#this is needed in such a depressing location I am in rn | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

primroses-n-deadleaves · 3 months ago

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i dont have anyone to talk to rn, not out of anything bad theyre just busy and also have their own issues and so on; its okay still it leaves me wondering what went wrong? i only have two ppl that i can rlly talk to like both socialize and also to the extremes of venting, i try to help them too but im not rlly good at it, and so, whenever theyre missing or busy, i feel very alone, which is funny becuz im quite fortunate to have a semi active group on discord with cool ppl but instead of trying to get rid of my loneliness ig i jus self isolate idek whats wrong with me now, all the bad stressful stuff passed, for now,, mom was angry cuz my room got infested with termites, she got rid of them and i was left with the task of cleaning the stain,; and i jus discovered theres more termites to my side that went unnoticed by mom and that are eating the table and chair,; she doenst know of that yet thou so i can handle but i havent, the weekend approaches which is when well be doing all of this, i could try to take care of it before saturday before she notices and gets even more angry at me but here i am writing instead.

i feel very useless, my car is still at the repair shop so i can go out and buy the insecticide i need to get rid of the termitees, its at the repair shop cuz i let it break,, when it broke i called mom and she was at work so she asked me if i had any friends that could come and help me, all my friends are little ppl on my phone stuck to the other side of screen,; she had to call her friend which i was lucky that he was available and came to help me i felt very alone and useless and without any friends theres only so much online friends can do and i dont blame them, im also an online friend to them and i cant rlly do much for them either; that said, i rlly want irl friends.... but those "friends" i, stupid highschool drama ruined all my friendships its been 4 years and im still suffering the consequences of it; and also i rlly miss them, even if they were shitty and used me i still miss them;; maybe if i had acted like nothing id probably still be used sure but maybe i wouldve had someone to call when my car broke down

also im unemployed, with a gambling addiction of all things,, ive been thinking of getting a cheaper addiction- well, cheaper in the long run, something like smoking, not drinking, drinking is a bit expensive and my family from dad's side has a history of alcoholism,, so smoking or vaping, ruin my lungs,, im pretty sure a pack of cigarettes is cheaper than putting 100 into gacha games; why not look for a job? great question, i have, maybe not hard enough but im a bit too depressed if u cant tell by the writing; ive also tried to do online job but its rlly taxing to do a lot of work making vids and such to see no profit and ik ik it comes with time but i dont have time i need money now the funniest part is that i tried to apply for military jobs yknow the army and even those have rejected me, yes im overweight according to bmi, thats all they needed to disqualify me,; so instead i spend my time leeching money of mom, i feel very guilty, im a horrible child,, i sobbed when i was getting my meds and it ended up costing 30 bucks to buy becuz i sent it to a damn walgreens instead of a local pharmacy that accepts my insurance, i lost my meds and i could get refill but itll end up costing until i change the location which i cant change until my next visit

i wanted to kill myself when mom told me i could be working rn and that she was right, i could be working rn but instead i was laying on the bed which isnt even mine becuz i sleep on my sisters room taht has ac

the feeling had dissipated for a moment, well, it left when i repressed my feelings, which writing about it makes me confront those feelings so the suicidal ideation is back; in moments like this i think about one certain episode of fairly odd parents, yknow the one where timmy sees how the world would be if he never existed and sees that everyone around him is doing better without him? i dont remember the ending, i just think about it and think im better off dead, literally, i bring no good to the world

if u happen to stumble upon this, dw, i have a strangely strong will to live, last time i rlly tried to kill myself and acted, i called the hotline, which took me to the hospital where i was fortunate its a good hospital and got treated nicely,; bottom line is, and i quite hate this part of myself, ill live,; this stupid survival instict is strong enough to keep me from dying, i rlly hope it wasnt , life honestly isnt worth living,, the world is a shit place

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alpacaparkaseok · 4 years ago

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Walk Away

inspired by the song “Hold On Me” by Ella Henderson. Listen to it while you read if you’d like to cry with me.

He scares me when he gets that look.

I’ve realized that it doesn’t necessarily happen at a certain time of day or location. I’m not sure what it is that triggers it, but every so often I’ll turn and see Jimin looking at me with this look that terrifies me.

He looks at me like I’m his whole world.

This time it happens as I’m sitting on my bed, looking out over the mess of boxes and clothes that have yet to be packed. He comes to stand at the doorway, about to ask how I’m feeling about moving back home tomorrow but he stops in his tracks.

When I catch him staring, he doesn’t stop. In fact, the longer I think about it and all the past experiences with it, I’m starting to think that maybe he doesn’t even know about it.

“How’s it coming?” He asks quietly, his typically chipper self muted in the face of me moving halfway across the world.

“I don’t remember having this much stuff when I first moved here.”

He laughs lightly, the sound reminding me of twinkling stars as he tiptoes around the mess to sit beside me. “I don’t think you did.”

The familiar dip in the bed beside me has me clenching my jaw, fighting against the onslaught of sweet memories where we would sit just like this: perched on the edge of my bed, talking late into the night until exhaustion or Sejin calling Jimin to remind him that he had to get up early the next morning pulled him away.

“This is exhausting,” I sigh, flopping back against the bed. Jimin watches me fall, a smile gracing his features before it’s wiped clean.

“Yeah, you’ve been packing all day-”

“I don’t mean physically,” I interrupt him, staring up at the ceiling. “Emotionally.”

It’s silent, and I prop myself up on my elbows to see Jimin staring at me with that same expression as before. Glancing at my boarding pass that’s sitting on the bedside table, I throw caution to the wind.

“What’s that about?” I ask.

Jimin blinks at me, the soft look in his eyes never faltering. “What?”

“That...look.”

His eyes widen a bit. “What look? What are you talking about?”

Giving him a mischievous grin, I sit back up and adjust to sit cross-legged beside him. “You know what I'm talking about. You always get this look at the most random moments.”

“They’re not random!”

“Aha!” I shout. “So you do know what I’m talking about.”

Jimin groans, his face flushed as he gets up. “Why are you bringing this up now?”

I frown, wanting him to sit back down but he remains standing before me. “Why shouldn’t I? Is now a bad time for you?” I tease, making him roll his eyes.

“Yes, it is.” He responds sharply, running a hand through his hair and sighing.

That wasn’t what I was expecting.

“...ok, am I missing something here?” I ask, growing annoyed. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing. I almost finished packing up the dishes, I’ll just go finish then get out of your hair.”

Before I can say anything else Jimin sweeps out of the room, leaving me with my mouth gaping. We’ve never argued, we rarely even get annoyed with each other. So why now?

“Today sucks,” I mumble to myself, falling back against my bed and staring up at the ceiling. The sounds of Jimin packing in the kitchen are all I can hear, but I find no comfort in them. Not when I know that something isn’t right between us.

Groaning a little as I get up off the bed, I’m nearly out the door when I hear a crash.

“Jimin?” I call out, running into the hallway and hearing him mumble out a string of curses.

Entering the kitchen I see Jimin with a broom already in hand, crouching down and sweeping up the remains of one of my mugs. He hears me enter, looking at me over his shoulder.

His eyes are red-rimmed as he sniffles. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean- I wasn’t paying attention and it just slipped-”

“It’s ok,” I reassure him, going to step closer to him but jumping back as he holds his hand up.

“Wait! Let me sweep the whole floor first.”

Going back to stand in the hallway, I’m absolutely bewildered as he makes sure to sweep every inch of the floor before throwing the fragments into the garbage.

“What’s going on, Jiminie?”

He stands with his back to me, refusing to turn around as he clings to the broom handle. “Nothing,” he whispers, his voice thick with what I can only assume are unshed tears.

I feel a sharp pang knowing that he’s struggling so much, and I tiptoe over to him before he can order me back out into the hallway.

He stiffens as I come up behind him and wrap my arms around his middle, resting my cheek against his back. I don’t even realize that I’m holding my breath until I feel him sigh.

Jimin drops one hand to rest on my clasped ones, his head dropping. “I’m sorry.”

Squeezing him a little tighter, I move to rest my forehead between his shoulder blades. “It’s ok.” I pause. “Will you please tell me what’s going on with you today? You’ve been distant all day.”

He tenses again. “I...” Resting the broom against the counter, he spins around to face me. His lips form a pout as he looks down at me with the same look as before, stronger than ever. “Don’t leave.”

I frown up at him, matching his pout. “I can’t stay-”

“Yes, you can. Hear me out,” he adds before I can interrupt him. “I’ve been looking at apartments for you, I found one that I think you’d love! It’s only a couple of blocks down from me, isn’t that great?”

“You live in a gated community! Any place near there are probably more expensive than my year’s wages!”

“I’ll help you! I know the guy that owns them, it’s really cool. He flips apartments! Y’know, kind of like flipping houses, but apartment style! And there’s this one that has this cute yellow door and I convinced him to hold it for me-”

“Jimin, I can’t stay.”

“You’re not listening to me. You can. I’ll help you. I know you hate that, but just swallow your pride for once and stay. Don’t- don’t go.”

If he looks at me like that for another second, I think I’ll fall apart right here in his arms. His eyes are wide, like he’s afraid to miss a single breath I take, shining with some sort of adoration I didn’t realize I deserved.

I certainly won’t after this.

Closing my eyes against the knowledge of what I have to do, I press my face up against his chest. His arms immediately encircle me, holding me tight as he breathes in deeply.

“Jiminie,” I mumble against his sweatshirt. “I can’t.”

What Jimin will never understand is that he was never mine to have. The idea that I could actually have Park Jimin has never crossed my mind. Especially not after he gave me tickets to his most recent concert.

Seeing all those people absolutely mesmerized by him...it was a sort of revelation for me. They cried for him, professed their undying love, and just watched him.

It was when I realized that they watched him with the same love that I felt that I knew that Jimin was not meant to be mine.

How could I steal him away?

For now, I cling to him as much as he clings to me, all the unspoken words between the two of us crashing down until I have to come up for air.

When I look back up at him, I see that something has changed in his eyes.

“You’re leaving.”

It’s not a question, but I answer him nonetheless. “I have to.”

He shakes his head. “No, you want to. This is your choice.”

Heart cracking until it splits, I shake my head, biting back the tears. “No, Jiminie. I have to. Y-you don’t understand, I-”

“I understand enough,” he bites out, hesitating for a moment longer before removing his arms from me. I instantly feel the chill of his absence. “And don’t call me that.”

He begins to walk away, and I stand there like a fool as I watch him. Heart bleeding and my body numb, I watch as Jimin walks toward the door.

“I finished packing up everything in the kitchen,” he mutters, not even bothering to look at me. “If you need any more help, I’ll send the boys over.”

“Jimin-”

He turns around, one hand on the door. “It really is a beautiful apartment, you know. It has that view you always talked about wanting, and a perfect spot to set your plants. And I talked to the neighbors, too. They’re a retired couple.”

My breathing is broken now as I blindly step toward him, hating the look that once made me so nervous. Hating that this is my reality, and I’m too afraid to change it. Too far gone now, looking at the way he’s gazing at me like I might still change my mind. Like I’m going to stop him from leaving.

“I want to come back,” I choke out. “I want to come back, even if I can’t stay. Please don’t leave like this.”

Jimin gives me a small, brokenhearted smile. “I’m not the one that’s leaving.” Opening up the door, Jimin looks back at me one more time as though expecting me to shout after him, telling him that I’ve changed my mind.

I can’t, though. Not as I remember the girl that sat beside me at the concert, telling me about how Jimin had saved her life. How she loved him just the way he was right now, how she felt like they shared a special bond.

It’s her words that echo through my mind as the door softly closes.

“I just feel like I know him, you know? He’s everything to me. And he’ll never know that, but I guess I’ll just keep cheering him on from afar. That’s all I can do. But I love him. And I’ll love him forever, I think.”

masterlist

This was...depressing lol. But I’m working on a Jimin series rn and I’m just so soft for him. Anyway, does this deserve a part 2? What do you guys think?

part 2!

