#this is my very first internet friend btw. we are still in touch

[kyalinzumi]

when the conversation starts like this, you know it’s gonna be good

[irislunace]

I Love Us

Honestly, I'm so, so very glad AvA is the first fandom I've actually been an active participant in.

LONG RANT INCOMING

Throughout the years, I have "been in fandoms", but I never felt like posting my own art or works, commenting on vids (i didn't have a youtube account back then, still don't), or being anything other than a silent observer.

Back in March, when I came home from that math competition, and found AvMath in my recommendeds, and just clicked on it, I did not expect to get dragged into a fandom about stick figures, of all things. I remember watching AvPhysics directly after, then finding "Wanted", and watching it with no context. I remember going to the wiki, seeing all of the content that was made, and and binging AvM and the actual shorts and literally everything else.

And most of all, I remember thinking, "I wish I could just erase all of this from my mind and experience the magic all over again."

-

In May, I took a chance and went to Ao3. I knew it was a site to post fanfiction, but it had never been something I was interested in. But I was just curious, to see if fanfiction about this amazing fandom really existed. I didn't have an account, no; I think I just wanted to see.

There were about 1600-1700 fics on there about AvA, during that time. I didn't know how hits worked or kudos worked, but I just remember scrolling down until I could find something that looked like a lot of people had liked it.

And even then, I clearly remember the first fic I touched. "Identity", by LeenaFreeBird (I'll link it at the bottom). I absolutely loved it. I spent the rest of the month simply reading, and consuming all of the cool hcs, learning what fan terms meant, having an idea for my own fic that I thought, back then, I could never write.

Because I didn't.

I never made an account or wrote. I never left comments because part of me though people without an account wouldn't be able to, and that was just habit, at this point.

And even though I stepped slightly away from there in the months of June and July (we were in the process of moving halfway across the country, I had just watched the new Demon Slayer season, and upon recommendation had binged all of Haikyuu in a week), I always made sure to keep updated on whatever new AvA/M videos had been posted.

In August, I went back on Ao3.

SO MANY AMAZING FICS HAD BEEN WRITTEN IN THE SPAN I WAS AWAY.

I remember binging all of them for the month. I sat alone at lunch (as I was new I didn't have any friends), just reading them on my phone and getting sucked back into there.

In September AvI began. On a whim I logged back into my tumblr account that I had made like 5 years ago in 4th grade to post random rambling stuff about my life (I tagged nothing but my username wth), and redid my entire blog. I was sooo happy when one of my posts reached 100 notes.

I felt way stronger, and way braver. I joined the invite queue for Ao3, because I decided I DID want an account, and I DID want to post my own fics.

And everyone was (and is) SO NICE about it. They love my fics and posts (which I still consider really crappy, btw) to pieces, and always give me good comments. Even my bad fanart (another thing I got the courage to post during this time). Shipping wars never happen here (if they did, I wouldn't know about it). Rarepairs are appreciated, and we unanimously know the ships that should be completely illegal (not naming ship names here).

Everything and everyone is loved, and this is like the one little corner of the Internet where mostly all is safe and your opinion is valued. Sure, your fan theory may be wrong, but people here don't go and tell you "that's so stupid lol, no way that's true". They'll give you actual feedback, explain the evidence that falsifies it, or add to it because they like it.

Even on YouTube, if someone posts a yellue ship video, for example, they'll get hate, or "the color quad are just siblings lol", or "they r stickmen why are u shipping them". If someone HCs Blue as a girl (ik that's been debunked where we are at rn), they'll get a comment saying "it's stickman for a reason".

Like, let people have their opinions. Alan has never confirmed the color quad as siblings, or their origin story. I know he has said that he would like to avoid romance by not making female characters, but it's not like the people who ship yellue or grapeduo barge up to his door and demand he makes it canon. They're just peaceful, and everything that you're saying is fanon. For all we know, four different animators could have collabed on the sticksfight website and each animated a different character (not saying that's true, but we don't know).

And even with hollowhead pairs. Alan created them, yes, but how does Creator transfer to father in this scenario? We don't know, because he hasn't confirmed the hollowheads as siblings either. They still get hate on YouTube.

But Tumblr just loves everyone. The AvA community, for example, will always make you feel like you posted something good. They lift you up, not put you down. They appreciate your headcanons because it provides a new way of looking at things.

They appreciate you.

I feel so much better about putting myself out there, and I know I will do so more in the future. I now cannot comprehend how someone can see all of this content and think "they are just stick figures". No they aren't. They are stick figures with trauma, feelings, pain, heroic qualities, fatal flaws.

You, tumblr, makes me feel this way.

Thank you so much.

(I did not expect to rant about my entire journey when I was supposed to be talking about how amazing the AvA tumblr fandom is, but now that I have I'll just keep it. Here's the fic I was talking about)

[squarebracketsmileyface]

I literally am obsessed with everything about them. Do not worry about getting distracted and such and ranting about these beautiful characters.

Also it would not be polyhornets because Alex is not involved, it would be Bram!

I LOVE THIS LITTLE FAMILY!! I LOVE THE ADDITION OF JESSE!!!! I LOVE THEMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!! Those are wonderful names btw!!!! I'm tempted to give you the names of what my (Previously mentioned friend now partner lmao) named the Jam twins we made cause there is a similar naming scheme there. But also, the twins are on the internet somewhere and if you found out who I am I think I would have to hide away forever.... But still... It tempts me......... Maybe one day!

~💜

Ah thank you, Bram. I'm really bad at figuring out the ship names for these guys lol. I expect them to get longer the more people are included, and then its four letters and I'm like... huh.

Anyway, I am also obsessed. I fucking love these characters so much, thinking about the kinda post MH story for them is so special to me. I'm SO glad you like the names. I love them. I think they're so cute. And now I'm really curious what names you guys game the twins, like how similar are the names, if the naming convention itself is similar?

You don't have to tell me, obviously, but I do wonder.

I remembered more about the post MH storyline that me and my boyfriend talked about AGES ago (before I'd decided that Tim and Brian would have another kid, and before that kid was named Jesse after Jessica), which was specifically about the 'canon' way that this story goes (not the 'everyone lives' AU). Because it ended up being that like, Tim did end up getting back in touch with Jessica because she and Taylor had a kid who ended up in the same school as Birdie did I think? (small fucking world huh 💀 everyone's turning up at this damn school).

Anyway Jessica was like, picking her kid up from school and she saw Tim while he was waiting in the playground, and just kinda sidled up to him to see if it actually was, and like, sure the conversation was a bit awkward, but it was still nice. (I know Jessica doesn't remember MH in the comics but she does here, just like she has a kid here, and isn't being actively fucked with by the operator and skully lol)

Anyway, then Birdie came out of class and over to Tim, and Jessica had this little moment looking at her where she was like "god this kid looks just like Jay" and she doesn't get a chance to ask Tim about it, because then her own kid is coming out of class and they have to rush off to get to his after school club or whatever, but the next day when she sees Tim again, Jessica just quietly asks if Birdie is both Tim's and Jay's, and Tim gets like, really quiet and just gives her a tight little nod and that's the end of the conversation.

But like, over the next term or two, they slowly talk more and eventually Tim admits that Jay died at the end of MH and that he lied about it to Jessica back then because he thought it was the right thing to do. They become good friends though, and they take their kids to the part together and stuff, so Birdie has a "cousin" in Jessica's kid who she becomes fast friends with, and their little family grows. Because like, yeah they have Brian's family, but they don't get to see them super often.

Side note, Brian having a very big, very lovely family is a huge HC for my boyfriend and I. We have a whole cowboy/wild west au that ended up accidentally revolving around Brian having a huge family who are just, really really accepting of queerness. Like, Jay was a trans guy, Alex was a trans girl, Tim and Brian were gay/bi etc, and the four of them were poly, and brians mum was just like, cool, can one of you PLEASE go wrangle the younger kids for dinner??? It's great. She also makes Alex her first dress, and teaches her 'how to be a woman', like, sewing, cooking, all the stuff a lady in the 1800's wild west would need to know.

I love that woman. She's the best character in that whole AU. She treated Tim like one of her own sons because he and Brian had been friends since they were kids, except Tim was CLEARLY her favourite and she was an absolute menace (affectionately) to Brian, who was the oldest or one of the oldest out of, like, 7 or 8 kids I think.

Best au ever lol.

SPEAKING OF BRIAN ACTUALLY, you wanna know one of the ideas I went through before settling on Brian showing up as a teacher at Birdies school? I'm gonna tell you anyway so please nod.

At first, I was gonna have it so that Tim and Brian only met each other again when they were both in, like, their late fifties to early sixties. Like, Birdie would be all grown up and living with her wife (oh yeah Birdie's a lesbian and ends up with a wife) and one day Tim and Brian just, run into each other, and it takes them both a moment to place where the hell they recognised each other from, but eventually they do, and just like in 'canon' S,IL they both have a big crying reunion about it. And then it was just them being old men falling in love with each other all over again, y'know?

It was SUCH a cute idea. It was so fucking cute. I still love it.

[shortroundandeasytotrick]

The bbeg of the Never After is Homogenization.

~beware my ramble~

The erasure and sanitization of stories that then get commodidified and distributed on mass to be the "right version" of the story that then become almost the "only version" of the story. Erasing centuries of culture and influence, beliefs and experiences, real world problems that these stories portray, and replacing them with the most marketable version.

And in a way, the stories themselves end up cannibalizing their different versions to fit in as the "right version" or just the nature of time combining and losing stories over time.

Like all of the worlds and groups are from folklore. Stories that have been told over and over again, that change to fit the world and the message that needs to be conveyed. Folklore isn't supposed to have a "right version". Much like weaving, the basics of cloth weaving are very similar all over the world but what is made with those techniques, the styles and additional learned cultural practices, can be so very different or so weirdly similar you wouldn't believe they came from different places across the globe from one another.

But in our more modern era where all of our stories feel factory made, we know where they come from, they aren't "folk" in so so many ways. The closest we get to folk media these days are MEMES. They are passed around and shared, often the original poster gets lost or is not common knowledge, have real world effect and meaning, and exist mainly in a specific group culture (internet culture, tumblr culture, etc) To quote my old professor "All folklore are memes, but not all memes are folklore" Think Creepy pasta vs horror movie. Internet legends, "send to 10 friends or blank will happen to you". BLORBO is a folk term. Slang in general I believe is counted as folk based. FANFICTION IN MANY CASES IS CONSIDERED FOLKORE BTW and I find that sooo delightful.

And whats kills memes faster than anything? The commodification of it! When companies go "ooo that'll make us some money" and take it and sell it back to us for profit. Often these days it feels choc full of advertisements and versions of propaganda.

In this era of Disney overlords defining the genre of fairytales to the point that they have set the standard for what is cannon for certain stories they tell. Like the first time I found REAL fairytales I was like 9 and cried myself to sleep because they got so dark, and how were we (me and my mom) to know with how we expected the disneyfied version of the story. Ironically it could be said that the Grimm's Brothers are guilty of the exact same thing in their era, commodifying and centralizing their versions of the stories.

I could also get into the demonization of tropes (lookin at you cinema sins) because tropes are the building blocks of story telling. Common themes and elements that we recognize because they MEAN something to us.

But, and I know what site I'm on, fanfiction is a great example of taking those stories and in some ways turning them into folklore. Its not because we believe we can tell the stories better, in most cases at least, but rather that we take the elements, characters, ideas that we connect to that we love and mean something to us, and make play with it because we have our own stories to tell.

The Homogenization and restricting of what counts and what doesn't ignores the importance of the differences in the stories.

