#this is my religion rant for the evening thanks for reading this far
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typical-simplelove · 2 years ago
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arianerisulhi · 17 hours ago
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Tw: rant about religion, i think thats all lol. Just me ranting cus I feel bad:
Today I went with my mom to a store, she wanted to sell the woman there some things that we had in a box. When we got there, we placed the box on the ground and she grabbed some things, going to the back of the store to show them to her, not before telling me to hold the box (it couldnt stand, if no one was holding it the things inside it would make it fall)
I stood there holding the box with one hand while looking around the store, there was a lot of very pretty crystals but I noticed there were some necklaces (also with crystals) that had the perfect shape for a pendulum... I have no pendulums, I want one to do divination bc I am a hellenic polytheist but my mother is christian and I have to hide the fact that I am not, pretending to still be a christian. I was excited and wanted to see them and try them, but they were too far away from were I was standing.
I tried so hard to balance the box, I tried so hard to reach out for the necklaces while knowing they were too far away, I felt so frustrated at not being able to grab them, and then I realized how this situation feels so much like me and my religion... I want to be able to pray and do divination without being scared my mother will hear or see me, I want to set up and altar, light the candle and give offerings to the gods but I cant.
I was reaching out to those necklaces, wanting to have them in my hands and feel them, knowing they are too far... even when I thought I had balanced the box, it would begin to fall and I had to return to grab it before I could reach the necklaces.
After a while of trying, my mother and the woman came back speaking about something (wasnt paying attention), my mother began holding the box, I was soo happy and finally, after so much trying, grabbed the necklaces... but my mother was now there, watching, I couldnt inspect them like I wanted to. I finally had them in my hands, but I was unable to do anything but admire their beauty.
This truly opened my eyes... I thought I was ok keeping my religion a secret but those necklaces, being unable to do anything, made me feel so helpless and frustrated, and thats how I truly feel, I want to do so much with the gods, but i cant. I have to hide it and pretend I am something else.
This is a depressing fist post but really wanted to get this out my system. If you are still reading, thank you :) I hope everything gets better for everyone out there <3
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jo-harrington · 8 months ago
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As Above, So Below - Chapter 6: Revelation
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Previous Chapter: Chapter 5 - Via Domus
Summary: More secrets are revealed to you as your reunion with Eddie comes to a close, and in their wake, a covenant is made between the two of you.
Word Count: 18.2k
Pairing: Eddie Munson/Fem!Original Character (Written in 2nd Person POV - You/Your - No Use of Names of Physical Descriptors)
Warnings/Themes: Van Helsing Inspired, Kas!Eddie, Religious Themes, Criticism of Religion/Catholicism, Fate vs. Free Will, Death and Injury, Graphic Depictions of Violence, Mentions of Major Character Deaths, Discussion of the Upside Down, Supernatural Encounters, Gore, Body Horror, Angst, Smut, Fluff, Monsterfucking, Slight Pain/Discomfort/Injury due to Monsterfucking (short lived), Unprotected PinV Sex (he's undead it doesn't matter), Oral Sex (M Receiving), Bloodletting, Defiling of Religious Grounds/Paraphernalia, Biblical and Other Literary/Media References. Dead Dove: Do Not Eat
Note: On March 27th 1986, Eddie Munson was left to his fate in the Upside Down and a year ago today I began this journey with Hell, the story of how he was left to his fate under Vecna's control. Now here we are, finally able to "see" what he became. The man turned monster finally revealed in his entirety. And all the...trouble that entails for him and his love, the Knight. Thank you to everyone who has read this series so far, who has listened to me rant and rave, who has stuck with me for this long. I love and cherish you. This one--hell, the whole story actually--is for you.
This series will not be for the faint of heart, nor is it something that was written with a general audience in mind. Please check the above warnings and ask yourself if you are in the correct headspace to proceed. I am happy to answer any questions via PM or Ask.
You can find my masterlist here.
Please do not interact if you are not 18+.
Enjoy!
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“And I’d choose you; in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, I’d find you and I’d choose you.”  - Kiersten White, The Chaos of Stars
November 6, 1983 October 15, 1987
It was dark and, although it wasn’t a place you would choose to rest, there you lay.
It was a welcome rest. All rest was welcome when you hadn’t had any for an eternity.
Countless days and nights you’d spent trying so hard to save him. Save yourself. Where did it get you?
Back into the darkness once again.
Fate was cruel.
And you were lost.
“Sweetheart?”
You could hear his voice faintly, and tears involuntarily escaped the corners of your eyes; he never called you sweetheart anymore.
"Angel, come on," he cooed softly, closer now, and closer still the longer it took. "Time to make the donuts, open your eyes for me. Please."
You took a rattling breath and you trembled all the while, as the fear that your mind, or maybe even this place, might be playing tricks on you became overwhelming.
Hands grabbed for you reverently--hands, not claws--and pulled you over and up, til you were sitting, and then a solid form slid behind you. The gentle soul let you rest back against them, and then caressed you.
You whimpered as those hands and fingers paid special attention to the most wounded parts of you, as they willed some kind of healing, and made you whole again.
You felt it slowly fill you. The light. So soft and pure.
It was something that you'd long since resigned to losing someday, your light, but here it was again. Not yours but made to be yours, because he was yours. Just like you were his. The light, given freely, returned all of the pieces of you that were missing, bit by bit.
The piece that had vanished from your sternum, the gaping hole that was taken from your side, the jagged incisions at every joint. They were filled and sealed and suddenly you were like new again.
Your eyes shot open, and you released a startled gasp as your lungs were allowed a full breath for the first time in ages.
And just like an infant experiencing the overwhelming majesty of the world for the first time, you sobbed.
"Shhhh," Eddie whispered into your ear. His nose and lips gently brushed the shell of it, and he left a kiss there when you finally relaxed against him. "I've got you. It's alright, it's gonna be ok. I’m here. I've got you."
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November 6, 1983
“…and there’s this ice cream cake called Viennetta.”
“Sounds fancy.”
“It is! It’s…vanilla and chocolate and the ice cream does this swirl thing.” You waved your hands for dramatic effect. “It’s delicious. Nonna got to try it before she passed. Said it was better than tiramisu.”
“Fuck, I miss ice cream.” Eddie groaned and tilted his head back.
It wasn’t said in a bitter way, more for dramatic effect.
You'd been shut away in the secret little house in the Upside Down for a few days now; making love, talking, and eating the little snacks that Wayne had brought Eddie previously. When he’d gone to bring you more sustenance from the kitchen after that first night of sex and reconnection, you’d asked him if he could eat normal food. He explained that he had never thought to try. All he craved was blood. But it was the idea of food that he missed more than anything. The variety. The choice.
You'd squirrel that thought away for later.
For now, the two of you lavished in the comfort of each other and you regaled Eddie with the less-adventurous aspects of your life--and he his--that you'd both missed out on.
Topics jumped back and forth between lazy kisses and frantic fucking, sometimes even right in between, interrupting your most intimate moments. It felt reminiscent of those early days together, where you couldn't get enough of each other and couldn't get enough of talking to one another.
Especially when it came to the things in life that passed him by while he was stuck in this infernal dimension.
People and events.
"This...nuclear reactor almost exploded."
"What the fuck? Like Ten Mile Island?"
"Worse."
"How much worse?"
"Like the Vatican almost wanted to send the Knights in to investigate."
"Damn."
Food and music.
"Van Halen is back together."
"Oh shit, they are?"
"Yeah."
"Soon as I'm out of here, I'm challenging Eddie Van Halen to a guitar duel."
"They have a new lead singer though. I think you'd hate them less now to be honest."
"Fuck David Lee Roth. Remember when I got you to admit you had a crush on him?"
"I was coerced. It was said under duress."
"If I had your phone number when I found out that they had broken up, I would have called you and laughed right in your fucking face, sweetheart."
Television and movies.
"There's a new James Bond movie coming out," you broke a heated kiss and pushed yourself to sit upright on Eddie's hips, groaning at the change in angle as you sunk further down onto his cock. He stretched his neck and then grabbed at your hands to kiss your knuckles as you took the lead in both the pace and the conversation. "And a new James Bond."
"No more...what's-his-face?" he asked, panting. "Roger Moore."
"No, Timothy Dalton," you said, looking at his face expectantly for some type of reaction. You rolled your hips into his roughly, almost as punishment, when you got no response other than pleasure. "You remember, the guy from Flash Gordon? You made me watch that movie a hundred times. Prince Barin? What about Jane Eyre?"
He stilled beneath you, brow furrowed in concentration.
"You made me watch that one a hundred times."
"No, there were just a hundred episodes. Remember I said you would make a good Rochester? And you said it was because you were..."
Eddie grabbed your hips and canted up into you, a feral grin on his lips now, fangs glinting in the low light.
"Because I'm handsome and mysterious," he recalled. "And a desirable bachelor."
"And I said no," you collapsed back against him again, lips brushing against his. "It was because your name is Edward."
You reconnected for a bruising kiss before he got the upper hand once again and got you beneath him.
It didn't matter what or when, every moment and every word was of the utmost importance; the actions that they were preceded or punctuated by simply added to the depth of your reunion.
In those private little moments, between silly banter and declarations of your devotion to one another, you promised never to be apart again.
"Once we get you out of here," you said, words hushed against his cold skin. "We can go to concerts and see movies, drive anywhere you want. Get the hell out of Hawkins and never look back."
"Once I get out of here," he parroted as he broke away from his intense feeding. "We'll go everywhere and do everything. Start a new band together or just find a place with a nice couch to sit and never leave. I never want to let you go."
"All I want," you and Eddie echoed to one another over and over, "is to be with you forever."
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It took three days before the two of you emerged from the peaceful solitude of Eddie's childhood home.
The watch on your wrist beeped at some supposed midnight every night signaling the end of another day, and Wayne's visit was soon upon you. You figured, instead of just asking for Wayne to fetch your bag, you'd just return to Hawkins with him and get it yourself. Maybe some books you'd abandoned in the trunk of your car too.
Then you could really get to work remedying this whole situation, and getting Eddie home.
Eddie was loath to let you go, though; he watched as you got dressed in your ripped and stained clothes, arms crossed behind his head comfortably while enticing temptations leached from his lips.
"I can just go," he offered. "Wayne'll have fresh food for you and then you don't need to leave until three days after that. How does that sound? Stay with me just a little longer."
"Eddie," you groaned. "I've already been gone long enough. As nice as that sounds, I'm sure your friends--hell, my friend--is wondering where I've disappeared to. They've found my car by now too."
"I can send Chrissy or Fred to tell them you're ok."
"That'll go over well," you rolled your eyes.
You shrugged your jacket on and in a blink, he was standing before you, still naked, eyes wide.
"Jesus," you jumped, startled.
"Guess again," he teased tensely.
"You're...fast," you squinted your eyes at him, motioning between him and the mattress.
"I have a few tricks that I take advantage of when I'm in the mood for them. Some things Vecna showed me; y'ain't seen nothing yet sweetheart."
You hummed a noncommittal response and just stared at him, let your eyes rove over his form once again, taking in as much detail as you could before you left him.
"Pretty sure I'm seeing a lot of you, actually," you told him, voice laden with appreciation for the sight before you.
You reached out and ran a finger over one of the seams along his skin, around his wrist; so much time over the past few days had been spent reacquainting yourselves, and you wondered if you spontaneously lost your sight, would you recognize him by touch alone?
So much time had been spent with the phantom presence of him around over the years, though, that it really didn't matter either way; your soul would sing simply by having him nearby.
"Alright," you sighed lamentingly. "Put some clothes on Romeo. Time for me to go back to Verona."
Another blink and he was on you. His hands cupped your face, fingers splayed across your cheeks and jaw, edging the exposed bite wounds.
"Promise me," he muttered and leaned closer so your noses brushed and breaths mingled. "Promise me you'll be back."
"I promise," you agreed.
"Tomorrow."
"Yes."
"When the watch beeps at midnight again, I need you back here," he pleaded. He pressed the lightest kiss to your lips. "Please don't leave me here."
"I won't," you said with finality, as you looked into his eyes with the fire of promise and determination. "Nothing could keep me away."
Satisfied, he moved in a blur, and then stood before you again, fully dressed in a new pair of jeans and a t-shirt. He shrugged his jacket back on and then gestured for you to take the lead.
The walk back into the Upside Down's version of Hawkins seemed quicker this time. Probably because the two of you actually talked, a continuation of the conversations you'd started over the past few days.
Eddie was more eager to show you the sights around Hawkins again, less fond memories and more "could have beens" that turned into "will be one days."
"Some days."
It filled you with hope.
You were also much more comfortable with the creatures that roamed around. The bats overhead and a herd of demogorgons that ran alongside you at one point; they largely ignored you and so you ignored them too.
A curious little demodog approached you though; well, it approached Eddie, jumping and whining to get his attention. He let go of your hand and knelt down to give it a few pets, and then even took your hand so it could sniff and receive a pet from you on its slimy head, which it eagerly accepted. The creature was much friendlier than the demodogs you'd encountered previously, and you wondered if it was Eddie's influence that affected it, much like Dustin and his pal Dart.
You weren't nearly as hesitant as you had been with the bats; you trusted Eddie, which meant you had to trust them too. And he was just as gentle with the demodog as he had been with any of the cats or critters around Forest Hills, like Lucy and her kittens.
"Cerberus," he grinned proudly as he introduced his friend. "Not the first of his name, unfortunately, but a loyal friend nonetheless."
Once Cerberus was on his way, you both continued.
"Wish there was a faster way to get around here," you commented about halfway through the journey, feet starting to ache in your sneakers. "Do any of these cars work?"
"I, uh, never tried them," he admitted. The corner of his mouth twitched as he fought a smile. "I honestly get around quick enough."
"Uh huh," you rolled your eyes. "Mr. Speedster here. Who runs faster, you or The Flash?"
"I'm more partial to the Reverse Flash, actually," he reminded you.
"Nerd."
Before long, you arrived at the dry waste that was this world's Lover's Lake and stared at the glowing, smoking fissure that originated at the center and ran towards the center of town.
"Where'd all the water go?" you wondered aloud.
"I dunno, the lake was dry when Nancy and the Wonder Twins and I crossed over way back when," Eddie sighed. He got that sly look on his face again. "I could try to open the gate a little wider. See if I can drain the real Lover's Lake?"
"Don't you dare," you backhanded him across the arm, but he pulled you into his embrace.
"Just say the word and I'll do it."
"No!"
"I'll give you anything you want."
"Stop."
"What is it you want, Mary?" he quoted, taking on Jimmy Stewart's vocal cadence. "What do you want? How about the moon? Just say the word and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down."
"I hate you."
"You love me," he grinned proudly and then kissed you again.
It felt like a kiss of finality, a goodbye kiss, like the one you shared when you left Hawkins; it was bittersweet and left a painful ache in your chest, even though you knew you'd be back in a day. Eddie must have felt the same though, because when you pulled away and looked into his eyes, you found they were wet with tears, just like they had been then too. He blinked and one lone tear--made of thick blood instead of water--rolled down his cheek. You reached up to wipe it away, and he grasped your wrist so he could kiss the droplet.
"And I love you," he whispered against the pad of your thumb. "Love you so much I'd give you the moon."
"I'll take it."
"Well look at that," a groan of a familiar voice interrupted the sweet moment, and you both turned to find Wayne pulling himself through the gate at the shore of the lake. You quickly rushed forward to help him to his feet, as he stumbled and wheezed and coughed. "Fancy seeing you here honey. Guess the cat's out of the bag."
"No thanks to you," you ribbed him good-naturedly.
"You figured it out on your own, otherwise you wouldn't be here," he teased and then looked past you to Eddie. "Good to see you kid."
"Hey Wayne," he greeted his uncle.
"Looking more like yourself," Wayne nodded appreciatively.
"Feeling more like myself."
"Hmmm," Wayne clapped a hand on your shoulder and then winked at you. "Wonder why. Makes me feel almost silly that I'd had the brilliant idea to bring some of Rick's old tapes over today."
"C'mon, you know I'll take whatever music I can get my hands on. Everything here is pretty much covered in gunk anyway."
You watched their interaction fondly as they bickered back and forth like they always had. Eddie clapped a hand on Wayne’s shoulder and made him laugh, and Wayne cupped the side of Eddie’s head affectionately, the closest they would get to a hug for now.
Eventually, Wayne hefted the backpack from his shoulder and unpacked all sorts of items for Eddie: clothes, food--more of Eddie's favorites--tapes, and a new book.
Suddenly what he said back at Rick's the other day made a lot more sense.
"Shit, what's a guitar gonna do, or snacks, or...or a t-shirt? When he's stuck in Hell?"
He hadn't been talking about what he'd done when Eddie was wanted for murder and was then believed to be dead; he was talking about this right here. A futile effort to bring Eddie comfort while he was stuck in the Upside Down.
That sinking feeling that you had felt when he'd said that to you was back, worse now knowing that it wasn't just grief he'd experienced, but the constant reminder of his failure to run with Eddie while he could.
