#this is my comfort thing to talk about
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because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.
you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.
you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.
don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.
if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.
you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:
how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!
aren't you happy yet?
#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail''#ah tumblr...#writeblr#warm up#idk . having trouble writing rn#ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum#i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for#i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" .....#no.... not really.....#idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography#like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days#furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing...#this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey.#idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me.#i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will#actually ever happen#ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum
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#i feel like tge fact im apprehensive about posting this is kinda proving my point#the way everyone talks about both weight gain and weight loss is just horrendous#like idek if i could fit all i wanna say in here especially while im at work but#i so badly wish people could be normal about weight gain and talking about it#its like if youre not in some constant state of wanting to lose weight people want to kill you#god forbid you want to put on weight to feel more comfortable in your body outside of muscles and a butt#fatphobia is a given thats a whole other few paragraphs#im grateful i have mutuals and friends who are normal but ill have or hear these convos and go#ok i feel sick. why do i feel this way why do you feel that way.#anyways i think fatphobia is one of the worst things to ever happen
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yeah so this was insane
#i feel like too many people reduce this interaction to jason being like ‘lol same’#but idk :/#this chapter is from jason’s pov#and leading up to it he’s like ‘people keep walking on eggshells around me bc of the the michael varus stab wound’#and he hates it so when he goes on deck to help out with the storm#everyone’s like wtf except for percy#and jason states how much he appreciated percy not treating him like a sick kid#and i feel like it’s echoed in this sentiment where jason could say so many things like#‘you should never feel that way’ ‘im here if you need anything’#but he doesn’t make percy feel alone in his desire to just…. end it all#which ik for some people that doesn’t work but you’re not a character in hoo and percy is dealing with so much guilt#and he can’t tell annabeth bc she’s a main aspect of that guilt#and he doesn’t wanna guilt her more and he feels ashamed and when he describes this he feels weird for feeling it#so having jason this tough guy be like ‘yo i understand it bc i felt the same way#that’s gotta mean a lot to percy#also insane how jason who also struggles to display vulnerability#allows it in one of few times in this moment just so percy this guy he’s supposed to be jealous about#feels comforted and not alone in his guilt and shame#and also it’s just insane how jason’s wanting to kay em ess does not get talked about AT ALL#and just seeing his mom and the pressure of new rome getting to him#like this scene is insane and i’ll never shut up about it#also ignore me i’m just finishing my reread of hoo that took all summer#jason grace#percy jackson#pjo#ashla.txt
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Council of lovefools.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#jiang yanli#jiang cheng#They don't have an actual sleepover in this scene but the vibes were so sleepover coded...I had to get them cozied up.#Late night talks with friends and family are some of the best conversations.#My siblings and I used to have room sleepovers with each other (Actually an excuse to stay up and talk about runescape)#Currently my flatmates and I also have really great heart to hearts late into the night.#Pondering shit like 'What defines confidence?“ and ”Why are people terrified of letting themselves fall in love?"#All that aside; There is a really great conversation between JC and WWX here. They are so close and yet so far way from each other!#Fundamentally they *agree* about many things - but JC now has to play the role of someone more 'mature'.#His temper is reigned in and he had to take a more nuanced approach. Whereas WWX can be far more reactionary.#JC has changed to become someone more mature (or at least he is trying).#Contrast this attitude with the scene *right* after where WWX literally goes baby mode with JYL. Rolling around going “I'm Fwee years old”.#When children are hurt we comfort them with hugs and warm food and a laugh. It's not enough when you're an adult. It's not simple anymore.#WWX is stuck in the past when everyone else is shifting and moving on! It's a depression allegory (and just...actual depression)#But we also get to see how some things have stayed the same. They still bicker about soup. They still tease. They are still together.#They all care for each other very much but they are struggling against trauma and are not equipped to talk about it.#You can't really blame WWX for being so protective over JYL. But JC is right: “You don't have a say in who she likes.”#It may have started as an arranged marriage but *she* is *choosing* what her heart wants. JC sees that. WWX cannot.#The final act of love is letting go after all.