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peachithings · 4 years ago

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Fix You

title: fix you

pairing: jackson wang x reader

genre: angst, fluff

warning/s: mentions of heartbreak, cheating, depressing thoughts in reader’s mind

word count: 2.3k

prompt: what happens when a certain jackson wang comes crashing into your life amidst your darkest days? will his bright personality be enough to pull you out from the dark?

a/n: italicized sentences, phrases, words are y/n’s thoughts.

twenty-twenty is coming to an end yet it only brought you pain and misery.

why? why did twenty-twenty only bring me all of these stuff? the stuff that only made me crawl deeper into my dark world. have i done wrong things in my past life that it had suddenly caught up with me and decided to haunt me in this life?

you had all these thoughts. thoughts that did not seem to have an end. thoughts that has gotten to you and has put you in your own misery on loop.

it all started as soon as twenty-twenty arrived.

it was the annual new year’s eve party with your friends and you decided to invite your boyfriend at the time to the party. in the early hours of the party, everything was going great. you were happy with both your friends and with the love of your life, or so you thought.

midnight was fast approaching and you were trying to find your so-called boyfriend; looking everywhere while the clock struck twelve and everyone around you shouting “Happy New Year” and jumping for joy, your world seemed to suddenly stop when you saw your boyfriend making out with another girl who is obviously not you. you slowly walk through the sea of people hoping and praying that it was the alcohol in your system that led you to this illusion. but unfortunately, it was not. heck! you were not even close to being drunk. when you were close enough to the two bodies intimately intertwined, your eyes tearing up and mind was definitely not deceiving you.

“in yeop?!” you shouted while tears threaten to spill from your eyes.

he looked at you and was stunned to see you.

“babe? I can explain...” He replied in panic.

not needing to hear anything from him, you stormed out of the party with tears streaming down your face. he was quick to leave the woman he was with earlier and rushed to follow you.

he caught up with you and held you on your wrist. “babe...” he said.

cringing to his word, you quickly freed your wrist from his touch. “don’t you dare ‘babe’ me.” you said angrily. “you have no right anymore.” you added.

“____, please. don’t do this. i’m sorry.”

“sorry?!” you snapped. “do you think your ‘sorry’ could fix anything?” you added.

“let’s end this, in yeop.” you sighed.

he sighed. without a word he turned around and left.

wow?! really? just like that? he left. he didn’t even put up a fight. he didn’t even fight for me and our relationship?

what’s wrong with me? am i not enough?

am i not worth the fight? was i ever worth it?

and that moment was the start. it was the start of your negative and toxic thoughts creeping to your head.

a few days after that incident, your friends had urged you to join them for lunch out. at first, you were hesitant to go out with them since it had only been days since you broke up with your ex. but knowing your friends, they won’t take no for an answer from you so instead, you decided to go without a fight.

your friends had messaged you for the location of the restaurant and when you arrived you spotted your group of friends already at the table but there was one person who you are unfamiliar with.

when you got to the table, you greeted everyone with a smile, “hi, everyone!”

They all turned their attention to you and greeted you back.

“oh, ____! this is jackson.” yugyeom said. “jackson, ______.” he added.

you gave him a warm smile and said, “nice to meet you.”

“nice to meet you too.” jackson replied and returned your warm smile.

you then proceeded to the seat unoccupied just next to jackson. and the lunch began. they caught up with each other and with each passing minute, you got to know jackson and got along with him too.

truth be told, you’ve never welcomed just anyone to be in your circle. it had always been yugyeom, jinyoung, mark, jaebeom, youngjae, bambam and you. sure you’ve had your fair share of boyfriends but you knew very well that they don’t last long. but with your ex boyfriend, in yeop, it was different at least it was for you. you’ve never fell that fast and that hard for any of your past lovers.

it must have been jackson’s bright personality that made you welcome him smoothly into your little circle. or maybe the way he smiled all throughout lunch. or maybe because he kept mood of the lunch so light and happy making all those funny remarks and stories that he shared here and there.

deep down you knew it was all of those traits that made you welcome him. you were drawn to his bright personality like it was your lighthouse guiding you to the right path in your dark world.

at the end of your lunch out with friends, you and jackson exchanged numbers.

this jackson guy looks like he’s a good guy.

he made me laugh every chance he got.

his personality is so bright that he’s like a lighthouse that suddenly went in my world to guide me out of my dark world.

but will he be able to handle all my demons?

what if he doesn’t want a friend that could be a burden to him?

what if he ran away too just like everyone else before him?

that night, your mind had started yet another turmoil in your little head. thoughts have started to run through your head again.

jackson is just a new addition to your circle and yet your mind had already started to overthink every little thing.

just like any other times, you couldn’t stop your thoughts from making all these unnecessary assumptions. so you just laid there on your bed until you fell asleep.

the next few months were like hell since it was peak season. working as a front desk manager at a five star hotel has been very demanding lately with welcome amenities for the hotel’s VIPs arriving the next week were getting rushed to be finalized by your department so that it could be evaluated by the kitchen department before week ends and it was stressing the hell out of you but you still continued to do your job until you heard your phone’s notification bell indicating that you have new messages that came through. you smiled when you read that the messages were from jackson.

jackson: hey

jackson: how are you?

jackson: just wandering of you’d want to hang on fri?

you checked the notifications and thought it was cute that he’s checking up on you and asking to hang out. you thought he was cute. you quickly replied to his messages and put your phone inside your coat’s inside pocket and went back to work.

me: hey

me: i’m doing good, just packed with work rn and u?

me: fri? sounds good, send me the deets

you heard your phone dinged yet again and thought it was jackson texting you the details for friday and thought that you’ll just read them once you’re out from work.

the last few hours of work were excruciating and drained you. but nonetheless, you were so happy work’s over!

you quickly whipped out your phone from your bag to read the messages that you thought were from jackson but you were shocked when you saw who it was from.

it was from your ex, the ex that cheated on you during new year’s eve. and you immediately had a pang in your chest like the pain you felt a few months ago were back again and you’re to square one.

in yeop: hey y/n

in yeop: are you home?

in yeop: i’m in front of your building

for you, the thing with in yeop is that you just can’t seem to let him go thus, why you can’t get over him. that even after the incident you still missed him.

i was doing just fine without you. i mean i do miss you from time to time but it’s only normal to miss someone you loved right?

why can’t i move on from you and be happy?

why do you have to come back and haunt me?

the thoughts were starting yet again. you decided it was best to go home since you were so tired from work and replied to in yeop.

me: hey

me: just got out from work, i’ll be home in a few

me: why?

you locked back your phone and headed home. your body wanted nothing more that to hit the hay and call it a night.

in yeop: nothing

in yeop: i just missed you

in yeop: i miss you y/n

and just like that, you were coming back to him.

the days went by far too fast for your liking and it was suddenly thursday night.

after that night with in yeop, he never called or messaged you back. he ghosted you and as soon as you realized it, thoughts flooded through your head again. and just like any other days, it wouldn’t stop.

i’m so disgusting.

i let him use me. i let him use me like a slut that i am.

why? why did i even caved in?

i’m so stupid.

i feel so dirty.

i just want everything to stop.

i want it to end, i want the pain to end.

it also didn’t help that you just lurked on in yeop’s instagram and saw that he already has a girlfriend. it made you sick.

you decided it would be best to file in a sick leave for tomorrow.

your thoughts didn’t let you sleep. you cried every pain you felt but it still didn’t get better. you cried like there was no tomorrow.

the morning came, the sun was rising and that’s when you felt all the exhaustion from crying your eyes out. you passed out.

you woke up in an unfamiliar place.

you hear some kind of a monitor and you slowly opened up your eyes.

“hey, how are you?” he said.

the voice you recognized to be jackson’s.

when your eyes were fully adjusted, you recognized the room to be at a hospital.

“why am i here?” you questioned. “aren’t we supposed to hang out later?” you added.

“yeah, about that.” jackson started.

“i know we were supposed to meet up at the arcade but i really wanted to pick you up from your apartment so i went there earlier to surprise you.” he added.

“but i continuously ringing your doorbell and your phone. you weren’t picking up so phoned gyeom asking if anyone knew your whereabouts. but gyeom didn’t know either and told me you filed a sick leave at work.” he continued.

“so basically, he just gave me the passcode to your apartment so that i could check if you were in and i saw you on your couch.”

“i tried to wake you up but you weren’t waking up. checked your pulse and it was faint so i called an ambulance.”

“the doctor’s said that you were over-fatigued.” he frowned.

“don’t frown at me, jackson.” you pouted.

“how can i not? i was so worried.” he responded.

“you..” you started. “you were worried? about me?” you asked.

“i was hella worried. you didn’t wake up for a full day.” he pouted.

“and i know this is not a great situation to say this.” he started. “i initially intended to say this to you after our hang out. but for some obvious reason, it was postponed. and i really need this to get it off my chest already.” he rambled.

he took a deep breath and said, “y/n, i like you. like, i like like you.”

“like, i want to date you kind of ‘i like you’. y’know?”

you smiled at him. you thought it was really cute. you thought he was cute for getting nervous confessing to you.

“really? you like me in that way?” you intrigued.

“yes, i do.” he smiled. “as cheesy as it may sound, that day, during our lunch. the first time we met, i was already drawn to you.”

you felt a sudden surge of heat on cheeks.

“you’re cute when you blush.” jackson complimented.

jackson took care of you that day at the hospital. he listened to your needs.

you didn’t realize it at first but it was the first time in a long time that your mind did not think of any negative thoughts.

for the first time in a long time, you were smiling and laughing genuinely.

jackson noticed.

“wow, that smile and laugh was different.” he said.

“it was a lot different from the first time we met.”

you didn’t know how but he noticed. he noticed something that no one has ever noticed before.

“i...” you started.

“you can tell me when you’re ready.” jackson interrupted.

“for now, i’ll do my very best to be here for you. to make you feel safe.” he added.

“i will never leave. i’ll stay for as long as you want and need me to.”

“i’ll be here to listen to you, i can be your human diary if you need me to.”

“and i will try to fix you.”

it made you tear up. your heart was fluttering. your heart was full and it felt great.

twenty-twenty was only half way through and jackson was the one thing that you were grateful to have come crashing into your life.

“i know you said that i can tell you when i’m ready.” you said. “and i’m ready now.”

“i don’t want to hide anything from you.”

“i want you to stay with me, while i fix myself.”

and from that moment forward, it was start of something new.

A/N: Thank you for reading! If you happen to like my work, you can support me by buying me coffee hehe

Also, you can send me requests, your thoughts and opinions here

#jackson #jackson wang #got7 #jackson angst #jackson fluff #got7 jackson #got7 jackson wang #team wang #in yeop #hwang in yeop #han seo jun

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nightwingmyboi · 5 years ago

Note

Pt 1) I'm ngl, if this Ric Grayson arc ends with Dick finally going off on the rest of the batfam for only showing him affection when they need something, it will almost be worth it. You mentioned in the meta about his relationship with the batfam that to recover from the gunshot he cut every one off (ngl, I stopped reading as soon as his memories were wiped), and I think that means now is the perfect time (or when his memories finally return fully next issue) for him to blow up

Pt 2) I want him to go off on Bruce for never seeming satisfied with what he does. I want him to go off on Tim for running away when everything was going to shit while Bruce was stuck in time (there's evidence that he remembers pre reboot stuff with that one panel that has torque and tarantula and him proposing to Babs so I'm going to say that's all still canon). I want him to lose his shit with Babs for constantly being mad at him when he's trying so hard (I love Babs, but this is annoying)

Pt 3) when he gets his memories back I want him to finally blow up. Like??? His life has been in a constant state of falling apart since he became Nightwing (hell, even before that), but he still always put others first. And now Roy is dead, Donna is evil, Wally is who knows where after killing Roy, Jason and Bruce are back on the outs, etc, etc and people were saying they need him back to fix things when he's recovering from being shot in the head. If they let him point this out, the Ric arc

Pt 4) will have been validated in my eyes. Still fucking terrible writing wise, execution (I was excited for Talon! Dick but christ what I read of it was bad), one of the worst decisions they've made recently, and they've made a bunch of bad ones, but it will be validated in its existence to me.