You found yourself even more determined to fix this; not just for Eddie, or for you. But for Wayne too.
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October 16, 1987
It had taken a little time.
A little elbow grease, a little prayer, a lot of Wayne's mechanical knowledge and jumper cables, but before long you were back in the driver's seat of the Marquis, headed for the Harringtons.
Driving through town had a different weight to it now. There was no insidious evil lurking beyond sight and understanding, it was just Eddie.
Yes, there were still many obstacles to face before things were made right again. But it wouldn't be such an impossible, herculean task anymore to fix things, would it?
But people still died. There were still dark creatures roaming about. Eddie was stuck in the Upside Down and had still resurrected any number of people, which was a big deal in and of itself.
And you were still burdened by your family's curse.
"Right," you muttered to yourself. "All of that. Fuck."
What you wouldn't give to return to the bliss of Eddie's arms right now instead of face that ever-growing list.
"One thing at a time." You nodded and tried to keep your eyes on the prize. "First let everyone know you're alive, then figure out how to get Eddie out of there. The rest will follow."
If only things could be that easy.
You almost--and quite literally--ran into Steve's maroon BMW at some point on your drive. Tires screeched, curses shouted, and then you followed the gang back home. Dustin and Robin bickered in the back seat of Steve's car and you watched their animated expressions, arms flailing as they did. It warmed your heart, made you realize how much you had come to care for them and miss them, even in a few short days.
You beamed brightly as one specific scathing remark from Dustin made Steve turn around in the driver's seat to give a warning glare.
By the time you parked behind Steve at the Harrington's, Dustin had bolted out of the car to greet you and, in a full 180 from his behavior in the car, essentially tackled you in a hug.
"You made it back," he sounded relieved, "We were getting worried."
"First off," you scoffed and flicked the bill of his hat. "I wouldn't expect any less, you little worry wort, especially after three whole days. And second, mister, you have some explaining to do."
“Three day—wait,” he stumbled over his words. “Me? I have some explaining to do? Why? What’d I do?”
He twitched and shifted nervously, then his eyes roamed over you, really taking in the beaten, bruised, and bitten nature of your appearance. His eyes widened and he opened his mouth to say something when a car door slammed heavily and another voice chimed into the conversation.
“Actually, I think it’s you that owes us an explanation,” Nancy announced, arms quick to cross over her chest. You could feel the ire come off her in waves. “Did you think Claudia was gonna keep Billy a secret from everyone else just because you decided to stay with Wayne Munson instead of here?”
Maybe it was the reunion with Eddie that made you more patient. Forgiving. You already gave Nancy the grace that she, understandably, didn't seem to have for anyone else outside of her inner circle, and you thought, once again, about how much the two of you were more alike than different.
Maybe in a different world, you might have been friends.
Instead here, she very much felt the need to be your enemy.
Because the entire world was her enemy thanks to the shitty hand it dealt her.
You could be whatever she needed you to be until she saw that you were not against her, the way she believed you were.
"It's good to see you too Nancy," you deadpanned. "I didn't think it was going to hide the truth from everyone if I left."
"So you just wanted to leave the others to the consequences of your decisions rather than face them yourself," she accused.
"No I thought it would be easier if you all didn't see my face every day, especially with how royally I was fucking everything up," you told her. "See? I can admit when I fuck things up. This isn't the first time. It happens a lot actually."
Her face crumpled in a scowl.
"I know it isn't a surprise," you continued. "Because you seem to think I'm the one who continues to bring misfortune to Hawkins but we both know that it's been here regardless of my presence or not. Just like Kas would still be around whether or not I was. Isn't that right?
"Or should I say Eddie would still be around?"
Steve, Robin, and Dustin stared at you with wide eyes, but Nancy smirked and threw her hands out with a sarcastic laugh.
"Thank God, now we don't have to keep that secret anymore."
"I don't know why you thought it would be ok to keep it a secret in the first place," you shook your head. "As if I wasn't going to find out at some point."
"It was me," Dustin insisted, stepping between you and Nancy with his hands out to placate you both, as though you were about to lunge for her or something. Or maybe Nancy was going to lunge for you.
Whatever foresight he had, it was unnecessary.
As was the ashamed look on his face.
"I didn't want you to know what he's become," he explained. His voice was low and he refused to meet your gaze. "I didn't want you to know--"
"He didn't want you to know Eddie's an evil monster," Nancy chimed in. Steve and Robin both shouted her name in shock. "Am I wrong? Look at everything he's done? Done to Hawkins? Done to us."
"He helped us!" Dustin argued. "Helped us defeat Vecna."
"And look how many people died Dustin! How many people he killed?He's a monster! Don't tell me you'd rather have him back. Don't tell me you never thought that he should have just stayed dead in the Upside Down, instead coming back to kill everyone we love."
"Hey!" You shouted at her now. You stomped your foot, hard, against the concrete driveway and drove enough of your power into the ground to cause it to shake. The reverberations threw Nancy off-balance for a moment, and she fell against the car for support. "That's enough! Don't be an asshole!"
"Yeah," Dustin nodded his agreement with a glance back at you, before he turned back to Nancy to restart his own onslaught.
"You either," you pushed his shoulder to get him to stop. "Fuck, we're not gonna fix this if we're too busy arguing with one another."
"Fix this?" Nancy scoffed. "You think you can fix this? Fix Hawkins? What's next? Can you time travel? Go back to 1955? Kill Henry before he can become Vecna? What else? Can you bring back the dead?"
"I can, actually," you said, a shocked silence falling over the driveway. "Maybe not in the way you think. Maybe not everyone. But Eddie brought the dead back, didn't he? Brought Max back. Eleven did too. So is it really a stretch to believe I might be able to.
"I can't bring back all of your loved ones, but maybe I can help fix this. Put this town right. Close those gates for good. Help you get closure. Move on with your lives, instead of being under this constant...shitstorm of death and destruction."
Nancy recovered from her shock and took a few calming breaths.
"And what does that all entail?" she asked. "You gonna bring Eddie back to this world too? Fix him? Does he get a clean slate? A fresh start? In spite of everything?"
"Not in spite of it," you told her. "Because of it. Everyone gets a fresh start. A second chance."
"Forgive me if I find that a little too good to be true."
She turned on her heel and stormed into the house with Robin hot on her heels.
You let out a relieved breath and relaxed your posture.
"I'm running out of these motivational speeches," you said aloud.
"You're really good at them," Steve offered as he joined you and Dustin. "Better than I am."
"I usually just tell people to run and they listen."
"You're really good at that too," Dustin added. You put your hand on his shoulder and squeezed it.
"You could have just told me about Eddie," you said to him gently. "Honestly, I think it probably would have worked out a lot better if you did."
"I didn't...I didn't want to hurt you," he sighed.
"First of all," you let out a self-deprecating laugh. "Clearly I needed help figuring it out. And second, I hurt myself more by trying to fight an invisible enemy than if I just knew he was Kas. I could have started fixing it from the get."
"Can you fix him?" he asked hopefully. "Get him out of the Upside Down?"
"I can try." You jumped at the sound of Eddie's watch beeping on your wrist. You looked down at it and frowned; the display read midnight...but it was the middle of the afternoon. Weird. You pressed the button to silence the alarm. "I just need to get back."
"You, uh," Steve pointed at his neck. "You've gotta fix yourself first. Need a little first aid there bud?" You had half a mind to flip him off.
"Yeah, Jesus," Dustin reached up and pulled at the collar of your jacket to reveal your bite wounds; he blanched at the sight of them. "Did...did Eddie do that?"
"Uh," you nudged his hand away. "No comment. But yes, uh, maybe some first aid. And some dinner. Then I can head back to Wayne's for a good night's sleep. But uh...a good shower and some disinfectant cream would be great."
The three of you headed inside.
"We just set up a makeshift infirmary yesterday, actually. Pretty well-stocked and everything," Dustin announced matter-of-factly.
"Oh yeah? What for?" Both boys stopped in their tracks and you felt the guilt oozing from them. You shot them with what you were sure was a withering stare. "What's the infirmary for, guys?"
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"What do you mean you got struck by lightning?"
"I got struck by lightning," Mary Victoria shrugged from her place in bed.
She was propped by many pillows, had a stack of comic books beside her--courtesy of Dustin--and was scribbling in a fuzzy purple diary when you walked into the room the two of you had been staying in. She looked relieved to see you for a literal second until she saw the worried look on your face, and then immediately devolved into making excuses and saying she looked worse than she felt.
But truly, she did look terrible.
Her neck and the visible part of her right arm were bandaged up, eyes concerningly bloodshot, and the ends of her hair singed.
You offered to heal her one moment--and she denied you, claiming she'd have a cool scar to show off and guilt people with--and then demanded the story the next.
The story, unfortunately, seemed unbelievable.
"I pissed God off, and he smited me," was her explanation. Simple as that.
Great.
"That's not a thing," you scoffed.
"Are you sure about that?" Mare narrowed her eyes at you in suspicion.
"Alright, it sort of is, but," you sighed. "It's not God. It's usually some...I don't know...other being of higher power. Angels...Jesus Mare, you're a nun. Sodom and Gomorrah. You should know this."
"I never claimed to be a good nun," she shrugged then winced. "You know this."
You reached across to take her hand and you willed a sense of soothing from your body into hers; not enough to heal her wounds, but to give her some relief.
"So...an angel smited me then," she shrugged again, easily this time.
You snorted for a second thinking of Gabriel, bored of watching your eternal struggle and smiting Mary Victoria for fun just to spice things up a little bit. He didn't have that much of a sense of humor though.
“I’m gonna bank on it being coincidental; what did you even do to incur some holy wrath?”
“Called Him an asshole.”
“You’re fine. I do that all the time.”
“You’re also doomed to Hell. So I don’t think smiting is gonna do much to change you.”
She closed her eyes and leant back against the pillows.
"There's something else," she announced.
"Ok..."
“I know I’m already here and it’s already too late, but what if I don’t want to be a Knight?”
“Then you don’t have to be,” you told her immediately with a gentle smile.
She popped one eye open and then frowned.
“Seriously?” She asked incredulously. “Just like that?”
“I mean, you didn't take an oath or anything, and yeah you're here. It's not like I can send you home so we need to see this through but," you tilted your head back and forth. "You're allowed to choose. Everyone is allowed to choose what it is they want. All of the Knights made a choice, even me."
"But I think this is why I got struck by lightning. Because I changed my mind. I chose to come with you, I left everything behind, and I still chose to change my mind."
You opened your mouth to speak, to refute her belief and spout something that she'd already heard from you a hundred times--how fate was stupid and God didn't have some master plan--when Eddie's watch beeped and interrupted that train of thought.
You glanced down at it and pressed the button to silence it.
Midnight again.
There was a split second where you thought it was funny; either time was moving slower, or the watch was moving faster. But that led you to another thought, more relevant to the conversation at hand.
You sighed and let it roll around in your head for a moment, let it marinate, before you spewed some bullshit on your friend.
"I'm gonna say something a little hypocritical," you offered. "And you can take it any way you want. What if...what if the lightning wasn't a punishment. It seems like a punishment, that's how you're choosing to believe it. But what if it was a sign that you're making the right choice by deciding you don't want this life."
"That's kind of a funny way for the universe to tell me I'm doing the right thing."
You looked back down at the watch.
"I guess it's all just a matter of perspective."
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You left Mare to her thoughts as you went to shower, tend to your wounds, and change your clothes. You took your time with it too, hot water be damned; you deserved the time to yourself, to take care of yourself.
The sustained damage and grime of several days in the Upside Down made the shirt and jeans unsalvageable; however, the sentimental side of you couldn't bear to part with your jacket. You hand washed it in the sink, wrung out as much of the dirt and sweat and blood and muck as you could, and laid it over a chair in the dining room to dry as you shared a hearty meal with Dustin and Steve.
They waited to eat with you, instead of the other inhabitants of the house, who--as Nancy had revealed--all knew of the situation with Billy and were less than pleased with your involvement or your return.
So the boys spared you another bombardment of questions and accusations, and chose to eat with you instead.
It was...normal.
Or as close to normal as you were gonna get.
And it was nice.
"You need a break," Dustin said as he scooped now-cold mashed potatoes into his mouth. "We all do, honestly."
"Mmm, I don't think my boss is gonna let me have that," you snorted a laugh. "But it's a nice thought."
Conversation flowed easily, and of course strayed to Billy, who you learned was doing alright, but was still tied up in the garage for the time being.
"News travels fast through the Hawkins grapevine," Steve said with an exaggerated roll of his eyes. "But, uh, now Max knows he's here."
"And she wants to come and talk to him," Dustin added.
"So, you should let her," you suggested.
"I thought we already established that wasn't going to happen," Steve argued.
"Hey," you held your hands up defensively. "You brought it up. All I know is, something is going on with Billy...some side effect of his resurrection. Maybe even his death. Maybe seeing Max...talking to her will help him work through it."
"I brought it up so you could ask Eddie to undo whatever the fuck it was he did to bring Billy back in the first place."
"Uh huh." You pursed your lips and dragged your fork lazily across your plate. "I'll add it to my to-do list."
"I'm surprised that you hadn't asked him about Billy already."
"You know, my boyfriend who I haven't seen in 3 years, who I thought was dead for the last year and a half...asking him about Billy Hargrove wasn't a top priority."
Steve groaned and made a gagging noise. Dustin turned in his chair and wrapped his arms around himself as he made kissy noises to mock you and Eddie making out.
You laughed and thought of the many times Gareth or Mickey would do the same things--any of the guys really--when you tagged along with Eddie during their hangouts or band practices.
You missed the feeling of belonging, of having these pseudo younger brothers. And you knew Eddie must be missing them as well, Dustin especially.
You had half a mind to ask them where the Corroded Coffin boys had disappeared to, if they knew Mickey or Jack's families, if they were still in town--
Beep beep. Beep beep.
"What's that?" Dustin asked as you groaned and hit the button to silence the alarm. "S'that Eddie's watch?"
Midnight again.
"Yeah he gave it to me to...I dunno, prove this point that he only sent the creatures to feed every third day," you shook your head and then did some mental math. "So I guess they should have hunted yesterday. Right? Sixteenth, seventeenth, eighteenth. But the watch keeps saying it's midnight. I don't know. I think coming through the gate fucked it up and now it runs fast. It's the nineteenth and the watch says it's the twenty-first."
"Today's not the nineteenth," Dustin frowned. "It's the sixteenth."
"No it isn't. It's the nineteenth, I was in the Upside Down for three days. Maybe four?"
"That's why you said three days earlier?"
"Why else would I say three days if I wasn't gone for three days?"
"You were gone for a day," Steve explained. "Barely a day. You left last night before it started raining."
"No I didn't, I--" Your words fell short when Dustin shoved his own wrist in your face, and you looked at the flashing digitized date and time.
"You know," he swallowed thickly. "Way back when, we figured out that time is stuck in the Upside Down. Like, it's perpetually stuck on the day Will first disappeared. November 6th, 1983. And for a little while, before Vecna came back, we thought that we could...restart the timeline or something. Save all of our friends who died. If only we could...I dunno, access the past."
"I've seen a lot of shit," you muttered. "But time travel definitely isn't one of them."
"Obviously, it didn't work," Steve deadpanned.
"No shit!"
"But maybe," Dustin continued over your and Steve's quick bickering. "Maybe it didn't work because time isn't really stuck in the Upside Down. Vecna manipulated the Upside Down. Will did too--"
"And Eddie," you cut in. "He...he created a house from his memories. From when his mom was still alive."
"So the Hawkins in the Upside Down is stuck in the past, but time is actually moving faster."
You could feel the electric buzz as the three of you considered the implications of it all.
Time moved faster, which meant Eddie might not have just been stuck in the Upside Down for a year and a half...but years. Your heart ached at the thought of him there, alone except for the creatures and Vecna. Years. Maybe decades.
And you...you'd only been there a few days, sure. It felt real. The hours, the days...they had felt real. You slept, you got hungry, you ate. But in this world it was only one.
You looked at Eddie's watch again, and your heart dropped into the pit of your stomach.
The watch had beeped three times. Signaled midnight three times.
"Fuck!" You bolted to your feet and grabbed the still-damp jacket from the chair beside you. "Fuck, fuck, fuck!"
"What? What's going on?" Steve shouted.
"I need to go," was your only explanation. You briefly considered grabbing extra supplies--food and first aid--you thought of the books in your trunk, and your bag full of clothes. But it didn't matter in the end. You threw the jacket on and ran for the door. "I need to go. Don't wait up...I'll be fine just...fuck, I need to go!"
You were not precious about getting in the car or backing out of the driveway, and you might have even clipped the Harrington's mailbox as you threw the car into drive to race to the nearest gate.
It didn't matter, nothing mattered except for getting back to the Upside Down.
Because you had told Eddie you'd be back tomorrow. You'd promised him.
But to Eddie, you'd already broken your promise.
To him, it had already been three more days without you.
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November 6, 1983
Crossing from the Upside Down into the real Hawkins with Wayne had been difficult.