Ylfa's "right" version is a lot like how the animals describe being part of Aesop's fables. There's no nuance. There's no room for change and adaptation. And in a world ever changing, even in bad ways, you have to change to make it work. Even Gerard's "Sometimes you have to be scary in a scary world" touches on this. The barebones basic Little Red Ridinghood is unrealistic in its simplicity. And also kinda blocks out how that whole experience would still be heavily traumatic for anyone (being attacked by a wolf and seeing your granny crawl out of the wolf's destroyed body ain't pretty) , even if it is better than the experience in this life. Meanwhile the more they die, the more versions of their stories get cannibalized and lost to time. Much like how folklore and stories die when culture dies.

Also Stepmom literally consumes story elements into non existence.

Nom Nom

[inloveforevr]

how do i forgive myself for ignoring my friends' texts and reaching out to check on me, when i was very depressed and dealing with multiple crisis? I stayed away and didnt ask for support and then ghost them. I also didnt connect with other people or post on social media where they could see it and get hurt by me ignoring them.

I just laid low and licked my wounds in private. My issues were not things they could help with (like my marriage having huge fights, unemployment , being sick, my mom being hospitalized)

But i dont know if i deserve to be their friend still?

I feel so overwhelmed with guilt that i dont know how to reconnect with them or how to reply.

Especially when i read posts that say "cut out people who disappear on you" or "its time to drop ppl who dont make an effort to meet u halfway " when i read stuff like this i feel stricken with panic and i afraid that my friends will buy into this narrative or be convinced that i deserve to be cut out.

I feel ashamed and lonely.

More info: the last time we were in touch i used to be there for them and listen to them a lot and host them and take them out when i could. So im not a very useless friend (i think). But im just very bad at keeping in touch when im overwhelmed n hurt by my own life.

Please will you or your followers give me some peace? If you were in my friends' shoes, would you forgive someone like me ? Would you be okay with me reappearing after 2 months?

(Btw me and these friends all reside in different cities so these are all long distance friendships based solely on texting).

I feel so guilty i could die

Hey love, sorry to hear you’re going through all of this. And i’m sorry to hear ab all the difficulties you’re facing.

I know some people like to lay low and deal w their issues first before going to others for support. (i do the same thing!) and as a result, distancing yourself from relationships can make sense.

It’s totally understandable to feel guilty and lonely as a result of all of this.

And regarding the internet’s thinking on relationships & cutting people off - it’s so false. I think it makes sense to end a relationship when it’s abusive/unhealthy - that’s real yknow. But it’s such black and white thinking. Don’t listen to the internet. And i certainly don’t think it applies in this scenario.

You clearly value your friendships and i’m sure they value you and care ab you. Honestly? Shoot them a message, explain what’s been going on. Don’t hold back. Arrange a dedicated time to talk if you can.

We all need friends. And yeah you may feel ashamed and guilty but don’t let it prevent you from reaching out. You need a good support system around you and you don’t want to lose your friends, especially in a time when you’re facing difficulty. Support and community is essential. We all need it. We all need love.

Be honest, and tell them how you feel.

If this was my loved one, i would be concerned more than anything. I love all my friends deeply. I’d want to hear from them and ensure they are okay. I wouldn’t hold it against them if they are already going through a tough time. I’d offer them compassion & empathy.

And you’re not a bad friend. Don’t believe that thought. The fact you asked this shows you care.

Please take care of yourself. Ensure you are leaning on your support system. If therapy is available to you, it may also be worth considering. Sometimes you need a safe space to process what is going on. It sounds like you’re going through a lot of stress.

I hope it all goes well ❤️

And if any if my followers have any further advice pls add thank U!

[pushpinsheep]

Hopefully this puts things in greater perspective because some tourists just don’t get it and need to hear this. For those who are curious and looking to travel in the future I hope you find this is informative! :) We could all use more perspective on linguistics and traveling imho. I have made some of these mistakes in the past too. We can all learn to be better guests/tourists. This mindset people have that not only is it okay for tourists to exploit and mistreat local populations, but it’s something that should be encouraged is wrong. You’re not entitled to anything special as a tourist just because you have enough money to play around somewhere “exotic” for a few weeks. Regardless of where people travel to. As a guest in someone else’s home you should put more effort into not being a total asshat. You will have a better time and you might learn something cool along the way. I will mostly be using France as an example since I live here and have more insight, but everything I say applies outside of France as well. Note: This information only applies to tourists. Immigrants and refugees are a unique situation and thus face different challenges and have different needs. A tourist chooses where to go and has time (and money) to plan for their trip, which is often only a few weeks or days. Immigrants and refugees often don’t have that same luxury and remain in the country for far longer. (in many cases permanently) Moving to a country places a greater linguistic and cultural demand on an individual. Remember to check your privilege. tourism =/= immigration/asylum. A) English is not the only language in existence. It might be a widely spoken language, but it’s not the most widely spoken language (that honor goes to Chinese) nor is it the only lingua franca. Chinese, Hindu, Spanish, French, and Arabic are all widely spoken across multiple borders and where you are on the planet will obviously dictate which one of these people go with. If you expect that to be English because your sphere of the internet happens to put you in that bubble of “my language or bust” ignorance then like... that’s on you pal. Get with the times and stop assuming everyone should just speak English. English speakers are not the only tourists and English, though widely used, is not the only other language a person might need. I have a friend from Laos who speaks absolutely no English. He doesn’t need it and never has. (even now) He speaks Lao (the regional dialects can be as different as Thai is from Laotian btw), Chinese, a bit of Thai, and French because they still use a lot of French for business dealings there. (something I didn’t know ngl) Assuming he should just speak English because “everyone else does” is ignorant. It’s rude. It puts no thought into his situation. It’s entitled. He’s traveled to visit friends in England and he has an English phrase book. He doesn’t need a lot of English so like... the phrase book is absolutely perfect. Most of what he does in England is sight see and speak Chinese with his friends. Be more like my friend from Laos. B) Official languages may not be the only language a country speaks within its borders. Regional and native languages exist and expecting the locals to speak a 3rd language on top of all that is unbelievably entitled. France has a number of them. There are people who are born and raised in France who don’t speak French in their day to day life. (or at all) Basque, Breton, Occitan, Alsatian, Yiddish, Ladino, Arabic and a number of others are all spoken within French borders. Many are at risk of being permanently lost (that’s why our new regional language law is important btw) and as a result a greater emphasis is placed on preserving them as opposed to learning something new. Most people have to learn the official language as it’s the only language a lot of countries will accept for paperwork, but anything else is up to the individual and you can suck an egg if you don’t like that. (this also applies to immigrants and refugees btw) Heck there are places in the US where people don’t even speak English day to day! Some places actually speak French or Spanish. I heard more Spanish in my day to day life than I did English where I grew up in NC! (moved to Florida and Spanish exploded. loved it!) C) Borders are a thing. People working and living across borders exist and English is often not the language they chose to go with as a result. France borders Germany, Spain, Italy, Belgium, England, and Switzerland. People who share these borders often choose to go with these languages. English is in there, but please note it’s not the only one. D) Culturally speaking a country may not like [insert common language here] and as a result may refuse to speak it. That’s entirely their choice. If you don’t like that then don’t visit the country. It’s really that easy.  Colonialism is often a major factor at play in these situations. Respect that choice. You do not get a say in how people reclaim their identity. As for France? This might come as a shock to some people, but France doesn’t like England. I’m 100% certain these two places exist solely to punch each other in the nuts. (ball tap. an international past time) As a result getting English people to speak French or French people to speak English is about as easy as pulling your own teeth. I’ve been spit on for speaking English because people here just assume I’m from England or they hate “annoying Americans” and after seeing how y’all responded to the last post I made... yeah I totally get it now. Granted, that’s no excuse for someone being hostile, but it is something to keep in mind when you visit and applies to more than just France too. E) Retail workers and small shop owners don’t owe you shit. You have absolutely no right waltzing into a shop and demanding the staff speak your language (I don’t care how common it is) for the two weeks you’ve decided to play around in their home. Always ask them first. If they can’t or choose not to then tough luck. This is why a phrase book is important!

Retail workers and small shop owners get treated like shit enough. Some of y’all have never worked retail a day in your life and WOW does it show. Please respect retail workers and small shop owners. You don’t know what their day or life has been like. If they’re tired and don’t want to speak to you in a foreign language then that’s their right. I have had no issues using my phone or a phrase book to help communicate concepts when there is a language barrier. (and I fucking live in France. I’m not even visiting) Emergencies also happen and a phrase book or medical card in the native and/or official language is absolutely essential! Even if you just have an allergy to something! This is a great way to stay safe! When you visit another country being aware of and researching cultural differences includes linguistic differences. Tourists are guests. You don’t live here, you don’t get a say. Remember, learning a second language (esp if you don’t use it often) is really hard. If you’re visiting a country do not expect them to just use whatever language you speak. Mind you a phrase book is also important because people within a country may not have a strong grasp on English even if they do speak it. You can very easily get lost or injured without a phrase book to help you. These things allow you to better experience a country and communicate without actually having to learn the entire language... or any of it. And, once again, they exist for free online! You do not need to learn an entire language to visit somewhere, but you need to be prepared for there to be a barrier. People assuming I mean you need to learn a whole language are uh... really something else. Like do you guys think half the people bending over backwards to communicate with you know the full language? Go ahead. Fuck around and find out. ;) Obviously I’m not saying you should be treated poorly when visiting if you don’t know the language. Unfortunately no matter how much effort you put in there will always be someone who’s a jerk and I’m sorry for that. All I’m saying is as a tourist you owe it to yourself and others to be better prepared. Trust me. You’ll have a better time in the end. (and if you did the research you’d find that Paris is not the best first place to visit... even if you’re french lol) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GS64ZT4eWUA Please watch this guy’s video. It is hilarious and touches on a lot of the same points I just made. Thank you for your time. :) ---------------- Cultural tidbit for those who are curious about where I live in France: I live in Alsace currently! (moved from Lyon, but my spouse is from here) In Alsace you might meet people who speak English, but it’s also entirely likely you won’t! Alsace is also a very tourist heavy area because it looks like a German fairy tale and has a lot of tiny villages with cool stuff to do! I highly recommend visiting here over Paris! We have so many storks! (clackclackclack)

Our logo is a pretzel!

That being said, Alsace has its own regional language!

It’s not uncommon to see bilingual signage or to pass someone on the street and hear them speaking Alsatian. You’ll usually hear it from older people, children, or those from rural areas. It’s really fun to listen to and absolutely wild to see written on museum signs!  Kids here will start school learning French, regardless of what they speak at home, which has resulted in a downswing of Alsatian speakers in recent years. That’s why the new regional language law I mentioned waaaaaay above is so important. It’ll allow schools to teach most of the day in Alsatian instead of French with the goal being fully bilingual adults! :) As of right now, most kids here choose German or English (depending on the school) as their second language. Some kids pick Alsatian and honestly? Good for them! I’m glad!

[pinkjiminssi]

So.. About That Hickey..

I think I’m still processing all of this and reminding myself I’m not dreaming 🤣 I seriously only got 3 hours of sleep last night and when I woke up the first thing I did was check twitter to be sure this “drunk bridal-style spinning hickey neck biting proudly showing off” moment actually happened!! 

.. I hate the way my brain works though. I was so happy that it took me forever to fall asleep, spent all day on cloud 9 despite being tired, .. and then my old nemesis, anxiety, stepped in. Well kind of. TBH if all of the MOTS ON:E Jikook moments we got happened with Jimin/anyone else or Jungkook/anyone else.. I would seriously be sitting here saying “well fuck.. I believe they WERE a couple, but looking at all of this it seems they are no longer together.” So really, this just confirmed what I already knew about Jimin and Jungkook: they’re a couple. My anxiety is over.. why? Why show us this? If they can cover all of JK’s tattoos, a hickey/bite mark/whatever we’re calling it should be super easy to hide. Sure it was just rehearsal.. but it was rehearsal with cameras rolling with every intention of releasing what was being filmed as future content. It could have (and some might argue should have) been covered.