Yeah, Dick takes a lot of crap from the members of his family; a lot of the things you listed are things that I am very much not a fan of, lmao. And I’d even add that, with the Ric stuff you mention, it wasn’t even that Dick “cut everyone off” so that he could recover; I should have made this clearer--Bruce and the rest of the family should take a lot of the blame for pushing Dick away. See, initially, Dick was open to the idea of getting to know his family. He visited the manor and then Bruce, impatient with the lack of progress Dick was making on regaining his memories, decided to take Dick down to the Batcave, show him the Nightwing suit (that still had the freaking blood from the gunshot wound on it Jesus Christ), and traumatize Dick with the video of him getting shot in the head in order to stir up some memories. Alfred and Damian help Bruce do this:

Nightwing: Rebirth Annual #2

And Dick is obviously horrified. After this, why in the world would Dick want to be Nightwing? Why would he want to associate with his “family”? Staying away from the manor wasn’t Dick cutting out people in his life who cared for him and were trying to help him; it was about, in Dick’s mind, staying away from people who were willing to hurt him, people who cared more about his utility and how they needed him to be Nightwing then they cared about his safety and wellbeing. It was a desperate move to protect himself from people he could no longer trust. It is clear that implanted false memories and other brainwashing was done from the very beginning (by the doctor Bruce specifically hired no less) in order to ensure that “Ric” would not be comfortable with Bruce and would be inclined to leave, but it was Bruce’s actions that had Dick running literally right into his brainwasher’s arms:

It’s also not even like afterwards Dick hid himself in some unknown location, completely out of contact. Barbara easily tracked Dick down to talk. And yet, when Barbara talks to him, she doesn’t ask Dick if he’s alright. She just tells him that they want him to regain his memories (umm...yeah you’ve made that clear), comments that he’s not acting like himself, and tells him to come back to the manor. So...it’s all about what the family wants. Dick says no, and there are zero attempts at a compromise. Maybe the family could have used the millions of dollars at its disposal to set Dick up elsewhere outside the manor so he doesn’t have to, uh, live in a cab? Maybe they could agree to occasional check-ins instead of the overbearing babysitting they were suggesting, that Dick is uncomfortable with? Maybe they could ask Dick what he wants? But, no. As soon as Dick doesn’t do exactly what they want him to, he’s on his own. People talk about how this arc is making Dick look bad, but beyond that, really it's making all of the family look like uncaring, selfish assholes.

That aside, about how I want this arc to conclude...it would be nice, as readers, to see Dick finally put his foot down and stand up for himself a little. But honestly? Him going off on everyone like you describe? I feel like that would be out of character. I could maybe see Dick telling off Batman, but I can’t even imagine Dick truly blowing up at Damian or Tim, or really even Barbara. People really over exaggerate Dick’s temper a lot; in reality, it usually takes very extreme circumstances, and often an insane amount of stress and/or brainwashing to make Dick lash out. Bruce is one of the few people that can make Dick lose his temper, so maybe. But I also think that when Dick is truly upset and emotionally compromised, his first move is to go somewhere to be alone. He doesn’t tend to lash out; he tends to retreat and isolate himself if he’s able. You’ll often see him hole himself in his apartment when everything becomes too much. Two good examples of this are in Joker’s Last Laugh and in the Outsiders. After Dick kills the Joker, he immediately retreats to his apartment to be alone, and likewise after Donna dies, he spends months isolated from his friends in Bludhaven:

Teen Titans/Outsiders Secret Files

And not only all that, but I really don’t think Dick yelling at everyone would be cathartic for him. If he did something like that, he’d feel terrible and guilty about it. He’d apologize. And I really don’t want him to have to apologize for anything in the aftermath of all this horrible stuff he’s been through. I don’t want any of the responsibility for making things right to be put on his shoulders. Though he’ll probably feel the need to try to fix things anyway, I’d actually prefer him to just...stay away from the family. Not avoid them, but let them be the ones to reach out to him for a change. Especially recently, Dick has had to do all the emotional work in his relationships; it would be so gratifying to have his friends and family put the work in on their own and be the ones to initiate so Dick doesn’t have to do all the heavy lifting.

And hey, I’d love even more for one of the numerous friends he used to have to step in and stand up for him instead, so he doesn’t have to. If the rest of the Titans were not currently being put through depressing arcs themselves (or being dead, RIP Roy), I think they definitely would’ve knocked some heads together. I think the only possible solution...is Uncle Clark coming to the rescue! Surely if Superman knew what was going on, he’d come down to the cave and give a good old fashioned tongue lashing to Batman for his pseudo-nephew’s sake! I’m not caught up with the Superman comics so idk what he’s up to rn, but please tell me this can happen and if not let me dream.

Thanks for the ask! I feel your pain, was pretty disappointed with Talon Dick. I really want to just reach into the comics and wrap Dick up in a blanket or something, give him rest!

#ask #dick grayson #ric grayson #nightwing #batman #bruce wayne #barbara gordon #damian wayne #negative #character analysis #meta

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1zashreena1 · 4 years ago

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I Am Having a Sad -9

18+, m/f, technically OCxDiego Jimenez [Power]

Summary: Princess has a bad and lonely self-esteem day. Diego goes too far too fast from 2500 miles away and she calls her safeword for the first time in her life.

WARNINGS: Ridiculous descriptions and ‘the code is more like guidelines’ outlook on grammar. Is it OOC if the character was given essentially zero development in canon???

FEELS. the L word, SAFEWORD, depression/anxiety, self-esteem issues, sensory processing issues, sel-expression difficulties, plus size woman+fit man, soft!Diego, overwhelmed Princess, is a relationship happening?? apparently. Leftover high school Spanish.

A/N: Princess took on a life of her own and has essentially become an OC. There are infrequent mentions of her description (specifically as plus size) and her actual name in later pieces (its Bicki). She started as self-insert so she looks like me (plus size, white, short, blue eyes, curly hair). If that is not your thing, I totally understand. And do not feel obligated to read this, I will not be offended!

I’m not a fan of “plot” so be aware that most of this series is just meandering through their relationship, angst-fluff-smut whiplash style. But with dick jokes.

TAGLIST: @chelsfic @symbiont13 @nicke0115 @bunnykjm @rosee-sensuelle @girlpornparadise @mandoplease @heresathreebee @xxsteph-enrixx @jetiikad @joalsglasses @mutantcookiesecrets @demoncatstone @squidlywiddly87 @lockedoutofmyotherblog @poeedamerons

I am having a sad. This is normal and okay. I just have to wait it out. I do not need to text him. This pep talk would be more effective if you would stop staring longingly at the last selfie he sent you.

It isn't working. All you want right now is to be smothered in Diego but he is in a different time zone. And you don't want to be clingy. And demanding. And needy.

Surely making yesterday's selfie your new lock screen will help, right?

With a big sigh you flop backwards into your bed. You eye your phone like it's a live grenade. It hasn't even been eight hours since the last text and. And you have this… pain? In your chest? What if I'm annoying him?

He has to be super busy, I should just wait. What time even is it in LA right now?

You snatch up the phone and check. 7:46 pm PDT. You wonder what he ate today. Did he have dinner yet? What shirt is he wearing? Does he have a headache? He always says he has a headache when he gets back to New York. And then you rub his head, stroke through his soft hair, stretch out his solid neck, break up all the adhesions in those broad shoulders.

Bitch, this is not helping. What do you hate about him?

Oh yeah, that list is blank.

You open up the text conversation and stare at the blinking cursor. Just one text can't hurt, right?

You look at the selfie again. He's in bed, deep plum sheet tucked up under his chin, all sleepy chocolate eyes and a soft little smile. His face is relaxed, leaning against his left hand. His beard is ruffled on one side, flattened on the other from where he must have slept on it. You can feel tears welling up again.

How the fuck is he so gorgeous? Why is someone who looks like that sending me selfies? I have no right to this. I don't deserve this.

You reach out and trace one finger down his cheek. His right dimple is visible under the stubble. Minimizing the picture, you go back to the cursor. The screen is blurry until you blink and one tear slips out.

You type out one hasty 'hey' and hit send before you can quadruple guess yourself. This is stupid. He's too busy for your little drama queen hissy fit meltdown.

Sorry, should've asked if you're busy first

Send.

Enough time passes that you flip the phone screen-down and plop it on your heaving chest. You bring both hands to your face and press into your closed eyelids. Just as you reach back down with a huge sigh the phone vibrates.

Princessssss. You know I'm never busy to you

You choke out a sob-laugh and try to breathe normally. Okay, now a decision. Idle chatter or metric fuckton of feels? While you waffle about it, Diego initiates a videocall. Oh, hell no. You jab 'Decline' so hard it bends your nail back.

What is wrong? Why can't I see you?

I just look like shit rn. Please don't

That has never been true. Mi princesa bonita

Always quick with the compliments. You sniffle.

I just. I guess I just miss you. Tonight

Perfect, you hit send before could have deleted it. Great job. Wonderful. Brilliant.

Is everything ok? This does not sound like sexytimes

Oh, Diego.

Yeah, I'm fine. Mostly. I mean nothing is wrong, its just me

Just me having feels

… should you have sent that? Probably not. Do you regret it? Yes, instantly. In fact, if preemptive regret were possible you would already have drowned in it.

The phone is quiet for a minute. Good job dumbass, now he IS annoyed.

What kind? Sad feels? Headache feels? Work is stupid and frustrating feels? Huffy feels that require cheese? You have many feels. At all times. It sounds exhausting

Yep. I'm annoying and clingy. You chastise yourself rather effectively.

You're right. Sorry. I got this

Does that sound bitchy? Is it bitchy? Oh my god, I need an off button.

Nonono. I asked. You have to answer. Its a rule

Your laugh is sharp.

Since when do you care about rules lol

When they're your rules. We agreed to answer direct questions honestly, yes?

Well fuck. He got you there. You had agreed to that. When you two sat down in your living room after the Emotional Spanking*™ and had a 'groundframe setup' discussion. Sometimes you were fairly certain he mangled phrases just to watch your eye twitch violently. Little shit.

OK fine. I'm feeling shitty about myself. Happy??

Now that is bitchy.

FORBIDDEN

And no, that does not please Diego

And is that why I exist? To please you???

Before you can stop it, your temper flares.

No Princess. The other way. Let me please you

Oh no. Oh shit. What. Is. Happening?? You are royally fucked now. This entire conversation has gone so completely off the rails that you can't even define a 'train'. Those little bouncing dots have not stopped yet.

Should I tell you how I miss you? How these stupid meetings and these stupid people and my stupid sister bore me when I would rather be listening to you read a dictionary? Or sing every word to every song ever played on the radio? Or explain the differences between cat breeds?

Or maybe I could say how ridiculously empty this bed is with only me in it. How there are no tiny socks hidden under the comforter. Not a single lip balm in sight.

Perhaps you need a list of everything I would touch. The soft lips. A little bitty hand. That tiny ribcage. Those thick thighs. With my beard, ofc. Your forehead with mine?

Oh. Ohh. Oh no. This is not fair. This is an attack. How did he just break me like this? Your face is flushed and you are crying outright now. You have to stop this right now.

Stop.stop please. Diego no

Diego yessss

You can't take anymore. This isn't funny. You can't even form words. When autocorrect suggests the picture of a pineapple you stab it and then hit send in rapid succession.

Pinnaea🍍🍍

………………………...

Your phone emits one aborted ring then it cuts off.

Can I call? Please

You're trying to figure out a way to calm yourself, to stifle the heaving gasps and whiny sobs. You're nodding. Not useful, idiot, you scold yourself.

No video. Just talk. Please Princess

You can't say no to that when he is trying so hard.

Ok yeah

You barely see the message load on the screen when the ringing starts up again. Smacking the green button entirely too hard, you hold your breath to stop the pitiful sounds.

"Princess?" His voice is cautious, tone soft.

"I'm h-here." Is all you can manage. Any more and you'll burst into sobs again.

"Are you in bed?" Keeping it short and precise. Yes or no answers. Nothing too demanding.

"Yeah. S-s-sitting." He is being so sweet. How is someone like Diego so sweet to you. Something rustles in the background.

"What was it? A specific word? Or just too much?" His voice is hushed, like he might be in a small room…

"Are… are you in a c-c-closet?" Is he really…? You hold your breath.