He'd warned you about what to expect before he led you through the gate back home, and he was right, it had been strange. It felt like a weight was slowly lifted off your shoulders, but something invisible pinched at the backs of your arms and legs all the while, trying and failing to get you to stay.
It was worse crossing back through, though.
That heaviness settled back onto you, heavier than the load you already carried, with your bag laden with books and weapons that you'd taken from the car; the weight of an entire dimension and all of the beings that resided within ripped through the membranous barrier and settled onto you and into you as you forced yourself through to the other side.
No wonder Wayne had struggled to stand when he had crossed through earlier in the day.
The toll you needed to pay to enter this world was almost too much to bear.
Still, you made it through, wearily.
Your body ached, your half-healed wounds throbbed, and something deep down inside of you felt almost...abyss-like. Suddenly a little emptier than it had been just minutes before.
But you made it.
Thanks to a bit of foresight, you crossed through the gate at the Creel House, figuring it would be your best bet to find Eddie right away.
The towering pillars--now empty of their inhabitants--the mangled silhouette of the house behind it, and the swarm of bats that circled overhead made you a little nervous, though.
Not from fear, necessarily, but worry and doubt.
Maybe Eddie thought you'd cross back at Lover's Lake and was there instead; there was no reason for him to expect that you'd cross through here, especially since you had departed with Wayne. That would be a trek to walk all the way to Lover's Lake, and you knew you wouldn't be lucky enough to find a bicycle or something. And you might have been on this side of the time warp, but that didn't mean time was on your side.
The bats, surprisingly, gave you hope.
If they were here...did that mean that Eddie was nearby? You had seen how fond he was of them, and vice versa. Maybe he was just inside? Or, if anything, were they flying overhead looking for you?
There was only one way to find out, and you were motivated by a singular focus.
A singular thought that was riddled with guilt.
It. Had. Been. Days.
You dropped your backpack and shook off the heavy, weary weakness that the Upside Down had imparted upon you and began the trek into the house to see if you could find Eddie.
You retraced the steps that you'd taken during your initial descent through the Creel house the other day, trying to ignore the frightening flashes of movement that occurred in your peripheral vision.
You knew they wouldn't hurt you, so you couldn't get distracted; you were on a mission.
Distraction, however, was inevitable; you found that, although the path you had taken still remained, the vastness of the maze of rooms had only grown. Grown in size and in scale. In how convoluted the entire house seemed to be, like something out of a horror movie.
Or maybe something out of the Munsters, really, because as unsettling as it all was, there was an air of...humor to it all.
And that brand of humor screamed of Eddie Munson.
Sure there was a living room and dining room--several of them now, actually--and each one was more elongated and warped than the last, like reflections in a house of mirrors. Funhouse mirrors. You passed a bedroom where the bed floated from the floor and then settled on the ceiling. And beside it was a room with a closed door that seemed to expand and contract as though it was a living, breathing creature.
Had he done all of this to the Creel house in boredom? Morphed it into something comical and new as he waited for your return.
What was not comical, though, were the sounds. An unsettling ambience of hissing and grumbling and groaning that only got louder and clearer as you ascended levels and hopped across the cavernous breaks in the stairs.
It was promising at first, then concerning, as the sounds morphed and seemed to sound like words.
They weren't any words you could understand or fathom; you were pretty well-versed with languages--if not through speech, through recognition, at the very least--and this didn't sound human. They were words in some infernal devilish language made to accommodate many teeth and tongues and mouths that stretched wider than a human's could.
Some language that originated here in the Upside Down. Made of chittering and clicking and screeching.
You finally reached the landing at the bottom of the steps that led to the attic, and you tip-toed over the vine-laden floor, only to halt in your tracks by a sudden cacophony of roar and screams.
A shadow suddenly flooded the wall that followed up the steps, and you watched as the contrasting darkness and light fluttered like a wing, then stretched into a clawed hand whose nail scratched along the length of the banister. You could see the sharpness of that claw with such clarity that you were almost shocked that the wallpaper didn't split as it moved.
Finally, the shadow turned into the silhouette of an elongated figure.
"Do you see what happens," came a muffled voice above. "Do you see what happens when you fail me?"
You frowned; the voice sounded familiar.
Eddie?
"How have we failed?" Another voice this time, easier to identify: Patrick.
"She's out there, and you've yet to find her."
Guilt crept in again; were they talking about you?
You could have gone up there, could have made your presence known but you were curious--
Alright, you were nosy.
--but in your curiosity, you were frozen in place.
"She isn't out there." There was a broken, slurred quality to this speech, but you could still tell it belonged to Fred. “You’d know. We would all know.”
"She's lost."
"She left you," Chrissy hissed, her voice having the most clarity of all three brides. "You're just in denial Eddie."
There was that roar again, and you startled at the sound, but Chrissy's simpering whimper cut through the roar, and it stopped abruptly.
"Don't fear me," Eddie sighed. "Everybody else fears me...please I need the three of you on my side."
"We are on your side," Chrissy continued with bittersweetness. "The only ones. You made us, you healed us. We'll always be on your side. But your little knight...left you here. Again."
"She's lost," Eddie repeated insistently.
"She left you all alone to bask in your loneliness. Tricked you into thinking you were alone without her, when you have us Eddie. Left you here with nothing but the smell of her on your skin. You stink of her."
"Then it should be easier for you to find her," Eddie shouted, rage returning.
The shadow moved from the wall and the infernal speech began anew, with the screams and screeches quick to follow.
Until, Eddie's voice boomed with finality.
"You will go out there and find her! And you won't rest until she's back here. Nothing is as important as bringing her back to me."
"Nothing," Patrick groaned. "Do we mean nothing to you?"
"Are you really such a heartless creature?" Chrissy questioned.
"Yes," Eddie hissed.
The ceiling shook above you as a booted foot stomped overhead.
"I have no heart. Without her."
Stomp.
"I feel no love without her."
Stomp.
"I feel no joy." Stomp. "No sorrow." Stomp. "I am hollow. And I will live here--be stuck here--forever."
The roar emanated again, loud enough where you had to cover your ears. When it was over, there was a flurry of wings as, you could only assume, the brides took flight through the cavernous hole in the attic.
You broke from your reverie, and took a step forward; your sneaker-covered foot caused the floor to creak.
You winced and froze again as the shuffling overhead stopped.
The infernal speech sounded once. Then again. Then the stomping crossed the attic towards the stairs and you swallowed your hesitation to speak.
"Eddie?" you called out. "That you? Are you up there?"
"Sweetheart?" he responded, relief obvious in his muffled voice. "You're back."
You took another step upwards.
"I am. I'm sorry, I didn't realize--"
"Stop!" He shouted. "What are you doing? Stay there."
"Why?"
"Don't. Move." He groaned.
The sounds that followed were sickening.
Crunching and stretching and clicking; you could hear him groan for a moment before an agony-filled cry echoed through the stairwell and caused goosebumps to erupt along your skin.
Whatever hesitation you had was gone; it vanished as soon as you believed Eddie to be in pain. In danger.
You took the steps two at a time until you found yourself just feet away from Eddie's heaving, hunched form, teetering near the cracked precipice in the floor that split the attic in two. You crossed the distance and knelt beside him; your hand found his shaking shoulder and you pulled him into you, away from the dangerous edge.
"What happened?" you questioned frantically. "What was all that; what's wrong?"
"How much did you hear?" he ignored you to ask instead, voice weak and dry.
"Does it matter? What is this? What happened?"
"Nothing happened," he breathed out. "The others...I'd sent them out to find you, I thought--"
"I'm here." You interrupted him. You snaked your hand around to cup his cheek and lifted his head so he could look at you. His eyes were blood-red and shined with a wet glassiness. "There's just...there was a misunderstanding, but I'm here now."
"Don't go," he muttered desperately, turning his face into your touch.
"I won't."
"You were gone for so long. You promised. Don't leave me again."
"Eddie I promise--and this time I swear I will keep it--I'll never leave you again."
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November 6, 1983
You woke the next morning--or at least, you thought it was morning; it was never actually daytime in the Upside Down, it seemed--alone.
Eddie had broken the news that the two of you needed to stay at the Creel House for the night, and despite your hesitations, you were also tired enough that you couldn't object. Any bed seemed appealing enough, after several days of little to no sleep. Even if it wasn't that makeshift bed in his childhood home, that cozy safe haven he'd made, it was alright as long as he was there.
But you'd spent the evening talking, discussing the time warp between the Upside Down and the real Hawkins.
Eddie had a hard time understanding at first, and he confessed that his feelings were affected by the belief that you'd either gotten lost or hurt or abandoned him again. But after a stretch of pensive silence where he squeezed you tightly and ran his nose along your hairline, he admitted that it made sense.
"I used to think time didn't exist here," he whispered, voice thick with emotion. "First it was...the endless suffering and torture Vecna put me through to make me into this. And then it was endless waiting. It felt like an eternity."
Your throat tightened at the thought that it felt like an eternity because it probably was.
"I guess that just means," you spoke in a hushed and hopeful tone. "That just means we have more time to figure out how to get you out of here. More time together before I need to go back."
And that sent him into a panic, because you'd just promised him that you'd stay.
His hands clutched you tighter, tips of his clawed fingers biting through your clothes and the slightest bit into your skin. He pressed his body further into yours, as if you meld the two of you together.
It took a lot of soothing, a lot of explaining, to remind him once again that you had very human needs. Like food, and sleep, and hygiene.
"There's not exactly running water here Eddie," you joked and he huffed stubbornly. You let your eyes roam about his skin, somehow not covered in grime like the rest of the dimension. "I don't know how you keep so clean."
"I could show you," he teased seductively, lips brushing against yours.
It was obvious he was trying to change the subject, trying to make you forget the idea of leaving him. And you let him, let him kiss away his worries and yours.
Lying awake now, though, you considered what the consequences would be if you simply stayed.
You observed your body, really honed in on your sense of self. That heaviness that had settled on you upon entering the Upside Down hadn't faded yet; in fact, you'd felt it when you'd woken up the first time, but had simply attributed it to the Brides' attack on you.
Would you get used to it over time? Had Eddie gotten used to it? He seemed comfortable in his skin, in this realm; there was no heaviness about him. Had whatever...transformation he'd undergone at the hands of Vecna contributed?
There was just something about him though that seemed extreme; he'd always had very volatile emotions--normal for a young adult, just like you--now it seemed he teetered back and forth even more than you were used to. Happy and affectionate one moment, distant and miserable the next, and sometimes...there was nothing at all.
What had he said to the brides? He was hollow?
You certainly felt a little bit of that hollowness, but then again...you had for quite some time now. Since you had left him in '85. And it hadn't gone away until the moment you were reunited.
Maybe it was just the connection you had, your reliance on each other and your love for one another, that made it feel this way.
The door to the bedroom creaked open and you startled, then quickly relaxed as Eddie crept inside; the hollowness in your chest suddenly seemed a little lessened thanks to his presence.
Yes. That's what it was; what it had to be.
"Morning Sleeping Beauty," he whispered as he shut the door behind him.
"Gross," you whined with a giggle. "When did you become such a romantic?"
"Excuse me, I've always been romantic," he said, hand flying over his heart with mock insult. "You, my love, have never even gotten me a Valentine's Day gift."
"We've never spent a Valentine's Day together dingus." You stuck your tongue out at him.
He hemmed and hawed for a minute and then his figure blurred across the room as he closed the distance and jumped onto the bed, smothering you in kisses and raspberries and little affectionate nips. You squealed and tried to bat him away, with no real force or effort, until he cupped your face and gifted you with the sweetest kiss filled with as much loving reverence as he could.
Your heart soared and that hollowness faded more and more with every second. Faded, but didn't disappear altogether.
And you realized it wouldn't be gone until you made this all better; until you could really be together.
In the real world and not this...purgatory.
"Speaking of conformist, capitalist holidays only meant to sell cards and candy--" Eddie broke the kiss and you flicked his ear.
"I have to have a lecture now? Instead of more kisses?" you scoffed.
"Yes, because you said it's October. And we might not have had a Valentine's Day together, but we've definitely celebrated Sweetest Day together."
"Is that even a thing?" you narrowed your eyes at him. "Sounds like something you made up."
"No," he shook his head back and forth. "I promise. We have had a Sweetest Day together. Remember I told you about the Sadie Hawkins dance at the middle school once upon a time? It was on Sweetest Day."
"Uh," you tried to recall him saying something about it at any point in your relationship. "No."
"I tried to butter up Principal Coleman to get Corroded Coffin to play at the dance?"
"Doesn't ring a bell."
"And he said no."
"That sounds familiar."
"But then we spent the day together anyway and I got you McDonalds breakfast? Angel, come on."
"You got me McDonalds breakfast a lot of times," you giggled. "Get to the point!"
"I'm trying to ask my girlfriend out on a date," he rolled his eyes at you. "But she is the least romantic person on the face of the earth, if not in all of time itself."
You ignored his dramatic insults and instead fawned over the sweet gesture with some confusion.
"A date? Eddie...what date? We're in the Upside Down. We gonna go out to the quarry and makeout? I'm sure there are cars parked up there, even frozen in time like this, if we wanted to fuck in the backseat."
He froze for a second and looked a little embarrassed, and if not for the low light of the room and the deathly pallor of his skin, you were sure he'd be turning red.
"I, uh," he coughed and tried to recollect himself. "No, not the quarry. Something better. Something perfect just for you, specifically."
"Do I need to wear a dress?"
"Do you have a dress?"
"No."
"Good, neither do I," he laughed. "And I don't have a tux either. So jeans and t-shirts it is."
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"Uh, Eddie..."
"Hey listen..."
"...when you said romantic date..."
"...hear me out..."
"A church wasn't the first thing that came to mind," you finished and stared up at the steepled structure before you.
You pointedly avoided anything religious when you lived in Hawkins; Eddie had asked you about it when he'd first seen your cross necklace. You had told him you wouldn't be caught dead in a church, and at that time, it had been true. Because of that, the two of you had mocked Hawkins Presbyterian Church with its pristine white exterior, and its attendees with their John Winthrop-inspired holier-than-thou exceptionalism.
This church, though, was certainly not like that. And although your faith was still shaky at best, begrudging at worst, you felt more at ease here.
Maybe it was the fact that you were in the Upside Down, and maybe because it was clearly a Catholic Church and the stained glass window felt familiar. But aside from the window that reflected all manner of colors at the distant lightning, it was unassuming. Quiet and square and austere, with dull brown bricks that made up the small chapel's exterior, and a steepled bell tower that didn't even look like it had a bell.
Much like you did with Nancy, you felt some kind of kinship to this forgotten little building.
Still, it wasn't your ideal location for a date.
"I knew about this place before I even met you," Eddie explained. "Out past the plant, been abandoned for years. Mickey and Jack and I used to come and throw rocks at the windows. Even broke in once to see if there was anything cool inside."
"Seriously?" you laughed at him. "Yeah, no wonder people thought you worshiped Satan."
"No one ever knew," he held his hands out innocently. "Not even Wayne. And we didn't even steal anything. But uh, I dunno...after you left...I even thought about coming here to pray once. Not even to pray for you to come back. Thought about your grandma all of a sudden one day; drove out here. Couldn't find it in me to get out of the van."
"Maybe that was around the time she actually got sick," you wondered aloud.
"Like I had some psychic powers or something, even before all of this?" he gestured to himself with a laugh. "Hey, stranger things have happened."
He cleared his throat and led you inside.
Although didn't look much better inside--peeling plaster, overturned pews, and the chains to hang a cross over the altar but no cross itself--the interior at least didn't seem to be touched by the vines and tentacles and muck that covered the rest of the Upside Down.
"Maybe God does exist after all," Eddie laughed as he walked backwards down the aisle, responding to your observation almost like he read your mind. "Or maybe Vecna was just afraid of churches or something; places of worship like this...are generally left alone."
"I'm sure religious trauma isn't that far of a stretch to assume with Vecna," you agreed. "My power is a little strained in the Upside Down though; makes me think if...I dunno...there even are any higher powers here."
"I'm sure there's gotta be something out there. Like the Force in Star Wars."
You snorted and shook your head as you followed him.
Contrary to your previous statement about your abilities, you didn't hesitate to ignite the remnants of candles in the votive racks beside the altar. You conjured the warm, ever-present burn of the core of the earth and the wicks lit aflame, bathing the chapel in a warm, illuminating glow.
It was with this new light that you noticed the blanket and pillows that had been set up in front of the altar table, along with a pile of snacks and a puzzle.
A perfect little date, just like you used to have camped out in the living room of the trailer.
You felt your own loving glow emanate from within, as you were filled with adoration for Eddie. That he would try to bring you some normalcy, even if your lives were anything but normal.
"I found a World's Best Boyfriend mug when I was exploring once," he said matter-of-factly after you voiced your gratitude for the setup. "There's not much to do here when we aren't actively feeding or fighting. But, uh, you can give it to me as a gift if you want; I'll even act surprised."
"I'll definitely keep that in mind," you promised him, and then settled on the blanket.
