#this is my fave character currently. im too excited to bring her to you.

[honkytonk-hangman]

Just Another Thing – [1]

Walt 'Finn' Finnegan x Reader/OC

Summary: God help anyone who might've thought a nice, stable relationship might bring some kind of change to Walt Finnegan's usual mischief and mild-hedonism. God especially help them if they also thought a girlfriend would provide any sort of calming influence over him.

She definitely influenced him, anyone could tell you that, unfortunately just never in any way that could even remotely be described as 'calm'.

Warnings: cussing, mentions of and talk of sex, sexy body parts, ect. reader/OC is named Kimberly/Kimber, but it is still written in second person and her name shouldn't come up very often.

Notes: oh boy oh boy oh boy you have no clue how excited i am for this fic. it's literally been in the works for over a year. i'd even go as far as to say it's my fave fic in recent memory!!! Im not sure yet how many parts, but the story does have a beginning and end.

It's not necessary to have watched the film before reading this fic, as this is set in the year after, around 1982, however certain character dynamics could be confusing. Also i definitely headcanon Finn and Beverly becoming good friends, hidden beneath a layer of exasperation of course but he is definitely the type to go to all the theatre stuff like come on look at him!!!!!

okay enough from me now heres the fic I really hope you enjoy!!!

You register the alarm on your friends’ face’s far too late to do anything, and the next thing you know you’re clutching the crown of your head, a dull throbbing ache now pulsing under your fingertips.

It wasn’t an entirely unfamiliar sensation, you’ve been hit in the head by a ball plenty of times, but the sheer weight behind this particular impact stood out to you. That, and you knew it couldn’t have been the volleyball you and your friend’s were playing with, because you currently held it.

“What the fu–” you begin angrily, already whipping around in the direction you’d been hit, cutting yourself off at the sight of an approaching man, a look of genuine remorse painted on his features as he jogs toward you. Behind him, a group of guys with baseball gloves watch on with various cringing expressions. Just as the man nears you, his eyes subtly travel up and down your figure, his lip quirking with approval, but he keeps his face apologetic. He comes to a stop several feet away, where the baseball had landed, but doesn’t take his eyes off of you, placing his hands on his hips and lifting his chin at you.

“Sorry ‘bout that,” he says, and it at least sounds sincere. “Roper’s never had much of an eye.”

You purse your lips, but try not to look too angry. He was cute, you realise dumbly, still rubbing your head. Dirty blond hair settled in light waves at the top of his collar, a matching blond moustache groomed neatly above his upper lip. He was tall, broad across the shoulders and chest in a way you’d only ever really seen on guys who worked out, athletes and the like. He also looked a little older than a lot of the students you’d see walking around campus, and he certainly didn’t approach you with the confidence of a freshman, so you figure he must be at least an upperclassmen.

“Well, maybe y'all should work on that with him,” you grumble lightly, and drop your hand.

“You okay?” he nods at your head, and you shift to lean on one foot, not missing the flicker of his eyes to watch as you do, or the way he lingers on your rapidly rising and falling chest before he meets your eye again.

“Isn’t the first time, certainly won’t be the last. Hair probably won’t sit right tonight, though,” you complain.

“Big date?” he asks, the teasing tone unmistakable. You lift your chin a little indignantly.

“I’m sure your day is just riding on my answer, but I don’t feel particularly inclined on telling you that,” you huff, heart rate doubling when he laughs, looking away from you for the first time as he grins widely.

“Well, how about this,” he starts once he’s sobered, bending down to swipe the baseball from the grass, taking a step toward you as he does. “The next time I see you, I promise you won’t get hit in the head,” he waves the ball as if you need reminding, but takes another step closer. “And you tell me what night works best to take you out?”

You fail to hide the amused smile that pulls at your lips, but then again, you weren’t really one for playing hard to get. You can see now that he’s only a few feet away, that his eyes are a startling green, and you think you wouldn’t mind running into him again, sans head injury.

“Alright,” you tell him, stepping back with a nod. “Next time.”

It takes all of your will power to turn away from him and move back towards your friends, though you feel his eyes on you for some distance, and make sure you swing your hips just a little more than you usually might.

Part of you regrets not making plans then and there, but the other part of you shivers at the already building tension of your potential next meeting.

Squinting at your reflection in the mirror, you flip your feathery waves once more over your shoulder, before almost immediately letting it fall back where it was. Just as you’d predicted, thanks to the decent-sized lump on the crown of your head, your Jerry Hall blowout was looking less supermodel and more super-odd.

Scrunching your nose as you mess with your tresses one last time, let out a huff, and force yourself to turn away, just in time for Nancy to appear at your open door, her curled fingers tapping gently on the wood.

“Hey Kimber,” she begins, pausing to give you a whistle as you exit your bathroom and do a twirl for her. Your collared halter-neck jumpsuit was supposed to be worn with a ruffle-neck blouse, but you’d never intended to style it that way, not to mention it was tight enough that you’re not totally sure you’d even be able to fit said blouse beneath it anyway.

“Something’s telling me Miss Texas ‘56 didn’t have this particular ensemble in mind when she ordered this for you outta her fancy lil’ Saks catalogue…” Nancy teases. You roll your eyes.

“Saks don’t do catalogues.” you correct her with a faux air of haughtiness, but don’t bother to contend her point. All of your housemates were more than familiar with your former Beauty Queen mother, despite never having met her. The monthly ‘care packages’ she sent you, filled with various ‘in season’ (see: frivolous) items of clothing and ‘essentials’ spoke volumes about who exactly Mrs Charlene Wynne was. That mostly just amounting to ‘eternally neurotic but well-meaning’. 

Nancy pokes her tongue out at you and scoffs out a laugh.

“Whatever, the point is; Mama doesn't always know best. You look foxy!”

You let out a laugh and smooth your hands over your thighs, thanking her softly.

You weren’t at all oblivious to the way you looked. Certainly you were no Raquel Welch, but most days you could manage something in the realm of Christie Brinkley or Cheryl Ladd, which was pretty damn good. You had your mother to thank for that, though your dad was no slouch either, but considering your mother couldn’t walk ten steps without someone recognising her from her Miss Texas win almost thirty years ago, you’ll give her most of the credit. As a result of your parent’s contributions, you’d become aware fairly quickly of the effect you tended to have on men, especially College men.

“Did you need me for something?” you prompt after a few more moments of Nancy preening over your outfit, remembering that she had come up here with a purpose some minutes ago now. Nancy blinks, before she makes a soft gasping sound, and straightens up.

“That’s right! Beverley arrived a little while ago, she was asking for you!” she informs you, waving her hand in the vague direction of the stairs and the party quickly coming to life on the first floor.

“I’m coming now!” you tell her, giving your hair one last flip before you move for your door, closing it behind you and quickly following Nancy as she all but skips. 

The ‘little’ get together had officially started a little while ago, but you’d had a study group that had run long, meaning you were now fashionably late to your own houseparty, if there were even such a thing.

Almost immediately once you crest the lower steps, you feel yourself shift into focus, totally in your element now, a cool, easy smile finding a place on your features. It isn’t difficult for you to move through the light throngs of people, despite your arrival not going unnoticed by those around you, but instead of excusing yourself meekly past distracted conversationalists, you’re liked enough that partygoers both consciously and subconsciously make way for you, plenty of familiar faces greeting you warmly in passing as you go.

You aren't surprised to find the kitchen milling with guests too, though the music is a little quieter here, so you figure it will remain more sparsely populated until later in the night, when everyone is comfortably tipsy.

“Kimberley!” A female voice calls out, perhaps a little too loudly, but you’d come to expect as much from anyone deeply involved in theatre.

“Beverly!” you match her energy, volume and all, knowing that she was likely already feeling a little out of place among the other guests, who were all mostly part of the College’s various sports teams and who you suspect weren’t even aware there even was a theatre program.

You can’t stop yourself from grinning ecstatically, overjoyed to see your friend for the first time since classes had commenced for the year. However, you feel more than you see the redhead that collides with you, her much shorter frame crashing into yours with a comforting force, and thanks to your non incosiderable height, as well as your many years playing volleyball, you hardly even budge from the impact, even in your chunky platform heels. You quickly hug Beverley in return, but far sooner than you’d like, she’s pulling back and launching into what sounds like a planned monologue.

“Okay! So, you know how ages ago I said I was going to set you up with one of Jake’s housemates from the baseball house?” Beverly starts, already waving her hands expressively, her expression bright and excited. You search your mind, but honestly, you aren’t sure if the conversation sounds familiar or not. You’d had a lot of people say similar things to you throughout your college career so far. Most of the time they were totally off-base matches, but you were always happy to experience new things, new people.

Beverley doesn’t wait for your reply though, clapping her hands and rubbing them together.

“Well, of course the team was invited tonight, meaning I can finally introduce you!” she exclaims, looking wildly over her shoulder, as though the person in question was supposed to be just behind her. When she sees an empty kitchen, she frowns and purses her lips. The glimmer of annoyance is wiped from her face by the time she’s looking back at you, and she huffs good-naturedly.

“I told him to wait for me…” she links your arms as she speaks, and you happily let her lead you to the kitchen door, where a light bubble of conversation floats through from outside. You have to let out a laugh at her sheer excitement, which appears genuine, though not in her usual manner. 

The usual manner meaning that every so often when the two of you found yourselves at the same club or bar, whenever she or her friend’s were being bothered, the pretty redhead would giddily inform you that she had someone she wanted you to meet, then standing back and watching gleefully as you casually sapped up the creep’s attention, only to bluntly shoot him down and send him off. 

You don’t get the feeling this is one of those times, but from what you knew of the baseball team, you very well may have to do some shooing on your own behalf tonight.

Outside on the tiny back-deck, a small group of people had gathered and right away your brain sparks with familiarity, though you have very little time to consider this before Beverley is releasing your arm and stepping forward. She smiles brightly as she sweeps between you and a man who turns around as if on cue.

“Finn, this is Kimberley Wynn! Kimberley, this is Finn! I am almost certain that the two of you will get along famously,” Beverely announces with a flourish and a wink. You and Finn both blink startled at one another for several moments, before mutual recognition quickly sets in. Your lips slowly pull into a wide grin, and you don’t bother hiding the fact that you’re now looking him over with no subtly, just as he’d done to you earlier in the park. 

“I’m not about to get clobbered again, am I?” you begin flirtily, glad that the man, Finn, recognises you as well, though unlike you, he seems to avoid taking the opportunity to check you out again, to his loss. Instead, he smiles big, almost showmanly, and takes up a slight lean on the railing behind him.

“If it’s any consolation, your hair looks great,” Finn replies cooly, and it’s almost as though you’d never parted ways at all. You flick your hair over your shoulder, seeing how his eyes follow the movement before they’re locked back on yours and you already know you’ve got this man hook, line and sinker.

“Luckily for you,” you sniff, though your smile undercuts any real resentment. Finn seems to grin a little wider then, more genuinely than the showman smile. You think the way his eyes crinkle in the corners is sweet, and that he should smile that way all the time.

“Wait, you two already know each other?!” Beverley cuts in, suddenly reminding you that she was in fact still standing there, watching and listening. “How?!” the redhead demands, not going so far as to stomp a foot, but she does cross her arms in a huff as she looks between the two of you in betrayed disbelief, though you note most of her ire seems directed at Finn.

The blonde swings his gaze back to the shorter woman, seemingly tickled by her apparent annoyance, yet his teasing expression is full to the brim with endeared fondness. You get the impression that this was the natural state of their friendship, and that Finn is about to say something inflammatory just to get a bigger rise, which might be a little funny, but you cut in before he can speak, relieving Beverly of her confusion.

“All Star over here threw a baseball at my head this afternoon,” you say pointedly, making sure he doesn’t mistake your happiness to see him for forgiveness. Finn holds his hands up then, and jerks a thumb in the direction of a man in the larger group of party goers on the porch.

“Roper threw a baseball at your head this afternoon,” he corrects you, as though that should absolve you of your attitude.

“Oh, that’s right! You just failed to catch it!” you tease, watching as he winces dramatically and grasps at his chest.

“You wound me sweetheart!” he exclaims ruefully, and despite the vaguely amicable antagonism, you can see now why he and Beverly are friends.

“Then we’re even.” You say. You already agree with the redhead’s earlier assessment; the two of you were going to get along famously.

Finn shrugs in a manner that reads more as relenting than indifference, and at least some of his overly performative act comes away. Beverley scoffs a laugh, rolling her eyes heavily as she reaches out to shove Finn in the arm. He sways, you think for her benefit, which makes you smile.

“Only you could throw a baseball that hits the one girl on campus who’d actually put up with you…” she snorts, seemingly assuming his chances with you were now dashed. Finn raises a finger in protest.

“As we just discussed, I only failed to catch the ball that hit the one girl on campus who may or may not be willing to put up with me. I’d like that to go on record.” He smiles at her simperingly. Beverley regards him with a withering look for several seconds, before choosing to ignore him entirely, turning to you.

“Have fun.” she says, sounding much more like her usual manner, though before you can tell her it’s alright, she’s already spun away, and when you find her again, she’s tucking herself under the arm of her boyfriend, Jake.

You shake your head, and look back at Finn, finding his gaze already locked on you. He pushes away from the railing then, and steps toward you.