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there are a lot of evil people in the world and a lot of darkness in the world and so it’s very important for me to stress that now more than ever is the time to spread kindness and compassion. combat the evil by not only not partaking in it, but actively refuting it. destroy the notion that being compassionate or generous or kind to someone is uncool or embarrassing or even scary. be the change you want to see. start a chain reaction. positivity only breeds more positivity. do an act of kindness for someone so that that person who is too afraid to do it themselves can see you, realize that they’re not alone, and perhaps sheepishly follow your example. and then the next person who is too afraid but sees that person can do the same. when bad news comes out about bad people or horrible atrocities in the world it’s such an easy impulse to despair, and obviously it’s important to feel what you need to feel. grieve. be angry. be sorrowful. be empathetic. but dust off your pants and get up and be a part of a chain reaction that, no matter how small the scale, and spread compassion and love and care. all the reasons why you might not—“it’s hard! it’s scary! people will make fun of me! it’s useless because there’s too much evil!” are all grade A arguments as to why you should. you have no idea how many people you could inspire to do the same. even if it doesn’t get you anyway far, you can at least say you have the nobility of trying. please choose love and please choose life. you are worth loving and you are worth inspiring others to love
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catboy max verstappen because uhhhhhhhhh yeah!! anyways enjoy
#in my mind the collar is a breakaway collar and the tag has his driver number on the front and his breed + blood type on the back#he has to drive with his tail tucked between his legs it is NOT comfortable#there’s also like a fireproof sock thing he has to wear over his tail#the ears tuck back because he’s in sports mode (like crocs)#my fav details are the sponsors on the racesuit and the whiskers on the helmet#anyway if this flops im gonna be so embarrassed im gonna delete myself from existence#but if you like it please talk to me about catboy max i love catboy max#catboy max save me#f1#f1 fanart#mv33#max verstappen#mv1#max verstappen fanart#my art#catboy max#is anyone even awake im posting so late LOL
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Act 2 Thanks for reading
#bg3#astarion#baldurs gate 3#tav#tavstarion#astarion x tav#astarion x faetheri#faetheri#comic#long post#my art#redundantx art#i dunno if everything i wanted to convey comes accross but oh well#enjoy my brainworms#he probably could comfort her more since shes being sincere but i like it to much when they tease lol#takes place after the confession scene#its about him not being forced to do something against his will but she cant help worry about the other things the drow talked about.#worried she shouldnt let him drink her blood cause she likes it likes it#he looks different every page lmao
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THE HEART KILLERS (2024-2025) เขาจ้างให้ผมจีบนักฆ่า dir. Jojo Tichakorn Phukhaotong
#the heart killers#the heart killers the series#joong archen#dunk natachai#tuserhidden#tusersilence#tobelle#userrlana#userlinnea#vishingwell#zeystuff#gif: thk#you know what I wanted to upload this despite maybe there is already the same set out there... which I rarely upload anymore if I know#but I have things to say about this scene... I feel like this is the first genuine conversation they had in all the episodes so far#as the cautious guy Fadel is he must've searched style beforehand (which we don't see but he must've) so which also means he knew about#his mother not being alive and yes obviously also him working at the garage but this is the first time fadel asked style things out of#curiosity... (even if he knew in my opinion) and style being so comfortable with fadel that he forgot that he's talking to a hitman#it's the guy he's interested in. he forgot for a split second whom he talking to and trusted him enough to tell all about these#things about him which is kinda personal at least for some yet here we are with one who's trusting the other enough to tell things#and fadel is surprised!! no one can convince me otherwise I might be delulu but like i said i believe he already knows all of this#yet he asked and didn't expect that style would be so open about all this to tell him this the 6th and 8th gif tells a lot#fadel is still trying to figure style out but I feel like the conversation here and at the garage where fadel saw himself#style in working mode and how he helps out a lot at the garage and the conversation how his dad became his most important person#added a lot to his trust barometer when it comes to style. he sees him in a different perspective. light whatever you wanna call it#but it definitely trust his view on style a bit. I already talked a lot under my own set so I'll stop
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Scenes from The Baby Wars Part One: The First One
[Hibrides never wanted to be a mother (though the concept of childbearing has always occurred to her as 'inevitable and necessary'), underwent very severe post-partum depression, never really bonded with the infant, and was extremely uncomfortable with nursing her (they had a wet nurse who covered most of it).
Brakul ended up being the Designated Housewife throughout Erubi's infancy and was effectively the only member of the household providing parental care, was Extremely bitter with Hibrides for not really wanting anything to do with her daughter (among other things), and was raised in a context where fathers allowing their infants to comfort nurse on them is a standard practice (which is not widely conceptualized as a Thing men can do in the Wardi cultural sphere and comes off as bizarre to the rest of his household).