Eddie started organizing the pieces of the puzzle as you dug through the snacks--more of Eddie's favorites, courtesy of Wayne: slice soda, Hostess pudding pies, cool ranch Doritos and...
"Wha--" you hesitated at the items hidden at the bottom of the pile. "Ok, I know we're in a church but all joke's aside, seriously?"
You picked up the bottle of sacramental wine and package of communion wafers.
"I found them while I was setting up," he shrugged and laughed. "Saw the crosses on the packages, thought it would be a good pun. I'll even try them if you want, food aversion be damned."
"I doubt they're any good."
You were about to set them aside so you could open a can of soda, but then a wicked little thought wormed its way into your head. You bit your lip to keep yourself from giggling, but Eddie was quick to notice.
"What? What's that look?"
"Nothing," you tilted your head to the side and contemplated telling him. "It's nothing just...I don't know if I ever told you...probably not but...I've never had communion before."
You explained the principle to him, the way you were denied your own First Communion in favor of the revelation of your family's curse, how you still would take your Nonna up whenever you'd go to mass with her...but were never even offered the absolution for yourself. Even by the priests who didn't know who and what you were, as though there was a stain on your soul that they could simply tell would never be washed away by a simple mouthful of bread and wine.
"To quote my mom, that's a bunch of horseshit," Eddie laughed. "Everyone deserves to be forgiven. You're telling me Loudmouth Linda who curses at the waitress at lunch after church on Sunday's deserves it more than you who's literally fighting evil every day? Baby, if you don't open that pack of crackers and eat one right now I'm gonna have to hand feed one to you."
"Well," you hummed, "this is supposed to be a romantic date. Ed--Eddie I was kidding."
He snatched the packet of wafers from you and sliced it open with his claws without hesitation; he brought the package up to his nose to sniff it and then plucked one wafer out and held it in front of his eyes.
"It looks plain," he noted.
"It's supposed to be plain."
"And it smells stale."
You took the package from him and sniffed gently for yourself.
"Yeah," you agreed. "That's what they smell like."
"Then I don't know what all the commotion is about," he announced dismissively. "I mean...damn I thought it was pretty metal, actually. Everyone going someplace every Sunday to eat someone's flesh and drink someone's blood in a ritual. But it's just...this."
You couldn't help but laugh at him.
He cleared his throat and knelt before you; he held one hand over your head and spoke your name aloud. He projected his voice and it echoed throughout the chapel, the deep reverberation penetrated deep into your bones.
"Eddie," you muttered. "What are you doing?"
"I'm forgiving you," he spoke normally for a second.
"You...you can't," you laughed in disbelief.
"Who said?"
"Uh, I don't know," you scoffed. "Only every priest, bishop, cardinal, pope everyone in my family has ever met. We have to earn our own forgiveness. End this curse ourselves. And it's gonna end with me, one way or another."
"Well, I think that's bullshit because it sounds like no one has ever tried." He closed his eyes and held his hand out again.
"It's not even gonna do anything," you argued. "The wafer is symbolic."
"I'm channeling my holy energy sweetheart. I can't hear you."
"Alright," you waved dismissively. "Whatever, go ahead and try."
He hummed deeply and recited the monks' chant from Monty Python and the Holy Grail, complete with smacking the top of your head with the palm of his hand. He even had the audacity to shush you as you giggled.
But the longer it went, the more he waved his hands and whispered blessings from this book and that movie, the more you felt...something.
Something inside of you stirred, felt different, lighter. Even the weight of the Upside Down wasn't as prominent. And you knew, logically, that nothing had changed in you, that the curse would still be there after whatever-this-was was over.
But in the moment, you couldn't help but close your eyes and bask in the feeling, especially as you started to feel the sting of tears in your eyes.
"Alright sweetheart," Eddie whispered after a few more moments. "Open the hatch."
You snorted and opened your mouth, hands coming together in prayer almost instinctively; he laid the wafer on your tongue and then cupped your face in his hands.
"There," he whispered and pressed the lightest kiss to your forehead. "You're forgiven."
You choked a sob and opened your eyes to look at him, tears immediately running down your cheeks and over his fingers.
"God," you sobbed and laughed simultaneously. "Fuck."
"I'm not God, I'm Eddie." He shot you his idiotic, crooked grin and then thumbed over your cheeks. "You ok?"
"Yeah, I'm ok. Sit down now, before you ruin our date even more," you hiccuped.
You silently wiped the tears away and tore into the snacks, joking that the junk food tasted a lot better than the wafer did. Eddie hesitantly put a wafer of his own into his mouth and then immediately stuck his tongue out and scraped the remnants of it away.
"God, I really can't eat real food, can I?" he lamented once he'd spat out the taste of it enough times.
"I think it just tastes like that," you offered as a consolation.
"Expectation almost never meets reality, I guess. You should try the wine too; prove that grape soda is better. Or maybe don't, that way I don't have to miss it that much."
You laughed and swatted at him, and then got an idea.
"Hang on," you got to your feet and held your hands out to stop him from following you. "Hang on, don't go anywhere, keep working on the puzzle, I'll be right back."
You skipped back past the altar to the little rectory hallway that led to the sacristy. The door was already cracked open and although it was mostly barren, there was a small pile of cloth that must have been vestments, and...
"Bingo," you muttered and crossed the room to grab your prize. You blew dust off of them and then turned back the way you came.
"You know," you exclaimed when you arrived back in the chapel. "When I say you're an idiot, you really are an idiot, Eddie Munson."
"I'm not disagreeing with you," he responded. "But what did I do to earn such an honorific?"
"You come to a church in the middle of the Upside Down, you set up a picnic for us, you even find holy bread and wine for me. And you don't even bring us the proper drinking vessels."
You held out two golden chalices, ornately etched with crosses and flowers and vines.
"You know," you dropped to your knees and placed them on the blanket. "You and I spent an entire weekend way back when making chalices for Hellfire club; I'm honestly surprised if you went pillaging for goods for this picnic, you didn't immediately cream your little nerd pants at the sight of these. Something might actually be wrong with you."
"Excuse me, I was only trying to find the best things for you, your highness." He did an exaggerated bow as he sat. "Wasn't thinking of finding any treasure for myself. But now that you mention it, these could be an awesome addition to the Hellfire repertoire. If only I..."
He trailed off and cleared his throat as you opened the bottle of wine and began to fill one of the chalices for yourself.
"If only what?" you asked. He shrugged dismissively and refused to meet your gaze. "What? If only you get to play with the guys again? You will. I'm getting you out of here. Or I'll die trying."
"Don't say that," he hissed, head snapping back towards you. "Don't."
"Then don't be such a negative Nancy," you said, intentionally thinking of your would-be-nemesis back in Hawkins.
"It's more than just getting out of here, alright? I've done things. Terrible things, actually, speaking of Nancy.
"You know I killed her boyfriend? Jonathan Byers. He was the first one. The worst one. But Vecna wanted me to send a message, so it had to be him. I killed her dad too. And this kid Lucas' dad. Both of them in one swift slash."
He jutted his arm out, hand curled in a claw, talons razor-sharp and glinting as they cut through the air. His eyes were wild, pupils blown, mouth wide open in a hiss, fangs extended.
Then there was a beat and he seemed to realize himself; he drew his arm back against his chest and cradled one hand in the other. He clicked his claws against one another pathetically and then sighed.
"I killed Mickey," he murmured, voice so low you could barely hear. "I killed Rick. Watched the life leave their eyes. And I think...I know...I enjoyed it."
The chapel was silent after those words, save for the roar of lightning outside, and your heavy, pensive breaths.
Your heart ached. Ached for Mickey and Rick, but more for Eddie.
You knew that feeling. Knew that guilt. It was an old friend.
You looked down at the chalice filled with wine, and then at the other one, which you were about to fill despite Eddie's lack of need for food and drink.
And you were struck with an idea.
You set the bottle aside and scooted closer to him, you took one of his hands in yours and ignored his questions as you leant down and kissed his palm and each of the pads of his fingers.
You then maneuvered his hand so his clawed thumb pressed into the meat of your palm, and then dragged it deep through the middle of it. You created a cut deep and long, despite Eddie's protests, and then let the blood drip down into the empty chalice.
"What are you doing?" he snapped at you. "What is this?"
"You forgave me," you answered, voice heavy with determination. "And now I'm forgiving you."
"Sweetheart, you don't have to--"
"Don't have to do this?" you repeated your own words from earlier. "This isn't going to work? Eddie...just...if I'm not doing this for you then I'm doing this for myself."
He looked like he was about to argue again, but you weren't going to let him.
"You never know," you quickly stopped him. "This could get us a step closer to getting you out of here."
He closed his mouth with an audible click of teeth, and motioned for you to continue.
You didn't have as much theatricality as Eddie had before. You simply let the chalice fill to an acceptable amount of blood, and then grabbed it with both hands and held it slightly raised before you.
"This is my blood," you recited words that you'd heard thousands of times. You looked at Eddie and shared a shaky smile as your eyes locked together. "The blood of a new and everlasting covenant. It has been shed for you, Eddie, so that your sins may be forgiven. Now and forever."
You lowered the chalice and tried to pass it over to him, but he backed away quickly. Quicker than the eye could see.
He was suddenly across the room, pacing with his head in his hands, shaking.
"What is it?" You watched as he muttered to himself and shook his head. "Eddie, what?"
"I don't deserve this," he said. "I don't deserve...your forgiveness."
"Yes you do. You said it yourself, what makes you any less deserving of forgiveness than...I don't know...than me, than Nancy Wheeler, than anyone?"
"Because I'm a liar!" He turned back to you and shouted. "I'm a liar, I'm a coward, and I'm a monster."
"Don't say that."
"I am."
"You're not! You're my boyfriend. You're Eddie Munson. You're...the silliest, stupidest, bravest boy I know. You take care of everyone you love, much more than you think to take care of yourself, and you...you were lost. And all of those things that you did...you did them when you were lost. So you deserve a chance to make it alright. You deserve forgiveness."
"I'm not talking about what I did when Vecna was still alive," Eddie told you through gritted teeth. "I'm talking about now. I'm a coward now. I'm a liar now. I'm a monster now."
"Eddie..."
"And you'll never know how much I don't deserve this," he waved at the altar, at the chalice, at you. "Until I show you what's become of me. Who I am now. What I am now."
You were stunned silent as he shed his jacket, as he kicked off his boots, as he took several breaths.
And then he screamed.
You tried to get to your feet, tried to get to him, but the sight before you prevented you from moving at all.
His clothes ripped first, then his skin; they stretched until they couldn't stretch any more. The seams of his shirt, of his jeans--the seams that you'd traced along his limbs--all split as his body bulged and stretched in an utterly inhuman way.
But where his clothes shredded and tore gave way to thread, his skin just made room for more skin, more bones.
His legs elongated, raised him higher off the ground, and his feet practically uncurled to become longer, more dexterous, with claws of their own that could slash and grab like his hands.
And speaking of his hands and his arms, they were next; you felt sick to your stomach as you listened to his bones snap into pieces, as he groaned with each snap. But they were quick to shift into new places, and soon he stretched to find comfort in this new, elongated wingspan that matched his towering height; he flexed his fingers, now sporting longer, knife-like claws, and extra phalanges that could bend in any direction he chose.
On and on it went, as his shoulders got wider and broader, as his torso stretched and rippled, as his neck became unfathomably long.
He threw his head back and the seams of that scarred Glasgow smile ripped open anew, dripping blood down his cheeks and throat. The unsettling smile he now sported wasn't complete though, not until rows and rows of fangs--not just the two sets you'd seen and grown used to as they smiled and bit into you--grew and settled along his jaw. Razor sharp, glinting in the firelight, promising to bring about a creature's demise if they weren't careful.
And finally, just when you thought it was all over, the skin along his abdomen rippled. You had thought there was something wrong there, when you'd run your hands along his ribcage over the past few days as you'd held each other in bed.
There was something wrong. Something terribly, horribly wrong.
Eddie fell to his knees, and his talons anchored into the stone floor of the chapel as he hunched over. The scars you had felt along his back split, and from them grew two massive, bat-like wings, unfurling from where they'd been tucked away in the cavity of his body. They were made of bones and muscle and a thin, veiny, membranous skin that you could practically see the light of the votives through.
Eddie twitched on the ground and the wings flexed and flapped; the droplets of blood that had coated the wings sprayed around the chapel; onto the altar and the pews, dousing a few of the candles with a steamy hiss, even pelting your skin, causing you to flinch.
At the end of it all, when this metamorphosis was complete, and something new had emerged from the body that had once belonged to Eddie Munson, he rose.
With a great wide mouth and clawed hands raised to the heavens, the creature roared.
It was an ear-splitting sound, bellowing and shrieking all at once.
And then it turned to you.
He turned to you.
Eddie turned to you.
Because you might have made the mistake of thinking him a creature once, but you vowed never again.
All of the thoughts that had halted as you watched the spectacle with unblinking eyes suddenly flooded your brain. All manner of logic and emotion, fighting and contradicting one another, as you struggled to reconcile what you had seen, what you had felt, and what you knew all into one truth.
How many things had you faced like this before, with too many teeth and claws that slashed and tore? How many countless names of creatures had you memorized over the years, not just of being a knight, but of being alive? You could name them all now, if you dared, but no name would ever match up to what was on display before your very eyes. Nothing like this.
But what was this?
This...it...he...was your boyfriend. The love of your life.
He wasn't just what he was once or had ever been; this was what had become of him, what had been done to him in the name of evil. This was the result of his trauma, but also his survival. And because of that, or maybe in spite of that, he wasn't inherently evil himself.
Contrary to your instincts--contrary to what had been taught to you all your life, all you had ever faced or ever known--you knew he was good. In fact, good was all you ever knew him to be, even during the brief stint where you believed there was a Kas, a dastardly nemesis who'd vowed to kill you.
This image certainly could conjure that belief...but it simply...didn't.
You thought back to something that you had told Mary Victoria. That Eddie was good, but you didn't know if he was good enough for Heaven.
Heaven, though, was not just a place for good people. It was a place for forgiveness, a place of peace. And didn't Eddie, by the grace of all the atrocities that he had been a part of, that had been imparted onto him, also deserve that peace? Deserve that forgiveness.
You stood on shaky legs, chalice still held in your wounded hand, and approached him.
His shoulders heaved with labored breaths as he watched you, and he flinched as you got close enough.
"Please," he growled, and you recognized the muffled quality of his voice from the previous night, talking to the Brides, and you realized that he had to talk through the mouthful of his teeth. It was different, but still his voice. "Please I don't want to hurt you.
"You won't," you assured him, shifting to try to meet his gaze; you had to crane your neck to look him in the eye at this new height. "I trust you. I believe in you."
"I'm a monster. I told you."
"No...you're..." You paused and let your eyes roam over him again, closer this time, and you were able to see the small details now, illuminated by the candlelight. The throbbing of veins, the texture of his skin, the ripple of muscles, yes...but also the soft curl of his hair, his musicians fingers--even with the claws--and the bulbous tip of his nose.
He was still Eddie.
And Eddie Munson was many things.
But not a monster, not a creature, not a beast. No.
You reached out to grab one of his hands and you wrapped his elongated fingers around the rounded bowl of the chalice.
His red scleras shined wet with tears and he took the chalice from you fully; he raised it to his mouth, then tipped his head back, and drank your blood in one exaggerated swallow.
Was this what happened when someone looked upon the true form of a God? Were they fully unprepared for the sight before them? Was that the true test, to see something so unfathomable and horrific and still find it...
"Beautiful," you muttered. "God...Eddie, you're beautiful."
He was quick to grab you, quick to haul you into his arms and run the edges of his claws along your face and down your neck reverently; he made quick work of your clothes, ripping the seams of them like his transformation had ripped the seams of his. With you, however, there was surgical precision.
He was almost too gentle in this new form, not wanting to hurt you, but you'd welcome the hurt, crave it, if it meant you could be one with him quicker. You desired it now, desired him, all of him, every part of this new version that he had revealed to you.
How many times, before the Upside Down, before Vecna, had he been ridiculed and mocked because of his appearance? Because he seemed rude or dangerous or rowdy...evil. But those closest to him--the people he belonged to, that belonged to him--always saw the true him. Recognized it, celebrated it.
Now, it was only amplified; the startling appearance, the danger, the fearful exterior. But it was still Eddie.
How could you not embrace him entirely? Want to bask in him? Consume all of him? You'd changed entirely in his eyes--maybe not in appearance, but in fundamental definition--and his want for you never faltered.
It was still Eddie, and he was yours.
And you were still you, and you were his.
Body and soul.
You swatted his hand away from you so you could touch him for yourself, so you could explore and caress him, kiss him.
You were hesitant at first, running your fingers gently along his lips, then further back along the cavernous maw that had been revealed.
"It hurts you," you noted; not a question, an observation. "To do this...it hurts you."
"It's easier to hide it," he tried to make the excuse. "They don't look at me like I'm...a monster when I still look like Eddie Munson."
