#this is my new job now
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going through my old journals as part of therapy homework and i'm reading a section written in the emotional wreckage of a full-on breakdown when i get hit with this line:
There is never a satisfying answer to ‘Why didn’t they love me?’
like wow babe. good fucking point
#like you were on the ground biting the carpet and dry sobbing while you wrote that and still. good fucking point#not a shitpost#cptsd#and it's true. there's never a satisfying answer#the truth is i know why i wasn't loved#i analyzed my parent's traumas and abuse to death. i understand why i alienated and was alienated from my siblings#i know why my mom was too overwhelmed to be capable of nurturing#i know why my dad vanished into addiction and avoidance#the details of our cycles of trauma and cptsd and family history i have a phd in all of it#i understood perfectly. i spent years studying and now i knew the answer#and guess what? IT WAS NOT SATISFYING!!!#because they still didn't love me! and i still couldn't change that!#it was still a completely unsatisfying state of affairs!#so like. when the people who are supposed to love you...don't.#when the people who are supposed to take care of you...fail to#you can look for answers and reasons and explanations#but that's not actually going to FIX your situation.#and it's probably not within your ability TO fix the situation. (and definitely not your job)#because you don't need answers--you need a new situation#*inserts Just Walk Out. You Can Leave!!! (Running Skeleton) Meme*#and yes. walking out isn't always possible.#but for you i hope it will be one day soon. and i hope you build the courage to take that leap.#stepping away from the people who failed to love you...it feels like being untethered but also like being lighter than air#new and scary. immensely relieving. the future opens up. empty but empty like a canvas. blindingly bright until your eyes adjust#like climbing out of a pit you called home and for the first time realizing how bright the light of day can truly be#when you aren't just getting glimpses from the bottom of a hole
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brighter days ahead
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#jjk art#jujutsu kaisen fanart#yuji itadori#megumi fushiguro#jjk spoilers#jjk leaks#nobara kugisaki#jjk manga spoilers#jjk 268#im sobbing about them its 1am and my hand hurts#but ive got more in me i havent been this happy n hopeful in so LONG#HES BACK#THEYRE ALL BACK#we might b okay guys it might all b ok .... :'>>>>>#im ignoring the minor salt abt all of yuuji's scars being Gone#like im happy he has both eyes n all that#but what can i say id gotten a bit attached to the new look :<<<#n my yuuji injury list is out th window hgdfghjkgd everything ive drawn is now inACCURATE CRIES#i predicted megumi having a scar on th Other side....yuuji now has his depth perception back........sighs#shoko is too good at her job gdi#all of this is /lh btw the loss of scars is small price to pay !!!!!megumi is BACK and SMILING and they all r gna b ok i believe :')#home stretch we r in endgame they can make it this is OUR jujutsu kaisen first year believers
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What a terribly dull ending this is.
#a lil manga redraw I did quite some time ago#sebaciel#kuroshitsuji#black butler#ciel phantomhive#sebastian michaelis#my art#redraw#sorry for not posting for so long again life's been kinda crazy on me last couple months#for good and for worse ig#good news is I may be opening commissions soon💋#bad news I (got) dropped out of university🥀#can't say I hadn't seen it coming#just need to keep myself busy with something but can't find it in myself to look for an ACTUAL job outside of freelance for now...#too scary...
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good omens crack 2 of ∞
#good omens#gomens#aziraphale#goodomensedit#my gifs#good omens crack#good news I started a new job today yay#bad news I'm now too tired to do a set for ihaw23#so you get this dumb set I made a week ago instead#love you all#and yes I keep using larger and larger text sizes#I'm not gaslighting you I'm experimenting#and yes this set completely contradicts the first one I made#it's still funny#I'm going to shut up now and get some rest
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(This post was sponsored by a 1+ hour commute)
#I'm so frustrated how little time and energy i have after a day is done#i didn't win the fight against depression to have lofe ruined by THAT now#lacking time and energy to go on job hunt.. it's all very small steps only#a part time job would be marvellous but what flat can be paid with that#maybe also my anxiety is stopping me from getting a new job. what if i get fired. what if it's horrible there. ahh.. i need more courage#mine capitalism#anti-capitalism#work
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Hey hey hey may 31th anon! How's 2024 going? ☆ヾ(*´▽`)ノ This year I have for you a leaked Sherlock season 5 image. Thinking of you!! And everyone!!
