord?” Luke cut off the Senator and addressed Grandmaster Yoda directly. 

“A Sith Lord, you say?” Master Yoda replied. “A most serious allegation, this is.”

Basically, Luke derails the Naboo Crisis by absolutely annihilating the trade federation army, only realizing after the fact when and where he is. This means that Padme turns right around from Tatooine and never voices her vote of no-confidence. Now, Palpatine probably had contingency plans in place, but the public accusation by a Jedi of being responsible for the crisis in the first place, despite absolutely no evidence, hurts his image enough that he’s not going to win a vote, because people will think it’s a power grab. 

And it’s funny cause it’s true but Luke only barely knows that! He’s just accusing Palpatine of being behind the first evil thing he sees and he fuckin happens to be right!!!

Anyway Luke doesn’t focus on Palpatine; there are like 10,000 other Jedi around. He commits himself first and foremost to completing his training with Master Yoda because sometime Yoda just dies and fades into thin air so, you know! He’s not going to procrastinate on that again!

He goes before the council and humbly asks to be taken on Yoda’s student (this is right before Qui-Gon can ask about Anakin- literally, Anakin and Qui-Gon are in the waiting room). He gives several extremely vague banthashit explanations of who he is ‘I’m a follower of the Force,’ where he comes from ‘the Force sent me,’ and why they should train him when he’s way too old ‘the Force willed it.’ Yoda is somewhat impressed because those are some real unhelpfully wise answers and- here’s the kicker- Luke actually believes them! 

He is really committed to being a Jedi! Is 110% all about being a luminous being! This is several years after return of the Jedi and Luke has pretty much just been hanging out in force temples meditating with ghosts so he has quintessential Jedi vibes, he just knows jackshit about anything!

What really clinches it for Yoda is the fact that his robe pocket starts squirming and he pulls out a live Nabooian Salt Frog. And hands it to Yoda like, “These are one of your favorites right? :) I saw it and I thought of you :)”

Now Yoda- let’s step back a second. Yoda is old. Yoda, in his youth, was a bit more feral. He’s a top level predator and the order has always celebrated diversity and being true to your origins! He’s hunted with Tortugans on Shili! He’s unhinged his jaw with Besalisks on Ojom! 

But as the Republic’s boundaries caved in on themselves, he was more and more put into contact with Core senators who tend to be unnerved by more, ah, carnivorous tendencies. And the more he was put into high level positions by virtue of being really frickin old, the more restrained he became in his public behavior. 

Decades passed and younglings who only ever knew his more ‘harmless-prank’ feral tendencies were increasingly shocked and scared to see him occasionally unhinge his jaw to eat a scrocodile whole. Some of the prey-origin younglings from that field trip actually avoided him for the rest of the their lives.

So. Yoda is still a carnivore- but- in private. With his padawans and his closest peers. But his closest peers age and die and his padawans get younger and smaller as the decades pass. He took on two herbivorous padawans in a row and as a result restrained himself from openly hunting with another soul for around for 50 years.

And then there’s Dooku. ‘Ah a human,’ he thinks. ‘They hunt sometimes. Well. They’re omnivores at least.’

And Dooku is- and I’m not saying this to shame Dooku- but he’s prissy. He likes...neatness. He’s not afraid of violence but force forbid it’s untidy. So when Yoda, excited to get his ambush predation on, takes 14 year old Dooku who’s barely ever left the sterile confines of Coruscant on a trip to a swamp world- yeaaahh it doesn’t go well. Dooku- he doesn’t mean to, honestly. How would he even know that Yoda might be sensitive about things? He’s Yoda. 

But Dooku sobbing openly and puking a little in a bush and running away from Yoda because his Master is terrifying and gross. It... kind of puts the nail in the coffin for Yoda being open about that side of himself. He doesn’t really have it in him to try again. People’s view of him is too fixed, they can’t handle him also being a flesh creature so he focuses on the luminous side of him which is and always was, genuinely, more important than him.

And that’s been the last 100 years or so. The thrill of a live kill is just a little piece of himself that he meditates away and that’s ok. He has the force. He has the order. He’s old anyway, a real hunt would probably hurt his joints. 

And then in comes Luke, radiating Light and earnestness and Jedi serenity while also holding out a very tasty looking live frog. And Yoda realizes Dooku’s not around, he’s surrounded by a council he trusts and respects and likes, none of whom are 14 year olds, all of whom have seen the galaxy and seen worse. He is almost seizing the moment but there’s a little part of him that shriveled up when Dooku cried that’s having a hard time accepting this.

“Want it for yourself, you do not?” Yoda cackles, playing off the offer.

Luke smiles sheepishly and pulls out another live frog. “I was saving it for later. Forgive me Master, your senses are keen as ever I see.”

And Yoda...it’s not about the bribe, really, so much as the symbolism, and it’s not about the flattery either, but darn is the kid really pulling out the stops to make himself likable. And he is a kid, to Yoda anyway. Everyone is these days. What does he care about numbers when there’s a boy smiling like his third padawan, an adorable Rodian who took great delight in their more amphibious and wild missions?

Yoda snatches one of the frogs and slowly raises it in a parody of a toast. Luke does the same. The rest of the council quietly watches in various shades of bewilderment and bemusement.

They’re not actually going to eat that right? Mace thinks. Ugh I hate frogs the skin is so slimy. Shaak Ti thinks. I cannot believe they’re not even offering me one. Yaddle thinks.

And Yoda bites the head off the frog in a quick snap of his jaws, the rest following rapidly. Luke does the same- a slight assist from the force helping his less specialized mandible tear through skin and bone in a well practiced move. He chews slower, but finishes the frog soon enough, the rest of the council looking on with deep uncertainty and a tiny bit of hunger, but no actual fear. They’re Jedi Masters; they’ve eaten everywhere, it’s just a little weird for a human to be eating a live animal and Yoda as far as anyone knew only ate stew and also they were in the middle of a council meeting.

Yoda belches and Luke smiles genially.

“Take you on as my padawan learner, I will. Much to learn you have, much to teach you, I do.”

Luke beams. The council looks on in shock. 

“Master Yoda,” Mace Windu says hesitantly, “He’s clearly in his late 20s, at the earliest. If this is about the... frog thing-”

“Was a pleasant surprise, the frog. The reason for my decision, it is not. Had some training already, he has. Know each other before this day, we do. Taking over for a Master passed into the force, I am merely. Our custom, this is.”

Luke bows lowly and an initiate is summoned to escort him to the quartermasters and then the long-empty padawan suite next to Yoda’s chambers. 

Qui-Gon and Anakin are brought in and. Well. It’s a little hard for them to simply reject the boy after Yoda just pulled that stunt. He’s sent to the initiates dorm, eventually. Mace Windu has a headache from the shatterpoints blinking in and out of existence. Shaak Ti is delighted to discuss a hunting trip with Master Yoda and his new padawan learner Luke Svader. 

The force dances.

[lerbts]

The 8th Sibling

You smiled slightly at the sight of Vanya hanging out with not just Klaus and Allison, but Luther and Diego as well in the living room. It warmed your heart to see your so often neglected sibling get the love she deserved. 

You ignored the pang telling you to go join them and opted to hang in the shadows as you usually did. It wasn't that you were flat out ignored by the others; instead your ability just..wasn't helpful in combat. Until everything with Vanya happened. Luther wouldn't talk to you for 3 weeks after you refused to force Vanya into a manufactured calm. 

You'd always been closer to her than the others, save maybe Five at the time; like Hell were you going to betray her trust and manipulate her like that just because their neglect had forced her to such a frenzied state. Yours too though you tried to be there. 

You straightened a bit, and looked away nervously as Klaus brushed his fingers over Vanya's neck causing her to squeal. Your cheeks already starting to burn, you ducked your head and dissapeared as quietly as you had arrived, completely unaware of the perceptive eyes keeping watch of your every move. 

The next time it happened was family movie night. No getting out of that, typically squeezed between Klaus and Diego as you were but luckily the popcorn bowl was empty and you all but yelped as much as you swiped the bowl and were gone, your tiny frame letting you slip away as Allison scribbled at Luther's ear. 

A pop followed by a flash of blue you knew all too well and you willed your face to cool as you turned your back so you wouldn't have to face Five. 

"Why do you keep doing that?"

"Doing what?"

"...You know what. I'll spell it out if I have to but I guarantee you won't like it if your current state is any indication."

You barely held back your shiver at Five's smug tone but put your love of acting to good use as you put the kettle on. You'd need some sugary milk tea to get you through this shit and calm you down afterwards you could feel it. 

"I've got no idea what you're talking about."

You claimed innocently, and Five hummed from behind you as you grabbed a bag of microwavable popcorn and moved to cook it.

"Oh you don't?" 

Five stood in your path and you fought the urge to squirm under his scrutinizing stare. He'd always been closer with Vanya so why was he taking such an interest in you now? The defensive voice in you wanted to ask but the kindness you typically felt made you instantly tell it to shut up instead. You pasted on a vaguely confused smile. 

"Nope! I just need to put this in...one sec okay?"

You gently maneuvered your small frame around his and were relieved when he let you pass silently. You put the bag in and set the time without incident for 3 minutes and 30 seconds and when you went to walk past him again, squealed and hopped away as his nimble fingers squeezed your waist. Suddenly, as if by magic, you were red again. 

A smirk bloomed across his face as he seemingly got the reaction he wanted. 

"It is the tickling isn't it? I thought it was the bonding in general and I think that may be it to a lesser extent...but it's definitely the tickling itself that makes you so jumpy and flustered."

You went silent and refused to meet his gaze, leading to him prodding you verbally. 

"I'll be more direct. Why do you run away the second any kind of tickling-"

He blinked as you suddenly covered his mouth and you finally met his gaze, your own with a wild glint. 

"I'll tell you if you just please stop saying it!"

You squeaked as you realized what you'd done and scrambled away much to his amusement to where your tea was being made, pouring the hot water into your waiting cup and loading it with sugar to distract yourself.

"Even the word gets you? Are you like Klaus where it's a kink for you or...?"

The way your cheeks reddened further gave him his answer as did the way your shoulders slumped. Ah. That was why then. You were terrified they'd judge you. He barely withheld his laughter at the thought. As if. Every one of them had kinks or little flaws or insecurities. It was what made them all Human. 

He paused as you looked at him in hesitant curiosity. 

"K-Klaus has it too?"

He saw the question in your eyes and answered it, his smirk widening at the equally surprised and mortified look on your face. 

"Yup; he's a 50/50 Switch I'd say. I'm surprised I know that and you don't. Some days he's full ler, others full lee and most of the time he's happy to have either and gives as good as he gets."

He snatched the popcorn from the microwave as it finished beeping, opening it and starting to munch on it absentmindedly in amusement at how funny your reaction was to him. 

"Well...I wasn't exactly the closest with everyone. That didn't magically change when you left, y'know. But- why do you know all the lingo!?"

He quirked an eyebrow. 

"...Klaus confided in me one day. He was pretty high, probably doesn't remember it. He's always been a rambler though. Guess it's not too surprising." 

He looked you up and down and smirked as he noticed you shiver in response.

"Even if I didn't know the language- you're a 100% lee aren't you? You wouldn't get that flustered seeing others getting messed with if you weren't. You want to be the one getting tickled-" He placed special emphasis on the word now that he knew it bothered you and relished your flinch. "But you're too scared to ask for it. It's quite cute actually. Very in line with how you were when we were still kids. You never could ask for the things you wanted, or speak up. So…" He hopped off the counter with a flourish after putting the now empty bag aside. "I'm going to be a good big brother and help you out. Come with me."

He grabbed your hand after ensuring you weren't holding your tea mug and gently shoved you in front of the screen most of the others weren't watching anyway, mighty strong despite his younger appearance. 

"Listen up idiots. ______'s got something she wants to say." 

He turned to you expectantly with a mocking smile as you looked between him and your other siblings with wide, disbelieving eyes. 

Oh no way in fuck this was happening. 

Your eyes moved to both the stairs and the front door, weighing your chances but Five's clicking tongue made you stiffen and move your gaze towards him. 

"I wouldn't try it. I'll just teleport before you get far enough and then I'll show them. And I know you don't want that. Or...maybe you do. Either way; I'm not the kindest of our siblings in that regard so you may want to think twice before trying to get on my nerves. Just tell them."

"Okay will one of you please just say what's going on!?" 

Predictably, Diego was the first to snap, but the flinch you gave in response to his raised voice made him wince in sympathy. Whoops. 

Allison tried next, ever the mediator. 

"Whatever it is this is… I'm sure it's nothing bad right?"

You couldn't meet anyone's gaze now; Diego's loud proclamation had made you too cagey but you mumbled. 

"Define bad. It...d-depends on your perspective, I guess."

You risked a pleading glance towards Five, wishing a hole would appear to make you disappear. 

"Five, please you're literally killing me right now; this doesn't even matter okay? Can I please just go?" 

At your whining tone and childish reaction Five gritted his teeth in annoyance before he shrugged and nodded. 

"Yeah, alright fine you can go."

Your expression visibly relaxed but just as you took your first step, Five continued. 

"All she can't seem to say is that she has a tickle kink like Klaus and likes to constantly be on the receiving end instead of both like him."

You whirled to look at him with your mouth dropped open in shock, filter gone as betrayal fueled you.

"Five no-! You fucking little-"

You gritted your own teeth as he smiled in smug satisfaction up at you and clenched your fists with an upset huff, hating the way your eyes burned in humiliation.

"Y'know what? Whatever. It's not even fucking worth it.  I'll be gone by tomorro-AGH!" 

You shouted in surprise not having any time to wallow or finish your self deprecating words because suddenly Klaus was digging into your hips like a madman after tackling you to the floor and making you burst into giggles as you tried to weakly push him away in shock. 

"Wh-Whahahahay!?"

He rolled his eyes like it was obvious as he moved up to squeeze experimentally at your sides. 

"You may be the actress of the family; but I'm the only drama queen thank you very much. You're not going anywhere till I'm done with you!!" 

He cooed with a giggle of his own. 

"It's good to know anytime I'm in a ler mood I'll always have a cute little lee to wreck to oblivion."

"You always go red so easily…"

Diego's fond voice could be heard above you and you moved your eyes up a bit to see him crouching above your head as he traced feather light patterns into your underarms with his free hand as he held your hands down with the other. 

"To think you hid this from us for so long. Tsk tsk. Now we've got so much time to make up on...at least an hour a day."

Your eyes widened at that.

"N-No whahahay! I'd dhihihie!!"

He pretended to think before he smirked and traded out his hand for his knees letting both hands scribble into your exposed underarms. 

"Fine. A half hour a day then. Minimum. Final offer. Better hurry it's going fast...20 more seconds and it goes for 45 minutes…"

At his threat you cracked, reluctantly. 

"Okay okhahahay!! 30 minutes!" 

He smirked in satisfaction and his eyes lit up at the way you squealed when his fingertip accidentally brushed over your ear, focusing his attention there with manic glee. 

"Well now I know why you were always running away every time tickles came up." 

Vanya's sweet voice greeted you and you looked to your right to see her kneeling, Allison doing the same at your left. 

"You'd always run off, even when we were kids. I always thought it was too painful for you and it was probably that too but it also must've made you too shy to stand it."

She noticed your cute little pout at her vocalizing the word and her eyes glittered as she began ever so gently dancing her nails over your sides and ribs, Allison quickly mirroring her, though she didn't directly say anything to voice her approval; her actions spoke much louder anyway and you were sure you'd talk later. She wasn't as big on voicing her intimate feelings unless alone with the other person. Vanya had always been the merciful type and kept her knowledge to herself instead of tormenting you with it. 

And speaking of merciful…

You barely mustered a weak glare through your laughter and giggles as Five took Klaus' place straddling your waist, Luther easily holding your legs still with a single hand and scratching tentatively at your feet, clearly scared of hurting you while Klaus moved to your knees. 

Five's face screamed I told you so but you still managed to flip him off and stick your tongue out at him which made his eyebrows rise to his hairline before he made a show of rolling up his sleeves. 

"Aww you wanna be a little brat do you? After helping you confess your little secret and be accepted? Fine. But just consider I've y'know...done actual tickle torture to people. And gotten the info I wanted every time, might I add. So maybe think twice next time. Unfortunately… you've already sealed you fate for this session but hey; there's always tomorrow's thanks to Diego right?" 

And then you were screaming in laughter as he dug right into your hips, nailing every ticklish nerve possible and sending your body alight at the sensations combined from everyone. 

And eventually of course they pulled away at a stern look from Allison even as Diego patted you on the back and said he'd add the 15 minutes of time to tomorrow for you. 

It looked like you would be getting 45 minutes after all and as you were smothered in affection from your adoring siblings, each who loved and showed that love in different ways...you had to say you didn't mind nearly as much as you pretended to. 

[philip-seville-archive]

BDRP 2021 Resolutions

Write your RPer Resolutions for 2018! (What are some goals for yourself as a writer? Improve descriptions? Plot with more members? Etc.)

A silly goal but I would like another female character lol

More one-shots! I always have these ideas for them but because I let them grow too large in my brain or I feel like I need to turn them into a proper ‘short story’ I intimidate myself out of doing them and then let the opportunity to slide. So this year I hope to fix that and once again be more chillax with myself. (Though here is a shoutout to me bc I published some one-shots last year I was happy about, like Nemo’s “Breath,” Berlioz’s parentage reveal, and my John Darling stuff!) 

Do One Task Every Month. Another small but very doable goal 

Learn how to say no: ahaha this seems a weird thing to put here but its actually about events and i feel this is a safe space to admit that i love love events but they like, truly take a toll on my arthritic hands which means i really can only do two characters probably. But i feel bad only rping with just two ppl etc esp if other people hit me up, or if there are other people i WANT to rp with, so i end up not doing it at all because i get overwhelmed and feel like no one will believe me about my shitty hands (which is of course silly but man chronic illness anxiety am i right). Sooooo i need to find a better way to enjoy events and manage my own health! 

Finish some of the fairy lore stuff i got in the works lol 

Write at least one resolution, or “goal,” that you have as an RPer for your character(s)

These vaguely feel like spoilers but oh well i love spoilers 

Berlioz: Find His Daddy. Also groove room stuff. 

Hades: Pokevolve his emotional intelligence! Also would like to do more Board things with him actually, esp bc he will have to run for office so: focus on his political aspirations

Merida: Integrate into society! She is doing it more but I really hope her friendships with the knights will let her fully embrace herself again. ALSO ALSO alpha Merida! 

Charlie: Greater control over his magic and more confidence in himself. We gettin there bb

Ashleigh: Entangle her further with the knights/Henry and eventually reveal she’s a mara bc i would like that for Henry it will be horrifying for him

Nemo: embrace dance as a career option and therefore overcome the systematic factors that have convinced u that u cant! YOU CAN 

Jun: Date. (Horrifying for him. Not his goal.) Also just more hijinks, I love love hijinks, would love business-related hijinks. 

Olaf: Get more involved on campus!! More uni plots for him would be great esp when it comes to figuring out if he’ll stay on campus after this year (and also like how this affects his friendship with Sindri) 

Atta: QUEEN STUFF. This is first on my list so we’re gonna make you happen. Blow up Atta’s life, really make her deal with that imposter syndrome. Love it. 

Pip: Put the mortifying fear of being known into Pip. aka open up about his mum a bit with like, someone. Or just admit that the people he says are his enemies are actually his friends.

Write at least one resolution IN CHARACTER for your characters. What do THEY want to accomplish or change in the New Year?

Note that I love seeing which characters echo my goals and which ones don’t at all. It’s just fun and neat. Probably says something about each one’s emotional self-awareness. (Mostly pointing out how Hades is extremely self-aware i love that for him) 

TW: weight 

Berlioz: Literally nothing. Sorry he just thinks resolutions are stupid and life is pointless (he is in a state). 

Hades: Prepare for his election next year, raise his children well, help Belle in her recovery 

Merida: Assist King Arthur. Become a good alpha to Alice specifically (not u lou i mean like she is but she’s like that bitch doesnt need me) 

Charlie: Reup his certs! Figure out a specialty! 

Ashleigh: Revenge against Romeo, revenge against John Darling + company for destroying her tree 

Nemo: Get an apprenticeship this year. Work on Hangul. Lose seven stone. Work on wing sprints. Be better son. Be more responsible and help Appa. Get job again? ...Quit dance? 

Jun: something nerdy about increasing the overall revenue or something of the market i dont know im not a business person. Also something nerdy about Animal Crossing, maybe he wants to add a new room to his house. Jun’s goals have nothing to do with himself personally. 

Olaf: Get involved in uni! Learn more about his talent and practice it intentionally, including how to control it better so he is not overwhelmed in situations like the nightmare fog. 

Atta: Help Dot with her apprenticeship!! Learn more stuff about clumsy culture. Pass her petition about water fountains. 

Pip: Grow SSIC followers by 100+; grow Spill engagement by 20%; arrange guest speakers for SSIC and maybe help SSIC write a petition together?; get a solo for the spring concert; get a lead role in the summer musical; read 50 books in a year; drink less coffee (he will fail this last one) 

List one or more characters you have never interacted with that you would like to do so

Ferb. Technically I did interact with him but it was just ONE gif chat when he first got here and I would like to do more!! I think he’s great, i love all of Sid’s characters! 

Bianca: HOW HAVE I NOT RPED WITH BIANCA! I don’t know but I want to. Maybe Merida and Bianca would be interesting bc of RAS things! (Also I have interacted with Kristoff but I want to do stuff with Kristoff and trolls please message me bee if u want to do troll things...i love. them.) 

Rita: In a similar vein, I think Rita/Ber or Rita/Pip might be interesting. Pip totally looks up to Rita and sees her as a role model so i dunno that could be cool. 