These combined factors lead to tense standoffs where he looms behind Hibrides trying to guilt her into Feeding The GodDamn Baby while looking, from her perspective, like he's trying his absolute hardest to breastfeed.]
#(Not treating men comfort nursing as a joke here btw I think it's fucking absurd that people get freaked out about it#Completely normal thing to do. Not weird or gross.)#Hibrides bonded with both of her children more when they got older and started walking and talking and being unavoidable but#she's never felt like a mother ''''should'''' and feels a heavy background layer of Gnawing Guilt about it#She was very close with her own mother (who had a pretty good marriage) so a lot of the advice she got was like#that these things take time and patience and a lot of pain but Someday she'll settle in and be happy with her husband and kids and etc#And now she's like 'well I no longer feel like I'm going to fucking hurl with terror when I notice my features in my daughter's faces.#And my husband and I sometimes go on hunting trips alone where we verbally abuse each other in ways that Almost come#full circle into being friendly banter. Is this it. Is this how it's supposed to be. Have I Fucking Made it.'
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Person with no whimsy: Why are you trying to trick g-d with loopholes? 🙄🙄🙄🙄
#jumblr#antisemitism tw#personal thoughts tag#practicing judaism because i am chock FULL of whimsy wonder joy and a zeal for life#i know we talk at length about this but my whimsy is whimsy-ing#also i don't think you even NEED to do these things 'for' g-d#i'm not becoming jewish for g-d. i do it out of love for g-d but that's not my reason (or my biggest reason)#i'm doing this for me. would that blow your mind to know...#conversion is partially a selfish desire to have the Most fun and fulfillment#this is something i genuinely believe in but i have learned to chase happiness and wonder#judaism captured my soul in that way. i find beauty and comfort and fulfillment and peace in this#g-d plays a role in my life but i know He knows we are people. we live for ourselves and each other#i made this post three days ago in a vaguepost about seeing this yet AGAIN. and i saw it again today (08/21) so#time to vaguepost in a petty way. because i love judaism and this annoys me
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"You are a stubborn little thing, do you know that?"
"I do. Though, would you have me any different?"
"No, I would not."
"Why?"
"I would miss the way your soul burns with passion for what you believe in."
"How romantic. Anything else?"
"...and with how adorable it is that you think you can challenge me."
"Ah, there it is."
#my art#lex x nightmare#lexverse#sans au#sans#undertale au#caycantdoodle#nightmare sans#lex and nightmare often relax and talk about things#he sometimes addresses her anxiety and uses his power in a therapeutic way for Lex#She is stubborn as hell and often tests her limits with him#She gives him comfort though and she knows not to go to far.#He likes holding her#if she oversteps and upsets him#she lets him cool down and she comes back later#and they'll sit down and hold each other#and he'll address the issue then probably love on her#wink wink
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Entomologist really was the perfect talent to give Gonta. What better field of study could you pick to parallel the guy whose entire character is drenched in misunderstanding and loneliness than that on the animals which are looked at by most people with complete disgust just for existing the way they do?
#shut up me#oh my god i havent gontaposted in a while. turbo-tsundere's new post really reignited a flame in me#I was just thinking about a time I was excitedly talking about weevils or whatever only for people to tell me to stop#because they found them gross#and like of course I will accommodate for that person's comfort#but it did strike me as a bit alienating#like the guy who is already lonely because no one seems to really understand him#ALSO has a special interest in a type of animal that everyone seems to hate#which is like. DOUBLE ALIENATING#everyone seems to think the thing you love is gross... does that mean they hate you too? is there something wrong with /you/?#Gonta is such a profoundly lonely character it rips me to pieces
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Took an lu uquiz
First of all how dare you-
#I got bored lol#I’m gonna retake it rn :P#and genuinely I don’t care for getting therapy I’ve already had it before and I didn’t really like it :P (my therapist also quit around the#time I actually started feeling comfortable enough to actually talk about the small things that bothered me)#sleepy randomly rambles#linked universe
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wondering if we're gonna have stan learning the lesson ford learnt in tbob since it's made clear that stan is still hiding so much...
