#this is my thesis thank you for coming to my ted talk

[mamawasatesttube]

*hands you a supernova* *hands you a supernova* *hands you a

[autumnwhistles]

On c!Martyn and Caring

Martyn and loyalty are two words that, in discussions, tend to go hand-in-hand. Whether it's praising his devotion to Ren or analysing his betrayals, he can never escape that contradiction. Is he loyal, or not?

I think it goes deeper than that. While c!Martyn is full of contradictions, it isn't only loyalty that's at the core. Rather, it's the wider subject of how he interacts with players at all, how close he gets to them, and how he reacts to caring.

It's both a question of how much, and how deeply, and contradictions are found in both aspects. On one hand, Martyn is a very solitary player. CC!Martyn says as much – that he tends to play a solo game, despite having a "person of interest" each time he'll check in on (whose back he has "until [he doesn't], until [his] sword goes in it"). On the other, he's extremely sociable – though he rarely gets close to others, he spends almost all of his time talking to others, joking with them, heading from group to group. On one hand, he's completely focused on self-preservation, willing to backstab and betray at a moment's notice if it suits his game. On the other, he has a capacity for honour and loyalty, and – crucially – losses do affect him deeply. Again, CC!Martyn describes this contradiction very well.

There are always these two conflicting wishes within him – for self-protection (whether from physical or emotional harm), but also despite himself, for care. And two quotes represent the contradiction. One in-universe:

I learned there was nothing in this world for me – nothing but walls, corners, edges. And you know what, you showed me life. As much as I’ve taken it from you, you gave it back to me in buckets’ fulls. - Shortly after Ren's beheading, 3rd LIfe

And one from CC!Martyn:

[Ren's final death in 3rd Life] was the moment that kind of broke character!Martyn and made him more selfish moving forward. - Martyn's post-Limited Life lore stream

A wish, and the consequences of indulging in it. It's a balance he'll have to walk for as long as the games continue.

So, let's explore it.

Pre-Win

It's pretty clear that walls, corners and edges are the only thing Martyn has seen for a long time now. After so many games, so much bloodshed without ever an end in sight – even after winning, nothing changes – it's hard to search for anything else. But back, back before the Red King's rise, seeing the world that way wasn't enough.

3rd Life

Martyn starts, as he always does, as a wanderer. He's a bit of an outsider from the beginning – he's not a Hermit, he was never a member of X-Life or any of Scott's other series, and though he has been in one MCC team with Scott and another with Joel, the people he's truly familiar with (the EVO crew) are by far in the minority. It's only really BigB and Skizz in the same boat.

It's no surprise, then, that he takes the first chance to form an alliance he gets (with members he's all familiar with) – the Blue Sword boys. But though he does think about the alliance far longer than the others do, it's not so much of an emotional commitment. We're still at the stage where he thinks there's "nothing in this world for [him]", after all.

There's another similarity between early game Martyn and the Martyn we're more familiar with: he's focused on survival from the start. He's always worried about Ren being too kind, about Ren spilling secrets. He hides his own resources (eg the Ender chest), he spends most of his time away from Dogwarts, he's ready to leave if Ren doesn't toughen up. In many ways, pre-Red Winter Martyn isn't all too different from post-3rd Life Martyn. He's always been worried about the impacts of others on his game.

What he's not worried about yet is the emotional impact on himself of others dying.

So he indulges in that life Ren has shown him gladly. He gladly takes up the mantle of Hand, of protector, taking no effort to hide his loyalties or to emotionally distance himself, and leaving no contingencies in case things go wrong.

Then, Ren dies.

Only a few metres away from Martyn, but out of his line of sight.

C!Martyn breaks. He'll live with the knowledge of the consequences of caring forever.

And we see this in...

Last Life

Is it better to have loved and lost, or to never have loved at all? For C!Martyn, it's cleary the latter. And there's one clear change in his alliances this time round that shows this: contingency plans.

Especially at the start, Martyn doesn't tie himself closely to the Southlands. He has options to escape them – Ren especially is an option if things go wrong, and later down the line he forms a whole secret alliance (the Shadow Alliance) as well. Of course, this means he'd have the option to use the Southlands to escape the Shadow Alliance as well, though since the Southlands does considerably worse in every metric, this never really becomes necessary.