Rose: Whitman: Kit, we need to have Rose and Merida interact. Fighty ladies. I am sure with the knights this can happen! 

Pacifica: Hello Lins, Pacifica and Ashleigh should be Best Friends Of Course. I could also maybe see Pacifica and Jun if Pacifica wants to do some kind of business philanthropy for her image etc. Or Olaf and Pacifica! Sounds like a wild time, that. 

Tod: Olaf/Tod would probably be very fun, I love Pixie friendships! Also maybe Ber bc i think Ber knows Tod from way back when maybe? 

Edward: Z PLEASE. PLEASE. Pip and Edward bc they are from the same movie and no other reason!! But I will also throw literally anyone at him. 

Plotting Exercise! Pick one of the resolutions/goals in #2 and plan a rough guideline to how you could accomplish it. Here’s an example.

ATTA’S ROYAL TALENT AWAKENS 

Attendy: Atta goes ice skating with Wendy and has to stop bc of a headache and faints on the ice!!! 

@: Directly after attendy, Dot panics about Atta’s health and wants her to come clean. They fight! 

Full Moon Event: Atta faints again in front of everyone. MARLIN helps heal her and Dot/Sled confesses to Queen Clarion what’s going on. 

Clarion/Atta: Oh Honey You Got A Big Storm Coming

[diyunho]

The Joker x Reader - “Nobody” Part 2

After not feeling well for months, The Joker finally found out why: the life threatening condition is so serious there’s only a 50/50 chance of survival.  Dealing with a brain tumor is not going to be easy, that’s why The King of Gotham asked his half-brother Arthur to help Y/N while he’ll undergo treatment.

Part 1

“Hey Pumpkin,” The Joker kisses you. “Are you awake?”

You smack your lips and stretch, opening your eyes since you have no other choice.

“I am now… Are you feeling sick? Need anything?” the nursing side takes over while he’s silent, too busy wrapping your right leg around his waist. “Mister Joker,” you immediately gasp. “No guns in bed!”

“It’s not my gun,” he smirks and you chuckle at the evident truth. “When’s the last time we had sex, huh? Two weeks ago?!”

“Mmmm…” you debate, caressing his face. “Something like that.”

“All the meds are messing me up,” J pouts. “Great news though: turns out I’m not dead yet,” he adds and you yank him in your arms before his speech ruins the mood.

“Maybe we should sleep outdoors more often; it seems to have a beneficial effect,” Y/N underlines the welcomed idea The Joker had last night about resting on the terrace.

“Or maybe it’s just from having my girl close,” he utters a nice sentence, instantly correcting himself. “This is clearly the tumor messing with my brain; makes me say weird stuff.”

“Perhaps we should keep it then,” you sigh as The King of Gotham pulls down on your PJ shorts. “I like to hear weird stuff like that.”

“Do ya’?!” he fakes his surprise because he tries to avoid the subject.

“U-hum.”

“Naaah, I vote for sex and dirty talk!” J hisses and slides on top of you, prompting laughter when he starts nibbling on your cleavage. “Let’s have some fun before my mojo’s gone!”

“Mojo!” you repeat since you can’t stop cracking up, the unexpected entertaining morning 100 percent welcomed after the stressful past months.

“Shut up and let’s sin,” The Joker gives in to your charms. “You can be laud: Arthur’s a heavy sleeper, not that he can hear us anyway.”

***********

His brother is actually downstairs; Arthur woke up at 7:15am, moped around for a bit, then decided to cook breakfast. That’s what he’s been doing for the past 20 minutes: it wasn’t difficult to locate the necessary ingredients and bestowing his talents upon the famished couple might help in the long run.

He figured Y/N and J will appreciate his culinary abilities succeeding napping on the inflatable mattress outside; fresh air is bound to make one hungrier than usual.

So here’s the result of his hard work: two plates filled with bacon, eggs, hash browns, waffles and freshly sliced oranges perfectly arranged in symmetrical patterns.

Arthur places the dishes on a tray, humming a little song while he pours hot tea in the cups; it smells delicious and he can’t wait to enjoy the praises: he needs extra credit after upsetting Y/N yesterday with the unnecessary fight she witnessed by accident.  

Mister Fleck lights up a cigarette, swiftly creeping out The Penthouse: he puffs the smoke like a chimney, mindful at the ashes flying in the breeze. A few extra steps and he’s almost in front of the canopy; Arthur prepares to announce his presence when moans reach his ear. He freezes and carefully listens, unsure on what to do.

“Oh my God, J!” you squeal as The Joker growls, purring up a storm.

“What are you doing to me, Kitten?”

Further panting and groaning suggests he should probably abandon his plan: Arthur holds in his breath, unwilling to interrupt the fun. The 42 year old begins to gracefully walk backwards, totally caught up in a tiny dance with the food tray.

“Sssttttt,” he admonishes his own action while sliding the glass door. “Let’s give the kids privacy,”Arthur mumbles and covers the plates to keep breakfast warm.

In about 20 minutes he notices J chasing you towards the entrance, your rosy cheeks turning red when you bump into the guest. 

“Good morning,” you smile and let The Joker catch you.

“Easy prey,” he gropes a bubbly Y/N although if his older brother is present.

“Morning,” the reply triggers your boyfriend’s out of context comment:

“You cooked?!”

“Yeah,” Arthur gestures at the covered plates. “It’s ready to go.”

“Let me take a fast shower and brush my teeth. Are you coming?” J slaps you butt instead of another encouragement and you steal a piece of bacon to munch on the way up to the master bathroom:

“Thank you Arthur!”

“No problem,” he blows a rebel curl off his forehead, intrigued to see his sibling in a good mood; it’s a well-known fact The Joker didn’t have an abundance of fine days lately. Today must be an exception.

He’s actually the first one to arrive and Arthur has to ask:

“Where’s my sister-in-law?”

“She’s not your sister-in-law!” the sour tone underlines.

“I had you guys married,” the man insists.

“We didn’t agree to that!” The Joker hisses. “I barely tolerate her!” Arthur calmly lights up his second cigarette for the day, sharing wisdom with the feisty green haired menace:

“I wouldn’t take her for granted if I were you; one day you might wake up and realize she’s not even here. I talk from my own experience when I tell you it happened to me too: my relationship with the woman I loved was just an illusion, nothing more. Trust me when I tell you you’ll never feel such a deep disappointment again…”

“Ahhhh, I’m starving!” you pop up in the kitchen, completely unaware of the discussion they’re having. “Coffeeeeee,” you gush at the freshly brewed pot, excited to sip on the miracle drink.

“It’s impossible for us to hallucinate in the same time,” Arthur whispers. “Wanna check to make sure?”

J nods a yes and you’re suddenly trapped at the counter: Arthur grabs your right hand, his brother your left, both squeezing your fingers.

“I think you’re OK,” Mister Fleck concludes and you’re confused:

“What’s going on?”

“Confirming you’re real,” he admits on their strange experiment.

“Of course I’m real,” Y/N frowns, yet she has a vague idea regarding the mysterious behavior.

“Perfect; take your coffee and let’s eat,” J avoids expanding on the topic; that’s the best he can muster without revealing the slight panic at the thought you might be a product of his imagination.

*************

“I have a meeting at Savage Club this evening. Could end up profitable, depending on the terms. Would you care to accompany me?” Arthur offers to get The Joker out of the house for the heck of it.

“Nah…” the latest mutters, quite uncomfortable after his afternoon pills.

“Come on, baby; let’s go out!!! It’s been forever!” you implore because the proposal sounds super enticing. “I miss having fun,” you blur out and continue when his bitterness is obvious: “Not that it’s not fun staying home. Pleeeeaasseee, can we? I promise I’ll take care of you.”

“I don’t need you to take care of me; I’m not a child!” The Joker raises his voice and you are frustrated since no matter what you articulate it gets twisted.

“Why do you have to be like this?...” the rhetorical question is a clear statement of how much you hate conflict over trivial issues of no importance whatsoever.

Your other half believes otherwise.

“Like what, hm? Like what?! Explain so everybody can get an intelligible and logical breakdown!!” J yells for no reason but you are so done with his outbursts.

“Never mind,” you sniffle and stroll out on the terrace in order to avoid more bickering; today started so damned uplifting and you don’t know how to keep things together anymore.

When you give your all and you don’t receive too much in return, the good moments blur out in the background to the point of becoming insignificant.

“You’re a jerk,” Arthur affirms after he’s left alone with his sibling.

“Pfft,” The Joker rolls his eyes. “It’s the tumor,” he sarcastically emphasizes.

“Bullshit! It’s not the tumor, kid. And I’m taking her out, she earned it. Your crabby ass can stay here; Y/N is certainly due for refreshing fun!” the fierce answer provokes J’s resentment.

“Definitely not!!!”

“Watch me,” Arthur scoffs at his relative’s conduct, deciding to follow you outdoors.

You watch the busy city from the 30th floor and it’s safe to say you don’t really see it; the wrists loosely hanging over the railing cue him to approach with caution.

“I had this epiphany that you should escort me to Savage Club,” he tests the waters. “If you don’t fancy to attend the gathering you can always sit at the bar and have some drinks. Call me insane but I have this hunch you might want a distraction.”

“I can’t,” you regretfully inform. “I have to ensure J takes his medications and eats; what if he has an episode while I’m gone?... I simply can’t…”

“Plenty of people to supervise him; he’ll be ok.”

You don’t reply and Arthur lights up another cigarette, nonchalantly chatting with the quiet Y/N.

“Tell you how this will play: we’ll get ready and at 6pm we are leaving with or without the kid. If he joins it’s fine, if not… infinitely better,” he elbows a sulky Y/N. C’mon, put on a happy face! See?” he grabs the corners of his mouth and forces them into an eerie grin, eager to demonstrate his proclamation. “It’s not complicated, you just have to practice,” he moves his fingers to your face and elevates the corners of your lips, trying to mimic a smirk for a few seconds. “Tough crowd…” he grumbles when there’s no reaction. “Don’t make me take out the heavy artillery,” Arthur threatens. “I used to do stand-up comedy, you know?”

“… Did you?...”  you finally respond to his repeated attempts, pretending you are clueless of his skills.

“You should be aware I’m a tour de force nobody should reckon with,” Mister Fleck boasts, super confident he can make you laugh.

“Yeah, after you tell a joke there’s so much silence you can hear the crickets chirping all the way from New York!” J snarls because he tiptoed on the patio to spy on the conversation.

“Oh yeah?!” Arthur gets annoyed and without further delay he lays upon you one of the best masterpieces to ever emerge from his genius brain: “I hope my death makes more cents than my life.”

And now he waits… and waits…

“Told you before: it’s not funny,” The Joker reprises his march back to the Penthouse, thrilled at his brother’s failure when the unthinkable happens: Y/N bursts out laughing like crazy, not necessarily due to the pun being hilarious (she actually finds it kind of sad, that’s why she didn’t react sooner).

Arthur’s inflated ego makes him shout from the top of his lungs, ensuring the younger sibling can perceive his triumphant bragging:

“IT IS FUNNY!”

************* “Welcome to my humble kingdom,” Joker guides you towards the bar among the increasing ruckus his presence is creating among the audience.

Savage Club belongs to him and his “fans” meet here on a regular basis: a safe haven for the eccentrics, misfits and wackos, ready to do whatever necessary to please their role model.  

Arthur picks a microscopic crumb from the collar of his impeccable red suit while pulling a high chair for you:

“Take a sit,” he quickly glances at the huge mirror behind the counter to make sure his clown make-up is flawless: it took him an hour to get ready after you accepted his invitation. He’s usually faster yet the feminine company required auxiliary efforts; it’s not every day you steal a woman from her crib and take her out for invigorating entertainment.

The woman being your brother’s partner makes it even better.

“J is not answering my texts,” you sigh, already worried he might be sick.

“It’s his fault for acting up,” Arthur takes out a cigarette and seven hands holding lighters pop up around him. He chooses the one belonging to the pretty lady to his right, giving her a little wicked wink that visibly flusters the recipient of such undivided attention. “I’m going to my meeting, it should take too long,” he addresses Y/N and she nods, prepared to guzzle down much needed alcohol away from the grumpy boyfriend.

“Nothing happens to my sister-in-law,” Joker barks at one of the bouncers on his way to the VIP room; there’s no soul to argue the disclosure regarding your connection so he gets away with it.

“No worries, sir; she’s safe.”

“You misunderstand,” Arthur cuts him off. “This is for their safety,” he points at the mob. “In case you didn’t recognize her, that’s Y’N and she’s in a foul mood; we all heard rumors about her temper, hm?”

“Yes, Mister Joker.”

“Don’t be an idiot!” The Clown scolds. “My brother’s Mister Joker; I’m simply Joker. Or did you forget?!”

*************

1 hour and 13 minutes later

“How are we doing?” Arthur makes himself comfortable next to you, gesturing at the 8 empty shot glasses collected in a small pyramid.

“Amazing,” you slurp from your second Mai Tai cocktail and chew on the pink straw.  

“How many can shots can you handle?” he curiously interrogates the buzzed Y/N.

“About 5,” you snort and it makes him content to notice you’re carefree for once.

“Going overboard?” Arthur snickers and you lift your glass, lively concluding: “I’ll drink to that!”

He has no beverage so he snatches a beer bottle from a guy, inquiring:

“Did you touch this?”

“Not yet, sir.”

“It’s mine,” he clinks the container against yours and instructs: ”Here’s to going overboard; bottoms up!”

**************

“Look who’s home at 2 in the morning!” J criticizes when Y/N and Arthur show up in the living room at The Penthouse.

“I wasn’t aware we had a curfew!” your drinking buddy enunciates as you hide behind him, concealing your face in the soft fabric of his jacket.

You obviously thought your boyfriend would be in bed but nope, he waited for your victorious return.

“A-are you mad?” your slurred words dissipate in the air, closely followed by hiccups.

The Joker exhales, resigned: oddly enough he missed you, although you were absent for a whopping 5 hours and a half.

“No.”

“Oh my God!” you peek from beyond your human shield as if the opposite was stated. ”W-what are you gonna do?”

“You’ll see,” J finally takes his night meds: he postponed the remedy because he wanted to be awake for this magnificent after show.

“Oh my God!” you squeak, appalled. “W-what are you gonna d-do?” the repeated question prompts actual confessions:

“First, I’ll help you take a shower and brush your teeth…”

“Oh my God!” your eyes get big like this is the worst thing ever; the inebriated Y/N can’t connect the dots too well.

“Then we’ll have sex and I’ll be sweet; you won’t remember in the morning,” The Joker sneers.

“Oh my God!” you glare at Arthur completely dumbfounded, then at J, then at Arthur who’s sturdily holding your arm so you won’t fall.

“Stop teasing her!” he hisses.

“I’m literally replying to her quizzing.”

“W-what are you gonna do?” the plastered Y/N has to know again.

“This is your fault!” The Joker comes to grab you, exasperated. “I consider you responsible!”

“Cool,” Arthur proudly delivers his date to the rightful owner. “I’ll retreat to my room and leave you kids alone,” he waves and distances from the couple while blessing them: “By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you Nobody and Joker!”

“Shut the hell up!” his brother snaps, irritated at the persistent charade.

“You may kiss the bride!” Arthur mocks, positively not giving a crap about the rant: he’s an individual with a mission and won’t admit defeat that easily.

“Can you believe this shit?!” The Joker complains and shoves Y/N in one of the bathrooms downstairs. “Ewww, you smell like a distillery,” he rants while tugging on your clothes.

“Oh my God!” you whimper, distressed at his words.

“Ugghhh, you sound like a broken record!” The King of Gotham urges you to step in the shower and it doesn’t fail:

“Oh my God!”

“Seriously??!!” your actions skyrocket his blood pressure to unknown heights. “Take a break!”

“A-are you mad?” you stutter, the hot water making you even drowsier.

“I’m starting to be!!” he reprimands and you fakely sob since you can’t recall how to cry properly:

“W-what are you gonna do?”

The great Clown Prince of Crime huffs, convinced the universe unleashed you upon him to test his patience as punishment for past transgressions:

“Why me?!”

You rub your eyes and J turns off the water, bundling the intoxicated Y/N in a huge towel.

“Stupid helpless burrito,” he grunts and sweeps you off your feet, entirely done for the night.

Ahh, it sure feels nice and you bury your cheeks in his neck, burping in the process.

“Jesus!” he protests as you clumsily apologize:

“S-sorry baby…”

“I should push you off the balcony and be done with this ordeal!” he stumbles on the hallway, vexed.

The Joker really should have kept his opinion to himself since Pandora’s Box is automatically reopened.

“Oh my God!”

“I’m cursed,” the genuine declaration is accompanied by a soft kiss; despite the circumstances, The Joker is not that angry.

Arthur closes the door to his bedroom, delighted to have observed the scene:

“He kissed the bride,” the man inhales from the last cigarette of the day, flicking the bud out the window afterwards.  

 Also read: MASTERLIST

You can follow me on Ao3 and Wattpad under the same blog name: DiYunho.

[icewindandboringhorror]

Another set of responding to asks lol.. As usual I have them numbered and will also write out the ask in the text, especially since the screencaps are all blurry and taken at various times/compiled together badly and probably hard to read ghghhggh..... answers under the read more ~ 

-------------------------

1. "Hi I don't mean to bother you at all, but I was wondering where you get your rocking horse shoes? (I think thats what they're called) I've been looking everywhere and I can't seem to find any :(( "

I don’t entirely remember, since I got them like 6 or 7 years ago.. I think maybe at some point that place ‘bodyline’ or something had some cheap ones? But I don’t see them on the site anymore, they were like $50 or $60. Now when I google it I can only find these insane like $600 ones from vivian westwood or whoever, or ones that are platform shoes but not necessarily the same type. Maybe you could find some on aliexpress or ebay or something? Usually you have to use weirdly specific search terms and look for a while, but you can often find stuff like that on those sites. Sorry I couldn’t be of more help!!! 

2. "I've been sick for over a month and my doctor tested me - everything came back fine. After some discussion it appears that my ptsd symptoms came back and the stress on my body is making me fatigued, sick and dizzy. I don't want to say that this could be similar to you situation, but if you have a therapist or someone to talk to about any stresses/your sickness, it might help relieve the pressure a bit. Good luck, I'm so sorry you feel so unwell"

Thank you for sharing! Yeah, I think stress definitely plays a part in why I feel sick so often. Currently I’m not still having the same problem I was having a few months ago when you sent this, so that’s good at least!! 

3. “Hi! Do you plan to ever have more sculptures for sale? Or would you do commissions? I haven't seen any in a while but wanted to buy one! :-O”

I have plenty that I want to sell, I guess it’s just hard for me to get set up. Since so much of the reason I procrastinate selling stuff is because I hate the stress of deciding on a price, I’ve thought for a while now that maybe I can just auction them (so I just set a base price, but people bid whatever they feel is fair and I don’t have to decide myself). But I’m just not sure of a good way to do that.. Ebay has auctions, but I don’t want random strangers buying them, I’d rather stick to just the pool of people who follow my art blog and are already familiar with my sculptures or etc. I could do them on here ?? (like, ‘reply to this post to bid, bids close 8am EST, whoever said the highest number sends the money through paypal and then I send the sculpture’ sort of thing???)   But I’m not sure if it’s legal to sell stuff through tumblr, or if there could be any other problems with doing it so ‘unofficially’ like that.. I don’t know, I have a vague idea, I’m just having trouble deciding the best way to set up something! I do want to sell some soon though, if I live through the pandemic and anything ever goes back to normal, of course (I wouldn’t want to be having to leave the house to ship stuff in the mail right now). 

As for commissions, I have actually done sculpture commissions for friends a few times, so I feel confident-ish that I’d be able to do something like that, but I also wouldn’t want to get overwhelmed since it takes a lot of work. Custom sculptures may also be more expensive, and again.. I always feel guilty and strange about pricing. I’ve thought about doing very limited sculpture commissions though (like, maybe just one at a time, first come first serve or something..?). If it seems like there’s actual interest in that sort of thing, I could definitely consider doing it in the future! 

4. " *picks up that smol blue kid and throws them across the room* "

ghgh .. the smallness is an advantage... they could just skitter back down your arm like a tiny squirrel the second you tried to pick them up.. Ythrili survival strategy is to be too small to catch in the first place 

(also forgive every sketch in this post, my screen that you can draw on broke, so I’m either drawing stuff in ms paint with a mouse, or drawing stuff on paper and coloring it in firealpaca also with a mouse ghghh.. not going to look Good)

5. "it sounds like you feel pressure to only post good content on the internet, and so you end up psyching yourself out of posting at all. Am I on the right track? "

Not necessarily, like I mentioned in the tags I think it’s more just that everything is complicated by my brain. I can’t just do something effortlessly. Whether it’s for an audience or not, I get caught up on every little detail and adding so much complexity to everything that all tasks take me longer than they take other people lol. I think I just tend to take everything very seriously?? 

Like for example, I’m often accused of ‘turning things into a discussion’ when someone was just intending to make an off-handed remark, because if someone is bringing up a topic to discuss, I end up engaging with it 100% and putting full effort into it, and it’s hard for me to be ‘’casual’’ about pretty much anything (so if someone was like ‘My day yesterday was a bit weird’ I wouldn’t be able to just respond ‘aw man, that sucks’, I would just be like ‘Weird how? what happened? what made it weird? Are you okay now? Are things still weird? Have you found a solution?’ etc. etc.). I was also bad at essays/open answer questions in school (despite usually being great at the class otherwise), because no matter how hard I tried to filter my speech and cut things out, I was always far too long-winded  and would get almost too engaged with the topic and lose the clear cut thought organization and focus that you’re supposed to have I guess. Even like, playing video games or something that’s supposed to be relaxing, I can’t just ‘jump into them’ and do whatever, usually any game I play (large ones at least, small 25 minute  point and click adventure games don’t count of course), I have 7 - 10 pages of notes, do hours of research, look up most of the main spoilers, plan out and organize exactly how I’m going to play it and this and that, etc. lol... 