Guys... I’m confused. And concerned. ❗❗❗ TW for drama, hate, homophobia, the usual anti issues

That “official” explanation.. again.. why? I’m assuming Jimin and Jungkook were asked and allowed to explain because of the chance of it being spotted and armys freaking out, so BH (or possibly even Jikook) thought to get ahead of the speculation by just being up front about it all.. but THAT explanation? I suppose it works for covering up the army panic of “Jungkook has a girlfriend?! *insert fangirl sobbing*” .. but that’s literally all it does (and only barely if you go looking at some of the anti’s reactions to it all). Really, all it did was draw even more attention and speculation. I mean.. this is, essentially, what we were told: Jimin and Jungkook were together the night before drinking, apparently without the other members as they didn’t seem to know all of this already (and they would have if they had been there), somehow hanging out and having drinks turns into Jungkook picking Jimin up bridal style (random but some of the k-army reactions on twitter were translating through google into “princess style” and I just think that’s so cute 🥰), spinning ensues, Jimin gets dizzy and wants Jungkook to put him down, ... and so he proceeds to do the only logical thing that any of us would have done in that situation... biting Jungkook’s neck? And hard enough to leave a mark the next day?? And instead of being peeved about it (like most of us would have been if our friend bit the crap out of us), Jungkook looks happy?? proud even??? 

And they arrived together the next day and continue to be cute and playful? 

I just.. I mean.. come on. First of all.. that’s a hickey. A bite leaves teeth marks. And one would assume a wild, drunken “let me down” chomp would be something that happens suddenly and ends very quickly. I know I for sure would drop someone on their ass if they decided to take a bite out of my neck (assuming I was even picking up and spinning around with one of my friends like that to begin with.. but let’s not even get into why that was going on at this point) .. but the way this bruised? Yeah. There were no teeth involved (at least not hard enough to leave indentations) and this took more than a couple of seconds of mouth-to-neck contact to still be that visible the next day. So.. in short. Jungkook arrives with a hickey, JK decides to not cover it up (or he would have shown up with it hidden and we see him get out of the car that morning with it clearly visible), BH staff sees it and also decides to not have it covered up and actually have it explained... and the explanation is “oh yeah Jimin just bit him, you know.. no big deal hehehe isn’t that funny?” 🤯 WHAT?! Yeah.. that’s totally normal, platonic behavior between adults...

I’m not saying Jimin and Jungkook are lying btw. I have no doubt it played out more or less exactly as they said with the exception of what they’re calling the end result. Jimin and Jungkook are fine.. I mean, what were they supposed to say? They’re not going to show up saying Jimin was sucking on Jungkook’s neck the night before. We’ll probably never know why Jungkook decided to not cover it up before arriving, but it’s his body and he gets to decide. It’s BH that has me so puzzled. Other than antis and people who refuse to see what’s literally right in front of their faces when it comes to Jikook.. who were BH expecting to believe the bite thing? Just among staff and the other members, it’s a laughable but safe “oh of course *wink wink*” explanation that allows everyone to carry on like normal. But to the public who don’t know them personally, don’t know their usual behavior and patterns, and who don’t have something like a non-disclosure agreement or professional courtesy preventing them from openly speculating.. it doesn’t fly. Pretty much everyone teen and up knows what a hickey looks like (either from having gotten/given one or at least seeing one on someone else in person or online). It’s immediately obvious what it is. And even if there was some uncertainty.. that it’s on his neck (instead of other easily accessible and less sensitive/stimulating locations) and just so happens to be right near his mole as it Jimin were aiming for it? Just another “too many coincidences” thing when it comes to Jikook.

Even antis on twitter couldn’t deny what it was and, so, had to resort to the “well I do that with my sibling and my uncle’s pet raccoon all the time it’s just family things” excuse and/or the “yeah well someone ELSE in the group (or a girlfriend) gave him that and they’re just covering by saying it was Jimin.” Oh. And the same old “it’s just fan service” excuse (as if Jungkook would let someone bruise his neck for the purposes of fanservice which, again, BTS has never done or needed to do. Forever pissed off that so many in this fandom act like Jungkook is a puppet doing whatever the “evil company” tells him to do regardless of his personal feelings or boundaries. The man has tattoos covering nearly every inch of his arm despite that being looked down on in Korea. At this point he can do whatever the fuck he wants). So.. why?? Seriously, why? This all could have easily been avoided with simple makeup.

When they’re doing official content they’re all literally followed around by a flurry of staff fixing hair, dabbing sweat, touching up makeup, etc. Even though it was rehearsal, staff were everywhere in the footage that’s made its way online. If they were worried that it would be seen in the background and “taken the wrong way,” just have the staff occasionally touch up the makeup. “Easy peasy lemon squeezy.” But instead of doing the obvious, BH decides to: not cover it, draw attention to it by asking about it and letting them continue to talk about it, go out of their way to get a camera on it, and then include it in the final cut of the content they sent out?

BTS is literally the most popular group in the world right now and BH has become a behemoth of a company that runs like a well-oiled machine. They’re not stupid; this was not a mistake. For some reason they wanted us to see this and, one would assume based on the lack of a more believable explanation, they wanted us to come to the conclusion that we all have: Jimin gave Jungkook a hickey. You know they have teams dedicated to monitoring reactions to content on social media. You know they know the dialog surrounding Rosebowl, Black Swan MMA, the Memories 2020 “almost kiss,” etc. etc. All of this got “jikook,” “hickey” and variations of their names trending for HOURS (in multiple countries and worldwide). 

Out of curiosity, I decided to check the trends at the time of writing this. As of 3 AM CST (about 24 hours AFTER the clips started showing up online), there was still a hashtag trending related to all of this: #FREEJUNGKOOK.. and the tweets being directed toward BH are.. disturbing to say the least:

While I agree that the boys should trend more often based on their talents and music.. what’s going on right now is a homophobic 💩 show accusing BH of “scripting” interactions (rather than.. you know.. Jungkook interacting with whoever he wants however he wants.. the usual “mindless puppet JK” narrative), trying to coordinate the mass sending of angry emails, trying to get people to stop buying paid content, accusing BH of taking advantage of the members.. I mean it goes on and on. And BH know what’s going on right now. They’re seeing the reactions... the good and the extremely negative. And still they let this out. And this is all not even CONSIDERING the mountain of other moments that made the cut on MOTS ON:E. 

(side note, the above pic just oozes happiness and it’s so cute I love it!! 😭)

So.. even though I’ve said it dozens of times already... WHY? W H Y? I’m an anxious person by nature and not very trusting. I believe Jimin and Jungkook and I don’t think they’ve been lying and pretending for “fanservice” all of these years. I respect them both too much as individuals and artists to believe that they would stoop to such tactics just to generate a little more “interest” and revenue. I’m suspicious of BH. BTS doesn’t need fanservice to get attention; literally all of 2020 and 2021 so far has proven that beyond a doubt. Even if they suddenly made the decision to do fs.. why not go with the most popular ship (taekook) or at least one that isn’t so hotly debated on social media (remove Jimin, Jungkook and Tae from the equation and you still have four members to “play” with who have much less potential to have fs devolve into a toxic crap show all over the internet). Showing us this will do nothing to help BTS as a group or Jimin and Jungkook at this point. In fact.. all it can do is hurt. Hurt BH, hurt the group, and hurt the individual members, heck.. even potentially hurt other BH/HYBE groups. I’ve already seen people on twitter saying they’re “done” spending money on anything BH or BTS puts out because they’re “sick of jikook in their faces and just two of the seven hogging all of the screen time.” Whether or not that “spending freeze” actually materializes into anything noticeable remains to be seen of course.. but the threat is there and always has been. What is the motive? And why now? As much as my “hopeless romantic” heart would like to believe they’re preparing us for Jikook to be “out” .. I seriously don’t think that is ever going to happen. Certainly not now at the height of the group’s fame, with them being given Presidential honors and ambassador status, and with military service still looming over them all. And let’s not forget... Korea is NOT a safe place for a queer couple. Letting us see and know what they did through what was released has the potential to put Jimin and Jungkook (and the other members by proxy) in danger. Sure.. BTS has never been hardline rule followers and have been breaking molds and shattering norms from the start, so “officially” having an openly gay couple in the group wouldn’t be impossible.. just... highly highly improbable. Especially right now... and I’m concerned. I don’t want to sound like the creeps I posted a screenshot of above throwing blame at the company. The boys chose to renew their contracts with the for a reason so we have to trust their judgement as a group... but still, I’m worried and I’m questioning what the purpose was here. 

[gullethead]

what is your opinion on tamsyn muir discourse (and also what is the discourse)

THANK you. okay warning for discussion of fictional sexual assault, real life CSA (not something she did), plus 2012-era homestuck fandom typical stuff

please rb this btw, unless you dont want to, in which case dont. also if you have any corrections or additional information to consider please add by all means

disclaimer: im not in the habit of writing essays defending whichever internet personalities i like. ill admit theres potential bias, given that i read the books before i learned about this, but im really being as objective as possible and i just think people are taking a misguided or half-formed stance on this. if you still dislike her or w/e after this thats, like, perfectly in your rights. im not defending an adult woman on the internet, im explaining the facts as ive seen them and understand them. additional disclaimer that i havent experienced sexual assault at all myself

okay so tamsyn muir is currently well-known as the author of the locked tomb trilogy (aka gideon the ninth and harrow the ninth), but for a certain section of tumblr shes also well known as urbanAnchorite, and used to be a big name fan on here up until around 2014 - pretty close to everything here is going to be from roughly 2011 through 2014, except for an interview im gonna get into, so 7-10 years ago. i was only vaguely aware of her until after i got into the locked tomb and saw people talking about this. with that in mind:

so the MAJORITY of the discourse revolves around a single fic she wrote on AO3. her account has 19 works in homestuck, and some of them are Kinda Weird to Pretty Bad in retrospect, but being completely honest this is the only one that isnt completely stock standard for homestuck fandom in that time period. like if we started casting stones about ten year old fandom stuff we'd be here all day

here is the fic (warning for CSA)

in most of the posts about it ive seen, theyve described it as a "rapefic," but actually reading it, it's a lot more nuanced than that description implies. its a dark story where a grown man abuses a girl, from the man's perspective, and the story ends with him being killed by her friend. the description of the assault is treated very seriously by the story and barely even touches on any actual sex, before immediately cutting to him being killed. its lolita if humbert got shot to death; the title itself comes FROM lolita

(sidenote - it was inspired by a prompt on kinkmeme, but that doesn't really mean anything vis a vis being intended for sexual enjoyment, and according to the note actually went against the spirit of the request)

ive seen fics, lots and lots of fics, that would qualify as the term "rapefic." it tends to be pretty fucking obvious when someone is using sexual assault as a fetish, and this is Not That

tamsyn herself actually responded to this in an excellent interview early last year. she gets into some Fandom Mom type language, but essentially says what i said above. in it, she also says this:

It’s not the first time I’ve been accused of being a paedophile. I grew up gay in the nineties. Homosexuality and paedophilia were enmeshed in society’s minds. When I came out, I got told that I shouldn’t be around children. I was used to that because it was common discourse, and it hurt like all hell, but it didn’t shock me. When I got called a paedophile by Twitter I got clotheslined. My support network had to get in pronto. I was very ready to have a hot date with a length of rope, a date I have arranged and cancelled multiple times over my life. I have had lots and lots of therapy over the years for various conditions, some of them lifelong and some not, but when that Twitter call-out happened it was hard to want to live. I thought I knew so intimately what I was doing with my fiction; my therapist was always so supportive of me writing about it. I have not been open about being a CSA survivor because, again, I grew up in the ‘90s. ‘Lesbian’ and ‘CSA survivor’ is just carte blanche so a whole queue of people can tell you, I HOPE ONE DAY, WITH LOVE AND SUPPORT, YOU CAN BE STRAIGHT. It was like, right this way to the invalidation booth. I didn’t even tell most of my girlfriends! I told one! It’s not a topic of discussion between me and my family; I am relying on them not reading my interviews so it can remain where it belongs: thoroughly undiscussed!

with this context it becomes... a lot more nuanced of a topic. an author who experienced CSA in addition to growing up in a cultural climate where gay people were pedophiles by default, especially growing up catholic in a rural community, wrote a work about childhood sexual assault (which also happened to be fanfiction) as a way of working through it for herself, which is... something a lot of artists do with their art? and in return she got a massive blowback on twitter accusing her of pedophilia and demanding she talk about a massively traumatic moment in her life

this is the major sticking point of the discourse, im not gonna get into anything else on this post, but this is my view of it. if you disagree or have anything to add then feel free to add on. again, i know what it looks like, but im not trying to uncritically defend a stranger just cause i like her book. this is the conclusion i came to after doing a lot of digging for myself

[thatonesquintern13]

episode eight - lovefool:

• the door to the house being unlocked even though no one is home is very small town country accurate btw

• present kat listening to her past parents fight as if she doesn’t have enough trauma

• “damn” number… 5?