He isn't tied as closely to Ren this time, either. Though they are allied, he's completely fine with attacking him in the Battle Royale at the end. Of course they planned to fight if they were the final two in 3rd Life, but there are still two pairs of alliances left – Scott and Pearl, and technically Martyn and Ren – and sticking with his doesn't cross Martyn's mind. Maybe accepting Ren's going to die, helping participate in that himself, is easier than trying to protect him and failing again.

So, Martyn makes efforts. But, despite this, he does end up getting close with his allies, especially with the Southlanders (excluding Grian) he had so many plans to escape from. He makes a habit of imitating Mumbo's intro at the start of each session; he votes to keep Jimmy in the alliance even after Jimmy had betrayed them by running away with a life they were passing around as a test of loyalty (Martyn's own life, no less). Viewing the world as only walls and corners wasn't enough for him back in 3rd Life, and no matter how reluctantly he tries to always give himself an out if things go wrong, it clearly isn't enough for him here, either – he does start to genuinely involve himself with them, genuinely care for them.

This care works, yet again, to Martyn's own detriment. Though it doesn't cause his death this time, he mourns them enough to hallucinate their presence – and, importantly the 'promise' of bringing them back to life is what the Voice (a mysterious entity that's been talking to him and telling him what to do for most of the season) uses to keep him obedient.

Martyn: And what if I don't like it your way? Voice: Do as we say. Martyn: W-Why should I? Voice: We can bring them back. Martyn: I don't believe you... Voice: We tell no lies Martyn: Fi-Fine! - LL Ep 8 intro, right after the hallucinations (seriously if you haven't watched any of his POV watch these moments). They're not brought back, of course.

He cares! No matter how much he tries to stop, or pretend he doesn't, c!Martyn is someone who cares deeply. That's something often missed in him.

And that's exactly why he takes so many measures against it.

Double Life

Devotion didn't work, and contingencies didn't, either. So, what does Martyn immediately do in Double Life after finding his soulmate? Cut Pearl off, even after both have been similarly abandoned. He can't take that chance again – he's learned twice now that having close bonds with others, whether you intend to turn on them or not, only ever leads to tragedy. He's learned that the hard way.

But... there is still someone Martyn tries to get close to. Cleo. It's the only time we ever see him actively trying to make a connection with someone, and whether tactics played a role in it or not, I think this is for one main reason: as they're soulbound, their lives are linked. For once, there's no risk of your closest friend dying before your eyes. For once, you don't have to plan to betray and escape, because it's not just one person winning the games – it's both of you, together.

And, for once, this works out for him! They don't win, of course – but when it comes down to it, him and Cleo do work together in their final moments. She doesn't turn on Martyn when he attacks Scott, and she fights Pearl with him. For once, he and his ally die together. In fact, this is the only time he arguably lost because he was too distant from others – it was his rejected ally who killed him, and it was him instantly turning on Scott after they were the final four which lead to the fight starting so soon. I do think Pearl and Scott were more likely to win even if Martyn had done things differently – both of them are very good in fights, and though Martyn is too, it's not Cleo's strong suit – but it's an interesting thing to note...

...Not that it changes anything about Martyn's mindset heading into the next game.

Limited Life

Why would Martyn's mindset change? After all, he successfully avoided what hurt the most, and so he instead doubles down. Yes, he's teamed with Scott – and even then, he's alone for the entire first episode, and only goes to Scott in the second after it's clear others have already formed their groups (numbers are a tactical advantage, after all) – but it's never meant to last. He'll protect him while others are standing, but the intention was always to betray him, to kill him eventually, thinking about it at least as early as Episode 4. To Martyn, their alliance is "fleeting and fragile" (linked in the previous clip), and there's even an excitement that comes from thinking about the betrayal. So, when the time comes to do this, he doesn't hesitate – though the Watchers' amplification of emotions did play a role (also in the lore stream), he's quick to turn on him and cut him down, expressing no apparent regret or remorse. Yet again, a success for Martyn!

...The thing is, all this comes at a cost. Those buckets' fulls of life he saw with Ren have emptied long ago, the corners and edges taking up his entire vision. Everyone is a number, a tactic, a liability, and the one who gave him those bucketfulls is fone. And in the end, being successful in his betrayal doesn't even change anything. Though part of his soul is protected from fragmenting (more info on what that means here), he can't know that. He's just thrust into another game with the same players, still missing Ren, to kill once again. He wanted so much for things to be over, to be the last one standing – "none of these niceties, this is a death match for a reason".