"Si. Your closet is too small. I was going to send you a picture." He answers.

You absolutely cannot deal with this man.

"Baby, I--" Your stupid soprano voice gives away how emotional you really are. He was going to send you a picture of a closet big enough for you to hide. Probably a panoramic shot so you could fully visualize it. Your chest compresses and you gasp.

"Princess? Talk. Make a noise. Something!" He sounds panicked. You suddenly remember he can't read your face this way. He can't see your pleased smile.

"That's. That's just. Diego, I love you so much." Its out before you can stop it. Even though you know he can't see it, you still hide your face.

"Love." He breathes softly into the phone. "Tell Diego what you need, my good little girl." His voice is quiet, controlled. He is letting you lead him where you want him. Everywhere. Forever.

You feel safe enough to actually confess, "I just have a, a really hard time believing… all of. That." You wave your hand in the air vaguely. "Not that you're lying!" You rush to clarify. "Just that anyone could actually like, well seems to, at least, everything…?"

"Did that make any sense?" You chew your lip anxiously.

His soft chuckle makes your stomach flip. "Well, it was technically English." Your snort sends him into quiet giggles.

"I like hearing you laugh." You whisper. He goes silent. You tense up.

"Perfect little princess. No one has ever told me that before. Most people are frightened of my laugh." He seems a little bewildered by his own words. Like he didn't mean for that to come out but now he definitely wants to hear the reaction.

You cover your smile, then pick up the phone so you can lie down. "Apparently I'm not most people." You feel around blindly until you locate TMP (Tiny Murder Panther) and tuck the stuffed animal under your chin for cuddles. "I like your voice, too. Like when you talk to me. Sometimes its just the words. Or rather my ingesting of them of that trips me up." Your quiet sniffle is hidden in silky black fur.

"The words are the problem? Do I need a, a…. The book with words that all mean the same thing." He bites out.

Sometimes you forget that English is his second language. Then things like this happen. And its fucking adorable.

"Thesaurus. Synonyms, baby." Your smile is audible.

"I know!" He huffs in mock indignation.

"I know you know. That's cute, though."

"So are your little 'aqui's and 'si's and 'ahora's."

"Fine! Gawd!"

You both dissolve into laughter. It fades into easy silence while you rub your cheek over faux fur.

He sighs gently into the phone. "Was it the forehead touching?" His voice trembles a bit, like he is unsure that he should have asked. As though afraid. A little overwhelmed, just like you.

"Um. Yes. Actually. That was. Yeah, that did it." You blink back tears. "We have a thing. We're a 'we'."

"That is what you want, yes?" Diego sounds cautious. As if he might accidentally utter an irreversible spell or something. Then, a quiet whisper, "It's what I want."

You suck in a deep breath and decide to just force it out. Just take what you desire. Jump already.

"I want you. I don't think a typical, um, relationship would work. But, people can define themselves. Relationships should operate the same way."

That… that actually sounded decisive and authoritative. Wow. You're really that bitch tonight, huh? You are very pleased with yourself. You can hear something sliding against the phone but can't identify the sound.

"There she is." The wide smile in his voice stabs directly into your heart. It was his beard rubbing the phone when he smiled. You laugh with his approval, pleasure burning through your veins.

"Maybe I can write some stuff down. For discussion purposes. Maybe you can write some stuff down for me. Reading it makes it seem more real to me."

"If that is your royal decree, Princess." He shuffles around, you can hear clothing rustling.

"Do you really like finding my orphan socks?" Your voice is sly, like a kid springing a trap question. He likes that smirky tone and you know it.

"They are cute. Just like the tiny feet. You are so very little, Princess." Oh, but he knows exactly how to flip the trap back onto you. The sound of muffled tapping comes through the line. "Tiny feet. Added to the list." His voice echoes the smallest bit, he must have you on speaker so he can access the note app. "Next item: fat ass."

You explode into guffaws. "Damnit Diego!" Your wheezing almost drowns out his husky laughter.

"Wait! I almost forgot! Fan-tasss-tic. Rrrrack." He sounds out the words as he types them. You lose vocal control again, giggling like a child. Logically you know these juvenile jokes shouldn't be this amusing, but clearly you both have the same maturity level.

"Baby, you are my favorite pervert." Your declaration is met with haughtiness.

"I had better be your only pervert, Princess." The possessive tone straightens your spine with shock. "You are mine!" He growls fiercely.

Everything is quiet for a very long minute. You seem to have consumed every butterfly, hot sauce, and poprocks-and-cola mixture on the planet when you weren't paying attention.

You think about all the gifts. Designer purses, specially tailored clothing, the six pairs of redbottoms you now own, how the last ring he gave you still twinkles up at you from your right hand (he took great pleasure in ensuring it fit your middle finger so you can still be pretty while you flip him off).

You remember all the places he has taken you. The Michelin starred restaurants, that hole-in-the-wall Mexican place where they know him by first name is your favorite, the stupid stores he wanders through with you, the cheesy tourist traps where he always gets you a hideously clichéd souvenir.

Your memory flashes through a slide show of his laughter. Gleeful giggles at your horrified reaction to the neon orange lipstick he presented in Sephora. His wheezing delight when you gagged on the seaweed appetizer he shoveled into your mouth before you could object. The gentle, knowing chuckle when you pulled TMP out of your bag to take a nap two weekends ago.

You realize he is entirely correct.

"Yes I am, Diego." Is your quiet confirmation.

"Bicki. I." He seems startled. You stay silent and let him gather his thoughts. The swallow is audible before he continues hesitantly, "I will see you this weekend, mi amor?"

All the ways this man says 'I love you' are so many more than just the actual words. Your pleased smile stretches your cheeks so far it hurts.

"Yes please!" Your shameless request ends in a yawn. "Sorry."

"You need to sleep for work, Princess. I have one last meeting here then I will be there tomorrow."

You wish he was here now but keep that to yourself.

"OK, let me know when you're here."

I am so not wearing panties under that new maxidress for the flight up and demanding that he pick me up personally. Yes. A perfect plan. You amuse even yourself with your scheming.

"Be careful tonight, Diego. I want you to come home to me." The thought of anything happening to him crushes your throat.

"I, I want that, too. Love you." All comes tumbling out of him in a rushed confession of quiet hopefulness. It makes you so happy that tears well up again. Fucking stop this, woman.

"Love you. Bye, baby." You whisper warmly, hoping he can feel even an ounce of how deliriously happy he makes you.

"Goodnight, Princess." The reply is sighed, full of self-conscious relief and pleasure. His rough voice is so calm and soothing that you nod off before the line disconnects, face tucked into his miniature proxy.

…………………………...

Incoming text

Friday 12:09am

From: Murder Panther

🥰💋��💯🔜

#damnit diego #murder panther #24 fucking 7 hours in this house #the feeeeeels #zash writes #i hurt myself with this one guys #safewords aren't just for physical stuff

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years ago

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Survey #435

from yesterday, don’t feel like updating the answers. :^)

When you get married what do you think you’ll put most of your focus and money into? Uhhh. I really don't know... I mean maybe doing all I can do avoid debt? That's what my parents mostly argued about, and I know financial strain can really affect a couple. I never want that burden. Who in your life causes you the most stress or negative feelings? My damn self. Have you ever had a teacher that also taught your parents? No; my parents didn't grow up here. Wait! I THINK Mom had one of my college professors? I don't recall for sure, and I definitely don't remember who it was. Are you the type of person who seeks out revenge? Nah. Are there any songs that inspire you? Certainly, such as "Life Won't Wait" by Ozzy Osbourne, "Get Up" by Shinedown, and more. How do you feel about celebrities getting involved in politics? Do you think that the celebrity world and the political world should be kept apart? Not at all; everyone has the right to share their opinion and should not feel like it's necessary to censor it. Let them be people with morals and beliefs, too. I'm totally fine with them CHOOSING to be quiet about controversial subjects, but they're more than welcome to share their thoughts on any topic. What is one pro of living where you do, and what is one con? What is a pro and a con of living where you wished you lived? I guess the only real pro (and this is horrible to be the first thought) is that we're under the radar; like, not really a target for terrorism or anything, lol. I'd get kinda nervous if I lived in, like, Washington D.C. or something. We have A LOT of cons: there is NOTHING to do, we're essentially a hub for crime, the scenery is boring and bland as fuck... I could go on for a long time. I'd love to live in many areas in North America, but I'll go with Alaska, since that would absolute RULE. A strong pro would definitely be the cold climate and the sights, but it would definitely be a con to me when that relentless dark era lasts for months on end. I need the sun (from inside anyway, ha ha) sometimes, because it being dark for what, half a year?, would really damage my happiness. What is your favorite episode of your favorite TV show? Referring to Meerkat Manor, it's actually the one where Mozart dies, I think, even though it destroyed my heart. I just think the writer portrayed it as so beautifully tragic, and the clips shown were so pretty. Does having others watch you do things make you uncomfortable? What sorts of things make you extremely uncomfortable if you are watched while doing them? Are there any things that give you confidence to do if you have an audience? ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY. Do NOT watch me on the computer (especially when writing), I literally will not draw if someone's watching (inevitably besides in Art classes, I think Sara is legit the only person who's watched me draw a bit), I really don't like people watching me edit photography, I'm nooot a fan of others seeing me exercise (though I kinda have to suck that up with having a personal trainer), etc. etc. Just don't watch me do anything, lol. I don't know what actually boosts my confidence if I'm being observed. Does someone in your house speak a different language on a regular basis? No. Do you follow or care about any big sports events? Not at all. Are there any activities people normally do together that you prefer doing alone? Hm. I dunno. If you are going somewhere where you’ll have to wait for a while (i.e. a doctor’s office), do you bring something to occupy yourself? My phone, yeah. How long is your favorite song? I checked, and it's almost six minutes. Do you think you’d ever want to be “internet famous”? I'll admit I've somewhat thought about it, only because my career choices are running so dry, and I'd be able to do it alone. However, I've got noooo idea what I'd actually do, and I also don't think I could handle ridicule or anything like that for any reason. Having a spotlight on me would stress me out. Who was the main cook of your Thanksgiving meal last year? My older sister. What moment in your life have you been most scared? Probably this one occasion where Dad had to pick my sister and me up from school one day and make the 30-minute drive home. Well. He was clearly in a hellish mood because he was flying. He ran stop signs and red lights, passed people illegally... I was in the passenger's seat and absolutely convinced we were going to crash. I can barely believe we didn't. Who was the last person you slow danced with? -_- Do you prefer headphones or earbuds? Earbuds. I like how they block out external sound better, and they don't hurt my ears like headphones do. What person/people do you trust the most? My mom. Who in your life do you care about more than yourself? My parents, sisters, my nieces and nephew, Sara... A lot of people, if I'm being honest. I don't value my life as much as I should. Which wild animal would you most like to have as a pet? I am DESPERATE to rescue an opossum one day. :''''( What teacher did all the high school boys/girls have a crush on? I have no idea. Have you ever felt seriously violated? No. Do you watch American Horror Story? I adore(d) the first season; it was mine and Jason's "show." We watched most of season two as well, but I lost interest in the later half of it. I haven't really watched it since, save for the pilot episode of some season I forgot. Does your hometown have any urban legends/scary stories? Not to my knowledge. What’s the scariest nightmare you remember having? Something involving my dad that I won't speak about. Pancakes or French toast? Oh my god, French toast. That sounds delicious rn. Are there any apps you’re addicted to? Not addicted, nah. Did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a child? Yes; it was a bunny holding a multicolor polka-dotted blanket. Do you still collect stuffed animals? Hell yeah. Have you ever had eggs cooked over a campfire? No. What colors of mascara have you worn on your lashes? Just black. What font do you usually use? I mean, it depends on what I'm doing. Is it supposed to appear professional? Aesthetically pleasing? It varies too much to answer this with one font. What about font colors? Usually just black, but again, it depends on what I'm writing. Are you good at making graphics or designing layouts? Ha, no. Do you put gel or mousse in your hair? No. Sleep with just one pillow? No, I use two. I am VERY uncomfortable with just one. Ever woke up crying? Yeah, from nightmares. Do you like big dogs or small dogs better? It depends on the breed and their energy level. I don't really prefer one over the other as a general judgment. Are you going to graduate high school on time? I did. Been to the zoo lately? No, but I'd love to go. :/ Now that I'd consider myself at least a pretty decent photographer, I'd love to see what shots I could take. I LOVE photographing animals with how unpredictable they are. It's like playing the lottery; you really don't know what you're going to get, but you have the chance for seriously priceless moments. Even if we could afford the trip, though, I know I wouldn't last long whatsoever with my legs being as weak as gelatine. I know especially that there's a notable incline in the path, and I'd never make it up it. I really, really look forward to the day where I can really start feeling a difference in my body thanks to the gym. Have you ever been to Mississippi? No. What did you do for your last birthday? We went to The Cheesecake Factory. Do you like to cook? No. What is the worst thing that has happened to you in your entire life? If I'm looking at the big picture and what truly damaged my pleasure in life the most, it'd be developing depression and such intense anxiety. I've given up so much and changed so negatively because of it. Do you know when your next family reunion will be? We've never had one. My family is too spread out. What is your favorite thing to do with your significant other? I'm single, but even in a relationship, I love playing video games together. I've got multiple memories of just having a great time doing that. Where is “home” for you? Wherever Mom is. Is there an animal that creeps you out? Whale sharks, maggots and other bug larvae, centipedes, many beetles, and some other bugs. What is the name of the last band you discovered? Uhhh.. good question. I admittedly don't listen to new music a lot. I tend to stick to the stuff I know. Do you prefer group projects, or would you prefer to work alone? I would rather kick my ankle against a Razer scooter than do a group project. Have you ever been to Hooters? No. Do you have a brother? What’s his name? Yeah, Robert, but everyone calls him "Bobby." Have you ever thought that your life was so bad you wanted to give up? About a billion times. I still do sometimes. Do you have a ceiling fan located in your bedroom? Yes. Have you ever been in a lighthouse? No, but I was supposed to visit one in the fourth grade. The water was way too aggressive that day, though, so we had a change of plans and went to a closer island. Hell, it might have been the better option, because it had horses. I remember collecting seashells, too, and just watching the power of the ocean hammer at the shores. It was really pretty. Have you ever been bitten by an animal? Only playfully, like by a cat. Well wait, I think my old baby iguana may have bitten me once (he sure tried to, ha ha), but I don't remember for sure. Did it rain today? Yes. It rains pretty much every afternoon here in the late summer. What was the name of the last dog you pet? Zeke, my sister's German shepherd. He's adorable. Has your luggage ever been lost at the airport? Did you get it back? No. Do you have certain friends that you hug every time you see them? I pretty much always hug my friends when I see them. I'm a big hugger. Have you ever witnessed a tornado? No, thank the fucking Lord. Who is your favorite person to talk to when you’re down? Sara. What are you listening to right now? "Blood For Blood" by Powerwolf. Can you get over people easy? Hell no. I do NOT handle loss well AT ALL. And not just romantically. What was the last thing you carried to your room? A drink. Do you drink water that comes from your sink? Only once it's been filtered. Have you ever prank called the police? That is fucking awful. No. What’s your LEAST favorite smiley? XD looks so stupid to me I'm sorry lmao xD reigns supreme. Do you like Italian food? Yeah, more than I used to. Have you ever put red lipstick on just to make lip marks on something? No. Do you watch Shane Dawson on YouTube? Isn't his career pretty much toast now? I DID used to love his videos, though. I still occasionally watch his fiance, though, and he pops up sometimes. Regardless of everything, I still think he's funny as fuck. Would you ever spend a day to see what it’s like to be homeless? NOOOOOOO NO NO NO NO. I am TERRIFIED of living on the streets someday. I want NO idea what it's like. Is the house you’re currently living in over 50 years old? I highly doubt that. Have you ever had a yard sale? Many. What is your favorite color? Baby pink. Did you have a good day or a bad day? Today was extreeeemely dull and felt like it lasted eons. Do you know anyone that has/had cancer? I sadly know maaaaany. Have you ever read somebody else’s diary? No, that is incredibly rude. Do you enjoy going to school? I hated it from start to end. Like I have good memories, but overall, I hated school. Were you a big jump roper back in the day? OHHHH YES. I almost learned how to double-dutch, even. I could jump with two ropes, but not jump in with two. Are you a local celebrity? Definitely not. Do you eat candy daily? No. I'm already fat dude, I don't need candy. I avoid candy as best as I can. Do you get nervous with public speaking? Like you would not believe. How old were you when you got your driver's license (if you have it)? I'm 25 and still don't have it. Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you they loved you? Yes. What memory are you most afraid of losing? Meh, I don't know. A lot of what I consider my "favorite" memories I'd honestly be better off losing, probably. Who accompanied you to your first concert? My mom, younger sister, and Jason. Would you rather have tickets to see your favorite band in concert, or $100 to go shopping? TAKE ME TO THE OZZY CONCERT. What do you usually eat for breakfast? It really varies. I'd say cereal most often, probably? Do you wish you were more outgoing? Yeah. Do you know anyone who wears a hearing aid? I don't think so?