"You still look like Eddie Munson, though," you tilted your head to the side in quiet contemplation. "Same eyes, same hair, same dumb jokes...just a little more..."
"Metal?"
"Bitey."
You touched the tip of one of his fangs with a finger and watched how easily it punctured your skin as a droplet of blood pooled there. The corners of his eyes crinkled, the apples of his cheeks round and pleasant; he nipped at your fingers gently, playfully as his shoulders shook and there was a hissing, chittering sound that rattled inside of his chest along with a deepened chuckle. You listened in awe, and basked in the sound of his new laughter.
When you couldn't hold yourself back anymore, you leaned forward and pecked a kiss to the bow of his upper lip. He huffed and you kissed it again, and again, until he shifted his jaw and was able to kiss you back properly.
It was a strange sensation, feeling the contrasting plush of his lips and the unforgiving hardness of his fangs just below; strange to navigate, actually, but it made for an interesting time. Just when you thought there couldn't be many more new or first experiences together, this change presented so many possibilities.
Possibilities that you both seemed eager to discover.
The kissing was something mastered quickly, which was relieving as you seemed to always want your lips on him, or his on you. His teeth nipped and cut when the excitement overwhelmed you both, but it wouldn't matter really. You'd heal, just like all of the other bites and wounds he had inflicted on you in the past few days slowly healed. Eddie was incredibly apologetic though.
That was where his tongue came into play.
At first you thought he licked the cut that had carved your bottom lip to lap up the bit of blood that pooled there, and you had half a mind to offer your neck to him to feed, or your wrist or some other part of you. But soon it became soothing, and you almost craved the calming back and forth over the stinging wound, as you stared up into the deep, warm, blood-and-chocolate abyss of his eyes.
But he didn't stop at your lip.
You offered for him to feed from you, as you had intended, and he had laid you down on the altar in order to do so comfortably. Comfort was not the word that you would use, though; the sensation of more fangs piercing your throat was almost troubling, and the pain was borderline unbearable, but you resolved to soldier through it for him.
Anything for him.
His tongue made itself known once again, and your eyes, that you had shut to keep stinging tears at bay, shot open as you tried to fathom the sensations you felt.
His teeth had punctured your skin, and he drew mouthful after mouthful of your blood, but then there was his tongue, snaking over the bite wounds as well, pressed against his teeth from the inside of his mouth...and then the outside.
"Eddie!" you exclaimed in shock, and with a wet squelch, he pulled away from you and you saw it.
Long and wet, patchwork and mottled, his tongue was elongated and lolling out of his mouth; it began to retract, back into his mouth, and his throat seemed to bulge with it.
"I'm sorry," he muttered. "I didn't mean to scare you."
And you should have been scared; instinct told you to feel fear. Especially because the image he presented right in this very moment--the combination of the teeth and tongue and his wings extended behind him--conjured thoughts of the manananggal.
The creature that killed your father.
"I'm not afraid," you told him truthfully.
You weren't.
There was that dark little whisper inside of you again, only this time, it basked in some invisible triumph over your father. He had faced countless dark creatures and failed. Perished. And here you were, despite everything you had been through because of him...facing the dark and dangerous thing Eddie had become and still seeing the good, the light, the love in him.
You and Eddie were basking in something greater than the light of "God's forgiveness," you were basking in the light of each other. A forgiveness you crafted together.
You reached out to Eddie to bring him to you again, so you could soothe the worry that he'd scared you; however, he took the gesture to mean something else.
He lowered himself to you again, rubbed his nose along yours gently, only this time, he allowed his tongue to snake back out. You watched, entranced, and allowed yourself the moment to get lost in the feel of it, lapping at the still-weeping bite on your neck, then down the valley of your breasts, the soft slope of your stomach, right down to the core of you.
You gasped and Eddie's cold breath fanned across your face as he huffed in triumph.
You let him play with you for a moment, tease your clit, your weeping slit, but just as he was about to breach your entrance, you stopped him.
His tongue retracted as he pulled back, and his brow furrowed in concern.
"You don't want that?" he teased. "Don't want me to eat your pussy; you always want that, sweetheart. Fuck, I always want that."
"I want to take care of you," you confessed with wide-eyed wonder as you trailed a finger along his arm. "I want to learn everything I can about you, want to explore every inch of you."
Like a great adventurer exploring a new and unknown world.
His eyes shifted back and forth between yours--nervously and full of uncertainty--and then he melded your lips together again, a desperate kind of gratitude emanating from him through the kiss.
You switched places then.
Him laying comfortably on the altar, propped by the pillows he had brought for your comfort.
But not before you got a full glimpse of him.
Tattered clothes shed, he stood there for your pleasurable observation, proud and preening and practically purring as you circled him like the predator he was meant to be.
You found that all the bleeding wounds that had split open during his transformation had healed now. And the scars, the seams of him that you attended to over the past few days and had been susceptible and weak before, were now strong; yes still scars, but mountains along the topographical map that made up his skin. And where the scars were mountains, the visible veins were rivers.
You stood on your tip toes to kiss along his spine, and that was when you found his wings to be especially sensitive. They fluttered at your touch, and he chittered and shook again, spoke your name with a delicious groan.
Amused, you tried the move again, but he seemed to have enough. He flapped his wings in several great beats, the power of which carried him forward, toes just grazing the stone floor. He turned as he settled into the little love nest on the altar to give you some faux withered stare, and that's when you got to see the effects of your attention.
His cock stood proudly against his belly.
And as arousing as it was to know that he was hard for you, because of you, the mood was effectively ruined momentarily as you snorted, all sense of seduction gone.
"What?" Eddie chuckled along with you, clearly happy to see you smile. "What is it?"
You shook your head and stalked forward, finding the perfect seat upon his thighs as he leant back into the pillows.
"All of these...upgrades," you tsked. "And Vecna didn't touch your dick."
The chapel suddenly filled with laughter as the two of you shared in the absurdity of the moment.
"Can't mess with perfection sweetheart," Eddie winked at you, and you stuck your tongue out at him.
"Did you tell him that?" you teased. "Was that a formal request?"
"If I'm being honest, I don't even think he had a dick."
"Seriously?"
"He walked around naked. Never saw one."
"Huh."
"Yeah."
"Maybe that's why you're stuck here. You're not adhering to the uniform requirements of King of the Upside Down."
"Castration?" he asked.
"Nudity," you clarified.
"Is that a formal request from you now?" He licked along the seam of his lips and then grinned that unsettling, feral grin. "Because I can make it happen just for you, angel."
"I know you're joking but you forgot one thing," you leaned closer to him, stretching so your lips could brush his. "I like your cock."
You suddenly rivaled Eddie for speed as you denied him a kiss and shifted further down his body to take the head of his cock in your mouth, fingers squeezing the length of him, making him choke on the sudden and unexpected pleasure. The noises that he made as you devoured him were sinful, feral, guttural though, and you couldn't help but feel an arrogant sense of pride about it.
Great strategist that he was, he should have known better when it came to your escapades. Your seductress tricks, as he’d called them once.
You closed your eyes and savored the taste of him. The taste of his skin and sweat, remnants of whatever detergent or cologne that clung to his clothes...but conspicuously no musky taste of sex.
You considered, once again, the cleanliness of his body.
And the lack of water in the Upside Down.
And then that impossible tongue.
You hummed as you released him and then kissed down the side of his shaft so you could glance up at his face; he usually liked to watch but his eyes were wrenched shut, nose scrunched, as he panted. A clicking purr roiled somewhere deep in his chest.
"Naughty boy," you hummed and his eyes shot open. "Licking yourself clean like a cat."
You emphasized your accusation by running your tongue, flat, up his length. Then you flicked at the head once, twice, three times until he had the good sense to look bashful.
"W-what else w-was I supposed to do sweetheart?" That naive schoolboy routine wouldn't work on you. No silly crooked smiles while he sported so many razor-sharp fangs.
No puppy eyes, no innocent act.
Especially not when waves of guilt and desire emanated from him implicitly.
He knew exactly what he was and what he did.
Perv.
You snorted at him but went back to sucking the head of his cock; then, ready to make him beg, your teeth scraped ever so tantalizingly until his breath hitched. You let up to lave at him to relieve the slight sting...
"That's enough of that," Eddie hissed at you and pried you up and away from his cock, despite your whining protest.
You were underneath him before you knew it, and his teeth were buried in your shoulder, pad of his thumb working at your clit to pull an orgasm from you at the same rate that he pulled your life's essence from the bite.
The mixture of pleasure and pain boiled in your veins as you climbed higher and higher and you were sure that Eddie could taste it on you, because every hitch in your breath, every moan, was parroted right back at you from him.
A hiccup matched with a huff.
A soft yes followed by a delicious snarl.
And the moan that ripped from your throat as you came was answered with a roar as he released you from the bite and stretched to his full height, head tossed back towards the heavens, announcing his victory to whatever demon or deity dared to listen.
Your euphoria was short-lived though, as he positioned himself at your entrance and drove into you. He grabbed you and hunched over to press his forehead against yours and began thrusting wildly.
It was sweet for a moment.
But you weren't ready.
You weren't ready for his trusts, the raw power that he possessed in this body that he couldn't seem to control after his frenzied feeding, or the way he pistoned into you so roughly that your hips knocked yours in a way that would bruise.
You weren't ready for his talons to puncture your skin and the flesh of your torso, digging painfully deep into you, tearing through muscle and sinew and organs in an otherwise-devastating way.
You weren't ready for your own blood to drip from his fangs onto your own lips and into your mouth as you opened it in pain and shock.
You weren't ready and neither, it seemed, was Eddie.
It only took seconds of the rough uncontrolled fucking before instinct kicked in and you shouted. Your hands grabbed him and your body channeled the surrounding flames of the half-dead votives to burn deep into his skin and the meat of his shoulders.
He pulled out and away from you with a cry that echoed yours; his wings propelled him backwards and across the chapel instantly, where he crashed into the pews and crushed them.
There was a beat of tense silence, as you collected yourselves, and then you stared at each other in shock.
"What was that?" you asked in tandem.
You wrenched your eyes shut even further, brow furrowed in concentration, and dug deep to try and channel the healing energies within. The flesh of your sides and your palm began to knit back together, any bruising and internal injury healed instantaneously, and the bleeding of the bites sluggishly stopped.
But the bite wounds themselves remained, just as all of the bites you'd endured remained; healing at a glacial pace. And that worried you more than any of the injuries you'd sustained, or how they came about.
You took a few deep breaths and returned to the present, opening your eyes to find Eddie's concerned and guilt-ridden face before you. You startled, and so did he, but you shushed him as the apologies fell from his lips and bloody tears began to leak from his eyes.
"Sweetheart, please," he stammered. "I'm sorry, I didn't...I didn't know, I didn't realize."
"It's...it's ok," you nodded.
"It isn't," he shook his head. "I hurt you. I'm a beast, I'm a monster." His clawed hands came up and his fingers buried into his hair.
"Stop," you shushed him and grabbed his wrists to try and get him to let go. "Stop it. You're not."
"I am."
"You didn't know," you told him.
"I knew I could hurt you if I wasn't careful and I did it anyway."
"And I'm fine. I'll be fine. I'm made of tougher stuff. And you stopped; I was hurt and you stopped. A monster wouldn't stop when they hurt someone."
His chest heaved but he nodded and let you pull his hands away and into yours, held tenderly between you.
"You drank my blood Eddie," you reminded him. "Blood shed for the forgiveness of your sins. Now and forever. It'll be ok. We'll be ok."
Your gaze shifted from his eyes to his shoulders then, to the shape of your hands burned onto his skin.
"Besides I hurt you too," you muttered with a tense smile. "So I guess we're even here. Does it hurt?"
"It doesn't matter."
"It does."
"They'll heal; it doesn't matter."
"Do you know how to heal yourself?" you asked. "Or does it just happen?"
Eddie was silent.
"Let me heal you then," you told him softly. "It'll go much faster."
You held his clawed hands tightly in your smaller ones and instructed him to close his eyes. You felt a brief and sudden doubt; he wasn't human anymore, not entirely, would it be any different?
What if it didn't work?
If you were going to fix this momentary hiccup, if you were going to fix all of him, you at least needed to try.
"Do you feel me?" you asked him. "Do you...feel my presence here?"
"I do," he nodded, and then his mouth quirked in a smile. "Your light."
"Good," you nodded and shifted closer. You closed your eyes and reached out to feel him too. "Do you feel us together?"
"Hmmm, yeah."
"That means you can feel yourself. Shut up, I can hear you laughing."
"Means I'm not upset anymore," he argued.
He had a point, still you weren't going to let it go.
"When you resurrected..." you hesitated.
"My brides."
"I'm not calling them that." you scoffed. "When you resurrected Max...what did you feel? Did you feel her light? And yours?"
"I did." He snorted. "It was silly. I imagined a pitcher pouring into a cup."
"That's a good way to think about it," you encouraged him. "Healing is such...a special act of goodness, act of light and love. When you...resurrect someone, you take part of yourself and you use it to spark the light in them. It's like...jumpstarting your car though. All the parts need to work right if you're gonna bring someone back. Their body. Their soul. Otherwise...otherwise it's like they're driving around without a windshield."
"Like the Marquis."
"Focus Eddie."
"Sorry."
"To heal someone, like I'm about to do to you though...it's easier...and it isn't. You just...shine your light on them. It fills them, warms them. You share a part of yourself with them, like sharing a blanket. There's a hole in them--"
"I think there's a few holes."
"Alright you're fine then." You tried to pull away from him but he gripped your hands tighter and pulled you closer again, practically onto his lap. "You gonna interrupt me again?"
"No, I promise."
You loosened one hand from his grasp and, on instinct, laid it over the burned handprint on his shoulder.
"When you're hurt, there's a hole that needs to be patched up. And your body can heal in time, but sometimes it's easier for someone to pour their light into you."
Just like you had with Mary Victoria the previous day, you willed the light inside to stir, to pour into Eddie, and to heal the burns. You opened your eyes and released his shoulder, and the burn was gone, the skin pristine, save for the scars that had already been there.
"There," you announced with a smile. Eddie opened his eyes and stared at you. "How does it feel?"
He inhaled deeply.
"You..." his eyebrows knit together. "You feel...I still feel you."
"I'm sure. It'll linger for a while."
"But I feel that way whenever I'm with you," he continued. "I think I've always felt that way with you, even when you weren't next to me, when you left...when I was still alive. When I was still me. And when you...when you left the other day and you went back to Hawkins...I needed you...I was desperate for you."
"I thought you said I've always been there with you," you reminded him.
"This is different," he whispered as softly as he could, and it came out as a rasp. "I need you more than anything now. I feel like I'm empty. And I need you to fill me back up."
Your breath hitched as you thought about the weight of the Upside Down and the hollow feeling; was that what he felt too? And you lessened that feeling for him, just as he had done for you?
Yes. That must be it.
"I need you too Eddie," you agreed. "In whatever way, shape, or form I can get you. Man...or monster, I need you."
He leaned closer, pulled you closer too, pulled you to straddle his lap. He watched you, you assumed, to see if you would flinch or push him away. But you never pushed him away.
You let him take your lips with his, let him kiss you, let his claws rasp along your skin again, trace along the very spots that he had pierced. You let him maneuver you, drag your center along his length to get you both ready for this connection once again.
This union.
This promise.
Just like the promises you had made since he returned to you; like the promises you made since the moment you met.
He broke your kiss and looked to you for reassurance, for consent, before he pulled you onto him, before you moaned in tandem at the feeling of being joined together once again.
If there was something about Eddie, he was a quick study; the things that had hindered you just moments ago--the sharpness of his claws, the untethered power of his body, the strength of his wings--suddenly became tantamount to your fucking.
He anchored those claws deep into the sturdy softness of your thighs, no vital organs at risk; his long arms wrapped around you so you'd feel safe in his embrace despite the ever-present sting as he maneuvered you up and down his shaft at a steady pace.
When he grew bold, he used those wings to propel you both forward, back to the altar, to cradle you in the soft safety of the nested blanket and pillows. He used the strength that this body belied to drive himself home within you over and over, twisted and contorted his body to bring you to the height of your pleasure repeatedly.
All the while he vowed to give you his sweet devotion.
Words spoken in hushed tones and then desperate shouts and then world-altering roars as his teeth snapped just inches from your face.
But there was no danger, no fear, no doubt.
Only love and worship and reverence and awe.
And then the moment came where you and Eddie reached the peak of your bliss, and your bodies ceased to exist. The moment where, in one instance he stilled deep within you and you clenched around him, and then next your beings melted together in a whining, chittering, quivering mess of light and being and consciousness.
When you returned to the universe, renewed once again by the presence of one another, Eddie fed from you again, from your wrist this time. He didn't even have to ask; you hues knew. You sensed that need within him, a hunger you wished to satiate, and you urged him to take what he needed.
It was the gentlest that he had ever bitten you; you barely felt a thing. Until he pulled away and you saw the matching, gaping, red wounds of your wrist and his mouth.
You pulled him to lay against you, and you carded your fingers through his hair as he thanked you repeatedly, whispered and kissed his gratitude against the skin of your chest.