But... nothing changes. If surviving doesn't get you anything, and that was your only aim, that was what you gave everything for (alongside avoiding pain)... what, exactly, do you have to live for?

Post-Win

Secret Life

Now, I admit Secret Life came out at a time my interest in the Life Series was at a low, so I haven't actually watched anyone's perspective though (I did watch most of Martyn's, but the closest I got was watching nearly all of Etho's, since this was around the time of Decked Out 2. And I loved watching Etho play Decked Out 2). But there are two things to note with Martyn here. One, he's being a lot more reckless, partly because he's used to relying on hearts returning, but I think it's also because of the win being so inconsequential. Is there a point in spending all that effort surviving till the end?

Two, he's allied with... Jimmy?

If Martyn ends up hurt when his allies die before him, why ally with the player known for dying first?

Again, part of it may be tactics. Martyn nearly always spends the first episode wandering instead of immediately forming alliances, so he tends to team up with whoever's in a similar boat. But still – why pick the person known for permadying first? The person who Martyn had already been hurt by the death of once, in Last Life?

Maybe he's confident after Double Life and Limited Life. Maybe he thinks he's successfully managed to tread the line between 'useful ally' and 'friend you actually care about', and will be successful again. Maybe because Jimmy is so consistently first out, him dying early is more of an inevitability than a possibility (in Martyn's mind) – it won't come as a shock, and Martyn can be prepared. Maybe the fact that Jimmy did die that way in Last Life makes his inevitable death less impactful this time round.

Maybe it's also because he now knows winning gets you nothing, and he'd like to see those bucketfulls again.

Though it often doesn't show in the Life series itself, Jimmy is probably the closest person to him after Ren. For Martyn, the Life series is a direct continuation of EVO – a very long-running series in which his closest bond was with Jimmy, going through it all as a duo. He does express a wish to get close to him in 3rd Life because of this, but after Jimmy rejects him for Scott, Martyn stops bringing it up.

But they're close to each other, and met each other in a context other than the death games. Maybe this alliance is a way of trying to find that life again. I wish I'd followed the series closely enough at the time to see if it was successful, and I'll find out soon enough.

...Whatever the motivation, though, Martyn is there again when he dies (even after he's not the first out). And no matter how careful he might've been being, no matter how successfully he treaded the line the two times before – once again, it hurts.

"These idiots are just laughing. They have absolutely no idea … what they just unleashed. The hound of hell is coming. There will no bark. Only BITE." - Martyn internally, at the end of Episode 6.

So you'd think that after this, Martyn reverts to keeping his distance, right? He tried something and it didn't work, so he dials it all the way back?

In another world, maybe that would've happened. The thing is, there's one difference.

Ren.

Wild Life

This is the first season since Double Life where he spent the first session with someone else, and the first season ever where he goes with that person immediately and then sticks in an alliance with them until the very end. For once, it's a conscious and immediate choice to stick with one person (one not lifebound to him) – Ren's been gone too long, so die first or not, it doesn't matter.

Maybe that isn't the whole story, though. Because the recklessness, worse than ever, continues.

...Let's take a break, and remind ourselves of 3rd Life. Martyn was one of the last Greens, only dying in session seven, and was the second-last player on Green if we exclude BigB, who wasn't physically there in session 7 and so couldn't die (only Impulse outlived him). Let's remind ourselves of Last Life, which is even more impressive – he died for the first time in session 8, after half the server had been eliminated, and was the last Yellow standing. Even then, he successfully managed to hide for a long time, only dying because he got sick of knowing he was always being hunted and decided to mark his location to the Reds with lava to go out in a final stand, coming third overall. In Double Life, we have the same pattern – though he and Cleo went to Yellow after Martyn miscalculated when pushing her on a cliff, the pair were once again the last Yellows, and Martyn once again came third. He's actually the only player in Double Life who didn't die himself once (...though that's on a technicality, since he was directly behind his and Cleo's first deaths). In Limited Life, though he had a rough start, he won.

If pre-win Martyn is good at one thing, it's survival.

But after?