#survey #surveys #random questions

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unproduciblesmackdown · 4 years ago

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comet, moon, pluto, aquila, protostar

Thank You vm

Comet- What are you currently frustrated about?

lmaooo oh you know at any given time i’m weaving this rich tapestry of continual frustrations lol.....i’d say i’m in an Upswing Period of [simmering frustration levels closer to the surface] lately too lol like earlier in the week i pushed through a day or two there more casually but then it was like ah jeez here comes the malaise. more specifically today, even just before sitting down to answer this, i emerged from the bathroom to find there was a “dog has pooped inside despite having been outside within the last 10 min” shituation, which was wonderful.....annoyed from Waking by “smh at not being able to adjust my nocturnality, still frustrated about the near success of last friday being thwarted by the dead of night hammering debacle,” & regular Antagonizing Audio issues, aka being stressed by both the [loud, alarming] type sound & the [gross textural misophonia hell] type.....earlier i was like “where is the dish sponge” (still don’t know) & went to get a new, packaged one which had been in a drawer, but that one was gone too, good that there’s no pressing need to wash dishes rn i guess.....still struggling with the “well i guess i’m trying to put myself out there Socially” attempt to find relevant public discords, being generally overwhelmed as actually talking to randos in a group is A Lot & in theory it’s like well you meet someone Specific you’d enjoy talking to & branch off from there but unfortunately you can’t just skip to that step, also i do not genuinely Expect to get to that step either way, also i am not easily finding servers in the 1st place b/c it’s like, well i talk about Interests but what am i interested in? who knows. don’t do art “seriously” enough to rly wanna discuss it much, thought abt Language Learning but one i found wants you to have a verified account lmao like, no thanks. in theory i enjoy Socializing some but in practice it is sure a trial & i have not said anything to anyone anywhere yet, just a “well, not sure what else i could do here situation,” in theory take up an In Person hobby / group to make it all easier but that’s not happening. which, i was also Frustrated remembering oh right i spent a year as measured by my personal age in 1 location, both Pandemic & other [society] problems, & speaking of Interests & Hobbies not having them, i was also >:| over something having kicked in my Math Sensibilities (aka that i like math) & wondering like, would i have enjoyed getting more into math / some particular application, who knows, same but also even more so re: other things i get the sense i’m quite Into, like learning languages & ~performing arts~, which, i at least took math / math related classes into college level courses, which is not true for those other things (took a Language Class: never, took a theatre / drama class: for 1/4 of the schoolyear in 7th grade, & prior to that, just did a scene or two of a play in english class 4th grade, & the approx decade extracurricular of ballet, which is related but of course a different thing. anyhow, annoyed that i Simply Do Not Know & hardly see opportunities to find out on the horizon, although who knows.....which is related to being frustrated about [Society] some more like, thinking about “boy how different would it be if people were guaranteed the right to Essentials For Life like housing, food, medical care, both electricity & the internet Now A Days...” like, agonizing What If there, it is all so unnecessary that It Is Like This......just now someone made an unnecessary Post lmfao thank you xkit.......oh right, i was Frustrated, with an emphasis In Aro / Ace, about Media & Life, what else is new & then, you know, musings on The Theoretical Future & One’s Personal Past that would become even more of a like, audioscape: therapy session topic, these are frustrating things. and all of this answer has been stuff i remember getting Frustrated about in the past 24 hours. Also!!! that last night i was like, i want to play scrabble, so i looked up an online game but the Computer settings are a nightmare like, as far as i could tell the Difficulty settings were mostly attuned to Average Word Length but it was like, yeah you’re playing against this opponent given this effective total familiarity with the most obscure / archaic shit in the scrabble dictionary, not even simply the like, q words / two letter words ppl might happen to know specifically for the purposes of scrabble. there was also no “new game” button?? just had to refresh the page? smh. oh lmfao! also! you Know i was frustrated thinking about Billions, the series / interest that antagonizes you, jokes on you when you hone in on the Quant where it’s like, is he just meant to be the guy who sucks, plus he’s got depression....suppose they do at least handle him w/some sympathy / nonzero Care for this Char acter, but smh at sighing about [bracing yourself for anything promising (cough riawin) to spiral into disaster one way or another, whether it turns into a joke or plot device or just something introduced / built up / demolished for ambient drama/conflict].....what else is new. the periodic cycles of Billions Thoughts lol. was just frustrated at a video’s Editing Cadence basically lmfao. i also find it grating when the word “the jab” is used in tweets re: vaccination, which i just saw, presumably in the same sort of way where i automatically dislike the phrase To Be Fair or referring to food/eating with “fill / filling” or any variants lmfao, or earnest use of the description “hearty”......some words i hate the sound of no matter what, some i hate to hear used in a particular phrase / context......need to simply stop doing things in the middle of answering this b/c it will inevitably involve Frustrations lmfaooo. oh also i was annoyed to wake up to a clear sky. where’s that overcast atmosphere

Moon- Are you currently reading any books? If so, what book(s)?

i am not, but i’ve been considering it! just inconvenient b/c a) i gotta like, choose what book/s to read, & b) i have to read via laptop, which is kind of a pain, & c) like with everything, i always tend to basically read stuff all at once, but i’m also a slow reader lmao, so it’s like, okay, i’m probably basically devoting days on end to Reading Through whatever.....

Pluto- If you could meet anyone, alive or dead, who would you meet?

another classic Fascinating Answer of “i dunno” lol, i’ve never really had a go to answer for this or anything that’s particularly leapt out.....plus re: how i tend to feel nervous with on the spot socializing, the concept of like “if you could have dinner with someone” is too much lmfao like, a waste of time, i’d simply Be Nervous my way completely through it. the only way i could think of things is like, here i go giving someone an interview, i guess, and whomst tf would i feel Prepared to talk to lmfao. relevant to interests it’s like well of course you could ask w. roland things the in depth secret jared questions, or Any questions about quant n billions, but then it’s also like, well, there’s the questions I already have an answer for lol & either you have the same answer or i have a mini monologue, not like i don’t speak in mini monologues all the time if i have something to say at all, and my Questions go like that too lmfao, a disaster already trying to ask people about pertinent Information......never able to think of things re: people who have died, i suppose there’s fun answers re: like, getting lost / unknown Historical Info......when it comes to meeting people i don’t really consider it much in advance b/c i am nervous about everything & aware that any interacting is a Challenge lmfao. whenever these things actually happen, it’s hardly always a disaster, but i’m just improvising in the end. also, i could meet people i actually know but have never met, i.e. you, who i talk to but we are Virtual & Pandemic’d & etc & so on. but i suppose that’s kind of a given lol

Aquila- Do you prefer to read books or watch movies?

i think movies are less Involved for me, like, even if it takes me 3x their runtime (or longer) to watch any videos thanks to getting distracted & stuff, still quicker than i read a book, & unless i’m watching something for the first time and/or really wanting to properly pay attention, i can do other things while putting a movie on, whereas if i’m reading that’s the One Thing i can be doing. but overall i’m like “media, what media” whichever format lol like. haven’t consumed things, don’t often think of specific works i want/plan to consume, don’t often get around to it, etc. classique.....