“You know what this is?” he asks you, once more sounding like an actor reading lines, and gesturing between you. “Fate.” he says, lowering his voice somewhat like it was a secret just for the two of you.

You cock your head at his odd little act, though you aren’t entirely un-charmed by it. It was rather different to when you’d met this afternoon, despite his blatant flirting then, now it was as if you were speaking with a completely different person. A stage magician, perhaps.

“So, why don’t we go get a drink in your hand, and then you can tell me which day works for our upcoming date.” Finn gives a slight flourish, and while his whole demeanour is still clearly put on, there is an endearing element to his theatrics, a silliness that you might find more charming if it didn’t feel so much like he was performing for you.

He offers you his arm graciously, which you can imagine combined with his hyped up charm, would have plenty of women already giggling into their sleeves, which you don’t do, but you do place your other hand over his warm skin as well, and allow him to lead you back into the kitchen.

“So what’ll it be? Beer? Fruity punch? Fruity punch and beer?” he wiggles his eyebrows at you, and even though he’s still playing a role of some kind, it’s not hard for you to see through it.

“Fruity punch,” you say decisively. “Can’t stand the taste of beer.” You tell him honestly, watching as he goes about procuring you a glass of the punch you yourself had made, and appreciating the effort he puts in to make sure you have at least two cherries, though, you don’t think he means it to be suggestive, despite your own thoughts going straight to the gutter over the matter.

“So, what you’re saying is; I should switch to the punch if I want to test this theory about you being the one girl on campus who’ll put up with me later?” he asks in amusement, at last handing you your drink, his eyes sparkling. You accept the drink and give a noncommittal shrug as you take a small sip. 

“Oh, that’s not necessary, but I’ll certainly appreciate it later.” You really feel no need to go along with his act, not seeing any reason to play coy about your intentions, not in the way he seemed to feel was par for the course at least. You watch as Finn takes a moment to actually process your words, a brief mix of surprise and curiosity passing over his features, but it’s quickly covered up by a much more ‘cool’ looking mask.

You have to crack a smile at his sheer determination to convince you to have sex with him, the poor man somehow didn’t realise he was preaching to the choir.

“You really do look fantastic, by the way,” Finn says after a few moments of awkward quiet pass. You push aside your amusement, and grin happily at him, smoothing your hand over the material fondly.

“Thanks! I feel like one of ‘Charlie’s Angels’,” you gush a little, briefly feeling silly for bringing up the comparison, however, this time Finn’s smile makes the corners of his eyes crinkle in that way you liked, making his whole face seem softer and more natural, pouring with warmth.

“Trust me, Farrah’s got nothing on you right now,” he tells you sweetly, continuing to fondly watch you preen, not just at the compliment, but because you think this might be the first time all evening he isn’t speaking from some kind of script.

The moment passes quickly, though, and as you duck your head to accept his praise, you see his face momentarily scrunching up in a wince, like he was scolding himself for saying something so saccharine. You consider telling him that you found the sweetness endlessly more endearing than any of the other lines so far, but you hold your tongue. You had a small feeling that his pretence was really more about him, than about you, at least to a degree.

Finn is about halfway through earnestly telling you about his apparently ‘average’ sized cock when you at last run out of patience. The gimmick itself was entertaining enough, definitely an original approach to picking up women, and you’d even played along to start with, but you can’t help wondering why you’re standing around talking about his cock when you could be doing other things with it instead.

While he’s still talking, you reach into your pocket and dig around for a moment, before you find what you’re after. Finn trails off when you turn and lay the coin face-side up on his forearm. He blinks at it in confusion, for a few seconds, before looking questioningly up at you.

“Penny for your thoughts?” you ask before he can speak again, and force yourself not to pump your fist triumphantly when his confusion is quickly replaced with affection. Sure, you knew he wanted to have sex with you already, but now he thought you were cute, too.

“Alright,” he answers simply, fully angling his body toward yours, leaning in closer to you at the same time.

“So, this whole ‘average sized cock’ thing, does it actually work? I mean, has it worked when you’ve used it before?” you tip your head up at him, genuinely curious, but you don’t miss the way Finn’s features fall blank for a second after you speak, his smile fading, replaced with mild discomfort. He seems to shift back from you slightly, regarding you once more before he replies.

“I guess this is the time it doesn’t.” He all but mutters, his frown deepening as he looks away from you again, clearing his throat this time and straightening up, obviously embarrassed. He crosses his arms over his chest and looks back at you evenly.

“Could’ve stopped me earlier,” he says a little stiffly, though seemingly coming to terms with whatever direction he now thought this conversation was taking. You can’t help yourself then, his sulking making you laugh, fully and joyfully, but before he can sulk further, you lay your hand gently on his arm, over the penny, and give him a light squeeze. You shake your head as your laughter dies down, and fix him with a warm expression

“I never said it wasn’t working– in a manner of speaking,” You softly tell him, watching as he blinks down at you. You hurry to explain. “I mean don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t working, but only because it’s totally unbelievable.”

Finn at last relaxes somewhat, though his slight frown remains as he considers your complaint.

“What’s so unbelievable about it?” he demands, in a way that tells you this pick-up tactic was one he was proud of, though clear playfulness had returned to his voice.

Confident that you were now talking, actually talking to Finn as he was, and not as he thought would get him laid, you feel energised to engage with the subject matter more seriously. You scoff and roll your eyes at his indignation.

“Firstly,” you start, shifting to lean on your hip, bringing you closer once again. “No guy is ever going to accept, let alone admit that he has an average sized-cock, and he’s definitely not going to admit it to a woman he wants to fuck.” You say matter-of-factly, though you didn’t have anything more than your not-insubstantial intimate experiences with men to go off of as proof.

“Guys who really are average, don’t think that they are, and they probably never will because no woman is going to bring up the fact that his seven inch cock looks suspiciously closer to five.” you wave your hands a little, not realising before now that you really had any firm opinions on this subject.

You see the cogs in Finn’s brain turning as he regards your words with something that resembles amused but genuine interest. You figure he hadn’t expected you to really have a point, which to be fair, you hadn’t expected either. You do plan to let him respond, but you suddenly remember something else you’d been thinking about earlier, when he’d first brought up the concept.

“–And! In my experience, guys who do have big cocks, they don’t really say anything, or they mislead you entirely, so that they can get off on hearing you telling him how big he is.”

That earns a hearty laugh from Finn, who shrugs a shoulder in admittance at that point at the very least. He’d returned at last to watching you fondly, and you think once more that Beverley had been spot on in introducing the two of you. You’re pretty sure Finn is the only man who would so happily, or nonchalantly debate with you about the size of other men’s cocks, just as you’re sure that you’re the only woman on campus who has ever challenged him on it.

Finn hums in thought. “So, you believe men will only ever overcompensate or undercompensate?” he asks, but it's more of a statement. He watches you intently as he tips his chin, and you nod.

“Exactly.”

A moment passes between the two of you, before Finn leans forward, right into your space, wearing a pleased smirk.

“In that case honey,” he starts, voice sounding a little deeper now, huskier somehow. “What’s the verdict then?” he stares at you unwaveringly, challenging you. You frown.

“The verdict on what?” you ask, though at this point you couldn’t muster much genuine interest, not when all this verbal foreplay was slowing down the process of getting him in your bedroom for some actual foreplay.

Finn’s smirk grows then, seemingly glad you’d asked. You watch as his eyes dip briefly down to your chest, where his height and closeness grant him a very good view of your tits. He meets your gaze again before he speaks.

“Do you think I’m overcompensating, or undercompensating?”

You blink and stare at him as you process, not even bothering to hide your captivation, but it lasts for mere seconds before your lips are curling into a coy smile to match his own. You copy his move then, dropping your eyes to take in the front of his jeans, but you don’t look back up again as he had. Instead, you reach out and begin tracing his belt buckle. Finn inhales sharply, clearly taken off guard by your forwardness, which was clearly working for him.

You’re momentarily distracted from his belt as you catch sight of the rather sizable bulge forming at the front of his pants, giving you a pretty good idea of what the verdict should be. You lick your lips without really thinking, but take full advantage of the way Finn’s eyes follow the movement, tracing the path over your now wet mouth as he awaits your answer. You lean in, closing the miniscule distance between you at last, and give his belt a teasing little tug toward you.

“Y’know, I haven’t a clue,” you lie nonchalantly, your smile only growing when you use his belt to pull yourself in and press right up against his front. “But I’d love to find out.”

[ofkingsnqueens]

madelyn cline, bisexual, female + she/her ― hey look, it’s hazel grace! they’re 25 years old, they’ve lived in shrike heights for twenty five years, and they’re currently working at jennifer’s. i heard they’re pretty stubborn, but i think they’re so hard working at the same time. can they make it out alive?

born and raised in town. her family is one of the wealthiest around.

she had a pretty normal childhood, but oh was she spoiled. she was daddy’s girl. mom was there, but she was... not exactly attentive. she just liked going shopping with her husband’s money.

in school, hazel was the mean girl type. the popular one, who thought was better than anybody else. definitely kind of a bully, but an immature one who would make parties and choose who she invited. idk. stupid stuff, not the meanest but u kno, childish stuff.

it only got worse when she was fifteen, and she caught her mom in the act with another man. and ofc she did not keep the secret, told her dad, and they got a divorce. hazel didn’t think it would go that far, but it did, and she always felt guilty. specially because the connection to her mother got completely severed. she still lives in town but has no contact with hazel.

she went party girl mad. slept around a lot, got drunk a lot, etc. which drove her father mad, and they also started having lots of issues. when college time came around, hazel insisted on going to new york, go after her dreams of being a fashion designer, and even though her father was against it, he couldn’t do anything to stop her.

hazel left without telling anybody. it was only a couple weeks left when she ran out of money that she called her father, but as punishment, he told her he would only send her enough for food, but she would have to work hard to get the life she wanted. and hard she worked.

college, internships, and several jobs later, hazel was living the life she wanted until a phone call changed it all. his father was ill. only a few months left perhaps. so hazel thought of coming to visit, but ended up deciding to stay longer. and longer, and longer, and hasn’t left.

she got a job at jennifer’s and when she’s not working she spends her time with her dad. she doesn’t HATE it, but she still has one foot out of town, ready to get her life back, but she’s not in a rush. she would miss her dad too much.

Q U I C K  F A C T S

she’s been gone for the past five years, and has been back only for six months or so.

she’s soooo different than when she lived here. she’s learned hard work and is way more humble.

she’s charismatic as fuck. will find a joke or a dirty comment about everything.

still kind of immature, but not so mean anymore.

she still judges people though. just won’t say it unless ur a bestie.

yes, her name is the same as the girl in fault in our stars. i didn’t notice until way later after i named her but thanks to the gods of time, that book did not exist in the 80s, so she’s safe from any mentions. 

C O N N E C T I O N S

someone she used to bully in high school

ex best friend, who got apart after she moved to new york. she didn’t even tell them. 

ex boyfriend. her first love, she romanticized it a lot, thought they would be together forever, but something went wrong. 

a girl she had a crush on. it was mutual, and they were not out, nor had any idea of what they felt back in the day. they probably kissed like once and laughed it off but now it’s like “lol jk... unless....”

hook ups/one night stands/friends with benefits 

new friends, specially if you work at jennifer’s. 

drinking buddies. they met at julio’s bar, she got drunk and talked all about her family, cried it out and now they’re besties but they don’t hang out unless it’s over drinks. probs very unlikely friends. 

since we have some older characters, someone who’s friends with her dad, who’s probably in the top fortys. he’s an influential man, so people know him. and they’d be sad he’s basically on his deadbed. 

this is very specific, but... whoever her mother got with. they’re married or about to get married. we could work this out with a wanted connection too. 

[set-phasers-to-whump]

hiding injury

prompt: hiding injury

whumpee: eddie diaz

fandom: 911

hi here is my fave trope ft. one of my fave characters!!! this kinda got away from me in length lmao but i loved writing it and im not mad ab how it turned out. i hope you enjoy!!!!

Something had felt...off about tonight’s victory. It had been in the way his opponent had looked at him, not the usual disappointment and anger that typically came with losing a fight, but something stronger, more violent. Eddie’d brushed it off. He’d had worse looks thrown at him. 

He’s regretting having brushed it off right about now. If he hadn’t, if he’d just talked to the guy, calmed him down, something, he wouldn’t be here right now, hand pressed to a stab wound in his torso, leaning up against the door of his truck, feeling blood slowly seep through his fingers, warm and wet. 

For a split second, his non-occupied hand reaches for his phone, but he stops himself before he even unlocks it. He can’t call 911. If he calls 911, then the 118 will discover what it is he’s been doing...they’ll realize that he’s dangerous, reckless, stupid, for having gotten himself stabbed, and he doesn’t want them to think that. He can’t lose them, not now. So no 911. He’ll be fine. He used to be a medic. He knows how to treat a stab wound. 

He gets into his truck, left hand still firmly pressed to his torso. He fumbles around with the other until he finds a rag on the floor. Not bothering to think about where it might’ve been, Eddie balls it up and presses it as hard as he can into the wound, gritting his teeth to stop from screaming. 