So, that personality trait carries over into posting things online as well, I can’t just type something out quickly and hit ‘post’ without a second thought. Social media is hard for me because you’re supposed to use it casually, but I spend a long time re-reading drafted posts, thinking about them, etc. etc., and end up never actually getting around to posting anything. It’s not that I’m perfectionist about it and want it to be ‘good’ or appear a certain way, it’s just that my mind becomes preoccupied with things I guess.  I’m a natural information gatherer, part of my natural way of processing things is to learn everything possible before acting, and I want to make sure I’ve fully thought about everything always, and know as much as I can (so I wouldn’t want to publicly say something without giving it a lot of consideration first, or post a picture without really thinking about if I want to post it, what my reasons behind posting it are (like if I’m posting something just for a validation of a certain aspect of myself VS. genuinely because I like it, etc.), if a few months from now I’ll still like that I posted it, etc. lol.. even with like silly cat photos or something, I have to analyze it and be like ‘hmm.. will I still stand by this picture in 4 months? why am I posting it publicly vs, just keeping it privately to myself on my computer? what’s important about it?’ etc. etc. ghgjhgjh.. like.. shut up lol.)

ANYWAY, yeah, I don’t know if it’s about wanting online content to be “good”, as much as it’s just like... I take everything way too seriously and am detail-oriented, contemplative, and analytical to a fault, which means it just takes me 10x longer to do basic ‘’simple’’ things that it would for other people. Though I can still be quite quick-thinking and decisive (I don’t often waver back and forth between things too long), it’s usually because I have years of thinking about the same exact things behind me, so I already am very clear on my opinions on stuff, to a point. But when it’s new things I’m less familiar with (like playing a new game, or posting regularly online), I’m still in a phase where I guess I have to give it a lot of thought. I just process things in a different way than other people I guess? Or have some inherent inability to be brief/concise/careless? If you’ve ever read any of my worldbuilding posts (where I usually start off wanting to explain one thing but then have to derail into 400 other misc. details and explanations and it ends up being a novel), then maybe it’s more evident what I mean, where it’s just like... my natural manner of speaking is Too Much.. I guess? Even this answer is winding and rambly, and I feel like other people could have answered this ask in only a few sentences lol.. 

 If any of that makes sense? I don’t know how to describe how I am lol.. I just know it's hard to me to use social media in this ~~casual effortless~~ way most people seem to, since my brain is just inherently incapable of anything ‘’casual’’ or ‘’effortless’’ lol..  T u T ;; 

6. " Hi! I hope this isn't weird to say, I'm designing a race for my DND campaign and some of the aesthetics are a little bit inspired by some of your costumes and makeup designs. You're awesome and your art is awesome so thanks : ) "

Thanks so much, I appreciate it! It’s always cool to hear I can inspire people~ 

(I usually don’t include many compliments in these ask compilation posts, but I always try to include a few, just to let people know that even if I don’t respond to all of them I do see them, and appreciate it!) 

7.  ???

I ended up cropping out this ask and not answering because some of the content was questionable (the reason WHY/how they wanted to make the character) in a way that I didn’t feel like getting into a long thing about, but part of it was relevant to making OCs in my world, so I will just make a quick comment:

I do state that this is a closed world, so I don’t want anyone making OCs of my species or etc. at least not at this point. Once my game is finished (if ever lol), or I write a few books or something, then I feel it would be understandable if people like, made up a background story for their player character and thus maybe could have some form of OC in my world and etc.. So I may be more relaxed on this in the future as I create content that people naturally would want to engage with , but for now, I’m still a very tiny creator with a closed world and it just doesn’t feel the same as like.. making an oc based on some thing in a big TV series or something. My worldbuliding and etc. is still very personal to me. Unless we’re directly collaborating on things (like mentioned here (link) a bit), or you’re a personal friend of mine who’s gotten involved in the world with my own guidance (meaning I could tell you lore things you’d need to know to make it accurate, etc.), then I don’t feel it’s appropriate for strangers to do at this point. 

Especially since I don’t even have enough world info out for people to be able to reference (most species have half-complete guides, I’ve only ever talked about like, one continent, etc.). There are so many necessary details which I have only in my head and have never typed out, so again, idk, it’d just be weird. I’m not okay with it until I have a lot more lore published, and maybe a few actual works out there that people can reference/stories/games/basis for OCs to exist in the first place. If that makes sense? 

8. "Hey, is it ok to use your outfit posts as inspiration for a dnd character? I love them so much, you have such a unique way of combining crazy patterns and fabrics into something that gives off a good vibe”

Yes, that would be fine! Thank you for asking, and I appreciate the compliments~ Hopefully I can get back to posting that sort of thing more often lol.. I’ve gotten WAY off my routine and haven’t done many outfits lately.. aaa

9. "hi Luca! i just wanted to say i really love all of your costumes and fashions and dress ups, its all so cool and pretty and interesting. i actually wanna dress up for fun for myself, and now that i know about the bins i think i'll try to convince my mom to take me to similar places for cheap clothing pieces, since my mom is worried about how much all this costume stuff costs. anyway, please keep posting your cool and beautiful stuff! "

Thank you so much! I wish you luck with your costumes! Yeah, I think there’s a common idea in a lot of fashion communities (like with makeup, costumes, etc.) that you have to always have high quality things to look nice, and even if sometimes you can do more with a little extra money, really you can make anything look good with what you have if you just combine it right. As I’ve always been quite low income, being into fashion and stuff has be discouraging at times, that I couldn’t afford certain materials or items, but you just have to find a niche where what you’re able to do works. For example, a lot of even ‘cheap’ lolita style clothings are too expensive for me (like $30 - $50 for a dress??? then the more pricey ones can be over $100???) lol.. BUT, then stuff like mori kei, cult party kei, fantasy costumes, etc. you can do with nearly any fabric you can find, and it’s still just as fun and creative. Most of the outfits I take pictures of probably cost me no more than $1 - $10 for every single item combined. Obviously it depends on location - I have better access now that I live near a place like the bins, which I understand there may not be similar resources in small towns or etc. But even with generic thrift stores (which may not be as cheap as the bins), you can still find pretty good alternatives to all the money it costs to buy things brand new. There’s still some stuff I legit just can’t do because I don’t have access to the materials, but for the most part I can manage everything I’d like with $3 eye-shadows and 15 cent tattered curtain fabrics lol. You can still do really cool stuff on a pretty nonexistent budget!

10. “do you have any tips on growing your hair long? is it expensive to up keep? i wanna grow mine out but it grows so slow!”

Well, I know nothing about hair and am not a hair stylist or etc. so I really don’t have any tips lol??  And I think hair maintenance depends a lot on the type of hair you have, not everyone’s is the same. I assume we must have similar hair  (my natural hair is thick kind of coarse very dark brown/black hair, which is a bit wavy in some parts but mostly straight, but most of my hair currently (aside from the overgrown roots at the top) is altered because of damage from bleaching and etc., it’s more brittle. so that’s what I’ll be referencing) if you’re asking me this instead of someone else, but just know that whatever I say may not apply to you.  

Anyway, I really don’t do anything to my hair to make it grow or etc., it’s just that I’ve gone a long time without cutting it lol. I used to cut it all the time or change styles, and now I’ve kind of just left it for 5 or 6 years or so. Because of my mental illness I have trouble maintaining personal care and etc., so I do sometimes go a week or more without washing it, even though I’m trying to work that into my schedule more (luckily I don’t have stinky head, I’ve heard some people’s scalp oils and stuff can smell weird if left for too long, I have the privilege of being able to like.. skip on hygiene a lot without it severely impacting my ability to do things or etc. since it’s usually not obvious if I haven’t bathed in a week or two). 

My cat also EATS HUMAN HAIR for some reason, so I have to keep it up all the time, so that when I shed it doesn’t actually just fall loose onto the ground lol. Literally all I do to my hair is just keep it in two braids at all times and wash it with normal shampoo and conditioner occasionally, when I can. I really only think it’s gotten long because I’ve been leaving it alone and not messing with it, not really because of anything I’ve done (like I don’t use fancy products on it or etc.) And because of that, no, it’s not really expensive! It absolutely WOULD be if I were like..a normal functioning person and I regularly bleached it and dyed it and put products on it and styled it and used shampoo and conditioner every 1-3 days on it and etc. lol.. But I guess because I don’t do anything to it to maintain it, I’m not spending money on hairspray or dye or shampoo or etc.  I used to bleach it a lot and straighten it and use hairspray and stuff on it, and it seems healthier (at least on the new top parts) now that I’m just ... ignoring it basically lol. But I don’t really know what to do to make it grow faster! I’m bad at self-care, and even if I do costumes and stuff, I really am not into beauty and hair and nails and makeup and stuff, so I’m probably the wrong person to ask hghjhb.. My upkeep routine is just... eat and sleep. wash face with water daily.. do extra stuff if you can manage to despite your functioning issues, etc. I’m definitely not a Beauty Advice person, I barely brush my hair even once a week lol

11. "Maybe you should reduce the number of races if it's too overwhelming? A world can still be immersive with only a few races in it."

(sidenote - Not to be nitpicky, but I make a specific point that the groups of fantasy creatures I create are species, not ‘’races’’, even though it is a commonly used term in fantasy worldbuilding, I think it’s inaccurate/weird )

I know I don’t have to make so many different groups, but, I guess I just really want it to be a broad setting. Part of the point in creating Nanyevimi (aside from worldbuilding just being extremely fun and a hobby greatly suited to someone with my personality traits lol) is to have an established world that I can do anything within, a framework already built where it'd be super easy to just drop a character anywhere on the map and already have an idea of what their culture, background, experiences, etc. would be based on pre-existing details about that portion of the world, etc. But I also want it to be broad, and varied, where every area kind of has it’s own dynamics going on there, so if you’re in a different place, you get a different kind of story. (like in an elven alliance city, you’d be better suited to tell an adventure story centering around complicated local politics, or city life, or etc.. whereas out in some isolated mountains in the south, it’d be more suited for a mystery story about stumbling across ancient ruins, or running into a mysterious traveler, etc.) 

Which I guess doesn’t matter much, since I'm better at setting, world design, character design, planning, and details than I am at plot, so  I probably won’t actually ever do anything with it (god forbid I tried to write a book or something with my utter inability to be concise/brief in any imaginable way). I can craft settings/characters/history/world-details all day endlessly, never losing inspiration or etc, but my weak point is actually telling stories within those settings and formulating a solid plan, organizing plot structures long term and etc.. Setting up everything for something to happen/creating a place where many interesting premises could occur is fine, but then actually thinking of how those things should OCCUR, or how the set up should play out, is where I get kind of lost. I guess the ideal at some point would be to have people working with me, helping when writing stories in my world/outlining games/etc, to add more cohesion/structure and reign in the unfocused stream of ideas,  but that’s very unlikely since I don’t have any close friends that are good at organizing or plotting either, etc. BUT anyway, even if I can’t ever manage to do anything with it, the whole “having a setting I can use for anything I want if anything ever comes up, which is already established and thus makes it much easier to formulate ideas because all the background work is already done for myself” thing is at least a nice goal.. in concept...theoretically lol..  

And, it’s not really too overwhelming, I think the overwhelming part is actually just formatting and producing those ideas in a consumable form. It’s not hard for me to keep track of 20 different groups and make backgrounds and every imaginable detail for them, but it IS hard to actually take all that information that exists in my head, type it out as a worldbuilding post, format and organize it, draw pictures to go with it, etc. If I could just post long stream of consciousness style 300,000 word long posts with no paragraph breaks, 4000 typos, barely any punctuation, etc., then I’d have A LOT more world-building info publicly available (since that’s what all the initial documents on my computer look like lol), but that’s just so inaccessible it’d be pointless to have public in the first place. The hard part isn’t really coming up with or managing the information, it’s just... organizing it all, and finding a way to share it. 

12. "oh PLEASE tell me what boing peach beverage the elf looks like"

a quick sketch of them.. mysterious peach (and other produce) salesman   

13. "fun question: what are ur fashion pet-peeves?"

Well, basically none because I hate when people are rigid over Fashion Rules or etc. Like, people who take pictures of others in public because they “look weird” , or who constantly trash on what people are allowed to wear, what patterns can be mixed with others, etc. etc. I get that some stuff can look kind of bad sometimes, and it’s not that I think nobody is allowed to criticize fashion trends or etc. (especially if they’re legitimately problematic, like of course someone wearing a homophobic t-shirt or doing blackface should be criticized), but I mean just like... that sort of trivial bitter criticism that doesn’t do anything but make people feel bad about the way they look or make them afraid to dress in ways they feel comfortable. Like taking a picture of someone and posting it online to make fun of them because they wore socks with sandals, or bullying 14 year olds who just started doing makeup and haven’t totally gotten their look sorted out yet, etc. etc. (ESPECIALLY since this can often intersect with classism, racism, etc. if you really examine what people mock as 'ugly' or 'unacceptable' styles, it's often stuff like men wearing dresses/makeup, women not shaving, clothing associated with poverty (like wearing “”cheap”” clothes), physical traits commonly associated with poc, making fun of people who look a certain way likely due to mental illness (like fidgeting, dirty mismatched clothing, carrying stuffed animals or comfort items in public etc.), etc. etc.

I find costumes and makeup and outfits to be a very cool and fun way to express myself. So when people are complete freaks about it and set out to just relentlessly make others feel bad for no good reason, it’s like... obnoxious... How can you take something with so much potential and limit it and close others off and turn it into this rigid hateful thing, when it should be something that everyone is able to be passionate about and appreciate?? Outside appearance isn't everything, but it's a tool of expression for so many people and can relate to who they are as a person, people should never feel uncomfortable to be who they are or look how they look just because some dumbass rich person writing for a style magazine has the gall to declare some random thing to be 'Unfashionable' despite not having a genuinely creative bone in their body, or some bigot thinks that certain things are ‘ugly’ or ‘unprofessional’ due to their own mental associations, etc.

But anyway, I guess if I had to choose a few things that I just think look kind of odd to me personally/are generally off-putting...  

--- the overdrawing lips thing when you can see the persons actual lip-line and it almost looks like they have two mouths or something? (if not done intentionally for costume makeup). It can look a little strange to me sometimes, like an optical illusion where you see multiple mouth lines at once?? idk like this?

--- freckles that are just round circles and really heavy and don’t look realistic (though again, I also realize this could just be the person’s first time drawing them on or something and I’m not  mocking for lack of skill, etc. I just mean that it’s a little strange to look at, not actually BAD though) (and it can also be intentional, like for a cartoony costume look) ---- People adopting cutesy/childlike fashion and clothing and sexualizing it or using it as part of their sex/kink stuff.. I just feel like anything associated with children should not be sexualized..? If the first thing someone thinks when seeing children's school uniforms or frilly little girl’s doll dresses or whatever is that it could be a Hot Thing then hhh... like why is your brain making those connections lol.. People can dress how they want for whatever reasons they want, but that’s always personally creeped me out a little. Similar to our culture’s obsession with looking young being ‘hot’ (like a grown man wanting someone who’s a legal adult but still “looks 16″ or etc.), where it’s like.. okay, I guess yeah outwardly you can make that choice, and maybe aren’t directly causing harm, but.. the underlying tones of it and etc. still make it very unsettling to witness lol... ---- anything appropriated obviously, as well as fetishization or bastardization of cultures, like t-shirts with Japanese writing on them Just For Aesthetic, or taking certain culturally or religiously significant symbols or etc. and adopting them as ‘just a silly fashion’ thing when you’re actually being disrespectful, etc.  ---- those shorts or whatever that go up extremely high on the hipbones always look a little weird to me lol, like they give a person funny proportions, 

(you may have to right click open image in new window and zoom to see the text, but it’s like.. the blank space makes it look kind of weird to me? Like there’s too much where there’s just nothing going on? idk. That’s just my personal preference though, obviously I tend to lean towards busy designs lol)

That’s all I can think of though, like I said, I’m really not picky or judgy about fashion since I think people should be able to do whatever they want for the most part. I’m not like a “omg stripes should NEVER be worn with plaid!!” type person or something lol. 

14. "Hey Luca! I love when you post about your world. Do you have a favorite species you've made up so far? Also, I hope you're holding up well during the crisis!"

AAaa thanks! I’m okay mostly. It’s distressing since because of my particular mental illness I already have constant paranoia and obsessions about health, so of course hearing about so much illness can be really triggering constantly and I’m preoccupied in never-ending anxiety spirals about mortality and etc. etc. etc. , but situationally, I’m just very thankful that nobody in my household has gotten sick yet and I desperately wish that will continue to be the case. *** *** *** 

(ignore the *** *** *** , this is a text version of a physical compulsion (a hand movement) that I have to do when I mention certain topics lol.. the little man in my brain that controls my obsessive compulsive disorder says I must do certain things after saying or thinking certain things,, You Know How It Is ) 

And I really love worldbuilding questions, so thank you so much!!!!! Hghgh maybe it seems weird to favor any over the others, but of course I really like the Avirre'thel. Conceptually, I think their origin story and connection to ancient elves and their abilities and etc. put them in a really unique position in the broader world (some of the only truly immortal people to exist, the only people who can still decipher ancient elven texts in a way that makes sense, etc. etc.). Since Nanyevimi (my world) is really just a setting being built so that in the future I can set things within it (games, short stories, etc.), I think I'm drawn to the aspects of it that have the most potential to make interesting characters, and there are definitely a lot of pre-established dynamics with the Avirre'thel/in Navyete (their home country) as a whole that would make it an good place to set certain things, or a good group for a main character to be from, etc.

I do really like the Jhevona as a species overall too, even if I haven't developed them as much, they also kind of stand out as having some fairly unique features that put them in an interesting position in the world (being one of the most magically capable groups that exists but that also having downsides (health issues and infertility from magic exposure, etc.), how the necessity to keep control over their magic influences their culture, being some of the only natural shape-shifters, etc.). Within that, I REALLY love the Thastanri (a subspecies of Jhevona), like their connection to dreams, the Imkasyn, being one of the last few peoples in contact with real dragons, etc. etc. There are a lot of complex things going on in their area, so there’d be a lot of potential to tell a variety of stories or have interesting characters from that group. 

AND, though it's supposed to be Unknown in the world so I won't talk about it just in case I ever write a book one day or something and need to preserve at least a FEW mysteries that I don't just outright explain in worldbuilding posts, Jhevona do have the most interesting origins of any species in my opinion. There are some things from before the timeline break sort of thing (where all recorded history was seemingly wiped and everyone had a big memory loss about 50,000 yrs ago) that people aren't aware of anymore... but Jhevona used to have a cool backstory and quite interesting function in society prior to that. There are some remnants in the genetics of the species and how their magic works (at least for certain groups) that kind of hint at how ancient Jhevona used to look and what they used to do, even though in the modern day things are very different.

15. "Top 10 songs you've been listening to lately?"

I don’t have a top 10 since I listen to everything for different reasons, and don’t have as deep a relationship with music the way some people do (like I don’t really have a favorite band or group I have a connection with that’s “gotten me through hard times”, or music I cry to/any songs that are specifically personally emotionally meaningful to me, etc., etc.), but here’s a quick playlist of a few favorite-ish things I’ve had in my head a lot recently - 

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLPmQ4SZdFFHNkgKo7nAiEMgVvLcycX5Qc

the last song on the list specifically I’ve been replaying a lot for some reason, I guess since it’s good background music as there’s no words. Particularly the part that starts around like 38 seconds in, something about that melody reminds me of something distant, in a dreamlike way. The past few days I mostly alternate between that song, Outstanding, and And The Beat Goes On  lol

16. " Do you ever sell sculptures? I really like that little fawn!"

Yeah, I hope to eventually! Like I mentioned in question number three, if I can set up some sort of way to do auctions or etc, then maybe I can sell that one! 

17 & 18 : '"aaa yay!! i missed your outfits!!!" / "can I just say love ur outfits! They're so cool and inspire me to draw my ocs with new outfits > o < and I love your cat too, please give him a big ol pat!"

Thank you!!!! more compliments posted just to show I appreciate them lol, even if I don’t publicly respond to every one~ And, the Boyes appreciate the pats.. here is them.. big babbeys... 

[snaaaaaaakee]

OC Meme Compilation (part 1) (part 2)

like i said i got tagged in a bunch of these, mostly by @socksual-innuendos but @worthlesssix also tagged me in one and i might have been tagged in other ones idk these are just going around right now

I split them between Kerrian and Nikolai, so here’s Kerrian’s half! I also gave both of them the companion one bc that one was really fun to answer, and Kerrian is objectively the worst companion possible

i think almost everyone i know of has been tagged in these so far, so im gonna tag specifically @sas-afras and @curriersix then in general if you’ve got a fallout OC and want to answer these do it!! pick whichever ones you want im gonna try to make it visible which ones are seperate ive realized this way of posting them all at once is. weird

COMPANION MEME

Name: Kerrian Tartakovsky

I think we should travel together: “Awesome, let's get in trouble.”

Use Melee: "That's a joke, right?"

Use Ranged: “Wanna see me hit a bloatfly at 100 yards?”

Open Inventory: “Do I look like I've got room for your shit?” (his inventory is full of junk and electronics. he gets overencumbered easily. if you take any of his stuff he gets mad like when you take boone's hat)

Stay Close: “Just don't jump into anything stupid, alright? ...Or make any weird smells."

Keep Distance: “Alright, but you'll miss me soon enough.”

Stealth: (Karen's voice) "Sneaky sneaky."