#may 31th anon#Hello hello hello friends!! How are you!!#I miss you all I miss tumblr I miss drawing these silly men#work was soooo boring today I was really happy that I got to draw John in a baby carrier afterwards (*´︶`*)#what have you been up to??#my job is very boring most of the time unfortunatly!! I want to have a new job a little bit but I also never want to have a job interview#ever again and also I might get a lamp this year (!) I have heard that someone has already printed out the lamp form#are you excited for good omens season 3??#I am!! I have also been watching a lot of x-files#(*´▽`*) we also have moths in the kitchen#I do not know what they are eating we have been storing all of our food in the fridge since last week but new moths keep coming#yesterday one flew out of the forks and spoon drawer#it's her kitchen now#I also got a mole removed#now instead of the mole I have a scar the exact same size an color of the mole#I have also been working on a longer comic project!! I think it will be ready to be shared this summer and I really hope you will like it#it's about the old dragon bros characters and their life with the princesses (◍•ᴗ•◍)❤#I'm having a lot of fun drawing again!!#I hope you're having fun too#also I had to write an email today and I had to attach a pdf file but it was upside down#I could not fix it#I just hit send
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toot toot!
#breaking my streak of dramatic af captions bc look at this. look at it. wtf was i supposed to call it. he's tootin whaddya want from me#he go TOOT TOOT on his lil trumpet i fuckgjn LOVE HIM im maxing this card im serious#lvl 60 10/10 no expense is too much for my precious boy#i found a new brush that has this rly soft charcoal vibe and i used it on this whole thing and it was SEXY it was HEAVEN#it was fun for coloring too!!! and the outfit colors are fun to color OUGHH everything made just for me <3 feeling SILLY#twst#twisted wonderland#twst silver#his bunny outfit sweeps like im sorry but its the best card of the event and its not even fucking close#suntails#i did one 10-pull bc i wanted the paint bonus from epel's card even tho i HATE that card#and i instead got SUPER lucky and got deuce and NO epel!!! i couldnt be fucking happier#then my job interview today never called and i was miserable again but it was an internal issue and im now rescheduled for next week#so please dear god pls guys pray i get this job. i want it sooooo bad
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November 5th first Aid Kit
I'm recently unemployed, but I only can think It's November 4 and yet, I feel unprepared for tomorrow.
#Destiel#november 5#Deancas apocalypse#And also#Cockles#The best way to take off my Mind from being sad and disappointed of life#jenmish#They are my great consolation right now#Maybe tomorrow will be another day#But will never be dull#The news of US elections and my search for job and whatever people may do in this crazy hell hole#I whish it's for the best#castiel#dean winchester#And the season 17 of#Supernatural#... It's 2am and I don't know what I'm writing
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Reading 'Making Money' at the moment and I love how in this one Adora Belle is so CLEARLY the A-plot character. She's off commanding armies of golems and uncovering secrets from lost civilizations and marches back to town like "Hey Moist, come help me find a wizard to translate this ancient scroll" and he's just standing there giving Spencer from iCarly like "Ummmmm. Does it have to be like, right now...? Only, you see, my dog's just been made chairman of the bank—"
#Obviously Moist's thing is important too but the contrast between his job and hers is simply hilarious#like that one tweet 'My dad and I are both working from home right now. He's ordering new fuselage prototypes for Boeing--'#'--and I'm drawing a picture of a duck'#Except that in this case it's actually the latter person who keeps getting hunted down by corporate assassins#discworld#making money#moist von lipwig#adora belle dearheart#gnu terry pratchett
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I really wanted to try and make a stsg standee 🥺🥺✨
#jujutsu kaisen#gojo satoru#geto suguru#satosugu#gego#my art#jjk#I love them so so much its insane#the boys 🥺#Im a bit slower at art now since I now have a new job but im still dedicating most of my free time to drawing them aksjdnqshjd
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One Piece Live action season 1 + hints or similarities to future One Piece moments (specifically after East Blue saga) - part 1: episodes 1-3
This wasn't meant to be a comparison between the live action and the animanga, but more so seeing these added/modified scenes that differ from the manga, yet with some of the acting/writing includes clues and hints to different and future canon material, or even characterization that necessary doesn't fit East Blue yet, but fits well enough into later arcs.
Luffy not knowing his world directions both in Opla (ep 1) /// Skypiea arc, in anime ep 168. But it could be for honestly any other arc (Funny thing is, in Opla he rang the bell that unfortunately alerted Alvida's crew, and only when I was rewatching that scene it made me connect it with the great Luffy moment at the end of Skypiea.)