We've already talked about Secret Life, but Wild Life takes this newfound recklessness to the extreme. This isn't about placement – it certainly impacts it, but his last two deaths especially were caused by something else (...sort of) – but about the way his life is treated as an afterthought, completely secondary to the antics he wants to do in that moment. He comes across a wheat farm people are saying is trapped, and the first thing he does is pick a piece of wheat, stand on it and break it, to see if that's the one that explodes (none do, but he does this multiple times!). He starts a game of chicken under a ledge people are actively throwing TNT minecarts off of, involving himself in every round. He drops down to Yellow due to flicking a suspicious trapdoor in the middle of someone's base (because he was "bored")... and his immediate reaction to this is "okay, good"??? Though that may be because he can use the death to guilt trip others for resources, or to distract people so Skizz could try to get some kills (as he was trying to before), it still shows that he values his life very little. He's killed by Pearl because he turns his back to a player with a grudge against him (Martyn just blew up her entire team barring her), who'd already placed down an End Crystal (which was then destroyed by Martyn's bow) in the same interaction. He volunteers himself for a plan (by Grian) which involves him definitely dying and turning Red – Grian's pitch is "is anyone up for a massive sacrifice mission?" – due to being the distraction keeping everyone in place while Grian shoots an End Crystal at the place Martyn has gathered them. He does ask Ren if it's okay with him (clipped there tooo) before agreeing, but that's the only consideration he takes. With his first death to Scar, there wasn't much indication Martyn would be suddenly pushed off, so I'll let it slide (Scar was still Red, though). Scar attacking him the final time was similar... but it should be noted that Martyn died to his own creeper, saying "I at least thought we would both go out together" as a response (though he did die this way back in Last Life too, with an End Crystal instead). This is not someone who's okay. And Ren does pick up on this – not that it does anything in the end.

As a result, Martyn goes out before Ren – only his second time dying before an ally (BigB outplaced him in 3rd Life by one), and his first ever time dying before his closest.

And I can't help but think – was this the reason he was being so reckless? I'm sure being restless played a role as well, but if you don't care about getting to the end anymore since nothing awaits you there... the only way to escape the pain of losing an ally is being the one to die first. This way he gets to both genuinely enjoy the time he spends with someone, unafraid of what caring might cause, and to not feel the pain of losing them.

If this were the case, it would be a selfish move. But as we established at the very beginning – Martyn has always been one to protect himself.

Conclusion

What happens when you're trapped in a death game? When you know how everything will end, that those close to you will die; when you know yourself well enough to know you'll be affected? When you try not to care, but something inside you still aches for that little bit more – but also when, ultimately, you're your fist priority?

...In discussions of c!Martyn and loyalty, a thought that's often brought up is that Martyn never really cared about his allies in the first place. He was always planning to betray them to win, after all. Of course, the latter is true – at least before his win. But I think the reason behind it is a little muddled.

Martyn doesn't betray others because he doesn't care.

He betrays them because he knows he will.

[roxannepolice]

1. Argonians' are, overall, lizards, and their children are referred to as hatchlings, implying they lay eggs.

2. Their humanoid-like sexual bimorphism, however, implies they breastfeed.

3. Therefore, Argonians are egg-laying mammals.

Conclusion: Argonians are platypuses

[romanbridgers]

hmmm yes eddie deserves to be with someone he's genuinley excited to be with. has he EVER been with someone he's been excited just to be with yet??? i feel like the closest we've gotten to that was when he and shannon were sleeping together secretly in s2.........

[jamieedlund]

☁⚔The Magician and his Knight ⚔☁

(aka Soren and Callum being besties for an entire warm-up composition)

Extras of just Cally's warm-ups because these looks nice in a long post (╯▽╰ )💗

non of this is canon. somehow.

[runesinthenight]

There are so many ways that this is a different piece. Not only did they change how it is arranged and remove the context inportant to understanding the piece, but they changed "please take one" to an allergy warning.

The fact that they removed the "please take one" portion of it from a museum standpoint changes so much too. In a museum, you are not supposed to touch any of the pieces unless there is a sign which expressly says you can. The original sign expressly said that. That is the sort of sign that will get visitors to interact with the piece. I would take a piece of candy from that pile.

However, the new sign only has a warning on it. The first sentence is an allergy warning. That in it of itself isn't bad. Having an allergy warning is good if you're inviting people to take a piece of candy. The second line is a choking hazard. While this may be true, it feels more like a way for the museum to cover their ass.