Back Up: “Quit shoving, tough guy.”

Be Passive: “No complaints here.”

Be Aggressive: “You haven't got a better plan than that?”

Use Stimpack: “Man, what's in that stuff?”

Wait Here: “Ugh, for how long?”

Follow Me: “Oh thank God, I was getting so bored.”

Send her to the Lucky 38: “Yeah, see you at the Fucky 38, then.”

Send him Home: “Alright, you change your mind you know where I'm at.” (can be found in some workshop in freeside or something)

Aggression: aggressive/not aggressive/very aggressive/frenzied

Confidence: cowardly/cautious/average/brave/foolhardy

Assistance: helps nobody/helps allies/helps friends and allies

Companion perk: Mostly Pacifist (Bonus chance to cripple enemies)

Weapons: Dart gun, Varmint Rifle with scope

Karma: Good

Nine Layered Dip for OCs (okay sure)

LAYER ONE : THE OUTSIDE

Name: Kerrian Tartakovsky

Eye Color: Blue

Hair Style/Color: Orange, shoulder length and a mess

Height: 5'4"

Clothing Style: bits and pieces he's just sort of picked up wandering around, but if he weren't living in a post apocalyptic wasteland he'd actually like having more fashionable/feminine clothes

Best Physical Feature: He does actually have very pretty eyes

LAYER TWO: THE INSIDE

Fears: Spiders, not being able to find his dad/his dad being dead, not seeing any of his family again

Guilty Pleasure: i dont know if hes capable of shame or guilt for anything he enjoys but he does like cute/girly stuff in a pseudo-50's culture so he probably doesn't like showing that

Biggest Pet Peeve: Being told what to do, or people trying to say they can predict his actions or control him.

Ambition for the Future: i dont know if he has any idea what hes gonna do after he finds his dad. His vague idea is "robots"

LAYER THREE: THOUGHTS

First Thoughts Waking Up: “alskfjslkdfjsllsdf Oh God I'm Awake"

What They Think About the Most: Nerd tech shit, random garbage, animals, whether anyone's looking at him and whether or not he wants to be looked at

What They Think About Before Bed: Anything to distract him from everything long enough to fall asleep (he usually has to listen to the radio or holotapes or something)

What They Think Their Best Quality Is: His charisma- if there's anything he can't do he can always just get someone else to do it for him

LAYER FOUR: WHAT’S BETTER?

Single or Group Dates: Depends on the people

To be Loved or Respected: Loved

Beauty or Brains: Brains

Dogs or Cats: Cats

LAYER FIVE: DO YOU?

Lie: dont believe a word he says please he lies to people for fun

Believe in Yourself: Sometimes not enough, sometimes too much, but never a reasonable amount

Believe in Love: Yes

Want Someone: idk if this means someone in particular but most likely tbh

LAYER SIX: EVER?

Been on Stage: If he was he'd get kicked off immediately

Done Drugs: Karen gives him Med-X when she shouldnt so he did that, but now he refuses to have any in his inventory ever because of her. He also tried mentats once, they help him focus but he doesn't like the side effects.

Changed Who You Were to Fit In: Probably tried when he was a kid but physically could not restrain his personality from being 200% at all times

LAYER SEVEN: AGE

DOB: fuck i dont know i ruined my fallout timeline

How Old Will You Be: “i wanna get to my early 20's and then not get older but also not die, i dont think thats gonna happen but it sure is what i want"

Age You Lost Your Virginity: N/A

Does Age Matter: yes

LAYER EIGHT: IN A BOY OR GIRL

Best Personality: "Fun and Nice and Weird"

Best Eye Color: All

Best Hair Color: All (if you try and ask him to pick one he gets caught up thinking about why all of them are so nice and refuses to be able to pick)

Best thing to do with a Partner: Causing trouble

LAYER NINE: FINISH THE SENTENCE

I love: “My family, and ED-E, and geckos, and snack cakes,"

I feel: “Everything, all the time, way too much"

I hide: “Myself, literally and figuratively. See what I did, it's cute"

I miss: "Everything before dad got stuck outside of the vault"

I wish: “Everything could just be fixed"

[space-whalesharks]

All for Grant. >:3c

1) How do they respond to having a song stuck in their head? Does that happen to them often? “Oh God, not that one again” then begrudgingly play it til its out of his head. 

2) How do they feel about confronting their friends when issues arise? He’ll only confront them if the situation turns absolutely dire/Grant thinks the friendship is on the brink of disintegrating. He’ll try to keep his own feelings close to his chest if he thinks it’ll lead to a confrontation. 

3) When speaking to themselves in their mind, how do they refer to themselves? “You” and a buncha self-deprecating or self-preserving adjectives. 

4) Do they enjoy wearing socks/stockings when they aren’t wearing shoes? Not really. Socks get annoying after a while. 

5) Do they have any unappealing habits (ex: picking their nose, hawking loogies)? Does nearly nonstop self-hate count?

6) How do they cope with losing a game? Shrug it off and move on

7) How do they cope with losing an argument? Same as the last answer

8) How do they cope with losing a friend? Fuck him up entirely. Losing one if they part ways after a fight is right up there with losing his friends in that skirmish, so a lot of anger/grief goes internal and he either shuts down or turns the blame on himself. 

9) How do they cope with losing a lover? Not as upset about losing a friend, but close. It takes him a while to decide he’s even worthy of love, so it’s an outlook of “they’re better off without me.” 

10) Do they enjoy sitting on countertops? I wouldn’t say “enjoy” but he does if the place he’s in is cramped and the space allows for it. 

11) How expressive is their face? Are they easy to read? Not very expressive/he usually keeps a neutral face, but he expresses himself a lot via expressions, so when he does react to something, a little goes a long way. 

12) How do they deal with experiencing physical pain?  He’s got a high pain threshold, so he basically just rolls with it. 

13) Are they easily insulted? Not at all

14) Would they prefer to act or react? Depends on the situation. In general, react, if there’s an emergency or someone is in danger, then definitely act first. 

15) How would they respond to performing on stage? The only way to get him up on a stage would be if you had to administer medical attention on a flat surface while he was unconscious. Can’t respond to being up there if you go out of your way to never get on a stage. 

16) Would they ever wear perfume or cologne? When? What would the scent be? He’s not a cologne guy in the least. 

17) Could their personality or interests be considered “flighty?” Do they change their mind/interests often? Not at all. He’s got a small handful of interests that never really change/suit him just fine, so he’s happy with them. 

18) Do they daydream? Of what? All of the “what if”s if his life hadn’t gone to shit. 

19) What is the most inappropriate thing they have ever done in public? Decked a guy in passing for poking fun at an injured homeless vet. It was an emotional day for him to begin with, and it’s not ‘inappropriate’ per se, but he’s still not entirely thrilled he did something that escalated that quickly. 

20) What was their favorite toy as a child? Little He-Man figures that his uncles got him. 

21) What was their favorite way to play as a child (ex: playing pretend, playing games with rules like tag,)? Playing pretend, though usually it was basically only half a game, because he’d pretend to be a rancher/cowboy in the Old West while helping out at his uncles’ farm. 

22) How do the sneeze (ex: loudly, quietly, openly, into their elbow, hold the sneeze in)? Tries to be as quiet as possible, into his arm 

23) When engaged in an irritating conversation, how to they conduct themselves? Lots of smiling and nodding. 

24) What words make them cringe? “Purpose” , “square” (in a ‘town square’ sense), “guilt”

25) How do they feel in large crowds? Fairly comfortable, though the soldier in him is constantly noting how many exits are around/what have you in case of an emergency where he has to get people out. 

26) Would they ever spend an afternoon in a library? What section would they spend the most time in? He probably wouldn’t, but if he had to, probably any place with the comfiest chairs. 

27) Do they find it difficult to try new foods? Not at all, he’s willing to try new things right off the bat. 

28) If a friend asked them to taste something and it turned out to be unpleasant, how would they handle it? Not let them see him struggle with it, keep his face/voice as pleasant as possible. He’d rather die than hurt their feelings. And he’d wait a few minutes/at least a couple of it’s a quick cooking process and make ‘harmless suggestions’ to try and improve the dish - but deliver the suggestions so blase so it doesn’t seem like he’s actively correcting them and they think it’s mostly their personal change, ie: “Oh, that could use... I don’t know, little something for an extra little kick” “Hmm. Oh, I could add more sugar, even out some of the bitterness!” “Perfect!” 

29) Do they wear underwear? 100% of the time, yes

30) Can they pee in front of other people? Only people he’s close to/has known for years. 

31) What story gave them nightmares as a child? When his parents talked about getting promotions and the like - which meant less time for him, so he’d dream about them leaving him somewhere/forgetting him/being all alone etc. 

32) How would they respond to being handed an infant? Absolutely petrified. He would hate it, fear that he’s tainting the kid and try to hand them off to someone else the first chance they got. He’d definitely have to have someone right there next to him to reassure him that he’s being really good with them. Which is a crime because most babies usually immediately love him. 

33) How would they respond to being asked to watch over a child for an afternoon? “Uuuuhhh is there.... someone... else? More qualified?” 

34) Do they enjoy climbing trees? No. Doesn’t really see the point. 

35) In which of their own skill sets do they have the most confidence? Why? Threat assessment while referring to people, because it’s what he was good at in the Army. 

36) Do they enjoy receiving compliments? How do they respond to it? Laugh it off and be super dismissive about it. “Thanks, but not really.” 

37) How often are they the one to initiate physical contact? Not very often. He’s got to be in a rare affectionate mood to initiate. If someone else initiates he’d be happy to go along with it, though.

38) Do they prefer salty or sweet things? Sweet

39) Do they get the urge to jump from high places? ... ... You all know the angsty direction I could take this which is ABSOLUTELY true, but for now I’ll say no and be lying through my teeth. 

40) Have they every written a dirty letter and actually sent it? Not at all. Dirty communication of any kind isn’t his forte. 

41) How would they describe their love life?  “Non-existent and loving it” (John or Matthew walk by) “... ... Okay so that was an outright lie and I’m happy.” 

42) How would they describe their sex life? “Not bad” - he borders on ace so it doesn’t happen much, which he’s absolutely fine with. 

43) Do they hide objects? What and where? He doesn’t hide any objects. He figures he hides enough of his personal life, why add more things to the list? 

44) What are their reasons for getting up in the morning (outside of achieving their main goal)? Again there’s a very heavy, very true, very angsty answer that I could go with, but for now - he doesn’t want to disappoint and/or worry Nic, John or Matthew, so he’ll get up for them, then genuinely enjoy the day just because he gets to spend time with them. 

45) Who is their greatest confidant? Who confides in them? Nic. She was the first one in years to not pry into his life with annoying, over-asked questions. She didn’t constantly give him pitying looks either. She treated him like a regular person and let him come to her with details about his life, so she earned his trust and friendship, and that gives her confidant status. And it’s mutual for that reason. 

46) What is something they’ve always wanted to do, but know they shouldn’t? Tell off his parents for being shitty people. He could, but there’s already been so much damage between them and done to himself he’s afraid he’d rip apart what shreds of a relationship they have left. 

47) Is there someone whose laugh makes them laugh as well? Nic again, John on occasion, Whitehorse, Matthew

48) How festive are they on holidays? Depends on who he’s with. If he’s alone, he’ll be vaguely festive. Put him with Nic, or whichever boyfriend he has depending on the Universe, or his family he does have a good relationship with: “Hell yeah, give me that ugly sweater, Hell yeah I’ll help you with the ham, Hell yeah I’ll play Santa for the kids.” 

49) How would they respond to their ears ringing for an extended period of time? Would drive him absolutely bonkers and he’ll try any trick in the book to make it stop. 

50) How likely is it that they would be the first to point out a full moon or a beautiful sunset? He wouldn’t be the first to point it out but he’d be the first to notice it. 

[johnmauldin]

Corporate Debt Is at Risk of a Flash Crash

The world is awash in debt.

While some countries are more indebted than others, very few are in good shape.

The entire world is roughly 225% leveraged to its economic output. Emerging markets are a bit less and advanced economies a little more.

But regardless, everyone’s “real” debt is likely much bigger, since the official totals miss a lot of unfunded liabilities and other obligations.

Debt is an asset owned by the lender. It has a price, which—like anything else—can go up or down. The main variable is the lender’s confidence in repayment, which is always uncertain.

But there are degrees of uncertainty. That’s why (perceived) riskier debt has higher interest rates than (perceived) safer debt. The way to win is to have better insight into the borrower’s ability to repay those loans.

If a lender owns debt in which his confidence is low, but you believe has value, you can probably buy it cheaply. If you’re right, you’ll make a profit—possibly a big one.

That is exactly what happens in a recession.

Investment-Grade Zombies

While it’s easy to point fingers at profligate consumers, households largely spent the last decade reducing their debt.

The bigger expansion has been in government and business. Let’s zoom in on corporate debt.

The US investment-grade bond universe is considerably more leveraged than it was ahead of the last recession:

Source: Gluskin Sheff

Compared to earnings, US bond issuers are about 50% more leveraged now than in 2007. In other words, they’ve grown debt faster than profits.

Many borrowed cash not to grow the business, but to buy back shares. It’s been, as my friend David Rosenberg calls it, a giant debt-for-equity swap.

There’s another factor, though. Today’s “investment-grade” universe contains a higher proportion of riskier companies. The lowest investment grade tier, BBB, now constitutes half of all issuers:

Source: Gluskin Sheff

All these are just one downgrade away from being high-yield “junk bonds.”

The best data I can find shows that there are roughly $3 trillion worth of BBB bonds and another roughly $1 trillion worth of lower-rated bonds that would still be called “high-yield.”

If it happens like last time, the ratings agencies will wait until their fate is already sealed before they cut ratings on these zombies. But that’s only part of the problem.

Selling Under Pressure

I expect liquidity in these below-investment-grade bonds to disappear quickly in the next financial crisis.

We got a small hint of how this will look in the December 2015 meltdown of Third Avenue Focused Credit Fund (TFCVX), which had to suspend redemptions and then spend two years liquidating its assets.

The fund managers made the right call to liquidate their holdings slowly, getting the best values they could. But that won’t work if the entire fund industry is strained at the same time.

This is a structural problem with mutual funds and ETFs. They must redeem their shares on demand, usually in cash (though some reserve the right to do it in-kind).

If enough shareholders want out at the same time, this can force them to sell fund assets on short notice.

Falling Apart Quickly

When the recession hits, we will see junk bonds—and the riskier end of corporate debt generally—go into surplus.

There will be more available for sale than investors want to buy. The solution will be prices dropping to a point that attracts buyers. I don’t know where that point is, but it’s a lot lower than now.

But there’s a problem. We talked about that $3 trillion worth of BBB bonds. Any that are downgraded by merely one grade will no longer qualify as “investment grade.”

That means that many pension funds, insurance funds, and other regulated entities by law won’t be able to hold them. They have a very short time to sell them back into the market.

Let’s say company X issues $100 million of a bond rated BBB by Moody’s or Standard & Poor’s. There is a high likelihood that some will be in regulated pension or insurance funds, and there will be forced selling at lower prices.

This will set a new price for that bond issue. Every mutual fund and ETF that holds those bonds will have to use the lower price when they mark-to-market at the end of the day.

I have seen this happen three times in my career. Yields go from fairly low to 20% or more at what seems like warp speed. If you are in one of those funds, you’re going to see your value drop precipitously.

Unless you are a professional and/or have some systematic trading signal that tells you when to trade, it’s probably best to avoid anything that looks like a high-yield mutual fund or ETF.

More money is going to be lost by more people reaching for yield in this next high-yield debacle than all the theft and fraud combined in the last 50 years.

A Once-in-a-Lifetime Opportunity

I can understand the plight of retirees who are struggling to live on today’s meager yields. Those high-yield funds have been so good for so long, it’s easy to forget how disastrous a bear market can be. But it gets worse.

Quick personal story, and I have to be vague about names here.

Some bond issues have been bought in their entirety by a small handful of high-yield bond funds. The problem is that the company that issued these bonds has defaulted on them. Not just missed a payment or two, but full default.

Their true value, if the funds tried to sell them, might be 25–30% of face if they actually traded, according to the people who told me this. But the funds still value them at the purchase price of $0.95 on the dollar.

How is it they’re still valued much higher? Because the funds haven’t tried to sell them. No transactions mean they can still be “priced” at the last trade, and since there have been no subsequent trades, there is no “mark-to-market” price.

If any of those few funds sold any of these bonds, it would set a “market price” and all would have to mark down the entire holding. So naturally, they aren’t even trying to avoid taking the hit to their NAV.

So here’s my question: How many other junk bond issues are in similar positions?

Note this isn’t just high-yield funds. Lots more “conservative” bond funds try to juice their returns by holding a small slice in high-yield. Regulations let them do this, within limits, but these funds are so huge the assets add up.

This game could fall apart very quickly. Any event that triggers redemptions could set off an avalanche.

I don’t know what that event would be, but I’m pretty sure one will happen. My own goal is to be a buyer, not a seller, whenever it occurs. For now, that means holding cash and exercising a lot of patience.

If I’m right, the payoff will be a once-in-a-generation chance to buy quality assets at pennies or dimes or quarters on the dollar. I think the next selloff in high-yield bonds is going to offer one of the great opportunities of my lifetime.

In a distressed debt market, when the tide is going out, everything goes down. Some very creditworthy bonds will sell at a fraction of the eventual return. This is what makes for such great opportunities. They only come a few times in your life.

There will be one in your near future.

The Great Reset: The Collapse of the Biggest Bubble in History

New York Times best seller and renowned financial expert John Mauldin predicts an unprecedented financial crisis that could be triggered in the next five years. Most investors seem completely unaware of the relentless pressure that’s building right now. Learn more here.

[protagonistheavy]

Shitblast about the Pokemon Presentation incoming:

That sucked the life out of me to be totally, un-exaggeratedly honest. It sucked pretty much any care I could have about Pokemon for a good couple of years at least. The downward slant of the franchise is just ridiculously obvious, and genuinely I don’t think I want to buy into the series anymore -- I’ve gotten burned enough times to not even try and get hyped for anything as ugly as the DP remakes or Legends.

Before I even get into the games they talked about, I just want to rag on that opening video thing. The huge montage of all the different things the pokemon franchise has, uh, infected I guess. Am I the only one that was really, really put-off by this? It just seemed like such a huge ass pat for themselves, like, “woo-hoo, look at our millions of dollars we spent on NOT the video games.” And it’s not even structured in some kind of catchy song, it’s just people chanting out hashtags that pop up on screen. It’s so cheaply made and they do shit like this pretty much every fucking year, I’m sorry but I just found this whole thing to be a waste of time. It didn’t get me hyped for anything to come, that’s for sure, it just reminded me that I’ve been waiting and waiting and waiting for Pokemon to actually progress itself and catch up with a modern market.

Pokemon Snap was the only cool thing from the presentation, and that’s a game we’ve already known about and is honestly too simple to fail. They would have to REALLY fuck up a game as straightforward as Snap. And this presentation didn’t bring any exciting new light to the game, just confirming that yes, yes you will indeed be taking pictures of pokemon, and then sharing those pictures with friends. Everything they’ve talked about is just the natural modernizations I’d expect from any game claiming to be about photography and made in 2021. The most exciting thing they could show off was the illumination item thing, which is just sorta, okay I guess.

The DP remake was disheartening. I honestly wish they didn’t even bother, and just ported the game as-it-was to the Switch.

I hate these graphics. And no, no it’s not some “style.” This isn’t a stylistic choice, this isn’t a “theme,” whatever this toddler’s toy aesthetic is supposed to be. It isn’t. It’s a budget constraint -- it’s a compromise. And I honestly hate that people are trying to defend it as some sort of art style, when I know 100% they would never defend another game like this nearly as hard. They would look at ANY game with graphics this shit and call it out.

There’s this excuse that it’s an art style theme, akin to Link’s Awakening remake on the Switch. Except, did people forget that Link’s Awakening actually looked good? Because it was actually designed to look like everything was a miniature. They used proper shading and texturing to sell that aesthetic, to make it look pleasing to the eye. Link’s Awakening is proud of its graphics and it does as much as it can visually to lean on that aesthetic. These DP remakes? There’s no heart put into this “art direction” at all. The textures are all plastic and flat and even downright muddy -- compare any screenshot of the remake to an original location and you’ll see how awful the colors are now, and how vague some of the models are after having been transformed from sprites. There’s no intent at all from the devs to actually include the polish necessary to make this style work -- it’s not an art style decision, it’s a budget constraint. They chose this design for the game because it would be easy to make, even easier to animate, and they could then justify slapping both of these games with $60 price tags. And yeah I get it -- “we don’t know how much these games are going to be!” -- no we do, it’s going to be fucking $60 like anything else released on the Switch, but if you seriously think this is worth $50 or even $40, then whatever, spend your damn money.

And yeah I am bitter that this is against precedent of the previous remakes. Every other remake before this had the time taken to update the graphics and direction to modern standards, and every remake was better because of it. It was refreshing to revisit these older worlds with modern sensibilities and an updated perspective -- the whole appeal of updating these older games is to give them the love and depth that technology at the time wouldn’t allow. At least that’s the appeal for me, I guess there’s a LOT of people out there whose appeal to Pokemon as a franchise is just buying whatever fucking comes out next and just mashing that A button into a state of satisfaction. This bums me out so bad that instead of getting something with passion and care, we get the absolute cheapest output; a remake that doesn’t promise anything new or exciting, burdened with absolute shit graphics.

