#this is not a post abt disordered eating.

[minotaurfemme]

i will say, the fact that im twinkifying with no change to really anything i do other than my hrt method, i kinda get the lanky tgirl stereotype now.

[rainsoftenings]

pls give us ur analysis on transfem nonbinary tenma 🤲

hello ken!! of coarse... preemptive disclaimer before anything else that i myself am not transfem nor do i claim to speak for them. i have just simply observed that a lot of the problems tenma seems to face are also rlly common transfem-specific issues. you can make a fairly strong argument for a transfem tenma reading imo. putting this under a cut bc it got kind of Long

ok in order to talk abt this. we have to talk abt eva. i am not naive enough to write off eva as all bad bc she DOES have redeeming qualities and is not to blame for everything that happened to them. but i do think eva was uniquely bad for their already poor self-esteem and that they likely latched onto eva as hard as they did in order to feel Normal. from the information we are given abt their childhood both in the main story and in Another Monster, as well as lunge's observations that they don't even fit in among other japanese people, it's clear tenma has felt marginalized and/or stripped of agency for a very, very long time. their family dynamic (cold mother who openly favored their half-siblings over them, father who pressured them to become a doctor for his own personal gain. their only sibling who still talks to them only does so bc he wants them to take his job) as well as their willingness to bond with people who hurt them (it is specifically mentioned that they made friends with their childhood bullies, who called them a sissy and left them alone in the woods. this only happened bc they were impressed with tenma's bravery in staying out overnight) seems to have led them to minimize their own desires and become extremely meek. arguably them fleeing to germany in order to escape their father's desire to have them work at his hospital was their best attempt at fighting this, but it backfired bc the heinemanns immediately picked up on their vulnerabilities and exploited them.

back to eva. where udo preying on tenma's insecurities and desire for approval was certainly intentional, the worst part abt their relationship with eva is that i dont even think eva was consciously aware of what she was doing to them/their feelings in general. she is very much a person whose life was meticulously laid out for her in advance and when it diverged from this plan she ended up at a complete loss. her insistence that they did "everything she asked" (with the sexual implication being extremely obvious) as well as them acquiescing to doing things they don't like in order to feel worthy of her love (to the point of even letting her pick out their outfits!)... well, it reads a LOT like comptop to me. it seems very similar to the relationship between trianon and oenone from serious weakness at times; though they differ in several key aspects, it's clear that when they got together both tenma and eva were looking at each other more symbolically than holistically. to tenma, eva was the normalcy and love they so desperately craved; to eva, tenma was supposed to not only be subservient to her (bc she cant imagine not being doted on), they were also supposed to be the Husband and rake in lots of money for the hospital, in essence putting them to the same end as their father initially wanted for them without consideration if that's what they actually want. losing eva causes tenma to get a fuller picture of who she rlly is very quickly, but it takes eva So much longer to do the same for them. and the heartbreaking thing abt this is that even though eva backstabs them several times and makes attempts on their life, whenever she's in danger they instantly go to great lengths to save her. it's second nature to them

this damaging selflessness doesnt extend to just eva, either- it's arguably the entire basis of their character. i think it's very interesting (read: sad) that in addition to their kindness simply biting them in the ass multiple times/tenma deliberately disallowing themself anger and smoothing over relations with ppl who have betrayed them in the past bc theyre so desperate for anyone to be their friend or ally, this is nearly always paired with bodily neglect. we literally see tenma struggle to eat consistently over the course of the manga, from smth as simple as a waitress deliberately offering them extra soup when she sees that theyve not eaten anything, to stuff as dramatic as them collapsing in prison from lack of food and sleep and needing hospitalization. im tempted to highlight the contrast between grimmer having a picnic with them out of nowhere and eva deliberately ruining the picnic they tried to have with her too but i feel like that's fairly well trodden ground analytically, but it still deserves a mention here. they are notably more gaunt by the end of the series than they were when they started out, i think it's most obvious when you see they've cut their hair back to its original length and it serves to emphasize that they'll never be the same person again. i think it's also noteworthy (though certainly unintentional) that urasawa uses them growing out their stubble as a marker that their mental health is yet again at its lowest. i am reminded of the time i took a dissociation test and it gave me a result that ppl with eating disorders typically score. i don't think i have one, just dysphoria, but with tenma it seems a lot like both at once.