• “byron’s gonna stay with us…. on the couch,” yes dell no one thought otherwise

• “you broke and entered!?” the door was unlocked!

• dell and colton did deserve the fairytale romance!!! im on team change the past for them

• hehe rita (subtitles are telling me her name is actually reida??? but that can’t be right) and joyce and jude the theater owners coming to see if new guy really is staying with dell 🤭 girlhood really is forever!

• i know those four ladies loved the barbie movie

• alice playing poker with the olds !!! and then beating their asses lmaoooo

• do we know who the new owner of the theater is? i don’t remember. feels like that’s gonna come back for us later though

• but anyways lesbian kiss !! on hallmark!

• OMG WAIT I FORGOT PRESENT NICK DOES SHOW UP AHAHAAHA

• kat and alice talking about nick just like the good ol days 🤪

• “you married your first love and mine is doomed before it’s even started” yeah girlie idk what to tell you 😭

• (it’s giving “my first girlfriend turned into the moon” “that’s rough buddy”)

• i am still so amazed at the casting for the babies and presents

• forgot the whole reason kat sings is bc they all go out

• alice living the moment kat just remembered 🥺

• “you still haven’t convinced your dad to get the internet?” so silly to think about.

• “i know, it’s like we’re living in different times” subtle alice

• it’s really funny to think about alice and baby nick never seeing each other but still being “together” bc these days people will break up with someone if they don’t text back within seconds. alice was literally gone for months and nick was still like “my gf 🫶🏽”

• it’s also so cool that baby nick and elliot were actually friends! noah fence to elliot but nick was kinda a hottie cool kid 😭 and cool that they stayed in touch

• poor baby nick about to get his heart broken ): wait girl THAT’S why he didn’t meet you! you broke his heart for the first time!!! also bc it’s been 20 years whatever whatever

• “hell” number?? 3?

• so new guy was a war journalist in afghanistan! and was married!

• rip nick and alice </3

• kat and elliot talking about how tragic nick and kat are in both decades

• not the pager

• “you’ll understand one day, el. when you’re in love” TALK ABOUT TRAGIC

• ooh the cut from baby elliot drinking the slush to present elliot drinking the beer 🤌🏽 cinematography

• “speaking of relationships… do you remember our friend alice.” 😭

• “doesnt ring a bell. but there have been so many women from my illustrious past. maybe she just didn’t stand out.” foot. in. mouth.

• would be funny if kat just started attacking him after that idk

• hehe nick signing kat up to singggg 🤭

• oh hi alanis

• chyler KILLING THE VOCALS!!! (breathe (2am) grey’s anatomy musical episode you will always be famous)

• alanis morissette you learn is certainly A Choice to sing at an open mic

• nick is ENGAGED

• “i finally decided to take a page out of your book. put down some roots, commit.” “my book? i think you’re forgetting my marriage fell apart…” “well, that wasn’t quite what i was talking about, or rather, who. *looks to kat*” yup yup yup

• katelliot saying goodnight on the front porch and there’s t e n s i o n 🤭

• “come on…. would you just. kiss me already?” SCREAMING

• some ships only get fanfic with this kind of dialog btw like???

• “i told you! i would do it wh-” “when the moment is perfect, i know”

• and now she’s mad that he hasn’t kissed her and she’s losing everything she’s ever believed about love 😭😭😭

• we flipped the script so fast

• mother daughter hair brushing is always so sweet 🥺

• even when kat is telling alice that nick is engaged /:

• imagine breaking up with your first love and the next day finding out they’re engaged 🫠

• i don’t like when dell and colton fight 😭

• past dell chopping wood cut to present dell chopping wood confused me SO MUCH the first time i watched this. LOL

• “the day i slow down, is the day i die” so. southern. of her.

• new guy and dell is like rebecca pearson and miguel. you’ll never be jack pearson, new guy!!!

• oh yeah present kat jumping in the back of colton’s truck! foreshadowing? 😗

• ooh the mysterious hotel!

• colton! hired! a private! investigator!!! he’s a good man!!!

• the PI also can’t find anything about jacob ):

• new guy saying he’d like to kiss present dell (🙄) is literally the place where i was like, “oh. well. i guess he isn’t jacob then…” during my first watch lmaooo

• but he’s still suspicious! <_<

• “you’re sitting in colton’s chair…” “do you. want me to get out?” “no, no. i don’t even know why i said that, it’s been empty a long time.” okay OUCH also yes new guy i would like you to get out

• (okay i want it known that by the end of this is us i did like miguel!)

• oh spencer and zoe from school. all hugged up like spence wasn’t emotionally cheating on her a couple months ago 🤧

• but they are comforting alice with coffee with a lot of whipped cream 🥺

• omg present nick is at the coffee shop!!

• “it’s great to meet you, alice” A KNIFE THROUGH MY CHEST 😭

• “alice! who’s that hot old guy?” read the room zoe

• oh no not colton crying 🥺

• dell giving him her jacket to stay warm 😭😭

• “i love you, delilah. i love you so much.” DELILAH 💔💔💔

• AND THE BOAT IS NAMED AFTER HER BTW FORGOT TO TELL YALL

• (also, guess i’ve been spelling DEL wrong this whole time but whatever im not changing it sry)

• anyways. yeah. dell and colton were the fairytale romance.

• and present kat saw all of this! she believes in love again!

• AND SPEAKING OF BELIEVING IN LOVE

• HI ELLIOT!!!!

• “what are you doing, you nut? it’s freezing out here.” 🥹

• blahblahblah there was no affair yadda yadda private investigator

• ELLIOT GIVES HER HIS SWEATER JUST LIKE DELL GAVE COLTON

• oh we’re realizing 😈

• “why are you looking at me like that” elliot, you are the biggest dumb dumb

• ITS THE PERFECT MOMENT 😭🤧

• SCREAMING BC IT IS A K I S S

• “i don’t care about perfect. i just didn’t want us to miss our moment.” “that felt pretty perfect to me”

• chyler leigh putting that grey’s anatomy training to WORK in this makeout scene!!!!

• spicy for hallmark but also just generally a spicy kiss??? BIG SLAY

• “gotta go.” “wHAT” please they’re so dorky

• sorry had to rewatch that whole scene

• kat telling dell about the PI to try to fix it. once the oldest daughter always the oldest daughter ):

• “this may explain what happened to our savings, but it doesn’t answer everything” back third episodes bombshell incoming ‼️

• “we’re not gonna talk about this right now, we’ve got a guest in the house.” oh okay convenient excuse.

• “i just don’t want our memories of dad to be tainted by a misunderstanding.” “there was another woman, katherine. i saw her with my own eyes. she showed up crying at your father’s funeral.” it might seem crazy what i’m ‘bout to say 🫣

• me: *gasping* wait why am i gasping i already knew that

• oh. forgot about present nick already oops

• “it’s been a very long time since i felt this way… since high school, actually” so you just LIED to us earlier

• oh he literally says that he lied lol

• “of course i remember [alice]” AS PRESENT ALICE IS WALKING UP THE PASTURE

• (i’ll be honest im confused how the farm and elliot’s house are connected)

• “but man, she reminds me of alice. the other alice, my alice” okay is this gonna make things better or worse 😭

• “you never forget your first love” 😭😭😭

• alice seems happy with this so i guess it made it better

• oop new guy is leaving

• probably has nothing to do with the dead husband vibes

• “thank you for mansplaining grief to me” askshaksh DELL

• end of the day and kat is still wearing elliot’s sweater 🤧

• just three heartbroken landry women sitting on the front porch while joy williams front porch plays 😔

fin.

📺 | the way home

live blogging a season one rewatch so i can remember everything for season two 🫡

episode one:

• i hope this show goes on forever bc they clearly have a full story planned for this witch hunt

• honestly forgot about this private school situation

• dad’s suck!

• do we learn about the “one hit” orrr

• chyler leigh in glasses. that’s it that’s the thought.

• “fReEs yOu Up fOr sOmE hOmEsChoOliNg” hey why don’t you hush.

• nah bc these two are like… not even divorced yet and his gf already moved in with him? i’d set the fire alarm off too

• oh the one hit was last year’s showcase

• hallmark letting a “damned” into the script. big slay

• i do really appreciate that young dell is just andie macdowell in a dark wig.

• sorry but it’s kinda a dream to have a farm in ‘nowhere canada’ to escape to, alice.

• i love generational mommy issues 😌

• one thing about andie macdowell, that accent’s gon’ be thicc

• wet dog foreshadowing 👀

• moving in the middle of the school year is wild

• omg and a “what the hell” !!

• mystery letter 😈 (i only vaguely remember how it got sent so excited to relearn that)

• the glow-in-the-dark ceiling stars 🥺

• LMAO OKAY dell was wrong for sending her out in her pjs but it was funny hehe 🤭

• ELLIOT!!!!

• “you got a lot in common… what with your divorces.” dell that’s so southern of you

• “and me?” OOF

• dell landry: bee keeping age 😗

• fair that kat wants to talk about her brother and dad but didn’t she also…. like. leave?? 🥴

• “if you ever need to talk i’m here. any place. any… time.” very subtle elliot thank you

• ohp. guess that’s why i don’t remember the bracelet. so rose from titanic of her

• wait that’s literally how she gets in the pond ?? okay that’s on me then.

• baby kat!! (A+ casting btw 🤌🏽)

• i could not imagine sitting on TIME TRAVEL for over 14 years. good on elliot

• elliot and kat better get back together in like the first 2 minutes of s2 🤧

• baby elliot!

• as someone who lost their grandpa when i was really young, alice meeting her grandpa and their whole relationship just hits different 🥺

• no bc the 90s ARE totally back in style.

• “alice will be fine.” “jacob wasn’t.” he was 6, girl 😭

• the white witch 😟 (me: wait why am i gasping i already knew that.)

• the blurry picture is actually very clever!

• elliot just standing over the pond ominously 🧍🏻‍♂️

• idk why but i love that kat called him to yell at him.

• kat, he just knows, okay!!

fin.