He drives home as carefully as he can, for the most part keeping a hand pressing the rag to his torso, but occasionally having to let go. His lap and seat are coated in sticky blood by the time he gets home. 

For the first time in his life, he’s grateful that Chris isn’t there. There’s no hiding the blood coating his torso, legs, hands… He doesn’t know how he’d even begin to explain this to his son. 

Eddie gets himself inside and into the bathroom, making a pit stop in the kitchen to grab some alcohol first - this isn’t going to be pleasant.

He stands in front of the mirror, dripping blood onto a towel he’d pulled quickly down from the rack. A first aid kit sits open in front of him. He takes a larger-than-probably-necessary sip from the bottle in his hand, then sets it heavily down onto the counter and gets to work. 

First, he has to clean the wound. He grabs a bottle of saline solution, grits his teeth, and pours it onto his torso, hissing at the stinging feeling. 

He waits for the pain from that to subside before starting on the more painful part of the task - the stitches. He pours some hydrogen peroxide over his supplies to make sure they’re clean - this cannot get infected - and then he takes a deep breath and begins. 

In, out, in, out, in, out...it’s not a terribly long wound, which is good, because every stitch feels like getting stabbed again (which it technically is). He’s crying when he ties the thread off, and his hands are beginning to shake. He’s just glad they waited until he didn’t have a needle poking through his skin.

Eddie carefully sticks a gauze pad over the stitches, then gives himself a once-over in the mirror, hoping he’ll be able to say he looks pretty good for a guy that just stitched himself up. 

But he doesn’t. His face is slightly pale and his eyes are red and there’s blood smeared all over his body like paint on a canvas. He can’t go to sleep like this, although sleep is about the only thing he wants to do at the moment. He’s got to clean himself up.

There’s no way he’s getting in the shower with his freshly-done stitches, so he settles for ruining several washcloths, cleaning his body with water from the sink. He can’t get all of the blood, because he can’t quite bend over without his torso pulling in a way that suggests more stitches will be imminent if he keeps doing it. But most of the blood is removed from his body, anyway, which is good enough for him. He strips out of his bloody shorts and puts them, the washcloths, and the towel from under his feet into the trash. He’ll take it out as soon as he gets redressed, so Chris won’t find them. 

He puts on clean pajama pants, not bothering to run the risk of putting on a shirt, and grabs the trash, taking it outside to the can on the curb, pain thrumming through him with every step. That done, he returns to the bathroom and wipes his blood off of the counter, extremely grateful that none had dripped off of the towel and onto the floor. 

He runs a quick check of the house, making sure there’s no blood on any of the floors (there is, but he scuffs a towel over it with his foot, which is not bloodsoaked enough to warrant the trash, but is instead tossed into the washing machine). He locks the doors, triple-checking to make sure they’re secure, and does the same with the windows. He doesn’t particularly think the guy that stabbed him is going to come after again (and even if he wanted to, it’s not like he knows where Eddie lives), but it never hurts to be cautious. 

When all that is done, Eddie finally lets himself sink very carefully into his bed, placing a couple more towels under him in case his wound should start bleeding in his sleep. He prays it won’t. He doesn’t want to have to stitch his skin up again. 

--

He wakes up in the morning, immediately checking himself for blood, which, fortunately, hasn’t seeped out of the gauze. There's a few spots on the gauze itself, but he needs to change it anyway. 

It looks pretty good, Eddie thinks, eyeing the wound in front of the mirror. Not infected, stitches holding...about as good as he can expect. 

He gets dressed, very painfully, and nearly dislocates his arm trying to get his shirt on without causing any stress on his chest. He makes a halfhearted attempt to make himself look like he didn’t just climb out of bed and head straight to work, but that is what he looks like, he’s sure. 

Buck confirms this for him the second he walks through the station doors. “You look like shit, Eddie,” he says, bumping Eddie’s shoulder with his own. 

Eddie gives him a smile that feels more like a grimace. “Overslept,” he says. Buck nods. “Chris was at that sleepover with...oh, what was her name...Olivia? Bet you expected him to wake you up early for breakfast.”

Eddie nods, surprised that Buck remembers where Chris is. He’d ordinarily smile at the fact, but currently can't bring himself to.

They head up the stairs to the loft, Eddie dragging along behind Buck significantly. Every step pulls on his stitches, and he feels like he can literally feel them starting to pull apart. Which he very well could be feeling, he knows. He just hopes he isn’t. They can’t know about this. 

Of course, for them to not know about this, he has to act completely normal. Which is a task far easier said than done. As soon as he steps foot into the loft, Bobby’s tossing a container of oatmeal at him from the kitchen, with instructions to come over and help him out. Eddie catches the container with a barely concealed wince, and reluctantly goes into the kitchen to help Bobby, leaning up against the counter when he can. 

“You okay?” Bobby asks him, as the team settles down to eat breakfast. 

“Yeah,” Eddie says, though it doesn’t sound very convincing, even to his own ears. 

Bobby nods, not pushing the issue. Eddie sees Buck look like he’s about to say something, but Bobby interrupts him by telling everyone what they’ve got on their plates today - cleaning the station. There are general groans from around the table, but Eddie’s never been more excited at the thought of mopping. He’s pretty sure he can do that, but rescuing someone from a burning building might push him a bit too far. 

And if that’s the case, he shouldn’t be here. Not that he should be here anyway, he knows. Ideally, he should be at the hospital. But he can’t be there, and if he’d called in sick today they would have been concerned anyway, and worse, someone might have come over to check on him. So he’s here, gratefully grabbing a mop from the supply closet. 

He turns around, mop in hand, and comes face to face with Buck. 

“Look, I know we’re still...not on the most solid ground,” Buck starts, “but I am sorry, Eddie. I told you why I did what I did, and I understand if it’ll take you some time to process that, but…”

“It’s fine, Buck,” he says, as kindly as he can muster up the energy to do. “Really.” He means it, though he’s pretty sure his words lack the sincerity he feels.

Buck looks at him doubtingly, but after a second he seems to accept that answer, and then, before Eddie can stop him or back away or do anything, Buck’s hugging him tightly around the middle. 

It would be just about the nicest feeling in the world if it didn’t make him want to scream in pain. As it is, he manages to turn the scream into a low groan, muffled into the fabric of Buck’s shirt.

Buck, of course, hears it anyway. He pulls back, arms on Eddie’s shoulders, scrutinizing him. “What was that?”

“Nothing,” Eddie says, trying to sound dismissive. Before Buck can say anything else, he adds, “we really should get to mopping.”

Buck can’t argue with that, so they begin their chore, though Eddie doubts that Buck is going to drop this. 

Fifteen minutes of painful labor later, Eddie’s taking a break (hiding from the torture of the mop) in the locker room. Even the simple task had been absolute hell on his stab wound, and he can feel wetness beginning to seep through the gauze. He’s extremely grateful that his shirt is dark enough to hide the stain that is surely growing on it. 

Knuckles rap at the glass. Eddie starts and stands up, turning around and coming, again, face-to-face with Buck. Can we talk? he mouths, and Eddie can’t exactly say no, so he nods. 

Buck comes into the locker room looking somewhere between hurt and angry. “What’s up with you?” he asks. 

Eddie turns his face away from Buck’s eyes. “Nothing,” he says, and Buck laughs humorlessly. 

“Right, ‘cause that sounds so believable. Eds, you’ve been acting weird all day, you still look like shit even after Bobby’s breakfast, and I’ve caught you wincing at least five times in the past twenty minutes. What’s up?”

Eddie shakes his head. He can’t do this...he can’t let them know. Nobody can know about this side of him, this anger and this pain and this goddamn stab wound…

Which all of a sudden hurts a lot more. Eddie snaps open eyes he hadn’t realized he’d closed and sees Buck’s hand pressing into his torso, not yet touching the wound, but extremely close. 

“Stop,” he whispers, but Buck presses on. 

“Not until you tell me what’s wrong with you,” Buck insists, moving his hand and pressing down directly on top of Eddie’s injury.

He makes a noise like a strangled scream, and Buck pulls his hand away suddenly. “What the hell, Eddie?” he asks, and then he looks at his own hands, which are covered in Eddie’s blood. 

“What...the hell?”

Eddie shakes his head. Buck pushes him down onto a bench, and Eddie goes willingly. Buck pulls his shirt off over his head, jostling his arms, and Eddie doesn’t make a sound. His eyes have gone unfocused and his vision has gone blurry from tears he’s unwilling to let fall, but he can still make out the shape of Buck in front of him, knows what his face looks like without having to see it. Disappointed. Angry. Disgusted. He knows this must be how Buck feels. It’s how he feels.

A hand touches his face, cool and soft, and Buck’s voice sounds much the same when he says Eddie’s name. 

Buck moves his hand back to Eddie’s torso, this time gently touching the skin around the wound, pulling back the gauze carefully. Eddie can’t stop himself from whimpering, which he immediately hates himself for, but Buck doesn’t seem to feel the same way when he apologizes and puts a soothing hand in Eddie’s hair. 

“Eddie. Eddie, can you look at me? Please?”

Eddie focuses his eyes as best as he can and looks at Buck, who is crouched on the floor in front of him. “Eddie, what happened?”

He can’t hide it now...Buck knows, and they’re all going to know, know how weak and angry and in pain he is, and then they are going to hate him for it. 

“Hey, hey, Eddie. It’s okay. I’m not going to be mad at you or anything. I promise. Just please tell me what happened so I know how to help you.”

Buck’s hand is back on his face, brushing away tears that he hadn’t ever wanted Buck to see. He takes in a ragged breath. 

“Got stabbed.”

“Okay,” Buck says. “Okay.”

“I’m sorry,” he says in return. It’s the only thing he can think of to say, and it’s not enough, it’s never enough, he’s never enough…

“You don’t need to be sorry, Eds. I’ve got you. We’ve got you.”

Buck shouts for Hen and Chim, and Eddie hears him explaining to them what’s happened. He tries not to pay attention, tries to ignore their voices. He can’t hear them. Can’t hear what they must think of him.

“Eddie?” 

It’s Chim. He nods in response. 

“We’re gonna take you to the hospital, alright?”

He nods again. He can’t fight them, he knows. He desperately hopes they won’t be too mad at him. “I’m sorry,” he says again. 

“For what?”

It’s Hen this time, and he feels her hand on the back of his neck. He doesn’t reply, and this seems to be fine, because nobody asks him anything else, except for Buck, who asks if he’s ready and doesn’t give him time to answer before they’re all helping him up and onto a gurney, then pushing him into an ambulance. 

Hen’s driving, and Buck and Chim are sitting in the back with him. Chim’s busy being a paramedic, though since Eddie’s already cleaned and stitched the wound there’s not a lot for him to do. He slips a pulse monitor onto Eddie’s finger and asks him how he’s feeling. 

“Fine,” Eddie says, which is the wrong answer, obviously. Chim sighs and asks if he’s sure that he really feels fine, you know, with a stab wound to his torso and all. 

“Fine. It hurts,” Eddie mutters, and Chim says a smug thank you that almost makes Eddie smile. 

Buck grabs his hand from where he’s sitting next to Eddie, holding on tighter than can possibly be necessary, like he’s worried Eddie’s going to just fall away. Eddie wishes he had that kind of power. 

“Will you tell us what happened?” Buck asks. Eddie shakes his head slightly. He can’t talk about it. Or, he can, but he doesn’t want to. Except some part of him does. He doesn’t say anything as he tries to figure that one out. 

“Eddie, listen. I know you’re hurting right now. Because of Shannon, because of Chris, because of me...I know I haven’t been the best friend lately, but I have never stopped caring about you. Whatever happened, you can tell me. I promise I won’t judge you or be mad at you.”

“Same,” Chim adds, putting a hand on Eddie’s shoulder. 

They won’t be mad, Eddie tries to tell himself. They won’t be mad. They won’t be mad. 

“I was street fighting and it went bad,” he says, the words coming out of him in a rush. 

“Okay,” Chim says, with professionalism. Buck, on the other hand, says nothing. He’s looking at Eddie with this unreadable expression on his face and he’s not saying anything, and Eddie thinks that this is it. This is something that can’t be looked past. This is the moment that Buck leaves him, for good. 

“Okay,” Buck agrees, and his grip on Eddie’s hand tightens even more. “Thank you for telling us.”

They arrive at the hospital not ten seconds later, and then Buck, Chim, and Hen are walking beside him on the path to the doors, and when they reach the doors, rather than surrendering him to the doctors and turning around, they follow him in.

A few minutes later the four of them are crammed into a room that’s a little too small for all of them. Eddie’s lying on a table and the others are standing around him, giving the nurse a wide berth but anxiously looking over her shoulders. She’d told them there was no need for surgery and that he hadn’t lost enough blood to be in serious danger. She’d give him an anaesthetic, clean and stitch the wound, and then he’d be kept for observation for a couple hours. She had also pulled the other three away and talked to them about something Eddie hadn’t been able to hear. Him, most likely. 

Buck, Chim, and Hen then clear out for the nurse, who smiles kindly at Eddie and asks whether he’s alright with receiving the local anaesthetic. He’d like to say no, that he’s fine, he’ll tough it out, but he is unfortunately now familiar with the feeling of stitches pulling through his skin, and he accepts the anaesthetic readily.