And again, this style just sucks. It isn’t cute lol. I guess some people are gonna be into it, that’s fine I guess, but wow I don’t believe a single person that claims “this is what I imagined DP to be like.” No you didn’t, fuck the shut up? You’re really going to tell me that, in your most immersed state of playing this game, you imagined everything to be these fucking toddler toys? Okay you’re just on your own for that one -- I and every other normal human did not think of the DP world as some chibi fantasyland full of lego people. I hate that this is even excused as being some sort of “hark back” to the older art style -- the older art style wasn’t toy-themed or plastic-themed! What the fuck are people trying to pull here? It’s such a shame that DP had amazing sprite work and a wonderful world and an enticing story, but its remake is just going to underplay all of that, abandon it all just so it can have some gimmicky art style -- at best it’s a gimmicky art style riding the coattails of Link’s Awakening, and at worst it’s a budget cut done to make the game as cheap as possible to shit out.

I’m so disappointed in this. I was really looking forward to experiencing DP as a remake, I’ve never played this generation before. I wanted to play the remakes because I didn’t want to adapt to the older logic of the games, and I wanted to be able to bring in my own pokemon, have my own adventure. I wanted another experience like ORAS or HGSS. I didn’t want to go through the work of trying to play the original in a reasonable way. But since this is the direction of the remake, to make it look cheap as hell and totally heartless, then I’m just forced to play the original, and that sucks on a lot of layers.

And then Legends of Arceus or whatever.

Look. I want to like this game. And realistically I do like the idea of this game. But just like the DP remake, it looks like it’s the absolute cheapest response to what fans have been asking for, and it looks like it just wants to ride off the success of another, better franchise. I’ll make a wish now that I hope this game proves to be so much better than it looks in this presentation.

But wow, wow. I don’t think that’s going to happen. This looks like full-on garbage.

I wanted a BotW-like Pokemon game ever since, well, BotW. I think an open-world format would do wonders for the Pokemon formula, and SwSh had potential with its Wild Areas. But again, all the cheapest choices have been made. This game reeks of developers being told that fans want a BotW-styled Pokemon game, and then responding by just inserting pokemon assets into a beta test world of BotW. They didn’t show anything that looked promising for Pokemon gameplay, they just showed elements that are enough to convince an audience, “trust us, this is an open-world, with open-world mechanics -- like stealth! Rolling into bushes! Isn’t that cool? Isn’t this how you want to catch pokemon?”

It’s heartless. The developers clearly don’t care about making an open-world pokemon game; they’re interested in making pokemon an open-world game, the difference being that they don’t care about actually organically mixing the two. It’s just going to be a slop of open-world mechanics, set in an open-world that has no reason to be explored and is ugly as sin to look at, with mechanics designed to slow you down and fill in that 40-60 hour expectation. And I say this with as much confidence as I do because if they did have anything interesting to mention about Legends, they would have fucking said it -- they would have highlighted where pokemon gameplay intercepts open-world gameplay in a meaningful way, they would have brought attention to new mechanics that could only work in an open-world pokemon game.

They didn’t. They showed off a player character rolling into some bushes, and manually throwing a pokeball.

And that’s just the gameplay. Can’t we all agree this game is visual vomit? Just utterly fucking terrible to look at? There are literally fangames with SUCH better graphics. And there’s no excuse here like “oh it doesn’t LOOK like shit, looking-like-shit is its aesthetic!” No it just looks terrible on every level. The textures are so fucking muddy and stretched. The terrain is cobbled together and without inspiration; flat fields, angular hills, and randomly placed trees and bushes, all of which are rendered so badly that you can always see how 2D they are. The player models are uncomfortably stiff and expressionless. And the pokemon? The fucking pokemon?

Why do the pokemon look so fucking ugly? What’s the goddamn excuse? We see pokemon in the overworld, moving around and prancing about -- and they’re animated at like ten frames per second. That’s being generous! These pokemon look like they had three frames of animation to swap between! What the fuck is this?! Sword and Shield have overworld pokemon running around, and those didn’t need significant frame cuts! So how the hell did they manage to stumble so far backwards?! Why is this even a fucking challenge...?!?! Why do I have to be gaslit to believe that video games can’t do more than this? There are so many games doing so much, so much fucking more in even just one second of gameplay. So many games with intense graphics, explosive effects, tons of enemies and players on-screen, all this happening at once... sometimes online... and yet Pokemon still can’t even animate a fucking monkey dancing around in an empty field. What the fuck is the excuse here? How can they honestly show off this gameplay footage and feel proud of their work, without at least saying something like, “This is early-as-fuck test footage of the game, this is like one week into development, this is why it looks so ugly and unpolished.”

You know those throwaway junk games on Steam? That sell for like three or five dollars, and it’s just a really terrible FPS set in a generic wasteland environment? Yeah THOSE games look ten times better than this shit. There are so many pokemon fangames that exist that do this exact concept but DON’T look like utter garbage on the eyes at the same time. It’s baffling -- why is it so difficult for them to not make an ugly-as-sin game? Why does it have to be this way? How can the Switch host a game like BotW or Mario Odyssey but it can’t fucking handle Pokemon?

And this idea doesn’t even sound fun, the concept of being in the “ancient past” of the Sinnoh region just isn’t what I wanted. When I wanted an open-world Pokemon game, I expected it to be... you know, pokemon! I expected gyms or some kind of equivalent, I imagined it having modern sensibilities... But instead it’s this really gimmicky concept, because I guess the devs can’t possibly imagine the normal pokemon world even possibly engaging with something new and different -- no, we have to go to effectively a whole other planet just to let players have pokemon in an open world.

Ultimately these games are fucking disgusting to look at and it’s so disappointing to see them in this state. The DP remakes chose a cheap art style not because they thought it complemented Sinnoh or its story, but because it was the bare minimum to making the game and justifying a $60 price tag. Legends of Arceus has potential, but it’s showing right off the bat that it doesn’t have the manpower or passion behind it to actually live up to it, making it just another cash grab that relies on chasing the coattails of a more successful franchise. And both seem like insulting cheap answers to the two things die-hard pokemon fans have been asking for, making this situation all the worse.

The Pokemon Company doesn’t care, and neither do I anymore. I genuinely don’t see myself playing another pokemon game. It’s so sad because these games are full of potential, and a long-term commitment is obviously one of its appeals. But if this is the direction of the franchise, then fuck me. I don’t want to support ugly-as-hell spinoffs that exist only to shut up the fanbase, I hate how Sword and Shield came out and I hated how scummy the DLC was to add onto it. This series is blatantly trying to rob players by producing as absolute little as possible, they want to make money out of nothing, and I’m not coughing up that money anymore. This is ridiculous. Sword and Shield being so disappointing was one thing... the DLC being cashgrabs for material that should’ve just been post-game content was mind-numbing... but these two games looking like total garbage is on another level. It’s beyond disappointing; it’s insulting that they would even bother making these games with as little heart as they are, so clearly and obviously making games that they know players will shell out cash for regardless of its quality.

I hope the fanbase really matures and wisens up to this because that’s why we’re in this mess. You’re allowed to enjoy this “art style” of the DP remakes, you’re allowed to be hyped for the new gameplay of Legends... but please, for the love of god, have some higher standards than this. Please look at what other game companies can do with their games, and how much they charge, and how much fulfillment and content is in those games. We need to expect more from the literal most-profitable franchise of all time -- they have the resources, they have the capabilities, they choose to be lazy so that they can get as much money out of us as possible. It’s got to be put to an end. Please ask for more from these games. Please don’t settle for these games “because at least they’re still pokemon,” “because at least the pokemon battles are the same,” “because at least the older games are still technically playable.”

After all this, I just don’t believe Pokemon anymore when it tries to sell itself “to everybody.” That’s just plain not true. Their core audience is the dumbest of 10 year-olds and the dumbest of die-hard fans. They don’t care about their community any deeper than their wallets.

[duke-nitro]

Mercury Falling AU: Part 7: #%@$!

(Also on ao3!)

Thad is 100% sure he's going to ace this essay on the French Revolution. That doesn't stop him from reading and re-reading it the entire bus ride to school, though.

After he's re-read it around 50 times, he takes a quick look around the bus and he sees Bart sitting next to Carol and Preston in the row opposite, trying to write his essay as fast as he can without tearing the paper or setting on fire. It is, at best, barely legible. He goes back to reviewing his essay.

When the bus reaches the school Thad makes sure he's the first one off the bus and first inside, which he does every day, so that he can minimize the amount of people he has to be in close proximity with. Hell, the only people he really talks to are teachers and the theater club, and that's just because he has to.

He gets to the classroom before the teacher is even ready and sits down, ready to blow everyone away with his essay.

For the last few weeks Max hasn't successfully meditated even once. He's "fallen asleep" every time he's tried. This sudden narcolepsy is rather worrying considering last month's medical crisis, but Max doesn't mention it in hopes that it will just pass. Well, that and he doesn't want to stress everybody out, especially not when everything is finally starting to calm down.

But today, Bart and Thad have just left for school and Helen is going to be at work all day, so Max is going to take the opportunity to try and meditate non-stop, and if he falls asleep he'll try again when he wakes up.

He realizes that this is probably a very bad idea, but he figures that if he manages to succeed just once, he can figure out and solve the problem before anyone else notices.

"Class, I hope you remembered to do your essa-" Thad stands up so suddenly his chair just about falls over, but a super-quick move prevents that embarrassment. He walks over to the front of the class just a little too fast to be normal.

The teacher looks at him quizzically and says "As I was about to say, I hope you did your essays, but if you haven't finished them yet, you can either finish them or review them to make sure you're actually done with them during recess."

Thad decides take this opportunity to reread his essay few more dozen times, just to make sure it's perfect. Around his tenth readthrough, he feels someone lean over his shoulder. His immediate instinct is to stab whoever just dared to violate his personal space. However, he doesn't have anything sharp within arms reach, so he decides to punch them instead.

Then he hears "So, did you finish this shitty assignment?"

Suddenly, all the fury in him disappears. Now, the only thing on his mind is a burning question, and after momentarily wrestling with himself, he turns to the boy with the eyepatch and asks:

"What does that word mean?"

Eyepatch Boy gives him a confused look and responds "Which word?"

"Shitty", Thad replies matter-of-factly.

"S-seriously?"

"Yes."

"Do you know any swears?"

Thad, starting to get more than a bit frustrated that he's not just saying what it means and wasting his time, snaps "Just tell me what it means already!"

Eyepatch Boy jumps a little at the outburst and says "Jeez, give me a minute!" and takes a moment to close his eyes and think. During that moment, Thad almost decides to take a millisecond to go get a dictionary, but Max and Helen do keep telling him to socialize more, and, not wanting to disappoint them, chooses to wait.

Eyepatch Boy snaps his eyes open and looks at Thad with a gleam in his eye that, if he could read people to any degree, Thad would recognize as pure mischief.

"Alright," Eyepatch Boy says confidently as he plops onto the bench next to Thad, "so there's shit, damn, ass, bitch, to name a few."

Thad gets lost in thought for a moment, silently berating himself for not knowing such simple-sounding words. Then he is consumed by need to learn, to fill in any cracks in his (vast, if you were to ask him) intellect, so that he can protect his ego from those embarrassing situations where he misses key words and responds to what he thinks they said.

Thad asks "Why did you call them swears?”

A vaguely malicious grin creeps across the other boy's face as he says "Because people swear by them, duh!"

Thad makes a mental note to drop his body into a whirlpool if he talks down to him liked that again.

Eyepatch Boy continues "You haven't heard them because they're fancy words, used only by the most distinguished people. Hell, most people have never even heard the words said out loud!"

At this point, Thad is starting to get suspicious, but he figures that of he was being lied to Craydl would start vibrating his watch at a frequency that signals "liar". Unfortunately for him, he grabbed the wrong one. The watch was made while he was impersonating Bart, and it was modelled to look exactly like Bart's, so that no one would ask where the new watch came from.

Meanwhile, Bart is starting to think his watch is broken. It's really hard to write an essay while your arm is about to get shaken off, so he puts it in his backpack.

"Alright class, step up and read your essays."

Thad doesn't need the prompt. In fact, he never even bothered to sit down.

He takes his place next to the desk and scans the room, looking at all the people whose lives he's sure he's going change with his essay.

He notices Eddie, who had introduced himself after helping Thad with all the different ways the words can be used. Eddie gives him a thumbs up.

Thad grins, clears his throat, does a short vocal exercise, takes a deep breath, and starts reading his rewritten essay.

The ringing of a phone startles Max from his meditation. He sighs and moves to pick up the phone, ready to tell yet another salesperson that he doesn't want what they're selling. He should really get around to asking the phone company to fix the caller ID.

He grabs the phone, but the caller starts talking before he can make a sound.

"Hello? Is this Maxwell Crandall?"

The voice on the other end of the line isn't a salesperson, surprisingly. It's a voice Max has unfortunately heard far too much of in the last year.

The school's principal, Edith Crimbleton.

He steels himself and says "Hello, Edith. What did Bart do this time?"

"It wasn't Bartholomew this time. It was your other child, Thaddeus."

Max facepalms and responds, somehow sounding more tired then when he was sick, "What happened?""

"Thaddeus started... started... spewing such horrible vulgarities!"

Max is startled by the sudden outburst. He's never heard her get this loud, not even after that time Bart accidentally lit his desk on fire.

He opens his mouth to speak, but Edith doesn't give him the chance.

"Then he committed pugilistic actions against his fellow classmates!"

Max bites back a curse. He just knows he'll never hear the end of this at the next PTA meeting.

"I'll be there as quick as I can."

When he gets there, the first thing he does is have a superspeed talk with Bart, who is trying to set his broken nose so that it doesn't heal weird.

"'kay, so Thad was reading his essay, right? And there was so much cursing! Like, every fourth word was a swear!"

Max's face contorts into the visual equivalent of an exasperated groan. He already doesn't know how he's going to talk Edith out of expelling Thad, and he hasn't even headed the whole story.

Bart continues "And everybody's laughing, 'cause it was hilarious. But Thad just looked pissed."

"Language, Bart."

"Whatever. Like I was saying, Thad looked angrier than I've ever seen him. Like, he was so red I thought he was gonna explode!", Bart says while fanning his arms out in an attempt to mime an explosion.

"Then he ran over and started whaling on Evil Eye!"

"That kid with the eyepatch?"

"Yeah. So I went over to pull him off, and he kicked me in the grifein' face!"

"Bart. Just because Thad was swearing doesn't mean you can."

Bart looks a lot more hurt by that than Max would have expected, but Bart continues recapping anyways.

"After that everything's kind of a blur. Thad stopped when the teacher yelled at him."

There is a moment of awkward silence after Bart trails off. Max gives him a hand motion that says "go on".

"Oh!" Bart exclaims. "That's it."

Max pinches the bridge of his nose and steels himself for the difficult talk ahead of him.

Forty-five minutes of intense negotiating later, Max finally manages to convince Edith to not outright expel Thad.

Thad does get a month's worth of detention, effective immediately.

Max decides to give him the "Don't try to beat the life out of your classmates" talk when he gets home.

Thad has never felt so ashamed. He should have known he was being tricked!

He looks around the detention hall and sees his deceiver, Evil Eye. Thad can see a black eye peeking out from under his eyepatch.

He wishes no one had stopped him from getting his vengeance.

Half an hour later, the teacher steps out for a moment and Thad hears a chair quickly move and quick footsteps coming towards him. He grips his pencil tight, ready to stab him if the first words out of his mouth aren't begging for an apology.

A hand slams down on his desk as Eddie loudly proclaims "I realize what I did was wrong, and I apologize." he extends his other hand and adds "Friends?", far too cheerily for Thad's taste.

Thad looks at his hand, then looks him dead in the eye and deadpans "You just want me to be your dumb muscle, don't you."

Eddie scoffs and says "What? No, of course not!"

Thad levels him with a glare that could peel paint. Eddie is completely unaffected by it, but he spills the beans the moment Thad starts to stand up.

"Okay, fine, you got me! But can you blame me? You have the quickest hands this side of Central City!"

Thad settles back down in his chair and retorts "I can and I will blame you, and if you try to trick me again you will regret it."

The threat, much like the glare, doesn't affect Eddie much. In fact, it doesn't even make Eddie miss a beat, as he immediately responds "Okay, okay, I get it, you're still mad."

An understatement, Thad thinks.

"But... I know a very good way to work it off."

Once it becomes clear that he won't say what it is until Thad responds, Thad sighs and begrudgingly says "Fine, I'll bite. What is it?"

"Do you wanna torch Herbie Hawke's car?"

Thad runs the name through his memory to see if he knows it. He doesn't. And, against his better judgement, he asks "Who?"

Eddie looks incredulous as he says "You don't know Herbie Hawke? The guy whose been campaigning for mayor since the last election? Two years ago?"

Now Thad knows he's being lied to. And he decides to voice that opinion.

"I'm insulted that you think I'm stupid enough to fall for that."

Eddie freezes, like he can't believe what he just heard. He then takes a single step to the side at points at the huge billboard across the street that has an image of a very pasty man on of and reads "HERBIE HAWKE FOR MAYOR".

Thad's not entirely sure if it's legal to put a political ad right next to a school.

In an attempt to hide his shame, Thad asks "And why should we?" in the most condescending tone he can manage.

'C'mon dude, just look at the guy!"

Thad glares at Eddie before taking a closer look at the billboard. There's not much to it, Thad thinks, just your average middle-aged, doughy, balding politician with an empty smile. What little hair he has left is brown, but it's only still that color due to the worst dye-job Thad has ever seen.

Then he looks into his eyes and a shiver runs down his spine. There is not a single drop of emotion behind them, the kind of eyes Thad could imagine on a serpent, one ready to strike the moment you turn your back on it.

While Thad is looking at the ad, Eddie begins to recite the laundry list of things that should bar Herbie from campaigning.

The list contains, but is not limited to: Drugrunning, blackmail, embezzling, attempting to rig an election, and at least one suspected murder.

Thad scrunches his nose up and asks "How do you know all that?"

Eddie chuckles and says "Both my dad and grandpa are career supervillains, so they know about a lot of the dirt that happens here."

Thad weighs his options; either ignore him and go about his day, or wreck some dirtbag's car in such a way he could easily make Eddie's death look like an accident. Only if Eddie betrays him, of course.

Thad thinks that this is maybe the easiest decision he's ever had to make in his life.

Around the time Max is wondering when Thad is going to get back, as he usually comes home the first moment physically can, the phone rings. Max prays to any god that will listen that it's not more bad news, and picks up the phone.

"Hello?"

Max immediately recognizes the voice as Thad's, and an extremely bland conversation follows, the end result of which is Thad telling Max that he's going to patrol for a bit before he comes back.

After he hangs up, Max goes to help Helen with dinner, more than a little bit glad that Thad is at least trying to make up for what he did.

It's not going to stop him from getting lectured later, though.

Thad hangs up the payphone, feeling far worse than he thought he would about the lie.

He sneaks back into the bush across the street from Herbie Hawkes' mcmansion, where he and Eddie are waiting for night to fall.

The wait is an arduous task, but they pass the time by talking about stuff like "What is the best way to pickpocket somebody" and "Where is the best place to hit someone and knock them out without causing lifelong injuries".

The fact that they're talking about committing crimes while waiting to commit a crime against someone for committing crimes is not lost on them.

It takes an hour for it to get dark enough so that they won't be seen. They creep across the street towards the car parked on the curb. As Eddie gets to work picking the lock, Thad starts to wonder why Herbie parked his car out here when, in his line of sight, he can see the three-car garage connected to his house.

Suddenly, just as Eddie gets the door open, Thad is nearly deafened by an alarm. He vibrates his hand through the hood of the car and breaks the alarm as fast as he can.

Then, silence follows.

Neither of them dare to even take a breath until they're sure the coast is clear. A whole minute later, after no response, they share a sigh of relief.

Then a door slams open.

Thad and Eddie scramble to get underneath the car and out of sight. They hear the door-slammer screaming "WHY WON'T YOU GOSHDARN HOOLIGANS LEAVE ME ALONE!?"

The distinctive sound of a shotgun cocking is almost drowned out by the door-slammer's rant continues "I SWEAR TO THE FATHER, THE SON, AND THE HOLY GHOST THAT IF I SEE ANY OF Y'ALL, I'LL SHOOT YER DANG HEADS OFF!"

He goes on and on like that for about ten minutes before Thad scoots forward to at least see what's happening, and what he sees is a middle-aged, doughy, balding man prowling the lawn with a shotgun, screaming at people who, under normal circumstances, would be miles away.

He is suddenly snapped out of his thoughts by the sound of Eddie hitting his head off the bottom of the car trying to get a peek at the action.

Both Thad and Herbie turn to the sound, Thad silently shushing, Herbie leveling his gun, poised to fire the moment he sees movement.

Thad would run away, but Eddie has a death grip on his leg. Normally this wouldn't stop him, but he found out that Eddie is Morlo's grandson when they were passing time, and he actually kinda likes Morlo so he doesn't want to get on his bad side.

Thad turns back to see Herbie creeping towards the car. It takes an agonizingly long time for him to get there, and when he does, Eddie looks like he's about to have a heart attack.

Just as Herbie starts to crouch a trashcan down the block falls over. Herbie breaks into a mad dash towards it, rounding the corner to chase the supposed vandal .

Thad and Eddie drag themselves out from underneath the car. Eddie pulls a bottle with an oily rag sticking out of it out of his jacket, prompting Thad to hiss "What are you doing!?" as Eddie yanks the rag out.

Eddie doesn't respond, instead opening the door and liberally emptying the contents of the bottle over the seats. Once the bottle is devoid of fluids, he hands the rag to Thad, who gives him a quizzical look as he produces a lighter and sets the rag aflame.

Thad immediately panics and throws it into the car, which instantly bursts into flame. Eddie belts out a victory whoop and runs away, Thad on his heels not a second later. They run and run and run until Eddie yells "Split!" and makes a sudden right turn down an alley. Thad figures this is the best time to go home and take a shower.