Protostar- Give a random fact about yourself.

speaking of classic, me struggling to recall 101 info about myself or answer not that out there Questions, but when it’s like “alright hater what are you disgruntled about now” it’s like, Deep Inhale lmfao, but [are you okay? Is Anyone].jpeg on that one as well, we are out here......uh i’m sure i’ve said it before but i’m around 5′11″? maybe 6 ft tall but that might be overdoing it. sort of Average Tall but i am always literally looking down on people lmao.....and bumping my head into a low hanging light fixture around here.....

#nothingunrealistic1 #you know that's my On Brand query lol.....the three dozen ways of annoyed i probably am / have been on any given day

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thotfuss · 5 years ago

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I kind of agree with the other Annonymous writer, I have both your ex and your feed. She apologizes for the things she did wrong and never says a bad word about you. She fully admits to things. It does feel wrong to keep calling her out as an abuser because she has been getting targeted and crucified because of your words. Is that not just as bad really? Friends and family, of course, will always take your side ALWAYS. You should listen to your heart. I am sure you loved her once.

I’ll be honest, I wrote a really angry stream of consciousness response to this, deleted it, considered not answering this at all, wrote out an actual response, told myself I didn’t owe it to anyone to explain, deleted that, and then wrote it again. Maybe this is my fault for talking about it or referencing it on here, but I never used her url or name, and I never went into detail. I saw it as me using my own blog to express my feelings, which, maybe I shouldn’t have. So I’m sorry if that’s the case. i was never “calling her out,” simply expressing my own feelings on my personal blog, i’m sorry if that was irresponsible. But I am not okay with the messages I’ve been getting lately. This is one of...5 similar ones sitting in my inbox rn? So I am NOT answering this to put my ex on blast or to target and crucify her, and I DON’T owe this explanation to anyone but for my own peace of mind I’m going to explain! (under a read more for abuse tw)

First of all, even if she DID admit to things she did wrong and apologizes for them, it doesn’t make it...not abuse? I seriously doubt she’s getting targeted and crucified, I haven’t posted her URL on here, haven’t even used her NAME, and her family and friends were extremely supportive of her and her actions when all this was happening.

It took me MONTHS to even be able to consider labeling what happened as abuse. Even after my therapist, my family, my friends, EVERYONE who knew about even a FRACTION of what was going on, had said that it was categorically emotional abuse I still felt like i was exaggerating or asking for attention. and to be honest, I still feel like that!

My ex was insecure. I wrote everything that happened off as her being insecure for SO long, because every time I brought up an issue she would say I “wasn’t supporting her,” and that I should “know how it felt” because of my own issues with mental illness. But when I look back at some of the things that happened-I went to visit my sister back in September, and when I told my ex, she threatened to break up with me if I went. She also threatened to break up with me after my sister gave me a string bracelet she’d made me before leaving for college, because my ex thought that if I put it on, I’d be “replacing her.” I wasn’t allowed to hang out with my family in any capacity unless she was there. I wasn’t allowed to have other friends, I wasn’t even allowed to spend time by myself. She got angry if I spent time on homework, if I went home to do laundry, even if I wanted to sleep. She would say I’d rather sleep than spend time with her, so I was averaging 5 hours of sleep on a GOOD night. she lived about 30 minutes away from me, and I work a lot of night shifts.

I would often go home before going to her place to change, feed my frog, etc, and she would get FURIOUS over this. She forced me to keep my location services on at all times, despite my telling her that it made me incredibly anxious and paranoid. If she saw me at my parents’ house, my apartment, the store, ANYWHERE without me having told her that I was going there, she would call me until I picked up and explained.

She forced me to put her fingerprint into my phone so that she could go through my phone whenever she wanted. When I expressed discomfort, I was told both by her and her mother (who genuinely thought everything I’m outlining was an okay way to treat someone, which made it really hard for ME to tell that it wasn’t because I was surrounded on all sides by people telling me the opposite) that if I didn’t have anything to hide, it shouldn’t be an issue. She read through old chats of mine, and got upset about things I’d said to people before I’d even MET her-telling my friends I loved them, etc. She would monitor my social media activity, and if I was active somewhere and hadn’t messaged her back in a few minutes, she would call me repeatedly until I picked up. If I didn’t pick up immediately-If I was in class, at work, asleep, etc, she would later cite that as a reason she couldn’t trust me. There was one morning where I woke up and she had turned my alarm off, and was on my phone scrolling through my phone calls and asking why I had called a certain number the day before but hadn't called her (I had called my dentist's office to reschedule an appointment.) While I was at work, she texted me calling me a fucking asshole and a cheater, based off of this situation alone.

I’m an art major, and I draw a lot! I like drawing portraits, I’ll sketch people in class, etc, and when she saw that she would accuse me of being in love with the nameless stranger I’d sketched in the coffee shop or something. She told me that the figure drawing class I was taking was “basically cheating,” to the point that I dropped out of it. She would go through my sketchbook constantly, which is something that’s very personal to me and I told her this. She once again cited that if I didn’t have anything to hide, it should be fine. She got angry at me for drawing fictional characters, even guys, which. I’m a lesbian! But she would get jealous and have a meltdown.

She CONSTANTLY accused me of looking at other girls in public, even though I truly never was. I was driving us home from somewhere once, and looked in my sideview mirror to merge lanes, and she thought I was checking out the girl who was walking by on the sidewalk and blew up at me. Multiple times, she would get upset at me while we were driving somewhere and try to jump out of my moving car over an issue such as the one I just mentioned.

She would get mad when I wore makeup to class or work, or even dresses or nice clothes. I would tell her that I just LIKED that dress, or that I just enjoyed doing makeup, and she would say I was only doing it to ‘impress other girls.’ On the other hand, she got upset several times when I DIDN’T wear makeup when we went out, because she said I wasn’t making an effort for her.

She got upset at me when I didn’t finish meals, which she said triggered her own issues. I explained several times that my own anxiety (not food-related, just general) messed with my appetite a LOT, and made it hard for me to eat sometimes.

She also gets mad when I don't finish my food, and stuff like that. I get that that's because of her eating disorder, obviously, but she still takes it out on me. All of this, when I react defensively or show that I'm hurt by her accusations, she says that i'm not giving her the "reassurance" she needs.

When I brought any of this up, she would have a melt down and cite her insecurities and mental health issues. I have major anxiety and depression issues, I've been hospitalized for it before and go to therapy once a week and am also on a lot of medication for it. When I had depressive episodes, bad days, or anxiety attacks, she would often get mad at me, and said I was sulking, or she said that it must mean I didn’t love her because she didn’t make me happy enough. I usually ended up comforting her over it.

On the anxiety note, I also tend to break out in a rash on my chest and neck when I'm anxious, and I will clarify that this looks NOTHING like hickeys. My neck gets red and blotchy, and I get itchy. when this happens, she LOST it every time without fail, melting down and telling me over and over "stop lying! just tell me who it was who did you do this with," etc, etc.

She told me that if we broke up, she would probably let her own mental health issues get worse, and would stop eating all together. She also flat out LIED about this when I brought it up later, saying that I was the one who had threatened to hurt myself if we broke up. She told me this, and other people this, and made up similar stories, so much that I started to believe it. I was apologizing for my own existence by the end of it, for every word out of my mouth, I was going crazy. I didn’t even REALIZE how bad it was, until I mentioned to my sister that I hadn’t driven the 30 mins over to her house one night due to the bad weather, and she had called me and called me until I picked up, forced me to send her pictures of the roads(?) and then said she’d “rather have someone who would drive on bad roads for her.” This wasn’t even near the worst thing that had happened, but the fact that my sister CRIED over that made me take a step or two back. And I left. Like...a few weeks after that. and it was HARD, it was the hardest thing I”ve EVER had to do, because i GENUINELY thought I was condemning someone to die. Like she fucked me up that bad! I still feel guilty. But I did it! She told me that nobody else would ever love me like her, that nobody would accept my mental health issues, etc, but guess what! I did it!

And she STILL tried to contact me, refused to leave me alone, showed up at my WORK with a letter and flowers wanting to work it out (and sure she says this was romantic, whatever, but she forced me to unblock her number and hug her and now cites that as me “still feeling the same”) and made like...several different accounts to message me on here after I kept blocking the new ones she made.

I have NO idea what she’s saying about me, and I don’t care. I want more than anything to move on. I hope she’s happy, I do! I get really, really, angry about it sometimes and I feel horrible for the way her isolating me made me cut off some very important people in my life. I’m still hurting, but i’m HAPPY. I want to move on, I don’t want this to be who I am, it doesn’t define me and I’d love to move on and meet other people and not have this fucking haunting me! And she keeps finding ways to bring it up. I wish her no ill will, and I”m not saying she’s a bad person. I’m not! But I am entitled to my feelings in the matter, I”m allowed to say that it sucked, I’m ALLOWED to say that it was abuse because there are things that happened that I haven’t even told my therapist, because it’s too hard to think about. I’m allowed to move on. Please, please allow me to move on.

I’m not going to answer anything else about this, maybe I shouldn’t have talked about it in any capacity on here, maybe that’s my fault. But please stop messaging me about it.

#abuse

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whatamievendoingherern · 4 years ago

Text

TALKING TO EXPLOSION BOY (BNHA)

Cat: Lil floof and if you squint, angst

Agender! Reader was nervous about their internship with Thirteen already, but throw in the sparky porcupine? Anxiety maxed out. But surprisingly, he just isn’t as explosive as usual. (Reader has a fire related quirk)

Y/N remembered when they first decided to try out for cross country.

It was the summer before 8th grade when they vowed to make themself into a person they could like. Their sister had given them a ride to the school, they’d retied their sneakers about fifteen times on the way, and they’d practically had a death grip on that poor plastic water bottle.

They’d been so nervous that they refused to get out of the car. They remembered knowing absolutely nobody on the team, feeling so socially inept because they hadn't talked to anybody all summer. It wasn't until their sister reassured them that they finally found themself unlocking the door.

That's what they thought internships were gonna be like.

But rather than the hellish experience their middle school self endured, it was quite different.

They chose to intern with Thirteen to learn how to use their quirk in rescue scenarios. Thirteen, who they’d recently learned went by xe/xyr pronouns, was a pretty nice person, who took their wall of awkwardness and formality into consideration.

Y/N was finally letting the wall drip down a bit, allowing Thirteen to see their real personality. And the acceptance was nice.

That's why they didn't really mind it when Thirteen said xe needed to drop by Best Jeanist's agency. Something to do with the author and plot lines.

So they followed Thirteen through the building, politely smiling at the passersby they happened to make eye contact with. The two stopped at a door in the building, pushing it open, and just like that feeling of finding someone you know in your home town, Y/N felt like they’d been smacked with frying pan.

Bakugo and Y/N made eye contact from both sides of the room, a silence as his hair sprung back to its normal state.

Oof.

If the rest of the Bakusqud were here, Y/N probably would've been able to sneak in a laugh under Mina, Sero, and Kaminari’s cackling, but alas that was not the case. And despite the self destructive ramblings of Y/N’s rather common mental breakdowns, they valued their life.

Best Jeanist sighed as though this weren't the first time this occurred, flicking his comb into his pocket. "Thirteen." He said in greeting. "What brings you here?"

"I just need to do some touch ups on the paperwork for the collab takedown we did last week. Turns out the villains quirk wasn't energy mutation." Xe replied, while Y/N suddenly begun to wish they had Hagakure's quirk instead as Bakugo’s eyes burned into their skull.

"Is that your intern?"

Uh oh.

"Yep," Thirteen said, pushing Y/N forward much to their dismay. "They’ve got quite the quirk."

Best Jeanist hummed in response, having been there in the stadium. He remembered sending them an invite to intern with him after the festival, but he supposed they were searching for something specific.

"You two are in the same class right?" Best Jeanist asked. Y/N stiffened as he acknowledged Bakugo's presence. Without waiting for a response, he carried on, "You two stay here. Thirteen, the reports in my office."

And despite every cell in their body yelling at the two to stay, the door closed behind the two leaving both Bakugo and Y/N in immediate discomfort.

Silence.