The matches that Zoro has on the Island of Sixis in Opla ep 1, possibly manufactured on Baldimore (?), with a name Beast of Baldimore. /// After Sabaody Archipelago Franky was sent to Baldimore by Kuma, finding Vegapunk's homeland and laboratory, and also developing more of his science projects, as well as causing funny incidents, such as the Burning Beast. (It has probably nothing to do with the matches, except for the 'tiger on fire' motif and the name of Baldimore, but the details of Opla are just so fun!)
Zoro's first meeting with Luffy in Opla episode 1 is really different but fun nonetheless, especially with wording of the line that he doesn't want to 'play pirates' with Luffy. It's such a great setup line for his development to truly be one of the very first to understand how much Luffy means everything he's doing /// Zoro in ep. 323 Post Enies Lobby arc, making sure both his crew and the audience know how seriously he takes being part of Luffy's crew and what it means for future arcs.
Opla ep 2, Luffy mentioning Shanks' way of thinking about fighting (or not fighting someone who's not worth it) /// ep. 146 Jaya arc, Luffy saying to Zoro not to fight Bellamy's crew, which was direct influence from Shanks not fighting the Mountain bandits in the first chapters of the manga. It's interesting that for both of these scenes both Zoro and Nami are there to hear this.
This is just a fun bit, but seeing Nami excited about having a bath was cute. Opla ep 3 /// anime ep. 326, just after they get Sunny and everyone was finding out what space there is for them.
Garp and Koby playing the game of Go, Opla ep 3 /// CP0 agents playing Go while discussing the outcome of Strawhats & Oden's crew's raid on Onigashima against Kaido. It seems like a game that maybe Marines play more/enjoy (?) & above, up to CP ranks.
Usopp 'retelling' a story about eating a dragon, Opla ep 3 /// Punk Hazard ep 580, Zoro killing the dragon and planning with Luffy what's the best way to cook and eat it. Lol. In next chapters Luffy was carrying a big chunk of it, seemingly ate a bit part of the dragon already.
This one is self explanatory. Zoro is so gone for Luffy in Opla it's insane. Every time I remember that I get emo. ep 3. /// One of the first really fond smiles that Zoro keeps smiling at Luffy, a mixture of proud and understanding how Luffy works. ep 63, but it's just so much better in the manga, just look at it. Smitten™ (ch. 104)
#i had a great idea to rewatch opla now that im caught up with one piece and this is what i came up with OTL im so tired#so at least posting part 1 and later will work on the rest#one piece#one piece live action#opgraphics#oplaedit#monkey d. luffy#roronoa zoro#nami#usopp#franky#zolu#luzo#romance dawn trio#onepieceedit#gif:opla#mine#gif:one piece#gif:op anime#its actually really interesting to go back to what brought me to the manga. like nothing can really show the way its portrayed in the manga#but opla is doing a great job in making somethign new out of what we know and love#with different light on certain things. different angles and scenes pushed a bit around. but in the end i feel it makes perfect sense#for the story it's trying to tell on its own. for who these characters are too. *cough. youre my captain and im your first mate*
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(more persona 5 / persona 5 royal spoilers again)
(this one has art by dotdotdotukno on twitter please view)
compilation of specifically my obsession with ryuji and goro being terrible... friends??
#this doesnt even include me and kj's ongoing war live on the tl where every time he does anything i point at him and go 'ryuji'#and he does the same back at me#like the paws typo battle#which i won#p5#p5r#rookposting#goro akechi#ryuji sakamoto#akeshu#this one's kind of topical because LAVA is coming to australia soon#and im like i should pay human dollars to ask at least robbie but maybe robbie and max to say something?#and im like. i could ask them to read one of my dumbest tweets. i could do that as an adult with a job#but then the new problem is all my tweets are so dumb i dont know which one is the dumbest.#anyway last one for now ill wait a bit before i post anymore#.too much purse owner
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Doing master studies the only way I know how: Stealing them and making them my guys.