put all together, and given the themes of the manga? i dont think transition would save tenma. not even close. but they should do it anyway if only because it would be an easy way for them to start being kinder to themself again, a skill they badly need to learn. if they could just take that first step toward giving themself a little mercy i think they would be a lot happier with themself. they already have two kids who love them completely unconditionally, i think having that extra support would be great for them! and also i think they're hot and i'd like to see ppl draw (NORMAL, NON RACIST) art of them in dresses and with sweaty small boobs and so on. Sue me ngl the nonbinary part is simply bc i think theyd feel some distance from womanhood after having been excluded from society in multiple ways for so long, that little extra bit of dehumanization tends to manifest in weird ways wrt ppl's internal perception of gender. and imo theyd be so tired by the end of everything that i highly doubt theyd enjoy being thrust into an entirely new set of gendered pressures and just want to skip the whole business. but i am open to any and all permutations of transfem tenma. i want them to be happy!! in conclusion:

[danothan]

do you guys think speedsters have calluses, despite their accelerated healing? if anything, i feel like they should BECAUSE of it, since calluses form as a way to heal over repetitive pressure/friction. ig they could also heal anew without calluses, but would there even be enough time in between? with all the running speedsters do, that Repetition would build up over time to be more of a Constant

then again, a part of me thinks that as often as speedsters run, it would still not be enough to counteract how rapidly they heal, esp considering that the speedforce is meant to protect the speedster’s body from friction. barry himself says that he doesn’t wear down his socks any faster than usual when wally gifts him socks every year for christmas. i’m also reminded of knight terrors: flash when barry transforms into a callused creature of a thing bc there’s smth interfering with the speedforce, so his body has to compensate for the friction

huh, so i guess the takeaway is that in a general setting, speedster DON’T get calluses! at least not any more than the average person, probably even less so if at all actually. which now seems obvious in retrospect, but it’s fun going thru the process and showing the work for it lol

[thescreamcorner]

probably a take that a LOT of people are going to be angry about but I'm gonna preface with: I'm speaking on a general trend I've seen in online spaces, and my thoughts on it are not a direct callout to anyone nor an inherent indicator of if someone's DID is "real" or "fake."

but like. the way that some people will use public spaces to "chat intra-system" is so wild and even at times uncomfortable as fuck, if nothing else it's pretty wildly unsafe because like you have NO IDEA who's reading what you're writing out. Having a private discord server or a journal or a notes app or something is a much safer way to facilitate that kind of thing.

that and lowkey..... sometimes ppl doing it in public or actively sharing screenshots of it on tumblr like it's some "the group chat going wild tonight" type content just feels. So much like roleplay. It skeeves me out a bit. I know in my heart that generally using a space to try and communicate with other parts of the system is a healthy coping mechanism that a lot of therapists recommend but so many times that I see that posted it feels like that meaning and healing has been lost and in some cases borders on roleplaying or content farming and it makes me so uncomfortable

[specters]

really am convinced some people want those who struggle with eating disorders to remove themselves from public spaces, never to be seen or heard from until they reach some sort of Ultimate Recovery. if you aren't in recovery or Recovered™ then you should be banned from online spaces. it's such a weird fucking dichotomy too because you definitely are congratulated for losing weight, despite said weight loss coming from the most unhealthiest of places (granted those same ppl still make fun of eds because they hate the mentally ill & disabled), but people who "understand eating disorders" and "care about those struggling" also tear you down for being disordered in public. even if you aren't encouraging anything, if you aren't actively in recovery or if you talk about it too much then you are a walking trigger and you should just lock yourself away until you die. you never win!