Y/N looked around the room at anything and everything except for Bakugo. They spotted a chair, the only other one in the room placed right across from the blonde porcupine.

With an internal groan, they shuffled over to the chair, sitting uncomfortably still as they pulled out their phone. They stared at the screen, pretending to be doing something while attempting to negotiate a ceasefire with the whatever deity above was listening.

Whatever I did to deserve this, I am so sorry. It'll never happen again, bro, just get me tf outta here rn before my soul skrrt skrrts from my body-

Oh no, now their nose was itchy. The temptation was there, but the risk of drawing attention was even greater. Were they gonna sneeze? Were there tissues in here? Jeez did hearts always beat so loudly? And what is up with the whole breathing thing? It sounds like there's gonna be a whole goddamn tornado-

"Hey. Depressed Flambé."

Y/N hesitantly looked up from their screen, wondering if they placed their funeral plans in an obvious enough location. Top left drawer of their dresser, beneath their will. Dang they forgot to write if they wanted red camellias or white camellias. Surely class 1-A would know they were a red camellias type of lad. And they had to change the song from "Thriller" to "E-Girls Are Ruining My Life", ya know, get with the times-

"I know you're avoiding me. Your damn phone isn't even on." Bakugo's brash voice said, and they suddenly felt like dropping an anvil on their head.

Y/N gave a smile that may as well have said, "I've been caught" and tucked the phone into their pockets where their hands could fidget out of view.

Silence.

Depressed Flambé, Y/N pondered.

They hadn't thought they had a nickname, they figured since they had barely interacted with him all year that they were in the clear.

Guess not.

Their thoughts and the room stayed radio silent for a bit before they hesitantly spoke up, "Trying out a new hair style?"

"Mention it to the rest of 1-A and I’ll kill you!" He barked defensively, huffing when he saw them flinch almost unnoticeably. "He won't let me patrol with him until I 'reform my appearance' or some bullshit like that."

Y/N nodded, though they didn't really see much difference. He was intimidating either way, one just made him look a little more idiotic. "Some bullshit sounds about right." Y/N replied, trying to let themself relax.

Bakugo seemed content with their response, and once again the two fell into silence. And just like a hand reaching out, they felt their voice wanting to come out, to keep talking, but maybe he didn't want to. Maybe it'd be better to take the chance and have no regrets later? But what if he just told them to shut up? They probably would never get over that. It was probably best if they-

"How's your internship?" Bakugo asked, clearly uncomfortable with asking the question. He wasn't even making eye contact which was supposed to be Y/N’s thing.

By the author's grace, was this the power of those behind the divine fourth wall?

"It's good!" Y/N said, a little too quickly for their liking.

Stupid social anxiety.

"Um, Thirteen's trying to teach me how to use my quirk in rescues." They added slowing their words, before their voice lowered into a murmur. "I just kind of wish I knew that they don't really teach fighting techniques."

"Well why don't you teach yourself?" He asked.

Why do you have such good hearing, they thought. "I mean I tried a while ago, but I wouldn’t know where to start."

"Is the phone you were using to avoid me just for show or can you actually use it? Just look some up or walk yourself to a library."

OML THIS IS A HISTORICAL MOMENT HE GOT THROUGH A SENTENCE WITHOUT CURSING OR INSULTING ANYBODY IM SO PROUD OF YOU, BRO, WE NEED TO CELEBRATE THIS MOMENTOUS OCCASION- "I guess that make sense." Y/N replied, sheepish but surprised.

They really thought it would be like that first day at cross country. Like everyone would be looking at them, judging them, ostracizing them. But it was all their head, just as it was then, just as it was now.

There was a gap of (you guessed it) silence, but this time it was less awkward, more...comfortable.

"It's too bad, Best Jeanist, isn't what you thought he would be." Y/N said.

He hummed in response.

"It seems more like he's trying to change you than train you." They thought aloud.

"It's annoying. I wish he'd finish this damn haircut, so I can skip to the fun part, and kick somebody’s ass."

Y/N snorted audibly. "If it's about getting it to stay, I think I can help."

Bakugo raised an eyebrow, which before may have had them thinking they were on his kill list, but now not so much. "You do hair?"

"I mean, I take care of mine almost every morning, and I'm pretty good with gel at this point so why not?" They shrugged.

"Hurry up then, I don't want to have to do this for any longer than I have to."

"Your hair is surprisingly soft."

"Shut up, Flambé!"

"Seriously, what conditioner do you use?"

"I WILL BLOW YOU UP RIGHT NOW!"

•••

"Thanks for stopping by Thirteen, it's been nice." Best Jeanist said, as the two stepped out of his office.

Thirteen replied. "No problem. See you around."

The two turned to the other duo and though neither visibly shown it, the surprise remained present.

"Did you do his hair?" Thirteen asked in mild confusion.

Best Jeanist was past the point of mere confusion, he was borderline baffled. "You fixed it?!"

Y/N tucked away a comb granted by the author, "Magic."

"Are we gonna patrol now or what?" Bakugo asked, a grin tugging at his lips.

Even though it looked borderline evil, Y/N was still pretty proud they made him smile. Even if he looked like he was about commit a homicide.

A/N Feel free to hit me up via anything if you have any requests. Whether it’s headcanons, scenarios, or different pronouns lemme know! I really like writing these and wanna make everybody feel ✨comfy✨💕

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crystals-and-cosmos-blog · 5 years ago

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Intro to the 7 Chakras

The Chakra system originated in India between 1500 and 500 BC in the oldest text called the Vedas, according to this ancient Hindu scripture the human body has 7 energy points that start at the base of your spine and expand to the top of your head. You have more than your physical body, the chakra system can be thought of as your “energy body.” When one of these chakra points are out of balance, it can cause disease within the body, and the symptoms can be mental, physical, emotional or spiritual. These 7 chakras that originated from eastern medicine happen to align with modern medicine and are known as our Endocrine System. Yes, our chakras have much to do with the human body’s glands. A variety of health problems may be caused by Chakra Imbalances affecting the associated Endocrine Gland and resulting in illness. Whether a chakra is overactive or underactive it can cause problems within the body. When you balance your chakras you will have control of your mental and spiritual health as well as your physical health.

So what are each of the 7 chakras? They each serve a specific purpose and are interconnected. If one is imbalanced, you will not achieve true alignment and optimal wellness. The lower level chakras are more “physical” chakras that deal with you as an individual - the upper chakras are “spiritual” chakras that focus on higher dimensional frequencies. Let’s begin with the Root chakra located at the base of your spine.

1. Root Chakra or Mūlādhāra (Sanskrit)

Translation: English: "root and basis of Existence."Mula means root and adhara means basis.)

Largely responsible for how safe/secure you feel - based on your physical environment.

When out of harmony we don’t trust our environment and feel in danger

Feelings of basic/primal needs not being met: Food, water, shelter, clothing, love, etc.

Color: Red Element: Earth Affirmation: “I am.”

Location in the body: Base of spine / in between genitals & anus

Glands: Adrenals

Affected Physical Body Parts: Spine, legs, bones, feet, rectum, immune system, large intestine, teeth

Lesson: To feel safe in your environment, to be able to ground yourself, manifest basic needs, and practice healthy physical sexuality.

Physical dysfunction: Chronic lower back pain, poor posture, sciatica, problems with veins/blood flow, rectal tumors and or cancers, hemorrhoids, constipation, arthritis, immune-related disorders, depression, weight fluctuation.

Mental/ Emotional dysfunction: the ability to provide life’s necessities, provide for your family, group safety security, feeling like you belong in a group, the ability to stand up for one’s self.

Keywords for imbalance: Fear, guilt, shame, depression, abuse, neglect, unsafe, dangerous

-Natural healing-

Crystals: (Most Red stones) Ruby, Garnet, bloodstones, hematite, obsidian, onyx, black tourmaline, red jasper, smoky quartz, fire agate.

Essential Oils: Myrrh, sandalwood, patchouli

2. Sacral Chakra or Svadhishthana

(Sanskrit: स्वाधिष्ठान, IAST: Svādhiṣṭhāna, English: "where your being is established.""Swa" means self and "adhishthana" means established.)

Deals mostly with sexual/reproductive organs and activities, but also emotions and creativity.

Can become unbalanced due to unexpressed anger - stifled creativity - feelings of shame/guilt - and dealing with feelings of lack or scarcity of money or material goods.

When in balance you will cultivate healthy relationships, be in touch with your inner emotions, express sensuality in a positive/healthy way, and easily cultivate abundance.

Location: 2 inches below the navel

Element: Water Color: Orange Affirmation: “I feel.”

Glands: Ovaries, testicles

Physical body parts affected: womb, genitals, lower vertebrae, pelvis, appendix, bladder, hip, kidneys

Life lesson: Use your emotions to connect to others without losing your own identity. Freely express creativity and healthy emotional sexuality.

Physical dysfunction: Chronic lower back pain, sciatica, gynecological problems, pelvic pain, impotence, frigidity, uterine/bladder/kidney problems

Emotional/ mental dysfunction: guilt/ blame, shame, negative money mindset, negative outlook on sexual relationships, hypersexuality, low sex drive, problems with power/control/dominance, creativity/ problems with expressing one's ideas, honor in relationships

Possible causes of energy blockage: sexual abuse/trauma, r*pe, harassment, gender issues, body dysmorphia/dysphoria, p*rn addiction, shame or repressment of sexuality, stifled creativity.

Crystals: Carnelian, amber, moonstone, coral, orange tourmaline, Sunstone

Essential Oils: ylang-ylang, lemon, patchouli, rosewood, sandalwood

3. Solar Plexus Chakra or Manipura

Manipura translates from Sanskrit as "resplendent gem" or "lustrous gem"

The 3rd Chakra or “Power Chakra”

Location: Above Navel / Solar Plexus (beneath ribcage)

Element: Fire Color: Yellow Affirmation: “I can.”

Glands: Pancreas, Adrenals

Physical body parts affected: Abdomen, Stomach, Intestines, liver, gallbladder, spleen, middle spine

Life lesson: To experience the depth of who we are as individuals

To live your life’s purpose

To feel empowered and have good self-esteem

Physical dysfunction: Arthritis, Digestive issues, gastric ulcers, eating disorders, diabetes, indigestion, fatigue, hepatitis, nerve pain, weight issues, metabolism issues, cancers/tumors in the digestive system, etc.

Emotional/ mental dysfunction: trust issues, fear, easily intimidated, low self-respect or self-confidence, sensitivity to criticism, phobias, self-esteem issues, self-harm, depression, inactivity/ stagnant energy, etc.

Possible causes of energy blockage: Repressed anger, dominance/submission issues, problems with working on a team, controlling personality, instability with money, lack of passion for career/ purpose, childhood trauma, many failures, codependency, addiction, etc.

Crystals: Citrine, amber, yellow topaz, tiger’s eye, yellow agate

Essential Oils: Lemon, lemongrass, lime, lavender, rosewood, rosemary,

4. Heart Chakra or Anahata

Anahata (Sanskrit: अनाहत, IAST: Anāhata, English: "unstruck") In Sanskrit, anahata means "unhurt, unstruck, and unbeaten".

Location: Center of Chest

Element: Air Color: Green Affirmation: “I love.”

Glands: Thymus

Physical body parts affected: Heart, chest, lungs, circulatory system, shoulders, breast, ribs, lymph nodes, diaphragm, veins, etc.

Life lesson: To experience empathy, compassion, and unconditional love for one’s self and all other beings.

Physical dysfunction: heart disease, heart attack, asthma, allergies, lung cancer, lung disease, pneumonia, breast cancer, high blood pressure

Emotional/ mental dysfunction: Inability to love, hatred for others, resentment, grief, self-centeredness, loneliness, trust issues, inability to forgive

Possible causes of energy blockage: repressed heartache/grief, trauma, negligence, a victim of abuse, unhappy relationship, poor relationship with immediate family, lack of support of friend group, isolation

Crystals: Rose quartz, emerald, peridot, other green stones. Essential Oils: Rose, bergamot, ylang-ylang, Melissa, palmarosa

5. Throat Chakra or Vishuddha

(Sanskrit: विशुद्ध,: Viśuddha, English: "especially pure")

Location: Throat

Element: Sound Color: Light Blue Affirmation: “I speak.”