He has his hand on the doorknob when he realizes "Wait, cars have gas in them. Fire explodes gas."

Cue desperate sprint back to the car. It takes him less than 5 seconds to remove the gas tank and make a break for it, tank under his arm until he can find a place to property dispose of it.

On his way to the dump, he sees something that makes him screech to a halt. He so did not want or need to fight a supervillain today.

The villain in question is one Thad has never seen before, but he looks a character from those obscenely bloody movies Bart always watches, what with his massive physique, hockey mask, flannel shirt, and coveralls, not to mention that he's as silent as a tomb.

The only thing keeping him from that aesthetic is the fact that he is currently attempting to steal a monster truck with what appears to be tons of psychically controlled mud.

Thad hears a crackling sound behind him, so he takes a peek over his shoulder and freezes when he sees the fire that has been trailing him since he took the gas tank.

He looks at the tank. Then at the villain. Then back to the tank. Infinitely done with today and not willing to take the time to think of an alternative, he chucks the tank as hard as he can at the villain, who encases himself in a ball of mud to avoid harm.

The tank embeds in the mud, exploding when the fire catches up to it. Fortunately or unfortunately, depending on your viewpoint, Thad forgot to consider if the truck also had gas in it, so that explodes too, the shockwave flinging the mudball over the horizon.

Thad wipes the sweat from his brow and runs home again, this time actually managing to get inside.

He immediately feels a ball of shame and guilt form in his gut when he realizes he missed dinner. Who does that? Who shoves themselves into someone else's life then denies their hospitality?

Thad is interrupted from his downward spiral by a gruff voice saying "There's leftovers in the fridge."

Max walks past him and settles down on the couch, gesturing at the seat next to him. Thad had almost forgotten about the lecture.

He is in no mood to have this talk, so he decides to get out of it the most efficient way he can think of: the truth.

"Eddie and myself have come to an..." Thad stops to think of the right word. Grife, he hates these past languages. He finds the word, snaps his finger and says, a tad louder than necessary, "Understanding!"

"Uh-huh."

The almost non-answer doesn't stop Thad from continuing "So if we can do this tomorrow that would be preferable because I really need a shower."

"I can tell." Max deadpans.

Thad takes that as a cue to go, but he stops at the foot of the stairs and timidly asks "You're... you're not mad, are you?"

Max sighs and says "No, I just have a headache."

Thad, relieved by the answer, goes to take his shower.

Max turns the TV on and changes it to the news, which is trying to report two stories simultaneously; a supervillain attack, and the vandalising of a mayoral candidate's car. It doesn't take too much thinking to connect Thad smelling like gas, a torched car, and a villain defeated by a gas explosion.

Great, yet another thing he has to get Thad to explain.

They cut to an interview with the haggard candidate, who is ranting about the "degenerates" who wrecked his car.

The man goes on and on and on, making Max think maybe, just maybe, he'll let Thad get away with this one. On second thought, Bart would probably take it personally, so that's out of the question.

Eventually, the news becomes background noise and Max drifts off to sleep.

In the middle of his slumber, Max realizes that he is standing, but he cannot move any part of his body.

He stands there for what feels like ages until a tiny shock of electricity gives him just enough energy to open his eyes.

What he sees leaves him with the most intense feeling of déjà-vu he has ever felt. His vision is completely taken up by an endless purple maelstrom.

Max suddenly recognizes where he is: The Speed Force. But something feels... wrong about it. But he can't place what that something is.

"Max, Max, Max, haven't we done this enough times today?" a voice drawls behind him.

A particularly hard smack on his back is followed by a completely featureless purple man swaggering into his line of sight.

"Well, technically I brought you here this time, but hey, semantics, right?" Max feels like the man would have a shit-eating grin plastered on his face if he had one.

"As you can probably tell, I am very busy." He gestures at the purple energy enveloping everything. "And I don't have the time to keep wiping your mind, as fun as it is."

"Now, I am a gracious host, so I'll give you a fighting chance." The man, quick as lightning, grabs Max's face. Instantaneously, the memories of the entire last month of meditation is returned to him.

Still reeling from the shock, he nearly misses the man say "If you can guess my name, I will let you keep those memories. Five minutes. Though I bet you'll get it before then."

Max immediately starts trying to deduct who the man could possibly be. He seems to think that Max has far more information than he actually does. His thoughts are only interrupted by the man chiming in for every minute passed.

Just as Max concludes that he has no idea who he is, the man cheers "Time's up!"

He reaches out his hand, crackling with electricity, towards Max as he says "One chance. No retries. Good luck!"

A bolt hits Max, giving him the energy to make at least one movement, maybe less.

So he does nothing.

It takes the man less than fifteen seconds to become irrationally impatient, saying "C'mon man, didn't I give you enough?" He blasts Max again.

Max remains completely still. He gets blasted another three times. Still nothing.

The man, who'd previously kept himself at arm's length, storms up to him, yelling "You'd better give me an answer before I do something you'll regret!"

So Max gives him an answer, in the form of a punch to the face.

The man explodes as the Speed Force screams and turns to a more reddish-purple.

Max then feels the unpleasant sensation of about two thousand fists colliding with him at the same time.

Suddenly the man is inches from Max's face, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt, flinging him around like a ragdoll and screeching "HOW DARE YOU!? I'LL THROW YOUR DOG OFF A BRIDGE AND BEAT YOUR MOTHER WITH WHAT'S LEFT! I'D RIP OUT YOUR GUTS AND WEAR THEM AS A HAT IF I DIDN'T ALREADY HAVE ONE!” he points at his own head so forcefully that he makes contact with his head and he freezes.

He runs a hand over his hatless head and looks down at his barren torso. He lets go of Max's battered form and puts both hands on his smooth face, during which the Speed Force returns to it's previous purple hue.

The man sheepishly mutters “Uh... whoops. My bad."

He pulls Max back to his feet and, brushing off nonexistent dirt, conversationally saying "No wonder you couldn't tell who I was!"

Once Max is sufficiently cleaned up and re-frozen, the man takes a step back and admires his handiwork. He then appears to get lost in thought for a minute, until a figurative lightbulb lights up over his head.

He jams his thumbs into where his eyesockets would be and twists them around until he's satisfied. When he pulls them out, two blindingly white orbs taking up the previously blank space. Not quite done, he grabs his jaw and tears open a jagged mouth for himself.

He looks over to Max and remarks "I'm doing a pretty good job, wouldn't ya say?" He then proceeds to cackle at his own joke for a while until he smacks his cheeks lightly and says "Right, back to work."

He digs his fingers into his hip and drags it up his chest diagonally, an upside down lightning bolt forming after it. He spins on his heel like a top before striking a pose like a stage magician, declaring "Now for the peace day resistance!"

Max wishes more than anything that he could do anything to make him shut the hell up.

The man gestures dramatically at the wall of the Speed Force and a chunk of iron flies out of it. He starts molding it like a sculptor would clay, rambling  "You know, I was just as surprised as you are now when I found out that people aren't the only things that get sucked in here. You're probably thinking, "Oh, he's so cool! I wish I was as smart as hi-" Ah! It's done!" He holds up the finished product, a familiar helmet, with reverence.

"Well, it's almost done." He waves a hand and some copper wire flies into his hand. He quickly gets to work fashioning it into the shape he wants, saying "Gold doesn't last too long in here, so I have to make due. And... done!"

The man proudly puts the helmet, now complete with tiny wings, and struts up to Max, saying "Now to deal with you."

He puts his hand almost entirely over Max's face, leaving his eyes exposed. "If it makes you feel any better, I wasn't going to let you keep those memories even if you did guess my name."

Max clenches his hand into a fist, surprising the man.

"Oh! You're stronger than I thought. I guess I should tell you something about me." He smiles an almost friendly smile at Max. "Right? Right."

Then, faster than Max can comprehend, his head is slammed against the ground and held there.

The man, with a crazed look on his face, snarls "I. Have. No. Rival."

Electricity shoots through the man's arm and straight into Max's skull as the man says, chipper as can be, "See you in a couple weeks!"

Max wakes up so violently that he almost falls out of bed.

Once he composes himself, he tries to remember what the dream was, but his headache is so blinding that he can't. Oh, well.

He then starts his morning routine, which consists of the usual stuff people do in the morning; getting dressed, brushing teeth, taking a shower, making a detailed schedule of the day, and... huh.

He can't remember the last time he's meditated. Hmm. Of course, he thinks, now he has two kids to teach and he barely had the time to mediate with just one!

Routine finished, Max goes downstairs to get breakfast and to tell Thad that it's not okay to beat up your classmates or set people's cars on fire and no, it doesn't matter if you think they did something, you still need proof. He can't believe he has to have this talk again.

It's going to be a long day.

[garden-of-succulents]

I was trying to put some of Bitty’s tweets in order for a small screencap but then it just turned out to be easier??? to format the entire month of March 2016??? IDEK a little bit of computer code is a dangerous thing to know

ANYWAY. As available here, except in chronological order, here are Bitty’s most recently-released tweets:

1  @omgcheckplease:  I refuse to talk about politics, but I literally let out a sigh of relief when coach told me who he voted for. <3 THANKS, POP!

2  @omgcheckplease:  Personally? I'd teach the finer workings of Samwell hockey anywhere but on that upholstered cesspool we call a couch, but I trust Lardo.

3  @omgcheckplease:  Lardo: And if someone's late you just write it down. If someone doesn't show let RH know. Ford: RH. RansomHolster. Got it. Lardo: 'swawes.

4  @omgcheckplease:  Ford: Right. I get that it's positive? But why do you guys say 'swawesome? Me: You'll find something weirder to worry about soon enough.

5  @omgcheckplease:  Nursey: Hey, Las Vegas is playing Providence tonight. Dex: Uh oh. Jack versus Parse. Dex: I'm obvs rooting for Jack but that should be good.

6  @omgcheckplease:  I shouldn't be thinking about jam this much, but here I am. Thank my wonderful aunt.

7  @omgcheckplease:  NHL players like pie--but also mason jars filled w/ jam prepared according to an old family & aunt-perfected recipe. (A lil' bird told me.)

8  @omgcheckplease:   But when your friend asks you to make a batch, does he mean enough for his team? Does that include the coaching staff?

9  @omgcheckplease:  Whew! Now I can hit the hay. #PVDFalconers!

10  @omgcheckplease:  What Ransom &I Talk About: - Hockey / The underclassmen - Life plans - Music - Dating and significant others. - Alexei Mashkov's instagram

11  @omgcheckplease:  Tango: I had a date to homecoming my senior year, but before that I was homecoming alone. Nursey: PFFFFFT. Dex: Jesus, Tango. Chowder:...OH

12  @omgcheckplease:  Picked up my phone to capture that poor child Tango's words in tweet form.

13  @omgcheckplease:  The #GoPVDFalconers appreciate their fans; I appreciate the #GoPVDFalconers; I therefore appreciate all Falconers fans!! <3

14  @omgcheckplease:  I'm nervous because I'm always nervous before hockey...but I've never seen Ransom and Holster so jittery.

15  @omgcheckplease:  But for good reason. #ECACHockey QTR Finals, here we come.

16  @omgcheckplease:  I'm excited for my day or three of visiting a special someone (<3), but I need to give this team 100% of my focus. #SamwellMensHockey

17  @omgcheckplease:  #GotYourBack

18  @omgcheckplease:  Tough loss. Thank you to everyone who made it out. #samwellhockey #ECACHockey

19  @omgcheckplease:  It's good to have someone who understands and can talk you through a loss, get you grounded for the next game. <3

20  @omgcheckplease:  Getting pump up texts from former teammates is one thing; getting texts from pros with no Samwell affiliation is another! #GoPVDFalconers

21  @omgcheckplease:  Y'all've seen Tater's instagram--I'm still not sure what all those parenthesis are supposed to mean???

22  @omgcheckplease:  Hey, y'all. Thanks so much to everyone who supported us this season! All the love in the stands and around campus means everything. <3

23  @omgcheckplease:  I'm so thankful for our seniors--our captains & our team manager--for giving us 110% of themselves. They exemplify the team motto. <3

24  @omgcheckplease:  Lots of love for Samwell hockey these last few days. Going to spend the break focusing on this team and our seniors especially.

25  @omgcheckplease:  Oh, my heart "hi b! hearing news..........(((" "thank u for jam! so good)))"

26  @omgcheckplease:  Doing some spring cleaning before I go and watch some games hosted by the national professional ice hockey league.

27  @omgcheckplease:  That Lardo and Ransom are finally organizing themselves for their birthdays their *senior* year is somehow appropriate. It's gonna be big.

28  @omgcheckplease:  I'm not even going to pretend that I retained MAX 5% of the French I learned. Y'all everyone has their talents; language is not mine.

29  @omgcheckplease:  Like, I remember some phrases & can read and understand more than I can speak? But If I had to call an ambulance in Marseille, I'd perish.

30  @omgcheckplease:  A beautiful language! I wish I were better! Oh and the pronunciation I learned is all jumbled up with Quebecois in my fool mind.

31  @omgcheckplease:  Why is it that I'm not at the Haus when the legendary Shitty Knight is back in town wreaking havoc in Samwell, MA?

32  @omgcheckplease:  oh smh group text is

33  @omgcheckplease:  Shitty: everyone knock on all the wood around you but can we give it up for JLZ & the Falcs Shitty: summer vacay we're smashed in Welltown

34  @omgcheckplease:  Lardo: I need to beat Alexei Mashkov at beer pong.

35  @omgcheckplease:  Jack: haha he's serious about that. Lardo: then why has it taken so long Lardo: time and place Shitty: yessss that's my girl

36  @omgcheckplease:  Tater is literally twice the mass of Larissa Duan.

37  @omgcheckplease:  Anyway! Back to (#) (◡‿◡) (!)

38  @omgcheckplease:  Ransom has his computer and Lardo is writing lists. They're up to something.

39  @omgcheckplease:  Nursey just texted me that he really needs "baked goods" this afternoon. I wonder why he's having a bad day?

40  @omgcheckplease:  Well! I'll be cooking for most of the day anyway! Because y'all? Jam is in **demand**

41  @omgcheckplease:  WHEW. There's something comforting about a warm kitchen full of mason jars.

42  @omgcheckplease:  The situation: A friend of a friend got hold of my aunt's jam, & now a good portion of a pro. hockey team is on a jam (or pie) waitlist.

43  @omgcheckplease:  He's got more important things to focus on at the moment, but a member of that team should be by this week to pick up the goods!

44  @omgcheckplease:  I'm being *so* vague. Y'all'll *never* guess which former Samwell hockey captain and #GoPVDFalconers star will be dropping by for jam.

45  @omgcheckplease:   And I really don't mind! I should be doing my reading for Alice, but she's getting jars too. Y'all, what's spring break FOR?

46  @omgcheckplease:  Dex just showed up, saw the chaos, and dropped his backpack in the corner. Dex: Need help? Me: Bless your heart.

47  @omgcheckplease:  Only on very rare occasions do I use that phrase with good will and a positive intent. <3 These frogs.

48  @omgcheckplease:  Nursey: He only wants your dibs. Dex: (1) Bitty's not graduating. (2) You know that people are capable of doing things for others, right?

49  @omgcheckplease:   Nursey: He only wants your jam. Dex: Dex: Bitty I wasn't going to say anything but it's my mom's birthday next week and

50  @omgcheckplease:  She's up to something.

51  @omgcheckplease:  This t-shirt might smell like cherries for the rest of its existence.

52  @omgcheckplease:  All these girls out here with majors like "engineering", "art", "cs", & "poli sci". I'm literally trying to graduate by writing a pie essay.

53  @omgcheckplease:   *A very lengthy pie essay. Unfurling the shifting roles of baked goods in specific historic eras is copious research.

54  @omgcheckplease:  Coach: How's school? Me: My GPA's at [OMITTED], meeting w/ my American Studies adviser on my thesis Coach: History? Me: Me: Pie history.

55  @omgcheckplease:  Holster: what ever happened to the better bitty's butt thing or whatever? Ransom: oh the bureau? i'm not saying we achieved goals but.

56  @omgcheckplease:  *Ahem* Though not much has changed I feel more confident in my assets. It was about bettering the bitty and not the booty all along.

57  @omgcheckplease:  Aw, well Ford sent out a lovely email to the boys. She's getting good practice in.

58  @omgcheckplease:   By lovely I mean a detailed schedule of dates for spring semester conditioning, but you get me.

59  @omgcheckplease:  I've been so focused on the making of pies & jam that I haven't noticed the STORM on the horizon. Hurricane Lardo&Rans are up to something.

60  @omgcheckplease:  They're not trying to hide anything from me, but this might have to do with the kegster they're planning. Or Lardo's birthday?

61  @omgcheckplease:  Or Rans'--their bdays are so close together. I gotta tie ribbons on a few dozen mason jars, I'll report when Holster spills the beans.

62  @omgcheckplease:  I ALMOST JUST DROPPED A JAR OF JAM.

63  @omgcheckplease:  Y'all the #EasterKegHunt, the Sunday kegster, and the birthdays are *all ONE THING*

64  @omgcheckplease:  =Group Text= Me: When were y'all going to tell me about this GIANT KEGSTER? Rans: I think we did. Lardo: p sure we did Dex: yuuuup

65  @omgcheckplease:  Chowder: u guys order the kegs in the kitchen! Holster: Bitty, kinda late, but you've been in a weird jam headspace for the last few days.

66  @omgcheckplease:  Okay, Nursey and Dex are downstairs and are going to help me out. I'm so confused.

67  @omgcheckplease:  I guess...I did make a lot of jam. It all happened so fast. These can all fit in Jack's car, right? He'd make two trips.

68  @omgcheckplease:  I'm going to bake a pie to recalibrate.

69  @omgcheckplease:  Jack: How much is there? Me: A few jars! Holster: Jack, we have the highest jam per capita in the state of Massachusetts.

70  @omgcheckplease:  Jack: It can't fit in one car? Please send a picture. Lardo: lol bring a friend Lardo:....bring tater

71  @omgcheckplease:  I've stepped out the Haus and can see the volume of jam I produced. I should have stuck to the rivers and lakes that I was used to.

72  @omgcheckplease:  New Falconers faceoffs for your AM viewing.

73  @omgcheckplease:  =On Shorts= Whiskey: Yeah. They don't look good on the average man. Tango: My legs get so hot. Whiskey: Well. Golf & basketball shorts.

74  @omgcheckplease:  Whiskey: swim trunks. I guess athletics shorts are fine. Tango: Mosquito bites when you're wearing jeans. Can never really get 'em.

75  @omgcheckplease:  Tango: when it comes to clothes, I just wear whatever and go. Whiskey: I'm taking the last pie slice.

76  @omgcheckplease:  I have no idea why I love these tadpoles so much, but I do.

77  @omgcheckplease:  Waking up to the sound of wheelbarrows and dollies thumping around downstairs. It's #KeagsterSunday.

78  @omgcheckplease:  Ah! Guess who's here and brought a friend!

79  @omgcheckplease:  Jack just sighed and looked at me. "Hey, Happy Easter. What's the jam situation?" Good morning to you too.

80  @omgcheckplease:  He actually said hi though. I'm paraphrasing. He's absolutely not ready though.

81  @omgcheckplease:  Tater: Hey, Zimmboni this not bad for uni party hauses, you know? Clean floor... Tater: [points] Wow curtain!

82  @omgcheckplease:  The Swallow moves fast, but these hockey players and these mason jars should be out of here soon.

83  @omgcheckplease:  But of course Alexei Mashkov wants a TOUR. "College! Yeah, show me everything!"

84  @omgcheckplease:  Whiskey and Tango looking very nice in suits. Jack: Hey [picks up box of jam] Whiskey: do you need help with that we can if you do but yeah

85  @omgcheckplease:  Tango:...Is Jack Zimmermann stealing Bitty's jam?

86  @omgcheckplease:  = Group Text = Nursey: whens the easter keg hunt Lardo: later Jack: hey y'all! You should drop by before Jack and Tater head out!

87  @omgcheckplease:  = Group Text = Jack: i'm on Jack's phone. Dex: The y'all sorta tipped it off.

88  @omgcheckplease:  Me: So that was *my* room, and this used to be Jack's, and down the hall are the stairs to the attic. Me: Oh hi Rans. Rans: .............T-

89  @omgcheckplease:   I think he just woke up.

90  @omgcheckplease:  Okay, we're all done here! I was about to put on a brunch for our lovely guests but *somebody* said quote: "Bits, you really don't have to."

91  @omgcheckplease:  Well, I was just *trying* to say goodbye to these young men when the door to the backyard opened. It was Lardo.

92  @omgcheckplease:  Lardo: Alexei Mashkov. Tater: [turns around slowly] Tater: ... Tater: Lardo.

93  @omgcheckplease:  Well, I'm starting brunch while Tater and Lardo sort all this out. Please don't get beer all over my clean floors.

94  @omgcheckplease:   *lunch with brunch food. Drat, it's too late for a ham. Well, we can only do our best, can't we?

95  @omgcheckplease:  Jack: where's Rans? Holster: Hiding. Holster: Didn't you guys say you were heading out like two hours ago? Jack: Yes.

96  @omgcheckplease:  I have no idea how many rounds they've played but Tater is shouting "best 7! best 7!" This food is gonna get cold.

97  @omgcheckplease:  Jack keeps asking Lardo and Tater if they want food. Instead, a shout--"Tango, bring me a plate. With food ON IT."

98  @omgcheckplease:  From the hallway. "WHAT! NO! No no no! No way!!! Best NINE!!!!!!"

99  @omgcheckplease:  Rans & Lardo made an event for a #KeagsterSunday Pre-game Kegster Hunt and and wellies are...beginning to show up. Um?