[you-are-worth-the-wait]

care to elaborate on your statement?  kinda tough to tell how you took it.  i hope you didn’t take it negatively.  that wasn’t my intent.  i prolly could have said worse when explaining things and what i see/feel but i tried to keep it as level as i could without letting the biased side in me point out all the negative/toxic things i see/feel that is wrong there.  i can be unbiased and object for your sake in order to talk things through with you.  but you know how i feel and what is my end goal and of course i’m going to always try to give you the best chance in reaching/achieving what it is that desire in your heart and mind.  

so...any chance i steal you away for a kiss? :P  just being true to what my heart wants/desires and i figure i take a chance...*shrug*  i mean, like i say in most other scenarios, worst thing you can do is say no, nothing happens, and i/we are right back with what we started with.  good/best case, you entertain the idea and possibly reach out to me.  you know, dreamers gonna dream...but actions influences reality with the possibility of making those dreams come true.  heck...look what we’ve been able to create together when all this started with just taking a chance...*ws*

i’m thinking you prolly have a lot to think about and maybe reassessing your situation there and within yourself after what i wrote out.  i’m guessing that’s the reason for the one and done statement.  it’s okay.  i know if things were different, we’d have the chance to have a fluid back and forth and we’d be able to figure things out together.  i feel/know that you may be timid and scared but i also know that you are a different person than you were at the beginning of this year.  i know you are still a work in progress but if i’m being truthful...i don’t see him or that situation giving you the best chance to achieve what you want and helping you reach your full potential.  i’ know you’ve shied away from those words and have sometimes felt that people were pushing before you felt you were ready.  that’s not where i’m coming from.  i saw glimpses of it even before i knew your name.  i did admire you from afar and what i liked about you was your humble low key confidence.  from the moment i knew of you to today, when i say i want you to reach your full potential, it’s not to push or antagonize you to do it but more of a supportive role in wanting it as much as you do and to help you reach it. 

i know that he’s said that i’d be better for you.  i don’t know where he was coming from when i said it or how many times he may have thrown that or me into your face.  if it was out of pity for himself, out of spite and anger for me, or from a glimmer of truth he didn’t want to accept, i don’t know.  without sounding like a conceited asshole, i agree with that statement.  the thing is, he may have said it but i don’t think he fully realizes the depths as to why i feel/know that statement to be true.  he may have pointed out reasons but i don’t think the reasons he’s given touches on the actual reality of that statement.  i know in my heart that with all the reasons he may have given, there is more to it than that, and i know you know it too.  he may have somewhat of a grasp of what we are but i don’t think he will ever know the depths and magnitude of what we truly are. we have a past t0o, although not as long, but fiercely connected to the point that we still are what we are today, despite what is going on there.   i can’t discount your past with him because i know i can’t touch that nor will i even try.  but i’m not talking about living for the past.  i’m talking about living for the now and for the future.  and for those reasons along with the unspoken ones he will never fully understand and that only you and i know...that’s why i believe in my heart that i am better for you.  i honestly do believe, together, we give ourselves the best chance of being better for ourselves and for each other.  sooo...yeah.

btw...i gave him the money and he almost cried.  he gave me a promissory note on the agreement and how he’d pay me back with interest on this and that date.  i told him we didn’t have to deal with the interest and we could just figure it out as we go.  he was so grateful and you could see like a burden was just lifted off his shoulders.  i know it doesn’t fix everything but it’s one less thing he has to worry about in order to focus on other things in his life.  apparently he cooks good food.  maybe i make him pay me back in food? one lunch every two weeks...for the rest of his tenure as long as we work together...bwah hahahaha.  you see where my priorities are.  yeah, it was definitely a weird situation and request with such a finite rapport but then again, this isn’t the first time i’ve done this and prolly won’t be the last?  i honestly don’t know how i even get involved in situations like this.  maybe after he’s paid me back and some time when he’s good, maybe i’ll ask him what made him/why he came to me.  wonder after we become “friends” if he’ll say that he was desperate and i just so happen to exist at that very moment.  that would be a bit anticlimactic...*shrug*

how’s your mom and family?  she/they doing okay?  does you niece help keep things manageable?  you want a child to dote after if that’s what helps bring a smile to your heart?...*nudge nudge* :P  i mean, you’d have your hands full with me to begin with.  they’d just be a bonus to add into the mix when the time is right :)  any plans for new years/weekend?  could we just watch a movie, cuddle, kiss, and fall asleep in each other’s arms?  

oh...i had a dream about you last night.  but it wasn’t a typical dream.  maybe my “internet history” is playing a factor because it was about you and me and a unicorn.  i’ve never had a dream like that before.  it wasn’t someone i knew though.  the thing that struck me was how “natural” everything was.  there was no pause of awkwardness or what not.  it was quite surreal from the moment we all met, to getting started, and the act.  i have to admit this was one of those times where i hated my alarm.  but yeah.  it was interesting to say the least.  

well...hope you have a good day at work tomorrow.  i got smashed and i messed up with someone.  i was doing the work of an LPN and RN and it was honestly the first time i’ve worked at this capacity.  my preceptor is nice but i think she gives me way more credit than i deserve.  she thinks she can just tell me what to do and i can go and do it but i’ve never had experience doing what she is asking me to do so i end up having to telh/asking her if she could do it while i observe.  she helped when she felt i needed it.  unfortunately, i needed her help more than she realized and my provider could tell the difference of not having the LPN.  i felt so bad but he was understanding about it and told me i was doing a good job.  he even came over to me before the end of our shift to let me know how much he enjoyed working with me and that even though i may not have known everything, he said that i was coming along well and that i will do a good job in the future.  i thanked him for working with me the way he did and he thanked me for helping him with his workload and making things more manageable for him.  we then said fingers crossed on the new provider that i will be working with.  truth...their plan for my workload...it’s not looking fun.  i’ll be inheriting two part time providers and it’s looking like my vet load will triple by next year.  if i thought today kicked my ass, i can only imagine what 2 new providers who i have to learn how they do things all over and still cover the LPN and RN duties, all the while i’m still asking people for help and assistance.  guess this is what i get when i say that i like a challenge.  i barely survived today and one of my officemates asked me why did my eye look the way they did.  they were half closed and pretty lifeless because of the workload i had to deal with before the end of my shift.  fun fun fun.  in the immortal words and deadpan expression of kuzko, “bring it on.”...*ws*

btw...did you figure out that “secret” i was referring to? :)

[emilx311]

Life Update

Hey all, so I pretty much vanished off the internet for the past few months (whoops sorry about that) but things have been crazy irl! Here’s a bit of a summary for those who were wondering what happened to me:

So, for context sake a few fun facts about me. I work as a night auditor at a hotel and have done so since August 2019, I graduated Uni with a degree in Justice Studies in 2018, and I have several minor but chronic health issues that lead to me being very low energy-ie having less spoons than a normal person and needing more sleep.

Aside from the issues already inherent with 2020′s....everything we had several more personal issues at my (I say my because I work there) motel. Mainly around staffing, and especially around night audit staffing.

Since I was hired we’ve gone through 5 or 6 other night auditors (I think? maybe more). And they often.....quit with barely any notice. So, being our only consistent night auditor I’ve been called in last minute several times over the past year leading to 6 or even 7 day weeks. (Not Fun!)

Even when we have had another trained night auditor with us they often also do day shifts since we only need them for 2 nights a week. Turn over for day-shift people has been barely lower than turn over for night shift, which has led to them having to be called in last minute to cover day shifts when people left which means I also had to be called in last minute to cover the night shifts they were no longer able to do, leading to us all working 6 or even 7 day weeks (Super Not Fun!)

In summary: I’ve worked more overtime days than I have had vacation days in this last year. Heck, the last time I tried to go on vacation for like 5 days I got called in every other day and my boss (our regional manager) paid me double for the shifts I worked and refused to touch my vacation pay because even he acknowledged that was in no way a real vacation at that point (this was at the beginning of September btw...)

This was all compounded when our general manager (gm) left in late July. Her reason for leaving was super fair since she got a better job offer, similar pay to what she was making, less work since she would no longer have to do all the duties our boss should have been doing but was instead pushing off unto her. Super sad to see her go but wished her the best (still miss her) :(

This left our under manager (gsm) and me as the main people in the hotel (ie those who have been there the longest, only the gsm and housekeepers had been there longer than I had at that point-and I had not even reached my 1 year yet). Which, not super great, but the other people we had were okay so we would manage. So the gsm and I held things together and started basically running the hotel (shout out to the gsm here because I love her and she is actually like 5 years younger than me but has accomplished so much more, I am in constant awe of her tbh). Our boss (who is....kind of dumb sometimes) realized this. We became his golden girls (he plays favorites hard).

It is at that point that someone above our boss’s level in the company (he’s in charge locally, but we do belong to a large corporation, ah capitalism) hired disaster #1 as our first new gm. Disaster #1 was creepily cheerful and utterly dismayed to find out his job actually involved him doing work! Like working at the front desk during his shifts and doing manager stuff instead of it just being him sitting in the back looking important and giving us encouragement occasionally. He payed no attention to his training. He did very little of his basic work let alone the manager stuff. He took credit and praised “the team” whenever something went right and pushed blame off him unto everyone else as hard as he could when something went wrong (I once pointed out he forgot to do something and he legit said to me “can you prove it was me?” I said “yes” very firmly.)

Now, as the auditor my job is to spot, point out, and fix errors. He hated coming in to to work after me because I spotted and pointed out everything he missed or did incorrectly. At first just because I happened to notice them. Then it became personal, he cornered me one morning at shift change and told me that he dreaded coming in to work after me because I was always so critical, and he had so much to do during his shifts other than just front desk stuff (he did not, most of the “manager” stuff he was even trained in doing at this point he shoved off unto the gsm) he then disparaged the gsm. I was done, I was pissed (you do not say mean things about my gsm, nope, not okay, I will cut and slab you*) and kind of hurt (why are you taking my corrections as personal attacks? Why are you saying I’m mean for doing my job?) So, if he wanted to make it personal I decided to make it personal and made it my mission to find and point out everything he did wrong, no more overlooking small things as I had been. The pressure of actually having to work made him quit (shocking, not!).

It was also around this time that I signed up for an LSAT prep course. Because I hate myself and now that I’ve been working for a couple years and have some money saved up I want to follow through on my plan to get either a Law Degree or a Masters Degree and so am working on taking the LSAT and applying to law schools. No, studying has not been going well, time and energy have also been preventing that.

Fast forward a couple months and 2 of our best employees went on holiday (one they had scheduled months before). It’s the start of January, they will be gone for two months. In that time our boss had hired our next gm, idiot #2. Just as these two leave the other front desk person we’d been training quits with no notice. We are short staffed....again (yay more 6 and 7 day weeks, ack). To fill in this gap our boss brings in idiot #3 from one of the other 2 hotels in the area our company owns.

Idiot #2 is semi okay, he is not manager material, even months after he was hired to be gm he does not have the training and is basically just a front desk agent. He is bad about doing things himself unless you specifically direct him to with very clear instructions, but he can do the minimum (although he failed the coffee test. After idiot #1 I wrote out very, VERY specific instructions for how to clean our coffee station....he is not able to follow them. The gsm and I joked about the coffee test after I first wrote the instructions, that someone actually failed it....we despair). So, he does not think ahead, do any extra, or solve many problems but at least he rarely creates problems.

This brings us to idiot #3. I do not know what goes on in his head (very little likely) but man oh man. Some examples: the time he-after being asked like 4 times-actually sign off on the checklist after cleaning the laundry room (as everyone is supposed to once a shift) but did so in sharpie instead of one of the many dry-erase markers left around the front desk for no other reason than the clearly laminated sign off sheet. Or the time he decided on his own to give someone a satisfaction refund, far larger than it should have been (which only managers and those with special permission can do in any of the hotels, so he should know better but somehow....)

We have a book for front desk to write messages on about issues for the next people. Usually we have a note or two on any given day. Pretty much every day he worked it was full and even going onto the next page. Idk how, it’s like he touched something and issues sprung up. and Guess who got to be the one to fix all of them (woooo).