Glands: Thyroid

Physical body parts affected: Thyroid, parathyroid, throat, neck, mouth, gums. esophagus, teeth, hypothalamus, neck vertebrae, arms, and hands

Life lesson: To speak and receive the truth. To express yourself freely.

Physical dysfunction: Raspy or sore throat, mouth ulcers, gum difficulties/disease, stiff neck, scoliosis, swollen glands, thyroid problems

Emotional/ mental dysfunction: Strength/will, personal expression, following one’s dreams, using personal power to create, ability to make decisions, addiction, judgment, faith.

Possible causes of energy blockage: suppressing creative talents, difficulty expressing one's self, not feeling safe to freely express, swallowing words

Crystals: turquoise, aquamarine, celestite, lapis lazuli, blue kyanite

Essential Oils: Lavender, rosemary, frankincense

6. Third Eye Chakra or Ajna

Ajna translates as "authority" or "command" (or "perceive") and is considered the eye of intuition and intellect.

Location: Forehead, between brows

Element: Light Color: Indigo Affirmation: “I see.”

Glands: Pineal

Physical body parts affected: Brain, nervous system, eyes, ears, nose

Life lesson: To use insight and intuition

To see past the physical world and access higher dimensions

Physical dysfunction: Brain tumor/hemorrhage, stroke, neurological disturbances, blindness, deafness, full spinal difficulties, learning disabilities, seizures, headaches, blurred vision, memory loss,

Emotional/ mental dysfunction: self-evaluation, truth, intellectual abilities, feelings of adequacy, openness to ideas of others, emotional intelligence

Possible causes of energy blockage: A lack of trust in one’s intuition or ability,

Crystals: Lapis Lazuli, amethyst, fluorite, clear quartz

Essential Oils: Lavender, frankincense, sandalwood

7. Crown Chakra or Sahasrara

(Sanskrit: सहस्रार, IAST: Sahasrāra, English: "thousand-petaled")

Location: Top of Head

Element: Thought Color: Purple, white, gold Affirmation: “I know.”

Glands: Pituitary

Physical body parts affected: Muscular system, skeletal system, skin, central nervous system

Life lesson: To experience the divine meaning of life.

Physical dysfunction: Energy disorders, depression, chronic fatigue, apathy,

Emotional/ mental dysfunction: Ability to trust, values, ethics, courage, selflessness, ability to see the big picture, faith, inspiration, spirituality, devotion.

Possible causes of energy blockage: lack of trust in the divine or the universe, lack of faith, distrust, believing in the worst possible outcome, manifesting negativity

Crystals: Amethyst, clear quartz, moonstone, selenite, white topaz

Essential Oils: Frankincense, peppermint, sandalwood, lotus

#chakras #spirituality #holistic #health #mentalhealth

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inlleaa · 5 years ago

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I'm about to get really cringy and put out a theory about fnaf rn that someone has already probs talked about.

So uh you guys know how candy bots story's always consisted of five things in some kind of box or cage other then the keys story? And that in these stories, particularly the kitten story it was the MC had to chose one thing out of the five to do something and ultimately ended up failing and getting an even worse ending yada yada. But I want to focus particularly on the kitten story, in this one the boy had to feed his snake, he didn't have a choice, and it had to be one of the kittens.

Thinking about that symbolyzm is crazy because, kittens usually represent like innocence, whereas snakes typically represent bad things. What I'm thinking is that maybe the snake in this story represents William Afton and the Five kittens represent the original five kids he killed. How I am looking at it is that William somewhere in his twisted mind did not want to kill the kids but felt that he had to because serial killers be crazy, but since he didn't want to, he only killed one at first instead of all five at the same time like many people say. Many times murderers go in to a state of depression after the high of a kill and in this stage I think this is where Afton felt guilty like the boy in the kitten story did. So in his state of depression ridden guilt, he tried to save the kid by building a animatronic (or maybe adjusting one to make it able to handle the child??) He put the child in the animatronic and was content with the idea that he had saved them. Then after since it's pretty obvious that Afton is insane, he felt the need to kill again. The process of it all repeated. He would kill a child feel guilty and then put them in animatronic out of guilt over his actions.

In one of the others stories it mentioned a MC possibly doing things over the span of five nights? Maybe? So what I think happened is that these killings happened over five nights. I know that's a little weird because how would Afton be able to kill then go through the whole depression stage and then rebuild a new animatronic for the dead kid just to relapse and do it all over again. But honestly, if my theory is right then Afton is a very mentally insane man meaning his actions and moods are almost bipolar in nature. One minute he will be a crazed killer that needs to kill a child to satisfy himself and then the next he is a guilt ridden man trying to save someone from his own mistakes. He also was able to build the sister location animatronics proving that he knew how to handle building animatronic and adjust them. I think he was the one who built the animatronics but I'm still new to the lore and all so I'm not certain. Honestly this theory is coming from the endless amount of research I have put into the pyshci of serial killers.

Basically what I'm saying is that each story had a key into what William dealt with as he killed these kids and stayed in the animatronic business. Each story has something to do with have five things and having to chose one. What is a little murky is the differences between the kitten story and the other two. In the kitten story the MC chose one in the other two the MC didn't want to chose one and so they tried to combine all five to save something and failed. I'm not sure what that really is supposed to be symbolizing but if anyone has an explanation I'm down to hear it. My first thought is maybe something to do with Mangle or Enerd? Who both somewhat seem like combinations of multiple animatronics but with Enerd, he presumably was an unfinished project and then continued building himself until what ever happened in the end of the game. I won't even get into that cuz that's its own theory for another day but I'm not entirely sure because both stories seem to call back to Afton and his killing of the five children.

Candy bots stories are chalk full of symbolism and I may be way off with my personal theory but I genuinely think they all relate back to Afton as well as the other games relate back to other parts of Afton's life. I could honestly go on for days just brainstorming this but I gotta a life to get back to and play throughs of the new halloween VR add on to watch. So uh if you guys have any add on or theories to add in then don't be afraid to comment them I'm really interested in figuring this all out.

#fnaf theory #five nights at freddy's #fnaf pizza sim #fnaf pizzeria simulator #william afton #purple guy #fnaf 6 #fnaf #fnaf pizza sim theory #theories #fnaf vr #fnaf vr halloween

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thonars-blog · 5 years ago

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i am about 30% sure that some of you haven’t played fe4 and fe5, so here’s a quick about for her:

-so shes the granddaughter to duke reptor of friege in grannvale, one of the people conspiring to fuck up shit for the prince bc even though hes prime minister of grannvale, no one listens to him. also is the guy that starts the war in issach with the help of some loptyrian priests -arvis conspires with reptor at some point then kills him but still gives land in manster to their family -so after her pops located her auntie tailtiu, he forced her and her child back to their place, where his wife began beating on tailtiu. ishtar is known for keeping her little cousin safe from her mom bc her mom is the garbage white lady to say “i have a cousin in power” - shes engaged to julius and i guess were all fine and dandy till that little bitch got the book of loptyr, nuked his mom with a demonic bomb and tried to do the same to his sister before she ran off. -she still really cares about julius, and in thracia 776 shes like ‘i gotta help him bc hes not himself rn’ by genealogy shes just kind of depressed to the point to where its one big fuck it moment. - its bc julius is also threatening to kill her personal guard bc the damn brat thinks that the guard is in love w ishtar, and then julius is constantly like “yeah were gonna marry and youre gonna give me a bunch of kids” to which shes like get me out of here. -bc julius is possessed he needs human blood and what better way than kids? so hes eating kids like jolly ranchers basically. -ishtar says no and basicaly is the only one out her family besides like her two cousins to say no and free the kids. -you know despite this good juice you cant recruit her bc ur murdering her family and shes like well i gotta stick by them and just kinda fights you instead. -endgame she dies bc she takes the last of her army and comes to fight you. its unknown why she does this but its likely bc it was a form of suicide. -she really does just stan arvis.

#tw: suicide mention /#*. julius stop sucking the blood out the damn kids. / ooc.#she is of the camus archetype so if ur into that stan ishtar.#shes really interesting bc shes just a good person #so play jugdral or be my friend so i can stream jugdral for you

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rose-of-pollux · 6 years ago

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And another MFU blurb

Written for today’s short affair prompt at Section VII.

Summary: In which Illya is lost in the snowy mountains, but Napoleon manages to come to the rescue--with a pun, as well. Takes place in the second year of the partnership.

This version is light slash; gen version is on my dreamwidth.

Not cross-posting this because I’m just too lazy rn.

Illya was glad that he had some amount of natural resistance against the cold, having grown up in the cold regions of Europe. Countless days in the ice and snow had prepared him for missions in the bitter cold—and quite often, he would be the one selected for these missions. That didn’t mean that he was completely impervious to the cold, of course; there was always the chance of something going wrong—something not according to plan. And this was just one of those times.

THRUSH had pursued him into some snowy mountains—in the middle of winter, no less. Though he had successfully eluded his captors, Illya was left at the mercy of the elements, with only his basic winter gear and a dying communicator; he had managed to get out one transmission before the device had drained from the cold.

Left with no other options, Illya tightened his coat around him and pressed onward; though he hoped his transmission listing his coordinates had been received, he knew he couldn’t bank on it and would need to survive the cold now as he had done countless times in his youth as a child trying to avoid capture in the aftermath of the Battle of Kiev.

Illya had just been digging in the snow to create a depression to conceal himself from the winter winds as much as possible when he heard the approach of someone’s footsteps on the snowy ground.

He concealed himself in the half-dug depression, waiting to see whether the new arrival was friend or foe. As the figure drew closer, however, Illya could only stare. In the dim moonlight, he could discern Napoleon Solo, wrapped in a thick, synthetic fur-lined coat, clearly searching for something or someone—in this case, he was no doubt searching for Illya, who stared, gobsmacked, for a moment.

“He is here…?” Illya asked, quietly, as though talking to no one in particular, other than himself.

It wasn’t that Illya had doubted his partner’s skills in surviving the cold. No, it was that he knew Napoleon so well—his partner in every sense of the word. Napoleon hated the cold, nowhere near as used to it as Illya was and avoided it whenever he could. But in spite of his lower cold tolerance, his tendency to complain about the cold, and his general penchant for seeking out places of extreme comfort when not on a mission, he was here now?

Illya struggled to get up; he was quite fatigued from his efforts at eluding THRUSH, and he was extremely shaky on his feet as he stood.

“Napo…!” he began, but his voice was lost in the wind.

Nevertheless, it was enough; in mere moments, Napoleon was at his side, extending an arm to help him up.

“It is not that I am not grateful, but… How did you get here?” Illya asked, temporarily forgetting his own weariness.

“I dropped in—quite literally; I parachuted in,” Napoleon said, trying to give his trademark grin, but failing as the wind blew harshly onto his face. “We got your message—a bit scrambled, but I was able to fill in the blanks. I insisted on finding your exact location first, and now I can send for an extraction team.”

“Ordinarily, I would have words regarding that terrible pun, but I am too glad to see you again to do so—for now, anyway.”

“The cold becomes you,” Napoleon said, leaning over and kissing him.

Illya sighed inwardly; somehow, Napoleon’s lips were still warm. Perhaps he hadn’t been out in the cold for that long—or perhaps Illya was colder than he realized. Regardless, Illya could feel a warmth growing in him once again.

“…Thank you, Dorogy,” he said, softly.

Napoleon smiled.

“I saw an abandoned silver mine as I landed; we can take shelter there and wait for the extraction team.” He drew Illya to him as he led the way. “…I don’t know how you lasted this long out here in this mess, but I’m grateful you did.”

His voice quivered slightly, betraying his concern, and, suddenly, it was a whole lot clearer as to why he had so readily allowed himself to be dropped in this harsh location.

In hindsight, Illya shouldn’t have been so surprised; given the opportunity, he would have readily returned the favor by dropping into the harshest desert if that was where Napoleon had been lost.

“As am I, Napoleon,” he replied. “As am I.”

#Illya Kuryakin #Napoleon Solo #napollya #the man from uncle #mfu fic #drabble

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