(Barberini Faun)
(The Fallen Angel - Alexandre Cabanel)
(Covent Garden - William Bruce Ellis Rankin)
#obviously. not actually theft...#i was gonna say these are public domain but covent garden actually isnt yet#it will be. in two years.#thats the most different one though like i added a whole new guy..#maybe not the most different. barberini faun is pretty different i just took the post#pose#its barely even a study. thats not true#but. what was i saying.#oh its not theft it's study... the purpose is to learn!!! but also. if im gonna spend like 2 days on something...#its GONNA be my guys#otherwise. idk. i only want to spend 30 or so minutes per study#just to get the notes down and the practice for the skill im working on#i dont get all that much more out of completely rendering a master study. PERSONALLY.#at least definitely not enough to be worth taking 100x longer#but making them my characters makes it worth going all the way!!!#plus it's good practice w like. not just going 1:1 but actually genuinely interpreting whats there so i can manipulate it...#again. personally. this is just how i worm#WORK#youd better worm bitch#uhm... anyways yeah. ive done lots of study but why TF share it LMAO i dont even save it#its just to learn. ive got 1 million other drawings to save and look at later.#once the learning is done it's done its job and i have no need anymore#this is why the only studies i have are from school. i had to save and upload them#well. ok also i dont study as much now BUT in my defense im a full time artist#an hour or so a week is different ok im learning while working too.. i learned how to learn and i do it all the time now#master studies#digital art#my art#illustration#my ocs
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Zelda & Link 🫶
#the legend of zelda#loz#tears of the kingdom#totk#zelink#i drew something#been a minute since i had something to post erm oopsie!#i'm done with my postgrad now :) i'm starting a new job in just over a week tho so i'll be busy again soon#anyone heard of this niche little game called tears of the kingdom i thought it was pretty cool. check it out sometime#is it really possible for a burger king boy and a pret girl to be in a relationship#just kidding. link is a girl too of course#sorry for the british exclusive joke i don't know a more international equivalent of pret
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Hm. Could've sworn his name was different. Did it ever have one?
#cubbi art#fop timmy turner#fop timmy#timmy turner#my art#chimmy changa#chimmy#fairly oddparents#fop a new wish#fop#yes yes i know the saying is actually this is THE story of a man named stanley#BUT#for our itty bitties story?#he is not THE story. simply A story#i wanted certain parts to have a greater focus but i realized if i did so then the text wouldnt have been as legible#so i muted everything a bit haha#smacks changa#this bad boy has SO much wrong with him#hoooly shit#chimmy apologists better get their essays locked and loaded for this one#also also#i think i might maybe somehow got a job!!!#so itty bitties may slow down a notch alongside that#hoefully not since im pretty on top of it right now but still !!
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*tries to organize my thoughts*
*remembers i'm not in school and therefore beholden to neither heaven nor hell nor any man's grading system*
*joyously shredding & tossing all my carefully arranged 3x5 mental notecards into the air like so much beige confetti. raising my arms in victory, cheering raucously until i accidentally inhale bits of homemade confetti*
(*coughing up itty bits of paper like a cat evicting a hairball with a firm understanding of tenants' rights*) wait wat happens next
#i marie kondoed my thoughts and *i* feel great. but now my stream-of-consciousness has escaped containment#so many innocent bystanders at stake#every time i try to organize my thoughts i run out of plastic bins and have to make a trip to the container store where i get even more dis#racted so. you can't just hand me THIS brain and NO catalogue OR library classification system#and expect me to single-handedly sort through all this nonsense? bad form but fucking form not in my job description#aNYways. formal education sure did a FUCKING NUMBER on us huh#(a number i measure not in gpa or dollars of student debt.#but in the number of therapy sessions & medical debt it will take to recover.)#seriously folks. our education systems are...innately traumatizing for a huge number of students. and we NEED to address this.#the fact that it is culturally common for adults to have anxiety nightmares about school/exams...even decades later?#that is not cute. it is Alarming.#no one--much less entire generations--should be spending their developmental years in an environment of chronic stress & pressure & strain#and yet that is the reality for millions and millions of pre-teen and teenage and young adult students#this isn't healthy and it serves and empowers NO ONE#...except of course the many exploitative educational & financial & debt-collecting institutions thriving from the current balance of power#and of course it's a nefarious and powerful way to sabotage/erase the middle class#which billionaires and the wealth-inequality creators they finance couldn't possibly have any noteworthy interest in whatsoever#it's not like there's an elite group of people with huge financial incentives to drain/steal resources from the masses...#anyways sorry for going all Conspiracy Theory on you.#obviously the billionaires who control the vast majority of our resources and news and political campaign funding#are not tied to every single itty bitty social issue and i'm a silly billy to imply it#please tell elon musk to ignore this tweet i am so subservient and acquiescent#mr musky u r so good at inheriting slavery-built mining fortunes & buying other people's companies#& building rocket ships & fancy cars that do NOT explode/catch fire & also NOT running billion dollar companies into the ground#mr musky u r so talented genius billionaire playboy with 10 kids and ex-wives who find you creepy af babe u r basically iron man
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