[ikilledamanforthisurl]

if that elf's ARFID is treated with more grace than the fans certainly treat her then i'll read dunmeshi

[transmasc-wizard]

actually I'm in a pissed off mentally ill person mood so I'm gonna say

if you assume everyone online with an ED (specifically ana or atypical ana, BED, and bullimia) is pro ED/anti recovery, you're part of the problem. you're contributing to the stigma. I'm afraid to talk about my experiences as a person with atypical anorexia who's actively losing weight and who's mental health is worsening . because I'm afraid my blog will be fucking nerfed by people reporting me for "promoting self harm" or some shit when I don't want to DO THAT I want to TALK ABOUT HOW IT FEELS. and I will not ever be able to do that if I'm too busy being scared some asshole who doesn't even have an ED is going to decide my experiences being talked about automatically equals being pro-ED behavior

(obligatory "i know the pro ana community Does exist and they're harmful". I know. believe me, *I know*.)

[lesbianlenas]

just thinking abt how when i was 13 i had internet friends from instagram (book instagram was very popular for the 13 yr old girl population at the time) who were the same age as me & among other things one of them was like oh i can teach you how to have an eating disorder like 😭😭😭 literally those exact words & i was like yes this is normal :) i tried to employ those tips however i already had an eating disorder so it made it impossible for me to give myself a second eating disorder that would contradict the first one i didn’t realize i had. but basically social contagions among teenage girls are crazy 😭😭😭😭

[catboii]

there are things in daves cupboards that have a best before date from last year

but " theyre still good until theyre not "

[autistic-katara]

i’ll be having a normal time just going blorboinsane and then i’ll see a pro-ana account on my dash

[raytoroapologist]

hey does. anyone else ever start typing a tag and then the autocomplete shows some tags you've used and then it immediately starts recommending you eating disorder related tags

[latibvles]

*through gritted teeth and tears, running on one(1) meal* tomorrow will be a better day.

[yourheartinyourmouth]

I tried to reply on a Pinterest thing abt ADHD and how the overlap between ADHD and binge eating disorder is just a circle and Pinterest told me it violated their rules….Apparently if it’s not ✨✨giving positive empowering vibes bestie uwu✨✨ it’s not allowed on Pinterest.

what????? what the fuck is this infantilizing, censor everything that isn’t a whitewashed sanitized pastel marketed vision board, everything has to be positive and uplifting and empowering, bestie!!!💅🏽😌💖 OR ELSE version of life????

[izzy-b-hands]

More complaining below the cut. Just abt random life shit. Using the cut so hopefully it’ll be quick to scroll by tho I tried to keep things short lol

The worst part is, I don’t really know what would make things better for me. I’ve done and am doing the things that are commonly suggested, and they’ve helped to a degree, but everyone acts like my depression should just disappear once these things are done, and that’s never once happened for me. It might lessen from one day to the next, but it’s never Gone, and I don’t fully understand or believe at this point that it is possible for me to be Rid of It Forever.

Like location change has been good and made me feel good! Job change has been...it’s a work in progress but at least I have a part time job rn! I have hobbies I try to do and skills I try to improve (like writing and sewing and working on learning new languages) and they’re all Fine and some of the time I even find myself able to enjoy them but like

None of that erases the thought in the back of my mind that I’m not equipped to live in the world as it is or that my existence has some special value. I’m one of a vast many, and we live, and then someday we die, and that’s fine! That’s how that’s meant to go! Why does my existence need to be held up as this Big Special Thing that should Go On As Long As Possible, if that wouldn’t actually be beneficial to me or anyone in my life?????

In other words when I can eventually afford my doc again for talk therapy i KNOW she’s gonna suggest I get another hobby regardless of my ability to afford it, and I’m gonna have to bite my tongue to ask if getting hobbies actually makes us feel better, or if it just distracts us long enough to keep our brains from delving into misery over things out of our control and what we can’t afford to change (aka I already asked this once and she just went blank and changed the subject and said most ppl don’t like thinking abt it like that. No shit my darling, I know that, but I can’t stop thinking abt it so I feel like we should try and address it??? At least try???? and I’m struggling to handle it myself so I’m asking for help and here I am and all I get are shoulder shrugs and changed subjects.) 

[anachronistic-falsehood]

tristamp vash being hinted at having an ed is something that can be so personal (<-struggled with disordered eating in eight months of college and already related to vash in a lot of ways and this is just the icing on the cake)

[dreamcrash]

thinking abt reese today. how every day she runs into burning buildings and hangs off cliffs to make up for the fact that she left her younger siblings behind when she ran away from home at 17 because the responsibility of looking over her siblings was too much for her