A few minutes later, he’s been stitched up far better than his at-home job, and he’s lying in a hospital bed trying to argue with the nurse about going home. 

“It really is best if you stay, just until this evening, Mr. Diaz,” she’s saying, and he knows full well she’s right, but he hates it anyway. But Buck and Chim and Hen are standing behind her, eyeing him with looks that leave little point in arguing further. 

He resigns himself to staying in the hospital for a little while. Buck, Chim, and Hen head back to the station and promise to come back as soon as they can. Eddie calls his abuela and asks whether she can pick up Chris from his sleepover. He tells her he’s been hurt on the job, nothing major, and he’ll be home that night. She says she’ll bring Chris by in an hour, and tells him he’d better not think he’s getting away with his shoddy explanation. 

He tries to keep himself occupied as he waits for people to arrive, but time in the hospital passes extraordinarily slowly, and he finds himself bored out of his mind and kind of sleepy. He closes his eyes experimentally and finds it easy to drift off. 

--

He wakes up to voices. Chris and Buck, he realizes, talking very excitedly about a new school project involving plants. Eddie smiles and opens his eyes. 

“Dad!” Chris shouts excitedly, standing up so quickly he about topples over in his haste to give Eddie a hug. Buck catches him before he can fall and reminds him to be gentle, and then Chris is hugging him around the neck and saying he’s so glad he’s okay, and did he hear them talking about the new project? And does he think Buck can come over and help him work on it after school on Monday?

Eddie answers Chris’ questions as well as he can, and Chris seems satisfied with the answers, sinking back into his chair and grinning. Buck gives his hair a tousle and looks at Eddie. “You okay?”

Eddie nods. Now that they’re here, truly, the answer is yes. “I’m sorry,” he says, and he looks Buck straight on, hoping he’ll feel Eddie’s sincerity. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell anyone. I thought it would be fine. I just...I didn’t want you to know.”

“Know what?”

Eddie looks at Chris, who is looking between the two of them somewhat confusedly. He shakes his head. Chris doesn’t need to hear this. 

At just that moment, there’s a knock on the door, and Eddie looks up to see Athena, with Harry and May in tow. “Bobby’ll be here as soon as he can,” she says to him. “And then you and I are going to talk.”

He nods. He’d figured this was coming. He’s just glad she hadn’t said they were going to talk right now. 

“Hey Chris?” Buck asks, and Chris turns to him, grinning. 

“Dad’s really okay?” Chris asks, before Buck can finish his sentence. 

Buck nods. “He’s going to be just fine, I promise,” he says, holding up his hand like he’s swearing it. Chris giggles. 

“Okay, Buck. Then...can I go play with Harry?”

Chris looks imploringly at Buck, then at Eddie, and Eddie catches Harry giving the same look to Athena. All three adults nod, and the two boys head out into the hallway, Athena and May following behind them. May closes the door behind her and smiles at the two of them, almost encouragingly? Which Eddie thinks is a bit odd. He’s broken away from the question by Buck slipping right back into their prior conversation.

“You didn’t want me to know what?” 

Eddie takes a breath in, then turns his gaze to his hands, intertwined atop the blanket. He doesn’t think he can look at Buck while he says this. 

“I didn’t want you to know how much it hurt. How angry I am. I didn’t want to tell you because then you would realize that I’m not enough, that I am angry and hurting all the time, and I’m not worth the trouble. I didn’t want you to know that about me. I didn’t...I didn’t want you to leave me.”

Buck doesn’t say anything. Eddie risks a glance up at him and sees that there are tears in Buck’s eyes. He hates himself for putting them there.

“Oh, Eddie,” Buck says, and his voice is as soft as anything. He grabs Eddie’s hand, rubbing his thumb in circles on the back of it. “Eddie, there is not a thing you could say to me that would make me leave you. That would make me stop loving you. I’m gonna be right here, no matter what. I’ll be here when you’re hurting, angry, upset...I love all of you, Eddie, not just the parts of you that you show to the world. All of you.”

He’s briefly interrupted by a whoop of joy from the hallway, a mix of Harry and Chris. Eddie looks back up at Buck, who’s smiling despite the tears on his face. 

“And all of Chris. I’m not going to leave either of you, Eds. Even if I get mad at you sometimes. Even if I am mad at you for not telling me that you were hurting.”

Eddie’s crying too, now, and he feels Buck’s hand gently grab his chin, lifting his head so they lock eyes. 

“You are more than enough, Eddie. For Chris, for the 118, for me...we all love you. We’re all right here. You don’t need to keep going through all of this alone.”

Eddie nods, feels a sob escape him, and then Buck’s holding him, incredibly gently but still grounding, running fingers through his hair and telling him, over and over, that he is enough. That he is loved. This just makes Eddie cry more, until finally he pushes Buck away, for once wanting to meet his eyes.

“I love you,” he says, and even after everything Buck’s said to him, he panics for a moment and wonders whether this is too much, and then Buck is moving towards him, slowly, looking at him like he wants confirmation that this is what Eddie wants, and of course this is what he wants, of course it is, and it must show in the look that he gives Buck in return, because the distance between them rapidly closes, and then he is kissing Evan Buckley, and Evan Buckley is kissing him. 

“Eww!” 

The two of them break apart in surprise, and Buck laughs softly, resting their foreheads together. The door to the room opens, and Chris, Harry, Athena, and May walk in. 

“Kissing’s gross,” Harry says, and Chris nods. May whacks her little brother on the head. “What?” Harry protests. “It is.”

Eddie looks at Chris, for a second terrified that his son is going to hate him for this, but then Chris gives the most exasperated sigh that Eddie has ever heard come from a child, and he says, “I guess kissing’s okay.” Harry looks at him with betrayal on his face. “It’s still gross, mostly” he reassures, “but it’s not the worst. ‘Specially since we’re at the hospital. You’re supposed to kiss people better.”

Eddie smiles at his son, and he catches Buck doing the same, looking so incredibly happy and bright that it’s damn near painful to look him straight on.

“Yes!” May says suddenly, and she meets the questioning gazes of everyone in the room, looking up from her phone, where she’d been furiously texting. “Hen and Bobby and Dad owe me $20. I owe Chimney $20, too, though.”

Athena gives her daughter a look. “You bet on this?” she asks. 

Eddie feels himself blush, and sees Buck’s cheeks darken, too. Had this been that obvious?

“Mom,” May starts, but Athena interrupts her. “And you lost to Chimney?”

May nods. 

“And so did Bobby.”

Another nod.

“So we collectively owe Chimney $60. I can’t believe it. I swore I’d beat him. Ooh, he is gonna gloat.”

“Athena!” Buck yelps, mock hurt. “You bet on this?”

“It was a matter of time, Buckaroo.”

Buck smiles at her, and then turns his face back to Eddie. “A matter of time, huh?���

Eddie nods. “Apparently so.”

aghhhh thanks so much for reading this!!! i had literally the best time writing it and i hope you enjoyed!!!

[kim-lexie]

january rewind.

music.

‘dreams come true’ by NCT127. my goodness this song what a blessing and gift from our boys. 

‘lay back’ by verivery. my goodness this slaps. i stan.

sf9 comeback. OUR BOYS S E R V E D. this was stellar, the concept superior. the visuals, the vocals, the choreography. like yes yes and yes. the whole album was incredible. my fave tracks ‘like the hands held tight’ and “shh”.

‘lion’ by (g)-idle. im not into girl groups, so I've actually never looked into this group but dang lion is a bop and i love this track, and it makes me feel like boss.

‘any song’ by zico. this challenge is precious and has been stuck on repeat. 

dramas and movies. *spoiler alert*

parasite. i saw this a while ago and dang am i excited to say i was ahead of the hype. i must be honest i was intrigued because (1) a foreign language film was going to be at my local cinema (LIKE WOAH) and (2) CHOI WOO SHIK. so i just had to get my friends to go see it. i went in blind. i had no idea what the premise was what was gonna go down. NO IDEA. and it was unexpected intriguing and beautifully filmed. i left the film wondering and pondering the concept. you best believe i watched all the videos about the nuggets that i definitely missed in the first viewing. it is a film that makes you question and engage in discussion with those around you. i enjoyed it.

seriously incredible looking at the oscars and seeing that they won BEST PICTURE. a foreign language never winning in that category is wild. honestly never watch these shows because its always the same people and white washed. but dang i hope this opens peoples eyes to see that whole new worlds are waiting to be discovered if only they would allow themselves to be open to seeing them. 

would recommend to everyone to jump into the discussion and enjoy the film because it really makes you think...

bring it on ghost. this was a good one. i saw that it was added to netflix and gave it a watch. i enjoyed all the characters and i am so glad that she wasn’t actually a ghost but a spirit that was able to wake back up and have a happy ending. i love the main leads character as he is trying to raise enough money to get rid of the “gift” that was bestowed upon him from the demon spirit. but this terrifying gift to see ghosts brings him to his now, love (cue awwwww). overall it was slightly terrifying but i appreciate the comedic relief that the two guys had from the university. i would give it a 7.5 out of 10. 

chocolate.  this one really got me. the flashbacks and character development. however, it had its slow moments that really made me pause and question will i even have a happy ending should i finish this. but seriously thankful i did. there were so many precious moments between the characters, and the friendship that were short but remained with the main characters from the hospice. it was interesting to see how each episode developed and showed us new friends that were only to be with us a short while but impacted the lives of our main leads dramatically. but because of you i could come this far. one of my fave quotes:

‘i came to get you. i wanted you to get more rest. but i missed you way too much.’ 

‘i wanted to rest with you too.’ 

‘as long as well hold on to hope nothing will break us down.’ 

i also greatly appreciate how it all became about food in the end. like seriously all the sadness and grief and they made it about the one love for food. i would rate this an 8 out of 10.

when the camilla blooms. dang i held out to watch this because everyone was talking about it and me and my know it all attitude was like it can't be that great. BUT DANG! the reason everyone was talking about it was because it is SOOO FREAKING GOOD. honestly, it reminds me so much of strong woman do bong soo. bc there are cute romantic scenes and great comedic elements and characters, but dang these scary dudes are scary...

first off, yong-sik this man is too precious and there were so many incidents that reiterated how precious/tenderhearted his character is. for example, when he was like “shouldn't we talk about last night, because i couldn't sleep a wink last night” when referring to them holding hands. him getting super jealous, and was like “dongbaek, you must hold my hand hurry!”. it was hilarious when we all thought he finally got up the courage to ask her over to his place, and her to accept for it to be a request to wash his hair because he can't with his burns. *dead*

i love pil-gu. and i love how everyone loves pil-gu because he is a great kid. he’s funny, i.e. saying to jong-ryeol (his biological dad) you’re not that great, then being semi bribed by the latest gam. his sass is ICONIC, ‘i don’t spin tops with my ears’, when referring to jong-ryeol telling him to stop playing to listen to him. i love that song-sik shows up to the baseball game and becomes “a man with a drone” to protect pil-gu. i hate how he was like i need to leave my mom for her to be happy and he bottled it up inside, this poor little nugget. he soon realizes and gives it all back bc he wants to stay with his mom. and nothing can bribe him away from the most precious thing to him. 

dong-baek is such a freaking strong character! she was bomb, the character development was insane. i feel like this quote from the end really captures it:

“aren’t you just sick and tired of being intimidated all the time? people keep acting up because i’m nice to them. i’m a person who’s capable of breaking someones with my fist. and i’m a fighter who’s able to protect my own kid…i decided to become the strongest mother in the world from now on.”

she went from being chill and letting people walk all over her to becoming a boss! i also love that yong-sik allowed her to be a boss and protected her to be able to breathe easy. 

“consider your life as a never ending festival. and i’ll make sure you can live as immaturely as possible.” -yong sik 

because she had to grow up so fast. like he is seriously the best. waking her up and allowing her to believe in herself again. and their moment of her finally saying “i love you.” and him like, “i knew it.” 

jeong-suk, her mother. this was such a sad storyline. the woman who abandoned her at the orphanage, came back after she found out her time was limited. her mother was always looking out. being there during the accident saving her. saving insurance policy. watching after pil-gu at day are. she did her best to compensate for abandoning her. freaking lost it when both her mothers, (biological and deok-sun, yong-sik’s mother) freaking knew each other prior to the current time. from when dong-baek was a little nugget and when deok-sun was pregnant with yong-sik. like what a full circle!

the whole killer aspect really threw me because everything was going good and then you'd have those cuts to the present day with bodies being found, and i did not appreciate thinking it was our main lead for the longest time. me preparing my heart to break from episode one. and then she goes and does things like going into semi-abandoned building to meet with someone who’s says they have your scooter that your missing coworker left somewhere. like this chick is gonna die. thankfully she didn’t and we got the happy ending we all wanted!

i seriously appreciated that they included the scene with pil-gu as a major league baseball player, and our happy OTP watching him on tv like thank you drama writers. i would seriously rate this a 10 out of 10.