100  @omgcheckplease:  For the record, Tater's playing with water. Lardo's playing with who knows what.

101  @omgcheckplease:  Jack: Ok. Let's head out. Tater: Hey, it's fine! I mean, i'm doing better with crowd.

102  @omgcheckplease:  All right, Jack's cutting things short. ("COME ON, ZIMMERMANN!" "ZIMMBONI IT'S TIE!!!!" "No. You guys can have a rematch later.")

103  @omgcheckplease:   He's serious...

104  @omgcheckplease:  Jack went up to the attic to wish his our captain a happy birthday...And they're off. Lardo and Tater are...friends? Colleagues?

105  @omgcheckplease:  Oh my goodness. Whenever we decide to name a kegster, something strange is bound to happen. #KeagsterSunday

106  @omgcheckplease:  You're not doing college right if you're not finding easter eggs filled with miniature liquor in your backyard.

107  @omgcheckplease:  And yes, they do make mini kegs. The frolicking!

108  @omgcheckplease:  Ransom: Do you think Tater and Jack will come back? Holster: Um. Holster: Sure, bud.

109  @omgcheckplease:  The Group Text Shitty: what the fucking heck is going on in Samwell, Massachusetts.

110  @omgcheckplease:   Lardo: i was so close shits

111  @omgcheckplease:  Whiskey: It's cool how Jack just drops by whenever. That's alumni relations! Tango: ....Huh...Isn't it because he's--OW.

112  @omgcheckplease:  Dex just smacked Tango in the back of the head. It could have been a dance move. It's a kegster, who knows.

113  @omgcheckplease:  Tango: ow.........OHh! He wasn't stealing the jam! Haha, wow, I'm glad.

114  @omgcheckplease:   Ohhh, *his friend and our captain!

115  @omgcheckplease:  New conditioning sched: afternoon practice and afternoon classes mean late night baking and bad habits.

116  @omgcheckplease:  There are times when I thrive rising early? (Esp. when it means trying out new things for breakfast.) But other times...well!

117  @omgcheckplease:  Despite my team being creatures of habit, we're also college students / love sleeping in. Not natural early birds (well, most of us)!

118  @omgcheckplease:  Not sure if y'all remember, but I used to Tweet about Shitty busting in on Jack quite a bit. Those were mornings! Classic #SamwellMensHockey

119  @omgcheckplease:  Big game for the Falconers tonight...#GoPVDFalconers!

120  @omgcheckplease:  Nervous for hockey. The Falc have been looking so strong this season. Let's go, boys! #GoPVDFalconers

121  @omgcheckplease:  Chowder: !!! Is that Shitty and Lardo on the jumbotron??? Chowder: Oh, it's not. Well, I still like those people!

122  @omgcheckplease:  Pie's in the kitchen, we're in the den, laptops and textbooks and pies and hockey. Good vibes from here to Providence. #SamwellMensHockey

123  @omgcheckplease:  (I have a reading response due in two hours that I should have done over spring break, but c'est la vie. (I remember French!))

124  @omgcheckplease:  During commercial breaks, I'm wondering how this TV has managed to survive so many kegsters, even if it's been carefully stowed away.

125  @omgcheckplease:   If you remember, Shitty had his door kicked in one year--nothing's safe. But THE GAME.

126  @omgcheckplease:  Ugh.

127  @omgcheckplease:  They had a good screen on Snowy; he didn't even see the puck.

128  @omgcheckplease:  By the way, watching anything with Holster means you're watching something with Holster. "These announcers are Schooner announcers, geez."

129  @omgcheckplease:  "I'm telling you, the do more close-ups on Jack than anyone else."

130  @omgcheckplease:  "Hey, Rans, it's Tater, the love of your life. For the record, I think Alexei Mashkov thinks my name is Randy and Ransom's name is Adam."

131  @omgcheckplease:  "Their power play is killer. OH, Shitty just texted everyone that they're DEFINITELY doing more close ups on Jack. How's that not creepy?!"

132  @omgcheckplease:  1-1 !!!!!!!!!

133  @omgcheckplease:  Me: POOTS!!!!! Dex: They don't actually call him that, right? Dex: At least Jack wouldn't-- Dex: I called a guy Shitty for an entire year.

134  @omgcheckplease:  Nursey: Kent Parson's been in like 3 commercials since we turned this on.

135  @omgcheckplease:   We're all confused by this. Uncanny on a number of levels.

136  @omgcheckplease:  Down. Come on, y'all.

137  @omgcheckplease:  When it comes to my peach pies, Ransom in part

138  @omgcheckplease:  YES

139  @omgcheckplease:  Never check on a pie during play because you'll miss your FRIEND SCORING!!!!!!!

140  @omgcheckplease:  I need to see that replay 20 more times, so someone better post that online in the next 60 seconds, thanks. #GoPVDFalconers

141  @omgcheckplease:  Half of Samwell men's hockey is in the den about to watch this last period of the #GoPVDFalconers game.

142  @omgcheckplease:  No shade to Seattle, but they HAVE to lose. (Even though I think #16 for the Schooners is getting a jar of vanilla bean plum from me?)

143  @omgcheckplease:  (I have no idea. A Falc owed one gentleman who was roommates w/ another player--I just gave it all to Jack and try not to think about it)

144  @omgcheckplease:  Schooners power play. Lord.

145  @omgcheckplease:  Come on. I swear this team does better when their backs are to the wall.

146  @omgcheckplease:  PLEASE

147  @omgcheckplease:  Lardo' s stress snapchats are calming in a time like this.

148  @omgcheckplease:  Lord. Another penalty to kill. #GoPVDFalconers

149  @omgcheckplease:  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YES!!!

150  @omgcheckplease:  TATER SHORT-HANDED AAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

151  @omgcheckplease:  Oh my god, I'm crying. They could make it. Oh Lord.

152  @omgcheckplease:  Watching is one hundred times more stressful than being on the ice.

153  @omgcheckplease:  Lord! It's easier to tweet and listen to these boys reactions, haha!

154  @omgcheckplease:  mY HEART.

155  @omgcheckplease:  Half a dozen teams are already guaranteed a spot in the NHL playoffs. The Falconers just joined them #GoPVDFalconers #PVDFalconers #GoFalcs!

156  @omgcheckplease:  = SMH Group Text = Rans: YEAAAAAAAAAAAH Chowder: Jack!!! Dex: CONGRATS, man! Holster: JACK!!! Shitty: WE'RE GETTING DRUNK IN PROVIDENCE

157  @omgcheckplease:  = SMH Group Text = Lardo: you did it you did it you did it you did it you did it you did it you did it you did it you did it you did it you

158  @omgcheckplease:  He'll smile when he can finally check his phone. :)

159  @omgcheckplease:  The little blurb in The Daily on the Falcs!

160  @omgcheckplease:  Dear S.O., Wow! It seems as though one of my favorite vocalists/performers has released a clothing line--and my birthday is upcoming!

[pan0ramy]

100 questions NO ONE ever asks!

thank you for @no-changes-are-permanent for tagging me in this! (even though i’m sleepy and missed the fact that you did, haha)

1. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed? oh god, they HAVE to be closed. my childhood fear of monsters hasn’t really left. D:

2. Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotels? it depends - if i’m in a hotel in ireland, i won’t normally bother. if it’s somewhere like disneyland, then fuck yeah! little souvenir i guess. :D it’s not stealing, shut up and leave me alone

3. Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out? they have to be in. otherwise, since i wear a lot of pyjama shorts, i wake up with bare legs and then i’m cold. D:

4. Have you stolen a street sign before? don’t think i’ve ever had the chance! (probably still wouldn’t if i did, though)

5. Do you like to use post-it notes? my school stuff is COVERED in them :D

6. Do you cut out coupons but then never use them? i don’t really use many coupons, but my mom definitely does this, haha

7. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of bees? probably the bear. the buzzing would scare me more than the actually bees attacking me. plus you’d die a faster death...

8. Do you have freckles? no. i’m not THAT irish. XD

9. Do you always smile for pictures? i try, even though i think it’s hard to genuinely smile for a photo if you’re not already laughing/happy with the situation you’re in - which for someone with anxiety, getting a picture taken is usually never a happy situation.

10. What is your biggest pet peeve? i’ll say it before and i’ll say it again - if you crack your knuckles around me, you will die a slow and painful death. that is all.

11. Do you ever count your steps when you walk? if i’m really bored, then yeah! but normally i’m listening to music when i’m walking somewhere - i meant it before when i said you’d never see me without a pair of headphones!

12. Have you peed in the woods? not as far as i can remember, actually...

13. Have you ever pooped in the woods? well if i’d never peed in the woods, i’d never have pooped there either would i? XD

14. Do you ever dance even if there’s no music playing? i am basically dancing 24/7 365, even if there’s no music, haha

15. Do you chew your pens and pencils? normally i’d do it if i’m in the middle of a test and i’m either really bored, thinking or trying to calm myself down from stress/nerves. other than that, it’s a rare thing for me.

16. How many people have you slept with this week? does my septiceye sam plushie count? ^^

17. What size is your bed? i think it's just a regular ol double bed. comfy as fuck though.

18. What is your song of the week? right now i'm listening to a lot of different stuff, but if i had to pick one song, i'd pick miracles by kris leone - there's an english version AND a korean version. seriously this song and this girl need more aTTENTION BECAUSE SHE'S SO GOOD AND HER VOICE IS SO BEAUTIFUL

19. Is it okay for guys to wear pink? of course! to me, there's no such thing as masculine or feminine colours. i think everyone's free to wear whatever they want so long as they're comfortable with it and it makes them feel confident and happy. :D

20. Do you still watch cartoons? well what do you think rick and morty is huh

21. What is your least favourite movie? if i had to pick one, it'd be the live action attack on titan. please. if you like attack on titan, and you've never seen this film - STAY AWAY. STAY THE FUCK AWAY.

22. Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some? i have a little cubbyhole in my room that's a mess, so no-one else checks it other than me. so i know it's not technically digging it, but i'd put it there. :D

23. What do you drink with dinner? if it's spicy, then milk. otherwise, just juice or water. ^^

24. What do you dip a chicken nugget in? well i would say szechuan if mCDONALDS STILL DID THAT SHIT

25. What is your favourite food? i'm a sucker for indian food in general

26. What movies could you watch over and over again and still love? i will never, EVER get sick of tangled. i'm not a big movie buff, but that movie has my eternal love. <3

27. Last person you kissed/kissed you? ........guess who hasn't had their first kiss yet >_<

28. Were you ever a boy/girl scout? for like two years when i was 6, yeah! we made marshmallow smores outside our building. it was awesome. plus we had amazing halloween parties! (although one year we were playing a game with ginger - i can't remember what it was, so don't ask - and one kid ended up having a really bad allergic reaction D:)

29. Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine? if it was for charity/a cause i believe in, then yeah, why not? otherwise, probably not.

30.  When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper? .....umm i honestly can't remember... does writing a message as part of a birthday card count? if so, then i did that about a month ago ^^

31. Can you change the oil on a car? with google and youtube tutorials, i'd be just fine. XD

32. Ever ran out of gas? i'm too scared of that happening in my parents' cars to let that happen, haha

33. Ever gotten a speeding ticket? i'm not driving yet, so no!

34. What's your favourite kind of sandwich? good ol ham and cheese. i'm boring. :D

35. Best thing to eat for breakfast? pancakes *_*

36. What is your usual bedtime? during school, no later than 11:30. during summer... i don't really have a bedtime. i just go to bed when i feel tired. ^^

37. Are you lazy? i'm trying not to be as of late, but with summer vacation starting it's kinda hard not to be a little bit lazy, haha

38. When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween? i normally dressed up pretty generically, but in my first year of high school i dressed up as effie trinket and won my school's costume competition. i was happy. :D

39. What is your Chinese astrological sign? alright, i had to google this, but i'm a dragon! :D

40. How many languages can you speak? english, irish, spanish and i'm learning korean! and then i know small little phrases in other languages (like german and french). i love languages. :D

41. Do you have any magazine subscriptions? nah. magazines are boring.

42. Which are better: Legos or Lincoln Logs? what the fuck are lincoln logs

43. Are you stubborn? i've had a few people tell me i'm quite patient, so i guess that's the opposite? ^^ (i probably get it from my mom, haha)

44. Who is better: Leno or Letterman? from what i've seen of their shows, i like letterman more. too bad he's not doing his show anymore :(

45. Ever watch soap operas? what, like home and away? fuck no.

46.  Are you afraid of heights? if i'm super, SUPER high up then maybe a little, but i'm not normally that bad :) (can’t say the same for poor jackaboi though...)

47. Do you sing in the car? depends on who i'm with! i don't listen to a lot of music on the radio, though, so i'm normally pretty quiet anyways.

48. Do you sing in the shower? ...you're not human if you don't sing in the shower

49. Do you dance in the car? nah, i wouldn't really dance in the car as much as i do sing

50. Ever used a gun? no, but i'm thinking about going to the local airsoft for my birthday next year. why not? ;D

51. Last time you got your portrait taken by a photographer? my actual portrait or just a picture in general? if it's a portrait, then probably like 2009. if it's just a picture taken by a photographer, then that happened last thursday XD

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy? BITCH YOU'RE TALKING TO A MUSICAL THEATRE NERD

53. Is Christmas stressful? only if you let it be. ;)

54. Ever eat a pierogi? nooo but i've heard of them and really want to try one D: (gdit mae what have you done to me)

55. Favourite type of fruit pie? it's not as common as the other ones, but it'd probably be apricot pie. i like the taste of apricots, okay?

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? i probably wanted to be a singer at one point, then i wanted to be a vet, then a video game designer, and now i've just settled on computing/programming :)

57. Do you believe in ghosts? yeah, sometimes. not always, though. it depends in the situation. (i know that sounds vague, but trust me. if you search through youtube for this kinda stuff you'll learn what i mean pretty quickly.)

58. Ever have a deja-vu feeling? definitely! does anyone else get that thing where you dream about something and then it comes true a period of time later? or am i just psychic? ;D

59. Do you take a vitamin daily? i was about to say no to this, but i actually drink a little probiotic every day, so i'll put that here! it's to stop my immune system from completely failing me, because the medication i'm on is an immunosuppressant. ^^

60. Do you wear slippers? nah. socks all the way. :D

61. Do you wear a bath robe? i don't really have time for fancy shit like that tbh. if there's someone around i'll just cover up with a towel. serves the same function.

62. What do you wear to bed? ummmm.... pyjamas? ^^"

63. What was your first concert? my first proper concert was an imagine dragons concert two years ago. but my mom did drag me to a lot of her favourite bands' concerts when i was younger...

64. Walmart, Target or KMart? we don't have any of those. fuck it. dealz! which is basically where you buy everything (well, most things) for €1.50. or any stationery/art/video game shop in existence. :D

65. Nike or Adidas? eh. if i had to choose, then nike.

66. Cheetos or Fritos? cheetos. NOT the puffy kind though. we have wotsits to cover that and they taste way better. :D

67. Peanuts or sunflower seeds? i love sunflower seeds, but i'd probably pick peanuts.

68. Ever hear of the group Tres Bien? nope, i haven't!

69. Ever take dance lessons? yes, for about two years or so! then i gave up because of school. >_<

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? nah, i'm not really worried about that! so long as they're a nice person, looks and profession are just a bonus.

71. Can you curl your tongue? no. because i'm an inferior human being. :(

72. Ever won a spelling bee? i've never been in one, WHICH SUCKS BECAUSE I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE. i don't mean to brag, but i'd be pretty confident going into a spelling bee tbh ^^

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? oh, definitely. it's not a common occurence, but the last time i cried happy tears was when xenoblade chronicles 2 and fire emblem warriors got announced back in january. that was basically my dream come true. :D

74. Own any record albums? no, since i wouldn't have anything to play them on! they're a very cool idea though. :)

75. Own a record player? welp i guess i just answered that one

76. Do you regularly burn incense? my mom does occasionally, but i don't.

77. Ever been in love? nope. not yet. unless we're talking about fictional characters or people that don't know i exist. then i'd be here all day. XD

78. Who would you like to see in concert? IF BRENDON URIE COULD EVER COME TO IRELAND THAT'D BE FUCKING GREAT KTHXBYE

79.  What was the last concert you saw? imagine dragons :D

80. Hot tea or cold tea? hmmmmm i'd have to say both! i love hot tea but lemon iced tea is THE shit.

81. Tea or coffee? coffee is too bitter for me no matter how much sugar i add to it. :/

82. Sugar cookies or snickerdoodles? i've never tried snickerdoodles (and didn't even know sugar cookies were a thing) but when are cookies ever a bad choice in life? ;D

83. Can you swim well? yeah, i can! i need googles and a noseplug, though, since i'm a weeb. 

84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? ...yes? i thought this was normal is there something special about this i'm missing

85. Are you patient? i try to be. if you test my patience, though, god can't help you in hell. :)

86. DJ or a band at a wedding? ehh all the wedding djs i've seen were pretty cringey, so as long as the band is good, then i'd pick the band!

87. Ever won a contest? yeah! i remember winning an art competition in second year that i didn't even try that hard for, haha

88. Have you ever had plastic surgery? does having teeth removed count? then yeah.

89. Which are better: black or green olives? neither. olives are the spawn of satan.

90. Can you knit or crochet? i used to be able to knit when i was 10 (we did it in school for a while), but i've completely forgotten how. :/

91. Best room for a fireplace? probably the sitting/living room tbh

92. Do you want to get married? i honestly don't know. i guess i'll just see where life takes me!

93. If you're married, how long have you been married? i've been married to video games since i was five years old. XD

94. Who was your high school crush? eh. don't really have one. :)

95. Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way? no. it's a very bad idea to be childish about a situation you're not happy with. it normallly doesn't get you very far.

96. Do you have kids? my plushies? yes. i also have my beautiful fire emblem daughter if she counts (#soleilsquad2k17)

97. Do you want kids? again, haven't really decided yet. ^^

98. What is your favourite colour? red! :D

99. Do you miss anyone right now? @itisasign :( (you need to come over to my house i swear tf)

100. Who are you going to tag to do this next? imma tag @tbex2468 and @yourestillnotmytype-58! haven't tagged you guys in anything in a while (i think...?) ;D

[topscammers-blog]

Dean Graziosi – The Real Estate Con Man

Scams aren’t a new thing. But I didn’t think they can seem so real. I used to be one of the firm believers in Dean Graziosi but this guy has lost all my confidence and made me realize that one should always think twice before trusting someone. He is a criminal who is targeting the middle class of America and if possible, other countries through his useless courses and schemes. He promises to make you rich but in reality, he’s only filling his pockets. His courses are nothing but a bunch of lame tips and his seminars, oh don’t get me started. He has a company, sure, but it’s full of rascals who have no idea on how to treat their customers or handle complaints.  

  I’ve fallen prey to Dean’s schemes already and I wanted to spread awareness about him. He has successfully created a fake persona and with its help, he is getting thousands of people to buy his low-quality courses. If you remember the old scams of ‘get rich schemes’ and ‘Nigerian princes’, think of Dean Graziosi as an advanced form of the same. I hope you’ll heed my advice and stay away from this sleaze. If anything, he’s a high-level criminal who has the money and the resources to run such a huge scam. He is fooling everyone. That’s why you should read this article further; it will open your eyes and reveal some of his darkest secrets.

Who is Dean Graziosi?

Before I start telling about Dean’s company and his schemes, let’s first discuss his life story. His bio, which is present on his website, says that he was born and raised in Marlboro, New York. He has an older sister and was raised mostly by his grandmother and mother. Now, to seem like a good guy and a hero of some sort, his bio adds, ‘his growing was no easy’ and ‘his family faced many financial problems’. Who are you trying to fool this way, Dean? Are we supposed to believe you came from rags to riches just like that, with a click? His story doesn’t end here, it states he had already moved 20 times before reaching the age of 19 and he never went to college. He’s trying to imply that going to college isn’t worth it. When everyone is scared of getting laid off and planning on upgrading one’s skills, this guy is implying that education isn’t necessary. But that’s not the red flag. The red flag is his entrepreneurial story, according to which, he bought his first real estate property before the age of 20. He got the deal through his clever mind and not with money. Yes, he says that he made the deal with no money down. That’s his personal story. His professional story is more attractive. Professionally, he has written multiple best-sellers including ‘Totally Fulfilled’ and ‘Be a Real Estate Millionaire: Secret Strategies for Lifetime Wealth Today.” This fact was the main reason why I got fooled. If your pockets are full of stolen money, you will not find it hard to sell many books. It’s all about marketing and Dean knows that. He is a shrewd criminal and that’s why he doesn’t get caught so easily. He claims that he is a real estate mogul but he doesn’t share much information about his real estate holdings company in his bio. However, he discusses his content production company in much detail. Why is that? Because that’s what gets him the money. There’s no proof of how many real estate deals he does in a year. Anyone can claim to do a lot of deals but if you can’t share any numbers or details, it raises some red flags. He simply mentions the name of his real estate management company, JBB Enterprises LLC. He doesn’t hesitate to flaunt his charity work. What I’m trying to say is, Dean Graziosi’s story has a lot of plot holes. He has created a fabricated story to lure people and trick them into believing that Dean is a genius. If you remove all the pomp and show, there’s no logical reason to trust Dean. The guy doesn’t have an education, there’s no proof of his professional experience and his sources of income (apart from his courses) are quite shady. I wish I had thought of these earlier but like any problem-ridden person, I was too distracted by his pomp and show.  

Dean Graziosi stole my $2000!!!