Actually, that whole warning comes across as a legal message. It gives the feeling that the museum is putting all of the blame on you if you decide to eat the candy and something bad happens. It is not inviting. It puts off the visitor. I would not take a piece of candy from that piece.

Now, if in an ideal world where politics and political messaging were not involved and the change was purely for liability reasons, I still would have done it differently. I would have placed it under the "please take one" or on a smaller sign under the original sign.

Doing a little research, the signage for this piece has changed a few times over the years, some having the warning, some not, some mentioning AIDS, some not. But the main outcry has been when this sign does not mention AIDS because it is such an integral part of understanding the piece. This piece is meant to be interacted with and that interaction is meant to spark an emotional connection in the visitor. Taking and eating a piece of candy from it should make you think about Ross and his struggle. It should not just be "oh! Free candy!" That removes so much meaning with the piece. Especially to people who have never interacted with this piece or this artist before.

I am in the museum industry. This is my career. And signage is a critically important part of how a museum presents itself and interacts with the public. I really wish there was a way I could see all of the itterations of this sign and see how they've changed over the years and across institutions. Because this piece is on loan to the Smithsonian from the Art Institute of Chicago and I am curious about what aspects were or were not included as part of the loan agreement. But I also want to see when exactly the first sign was from. As doing a quick search shows that the Art Institute of Chicago aslo got into some hot water in 2022 for not including AIDS in the interpretive portion of their text (which is excluded altogether in the Smithsonian sign).

Signage can be difficult. It's a balance between too much text and not enough. You have to make signage that appeals to a wide range of visitors, especially visitors not knowledgeable about the subject. Art museums tend to lean on the shorter side of signage text with the curator often largely in charge of what does or does not go on. The second sign is an example of what I, in my professional opinion, would consider too little text as important context to understand and connecting with the piece is left out.

the david zwirner gallery and the felix gonzalez torres foundation in the smithsonian removed the descriptive plaque for portrait of ross in la by felix gonzalez-torres. the old plaque explained portrait for ross' origins as the artist's partner's aids related death, and replaced it with a plaque with absolutely no information about the piece itself, who ross was, or who gonzalez-torres was either. portrait of ross was also reeranged to lay on the floor long ways instead of in a pile as it typically is situated, and the plaque outside the exhibition FOR GONZALEZ-TORRES omits his sexuality, as well as his aids related death. i'm in utter disbelief

[strawbee-s]

i hate takes like this so fucking much OHHHHH my GOD.

[coefore]

I just wanna ask bc I'm curious, but why did you find Starscream being older than Megatron in tfone interesting? :0

I just like the concept of Starscream being more experienced, especially in terms of leadership. Sentinel berates him once he has captured him, but he also says that it had been pretty difficult to find the high guard, which means Starscream had managed to carefully and competently hide, feed and direct many troops.

Dee (just writing it like this because I feel dumb just saying "D" in the middle of a sentence lol), on the other hand, rose to the occasion with sudden violence and improvised rhetoric. He was good with it! He got all the old guys (gender-neutral) to shout his name and make a public spectacle of their new loyalty! Good for you my little dude, but being skilled with your mouth and words doesn't mean you actually know what you're doing!

Dee is an isolated twenty-year-old runaway driven mainly by revenge and betrayal who has murderous intent towards +*+The System+*+, which he has no clue how to dismantle effectively without the most basic gut feeling aka "kill the leader" (= Kill Sentinel; Kill Optimus, who reiterates the Primacy, which is now tainted in his eyes).

That doesn't work. The system will still stand without The Leader TM. He also has no theory on how Said System works, differently from some iterations like IDW Megatron, nor does he have a solid mutual-aid net of friends/"colleagues"/fellow abused bots that would follow him like TFP Megatron has in characters like TFP Soundwave or Dreadwing.

He has no clue what the hell he is supposed to do, especially regarding how to command an army of people who are twice (or more) his age. But Starscream does. It is fascinating because, if done well, it could give Starscream an actual and rooted reason why he wants Megatron out: he is too naive, too emotional, too young to do this efficiently.

Anyway, thanks for coming to my TED Talk (Grammarly made fun of me with the 🤓 emoji because it feels like I've written a paragraph on a PhD thesis but that's what writing a PhD thesis does to you 😭).