[endofacenturyy]

long twin peaks: the return post because i'm emotional (mild spoilers ahead)

I FINALLY FINISHED TWIN PEAKS AND IM STUNNED..... SPEECHLESS..... CONFUSED.... ????!;&;&&;

im going to dump my thoughts here because i feel like i'm capable of writing a well thought out review about the entirety of the return when i just finished it like 30 minutes ago. i've read some theories and watched some videos and i still feel like david lynch personally strangled me tonight and told me to shut up and i complied.

ok tbh i felt a little bit detached with twin peaks this season because i really truly wholeheartedly fell in love with twin peaks in its first 2.5 seasons (i dont count s2 as an entire season lmfao bc that shit was whack as fuck i feel so bad). fire walk with me is genuinely one of the scariest and most emotional films i've seen and is currently one of my favorite movies of all time. it made me grow a relationship with laura i fell in love with her so much that every time i see her tears well up in my eyes. and this season had SO MUCH "detached" story arcs and focused so much on the bizarre supernatural elements of tp i felt like it was losing sight of why we were all here in the first place: laura palmer. though the return, to me, in terms of style and bizarre surrealism really made me feel like this was david lynch finally taking control of this immense being of a show. however, i felt like a lot of the "heart" was lost idk.....??? mind you this season gave me some of my absolutely FAVORITE scenes ever ever ever (i.e i loved sarah palmer's scenes, episode 8, the michum brothers and dougie!!! ed & nadine's talk, bobby briggs crying to laura etc.) LIKE THERE WERE GOLDEN SOLID SCENES but i think i really just miss the familiarity and humanistic aspect of twin peaks where the idea of evil and good both co exist and are both because of human beings. the supernatural elements kind of drowned that aspect for me. it overshadowed the down to earth human elements because we were too busy wondering WHAT THE FUCK DOES THIS SHIT MEAN??? but then FUCKINGN EPISODE 17 & 18 (even episode 16 was one of my faves because holy shit the smile on my face was embarrassing i was literally squealing from excitement just seeing my baby boy agent cooper :(( ) ANYWAYS BACK TO 17 & 18... we get the vague-happy-ending conclusion in episode 17 with everything almost fallin into place, all the characters coming together, evil is defeated, julee cruise performs and then BAM episode 18 suddenly pulls the rug once again and slaps me in the fucking face! we get the most haunting ending i have ever seen in the history of television. we end the way we began: with laura in the face of evil. i've read a few reviews/theories about how it can be interpreted and i think im 100% on board with the idea that dale cooper, the all-american ideal representation of justice and good tried too hard to save everybody (i.e just like manufactured dougie jones for janey-e) that he never really thought of how it would translate to somebody who is a victim of trauma. he thought that bringing "laura" back to the palmer house was completing the mission but it just brought her back to a home she never belonged to. so, in a very cynical way of thinking, the evil doesn't HAVE TO lose. i think we just need to confront it not defeat it.

[in-madhouses]

i dont mean to bother you but can you link me to the epilogue of your fic ‘they’ll hang us in the louvre” i absolutely have adored reading and im happy i stumbled across your blogs and fics and i cant wait to read more!

HELLO! NO BOTHER AT ALL. Life has just gotten in the way a little and I’ve been absolutely trash about updating. But here’s the epilogue for louvre for those who are actually still out there reading things I post  😭😭😭

.

“So what can you tell us about the Marauders film coming out in a couple of weeks?” The excited host asks with a little glint in his eye, as though he’s asking something he already knows the answer to.

“I.. I can tell you what I don’t know, which is everything,” Aahna deflects instead with a bit of a blush staining her cheeks.

Niall forces to keep a straight face at the sight of her on the screen, slightly squirmish but totally acing it.

Despite being high key in the interview spotlight (on and off) for well over two years by now, he can never get over the fact that Aahna confident to the point of arrogance Deakins doesn’t do very well with interviews.

For all intents and purposes, she does just fine. She carries her confidence like a shield and her charm simply radiates onto the screen. But after being intimately acquainted with her and her idiosyncrasies for a better part of a year, her slight awkwardness is evident. Especially when it’s on red couches and with interviewers that she binge watches on a regular.

“You have to know something!” Graham presses on.

“They didn’t exactly… I mean, at this point I know more about how nuclear reactors work than I do about the Marauders movie,” Aahna says casually.

“Are you saying you haven’t watched it or that you’re surprisingly well educated about nuclear reactors?”

“Both?” She laughs.

And Niall knows she’s not lying, she’d looked it up the week before and spent her night explaining to him it how it worked in detail.

The flamboyant host presses on, “Do you even know if you’re in it at all?”

“I don’t… I… I’m not sure,” she stutters a little before chuckling.

The petite host all but practically screeches at that, “You’re not sure?”

“Is it because they don’t trust you to keep things off social media?”

“Pretty much,” Aahna nods, her grin wide and bashful at the same time, “I wasn’t exactly given a script. Everyone on the principal cast knew what was going on, they literally jumped straight into filming after the last season but I was only given the scenes that I was in, and mid-way through production, so I could be a ghost, a memory, a spell-induced hallucination, I’m possibly not even in the movie at all.”

Niall smiles to no one in particular, somewhat proud how well she’s fending despite the multitude of complicated factors surrounding the interview;

a) the possibility of letting too much about the movie slip and therefore violating her NDA, his NDA, and everyone’s NDA basically because she only knows as much as she knows because they’d told her,

b) the possibility of not talking about the movie enough which would cause the audience to be less excited about the boys being on the show in the following week,

c) the fact that she’s not actually on The Graham Norton Show to promote the Marauders movie but the new season of her own show, and of course,

d) the possibility of deflecting everything far too much and then having to maneuver questions about their relationship status which was a newly hot topic of much speculation.

Despite them not even trying to be sneaky about things after the completion of Marauders: The Final Chapter, the internet stayed unsuspectingly calm.

Apart from that one grainy low quality images of them having dinner surfacing on a fan blog, they’ve actually managed to evade the full force of rumours and speculation with Aahna busy with season two of her show and Niall preoccupied piecing together the parts for his own expansion of title from just ‘actor’ to ‘actor slash screenwriter slash director.’

It only unexpectedly comes to a head when Aahna tweets one of the March Madness bracket charts comparing the fictional men on television by replacing every name with Remus Lupin.

Twitter, as it does, promptly loses its shit over it.

@itsAahna

Fixed the chart for you 🙃 @BBCOne

@BBCOne

Wow what were even doing before you came along? @itsAahna

@itsAahna

Sleeping on Remus Lupin, clearly @BBCOne

@drowningg-in-deniall

can @itsAahna and @NiallOfficial just get together already i want peace 😭

@mishchiefnmayhem

OTPOTPOTPOTPOTP #drowningindeniall

@moooony

I WILL REVOLT #wandsattheready #drowningindeniall @MaraudersMovie

@padsnprongs

I mean we all know #jily is endgame in the movie but i want to see @itsAahna and @NiallOfficial IRL #drowningindeniall

@NikkiSwiftCeleb

If this doesn’t change your opinion on the “friendship” between @itsAahna and @NiallOfficial nothing will.

@PerezHilton

Can we say we called it first? @itsAahna and @NiallOfficial

@EW

@MaraudersMovie exclusive. The cast weigh in on the new fave will they won’t they couple and THAT tweet >> bit.ly/Jh8e3rd4

Niall was back in Ireland when it happens, but his Twitter blows up with fans asking if they really are dating. Oddly, none of the guys or any of the Marauders’ cast members pester him about it. Probably because they think that Aahna’s contractually obligated to keep the conversation on the upcoming Marauders movie, but keeping their sexual relationship turned actual relationship a secret for months on end is surprisingly easy when your friends aren’t being complete nosy fucks.

The only person who truly suspected anything had Caroline, and even then, she’d only thought they were having hate sex to fix all their problems. (Not like she was wrong.) But when they decided to come clean when they wrapped filming with a round of drinks, they find out that there’d been a betting pool going on in regards to their relationship instead.

“I had a tenner riding on this,” Louis says, swaying a little after his umpteenth shot, “I still can’t believe the two of you didn’t get together before the movie wrapped!”

Niall and Aahna share a look at that, but before either of them can let the cat out of the bag, Louis then goes off on how no one but Harry expected them all to become friends and how this lead to them all losing money to Harry and they telepathically decide against telling their friends. (Seems only fair, since their friends were all proving to be complete pricks.)

Which only brings things to their current conundrum of having to promote a movie whilst making use of their fan favourite characters’ practically non-existent romance while some fans were emotionally invested in the actors’ very secret but very real romance.

He smiles at the thought. Because he likes to tell people that he was in love once, back in Ireland. But he didn’t really fall in love, fall in love. Not really. It was more of a familiarity. Like one day something that was there all along that just… became love. And it’s entirely the opposite of what happened with Aahna. Before he was even fully aware of what was happening, she was just… all over his life. Everywhere. Like someone poured her over every inch of him and she just seeped into the very fabric of his life and he can’t wash her out no matter how much bleach he used.

The on screen conversation shifts to the other guests for a bit focusing on the projects they qere involved in, but when the host with the big red couch says he has some tweets to pull out circling back to her, Niall could see the subtle signs of panic creep in on her face.

“Lips were obviously sealed quite tightly when you got cast for the backdoor pilot on Marauders, but an incident got leaked to the press didn’t it?”

“Wait, is this the video?” Aahna asks realisation dawned upon her.

“These were the tweets following that video that most people seem to have forgotten about.”

“Something that you won’t let happen, obviously,” Aahna comments good humouredly, mentally bracing herself for whatever the Graham Norton team has managed to dig up on the interwebs.

“Obviously,” the host announces as they move their attention to the screen on set, “Now these tweets are, I believe, the immediate aftermath of the video hitting the internet.”

@NiallOfficial

4 yrs on a top rated tv show only to end up sharing scentime with someone who got famous lookng gd in thr underwear

@NiallOfficial

that’s not me throwing shade at modesl that’s me throwing shade at @itsAahna

@NiallOfficial

it’s really not my fault that @itsAahna finds memorising lines harder than slupring tequila off her girlfriend’s belly button

@itsAahna

are YOU slurping tequila off of your girlfriend’s belly button right now? @NiallOfficial

@itsAahna

lol kidding (what girlfriend) 😂 @NiallOfficial

@NiallOfficial

at least i’m not about to send in a sex tape to @DailyMirror to distract people from how i cant act atall

@itsAahna

if you wanted to make a sex tape all you had to do was ask @NiallOfficial

“And this went on for like a whole hour at 3 in the morning,” Graham titters excitedly as he continues scrolling through the seemingly endless barrage of tweets.

“They do say that the best relationships start from heated online arguments,” Aahna shrugs, a smile dangling coyly on the edge of her lips.

Niall’s heart skips a whole beat at that.

But luckily, no one on the red couch seemed to have given it as much thought and they glide by the whole topic unsuspectingly.

“I mean, at one point you weren’t even typing words!” The host exclaims, still scrolling through tweets.

“No, you have to say it really fast, it’s… it’s a joke on the Irish accent, I was making fun of his accent,” Aahna admits, looking a little pink in the cheeks in embarrassment and nerves.

She then does an (in his opinion, piss poor) impression of his Irish accent.

Niall can’t help it though, his smile is still so wide, he’s at risk of his face splitting in half.

“You might as well have insulted potatoes,” Graham responds, rather aghast at her impersonation.

“Or Guinness, the Irishman is rather fond of his Guinness,” Ines chimes in.

The rest of the interview goes on with attention bouncing back and forth between the guests and before he notices it, the musical guest comes on and the credits are rolling. He does his best to pretend to be upset when she breezes into his apartment like it’s hers the next day (although to be honest, it’s all hers really; his apartment, his mind, his soul, his heart).

“That’s your best impersonation of me?” He tuts, faking being insulted so hard he wonders how he was ever employed as an actor.

She, in turn, does a very poor job of not smiling as she sets down boxes of takeaway in his kitchen, “Seeing as that was the dumbest I’ve ever looked on telly, I think it was pretty on.”

He grins, “You were great.”

“I can see why you need glasses,” she raises a brow at his direction.

Niall merely shakes his head at that. It’s a quarter past four and the gang should be at his place in about an hour because everyone unanimously decided that he needed to host a party to celebrate his script selling and the studio wanting him to direct and she’s doing the dishes because ‘only losers eat out of takeaway boxes at a party’ and he can’t stop staring.

She looks up and finds him sort of looking at her weird.

“What?”

You, he thinks, I’m looking at you. I’m always looking at you.

“You know this is probably what Sierra meant,” he points out, a little breathless over absolutely nothing, “About distractions.”

She links her hands behind his neck, feigning ignorance, “No idea what you mean.”

And then he’s kissing her against the overflowing sink and she’s laughing, and he thinks it tastes better than anything in his whole atmosphere.

And honestly, Niall is pretty sure he could live off of that feeling for the rest of his life.

@Harry_Styles

I don’t mean to alarm anyone but I think @itsAahna and @NiallOfficial are legitimately dating.

@AinsWills

BETRAYAL!! DECEPTION!! OUTRAGE!! @itsAahna @NiallOfficial

@LeeyumPain

Pics or it didn’t happen @Harry_Styles

@itsAahna

DELETE. NOW. @Harry_Styles

@Louis_Tomlinson

SSSADFGDSASDFGDSADFSF

@Louis_Tomlinson

#DROWNINGINDENIALL @itsAahna @NiallOfficial

@Louis_Tomlinson

#AAHNAANDNIALLERSITTINGONATREE @itsAahna @NiallOfficial

@itsAahna

Stop yelling or I s2g I’m coming over there and choking you @Louis_Tomlinson

@Louis_Tomlinson

Kinky. I take it @NiallOfficial likes it rough?