For the past few weeks I have had 2 days a week where the only people who worked were me and idiots #2 and #3. It’s been horrible. In addition, my days off were changed for these months so I haven’t been able to meet my one bubble inclusive friend to vent like we usually do once a week, because that time no longer fit in my schedule. I have been living in exhaustive hell for the past couple months, and even before that as I tried to lighten the gsm’s load as much as I could as she took on a lot of the gm stuff. My house is a mess, tbh my life is a mess because work has left me so tired and stressed that I basically get home, shower, collapse onto bed, read a bit, sleep, wake-up, find some sort of food, get ready for work, go to work, and repeat. Even on my days off I’m sleeping 75% of the time and resting to try and shore up my spoons (of which I already have fewer than most people) to get through the work week.

tl;dr Due to ridiculousness I ended up unofficially co-running a hotel and it’s sucked up so much of my energy that all my free time is pretty much spent sleeping just to ensure I’m able to get through my work weeks semi-functionally. Everything about my life has been a mess, to the point where I’m legit not sure how I’ve been keeping myself fed, clean, on meds and just generally....alive.

[cinnonym]

christmas magic's brought this tale (to a very happy ending)

Written for Day 10 - Game Night / Movie Night of 12 Days of Christmas @supercorpbb

Read on AO3

***

r/relationship_advice – posted by u/anonymous1000 – 13 hours ago

My (25f) crush and best friend (27f) chose a lesbian classic for movie night, how do I react?

Disclaimer ahead: I haven’t used reddit before and am thus not very fluent in etiquette and formatting, but please bear with me because I am seriously overwhelmed by the current situation and would appreciate all forms of help. I’m also typing this in a hurry, because I’m supposed to be in the bathroom, so please excuse typos or inaccuracies. I’ll try my best. But now, without further ado, here goes:

I (25f) have been crushing on my best friend (27f) pretty much since the day we met. For context, that was two years ago, and while we started out on a business relationship, it evolved into a close friendship almost right away. This is mostly due to her, I must admit. She’s the most open-minded person I know and simply couldn’t be “scared away” by my bad reputation (which I inherited). Needless to say, I’m very grateful for her. She’s not only my best, but has also been my only friend for quite a while, before she introduced me to her inner circle. I unironically owe her my happiness (and my life, several times over, but that’s unrelated to this story).

I’d fallen in love before I realised what was happening. Usually, trust and affection come slowly to me, but her I loved almost right away. That’s simply who she is, a person one cannot help loving. Also, she’s very attractive, side note. I used to flirt with her sometimes, in the beginning, before I became aware of the depth of my feelings (this is awkward to talk about, btw, thank goodness for anonymity online), and back then, it seemed like she wasn’t all unresponsive to my advances. Then again, she isn’t very good at saying no to anyone, because of who she is as a person, so maybe she was only being polite? I’m not sure.

Anyway, she had a boyfriend then, and I had to come to terms with my feelings, so I sort of drew back a little. I’d been with women before, so that was never an issue, but I’m uncertain whether she has ever considered women. Her sister is gay, and she is very supportive of her, but we’ve never talked about how she feels. As far as I know, she’s only ever been with men though. Either way, I’m not in the business of making moves on taken people, so I mostly focused on fostering our friendship.

The thing is, as long as I can be close with her, I am sort of okay with being “just friends”. I mean, isn’t close friendship like a romantic relationship, just minus the romance? And minus the physical advantages (although she is a very cuddly person, so that’s nice). And, like, of course, I’d like to mean more to her. Of course I’d like to take care of her every day when she comes home, cook her dinner, listen to her worries, massage her neck, kiss her goodnight. Of course I’d like to be The One to her, just like she is The One to me. But considering that she’s probably straight and not interested in me in that way, I’m mostly okay with just being her best friend.

Or, I was mostly okay with it. But recently she’s… been acting differently towards me. She’s giving me these long glances when she thinks I don’t notice (I do). She’s going out of her way to make sure I’m fine and don’t work too much (it’s a tendency I have, especially pre-Christmas). She’s told me she’s been working on my Christmas gift almost all month (and I can’t for the hell of it guess what it could be). She’s even invited me for Christmas with her family (since I don’t celebrate with mine).

And now today, she chose the film Carol for movie night (movie night is a weekly thing we do, I should have mentioned that earlier, maybe), which is, as you might know, about a lesbian relationship. And I don’t know what to do.

She claims to have chosen the film because it was on a list of Christmas films (and I suppose it does have christmassy vibes), and because it “sounded fitting”. Sounded fitting?? What is that even supposed to mean? She doesn’t know I’m gay, so it can’t be that, unless she somehow figured out. Is she gay and this is her way of telling me? And if so, how do I react? Is this her letting me know she’s interested in me, or am I reading too much into this? Did she even realise this was a lesbian film??

Anyway, she’s calling from the living room, so I need to go. I’ll try to take another bathroom break halfway into the movie, and I’d appreciate it A Lot if I had some reactions in by then, because I’m panicking a little here. Thank you all!

Tl;dr: my supposedly straight friend chose a lesbian film for movie night, and I don’t understand her intentions behind that.

(P.S. She and her boyfriend have broken up months ago. She’s currently single.)

***

r/relationship_advice – posted by u/anonymous1000 – 11 hours ago

UPDATE to this post

First of all, thank you all so much for your quick replies, they’re really helpful. As you might have guessed, I managed to negotiate another bathroom break mid-film (though my friend is currently sulking on the couch, she didn’t want to let me go? :) ?) and am, once again, typing as fast as my fingers will allow. Much has happened.

I’ve mentioned that my friend is a very cuddly person. Today was no difference – as soon as she’d pressed play on the film, she’d already enveloped me in one of her bone-crushing hugs (she’s very strong). Normally, I let myself sink into these embraces, because she really is a phenomenal hugger, but today my speculations were so prevalent in my mind that I could hardly breathe when our bodies touched.

(She noticed my reaction right away, and immediately asked if I’d rather not hug (to which I replied a vehement no), and this really isn’t very important to the story, but I wanted to let you know.)

As the film progressed (largely unregarded by me, I must admit), I noticed several things about her behaviour that seemed odd, though:

One, her heartbeat became considerably faster as soon as Carol and Therese had met on-screen and it became clear that their relationship would be the focus of the film.

Two, she’s been side-eyeing me a lot more frequently than usual (she tends to watch me watch films if she knows the plot already, but considering she probably hasn’t seen Carol before, this seems out of character for her).

Three, and this is… I don’t even know how to feel about this, but… how do I formulate this best…  When the sex scene was playing, I swear she looked at my cleavage and blushed.

I’m sort of ecstatic (because those are hints, right? I can’t be the only one to think that those are hints?) but also very very VERY worried that I’ve totally misinterpreted the entire situation. Then again, all of your comments sound incredibly hopeful and affirming, so I guess I’m not entirely wrong in my assumptions?

I need to go back now (I’ve been here way too long already), but I will definitely keep you updated. It’s so heart-warming to see how invested all of you are!

@everyone who told me to kiss her already: if she keeps this up, I just might :)

***

r/relationship_advice – posted by u/anonymous1000 – 1 hour ago

UPDATE! All’s well that ends well!

Hey everyone, I am so sorry for the late update. I ended up being… somewhat busy last night.

:) :) :)

So, long story short, we’re dating now. And yes, I did kiss her (or she kissed me, I can’t remember exactly. We somehow kissed each other simultaneously).

Long story slightly less short, because I see you hungering for details in the comments (and my now-girlfriend said you deserved to know), here is how it went down:

We didn’t even finish the film. We didn’t even resume the film, after I returned from the bathroom. Because when I did, giddy and ready to Do This, she wasn’t even looking at me. No, she was looking at her phone.

Now, I’ve never seen a person look at their phone with an expression quite as shocked as hers. She was, I’m not kidding, completely frozen (and if you knew her, you’d know that doesn’t happen often).

So naturally I rush over to her, worried as can be, thinking something bad happened, a catastrophe or maybe an accident in her family. And as I kneel by her side, and she still hasn’t moved, I happen to see what she’s been reading on her phone screen.

And it’s reddit.

I’m not gonna lie, for a second I thought it was all over. I mean, she’d obviously recognised us in my post (so much for anonymity everyone, the internet is treacherous), and judging by her expression, well… I assumed the worst.

But then she turns around and she fixes me with this incredibly cute stern stare she has, and she goes: “[My full name]. Have you browsed the relationship tag even once?”

And I shake my head, completely dumbfounded of course, because what does that have to do with anything. But apparently it plays a crucial role, because apparently you all know my girlfriend.

Her username is @supergirlssupercurls and she’s been posting the entire journey of our friendship/romance on this platform. Turns out she loves me too.

:)

She’s also told me to end this with: and they lived happily ever after.

(Let’s hope we do).

[bang-me-bangtan-style]

Archive

OLD FANFICS AND ONE SHOTS RESIDE HERE.

My 2013-2020 fanficion

This is a masterlist of old fanfiction I’ve wrote through the years. From when I first started writing at sixteen with FORBIDDEN ALL THE WAY TO 2020. It’s 2021 and I feel like I want to start new and fresh. So I took all my masterlist and put it as an archive. My new masterlist is empty. Will be Comming soon.

Don’t fret, I still may continture some of the series below. but for now all this work is going to remain in the archive unless i change my mind.

✔ - Completed ||   ••• - Ongoing || ✖  - On Hold -everything for now is discontinued

BTS

Kim Namjoon

Kim Seokjin

Series:

Oneshots:

Smut:

(SMUT) corrupted | bangtan smut series | JIN,bts | 2.4k words

Min Yoongi

Series:

••• ⭐️ (FANFIC) Updated May 14,2020 | THE BANGTAN LIST | YOONGI, bts | with 1 chapter (s) | 3k words | ONGOING | SUMMARY - That one story where you work as a stripper, meet Min Yoongi, fuck him, and cant forget him- but he can’t remember you- so you fuck his friends to fuck the pain away.

Oneshots:

(SCENARIO) 01 the creator | you don’t own me series | YOONGI,bts

Smut:

(SMUT) 02 SUGA - 불타오르네  |bangtan smut series |  SUGA, bts | 1.5k word

Jung Hoseok

Series:

(MINI SERIES ) forced break up  | JHOPE, bts | 2 chapters |  1 , 2 | When Yoongi is your brother nobody wants to mess with you. no, not when Yoongi had set them all straight not to touch his little sister. Jhope is Yoongi’s best friend and Yoongis threats doesn’t scare him. What happens when Jhope goes behind Yoongi’s back to fuck his little sister. That sister being you.

Oneshots:

Smut:

(SMUT) 03 we on | bangtan smut series | JUNGKOOK+JHOPE,bts | 1.6k words

Kim Taehyung

Series:

✖ (FANFICTION) Updated Jan 14, 2019 | the temptation | TAEHYUNG, bts | With 2 chapter (s) |  4316  words  | ON HIATUS | SUMMARY- Church. School. Work. Home. Home.work. school home. It was a hell of routine. But it was old. It was getting way too old. This pure innocent life was just a facade nowadays. Your mind had fell into the fifth circle of hell. And your boyfriend jungkook realized this. Especially after you cheated on him with the person he hated the most. Taehyung. And now according to him you would burn in hell for it. How long could you keep your legs closed after reviving oral sex from taehyung? Could you keep the rest of your innocence or did you really want to burn in hell like jungkook said you would?

Oneshots:

Smut:

(SMUT) 04 treat you better | bangtan smut series | TAEHYUNG, bts | 3.4k words

Park Jimin

Series:

Oneshots:

Smut:

(SMUT) 01 caught in a lie | bangtan smut series | JIMIN,bts

(SMUT) three is a charm | bangtan smut series | JUNGKOOK+JIMIN,bts | 4.4k words

Jung Jungkook

Series:

✖ (FANFIC) you make me begin  | JUNGKOOK, bts | 1,954 words | ON HIATUS | | SUMMARY- what if you are an angel and you fell from heaven for a troublesome boy who needed you, him being Jeon Jungkook?