[varyingobsession]

greetings ladies et al.

this took me months, 3 drawing program switches (and subsequent almost losing/corrupting the whole almost finished file), many in-game field research expeditions, and honestly more literature review than i expected to make, but by jove if i cant go way too hard infodumping botanical and biochemical information to make a speculative biology "thesis" for no reason, then what can i do

written as presented by my silly hearthian xenobiochemist oc, jet :-)

also comes in pdf form for your convenience

slightly bc i saw this [eote/dlc spoilers] speculative biology post from @ms-marz and got inspired

thank you for coming to my TED talk.

[twostepsfromtemerant]

Okay but this joke only works if you have a working knowledge of historical performance practice in Western Europe

In 1682 even temperament wasn’t even yet a twinkle in a piano tuner’s eye because pianos hadn’t been invented yet. Instead instruments were tuned in such a way that the major 3rd was the purest interval rather than the octave as it is today. The result of this is that all intervals other than 3rds sound “wrong” to our modern ears.

It also means that different keys sound fundamentally different from each other. On keyboard instruments this is because of the emphasis on tuning 3rds, on winds and brass instruments this is because they were tuned to the natural harmonic series. Those are the only intervals that sound “true” the further away you get from C major, the angstier everything sounds because of the need for cross fingering and the increase of untrue intervals.

That’s why Bb minor is obscure and terrible. Ask any early musician if they want to play in a key with 5 flats and they will laugh in your face. C major, a minor, G major, and e minor are closest to C major and the natural tuning

And none of this takes into account the Doctrine of Affections and how music functioned as a rhetorical device in keeping with the teaching of the trivium. In Western Europe, but especially Germany, all educated people were educated on the art of rhetoric, and music functioned as public rhetoric. Composers and performers had a goal of creating a specific public emotional response from the audience to elevate the event they were attending be it church or a courtly dance.

Aus Liebe ist mein Heiland Sterben is in a minor specifically because of the emotional response evoked by the particular characteristics of a minor

The Hallelujah Chorus from Messiah is in D major not just because it is better for the natural trumpets, but because it sounds triumphant

Nowadays because of how music functions as background music rather than an integral part of public and private lives, and because of even temperament, all keys are fundamentally the same, only transposed by halfsteps

Further reading: Music as Dialogue by Nicolaus Harnoncourt

tag yourself

[salvadorbonaparte]

hello!!! I wrote my BA thesis on the reasons why we feel different based on the language we’re speaking and I just wanted to answer anon’s question about queerness! you’re right, research has shown people feel less self-conscious when speaking a different language. you learn your first language when you’re also learning to be a human and to feel things for the first time, and since the brain structures that make you learn languages are close to the parts which control emotions, you get very attached to the language and feel it intensely. it’s a language that is influenced by real experience, it’s not just something you’ve read in a textbook or seen on a language app screen. this is why “I love you” often feels very strong in your first language, and doesn’t feel as deep in your other languages. I’m Italian and I could say “I love you” to anyone in my life, while saying “ti amo” would entail I’ve actually found the love of my life. it mostly has to do with the way you learn the language and how you experience it. maybe anon feels like English is queerer because they experience a lot of queer content through that language, and maybe they don’t have the same amount of vocabulary or experience within the context of their mother tongue. if you’re interested in this sort of research, I recommend looking into the work of researchers pavlenko, dewaele and grosjean :) hope this was interesting thanks for coming to my ted talk mwah

Thank you anon! I should definitely look into that research because I find it fascinating 👀

[chthonicrose]

going to ramble in a deranged manner about aventurine hsr

spoilers for 2.1 msq

he doesn't hide the brand. he could easily wear a high enough collar that it wasn't visible--but something hidden is a weakness. if everyone can see it, if it isn't hidden, then it isn't a secret, it isn't leverage against him.

and maybe he isn't ashamed of it. it wasn't his fault he was enslaved, after all. and he won the bet. he wasn't sent to the gallows. he got of it what he could.

and he's still alive. still an avgin. are you the last member of your clan? perhaps. if any other children survived, are they like topaz, with no culture but the IPC? do they know the prayer to gaiathra triclops? and he knelt to press his hand to kakavasha's--he doesn't hate his child self. he remembers where he came from. he isn't ashamed of being sigonian, of being an avgin. the katicans destroyed everyone else, but he lives. and that's a blessing, right? he has the eyes, his mother told him, his father, his sister--he's lucky. he's blessed by gaiathra triclops. so this is luck, right? he survived. this has to be luck, that he lived when everyone else was lost. and he's never lost a gamble. (does he want to? what does he say, in the golden touch trailer--but life would be quite dull if it were just an unending series of wins, wouldn't it? does he want gaiathra triclops to take back her blessing? does he keep throwing the dice because he wants them to come up snake eyes?)