You realized, as sleep began to overcome you, that something was different now, and you wondered if you had even descended from the height of your climax yet. Or if you were still there in the afterglow.
And if you were, was Eddie still with you?
Then you had another thought.
Was this what being normal felt like? Was this the outcome of his forgiveness? Had he really broken the curse?
You closed your eyes and figured that you might never know, might never make it to Heaven.
But this moment here, with Eddie, was the closest you would ever get.
And it would be enough.
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It was a dance.
Quite literally.
A dance with Eddie. Just you and him in this place deep and dark and hidden from the rest of the world.
Well alright, that was not quite the truth, not when there were thousands of glowing eyes and glinting claws and mouths dripping with hunger along the perimeter of the room. But it might as well be just the two of you; your love was enough to protect you. They didn't dare cross the veil of security while his hand held yours and you circled one another.
No music could be heard, no rhythm to speak of.
Just you and him. Jumping and head banging and twirling. He spun you, dipped you. Made a joke for you to dip him too, which caused you both to tumble to the ground in a fit of laughter.
Unadulterated joy.
You felt whole. Healed. Complete.
And you knew he felt the same.
This was where you belonged. Together.
"Let's try a waltz," he suggested.
"I don't know how to waltz, how do you know how to waltz," you laughed.
"PE, obviously. I can square dance too; you wanna do that instead?"
"No, no, show me how to waltz, Mr. Rochester."
"Gladly, my beloved Jane."
He did some wild and intricate bow, over exaggerated in the way only he could, and all the while you appreciate the sight. Full of life and energy and love, and it glowed from within him, practically illuminating the room.
He took your hand in his, grabbed your waist with the other, and led you with gentle instruction and encouragement. Once you had the steps down, he urged you to move, to spin, to traverse around the room, practically flaunting your invulnerability to the monsters that lay in wait on the outskirts.
Your combined laughter overwhelmed the clicking and hissing from beyond the dark veil.
"Alright, let's try this," Eddie instructed you with a chuckle. "I'm gonna dip you again."
"Oh Jesus ok, I'm not ready for that I don't think," you tried to dissuade him.
"You can't do any worse than Jeff did. Come on."
Unfortunately you did, your combined momentum from a spin was too much, and as Eddie went to dip you, you both fell in a soft pile of limbs and giggles and love. You rested your head back against the cold ground as Eddie rolled to the side, and when you opened your eyes you saw it.
A grand mirror, the frame of which was a dull and tarnished gold and layered in vines and slimey excrement. The edges of the reflective glass were scratched, but in the center, there you were.
The laughter and joy died in your throat as you stared at yourself, alone.
No monsters, surely, but no Eddie either.
You felt a familiar panic settle within you as your eyes darted back and forth around the reflection. A familiar hopelessness. And dread filled you because you knew, instinctually, that Eddie was still behind you...but was he?
"Sweetheart what's wrong?" Eddie questioned softly.
What if you turned around and you were alone again?
Lost again?
"Talk to me." You felt his hand on your shoulder, saw the indent of his touch in the reflection...but didn't see him. "What's going on?"
You wrenched your eyes shut as he fully grasped you by the shoulders and hovered over you.
"C'mon baby please," he sounded desperate. "What's wrong? Nothing's gonna happen. It'll be ok. I promised you, I'm here, it's gonna be alright. Trust me. Have faith in me."
Faith.
Was this a test of your faith? A test full of temptation? You taking the place of Orpheus as you sought safety in this underworld? And Eddie your Eurydice, continued existence hinging on that fragile string of faith?
But you knew deep in your heart, if you didn't have faith in anything else, you could have faith in him.
You slowly opened your eyes.
And witnessed a terrible sight.
Eddie, your Eddie, your soul and your salvation.
Broken.
Bleeding gashes on both sides of his neck, a slash on his wrist, a tear in the side of his shirt revealing a terrible wound, and lips that bubbled with blood.
"There you go," he muttered as though nothing was wrong. As though there were no droplets spattering onto your face as he spoke. "There's my girl."
You screamed.
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"But if you bite and devour one another, watch out, or you will be consumed by one another.” - Galatians 5:1
Next Chapter: Chapter 7 - Exodus
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katyspersonal · 2 months ago
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Honestly, thank you for calling Messmer a fascist I feel like so much of the fandom just ignore the way he is written for the sake of a more simplified and commodified character they can lust over. Not only is it weird to completely deny such an important part of his character that affects the wider narrative (not even getting into real world implications) it just makes him more boring! This is a Fromsoft game where very few characters are ever even close to morally pure. And yes, Messmer isn’t as pure evil as he was presented in the trailers, that doesn’t mean he’s a good person. A lot of people take away the main twist of the storyline as “the Hornsent were the bad guys the whole time and Messmer was completely in the right” when that’s just not the case. Sorry for ranting in your ask box I just thought you might like to hear out my case lol x)
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First not going to lie, frien, I start to have some personal concern because of the messages like this. 😔 I am getting the type of messages like "thank you for doing this Elden Ring thing when everyone else does that Elden Ring thing" + followed by jab at the fandom for not paying enough attention or variants! There was "thank you for actually having positive reading of Nanaya when people portray her as agent of chaos", then "thank you for writing Rellana with her own ideology when people portray her as just Golden Order simp", then "thank you for writing Messmer and Marika as fucked up when people make them wholesome mother-son bond"... now this too
I want to say that I do not blame you, or anyone who sent previous messages I mentioned! And I am glad that you find enjoyment and understanding in how I analyse and write Elden Ring things! Like, yes, I am happy that it resonated with you when by your own admission, it is not something you see often! ...that being said, I really do not fit to be the "face of opposition" if you can even call it that! xD I am very meticulous in my analysis (against my will, autism is just like this) and try to not have any bias but instead fixate on what the writer really wants to say, but I should be more critical with compliments that I accept! Don't want to get my ego bloated with comparisons fshhddhsf I accept the compliments for my posts! Just not the '...unlike the rest of the fandom' part if this can be helped!
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^^^ On the subject, Messmer said this phrase even in the first, gameplay trailer, and it already made me raise my eyebrow! Saying that "impure" creatures do not deserve to live is really wild, however, it didn't look to be Miyazaki's average jab at religious crusades... yet xD
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^^^ Then THIS stuff in the second trailer. Basically, I was already labelling him fascist before the DLC dropped 🙄
I was actually really... delighted to find out that Fromsoft touched such a huge topic? Even though it is called 'Crusade', Miyazaki's jab at religion leaned more towards Inquisitors of Hornsent! Messmer lived up to my expectations from his character and MORE! He is not even wiser than burning all traces of history and culture, had it not been for his Knights beings better than this! Honestly, Fromsoft raising the topics of fashism and genocide is one of their biggest Ws so far, and something I will always love SOTE for!
Above all I agree that even if you ditch everything about 'subtext', 'media literacy' and 'obvious implications', the story about "justified genocide" doesn't really offer anything interesting narratively! Making a whole nation/race/whatever 'inherently evil' and their genocide as heroic act....? It doesn't offer anything: no meaning, no fuel for self-reflection as society, no awareness of real world parallels, no philosophical debate about horrors of revenge cycle...
Doesn't offer anything interesting, except for.... yeah, making Messmer more approachable to simp for. Well, everyone knows what I think of such characters:
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Debate about media literacy and subtexts in Elden Ring is very tricky, and I've learned the hard way when Mohg beaten the allegations! (my confidence was shattered that day fhddhsf) It is hard to draw the line where 'obvious implication' ends and 'but they did not DIRECTLY say it...' starts! So yeah, when logic and reading deep ends, I think feelings can help. Messmer is a horrible, horrible person, and genocide is the worst thing humanity can fall into. Is making one character (maybe two, as Marika is connected) more "likeable" worth larger story with meaning, rising such significant topics? I don't think so!
As for Hornsent........ sighhhh...
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doctorofmagic · 2 years ago
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I know this wasn't the point of the Wanda post but I feel like this should be said: Introducing things from the movies into the comics is not always a bad thing like how Blade wasn't half vampire until after the film trilogy and everything that happened with comic 616 Nick Fury. But I could be wrong and those are actually terrible examples.
I agree with you! I don't think adaptations and new concepts are bad, but it really depends on every circumstance.
Cloud!Galactus will forever haunt the second FF movie. Let alone that *points at Victor von Doom as a whole*
On the other hand, some concepts are super welcome, like what they did with the Eternals, making most of their personalities waaaay more interesting (I suppose my only exception is Sersi. Comics!Sersi is/was so full of sass and I missed that. But Ikaris? Makkari? Druig? *chef's kiss*)
Nick Fury, imo, is a very unique concept because he only exists thanks to the Ultimates artist who used Samuel L. Jackson for his design. The actor saw that and wanted to be part of the MCU, which turned him into a very popular character, leading Ult!Fury to the 616, while 616!Fury is currently *whatever happened to him in Slott's FF run idrc* (correct me if I'm wrong on this, I read that info a long time ago)
Oh, and I can't say much about Blade because I'm just starting to read his chronology. But I think it's cool that he's a daywalker, as far as I know.
In short, it's okay if the movies introduce something cool to the character.
But back to Wanda... (and I know you didn't mention her, this is just me ranting, so please feel free to ignore that part, I'm just seizing this opportunity)
Nothing about her MCU characterization added good things to her comic book version. She was whitewashed, worked for Hydra, had a terrible storyline about grief and mental health (tipically stereotyped and twice as problematic since she's a woman) and finally had the "woman goes crazy with power" trope. She was never able to control her powers (as seen in Civil War) and let her emotions warp reality to fit her fantasies while being manipulated by both people and her own emotions (again, women are often called overly emotional, and I'm not excusing Bendis here because he did the same in comics). She became a villain during HoM and the times she was possessed by Chthon, but she was never meant to be *THAT* scary and evil. There's altruism in her essence (this is why the narrative of killing a teenager is just so off to me).
Wanda is a brown romani woman who was often persecuted due to her ethnicity, religion and skin color, as well as her mutant genes. And yes, the many reboots that tried to erase her identity. Even in modern day, she still has to deal with ill-intended writers who ignored the implications of her character as a hero of color and the double effort she has to perform in order to be accepted as an Avenger, (former) mutant and overall hero. Not only that, the fans have to BEG to artists to make sure she isn't whitewashed, while 0ls3n stans will mock and diminish those who ask for representation.
This is why it's so problematic for Wanda to be like that. Her entire characterization is made to please a toxic fanbase and use her as a symbol to promote their racism (as seen on my previous post).
In short, they don't like Wanda. They just idolize 0ls3n because she's white and plays a derranged woman filled with power. And that's kinda enough for them.
Don't get me wrong, I do love my fair share of female villains (I'm literally in 300 different fandoms). But Wanda was not meant to be that, especially knowing that there are so few female heroes of color on screen (it gets even worse when we only count phase 1, 2 and 3).
In any case, my point is, fans cannot accept the influence of MCU!Wanda to be translated to comics because it's erasure of her identity and plain racism. The new team is working very hard to portray a woman of color as she was supposed to be ever since her roma heritage was established in comics, and it's infuriating that people will turn a blind eye to all that.
Like, this kind of shit keeps happening over and over.
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Even when Wanda is a brown woman like she's supposed to be, they still find a way to erase her through 0ls3n's whiteness. This is not different from those derranged people who pick white actors and photoshop them over Black Panther's characters (I've seen one just yesterday).
Sure many minorities were poorly portrayed back then, often depicting problematic characterizations, but here's an excellent case of how comic books allow room for growth (I was talking about HP and JK but it also fits this post)
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Agatha was just the last bit of bad influence from that accursed TV show. She was deaged, which is absurdly ageist. There are so many few elderly and middle-aged women in the Marvel universe. There's less now because women can't be old (ask me about the anons that stated Charlize was too old to play Clea and watch me burn in rage).
Anyways, I wanted to make this about Wanda again because it's not just a case of bad adaptation. It's a political statement -- and a bad one. And I don't want ANY OF THAT in a media that is so political and means so much to minorities. I feel like it's important for us to talk about this ALWAYS. So yeah. I don't know how to end this post. Representation matters. Thank you for coming to my ted talk.
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multicolour-ink · 2 years ago
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Hello!
I don't know much about "His Dark Materials", but what you have published has caught my attention (the most familiar I am is with the movie The Golden Compass).
I understand that some cultures and theories say that twins "share a soul" from the moment of conception.
Under that logic, is it possible for the brothers to share a daemon?
Sorry if it's a silly question. By the way, I love what you write.
We in the HDM fandom do not speak about the movie. It is a far cut below the entire series itself 😝
Thank you so much for your question and kind words 💗💗💗
I'll be honest, discussing "His Dark Materials" with anyone who is not that aware of it is difficult, mostly because of the sensitive topics brought up in the series that some people (understandably) can find too uncomfortable to talk about.
Yes, there are biblical name drops and references throughout the series, talks about Sin, and even a religious group that rules a world and are essentially the bad guys.
But I swear, under all that is a truly great story!
(I'll be honest, I believe a lot of the controversial stuff is mostly the result of the author ranting about his own biased opinions)
I would like nothing more than to explain these books in greater detail - for those who may have not got what some things meant the first time round, or just simply misunderstood them. I want to help people understand that there is more to this series than just "religion is evil", and not demonic literature.
But to do so would mean spoiling a lot of the series, which I don't really want to do, and would prefer to encourage others to check out the series first if they can.
But if anyone is interested (and doesn't mind spoilers), my inbox is open! I'm always happy to answer questions and talk.
Even my own opinions about this series have changed over the years. I admit, I was mostly blown away the first time as a young teen, simply because it wasn't like anything else I was reading at the time. Everything else was so grounded in reality - THIS, to me at least, opened up so many ideas and concepts. It was a lot to take in!
Anyway, apologies for getting a little off topic there! As for your question about the Bros: I've never heard about that cultural idea about twins being born with one soul. That is fascinating! Is it talking about just identical twins, or both identical and fraternal? Because it sounds like something more likely to do with identical twins than fraternal (given that the former starts off as one being that splits in the womb - whereas the latter doesn't).
I really don't know if Philip Pullman himself (author of HDM) ever addressed this, and I don't recall any twin characters in the books.
I will have to say that no, I don't think twins (or the Bros) would share a dæmon, as they are essentially separate people. And plus since dæmons can't be far apart from their humans, it would be a fine thing if, say, one twin had to go somewhere further away from the other and their dæmon couldn't stay near both at the same time! But, I would like to believe that twins with dæmons are more intertwined. Like I said with the Bros, as twins, their souls are spiritually linked and they can sense each other. I imagine that twins could (to some extent) feel each other's dæmons, and even communicate with the other's and not just their own.
Could they be able to touch each other's? Well considering the influence of the taboo, I would say no. But let's just say, that maybe some twins worked out a way in secret!
And in the AU, Mario and Luigi are just that unique 😉
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a-libra-writes · 2 years ago
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hi Libra! 💕 I’m a recent follower of yours & would like to start with how you’re my favorite GOT writer on tumblr. Everything you write & post is just 😙🤌 chefs kiss.
I’m not sure if this would be considered a request (if it is, I can re-request it when your requests are open if you’re ok with it!) or an opinion, but do you think many of the lords of Westeros (especially the traditional ones, like Stannis, Ned, Tywin & Roose) would marry a foreigner? I’m trying to write a fic with a woman from Essos entering the realms of Westeros & couldn’t think of the answer on my own so I thought I’d ask for your reliable opinion.
Thank you so much for all you do ✨
Firstly, thank you so much for the kind words and secondly, for the interesting ask! I wouldnt consider this a request so much as just picking my brain and Im glad to rant. This is moreso my own opinions and thoughts that I've taken from the books, ofc it's your fic so you should do what's most interesting for you!
This gets long because yall know I talk so here's a cut.
Essos is a massive continent with tons of different cultures. I'd say just for the sake of ease, have your character be from the Free Cities - Westeros is familiar with them via trade, entertainers and in some case assassins or soldiers... unlike the Dothraki Sea, Valyria, Summer Islands or Yi Ti, which are so far away and disconnected they almost seem like myths. Also, many of the Free Cities have nobility that is kind of similar to the Westerosi feudal system.
So, a lord marries politically for money, influence, power etc (let's disregard a love marriage for now bc that's not common or considered wise). Marrying someone from Essos doesn't really give any outright benefit - there's no military or political alliance there, as the closest thing Westeros has to diplomacy with the Free Cities is independent trade and the Braavosi bank. Therefore marrying for money is the most likely reason to take on a foreign bride; and a second, third, fourth etc son is the most likely to do this. This lady will always be seen a foreigner and outsider, esp if she keeps speaking her own language and dressing in her culture's clothes. If she tries to assimilate to Westerosi culture, there may be better results.
(If you want me to get specific about characters; imo Stannis will always marry for duty above emotion, Ned would maybe marry for love if Brandon was still alive + married to Cat, Tywin would never consider a marriage that doesn't politically benefit him, Roose would likely accept a bride with an excellent dowry and possible other benefits (like extended trade). BUT this is YOUR fanfic so you should do as you please! this is just my suggestions.)