✖(FANFIC) Updated june 23, 2018  || (FANFIC) UNKNOWN || JUNGKOOK, bts || With 2 chapter(s) ||  2,586 words  || ON HIATUS|| SUMMARY- what if the famous front man of bangtan accidentally texts the wrong number thinking your his cheating girlfriend only it’s really you?

••• ⭐️ (FANFIC) Updated May 12, 2020 | THE CREATION | with 2 chapters | words | ONGOING | SUMMARY- Your mom Jeon Yoona was one of the greatest scientist of her time. She created a man made male fetus called Project 1997 (later known as Jeon Jungkook) in the GIO lab that resided in Busan,South Korea in 1997. Jeon went down in the hall of fame creating what was said to be the most difficult project of the decade. in 2002 Jeon Yoona died from cancer leaving you behind. This was also around the time when PROJECT 1997 (Jeon Jungkook) started having complications and had became very ill. Because of this the GIO lab wanted project 1997 to be destroyed because they couldn’t figure out what w as wrong and  why he was defective. After being saved by Yoonas colleague- project 1997 (Jeon Jungkook) had fell into Your hands and you from then on raised him like a son. But you didn’t know that pretending to be PROJECT 1997’s (jungkooks) mom would be so hard, him angry, moody and bitchy all the time because all his friends wanted to do was fuck you. And maybe he wanted to fuck you too!

Oneshots:

(SCENARIO) 01 Jungkook | bangtan scenario series | JUNGKOOK, bts

(DRABBLE) mate killer | JUNGKOOK, bts

Smut:

(SMUT) 03 we on | bangtan smut series | JUNGKOOK+JHOPE,bts | 1.6k words

(SMUT) three is a charm | bangtan smut series | JUNGKOOK+JIMIN,bts | 4.4k words

(SMUT) 07 you’re mine |  bangtan smut series | JUNGKOOK,bts

세븐틴 | SEVENTEEN (SVT)

Dino

Vernon

S.coups

Wonwoo

Mingyu

Seungkwan

Joshua

••• ⭐️ Updated august 1st , 2018   (FANFIC) fucking with Joshua | JOSHUA, seventeen | With 12 chapter (s) | 29,125 words  | ONGOING | A recorded list of incidents of you corrupting the innocent Hong Jisoo. can you corrupt him and make him go against his morals?

Woozi

Jeonghyun

The8

Hoshi

Jun

Dk

엔시티 | NEO CULTURE TECHNOLOGY (NCT)

(some members of nct is still under age, will not write any smut for underage 19+ and under nct members)

Taeyong

(SMUT) the dirty secret | nct smut series | TAEYONG,nct (4.5k words)

taeil

johnny

yuta

kun

doyoung

ten

(SMUT) the dirty secret | nct smut series | TAEYONG,nct (4.5k words)

jaehyun

winwin

jungwoo

lucas

mark

renjun

jeno

haechan

jaemin

chenle

jisung

갓세븐 | GOT7

Yugyeom

⭐️ (SMUT) lust of denial | got7 smuts | YUGYEOM,got7

Jackson

Jaebum

Jinyoung

Youngjae

BamBam

Mark

(SMUT) ewwww | got 7 smuts | MARK,got7

에스에프나인 | SENSATIONAL FEELING NINE (SF9)

Rowoon

Jaeyoon

Taeyang

Hwiyoung

(SMUT) guilty pleasures | sf9 smuts | HWIYOUNG,sf9 | 2.1k words

Dawon

Chani

Inseong

Youngbin

zuho

엑소 | EXO

Chanyeol

⭐️ (SMUT)breaking boundaries | exo smuts | CHANYEOL, exo

Suho

Xuimin

(SMUT) 01 | you’re mine | exo smuts | XIUMIN,exo

Chen

Kai

✖ Updated Apr 4, 2018 (FANFIC)degraded | KAI, exo | 8,806  words | |With 4 chapters | ON hold| In hopes of getting rid of Kim Jongin for ruining your life further after your friends with benefits disaster and your violent meltdown, you finally get him to agree to leave you alone for good give you some space…. you get a month of quiet. till one day he shows up at the same convenience store as you. from there he follows you home and fucks the shit out of you claiming you to be his again. Even with a girlfriend still on his arm your his play-toy again.Its all just a vicious never ending down spiraling cycle. He would never leave you alone. not until he calls it quits.what do you do when Kim Jongin won’t  leave you alone? degrading you until you disappear? welcome to degraded.

D.O

Lay

Baekhyun

⭐️ (MINI FANFIC) drunk bitch | exo smuts | BAEKHYUN,exo | 1 chapter | what if you got drunk and didn’t realize what you were doing? Baekhyun being your victim.

⭐️ (SMUT) human mate | exo smuts | BAEKHYUN,exo

(SMUT) forced | exo smuts | BAEKHYUN,exo

Sehun

✖ discontinued | LISTEN I wrote this fanfic when I was like 16 ish or 17 it was my very first fanfic and it was a FORBIDDEN mess I’m now about to be 26 and cringe so fucking hard at what my 16 year old self was up in here doing, mom should have beat my a** 🥊 anyways I still have this on the internet to show where I came from it’s been what 8 almost 9 years since I wrote this sicko book, which btw way was requested I remember exo-Ls back in the day were.... anways if you read spare me I was young 😂😂😂 (FANFIC) forbidden |  |15 chapters | SEHUN, exo |  57,146 words | ON HIATUS|  Sehun is your twin.You’re his twin sister.You love him, More than you should.You push him away.He pulls back.You hate him he hates you back.You’re strangers, and he knows that.He misses you.You miss him back, but a question?Does he love you like you love him?

(SCENARIO) chanyeol’s noona | exo smuts | SEHUN,exo

빅뱅 | BIGBANG

G-dragon

(SMUT) mean because I like you | GDRAGON,bigbang

(SCENARIO) how to tame a dragon | GDRAGON, bigbang

[miamonologues]

Females are strong as hell

Some lessons from Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

This is a newly introduced series to me by my own Netflix algorithm and let me tell you, IT'S MY NEW FAVORITE ONE. I finished the series quickly because it was "unputdownable." I had to keep watching because the entertainment it provided served me well (it's practically my kind of humor). Despite being a comedy with a light-hearted ending, I kind of cried when it ended because, well, I had to keep going now with my own life. Back to boring paperwork and non-fiction reading. So instead of moping about it (and yes, I know I can just re-watch it again, but you and I know it'll feel different), I thought, why not list down SOME lessons I learned from its four main characters. I emphasized the word SOME because, believe me, you will learn so much more. Not just from the plot and these four characters but from the other characters that are unmentioned here. So here we go, what Kimmy, Titus, Jacqueline, and Lillian taught me.

What Kimmy taught me:

Kimmy taught me to not let your past define you, and being a late bloomer has a lot of advantages. Intentions are pure, ego untainted, and your presence becomes infectious. Sure, she may have missed a whole big chunk of her life, but she also realized how much she hasn't. The world will continue to evolve with or without us in it, so what's there to miss? We'll bloom just as much.

You will never do the world harm by choosing to be kind. It was always about helping people when it comes to Kimmy, which became one of her callings and ultimate purpose in life as the series escalated. While the people around her taught her that the world can be cruel sometimes, and we become accustomed to it, she chose to kill the cruelty with her unconditional kindness.

You can be tough without compromising your sweet and loving self. Kimmy had to learn the ins and outs of life's cycle. She may have suppressed her feelings and emotions at some point, but she knew that we're all entitled to all feelings. Which made her character very likable. Eventually, she learned anger, frustration, rage, and sadness. It wasn't always love and happiness, but she knew it was just part of our functioning.

Face your demons, but move forward while doing it. Trauma is not to be ignored by a person's past experiences. Even though Kimmy had trouble facing her past, she still did. But instead of staying in the past, she met it by saying, "yep, that's all that is. The past". It's not likely for someone like Kimmy to be at peace with her terrifying bunker past. Still, she is as the title says, unbreakable.

What Titus taught me:

He gave me a new light on how to view gay characters in a series. He is NOT your gay best friend, but an entire character and heroine that completes this show. An openly gay role in American entertainment is like a Hollywood Archetype for "sidekick/best friend to make serious and dark topics seem lighter and funny." Uhm, no. Titus is different. He is known for how unapologetic and opinionated he is. Making him a strong character that you should not be messing with.

He taught me to be expressive and passionate. It's not easy to in New York, a place to live your dreams and other people who chose it to live their dreams. Titus taught me to never compromise doing what you love for the sake of fortune and stability. Rent should've been taking notes.

He taught me to stay true and continue to pursue your ultimate dream. Despite his self-centered and lethargic temperament, he is authentic and resilient. His character improves in the series without compromising his beliefs and goals. Eventually, he got what he's always dreamed of. Along with Mikee, which btw, I STAN their relationship and I’ve been rooting for them since their first conversation.

What Jacqueline taught me:

She taught me to never forget to look back at where I came from. Like Kimmy, Jacqueline tried to forget and abandon her past. Although it wasn't because of trauma and suppressed emotions, Jacqueline became neglectful of her roots. After massive shifts in her life, she eventually decided to go back and embrace her family roots. Which provided not only her peace of mind but also to fulfill a purpose that is anchored towards her family's heritage. Throughout the rest of the series, we also see how she kept in touch with her family and how they have been supportive of her as she rebuilds her life.

She taught me that's it's okay to start again.  After several mishaps in her lavish lifestyle, Jacqueline realizes that she has much more worth than a trophy wife. Her character developed as much as well in the series. Dealing with divorce, being broke, and having no experience to start a career. She killed it anyways.

She taught me to learn how to unlearn. Coming from a wealthy and obnoxious lifestyle, Jacqueline had to keep up with her change of status, which made her humble herself and put others first. Whether it was for Kimmy or a random stranger. Even with how she tackled love and dating. In season 3, she fell in love with a man because of his compassion and care for the better (which she broke off eventually when that man became a narcissistic, self-serving being). Towards the end of the series, she questioned a man who was attracted to her. Pointing out that he should like her for who she is and not just for her looks. Kudos to Jacqueline for being able to do an easy job in starting all over again—and—being able to do it in style.

What Lillian taught me:

She taught me how to fight for what I believe in. With her unconventional ways and dispositions, Lillian was the more badass gal in the group with her continuous fight for anti-gentrification and preserving the neighborhood. Including its crime-filled community, kind-of-unhygienic but vintage establishments, and torn down structures and buildings (give it a break, it's an absurd comedy). Even though some of her character's dispositions are impractical, Lillian taught me to always fight for what I believe in. Even if our beliefs sound impractical, we have a voice. What better way to use that than to speak them out and who knows, maybe someone will listen and take action with you.

She taught me to not care about what others think of me. Like Titus, this is what Lillian has been throughout the series. True to herself. Even when she started dating a rich man, and Jacqueline insisted she had a makeover when she was about to meet his family, Lillian didn't comply. She liked who she is doesn't care what people think of her. In this new age of selfies and personal branding, caring what other people think has been mainstream since we got introduced to social media. We can't blame those who do care because the internet says so. So next time I find myself overthinking what others have to say about me, I'll think of Lillian.

Final thoughts:

First, to say that the series is relatable is a downplay. This series attacks topics through its characters about modern and mainstream problems about society. They tackle it absurdly and funnily, but still quite agreeable.

Second, you can learn a lot from these four characters, and it's unlikely that there is a character from these four that you will hate. Because once you watch it, you will admit to yourself that, at some point, you may have been like a Kimmy, Titus, Jacqueline, or Lillian in your life. And I don't just mean on their mistakes and blunders. Just the entirety of how they represent what their character stands for. Especially with how their characters develop as the series profressed. This series stays true because we are only humans who make mistakes just as much as we will make successes from these mistakes. It's the circle of life.