@NiallOfficial

@Louis_Tomlinson keep your kinks to yourself. yes this is me kinkshaming you

@itsAahna

There are children on the interwebs!! @Louis_Tomlinson @NiallOfficial

@Louis_Tomlinson

Kinkshaming is my kink @NiallOfficial 😉

@Louis_Tomlinson

Kids, kinkshaming is bad

@NiallOfficial

jokes on you kinkshaming kinkshames is my kink @Louis_Tomlinson

@AinsWills

Caaaaan we bring it back to the betrayal bit @NiallOfficial

@C_Davies

Yes. In case you’re all wondering, the @MaraudersMovie cast has a betting pool on @itsAahna and @NiallOfficial

@C_Davies

And I want my money back @Harry_Styles

@itsAahna

Et tu @C_Davies? Et tu??

@Harry_Styles

None of that 👆 was a ‘yes, we’re dating’ @C_Davies

@itsAahna  

I’m blocking all of yous. @Harry_Styles @Louis_Tomlinson @LeeyumPain @C_Davies @AinsWills

@NiallOfficial

Yes, we’re dating 🙃

@itsAahna

BLOCKEDDDD @NiallOfficial 😡😡😡

@zaynmalik retweeted @AinsWils

BETRAYAL!! DECEPTION!! OUTRAGE!! @itsAahna @NiallOfficial

@itsAahna  

Okay internet (and former friends) You win this one.

@Louis_Tomlinson

I want my tenner back @Harry_Styles

[peachrogers]

my summation + overall thoughts of avengers: endgame

including: what i found wrong with endgame and why i am currently refusing to acknowledge that it happened.

okay i wrote this a while ago but after i never actually got around to posting it so here it is. 

first off,, i will once again introduce myself since this account is fairly new. hello, my name is mackenzie, call me mackenzie, or zie or mack or whatever you want. this was originally to be my main acc after i deactivacted all my old tumblrs because i planned to start fresh on tumblr again and after watching endgame for the second time last wednesday, this account became a marvel acc strictly so !! yeah follow me lets be friends !! message me whenever if you wanna talk or cry or anything. 

to put it bluntly,, endgame fucking sucked. 

endgame was meant to tie everything together. endgame was meant to be this great movie to sum everything up and tie it all together and to just make it make sense in other words.

there was so much hype surrounding endgame, so much pressure, so much excitement. 

in my opinion? the joint effort of the writers and the directors managed to ruin it all. they managed to take a movie that was supposed to do so much for the mcu, to tie everything together as a final conclusion to this infinity saga and they blew it all up.

endgame wasn’t a horrible movie, but there were multiple parts that i (and multiple others i know of) did not like and i will be going over it in this post.

it’s not just because of steve’s ending, which i know, i know, i’ve bitching and crying about that for a while on this account. it’s more than just steve’s ending.

this post is a little all over the place but i’ll try to keep my thoughts together the best that i can.

just a disclaimer: UNDER THE CUT I WILL BE TALKING IN DEPTH ABOUT THE EVENTS OF AVENGERS: ENDGAME AND THIS WILL INCLUDE MAJOR SPOILERS ABOUT THE MOVIE SO PLEASE BE WARY. (if you haven’t, seriously where the fuck have you been) BUT IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN ENDGAME AND DO NOT WISH TO HAVE IT SPOILED PLEASE SCROLL PAST THIS. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

okay here we go !! so i made posts before about this but this is gonna just be a big long post about EVERYTHING and i’ll explain everything and why endgame sucked. 

originally i had decided to go through scene by scene and talk about each scene but i mean, that’s not really the point of this post and frankly, doing that would probably make this post longer than i want it to be. so i will be focusing on the important scenes. the ones i think are most important to point out and talk about.

as i mentioned above the cut, it’s not just about steve. i know my user is peachrogers and steve rogers has always been my fave avenger. but its more than just steve’s ending and i’ll get into that as we get to it.

i used a transcript while writing this just to help me completely recall everything as it actually was since i don’t consider my memory completely reliable so i linked it if anyone else wants to look at it.  

and again, as i mentioned above, i don’t hate everything about endgame. there were parts of endgame i did like and enjoy. tony and nebula playing paper football for example, i thought that scene was very endearing and adorable and carol coming to save them really made me happy. 

but at the same time, there were scenes i did not enjoy. and i will be mainly going depth on those scenes since i kinda wanted to just summarize and explain and captalize on why endgame failed at doing the job it was meant to do in tying together these 22 mcu films released in the past 11 years.

so starting at the beginning of the film, after they find thaos and thor chops off his head and they have a five year time skip, we see steve, in a group therapy session. 

where steve once again brings up the love of his life and how everyone has to move on. which SPOILER ALERT he doesn’t. this scene, when i first watched i was kinda like whatever, but watching it the second time and watching it now(or even thinking on it), it makes me SO SO mad. pretty sure they kept this scene bc one of the directors is in it. this scene also just makes steve contradict himself since he goes on about how important it is for to move on and yet he just doesn’t even follow his own advice in the end and it aggravates me which i will get into later on.

so skipping to after scott comes out of the time machine van and then steve goes to visit natasha. tbh everytime i watch this scene with natasha and steve, it always just breaks my heart because of the whole:

you know, i keep telling everyone they should move on and… grow. some do. but not us.

(there steve goes again just contradicting himself:(()

and

we both need to get a life. 

you first.

and i remember reblogging a gif set of nat and steve with the same caption and i just :( bc of where they end up in the end and it’s just its really sad. 

seeing tony and pepper with morgan and the fact that tony has finally achieved a level of normalcy where he has his own life with his wife and his child, it’s really nice to see. he definitely deserves it. and i completely understand tony shutting down steve, nat, and scott because he doesn’t want to risk everything especially if it doesn’t work and he ends up losing it. and i totally understood that.

the diner scene where nat, steve, and scott go to talk to bruce about time travel. first off, i just wanna point off how annoying that scene was ?? especially the part with the kids and them not wanting a pic with scott and apparently they only kept that part in bc one of the kids was one of the director’s kids?? there’s just so much wrong with it. 

and now i move on to the great marvel cinematic universe version of time travel. which in itself really hardly makes any sense whatsoever since the directors and the writers both contradict each other on how it works. if you’re going to put time travel in your movie, i really feel like everyone should be on the same page on how it works but i mean, that’s just me. 

it took me a little bit to understand it bc what the fuck. 

the scene where clint,rhodey, bruce, nebula, and scott are discussing how time travel works and rhodey is just naming off all these time movies where time travel works the way that i see it as working(where your past completely changes your future/butterfly effect/chaos theory) and bruce and nebula basically debunk the whole thing and explain it as how changing your past doesn’t change your future and all the whole thing is just bullshit if you ask me. it’s so hard to understand.

okay im not here to argue about time travel. but let me just give some perspective. for me personally, i just see time travel to work like it did in life is strange because it makes more sense. if you change something in the past, that would directly impact your future. if you go in the past and prevent someone from dying, that would not just change the fact that they didn’t die but other factors would be affected too.

and when they brought in the alternate timelines and the “multiverse” it just made things so much more complicated for me.

and i have tried to educate myself more to understand it, i’ve read through multiple posts on the whole time travel thing and i’ve rewatched movies as well to try and understand.

i guess the biggest thing that didn’t sit well with me is just that the directors and writers WHO YOU WOULD ASSUME would bring some clarity and insight on the matter really just brought more confusion and only contradicted each other and i do Not Like it at all. 

but i mean who cares about what we want ? it obviously doesn’t mean shit to them.

moving on.

uh lebowski thor idk at first i really wasn’t into it and i was kinda like wtf but i mean i’ve kinda come to be cool with the change in character. and apparently chris hemsworth was really into it so idk to each their own. 

and just for the record: i think we all know that Noobmaster69 is deadpool

also i fucked loved the america’s ass joke but i’m pretty sure everyone did. 

okay moving on to stony going to the camp lehigh in the 1970s. really i just want to address the scene where steve hides in peggy’s office. you see on her desk that one picture of steve and the picture of her kids and legiT PEGGY WAS RIGHT THERE IN THE OTHER OFFICE HOW DID SHE NOT SEE STEVE WHAT THE FUCK

god idk just thinking about how it was the 1970s and she still thinks about steve who tbh she hardly knew, especially if you compare him to idk daniel sousa ?? and steve saw the picture of her kids and he still was like lol yeah not moving on.

natasha dying okay yeah that was hard to watch. especially since she got nothing for it. tony gets a whole funeral with everyone and yeah ig she got that one moment with the five of them talking about trying to bring her back but that was it and i hate that. natasha deserved more love more attention more recognition way way more than what she got.

ON YOUR LEFT

okay idk how people heard steve’s avenger assemble when the fucker literally whispered it.

i mean it was really nice seeing everyone coming together and fighting and idk it was just everything to see the final fight against thanos. 

ALSO CAP WIELDING MJOLNIR 

tony dying, like i definitely did cry and it was sad, but in a way it was okay because he did it for them he did it for everyone. 

there was an interview with the writers who said there wasn’t a draft where tony didn’t die and i don’t doubt it because i mean, i think it was needed. i think tony needed to be the one to do it. 

and now we get to my favorite part. you know, the worst part of the movie. where steve just ruins everything. 

in the process of returning the infinity stones, steve decides to create an alternate timeline with “peggy” and live out his life with her in that timeline while actual steve of that timeline is in ice.

okay listen i was cool with the final dance, i think that was definitely needed and it would’ve been a perfect end for steve to do that and return and idk give up captain america. but instead NO THEY HAVE TO DESTROY ALL OF captain america’s character development, all of peggy carter’s character development, RUIN BUCKY AND JUST RUIN EVERYTHING THAT WASNT OKAY I AM STILL JUST SO UPSET BECAUSE FOR STEVE TO JUST THROW EVERYTHING OUT THE WINDOW AND BE WITH PEGGY IN A DIFFERENT TIMELINE ITS NOT SOMETHING STEVE WOULD DO

we all know that is not something steve would do so it just it killed me and the directors hardly even gave an explanation for it and idk its just its such a let down and im just im not okay with it and i won’t be for a while. steve has always been my favorite avenger and for him to go out like this. its so disappointing, steve rogers deserved a better ending than this. 

endgame sucked and its gonna take me a while to accept that endgame actually happened. 

[whenispeakicrossmyfingers]

Skam Fic Love Fest Day 1: Comments

I’m excited to share a few comments that have made my heart melt over the last year. I’ve never written fanfiction before I got into Skam, and doing so has been a huge influence on my life. I don’t post a lot, and when I do, I know that most of the time it’s for a very niche ship. BUT the comments that I’ve gotten have meant the world to me and remind me that I’m not alone <3 

So without further ado, some faves: (most of these are from ao3 and idk if these people are on tumblr, but if you are, please let me know so i can send you some love 💕)

Time Can Do So Much and Still You’re Mine? 

My biggest thank yous go to MarysC, nessauepa, and Evakkk because they commented on nearly every chapter and really kept @stardustheartbeats​ and I going with this insane idea. most notable were:

MarysC: Yes, this chapter was amazing and super hilarious. Yes, maybe my favorite so far. But excuse me. Gabrielle Valtersen-Bech Næsheim.Gabrielle Valtersen-Bech Næsheim.THIS IS THE CUTEST SHIT EVER! OH MY GOD!!!! I'M DYING!! I CAN'T HANDLE IT. JESUS, SO CUTE! <333333

nessauepa: I was so happy that you updated it. I was thinking about this fic a couple days ago. Im really fond of this. I would like you to keep this forever. <3

Evakkk: this was so good!! Super funny and Evak was so in love and adorable and the banter was amazing! And jonas and Mik really added to the fun and the betting was super funny! This is such a fun fic to read so far! Keep up the great work!

MarysC: I miss this fic so much!!!! :( Hope everything is ok with you, guys!

These all just made me smile so big, and MarysC’s last comment gave us the motivation we needed to finish and I honestly can’t thank them enough. This fic would not have been finished if we didn’t get that, so thank you ❤️

You Steal the Air Out of My Lungs

arindwell: This was lovely! I loved the way you characterized Mikael here; it felt so perfect. Thank you!

waitineedaname: This is so cute!!!!!!! I love these two omg they compliment each other so well - Jonas's steady, grounding nature works perfectly with Mikael's excited energy. I love love love this

puddingandpie: i've come back to this fic a lot and read it over and over because i really enjoy it but ive never commented and im rectifying that now i really enjoy this i enjoy all the little tidbits of life that you weave into this about jonas and his journey as well as who mikael is i love friendship as well im a big fan of that and there was a lot of that in here and that was lovely i really liked this i just wanted to let you know :)

These three mean a lot to me because the characterization of Mikael is something I take really seriously, as well as Jonas/Mikael’s dynamic. Also the fact that someone has read this story multiple times means the absolute world to me. This was the first Jokael thing I ever posted and I was (still am) terrified, so getting comments like this keeps me going. 