So! Let's run through the various Free Cities, because they're quite different.
Braavos is the wealthiest of the Free Cities, and IMO has the most trade and influence with Westeros. Their people, religion, culture and languages are varied and they don't have an analogue to noble houses. The closest thing is maybe a relative of the Sealord, but that's a weirdly elected position (read here).
Lorath! Not known is much about these guys, other than them being the kinda poorest and saddest meow meows. So, not a great canidate.
Lys, my beloved! I'm very biased. There's already precendent for Targaryen rulers taking Lysene mistresses and wives, and they do have noble houses, some being incredibly wealthy. So, there's a good option!
Myr! We already have a canonical Myrish lady who married into House Merriweather, so there's that. As far as we know, she isn't nobility, but Myr does have noble houses, the same as Lys. Myr is also considered to be the most advanced technologically and scientifically, so there's some brain worms for you snack on.
Norvos! From what I understand, they are not ruled by nobility (they're a theocracy), but have noble houses. Prince Doran's wife is Norvoshi, so even a Lord Paramount can marry an Essosi woman with no immediate imploding disaster.
Pentos! A fabulously wealthy city, even by the Free Cities' standards. There are noble houses and a ceremonial "Prince", though the city is ruled by magisters, as are most Free Cities. Presumably these magisters are of noble birth or rich merchants, like the others.
Qohor! Probably the most "out there" of the Free Cities, as far as culture, magic and trade goes. They're also connected to Yi Ti politically and economically. It's unclear how they're governed, personally I HC it as a theocracy/council of spooky wizards.
Tyrosh! The really outlandish and colorful guys, though Westeros says that about most Free Cities people, lol. They also have noble houses, and a leader who is chosen from them.
Volantis! Our last one, also hot as hell. They have noble houses and two political parties that these houses take sides on.
So yeah! Look into the ASOIAF wiki (my beloved!) and see which ones tickle you. Im simplifying a lot but I think you can get really creative with your character and her backstory. One of my favorite asoiaf OC's is half Lysene on her mother's side, and I enjoyed thinking up headcanons and lore about that.
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mintaikk-deadaccount · 1 year ago
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Trying to be more positive, and I don't like people associating me with things I hate irl, so here are some things I love. Reblog this with things you love!
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-Art. Pretty much any art. Paintings, sculptures, digital art, traditional art, etc
-Cartoons. I really like shows like Pokemon, Helluva boss, Hazbin hotel, Lego monkie kid, Bluey, and my favorite cartoon movie is The Lego Batman Movie
-Drawing. Definitely one of my favorite things, and I do it all the time. My entire account is a drawing blog, lol
-Video games. I'm not really a "gamer" in the traditional sense, but I love video games like Pokemon, Hollow Knight, Minecraft, and I'm trying out Cookie Run Kingdom
-Pokemon is going in its own little section. I literally have about 5 roleplay blogs for it, lol. I also really love drawing Pokemon and studying the lore of the games
-Birds. I really love birds! I have bird feeders which I haven't filled in a awhile, but I loved watching the birds come down and eat. I hear a crow and a Bluejay every morning, but I've only seen the Bluejay once, and I really want to see them again! And there's a Robin, a Sparrow, and a dove couple that live in my tree and I really love them
-Plush toys. Most of them are in the basement as I redecorate my room, but there are some that I still sleep with. My favorite one is this teddy bear named Bosco
-Plants and herbs. I find that stuff very interesting, and I love learning about plant life and the different uses and symbolism of flowers and herbs
-Mythology and fairytale. I love going around and reading books and fairytales from different cultures. I'm currently reading 2 books called Journey to the West, an old 1600s Chinese book, and the Red Swan, which is a book containing a bunch of Native American myths
-Crystals. I have a Crystal's collection, and I really enjoy learning about them
-Demonology and whatever the study of angels is called. I have like 30 page papers on different demons and angels in Abraham's religions because I find that stuff so interesting! Thank my sister for letting me rant to her for 30 minutes about it, lol
-Moths. Moths are very cute. My favorite moth is the Luna Moth (even if they only live for a week in their moth form, lol)
-Possums. Opossums are one of my favorite animals, but Australian Possums are cute too
-Fashion. I like a bunch of different fashion senses, especially androgynous and alternative fashion
-Weirdcore, dreamcore, and traumacore. It teaches us not to be afraid of the unknown, and can help people cope with their trauma
-Music. Music is my entire life. My favorite genres are classical, rock, screamo, whatever fantasy music is called, pop, and showtoons, and whatever the genre for video game music is called
-Stickers, pins, figurines, etc. They're all very cute
-The cafe aesthetic. I don't go to many cafes because I don't live near many where you can sit down, but I still really like them.
-Borzois. They're so freaking goofy
-Goijg on walks. Mostly at the evening, because that's my favorite time of day
-Room decorating. Currently decorating my room right now, and planning on how to do it is very fun
-Shipping. As someone who doesn't really care for dating, I really like shipping characters in fiction
-Cryptids. I love cryptids a lot! And I p9ve studying them as well
-Mythical creatures. I love them a lot. Fairies, dragons, sirens, etc
-Cottagecore. Nature also works, bit cottagecore has a nice feeling to it. The scenery is very comforting to me
-Mushrooms. Mushrooms are very interesting, and I like the names and visuals of them. The food is okay
That's all I can think of right now, lol. Thanks for reading if you got this far!
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ohlawdthebirds · 3 months ago
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Ramblings on ocd, religion, and sexuality
Tw for all topics listed above.
Ok so...I just kinda need a space to vent/rant, and if anything here resonates with you, feel free to comment on it!
Today was a bit of a rough one, unfortunately. Had a few things bother me, namely overhearing discussions between family members. I had two family members talk about their back to school concerns, and one of them went on about needing to pray over my cousin so that they wouldn't be peer pressured into doing anything. On the surface, this makes sense, but as I listened more, the topic veered into the usual territory of "kids these days are so confused"/seeing queerness as a trend. The worst part?
This cousin in question is, in fact, queer. They've disclosed this to me, and it breaks my heart that our family isn't accepting of queerness. Similarly, my parents were listening to this youtuber criticize a politician that was going on about "our children deserve to be who they are and love who they love." The youtuber then went on with the usual claptrap of "they want our children to chop off their body parts"/ "they're sexualizing the kids!!!" And my parents agreed with it. Well, my dad at least. I have reason to believe he has bought into the idea that progressives/democrats/ whomever are preying on kids. Father God, help us all. It's terrifying to live in a house where I know I can never truly come out. I hate keeping this secret so close to my chest. It feels like my soul is curdling like old milk (is this a dramatic metaphor? Yes, but I'm allowing myself to be dramatic on my own post, doggone it!)
Which brings me to the part where I rant about having ocd while trying to navigate literally anything.
I'm pretty sure I'm an asexual lesbian, right? I have no desire to date/marry a man. I've mentioned why in an earlier post, but the reason I'm still unsure is because
a) I'm still in a very religious environment that is unwelcoming to queerness and
b) having ocd makes it hard for me to declare things with finality. Because of the narratives I was fed throughout my life, I am sometimes afraid to truly accept that I'm queer because what if this truly is a phase? What if I can't trust my feelings? What if I become one of those "ex-gay" Christians? My brain compulsively tells me that I have to wait until I'm 100% sure, but also I may never truly be sure. Again, I have been taught not to trust my feelings! This makes it difficult to discern things sometimes!!
Unfortunately, I do have to deal with a lot of these issues on my own because I'm at such a weird place in my life. Too Christian for the queers, too queer for the Christians. Ack. Augh. Oough. Whatever! I feel weirdly alone in all this, like I can't even turn to God with most of my issues because I've been taught that He finds my queerness to be an abomination. I know this isn't true, but it's hard to truly believe that He's not disgusted by the fact that I'm not straight. That I want a wife, that I want to be comfortable identifying outside of the binary everyone else has set for me.
This isn't the last time I'll be talking about this. If you made it this far, thank you so much for reading. Please keep me in your prayers, because my mental health has been going THROUGH IT. And I'll keep you all in my prayers as well. We aren't alone. We'll be okay.
We have to be.
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intrusive-thoughtz · 2 years ago
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I need better friends that I can talk to and they engage versus me just talking. I would also love a therapist but economically financially that isn't happening. I also feel like I could check myself into the psychiatric ward for about a week as a vacation it's terrible that I would see a psychiatric ward as a vacation.
I can't talk to my mom because she's a narcissist so every time I talk to her everything's about her. She will start talking to me about groceries when I'm talking to her about wanting to die. My dad he lives with me but he's a stranger in this home so basically he passes by me 50 times a day does not address my existence does not answer me when I'm talking to him me and holding a grudge from 20 years ago for his bad behavior as a parent because he can't reflect and heal his trauma.
I have over a hundred cousins and I don't talk to any of them. I had one who is my pride my joy the love of my life and my mother and his mother do not get along and they started fighting and pushed us apart and now they want us to be friends again but this ship has sailed it is gone and then it sank like the Titanic I know better than to get my hand burned twice especially by family I trust no one.
I've also had a terrible fucking day at work the other day some man was purchasing a parakeet and a gecko and I gave him paperwork to sign checked his ID to make sure he was of age and he just signed the bottom without filling out any of the information and I said oh no I'm going to have to have you fill out the rest of that and then he called my job and complained today and said that I am the worst employee he has ever met and every time he sees me I am nasty. Homie I have never even met you before and no one else was around while I was taking care of you so what the fuck are you talking about. And when I'm talking to some customers I see them three times a week for the last year we're on a friendly basis to joke around laugh and maybe say a few inappropriate jokes to each other why don't you just mind your business and leave a review about how I treated you because no one else was complaining just you.
my manager decided to take me aside and have a conversation with me and all it did was make me cry frustrated and have anxiety. Got to mention that I do think that I'm about a year or two away from having a fucking heart attack and dropping dead which sounds fucking glorious by the way but in the meantime it's kind of fucking shaky and weird and I have problems breathing and my blood pressure is off but nobody can find anything I'm going to have a heart attack. And I'm fine with that just fucking cremate me or I will be pissed off. I feel like I've lived a hundred lives and I've been hung shot and buried more than I would like to admit to so can we just fucking cremate me. The thing is my parents are Jehovah witnesses so they probably won't do it because if they're religion even though that has nothing to do with me because I'm not religious.
if you've even read this and got this far thank you I'm just ranting to empty space so I don't fucking die of this heart attack or go mentally insane and end up in that psychiatric ward that I really don't want to go to because no one's going to take care of my animals if I do.
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kuromi-hoemie · 8 months ago
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1. i am left handed
2. I've kinda played a lot of instruments and music was a p big part of my life growing up. my favorite to play were drums for 5 years and my second favorite was bass for 3 (❁´◡`❁)
3. i also skated for a decade. like on a skateboard down stairs n roofs n big gaps kinda thing 0: i was pretty good actually lol
i go up to 15 facts but I'll put the rest under the read more :3c
@ghoul-butch @thisismenoww @babyboodle @mellueminate @tranzjen @mothgirlyuri @limedotsoda
4. i used to get free public transportation thru my old job, but when covid first hit and i didn't have access to a car i made myself an ebike 🚴🏾‍♀️ it felt p cool whizzing around town at 30 something mph on my lil grocery run
5. i have happened to come across many witches and mediums in life so far and i feel like we always find each other at the right time (❁´◡`❁) the world is so interesting and mysterious! (do not ask me about this, this is my extremely long rant topic depending on who's asking lmaoo. related to something of a lifelong passion/fascination of mine)
6. i mention it in passing but i grew up with hauntings being a very regular thing across different houses and have experienced plenty in adulthood, but not as much as me n my fam all under the same roof. ghost stuff is complicated to rant about but this is basically tied to #5
╰( ̄ω ̄o) this childhood is sort of the basis of my framework of understanding (as opposed to a Religion)
7. i used to pierce ppl when i was 18. i was good at it and had a lot of happy clients, but i was not certified. i also didn't like this shop i was wanting to apprentice for for trying to make me do a tattoo apprenticeship too (this was also actually what killed art for me and made me stop drawing entirely for 10 years).
🚶🏾‍♀️what i ended up doing is since the shops take 50% what u get paid anyways why don't i just charge half the price. i was snatching up so many of the younger customers in my age group bc of word of mouth, affordability, and my professionalism 🙂‍↕️ i took it very seriously and even a decade later it makes me happy to think there are ppl out there still happy with what i was able to do for them, the same way i feel so great w how i look thanks to the piercer I've been coming back to myself.
8. i grew up in a small city/big town by the beach (❁´◡`❁) i remember it fondly
9. i was caught up in a love triangle w twins once and it was as messy as you probably would imagine lmaoo
10. learned how to drive a forklift before i learned how to drive a car and was so good at it i had ppl w decades of experience watch me try to fit something on a rack and they'd be like “there's no way you're gonna make that fit” well guess fucking WHAT buddy!!! 💅🏾 every time, i loved having a lil audience
11. i lived next to this old lady who grew and sold hella weed and i also got one of my favorite pets from her. she gave me a little albino rat 🥺 the weed was funny bc we were a few blocks away from the police station actually pre-legalization 😹 she was cool as hell. she'd splice peyote w some other kind of cactus and in doing so u could harvest it in just 2 years i think? and it's supposed to take much longer otherwise, i never got to try it but that sounds cool
12. on that note I've tried salvia before which was rly funny and stupid but also so wild ajdjska. if u feel like u will still be fully present and aware no you will not lmfao i got yoinked into another reality in the middle of some prison break plot lmao 😭
13. i used to throw knives when i was younger and i got back into throwing knives again recently, and also am giving the spikes a try this time (⁠ ⁠ꈍ⁠ᴗ⁠ꈍ⁠) very fun
14. i do 3D modeling and electrical engineering as a hobby sometimes but i ONLY am ever compelled to do it when it's for taking care of plants. my dream would be to have a huge lab complex with different zones for different climates for growing different kinds of plants separated by their general purpose (ie spices, medicinal herbs, fruits n veggies etc). but a bunch of others too just bc they're neat. i rly wanna play around w hydroponics and think being able to fully automate plant care and learning how to care for all of them sounds rly nice (❁´◡`❁) i could settle for a greenhouse too ♡⁠ apartment indoor gardening it is though huh (⁠´⁠ ⁠.⁠ ⁠.̫⁠ ⁠.⁠ ⁠`⁠)
15. i have never had a straight era. when i was little i knew of LGB and straight ppl but didn't ever see myself as belonging to one or thought about it. i watched the music video for Im Not Okay and Frank kissing Gerard immediately made me realize and instantly accept that i was bisexual. being bisexual has always been pretty matter of fact to me and as a kid i didn't hide it but didn't rly feel the need to talk about it either unless u asked lol. but like. i was never questioning, i wasn't even ever straight and i think that's really funny. i didn't get to intentionally explore myself as a queer person until my early 20s but i have always been surrounded by queer ppl and that's rly nice 👼🏾
if you get this, answer with three random facts about yourself and send it to the last seven blogs in your notifs! anon or not, doesn’t matter, let’s get to know the person behind the blog <3 (absolutely no pressure)
I didnt have my first friend in the same grade that stayed my friend until 4th grade
My Choir teacher was in a hallmark movie
My favorite class is band
@hold-my-dr-pepper @somewhatcompetent @beechaotic @angel-and-the-serpent @babyqueenfangirl @definitelynotriana @smokee-bee (Sorry smokee!)
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kim-poce · 2 years ago
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I just really really wanted to thank you for your position on the NPD post you made. I'm in the process of potentially getting an NPD diagnosis and I'm quite literally terrified of actually getting diagnosed because of the way that society and the mental health establishment treat people with NPD. Like I don't want everyone in my life to abandon me suddenly when nothing about me has changed at all just because I have a new label for mental health stuff now.
Also studies have shown that there's literally no difference between so called 'narcissistic abuse' and psychological abuse, most people who commit 'narcissistic abuse' absolutely do not meet diagnostic criteria for NPD and they're just NT people choosing to do bad things, that people with NPD are far more likely to be abused than abuse, and that most people with NPD have it because of early childhood abuse towards them (which makes it especially gross that people think people with NPD are innately abusers tbh). People who talk about it though clearly don't care about that though and just read some poorly researched pop psych article and think that they now have the ability to group people into immutable categories of good and bad.
Basically people look at people with NPD and decide that we're all evil because we're different, same as any ND trait. Like it really is what you've said, where people are saying all people with NPD are innately evil and all evil people obviously have NPD so that people don't have to take responsibility for their own actions and so they they can write off all people with NPD and not ever have to show compassion and care for us because they don't see us as people anymore. Like they really are just saying "I think you hurt other people (even if you don't) so I'm going to hurt you first because it's okay then" and it's fucking awful to be sitting there on the other end of it. My abuser was my very NT mother who abused me for being obviously autistic and now I probably have another super stigmatized ND because of it that will make people think it's okay to abuse me more because they think the world is abuse or be abused for some reason and I'm just tired of it tbh. Morality is based on choices you make and actions you take, not what categories you belong to, whether that be race, religion, orientation, gender, disability, etc.