#like ford's tbob coda really was direct setup for the wheel of shame and the bill poem huh#ford: finally talking about my secrets made me feel so much better!#stan: hell yeah! ....i'm not gonna do that though.#i can't get over how the website suddenly dropped that stan was sexually coerced on at least two separate occasions#and folks talked about the funeral but there's the whole thing of him faking his death cos tons of people wanted him dead#the car trunk incident is talked about a lot but how many other times did he nearly die....#post tbob ford would be way more open about talking about his time in the portal and what he went through before the portal incident#but what would stan be comfortable talking about in turn....#stan pines#stanley pines#ford pines#stanford pines#gravity falls#the contrast of ford's j3 coda being him taking stan's 'growing old doesn't mean growing up' to heart.....
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Cannot even begin to express how badly i need a relationship where i ask them to bring me some comfy clothes and they bring me their own clothes instead of mine
#wlw#wlw mood#sapphic#sapphism#lesbian#i am once again talking about how clothes sharing is the hottest thing on this earth#sorry#don’t try to put me in your clothes unless you want me to kiss you fr#and do NOT wear my clothes unless you also want me to kiss you#like i cannot express how Not Normal i am about clothes sharing it’s embarrassing tbh#sometimes i look at all my clothes and try to figure out which things i would want someone to wear#and sometimes i put on my extra big and comfortable fav tshirt and wish someone would let me wear THEIR extra big comfortable tshirt#im like….i could just mail my clothes to them if it’s long distance#ya girl thinks about it TOO much#it’s embarrassing as hell😔#giving me ur clothes is in the top three easiest ways to seduce me and i am not kidding💀💀#im gay and i like sleeping
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something bad did indeed happen to that man. spent abt 25 minutes trying to find a better picture of that one (1) offical piece with his eyes open that wasnt compressed or tiny
#library of ruina#yan library of ruina#getting comfortable doodling some objects and mannequin shapes for very obvious reasons. i read the keypage story and now it has a grip on#my brain. wanting to go ahead and plan it out and then draw the mangled memory and nightmare that replays behind the eyelids in the darknes#it was cool to see the reason confirmed from my speculation. twas indeed another reason of blocking out present pain with closing of eyes#considering they made angela have a plot important reason for doing so it would only make sense for another to have a reason for it as well#well. after having a prominent part inside the thumb/index story line. its just going to be yapping about yan now i think#let me add a spoiler tag i suppose? vauge but just incase i dont want to be an asshole. even if most already have played rhe game#library of ruina spoilers#lor spoilers#i really liked the typewritter effect over the voice after distortion. especially so when the effect finishes before the actual garbled voi#does. it makes it feel as if it were being read out after it being written down rather than of own words or volition. along with the text#upon the screen during the fight being just prescripts rather than anything relating to the man himself like the other instances with such#text had been. paired w the name of distorted yan being untranslated to keep the intent of the name being unreadable or not understandable#more into the idea of stripping away of the self or any sense of a self. not personal and not even him anymore. the following of a goal for#the goal for it is given and there isnt any hope of having the ability to not do such a thing. people yearn for a reason and something to d#and for it to be given to them to not hold responsibility nor have to do their own choices anymore. once a crushing weight weighs down#inside the face of an absolute cruelty that is perpetuated and that crushed the dreams or even desires having them be but nothing how can#one move on? it was really nice to see at the end of the fight. its easier to just say such things than to actually do them. even if the ac#ions dont even feel as if they are ones own or that there isnt any say in the matter having to endure all the pain for seemingly nothing it#still is pain. that feeling inside is still real. it still happened. regardless of the circumstances that brought them about#the thumb/index or just fingers seem to be an exaggerated to the extreme showcase of how the colletivist mindset in an unhealthy manner#could be exhibited. the thumb with its hierarchy and absoluteness and the demand for respect along with its strict layers of showing who is#below and who is above. the ability to have power over those underneath . the participation inside of it and the already brought up yearnin#to be apart of a group and to have a title and position inside of a group and of power and even a desire like from pete to join one iirc#the index being of the cruel perpetuating cycle of pain people inflict upon one another a behavior beaten and upkept by the systems as they#drift and desire to live. which causes them to partcipate in that cycle out of necessity. cruel acts upon another in order to live and seei#a need to go ahead and do such things for if they dont they die and another will just do the same to them. social sciences talk and rolands#talks abt how the city opperates reinforce that fact. the index and prescripts are really just a show inside that extreme manner and in a#more literal sense of that. it was really cool to read it..
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