A Thrill of Hope

I got a lot of great comments on this but I owe the biggest thank you to @towonderland72​ for hers: 

okay so I'm currently crying at work, my god. Help. I love this movie more than pretty much anything else I've ever seen, and this absolutely, perfectly did it justice. Isak and Even in this are amazing, but I have to say I am so EMOTIONAL about Harold and Mikael and Jonas, I can't even tell you. This is the best gift, so thank you thank you thank you from the bottom of my heart for writing something so magical and lovely <3

This was a bold fic and I basically wrote it in a fever dream, but I spent like, every minute of my spare time on it before Christmas break when I should have been focusing on my students. I love this comment a lot too because it got me more involved with fic writing in general and has helped me become a slightly more active participant in the writing parts of this fandom

Running Home to You

There are a few parts to this series, but here are some comments that stuck out. 

puddingandpie on I'm Growing like the Quickening Hues: hi i really loved this also i left kudos on this ages ago but im rereading it lmao bc i liked it that much <3

JDolgovaa on I'm Growing like the Quickening Hues: hello :) I just wanted to say a couple of words... I started to search for mikael/jonas fanfics just yesterday, I’ve never read anything about them, and sadly there’re too little written about them. I wanted to say that this story is incredible, it’s written so beautifully, the words you picked to describe the dialogues, characters, surroundings ... wow I’m in a complete awe of you and your beautiful mind <3 I’d love to read more from you! you’re incredible.

Strangeristalking on You Make My Heart Breathe With Ease: This was such an amazing story! I'm begging you for more of this pair! You do them very well <333

momotaro87 on Lets Take Our Time in the Moonlight: I love this series!

also @scorpiopeaches for asking for more, and my unbearably lovely anon the other day who told me they would anything else from this series. 

A lot of these are really simple but they mean so much to me!! I know that posting Jokael is not going to get much visibility, but the readers that I have are so sweet, and make me so happy to love such a weird ship so much lol. 

This got really long and I feel super sappy. Even if I don’t seem that sappy, I promise you my heart feels like honey and I have squealed with joy and pink hearts and screenshotted each comment and sent it to caroline because it brings me such joy. Thanks to everyone who reads and writes, and thanks fo @evaksbinder for organizing this love fest. I feel really full 💕☺️🌷✨

[lillianvalnala]

TAZ Finale stuff

all of my thoughts from throughout the episode are gonna be here so HEAVY SPOILERS! also its super fucking long cuz this episode was amazing

-because thats the sex number!

-im listening to the ad reads and stuff thats usually in the middle since its at the beginnings just bc im nervous and its gonna make me cry cuz i just. love griffin 

-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA OKAY HERE WE GO ITS STARTING AND IM STRESS

-hunger is a lorge boi

-”alright buddy, dance for me” I LOVE DAVENPORT

-is it john

-ITS JOHN

-OH NO JOHN I ACTUALLY FEEL BAD FOR HIM

-really taako 

-i fucking love these dorks so much

-YOUR FINAL BATTLE FUCK

-L E T S   R O L L   I N I T A T I V E

-beautiful owl song

-Mathias is Hedwig 

-beautiful bean damage

-cut things very good 

-this fucking badass sword i love it

-MAGNUS WANTS TO BE WITH HIS BOYS

-hachi machi thats a lot of damage 

-i wonder how many times they’ve said boy in this entire series 

-merle like. put razor blades in candy and gave it to john

-magnus is cool and im in love with him

-SIX ATTACKS IN ONE ROUND I LOVE FIGHTERS MAGNUS IS AWESOME AS HELL

-my current mood is griffin’s “fuck off” when travis says 92

-bye john

-wait what ok maybe not bye john

-whAT th e fck is happening griffin 

-GRIFFIN THE SWORD WHAT ARE YOU DOING G R I F F I N

-WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

-THIS MUSIC IS AMAZING I LOVE IT

-orbs orbs orbs orbs

-OH MY G O D WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON

-the final john, john the destroyer of worlds

-OKAY THAT WAS SCARY HES NOT DEAD 

-travis calling them his boys makes me happy

-god someone’s gonna die this episode but HEY it won’t matter because theyre on the ship and thats how the ship works

-taako is scared aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

-ABRACA-FUCK YOU AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I JUST GOT REALLY FUCKING EXCITED OH MY G O D 

-take that orbs

-hit that blue boy magnus

-take that blue orb

-taako not you too god damn it 

-god damn bosses and their bullshit im so scared

-naptime!

-oh no mom 

-what is happening what 

-pan!!! my boy!!!!!

-THANKS PAN YOU AMAZING GOD BOY

-oh s h i t 

-bringing in a character from another series jesus christ

-LIGHT HIM THE FUCK UP JOAQUIN 

-HELL YEAH I LOVE JOAQUIN

-I LOVE THIS 

-clint are you serious right now god damn it

-GARFIELD WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

-call griffin in do it you cowards

-garfield doesnt look like anything they just cant tell 

-garfield pulls out a gun

-oh not a gun a fucking grenade 

-R O S W E L L IM SO HAPPY MY FAVORITE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEYRE HERE IM GONNA CRY

-i fucking love roswell i still love them im absolutely in love

-oh my GOD taako i love him hes amazing

-a time paradox get fucked

-i love these goobers

-SUMMON VOIDFISH!!!!!!!!!!!1 YES!!!! F I SH E R S 

-travis got so happy!!! oh my gosh!!! he was so concerned about them last episode and now he knows they’re safe and aaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-i love the voidfishes they are amazing 

-im so proud of these space jellies

-take that orbs

-honestly this music is beautiful i love it

-o h  n o the engine 

-o h n o the engine

-john goes AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

-”im not goin fuckin anywhere” I LOVE THIS

-holy shit griffin

-jesus christ dont make me feel bad for john this is gonna make me cry its so peaceful and nice like merle is the only friend john had and he wanted to spend his last moments with his only friend

-haha it looks lit 

-my mom i love her

-oh my god are you serious griffin fucking mcelroy 

-im half way through and ive cried once so i think we’re doing good

-istus!!!! oh my god!!!!!!! thank you goddess mom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-he wants to help lup!!!!! he cares about his sister so much!!!!!! goals!!!!!!!!

-ANGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 YOU GO KIDDO I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-HURLEY AND SALONE AND KLARG AND OH MY GO D YES FUCK IT UP GUYS!!!

-YOU’RE GOING TO BE AMAZING 

-AAAAAAAAAAAAA IM SO HAPPY G E R Y L 

-I LOVE THIS SO MUCH 

-IM IN LOVE WITH THIS EPISODE 

-scuttle buddy :D

-train train train train train 

-o shit the planes

-its griffin, himself, as a character

-oH MY GOD I WAS RIGHT I WAS JUST JOKING ARE YOU KIDDING ME

-its spirited away, like the movie 

-jeffandrew... jeffandrew...

-blupjeans hell yeah

-Im so proud of these kids

-ANGO MY SWEET BABY SON JUST HIS EXISTENCE MAKES ME TEAR UP I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

-this is sweet i love this 

-MAYOR CASSIDY AWWWWWW

-this is really beautiful i love it 

-awww ango is the top student im so proud of my son i love him

-davenport!!! my other dad!!! im proud of him too and im so happy for him!!!!!!

-Joyfully yous, Davenport

-lup and barry are working with taako’s bf and i love it thanks raven mom

-BACK SOON OH MY GOD STOP

-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA LUP HAS A BODY AGAIN 

-“im about to smooch your fucking brains out, babe”

-good luck getting the fuckin bracers off 

-pringles!!!!!!! i love him what a good boy

-i love my actual mom Lucretia 

-the day of story and song

-twins cooking together my #aesthetic lup is roasting taako over his cooking

-these two are goals and i love them i love elf twins so much

-”what part of that sounds like i was joking”

-i love justin and taako so much they’re my faves

-taako is the best boy

-everyone is in house taako and wears taako t-shirts 

-ren my daughter im proud of her

-”i should mention my boyfriend is death...”

-barold 

-i want taako to cook for me

-awwwwwwwwwwwww krav and taako are so cute

-MY BOY! MY SON! THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE! HE’S TALLER NOW AND IM PROUD OF HIM!

-aww ango is so cute and i love him my sweet son he’s still the world’s greatest detective!

-TAAKO CALLED HIM LITTLE MAN THATS WHAT I CALL TUCKER THAT MAKES ME SO HAPPY 

-mavis and mookie!!! i love them kids!!!!!!!!! this is so cute!!!!

-merle taught kiddos and got closer to his kids that makes me so happy

-merle doesnt hear much from taako or magnus thats like, sad

-i love how many characters came back 

-governor merle highchurch

-he wants to be earl merle highchurch

-merlegartia ville

-i love mookie he’s so cute

-”you’re his hero you know” OKAY THANKS FOR RIPPING MY HEART OUT THAT WAS CUTE

-UNCLE TAAKO AND UNCLE MAGNUS AND AUNT LUP AND AUNT LUCRETIA AND UNCLE BARRY AND DAV

-pun’kin thats adorable

-AW THATS SO CUTE I LOVE THIS MERLE LOVES HIS KIDS SO MUCH

-wedding wedding wedDING WEDDING WEDDING WEDDING W E D D I N G  L E A S BI A N S

-this is so sweet im so happy i love this so much

-ango cries at weddings thats so sweet

-i love these characters!!! so much!!!

-subtle magnus. so very subtle 

-right hand man magnus is my favorite i love

-magnus has a school too and DOG TRAINER YAY 

-HE TRAINS SERVICE DOGS!! I LOVE 

-HE NAMED HIS DOG JOHANN IM CRYING IM ACTUALLY CRYING RIGHT NOW

-okay griffin how about go fuck yourself? 

-i love the few seconds of silence after griffin asks “how does magnus die”

-oh my lord im crying harder now this is such fucking bullshit what the hell guys

-god dont bring grown up angus into this shit what the fuck griffin 

-im actually sobbing over this oh my lord

-travis is clearly crying you can hear it in his voice

-OH NO DO NOT BRING JULIA INTO THIS

-BITCH DO N O T

-god i dont like hearing travis cry 

-im actually like sobbing over this 

-oh my god the music 

-oh my lor d st  o p it hurts its so cute i love magnus so much i love him and julia and the dogs and i love travis so sos os os os o much 

-THE MOST BEAUTIFUL ELF IM LIKE 100% NOT OKAY RIGHT NOW THIS HURTS SO BAD

-carey my sweet girl i love her

-”im gonna streak my fuckin eyeliner” “give me a hug lizard girl” “dont fuckin call me that. i’m a proud dragonborn” 

-i love the lesbians i love everyone in this god damn podcast

-fisher :D

-love them voidfish

-aw they all cried that warms my heart 

-honestly that was so beautiful??????

-travis hasnt urinated in three years confirmed 

-so thats it. thats the end. im glad it ended how it did, i really liked that. 

[zevonandwaits]

3, 4, 5, 6, 9, 10, 11, 17, 19, 22, 28, 30, 32, 33, 44, 47, 49, 50, 55, 56, 65, 68, 69, 72, 75, 76, 77, 79, 81, 82, 86, 87, 88, 89, 90, 93, 95, 100, 101, 107, 108, 115, 116, 117, 118, 119, 121, 122, 127, 128, 133, 138, 139, 142, 146, 148, 149, 150 YIKES I'm a nosy bitch good luck! :*

okay i FINALLY have the time to answer these (i think, i’m just bored in poli sci rn but still)

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

hmm……maybe i think it’s my parents, they’re coming to visit me on easter and that’s a while away but i can’t wait. also i can’t wait to see my friends from home over summer break (less than 2 months!!)

4. Are you easy to get along with?

honestly i think i’m too easy to get along with. i’ve been kind of a doormat my whole life because i’m afraid of confrontation and hurting people. that’s gonna change though. slowly, but surely it will change. 

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

i don’t like like anybody right now….but i love my friends (like you) and i know for sure that they would

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

i guess people who don’t know how to treat me right. 