while I'm talking about the golden touch. the way it's framed, with baby kakavasha picking up the chip at the beginning at the end, the way he says 'you see'--teaching himself how to play the game, how to be the gambler. no one else will take care of that child, no one else is left.

what is it like, to see kakavasha in the theme park, happy, safe, his family just around the corner, just out of sight? is it worse to see a golden past than a cruel future, kakavasha harder to look at than "aventurine"?

kakavasha belongs to gaiathra triclops. aventurine belongs to the IPC.

there is no aventurine without the cornerstone. the cornerstone is shattered. and aventurine is dead. "dead". a gamble lost, or won. is there a way free on the other side of the dreamscape? did robin find it--robin who has no voice, robin who sings of gilded cages. what does sam know of the other side of the coin? firefly was there too. (hashtag firesam theory confirmed, save me robot girlboyfriend)

the way he pulls the gun in in the light cone animation. kill him. try it. (please?) a seduction, for the little death or the greater one.

anyway. I'm insane about aventurine I don't have a thesis I just have too many thoughts. thank you for coming to my ted talk.

[otrtbs]

May I ask your Marylily thoughts 🎤🎤

hello beloved anons! yes of course !! i am back to ramble <33

my marylily has to be a little fucked up. if you see me writing them where they are happy and whole and linking pinkies down the hallway then they’re just friends they’re not in love (cough. cough. ahb!)

anyway, my marylily thesis is that they’re each others achilles heels when they’re together, and it terrifies them and infatuates them.

i like my mary blunt and to the point. i like her when she doesn’t mince words and tells it like it is and lives in the exact moment. she says what she wants, wears what she wants, talks to who wants, does what she wants. etc. no thoughts about it. and she doesn’t give a fuck! what anyone else has to say about it…. (except for lily but we’ll get into that)

on the other hand, i love a lily who is so calculated in everything she does. there’s not a decision she makes that she hasn’t thought over 100 times. there’s not a hair out of place on her head or a lipstick smudge. to me , in my head, i always see lily as someone who is constantly trying to prove her worth/right to be here. (here being wherever she’s at in whatever story i put her in). and she does this by being perfect. <- something exhausting but highly rewarding. because i think lily has that ambition and drive that the rest of them don’t.

so when you put them together …. mary represents all the carefree and impulsive and gutsy parts of lily that she’s learned to suppress. which is something that lily envies but is also afraid of and lily represents this driving force this never ending well of ambition that mary can’t access for herself but often wants

it’s the perfect storm. mary forces lily to live a little on the edge and lily gives mary the push and drive she needs to keep a forward trajectory , but while it’s exhilarating it also terrifies them at the same time !! bc wdym you Live Like This!!!!

and there’s a lot of tension there bc they’re constantly pushing each other and pulling away from each other.

bc if lily lets herself lean into mary and act like mary and she gets rejected in anyway .,, those are the best parts of herself that she’s suppressed and not only is it a rejection of the person she loves but also a rejection of who she once was and secretly wants to be.

and if mary strives for perfection and falls short, who’s to say that someone as infallible as lily evan’s won’t wait for The Perfect One to come along? can mary stand being the one always falling short of the goalposts lily keeps moving for them ???

they’re the best parts of each other dialed up to 1000% and they are each other’s weaknesses and source of envy.

so yeah kinda toxic and a little messed up but i love them best like this !

thank you for coming to my ted talk!

[goodrealtorbadrealtor]

The issue comes moreso from people critically misunderstanding what antisocial personality disorder is.

A person cannot have no feelings. What we call feelings is a stimulus response that all mammals have. Without feelings, you would lack basic defense mechanisms, like fear.

The whole "sociopaths dont have feelings" rhetoric comes from two main symptoms: perpetual melancholy and seeming lack of remorse. The first is a common symptom of depression that im sure everyone can relate to on some level. The second is a defense mechanism; a defining characteristic of sociopathy is the desire to be "above" others, and showing remorse is a vulnerable position.