Dean conducts seminars and events for real estate enthusiasts. His most popular even is the 3-day workshop or the Real Estate Investment Class. He charges $1997 for attending this event. Unfortunately, I fell for this scam. This erratic piece of crap is nothing but a bunch of useless advice and promos of his other courses and materials. This is how he’s earning all these big bucks. How do you think he’s able to run all these TV commercials and host these events? He’s stealing the money from normal people like you and me. The only difference between Dean and a low-level thug is the former is doing the crimes in a more sophisticated way and at a large scale. Initially, I didn’t consider going to his 3-day workshop. It happened when I thought of getting one of his courses. He has many attractive Real Estate courses up for sale and some books available for free. To get those courses, you first have to enter your credit card information. That alone was a big red flag but I didn’t think much of the same. After all, I was supposed to develop the habits of millionaires. Why would I care about such a little detail? This is where I went wrong. I got the FREE book from them. I read it, and it gave some general advice like work hard and stay motivated, just generic material. In the end, it was recommended to go to one of the seminars for a better learning experience. I thought the book was offered free so there must have not been much available. I chose to get a ticket for the 3-day workshop of Dean. When I went to the event I realized how pathetic it was. It cost me $2000 and what I got in return was promotions of more of his products. He gave some advice on real estate, I won’t lie but it’s all present on the internet. Go to a website or start reading a blog, and you will get more information spending your $2000 and 3 days for some useless lecture. Most of the time, the event was about all the other products you can purchase from this thief and get some more knowledge. I think for Dean, knowledge is knowing about his products. Buy this course, buy that book, that’s all you will get to hear in one of his events. I lost my $2000 and 3 days but I learned a valuable lesson: Never get anything without cross-checking.

Trashy Customer Support:

My problems did not end with his seminar alone. After a week of going to his seminar, I received a message that $300 were deducted from my account for purchasing the book from Dean. Yes, the free book they gave me cost me $300. I contacted the customer support of Dean’s website and asked for a refund. I hadn’t made any purchase but they still deducted the sum from my account. The customer support started giving me vague answers like ‘We aren’t aware of any purchase’ and ‘We’ll get back to you sir’. Those morons thought I was a fool. I was already frustrated with the $2000 workshop which just games a load of crappy and useless advice. I had to call the customer support multiple times and I can’t recall how many times I was ignored. Whenever I would ask to connect with a superior, they would just put me on hold and make me wait. I rarely got to talk to a senior executive. And when I got the chance, they said they will look into the matter. But I never received my refund. They wrongfully took money from my account and didn’t give me the money back. Dean Graziosi’s whole company is based on scams and lies. I’m not the only customer who has faced this issue. Many others have faced this problem as well. Some wanted to cancel their purchase of the event ticket while some hadn’t even bought anything. But they all had to pay Dean’s website for the fake purchase. I found a complaint where the customer wanted to cancel the ticket for an event right after purchase due to an emergency. Can you guess what they did? They never gave him a refund. Dean’s website is a FRAUD. And he isn’t stopping. In fact, he is continuously working towards building his fake personality and fooling more people into buying his useless crappy tools. Instead of attending any one of his seminars or getting his worthless courses, you should buy a real book from someone who is qualified enough and knows what real estate really is.

Using Social Media to hide his crimes

I have already mentioned that Dean is a shrewd criminal. He knows how to trick people into believing his fake stories and false claims. But to do that, he needs to attract them first and he does so through this social media presence. He has a strong following on social media platforms. He posts rarely on twitter but without any effort, he has over 10,000 followers on this platform. A similar situation is present on most of his social media accounts. That begs the question, “How is it possible?” My guess is, he is using bots and fake accounts for showing a good following. Everyone believes the guy who has over 10,000 followers. He has published many fake reviews for his products and seminars too. There is no clear way to verify the reviews present on his website. But as you drift away from his site and platforms and go to other places, you will begin to multiple other users who are sick of this guy. He has stolen money from rich and poor alike.  People who didn’t even have $50 in their accounts were charged $100 and more only for enrolling on his website. I’m not the only victim of Dean and his vicious schemes. But through his fake persona and social media presence, he is still able to convince other people that he is a reliable expert. Instagram

He has over 350,000 followers on Instagram because he is very active there. Dean doesn’t hesitate in spending some bucks for social media promotion and his Instagram profile is a fine example of the same. He has a link in his Instagram for free training.  That’s his first bait to get people trapped in his scam.  He posts content on Instagram regularly for the sake of his reputation. He knows that if he doesn’t spend enough money for his fake persona, he would get destroyed within a few weeks. Twitter

Have you ever seen how a bot-operated twitter page looks like? If you want to then take a look at Dean Graziosi’s page. His Twitter profile has over 10,000 followers and more than 5000 posted tweets. But none of them provides any value. They all are promotions of his books and courses. That’s it. If you want to fill your Twitter feed with photos of Dean and his books, then be my guest. You will keep seeing the links to his low-quality BS-filled YouTube videos and updates on his latest books and courses. If you think his Twitter page will help you get any real estate advice, you’re wrong. Facebook

  Facebook is notorious for its fake accounts and Dean’s Facebook is a live example of the same. Here, he has over 1.5 million followers. With that many followers, he can be considered a strong social media influencer. The reality is, they all are fake.  This scumbag has been using fake accounts to show that he has millions of followers. What does he get from faking his followers? More money. When you see a guy with over a million followers, you don’t think twice in paying him money for anything. The person seems trustworthy and Dean takes advantage of this fact. Take a look at his Facebook page and it’s full of crap. You will not find anything of value except some shitty nonsense about motivation. YouTube

  YouTube is a little more strict than Facebook in terms of removing bots. So the guy who has over a million followers on Facebook only has 30k subscribers on YouTube. That too, when he has over 500 videos present on his channel. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, Dean puts a lot of effort to seem like a real expert. He doesn’t want anybody to even get a hint that he is a fraud and a cheat. And for this purpose, he is spending money generously because he gets to steal from everyone who gets allured by these fake numbers. Some chumps might think that Dean Graziosi is a trustworthy guy because of these numbers alone. I was one of those chumps and I still regret my decision of buying those useless tickets. His social media presence is his main tool for tricking people into thinking that he is a trustworthy guy. If you will take a minute and check the kind of content he posts first, you will realize that it’s not worth spending your cash on. You will see that he posts spammy, useless and shitty content on all of his social media pages. And even after publishing such low-quality content, he is able to generate these many followers. Some might say being on TV helped him but still, his content quality is so bad that if you ask a social media expert, you will see that Dean is a FRAUD and his followers are false.

 Reviews of his courses, books and seminars:

His website can fool anyone. It fooled me so you can understand how annoying it is for me to know that his website is still up and cheating many other innocent people. You will find the links to all of his social media accounts on his website, which I told you about and how they show that he is a sham. You will also find his courses and books which you can purchase. I had downloaded his Millionaire Success Habits ebook which was available for free from his website. I hate to admit it but I was also cheated by the glitz and glamour of Dean’s website. On the home page, you can clearly see many books available for free but to get them, you will need to provide these thieves with your credit card info. They won’t you charge you immediately for the books, they are smart. They will charge you later and deduct the amount directly from your credit card. This is how they took $300 from me and similar amounts from many other people. I am discussing some complaints from other customers to show you that Dean is running is a scam on a large scale. No Refunds:

  One of his customers had posted a review stating that he never received a refund for a bought course. Dean’s company had promised him the refund but even after waiting for 3 weeks he did not get a penny back. Dean’s company is fast in taking money from your pockets but it returns the same to you. Not only that, they did not respond to any of his queries after the request for a refund. You can see how pathetic these guys are and why you should stay away from them. Automatic Deduction:

  Another customer lost around $40 due to the same reason I lost my $300. She wanted to check the website and get the free book. But for the book, she had to enter her credit card info. They charged her $40 and that caused her an NSF fee. She did not receive a refund from Dean’s company as well. Lying:

      Another customer had posted that he attended the ‘Millionaire Success Habits Seminar’ in 2018 to listen to Dean. But Dean was absent. He did not speak at the seminar. Instead, there was someone else. He was promised on the site that Dean will be speaking in the event. They had charged him $997 for the event and they did not give him any refunds. One customer was disappointed with the quality of content he received in the courses. The material wasn’t updated and most it was just a compilation of his old YouTube videos. You can see that Dean’s scam has affected many people. This is the situation when he keeps posting fake positive reviews for his products and service. It’s clear now how low Dean can go. Because he steals money in terms of $40 or $300 so no one suspects him. His credit card fraud must be put to a stop because if he isn’t stopped now, I don’t know how many lives he will ruin the future.  

Conclusion:

Dean Graziosi is a criminal who is doing scams on a large scale. He is lying to thousands of people internationally and tricking them into buying his useless courses. All of his seminars give the same old rubbish advice and provide no value to the visitors. His fake positive persona and social media presence help him in luring people and cheating them. I have already lost over $2000 to Dean’s company. His customer support is pathetic and doesn’t process any refunds. Numerous people have voiced their concerns over the presence of this criminal and he should be put behind the bars. Dean constantly lies about everything and it won’t be new if he keeps lying in the future. Both he and his company should be banned from operating in our country. He is a vicious criminal and such a step will do a lot of good to society. If that can’t happen, then the least you can do is stay away from this guy and save yourself. Should he be allowed to ruin lives like this? Why isn’t anyone taking action against him? Share your experience here if you have been a victim of Dean’s greed and selfishness. Read the full article

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Dean Graziosi – The Real Estate Con Man

Scams aren’t a new thing. But I didn’t think they can seem so real. I used to be one of the firm believers in Dean Graziosi but this guy has lost all my confidence and made me realize that one should always think twice before trusting someone. He is a criminal who is targeting the middle class of America and if possible, other countries through his useless courses and schemes. He promises to make you rich but in reality, he’s only filling his pockets. His courses are nothing but a bunch of lame tips and his seminars, oh don’t get me started. He has a company, sure, but it’s full of rascals who have no idea on how to treat their customers or handle complaints.  

  I’ve fallen prey to Dean’s schemes already and I wanted to spread awareness about him. He has successfully created a fake persona and with its help, he is getting thousands of people to buy his low-quality courses. If you remember the old scams of ‘get rich schemes’ and ‘Nigerian princes’, think of Dean Graziosi as an advanced form of the same. I hope you’ll heed my advice and stay away from this sleaze. If anything, he’s a high-level criminal who has the money and the resources to run such a huge scam. He is fooling everyone. That’s why you should read this article further; it will open your eyes and reveal some of his darkest secrets.

Who is Dean Graziosi?

Before I start telling about Dean’s company and his schemes, let’s first discuss his life story. His bio, which is present on his website, says that he was born and raised in Marlboro, New York. He has an older sister and was raised mostly by his grandmother and mother. Now, to seem like a good guy and a hero of some sort, his bio adds, ‘his growing was no easy’ and ‘his family faced many financial problems’. Who are you trying to fool this way, Dean? Are we supposed to believe you came from rags to riches just like that, with a click? His story doesn’t end here, it states he had already moved 20 times before reaching the age of 19 and he never went to college. He’s trying to imply that going to college isn’t worth it. When everyone is scared of getting laid off and planning on upgrading one’s skills, this guy is implying that education isn’t necessary. But that’s not the red flag. The red flag is his entrepreneurial story, according to which, he bought his first real estate property before the age of 20. He got the deal through his clever mind and not with money. Yes, he says that he made the deal with no money down. That’s his personal story. His professional story is more attractive. Professionally, he has written multiple best-sellers including ‘Totally Fulfilled’ and ‘Be a Real Estate Millionaire: Secret Strategies for Lifetime Wealth Today.” This fact was the main reason why I got fooled. If your pockets are full of stolen money, you will not find it hard to sell many books. It’s all about marketing and Dean knows that. He is a shrewd criminal and that’s why he doesn’t get caught so easily. He claims that he is a real estate mogul but he doesn’t share much information about his real estate holdings company in his bio. However, he discusses his content production company in much detail. Why is that? Because that’s what gets him the money. There’s no proof of how many real estate deals he does in a year. Anyone can claim to do a lot of deals but if you can’t share any numbers or details, it raises some red flags. He simply mentions the name of his real estate management company, JBB Enterprises LLC. He doesn’t hesitate to flaunt his charity work. What I’m trying to say is, Dean Graziosi’s story has a lot of plot holes. He has created a fabricated story to lure people and trick them into believing that Dean is a genius. If you remove all the pomp and show, there’s no logical reason to trust Dean. The guy doesn’t have an education, there’s no proof of his professional experience and his sources of income (apart from his courses) are quite shady. I wish I had thought of these earlier but like any problem-ridden person, I was too distracted by his pomp and show.  

Dean Graziosi stole my $2000!!!

Dean conducts seminars and events for real estate enthusiasts. His most popular even is the 3-day workshop or the Real Estate Investment Class. He charges $1997 for attending this event. Unfortunately, I fell for this scam. This erratic piece of crap is nothing but a bunch of useless advice and promos of his other courses and materials. This is how he’s earning all these big bucks. How do you think he’s able to run all these TV commercials and host these events? He’s stealing the money from normal people like you and me. The only difference between Dean and a low-level thug is the former is doing the crimes in a more sophisticated way and at a large scale. Initially, I didn’t consider going to his 3-day workshop. It happened when I thought of getting one of his courses. He has many attractive Real Estate courses up for sale and some books available for free. To get those courses, you first have to enter your credit card information. That alone was a big red flag but I didn’t think much of the same. After all, I was supposed to develop the habits of millionaires. Why would I care about such a little detail? This is where I went wrong. I got the FREE book from them. I read it, and it gave some general advice like work hard and stay motivated, just generic material. In the end, it was recommended to go to one of the seminars for a better learning experience. I thought the book was offered free so there must have not been much available. I chose to get a ticket for the 3-day workshop of Dean. When I went to the event I realized how pathetic it was. It cost me $2000 and what I got in return was promotions of more of his products. He gave some advice on real estate, I won’t lie but it’s all present on the internet. Go to a website or start reading a blog, and you will get more information spending your $2000 and 3 days for some useless lecture. Most of the time, the event was about all the other products you can purchase from this thief and get some more knowledge. I think for Dean, knowledge is knowing about his products. Buy this course, buy that book, that’s all you will get to hear in one of his events. I lost my $2000 and 3 days but I learned a valuable lesson: Never get anything without cross-checking.

Trashy Customer Support:

My problems did not end with his seminar alone. After a week of going to his seminar, I received a message that $300 were deducted from my account for purchasing the book from Dean. Yes, the free book they gave me cost me $300. I contacted the customer support of Dean’s website and asked for a refund. I hadn’t made any purchase but they still deducted the sum from my account. The customer support started giving me vague answers like ‘We aren’t aware of any purchase’ and ‘We’ll get back to you sir’. Those morons thought I was a fool. I was already frustrated with the $2000 workshop which just games a load of crappy and useless advice. I had to call the customer support multiple times and I can’t recall how many times I was ignored. Whenever I would ask to connect with a superior, they would just put me on hold and make me wait. I rarely got to talk to a senior executive. And when I got the chance, they said they will look into the matter. But I never received my refund. They wrongfully took money from my account and didn’t give me the money back. Dean Graziosi’s whole company is based on scams and lies. I’m not the only customer who has faced this issue. Many others have faced this problem as well. Some wanted to cancel their purchase of the event ticket while some hadn’t even bought anything. But they all had to pay Dean’s website for the fake purchase. I found a complaint where the customer wanted to cancel the ticket for an event right after purchase due to an emergency. Can you guess what they did? They never gave him a refund. Dean’s website is a FRAUD. And he isn’t stopping. In fact, he is continuously working towards building his fake personality and fooling more people into buying his useless crappy tools. Instead of attending any one of his seminars or getting his worthless courses, you should buy a real book from someone who is qualified enough and knows what real estate really is.

Using Social Media to hide his crimes

I have already mentioned that Dean is a shrewd criminal. He knows how to trick people into believing his fake stories and false claims. But to do that, he needs to attract them first and he does so through this social media presence. He has a strong following on social media platforms. He posts rarely on twitter but without any effort, he has over 10,000 followers on this platform. A similar situation is present on most of his social media accounts. That begs the question, “How is it possible?” My guess is, he is using bots and fake accounts for showing a good following. Everyone believes the guy who has over 10,000 followers. He has published many fake reviews for his products and seminars too. There is no clear way to verify the reviews present on his website. But as you drift away from his site and platforms and go to other places, you will begin to multiple other users who are sick of this guy. He has stolen money from rich and poor alike.  People who didn’t even have $50 in their accounts were charged $100 and more only for enrolling on his website. I’m not the only victim of Dean and his vicious schemes. But through his fake persona and social media presence, he is still able to convince other people that he is a reliable expert. Instagram

He has over 350,000 followers on Instagram because he is very active there. Dean doesn’t hesitate in spending some bucks for social media promotion and his Instagram profile is a fine example of the same. He has a link in his Instagram for free training.  That’s his first bait to get people trapped in his scam.  He posts content on Instagram regularly for the sake of his reputation. He knows that if he doesn’t spend enough money for his fake persona, he would get destroyed within a few weeks. Twitter

Have you ever seen how a bot-operated twitter page looks like? If you want to then take a look at Dean Graziosi’s page. His Twitter profile has over 10,000 followers and more than 5000 posted tweets. But none of them provides any value. They all are promotions of his books and courses. That’s it. If you want to fill your Twitter feed with photos of Dean and his books, then be my guest. You will keep seeing the links to his low-quality BS-filled YouTube videos and updates on his latest books and courses. If you think his Twitter page will help you get any real estate advice, you’re wrong. Facebook

  Facebook is notorious for its fake accounts and Dean’s Facebook is a live example of the same. Here, he has over 1.5 million followers. With that many followers, he can be considered a strong social media influencer. The reality is, they all are fake.  This scumbag has been using fake accounts to show that he has millions of followers. What does he get from faking his followers? More money. When you see a guy with over a million followers, you don’t think twice in paying him money for anything. The person seems trustworthy and Dean takes advantage of this fact. Take a look at his Facebook page and it’s full of crap. You will not find anything of value except some shitty nonsense about motivation. YouTube

  YouTube is a little more strict than Facebook in terms of removing bots. So the guy who has over a million followers on Facebook only has 30k subscribers on YouTube. That too, when he has over 500 videos present on his channel. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, Dean puts a lot of effort to seem like a real expert. He doesn’t want anybody to even get a hint that he is a fraud and a cheat. And for this purpose, he is spending money generously because he gets to steal from everyone who gets allured by these fake numbers. Some chumps might think that Dean Graziosi is a trustworthy guy because of these numbers alone. I was one of those chumps and I still regret my decision of buying those useless tickets. His social media presence is his main tool for tricking people into thinking that he is a trustworthy guy. If you will take a minute and check the kind of content he posts first, you will realize that it’s not worth spending your cash on. You will see that he posts spammy, useless and shitty content on all of his social media pages. And even after publishing such low-quality content, he is able to generate these many followers. Some might say being on TV helped him but still, his content quality is so bad that if you ask a social media expert, you will see that Dean is a FRAUD and his followers are false.

 Reviews of his courses, books and seminars:

His website can fool anyone. It fooled me so you can understand how annoying it is for me to know that his website is still up and cheating many other innocent people. You will find the links to all of his social media accounts on his website, which I told you about and how they show that he is a sham. You will also find his courses and books which you can purchase. I had downloaded his Millionaire Success Habits ebook which was available for free from his website. I hate to admit it but I was also cheated by the glitz and glamour of Dean’s website. On the home page, you can clearly see many books available for free but to get them, you will need to provide these thieves with your credit card info. They won’t you charge you immediately for the books, they are smart. They will charge you later and deduct the amount directly from your credit card. This is how they took $300 from me and similar amounts from many other people. I am discussing some complaints from other customers to show you that Dean is running is a scam on a large scale. No Refunds:

  One of his customers had posted a review stating that he never received a refund for a bought course. Dean’s company had promised him the refund but even after waiting for 3 weeks he did not get a penny back. Dean’s company is fast in taking money from your pockets but it returns the same to you. Not only that, they did not respond to any of his queries after the request for a refund. You can see how pathetic these guys are and why you should stay away from them. Automatic Deduction:

  Another customer lost around $40 due to the same reason I lost my $300. She wanted to check the website and get the free book. But for the book, she had to enter her credit card info. They charged her $40 and that caused her an NSF fee. She did not receive a refund from Dean’s company as well. Lying:

      Another customer had posted that he attended the ‘Millionaire Success Habits Seminar’ in 2018 to listen to Dean. But Dean was absent. He did not speak at the seminar. Instead, there was someone else. He was promised on the site that Dean will be speaking in the event. They had charged him $997 for the event and they did not give him any refunds. One customer was disappointed with the quality of content he received in the courses. The material wasn’t updated and most it was just a compilation of his old YouTube videos. You can see that Dean’s scam has affected many people. This is the situation when he keeps posting fake positive reviews for his products and service. It’s clear now how low Dean can go. Because he steals money in terms of $40 or $300 so no one suspects him. His credit card fraud must be put to a stop because if he isn’t stopped now, I don’t know how many lives he will ruin the future.  

Conclusion:

Dean Graziosi is a criminal who is doing scams on a large scale. He is lying to thousands of people internationally and tricking them into buying his useless courses. All of his seminars give the same old rubbish advice and provide no value to the visitors. His fake positive persona and social media presence help him in luring people and cheating them. I have already lost over $2000 to Dean’s company. His customer support is pathetic and doesn’t process any refunds. Numerous people have voiced their concerns over the presence of this criminal and he should be put behind the bars. Dean constantly lies about everything and it won’t be new if he keeps lying in the future. Both he and his company should be banned from operating in our country. He is a vicious criminal and such a step will do a lot of good to society. If that can’t happen, then the least you can do is stay away from this guy and save yourself. Should he be allowed to ruin lives like this? Why isn’t anyone taking action against him? Share your experience here if you have been a victim of Dean’s greed and selfishness. Read the full article