Sorry for my long ass rant, I just really really appreciate what you said. You're quite literally the only person without NPD I've ever seen defend us against the constant ableism and hatred we experience and it just really really means a lot to me. We're not monsters, we're just people, and I think you're literally the only person who's ever just seen that and decided to defend us and be an ally to us just because it's the right thing to do (and because the ableist bias and establishment sucks). I just can't even communicate how much that means to me and how wonderful it is to not have to do it myself for once. Thank you so much!! 💜
You are welcome, and yes, people do tend to only see stereotypes and never go further than that (since it's easier to think you are right than to admit you are hurting people, it's a common denial), and for them, labeling groups of people as "good" and "evil" is okay as long as they are in the "good" group.
Not everything is black and white, in truth, almost nothing is this simple, and labeling this in this binary system of "evil" and "good" will only get people hurt.
It's often hard to get rid of the unconscious ableism we grew up with, but it's important to try and learn step by step. Now, there are many people out there, I'm sure I'm not the only one who can look further than the stereotypes, so there are many other people on your side, who know you are not a monster, and knows that this disorder doesn't make you evil.
You are loved. Be safe.
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evilwickedme · 2 years ago
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Very much enjoyed your Cap/David analysis! I have never seen people theorize Cap is a golem - the only character I’ve heard people say that for is Wonder Woman, actually. I’d love to hear your thoughts on that - she obviously has free will but on the other hand she IS made of clay for a specific purpose…?
RE Vision, do you think it would be just him that fits the golem qualifications, or would the rest of his family count too?
Hey, thank you so much for your kind words, I'm glad you liked the post! I promise you that Cap being the golem is not only something that I've seen repeatedly on Tumblr, but is right now being repeated a lot on comictok and jewtok, and can be seen in a lot of the literature on the subject (it's been a while since I read any of it because I find most of it shallow and/or obvious, but iirc either one or both of Up, Up and Oy Vey and From Krakow to Krypton discuss it).
Anyway as for Wonder Woman, I get what you mean, but the story of the golem is actually more than just "creature made of clay" and I feel like Diana ultimately doesn't fall into it. I'm not extremely familiar with her classic origin story, but as far as I know, she isn't really made to be a protector with the power of God (or gods, as the matter may be) - her heroic nature is not built into the clay and the way she was brought back to life, nor is it part of her weakness. Her stories don't really have much to do with the golem's story either - to the point where I can't even compare and contrast, they just deal with completely different ideas. And that's fine, the few WW comics I've picked up have been great and if any of you have been around for a while you'll know I made the 2017 movie my personality for like a year, but we have to acknowledge two things when we look at WW's origin story and that is 1. Diana was in fact created by Jews like most every important comic book character, and so while it might not be a useful tool for analysis, that doesn't mean it didn't influence the writing choices whether consciously or subconsciously and 2. Greek mythology has its own stories of statues come to life.
(Sidenote, I'm currently reading - and almost done with - The Wolf and the Woodsman, and oh my God that book's discussion of the way stories can be shared across religions and cultures makes me so happy)
As for the Vision family - I think we have to go back to the base question at the core of my thought experiment (bc it is still very much experimental) regarding Vision even being a golem, which is, does he have a soul? Does his family have a soul? Does the reveal that they're based on other people make this better or worse? If Vision has a soul, did he always have a soul, or did he gain one?
I never got more than a couple of issues into Vision due to incredibly bad timing - it started exactly as I was getting into reading comics for the first time and it ended up getting pushed to the wayside, and when I say this whole thing has ended up on the backburner in recent months I mean it - it's a project I'm very interested in, but I've had both real life and other fandom matters to deal with since I wrote the Cap rant last spring. But here's my current theory, with my very vague memories of the few issues of Vision I read and what I've seen of it through other people's discussions of it.
If we take it as a fact that Vision is a golem, and therefore has no soul as of the Vision comic, he cannot truly create like a living person can, and therefore he cannot imbue the power of God into any potential protectors. There's also the fact that while Vision is made to be a hero, none of his family is made with the intention of being heroic. His "daughter" does end up joining the Champions and being an incredibly interesting character in her own right afaik, but he did not create her for that purpose. We do, however, have the aspect of the original story that almost presents the golem as a failed experiment - the golem has to be quote-unquote "killed" at the end because he broke the rules of Shabbat, and not all the members of the Vision family make it to the end, or even particularly far. But they don't die because of their nature - so again, false comparison.
I think that if I were to take Vision as a golem, he would have to stand on his own, and this question has actually got me second guessing the comparison between him and the golem more than anything else anybody else has ever said, so thank you for that. Genuinely, it's always good to have more material.
I still need to read literally anything with the original human torch in it, somebody push me to get on that.
Anyway, thanks again for the thoughtful questions! I'm really happy to have spent a half hour on this, it's been a while since I really have.
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incorrectmahabharatquotes · 3 years ago
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OMGGGG now they're after you. Wtf and here I thought at least Tumblr is going to provide a free space for boundless venting. So wow one can't even think a certain way about something. Like bruh do these lowlifes even read the things they so vehemently defend. What you rant is what comes to almost everybody's mind after reading or seeing these mythological stories for the first time. Something tells me these rats are going to discard even those aspects of their very precious scriptures that doesn't fit in their vision of Hinduism or whatever their ideology espouses. Oh wait they just did ( remembers the recent burning of Kamasutra)🙂.
Anyway, stay strong you guys, you people are icons because you showed us an avenue of freedom regarding certain things that we didn't dare to brood much about outside their established nature of reception.
I understand that you might feel threatened which might force you to stop because who knows how far the reach of these rats extend. And we will understand but I earnestly pray that your awesome site doesn't cease to be.😢.
Love y'all NOW AND ALWAYS.
I just saw this and this made my entire life. Now and always. Much love to people like you, and others who have followed this blog. I stan and will always be humbled by the fact that there are people ready to listen and acknowledge that sure, sometimes we may not agree on what is "Canon" Hinduism, but we can always have some fun with our not so organized, organized religion as well as discuss the actual problematic stuff that has come out of it. I would like to also add that the reason I am ready to critique Hinduism as a whole is because 1. I have grown up in it and 2, because I grew up in it, I understand better what texts are problematic and what stuff is not. (That other anon was talking about why we weren't critiquing other religions, very new shit, I know) I don't think we'll actually stop, not anytime soon, really. It's not like we're actually posting regularly, life is busy af like that. Plus I don't actually believe a certain IT cell is after us (you'd know when you see me, an absolute coward, bail). XD Though dw, I'm usually hypersensitive to such things, would definitely raise a stink IF that happened. (Let's just hope that Tumblr is pretty forgotten). Thanks, once again, for letting me feel some hope for the world. -Mod G (Not ModiG)
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daz4i · 3 years ago
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i posted a quick thing abt it earlier but now i’m posting a whole rant. tw antisemitism as well as mentions of terrorism under the cut. i would actually appreciate it if my goyishe mutuals try to read it despite the length
it’s actually making me really angry how easily antisemitic lies are spread on this site, especially under the guise of leftism. you’re using people’s good will to further a destructive agenda, and every time a jewish person speaks up against it we’re brushed off as aggressive, racist (bc correcting goyim about their misinformation is apparently the same as hating palestinians?? for some reason??), or literally attacked for *checks notes* saying we actually don’t want to be murdered or hate crimed in some other way
it’s especially common with american or british goyim to apply the logic of their own countries to the israeli-palestinian conflict and refuse to listen to anyone pointing out how it’s way more nuanced than just “big country steals land from natives just to get stronger” even if that’s what you see on the surface, and part of it is because of said antisemitic lies
there is historical - not that far history either, we’re talking 70, maybe 80 years ago, there’s people still alive who went through this - context to it all, most of it being THE LITERAL HOLOCAUST, YOU KNOW, A GENOCIDE JEWISH PEOPLE WENT THROUGH, 6 MILLION OF US DIED, WE STILL HAVEN’T REACHED THE AMOUNT OF PEOPLE WE HAD BEFORE IT SINCE THEN BECAUSE IT WAS THIS DESTRUCTIVE TO OUR PEOPLE, that’s the reason why israel even exists in the first place. that’s not even considering hate crimes and other cases of terrorism targeting jews still happening around the world.
people saying zionism isn’t tied to judaism are either lying or are severely misinformed. zionism’s whole point is wishing for jews to be able to live and practice their religion in the country promised to them by god, aka zion, aka israel. that’s literally it. don’t let goyim make you think otherwise, don’t let them make you think it has nothing with religion, this is antisemitic propaganda and you are falling for it. (this whole rant started bc i saw a post of someone talking about how dumb and for some reason racist it is to say antizionism is antisemitism and i wanted to bite someone fr bc i KNOW they’re not jewish they’re just an antizionist and didn’t like being called antisemitic for it so they demonized the jewish people who called them out on it. please don’t put shit like that on my dash thank you)
i will admit that the modern definition of zionism slightly changed - not to most jews tbh, more to a very loud (and dangerous) minority within us, and that’s how we got to the current situation of oppressor-oppressed. i am more than willing to admit the israeli government is committing awful acts driven partially by racism and thirst for more power, especially with how right leaning it’s been for years now. we shouldn’t ignore this either.
however, hating israeli people for committing the awful crime of... being born... in a place........ IS antisemitic. i won’t blame palestinians who hate us, but i will definitely call out anyone else for that. do you hate every american person for simply being born in america because of what the actions of their government? no? okay, then what’s different about the israeli people? 🤔 hmmm really makes you think 
if your argument is “but you all serve in the military and therefore taking part in the oppression” i’ll have to remind you that:
military service is mandatory at 18 years old for 2-3 years
refusing to serve with no actual reason for it (like a disability of some sort for example) means you go to prison as well as get a huge stain on your future in general, so obviously almost all 18 y/os would prefer to serve and just get it over with rather than risk it
most of the soldiers in the idf are teenagers who may have gotten some basic training, a good majority of them probably doing office/computing jobs or stuff more similar to volunteer works but in uniform rather than going on the field and engaging in any form of violence 
which like. i can’t tell you what your opinion should be obviously but i think these are some things you should consider when you form one, not about the conflict itself but about the idf or israeli individuals 
also automatically assuming every israeli person supports the government no matter what is just dumb. we’re not a hive mind. our last prime minister and trump’s ex-bestie netanyahu stayed in power for this long by taking advantage of political loopholes basically (and tbh that’s how our current racist prime minister got the role too) rather than fair democratic elections (also even if he just got elected that doesn’t mean every single israeli person agrees with him, that’s just how democracy works. his supporters aren’t even a majority because we’ve got so many parties in every election cycle - another reason why you shouldn’t apply american or british standards to this country). viewing us as this one being that just wants to kill and steal land is antisemitic
on that note, the whole “thieves” thing ppl have abt israel is also antisemitic. for some more historical context, jews have been called thieves for centuries and we’re constantly blamed for most problems as well as for “taking over” everything because a lot of jews worked in banks and took care of money in many countries in europe, so when people had problems they dumped it on us. that’s part of where the whole lizard people conspiracy theory started from, too (on that note, don’t joke about it, yes not even about mark zuckerberg no matter how much you hate him, i hate him too but that’s no reason to make antisemitic jokes about a jewish man) 
even today, jewish people face violence and terrorism. just two weeks ago in chicago a jewish man was assaulted and synagogues and jewish schools were vandalised and sprayed with swastikas, for example. you can’t pretend antisemitism is irrelevant to this - the reason israel even exists, the reason the un decided it should exist, is to avoid cases like this. i’m only 23 years old but i remember when i was in like, middle school, there was a surge of french jews moving here after a wave of antisemitic hate crimes. this is still an issue and yes, this affects the conflict, because these people - as well as anyone being born here - need to live somewhere, obviously. you can’t talk about how we need to be kicked out of this country when this is what happens when we live anywhere else. you can’t say “never again” but then ignore what needs to be done for jews to actually be safe (i DON’T mean wars and killing palestinians or kicking them out of their homes, on god no one take me out of context and assume i’m implying something like that. i mean finding a place for jews to live and be safe). you can’t say “punch nazis” but constantly fall for their propaganda, they WILL use your good will to trick you into hating us. 
basically, i’m just asking you to pay attention, and to think before you keep spreading misinformation or sometimes even purposely malicious propaganda. 
is the person saying what does and doesn’t count as antisemitism actually jewish? no? probably propaganda, or best case scenario, a misguided person who thinks too highly of themselves. either way don’t engage with what they say and i’d say even block them, even if you think they make some good points.
is this post talking about the israeli government, or about israeli people? if it’s the latter, it’s antisemitic. at the best case scenario, it’s a person not thinking their words through, but this is still spreading dangerous ideas. don’t spread them even further. 
is a post condemning an israeli individual (most obvious example: gal gadot) for serving in the army? if you’ve read this post you already know it’s a little more nuanced. as i said, make your own opinion on the matter, but let it be an informed one rather than hating someone for something they didn’t have much of a choice in. 
also while i’m at it (didn’t know where else to put this rant sorry it’s a little off-topic), thinking all jews/israelis are white is racist - there’s more historical context like the holocaust and years before it that i’m not even sure i can explain (find any post complaining abt mother gothel’s design in tangled it’ll surely do a better job than me), but there’s a more obvious thing: a lot of jews are just. not european. honestly when it comes to ancestory, i’d argue no jew actually is (bc we’re originally from israel, aka the middle east) but obviously after so many years of assimilation it’s not exactly how it works and like everything regarding humans, it’s not black or white. still, most people in israel especially are a mix of multiple ethnic origins from across the world and it’s just unfair to brush it off to, again, apply western logic to a country that’s fundamentally different to justify your hate as being “woke”.
just. everything about this is very nuanced and complicated, because that’s how humans are. blind hate will get you nowhere. educate yourself if you can (i’d say start with the basics, read about the holocaust first, why and how it started and what led up to it). apply critical thinking before spreading infromation you’re not educated about and consider who posted and why they did it. talk to more jewish people, israeli or not. and stop putting antisemitic bullshit on my dash please i am begging you this shit is shortening my lifespan- 
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lover-of-the-starkindler · 3 years ago
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The Year So Far Book Ask
Tagged by @lady-merian - Thank you, I will happily ramble for a few sentences about what I’ve been reading!
1. Best book you have read in 2021 so far? I've been appreciating Karen and With Love From Karen by Marie Killiilea (I saw them recommended on here, but can't remember the context; if it was you, thank you!!!) Marie writes in the late 40s and early 50s, telling the story of her family with love and humour, and acknowledges the daily wear and tear of caregiving with its triumphs and setbacks and she and her family set an example of faith and grace, of falling and trying again
2. Best sequel you have read in 2021 so far? Floodpath by Emily B. Martin and/or Fugitive Telemetry by Martha Wells
3. A new release you want to check out? The newest book on my "I should take a second look at this" list is Hollywood Is Not Home by Annmarie M. Roberts, and I’m hoping it’s a decent execution of the premise whenever I get around to it
4. Most anticipated book release of the second half of the year? Bluebeard and the Outlaw by Tara Grayce (did I post the cover? I don’t think I’ve done that yet...)
5. Biggest disappointment? A Rumoured Fortune by Joanna Davidson Politano because... (RANTS for an entire paragraph, mostly about mismatched imagery, anachronisms, and trite religion. The potential is there, the execution drives me up the wall and not quite in the way where I sit down to do it right. :/)
6. Biggest surprise? Piranesi by Susannah Clarke; I was expecting it to be good, I wasn't expecting it to be so atmospheric and to linger
7. Favourite new author (either new to you or debut)? By the numbers, it’s Tara Grayce. I pre-ordered her last two books, which is saying that yes, I would like to be able to get up and read the novel right away 
8. Favourite new fictional crush? Probably Wally from the Billabong series by Mary Grant Bruce; he's competent and handy with the quips
9. Newest favorite character? I believe Murderbot is the newest addition to the ranks of 'actual favorite character'; others are just, yeah, enjoyed their book...
10. A book that made you cry? I teared up at the ending to Floodpath, like, I waited two whole books for that scene and... yeah.
11. A book that made you happy? The Setons by O. Douglas; this one is a novelized version of the author's family but again is just unabashedly pro-family and reminds you that kindness and grace are not dull and boring
12. Most beautiful book you have bought or received this year?
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May I present The Elements of Bridge Engineering vol. II? The frontspiece says 1897; the interior design is elegant in its simplicity, it feels good in the hand, and look at those marbled endpapers... *heart eyes* When I picked it up, I was asked, “Are you actually going to read that?” and I said, “I intend to at least skim it, but even if I don’t ever get around to it, it will look impressive on the shelf.”
13. What book do you need to read by the end of the year? I have yet to start Day of Darkness by Suzannah Rowntree. I have it all queued up on my Kindle and it's on my 10 books for 2021 list, so I have no excuse, and yet here we are...
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