This mindset aligns heavily with dennis' trauma and subsequent behavior. In his sexual relationships, he strives for the exploitative authority that was imposed onto him by ms klinsky.

Lacking feelings is desirable to him bc his greatest fear is being victimized by the emotional manipulation he uses to maintain a sense of security. If he displays emotion, then it can be used as ammunition against him.

That is where the misunderstanding stems from: sociopaths hide emotion as a defense mechanism, so people genuinely believe they do not have feelings when they do, big feelings, even!

Dennis absolutely fits the criteria of aspd and was written intentionally to be a sociopath. The underlying emotions that construct his apathetic persona are not contrary to his aspd, but vital to understanding his sociopathic behavior.

I'm so over people calling Dennis a sociopath. If you think the man doesn't have feelings, then we clearly aren't watching the same show. If you need prime examples, just watch The Gang Tends Bar or Dennis' Double Life.

[joshbruh10x]

Wish I had enough energy to actually make something but nope so today I'm slapping you people with my Human Fazcule Au but using this template that I've used before but woah updated. Yes I speedran it for fun bc funni Im so normal 👍

Also bonus brainless sketches bc yes

Old version and random Headcanons and all the good brainworm stuff that im definitely so normal about under the cut. Read to hear me yap, skip to save your sanity and time :]

Random list of headcanons, why? Idfk

*Monty used to be the oldest, now the youngest. He just has that energy. Big manchild

*Freddy has Thai blood, Bonnie Korean blood, Monty Canadian with a hint of German

*Gregory is uhhh somewhere

*Legally Married bc I said so

*Between AUs, they personally have differences whereas the robots are taller than the actual humans

*They have second names in their full names (except Bonnie):

Gregory Clark Lawson

Fredrick Douglass Lawson

Byeong-Yeon Park

Montgomery Jones Cooper

*Monty's old design used to have a tattoo

*Bonnie is naturally Blonde

This is what being trapped in a classroom doing research and thesis papers does to a mf. Thank you for coming to my (quite possibly autistic) Ted Talk <3<3

[cinnamonbirb534]

Ai x Furina: A Comparitive Study of Love and Lies

Ok y’all strap yourselves in, ‘cause this is going to be one hell of a ride. 

To the five people who like Oshi No Ko + Genshin Impact + Read Tumblr Analysis Essays: hi how are you? Ok, now that the hook is done let’s cut to the thesis: 

Ai Hoshino from Oshi No Ko and Furina de Fontaine from Genshin Impact are incredibly similar and well written characters. In this essay I will state the commonalities between the writing of their respective characters along with their contrasting traits. 

Warning for 4.2 Update Spoilers and Oshi No Ko Spoilers. 

Furina and Ai are stellar liars. One of them managed to lie to generations upon generations of her world's population of her godhood while the other garnered a following of fans at the age of 20 who are willing to kill and die for her. A spotlight (whether it be metaphorical or literal) is always on them and they are constantly pressured to maintain their image. 

What is fascinating about both of their lies is their differing motivations.Furina lies because she quite literally has to save her country from damnation and Ai lies because she wants to figure out what love truly feels like. 

To cut things shorter, Furina lies out of love for her subjects while Ai hasn’t figured out what life is and lies for the sake of learning what it means to love. 

Let’s move on to: “ Love” as a motivator for both characters. In spite of their well made synthetic identities, love seems to be a persisting theme in both (at least that’s how I perceive it and it’s ironic considering that Furina is the archon of justice, not love). 

Ai was unable to perceive love, much less be open to giving love to other people because of her tragic past. But, she found a way to learn how to love through her performances as an idol, actress, and model. Desperate for a genuine connection with other people, she opted to be an even more convincing liar in the hopes that her lies would turn into the truth. To her, lying was her own way to regain her emotional autonomy of loving others. 

Furina’s love is innocent; it granted her the unwavering will to continue her act as the “Regina of all Waters” for 500 years. In a sense, Furina never really wanted to lie to her people; she just knew it was necessary to save everyone. Similarly to Ai, she never could really make a genuine emotional connection with anyone. But the key difference is that her lies prevented her from doing so, while Ai tried to use her lies in order to make an emotional connection. Furina managed to make emotional connections with others as “Focalor the archon” but not really as “Furina the human”. But regardless, she (as in, Furina the human) genuinely loved Fontaine as their leader but not as their god. 

In other words, both characters have my heart thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.