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

HAHA yes i’m such a prude i always have to work myself up when i want to bring up the topic of sex with someone. i feel so awkward about what’s tmi, or about potentially grossing someone out, idk. sex is weird. let’s ban it (jk let’s not)

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

I think it was you 

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

“Because they didnt put it up before” i’m currently freaking out to my parents because my college just decided NOW to notify me of a past due balance for this strep test that they made me take even though i looked on the site a few days ago and it wasn’t up there so i couldn’t pay it i hate them sometimes they’re so dumb (them being the school and their bad notification skills)

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

YEA and it’s exciting i just hope they don’t kill us

19. Do you like bubble baths?

nah son idk don’t kill me but i just don’t like baths in general i’d rather shower 

22. Where would you like to travel?

lol i’m so basic but lately i’ve really been wanting to go to disney world, i haven’t been there in ages and i really miss it

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

honestly? myself

people give me anxiety i’m always scared of being judged 

30. Do you ever want to get married?

yeah someday if there’s somebody that i want to marry enough. i don’t think it’s essential though it’s foolish to get married for the sake of getting married so

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

aaaaAAAA this is such an awkward question idk!??!?!?!? uhhhh???? 

happiness and love is my final answer 

33. Spell your name with your chin.

omfg i’m in class rn

i’ll come back to this

okay

vic tkerua mjrsano

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

outer space ftw

some fish are really scary tbh

47. Have you ever been high?

nah son

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

well if i hope nobody finds out about it, what good is it to answer this question? ;)

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

coincidence! i’m wearing a hoodie right now! it’s light blue, my class color, and of course it’s a bryn mawr hoodie

55. Favourite blog?

honestly it’s kinda like a celebrity blog but all her posts are perfect and i really look up to her and support her because she is very lovely and perfect so uh here’s the link if you wanna check her out

56. Favourite colour?

sky blue

65. Are you hungry right now?

trick question i’m always hungry

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

i mean i like tumblr (unfortunately) but sometimes i go on twitter because there’s a user on there whose tweets are all gold here’s the link if you wanna see

69. Are you watching tv right now?

nah i’m just not paying attention in class

72. What colour are your towels?

the ones i have at college are dark blue but the ones i have at home are light blue

75. Favourite animal?

heckin cattos frn

76. What colour is your underwear?

pink lmao

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

omfg chocolate all the way, i hate vanilla stuff. vanilla ice cream is nasty tbh

i like vanilla in baking but still chocolate is better

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

it’s my aforementioned light blue bryn mawr hoodie

81. Favourite tv show?

i think you know the answer to this one ;)

82. Favourite movie?

benny and joon it’s so underrated but i’ve seen it like 30 times since i was like 14

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

squishy

87. First person you talked to today?

maybe my roommate? i honestly don’t remember i havent talked to many people today i had a bad dream and i’ve been groggy and grumpy ever since

88. Last person you talked to today?

my friend sitting next to me

89. Name a person you hate?

donald trump

90. Name a person you love?

YOU

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

honestly? this is such a disappointing answer but none! i want them though i just…..don’t have any

95. Last movie you watched?

begin again and i love you for suggesting it to me

100. How are you feeling?

healthy. 

101. Do you type fast?

kinda, but i type very inaccurately so that kinda reduces my speed because i always have to backspace and retype stuff

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

yeah! i rode a horse in peru last year but i can’t ride horses and my horses name was diablo and he was a literal diablo and he kept running whenever he felt like it and it was very scary

108. What should you be doing?

probably paying attention but this class is optional today and shes not really saying anything important so w/e

115. Do you play the Wii?

i used to! it’s so old now though it’s become crotchety and i only use it for netflix now lmao 

how things change, i used to be obsessed with it

116. Are you listening to music right now?

just the lovely monotony of my professor’s voice 

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

yeah! i had some last night as i was watching begin again

118. Do you like Chinese food?

YEA honestly one of my fave things in life

119. Favourite book?

Flowers for Algernon come on addie you already asked me this ;)

121. Are you mean?

no but i should start to be in certain situations

122. Is cheating ever okay?

NO. that is a 100000% dealbreaker imo. if your s/o cheats it means that you’re not important enough to them and they don’t care about your feelings like at all so leave. 

127. What makes you happy?

YOU

(and cats)

(and friends/family)

(and curling up and watching a movie/reading a book)

128. Would you change your name?

ehhh i mean i’m not a fan of my name but i feel like changing it would be such a hassle between the legal stuff and then people calling me by the wrong name or whatever, i don’t think it’s worth it

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

I should have known you’d bid me farewellThere’s a lesson to be learned from this and I learned it very wellNow I know you’re not the only starfish in the seaIf I never hear your name again, it’s all the same to me

And I think it’s gonna be all rightYeah, the worst is over nowThe mornin’ sun is shinin’ like a red rubber ball

thank u 2 pol simon

also i think u know why

138. Curly or Straight hair?

well my hair is curly but i really wish it were straight when im struggling with it lmao

i like curly hair though, when it’s nOT UNMANAGEABLE

139. Brunette or Blonde?

i always seem to prefer brunette guys tbh. 

but my favorite person is blonde so idk ;)

142. Favourite month?

july. i love the heat and not having responsibilities 

also i just realized my favorite person was born in july ;*

146. Was today a good day?

i mean it wasn’t bad

but it wasn’t like amazing

it was alright i guess

148. What’s your favourite quote?

this was said by someone i admire very much: 

“YIKES I’m a nosy bitch good luck!”

i don’t agree but i admire her

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

nah. i hope i didn’t anger the ghost that supposedly lives in my dorm but nah. 

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

that would be the book i’m reading for anthro and it is: 

“But where I come from, women don’t call out to men”

Pakistani gender roles ig 

[thealpacalypse-archive]

1-50 #notevensorry #ily

oh wow, so much for going to bed early today^^

1. what’s your favorite musical?

ALL OF THEM

but my top faves over the years have been Elisabeth, 3 Musketiers, Into The Woods, RENT, Jesus Christ Superstar, Book of Mormon, Hamilton, and most recently, Dear Evan Hansen

2. favorite character in your favorite musical?

Robert from Company, Elphaba, The Witch from Into The Woods, Angel from RENT

3. what’s your favorite play?

bruh, SO MANY. recently i’m really into chekhov again, I recently saw an amazing Ivanov. other than that, I’m absolutely into Shakespeare, and I have a weakness for Schillers Die Räuber. Oh, and Andorra by Max Frisch.4. favorite character in your favorite play?

Viola from Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night maybe?? I love her.

5. what’s your dream role?

macbeth. andri in Andorra. Robert in Company. Mercutio in Romeo and Juliet. Antigone.

6. what’s a role you’d like to play that you’d never be able to?

I’m probably never able to play any of the roles I just mentioned, so…

7. do you prefer being behind the scenes or in the spotlight?

i mean going into dramaturgy, I will have to be happy with staying behind the scenes, but my heart will always bleed because I’m not on stage

8. do you like hamilton?

IT’S MY JAM I LOVE IT SO MUCH I CRY

9. have you seen hamilton?

AND I CRY SOME MOREmaybe one day, now that it’s coming to London

10. how do you feel about hyped up shows like hamilton, les mis, and rent?

Honestly, I couldn’t care less about how hyped they are. I love all my faves equally, doesn’t matter if it’s Wicked or some obsure 40’s book musical no one has played for decades. the good thing about hyped shows is: better cast recordings, better bootlegs, movie versions, all that nice stuff.

11. did you like this year’s tony awards?

didn’t watch the last tonys tbh. i don’t even know why, there wasn’t any particular reason

12. what award should there be that isn’t?

huh, don’t know, maybe one that specifically honours female writers and composers?

13. what shows have you been in/helped with?

mostly plays: my first one was Andorra, then a Shakespeare mashup thingie, then an original play about a teen with Aids, then an awesome one that was called The Trojan War Will Not Take Place, then Pension Schöller, then I was singing Carmina Burana, then Andorra again, and then a revue kinda thingie where we did various songs from musicals, operetta, opera, some choreographies, some other stuff… I probably forgot a few things, but oh well.

14. have you ever been paid to act onstage or on camera?

haha nope

15. do you prefer broadway or west end shows?

well I’ve never been to broadway. I’ve seen a couple of shows on west end tho. but one day I will go to Broadway and watch all the shows. have to get awfully rich first though

16. favorite stage actress?

Pia Douwes was one of my first stage crushes. of the german speaking ones, I also really love Sabrina Weckerlin, Annemieke van Dam, Lucy Scherer, Isabel Dörfler and Kerstin Ibald. Internationally, i have a huge crush on Kelli O'Hara, Phillipa Soo, and Alexia Khadime.

17. favorite stage actor?

Carl van Wegberg was my first crush, 12 years ago in Elisabeth. Rasmus Borkowski tho. And Oliver Arno and Serkan Kaya and Ben Platt and Nic Rouleau and tbh I have a bit of a thing for Aaron Tveit. Neil Patrick Harris, I know, I know, but DAMN i’m still not over his “Being Alive” and never will be.

18. favorite show currently or recently running?

Might be Dear Evan Hansen. I don’t know it well enough yet to say for certain, but damn, I love it!!!!

19. what’s your dream #ham4ham (even if you don’t like hamilton)?

my favorite one? obviously the schuyler georges. and the one where they got various people to do guns and ships. or is the question, who would I want to be at a ham4ham? Then my answer is Dame Julie Andrews of course. damn, forgot to mention her at my fave actresses.

20. who should host the tony’s next year?

LMM? With Dwayne The Rock Johnson as a co-host.

21. do you watch broadwaycom backstage vlogs?

from time to time. though it’s been ages since i last did that.

22. what’s your opinion on movies turned into musicals?

well, everything is turned into musicals these days. I don’t care so much what the source material is, as long as the music is good and the characters are great and it works with the plot. i mean, generalizing doesn’t really work, because you got stuff like Heathers, and then something like the Spiderman musical, so…

23. do you prefer musical movies or live musicals?

i love both, for very different reasons. i mean live theatre though. i have yet to find anything in this world that compares to it.

24. do you have an opinion on american psycho?

haven’t seen it. don’t care about it.

25. what movie would you want to be turned into a musical?

hmm. something gay. Imagine Me And You maybe? Or, wait, hold on, holy shit. PRIDE THE MUSICAL.

26. what role would you like to see your favorite actor play?

umm…. Ben Platt should go places, and get the parts he wants to have, and get to create new parts, because he’s amazing and he deserves it and I would probably watch him play a banana peel for two hours straight because he’d be amazing at that as well.

27. do you prefer musicals, plays, or operas?

I LOVE ALL OF IT???? DON’T MAKE ME CHOOSE THAT’S SO RUDE

28. dramatic plays or comedies?

again, cannot choose. both is good.

29. andrew lloyd webber or stephen sondheim?

Sondheim, always. I love JCS and I will fight anyone for the trash show that is Joseph and the Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat, but that’s about it with Webber. Sondheim hasn’t done anything wrong in his life, ever, and I know this, and I love him.

30. neil patrick harris or james corden?

i mean, I love James Corden, but I mentioned it before, NPH in Company. BRUH.

31. did james corden do a good job hosting the tony’s (in your opinion)?

don’t know, didn’t see it

32. create a show mash-up and explain the plot (ex: legally todd = sweeney todd + legally blonde)

umm???? okay I’m tired and not very clever anymore, so the only thing I can come up with is

hamilrent - a couple of angry twenty- and thirtysomethings trying to make a change in american politics while being broke af

33. what song always makes you cry?

“Being Alive”. Isn’t it boring that I keep on bringing this up over and over again? I know. I still cry. Also “Children Will Listen” from Into The Woods. And “Wo ist der Sommer” from 3 Musketiers. And so far, “You Will Be Found” from Dear Evan Hansen.

34. how do you feel about musicals using other artists’ music?

like in jukebox musicals? I’m mostly trash for it tbh. We Will Rock You is such a trash fest but I love it, and I will always fight anyone on Mamma Mia.

35. what celebrity would you like to see on broadway next?

idk amandla stenberg?

36. favorite show you’ve been in?

we did a huge medley of “Im Weißen Rössl” once and tbh i love this operetta. it’s cheesy af but who cares.

37. would you like to act professionally?

i would. i gave that up a while ago though, when I realized I was too disabled to be accepted into acting schools.

38. television or stage acting?

i would personally always choose the stage over television acting, but I don’t necessarily think one is better than the other

39. what disney movie should be a musical that isn’t?

not sure if moana could work on stage but damn i love that music

40. if you could see one show on broadway or west end, what would it be?

i really miss book of mormon and I want to see it again, but hamilton or dear evan hansen would be first i guess. or fun home.

41. what musical should be revived next?

i’m so glad miss saigon is coming back, i love it. how about we bring back Into The Woods?

42. are musical sequels okay?

i personally don’t care much for them, but i don’t condemn them. like, i dislike theatre that’s made solely for the purpose of making money, which is something sequels are usually about. but that doesn’t mean that sequels are always and will always be a bad thing.

43. what musical sequel would you like there to be that isn’t?

umm???? well it would make sense for there to be a wicked sequel, since the book has a sequel as well? or, maybe not exactly a sequel, but more history musicals in the style of hamilton? that’d be rad.

44. have you ever had a crush on a character from a show?

umm. … no? *sweats nervously* why would you ask that…….? … never

45. how do you feel about musicals being done live on tv now?

i think it’s a cool idea in general, making musicals more accessible to a wider audience, in a way that’s closer to live theatre. i just think the format is still too new and it needs a lot more practice until it’s going to work.

46. did you like grease live?

haven’t seen it

47. are you excited for hairspray live?

i was really excited beforehand, and then i was absolutely disappointed because it was more racist, more sexist, more ableist, and generally worse than the movie version, and while the cast was good, it wasn’t good enough to save bad directing.

48. what show do you desperately want your school/community to do?

well, I want RENT to be back in Germany, and not in the horrible German translation please. Maybe my current employer could get on that? they’re known for excellent stagings of musicals, and they also did Anything Goes in the english original.

49. are you a stronger singer or dancer?

i’m not great at either but I love doing both. since my body is a bit shit though, I suppose i have a slight advantage for my singing.

50. would you rather design the set, direct the show, or help with effects?

i already helped with video and audio effects once, that was fun. i’m no good at set design, and directing doesn’t sound too bad, but I’m not into the creative pressure that comes along with directing. i think I’ll just stick to my dramaturgy. :P

thanks love, for all the questions!