And lastly, it's pure comedic genius work that is woke and hella funny. Kudos to the creators of this show. It sucks that it only lasted 4 seasons. You will love joining these four people in their adventure through life. And I agree 1000% to the series' theme: Females are strong as hell.

P.S. I'm re-watching it again. Feel free to judge. And I love you, Tina Fey

[altarflame]

Let me give you this real country music breakdown.

Keeping in mind that 2019 involved lots of gut wrenching transition, including divorce and selling my home of 11 years (the longest I’ve ever lived anywhere). Moving away from the tropics, to a place where the ocean is usually too far and my plants can’t live outside through the winter. I had a kid move out and away, for the first time.   My oldest friend also died last August, after a scant 3 month long battle with cancer. It was a real plague upon my proverbial dog, wife, and pickup truck. And, of course, I’m living through a pandemic, and a long overdue but very emotional racial justice uprising, with the rest of you, now. Anyway. OTHER than those things, my 2020 has been like...My sister’s gradually, gut wrenchingly cut off all contact with me over the past couple of years, culminating in the last couple of months, whenst we no longer speaketh at all. I’ve fought hard for this to be different and it’s still very sharp. I don’t think I’ll ever give up hope, or stop making a fool of myself about it. A new friend I was starting to really care about hung herself in April. I’ve tried to be there for her husband and 5 year old daughter when and how I can, which is honestly not much. I’ve taken several people who were scared to go alone, to her grave.  I felt forced to break up with the person I thought was my soul mate, these past 3 years, and wanted to be with forever, and I have grieved it hard over the last couple of months. I’m still processing this. I’m gonna be processing this for awhile. My threshold for being anywhere near him without overwhelming sobbing is apparently approximately 45 seconds. In the beginning we were scrambled together, mixed in a celestial bowl and hand fluffed with a feather. And the tears of bliss were not amiss - it was a good day.  But the story nears the present time Of restlessness and wake up calls Wake up! Years have flown fast but then who's counting The wars have been won but there's few left standing between us And the shadows of Christmas past... Critically acclaimed but sadly underrated - Fortune definitely favored us, but no one celebrated. Our wits were splitting at their ends... We gazed upon the city lights We each laughed aloud one final time and agreed: This is one thing we'll miss... On his way out, he sabotaged my part time foster child’s mom’s tenuous, fragile relationship with me, so I no longer have the ability to connect with or help that child who he brought into my life. Who I love and wonder about and periodically hear horror stories about via mutual friends. I bent over backwards, I burned calories straining for that trust between the mom and myself.  

It’s so terrible sometimes. It hurts so bad. Jean-Paul. LAURA.   *MILLS*  . Coralye. FUCK. This post brought to you with plenty of hard crying, and no shortage of echoing painful music. I’m physically sick about this shit semi often.  I don’t normally let go of anybody, guys. But certainly not my fucking nearest and dearest.  I have a lot. I have SO MUCH. I know this. I feel good a lot of the time.  I have all 5 of my kids under this roof while the pandemic rages on, and they’re all healthy and beautiful and they all love me and talk with me. It’s mostly all cake these days with them, Elise telling me where she is in her own solitary reading for pleasure, Ananda cracking me up, Jake biking to the grocery store for treats to share, Aaron showing me something amazing in the yard, Isaac washing dishes and giving me weirdly helpful and totally unanticipated advice. They’re almost no work now, it’s all return on investment and I have tons of privacy and I use the fuck out of it.  I’m deeply in love with somebody these past 7 months. Being deeply in new love AND devastated-heartbroken about lost love at the same time is honestly dizzying, I spent a first destitute day thinking maybe I can’t do polyamory anymore, period. Maybe this is too fucking much and I’m gonna be alone and focus on my career and my goddamned plants. (<--not fucking really, obv I am not gonna let the pain win and go full hermit. Brief compelling temptation, though.) My career and my plants are great, btw, thanks for asking. I’ve got basically my dream job, it’s flexible and lackadaisical AND meaningful and challenging, it’s salaried with bonuses and hella benefits and amazing job security. It’s the whole thing, the culmination of 6 years in school and unpaid internships and volunteering. I even have a spare PRN position elsewhere that I mostly hang on to because it’s fun when they want me to come make $200 for a shift, to mix it up a little.  And I have solo projects, writing and web and mental health, all in the works, and they’re good.  I have seedlings sprouting. I have a yard that is pure magic, revealing new secrets each day.  I’ve got some of my oldest people, like Jess. I’ve got some exciting new people, like Jill.  The love, did I mention it? Holy shit. I’ve got Sterling, and that is a whole other story. That it’s been this good while things are this bad is pretty astounding. His own drama quotient has been off the charts, too. I almost can’t imagine how wonderful it would be if we weren’t constantly adrift in a sea of bullshit, though I also strongly suspect we both need a certain staggering minimum quota of bullshit. It’s no accident that we met mutually chasing along after the wake of the same madman’s chaos. We’re nursing some deep wounds in each other, waking up some old old hurts and soothing them back down smaller and smaller. Anytime we’re touching it’s either syrupy soma sweet, blazing inferno hot, or a staggering blend of the two - and then we pull apart to try to actually speak with whole brains, and inevitably take turns being baffled, just hilariously relieved, at how easy it is to communicate. We alternate coming at each other on tiptoe, braced, and then feeling confused and just.... amused? Skeptical? that the other is totally able to empathize with what was just said and is accepting it gently.  We don’t have a ton of objective stuff in common, on paper. We’re both very wordy and linguistic, we’re analyzers, we draw unusual people who will feel safe telling us insane things. We’re both hypersexual perverts, chronic pickers, we both wear too much black. It doesn’t go a lot further than that at a glance. We both have PTSD and ironclad outward facing coping skills, nostalgia for the Florida Keys, scientific skepticism mixed with some faith in magic.... we were both brilliant children who felt pretty isolated. But I haven’t ever really felt like anyone is loving me the way I love people, before. I’ve never even felt like anyone else received my love, the same way I intended it, or at least not all of it. It’s like the intensity of what I’m conveying and meaning when I kiss somebody’s cheek, I dunno man, he experiences it. The goofy flowing sense I have, of holding hands, he comments on it all the time. I’m not just like.... alone, in my overwhelm with being touched, or my enthusiasm for sensations, and that is honestly pretty new to me. Sterling is not tolerating my affection for my sake, and I’m still gradually adapting to that with periodic backsliding into hesitance, and unneeded apologies. It’s like we’re totally fluent in the precise same love language, so nothing gets lost, and the feedback loop is instantaneous.  He’s dark inside, but dark like Nine Inch Nail’s A Warm Place. Dark like the womb.  So as I was saying. I have so much. Including a candle that’s about Mills, and is burning behind me, giving me this slipping sense that I need to blow it out, I need to reserve it, it’s gonna be gone soon. This one spans so many feelings, it’s been positive, some new candle would be what, voodoo? Meddling? I don’t know. This one’s been in a drawer, with our ring buried in it (my dragon). What will I do with that ring? What will I do with all this love?  How can I contain so much, anyway? Why can’t anything ever replace anything else? It’s like infinite space, and the empty places just keep throbbing, and it’s like I sprout new spots for new fullness and the cavities pulse on.  I’m deeply grateful for a certain self-completeness I’ve come to understand that I have, and that not everyone does. I am resiliant A-motherfucking-F (<--meta vulgar!). AND YET. OW OW OW.  I’m sitting here trying to exposure therapy my way through my Mills playlist, as I write this, so Spotify can’t surprise me into sads anymore. I’ve gotten already to a place where sometimes i remember positive things purely positively, and laugh and tell a story and it’s ok. I’m bitter as all hell that I can’t even talk to my sister about this breakup, after she had so many stupid goddamned feelings about the relationship itself, about polyamory in general, about ever knowing him (which might have allowed her to help me grieve at all).  Sigh. I love the internet, maybe feel free to send me a message if you’re still reading, whoever the fuck you are <3

[jiminieloved]

Anon: Have you ever found yourself thinking "Hm, maybe I read this wrong?" when you noticed some moments between Jk and Jm. By the way, I don't mean to say that they are "absolutely not" a couple (Although we'll never be sure unless they officially say it). As a supporter I have found myself sometimes thinking that maybe I'm "delulu" (as people like to call us supporters) and that maybe I'm just reading too much into it (pt.1) 

I feel like I think that way due to all the fans calling us "sick in the head", delusional, etc. But I just remember thinking that some of Jm and Jk's interactions were more intimate (when I entered the fandom, btw) and that's what led me to think: are these guys dating? When I entered the fandom, the first thing I came across was "taekook" and I looked into it out of curiosity (I used to be an anime fan so I knew about shipping, just jot with real people). sorry this is long And honestly I thought their relationship was cute, but nothing ever hit me in the face quite like Jk and Jm's relationship.

 I actually didn't "research" about the ship until months later bc of how popular "taekook" and "yoonmin" were (I don't know why but those 2 ships were being thrown at my face). Then I saw some videos (Not kookmin related videos) that got me thinking that these two guys had something going on. In fact, I was confused bc at the time there wasn't that much "jikook" going around the internet. In fact, I saw more videos saying that Jk hated Jm than anything else (I was lost bc what I was seeing told me the contrary). So I dived a little deeper into the internet and found some stuff that explained Jk's personality and reaction to Jm's affection. I then decided that people were dumb for spreading stuff such as "Jk hates Jm" and continued stanning bts 

Then came BS&T era and at this point I had learned about fan service and all of that, which could explain some stuff (although the fan service stuff never made me think "oh, yeah they're definitely dating), but I still felt something different coming from them. Time goes by and we get gifted with GCFT and at that moment I am 100% convinced they're dating. But during the same time, there was so much negativity and, may I dare say, rejection going on (don't know if I'm making myself clear) That's also when I started questioning myself bc I was afraid of "fetishizing" or being "stupid" and not focusing on the brotherly bond the members share between them. So I don't know if it's bc of the backlash and fandom or if you've also noticed some moments that seemed off. (Of course I'm not saying all couples need to be lovey dovey 24/7). Idk how to properly explain this, some moments seem so real and others seem off so I wanted your opinion. Thanks (sorry it was long :( )

I think you honestly have a healthy mindset. And honestly, if you’re worried that you’re fetishizing, you’re probably not. (It’s those that are making gross and overly sexual implications about a ship all the time with no regard for actual LGBT+ people and their struggles that are usually guilty of fetishizing.) It’s a complex topic, but based on what you’ve written to be me here I honestly get the feeling you are not fetishizer. 

At the end of the day, we’re likely never going to receive any absolute proof one way or the other. Bighit profits off shipping narratives, so even if they weren’t real, they wouldn’t tell us to stop. However, I do think that if we reach a point as fans where we are making the boys uncomfortable, they will set limits. (Ex: ‘Get out of your imagination’). 

There’s a lot of toxic discourse in this fandom because there are a lot of toxic people, and there’s a lot of name-calling and bullying. I’m sorry that its affected you to the point of thinking of yourself in these negative terms. 

Rosebowl, GCFs, their dynamics, and the shift in their dynamics specifically (going from roughousing buddies to very gentle and coddling with each other) is what sticks out to me as different. If they acted the same way with each other today as they did in 2014 I wouldn’t have this blog and I wouldn’t be spreading some of these topics. But there’s been a clear shift in their dynamics toward something gentler and more intimate. It doesn’t necessarily mean they’re a couple, but something is different. 

If it was just one specific moment that made me a supporter, I wouldn’t be here. But it’s a myriad of moments combined with subtle looks, touches, pet names, grand gestures, and a shift in dynamic (including a shift in hyung-dongsaeng roles that is culturally unusual) that’s odd for friends to go through that hints to me something is different between the pair. 

I don’t know if this answers your question, but these are my thoughts.